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sad-little-ghost-hunter · 3 years

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The Professor and The Genie: A Full Breakdown

Welcome one and all to A Comprehensive List of All The Genie Lore In Puppet History, With Theories. If you aren’t familiar with what I’m talking about, go watch all of Puppet History made by @wearewatcher on YouTube and come right back here. No dilly-dallying. For those of you who are, you’re probably also aware of the recurring character of The Genie on the show, whose role has been the subject of much speculation among the show’s audience. I couldn’t find a compilation of references/ theories, so I made one!

The show, which tells somewhat obscure stories from throughout history, accompanied by a special guest each episode and a musical number at the end of each tale, is hosted by The Professor, a little fuzzy blue puppet, who commonly references The Genie, with whom he holds a deep-rooted grudge. I will be going through all the existing information on this guy so far, and discussing a few theories as to what all this is about. It’s like my very own BuzzFeed Unsolved except I’m just one very bored person with way too much time on her hands.

Let’s compile all of the currently known information: on April 10, 2020, in the video entitled, “Surviving The Titanic: History's Luckiest Woman • Puppet History” the Genie is first mentioned, at 16:10, in a question about what Violet Jessop saw while peering off of the ship. The answer choice reads, “A Genie??????????????????”

On August 14, 2020, in the video entitled, “How America’s First Female Detective Saved Abe Lincoln • Puppet History” the Genie again comes up, at 23:04, in a question entitled “What’s the matter?!?”. The answer choice reads, “The secessionists had found a magical genie!” The pattern was starting to emerge.

On September 4, 2020, in the video entitled “The Disastrous 1904 Olympics • Puppet History” the genie is once again mentioned, at 5:06. The genie is referred to as “fickle” and apparently keeps making things worse, no matter what the Professor says. From this we can gather that the genie may have gone back on some sort of promise he made to The Professor, and is escalating the situation.

On September 11, 2020, in the video entitled “Isaac Newton's Nemesis • Puppet History” the genie is mentioned in an answer choice at 6:45, reading “A genie that will stop at nothing to make my life a living hell, even though I followed his silly rules to the letter and I don’t owe him anything.” Clearly, things with the genie are only getting worse. The genie is harboring some sort of grudge against the Professor, be it the Professor’s fault or not. The Genie also provided rules for something-- we’ll return to this later.

On September 18, 2020, in the video entitled, “The World’s Greatest/ Rudest Samurai • Puppet History”, The Genie once again comes up in the answer choices at 24:52, as “A genie who insists I owe him, and I wish I had a wish left so I could wish Musashi were here to teach him a lesson.” Once again, we see evidence that the Professor may have made some sort of deal with this genie, and whether or not he fulfilled his end of the bargain is still up in the air.

On September 25, 2020, in the video entitled “Policarpa: The Revolutionary Teen Spy • Puppet History”, the Professor makes not one but three references to the genie! We get so much lore here! First up, at 1:05, Ryan Bergara asks The Professor how old he really is. The Professor responds with this: “Yeah, you know, you start jumping around in time and things get a little funky…”. Just a few seconds later, the Professor says, “Well, if you could ask the subject of today’s story, which, how could I, it's not like you can just wish to be able to time travel…“ The pain in his voice here is apparent, devastating, and very real. Lastly, later on in the video at 20:05, The Professor gives the following answer choice to the question, “What happened?” (to Policarpa). The choice reads, “A magical genie meddled once again with history, and turned Policarpa in, and tried to pin the blame on a bespectacled puppet, who is at this point starting to suspect he may have made a deal with the devil.” Now here’s where things get real interesting. The Professor is now alleging that not only is the Genie out to get him, but the Genie is actually influencing history.

On October 2, 2020, in the video entitled “The Grisly Journey of the Donner Party • Puppet History”, The Professor goes on a longer than usual tangent about the genie at 18:38, saying, “He had cached a trove of treasured items, including a magical lamp that only a creature about the size of a human hand could get to, and inside the magical lamp was a Genie, capable of granting any wish, up to and including turning a seemingly everyday item into a secret time machine, but that if you wished for that, THE GENIE WOULD BE A TOTAL PRICK ABOUT IT, SO MAYBE BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR.” The genie appears in a short montage of clips, with the professor’s above monologue in the background. The genie shown is just Shane in eyeliner and an Aladdin-style genie costume, cackling and looking mischievous. The professor rubs the lamp in the skit, and the genie does that evil villainous hand thing, and casts some sort of spell. There’s a lot to break down. First up, we may have gotten a glimpse into the Professor’s actual past here. It seems as though at some point in his life he was either told about, or found out about this cache of treasure deep in the mountains, that only a creature about the size of a human hand could get to. This is important because it debunks one of the most popular theories circulating the internet right now-- that the Genie somehow turned the Professor into an immortal, time-traveling puppet. The Professor was clearly already a puppet, as he had access to this treasure trove. Next we get the part about the time-machine. If we can assume that the Professor is projecting his past experiences onto the poor guests on this show, we can surmise that the Professor used his wish to wish for one of his ordinary objects to turn into a secret time machine. We will delve more into this later.

