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bluewritinghood · 11 months

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Petals

Rusty never gets sick, like ever, so he’s surprised to say the least when he feels a burning tickling sensation building in his lungs. He sighs pops a coff drop in his mouth and chalks it up to the cold whether. Then it builds into a slight but nagging cough, that cough quickly enough becomes persistent.

“Hey Rus?” Danny says stopping him in the hallway on their way to play poker he doesn’t have to actually ask the question on his mind Rusty knows it’s about his coughing.

“Don’t know it just won’t go away.” He tells him.

“You don’t.” Danny says confused.

“Get sick?” Rusty finishes. “Yeah I know.”

“You think it’s the…” Danny says.

“Probably, it hasn’t gotten above thirty two degrees in over a week.” Rusty dismisses Danny’s concerns.

“But we’ve pulled jobs in whether colder than this and you never…” Danny points out.

“Yeah, I know.” Rusty sighs earning himself a few short coughs.

“Not to mention we’re not even working right now.” Danny continues.

“Maybe I’m allergic to downtime?” Rusty jokes.

“Hmm?” Danny says skeptically.

Rusty dissolves into a coughing fit one of the worst he’s had yet and has to hold onto Danny’s shoulder for support. When he can breathe again there’s three tiny petals in his palm.

Danny furrows his brow. “Are those…?”

“Marigold petals.” Rusty confirms.

“Your… in love?” Danny asks astonished.

“Apparently.” Rusty says grimly.

“And it’s unrequited?” Danny’s eyebrows very nearly meet his hairline.

“It would seem that way.” Rusty agrees.

“But you…” Danny trails off

Rusty looks hard at the petals in his hand “Don’t do love.”

“Exactly.” Danny looks thoughtful for a minute. “So who?”

“Marigolds are October.” Rusty says mentality going through everyone he knows with birthdays in October.

Danny gets there first. “Linus was born in the beginning of October.”

“Damn, it’s Linus isn’t it?” Rusty asks and it sounds more like a statement than a question.

“You have always been fond of him.” Danny says. “And you both are here for the month over the holidays.”

“You can’t tell him.” Rusty looks from the petals to Danny. “He won’t understand.”

“Give the kid some credit Rus.” Danny persuades.

“No. Even if he understands he doesn’t feel the same I watch him enough to know that.” Rusty says firmly. “I won’t put that pressure, that guilt on him.”

“You watch everyone and think you know what’s going on in their heads.” Danny says but Rusty cuts him off.

“That’s because I do people are open books. Worse than that actually their audiobooks at full volume.” Rusty says as though he��s stating a core fact of the universe.

“But Linus isn’t so simple, he’s not as easy to read as everyone else, you don’t always know what’s going on in his head Rusty. So maybe…” Danny suggests.

“He’s not.” Rusty cuts off Danny’s line of reasoning.

“Alright if you don’t want me to tell him I won’t.” Danny promises.

“Thank you.” Rusty says.

“You gonna be okay for poker?” Danny asks worriedly.

“Danny it’s literally a game centered around bluffing I’ll be fine.” Rusty dismisses him heading to where Linus is setting up the poker table forcing him to drop the subject.

“Hey.” Linus says sitting down in his chair. “Who’s dealing?”

“I’ll do it.” Danny offers motioning for Linus to hand him the deck.

Linus places the cards in his palm his attention drawn to Rusty who is persistently clearing his throat. “You okay Rusty?”

“Yeah, just a persistent tickle.” Rusty says pointing to his throat.

Linus stands up and disappears into the kitchen. “Where do you think he’s going?” Rusty asks as Danny shuffles the deck.

“I don’t know.” Danny shrugs as they hear the sounds of dishes being moved around in the kitchen.

“Awfully trusting with his cards though.” Rusty comments.

“He knows we won’t cheat him.” Danny pokes Rusty’s chest. “It’s one of the reasons you’re coughing up salad.”

Linus returns a few minutes later with a mug of something warm in his hands little wisps of steam rising from it, he hands the mug to Rusty. “Here, this’ll help with the tickle.”

Rusty takes a sip of the drink. “Lemon tea?”

“Good for your throat.” He says sitting down.

Linus worry continues to grow as Rusty’s coughing doesn’t subside instead worsening as they continue their poker game.

“Okay.” Linus says laying down his cards in the middle of the third hand. “This isn’t just some tickle in the throat is it?”

“I’m fine it’s just this cold weather.” Rusty protests.

Linus gives him a look that says he doesn’t believe a word coming out of his mouth. “Try again you’ve visited me In Chicago when it was minus four degrees outside and didn’t so much as clear your throat.”

“It’s probably just a cold.” Rusty dismisses.

Linus crosses his arms over his chest. “If it was that the tea would have helped not made it worse.”

Rusty sighs screwing his eyes shut and whispers. “It’s Hanahaki disease.”

“Hardly anyone gets that these days.” Linus says surprised. “Is it Isabel? I know you really loved her.”

Rusty shakes his head. “The breakup was mutual.”

Linus furrows his brow. “So they tuned you down?”

“Didn’t have to it’s obvious they don’t have feelings for me.” Rusty tells him.

“You haven’t even tried?” Linus asks astonished.

“No point.” Rusty says simply.

“Your just going to give up just like that?” He turns to Danny. “He’s kidding right?”

Danny shakes his head. “Afraid not.”

Looking at Danny he asks. “We’ve pulled off some of the craziest con’s I’ve ever seen surely between the three of us we can get some one to fall in love with Rusty.”

“It’s not happening Linus.” Rusty says firmly getting up and leaving the room.

“He’s got to be kidding.” Linus says throwing his hands up in the air.

“Linus I know it bothers you to see him like this but you’re going to have a tough time pulling a name out of him.” Danny tells him gently.

“He’s my friend Danny, you and him are my family. I can’t stand to see him suffer.” Linus whispers.

“He’s like family to you?” Danny asks with a crease between his eyebrows.

“Yes.” Linus says emphatically. “So help me help him.”

“I’m sorry Linus he’s my best friend and I have to respect his wishes and feelings on the matter.” Danny say standing up.

“His wishes are going to kill him.” Linus pleads.

Danny shakes his head and goes to find Rusty.

“Hey.” Danny says finding Rusty sitting in his room on the edge of the bed.

“What are you doing here?” Rusty asks.

“I’m sorry.” Danny says sitting down next to him.

“What did he say?” Rusty asks.

“He said your his family.” Danny tells him.

“So you see how pointless telling him would be?” Rusty asks.

“Yes.” Danny admits. “I do.”

Rusty dissolves into a coughing fit leaving him holding a handful of blood speckled marigold petals. “I love him so much it’s going to kill me.” Rusty whispers.

———

Linus didn’t give up he spent the next two weeks coming up with plans and begging Danny to do something, anything about what was happening to Rusty.

Most of his appeals had been to Danny trying to leave Rusty in peace with his worsening condition, he had gone from coughing up a few petals to coughing up whole marigolds which wasn’t doing anything to help Linus’s anxiety. So now Linus was taking his appeal to Rusty because he honestly wasn’t sure how long he had left.

“Rusty?” Linus asks knocking on the door to his room.

“Come in Linus.” Rusty’s voice sounds from the other side of the door.

“I need to talk to you.” Linus says sitting down on edge of the bed next to Rusty.

“There’s nothing you can do.” Rusty tells him.

“There has to be.” Linus chokes hot tears pricking at the corners of his eyes. “I can’t watch you die Rusty, I can’t loose you.”

“There’s nothing you can do.” Rusty repeats.

“Your really just going to lay down and die?.” Linus asks angrily.

“It’s my life.” Rusty counters.

“Your un fucking believable!” Linus finally breaks. “Your Rusty Ryan damn it! You always have a plan and you never just give up. I would sell my soul to Terry Benedict or the Devil himself if it would save you but you’re just going to do nothing when something as simple as words could save your life!?”

“Linus you don’t understand…” Rusty begins.

“No Rusty you listen I understand more than you could ever possibly know I’ve been in love with someone for so long and it’s been cutting away at my heart for a long time now so don’t you dare say I don’t understand.” Linus growls.

“You should tell them your a great person Linus they would be lucky to have you.” Rusty tells him leaning back on his pillows.

“Yeah well it’s you Rusty it always has been and you’re making me watch you die. I would rather see you with someone else than see you die but yet here you sit slowly dying because you refuse to tell someone you love them.” Linus half yells half sobs at him.

Rusty just stares at him for so long Linus asks him. “Are you okay?”

Rusty opens his mouth to say something but promptly shuts it again.

“I didn’t mean to upset you.” Linus lowers his voice back to his usual gentle tone. “I just can’t stand to see you hurting like this.”

“Your in love with me?” Rusty asks in an astonished voice.

“Yes, I don’t know how you couldn’t have seen it.” Linus whispers.

“You told Danny we’re your family.”

“And you are but family can mean a lot of things.” Linus explains.

“Linus..” Rusty is interrupted by Danny coming into the room.

“Hey Rus?” Danny starts but stops upon seeing Linus.

“Just try and think about what I said?” Linus pleads walking past Danny out of the room.

Rusty moves to go after him but Danny walks fully into the room shutting the door behind him. “How are you feeling?”

“Cured.” Rusty tells him.

Danny raises his eyebrows. “Mind saying that again?”

“Linus is in love with me.” Rusty tells him.

“Is that what?” Danny asks pointing over his shoulder with his thumb in the direction Linus had left.

“Yes.” Rusty answers.

“And does he know you are…?” Danny begins.

“No, you kinda walked in just as I was about to.” Rusty tells him.

“God the kid is going to give himself a panic attack. Go, go tell him.” Danny shoos Rusty towards the door of his room.

Rusty finds Linus just sitting in the kitchen staring at the wall.

“Can I talk to you?” Rusty asks pulling a seat over near Linus’s.

“Uh, yeah.” Linus sniffs wiping the back of his hand over his red rimmed eyes.

“You still want to know who this is all about?” Rusty asks.

“Yes.” Linus sits up straight.

Rusty takes one of Linus’s hands in his own and kisses the back of it. “You Linus, I’m in love with you.”

“I’m the reason you’ve been in all this pain?” Linus asks a tear slipping down his cheek.

Rusty wipes the tear away. “No, your the reason I’m healed. The reason I was in pain is because I was stubborn unwilling to say how I felt.” He cups Linus’s chin with the hand that’s not holding Linus’s. “And blind apparently.”

Linus laughs sniffing as he does so. “I wish you would have told me so much sooner.”

Rusty smiles. “Me too.”

Rusty leans forward gently kissing Linus lips and pulling him onto his lap, Linus straddles Rusty’s hips sitting on his lap kissing him back deeper.

They stay like that kissing in the kitchen until Danny walks in and yells into his cupped hands. “Get a room you two!”

The break apart laughing and Rusty drags Linus upstairs.

They were happy in each other’s company even if Rusty could never quite look at a marigold without clearing his throat, Which turned out to be especially fun when they got roped into a con involving an industrial sized greenhouse filled with marigolds, but that’s irrelevant the point is they lived as happily ever after as they could for a pair that thieves.

Ao3 link

#ao3 author #hanahaki #hanahaki disease #rusty ryan #linus caldwell #Rusty Ryan x Linus Caldwell #oceans eleven #danny ocean #fanfic #fandom #Disclaimer: I do not own Ocean’s eleven nor do I claim to #This transformative work has been created purely for entertainment purposes #. No profit is made or sought. No copyright infringement is intended #All publicly recognizable characters settings etc. are the property of their respective owners.#The original characters and plot are the property of the respective owners #I am in no way associated with the owners creators or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.#fluff #happy ending

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wolpertings · 4 months

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My thing is, im not going to watch stranger things season 5 for a miriad of reasons. I think the fandom is wonderful, and i will continue to engage with the incredible artists I've met.

However, i myself have become disillusioned with writing fanfic for the show. (I know i just wrote something a few weeks ago, youll notice its very barely stranger things fanfiction). I've been trying to write chapter 18 of change and its a struggle to keep in this world, and i so wish I wasnt because i think my greatest strength as a writer, character studies, are really good in it.

I will finish it, but i will not incorporate season 5 into it, so now i get to have a conversation of how rushed do i want this ending to be, because i obviously want to do my own fic justice, but i also dont have the same like for the show that i used to have.

