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badgyalshii · 3 months

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ITS NEVER OVER | II

Paul Atreides x Reader (always safe for POCS+ Plus size)

2.6k word count

warnings! idk really you tell me lmao. just sad really, flashbacks, etc. proofread, uhhh most of it.

A/N: im so happy i got the results that I did in the first part, im thinking of starting a taglist for this series maybe so just send me an ask saying you wanna be in there and i gotchuuuu! thank you to everyone who reads my stories, i was supposed to post this yesterday but i was pretty busy. i am overall happy with how this series is going! i was gonna leave it simple and end it here, but honestly i feel like i could keep going with this, love you guysss!😘

Access Part I here. I . II . III . IV .

¨its just protocol¨ ¨it wasnt necessary, i watched. Ive watched you, standing behind you. Who are you, paul?¨

¨y/n? Helloooo, y/n¨ chani waved her hand in your face as the memory slowly faded and you came back to your vision and seeing chani infront of you. You both laid on the small bed, hot when the sun was up or down. Chani wanted more, she swore she did. When she wasnt talking to you she was searching for something to make this ¨house¨ feel comforting, like a home. You closed your eyes as the flashback completely faded in your head. You both were laying down, she was across from you with a worried look on her face as you blinked. ¨yes chani?¨ ¨are you prepared?¨ she asked. You struggled to remember what she was talking about, and her concerned look never left her face. ¨To leave¨ chani whispers gently. She knew you still had feelings for paul, and she couldnt fight to win you over in your constant mental battle. You never felt like this before. Wanting only one person- no, needing them. Under your eyes grew heavier and heavier. Days grew longer and you hardly slept and when you did it was of paul, had you have no life of your own? Have you grown depressed? You sighed, stood and you dressed, taking a deep breath in as you pulled up your pants and grabbed your mask.

Its been 6 years, 6 years on arrakis with chani, and you never forgot. You never forgot the life that you used to have, the life you missed so deprately, and you never came to terms with your new life, even if it was with chani. You missed stilgar, you missed everyone, grouped together, eating, small laughs between you and your friends, paul picking at your plate whenever you didnt really feel like finishing your food. You loved chani, you love her, youve became closer and closer like sisters. She taught you her own individual skills that shes learned along the way, but you guys barely talked. Her company was comforting, but all you really thought about was paul, and his new marriage, and his new wife. Was it just…..protocol? You could tell when you spoke to chani that she was extremely uninterested in the topic of paul, but thats all you ever thought about.

You found another place in arrakis, it took about 6 sandworms to get to your destination and you lived in once again, another large rock. You and chani hunted for water and when you found it you both started to make another ¨tent¨ in the rock to live at for a while. You both sat down and ate.

¨whats on your mind?¨ chani asked worryingly, she worried, she worried so often. She only wanted whats best for you and it hurt to see you this way but she covered it with her toughness. ¨paul. Maybe he was right-¨ ¨y/n, it has been six years since then. Please-¨

¨maybe… i should go¨ you thickly swallowed, looking at your hands before you looked back up at her. Her jaw was clenched before she released it, she has an irritated look on her face before she released her eyebrows. ¨im coming with you”

As you got dressed to go back to him, you thought of him. Maybe it was because of the way he laughed so softly against your lips that made you miss him. Maybe its because of how his warm and rough fingers softly grazed your face and on your body sending butterflies in your stomach and tiny shocks wherever his loving touch landed, eager to touch you, the way his green but now electric blue eyes looked at you with pure admiration. He was so perfect. Everything you wouldbe thought you wanted on paper was right infront of you, waiting on you. You couldnt lie, you were excited to see him and thankful chani allowed you to go back. You wondered about him, wondered how he looked now, was he more mature? Did his voice get deeper? was it just protocol? Did you make a mistake? Is he safe? Is he still there? Does he still love you?

Anxiety crept through your throat before you swallowed it back down. Chani was already ready to go as soon as she shes going with you. You looked at her, she was sitting outside of the giant rock, waiting for you and if she wasnt already so smart, she turned feeling eyes on her back almost as if she could sense you, one eyebrow raised as she then crossed her arms and leaned on her left foot. You sighed before picking up your things, walking up to chani she put her hand on your shoulder and patted it. ¨can we just sit here? we just got here! look at the view¨ she said before crossing her arms again and looking at you with a smile.

The view was clearly beautiful. The sun coming down as it usually does but in this particular rock, there was something different about the scenery. ¨pretty cool for a shit planet¨ you muttered, dropping your things before you got down and sat criss cross. Chani joined you, enjoyed the view for a little longer before she looked over at you.

¨why do you like him so much, Paul?¨ she questioned kindly, usually she didnt like talking about him, she was never a fan. You looked at her, studying her face you could see she had a serious face beside her eye slightly winched from the sun, she waiting on your answer before she lifting her knee and laid on her elbow. you sighed before sitting with your legs flat out with your hands in your lap, it wasnt a hard question, it just caught you off guard. Why were you so attracted to him? . ¨i….i dont know, actually¨ you looked back into the view, chewing on the side of your cheek before continuing. ¨its not everyday you get a new comer who is so emotionally strong but you could see he is so lost in those gorgeous eyes. Someone so intelligent, beautiful, kind, and wise. Who wants to learn and is¨ you did an exaggerated sigh before raising your fingers to quote ¨so humble, as stilgar says¨ chani laughs before laying flat out. ¨he was new, wasnt like us. us growing up, we were used to the same routine, everyone around everyone. So when he got here, when he wanted me.. I just…felt…different. Everything felt different¨ a small smile played on your face as you thought of him.

“ever thought of kids?” paul asked, playing with your hair. “why are you thinking of kids in your current situation, paul? wouldnt that be too much?” you reply, your arm laid across him and your head in his chest. he chuckled in return, you felt his heartbeat skip and pitter patter before you felt the vibrations from his voice, “i wouldnt wanna have a kid unless its yours, y/n” and with that you smiled and looked up at him, pressing a kiss to his lips before he wrapped his arms around your waist to flip you guys over, you both chuckled before paul pulled up the sheets.

You wanted to feel his warm embrace again. You wanted him again. ¨i had a vision- well a dream that one day, he would be ruler. Be so wise and so gentle, which he already is. But i would be at his side, carrying his kids. Happy family. Getting to see his eyes… looking into him and only seeing love, i wouldnt ever grow tired of it. Y/N atredies, queen of atredies, me and him. You and stilgar, everyone around each other. Happy family, happy life. Of course war, but-¨ you cut yourself off, ¨i just want love, ever since i experieced it with him, its hard to let go. He teached me genuine love, nothing less, nothing more. The way he was so honest. How could i ever let that go?¨ you questioned, a puzzled look on your face as you waited on chani to answer. She took a pause, she once again looked back at the view before looking at you.

¨you do understand that he isnt the same anymore, right?¨”she said, looking up. ¨i understand,¨ you nodded, ¨ and i saw it, when he said he was waiting for me. He changed when he drunk the water of life. I dont think he really… values relationships anymore. I remember, i remember before he drunk the water, way before. He would tell me about these nightmares he had and how he was going to do everything to stop it¨ you pursed your lips to the side, as the conversation flowed, your confidence in your relationship was going lower and lower. As much as you didnt want to hear it, you needed to. ¨he lost himself, y/n¨ chani says. ¨are you sure when you walk back into his life hes gonna be the same old paul?¨

You bit your lip before looking down at your hands and let out a breath, ¨thats what were going to find out, right?¨ ¨to be honest,¨ chani sighed and put her hands behind he head, looking at the ceiling of the rock. ¨ i dont really trust him, never did. nor do i like him. He took advantage of us y/n. Tricked us, making us fight for him¨ chani said without filter. ¨he is the preacher, its written. I believe in him¨ you said pridefully, showing humility as you will always stand behind your one true love. ¨you got your sight taken by the vision of love¨ chani looks at you, she felt bad that you were so blind. But you were often like this, always have been. Soft, sensitive, caring. Its true, you and muad´dib are perfect for each other, chani could see that, but you honestly didnt wanna talk about it if she wasnt even gonna try to understand. ¨white savior¨ she finishes and looks up at the ceiling of the rock again before she looks back into the distance. ¨i love him¨ that was your finishing statement.

