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pathetic-sapphic · 8 months

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could u mayhaps do arcane women (and more specifically JINX!!) with a S/O who has body image issues :( and mainly how they would cheer them up!

Vi, Jinx and Caitlyn with a S/O who has body image issues

VI is generally a very touchy person who often showers you with compliments. However, as soon as she notices the way your body tenses up, she is quick to ask you if she made you uncomfortable. Once you explain that that isn't the case, she gently pulls you to sit down next to her and asks you to explain what the issue is. She patiently listens and holds your hand the entire time, nodding and humming softly to let you know she's paying attention. Once you've finished, she pulls you in a hug, tearily apologizing for not noticing sooner and vowing to make you feel like the prettiest person in the entire world. She knows it may not be easy, but she's ready to dedicate all of her patience and support to you.

''Oh babe, I wish I knew this before. It's okay, you can cry all you need. I'm right here baby and I'm not leaving. I'm sorry that you have to deal with that pain, I promise I'll help you learn to love yourself. I know it might not be easy, but you have me and I'll be with you every step of the way, okay? Good, I love you, we're gonna get through this.''

JINX is a very clingy person who will give you the weirdest (but also sweetest) compliments and an array of cringey pet names. Soon she notices that you're not giving her much of a reaction whenever she calls you pretty or compliments your body. Makes you face her and demands you tell her what's wrong. Initially panics when you start crying but manages to pull you into her lap, gently shushing you, and lightly scratching your head. Once you reveal your insecurities, Jinx is shocked. She could never believe that someone as wonderful and beautiful as you could have such dark thoughts about themselves. I've touched on this topic before but she would absolutely write compliments all over your body with a body-safe marker.

''C'mon toots, just tell me what's wrong already! I can tell that something is bothering you, tell me what it is! What's- Oh no, you're crying. Why are you crying? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be so harsh, babe! Come here, lay in my lap. There we go, it's gonna be alright, trinket. Just tell me what's got you looking so glum, I promise I won't be mad. What? Why would you think that? Well, none of that is true, you have to know that, right? In that case, sit tight, I just gotta get my paints and then I'll show you what masterpiece you truly are!''

CAITLYN is quite observant so she quickly notices the way your face drops whenever you meet your reflection in the mirror or how frustrated you sometimes get when getting ready. She doesn't want to push you into talking about it so instead she'll take you shopping. Caitlyn makes sure to pick out clothes that are both your style and suit you well, giving you compliments and praises whenever you try things on. However, it only seems to make you even sadder. So, when the two of you get home, she sits you down and practically begs you to tell her what is the matter. Caitlyn's heart breaks as soon as the first tear falls and she winds up an arm around your waist, the other one caressing your hair away from your flushed and wet cheeks. She kisses your forehead and reassures you that none of that is true, it pains her to know that you have such a negative opinion about yourself and she will do anything in her power to diminish it.

''Darling, please stop evading my questions, I can tell you that something has been bothering you for a while. Please tell me so I know how to help you. Oh, I'm so sorry you've been feeling that way, my dear. But it's okay, I understand now and I'll be here to help you. I'll help you see yourself and love yourself as I do. You're my sweetheart and I never wish to see you hurting, I'll do whatever it takes for you to feel happy and comfortable in your skin.''

#arcane #arcane x reader #arcane headcanons #arcane vi #vi x reader #arcane jinx #jinx x reader #arcane caitlyn #caitlyn x reader

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stubz · 1 month

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Tuk didn't like this. She didn't like having to carry the tank and mask, didn't like being on the ship, and certainly didn't like this coal-ition.

But they could help Mom and Dad get rid of the RDA and they were healing Neteyam so she was trying not to whine. Well not too much.

It made her feel a little better that Loak and Kiri didn't like this place either. Spider was still deciding.

Right now they on a tour of the ship, their guide looked like a fluffy Prolemuris, or as Dad called them, a monkey. It was boring.

Only the others found it cool and that's cause Spider can breathe and all the new creatures they saw and the science thingy's.

So when Tuk heard the sound of kids laughing around the corner she followed it.

Down a large hallway she saw a giant door with a huge sign that said something care something. She wasn't really paying attention when Dad and uncle Norm tried teaching her how to read.

Looking back and seeing that the others were too busy to stop her she walked in.

Inside was a giant room filled with kids, tables, stuff, more stuff and toys.

"Hi, are you new here?" she looked down and saw another creature that looked like their guide, a tiny fluffy monkey thing.

"Uhh yeah. What is this place?"

"This is the youngling centre. It's where we stay until our parents can take us home. I'm Marl."

"Tuk."

"...what are you?"

"Huh?"

"What are you? I've never seen anyone so tall, or blue."

"Uh a Na'vi. ..what are you?"

"I'm a Ursa." for a moment they stared at each other. As most children do when seeing something/someone new.

"Put your foot in for freeze tag!"

"Ooo freeze tag! Come on lets go play!"

"What's freeze tag?"

"It's a new game we just learned. Its easy." The little Ursa grabbed Tuk's tail using it as a leash to pull her along.

Freeze tag was Tuk's new favorite game. She loved running and there was lots of running and even if she got caught she could get out if someone unfreezed her.

The books were also fun. Marl read to her and let her hold the book. She liked the one's by Robert Munch, she also liked his funny name.

There were lots of other things to do too. There was a climbing area with fake tree tops and lots of ropes to swing on. In the back there was a shallow pool to swim in, it was fun but she didn't like having to dry off with the scratchy towels.

There were was blocks that stuck together which made building easier. Tons of markers, crayons, and paint that was hard to get back at home. They even got lunch.

"Okay kids you know the rules, grab a plate a drink and find a spot to sit."

"Teacher Max we need a chair for Tuk!"

"One chair coming right up...wait who?"

"Tuk. She's new."

It was at this moment Tuk realized she hadn't noticed the two adults in charge here. And it was at this moment that said adults realized they had one more child than usual.

"Oh hey, nice to meet you. Tuk was it," she nodded. "I'm Max and that's Kim. We're the teachers here."

Of all the new creatures and beings Tuk's seen so far it was only now that she was nervous. Humans had that effect on her. Not all humans, Spider definitely never made her nervous, but new ones did.

She knew her Dad used to be one, loved and liked uncle Norm and all the human scientists her family knew. But ever since what happened to Neteyam and their home, both the old one and new one, she was a little nervous.

"Do you like it here so far?" Luckily for her Max had noticed her nerves and knelt down to give her the advantage of height and to look her in the eyes.

She nodded.

"Well that's good. What do you like so far?"

"...the games...and drawing stuff and the food, it's good." he laughed.

"Well thank you, it's a family recipe. And I'm sure Kim will be happy to hear that you like the games she's taught the kids."

With that he gave her a chair and left her to finish her meal with Marl.

"Hi Tuk, I'm Kim."

"...hi."

"I noticed that your really tall. How old are you? 20?"

"No? I'm only 7." she smiled.

"What?? No way. You're almost as tall as me!"

"Actually Teacher, I think she's taller than you."

"No!"

"Tuk Tuk, stand up! Let's see!"

She got up and true enough she was taller than the adult by 2 inches.

"Holy...I didn't actually think you'd be taller than me." Kim had seen tall kids before but never had she met a kid taller than her this young.

The children laughed cheering that finally someone was taller than their shortest teacher. Tuk couldn't help but join in, standing on her tippy toes to make her even taller.

"Okay, okay that's enough. Calm down. Now, Tuk, since your so tall do you think you could help me with something?" Tuk hesitated but nodded.

Kim lead her to a tall bookshelf that had a doll stuck ontop of it.

"This has been stuck there for the whole day and we can't get it since the bookshelf can't be climbed and the ladder is broken. So what I'm thinking is you get on my shoulders and grab it. Sound good?"

"I get on your shoulders?"

"You don't have to if your scared of heights, I can ask one of the other kids or just wait."

"I'm not scared of heights," she pouted. "I just don't think you can carry me. I'm big and your small."

"Oh really?" and before Tuk could say anything she was tossed over Kim's shoulder.

"Still think I'm too small!" the blue child shrieked with laughter until she was put down and together the two got the doll down.

...

"What do you think the emergency is about?"

"Maybe Smelv burnt dinner again."

"Nah I don't think so. Captain look a little too tense for a simple fire alarm."

"So I called all of you here because we have a missing child. She was last seen on a tour of the ship with her siblings. Her name is Tuk and she is a Na'vi; tall, tail, blue, bi-pedal." he brings up a hologram of her from the security footage.

"...JAMES CAMERON WAS RIGHT?!"

"...shit I knew we weren't expecting another kid."

....

"Dad! Dad! Can I go to school here?"

"Your grounded. As are all of you." he added looking at his older kids. Plus Spider.

"Aww, Kim, Max, can I go to school here?"

"...uh Tuk, I think that's a question for another day..." preferably when your mom isn't about to bite my head off thought Kim.

"Yeah definitely. Definitely not the best time right now." Max was sweating bullets trying not make eye-contact with the Captain who was very not subtlety growling at him.

'We fucked up.' they both thought.

#humans are space orcs #humans are space oddities #the adventures of kim and max running a space child care centre #james cameron is from another earth that was created much sooner than ours and has 2 moons or something #and travelled to our planet to give us Avatar #crack idea #Neteyam lives cause screw that ending #years ago. for like 30 min at work. I played with and took care of a child thinking they were part of our program #only to realize they were here with their parents and just using our playground

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certifiedtrashmouth · 1 year

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Oh gosh I don’t wanna repeat someone and I’m not sure about Xmas traditions but what about ridiculous stocking stuffers w Eddie? Fluff/humor.

oh, god. this one also got out of hand. started in light-hearted fun and ended in fluff that had me screaming into my pillow. i'm sorry for the length.

good for one kiss (eddie munson x reader)

warnings: none really. mentions of penis??? (eddie makes a joke about his dick and there's mention of a blowjob but no description lol), mentions of cigarettes, idiots in love. best friends to lovers.

“What am I supposed to do with a single piece of gum?”

“What am I supposed to do with a single cigarette?”

“Smoke it, idiot.”

“It’s broken, idiot.”

“Oh.”

You and Eddie sit cross-legged across from each other on his bed on Christmas Eve, partaking in your annual gift exchange. But there was a catch; each year, you exchanged stockings, only gifting each other what you could fit in the glorified, fleece-lined socks. There had only been two exceptions to the rule of the years - the year you’d gifted Eddie his first professional-grade amp and he’d bawled like a baby (once he’d dried his tears, he’d threatened you and Wayne both endlessly about ever letting the story leave the room. The two of you had exchanged a look, though, knowing neither of you would ever let him live it down.) and the year Eddie had bought you your first acoustic six-string with the promise of lessons from him (it was onyx black and shined with promise as Eddie explained the two of you needed to use paint markers to decorate it).

