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cosmicjoke · 2 years

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One of the most interesting and I think important contrasts in Attack on Titan is the one between Levi and his uncle, Kenny.

Kenny believes, after his encounter with Uri Reiss, that kindness can only be achieved through power. He believes that if he’s somehow able to attain as much power as Uri, then he too can become a kind person, and let go of his cruelty. Kenny’s beliefs aren’t entirely unfounded either. Though rather than it being power that allows for people to generally be kind, I would say it’s more ease of living that allows it.

In general, people living in a controlled society and civilization are more capable of kindness and generosity because there just simply isn’t the same level of struggle and fight for survival as there would be otherwise. Without a constant threat to our lives, such as starvation, not knowing where our next meal is going to come from, or fear that we’ll be killed by some bigger, stronger animal, or even the every day threat of being killed by other people due to enforced laws and greater availability of life essentials, like food, water, shelter, etc... we’re given then the luxury of idle thought, which leads to philosophy, which includes concepts like morality, etc... If we aren’t in a constant battle for simple survival, we suddenly can afford to consider things like moral questions and other, more abstract notions. So Kenny’s belief that with power comes kindness has in it a definite element of truth. Kenny feels he’s never been able to be kind because, due to the persecution of his family inside the walls, he’s never been able to afford it, being in a constant fight for his life, and the lives of those he loves. This struggle for survival has turned him cruel and cold-hearted. It’s turned him violent, and with that continued necessity of violence for his own survival, he began to twist into a person who enjoyed violence; a person who began to engage in violence for his own pleasure and amusement, killing random MP’s for simple revenge. The harshness of Kenny’s life is what turned him into a bad person, or so he believes.

Ironically, in his quest for become kinder through the seeking of more power, Kenny only became crueler and more ruthless, disregarding the lives of others for his own, selfish gain and dream.

Levi, by contrast, is the opposite, and really serves as an exception to this rule, or this notion of Kenny’s.

Levi is largely acknowledged as the character in AoT who has suffered and lost the most. Everyone he ever loved and cared about ends up dead, his family and friends alike; his comrades. He grew up in abject poverty, and was exposed early on to the cruelty of human beings and the horror of death, watching his mother be used like an object for the pleasure and amusement of others, before finally succumbing to disease, after which Levi was trapped in a room with her decomposing body for who knows how long before Kenny found him. No one in the brothel even knew Kuchel had died, which means no one even went to check on Levi before Kenny came. And when Kenny did find him, he was starving to death. Starvation isn’t something most of us can ever even imagine. What it’s actually like, what kind of pain it causes, what kind of sickness.

Levi was then raised by Kenny for a few years, in which Kenny taught Levi how to kill, exposing him to yet more violence and cruelty, before abandoning him on the streets of the Underground to fend for himself while Levi was still very much a child. The Underground is a place where the dregs of society end up, many of them criminals escaping the law. It’s a cutthroat environment of kill or be killed. A ruthless world where kindness and compassion isn’t allowed to exist because of the overbearing struggle to simply survive.

Levi lived this life that most of us are lucky enough to never have to experience. That life which society usually protects us from, in which our survival isn’t at all guaranteed, or even likely. Where starvation is a real possibility, where being killed over some sort of dispute, over territory, or over resources, food, water, shelter, clothing, isn’t just possible, but even probable.

Given that he lived this sort of life, being in a state of constant struggle and uncertainty, with no promise of tomorrow, living in a constant state of fear, by Kenny’s measure, Levi should have turned out like him. A cold-hearted, ruthless killer, incapable of kindness, compassion or generosity for the harshness of his life.

This is an important theme in AoT, this idea of nature versus nurture; this idea of how much our environment and the circumstances of our lives impact who we become. Many characters within the world of AoT use their upbringings and the circumstances of their lives as an excuse for their behavior. Ala, “I did this because of that”, “because of this experience, I was made into this”, and so on.

If anyone had an excuse, then, to be unkind and cruel and unempathetic, it would be Levi. Not only did he grow up in a constant struggle to simply survive, but he was also an outcast, spurned by society above, rejected as unwanted riffraff, not even allowed to consider citizenship, or seek the benefits of such.

And yet... Levi is also largely acknowledged as the kindest and most compassionate character in AoT, the most empathetic and caring. The fact of Levi’s character directly contradicts Kenny’s belief, that you can only be kind if you have power, or control. That you can only be kind if you have the luxury of it, if you aren’t in a constant battle to survive. Levi, while physically powerful, has no real power beyond that. He ran a gang Underground, but he never sought that power out, rather was roped into by Furlan, who wanted Levi’s strength to help him in his own endeavors. And Levi considered Isabel and Furlan to be equal partners in that with him, sharing in the responsibility, and having an equal voice and vote in the decision making. Instead of wielding what little power he had there to gain more power, instead of letting that power make him crueler, as Kenny did, he instead used it to try and help as many people as he could, taking in other abandoned children and delinquents, giving them a chance at survival they might otherwise have never had, using his strength to better people’s lives. Levi’s innate goodness of heart is what dictated his actions and behavior, regardless of the circumstances of his life, or the cutthroat nature of the world he occupied.

Later, while part of the Survey Corps, and while having a limited role of authority as a Captain, Levi still wasn’t in charge of any significant decision making. He wasn’t the final authority on any of the big decisions or operations. He’s never had ultimate power over anything. He saw himself, and was largely treated as a weapon to be wielded by others whom he considered more capable than him in making important decisions, and he allowed it because he believed it was the best way for his strength to be utilized, to be wielded as a sword and shield for humanity. The power he did have, as a physical weapon, he allowed to be used by others for their benefit, not his own. And that kindness, compassion and generosity which had always dictated his actions continued. He always went out of his way to express his gratitude towards his comrades and friends. He made it a priority to give meaning to their sacrifices. He took the time to ask after them and to check on their well being. He constantly put his own life on the line in an attempt to protect theirs, and the lives of all the people inside the walls. He kept fighting for them even after he’d lost everything.

I always point out how Levi’s befriending of Furlan and Isabel is a prime example of his innate goodness. Because it would have been far easier for Levi to survive on his own, without the weight or pressure of having to care for and look after two people weaker than himself. It would have bettered his own chances of survival, if he were to have continued on alone, with only himself to worry about. But he didn’t do that. He allowed them into his life, even with the risk it posed to himself, and in spite of the harshness and cruelty of his experiences growing up. He still retained an open and generous enough heart to make friends, even after all of the terrible things he’d been through, even after all of the awful examples he’d been set and exposed to, from growing up in a brothel, to watching his mother used and abused, and then seeing her waste away and die without anyone offering any kind of help to either of them, and then later being abandoned by his sole guardian to survive in a world where survival wasn’t even a likelihood.

Levi’s experiences didn’t make him cruel, or cold, or ungenerous. They did the opposite. And that’s truly a testament to his innate kindness and compassion. That experiences that would, for many, make them meaner and less sympathetic, like with Kenny, with Levi, only enhanced those qualities already existing in him. His sensitivity toward other people’s suffering, and his wish to somehow ease that suffering, was only brought more to the surface.

Levi’s cruel and deprived upbringing may have made him rough around the edges. It may have made him too blunt and honest for other people’s tastes. It may have robbed him of the social skills required to be charming, or likeable. It may have stolen from him the ability to ever, truly fit in or navigate social interactions with ease. It may have made him violent, and intimately aware of the nature of violence, and its unavoidable role in the human condition. But one thing it never made him was cruel, and one thing it never took from him was his compassion or kindness, or the value with which he regards the lives of others. That truly is testament then to the opposite of Kenny’s beliefs, that even in a world where we struggle to survive, empathy and goodness can still win the day.

#Levi Ackerman #shingeki no kyojin #attack on titan #meta #SNK analysis

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katieboo13 · 10 months

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Would anybody be interested in me posting this fic, which I’m currently finishing, on AO3?

It’s a song inspired fic inspired by Act My Age by Hoodie Allen. The papaya boys fit it so well.

Oscar pov

McLaren must have some sick sense of humor. Their latest social media video idea is to have us, the youngest team on the grid, play with nostalgic childhood toys. No wonder everyone looks at Lando and I like we’re so child like, even the pr team is fucking leaning into it.

With two weekends in a row of the papaya car looking like it belongs in the race, now is the time to get serious and double down on the fact that we deserve to be here. We’re here to compete. With just Spa left before summer break, it’s one last chance to prove that I’m not just a rookie, I’m a future WDC.

And yet, here I am, sitting on these uncomfortable papaya chairs across from Lando who is wearing a facial expression that conveys that he is much more excited than I to be playing with children’s toys.

That’s the thing you have to love about Lando, he lives life with an air of childlike happiness. Sure, he’s spent time with his Monaco based best friend Max “I’m going to adopt the Kimi Raikkonen press strategy” Verstappen, but generally Lando is like a glass of champagne— sweet and bubbly, and you can help but join in on the laughter and smiles after a while around him.

He’s survived his rookie year, he’s gone through two older and more experienced teammates, he is loved by the grid and fans alike. And yet, around me he isn’t the wiser older teammate, but more like a class clown. Trying to break my façade and encouraging me to loosen up.

Easier said than done.

And he must know. I’m stressed beyond belief. I’ve seen the revolving door of teammates at McLaren. They’re willing to invest in youth but I know I need to be up to their standards or I might be packing my bags. Even at Prema, I was never the outgoing or fun seeking teammate.

I have seen the YouTube video comments. It’s not that I didn’t enjoy and encourage the antics of Fred, Robert, Arthur, and Logan— I just have a dream, a goal, and a need to focus to get there.

Logan understands. We grew up together. He saw me build confidence in myself, and I him. Despite what the racing world thinks of the American pilot, he’s not an off duty frat boy in a fast car, he’s shy and reserved in the paddock. And other drivers can sense it around him too.

We stick together because that’s how it’s always been. I calm him and he calms me. When given the opportunity, like when we are given the larger busses for the drivers parade, I stay with Lo because I know that his presence will regulate my emotions.

But now. In this Papaya room, Lando is having the opposite effect.

He’s squirming in his chair, struggling to get comfortable, and giggling like crazy. Even the media team is getting antsy. And he’s just looking at me. Big puppy eyes and all. Sitting leaned sideways in the chair like a lunatic, laughing. His stubbly beard and mustache he’s so proud of making him look his age in comparison to me.

It’s endearing really. How he can place p2 two weekends in a row, and still be this giddy before a race.

Although, his placing high has led to some interesting team bonding.

After Silverstone I found myself being dragged along with a thrilled Lando, who was practically vibrating with excitement. A second place finish in your home Grand Prix is certainly worth celebrating, but my fourth place was not. And yet he had convinced me to do a shoey on stage. His big puppy eyes, skin coated in sticky sweet champagne, and a crowd behind him watching my resolve crumble.

That’s where it all started. Somehow that resulted in me, being dragged into a hotel lift by a somewhat equally intoxicated Lando. The world was spinning by and my skin felt gloriously warm. Lando was hiccuping and giggling at us every time we tripped over our own feet.

Once inside the lift, Lando looked at me with an intensity that I’m not sure my sober self even now, two weeks later, can unpack. Suddenly I was not so sure what the cause of the heat on my skin was. Because even my ex girlfriend had never looked at me like she was that… hungry?

I hadn’t even intended to get this inebriated. But Lando kept buying us drinks. And I kept finishing them. And now.

Now I’m looking at this man, my older teammate, as he grabs a Barbie doll still in her box, and I can even feel the doe eyed dopey look on my own face. Lando breaks my internal struggle by waving poor Barbie in my face.

Can’t he act his own age?

After the video has been filmed and we are released for the day, only mildly worse for the wear— the audience now knows I might have consumed some play dough as a child— I stop him in the hall.

“Can’t you act your age?”

“Mate why would I want to… we missed out on being normal teenagers. Went to races on weekends and not secondary school parties. I was worried about racing license points, and not having a fake ID to get into pubs. Everybody else is growing up and getting jobs and isn’t going out and getting drunk, but I want to. We deserve to act a little childish.”

His response makes sense, but not at all. I gave up everything in order to get here. Now is not the time to just party.

“Osc, let me show you that growing up is lame. Let me show you why it’s a good thing to not act my age.”

Osc.

He called me a nickname.

Fuck.

My stomach didn’t just flip at the use of the nickname from my teammate. My face isn’t going red. My neck isn’t hot. And Lando definitely isn’t looking at me like a man who knows what he has done.

Nope.

#f1 #lando norris #oscar piastri #mctwinks #smut #well smut eventually

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girlwiththenegantattoo · 1 year

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Hoover, Nobody Does It Like You

This idea was planted in my head awhile back after a conversation where we were throwing around hilarious ideas in regards to Jeb being a vacuum salesman. The seed began to sprout after a conversation of Hamish's new look (what I said looked like a 70s porn star.)

Thank you to @agirlinherhead for brainstorming with me and @aherdofbees for this absolutely AMAZING collaboration piece and throwing ideas around with me as well.

This is a 2 parter and the second part has more character/ story details with plenty of smut and fluff

One more side note: in the 70s apparently they had porn post card/playing cards so that's what this is loosely based off of

"I wouldn't say he's horrible to work with, but I wouldn't put him in the top ten either. Maybe it's good that he's a no show."

Mila rolled her eyes at, yet another statement only spoken to flaunt Gina's ever-expanding ego. An ego of which stemmed from the belief of being in such high demand.

Working in the erotic photography industry meant that you could do everything that’s done in a porn video, but there wasn’t a need for acting or reason for dialogues. Though pornos could be cheesy, Mila was sure there was a line production companies drew when it came to acting and she was also convinced that Gina's would greatly cross that it. After all, it has to be difficult for men to stay hard when their partner is flailing around and letting out the most unbelievable and unattractive moans.

With Tommy calling out (the man picked to join the two of them) it left Mila, Gina, and Howard. Originally, Howard planned for two men, one to accompany each woman and have the whole photoshoot wrapped up in under three hours. Mila couldn’t remember the first man’s name but had been confused as to why he didn’t show up. Tommy’s callout, on the other hand, came as no surprise. He was having a rough go with some ED issues. Or so Mila was told.

“Well honestly, I wasn’t much in the mood for a shoot as it was. Ill just make up the money on a different day”

Gina stood from her spot on the couch and began straightening her red silk robe. A robe she kept tied just above her navel and the front opened in the shape of a V, covering most of her breasts while still allowing some inner cleavage to be seen.

“Yeah, I guess I’ll do the same,” Mila replied as she followed suit and made her way towards her bedroom.

—--

The sound of a generic doorbell echoed from behind the solid wooden door. It was the same sound as every doorbell Jeb rang. Removing his finger he reminded himself that today is a brand new day. A day where the sun was shining and he got to wake up in his own bed. Another day that started with an early wake up to shave and shower, a day built by routine. Despite the positive outlook, it was also just another day spent staring in the mirror while trying to neatly part his wavy brown hair and fighting back tears as he brushed his teeth. There had been nothing glorious about choosing to become a vacuum salesman after Jeb got out of federal prison but the job somehow managed to pay the bills.

The distance sound of high heels clacking grew louder as they made their way to the door. When it slowly opened, any well practiced sales pitch Jeb prided himself in knowing, suddenly died in the back of his throat.

“Can I help you?”

“Hell...uh...hello. Would you be interested in a vacuum...I mean a demonstration of this vacuum.” That wasn’t at all how it was supposed to start. He forced a single laugh before continuing his butchered spiel. "It has so many great features and it works really well." Jeb hoped she hadn't caught the wince he made; however, she did. She also caught the moment his cheeks changed from their olive tone to a red blush that stretched across his face. Even the way his blue eyes darted everywhere in an attempt to keep them from landing on the exposed skin of her chest. Had Gina been standing a foot closer, the ridiculously under dressed woman would have even seen the sweat droplets forming at the top of Jeb’s hairline.

The silence between them was brief but the way Gina’s brown eyes slowly studied every inch of Jeb’s features had made time stand still. Never sparing a glance at the bulky bodied display Hoover; that of which looked like a child's toy next to Jeb’s 6 '4 frame, she finally spoke.

"Would you be willing to demonstrate while having your picture taken?” Jeb’s eyes flew to hers in a startled reaction.

