#i started this post because ''may it be'' came up on my playlist but now i think i'm going to start my nth rewatch of the trilogy | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

in1-nutshell · 4 months

Note

Hello! I am SOO sorry that I have been cramping you with asks, so feel as free as you can be to push this one alll the way back, or deny it, I am not desperate at all. I just want to type this before I forget this. So after the Megatron with a daughter who was his opposite post, I, too, am in love with this opposite personality daughter series. Like just all of our favourite men as fathers of daughters with individual personalities of themselves but also more or less all resonated their fathers one way or another, or someone they knew! I LOVE IT! And I realized how this formed a perfect trilogy now.

So I am real curious. What if the three daughters exist in the same universe? And, may or may not interact? (would we need individual names for them all? Or Buddy 1 and 2 and 3 like Spider-Man: No Way Home and no one questions it?)

Hello!

I've actually been thinking about continuing the 'daughter with different personality' thing. Maybe in the future you'll see more!

Originally the plan was to have all the Buddy's to be in the same universe, but I ended up scrapping the idea and decided to create separate universes for each one (unless the plot tells me otherwise :))

When I saw the Spiderman part my mind went to this.

(Who knows for the future)

Hope you enjoy!

Optimus Prime, Ratchet, and Megatron's daughters meeting each other for the first time.

SFW, Platonic, Familial, groundbridge and relic shenanigans, Cybertronain reader

TFP

In TFP Rats universe.

Buddy was just minding her own business cleaning and wiping down her father’s tools.

It’s a nice day on base.

There was low Decepticon activity for the past few days, the children were playing their games, Bulkhead and Smokescreen were trying to get Bumblebee and Arcee to play Lob with them, Ultra Magnus and Optimus were reviewing plans for something, and her father, Ratchet, was with Wheeljack looking at a new relic they found in the Artic.

“It’s not another scraplet trap, right?”--Raf

“Nope! Completely checked it with the scanner. We should be good now.”--Buddy

“We ‘should’ be good?”--Bulkhead

“There is always a percentage of things blowing up, I’m not counting that out.”--Buddy

Without warning, the relic whirled to life jumping and shaking onto the floor.

Everyone jumped and backed away from the whirling sound it made. Bright light came out of it as the shaking intensified. The noise was loud enough to get everyone to come to the main room.

The machine scanned the closest bot, Buddy, and opened a portal, shooting out tons of air.

The children nearly flew back, but thanks to Ultra Magnus and Optimus, they were caught before they flew off the ledge.

“Hey Ratchet! What’s it doing?!”--Bulkhead

“Oh, it’s putting on a rock concert. OBVIOUSLY, I DON’T KNOW!”--Ratchet

Machine whirls louder.

“Buddy! Hide behind the med slab!”--Wheeljack

Buddy already behind the slab, clutching onto dear life.

“With all due respect, WHAT DO YOU THINK I’M DOING?!”--Buddy

Meanwhile in megs dimension

Buddy calmly walking down the halls of the Nemesis with some data pads.

“Hmm… wonder why they need so many data pads…”--Buddy

Sudden portal pops up on the wall next to them.

“What in the—”--Buddy

Portal starts sucking her in.

“AHHH—”--Buddy

Portal sucks Buddy in leaving the discarded data pads sprawled in the middle of the hallway.

In op dimension

Buddy is resting her arm on the handrail while talking with Miko.

“How’s the playlist going?”--Miko

“Haven’t been working too much on it. Patrol has been up my tailpipe lately. Do you have any more recommendations?”--Buddy

“Yeah! How about—”—Miko

A sudden portal opens.

“Umm, I don’t remember Ratchet opening up a groundbridge.”--Miko

Buddy grabbing a grenade from her subspace.

“That’s because he hasn’t!”--Buddy

Buddy chucks a grenade at the portal.

BAM!

Nothing happens to the portal.

“What!”—Miko and Buddy

The portal starts sucking them in.

Buddy grabs Miko as she starts to get dragged in, pounds a hole in the ledge and places her in there.

“Buddy? Buddy what are you—”--Miko

Buddy groans as she tries to keep her footing but gets sucked in and the portal closes.

“BUDDY!”--Miko

In Rats dimension

Two figures pop out of the portal and slam into Ratchet’s daughter.

The portal closes.

The two figures groaned.

Op Buddy sits up rubbing her helm.

Meg Buddy sliding off the med slab and onto the floor on her back.

“Urgh… my aching helm…”—Megs Buddy

Rat Buddy gently massaging her helm before looking at the two strangers.

“Who are you?”—Rat Buddy

Op Buddy looks at the others.

“Who are you?!”—Op Buddy

Meg Buddy looking at all the Autobots in the area.

“WHERE AM I?!”—Meg Buddy

Optimus carefully approaches the younglings.

Megs Buddy quickly moves back while the other two just stare widely.

“Buddy—”--Optimus

“Yes?”—All Buddy’s

All Buddy’s turn around and point at each other.

“Your name is Buddy! I’m Buddy!”—All Buddy’s

Meg Buddy standing up pacing a bit.

“Maybe this is some alternate universe…I always thought something like this was possible from what he said… It’s the only logical explanation for this…”—Megs Buddy

“That seems to check out. Which explains why Dad hasn’t started giving me the ‘speech’ again.”—Op Buddy

“Dad?”--Kids

“… Oh, this is going to be fun.”—Op Buddy

“This is not going to be fun…”—Meg Buddy

Everyone is confused.

Come to find the relic would scan someone and find ‘alternatives’ of them. It could mean alternative of the bot or by their names.

To avoid confusion the Buddy’s are labeled.

Op’s Buddy would be known as Buddy 1.

Rats Buddy would be known as Buddy 2.

Megs Buddy would be known as Buddy 3.

“How come she’s Buddy 1? Why not our Buddy? She was hear before you guys showed up.”--Miko

“Cause I’m older and cooler.”—Buddy 1

“Yeah right.”--Miko

“Don’t believe me Miko? Watch this.”—Buddy 1

Buddy 1 transforms into a monster truck.

“I take it back! That’s so cool! Can I ride you!?”--Miko

“Of course!”—Buddy 1

“Miko no!”--Bulkhead

“Miko yes!”--Miko

“Then why is our Buddy number two?”--Raf

“Because I’m the second oldest. Three is the youngest one here.”—Buddy 2

“Guess it makes sense. You she is kind a smaller than you two.”--Jack

“Hey! I’m a minicon! Of course, I’m smaller than everyone here!”—Buddy 3

“You’re a minicon?”--Arcee

Buddy 3 shrinks back a bit at Arcee’s gaze nodding.

Buddy 1 made the Team guess who her father was, bets were on the table and ready to be thrown. Buddy 1 managed to get Buddy 3 to get in on the guessing part. Buddy 3 guaranteed that no one would guess her creator.

A part of her didn’t want them to know either.

“All right we are ready.”--Miko

“Wow so soon?”—Buddy 3

“Too soon if you asked me.”—Buddy 1

“We’ve narrowed down three bots for each. If we win, 1 needs to take me out dune bashing in her alt mode.”--Miko

“Miko!”--Bulkhead

“I can stand by that.”—Buddy 1

“And if you don’t guess right?”—Buddy 2

“You’ll have to tell us.”--Miko

“…”—Buddy 3

“Lets get started!”--Miko

“Okay these ones are for Buddy 1.”--Smokescreen

“Got it, lets hear them.”—Buddy 1

“First one… Wheeljack!”--Miko

Buddy 1 laughing at the response.

“HAHAHAHA, Sorry, its just, just that Jackie here is more like my Uncle. Definitely not my dad.”—Buddy 1

“All righty then… Bulkhead!”--Miko

Buddy starts laughing at that one too.

“Nope! Bulks also like my Uncle!”—Buddy 1

“The last one… Smokescreen!”—Miko

Buddy is now on the floor laughing her tanks and near crying.

“…I’ll take that as a no then…”--Raf

Buddy finally stops laughing.

“You lose.”—Buddy 1

“Got that. Now spill it! Who’s your Dad?!”--Miko

Buddy stands up rather stoically.

“One shall stand, one shall fall.”—Buddy 1

Everyone stares at Optimus, who looks equally as surprised.

“Your—your Boss Bots kid!? How!?”--Miko

“A question everyone has been asking since we met.”—Buddy 1

Miko turns to Buddy 3.

She hoped that they would have forgotten her, but alas here she was.

“Your turn!”--Miko

Buddy 3 nervously sits next to Prime and Ratchet

“First one… Arcee!”--Miko

Buddy 3 looking terrified.

“NO! I mean no.”--Buddy 3

“How about… Ultra Magnus!”--Miko

Buddy shakes her helm while looking at Magnus.

“Sorry try again.”—Buddy 3

“Okay… Optimus!”--Miko

Buddy 1 looks at Buddy 3.

“Are we siblings!?”—Buddy 1

“I mean aren’t we all in a way?”—Buddy 3

“Buddy.”--Ratchet

“Sorry, the answer is no.”—Buddy 3

“Dang it!”--Miko

“Then who is your Dad?”--Raf

“…Megatron…”—Buddy 3

“…”—Everyone

“HOW!”--Jack

Buddy shrinks back at the sudden movements.

Buddy 1 and Buddy 2 immediately stand by Buddy 3

“Hold it now. Just because 3 dad is Bucket head, no offense.”—Buddy 1

“None taken.”—Buddy 3

“Doesn’t mean she’s bad. Right?”—Buddy 2

“No, no I’m not.”—Buddy 3

“Really and how can you prove it?”--Arcee

“Arcee—”—Buddy 2

“Well think about this. If I was truly bad, why haven’t I hurt you.”—Buddy 3

“Because your short?”--Smokescreen

“… Okay that one’s asking for it… but beside the point, I could have easily hurt the kids, yet I haven’t. I could have attacked or given any other hint that I had malicious intentions. But I haven’t, have I?”—Buddy 3

Pause

“I stand by 3.”—Buddy 1

“And I stand with 1 and 3.”—Buddy 2

“I will stand by her as well.”--Optimus

“Prime!”—Most of the team

“Prime?”—Buddy 3

“She is our guest and so is 1. We must treat them with the respect they deserve.”--Optimus

“…Thank you Prime.”—Buddy 3

After the confrontation a little more research is done on the machine.

Thanks to Buddy 3’s expert decoding skills, she was able to read the full effects of the machine as well as how to reverse it.

The good news was that the effects were reversable.

The bad news was that the machine needed time to recuperate before usage again.

The Buddy’s decided to kill time by hanging out with each other and the team in the meantime.

Aka shenanigan time.

1 tries to start a conversation with her alternate family especially with Prime.

She is curious to see if there are any differences between her father and her alternative father.

“You always did have a thing for the Halls, didn’t you?”—Buddy 1

“The Halls of Iacon was where I worked.”--Optimus

“You mean, where Orion worked.”—Buddy 1

“…Yes.”--Optimus

“Sorry, but I see Orion and Optimus as two separate bots sometimes.”—Buddy 1

“It is understandable.”--Optimus

3 tended to stay with 2 for the most part.

2 was a soft soul and was quiet for the most part.

2 did entertain 3 with the occasional story here and there.

Buddy 2 and 3 talking to each other near the med bay.

“What do you think they’re talking about?”--Smokescreen

“Beep boop bep bop boop. (Probably about medical stuff.)”--Bumblebee

“Yeah, probably.”--Smokescreen

“So, then Arcee raised her blasters at the wannabe Cybertronians and started blasting.”—Buddy 2

Buddy 3 listening intently.

1 likes to place 2 and 3 on her shoulders.

1 being the tallest and bulkiest of the Buddy’s could support the weight, not that they did weigh anything to her.

The other two Buddy’s liked feeling tall.

“Hey! Hey! Look at this!”—Buddy 1

Buddy 1 supporting Buddy 2 on her shoulders while Buddy 3 was on top.

“We are Buddy Supreme!”—Buddy 2

Buddy 1 has a bright smile on her face.

Buddy 2 has a wobbly smile trying not to laugh while carrying 3.

Buddy 3 is just staring in amazement.

“So, this is what it’s like to be tall… this is nice.”—Buddy 3

Soon it was time for them to leave.

3 really doesn’t want to leave her new friends behind.

She certainly doesn’t want to go back to the dark halls of the Nemesis.

But this pleasant experience was soon to be the spark to ignite the flame for peace between the two fractions again.

She was going to do everything she could to end this war with peace.

Whether Megatron liked it or not.

“It was lovely seeing you all and knowing there are alternative versions of myself out there. I hope we meet again on much pleasanter terms in the future.”—Buddy 3

“Same goes to you 3!”—Buddy 1 and 2

Buddy 3 walks through the portal.

A flash of purple shines before returning to its natural color.

“It’s your turn kid—”--Wheeljack

“SEE YA!”—Buddy 1

Buddy 1 back flips into the portal before a flash of blue shines.

The portal turns off and all is still.

“…Well, wasn’t that an eventful Wednesday afternoon?”—Buddy

In megs universe

Buddy bounces off the wall of the Nemesis.

Literally.

“For once I’d wish for a smooth landing…”--Buddy

“Buddy.”--Soundwave

Buddy looks up to see Soundwave.

Buddy waves.

“Hey Soundwave.”--Buddy

Soundwave starts walking forward.

“Sorry about the data pads—”--Buddy

Soundwave is in front of Buddy.

“I swear I meant to go straight to the room when—”--Buddy

Soundwave gets down on his knees and pulls Buddy in a tight hug.

Buddy freezes for a moment before hugging back.

None say anything, just holding onto each other in one of the empty halls of the Nemesis.

In op universe

Buddy gets thrown at Bumblebee and Smokescreen.

“OW!”--Buddy

“BEEP! (BUDDY!)”--Bumblebee

“BUDDY!”--Smokescreen

Both bots hugging Buddy’s sides tightly.

“We heard from Miko that you go sucked into some groundbridge or something!”--Smokescreen

Buddy patting both bots helms.

Bumblebee digs his helm further in Buddy’s neck cables whirling in concern and relief.

“Boy, do I have a story to tell you guys. But let’s wait till everyone gets here, I can’t wait to see Doc bot’s reaction to his daughter.”--Buddy

“HIS WHAT!?”—Smokescreen and Bumblebee

“MY WHAT!”--Ratchet

#transformers x reader #maccadam #bot buddy #tfp #tfp x reader #tfp x platonic reader #tfp optimus prime #tfp ratchet #tfp megatron #bot buddy crossover

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cherubispunk · 2 months

Text

NEPHILIM: THE FALLEN - Jackson-era!Joel Miller x AFAB!Reader

summary: fallen or damned? who's to tell when it's joel miller?

a note from Lucy: DONT HATE ME I KNOW ITS BEEN A LONG TIME!! Not entirely happy with this but it's been sitting in my docs for months now and i had to get it out there to give me some peace of mind so please be aware it may well be riddle with grammatical mistakes and typos galore. as always like, comment and reblog to save a sinners sanity!

playlist | moodboard + poem

wc: 2755

Warnings: 18+ MDNI DARK CONTENT! Jackson era!post outbreak!Joel, no use of y/n, reader is referred to as ‘Bambi’, verbally constipated Joel Miller, brief gore descriptions, heavy religious imagery and references to the bible, biblical lore, yearning, idiots in love, angst angst angst!!!!!!, bombastic age gap!!! yahhhhh! (reader is in her 20’s/ Joel is in his late 50’s), smut, oral sex (m! receiving), rough oral sex, possessive!joel, dom!joel/sub!reader dynamic, you know the drill with my writing, there’s probably some form of cannibalism as a metaphor, or brutal violence as a metaphor, religious imagery as a metaphor, etc. (aka, fancy word vomit) - Lucy crying over a bloody google doc :)

series masterlist | m.list

Ephesians 2:3 Among them we too all formerly lived in the lusts of our flesh, indulging the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, even as the rest.

The sky was bruised. It was like God– or whatever resided up there– knew. The grey clouds, and the garish yellow of the setting sun, and the deep blue that ebbed into purple…they all knew. Your heart ached too. Bruised. It seemed to crack a little more each day. What started as nothing more than a hairline fracture had split into a gaping, weeping slice. Why? Because Joel was always quiet. For such a large man he had a ghostly habit of creeping into a room without notice. Creeping into your heart too through your hollow ribs. You could feel him behind you now though. His breath thick on the nape of your neck and it cooled the thin sheen of sweat on your skin. Soothed your burning flesh while saving it from the inferno. The tension became bearable. These little spaces of empty matter between all else. That slight awkwardness about his usual stoic yet confident demeanour…it was endearing now.

You were easing into the silence, content with watching the bruise darken from purple to midnight blue. The sky would turn on its bright little stars, and the moon would slice through sapphire as the early evening aged. The sun was going to rest now, the greying moon taking its post to watch over the town. You should follow the sun’s direction. Close your eyes so as to not have to witness his all too soon departure.

His fingers, so gentle, so strong, gently traced the curve and divot of your hip under the covers. It was strange to think just moments prior they had been inside you. Making you feel boneless in bed.

“Bambi?” He asked, tentative and uncharacteristically uncertain. He loathed it; the change in him.

“Mhm?” You hummed lazily, your hands tucked under the pillow to keep them warm, knees curled up to your chest. But no answer nor following question came. You knew what it was. He was cramming something back down his throat before he had the chance to say it for fear of being out of line. One day it shall choke him blue. He was strung so tightly. Tension in his shoulders that made them rise uncomfortably. And you noticed this when you turned to face him. Neither of you spoke for a moment, as if you were fooling yourself into believing he might continue. Your heart cracked a little more when he turned to face the wall,

“Never mind. It’s nothin’.” He had no reason to be weary of you. However in the past few weeks, coming up to a month, there was subtle, almost imperceptible unease that lingered. And festered. Palpable. Tangible. You could feel it when you reached out to touch his skin. So warm and gorgeous. Golden like ichor in this setting sunlight. You dared to press your lips to the wing of a shoulder blade, skin mangled with scar tissue where you liked to imagine wings once resided, and felt him flinch under your featherlight kiss. “Don’t, Bambi.”

“Joel-“

“I said: No.” His voice was firm, and didn’t give much leeway for convincing. “It’s not somethin’ you know how to fix.” But you were stubborn now. You’d found your feet. You stood your ground more, imitated behaviour. Before he could turn away again you reached to right him, set him flat on his back upon the mattress and splay your hand over his soft stomach under the covers. His throat tightened when your hand ventured timidly south. Then his breath tangled in his throat when it wrapped loosely around his half hard cock. Gently stroking it until it stood to attention in your palm. “Let me help…the way I know how.” You whispered into his ear, running your tongue under his earlobe to bring it between your teeth. Voice like honey, so sweet, and smooth, and slow pouring enough to get stuck in. Jesus Fucking Christ, he hated himself for even entertaining the idea of letting you do this for him. For being the one to help you find your feet. For being the man who tarnished innocence. It seemed all he did these days was ruin what little good there was left in the world. He’d taken an entire inkpot to a pristine sheet of paper, splattered black all over it without a care in the world until now. He felt like the space between you was stygian and reeked of his own sin. It simmered and spat and writhed and any moment now I would boil over the second you came to terms with the fact you were too good for him.

His nostrils flared with the thought but with a twist of your wrist he melted. Because at the base of it all, the very depth of his humanity, he was a selfish, selfish man. You watched a swallow pass down the thick column of his throat and rested your head on his shoulder while your hand dragged up his thick, full shaft, thumb smearing a bead of precome over the delicate flushed skin of its head. Joel watched the ceiling and wallowed in pathetic self pity as you kissed your way down his navel, lips moving in a mumbling of words he couldn't quite hear. He let out a breathy moan when you wrapped your lips around the tip, pressing your tongue flat to the underside to let the taste seep onto your tongue. He then closed his eyes trying to imagine anyone other than you between his legs. Another mouth. Another tongue. Someone else's voice.

It was no use because it seemed your eyes, the shade, the shape, were printed to the back of his lids. He gave up. He was too old to try to partake in sisyphean tasks.

Joel sat up and you moved between his legs as he threw the covers off to watch you. His back to the headboard, your warm mouth inviting him deeper, he hesitated to press a hand to the crown of your head, but when you pulled off to lick a flat tongued strip from base to tip, he found himself taking a fist of your hair and righting you over the head completely, pushing down so he slipped into your mouth. Muscle memory had the twitch of a smirk forming at the corner of his lips. The sight of you was enough to have his hips begging to buck, chasing the back of your throat, attempting to find that reaction again.

What you couldn't take of him you wrapped loosely in one hand and the other cupped his balls, adding the slightest pressure that had a dirty cuss passing his chapped lips. Deep inhales billowed in his nose, nostrils flared slightly as he dragged your open, salivating mouth up and down on his length. What he would never understand is how much you hungered for this every time. There was a pain in wanting him like no other, and a reward this great sowed the seed of pleading. You didn’t mind yearning for him because, to you, being hungry was quite a satisfying feeling. It feels nice to want something. To yearn. To have a purpose. You imagined he felt quite the same with the way he could hardly keep his hands from your cunt or your mouth when you passed his front door’s threshold.

“Look at me, Bambi.” He grunted, and your eyes fluttered slightly before the hue of them locked on his through your tear clumped lashes. “I’d like this mouth a whole lot more if it didn’t say such pretty things to me.” He almost lamented, and you felt a tug at your heartstrings. “Makin’ a man hope again.”

Joel sighed, eyes closing for the briefest second. His large hand was still pushing your head with the gentlest of force back down, then his fingers gripped at your hair, dragging you again so the warm, silken touch of your lips and tongue made the fire in his belly start to burn. It was aching, and deep rooted, and had a slow simmer to it. One he begged to hurry along. Joel wanted nothing more than his release so he could set you free again. Set the bird free of its cage. So he threw caution to the wind, and soon you felt the tip of his thick cock reach the back of your mouth again, your throat constricting. “Why won’t you hate me, huh Bambi? What did I do to deserve this?” He asked. If you knew no better you’d have thought his tone implied he hated it. His teeth gritted, words seethed between them. He spat it out in a way that made him seem unworthy of your attention— or the very taste of the thought disgusted him and made his stomach pull up in a wretch. Joel bit down so violently on nothing he swore his molars might turn to dust and clag in spit with the way he was salivating over the sight of you; Puffy lips, bloodshot watering eyes, messy hair. Bent over him and sucking on his cock like it was your only goddamned purpose in life.

You wanted to reply, splutter out the words, but he silenced you. The tip of his cock brushing the back of your throat, and causing your stomach to recoil, tensing as you gagged. Retching slightly as he grimaced at the sound. “You know I can’t love y–” he stopped mid sentence as the ache bloomed into a deep burn. You were oh so grateful because it meant you wouldn’t have to hear what you yearned not to. What you buried deep beneath your stomach and above your diaphragm— that slow, blooming ache. The feeling would never see the light of day. You’d rather die than come to terms with the fact that Joel would not be yours. He belonged to the world. The mass of nature that befell you. That which kept you human and incompetent. He was large, untamable, and oh so delectable in all ways other than matters of love. Joel Miller could not love you.

“Fuck- gonna come, Bambi.” He choked out, head falling back. You looked up at the sight of him through your lashes, lips parted, his brows creased gently in the space between them. Just as you yearned for him to love you, you yearned to be destroyed by him. Coated in him, broken down to pieces by him. Joel Miller could quite literally break you in half, then half again, and again— to the point where nothing was discernible— and you'd get on your knees to thank him for it all. Maybe loving him and being destroyed by him were two in the same?

In the months you’d known him you’d grown to learn that this was as close to a purpose as you’d get. The world robbed you of one, so you searched for it. Selfish enough to keep digging to find one. Only it had no purpose. It has a pattern now, and patterns trick and deceive people into believing in divine intervention. Joel was your divine right. Your purpose. That was what you believed. What you thought about each night. What you thought about now as you took his cock down to the base, the head of him brushing the back of your throat and folds soaked– drenched in the essence of your own arousal. All of which was emphasised by the ache you felt between your thighs that ebbed a little deeper with wanting. A ghost of the pleasure you felt when he was inside you. You entertained it with two fingers slipping between your thighs, teasing your clit. “God— Bambi…” He groaned, eyes rolling back in his head as he let go. Hot ropes of his release flooding your mouth with their heady, salty taste.

You pulled off his shaft, now wet and slick in your own saliva, swallowing a mouthful of his release. His eyes never left you, honing in on the ripple of your delicate throat as you swallowed his come down. Joel couldn't help but hook a thumb into your mouth to unhinge your jaw— to see if anything was left. Nothing was. There never was. Like him, you were too selfish to leave anything.

He should have known better. You never disappoint. “Bambi, you’re too damn good for me.” he panted, skin sweat slick and flushed.

“I promise I'm not.” you whispered to the skin of his lips before he wrapped a large, steadying hand around your arm and pulled you up to his chest. His face met yours and when you looked into those hickory eyes you could have melted on the spot; For the hue of them was nothing like you'd ever seen before, and could command nations to their knees. And if not nations then it could certainly do so to you. “I’m just as damaged as you.`’

The words had his gut in knots because they were akin to holding up a mirror to his visage. And holding his head in place. Holding it still so he was forced to look himself in the eyes and reflect. Reflecting on the monster he’d become. The monster he would always be.

“I’m not asking you to love me, Joel.” You spoke, your voice quiet, slight and timid. Uncertain of his reaction. The way your eyes met his was proof of that. Wide like a foal, wide enough to register the unjust curl of a lip. “ I’m just asking you to stay…”

The words had been burning the tip of your tongue red raw. Each night as he lay beside you, the same questions— words made up of nothing but consonants that had a profound effect on you– would hardly let you rest in his arms. They tortured you instead; Mocked you. It was the equivalent of hanging. You could feel the ghost of a noose around your neck. It might as well have been His hands. It was as rough as them after all.

What is wrong with you? What is so repulsive about you that warrants his departure? Was it the curve of your hips– their dips? Or even the bump on your nose– how dare it not have the perfect influxing curve! The slant of your eyes? The jagged stretch marks on the inside of your thighs! Not only had they the nerve to exist in their silver, shining mockery, posing as a diamond, but they had the fucking nerve to sit where others could see. Fuck them entirely and their very existance. Were those very thighs plump enough? Too plump? Why was there no gap between? Was there too much of a sag to your breasts? The colour of your nipples– why did they have to be that colour? Were the lines on your forehead marring your skin? What on you– about you– detested him? Because if you knew you'd cut it off. You'd change it. You take a knife to your nose and cut it off even if it was just to spite your own face. Now, laying here with him, you wish to be anyone but yourself. Yourself was the woman that disgusted you. It would always be the woman that disgusted you if he didn’t fall in love.

“That's jus’ the thing, Bambi.” He sighed, his mouth moving in a slow hushed mumble. His wind chapped, weathered lips grazed the shell of your ear, “I already do.” Followed by silence, and then: “An’ I ain’t no good at it, I’m afraid.”

That was the problem. Joel thought it had to be a life lived in an entirety of carolling laughter for you. A warm, joyous time. The kind of peace the world seldom granted anyone anymore. Not bound to him by the twine of his selfish nature. In the wrong man’s bed. If the world had told him anything before it was that he deserved to be alone. First Sarah. Then Tess. Ellie too. It was only a matter of time before you left too. He had no clue that what you wanted was just to be held. To be kept. He didn’t have to carve out a hole in himself to accommodate you. Nor give an arm or a limb. He just had to stay. Exactly where he was now. Exactly as he is. But selfish men believe in selfish things. And Joel Miller was a selfish man.

Maybe he wasn't. Humans are, after all, selfish creatures. If we are innately selfish does that make us selfish, or just human. Regardless– Joel was selfish. Yes. But more importantly: He was the damned, the scrutinised, the beggar. All of the above.

Joel Miller was, and forever will be, the fallen.

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kanmom51 · 9 months

Text

JM live 1 September 2023 20:54 or 8:54 pm KST

And a little bit about JK's same day live as well.

Part 1

Cr./The creators of the media used in this post.

So we got a live from JK at the start of the day. 12:55 am or 00:55 KST, and from JM in the evening, at 20:55 or 8:54 pm KST.

One opening the days birthday celebrations (or was he?) and the other closing them (in a sense).

Do we have numbers working for the two?

Let's see.

JK's live:

Super easy. Add the 1+2+5+5=13. Then add 0+0+5+5=10.

What?

13/10.

So we get JK's special day with JM's special day. How sweet.

JM's live: Add the 2+0+5+4=11. Then add the 8+5+4=17 and down to a single digit: 1+7=8.

Guess what we get.

8/11

And if you want just a little bit more utilize the date:

1/9/23

1+9+2+3=15

and Ta-dah...

8/11/15

Oh, and if it's numbers we are talking about, and if anyone has any kind of doubt that numbers mean so so much to JM and JK, well here's another little doozy.

JM's watch. Yes, the tens of thousands of dollars worth watch he was wearing during the live.

*Screenshot taken at 3:20 min. mark.

It's a little hard to see, but the time on his watch looks to be around the 3:27 mark.

I want to remind you that JM started his live at 8:54 pm KST. JM has been in SK for months and you would think his watch would be set to KST, no?