It was going on five years of the tradition that had stemmed from both of you never being able to afford much for each other, but still wanting to show you care nevertheless. And as the years had gone on, the gifts had slowly found their rhythm. There was always a perfect mixture of cliche throwaway gifts, gag gifts, and gifts so sentimental that some tears were sure to be shed by one of the parties.

“I didn’t think it would break,” you scrunch your nose slightly as Eddie holds up the cigarette, limp from the crack in the middle of it.

“What did you expect, just throwing it in here like that?” Eddie laughs, not bothered in the slightest. He had a pack of Camels snug in the pocket of his leather jacket slung over his desk chair. It was the thought that counted, after all.

“I expected it to be absolutely fucking invincible for how expensive the pack was,” you whine, and he can’t help but watch you with bemusement, “I spent my last dollar from my tips on that damn pack.”

The mention of that softens the look in Eddie’s eyes. He knew the two of you struggled to come up with enough money to even keep up this tradition; he had hardly seen you due to how many spare shifts you’d been picking up at Benny’s the last few weeks.

You catch the look, immediately straighten up, “No, no, no. Don’t even go there, Munson. I can see you going there. Come back to me, idiot.”

Idiot. The term of endearment you’d coined for him since you’d first met in sophomore year of high school. He’d heard it in a dozen different tones - elated, annoyed, exhausted - but not a single one held an ounce of genuine negativity towards him. You made idiot sound like my love.

He wasn’t your lover, though. He kicked himself in the shins every morning over it, always telling himself that today was the day and I’m going to tell her how I feel finally.

Spoiler alert. He never did.

“Sorry, sweetheart,” he offers up his own loving nickname for you, “I just know you’ve been busting your ass at Benny’s-”

“Yes, I have, because I want to spoil you for the holidays. I don’t regret a single second of it. Even when those creepy old men tried to shove the dollar bills in my shirt rather than just hand them to me.”

You both laugh at the memory. It hadn’t been very funny when it happened, leading to you calling Eddie crying and him coming to your rescue, but enough time had passed to see the humor in it all.

The rest of the gift exchange goes as expected for the most part. The gag gifts pull the appropriate amount of laughter, and the more genuine gifts pull a softness out of each other that nearly had each of your eyes’ pupils forming hearts.

Eddie fawns over a pack of pics you’d had customized with Corroded Coffin’s logo, and you react just as bluntly as expected when you pull a long red candle from your stocking, looking up to Eddie blankly.

“For when I finally sacrifice you in the woods,” he explains with a cheesy grin, “Gotta have candles if we’re going to worship Satan, sweetheart.”

“Ha-ha,” you dead pan, tilting your head slightly as you keep a straight face, completely unimpressed, “You’re hilarious, Munson.”

“Hey, I could have made a sex joke,” he throws up his hands in a defensive manner, shrugging his shoulders and looking to the ground in faux shyness.

“Yeah, yeah - you could have made a sex joke,” you mumble as you shove the candle to the side, a smile still escaping the corners of your mouth.

“As a matter of fact, I still can. Don’t think I didn’t notice the fact that you replaced my stocking this year, darling, and that it’s noticeably larger. Finally big enough to fit over my massive dic-”

“You’re disgusting,” you interrupt, grabbing the candle and now whacking one of his knees with it, making him fall victim to an uncontrollable giggling fit, “Have you ever been told that? Let me be the first to tell you - you’re absolutely vile, Edward Munson.”

You don’t mean it, and he knows you don’t. You’re both laughing too much over it.

You’re starting to get to the bottom of the stockings now. You each have an odd arrangement of candy that had been included in each respective stocking - Eddie is socking on a blue jolly rancher, being sure to make annoying slurping noises to get a rise out of you, as you nibble on a miniature candy cane. There’s only one gift left in your stocking, a small box that you only reach for once you rewrap the candy cane in the plastic wrap it’d come in that you’d saved to avoid getting sticky fingers.

“What’s this?” you ask, pulling it out and letting the empty stocking fall into your lap.

Eddie looks up from where he was preoccupied with attempting to open another jolly rancher. His eyes light up from the present in your palm, “Oh, only saving the best one for last, sweet thing.”

You look at him questioningly, but begin to slide your finger under the delicate edge of the small box regardless. It takes concentration to pry open the box without tearing it, but you do, you gasp.

In a bed of cotton, there’s a necklace.

It looks like a copy of Eddie’s signature pick necklace. But instead of the dark swirling black between clouds of burgundy red, it shines with pearlescent opal white and ruby red, glimmering on a silver chain as if it were made of jewels.

When you gently lift it from the box, it’s clear it’s not a real pick. It’s heavier - Hell, it might actually be made of gemstones.

“Eddie-” you gasp, cutting yourself off, mesmerized by the beauty.

He’s nearly shaking with delight, “It’s a locket. Look, open it.”

You see what he means immediately, realizing that the weight was from the thickness of the faux pick. There’s a subtle seam, with a silver lock on the side that clicks gently when you press on it. The locket swings open, and inside is a snug photo of you and Eddie. You can pinpoint exactly when the photo was taken; it was at your birthday party two years ago, both of you laughing with cake icing on the tips of your nose. The photo is in dramatic black and white, but you can still picture how obnoxiously red your cheeks were with Eddie’s arm slung around your shoulder, pulling you into him as you two lost it over God knows what.

You feel yourself beginning to tear up, completely stunned, “I- Oh my God, Eddie. I don’t know what to say.”

“You can start with how I’m the best friend ever,” he cheekily grins, wiggling his eyebrows at you as you let out a breathless laugh.

“It’s…God, it’s beautiful. This- This is too much, Eddie. I can’t imagine how expensive-”

“Nope,” he cuts you off quickly, waving his hands frantically, refusing to listen to your lecture. He didn’t care if it had cost him everything he owned, down to the clothes on his back - it was worth it to see that look on your face. “Don’t even start, sweetheart. One of Wayne’s friends at the plant has a wife who makes jewelry for a living. We got the family discount because she thought the idea was so dang adorable,” his voice pitches to mock the mystery woman, and it makes you tearily laugh some more.

You look back down at the open locker, finger tracing over the opposite side from the photo.

E. It’s engraved in cursive. As if you’d ever forget the initial of the boy in the photo - the boy in front of you.

“You really had to choose the photo that made me look like a dork, didn’t you?” you softly tease under your breath, staring at the memory in unfiltered fondness.

“Someone’s got to keep you humble,” he retorts.

You ignore his comment, standing quickly and holding the necklace out to him, “Help me put it on?”

He doesn’t hesitate to leap off the bed to your side, taking the chain gingerly before you turn and face your back to him. His movements are careful and deliberate as he brushes your hair off to the side, cold fingers skimming over your skin and sending shivers down your spine before he loops the necklace around the front of your chest. You can feel his warm breath on the nape of your neck as he fiddles with the clasp for a few moments before finding success.

“Aha! Perfect,” he claps as you spin around, grinning giddily at the weight that sits naturally between your collarbones. It gives you a sense of security, a sense of comfort, a sense of home.

“Thank you, Eddie,” you earnestly say, voice crumbling with emotions as your smile shines and you lift a hand to pinch the necklace between two fingers. The locket is smooth as you rub over it, “I love it.”

His face reflects your happiness right back before you suddenly throw yourself forward, wrapping your arms tightly around his shoulders and pulling him into a bone-crushing hug. He returns it immediately, squeezing you back just as strongly. You both melt into the hug, comfortable as you eventually beginning to just-barely-sway in the middle of Eddie’s room, chests pressed together as hearts beat in sync.

“Merry Christmas, sweetheart,” he murmurs against your hair before placing a chaste kiss on your temple.

“Merry Christmas, Eds.”

You finally pull away, both of you returning to your original positions on the bed. Gifts are scattered around you, mixing with candy and wrappers, as Eddie pulls up his stocking and begins to shake it upside down.

“There’s not any more gifts, Eddie, you already opened them-” you cut yourself off, the smile that had your cheeks aching still fading when a piece of paper flutters from his stocking.

Oh no.

“No more gifts, you say?” he smirks in your direction, picking up the folded note, “What’s this, then?”

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

You’d forgotten about that. When you’d been wrapping Eddie’s gifts the night before, Robin had joined you to keep you company. The two of you had broken into a few bottles of wine around the house when you had a bright idea (at least, at the time it seemed bright. Now, it was the dumbest idea you’d ever had. Ever.). Coupons for Eddie, ranging from redemption for kisses to redemption for more… explicit acts. To be fair, Robin had egged you on, knowing of your hopeless crush of two years on your best friend. You’d folded each ‘coupon’ and sealed them with kisses from red lipstick the two of you had dug out of your desk drawers. You’d chickened out when the buzz from the wine faded, and pulled all of the ridiculous notes out before properly filling the stocking with his actual gifts.

Or at least, you thought you’d gotten all of the notes out. Clearly, you hadn’t.

“Don’t open that!” you blurt out, lurching forward and attempting to snatch the paper from Eddie. It only makes his smirk grow, hand shooting out away from you, glancing wildly between you and the kiss-stained paper.

“Now you’ve really got me curious,” he mocks, pulling a face at you as he brings the paper back to his face, beginning to unfold it.

“No, Eddie, seriously, don’t read it. Please. It was so stupid, I- Robin and I were drinking, and I just…” you trail off in your explanation as he completely disregards you and his eyes trail over your scribbled words.

You didn’t even know which one had been left behind. You could only hope it was one of the less vulgar ones.

“Is this a joke?” he asks softly. You’re shocked - you’d expected merciless teasing. Not whatever look was currently in his eyes.

“What?” you ask, trying to peer over to see what the paper said. Depending on which dumb coupon it was, your answer would change, “I- Sort of. Maybe. No. I don’t know.”

You begin to wring your hands in your lap, waiting for him to respond. You felt so nauseated you considered escaping to the bathroom. Maybe you could die of embarrassment in the Munson men’s bathtub.

But then you remember it’s the Munson men’s bathtub, and decide the better fate may lay here, Eddie glancing up at you with moving curiosity, eyebrows furrowed.

Your cheeks burn crimson as you wish for the Earth to swallow you whole.

“Yes or no? Is it a joke?” he asks again, a stern tone that manages to not come across angry.

Your stomach and chest twist in sync, “No. It isn’t a joke.”

Suddenly, Eddie is taking the note and thrusting it towards you, eyes blown wide and chest heaving.

“Then I’d like to redeem it now, please.”

You don’t realize it, but the room had started spinning the moment Eddie had read what was written down. It felt like a dream - a dream he’d indulged in with no hopes of it ever coming true for an embarrassingly long amount of time now.