"Pictures of me...vacuuming?"

A quick nod and an expectant look were all Gina offered for an answer, before speaking again. "If you're worried about your appearance you have absolutely nothing to worry about. It's just a little photo shoot. Plus, there’s money involved.”

Jeb stood there silently, running through made up scenarios and weighing his options. It couldn't be too bad, could it? If he don’t sell the vacuum, he’ll still make some money.

“O...uh okay."

Gina took a step to the side, allowing the door to open all the way. “Well come on in then,” she said gesturing behind her with a tilt of her head.

The vacuum clunked and clanked as Jeb fought with one hand to turn it around by its handle. His intention was to wheel it in. Why he hadn't just used two hands to lift and turn the vacuum was beyond her but as he finally stood up straight with a tight grip at the base of its handle assembly, Gina thought his act of trying to play it cool was more entertaining to watch.

—-

Jeb followed Gina past the small entryway to a large, open room sat tucked away near the back of the house. Its décor consisted of burnt orange walls with carpet to match and a huge sofa bed. "Just hangout here. They'll be right out." They? She turned to leave without further instructions and just like that, Jeb was left alone in a stranger’s room, wondering what the hell he was doing.

Feeling utterly out of place he began to look for a power outlet. There were only two that he spotted, one being quite literally across the room from the other. The distance from one outlet to the door was fairly long however, luckily for him and anyone that owned a Hoover, the vacuums come complete with extra long cords. A fact Jeb normally made sure to always touch on when doing his well rehearsed sales pitch. Normally as in when he's not having to speak to a woman with very little on.

"So, you're my new costar?" A woman asked from behind Jeb and just inside the doorway. This woman's voice was different from the one he heard earlier. It was softer, more welcoming. After plugging in the cord Jeb straightened up and went to turn around. "Costa-”

The sound of Jeb’s heels catching on the gray cord was muted but Mila was certain the thump of his ass harshly meeting the ground could be heard in the next room.

"Oh my god! Are you ok?!"

This all must be a dream. First the scantily robed woman at the door, hair as if she just left the beauty salon and now this woman. She stood mere feet away now, concern written all over her angelic face and a glint of something Jeb hadn't seen in quite some time, inside big green eyes. Her features aside, it was the fact that all she wore was a men's collared, long sleeved button up shirt with frilly white underwear that peeked out just below the hem, that caused Jeb’s jaw to drop. A noise akin to a click came from just over Mila’s shoulder. Another one quickly followed; this time it was accompanied by a flash.

"That's great! That's good, now let’s do it with a look of shit, she's gorgeous and coming towards me rather than I just saw a ghost hmm."

Jeb was now able to piece together the fact that there were three people in that room and yet he was still completely confused as to what that man was asking of him.

"Mila, I want you to go over and unbutton all but the top one, open his shirt a bit and stand back in front of him. After, we'll get a series with you straddling his hips."

If Jeb's brain worked properly, it would have sent a signal to all his limbs, telling his knees to bend and arms to push so he could stand upright. But, perhaps if it had told him to make the short trip to the door, his feet would have become a tangled mess, causing more embarrassment for him. Instead, Jeb's brain chose to play the lovely tone of white noise and give him the complete inability to think.

While his brain was still trying to catch up, delicate fingers worked the small black button with ease while Jeb suddenly got lost in green irises. He’d been so caught up in her eyes that he hadn’t registered the rise of Mila’s brows or the soft lift of the corner of her lips. An attempt at a mischievous look. A disappointed whimper threatened to leave Jeb at the loss of closeness when Mila stepped back but quickly disappeared along with the air in his lungs the second she removed her shirt. Her shapely breast, void of any type of material, sent Jeb into another mesmerizing trance.

“Yes, just like that. Put your hand on your hip Mila. Good. good, now flash him a shy smile. Better yet bite your lip.”

Sounds of clicks and flashes rang out like rapid fire as Jeb began to desperately search for a way to hide his erection.

“Look at this guy, he's a natural. Now that you got him excited, give me a surprised look that turns seductive. Yes, that's it! You see what he's working with and now you're so turned on.”

Mila was fairly impressed with Jeb’s prompt excitement. Usually, most would require several minutes before to stare at images or one of the model's naked forms while stroking themself earnestly to get hard. The part that irritated her the most was when they chose her to do so. Taking pictures while in the nude WITH someone was vastly different than just standing there while they stared and tried to get it up.

“Yes! That's perfect. Now. I want to get a few with you crawling towards him. After you settle in his lap, I want you to kiss him starting at his neck”

Instead of white noise, Jeb now heard the prominent beating of his heart in his ears. All he could do was watch her, transfixed to the spot in which he sat. Mila’s movements were made with fluent grace as a click followed each advancement she made. Reaching the middle of Jeb’s long, spread legs, Mila placed a knee on either side of his hips and straddled him.

"Are you ready?" She whispered seductively.

Mila spread her knees a little further allowing her to sit flush against his erection. Before her lips could touch the soft skin behind his ear the sounds of Jeb’s panicked moans abruptly halted all her movements.

"Oh god, oh god...I…shit." Jeb’s body suddenly curled inward. With his face turned away he tried to quell the pounding of his heart. He couldn't bring himself to look at Mila. Not now. Not after the single touch of her clothed core caused him to ruin his pants.

"Did he just-"

"Howard." Mila quickly interrupted as she gently placed her hand on Jeb's shoulder. "I'd like to take a break now." The photographer let out a huff before begrudgingly walking off, waiting until he was halfway across the hall to yell that she could take 30.

"Hey?" Though her voice was quiet, Jeb expected to find a look of disgust or even exasperation, but as his eyes met hers, he found neither. "You haven't done this before have you?" Mila's question was spoken kindly, her tone that of something asked with genuine curiosity. Jeb's answer was instantaneous and short, the pitch in how it was said causing Mila to hide the endearing smile that threatened to cover her lips.

"GOODNESS no!"

#hamish linklater #oh jeb #jeb magruder #haimgruder #jeb honey #hot jeb summer #turned cold jeb winter

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fundielicious-simblr · 1 year

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(Adalynn's POV)(Some 3rd person POV for the pictures below just for some character development as well)

Life since Harvestfest has been so good! Getting to see my family was such a great way to recharge, staying at my parent's house brought back such great memories from childhood, and being able to show the boys the area where I grew up is always a great experience, especially when they get to go to my dad's church. We got to see all of my siblings and their families, it's always especially nice to see Beckett and Mandy back from Selvadorada and hear their testimonies and wonderful stories of salvation.

Shortly after getting back, Eliza and I attended a women's conference being hosted at a church near us. It was focused on helping women be better wives and mothers, the weekend of learning came at such a great time. Eliza had been struggling with the newest addition of their little baby boy, so this conference came at exactly the right time! The Lord knew exactly what we needed, we came back each day feeling challenged and invigorated in working harder for our families.

A [Adalynn. L, Kyleigh. C & Valentina. T] B [Abbey. H, Adalynn. L, Valentina. T, & Macie. C]

I also just got back the pictures that we took at church that Harvestfest sunday, it was such a blessed sunday to have almost all of my extended family worshipping at my grandfather's church. Getting to see Kyleigh, Abbey, Valentina, Macie, and so many more took me back to when we were all young and seeing each other everyday for all these different things. It's so good having Abbey, her and her husband split their time between Sulani and Britechester, so we only really see each other when we're both in town for Harvestfest or when we somehow manage to get to the same occasion.

[Sabrina.C, Kristyn.C, Kyra.S, Brittany.D, & Maggie.W] [Tabitha.C & Tessa.P]

(3rd) It's so interesting to see the different friendship groups that have formed after most of the 3rd generation have gotten married and moved away. For how liberal Brittany and Maggie have become, they still maintain close relationships with their much more conservative cousins. After marriage, Kristyn's standards/convictions have definitely evolved. Whilst she's still very much in the skirts only camp, she's definitely moved away from the quiverfull and 'long hair only' camp as well as other more stringent beliefs that they were raised with. (The haircut was prompted by her toddler loving to grab handfuls of hair at a time). Sabrina, on the other hand, married into a family with beliefs similar to her parents, so she's stayed in almost the same mindframe. Kyra has never been heavy on the strict fundamentalism, her parents allowed her to wear pants and she chooses to do so from time to time when the circumstances call for it. Her parents also only had 5 children, so she was never in the quiverfull mindset anyway, and now that she's married she essentially living that small town conservative life.

(Adalynn's POV) It's so sweet that Tessa and Tabitha got to meet up in Newcrest this year, the twin sisters got married on the same day 3 years ago, had their first children at around the same time, and are pregnant with their 2nd (Tabitha) and 3rd (Tessa) children at the same time again! And since they're sisters, every year they go back to their parents house for Christmas, so they're together for a good chunk of the holidays.

[Madelynn.P, Valentina.T, Zoe. M, & Adalynn.L] [Amira.E, Adalynn.L, & Maggie.W]

(A) Harvestfest definitely felt like reliving my teenage/early young adult years, when the girls (Madelynn, Valentina, Zoe) and I were talking, we counted that we've got 19 children between us! 13 years ago we were young and anticipating future courtships and wondering what our future would be like, here we are living such fulfilling lives that honour the Lord!

(3rd) Whenever all the siblings get together, it's an especially great time for the younger kids to see their older siblings from their old buddy groups. For all their differences, Amira, Maggie, and Adalynn are quite close and have formed one of many sibling groups that exist. They all on different points of the fundamentalism spectrum but their love for each other surpasses all differences. Whilst Maggie doesn't agree with all their beliefs, she truly does love getting to see all of her family in one place .

[Casandra.C, Lea.C, Claire.P, Elaine.G - Gen 2]

(3rd) It's always nice for the older generation to have all their children and grandchildren around them, they've grown closer in the years that they've been married. They first met as young adults embracing courtships and marriage, Claire and Elaine have definitely enjoyed having Casandra and Lea (as well as all their sister-in-laws) in their extended family as they attend church with their forever expanding families.

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no--envies · 3 years

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It’s hard to tell how much WWX was actually affected by his demonic cultivation during his first life. He's still the same person as he was before practicing it and the differences in his temper could be easily attributed to circumstances. I think it's important for the themes of the novel, because MDZS is not a story about someone corrupted by his powers; the point of everything that happened isn't that WWX's cultivation method was harmful and he shouldn't practice it anymore. This is clearly not what the novel is trying to tell us.

Part of WWX’s character arc is about facing his limits and accepting that despite being incredibly talented and skilled, there are things beyond his control. The loss of control of his demonic cultivation is connected to that theme.

He was the one who couldn’t control such a weapon. He was the one who grew too confident in his own abilities. He was also the one who ignored all of the ominous indications that had happened up to now, with the belief that he could suppress any loss of control.

(Chapter 76)

WWX himself admits that he “ignored all the ominous indications” because he felt sure that he could suppress any loss of control. This doesn't necessarily mean there's something inherently harmful about demonic cultivation, but using it as much as WWX did, especially in stressful situations, is not a good idea since it's clearly affected by the state of mind of the person practicing it. The problem isn't that WWX was so arrogant that he thought nothing could go wrong, but that he didn't really have another choice. Instead of worrying, he chose to keep an optimistic mindset and put his trust in his own abilities, as he always does.

I don’t actually consider what happened at Qiongqi Path his fault, since JZXun really pushed him beyond what anyone could reasonably stand, but WWX's thoughts indicate the loss of control wasn't something that happened suddenly. There had been signs before. Other than being plausible, this is important for the themes of the novel: this is a moment where WWX is faced with his own limits. Despite being a prodigy, he's still a fallible human being. He can get tired, stressed out, make mistakes and fail.

Taking all this into account, the signs mentioned by LWJ when they met in Yunmeng were probably real and he hadn’t imagined them. I don’t think LWJ would have been so worried otherwise.

Lan WangJi, “Last time, during the hunt on Phoenix Mountain, have you noticed certain signs?”

Wei WuXian, “What signs?”

Lan WangJi, “The loss of control.”

Wei WuXian, “You mean me almost getting into a fight with Jin ZiXuan? I think you got something wrong. I want to fight with Jin ZiXuan whenever I see him.”

Lan WangJi, “And the things you said afterwards.”

Wei WuXian, “What things? I say so many things every day. I’ve long since forgotten about the things I said two months ago.”

[...]

Lan WangJi, “It is not too late yet. In the future, even if you regret…”

Without waiting for him to finish talking, Wei WuXian’s expression changed. He suddenly stood up, “Lan Zhan!”

Behind him, red light had begun to glow within the eyes of the girls. Wei WuXian, “Stop it.”

Thus, the girls lowered their heads and retreated, but still they stared unwaveringly at Lan WangJi. Wei WuXian turned to him, “What can I say? Even though I don’t think that I’ll regret it, I don’t like it when people take guesses at how I’m going to be in the future, either.”

After a while of silence, Lan WangJi replied, “I am the one who was out of line.”

(Chapter 71)

LWJ’s way of approaching the issue could have definitely been better and it was a source of misunderstandings between them, but he did have a point. I think it's telling that WWX got very defensive every time LWJ brought up the subject. Although part of it was understandable irritation for feeling always judged by LWJ, I think he himself had probably already noticed the signs, but since he couldn’t really do anything about it (it’s not like he could go back to cultivating with spiritual energy) he chose to ignore them and believe in his own ability to suppress any possible loss of control. Having LWJ constantly reminding him that something could go wrong - especially without offering any feasible solution - only irritated him more.

After WWX came back, LWJ stopped being so insistent about the potentially detrimental effects of demonic cultivation, because he understood that his own attitude during WWX’s first life hadn’t helped at all and had only caused the rift between them to become worse, to the point that before he died WWX believed even LWJ hated him like everyone else:

Wei WuXian spun around to dodge the attack and laughed, “Fine, fine. I knew since the start that we’d have to fight a real fight like this one sooner or later. You’ve always found me disagreeable no matter what. Come on!”

Hearing this, Lan WangJi’s movements paused, “Wei Ying!”

(Chapter 78)

After losing WWX, LWJ had a lot of time to reflect on his mistakes and come to terms with his regrets. We see the result of this in all of LWJ’s actions during WWX's second life. LWJ is done with being still and waiting: this time he’ll actually do everything in his power to support WWX and keep him safe. As long as WWX seems unaffected by demonic cultivation, LWJ will never bring it up again. LWJ probably realizes WWX must have his reasons to cultivate that path (we learn in chapter 89 that LWJ had his suspicions and thought WWX’s spiritual powers were somehow impaired), so this time he chooses to just trust WWX’s judgement. LWJ’s own character development also made him become a lot more tolerant in general and less rigid about some things, so he doesn't care about traditions as much as he did when he was younger.

In conclusion, WWX's loss of control might have been due to inherent effects of his cultivation method, but it’s not meant to portray demonic cultivation as something that should be avoided no matter what: it's part of larger themes like facing one's limits and coming to terms with one's failures. I think it's highly unlikely that WWX will lose control again in the future: we see him using his powers with more moderation in his second life and, more importantly, his current state of mind is a lot better than when he was in the middle of very stressful situations. As much as WWX is mentally strong, he spent years isolated from the world, with a group of people under his protection and without knowing when someone would decide to attack him. Having to shoulder all of this alone would put a toll on anyone, so it's no wonder he lost control in the end. Now he has LWJ by his side, so he doesn't need to do everything by himself anymore.

#mdzs #mdzs meta #wei wuxian #lan wangji #wei ying #lan zhan #demonic cultivation

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descendantofthesparrow · 3 years

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Before Rewrite - Hades

*Spoilers for D3 rewrite~!!!! takes place from when Hades gets to the isle to the scene where Mal takes the ember from Hades!*

Hades cursed the rulers of Auradon every hour of every day for putting him on this wretched isle of filth and trash. He was a god! The god of the undead, the underworld! He was a crucial player in the mortal's circle of life; without him, there would be no place for souls to go, Thanatos would harvest them but with no one to claim them; they would wander around the lands forever.

He could already sense the disturbed souls, miserably watching their families walk by, or through them. All alone with no one to turn to and nowhere to go.