It was as if nothing faded, like you didnt grow, like you saw paul yesterday, like you never left. Chani felt so bad, so bad that you kept searching for paul in sleepless nights. But she also felt slightly angry, as if she didnt take you under her wing and teach you something brand new, a new way of life. It was like you totally discarded it, like you didnt want it, you didnt want to. Paul or nothing. Did you not value chanis friendship? Her love? She would never ask, shes too dominate for that. But it bothered her.

¨we should leave before it gets too late¨ chani mutters, letting out a slight groan before she stood and wiped her hands off on the pockets of her pants. You followed suit and picked up your bag before something dropped. It was pauls necklace, a family heirloom he trusted you with, he wanted you to have it. You looked at it before picking it up, rubbing over it and placing it over your neck before following chani.

The sand crunched against your shoes as you followed her, she was silent as she held the tools to get a sandworm. It was offly hot today and you both lacked water so she viewed it at that point, she already discussed with you that she wasnt gonna work for muad´dib, wasnt gonna fight for him, only gonna fight for her people. You looked at her, the sweatbeads on her forehead visible but it didnt make her look bad. You sat while you waited for the sandworm to appear.

When you arrived the foundation looked huge, guards around the premises dressed in black, all tall, muscular, and you could easily tell they were worthy of their place. ¨follow me¨ chani said, her walk bold and strong as you followed behind her in suit. Chani walked up the the guard and the guard had a strong bold look. ¨who are you?¨ the guard asked. ¨chani¨ she replied, taking off the mask that covered her eyes. ¨freman¨ he muttered, he looked over chanis shoulder and saw you. ¨and you?¨ he questioned, ¨freman¨ you replied. He stepped aside and allowed you both to enter. Chani pushed the door open, coming inside and you followed.

You werent used to this, spending all your life living in a rock. The walls were long and you looked at them, wanting to touch them, study the whole place. But there was something else you wanted to see to, the love of your life. ¨y/n, im gonna try to find stilgar. Be safe¨ chani whispered to you. ¨chani, this is home. Everyone we know is here, this is family¨ you said with a smile on your face. ¨its been six years. Foundations couldve changed, family couldve changed. Who knows what paul did, y/n¨ she said stern. You nodded your heard and she did too, leaving you off to find the one you wanted to see do desperately.

You walked, the building was so silent that you could hear your own footsteps, sand fell off your shoes as you walked, leaving a trail. A smile played on your lips as you walked throught the halls, checking every door, seeing your people. You asked them, ¨wheres paul?¨ in return they smiled, ¨not so sure. I dont even know where his room is at. Maybe check the throne room. Honestly, i havent seen him in a long time, y/n¨ and you did, no one was there. You furrowed your eyebrows and continued to look through the rooms, paul just wasnt there. Your happiness sooned turn into sadness and insecurity. Tears were on the edge of brimming your eyes. You exiteded the castle and sat down, leaning against the wall. You held your knees up to your chest and put your head on your forearms.

Where is he? Wheres chani? This is his place he cant be impossible to find, can he? Why cant i find him? Wheres his wife? All these thoughts coursed through your head as you waited, you ended up falling asleep, outside.

¨y/n?¨ you heard. Your neck had a crane as you looked up. ¨y/n!¨ it was a voice you recognized, ¨why are you outside?¨ they laughed, you finally looked up after rubbing your eyes and it was stilgar. ¨stilgar!¨ you yelled, he came down to your level and hugged you. He laughed ¨look at you, all dirty¨ he wiped your face. ¨wheres paul?¨ you questioned, his smile dropped and his eyebrows furrowed. This took you aback, ¨wheres paul? I was gonna ask you that¨ he mutters, wiping the dirt off of your cheek. You dropped his hand and looked at him with desperate eyes, ¨what-what do you mean?¨ you asked, desperate for an answer. ¨paul left 2 years ago, y/n. He said when he came back, he would come back with you¨” stilgar looks down as he reveals, you stood, paced, questioned. ¨he said he would wait for me- i….i dont understand! Stilgar¨ you let out a whine, trying to fight the tears. ¨where is he? Stilgar please, please!¨ you begged, dropping to your knees. Stilgar couldnt muster to come up with anything to say. In honesty, he mightve been more sad than you. The messiah is gone, lost. No where to be found. How could he find him? Where could he possibly be? Two years. Two. this was like heartbreak all over again. Before, you knew he was alive, but now. You know nothing. Should you go back? Is he still searching for you?

#timothee chalamet smut #timothee chalamet x reader #paul atredies x black!reader #paul atredies x reader #paul atreides #paul atredies smut #is that even a tag?#timothee chamalet x black!reader #timothee x you #timothee fanfic #timothee chamalet series #dune part 2 #SHIIWRITES⭐️

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actualbird · 4 months

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confession: i refrained from talking about It here (though i livetweeted the ordeal on my priv lsbdfsdlf) but now that things have calmed down, i wanted to share what's happened

from february 4 to february 12 of 2024, i experienced the most heartbreaking and heart wrenching week of my life. my mother tried to commit suicide several times, and the days were first spent taking care of her while in an overdosed state while she said over and over that she wanted to die before i finally broke and begged her to go to the hospital. up until that point, i was looking after her on my own. i was feeding her, getting her to sit up to drink water, walking her to the bathroom, checking if she was still breathing, and enduring it when she got mad at me and told me she was “fine.” i was hanging on by a thin thread. i’ve always been the house’s caretaker—always known as the pragmatic and responsible one—but this was more than I could ever handle.

“i don’t know how to help anymore,” i told my older sister when i myself had my own breakdown on the night of my mother’s hospitalization. as i hyperventilated and sobbed, the feeling of helplessness shook my body and my words. “i can’t help anymore.”

and then something really wonderful happened: people came and helped

when news got out of my mother's attempts, suddenly my phone was blowing up with texts and messages from people i didnt know. they were her friends: old friends from college, friends from the university she teaches at, her family from the province. they were all asking me and my siblings if they could help with anything: driving, food, money, emotional support. her family in the province drove hours from the province to meet us in the city just to lend a hand in keeping us calm. her friends from the university were the ones who drove her to the hospital and helped us out with a loan and financial aid for the ER bills.

my brother who lives in japan flew in back to the philippines despite having an academic conference just to help. his girlfriend drove him from the airport to the hospital despite having to study for an exam. my older sister's boyfriend came over just to buy us all donuts and food to make sure we were all eating while looking after everything. my girlfriend bought my sisters and i trinkets from a convention just to make us smile during these hard times, and she kept reminding me to sleep and eat and drink and take my meds. my online friends who knew were messaging me asking if i was okay, if i wanted to see some bird posts for serotonin or if i needed somebody to vent to or even to help with money too. hell, even my coworkers asked me if i was okay. they asked about my mom, and i told them, but then my supervisor asked "but how are YOU?" and i burst into tears

all this reminds me of that weird "discourse" i see around about how youre not supposed to ask friends for help because we're all adults and. i am 24. and in these weeks, i felt more like a helpless child than ive ever felt in my life

and yet

people came and helped

when youre needed, youre needed

and we didnt even ask. they just....showed up.

everybody we knew—friends, acquaintances, colleagues, family—they all showed up when we needed them

idk. i guess in this world it's really easy to feel really alone. i sure did. but youre really really not. i had no idea how many people were looking out for us, but they're here. they were here for us. ive lost count of how many people came to help, and isnt that a beautiful thing. i lost count of how many people helped

#i think this is what being human is about #dootdootdoot #things have calmed down now and everybodys okay now #and a large part of that is thanks to everybody who came in to help #cw suicide ment

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rassicas · 1 year

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I think the concept behind Grizz is solid: a Former Bear who inadvertently Ship Of Theseus'd himself into Not Being A Bear Anymore ties neatly into the running theme of Judd and Lil Judd being the Only Mammals left: Mr. Grizz, whatever he is now, no longer counts as a mammal. But in execution... Yeah. They should have focused on the "Ship Of Theseus angle" and the fact that, in his attempts to bring back mammals, he's become more like the organisms that he's trying to destroy.