#im working on a mash fanfic #and another oceans eleven fic #and im tentitivley bouncing around a Grimm tv fic #i love change #i think its some of my best work #i wish it wasnt so hard to write it anymore

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serendipity-writes · 2 years

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#fanfic #fanfiction #my writing #6 underground #ocean's eleven #ocean's 11 #treasure planet #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #dead poets society #stranger things #the old guard #merlin #bbc merlin #voltron #voltron legendary defender

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blossomwritesthings · 1 year

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𝐝𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐝? 𝐢𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞. | 𝐝𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬

pairing: minho x fem!reader (afab)

genre: veterinarian!minho (this includes a few of the skz members working in his clinic). client!reader. hurt/comfort. angst. fluff. smut - MDNI, 18+ only. reader pov. strangers to lovers au. slowburn romance. lots of pining.

content & warnings: explicit & strong language. very thematic elements. minho is reader's vet. reader's childhood cat suddenly gets diagnosed with cancer, and she has to make a big decision about what to do. this fanfic includes heavy topics like: pet euthanasia, extreme loss/grief, depression, the problems with pet healthcare, and more. there will be some humor/fluff placed throughout, and also smut somewhere along the way. :))

word count: 7.1k

summary: dr. lee minho is known throughout your area as the city's hottest veterinarian, and he's also the very man that's been taking good care of your two cats for the past three years. but one day, you're thrown down a dark path of heartache when the cat that you've grown up with - nyx - is diagnosed with an acute form of bone cancer. burdened with the hardest decision of your entire life, you come at a crossroads of what to do. and throughout it all, minho is the single most person who continually stays by your side.

a/n: i decided to split this fic up into like, 3-4 separate chapters, since i felt like having 20.k+ words for a single 'long oneshot' was kindaa excessive lmao 😂 anyways, i'm excited for the future of this little series and what it's gonna look like exploring the relationship between minho and y/n~ 😉 also, for anyone that noticed, YES- i changed my entire tumblr theme after like, 4 months of having it be rainbow haha, so you might not recognize me on your dash with my new look. but yeah, this is the 'new me' for the next few months... i was feeling super inspired to do a muted levanter theme, since it's one of my fav albums/songs from skz haha so here we are!! ☺️

🐈‍⬛ - ̥۪͙۪˚┊❛ other cool stuff ❜┊˚ ̥۪͙۪◌! ࿐ྂ

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋread my rules & guidelines here! ࿐ྂ

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. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋ skz fic recs [sfw ver]! ࿐ྂ

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋskz fic recs [nsfw ver]! :: 18+, MDNI! ࿐ྂ

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ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ʀᴇᴘᴏsᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴏᴛʜᴇʀ sɪᴛᴇs (ᴛʜɪs ɪɴᴄʟᴜᴅᴇs ᴛʀᴀɴsʟᴀᴛɪᴏɴs). ©ʙʟᴏssᴏᴍᴡʀɪᴛᴇsᴛʜɪɴɢs ⤐ ᴀʟʟ ʀɪɢʜᴛs ʀᴇsᴇʀᴠᴇᴅ

The clinic was incredibly busy as you stepped through the front doors. Looking around the medium-sized waiting room, you noticed how almost every single seat was taken up by a patient. Because apparently, the hot place to be on a Thursday morning was Starry Skies Veterinary Clinic.

You clutched on a little tighter to the carrier at your side, which held your cat Nyx just inside the bassinet. She was an American Shorthair, with a coat as black as midnight and big, ocean-blue eyes. Your parents had gifted you Nyx as a surprise for your sixth birthday, since you had been begging them for a cat all year long. And instantly, the two of you were inseparable. Nyx had been with you for almost every stage of your life - including grade/middle school, high school, and all of university. She was so incredibly affectionate towards everyone, but especially you. She loved curling up alongside you after you’d spent a long, hard day at work and would just cuddle into your skin for hours.

Nyx was your stability in everything - she was one of your only friends, even when you were surrounded by other adults your same age at work. And at the ripe age of twenty-four, you couldn’t imagine what your life would be like if she ever left your side.

But, you weren’t naive, or stupid.

And you knew that at some point, Nyx would have to move on from your world and onto a better, and brighter future.

Which is why you decided to adopt a female Bengal cat after you graduated from university. Taffy had a brilliant orange-and-brown coat with light green eyes. And because she was so much younger than Nyx, she had a lot more energy. But even still, the two cats got along quite well, despite their huge age gap. Taffy was the troublemaker out of the two and liked to get into mischief with all kinds of things.

You took great pride in both of them and the relationship that you had with your two kitties, which is why you regularly took them to the local veterinarian clinic for routine checkups. Usually, you visited every six months, just to make sure that Taffy and Nyx were in perfect health.

And it’s not like you were complaining about the visits to Starry Skies Veterinary Clinic. It was a beautiful and spacious place, with a friendly bunch of staff and an even better doctor.

Doctor Lee Minho had been the continual talk of the town since he had moved into the area three years before, and soon after he set up his practice - which was just a short walk from your quaint apartment - you started going to him for your cat’s regular check-ups. Dr. Lee was incredibly professional with all of his clients, and he had a true knack for animals… but especially, cats. That’s what he prided himself on - knowing the ins and outs of the feisty little beings... since he had three of his own. Some even said that he was a cat himself since he had similar mannerisms to the felines.

It also helped that he was insanely handsome.

Like, drop-dead gorgeous.

You weren’t a fool - you noticed how, every time you visited the clinic, most of the clients were women. And almost every time that you sat in the waiting room, you’d overhear women talking amongst themselves… about how they had dressed up for the occasion, and how Dr. Lee was way too cute for his good.

For the most part, all of the comments passed over your head.

After all, he was just a veterinarian. He wasn’t anything special…

He just took amazing care of the animals that visited his clinic.

And he seemed to adore your two cats.

And-

Perhaps he was kind of, sort of, attractive.

If a woman liked the silent, brooding, brown-haired types of guys- then yeah, he was fucking really hot.

But, you always tried to push those thoughts out of your mind each time they started to bubble up to the forefront of your mind. You didn’t want to ruin the professional doctor-client relationship that the two of you had been cultivating for over three years. He was an amazing veterinarian with a lot of skill and expertise, and you had a feeling that you taking advantage of your closeness with him, by forcing yourself onto him, would just turn him away.

After all, he was always professional and polite with you. Even if he seemed to give you a lot of smiles and laughs each time you had an appointment at the clinic. And even if he seemed overly affectionate with Nyx and Taffy. He was just doing his job, as that’s what was to be expected from a doctor like him.

And besides, a guy like him would never go for you. For starters, you had just recently found out that he was five years older than you, landing him at the mature age of twenty-nine. And older guys of that many years never went for you - never stooped that low. Plus, he was a successful doctor and a businessman with his clinic. Whereas you were a struggling woman who was fighting to make ends meet at her low-ranking corporate job. You sat in a small cubicle all day, typing away at a bright computer screen, and Dr. Lee sat in front of patients and animals, actually making a difference in others’ lives.

There was also the fact that you were borderline poor- since your job barely paid anything compared to the way that the economy was so expensive. You struggled to pay your bills monthly and lived from paycheck to paycheck. Meanwhile, Dr. Lee rolled up to the clinic in his dark-blue sports car and was always donned in all different kinds of designer dress shirts and slacks.

So, yeah, he’d never fall for you. Not in a million years.

“Y/N! Good to see you again!” You heard a bright voice call out to you, bringing you out of your daydreams of expensive cars and fancy clothes.

Your eyes flitted up to the person sitting behind the front check-in desk of the clinic. Chan, one of the two receptionists of the place, was looking up at you with a soft smile adorning his face.

“Oh- hi, Chan… I’m here for Nyx’s check-up.” You mimicked his smile, motioning with a tilt of your head to the carrier where Nyx was situated in.

You were on a first-name basis with the entire staff line of the clinic, as you had been visiting it for so many years. Everyone at the clinic was extremely nice, and all of the staff were Dr. Lee’s friends. Soon after you first visited the clinic, he told you about the story of how he had recruited some of his best friends to open the shop with him, and how the rest was history. Even still, you called everyone by their first name except for Dr. Lee - since you decided to keep it professional with him and always address him by his official title well into the beginning of your appointments at the clinic.

“Sure thing,” Chan began, tearing his gaze away from you and typing away at his computer. “I see here that Jisung jotted down your concerns for this visit’s file. Has anything changed since you called in a month ago?”

You moved your focus onto the carrier at your side, where you saw Nyx resting peacefully just inside it. She had long since gotten used to the clinic and was normally very calm whenever you visited the place. “Yeah, she’s been sleepier than usual, and like- she doesn’t want to eat the food that I’ve been giving her, even though I’ve changed the brand two times already.”

Chan’s eyes darted up to you, studying your face silently before they flitted over to the carrier that you had placed atop the counter at your side. “Okay, I’ll add all of that to the notes so that the doctor can take a look,” you noticed how his lips were pressed together in a grim line- like he didn’t like what you had just told him. “You can take a seat, and Yongbok will call you back when they’re ready for you guys.”

“Thanks, Chan,” you said, offering him a tiny, weak smile before you headed off to find one of the only available seats left in the waiting room. As soon as you got situated, you gingerly took Nyx out of her crate. She was warm and downy in your hands and purred quietly at the feel of you pressing her furry body against your chest. “It’s gonna be okay, girl, you’ll be alright…” You whispered to her, mouth nuzzling into her silky coat as you placed a gentle kiss against her head.

After you placed Nyx back in her crate, you spent the waiting time studying the people around you. Once again, it was mainly women’s faces that your eyes met as you scanned over the entire room. And there were all different types of pets everywhere, from dogs to cats to birds.

“Oh, and apparently, Jungmi’s friend saw him out on the streets late at night last week… like, all alone and stuff.” You heard the woman say beside you. She was sitting close to another woman, and their heads were bent at an angle as they gossiped together. “Some girl came out of this one cafe and was hanging all over him, but it didn't seem like he knew her that well.”

The other woman snorted lowly, “Well that bitch doesn’t matter, because I’m going to be sure to seduce him this time around. I mean, c’mon- who can resist this shirt?” At her insinuation, you realized that they were talking about Dr. Lee.

Even still, you felt the urge to peek over to your side and look at her attire, and when you did, you swallowed down the dryness in your throat. Because holy fuck- she looked like she was about to go to the club. Her shirt had a scoop neckline and was so low, more than half of her tits were hanging out of the loose fabric. It was tight and stretched over her bosom in an alluring kind of way, leaving little to the imagination.

Meanwhile, you were dressed in one of your old, baggy hoodies and a pair of loose-fitting denim jeans. Even though it was the beginning of spring, it was still quite chilly out early in the morning. And besides, you weren’t planning on going anywhere else after you visited the clinic, since you had taken the rest of the day off from work, so there was no use in dressing up. Not like you had any nice, sexy clothes like that to begin with, though.

In all actuality, you really couldn’t afford to take a day off of work. But, you felt like it was needed after the long week that you had had. After the long year you had had.

Suddenly feeling self-conscious while you sat next to Aphrodite herself, your fingers scrambled to yank down the arms of your hoodie as best as you could, trying to let the fabric swallow you up in your seat.

Just then, your name was called over the hustle and bustle of the waiting room, and you peered up to see a smiling Yongbok standing in the doorway that lead to the rest of the clinic - where the examining rooms were.

In a hurry, you scrambled to pick up your tote bag and hoisted Nyx in her carrier with one arm, following right behind the young vet tech as he lead you through the back rooms of the clinic. The hallway was buzzing with movement, as the other Tech’s, Seungmin and Hyunjin, helped vet assistant Changbin calm down a barking German Shepherd so that they could usher him onto a weighing station that was positioned in a corner of the hallway. Dr. Lee was nowhere to be found… yet.

“I haven’t seen you in a while,” Yongbok started, as he motioned to an examining room just off to the right side for you to walk in. You took a seat in the chair that was positioned next to the desk - where the doctor always sat. “Since Hyunjin is almost always the one who first greets you.” The younger man with light blonde hair and big, expressive eyes sighed in an exaggerated kind of way, which forced a quiet giggle out of you.