He had only been here for two weeks and he was already sick of it; he may have never liked it but his job was important and he needed to get back to work

Two weeks and four days…that's all it took for the gods to replace him. He didn’t know who it was but they seemed to know what they were doing, claiming souls so fast Hades could hardly sense when one had left the mortal world to live in the underworld.

Hades perked up at the sound of crying

Oh, Hadie.

He turned on his heel and speed over to the makeshift crib of his son, rubbing the top of his fuzzy blue hair and picking him up; gently rocking him as Hadie continued to cry, Hades didn’t know from what but he would try to find out.

Like the little god he was, Hadie unexpectedly thrived on the barren isle of the lost; with what little food he got and with little sun, Hadie grew quickly and strong. At four years old he was already growing into his namesake; though Hades couldn’t ever resist being a dad over his little gap tooth in the middle of his teeth.

Hades just wished Persephone could see Hadie grow, and Hades wished he could see his little flower, Melinoe, grow into the headstrong warrior she was meant to be.

Whaaaaaaaat the fuck did he do….what in the actual fuck did he DO?!

He had stupidly gotten black out drunk at Gaston’s bar and somehow ended up with Maleficent! Of all people on the isle?! No-not out of all people, just with someone in general!?

He had prided himself in being the most loyal husband of his brothers, Zeus who had slept with a woman every time Hera blinked, and Poseidon; who wasn’t any better.

Hades had always been loyal and true to his wife…well there were those two times BUT compared to his brothers; he was loyal.

AND NOW HE HAD TO GO AND FUCK UP THAT STREAK; over 1000 years, 1000 years! And some bad whiskey had to ruin it.

He left that bed without a word, rushing home to his 4-year-old son who luckily hadn’t woken up yet from his sleep; and Hades swore if nothing came from that mistake, Hadie would never know about it.

Welp…that was something that came from the mistake. 11 months after the incident with Maleficent-

-There, right in front of his gates to his underground lair; was a little baby girl, halfheartedly swaddled in a green blanket and set at his gate, a little note taped to the front.

‘your problem now -M’

Hades leaned out of the gates, looking around for any goblins or any sign of the mistress of evil herself. But there was nothing. Hades sighed and crouched down, gently picking up the baby girl and holding him to his chest, her cries quieting as her cheek pressed against the fabric of his shirt.

She opened her eyes, vivid green with sparks of gold and yellow. She laughed, reaching up to his hair with a gummy smile. Hades sighed again and turned on his heel, closing the gate with his foot.

At least he got another chance at raising his daughter, and he would do his best to do as he would’ve with Melinoe.

Hadie had asked a billion questions when Hades placed the new baby in Hades old crib, leaning over and peering down at his little sister. Hades had explained it the best way he knew how to a child; but Hadie miraculously understood, didn’t blame him. All he did was reach down towards his sister and grin as the baby took his finger.

“I like her! Are we keeping her?” Hadie had asked, his gap tooth making his little grin seem even bigger.

“she's not a dog Hadie, but yes that’s the plan. I don’t think her mother’s coming back.” Hades rubbed Hadie’s fluffy blue hair and then reached out to rub his daughter's bluish-purple hair gently, her two-month-old hair curling around his fingers.

“What's her name?” Hadie continued to babble off questions, his yellow eyes staring directly into his sister's emerald eyes.

Hades thought for a moment, pursing his lips as he looked at the note and turned it over. Nothing other than Maleficent's writing and initial. Either the fae hadn’t given the baby a name or didn’t care enough to tell him.

“Morana“ the pagan Slavic goddess of winter and death; he had met or once or twice, not enough to know her but the name matched the baby girl before him well enough. (in this world, gods of all religions/beliefs exist in the same universe, they usually keep to themselves and rarely interact.)

Hadie repeated the name, pulling his finger around with Morana still holding onto him. “I like it!”

Three months later, Maleficent returned and took Morana from him; not even letting him give her a damn thing to remember him by. “I need an heir, that evil queens been bragging about her little rat and I won't let her get the upper hand with it” Hadie watched from behind Hades legs as the fae walked away with his little sister, her blue-purple hair stark against the black of Maleficent's sleeves.

Morana cried the entire time, reaching out for her father with tears streaming from her sparking yellow-green eyes, her face red with the flurry of confusing emotions she was feeling.

Hades took a step forward, going to take his daughter back but was stopped by Maleficent's goons, all glaring at him.

He was outmatched.

He stepped back, glaring at Maleficent's back as she took back their daughter she had abandoned so heartlessly three months ago.

Mal. That was her name now. He had heard many talk about the newly revealed daughter of evil; the daughter of Maleficent. Mal.

Hades clicked his jaw at the thought of her name, Maleficent had been shellfish and named her own daughter right after her; Hades would bet his stash of chocolate that Mal’s full name was just Maleficent.

At least Hades had been original.

Throughout the next couple of years, as Mora-Mal. Grew up, Hades kept out an eye on her; just out of sight from her and just barely stepping in if any of the older people of the isle, who had…less than ideal moral compasses, got any ideas about his daughter.

A few times he tried to go up to her, but each time she saw him she either ran away in fear, or stared him down with no spark of familiar want or recognition.

So he kept away, respecting her non-verbal wishes and leaving Mal to herself.

It didn’t stop him from trying to keep her safe. He left her food on the nights Maleficent or her goons forgot, never charged her when she came into his restaurant, was never harsh with her. Some of the other villains got curious at his gentleness with Mal but quickly shut up with a spark of red in his eyes. He might’ve lost his magic but he was still a god.

Hades watched from the shadows as Mal and her three ‘friends’ climbed into the limo, the son of Hook and son of Gaston climbing in alongside them. Mal looked up at Maleficent, who did an odd gesture and Mal nodded, sliding in and closing the limo door behind her.

He followed the limo all the way to the bridge, watching his daughter leave the isle for the first time and go to Auradon. If she didn’t end up burning it down; he hoped she would have a good life away from her mother.

Over three years later, his son was chosen to go the Auradon by his sister, and Hades watched melancholy as Hadie packed his things; fiddling with the dull ember between his fingers. Hadie hefted his bag over his shoulder and grabbed his duffle bag, nodding at his dad; who stood and walked over to his son “stay safe” Hades muttered, pulling Hadie in for a side hug, his hand resting on the back of Hadie’s head. “say hi to your mother and sister for me?” Hadie nodded against him, using his free arm to squeeze Hades back, and turned on his heel, walking out of the mines.

Only an hour later Hades stood at the bridge plaza, ember in hand; pointing it at his daughter, who cried out in pain against the embers draining powers. He pulled back as much as he could, he needed to get out; he just couldn't do it anymore, the isle was hell and he needed to leave.

Mal screamed in pain again and Hades faltered, remembering her cries for him when Maleficent took her oh so long ago. But the girl besides Hook took his falter and rushed at him, slamming him back behind the barrier and walking back through it a moment later.

Hades growled to himself, he had failed his attempted escape and hurt his kid. He stood and walked away from the plaza, planning to stay in his lair for the rest of the week in shame.

It was just the next day when he saw his kids again, Hadie and Celia standing in front of him; giving the excuse of a forgotten bass and some delivered goods. But Mal wasn’t as quiet as she should've been, he grabbed her hand just as she grabbed the ember and pulled it from her grip, staring her down behind his sunglasses.

She meekly asked for the ember multiple times, and on the third time, he raised his brow, holding up the ember in the air as he looked down at his daughter “You’re only half Hades, the ember won't do everything for you that it does for me” Mal huffed and gestured to Hadie.

“Hadie’s gonna be the one to use it anyway, I just wanted-to…” Mal looked up at him wide-eyed and shocked, and Hades had a startling realization that Mal might have not known about him at all.

After a few minutes of Mal screeching about her mother’s lies and her not being able to understand how ‘she’ happened, she demanded the ember once more “if you wanna make up for being a lousy dad” ouch that stung, he didn’t mean to be one; he just was forced into that position “gimme the ember”

Hades gave Mal the ember and watched her walk out, sighing sadly as he realized he could’ve been there for Mal a long time ago if not for his stupid assumption. He warned her about the ember getting wet and she just pushed past him, Hadie sharing one last glance with him before following after her.

Hades sighed, collapsing back in his minecart turned chair and leaning his head back. So much for respecting her wishes as a child, she hadn’t even known he existed as her dad.

-end-

people who i want to read this cuz ahhhh ya know?

@disneyfan50

permtaglist!

@queer-cosette @sephiralorange @lunanight2012

@daughter-of-the-stars11 @musicarose @random-thoughts-003

@remembered-license @imtryingthisout @rintheemolion

@thecaptainsgingersnap @jatp-rules-my-life @verboetoperee

@saryguerrero

#disney descendants #d3 rewrite #hades descendants #POYW #rewrite part of your world #Descendents #mal daughter of maleficent

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wrctings · 3 years

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Jean Kirschtein x reader | Friends, or is it more?

the more i watch aot, the more i love jean... his moments of self-doubt and his moved smile truly are heart-wrenching 🥺

fandom: Attack on Titan pairing: Jean Kirschtein x reader summary: Where you realise that you’re falling for your best friend, whose heart is already taken—or so you thought. Fortunately, what becomes a saddening party can also turn into an unexpected occasion to make things right. word count: 3.3k

Sometimes, belonging to the Scouts regiment came with something that, from up close, resembled a flicker of momentary joy. You had, of course, been aware of the harrowing shadow of a reputation that trudged behind the wings of liberty: danger, death and despair; the three Ds accompanying your pledge to humanity drummed their deafening beat alongside your horse's frenzied gallop whenever you took place in the formation that led you outside the walls, the wind hurling through your hair and your senses at the height of their tension, ready to signal the approach of a titan at any given minute, bracing your body for every possible threat. You had faith in commander Erwin, had faith in your comrades—if giving your life was necessary for your cause, then, you had silently promised yourself and your people, you would give it with eyes wide open and undefeated fierceness, be it in the heat of battle or any other way. The wings embroidered upon your cape represented your beliefs more intensely than any word—as long as there was a Scout left, hope would live still; blossom upon the tall grass that freely grew upon the tombs of your fallen comrades. Even the smallest victory made you believe that a change could be made—and even the smallest victory was celebrated in the battalion as a sign that bode well for the foreseeable future. It was such celebrations, though as small as the victories they marked, that made room for moments of joy the regiment could barely encounter at other times. And when those moments came, life suddenly appeared coated with a hundred colours, full of humorous idiocies and heedless amusement that stirred up in you all the youthful glee of not caring about a thing in the world but the people around you and the drink in your hand.

"You guys won't believe the position we found Bertholdt in this morning!"

Seated beside Armin, who himself flanked Eren as Mikasa had naturally settled on the other side of their childhood friend, you leaned further on the wooden table of the barrack in order to hear your brunet friend more distinctly, his excited voice reviving the conversation at once. Drawn by a cheerful and carefree sort of curiosity, which was well fueled by the general bright mood, finding out about Bertholdt's daily sleeping position suddenly appeared like the most fascinating event one could discuss, especially when followed by the boys' weather previsions based on their comrade's often strange and tangled up poses. You exchanged an amused look with Mikasa, and though your friend's features remained almost as impassive as usual, the vivid twinkle you caught through the dark shine of her eyes mirrored your cheery behaviour; Armin's face, on the other hand, wore an expressive smile, the blond boy remembering vividly the description of Bertholdt that Eren began recounting.

But even as you laughed at the image of Bertholdt's knees somehow managing to stay bent as he slept on his stomach, the upper part of his legs outstretched toward the sky in an unusual—to say the least—position, your gaze went on sweeping the room, in search of the one person you couldn't wait to chat with again, though you also got along really well with Armin, Mikasa and Eren. The only problem was, said person was not that fond of the self-righteous brunet ball of energy sat at your table, so you were not surprised to find him in Conny and Sasha's company instead, talking animatedly. You had already had the opportunity to chat with Jean earlier that evening, the two of you having grown so close to each other that it would've been impossible for you not to cross paths tonight, but you wondered whether you would drift toward each other again before the makeshift party came to an end; Captain Levi had been surprisingly unbothered by your shy request to celebrate today's mission's success, accepting it on the sole condition that only soft drinks were to be consumed—Armin suspected that Commander Erwin was responsible for granting the new recruits' wishes, as they had after all already endured quite a lot during the expedition to retrieve Eren from Annie.

"We better watch out for that sleeping position of Bertholdt's, maybe it means good luck," Armin observed lightheartedly, taking a sip from his drink.

"You should keep a notebook with all of them, and maybe you'll crack the code someday," you added with a chuckle, the three of you glancing at Bertholdt.

Having your 104th comrades with you in the Scouts regiment really did bring you a lot of comfort to help you navigate these new uncharted waters, though it also made it acutely unbearable to imagine that some of them might not make it back next time; Marco served as your first and most painful lesson that even those dearest to you were never safe. It was after the freckled boy's death that you and Jean had truly bonded, brought together by the devastating loss of your kindhearted friend. You had become each other's rocks since then—checking up on each other after training sessions and expeditions, playful teasing and calling each other all sorts of funny nicknames rooted into the core of your friendship, giving it all its strength. And it was when you had been injured during the 57th expedition and Jean had almost hysterically ran up to you afterwards, cursing with no restraint and holding your arm so tightly it hurt when he helped you limp toward the medical wing, that you had been hit for the first time, though still shaken from slaying a titan and the bloody cut burning your leg, by how grateful you were to have made it out alive, to have Jean by your side. It was then that you had realised that there was no one else you would rather be with than him—it was something more than anything you've ever felt before, as your timidly pounding heart had been reminding you ever since.

But another thing unavoidable when being friends with Jean, of course, was the bickering between your comrade and Eren—and this evening was no different from any other week. A few minutes later, as you engaged in a pleasant conversation with Armin, your attention was drawn by the thunderous eruption of voices that suddenly shook the walls of the barrack, making many pairs of surprised eyes turn toward the belligerent protagonists of the argument. It just had to be Eren and Jean, hadn't it? Like the rest of your comrades, you couldn't possibly guess where the spark that ignited this new inferno came from, but with these two, a valid reason often wasn't needed; to the greatest despair of the 104th, both boys possessed magic powers to summon reasons to fight out of thin air. At the present moment, both Eren and Jean were actively yelling at each other, shooting names and accusations back and forth.

However, the lack of rational incidents to cause such a scene didn't mean that there was no deeper reason for Jean's outbursts, just like Eren's counter-attacks originated from his legendary stubbornness already well-known to his fellow comrades. You had been suspecting for a long time that Jean mainly proclaimed his hatred towards Eren because of Mikasa. Before the 57th expedition, when both of you were in a playful and mischievous mood, you would even friendlily tease Jean about his soft spot for the dark haired young woman, which he hadn't hidden very well ever since Mikasa and he met for the first time. It was quite unfortunately, really, that your heart had finally chosen Jean, of all people, to fall for—as if you weren't well aware of how much he admired and liked Mikasa! And this mascarade surely had to have been orchestrated to get her attention, just like many other failed schemes of Jean's, as Mikasa barely seemed interested in anyone but Eren, Armin, sometimes Sasha, and you.

"There he goes again..." You muttered downheartedly, sparing a glance at your best friend.

"It's Eren and Jean, after all..." Armin responded with a sorry smile, squirming on the bench to get further away from Eren, who was now up on his feet and facing Jean with balled up fists. Mikasa watched the two boys through squinted eyes, at the ready to jump and knock over Jean if needed—at least, your friend's plan to get her attention had succeeded.

"I know how this is going to end," you told Armin under your breath, averting your gaze from the fighters. "You know what, I think it's right about time for me to head off. I don't want to witness Captain Levi tearing their heads off for wrecking havoc in here."

"Really? Don't you want to stay a little longer? I'm sure it won't come to this!"

"I don't even want to know. Goodnight, Armin, thank you for the nice chat," you excused yourself, fleeing from the barrack swift as a cat, only the passage of a furtive ray of light on the floor signifying that the door to the room had been opened as quickly as it was closed.

You knew better than to cling onto something you could not reach, so why endure the spectacle of such a foolish play?

