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coco-loco-nut · 27 days

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Peter

pairing: George Russel x Reader

summary: George broke his promise to you, never coming back

a/n: no Carmen hate, I couldn't bring myself to write another sad ending

requests open masterlist ttpd masterlist

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George Russell was everything to you. Your childhood best friend, first and only love, and first heartbreak. You used to follow him around like a lost puppy, him your fearless leader as you made up adventures. You look at the old cedar closet in your childhood bedroom, the one the two of you believed would lead to Narnia one day.

"Y/n, you okay?" your friend nudges you, noticing you not paying attention to the race. The two of you lay in your bed with snacks, as tradition dictates between you and her. Even after all these years, George still holds the place of your best friend, even after he's hurt you.

"Was it something I did? Why doesn't George call anymore?" you ask the question that has been on your mind for the past could years. Your mind travels back to the last time you saw him.

"Y/n, please don't cry, It's just goodbye for now, not forever," George says before leaving for another race. He just said that the two of you need to take a break while he focuses on his racing for the next couple months and you go to university.

"You'll come and find me?" you sniffle, not wanting him to leave, knowing the truth deep down.

"Of course, I promise, just have some growing up to do," George references your favorite book, wiping the tears from your eyes. You were just babes, barely 18.

"Cheer up, I got us tickets to Silverstone next weekend, my job even threw in paddock passes," your friend throws a piece of popcorn at you. She was there when you realized George wasn't coming back to you anytime soon. She made you promise not to let the lamp burn waiting up for him.

"Can't wait," your stomach churns at the thought of getting a glimpse of him and his new girlfriend. You will never admit that you stalked her socials and professional life. It always hurts more when people mention to you how well he's doing when you can't seem to move on.

As you enter the paddock with your overexcited friend, you can't help but let your thoughts be filled with George. Is he still a mind reader like he was for you? Did he still steal the scene in every room he walked in, always attracting your gaze?

"He looks good," your friend says saltily, in solidarity with you, as you look at the video of him playing on the video board.

"Life was always easier on him," you hum, shaking him from your mind. You scan the crowd, noticing the fellow Brit not far from you, but you don't realize he also notices you before his attention is brought back to his girlfriend. It's like you exist under the same moon but live in different galaxies now, a hurtful realization for both of you.

"Can we go explore another place, I don't want to hang here any longer," you don't need to provide any more explanation before your friend pulls you to another area, unknowingly causing the two of you to cross George's path. He says nothing, only staring at the both of you as you don't notice him. The last memory he has of you popping into his mind.

"It's just goodbye for now," George mutters under his breath, kicking himself mentally for unintentionally forgetting about his best friend.

"What was that, George?" Carmen asks, utterly confused.

"Nothing," he brushes the question off. I grew up, I can still find her. George toys with the thought before the guilt of thinking about you while he is with his girlfriend makes him stop. The guilt of the promise he never kept adds to the pit in his stomach.

"George, are you okay? There's something off about you today?" Lewis asks.

"I'm not sure," George says before telling Lewis all about you, the closet that you two thought led to Narnia, your first kiss, your first 'I love you', your last goodbye, and his broken promise.

"Sounds like you really messed up, so what are you going to do?" Lewis processes the story told to him by his teammate, vowing to look you up later.

"I don't know," George sighs, leaning back in his chair. He imagines you waiting at home after the racing season and your first year at Uni.

You never told your friend how you spent your first semester waiting for George, letting the lamp burn at night. You turned down countless guys asking for dates in the hope that you'd return, standing outside your dorm, ready to tell you all that he learned.

You will never say anything because you never lost the love, it just changes with your perspective. You learned from your broken heart. You stopped sitting by the window waiting for his return, realizing George was lost to the racing part of his life. His Instagram post of him not even 30 kilometers away from you partying with other drivers during your first year of Uni, captioned 'the Lost Boys' solidified that for you.

Now you both were 25, and you grew up. The shelf-life of those fantasies had expired long ago, and despite your heart wanting him, it was time for you to move on. You tried to hold onto those days when you had each other, but there is only so much oil in a lamp to burn, and it is time to turn out the light. As you turn it out, there is a knock on your door.

"Y/n?" George's voice calls out as your hand reaches the handle. You cautiously open the door.

"George?" You say, utterly confused. His heart sinks a little, expecting you to call him Georgie.

"I grew up, I'm sorry, but I'm here now, please forgive me," George pleads, and you invite him in.

"You broke your promise," is all you say as you sit in a chair across from him in your living room.

"I know, and I'm so sorry, seeing you at Silverstone reminded me how stupid I am," George says, moving closer to you. Your head snaps up.

"Silverstone? George that was months ago. I'm sorry, the woman who waited by the window turned out the light. You have a girlfriend now and after everything I don't think I can be just your friend," you say, trying to figure out why he's here.

"Had. I had a girlfriend. When I saw you all I could remember was that last conversation, and I realized I was trying to fill the hole in my heart where you were," George says and you stay silent for a moment, taking his words in.

"I don't think I could take another heartbreak like that," you whisper. George and Lewis social media stalked you and old friends. George noticed that you never moved on from him, staying single. When his mind wouldn't leave the idea of you, he very gently broke it off with Carmen. She deserved better than someone who was filling the spot of someone else. "You forgot about me," you accuse, even if it is the truth.

"I never will again, please, I finally finished growing up, I finally came to get you," his eyes fill with tears, putting the ball in your court.

"One week. You get one week to prove your case, I'll make up my mind from there," you relent slightly, keeping the ball in your court so you get the final say in what happens. No more promises that are oceans deep.

two endings

#f1 imagines #f1 imagine #f1 x reader #george russell #george russell imagines #george russell imagine #george russell x reader #the tourtured poets department

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sunkissed-zegras · 1 month

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𝐅𝐔𝐂𝐊 𝐈𝐓 𝐈𝐅 𝐈 𝐂𝐀𝐍'𝐓 𝐇𝐀𝐕𝐄 𝐔𝐒 ─ AS³⁷

TRACK 4 ─── DOWN BAD

TTPD CELLY MASTERLIST !

౨ৎ ─ summary | one summer, one town and the fullest love you've ever felt all to be ripped away from you. life was pointless without the love of your life, your soulmate (even if you'd only known him for three months).

─ word count | 3.4k

─ warnings | dramatic af, oh god, so so so so so much angst WITH NO HAPPY ENDING (ur gonna cry by the end of this), where do i even begin? love bombing, LYING AF, andrei being mysterious asf, mention of life being hopeless, very depressive themes and like.. babygirl is GOING THROUGH ITTTT, maybe even suicidal themes (depends on your perspective), lmk if i missed anything else?