Finally, on December 25, 2020, in the video entitled “The Story of St. Nicholas • Puppet History”, The Professor goes on another rant about the Genie in the answer choices, saying “The same curse that eventually befalls all of God’s creatures-- an evil genie was pursuing him through time and space to steal something the genie himself had made magical!” From this we can gather that, after the Professor wished for his time machine, the Genie gave him some rules and conditions he had to agree to. The Professor may have broken these, hence why the Genie is pursuing him across time and space.

Now that we have all the existing information, assuming I didn’t miss anything, let’s get into the theories.

My current, working theory is that The Professor happened across this lamp somewhere deep in the mountains, and wished for a Time Machine from the Genie inside. The Genie (who appears malevolent in the Professor’s flashback, but I’m gonna chalk that up to personal bias) agreed, but gave the Professor some conditions and rules to follow regarding the Time Machine. The Professor agreed, and promptly broke these rules. The Genie then demanded something in return-- This could be the Time Machine itself, but given Shane’s twisted mind I would assume the Professor owes the Genie something more. Perhaps… his soul?

Or maybe just a fine, I don’t know.

The Professor refused to pay up, possibly time traveling away to hide from the Genie, and is now on the run. A fuzzy blue fugitive. But, the Professor also mentioned that the Genie actually meddles with history, and tries to get the puppet in trouble for stuff he didn’t do. This begs the question; why would the Genie resort to a relatively harmless source of mischief to target the Professor, instead of just taking whatever is owed to him? This almost implies that whatever it is the Professor owes the Genie has to be given willingly. Hence, why the Genie is making his life “a living hell”.

The puppet also seems to be immortal, or at least old enough to not remember how old he is. In his words, time is “funky” when you travel around it too much.

We also don’t know which of the Professor’s objects could be the Time Machine. Some have speculated (some being me) that it’s his satchel, or hat. But, when you think about it, it seems most likely that it’s actually the theatre itself. The Theatre does often seem to transport you back in time to the actual stories, although that could just be Watcher’s killer editing skills. Either way, the Time Machine seems to be a source of great trouble for the puppet, so maybe just… get rid of it?

There are 2 main schools of thought here, in my own opinion. The idea that the Genie is in the wrong, and is relentlessly torturing this poor Professor for no good reason, or the idea that the Genie is actually justified in his anger at the Professor, and that the Professor brought this on himself.

Theory #1: The Genie is a malevolent entity, and tricked the Professor into making an unfair deal with him. This is clearly what the Professor himself believes, or wants us to believe. The Professor says, and I quote, “starting to suspect he may have made a deal with the devil.” If this is true, and the Professor is actually on the run from the Devil himself, then that would imply that the Professor sold his own soul for this time machine, the most commonly referenced deal with the devil. However, since that would be a little far-fetched even for Shane (although, let’s be real- would it?) we could go with the second option- the Genie is just a Genie, but he did trick the Professor into making a bargain with him, and the Professor still believes he has held up his own end of the deal.

Theory #2: The Genie is just doing his job, and the Professor’s the one at fault. Now I don’t want to take any sides here, but this does seem to be the most plausible theory. Even the Professor, on several occasions, has implied a set of rules that he agreed to when he wished for his Time Machine. What these rules were we may never know, but the Genie clearly thinks that he broke them and is now owed something. Historically, in folklore from all over the world, Genies are tricky creatures, and will try to deceive you into wishing for stupid stuff, or agreeing to things that you maybe shouldn’t agree to. However, in almost all cases, if you manage to outsmart them, or keep your word, they will leave you alone. Let’s say The Professor knew what he was getting himself into when he wished for the Time Machine. He agreed to the rules, and he understood that if he broke them he would owe the Genie something. Yet he went ahead with it, and now the Genie is after him. He clearly broke the rules and the Genie is just collecting on his bargain.

