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illmetbymoonlight · 3 months

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What If We Could? | Part One [ AO3 ]

18+ Mature Content

Characters | Lilith "Nightbird" Nightingale (oc), Sam "Zero" Fisher, Harry "Six" Pandey, Gustave "Doc" Kateb

Summary | Lilith returns to Rainbow and meets Sam Fisher, immediatly catching his eye while he catches hers.

Music | I Can't Take It Anymore - Trent Reznor & Atticus Ross, Exploited & Exposed - Symbion Project

Warnings | brief sex scene, fingering, biting, unprotected sex, slight Dom/sub dynamic, collaring

Word Count | 5368

Author's Note | Part one of a major rewrite and no longer in first person

[ Timeline/Chapter List ] [ Part 2 ]

“So you must be Nightbird.” A man’s voice came from behind Lilith. She turned slowly and stared at him.

“And you must be Zero,” she replied as she looked him over. He was tall, his hair and beard both dark grey. His green eyes stared back at her intently. Sam Fisher. She recognized him from his on file photo. He was much more handsome in person.

“Harry says you’ll be joining us for training tomorrow.”

“Maybe,” she said with a smile.

“I’m pretty certain if you want to be a part of this organization and be allowed back on missions again, you don’t have a choice.” Lilith rolled her eyes as Sam spoke.

“Make me,” she said as Sam’s eyes moved over her slowly. He tilted his head slightly to the side before taking a step closer to her.

“Is that a challenge?”

“Maybe,” she replied with a mischievous grin before turning and walking away from him down the hall. Reaching the corner she turned back towards him, giving him one last smile. He shook his head before turning to leave in the opposite direction. As Lilith turned around continuing towards the exit she couldn’t help but bite her lip at the thought of him.

Coming back to Rainbow had not been a part of Lilith’s plans but life she found had a way of not caring about the plans one made. And coming back had not quite been the homecoming she had expected. She had been gone almost three years and in that time a lot had changed within Rainbow. Aurelia Arnot, once in charge, had taken the job as US Secretary of State. Harishva Pandey, once the psychological advisor to Arnot, was now in charge as the new Six. Although he refused to let anyone call him by that codename and insisted everyone still call him Harry. He had renovated an abandoned stadium in Greece turning it into a new main base and training facility. And Sam Fisher had joined Rainbow as an instructor under the codename Zero.

After recovering from the bullet wound that was responsible for her return, she learned that the reason no one had come looking for her was that she had been listed as killed in action despite her body never being recovered. Officially Lilith had come back from the dead. Something she was reminded of constantly by the whispers and stares some of the other operators gave her and by the guilty look on Harry’s face whenever he saw her. Then there was the way Sam looked at her that she couldn’t explain.

The first time Sam saw Lilith she was being transferred from the transport to the infirmary for a near fatal gunshot wound. He had gone with Harry after they received word of a severely wounded operator even though none of them were away on any mission that he knew of. It had been an off the books meeting with an ex-Rainbow operator gone wrong. When Harry was told the name of the operator his eyes had widened in shock and he immediately went to meet them when their transport arrived. Sam had asked Harry what was wrong but all Harry would say was that it was impossible as they watched the medics move her to a gurney.

She had very pale skin made even paler by blood loss. Her dark makeup and black lipstick were smeared from whatever fight she had been in that resulted in her being shot. There were scars on her face, mostly on the left side. A couple of them were severe enough that he wondered what she had lived through to receive them. And her hair was a silvery grey that reminded him of moonlight. Sam didn’t know who she was then but what he did know was that she was beautiful.

It had been a while since he thought that way of anyone. At his age it wasn’t a luxury he wasted time on. But with her it was on his mind every time he thought of her, and every time he saw her.

When Lilith had recovered enough she was allowed to train with the others. She was damn good at her roles during mock missions and had an almost unnatural ability to hit every target she took aim at. Her stealth skills were just as impressive with her being able to sneak up on opponents and take them down before they realized what was happening.

Despite her combat prowess Harry held her back from active duty citing concerns over her mental health after being rogue for so long. Sam didn’t blame him. As a solo operator she was in his opinion amazing. Working as part of a team however, seemed to be a struggle for her. Aside from Gustave Kateb, a GIGN officer who had been with Rainbow since it was reformed in 2015, she didn’t appear to have any social relationships with the other operators.