─ ev's notes | down bad has been on repeat since friday, it's genuinely so addicting (but like... the entire album is so?)

YOU LIFE FELT ABSOLUTELY hopeless, like the color was drained from it.

How could one summer change the whole trajectory of your life, you're not sure. Your entire perspective of love had been turned upside down, each day felt like a struggle just to breathe, let alone find any semblance of meaning or joy. It was as if the universe had conspired to strip away every ounce of hope, leaving behind only an empty shell of a person.

How could you let someone con you so easily? Make you believe that you were his soulmate, only to absolutely wreck you? You couldn't help but wonder if he felt even a shred of sympathy and if he ever stopped to think about you, like you did with him?

How could you have been so naive, so blindly hopeful in the face of his deceit? The wounds he inflicted cut deeper than mere flesh and bone; they pierced straight to the core of your being, leaving behind scars that may never fully heal.

You could barely get out of bed ─ you can't even remember a time when you didn't know him, even if you'd know him a short span of time. The weight of his absence feels like a physical force, pinning you down to the bed as if gravity itself has conspired against you. How could you go on without him, when every corner of your world still echoes with his presence?

It's as if he had woven himself into the fabric of your being, leaving no thread untouched by his influence. Even the simplest of tasks feel overwhelming without his guidance, his encouragement, his love.

You try to remember a time before him, a time when your heart beat to a rhythm untouched by his melody. But the memories blur together, distorted by the prism of his existence. It's as if he had always been there, a constant presence in your life, one way or another.

──

"Are you a local?"

You turned around to face the voice that had drawn you out of your thoughts, an annoyed expression on your face. But as you looked up to meet his chocolate brown eyes, all the irritation had quickly dissipated.

First, you noticed his eyes ─ they were so big and brown, you could feel yourself get lost in them. Then your gaze fell to his lips and ultimately, his smile and his dimple. Whoa, he was gorgeous.

"Uh, yeah." You got out as you managed a smile, turning to face him completely.

His smile widened at your response, and you couldn't help but feel a flutter of warmth in your chest at the sight of it. It was infectious, lighting up his face in a way that made it impossible to look away.

"Great!" he replied, his voice sending a shiver down your spine. "I'm here on vacation. Any recommendations on where to grab a bite to eat?"

His voice carried a hint of a Russian accent weaving through each word like a thread of silk. It added an extra layer of intrigue to his already captivating presence, drawing you in even further.

"Actually, there's this little café a few blocks down the street that serves amazing sandwiches," you offered, your voice betraying a hint of excitement. "I could show you, if you'd like."

God, what were you doing? You didn't even know what you were saying before the words flew out of your mouth. To your surprised, his smile widened into a grin as he nodded.

His eyes sparkled with amusement as he nodded in agreement. "I would love that," he replied, his accent lending a charming cadence to his words.

As you stood up from his seat, you took in his build; you just realized how tall he was. He towered over you, his frame exuding a quiet strength that only added to his allure. It was as if he commanded the space around him effortlessly, a gentle giant in a world full of noise.

Together, you made your way out of the café and onto the street, the sounds of the city fading into the background as you fell into step beside him. His presence was comforting, reassuring, like a steady anchor in the midst of chaos even though you'd just met the stranger.

As you walked, you found yourself stealing glances at him, admiring the way the sunlight caught in his hair, the way his eyes crinkled with laughter at something you said.

Arriving at the café, you found a table by the window. As you settled in, the conversation began flowing effortlessly between you. With each passing moment, you felt yourself drawn deeper into his orbit, captivated by the way his presence seemed to fill the room with warmth.

"So, what do you do, Andrei?" You found yourself asking as he paused for a moment, taking a sip of his drink before sighing.

"I'd... I'd hoped you didn't ask that." Andrei's tone came out amusing but you could hear the sincerity, too. "I play for the Hurricanes. A hockey team."

You couldn't help but raise an eyebrow in surprise at Andrei's revelation. "The Hurricanes? That's impressive,"

"It is, but it's very demanding. That's why I came here," he explained as a smile began playing on his lips. "To get away from everything, even just for summer."

"Why would you want to get away?" You asked, your curiosity getting the best of you. As you registered your words, you shook your head as you sighed. "You don't have to answer that."

Andrei's smile softened, a flicker of gratitude shining in his eyes at your understanding. "No, it's okay," he replied, his voice carrying a note of sincerity. "Sometimes, even the things we love can become overwhelming. I guess I just needed a break, a chance to clear my head and remember what's really important."

"I get that," you said, a small smile playing on your lips. "Sometimes, we all need a moment to step back and breathe, to remind ourselves of who we are outside of our titles and our accomplishments."

Andrei's gaze softened, a silent understanding passing between you. In that moment, you felt a weird connection for a moment. He let out a small chuckle as he looked away, a tinge of redness enveloping his cheeks.

"You wanna get out of here? I still haven't seen the beach and I've been here for two days." Andrei's voice was amused as his gaze finally flickered back to you.

His chuckle was infectious, and you couldn't help but feel a warmth spread through you at the sight of his flushed cheeks. There was something endearing about his candidness, a rawness that drew you in even closer.

"Absolutely," you replied, a grin tugging at the corners of your lips.

After that, the two of you spent every moment together. You didn't know why you were so drawn to him ─ it wasn't just how abosolutely beautiful he was, that wasn't even a factor after you'd spent the whole week with him. It was something more, something raw you hadn't felt in a while ─ or maybe even ever.

In Andrei's presence, you felt as if you were seeing the world through new eyes. He showed you the beauty in the simplest of moments ─ the way sunlight danced on the water, the sound of laughter echoing through the streets of your hometown that you'd walked in a million times (somehow, it was different now with him), the warmth of a shared smile exchanged between two strangers.

But it wasn't just the external world that he illuminated for you; it was your own heart. With each conversation, each shared comfortable silence, he peeled back the layers of your soul, revealing the raw, unfiltered truth that lay beneath. In his arms, you felt safe, cherished, loved in a way you swear you'd never experienced before. It was a love that transcended the physical, a love that touched the very core of your being and left you breathless with wonder.

And as you lay beneath the stars in his arms, the night sky stretching out above you like a vast canvas waiting to be painted, you felt a sense of peace wash over you. For in Andrei's embrace, you had found something real ─ something cosmic and eternal.