Your hands shake as you reach out to take the note from him, and you look down to see just how much drunk you had screwed you over in this moment.

In your messy handwriting, it reads: Coupon for Eddie Munson - good for one (1) kiss. To be redeemed at Eddie’s discretion.

You breathe out a sigh of relief, thankful it wasn't a vulgar one, before the reality of what Eddie had just requested hits you.

“Did you just- did you just say you want to redeem it now?”

Eddie nods, a determined look crossing his face, “Yes, please.”

You both stare at each other for a moment, letting the emotions in the air sink in. It takes a moment before you both break out into withheld, shy smiles.

“Okay,” you sigh.

Before you can overthink it, you’re both leaning forward, Eddie’s hands cupping your cheeks as his lips meet yours tenderly. It’s just a peck, nothing more, but it sends your heart into cardiac arrest. You can still taste the jolly ranchers on his lips, and he tastes the sweet mint of the candy cane on yours.

You both pull back slightly, his hands not leaving your face, knees pressing together. Your eyes had fluttered close, and you don’t have the guts to open them quite yet and face the consequences of what had just happened between the two of you.

“I like you,” you admit quietly, your entire body tensing as you await rejection.

It doesn’t come. Instead, you’re met with the sound of Eddie’s gentle voice, “I like you, too.”

Your eyes finally spring open to already find him staring at you with adoration. “You do?”

“Of course I do, sweetheart. I let you touch my first sweetheart. I only give that privilege to the prettiest of girls,” he laughs, eyes flickering to your lips but still keeping his distance.

“You’ve only let me have that privilege.”

“Exactly.”

He finally closes the distance again, lips slotting against yours as if they’re meant to be. Something clicks in the Universe, something that says that this is right and meant to happen. Two years of silent and hopeless pining, only to find out both your feelings were returned. It leaves the two of you delirious as you both deepen the kiss. Somehow, Eddie ends up scooting up his bed until his back meets the wall where his headboard would be if he had one, you straddling his lap. It’s all still so innocent; just the two of you, soft and sickly sweet kisses as you hold one another as if you expect the other to vanish.

“Merry Christmas, Eds,” you repeat your earlier statement and reach up to his gifted locket on instinct now. It feels right. You and him this close, you and him kissing, the photo of you resting against your chest where it belongs.

“Best Christmas ever,” he chuckles before he captures you in another kiss.

He’s right. It’s safe to say the two of you struggle to ever top that Christmas. You make it a running joke to always include coupons in his stocking from that year on. Each year, the coupons get better, sometimes raunchy and sometimes just downright adorable.

Good for one cuddle.

Good for one blowjob (don’t waste it).

Good for one surprise date night.

They’re always fairly clever, and each year, he thinks you get closer to topping that first note.

But it’s not until years down the road, when the two of you sit across from each other in your now shared living room, in some big city you now call home, that he knows that he had finally topped that year. The look on your face when you dig into the bottom of your stocking, finding the small box that contains the diamond ring he’d been saving up for ever since that first kiss, tells him everything he needs to know.

It’s still pretty nice when he hears you squeal yes out loud, though.

#twenty four hours of christmas #writing #asks #eddie munson #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson x you #eddie munson imagine #this one... this one got to me #but in a soft way

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baby-alien11 · 1 year

Text

being in a relationship with Chad and Liv

Some would think that living in a small town like Woodsboro will be fun and quiet, but after the mass murders that had happened since the 90's and the Stab franchise nothing was the same

Fortunately, you grew up with a nice group of friends who almost everyone (rarely) had a relation with previous victims from past ghostfaces, being Tara and you the only ones who weren't related to them

But the one who you were most close, was Chad

While growing up, you often spend time in your houses, it didn't matter if it were to do homework, play, watch movies or simply spend time doing nothing

Being that close, meant that your parents were also close due to your friendship

Sometimes when you spend time in the Meeks-Martin house, you would scape to Mindy's room to watch true crimes videos or documentaries

Ending in a small discussion between the twins about spending time with you

All that closeness between you and Chad developed into a relationship when you were starting high school

Basically, things stayed like before, except that now there were kisses and playful touches between the two

And also intimacy moments

During the most part of high school, the two of you were the perfect example of childhood friends to lovers and kinda like the perfect couple

And then, Liv McKenzie entered both of your lifes

"Who is that?", you asked to no one after saw her walking in the hallways, "I love her pink hair"

"That's Liv, we work together", Tara who was with you and Chad at that moment, answered

"She looks nice", Chad commented

After that moment, you and Chad often tried to be close to Liv due to curiosity and interest towards her

Which she gladly accepted because she felt comfortable around you two

It wasn't until a few weeks later, that you and Chad realised that both of you developed feelings towards Liv

Realising that, you and Chad talked about the situation for a few hours, you two went to the conclusion tthat both of you liked Liv and wanted to try a relation of three

But first of all, you needed to talk to her to know her opinions

"Hey, Liv", you called her while you were getting your nails done, "How you feel about consensual relationships of three people"

"I think they're interesting", she responded, "I guess it's more fun and all that, why the cuestion?"

"Simple curiosity", you shrugged, "Chad and I are going bowling tonight, want to come?"

"Sure"

Having that answer, you and Chad decided to wait a few days to tell Liv about your feelings

The day when you both decided to tell her about having a relationship of three, Chad and you decided to do it in a comfortable place, which was your place

When Liv arrived, you led her to your room when Chad was waiting

Explaining everything to her on how you and Chad like her and how both of you developed feelings towards her, ending with the proposal of becoming a throuple

With fear for her answer, you both listened what she had to say

Sighing in relief when Liv also said that she liked both of you, starting a relationship that same day

The next day at school, when the three of you entered taking hands no one was surprised because of your closeness

But when you three shared a kiss before going to your classes everyone lost their minds

"What the hell?", Wes murmured

"Y/N likes girls and didn't tell me?", Mindy exclaimed, "I'm her best friend!"

"I kinda see it coming", Amber commented

"Same, they often spend all the time together, it was a matter of time", Tara agreed

Liv was an artistic person, and she had her collection of different pencils of color, markers, paints, etc, so both of you often, mostly because of boredom, used the markers to color on Chad's tattoos

One time, accidentally use the permanent ones, so he had to go like that during a few days

For a few months, things were good

Until Tara was attacked by Ghostface

With the attacks back in town, Chad had the idea that the three of you had the FindMyFam app to keep track on each other

But Liv and you rejected the idea

Also it wasn't very helpful to the situation, that Liv's ex hook up was around

"Oh shit, is that...Vince?", Liv interrupted the conversation about Ghostface

Hearing that, you and Chad were the first to alert noticing the guy a few metters away

"Wait, the creep you hooked up with last summer?", Chad asked

"Yeah, he worked with me and Tara"

"Babe, your taste got better after waisting your time with the creep", you commented while circling her waist with your arms

"He worked with Tara?", Amber asked with interest

"He's been stalking my Instagram the last couple weeks, posting the creepiest shit"

"Probably time to introduce him to Hobbs and Shaw", Chad said refering to his muscled arms

"All the time that Mindy and I spend watching true crime videos, is finally paying off", you add with a playful smile, "I know how to hide a body without leaving evidence"

After hearing that Tara had woken up, all the group, except for Liv, went to the hospital, were a few time later, Tara's sister, Sam along her boyfriend Richie arrived

Things got worse after the first attack, because after a discussion between Chad and Vince at a bar, the older one was founded dead, and in the hospital, Sam was attacked by Ghostface

The next morning, Sam called to a reunion in the twins house to find a solution about the situation

Thanks to the fact that you, Liv and Chad slept in there to feel more secure, which Mindy took every opportunity to tease the three of you

Sleeping in the same bed, implied that during the night the three of you often change positions, almost always ending with one of them falling of the bed, mostly Chad

But that helped to feel a little more relaxed

Also, there was the fact that Martha, the twins' mom, loved Liv and you like daughters, so she didn't have a problem with the three of you hanging out in her house

During the meeting, Sam revealed that her father was Billy Loomis, one of the original killers

That revelation and the connection in the kills, ended up with Mindy saying a monologue about how all of you were in a 'requel' and only legacy characters die

Unfortunately, these rules didn't apply because Wes, Sheriff Jude and Dewey died

Due to that, Amber had the "great" idea to host a party in honnor of Wes

"I hate this house", you said while you and Liv waited for Chad who was looking for drinks, "People died and was stab in here"

"It has bad vibes", Liv agreed, "I don't know how Amber can live in here"

"That's a little suspicious now that you said it, why live in the murder house?"

"Beautiful ladies, your drinks and boyfriend are here", Chad interrumpted handing the drinks

After a little while, with the drinks forgotten in the center table, the three of you started to get a little more passionate

When suddenly Liv broke the moment to confess that she was ready to elevate things in the relationship

While you were happy that she felt comfortable with having sex, Chad on the other hand, rejected the idea

And ruin it by implying that Liv might be the killer, which ended up in her leaving mad

"Okey, I'm going to follow her and try to fix this", you said to Chad standing up from the couch, "When we back you are going to apologize"

"I didn't meant to make her mad", Chad defended himself

"I know, but you did, so think about what you are going to say to apologize"

"Are you taking your personal defense keychain?"

"As always!", that was the last thing you said after leaving the house

While crossing the front yard, you took the keychain in between your hands firmly to start walking in the streets, founding her in the middle of her way home

"Liv!", you yelled gainning her attention whitout stopping to run towards her, "Wait!"

"Y/N, babe what are you doing?", Liv exclaimed hugging you, "There's a killer on the streets!"

"I know, but I'm sorry for what Chad said, he was wrong, but he's a little paranoid about this shitty situation"

"So you came to apologize in his behalf?"

"No, I came to look for you so he can apologize"

"Are you serious?"

"Of course I do", you said while taking her hans, "Babe, we love you, and yes Chad was an idiot for implying that, and that's why he wants to apologize, so can we go back and be the happy throuple that we are?"

"Okay"

During the walk towards Amber's house, Liv realised that she left her phone at that house, which was weird because she always had it in her purse

When you arrived at the house, the horrible scene of Chad laying on the grass covered in blood and cuts was the first thing you saw

Inmediatly, both of you run towards him to see how bad he was

"He has pulse!", you anounced with tears after checking his vital signs, "Fuck! What the hell happened?"