All in all, we don’t have enough information yet to actually know what this Genie’s DEAL is (see what I did there). Is the Genie an evil being trying his very best to ruin the unlucky Professor’s life? Or is the Professor the one who wronged the Genie, breaking his word and escaping via Puppet TARDIS? The answer will remain… Unsolved.

#buzzfeed unsolved #shane madej #ryan bergara #puppet history #watcher #the professor #genie lore

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sonicasura · 3 years

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Danny Phantom Surprise Dads

An idea that popped into my head involving my childhood favorite Danny Phantom and spiting the shit out of the creator Bitch Hartman.

Let's give Danny some father figures with questionable backgrounds.

How this will work is simple. They have to share an aspect similar to our lovable ghost boy or can relate. Superpowers(preferably ghost or spiritual related), not human or previously human, socially awkward, some role in good or evil: Remember the hour special Ultimate Enemy if you need any clarification, etc.

Here are my picks.

Snatcher- A Hat In Time

Yep! We're starting with the soul eating ghostly noodle of Subcon Forest. So far, I've never seen Danny with a father figure even close to a ghost much less. A VERY disappointing fact despite the fan art and fanfiction with all sorts of dad! characters like @the-stove-is-on-fire 's Spiderdad and Dadpool, or the multiple Irondad fics on AO3 especially "How Tony keeps adopting Ghost sensitive kids". So my Snatcher choice is viable.

The bean will have someone to help him get a better hold of his powers and Snatcher having someone to relate too. If you don't know or haven't played Hat In Time, I will just say that Snatcher was a good loving person until a traumatic experience turned him into this wisecracking malevolent soul eating ghost.

Cracking jokes can be a coping mechanism btw, even the morbid ones.

For alignment, the Subcon Snatcher is Chaotic Neutral. He only really causes trouble in his domain which is Subcon Forest, he cares about his minions to an extent (he uses them for one attack in his boss battle) and kills any trespassers on his land but do give them a chance to live through contracts.

The bonding will no doubt start out slow especially what point of time Danny is, the biggest is when he has his Ice Powers. But I can see Snatcher being someone Danny can go to if life in Amity gets hard to handle. A driving point to help Danny is so the halfa doesn't end up like him.

Also, I just want to see Snatcher and Danny a Ghostly Wail like combo or the ghostly noodle beating the shit out of Vlad. Bigger bonus is if Hat Kid's around, Danny has a little sister figure he can cause mischief with while giving Snatcher a headache. Or all three team up and prank everyone.

Sukuna Ryomen

Now you can say I'm insane for picking him. One of the Ultimate Evils from Jujustu Kaisen but hear me out.

Once again, we have a character closer to the ghostly spectrum specifically a Curse. Curses are a type of entity born from negative emotions such as: sorrow, angry, fear, etc.

Sukuna was once human before becoming the 4 armed, two faced, tattoo King of Curses. After a 1000 years, Sukuna at the moment is split into 20 fingers with Itadori Yuji as his vessel.

Encountering someone like Danny is definitely gonna grab Sukuna's attention. Danny's assortment of powers but also pun loving attitude in battle will drive him wild. Interest is there but just like Snatcher, it'll take time for a bond to form.

The jumpstart would be a friendship with Itadori which involves goofing off or training. And seeing a good look at Danny's personality, the times our ghost boy gets awfully quiet do the alarm bells ring. Think Sukuna would rather have a happy Danny than a depressed one.

Sukuna would be a huge ass tsundere about his growing bond with Danny before it hits him like: "Damn it, now I'm attached to this brat." Once again, the Ultimate Enemy episode will play a huge factor. Considering where he is, Sukuna definitely wouldn't want Danny to end up like him.

Also mentioning the Pariah Dark episodes, you can bet Sukuna would be impressed upon Danny practically being the King of the Ghost Zone due to the rules. Would Danny get a Domain Expansion similar to Sukuna if his powers adapt the King of Curses'?

Sparring matches would be a definite and Vlad would be so screwed if he did something to Danny. I'm pretty sure an angry four arm, four eyed, stomach mouth horror of a father figure be haunting the fruit loop might the perfect repellent.