Screen shot at 8:24 min.

Screenshot of watch at 32:56 min. mark.

Deduct the live time stamp at every one of those given moments from the time on the watch and you will go back to 3:23/4.

Why, you may ask, am I making such a big deal about this?

Well, my dear friends, this is why:

JK's time of birth tattoo, just to remind you.

JK's time of birth being 3:23-24.

Did JM set his watch to start the live at 3:23-24? JK's birth time?

Wait, but that's not the end of it.

Because JM's watch is also of significance.

Launched in 1997.

What in the effing hell?

Like, if you have another explanation please do explain!!!

Watch not working? Nope, it is, time counting as the live goes on, all from the 3:23 mark.

Coincidence? Again? That his watch happens to be set at JK's birth time, and it also, by chance, being one launched same year JK was born? JK, who's birthday happens to be on that specific day? The person who JM tells us to wish happy birthday and that it's a "wonderful day"?

Please don't continue to say this is all a coincidence. Setting your watch to a time that happens to be JK's birth time, something we have been told in the past, something that JK tattooed on his own body, hence being of significance to him, and most obviously of significance to JM as well.

JM and JK might not be saying the words out loud, but shit, they sure are being as loud as hell about what they are to each other!!!

Ok, so I mentioned in passing JK's live. His almost 9 minute live. His totally out of character shorter than short live, even more so when we are talking about a birthday live. No cake. No candles. No playlist (he told us this was just the music that he left on when he left earlier and it's still playing). No patience, lol. He came, he said hi, he told us he was out with friends he was practicing with (wonder if the reason he came live is to explain who with and why he was out and about...), said he's suffering from insomnia and he has to sleep. Did a card trick...MAGIC... Lol, and ducked. Like even his goodbye was super super short. Now, you could say he had a tight schedule, which he does, and that he has to sleep, which he does. But JK was definitley not on his way to bed when he was doing that live, nor shortly after. He was happy and super hyped, and in NO WAY shape or form about to go to bed at that point.

We need to remember that when they say they have a schedule, it's not a 9 to 5 job. Many a times their days start at noon and later and they keep on working into the early hours of the morning. That is the nature of their work. So having a tight schedule doesn't necessarily mean he has to be up at 7 or 8 am and off to the company or wherever he needs to be in the morning.

You could claim he was excited because it was his birthday, and perhaps you would be right. But if it was the end of his night, then excited what for? Bed? Where he struggles to fall asleep? Nah, I don't think so.

So yeah, I think you know where I'm going with this.

Only that this time we didn't get a photo because there was no one around to buffer.

2019 JM flies back to Seoul to celebrate JK's birthday with him. 2020 JM was with JK on his birthday eve. 2021 we don't know, they didn't tell us, we got a selfie the next day in the safety of the company - not the two together alone at JK's or JM's. 2022 JM was also with JK on his birthday eve. We got to see and hear about it just after JK's birthday, and we had Jhope there as a buffer. Why buffer? So that god forbid they aren't spending his birthday eve alone at his place, especially if it's happening year after year after year, cause you know, people would say it means nothing but at the same time it means everything.

I'm going to say it out loud, and shoot me (not literally) if you wish, but this is a hill I am willing to die on. JK wrote his birthday message and very possibly was not planning to go live that night. Perhaps he did come live because of the photos that came out of him with the fans and the info about him being out and about that night. But for whatever reason JK did go live that night it was always going to be short and sweet. And I do believe that is because he had something else planned which is not going to sleep.

I do believe whatever he had planned was with JM. Period. That's what JK was anticipating, that's what he was excited and happy for, that's why he came for a couple of secs and jolted off.

And for those that are already running to the comments screaming "but JM said he only spoke with JK the day before his birthday to wish him happy birthday" I say: hold your horses, I will most definitley get to it and explain to y'all exactly how JM did not say that by no means. Take a breath, be patient, read on, you'll see why JM said no such thing.

The two of the men having the live the same day.

It kind of felt weird that of all days JM goes live on JK's birthday. Well, maybe weird isn't the right word, but curious is more fitting.

JM wanted to come live for some time now. He says that. But then why, of all days, choose this one?

JM himself tells us he wasn't planning to go live from home that day (while on his way to fetch the mood lamp to show us).

Both lives feel unplanned, rushed and unprepared. There. I said it.

Did either of them even plan to do these lives? Or, perhaps they were a consequence of circumstances? JK wanting to clarify his outing (knowing how this fandom rolls). And JM... why JM? Well, maybe there was actually a birthday live planned? Could that be? One at the company? Us finally getting a Jikook live? Or even just a proper JK live at the company with a cake and all? But JK's schedule ran later than expected maybe? Hence one boyfie coming to the rescue and going live in his stead?

All of the above is questions, queries, possible explanations as to why JM decided to go live from home on JK's birthday, even though he himself tells us this was not the plan. I don't have the answer to these questions, but it definitley does have me wondering.

Will continue this discussion with regards to JM later on in my post.

Let's get to talking about JM's live. Starting by his opening pic.

I have to tell you that first thought I had when seeing the photo was "is that JK?". The frame wasn't right, but the outfit most definitely was, lol.

And guess what?

He's wearing pants for the boys new favourite brand. I guess JM's the one wearing the pants in the house, lol. But then, are they his? They do seem a little on the bigger size.

So, first 17 minutes or so to the live JM talks a bit about not coming live for a while and how he wanted and yet didn't because he's been going through a bit of a personal journey. Not doing well enough in his March promotions, in his mind, had him frustrated and unhappy with himself. Him wanting to restart rather than fix what he feels might be lacking. Kind of resetting himself per say as an artist? In any case he's been doing a lot of introspection. I guess I've mentioned that already, lol. The feeling I got from what he was telling us is that he himself didn't know how to explain what he wanted to tell us. His words not thoroughly thought out, perhaps another sign as to him going live unprepared and before properly thinking out what he wanted to tell us.

JM talks about being at the Dior event. Being nervous and awkward. Also wanting to thank fans that came to see him.

JM is asked multiple times about his hands. Oh my, those hands.

And when I say multiple times, I mean MULTIPLE times, lol. And JM keeps reading those comments and keeps answering again and again and again that it's a scrape from him working out, doesn't hurt, not to worry. At one point, after he is talking about JK's birthday, telling us it's a wonderful day, lovely smile on his face, and asked yet again, he 'bites back' (if you can call if bite back, lol), telling the commenter to look for it later (as in go watch the live from the start when it's over and they will find out).

Is this the right time to discuss JM talking about JK's birthday?

I think it is.

At around the 18 minute stamp time this goes down:

He says Jungkookie, btw.

From the moment he said JK is very busy (he looks at the camera) and up to this point, when he talks about JK's health, not once does JM look at the camera. His eyes were all over the place. And that includes not looking at the camera when he said "I talked to him on the telephone yesterday too".

Remember this?

@dgtn brought this to my attention. JM's eye movement in this part of the live reminds of his eye movement while thinking just before he goes for the kill with JK and the "did you answer them".

Here's JM talking about Jungkookie's birthday. Look at his eyes.

(But that smile at the end...)

JM was definitely deep in thought as to what to say, how to word what he wanted to say for JK's birthday.

Several things to note.

Where to start?

I guess I'll start from the obvious.

People jumping on the wagon: "JM didn't see JK on his birthday. He said so. He said he talked to him yesterday...(to wish him happy birthday?)".

Me, I'm calling the bull.

And I will explain it to you too (foreshadowing).

JM, as usual, is very precise how he words what he wants to say.

His words in this instance:

He mentions JK's birthday today, tells us he's very busy and then says "I talked to him on the phone yesterday too..." and back to "he's really busy..."

"I talked to him on the phone yesterday too..."

Let's take this apart, why don't we?

JM spoke with JK on the phone.

The conversation happened yesterday.

What did they talk about? He doesn't tell us. But mentioning JK being busy before he talks about the phone call and after he talks about the phone call. It feels like this is what he is telling us they spoke about.

So far so good, right?

And then we have two words/things said/or not said that are EVERYTHING here.

One word that he says, the other something that is not said and, at least to me, is super loud and super important and was omitted purposefully.

First word is "too".

I talked to him yesterday too...

TOO.

Leaving the context of the sentence open to interpretation.

Could be any of these:

I talked to him yesterday too just like I speak to him every day?

I talked to him yesterday too because I spoke to him today as well?

I talked to him yesterday too because I was also seeing him later on as well to celebrate his birthday with him?

As for what was missing, well to me it was quite obvious.

JM does not tell us that he wished JK happy birthday.

There was no "I talked to him yesterday too and wished him happy birthday".

JM makes sure to tell us he spoke with JK yesterday (which is not on JK's birthday). Makes sure to add the TOO, but forgets to say that's also when he wished him happy birthday? I think not.

JM is super measured. He is so very careful in what he says and how he says it, especially when it comes to JK. This man not saying it means the words were added or omitted on purpose. And not telling us he wished JK happy birthday in that phone call, well, makes it clear that the phone call in question was definitley not the end of it. Because there is no way in hell that JM would not wish JK happy birthday personally (not via an IG post that JK wouldn't see anyway not being on IG).

Since when would JM not wish JK happy birthday? The man is telling us to wish JK happy birthday, telling us it's a wonderful day, setting his watch to JK's birth time. The man that flew back from Paris to be with JK on his birthday. And also let us know he did it. He wouldn't have wished JK happy birthday himself? And this man wouldn't tell us so either?

Nah. This is JM telling us he spoke with JK, something he does all the time, and that the conversation he's talking about has nothing to do with JK's birthday.

And yeah, by omitting that he's also letting us know that he had another opportunity, one he isn't letting us in on, in which he got to wish JK happy birthday.

PERIOD!

JM talking about JK looking after his health. The way those two worry about each other.

Did I mention the pause as JM finishes talking about JK? It being a wonderful day? The smile on his face?

Oh, and JK mentions JK's birthday once more at the end of the live as well when summing up the live.

Thank you JM for reminding us once more it's JK's birthday and that it was one of those things in your live worth mentioning in your own recap of the live.

Now, I know that there are idiots that are dragging Mingyu for saying he met JK yesterday (on his birthday) and ate with him.

Well, dragging Mingyu on the one hand for what? Saying he met up with his friend on his birthday? That by doing so he was dissing JM? And others, on the other hand, using this, very stupidly, to prove that a busy JK would rather meet up with Mingyu than with JM.

Are we forgetting what JM told us? Well, JK too? That JK is super busy? Most likely in the Hybe building. You know, where Mingyu also comes to work, being in Seventeen, another Hybe band. Could they have met up at Hybe? Of course they could have. Could they even maybe have met up for a meal break at Hybe? Of course they could have. Mingyu was doing the live in a company car, probably on his way home from work looking super tired. So yeah. Chances are that they met at Hybe.

And as for JM, well, you already know where I stand on that one.

JM and JK most definitely saw each other on JK's birthday. Most likely right after JK's live.

Ok, this one is getting a little too long. So I think I'll leave you all here at the moment, let it all sink in, and come back with a part 2 that will include our little house tour and a few more interesting points - well for me at least, lol.

To be continued...

#Jimin #JM #JM live #JM Weverse live #Jungkook #JK #JK birthday #JK birthday 2023 #Jikook #Kookmin #Minkook

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ironwoman359 · 11 months

Note

i saw your tag about how in 500 years we WON'T be calling britney spears' "toxic" classical music, and i am willing and able to hear this rant if you so wish to expand upon it :3c

You know what, it's been over six months, so sure, why not, let's pick today to have this rant/lesson!

To establish my credentials for those unfamiliar Hi my name's Taylor I was a music teacher up until last year when the crushing realities of the American Education SystemTM led me to quit classroom work and become a library clerk instead. But said music teaching means that I have 4+ years of professional classical training in performance and education, and while I'm by no means a historian, I know my way around the history of (european) music.

So, now that you know that I'm not just some rando, but a musical rando, let me tell you why we won't be calling Britney Spears or [insert modern musician(s) that'd be especially humorous to today's audience to call classical] "classical music."

The simple answer is that "Old music =/= Classical music," which is usually the joke being made when you see this joke in the first place.

youtube

As funny as this joke can be when executed well (this is one of my favorite versions of said joke, especially since this is a future world where there's very little accurate surviving info about the culture from the 21st century), there is VERY little likely of this actually being how music from today is referred to in the future, because, again, music being OLD does not automatically make music CLASSICAL.

If you'd indulge me a moment, have a look at these three pieces from the early 1900s, which is now over 100 years ago. That's pretty old! You don't have to listen to the whole of all of them if you don't want to, but give each around 30 seconds or so of listening.

youtube

All three pieces are over 100 years old, but would you call "In the Shade of the Old Apple Tree" classical? Or "The Entertainer?" Most likely not. You'd probably call these songs "old timey" and you may even be savvy enough to call "The Entertainer" by it's actual genre name, ragtime. But if either of these songs came on the radio, you wouldn't really call them classical, would you? They're just old.

Whereas Mahler's Symphony No. 5, now that sounds like classical music to you, doesn't it? It's got trumpets, violins, a conductor, it's being played by a philharmonic! That's a classical musicy word!

The short answer of why we in the real, nonfictional world won't be calling Britney Spears's "Toxic" classical music in 100 years is it simply doesn't sound like classical music.

.....and the long answer is that Mahler's Symphony No. 5 isn't actually classical either.

See, music, just like everything in culture from dress to art to architecture changed with the times, and therefore 'classical music' is technically (although not colloquially) only one of about four to five musical periods/styles you're likely to hear on one of those "classical music tunes to study to" playlists.

Our dear friend Mahler up there was not a classical composer, he was a composer of the late romantic era.

So now, because I have you hostage in my post (just kidding please don't scroll away I had a lot of fun writing this but it took me nearly 3 hours) I'm going to show you the difference between Classical music and the other musical eras.

These are the movements we'll be dealing with, along with the general dates that define them (remembering of course that history is complicated and the Baroque Period didn't magically begin on January 1st, 1600, or end the moment Bach died) :

The Baroque Period (1600-1750)

The Classical Period (1750-1820)

The Romantic Period (1820-1910)

The Impressionist Movement (1890-1920)

You'll notice that as time goes on, the periods themselves grow shorter, and there starts to become some overlap in the late 19th to early 20th century. The world was moving faster, changing faster, and music and art began changing faster as well. Around the beginning of the 20th century music historians quit assigning One Major style to an entire era of history and just started studying those movements themselves, especially since around the 20th century we were getting much more experimentation and unique ideas being explored in the mainstream.

Even the end of the classical to the beginning of the romantic period can get kind of fuzzy, with Beethoven, arguably one of the most famous classical (and yes he was actually classical) composers in history toeing the line between classical and romantic in his later years. The final movement of his 9th symphony, known as Ode to Joy, far more resembles a romantic work than a classical one.

But, I'm getting ahead of myself.

To oversimplify somewhat, here are the main characteristics of said movements:

The Baroque Period (1600-1750)

Music was very technical and heavily ornamented. This coincided with a very "fancy" style of dress and decoration (the rococo style became popular towards the latter half of this period). The orchestras were far smaller than we are used to seeing in concert halls today, and many instruments we consider essential would not have been present, such as the french horn, a substantial percussion section, or even the piano*. Notable composers include Vivaldi (of the Four Seasons fame), Handel (of the Messiah fame) and Bach:

youtube

*the piano as we know it today, initially called the pianoforte due to its ability to play both softly (piano) and loudly (forte) in contrast to the harpsichord, which could only play at one dynamic level, was actually invented around 1700, but didn't initially gain popularity until much later. This Bach Concerto would have traditionally been played on a harpsichord rather than a piano, but the piano really does have such a far greater expressive ability that unless a group is going for Historical Accuracy, you'll usually see a piano used in performances of baroque work today.

The Classical Period (1750-1820)

In the classical period, music became more "ordered," not just metaphorically but literally. The music was carefully structured, phrases balanced evenly in a sort of call and response manner. Think of twinkle twinkle little star's extremely balanced phrasing, itself a tune that Mozart took and applied 12 classical variations to, cementing it in popularity. And speaking of twinkle twinkle, memorable melody became more important to the composition than ornamentation, and many of our most universally known melodies in the west come from this period. The orchestra also grew bigger, adding more players of all kinds as now we didn't have to worry about overpowering the single-volume harpsichord, and additional instruments like more brass and woodwinds were added. Notable composers include Haydn (of The Surprise Symphony fame) Beethoven (of, well, Fame), and Mozart:

youtube

Pay attention to the size of the orchestra here, then go back to the Bach concerto. Notice how in that very typical Baroque setting, the orchestra sits at maybe 20 people, and that here in a Classical setting, there's nearly two times that!

The Romantic Period (1820-1910)

In the romantic period, it was all about BIG FEELINGS, MAN. It was about the DRAMA. Orchestras got even bigger than before, the music focused less on balance and became more dramatic, and there was a big focus on emotions, individualism, and nationalism. Discerning listeners will notice a lot of similarities between romantic symphonies and modern film scores; John Williams in particular is very clearly influenced by this era, any time I'd play the famous Ride of the Valkyries by Wagner in a class, the kids would remark that it sounds like it should be in Star Wars. A lot of romantic composers were German, including Beethoven, if you want to call his later works romantic (which I and many others argue you can, again, compare Ode to Joy to one of his earlier works and you can hear and see the difference), but you also have the Hungarian Liszt (of the Hungarian Rhapsodies fame), the Russian Tchaikovsky (of the Nutcracker and 1812 Overture fame), and the Czech Dvořák:

youtube

See how this orchestra is even bigger still? Modern orchestras tend to vary in size depending on what pieces they are playing, but the standard is much closer to this large, romantic size, and it's far less typical to see a small, intimate Baroque setting unless specifically attending a Baroque focused concert. Also I know I embedded Dvořák because Symphony From a New World slaps but please also listen to Liszt's Hungarian Rhapsody No.2 it's one of my all time favorite pieces and NOT just because of the Tom and Jerry cartoon, alright? Alright.

The Impressionist Movement (1890-1920)

A bit after it began but definitely still during the romantic period, a counter movement began in France that turned away from the emotional excess of romanticism and focused less on standard chord progression and explored more unconventional scales. This music was less worried about how it 'should' sound and was more concerned with evoking a certain emotion or image, giving you an "impression" of an idea. Debussy is by far the most well known name in this movement, even though he personally hated the term 'impressionism,' lol.

youtube

Notice the way the periods build on each other naturally, literally, physically builds on the orchestras that came before, evolving in style and structure until you get to the late 19th and early 20th century when things were built up so big that a response to that excess started to develop, first in the impressionist movement, and then into 20th century music in general, which got much more experimental and, as we say, "weird." (frickin 12 tone scales, man)* *i do not actually dislike the sound of 12 tone, it's interesting and unique, but it is HELL to analyze in music theory, which is unfortunately when a lot of us classical musicians are first introduced to it, therefore tarnishing our relationship to the genre as we cannot separate it from our own undergrad anguish

Even if you're not a super active listener and you have a harder time discerning the difference between, say, late baroque and early classical, you cannot deny that the first piece I've linked by Bach and the last piece I've linked by Debussy sound completely different. They're both orchestral pieces (I intentionally chose all orchestral pieces as my examples here, getting into solo works, opera, and chamber ensembles would take too long), but other than that, they couldn't be more different.

Wait, so what are we talking about again?

Classical Music is first a period of music, a specific artistic movement with music typically written in Europe between 1750 and 1820 with a specific sound that is distinct from these other styles I've outlined here.

And Classical Music is second a genre. Because while academically and historically Baroque music is not classical, and Romantic music is not classical...colloquially it is. They sound similar enough that it makes sense to put them on the same playlists, the same radio stations, the same 'beats to study to' youtube compilation videos. While individuals may have favorites and preferences, it's not far fetched to say that if you like listening to one of these styles, you'll at least like one of the others.

But whether you're being broad and referring to our modern idea of the classical genre, or you're being pedantic like me and referring to a specific period of musical history (or modern compositions emulating that style, because yeah, modern compositions of all of theses styles do exist), I think we can all agree that, as much as it slaps, "Toxic" by Britney Spears is not classical music, and 500 years is unlikely to change our perspective of that.

A Traditional Ballad though?

Yeah, I can see us calling it that in 5 billion years.

youtube

(the full version of this scene is age restricted for some reason, but you can watch it here)

Anyway, thanks for reading y'all, have a good one!

#music #music theory #music history #classical music #baroque music #romantic music #impressionist music #music teacher #music teaching #taylor teaches #asks and answers #long post

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hamiltonaf · 1 year

Text

Fender Bender | Kylian Mbappé

Pairing: Kylian Mbappé x Hakimi Sister!Reader

Requested: Anonymous

Word Count: 1.6K

Warnings: Angst turns into fluff / Mention of an accident / Enemies to Lovers

A/N: Thank you anon for requesting. Got a bit carried away because I’m really sick. Working on other requests so bare with me, hopefully will be posting again soon. Anywho hope you guys enjoy. Ciao .xoxo

(Y/N/N) - Your Nick Name

Another day, another reason to hate Kylian. I swear the days that Achraf has training or a match, it’s actually a nightmare for me to pick him up and drop him off.

I know it sounds ridiculous that I may be over dramatic but gosh I have a lot of patience and tolerance when it comes to me having to hear Kylian pass unnecessary remarks.

I could easily tell Achraf to get himself a driver but at the same time I don’t want to accept ‘defeat’ to Kylian’s 2 cent comments.

A few times he did say things that hurt me but I didn’t let it get to me, instead I said something twice as worse. It works every time.

I can distinctly remember the day he came over to our house and just so happens that evening I was going out for a girls night. I felt confident and content after quite a while since I don’t go out much. I wore a beautiful red dress that was fitting for our night out. All the happiness in me was drained when I saw Kylian’s face as I was leaving.

“Have you seen Achraf ?” I asked him as I went to grab my car keys. “He’s upstairs” he said as he leaned back on the counter. “Okay well I’m in a hurry, please tell him that I’m gone out and I’ll be back later. Just tell him to text me” I said hurriedly. “Okay I will…but are you trying to hide that you’re going on a date ? I’m surprised someone can actually tolerate you” he said with arrogance. “First of all, it’s none of your business and second of all, that’s pretty rich coming from you” I said lastly as I was just about to head out. “You know you don’t have to be a complete ass to be funny” I lastly said with my back still facing towards him before I slammed the door and left.

It’s been about 2 weeks since that happened and we haven’t spoken since then. A bit dramatic…I know. It’s quite obvious to me that he wants to say something stupid every time he sees me but something is holding him back. His need to be stubborn.

I was on my way to pick up Achraf from training, usually I leave early so I have time to park off and watch them train, especially Kylian. Is it bad timing that I think I caught feelings for him… but we’ll just pretend for now that those feelings don’t exist.

Unfortunately I was stuck in the midst of traffic as peak-hour was nearing. It didn’t bother me because I was used to it by now, as long as I have my playlist blasting, then I’m good to go.

Traffic seemed to have subsided when the cars ahead started speeding up, until the car in front of me hit dead brakes. I slammed on the brakes saving myself from causing an accident, but it went downhill when I heard tyres screeching and was hit so hard that I had whiplash. My head hit the dashboard with a hard thud as my car had unfortunately knocked into the one in front of me.

The pain immediately hit my head and I could feel a migraine incoming. Squeezing my eyes shut in hopes that it will miraculously help with the pain, it didn’t. I sat up and rubbed at my forehead before jumping out of the car. The middle aged man came rushing over to me, “Oh my god I’m so so sorry, are you okay ?” He asked worried. “No I’m not okay ! What were you thinking ?” I yelled. “Ma’am you were the one at fault, you suddenly slammed your breaks” he argued. “Excuse me ? What speed were you doing when we’re currently in peak our traffic ?” I yelled again. A middle aged woman joined our conversation, she was the one who got him by me. Thankfully she was siding with me and in a way she helped me cool down since I got hotheaded. I mean can you even blame me if this man ruined my afternoon and now I’m the one who has to endure the pain.

Luckily nothing happened to either of them, since I was sandwiched between both cars then I had to suffer. I ended up getting lost in the time phoning my mum and insurance that it didn’t occur to me that Achraf is done with training. It wasn’t until his name flashed on my screen and I felt like slapping my forehead, but I was already in enough pain.

“Heyy (Y/N/N) ! Where are you ? Normally you’re here quite early” he said. “Hey ! Uhh yeah about that… I met in an accident so I can’t make it” I said as I shut my eyes to erase the image of how upset Achraf is gonna be.

“Say what now ? You met in an accident !” He yelled on the other side. “Don’t stress, I’m okay. I thought mum would’ve called” I held back a laugh. “She did, I have like 5 missed calls from her and like 10 messages but I was more concerned why you weren’t here. Are you sure you’re okay ? I don’t think you are” he said worried. “I’m fine, really” I tried to ease his mind from stressing. “Please send me your location and send me pictures of the accident. I’m coming to you right now with Kylian” he ordered. Damn it. “I’m telling you to chill out because it’s-“ I argued. “Shut up please, gosh why are you so stubborn. Send me your location. Bye” he said lastly as he ended the call. I shook my head as I texted him my location.

I exchanged details with both drivers and we patiently waited till someone came over to fetch us. Of course my brother comes first and he’s here within 5 minutes. “Oh my god” Achraf said in shock as he took a quick glance at the car. “Are you okay ? Look at your forehead ! It’s red and looks like it’s swelling up !” He argued. “And you said you were okay” he mocked. Kylian came up from behind him and looked at me in shock. Do I look that bad ?

“Yes” “No” both of them said at the same time. Damn did I speak out loud ? “Why are we still standing here, we need to go to the hospital !” Achraf said. “But what about the car ?” I pouted. As if on queue, someone arrived to tow my car. Both Kylian and Achraf pulled me by my arms into the car, seating me in between them. “You guys are being so dramatic gosh” I rolled my eyes. “Have you taken a look in the mirror ?” Achraf raised a brow. “Uhm no. Should I ?” I asked concerned. “No no, you rather not” Kylian said from beside me. “It can’t be that bad” I scoffed as I opened my front camera.

My smile dropped and so did my heart when I saw the redness on my forehead as well as the slight swelling. My emotions took over as the tears welled up in my eyes and I burst out crying. “Oh my god I look terrible !” I sobbed. “(Y/N/N) stop crying. You’ll be fine and the swelling will be gone by tomorrow” Achraf said as he rubbed my back. “Don’t cry please” Kylian said as he pulled me in for a hug and rubbed my arm to try to calm me down. It actually helped.

As we reached the hospital, I was taken straight to the ER. I thought I was going alone to see the doctor but no. Kylian decided to join me since Achraf was sorting out the paper work and was keeping our mum updated. After the doctor consulted me, he prescribed me some medication and gave me an ice pack for now to quickly ease the swelling. Once he left the room, it was just Kylian and I. Pure silence - comforting but not awkward.

He walked from across the room to stand in front of me, I had no choice but to make eye contact with him. “I’m sorry” he sighed. “For ?” I furrowed my brows. “For saying something so stupid the other day. It was meant to be a joke and I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings” he pouted. “It’s okay. I’m also sorry for snapping at you” I pursed my lips. “Don’t apologise, I deserved it” he half laughed. “Yeah you kinda did” I smiled. “I have to admit…these past 2 weeks have been terrible” he said as he took a seat next to me. “And why’s that ?” I asked. “Because I haven’t been talking to you… I know we play fight a lot but please don’t deny that deep down you feel something too. I missed your voice, I missed your smile, your laugh and especially seeing you angry”

“I hate to admit, but I feel the same way” I smiled. “Wait really ?” He said in shock. I nodded my head in reassurance. “That made my day…I’m sorry for the bad timing to drop this news to you. I swear I’ll make it up to you mon amour” he smiled as he then kissed my forehead. “Ky, my head is already buzzing from this accident. I can’t get butterflies too” I tried to not grin. “It’s okay, I’ll make the butterflies overpower the headache” he said as then peppered kisses all over my face.

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xoxomoonlightxoxo · 4 months

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Somewhere Between Hello and Goodbye | Ch. 3: The Lucky Day

Warning: This chapter contains mentions of an eating disorder and depression, please read with caution as topics may be triggering.

a/n: Alexa, play Daddy's Home <3 Anywho, OC's spiralling summer was inspired by Bella's montage of passing seasons in Twilight ... I'm sorry, but I need to preface that OC will be going through it this whole season, I have already cried thrice. Also, a side question, can you guys actually play the songs I post for these chapters? Meaning, does Tumblr let yall do that or am I trippin? Because I truly think they add a lot to the overall experience. If not, please let me know, then maybe I'll just turn them into a Spotify playlist.

Sleep has become my escape. A temporary withdrawal from reality in which I live to remember everything Jungkook has forgotten. Sleeping through each passing day, I know that at least in my dreams we are still together. In my dreams, I will always find my way back to you, Koo. Even if you don’t remember it, the moon knows that we were once in love. It hears my helpless cries at night and feels every atom of my being that misses you, fearing the idea of us becoming strangers once again.

