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#i know im still on social media seclusion
thatgothsamurai · 2 years
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kinnporsche sketchdump + sorry i left some lil commentary..
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fictional-scenarios · 3 years
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hello! can i request an angsty fic with aizawa and f! reader where they break up? thank you!
i hope you enjoy this! i did it from his perspective, hope thats okay! also i know he probably wouldn’t actually be like this in a relationship, but for the fic, this is the only way i could see him being at fault :3
always appreciate reblogs and comments! if you’d lie to support me, here’s my ko-fi!
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In the worst of the aftermath, Aizawa was not angry. He was never angry, not truly. Not even when he’d snap at his friends for bringing up her name, or when he’d feel rage churning in his stomach at the thought of her being with another. He was never angry. 
He was sad. So devastatingly, core achingly sad, that it kept him bed ridden for days at a time. Work, come home, eat and sleep. It wouldn't end. 
He’d always considered his quant home a safe haven, but lately it’d been feeling like a prison. It felt like a haunting museum, little bits of her as far as the eye could see. The memories were so vivid, he could still almost see the figure of her standing in his doorway. He could see her leaning on the window sill peering outside. He could see her shoes by the front door, her toothbrush in a cup upon his sink. He could see her under the covers with him, hushed laughter and soft snoring into the early morning.
Even now, he see’s her beside him in bed. He see’s the indent of where she should be, now terribly empty. It makes him feel cold, alone. 
But, being alone had never been a huge issue to him before all this. In fact, he knows it was the downfall of him. 
She’d just wanted him to go out with her now and then. She just wanted to take photos with him, hold his hand out in public without feeling like she’d been forcing him. 
Aizawa buries his face in his hands, his back leaning against the cold wall, blanket curled around his waist like a weight. 
All she had wanted was just a little more life. Just a few more kisses, a few more hugs. A few more signs that he truly cared for her, but he wouldn’t hear of it. She knew he loved her, why couldn’t that be enough? 
He refused public dates that weren’t anniversaries or events. He hated photos. He hated when she’d clasp fingers around his own, hated it because all it brought was attention. Paparazzi's scavenging and ruining every affectionate and tender moment they’d shared together in public. 
He never understood why it had to be public. He couldn’t wrap his mind around why she would insist they get out and so something together. Why couldn't hanging out in the seclusion of his home be enough?
Always so stubborn, especially when it would have been the correct time to give in. His annoyance and unwillingness to be anything other than slow moving and low maintenance drove her away from him. He was just fine being on his own, so why couldn't she?
‘I feel like you’re embarrassed of me,’ She’d cried, having hit her breaking point. ‘I feel like you don’t even really care about me.”
Aizawa’s jaw tightens. Of course I care about you. Why else would I want you here?
He should have said that. But, he didn’t. Just silently witnessed the destruction unsure of what to do next. Unsure of whether to argue, or remain dormant and quiet. Not quite apathetic, but he was never one for a shouting match. 
Unfortunately, he chose to remain still in the face of a crumbling heart. 
‘Even now, you won’t say a word. You don’t ever talk to me, Shota. You never ask how my day was, or if I want to go do anything. Why do I feel like I’m just here so you’re not lonely?’ She’d had fat tears welling in the pits of her eyes. She looked drained, broken. ‘I need more,’ Voice cracking, a terrible realization she’d stumbled upon. ‘I need more than that.’ 
It was a tense moment of silence. She shook her head and choked back a harsh sob.
‘Then that’s it.’ Lip trembling, feeling unwanted. ‘I can’t do this with you anymore. I’m leaving.’
At the lucid memory, Aizawa wish's he could go back and punch himself in the head. Say something, you idiot, he’d scream. Tell her to stay.
She’d passed him by, and the door slammed shut before he even turned to watch her go. 
It’s been weeks now, and he can’t seem to get his head right. It’d taken days before she came to collect her things, something he hoped would never come to be. A stupid part of him believed that she’d come around for some reason. It’d happened before- her storming out, him never changing, her missing him enough to just... Get over it. This time, however, was much different. 
Sinking in the memories, Aizawa feels his throat tighten at everything she’d said, and even worse, everything he didn’t say. His phone lights up beside him. 
yamada: are you still moping in there???? come out w us tonight! you need to get outta bed at some point
yamada: its been weeeeeeks!!!!!!! come on!!!!!!!
Aizawa knows he does. He knows his friend has been trying to get him to leave since it happened, but it’s hard.  He answered his friend, deciding that tonight he would in fact go out for a few hours just to clear his mind- anything is starting to become better than seeing a home empty of her. He sends the message, and his heart grows heavy.
