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writereleaserepeat · 11 months

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Chemical Romance

Loosely inspired by @justplainwhump's story Pet Safety. In Pet Safety, the MC drops some details that suggest Romantics in their universe can be chemically altered to need another person nearby. I thought this was a brilliant idea and ran with it for a short story (that I haven't really edited or revised, fuck it we ball).

Summary: After countless trials and many failed experiments, X001 is the first chemically-altered Romantic available for sale. The scientist responsible watches over his subject as she is introduced to her buyer - and carefully-tailored chemical match - for the first time. X001 soon learns what it's like to need someone more than she needs life itself.

CW: institutionalized slavery, implied medical whump, chemical modifications, fade to black noncon/dubcon

X001 knelt patiently on the plush carpet beside the chaise. She could sense that her handler wasn’t quite as patient, particularly with the way he kept twisting the leash between his fingers, a gentle tug on her collar each time.

Perhaps her handler was just as excited as she was. Not just excited, but nervous. X001 hadn’t been this nervous since her first days in training. Today she was going to meet her new owner, her Master, the very person she had been working so hard to learn how to please. A chill ran up X001’s spine, a sensation she was barely able to swallow down. She couldn’t let her nerves show, not now, not when it mattered the most.

Voices murmured outside the door, warm words running together, the comforting hum of idle conversation. No commands came for her, not yet. X001 was certain if there was a command, she wouldn’t miss it. Every sense was attuned to her handler, and soon, to her Master. Her handler had told X001 that if her new Master was satisfied with their trial, she would get to go home with them.

Home was what she had been working so hard towards, wasn’t it? It's what she was made for.

---

“As you can see, ’01 is a physically spectacular specimen,” Val said as he gestured towards the one-way glass. The girl knelt unmoving where she was nestled in the thick pile of the carpet, her posture perfect, and her brilliant green eyes fixed glassily on some distant point. As unflattering as the training facility uniforms could be, it was hard to mistake the delicacy of her petite figure, and impossible to tear one’s eyes from the thick russet curls that cascaded down her shoulders.

At least, that’s what Val had been told to regurgitate from the facility’s marketing materials.

“That’s why I chose her,” the buyer said, his gaze transfixed on the subject, not once turning his attention back to Val.

Perhaps Val would have been irritated if he was in marketing. But that wasn't his business, never had been. He continued, unbothered.

“As you’ve surely been reminded by the purchasing agent, X001 is the first product available for sale with these particular modifications. Although our experimental models have shown great success and promise, there is no guarantee that X001 will perform to specifications.” Val also regurgitated this, all but verbatim, from the materials he’d been given. He wasn’t a salesman, no, he was a scientist.

It had been years of hard work and tireless nights. It had been dozens of destroyed products, specimens that were ruined beyond refurbishment, and millions of dollars of company money poured into equipment and supplies. It had been begging his superiors for another chance, promising them that he would make the company's next cash cow.

Eventually, it had also been a success.

“I hear you,” the buyer said, the patience in his voice slipping. “I’ve been told that same thing at least ten times now. I think it's worth the risk, especially for a pretty thing like that.”

Val’s grip on his pen tightened. He’d waited for this moment for many months now, and it was finally here. It was time to prove himself.

His heart thundered inside his chest, and Val nodded to himself as much as the buyer.

“Very well. Are you ready for your trial to begin?”

Lust dripped from the buyer’s tongue as he answered.

“Absolutely.”

---

A clicking tone came through the intercom, a sound which seemed to signal something to X001’s handler. She didn’t move as he unclipped the leash from the ring on her collar and pulled away. He took a single step, then paused, and she felt his hand rest gently on the top of her head.

“Remember your training. Don’t disappoint me, ’01.”

“Yes, sir.” The demure whisper was one she’d practiced until she’d become hoarse, but today, it was as smooth as honey. X001 was merely grateful it hadn’t cracked under the nerves that strained her body.

The comfort of the hand disappeared. Her handler exited the room, leash in hand, leaving X001 alone.

She knew what came next. It would settle in her stomach within the next thirty seconds, and over the course of five minutes, it would buzz throughout her body like electricity. That insatiable longing, the primal need to be close to a human person, would begin to broil to the surface. Her skin would get covered in gooseflesh, like she had been plunged into an ice bath.

To be isolated like this, utterly alone in a room, would slowly become agony.

X001 thought back briefly to the time before her body had been weaponized. Early in training, before she’d been dragged to the medical wing every morning for new injections and infusions, she hadn’t felt like this. She could be alone in her cell for hours, sometimes days, and be perfectly content with the solitude. Not just content, but grateful.

That had changed, though, and she didn’t know why. They'd done something. Something she'd never have the privilege of understanding.

All X001 did know was that she needed someone. She needed them now, at her side, before the pain in her chest became unbearable. Her handler, a different handler, her Master. Anyone would be enough to settle the unease.

---

“As you can see,” Val explained as gestured towards the subject that sat beyond the glass, “we’ve engineered a nervous response upon isolation from human contact.”

It had hardly been a minute since Handler Jones had left the room, and already X001 was trembling where she knelt. Muscles strained beneath her supple, tanned skin; her effort was apparent as she tried to keep still. Those stunning green eyes, once unblinking, now fluttered nervously.

The warmth in his stomach spread as he watched his experiment succeed, fulfilling his decade of promises to his superiors. Val continued his explanation eagerly.

“Part of this response is conditioning, and part of it is the chemical manipulation I discussed earlier. Her very brain chemistry and nervous system function have been altered to make her not just crave human contact, but require it for survival. The moment you walk in, you should notice her relax. She’ll be inseparable from you. Even in her sleep she’ll reach out for you, her body telling her that she needs your touch.”

The buyer hummed beneath his breath, and he watched ’01 tremble with a languid smile.

“And what if I do leave her alone?”

“That, sir, would be one of the most painful things you could do to her.”

---

Seconds became minutes, and the aching in X001’s chest mounted. Her heart fluttered uncontrollably, her muscles ached, and her head spun. Her training slipped away so easily when she got like this, when she was alone. The only thought she could hold on to was the thought of touching someone, curling up against their body, sinking against their naked skin. It was the only cure for her present sickness.

She dug her fingernails into the soft skin of her palms. Her hands were still folded neatly in front of her, but the subtle flexing gave her something to distract from the pain wracking her body.

No, it wasn’t pain, not exactly. She knew pain, she’d grown accustomed to it. This sensation was need. It was like thirst, or hunger, or desperation for air. Every part of her thrummed in its cadence.

Then the door handle clicked open.

It took all of X001’s training not to throw herself at the man who’d walked into the room. In an instant the discomfort in her body began to ebb, but the fluttering of her heart continued. She wanted to be touched, held, comforted. It was the only cure for the ache deep in her bones.

Although she hadn’t looked up at the man’s face – she wasn’t permitted to – she was drawn in by the intricate designs on his well-polished shoes. The well-tailored pants and unscuffed leather dripped with and air luxury, and a scent of burnt vanilla and whiskey seemed to follow as he entered.

The man sat down on the chaise beside X001, and she had to clench her teeth to stop from leaning into him. Her handler had made it incredibly clear that she was to remain in position, as perfect as she had been trained, until she was granted reprieve. She listened attentively, straining for the sound of a command, hearing as he settled into the soft plush of the furniture, then-

“Release. Come up here with me.”

X001 didn’t need to be told twice.

---

Val couldn’t help but smile, his cheeks aching as he watched years of work pay off before his eyes. ’01 slunk up onto the couch with that effortless fluidity all Romantics were trained in. She slid into the spot beside the buyer’s body, already cozy against his chest without a moment of hesitation. Her chin tucked against his collarbone, her nose buried against his neck, and her body shifted with a deep sigh.

“Shit, she never had this reaction with the test sticks you had us use in training,” Handler Jones said with disbelief.

“That was a very low dose of the buyer’s pheromones,” Val explained, attention only partially on the handler. A mere handler could never understand the beauty and complexity of what was unfolding beyond the glass. “She’s never been given unrestricted access to the source. It must be overwhelming her.”

“Bitch better be able to remember what we’ve worked on these last few months,” the handler grumbled.

If she couldn’t, Val wouldn’t be surprised. The experimental models had been almost delirious when they were first introduced to their chemically engineered pheromone match. This had been the most successful of the chemical alterations he had been pioneering, and X001 was absolute proof of that.

All humans had this reaction, at least, to some extent. Despite having some of the weakest noses in the animal kingdom, the human body still sends messages to other humans in smelling distance. And in these messages the body conveys arousal, genetic compatibility, and desire.

What Val had done was nothing more than play with these senses inside a laboratory's sandbox. It had taken a couple of years of development and chemical tweaking, but Val had finally developed a course of treatments that would make the buyer’s scent irresistible to the product. The treatments overrode the product’s innate senses, the natural desire to find genetic compatibility, something that only the subconscious animal mind could know.

A few weeks of daily injections and that innate instinct was overwritten. The product's true nature had been wiped out, replaced instead with the extact chemical makeup of their new buyer. The scent of the buyer would be irresistible, intoxicating. It would immediately invoke lust, and when coupled with a Romantic's conditioning, it would naturally create the ideal product.

The waitlist for chemically-altered Romantics had already surpassed the waitlist for standard-issue Romantics. After all, who wouldn't want their perfect match, a divine creature that believed in its animal mind that its owner was its perfect match?

---

X001 had never experienced anything like it before. The scent flooding her senses was not merely sweet. Sweetness was something found in baked goods, or the treats that her handler snuck her when she was performing well. This was ambrosia, a full-body sensation that drew her ever-closer to the man on the chaise. It was like the space beside him had been built just for her.

No matter how close she drew herself to the man’s skin, she couldn’t get enough. It was all she could do not to drag her tongue across the hot flesh. She was burning with need, the urge to sink deep into him and never leave.

Hands ran through her hair, across her hips, but she hardly felt them. Instincts from her training took over and she let them move her body. All she cared about was getting closer, her skin warm with the desire for contact with his. All of X001’s instincts were filling her with the need to be with the man, a need even greater than her own need to breathe. It was beyond intoxicating.

Relief and pleasure coalesced as his smooth hands grabbed her hair, her waist, her neck. Bliss. Relief. The understanding in her mind that this was her purpose, and this man is exactly who she was meant for.

If this was truly her Master, she couldn’t imagine anything better.

---

"Hey, labcoat, isn't your job here done?" Handler Jones asked as the buyer began the more intimate engagements of his trial run with X001.

Val pursed his lips and reclined in the seat in front of the one-way mirror.

"I'd like to see the fruits of my labor in action. You've worked in X001 for what, four months? I've worked on this project for more than nine years. This is my moment, my success."

"Whatever you say, man," Handler Jones muttered. "Call me when the bitch has had her fun. I've got two new trainees to worry about, no need for me to watch the show."

Val merely waived the handler off. Solitude is what he needed now, the opportunity to bask in his own success. After all, he deserved it.

No, the thought idly as a grin crept onto his face, I deserve one of these for myself.

#whump #whump writing #tw noncon #whump community #whump one shot #anyway like... so human pheremones and stuff is not like... an actual sciencey thing like that #but this is fiction and I had fun ok???#I brushed over a lot of the 'science' on purpose lmaoooo I am not a stem girlie #we can all play pretend for a little here #anyway I LOVE the idea of chemically altering whumpees to need their whumpers #literally obsessed with it #also with the mad scientist man responsible for it who's out there somewhere adn we know it #thanks for the inspiration and make sure you go read Pet Safety #and sorry this is all I've got for X001/her new owner/Val #not planning to do anything more with them in particular #but might play around with this overall concept a little more #wow I am rambly in the tags huh

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thats-a-lot-of-cortisol · 1 month

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My mom just sent a message to the family group chat suggesting that my siblings download the 'For the Strength of Youth' magazine on their Gospel Library app and talked about how much the youth magazines helped her testimony growing up and like, cool. Fine. Don't know why the 'sending random spiritual thoughts in the gc' thing started out of nowhere when it hadn't been a thing for a decade but this is just another one of those, and you're ofc allowed to talk about things that are significant in your life.

I don't think sending the 'What I Did When Someone Close to Me Challenged My Faith' article right afterwards was strictly necessary though 🙃

#hi bg mutuals 👋 i'm gonna vent about this from time to time. if any mutuals dont want to see it block the 'apostake' tag #trying not to read too much into it b/c I think I did last time something like this happened #and i dont want to make an ass of myself even if neither time would actually be in front of my parents #but like...i know that they know that one of my sisters is clearly PIMO #they went through her phone a couple weeks ago and i have no idea if they read my texts w/ her #but if they did they probably saw the conversation i had with her about some of the really common shelf-breakers #and telling her to take looking into it at her own pace b/c it's scary and overwhelming #(a conversation SHE started btw)#and when i talked to my parents about the larger context of that whole situation i talked about not having space to step back #and their response was that they give plenty of space b/c they dont make her go to seminary???#that's not the same thing as letting her openly question & potentially leave the church idk what to tell you #like. besties i dont know for sure what caused it (which is NOT making things better. it just feels potentially passive aggressive)#but from my end? it sure looks like it might be a reaction to that. probably not JUST that (friends exist) but.#if you think I'm whispering anti-mormon rhetoric into my siblings' ears just ask me. i'm very much NOT doing that #i'm just. talking? to them? when and if they come to me with questions?#and not making my answer 'well there's a reason our parents raised us in the church! ☺️'#(an actual argument given in the article my mom sent)#hate it. thanks #apostake #jay rambles #ok to interact #im not challenging anyone's faith. my patience though? INCREDIBLY challenged #gotta figure out how to work my way around a 'hey please dont send spiritual thoughts to the gc *I'm in*' talk tactfully #they've been pretty chill about me leaving over-all?? at least to my face #haven't pushed me to go to church w/ them; was fine with me not visiting for easter; didnt try to convince me to not drink coffee; etc #it's just. frustrating that they're not giving my siblings that still live with them that same grace #my sister's 17 ffs #it's very possible im way overreacting to the article. but what is tumblr for if not screaming into the void #religion #mormonism

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ravensmadreads · 1 year

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Youre giving me life rn the tags are so funny. Thank you!