Outside, nighttime had descended upon the camp with its soothing quietness. Nothing in sight but the warm flutter of torches fixed upon the barracks; nothing ringing in your ears but the chirping melody of a cricket's song, its echo delicately carried away by the evening wind. No ecstatic shouting, no blaring laughter. Nothing but a lone constellation half-veiled by the grey trail of clouds that unhurriedly floated upon the dark depths of the sky. No Jean, no Eren. You took a lungful of fresh air before a long sigh lifted off your chest—if only things could go back to the way they had been. Back when Jean was nothing but a fun and (sweetly) annoying horse-faced boy to be around, and no cause for heartache.

You took some more steps ahead, the muffled sounds you could still hear from inside dying out as you walked further away. Although you had told Armin that your time to go had come, you didn't feel like getting back to bed right now; actually, you didn't feel like anything but escaping for a little while.

At last, you decided to retrace your steps, taking a seat on the ground beside the barrack you had abandoned, your back pressed against its wooden surface. On the other side, the cacophony hadn't ceased, only muffled by the wall that separated you from the inside mayhem. Had Jean and Eren opted for a fistfight denouement by now? Would Mikasa intervene?

But before you had enough time to explore the many scenarios your imagination could sketch out, the door beside which you had settled opened abruptly, a wide stream of light flooding the ground at once. In the blink of an eye, a visibly disconcerted figure appeared on the threshold, freezing as they took a look around before rapidly bifurcating to the side in order to follow one of the torchlit paths...

"Jean?"

"Y/n?! What are you doing here?" Jean rushed toward you as soon as he noticed your silhouette from behind the shadows, discovering your hiding-place. "I didn't even see you leave..."

"I'm sorry, I was starting to feel tired." Touched by the fact that Jean had left the room to look for you, you attempted to give him a plausible excuse.

"C'mon, you can get through a day of training, but you can't get through one of the only party nights we're lucky enough to have?" Jean taunted, taking a seat next to you. "What's the matter?" he gently elbowed you, throwing his neck back so he could press his head against the wall behind. "Just when I was about to defeat Eren..."

"Defeat Eren, really? Statistically, it's more likely for Captain Levi to smile than for us to see that happen," you laughed tiredly, trying not to think about how Jean would probably soon get back to Mikasa and the others.

"Yeah, yeah, tease me all you want, it'll happen. Someday this idiot will get his ass handed to him."

Closing your eyes, you only had it in you to maintain the forced smile painted over your lips while fighting back the rush of stinging tears that suddenly overwhelmed you. Why did Jean had to come and check up on you now of all times, right when you were more than ever convinced that you were starting to fall for him, and it couldn't be clearer that his every move longed for someone else?

"You know, I was going to get him, but Mikasa can get scary..." It was as if he could decipher the riddles of your mind, unaware of the way your heart convulsed. "I wouldn't want to cross her. Why would she hang out with this idi—"

"Look, Jean, if you've come here to rant about this, then you can leave," you ended up snapping, biting back more acre words . "I'm tired, okay? Just get back to the fun inside."

"You... You don't feel like talking?" Jean's voice softened from incomprehension, trying to read your tone. "I'm sorry, I didn't know it was that bad. Hey, you really don't want to talk?"

You shook your head in response, scolding your own self for such pathetic behaviour. Jean couldn't possibly know about your suppressed feelings, so your attitude must indeed appear more than confusing, especially since you were so used to confiding in each other and cheering each other up, for the past weeks more than ever. In the wake of Icarus's ascend towards the sun, untethered and naive, your wings of wax were melting... But who could've predicted, as much as a month earlier, that the loveable idiot by your side would doom you to downfall?

"Okay... Well...," the young man ran a distracted hand through his hair, frowning as his jaw clenched. "Then I'll talk. You know, I had an idea for tonight," he began after collecting his thoughts, breaking through the hesitant seconds that had temporarily numbed his tongue. "It was our first successful expedition after that near-death experience after all, so I thought I'd better make the most of it and make tonight's celebration useful. Who knows when we'll get another one. Maybe you're right and it's actually more likely to see Captain Levi smile than to get another one of these again soon." Jean's speech ran freely now, his torrent of sentences—for the moment still not making clear sense as to where they were headed to—submerging you in the familiar flow of his voice. As of late, your greatest fear had become to miss its distress call in the ranging mist of a battle, to watch Jean's body be torn to shreds as you could only scream until everything else vanished... "So I thought I'd be brave, for once." He took a deep breath in, fingers nervously wrapped around the back of his own neck. "There's this person I like."

There it was. Somehow, you knew that it would be coming—after the stunt he pulled earlier with Eren...

"They're much braver than I am, but they probably know that already," Jean went on, chuckling self-depreciatingly—he knew he could poke at himself in your company without being ashamed of disclosing his flaws. "They wouldn't hesitate to come and rescue me, even if I were grabbed by a titan. And they're really beautiful, too—"

"Look, Jean, if you've come to talk about Mikasa, just save it," you could only murmur. "Pl—"

"And, quite surprisingly, they're also a dumbass!" Jean didn't let you finish either, shifting his head so he could see your face better. "But that's something both of us have in common." Taken aback by such a strange confession, you opened your eyes to take an intrigued look at Jean while hoping that he wouldn't notice the tears you had at last blinked away. You met his gaze head-on, even among the shadows that coiled over his face. "Because they think that I still have a thing for a girl I liked for two weeks, while I've been talking about them all along."

"What—"

"You know, you're the one who makes being called "horse-face" the funniest," Jean cracked an unsure smile at you, fiddling with his hands. "Alright, it's the bravest I'll ever be, so time to crawl in a hole and die now," he immediately added more anxiously, looking like the unexpected nature of his confession had stricken him for the first time.

"Wait, Jean, no!" It was as if, for the first time in a span of unending minutes, you could breathe again. "Wait, is this... Is this for real?" You asked in what came out almost a whisper, fearing, in this instant where your hopes balanced on the edge of a precipice of churning doubt and elation, that this was a joke you would not be able to forgive. Jean was better than this, but what if?—the thought drilled into your heart.

"Well... Yes. I'm sorry if I've made things awkward, it's Armin who told you might like me too and—"

"Hey, hey," your hand found its way to Jean's arm in a comforting touch, preventing him from leaving as he made a move to flee after blurting out an apology. Judging by your frantic heartbeat, there was no way you could be the calmer person in this situation—and yet, Jean somehow managed to look even more distressed than you at the moment. "I do like you." It was your turn to get embarrassed, which your flushed cheeks openly betrayed, illuminated by the nearby torch's flitting flame. "But Mikasa...?"

"Y/n, I haven't liked Mikasa for longer than a few weeks. I mean, yes, she's beautiful and strong, but so are you. And you're so much more than that. You're so fun to be around, I haven't laughed so hard with anyone but you. Unlike me, you're not scared to be brave and kind, but with you, I don't need to think which face I need to put on, because I know we don't have to pretend to be someone we're not when we're around each other. And when you got injured... I couldn't stand the thought of losing you. I made myself a promise then that I would tell you, and tonight seemed like the right time. I've been talking to Armin after the expedition and I think he kind of guessed that I liked you, and that you liked me too—I don't even know how or why, but he told me he thought you did. That's not exactly how I thought it'd go but... Trying to get your attention by getting in a fight with Eren wasn't that good of a plan, I guess."

"So that's what it was...! You really are an idiot, Jean Kirschtein," you declared vivaciously, but the moved smile that brightened your face spoke louder than the fond insults Jean and you would fire at each other. "We need to watch out for Armin, he will uncover everyone's secrets, at this rate..." You joked before regaining a more serious attitude, your emotions truly swayed by your friend's avowal. "The expedition changed everything for me too. I realised that I didn't want to go without you. No, I realised that I didn't want to go at all—I wanted to stay. With you."

"Pff, get in line," Jean grinned in spite of the emotional look on his face, sighing in relief. "I've been liking you for months."

"Seriously?"

"Absolutely. Do you think I go out of my way to check up on everyone after a battle or that everyone's mom gets the privilege of being the centre of my skilfully crafted jokes?"

"Shut up," you laughed wholeheartedly, your shoulder against Jean's. "Your mom's a hoe."

"Very clever," he teased you in return, face glowing from a joy even more vivd than the fiery sparks that chased the night's spectres away. “I bang yours every night.”

You burst out laughing, rolling your eyes—mom jokes were a must in your goofy friendship. A friendship that, with a bit of unpredicted luck, was on the verge of becoming something more.

#jean kirschtien #jean kirschtein x reader #jean kirschtein imagines #attack on titan fanfiction #attack on titan x reader #snk x reader #snk imagines #writing #snk fanficition

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dirt-cup-draco · 3 years

Text

Cedric Diggory x Reader- Due Time

Hello! Is it okay if I request something with Cedric with a Hufflepuff!Reader (or any house of your choice ) where cedric really likes the reader and leaves notes/love letters for her anonymously and reader is just really skeptical about it and weeks after that he wants to meet up and just fluff? Idk work your magic, do what's more necessary, I love you!

“That’s the third one in two weeks, isn’t it?” Hannah giggled, leaning over your shoulder as Susan peaked at the letter for just a moment before returning to her laid-back position in the arm chair she had claimed was hers on this rainy Sunday afternoon.

“Mhmm,” You confirmed, eyebrows drawn to the center of your forehead as you wondered who could possibly be sending these over-the-top declarations of adoration. It wasn’t so much the contents that were over-the-top, but the fact that the letters hadn’t stopped coming since October and you were edging your way into April. The writing was unfamiliar to you even though you’d been sneaking glances at as many people’s essays and notes- anything that would give you a hint, really- as you could.

The first letter had come to you on one of the worst days of your life. You felt at the time that it had been a friend anonymously sending you something just to cheer you up. The contents had been kind, generous even, but friendly and you hadn’t seen it is a love letter.

Y/N, it had read, the sun has gone missing with the summer months but I don’t miss it much when I see you smile. Take care.

It had been more of a note than a letter but it had still been folded neatly and left in an envelope. Somehow it had found it’s way into your bag and it was part of the reason you had assumed that either Hannah or Susan had left it. Even Hermione had been a thought. You were older than the Gryffindor but you two often studied together and she always seemed to know how to cheer you up when you entered the library looking more like a dark cloud than a person.

However, you had inquired with every friend, hoping you could find them and thank them somehow, but everyone had denied it- even going as far as to show you their handwriting when you felt at a loss for finding your anonymous bit of belief. After that, the note had morphed into letters and the words read more like a love-sick poet than a friend offering support on your hardest days.

“Why’ve you always got to frown Y/N?” Hannah pouted, bottom lip wobbling. “It’s just so lovely and you look like someone has sent you a ransom letter instead. They haven’t got anyone hostage, they just think you’re cute,”

“No, they think she’s ‘brighter than a summer sun and more beautiful than spring’s first bloomed rose’” Susan giggled from her seat, shooting you a wink as the apple of your cheeks grew warm.

“I’m not frowning,” You scowled at Hannah, disproving your point immediately, “I would just like to meet them. Their letters are very kind but it’s been months now and I’ve begun to wonder if they will actually ever speak to me,”

Hannah couldn’t seem to argue with this so you folded up the most current letter and shoved it into your bag as the bell tolled and reminded you that you needed to run halfway across the castle to make it to your next class. With a goodbye thrown over your shoulder, you vanished out of the room.

Cedric hadn’t been eavesdropping, he’d just been conveniently in the common room with you as you opened the letter that he had enchanted to float into your bag as you focused on McGonagall in transfiguration. He made the letter float laps around the classroom, out of the professors sharp and watchful eye, to make sure that no one could say where the letter originated from if Y/N inquired about it.

He couldn’t help but smile as he watched your cheeks go rosy with Susan’s painfully accurate quote from his letter and he felt a bit embarrassed himself but he couldn’t regret it. He meant every word and you ought to be told as often as possible how truly radiant and wonderful you were.

What made him pause, as you left the common room, was that you wanted to meet the author of these letters. You were right of course, he knew he could only send so many letters until you began to grow bored or even annoyed with the lengthy display of literary affection. Words of affirmation was how Cedric Diggory showed love and nothing could stop him from showing he cared for you.

You knew each other, quite well actually, and so he wasn’t a complete coward he told himself. You two had conversations when the fancy struck and when he could get his tongue untied. Sometimes you’d find him half asleep in the common room and you’d shake him awake requesting he go to his bedroom for the night out of care but he would linger and ask about your day and the two of you would chat until far later than either of you had intended.

Other times he would find you, head bent over a textbook as you sat beneath your favorite tree near the edge of the black lake. He teased one of these days the squid would come and grab your textbook from you but you’d just roll your eyes at him and pat the grass beside you, knowing he had a free period when you did.

It was in the interactions he had grown to love every bit of you and he only wanted to learn more every time he got to be in your presence.

Cedric swallowed the lump in his throat as he heard Hannah and Susan giggle, wondering who this mystery admirer could be. “He ought to hurry up and speak to her already, Y/N seems half ready to strangle whoever has been sending her those letters,”

He knew that wasn’t true, Y/N wouldn’t hurt a fly. Yet, they were correct in that he needed to borrow a bit of gryffindor courage and come clean. A sudden thought struck fear deep into his stomach. What if someone else saw Y/N in the same golden light? Would they tell her that they had been the ones to write the words that came from his heart and his heart alone? That had decided it for him. He would tell Y/N that night.

“Y/N?” you heard from your left, head buried in your arms as you rested on top of one of the tables in your common room. You hadn’t been asleep or studying, just thinking. Thinking of papers due, love letters, and the weather. Thinking of the rotation of the earth and how you weren’t really sure what made an animagus and what made a werewolf even though you were certain it was simple and you should have learned it long ago. Thinking of everything and nothing.

“Oh, yes, sorry Ced,” You mumbled, bleary eyes focusing on the boy who had taken a seat beside you. You let yourself take a moment to fall into the depth of his eyes. He had such caring eyes. Yes, the popular hufflepuff was quite the looker but he was far more than that and you had had the pleasure of speaking with him some during the school year. You considered him a friend and you hoped he did too, seeing as he had been the one to approach you.

“Everything okay?” You asked, stifling a yawn and looking around you to see that your fellow housemates had left the common room while you had been lost in all of your thoughts and non-thoughts.

“Yeah!” He replied a bit too cheery, voice pitching towards the end. Cedric winced and your eyebrows crinkled in that familiar way that made him want to smooth the lines away and ask what was worrying you. His stomach flipped comfortably and he let out an easier breath.

“Yeah,” He tried again, more relaxed. “Just wanted to talk to you ‘bout something, actually,”

“Oh?” You perked up, sleep falling from your eyes as you became more alert. Worry settled in your gut. Was Cedric certain everything was okay? You couldn’t bear thinking anything was wrong but you were honored that if something was wrong he wanted to come speak with you.

“Yes, I have something for you,” The boy tried to keep his tone even but he couldn’t but feel some excitement swirl in his gut. He knew it was the right thing to tell you now and this seemed a good way to do it. Tugging a crisp envelope from his pocket he handed it to you and watched confusion paint over your worried expression.

“Open it,” He encouraged.

“But it looks like-” You caught yourself, staring down at the familiar envelope. Surely Cedric couldn’t be the one sending you such attentive letters? You didn’t interact as often as once a day even if you would like to. You told yourself you were being silly and hopeful, your friend just had something to show you and you were letting the letters get in the way of that.

To cover up your hesitation you opened the envelope eagerly, unfolding the paper to find a familiar scrawl. Your heart flipped and your stomach flew.

Hogsmeade this weekend?

The option to check a box labelled yes sat beside another identical box labelled no and you stared with wide and startled eyes at Cedric.

“You mean you were the one?” You croaked, eyes growing glossy. Putting a face to the letters made them mean exponentially more. Such kind eyes, such a kind heart.

“Y-yeah,” Cedric breathed out, hand skating nervously against the back of his neck. “Just wanted to cheer you up one day when you looked down but then we started talking more and I just needed you to know how brilliant you are otherwise I’d explode but I was too nervous to tell you and well... I just kept writing and didn’t stop.”

“Oh Ced,” You gasped, realization dawning on you. “You heard me in the common room earlier? I never meant to pressure you-”

“No, no, Y/N,” He chuckled, his hand reaching for your arm before bashfulness overtook him and he pulled away. “It was time I said something, but....”