"I'll go alert the others", Liv said standing up to run inside the house

"Be careful", you exclaimed before returning your attention to your boyfriend while applying presure to some cuts, "Don't worry babe, everything is gonna be okay"

Without stopping to apply preasure, you managed to call 911 to ask for help

Unfortunately, things inside the house ddin't seem well becuase all the noise from gunshots, screams and hits making you feel scared for your girlfriend and friends

During the sunrise, all was over in time when the police and ambulances arrived at the place

Quickly, Chad was put in one of them to threat his injuries while you stayed by his side

But everything went down when both of you knew that Liv was a victim of the killers, who were Amber and Richie

Hearing the fate of your girlfriend, Chad and you started crying in pain due to the loss of the girl you loved

During the funeral that was a few days after, both of you tried to stay strong for Liv's family, but it was hard because all the memories that you shared

"Guys, I want to thank you for making my daughter happy", Liv's mom said during the reception at the McKenzie home, "At the beggining I wasn't sure about the whole throuple thing, but she was happy"

"We loved her very much", you said trying to contain the tears

"She was so special to us", Chad added

"And I wanted for you to had something from her"

"Mrs McKenzie, that is not necessary", you tried to argue

"Please, I know is what she wanted", Liv's mom insisted, "Please"

At the end, both of you ended up choosing some scrunchies and accesories that she often use

Also, when Chad was full recovered, the two of you decided to have a small tattoo of the letter "L" in the left wrist in her memorie

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itsmebytch001 · 9 months

Note

Aaron being single and all gets the attention of a few ladies around the area. They know he has a daughter. They all be like ‘I’ll be her mommy for him’.

When said women start dating Aaron they barely last a week because y/n scares them away.

Aaron notices and is kinda proud of his daughter being overprotective of him.

She would do pranks like flour in hair dryer, ballon dropped on head full of glue and glitter, laxative in food.

She would act all good girl in front of her dad but when he turns his back it’s game over.

(I Love this one!)

Aaron was lonely, He a man pushing 45 was single with his daughter as his main company, and though he loved you pices the company of a 10 year old can only be tolerated so long, and it wasn't like he wasn't attracting women it was just they never stayed more than a week, and after Diana he simply wasn't willing to put himself through all that again.

Women thought highly of him for being a competent single Dad and thought that you needed a Mommy, and sure you wanted a Mommy, but you could feel that these women didn't really care about you, you were just a stepping stone to Aaron. And you weren't having it.

The first was Linda who was warded off by your posioning of the food with laxitives, sure she could never prove it, but it was you.

The second was Mira scared off by a can of hair spray and a lighter.

The third was Tiff who was a germaphobe, so you being the normal child you were found a dead rat, came home to find her sitting on the couch, and threw it at her.

Of course Aaron didn't know about these events, if he had he would chastise you, but from his perspective he simply could not keep a woman.

Aaron: "I don't know what wrong? Am I just past my prime?"

Jeff: "I mean yeah, your 45"

Aaron: "I know I know, but It's like I got some lady I see once of twice and once I bring her home, she's gone"

Jeff: "You think it's the house?"

Aaron: "What is wrong with my house?!"

Jeff: "I don't know, it might spook her off"

Aaron: "There is nothing wrong with my home, and besides what would you know, you haven't been in the game for 10 years now you got Rio"

Jeff: "Yeah...I am lucky aren't I"

Aaron: "Ay! Keep your mind on one thing!"

Jeff: "Do you think...maybe it's Y/n?"

Aaron: "What do you mean?"

Jeff: "Sometimes when you aren't around she starts acting a menace"

Aaron: "Ha, your lying"

Jeff: "No man seriously, Miles says she's running a gum black market at school, dealing it out her piece for pocket change"

Aaron: "Come on man that's harmless"

Jeff: "MULTIPLE times I've had teachers come up and tell me how Y/n's been caught stealing from the school"

Aaron: "Oh really? And what she stealing?"

Jeff: "Paint, markers, a stapler, a chair"

Aaron: "If any of this is true, why haven't been told?"

Jeff: "Because all the teachers are to busy fawning over you! I'm telling you man Y/n is a little devil"

Aaron: "I think you and I are talkin bout different people" He rolls his eyes, but later in the day he can't stop thinking about what Jeff said, were you a different person when he was gone?

So he started watching you a little more, some would call it stalking, but is it really stalking if it's your own daughter? So he found himself observing you from across the road of Brooklyn Middle, and just as Jeff said, handing out bits on gum, and being handed change, but that was just small, kids stuff right? And he was proud that you were only ten and already a hustler, but were you also a thief?

That Friday Once school ended and he was waiting for you outside the gate having you rush over to him come home time noticed you were struggling to carry along your bag.

Aaron: "You want to me to carry that for you?"

Y/n: "No, It's fine"

Aaron: "You sure? it looks heavy"

Y/n: "Really Pa I'm good"

Suspicious

Later that night Aaron found himself sifting through your bag, only at the bottom to find a selcection of books, that weren't yours? He took out the books and placed them on the dinner table and waited for Saturday morning to confront you, and come Saturday morning you emerged from your room with tired little eyes to see your school bag had been emptied onto the table, and your stolen books had been found.

Aaron: "explain yourself"

Y/n: "Uhhhhh....Those are Floras...she asked me to hold them for her"

Damm she's a bad lair.

Aaron: "Y/n, This" He held up a thick textbook. "Is a Arabic language revision book"

Y/n: "Yeah?"

Aaron: "Flora dose not speak Arabic, if your going to lie to me least have it be consistent"

Y/n: "You don't Know she might" Your Dad raised an eyebrow at you, where you really going to try spin this?

Aaron: "get back in your room"

Y/n: "What?"

Aaron: "get back to your room, now, you can come out when your ready to tell me the truth"

Y/n: "Bu-"

Aaron: "Back! Now"

Y/n: "Fine! Whatever"

Aaron: "Don't whatever me young lady!"

It had been two hours now and still neither of you were budging, your Dad would pop in your room and ask 'You ready to talk?' To wtich he had met radio silence from you and a blank stare.

And he thought to maybe call some of his old flings, as them how they were, catch up.

Calling Mira...

ring

Mira: "What do you want?"

Aaron: "Hii Mira...I know it's been awhile since we last tak-"

Mira: "What do you want Aaron?"

Aaron: "I was just wondering if you'd like to come round and have dinner, we could catch up"

Mira: "You still got that daughter of yours?"

Aaron: "uh Yes?"

Mira: "I am not gonna put my self round that psychotic little girl of yours-"

Aaron: "Excuse me?"

Mira: "Good bye Aaron, Don't be calling me again til you get rid of that thing!"

Aaron: "The Fuc-"

Call ended

Calling Tiff

ring

Tiff: "You got alot of nerve calling me Aaron"

Aaron: "you just picked up and you already mad?"

Tiff: "What do you want?""

Aaron: "Damm, you are you so mad?"

Tiff: "Your child threw a dead animal at me"

Aaron: "Sorry, what?"

Tiff: "Did I stutter?"

Call ended

Aaron didn't need to call Linda to see a pattern forming, you were a diffrent person when he turned his back...but what now? He knew you were stealing things you simply didn't need, and throwing dead animals at people and scaring off all the women, he re entered your room.

Aaron: "Y/n"

Y/n: "Yes?"

Aaron: "You gonna tell me why I just got off the phone with Tiff, and she told me you threw a dead animal at her?"

...

Aaron: "Well did you?"

Y/n: "...No"

Aaron: "Don't lie to me girl I leave you at Auntie Rio's house and we both know how that gose If I tell her what you've been doing"

Y/n: "...maybe "

Aaron: "WHY?!"

Y/n: "Because...just because?"

Aaron: "Just because? Your gonna have to come up with a better answer than that before I start meting dolls"

Y/n: "Melt them...Mom will just buy me more"

Aaron: "Well Maybe You'd just like to live with Diana wouldn't you?"

Y/n: "Maybe I would"

Aaron: "Really? Really you wanna go stay with your Mom?"

Y/n: "Maybe I DO!"

Aaron: "Fine, start packing a bag because you ain't living here no more"

Y/n: "FINE"

Aaron: "FINE!" He slammed the door, realising he, a grown man pushing 40 had just stepped down to the level of his 10 year old, he heard rummaging coming from your room only for you to burst out the door with a suitcase ready to leave.

Y/n: "I'm ready, when do we leave?"

...

Aaron: "I-Baby I was kidding-"

Y/n: "Well I wasn't, I wanna stay with Mom"

Aaron: "...Well I'm not gonna shofer you there"

Y/n: "Fine, I'll go there myself" You declared as you went to make your dramatic exit, Aaron thought you were just pulling a stunt, you would drop the bag and aplogise, until he saw you turn the knob and begin to step out.

Aaron: "NOPE" He grabbed you by the back of your shirt and hoisted you up into the air and you flinged yourself around trying to get free.

Y/n: "PUT ME DOWN!!"

Aaron: "I did not fight for majority custody just for you to throw it back in my face!" He yelled as he plopped you back into your room shutting the door on you and keeping your packed bag, holding the door closed as you hit it with your tiny 10 year old fists.

Y/n: "LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT!"

Aaron: "You keep yellin your just staying in there longer!"

GIVE ME MORE SUGGESTIONS!!!

#yandere spiderverse #aaron davis x reader #uncle aaron #yandere morales family #dad aaron davis #platonic yandere #yandere miles morales #aaron davis #rio morales x reader #jeff morales #jefferson davis

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myceliumtoaster · 23 days

Text

This is my clay familiar! He cleanse, he protect, and most of all, he silly!!

A little insight into my practice and how I use figurines!

I made this froggy out of clay and colored him with posca markers a while back!! He's been my familiar for a bit now. He sits on my nightstand and I give him little offerings whenever I can. I never expected to love this guy as much as I do, I'm so happy how he came out!

Besides this little guy I have a tiny ceramic dinosaur I painted (one of those $5 kits from michael's, my inner child was so excited about this one), a mini wolf figure (as you can probably guess, this one's for my shadow), and a ceramic sea turtle my partner gave me! The turtle is to remind me to take things slow and steady, and he's adorable, I love the crap out of him. Besides the frog, everyone else sits on my altar and I work with them individually depending on what I'm focusing on atm.

I had a sinus infection recently so my froggo held onto my ludens, my asthma pump, and my advil cold & sinus. As I'm writing this I'm realizing the irony- frogs are typically associated with cleansing + detoxification, as well as healing. So he was the perfect guy to keep with me in hindsight.

When I'm not sick, my nightstand ritual looks more like this:

1) Weekly I rotate the crystals I keep on my bedside table. I put the old ones next to the big selenite wand on my altar to cleanse, and charge the new ones as I add them to the nightstand. Usually it's a smoky quartz wand and a small selenite tower that occupy the table, but recently I started adding more guys! I keep the smoky quartz for grounding and the selenite for cleansing.