Shut up your fic has me in a chokehold???? It's so funny and soft and hot and amazing and I can totally see future heartbreak but I'm still gonna finish it and okay im gonna shut up now

IT'S KILLING ME

P.S Anita Moreno is a badass and I love her.

#gonna be suing you for damages cause that fic is ruining me #i speed read all those chapters in one sitting #and they're chonky bois so you KNOW i put my time in #marcus moreno got me into the pedro fandom ok #(it was him and javier pena they dragged me in kicking and screaming and then max phillips just swallowed the damn key)#anyway i have adhd so imma be doing random attacks on your masterlist while i avoid real life #also i make no apologies for the tags they're chaotic and unhinged and that's just who i am as a person #think of the pandas has been bouncing in my head for 24 hours i hope you're happy #and the current thing?! do not EVEN-#it's my niece's fav movie when she comes over i can't watch it with her ever again ARE YOU HAPPY #you better be cause that fic caused serious mental damage #(iloveit)#raven is a 🤡#shut up raven #raven answers #raven makes.... a friend?#raven rambles #p.p.s y'all gotta stop thanking me fr #you're the one writing such amazing stuff and sharing it thank YOU #thank YOU op that fic is giving me LIFE #my life is shit rn (all due to myself) and this is the only comfort i have so thank you thank you thank you #lemme kiss your face

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junktastic · 6 months

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I had a drawing months back that went kinda viral I guess, and it getting out of my normal sphere of followers meant that I got to observe how folks far outside of my twitter sphere interact with twitter and others. For reference, I am talking about this image:

The context, besides getting to draw my friend Jenny, was that I saw a picture that was of an anime girl that said "lets be in our early 30s together" and I was like "haha, I will make my own version of this." Part of it was also that I think aging is fine, and we need to stop stressing so much over staying young. "Lets be in our mid-thirties together" is not a joke, I sincerely wanted this image to be warm and inviting, to maybe give people hope that there will be friends and people who love you once you get to that age. I never thought I was going to make it to 30, and I just turned 35 this year, and I'm the happiest I've ever been.

Some responses were obviously teens/early 20s people saying they don't want to get that old, which is whatever. When you're that young the dirty thirty sounds so ugly. No one cool is in their 30s! Well, if you ignore the people who make all the things they like. These responses I waved these off.

I saw the typical twitter experience replies of "this doesn't apply to me?" Ok bitch! Go make your own like I did! And show me when you do, I'd love to see it!

There was a handful of people who were saying "retweet to scare a twink" which I felt was kind of rude. Not to me, but to the twinks out there. Aging doesn't make you less of a twink.

Lots of people were sending it to their significant others or saying they hope to find someone to be in their mid-thirties with, which I love. :3 It makes me happy!

The one kind of response which is what I made this post for and I'm so sorry that I've been rambling, that I found weird was the people who will reply to just you. The OP. As if they are replying to everyone in the thread. I'm not talking about in QRTs, just straight in the replies. "Don't forget how tired she looks in this." Brother I drew the picture. I know. And ever since then I feel like, as someone who loves to read the replies on other people's tweets, I notice this a lot more often. Who are they talking to? Is this what people are referring to when they say "Main Character Syndrome?" Or should I be lumping these together with the "why isn't this about my exact personal life situation" people?

My fiancé says I'm thinking about this too hard (I got engaged last month btw), and he's probably right. I can't help but be curious about how other people choose to interact with the internet and images and people on it. And, I guess, am I supposed to reply? How should I feel about these. I guess I have to decide that on my own.

For the record, you are all very normal/understandable when it comes to what you guys tag my stuff with. That you love the girls (same!), that they're very gender (love this), or wow is this [insert fetish](not my intention but that's the internet). I feel like the slime girls get the "gender" comment the most and you are all so right for that. Every time I see people reblog my ocs I think "Thank you for loving [name]."

That's all! This was a pointless post but I'm unemployed right now so I have too much time to overthink things for no reason. How do YOU feel about how people interact with your posts? Are they weird? Or are they normal about it.

#bro what do i even tag this

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fuckyeahdindjarin · 1 year

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Behind the Seams: Part III

Welcome to the first instalment of Behind the Seams! Thank you everyone who has responded so positively to this slightly self-indulgent idea I had. I know I take so long in between chapters, this seems like a fun way to keep you guys in the loop, and also to keep myself motivated and productive while I work by sharing my thoughts as I go.

This time, I'll be rambling about focusing on the characters as I'm still in the thick of developing personalities and interpretations in the Seams universe, and I'd love to put all the thoughts that have been rattling around my brain into words to help me process it.

I will be tagging these posts as 'behind the seams' together with the chapter number 'seams iii' so you can filter this out if you don't want to see them! For those who are interested, let's dive in below the cut!

Current status: 3.2k written, fully outlined rough draft with most of the dialogue drafted.

Initial thoughts: This chapter wrote far more easily than I expected to so far. Each story is different, but I tend to find the 3rd to 5th chapters hardest to write, when you're building up the shape of the arc of the whole series.

I'm still keeping my options open with regards to what Seams is or can be, but I'm still thinking 'loose fit series' i.e. there won't be a solid, overarching story arc or ending to the series since it's not a plot-driven story. It will be interesting to see if my approach changes after a couple more chapters!

The challenge: The first two instalments were so hyper-zoomed in on Joel and Pin, I knew that the challenge for this chapter is pulling back the camera and seeing how they interact with each other outside the safety of the Outfitters, and how they fit into the wider community.

Joel and Pin: I was re-reading Threads in preparation for writing Part III, and what strikes me is that these two really don't know a lot about one another. They've barely had a fully formed conversation despite the forced proximity and some very charged moments in the last two chapters. I've tentatively written most of their dialogue in this chapter, and it's interesting that a couple of times, I've stopped myself and thought - is this too playful for a shy person like Pin? Is it too familiar with two people who are practically strangers, despite their chemistry? It's a balance that I'll have to find as I edit, and I'm excited to see how it turns out.

Tommy: For some reason, Tommy comes fairly easily to me, a testament to Pedro and Gabriel’s chemistry on screen. Without giving too much away, I'm really happy with the angle I found for Joel and Tommy in this chapter. There's a lot to unpack between the two brothers, but the happy occasion means that I can focus on the good part of their relationship for now. However, I am keeping the tensions in their history in my back pocket because I don't want to gloss over the very real and three-dimensional relationship we saw in the series.

Ellie: I've talked about how I'm nervous about writing Ellie. My Pedro boys are all lone wolves - sure they have their best friends (Teak to Palomino!Jack, Santi to Grays!Frankie, Pete/Rebecca to Consent!Dieter), but Ellie is Joel's kid, and she's part of his life more than any BFF is to my other Pedro boys. Luckily, I have found an in with Ellie that I think works well with the story in Part III, and also fits in with the broader direction of the fic. It's going to be nerve-wrecking, but I'm ready to write her into Seams!

Tess: I'm not in a place to say too much yet about Tess, but it's so important to me that she isn't erased from the Seams universe despite her not being there. I've been thinking a lot about Tess lately, about how she will fit into the story, how Joel will fit Pin into his and in relation to Tess. There are no easy answers, and it will be something to mull over in the next few chapters.

Something fun: Ok, all this character stuff is pretty heavy, so I want to end on a light-hearted note - Joel's tummy makes a cameo in a white undervest 😌

And that's it for Behind the Seams: Part III! I feel a lot lighter having found a space for all the things I have been thinking about while drafting the chapter. I hope this was a fun deep dive for you guys as well, I'll be hitting Google Docs hard this weekend to try to get all of the writing done for Part III so that I can start editing next week. My askbox is always open if anyone wants to chat 🥰

#fuckyeahseams #behind the seams #seams iii

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stagefoureddiediaz · 1 year

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Costume Meta 6x15

At first I thought this was going to be an ok length meta this week, having already written two mini metas based on bts pictures and then we didn’t get the download for a million hours and then just to add to the fun - Tumblr decided that I wasn’t allowed to type into a post wehre i’d added photos and then loading photos into a post wasn’t an option so this is the 4th version of this post I’ve had to create but I got there in the end, so I’m sorry its so much later that i would’ve like it to be - I just hope my insane ramblings are worth the wait!

There weren’t actually that many costumes this week but the guest cast had very interesting costumes and there are a million things going on with Buck, Eddie and Christopher so this week’s meta is very heavily skewed towards them!

No Hen this week as she’s only seen in uniform - there was also very little Bobby - just the one costume!

Bobby

Bobby in navy blue actually doesn’t mean much this week - the choice of colour for his shirt is purely there to continue to parallel Bathena and Buddie from the last couple of episodes with the Burgundy and blue we’ve seen. Thank you as always for reading - it really does mean the world to me that you're interested in the costuming of our wee woo show and I love reading your thoughts in the tags and notes!!! I’ll shut up now and let you have your lives back.

Athena

Burgundy ribbed top - stylistically it is in keeping with the other tops we’ve seen her wearing this season. Burgundy isn’t a colour we see on her very often (the last time was in 5x10 at the christmas party and there are only two previous costumes before that), so there was definitely intention to keep the burgundy and blue theme running into this weeks episode. The ribbing is disjointed on this top over the left shoulder, it hints at the idea of Athena not being comfortable with Dominic dying in the back of her police car - its that feeling of something lurking over your shoulder.

The other interesting thing it’s the return of the anchor necklace. We haven’t seen Athena in this necklace since 5x07. This necklace was very heavily connected to family and the idea of family anchoring her and giving her stability while she was in uncertain waters. It was a play on the idea that even when things were turbulent (Michael coming out, the divorce, Jeffery Hudson etc) her family was and is her anchor. The interesting thing about its reappearance here is that we don’t see her with any family aside from Bobby - for a necklace that has been so heavily tied to her extended family their absence in its presence is telling. It could mean some foreshadowing of choppy waters ahead (perhaps to do with Bobby in the finale) alongside her disquiet over this incident.

The leather leather jacket is the same one as we saw her wearing in 6x12 and I spoke in the 6x12 meta how it was very similar to the one we see Athena wear when investigating Eddies shooting and how it, along with Tamara wearing an echo of Bucks outfit in that episode. We have a similar parallel happening in this episode with Christopher’s jumper at Shannon’s grave. To have it reappearing for this scene specifically is telling me to link the scenes - ergo link to the shooting.

For me that link surrounds the idea of mistaken or hidden identities because all three investigations include an element of this theme. The shooting - Ethan covers his tracks so that the police go for his ex partner and we see Athena hiding her identity by dressing as a firefighter to go to Bobbys rescue. In 6x12 Athena and May go undercover (with hidden identities) to try and find out what happened to Wendell, Wendell himself hides his identity to try and help Tamara and the Walshes tried to hide his identity when they set his body on fire. And now we have a case where Dominic tries to escape conviction through a body switch and hiding his identity. I haven’t quite pieced together what exactly this is saying about Bobby and Athena’s overall arc, but there is clearly something at play here.

Chimney

Chim is paralleling Bobby in the dark blue this episode. The Navy shirt help establish the red/blue theme for Madney in the same way Bobby’s polo does for Bathena. It is designed to do the same thing it does for Bobby - shift focus away from him and onto the one in the brighter colour. It is telling us that Maddie is the one we should be focusing on in the scene rather than Chimney and I’ll explain a bit more of that when we get to Maddies section.

The check shirt Chim wears to the IRS appointment clearly fits into check theory very nicely - not only in terms of the appointment itself, but it is part of a bigger piece of foreshadowing for Chimney more generally which appears to be connected to his family because we have seen him in a lot of check pattern this season and it feels like they’re building the tension with it - it is clearly leading to whatever happens to hi in the finale.

This shirt is the same one he wears when he finds Maddie giving Jee-Yun a bath after they all return home from Boston. and because of this it feels like there is something specific connected to this shirt around the idea of finding happiness in the place you’re in - not needing more in the moment than what you have - not pushing for more.