It was clear to Sam that Lilith had trouble trusting others. There were also times he could see that she was holding back some kind of unresolved trauma. But she refused to talk to Harry or anybody else about it. And that was just the start of her defiance.

Sam wasn’t sure if he should be frustrated or impressed with just how defiant she was. For three years she had been a lone wolf and now she had to readjust to being part of a team again, and to following command. He could see she did not like taking orders from anyone, especially from him. She was insubordinate and mouthed off enough that the friction between them was more than visible to everyone. Still his fascination with her remained.

Lilith’s skin really was unnaturally pale which only set off the dark makeup and lipstick she always wore. She only ever wore black making him wonder if she even owned anything that wasn’t. And despite the impracticality, she always wore a choker of some kind and gauges in her ears. The grunge goth way she dressed and her makeup was not something he’d ever consider liking, but on her he did. Even her half shaved haircut was growing on him.

Sam found himself starting to single her out with his frustration. He’d look for any reason to pull her aside after practice. Any excuse to talk with her and to be near her.

“Sam, have you been listening to me?” He looked up at Harry. “You haven’t heard a word I said, have you?”

“Sorry, I’ve had a lot on my mind lately.” Sam ran a hand through his grey hair with a sigh.

“I can see that. Well don’t worry, it can wait until later.” Sam nodded as they walked into the cafeteria. While Harry immediately went to get food, Sam briefly scanned the cafeteria. When he didn’t see Lilith he shook his head, silently chastising himself.

Not really hungry, he decided to make a cup of coffee. As he returned the pot to the warmer he didn’t pay attention to who had walked up next to him. “Excuse me,” she said quietly as she reached across to grab the pot of coffee. Sam looked up at Lilith as she poured herself a cup then returned the pot to the warmer. Her silver hair had fallen in front of her face making her reach up and move it behind her ear. When she glanced up at him and made eye contact he quickly looked back down at his mug. He reached for the packets of sugar at the same time she did, their hands landing right next to each other, barely touching.

For a moment neither of them moved, both avoiding even glancing at each other. Without thinking Sam moved his pinky finger gently against hers, caressing it ever so slightly. Lilith glanced up at him as her finger slowly caressed his in return. He stared at her briefly before taking a few sugars and his mug then turned to leave.

She watched as he walked away, her stomach in knots and her hand still sitting on the sugar packets. After a moment she came back to her senses and took a few packets before returning to the table she had been sitting at.

“You okay?” She looked up at Gustave when he spoke and nodded.

“Yeah, fine,” she replied quietly. Gustave raised an eyebrow but didn’t push. Taking a sip of coffee she tried to make sense in her mind what just happened. She remained quiet for the rest of dinner, lost in thought and unable to stop thinking about it. Or him.

Days later the incident was still on Lilith’s mind. It had reached a point of being a distraction in everything she did. Her performance during training was starting to suffer as Sam became more and more of a distraction.

Today had been no exception. With a sigh she closed her locker and began making her way towards the exit only to be stopped by Sam. “Nightbird.” She turned to face him.

“Zero.”

“You were sloppy today,” he said as he walked over to her. When he was standing in front of her he crossed his arms. As he did her gaze lingered on his hands, the memory of his finger caressing hers still burned in her mind. She looked up to meet his gaze.

“Sorry to disappoint you.”

“No. You’re not.”

“I’m not,” she replied with the slightest smile.

“You need to work on being a part of a team.” She rolled her eyes at him. He took a step closer to her. “Your attitude could use some work as well.”

“If you say so.” She then turned and headed towards the exit.

“Stay out of trouble.”

When she reached the door, she looked back over her shoulder at him and asked, “Or else what?” He shook his head as she opened the door and left.

The moon was full and the air cold as Lilith snuck out onto the roof of the dormitory building. She hopped up and sat on what she assumed was some kind of HVAC unit. Taking a few deep breaths she looked up at the stars with a sigh.

Rough would be an understatement to describe the past week. She had been more insubordinate than usual and mouthed off enough to become the target of Sam’s frustration. More than once he had cornered her in the locker room after practice to tell her off.

