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schrijverr · 23 hours

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Tomorrow Will Be Different 1

Chapter 1 out of 26

Instead of managing to meet up later, Oliver has to keep running with Akio. The only way to keep them safe is to go public with Oliver being alive, leaving him back home in charge of Akio, while Tatsu and Maseo are still in the wind.

Oliver has to get used to being back home where he doesn’t fit there anymore, while also taking care of a child and getting caught up in a larger conspiracy that keeps the existence of the Alpha-Omega virus secret. In the meantime, his primary mission is to reunite Akio with his parents, something that isn’t the easiest when being back from the dead and in the spotlight.

On AO3.

Ships: none

Warnings: none

~~~

Chapter 1: A Fucking Shitshow

Oliver is mentally cursing as loudly as he can, but trying not to do it out loud. If they all make it out of here alive, he doesn’t want to risk facing Tatsu’s wrath should Akio pick up anything from him and repeat it.

He wishes he could swear, though, because the situation is an absolute shit show.

What feels like only hours early, everyone was in good spirits, saying their goodbyes, before finally being able to go home. Then there was gunfire everywhere, the four of them crossed by Amanda, if the agents were anything to go off. Now, he’s on the run with Maseo and Tatsu’s kid in tow, suddenly responsible for keeping something so very precious safe.

If he’s honest with himself, he doesn’t think he’ll ever forget Akio’s screams for his parents as Oliver held him close, so that he couldn’t run to them. Maseo told him to get Akio out of there and he knows the two Yamashiros still out there can handle themselves, but if they’ve died, if Akio never sees his parents again after that moment, Oliver isn’t sure he’ll be able to forgive himself. If Akio will ever forgive him.

However, he can��t think like that. His own fate has taught him that he shouldn’t assume anyone is dead until he’s sure, that people can survive some crazy shit. He just needs to trust that he can reunite Akio with his parents, he just has to keep him alive until then…

Which is the shit show in question that Oliver has found himself in. Sure, he’s gotten pretty skilled at disappearing in crowds and keeping an eye out for those after him, but he’s never had to do it with a kid. He’s never been responsible for a life other than his own.

Right now, he mostly feels lucky that Akio is a tough one, who is used to his parents’ life and all it entails, having already been uprooted before. And that he idolizes Oliver enough to trust him when he says it’s all going to be okay, letting Oliver lead him through the crowd with the blind belief that he will get him back to his parents safely. Oliver hopes he’ll never have to break his heart by letting him down about that.

Hong Kong is a busy city, for that Oliver is grateful, because it makes disappearing into a crowd that much easier, no matter how foreign he looks.

The two of them get some looks, however. Probably because Oliver looks like a kidnapper next to Akio. The fact that Akio is complaining about wanting to go home, doesn’t help their case either. It might only be because they’re in Triad territory that no one steps in.

Oliver should probably get them to a more tourist-y part of town. Not only will Oliver look less out of place, but Amanda should be less likely to start shooting there, not wanting to risk an international incident by accidentally getting a vacationing American in the cross fire.

These plans get ruined when Akio runs off suddenly, calling out for his father. Oliver sets chase, but it seems his assumption was right. While people don’t actively stop him, they do hinder him. If Akio is set on running, they’re giving him a chance. The crowd has closed up and Akio is out of sight, leaving Oliver to try and breathe through his panic as he scans everyone, hoping to catch a flash of the kid.

Without Akio there, Oliver allows himself to curse out loud. “What a fucking shit show.”

“Oliver?” Akio’s voice is right behind him. Oliver whirs around as fast as he can, unable to process the wave of relief crashing over him other than kneeling down and sweeping Akio up in his arms.

People are still giving them wary looks, but Akio came back voluntarily and no one wants explicit trouble. All continue on with their day as if the past minute or two hasn’t happened. Oliver can’t even find it within himself to be mad about it. Still, he cradles Akio close, not wanting to lose him all over.

Eventually, he forces himself to let go, scolding Akio about never disappearing like that again. His heart breaks slightly when Akio responds: “I thought I saw my father, but it wasn’t him.”

He knows this isn’t easy on him. All Akio wants is to see his parents again, Oliver understands the feeling, just hours earlier he thought he was going to see his mom again – properly this time – having that ripped away is soul crushing.

Fortunately, it seems that Akio’s reunion is closer than Oliver’s, because Tatsu and Maseo were smart enough to agree on a meeting point in case this exact situation arrived. The two always knew the possible dangers, shielding Akio as much as they could from the kind of life they lived, but never leaving him unprepared. Oliver has always admired that about them.

However, the botanical garden is a bust.

Oliver should have known it wasn’t going to be that easy, but he can’t help but feel crushed that this nightmare isn’t over for Akio yet.

His hand feels so small in Oliver’s, wrist fragile, easily broken by his hands. Oliver isn’t made to care for fragile things, why did he ever think running with Akio was a good idea? Why did Maseo think it was a good idea to tell him to run with Akio?

Those aren’t thoughts he has time to contemplate now, even if they cross his mind as they run for their lives.

With men hot on their trail and Oliver standing out as an American, it becomes clear that Akio doesn’t have the stamina to outrun them. Much like he’d done at the docks, Oliver makes the executive decision that Akio’s life is more important than his immediate comfort, so he scoops the kid up, tossing him over his shoulder and sets out in a proper sprint, like he couldn’t do before.

Akio jostles in his grip and lets out a complaint as he grips Oliver’s shirt as tightly as he can to avoid getting bounced too badly.

Hong Kong is crawling with Amanda’s men, they have to go underground for now and look for Tatsu and Maseo later. It’s no use to go looking when they’re probably also hiding. Hopefully Akio will understand, he thinks.

They’ve put enough distance between the men following them and themselves that Oliver risks putting Akio down on his feet again. The boy frowns at him and says: “That was the worst piggy back ride ever.”

It’s so out of pocket seeing the circumstances that it tears a surprise laugh out of Oliver. Despite the horrible day, Akio manages to stay himself, a small bright point in the shit show. Oliver smiles and ruffles his hair. “I’m sorry, buddy.”

“Forgiven,” Akio smiles back easily, taking Oliver’s hand so that the two can make their way through the crowd.

They’re in the more tourist part and look less out of place. Still, Oliver ducks into a shop, pulling out some of the clothes for him and Akio, tugging a cap onto Akio’s head and offering him a jacket, while Oliver himself stuffs his jacket in a backpack along with his hat, replacing it with a cap of his own and a different sweater that has the sky line of Hong Kong on it.

With their appearance properly altered to look more like tourists, they fit back into the crowd. Oliver takes Akio to get some ice cream, tucking the two of them away in the back of the shop.

Akio seems delighted by the big desert Oliver lets him order, happily scooping the sweet treat while Oliver mentally regroups and keeps an eye on the passing crowd to see if Amanda’s men are still nearby.

He doesn’t know anyone here that would owe him a favor and let him stay. He contemplates going to the American embassy, but quickly disregards the idea again. Amanda is part of the American government, she would get him there easily. Best to stay under the radar.

There are a lot of hotels nearby, if he can sneak into an unoccupied room he can probably pass for one of the many visitors. Akio would have to stay in the room to remain unspotted and out of danger, but it would keep him safe while Oliver looks for his parents. But hotel rooms are unlikely to remain unoccupied. Maybe he can just check in? But he doesn’t have a lot of money, not to mention no ID. Plus, what if someone recognizes him?

The second rumors about returned billionaire Oliver Queen start doing the rounds is when Amanda will move in. Too risky.

He’ll have more chance in the business district, he thinks. He can play the part of American business man well enough to not get noticed in the crowds. He and Akio can take refuge in an abandoned office building, his days of finding sniper’s nests in the city finally paying off, since he knows where those are.

A lot of them are also known and used by A.R.G.U.S., but Oliver knows which ones aren’t. If he’s lucky, he might be able to get his hands on a proper gun so he’ll be able to turn it into an actual sniper’s nest to keep Akio safe.

With a plan in mind, he feels much better. Akio is done with his ice cream and Oliver leaves some cash behind, not wanting to attract attention by not paying.

He keeps his head on a swivel – the only way to survive and basically second nature – as they stroll over the streets. Their pace is leisurely, fitting in by moving at everyone else’s speed. Oliver tries not to think about the fact that people likely assume he’s Akio’s father, both because he doesn’t want to think about everything that has led him to temporarily taking up the roll as guardian and because he’s only twenty-five and Akio nine. He’s way too young to be Akio’s dad.

Right now he can’t conceptualize how he almost was a father before he left on the yacht. He didn’t feel ready then, his lifestyle way too rowdy and free to fit in a kid. He’s double glad he isn’t a father now, with the kind of man he has become, the darkness inside of him, he shouldn’t be allowed near a kid.

It makes his mind boggle again that Maseo trusted him enough to tell him to take Akio and run. He knows what kind of man Oliver is, the things he has done.

Sure, Maseo also killed for Amanda, worked for A.R.G.U.S., and Oliver has seen enough from Tatsu to know she isn’t innocent either. However, they still love so easily. Their darkness isn’t overpowering. They found the right balance, the kind Shado had been talking about. Oliver doesn’t know if he’ll ever have that or if he’ll always be shrouded in the dark.

He shakes the thoughts off, he has a mission to focus on not his own meandering mind.

Oliver spots another clothing store. He’s still grimy from all the running around, which isn’t the best, but clothes help a lot. It’ll be their third outfit today, harder to follow them that way.

Akio is confused and a little annoyed. He complains: “Why are we getting new clothes again? We already did that. When are we going to see my parents?”

How Oliver wishes he had answers to that, but he doesn’t. All he can do is give a sad sigh and squad down in front of the kid. He says: “Akio, your parents are hiding, like we are. We’re going to find them, but it’s going to be tomorrow. Tonight you and I are going to have a sleep over, okay? Like camping. You’ve ever been camping?”

“No,” Akio answers reluctantly. “But why are they hiding? Why are we?”

“It’s like hide and seek,” Oliver tries to explain. “The bad men are seeking and we’re hiding. It’s hard to hide and seek at the same time, so we have to wait until the bad men stop seeking until we can start seeking your parents.”

“I guess,” Akio pouts, shoulders slumping.

Oliver wants to do more for him, make him promises, but he won’t keep them. It can take a while before they find Tatsu and Maseo again and it won’t be easy for Akio. He feels wholly out of his depth. Hopefully he won’t royally fuck this up.

There is nothing he can say right now, but Akio has given up fighting and easily lets himself be led to the clothing store. Oliver picks out a button up for both of them, deciding that with the jeans they might pass for business casual, father taking his son out to show him around the business part of town.

He can still remember his own father showing him around Queen Consolidated, even as a small child. Back then, he had no clue what it meant to be the owner of that building, now – having seen the dirty parts of power – he understands better than ever. He still doesn’t know what his father means exactly by not being the man Oliver thinks he is, something he said both on the life raft and in the video, but Oliver can imagine.

But it isn’t the time to dwell on that. He puts all of their stuff in a suitcase, makes Akio’s hair as neat as he can and ties his own up in as sleek a pony tail as he can get. His hair isn’t as long as Maseo’s, but it’s getting there and tying it up like that will make him fit in better and alter his appearance more.

With that done, the two set off to the business part of town, the one close to the botanical garden, just in case. Sheung Wan, Oliver thinks it’s called.

Like Oliver suspected, they don’t turn many heads and his apparent confidence in where he’s going, means that no one questions them. An abandoned office building is easily found and with a final glance around, Oliver breaks a lock and they go inside.

Oliver picks the office on the highest floor that is closest to the fire escape, but has the best sight lines. It’s not perfect, but it’s the safest they’re gonna get.

Leaving Akio there by himself is hard, but he knows it’ll be easier to move around on his own, so if they want supplies, it has to be done. Still, he checks a thousand times if Akio is okay before he leaves, making the boy promise that he’ll stay under the desk.

Scrounging things up to make their stay more comfortable while staying inconspicuously isn’t the easiest, but Oliver manages to get some food and a blanket at least. Hopefully that will be enough to keep Akio comfortable, Oliver is used to sleep without anything, he’ll manage. He just doesn’t want to deliver Akio back to Tatsu and Maseo having made something horrible even worse.

They probably won’t approve of his snacks for dinner, but he sold this as a sleep over and Akio’s eyes light up when he shows off his haul. He can be a good bad influence for a night. The kind he used to be before he drowned, though perhaps a little less destructive.

He entertains Akio with stories from his own childhood, editing them slightly so they’re more kid friendly. It’s reminiscent of the days he has spend with Thea and he misses her now more than ever, even more than after when he just saw her. She has changed so much now, all grown up …falling into the same bad habits he had. He wonders if he’ll ever get the chance to go home and be a better influence to her, like he is to Akio now.

The whole thing leaves him feeling morose and he’s glad when Akio finally drops off.

Akio is using his thigh as a pillow, the blanket wrapped around him both against the cold and to give him something softer to lie on than the musty office carpet. It’s the best Oliver can do for the moment, but he hopes for Akio’s sake that their circumstances will change soon.

Oliver himself sleeps fitfully, keeping himself semi-alert as he dozes sitting upright under that desk they have hidden under ever since their got there. He can’t help but wonder if they’re ever going to make it out of this alive. If Tatsu and Maseo did. What tomorrow will bring.

He doesn’t have any answers, but he feels like this is another turning point in his life, much like getting to Lian Yu had been or waking up in Hong Kong. Something new is coming for him, he just hasn’t figured out if that’s a good thing or not.

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schrijverr · 2 days

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Self-Promote Saturday

Hi, this isn't a thing, but I'm making it one (writers and other artists feel free to join in on Self-Promote Saturday). Today's self-promote is: Miracle Worker (56k)

Mike has dropped out of High School at sixteen to take on a full time job as a bike delivery boy to take care of Grammy. He lies that he’s eighteen to get better hours and more pay, somehow ending up working for Harvey on a project that will get him Senior Partnership. Mike and Harvey become friends during the course of it, Mike looking up to Harvey as all he wants to be, but probably never will. However, when things go south with Grammy, he considers taking Trevor’s offer to do a drug run, instead ending up with Harvey offering to be his mentor. Offering him help.

I loved writing this fic, because it was really interesting to think of how to incorporate things from early season 1 into this new settling and relations. One part of the show I'm really fond of is Mike getting his job and learning to navigate it, so writing this to explore that was a delight. It's also really fun to capture the essence of the characters when they're not in their canon context (at least not all of them and not entirely). Also love making Harvey parental against his will lmao, so if you like that, this is a read for you xp

#rrposts #self-promote saturday #self promote saturday #suits #suits tv #mike ross #harvey specter

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schrijverr · 4 days

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Fic Writer Asks

Thought it would be fun to make one of these myself

🫓 What is your most popular fic?

🥘 What category do most of your fics fall under?

🍲 When did you start writing and why?

🍱 Do you read your own fics?

🍛 Have any comments, tags or reactions to one of your fics every made you laugh or cry or both?

🍜 Do you ever feel pressured to write?

🍠 How long does it take you to write one of your fics or a chapter/part?

🍢 Have you ever gotten hate on a fic?

🍣 What helps you focus or get in the mood to write?

🍥 What's your favorite fic you've written?

🥮 Do you have any writing milestones you're working toward?

🍡 Which of your fics was the most emotionally difficult to write?

🍘 Is there a fic or idea for a fic that you've abandoned?

🍙 Is there a fic you wish had gotten more attention?

🍚 What genre do you have the toughest time writing?

#rr reblog #oehh these are all fun #my inbox is open (it always is but still)#im ignoring deadlines and I'd prefer to chat with y'all #feel free to also freestyle asks or specify a fandom if you'd like :D

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schrijverr · 5 days

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Defining a Killer

Takes place during 3x14: The Return. After learning about killing Sara, Thea thinks of herself as a killer. Oliver tells her that she isn’t by opening up about his own bloody past.

On AO3.

Ships: none

Warnings: discussions of death and discussions of killing

~~~

After all the adrenaline of the day, the two Queen siblings sit quietly on the beach of Lian Yu as they wait for the day to come. Soon, they’ll be picked up and charted back to the mainland, but for now they sit by the fire, watching it crackle.