But there is also something connected to the idea of communication - that happiness is found when you communicate with your partner - the moment with Jee in the bath could only happen because Chimney and Maddie communicated which enabled her to return home and start rebuilding her family. The moment at the IRS was a clear indication of Madney not talking in advance, but ultimately coming out of the meeting in a better place - having communicated and reached a mutually happy decision. To me at least this speaks a lot about the marriage arc they are setting up for Madney - that we’re seeing them fail to communicate again, but they will eventually communicate and end up in the right place for them and will find happiness as a result.

Maddie

Maddie’s bright red top pulls our attention - it is far far brighter than Chimneys navy blue shirt and that is intentional - it is mean to make us think of a red flag and highlight to us that Maddie is where our focus should be for this episode. It is signposting us to the fact that in their relationship Maddie is the one who will ahve had dealing s with the IRS before when it comes to being in a relationship - Chimney won’t have had to do it as we’ve never seen him in this type of relationship. Maddie however would’ve had to file jointly when Married to Doug, so her having hangups about the fact the IRS have got in touch probably goes deeper than it just being the IRS getting in touch. It all connects into the theme of their arc for the episode.

It is also important to note the difference in shades of red and blue that Madney are wearing - especially in relation to Bathena. Bathena’s are much closer together in terms of brightness and contrast. Athenas is slightly brighter becasue she is the focus, but it is closer to Bobby than Maddie and Chimneys are. This is a deliberate choice - it highlights the fact that Bathena are essentially on the same page - they are at the same level and in sync. Madney however are not in sync, they are in different places and we see that play out as the episode airs and we see Chimney searching for a ring at the end of the episode - back in his navy blue tee - we should note however that while he is doing that, Maddie is in her uniform - the maroon of her shirt bringing her closer into line with Chimney, but her uniform still provides a barrier - a safety net for her - in much the same way I described her scene with Buck in 6x12 when she is loading up his fridge.

Ok the check blazer is all kinds of fascinating to me. the three different types of tweed check, the denim jacket placket making it look like a jacket over a denim jacket, the fact that Maddie is wearing a jacket - in complete opposition to Chimney who is in just a shirt.

There is something about Maddie wearing yet another jacket that is multi layered. This one looks like a blazer with a denim jacket underneath. This has been a recurring theme for her the season where we’ve seen her wearing blazers with false insert hoodies. We only really see her in these outside of her home environment, and there is something in that which suggests Maddie is feeling insecure in someway whilst outside the comfort of her home.

The false fronts suggest that Maddy is putting up some sort of front as a way of protection outside of the home, that she is hiding here self from the outside world in some way - projecting something false. The general idea of layering is also about protection too so it’s a multilayered (forgive the pun) theme I haven’t figured out exactly what this means yet, but I think the fact that the season is culminating in an engagement arc for Madney suggests to me that her insecurities lie, perhaps, in how she feels the world views her as an unmarried mother and her trauma surrounding that - the wider arc of her PPD is still in play here because her own trauma extends beyond the PPD itself. Maddie is still battling demons in relation to Daniel as well as the demons we know she struggles with in relation to her previous marriage and the trauma she suffered at the hands of Doug

There is something about the idea of her going out into the world fully suited up to defend the fact she isn’t married to Chim, to defend the choices she has made to protect herself and to allow her to continue to heal and her fears that society will judge her for those choices -something that the IRS has (in her mind) proven to be correct.

So you know how we’ve talked about the blue green theming being connected to break ups - Eddie and Ana, Buck and Taylor, well I don’t want to alarm anyone but we saw Madney in the same blue and green colour way!!

I actually don’t think this is going to be about a break up - I think its more connected to a couple of other times we’ve seen these especially dark yet bright shades of green and blue - the scene in 5x09 (with the pink washing up gloves) as well as the scene when Buck tells Taylor about kissing Lucy - and those two scenes connect to the keeping of secrets and the revealing of secrets, the trying to keep things hidden but them ultimately coming out anyway. It is one of the themes of the episode - keeping secrets, and misunderstanding things and struggling with the reality of moving on and forward. We also saw a similar theme at play when Maddie wore that shirt in the 6x13 - her ‘neighbour’ was hiding their identity. So fear not all the Madney shippers, we’re all good - they just need to communicate and sort through a few things - for Maddie it is very much her hang ups about getting married again - she needs to move on from this last piece of Doug’s hold over her and her life and those shirts are helping with that.

Dominic

Dominic was wearing a very similar jacket to Eddies jacket from 5x10 and 6x08. it is not the same jacket, but it is close enough to draw the parallel.

Ok this is a bit hard to explain, but go with me. At first I thought the wardrobe department were just reusing a costume, however some dots have connected and I think there is a larger metaphor at play here. We have to remember that Athena is wearing a jacket that closely resembles the one she wore to investigate the shooting and that the theme of mistaken identities is at play in both storylines as well.

In 5x10 Eddie is talking to Carla about Christophers obsession over having a perfect Christmas then Chris wakes up from a nightmare about his mother.

The second time we see the jacket, in 6x08, it is as Eddie watches Chris make his way into his school dance and talks about being different and fantasy becoming reality.

It’s therefore an interesting choice to have a very similar jacket on a guest character who is trying to hide, to hide his identity and hide the money he embezzled from an organisation with dream in its name all of this is telling me to connect his plot to Eddies.

So if we look at Dominics storyline things make further sense in relation to what happens in this episode for Eddie. We have to place Eddie as Dominic, Natalia as the second body (whose name we eventually find out is Seth Davis, but not much more) and Buck as the coroner.

We get told a couple of useful things by the coroner (side note what is it with coroners in US tv programes contaminating their morgues by eating their lunch in them?!!!!)

‘looking at a body doesn’t tell us much. Our answers are usually found under the skin.’

It is a pointed line and is the one that helps us to place Buck in the role of coroner - when he is at Maries grave with Eddie he talks about playing a role for everyone else, but he also talks about Natalia seeing him better than he sees himself. Buck hasn’t actually looked deeply at himself (because Buck is scared to - he is so very traumatised) but the coroners job is to look more deeply at others - to look below the surface of the skin and see what has happened, what is going on.

Obviously in this case there are answers that can be found on the surface here - that it is the wrong person - the wrong body. The right body was there initially then it got swapped when no one was looking. So the body is labelled as the Dominic and the coroner has no reason to question the information they have (ergo Buck has no reason to question things about Natalia)it is only by twist of fate that the swap is discovered - you don’t have to look beyond the surface for the answers. Second time around it is definitely the right body because it is Dominic (who interestingly enough dies of a heart attack after taking too much of a medication designed to lower blood pressure - heart metaphor anyone?!) and the answers will only be found below the surface. Autopsies will be carried out on both bodies and in both cases it is likely that answers will be found - the cause of the Heart attack for Dominic and whatever it was that killed Seth Davis. This suggests to me that we will see Buck (the coroner) find his answers that he’ll see into Eddies heart in some way at some point and also see whatever it is he needs to see below the surface in Natalia as well, but it won’t give him the answers he seeks (if they gave us the outcomes of the two autopsies - which we won’t get but thats fine - I would put money on cause of death being completely unconnected with the heart)

Kelly - the speaker at Marie’s living funeral

I wouldn’t normally include a character like Kelly in my costume meta but there is something interesting happening with chains being increasingly connected to Buck through his girlfirends in some way so Kelly gets a look in. This is going to sound a bit off the wall but I promise it makes sense!!!

To start with I need to point out that there were several references to Charles Dickens in this episode. Kelly was giving a speech about advice she had received from her Aunt and as soon as I saw the blouse she was wearing my brain connected dots to A Christmas Carol. This ties in so perfectly with the Victorian concept of a good death - which ties into Natalia as well. The chains connect to the ghost of Jacob Marley, who comes to warn Scrooge of what awaits him if he continues his current path.

So as I mentioned - Scrooge, a miser who is set in his ways is visited by the ghost of his partner - Jacob Marley. Marley appears in chains - the chains of his fate - basically he created these through his own poor choices and stinginess.

Marley tells Scrooge he can avoid the same fate if he changes his ways while he’s still on earth and that 3 ghosts will visit him. This concept - the idea of being visited in some way by someone dead who was connected to you in real life and them giving you advice connects into Buck through Bobby in Bucks coma dream - we have a Bobby chained to the things he was addicted to in life; the pills and alcohol - but a Bobby who gives Buck a vital piece of advice (which is also heavily connected into his current arc)

‘If what matters to you most is how other people see you, then you haven’t learned a damn thing.’

This sets Bobby up as the Marley character. Scrooge is then visited by the three ghosts in turn who show him his past, things that are happening in the present and the what could be the future if he continues is path. If Buck is Scrooge then his arc is going to involve him ‘being visited by’ three ‘ghost’s to show him the way.

We have some bts (thanks @911bts for all your hard work) that suggests we may be seeing Taylor Kelly make a reappearance (side note choosing to call Maries niece Kelly will be a very nice touch if this plays out!) and she would be the ghost of Christmas past for Buck - showing him in some way aspects of his past that have led him to where he is now.

I haven’t figured out who the ghost of Christmas present is although I wonder if it could perhaps be Lucy?! This would make Natalia the ghost of Christmas yet to come. In the novel the ghost of Christmas yet to come is the ghost that most closely resembles the traditional image of death (but isn’t death) this is the ghost that convinces Scrooge to change his ways and to learn.

Obviously Scrooge does change his ways and we see him become someone who treats everyone with kindness, generosity and compassion, the embodiment of the spirit of Christmas.

But the concept of chains binding you to your past - to who you were and the mistakes you made etc is an interesting one in relation to Buck - the idea that death doesn’t free you from them and that second chances should be taken - but only if you learn the errors of your past mistakes - it all feels like it applies too well to where Buck is at and when we add the additional layer of Eddie and Christopher who fit into the roles of Bob Cratchit (who Scrooge helps and supports after his visitations) and Tiny Tim (a child who is disabled and whom Bob is devoted to). Dickens describes Scrooge as becoming like a second father to Tiny Tim at the end of the novel and we have been watching Buck become a second father to Christopher.

I leave you to decide whether or not I’ve completely lost my marbles!!!

Natalia

The handkerchief does in fact have blue roses on it. I wrote in the mini meta before the episode aired; roses in general terms mean love - red for romantic, yellow for friendship etc. Blue roses mean unattainable love (because they do not occur naturally - only through artificial means) - so that would suggest that both love is unattainable for both Natalia and Buck but also that any feelings etc are not real - they can only be achieved through synthetic or artificial means - suggesting that any attempt at a relationship is going to be forced. Blue roses can also mean (especially the lighter shades of blue) emotions - specifically the finding of hope peace and tranquility. So with all of this in mind we end up with the concept of Buck finding what he’s looking for and that Natalia will help him get there, but that it isn't love, its the peace, tranquility and happiness that he's been seeking for himself.

The black velvet blazer and black matt dress has a Victorian mourning dress vibe. This is playing into her role as a death doula - the Victorians were obsessed with the idea of a ‘good death.’ This idea stemmed from evangelical beliefs around being with family and making peace with God. In the Victorian period death was a very common occurrence and so having a ‘good’ relationship with it and being in close proximity to the dying was actively encouraged. A good death was considered to be a slow death which gave people time to say goodbye and for the dying person to see all of their family and friends through that process.

Once the person had died mourning was commenced and this too had strict rules. clothing was to be matt plain and black - bombazine, velvet and cottons were the most commonly worn fabrics (depending on wealth and status). Matt fabrics were preferred because they didn’t reflect the light - it represented the depth of the soul and the depth of grief.

Dressing Natalia in an outfit which mimics Victorian mourning is playing into that concept - it is a physical representation of her job and more than likely her personality as well - she will very literally be all about death all the time in some way.

I stand by what I said in the mini meta I wrote when we got the sneak peeks, but I want to talk about the necklace choice again in light of the fact that it was, once again, buck being pursued (whilst at work) rather than doing the pursuing. the choice to use this necklace to connect Natalia to Taylor, to Veronica and to Ana is a very clear choice. I’m going to write a meta that focus’s on the necklaces we see the various girlfriends wearing, because there are some interesting things going on with them. But the fact remains that the necklace also contributes to telling us that Natalia is headed the same way as all of the others - that she won’t be his endgame romance. She is a representation of death and this necklace is playing into the idea of death having a claim over Buck - of Buck feeling like death has a claim over him and like I said above this plays into the Christmas Carol undertones we’re getting. It all connects to the fact that with these women, Buck keeps on repeating the same mistakes, he needs to break these chains or he will end up like Jacob Marley in the novel.

There is also something in connecting the chains to the water theme we see playing out in Bucks arc - about water finding its level and the chains representing the anchors that give a boat respite to hold it in place when not in port. If Buck is a boat and his water hasn’t yet found its level, the implication is that his waters are at the very least choppy and at worst - tsunami waves and that he needs to pause for a minute on his journey. Buck seems to make most of his progress when fairly newly out of a relationship with a woman - they seem to stall him - hold him in place but his growth is minimal. We saw in the tsunami, the boat anchored off shore where a couple were trying to get married but in the end only succeeding in their nuptial plans when they were on dry land. All of these chains connecting to Bucks girlfriends suggest they are helping to anchor his boat out at sea, while he is on his journey and needs a moment, but that when his water finds its level he won’t need chains or anchors - he will be in the safety of port.