Not that Lilith had anyone else to blame but herself. Her behavior was mostly on purpose. Since that day when her and Sam’s fingers touched while getting coffee she wanted to be closer to him. He was on her mind constantly. The thought of his touch and the fantasy of his hands on her were driving her insane.

Shaking her head she reached into her jacket pocket and pulled out her lighter and a joint. Putting the joint in her mouth, she flicked the lighter until a flame appeared. “I’m pretty certain that’s against a couple regulations.” Startled by Sam’s voice she dropped the lighter.

“Shit,” she muttered to herself after taking the joint out of her mouth and pocketing it. She looked over to see Sam standing nearby. “Smoking isn’t a crime.”

“I’m not blind,” he replied as he walked over. “I could see that wasn’t a cigarette.” Inhaling deeply he added, “And that faint smell is pretty distinct.”

“Gonna rat me out Zero?” she asked as she got off the HVAC unit. Sam was now standing in front of her.

“Would it really make a difference?” He knelt down and picked up her lighter. Lilith held out her hand for him to give it back, but he didn’t. Instead he shook his head and slipped it into his jacket pocket. “Smoking isn’t very becoming of you, Nightbird.” She rolled her eyes.

“Whatever.”

“Your behavior lately isn’t exactly becoming of you either.” As Sam spoke she crossed her arms.

“I don’t care,” she muttered even though in her gut she knew he was right. He stepped closer to her.

“You’re a terrible liar,” he said quietly. “Whatever you’re dealing with, you don’t have to deal with it alone.” He then reached a hand up to her face and delicately traced a finger along her scars. Her lips parted as she inhaled in surprise. Making eye contact with him, her arms fell to her sides.

“What would you know? You deal with everything alone.” Sam leaned back slightly, his fingers lingering on her cheek.

“I know you’re not talking to Harry even though he’s asked you to more than once.” Lilith’s gaze dropped. Of course he would know about that. “I know more than you give me credit for.” His fingers moved from her cheek to trace along her jaw. Once under her chin they stopped and he leaned forward. “Don’t think you know everything about me just because you hacked into my laptop,” he whispered in her ear. She swallowed hard, her gaze moving to look at him as he leaned back.

Lilith had to her knowledge only been caught once before and only because she hadn’t realized she had chosen a high security target. The incident is what got her the attention of Rainbow when the organization was being reformed, but she knew the consequences could have been much worse. So she knew if Harry had known about her hacking into Sam’s laptop he would not have taken that lightly.

“You didn’t tell Harry,” she stated. He shook his head.

“Didn’t see any reason too.”

“I can’t promise I won’t do it again,” she said with a small smile.

“I can’t promise I won’t report you next time.” His hand moved to trace her scars again sending a slight shiver down her spine.

“Who says you’ll catch me again?”

“Who says I haven’t been monitoring you since I first noticed?” Lilith sighed realizing she hadn’t thought of the possibility that hacking was among his skill set as well. She silently kicked herself for not noticing his intrusion. “Don’t worry I haven’t accessed your webcam.” A playful grin formed on her lips.

“If you want to see more of me all you have to do is ask.” She took a step closer to him.

“You and I both know that’s a bad idea.” Sam’s hand moved from her cheek down to the side of her neck.

“Maybe,” she whispered. “But I’ve never let that stop me before.”

“You’re trouble, you know that?” Lilith smiled.

“What are you gonna do, punish me?” Sam chuckled at her remark.

“That’s not a bad idea.” He sighed softly as his hand wrapped around the back of her neck. His gaze moved to the choker wrapped around it. It was black and much like a pet collar with the same width of a cat collar and on each side of the clasp were rings. He had an idea of what they were for. As he ran his thumb along its edge he quietly muttered, “If you were mine I might.”

“I could be,” she whispered taking another step closer to him. Sam stared at her silently for a moment before she quietly added, “Sir.” He exhaled hard.

“And what makes you think I’ve earned that?” he replied quietly.

“What makes you think you haven’t?” Lilith took another step closer to him leaving almost no space between them.

“I still think this is a bad idea.”

“Those are usually the best kind.” He looked conflicted as he shook his head, taking a step back.

“We should, uh, head in.”

“Night’s still early.”

“You really are trouble.” She smiled at him in response. They stayed like that for a moment, both staring at each other. Sam eventually broke the silence and asked, “I’ll see you for training tomorrow?” Lilith nodded slowly. “Try not to misbehave.”