Oliver is intimately aware of Thea sitting hunched in on herself, hugging her knees. He knows the pain of guilt and wishes he could have spared her from it. She doesn’t deserve to feel like this, Sara’s death isn’t her fault, even if it were hands who carried it out.

He wants to say something, make sure she knows that it’s not on her. So, she doesn’t fall into the same trap he did of trying to make up for your father’s mistakes. He carries that burden, so she doesn’t have to and it kills him to see her do it anyway, just because Malcom wormed his way into her head.

Clumsily, he attempts: “Sara’s blood isn’t on your hands. You didn’t kill her, Malcom did by using you.”

The words are ones he’s said before and they haven’t worked then, but he needs to say something, anything, to try and break through to her.

“Tsk,” Thea huffs, hunching further into herself. “We both know that’s not true. I shot those arrows at her. Three of them. Right in her chest. How was that not my fault, Ollie?”

She looks at him, her eyes burning with rage and unshed tears. The rage isn’t directed at him, nor at Malcom, but at herself. And the rage isn’t actually rage, it’s just the emotion she feels, because it’s the emotion that’s easier than all the others.

Oliver knows, he’s been there. Which makes it all the harder to get through to her, because he also knows how many times he’s been in her shoes with someone else in his, and how he never listened to what the person in his position told him. Self-hatred and blame are hard to let go.

“You weren’t in your right mind, Speedy. He drugged you,” Oliver repeats, because it bears repeating, as often as she needs to hear it until she believes it.

“I’m a killer, Ollie,” Thea grits out. “Nothing you can say will change that.”

Unable to stop it and unsure why his brain thinks it’s a proper response to that, Oliver huffs out a snort of laughter at that.

Immediately he wants to take it back, reverse time so he can change it so he doesn’t do that, because it’s stupid. However, before he can say anything, Thea snaps: “You think that’s funny? You think it’s funny that Sara died. That I killed her? You think that’s hilarious, Oliver?”

Oef, not Ollie, but Oliver. Thea almost never calls him Oliver, one of the few people who still sticks with the name that suited him better before he set foot on the Queen’s Gambit. It’s a little bittersweet. She still sees him as who he was then, instead of the killer he is now. Bit ironic that she switched now surrounding this.

Though, it does give him more of an idea on what he wants to say next. “Speedy- Thea, I- I wasn’t laughing at you. Or Sara’s death. I promise.”

“Then why?”

“It’s just… you. You calling yourself a killer,” Oliver says, trying to explain the concepts in his brain with words.

“I killed a person. A person we both knew and loved. I did it in cold blood, she didn’t even get to defend herself,” Thea exclaims. “How is that not being a killer?”

“You’re all torn up about it,” Oliver shrugs, before cringing as he realizes how that sounds. He backtracks: “Which is good. I mean, not the, uhm, feeling bad part, but the feeling about it part. It wasn’t meant as a bad thing.”

Thea eyes him warily for a moment, then unfurls a little as she says: “You’ve been around Felicity too much,” breaking the tension as Oliver manages a genuine smile at reminder of the babbling blonde.

Then the two fall quiet again, staring into the fire.

It takes about five minutes for Thea to talk again. Oliver has been mentally beating himself up for putting his foot in his mouth during that time, unsure of how to start the conversation again, when she does it for him. “What did you mean by I’m all torn up about it?”

“You feel bad about killing Sara. It’s tearing you apart, I can see it. Killers don’t do that, Thea, they don’t. It doesn’t cross their radar that they took someone’s life,” Oliver tells her honestly, hoping the message lands without him having to get personal. He hates getting personal.

“I nearly killed Mr. Wilson today,” Thea says, not refuting him but not agreeing either.

“But you didn’t,” Oliver points out. “If you were a killer, you would have pointed that gun at him and pulled the trigger without giving me a chance to talk you out of it.”

“And how would you know,” Thea huffs, curling back in on herself from where her body language had been a bit more open before. Rejection to what he’s saying. She still feels guilty and she doesn’t believe him.

Another approach, then. Fuck, he really hoped to avoid getting personal. Trying to keep it to a minimum, he simply says: “Because I am a killer.”

Thea’s head shoots up and Oliver smartly chooses to ignore her gaze. He doesn’t want to look at her, never wanted her to know that about him, to look at him differently because of it. From the corner of his eyes, he sees her shake her head. “No, Ollie, you’re- you’re a hero. You’re not a killer, you stopped that.”

“I did stop,” Oliver agrees, because he is proud of how far he’s come in his battle against his internal darkness, but he knows that it’s there and that it’ll never fully leave. He knows who he is. So, he rightfully points out: “But that means I did kill before that.”

“That’s not the same,” Thea argues. “You weren’t killing friends, you were targeting corrupt shitheads. I worked with Laurel back then, I saw the files on some of them. You can’t compare that at all.”

Sometimes, Oliver forgets how little they all know about his time away. How much he keeps hidden, because sharing hurts, sharing shames. He’s a different man now, but that fear of everyone seeing him differently still lingers. Even if playing his old self felt uncomfortable, it had always felt safer than being himself.

Now, he finds himself on a crossroad again. He has to decide what to hide and what reveals will be worth it. Taiana flashes through his mind, how easily her neck snapped beneath his hands. Then she is followed by a slew of nameless faces that he cut through so easily, never feeling guilty or stopping for a second.

It’s not a pretty past, but he promised Thea no more lies, and he can’t risk loosing her. Not now, not over this.

Still, he tries to be vague as he says: “I’ve killed friends. Killed a bunch of people, who might not have deserved it. I wouldn’t know, I didn’t know them, they were just in my way.” He stares deeply into the flames, as if they might give him answers. “I’ve killed a lot, Speedy, during those five years. At some point, I stopped feeling bad. It was just a thing I did.” He clears his throat and looks at her. “That’s what being a killer is. I am one, I know that you aren’t.”

Thea’s eyes are wide, her mouth hanging open slightly as she looks at him, shallow breaths puffing out her chest.

She opens and closes her mouth a few times with nothing coming out, her hands twitch, as if she can physically grasp something to say out of thin air. Oliver lets her process, preferring the silence over making it worse. He can quietly await her judgment.

In the end, she softly asks: “Do you- Are you- Are you still a killer now? I- I mean, you haven’t killed anyone recently, but- but is it still…” she trails off.

“Is it still something I do?” Oliver fills in the rest of the sentence for her.

Thea nods.

“I don’t know,” he shrugs. “I could still kill someone, if my life depends on it or the life of someone I love. I- I don’t know how I’d feel. I hope I’ll feel bad, but maybe it’s too ingrained now. I didn’t feel bad when I killed the Count. But he had Felicity. I tried to kill Ra’s, but I don’t know how I would have felt if I had succeeded.”

It’s quiet for a beat, then Thea asks: “How did you feel after the first time?”

“Sick,” Oliver answers quite easily. “It was an accident, I got lucky. We rolled down a hill, he hit his head on a stone, I didn’t. I took his clothes, never learned his name, but I’ll never forget his face.”

“That’s- that’s horrible, Ollie,” Thea says. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright,” he smiles at her, pretending that it’s not a lie. That first kill was a turning point for him and he knows it. It was necessary. He would have died otherwise. But sometimes he lets himself wonder who he would be, if he had never taken a life. He had hoped Thea would never have to wonder, but here she is.

Shado comes to him, and he says: “The second time was somehow less bad. I felt justified. I shot this man, who’d been tormenting us for a year. He had a knife to my friend. Killing him saved her. Saved all of us. It was heat of the moment. The third time was the worst, more purposeful. Beat a man to death with a rock. I didn’t have to. The others told me to stop, but I didn’t. I just kept hitting until he stayed down.”

He doesn’t look at Thea directly, but he sees her perk up with interest and a bit of horror and confusion. He knows he rarely talks about those years. Thea has always been curious about them, wanting him to open up, but having resigned herself to never knowing.

Oliver had resolved to never tell, yet being here, back on Lian Yu, it makes all those memories come to the surface. It makes him want to share a bit of it with Thea.

“A friend,” he continues, voice growing tight as he talks about Shado, “told me that nothing can make you something you’re not. Everyone has a demon inside of them. She talked about the Ying and the Yang; the opposing forces inside all of us. The darkness and the light, the killer and the hero.”

He gives himself a second to remember her, standing in that lake with him, gently cleaning his face of the blood he spilled in her defense.

Then he takes a deep breath and looks at Thea again. “I used to let the killer lead, now I’m trying to balance what I did as a killer by trying to be a hero. You’ve had your darkness, but you also have your light. You’ve killed, but you’re not a killer. You can become one, but you can also become a hero. And I know you’re more a hero than a killer, Speedy.”

Thea, for the first time since she found out, smiles at him. It’s a bit wobbly and watery, but it’s a smile. He’d give anything to keep her smiling, no matter how little. “Thank you,” she says.

“Course.”

She scoots a bit closer to him and he lifts his arm, so she can crawl under it like she used to do as a little kid, a small tear in his heart healing when she still does so, instead of recoiling away from him after all she’s learned about him today. Maybe this whole not lying thing is working. Maybe he’s finally getting his sister back.

They stare into the flames together, before Thea teasingly asks: “So, are you going to tell me more about this lady friend of yours that you made here?”

Shado’s death still haunts him, but he doesn’t want her memory to die due to his own guilt. She deserves more than that. Still, he’s said and remembered enough today already. So, he hugs Thea closer and promises: “I will, just not today.”

He is half expecting a fight, but Thea just huddles in closer and simply says: “Okay. But I do expect details when you’re ready.”

Oliver smiles at that, rewarding her kindness by saying: “I’ll tell you all you want to know. You already know her a bit, you know.”

“Hm? How so?”

“Remember that Hozen, I gave you?”

“Of course, how could I forget. The rock.” It’s a bittersweet joke and their hearts twinge in sync for the loss of Tommy.

Not wanting to dwell on it now, Oliver says: “She gave it to me.”

There’s a surprised inhalation of air. Thea likely gathered he hadn’t gotten it at the gift shop after finding out about all the Arrow things, but hearing its true origin is probably also different from what she thought. She asks: “And did you reconnect with her?”

Melancholy overcomes him as he looks to the starry sky of Lian Yu that he watched with Shado so many nights, knowing her grave is now nearby. He won’t see her again in his life, but coming here, passing on her wisdom to Thea, makes him feel a little closer to her again.

“I guess I did, in a way,” he says, then adds: “And I know that one of these days, when I don’t win, she’ll be there waiting. And I can tell her all about what I’ve been up to.”

“She’s dead?” Thea asks.

He nods.

“Is she…?” Thea is unable to ask if she is the friend he killed.

“No, not directly,” he says. He still feels guilty about Shado’s death, still feels responsible, but he’s been working to being in a better place. Working towards the light. He likes to think she’d be proud of him for not blaming himself.

Darkness and light. Killer and hero.

She saw his darkness, she saw the killer, but she knew he could be the light and the hero. He’s honoring her by working towards believing it for himself. And Thea will get there too.

A/N:

Honestly, I’m so emotional about Shado and what she meant and I was so upset at her death and how she died, like, my girl deserved so much better </3

Also very emo about Oliver getting her tattoo removed post-season 3 to symbolize him not needing it as a reminder of his guilt, because he realized he isn’t guilty and he doesn’t need that trauma on his back. Which he’s already working towards here.

#rr writing #arrow #green arrow #cw arrow #arrow cw #arrow 2012 #arrowverse #arrowverse fanfiction #thea queen #oliver queen #arrow season 3 #tw: death mention #dc #dc comics #detective comics

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schrijverr · 7 days

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The Most Important Thing

Oliver returns home with only a chest of stuff, in it is the most important thing he has; Akio’s ashes. He tries to do right by the boy, attempting to give him a good resting place. In doing so, he finds pieces of himself again.

On AO3.