The red dress is a great colour on her. it is a rusty red/orange and now I’ve been able to get a better look at this dress and I’ve seen the actual scene play out I have a few new thoughts. what I thought might be crosses is actually a looser design which looks remarkably like the graphics 911 uses for the incoming emergency calls to dispatch;

This is Bucks emergency - meeting with Natalia is a cry for help, but when you are the emergency service, you cannot call yourself for help! There is also something in the fact that the other parts of the design on this dress look like keyholes. This is an interesting concept because Buck is looking for a key not a keyhole because he is looking for answers - a way to unlock what is inside him and move on (and through). Natalia is also a keyhole - she is seeking the answers to death - to what comes after and she is interested in Buck for that reason alone - i’m not saying she cannot develop an interest in Buck beyond that but as it stands the show hasn’t shown us her being interested in anything more than the fact that Buck died - she is the one to bring the conversation around to his death, not him.

Flowers

We are pausing here to go off on a little side quest into flower land!!! because the little arrangement on the table at the cafe/restaurant made me giggle!!

we have 2 pink carnations what I think is a deep purple chrysanthemum (although it could be a gerbera) sprays of babys breath purple statice

All of these flowers are very commonly associated with funerals and death. Pink carnations symbolise gratitude while the dark pink one is also variegated with yellow - which means disappointment or disappointed hopes. the purple chrysanthemum means sickness and is often given to those who are struggling with illness and need encouragement in their recovery and in most of Europe they are so deeply associated with death and funerals that it is considered offensive to give them to people outside of offering condolences. the babys breath means new beginnings while the purple statice means sympathy and remembrance (as an aside it also has a medicinal use - in the treatment of respiratory illnesses!!)

So all the signs both subtle and textual are telling us that Natalia isn’t going to be around for especially long as there is too much death surrounding her - even when in a setting that should be innocuous!

Buck

The yellow ochre (at the brown end of the spectrum is very definitely a call back to not only his appointment with Dr Copeland - where he talks about hiding his true feelings from others - but it also connects with a broader theme for Buck that I’ve really only figured out because of this scene and his continued insistence on misunderstanding the assignment!!!

I know I’ve spoken at length about yellow being a colour of communication and clear thinking and its brighter shades can be symbols of joy, however I don’t think I’ve spoken enough about some of the more negative traits that can be associated with yellow - which I’ve never really felt fit the narrative before now, however seeing this episode has changed my opinion somewhat, and I am fairly certain that the show has been leaning into the negative traits for yellow ochre far more heavily than it first appeared.

So yellow is considered the colour of communication, in part, because it is the first colour the cones of the eye can detect and so over time it has become associated with the need to convey information (such as hazzards etc), but it is also associated with communication because it was used heavily in Christian artworks on Judas - to highlight him and his betrayal - in part because it contrasts well with the blues and reds Jesus is often depicted in. If you look up Hans Holbeins ‘The last Supper’ for example you will see Judas as the only one depicted in yellow ochre. As a result yellow ochre can be associated with cowardice and fear. the brown undertones of yellow ochre can also hint at loneliness and isolation as well as stability and foundations for growth. I’ve gone back through my notes and I’ll highlight some of the key scenes where I think the dual meaning of yellow ochre is at play.

4x02 - the counselling scene with Dr Copeland 4x03 - Maddie talks to Buck after he confesses going to therapy 4x04&5 - Buck finds out about Daniel 4x14 - talking to Taylor while packing to go stay at the Diaz house - At the hospital - the will reveal 5x03 - Buck gets home after the blackout - Taylor is on the TV 5x04 - Buck talks to Chim about Maddie being ok - ‘Its what she does” 5x14 - Equestrian therapy centre 6x11 - His trousers in the coma dream

These are most of the occasions where he has worn yellow ochre, there are a few others, but I’ve highlighted these one specifically because they tie into a key theme. Interestingly there are only two instances before the phone call with Dr Copeland in season 4. All of the ones I’ve highlighted are connected to Bucks mental state in some way and more specifically they are broadly connected with death (and Daniel).

These are all times when Bucks mental health is in a vulnerable place - the therapy of it all is showing us Buck is not in a good place - we never really get told if covid lockdown played a part in his decision to go to therapy, or indeed how much the return of Abby played into it, but whatever his reasons, there was clearly some form of trigger, I surmise the fact that Abby returned to his life at a moment when death was surrounding them (including her fiancee being in the firing line) and I think it may have played its part.

Finding out about Daniel is an obvious one - finding out why he’s felt like he wasn’t enough his whole life etc and how he has been walking in the shadow of death his entire life. interestingly we don’t see anymore yellow ochre in the rest of season 4 until Eddie gets shot - Death is back in Bucks life. The will reveal scene is a bit of a double ended sword on the yellow ochre front, not only does it connect to Eddies brush with death, it also links to Bucks own vulnerable mental state as well as being a moment that calls out Bucks passive suicidal tendencies by forcing him to live for someone besides himself.

The one from 4x13 in his loft and the one from 5x03 both connect to his vulnerability - Taylor takes advantage of it in 4x13 and kisses him while in 5x03 she is absent and Buck is in a position where - after Eddie telling him he is going to take the advice Buck has given him - he is questioning his own relationship and if he is also doing the same thing to Taylor that Eddie has been doing to Ana. I genuinely think that if Maddie and Chimney hadn’t left LA in the next episode, Buck would’ve broken up with Taylor fairly quickly. As it is his support network shrinks very quickly and he clings to the one thing/person who isn’t expecting more from him and who is sticking around - even if he isn’t truly happy.

Seeing the ochre at the equestrian therapy centre is also a moment of vulnerability for Buck - he is obviously worried about Eddie and his mental health, but it is also the first time they bring up the shooting and say something more than stating the fact that Eddie got shot. the black being dominant on that jacket is a reflection of him trying to cover up that vulnerability so he can be there for his best friend, but it is also us seeing a chink in Bucks armour around Eddie (remember the only time we’ve seen him in that colour with Eddie is in that locker room scene from 5x03).

I’m not going to go into the trousers from the coma dream in great detail, except to say that we are inside Bucks head for the whole time he is wearing those trousers so we are literally walking through all of buck fears and trauma and that may be why the yellow is on his legs rather than his top.

The graveyard scene was both interesting and loud on the costume front. You do not want to know how long I’ve spent trying to work out if this was the same jacket dyed or if it was a new jacket and I can confirm it is a new Jacket. Both Jackets are by Theory - the ochre one from last season the new one from this!!

This jacket continues the green theming we’ve seen in action for Buck this season, it is however a much darker green that we’ve seen yet and also ties in to Eddies army greens very nicely as well. The darkening of the green is actually really interesting because we’ve kind of gone from the very pale greens in 6a to the coma dream bright sagey green to this much darker olive green - its like we’ve skipped a few steps - a few shades of green.

The army olive green of it is also aloud choice and very much intentional - it not only connects to Eddie very directly because of it being a shade we see most often on him, but it is also a nod towards the military side of things - the idea that Buck is at war (with himself) and that he’s feeling under attack - not from anyone else, but from and with himself - the no longer knowing who he is or what he wants.

This green is not one we see on Buck very often at all in fact there are only 2 instances - the low key date with Abby in season 1 and on the couch with Chris when the firefam are at Eddies house - the I’m not really a guest scene. I tend to discount season 1′s costumes unless they are the exact same costume, because they used several designers that season and the costuming of Buck in particular was very different from season 2 onwards, so it tends to not have as much relevance. The 3x11 scene however - very telling in relation to what we’ve seen play out this season

Eddie

So much going on in Eddies costumes this week and repeat outfits everywhere you look. At Shannons grave we see Eddie in the same Jumper as therapy scene/ coming home to Buck. While there is very much the connection to Buck misunderstanding the assignment and the heart metaphors at play, there is another aspect to this outfit being worn again and that is his therapy session with Frank. the use of the same jumper as we see him wear in therapy is pointing out that Eddie is able to sit here at his dead wife's grave with their son and create a good experience because he has been in therapy.

I pointed it out in my mini meta, but its worth reiterating (this is literally the only vaguely decent shot of it I can get!) and notice how Eddie is very much not wearing his watch - there is no watch to be seen work or home or fancy watch!!! The lack of watch her is connected to Shannon - they have no more time - she is no longer a physical presence in their lives, in Eddies life, she is still present yes, but she no longer has any influence over Eddies time, his lack of time or indeed over Christophers time. Eddie has time, because the clock has stopped. This tells us Eddie has moved on and is at peace with Shannon now and that he has got past his anger etc, that he is in a good place with that aspect of his trauma and can look at things with a happier eye.

Talking on phone to his mom when we find out about the earth day field trip. we get Eddie wearing the same jacket he wore to Hens leaving the 118 party. Again Eddies watch is prominent here - in fact Eddies watch is prominent in every scene he has except for the two scenes at the graves of Shannon and Marie.

Having him in the same jacket as this one;

while putting him in a black shirt that connects him to Shannons death is a choice!!

I have spent a lot of time while writing this meta trying to figure out why this shirt looks so familiar to me - I haven’t succeeded - it isn’t one we’ve seen Eddie wear before, but it is an interesting choice for him. its this greenish grey colour and has echoes of some of the clothes we saw him in during 5b, but it also has echoes of Buck in 5b - wearing a lot of grey with black. This is relevant because we saw Buck supporting Eddie during his recovery and this scene at Maries grave would appear to be the opening overtures of Eddie providing the same for Buck - now that he has seen more deeply into what is going on with Buck. in the same way that the Kitchen scene in 6x12 echoed the kitchen scene in 5x11 when Buck saw that Eddie wasn’t actually happy or in a good place, this scene in the graveyard has echoes of Buck being there in the immediate aftermath of Eddies breakdown.

Its not the exact same jacket, but I think its close enough that we can draw a comparison between the scenes because the black leather jacket Eddie wears here when Buck talks about Natalia seeing him is incredibly similar to the one Eddie wears to Bobbys in 5x18 - when he tells Bobby that he saved bot hEddie and Chris. That bobby saw him and provided Eddie what he needed, even if Eddie wasn’t necessarily welcoming it with open arms at the time - implying that Eddie will potentially do the same for Buck now - Buck may not be completely open to Bucks help in this moment - distracted as he is thinking Natalia has the answers, but that Eddie will provide support etc anyway.

The jacket is in fact the very same one Eddie wears when we see him at Bucks bedside for the one and only time - it is his widows weeds suede jacket. the moment we see how broken Eddie is over Bucks death and resurrection. The same jacket being worn a couple of episodes later when we have them at a grave side talking about dying alone and being seen by people is a really interesting parallel to draw. there is something in the fact that we see it here in this scene - when Buck is talking about being seen and when coma Buck didn’t see Eddie - in his coma dream or at his bedside in the land of the living. Buck felt/saw everyone else’s presence during his coma - he knew about Bobbys rosary beads and we hear Athenas voice from the real world echo in the coma as well as Christophers voice guiding Buck to the hospital.

But Eddie was missing from it all - in Bucks eyes and mind. We the audience of course know that Eddie was present and that he was broken over it, we know that his lack of presence was far louder than if he had been more present in the episode. Bucks subconscious however doesn’t know that. He knows that Eddie cares for him, that he is his best friend etc but Buck exploring why Eddie wasn’t there in the dream beyond a conversation with Hen and Chim about what happened to him without Bucks presence is not something he is ready to look at yet. so we have a deeply traumatised Buck searching for answers without the tools to do so and therefore looking in the wrong places while we have an Eddie realising that Buck is different, but that he himself is also different and needing to mourn the fact that things have changed.

This isn’t about him having his heart broken in a romantic sense, this is him having an epiphany about time and making the most of it. It is about him needing to mourn the fact that he has been changed by Bucks death and reconcile with himself so that he can move forward, so that he can be there fore Buck as Buck was for him.

I will be forever obsessed with the choice to have Eddie wear the exact same henley in this episode as in 6x07 and 6x13. A scene showing Eddie missing his family and choosing to make time and go home to Texas to see them in the aftermath of seeing Buck make another self destructive choice which will probably end in failure. Connected to a scene where Eddie is talking about his Abuela being taken advantage of to the point of losing almost everything and to a scene where we can not only see the Buckley-Diaz family in full swing, but also see Christopher trying to take advantage of Bucks math skills and failing and the foreshadowing for the poker hustle which also isn’t as successful as Eddie had planned, and which he mentions in the previous scene at Maries grave - choices were made!

Chris

At Shannon’s grave we get a rare sighting of Chris in a jacket!! The denim jacket is both a connection with Texas and with Eddie, but it is also a connection with Shannon and Shannon‘s death. Thanks @theladyyavilee for pointing this out to me, but Chris is wearing a denim shirt of a similar colour when Eddie told Christopher that Shannon had died.

Denim jackets are culturally tied to westerns, cowboys and to Texas. Christopher wearing one here would appear to be a visual way of tying him to the childhood he had with his mother - backing up the conversation about making s'mores with her when he was younger. The fact that Chris is wearing a denim jacket connected to Shannon and her death over the top of a jumper which is connected to Buck and the moment Buck saved his father is an interesting connection and piece of layering to me.