Plus Danny has a Two in One deal! A father figure in Sukuna and a brother with Itadori! If Sukuna did get out, would he adopt Itadori under circumstances? 🤔

Also, I sorta had this peculiar idea now that I see we have two ghostly father figures. Can Danny's ghost form adapt from a paternal relationship with a ghost or supernatural entity? His power allows him to adapt against opponents and even copy specific abilities so why not his physical form too?(Looking at you Bitch Hartman.)

I can actually see Danny's form slightly shift or even evolve depending on the current bond. For Snatcher, he could have minor fire magic with a slightly shadow appearance, his hair be messy with violet tips or his suit becoming a cloak to mimic shadows.

And for Sukuna, his own tribal like tattoos, slits under his eyes that could become eyes, or even four arms too! His clothes could shift to something like hakama trousers, an obi or yutakata. Inherited powers being his own Domain Expansion and curse fire.

That's all I have on the topic! If you guys have a character suggestion to be Danny's father figure and how it would go, just reblog it here!

Until next time folks! Going Ghost!

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poorreputation · 5 years

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14X12 Meta: Prophet and Loss

Or, Nick is gross but is also an important mirror to... everyone.

Spoilers for 14X12 Prophet and Loss, and episodes prior.

A contribution to @metafest .

Thank you to @verobatto-angelxhunter for inviting me to be a guest this week!

In 14X12,-

-Nick goes back to the home his wife and child were murdered in, searching for something. A sudden chill fills the room, and he turns around, only to face the image of his wife, Sarah. But, he calls out Lucifer instead, convinced that the Archangel has returned to him in the same place they first met. Appalled he could say make this mistake, Sarah recoils, then begs Nick to reject Lucifer; only then can she be free.

Nick turns his back and leaves.

On its own, this scene, and Nick’s entire story-line, is just disturbing. The implication that Nick cares more for Lucifer than his own wife, that he just went on a bloody killing spree to get answers about, is gross. The fact that Buckleming don’t know how to pull off these scenes makes the whole side-plot feel tedious and unnecessarily cruel. But, I would argue that all of Nick’s actions so far have been to be a mirror for just about all the main characters on the show, but in the worst ways possible.

For example, in 7X15: Repo man-

-we meet Jesse, a man formerly possessed by a Demon. Years after being freed, he tries to reunite with said Demon because he enjoyed killing, and felt that a part of him was gone without said Demon, and even went so far to call him the love of his life. When the Demon takes a new meat-suit, though, they reveal Jesse was ready to carry on their dark work on his own. Jesse refuses this, and is killed by Dean shortly after.

Fun fact, 7X15 was written by Ben Edlund, and directed by Thomas J. Wright, the same director for 14X12. Bonus fun fact is that Sam had a series of Lucifer hallucinations during Repo Man. Okay, maybe not-so-fun...

The point of Jesse, wanting to be reunited with this Demon, is that it was one-sided. He was molded into the killer he had the potential to be, and then left in the dust. Fast forward to Nick, who wants to be reunited with Lucifer, and cares more for him than his own wife. Right here, we can already get a glimpse as to where Nick’s story will end.

But, the mirrors don’t stop there.

In 1X09: Home, Sam and Dean return to the house Mary died in, and find out it’s been taken over by a poltergeist. They also find the spirit of Mary, who’s bound to the location by the malevolent spirit. She ends up banishing the poltergeist, freeing herself in the process. Before this, earlier in the episode, Dean tries to get in touch with John, begging for his help on the case. John is revealed to actually be in town with the boys, but purposely avoided them, including missing the chance to see/free his wife.

Fast forward to 14X12, where Nick returns home only to find it is haunted by his dead wife. She is trapped, and is unable to free herself. Nick refuses to let Lucifer go, and abandons her. All of this is similar to John’s actions in Home, but so much darker and twisted.

And in just the previous episode, 14X11, Nick serves as a dark John mirror, hell-bent on finding the Demon responsible for killing his family. What’s important to note though, with the events of 14X12 in mind, is that Nick wants info from Abraxas, first and foremost. The Demon replies by telling Nick he is not a part of some grand plan, he was picked as a vessel because he was just there. I think Nick cared more about finding out why Lucifer picked him, and not why his wife and child were murdered. This is starkly different from John, who still lost himself after Mary’s murder, but never slaughtered innocent people for pleasure or self-gain.

From my own notes/meta for 14X11:

In the same episode Dean brings up a memory of John not handling Mary’s death well, Mary is confronted with a John mirror. (Nick)

(I swear I’m not implying Mary is gonna sock John in the face, this is just the only gif with Mary from this episode I could find. It is quite satisfying though, isn’t it?)