It’s as if my happiness was erased with his departure. Holding my hand through each step of the way, he showed me the beauty in life and ended up being the one to take it all away when my fearing heart failed to reciprocate the painfully obvious love tethered between us. Now, my life is dull and pointless. How can I love someone else when every night I dream of you, Koo?

Swallowing pills to mute the sound of my heart beating for his barest touch, I’ve become lost in my own mind, haunted by everlasting thoughts. Although I thought I would be able to at least pretend to be happy for the sake of my family, it’s all become too much. Thus, it was only a matter of days, before my deteriorating behaviour sparked concern in my parents, fueling tension in the air we shared. It all started with fatigue, which then transformed into chronic sleep and in the end began to affect my eating habits. Feeling nauseous from the mere thought of food, I’ve grown to dissociate myself from it. I was hungry, but I couldn’t eat. And, as my hope slowly diminished, so did the number on the scale.

“Mira, you have to eat,” my mom’s voice echoes in my ear as my eyes fixate on the plate of steamed broccoli in front of me.

“I’m not hungry, I told you,” I sigh, swallowing down the lie with some water.

“Mira, honey, please talk to us. What’s wrong?” my dad asks softly, placing his hand on top of mine. Hearing the trembles in his words, my eyes swell with tears before I shake myself out of it.

“I’m fine … just feeling a bit under the weather,”

“The sun has been at its highest peak this whole time, what’s seasonal about this?” my mom tries to remain composed as she shifts her chair closer to mine.

“Talk to me, honey. What’s gotten into you? You were so excited to come back,” her hands caress my tangled hair as I nibble on the dead skin on my lip.

“Mira, you’ve been silent since you came, and now you won’t even eat. Your mom and I can’t bear to see you like this,”

“Come back home, Miraya. We can find another university here,”

“No. It’s not that. I’m fine, I swear. I just … I just need this break to end already, so I can focus on my studies again. That’ll keep my mind occupied,” I whisper softly, attempting to fake a smile as my empty gaze searches their scattering eyes. Recently, that's how most of our conversations ended. With helpless promises feeding my delusions. However, with each passing day, I come to realise that promises are nothing more than sweet lies. If it weren’t true, I wouldn’t have to find excuses for the aching feeling in my heart, but rather, melt in the overflowing passion of Jungkook’s burning love.

Excusing myself, I throw away the cold plate of food and head back to my room, one which was once filled with laughter and a carefree sense of ambition. The same walls that watched me cry out of happiness upon receiving my acceptance letter just a few months ago are the ones that now echo my pathetic cries for help. Every inch of this room has become cold and numb, and I’m afraid that there is no more warmth in me that could fix this.

Crouched in a fetal position as my body shivers under the floral duvet my mom gifted me as a welcome present, I dial Jimin’s phone number. It has been weeks since he moved back to Busan, but I have yet to receive any updates from him about Jungkook. In hindsight, maybe, it’s for the best, but if silence is the thing that'll save me then why do I still hold onto the smallest glimpse of hope for us? Even if it means walking across a minefield of rejected possibilities that would ultimately send me into a never-ending spiral, why do I still care?

“How is he?” I ask with hesitation.

“Different. He’s different.” Jimin replies softly.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, he seems distant. Which is fair, I guess. But, he doesn’t quite seem to remember me,”

“At all?” my voice shakes as I choke up.

“Well no, he is still able to recover our memories from when we were kids, but recent events are very blurry,” Jimin goes on.

I, was recent to Jungkook. We, were recent to him. Four months, that's how long I've known Koo, but I’ve been missing him for the last seven. Each day I daydream, reminiscing our memories, feeling the void in my heart knowing that I’ve been without him longer than I’ve been with him. Maybe, Mrs. Jeon was right. I would be lying if I said that a little part of me didn’t think that the reason for her ultimatum was purely based on a simple dislike of me. You know? Like, she didn’t see me as a good match for her son? Because, even then, her disapproval of my character would have been an easier pill to swallow than knowing that now, in Koo’s empty eyes, I’m no longer his Peaches, but a stranger. God, it hurts to even say it out loud let alone accept it. I can’t accept it, but I have to now, don’t I?

“Please take care of him for me Jiminah,” I manage to let out, wiping the tears rolling down my face.

“I will Mira, don’t worry. I’ll see you soon, okay?”

“See you,” I end the call, throwing my phone across the bed, my puffy eyes irritated by the brightness.

That night was especially hard. Although my body was desperately wanting to succumb to the exhaustion, my mind wouldn't shut up. It kept replaying our memories, reminding me of the things I should have said. The words Koo never heard, but deserved to.

Hugging my mom, her trembling hands tighten their hold on my sweater as I take in the smell of her perfume for the last time. I missed her a lot, and the guilt of putting my parents through that torture has been eating me alive this whole summer. All they wanted was to see their daughter smile and I failed to fulfill even the simplest of their wishes. If only they knew how much I wanted to smile again.

“Mira, I’m telling you again, we can find another university here,” my mom says with teary eyes.

“Just say yes, and we’ll deal with all the transfer stuff, honey,” my dad joins, caressing my palms, as I let out a soft chuckle before shaking my head no.

“That’s not fair. You guys didn’t raise a quitter,” I manage to let out, feeling my throat tighten from the build-up of emotions.

“You’re right, we didn’t. But, even the strongest soldier needs a shoulder to cry on. Remember that we are and always will be by your side, Miraya,”

“Call us as soon as you land, love,”

Passing through the airport security, I wave to my family my last goodbyes before heading to my gate. Am I excited to come back to Seoul? I don’t really have a choice, do I? That God-awful Nursing degree won’t finish itself, so yeah, I kind of have to go back. But, I know that school isn’t the only thing pulling me back. I know I can’t, but I still wish to see Jungkook, even from afar, it doesn’t matter. All I want now is to know that he is doing well.

I’m not sure how, but as soon as my head rested against the seat my body shut down, falling into a much-needed sleep. I probably would have slept through the whole 12-hour flight if it weren’t for the bright beams of sunlight penetrating through my heavy eyelids. Taking a glimpse out the airplane window, I no longer saw snowy mountains but rather blossoming fields of greenery scattered within the busy cities of Korea. And, as the captain went through his ending speech, a flood of international students lined up near the exit, eager to get back into their previously established routine. It’s funny because I was sitting next to one of my cohort members from last semester, but we were both too tired to even realise.

Nonetheless, putting my passport and ticket back into my carry on, I rolled my luggage down the escalator before a familiar voice called out my name. Searching the crowd of strangers filled with overwhelmed emotions, my eyes stop at a particular boxy smile.

“Long time no see, Flip-flops!” Tae shouted across the hall, before waving me down to where he was standing with Jiah and Jimin who were just as excited about my arrival. Feeling my eyes swell with tears, I couldn’t help but laugh at his cute, little dance as he pulled me into a warm hug.

“Tae, I’m certain you just don’t know my actual name,” I say with a grin, looking up at his sparkling eyes.

“Of course, I do MJ,” he grins, rubbing the top of my head. Ha ha ha, isn’t he just a comedian? For context, my government name is Mira Jean … hence, the birth of MJ.

“That’s enough, let us hug her too,” Jiah chuckles, opening her arms as my body virtually melts into her embrace. With tears rolling down our faces, her grip tightens around my form as she lets out a sudden gasp.

“Mira! My goodness, why are you so small?” she asks with a concerned tone, her wide eyes scanning my body. Although, I always managed to maintain my normal weight, I guess, not eating properly for 3 months left its mark on the way I looked. As the numbers on the scale decreased, I became more and more fixated on the protrusion of my bones. I hated the feeling, but, I also couldn’t stop. Because I couldn’t get myself to eat, I relied on baggy clothes to create an illusion that would satisfy people’s perception of me. Unfortunately, I failed to fool Jiah as she saw right through the act.

“I just stopped eating so much junk food, I’m fine. Trust me, this is a good thing Jiah, now I can finally fit into my favourite pair of jeans,” I try to laugh the pain away, caressing her hands as her furrowed eyebrows slowly release their tension. She isn’t convinced but also, doesn’t want to create a scene in public. I know that follow-up questions will be brought up along the way, but for now, my attention is focused on looking for someone who I know isn’t there. It’s silly, but before spotting Tae, a little part of me hoped to see Jungkook. To witness his sparkling doe eyes and bunny teeth, once again, like the good old times.

“Okay, it’s settled, we are all going to my favourite Korean BBQ place,” Jimin exclaims, giving me a quick wink before grabbing both of the luggage out of my hands, and handing one to Tae. And, as Jiah intertwines her hands with mine, we exchange soft smiles exiting the airport as my skin finally feels the fresh, humid air of Seoul. Stopping mid-walk, I let out a deep sigh of relief. I hated every second of my summer, it was nothing short of pure torture but, at least, it too passed.

“You’re good?” Tae whispers, softened gaze focused on my flushed cheeks.

“Yeah,” I say softly, taking another deep breath as his arm caresses my shoulder.

“He’s fine, Mira,” his words pierce through my ears as I unconsciously shoot him an alarming look.

“You’ve heard from him?” I rush my words, anticipating his answer as my chest heaves up.

“No, but I can feel your pain,” his tone is quieter now, eyes still searching mine.

“I’m fine, Tae,” I mumble under my breath, lowering my head in fear of breaking down in front of them.

“Just know that I’m always here for you, okay?” he says, pressing a soft kiss on my head before wrapping his arm around my shoulders. If only he could hear the way I’m screaming inside. The way I’m calling out for help. For someone to find hope in my hopeless state of mind. If only he knew how much I miss Jungkook.

“Okay,” I whisper.

“Following the tradition, I will be hosting my annual house party before school beats all of our asses,” Jimin chuckles, caressing Jiah’s hand as their eyes focus on each other. Forcing down some dumpling soup into my system, I feel nauseous, but can’t risk growing Jiah's suspicion more, so I attempt to eat as little as possible without her noticing.

“So, Mira, please come. Jungkook will be there as well,” Jimin continues with a soft smile which slowly fades upon noticing my gaze drop. Letting go of my spoon, my fingernails dig into my cold palms, as I’m back at square one. How am I supposed to face him when I can’t even handle the mere mention of his name? It’s not fair. None of them know about Mrs. Jeon’s ultimatum, and I fear that I can’t just simply tell them. So, I gulp down the pain and manage to put on another act, one that I seem to have mastered over the summer.

“Mira, you’re okay?” Jiah asks, gently rubbing my forearm.

“Yeah, sorry, I’m a bit jet-lagged. Sure, of course, I’ll come,” I reply with a reassuring smile, before looking at Tae. I recognize the sadness in his eyes because I see it in my own every passing minute. But, I can’t let him in. I can’t betray Mrs. Jeon’s trust, again. Even if it means that I have to betray my own heart.

We’ve been walking around the mall for probably 3 hours now and Jiah has yet to find something with that wow factor, meanwhile, I have already found 4 of the nearest exits. The party is set for tonight, and although I have already agreed to come, I can’t get myself to actually face the consequences. I can’t go, what was I thinking. What? Did I think everything was going to be fine once Jungkook saw me? Mira, he doesn’t remember you.

“Jiah, you know, I really don’t think I should go tonight?” I say, slowly walking in circles as she eyes another mini dress.

“What? Why?” she stutters, going through racks of possible options.

“I’m just not feeling well,” I lie, fiddling with my fingers to calm down the nerves.

“Mira, is something wrong?” Jiah stops what she’s doing before walking closer to my anxious self.

“I’m fine, really,” I lie again.

“You don’t look fine. You barely eat, barely sleep, barely talk to me,” she exclaims with a tone firmer than before.

“Then stop looking. Please, can everyone just leave me alone? I’m just tired, okay?” I burst, feeling everyone’s eyes on my distressed self.

“Okay, I’m sorry. What do you need?” she says gently, reaching out her hands.

“I just need space,” I whisper, crossing my arms in front of my burning chest.

“Fine, I’ll give you some space. Please call me when you’re ready,” Jiah’s words cut deep as she walked out of the store, leaving me alone with my thoughts. The ones I’ve been trying to run away from this whole time. I can’t even get mad at her. She is only trying to help, but how can she when I keep shutting everyone out? It’s all my fault, I know. I just hope that this isn’t how it ends. I hope I don’t push everyone away, and someone sees right through the mask I put on. Because I’m so lost. I don’t know what to do or who to talk to.

Locking the door behind me I plop onto my bed before finally resting my heavy eyes. And, within minutes, I’m passed out again. I think, I've grown to become eternally tired, no matter how much I sleep, there is just no end to this fatigue. Moving restlessly, I pull the white cover over my shivering body before hearing my phone ring.

“Ugh, what is it now?” I grunt, squinting from the screen brightness as a small gasp escapes my parted lips. It was 8 pm already. How is that possible? I swear, I just laid my head. But, no, apparently I’ve been asleep for the last 5 hours.

“Hello?” I manage to let out.

“Flip-flops? Where are you?” Tae screams through the loud music in the background.

“Tae, I’m home. What happened?”

“Mira hurry, Jiah is drunk. You need to come pick her up,” he exclaims with panic in his voice.

“What? Where’s Jimin? Can he not drive her?” I stutter, lifting myself off of the bed before putting my hoodie back on.

“You want him to drive under the influence? Of course, he is drunk too,”

“Well, why can’t you drive them?” I whine, almost pleading.

“Who said I wasn’t drunk either?” he chuckles, sending me a flying kiss through the phone.

“Fine, I’ll be there in a bit. Keep an eye on Jiah,” I sigh before grabbing my keys and ID.

Thankfully, Jimin’s place wasn’t that far from our dormitory so, the ride there was only 10-ish minutes. Nonetheless, I could feel my heartbeat in my throat. And, as the driver finally pulled up to the apartment complex I practically ran inside. Following the sound of loud music, I made my way through the crowd of people who clearly had a little too much fun, as the alcohol in their system could be detected from the next block.

“Flip-flops!” Tae exclaimed with a big grin. Stopping in my tracks, my eyes diverted to Jiah, who was standing beside him with absolutely no sign of a hangover. In fact, she looked better than ever in her new mini-dress.

“What? You lied?” I snap, eyebrows furrowing more and more with each step I take towards them.

“How else was I supposed to get you to come?” Tae chuckles, trying to rub my head before I push his hand away.

“Get off me,” my tone is harsh as I lower my piercing gaze, shaking my head in disbelief.

“Oh! Mira, there you are,” I could hear Jimin’s voice getting closer before turning my flushed face. And with that, it felt like time stopped altogether. There was nothing and no one in the room except for him and I. Koo and I. Feeling my gaze soften, I choke up from the rush of emotions in my throat.

“Hi, I’m Jungkook. It’s nice to meet you,” he says with a warm smile, reaching out his hand as if meeting me for the first time. Before replying, I take a moment to analyze his face. The one I dreamed about every night and the one that caused me so much pain. He looks the same, except, his eyes no longer sparkle like they used to. I guess, we got that in common.

“Hi …I’m Mira,” I let out a soft smile, before reaching out my own hand.

“Yah, Kook, you already know her, you guys were best friends,” Jimin chuckles, patting Jungkook’s back.

“Oh, I’m sorry, please forgive me. I'm still trying to piece everything back together,” Koo says, covering his mouth before shutting his eyes from embarrassment.

Feeling my throat tighten, I quickly excuse myself, before rushing out of the packed room towards the nearest fire escape. I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but why does it feel like I’m going to pass out? It’s as if all the air was knocked out of my lungs. Feeling lightheaded I hold onto the railing and close my eyes for a moment. I can’t believe it. Koo, I saw you but you didn’t see me. You saw a stranger. And, suddenly, there I was, alone again, realizing that everything I feared had come true.

Regaining my composure, I decide to walk back to the party before my eyes are met with his.

“Not a party animal, huh?” Jungkook grins, stopping in his tracks as his arm leans against the wall.

“It’s my day off,” I let out a small chuckle, unable to keep his eye contact.

“So … we were best friends?” he asks softly, hands fidgeting with the chains on his belt.

“Yeah …” I nod slightly, nibbling on my lips.

“It’s funny because I don’t remember anything from last year. I could barely recognize my own dad for a while. Jimin helped me a lot, he basically recalled sparknotes of my past for me,” he laughs. Oh, how I missed his laugh.

“You really don’t remember anything?” I finally look up, searching his scattering eyes.

“No, not one bit,” his muffled words are interrupted by the growling sound coming from my stomach, as I let out an awkward smile.

“Oh, are you hungry?” he grins, bunny teeth on full display, as my gaze softens again.

“No, no, no, I’m fine. I think I’m gonna head home now,” I shake my hands, zipping my hoodie before attempting to walk past him.

“No, it’s fine, I’ll drive. I’m starving as well,” Jungkook assures, gently pulling onto the fabric as my heart sinks to my feet.

I knew I shouldn’t, but I agreed. I couldn’t say no to Koo. Not, after all the sleepless nights I’ve spent missing his mere presence. And, as we entered the nearest restaurant, everything felt real. He felt real. Even if he couldn’t feel it, my heart was beating for the both of us. For our first hellos, last goodbyes and everything in between. Just for tonight, I wanted to pretend like nothing happened.

“Oh, look, Mira, they have a special deal on shrimp dumplings, do you like them?” his voice, brings me back to reality as I mute the thoughts running through my head.

“Yeah, my mom made them for me all the time when I was little,” I smile.

“Then, I guess it’s your lucky day,” he chuckles with a satisfied grin, before calling one of the waiters.

“I guess, it is,” I say softly, feeling my throat tighten as I struggle to swallow the lie. Searching his naive eyes my own swell with tears while my body shifts restlessly in the seat. Desperately wanting to cave into the emotions, my mind is haunted by the thoughts of Mrs. Jeon’s letter. And, as I close my eyes for a moment, all I can see are the painful reminders of our enforced distance. Don’t call … Don’t write … Don’t interact. Yet, here we are, here you are, Koo. Live in the flesh, separated by a table and the forgotten story of our past. So close, yet so far that it physically hurts. To him, I’m just another piece of the puzzle that would fill the void in his memories. But, to me, he is the only piece that could make me whole again.

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olderjustneverwiser · 10 months

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For the Hope of It All

Steve Harrington x fem reader. WC: 11K.

A story about old friends and a summer romance in Italy. Set roughly 10 years post season four (so mid-nineties? Yeah, let's go with that). Inspired by august by Taylor Swift and those Joe Keery Italy pictures.

Warnings: Smut, MDNI. Talks of death of a parent, discussions of leaving a toxic relationship (nothing is specified though). Not really a happy ending so if that's not your vibe consider this your warning.

The Playlist

June

Salt air, and the rust on your door

I never needed anything more

The day started as most of your off days did; with a steaming cup of coffee at your favorite little café down by the shore. You had found this gem just after moving to Italy, its gorgeous patio and delicious coffee had cemented itself as one of your most frequented spots in town. It had become somewhat of a custom over the past few years, to have your morning coffee with only the salt air and sea birds to keep you company.

It could be lonely at times, but it beat sipping mediocre coffee in an empty apartment.

May had just turned into June, though, so your part of the world was quickly becoming overrun with tourists on holiday, and it seemed like every single one had managed to find your favorite spot away from the tourist traps. The outdoor seating area had filled quickly given the nice weather, so it really came as no surprise when a voice broke you from your reverie, asking if they could take the empty seat across from you. What did surprise you was the voice that spoke. It was a voice you hadn't heard in nearly five years, since you left the backwater town you grew up in to get away from it all, from your fucking ex that drained the life out of you.

You almost didn't believe that you had heard it correctly, but you knew you did. You'd recognize that voice anywhere, even after all this time had passed. Once you turned your gaze away from the sea, what you knew to be true in your heart was confirmed.

The man was sun-kissed, with wild, windswept hair and a glittering smile that only widened when you turned to face him. Once he pulled his sunglasses away from his eyes and pushed them into his hair, you knew.

Steve fucking Harrington.

Steve, once King Asshole Steve of Hawkins High, was in front of you, halfway around the world from Indiana. Steve, your good friend, confidante, partner-in-crime, first crush. Steve, who you left back in Hawkins, along with everyone else you cared about, because you just couldn't handle how suffocating the small town was or seeing him around town.

Steve fucking Harrington was standing right in front of you for the first time in years and you didn't know how to feel about that.

You almost had to laugh at the absolute absurdity of it all. Why the hell was he even in Italy? How, in all of the places in the world, had Steve managed to find you here? Was this planned, or a chance meeting? Pure happenstance, or fate?

You had so many questions.

God, he was stunning. He still looked like the kind of men you'd read about in cheesy romance novels. Older, of course, and more filled out, but still looked like Steve. Soft, suave, too handsome for his own good. He looked golden, dangerous.

He still looked like a heartbreaker.

His face morphed into something else once he noticed that it was you, a mix of surprise and pure elation as he whispered your name, seemingly to himself. Almost like he couldn't believe it either.

"In the flesh," you replied, a joking lilt in your voice because you just couldn't fucking believe this.

"Oh-oh my God!" His outburst seemed to bother the patrons around you, but neither of you really cared when you grabbed the hand he reached out to you, only to be pulled up into a crushing embrace.

He smelled different than you remembered. A different cologne, more manly now, more comforting.

Dangerous.

Steve pulled away after a beat, but he didn't retreat completely. His hands moved from their spots around your frame only to land on your arms, like he didn't want to let you go yet.

For some reason, you didn't want him to let go either.

"What the hell are you doing here, Harrington?"

Steve finally released you completely then, taking the seat across the tiny wooden table from the one you had occupied. You followed suit, allowing yourself to really look at him.

The years had been kind to him, that much was obvious. There were a few barely-there wrinkles around his eyes, a scar or beauty mark here and there that wasn't there before, but he still held the boyish charm he always had.

He still looked like your Steve.

He seemed to realize that he'd yet to give an answer at the same time you did, so he just shook his head, ran his hands down his face like he couldn't believe this was happening, either.

"Sorry, I just- fuck. Can't believe I found you."

"Ah, so you were trying to find me," you said, taking a sip of your now lukewarm coffee to hide the smile that threatened to break.

Steve just shook his head, "I've actually been in Italy for a few weeks now, kinda a spur of the moment trip, y'know?"

You really didn't, but you supposed Harrington money could afford a month-long spontaneous vacation to Italy.

He continued on, "I started out in Rome and have just been kinda moving along. I knew you lived here, from your letters, so I wanted to come and see if I could find you. Turns out luck was on my side."

That explanation gave you even more questions than answers, but you let it rest for now.

"Well shit, Steve. I guess it was." You couldn't help but feel like this was meant to happen, somehow. Out of all of the little cafés and restaurants in this town, he'd turn up at the one you came to every weekend.

Definitely fate, or something like it.

"Why don't we talk about it over dinner tonight? Catch up on everything?" He asked, charm oozing out of every bit of him, and you wondered if this was how all of the girls felt when Steve Harrington asked them out. Pure butterflies and wildflowers in your chest, fluttering and blooming before you could blink.

Something told you that letting Steve Harrington back into your life would be exhilarating, saccharine, all-encompassing. The summer would allow you to feel alive for the first time in years, while leaving you heartbroken at the inevitable end.

You should have heeded the warning signs; the small part of your brain telling you to stay friendly, but that was it. To not let him grow like ivy on your heart. To entertain him for a week or so then send him on his way because you had left your feelings for him back in Hawkins years ago, back before your heart got stolen away by someone else. You were fine, had been fine until he waltzed back into your life, looking like that and stirring up feelings that were long gone.

But if you were being honest with yourself, the thought of not being with Steve for as long as he'd stay hurt so much more than how it would feel when this would inevitably end in tears.

You took Steve to Ke Palle for dinner on that first night.

It quickly became one of your favorite restaurants ever since you moved, and Steve hadn’t been, so it was perfect. It was busy given that it was a Saturday evening, so you and Steve took your arancini to-go, got a bottle of wine at a shop across the way, and settled at a small table the two of you found near the water. The large red umbrella made the late afternoon sun just a little more bearable as the two of you ate, drank, and caught up on everything you had missed over the last few years. Once your bellies were full and the bottle of wine was near empty, you once again found yourself examining Steve in between conversations.

It was odd, seeing him again. Sure, your friend group had exchanged a couple of pictures over the years but seeing him in person again was entirely different. He had matured since the last time you had been together. There was something in his eyes, a look that told you that he had grown up more than you knew. It told you that he definitely wasn't King Steve anymore; that he had seen shit, been through shit, and that he was a man now.

As the sun began to set around you, you noted the flecks of gold in his hair, the little highlights mixed in with the brown that you had never noticed before. You noticed that you missed seeing his eyes, given that they were currently shielded by his sunglasses, and you hated that you missed something like that. You definitely noticed how his arms filled out the navy tee he was wearing, how big his hands looked curling around his pack of cigarettes-

He cleared his throat and you turned away, embarrassed that he had caught you staring. But hell, how could you not, when he looked like that? The asshole smiled at you then, as if he knew exactly what you were thinking, when he pulled out a lone cigarette from the pack. "Want one?"

"Definitely not. You know how bad those things are for you, right?" You chastised.

"Still hate that I smoke, huh?"

"I'll always hate that you smoke, Steve. Keep it up and you'll fuck up that pretty face, and you know that's your best feature."

He just shook his head and chuckled, gave you a look that said, wanna bet? "Enough about my bad habits, tell me about life and all that."

You told Steve about your life; things that went farther than letters sent across an ocean could handle. You told him about the winery you worked at in town, about how stressful running the place could be, but you enjoyed it anyway. You talked about your favorite coworkers and about how the tourists got to be too much sometimes. Later on, after he indulged and bought another bottle of wine to share, you apologized for leaving Hawkins, that you hated to leave but you wanted more than Hawkins could ever offer, and that you just had to after finally mustering the courage and self-confidence to leave your ex.

Steve asked if you were dating anyone. You tried not to read into it too much as you gave a definitive 'No'. It was impossible to tell if the flush on his cheeks was from the red wine he'd drunk or from your answer, but you hoped it was the latter.

"Enough about my nonexistent dating life," you said as you waved a rogue cloud of cigarette smoke away from your face, "Tell me about home, how's everyone?"

He shrugged noncommittally before answering. "Everything's good, Robin's good, Eddie's kid is hell on wheels, but she's awesome. Nancy is still livin’ it up in New York. Job is good, those little middle school fuckers drive me crazy, but I love them."

"Still teaching then?"

He nodded, "Yeah, still teaching the youth the joys of dodgeball and how to hold a baseball bat. Pay's not the best but, you know, it's fun. Rewarding, I guess." He was holding something back; even after being apart for so long you could tell there was something he wasn't telling you.

"Yeah, but you don't gotta worry about money, right? You're a Harrington."

The laugh that left him was devoid of humor. Instead, it held something like contempt. It almost sounded hollow. "Yeah, guess not. Especially now, since my dad left us a fortune." He sighed at the confused look on your face and continued on "My dad, uh, died back in April."

You felt your eyes widen in shock, you definitely did not expect that and you hated that you didn't know what to say, "Oh my God Steve, I'm so sorry. Why didn't you say anything?"

Steve just shrugged, "He was a dick."

"He was your dad, Steve."

"Yeah, and he didn't even like me," Steve said the words like they didn't phase him, and you wondered if they secretly did. "Anyway, I guess his life insurance had a pretty high payout. Left us with a pretty penny that my mom split with me. She sold the house in Loch Nora and left Hawkins. I had to get away from everything, so I took the rest of the school year off, and now I'm here with you. Seems like a perfect trade-off to me" He finished with a smirk.

"Steve…"

He took your hand in one of his then, dwarfing your own, "Hey, seriously, I'm fine. And if I'm ever not fine, you'll be the first person I tell, okay? I promise." His eyes were sincere, and suddenly you felt like you were eighteen again, Steve confiding in you that Nancy had dumped him and called him bullshit. You had missed the way the two of you had confided in each other back in Hawkins, but it was your fault that you hadn't had the chance to do that again, you figured.

"Anyway," Steve leaned back, continuing like he hadn't just dropped that huge bomb on you, "I'm glad I found you. I missed you, y'know."

"Yeah, missed you too. This is nice."

"You look good, by the way. Polaroids don't do you justice." Your cheeks burned at his words. They sounded innocuous, innocent, but you could tell how he meant them by the way he looked at you when he leaned back in his chair, took another puff of a second cigarette he had pulled out of the pack.

Still, you gave a roll of your eyes, tried to pretend like his words didn't affect you at all. "Still a flirt, huh Harrington?"

"Hey, I'm just saying! The sea suits you, is all."

"Yeah, I suppose it does. Think it's done me some good over the years." You were quiet for a beat, just long enough to appreciate how the setting sun bathed Steve in its golden light. "You look good too, obviously."

Steve gave you some noise of acknowledgement, taking one last drag of his cigarette before stubbing it out in the ashtray. "I think I've had enough sun for one day. You wanna get outta here?"

And I can see us twisted in bedsheets

You felt like you were floating as you and Steve raced through the town to get to your apartment. It almost felt like a dream, the thought that something was about to happen. Neither of you had explicitly said that anything was happening once you got upstairs, but you could feel it. It was like an electric current in the air, something between your fingertips as he held your hand in his during the walk. Steve could feel it, too. You could tell by the way his eyes were a little wild the entire walk home, how tightly he held onto your hand.