Ive gotten about a good few dozen comments on YT about this exact thing. but half of them being annoyingly condescending in the process for not bringing up this analysis in my Live (keyword live) reaction of me hating on the bear. i dont think ive really addressed how i feel about this particular thing because of how rude ppl were, but its been a while and youre being nice so long post incoming Anyway yes im very much aware of this 'ship of Theseus angle to grizz, I did see that "in defense of grizz" video. And honestly I do agree it is something about him that has interesting potential if they'd leaned into it more. Much of my distaste with the ending of ROTM is the build up and execution. They made the bear foreshadowing laughably obvious years too early, and then all the poor fools like me who care too much about splatoon's story had faith that "surely the splatoon team, who just made a story as surprising and serious as Octo Expansion, wouldn't handle foreshadowing the identity of their next major villain that badly" took the biggest L. IF the splatoon team had been more blatant that the Judds were the last mammals left throughout the series (the only time it was directly stated that all mammals were extinct before ROTM? in a dev interview. and for years nobody wanted to believe it whenever i tried bringing it up lmao.) if they weren't that on the nose about the bear imagery. if the only solid piece of deception they had about Grizz not being a bear in the entirety of splatoon canon wasn't in a paid artbook... if they were more deceptive about the fact, I'm sure i wouldve been a bit more accepting of the idea of him secretly being a bear from earlier on, and it would've been a cooler reveal. But surface level knowledge should be called into question by looking at the deeper evidence, not the other way around.

The ineffectiveness of the bear reveal is a culmination of Splatoon doing a frankly, bad job at putting whats supposed to be basic, important, worldbuilding knowledge in the game. I think the intended effect of the bear reveal was that the general audience of fans were supposed to have been like "woah, but all mammals are supposed to be all dead holy shit i cant believe hes a bear." and that info was supposed to put a wedge in the bear theories. but when 95% of the player-base anticipating splatoon 3 had no idea that all mammals (except the judds) are supposed to be extinct in the splatoon world and how that's an important part of its worldbuilding up until the announcement of the story mode, if at all...idk man thats pretty bad.

The way the info about mammal extinction was worded in the official news posts sounds like it was supposed to be common knowledge for Splatoon fans, not a surprise like it ended up being.

Anyway back to the execution, it would've been cooler if they'd leaned into that horror element, the fact that he's hardly even a mammal anymore. I think the implication is there. It is cool and fucked up in Splatoon's signature way! But again, I agree it would be better if it was played up or even acknowledged once directly, like in log.exe. Even with all the potential for bear Mr. Grizz to be cool, the years of too-blatant foreshadowing leading to a frustratingly disappointing reveal and the exact annoying plot holes i feared of has permanently soured the concept of him being a bear to me.

#asks #return of the mammalians #i also get a lot of but what about dramatic irony!#soooo many signs point to the intent of it being a serious surprise #doesnt help that the eng dialogue added in a fuckton of goofiness that wasnt even there in the original #it wasnt intended to be dramatic irony period

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woozten-x · 8 months

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#. 𝐈𝐧𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐧𝐢𝐚 || 𝐉𝐚𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐧

[ ; M.List including other Neos! ]

─ Synopsis: Insomniac nights are a pain...But, Na Jaemin will be the end of it all.

─ CONTENT WARNING: Indirect mention of suicide, DEPRESSION!

─ Pairing: Na Jaemin x Gender-Neutral Reader

─ Genre: Angst w. Comfort, Fluff/Wholesome

─ Concepts: reader has insomnia and depression, indirect statement towards suicide(?), basically reader getting comforted by reader because everyone needs a Jaemin in their lives, crappy writing pls don't mind that LOL

─ Count of Words: 1.2k

─ Inspiration of the work: What Was I Made For? - Billie Ellish

A/N: hi again LMAOODHSD yeah its been awhile. uhh... well... ive been burnt out for awhile because for some reason sitting and writing was a really difficult task to do lately. i am working on other projects! but, finishing them is a different story. this isn't how i wanted to come back... but, things been rough so i've been in the gutter and just wrote this on a whim since writing is just my source of comfort.

this is incredibly self indulgent. its a little too real? idk. the emotions are there but its not exactly clarified further? i decided to post so i can just put something up before doing changes to my acc + have some comfort for people who dealt with similar issues (stay strong<3). i am not sure what else to really say HAHAHDGS but, i will be writing and putting some things up again!!

ty for anyone who followed and continued supporting my works. i really appreciate it<3 i hope you guys have a great day/night :)

Another sleepless night.

At this point, it should be part of your routine, but it has gotten to the point where you are staring at your ceiling in the dark. Endless thoughts struck your mind like thunder, each droplet of your breath seems repetitive; you are still breathing yet somehow everything feels so empty. You are not sure why you feel this way or maybe you do, it is simply one of those feelings you feel at times.

Because of these same feelings, you are left wide awake with your body begging to sleep but your mind is continuing to howl within the night; yet there is no moon. Somehow, everything feels so dark. During these late hours where everyone is sleeping, nightfall seems endless for you - finding no peace within, especially amongst your inner turmoil.

You glance at your bedside, reaching out to take your phone and check the time. The white, bold number glows back at you - ‘2:00 a.m.’ reflecting back at you and momentarily blinding you with its powerful light. You let out a heavy sigh, placing down your phone on the nightstand with eyes stinging slightly from exhaustion and possibly the bright light of your phone. Rising from your bed, you quietly open the door.

Your footstep croaks upon the wooden floor of your apartment, walking to the kitchen that was only down the hallway; thinking maybe you could find something to munch on. Knowingly, you would only go to the kitchen without much reason or an appetite. It was a distraction, one that could help you out of your thoughts; even for a brief moment.

Quietly you stalk towards the kitchen, the tile floor cold against your skin, you pay no mind however. Your hand extends towards the fridge, opening it and letting the light be the only thing illuminating back at you. Eyes scan the items inside the fridge, finding nothing appetizing nor did you bother to move to grab something; instead you stand in front of the fridge, the coldness escaping wraps around you.

It wasn’t comfortable. No, it was far from comfortable…Yet it was somehow comforting to feel it.

“Y/N?”

Blinking away the daze cursing you in place, you glanced over your shoulder to see Na Jaemin; your roommate and a friend since highschool. The two of you have quite a history, in fact he is one of your best friends, one who experienced the highs and lows with you. He seems confused upon seeing you at this hour, concern evident in his gaze but he conceals it with his usual smile of his.

One that seems to hold no worries.

“Can’t sleep?” He asks, walking over to you and you look away once hearing the beeping from the refrigerator. It was alerting the both of you about how the door was open a bit too long. You close it and Jaemin grunts when he bumps into the corner of the counter within the kitchen, “What are you doing in the dark? You got night vision?” He grumbles, a hint of pain in his teasing.

You chuckle, walking towards the light switch of the kitchen and pressing the button - “Maybe I do~ Maybe I am a vampire.”

“Is that why you are always sleeping during the day?” Jaemin jokes along, the same smile playing on his lips. The light of the kitchen glowing in a faint yellow, your eyes easily landing on Jaemin; although he carries a smile, it did not reach his eyes. “Are you okay?” He asks, inquiring about your well-being once more; he seems to care so much.

But, for what reason? Your mind instantly thinks that when just seeing it. Feeling it.

You shrug, “No idea. Just have…A lot of thoughts.” You admittedly say, not exactly direct with what you were feeling. No words could describe it; was it exhaustion? Sadness? No, for some reason, it was more complicated than that.

Jaemin eyes at you, tilting his head - “What kind of thoughts?”

“When will the world end?” You joke with a small, half-hearted laugh. Jaemin rolls his eyes, your playfulness seizing an opportunity; but, it wasn’t exactly worth it. No joy overwrites the concern on Jaemin’s handsome face.

“Do you want the world to end?” He asks, leaning himself against the edge of the counter. You stood near the fridge, feeling your shoulders shrug at his question; it was a joke, nothing more. However, Jaemin had caught on the deeper undertone of it.