──

"Do you ever wonder," he begins, his voice soft but filled with a sense of wonder, "if there's more to the universe than what we can see?"

You both gaze out of the bay window for a moment, the night sky stretching out before you like a vast canvas scattered with stars.

"It's... it's something I've thought about," you reply, your voice barely a whisper in the quiet of the night. "The universe is so vast, so incomprehensibly large. It's hard to believe that we're the only ones out here, you know?"

Andrei nods in agreement, a knowing smile playing on his lips. "Exactly," he says, his gaze returning to the stars above. "I like to think that there's something out there, something greater than ourselves. Something that binds us all together, even when we're worlds apart."

"Yeah," you replied, your voice barely audible. "All the time, actually. It's... overwhelming, sometimes, to think about how big the universe is, how insignificant we are in comparison."

Andrei nodded, his gaze fixed on the stars twinkling in the night sky. "But isn't it also kind of liberating?" he mused.

"To know that we're just a small part of something so much bigger than ourselves? It makes all our worries and fears seem so... trivial, in the grand scheme of things."

"You're right," you said, a sense of wonder creeping into your voice. "It's like no matter what happens in our lives, the universe will keep on spinning, the stars will keep on shining. It's... comforting, in a way."

Andrei smiled, a warmth spreading through you at the sight of it. "Exactly," he said, his voice filled with quiet certainty.

A comfortable silence filled the air before he spoke up again. "You know... when we met, when I said I wanted a break?" A pang of uncertainty flickered within you at his words, but you nodded, inviting him to continue with a gentle tilt of your head.

Andrei's gaze softened as he reached out to take your hand, his touch grounding you in the present moment. "I didn't just mean from hockey," he confessed. "I meant from everything ─ the pressure, the expectations, the constant scrutiny. I needed a break from the world, from myself."

His words hung in the air, heavy with the weight of truth. You listened in silence, feeling the gravity of his confession settle over you like a blanket.

"I came here seeking some kind of relief from the chaos of my life," Andrei continued, his eyes searching yours for understanding. "But what I found was so much more than that. I found you."

The sincerity in his voice struck a chord deep within you, stirring emotions you had long kept buried beneath the surface. In that moment, you realized just how much he had come to mean to you, how integral he had become to the fabric of your existence.

You'd felt like you'd known him lifetimes but in reality, you'd only known him only a couple weeks. And yet, in those fleeting weeks, Andrei had become more than just a passing acquaintance; he had become a beacon of light in the darkness, a source of comfort in a world of uncertainty.

──

Andrei's arms wrapped around your waist as you both watched the sunset go down. His large frame practically engulfed you as he stood behind you, his chin resting on your shoulder. The warm summer breeze caressed your skin, carrying with it the scent of salt and sea. You leaned back into Andrei's embrace, feeling his hands squeeze your hips.

"Let's go for a swim, yeah?" Andrei's breathe hit your neck as he spoke, sending shivers down your spine as his warm breath danced across your skin.

His suggestion brought a smile to your lips, the idea of plunging into the cool embrace of the ocean sounding utterly inviting. You turned in Andrei's arms, a playful glint in your eyes as you met his gaze.

"Are you sure?" You teased, a mischievous smile tugging at the corners of your lips. "The water might be colder than you think."

Andrei's lips curved into a smirk, his eyes dancing with excitement. "Only one way to find out,"

"Wait, Andrei-" Before you could protest more, Andrei pulled you up on his shoulders. You let out a fit of giggles as he carried you out to the deeper waters, his strong arms supporting you effortlessly as you clung to him, your laughter mingling with the sound of the waves crashing against the shore.

"Ready?" Andrei called over his shoulder, his voice filled with excitement.

You nodded, your heart pounding with anticipation. With a smirk, Andrei took a few more steps forward, and then, without warning, he jumped, sending you both crashing into the cool embrace of the ocean.

For a moment, you were weightless, suspended in the currents, the sound of laughter and splashing filling the air around you. And as you surfaced, gasping for breath and laughing with joy, you felt a sense of freedom wash over you ─ a freedom that only comes from letting go and embracing the spontaneity of the moment.

Andrei's laughter joined yours as he helped you to steady yourself in the water, his eyes sparkling with mischief and joy. "See? Wasn't so bad, was it?"

You grinned up at Andrei, the exhilaration of the moment coursing through your veins. "Definitely not."

Andrei grinned, his smile lighting up his face as he tugged you closer, his arms wrapping around you in a warm embrace. "I'm glad you enjoyed it."

He stared into your eyes, the grin still on his red face before he grabbed your chin and pushed his lips against yours. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders, pulling him closer.

As you deepened the kiss, losing yourself in the intoxicating sensation of his lips on yours, you knew with unwavering certainty that this was where you belonged; in his arms, consumed by love.

His touch was electric, sending sparks dancing across your skin as you lost yourself in the intoxicating sensation of his lips moving against yours. And as you finally pulled away, breathless and flushed with emotion, you found yourself lost in the depths of Andrei's gaze. In his eyes, you saw a reflection of your own desires, mirrored back to you with an intensity that left you breathless.

He caught his breath as he laughed, giving your cheek another kiss. "I don't know how to explain how I feel about you, it's something I don't think I've felt in a long time. Or... ever."

"I feel it too," you whispered, your voice barely more than a breath of air. "Whatever it is, it's real. And that's all that matters."

Andrei's gaze softened, a smile playing on his lips as he reached out to gently caress your cheek. "I'm just glad we found each other," he said, his voice filled with quiet certainty. "And no matter what the future may hold, I'll always be by your side. You're like..."

He paused as he laughed, shaking his head with amusement. "My soulmate, or something like that."

You couldn't help but smile at his playful tone, feeling a surge of affection well up within you. "Your soulmate, huh?" you teased, "I can live with that."

Before you could fully grasp it, it had slipped away, fleeting in its passing. It was over before it even fully started. The summer had come to a close, and Andrei was talking about leaving back to Carolina.

You knew it was coming, of course it was coming. He had to go back to his home, where he worked, where his everything was. What about you? Hadn't you become his everything, just as he had become yours? Where did you fit into his world once he was gone?

And then one morning you awoke and he was gone.

It felt like something you'd seen in a movie, or read in a book. Confusion clouded your mind as you glanced around the room, searching for any sign of him. But as your gaze fell upon the empty drawers where his clothes once laid, reality came crashing down around you.

It was over.