He trailed off meaningfully, eyes downcast and you followed his gaze to the unchecked boxes.

“Oh!” you giggled, that familiar red crawling up your neck to the tips of your ears. Grabbing your quill you checked a box, drying the ink with a spell before folding the parchment and putting it back inside the envelope. Standing, you handed Cedric the letter and brushed a daring kiss to his cheek before you ran upstairs leaving him absolutely giddy and more than confused.

After shaking himself from his reverie, he tore at the envelope and noticed a neat X trapped within the confines of the box titled Yes.

Cedric couldn’t fight the grin that spread from ear to ear and you were upstairs battling the same problem of a too-wide smile. It was long overdue he said something and you were more than happy he had.

You both fell asleep as the sun started to lighten the world outside your drawn curtains. It would come back to bite the both of you once classes started but neither of you could get your upcoming Hogsmeade date out of mind. When you caught his eye during breakfast you knew that your sleepless night had been well worth it.

#credric x reader #cedric diggory x reader #fluff #request #all of you anons are lovely and I appreciate your patience #and my non-anons #you are all brilliant #Cedric x hufflepuff!reader

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in-my-feels-probably · 3 years

Text

INEFFABLE - Kaz Brekker

Chapter Five

If you would like to read this on Wattpad, it’s on there as well, my @ is in_my_feels_probably and there’s a few visuals and better descriptions and stuff on there. otherwise, enjoy, let me know what you think, and you can check out my masterlist for updates and more. don’t forget to read the prologue, it’s important to the story!

INEFFABLE – Kaz Brekker

ineffable (adj.) too great to be expressed in words, utterly indescribable; too sacred to speak of.

Chapter Five

Early that morning, the Crows were on their way through Novokribirsk, West Ravka, in a carriage. Elham had the unfortunate pleasure of being squeezed in between Jesper and the Conductor.

Kaz peered at the Conductor. “I didn’t hire you simply to get us across the Fold. You’re with us because you smuggle Grisha out of the Little Palace, and that’s the location of our target.”

Elham felt a pang of guilt in her heart. She kept telling herself that she would tell Kaz about her abilities one day, that she would tell all of the Crows, but she didn’t want to scare them away, or have them feel betrayed. She wasn’t entirely sure of how to control her abilities herself, and she already hated her powers enough. At the Little Palace, she was frequently talked about. General Kirigan often referred to her as an anomaly, but she felt more like a freak. And people talked. When the time was right, she would fess up. But until then, it was her little secret.

Elham sat up straighter, leaning closer to Jesper and further from the Conductor. Jesper noticed her discomfort, scooting closer to the carriage wall to give her room to move over. Something about him unsettled her, and she knew Kaz didn’t trust him, which furthered her discomfort. Kaz was grumbling about the Sun Summoner, or alleged one, and Inej was content to hold strong in her beliefs, that this was the Saint she was waiting for. Kaz changed the subject.

“You said you have a contact who can get us inside. A Heartrender.”

The Conductor nodded.

“How do I know we can trust her?”

“Nina grew up there.”

Elham sucked in a breath. One of her closest friends in the Little Palace had been a Heartrender named Nina. Elham had fled long before Nina had chosen to leave the Little Palace, and she had missed her very much. She was one of the only people in the entirety of Ravka who made her feel normal, wanted.

Elham tried to stifle her surprise at the name, but Kaz glanced in her direction anyways, raising a brow. “Most Grisha grew up in the Little Palace. Very few would betray their general, and fewer still would help foreigners kidnap their most prized possession.”

The Conductor smiled. “Nina’s a radical. Thinks Grisha should get to choose if they serve the Crown. She despises involuntary service more than she does Fjerdans.”

Elham longed to see Nina, but she was secretly crossing her fingers, hoping she wouldn’t find her in front of Kaz. Only Saints know how’d he react finding out his longest known friend was hiding the fact that she was secretly Grisha. As they approached the inn, Elham crossed her fingers a little tighter.

---

Once in the room that Nina should have been occupying, Elham felt both a sense of relief, and dread. If she wasn’t here, then where was she? The Crows walked around the room, looking for any sign of Nina.

The Conductor looked around, confused. “She knew to expect us.”

“She isn’t late, she’s gone.”

“Yes, but her things are all…” The Conductor lifted the bed sheet, moving the trunk off the bed, to reveal a small medal wolf's head lying in the sheets. He sighed, sounding distressed.

“Drüskelle. They are ruthless Grisha hunters.”

Kaz scoffed. “Explains the Fjerdan krydda the innkeeper was counting when we arrived. It’s likely he ratted her out.”

“She’s probably halfway to Fjerda on a ship right now.”

Elham’s heart sank, fearing the worst. She cursed herself for wishing that she wouldn’t see her friend today, all because she selfishly wanted to keep her little secret. Now she would most likely never see her friend again. She added the Fjerdans who took her to her list of people she would come after.

Inej leaned towards Kaz getting his attention. “They had a clear line of attack.”

Kaz nodded. “Take a look. Make sure there aren't any more surprises.”

Inej nodded, pulling her hood up, leaving out the window by the balcony door.

The Conductor sat on the bed, huffing. “Well, that’s that. We’ve lost our way into the Little Palace.”

Kaz sighed, his eyes drifting off as he thought of a plan. Elham picked up on this, leaning over to Jesper, whispering. “Scheming face.”

Jesper chuckled at that, quickly quieting down when Kaz turned to leave the building. Inej had jumped down from the balcony rooftops, giving the all clear.

The Conductor caught up to the Crows. “This seems like a reasonable juncture to abandon this whole Sun Summoner plan.”

Kaz whipped his head around, eyes raised, voice determined. “Abandon? We’re in this now. And I know what a million kruge means to me. What does it mean to you?”

Kaz was determined. If he didn’t get this kruge, and he somehow made it back to Ketterdam, Elham would belong to the Menagerie. There would be nothing he could do to get her out, just like Inej had been indentured. Kaz would cut down the whole of the Barrel before he let his Valkyrie step foot into Heleen’s clutches.

“Freedom.” Inej answered.

“Fun. Like at least a few months.” Jesper smiled, earning a wary look from the Conductor.

Kaz’s eyes landed on Elham. He knew what a million kruge meant to her. Never stepping foot into the Menagerie. Making sure Inej never had to go back, and that Kaz would get to keep the deed to the Crow Club.

As much as Elham dreaded making it back empty handed, if it came down to it, she was more scared of seeing the disappointment on Kaz’s face when he would see the symbol of the Menagerie branded onto her wrist, just like Inej’s. She was more scared of having to leave the Slat, not being a Crow. She would rather spend every night of her life as Heleen’s little fawn before not getting to see Kaz every day. Not seeing her family. Getting this kruge meant everything to her.

She only put a smile on her face that didn’t meet her eyes. “The chance to see Pekka Rollins choke on his greed.”

Kaz almost grinned. He moved his stare to the Conductor.

He pondered a bit. “Retirement.”

“Right, so we press on. You get us across the Fold and I’ll figure out the rest on the other side.”

“Fine. To cross, I’ll need twenty pounds of alabaster coal. A peck of Majdaloun jurda, not the kind from Kerch, it’s too weak. And, uh...a goat.”

Jesper made a face, and Kaz glanced around the group, gauging to see if he was kidding, before looking back at the Conductor, who was writing down the things he needed on a list. The Conductor looked up, oblivious to the Crow’s scrutinizing glances. “Now, we meet in the dead of night. There’s a wreckage of a skiff northeast, on the edge of town. So, who gets what?”

Kaz didn’t falter. “Inej, jurda. I’ll get the goat. And Jesper, just the coal, no detours. Am I going to have to send Elham with you, or are you capable of doing this on your own?”

Jesper smiled, ignoring Elham’s snickering, taking the kruge out of Kaz’s hand. “I’ve got it, Boss. Don’t worry. No detours.”

Kaz hesitantly nodded. “Alright. Elham, follow Inej, scope out anything that looks suspicious.”

She grinned. “You look suspicious.”

Kaz, not in the mood for her usual sarcasm, glared, and she quickly retracted. “Sorry, sorry. Inej, jurda, scoping out, I’ve got it, let’s just go.”

---

An hour later, Elham was in town with Inej, who had long since filled the task that was set for her. Elham stood by her as she was looking over a wall of names, not paying much attention, instead scoping out the crowd, listening to the rambles of what looked to be a General, warning about the so-called Sun Summoner, and the fate of Ravka.

She was getting bored, when she turned to see Kaz standing in the middle of the square, a goat under his arm, staring back at her. She stifled a laugh when she saw his not so amused face. It was quite the sight. Dirtyhands, the Bastard of the Barrel, holding a baby goat under his arm.

Kaz started making his way towards her, when he turned his head. Confused, Elham followed his gaze, only to see Arken, the Conductor, shaking hands with the General, being invited into his tent. He was plotting against them. She muttered under her breath. “Damn it.”

Kaz glared, rolling his eyes, before turning back to Elham, making his way to her and Inej. Inej was still scouring the list of names, and Elham turned to get a good look at them for the first time, eyes widening when she realized what it was. A memorial. To those who died in the Fold. Inej was looking for her family’s names. Elham quickly laced her fingers with Inej’s turning to let Kaz stand next to them.

Inej had just noticed Kaz’s presence, eyes landing on the goat. “He’s adorable.”

“Don’t get attached. I didn’t think I’d have to specify no detours to you.”

“Even if just a few minutes could end a lifetime of questions?”

Elham piped in. “She’s right, Kaz, just give her a minute. She deserves that.”

Kaz’s eyes softened. He stepped towards them. “Your parents are Suli. They don’t cross the Fold, they go around.”

Inej glanced away, and Elham gripped her hand tighter. “I know. I just thought that if I saw their names on there, I could let the idea of them go. This thing? This was all that I had when I was sold to the Menagerie, and if it was worth anything, Heleen would have taken it.”

Inej held up the necklace she wore, a simple chain, simple pendant.

“It’s beautiful, Inej.” Elham murmured, and Kaz’s eyes ghosted over her, before turning back to Inej.

“But this was just a simple token of faith that my mother stitched. Kaz, this is all I have left of them. Unless--”

Kaz butted in. “Hope is dangerous...It clouds your judgement. Pray, scream, do whatever you have to do to push this out of your mind, and move on. We all have debts to pay.”

Inej sighed, tucking her necklace back beneath her cloak, letting go of Elham’s hand, stepping away from the memorial steps, heading back towards the meeting point.

Elham sucked in a breath. Hope was just about all that was getting her through this heist, hope that it would pay off and she would never be indentured to the Menagerie. “Did you have to say all of that? There’s nothing wrong with having a little bit of hope. Saint’s know I need it right now.”

Kaz’s jaw clenched. He knew he had misspoken, and he knew he couldn’t take it back, because he really believed in what he said. Hope is dangerous. Hope is what brought him to the Barrel, and it’s what was left dead in the cold waters when he dragged himself out of the harbour the night the Rietveld name died with it. He had been clinging to that last bit of hope when Elham came into his life, and she was one of the only bits of hope he had left.

Elham was dangerous, though, and he knew it. Not in the sense of her being physically dangerous, however, even though Kaz knew that she could easily take him down if she wanted to. No, she was dangerous, because he let himself care about her. He let her be his hope. And his hope could be taken away from him. If this heist didn’t go well, she would be taken from him. His last bit of hope.

Elham watched Kaz open his mouth to speak, waiting to hear whatever excuse he had come up with, but one never came. Instead, he just tapped the end of his cane against her leg, and any resentment she was feeling melted away. She hated how he could do that.

“Come on El, let’s get back. I’m sure Jesper’s gotten himself in enough trouble by now.”

They began walking after Inej, and Elham laughed.

Kaz tried not to relish in it. Tried. Tried, and failed, despite himself. “What’s so amusing, hmm?”

“You should have sent me with Jesper. I’m the babysitter, remember?”

Kaz’s lipped curled up into the faintest of grins. “I’m sure you’ll have plenty of chances over the next few days to get your fill of looking after Jesper. Now hurry up, we don’t have all night.”

---

A/N - here's chapter five, i hope you like it! let me know what you think, i'm excited to get into the actual heist part, and to get into elham's backstory. also, it's gonna get a little angsty, so i'm excited to get to that point, and to finally be able to put some of the quotes and moments in that i've been so excited to put in. anyways, i hope you enjoyed, as always, comment or message me with anything, and thank you so much for the support!

#wattpad #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker #in my feels probably #ineffable #six of crows imagine #six of crows #leigh bardugo #shadow and bone #x reader #oc #grishaverse

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sokkagatekeeper · 3 years

Text

[parallel originally pointed out here]

it goes back to book one the way aang, katara, and zuko are set up to be the main thematic triad of the show, all three of them sharing the qualities of being idealists at heart, generally guided by a strict moral code they impose upon themselves, impulsively heroic at times to the point of naivety, and the belief that they have a great destiny to fulfill, for better or for worse. all of them have a certain legacy, a certain chosen one-ness to them, whether they are aware of the fact the entire time — aang as the avatar and the last airbender; katara as the last southern waterbender — or they have an idea, but aren't aware of the full picture until later on — zuko's legacy from both sozin and roku.

a triad is, of course, not made out of the dynamic of three characters together, but rather the individual pairs, then the function them three manage to balance out. in other words, it does not work like a/b/c but rather a&b / a&c / b&c. aang and zuko share, among many others, the weight of a crucial mistake they made in the past and are desperately trying to fix — mistake that, eventually, leads them to fully become the person they were meant to be; the meaning of identity as what you choose to be every day. zuko and katara share the most intense part of the triad — the rage and grief and anger, as well as the faith, hope, willingness and passion that comes with being a hero; they are the emotional fuel, the drive. aang and katara share the most intimate part of the story; of being a child, and a victim, and standing up despite and maybe because of this — both child survivors of genocide, finding solace in each other as each other's first and best friend, and as a grounding prescence in the midset of the cruel reality of war. when all three different dynamics are combined, you finally get the thematic triad — the three characters that embody the themes and values the show intends to portray and represent. the three of them are indoubtedly the heart of the show, and this is made clear throughout the entire first season. katara as the narrator of the story, aang as the protagonist, zuko as the deuteragonist (as well as antagonist, but in terms of primary titles the deuteragonist always comes first.) they are the most important characters, the basis for every other character that comes after, etc etc.

then there's sokka.

i like to think of sokka as the fourth part of the thematic triangle. he is not essential in the way aang, katara, and zuko are in theory, but he is still immediately established as a main character throughout the first book and accordingly developed in later books 2 and 3. and it works wonders, because while sokka's designated role of the comedic relief character would generally be considered enough to make him a main character, sokka is everything aang, katara, and zuko are not. i'd go as far as to say his entire character is contructed this way.

where aang and katara and zuko are idealists at heart, sokka's pessimism/skepticism is able to protect them from a possible threat their story-structured minds might have not been able to predict, for it might not fit the narrative they construct as it fits the reality of disaster that sokka is very much aware of — which is not to say that aang, katara, and zuko do not know the harsh realities of war, two of them being genocide victims and one of them being pretty much a war veteran, but merely to point out that they believe that somehow, everything will turn out exactly as it has to be above all, while sokka... doesn't, and he approaches every situation as such.

where aang, katara, and zuko are all some sort of chosen one and often act and think according to it, sokka does not have a great destiny to fulfill nor he believes in destiny as a concept. sokka is — self-admittedly — just some guy. the avatar's friend, the last southern waterbender's brother, the son of the chief, etc etc. his strength comes from his unique way of approaching things, his creativity and intelligence and most of all his identity as fundamentally, no one. sokka grew up to believe he was disposable in comparison and he actively worked — possibly even unconsciously — to be important, to be valuable, to be necessary. he was not born great, but achieved greatness, as one might say. the weight of being no one and having to work to become somebody contrasts beautifully with aang's and katara's and zuko's and even toph's inherent specialness, especially mixing up with aang's and zuko's concept of becoming who you are meant to be because of your choices.