You sigh, “Honestly, I don’t know. It’s not like Doom would appear at my service.”

“Yes, dating some type of godly being is out of the question.” Jaemin chuckles, nodding at your words. You feel your lips tug up into a small smile at the same banter, your eyes falling away from his; your eyes scanning the tile floor, each line of the floor somehow more interesting than the person facing you.

“I wouldn’t want it to end.” He said, shrugging his shoulders and you scoff at his words. You part your lips to speak, but he continues - “But, if it ever ended, I would want to spend the very last moment with you.”

You chuckle, not exactly surprised to hear that from him. He’s always been vocal about his loyalty towards you and even his fondness; but, somehow it has your eyes watering just a little. It was such a small thing, one thing that seemed like a Na Jaemin thing to say yet it held so much impact. You look up, blinking away the tears with a laugh leaving you - “You are so cheesy.”

Jaemin shrugs, “I prefer speaking the truth.” He softly said, noticing the vulnerability surrounding you. Even when you hide it, he is always going to notice. He lifts himself off the counter, walking towards you. Strong arms surround you, tugging you close against a warmth; one that seems familiar, but one you seemed to have forgotten.

You rest your head against his chest, hearing the faint heartbeat of Jaemin. He places a hand on the back of your head, cradling you in his secure grasp - “It’s alright now.”

Burying your face in his chest, tears streaming down your face; the same tears that never came for these past nights. No matter how hard you tried, they wouldn’t fall. Finally, the warmth streams down your cheeks, letting all the heaviness drown you; you hold onto Jaemin, fingers loosely grasping onto his sweater, as he lets out a low assuring hum.

Even when you know he would never understand, he is going to stand in front of you with open arms. He always will.

“I won’t leave you alone for the night, okay?” He murmurs near your ear, his breath warm against your skin.

You nod, your grasp tightening on his sweater. By the end of the night, you won’t be able to let him go…

Even with these past nights of anxiety and overthinking, you are finally falling asleep in peace.

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obitv · 1 year

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i feel like. for the most part, pd fans dont think about the spirit world often. despite the ENTIRE ARC they spent there the ost people take away is mal = big evil guy and.. idk. the wispering woods Exists? but there is SO, SO MUCH going on there thats so much more important than youd think. just for starters

its a SERIES OF FLOATING ISLANDS IN A VOID, JUST LIKE FAUNA

mal? not so important there. his guide, ghoul (who we see a grand total of ONCE, in episode 10, and is mentioned again in episodes 11 and 12), is POTENTIALLY THOUSANDS OF YEARS OLD whereas mal i wouldnt put above 50, and thats even a stretch (i will get to the why later)

domains! those floating islands? all domains! ghoul? technically owns most of the domains! what does that mean? HE KNOWS EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS THERE AND CAN CONTROL IT.

also i think everyone forgets this but william was, visually, in his wisp form the entire time they were there

oh also ghoul has dozens if not hundreds of paintings of a man who might be jason king (ORIGAMI) in his castle.

so. ive taken the time to compile most of the information i could find on mal, ghoul, the spirit world, the wisps, an more into a handy post because im fucking insane (note: im only up to e13, the smoke samurai fight, in my rewatch. this IS where the majority of spirit world facts come from anyway, but anything i mention that isnt from those episodes wont be in as much detail bc my memory is ass. if you remember more things, let me know!) (also also, im going to avoid bringing up deadwood as much as i can because.... i think ive talked about it enough 😭)

starting with: GHOUL!

lets be honest. theres a very small chance you even remember this guy exists. but he is FASCINATING

to start with, he has a.. symbiotic relationship with mal, from what ive seen. he needs mal to interact with the physical world, mal needs him to go to the spirit world. ill go into this more in mals section

aside from that, mal is NOT the first physical vessel ghoul's taken. its not clear when he began working with mal, or how many forms he had before, but he's one of many

(also just a note because it can definitely be confusing... ghoul and mal seem to share control over the castle, but before seeing that mal is waiting for them in the dining room everyone was focused on ghoul and mal was barely brought up. its not clear if the things they see in the castle before going in to mal were his choice or ghouls but... ill include the paintings here)

on that note: the paintings!

what the fuck is going on in there

so. yeah. ghoul has.. dozens. and i mean DOZENS, hundreds if you count that they repeat over and over, of paintings featuring a man with "blond hair and chiselled jawline" in various important historical events. they line the walls of the upstairs corridor (the one that seems endless) and are never brought up again

do i think this is jason king? well im not convinced they ARENT... i will touch on this again later just keep it in mind

jumping back to domains, ghoul seems to have.. some degree of control over all of them. at least in the part of the spirit world he rules over, which i assume is. why he rules it. going by the king stuff its like. he owns all the land and "rents" it out to other spirits

rent is a nicer word, since he can CURSE PEOPLE to control domains and dictate how they behave

thats why the carnival is evil, if you remember. ghoul cursed the carnival skeleton (the REAL groundskeeper) to rule the domain and attack anyone who entered

what the fuck

also ghoul is a king

when looking for ghoul in ashes book, despite the very low roll they got some VERY important info: ghoul (who, when we see him, is comapred to antivenom from spiderman) -

this guy

HE WAS A HUMAN KING. his name is mentioned ALL THE WAY through ashes book, from front to back. a picture of a man in royal garb, was labelled with his name

something.. happened. that turned him from that spirit world king to a monstrosity.

its also never made clear if the man in the paintings is ghoul? we dont get a description of the kings face in the book and we dont get a description of the mans clothes

also, finally: when theyre in the physical world, mal and ghoul essentially share a body, with the body turning into That Thing ^^ when ghoul is in control. ghoul HAS to take control to open portals to the spirit world - he does it to william, and cantrip mentions it too when they interrogate her

he also appears separately from mal when they take william to the spirit world, but we dont see him at all in any other domains so thats a small sample size

BUT he Does have a fucking. encyclopedic knowledge of domains (which ill talk about later). he "knows all of these places [domains]"

NEXT: MAL!

where do i fucking start.

basic mal facts: asshole, british, very powerful, knows far too much about the spirit world to make any sense

just a basic overview of his powers, btw:

he can create illusions, float/fly (in the spirit world, at least), ghostshape, go intangible, and mayyybe has some sort of connection to earth or gravity powers because theres one point where he makes the ground beneath someone burst up but also that mightve been a weird ghostshaping trick and im honestly too scared to think about that

basically he seems to have most of williams powers + illusions and whatever that ground trick was. the only things we havent seen are invisibilty (which considering mechanically its just a flavouring of an advantage which isnt technically a power, makes sense) and the wisp form, though id consider the ghoul transformation to b the equivalent of that

oh in case you forgot he can also FREEZE. TIME. william isnt affected by this but im not sure if that was because mal wanted him to see what happened or because spirit shenanigans

also little aside but while williams powers manifest as wispy blue flames, mals are always black lightning (his ghostshaping, most noticeably)

the biggest mal question is.. how does he. know all that shit? youd expect ghoul to be the one who actuall has the knowledge but mal is ALWAYS the one they deal with

now you may be wondering: why is this an issue? well the thing is. we dont actually know ANYTHING about mal. we dont know where he comes from, what he wants, how he met ghoul, if his powers are his own or all come from ghoul... none of it

what we can ASSUME: mal was alive when he made some sort of deal with ghoul, because he obviously had a physical body. my personal theory is that mal is (one of?) the previous owner of ashe's book, since so far that's the only thing we've seen that allows you to summon spirits and allow them to possess you, and its full of references to ghoul. and quite honestly the thought that theres MULTIPLE books like that is terrifying. so

ok i actually just came up with that one on the spot but if mal had a better understanding of the language the book is in than ashe and wasnt so afraid to use it then actually him knowing a shitton about the spirit world makes so much sense. what the fuck

bizly bizlychannel youre prying that theory from my fucking corpse im in love with it now.