“He’s a good tech though… Taffy especially likes him, I think.” You started, your mind already trailing off to what your younger cat might be doing while being left home alone in your apartment. No doubt tearing into the bag of chips that you had accidentally left atop the kitchen counter.

“Mhm- how is she, by the way? I feel like you haven’t brought her in in a while,” Yongbok said, as he slipped on a pair of blue latex gloves. You dragged your eyes away from his form and instead concentrated on unzipping the carrier in your arms, slowly drawing out a lethargic Nyx.

“Taffy is good, just being her usual rambunctious self,” you laughed softly, shaking your head as the affection for your other cat took over your thoughts. “She’s definitely very different from my Nyx here, that’s for sure…”

Yongok wheeled his chair over to you then, gently taking your old cat from your hands and hoisting her up onto the examination table that was nearby. “I saw in the files that she’s been having problems with eating?” He started, voice growing serious as he began his study of your cat.

You nodded slowly, swallowing over the nervous lump that had begun to form in your throat as soon as he placed Nyx on the paper-lined table. You felt your heart beating wildly against your ribcage, and you watched in silence as Yongbok turned Nyx around to thoroughly examine her. “Yeah, and she hasn’t been wanting to play with Taffy either, even though she used to love to.”

“How long has this been going on?”

“About… four months now?”

Yongbok turned to you then, leveling you with a deep frown, “And you’re only bringing her in now?” His tone wasn’t accusatory, but was more on the perplexed side of things, as all of the staff at Starry Skies Veterinary Clinic knew how much you loved your cats and how you adored taking care of them.

You shifted uncomfortably in your seat, hating the way that he seemed to question why you hadn’t taken care of Nyx’s symptoms earlier. “I-I didn’t have the money for this appointment until just recently, so that’s why I'm only bringing her in now.”

Your gaze snagged on Yongbok’s face, and the way that it instantly melted at your confession... brows furrowing and mouth pressing into a velvety line. The entire clinic must’ve known about your financial situation by now - about how you could barely afford food for yourself, let alone the bills from the clinic - since more oftentimes than not, you’d ask for a grace period from paying for the visits.

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I wasn’t trying to insinuate that you’re in the wrong here,” he began, but his slight frown only seemed to deepen as he spoke the words, “It’s just that- these symptoms shouldn’t be ignored for that long.”

At that, your heart started beating frantically inside your chest. Your focus landed on Nyx, who was now resting atop the table, with her eyes closed peacefully. “W-What? What do you mean by that? Is something wrong-”

Yongbok reached over then, giving your shoulder a delicate pat. “I can’t confirm anything myself, but I’m going to take Nyx back to the X-Ray rooms to examine her better. Then, I’ll give the data to Dr. Lee and he can examine the diagnosis.” He gingerly scooped up Nyx into his arms, pressing her against his chest.

“O-Okay, but-” You began, but were soon cut off by the way that Yongbok gave you a slight, reassuring smile.

“Don’t worry about it, Y/N. I’m sure Nyx is just fine.” Is the last thing he said, before he was quickly filing out of the room with your cat in his hold, leaving you all alone.

And as soon as he shut the door closed, you were a nervous wreck. Your knees bounced up and down, hands turning clammy and breath falling out in shaky gasps as your mind raced a mile a minute with countless thoughts.

Would Nyx be okay?

Was she sick?

What was so wrong with her?

The wait time to see the doctor usually wasn’t that long, but this time - this time, it felt different.

It felt like each minute stretched out before you in an endless cycle, sending you down a deep and deeper spiral of anguish as you tried to wrack your brain around the entire situation.

When finally, there was a gentle knock on the door.

You had been holding your head in either of your hands, but upon hearing footsteps against the linoleum floors, you peered up to see Dr. Lee closing the door behind him. He was dressed in his usual garb - dress slacks, a simple white button-down, and his white doctor's coat.

Dr. Lee was silent, as he wheeled his chair over to you. And only then did you notice that Nyx was missing. That he wasn’t carrying her in his arms- like he usually did when he brought her back from the closed examination room.

And you knew the moment that he sat down, that something was wrong.

Because usually, when his eyes caught yours as he walked through the examining room’s door, his entire face would light up with one of those brilliant smiles that women gushed over. Usually, he’d be the first one to crack a stupid joke - whether it was something lame about the weather outside, or about the crazy animal that he just had an encounter with before seeing you.

But this time?

No, this time it was very different.

His proud shoulders were slumped low, cheekbones dark with shadows, and plump, red lips pressed together in a firm line.

He clenched and unclenched his jaw once,

twice,

three times.

Then, and only then, did his eyes meet yours.

And they said all you needed to know.

Just by the way that his dark, chestnut-brown pupils danced with a myriad of emotions; apprehension, fear, compassion, but most of all… sadness.

“What is it?”

The words flowed from your lips before you even knew what you were asking, and almost immediately, you were sitting up a little straighter in your chair.

Spine going rigid, fists growing tight at your sides.

Something swam, cool and deep, inside of you.

Chilling you to the bone, with tense unease.

In the depths of your mind, you felt the pinprick of ominous heartache prodding at the fleshy part of your soul.

The part that was weak and emotional and so very tender all of the time.

“I’m so sorry.”

Was the first thing Dr. Lee said.

You already felt the tears flowing, unbidden and unchecked, warming your suddenly freezing cheeks, at the sound of ‘sorry’ leaving his mouth. Because he had never said such a thing to you before. And you never, ever, wanted to hear it come from him again.

“What’s wrong?” You prodded again, limbs growing a little shaky in your anxiety. Breath hitching in your chest agonizingly, you could physically feel your heart pushing against your ribs.

Aching,

Burning,

Already seeping with hurt, even though you didn’t quite know what was wrong just yet.

Dr. Lee ran a rough hand up and down his face, sighing into his palm, shaking his head once. Then, his fingers were running through his black locks, tugging at the roots just a tiny bit.

Almost like, this crushed him just as much as it was about to pain you.

“It’s about Nyx.”

Swallowing over the huge lump forming in your throat proved very difficult at that moment, but somehow - by some miracle - you did it.

Your tongue felt heavy inside of your mouth- like it was made of hard metal.

For a few beats, you couldn’t manage to form the right words, but when you did, you already felt the stability seeping out of you. Like you were a hot air balloon that had been poked with a sharp needle, with the scalding air and sanity flooding from you in a single breath.

“I’m sorry, Miss. Y/N, I-”

“Just fucking say it, Dr. Lee!” You suddenly exclaimed, voice straining from your quiet sobs. The fat tears rolled down either of your cheeks, leaving angry wet trails in their wake.

He was silent after that, gaze running up and down the length of you slowly. Like you were one of his animals that he assessed daily - like he was testing out your strength and resolve.

Then, his eyes snapped back up to meet yours, and they melted into two puddles of grief.

“It seems as though Nyx is suffering from an acute form of bone cancer.”

And just like, your heart completely stopped.

Each breath you took felt garbled and all wrong.

Your shaky legs and arms wobbled all around you.

The floor crumbled underneath your feet,

Breaking, cracking, shattering irrevocably.

And in that moment, you wished for nothing more but for it to open up completely, and swallow you whole.

Please,

Oh, fuck, please-

Just swallow me already.

Because anything,

Anything,

Would be better than this newfound hell.

“No- no, you’re lying.” You said in a low, gravelly voice. You were clutching onto the arms of your chair, holding on for dear life. Like if you squeezed hard enough, you would be able to wake up and all of this would just fade away into a bad dream.

“Miss. Y/N, I’m so sorry but-” Dr. Lee started in a calm tone, but his face read everything but calm - as his brows wrinkled with concern and his brown eyes were alight with a certain kind of sadness.

“This is a bad dream, it has to be a bad dream,” you cut him off, violently shaking your head from side to side in your disbelief. If you just pinched yourself, maybe then you’d wake up from such a hell. So that’s exactly what you did.

Grabbing one of your arms, you frantically pinched at the skin there.

Again,

And again,

And again.

The tears blurred your vision so much that it was hard to see what was in front of you - hard to notice the angry red mark that started to bloom out across your flesh at your abuse.

Just then, two warm hands took hold of either of yours, fingers sliding between fingers, calloused palms squeezing your own.

The dark-haired figure was kneeling in front of you then, still holding onto your hands. Your heart felt like it was breaking over and over just beneath your ribcage. With each breath that you took, a new piece of it shattered off to swim in the blood flowing through your veins.

“Those symptoms that Nyx has been having are all signs of an acute form of bone cancer, Miss. Y/N. And, they will get worse,” the man said, his low, familiar voice running across your ears and nudging at a tender, warm spot deep inside of you.

“B-But she’ll get better, right? You can heal her, right, doctor?” You asked, throat straining from all of the tears. Through your hazy vision, you clutched a little harder at his hands.

There was a pause of silence on his end after that, which only made you feel worse.

When he finally spoke again, it felt like your world merely crumbled further and further. “Yongbok told me about your… situation, and why you didn’t bring her in earlier. But, because of the wait time, the cancer has developed into an acute case. The only options for helping her at this stage are- amputation and chemotherapy.”

It felt like someone took a bucket of ice-cold water and doused your entire form as soon as his words registered in your mind.

Because if you hadn’t waited so long to get it checked out,

If you hadn’t put it off because you didn’t have the money,

If you didn’t have such a low-paying, shitty job,

Then Nyx never would’ve gotten the cancer in the first place.

Instinctually, you ripped your hands out of Dr. Lee’s grasp. It was the first time you had ever had physical contact with him - and the feeling left you feeling both sick to your stomach and also sent anxious butterflies to erupt throughout your system.

“Oh fuck- it’s my fault,” you said in an incredulous tone, fingers digging into your scalp and tearing at your roots there. “If I hadn’t waited so long, she never would’ve gotten this and she wouldn’t be-”

You felt a heavy hand land atop one of your shoulders, nimble fingers pressing into your skin just slightly. Enough to help ground you back to reality. “I know it’s difficult right now, but I promise it’s going to be okay. You just have to take a few deep breaths and-”

“Where is she?” You asked in a low voice, having the sudden urge to hold your baby in your arms. Maybe, if she just felt you, she’d be healed… “Where is my Nyx, Dr. Lee?”

But you didn’t even wait for him to reply, as you tore away from his hold and hurried to the door, grabbing Nyx’s carrier on the way out. Faintly, you registered Dr. Lee calling out to you from behind, but you paid no mind to it and instead ran through the hallway just outside of the examination room.

“Nyx!” You called out, tone turning desperate. You raced down the hallway, sneakers hitting the concrete at your feet. “Nyx!” The tears clouded your vision, so it was hard to see where you going. But even still, you glimpsed Hyunjin coming out from a room in the back of the clinic, with a black mass of fur laying in his arms.

You cried out in relief at the sight of her, and in an instant, you were running forward and scooping her up and into your grasp. Pressing your face into her warm body, you cuddled her close.

“Y/N-” Hyunjin began, sympathy heavy in his tone. You felt his eyes travel across your face as you looked down at your sickly cat, with fat tears falling down your cheeks and a rapidly-beating heart.

“Let’s go home, my sweet girl…” You whispered so that only Nyx could hear you. And you couldn’t help but notice how light she felt in your arms - she hadn’t had much of an appetite in the last few months, and it pained you so much to know that you hadn’t realized it until it was too late.

Then you were turning away from Hyunjin, not even giving him any attention, as you rushed through the hallway and pressed onwards to the front desk area. Faintly, you could hear people calling out your name from somewhere in the back of the clinic.

But you couldn’t concentrate on any of that. All you could think of was your beautiful cat, who was peacefully sleeping in your arms. “Just a little bit longer, Nyx, we’re almost home…”

The rest of the week passed by in a blur of heartache and tears, as you battled with yourself and your mind to try and come to terms with what was happening.

With what you were going to lose.

It was hard to focus on anything else besides the impending doom that seemed to be right on your doorstep. You were slacking off at your work, which caused your boss to ream you out the next Monday morning. But you couldn’t help it - every time you tried to think about anything else besides Nyx, and losing her, the stormy feelings just came back tenfold.