You willed yourself to calm down as the two of you neared your building; your heart pounding against your rib cage. Part of you was nervous that you'd hyped this up so much in your head that the real thing would be a disappointment, but you knew that wouldn't be the case. No, you were scared that this would ruin you for anyone else.

Because this was Steve you were talking about. There was history here, secrets shared and experiences that had bonded you two for life, no matter how far apart you were. And the way Steve looked at you as you unlocked your front door and stepped into your living room, as if you were the only thing he wanted to see for the rest of his life, solidified the simple fact that you were going to be fucking ruined after this.

You didn't care.

He watched as you set your keys and bag down on the small table in your entryway before leaning back against your door, smoothing down the front of your sundress to calm your nerves because it had been so long since you had done this. Steve seemed to sense your nervousness by the way he leaned into you, softly, a finger tracing down your arm with just enough pressure for you to feel it. "You okay?"

"Yeah! Yeah, I'm great. Just been a while, that's all." If he noticed the goosebumps that erupted from his touch, he didn’t comment on it.

He nodded, his gaze softer now than it had been at dinner, "Yeah, been a while for me, too. Y'know we don't have to do anything, right? If it's too soon or whatever."

Maybe it was too soon, because while you and Steve had been friends for years, the two of you were so different than you were years ago. Different people at different stages in your lives. Different continents. Hell, you hadn’t even been in the same room as each other for half a decade. But you still knew Steve, still felt the same comfort and security you’d always felt with him.

It might have been too soon, but in this moment, it felt like a long time coming. It felt like it was always going to happen, at some point. And there was nothing you wanted more.

"I know, but I want to. I really want to, if you do."

"Are you sure?" He whispered, his mouth now close enough to yours that you could smell the hints of smoke still on his breath and the spearmint gum he chewed on the way.

You wanted to reach out, to touch him, but all you could do was curl your hands into fists before flattening them out on the tops of your thighs again. Fingertips tingled, wanting to mirror the path he was making on your arm, trace the veins on his forearm. You held back, almost scared to pop this little bubble the two of you seemed to be in. You wanted to kiss him, really wanted to kiss him. It would be too easy to close the small gap that still lingered between you and finally find out what he tasted like, but you waited. It was torture, but you waited.

"Yeah, of course I'm sure. Are you?"

The nod of his head was earnest, his eyes refusing to leave yours as his fingers abandoned their path along your arm only to find purchase on your jaw, his thumb barely tugging on your bottom lip before finally pressing his lips to yours.

It was a desperate sort of kiss, the kind that made your toes curl in your sandals and your hands wind in his hair, if only to pull him even closer. Steve pressed into you then, and the feeling of his weight against you had little moans leaving your mouth, which Steve took full advantage of, licking into your mouth when your lips parted.

You didn’t know why it felt so natural, kissing Steve, but it felt like both a first kiss, and a kiss that you had shared a thousand times. Somehow, it felt like this had to happen, because Steve had drawn you in and he was yours and you were so, so ready to fall. Face first, all in, into whatever this was, whatever this would turn out to be. Still, you tried your hardest to sear the feeling of him into your mind. How his kiss tasted, how he sounded, how it felt to have his body pressed against yours like this in case this one a one time thing.

You really, really hoped it wasn't a one time thing.

He let his hands wander, dropping them to squeeze at your waist, letting his mouth wander, too. He moved to your jaw, down to your throat and you felt him smile against your skin when you gasped.

You felt one hand snake down your dress to the side of your thigh, his hand spreading wide, ghosting a path beneath the hem until his fingertips found the edge of your underwear. You felt him shift against you, just slightly, only to continue his path to your front and press into you. It was pathetic, really, the noise that came out of you from just a simple touch.

“Like that, pretty?” Steve cooed, using the same finger to trace up and down over the thin fabric, “Saw you staring at my hands earlier. You wanted me to touch you like this, hmm?”

You tried to roll your eyes, but he pressed harder into you making you feel the wetness sticking to you and you could only close them, letting out a huff, "Are you always this annoying during foreplay?"

He just smirked, his fingers never stopping, "Only with you." He leaned in closer, leaving a peck just below your ear. "Besides, I think you like it."

You did roll your eyes at that, taking hold of his forearm to stop him, tired of his teasing, "Steve, shut the hell up and take me to the bedroom."

The moment the two of you were in your bedroom, Steve had you pushed against the nearest bare wall he could find before kissing you again. His hands roamed your neck, your waist, the curve of your hip and you felt him everywhere. It was like a live wire running through you, from your lips, red and kiss bitten to the tips of your toes.

His hands found the hem of your sundress again, and he started to ask if he could take it off but you cut him off, answering with a breathless 'yes'. He backed up from you, just enough for you to loosen the zip on the side and let it fall to the floor around your feet. You felt warm under his gaze, him mapping out skin he hadn't seen. You felt too exposed, given that he was still fully dressed, but he was back on you in a second, pulling you out of your thoughts.

"So fuckin' pretty," He praised, pulling your underwear to the side, let his fingers glide through your folds without the offending barrier before sinking one, then two fingers into you.

The smirk he was wearing quickly disappeared once your breaths turned to moans as his fingers worked you, in and out, long enough to hit that spot and have you feeling close to bursting. His jaw went slack, his cheeks a little flushed and he finally looked as affected as you.

You scrambled for his shoulders for some sort of stability, nails pressing through his shirt when he crooked his fingers into you, making your breath hitch in your throat.

"Fuck, that's it, huh? Feel good?"

You only nodded, already feeling dizzy. You let your head hit the wall as he worked you, eyes closing and getting lost in the feeling of him, here with you, against you.

But you wanted more. You wanted him.

“Steve, please,” you pleaded, your hands grazing down his abdomen until you reached his belt buckle. “Want you.”

His shirt was thrown near your bed post, his belt clinked as it hit the floor along with his pants, neither of you really caring where they landed. He was on you again, kissing you until you both crawled into bed, his mouth on your jaw, your collarbone until he reached the edge of your bra, mouthing at the fabric before unclasping it and throwing it to the floor. You were impatient, dragging your underwear down until you were fully bare and his lips parted; his eyes devouring you before reconnecting his mouth to yours.

After that, it didn’t take long for him to rid himself of his boxers, slip on a condom and push into you slowly. Teasing, controlled, trying to drag out the moment because you felt fucking fantastic around him. He stilled once he was buried inside you, interlacing your fingers with his and pressing your hands into the bed as you moaned into his neck. You clenched around him at the tender gesture, silently begging him to move by curling your legs around his waist.

“Fuck, you feel - God - fucking amazing,” he grunted, eyes squeezed shut as he moved against you.

“Steve,” you keened, relishing in how he looked on top of you, blissed out and slick with sweat. How he felt against you, inside of you. How each drag of him made you feel that familiar hook in your belly, like a string pulled tight, stretched, close to snapping. A release building.

“Yeah? You close?” he asked, fingertips digging into the softness of your hips and he'd sounded close himself. Your breath hitched, back arched prettily because he'd dropped his hand between you, thumb rubbing quick circles on your clit.

"Yeah, Steve yeahyeah," you twisted your fingers in his hair, hips lifting to meet his every thrust until you snapped, your orgasm ripping through you, making you tremble against him. It was enough to send him over his edge, his hips faltering as he came, his face buried in your neck to muffle his groan.

The night seemed quiet then, the sounds of skin on skin and dirty praise whispered between you gave way to your combined breaths, slowly evening out. The air smelled like sex and Steve; smoke and mint, a hint of the salty sea air. You felt calm, peaceful, so, so content with Steve next to you.

And that was how your summer began.

You were vaguely aware of fingers tracing down the length of your back and the smell of fresh coffee invading your senses, but you were so warm and soft and relaxed and did not want to leave the dreamlike state you were currently in. But then you felt soft kisses to your shoulder, a murmur against your hair that made your eyes open to see Steve, mussed up hair and still shirtless from the night before, with a steaming mug of coffee in his hands.

He looked like a damn dream.

"Morning, sleepy. Coffee's on your nightstand, just a splash of cream and sugar, right?"

You nodded, finally making yourself sit up against your headboard and grab the mug from your bedside table, "How'd you remember that?"

Steve only shrugged, crossing the room to take his side of the bed again. You hadn't taken a look at your bedside clock yet but it had to be early morning, considering how the sunlight slipped through the open blinds. The light painted Steve's torso in bright stripes of light; his tan skin looking even more stunning in the sunshine. This whole scene felt almost too domestic. The two of you, drinking coffee in a comfortable silence, Steve leaning over ever so often to press a kiss to your shoulder, your cheek.

It felt nice. It felt normal.

But you knew it couldn't last. You and Steve were friends, good friends, and he was just passing through, traveling through Italy to find himself, or whatever he was doing. The thought made you ache, but it was the reality.

Clearing your throat, you started to ask the question, rip off the band-aid. "So, when do you think you'll move on from my part of the world?"

"Actually, I was thinking about sticking around for a while, if you'll have me." Steve said the words a little shyly and they lit a little spark of hope that bloomed in your chest. You knew it wouldn't be forever, that the end would come, but for now, you had him.

"I don't think I'd mind that at all, Harrington."

July

The summer was a whirlwind, and you loved every second of it.

Your back beneath the sun

Wishin' I could write my name on it

You still went to work everyday while Steve did his travels, sometimes taking day trips out of town for the day and then coming back to your apartment at night. He'd show you the photographs he'd taken, letting you pick one or two to keep for yourself.

Sometimes he would join you when you went out with your friends. Your friends had promised to help you show Steve all of the best spots. The two of you would join them for drinks and dancing some nights, other nights opting to go on your own, then crawl home and end up back in your bed sheets before ending the night.

And then you'd do it all over again the next day.

On the weekends, you'd let Steve pick a new city to see, and the two of you would spend a night or two. You had explored Cinque Terre, saw the canals in Venice (which Steve correctly decided were too touristy), and Steve even treated the two of you to a few days near Tuscany after you agreed to play hooky that following Monday.

You felt like you were twenty again. Back in Hawkins, hanging with Steve and the gang. Swimming in the Harringtons’ pool, picnics at the lake, settling down with take-away pizza and a movie on quiet nights in. Weekend drives to Indy for rock shows that Eddie dragged you all to, stopping at the same all-night diner after for fries and milkshakes. It was familiar, it was lovely.

Having one of your old friends back made you feel lighter. Besides the company and great sex, it was nice to just have someone from Hawkins here. Someone you grew up with, who knew you inside and out. Someone you felt comfortable with, someone you trusted with your life.

It made grueling work days a little easier, made coming home a little more fun but the days were slipping away too fast. July was ending, but it still felt like the beginning of June and Steve had just landed back into your life. It really was cruel, how quickly time starts to pass you by the older you grew. Especially when you didn’t want it to. When you needed it to slow down.

You wondered if Steve felt the same. If the days he spent without you, doing whatever he was doing in whatever little towns he found, were ending too fast. Was he excited to go back to Hawkins, to his students and the friends you had left behind?

More importantly, when was he going back?

The two of you hadn’t talked about it; you didn’t have the time. You hadn't even talked about what the two of you were doing, as if kissing one of your best friends goodbye every morning and fucking them before bed was normal. In all honesty, you didn’t want to talk about it. Because talking about it would make it real, and you were perfectly happy with living in blissful ignorance for now. Seeing as July was coming to a close, the end would come soon enough, anyway.

Another work week had just ended for you, and since you had the next few days off, you and Steve were currently lazing on your couch, coming up with ideas for how to spend the weekend.

The two of you bounced ideas back and forth to one another over a shared bottle of wine, none of them ever feeling quite exciting enough. Suddenly he looked at you, snapping his fingers like he had just thought of the perfect idea, “How about we rent a boat?”

“Excuse me?” You couldn’t help the way your voice squeaked at that, because who just thinks to rent a fucking boat on a whim?

“Not like a big boat, just a boat. You know, take it out in the water, cool off in the sea. Any place we can rent a boat over here?”

You squinted at him across your sofa, “I forgot you know how to handle a boat. You really are the definition of a rich boy cliché, you know that?”

“Oh shut up,” he muttered, but the fondness in his eyes told you that he didn’t really mean it. “So, whaddya say?”

And that’s how the next morning found the two of you waking up with the sun, Steve cooking a light breakfast while you packed a cooler with sandwiches, fresh fruit, and a big canteen full of limoncello. You took a cab to the ritzy part of the town, the part with the towering, expensive resorts and private beaches. You’d figured it would be the perfect place to get what Steve was looking for, and it turns out that you were right.

It wasn’t a big boat, but definitely enough room for you and Steve. You watched from the docks as Steve spoke with the worker, noting that the little Italian you’d managed to teach him was coming out of his mouth with ease. You wondered how it felt to be such a natural at damn near everything, how Steve could just pick up anything and be a pro.

Soon, the boat was yours for the day and you and Steve were off, Steve quickly shedding the linen button down he’d put on due to the hot sun. You had to admit, this was lovely. The waters were calm, the sun warmed your skin and you got to watch Steve work, looking like a natural behind the controls (and if you had stolen the disposable camera out of his bag and snapped a few pictures of him, shirtless and a cigar hanging from his lips, well, that was your business). Briefly, you wondered where he was taking you, if he even knew himself, but you found that you really didn’t care. The waters were a beautiful, deep blue, all around you, surrounded by gorgeous coastlines and away from everything else. You let yourself lay back and relax, focusing on the sound of Steve humming some song he knew as you closed your eyes and let yourself drift. It could have been minutes, maybe an hour, but eventually you came to a secluded shoreline that was more rocks and cliffs than beach, and he was beginning the process of anchoring down.

“Pretty spot, huh?” He said through a grunt as he lowered the anchor down.

You nodded, “Yeah, how’d you know this was here?”

“Guy working the docks mentioned something about this. He said there probably wouldn’t be many people here but damn, it’s nice not having anyone here.” He looked around, hands on his hips in an approving stance before he turned to look back at you, “Wanna cool off?”

Once Steve confirmed that the boat was secured, you shed the tank and shorts you were using as a cover-up and jumped into the cool water, Steve quickly following suit. The cold was a shock to your heated skin, but you welcomed it, taking your time to float back to the surface. Once you reached the surface you wiped the water from your eyes to look for Steve, only to find him right behind you in the water, hair an absolute mess and a hand reaching out for you. You took it, allowing Steve to pull you to him until you were settled in his lap, both of his arms around your waist to keep you flush against him.

Steve smiled at you then, squinting a little under the bright summer sun. "Hey, sweetheart."

"Hi," You answered back, winding your arms around his neck before kissing him, just because you wanted to. Just because you could.

His eyes were softer when you pulled back, his grip a little tighter as if he was scared you'd float away if he wasn't careful. But soon after you noticed it, it was gone, replaced with a look of mischief you remember all too well.

"Steve, what're you-" before you could finish your sentence he'd maneuvered your legs from around his waist, grabbing handfuls of your thighs and throwing you back under the water.

You were met with the cackle of Steve's laugh once you fight your way out again, "Way to ruin the moment, jackass."

"We'll make more," he told you, still smiling and you couldn't help but smile with him, not even minding when he lunged for you and pulled you under again, you taking him under, too.

The hours passed, and the splash fights under the hot sun made you both crave the lunch you packed sooner than later. You swam back near the shore together, Steve making his way back to the boat to grab the cooler while you headed to a large, flat rock that looked suitable for lounging near the water.

The two of you were quiet as you ate, side by side, thighs touching as he peeled your oranges for you and you split your sandwich with him. Nostalgia hit you like a freight train, and you remembered sitting on the edge of Lover’s Lake some time in your very late teens, you and Steve in this exact same position, eating Pringles and candy while you two talked about life and what the two of you wanted to be.

Part of you wondered, back then, if you and Steve would ever be something more. If you could ever stop being scared and tell him how you felt about him, if he would feel the same. But Steve still seemed hung up on Nancy and you were scared, because Steve was a good friend, and he was Steve and the thought of not having him in your life hurt. So, you stayed quiet, met your business professor in your second year at Hawkins Community College, and fell in love.

Or maybe lust, or just some false sense of security. Because he was an older guy, stable and sophisticated. He called you pretty and made you feel good and safe, enough to give everything up and make him your world. What a colossal fucking mistake.

Needless to say, you and Steve never became anything more until now. Now, sitting beside him on a beautiful cliff in Italy, you wondered if you could have been more. If you would have told him then, would he have surprised you, told you he felt the same and kissed you breathless?

Would everything be different today?

“How’d you decide on this place?” Steve asked you suddenly, effectively breaking you from the thoughts spiraling in your brain.

“You mean Italy?” When he nodded, you replied, “I knew I hated Hawkins and I hated seeing my fucking ex everywhere, so I needed to leave. We had talked about coming here, maybe for a honeymoon or something. I always thought the pictures looked so pretty, so I came. Leaving you guys was hard as fuck, though. The hardest thing I've ever done."

Steve looked at you then. Something in his gaze told you that he wanted to say something else, but he settled for, “I was proud of you for leaving, you know.”

“Oh yeah?”

“For sure. I mean, I’m still proud of you for getting out when you did. Wish you would have never even met that asshole, but y’know, I’m glad you did what you wanted to do. I’d say you picked a good place, though. I like it here. Can see why you love living here so much.”

There it was again, that little bit of hope that just kept growing and growing. The hope that maybe, just maybe, he’d get out of Hawkins, too. It was a pipe dream, you knew it, but that small fact didn’t squash whatever was blooming. But then:

"Even though I was also super bummed when you left. You know, I had a huge crush on you."

What?

"Wait, what?" You exclaimed, turning your body to face him because what a fucking bombshell.

He scratched the back of his neck, suddenly shy under your wide eyes. "Yeah, had a crush for a while, even when you were, uh, with that guy. Just never had the guts to tell you."

"Steve, I liked you too!" You whined, "I always thought you wanted Nancy! Why didn't you tell me?"

"Why didn't you tell me?" He countered, sounding flustered as ever. "I mean, I did still want Nancy, y'know, after we broke up, but that didn't really last long. Not after we started hanging more."

You groaned when you let your head fall into his shoulder, "Dammit Steve, you mean we could have been doing this when I was still in Hawkins?" Your mind was racing, your heart felt like it was about to beat right out of your chest. The missed opportunities and what ifs flew through your mind at the thought, and it nearly made you sick. Because for so long, having Steve as you did back in Hawkins was enough for you, but God you wanted so much more. And now you knew that you could have had it.

The thought that Steve could have been yours for so much longer than these fleeting summer months, that maybe if one of you would have actually had the guts to speak your mind, everything would be different. Maybe you two would have been together. Hell, the two of you may have even been married by now, with one or two little Harrington spawn running rampant all over Hawkins.

The thought made your heart hurt.

"Yeah, guess we could've been," he said it more to himself than to you and it sounds a little like regret. You were both quiet as you sat there, your forehead to his shoulder and his hand on your bare back. You wondered if he was thinking the same thing you were, wondering where you went wrong, how you could be so stupid.

You wondered what this revelation meant for the two of you.

August

The month of August was one of the best you could remember.

August slipped away into a moment in time

'Cause it was never mine

After working overtime for the first two weeks of the month, you had managed to convince your boss to let you take your summer holiday during the last two weeks of August. It was normally unheard of, since most of the continent was on summer holiday and it was still peak tourist season, but you somehow managed to convince him that your second in command could handle the winery for a couple weeks.

Begrudgingly, he agreed.

Steve was set to leave on the last day of the month, since the school year was beginning just after the start of September. While you didn’t understand how that would leave him with enough time to get himself ready for the new school year, you didn’t question it.

You had your friend for a little longer, and that’s all that really mattered to you.

Steve had insisted that the two of you do something fun for your last weeks together, promising to foot the bill and make it memorable for the both of you. After too many pretend arguments that almost always ended in kisses and one of you underneath the other in your bed, the two of you landed on Barcelona. It was freeing, to pack a bag and just leave for a good reason this time, with a good man with good intentions by your side.

You and Steve went without a plan, apart from Steve booking The Serras Hotel for you both. It was a lovely old building, with bed linens softer than any fabric you'd ever felt in your life and a perfect view of the water from your room.

If you didn't know any better, you'd think Steve was trying to impress you.

Your days were spent consuming your weight in paella and sangria, then walking it off in the city, only to find more delicious food in the evenings. Dancing the nights away at whatever little night club you walked by that looked interesting. Going to the beach, then deeming it entirely too overrun by people, then opting to go back and spend the day at the rooftop pool instead. You did whatever you wanted, or whatever Steve wanted, with no rules and it was some of the best times you could remember.

Near the end of your trip, you and Steve decided to spend the day trying to find the Sagrada Familia simply by wandering the city. Steve had said that "It's such a tall, pointy building, how hard could it be to find?" And who were you to argue with that very sound logic?

It turned out, finding a 'tall, pointy building' was, in fact, very difficult when you were on the ground and literally every building around you was a tall building.

The two of you wandered for hours, stopping for a quick lunch only to walk some more. Your legs were tired, your back ached (Steve tried to carry both his bag and yours, but you shut him down every time). Near two in the afternoon, you were tempted to beg him to just get a fucking cab, but you didn't really mind because Steve never let go of your hand for the entire walk, and he never stopped trying to make it all a little more bearable. And God, it worked. He didn't even have to try to make you smile, really. He just had that effect on you now.

It was that day that you realized something very important, and very fucking terrifying.

That day, as you were both sweaty and sticky, tired from walking and not minding one bit because Steve was by your side, you realized that you had fallen in love with him over the summer.

Or had you fallen back in love? Had the love you felt for him in Hawkins ever really left you? You thought that it had, because it had been years. Years of a failed love with someone else, of moving to a different country and leaving everything you knew behind. You thought that the mark Steve left on your heart had faded away long ago, but now, you weren't so sure it had ever left.

Sometimes you swore you could see it in his eyes, too. Not just lust, but some sort of adoration that went far beyond the bedroom or the realm of friendship. You thought you saw it in the way he held you at night, the way he never let go of your hand in the busy city streets. It wasn't just Steve being Steve; no, there was something else there. Something else beyond the nice gestures and sweet smiles.

You almost asked him about it countless times. If his feelings for you lingered like yours did. If they were somehow found again over the summer, or you were just making things up in your head.

But once again, you were too scared. You never did ask.

On the last night of your stay, you were both tired of the sweaty nightclubs and busy streets, so you opted for walking down to the beach to get away from the tourists instead.

The beach was peaceful as you spread a blanket out onto the cool sand. It was almost empty, save for the random passerby every now and then. The only sounds were the soft crashing of waves, the distant sounds of the city, and Steve’s voice in your ear as the two of you talked about the trip, the summer, what to eat for breakfast before heading back to the airport in the morning.

Never about what was coming in a couple day’s time. Not about him leaving, and not about what would come after.

That was okay, though.

Because you were together, for now. You and Steve, sitting side by side, stealing kisses between watching the waves lap at the shore.

"Good idea, huh? Coming here?" Steve said, gesturing at nothing, but you assumed he meant the overall trip.

You agreed. "Yeah, although you didn't have to do all this. You could at least let me pay you-"

"Nope, not a chance. This was paid for and sponsored by the Harrington Estate, thank you very much."

This was the first time he'd mentioned anything about what had happened ever since that first night. "Do you wanna talk about it?" You asked softly.

"About my dad? No, told you, I'm fine."

"Steve, are you sure?"

You felt Steve shift beside you then, mirroring him when he sat cross-legged to face you. "Hey, I promise I'm fine, okay? We hadn't talked in a few years before, anyway. Sure, he was my father, but he wasn't a dad. So, I'm okay. And if I'm ever not okay, I'll let you know, okay? I'll call you up and you can listen to me scream and cry. I promise."

You snorted despite the moment, "That'd be a hell of a phone bill."

"I don't care. I miss hearing your voice anyway. Letters aren't really the same, you know?"

You did know, they really weren’t the same. They were never enough, and they'd never be enough, especially after this summer.

Steve spoke again, "Are you okay? After everything that went down in Hawkins?"

"Oh, yeah! Yeah, I've been good. Went through a period of berating myself for being so fucking stupid, but that's about it."

"We all do stupid shit when we're in our twenties. I think you're good."

You offered him a nod, "I forgave myself for it a while back. I just wish things could've been different." You hope he'd catch the meaning behind your words, that you wished things could have been different for you and Steve. That maybe the two of you could have built a life together.

You didn’t miss the pain in his eyes before he averted your gaze, the nod of his head that told you that he knew exactly what you meant, and yeah, he felt it, too. "Yeah, wish they were different, too." He brought his hand to your bare knee, tracing some pattern onto the skin, "I'm gonna miss the hell outta you, you know that?"

A lump formed in your throat at his words, at how tender he was being, so you only nodded. Afraid that you’d let out a sob if you did anything else. So, you just laid a hand on his, squeezing, almost as if he’d float across the ocean right then and there. Because you were going home tomorrow, and Steve was leaving you the day after, and you weren't ready for that yet. He seemed to understand your silence, so he didn’t wait for you to respond. He already knew what the answer would be, anyway. Instead, his free hand found the nape of your neck, tangling through the hair there and pulled you closer to him, pressing his lips to yours. The kiss was a little clumsy, and a little messy, but neither of you seemed to care because the time was slipping through your fingers like the sand underneath you.

And as the two of you fell back into bed together that night, something shifted. It felt different than all of the other times over the summer. It was like it always was, in a way, with Steve pressing his lips on any bare skin he found and whispering praises against you, but it felt different this time. This time, he made sure to take his time with you, exploring all he could, leaving marks he was sure would last for longer than his remaining time with you.

This time, it felt like saying goodbye.

So much for summer love and saying "us"

If Steve noticed the way your mood would randomly sour during those last few days, or why you got a faraway look in your eye on the plane ride back to your home, he never commented. He'd always bring you back with sweet nothings and a kiss to take you out of your funk. You wondered if he was distracting you on purpose or if he was just that clueless.

It would work, obviously. His little distractions would remind you that he was still here, still yours for a little while longer and you'd force the thoughts to the back of your mind. But they always came back, haunting you.

The metaphorical tick of the clock was always there in your mind, because time was running out.

You wondered what would happen after. When Steve got on that plane back to America. Would things be as they were? A letter exchanged every few weeks, an email every other day once you both were able to get a computer? Would Steve ask you to go back to Hawkins to visit, or would he want to come back here to see you? How often would you be able to see one another? Because before, when you and Steve were just good friends, you both went five years without seeing one another, and somehow, you'd both survived. Letters sent across an ocean was enough. The wanting to see each other again was enough. But would it be enough now? How could it ever be?

You wondered if he would ask you to go home with him.

Would he want you to be with him, back in Hawkins? Would he want you to leave with him? Leave the life you've created for yourself here? If he begged you to run away with him, would you?

Or, would he want to stay here in Italy? Pack up his old life and build a new one in a new country? Shit, could you even ask him to do that?

More importantly, would he say yes if you did?

Livin' for the hope of it all, for the hope of it all

The morning of August 31st came way too soon.

You and Steve had been sitting on your bedroom floor all morning, packing the last of his things in between sipping coffee and reminiscing about the months you'd spent together before you had to leave for the airport after lunch. The coffee did little to soothe the knot in your stomach, but you held onto your mug anyway, needing something to do with your hands. A thought had been eating at you for the past few days; worming its way into your brain until you could hardly think about anything else.

Because little sparks of hope had been lighting all summer. Comments made by Steve about the country, kisses pressed into your skin under bedsheets, laments about Steve not wanting to go back to Hawkins. They all bundled together and lit a fire of hope in your heart.

But what was the phrase, hope is a dangerous thing?

You wondered if you should just get it out. If you should ask the question that had been on the tip of your tongue for days. It might have been selfish, or wrong, to ask. It might have blown up in your face, but you had to ask. No more being scared to speak up for what you wanted.

“Can we talk about something?” You asked suddenly. When Steve nodded, you opened your mouth to speak, closed it, then repeated the process. Now, that you had his attention, you couldn’t get the correct words out. Finally, you settled for, “Did you like it here?”

Steve didn’t answer right away, seemingly perplexed by your random question. “Yeah, I loved it here. Y’know, the food was awesome, I liked where you worked, it was cool. And yeah, being with you was amazing. Why?”

You considered his answer, averting his gaze when you asked your follow up, “You ever think about leaving Hawkins, too?”

“Sweetheart, what-”

“Would you want to stay here with me?” The silence that followed your question was deafening. After a beat, you allowed yourself to meet Steve’s eyes again to try and figure out what he was thinking.

“Do you mean to- I, what do you mean?”

“I mean you could stay. This summer with you has been amazing and I-I think we would be good together. Would you ever consider it? We used to talk about leaving Hawkins, when we were younger - do you still think about it?”

He stood then, running his fingers through his hair. When he remained silent you continued on, rising to your feet as well. You felt frantic, like you had to explain yourself more. “You could go home, you know, get everything in order, but then come back, if you wanted? And then we could be together, like, actually together. Would you ever want that?”