so. yeah. presumably, mal and ghoul made some sort of deal, because they work together. its not clear if mal is working to get william on his side by his own volition or if ghoul wants him to, or if its like a "ghoul brought it up and mal decided to go for it because hes better at talking and also isnt a horrifying monster" but whatever. unlike william and the wisps (amazing band name) who fight fucking constantly because william never ASKED for his powers, mal is comfortable with them

another thing mal seems to have control over is ghouls castle. he lays out the red carpet and makes every door lead to the dining room and also makes it impossible to leave

specifically, irt all the doors going to the dining room, bizly said "if he can control this castle and where it goes, thats what he wouldve done"

the corridor upstairs (without the carpet, with the paintings) also goes on literally forever. you cant go back once you walk far enough you have to go through a door. i have no idea if this was mal or ghouls choice

another thing! specifically layed out on the walls next to the carpet ("things he specifically wanted them to see") is an ornate dagger in a glass case. which vyncent with a gun steals but i dont think is brought up again ??? also the wording made me feel like there shouldve been more items listed but since condi immediately started stealing he just didnt include the rest ?? unsure

this is just a weird thing to note but theres like these freaky black tendrils that grab the table and hold it down when dakota tries to flip it. i dont know what to do with this information its just there

when william confronts mal on how much the spirits seem to hate him and ghoul, mal says "that's not what im here for" and, when pressed, says thats "a conversation for another day"

DOMAINS! AND THE SPIRIT WORLD IN GENERAL!

first: basics

the spirit world is, from what we've seen, a collection of floating islands over a void. these islands seem to all be "domains", places that are controlled by special spirits

the spaces between domains is the dead zone! this is where people go when they die, like 99% of the time. going there without special means (the hot air balloon, the carriage) will kill you.

so, how do you get a domain? ah. good... question....

one way is to kill whoever currently owns it. then its yours! congrats! you can alsp give away domains, but the only time we've directly seen this happen was the groundskeeper who was also cursed at the same time and ghoul seems to still have some control over the carnival anyway??? unclear

which leaves. william fucking wisp. because he has a domain! i am not getting into it here because ive said it all already but its there

also a little worth noting that williams domains seems to be shaped subconsciously without him even knowing it was there

i honestly cant speculate much more on williams domain because we just. dont have the answers. i could ask domain questions all fucking day like "did the wisps give william a domain" or "by being a powerful spirit did he just get an empty one or was one created just for him" etc etc we have no way of knowing

domains we know about: williams graveyard, the carnival, ghouls castle, the wispering woods (perhaps a series of domains? unknown), and the tricksters... house thing. do not ask me what the chaos zone is, i dont know and it scares me. if i had to guess itd be a series of. well. chaotic domains perhaps all partially ruled by the trickster but i also dont have ANY trickster lore written down bar "has a domain" so ill come back to that another day

and the obligatory deadwood mention: from what we can gather, the woods surrounding deadwood are where the barriers between the physical and spirit worlds are thinnest. specifically the area william died in was brought up which is totally linked to Everything about him

the wispering woods, in ashes book, is described as a "sanctuary" or "oasis". barely anybody has ever seen it and come back to say what it was like

ok bonus fact time. i dont know where to put these

WILLIAMS DAD? MAD FUCKING SUS

when they first talk to mal in his domain, he says the phrase "william! be a sport, be a pal, be my friend." its specifically noted that william recognises that phrase as something his dad said to him a lot as a child

mal is also pretty much.. the only person to call william "wisperer" consistantly. but for that phrase he said william

additionally, this entire. interaction between bizly and charlie

ill go crazy if i dont bring that up. so its here

AND! FINALLY! JASON MOTHERFUCKING KING!!! WHAT IS UP WITH THAT HUH?

in williams party city doritos induced fever dream (i am not talking about that ghost. i refuse) he sees the spirit world (floating islands) and he sees a throne made out of paper. this reads very clearly like a reference to origami/jason king, since hes dead at the start of the story

also i just want to say there IS a rolled where they say how jason died but theyre laughing really hard so i have absolutely no idea what theyre saying all i can hear is "dickass" im so sorry

so yeah. with that image in mind, hearing ghoul be described as a king (who HAS A CASTLE), and having so many paintings of a man who sounds similar to jason (am i reaching? maybe. but hes also the only prominent dead figure who already has connections to spirit world royalty and hes blond so let me have this) is just like. insane coincidence

i have nothing i can really prove here, because have o idea HOW jason an ghoul could be connected. but they are. i know it. believe me

thanks for reading this far it took me 2 hours to compile it all. if you have anything to add esp from later episodes PLEASEEEE PLEASE DO also if you wanna discuss anything i mentioned here i am always down.

#prime defenders #jrwi #william wisp #mallard conway #jrwi pd #primedefenders #mypost #theorytag #hi. do you still love me. very sorry if parts of this are hard to read i dont proofread anything

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dreamwinged · 4 months

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harassment mention / tw sa (<- not sure if it counts but better to be safe than sorry) (sorry for posting about this ik it’s so unrelated to this blog or anything at all i just wanna get it off my chest and i think everyone irl thinks i’m being dramatic 😭) vent pls don’t read if you find that content triggering !!!!

im only just now really remembering it but last night while i was out i got grabbed like multiple times throughout the night and im so . ☹️i feel violated and i cant stop replaying it in my head like over and over and ik it could’ve been so much worse and next time i wont wear a skirt or anything like that but. :( i feel pretty awful abt it , ive never experienced anything like that intense before and i just eueuughhhh … idk even why i’m posting this but i think i just want to sort out my feelings a little bit bc when i told ppl they were jus like “oh yeah that stuff happens” which yeah it’s true but i still think i can simultaneously be a little upset and feel disgusted about it even if its not uncommon . it’s happened to me b4 but never this bad ; my friends luckily kept me rly safe and the second time there were even some guys who like blocked us off from the Creeps when they found out what was happening but. god i just feel gross abt it and the fact that i was too imtoxicated to even like register it makes me feel guilty . i should’ve like pushed them off or yelled at them or something but i was just like :/ . it happened to my friend too which is jsut even worse like i wanna kill those guys for doing that to us but. i guess i jsut won’t go out for awhile :(

#.vent #tw sa mention #cw sa mention #genuinely im so sorry for posting this on here i just dont know where else to vent abt it

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c0rpseductor · 4 months

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i think one of the really frustrating parts about my ocd is like

i have the lying by omission or being accidentally misleading fear a LOT (esp as it relates to disclosing my abuse history) and also the same compulsion to seek reassurance as like anybody with ocd, but i also have this terrible thing where i recognize that my thoughts are unhelpful and illogical but get convinced that if i talked about them people would be mad at me.

like if i mentioned as an example "donation posts are bad for my ocd bc i feel morally obligated to reblog them and experience serious anxiety and discomfort until i do, and if they have any guilt-inducing language it compounds the effect" then my fear ends up that people would respond like "well it IS your obligation and you are being a bad person by making it all about you and comforting you in your privilege." basically like worrying that actually my ocd IS reasonable and those standards ARE objective and people WILL be mad if i try to work on it.

and ofc that also makes it really hard when i DO say or do something wrong related to my ocd, bc then i will have weird anxiety about it for ages but not be able to tell anybody or ask for help managing it down to reasonable levels of guilt bc then i'll feel like that's "making it about myself" and that actually the guilt is the only thing tethering me to acceptable behavior and so on. and usually the thing i've done wrong is small, so it's like, i feel ridiculous for being upset about being Evil Forever And Needing To Always Atone And Watch My Behavior over basically nothing. and then that ALSO makes me feel like i'm making it about myself and need to be watched and disciplined EVEN MORE. so even the smallest thing i do wrong can send me into like ages of self-policing and "you are so [insert bigotry here] and if you don't [list of compulsions] you will be irredeemably awful. [list of compulsions] is the only way to make up for what you've done. reaching out for help just means you don't want to accept the necessary discomfort that comes from being good and care more about your personal comfort than what is morally correct."