You had found yourself holed up in your office’s bathroom stalls on more than one occasion already, and by the time it hit a week since you had visited the clinic, it felt like all of the tears had been completely drained from your body.

Every time you looked at her, you wanted to cry. You wanted to, but your body just wouldn't let you. So instead, you took to staying up late into the night and researching remedies to alleviate the pain of cancer - because truly, you hadn’t gotten a solid five hours of sleep since the diagnosis.

After two weeks, you had tried all of the solutions that you could find online - that ranged from implementing natural, whole foods into Nyx’s diet to rubbing lavender oil all over her limbs to try and soothe the pain from standing. Seeing her slowly start to deteriorate in front of your very eyes was possibly the worst part about it all - and how she’d whine and cry while walking around the house. Even Taffy could sense that something was wrong when her friend no longer had the energy to play with her anymore.

Throughout all of it, you avoided the phone calls. And they could be from only one ID - since you didn’t have any friends or family members who cared enough about you to call three times a day. Starry Skies Veterinary Clinic called you without fail, and they were adamant about getting in contact. No doubt Chan was on the other line the whole time, trying to talk some sense into you.

But you just couldn’t do it - couldn’t bring yourself to walk through those doors and face the dark road ahead that most-assuredly lead to death. Because you had already extensively researched the therapy for treating Nyx’s kind of cancer, and it was looking quite bleak. The procedures were so fucking expensive, it baffled you how anyone in their right mind could be able to afford such things.

Everything changed though, when on one Saturday night, you arrived home late from running errands and found Nyx sprawled out on your living room’s small, rickety couch. You scurried over to her side and shook her awake. But she wouldn’t open her eyes. And it seemed like she was hardly breathing. You called out to her again and again, startling Taffy of your presence.

When finally, Nyx awoke. After much pleading and crying, she opened her eyes lazily and stretched.

And so it was decided right then and there, that you’d go into the clinic that night.

You couldn’t afford to put it off any longer, and frankly, you had the feeling that Nyx couldn’t either. It was getting close to eight o’clock in the evening, and the clinic closed its doors for the weekend right at eight, so you made quick haste out of your dingy hell-hole-of-an-apartment.

When you arrived at Starry Skies Veterinary Clinic, the entire place was dark. You peeked through the windows and noticed the empty waiting room. “No, no- no…” You muttered to yourself, checking the time on your phone and reading that it was a little past eight.

You quickly looked around the street, noticing how most of the shops were already closed up for the weekend. Feeling the panic rising inside of you, you began to furiously knock on the glass door of the clinic. If someone was back there, maybe you could get ahold of Dr. Lee and-

“Miss. Y/N?” You heard a friendly, faint voice say from somewhere to your side. Turning around to the sound of it, you came face-to-face with Dr. Lee himself. He had his doctor’s coat off and was dressed in his usual work clothes of slacks and a dress shirt. “What are you-”

You pressed your hands against your chest, trying to calm your heart that was painfully beating against your ribcage. “Dr. Lee- please, it’s… it’s Nyx.”

His brown eyes flashed across the length of your form, the fading sunset coloring his skin in an orange and pink kind of glow. “Come inside, it’s too cold out to be standing around like this.” He said, already moving to unlock the front door of the clinic. After all, it was early spring and the nights tended to grow on the cooler side of things once the sun dipped below the horizon.

“Okay, thanks,” you whispered, following behind him as the two of you shifted through the clinic. Dr. Lee made his way over to a cluster of chairs in the corner of the waiting room.

“Please, sit.” He pointed to the nearest chair and waited for you to get situated before taking the seat just beside you. “So, tell me what’s going on.”

And suddenly, you realized the gravity of the situation. You realized that it was just the two of you - Dr. Lee and you - sitting inside the clinic, alone. There weren’t any other clients around, there wasn’t Chan or Jeongin, or Yongbok. And all at once, it felt rather… intimate.

You squirmed in your seat, your shaking hands beginning to play with the worn hemline of your oversized hoodie. Taking a deep breath, you gathered up all of your courage and leveled your gaze on the nearby front desk that was placed in the center of the large waiting room. “Well, I-I got home today from running some errands, and I found Nyx lying on my couch. But it didn’t seem like she was napping like she normally does… and she, she wouldn’t wake up. I kept trying and trying and-” Your words came out all rushed and garbled, as the tears began to crest over your eyes and you felt your cheeks heating with the flush of emotion.

“Hey- hey, it’s okay… don’t push yourself, yeah?” Dr. Lee’s smooth voice did something to the broken part inside of you - caused something to stir and yet settle at the same time. “That must’ve been a very scary experience for you, so it’s understandable that you would be shaken up about it.”

And just like that, the guilt piled on even higher.

Because Dr. Lee had always been incredibly nice to you and your cats. He had always been there for you guys, through the ups and downs of life, and you felt so horrible for ignoring the clinic’s calls. Because you knew that the team at Starry Skies Veterinary Clinic only wanted the very best for you and your cats… and especially, Dr. Lee.

“I’m so sorry for ignoring the clinic’s calls,” you suddenly blurted out, feeling the blush rise and pool in your ears at the feeling of Dr. Lee’s gaze landing on you - assessing your nervous state. Your thumbs continued to fiddle with the fabric at your waist, pulling and pulling. “I-I just didn’t know what to do, and I didn’t want to face the issue. But, I now realize how stupid that was- how stupid I’ve been about this whole thing-”

“Don’t ever say that again, Y/N. You’re not stupid, and Nyx having cancer isn’t your fault. This was something that was inevitable and nothing you could do was going to stop it.” Dr. Lee cut through your words. You tried to comprehend what he was saying, but instead, your brain was only repeating the same phrase over and over again.

Y/N,

Y/N-

Y/N.

He had used your name, without putting ‘miss’ before it. He had never done such a thing in the past. He had always kept things professional and addressed you by your proper title - just like you had done for him.

But all at once, you realized that perhaps you didn’t mind it at all. And perhaps, his dropping the honorifics wasn’t so bad.

“Still, I’m sorry for not answering the calls,” you said, shaking your head slowly in defeat. You were desperately trying to battle the furious blush that was slinking up your neck at the way that he had said your name. It sounded so perfect and beautiful on his tongue, like-

“I was the one making all of those calls, and I can assure you that I didn’t take your silence to heart. I understand what you’re going through right now because I’ve experienced something similar in the past with one of my passed cats.”

At that, your eyes tore away from the front desk and landed on Dr. Lee. Your gazes locked, and inside his chestnut-brown eyes, you found so many different emotions there… compassion and gentleness. There was a certain kind of faded light there, as you stared at him.

“I… I didn’t know. I just assumed that it was Chan or Jisung…”

Dr. Lee shrugged his proud shoulders nonchalantly, like him calling you three times a day to try and work out a treatment plan for Nyx wasn’t that big of a deal.

When in actuality,

No one in your entire life had ever tried so frantically to get ahold of you.

And the fact that it was him- behind the phone, waiting for you to pick up, hearing your voicemail click on every time the dial failed… just made you feel even worse.

“But that’s all in the past now, so don’t worry about it anymore,” Dr. Lee began, waving a hand in the air to seemingly try and clear your thoughts away. You watched in silence, then, as his hand slid away from his lap and hovered over yours. In a single beat, his fingers were threading through yours, palm against palm. And his hand was so incredibly warm and familiar. “Now, let’s instead focus on Nyx’s treatment, yeah? The sooner we can give her the help she needs, the better.”

For a few seconds, the thoughts of your dying childhood best friend had vanished from your mind and were instead replaced with the feeling of Dr. Lee’s hand holding yours and the way that his tongue formed your name, and the way he smelled - sitting so close to you - of warm chamomile and sweet cookies.

Immediately, at the mention of Nyx, you felt the tears prick at the corners of your eyes once more. “I-I don’t have the money.”

Silence filled the space around the two of you after that, and you felt Dr. Lee’s gaze studying your form, as you squeezed your eyes shut in embarrassment. “You mean for her treatment?”

“Y-Yeah… I, I don’t make that much. I can barely afford her and Taffy’s regular bills as it is. But, having to pay for the cancer treatment on top of everything else? I-I just don’t think I can manage that.”

You felt Dr. Lee shift in his seat beside you, making your eyes spring open as you watched the pained expression cast over his entire face. It darkened his cheekbones, shooting a look of pity through his eyes.

“The treatment is really expensive, I’m afraid.”

The hiccups started then, as the tears traced down your cheeks faster. Your entire body shook with the cries, “This is why I didn’t want to come here again… I didn’t want to hear the news that nothing else could be done except- except that.”

It was like the fucking jumbo-sized elephant in the room…

The fact that- the only other solution to Nyx’s cancer would be to put her down.

To euthanize her.

Gone, forever.

Just like that.

And even though you weren’t naïve enough to think that your cat would live forever, saying goodbye to her in such a way just felt downright… cruel, after everything that the two of you had been through together. But... what other choice did you have? It's not like anyone else was going to pay for the expensive treatment, and your insurance sure as hell didn't cover pet fees. And on top of all that, you couldn't expect Dr. Lee to drop his prices exponentially just for your specific case. That'd just be downright cruel to his other customers that paid the exact amount.

“I’m afraid you’re right,” Dr. Lee’s words cut through your stormy thoughts. A sharp pain coursed through your broken heart, as you were forced to come to terms with the problem at hand. “If you can’t afford the treatment, then the only other alternative is… euthanasia.”

You found yourself clutching onto his hand desperately, squeezing his fingers to death between yours, as you peered up at him through glassy eyes. “P-Please… just… just tell me you’ll do it. Because I-I don’t think I can handle it if-” Your voice seized in your chest at the thought of some stranger doing such a thing to your precious Nyx. It was already going to be extremely hard for you, but the thought of some other vet doing it just ripped your heart in two even more.

“We offer ethical euthanasia here, so, of course, I’ll do it,” Dr. Lee clutched a little harder on your hand, and the way that his warm, slender digits felt against yours did something to calm a rattling part inside of you. “Do you feel my hand? It is there, Y/N. And it will continue to be there throughout this entire process.”

The breath caught in your throat, forming a large lump there, as your eyes widened his way. Because there it was again, him calling you by your first name… with no ‘miss’ in front of it.

“T-Thank you… so much. I seriously don’t know what I’d do right now if it wasn’t for you and this wonderful clinic and all of the amazing staff here…” Your voice trailed off, as you felt the warmth of a flush creeping up into your cheeks.

“Yeah, well, that’s what we’re here for… to give as much support as we can to our clients.” Dr. Lee’s tone came out soft and quiet, it ghosted over the shell of your ear like an angel’s sweet whisper.

“I like it.”

You heard Dr. Lee take in a sharp breath at your disjointed words, but before he could ask the meaning behind them, you were talking again.

“You calling me by my first name, I mean… I like it, a lot, Dr. Lee.” Your eyes found him in the dim lighting of the room, and for a split second, you could’ve sworn that you saw… something flash deep in those chestnut-brown pupils.

But then all at once, it vanished, and he was giving you an easy smile, pearly white teeth on display. And pink, rosebud lips tugging up- wait, why were you thinking about his mouth?

“Me too,” he said in that delicate way of his, just as he squeezed your palm once more, “I really like it… Y/N.”

To be continued...

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glimmerlofsea · 8 days

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── .✦ BILLY HARGROVE MASTERLIST

#⪩⪨; Hello people! Welcome to the Masterlist of Billy Hagrove! What will be on this list is of course a list of fanfics that I have made and there is a summary listed under the title. My hope is of course that you like my work and can give good feedback! If you want to request, my box will be wide open for you! Thank you! Ah, and the theme I took was blue, since I think Billy is very synonymous with blue! I hope you guys agree with that idea¿ hihi >﹏<. Happy reading and once again welcome to my world!

I did It

#SUMMARY; Your guilt devours you in darkness, it all happened because of a stupid challenge that caused Billy to experience all the events that shouldn't have happened to him at Starcourt Mall. And you always convince yourself that it is entirely your fault.

Arms Of The Ocean

#SUMMARY; You and Billy used to be best friends, when he had to go to Hawkins you were of course sad and he was upset all the time, time passed quickly and you decided to visit him, but he didn't welcome you well.