Ships: none

Warnings: grief, the mention of a canonical child death and canonical character death

~~~

The chest he brings back from Lian Yu contains what little important stuff he has gathered over the last five years. It might be a pretty long time, five years, but with the way Oliver has lived, he has learned to leave all he has behind whenever he has to flee, so what he has managed to hold onto is important to him.

Of course there’s his bow, the one that once belonged to Yao Fei, then shortly to Shado, a reminder of two of his mentors. The arrows that are with it have been made by him. He can’t ever use those arrows again, knowing they can be tracked down to Lian Yu, thus also to him, however, the thought of throwing them away is too much.

There’s the hozen in there too, the one that Shado gave him. They’ll never reconnect, not until Oliver follows her to the grave, but he cherishes it anyway. The hope of reconnecting that still lingered even in purgatory.

Alongside that there are two bottles in there too, one empty and one full.

The full one is filled with proper Russian Vodka, gifted to him by Anatoli, before leaving him on Lian Yu again. He told Oliver to take it, in case he became homesick, it’s surprising how much Oliver does feel homesick, despite going back to Starling.

The empty bottle, is one he collected from the fuselage, before allowing A.R.G.U.S. to take him back to the main land, so he could go to Russia to fulfill his promise to Taiana. It’s the empty bottle of Australian liquor that he drank with Sara and Slade, before it all went to shit. The last good memory he has of both of them. It’s sentimental, but he can’t help it. It was such an important part of his life and not having anything physical makes him feel like the memories will slip through his fingers until only the bad is left.

He also has some functional stuff in there, like the super herbs Yao Fei had, some stuff to make a fire and other tools. A basic kit to keep himself alive. A comfort to have for the worst case scenario.

If someone were to ever know about the contents of that chest, they’d probably think that the most important thing he has, is the book his father left behind. It has been something he carried on his person for all those years, his driving force before coming home, the promise he made to do better than his father. However, that person would be wrong. The most important thing Oliver has from those five years, is the small urn that holds a third of Akio’s ashes.

Oliver never thought he would have those. Mostly because he never thought that Akio would die, the young boy such a happy kid, so far away from what his parents and Oliver did. Despite being caught up in it, Akio never felt like he would die, but he has.

But even once he had, once Oliver felt that grief so deeply, he didn’t think he’d be worthy of it. He knows that Tatsu hated him for being a part of their lives and that Maseo was more annoyed with him than friendly. It wasn’t until those few days where the three of them went rogue to stop Shrieve that they became close.

Akio’s death hit all of them hard and having the brotherly role he took on for Akio be acknowledged by his parents after his death, pushed him to do what he had done to Shrieve, the anger at it all overtaking him as he let his inner darkness lead.

Back then, he saw how Akio’s death tore Tatsu and Maseo apart, their family breaking down. He would’ve given anything to fix it, to bring Akio back, but there was nothing to do.

A part of him thought of his family then, how his own death has affected them, but he couldn’t go home after that. He isn’t like Akio, young and innocent, he’s a killer.

But now he is here, coming home with his chest full of memories, being reunited with loved ones while Akio never will be.

It’s weird being home.

The house seems to have been stuck in time with only minor changes here and there. Back when he was here with A.R.G.U.S. it felt comforting, but now it’s strange. As if time hasn’t moved on here, while it did for him.

Yet, everything is different too. The people especially. Thea isn’t a child anymore and his mother has a heaviness in her shoulders, not to mention the new presence of Walter, whose stuff is scattered in the house too. It makes it all feel a little unreal, a shade off, a mimic of what he used to know.

He knows he’s different too, just like them, but he’s a new person, while they all seem close enough to who they used to be to give him an uncanny valley feeling.

His room feels the most normal. Like his mother had said, nothing has changed inside, making it feel like a shrine to the boy he used to be, the boy that died on that boat. It feels almost ritualistic to sit inside the corpse of who he used to be and go through that chest of things that he is, tainting the memory of his old self with who he is now.

It’s then that he sees Akio’s ashes again, having tried to forget about them for the past two years as he threw himself in danger to forget about who he had become.

Most of the stuff will go to his base of operation whenever he sets that up, both because of the usefulness of some things as well as to keep it all away from prying eyes. What he has gone through is private and he doesn’t want to share it with the people here, doesn’t want to bring those years home more than he already has.

However, it feels wrong to hide Akio like that. The kid was a bright light, someone good, not someone who lurked in the shadows. He shouldn’t be left in that chest in a warehouse somewhere out of shame. He should have a home.

Oliver takes out the small urn, cradling it in his hands carefully, as if it’s as fragile as a newborn baby.

With as much gentleness as his hands are still capable off, he takes it to his desk and puts it down. It immediately feels wrong, as if it’s some frivolous decoration in his lavish room. The nightstand and few shelves are also wrong.

Frustration wells up in him, as well as a deep heartache. He can’t even memorialize Akio right, what were they thinking entrusting him with such a precious thing?

He puts the urn back in the chest and gets behind his computer, researching Japanese funerary customs. Most things should happen in the first 100 days, which means Oliver has already missed all of them. Akio is also supposed to be in a family grave, but his family doesn’t exist anymore, having been ripped apart and scattered, much like Akio himself.

A thickness gathers in his throat, making it hard to swallow, but he pushes it all down. He can’t afford to break down, he isn’t worthy of grieving Akio, when he hasn’t done anything to honor the boy properly.

According to the article he found, there’s supposed to be a photo of Akio on the altar at home. He wonders if Tatsu or Maseo have one, or if Akio has gotten none of the rites he deserved.

Oliver himself might be able to get his hands on a photo of Akio, but he would have to involve someone and it’ll likely be a still from a security camera. All that, not to mention having the photo somewhere visible, would invite too many questions.

Still, the idea of an altar doesn’t leave him. He has also found some people saying that the Japanese burn incense for the dead, though it also might be more Chinese. Oliver feels so very out of his depth, but he’s trying so hard to do right by Akio. Maybe since the boy lived in China for a while, he would appreciate it?

So, when he is out in the town by himself, having ditched his new bodyguard Diggle, he gets wood as well, before going to the Foundry.

The dank basement feels more like home within seconds of him being there. He fits better in the shady base of operations than in the nice house 20 miles outside the city. If he makes it better, a little nicer, it’ll be a good place to honor Akio. Not what he deserves, but better than Oliver has given him before now.

It takes a few weeks, before he deems it all good enough. The club is still being built upstairs, but the basement is already done. It’s good. Not the warmest place, but functional and safe. Oliver feels safe. He hopes Akio will too.

He takes much care in constructing the altar, having researched it and learned that it’s called a Butsudan. It’s small and simple, Oliver hopes the care he put into it makes up for that.

Along with the altar, he has gotten a few boxes of incense sticks and a holder. He can’t risk the smell too much until the club opens and the smell of alcohol covers it, but he still burns one when he goes out that night, feeling much better than he has in a while. He knows he can never do enough, but he’s doing something.

When Diggle gets brought in, he doesn’t comment on the altar. The urn is small and doesn’t look too much like an urn as they know it here, so maybe he just thinks Oliver became spiritual while on the island. The herbs he has and the mention of Yao Fei doesn’t exactly discourage the notion, so Oliver lets him believe what he wants.

Neither of them speak about it, Diggle letting Oliver burn incense there without a complaint, until they bring in Felicity.

It has become normal for him to light an incense stick, before going out for the night. The space has become infused with the smell, making him faintly nostalgic for his time in Hong Kong, despite how it ended. It’s a comfort.

He doesn’t think much about doing it, the ordeal having become a ritual as much as suiting up and counting his arrows is. Until Felicity pipes up: “Is that a good luck thing or something? That wasn’t a judgment, by the way. Everyone has their superstitions, I mean, when I went to MIT I used to wear my good luck earrings to every exam. It just surprised me, since you’re, you know, always grumpy and practical. Not that there’s something wrong with that, you just don’t seem the type.”

Oliver lets her finish her babble, having clammed up when she mentioned it. Thinking about Akio still isn’t very easy for him, talking about him is even more difficult.

He doesn’t feel like explaining, doesn’t feel like opening that wound again and inviting all the questions about what he was doing in Hong Kong. Diggle might know that he wasn’t always on Lian Yu, but the can of worms shaped like Amanda Waller is one he’d like to keep closed.

However, he also thinks of what he’s read, the reasons he had for not having a picture of Akio. Now it seems Felicity might be his answer.

So, he answers: “It’s a Butsudan. It’s a Japanese Buddhist altar. They use it to pay respect to Buddha and family members that have died. The burning incense thing is more Chinese, to please the passed spirit.”

“I didn’t know you’re a Buddhist,” Felicity comments.

“I’m not.”

“Oh…”

It’s quiet for a second, none of the people there knowing how to continue. Felicity is too new and doesn’t know if she can push, while Oliver is awkward about communication in general, so it’s Diggle, who puts them all out of their misery. “So why the altar?”

“For Akio,” Oliver says, having to push himself to get the name over lips. “His family was Japanese, but they lived in Hong Kong.”

“Is this the you not always being on that island?” Diggle asks. “When you found your father’s message about his list.”

“It’s related,” Oliver doesn’t give much away.

“Wait, you weren’t always on the island?” Felicity interrupts, not having heard that before. “Did you start out in Asia? But then how would you get there? And why? Like-”

“Long story,” Oliver cuts her off, before she can gain steam. Before she can reply, he adds: “That I won’t tell.”

“Why not?” Felicity questions, always so ready to stand up to him when she doesn’t agree with him, despite her caution surrounding some topics.

“It’s classified.”

“Classified?” Diggle repeats, brow raised.

“Yes,” Oliver grits out, not liking the inquisition this has turned into. So he gives Akio one more glance, then pulls the hood up, allowing the monster to take over as he leaves the Foundry to put the fear of god and a few arrows in some rich socialite.

After that, he doesn’t feel like bringing it up. Those five years were his purgatory, the place between who he was and who he is. A liminal thing that is best not spoken off. The things he went through shaped him, but they aren’t things he wants to discuss.

It’s not until Vertigo comes back again and he is falling out with Tommy even more that the topic comes up again.

Lance has been furthering his hate campaign against both Oliver and Tommy, coming back with a warrant that forces Oliver to open up the door to the basement. A fear grips his heart, knowing what they will find down there, though he doesn’t show it.

It’s ridiculous to think, but Oliver hopes he’ll be able to claim that he didn’t know. Otherwise, he’ll just have to break out of prison, he’s used to life as a fugitive anyway.

His biggest fear is about everything of sentimental value he has down there. All the things that mean so much to him that will be taken to evidence lock up. God, what about Akio?

With a feet like cement, he follows Lance and Tommy down the stairs, Laurel and more boys in blue behind them. Tommy flicks on the power, saying something about how the place is a mess, but Oliver doesn’t hear a thing, too taken aback by the state of the basement.

Everything’s gone.

Tommy covered for him.

He’s been pissed at Oliver ever since he found out and it hasn’t been helped by the past day, but still he covered for him. It reminds him of when they were kids and a warmth spreads in his chest. Affection, a novelty still to feel that. To feel any positive feelings really.

“So if you don’t have anything to hide, why didn’t you want the inspector down here?” Lance asks, not ready to let it go.

Oliver is letting Tommy take the wheel completely here, the other has always been better at bullshitting and lying than he is. Indeed, Tommy has an answer ready: “Well, the ventilation system hasn’t been updated since the 60s. We really shouldn’t even be open.”

It’s clear Lance doesn’t like the fact that Tommy has an answer ready as much as Oliver does, so he jabs at something else. “So why does it smell like a temple in here? Are you trying to cover something?”

Again, Oliver is silent, but now for a very different reason. He’d been so glad that he wasn’t going to prison for the rest of his life, that he hadn’t thought about what Tommy might have done with his stuff. He removed everything, including Akio. Who knows where the urn might be now? Breathing is suddenly a little more difficult.

“We burned incense all around the property,” Tommy says. “The whole place smelled like old steel and pipes that had been leaking. Upstairs it all wafted away and got replaced by spilled beers, but down here? Like I said, the ventilation system is shit.”

It’s a good story, great even. Lance has nothing to say and leaves, obviously displeased as he goes up the stairs, men in tow.

Tommy and Laurel follow, the couple wanting to talk about what just happened. Normally, he would feel a stab at it. Though he’s fine with them dating, it takes time to get used to it. However, he’s too distracted now, staying downstairs to look for his stuff, desperately hoping to find Akio somewhere.

A few moments later, Tommy is back on the stairs, eyes following Oliver coldly and his arms crossed. After a beat, he asks: “Is there something you want to say to me?”

“Thank you,” Oliver throws back absentmindedly, still searching between the boxes as he starts to suspect his stuff has been taken off the property, hoping he’s wrong. He needs to see Akio, safe and okay. As soon as possible.

“No, I meant what you were thinking when Lance accused me of dealing drugs out of the club,” Tommy tells him, stalking over to him.

It’s not a conversation Oliver feels capable of having right now. The only stuff he still has an attachment to is gone, the things that make him feel safe, make him feel like himself, are gone. Akio is not there, the one important thing he has been able to do for the boy he failed, has disappeared, and he’s panicking.

“Where is my stuff?” he asks, not at all replying to what Tommy has just said.

“Really?” Tommy scoffs. “You’re not even going to admit to it?”

“Where’s my stuff, Tommy?” Oliver repeats, knowing he sounds a little desperate.

“I’m not telling you anything, until you have this conversation with me. How could you think that little of me? What have I done in the past six months since you’ve been home that made you think I could do such a thing?”

“You don’t understand, I need to know where it is,” Oliver says, gripping Tommy’s shoulders to look at him. “Please, just tell me. I just need to know about the wooden shrine, with the doors and the incense holder. There is this- it looks like a tin, or- or a can. Did you see it? Do you know where it is? I just need to know if it’s safe.”

Tommy is looking at him strangely, which Oliver can’t blame him for. Usually he hides his panic behind a mask of stoicism, but right now he’s incapable of that. He must look a little frazzled, maybe even visibly scared. Or crazed to go with Tommy’s other opinions of him.

“It’s with the other stuff all the way in the back in a box on the bottom,” Tommy answers still frowning. “And I was careful with all of it, I don’t know what kind of dangerous shit you have with all you do. I didn’t want to die while covering your ass.”

Oliver doesn’t even register how pointed the comment is, already having let go and halfway across the room.

It doesn’t take much effort to lift the top box off, so he can open the one underneath. The chest with all he holds dear is in it, with next to it the Butsudan with its doors closed, yet upright.

Carefully, he lifts it out of the box and puts it on the ground, before opening it up to check the inside. The urn is still upright and the lid still on it, nothing has been spilled. Akio is safe. Finally he can let out a relieved breath.

Needing to assure himself further, he takes the urn, hugging it to his chest as he closes his eyes briefly and bows his head. He doesn’t pray, god has long since abandoned him, but he does send a wish to Akio, the wish that he’s okay, wherever he might be.

Behind him, Tommy radiates confusion and maybe a little judgment. When Oliver doesn’t move, he snipes: “So, is finding that really more important than having a conversation about this? Is it a magic altar or something? Did you find the mystical arts alongside shooting people with a bow classes while you were away, is that it?”

Oliver decides that it’ll be better not to inform Tommy of the magic he indeed encountered while away. It probably won’t go over well to tell him one of the tattoos he has is magical. However, the comment still hurts a bit too and his brain is too overloaded to come up with anything other than: “It is… It’s Akio.”

“Akio? What’s that?” And it’s so weird to hear the name be said by anyone else. By Tommy. It doesn’t fit in his mouth, doesn’t fit in this city.

“He- uhm,” Oliver clears his throat. “I met him-” Fuck, he can’t tell Tommy this, he can’t tell him he was in Hong Kong, not when Tommy was there too, not when he’s mad and might tell everyone about it. On top of that, tears start to burn in his eyes.

Concerned and a little shrill, Tommy asks: “Akio was a person?”

Wordlessly Oliver nods, because he’s already said too much, but he also knows that whatever he says, it will never be enough.

“What the hell, man. I thought you were alone on that island.”

It’s a lot. It’s too much. The memories wash over him again and Tommy’s voice feels like an interrogation, as if he’s back in Hong Kong again. Back with Waller and A.R.G.U.S..

After some struggle, Oliver manages to choke out: “Was alone most of the time. He died.” The lie mixed with the bitter truth tastes foul in his mouth. How can he just erase Tatsu and Maseo from the story of their boy?

“And you just took his ashes with you and built a shrine?” Tommy asks, sounding as if he can’t believe what he’s saying, as if Oliver is a stranger to him.

“He’s Japanese, I wanted to give him a proper rest,” Oliver says.

“What happened to you out there?” Tommy asks, much like he had done during his welcome home bash. Tommy must realize that, because he adds: “And don’t feed me some bullshit line about just being happy to be alive.”

“Well you should be,” Oliver snaps, all his usual emotional defenses down until only anger remains in their place. He glares at Tommy, hackles raised. “Being alive is more of a privilege than you can ever imagine.”

As he talks he gets up from his knees, urn still cradled to his chest, but getting into Tommy’s face as he spits: “I don’t owe you jack shit about what happened to me. What I’ve seen out there, is nothing like you can imagine. It changes you in ways life here doesn’t.”

Tommy was stepping back, but now he gets right back in Oliver’s face, anger overtaking him as well. “So that’s it? You think I haven’t changed?”

“Before I left, you played hard. You played with bad people, who were into bad stuff.”

“So did you, Oliver. So, did you. And just because I haven’t gone through whatever you did, doesn’t make it that I can’t change. And just because you did, doesn’t mean you’re better than me,” Tommy yells.