The realization hit you like a tidal wave, sweeping away the remnants of the life you had built together over the summer. And in that moment, you felt a profound sense of loss wash over you, a hollow ache that echoed in the depths of your soul. You had known it was coming, of course. He had obligations, a life waiting for him back home. But that didn't make the pain any less palpable, the sense of abandonment any less hurtful.

Was all of it a lie? The laughter, the whispered promises, the moments shared beneath the stars – were they nothing more than empty words, hollow gestures meant to deceive?

The days following his departure, it felt hollow. It felt like you'd awoken from a daydream, something that only existed in your head. Was it really not as serious as you'd thought? Was he really not in love, as you were with him?

Life loss all of it's meaning, you never thought you'd be that girl: the girl who let a man absolutely reroot her entire life, just for him to leave. Had you really become that pathetic?

The days turned into weeks and the hollowness didn't fade, it turned into numbness then ultimately into a sense of emptiness that seemed to permeate every aspect of your being. It was as if a part of you had been hollowed out, leaving behind nothing but a void that echoed with the absence of his presence.

As the days turned into weeks, you found yourself grappling with questions that had no answers. Was it all a lie? Had he ever truly cared for you, or were you just another pawn in his game? Had you ever really known him, your Andrei? The one who held you, laughed with you, whispered promises of forever beneath the stars? Or had he been someone else entirely, a stranger acting as the love of your life?

The uncertainty gnawed at you, a relentless beast that refused to be tamed. You replayed every moment, every word, every touch, searching for clues that would unravel the mystery of his true intentions. But the more you searched, the more elusive the answers became, slipping through your fingers like grains of sand.

You found yourself crying every night, every free moment you spent bawling your eyes out over a man you're sure you'd never really known, just another stranger who had walked into your life and turned it upside down.

The pain was like a physical ache, a weight pressing down on your chest until it felt like you could hardly breathe. How could someone you had cared for so deeply have caused you so much pain? How could you have been so blind to the truth of his intentions?

You needed him again, life felt meaningless ─ no, life was meaningless without him. Nothing felt worth having without him. Without him, life felt like a barren wasteland, devoid of color and purpose. Every moment seemed to stretch on endlessly, each day blending into the next in a monotonous haze.

You found yourself longing for his presence, for the sound of his laughter and the warmth of his embrace. Without him by your side, even the simplest pleasures felt empty, leaving you adrift in a sea of loneliness. What was the point of it all, you wondered, if he wasn't there to share it with you?

No one would ever make you feel like he did, no one would ever manage to love you like he once had. It was a truth that cut to the core of your being, leaving you feeling exposed in its wake.

How could you ever hope to find happiness again when the one person who had made you feel truly alive was now gone from your life?

You tried to fill the void with distractions – with work, with friends, with anything that would help numb the ache of his absence. But no matter how hard you tried, the emptiness remained, a gaping wound that refused to heal.

In the depths of your despair, you found yourself questioning everything ─ your worth, your purpose, your very existence. What was the point of it all, you wondered, if he wasn't there to share it with you?

#nhl imagine #nhl #nhl fic #nhl fanfiction #hockey #nhl oneshot #hockey fic #andrei svechnikov #andrei svechnikov x reader #andrei svechnikov imagine #andrei svechnikov fic #andrei svechnikov moodboard #andrei svechnikov smut #carolina hurricanes #carolina hurricanes x you

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seeingivy · 1 month

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THOUGHTS TO TTPD?? I'M A WRECK RN.

WHAT A QUESTION! here's my thoughts so far:

very messy, but here we go:

can not stop listening to loml. no like I haven't listened to anything else besides loml after the first listen it killed me

the anthology is more my style than TTPD

not a fan of some of the production (sorry jack) on the first album and this thread sums up why pretty well

tortured poets is the most insane song. charlie puth name drop, lucy dacus and jack having to hear about taylor and matty talking about killing themselves LIKE WHAT

also so many matty healy songs?

the travis songs are kind of giving iM TAKING MY TRAVYYYY TO THE BIG GAMEEEE GONNA MAKE KELCE MY LAST NAME but not in a bad way! that ai was stuck in my head for weeks for a reason so.

back to tortured poets (song), calling matty healy neonazi racist homophobe a "golden retriever" is insane

peepaw aaron dessner really saved this album for me with the anthology

thank you aimee spelling out KIM and north west mention is SOOOO FUNNY

sooooo....get him back and imgonnagetyou back....if you can claim something as arbitrary as screaming on a bridge is plagiarism you can most definitely claim that song is TOO

clara bow edits to olivia and sabrina??? but I think it's sabrina bc taylor would not call olivia dazzling (iM KIDDING, its a half joke)

I can do it with a broken heart was so bop until I listened to the lyrics and now its insane like GOD that's so sad but I can't help but dance to it

sometimes jacks' production was really too loud I kept going I CANT HEAR HER SHUT UP JACK with my friend

charlie puth mention is insane I will say it a second time.

so long london killed me btw as a joe widow myself.

#ronnie talking to herself #TTPD!

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louisissucha-teez · 1 month

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ok but can we talk about the prophecy (ttpd) and lizzie? like her wishing for a marriage of respect, if not love, knowing very well that it might possibly never occur for her. and then mr collins's proposal happens and then mr darcy's first proposal happens and she is starting to kind of accept the reality of her prospects (because even someone as strong as lizzie would be a little despaired after two less-than-ideal proposals, added onto her already existing worries about jane) that maybe it really is in her destiny to not get a happy marriage. her prophecy, one might even call it.

and she is kind of making peace with it, but then. but then.

mr darcy 2.0 happens and she dares to hope. the events at Pemberley unfold and she sees how he talks to the gardiners and how he so openly introduced her to his sister and how he seems to not be disgusted at the sight of her after that shitshow in kent and, for once, it's actually going well and lizzie thinks that, maybe, something might come out of it. maybe all is not lost yet. but then.

just when she thought things were taking a turn for the better, wickham happens. the elopement. she thought she caught lightning in a bottle but it's gone again. she has lost him. again. she has lost a chance at happiness. again. and she's telling herself that, really, she shouldn't have tried to deny what was written in her destiny in the first place and that she should've known better.

she is back at longbourn and she knows that nothing will ever change, no matter what the outcome of lydia's elopement may be. she's lamenting what she never had, what she never will have. it was never money she wanted. just someone who would want her company. someone who would trust her, respect her, listen to her. but even that feels like asking for too much for now the bennets are ruined and she might as well learn to stop expecting any sort of marriage for herself now, let alone one that may offer her happiness and change her prophecy.