Steve sighed then, a loud sound that made you stop in your tracks. “Sweetheart, I can’t just not go back, or go back just to leave again. What the hell would I even do here? I can't just pick up a teaching career in Italy, can I?” You hated how his voice sounded regretful, almost pitying and damn near making you cry, but then he surprised you.

“Would you want to come home with me?”

His words were a shock to your system. They knocked the air right out of your lungs. His eyes were on you, and they broke your heart because they were pleading, begging you to say yes. You couldn't think, could barely fucking breathe because didn't you want this? Didn't you want to be together with Steve? Didn't you want to keep him forever, build a life with him? To wake up in the morning close to him, sip coffee across from each other before work? Go home to him every night, instead of an empty apartment?

It sounded nice, right?

But could you leave this? This little idyllic part of the world you’d called home for years now? The job you loved, and you had friends here, too. Could you be happy back in your shitty little hometown again? Worst of all, what if you did leave with him, and everything would blow up in your face? What if you followed Steve home, only to realize that you were only good for each other for a short while, and not for the long haul? And then you two would break up and have to see each other all over Hawkins, remembering what you gave up here?

You didn’t know if you would be able to handle that.

Steve continued, “I thought about it too - it started in Barcelona - I was thinking about how much fun we had this summer, right? And thinking about leaving hurts, and it's 'cause I'm leaving you. So, would you ever consider coming back? Fuck, you could even come with me right now, I’ll buy you a ticket, I don’t care-"

You knew what he meant, because the thought of him leaving was killing you. You hated knowing that you wouldn’t wake up next to him in the morning, and that you had no idea when you’d see him again. Still, you knew the answer to his question, and you hated that you had to give it.

"Steve, I don't want to go back." You tried to take a breath, but you couldn't calm yourself because you saw the hurt in Steve's eyes at your words. "I wanna be with you, I want it so badly, but not there. I can't just leave. I can't leave this just to go back to Hawkins."

You watched as he physically deflated, his disappointment quickly turning to indignation. "You're saying you'd never go back? For anything?"

"I- fuck!" You brought your hands to your eyes, rubbing until you saw stars, remembering the question you had tortured yourself with for days.

If he begged you to run away with him, would you?

You had wanted the option for the whole summer. You wanted Steve to ask you to be with him, even if you didn't know if you could leave with him. Or, at the very least, you wanted him to want to stay. To fall in love with the country like you did and want to make his own life here.

“I can’t leave this,” you said, tears gathering on your lash line because it killed you to say those words.

You watched as his eyes narrowed, shoulders rolled back, and you could practically see the fight ignite in his eyes, “Are you saying you won’t come back for me? After all this? You won’t come back, but you expect me to just stay here ‘cause you asked?”

“You’re a fucking Harrington, you can do whatever you damn well please. Hell, you booked this trip on a whim, you could stay on a whim if you wanted!”

“It’s not that easy!” He wasn't screaming, but the sudden volume of his voice startled you. “In case you haven’t noticed, we’re adults now! We’ve got things to take care of, so no, I can’t just stay on a whim.”

He moved closer to you then, “You know what I think it is? I think you’re just scared. You were scared back then, after all that shit happened so you just left! You left me, and everyone else. You just ran away from your problems because you were a coward, and you’re still a coward.”

“Don’t call me a fucking coward!” you yelled, voice cracking, and you hated how his words cut you because this felt a lot like a breakup, like you were losing him for good. This felt like the end.

It wasn't supposed to end like this.

Steve only continued, and you saw a glimpse of the old King Steve that you thought he had left behind. Biting, out for blood. “No, I think you’re just scared. You’re scared to admit how you feel, scared to leave this little bubble you’ve created for yourself.”

“Dammit Steve, you want me to admit how I really feel?” You felt your tears flowing freely at this point, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care. “Yes, I’m scared to go back because I’m scared that it’ll all be for nothing! I’ll go back, and we’ll realize that we were only part-time soulmates, and then I’ll be miserable again. Because that would hurt even more than this does, and this hurts like hell.”

He was silent, his eyes were softer but you couldn't stop. "Why can't we be together here?" You begged, "Why can't we just stay here?"

When you were only met with his silence once more, you realized that you were at an impasse. Neither of you were willing to give up the lives you've built in order to build another life miles away, not even for each other. You both seem to come to this realization at the same time, because Steve's shoulders sag, and your breath hitches, and you see the shine of tears line Steve's eyes. You realize that the time for the two of you had passed, and that you're not going to be together after this. Now, you're just two people who fell in love at the wrong time.

"This isn't gonna work, is it?" His voice is lower now, but you don't miss the way it hitches at the end. "You're not coming with me."

You shake your head, heart sinking at the finality of his statement because this was it, "And you're not staying here."

"No, I can't, sweetheart."

You were expecting that answer, you knew that answer, but hearing it still stings. Because while you knew it was selfish, you wanted to keep him here, all for yourself. Even if you knew how unrealistic that dream was.

But the dream was over.

"Hey, come here," he whispered, and you didn't hesitate to fall into him when he reached for you. “I’m sorry for yelling; I didn’t mean to call you a coward. I didn’t mean any of it.”

You allowed the tears to fall, dropped your head to rest on his chest one more time. His grip around your waist was crushing and you felt the wetness of his own tears on your neck, but you didn't dare pull away from this. You breathed him in to ground yourself; rosemary and mint shampoo, fresh coffee, remnants of his cologne mixed with your laundry soap. The mix was intoxicating, comforting, and you wished you could bottle it up, save it for when your apartment would feel empty once he was gone.

Because you knew it would. You’d feel him everywhere, his side of your bed, his favorite coffee mug, the mark he'd left on your heart. He’d linger for long after he was on that plane.

“For what it’s worth, I love you” you said, your voice barely above a whisper.

“Well that doesn’t do us any good now, does it? It might be the worst thing I’ve heard you say all summer” he responded with a caustic chuckle. “But for what it’s worth, I love you, too. You know that.”

Though it was hard to admit to yourself, you saw the bitter irony and humor in it all and found yourself letting out a small laugh through your tears. The two of you stood for a few more minutes, not wanting to break contact, but knowing it was inevitable.

"What happens now? Still friends?" You heard him mutter against your shoulder, felt him hug you a little tighter like he was scared to let go. You were glad that you weren't facing one another now, because you hated to lie to his face.

If you were honest, you'd say that you'd try to stay friends, but that wasn't really going to happen, was it? Not after everything that happened over these months. No, Steve would go home, you'd both write to each other for a while, acting like you never broke each other's hearts. But then, Steve would find someone else, and maybe you would, too, and the letters would just bring up glorious, painful memories about what happened here. What could have been if things had been different back home. And then, pretty soon, you would both forget about this summer. The pictures on your fridge would fade and eventually Steve would just be someone you knew in a past life.

You could try to keep things as they were, but soon, you'd drift apart. No matter how much you both wanted to pretend that you wouldn't. That's just how life goes.

"Yeah, Steve," you said, tears flowing freely, unashamed of the way you were clinging to him before this moment was over. "Still friends, always."

#steve harrington #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x you #steve harrington x fem #steve harrington fic #steve harrington smut #steve harrington fluff #steve harrington imagine #stranger things #st #steve harrington fanfic #stranger things fanfiction #steve harrington angst #steve harrington fandom #steve harrington one shot #steve harrington x reader smut #joe keery

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f10werfae · 2 years

Text

Written on Polaroids

Pairing: Husband! Chris Evans x Plus size! Latina! Reader

Disclaimer: This story is fiction and should not be taken literally, the behaviour is simply imaginative and the content may be inappropriate

Word count: 1,380

Summary: Request with a filthy smut 😍 (no for real i need to now go say the rosary and pray)

Warnings: Unprotected sex, spit play, dirty talk, breeding kink, n idk what else 🤞

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Requests are open!

Likes, Comments and Re-blogs are appreciated♥️

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(Chris' P.O.V)

I greeted the likes of Downey and Mackie as I got onto set, the loud shouts of production filling my ears

Heading into my trailer, pictures of me and my lovely wife were littered everywhere, pictures from our wedding day or when she brought me home to (Insert country)

I was blessed with such an amazing woman, don’t even get me started on her body.

Sitting by my desk, I took off my backpack, reaching in for my script notebook

“Ah shit” Instead of my usual green book, I was instead holding a fluffy pink book in my hands, how the hell did I make that mistake.

“Musta taken Y/n's by mistake” Throwing it onto the desk, something fell by my feet, my eyes instantly widening when I picked it up.

“That minx” Twirling the polaroid in my hand, a picture of us immediately after sex stared back at me, both our bodies covered but our faces still in that post-sex haze.

The back of the photo was dated “14/2/22 Valentines day with Chris <3”

Let’s just say my curiosity got the better of me and I wanted to have a snoop through her book, she wouldn’t mind right?

Ignoring the warnings on the front page, partly because they were in Spanish that was wayyy still too advanced for me. The first few pages were just her detailing what went on during the day, chuckles leaving me every time she complained about how i’d leave a dirty plate out.

Then came the pages where the dates showed I was away filming, these pages broke my heart. Details of her day without me, consisted of caring for Dodger, going to work and as she said “moping around”

“Woahohoho” Turning to the next few pages, my eyes jumped to random words such as ‘dick’ on the page sticking out. The dates saying the times I had come home after weeks away, multiple pictures of us post sex all over the double page spread.

“So this is what she does with the pictures she takes” I said out to myself, remembering the times she’d jump out of bed and ask to take a photo of us, more often than not, ending up with me asking for a separate copy to bring with me in my wallet.

Starting to read the first paragraph

“Within seconds of him getting through the front door, his eyes instantly bore into mine, a primal growl leaving him as he picked me up and dragged me upstairs to our bedroom.

His paws clawing away at my clothes, his face smothered into the crook of my neck placing kisses everywhere, leaving me breathless.

With both of us now naked, he placed a wet open mouthed kiss on my lips, all teeth and spit.

Dragging himself down my body to face my wet centre, he dragged a finger down my folds, instantly making me shudder.

He made a comment about wanting to be smothered between my thighs, always wanting to be between my legs, because that’s where he belonged…”

Deciding not to read further, I felt my cock start to ache in my pants, the thought of her filling my mind.

Stuffing her book back into my backpack, I rushed out of my trailer, shouting excuses of major migraines before bolting for my car.

All through the ride home all I could think about were her fleshy tits and kissing them as I pummelled my cock into her pussy.

Parking into the driveway, I rushed inside the house throwing the bag to the side, not announcing my arrival yet.

The sound of her playlist filled the house along with the smell of her famous Empanadas. Smiling to myself at the thought of it all, I sauntered into the kitchen, any pure thoughts I had flying out the window.

There she was, the love of my life, standing in nothing but an oversized shirt, swaying her hips to the music, is she seriously trying to kill me?

Turning around shocked her eyes widened before she greeted me, “Hola Papi? I thought you wouldn’t be home until late”

Dropping her makeshift microphone, her voice like music to my ears.

She walked over, her hands going around my waist as she looked up at me with those beautiful eyes of hers, my home.

“You are in trouble” I whispered, crooking my neck down to meet her lips in a passionate kiss, my hands holding onto her love handles.

“Eh? what’d I do my love?”

“This” I said grabbing her book out of my bag, in seconds she had snatched the book back and clutched it to her chest.

“It’s too late baby, I’ve already seen it” I pushed further, setting the book down away from the both of us, intertwining our hands as I lead her up the stairs.

“Now get on the bed, naked”

(Y/n's P.O.V)

Following his orders, I felt myself getting wetter as time went on, watching as he undid his belt and it all fell to the floor.

Reaching over to stroke him, he caught my hand, “Tonight, i’m taking care of you”

Laying back down he crawled over me, beckoning for me to open my mouth before spitting into it, then bringing me in for a sloppy kiss.

“You are so gorgeous” He beamed looking down at me, his hand caressing my cheeks before his attention went to my chest.

“God should I just knock you up? Make 'em even fuller? Make you a momma?” He whispered, groping one of my breasts in his hands.

A whimper leaving my mouth both from his words and touch.

“Please” I breathed out

“I haven’t even started yet and you’re already begging baby” He laughed, crawling further down, leaving kisses on my tits which were now glimmering in his saliva.

“I love this pussy of yours, fits me so well” He whispered out, placing a kiss right onto my clit making my legs shiver.

“Don’t even get me started on this thighs of yours, fuck I could just love on them forever” Hickies now littering my thighs as he teased closer and closer to my now aching pussy.

“F-fuck Chris” I moaned out, his tongue licking a stripe up my pussy, not letting down and just continuing to ravish it.

Wet filthy sounds filled the room along with our groans, and the occasional spank to my ass.

“Baby, i’m gonna cum” Holding onto his head, I started to grind against his face, groaning when he pulled away.

“You’re only cumming on my cock sweetheart, we both know that”

“Well fucking put it in then, coño”

“Patience or you get nothing” Running the tip up and down my slit, my hips bucked, a deep chuckle radiating through him.

“F-fuck sweets, I can feel your walls tightening around me, fits like a glove” He groaned out as he sank into me, his hands caressing my sides lovingly as he bent down to hover over me again.

Kisses placed all over my neck as he started to drive his cock into me, tears starting to brim as he shushed me gently, his forehead against mine while he placed kisses on my lips every now and again.

“J-just relax baby” He whispered out, one of his hands toying with my nipple before reaching down to circle my bundle of nerves, causing my legs to close in around his waist.

“Gonna fuck you so hard bub, make your pussy all puffy and swollen yeah?” He moaned out, bitting down on my shoulder as his thrusts became more frantic.

“Yeah baby, knock me up, wan’ have your baby Chrissy” Pulling his face up to meet mine, I swallowed his moans as our lips and tongues met in desperation for each otherwise touch.

“I’m cumming hun” I moaned out louder, his thumb now rapidly playing with my clit sending me into overdrive, “go on sweet girl, let it all out for me”

That was all that was needed to send me over the edge, his cum filling me up as we just lay there embracing each other, sensual kisses being placed everywhere.

“Hold on where are you going” I asked watching him get up and slowly moan as he pulled out, heading towards my bedside drawer.

“Polaroid”

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yeah idk I tried my best 🫡 Hope yall like it

#chris evans #chris evans oneshot #chris evans x reader #chris evans imagine #chris evans fanfiction #romance

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starrygemi · 2 months

Text

Taylor Swift songs that remind me of Stephanie Brown

Just finished up Steph’s pre-n52 appearances, so I have a right to do this now /lh /hj

These are songs that REMIND me of Stephanie Brown! The short list version without explanation, then the explanation in the second half. I tried very much to be unbiased, as most songs I listen to have imagery of Steph (or TimSteph) right now. Again, songs that REMIND me of her. I don’t think she’d like Taylor deeply, and honestly, I don’t think that hard towards what character would listen to.

Better Man tolerate it Dear John Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve A Place In This World* The Outside this is me trying* Tell Me Why* Fifteen Never Grow Up You’re On Your Own, Kid

When you fall in love with a character so deeply, every other interest you’ve had starts intermixing into and with them. Quite literally, everything starts reminding you of them, and your mind is just jumbled with all your interests trying to redirect it back to the character you’ve fallen in love with—and when you like something that the majority of the fandom dislikes, it’s kinda sad.

I’m not going to get into it, because this is a DC/Stephanie post—so just be nice to each other <3

Anyway! Lighter notes! I think Stephanie would be a Speak Now and Fearless girlie. I love Speak Now, so that may be a bias I have there. (Also Speak Now’s purple, soooo… /lh) This post also will not have anything from TTPD, because I need that to marinate a little longer. If I feel any of those songs fit Steph, I’ll add a reblog to this.

I've gotten a headache trying to figure out what's not allowing this to show up in tags, so here are just the screenshots of what I wrote. I can't keep "/"ing words 🤮🤮

Honorable Mentions:

I do think there are many songs from Taylor’s discography that can relate to Steph, but these were the ones’ that made it to my short playlist. In actuality, these are in honorable mentions, because I can't re-explain what's clearly given or I couldn’t articulate my reasoning properly, so you get this <3

A Place In This World "I'm alone, on my own, and that's all I know / I'll be strong, I'll be wrong, oh but life goes on / Oh, I'm just a girl, trying to find a place in this world" "Maybe I'm just a girl on a mission / But I'm ready to fly"

this is me trying "I didn't know if you'd care if I came back" "That this is me trying / At least I'm trying"

Tell Me Why "You took a swing, I took it hard / And down here from the ground, I see who you are" "You tell me that you love me, then cut me down" "But you know you got a mean streak / That makes me run for cover when you're around" "Why do you have to make me feel small / So you can feel whole inside?"

If for whatever reason you got here—please befriend me if you like Taylor and DC, I’d love to be friends 😭 If you have any Taylor songs that remind you of Steph (or honestly any of the Batfam), let me know!!! Because that’d be fun to dissect together!!

In regards to TTPD, I’ll reblog and add those later, but for now, I really still need to digest the album.

If I get attached and infatuated on a ship, they are no longer safe from every song being related back to them, so erm...I plan to do a “Taylor Swift songs that remind me of TimSteph,” because I already have a playlist for them 💀

#dc #dc comics #stephanie brown #taylor swift

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n0v4t33z · 9 months

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The Syndicate - Chapter 6 : Un-Killable

Pairings: Choi San X Female Reader, Park Seonghwa X Female Reader, Ateez X Female Reader

Genre: Lots of angst, Romance, Crime Fiction, Psychological Drama

Word Count: 5.8k

Tags/Warnings: For Mature Audiences, Language, Graphic Violence, Mentions of Illegal activities (i.e Kidnapping, extortion, assassination etc.), y/n gets roughed up by Wooyoung like twice , Slow Burn, Fluff sometimes, Work In Progress, Non-Idol AU, Mafia AU, Very suggestive at times, y/n cries alot, y/n having inner turmoil, Ateez being bad boys, Wooyoung and Yeosang are a little mean in this story tbh, Guns, Gunshot wounds, Assassination attempt(s), mentions death and acts of violence

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!!

Spotify Playlist🎵 | Series Masterlist📝

Author's Note 💌: Hi, It's been about two weeks since I posted the last chapter so I'm here to keep my promise about posting at least twice every month! Unfortunately I didn't realize how short this chapter actually is. Either way it's a good one though, there are also some parts I may fix and add onto later since I'm posting this close to 2 am and I'm exhausted so I hope you guys still enjoy it either way! ^^

‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆. ✧˚₊‧⋆‧‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆. ✧˚₊‧⋆‧‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆. ✧˚₊‧⋆‧‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆.

A whole 2 months passes by and I notice San has become somewhat distant and has been spending most of the time either in his office by himself or in the conference room with the rest of the guys. Although Seonghwa, Jongho, Yunho and Mingi still interact with me they become very vague anytime I ask them about San. There were a few occasions where I wanted to try and see what exactly they were talking about but because there's always a goon outside the door now keeping a lookout so I could never get close enough to hear. One day I asked Seonghwa why they spent so much time in the conference room and the only thing he told me is "We're sorting things out." As for me, this whole time after I ran the 3 people’s names in the police database and nothing came up I realized these people are basically ghosts with no paper trails on the database meaning I’ve been having to investigate on foot and tailing them. The only thing San left for me as a place of reference and a place to start was a club on the east side of the city which actually turned out to be a club named "Enigma" that they own under a fake identity but another thing San left on the note is that these 3 people are brothers who run an underground black market out of it. So far everything is fine with them, no meetings with any other rival groups. If anything, these brothers definitely know how to treat their allies by providing them with weapons and other resources that are otherwise considered inaccessible to which I'm assuming this is the reason San wants to work with them. Which leads me to where I am right now, heading home after a long couple of days of consecutively tailing and observing these people. What's been really weird is that San called me at least once everyday to check in on me in the beginning but it's been 2 weeks and nothing. I sigh while I look at the dark road ahead of me, taking in the scene of complete emptiness with a beautifully glittery night sky which left me feeling a bit emotional. I slowly begin to tighten my grip on the steering wheel. I’ve had so many chances to leave but why aren’t I taking them? Have I seriously grown attached?

I reach for my phone and very anxiously I glance at the screen while I keep my eyes on the road and look at my recent calls, the last time I called San was two days ago. I stare at his name on my screen for a few seconds and decide to just hit the call button. The ringing starts and by the 4th ring I'm sent to voicemail immediately making my heart sink. He didn't answer, again. My vision begins to blur the bright headlights and the road ahead of me slightly begins to distort until warm tears stream down my cheeks then I let out a small sigh “Why? What did you do to me?” Why do I have to make things more difficult for myself? The original plan was to have San trust me enough to let me leave his headquarters, but now that he's given me that permission I can't seem to leave. Why?

I try to compose myself and wipe my tears away with one hand while I keep my other hand on the steering wheel. In the distance I see the headquarters, and realize that most of the drive home I spent it worrying about him and questioning myself. When I arrive I walk inside headquarters I notice it seems empty, and by empty I mean too quiet. There's almost always someone in the building, whether it's Seonghwa drinking his tea in the lounge, Hongjoong on his computer in the server room, Wooyoung playing cards with Mingi, Yeosang and Yunho in the living room, even Jongho's occasional little breaks after he's been working all afternoon. So when I walk over to the lounge and notice it's completely empty my stomach feels like it flipped upside down. Where is everyone? I walk around the building and no one was there except of course the goons who keep watch on the building 24/7 now so I decide I'm going to just ask one of them as to why it's so empty because this is weird.

There’s a very tall and heavy build goon outside of San's office, he was so scary looking. Although his suit made him look a little less scary. "Um excuse me but where is everyone? Why is it so empty here?" Without flinching the man simply responds with "They're sorting out a few things they'll be back soon Miss y/n." I exhale then I run my fingers through my loosely curled hair "Okay yes, but where are they? What are they doing?" Keeping a straight face without even looking at me he responds "I'm sorry Miss y/n but that's all I know." I narrow my eyes in disbelief. Does he really think I’m that stupid? "That can't be, you have to know where they are. You were given orders by San not to tell me anything weren't you?" The man stands there looking straight ahead pretending he didn't hear me. I look at him for a few seconds more waiting if he'll say anything but he never does then I clench my jaw and say through my teeth "Fine, I'll take that as a yes." I scoff and walk away to my room, when I get there I throw myself onto my bed. I lay there in bed for a few minutes until I fall asleep.

A few hours later I hear commotion downstairs, it was San and the guys. ”I’m exhausted. Now all we need is to kill that old bastard.” Wooyoung comments. ”Well at least we’re done now, I thought it was going to take a lot longer to pull this off.” Hongjoong responds. I look over at the clock and it was around 4 am then I get up and hurriedly head downstairs and notice they’re all dressed in black like they were in a robbery of some sort. All the talking stops and becomes dead silent when everyone notices I’m in the room then Seonghwa walks towards me and nervously smiles “Hey, what are you doing here? Weren’t you on an errand?” I shrug with a straight face “I just got back a few hours ago, what about you guys? Why’s everyone dressed like this? Did I miss something?” San walks up to me and pats my back and smiles “Nothing, we just went to go handle something don’t worry about it.” I furrow my brows and look directly into San’s eyes “Let me guess you still went even after I told you not to…” San shakes his head and reassuringly pats my head “Didn’t we agree to forget about this? I said I wasn’t going to..” Seonghwa, MIngi, and Yunho look over at San with a very odd facial expression then Wooyoung says “You have your jobs and we have ours. San’s allowed to do what he wants it’s not like you’re his girlfriend.” I slowly nod and give Wooyoung and San a fake smile “Of course, you’re right. I was just wondering considering I've barely seen any of you at all I was just a bit worried.” Yeosang stares right at me with a deadpan face “Why do you even care? It’s not like we’re your friends.” Gosh, I know he’s right but wow that hurt. San's expression grows dark and Seonghwa puts his hand on Yeosang’s shoulder causing him to ease up a bit then I let out a frustrated sigh. Here we go again. “Well, maybe you might not be my friend but if you haven’t noticed there are other people I am friends with.” Wooyoung lets out a mocking laugh “Oh really? They’re your friends? If they were your friends they would have told you what was going on but clearly no one trusts you. You’ve only been here like what? 3 or 4 months and you already want to be let in on everything we do? Sounds just about right for an entitled cop.” San pushes Wooyoung and angrily says “Can you ever shut up?!” Yunho and Jongho rush over to separate them, Yunho holding San and Jongho holds Wooyoung respectively. As much as I’d love to be petty with Wooyoung and drop the bomb on San that his best friend thought it was a great idea to nearly kill me, I’ll keep that to myself. All in due time I guess. I don’t want to create anymore issues for these people. I bite the inside of my cheek trying to recover from that verbal jab. This is embarrassing, maybe Wooyoung is right they do have a right for not trusting me. Just because I gave them access to all these things doesn’t mean anything, for all they know I could be leading them to a trap so I don’t blame them for not trusting me. San angrily stares at Wooyoung "Oh come on San, calm down. I was just expressing everything in everyone's mind." Wooyoung fights back a smirk and San tries to reach over to him causing Yunho to tighten his grip on him.

"You don't speak for everyone here." Seonghwa speaks up looking directly at me reassuringly. Jongho speaks from behind Wooyoung "I agree with San and Seonghwa. You really don't speak for everyone here." Hongjoong sighs and nods "She's not so bad Wooyoung. You know this. You're just being hard headed and paranoid over this situation not to mention overtly territorial over San." Wooyoung lets out a laugh "Me paranoid?! Territorrial?! I know what these cops are capable of doing?! Did you guys forget what happened to San's father?! They easily get into your head and mess with it, they're master manipulators just like Lee. She's just like him and I'm only trying to protect him from things repeating themselves." There's a long silence, evreyone awkwardly looking at eachother. That's when I step in between San and Wooyoung causing evreyone's gaze to shift over to me. I slightly part my lips to speak but then a knot grows in my throat and press them shut. Maybe it's a good idea not to say anything right now and keep the peace. All this fighting isn't going to be worth it in the end. I can't change someone's mind whose already been made. Wooyoung can think anything he wants, I just don't want to hear it anymore. I turn my back to them and walk in the direction of my room.

In the distance I hear Yunho say “Come back just give her some time alone.” followed by fast paced footsteps until a few moments later I feel someone grab my wrist then I look back and it was San. He gently tugs my arm closer to him and I look down still slightly embarrassed for running off in a cowardly way. “y/n, wait… I’m sorry some of them haven’t warmed up to you but I promise it’s not your fault. I know you were just worried.” Beginning to feel drained I shake my head “I’m exhausted, we can talk tomorrow. Right now I just want to be alone.” San gently pushes back a few strands of hair “I understand, but please pay no attention to them especially Wooyoung. Nothing he says has an ounce of truth. I need you here with me, remember that.” I let go of San’s hand and walk towards my room leaving him behind me. When I walk into my room I lay there silently for a few moments until warm tears begin to sting my eyes. Once I get rid of Captain Lee I’m going to leave this place despite how deeply in love I am, or at least try to. I can’t keep putting myself through this.

The next morning while laying in bed I hear Wooyoung shouting in a panicked voice from outside in the hallway “San, they took down all security!” I sit up and quickly change clothes while listening closely to the commotion in the hallways, from what it sounds like someone took down the people guarding the HQ gates which is still kind of far considering we’re in the middle of nowhere. Suddenly San barges into my room with a slightly worried expression and says “y/n, the cops are on their way as we speak. Burn everything you can, everything on your computer wipe it and burn it too.” He hands me a gasoline can and some matches and pats my head “Everything will be okay I promise.” He smiles nervously and before he can walk away I pull on the sleeve of his rolled up dress shirt “Why are the cops coming? Is it because of what you guys were doing earlier today?” San’s smile disappears into a straight line and a serious expression then he runs his fingers through his hair “Please don’t get mad, I know you said you didn’t want me to follow through with breaking into the evidence room but I went ahead and did it anyway. I’m sorry. I genuinely thought everything went well I swear I made sure no one followed us but I guess I was wrong.”

I clench my free hand to the point my knuckles turn white. The silence between us lasted as a long instant, and while the anger welled up in my chest. He was looking at me with his gaze of expectation for me to simply forgive him and move on but as of right now I can’t. I won't. Instead it pisses me off because it seems like everything I tell him Is being ignored. Everything that’s happening right now was because of him but what do I expect from a criminal anyway? If anything I shouldn’t even be surprised, I should have known he was going to pull something like this. I raise my hand back and throw my hand forward as hard as I can, whipping it across his face. The crack of skin contacting skin echoed off the metal walls of my room. His face then turns back to me while he slowly runs his hand along his cheek and without another word I walk away. Part of me knows and is well aware I’m running away from my problems but at the moment I was more focused on escaping the police and wiping the computer of any evidence, I can’t get caught now. Nobody can find out I was kept alive.