2) Every month or so I cleanse my dream protection bag in the same way (just plopping it next to the selenite wand for a good while), and occasionally I change up the crystals inside but currently it's a bismuth + a moonstone wand in a lavender colored bag. The bismuth is for transformation and the moonstone is for psychic protection! I like to get signs + symbolism in my dreams, but also run the risk of bad nightmares, so this is a good fit for me :)

3) My melatonin gummies + antidepressants always sit right next to froggo! He protec the meds >:)

4) I almost always keep a tarot or oracle deck on the table as well. Currently it's the Hush Tarot. I only change up my tarot when I feel called to work with a different deck.

Anyways just wanted to share bc this has been a great way for me to connect with animals even though I can't afford having a pet currently! And little figurines just bring me so much joy + serotonin how could I not love them. Hope this helps someone else out there!!

Note:

I wanna say thanks to @childofthewolvess for asking about this!! Loki knew I needed an extra push shsjsbbs

#witchblr #cleansing #charging #protection #dream magic #deity work #offerings #familiar #helpol #passive cleansing #selenite

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starry-nights12 · 10 months

Text

Whenever Jinx fought the Firelights she didn't want to hurt Ekko. She especially didn't want to kill him.

Instead, she made a doll of him in his Firelight get-up. She would throw the doll, stomp on it, stab it, or even shoot it to let her anger and frustration out.

Now that they've reconciled and are friends again, she remade the Ekko doll.

His hair is made from thick, white wools of yarn. His hourglass symbol was etched onto a bullet casing for his dreadlock cuff.

She sewed brown buttons for his eyes. She painted his face paint and used a marker for his smile. She drew his symbol on his apron with two blue and pink hearts.

It sits on her bed and she likes snuggling with it at night while she goes to sleep. She also has some polaroids on her dresser where she drew hearts around him.

----

Rock music lightly played on her record player.

Jinx sat on her bed and leaned against the headboard and ate fruit chews. She held the doll up while she admires her handy work.

"You're so cute. It's nice to finally say that to you." Her finger twirled around its hair.

"Although, the real guy is better. His eyes are beautiful. You're just a mini version of him. A mini Ekko...little man..." She gasped softly. "A mini man!" She beamed and then giggled.

"He's really cool. He's so smart and nice to me." She simpered at the thought of her best friend.

"He's also pretty and dreamy and handsome. I want us to be boyfriend-girlfriend type of friends. But he's my friend-friend. So, I can't really tell him all this." She repeatedly tossed the doll in the air and caught it.

"Mylo keeps teasing me, Claggor and Vander hardly say anything," She stopped tossing the doll.

"Silco hates Ekko. He loves me but he thinks I'm wasting my time..." A frown appeared as she stared at her lap.

I made the right choice, right? Coming here. He asked me to stay. He wanted me to.

I was just tired of being alone. I just wanted a friend and I missed him a whole lot.

"Things can be different."

"We won't know if things can turn out better if we don't try,"

That's what he said. Everything's been going great so far. I want to believe him but-

She scoffed softly and shook her head. This wasn't about them now. She was having a little fun before her downer thoughts crept into her brain.

"Sorry about that," She smiled sheepishly. "But anyway, you're nice. You're like the regular Ekko only that you don't talk. Your likeness is almost the same but not quite,"

She cracked a grin and held its stubby arm. "For starters, I can't replicate those biceps. Regular Ekko is a total hunk. I mean,hubba hubba!" She giggled, tossing the toy in the air.

She nearly dropped it when she heard a knock. "Hey, Jinx. You got a minute?"

Ekko.

Her heart wanted to sprout wings and flutter out of her chest. It wanted to meet face-to-face with the person responsible for causing it to feel this way.

Even though it was perfectly fine, she smoothed her hand over her hair. She wanted to make it neat just in case.

"I got hours!" She called. "I gotta go, mini man. The real one is here." She whispered. She adjusted the orange scarf around its neck and then kissed its cheek.

She hid the doll in the closet and then hid the polaroids in her nightstand drawer. She scanned her room to double-check for any missed Ekko-related memorabilia.

If that bomb didn't kill her, the embarrassment of him ever finding out about these things will surely finish her off.

She curtly nodded to herself when everything was cleared then opened the door.

"Got hours?" He chuckled heartily. "I like that. That's really good."

"Hm. Well, when you hang around a loser who has a magic stopwatch and makes time puns then it starts to rub off on ya." She smirked.

UPDATE: Read on AO3!

#timebomb #ekkojinx #jinx #ekko #firelight jinx #arcane #my post #I forgot she made the Claggor doll so this idea popped into my head #All I can think about is the doll scene in Coraline and that music playing as Jinx sews the new Ekko doll #This ended so abruptly😭 Heimerdinger asked her if they wanted to(INSERT NERD THING HERE) with him and Ekko #And Jinx is like-“Uh...HELL YEAH I DO!!!”#This was so fun to write omg😭🥰❤️#my headcanons #my writing

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ionlymadethissoicouldleaveanask · 2 months

Note

Dialogue Prompt

4 - John & Cobalt-Team (pick your straight-man)

13 - Kelly & Fred

From these prompts - please, anyone feel free to throw me some more!

4 - "Could you not be a show-off while we're trying to stay alive!"

(Set in the Silver timeline)

Cobalt Team were among the highest-performing Spartan teams. They had been hardened into a cohesive unit since they were six years old, and it showed. Ice water ran through their veins. They were efficient, they were precise, and they were deadly. Unfortunately, even the best of the best had bad days.

This was a bad day.

They'd been scouting ahead for an extraction detail - yet another in a long list of embarrassingly meaningless tasks ever since Silver Team had dropped the ball and made the entire SPARTAN program a liability in the eyes of the Powers That Be. For this particular mission, Silver Team was even sent along. No one knew why not one but two Spartan fireteams had been assigned babysitting duty, but then... they weren't the type to question orders. They'd leave that to John and his band of misfit toys.

Cobalt had just split off to check a new NAV marker when they came under fire. It took only a matter of seconds for the grizzled soldiers to realize that they were well and truly surrounded - and in deep trouble to boot.

"Elite, nine o'clock," Cobalt's leader, Val-015 called out stoically. He put a three-round burst into the towering alien's center-mass. Its shields flared brightly, then cracked. Yaz-112 put a single round from her DMR through the creature's skull, its dark blue innards spraying outward in a fine mist.

Val shifted his aim. "Cobalt Three, half a dozen jackals creeping up the right flank."

"I see them, I see them!" Karim-002 barked. He distracted the vaguely avian creatures with a few burst from his battle rifle before lobbing an M9 fragmentation grenade over top of their shields. A second and a half later, their angry squawks were silenced permanently.

Cobalt were good at what they did. Quick. Efficient. Deadly.

As Val consulted the dozens of incoming enemy contacts on his motion tracker, it suddenly dawned on him that it wouldn't be enough.

"Where's Silver when you need them?" Karim asked no on in particular as he knocked down a trio of Grunts with a few well-placed shots. "John's always around to act like he's the be-all end-all of hardcore soldiers, but when you actually need him? Something better always-"

Whatever Cobalt Three had been about to say was lost in the violent report of a Condor's chin-gun. The dense foliage around the fireteam erupted into shrapnel and neon-colored plumes of blood as the UNSC dropship rose seemingly from nowhere and began to burn down the encroaching enemies.

The carpet-fire was enough to give Cobalt a brief reprieve - and then the Condor was spinning around, its gangplank hanging open and waiting to receive them. Karim groaned audibly when he recognized John-117 standing on the lowered ramp, one arm outstretched heroically.

"Come on!" the Spartans' squad leader bellowed, firing an M6 into the woods.

Cobalt scrambled onto the Condor, both Val and Yaz allowing the Chief to help them aboard. Karim stiffly refused the other Spartan's help, opting to fling himself into the hovering dropship under his own power.

Once the troop bay was sealed tight and they were headed back to their carrier, John made his way to Karim's side.

"Are you injured, Spartan?" he asked, his voice surprisingly gentle for the man who had become so synonymous with warcraft that the UNSC had all but painted him as their mascot.

"I'm fine," Karim snapped. Then he sighed heavily, staring at his boots. Finally he lifted his eyes to glare at John's visor. "Just... could you not be a show-off while the rest of us are trying to survive?"

John stared at him in silence, the small twitch of his head the only indication that Karim's annoyed request had any effect on him. "Sorry," he finally said, his tone heavy-laden. "I'll try not to in the future."

From the cockpit, Vannak-134 and Riz-028 laughed loudly.

13 - "I would rather be kissing you right now."

The UNSC Infinity was the greatest warship the UNSC had ever constructed. She was sleek, she was fast, and she was just as powerful as the most impressive weaponry the Covenant had ever managed to bring to bear.

Not the least impressive attribute of the Infinity was her Spartan Deck. S-Deck, as it was known by the ship's crew, was stocked with enough Brokkr System machines and training materials to keep an entire company of Spartans happy... and Blue Team was certainly taking advantage of that.

Kelly-087 in particular was enjoying herself immensely. With the Infinity's 'War Games' simulator, the fastest of all Spartans had finally found herself a worthy challenger: a training relay that combined all of the thrill of a life-and-death combat scenario with all of the competitive triumph of being able to run simulations over and over again until her need for perfection was finally satisfied.

"This is incredible," Kelly said excitedly between rounds. Blue Team had just sent Fireteam Boxer to the showers, thoroughly humiliated with their poor showing against the veteran Spartans. Next up on the chopping block was Grindstone. She couldn't wait to rub the upstarts' faces in her own squad's superiority.

"I couldn't imagine a better way to spend our day," she continued, jabbering excitedly. "Teaching these kids how real Spartans operate, only to line them up and knock them back down the very next day."

Although Blue Team held immense respect for the Spartan-IVs, it was undeniable that they all got a very real sense of satisfaction from knocking down the younger generation down a few pegs from time to time. While John and Linda smirked and nodded their concurrence, Kelly noticed that Fred merely cocked his head to one side curiously, and said nothing.

Curious herself, the Spartan leaned closer to the man. "Something wrong?" she asked quietly enough that only he could hear, studying his expression. They were close - close enough for her to feel the heat radiating off his unhelmeted head and to count the flecks of blue pockmarking the green of his eyes. Close enough that she could smell his breath, still minty from his toothpaste, and could see each tick and shift in his familiar face.

Fred glanced over at her and grinned, dimples forming small valleys in his cheeks. "Not a thing, Rabbit," he said with a twinkle in his eye that he seemed to reserve only for her, in moments like these when no one else would notice. "I was just thinking that there's at least one thing I could be persuaded to do instead of this."

Kelly shot back a grin of her own, raising her eyebrows in surprise. "And what might that be, LT?" she prodded.

"Nothing too important," Fred answered, his smile slowly transitioning into a smirk. "But I'd rather be kissing you right now."