“Where’s the fun in that?” she called after him as he turned and began walking towards the roof exit. He shook his head slowly and she smiled to herself before softly biting her lip.

After a moment Lilith headed back inside and to her room. Once inside she wasted no time undressing and getting a shower before getting dressed for bed. As she lay in bed she sighed and stared at the ceiling. Slowly she traced a finger along one of the scars on her cheek the way Sam had done. She hated the scars on her face but the way Sam had traced them was like they weren’t something ugly. Like she wasn’t ugly.

After Sam locked his door he leaned back against it. His mind was conflicted over what he almost let happen. Lilith was one of the operators he was an instructor to. On top of that she was half his age and younger than his own daughter. None of that could change the attraction he felt towards her.

Pushing himself off the door Sam removed his jacket, dropping it on the chair by the desk. After removing his boots, he laid down on the bed with a heavy sigh. He had been unable to stop thinking about her since they met but he hadn’t planned on ever doing anything about it. Despite that he’d gone along with her flirtation and was tempted to go further than that.

“Fuck,” he muttered with a loud sigh. Standing up he resigned himself to getting a shower. As he stood under the cold water he tried to stop thinking about her but couldn’t. He tried to tell himself he wouldn’t let it happen again but after earlier he knew he couldn’t trust his own resolve.

When Sam woke the next morning Lilith was the first thought he had. He reminded himself that the night before meant nothing and that it wouldn’t happen again. After getting ready for the day, he grabbed his jacket and phone. Putting on the jacket he noticed a weight in one of its pockets. Reaching in, he found a lighter with a songbird design on it. He had already forgotten about taking it from Lilith. Shaking his head with a small smile Sam placed the lighter on the desk. Turning for the door he couldn’t help but think of her again.

Training went the same as it did every day. The team training did their best and Sam called them out on every tiny mistake. Lilith tried to do better than she had in recent days but found herself distracted. Sam’s gaze lingered on her constantly making her self conscious of every move she made.

When they were done for the day and heading back to the locker room her eyes met Sam’s and she momentarily lost her footing.

“Fuck,” she muttered to herself after falling flat on her face. Gustave stopped and held out a hand to help her up.

“You okay?” he asked. She nodded, feeling slightly embarrassed.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Lilith avoided looking in Sam’s direction as the headed into the locker room with the others.

She waited until almost everyone else had left before getting her shower. As she rinsed off she couldn’t help but hope that Sam would also be gone by the time she finished. As she got dressed her stomach was in knots over the thought of seeing him alone.

With a sigh Lilith quietly went back into the locker room to grab her bag and leave. She closed her locker only to see Sam leaning against the one next to hers. “You took quite a tumble today,” he said looking her over, his eyes lingering on her chest. She could feel her cheeks flush slightly at the realization the low cut tank she was wearing showed more cleavage than she normally let show.

“I have a lot on my mind,” she replied.

“You want to talk about it?”

“Not really.” She hooked the strap of her bag over her shoulder.

“You sure?” he asked quietly. As she stared at him without replying he reached out to trace the scars on her cheek. She inhaled slowly as his fingers continued moving down her cheek before moving to her neck. They then moved to trace the edge of her choker. “You did well today. Shame you aren’t allowed to go on missions yet.”

“You know why.” His hand reached back up to gently trace the scars on her cheek again. She inhaled deeply.

“And you know how to change that.”

“I don’t need to talk to anyone.” Sam stared at her silently. “I should go,” she added quietly, not wanting to argue about having to talk to Harry. He nodded, his hand slowly, almost hesitantly pulling back. Lilith stared at him a moment wanting to say more but didn’t. With a forced smile she turned and quickly headed towards the exit.

Lilith stared up at the night sky as she laid on one of the HVAC units on the roof of the dormitories. It had been a few days since that night Sam had followed her to the roof, since he became a distraction. And since then she hadn’t been able to stop thinking about him.

After taking a long drag from a joint she exhaled slowly. She watched the smoke as it rose into the night sky before dissipating in the breeze. The night air was cold but she didn’t care. She loathed the cage like feeling the base always gave her. And the open roof was one of the few sources of relief she could find.