I run into my work room and over to the computer and begin trying to reimage it to delete all the data on the hard drive then the screen shows a percentage bar and on the bottom of it read “Time Remaining: 35 minutes” I rub my forehead in frustration and grab the tower of the computer, toss it across the room a few times until it eventually splits open then I grab the can of gasoline and pour most of it on the motherboard and the hard drive. I pull out a match from the match box in my pocket and light it then flick it directly inside the computer case immediately igniting a huge fire. After burning a few papers and files I head down the hallway and I notice Yeosang looking out the window and calmly loading his gun while gazing into the distance then I realize he was looking at the various police cars, a helicopter and a few SWAT vehicles getting in position. Someone taps my shoulder and when I turn it was Mingi, he hands me a gun and says “Good luck” I nod taking the gun making sure there was ammo “Same to you.” Out of seemingly nowhere Yeosang begins to shoot causing me to slightly jump. San immediately runs out of his office with a gun in hand then he grabs my hand and leads me downstairs towards the back exit. “We’re going to head outside, there’s a secret escape route I built in the forest so I hope you have your walking shoes on because it’s going to be a long walk.” While he opens the door I say “Where’s everyone else?” He peaks outside and says “Mingi and Yeosang are going to buy us time. Everyone else is already in the forest.” Suddenly Wooyoung runs up behind us and pats San’s shoulder. “Everything is clear, lower associates were sent to distract the feds.” San nods and says “Did you turn on the self destruct device in the server room?” Wooyoung nods and smirks “Yep, everything is in order.” He steps outside in front of San and hides behind a car outside then motions us to follow behind him and just a few seconds after giving us the signal he motions us to stop and stay low. Then I hear a familiar voice.

“Let the girl go Choi San…” My stomach drops and I look up and see that In the helicopter was my partner Detective Chris and Captain Lee looking over his shoulder and right next to them was a sniper. I tightly squeeze his hand and San turns and looks at me “You’ll be okay, worst case is they’ll shoot me and not you.” Captain Lee speaks into the mega phone and says “Give it up son, you lost and it was all because you’re so reckless. You got so sloppy but don’t worry though I’ll clean the mess you left and I’ll start by shooting your little friend over here.” The red laser from the sniper’s gun points right at Wooyoung’s head “And then you.” Wooyoung looks at San and slightly nods and begins to run towards the forest. Almost instantly he gets shot in the chest instead from the sudden movement. His body falls limply on his side while he clutches onto his chest and struggles to breathe. My stomach drops and San lets out a scream calling out Wooyoung’s name with tears welling up in his eyes in anger “I’m going to kill you bastard!!” I clutch onto San's arm holding the gun in my other hand tightly with my eyes blurring with tears. Captain Lee smirks “You know what, I take it back. I won’t shoot you that’s letting you off easy...I want you to suffer by watching all your little mobster trash die.”

Seeing Wooyoung on the ground didn’t bring me satisfaction, instead I begin to cry at the sight of his breathing slowing down. Despite everything he’s done to me I couldn’t let San suffer again, as angry and pissed off as I am with him right now for putting us in this situation he doesn’t deserve to lose his bestfriend. Wooyoung needed help and fast but the only way to get him that help is if I turn myself in and somehow convince them to step back. I hate the idea that I won't have that anonymity anymore but this is a matter of life or death. If I can prevent someone from dying then I'm sure it'll be worth it no matter how painful it is. Suddenly, an idea pops up in my head, it was one I really didn't want to do but my only hope is that it all goes smoothly. I step in front of San with my back facing the helicopter which causes San to pull me closer to him into a hug. i gently press the barrel of the gun I have onto his stomach and he leans in close to my ear and whispers “What are you doing angel eyes? Whatever is going on in that little head of yours just stop, I don’t want you to get hurt. Please.” He sniffles burying his face in my hair trying to hide the fact that he was slightly teary eyed “Sannie, do you trust me?” He talks into my neck “Yes of course I trust you.” Staying still and keeping my voice calm I say “Keep your head down and shoot the sniper.” His voice goes an octave higher while keeping his head down buried into my neck and says “What?! Why?!” Keeping my calm I press the gun a little more onto his stomach “Do it. Shoot the sniper, trust me.” From the corner of my eye I see San’s arm go up and shoot in the sniper’s direction and as soon as he shoots I move just a bit to where the sniper’s bullet hits my right shoulder. I let out a scream in agonizing pain from the impact of the hot metal burning deep in my shoulder causes me to slightly jerk forward and drop the gun in my hand. I push San with the strength from the adrenaline coursing through my veins back into the building and I run towards the helicopter while I clutch onto my shoulder with tears in my eyes. This was all for nothing, so much for getting rid of this man from the shadows.

“There’s a bomb in there! Please Captain Lee, Chris we have to get out of here and remove everyone from the perimeter!” I look back and see San was no longer in the doorway, both Chris and Captain Lee look at me in awe then look at each other a few seconds. Eventually Chris lets down a ladder, helps me climb up and sit down. He sits next to me and looks over at Captain Lee “Captain, we have to take her to the hospital now!” I lay there growing more exhausted by the second due to blood loss until I manage to mutter “Captain, remove everyone from this perimeter now or we’re all going to die.” Chris looks at me and shakes his head while he keeps pressure on my wound “No, we can’t. We have a warrant for San’s arrest we can’t just let him escape” I grab Chris’s forearm and squeeze it from the pain and slight impatience “Trust me, I know he’s going to fuck up again this won’t be the last time. The bomb, please. We have to get out of here we don’t have much time left..” Chris turns to Captain Lee giving him a worried look then Captain Lee looks down at the building for a few moments that felt like an eternity and eventually looks over at me and Chris “Alright, but only because I trust Detective y/ln and know she’ll be able to catch this scum again.” He looks over at the pilot and says “Take us to the nearest hospital please.”

He speaks into his radio “We’ve got a code 4, change of plans, we found Detective y/n y/ln alive and well. Clear the area, over.” Is he really going to act like he didn’t leave me for dead? Is this a favor that later on he’s going to try to use as leverage to somehow blackmail me? A voice answers back on the radio “Disregarding, all units will return back to the station. Over.” I did it, but this was too easy… Luckily the server room self distructing came in handy so technically I wasn’t lying. Chri’s voice interrupts my thoughts and says “So you’re alive? I’m so glad you’re okay but how? I saw your dead body, how is that possible?” I struggle to breathe then I sit there focusing on my breaths until Captain Lee sits next to the seat where Chris and I were sitting and says “Detective Bang stop asking her questions, can’t you see she has a bullet inside her?” Chris’s voice slightly shakes a bit and says “I’m sorry sir, I’m just in shock she’s alive. I saw her charred body, her police badge, everything." I feel my eyes slowly begin to close, my consciousness felt like it was slipping away until everything goes dark.

When I wake up, I scan the room and realize I'm at the hospital. That’s when it all comes back to me, I hope San is okay and he managed to escape along with everyone else. Especially Wooyoung, I really hope he made it as well. I turn and notice Chris is asleep then In a low whisper I say “Chris?” Immediately I see Chris sit up and say “Oh hey y/ln you’re up, how are you feeling?” I nod my head slightly and look down at the IV needle in my hand while he proceeds to talk “I’m so glad it wasn't anything serious, I waited for you to wake up and ask if you wanted to see your family. I’m sure you miss them. I didn’t call them right away since I didn’t want you to be overwhelmed.” I shake my head and I say in a low voice “Don’t tell them I’m alive... Please.” Chris furrows his brows and gives me an odd look “Why not?” I stare off into the distance trying not to make eye contact with him “Promise me you won’t tell anyone especially Captain Lee.”

Chris leans in close to me then I lean in a bit more and whisper “I’m going to run away. I think it’s best for me to disappear considering AS is going after me and I don’t want my family to get killed.” I still can’t believe I’m lying through my teeth, who am I trying to save? San or me? Maybe both. Chris responds in a worried tone “It’s okay we can get you into the Witness Protection Program., you can get your life back.” I sigh and shake my head “No Chris, I’m doing this without the help of the government or the police.” Chris’s jaw tenses up and sits there looking at the ground for a few seconds. “Please, don’t tell anyone Chris. Promise me. You also have to make sure Captain Lee doesn’t release the news of me being alive to the media as this is going to make it even harder for me.” He lifts his gaze and meets my eyes and smiles “Of course I promise, we’re partners after all. We’re under oath to protect one another but promise, you’ll reach out to me occasionally. I just want to make sure you’re alive and well.” I nod then I sit up “Of course as long as you keep my existence a secret, but I do have one more thing to tell you and this one is much more serious because it’s about Captain Lee.” I hope he doesn’t tell him, but who else can I trust? Besides having someone to lean on he might be of help. He scrunches his face in curiosity then looks at the door “What about him? Is it something bad?” I bite the inside of my lip then I take a deep breath and blurt out “Captain Lee works for The Obsidian Dragon, Aurora Syndicate’s rival. I know this because I saw a whole file documenting him being associated with the mafia with pictures and everything.” Chris smirks holding in a small laugh “What? Are you sure that’s not the morphine talking? Why would he even work for the mafia to begin with?” Oh no, he’s asking questions. “He was a close friend of the Choi family, specifically The Phantom. He’s the reason that the whole shootout happened, he sold The Phantom’s location in exchange for money.” Chris’ hand reaches up to his mouth then says “Wait what? So he knew who was behind all of that? No wonder he would always breathe down our necks and constantly check the leads. How much was he given?” I tap my finger on my chin “50 grand if I remember correctly.” He blinks in shock then says “Okay wow that’s quite a bit of money. Yeah, I get why you’re in a hurry to hide. You know too much.” And I know so much more but I can’t tell you the rest.

“Yep..” There was a long silence but Chris clears his throat and says “So uh I have a question and it’s kind of random...Why was San holding you like that?” I raise my eyebrow “How so? What do you mean?” He rests his cheek on his hand “You know like weirdly close, like he had a thing for you. His hand around your waist.” I shrug and look out the window “I don’t know, maybe because he thought of me as an object more than a person. His meat shield.” Hopefully by telling him everything he wants to hear it’ll help me get him off my back, even if those said answers aren’t how I truly feel at all. He can’t find out I’m protecting San. From the corner of my eye I see Chris’s eyes move from looking at the door back to me “Did he ever do anything to you?” While looking out the window I run my finger along the IV tube “I don’t know I was drugged the majority of the time I was there, I can’t remember anything.” Chris puts his head down and rubs his forehead while gently tapping his foot on the floor “I swear to god y/n if he did anything to you…” I shake my head “Nah, despite how scary he is he never put his hands on me.” He raises an eyebrow “How do you know? You were drugged the whole time..” I look down at the dusty pink blanket on my body “Because he was the one who would make the beatings stop, besides I’m sure if he did anything to me my body would remember it. Instead I just remember that evreytime I was being beat he’d scold the person doing it.” That feeling, that pit in my stomach. My eyes well up with tears and Chris reaches for my hand “I’m sorry, I can’t talk about this. Just remembering it brings it all back” Chris nods giving me a reassuring hand squeeze “I’m sorry, we don’t have to talk about it anymore. You should rest, we'll talk about it later when you feel better.” He adjusts my pillow slightly so that I'm able to lay back a little bit again. "Thanks Chris, you should nap too. You look exhausted." He gives me a weak smile "I should be watching you. It's okay." I shake my head "I insist, it's kind of weird knowing you're just watching me sleep. A nap will most definitely not hurt you." He looks into the distance and slowly nods his head almost like he was thinking whether or not he should do it "Alright, if that makes you comfortable y/ln, just know if I hear the door open I will wake up.." I chuckle nervously "Yeah, I know" I hope he falls into a deep sleep otherwise I'm screwed.

A few hours later I wait until Chris is fast asleep in his seat then I begin taking the tubes and IV’s off of me and I put on my pants and shoes making sure I also take the phone San gave me. I look over and glance over at chris to make sure he was still asleep then I carefully open the door wide enough for me to slip out the hospital. Luckily because of the lack of use my phone still had battery so I enter a gas station restroom near the hospital and call San. I anxiously hold the phone to my ear while it rang a few times then on the other line San answers the phone and excitedly I say “San?!” In a surprised tone he answers “y/n?! Where are you? Are you okay?” Relieved to hear his voice again I say in a slight hushed tone “I’m at the gas station bathroom a few blocks from the hospital, I escaped but um what about Wooyoung, is he okay?” I anxiously brush my index finger over the smooth surface of the back of the phone while I wait for him to answer. “He’s fine now angel eyes. He got a pierced lung but he’ll be okay don’t worry.” I let out a sigh of relief and smile “I’m glad he’s okay. I’m glad your best friend is still here with you.” He exhales a bit before he admiringly says “He wouldn’t have been saved if it wasn’t for you and your quick thinking, I don’t know how you did it but I’m so thankful.” There’s a long silence then he continues “ Do you want me to send someone to pick you up?” Immediately I respond “Yes please, I want to get out of here before anyone notices I’m gone” San answers me reassuringly “Don’t worry I’ll send your location to the nearest Associate just hang tight okay? Their code word will be “snow”, I’ll see you in a bit angel eyes I love you.” I gently bite my lip " I love you too. Sannie” I hear San chuckle on the other side of the line and immediately after the line goes dead. I turn and see myself in the mirror and realize I was wearing my ugly hospital gown so I decide to turn it inside out and make a makeshift tie up shirt out of it.. After I finish I sit on the counter of the bathroom and not even 10 minutes later there’s a knock at the door. I stay silent until a deep voice says “Snow.” I jump off the counter and run to open the door and see an average build man with a buzz cut and tattoos and a dark blue track suit “y/n ?” I nod then he motions me to walk behind him and says “Come on, the boss asked me to take you where they’re in hiding.” I nod and follow him into a black average looking car with dark tinted windows, his car reeked of cigarettes and the seats were pretty worn out, a nice way to blend in. Smart.

After 2 hours of driving we arrive at a parking lot at an undisclosed area since I couldn't tell where exactly we were because of how dark it was, all I know it was far away from both Ulwood and Lulens but unlike the HQ last time this location was in a city. I get out of the car and follow the heavily tattooed man into a weird tattoo shop, the buzzing of the tattoo gun was the very first thing I hear when I enter. Everyone in there (which wasn’t alot) seemed to either not notice or not to care kind of like it was a regular occurrence here. So when we make it to the back I notice a black metal door with a key pad, and as soon as he punches in the code the door clicks open and he motions me to walk inside then closes the door behind me. Which reminds me of this tough pill to swallow, I am once again under San's mercy by coming back..

‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆. ✧˚₊‧⋆‧‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆. ✧˚₊‧⋆‧‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆. ✧˚₊‧⋆‧‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆.

If you would like to be on the taglist DM me or leave a comment!✨

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#ateez series #ateez angst #ateez x reader #choi san x reader #park seonghwa x reader #ateez imagine #mafia au #non idol au #slow burn #kpop imagines #ateez fanfic

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lisard148 · 3 months

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SxF playlist pt. 1

So I've been collecting songs for my spy x family playlist for a month now. And since today we don't have new chapter I will rant about some of this songs here

1. Foo Fighters - Waiting on a war

This song right here describes all spy x family setting and Twilights story. Because peace between Ostania and Westalis is shaky and nobody can actually guarantee that it will last. And while civilians may live more or less peacefully, Twilight is always waiting on the war. But he knows that there's something more than that in life and with Forgers he has chance to have it

2. Hozier - Like real people do

I just needed Hozier song, because TwiYor have very Hozier romance. "I will not ask you where you came from" - is pretty much current state of Twilight's relationships with Yor and Anya. He knows they are odd but he will not ask them in fear of finding out. And both Twilight and Yor feel more like tools than actual people, but since they started Forger family they learn more about what "real people do"

3. Tember Blanche & Moisei - Ти лиш людина

This one's in my mother tongue (Ukrainian). For me it perfectly captures the feeling of the 86 chapter.

Chorus translation:

Show me your weakness, I don't ask you anything more.

If you are only human, then how can you live without fear?

Let's just say I can't wait fo Wheeler arc to be animated, because I have a vision for a really cool amv

4. Rainbow Kitten Surprise - Cold love

This one hard to describe. It has post reveal and opening up to each other vibes. It also has first joined mission gone wrong vibes. But most of all it has we are the same and we understand each other vibes. (Maybe I'll write songfic based on this. When I learn how to write hehe)

5. Rina Sawayama - Chosen family

Just a sweet song about opening up and found/chosen family. Very Forgers)

PS: I really need good songs for Anya and Yor. Especially Yor, since most of her playlists have femme fatale vibes, that don't suite her character.

If you have any recommendations PLEASE leave them in comments

#spy x family #sxf #sxf manga #loid forger #anya forger #yor forger #twiyor #sxf manga spoilers #Spotify

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likhe-jo-khat-tujhe · 1 month

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Entry #9: Om's birthday.

[LLTM: JOS]

[Mondayday || May 6/2024 || nighttime.]

About Sunday/5 May/2024: after morning routine I started writing tumblr post after 10am. I collected lyrics and wrote meaning + started searching for pictures after scrolling on pinterest for hours, created moodboards out of those pictures (because there's limit of 10 pictures and 1 video) wrote everything I could think of despite having terrible headache because of sleep deprivation. Till lunch I couldn't think of how I should I portray this wish then I thought of last year's birthday wish and thought of chennai express and that's how I came up with "gujarat express" idea and started writing important parts. After that I collected pictures and videos according to his vibes from pinterest after scrolling so much once again. At the end I decided to add a video, I searched for it but I didn't like the song so I changed it. After that Created 3 edits as always, even though it was hard for me to decide bg music for those edits. After that I wrote paragraph for his dm, wrote few lines for his each birthday, from 1 to 20. And it was already 12:00am.

He came to my dm before 12am but I was still editing tumblr post and at 12:00am I wished him happy birthday first and posted that tumblr post as always and told him to see tumblr post. He came here to read it and I went to mention him my instagram stories. I came back and he was still reading that post because it was lengthier than I thought. He came to my dm, was so overwhelmed with emotions and was lose for words. So I sent him that mini letter I wrote for his each birthday, he loved it and laughed because I made it kinda casual and wholesome, no big lines or words but just my thoughts. I let him process though he kept saying how happy he was and how lucky he was to have me and writer's love is one of a kind and by then it was already 01:30, I kept him in my dm for that long before he went to see my instagram stories. He liked those edits as well, he came back to me and kept talking and complimenting me for whatever I did for him till 02:44am and we fell asleep. He talked about each and every line I wrote for him like he couldn't decide which part was his favorite, all these because I can't call him or face time with him or send him vns(my family is strict). So I try to make up with my writing.

In the morning I sent him gujarati playlist I created for him specially with good morning text and afternoon came he went to shopping with his cousins and family. He texted me and asked me to select an outfit for him because he couldn't decide which one he should buy and so I chose for him. At evening he went out with his relative's family to celebrate his birthday and I'm happy that he's enjoying his birthday like this.

Why do I can't stop myself from writing about him? I ended up writing about him once again. See...

They said "Go where you feel the most alive."

And I hid into his embrace.

...And when he speaks, I can feel hope crawling out of my lifeless chest.

They say you can't reach to the stars but that's wrong. I see stars in his eyes whenever he talks about his dreams.

He is what a lost poet wants to write about but can't, happiness.

If he'd tell me to kneel I wouldn't dare to look up.

He has taken over my mind, my heart and my soul like devil takes over sinner's prayers.

If I were to get locked up in one room without a way out, I would create stories for him in my mind to keep me alive till the end. –Simran.

To my past self: I found something better than your books, inspiration for writing. And that's because of him, Om.

To my future self: I know that you won't stop writing about him because now he has blended our souls and only death can stop my pen.

#love letters to myself: journals of simran .๑˙❥

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damonjuicyscock · 4 months

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Playlist-Chapter 12:Lovesong (90s Noel Gallagher X Reader)

Pairing: 90s Noel Gallagher X Reader

Warnings: language, fluffy fluff, SMUTTY AF (it's birthday sex), a few spelling mistakes, maybe.

Words: 2449

Summary: For Noel's birthday, him and Y/N offered themselves a little trip in the french riviera

A/N: Heya Y'all ! Here's chapter 12, a bit late, but it's better late than never ! I hope you will like it. As I said in my previous post, it's hot and nice birthday sex. see you this weekend for chapter 13 !

Love y'all, take care of yourselves !

Enjoy !

“However far away I will always love you However long I stay I will always love you Whatever words I say I will always love you I will always love you”

After the Rockfield incident, Noel didn't dare fucking up again. He behaved correctly, because he knew me, he knew how I could be, he knew I wasn't kidding when he got that slap in the face, when he nearly killed his brother. He apologized to Liam, and they became brothers again. Then his birthday came, and for the occasion, we went away on a trip in the south of France.

May 29th 1995- Cannes:

He decided to rent an expensive suite in a famous hotel in Cannes. We spent evenings in casinos, at the beach, in parties, which always ended up by being drunk and horny lovemaking. On his birthday, I decided to organize a full day for him. At first, a nice breakfast in our bedroom, with everything he loved. Then I took him to the beach before inviting him to the restaurant. In the afternoon, it was spa and massages. Noel fell asleep during it, he was a bit too much relaxed.

I took him to the hotel room, and we got in the shower. I was so horny, I wanted to fuck him right there. He was still half-asleep. So, to wake him up, I went down on my knees and started sucking him. He immediately gasped at the feeling of my tongue around him, his hands coming to hold my head, putting his fingers in my hair.

Fuck Y/N He moaned.

I looked up at him, his eyes were closed. I smiled and went back to sucking him. He moaned louder as he put his hands on my shoulders, pushing me down onto my knees.

Fuck Y/N... ye're so good at this. He said as he pulled out of my mouth and pushed me back against the wall

He turned me around, putting his shaft at my entrance, and slowly pushed in, causing us to moan in unison.

Thought you were a bit too relaxed. I said

Oh yeah? well now I'm not anymore, and you started something you can only end in one way. He answered

It's the second time today... I said

Yea, and so? He answered

Do you really want me not to walk normally tomorrow? everyone will see and know... I pursued

I don’t give a fuck. It's me birthday, isn’t it? So I can make love to ye anytime I want, as long as ye want it. And I'm going to give ye three or four orgasms before reaching mine and letting yer body go. And tonight, I'll have ye again, as me dessert. If ye want to, of course, ‘cause I'll never do it without ye wanting it.

As you said it's your birthday, why not caring about your pleasure first for today? I answered

Because ye're so beautiful, and I can't reach my high without yers. I'm going to spoil this sexy moment now by telling ye I love ye so much, and I'm so happy we're spending this birthday here, just us two.

And actually, he didn't ruin the moment. I would have been his sex slave for his birthday if he wanted to. But it meant more than that to him, and I was happy of it. I moaned as he started to thrust in and out of me. Slowly at first, because I knew he liked it, he liked building the tension, until it was "too much for me” and I would beg him to go faster. And he knew I would do it, and he loved it. Noel was usually the one who liked to be ridden. But for once, I let him do whatever he wanted of me.

Noel... please... harder. I begged

He obliged, thrusting into me with more force.

Fuck Y/N... ye're going to be the death of me. He said as he fucked into me harder and faster, causing my moans to become louder and louder

I quickly felt my climax approach. The steam of the shower and our bodies in action wasn't helping.

Oh god Noel...

Go on love, cum fer me. He answered

I started to moan louder as my orgasm came closer.

Fuck! I screamed out as my body shook with pleasure.

Noel continued to fuck me, helping me ride through my orgasm, then slowed down a bit.

Ye okay? He asked me softly

Yeah, just needed… that. I answered smiling

I was about to come out of the shower when I felt a hand on my waist.

Where d’ye think ye're going ? I'm not done with ye. He said

I know, but I want to keep a bit for tonight or I won't be able to be your dessert. I'll be too sensitive for that. I answered

Okay, I'll let ye rest then.

I stepped out of the shower, handing a towel to Noel, who turned the water off before taking it. He grabbed me by my waist again and peppered my neck with kisses.

I love ye. He said

And so do I. And I'll show you how much I love you, for dessert. I answered

- This sounds tasty, I'm already hungry, me.

And Noel wasn't at the end of the surprises I planned for him this night. I hid in the bathroom for practically an hour to prepare myself. I bought some special lingerie for him and put on a black dress he bought me years ago. I then put some makeup and came out of the bathroom, facing him. He was agape.

Fucking hell, look at ye,ye're so beautiful. He said

Really? Well you don't look bad either Noely. I answered, smiling at him

He was rubbing his hands together, he seemed nervous.

Are you okay ? I asked

Yea, just impatient fer tonight. Where are ye taking me ?

- Oh, just the hotel's restaurant. It's no big deal. The big deal is the dessert.

I took him by the hand and led him downstairs. All eyes were on me, and Noel was looking at every man who was looking at me to shoot them a dark stare meaning "she's mine.". I looked at him doing so and smiled. I didn't know he could be jealous. well, just a little bit.

We went to the bar, and I ordered a drink. I turned around and saw him standing behind me, looking at me with that hungry look in his eyes. I looked at him, smiling,

what are you looking at?

He smiled back

I'm just admiring ye.

well, you can admire me more if you want to…

He chuckled

ye never change, do ye?

I took a sip of my drink and looked at him.

me? never. But after all, this is the Y/N you love, huh? You prefer me to the Y/N I still was last year.

Fuck yea, ye are. The Y/N I knew at first.

I felt myself getting turned on by the way he was looking at me. But I had to hold on, we didn’t even eat yet. Patience.

When do we eat? I’m starving.

Are you starving for food? or for the dessert?

He blushed.

Well both, but at this right moment, it's food I crave. He answered

I took his hand and we walked to the restaurant part. We sat down at a table and ordered our food.

We talked about everything and nothing. The waiter came with our food, and we started eating. I was enjoying the food, but I was also enjoying his company. He looked so handsome in the dim light of the restaurant, that it made me want to kiss him right there in front of everyone.

It was time for the first dessert. A birthday cake. The only thing I wasn't waiting for was that Noel also planned something by his side. So we had two cakes to eat. Except the one I ordered for him didn’t have anything special in it. As for me, I choked. Why? Because I almost swallowed a diamond ring that was in it.

I was shocked.

What the fuck Noel? Do you want to kill me? I asked him, taking the ring between my fingers.

Ye're welcome love. And no, I don’t want to kill ye. The thing is, I hoped that fer me birthday ye would accept to say yes to this present. He said as he got down on one knee

Fucking hell! I said, putting both my hands on my mouth, on the verge of crying

Will ye accept to become Mrs Y/N Gallagher?

I couldn't believe my ears or eyes. This was too much for me to handle right now but at the same time, it made me happy that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me.

Are you sure? It's only been a few months we got back together… I said

If I wasn’t sure, I wouldn't be asking. I should have done this years ago. so? Yes, No? or fuck off? he asked, nervous

So that's why he was this nervous... Holy fuck.

Of course yes you fucking idiot!

He put the ring to my ring finger and kissed me before getting back on his feet. The whole restaurant was applauding. A magical moment, yes. But I felt like his birthday was spoiled. I got the surprise, not him. I got the whole attention on me, not him. Was I disappointed? a bit and not at the same time.

At the second we were back in the elevator to go to our room, Noel shoved me against the doors, latching his lips on mine, kissing me passionately.

Thank ye so much love, thank ye, this is the most wonderful birthday gift ye could give me.

I chuckled.

And yet, you're not done with what I planned for you. I answered.

A third dessert? Geez woman, do ye want me to get fat?

- Just fat with love. I answered

As we arrived in the room, I locked the door, and pushed Noel on the bed.

And now, just enjoy the show. I said.

Yer orders madam. He answered, doing a military salute

I laughed, and took off my dress. I could see him watching me. I was left in a sexy red lingerie set. I could see a spark in Noel's eyes.

God, woman... this is so hot... and sexy.

I smiled.

Now lay down on the bed and relax. Just... enjoy, as I told you.

He obliged and lay down, as I got down on my knees. I unbuckled his belt, and unzipped and unbuttoned his trousers. I could see he already was hard as a rock. I took them off and threw them in a corner of the room before doing the same thing with his boxers. I took his hard member in my hand and started running it up and down, causing Noel to let out a soft moan.

Fuuuuuck...

I could see the pre-cum on his cock and I took it in my mouth, licking it off.

Ohh... fuck... He moaned, as I sucked on his cock

I started sucking harder and faster, using my tongue to tease him more.

Fuck... keep going. He groaned

I kept sucking on his cock, going faster and harder.

Fuck... If ye keep doing that I'm not gonna last, love...

I let go of him with a loud pop.

uh uh, not yet. kiss me instead. I said.

He grabbed me and kissed me hard, pushing his tongue into my mouth. I moaned as he pushed his tongue into my mouth, our tongues meeting in a passionate kiss. He grabbed my hips, putting me on top of him. I felt his hands caress my body and he slid my undies off.

I moaned as he kissed my neck, going down to my chest. He kissed and licked my nipples, making me moan in pleasure. I felt his hard shaft tease my entrance. So, I pushed my hips towards him, as he entered me, and we both moaned in unison at the feeling.

Fuck... I love ye... this is the best birthday I ever had. Noel murmured

I love you too, and I'm glad I could make your birthday special.

He kissed me passionately as he started to thrust in and out of me. We were both moaning loudly, our bodies intertwined with each other. The bed was creaking under us as we fucked harder and faster. Our bodies were sweating against each other, and we didn't even mind. All that mattered was this moment. And as he promised, he didn’t let go until I had at least three of four orgasms. until he couldn't hold on anymore.

