#really i felt so weird 😭😭
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they cuddle.
i didnt draw this before cuz i was just super tired after...uh... i guess 7-8 hours of straight drawing? bro these comics for some reason take a lot of time despite being sketchy.
i also made this while watching 4th episode tiny bunny playthrough which is also black and white and the game is crazy af, thats indeed a strange experience.
#honkai star rail#honkai star rail fanart#hsr#hsr fanart#hsr stelle#stelle#hsr march 7th#march 7th#starch#stelle x march#that was also a breaking up part lmaooo#really i felt so weird 😭😭#well i watched through lotta parts actually but i finished right at breaking up one#bruhhhh
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Falin panel in my style
:D I suddenly felt compelled to redraw the panel. Miss Touden you are my muse
Lineart + original panel under the cut
I mean, look at the improvement from one drawing to the other, Ryoko Kui’s art makes me think hard about anatomy + physics and it feels really good to draw :3
\/ original panel!
#I <3 Faligon#This was actually so much fun but it had me searching up weird stuff like ‘human vital points’ and ‘how to draw realistic boobs’#I still have the child safety thing on my iPad so it was hard to find 😭#Had a lot of fun with the ripping fabric! It felt very instinctual and kinda just like scribbling#A lot of people who have been reblogging my stuff lately have been copying all of my tags. Like not just the general/organisation ones#So can you stop doing that :) thank you :)#It’s when someone reblogged it copying me talking about my crush? Or something personal? It’s really odd to copy them 1 for 1…#Falin Touden#My art#Dunmeshi#Dunmeshi fanart#Dungeon Meshi#Dungeon meshi spoilers#Dungeon Meshi fanart#Falin#Farlyn Thorden#Falin fanart#Blood#cw blood#I drew more stab points then are in the panel because Kabru stabs her 3 times (not counting the neck) in the lungs kidney and heart#But only 2 of those are visible in the panel? The lung puncture is missing so I decided to add it#gore#I mean it’s fairly mild#I cannot draw wings for the life of me thank you Ryoko Kui for helping lol#Faligon
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i feel like many ppl dont understand just how unwanted i am and how deeply it affects me... my presence isnt wanted anywhere, and wherever i go i feel like im not allowed to exist. im never anyone's first choice. never the first favorite friend. never this never that. like im never the first choice for anyone, just now i almost got hit by a car bc the driver chose to not hit another person close by. they would've rather hit me than that person. and that's just how it goes for me wherever i go. im lucky when and if im even tolerated. but im not wanted or the first choice or the favorite. that just makes me feel so profoundly alone, like i dont belong anywhere or is even allowed to breathe the same air as everyone else.
#frustrated sigh bc i tried expressing this in a way i felt unburdened by the thought#but i just cant find the right words#but smth like this#to never be anyone's first choice is just... makes me feel so unworthy and unimportant and unwanted#i know that like if a crazy situation happened and my mom had to choose one of us.. she wouldnt choose me#and i've never been the first choice among friends or in class or like anywhere#even strangers always rather choose someone else over me#im so repulsive and off putting clearly :')#and like psychologically it isnt that weird that i like daydream and fantasize abt being kidnapped#or idk... fucking the villain 💀 because.. idk it feels ridiculous to even dare to fantasize abt someone choosing me#but ... daydreaming abt being kidnapped bc someone wanted me so bad? 😦😦#idk idk!! 😭 i just feel so unloved and unwanted#and i get reminded of it when i go outside!! and even a stranger looks at me and is like yeah i'd rather run over that bitch !!!#like wow i really am worthless!!!! thanks#the fact that im begging the health care system for help and they just look at me indifferently... makes this all worse T-T
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i finished thesis, won an award, and have graduated.. hello 👋🥸
#i'm not coming back but :') hello#i forgot i even had tumblr still on my phone djdkdkdkdk#i just opened it for the first time in ??? 5 months or smth i think idk for sure#life is weird :')#remember when i said i wanna drop out every day of my life :') bc i suck at design#welp i won an award for my design thesis :')#jsjdjdkdkdkdj#turns out having friends kinda changes your life 🫂#having friends at school has actually :') made me a happier more normal person lol#i haven't been miserable?? i haven't wanted to kms ... i have been so happy and yes school was shitty but i wanted to go and try hard bc#my friends motivated me to stay and try and that's crazy :') idk#felt really loved and like i belonged somewhere for the first time in my life 🫨 like woah ppl like me and wanna be my friend? me??#:') i'm really happy... isn't that weird#i used to want to kms every other day hsjdndkdkdks lol 😭#now i'm like 😭 every day i look forward to waking up bc i'm happy and i have ppl who love me and i wanna see them again and i wanna spend#time with them again and play games with them again :')#literally stayed up till ??? 4 am yesterday talking to one of them like#😭#god jm djjdkdkdkd idk :')#my life is good...#???? IM NOT MISERABLE IDK GUYS#wild af#even winning the award was such a shock like 🥲 damn . who ? me?#ppl from like :') this big design thing in toronto we're praising it too like djdjdodjdkdj#:') it's kinda crazy.. i was super !#man.. i cant believe how 5 months ago i was gonna kms 🥸👆 and now i'm like erm actually maybe we do need to live#:') anyway#i hope ppl on here are doing good 🫨🔨#it is sad to not be here as much but also 👋😌 i'm happy to be free at the same time so ✨