The hoodie is white and grey striped - the horizontal version of Buck shirt from the shooting. this is suggesting two things to me - one it is connecting Chris directly to the fact he nearly lost both parents - sitting at the grave of one parent while wearing something that echoes an outfit from the moment he could've lost a second parent. I also think there is something in the connection to Buck specifically in this - its directly connected to the will and that Chris has a third parent - I can't wait to see if I'm just clowning hard, or if the change the stripes Chris is wearing are foreshadowing some connection to the will!

We can't not talk about the fact the striped hoodie actually plays on several fronts not just the Buck connection! Stripes according to my theory are all about change incoming - the theory hasn't yet been disproven by the wardrobe department and I get the feeling that here is no different. The idea that a change is coming in Christophers life is one that has been hovering around for the whole season and the narrowing of the stripes would suggest that change is getting closer. The stripes have been telling us, but so it would appear are the little surfing skeletons on his tee at the end of the previous episode along with a proliferation of water and surf theming surrounding Christopher. I’m at the point now where I think Bucks water might find its level when Chris is in danger - it will be the wake up he needs to sort himself out and get his head out of his ass!!

Then we are onto the shoes. I know its almost impossible to see from the scene, but I am nothing if not determined so after a lot of zooming and messing around with the image levels and a bit of googling, I am pretty sure that these are the shoes Christopher is wearing;

If they aren’t foreshadowing Chris in danger in connection with water after all of the other water and surfing related clothing we’ve seen him in recently I don’t know what to tell you.

Space theme surrounding Chris retuning to me from the wilderness in the form of a backpack - you have no idea how happy this made me. We haven’t seen Chris wearing anything space themed since 4x08 - in the scene with Buck when he ran away from home after Eddie told him about Ana. We have seen a backpack - a Star wars backpack in season 5 however we never actually see him holding it, it is always Eddie - and the space theme remains in his bedroom (the little we’ve seen of it). To me the star wars backpack was connected to Eddies mental health because he was at war with himself which is why we never see Chris in contact with that bag. The space theming is so closely entwined with Buck and Eddie, no one else and because there is so much blue in Bucks costume choices this season, to have Chris holding a space themed backpack that is blue is an interesting choice. The back pack is one that shows galaxies and very much represents the universe, but we have also seen Buck to be very entwined in Christophers school life this season - helping with homework, baking cookies etc. so it really isn’t that much of a leap to connect the backpack to Buck - giving him a presence in a scene that is connected to Christopher heading out for some school activity it is continuing the universe theme and continuing to Connect Buck to the Diaz boys - in a subtle way which gives him presence in their lives even in his absence. In an episode that is so strongly connected to Shannon, her continued presence in their lives even in her eternal absence, its a clear choice.

The jumper with its three bands of colour is also intriguing me. there is something in the idea that it connects into the 3 theme we’ve had all season, but there is also something in the idea that the three bands represent the three people who are having the most influence on who Christopher is growing up to be - Shannon - white as she is not of this world any longer and was the first parent Chris spent time with - Buck - Blue - in part becasue of the blue theming around him tis season, but also because it is next to the white - and therefore suggests the idea of the batton being handed over - Eddie - the yellow ochre which is much closer to the brown we see Eddie in so much - Eddie is the earth from which Chris grows, it its the brightest colour on the jumper and suggests the brightest and biggest presence in his life.

The jumper in these colours also suggests the three elements of earth water and air, themes we’ve seen in play throughout this season - the blimp being the air (and an episode coming up called love is in the air), Buck being in the air when he gets hit by the lightning, the water theme has been there all season long in various forms, not least the pictures on the Diaz house walls and all the water connected themes on Christophers clothes, and there have been several episodes that have shown us Buck and Eddie digging - the slingshot tree call and the father hit by lightning in the sand are the two main ones.

Chris sleeping away on the sofa in his stripey top while covered in a check pattern blanket just continues the theme of Chris and change incoming, as well as the threat of danger. For me the fact that we seem to see so much of Christopher in stripes in connection with Buck in some way - implies that the change that is coming is in relation to Buck and the fact that these stripes are being worn on the sofa where we have Chris mimicking Bucks sleeping position on the couch wearing a shade of sea-foam green (which means revitalisation and enlightenment) that also seems to be connecting to Buck - after we saw him in a striped top that echoed Bucks white striped shirt - its all making my eyes stand out on stalks.

Honestly if you have made it to the end of this epic then I don’t know what to say other than I love you form the bottom of my heart. Its a bit of a beast. Will this show and its wardrobe department ever give me a minute to breathe?? Probably not and thats why we love it!! I’m off to sleep for a million years and send some prayers to the tumblr gods that next weeks meta is n’t such a challenge to upload!

As always, tag list below! Until the next episode! 💜💜💜

@mistmarauder @theladyyavilee @leothil @girldadbuddie @kitkatpancakestack @buckscurls @lemotmo @trashendence @elishareads @clipboardsandstethoscopes @comfortbuddie @fiona-fififi @callanee @calyssmarviss @pbandjeremiah @batgrldes @spotsandsocks @livingwherethesidewalkends @idontshitpostbuttheolympicpark @diazboysbuckley @sweettsubaki @shortsighted-owl @sherlocking-out-loud @wh0re-behavi0r @favouritealias @hearteyesdiaz @ktinastrikesback @princesschez75 @bucksbuddie @oneawkwardcookie @leatherati @moniquekatie @wanderingwomanwondering @trickster-archangel @asharadaine @ajunerose @talespinner230 @pop-kam @swiftiebuckleys @xxfiction-is-my-realityxx @butchjerry @mandzuking17 @yelenasbuddie @copyninjabuckley @name-code-black-widow @rogerzsteven @bi-moonlight @usercowboy @inthecarwithaboy @inandoutoffocus-blog @toboldlynerd��

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sokoviansimp · 1 year

Note

I have an idea for The Package au series!

So, Peter Parker wants to bring reader to hangout with him and his friends. Even though reader and Peter both really want to go, Wanda says no. Maybe because Peter is young and so she doesn’t trust him like she did with Bucky and Sam? Anyway, Peter decides to sneak you out when Wanda and Tony and everybody else is sleeping. What’s the harm if he brings you back before anybody notices you were gone right? Reader has a great time with MJ and Ned.

So what’s the problem? You and Peter accidentally fell asleep at Ned or MJ’s house. The next morning, Peter wakes reader up and is rushing to get back home, freaking out the entire time. When you guys get back, everyone is already awake. Peter gets in trouble by Tony for sneaking out and by Wanda for bringing you out without permission. Wanda is so worried but reader is just like, “I had so much fun last night :)”

I can’t wait to see what happens next in The Package au!!!!! <3

Mission: Sneak out

✒ Pairings : Wanda Maximoff, Peter Parker x Child!Reader (platonic)

✒ Summary : Peter wants to take you to meet MJ and Ned but Wanda says no.

✒ Tags and Warnings : none?

✒ Author's Note : My first Anon request!! I was so excited to write this, it really came at the perfect time as I was losing inspiration for writing since I used to bounce ideas and brainstorm fics with a friend that I no longer speak with. Anyway, thank you! And I’m so happy to hear you’re enjoying the series, I hope you like this installment. I am so sorry it took so long 🥲

✒ Word Count : 2299

✒ Read Time: 11 minutes

Masterlist : The Package AU

”Come on, Wanda, please!” Peter pleaded

“No, Peter. It’s just not safe for her to be out of the compound alone. She’s still adjusting to being here and she doesn’t have her powers fully under control yet” She stated, shattering Peter’s plan of bringing you to build legos with MJ and Ned. Though MJ had no interest in the legos really, she would just hang around to banter and spend time with the boys. “Why don’t you have your friends come here?” Wanda offered.

“Mr. Stark won’t allow it” Peter dropped to the couch, defeated.

Wanda didn’t take any joy in seeing Peter this way but she had to stand her ground, it was just too dangerous for you to be out of the compound with a bunch of teenagers. You just weren’t ready for something like that yet.

Eventually, Peter had to break the news to his friends. The next day, they were all sitting together at lunch so he decided that was as good a time as any. Ned was bummed you wouldn't be able to tag along, but MJ didn’t bat an eye, “so, sneak her out.” she said like the answer was blatantly obvious. Ned and Peter were both equally taken aback by this, “what? No way, I- I couldn’t I mean Fr-” Peter begins to ramble and gets cut off by MJ, “It’s simple, tell her you’re going on a secret mission and then return her before morning, Wanda would never even know. You’re Spider-Man, what could go wrong?”

“No, I couldn’t” Peter mulls it over in his head still.

“I knew you two were losers,” MJ quips as she walks away.

The two boys are left sitting in silence at the lunch table for a bit before Ned speaks up first, “I mean- she does have a point, you are Spider-Man”

“Ugh, not you too Ned. Wanda would kill me if anything happened to Y/N, have you ever seen Wanda angry? The last time I saw her angry, she threw a car at Mr. Stark.” Peter frantically explains

“Ok, ok. I’m just saying, nothing would go wrong. We’re just building legos.” Ned rebutted.

“I guess.” the web-slinger considered.

After mulling it over in his head for a few days, he decided to go with MJ’s plan. They were just building legos, it’s not like they were traveling to another state or something, and deep down Peter wanted to impress the girl. So he crafted up a convincing-looking letter, convincing enough for a kid anyway. The letter was a creative way for Peter to convince you to keep the plan a secret. To you, this was a stealth mission that you were hand-picked to complete. If Peter had just asked you to sneak out with him and not tell Wanda, he knew you’d either crack under the pressure or feel too guilty.

With the letter hidden in one of the lego sets you had already built with him, the plan was in motion. Later that day he asked you to play with the set and you stumbled upon the crumpled-up piece of paper.

“What's dis?” you ask tugging on it until became free. The note had a large red stamp that said Top Secret in the upper right corner. Peter put on a stellar performance as he investigated it with you and read it aloud.

“Y/N: Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to evade detection while leaving the compound premises tonight at 8 pm EST with Agent Parker. Once clear, proceed southbound toward Main St. Await further instructions. Tell no one.”

“A mission?” you were both excited and confused.

“What do you say, Y/N?” Peter asked with the note still in his hand.

“Why us?” you wondered. You’re just a kid, why were you being recruited for a mission? Maybe this is your Harry Potter moment. These thoughts kept swirling around in your head.

“I don't know, but it was even hidden in our legos, whoever sent it knew how to contact us secretly, seems important.”

“Okay, I’m in” you smiled excitedly.

“Great! I’ll come get you after you go to bed tonight then, and we can’t tell Wanda,” he explained.

You nodded in agreeance with the plan, “When will we get more notes?”

“Probably after we finish this one.”

Wanda puts you down for bed around 7 and you end up dozing off before Peter comes to retrieve you. He shakes you gently until you start to stir.

“Y/N, it's me,” Peter whispers, “are you still up for the mission?”

You jolt up excitedly, nodding in response, whatever drowsiness sent you to dreamland before is immediately wiped away as you are ready to embark on your adventure with your friend. The two of you sneakily start to make your way out of the compound, making sure that every room is empty before entering. Once the two of you successfully navigated to the door, Peter directs you in the correct direction.

“We made it!” you exclaim.

“We did, now we just have to find the next note” Peter explained.

You continued southbound from the compound with your eyes peeled for anything out of the ordinary. As you passed an alleyway, you glanced down it and then thoughts of all the different things that may lurk in the dark corners quickly took over as you hurried toward the brightest part of the sidewalk.

About a block later, you come across an envelope taped to a tree. Immediately, you run up to the tree and tear the envelope off, “Found it!” you exclaimed holding the note high in the air for Peter to see.

“What’s it say?” Peter asks as you hand the note over to him to read.

“It says we have to go to this address” he points out

Peter’s place isn’t far from the compound so it doesn’t take long to get there. The trip there was pretty tame, except you noticed a rat scurrying across the sidewalk on the other side of the street and then seconds later a grey cat scurried out from behind a bush as it played the game of chase with the rat.

“What do we do now?” You asked as the two of you walked up to the door to the address on the note.

“We go in” Peter states

“Are you going to climb in a window? OH, or climb onto the roof?” You brainstorm ways that Spider-Man could get into places as Peter unlocks the door and walks in.

“I was thinking of using the front door” he states plainly as a joke.

“How- how did you do dat?” You asked wondering if all superheroes just had universal keys to the city or something.

“I live here,” Peter explained as Ned and MJ shouted “Suprise”

You’re visibly confused as Peter takes you over to the dining room table with the legos, “There’s one more note here, Y/N” he points out for you to read.

You take the note out of the envelope to find the word “Build” written on it. You understand it immediately as you turn to the three others in the room for an explanation, “We’re building legos?” you question.

“Yea, I wanted you to meet my friends. This is MJ and Ned.” Peter introduces.

“MJ? And Ned? Da ones you always talk about?” you wonder

Peter blushes, “I- I mean I don’t always talk about them. But yea, this is them.”

Ned and MJ make their way over to the table with you, “Nice to meet you, Y/N.” Ned offers.

“You too”

The three of you are engrossed in the lego building for a couple of hours as MJ plays on her phone and keeps the boys on their toes as they miss build steps. Once 10 o'clock rolls you start yawning enough for Peter to realize he should probably bring you back to bed.