As she took another long drag she heard footsteps approaching. “I know it’s you,” she said, exhaling smoke with a smile as she spoke. Before she could take another drag Sam plucked the joint from her fingers and tossed it over the edge of the roof. “Hey! I wasn’t done with that.” She sat up and frowned at him.

“You are now,” he replied as he stood in front of her.

“And you are a killjoy. Is that why they call you Zero? Because you’re zero fun?” Sam chuckled.

“Clever but no.” His gaze briefly fell to her neck.

“So what do you want?” He shrugged.

“Thought I’d check on you.”

“Well, you checked on me.” Lilith replied quietly as she stood up. He stared at her quietly as if unsure what to say.

After a moment he said, “About the other night-”

“Don’t.” Lilith shook her head before turning and quickly walking away from him.

As Lilith stood under the hot water of the locker room shower the next day she sighed heavily. Today unlike the ones before Sam had avoided her. During practice he barely even looked in her direction. She tried to not make anything of it. He was just her instructor.

Thinking about him again had her biting her lip as she turned off the water. After drying off and getting dressed she headed back out. She was surprised to see Sam leaning against her locker, his arms crossed. “Zero,” she said as she walked up to him.

“Nightbird,” he replied, his eyes wandering over her from head to toe. “You’ve been improving.”

“That won’t change Harry’s mind,” she replied quietly. Looking him in the eyes she added, “You’re in my way.”

“I know.” He didn’t move. “You didn’t let me finish last night.”

“I’m not going to accept an apology when you didn’t do anything wrong.” Sam moved off her locker and took a step closer to her.

“Who said I was going to apologize for anything?”

“What else would you have to say about it?” Sam remained quiet. He looked as if there was something he wanted to say but couldn’t. Lilith took a step closer to him and said, “Just tell me.” He stared at her silently a moment before shaking his head and walking away. “Sam!” Lilith turned towards him. He stopped and looked at her.

“Have a good night,” he said quietly. “Lilith.” She watched as he walked away then left the locker room. With a defeated sigh she turned back to her locker to get her things.

As dinner came Lilith wasn’t feeling very social but she was hungry. When she entered the cafeteria she bumped into Gustave. “Well look who’s making an appearance at dinner.”

“I’m not staying,” Lilith replied as she walked past him to get a slice of toast.

“You need to eat more than that.” She glared at him as she took a bite of the toast. “Come on Lily.”

“I’m calling it an early night, okay?”

“If you give them a chance you’ll see that not everyone is as bad as you think they are.”

“Maybe tomorrow,” Lilith replied after grabbing a bottle of water. She gave Gustave a forced smile and walked away from him before he could say more.

As she left the building she debated going to the dorm roof like she always did. She wasn’t the only one who used the roof as an escape. Tonight however she wanted to be alone. She also wanted to avoid running into someone in particular.

Wandering around outside, she finished her toast. With a sigh she came to a stop and looked around. Taking a sip of her water her gaze settled on the stadium. It had been hours since Sam’s last training session and no one would be wandering around the field. Not with all the camera’s set up to observe the training sessions. But that wouldn’t be a problem for her. With a grin Lilith made her way towards the stadium.

She carefully snuck onto the field and into the building in its center, disabling the cameras as she went. On the second floor she reached a room clearly meant to represent a bedroom with a window in the one wall and a bed against another. They had even gone as far as to paint some kind of decoration on the wall above it.

Taking a seat in the window she exhaled loudly. She knew Gustave meant well trying to get her to socialize with the others but she wasn’t ready yet. For the last couple years she had gotten used to be alone. The only exception was the time she spent with the man she was working with at the time who she had also been involved with. She frowned at the thought of him and tried to think about something else.

“You shouldn’t be here.” Lilith looked up from where she was sitting on the window ledge to see Sam standing nearby. She had been so caught up in her thoughts that she hadn’t notice him enter the room.

“And?” she asked as he walked over. Sam shook his head with a small smile.

“No joint tonight, Nightbird?” Lilith shook her head.

“Not at the moment,” she replied. “Gonna rat me out this time, Zero?” He shook his head as he leaned against the nearby wall.

“Don’t see any reason to.” Lilith gave him a soft smile. “So, what’s with the change of scenery?”

“Wanted to be alone where no one would find me.” She leaned back against the frame of the window. “How’d you?”