And this is just how i live my life every day and i have to try to just deal with that without having insane incredibly visible meltdowns which is always literally all my brain wants me to do bc part of me will hope people see that and Absolve me of my usually imagined wrongdoing. but this emotional reaction also counts as Bad (see above).

idk why im really going into all this beyond that i wish more people understood what moral ocd is like and how it manifests and that people who have it are not just like, chronically online or whatever. ive had my ocd symptoms made fun of as me being like, too much of a tumblrina goodie two shoes who needs to lighten up before, and it's really frustrating. like believe it or not i KNOW most of this makes no goddamn sense, but i have a mental illness that causes anxious obsessive spirals and compulsive behavior to mitigate that crushing anxiety, so outside of ERP or medication i cannot in fact Just Chill. like it's not a personality flaw of too much prudishness OR being too self-concerned and fragile to do The Work of unlearning bias (attitude i have also seen about ocd symptoms). it's a fucking disability

#uhh ask to tag

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vorpalfae · 9 months

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coffindollie copied your intro post

" copied this copied that "

i've gotten so many messages accusing ppl of "copying" me. or accusing me of "copying" others.

literally just let ppl do why makes them happy. if it looks similar to mine then who cares??? i think its cool that they like similar things as me. thats why i follow her. im not here to dictate what ppl can and can't like or can and can't post on their OWN blog. if it makes her happy then thats fine!!

idk if u genuinely were trying to warn me with good intentions or ur just trying to cause drama, but just know:

i do not care. i do not care what other ppl do online, i do not care what ppl do with their lives or how they choose to dress, portay themselves, etc. i do not care if they have a similar aesthetic or vibes as me. i LOVE meeting ppl who i have stuff in common with💜

i'm going to be 26 years old in a matter of days and i don't have the time, energy or desire to put others down or make them feel bad because they like my aesthetic or like the same aesthetic as me. its just childish. everyone takes inspiration from everyone. its very, very hard to find anything that is 100% unique and hasn't been done before. its 2023. what is the point of accusing ppl and being mean just because they like something that you also like? when u could literally just be friends with them and have a community where u can share ideas and bond over interests. i love @coffindollie and her blog. i love all her edits and her overall aesthetic. i love that we post a lot of the same stuff. i share her posts all the time because i like them.

just be nice to ppl. let them do what they want. the accusations and drama are so unnecessary and ugly and i don't want any part in it. i've had more than my fair share of having to deal with bullies and ppl just wanting to be cruel to others and i don't care about that shit anymore.

unless someone blatantly plagiarized my art, like my crochet, or my writing, or original artwork, then i don't care. and edits don't count as original artwork. because if we are being honest, 99% of the posts and edits ppl make on tumblr are NOT made with their own original photos and artwork. ppl post stuff from pinterest, google, deviant art, web archives, ebay, etc. and i like that. i love that tumblr allows ppl to share things they've found and give others the opportunity to make pretty edits or share them again on their own blogs. if i like something then i post it. nothing i post is with the intention of wanting to be like anybody else. it just means i genuinely LIKE that thing. and im almost positive that anybody doing something similar as me is doing it because they LIKE it. not to "copy" me.

thats just a weird, negative, and creepy way of thinking. ive seen plenty of stuff that looks almost identical to what ive done. and when i was younger and immature, it USED to bother me. but now i know its because i inspire ppl, or i may have introduced someone to something, or because i have good taste in a lot of things! its actually a compliment! if someone does the same thing you do its because what ur doing is obviously appealing to them in some way, or they wouldn't have done it in the first place.

trigger warning for this next part:

sorry for the rant, but im just so over it. im tired of ppl trying to start drama with ppl they don't even know. or trying to bring me into drama. i don't hate anybody or have issues with anyone. it makes me have so much anxiety when ppl are unnecessarily mean. i myself have been a victim of bullying to the point of harming myself or attempting suicide. its not okay. and i still don't understand why ppl are fine with making others feel bad about themselves.

im just here to post what interests me and what makes me happy. im not by any means a gatekeeper of my style or my interests. if u love the same stuff as me then lets be friends💜🖤 i would love to meet u and discuss our interests together 🥰

#ask #be kind #fuck drama #drama is for the miserable

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grasslandgirl · 11 months

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For the fic writing asks: 19, 27, 33, 47, & 68

HIII ANNA GRACE KISSESSS <333

19. Do you enjoy creating OCs or do you prefer to stick solely to canon characters?

stick solely to canon characters!!! i have a couple dna characters who are my darling light and life but i also don't really count them as OCs bc they're rooted in the original play to me forever and i don't usually throw them into unrelated fic (except leah my sam ecklund big sister. that's leah dna to me. whoops)

27. What area of writing do you feel strongest in?

uhhhh depends on the fic !!! some fics i feel really solid in the dialogue for, some i feel iffy on dialogue and comfortable in description, sometimes i like to really sit into the world building/setting/etc-- it depends on the fic and the setting and my headspace more than anything !!! (though i am forever curious as to what OTHER people think my strength/s in my writing is 👀)

33. Is there a specific word count that you hold yourself to/enjoy writing the most?

anything under like. 3k feels too short for me. i have a lot of respect for people who can write really short things and have them be like. cohesive and solid and clear but i feel like my writing has to surpass 2 or 3k words before it feels like. solid enough to post!! after that, it depends on what the story demands; i said in a previous ask that i don't outline generally and that carries over to wrod counts, too, i don't really know how long a fic is going to be until i feel myself getting into an organic endgame of the narrative-- when i start something, i have no idea whether its gonna be like 5k or 25k or longer lmao (famously i thought noble pining was gonna be a short regular fic when i started it. 3 years and 100k words ago. so. what do i know?)

47. Is there a trope that you’ve written before but are now sick of?

not really?? i tend not to read a lot of soulmate aus anymore bc i find them. a little overdone and not super interesting to me personally anymore?? but like ive only written one soulmate au a long time ago and i started writing that as a way to explore a soulmate au world build that did interest me!

68. Are there any fics that influenced you to write the way you do?

uhhhhh so many fics and at the same time? none? idk i read fic. so much. like every night to go to bed bc im #normal, and while there have absolutely been fics that have been wonderful and lifechanging and mind bending i dont know if there are any that have directly impacted my writing? sometimes reading a fic will give me a tangential idea for a scene or a fic or a beat that i might then go on to write, but my style tends to me more impacted by the people i am lucky enough to write alongside and hearing about their thoughts and processes and getting their insights and feedback !!! specifically in the last while jamie @jlinns and luka @creacherkeeper have been super inspirational and really helped me to continue shaping my perspective on my writing <3

send me fic asks from this list!!!!

#asks #xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoo #this questions are sososooo fun !!

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sukugo · 9 months

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your satosuku posts make my day! i love how you gush over them bc same lmfaoo. i'm glad i found your blog and a few others' over here on tumblr 😁 the gosuku tag is unfortunately quite inactive but it's rly good to know that i'm not the only one who ships them 🤧 (gosuku doesn't deserve to be stuck in rarepair hell i'm so sad ugh)

aaaaahhhh anon im so happy to hear that!!!!!!! 💖💖💖💖💖 AND DW I GET YOU COMPLETELY!!!!!!!!!!!! u are absolutely not the only one in this boat

sukugo has always been my fave ship in jjk and i have never EVER understood why it's a rare pair. like???? how could u not ship the two strongest!!!!!!! the parallels that come with that!!! (which is now actually being explored in canon 🙌) and also with the amount of sexual tension they have!!!!! (like even before the current manga fight did u NOT see the lil cheek-ear touch in the second ep??? or the flirting??? the "you'll be the first i'll kill" and the "it's an honor to be targeted by sukuna"???? like hello??? these two have been wanting to fuck since they first met) let us ignore the fact that those 2 interactions were all that they had GDJDHDS

but yeah......before the tag didn't even exist here 😭 i was literally the one who had to found the sukugo + gosuku tags, like if u scroll down all the first posts are mine ahdjfhsjvdd 🙈 so yeah gushing about them and spreading the agenda has always been my thing hahah 🙈 i actually run the @sukugo blog and also sukugo/gosuku archive on twt! they were both inactive the past 2 years as i was into other stuff, but ive come back to them as my jjk obsession has revived hehe

to be honest, i feel like the ship has definitely grown, and with the current fight it's really something that u can't not at least consider. (all the flirting and fun they're having, the gojo hug-head grab attack, THE WHOLE LOVE THING.) and idk if to still count it as a rarepair 🤔, (tho if u're on tumblr it DEFINITELY feels like it 😭😭😭😭) (but such is the state of all jjk ships here lmaoo 😔) but yeah i think on twt its definitely more present (but i mean as i said, yeah that's a given.)