“Are you ready to head back, Y/N” he asks

You thought about it for a second, you were so engrossed in the legos that you didn’t even realize how tired you were. Once you realized you were ready for bed, you nodded in agreeance.

Before you knew it, you were headed back to the compound.

“Did you have fun?” Peter asks as you continue your trek home.

You nod in response, “I wike your fwiends” you noted, “especiawly MJ, shes rewly pwetty”

Peter smiled at your response, “She is really pre-” he’s cut off as you’re both startled by the sound of a gunshot coming from a store that you're passing by. Peter immediately jumps into action as he finds a place for you to hide, “Stay here, I'll be right back” he mentions as he runs toward the area of the gunshot.

You stay put for a few minutes until you remember that the whole reason you were out with Peter tonight was for a mission. Maybe it was all leading to this, or maybe you just wish it was, after all, you came out tonight to be a hero. So that’s exactly what you plan on doing, you and Peter are partners in this mission, and you’re not going to let him sideline you, so you move toward the store.

When you walk in, you see Peter fighting 4 different guys at the same time and you try to find something that will allow you to help him. There are products scattered all over the ground from the men being knocked into the shelves. You pick up the nearest item and throw it at the bad guy closest to you. It wasn’t until then that anyone even noticed your presence. The man laughs and immediately grabs you, “What do we have here? Is Spider-Man sending kids to do his dirty work now?” he snarks.

“Let me go!” you struggle

“Y/N! I told you to stay put!” Peter scolds as he continues to kick everyone’s ass.

“We’re partners, I help” you defended.

As you tried to justify why you came in to help, one of the men motioned for your captor to leave through the back with you in tow. He scurried out as quickly as possible while you thrashed back in forth in his arms to try and break free. Once the black-haired man had you outside, all the courage you had built up to go and help your friend quickly turned to fear. Your courageous yells soon became cries for help as you could no longer see your friend, Peter.

Before the man could get you into a van, the fear took control over your body to unleash a shockwave, breaking you free from his grip. With the man unconscious on the ground, you ran as fast as you could back to the safe spot that Peter had left you in. Minutes later, after Peter finishes up with the men inside the building, he rushes to the back to look for you. Relieved is an understatement, he sees the man lying knocked out on the ground and he knows you must’ve gotten away. The only issue now is, where did you go?

“Karen, are you seeing any traces of where y/n headed?” he inquired to the artificial intelligence in his suit.

“Size 3 footsteps indicated on the infrared scanner show that she most likely headed northeast,” Karen informs as she overlays the infrared scanner into Peter’s field of view.

“Perfect! Maybe she headed back to the spot I left her in earlier”

Once Peter finds you, he checks you over to make sure you’re ok; and while you are very shaken, physically you are fine. “You could’ve gotten seriously hurt, Y/N.” Peter scolds as the two of you begin walking back towards to compound again.

“I sorry, I- I just thought dat I should help cuz we’re on a mission togeder”

He can’t help but smile at that, “You’re going to be a great Avenger one day”

“I am?”

“Yea, but listen, no one else at the compound can know what we were up to tonight” He reminds you

“Right, right. It’s a secret mission. I renember.” you state nodding you head in agreeance.

When the two of you pull up to the compound, Peter scales the side of the building with you on his back, until he reaches your room. His plan, however, is ruined when your window is completely locked from the outside with no way to get in. Karen can’t even get it open as there is an override to keep it shut from F.R.I.D.A.Y.

His only other option is to take you back in through the front entrance. That should be ok though, after all, that is the way that you two escaped in the first place. The entrance is clear, all is looking good until they reach the common room. Tony and Wanda are just sitting there waiting for you. Peter stands there frozen for a second until Tony finally breaks the silence. “You wanna tell me where the two of you were or should I ask Karen?” he states dryly as you leave Peter to run with your arms toward Wanda. She stands from the couch to engulf you in a comforting hug as she lifts you up, “Hey, detka, are you okay?” She says removing the strands of hair from your face to thoroughly look you over.

You nod as you nuzzle into her shoulder. It was far past your bedtime and it only took a slight bit of comfort from Wanda to remind your body of how exhausted you were. “I’m going to bring her up to bed. I’ll deal with you tomorrow.” She says as she shoots a glance laced with daggers at the man of webs.

Taglist: @mymommawanda@livslifeonline@reggierizzoli@mythixmagic@lesbicentism@marvelogic @katethewriter @inluvwithfictionalwomen @marvelogic

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youaremyhome · 2 years

Text

Pieces of the Night: Mars is Bright Tonight

Warnings: Dark!Rafe Cameron x Reader, 18+ NSFW, smut, HEAVY non-con/dub-con, drug use, possessive behavior, DARK. Read at your own risk!

Notes: 4.4k words. Part 4!! starting to get darker, mind the tags ppl :)

The sun softly warms the top of your knees, arms wrapped around your legs as you sit on the lounge chair. Your bedroom sliding door is still open to let in the breeze. Heaving out a sigh, your mind moves sluggishly as you think back to last night.

After the group had led you back to the safety of the bonfire, you apologized for the scene you had caused. They refused to accept it, saying Rafe made a scene wherever he went. Still, you turned quiet as you looked for your sister. Lauren had been busy in the dunes with a kook and had missed the whole confrontation. Thank God for small miracles, you didn’t need her to be front row of your chaos.

Clearly, you had misjudged Rafe. You've heard he’s mean, but you had this annoying habit of seeing the good in everyone. That first night of meeting him had been nice. He was a bit of an asshole, but he had listened to you ramble and you thought he was sweet. My God, how wrong you were. You cried all last night once in bed. You would relax for a moment before remembering the picture he had of you, making you sob all over again.

But with the rising sun to cast light, so had your mind.

If Rafe did share that picture, you can report it as revenge porn, then he would be the one in trouble. You refuse to cower from a picture he had taken without your consent and try to hold it as blackmail. You would flip it on him just as quickly. Though, that didn’t make you any less shameful, feeling so stupid for having slept with him in the first place, for accepting that coke so easily.

Now that you're analyzing that night with wider eyes, you think maybe it wasn’t coke. At least, not fully. You had never felt that way with coke before. A more lightness, a feeling like you were drunk on drugs instead of liquor. You reason that it must’ve been cut with something else, giving you a bad high.

The only problem you’re stuck on is if you should tell anyone. Your friends? Lauren? The school?

The only ones to know the truth are the pogues, but you don’t want to involve them in your newfound drama. Rafe was probably right; they won’t want to do anything with you now.

A chirp of your phone interrupts your spiraling thoughts. A text from an unsaved number.

Hey, it's Sarah, do you wanna talk about last night?

Relief washes over you like cool water. Selfishly, you accept the lifeline Sarah has waved to you.

Yes please lol come over?

Your family is down at the beach and you blamed a headache for staying back. You burn a hole in the hardwood floors pacing for half an hour until Sarah texts that she’s here. Running down to the door you're greeted with a pleasant surprise as you look out to the driveway.

The brown van is parked crooked and filing out is all five of them. JJ waves his arm back and forth dramatically, smiling and bellowing your name.

JJ’s spirit makes you smile, leaning over the railing and waving back, beckoning them up. When they’re climbing the stairs, the rumble of an engine automatically turns your attention to the road. A truck drives past, slower than normal. You think it must be another tourist looking for their rental house.

Once they climb up the numerous stairs, Pope supports a hand against a pillar.

“Is it really necessary to climb mount Everest every time you come here?”

“No. There’s an elevator.” You smile innocently.

“That’s mean,” Pope whines.

“Sorry about them, they’re kinda a package deal. Should’ve warned you.” Sarah rolls her eyes fondly.

“That’s ok, they’re pretty funny.”

You lead them inside, hearing the oohs and awws over the house.

“Holy kook,” Pope wonders out loud.

Your face gets hot with embarrassed annoyance, you don’t want to be considered a kook if Rafe is one. Not wanting any more association with him than you already have. You skip over Pope's musing and sit on the couch with them.

“Soo… last night…” Sarah starts.

“Sucked! I hate when those kooks crash the party. It’s our side of the island.” JJ interrupts.

“I think Sarah was talking about what happened with Rafe and Y/N.” John B says.

“Oh, yeah. That. That sucked too. I mean for sure it did for you.” JJ gestures his long arms to you. “Who would sleep with Rafe anyway?”

Kie reprimands JJ with low mutterings while Sarah hits his knee. John B covers for him. “What JJ means is that everyone knows what a prick Rafe is. Just surprising someone as nice as you did.”

“How did that happen anyways?” Sarah pipes up. “Sorry to ask but my brother is crazy.”

You tell them the full story, unlike the version you had given your girlfriends, feeling a bit better knowing at least someone knows the truth. That Rafe won’t be able to hold it over your head with them.

“He must’ve taken that picture when I was sleeping, I never would’ve let him if I was awake.” You shrug lamely, that hot ball of fire of anxiety flaring in the uncomfortable silence. Sarah reaches over to place a hand on your knee, a comforting smile on her face.

“What a fucking creep.” JJ spits out, it looks like he wants to punch something. “We gotta delete that picture off his phone.”

“Yeah!” Pope exclaims. “We could break into Tannyhill and get ahold of it. Or better yet, break it.”

John B perks up like a puppy. “Sarah, you could get us in, right?”

“Of course, I know where he hides the key to his room.”

“No, no, please, don’t –” This feels like it's not the first time they’ve impulsively schemed before.

“Let’s do it tonight –”

“Perfect!”

“Me and JJ can –”

“No!” You yell.

Everyone’s head snaps at you, shocking even yourself when you realize you’re standing.

“Don’t you want that picture deleted?” Kie asks, tone condescending and face one of disgust.

“Of course, I do!” Anxiety fizzes at your chest, your arms crossing tightly across your chest. “But I don’t want you guys to get in trouble for me. This is my mistake; I can fix it myself.”

“We can’t just let him hold onto it; he could send it to anyone! Show anyone!” JJ panics.

“Let us help you,” Pope says in a gentle tone.

You’re shaking your head stubbornly as they talk over each other. “No. I can’t ask that of you guys. I’ll figure something out.”

They don’t easily back down you find, which in other circumstances you would appreciate. After more arguing and denying their help, they eventually give in with forlorn faces. It’s awkward and you look out the windows.

“Anyone wanna teach me how to surf?”

After trial and error, you finally get to ride the wave without falling off. It only took you three hours. You scream in victory, pumping your arms which unstable you, and slip into the water. Laughing as you come back up, you’re pushed right back down by JJ and John B ambushing you, lifting you back to hold you like a trophy. You can’t stop laughing as everyone cheers.

Breathless, you trudge out of the water and flop down next to Sarah. The others stay with the waves. Their lessons distracted you from your current situation and you genuinely had fun head barreling into cold waves again and again.

“My body is going to hurt tomorrow; I just know it.” You sigh lightly. “Totally worth it though.”

Sarah smiles at you, and after a moment of looking at you knocks her shoulders with yours. “I just wanted to say… I’m sorry about Rafe. Our family doesn’t know where he came from, I think he was switched at birth.”

You sigh deeper this time. “You don’t have to be sorry.”

“I know but being on the end of Rafe’s wrath isn’t fun. Trust me, I’ve experienced it one too many times.” You see sincere worry etched on her face. “Just…try and avoid him if you can.”

You slowly bob your head along in agreement, eyebrows shooting up to look at her. “Like the plague.” You say seriously.

Sarah’s lips press together in a smile before giggles ring out as you lean into each other. Comparing Rafe to other diseases and disasters with Sarah until your stomach hurts from laughter.

Shared laughter in times of pain feels better than crying alone.

🌙

The swoosh of the glass door opening has you arousing from a deep sleep. Surfing had exhausted you, so you’re slow to realize that someone is crawling into bed with you.

“Lauren?” Your eyes are still closed as you're curled onto your side. She has the tendency to come into your room during the night if she’s had a nightmare and sleep with you. The bed dips and sways with the gentle movement, but she doesn’t answer. “You’re such a baby, what nightmare did you have now?” You sleepily ask, turning onto your back to look at her.

A scream scratches at your throat, but the sound gets trapped by a hand.

Above you is Rafe. Strands of hair shadow his eyes, his hand pressing your head to the pillow. Too shocked to do anything but blink up at him, your heart’s a hummingbird as it rams at the cage of your ribs. His blue eyes are steady as they stare at you, motionless like marble, just his chest expanding with each breath. It's silent as your eyes bounce along his face, from his set jaw to the straining tendons of his neck.

It's a limbo of eye contact, yours swimming with fearful tears as he barely blinks. Finally, Rafe inches his head down, nose skimming your cheek, the tip nudging at your healing cut. It circles to the apple of your cheek, tickling your peach fuzz as he makes his way to your ear.

A heavy inhale, then a groan. Rafe whispers your name.

Your body comes back to life, ankles kicking up into the air, struggling to open your mouth wider to scream. It’s easy for Rafe to grip your jaw tightly, the heel of his other hand pressing at the hollow of your shoulder as fingers curl in to anchor you down. His beautiful sharp features are pinched in anger, pink lips hidden in a thin line.