Clumsy

#SUMMARY; This man, that man, they all want your body, you are always disappointed by men like that. You get drunk and find the right 'man' for you, but maybe you do some embarrassingly stupid things.

Please

#SUMMARY; All the events at Starcourt have destroyed you, you begged Billy to survive, not to mention the death of your father, your sadness is very deep, but there is still one precious person you still have to look after.

I'm On Your Side

#SUMMARY; Academic problems are not an important problem, but for you it is very important to maintain the dignity of women who are considered unable to do anything, especially since you are the only granddaughter in your family, you want to prove them, but your father has gone too far with his limits, and who do you think that a guy who is famous for being lazy, bad, is the one who is always by your side?

Nightmare

#SUMMARY; Since the Starcourt accident he always had nightmares, and you were always by his side, and that was what he always needed for his life.

Shining

#SUMMARY; You are an underachieving girl, you care about your grades, but you always fail, unlike your twin, Steve Harrington, who accepts his grades for what they are. And one day the party goes wrong, your twin enemy is there to protect you.

Tina's Sister

#SUMMARY; One year younger than Tina. You are really different from Tina, who is classified as a free girl who likes to party. You were sent to a girls' dormitory, so of course your attitude is different. But one day you have to face one of her friends who has handsome charm, or more precisely, he has to face your silly, childish, clingy and crybaby attitude.

Mind Is A Prison

#SUMMARY; You have abilities like your sister, Eleven. One day you have to face your old friend who made you commit some 'bad things', and who would have thought that you would also have the opportunity to find out the intermediary he used to communicate with you?

Spark Of Hate ( REQUEST )

#SUMMARY; Billy and you were always classed as students who had a spark of hatred, but they knew from the start that there was never such a thing as hatred. And one day you help him look for his younger sister, Max, that's where things start to unfold.

Phantom Love

#SUMMARY; Well, you're a ghost, he could see you clearly since the accident at starcourt, the more you got to know each other Billy started to see an opportunity, but you didn't.

#⪩⪨; Well, that's all for now! Don't worry, I'll update it as soon as I launch a new story! And remember, I'm open for requests, so don't hesitate to send me whatever's on your mind, I'll be happy to accept it! ^o^

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esta-elavaris · 6 months

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Part Twelve [2,590 words] ~ James Norrington/OC

An AU of my completed, 400k+ word fanfic Catch the Wind [AO3], in which Elizabeth, not James, is the one to discover Theodora Byrne after she crash-lands into the world of Pirates of the Caribbean.

Page breaks by cafekitsune.

Also now on AO3 and FF.net.

Masterpost - Part One - Part Two - Part Three - Part Four - Part Five - Part Six - Part Seven - Part Eight - Part Nine - Part Ten - Part Eleven - *Part Twelve* [you're here!]

Tag list [let me know if you want to be added!]: @missfronkensteen @teawithshakespeare @dancerinthestorm

"I have a surprise for you."

Norrington looked aghast at her words, and Theo grinned, laughing and quickly continuing before he could get up and sprint back to the Interceptor. Or maybe just directly into the ocean. Whatever he continued to be the swiftest form of escape.

"You can relax, it's not for you. But you had a pretty big hand in it, so I wanted you to be the first to see it."

"The necklace?"

It could never be said that he wasn't shrewd. Or that she didn't have a way or making things painfully obvious, she supposed.

"The necklace," she confirmed, sifting through her skirts until she found the pockets sewn within.

"Wouldn't I be the third to see it, then? Behind Turner and yourself?"

"If I knew that you were going to be like this about it, you'd have been the twentieth."

"The twenty-first would've been too insulting?"

"Had to save a spot for Amelia."

"I shall keep the rest of my comments to myself, so I'm not catapulted further still down the list."

"Mm – any more snark and I'd have to put you square behind taking it to the cells in Fort Charles to show the folk there before I let you see it."

"In which case I would have to give permission – which I would only bestow if you allowed me to see the necklace, as recompense."

"I bow down to a skilled tactician," she said drily.

Of course, her deadpan humoured was dulled a bit by the smile on her face, but she couldn't help it. Who could have ever thought that the inscrutable James Norrington would ever be willing to sit and chat nonsense with her – unbegrudgingly, and with a smile on his face? It beggared belief. And she enjoyed it more than she should.

"It's not an exact replica. They're not so much twins as sisters, but I kind of like that," she explained, drawing the little cloth pouch from her skirts. "It'd be a bit to twee if we were cutting about in matching jewellery."

"Cutting about?"

"Yes, yes, she speaks like a weird little commoner, we know this."

"I was not mocking you," he said simply.

He looked tempted to add something else and she waited patiently for him to do so, but when he finally did, she had the feeling it wasn't what he originally intended to say.

"Must I beg, if I wish to see this necklace?"

"Is that an offer?"

"No," came his emphatic response.

Theo laughed, unwrapping it and then dangling it by the chain before him. The pendant was around the same size as her own, and shone just as brightly, but with small curling designs running along the edges of the shape. Will had explained the reasoning for this – something to do with imperfections in the only silver he'd been able to squirrel away for use, and how this disguised them. But they were very pretty, so she'd hardly been inclined to complain in the first place.

He looked at the necklace – truly looked at it, rather than just fixing his eyes in its general direction for a polite amount of time before he went on to rattle off some sort of canned, polite compliment. The action made Theo more nervous than she let on. Sure, she'd borrowed some of Elizabeth's jewellery here and there for social gatherings, but he'd spent his whole life surrounded by the fashions and the ways of this time. If something was up with the necklace, he'd see it immediately.

Once upon a time, she would have expected him to therefore voice it immediately, too. But now she honestly couldn't say whether she'd expect that from him or not – for he was kinder than she'd first realised. Even if he probably wouldn't thank her for pointing it out.

"It's a fine piece," he said, holding it up to the light and nodding with approval that appeared perfectly sincere. "I'm sure Miss Swann will be ecstatic."

"I hope she will be. It's just such a relief to finally be able to do something nice for her," she admitted, accepting the necklace back.

He cleared his throat, perhaps uncomfortable with the sincere tone their conversation was taking, then he hesitated for a moment before he spoke.

"You must know that neither of the Swanns would hold any expectation in that regard."

"Of course I do. That just makes it worse. If they begrudged what they gave me, I'd feel less bad about it."

"Ireland must be a strange land indeed," he snorted.

Although there was something in his tone that suggested he knew exactly what she meant.

"No," she sighed, only half-joking. "Just me."

Thankfully, he chose that moment to steer them into less choppy, awkward waters.

"I'm curious. You're well-read, and you mentioned missing your books from home. What do you ordinarily read?"

Had she not been trying to rein in a very mortifying bout of emotions, she might've realised how that had the potential to be a dangerous question – given the time discrepancy.

"Whatever I can get my hands on. It depends on my mood. History…"

By that, she meant salacious autobiographies of her favourite musicians.

"…Philosophy…"

That one, at least, he could take at face value.

"…Horror," she added.

"Horror?" he frowned.

Well. It looked like that hadn't been invented yet. Great. Although she shouldn't have really been surprised, she supposed – what book invented it? He'd been pretty generous in describing her as well-read, but she wasn't an expert on literature, nor educated on it enough to know when certain genres began or how. She could guess that horror began as gothic literature and morphed a bit, and it did seem a bit early even for that. Although she wasn't sure what signs she could look for. Amelia stomping about the town in Demonia platforms and black lipstick? Annoyingly, she'd probably be able to pull it off.

Alas, she'd dug herself into this hole now – so she might as well start making it hospitable.

"Horror – stories of…of ghosts, and the supernatural, and of people who do terrible things."

"It hardly sounds like the stuff of recreational reading."

"It makes sense, once you dig into it."

"By all means, explain it to me."

From anybody else, it might've felt condescending. Hell, from him it would have been condescending only a few weeks ago. But instead, as he spoke, he watched her with open curiosity – with expectation. Not because he was waiting for her to make an absolute tit out of herself, but because he genuinely expected that what she was about to say might be interesting. From James Norrington, that was damn high praise.

"It…it provides a safe avenue to explore those feelings," she cringed at how new-age faux-intellectual that sounded, especially to someone who had actually fought in battles out at sea, and quickly continued. "For someone who's never experienced real fear, or real danger, if they get really engrossed in a story full of those things, they experience that fear. Obviously to a far, far lesser extent, but it's something. It's better than nothing. I'm not saying a book'll turn them into some grizzled war veteran-"

"Like myself?" he asked drily.

"You're not grizzled," she snorted. "Reading horror is just…microdosing danger."

"Microdosing danger?"

Was she hallucinating, or was that an amused smile on his face? One that wasn't even grudging? God, she was at risk of swooning.

"Yeah, like-"

"I can guess your meaning well enough, even if I've never heard the phrasing before."

"Look at us, bridging the language barrier. You've a promising career in diplomacy ahead of you."

"By God, I hope not. If you'd been paying attention, you would have seen that my skill lies in conflict."

"So does diplomacy, really."

"Diplomats cannot utilise cannons in their work."

"Maybe you could be the first."

He rolled his eyes and she couldn't help but laugh fondly, wrenching them back to the topic at hand. There was only so much of her nonsense that he'd willingly tolerate before he excused himself, and she enjoyed his company.

"There's something thrilling about it, too. Scaring yourself when there isn't anything real to be scared of. Monsters, evil, the like. It can be exciting."

"Spoken like one who has never encountered monsters, nor evil," he said flatly.

"You don't know what I've seen."

She meant the words to be teasing – referring to what she knew lay ahead, perhaps, or maybe just the sight of her dad's brothers-in-arms hungover on a Sunday morning. James didn't laugh, which wasn't that surprising, but nor did he roll his eyes. Instead, he looked…well, not quite stricken, but suddenly very solemn indeed, his mouth opening and closing wordlessly for a moment before he forced his lips together. Bowing his head, he cleared his throat and then looked back at her again, very much the solemn Captain Norrington.

"You are right – I do not. My apologies."

Theo blinked in surprise. She'd gotten fairly decent, although far from infallible, when it came to gauging her daft little jokes here, but Norrington's sincere and solemn response caught her off guard. Not least because he watched her keenly now. Was there something she should be saying?

"Er…don't worry about it. I was only being silly."

He continued looking at her for a few long moments, and she couldn't help but feel like whatever he'd wished for her to say, that hadn't been it.

Governor Swann was holding a dinner party that evening – for the seniormost men in Port Royal who were about to make sail. It was a tradition that the Governor himself had founded shortly after arriving in Port Royal, ensuring that the men about to leave at least got one good meal in, as well as a bit of entertaining company, before they went off to see to their duty. Ordinarily, it was something James merely endured. Yes, he often found he enjoyed the evenings more than he expected to, but that lack of expectation seldom had anything to do with the company he would find there.

He'd more than earned his reputation of being a man of duty. Whatever minor gripes he had with how they extended to whispers that he had no sense of humour, or that he could find no joy in anything but duty, he could roll his eyes and brush off such comments. Not least because of the small amount of truth in them – for on the nights before he was due to leave Port Royal, he simply had no desire to spend the last of his time making small-talk in drawing rooms. No, he would much prefer to instead spend it making sure that everything was in order, including his thoughts, before he left.

This voyage would require no extensive preparations. It was more of a patrol than a real mission. A short journey through the surrounding waters, aimed at both ensuring those waters were safe, maintaining a tangible presence for any foul eyes who may be watching with malintent, and to stop their wits from dulling during extensive time inland.

Still, James found himself disgruntled at what lay ahead…and all because of a conversation he'd had with Governor Swann himself, that morning as they walked the battlements of Fort Charles.

"Elizabeth is ecstatic at the prospect of tonight – it's her first chance to show off her gift from Miss Byrne. I don't suppose you've seen it?"

"No," he lied. "I have not. What is it?"

If he told the truth of the matter, there ran a real risk of credit being attributed to him, and not Miss Byrne. He had no risk to detract from her victory. Not when he'd seen how jubilant it made her.

"A necklace – a pretty little trinket, to be sure. It won't be featured next to the Crown Jewels any time soon, but the sentimental value behind the piece far outshines those in the eyes of my daughter."

James chuckled. "I'm sure it does."