He said yes to his friends when he was feeling sorry for himself, but never for her. He knew he deserved it, but it hurt not having her anymore. Especially when all he had to do was say yes sometimes. 
What stung the most was that he didn’t get to see her when she came to collect all her items, cram them into a box and leave for the last time. He’d hoped at that point, if it ever came to that, he could convince her to stay. But.. She hadn’t told him she was coming. Perhaps because she knew she was bound to give in. 
He came from from U.A., hoping that she’d be there, sleeping soundly or sitting terse on the couch ready for an argument ending conversation. 
But, she wasn’t there. In fact, nothing of her was. All her things vacated. Everything but the memory of her stripped away. 
Aizawa had stood stunned in the doorway. Then, it all came crashing down. She was serious this time. It was set in stone.
She’d really left him.
He didn’t think she’d actually leave him. Arguments were always so easy for Aizawa. He was a firm believer in ‘take me as a I am, or don’t take me at all.’ But, he’d never realized just how much changing she’d done for him. 
When he’d first met her at a group outing, she was full of life. She was bouncy and energetic. She had a sea of friends, a world of opportunities. But with him, with Aizawa’s stubbornness combined with her need and want to spend time with him, she went out less and less. Contacts in her phone dwindled from a vast ocean to merely puddles. 
Seldom she went out, and on the rare occasions she was able to get Aizawa to go, she’d dress in her best just for him to chastise her. ‘We’re not going anywhere that fancy,’ he’d remark, not noticing how her eyes fell. ‘Aren’t you a little over dressed?’
Guilt tore up his heart, now. She was always so beautiful dressed up like that, how could he ever say those things? Too late did he notice how she’d changed everything for him. Lost friends, missed outings, just so she could remain by his side. He did everything wrong and wasn't even willing to see it. He felt like a neglectful, stubborn, ass. 
Forcing himself up from bed, it takes all his strength to get up and wander into the bathroom. He’d need to start getting ready then if he was to go later. He was a slow moving creature, after all. Lazily, mentally drained and exhausted, he opens the mirror and pulls his toothbrush from the little shelves inside. The mirror swings shut and he’s met with his dreadful reflection. 
His eyes are even darker, redder, than they ever were with his quirk. Even he could tell he looked worse for wear. Drained, emotionally vacant yet so powerfully overrun with them at the same time. He looked dead. He brings the toothbrush to his teeth, but can’t bring himself to find the motivation to actually begin cleaning up. 
So tired. 
He just wants to sleep again. 
He wants to text her. But he doesn’t.
Tossing the toothbrush into the sink, resting his elbows on the edges and allowing his head to hang in sorrow, he wonders what she’s doing right now. It’s a warm Friday evening, the blue sky wide and clear. He’s sure she’s going out tonight, finally allowing herself the freedom to make up for all the time she’d missed with her friends. Friday’s were always Aizawa’s least favorite day. He just knew she’d want to go out, and he’d always combat it with a movie she’d been wanting to see, coming up with some random excuse as to why it wouldn’t be an ideal idea to go out. 
Then, he’d ignore how she sadly watched her friends social media stories about the night, and ignored their texts asking why she’s never around anymore.
God, what he would give for one more Friday night with her. He’d dress up, he’d take her somewhere so nice even he would be afraid he couldn’t afford the food. Her and all her friends. Whoever she wants, the whole world if need be. He’d do anything she wanted, strut her to a party on a red-carpet. Anything just for another Friday night. 
Aizawa’s eyes cast back up to his reflection. A lump forms in his throat, he watches his eyes glisten with tears. He wants to fall into the floor and forget about everything. 
Pushing himself away from the sink, he shake his head and gags on how tight his threat feels. Without even a moments hesitation, he finds himself right back in his room, pulls the covers aside, and drowns in them all over again. It’s dark, it’s cold. His own rooms uninviting without her. 
Yet, he can’t seem to bring himself to leave it.
His phone sits on his pillow. Aizawa opens his friends message. 
‘im going to stay in tonight. thank you for inviting me. im tired’
Aizawa doesn’t even want to see the messages his friend instantly starts blowing his phone up with. Instead, seconds after the text sends, he holds the power button until the entire screen goes black. He rolls over to face the wall, and he feels like he’s made of led. He swallows hard and gives into sleep all over again. His arm slings around a pillow, and he clutches it to his chest. 
A forever inanimate reminder of where she once laid. 
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dippedanddripped · 4 years
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The first two things that come to mind when Salt Lake City is mentioned are Mormons and beautiful ski resorts. Maybe the 2002 Winter Olympics and the Utah Jazz also, so we’ll make that four.  The headquarters for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and the state capital are unfamiliar with urban and streetwear culture, but since 2012, Caleb Flowers and his brand Hathenbruck, has introduced this lifestyle to the particularly quiet town.  Raised in Montana, and making his way to Utah in his early teens, Caleb’s process in shaping an unseen cultural hub has been a mixture of chance and circumstance.