The clearest distinction between the two I can see is this: if given the option to prevent his wife’s death, John would agree in a heartbeat. Nick would hesitate and let things remain as they are, unable to imagine a life without Lucifer.

Now, let me grab my third mirror, and the first one we saw for S14, Sam.

Sam immediately connected with Nick in the premier; both had been possessed by Lucifer, and knew of his mind games and cruelty. Sam was also the one who was the most devastated to hear Nick had gone dark side. He says in 14X11 that Nick could’ve been him. Of course, in this moment, Nick is also serving as a Dean mirror, when Dean reminds Sam that they can’t save everyone, and sometimes you just need to let go of those who are beyond the brink. As he says this, Dean is planning to lock himself in a coffin and be buried at sea, all to prevent Michael from taking control.

This leads me to the unspoken Nick mirror of 14X01, Dean.

We start off the the premier with Dean gone for two weeks, possessed by Michael. We then meet Nick, who managed to survive being stabbed by the Archangel blade. He was clearly still very shaken after being freed, but his surviving Lucifer provided hope that the same might be done for Dean. Obviously not with the blade, as there were no other Archangels around, but that if Nick could come back in one piece mentally, so can Dean. However, if Nick should (and did) prove to be scrambled from his time as a vessel, then that would add a sense of dread to Dean’s own future.

Sam wanting to help Nick is not only Sam needing to believe things will get better for himself, but that Dean can be brought back home.

Another fun fact! 14X01 was also directed by Thomas J. Wright.

The final mirror I have to discuss is none other than Jack Kline.

Jack is told by person after person that his being a Nephilim, and the son of Satan, means he’s destined to be evil. And, yet, over the course of S13, he learns to be good, even in the face of defeat and crushing mistakes. By the S13 finale, he chooses Sam, Dean and Cas over Lucifer and his legacy.

Time and again, Nick is told that becoming Lucifer’s vessel did not mean he was special, though he tried to convince himself otherwise. Nick is also personally touched and entwined with Lucifer, but embraces his darkness. He tells Sam in 14X11 he doesn’t wish to be fixed, and shows no remorse for the people he has hurt. He is the antithesis of Jack in his wants and in his relationship to Lucifer. He is the darkest versions of the Winchesters, whereas Jack is a positive TFW mirror, and represents hope.

Jack is a mirror for Sam, who thought his blood made him bad, but still kept to the path of being good. Jack is a mirror for Dean and Castiel, showing he is more than a tool for his birth father to use. He and Nick are opposites, and yet mirrors for everyone else.

Aaaaaaand I’m exhausted. I’ve been wanting to write up this meta since the previous episode, but I’m glad I waited, because Prophet and Loss gave me so much more to work with.

I’m also very, very, VERY tired. But, this also felt very rewarding. It’s a bit difficult to go back and forth between other people’s posts, and the tagging system doesn’t always notify me, and I had felt a bit of Impostor Syndrome yesterday, or Friday, whatever, but I’m happy with this post, and really happy with this week’s Metafest!

Hopefully I gave some useful or unique insight with this post, and people can find all the extra stuff I undoubtedly missed! Like, seriously, there’s 299 episodes worth of canon to sift through, fucking hell it’s a miracle I remembered the S7 stuff at all.

Thanks for reading, and let me know what you think!

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unplacedpodcast · 6 years

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Chapter Seven: Resolute (Transcript)

Sorry for the delay! I meant to put it up on Monday but I’ve basically been sleeping all week because it’s been a Very Long Month. Here’s the transcript for episode seven (spoilers below, as per usual):

(audio recording start noise - Narrator sounds a little manic, on edge, not normal but not really despondent, just frantic and upset)

Those things are killing people, right? That’s the only logical conclusion. Right? I guess it could just be a freak incident, it could be a one time thing - do I want to wait and find out? Do I want…more people could die. Fuck! Why does this have to be my problem?!

(sigh) Because I don’t know if anyone else will make it their’s, I guess. I don’t know if anyone can - no wonder that woman ran away when she saw me, the one who could see me…if this is the stuff that happens in this invisible underworld. Maybe she knows better than to interact with anyone…or anything.

Of course, I also don’t know if making this my problem - if borrowing this trouble - if it’s gonna do anything. I - the last time I tried to take even one of those things on alone, it mauled me and my hand is still not the same, a month later. Am I going to make myself an invisible martyr that nobody’s even going to remember?