With that, the Spartan slid his helmet back into place. "Time's up," he called out, turning his back on Kelly and slinging an MA5D over his shoulder. "Grindstone's waiting for us to show them up yet again... I'd hate to disappoint."

Kelly watched him confidently march away, her jaw dropping open ever-so-slightly in shock. Then, mustering all of her will-power, she closed her mouth with a click of her teeth and resolved to focus on the upcoming simulation. It wouldn't do her any favors to waltz in unprepared. But, she promised herself, she was definitely going to take Fred up on that offer.

Sooner than later.

#halo #john 117 #val 015 #yaz 112 #karim 002 #linda 058 #kelly 087 #fred 104 #fred 104 x kelly 087 #halo fanfic #my writing #prompt game

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idotartist · 10 months

Note

I love the way you draw fire though! and your colouring is beautiful, I was wondering if there are any tips you could give for colouring?

OMG THANK YOU SO SO MUCH!!! ;A; i'm still figuring out how drawing fire works tho and the feedback i got was super helpfull and got me a step closer to it i think!! during my last 2 drawings i've always had some super helpful feedback about the fire so i feel really blessed about that~ as for the colouring tips, well these are some of the tricks and methods i use;

1- instead of using a darker colour for the shading i just use a more saturated colour, kinda like this;

the added saturation makes the colour appear darker when in reality it's not! think about it like colouring traditionally with colour pencils. when you use a colour pencil the places where you added a lot of pressure look much darker than the places where you added only very little pressure - despite it being one and the same colour! done with the same pencil! the reason it appears darker is because it simply just has more pigment. that's what we're doing here too, we're making the color appear darker by adding more pigment.

BUT

if we just simply stick with the exact same hue then the colouring would look bright and vivid - but still be horribly boring. so i play around with the hue too!!

the circle determines the hue you're selecting and the colors you see there are all at 0% darkness but 100% saturation despite them, technically, being equally light/dark according to the software they still look differently dark rotate the hue in the direction of blue/purple for the shadows and in the direction for yellow to select the colours for the highlights

blue, purple and red are the best colours to shade white with, for black however it'd stick to blue or else it stops looking like black and starts looking like a very dark colour instead

2- give each colour it's own layer.

that way, if you notice halfway through that the colours you've chosen don't look so good together you can still make adjustements and edit every single colour without losing any of the progress you've done with the shading (note: do all of the shading on the same!!! layer as the base colour tho!!!)

many artists solve this issue by using predetermined colour palettes, that way they're guaranteed that the colours look good toghether but colour palettes save absolutely no time at all (adjusting the colours of a layer takes only a few seconds) and are extremely limiting when colouring so i just don't see any benefit to them

3- USE THE RIGHT BRUSH!!!! your choice of brushes can honestly make or break the colouring. the impact they have should not be underestimated, it's huge. which brush is best for you depends on your artstyle but personally i think brushes that simulate either watercolours or copic markers are the best ones.

if you use a software where it's possible to use custom brushes made by fellow artists then PLEASE do that. most art software comes with awful default brushes, and even for those that come with decent default brushes (such as photoshop) most free custom brushes made by fellow artists are still so much better than the default brushes that they're worlds apart Clip Studio Paint (the software i use) has an assets "store" where you can download brushes made by fellow users. for other art software i'd recommend checking out deviantart for user made custom brushes if it's a software that existed before the downfall of deviantart. it's a huge goldmine filled with insanely amazing brushes for many different types of software. personally i use a brush called froggy pencil for the colouring 4- add overlay layers to your art after finishing with the colouring. they can make a drawing really come to live and it's insane just HOW much they add to a drawing. usually i always either use a gradient, a solid colour or a soft airbrushed colour on the overlays and let them do their magic.

to show just how much of a difference overlay layers make; here's a comparision between my most recent drawing - and a version of the same drawing where i removed all overlay layers. see the difference?

...soo uhhh ... that's all the tips and tricks i have up my sleeve lol hope it helped a bit?

#ask #tutorial #tutorials #art tutorial #art tips

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kygerbearr · 9 months

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getting into high-end ff14 content made me realize 2 things.

1). many people who have particular responsibilities have NO business with them

2). apparently i'm a fucking genius when it comes to shit because i can watch a short guide and understand what to do while everyone else apparently needs several days worth of catch up to do one of the most basic be-here-then-go-here shit on the planet. i have never been more frustrated with humanity. i am so tired. everyone i meet is either someone who takes thing too seriously and has zero skills to back it up or there's people with a wife and kids and a 9 to 5 job and a mortgage who come home from work and are somehow fine with doing MORE work dealing with people who dont know their fucking job and everyone is managed by someone who's an absolute pushover and still expects to be the "leader"

like i don't consider myself very smart. everything in this game appears to be very easy, i don't struggle with any of it, i don't understand how all of these seemingly normal people can struggle so hard with mechanics that have been reused over and over with a new coat of paint, and I feel guilty even suggesting its easy because of how hard everyone makes it out to be

do not believe anyone when they say ff14 is hard. it isn't. it's one of the easiest games i've ever played, i have never felt personally challenged by something in it and the only difficulty i'm having is being around dipshits who somehow don't understand how something works. i feel like i'm in a classroom full of people who showed up to the exam without studying anything and it's like they expect a clear just for showing up. buddy, this fight has so much personal responsibility that if you don't figure your shit out, the WHOLE CLASS fails, and you can't move on until you pass.

and i KNOW its easy because I made my OWN group out of frustration and we cleared THE FIRST DAY WE STARTED RAIDING. the VERY FIRST DAY. I have been with this other group for MONTHS.

this group cannot handle clockwise and counterclockwise somehow. there are markers on the floor arranged in a clock. it got to the point where I had to suggest that people look for a particular number and rotate towards it, and somehow, everyone STILL messed it up.

not only that, but in this group, any time I try to express something that goes against their ideology either the leader gets on my case or one of the members gets on my ass. just the other day I had this fucking asshole who was running shield healer who WASNT APPLYING SHIELDS?? during PROG??? and when I said "hey can we get shields" he was like "no we're good" we were dying. bodies on the floor right in front of him.

so I asked why. his argument? we cant have shields. it would mess up his gcds. I have CLEARED THIS FIGHT ALREADY, AND WITH SHIELD HEALER. so I know we can have shield for Every raidwide. and when I tried to explain how, he got angry and was like "no the fuck we cant and i will NOT have someone micromanaging my gcds" buddy my friend is dead on the floor right there and it's your fault

we proceeded to not hear from him the following week. essentially no-call-no-show but for a videogame and not a real job. whatever, not my problem. just meant I could be shield healer. and that day went super well! we had prog. i was healing. we didn't die outside of people failing their personal responsibilities.

i mean it when I say I genuinely don't enjoy the game anymore. I'm so exhausted from dealing with people who don't give a shit and aren't trying hard enough, are too stubborn to do anything different and hate it whenever I do anything whatsoever that goes against their agenda. it's not a team at all, it's a fake ass leader who can't lead with followers who are so fucking mindless braindead that they think they can mindlessly follow this failure of a leader into a clear for a fight they've been stuck on for THREE MONTHS STRAIGHT.

it takes up so much time out of my week (3 hours on both monday and tuesday so back to back, very exhausting, reminder i dont like these people because they treat me like shit and simultaneously I'm the only person who cares about what we're doing) and there were times where I legitimately would've preferred working (which i cant do while playing this game) and man I hope they get rid of me because my martyr complex keeps me from leaving them until we clear the fight

don't play final fantasy 14 it's not fun it's not worth it and if you do then dont talk to anyone. i legit only have fun when its with my friends and I have yet to meet a person on 14 I could make any sort of meaningful connection with. they're all so normal feeling, they're always like 5 years older than me and it freaks me out, I don't fit in, I don't belong there, and I don't want to stick around in a place I don't feel I belong in. the ONLY good thing about the game is that I can play as a big kitty cat

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x-heesy · 11 months

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IΠTΩMΨSΩUL:

Schizogenie -19 - Beautiful child

Seriously, sometimes I doubt myself

And by that I mean the lonely moments in life that show you what matters.

It's not fictitious what flows out of the pen

Is a glimpse into my deep

Very intimate and affects me.

Olliver Otubanjo, 1977, a wonderful childhood,

Pacifier, key, marker.

When I tipped my first mushroom I was 14,

At 17, I'm the kid that smokes crazy spliffs at Dorian Gray(?) and then eats trips.

It's not poison when you're a child, disguise terms like run down,

That you actually feel emotionally blind.

The main thing is good stuff, cheers for young culture and joints, why only have a good friend,

dream for a hundred thousand minutes

What's the point of going on vacation, only coca flowers and trees, why the fences,

Lay down in the sun of youth today.

In the meantime everything was different, I was in my early 20s and demanded

That life begins so slowly

As I said, everything is different, I wanted to be an adult, but never like adults.

I realized that I was far from being a man.

I never wanted to have an apprenticeship in the bank

But I never wanted this apprenticeship that came later, I wanted to hit a wall.

Everything I touch turns pale.

I didn't have any more colors, I've long since given up on my canned green and red.

Where's that damn sandy beach I've stood on for so long

He-Man, Playmobil, Extasy, in grams of hemp.

I was looking for fulfillment, I was looking for the way

The litargy of my eyes reduces the truth on the bosom and buttocks.

Whether it was my father from whom I got this damage

Who was never there on the first day of school or always cycling.

It's amazing when you have a father

But I don't have it, except 1000 questions makes me a tough man on the outside.

But inside I'm nagging, does he like me?

I can't help but call Africa, England and the States.

I love my mother more than anything, but when I see single mothers,

I know that I'm missing a protector.

Why are so many Afro-German kids alone?

Perhaps the discrepancy in values is the marriage black and white mixed,

I don't know it.

What I know I'll find a solution.

Fight me through the jungle of drugs and manhood, a beautiful child.

[chorus 2x]

You will find a solution, you are not alone.

You are a beautiful child, no you are not alone.

I live my life between breasts and pray, fuck and blaspheme

Lip service, crutches and skulls, loopholes in rules,

who meet me when I stoop, when I seek treacherous paths,

Avoiding my own lie

It's a jungle, boy. I'm a jungle boy

In search of the way out of the darkness of the colorful ball.

We only have one world, we only have one life

I love jesus christ we have his blessing.

I am a beautiful child, you are a beautiful child.

I believe in the good even when I find too much in the bad.

We are a product of the environment. we are just human

Crown of creation, only we decide where the painting hangs.

I was a blank sheet after embossing "son".

It's about being, no one is anything.

I know very well that I will find my solution.

You are worth something, you are a beautiful child.

[chorus 2x]

You will find a solution, you are not alone.