"Truth be told, I was worried about the influence our guest may have on her, but I've discovered those worries were all for naught. Miss Byrne has certainly brightened up her days considerably. Thick as thieves, those two."

"Good. I'm glad."

Worryingly, he found he even meant that. Mostly.

"You never know, perhaps Miss Byrne will find herself a suitor during one such evening as tonight."

Stilling, James blinked and looked up at the Governor. "A suitor?"

"Come, Captain," the Governor chuckled, misunderstanding his shock. "She has her eccentricities, but she's fair. Some may even profess to find her charming, in her way. If we cannot find her father, and if he does not find us, or if he cannot find us, God help him, we must…look to the future. She could do far worse for herself than a strapping young lieutenant. Although, I grant you, it would have to be one with good humour."

There were only two lieutenants who came to mind at all, and the latter part of Governor Swann's statement firmly ruled out Gillette from the running. Although he had to admit, it would make a good show to see Gillette trying to woo a woman such as Theodora Byrne. But Groves? The notion of Groves doing so filled him with less humour. And how could it not, he reasoned? They knew nothing of her background, nor how that background may impact whether she was eligible at all. That was the source of his discomfort. Nothing more.

The memory of the conversation had James' lips thinning. Hopefully Governor Swann had less of a stomach for matchmaking than his daughter did.

Ordinarily, this turn of events would have been a great help. Elizabeth could no longer fill her mind with misguided notions regarding himself and Theodora if Miss Byrne was occupied with the attentions of Groves, that much was true. It would have been an exceedingly neat little solution. One, he was sure, he would have personally encouraged – were it not for the extraneous factors.

And as for those extraneous factors, he was certain – truly certain – that he was getting somewhere. You don't know what I've seen. When they'd first met, she never would have admitted such a thing aloud to him. This camaraderie that had grown between them, that very same camaraderie that surprised him in how little he had to feign or resort to pretence in order to achieve it, and worried him in how natural and easy it felt, was working.

Was it wrong for him to find happiness in that? More than the mere satisfaction in achieving an important aim, but the true pleasure in having gained the confidence of a woman – a person – who had shown themselves to be truly decent, whatever her secrets? For he was good at sniffing out artifice and foul intentions, and while Theodora had some of the former about her, she had none of the latter. Today, he'd almost even slipped up and admitted that he liked her strange little idioms and turn of phrase, but he held himseld back. Thankfully. For that could very well be misread, and spook her. And when she did finally confide in him, as he was growing more and more hopeful that she would, he would in turn finally be able to help her.

The notion of Groves swooping in and courting her was just that. A mere notion. A passing possibility planted in his mind by an errant comment of Governor Swann's – a fleeting comment he probably now had no recollection of making, for it meant so little. It was not set in stone, and it only bothered James personally because he might undo the progress he was making here. That was all.

Yes. That was all.

#catch the wind #ctw #james/theodora #fallen through time esta-elavaris #ftt #james norrington/oc #james norrington x oc #pirates of the caribbean fanfiction #pirates of the caribbean fanfic #potcfic #james norrington fanfiction #james norrington fanfic

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blackacre13 · 2 years

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Okay so can you do “Oh no! There’s only one bed!” Please 😉😘😜

Part one is here; Here's part two:

“Debbie,” the brunette sighed, offering out her hand. “You must be Lou.”

“I thought I heard some commotion down the hallway,” Lou grinned, blowing a bubble and letting it pop, Debbie’s eyes darting around as they tried to follow the popped bubble back inside Lou’s lips, momentarily distracted until she snapped to, Lou looking at her with a wicked grin.

“Yeah,” Debbie blushed, looking down. “I—uh, I thought we should’ve each had our own room. Was trying to mull it over with Danny.”

“The other guys are two to a room,” Lou shrugged, her eyes flashing, practically challenging Debbie like she was daring her to spill her darkest secrets. Usually, this would have Debbie rolling her eyes, but now, she was actually considering it.

“Right, but I think there’s…”

“More than one bed?” Lou grinned, snapping her gum again as her eyes twinkled.

“Yeah,” Debbie mumbled, biting at her lip. “More than one bed.”

“Seems we have ourselves a predicament then, don’t we?” The blonde asked, raising an eyebrow, Debbie suddenly hyperaware of the speed of her heart, the rhythm seeming erratic.

“One of us could sleep on the floor?” Debbie suggested, hoping that Lou would take the hint and accept her term of offers or at least come up with a reasonable alternative, but that didn’t seem to be how this was going to play out as Lou cocked her head to the side, studying Debbie without shame, stormy blue eyes calculating as she snapped at her gum sharply, making Debbie’s chest jump again.

“One of us could,” Lou finally agreed, her voice dropping lower as the sentence dripped from her tongue like honey in a way that made Debbie’s stomach twist.

Debbie was already mad enough, and no matter how attractive this stranger was, or the fact that she would have to work with her tomorrow, was not enough of a reason to have her lay on the floor of this hotel. Elegant casino or not, lord only knew what happened on the carpets of Vegas and she wasn’t putting her mouth or nose anywhere near that. She was ready to hear the other half of Lou’s sentence, feeling her eyes still on her, waiting for the inevitable argument that since Lou had laid out her cakes, muddy combat boots first, the bed should be hers too, and Debbie was prepared to argue that for the exact same reasons, the blonde could take the carpet for the night, dirt boot and all. In fact—

“It’d be a shame though,” Lou sighed dramatically flopping down on the edge of the bed, Debbie trying to remember how to breathe as the blonde’s cleavage spilled forward, threatening to fall over the bustier completely as she spread her arms wide along the comforter, practically making snow angels in the sheets. “I hear I’m great in bed.”

Debbie let out a loud scoff before her brain could come up with any semblance of an answer. Where in the hell did this woman have the audacity to…

“As in, I’m respectful,” Lou rolled her eyes sitting up. “And always respect a woman’s wishes and boundaries. Though I must say, I’m an exceptional cuddler.”

“I don’t cuddle,” Debbie sniffed, practically seething over something so mundane and downright stupid she wanted to scream. She was also using all of her willpower not to fling herself onto the blonde’s lap and lean in close to her, the sudden urge to kiss along her neck and tangle her fingers in her hair and…

“Sure you do,” Lou winked, crossing her legs. “You’ve got little spoon written all over you.”

“I am not a little spoon,” Debbie hissed, crossing her arms in a way that did more to undermine her point than make it as Lou grinned at her, somehow managing to look down at her as Debbie shrank before her, despite the fact that their positions were reversed.

“Sure,” Lou repeated, nodding along. “And I’m not a thief.”

“I’ll just take the floor,” Debbie huffed, marching towards one side of the bed and messily snatching two of the pillows from the side, stubbornly trying to drag the top sheet out from the bed as Lou watched her, smirking as the sheet refused to budge from under the blonde’s ass. And Lou didn’t look as if she was going to move an inch as she watched Debbie. “Can I at least have the sheet to lay on the ground of this roach motel?”

“We’re in a Vegas resort,” Lou laughed for a moment before her eyes flickered to the bedspread with a sudden look of disgust before her eyes bounced back to Debbie’s. “Actually, you’re right. If whatever happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas, I sure as Fuck don’t want to sleep on the floor of it. Come on. We’ll just share the bed. It’s for two nights. It’s not a big deal.”

“Or you could sleep in the bathtub,” Debbie smirked, throwing the pillows back on the bed triumphantly.

“With these legs?” The blonde chuckled, shaking her head. “I don’t think so, honey. I’ll be on my best behavior. Promise. Pick a side, princess.”

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eirianerisdar · 2 months

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for the ask game… E and M for icarus?

Thanks for the ask!

E: If you wrote a sequel to Icarus, what would it be about?

Aside from the extras and outtake chapters I'll be tagging on to the end of the fic after Icarus properly finishes in three to four chapters' time, I think I'll revisit the AU if anything IRL happens that I want to expand on. I definitely want to cover Carlos and Charles' last race as teammates and maybe some of Daniel this year, depending how it goes. A lot will depend on where drivers go and how silly season progresses. And oh! I'll definitely do a extras chapter about Lando visiting Daniel at his farm for the first time over the winter break.

M: Got any premises on the back burner that you’d care to share?

I have two shorter 3-4 chapter natural disaster survival fics I think I could zip out at any moment after the bulk of Icarus is finished. One is a Charlos Ski-based AU where they go training off-piste and get separated from the others in a massive blizzard then avalanche. There's a lot of good hurt/comfort but it's about them having a heart-to-heart and each trying to save the other over themselves. The second is a Brocedes desert island one where they just so happen to be on the same lavish billionaire FIA sponsor's yacht when it goes down in rough seas. Lifeboat, desert island, survival. They can't avoid each other and all their emotional baggage anymore when it's just the two of them trying to survive. I've also been toying with the idea of an Ocean's Eleven AU for a while, but I'm still in the process of hammering out who is assigned to which role. This would be a fun one for an ensemble cast.

Send me fanfic asks!

#xoxo #anon #replies #writing #f1 #f1 fanfic #my post

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wyrd-syster · 5 months

Text

FANFIC ROUNDUP: 2023

LIST OF FANWORKS

POSTED

lend me some sugar (I am your neighbor) | Haladriel neighbors AU | E | 2/2

tell me something true (or tell me nothing at all) | Haladriel "This is How You Lose the Time War" AU | E | one-shot

it's a dangerous game | Haladriel Venetian-style "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde" AU | E | one-shot | dead dove

dig up the bones (but leave the soul alone) | Haladriel canon divergence | E | 9/? (wip)

living la dolce vita (I’ve been saving all my summers for you) | Haladriel "Stepford Wives" cult AU | E | one-shot

take a chance and roll the dice (say it once, say it twice) | Haladriel Halloween-themed drabble collection | M | 8/8

there is a light (and it never goes out) | Haladriel Hanukkah-themed canon divergence | T | 1/2 (wip)

sugar and spice (and everything...) | Haladriel neighbors AU | E | sequel to lend me some sugar | one-shot

Total words: 127,458, almost triple my output from last year. I am flabbergasted.

UNPOSTED WIPS

oh boy. Not including wips noted above:

we were angels, once (don't you remember?) | Haladriel immortal soulmates au | M (probably?) | one-shot

break the lock if it don't fit (love sticks, sweat drips) | Haladriel "Ocean's Eleven" AU | E | one-shot (title subject to change)

and on the creature scratches (it doesn't know how to get out) | Haladriel mob AU | E| multi-chapter sequel to oh, can’t you hear that scratching? (there’s something at the door)

Untitled third installment of the Haladriel like a good neighbor series

Untitled Haladriel Rumpelstiltskin AU

TOTAL # OF COMPLETED WORKS/FANDOMS WRITTEN IN

Six completed works written for the Sauron (Halbrand)/Galadriel (Haladriel) fandom, The Rings of Power

OVERALL THOUGHTS

it's like I can't consume media anymore without being like "*leonardo dicaprio meme* this could be a Haladriel AU!"

PERSONAL FAVORITE?

I'm going to say living la dolce vita (I’ve been saving all my summers for you), mostly because of the amount of work I put into it. Honestly, I never thought I'd finish it! I restarted this story six or seven times — I just could not find the voice. But I am so pleased with the outcome. I think of everything I've written this year, this story really underscored to me that, beyond "flashes of inspiration," writing is a lot of hard work that needs consistent attention and practice!

MOST UNDERAPPRECIATED?

I definitely think this one is it's a dangerous game, my Dr. Jekyll and Hyde AU. I initially started writing this for a Gothic-themed challenge, abandoned for a bit, then finished in a flurry for Haladriel Week. This fic is also a close second for my favorite of the year. I love a Gothic aesthetic and I made sure this story was chock full of it. I was also so purposeful with my writing voice for this story and, to me, it doesn't sound like anything else I've written.

MOST POPULAR?

Oh without a doubt, lend me some sugar (I am your neighbor)!

STORY WITH THE SEXIEST MOMENT?

I mean, this is so subjective, but I think the somnophilia scene from it's a dangerous game takes the cake for me! I wrote it in one sitting during my lunch break and my god was it hard to go back to work after this...

An excerpt from the end of the scene: Instead, he adjusts her skirts and melts into the darkness, leaving her as he found her; boneless and wet, flushed with heat and ripe for the taking.