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and today on The Bird App -
What a genuinely hilarious first thing to like on Twitter since 2020. I love both of these women so much 💗
#like it’s almost definitely just Alba showing support for her co-star but also#it does feel vaguely like Alba is fucking with us#like ‘y’know what would make the fans absolutely crazy?’#not just being back online not just interacting with a post about KTY but interacting with THIS post#also KTY in the video laughing about Meena standing in the corner like 👁#‘poor Meena’#meanwhile Meena in interviews is like ‘I’m SO glad they weren’t filming me I was crying it was so beautiful’ 😭#(but seriously the set up of that shot IS so beautiful I don’t blame her)#ANYWAY people don’t have to be normal about this but also I really hope they aren’t weird about it either#it would be lovely if Alba felt comfortable to come back to online spaces if that’s what she wants#no being weirdos and scaring her away with weird comments about her and her costars#Alba Baptista#Kristina Tonteri-Young#Warrior Nun#Avatrice#Twitter
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We did it Joe (OCD diagnosis)
#cried my eyes out but it went well I think#psychiatrists are kinda scary but she was nice. just like. I felt like she was judging me in the moment 😭#but in retrospect (sitting in the parking lot lol) she was nice…#I didn’t really verablize everything I wanted to buuut I still got a prescription soooo 💪#we’ll see how it goes. I’m really scared of medication lol but I’m gonna take half a pill at first bc I am a Baby#anyway feeling good (?) now :’) it’s a weird feeling#yay#she also ordered ADHD testing for me so ummm. we’ll see! I think it’s gonna be super expensive copay#even now I’m really worried about how much the copay for this is gonna be bc they’re just billing me o_o#she said the prescription was cheap but didn’t tell me how much soooo… 🤞😅#ellyposting
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dating an art student was so crazy I'm just thinking abt that one birthday I had where my ex got me stickers from the etsy of the person they were cheating on me with....
#they made them address the thank you note to me and everything ajskfjfkfb. i didnt know they were cheating at the time but wow...#every time i break out my sticker collection and see them im reminded of it. but i cant throw out the stickers theyre deltarune ones 😭#like they were a rly cool artist.... just unfortunate that happened 💀#the drama was insane. my ex only wanted to sleep with them but they (other person) wanted them to break up with me so they could date#but my ex dumped them rly harshly for suggesting that i guess 'romantic' cheating was a step too far even for them lmaooo#i heard abt their breakup secondhand and god could they be cruel sometimes. they made fun of the sex theyd had w them#to all their mutual friends n everything i actually felt so bad for the other person when i found out. at least our breakup wasnt that bad#i only finally got that cruel side of them directed towards me like a year after when they wanted us to stop being friends#but yeah. its also funny in a way bc my ex only suggested i had adhd bc the other person did too + struggled a lot with rsd#which i guess they found out when they broke up with them. and then looked at that and thought huh my gf is kind of similar...#and this was like. 2 years before i even considered i had adhd myself and sought diagnosis ahdkfidjcjdjfjfjfkdbfnf#this made me go look the other persons art page up on instagram + then i recognised some of their friends/flatmates art pages and i found#their (my exs that is) grad year film which is still being shown at animation festivals... good for them good for them#i dont think they have an art page themselves tho cuz they were always v shy and weird abt sharing art on social media#like everyone else except them is tagged on things... shame i wouldve liked to see what they were making now. even if we're not friends#also one of their old roommates made some REALLY similar squid game fanart to mine like a month after i posted it huh..#not mad abt it or anything i think its cool i just didnt realise they showed my art to their friends. thats cute#ah this was years ago anyway. getting my head out of the rabbit hole#im gonna go play some elden ring and then maybe do smth fun in my sketchbook we shall seeee#.diaries
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...