where aang and zuko value human life above all else, and katara will never turn her back on people who need her, sokka is never afraid to get a little dirty when he wants things to go his way, or when there's simply more important things for him to worry about. sokka has what i like to call the practical murder syndrome, not necessarily as murder — though he does quite a lot of those and is willing to let zuko, ultimate deuteragonist extraordinarie, die in a blizzard, simply because it's convenient for them at the moment — but also as the way he's not willing to go out of his way to help every wretched village they come into contact with (see: the painted lady). sokka has his moral code, surely, and he has his limits, but while aang's morals, katara's morals, zuko's morals persist through war, pain, and punishment, sokka's morals are shaped by these concepts. this brings a certain balance to the text, to the group dynamic of the gaang, to the main cast in general, and it helps broadening the audience's perception and objectiveness as well. (see: katara is the narrator, and we mostly perceive the first part of the show and most of her relationship with sokka solely through her lens, but in reality sokka was more right than wrong, and that doesn't mean katara was wrong, either. once you watch the show twice, thrice, and you begin watching it objectively, sokka's motivations and general characterization becomes clearer, and makes more sense, despite opposing katara's point of view in so many ways.)

finally, where aang and katara and zuko are impulsively heroic, sokka is a chronic planner and organizer — while katara and aang are focused on fighting the firelord as an idea, sokka worries about how they will fight the firelord, and plans an entire invasion to give aang the window of opportunity to strike the final blow. while aang wants to fight off the fire nation as his duty as the avatar asks of him, sokka knows he's in no condition to fight, and in any case, there's still no need for him to waste his energies in a fight just yet. while katara wants to help people and fight for what's right, sokka needs to remain focused on the big picture, and when this doesn't do anything for katara's heroic nature, sokka offers an elaborate plan to make katara's bringing-of-justice as doable and safe as possible, for everyone involved. while zuko wants to defend his people against the injustices he knows he could have committed in another time, as his first instinct is always help them out, it's always this isn't fair, they deserve better than this, exactly the way he did it when he spoke against the massacre of the 41st division, sokka has to physically restrain him from making the same mistake zuko made at thirteen. because it's not that sokka cares less, but he knows when to care, and the way to do so as safe as possible — sokka is always planning things ahead, one might even say he overthinks, because albeit with a good reason, sokka is, at heart, kind of a coward. he's always tiptoeing between logic and reason, and outright paranoia. he is right to be a coward most of the time, because he knows bravery is a privilege, bravery comes with a price. he is right to be a coward because aang, katara, and zuko are not, and they are right, too.

sokka manages to perfectly balance the thematic triad of the show and its individual double dynamics possibly accidentally and on his own, giving the show its own taste of sokka's arc of broadening perspectives about the world and the people in it. the same way sokka is able to offer the logic and reason heroism often lacks when needed, aang and katara and zuko's idealism and heroism affects sokka in its own way, helping him to let go of this self-critical overthinker who often commits self-sabotage, to become some sort of unconventional hero himself — achieving this balance, undoubtedly makes sokka the fourth part of the thematic triangle.

#iv #i've has this concept in my mind for so long #literally years. sokka was just Something Else you know #sokka #sokka&thegaang #aang&sokka #sokka&katara #sokka&zuko #i am NOT biased enough to tag this beautiful analysis of mine in a shippy way but. just know that i could. i could!!!#atla #n #aang&katara&zuko #< i KNOWW i said aang katara sokka was my favorite triad but i was lying to myself. i was lying!!!#so i'm finding an excuse to use this tag and the excuse is [checks notes] the entire analysis i just made about them. i just keep winning #Yes sokka is my favorite character Yes i would love to hear hours and hours of the interactions between a triad that does not involve him!!#in my defense it was meant this way!!! i am simply. not doing the death of the author today #analysis #01 #long post

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insomniac-dot-ink · 4 years

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Books I’ve Read in 2020

AHello! I’m trying to read as many books as I can during the quarantine, here’s what I’ve finished so far:

On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous by Ocean Vuong (literary fiction): a son writes a letter about his life to his illiterate mother. Breathtakingly beautiful with it’s way with words this book is lovely and real in the hardest and sweetest ways. The author’s combination of prose and poetry is dazzling and intricate, this book has stuck with me for days afterward. 4.5 out of 5 stars.

Spinning Silver by Naomi Novik (fantasy): a money-lender gets in trouble after bragging she can turn silver into gold and is kidnapped and ordered to do so by a fey creature. It may be that I am the perfect audience for this type of book, but it’s my favorite thing I’ve read all year. It’s a book that equally takes on the fantastical and real-world with compelling female characters at the center of the whole thing. A wonderful fantasy journey inspired by eastern-European Jewish folklore. 5 out of 5 stars.

Through the Woods by Emily Carroll (horror graphic novel): a series of short horror comics. Absolutely bone-chilling! This was a really fun type of scary story, especially the last one which made my skin absolutely crawl. Deliciously eerie, this was treat to read if not a little too short. 4 out of 5 stars.

The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake by Aimee Bender (magical realism): a young girl can taste other people’s emotions in their cooking and begins to understand her family in new ways. This was a weird book, but it has everything you’ve got to love about that combination of the surreal and mundane. It’s sense of character was electrifying and I had fun engaging with this type of off-kilter real world. I was a little frustrated in parts bc of some characters choices, but that too was true to life. 4 out of 5 stars.

Crier’s War by Nina Varela (steampunk fantasy wlw): about a Made automaton heir to a throne and her human hand-maiden that is trying to kill her. This was an easy read with a lot of tension between the two main characters that I liked, but the writing itself was very weak. There was waaay too much exposition in parts and the dialogue had some really hockey lines. I enjoyed the twists and turns in the middle of the book, but the beginning and end didn’t have much movement. 2.5 stars out of 5.

The Huntress by Kate Quinn (historical fiction): honestly, I’m a little disappointed. This book just did not hit my sweet spots, it wasn’t fast-paced enough for me to get immersed in the plot, and the characters weren’t real enough to be wholly invested in them. That said I adored Nina Markova and the Night Witches, so that did help. 3 starts out of 5.

The Dark Descent of Elizabeth Frankenstein by Kiersten White (horror sci-fi retelling): HAND IN UNLOVABLE HAND. A retelling of Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein from the perspective of Victor Frankenstein’s wife and my God! The characters! The plot was well-enough, but the characters took the whole show for being complex and compelling. The main character was breathtakingly layered and I was wholly invested in Elizabeth and her story and the triumph at the end of this story was tangible. 4 out of 5 stars!

Uprooted by Naomi Novik (fantasy): A story of a young woman who lives in a valley where a girl must go live with a wizard for 10 years. She is certain she won’t be chosen, but ends up having to be “uprooted” herself. I enjoyed most of this book! However, I think I liked “Spinning Silver” a lot more just because the ending of this one somehow lost me. The characters were good and plot compelling, but (SPOILERS) the big battle at the end seemed to drag and didn’t interest me somehow. 3.8 out of 5 stars.

Gods of Jade and Shadow by Silvia Moreno-Garcia (fantasy): excellent read! A story of a young woman in Jazz Age Mexico who goes on an adventure with a Mayan death God who is trying to regain his throne. A romp across the country absolutely brimming with likable characters and fairy tale twists. My only complaint would be that most of it felt a little predictable due to the fact we knew where we were going throughout the whole story, However, it was still greatly enjoyable for the heroine herself, Casiopea. 4 out of 5 stars!

Little Fires Everywhere by Celeste Ng (literary): a story of two families in a progressive “planned” community, how their lives intertwine, their secrets, and a central question surrounding motherhood. Deeply empathetic to its characters and introspective, this is an every-day story of people in suburbia that reads like a thriller. I could barely put it down and felt deeply for its characters and situations, 5 out of 5 stars!

Wilder Girls by Rory Power (YA sci-fi suspense): a story of a group of girls at a boarding school on an island affected by the “tox” which alters their bodies in strange ways like giving them scales or an extra spine. This was an eerie, interesting read with a wlw romance! Watch out for the body horror in this one, but it was very gripping and held my interest. Some of the pacing was off in places (like the romance), but had a very creepy atmosphere that did it for me. 3.8 out of 5 stars!

If We Were Villains by M.L. Rio (thriller-mystery): A thriller about a group of Shakespeare actors in their last year of college and one of their classmates who turns up dead. I enjoyed the murder mystery part of this novel more than I expected despite the fact I had guessed who had “done it” pretty early on. I really enjoyed the James-Oliver dynamic with its growing homoeroticism, but I didn’t like how the character of Meredith was handled at all. She felt like a one-note aside. I might have given this book four stars, but the ending was EXTREMELY frustrating for me and I did not like the “open-ended” conclusion. 3 out of 5 stars.

A Man Called Ove by Fredrik Backman (literary humor): a weird character-driven comedy about an old grumpy man and a new family that moves in next to him. Warning for themes of suicide. Anyway, I don’t normally indulge in cliches like “I laughed, I cried, I loved one Cat Annoyance.” However, that’s exactly what I did. I laughed out loud, I cried my eyes out (THE CAT’S HEAD WAS IN HIS PALM), I loved this book. It was sweet and compelling and thoroughly immersive. 5 out of 5 stars!

The Ten Thousand Doors of January by Alix E. Harrow (historical fantasy): set in the early 1900s comes a story of a young girl and her experience with “Doors” that lead to different worlds. This book had a lot of great character development and really interesting descriptions, however, I didn’t like it as much as I wanted to. I found it hard to get myself to sit down a read it. There was just something missing with the push to “page-turn,” but it was still a really good book. 3.7 out of 5 stars!

Gideon the 9th by Tamsyn Muir (high fantasy, kinda gay): I AM FILLED WITH EMOTIONS. This was book was definitely a page-turner. I was very confused with it at the beginning, but the characters and their interactions were, forgive the expression, the life blood of the story and kept me wholly invested. The ending has CRUSHED my heart, but damn did I have a good time reading it. 4.5 out of 5 stars!

Harrow the 9th by Tamsyn Muir (sequel to Gideon the 9th): I really enjoyed this book. It was just as strange and twisting as the first book, though I think I enjoyed the first one a bit more since I love Gideon. It was fun ride overall, though the ending was kind of really confusing. So 4 out of 5 stars.

The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo (historical fiction): Overall, I really enjoyed this book! The writing style was personable and grounded in reality. I found myself really liking the main characters and the exploration of the life of a bi main character was really well done I thought. A solid book with drama and glamor to boot. 4.6 out of 5 stars!

The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah (historical fiction): A story of two sisters during WWII and their resistance to Nazi occupation. To be honest, this book wasn’t my cup of tea. It was compelling, but also wholly depressing and I felt like gloried in the pain of the two main characters too much. The history was wonderful and realistic, but it didn’t make me feel anything good afterward. It was just dark. 3 out of 5 stars.

Red, White & Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston (mlm romance): I finally finished this after the heaviness of The Nightingale. This is a story of the First Son of the USA falling for the prince of England. And it turned out to be a very fun and light hearted read! Some of it was kinda generic and too political, and it coulda been shorter, but I thought the romance itself made up for it. It just made me feel so sweet and lovely inside. 4 out of 5 stars!

Anxious People by Fredrik Backman (literary humor): I’m searching out heartfelt books and this one ticked off all the marks on my “sweet” list. A lovely book that made me cry more times than I would like to admit. Compassionate beyond belief, funny and heartfelt. I think I enjoyed A Man Called Ove slightly more, but this book was also dear to me and something I hope to reread in the future. 4.2 out of 5 stars!

Station Eleven by Emily St John Mandel (sci-fi): A post-apocalyptical story about a group of traveling Shakespeare actors and a symphony. Overall, an excellent read that somehow pictures a more realistic or even softer version of the apocalypse. At first, I wasn't happy with the jumping around of the story, but as I progressed I grew fonder and fonder of the interwoven characters and their journey. A very fascinating read about a world that hits a little too close to home. The appreciation of the arts and preserving humanity was somehow very hopeful and I was fully engaged with this story. 5 out of 5 Stars!

Up next: The Hidden Life of Trees by by Peter Wohlleben (nonfiction science), The City We Became by N. K. Jemisin (urban fantasy), The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern (fantasy)

#I'll keep this list updated!#am reading #bookblr #IA talks #I've mostly read books I've really liked this year!#then again I rarely finish books I don't like

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does-this-look-logicality-to-you · 3 years

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Valentine’s Day

words: 2868 universe: human au characters: virgil, roman, patton; mentions of remus, logan, janus pairings: romantic prinxiety, platonic moxiety, platonic DLAMPR, implied background romantic logicality warnings: none i can think of, just fluff on fluff on fluff a/n: happy late valentines day, everyone! i wanted to have this done on actual valentine’s day but executive dysfunction said no thank you. this fic is dedicated to my amazing girlfriend @katlikethesword. i still can’t believe how lucky i am to be your datemate, and i love you with all my heart. this is my first time writing a prinxiety fic this long, so i hope you like it <3

Virgil had never liked Valentine’s Day. As he often said, it was just another commercial holiday created for big corporations to take advantage of people’s relationships in order to make even more money. It was the same with holidays like Christmas and Halloween, but Valentine’s Day had always stood out to him as the worst of them all. He sometimes wondered if, deep down, he disliked this day in particular because he’d never had someone to spend it with.

That is, he didn’t, until he met Roman.

Virgil never would have guessed he’d fall for someone like Roman. The two had met through the internet, after joining a small Discord server for those who shared an interest in Steven Universe. The two held a sort of rivalry between them at first, arguing almost constantly to the point where the others would grow nervous when they noticed both of them online at once. They didn’t dislike one another, per se, but the fact that their opinions clashed a majority of the time led to conflict more often than not.

After some time— and convincing by the others— the two of them begrudgingly started to get along. Their arguments went from heated debates to playful bouts of banter. Virgil found himself growing fond of his eccentric friend, and began to see him as less annoying and self-absorbed. He instead grew to appreciate his sense of humor, and his eagerness to stand up for his beliefs, and his unrelenting loyalty to those he cared about.

Over time, Virgil’s feelings blossomed into something more than just platonic and he felt himself falling. It had terrified him at first— after all, he’d never had feelings like this toward anyone before. He finally came to terms with it after one fateful night, when a voice call lasted so long that the two of them had ended up falling asleep. After that, there was no turning back. After what felt like forever— in reality, a week— he finally opened up about his feelings, and somehow, by some miracle, Roman reciprocated them.

As a result, the two of them were now in a romantic relationship together. Virgil felt himself fall more and more in love every day. It was the simple things that made him special. Roman often sent him messages containing words of adoration and devotion, and he tagged his boyfriend in Tumblr posts that reminded him of their relationship, or of Virgil in general. Virgil had been hesitant to admit that he was in love with Roman, but he did so eventually. He couldn’t imagine loving anyone else.

Not everything was this easy, though. Roman lived thousands of miles away, too far to come and visit unless he was travelling with his family, which was unlikely considering how unappealing his home state was as a vacation spot and how unlikely it was for his parents to plan a trip there. All they could do was pine hopelessly as they waited until they could finally see one another. It wasn’t uncommon for Virgil to lose himself in daydreams of the day they could finally see each other, when they could finally hold each other, when they could finally be together. Roman sometimes joked that he’d expect the pining to die down when they got together, only for it to double once they actually did, and Virgil couldn’t help but agree. It was hard being so far from the person he cared about. All he wanted was to see his love, to be by his side, to be in his arms, even if only for a little while. Was that really too much to ask?

When he woke up on February 14, the first thing Virgil did was grab his phone and open Discord to message Roman. When he did, he’d been expecting his boyfriend to have sent him something, anything, but there was nothing. Maybe he’s not awake yet. He hoped that was it. gerard-gay: hey. happy valentine’s day. i miss you. After he sent it, Virgil lay back down, pulling the covers over himself and closing his eyes again. He stayed like that for a few minutes before stumbling out of bed and changing out of his pajamas. He wasted little time in changing into a purple t-shirt, his favorite hoodie, and a pair of dark gray sweatpants. With that done, he headed into the bathroom. He splashed water on his face, then dried it before taking out his makeup kit. He decided to go for a simple look today, complete with the black eyeshadow on his lower lid that he often wore. Satisfied, he left the bathroom and headed into the kitchen.