ANYWAYS, do NOT worry anon!!! there's quite a few of us here and we all got each other!!! let's gush about these fuckers togetehr!!!! <33333333

#ily anon u get it they're so good so perfect for each other they're such a great ship i love them a lot a lot uhgjsgfdhsfdjshdsj I LOVE THEM #our love shall impulse sukugosuku out of tumblr impopularity we can do this anon #f.ask #jjk #sukugo #added a lil promo for my blog and acc haha #but i mean as much as i made those accs for me they're also for other shippers too so i must share them!!! the love must be shared!!!#tho im rlly not being super strict with sukugosuku archive as i don't really use twt much any more #before id literally go through the tags each day and rt everything #but now i just rt whatever comes up on my tl #anyways................sukugosuku best ship..........

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hedghost · 9 months

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this is me trying to be nice. okay so bare with.

your post about uni. i understand that feeling about uni whole heartedly i felt that way about uni at the start of every single year and its fucking shit. eventually it passes but its not nice.

ive not managed to graduate because i havent submitted my final two assignments because i mentally couldn't bring myself to do them so i thought fuck it and gave up. dont be me don't do that.

also remember you don't have to be productive or feel motivated all of the time. take some time to yourself before you go back take a detox from whatever you feel is necessary and take time to be you relax have a self care day week weekend whatever you feel is necessary to get you head back in the right mindset.

if you need to vent to a person (i know you said you don't want to do it to anyone irl) or just talk to somebody there are so many people who are here for you. rant to me if you so desperately need i might not be good with advice n shit but hey i'm a pretty good listener so that counts for something. but take some time for yourself okay i'd reccomend going on a walk. if you live near like fields or something walk towards them they're pretty great when you need some time to yourself.

but i'm here if you need <3 soppy time is over

ur a cutie thank you i appreciate it

idk hopefully it’ll pass, i just think it’s dawning on me that this is my last year, it’s gonna be stupidly stressful and lonely, and then i have to be an adult and get a real life soul-sucking job, which is even more stressful and even more lonely, it’s just annoying bc it never gets any easier even though i have these phases so often

a walk might be a good plan ig

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lylilorden · 1 year

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12 Questions for 12 Followers

thanks @dreamingthroughthenoise!!

1. Are you named after anyone?

nope! kind of the opposite, almost. ultrasound technology wasnt.... the best..... around when i was born, so my parents were expecting a boy, and then like twelve hours before i was born my mom had a funny feeling and they started shuffling through name books until they found my names. ha, jokes on them i grew up to be agender anyway

2. When was the last time you cried?

idk, probably no more than two days ago. i never used to cry, and now i cry at everything

3. Do you have kids?

i have my internet hellions @potatoesandsadness and @depressedwetnapkin, and also two baby nieces who i love a lot (but who taught me that yeah i probably dont want my own children. they are exhausting)

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

mm, i guess? i try to only do it if its obviously a joke bc i have a hard time telling when other people are sometimes, and i dont want anyone to struggle to interpret what im saying

5. What's the first thing you notice about people?

in person, probably height? im pretty short so its a notable feature for me. online, i guess whatever the first handful of posts i see from them have in common?

6. What's your eye color?

bluegreengrey. they shift color depending on what im wearing and sometimes with my mood

7. Any special talents?

the first time i cook something it always turns out really well, and im good at remembering numerical passcodes and passwords. it took me exactly one time seeing it used to remember the code to the mail room door at my job (and my reward for that is that my boss always sends me over now to check it lmao)

8. What are your hobbies?

i read a lot, trad pub and fanfic (my favorite novel i've read this year is 'a taste of gold and iron' by alex rowland. my ao3 history is between me, myself, and i. god is not invited to this party, not even by implication). allegedly, i also write fic. im not very good at video games but i love playing uno on discord's knock-off uno app with @quack-snail-umbrella. im taking a ceramics class again bc i really enjoy it and that's the best and easiest way to get my hands on the materials. pressing plants for my collection, and occasionally making really stupid memes in a drawing app to inflict on my discord friends about niche things. does collecting books count as a hobby?

9. What sports do you play/have played?

i did gymnastics as a kid, and ice skating. i did archery in my teens, and nothing else since, bc between those three things ive made every single one of my joints permanently angry at me

10. How tall are you?

5' 2" with a lil upwards wiggle room

11. Favorite subiects in school?

art and history in high school, all my applied botany and ecology type classes im taking currently for my AS right now

12. Dream job?

that's kind of a tough one. i guess anything that helps me make a material, positive impact on the world? im not super picky i just want to not hate my job

tagging: everyone i already tagged up in my answers, @doodle-do-wop @displayheartcode @tethysresort @dear-rat-boi @my-insanity-is-an-artform @flaim-ita @sparklecryptid @chili-the-kid @kanafinwe-makalaure and anyone who feels like doing this

#no pressure i just thought yall might not mind a tag #personal

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beyond-the-kitchen · 5 months

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hi! 7, 11, and 16 for the arctic monkeys asks 😘

hiii, thank u so much for the ask 😊

7. how long have you been a fan? tell us about your journey!

oh gosh, this is a bit embarrassing. ive been active on here since about july??? this year. but ive been a casual fan for a couple of years. oddly enough i was supposed to go to the cancelled irish gig in the summer and taht cancellation got me more into them. idk how or why but im so glad cause ive met so many cool and lovely people as a result.

11. have you ever created any fanart or fanfiction inspired by the band/involving anyone in the band? feel free to share a link!

the closest ive gotten to proper fic is this post thats technically more about miles and his feelings for alex but im counting it anyways. as for proper fics i have some ideas i just need to sit myself down and actually write something. 🫣

16. if each of the albums was a person, which one do you think you'd most be like and why?

this is so so hard why would you even make me answer this. im kidding, i think that in terms of aesthetics im quite like humbug (or maybe id just like to think i am). but fr i always thought of humbug being an autumnal album and i find the emotional sound really fascinating. i was born in september so i adore all things autumn and i relate to most of the songs being quite calm and almost chill? in a way but then randomly having big crescendos and getting quite angry sounding. im someone who has quite a long tether before i properly lash out at someone and get angry. i hope that made sense and isn’t just rambles…

#ask games #arctic monkeys #bro i fully forgot how to spell september half way through this #I NEED TO SLEEP #charlie gets interviewed

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lenievi · 1 year

Text

✨2022 Writing Year In Review✨

I was tagged by @birdkeeperklink! Thank you! It was fun!

1. Number of stories posted to AO3: 13 + 1 wip started in 2021

2. Word count posted for the year: 23 277 👀

3. Fandoms I wrote for: Star Trek TOS (dsc, snw), MCU

4. Pairings: Kirk/McCoy, Spock/McCoy, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark

5. Story with the most:

(for all of these it would be Caught in the Storm (190, 15, 42) but it’s a wip that I first posted in 2021 so...)

- Kudos: For This Space Would Be Hollow If You Were Gone (93)

- Bookmarks: For This Space Would Be Hollow If You Were Gone (18)

- Comments: Silence (9)

6. Work I’m most proud of (and why):

"Silence” because I actually wrote about Tarsus IV, and I kept being strong and only used my own headcanon/interpretation~

7. Work I’m least proud of (and why):

“Letter” because I don’t like when I’m writing fluff, I just never think it comes off the way I want and also feels immature (even though people seem to like it 😂)

8. Share or describe a favorite review you received:

I get a lot of lovely reviews and many people say nice things, especially about my characterization, but I think this one is among my faves:

This was very well done! It made my chest ache and made me tear up a couple of times. TOS McKirk really deserves more love, and I enjoy how you've built up this trust between them to work with what we get on screen. Even if you don't do a sequel to this, I think you should write more TOS McKirk in general! You captured them very well.

because it was left on my very first mckirk fic that I still love dearly. And it’s just so “I made someone feel something?” 👀👀👀

9. A time when writing was really, really hard:

I feel like I’m going through times when it’s easy then it’s hard then it’s easy again and it all blends together. (You can usually tell whenever I “complain” on tumblr lol) The last time, it was just before Christmas because I was so stressed from not having everything done, but the moment I actually bought presents I felt better lol

10. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

It feels weird to say now, but And All I Ask..., the first mckirk fic. Like, I literally woke up one day and was like let’s write a tos!mckirk fic. And romantic one even. I’d never expected that to happen. And in that fic in particular, there’s a scene where Kirk and McCoy both kiss the same woman, and that whole scene was also very surprising when I came up with it.

11. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

A loud thunder sounded, and McCoy startled, his shoulder brushing Jim’s. Jim pressed closer, hoping to convey he was there and McCoy wasn’t alone. Sitting in the dark could sometimes feel as if there was no one else, as if you were the only person in the universe. All alone.

Jim let out a breath and stretched out his leg, letting the side rest against McCoy’s thigh. Maybe it wasn't McCoy Jim wanted to reassure. Maybe it was he who needed to know he wasn't alone. Who needed to feel another person's presence in this dark place.

"Do you ever regret joining?" Jim asked, breaking the silence.

McCoy scoffed. "Sure. Right now."

"McCoy."

"My..." McCoy cleared his throat. "My daughter's fourteenth birthday is next week."

Marriage. Daughter. Jim dug his fingers into the soft ground. Did he even know anything about McCoy?

from And All I Ask...

12. How did you grow as a writer this year:

I don’t think I did? idk I always feel like I’m just getting worse, instead of moving forward, I’m going back... I would reread fics I wrote in 2016 and feel like they’re more creative and more fun, and I start to feel like I’m stagnating.

13. How do you hope to grow next year:

I wish I could let go of “people expect to see established fanon” way of thinking, I wish I could stop caring what other people think, I wish I could write a fic where I won’t need to include anything that I know the fandom expects. I just hope that I’ll be able to write a fic the way I want without making compromises... I also want to work on structure of my one-shots.

14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

Jim Kirk lol

15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

I don’t think so.

16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

If you’re stuck, retype your fic again. Or chapter/scene if your fic is too long. You might not change anything (but you most likely will, even if it’s just your wording or a word choice), but you will also get back into the flow and it’s easier to continue. And it’s better than staring at a screen with no result.

17. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

At the moment, I’m working on a fic with a pair of characters I’ve never thought I would want to write about (I mean the dynamic, one of them is Kirk because of course it is lol), but here I am, wanting to tell a short moment in time with the two of them. I’m being vague and don’t want to say too much, because I’m afraid that if I mention it, I will lose the drive to write it.

18. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read.

@swimmingwolf59, @dahyeltal, @markcampbells. No pressure!

#leni answers memes #a year in review #long post

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funnywormz · 1 year

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(a day late but) for the fandom asks, 3 for both lister and rimmer?

OMG FUCK YES also don't worry abt being late im always up for ask games they're a lot of fun hehe

putting this one under a readmore bc i have a lot to say lol

i will do lister first and rimmer second!

003 | give me a character and i will tell you...

how i feel about this character:

OUGH. i love lister so much. he's my favourite character for sure although rimmer is a close second. he's just such a fun silly guy but with this sad side to him....... i rlly appreciate how he's shown as tough and masculine and yet he's allowed to have hobbies like knitting and cry at romantic movies and care abt his friends without it being mocked. he's not a perfect person but i adore him anyways. very relatable at times as well lol. i also have a massive crush on him i think abt kissing him at least once a day hehehehehe

any/all the people i ship romantically with this character:

definitely rimmer ofc. maybe ace as well??? kinda??? but since ace is still just another rimmer idk if that even counts lmao. basically it's just rimmer

my favourite non-romantic relationship for this character/favourite friendship for this character (im combining these questions bc they're kinda the same thing?):

ouuuuuh probably his friendship with kryten? i love how he genuinely respects kryten and how kryten is so adoring of him. kryten is kinda like a weird mum to him and it's so so funny and cute they're so silly. it makes me happy whenever they interact, esp when kryten coddles him and is sweet with him despite lister being a grown man lmao.

also it's kinda cheating to use them twice but i love lister and rimmer's friendship in a platonic way as well. they're just always hilarious whenever they're onscreen together and the way they bounce off each other is extremely fun

my unpopular opinion about this character:

idk if this is rlly unpopular but i get a little frustrated by his inconsistent characterisation in the show, esp in s8 compared to other seasons. i get that he does whatever the writers think is funniest but sometimes he does or says something and im like ":( lister wouldn't say that......." even though he is literally saying it in canon lol

also i think he needs more love in the fandom maybe. or more fics abt him getting a hug or something. this dude is depressed and lonely as hell and it makes me so sad can rimmer give him a hug PLEASE

one thing i wish would happen/had happened with this character in canon:

i wish his relationship with kochanski had gotten a proper resolution/he could move on from her and stop pursuing her romantically....... ive made longer posts abt this before but i just feel like his initial crush on her was just a shallow schoolboy kind of crush and it feels like a disservice to both of them that he's still chasing after her after getting to know her and them clearly not being romantically compatible. like in some episodes they're best friends but then the writing goes back to having lister treat her like an object rather than a person and it irritates me. i wish they could just be friends bc i adore their friendship and when lister interacts with her in a platonic way it's clear that there's such a fun dynamic there but it was utilised so rarely :(

my crossover ship:

ohhhh i don't rlly tend to do crossover ships so this was a hard one....... not rlly a ship more of a friendship but i would love to see him interact with the doctor from dr who lol. ik it's kind of a predictable choice as a crossover bc they're both british sci fi but i think depending on the iteration of the doctor they could either get along rlly well or hate each other and either way it would be very very funny.

i also think it would be fun to do a disco elysium crossover sometime. i would love to know what he'd think of harry and kim, i have a feeling he'd get along rlly well with kim but maybe that's just me

OK NOW I WILL DO RIMSY >:-)

003 | give me a character and i will tell you...

how i feel about this character:

ohhh i hate him but i love him so much. an awful person but a great character and unfortunately very relatable sometimes. i want to hug him and hold him so gently but i also want to put him in a hydraulic press. out of all of the rd characters he's probably the one i think about the most unfortunately. you know how it is

any/all the people i ship romantically with this character:

lister of course! and ig some of the au listers, like the one in the rat universe lol. but really it's just the main lister tbh. i just can't see him with anyone else

my favourite non-romantic relationship/friendship for this character:

sorry but it's lister again lol. like his friendship with lister. their dynamic is just so fun, i think my all time favourite scenes are the ones where they're together....... moonlight and sunlight etc etc etc

my unpopular opinion about this character:

it's a pretty generic opinion but i don't believe that any of his attempts at flirting with women/seeming attracted to women in canon are genuine lol. it always feels very forced and unnatural to me. that man is a deeply closeted and confused gay boy and i can't see him any other way tbh. i think he WANTS to be straight so bad but he is not. not even a little bit

one thing i wish would happen/had happened with this character in canon:

i wish his character development would stick more! like ik he has to be bitchy for the comedy and that's fine im not saying he has to suddenly be nice or whatever but it's frustrating to see him grow a little bit as a person or overcome one of his insecurities only to go back to being even worse than before in the very next episode........ he is a little more mellow in later seasons than he was in the earlier ones but not by much, and i feel like things like learning abt his real father and going off to be ace and stuff should have had a real visible impact on him instead of just. not changing anything lol

my crossover ship:

once again. not rlly a ship thing but the disco elysium crossover. i just think it would be funny. he would probably try to schmooze up to kim and harry and get in their good books bc he sees them as being in a position of authority but i think he would secretly hate them so bad and it would probably be kinda obvious lmao. i think kim would absolutely despise him

also i want to lock him in a room with spamton deltarune for a few hours and see who goes insane first

#TYSM FOR THESE I HAD SO SO MUCH FUN HEHEHEHEHEHEHE #always love to ramble abt my blorbos #ask game

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