Oliver just looks at him, flabbergasted. He is the worst. In what world does Tommy live in that he genuinely thinks that Oliver thinks he’s better than him?

When Tommy continues, his voice is low with an odd edge to it. “I have no idea what you’re capable off, if I’m going to be next on your list. You are a complete mystery to me. I have no idea how you find it so easy to kill people. So yeah, you don’t owe me jack shit about what happened to you, but next time you decide to think the worst of me, imagine what I now think of you.”

And with that, Tommy turns and walks away. As he walks, Oliver spots shaking hands that Tommy balls into fists, making him realize that the edge in Tommy’s voice was fear. Tommy is scared of him.

His fingers tighten involuntarily, reminding him of the urn he’s still holding. Back in Hong Kong he was arguably worse than he is now, but Akio never saw him like that. Akio was never scared of him, always trusted him and wanted to play with him. He misses that now, misses someone who was aware that he was doing some violent stuff with bad men, but who still liked him and trusted him to keep them safe.

The closest thing to Akio he has now is Felicity and even that isn’t the same, because she has been vocally against his violence on a few occasions.

Still, he doesn’t deserve her, much like he hadn’t deserved Akio. He’ll probably lead her right to her death, much like he does with everyone he comes in contact with. Tommy is smart to stay away, to be scared. He should be. They all should be.

He puts the Butsudan back where it always is, before leaving the basement behind him. He needs a drink or something.

Oliver is barely at the bar and pouring himself a drink when Diggle comes in, saying he saw an angry Tommy in the parking lot and wondering what his problem is. With the mindset Oliver’s in, it’s easiest to push everyone away and he does so to Diggle quite spectacularly.

The moment Diggle is gone, he hates himself again. These people put up with who he has become, who he is. Diggle most of all. And he gets it. Just like Oliver gets him. Gets not being able to move on until you’ve hurt someone as badly as you’ve been hurt, in a way it’s what this whole crusade is about. Not to mention what he did to Shrieve in Akio’s name.

However, he doesn’t know how to deal with any of that, beyond working and ignoring it. So he sets to work rebuilding the base into the safe zone it has always been, trying to stabilize himself once more by creating that comfort he associates with the space. And when Felicity arrives, he deflects about Diggle and goes on as usual, continuing the mission.

He’s beyond glad when Diggle still shows up to get his ass out of trouble when it proves to be more than he could handle. Though guilt tears him apart too. How is it that good people keep coming back for him? What has he done to deserve that?

He wants to do better, wants to be better. It doesn’t work with Tommy, but he’ll try again with Diggle. Because Diggle is a good person, who has done so much for him, and Diggle is a solider, who is capable of his own violence and understands why Oliver has to be violent sometimes too. He is the man who has his back and Oliver owes it to him to return that favor.

When Diggle easily puts sand over what passed between them, he is beyond grateful to him. Oliver isn’t sure where he’d be without Diggle in his corner.

The two have just made up when Felicity comes back down, saying: “Oh thank G-d. I was so worried about you fighting. I am horrible when people fight. Not to make it about me. Just happy you guys are friends again.”

Oliver smiles automatically, her babbles soothing to him in a way he can’t describe. Sincerely, he says: “Thank you, Felicity. For pointing Diggle my way.”

“Of course,” she smiles back at him, plopping down at the desk. She cracks her neck and stretches, before groaning: “Ugh, it’s going to be a long night, putting my whole set up back together.”

It’s not too late, the club hasn’t even opened fully yet and the fight had happened early. If it weren’t such an emotional night, he would have been suited up again to go out on a patrol. However, redoing the base will take them quite a bit and it won’t be the first late night Felicity has had since joining up. Guilt floods his chest.

“You can go home and we’ll set up,” Oliver offers. She has already done so much for him, he should easy her burdens where he can.

“Nuh-uh,” Felicity shakes her head vigorously. “Do you have any idea how much work I put into this set up? You’re good at your punchy-punch, but this requires delicacy and accuracy. You go use your sculpted muscles – very nice muscles – which are useful, useful is important here, shutting up about that now... Just use the- uhm, the muscles to reset the rest of the base.”

She’s slightly flushed at the end of it and Oliver can’t help but chuckle. His guilt is alleviated and he feels lighter than he has in a while, she always has that effect on him. The cloud shaped like Tommy still hangs over him, but he has hope now that it might turn out better later, after he’s given the other some air.

Diggle and Oliver carry around all the supplies Tommy had brought down there, while Felicity fiddles with her computers. The silence is companionable and they all enjoy it.

Felicity is done before them with the physical aspect, but is still setting up digitally when Oliver and Diggle wrap up their part. By unspoken agreement, the two settle in to wait until she’s done too, the three of them together remaking the base into a home.

Oliver gazes at the altar for Akio absentmindedly, letting the smell of incense invade his nostrils.

Telling Tommy about Akio today, though little and riddled with lies as it was, felt strange. Tommy obviously thinks he’s crazy for having shrine to a random person and it makes him wonder what his two partners must think. They have a little more information than Tommy, but not much more.

Today has shown him that trusting in his friends, opening up about himself, might be smart if he wants to avoid another fight like he had with Tommy.

Besides, he wants to do right by Akio, give him the proper rituals he would have had were he home in Japan. Felicity can get him a photo without it giving everything away. Not talking about Akio for his own comfort is selfish.

With a blink he refocuses his eyes, turning his gaze on Felicity. He speaks up: “Felicity?”

“Yeah?” she asks, looking up at him with questioning eyes. “What can I do you for? Not- not do you, but like what can I do for you. That wasn’t a pass.”

Her usual awkwardness soothes Oliver’s nerves a little. “I know,” he says with a small smile. “I was wondering if you could get me a photo of someone.”

“Sure, if they’ve ever been near a camera, I can do that. Whose photo do you need?”

Oliver takes a deep breath, then takes the plunge. “Akio Yamashiro. He lived in Hong Kong in 2010, but born in Japan. You won’t find records of him after that. I want one for the Butsudan.”

Felicity’s eyes grow wide at his request and he sees Diggle shift in his periphery. He knows they’ve been curious about him not always being on the island ever since he first mentioned it, so he steels himself for the questions.

They don’t come.

Instead, Felicity just nods and smiles: “Of course, Oliver,” as she starts to type, leaving Oliver confused as he stares at her.

His focus snaps to Diggle when the man snorts. After making a soft confused noise, Diggle explains: “You have a puppy like confused face, man. It’s kind of funny. We’re not gonna ask after classified things, I get it.”

“And I get not pushing sensitive emotional things with you, Mr. Grumpy,” Felicity adds. “You’ll tell us when you’re ready.”

A wave of affection crashes over him at that. These two people do so much for him, from the big things to the small things. They don’t expect him to be someone he’s not, they never knew him before and are patient in getting to know him now. Oliver doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to convey how much that means to him. With a tight voice he tries anyway. “Thank you.”

Diggle and Felicity both give him smiles, before they go back to their tasks; Felicity to her computers, while Diggle cleans his gun. Oliver could be sharpening arrows, but he enjoys the moment of peace too much.

The peace is broken a few minutes later by a gasp from Felicity that she quickly tries to muffle. She clears her throat, but keeps looking at the screen as she says: “I found some photos. Uhm, from- from his school, but also from security cams in Hong Kong, if you want to pick one.”

Oliver is out of his seat immediately, but approaches the desk cautiously. He hasn’t seen Akio’s face in years.

On the screen, Akio stares back at him, the image punching the air out of his lungs. He looks exactly like Oliver remembers, happy and a little mischievous, even in the school picture from 2008. It’s from Japan, before the Yamashiro family was relocated to Hong Kong.

However, what catches his eye the most are the security camera stills. The ones are likely from A.R.G.U.S. or Shrieve’s operation, on the record only because they’d been used as blackmail or to track them all. Whatever the case may be, his eyes can’t help but be glued to them.

Diggle appears behind him, taking in a sharp breath as he sees the photos the other two are looking at.

There’s one of Maseo hoisting Akio in the air, a happy smile on his face, while in the background Tatsu watches them fondly from her seat on a bench. Another one is of Akio at an intersection, holding one of Tatsu’s hands while she carries a bag of groceries in the other. The one that catches his eye the most though, is of Akio in the botanical garden of Hong Kong, happily talking about seeing his parents soon.

Oliver knows, he remembers that moment, he himself is in the background of that still. It must have been from seconds before they spotted the bad men, as Akio called them, when they were forced to flee again. One of the last days Akio was alive.

It hits him all over again that Akio is dead. That he’s never coming back. That Oliver was too late to stop that outbreak and now he’ll never go to the botanical garden with his parents again.

Without his permission, a tear slides down his face. He has never allowed himself to cry for Akio, never allowed himself to grieve properly, too much blame on his shoulders. He still carries that blame now, but the emotions overwhelm him at seeing Akio once more and he can’t stop them.

He doesn’t sob, doesn’t even cry properly – at this point, he doesn’t know if he can still cry properly at all – just stares as tears leak down his face, as if his eyes are faulty faucets.

It takes him a while, before he gathers himself enough to say: “I- I’d like to have the school picture and the one in the bo-” a shuddering breath “-botanical garden.”

Wordlessly Felicity sends them to the printer, a hush hanging over the room. Softly and gently, Felicity breaks it, saying nothing more than: “He was nine.”

She sounds shocked and horrified, and Oliver realizes that neither of them knew who Akio was, that they probably assumed he was an adult like Oliver, that they worked together or something and that he died on a mission. Not this. Not the horrid truth that a child had been caught in the cross hairs of Oliver’s world and died as a result.

“I worked with his father,” Oliver replies, feeling the need to explain. “He and his wife housed me while I was there. I was Akio’s- I was… I was his big brother.”

“Says he died as a result that chemical accident, you were there for that?” Felicity asks, not to pry, but to understand, to give him room to process it verbally should he want to. Oliver can tell she doesn’t expect a reaction.

“Not an accident,” he grits out, all the anger at Shrieve and Waller rising back up inside of him as he hears the cover up.

“That the classified thing you can’t talk about?” Diggle comments, immediately picking up on the implication.

Oliver nods curtly.

His throat is now completely closed up and he knows he can’t say another word, even if he wanted to. Akio’s death was a result of a mission he couldn’t complete, a mission he failed. He came back to Starling with another mission. He can’t fail it. He can’t fail it like he did this one. No innocents will get hurt because of him ever again.

Tommy might not know who he is anymore, might think he’s a monster that kills so easily, and while it is true that death comes swiftly in his hands, Oliver knows that Tommy never has to fear him. He’d never hurt someone defenseless, much like he couldn’t kill the Count today. He wasn’t enough to protect Akio, but he will be enough for everyone else.

With that, he turns away from the screens. He will be enough for everyone, but it won’t change what happened to Akio. The failure weighs heavily on him and he needs a moment to process and reset.

Oliver leaves the Foundry without another word, driving himself home and crawling under his covers. Tonight the Hood doesn’t grace the city with his presence, tonight Oliver finally lets himself grieve.

The next day, he comes back to their base, unsure of how the others will act. Diggle keeps up his professionalism when they’re out and about, but in here he becomes his friend instead of bodyguard and that changes things.

But neither of them say anything. It seems they meant it when they told him they won’t ask him about it. It’s weirdly comforting to be allowed to go at his own pace.

Though it appears that not asking about it, doesn’t mean not acting. The pictures he chose yesterday are on the shrine, both of them framed in beautiful, fitting frames. It looks like a proper memorial, like the resting place Akio deserves. He nearly chokes up again at the sight.

He doesn’t thank them for it, but he’s sure it shows on his face with the way they smile kindly at him.

After that everything unravels quickly. The conspiracy behind his father’s book becomes clearer and clearer, until it is a race against the clock to save the city.

Watching part of the Glades go down from a rooftop and then finding Tommy in the rubble, slowly bleeding out, makes him flash back to Hong Kong. How the three of them worked so hard to stop it, failing and walking through the aftermath, but thinking their loved ones were safe, only to return and find that to be false.

Oliver sits next to Tommy and weeps, weeps until he has to flee, even doing that clumsily, because he can’t look past his tears. Tommy is gone. His best friend is gone. How can he live in a world without Tommy in it? How did Tommy do it when he went missing? How could he bear it?

On autopilot he goes back to the base, praying to find it semi in tact. If he comes home to find Felicity buried, he isn’t sure what he’ll do.

The structure is thankfully still standing and he stumbles inside and down the stairs, needing to see her right now.

He finds her, still sitting under her desk, likely hiding under something heavy just in case the whole thing came down.

His eyes zero in on her arms, a tidal wave of emotions overtaking him when he sees that she’s cradling Akio’s ashes and the pictures of him, making sure they were safe and wouldn’t fall from their shrine during the quake.

Felicity kept Akio safe when he couldn’t. He wasn’t there for Akio when he needed him. Again. Just like he wasn’t there for Tommy. Like he wasn’t there for all those people buried in the rubble out there, dead because he was too late to stop it all.

He came back to Starling to complete his mission, to save the city, to do right by everyone like couldn’t for Akio. But he hasn’t done anything right. Hundreds are dead because of him. Tommy is dead because of him. He has failed. Again. He can’t save anyone and he doesn’t know why he ever thought he could. He’s a monster, made to destroy. Not some hero.

His eyes meet Felcity’s, she starts to say something, but before she can, he turns around and leaves, not sparing her another glance.

Oliver doesn’t stop moving. He keeps running, running away from the memories of Akio, from the city filled with tragedy, from the fact that there will be a funeral held for Tommy. He barely stops for long enough to make sure his mom and sister are safe, before he runs the final stretch, right back to hell, to Lian Yu; the punishment he deserves.

It takes him months and a lot of convincing to leave the island behind him again. Lian Yu has become his home and his prison. If he were to leave, it is with the knowledge that he will never try his hand at being a hero again. It was on Lian Yu that he was first shaped into what he is now, into a monster. Being back here served as a reminder that he can’t change that about himself and he shouldn’t try.

Heroes tragically sacrifice themselves for others, they don’t make it home. Survivors make it home and they do so, because they’ve become killers. Oliver should keep reminding himself that he is a survivor, not a hero.

However, the city has not gotten better in his absence. In fact, people have taken his failed attempt at trying to better it, to make it worse. It’s oddly poetic, in a way.

At first, Oliver wants nothing to do with it. He keeps reminding himself of the lesson his self enforced exile was supposed to teach him. But these Hoods make it very hard. They’re his creation, he should do something about them.

The moment he gives in, Felicity is grinning, pulling him down the stairs to show him her remodeling.

The renovations take his breath away. Instead of a dark basement that could be the hide out of any common criminal with sense, it’s a sleek base of operations… a home. It feels right, if he wants to do things differently this time.

As he inspects everything, his eyes fall on the spot where the Butsudan was. It’s still there, though replaced by a nicer and slightly bigger altar. On it are the pictures of Akio and his ashes, however, they’re now joined by a photo of Tommy as well.

Felicity notices him watching and hugs his arm as she says: “We kept the incense burning while you were away.”

A lump forms in Oliver’s throat at the news. He had always thought he would have to do it alone, that no one would get it and join his mission, that the only time he would have allies was during those five years, when he was a monster working with other monsters, while the few good people that were there died.

However, Dig and Felicity prove him wrong. They have made themselves at home next to him, continuing in his absence. It’s almost effortless how they’ve fit themselves amongst the important stuff he has gathered over the years. How they expanded what he held dear until it can’t fit inside a chest anymore.

Oliver is forever grateful to them. Especially for keeping Akio’s memorial going. He hopes the boy is proud of what he is doing there, that he’s happy Oliver is still making sure the bad men won’t get anyone.

A/N:

I don’t think I’m ever going to be normal about the fact that Oliver has a part of Akio’s ashes, that those were given to him. Like can you imagine? The fact that they never mention that again is wild to me. He has hIS ASHES!

Also, disclaimer: I am not Asian, so while I did try and research Japanese (and a little Chinese) funerary rites, I claim no expertise, so all of the info is what I found online, if someone knows more and wants to share, I’d love to learn more :D

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schrijverr · 9 days

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Self-Promote Saturday

Hi, this isn't a thing, but I'm making it one (writers and other artists feel free to join in on Self-Promote Saturday). Today's self-promote is: The Moment of Truth in Your Lies (16k)

I love this work, bc Rusty and Danny in the movie have such an interesting dynamic, so having this work to explore their friendship from the start until post-movie 3 where they get their shit together and kiss is so fun. Also, I love the heartbreak of being in love with your best friend and thinking they can never love you back. Queer emotions are something that means so much to me and I adore it when I get to write about it. So, do check out this fic if you like a good yearning, queer friendship exploration :D

(the title also makes me v tender, bc they're conmen so their whole lives are built on lies, but them together, that is that little bit of truth, of their real feelings and lives, that they have)

#rrpost #self promote saturday #self-promote saturday #ocean's trilogy #ocean's eleven #danny ocean x rusty ryan #ocean's eleven fanfic

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schrijverr · 11 days

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A Homecoming Wrapped in Lies 6

Chapter 6 out of 6

5 times Oliver didn’t come back from Lian Yu + 1 time he did

AKA I think we should talk about Oliver only being on Lian Yu for 48 hours before he was rescued and the implications of not being on a deserted island but in civilization for quite a bit of his time away.

On AO3.

Ships: none

Warnings: none