MOST FUN STORY TO WRITE?

Fun is a strong word, but I was the story I felt was most fulfilling to write was tell me something true (or tell me nothing at all). I already had some of the template letter concepts in my notes from a twitter conversation much earlier in the year, and expanding on them, while building the scenes around them, was a really fun exercise.

HARDEST?

I'm not going to lie, most of them! I used to be the type of writer who would have one flash of inspiration, write it up at a mad sprint, then quit writing until I was struck with another mad idea. I wrote for so many prompt and themed challenges this year that I was required to be more intentional about story building and more consistent with my writing — even when it was hard, even when I hated everything I wrote down. Felt a lot like muscle training at the gym!

BIGGEST SURPRISE?

My output really surprised me!! I complain to my therapist all the time that I'm shit at finishing things, but it's hard to deny the truth when it's staring me in the face: six complete stories, two wips that I will complete! And not just the quantity of my output, but the quality too. I am proud of, and really like, everything I published!

I mean, don't ask me how my social life is going lol, but at least my writing life is going well!

DID YOU TAKE ANY RISKS IN WRITING THIS YEAR?

Dipping my toe into Dark Fics for sure, which is new for me. But beyond that, just engaging with the fandom as a whole! I firmly believe that writing/story-telling is a communal activity and I am beyond grateful to have found that community. It's the first real fan-space I've been a real part of, and it's definitely improved my writing.

MOST UNINTENTIONALLY TELLING STORY?

My life is too boring to translate to fic lol. But I did not have to dig very deep to write the depression beats in living la dolce vita (I’ve been saving all my summers for you). A lot of what Galadriel goes through — the listlessness, the anger, the selfishness — is stuff I also struggle with during depressive episodes.

FAVORITE LINES/SCENES?

I like them all lol but these are a few that I know others, including my fiancé, have really liked:

dig up the bones (but leave the soul alone): “My lady, if I had a dragon’s tooth for every time you told me not to worry while you went careening off into peril, I’d have a smiling crown for my troubles.”

lend me some sugar (I am your neighbor): And she shatters, then, like glass; a thousand glittering pieces sailing off into the light. Irreparably damaged, ground to dust — edges sharpening as they fall into a mosaic of destruction. There is no end and no beginning. A lifetime of little deaths folding in on themselves, one on top of the other.

tell me something true (or tell me nothing at all): I am drowning in this ocean of blood. And you — you are not here to pull me to the surface as you once did. How could you, when you are wave and anchor both?

there is a light (and it never goes out): She can offer him no words of comfort, no platitudes to ease his sorrows. But she can offer this. The soft touch of her lips to his, the gentle stroke of her fingers across his cheek. She cannot mend a broken heart, but she can hold it for a while, cup it in her palms and keep it safe. She can pour her light into his darkened soul, weave together a dream where they are bound and they are whole. If only just this once.

MY FAVE PART OF FANDOM IN 2023

Literally just having this fandom. Having this community of wonderful, kind, incredibly talented people I can talk to, get advice from, brainstorm with!! I have made so many wonderful friends and I will be forever grateful.

2024 WRITING AMBITIONS

I want to continue developing a consistent writing habit, preferably once a day. Ideally, I'll become to type of girlie who wakes up at 5am and writes for two hours before work, but let's be real, I'm way to sleepy for that!

I also want to focus on two specific things: writing faster and writing less. First, I am, in my eyes, a slow writer — without that "flash of inspiration," it can take me a few days to write a single scene. Mostly because I do not follow my own advice and have to get everything perfect in the first draft. Second — as you can see from this post!!! — I have always been the type of writer who goes "why use one word when you can use ten?" I want to be able to write shorter stories without feeling like I'm compromising on my vision.

2024 FICS ON THE IMMEDIATE HORIZON

chapter two of there is a light (and it never goes out)

the immortal soulmates AU

dig up the bones (but leave the soul alone)* (which I think will be on hiatus until I can get a few chapters ahead before posting).

Thanks to @liminal-zone for the format, @conundrumoftime and @thecoziestbean inspiration!

#fanfiction #personal #2023 wrap-up

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insomniacdreammerbb · 11 months

Text

Synopsis: a slow burn love story of my favorite chaotic mess of a man Dieter Brave and F!reader. 18+ eventually, minors dni

Trigger warnings: mentions of drugs, death, death by overdose, domestic abuse. Eventually smut.

Authors Note: I haven't written in years, but I have fallen down the rabbit hole of so many talented writers here on tumblr with Pedro Pascal character fanfics. I’m a sucker for a good slow burn, smutty, fluffy love story. Goal is to keep it around or under ten chapters. Any feedback would be appreciated! Also I’m new to tumblr and don’t really know how to use the platform so any advice on that would be nice too.

Chapter One

You cringe when your phone rang for the fourth time today. This is what it was like when Dieter had nothing to do. He’d constantly be blowing up your phone asking you where you put the sex toys that he’d ordered, what's next on his schedule for press or shoots or sometimes it’d be even something more ridiculous like if you believed that Octopuses were really aliens that landed on earth from a meteor. He’d be like this whenever he didn’t have someone to keep him company or in between projects.

“Yes boss?” You answered as you placed your iphone on speaker as you continued typing away at your MacBook finishing up Deiter’s reservation at a resort up in Canada for a project next year.

“What am I doing this weekend?” Dieter asks not bothering to greet you first, this was normal.

You clocked on the calendar on your MacBook, “You have a podcast with Stephen from Vanity Fair Saturday morning at eleven. Other than that your day is free.”

“Hey set me up a reservation for the Marriott in the Marina,” Dieter began barking, “and book two seats for the sunset cruise and dinner on the bay.”

You opened up google typing in the resort, you were used to Dieter giving you demands like this.

“Two seats?” You questioned him and you clicked book now, “who are you going with?”

“A friend,” Dieter replied sheepishly.

“A friend?” You repeated with a raised eyebrow, “Who is it? I’m gonna have to put her name on the second seat for the cruise so you’re gonna have to tell me anyways.”

Dieter was quiet for a moment, “Lola.”

“You gotta be kidding me,” You said, rolling your eyes, “her again?”

“What she’s hot,” Dieter responded, you could practically see her pouty puppy dog eyes he had as he spoke, “and her and her ex just broke up.”

“Again?”

“Yes, again,” Dieter said dramatically, “she’s on the rebound and slumming it and I’m loving it.”

You rolled your eyes again, “you know you don’t have to pick women who are slumming it just to get laid you know. There’s plenty of beautiful women all over L.A. who would happily spend an evening on a sunset cruise. Why do you need to pick the wicked witch of the L.A.?”

“See that’s where you’re wrong,” Dieter began to say, “Those women only wanna hang out with me because I’m a big time movie star. They dont really give a fuck about me.”

“And you think Lola does?” You pointed out.

“No not really,” Dieter said with a hint of sadness in his voice, “but honestly fuck it. I just wanna go out on the ocean, eat some good food and then eat some good pussy. Lola’s good for that.”

“Alright,” you said, conceding knowing that this was a time old argument the two of you have had many times. You knew that it wouldn’t go anywhere and you still had too much to do today to spend the time arguing.

“Do you want the all inclusive romantic suite with, jacuzzi bathtub with an ocean view or would you rather have the scintillating views of downtown LA with the wood burning fireplace?” You asked reading through the options of the luxury suites that were offered.

“Hm they both sound nice,” Dieter said mulling it over in his head, “where would you rather get eaten out? In front of the fireplace or on the edge of the jacuzzi tub?”

Neither, you thought to yourself. Your boyfriend that you’ve been dating for the last few months didn’t really like eating you out and wasn’t all that good at it.

“It’s the middle of June,” you pointed out, “it’s too hot for a fire. But then again knowing you and Lola you’ll be all over that room before the nights over.”

“I know,” Dieter said with a small growl of anticipation in his voice as he palmed himself through his sweats thinking about it, “Fuck it, give me the jacuzzi ocean room.”

“You got it boss,” you said, selecting the room.

The two of you sat in silence for a moment, the only sounds were the clicking of the keyboard on your MacBook and Dieter’s low breathing. Once you finished all the bookings you said, “I’m forwarding your reservation and the tickets to your email.”

“Thanks,” Dieter muses and then mechanically says, “what are you doing this weekend?”

“Matt’s taking me to that new Italian place 7th St,” you responded.

“Oh so Matty Cakes finally decided to step up his game and take you someplace nicer than Wok n’ Roll?” Dieter teased.

“Hey I love Wok n’ Roll,” you pushed back, “And not everyone can afford a sunset dinner cruise for dinner. Some of us are just regular people instead of big superstar actors.”

“Urgh thank God I’m not one of those,” Dieter responded.

You and Dieter had been friends for nearly ten years now. You met for the first time at your drug dealer's house, the two of you happened to be buying cocaine at the same time. Honestly you don’t even really remember the details the first time you met. You had come to LA to try to be a dancer while also attending UCLA. You had spent most of your early twenties shamelessly partying, doing drugs to keep your energy up to dance, working as a bartender, and going to school. You hadn’t declared a major in anything, you had a long list of ideas of what you wanted to do but couldn't decide on any one thing.

You and Dieter would spend a year running into each other before you two really became friends. You ran into each other at your dealer's house, at the bar where you worked and even a few parties. At the time Dieter had been a smaller actor, getting a few small parts as a supporting cast in a few movies and a handful of appearances on Law and Order. You two would make small talk, giving life updates in between weeks or months of not seeing each other.

One thing was perfectly clear from the moment you met Dieter. He was absolutely handsome and he knew it and was a total slut. But despite that he never did hit on you. Albeit you had a different circle of friends and there was a never ending line of hot women that threw themselves at Dieter. He was also twelve years your senior which may have played a part in why he never hit on you.

Your life had come crashing down one night in October. When you had moved out to LA to attend school you already had a brother living out here. He had left your home town a few years back. He was the one that had convinced you to move out here and to apply for UCLA. Your brother was your best friend, you had been so mad when he announced that he was moving out to LA when you were still a teenager stuck at home.

Then everything went to shit. You had gotten a call from Cedar Sinai letting you know that Brandon had overdosed. You were beyond devastated and catatonic for months after that. You had stopped eating, gotten fired from the bar you worked at because you kept calling out and dropped out of classes because you couldn't keep up with the work anymore. You spent endless months in your tiny shitty apartment, only ever leaving for groceries. It was then and there that you had decided to quit. You flushed everything you had and never did any drugs since then.

Then about six months after Brandon’s death you were sitting at an Ihop at 3am. You needed to get out of your apartment after months of being a recluse and you only picked his Ihop because there was no one else in it. Then Dieter walked in alone and went to sit at the counter and ordered a coffee. You sat in the booth, minding your own business until Dieter saw you.

He exclaimed excitedly about how he hasn’t seen you in awhile. How he even went to the bar you worked at asking for you. Your drug dealer had told Dieter that it’d been months since he had seen you. You were surprised to hear this from the eccentric actor. However a few breaths in Dieter had picked up that something was wrong. He sat in the booth across from you, inquiring what happened.

The rest of the night was a bit of a blur. You had told him everything that had happened. He stared at you with those damn puppy dog eyes and listened diligently. He was deeply sympathetic and kind to you that night. You had told him about how you were about to get kicked out of your apartment because you were behind on the rent and out of money. How you had considered moving back home.

Dieter had talked you out of it. He ended up getting you a job as his personal assistant and let you live in his guest house that was off the main house up on the hill in Sherman Oaks. He paid you well, even set you up with his therapist that apparently made house calls. His therapist would come visit Dieter at the main house and then send him to the guest house for you. You always gushed to Dieter about how you couldn't afford to live in Sherman Oaks and a therapist who made house calls. But Dieter insisted, that was the thing about Dieter. If you could get into his inner circle he was loyal to the death. You weren’t exactly sure how you got there but you did.

As the years had dawned on you two had developed a deep friendship. He never once attempted to hit on you which you kind of appreciated. You appreciated Dieter as a friend far more than a lover. That was the curious irony of Dieter, he was loyal to a fault but also went through lovers and girlfriends like you went through your socks. Dieter was far too chaotic for your tastes. It was entertaining to sit on the side lines and watch him make a total ass of himself. He also landed a few dream roles over the years and became a superstar and you were thankful that you got to play a part of that. He really was a brilliant actor and a good friend when he wasn’t being a pain in the ass.