Are you a martyr if nobody remembers you? Probably not, right?

I digress. Not the point, not the point. I don’t know. I don’t even know if any of this is real. If it’s not real, what do I have to lose? If it’s not real, I’ve already lost it…literally. (bitter laugh)

If it is real…

Through all of this, I’ve just…I’ve assumed that something unexplainable is going on, that I’m not losing it, but at this point I don’t know. I don’t. I’m trying to continue working off of that assumption but it’s hard, you know? I didn’t realize how lonely I was until that woman looked at me and she saw me and her eyes didn’t slide over me like a boring department-store display.

If I’m that lonely - so much so that something as simple as someone looking at me makes me flip shit - who’s to say I’m not dithering to myself in a room somewhere? Or that I’m not hallucinating all of this? I don’t know any more. I don’t know what’s real and what’s not because all of this is so weird it shouldn’t be real, but it feels real and that - that makes it hard to think straight. When you genuinely don’t know what’s real and what’s not, it gives - it makes the ground you’re standing on unsteady.

It’s like - it’s like when you’ve been on a boat long enough that you get used to the tiny movements - and then you’re on land and you can’t tell whether something is actually moving or not, because it feels like everything should be moving.

That doesn’t even make sense. I’m babbling. Which is probably not a super convincing supporting argument to support the “no really, I promise I’m not barely clinging to reality by my fingernails” theory.

So, okay. When I was a kid, when I was…I don’t know, thirteen or fourteen? In middle school. I was friends with this girl who was really cruel. You know how kids are. Kids can be mean, and this girl - I don’t know why I wanted her to like me so much.

Anyways, me and this other girl, we were friends with the first girl, even though she was a hateful little brat. And my other friend - the not-mean girl, let’s call her Lucinda - was kind of odd. Not anything harmful, just a little different than everyone else. Dressed a little different, acted a little different, not quite in sync. And one time, the mean girl went off at Lucinda. She told her she was annoying, that nobody wanted to be around her or talk to her, that she didn’t have any friends…really ripped into her.

And I heard the whole thing - I don’t remember if I was standing right there or a few feet away at my locker - either way, I heard it, and I didn’t say anything, I stood there and I watched this mean girl who wasn’t even worth my time tear into Lucinda for things that weren’t her fault, that she had no control over, and I didn’t say anything.

We had class together afterwards. When she sat down at her desk, she’d clearly been crying, there was no hiding it from anyone and I knew, and I knew why, and I didn’t know what to say and I’d already been a coward when it was actually happening and I had nothing to do except give her this half-assed “I’m sorry” sort of smile.

I know I was only a kid, but ever since then, I’ve been trying not to be that person. I don’t want to be that person that watches someone else in pain and doesn’t do anything to help. I hate that I did that even once in my life. I hate that. I remember how that felt before and I still - I still wish I’d done something.

(long pause)

So yeah. I’m gonna do it. I’m going to do something. I don’t know what, I have nothing even close to resembling a plan right now and I don’t know how to get closer to having a plan. I’m still not entirely sure I’m not insane, but even if I am, I’m going to play by the rules of this wacky pocket universe I’m stuck in and I’m going to fight back.

(heavy sigh) Okay. Let’s go back to what we know. Again. The monsters are bad. Hematite hurts them, but not enough to - keep them from making their hosts commit suicide, I guess. Hematite also doesn’t hurt them enough to protect a dumbass who punches them with a fistful of it and keep said dumbass from getting their hand burned to shit.

That’s not a lot, but it’s not nothing. Why would hematite hurt them? What’s special about hematite?

It’s magnetic. Maybe they don’t like strong magnets. Okay, let’s try that.

(typing sound in background)

“magnet protection” … “NASA proposes a magnetic shield to protect Mars’ atmosphere” …not quite… “How a tiny magnet could produce a force field big enough to-“ …no… “EMF personal protection magnet” …really?!

(frustrated sigh) Magnetism might be the wrong tree to bark up. Although, who knows? Maybe the brain leeches have an electromagnetic field and hematite disrupts it. (snort) “Electromagnetic Brain Leeches” is the name of my Mindless Self Indulgence cover band.