I was so tired that I couldn't even move. My body was still shaking from the orgasms, and my heart was pounding in my chest. I could feel his movements become sloppier and his member twitch inside me.

fuck !

He gave a few more thrusts.

I'm cumming!

He thrusted harder and deeper into me, making me moan loudly. I could feel his hot seed shoot deep inside of me. He pulled out of my ass, and we both collapsed on the bed. We were both breathing heavily as he laid against me, his chest pressed against mine.

Ye're so beautiful. He whispered in my ear

I smiled and kissed him.

I love ye He said, and I could feel his smile against my lips

I love you too. I replied, and he pulled me closer to him

We laid there for a while, just holding each other close.

So, when do you want us to marry? I asked

Oh... after tour. we've got tour coming again. He answered

I know that, what I want to know is, what type of wedding would you like?

Oh definitely a private one.

Good, we agree on this.

I'm glad we do.

What about the honeymoon? I asked

Well, I don't know. We can go anywhere ye want." He said

I was simply thinking about Manchester. Us two, like the old times.

Damn love ye amaze me, it sounds fucking great !

#oasis #oasis band #noel gallagher smut #noel gallagher fanfic #noel gallagher oneshot #noel gallagher fluff #noel gallagher x reader #90s noel gallagher #noel gallagher #Spotify

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rinas4ki · 3 months

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My seasonal music highlights: winter 2024 🧣

Welcome to a new series of my silly music-blogging. Starting it because I want to regularly properly write about and describe the songs I enjoy, and to present my own candidates for the unofficial “song of the season” awards. I already started an annual fav list for albums/EPs and wanted something less major and more presentable as a little playlist, not really in particular order. Enjoy! Note that I kept the list one song per artist, most have incredible new releases outside of the ones focused on, these are just my picks for the season or my most played. And let me tell you, countless artists are dropping new music and projects left and right and I’m getting FED. This list alone is extremely abundant and we’re barely 2 full months into the year. The competition for this year’s personal favorite album spots and the highlights for the next seasons is about to be real tough. Can’t wait. (GIF source: MV for Cyberia by Meth Math.)

❅ winter again - 4s4ki

What better way to start a songs of the winter list than with THE anthem of this winter season? With her ability to not only pull off but absolutely excel at the different genres she incorporates into her music, 4s4ki simply never disappoints. She went into the studio with a mission to give the famous Last Christmas by Wham! a true successor and the mission was wonderfully accomplished. In this mellow 80s pop influenced track, she channels her inner Cocteau Twins (word to that one YouTube comment in the lyric video) while longing for a loved one that didn’t seem to stay by her side not even to have some canned coffee and bento this holiday season. Now I’m gonna channel my inner platonic delulu and say that it was released just on time, when I was discovering and especially feeling Boy Harsher’s alternative 80s inspired music (collab when?). Ironic how a self-described reverse Christmas song ended up doubling my winter spirits. She never fails to give me exactly what I need. I love this woman. (Big ups to Magic sword but as I mentioned I’m keeping the list one song per artist.)

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❅ 4eva - Shygirl feat. Empress Of

You know from my username that I’ve been loving what Shygirl has had to offer for quite a while now, and 4eva was my personal post-Nymph jam ever since I heard a snippet of it back in last September and neither the full studio version nor my intuition let me down. Shygirl’s rapping and Empress Of’s verse over the Kingdom-produced delicious wobbly synths indeed stay playing on my mind. Empress Of’s feature came as a tracklist surprise and I’m more grateful for it than I had expected. The jungle drums in the chorus, and honestly the structure of the song in general were unexpected to me as well, but nevertheless they took part in forming possibly my favorite dance track of 2024. Both the Club Shy EP and 4eva have secured firm spots in my favorites of the year.

❅ Deer Teeth - Sega Bodega

Father of music, first ever man in the music industry, smash hit sorcerer, my favorite producer of all time… However you may refer to Sega Bodega, you can always rely on him to create an entire universe in one record and take you there and back. With Deer Teeth, he tells a story of a sighting of a late mother laid to rest with her child in a swan’s wings along with 200 deer teeth (hence the song title), which brings with itself a tale of hope, sacrifice and eternity. With reversed and distorted vocals, the addition of Mayah Alkhateri’s siren-like voice and obviously Sega’s otherworldly production style, the tale transforms into a cinematic masterpiece in sound form. Extra note: perfect to fall asleep to in a road trip, tried and tested. Both Deer Teeth and his newer single Set Me Free, I’m an Animal are stunning masterpieces, and I know this will make my year-end album list real predictable but SB3 is the most solid candidate for the top spot as of right now. Save me Sega Bodega, save me…

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❅ Ex-Girlfriend - Erika de Casier feat. Shygirl

New slow R&B earworms drawing on different nostalgic genres couldn’t be more perfect for the chilly season, especially when they’re delivered by the one and only Erika de Casier. She has this ability to mix the best musical aspects of the near past (namely the 90s/00s) with her very own sensuality, freshness and uniqueness. Her soft vocals over a down-tempo R&B beat to match come after an orchestral, arguably dramatic intro and the melancholic, yearning yet cocky-ish tone is set. Shygirl’s deep, almost raspy voice always shines with slow, gloomy instrumentals (also seen in Lapdance from Asia by Cosha) and this track was no exception, matter of fact it’s now certainly one of my favorite features of hers. I will be returning to this song not only on the colder days of March, but the whole year, or rather until it’s wiped off existence completely.

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❅ Cyberia - Meth Math

Before the quirky experimental trio’s slightly overdue, highly anticipated debut album Chupetones (go give the best b-side Pócima a listen too), they released 4 singles and I was not at all aware beforehand of the release of the third one. Pressed play, was impressed, pressed the loop button and the rest (at least 80 plays within the first week) was history. The intro immediately catches your attention, and the descriptions of a sad-looking happily-dancing angel over toot sounds, ripping synths and bonking bass transition into happy hardcore perfection. The 3-second bit before the second chorus gets me the most, it’s like a minuscule break to slow down and reflect on the all the absurdity before resuming the alien dancefloor madness. This banger completes my Meth Math song holy trinity, which is now Tambaleo-Fantasía Final-Cyberia. Add Pócima into the mix if you wanna form the four horsemen. Whatever your personal favorite may be, we can all agree that Meth Math always come at us with excellence.

❅ dOpamine - OnlyOneOf

Hallelujah. We have finally reached an era where all lyOns can live in harmony and sleep in peace instead of fighting over title tracks and new lows for the group’s flaming hot garbage record label. Even their biggest haters (so-called “fans” with a strange superiority complex) were finally praising an OnlyOneOf title track, and with how good it really is I’d be admiring their dedication to hating their own faves if they didn’t. Anyway, dOpamine is one of their best, it really is. I’ve been hoping for them to get on the drum & bass train for quite a while now, and they did it with a bright, twinkling, breakbeat-incorporating twist. They don’t lazily dip their toes into dnb and breakcore and leave it at that though, the buildups and structure of the track stay fascinating and the bridge drifts (should I intend the pun?) into their gritty industrial side before the outro closing out the song on a vocally strong, passionate but never over-the-top note. While the whole mini is exquisite, the lead single ended up being my favorite. Simply put, OnlyOneOf never fail to deliver quality K-pop against all odds.

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❅ Sorbet - Kelela (LSDXOXO Remix)

The pre-release singles off of the RAVE:N remix album were all incredible just like its album tracks, however this gem is particularly lingering on me and my February mood. This spin on Sorbet encapsulates the AM club aspect of the project in one re-envisioned tune. Kelela and LSDXOXO, who produced and remixed numerous of her songs, reunite as a power duo to turn the dulcet, sedate Sorbet into a Eurodance-coded amped-up slapper that will get anyone moving. You can tell the song is DJ set opener material from when the first beat kick. The chorus melody sticks to your mind and the late night-like sonic experience becomes unforgettable. The special encounter requiring dim lighting is now set in a flashy rave scene. Completely flipped scenario yet everything makes perfect sense. All in all, Kelela’s vision for her dance records is 20/20 and LSDXOXO’s execution never leaves you hanging either.

❅ Fuetazo - Isabella Lovestory feat. Villano Antillano

Born to embody camp, forced… no, also born to be a hit maker. Isabella is undebatably one of the freshest, most outstanding figures of neoperreo and neoreggaeton, and her eccentric flare still comes through in a single as a (hopefully) pre-album snack. Fuetazo was released early into the season and closed out Isabella’s activities for the year. While the playful chorus introduces a whip that comes and goes, Villano Antillano mentions vacations and 42-inch weaves with her tone that meshes with the cheekiness of the track, and their chopped up vocal bits go back-and-forth in the outro. With the Chicken, Kamixlo and Dinamarca producer trio, the instrumentals can’t go wrong. The hard-hitting dembow drums and the lighter synths and other aspects of the song create a contrast that feels like a breeze, maybe more of a summer one even but a confidence booster gots to stay on rotation regardless of weather or temperature.

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❅ Messy Room - The Deep (+ mini EP review)

Had I postponed the release of my 2023 fave project list just a little, the Messy Room EP would have at least scored an honorable mention. For those who need a quick debrief: The Deep is an independent K-alternative artist whose discography radiates coziness and sweetness. Mayhaps I should say sugar, spice and everything nice. Taking part in the production of her music, creative direction and visual curation, she ticks all the boxes for the bedroom pop star that should’ve reached her target audience ages ago. While she’s taken inspiration from R&B and indie and still does, “resurfaced” genres such as UK garage, dnb and Jersey club are fairly newer additions to her range. I love all of these genres as you could tell and I adore the songs in which she uses them (got into her through the UKG bop Muah!), but surprisingly the track that glanced at her “roots” hooked me in the most. Maybe it’s because it contains the core “messy room” atmosphere of the EP, maybe it’s her soft vocals shining brightly, maybe it’s because she has the recipe to making a tune to unwind to. I hope this praise doesn’t sound like a jab at the rest of the EP because not a single skip is detected over there. In Brand New House and BAPPI, The Deep talks about deserving the luxuries and getting to the bag over garage and house beats. bow wow is about confidence despite troubles and annoyances, while 20’s is a self-reflection on the constant search for perfection and attempts to heal. The project is most definitely worth checking out if you want a bit of calm, refreshing new music, or if you’re looking for a multi-skilled artist to support.

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One line section (music I loved but honestly don’t have as much to say about, so I fit my thoughts into one line/sentence)

❆ Gold On Me: Mother ABRA is back and I’m definitely checking out Groupthink after this, now it’s time for the album innit 🍽️ (should’ve definitely written about this in more detail but maybe another time soz)

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❆ 4 noviosS: While everyone came to Club Shy to play, she entered with pen and paper and a goal.

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❆ Perdió Este Culo: I have to give flowers where they’re due, I wish the La Joia album had more quality of this level though. (However shoutout to Sexy, La Que No Se Mueva and Sin Carné.)

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❆ TYOSTAR: Can’t tell if their music is aimed at dudebros (disgustingly irritating audience) or hyperpop girlies (slightly less irritating audience) but they scored a night ride hit either way, definitely one of Starkids’ finest to date.

Thankies for getting here, and shoutout to @chuuuvi for pretty much directly fueling my writing process and inspo and @a-moth-to-the-light for inspo as well 😁

#keyboard.com #finally writing again yippee #bro spring’s highlight list already has 3 definite entries. it’s the first day of March. the food is too good #4s4ki #shygirl #empress of #sega bodega #erika de casier #meth math #onlyoneof #kelela #lsdxoxo #isabella lovestory #villano antillano #the deep #me when 2024

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wishful-soda · 2 years

Text

Speak of the Devil : Chapter Sixteen

Daniel Ricciardo x Reader

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 10.2k

A/N: I once again extend my sincerest apologies for this being a month after the last update. I also apologize for the quality? Because I feel like y'all are witnessing my downfall with each chapter here and I'm so sorry 😂😂😂Much love to all of you, your support, comments, and just love in general means more to me that I could ever express and has really helped me find my way back to living this past month. 😘🥰 Can't wait to hear your thoughts. xoxo

Playlist

Masterlist

Chapter Sixteen - Friends

You laid Horner’s desk for a few more moments, unable to stop hearing his words in your head, over and over. He was right. He’d already broken down several of your walls, walls that you’d thought were thick concrete, covered in barbed wire. Your mind was determined to spiral, to make all of the things that had happened this evening come crashing down around you. However before it all hit, another thought smacked you in the face.

“Aren’t there security cameras?!” You gasped wide eyed, sitting up suddenly, nearly knocking Daniel onto the ground. You spun your head to get a look at his face in hopes he was calmer than you were at this moment.

And of course, he was.

“I may or may not have paid off a security guard…” Daniel sat up as well, propping up himself on his hands, giving you a proud grin.

“What?!” You half gasped, half laughed. “Just how long have you been planning this?”

“I mean, I didn’t actually pay him, like in cash or anything. So I guess it’d be more of a bribe?” His triumphant smile turned into a sheepish grin.

“Because the fact that you didn’t cut him a check makes it much better?” You questioned with a giggle in your voice, scooting yourself off the desk and grabbing your jeans.

“I agreed to go to his kid’s birthday party.” Daniel laughed, keeping his gaze firmly on you the entire time you dressed. You paused, shirt in hand.

“I can’t tell if you’re joking or not.”

“I’m not! I asked him what I could do and he just said that I was his kid’s favorite driver and that if I came to his party, he’d help me out, no questions asked.” Daniel chuckled again, shrugging and then moving to redress as well.

You shook your head in disbelief, a wry smile on your face. “And here I thought you were being wild and impulsive. Daniel Ricciardo is planned and careful, I could bring down your entire image.” You teased.

“Wild and impulsive would be fun until we both lose our jobs and security camera footage is posted everywhere.” Daniel huffed.

“Well at least I had the illusion of it being impulsive, appreciate that.” You winked with a click of your tongue.

Daniel huffed out a breath in amusement and then strode towards you, patting his pocket to ensure he still had the keys.

“Should we…” You gestured to all of the items that were on Horner’s desk that were now strewn across the office and the smudge prints from various body parts on his glass desk.

Daniel looked as if he was mulling it over and then sighed in annoyance.

“I say we pick up the shit on the floor and leave the desk dirty.” He looked to you to see if you agreed.

“Alright, but why?” You agreed, bending down to start gathering pens, paperclips and other items scattered.

“Well I don’t want to get anyone fired, can you imagine how uncomfortable that birthday party would be then?” Daniel said, following suit to help you quickly tidy up. “But also I want him to wonder how the fuck he got his desk so dirty.” He smirked villainously.

Once everything was picked up and organized back on the desk, okay kind of organized because neither you or Daniel could really remember exactly where everything was, Daniel ensured to lock the door behind you.

As you walked through the dark, empty building for a second time, you turned your head to look up at him in stride next to you.

“What?” He frowned.

“You planned all of this. You got the keys, bribed the security guard, cleaned up so no one could get fired. But you didn’t tell me any of this initially. You wanted it to seem spur of the moment and reckless. Why?” You watched his face in the darkness, scanning it for any clue as to what was going on inside his head. You felt like you knew the answer, but you wanted to hear it from him.

Daniel was silent for several steps, his eyes on his shoes as he walked.

“You’re mad.” He finally breathed out a loud sigh, his head shaking slightly, his expression looking as though he was beating himself up?

“What?” You stopped, placing a hand on his forearm to stop him.

“You’re mad right?” Daniel, turned his body to face you fully, his big brown eyes meeting yours. “Because I let you believe it was something it wasn’t.”

You blinked. That wasn’t what you were feeling at all. You were in awe that he would go to so much trouble to plan anything for you. It wasn’t a date or even anything romantic by any means, but he thought about it in advance and took steps to make sure none of it would affect you in a negative way. He let you have a fun thrilling experience all while he’d protected you. At the same time he managed to get you to realize just how much you really trusted him.

You looked at his crestfallen face and something inside you cracked. You were so critical of him that his go to thought was ‘she’s pissed’. And why wouldn’t it be? That was your default. No matter what he did, that’s what you fell back on so of course that would be exactly what he expected.

When you didn’t respond, Daniel glanced down at his watch. You thought it was to be a dick, but when his eyes widened slightly and he grabbed your wrist, you knew that wasn’t the case.

“Shit. The other security guard is about to come on, I promised we’d be out by 4am.” He explained as he began walking quickly towards the same doors you’d come in.

You hurried along with him, slipping out the doors and glancing around nervously to see if anyone was around. Thankfully, the coast was still clear.

Daniel took the keys from his pocket and searched for the right one, his brow furrowed in concentration. He looked like he was really overthinking something and suffering inner turmoil.

He fumbled the keys, letting out a harsh swear after the clank of them hitting the ground.

You bent down and scooped them up swiftly. Remembering which key he’d just been about to use, you locked the door quickly and then placed the keys back in his palm. You paused for a moment and clasped your fingers around his hand, giving him a reassuring squeeze.

“Thanks.” He sighed as he pulled his hand from yours, looking from the door to the waiting car, not even pausing to look directly at you. Your stomach felt queasy.

You slid into the car behind him, noting the driver was the same. He must have just sat here and waited the entire time you were gone? You were sure the cost of that never even crossed Daniel’s mind.

The silence in the car was heavy and you knew it was your fault.

“Hey.” You said softly, your voice so quiet in hopes the driver wouldn’t overhear your entire conversation.

“Hmm?” Daniel grunted, busying himself with adjusting his hat.

“Hey.” You said louder this time. “Danny.” When he still didn’t look at you, you huffed loudly and slid across the small middle space of the bench seat and practically into his, roughly bumping your leg against his.

“Geez, I said what!” He quipped back, now turning and looking out of the window since it was much harder not to look at you with you inches from his face.

“Well you won’t look at me!” You matched his tone. “I seem to remember someone saying that they liked to look at people when they talk to them.”

Daniel groaned and finally turned to look at you. His eyes looked tortured. Like he was absolutely tearing himself up inside. Like he had a million things to say to you that were about to burst out of him and it was taking absolutely everything in him to hold them inside.

“I was going to say something back there but then we had to rush off all espionage-y.” You gave him a small tentative smile, hoping he’d come back to playing with you.

“I know you’re mad at me, I don’t really want to hear it right now though. Can you yell at me tomorrow? ”

“Dan, would you please just stop assuming and let me talk?” You said firmly, though your words weren’t laced with the aggression that would normally come with a statement like that.

He lifted his hand and gestured to say ‘be my guest’

You really wanted to say what you were about to say to his face, but as you began to speak, his eyes back you back down, your gaze glancing around from your hands to his hands to his face and anywhere else that wasn’t his eyes.

“I’m not mad at you. I’m not even kind of upset or irritated with you at all.” You forced yourself to look at him, meeting a surprised expression from him. “That wasn’t what I meant at all when I asked you why you did all of this.”

“Oh.” He replied quietly. “I just assum-”

“That I was because it’s my default setting, yeah I know.” You finished for him, slumping back against the seatback behind you.

“When it involves me, yeah.” He turned to look out the window again.

Why did it bother you so much? You had spent the past 27 and something months being mad at him. You had perfected it. That should be a compliment to you that he was assuming you were mad because that meant you were succeeding in making him realize just how much you couldn’t stand him.

Only the idea of him thinking you were always mad at him felt different now.

“I’m honestly impressed.” You continued. You needed to get out what you wanted to get out before you lost your nerve. Daniel’s head spun towards you so fast you had a brief worry of whiplash.

“Really, I mean you planned all of this out and I know it wasn’t a date or anything gross like that, but I appreciated the thought that went into it. Well really I appreciated all of it actually.” You gave him a closed lip smile.

“A-are you…thanking me?” Daniel spoke as if he couldn’t believe the words coming out of his own mouth.

“Jesus Dan, you say that like you’d expect hell to freeze over first.” You grumbled, crossing your arms over your chest.

“Well…yeah.” He shrugged, his body language saying ‘can you blame me?’. “You’re always pissed at me.”

You backhanded his chest, knowing it didn’t hurt much with the amount of muscle he had sculpted there. You were right, didn’t even phase him, he just laughed, that warm smile slowly creeping back onto his face.

“Well stop doing things to piss me off, ever consider that?” You teased, a smile tugging on the corners of your mouth.

“I thought that you were upset that I gave you the impression it was spontaneous and risky” His tone was apologetic. “Then you find out it was a sham.” He huffed a laugh.

“Which part should I be angry about? That you planned something and ensured our careers weren’t fucked afterwards? Or that you let me experience the fun, exciting part all while still being protected?” You spoke more frankly than you usually did with him and you could tell he was surprised as well. “It doesn’t make me angry. It makes me feel…” You cut yourself off, suddenly hearing your words aloud and realizing what you’d just been about to say to him.

“Makes you feel what?” Daniel breathed, his eyes not leaving yours. You swallowed thickly, the sound louder than usual in your ears. You shook your head, trying to dismiss it.

“Nothing.” You broke eye contact and looked straight ahead. Daniel groaned in annoyance. You felt his leg knock against yours.

“Tell me. Tell me and then I’ll tell you something you want to know. Deal?” He held his hand out for you to shake on it.

You contemplated for a moment, thinking of all the different things you’d love to ask him, trying to narrow it down. Daniel wiggled his fingers impatiently, his eyebrows raised.

You placed your hand in his and shook. You were briefly distracted by the feel of his larger hand, the way his fingers wrapped nearly all the way around your hand, how firm his shake was.

When you looked back up at him, he was smirking, like he knew exactly where your thoughts had just gone and why you’d been staring at his hand like an idiot for way too long.

“You go first.” You stated, trying to calm down the heat of embarrassment in your cheeks.

“How is that fair?!” Daniel cried out.

Before the two of you could properly get into it, the car came to a halt outside the hotel. You reached for the door handle, only to be stopped by Daniel’s hand grabbing your wrist firmly.

“Hold up!” He craned his neck around, looking out of all of the windows to ensure no one was around to see the pair of you getting out of a car together at 4:00 in the morning.

You hadn’t even thought to check. You were about to just waltz right out of the car, Daniel in tow, continuing your conversation.

I need to get my head back in the game…You told yourself.

Daniel released your wrist, he must have determined it was all clear, and you opened the door and gave a gracious nod to the driver before hurrying to the doors of the hotel, hoping to put some distance between you and Daniel.

“I’m so fucking tired of hotels.” Daniel spoke once the elevator doors closed. He wasn’t necessarily planning on speaking out loud, but it was late and the entire night had been a rollercoaster. He had all but sprinted to keep up with you after you got out of the car and yet you stood intimately close to him in the large elevator.

“You and I both. The next two weeks at home are going to be heaven.” You sighed longingly, gazing seemingly off into space.

Daniel wanted to ask where you planned on being for those two weeks, but that would be just too desperate of him and he knew it. He’d already given away the lengths that he went to tonight, he couldn’t come off as that clingy. Uncool.

“Are you going to be in Monaco?” You turned towards him slightly as you asked, but your eyes didn’t meet his. Daniel bit back the grin that threatened to break loose at the fact that you basically read his mind.

“I haven’t decided.” Daniel responded. It was a little bit of a lie. He’d already decided that if you were going to be in Monaco, then so was he. If you weren’t then he’d act like he had previously decided to be at his home in LA. He did his best to not look into the way it seemed your shoulders sunk just a fraction at his answer.

The elevator halted and he waited for you to step off first before following suit, both of you glancing in all directions to ensure you were still alone. He followed you to your room and only when you were almost to your door did he think about what was supposed to come next. He didn’t know if he was supposed to come in or drop you off at the door. With all the time you’d already spent with him, he knew it was most likely a drop at the door situation. He was already on borrowed time.

You stopped at the door to your room and spun to look at him, leaning back against the door frame, your foot placed flat against the wall behind you, your eyes now showing signs of exhaustion. He felt a little guilty that he’d kept you out so late.

“It makes me feel safe.” You suddenly stated. It was probably also exhaustion that caused the delay in Daniel’s understanding of what you were talking about.

When it clicked, Daniel completely froze.

“What?” He hated himself the moment he said it, he had heard you the first time and you knew he had but he needed to buy himself a couple more seconds to figure out what he was supposed to say next. Alright and he also wanted to hear you say it again…

You gave him a look that definitely said you knew he heard you.

“You made me feel safe. Well. I guess ‘make me’ would be more accurate. Present tense.” You didn’t shy away from looking in his eyes and for the first time ever, he kind of wished you would. The feeling in his chest and stomach was too much and your eyes only made it more intense.

His mouth fell open, partly in shock, partly in an attempt to form some words. He became very aware of the fact that his mouth was just opening and closing and he wasn’t getting anywhere.

“You look like a fish.” You tittered, your foot behind you resting on the wall pushing you to stand up straight, smirking the entire time.

Daniel couldn’t help but laugh, acknowledging you were right. His thoughts were so mixed up that he still didn’t know what to say to you. There was pride in the fact that he made you feel safe, then there was shock that you’d said something that nice to him, and then there was the heaviness of a statement like that, it felt so heavy for a conversation between you and him. By just telling him that you were proving it then weren’t you?

“Sorry, forgot to lace that first statement with some malice to keep the vibes between us normal.” You hummed when he again failed to speak. You shot him a wink and then looked down to your bag, digging through it for your room key.

Say something. Anything.

Daniel knew his window was closing and yet he didn’t know how he was supposed to play this.

The sound of your door unlocking and the click of you opening it was his buzzer, alerting him that time was up.

You smiled genuinely at him and now he just couldn’t breathe at all. “I know you have lots of nights that are fun and end up getting into all sorts of things so it was just another night for you, but I had a lot of fun tonight.”

Daniel didn’t know if he was a complete idiot or not, but he felt like you wanted him to tell you otherwise. Like you were digging to see what tonight had meant to him.

“I don’t have-”

“I had no idea where you were!”

Daniel looked up over your shoulder to see your ‘boyfriend’ emerging from the dark room behind you. Charles looked disheveled, his hair a mess, clearly having been asleep.

So you were sharing a room with him.

Daniel knew it most likely had to happen. It would be weird if you were dating and didn’t share a room. But he still hated it. He tried to peer over Charles’ shoulder into the room to see how many beds there were, but he couldn’t tell.

“And you look like you were torn up over it, mate.” Daniel deadpanned, the sarcasm hitting straight to the point.

“Max was.” Charles said flatly and Daniel saw the effect those words had on you, your eyes widening.

“What did you tell him?” You spun towards Charles, Daniel effectively losing all of your attention. He wondered if Charles did that on purpose…

“That you drank too much and went back to the hotel to sleep.” Charles might as well have said ‘Duh’ the way his tone came off so sharp. “What did you do?” He hissed, throwing a look to Daniel and then putting his attention back on you.

“Nothing!” You shoved Charles back into the room, rolling your eyes and that was enough to put the slightest whisper of a smile on Daniel’s face.

“Well c’mon before someone sees you.” He shot another look at Daniel.

“Alright thanks mate, but she has a mum.” Daniel cut in, desperate to get the moment back so he could redeem himself instead of you remembering that time you said something nice to him and he stood there looking like a fish.

Charles' eyes widened in what Daniel could only call… horror? He looked to you, placing a hand on your shoulder gently, as if he was checking to see if you were alright.

“Really?” You hissed through grit teeth, eyes narrowed at Charles. You shook his hand from your shoulder before shoving him back into the room again, only this time harder.

Daniel shook his head in confusion, trying to figure out what had just transpired there between you and Charles that had so clearly flown over his head. Once Charles held up his hands in surrender and walked back into the darkness of the room, you spun back around to face him.

“See you around?” You asked, only one corner of your mouth pulling upwards in a half smile. “And I’m not forgetting that you owe me, you better hold up your end of our deal.”

“I’m a man of my word.” Daniel nodded, returning the smile in an attempt to hide his disappointment in the way the night ended, that he didn’t get to say what he should have, and at the nagging feeling in his gut that he’d just done something wrong.

He took a step back from the door, turning to make a start down the hall to his own when he suddenly felt your body flush against his, hands on the sides of his face, pulling his mouth down to yours, kissing him firmly but quickly.

Daniel didn’t even have time to kiss you properly before you slipped out of his grasp again, retreating back to the door.

Which had locked again upon shutting.

Daniel couldn’t control the grin that burst onto his face, so big his cheeks hurt when he realized you’d now locked yourself out.

“That’s not quite how you saw it happening in your head is it?” He asked, daringly.

You spun around to look at him and your cheeks were pinked, a sheepish smile on your face and Daniel couldn’t have held in his laughter if he tried.

“It’s not funny!” You whined, yet a giggle broke into your voice and you jiggled the handle rapidly.

“That’s not gonna do it, babe.” He cackled, putting his hands in his pockets, watching you search through your purse for the key you’d had moments ago, your cheeks getting redder by the moment.

“Shush!”

Daniel always saw you put together, confident, cunning, except on a rare occasion where maybe you drank too much. But this wasn’t alcohol, this was just a silly mistake that had ruined the smoothness of your move.

You were flustered and Daniel fucking loved it.

He normally thought it was cheesy when someone said ‘oh they’re so adorable when they’re…etc etc’ about their partner, it was so mushy it made him roll his eyes. And yet, in his head, all he could think was how fucking adorable you looked.