at kent mr darcy had showed his hand. at pemberley, he had been more open than she would've ever thought him capable of, and that was when she could still sense his reticence. sitting at longbourn, watching her life play out like fools in a fable, all of it is 'sinking in' now, the poison of her circumstances is seeping into her blood, but she still can't help but dream of him, dream of what could've been. she feels like the very last drops of an ink pen, dragging something on when it's of no use anymore because even after all this, she has that glimmer of hope in her that mayhe their story still has a few words left to be written. she had waited, against her pragmatic mind, for him to maybe say somehing to her once again when they were in derbyshire and now, when it's all out of reach, she thinks that it might have resulted in something if not for the elopement.

the elopement. she knows after wickham, there is simply no way mr darcy's feelings for her, even had they been stronger than they surely could've been after that sound rejection, could be anything other than non-existant. even statues crumble if they're made to wait, after all. and now she has sealed her fate, no sign of soulmates.

she's out in the garden (that 2005 scene). lady catherine visited her the previous day, digging at her wounds, rubbing in her helplessness in the face of her prophecy. it's before dawn and, in the absence of daylight, she does something a greater woman would never. she begs. she looks to the sky and says please.

i know it is all a little all over the place but i just think that the prophecy is so hauntingly reminiscent of lizzie.

#and then mr darcy DID come and change her prophecy like he was always meant to #but she didn't know that yet #lizzie bennet #lizzie #elizabeth bennet #mr darcy #fitzwilliam darcy #pride and prejudice #ttpd #taylor swift #the prophecy #the tortured poets department #the tortured poets department the anthology #the anthology #p&p #prideandprejudice #janeausten #jane austen #Spotify

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dearreader · 6 days

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hello fellow members of the tortured poets department.

we now move onto the anthology tracks, the tracks that feel less sterile and are instead what comes of doing the messy work of realizing and now comes processing. i shall start by entering into evidence the black dog. apologies in advance as i will be using old analysis posts i did on this song and editing it slightly

previous day’s here:

standard tracklist masterpost

the black dog is a masterpiece. it is such a rich song that uses a common metaphor as both a physical place and symbol for taylor and her former paramore.

as people pointed out before TTPD dropped, the term the black dog is often used to describe depression. that one is being hunted by “the black dog” to describe how depression never fully leaves you alone. so taylor opening the song with watching her former muse walk into a bar called the black dog is not only her describing an actual place but also him feeding into her depression.

and beyond this point we know nothing of the truth and instead are privy to taylor’s heartbroken thoughts and depression. this is presented to us as her thinking about him being with someone else and moving on and her wondering, “how can he not think of me? is it because he doesn't love me? is he intentionally breaking my heart again?” because he forgot to turn off his location and now she’s forced to watch him move on and break her heart all over again because it’s so soon after they broke up and he’s already going out again. he forgot to turn off his location and ability to hurt her because he left her hopes or love on and hurt her all over again.

and as that happens she starts creating images in her head, of him talking to girls like nothing is wrong. but she starts asking those images specific questions that make me wonder if she experienced it herself and is now wondering how come he isn’t jumping up when their song comes on, but can't even discuss it eith anyone because they won't understand or what it meant to them. or how in the shower was she remembering her standing out in the rain, shaking, and worried? is she asking him how come he’s not going through this all too?

but because the black dog here has a double meaning for both depression AND a physical place taylor is using it as vehicle for her depression. because he was someone who came in when she needed him most and played the part of hero so well but then he ended up cheating and hurting her because “old habits die screaming" and it all comes back to the manuscript. she is always expecting someone to look elsewhere and leave her for someone better and new. and as she is spiraling her depression turns into anger and she turns him into the black dog and starts letting her feelings out on him.

she starts getting up close and personal. wondering why he’d hurt her like this after everything he knew about her and what they’d been through together. because she did everything to be accepted into his world. even making a reference to greek life by asking "was it hazing? for a cruel fraternity/i pledged" because she was asking to be accepted and join his world, but in order to do that you have to go through hazing (washing toilets with toothbrushes or just general things to shame and embarrass you) to join and be accepted. because taylor was pledging for the love of this man but no matter how long she was there she was still fighting to get in and be accepted and be in the fraternity of his life. but to get into greek life and be accepted you have to be humiliated. you have to be pushed down and belittled. then you do that to the next pledges and no one ever stops the cycle cause "i went through why shouldn't they?" instead of asking "why are we doing this?"

taylor saying she pledged his cruel fraternity is saying he made her feel small. he tested her limits for the hope of being accepted as a member into his world and she was doing it for 6 years hoping he'd finally let her in and help him. but he wasn't letting her. he just kept pushing his blues onto her, maybe because "i'm going through it so why shouldn't you?", and she was trying everything to fix it or help him or just get through it but it never ended. and with her refrencing him cheating or moving on it feels like cheating or wandering eyes were a part of her hazing. that if she toughed it out long enough he’d stop hurting her and it would be happy again. and it’s so much for her she feels like she needs to physically burn her clothes and have someone free her from this relationship because IT WONT GO AWAY!

and as she acknowledges how he hurt her she starts to see him for what he is, not a brave man who came in and saved her, but a coward who didn't like her world and as she kept trying to cut herself down more and more to be palatable while he cheated on her. and she starts wishing that when he gets to her phase, being in the black dog (depressed), that it's terrible and he's haunted by their relationship like she is and can't be with someone else because he can only think about her and their love. but depression and grief are heavy emotions and even with all that she still can't believe she's watching him move on in front of her eyes because he forgot to turn off his location on find my friends…

truly a break up song for the generations. i love it so much.

#AND I HOPE ITS SHITTY IN THE BLACK DOG #also hi i lied and am posting this now #kelly babels #song analysis #the black dog #ttpdminutes

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taylortruther · 3 months

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Your last couple posts got me thinking. I am similar to you in that I don’t romanticize my struggles. Although, I don’t know if romanticize is the right word for what Taylor does, I don’t know a better word but she paints her struggles with a lot of purpose. For me, when I overcome adversity, I don’t really feel the sense of triumph and heroism that I think she does. I think she puts these feats into an overarching narrative of her life and gives them new meanings.(And in a lot of ways I am envious of that ability, I wish I had that kind of optimism).