“Did you think I wouldn’t come for you, little angel?” His voice is a husk of a whisper, short nails grooving their way in the soft flesh of your cheeks.

You squeal in pain, in fear as you see violent desire burn in his eyes. There’s no anger overclouding you this time, no clever idea coming to mind. Just the pang of your heart as you realize you're entirely alone with him.

It doesn’t stop you from fighting. Balling your hands and hitting at his chest, forcing your elbows to straighten to push at his face. Rafe scowls, leaning his weight on his hand over your mouth, your teeth painfully grinding at the inside of your mouth as his other hand wrestles to take both your wrists. You push and push, moving as fast and hard as you can but it takes Rafe a minute to ensnare your wrists and pin them over your head.

He pants out loud, hard gusts of air while boring down on you. Fingers squeezing your wrists hard enough to where you feel skin move and glide over the bone, chafing together. You struggle not to make any noise, so he doesn’t get the satisfaction of knowing he’s hurting you.

“No pogues to save you here,” Rafe smiles cruelly. Your eyes don’t hold back the disdain you feel, a muffled grunt tickling his palm when you arch and throw your body back. “Your little tantrums aren’t going to work.” He responds, twisting at your wrists to make you cry out. “Now… are you going to be nice and quiet?”

His forceful hold on your mouth pulls on your face, forcing you to nod up and down. Rafe smiles wide with a condescending coo. “Good girl.”

Ever so slowly, he relives the pressure on your mouth. As much as you want to scream for help, you stay quiet knowing he can simply overpower you. You’ll have to wait for a better chance to escape.

Rafe waits, his hand at the ready for any small sound you’d make. You refuse to speak. He’s the one that broke into your room, surely, he can start the conversation he so desperately wants to have. You force yourself to look bored, though your body is rigid with fear and primed for flight.

Rafe half smiles. “You know… if you needed surfing lessons you could’ve just asked me.”

Your flat expression breaks. “Have you been stalking me?”

You don’t know why you’re surprised, after all, he knew where your rental was and broke in, but knowing he watched from afar is somehow more disturbing.

“Yeah, watched those pogues put their hands all over you, dirtying you with their touch.” His free hand strokes gently on your jawline to your chin, fingers drafting over your throat, a light press to the divot between your collarbones. The touch warrants unwanted goosebumps, you can feel the strength he holds back.

There are a couple of options you have right now.

You can interrogate him on why he’s here? How does he know where to find you? Is he going to delete that picture? You’d waste your breath however, Rafe could easily dodge them.

You can beg him to get off you, pout and cry to appeal to a softer, more rational side of him. You seriously doubt Rafe is ever rational.

They led to the same position – with him over you and in control.

One option left.

“I loved the way they touched me.”

Getting him angry.

And it’s so easy.

His blue eyes darken as he squints, teeth revealing themselves as his upper lip curls, lowering his face close to you again. His anger is near boiling as he opens his mouth to retaliate but with satisfaction, you steamroll over him.

“Especially when JJ did. Had a much better time with them than with you and that shitty coke you gave me!” You spit out.

That should get him pissed off enough that he’ll loosen his grip, and you’ll be quick to take advantage, you’ll poke at his eyes, and then…

Rafe smiles. A genuine smile, the anger slipping off like oil. A curious tilt to his head before he chuckles. “Coke? Is that what I told you?” He laughs again, boisterous. “I’m sorry baby I think I switched my baggies that night. I gave you that Special K.”

Your head jerks back in confusion, eyebrows creasing as you blink rapidly. Fuck, you hate him for making you ask: “What’s that?”

Rafe enjoys the way he has flipped the tables so quickly on you, laughter still reverberating in his chest. “You don’t know what K is?” You shake your head. “Y’know, K. Vitamin K? Ket?” Rafe hums, delighted.

Fingertips resume their trail across your chest when he finally answers. “Ketamine.”

Ketamine? Isn’t that a horse tranquilizer? Your eyes wander off to look behind him at the wall, disoriented with frustration at yourself and loathing for him. Vaguely, you remember feeling different that night, not the typical high you got with coke. It felt almost indescribable, dream-like. Like your heart was floating in your chest. Deep down you knew it wasn’t fully coke, but to learn it was a different drug entirely…You should’ve never taken anything from him. Why did you ever leave Louise’s side that night?

“It made you nice and relaxed for me,” Rafe continues during your silence. Taking advantage of your deep thinking to smell at your hairline. “Made you so damn needy.” He groans, thrusting his hips, and only now do you feel his hard-on. “Let’s recreate that night.”

Your eyes snap back to him, squealing and bucking like a wild horse. “In your fucking dreams!”

Rafe twists your wrists, the rub burning with each struggle you give. “Oh, you don’t wanna know what I dream about.” His insistent grinding forces your thighs apart. “Should I show you?”

Abruptly, his hand is pulling at your pajama shorts. The fabric cuts into your squirming hips as you hear the pop, pop, pop of seams breaking. Your erratic movements don’t deter him, your shorts are pulled off and reveal plain panties. Letting out a loud cry, you hope your family will hear, though they’re on different floors and on the opposite side of the house.

“Oh, no. None of that.” Rafe patronizes and before you can blink, cloth is in your mouth. “Remember these? Kept them as a little memento of you.”

You gag as he keeps pushing it further in, your tongue flat beneath the material making you drool rapidly, soaking it. Coughing makes it worse, that instinctual urge to spew out the uncomfortable presence strong but Rafe holds it there until drool is pooling and you're forced to swallow some of it.

“Can you taste my cum?”

His question is genuine and involuntary you sense the taste. The tang of something stale fills your tongue. It’s then, do you realize that your mouth is stuffed with your missing underwear. You kick your legs out angrily, a hidden tear skipping down as you gag again. Rafe huffs out laughter like it's no effort to hold you with one hand, arm bulging just the slightest. All you can see is his stupid face, but the rustling of clothes is undeniable, and it isn’t yours this time.

Rafe pushes his shorts down just enough to slip his hard cock out, the tip bumping on your clothed cunt. Your hips jolt back as Rafe settles his knees wider, rotating your thighs up so your feet aren’t grounded on the bed. It fucks with your balance and therefore your struggles, legs hanging up uselessly. Desperately, you shake your head and widen your eyes innocently, hoping to find some mercy inside him. Rafe coos at you, telling you how pretty you look, his fingers deftly hooking your panties to the side, revealing your bare pussy to him. It’s humiliating, the way he looks down at you, like a stolen prize he gets to devour.

You expect to feel his cock, pushing into you but you're surprised when it's his fingers petting at your slit. Whining, you shift your hips around trying to invade him, his touch oddly soft and exploring. Thumb pressing at your clit, circling and experimenting between various pressure. Rafe smirks when a strained moan is muffled.

“I dreamt about those lovely sounds you made. You could hardly get them out from how high you were.” Rafe reminisces, eyes bouncing between your face and pussy.

Fingers twisting, he angles his index and middle finger into you without warning. Squeezing your eyes shut, you bite on the fabric, ignoring the wet sensation covering his fingers. Shallowly, Rafe pumps his fingers in and out, a slight curl to them to hit at more sensitive spots. Pleasure steadily builds, the swipe of his thumb pulls at the hood of your clit, exposing the sensitive nub. The arch of his thumb is then rubbing on it, high whines stifled as your legs jerk.

His fingers pull out, your eyes popping open when you feel wet flesh trace at your lips. Vision blurry with tears, it takes a moment for everything to come into focus. Rafe is breathing heavily, mouth open in a half smile, fingertips smearing your juices across your lips. With you immobilized, Rafe looks like a sleep paralysis demon come to life. Hunched over as he nurses on your fear with pleasure. Rafe can’t keep his eyes still now, roving around your face, your tears to your chest. Dragging his hand down, he lifts your tank and reveals your bare tits. Your nipples are hard as you cave your chest in, trying to hide. The graze of his touch turns piercing when he twists your nipple, cruel laughter mixing with your yelps. He goes from one nipple to the other. Twisting, plucking, squeezing, making your nipples the most sensitive they’ve ever been. Sensitive skin reddening with the constant rough treatment. A single sweep of fingertips have you bowing your back in agonized pleasure, your tears soaking into your hairline.

One last squeeze and then Rafe’s hand is tugging your underwear to the side. Wildly, you shake your head no, grunting screams that shake your throat as your legs tense and kick. Your feet only find air and your throat finds Rafe’s hand around it. A warning squeeze.

Rafe chuckles, mocking a pout. “Don’t make me drug you again.”

He lets go of your throat to grip his cock, slapping it on your slit a few times, sliding it through your folds to coat himself. The tip pokes at your hole which makes your body tense up, but Rafe follows your body like the waves, pushing in and then back.

“Gotta relax or this’ll hurt far more than you’ll like,” Rafe mutters.

Your panties hide your curses at him, your body doing the opposite as your entrance tightens more. Rafe’s eyes flicker up at you in irritation. He crooks his head and forces halfway in. Even with the panties absorbing your screams, the gurgling of them is clearly heard, body twisting this way and that. Your tears run like constant rivers, the thick width of his cock burning its way in as you’re forced to stretch open. You work your pelvis floor and lower ab muscles to squeeze him out. Rafe grits his teeth as he stops moving his hips.

“Fuck.”

You’re too rigid for him to keep sliding in, not wet enough for his length to sneak deeper. His the biggest you’ve ever had, and you aren’t prepped enough to take him. Rafe’s determined though, rolling, and thrusting, filling you until his hips are flushed to you. Groans spill from him, some of them overpowering your own. The pressure of his cock is deep, that uncomfortable twinge pulling at the inside of your belly button. Once he has every inch inside you, he stalls for a few breaths, his eyes half lidden as he stares at the conjunction between you.

When he begins to pull back, you expect him to go all the way, but Rafe is always full of surprises. He pulls back a bit, only to ram right back in. It hurts to be so split open like this, knocking at your cervix with each harsh nudge, balls slapping at your ass. The grip on your wrists has made the skin numb, the other hand pushing down on your stomach when you arch your back to escape. You feel so full like you're going to burst at the seams like you’re breaking.

His hand creeps down to your hip, fingers gripping so hard the flesh is bubbled between the web of his fingers, pressing hard until your hips are tilting against the bed. The angle allows his cock to massage your top walls more acutely, slicking his cock to smoothly thrust in and out. It’s humiliating to be so wet for something your mind knows is wrong, a war on your body as the pleasure is infusing through the roadways of your nerve endings until your whole body is under a constant state of quivering.

“F-Fuck, I remember every second of that night.” Rafe grunts, head hanging as he watches the way his dick glistens before snapping his hips again. “The way you opened for me, so sweet. So eager.” The animalistic moans he lets out are almost as obscene as the sound of your slippery pussy.

“So fucking – shit – tighter now. Trying to push me out. Not goin’ anywhere until I cum in this pussy.”

The bed shakes back on the wall from how hard he drives his cock down, the slide getting easier with every thrust. The smell of him is tickling your senses suddenly and you realize you’ve closed your eyes. His mouth is hot along your trembling skin, lips smoothing the goosebumps that don’t seem to go away. Noisy, sloppy kisses imprint on your collarbones to your tits, a keening moan heard in your throat when his mouth envelopes one nipple. You almost forgot how sensitive they were. Your ribs twitch from the sucking, the tip of his tongue torturing you as it sends electric tremors down to your stomach. It's like you’re walking backwards to your doom because you don’t even know you're at the edge until you’re tripping at the point of no return when your body freezes.

It's painful when you cum, like a knot has wormed around your muscles, locking up in a spasm. An aching hurt of pleasure twists you up, coiling like a snake as you just keep cumming because Rafe won’t stop. Won’t stop his brutal pounding as he praises you with good girl, that’s it, take it, take it. Won’t stop pushing his cock in like he’s trying to make a home inside you, right underneath your ribcage.

Rafe’s moans reach their own high peak, vibrating into your breastbone and somewhere in the fog, you realize your wrists are free. Both of his arms are tucked under your back, crashing your chests together. The jerking of his cock feels odd in you, knowing he’s pouring his cum into you, but too fucked out to do anything. All you can think is thank God for birth control.

Time slows, Rafe holding you with relaxing muscles, barely there, slow kisses anywhere he can reach. The gentleness annoys you. With what little strength you have, you push at him until he lands next to you on the bed. Coughing while you gag, you take your drenched panties out of your mouth, heavy drool stringing along and then breaking as you throw them wherever, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand.

“Get out,” Your voice is raspy. “You got what you wanted."

Before you can move out of the bed to clean yourself up and cry in the bathroom, Rafe’s arm hooks over your stomach. Warm breath fogs over your shoulder and you grimace when his wet cock nudges at the back of your thigh. You haven’t gained enough energy to fully struggle in his hold, just a growl and a weak elbow to his abs.

“Aw, sweet angel.” He kisses the nook of your neck. “That night…Did you think I only fucked you once?”

#rafe cameron x you #rafe cameron smut #rafe cameron x fem!reader #rafe cameronxreader #fanfics #fanfiction #outer banks smut #outer banks #outer banks fanfiction #dark!rafe cameron #dark fics #smut #obx #obx smut

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jerzwriter · 2 months

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Tobias took his friend Casey to see his hometown of Washington, DC, all decked out for the holidays; then, she showed him how her hometown of Philadelphia did it. Now, they make one pitstop on the way back home and decide what city does it best... and wrestle with what they mean to each other.