You are a beautiful child, no you are not alone. @bko69er

Schönes Kind by Olli Banjo

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krizariel · 11 months

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5 QUESTIONS, 15 (or whatever).

Got tagged by @disastrixx

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYBODY?

My dad and my mom

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?

probably two weeks ago. The TOTK donkey video made me cry out of laughter I was in literal tears for at least 5 minutes could not stop it. Out of sadness, legitimately crying, I don't remember exactly but probably earlier this year.

3. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?

This is somewhat a sore topic for me, but short answer: no, and don't plan to (or at least I don't plan to bake one myself).

4. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?

Yeah and I always accompany it with -> (?) the number of question marks is the level of sarcasm.

5. WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY/HAVE YOU PLAYED?

Swimming

6. WHAT'S THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT SOMEONE?

Hm... ok this is hard lol probably their clothes? but probably not as much... I mostly notice the way their talk.

7. EYE COLOUR?

dark brown

8. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?

Happy ending but preferably with a lot of angst/drama/complications. I want to enjoy that happy ending.

9. ANY SPECIAL TALENTS?

Nothing special...or that I'd call special?...

10. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?

Hospital

11. WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES?

Digital Art/Traditional (with markers), video games, reading, cooking, sometimes baking and recently got into 3D printing because I like to paint those figures (my spouse dragged me down that hole)

12. DO YOU HAVE PETS?

A dog named Shiva, 2 cats (Darius and Sora) and a rabbit (Bunbun)

13. HOW TALL ARE YOU?

5'6" (high five Angstrix :p)

14. FAVOURITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL?

Tbh I dont think I had a favorite subject... it always was just the one that I'd be doing well at haha so it would change year over year haha. Usually would depend on the instructor. I remember literature was fun mainly because of our instructor and he was super fun and sarcastic too, but I'm not particularly into literature. I can say with certainty though my favorite course in college was civil law. Always did my best on that one and wanted to do my best to impress my professor haha. There were 11 Civil Law courses (from Civil I to XI) and I'd always take it with the instructor that had the reputation to be the hard to pass but was known to be really good. It was some sort of stupid pride along with self-torture :D.

15. DREAM JOB?

A job that sends me travelling around and keeps me well fed and comfortable. I guess I don't have a particular dream job as I only see it as a means to maintain a balance between my responsibilities and my hobbies. I don't ever want to make mix money with my hobbies.

Tagging @roppiepop @5tellarparallax @theangelmojo @cummandercold (though feel free to ignore)

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lucylyall · 1 year

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New Tax Year Resolutions

(no, it's not an April Fools thing)

I've always had strong opinions about how January 1st is a really stupid time to make resolutions. Especially in Britain. It's freezing. It's dark by 4pm. You've only just made it through Christmas, and you feel exhausted and kinda depressed. You've probably got a cold. All you want to do is hide under a blanket until Spring arrives.

I also know that a new tax year is ... not something to get excited about. Buuuut it is genuinely feels like a good time for a new start - the days are getting longer, things are growing and changing every day, you've probably still got a cold but somehow you don't feel so annoyed about it.

So, I've decided it's time to get some focus. And I'm writing it down here as a post, because saying things in public makes me significantly more likely to actually do them.

I had a lot of fun over the past three months just doing whatever I wanted, when I wanted, but I've got a bit frustrated with flip-flopping all over the place. I'll sit down to, say, draw a picture of a person, and my brain will instantly start whirring around all the things involved which I want to practice, and the list is ... extensive:

Heads - facial features, muscles, the skull, expressions, different types and shapes of heads.

Hair - styles, hair types, shading, stylisation.

Anatomy - basic proportion, different body shapes / types.

Posing - fluid movement, active rather than static poses, camera angles.

Clothing - folds, how clothes hang on the body, fabrics, styles.

Colouring - colour theory, palette choice.

Shading - shadow placement, types of shading, spot blacks.

Medium - digital painting? Markers? Pencils? Inks? Watercolours?? Gouche??? When are you going to try gouche, huh, huh????

Backgrounds - just ... just so much stuff my head hurts aaaaaa

... and that's just drawing a person, something I've done thousands of times over the years in the course of making comics - it's not even getting into any of the other art areas I'm interested in. I'll sit down and I'll have so many things I want to learn and try, that I won't be able to concentrate on anything properly and I'll feel slightly hysterical.

SO.

I want to start focusing on one thing at a time. Maybe just for a week or so on each thing to start with? I don't want to trap myself too much. I'm going to start with learning about heads, because I've had that one goddamn Andrew Loomis book on my desk for two months at this point, and I really should get it back to the library.

It's my ... my ... okay, I'm gonna call it my Spring Resolution, because New Tax Year Resolution does sound a bit rubbish.

Wish me luck! .... And if you've got any good resources on learning about head structure, then drop them in the comments!

#resolutions #art practice #4ls misc

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bradenthompson · 2 years

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I Gouf'd It or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Chrome Marker (Part 2)

oops, posting part 2 kinda got away from me. But here we are, and the MG Gouf 2.0 has been finished to my own level of satisfaction (barring a second topcoat I may or may not do)

I noticed part 1 doesn't really attempt to "review" the kit, only because it's so old and plenty of reviews exist already, but I'll give my opinion all the same. Bit of a copout verdict here, stop me if you've heard this: "it's great if you're into this sort of thing." Nah but really, I do ultimately like it with a few caveats. For one thing, I think the presence of a real inner frame makes it instantly a better kit than the older and arguably more dated Mg Gouf Custom. Even if you prefer the look of the custom, it's hard to argue that specific kit is better built than this one. Build-wise, it felt very familiar to the Zaku ii I've already done, and that's because the inner frames are near-identical. But it's different enough that the build never feels painfully redundant.

Panel Lining/Decals

Panel lining on Zeon suits is a Less Is More type deal for me. With a few exceptions like the Geloog, I think the dumpy, massive surface level armor plates are what sell the Zeon suit designs. It makes sense in the way nonexistent giant robot armor makes sense; these are mass produced and aren't gonna have infinite complexities to them as a result. They're armored in the way this type of thing would be armored, what panel lines do exist sell how such a thing would be maintained and repaired, [third point to distract from the fact I don't know how to scribe goes here].

You'll notice in the finger vulcan more than anywhere else, my workaround for this is in the specific points where armor tapers into an edge. I elected to highlight these in black, using an acrylic paint marker I had lying around. Also noticeable in the shoulders and behind the knee.

I have another technique when it comes to decals, and I call it "using all of them." In most cases, I do exactly this but here I only use about 90% of what's assigned. idk bro, I think it works on Zeon suits like nothing else. I'm even proud of my dry transfer work, of which this kit has a few in places similar to the MG Zaku ii. Corporal ranking badges go on both shoulders, but I opted for only one. I do like me some asymmetry where it's tasteful.

Take note of the decal on the left shoulder, where I fucked up the transfer and there's a section cut short, and see that Gouf is clearly self-conscious about it. Sorry, little man, that one's on me.

You gotta take the good with the bad. And oh hey speaking of bad, this is the type of kit where a lot of joints crapped out on me. The right knee is loose, the left elbow is oddly tight, the left shoulder can't hold the shield at any angle over 45 degrees, the right thumb broke off entirely and, most frustratingly of all, a piece in the head broke off to the point of the head and neck no longer fitting tightly together. Some topcoating alleviated this somewhat but still, at the right angle or with the right unintentional finger push, the head's coming off. At a resting position this isn't an issue, and will not be for most of this guy's life as a model, not an action figure, but it bothers me all the same.

Topcoat Finale

I do the best poses, as you can clearly see.

The chrome joints lost a lot of their luster in the topcoat, which I'm fine with. With a matte finish, I think it looks just lovely. I still may go back and do a second coat, but as it stands I'm very happy with my work. No weathering this time around, I wanted to sell the "New and Improved" factor when posed next to my Zaku, which you'll note I have already gotten to doing.

Looks like that's it for the Gouf. Part of me wants the new Dom kit, but I don't yet know what angle I want to go at that one with. Maybe custom decals? I'll figure it out. Or do a kit from something else, even though my heart belongs to classic Universal Century. And my soul belongs to the monoeye.

ביז מיר טרעפן זיך ווידער ! ! !

#gunpla #mobile suit gundam #universal century #principality of zeon #gouf #modelkit #hobbymodel #gundam #this is no zaku boy #but my friend is zaku boy

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dzpenumbra · 1 year

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3/12/23

How to sum up today. Hmm...

I did yoga. I signed up for the community car service, it's going to take a few days for them to approve my application, but it's set up. I got showered and then... I went out and skated. For about half an hour, maybe a bit longer. I went about 2.5 miles. My first time riding my board.

I had a really good time. I wasn't even really that self-conscious. My only difficult moments were... encountering a yelling homeless person and turning around... passing by a guy with a dog at a busy intersection and the dog was jumping around and excited, and I tried to say hi and... the dude seemed a little upset or bothered or flustered or something... and I guess getting stuck behind a group of people for a little bit but that wasn't really a big deal, I just practiced going slow. It was fun. The awkwardness didn't really stick, I just brushed it off. I could see myself doing that every day. There's a gas station up by the highway onramp that I could see myself regularly riding to if I want to pick up impulse buy stuff like ice cream or energy drinks or emergency snacks or whatever. It opens a lot of options for me to get the fuck out of the house, which is awesome. And it can handle the hills surprisingly well. Like... that puppy's got some fuckin legs on her. I got legit speed wobbles today and I didn't even come close to testing the full speed at all. That thing can go like 27 mph, I have no desire to come close to testing that.

So I had a blast doing that. I get home and I clean my board off - it had all kinds of mud and sand all over it from the roads. Then I hopped on my computer and started shopping for opaque fabric pens. I have been meaning to for a while and I just dove right in. Getting the check for my car just really opened up that door for me. I feel less bad about spending like 30 bucks on materials I need for my fucking job. And I just wanted something permanent and opaque to make my hoodie pop. Having opaque paint pens that are specifically designed for fabric should hopefully remedy this limitation I've had for 6 fucking months.

And as I was getting ready to put the markers in the digital cart... my mom called. And I caught her up on my art stuff. And then she brought up wanting to connect with the furniture store she went to, to get me some tables. The thing we had like 10 fucking fights about. And she said she would contact them and see if they would send her the furniture in pieces, then send them up to me. And it upset me. It felt... uninvolved. It felt like... like I could do that in 5 minutes. Like I could call them and say "hey, could you just send me unassembled tables and just ship them to my address." Like it's not even really saving me a step. And how I have so many avenues in my life that I need help with, and this is the kind of help I get. It feels like bare minimum. And it set off a chain reaction in my brain that was very difficult to contain. A lot of frustrations and pains. And I tried very hard to focus on the source. And just express how I really wish there was more involvement. I really wish I was getting more support. We have been going over furniture since fucking OCTOBER. It's mid-March. And, so far, the only furniture help has been paying for a desk and chair as I was in the process of moving in December, then footing the bill for the comfy chair in January. And the bookcase a few weeks ago. And it just. I swear, my lease is going to run out before I fucking move in here. And it just hit some really bad buttons for me. Specifically... being at the bottom of the priority list. Having to fucking wait. It's not even that she's unwilling to pay for stuff, or unwilling to help me. She will not make the time for it, it's like she keeps forgetting or something. But she has plenty of time for a 4+ hour finger-pointing session. When I'm supposed to be streaming. And eating dinner.