#hello to anyone who happens to b interested in the saga of my life... also maybe the irl person i gave my url to... hopefully my blog#didnt freak her out too much lol. anyway so its been a busy week? 2 weeks? month? year? life? its been a lot. my parents helped me move#across the country from the desert to somewhere that's beautiful and green. my dad is so jealous of me lol its so so so pretty and theres s#so much to do. will i do any of it? that remains to be seen but im gonna try to be better about that sort of thing. try to get some help#with the thoughts in my head that keep me from doing and enjoying most things. its weird like im decorating my new room which i love. the#location and living situation seem ideal and i really hope i can stay here all 5 years of my program but i was picking a lot of bright#colors and now it feel uncomfortable. like if i wear things that r too bright or my room is too bright without dark contrast it feel weird#like if im wearing it it kinda makes me feel sick. idk what thats abt. anyway. ill try to heal my brain and im just so happy to b out of the#southwest. i was so so so excited when we were leaving thr city and even more so when we left the state. i cant believe im here. in December#it felt like a million years away and i really truely could not fathom how i was gonna survive that long. my thoughts were so distorted. but#i did and here i am. and in like a month i should b starting my phd program and my parents were telling me how excited ppl r for me and#jealous of where im living and im glad. im glad they're excited. i think i am too but its under a layer of: if i get excited it wont happen#im not allowed to b excited or it wont happen. which is irrational but ya kno. anyway so that's yeah. im so happy to have a fresh start and#the town seems super cool. a liberal blip in a sea of... not that so theyre very visibly pride forward haha and i think itll b way easier#for me to get around without driving. and im gonna try to make friends. i need someone to tell me where to get tattoos haha. so yea im happy#but exhausted and i dont wanna go back to work and so so greatful to my parents for being wonderful ppl idk how bc both of them had fucked#up childhoods. like my mum will say the saddest shit and im like bro this is y i don't wanna talk to my grandma fuck her and my dads parents#r so fucked. like my nana is the reason im so fucking control freaked out but i kno i have issues and she has no insight and thinks shes#better than everyone. anyway hopefully i can get back to drawing a posting more now. ive been drawing it its been in a sketch book#like an actual sketch book for sketching big ideas thst r gonna take fucking forever to draw 😭#so that's all. just uprooted my whole life. thats all. but in a good way :-]#unrelated
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love these guys
#i like how cringe they all are. like all of them are flawed & immensely cringe. no one's main is safe#they're cringe in different ways & some more than others but they're all cringe. love it#why are the fans for my two favourite soul fighter champions the autistic-coded ones !!#why are the autistic-coded ones the most unhinged....#though tbh i think you could make an argument for all 5 of them being autistic 😭#sommer's homemade jhin cosplay is so cute#they somehow managed to capture the exact brand of weird that jhin fans are. bravo#i think the funniest part about him is that jhin would not be able to stand him lmao#him wearing a shirt with the same art that's on the print he's holding makes me crack up for some reason#obsessed with the jacked yordle named rizz.... she's everything#also can i just say i love the crop top on guy. fantastic creative decision. so many crop tops in soul fighter i love it#kiri is crazy though what do you mean she's literally selling rpf at an event that the people she's writing rpf about are at#her repeatedly trying to get samira to read her fanfiction is kind of hilarious#& then she tells samira she's going to write fanfic about her. which is kiri's way of praising her. she is nuts (affectionate)#the way she keeps casually mentioning pyke totally kills people in this universe & she still adores him#she's the worst kind of fangirl (which is the point. they're all parodies) but it's hard to hate her lol she's so silly#my only issue with her is that she's a jhin hater.... how rude#i know her tumblr game goes crazy#the only character i'm confused by is jade. the lux fangirling felt really forced to me#it's not reflected in her design at all; honestly she looks more like evelynn#especially when riki guy & rizz & sommer are all clearly emulating gwen sett & jhin respectively#plus jade's shtick was more about parodying true crime & political content creators it seemed. the lux stuff felt tacked on#i guess it was because dema is after lux & jade doesn't like dema but it felt over the top at least#on top of the fact that it's pretty hard to make sjw characters actually funny#they should've made a dema bootlicker character tbh. for funzies#i think riot should publish some of kiri's fanfiction on the universe site. wouldn't that be silly#they could do one for each of them! a transcription of one of jade's podcast episodes; guy & rizz's training regimen; a poem from sommer#hope some of them show up in LoR sometime. just for fun#league of legends#soul fighter
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i have applied for the student loan.... i have firmed the university.... i have accepted the accommodation offer.... it is therefore now time to scream for three hours because the prospect of growing up terrifies me to my core.....