The first thing he noticed was that his parents weren’t sitting on the couch like they usually were. Panic surged through him as his eyes flitted around the room, looking for some kind of clue. His gaze fell on a bright pink sticky note on the counter. He came over to it and read it. We had to go pick something up. We’ll be home around 1pm. Love you! ~Mom and Dad Virgil sighed in relief. They hadn’t abandoned him after all. They could have told me beforehand, though. He glanced at the clock on the microwave. 8:49. Damnit, I got up too early. At least he had the house to himself for a while.

He made himself a cup of coffee and a bowl of cereal, got out his daily pills, and headed into the living room and set everything on the coffee table. He sat on the couch and turned on the TV, switching it to Netflix and putting on The Office. It wasn’t his favorite show, but it was better than eating in silence. As he ate his cereal, Virgil checked his notifications again. Nothing. He can’t still be asleep, can he? Even on the weekends, Roman was usually awake at around this time. He wasn’t ignoring him, was he?

Virgil soon finished his breakfast and grabbed a blanket from the back of the couch, swaddling it around himself. He stayed there for a while, occasionally having to venture out of his cozy cocoon to ensure Netflix that he was, in fact, still watching. As he watched, he kept an eye on his phone for any indication that Roman was alive and hadn’t grown bored of him.

Soon, he felt his phone buzz, and he nearly dropped it as he opened Discord to check the notification. To his disappointment, it wasn’t from Roman. It was instead from Patton, one of their mutual friends. happypappypatton: Happy palentine’s day!

Virgil couldn’t help but chuckle. gerard-gay: happy palentine’s day pat

happypappypatton: How’s your day so far?

gerard-gay: could be better

happypappypatton: Oh no! Why? Did something happen?

gerard-gay: nothing happened gerard-gay: just kinda worried about roman

happypappypatton: Is he okay?

gerard-gay: idk gerard-gay: i messaged him earlier but he didn’t respond

happypappypatton: Oh no, I’m so sorry!

gerard-gay: it’s okay gerard-gay: at least my parents aren’t home gerard-gay: so i get the house to myself😎

happypappypatton: Can I call you and keep you company?

gerard-gay: nah that’s okay gerard-gay: i don’t wanna take time out of your day

happypappypatton: You’re not happypappypatton: Nobody should be alone on Valentine’s day happypappypatton: Pleeeeease??? I want to talk to you!

gerard-gay: okay

happypappypatton: Yay!!

Virgil laughed to himself as he clicked the phone icon. It didn’t even finish ringing once before Patton picked up.

“Hi Vee!”

“Hey, Pat.”

“How’ve you been?”

“In the ten seconds since you last talked to me?” He laughed. “Exactly the same.”

Patton giggled. “Good point.”

“What about you?”

“I’m doing great! You know I love Valentine’s day.”

“I know you do. You and your roommate are having that Palentine’s party this year, right?”

“Yup!”

“I wish I could come,” Virgil half-joked.

“I know, I wish you could too. Just hang in there, we’ve only got a year and a half ‘till you graduate.”

“Yeah, I know. I’m counting the days.”

“Me too,” Patton agreed with a soft laugh. “Has Roman gotten back to you yet?”

“Nope.”

“That’s really weird. I would have thought he’d have sent you a page-long message about how much he loves you and misses you.”

“I know, I thought so too.” He sighed. “Do you think he’s sick of me?”

“No, absolutely not. You know how much Roman cares about you. Besides, even if he didn’t, he wouldn’t just ignore your messages.”

“Yeah, I guess. It would be pretty out of character for him to just ghost me.”

“Ghost you? But it’s not Halloween, it’s Valentine’s Day!”

Virgil groaned. “You couldn’t not make a dad joke, huh?”

“Sorry,” he giggled. “But you gotta admit, that was kinda funny.”

“Meh. It wasn’t your worst work.”

Patton laughed.

“Anyway.”

“Yeah, anyway…”

The two of them were quiet for a moment. “What about the others?” asked Virgil. “Have you talked to ‘em today?”

“Mhm! I DMed everyone earlier. I’m actually talking to ‘em right now.”

“Oh, cool. Are you…” he hesitated before finishing, “talking to Roman?”

“No, he’s the only one who hasn’t said anything. So on the off-chance he’s actually ignoring you, he’s ignoring me too.”

“Has anyone else said anything?”

“Nope. It’s weird, I asked them if they’d talked to him today after you told me he hadn’t been responding, and they all said no.”

“Even Remus?”

“Uh-huh. Apparently he hasn’t even seen him today.”

Virgil started bouncing his leg anxiously. “Okay, now I’m getting kinda scared. Do you think something happened to him?”

“I dunno. Maybe? But Remus would’ve said something about it, right?”

“Yeah, I’d think so.”

“Let’s change the subject,” Patton suggested. “I don’t wanna make you more anxious about this than you already are.”

“Thanks, Pat. How are the others? What are they up to?”

“They’re doing pretty good! Remus is working on a writing project, Janus is playing Stardew Valley, and Logan’s procrastinating on his schoolwork by scrolling Tumblr. Don’t worry, I already scolded him for it.”

Virgil laughed, the mention of Logan reminding him of something. “Ooh, speaking of Logan, are you gonna tell him today?”

“No, not today.”

Virgil was genuinely shocked. “Really? Why not?”

“C’mon, you know him. He sees Valentine’s Day as an excuse for big companies to make a boatload of money.”

“So? I think that too. What does that have to do with you not telling him?”

“It wouldn’t mean anything to tell him today. I don’t even know if I’m ready to tell him yet or not. Besides, he’s got a lot on his plate today, Valentine’s day or not.”

“I get that. Sorry, I didn’t mean to sound so pushy. You tell him when you know you’re ready.”

“Thanks, Vee. You didn’t sound pushy, though. I definitely know how frustrating it can be when your friend’s been pining after someone for months on end but they still refuse to do anything about it.“

Virgil laughed. “Okay, okay, I get it. I’ll stop complaining.”

“I’m not saying you have to. I did my fair share of complaining when y—” Patton stopped abruptly, and Virgil heard a faint voice coming from the other end. “Okay, just gimme a second,” Patton called out, clearly talking to someone else. “I’m so sorry, Vee, I gotta go. Emile promised a couple friends we’d meet them for lunch today and it completely slipped my mind.”

“That’s okay,” Virgil reassured him. “You go have fun, Pat. I’ll be fine by myself.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure. If I get really lonely I can always talk to the others.”

“Okay. Tell me if Roman gets back to you, ‘kay?”

“I will. I’ll talk to ya later.”

“Bye! Love you!”

“Love you too.” Virgil hung up the phone and got up, grabbing his dirty dishes and taking them into the kitchen to wash them. Once he finished, he glanced over at the clock, which read 10:37. Only about two and a half hours until Mom and Dad get home, he thought as he put the dishes away. He left the kitchen, checking his phone again as he headed toward his bedroom. Once again, Roman still hadn’t said anything. He’s definitely awake by now. Had he been right? Had something happened to him? He forced the thought away. He couldn’t let that bother him. Why was it so important, anyway? Today was just another day.

He reached his room and sat down at his desk, turning on his laptop and putting on his headphones. He then opened Spotify and put on the playlist he’d made for Roman the day after they’d gotten together, before switching over to Tumblr and scrolling through his dashboard. He could probably do the exact same thing in the living room, but he preferred the cozier, more familiar atmosphere of his bedroom. Peanut, his cat, climbed up onto his lap and curled up into a ball. Virgil smiled to himself and reached one hand down to scratch him behind the ear. Peanut purred, and Virgil’s smile widened.

He stayed there for a few hours, seeing what everyone on Tumblr was up to today. Every so often, he switched to Discord to see if Roman had replied to him yet, but no such luck. He did his best to ignore his growing worry, focusing instead on the computer in front of him and the cat on his lap. He could be busy today, he reminded himself. His world doesn’t revolve around you.

Soon enough, he heard the familiar rumble of the garage door, followed by the ca-CHUNK of the front door and the clip-clop-clip-clop of his parents’ footsteps. Virgil gently moved Peanut off his lap, which the pale ginger tabby didn’t seem to mind much. “I’m gonna go say hi to Mom and Dad,” he told the cat. “You can come if ya want.” Peanut meowed in response, which made Virgil laugh. He knew his cat couldn’t understand him, but he still found it wildly amusing when he acted as if he did. He crouched down to pat his head a few times before leaving his bedroom and going into the living room. He smiled at his parents when he saw them. “Hey,” he greeted, giving a sort of half-wave.

“Hey, honey,” his mom greeted with a smile.

“Happy Valentine’s Day!” added his dad.

“Yeah, you too.” He came over and hugged his parents.

“Have you eaten yet?” his dad wanted to know.

“I did,” he reassured him. “I had a bowl of cereal.”

This satisfied him. “Good.”

“What’ve you been up to?” asked his mom.

“Not much. I had breakfast, called Patton and then went to hang out with Peanut and scroll Tumblr for a bit. What about you guys? What exactly were you picking up?” He glanced around in search of a box or some kind of indication of a possible answer but found none.

“Actually,” answered his mom. “It was something for you.”

Virgil hadn’t expected that. “Oh! I-uh, cool. Thanks.”

“Don’t thank us yet,” his dad told him with a laugh. “Go and see, it’s in the garage.”

“Okay.” He went into the laundry room, where the door to the garage was, with no idea what he was going to find in there. His parents rarely got him big presents, and when they did it was either for his birthday or for Christmas. He had no idea what to expect. He reached the door, turned the handle, and flicked on the lights.

Standing there was a teenage boy with a broad smile. He wore a red hoodie and a pair of ripped blue jeans, and his white sneakers were dirty and worn. Around his neck was a necklace with a gold-colored charm shaped like a crown. He spoke, his voice sounding to Virgil like the most beautiful of songs. “Happy Valentine’s Day, sweetheart.”

“ROMAN!” Virgil barreled into him, nearly knocking him over as he threw his arms around him. “Oh my God, you’re actually here. Like, right here. In my garage. How did you even manage to do this?”

“I have my ways.”

Virgil pulled back a little to smirk at him. “You’re just as insufferable in real life as you are online, huh?”

“Well, I’m afraid you’re stuck with me and my insufferableness.”

“Unfortunately.” Virgil gave him a lopsided grin as an indication that he was joking, and an adoring smile crossed his boyfriend’s face. “Is this why you haven’t answered my message?”

“I can’t believe you’re actually here. You actually are here, right? This isn’t some practical joke?”

“It’s not a joke. I wouldn’t do that to you. Well, maybe I would, but not on a day like today. Not on Valentine’s Day.”

The two were quiet for a few moments, just taking in one another’s presence. Virgil was pretty confident that he would willingly stay here forever if he could.

“Well, now that you’re here, what do you want to do first?” Virgil asked, finally breaking the silence.

Roman gave Virgil the playful smirk he’d only ever imagined before. “I think I have an idea.” He rested a hand on his cheek and leaned in, and Virgil felt his heart soar as he and Roman shared their long-awaited first kiss.

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viridiave · 3 years

Text

NARUMITSU <ATTEMPTING TO READ THE SUBTEXT PLATONICALLY>

*Wrote all this some time last month so I might be off- really really off- also full disclosure I too am a Narumitsu shipper- this is just me giving myself a bad time doing the impossible and having fun XD

-I am going to fail sooner or later. Looking at you, Bridge to the Turnabout.

FIRST GAME >Turnabout Samurai -Yep. We're jumping right in with 'unnecessary feelings'. I'm going to be put on a stake for this. -This is going to become the main argument with any and all homoerotic subtext present in the first game- that it was unintentional. They didn't actively start making it gay until the second game, and even before then the producer for the games had to warn the development team not to try and insert these themes for fear of getting it wrong and lose the fanbase they'd accidentally caught the eye of. I can still create arguments for why this specific, hilariously meme-able line could be read romantically of course- but as far as the game development team at the time was concerned this interaction was never meant to be read as romantic. -Unease and uncertainty are... very valid feelings for Edgeworth to feel at this very moment and as much as I'd like to joke that he was feeling uncertain about his sexuality after seeing his childhood friend as an adult, this line was really just likely meant to lead up to the conclusion of Turnabout Goodbyes and Edgeworth's character arc for this game. His perfect win streak had just been shattered in a case prior. In this case, he was meant to persecute the lead actor of his favorite show- and in some ways his helping the defense can be taken as his biases getting the better of him. His sense of justice and his entire worldview is about to be overhauled, and I can see how he would regard this budding doubt in himself as an unnecessary (heh) distraction from what he believes is his true purpose in life.

>Turnabout Goodbyes -Edgeworth wanting to keep him away from DL-6 has its own section mostly because of how stubborn he becomes when it comes to Phoenix's insistence in particular. It's clear that this stubbornness is a front, I will concede with that- but there are merits to his initial reluctance in accepting Phoenix's defense. It's evident that Phoenix himself has grown over the course of the game so far, but in both of the times that he faced off against Edgeworth in court, his victories were... a tad bit contrived. For instance in Turnabout Sisters, Phoenix really only wins because Mia was being channeled and blackmailed White as he was about to leave the stand. Turnabout Samurai is a little better- but had him rely on quite a lot of coincidences (proven later to be substantiated) that surfaced during the trial. This is nothing to say of the deeper reason Edgeworth has over dissuading Phoenix from taking his case ("You in particular I cannot ask to do this.")- where I can make an argument for his pride and/or concern over Phoenix's career as an attorney. The stakes are relatively high here as well- if Phoenix fails, Edgeworth is incarcerated, Manfred von Karma goes free, DL-6 goes cold once again with no hope of getting re-opened, and everything that Phoenix has been working towards as an attorney would have been in vain. DL-6 is a case that has ruined many lives- it'd make sense if Edgeworth himself felt as though it would be a waste of time and effort to take this case because of how convinced he was of murdering his own father prior to Gourd Lake. He'd grown up for the past 15 years with a nightmare and a death sentence over his head- I wouldn't be surprised if he simply gave up and accepted that he was going to die at the hands of his prosecuting mentor. Even if he were acquitted for the murder of Robert Hammond, his perceived involvement in DL-6 would have thrown a wrench in his freedom- any lesser attorney would have given up on that. And this is unloaded BEFORE Phoenix tells him about the true reason as to why he became an attorney. -Phoenix's insistence to defend Edgeworth in this case can easily just be read as platonic- his complete, unfettered faith in Edgeworth's innocence is heavily influenced by that class trial, for better or for worse. While I'm perfectly happy to imagine that Phoenix's attachment to his idealized version of Edgeworth grew into something deeper sometime in the fifteen years that he hasn't seen him, I do believe that Phoenix in particular really is just that much of a sentimental person. This is to say nothing of his nature as a defense attorney- and what little time he's managed to spend with Mia has taught him that unbridled trust in his client is what gets him through the day, and he's putting it to practice here. Edgeworth was what he has been working towards the moment he decided he would practice law- as Phoenix at this point in time still believes that he could do no wrong despite seeing what Edgeworth is truly like in court. -Cutting into the meat of Phoenix and Edgeworth's shared past, I made a point earlier to say that Phoenix's perception of Edgeworth as a person is idealized. Every memory that Phoenix has had of Edgeworth prior to the events of the first game were from their childhood- and they had 4-8 months (plus one year if we're generous with the retconning some of the official art gave us) MAX to develop a friendship so strong that Phoenix makes major life decisions just to meet with this man. The fact that this time spent together was ENOUGH for Phoenix in the first place is... really hard to skirt around. To quote Dan from GameGrumps "this is something that you would only do for someone you're trying to marry" and if one of them was a woman I guarantee this ship would be canon already. But then again- since this is Phoenix Wright in particular somehow I can believe that he really is just that sentimental- and that isn't always a bad thing. He'd managed to save Edgeworth twice with this conviction after all. When Phoenix sees Edgeworth, he doesn't see a demon prosecutor, he sees his childhood friend who aimed to become a shining example of justice following in his father's footsteps. They address how shaky his foundations for becoming an attorney were in the Phoenix Wright Files once actually- going through a mini-existential crisis because he'd become an attorney with the main goal of saving Edgeworth from what he'd become, and now that he's accomplished that he's just kind of... lost. Edgeworth himself manages to pull him out of this, though. -man that hurts my case a lot actually but to be fair I was banking on failing -I just didn't expect it to happen so early even with the first game -in fact ESPECIALLY with the first game -though I cannot for the life of me wonder how I can come up with a heterosexual explanation for why the buildup towards Edgeworth telling Phoenix and Maya about his nightmares reads so much like a stunted love confession. I'm serious- just read any high school shojo manga ever. You'll find that it hits a lot of the same beats.