And I fucking stayed. I stayed. Like a complete fucking moron. I had no goddamn reason to stay. And I wasn't even that upset! I was just pissed that like... even the hint that we have some semblance of a normal family and she treats me like what I'm hoping for, what I ask for, is like... un-fucking-reasonable. Like... how dare I expect her to even consider coming up and visiting two of her sons and her grandson. How dare I expect her to like... care about why I feel the way I do. Care about why I'm upset.

Just to be crystal clear why I'm upset? Because the hours of gaslighting are making me feel like I'm the asshole here, and I feel I deserve a bit of peace with that. The furniture she was going to follow up on, that is at a store less than 5 minutes away from her house... The last time we talked about that? February 20th. A week shy of a month ago. The plants that I want to put on these tables? Indoor grow kits gifted to me by my older brother for Christmas. In December. They've been sitting on the fucking floor in boxes this whole time.

I swear to God. All. I. Do. Is. Wait. And that was a phrase that... floated around my life for a while. I have no idea if I encountered it, or if I came up with it, but it hit me hard.

"Hell is waiting."

I can sit in a marsh and let mosquitos feast on my blood and not flinch. I can walk barefoot on any terrain - dirt, grass, gravel, asphalt, raw stone. I can eat carolina reaper chocolate pretzels. All of that is fucking child's play compared to watching your life tick away in solitude while you wait for someone to make time for you.

My former "best friend"... when I finally reconnected with her after she... escorted herself off the phone at 2AM when I was going through an emotional traumatic crisis... because she had work the next morning... She, I guess unsurprisingly in hindsight... said she would "love to hang out soon" and tried to pencil me in the next month.

I think a good goal for me moving forward... would be to stop making time and room in my life for people who don't have time or room for me. Fuck. That. I deserve better. Really. And I guess if I don't enforce that I deserve better, then shitty people will decide how much I'm worth.

See... that came out again. That bullshit line - "you're not creating enough value for other people". YOU DO NOT VALUE ME. I am unvalued. Say it like it is. I am smart. I am talented, in a lot of ways. I am virtuous. I am ethical. I work really, really fucking hard, for absolutely nothing. I am honest. I have integrity. I do my very best to be accountable and reliable. I don't cheat. I don't steal. I don't lie. I don't betray. I don't sneak. I love with all my heart. I try as hard as I feel I can. And that's not valuable enough? That's not worth valuing?

I am not appreciated. I am no prodigy. I am no savant. I have plenty of flaws. I have deep scars. I have major shortcomings. And I am working on them gradually, at advisement of my council. And my progress has been vast. And again, I just get treated like... like a chore. Like I'm the trash that needs to be taken out to the street and "god, who's gonna buy this guy a table for his plants this time."

It clearly hit a nerve. A big one. See how much just came pouring out of me just going over this. And instead of being supportive, and listening, and apologizing for it taking so long, and saying "things have been really hectic, but I want to support you with this and I'm sorry you've had to wait so long. Let's make a concrete time right now." Instead of that... she defends herself. And points the finger at me. That my reaction, my frustration, my anger, my upset... that is the mistake. That is the error. That doesn't belong, and needs to be fixed. And to top it off. She should be thanked. I should be grateful.

And the worst part, I do see from her perspective that she brings up the topic of wanting to help with the tables and then suddenly I'm upset. It's... incongruent. It's because my brain is 28 miles away from that within a nanosecond. And I explain it as clearly as I can while trying to manage the emotion and keep it focused and contained. And she just... doesn't fucking listen.

My ex used to do the same thing. It was horrible. And it makes me flashback every time. That feeling of being misunderstood and flipped out on because I'm... voicing a concern. I'm bringing a critical example to the table and they just... lose their shit. They can't find the value in critique, they see it as a personal attack, and then they "return fire"... which is... the first actual shot fired...

If this sounds familiar? I'm really sorry. And not all interactions are this way. Growing up in an environment like the one I did, I didn't learn that until my mid-30's.

I've wasted enough of my energy on this. I have a pretty deep understanding of it now. It started with a mix of trauma and neglect responses. It started an emotional chain reaction, through associations, the way others have treated me, the fact that no one really seems to care whether I live or die right now. Even the people who come to my stream of their own free will barely chat at all and ignore questions asked specifically of them, likely because they're not even paying attention. Free viewers, by the way, they're not paying attention to free entertainment. The opulence of the elite in Ancient Rome had nothing on the middle class of modern America. It's fucking ridiculous. And I had to try to contain these emotions, this chain reaction... internally... alone... with someone who felt threated by my reaction actively pointing their defense systems directly at me. And again... in a moment where I needed kindness, sympathy, compassion, understanding, support... I get a proverbial fucking gun pointed in my face. "In self-defense."

Next time. I have to leave. Even if it means being alone, even if it means pissing her off more. And here's why.

When I went skating today, I skated past the board game cafe place. It looks really cool, actually, I'm really interested in dropping by. I wish I had, honestly. And... here's the crazy part, get ready for it. They're doing a singles mixer... tomorrow. From 1-5PM. And I read that... after over 4 hours of getting the emotional shit beat out of me, being convinced that I am to blame for all of that, treated like a monster. "Jekyll and Hyde" is what my ex used to call me. And my instant reaction is... "I can't go to that thing." Immediate.

I guarantee if that fight didn't happen today, I wouldn't hesitate to go tomorrow. Assuming I can like... get my day started and get out the door before 5. Ugh. Especially with Daylight Savings and all that. But for real. First thought through my head - "it's probably going to be younger people". Second - "I'm just going to sit in a corner or something, am I really ready for this?" Third - "I'm going to upset someone." It goes there really quickly. "I'm going to offend someone", "someone is going to be creeped out or feel uncomfortable because of me", "I'm going to be the odd one out", "I don't belong there." Shit like that. It happens so quickly. It's like wildfire.

And the worst part? I'm the only one fighting that fire. Just me and my therapist, who chats with me for 45 minutes every Wednesday evening. That's it. So it's just me... and myself... in an eternal conflict.

And when you have to choose between you and yourself... it can just get confusing. You can get to a point where you just... don't remember which one is right. You know? Like... I act as though the one saying "you're a nice talented attractive man and any woman would be lucky to have you, and any person would be lucky to have you as a friend" is the correct one... and yet... the one saying "you hurt people around you and you scare people, and it is really in the public's best interest if you avoid them" has all the fucking evidence. That motherfucker has all the evidence. So... I can doubt him. I can push back. I can say "fuck you, I'm a good person, I have a big heart, I just have a lot of feelings and lots of people have hurt and taken advantage of me." And all he has to do is point at the piles of evidence, the broken relationships, the countless fights, the empty friend roster, the phone calls and texts stopped coming in like... 3 years ago. He doesn't even need to talk half the time. He just needs to motion towards the evidence and just... shrug. "What? You think it's everyone else? Ha!"

So yeah. I wish I had the run-of-the-mill social anxiety that I've encountered in others throughout the years. I wish it was just overpowering nervousness before a date or a job interview - "what if I stumble and look stupid? What if they don't give me the job? What if he doesn't like me?" And I'm here with my inner fucking demon showing me a Pepe Silvia diagram of how literally every close friend and family member in my life left on bad terms and explosively, and plenty of newspaper-clipping-quotes from those people on how it is clearly my fault, and... how could I possibly think I wouldn't hurt the next person? Would it really be... ethical to introduce myself? Wouldn't I be... protecting them if I just... didn't go?

I can throw myself down a 6-stair-stairset and land on a piece of smooth PVC and wood and ride away. I can move, alone, to a city where I know no one. I can hike a major thru-hiking trail, alone, barefoot, with an old army surplus rucksack that weighs almost as much as I do with no back support, for 3 days. I can fly alone to a convention in Vegas without booking a hotel room, just all-in that someone there will let me crash with them. And now? Now? Now I can't go to a board game cafe social mixer because I'm afraid that I emit some kind of AOE curse that will ruin the entire event or even severely hurt someone if they happen to be foolish enough to try to get to know me. What the fuck happened.

Trauma.

It's times like these that I really, really, really wish I had... I really hate saying this, I don't even want to type it because of how fucking close this shit came to fucking killing me because I had to detox off of it unsupervised several times. ... I wish I had benzos. I wish I had Xanax. I wish I had Ativan. I wish I had a quick as-needed chill-pill to just... make that asshole shut the fuck up and let me sink into the back seat a bit, get comfy and then just... go. Just go to the event and see how it plays out.

I don't have weed - it makes me freak out and I just... emotionally... don't feel like it's worth the risk. I don't have alcohol - I get really bad heartburn, which makes me not sleep... which fucks everything else in my life up. I don't have cigarettes anymore - least side effects, ironically, but... Covid... yeah... I have zero ways of making this easier. I don't have social reassurance! I don't have a friend to fucking pep-talk me and just go "look dude, you're great, you really are! You've just had some pretty shitty, hurt people in your life, and that wasn't fair to you. You're not going to hurt anyone by just going, you're the one who is hurting! Go have fun! You've earned it!" I have... yoga in the mornings. I have... meditation - which I am very new at and... just... I don't know, I feel ignorant criticizing it.

I don't know what to do. And now it's 5AM due to Daylight Savings. So... yeah. I guess I'll just... figure it out tomorrow. Wing it. Fuck it.

-_-

Desperate need of good vibes right now. Um... okay... I mean, the board is all the good vibes I need. Riding that thing, I didn't give a shit if I looked dumb. I didn't care if I was being stared at. I was only minorly worried about being ticketed by the police for riding an electric skateboard on a sidewalk with no people on it. I was just... cruising. And carving. And listening to music (David Maxim Micic - Bilo IV, my snowskate anthem this winter). And I really enjoyed it. And I plan to do it every day that I can from now on. When it warms up, I'd like to make it a thing to skate over to the lake with a sketchbook and do some sketches or something. Be outside. Do some art. Like the old days, back when things were simple. Before this social media garbage. Before... all of this... It's something to aspire to.

#diary #journal #online journal #stream of consciousness #stream of thoughts

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