Growing up in a small town where he spent a lot of his time in isolation, Caleb found himself immersed on the internet where he spent researching his passion and interests. This brought himself towards the infatuation towards fashion and skateboarding. Caleb then landed a job at a local skate shop in Salt Lake where he then knew that owning and operating a storefront was his manifestation.  
Not only does Hathenbruck serve as a retailer for brands like Cav Empt, Rick Owens, Acne Studios, visvim, and Stone Island, the shop flourishes a space for creativity.  Asides from garments, Hathenbruck produces skate videos, mixtapes, and custom sneakers; like their Nike DripMax, Nike Runners, and an exclusive “Hyker” silhouette. With cities like New York and LA are seen as the forerunners for culture and fashion, Hathenbruck serves as proof that you don’t need a renowned environment to find success in a store.  We had a chance to gain insight on how Caleb took Salt Lake City in his own hands.  
Tell us a little about yourself and an intro what you do?
My name is Caleb Flowers. I live in Salt Lake City Utah and I own HATHENBRUCK(TM). A business that facilitates dialogue arounds ideas for myself, my friends, and other businesses. Basically, I talk to people and I sell people stuff and try to come up with new things that I think are interesting.
How did you spark this idea for Hathenbruck?
It started as a retail concept. I just wanted to talk to other people who had similar interest or at least a spot where I could introduce people to new things that i was interest in. The brand kind of became a souvenir to the conversations that took place in the store and online.I used to FaceTime people and talk about product and ideas. I think just this common bond found with strangers about things we like, as weird as that sounds.
What were your goals at a young age to build this up?
Yeah my goals early on were to get wildly rich and buy nice things but I was very young when I started it and I’ve been lucky to have had the opportunity to move slow and see things from different perspectives. So my outlook has changed some what over time.  I still want to do the same things but “be rich” in the ways of friendship and “nice things” more in the way of nice gestures and giving back is the vibe these days.
How’d you end up in Utah for this?
I grew up in Montana and basically me and my brother decided to make a split for the nearest big city. It was either Seattle or Salt Lake. I applied for a job at a ski resort in Park City. They hit me back pretty fast and like a week later we were in Salt lake looking for Apartments. Later transitioning into working retail at  skate shop and learning the ropes a little.
Salt Lake isn’t really seen as a “cool” or trendy city for the field you are working in. How did you come about to put the city on the map and why?
I felt like Salt Lake City was a underdog in the “cool city” category.  If you can create something here, you can probably do it anywhere. Also I had a lot of people telling me it’s a bad idea to do stuff here and I should be in LA or NY to do the things that I’m into or to get into a creative or fashion field. I don’t think that they were wrong, I just think that the internet and social media has somewhat become the equalizer in regards to your geographical location. Where you live maybe doesn’t matter as much as it did 20 years ago.
What are some of your appreciations in living in Salt Lake and the culture it has?
I like theirs an opportunity to be involved in the peak growth of a city. I feel like I missed LA, SF, Portland when they had their big growth spike with the dotcom boom etc., I feel like I’m watching Salt Lake have their moment but contributing in a way I guess. So that feels kind of cool.
Do you enjoy being in a place that is geographically more secluded into nature?
Yeah it’s weird. I love nature and seclusion but ironically I like being connected. I obtained most of what I know from the internet. I’m pretty lucky to live in a place and time where I can be outside in a beautiful outdoor setting and still have all the knowledge in the world at my fingertips. It’s crazy to think about.
How do you think things would have gone if you took Hathenbruck to a major city like LA?
I think about it often. I think it will happen. I’m just trying to figure out how Hathenbruck can add value the retail experience that is already happening there. So much cool stuff happening my fear is adding more of same. I’m working on it though. I think I got something.
How does living in a more vast and naturistic environment inspire your work and passion?
Im pretty impulsive, I’ll be like let’s go and shoot photos today for this Idea I have. I’ll get out there and be shocked about the beauty of the landscape. I’ll forget about the photoshoot and be like lets buy property and do a store here or this be a great spot for a movie scene or music video etc. and I’ll start chasing those ideas. Sometimes i’ll execute on them other times its just fun to explore them as therapy or as a form of discovery.
What has been some challenges for yourself in introducing your scene and culture to a new city?
I haven’t really done it yet to be honest. I also think it’s not really mine to claim. I think that most of the things I’ve been successful with doing have already existed and belonged to these kids. I just packaged and combined them different then some of the rest. I’m just happy to be apart of it all.
What are you doing when you’re not cooking up something creative?