~~~

+1. Skills

Despite all he has picked up during the five years he spend from home. Three years of them, he was on Lian Yu and no matter how many people had been there, it was still an island in the middle of nowhere and certain skills are hard to learn in a different environment than the one he was in.

Sure, many people have survived without stores for food or drink, without easily available tools and no help from the modern society they’ve built. There’s a whole history of people who had lived just like he did.

However, today it’s hard to be completely isolated from it all, no cities or towns nearby, no supplies, only nature.

So, Oliver has a very particular skill set in some regards.

He knows better than to show it off. He’s pretending to be the incompetent rich boy that drowned all those years ago, he doesn’t need people to think of him as capable, that would only put him under scrutiny. Some habits are just too ingrained.

Staying inside, though, makes him feel cooped up and he has escaped his house for the yard. The greenery is real, yet strangely artificial, but Oliver can live with it, because it’s better than the stuffy halls of his childhood home.

Diggle is a few steps behind him. His presence should bother Oliver, but it doesn’t. Diggle has been brought in on the secret and it’s nice to have company without feeling the need to pretend. For all his lies about the island, he was never lonely there and pretending he wants to be, does start to suck after a while.

Therefore, he allows himself to indulge in the companionship and the silence, as well as the sounds of the outdoors – however tainted they might be.

Their estate borders on a forest, domesticated slightly, but comforting. It’s where he’s headed, having wandered about for long enough that his mom has stopped following him with her eyes from the window.

Oliver isn’t sure Diggle will follow him, but the man does so without comment. It’s the discretion that he had first observed that he appreciates about him. That silence that might not always be without judgment, but is always open minded.

Without conscious thought, his eyes scan the ground and the plants, looking to see if he recognizes anything and if he can find something edible.

As they come across them, Oliver picks up the acorns, filling his pockets with the nuts as natural as breathing. He might have been back on Lian Yu for a mere two days before they came, but before that it was three years and his body still remembers to not pass up on food.

They come across stinging nettle that he harvests skillfully without touching the prickly bits, as well as some wild leeks, wild onion and some Hen of the Woods mushrooms. Before leaving, he never appreciated just what nature had to offer, but now his eyes can’t unsee the abundance, even in his own backyard.

He’s squatting down next to an oak tree to get a few more acorns and Hen of the Woods when he is pulled out of his meditative state by Diggle, who finally tries to satiate his own curiosity by asking: “Is there a reason for the collection, Oliver?”

Surprised Oliver blinks, looking down at his hands as he realizes what he’s doing. Embarrassment floods across the back of his neck, but his face remains neutral. He replies: “Let me soak these acorns for a few days, and I can serve you some island cuisine.”

“Those are all edible?” Diggle asks.

Oliver nods.

He knows he’s safe, but his shoulders are still tense. He’s supposed to be more in control of himself, he’s more than this. He shouldn’t have slipped up.

Diggle still hasn’t asked further, but he’s dreading whatever the man might ask. He doesn’t like talking about his time away, nothing good happened and as he makes up lies, he’s only reminded of what truly happened. Besides, he already feels different enough, like a freak, which is only marginally better than a monster.

His knuckles whiten when Diggle starts talking again: “I suppose I should be glad no wild chili peppers grow here, I’m not good with spicy food.”

A surprised bark of laughter his ripped from his throat. Diggle’s voice is dry, calling back to their conversation in the car after stopping by the Chinese restaurant. Now that Diggle has seen him lie to Felicity, he’s sure the man believes it even less than he did then.

It’s strangely freeing to have his lies not be believed, but to not be judged for them, but instead teased gently. Makes him feel less broken. Makes him feel like returning home can, with time, become what he fantasized it would be when he sat in that living room two years ago, still a ghost working for A.R.G.U.S..

#rr writing #arrow #green arrow #arrow cw #cw arrow #arrow 2012 #arroweverse #arrowverse #arrowverse fanfiction #arrow fanfic #oliver queen #arrow oliver queen #cw arrow oliver queen #john diggle #a homecoming wrapped in lies #dc #dc comics #detective comics

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schrijverr · 12 days

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A Homecoming Wrapped in Lies 5

Chapter 5 out of 6

5 times Oliver didn’t come back from Lian Yu + 1 time he did

On AO3.

Ships: none

Warnings: none

~~~

5. Crowds

After five years of isolation, Oliver shouldn’t be used to crowds, to the parties he used to attend or the paparazzi swarming him. And he isn’t. But he is.

He likes crowds, even if it’s just a little bit. Crowds are great covers, good for disappearing in and for blending in, going up in the mass so you can observe unseen or escape. Though, that like for them is from before he is back to being a known face. The facelessness makes a crowd appealing and that is now gone.

The parties are also a no. The loud noise can cover a lot – he still remembers his altercation with Thea’s dealer, how easy it was to kill him without anyone noticing until he wanted the body to be found, so he could use the chaos to get out – but being at the center of a party means being a target and being unable to hear anyone coming. It’s annoyingly terrifying.

Still, the paparazzi are the worst. They get up in his face, pushing and pulling at him, hiding any attack that could be secretly carried out under the cover of their touches. They yell loudly too, make him visible in ways that can make him a target.

All these things are bad now that he’s back, things he used to like now twisted and gone. But he’s still used to them, in a way.

The crowds are still a familiar blanket when he puts in enough effort to get lost in them, the parties remind him a little of the long nights at the Bratva bars in Russia with Anatoli, even the paparazzi makes him strangely nostalgic for the gun fights he’s been in, the adrenaline it gives him allowing him to focus and center himself.

However, he’s all to aware of his mother’s gaze on him whenever they go anywhere, waiting for him to curl into a ball and cry, like he’d done that first night in his own bedroom. He can’t blame her, hell, he’s already blaming himself.

It makes it worse though. The balancing act.

Ollie Queen loved the crowds, he needs to play the old part well enough so that soon everyone will forget about what happened to him, so that they’ll move on and he won’t ever cross their minds as a suspect.

But he also needs to play castaway Oliver Queen. Needs to fool his mom, his sister and everyone that he comes into contact with that he was alone for five years, doing nothing else but survive without modern luxuries. Without crowds.

None of it makes his love hate relationship with the swarms of people any easier. He switches between the two personalities depending on who’s around him, gladly using the castaway excuse to slip away, either for his work as the Hood or to get a moment to breathe. But also using the party boy to go up in the crowds, putting himself in the spotlight, so that no one who actually wants to have a conversation with him can reach him, using the bodies of strangers as shields against loved ones.

Diggle is getting more and more suspicious, Oliver’s sure. He needs to find a reason or a good time to bring him in at some point soon, before the suspicion can get further and endanger the mission. It would be bad if something had to happen to Diggle. He likes the man.

In a way, his relationship with crowds encompasses his relationship with himself every since he’s gotten back.

His skin feels overly comfortable and familiar, yet strange and a shade off from what he’s used to. All he has come to know these past five years about interacting with people are gone, replaced with old etiquette that used to be familiar, but does not fit with who he is anymore.

Five years of isolation would have made him skittish, would have made him shy away.

But he hasn’t been isolated for five years, he’s been surrounded by people for almost all of it and none of it was friendly contact. From either side of the interaction. A part of Oliver wishes he were more skittish, that his lies were true and he’d come back a survivor instead of a killer.

Yet what ifs are useless and he is okay with being a killer, because a killer survives.

Oliver is used to having people close, close enough to snap their necks. It’s not a bad thing. Not for him. He can work with crowds, even though part of him knows he shouldn’t. Contact with him is dangerous.

#rr writing #arrow #green arrow #cw arrow #arrow cw #arrow 2012 #arrowverse #arrowverse fanfiction #arrow fanfic #oliver queen #arrow oliver queen #cw arrow oliver queen #a homecoming wrapped in lies #dc #dc comics #detective comics

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schrijverr · 13 days

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A Homecoming Wrapped in Lies 4

Chapter 4 out of 6

5 times Oliver didn’t come back from Lian Yu + 1 time he did

On AO3.

Ships: none

Warnings: none

~~~

4. Alcohol

Tommy is a bit more worried about throwing his back from the death bash after the dinner with his family, worrying if he should be drinking at all.

In a way, Oliver agrees with him. He shouldn’t be drinking. Not because he can’t handle it – after a year of drinking like a Russian he’s more than qualified to drink as much as he wants – but he has a corrupt millionaire to visit later on and, no matter how many times he’s shot straight with a gun and too much vodka in his system, he’d rather not risk it.