Book: Open Heart Characters: Tobias Carrick & Casey MacTavish (F!MC) Rating: Teen Words: 2,400 (sorry) A/N: This series is a rewrite of a fic I originally wrote in 2022. But, as I fill in the gaps in my Tobias/Casey headcanon, I needed to make some adjustments - and wanted to make some improvements. I haven't tagged my full list for the other parts, but I'm going to do so here because this is the part that had the most alternation - and will lead us back to the question: "So how did they actually end up together?"

Thank you to anyone who has read this - it really means so much to me! :)

Series Masterlist | Tobias x Casey Masterlist Masterlist

“Last stop!” Tobias jumped out of his Jaguar, eagerly tossing the keys to the valet. There was no denying he was as excited about the last minute addition to their itinerary as Casey, perhaps even more so.

As she gingerly stepped out the passenger side, her enthusiasm was diminished, and concern was written all over her face. “Are you sure this is a good idea? The traffic was worse than we anticipated, and you have to be at work early tomorrow.”

“No worries,” Tobias chuckled. “I can sleep when I’m dead.”

Unamused, she stood her ground. “Well, I’d like to keep you around for a while, and you need your rest! So we’re not staying too long, all right?”

“Whatever you say, ma’am,” he nodded, and she couldn’t help but crack a smile when he animatedly gestured toward the street that would lead them to their next adventure.

The cold air and aroma of roasted chestnuts mingled with jingling bells and car horns blaring at tourists who blocked intersections made it clear... it was Christmastime in New York City. Casey was mesmerized, stopping at every store window to peruse the holiday displays. She was so enchanted that she didn’t notice the minor miracle that had taken place; Tobias Carrick was... quiet.

While his mouth had stopped moving, his mind was in overdrive. Amid the joyful chaos, he could focus on only one thing: fighting the visceral urge to take Casey’s hand in his, and not out of fear of becoming separated. His internal debate was relentless... would it be so wrong? Friends do hold hands sometimes, especially in crowds like this. It would make sense. Perfect sense. It wasn’t like he was leaning to kiss her. Not that they hadn’t done that recently. They had! Less than a month ago, they declared they’d be friends with kissing benefits. Of course, it hadn’t happened again, and if it did, Casey would have to initiate it, not him; fortunately, his rambling thoughts came to a halt along with the rest of him when he walked directly into a light post.

Casey turned around, startled, but began to laugh once she realized he was OK. “You OK there?”

“Yeah, I’m good,” he recovered. “Just a little... disorientated.”

In desperate need of a distraction and wishing to prevent further injury, Tobias started a conversation to occupy his mind for the rest of their walk.

“So tell me, how did you manage to attend NYU for four years, yet you never saw this tree?”

“Well,” she shrugged. “I had intended to but never made it. Christmastime is also final exam time, and you know me, I had to get straight A’s, so my mind wasn’t fully on the holidays until I finished the last exam... then I was usually on a train home to Philly.”

He shook his head with a chortle. “Didn’t anyone tell you all work and no play is bad for you? Man... you really needed an influence like me in your life back then, kid.”

“Oh, that’s probably the last thing I needed,” she laughed. “And I managed to have a lot of fun in college. I saw the Bryant Park Tree. Of course the Washington Square Park tree and I were very well acquainted. I just never saw this tree.”

“Well, as much as I am surprised, I’m kind of glad you didn’t... this way, we get to see it for the first time together.”

Casey gave Tobias a side glance; it was now her turn to fight off visceral urges, but she merely gave him a tender smile. “I am, too.”

Then, with the turn of a corner, there it stood, towering above them in all its glory: the world-famous Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree.

“Holy shit!” Tobias exclaimed as Casey gasped in awe. “That thing is huge! It’s twice as big as I thought it would be.”

Casey playfully nudged his side with a giggle. “That’s what she said.”

“Really, Casey?” He mocked. “Really? It’s Christmastime.”

“Well, I’m not going to stop being a smartass just because of that,” she winked. “That wouldn’t be fun at all.”

After a moment, it was Casey who made the final determination.

“Well, I hate to admit it, but that guy was right. I think this Christmas tree is the winner. It beats Philly, and it definitely beats DC!”

“I’m so glad you said it,” Tobias chuckled. “I’m done conceding loss on this trip! I just wish we could see it at night. Can you imagine how beautiful it must be then?”

“Yeah, I’m sure. But we can’t stay that late today. Maybe we can come see it again next year.”

Next year. Those words from her lips took his breath away. Mere months ago, they didn’t know if Casey would survive to see this Christmas, much less next. Yet here she was, full of vitality and right at his side... smiling. Next year. She was thinking ahead, and she was including him in her plans. He wasn’t one for Christmas lore; he sure felt like that red-suited, white-bearded old man had dropped a present right into his lap. But as he felt a swell of promise rising inside him, he also felt something else: fear.

He promised he wouldn’t let this happen. Yet here he was... the happily confirmed bachelor was smitten; he couldn’t even deny it anymore. So he made a new promise: to keep his feelings to himself. Casey had made it abundantly clear that she wasn’t ready for any romantic entanglements, and even if she were, he didn’t know if she’d want those entanglements to include him. He had bungled their first chance together badly. He knew how much it had hurt to lose her and didn’t want to face that again. He was lucky to be in her life at all. Friendship was plenty, he convinced himself. Still, as he watched the tree lights flickering on her beaming face, his heart filled with a warmth previously unknown, and he had to wonder... if the time came, would he be able to watch her fall in love with someone else, knowing how much he already loved her so?

“Well, we’ve declared a winner,” Casey said. “We should start heading back to Boston.”

But Tobias had an impish glint in his eyes. “We could.... unless…”

“Unless what?”

“I have always wanted to take a carriage ride through Central Park... and how often will we be in New York. What do you say?”

Casey turned to him, and he could just see the little angel and devil battling over her shoulders. In the end, he was delighted that the devil won.

“You!” she said with a gentle shove. “Leave it to you to find something impossible to say no to!”

“Well,” he smirked, “that is kind of my specialty.”

“Yeah, I’ve heard,” she laughed. “Now, let’s go!”

As much as Casey insisted they make haste, that didn’t prevent her from having a lengthy conversation with Joel, the carriage driver, and she refused to step foot inside until she was satisfied.

“No, Ma’am, I promise you, George here is very well cared for. It’s not like it used to be. He only rides through a special route in Central Park. It’s perfectly safe.”

Petting George’s beautiful mane, Casey continued her cross-examination. “And what about at the end of the day?” She demanded. “How do you get him back to his stables?”

“In a trailer attached to my truck that I drive very carefully. Would you like to run my license?”

“Please, don’t give her any ideas! She just might,” Tobias laughed.

“Ma’am, George, here is family to me. I assure you, he’s the most spoiled horse in the City. I wouldn’t let anything happen to him.”

“OK,” she nodded. “Then we can take the ride, but can I feed him a carrot first?”

“You sure can,” the driver smiled.

When she was done, Tobias helped Casey step into the carriage. “You’re incredible,” he smiled. “You know that, right?”

“Really? Incredible in a good way or a bad way?”

Tobias’s eyes crinkled as the driver gave them a blanket to help keep them warm.

“In the very best way.”

“Thank God for this blanket,” Casey said with a shiver. “I didn’t realize how cold it was until we sat down.”

“I did,” Tobias laughed. “In fact, I’m thinking about striking a deal with Joel so we can keep this thing for the walk back to the car.”

While they were seated closely together, Casey eyed the tiny gap between them with caution.

“Well, if you’re that cold, we could huddle together. You know... for warmth.”

“We could,” he replied nonchalantly. “Anything to stave off frostbite, right?”

“Right,” she smiled, sliding closer to him.

Tobias cautiously lifted his arm and wrapped it around her shoulder, pleading with the universe for the gesture not to upset her, and the universe delivered. Casey nuzzled her head into his shoulder. He didn’t think this trip could get better, and just like that, it did.

The clip-clopping of George’s hooves cut through the crisp air, providing the soundtrack as the carriage meandered gentle curves through the park. About halfway through, delicate snowflakes began to fall, and Tobias and Casey agreed this was better than anything they had ever seen on screen. They were approaching the end of the ride when Casey looked up and nervously giggled.

“Yes,” Tobias asked with a raised brow.

She pointed to a small sprig of mistletoe dangling between the red fringe that lined the carriage’s hood; it would have been easy to miss. Biting her lower lip, she turned away. The scene was too perfect, the moment was too ideal, but should she take the chance? Not allowing herself to give it further thought, she turned to Tobias with abandon.

“So... remember that day back in Cambridge? When I asked if we could kiss... you know... with no strings attached... and you said we could be friends with kissing benefits?”

“I do,” he smiled mischievously.

“Well, we are under the mistletoe, and this is such a special day. Don’t feel obligated... you don’t have to... but if you want, I thought maybe we could.... mmmhhhh.”

Just like last time, she didn’t get to complete her sentence. Tobias’s soft lips were upon hers, his hand gently cupping her cheek as her arms wrapped around his neck. The kiss was sweet, warm, filled with a tenderness that each longed for but was afraid to claim as their own. This time, when the kiss broke, Casey was unwilling to let it end, pulling him back for one more.

When they silently parted, a blushing Casey diverted her eyes, and perhaps because he wasn’t ready to face the moment either, Tobias pulled her close against his chest, placing a loving kiss atop her head. They remained like that for the rest of the ride, each with a million thoughts swirling in their heads, but not a single word could make its way to their lips.

“Well, this is it, kids!” Joel yelled as he hopped off the carriage. “Did you enjoy yourselves?”

“Yes,” Casey said almost too quickly. “It was... it was beautiful!”

Tobias shook Joel’s hand, slipping him a tip, before he and Casey began their trek back to the car. The usual easiness between them was replaced with an awkward silence punctuated by small talk about the frigid temperatures and how they could no longer feel their toes. But each attempt to quell the discomfort faded too quickly, and quiet was upon them again. Finally, Casey grabbed Tobias’s wrist.

“T, wait a second,” she insisted, tugging him to face her.

“Is everything OK?” he asked.

“Yes... It’s more than OK. This weekend was just magical. It was more than anything I could have imagined, and I will always treasure the memories I made with you.”

“I’m going to do the same,” he smiled.

“I just hope,” she nervously chewed at her lip. “I hope I didn’t ruin things.”

“Ruin things?” he asked, with a creased brow. “Casey, you couldn’t ruin things if you tried.”

Looking up from under her lashes, she gave a tantalizing little smirk. “Wanna bet? The kiss on the carriage... I... I just got overwhelmed; everything was so beautiful, it was so romantic, and then the mistletoe was there, and I...I....”

“Casey, Casey...” he said, taking her hands. “It’s all right. Everything’s fine.”

“It... it is.”

“Sure,” he comforted. “Look, it doesn’t have to mean anything.”

He watched as the relief that just settled on her features turned into something different, something that looked like hurt, and he was quick to recover.

“Let me correct that. Of course, it means something. Everything with you is very special... because it’s with you. That was a beautiful moment, and I’m glad we got to share it together, but it doesn’t have to mean any more than you want it to. I know where you are right now, and I respect that. We can just leave that tender moment alone.”

“You know... I am feeling better every day,” she insisted. “On this trip, for the first time since the attack, I felt like my old self again. In fact, I went two whole days without even thinking about it.”

“I could tell,” he smiled. “And it was beautiful to see.”

“But, I’m still not... I’m just... still not...”

“Casey,” he whispered. “It’s OK. I promise you...it’s OK.”

“Good,” she smiled. “Thank you.”

“But maybe,” he stalled, already kicking himself for what he was about to say. “Maybe we should hold of on that friends with kissing benefits stuff. You know? I don’t want it to confuse you, and I really don’t want it to hurt what we’ve built between us.”

“Well, I don’t see how they could hurt,” she faltered. “But... but... maybe you’re right, at least for now. But hug... hugs are still allowed, right?”

“Oh, hugs are always allowed,” he grinned, pulling her into one of the tightest ones he could offer.

“Good,” she sighed with relief. “Because I always need those.”

Then, the two friends stood in the middle of the busy street as the cold wind blew. The sounds that made up the City's symphony- laughter, arguments, honking horns, and sirens blaring in the distance surrounded them. But Casey and Tobias didn’t recall that they were on an island of nearly two million people, for there were only two who mattered, and right now, they were clinging to the moment for as long as time would allow.

“Come on,” Casey smiled, taking his hand. “We need to get you home to Boston.”

“You got it,” he nodded. “But I have a feeling we’ll be back to visit.”

“I think so, too. Oh, and Tobias?”

“Yes?”

“I know it’s early, but... Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas, Casey,” he smiled, tenderly bopping her nose. “Merry Christmas.”

@choicesficwriterscreations @openheartfanfics

Will tag others in reblog.

#choices fanfic #open heart fanfic #open heart #open heart choices #choices open heart #tobias carrick #tobias carrick x mc #tobias x casey #holiday fics #playchoices fanfic #playchocies

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