Any way, connecting this idea to her continuing to reference the beginning of the relationship, I think one of the reasons she did that is because there was so much working against them in the beginning. I’m sure she believed they wouldn’t ever actually make it out of the mess and be together. When they finally did make it work, I think Taylor re-conceptualized it as two lovers fighting the world for their relationship (think Shakespeare lol). And it’s not that lovers fighting for their relationship isn’t romantic, because it is, but I don’t think the myriad of forces stopping them from committing to each other that they overcame warrants this level of Shakespearean narrative.

Looking at what was working against them, there was them dating/see other people, the media shit storm/over saturation of Taylor, Joe’s resistance to spotlight/fame, Taylor’s mental and physical health struggles. I think it was natural for Taylor to conceptualize the resulting relationship that came out of that tough time as this great triumph in her life. A love she fought for and won. A love that all the forces in the world couldn’t stop. A love that defied all the previous love’s she’s had. When in reality, what they overcame was more or less themselves and in doing so they both had to make major compromises. Eventually those compromises stopped working and the thing that ultimately tore them apart was not the outside world, but internal issues (some of which were present from the beginning).

Anyway, I’m curious to know how much Taylor’s perspective of that beginning time period has changed. Hopefully we get one final revisit on ttpd lol!!

hmmmm interesting, but i have some thoughts (i called these disagreements at first but tbh we are just having a conversation here, not a debate! and i am interested in hearing your additional thoughts.

we are edging close to a Very Philosophical Discussion About Art and how one portrays life as art and vice versa. how do you determine what "warrants" a shakespearean narrative? what's the point of life if you can't romanticize some things, or find magic in the mundane, even in your art?

also this is getting into a philosophical place of: what does it mean to be an external vs internal problem? taylor deals with intense media scrutiny, which is psychologically difficult for anyone to deal with... can we really call that just an "internal issue"?

tbh i think even if taylor didn't create a narrative of her life in song, we would still see what she has gone through, and form a narrative around it. we can't help it. but also, her life HAS seemed almost story-like in recent years. a woman at the peak of her career is taken down (cancelled), she finds love in the midst of the apocalypse, and she rises to even greater heights like a phoenix... while that great love dies. i mean, that story writes itself in a way.

#writing paragraphs about taylor swift #sorry i edited this so many times because i didn't want to come across as combative #genuinely not arguing i promise

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wrongcaitlyn · 1 month

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thoughts on i can fix him (no really i can)

sorry this isn’t abt the fic i have no more questions but your responses are so great 😭

DONT APOLOGIZE AT ALL I LOVE LOVE LOVE TALKING ABOUT TAYLOR SWIFT like i honestly get worried that i talk about her too much a lot bc irl im always told i need to know how to have conversations about things OTHER than her so like knowing that y'all wanna know my opinions on these things is actually the coolest thing ever and i love it <333

first of all, i LOVE the vibes of it. i choose to try not to think about the source material of these things (i've never been the hugest fans of connecting songs to the actual artist who wrote them, idk it just feels invasive) so the entire time i was thinking abt lucy gray baird/coriolanus bc of a post that rachel zegler made months ago for tom blyth's bday with a tee-shirt that said "I can fix him" like idk i just KNEW the song was gonna be snowbaird coded AND I WAS CORRECT

the vibes seemed so cowboy like me like i was genuinely surprised?? the whole thing seemed like it was very taken out of modern society, and like, fugitive au, and i was recently just reading this 1870s small town au (had just finished it like the day before ttpd i think) and so i was SO HERE FOR THAT KIND OF VIBE

overall i just loveeeed the imagery in these lyrics. it's one of those songs where the production just matches the content so well and taylor is truly incredible at that!!

one of my FAVORITE lyrics (most def my fav of the song, possibly one of my favorites of the album was

They shake their heads sayin', "God, help her" When I tell 'em he's my man But your good Lord doesn't need to lift a finger

idk why but the way she said it, the lyrics, the "good lord doesnt need to lift a finger" like GOD it just scratched an itch in my brain so perfectly (the entire album, i felt like she was singing it perfectly, there were so many little moments where i was just like GOD THIS WAS SUNG EXACTLY AS IT NEEDED TO BE SUNG)

just reread the lyrics for this bc i wanna make a worthy response (if y'all EVER want an opinion on ANY taylor swift song or any other artist i've mentioned before like PLEASE feel free lyrical analysis is my entire life)

and like

i seriously have to stop with au ideas

bc just the mention of texas has me thinking OMG FUGITIVE NICO X COWBOY WILL SOLACE AU and im like STFU BRAIN YOU ALREADY HAVE TOO MUCH YOU'RE WORKING ON but like i mean its TEXAS

The dopamine races through his brain On a six-lane Texas highway His hand so calloused from his pistol Softly traces hearts on my face

and the way it just ends so suddenly with "woah maybe i can't" is just😭😭i cackled at that it was hilarious

conclusion: i haven't really re-listened to it bc it wasn't one of those songs that stood out to me in the first listen (i've been listening to the album on loop since it came out bc im still trying to process all the songs, but there were definitely some that i repeated over and over again bc they were my favorite). i don't really like ratings because i feel like every song has so much potential, and i just haven't understood it yet? like, particularly with taylor songs, i actually didn't like the folklore or evermore albums when i first listened to them. then when i did again, they become two of my favorite albums holding some of my favorite songs. so all i can say right now is that it isn't one of my favorites off the album, but i do love certain aspects of it!

#wrongcaitlyn #wrongcaitlyn asks

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tayfabe75 · 28 days

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Hello! I've been thinking about this for a while and your theory does make sense in some ways, of course, but there are some details stopping me from fully believing it. For example, if we go by your theory, why do you think Taylor called their relationship a manic episode? Not the best ground for reviving something in the future. Most people now refer to this by indicating that they never had real love and true feelings. And “it’s the worst men that I write best”. She literally called him the worst. So it's hard for me to believe in their reunion when she despises him so openly now

Hi anon! First and foremost, it's absolutely fine if you don't believe anything I say! Truly, I am not offended. Besides, I'm not really in the business of trying to "convince" anyone, anyway. But I am more than happy to share my takes! Apologies in advance, because this is going to be a bit repetitious (since I already gave a very similar answer on a different ask), but I don't mind going over my thoughts again!

That said, I'm not personally fazed by the "manic phase" wording because I don't think TTPD is reflective of recent events. No, not even last May! (Though, yes, it is absolutely meant to sound that way)

For me, what sticks out like sore thumb are the drug references. I can't help but think of Matty's recent admission that he's been sober for going on five years. Also, and I am going to go ahead and give Taylor the benefit of the doubt here (because to love Matty is to be protective of him, even as a fan!), I do not believe she would release songs with drug references without Matty's blessing.