#me vs being reasonable about leaving school challenge (impossible)#don't get me wrong like. every day i cannot wait to leave this fucking house.#but that's only bc said fucking house never really felt like home yknow?#and ig sixth form kinda did???#in its own weird little way#or at least the people there do#and i have been micromanaged and not allowed to do “”Normal Stuff TM“” by parents for 17 years so i do NOT fucking know how i will manage :#anyway#yippee i suppose 😭#robin goes to uni :O#i feel like i need a tag for this sorta thing hang on#robin is being dramatic about adulting :3#there we go
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.
#as a side note i had a moment of horrid irony when i thought suddenly that I WISHED mr knight were there#because he was at the vigil last year and used to be a part of my church. and i suddenly missed all my old housemates#who were here last year! went to hug people during the peace and a good friend asked if i was okay#i was like 😭😭😭😭 not really and then turned around and SAW the boy and was like well this is a twist in the plot i truly dont care for#anyway all's well i just cried buckets more my heart's been wrung OUT#he lives fae away. he was not supposed to come. anyway he did and i shook his hand formally because he offered to (???)#*far away#it was totally bizarre#he did not stay for long which. thank God. i wouldve been so much more tired if he had#but he wished me happy birthday which irked me because we'd had an unspoken agreement to not wish each other happy birthday (for fear of#mixed signals) which. happened i guess#it was INCREDIBLY bizarre. the safest ive ever felt in my life was when he was holding me#and now he's a familiar stranger i know too well whom i dont WANT to know#anyway it has been a heartwrenching and soul draining Lent and past six months or more and i was ready to cry#and so i did. bawled like a baby after certain readings and songs. cried and cried and cried#re: reasons for that concerning the ex boyfriend: it is SO weird and i dont know how to deal with it#like. i still have so much love that it feels like grief and the grief bleeds into that love too#but that love isnt for HIM anymore or at least not the person i found he was. so now it really does have nowhere to go#ANYHOW IT'S LATE BUT THE POINT IS. HE IS RISEN AND THERE ARE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS#THAN SEEING YOUR EX BOYFRIEND AT CHURCH AND BEING LIKE ?????? HUH????????