However, he also disagrees with Tommy. The newly returned Ollie Queen should be seen out drinking and partying. He wants people to view him as he was, as someone incapable of being who he is now.

It’s a part of why he came back in the first place, of everything he has to do. He hasn’t come back to be back, he’s come back with a reason, a mission. As much as he has liked being back with friends and family, back in Starling, he’s not here for that. He can’t afford think like that. He has important things to do.

So, he isn’t responsible and shrugs off all of Tommy’s concerns, placating him with excuses about how his liver could never forget all the fun it has had and it’ll all be fine, vomiting is part of the experience anyway.

Tommy is still concerned, that much he can see, but like everyone else in his life, he doesn’t push back too much. Everyone is scared to break him, it’s almost funny that they think they can, that they think it hasn’t happened already.

When the times comes, he plays his part, downing his shot of tequila with a loud holler, pretending to feel at home in the large crowd, a spotlight on him.

He acts a little more drunk around Tommy than he should be after the shot, trying to pull on high school memories when alcohol was still novel. He slurs: “Guess I shouldn’t’ve’d tha’ drink afta all, my liv’r forgot,” as he drapes himself over Tommy.

It’s his excuse to leave, playing it up even more for Laurel to force her away. She’s always been too good for him, even before he became the monster he is today. He doesn’t want to taint that.

After he’s shaken her off, he disappears into the hallway he has to take to get to his gear, so he can cross over and pay Adam Hunt a visit.

His chest still hurts and he wishes he’d had more than that one shot of tequila, or that his lies were true and the shot did more to him than it actually has.

He doesn’t want to go down that road. The type of drinking from before, to forget himself and get lost in the bodies around him is lost to him and he can’t go back. It’s also not the same to drink with people now, not like in the Bratva. There he drank with his family of killers, all knowing how to stay sharp, all a reminder that his guard couldn’t be down. But still a group he could be himself with. He can’t be himself with the people here, they don’t understand.

In the hallway, he runs into Diggle, who is even more suspicious of him than he’d been since the Chinese restaurant. Diggle’s a good man, one to keep his eye on. However, a distraction and obstacle for now. So he takes him out.

Later he plays drunk at the opening of the research branch dedicated to his father, honoring his memory. Only a bit of a guilty taste in his mouth, along with the alcohol.

Oliver has drunk enough to get a bit of a beep on a breathalyzer, just in case his mom pulls it out, that new sheen of too much concern that always hangs over her now not having left. However, it’s far from enough to actually effect him, so he still has to play drunk.

He can see Tommy frown, probably recognizing the way he plays tipsy, yet also smelling the alcohol on his breath. There’s a bit of suspicion in his gaze too and Oliver can’t forget how he looked when he asked him what happened on that island. But he ignores it.

Tommy can be suspicious, Laurel can hate him, mom can think he’s fragile, and Thea can think he’s being an overbearing hypocrite. How they see him doesn’t matter, getting the people he cares about back is a bonus, a nice positive side effect, but it’s not why he’s here.

Oliver has a mission.

#rr writing #arrow #green arrow #cw arrow #arrow cw #arrowverse #arrow 2012 #arrowverse fanfiction #arrow fanfic #oliver queen #arrow oliver queen #cw arrow oliver queen #dc #dc comics #detective comics #tommy merlyn #a homecoming wrapped in lies

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schrijverr · 13 days

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↖ This user appreciates likes just as much as reblogs. They understand that likes are used to show support and to mark posts for later reblogging. They know that people have more than one blog and that likes are assigned to the main blog even when reblogs occur on sideblogs.

This user is fully aware that reblogs are important in order for a post to reach a wider audience, but they still appreciate getting a ❤ because it means someone saw and acknowledged their post and making that connection with another person is important, even if the post doesn’t go any further than that.

This user knows that sometimes a like is all of the interaction you can manage with a post, and this user wants you to know that that’s totally okay. You keep scrolling, you funky little tumblrite.

This user hopes you have a great day.

#rr reblog #i know i can harp on about reblogging sometimes #but likes do still make me very happy #any note honestly is great #thank you for your support #it keeps me going

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schrijverr · 14 days

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A Homecoming Wrapped in Lies 3

Chapter 3 out of 6

5 times Oliver didn’t come back from Lian Yu + 1 time he did

On AO3.

Ships: none

Warnings: none

~~~

3. Technology

The Bratva did things old school for the most part, preferring to say off the record where possible as to not get arrested or targeted. So, they mostly relied on messengers or notes to be destroyed. Even their technology consisted mostly of burner phones.

Still, Oliver has not been entirely out of the loop and he did pick up more than a few tech skills when working for A.R.G.U.S., which are all useful for infiltration. For his mission.

So, coming back to Starling after his five years, he’s less unfamiliar with everything than he’s supposed to be.

The phone he’s been given feels natural in his hand and the icons on the screen are familiar to him. He cannot quite remember what it was like when he didn’t know any of it, and in the moment, he doesn’t think much of it as he starts to go through the settings, putting everything to his liking.

He doesn’t have a lot of numbers yet, but it’s oddly nice to have it. Oliver can’t fully explain it, but being home doesn’t fully feel real in a way, while having this phone does. It’s not a burner phone to be discarded at any moment, not one without contacts to avoid them being traced back, just a regular, permanent phone.

Thea drops down next to him on the couch, snatching the phone out of his hands – a move he saw coming, but saw no purpose in evading – and opening his contacts.

“Huh,” she says, studying the phone, “you already put my number in and everything. Here I was coming to bully you for being a techno-noob. How did you figure all this out? Last I saw you, you had HTC Touch phone.”

It’s only at that point that Oliver realizes his mistake. Installing his phone is such a normal skill that it hadn’t occurred to him that he shouldn’t have it. It’s been a part of his daily life for a year already now.

Thinking as fast as he can, he replies: “Well, I’m not a total idiot, Thea. I know how to read the little things. They do label everything, you know.”

Thea raises a brow at him, obviously not entirely believing him. It’s strange to see that child-like sharp humor she used to have be fully developed. It makes his chest ache, yet his face also forms into a smile.

“I used to be pretty good with tech before, I helped with the planes,” Oliver adds to make himself sound more credible, deciding not to bring up their father, as to not irritate newly reopened wounds.

“Whatever you say, Ollie,” Thea says, buying into it, because the alternate explanation (which would be the truth in this case) sounds absurd. Easily she continues: “Bet you didn’t see the quality photos yet, though. It’s gonna blow your mind.”

She opens the camera and pulls a silly face, snapping a picture to install it as the contact photo of her in his phone. The action further solidifies the permanence of it all, a warmth spreading through his body as she proudly shows it to him. “See!”

“Oh wow, that’s crazy,” Oliver exclaims, putting as much into his act as he can. It’s a little easier to play at it, her excitement is infectious.

“Here, I still need a photo for you,” she says, digging out her own phone and aiming it at his face as she orders: “Smile.”

He’s been trained to avoid cameras as much as possible and remain invisible. So, he freezes for a second as the camera is aimed towards him. Then it hits him that he doesn’t have to hide anymore, that he’s alive, that he’s being seen. He delights at the feeling, but it’s too late, Thea has already snapped a picture of his surprised face.

“Oh my god, you look ridiculous,” Thea giggles, saving the photo, before showing him. Then she’s on her feet, pulling him along as she says: “Come on, we have to get you photos of mom and Walter. Oh! And we can get Tommy too.”

Oliver lets her lead him out of the room, happy to cling on to this moment of joy, before he has to go and get the slip on his new bodyguard, Mr. Diggle, to set up his base further. Before he has to remember once more that his permanence here is for a reason and there are names to cross of the list and his father to avenge.

#rr writing #arrow #green arrow #cw arrow #arrow cw #arrowverse #arrowverse fanfiction #arrow fanfic #oliver queen #arrow oliver queen #cw arrow oliver queen #thea queen #dc #dc comics #detective comics #a homecoming wrapped in lies

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schrijverr · 15 days

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A Homecoming Wrapped in Lies 2

Chapter 2 out of 6

5 times Oliver didn’t come back from Lian Yu + 1 time he did

On AO3.

Ships: none

Warnings: none

~~~

2. Food

Oliver knows that saying he’s been on a deserted island by himself for five years is the best way to avoid uncomfortable questions and suspicion. However, looking down at his plate, he wishes he can tell them that he’s been in Russia for a year already and that he was in Hong Kong a bit before that, with eating shipments of normal food in between.

He knows the doctors mean well in prescribing a bland diet to help his stomach get used to eating food that isn’t fresh. When Waller fished him out the sea, she had him do it too, since his stomach wasn’t used to anything after two years of only eating wild vegetables and hunted game.

But he doesn’t need to adjust now. He’s done that already. He doesn’t want to eat this food, instead he wants to ask Raisa if she can make some of the dishes of her homeland, having grown fond of the taste, though he liked the food in Hong Kong a bit more.

Listlessly, he pokes at his plate, distaste obvious on his face. It has all the nutrients he needs and works with his story… He just also wants to pout about it.

“It’s alright, Oliver,” his mother’s voice snaps him out of his thoughts. “Soon you can stomach more and we’ll make you your favorite. I’m sure you missed lobster.”

Lobster. Of course, that used to be his favorite food. A small embarrassed part of himself is glad it wasn’t something more obscenely expensive, like caviar.

“I have,” he lies with a put on smile, deciding not to inform her of the fact that his favorite food is now dumplings, remembering the ones Tatsu used to make. The thought of his time with the Yamashiro family sends a stab through his chest and he shoves a bite of plain food in his mouth to end the conversation.

Tommy noticed his diet when he came by for dinner that first night, so he doesn’t have any luck of sneaking some nice food with him there. With his miraculous return, going outside alone only gets him unwanted attention and his family has shared every meal with him since, too happy he’s back to waste time without him. It’s sweet, but also a bit annoying.

He wants to remain as under the radar as possible, so a reprieve doesn’t come until he’s introduced to one Mr. Diggle.

Oliver fully escapes him that first day, however, having the man there means he can eat without anyone worrying he isn’t eating well, while also not having someone there that will tell him not to eat the food he wants. At least, he hopes so as he crosses his fingers when he asks Diggle to drive him to a Chinese restaurant in an unassuming part of town, praying his mom isn’t so much of a hoverer to have told Diggle about his special diet.

“Of course, sir,” Diggle says, driving away. Success!

The Chinese restaurant smells nostalgic and he breathes it in for a second with a smile, before remembering Diggle behind him. He clears his throat and makes his way over to the counter, ordering dumplings, chicken feet and the spiciest Chóngqìng xiǎomiàn soup they have to go.

He tells Diggle to order something if he wants, but the man refuses, which is no skin off Oliver’s back, so he waits until his food is done, happily taking it to the car.

They park somewhere secluded and Oliver inhales the food, unable to stop some of the happy noises he’s making as he expertly uses his chopsticks to eat. It’s almost like the food in Hong Kong, just different quality produce. It tastes like a better time.

He’s pulled out of his memories by Diggle commenting: “You must have had some spice tolerance before that island. Those aren’t easy on the tongue.”

Oliver looks up, slurping the last of his spicy noodles, feeling a bit guilty, but also observed. Watched. He doesn’t like it. He meets Diggle’s eyes in the mirror and with his best poker face, he says: “Chili peppers grew naturally on the island.”

He’s pretty sure Diggle doesn’t believe a word he says, but he also isn’t the kind of man to tattle or judge. At least, not without discretion. So, he just nods. And when Oliver’s mom mentions his sensitive stomach while Diggle’s nearby, the man does nothing but look at Oliver and raise his brows.

In return, Oliver sends him a blank innocent smile, as if he doesn’t have a clue why he’s earned that look. It might be a blow to his cover, but the food was worth it.

#rr writing #arrow #green arrow #cw arrow #arrow cw #arrow 2012 #oliver queen #arrow oliver queen #arrowverse #arrowverse fanfiction #arrow fanfic #john diggle #dc #dc comics #detective comics #a homecoming wrapped in lies

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schrijverr · 15 days

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A Homecoming Wrapped in Lies Masterpost

On AO3.

On tumbr:

Chapter 1: 1. Language

Chapter 2: 2. Food

Chapter 3: 3. Technology

Chapter 4: 4. Alcohol

Chapter 5: 5. Crowds

Chapter 6: +1. Skills

#rr masterpost #arrow #cw arrow #a homecoming wrapped in lies #arrowverse

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schrijverr · 15 days

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A Homecoming Wrapped in Lies 1

Chapter 1 out of 6

5 times Oliver didn’t come back from Lian Yu + 1 time he did

On AO3.