"This period of the author's life is now over, the chapter closed and boarded up."

I think she has been waiting to write about this specific time because she's chronicling her life through her music, and this album is reflective of a missing time period. I suspect the content of TTPD slots very nicely into the time period either before or following 1989:

I believe the visual similarity here is on purpose, and just another storytelling device used by Taylor. I'm very excited to see where, in the setlist, TTPD pops up. I have this whole theory that Eras is telling a cohesive story, and that the placement of each album within the setlist is strategic. TTPD feels like it should be between 1989 and Midnights (though I will admit it is more likely to come at the end)

Here's a good example of why I feel this way:

TTPD: "Some stars never align" Midnights: "All the stars aligned"

Lastly, I think Taylor is much more clever than she gets credit for. On the surface, that might sound ridiculous, because well, of course she's clever! But anon, I dare you to go on just about any social media platform and look at what people are saying about her. Oh, believe me, she knew damned well people would take the word "manic" and run with it. I've seen the word "manic" more in the past Fortnight than I had all my life leading up to TTPD! Speculating on the mental health of strangers is all the rage right now.

(That reminds me - keep an eye out for Brad Troemel's Healing Report! Coming soon…)

So again, it is my personal belief that this album is much too vulnerable to represent a pain as fresh as May. Taylor would not provide the ammo to shoot her (or Matty) with. Aside from endless "manic" allegations, another popular take I see around is that Taylor "is stuck in the age she was when she got famous" (🙄) but maybe, just maybe… Taylor sounds this way because she hasn't actually written about her current life in a while. I suspect that's what she meant by "and now the story isn't mine anymore… it's all yours". Meaning that, whatever comes next, it's not going to be a game of matching song lyrics to paparazzi photos.

I don't agree that Taylor "literally" did or said anything based on the companion poem. It reads very tongue-in-cheek - like she knows exactly how it's going to be misinterpreted. What I'd suggest doing is reading between the lines. Don't take it at face value. This is a woman who loves wordplay and double (or triple!) meanings. This is a trial, and she's pleading insanity. Watch Fortnight again. Do you think that she thinks she's insane?

Before you answer, I'll leave you with this quote:

"If you make the joke first and you make the joke better, then it's kind of like, it's not as funny when other people call you a name."

Lastly, Anon, if you listened to TTPD and your overall takeaway was that Taylor now despises Matty, then I'm genuinely shocked you would even want a reunion between them! There's some part of you that must not fully believe that, or else you wouldn't have found your way here. Either way, thanks for the ask! 🤍

#answered #tatty #maylor #taylor x matty #speculation: ttpd

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tolerateit · 1 month

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hi, different anon, could you elaborate how this album puts a different light on renegade? because i kinda get what you mean, but also i'm not able to entirely articulate it lol. i would just like to hear your perspective on that.

i also agree with the thing about so long london seeming so touching and still not so good in certain lyrics. i like this album but it does seem a bit like some lyrics are there for shock value more than anything deeper

prefacing this by saying that being in a relationship where your partner (and/or you too) is struggling with a mental illness is not a piece of cake and quitting the relationship because it was taking a toll on your own well-being is a perfectly valid reason that doesn't necessarily make you a bad person

now, the thing with renegade that I can't ignore now is the singer's insistence that her partner "gets their shit together so she can love them", which in hindsight I interpret as trying to heal from their mental illness, or want to try for recovery, and yes of course this is a sentiment most loved ones express when they're worried about you it also feels very conditional. "and if I would've known how many pieces you had crumbled into, I might have let them lay" -> I can't help but imagine how this would break my heart if I was on the receiving end of this line. And it's directly continued with so long London -> I stopped cpr after all it's no use/how much sad did you think I had in me/and im pissed off you let me give you all that youth for free -> almost as if supporting your partner through a difficult time was just a waste of your time and youth instead of a meaningful experience. (I love aaron's production which the sole reason why I still play it, because the lyrics don't hit hard and sound meh in some places)

Honestly, maybe I'm a little too sensitive about these lines and I'm probably misinterpreting some of the sentiments she's expressed in these songs. But that's how I am feeling about most of ttpd at the moment, and all I hope is that the fandom will find a little more kindness in their hearts towards people with mental illnesses because some of the opinions I've seen on here are disheartening and frankly, disturbing. Sorry if I think it is insensitive for you to say "get your shit together so I can love you" ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#you ask for the tab*#Hooo boy a little scared about posting this lol

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godsfavdarling · 1 month

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TTPD

pls enjoy my notes that bring absolutely nothing to the conversation. I am extremely overwhelmed.

1. Fortnight - LOL SHES SO REAL! 2. The Tortured Poets Department - okay matty healy. hate the charlie line. 3. My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys - fav so far!! 4. Down Bad - love it!!! 5. So Long, London - oh my fucking god. jesus christ. 6. But Daddy I Love Him - SHE JUST KEPT GOING. im not sure whats going on in this one. 7. Fresh Out the Slammer - the poems line!!!! the slammer being the relationship????!!!! 8. Florida!!! - THIS IS MY SONG! Florence sang soooo much!!!! As she should!!! Thats my girl!!!! Im so happy!!!!!! 9. Guilty as Sin? - the holy line?????!!! the whole bridge????!!! 10. Who's Afraid of Little Old Me? - i was clutching my pearls omg?? 11. I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can) - love it!! (this one about matty too?) 12. Loml - jesus christ. 13. I Can Do It With a Broken Heart - OH MY GOD??? 14. The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived - it's never good when we are starting with a breath. 15. The Alchemy - too many sport references. stop it. 16. Clara Bow - iconic already. 17. The Black Dog - i love that one! jumpscare! 18. Imgonnagetyouback - cute!!! 19. the albatross - love it!!!! fav for sure!! 20. chloe or sam or sophia or marcus - this was really fucked up. 21. How did it end? - this second half of this album is giving folkevermore and i'm absolutely living!!!!!! 22. so high school - this one is sooo cute!!!! i love it! (not gta mention) 23. I Hate It Here - FAV FOR SURE!!!!!!! 24. ThanK you aIMEE - crazy 25. I Look in People's Windows - love it! i have nothing to say i'm overwhelmed 26. the prophecy - omg?????????? did she read my diary or what? 27. Cassandra - i can't stop thinking how Florence has a song called Cassandra and Florence is on this album and ??? It's just weird. What is happening? 28. Peter - I have questions. it's pretty tho! 29. the bolter - ???? idk anymore help me 30. robin - cute! 31. the manuscript - is this about atw10??????

overall i predicted few weeks ago that this is gonna be my fav taylor album ever and i was correct!!! i love it! can't wait to listen to it for the rest of my life!