The door to your room flung open suddenly, causing you to jump in surprise and let out a cute little squeal, in turn only making him laugh more.

“Oh my God, the entire hall can hear you idiots giggling out here!” Charles scolded in a hushed whisper-yell. You were rolling your eyes again before he even finished his sentence.

“Night Danny.” You smiled, the traces of color still on your cheeks. Hearing you call him ‘Danny’ never seemed to fail to make him melt inside. You knew it, he knew it, but still he got a rush of thrill, like he couldn’t believe it was happening, everytime you said it.

“G’night ma’am.” He winked, grinning widely at the rush of pink that flooded back to your face. He’d bet just about any sum that you were kicking yourself for showing him that picture now.

“Always with a different name…” you grumbled, giving him one last smirk before closing the door behind you.

Being home for a break was always rejuvenating. The plane, hotel, paddock, hotel, repeat schedule got old and it was always welcomed to have some break in the monotony and be back in your own space.

You’d spent your time shopping, sleeping in, seeing friends and just decompressing from the stress and drama that was F1 and was your life in general lately. You and Charles had been seen together several times, on purpose of course. The fact that you both lived in Monaco meant that you needed to keep up the illusion while on break, especially for Max’s sake.

However you weren’t sure the ruse would last much longer as Max was either on to you or something because he was back to asking questions about Daniel. And if there was one thing about Max that was always true, it was that he never beat around the bush. He wanted if you felt like you could spend time with him without wanting to punch him in the face, if you thought he was a good teammate.

The questions were pointed and honestly a little unnerving, but you held your composure.

That was until the night that you, Charles, Max and Daniel were all together.

It had happened by coincidence, you were at Max’s apartment hanging out and Charles had come over to play video games with Max. You spent most of the time scrolling through your phone or reading on the couch while the two boys shouted at each other.

It was a quiet but pleasant evening, just what you wanted while on break. Until the knock at the door.

Max and Charles didn’t even move a muscle, enthralled in their game.

“Really.” You sighed, rolling your eyes and then resigning yourself to answer it yourself.

And of course, on the other side, was Daniel. He wore jeans and a simple black t-shirt with an unbuttoned flannel over it. And as if he knew you’d be here, his snapback hat sat on his head. Backwards.

You absolutely hated the excitement that coursed through you when you saw his face. It had only been a few days, but you weren’t sure if he was in Monaco or not and didn’t want to be the one to reach out first. You didn’t know what the rules were when you were home.

So when you saw him standing in front of you, wide smile on his face, you had to restrain yourself from throwing your arms around him and hugging him tightly. You tried to school your face into a neutral expression, to hide how excited you were to see him.

“Sorry, I must have the wrong apartment, I was looking for Max Verstappen, is he home?” Daniel feigned confusion.

You bit back a smirk and held in a giggle.

“Who? Yeah, sorry, you have the wrong apartment for sure.” You played back, frowning at him.

“Shoot.” Daniel sighed, a huff of frustration. “I’m Daniel by the way.” He pivoted, holding his hand out to you, that wide mischievous smile returning to his face like he couldn’t even help it.

You stated your name with a giggle and then took his hand and shook. “Nice to meet you.”

Daniel’s eyes lit up at the statement.

“The pleasure’s all mine.” He squeezed your hand in his, his eyes locked on yours intently, the secret the two of you held simmering behind them.

He finally broke the gaze and let his eyes wander down your body and back up again, very slowly. You felt a flicker of heat, deep in your core at the intensity held in his eyes. You couldn’t help but wonder if he missed you like you missed him the past few days.

You stepped aside to let him in.

“Do you often invite strangers in?” He teased, stepping way too close to you. The way he smelled…god you could wrap yourself up in that scent and be so content.

“Only good looking ones.” You responded, because you knew he expected you to be snarky. When he blinked in surprise, you knew it worked.

“Who is it?” Max bellowed from the living room, pulling you back down to Earth firmly.

“It’s Daaaaaa….” You caught yourself in the middle of calling him Dan and tried to recover, only to end up trailing off and making the situation even worse somehow.

“Daddy?” Daniel asked, quiet enough that only you heard him, pure amusement in his eyes.

You shot him a glare and raised your hand to smack him but he moved faster than you could predict, grabbing your wrist and then yanking you into his chest. He grabbed the back of your neck and kissed you firmly, his tongue diving into your mouth, rough and passionate. It was hot and messy and you knew it would be over quickly, but once his lips touched yours, you knew, you could tell, he missed you too.

When he broke the kiss and let you go, he stepped back, leaving a space from you to him. You were about to question why he’d kiss you and then leap away, but you had your answer when Max came strolling into the foyer.

“Who the fuck is ‘Daaaaaah’?” Max laughed and then spotted Daniel, his expression falling. “Oh it’s just Daniel.”

You cackled.

“Ouch.” Daniel clapped his hand to his chest, wounded.

“You can come in but only if you and Charles can get along.” Max said pointedly to Daniel, his expression holding something else unsaid beneath it. Whatever it was, Daniel understood and nodded, holding his hands up in surrender.

“I’m just here to have a good time.” He smirked, very well knowing he had been the instigator the past few times he and Charles got into it.

Max paused and looked at you and then Daniel and then back to you again.

“Remember when I used to have to make you promise to be nice before you two could be in a room together?” He laughed, starting back towards the living room, you and Daniel a few steps behind him. “I would have put money on this never happening.”

Your stomach dropped.

“This?” You stammered, trying and failing, to play it cool.

Max flopped onto the couch where he’d sat before, his ever present blase expression on his face.

“Yeah, this.” He gestured between you and Daniel. You didn’t dare look at Daniel. You stayed frozen to where you stood.

Fuck. This is it. He knows. Beg for forgiveness now before he even says anything else, just start apologizing.

“You and Daniel being friends.”

The relief you felt could have brought you to your knees. However before you could revel in that feeling, you really heard Max’s words. Friends. Friends.

In any other situation the word isn’t a huge deal. It’s not something to fuss over or even argue. You had lots of friends. But for you and Daniel, it was a big fucking deal. And both of you knew it.

Daniel looked as surprised as you did, looking to you as if he was waiting to follow your lead on how to respond.

Denying would only seem weird and make a casual remark into something more.

“Only took 3 years.” Charles remarked from the kitchen.

“It was TWO.” You clarified.

“I’m an acquired taste.” Daniel interjected.

Max made a grossed out face at the exact same time you did, making Daniel tilt his head back and cackle.

As the three men started chatting, you zoned out, beginning to do what you did best. Overthink.

Friends.

It wasn’t like it was an official title or anything. You didn’t have to announce it to the world. As far as you were concerned, everyone else would remain under the impression that you couldn’t stand Daniel and wanted nothing to do with him. Besides, seeing the two of you fight in public did enough for that image.

But then…you couldn’t remember the last time you fought in public. When was the last time you had a proper knock down drag out like the good ‘ol days? His birthday? No. You fought in his room, no one even knew there was an issue. If you weren’t fighting any more then….

You felt like you were going to puke. This wasn’t optics or someone’s opinion. You couldn’t convince yourself it wasn’t true.

You were friends with Daniel Ricciardo. With the devil himself. The one person you swore to hate until the day you died. You could remember actually swearing a vow on some book (because no one you were friends with would have a bible on hand) that you’d always hate his guts one drunken night when the subject of him was brought up.

What the fuck happened?

“Hellooo? You in?”

Max’s voice snapped you out of it, bringing you back into the moment where he stood waving a hand in front of your face.

“In?” You questioned.

“Poker. Did you miss the entire conversation?”

“Sorry, I…zoned out.” You gave him an innocent smile. “I’m paying attention now, scouts honor” You held up your hand, two fingers up in a V.

“Which scouts?” Daniel chortled. “That’s a peace sign.”

“Yeah? And now what’s it mean?” You spun your hand so the back of it was facing Daniel, fingers facing you turning it into a vulgar gesture.

Daniel playfully smacked your hand and you responded by shoving him.

“Do you want to play poker or not?!” Charles blurted, causing you and Daniel to both freeze like reprimanded children.

“Yes, sounds lovely.” You smiled sweetly at him.

“Yes, sounds lovely.” Daniel responded, mimicking your voice. He grunted and then broke into bellowing laughter again at the impact of your elbow to his side.

“Jesus Christ, I forgot how annoying it is when the two of you are in the same room…” Max groaned, shaking his head as he strode off to set up for the game. Charles followed, his annoyance all over his face.

Once they were out of earshot, Daniel turned to you, an impossibly large grin on his face.

“We’re friends.”

It didn’t make you want to puke when he said it…

A few hours and a few drinks later, you’d cleaned up pretty well, much to the annoyance of all three of the drivers at the table with you.

Max had been saying he was about to quit if the next hand didn’t turn around for the past 10 hands, Charles kept mumbling in French, and Daniel was convinced you were cheating.

“It should be against the rules to smile when you have a SHIT hand!” Daniel griped, tossing his cards on the table in defeat yet again.

“That’s literally a key factor of the game. It’s called bluffing.” You scooped up your winnings, a cocky smirk gracing your lips. “And who says I’m smiling about my cards?”

“I’m letting you win.” Charles said matter of factly. “Because I’m a good boyfriend.”

Max and Daniel groaned in unison.

“What! I am!” Charles cried.

“You guys are sore losers.” You laughed, handing the cards to Daniel to shuffle and deal.

Once the cards were dealt and you’d raised the bet an obscene amount, Max bowed out. The following time around, Charles did the same.

When it came time for Daniel to call or fold, he pulled out his wallet and then frowned.

“Alright you have all my cash so I’ll bet something else.” He declared, tossing his wallet onto the table.

“What? Like what?!” You laughed.

“A tattoo.” He smirked villainously, his eyes challenging you, daring you.

“Excuse me, a what?”

“If I win the hand, I pick a tattoo and you have to get it. If you win, you pick a tattoo that I have to get.”

“That is the most stupid idea! Don’t do it, he could pick anything.” Charles waved Daniel off dismissively.

Maybe it was the smile you wanted to wipe off his face, maybe it was the way he looked like he thought there was no way you’d do it. No one at the table thought you’d do it.

“Deal.” You blurted.

“What?!” “Good lord.” Max and Charles protested, but the only reaction you cared about was Daniel’s.

He looked surprised, his eyebrows raising. You reached out to shake on it and he pulled his hand away quickly.

“There’s no getting out of this.” He explained, his tone serious. “If you shake my hand, there’s no going back, you gotta follow through.”

You leaned in closer to him, narrowing your eyes.

“I’m not scared Ricciardo.” You whispered before smacking your palm to his, shaking his hand firmly.

“Does she at least get to pick where it goes?” Charles sighed.

“Hey! Why are you so sure I’m going to lose?!” You gasped in offense.

“Sure, it can go anywhere she wants.” Daniel grinned widely at Charles.

“I can’t decide who I want to win.” Max looked incredibly amused, ever excited to laugh at your expense like the younger brother figure he’d always been.

“Please win so that I don’t have to look at a tattoo chosen by another man.” Charles added one last plea, ever living up to the boyfriend role.

You saw something flicker in Daniel’s eyes at the comment and when he faced you fully again, he looked extremely serious.

“On 3?” You asked, holding your cards anxiously. Daniel nodded.

“1…” Everyone at the table counted in unison.

“2….” Max and Charles stood to get a better view.

“3!”

You slapped your cards to the table, your eyes immediately going to the ones Daniel had laid out in front of him. It was silent for a few seconds as everyone compared the two hands.

A silence that was broken by Charles of all people, bursting into laughter.

“FUCK YES!” Daniel leapt from his chair, pumping a fist in the air.

You stared at the cards, your mouth open in shock.

You lost.

How had you lost? You smacked your hands to your face, covering it in shame and despair, trying to drown out the whoops and hollers coming from the Australian.

“Out of all the hands I won, this had to be the one I lost?” You grumbled, your voice muffled by your hands.

“No one forced your hand, you got too cocky.” Max said flatly, not an ounce of empathy in his voice.

“Shut up.” You snapped, to which Max only laughed in response.

The game disbursed after that hand, Max and Charles retreating to play more video games, leaving you to wallow at the table.

When you pulled your hands from your face, you were met with Daniel sitting in the chair next to you, waiting patiently for you to come out from hiding. His grin made you want to hide again.

“How bad is it going to be?” You groaned.

“I haven’t decided yet. There’s just too many options, I can’t narrow any of them down!” He chuckled, leaning back in his chair, hands behind his head confidently.

“I hope you know it’s going somewhere that no one will ever see it.” You said petulantly.

“Mm, I think no matter where you put it I’ll still get to see it.” Daniel smiled wickedly.

“That’s what you think! The chances of you ever seeing anything will depend on what you chose.”

“Alright, alright. What about a lifelike depiction of a Honey Badger?” He couldn’t even keep a straight face while suggesting it.

“That would have to be huge!”

“We never put any size restrictions on this.”

“I would have been nice to you if I won.” You could hear the lie in your voice as soon as you said. Daniel could too, he cackled in response.

“No way! I reckon you’d have picked something awful. Don’t pretend like you’re not still a little mean.”

“I Hate Texas” You waved your hand in front of you like you could see the writing there.

“You’re a lot mean!” Daniel gasped in horror. You laughed triumphantly when he had the exact response you’d expected and hoped for.

Your conversation came to a screeching halt when Max strode back into the dining room. You could see the suspicion on his face.

“I’d thought you’d be a lot more upset.” His tone held suspicions of it’s own.

“Who says I’m not?” You crossed your arms, leaning back and away from Daniel.

“The way you are chatting says you’re not. You’re not allowed to bribe Daniel to pick something you want.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be on MY side?” You raised a brow at him.

“Rules are rules.” He shrugged. Daniel snickered.

“What rules?! Can I please get a copy of the rules?” You cried out, only to be met with laughter, yet again.

Even with losing a bet to Daniel and your best friend on his side, you still realized you felt…happy.

You should have been sleeping when your phone started ringing at 2:00am, but instead you’d spent your time contemplating what the hell had happened that allowed you to become friends with Daniel. And not…mad about it?

“Hello?”

“How’re ya goin’?” Daniel’s voice made your stomach flutter and you hated yourself for it. He was calling you at 2:00am. You weren’t an idiot, you knew what it meant. A booty call.

“Fine. And yourself?”

“Oh, very well, thanks. Still reeling after such a successful poker night.”

You could practically hear the smirk on his face.

“You lost a ton of money but won one bet and that’s a wildly successful poker night?”

“Come outside.” The playfulness was gone, replaced by something else. Something that made you shiver.

You began to contemplate your next move and then stopped yourself short.

No. No more overthinking.

“Be right down.” You promised, hopping up to grab some shoes. You grabbed only your keys and phone, tossing them into the pocket of your hoodie and hurried down the stairs of your apartment building.

When you got down to the street, you realized you had no idea what kind of car Daniel was driving. However, before you could reach for your phone, a car pulled up directly in front of you, the window of the passenger side rolled down.

Daniel smiled affectionately at you and the world stopped for just a second.

You quickly got in and shut the door, your eyes going to the snapback hat on Daniel’s head.

“Backwards hat again?” You asked, buckling your seatbelt as he pulled away from the curb. “Pandering.”

“Says the girl wearing my hoodie.” Daniel quipped back.

Shit. This was his hoodie and you’d put it on because it still smelled like him but you were never supposed to leave the house in it! Much less let him know you wore it.

“That’s different.” You scrambled.

“Oh? And how?” Daniel sounded eager to hear how you were going to talk your way out of it.

“Because you put it on on purpose so I’d see it and you were never supposed to know that I wore this or see me in it.”

Daniel looked more pleased with that answer than if you would have told him you wore it for him.

“Right, gotcha.” He laughed, his eyes lingering on you a little too long.

“Watch the road.”

“I am a world class driver, I don’t need a backseat driver alright?”

“I’m in the passenger seat.”

“Keep it up and you’re getting the worst tattoo I can think of.” Daniel tried to sound threatening, but it was lost completely with the smile and laugh in his voice.

“So a Daniel Ricciardo tattoo?” You couldn’t help it. It was too easy and too much fun.

Daniel laughed loudly, the sound warming you from the inside out as you wore a proud smile.

As he pulled into his parking garage you realized just how close he lived to you. And also reminded of just how much more money he had than you.

You whistled lowly at the cars you passed.

“What?” Daniel asked, pulling into a spot and shutting off the car.

“It’s like a museum of expensive cars.” You laughed.

“You do remember you’re in Monaco right?”

“Duh. I just…nevermind, it’s not important.” You unbuckle your seatbelt and get out of the car, waiting for Daniel as you didn’t know which way to go. You’d never been to his apartment.

Daniel strode up next to you, taking your hand in his. You looked down at your hands, blinking in surprise. Your cheeks were going to actually hurt from smiling by the time this day was over.

The door to Daniel’s apartment was barely even closed and his lips were already on yours. He kisses you passionately, the kiss feels…different…than before. Like he’s missed you. His kiss makes your head spin, even though you’d ought to be used to it by now.

His hands are on your waist as he pulls you to him firmly. His hands then slide down, the pads of his fingers press firmly into your ass and you whimper in response, fingers threading through his hair and gripping tightly.

His mouth devours yours, his teeth biting your lips and then his tongue smoothing over the bites soothingly. The sounds you make are desperate and needy and should be absolutely embarrassing, but you don’t care. You can’t care. You hadn’t seen him at all for a few days before today and you craved him more than you’d ever admit.

You pull his flannel off of him, tossing it somewhere as he walks you somewhere, navigating slowly without breaking the contact between your lips. You feel the edge of his bed hit the back of your legs and you fall back, taking him with you.

Daniel pulls your leggings off in seconds, his movements hurried and desperate. You raise an eyebrow in question.

“Can’t drag it out, m’sorry babe.” He shakes his head. “Need to be inside you, I’ve missed it so much.”

Your stomach flips in the most delicious way at his words, unsure of which part of his confession you like the most.

You nod, sitting up to help rid him of his shirt, your lips finding their way back to his desperately.

Daniel fumbles with his pants and boxers and then before you even realize what’s happening, he’s pinned you to his bed, your arms above your head, held with one of his large hands at your wrists. His other hand discards your underwear and his knee knocks your legs open wider.

You glance down at the hoodie you’re still wearing and Daniel tracks your eye movement.

“I want you to leave it on. I want to fuck you in my clothes.” He states as he pauses to take you in, his eyes scanning you from head to toe.

His words make you squirm under him, your hips lifting up and pressing to his desperately searching for some friction.

“Please” You whisper and whine. “Please Danny, need you.”

Daniel obliges, pushing himself into you in one solid thrust. You cry out loudly, your arms fighting against the restraint he held you in. He releases you and your arms immediately wrap around him, one hand twisting into his hair.

He always fills you so incredibly full, you’re not sure if you’ll ever get used to it. You hope you don’t, the stretch burns too perfectly.

“Fuck…” Daniel breathes, his mouth right next to your ear. He’s still for a moment and you wiggle under him, urging him to move.

“Hold on, I just…” He laughs breathlessly “...need a moment.”

You laugh softly and he shudders in response, the muscles of his back rippling tight, a low groan coming from the back of his throat.

“Don’t do that!” He whines.

“Don’t laugh?” You question, the question itself making you want to laugh.

“I dunno what the fuck you’ve done, but you’ve turned me into a teenage boy.” He pulls back, looking down at you in astonishment. “The second I’m inside you it’s too good.”

The way he makes eye contact with you while he says those words makes you writhe under him, you can’t help it. He smirks and slowly drags himself out of you and then thrusts back in roughly. Your eyes squeeze shut and all thoughts erase from your mind besides how fucking good he feels.

Daniel’s hand slides between you, his fingers beginning to circle the aching bundle of nerves between your legs. You throw your head back against his bed, crying his name out loudly.

“Missed this.” Daniel gasps, his hands holding your hips so firmly as he drives into you that you’re expecting bruises.

You nod frantically in agreement, pulling him down to you so you can kiss him sloppily.

“I promise I’ll take my time with you after this.” He whispers against your lips. “I’ll make you come over and over again until you pass out.”

You moan at his words, nodding again involuntarily and begging for it before you even realize you’re speaking, not even recognizing the sound of your own voice.

“Such a good girl” Daniel purrs, his fingers perfectly complementing his thrusts. “Always willing to do whatever it is I decide we’re doing.”

His praise shoves you closer to the edge violently, and as you open your mouth to tell him you’re close, he speaks before you can.

“You look so fucking good in my clothes. How was I supposed to go slowly with you when you show up in my hoodie and the sight drives me fucking mad.” Daniel leans down and nips the spot where your jaw meets your neck, just under your ear.

“Makes you look like mine.”

Mine.

The word pushes you over the edge.

“Danny!” You come hard, your orgasm flooding every inch of your body with hot waves of pleasure, your vision almost blacking out for a moment.

Daniel coaxes you through each wave, and then holds you to him tightly as he comes inside you, your name and infinite praises cried into your ear.

You’re both still for a moment and all you can hear over and over are the confusing words and titles uttered today.

Friends. Mine. Missed you.

For the first time, you let yourself think about what it would look like to actually be his. To spend every night in a bed next to him. To be able to hold his hand and kiss him in public. To finally get rid of the weight of such a huge secret.

Before you can get much further, you stop yourself. Friends are a long cry from together. And the all those reasons you just simply ‘can’t’ are still there and still real.

Daniel propped himself up on his arms and pulls out of you slowly and then flops onto his back, grabbing you and bringing you with him so you’re laying with your head on his chest, his arms wrapped around you tightly. You tense slightly. With all of your thoughts bringing you back to the very real reasons that you and Daniel would never seriously be together, the gesture now feels extremely intimate.

So you quickly hop up and make an escape to the bathroom, which you assume can’t seem too weird as it’s something you’d need to do no matter what.

When you come back, Daniel smiles from where he’s now sitting in bed and wraps an arm around your waist, pulling you to him to hug you tightly, his face on your stomach buried in the fabric of his hoodie.

You tense entirely this time.

“What?” Daniel notices and pulls back to look up at you.

“What what?” You don’t look down, in fact you close your eyes.

“You got all stiff and weird.” He hugs you again, like trying again will remedy it. “See?!”

“I’m not, I just wasn’t expecting you to hug me.” You shrug.

“You aren’t much of a hugger, are you?” He says it casually, but it lands like kind of an insult.

“I dunno…” You frown and pull out of his grasp, crossing the room to grab your discarded underwear and leggings, relieved that you have something to do to avoid his gaze. He’s kind of right, but that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy hugs.

“What, was someone not hugged enough as a child?” He laughs and you can hear the grin in his voice.

He’s joking. You know he’s joking. Teasing like the two of you always do. And yet, you freeze with your hands pulling your pants up halfway up your legs, the words catching you completely off guard, making your stomach flip and this time it’s not in a good way.

There’s a tense silence, like he’s waiting for you to laugh or tease him back or just…respond at all. You finish pulling your clothes on and then swallow, the lump forming in your throat making it challenging.

It’s not his fault. He doesn’t know. You try and reassure yourself but when he speaks again, your rational brain leaves the building.

“Mommy or Daddy issues could actually explain a lot. Why you aren’t a hugger…” He kept talking, still joking and all you wanted was for him to shut up. “..why you aren’t affectionate. Might even explain that praise kink you’ve got going on.” He winks and cackles, obviously trying to get a rise out of you.

You feel like you’re going to throw up or cry or both.

“Not affectionate?” You snap, whipping your head towards him. “How would you know if I’m affectionate or not?”

Daniel’s smile falls from his face and his eyes widen in shock when he realizes you’re absolutely not joking. He just blinks a few times, stuttering for an answer.

“Maybe I’m not a hugger or not affectionate towards you because you’re a giant shitass. Did you get that from your mommy and daddy?” You can’t help it. If you don’t scream at him you’ll break down in tears and that would be much, much worse.

When your eyes start to burn with hot tears anyway, you know you have to get out of here. Sure you got a ride, but it’s Monaco and everything is close. You just need out of this apartment, where you can breathe, where you can sit down and ease the tightening growing in your chest.

Before he can say anything else, you bolt, slamming his bedroom door behind you. You make it to the front door and grab your shoes, not bothering to even put them on. Your hand grabs the handle and you hear the bedroom door open, your name being called out frantically.

“No, stop, just wait! I was just joking!” Daniel hurries after you, now clad in only boxer briefs.

“Some joke.” You scoff, opening the door and then letting it slam shut behind you without even a glance back at him. Once you exit, you glance to the left and then the right, trying to remember which way you came from.

The door opens again and you set off, needing to go any direction that takes you away from him.

“Will you please just wait a fucking second?!” Daniel calls from the door. You’re relieved that he isn’t wearing any clothes because it means he can’t follow you any further. “I didn’t mean any of it like that!”

You don’t give him any indication that you even heard him, you just keep speed walking intently. When it’s silent after that, you take a quick glance back behind you, exhaling in relief when you see his door shut again and no sign of him.

You wrap your arms around yourself as you walk in the dark, inhaling slowly to try and ground yourself, but it doesn’t work, hot tears spill down your face, a soft sob wracking your body.

“How could I be such a fucking stupid….” Daniel grumbled under his breath as he dressed as quickly as possible, nearly falling his face as he clumsily tried to get a shoe on.

He had to apologize. No way he was just going to let you leave like this. No way was he going to let everything go back to the way it was before, when you hated him so much you couldn’t stand to even be in the same room as him.

The fact that dawned on him was one that should have been realized a long time ago. He didn’t know anything about your family at all. Not a single detail. You never spoke about them.

Maybe that should have been my hint… He scolded himself again, shaking his head, furious at himself. He finally ran out the door, jeans and a random shirt thrown on, a hat grabbed on the way out.

He jogged along the route you would have taken home, but saw no sign of you. Maybe you called a ride? Or sprinted all the way home so he wouldn’t have a chance of catching up to you?

When he made it to your flat, he pounded on your door for what felt like 30 minutes. His hand was starting to get sore. But he wasn’t giving up, he couldn’t just leave, he needed to explain, to apologize for being such an oblivious asshole.

He had to. He had to fix it because it was finally, finally starting to go right.

Friends. Max had said you were friends today and you didn’t correct him or sound appalled at the idea.

And I had to go and blow it because I thought I was funny…

Daniel gave his hand a much needed rest and moved to your window, trying to peer in without looking like a creeper. The lights were off. He didn’t see your shoes by the door, any other signs that you'd recently got in. You didn’t come home.

His mind quickly tried to decide what would make more sense, going to Charles or Max’s. If you went to Max’s he’d ask questions, he’d assume Charles upset you and knowing Max, he wouldn’t let it go easily with the other.

But were you close enough with Charles to go to him for comfort?

How is it that I don’t even fucking know a goddamn important thing about her?!

“Fuck!” He blurted in exasperation. He’d been angry at himself plenty of times before. Baku after the incident with Max. After many qualifying sessions this year. Even after the first time he met you. But this? This took the cake.

“Alright. Charles’ first and then Max’s.” He spoke out loud to himself, like it would help him get a grip. It didn’t.

He wasn’t going to call first. He didn’t want to be told that you didn’t want to see him or to go home. No, he needed to see you tonight.

Thankfully on the 5th or 6th knock, the door to Charles’ apartment opened.

Daniel knew just by how unimpressed Charles looked, that you had to be here.

“You are a fucking idiot.” Charles stated.

Yep that confirms it.

“I know.” Daniel nodded in agreement. “I know, I just need to talk to her for a second, she didn’t let me explain.” He tried to look over Charles shoulder to see if he could spot you, wave you down, something, anything.

“I’m not sure there is much to explain, what you said was straight forward.” Charles didn’t so much as budge from where he stood blocking the door.

“I know, but I didn’t know about….her situation…when I said it. I still don’t even really know, I’m guessing she doesn’t have a good relationship with her parents? It doesn’t matter, I know that I fucked up.”

“Does not have a good relationship with her parents?” Charles sounded disgusted. He looked over his shoulder as if to make sure you weren’t around and then stepped outside with Daniel, closing the door behind him.

“This is not my place but it doesn’t seem you quite understand what you said.” Charles started.

Daniel had a feeling he was about to feel a lot worse.

“Her mother raced, that’s where she got the love of it. There was an accident. After her mother passed away, her father gave up. He didn’t take care of himself or her. Unsupportive would be saying it lightly. She went to live with her uncle, who raised her. “ Charles huffed out a breath. “That’s the very short version, she can tell you the detailed story.”

As Daniel let Charles’ words sink in, he was sure that he’d never ever fucked up so badly before in his life.

“And I thought the comment you made last week was bad” Charles grumbled, his words trailing off into a sigh.

Daniel paused, trying to remember what it was he’d said. Then it clicked.

Thanks mate, but she has a mum.

Fuck.

Somehow, it got worse.

He wasn’t just angry at himself or annoyed at himself like he was in the past when he thought he’d gone too far with you.

He loathed himself.

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@theplobnrgone

@starlightoctavia

@bigdiccricc

@cosmic-w0lf

@alexiaricciardo

@kristine-elvira

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