What else? It’s probably not the red pigment, right? That doesn’t make any sense. Iron…hematite is iron ore, let’s see… “iron protection” gets me…the iron protection group? Probably not what I want. How about, “iron protection monster”…iron in folklore? Paranormal protection with iron and silver? This looks much more like barking up the right tree…

(reading)

“Iron is historically believed to repel, contain, or harm ghosts, fairies, witches, and other malevolent supernatural creatures. This belief continued into later superstitions in a number of forms, including nailing an iron horseshoe to a door to repel evil spirits, surrounding a cemetary with an iron fence to contain the souls of the dead, and burying an iron knife under the entrance to a home to keep witches from entering.”

Of course I wound up reading about witches and spirits. I mean, that’s only a hop, skip, and a jump away from psychics, and we’re already dealing with monsters, so why not? I suppose it’s better than space aliens.

Okay. It didn’t like hematite because that’s iron ore, and iron is apparently like a big ol’ can of RAID to evil spirits. I’m not sure that explains why the hematite didn’t entirely protect me - maybe because it’s not purified iron? Or maybe with these things, iron can hurt them, but isn’t enough to actually kill them.

And that’s what I need to do - I need to figure out how to kill these things, so they can’t hurt anyone else. That woman on the bridge - she looked…her eyes, they looked dead. There was someone in there, I saw it, I saw the spark when I called out to her, when I saw her and talked to her - I think she knew that I could see the monster, somehow. Maybe she saw me look at it when I was talking to her, saw my eyes flicker to that disgusting pulsing mass. When she realized I could see it…hope flared in her eyes. I saw a light there that wasn’t there a second before, I swear I did, but it wasn’t enough. She didn’t have any control any more, she was just…an empty husk.

I have to figure out how to stop these things before they do that to a person. If that means spending a few hours poking around badly designed sites about spirits and ghost-binding, then so be it.

Actually, wait a minute. Ghost-binding. Maybe that could come in handy? Which page did I see that on again? Let me find it…

(audio starts fading off as she’s talking to herself, “where did I see that at? I know I had it here a second ago…”, sound of mouse clicking, audio dings off, a few seconds later it dings on again)

I think I have a plan. Whether it’s going to work or not…that’s another story entirely. On the bright side, if it doesn’t work, I won’t have to have any more existential crises about my purpose as an invisible citizen existing in this weird-ass post-apocalyptic world of one.

Anyways. I’ve got to go get supplies. Talk to you soon.

(audio recording dings off)

#transcript #audio drama

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sadiebutdigital-blog · 5 years

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The Only Man To Travel Through Time - Part 1

THIS IS GOING TO HAVE MANY PARTS TO IT!! But I wrote it last year and I want to put it somewhere !! So here’s part one. Cool.

THE ONLY MAN TO TRAVEL THROUGH TIME

IT BEGINS WITH A MIRROR.

“I love you.” That doesn’t work. The somber face gazing back at me cannot speak those words with the correct frequency. Maybe it’s a pitch thing? I try it again, this time raising my octave a couple of notches. “I love you,” my face contorts strangely. There’s always been something girlish about me – but in a gawkey way. Not at all sophisticated, but more so resembling a turn of the century orphan girl, with knobby knees and scabbed elbows. Higher octaves most likely did not win her the dirt caked, cabbie hat wearing, little London newspaper boy of her dreams back then, so the probability was high that it would not work for me was either. I tried several more iterations of this phrase, some with an intended casual nature which could easily – and quite understandably - be construed as deep aggression ‘hey shithead, I want you to know that I could kick your ass, but it’d be an act of love.’ Others leaned more towards a strange Shakespearian version of myself, ‘Ev, I need you to know that when I see you.. my heart bleeds. This is called upon by the name love, of course, and it moves mountains in my mind, flowing down yellow brick roads all pointing towards your loving breath.’ I decided that since I could not even figure out how to spell ‘Shakespearean,’ that would not work either. This took place about a year ago. October. The twelfth, maybe? For me, once one month concludes itself, I tend to black it out entirely. It’s another completed episode in an ever progressing television show which is my life. Everybody’s life is a show. Every December, a group of disgruntled writers sit around a table in a blank room, and pass around ideas for each individual human’s story arc for the following year. They plot who will be entering and exiting, special cameos, deaths, relationships, they chart each song which a person will find through out the year, and make a soundtrack. I suppose that’s why I do not feel terrible about this recollection of events, beginning with practicing a stumbled declaration of love – as secretly written by my assigned team of writers, producers, and directors some time ago. Everything we do has a purpose, that’s the great secret of it all.