#ts ttpd #ttpd #ttpd era #the tortured poets department #taylor swift

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rainingmbappe · 1 month

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i just listened to star by mitski and i won't lie to you that song was in my recommended for a few days before you had told me about it. i didn't check it out at first cause i don't listen to mitski that much (she makes me cry lol) but when you recommended it to me i thought "why not then".

i cannot really explain what i felt the first time i listened to it, yet i'm insanely grateful i was able to have my first listen because of you. even though the music video looks so "effortless" it feels so intimate and looks genuinely really beautiful. her expressions create a whole world, and i feel like a swiftie just describing everythingndfbsfbh but at least i can say that mitski is a real lyricist genius. (side eyeing the 14 y'os saying TTPD is the best album in the universe).

"keep a leftover light burning" this is so powerful idec, i always keep these memories with me, these times that made me so happy. and even though they don't feel so vivid anymore, they taste like leftovers yes, they warm my heart still. i can't even, i wish i had the ability to describe how i felt listening to that song (i'm listening to it again rn). i never had any relationship but i hold platonic love so deeply, much more than any romantic relationship i could ever have. i know this sounds contradictory and pathetic but i feel like i can be much more intimate with a friend through the things i feel and the things i say. i know i will never be judged by a true friend, i know i don't have to meet these certain expectations with them that would be needed in a romantic relationship (of course they're not the same but bfdbsjbfs idk if u get me).

i love to talk about anything with you, you feel so close and it soothes my soul to know that i'm not alone feeling so incredibly deep for some things people don't bat an eye for.

i was outside today with a friend and when i walked home i was drinking the last few drops of my redbull (this sounds so ridiculous) and had to look up and my eyes met the sky, i froze for a moment seeing the clouds move so fast because of the wind and i thought of you. i don't know, it feels comforting to know that we are both looking at the same moon, at the same sky, at the same sun. that even though you're a whole continent away, you're not that very far from me in reality. it's all about perspective. compared to the size of the universe that is always expanding, you're like a feet away from me.

sorry i'm talking too much, i'm just in my feels it's late and i miss you i wish i could have ig so we could talk about anything forever. i know that if i knew you irl i would bother you all the time with questions and tell you all the things that go through my mind, i never shut up.

i still have the dorian gray book and every time i read it i think of you. I had highlighted something that made me think of you, you had told me something personal and it reminded me of that thing but i had completely forgotten about it : "my dear fellow, i am not quite serious but i can't help detesting my relations. i suppose it comes from the fact that none of us can stand other people having the same faults as ourselves." i didn't highlight anything else in that book, just that one sentence. i'm so sorry this is getting so long dnjskjbfh you're probably tired of me rambling this much, just one thing, i loved your sky pics and i'm so glad you posted them. you and nikola have a real talent when it comes to capture the best sky pictures, it's like you own it.

i don't know what time it is for you it must be very late, have a good night and i hope you're doing well <3

Stop with the apologizing, you and I both know that I giggle and feel this kind of eternal bliss whenever I see your asks in my inbox. So yeah ssssshhhhhhh

Just wanna say how real that miski thing is. I literally avoid her music cause it's frankly too heavy for the everyday, plus I'm not the bigggeeessstt fan of her sound (still an amazing amazing artist nonetheless). Yk, I've said this a lot in my life, but the pursuit of romantic love seems a bit pointless to me as compared to any other strong bond. People might say that it's my inexperience that makes me say this, and I'm open to change, but I genuinely believe that platonic relationships are the fundamentals of being human. Experiencing such bonds in deep and profound ways stays and impacts people in such great ways. I think about familial relationships a lot too when I listen to star. I haven't lost anyone close in my life, but it's one of my irrational fears. And this song just struck that cord that, frankly, doesn't exist?? So that's so weird, isn't it. Then I started thinking about the platonic side of the song, which made it 939292 times worse loll

(BTW taylor shade SO REAAALLL)

And yes I get you completely. Friends don't jusdge you in that way yk??? Atleast some don't. And that feeling, ugh it's so so hard to describe but you know it if you've felt it.

AND oh my god I teared up when I read the cloud thing. I think constantly about how starting from dinosaurs, to Shakespeare, to messi and you, we all share the same sky. Claimed by none, tainted by none. I love that. We look at the same moon. Our eyes look at the same thing in the flesh. Isn't that bizarre? Its like this invisible string that connects us. And I'm so sorry if I sound weird but. I think of you a lot. This was in March, when I was just thinking about how I'll probably never meet anyone like you again. And I thought you had left for good and forever and that you were lost in the world. Even if I wanted, I'd never be able to reach you. And that thought precisely freaked me tf out. Cause. You would just be lost forever, wouldn't you? And I couldn't stand that thought and I cried just a tinnnyyyy bit (istg don't juddgeeeee). But these asks are literally my whole world. You don't even I don't expect you to but just know that when you sent in that first one, I wasn't sure it was you but had this distinct feeling in my heart. And I couldn't be gladder that it IS you.

AWWWW I say this without exaggeration, if we knew eachother, we wouldn't get work done. Like ever. I already try to make these asks as long as I possibly can to never end talking to you, if we had any way of texting, I swear we'd talk alllllllll the time. And I think that would heal me tbh aodnlsnxlsjdke

Yk I want to shake you and tell you to never ever everrrr be sorry for talking too much atleast to me. If I havnt made it absolutely clear already, I love talking to you and the more the merrier hahaha. No but seriously, i love talking to you. The best yhing about us was we didn't have to pretend like we didn't have negative thoughts. Like all our thoughts we're roses and daisies. We talked about the hard and the bad stuff and then shared our mutual love for the cosmos, it was amazing. It IS amazing

It's almost 1 and I have online school tomorrow. I'm trying soooo hard not to throw a 5 yo-esque tantrum rn (ik online school is not that bad but even then I hate it)

I feel like I didn't respond to everything I wanted to. But tbh I could go on for foreverrrrrr. Maybe I'll edit it in the morning and add more hhehehhehe.

Also. I can't belive you still remember the Dorian Gray thing. I'll go cry now thanks a lot ksksksnzsmsmzwlz

Miss you terribly. I love you and hope you have a great night ahead <3

#skskskzjkw i love talking to you #even if its asks likeee #🔭🌌 anon

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