>Rise From The Ashes -It's in this case that we observe some of the consequences that the intial upheaval of Edgeworth's worldview in Turnabout Goodbyes causes him; distrust in the enforcement of the law. Not exactly the time for him to be dabbling in another, meme-able brand of unnecessary feelings. Several things like the Prosecutor's Office's relationship with the Police Department starts to waver with the murder of Bruce Goodman, and this becomes the final nail in the coffin for Edgeworth's worldviews and values as a prosecutor. His and Phoenix's teamwork in this trial becomes prevalent- the story behind the King of Prosecutors award represents this best despite it's currently incomplete state. The backstory behind this award paints an ideal of justice in the courtroom wherein the truth comes out as a result of the efforts of contradictory forces. A broken halberd that can cut through any shield (the prosecution) and a broken, unbreakable shield (the defense). Read as representation the text becomes something of a metaphor for the ideal justice that manifests itself in the best parts of Edgeworth and Phoenix respectively- the duality of their opposing professions rather than something that is limited to their relationship. -The same argument that I've used for Phoenix's unwavering belief in Edgeworth's innocence in Turnabout Goodbyes can be used for this case as well. -Though Edgeworth still goes M.I.A for a year after this case, it does grant his disappearance a bit more context as to why exactly it is that he left- and I'll be taking a tiny liberty with this and apply the interpretation that the Miles Edgeworth Files grants us, and that he left in order to better himself and grow as a person, a prosecutor, and as a friend to Phoenix Wright. It's... difficult for me to want to read this as anything but romantically-charged because the narrative beats are NOT lost on me (the dialogue makes this especially hard. send help.)- there's a possibility that Edgeworth at this point in time realizes the value in having a better, more functional dynamic with the one defense attorney who he considers a true equal in court. This dynamic will allow for less chances to encounter missteps and errors in any verdicts handed down in court, and if Edgeworth is to pursue his ideal of justice- Phoenix Wright is undoubtedly essential to this endeavor. The aftermath of Rise From The Ashes is indicative of this newfound goal of his- the symbolism behind the old King of Prosecutors award and the two halves of the evidence list certainly helps this case. -<"It seems all you do is worry about me." -Miles Edgeworth, Rise From The Ashes> For good fucking reason Edgeworth. You were accused of murder and have implicated yourself on the stand for DL-6 just a few months ago- and if the Investigations games are anything to go by, you're more of a danger magnet than PHOENIX is. I had to say it. The first Investigations game takes place over the course of 2-3 days and the sheer amount of shit that Edgeworth had to deal with in between that interval truly makes me wonder how Phoenix Wright ended up with the title of danger magnet. And THIS time- Edgeworth's car becomes a crime scene because his corrupt superiors needed a convenient way of transporting a corpse. There's VERY good reasons to worry about the livelihood of Miles Edgeworth. -Okay I... can't believe I forgot about the chessboard. Here's the kicker- the one we see from his office isn't even the only one he owns. I... legitimately cannot give you ANY purely heterosexual, platonic explanation for why Miles Edgeworth has THREE (THREE. I CANNOT OVERSTATE THIS. HE HAS T H R E E OF THESE FUCKING THINGS. GOOD GOD. HE CAN'T BE ANY MORE EXTRA.)(there exists a similar, portable set in the Investigations games- and he has a new set by the time of Dual Destinies) sets of custom-made chessboards with personalized, highly-specific red and blue designs made purely to depict his rivalry with Phoenix Wright. I fold. I give up. I forgot about the chessboards I wAS NOT EXPECTING TO FAIL THIS E A R LY- -You know what the real kicker is with Rise From the Ashes? The main argument that I have introduced back in Turnabout Samurai does not apply here. Rise From the Ashes was made as a DS-exclusive case and did not exist in the original GameBoy version of the Trilogy. Which means if there is homoerotic tension written in for this case (and there happens to be a lot. the chessboard is proof enough.), then we can safely assume that the writers at this point were well-aware. So yeah- maybe don't feel TOO bad about the unnecessary feelings line- because ever since then the writers have been playing off of that and it SHOWS. -Is there really a point to this I'm just- everything is stacked against me tryna interpret this platonically -Like I know I make a point to say that a romantic relationship isn't the end-all of all relationships because this franchise LOVES pushing the Found Family dynamic and I'm an absolute sucker for that -good god by the time Dual Destinies rolls around I'll probably just give up and happily say they're happily married -that's literally what they act like don't even pretend

#narumitsu #wrightworth #ace attorney #gyakuten saiban #phoenix wright #naruhodou ryuuichi #miles edgeworth #mitsurugi reiji #i'll probably write more once school blows over #so have the first game for now #trust me i tried #maybe i'm just not an anti-shipper and that's why i failed #uh feel free to set the comments on fire #but like civilly #we're all here to have fun okay #even if fun means shipping

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thechangeling · 3 years

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I was reading your co-signing the narrative post- great post btw- and your thoughts on Kit Lightwood helped me figure out exactly what bothers me about the way other characters talk about and treat him.

So, there’s this kind of this running “joke” in TLH that Christopher’s interests are boring, that everyone else puts up with it him as though it’s this big nuisance, that everyone zones out hearing him talk… and on and on and on.*** And then there’s this scene where Grace is genuinely interested or at least not bringing him down about his self-expression and the things that bring him joy, and that’s romanticized as special when it’s really kind of the bare fuckin minimum. Like, I’m not saying James/Matthew/Thomas had to immerse themselves completely in every sciency detail but the constant “jokes” implying that Christopher’s work is boring or incomprehensible or not worth their time is just so tiring. There’s always an undercurrent of “Christopher’s just playing around uselessly” (which is not true and even when he’s having fun with his work then it’s still automatically WORTHY and VALUABLE because it makes him happy!) Not to mention this recurring problem directly contradicts the value that Christopher’s work has (beyond its inherent value) when he sends it into the world to literally save lives: the poison antidote, the fire messages that will probably come about in CoT.

And the thing is, the merry thieves’ disinterest is directly meant to foil grace’s interest in order to lend the Grace/Kit relationship a certain significance, as CC assigns to it. I’m not saying shared excitement over an interest/hobby/career/field/etc isn’t sweet platonically or romantically. I just really dislike how the idea CC is using is “no one else can bear to tolerate Kit’s ‘quirks’ but Grace, and that is Endearing, and so they are Soulmates (TM)” rather than the much healthier and positive idea that “Kit does cool sciencey stuff which his family and friends generally don’t share as strong a passion for but still don’t huff about it like it’s somehow a chore or a burden on them, and then Grace comes along and she does happen to share a similar passion and that’s the beginning of their ties to one another.” That second reasoning is what could make their friendship really refreshing; we don’t need ableism poorly twined into romance to enjoy that relationship.

I haven’t read TDA in a while but I’m thinking we could also find touches of this with Ty partly because so much of when we see him is from Kit’s POV? Not that Kit means harm or thinks himself heroic but CC on the other hand is a repeat offender in “abled/white/straight/cis character is ultimately and completely responsible for the salvation of disabled/POC/queer character in this aspect.” And I’m kind of half dreading the wicked powers for that reason among others …

I apologize if all this seems obvious or rambly. I do sometimes have trouble articulating things exactly but when I read your post i had a lightbulb moment and I wanted to note it down.

Have a great day!

***Side Note: this is why I really enjoy fan-created content that explores Christopher’s relationships with people (even people he didn’t interact with on-page in the canon) without that annoying and problematic aspect built into the framework of the relationship.

^^^^^^^^^THIS ALL OF THIS!!!!!!

Full disclosure this is gonna be kind of long sorry. But you have stumbled across my favourite topic to rant about. Allistic saviorism. Basically the name is pretty self explanatory. It's when an allistic person fictional or otherwise has the desire to or actively attempts to essentially "save" the autistic person from the horrors of the world or their life, or even themselves because they think that the autistic person isn't strong or capable enough to fix/handle it on their own. All of this is usually done for very self serving reasons. Part of this is also allistic people being praised as heroes for being nice to autistic people or asking them out, or loving them.

I don't neccesarily think that kitty is an allistic savior ship on it's own. I think that there are definitely peices of those beliefs scattered throughout the books and it might get worse in TWP. That's honestly something that I'm worried about too tbh. But honestly I think that the fandom made it a billion times worse.

This mainly allistic fandom wanted to romanticize the idea of Kit taking care of Ty and shouldering the burden of his "unpredictability." Kit is the only one who can get through to Ty. The only one who understands the mystery that is Ty 🙄. Some of this is canon too. For example, Ty can look Kit in the eye, he lets him touch him. He doesn't wear the headphones when Kit's around right? And Kit was able to calm him down during his meltdown.

And while some of this is really cute from a romantic perspective, it's also kinda problematic because it reeks of allistic saviorism. It promotes the idea that Kit is like Ty's "cure." And that's just impossible.

And honestly I know I've contributed to this in some ways. Because if I'm being perfectly honest with you, there's a part of me that enjoys that. The romantization of autism.

The idea of being taken care of.

The idea that someone could love an autistic person and see them as "beautiful" and "extraordinary" and all the things Kit calls Ty, was incredibly moving and appealing to me as a kid. It still is. Because I grew up on stories of charity cases and allistic saviorism making headlines with prom dates. I was super secretive about it, but I was always a romantic growing up. But I thought that it was impossible for me to have a real love story because people like me don't get that. (Not to get all sob story on you sorry. I overshare. It's an autistic thing.)

And there are some really compelling things about kitty that really do work. And I'm not trying to suggest that Kit learning to help Ty with the ...shall we say more colourful traits of his disability is a bad thing always. It's not. But I think the issue is with Ty's lack of pov and Ty's lack of a narrative in the books. It makes him seem like less of a completely developed character and more like, "Kit's" you know?

And because we don't have Ty's pov we don't really get what makes Kit have this sort of calming effect on him or why it's different. And more importantly we don't get why Ty's letting him in, we only get Kit pushing past his boundries. The entire thing becomes about Kit essentially and that's at the root of all allistic saviorism.

Also like you mentioned before, Kit is seen as special to a certain extent because he can handle Ty. That's not neccesarily something the character believes obviously, but again with CC co-signing the damn narrative with the way she makes the impact Kit has on Ty such a big deal in everyone's eyes and in QOAAD she really emphasizes the drain Ty's necromancy plan is taking on Kit, suddenly Ty's grief becomes all about Kit and with no pov from Ty, it's more allistic savior bs.

Honestly most of this isnt actually THAT bad it's just when you throw it all together and look at the ugly history and let's be honest present, of autistic people being silenced and spoken over by our caregivers and loved ones and we are treated like burdens on them, and how those people are praised for loving us, it kinda looks bad. But the fandom definitely made it worse.

I always get criticized for criticizing kitty by allistic people with, " well if you think they're so toxic then why do you even ship them?" Which is a piss poor take lacking in any nuance. An autistic person has the right to critique a dynamic involving an autistic character. More to the point, you can love something and be critical of it. I swear when this fandom finally figures that one out... we could accomplish so much.

I'm really hoping this is making sense it's like 2 in the morning. As for Grace and Christopher's dynamic I agree with you. I basically have nothing to add. Bare minimum. Should not be idolized. The way the others treat him should not just be brushed off as no big deal. It's ableism.

Basically it's just a bunch of classic mistakes that come from a neurotypical abled writer writing nd characters. Some mistakes are more damning then others. But it does make me scared for TWP.

I can only hope.

#kit x ty #christopher lightwood #ty blackthorn #tsc #tlh #tda #twp #the last hours #the dark artifices #the wicked powers #actuallyautistic #allistic saviorism #asks

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elefseia · 2 years

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extremely long, mildly spoiler-y OC thoughts that idk if anyone cares about under the cut fjghfgf

So yesterday I was thinking about Florence and Oskar; we’re not quite to the point where they get together yet, but it’s coming much closer. I made the interesting discovery that...I think Florence might actually have one of the worst reactions to his own queerness (beyond Oskar, who tries to “no homo” himself so hard, it swerves around and almost obliterates his relationship with Suzette).

I find it interesting, for his character — he’s very friendly and open-minded, not very judgemental in general, and finds a lot of society’s rules silly. He also doesn’t have the baggage holding Oskar down: he’s thoroughly agnostic, and he doesn’t have any...weird gender stuff going on. He’s not insecure in his masculinity — he barely cares about it at all, actually. He’s cis only because he doesn’t care enough to try to assert himself as something else, not because he’s Definitely A Man (contrasted with Oskar, and even someone like Hikaru).

But, even with all that said — and even considering the fact he had the best reaction to at least one form of queerness (Florence learned Oskar was trans right as they met, and not only did he accept it, he’s the one who facilitated Oskar transitioning) — I think Florence has always been long disturbed at the thought of being romantically drawn to a man.

Even though he doesn’t object on religious grounds, I think he’s still inclined to view homosexuality as being strange and unnatural, and perhaps even unhealthy. I don’t think he really even has a reasoning for it beyond finding it kind of gross — and for little reason other than that’s just the society he grew up in for so long. A great many other things he can get past and rationalize — being trans, well, your brain and the rest of your body just got mismatched somehow, very scientific. All the superstitions surrounding albinism are just silly. Needing to get married and having a family — dumb, people should uphold their own free will.

...But even though he doesn’t think it’s necessary for people to go down the expected life path of “get married have babies,” he still thinks that if people are going to have some kind of union, it should be heterosexual. I mean, men and women are made for each other, right...?

I think his feelings on Oskar confuse and frighten him; early on, he would have wondered if maybe Oskar’s body being “female” has something to do with it, although in a (strangely heartwarming) twist, he quickly concludes that he so thoroughly sees Oskar as a man that there’s no way that can be it. I wonder if perhaps at some point he wonders if he’s not a man, although he’s certainly not a woman, and he doesn’t really have a concept of nonbinary, so none of that. When he was younger, this probably ate at him — although by the time we meet this in SoS, he’s long gotten over this, sort of. He brushed off his feelings for Oskar, they stayed friends, and he was simply prepared to do this forever.

I don’t know if I’ll be able to write the scene where Oskar confesses to him, cause of Suzette’s perspective — but I keep thinking about it, how interesting it must be. Florence laid to rest any feelings he had for Oskar about a decade before this happens. He never remotely considered that Oskar might reciprocate, and so hearing that just...brings back every single confusing feeling right to the fore, cause the truth is he never got over anything, he just gave up and tried not to think about it. A part of him is extremely happy — but wait, should he be? Is he really just some kind of degenerate?

And Oskar feels the same way, having had even stronger convictions against homosexuality than Florence had, largely due to his religious beliefs (and being trans, and his ideas of what that means, not helping).

It’s different from the other gay couple we’ve seen so far; Hikaru had religious convictions against it, but we young enough and already ostracized enough that when he learned his feelings were reciprocated, he didn’t have many qualms giving in. And Alex simply didn’t even know homosexuality was a thing you could do. And Suzette — fittingly enough, I think she was like Florence, but having Alex’s memories blasted into her brain made her more easily accept that maybe it’s not something strange and unnatural. Because they aren’t her feelings (sort of), it oddly makes it easier for her to accept them without condemning them. She sees how sweet and joyous they were, and finds it hard to find fault in something that feels so pure.

Unfortunately for Florence, he doesn’t have anything to really help him through this. He just has to be brave and fight head-on the convictions that society has instilled in him ever since he was young, which at this point is a bit difficult (he’s 46 is SoS vol 2). He’s almost always had the perspective that happiness is more important than society’s silly conventions — he didn’t get married, he went to become a tailor instead of being a nobleman, he’s always gone on his own way. But he has to see just how far he’s willing to push the envelope to find whatever joy he’s seeking.

#hkrsztt rambling #Beloved talk #cw: homophobia #maybe idk #I never know when/how to tag these things kjdhfjfd

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