Ships: none

Warnings: none

~~~

1. Language

Returning home is great. He has fantasized about it for years, imagining what it would be like to be home again. Not as it was when he was here with A.R.G.U.S., sitting there while still a ghost, but actually home.

He feels a little bad about lying, but knows it has to be done. However, he didn’t count on language being such a difficult factor.

For the past year, he has spoken nothing but Russian, surrounded by the noise on the streets, in the bars and during business. Sure, there has been some English here and there, but not enough for it to feel natural.

When Raisa accidentally bumps into him that first night, it feels natural to assure her it’s okay in Russian. It’s absentmindedly, much like he would assure the girls working in the Bratva bars not even a week or so ago. He doesn’t even think about it, until the room falls silent.

Oliver manages to deflect the situation, but afterwards he’s hyper aware of his own voice when he speaks.

His intonation is different that it used to be, he sometimes forgets to add the words that Russian doesn’t have, his R rolls differently and his V can be oddly W-like from time to time. It’s all small, less noticeable since his old, natural accent starts to come back the longer he’s there. But he’s still aware of it.

To combat it, he doesn’t say much, preferring to stay silent when he can. He knows it’s worrying his family and Tommy, all of them used to the life of the party he used to be. But it’s easier to explain being quiet after five years without anyone to talk to than to explain a new accent from a country he supposedly has never been.

Still, he’s not perfect. It’s a bit stupid too. They’re eating dinner, his own plate sadly in front of him, staring up as he looks at the food he doesn’t want to eat.

He wants to ask them how their dinner is; if it’s good, if it’s better than his. But his mind just keeps supplying the Russian word, no translation coming to mind – except for the Mandarin one – even if he’s already halfway through his sentence, leaving it as: “How’s… How’s- Uhm…”

Everyone is looking at him now. He wanted to ask a mindless question, to try and get some conversation going, to refind what they used to have, to be a normal family having a meal. But even that is a minefield. Nothing is normal for him anymore.

Thea awkwardly laughs as she tries to break the tension, as desperate as he is for a bit of normal, so she comments: “What? Five years of no good conversation and you forget all the words, Ollie?”

It’s a joke. A bad one, but a nice attempt. He smiles at her, a bit of the old Oliver coming back to him, as he jokes back: “I did actually pass one English class at some point in college, Speedy. Even read a book.”

“Oh, wow, I never would have guessed,” Thea snarks back, eyes twinkling. It’s almost like she’s twelve again.

“What did you want to ask, Oliver?” his mother cuts in.

“ужин,” Oliver says, everyone giving him confused eyes. As he says the Russian, he remembers the English. He decides it sounds close enough to a sneeze that he can get away with saying: “Sorry, bless me. Uhm, I wanted to ask how dinner is.”

His mom smiles a bit sadly and the twinkle in Thea’s eyes dims again. He should’ve kept his mouth shut, he thinks.

#rr writing #arrow #green arrow #cw arrow #arrow cw #arrow 2012 #arrowverse #arrowverse fanfiction #arrow fanfic #oliver queen #arrow oliver queen #cw arrow oliver queen #thea queen #russian speaking oliver queen #a homecoming wrapped in lies

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schrijverr · 17 days

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A Second Chance at Goodbye

Instead of running into Mei in Hong Kong, Oliver and Akio run into another familiar face; Tommy. He has the most confusing experience yet, trying to keep his best friend and some kid safe, not knowing why they’re in danger or how Oliver got there.

On AO3.

Ships: none

Warnings: mentions of canonical violence

~~~

Running with Akio might not have been the smartest thing Oliver has ever done. However, at the time it was the only way to keep him alive and Oliver will do a lot to keep Akio alive. The young boy doesn’t deserve to be caught up in all of this.

The botanical garden isn’t safe, though, and no matter how badly Oliver wants to reunite Akio with his family, they have to run if they ever want to do so. Akio obviously isn’t pleased with having to leave the place where his parents were going to be, but he trusts Oliver enough to follow his lead.

Oliver doesn’t know what he has done to deserve that trust, but he cherishes it.

Tatsu and Maseo trust him with their son, Akio trusts him with his safety, Oliver refuses to let any of them down.

His time with Waller has taught him many things, like blending in. The parts he knows best are the worst for it, besides the Yamashiro house will likely be watched. If they want to disappear, they’ll have to go to the more tourist-y area, there Oliver will fit in better and Akio is harder to track, as small as he is.

He leads both of them in the right direction, taking as many twists and turns to lose their tail. His heart rate never goes down, even if they’re out of sight. His mind keeps whirring to come up with a plan beyond getting to the place where they can fit in, because they still have to locate Tatsu and Maseo, then they have to figure out why Waller crossed them and how to get out of Hong Kong without being found.

The men are still on their trail. Not in sight, but not so far they can afford to slow down. Oliver wishes he knew anyone here beyond the Yamashiros, so that he could leave Akio someplace safe and go back to take care of the men following them.

But he doesn’t, so he scans the place, more and more tourists coming in sight. These establishments are less likely to be Triad fronts, since the Triad also wants to avoid the scrutiny that comes with dealing with foreign customers. Maybe that will give them a lesser chance of being sold out and a bathroom to hide in so that they can disappear wholly for a second and regroup.

They never make it to a bathroom.

Oliver does another sweep of their surroundings, checking over his shoulder, before suddenly being in front of a very familiar face. A familiar face that should not be here.

Tommy.

Quickly Oliver calculates how fast he’ll need to get away so this won’t turn into a thing. Alone he probably could probably get away with it, but with Akio there? No chance. Besides, Tommy shouldn’t even be there, Oliver made sure he would get out of dodge. What is he doing here? He’ll need to have a stern word with his friend, since this is about to turn into shit show anyway.

“Ollie?” Tommy whispers, as if he doesn’t dare risk vocalize what he’s seeing, scared it’ll disappear. His eyes are wide and he seems completely frozen.

Behind them, Oliver hears some commotion, the men chasing them most likely. He can’t afford Tommy causing a scene. Besides, they’re looking for a duo, not a trio.

“Not here,” he hisses, grabbing Tommy’s hand and dragging him along, making sure to push Akio in front of them, so that they’d look like two Americans from the back.

“What’s happening?” Tommy asks. “How are you alive? How are you here?”

Oliver ignores him.

“Who is this?” Akio asks, sending a curious look at Tommy, but not a suspicious one. He’s too young to distrust the world like Oliver and his parents, Oliver hopes he gets to keep that.

“This is my friend, Tommy,” Oliver says with as much enthusiasm as he can. He’s always been a natural with kids and being a big brother to Akio comes easy to him. He crosses his fingers that the talent doesn’t leave him now.

“Okay,” Akio nods, easily accepting that. “Nice to meet you, Tommy. I’m Akio.”

“So the kid gets an answer?” Tommy bristles, fighting Oliver’s dragging grip. His friend has just miraculously returned from the dead in the same city Tommy’s hope was crushed a mere few weeks ago.

But he isn’t his friend at all. He’s shifty and cold, tense where he used to be easy going. There are no smiles, but a tense brow. And on top of that, he seems to have mysteriously acquired a child. A genuine, actual child. One that doesn’t look to be his.

“Yes, Akio gets an answer,” Oliver snaps. “His question is easy to answer, yours requires privacy and safety, neither of which are available right now. So if you want to live, you keep walking, right now, Tommy.”

He needs Tommy to move. He can’t have him slip through his fingers after managing to keep him out of harms way. He can’t lose Tommy. It’ll break him.

His answer shocks Tommy into walking again, which is good. What isn’t good is him being horrified as he asks: “What the hell happened to you?”

Oliver had hoped that if he were to make it home, he could hide this part of himself from his loved ones. The monster he’d become. However, Tommy is now right smack dab in the middle of it, seeing what has come of him.

“Too much,” is all he can answer. ��Do you have a hotel room nearby here? Promise to talk when we’re there.”

“You better,” Tommy says pointedly, before telling him where his hotel is.

It’s different from where he was before, probably didn’t feel safe after Oliver kidnapped him from there. Guilt churns in his stomach, but a small part – that he hates – is relieved, he knows firsthand how unsafe that place was.

The unexpected tactic of changing their look with the addition of Tommy, plus the way too expensive than smart of town that they’re going to, makes it that they’ve properly lost their tail on the way. It makes Oliver breathe a little easier.

With Tommy’s wealth comes privacy, so no one sees the trio enter the lavish room. Akio’s eyes widen as he gawks at the room. “This is so cool. Does your friend own a plane too, Oliver?” he asks, voice awed.

“He does, buddy,” Oliver replies to Akio. The small light in the darkness the kid provides is worth more than gold to him. Then he turns to Tommy, surprised he hasn’t say anything yet. Unable to help himself, he snipes: “A plane he should’ve taken anywhere but here.”

“Oh, don’t you dare,” Tommy snaps, anger returning to take over the fear from before. “I have more reason to be here than you. Everyone thinks you’re dead.”

“And that’s the best thing right now,” Oliver retorts angrily. “Do you have any clue what kind of danger you’ve put yourself in by being here?”

“It’s not like I can help it. Dad has the jet and I had to attend to business in Tokyo. My lay over had issues. What is your excuse? How are you alive and apparently in peril, which I’ve seen nothing about, by the way.”

“The bad men are trying to get us,” Akio pipes up helpfully.

“The bad men?” Tommy repeats, eyebrow high.

“Thank you, Akio,” Oliver says, giving the kid the kindest eyes he can manage right now. “Why don’t you go and take a rest while I talk to my friend here.”

Akio nods agreeable. Oliver doesn’t know what he would have done if Akio was a more difficult child. “Sure. Your friend is rude.”

That gets a chuckle out of Oliver despite it all. Amused he says: “He is rude. But I can handle him, don’t worry. Now go. Stay in sight.”

“Okay.”

“Now talk,” Tommy demands, the second Akio has sat down on the other side of the room, poking through the decorative books on the shelves. “Where did the kid come from? Or the bad men?”

Tommy says ‘bad men’ mockingly, but it’s not a joke to Oliver. He still has no clue what happened to Tatsu and Maseo. If today ends badly, the might have to tell the kid, as Tommy put it, that he’s never going to see his parents again.

“I was with his parents. We got separated,” he says tersely. Not really in the mood to play twenty questions, especially not about where he’s been these past three years.

“By the bad men?” Tommy says again, sounding disbelieving.

“Yes.”

“You can give a little more fucking information than that, Oliver,” Tommy explodes suddenly, boiling over what he’d been keeping in. “You died. We all mourned you. I went to your fucking funeral. And I’m supposed to believe you were just here, in Hong Kong? Getting caught up in god knows what?”

“Yes, who the fuck do you think kidnapped you so you would get the hell out of here, Tommy,” he hisses back. “You can’t be here, right now.”

“You were my kidnapper?” Tommy shrieks.

Okay, so, Oliver’s bad. He shouldn’t have brought it up, but he’s in now and he’s always jumped in head first, no turning back. “Yes, that was me,” he says defiantly. “It was that or put a bullet in your brain. I kept you alive.”

“What? Why the hell would putting a bullet in my brain be an option?”

“Because no one can know I’m alive. Not yet.”

“Why not!”

The yelling is escalating with every response and Oliver knows they’ll have to pipe it down if they don’t want anyone to overhear. So, he takes a deep breath, forcing himself to calm down. Tommy has every right to be mad at him, he would be too if he thought Tommy was dead only to run into him, seemingly perfectly fine.

He needs to quickly come up with something to tell Tommy, the less information, the better. He is still caught in Waller’s trap and Tommy needs to stay as far away from her as possible.

“I’m paying off a debt,” he says and it’s basically true. “These people, they saved me. They fished me out of the water. I owe them.”

Truthfully, Oliver knows he doesn’t owe Waller jack shit. She did nothing but keep him here, further shaping the monster and turning it into her personal attack dog. To her he is nothing more than a weapon to point in someone’s direction.

If you’d asked him earlier today, his answer might have been different, but that was before the attack by the boat.

Waller is the one person, Oliver has never managed to get a proper read on. He thought he had finally earned his freedom, his ability to go home, but now he isn’t sure. From one moment to the next, he’s turned into a loose end to tie up. He doesn’t need Tommy – or anyone back home – to get their hopes up, to hear from him again, only for him to die once more. He can’t do that to them, he has seen what his first death has done to them.

Now Tommy is concerned, his anger dissipating when Oliver’s did. Tommy has always been the more mellow between the two of them. It aches how easily he forgets his anger towards Oliver to worry about him. It’s a soft emotion that Oliver hasn’t afforded himself in years.

“What kind of debt are you paying?” Tommy asks.

Oliver swallows, he can’t tell Tommy about all the violence, about the darkness that has crept into his soul and blackened it. But Tommy deserves some kind of answer. “The dangerous kind. I’m dead to the world, no one will miss me if I die, no one will think me a suspect. That’s useful to some people.”

“People who want bullets in heads,” Tommy summarizes, making Oliver flinch as he hears his own words echoed back at him. He wishes he hadn’t told Tommy that.

“Yeah,” he whispers. “I can’t have you flashing my picture around town. I tried fleeing before, they threatened Thea. You know I can’t have them do anything to her.”

“God, Ollie, that’s terrible,” Tommy gasps, looking nauseated.

“I know, but it’s how it is,” Oliver replies, not actually knowing. All the shit he has been through – is still going through – has become his normal. It doesn’t register as terrible anymore.

“But if you’re use is that you’re dead, won’t they cut you free if you’re alive? Like, we need to call everyone right now, get the news out that you’re okay. They won’t be able to do anything if you’re alive right?”

It’s a good idea and if anything else happened today, Oliver would have taken it with two hands. But he still has to take care of Akio. And he doesn’t know what Waller’s plan is. He isn’t out of hot water yet.

“I haven’t completed this mission yet, people are still in danger. I have to get Akio back to his parents, they’re just as trapped as I am and I owe them a lot for their kindness. I can’t abandon him, I have to make sure he’s safe.”

“You’re really going to let everyone you know and love suffer, because you feel you owe these people?” Tommy can’t believe what he’s hearing. His mind is still reeling from all he has learned today, what kind of person Oliver has turned into, but this aches.

Tommy now knows that Oliver was within reach before, that he chose to kidnap Tommy and scare the shit out of him, crushing all hope he had to send him away. And now he’s again picking these people over his family. Over Tommy.

Oliver is the only friend he has ever had, the person he’s kept going for, because he knew Oliver would want him to, would want him to fight, so that if he miraculously survived, they could be reunited.

However, the more he talks to Oliver, the more it seems the other doesn’t want to be reunited. He talks about these dangers, but Tommy hasn’t seen anything besides Oliver’s paranoia and the kid’s account of there being bad men. He can believe Oliver is caught up in something, but he doesn’t feel trapped to Tommy, more like reluctant to leave. That chafes. Tommy wants to do something, get angry, shake Oliver until he sees sense, but he just stands there watching his friend.

Across from him, Oliver seems to hunch into himself a little, but Tommy only notices because he is observing very closely and knows Oliver well. Oliver rubs his thumb against his forefinger, appearing to be nervous.

Tommy almost believes the anguish when Oliver says: “I’m not picking them over anyone. I’m making sure no one gets hurt. If I leave now… I don’t know what will happen to these people and they’re my friends too. They’re also loved ones. I can’t just leave them behind. I also can’t risk saying I’m coming back, only to die, before I can do so. That would be worse.”

He stares into Tommy’s eyes imploringly, hoping the other will understand. Tommy doesn’t. How can these people be so important to Oliver, after everything? Is he going to leave, just like his father had?

“Come one, Tommy, say something. You know I’m right. It’ll break mom and Thea to get their hopes up, only to have them crushed.”

“I just don’t understand why you’re so certain that you might die.”

“You don’t know these people like I do. They’d kill a person for being an inconvenience. Going against them can go wrong, very wrong. I can’t risk doing that until Akio is safe with his parents. Please, believe me.”

Oliver is getting frustrated and desperate. He can see that Tommy’s hurt, but he also can’t budge. If he didn’t have Akio with him, this whole thing would be perfect, but Tatsu and Maseo have trusted him with the safety of their child, he can’t let them down. He has let enough people down these past few years, he can’t add another name to the list of people he wronged.