THIS IS THE PART WHERE THE MESSIAH DUSTS OFF HIS SPACE GOGGLES.

It is later that night, the very same one in which I was practicing announcing a fantastic love into my reflection. I am driving, Evan is in the passenger seat. We were belting out the words to an old song, one about seeing someone from across the room, and knowing that they were the other half to your lousy, uncompleted soul. Evan was always playfully competitive. Equally awkward and knobby as I, all while maintaining a sharply angled appeal, and deeply handsome with rich curiosity. He always seemed to have a distant look buried beneath his chipper spirit. As if he was on a consistent, and relatively secret quest for something more. That is why I call his competitive spirit playful, because it was never malevolent. He was on a mission to surpass himself, and those around him, by living life as full hearted, and spectacularly as possible. I remember feeling, and knowing, that this is why I loved him more than any other boy I had dated before. Evan used every force in his body to sing along to the radio. He decked out this performance with head-banging, pointed fingers, and occasional bouts of snickering. “Do you hear that riff? I’ve never noticed that before. My god it’s so subtle, I’ll go back to that part when the song finishes. It’s so dope dude, it’s gonna blow your fucking mind.” Evan fixed loose strands of unkept hair from the song and dance number as he grabbed his phone. I remember thinking in that moment that this would be our song forever, and that someday, when we were older than time itself, we’d still be singing it. A prolonged moment of silence followed instead, occupying the space where the song once played. “Is everything alright, dear?” I glanced at him slightly, to see where his energy had transferred itself over to. In Evan fashion, his full body was invested in what he was reading. His face was hovering in impossibly close proximity to the phone screen. You could practically hear his mind racing, storing in as much information as humanely permitted. “Yeah, excellent actually. There’s an update from the freaky time travel man. He’s writing about the imminent war.” “Imminent war?” “His words, not mine. Someone on the forum asked what the worst future atrocity is, judging from what he’s seen. He says that in the year 2030, there is a massive civil war – and while this country is weakened by it, other countries will decide to strike. It turns nuclear.” “The year 2030? That sounds like a fake year. I don’t even know what a year like that must be like.” “I mean, he is telling us what the year is like right now. In explicit detail, too.” The freaky time travel man. I apologize for not mentioning something this exciting earlier, but I felt it was best for any reader of mine to know about Evan first. You see, the time traveler is not a time traveler at all. At least, I never thought so. I never quite found out if Evan truly believed his tales, but I do know that he put practically all of his cognitive effort into deciphering this man’s messages. “You can’t believe everything a stranger is putting on the internet. There’s nothing reputable about this.” “Maybe you can’t wrap your head around it because you don’t live to see the nuclear part of the war – coming in 2030. You could be a soldier. We’re progressive now, there’s probably going to be an all female draft-” “An all female reboot of the civil war.” “Precisely.” Evan found the time travel man on an internet forum, dedicated to life hacks. This mysterious writer had started posting almost a year prior, and would update steadily no matter what day it was. He claimed to be a member of the military who, several years into the future, was chosen to take part in an experiment, dealing with advances in ‘intentional jumps from point to point on the human timeline spectrum.’ At first, everybody assumed that the anonymous poster was an elaborate hoax. It had to be someone entirely dedicated to curating this character. Except every question was answered, every off handed remark was explored, and pictures began to appear after some time. These pictures were never of the apparent anonymous voyager through time – but he did seem to like showing his technology. It was because of these pictures, which seemed to showcase undoubtably bizarre contraptions, that the author began to reach a prominent level of viral fame. Conspiracy theorists catapulted this account into the forefront of modern paranoia. Strange technology, a cryptic and mysterious writer, and unsettling predictions foretelling a grim future for humanity sparked a fire in the imaginations of many. The most devoted, with an unwavering fascination, was Evan. He read every single post as if it was the last thing he were to ever read on earth, with a devoted silence and intensity which was incredibly uncharacteristic for his naturally flowy demeanor. He set alerts on his phone for when the mystery poster would publish a new installment, and he often pondered his whereabouts and predictions aloud, whether in the car or on an arbitrary phone call from the office. The time traveler may or may not have been aware of it, but he had singlehandedly paved the way for excitement, wonder, and deeply rooted insecurities for people like Evan. And I loved Evan, so in turn I had to love this bizarre messiah too. The next step, I thought as I neared Evan’s apartment building, was to admit it to his face. It couldn’t be harder than venturing through time.

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