“Was working late when I noticed the cameras had been disabled.” Lilith nodded slowly.

“I’ll remember that next time.” Again she smiled at him. It was a smile he couldn’t get enough of seeing.

“Next time?” He turned to face her with his own smile. “Giving me forewarning eh?” She moved off the ledge to stand and walked towards him.

“Maybe.” She walked past him. Moving across the room she sat down on the bed on the other side of the room. It wasn’t really a bed just a bed frame with a mattress. But it was enough to make her chuckle. “I still think it’s strange to have an actual bed with a mattress in here.”

“To simulate real life situations the rooms need to be realistic.” Lilith grinned at Sam as he walked over but before she could say anything he added, “I know what you’re thinking.”

“And I know you’re going to tell me it’s a bad idea.”

Sam moved closer to her and said, “And it is.” Lilith stared up at him.

“Then why are you here?” she asked, standing when he was right in front of her.

“Because…” He reached up to trace her scars. “I can’t… don’t want to stay away from you.”

“Then don’t,” Lilith whispered in reply. His fingers moved from her cheek to her neck before fingering the rings on her choker.

“What about this?”

“It’s for-” Before she could finish Sam had reached into his pocket for something then held it up for her to see. It was a small, brass luggage lock. Lilith smiled. “Exactly.” Whispering she added, “It’s yours if you want it.”

“Only if it’s what you want,” he whispered in reply.

Sam had barely finished his sentence before Lilith whispered, “Yes.” He stared at her a moment before carefully hooking the lock through the rings then locking it. As if it was the permission he finally needed his hands moved to her hips pulling her close, his face burying in her neck. He kissed it softly before nipping gently at her skin, just above her collar.

Lilith reached for one of his hands, moving it from her hip to her crotch. She moaned softly when Sam’s fingers began teasing her through her leggings. His lips formed a smile against her neck. Without warning he pushed her down on the bed and crawled over her. Her hands reached up wrapping around him as he once again went for her neck. This time after kissing just above her collar he bit down hard. She moaned loudly, her fingers digging into his jacket.

His hands moved down her sides to the waistband of her leggings. After pulling them down along with her underwear his fingers slid inside her. He leaned close to kiss her neck again as he began fucking her with his fingers, his thumb expertly teasing her clit. She whined softly as he brought her closer and closer to the edge until she was a whimpering mess under him. She moaned his call sign when she came, her hands gripping him tightly.

Barely allowing herself time to recover, Lilith’s hands immediately moved to Sam’s belt and began undoing it. After undoing his pants and pulling them down she pulled him close, moaning as he sank into her with a low, guttural moan.

Lilith moaned loudly as Sam fucked her hard. There was desperation in his movements as if he had been starving for this kind of intimacy. Between moans and grunts they clung to each other forgetting the world around them. When Sam came he moaned loudly before quietly muttering, “Fuck.” Lilith chuckled softly as she pulled him close. He rested his forehead against hers as they recovered.

After a moment Sam pulled out and rolled off of her. In silence they both adjusted themselves to fix their pants. Instead of getting out of bed however, they remained lying next to one another until Sam whispered, “This is a line we can’t uncross.” Lilith looked at him and smiled.

“I know,” she replied her voice still a little breathless. Sam looked at her, a smile playing on the corner of his lips. In the dim light coming in through the windows her hair really did remind him of moonlight. He watched as she turned her head to stare at the ceiling again, his gaze lingering on her scars. A part of him wanted to reach out and trace them again. Instead he sat up and got off the bed.

“It’s getting late,” he said as he turned and watched Lilith do the same. She smiled as she walked around the bed to him.

“It’s still early.” Unable to help himself Sam reached up to trace the scars on her cheek. There was a subtle look of comfort on her face as he did.

“Maybe next time,” he replied quietly. With a sigh he said, “Go on, I’ll reset the cameras.” Lilith gave a slight nod.

“See you tomorrow?” Sam nodded.

“Try to stay out of trouble.” She grinned.

“Where’s the fun in that?”

[ Timeline/Chapter List ] [ Part 2 ]

#r6 nightbird #oc: lilith nightingale #ship: what if we could?#r6 zero #r6s zero #sam fisher #rainbow six siege #r6s #wer6community

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