I like music a lot. Not so much in a sense of collecting records or whatever but more so just drinking coffee and listening to it real loud.
What can we expect from you next?
I have this vision for vending machines and how they can be used for more than just convenience. I’m excited to share it with everyone this year.
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booksbroadwaybbc · 6 years
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I'm the biggest douchebag in the world and this is how I change via /r/selfimprovement
I'm the biggest douchebag in the world and this is how I change
Hi, my name is Sanya and I am King of the Douchebags.
I'm 18 and I'm a massive douchebag, heres why.
1) I was moved from a music school to an academic school yet I still ride for my music school dawgs and troll everyone else. Loyalty ran deep.
2) I've been trolling everyone on different levels since I was a kid because stupid people get trolled and smart people feel an obligation to not get trolled by trolling 😂 I use an iphone lol
3) I have no clue what my academic interests are, I know Im highly intelligent yet I don't apply it
4) Amazing girls wanted friendship and more with me but I was just a massive douche and I was a douche with girls who didn't care
5) I thought I peaked ages ago and forgot about uni
6) I intend to do everything I said in my previous post
7) I trigger people
8) I compulsively use social media and my tech to trigger and annoy people on different social media platforms and project a persona which I rationalise as everyone on fricking insta does the same
9) I'm obnoxiously confident and egotistical
10) Im self righteous
11) Im weak, do no gym or sports and Im a broke boi
12) My ambitions/including life are flimsy and delusional
13) I demonize my fellow students including their usage of social media and convince myself that they're 'out to get me'
14) I have potential for relationship's but I blow them up in the girls face
15) my ego was bigger then maths
16) my friendships are failed
17) i never practice the piano or do good habits
18) my personal hygene sucks
19) I literally make a girl wet as a waterfall and then make up reasons not to get laid, I prepare for top grades in my exams then purposefully fail . Im such a douchebag
20) I troll my parents .
I'll give some context. my friends mostly despise me I'm a loser on most levels Im an academic loser My parents are clinically depressed, have low functioning lifestyles, They find communication and interpersonal relationships tricky to say the least.
Reasoning/trigger points for my bad behaviour
1) using my tablet triggered by: compulsion to use twitter triggered by compulsion to write notes on Evernote and send them on private chats triggered by social anxiety triggered by social anxiety
2) im scared of posting on Instagram triggered by social anxiety
3) i make up reasons for people hating me triggered by social anxiety
4) behaviour at wbgs triggered by 1/2/3 not learning triggered by hatred triggered by jealousy triggered by lack of authority triggered by ignorance triggered by not learning negative loop . not respecting expertise
5) not talking with girls triggered by social anxiety not dating triggered by social anxiety not having sex triggered by logistical problems, lack of trust and confidence . 6) being a dick with girls triggered by lack of experience triggered by social anxiety . ditto with saying im sexually experienced
7) behaviour in form room triggered by social anxiety
8) current friendships via twitter triggered by mutually being awful people triggered by not growing triggered by social anxiety
9) behaviour at purcell triggered by desire to fit in triggered by social anxiety
10) behaviour at wbgs triggered by perceived need to be a badass space cowboy triggered by quotes of greatness triggered by seclusion triggered by social anxiety
11) exam failure triggered by mania triggered by social anxiety
12) fb accounts triggered by humour desire to fit in triggered by social anxiety
13) conversations lack of ability to communicate my current needs triggered by hatred of the cognitive functioning of everyone but me triggered by twitter triggered by social anxiety
14) latching onto trumps persona triggered by belief in my inner child triggered by faith triggered by experience triggered by social anxiety
15) dhillon dodhia conversations with me triggered by concern for me triggered by his perception of my health and my objective health triggered by his perception triggered by his perceived obligation to me
16) my blocks in musical performance triggered by perceived need to play the most difficult chords triggered by desire to 'win' triggered by social anxiety
17) Benedicts assessment of me triggered by carnage triggered by twitter triggered by social anxiety
18) content on twitter/Instagram triggered by inner child/culture reinforcement triggered by perceived greatness triggered by
19) twitter relationships triggered by anger/perceived superiority triggered by social anxiety
20) fathers communication triggered by perceived need triggered by social anxiety
21) mothers communication triggered by anxiety triggered by depression
22) ilusha episode triggered by sexual deprivation triggered by porn triggered by horniness
23) kits opinion on me triggered by knowledge triggered by desire to understand . 24) ditto with all at wbgs/past
25) lucas action against me triggered by perceived need that im fucked . triggered by a hunch triggered by need to be relevant (desire to fit in) triggered by social anxiety
Submitted September 17, 2018 at 11:44PM by dopamineway via reddit https://ift.tt/2NSuaGm
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