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I feel dead
#IT HURT SO BAD OMG OMG#i was crying even before i got it done i was so scared#luckily the woman who got us to have the vaccination let me hold her hands as i was injected#and the nurse was nice as well#but omg that was scary#it still stings 😭😭#my head hurts but only on the right side where i got it done#anyway im home now cause i feel really dizzy#funnily enough only some of the boys felt sick n none of the girls#which is also weird given im the only Secret Third Option™ (trans) person in my year and i felt like shit too
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Portrait of wifey <3
#guys pls tell me. what are your impressions of her(if any!!) :) im curious :D#its weird i felt like she used to be the easiest for me to draw#i think now im concerned too much abt making her look handsome 😭#if that makes sense? i used to just draw her as a quick comfort character#but now yeah idk. too concerned abt portraying her in a specific way ig#but still love her!!!!!#ive not drawn teeth in a while so thay was fun. i missed that phase of my interests lmao#i love how her hair keeps getting longer ever since i created her 😭#probably just bcs i keep putting off cutting my hair so she is influenced#ah man I said i wanted to draw smrh every wknd but i think the picrew wiped me out 😭#ive had ideas but nothing solid that really compels me yknow??#catie.art.#Rüß
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Love how mad Mischa was that i dragged her to the vet once again that she kept rubbing her nose against the carrier backpack I carried her in and now she has a bright red booboo on the top her nose
#i have to carry her 1.6 km / 1 mile to the vet and then back and i guess she just felt like shredding her nose against the rubber grit#shhhh dont tell her that we're going back on friday to check on the inflammation#but shes feeling much better again! 😭🥹 i took this photo on the bench on the balcony where she begged for treats#and the soft treats are available again and i bought like 8 bags so we're good for at least a month or two#we just played and now shes begging for dinner and im so glad shes annoying again😭😭😭#i cried so much the past weekend she wouldnt come out of my closet and would scream in a very weird voice when i tried to touch her#the vet was so nice to her she was like :3 mischa we're gonna be friends i tell you you secretly like me do you :3#they we're so gentle and kind with her 😭#they made her a little cave out of towels so shed feel better#and her liver is doing better too 😭 i was so afraid we fucked it up completely with the surgery and then the pain meds and the treats#hate to say it but this expensive vet is really worth it even if the surgery and appointments are like 2.6k euro#and back in 2018 sissys 3 day kidney dialysis stay was like... half of that
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just recently watched this is us with my college friends
#tbqh i found it kinda boring 😭#the louis clips were so not enough#ive watched some clips online prior to actually watching it (for the first time might i add)#one of my friends had a cousin who was crazyyy ab 1d so she dragged her out to the cinema to go watch it when it came out and in 3d lol 😭#the 3d schtick is so funny 2 me lmao 😭#my friend recalls freaking out in the movie theater bc she was a major niall fan at the time. she said 3d niall was so close 2 her face lol#anyway. ab how i watched some clips online prior#i was actually waiting for the louis n his sisters part or the one where he visits his school or smth#my friends.... they literally don't know a thing ab louis personality-wise so they didn't really get much from it#UGH i should download aotv and make them watch it that was way more interesting (but idk? smth about it feels like it's made for fans only?#but... i'll suggest it the next time we get together 🙏🏼#anyw back to my review.#simon cowell's face was a jumpscare what can i say. it was so evil how nicole scherzinger was just. completely written off#im from the future i Know things#<- and like. about this. i felt kinda bad being cynical about the movie when i know my friend is Still an ot5 at heart#i think i broke her 13-year old heart a little 😭#it's so weird how the movie keeps singling out zayn about him getting kicked out or him talking solo music etc kskdj. feels v pointed Lol#they really just documented the 1d-mania & madness they ensued huh.... i think 2 of my friends (bts fans) weren't as impressed LOL 😭#they kinda flamed their performances and stage outfits which is. yeah i agree. kpop idols do WAY more than just.... that (1d) kskskd#i guess i'll make them watch the extra clips next time (o haven't seen all the clips yet i think)#OH and 😭 why was martin scorsese in the film that was hilarious#didn't have a lot of realness to it. is what i thought of the film. yeah. this is(N'T) us ✊🏽😔#maybe... i am too much of a hater#i liked... the... um. it's hard to highlight things i liked ab the film when im Not a 1d fan 😭 like im a louie ONLY idgaf ab 1d 😔#the part ab louis audition.... im sorry babie the editors did u dirty but it was so funny........😭#<- though i imagine it solidified people's (wrong) opinions about him :/
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hi Hanan what's your favoritè iftar meals??
i love aloo chana chaat !! its chickpeas and diced potatoes in whisked yogurt mixed with chaat masala and with either pakodi or papdi !! papdi is like a thick crispy cracker and i either like to crush it into the chaat or just scoop it with it, and the type of pakodi im talking about is like. a crispy chip? shaped like a cheeto? but its not a chip
i also like pakoras (can be potato, mushroom, onion, etc. covered in batter and fried) and fruit chaat :))
#if... you already knew what these are then im embarrassed 😭 sorry#these days though i kind of... felt weird about having lots of stuff for iftar and then dinner afterward. it didnt feel right to me#especially seeing like. the commercialization of ramadan and how ppl are like 'look how big of an iftar i made !! 😊😊' which is like#thats not the point? of how much you made? idk i just felt really weird about it. so we're kind of just eating dates#and a little something else before maghrib and then frfr dinner. but i still really love these foods :)#esceience <3#hanancouldyounot
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