“Fine. Whatever,” Tommy spits. It’s not fine at all, but Oliver is still as bull headed as ever. Out of all the things that remain, did it have to be that? He knows there’s no convincing him.

“Thank you, Tommy, thank you,” Oliver says, sounding so very grateful that Tommy almost feels bad about the plan forming in his brain.

“Sure,” Tommy says, still not sounding very happy. “At least let me offer you a shower, you stink, dude.”

For the first time in three years, Tommy sees Oliver smile. It’s small, barely a ghost, a poor imitation of the smiles Tommy knows Oliver used to be capable off, but it’s a smile. Tommy tries to imprint it the best he can.

Oliver checks in with Akio, making sure he’s okay with everything, before he goes to the bathroom, grateful for the opportunity to get clean. With how today is going, who knows when the next time will be.

Mostly, however, he’s grateful that Tommy stopped arguing. Seeing his friend in these circumstances is both the best thing and the worst thing that has happened to him these past few years. He doesn’t want to spend what limited time they have arguing, because the time they have is limited. And that hurts.

Fuck, Oliver wants nothing more than to leave with Tommy, to go back home and be happy. But right now he’ll drag home so much shit, so much violence. He can’t do that to them. It’s better for them to remember who he used to be. Tommy sees that now. Unhappily, but still.

Now that they’ve stopped for a moment, he has time to think. Tatsu and Maseo are still out there, looking for Akio – unless they’re dead, a voice whispers that he ignores – he needs to find them. It is likely that they’ll go to the botanical garden, much like he and Akio had earlier. Waller might not expect them returning there, it would be a good place to start, though less visibly this time.

As Oliver mulls over the next steps in the shower, Tommy decides to talk to Akio a little. Oliver mentioned the boy’s parents being caught up in this. He must know something.

“It’s Akio, right?” he opens.

The boy gives him a glance that Tommy tries not to find too rude. Then he nods: “Yes, I’m Akio. Are you done being rude?”

Akio has a good attitude, Tommy can give him that. Strained, he says: “Uhm, yeah, sorry about that, just surprised. I’m Tommy.”

“Oliver’s friend.”

“Yes, Oliver’s friend.”

“I’m also Oliver’s friend,” Akio tells him proudly. “He has a sister, but he can’t hang out with her, because he is hanging out with me. He told me so.”

A fresh wave of anger comes over Tommy. Thea has had to miss her brother for years and here this snot nose is, taking her place. However, he pushes it down. Tommy has a great poker face. Instead he smiles: “That’s nice of Oliver. What do you do when you two hang out?”

“Well, today we had to run from the bad men, but usually he plays games with me when he and Otōsan come home. Oliver can’t cook very well, but Okāsan has been forcing him to help. He can make rice now and he’ll swipe me candy when he helps,” Akio recounts happily.

Playing games, learning how to cook, swiping candies? None of that sounds very dangerous to Tommy. His mind is now fully made up.

“That sounds like a lot of fun,” Tommy says to Akio, fighting to keep the scowl away. “I have to make a quick call, are you okay here?”

“Course.”

He steps away and dials the number of the police. Oliver doesn’t want to tell anyone from home, but that’s because Akio is in danger. Apparently. If Tommy can get Akio with people who can help, then Oliver has no reason not to come home.

The cops pick up, luckily they speak great English. Tommy says: “Yeah, I have a kid here, ‘round nine. His name is Akio, says he lost his parents and bad men are after him. He and a friend of mine are here right now. He was trying to help him, but we don’t know where his parents are. You can help? That’s great.” Tommy easily gives the police the address.

Not soon after, Oliver comes back out of the shower, looking more clean and a little less tense. That is good, soon he’ll be able to get rid of all the tension.

“You’re in a better mood,” Oliver comments. “Not mad at me anymore?”

“I fixed the problem,” Tommy answers, feeling very self satisfied.

At Tommy’s words, Oliver’s heart drops. Whatever Tommy did, it can’t be good. He knows that his friend doesn’t have the same understanding of how problems can be solved as he does now and that he has no clue what sort of hot water he and Akio are in.

“What did you do?” Oliver asks… well, demands. Low and growly.

Tommy frowns at the reaction. “Geez, don’t thank me all at once. I called the police. They can find his parents and we can go home.”

Oh that’s bad. Very bad.

“Akio, come on, we have to go,” Oliver calls out immediately, holding out his hand and waiting until Akio has taken it, before he starts to leave.

“Are you serious right-”

Oliver doesn’t let Tommy finish his sentence. There are red dots on the wall and Oliver knows those a bit too well. Without thinking, he drags both Akio and Tommy to the floor, milliseconds before the men outside open fire.

Tommy screams loudly, though luckily not in pain. He gives Oliver wide eyes, as he yells: “Why are the police shooting at us?”

“Because they’re not the police,” Oliver yells back. He knows how easy it is to intercept those calls and how easy it is to fake being a police officer, he pulled it off with Maseo when they kidnapped Tommy.

Oliver hugs Akio tightly to his chest, covering him the best he can. This is the second time today that he’s been shot at, that is already two times too many for any kid. What he wouldn’t give to make it so Akio didn’t have to go through this.

Around them, the shooting slows down. Might sound good on paper, but Oliver knows that’s because a ground team must be moving in. They’re going to have to run again soon. “Are you okay?” he asks Akio, needing to know the state he’s in before they move.

Strong, brave Akio nods and says: “I’m okay.”

“Okay,” Oliver lets out a relieved breath, hugging Akio one more time, before looking around. He turns to Tommy and asks: “Is the front door the only way inside?”

“Y- Yes,” Tommy answers, shaking. He hadn’t believed Oliver when he told him about the dangers, he called the police. Now he’s getting shot at. Just what is Oliver caught up in?

“Good, I want you to get low and take Akio and go into the bathroom. These men are not just here to kill us, they’ll kill you as well,” Oliver tells him, way too calm for the whole situation.

Still, Tommy recognizes the trust Oliver places in him when telling him to take Akio with him. It is clear he cares about the kid – and Tommy tries to ignore how he didn’t take that seriously either and now both Oliver and Akio might get hurt because of it – and says: “Yeah, yeah, get low, okay.”

Oliver nods again, before saying: “Go, go, go,” pushing the two towards the bathroom as he gets between them and the door. Tommy doesn’t know what he thinks he can do against a bunch of armed men, but he’s too scared to question it when Oliver appears to know what he’s doing.

More shots are being fired and Tommy watches through a small crack as men with guns enter his hotel room. Then he watches with surprise and fear as Oliver fights them skillfully. Whatever debt they had Oliver pay, they taught him crazy shit so he could.

However, he is still outmatched. He might have one down, but the other is still on him. Tommy is about to lose hope when the one with a gun on Oliver is suddenly shot down himself. Two more people entering the room, a man and a woman, cutting and shooting down whoever is still left.

Once the danger has passed, the woman yells: “Akio? Akio. Akio!”

The couple is probably Akio’s parents, Tommy deduces, which is confirmed when Akio scrambles past him to run to them. He falls into their arms, the three having a tearful reunion. Tommy can’t imagine how scared they must have been for their son, if these were the bad men that were after them.

“We followed them,” the man tells Oliver, who nods seriously. It’s a little creepy how much his friend looks like a solider getting debriefed in that moment.

Cautiously, Tommy comes out of the bathroom, looking at the two new people and his destroyed room. The man looks vaguely familiar, though Tommy can’t place him as the police officer, until he asks Oliver: “What is he doing here?”

“Apparently on his way to Tokyo, before there were issues with his layover,” Oliver sighs. Akio being back with his parents is good, but he wishes Tommy didn’t have to get caught up in it all.

“Well, he needs to get out. Quick. The four of us all have targets on our backs. Waller is planning something and she obviously has no issue killing anyone that gets caught up with us,” Maseo tells them.

“I can’t just go, what about you all? We can all leave together,” Tommy says. “I can pull some strings, we’ll be on the next flight going anywhere but here.”

“Waller isn’t above shooting a plane out of the sky to kill a single target,” Oliver says morosely, remembering Fyers well.

Tommy swallows at the dark look on his friend’s face, the ease with which those words fall from his lips, as if that is not an insane thing to do. When the parents arrived, a bit of hope appeared in his chest, but it seems like his friend is slipping through his finger again.

It’s further confirmed when Maseo agrees: “She has men all over the city, we won’t make it out of here alive.”

“So what are you going to do?” Tommy asks them. “I can’t just leave you here to die on me. I refuse. I’m not leaving unless I know you’re gonna be safe.”

Oliver knows Tommy means it, so he makes an executive decision: “We’re going to get to Waller first. Taking her off the board will clear the road for us.” He looks at Tommy and says: “But I can’t do that when I know you’re still here. You need to go home.”

“What? Are you crazy? You want me to just leave you here?” Tommy exclaims.

“Yes, that’s exactly what I want you to do,” Oliver tells him without hesitation. “Because no one can suspect you from anything, until Waller is gone. So, you’re going to book the next available flight, I don’t care if you have to fly economy, as long as you get away. And then you’re going to go home. And if all goes well, I’ll be there a day later.”

“And if it doesn’t go well,” Tommy points out the obvious hole in that plan.

Oliver gives him a rueful look that Tommy hates the second he sees it. He hates it even more when Oliver says: “Then we didn’t succeed and no one else has to be hurt again.”

“No one except me,” Tommy says, broken. He doesn’t know if he can do that.

“Yeah…” Oliver agrees, wishing he doesn’t have to put his friend through this. But there’s no other way, he needs Tommy to live. He knows what their own chances are, he knows that Tommy might never recover.

“I can’t accept that.”

“You’re going to have to, because if you’re here, I’ll be distracted and off my game. I need the peace of mind if I want to pull this off. I need to know that someone will look after Thea, make sure she doesn’t do something stupid, if I don’t.”

“Don’t say things like that. Like you’re going to die,” Tommy accuses, wanting to cling on to anything that will make this moment stop. Alas, the world isn’t so kind.

“It’s just in case. I’ll be right behind you.”

“You promise?” Tommy says, because he’s losing, no matter how badly he wants to fight it, he knows he’s losing.

“Only if you promise to leave and be there for Thea.” It’s a little manipulative to throw Thea in there, but Oliver knows the promise to him will keep Tommy from doing something stupid if he can’t hold up his end of the bargain.

“Of course.”

“Then I promise,” Oliver says, holding out his pinky like they always used to do when they were kids, hoping Tommy won’t see the fingers he crosses behind his back.

“Promise,” Tommy responds, looping their finger together for a moment.

The two of them hold eye contact for a moment, both of them trying to imprint the other’s face, filled with the fear that this might be the last time. Oliver didn’t get to say goodbye to Tommy before he went down on the Gambit, he doesn’t let the moment pass now.

Oliver hugs Tommy with all his might, not saying goodbye with words, because Tommy will never accept that, but pouring all the love he has into the hug.

Tommy hugs back just as tightly, trying to memorize the feeling of Oliver in his arms. He wants to believe that Oliver will come back, that he’ll keep his promise like he has always done when it comes to Tommy. But he knows the chance exist, Oliver wouldn’t have made him make the promise about Thea if there wasn’t. So just in case.

Neither of them say anything, holding on until Maseo says they truly have to go. Then they reluctantly let go, sharing one last look, before Oliver follows the Yamashiros out the door. It’ll be two more years, before Tommy sees his face again.

For now, he just stands in the rubble of his room for a moment, processing it all. He feels like a machine when he finally starts packing, numb as he makes his way to the airport and gets on a random flight to Greece. Later his father will yell at him for not going to Tokyo to do the one thing for Merlyn Global that he requested, but Tommy will just let it wash over him. Oliver wasn’t right behind him.

Oliver’s life, meanwhile, gets a lot more difficult than trying to take down Waller so that they can go, having to stop a bio attack and failing miserably at it. After what he does in Hong Kong, not just to Akio, but Shrieve as well, he can’t just go home.

He checks up one everyone, sure, fighting the temptation to crawl through Tommy’s window to tell him he’s okay. The only thing that stops him is Thea, who is there for a movie night, oblivious to the pain shared between Tommy and Oliver, though one is unaware it is shared. He can’t bring the darkness and taint her too, he can see from here that Tommy hasn’t been sleeping well. The guilt nearly swallows him whole.

When Waller comes with a proposition for a new job, he’s almost glad that she drugs him and drops him on Lian Yu. The island feels like a fitting punishment. He just hopes Tommy will forgive him for breaking his promise, if he makes it out alive.

Once he’s back home after two more years, he is terrified when Tommy walks through the door of his childhood home.

“What did I tell you, yachts suck,” Tommy jokes, not letting anyone catch on to what happened in Hong Kong, though his eyes tell Oliver that they’ll talk later.

The later is the next day, when the two go out on the town. Before they can get in the car, Tommy hugs him properly, much like he had done in that hotel room. Through tears and with a tight voice, he says: “I’m so happy you’re alive.”

Oliver has grown even less used to friendly contact, but hugs back anyway, whispering: “Me too, Tommy, me too.”

“What happened to I’m right behind you?”

“Waller,” Oliver answer simply, deciding it would be best to omit Russia, Tommy probably won’t forgive him for that. “Lian Yu was her way of punishing me.”

“Fuck her,” Tommy grumbles and Oliver laughs despite it all. It feels good to be back home with his friend again.

Not returning home to Tommy might not have been the smartest thing Oliver has ever done. However, at the time it was the only way to keep him alive and Oliver will do a lot to keep Tommy alive. His friend never deserved to be caught up in the bullshit that was the last five years.

But for now, he lets himself be glad that he is home, that Tommy is home, that neither of them died and he gets to try and be happy again. To be alive again.

A/N:

This isn’t meant as a Tommy bashing fic, I really like the guy and I totally get where he’s coming from, even though it’s the worst thing he can do for Oliver right now rip. I hoped I showed his side enough :D

#rr writing #arrow #green arrow #cw arrow #arrow cw #arrow 2012 #oliver queen #tommy merlyn #akio yamashiro #tatsu yamashiro #maseo yamashiro #arrow season 3 #arrow flashbacls #arrowverse #arrowverse fanfiction #arrow fanfic #argus oliver queen

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