Hours later you were standing in front of the mirror near the front door, putting on the finishing touches to your make up. Matt had texted you saying he was a few minutes away. You grabbed your light blue denim coat and threw it over your black dress and made your way out the guest house. The main house was attached to a long paved driveway that was about thirty feet away from the guest house. A black SUV was parked near the door, a man in a suit was opening the back passenger door.

Lola stepped out wearing a short white skirt with a red tank top with a deep V neck, her bleach blond hair was styled in big curls and an ostentatious diamond necklace laid gently between her tits. She had her face hidden behind big sunglasses and didn’t even give you a second glance. Dieter quickly appeared at the front door making his way down the front steps.

“Damn baby,” He said eyeing her up and down quickly, “You looking fuckin’ amazing.”

“Thank’s hun,” she said, throwing her arms around him as he came down to her.

Dieter immediately placed his hand on her ass as he kissed her deeply. Afterward he looked up at you.

“Damn little black dress tonight?” Dieter said, looking you over while he kept his hand on her Lola’s ass, “Matty Cakes finally getting lucky tonight?”

“You better not call him that when he gets here,” you shot him a warning look, “You know he hates it.”

“I know that's why I keep calling him that,” Dieter smirked playfully, “it’s funny to see him get all pissed.”

You couldn’t tell but you were pretty sure that Lola was rolling her eyes behind her Armani sunglasses.

“So did Dieter tell you that he’s taking me on a sunset cruise tonight?” She chimed in, running her hands up and down Dieters chest while keeping her eyes on you.

“Nope sounds romantic,” you smirked while Deiter looked down at his pleather shoes sheepishly.

“He really is,” Lola said, glancing between him and you, “and then we’re staying at the Marriott near the marina. He really is the sweetest.”

This was something Lola had done from the beginning. You could tell she was the jealous type, she always made a bit of a scene of staking her claim in Dieter in front of you. Despite the fact that you and Dieter had repeatedly told her you two were just friends, Lola still liked to dangle Dieter in front of your face like a shiny toy. Dieter always seemed to tune out whenever she did, he didn’t care for the drama that Lola always seemed to start.

“So where’s Matt taking you tonight? That tacky Chinese place down by the beach?” Lola questioned while still hanging off Dieter.

“Um no we’re going to that new Italian place that just opened up,” You replied trying to be civil.

“Oh I’ve been there so many times already,” Lola purred as if she were bored with the conversation, “word of advice if you wanna fit into that dress of your come summer order a salad. Their pasta dishes are huge.”

“Thanks Lola,” you nodded sarcastically, you were used to her many backhanded compliments.

“Alright well I’m bored,” Dieter said turning back in, “let’s go baby, I wanna go get on the boat already.”

He turned her around and slapped her ass as the two of them climbed into the SUV. As they were pulling out of the driveway Matt’s car drove up and pulled to a stop near you. You went to go get in until he turned the car off and got out.

”Hey, you ready to go?” You asked curiously as he got out.

“Actually we need to talk,” he said as he placed his arms on the hood of the car.

You felt your stomach flip at his words but also wasn’t surprised. In fact you were surprised by the fact that you weren’t surprised by what he was saying, “Okay.”

He sighed, running a hand through his hair, “I don’t think this is working out for me.”

“Okay,” you said glumly, “why?”

“I just can’t stop thinking about what you had said last time you were over at my apartment when we were watching that movie,” he went on to explain.

“What I said when?” You said trying to rack your brain that night.

“What you said after I finally got you to go down on me,” Matt stated, “about how you used to have a reputation for giving the best blowjobs at UCLA.”

“It was a joke Matt,” you replied with feeling your anger build, “I told you the actual story behind it. It was a stupid rumor that went around my dorm building but everyone knew the truth, they were saying that about me ironically.”

The truth was that you had been blowing this guy you were seeing but you were so drunk that you had ended up puking mid job. It was definitely not funny at the time and embarrassing as hell but over the years you’ve learned to not take life too seriously and it was a little funny now looking back on it. You were young and dumb and luckily made it through those days relatively in one piece.

“Really? Because Travis has been asking me a lot of questions about you lately,” Matt continued on, “he asked me if your reputation still holds up and if I’d be willing to share you with him.”

“What?” You asked shocked, “what the fuck, why would he ask you that?”

“Have you been flirting with him?” Matt questioned.

“No,” you shot back, “he DM’d that one night at like 3 am and sent me a dick pic which I told you about by the way and I blocked him after that.”

“Well now I’ve been hearing from all my friends that they all wanna bone you and I don’t like it,” Matt ranted on, “and now they all know about your UCLA dorm reputation of being a slut and now they wont stop asking me about it.”

“How did they hear that story?” You asked, crossing your arms.

“Huh?”

“How’d they hear that story?” You repeat yourself, “I only told you that story because you’re the one who brought up embarrassing stories after telling me yours. Did you tell them?”

“Look it doesn’t matter how they know,” Matt redirected, “the point is that I don’t want a hoe for a girlfriend and no one’s that good at giving head unless there’s some truth to it.”

“Oh so that’s what this is about?” You asked amused, “so you liked the head I gave you?”

“Well not anymore because now I’m just wondering how many other guys' dicks you’ve had in your mouth and now I’m just grossed out,” Matt said, throwing his hands up, “and I don’t need to hear it from my friends or whatever other dudes you’ve had.”

You stood there in a stunned silence as he got back into his car and drove out the driveway to the gate. Did you just get dumped for being too good at giving head? There’s no way. You didn’t believe that was the real reason, sure you may be alright at it but you didn’t think that you were extraordinarily talented at it or anything. But you could tell from the beginning that Matt’s friends were all douchebags and Matt kind of was too. You wanted to give him a fair chance but you weren’t very attached to him, you didn't even really care that you had just gotten dumped you were just surprised that you were.

Well fuck it, you thought to your self. You had been looking forward to going to that Italian restaurant. Even if it meant going alone and eating a whole damn bowl of pasta by yourself, you’d find a way to have a good evening.

*******************************************************************************

You sipped the red wine from your glass slowly, scrolling on instagram mindlessly. You had blocked Matt and all his douchebag friends. An empty bowl of Alfredo mushroom pasta laid next to you. It had been delicious and well worth the trip. The restaurant was definitely one of sophistication and romance. You had tried to ignore all the couples or families that were out together. You ended up not being able to get a table without having to wait forty five minutes so you opted for the bar. It did you better anyways because then you could have your back to everyone around you and try to ignore the sting of being out alone on a Friday night.

Then out of nowhere a familiar voice came from behind you, “this seat taken?”

Before you even had a chance to respond Dieter slid into the chair next to you. He had his sunglasses on and avoided your gaze, he was rubbing his temple in discomfort.

“What are you doing here?” You question him, “I thought you and Lola were gonna have a cunilingis party in your jacuzzi tub.”

“Yep we didn’t make it that far,” Dieter confessed and got the bartender's attention, “crown whiskey please, neat.”

The bartender nodded and turned to get a tumbler glass.

“Where’s Matty cakes?” Dieter asks, still avoiding your gaze.

It’s only now with Dieter sitting besides you being aloof that you thought to really look at him. The side of his face was a little pinker than normal and there was a small cut on his cheek. You went to grab for his sunglasses, taking them off delicately. His eyes snapped at you with anger while you sighed frustratedly.

“Did she hit you again?” You say hushed toned.

“Well it’s not like I didn’t deserve it,” Dieter replied taking the sunglasses back from you and sliding them up his face, “she was being a bitch, I was being a dick. You know the same old story.”

“You still shouldn’t be allowing her to hit you,” You say sternly, “it’s not right.”

“Eh fuck it,” Dieter said shrugging, “it was more of a bitch slap anyways. I’ve had worse, besides the girls a total psycho. She’s out there throwing a temper tantrum because her rich lawyer boyfriend won’t shell out the $135,000 she needs to go to New York for fashion week.”

“And let me guess, instead she asked you for the money?” You asked unsurprised, taking a sip of wine.

“I would have done it if she didn’t have such a stick up her ass,” Dieter went on to explain, “we were on the dinner cruise and a group of women came up to me and asked for a selfie. She sat at the table and pouted the rest of dinner and before we even got the Marriott she blew up on me because she thought I was eye fucking those women that wanted the picture.”

You weren’t surprised, Lola was incredibly jealous of every other woman that was in Dieter’s vicinity. She had even tried to convince Dieter to kick you out of the guest house even though you and Dieter had always had set a boundary early on of not entering each other’s spaces without notice.

“I don't understand why you put up with her,” you grumbled, “yea she’s hot but there’s plenty of hot women that would line up for you. She’s a selfish manipulative gold digger who’s going to throw a toddler-like tantrum every time she doesn’t get her way. You could do much better.”

“But she’s the one that keeps coming back,” Dieter explained, “and besides when she is in the middle of her temper tantrums the sex is crazy good. We were in the lobby of the Marriott, I tried to off to take her upstairs to make her legs shake all the way to New York, she asked me if I’d give her the money and I made a joke about how she’s like my own personal Vivian Ward and she slapped me and left.”

You rolled your eyes, it sounded like a typical fight between the two of them.

“So where’s Matty Cakes?” Dieter asked now just noticing, “Why you sitting at a bar alone?”

“We’re done,” you said bluntly.

“Good for you!” Dieter said, placing his hand on your shoulder affectionately, “I was hoping you’d wise up and leave his sorry ass.”

“Oh you mean just like how I tell you all the time to forget about Lola?” You pointed out.

“Yeah but you’re a lot smarter than me,” Dieter retorted, “besides you definitely could do better than that ass hat.”

“I’m not sure how true that is,” you responded, swirling the wine in your glass around, “he broke up with me.”

“Why?” Dieter asked, looking over towards you behind the shades.

“Well first off I don’t believe what he said,” you began to explain, “I think he’s full of shit but I don’t know why he’d lie about it. Probably just has a stick up his ass too like Lola.”

“We ought to hook the two of them up,” Dieter responded.

“Please Matt can't afford her,” you retorted simply.

“So what did he say?” Dieter questioned further.

“He said that he’s pissed because a couple of his friends are into me a guess and he told them the story about how I used to have that reputation for giving the best at giving head at UCLA,” you started to explain.

“From that time you ralphed all over that guy when you were drunk?” Dieter questioned, recalling one of the many late night talks you two had over the years, “What did you puke all over him when you were going down on him tonight?”

“No,” you said flatly.

“Hm too bad,” Dieter replied, “he deserves it. So he's pissed that his boys are into you? That’s stupid, if that were me I’d just make it clear to my friends that you're mine and show you off like you deserve instead of being a little bitch about it.”

“You’d think so,” you agreed, “but he said that he agrees with my reputation and doesn’t want a girlfriend that’s too good at giving head because obviously that means that I’m a hoe.”

“Wait so he actually broke up with you for being too good at giving head?” Dieter asked with a furrowed brow. A few people around the restaurant started giving you two funny looks, but you were used to getting stares from Dieter’s blunt openness even in public, “That’s the stupidest fucking thing I’ve ever heard! If you’re that good at it he should be on his knees begging for your mouth every night.”

You shrugged, unsure how to respond. You didn’t really think you were that good at and also agreed that it was a stupid thing to get dumped over. But there wasn’t enough attachment to Matt. You were getting sleepy off the wine, you were ready to put this day to rest.

“Was he good at going down on you?” Dieter continued to question.

“Not really,” you confessed, “he didn’t really like to do it. Even when we were dating I tried to tell him if he wouldn’t do it to me that I wouldn’t do it to him but he bitched, moaned and complained if i wouldn’t.”

“Jesus,” Dieter said, running his hands through his hair, “Alright let’s go back to the Marriott.”

“Go back to your hotel with you?” You asked surprised.

“C’mon,” Dieter said, standing from the bar and tossing a fifty dollar bill on the counter, “let’s drown our sorrows in Mary Jane and we can play scrabble all night.”

#dieter bravo #pedro pascal #fanfiction #the bubble #pedro is daddy #pedro x reader

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