#thats why i get so annoyed at men!!!! you could have an amazing thing and you ruin it by being a stubborn shallow idiot
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manhating dyke ancestors possess me every time i hear about a man like that <- (has known and heard about men like that entire life from women in my life)
#sometimes im like maybe im not a dyke. maybe i could date men#and then men are men and its like oh yes right#i tell you my sisters and nieces and my mom and my cousins- the men they have or have had just make me not wanna try men again ever forever#like why are you SETTLING#i think the guys IN my family are alright to their partners (mostly my nephews)#but the guys marrying INTO it are usually frustratingly lame or even terrible#why are u SETTLINGGG#would i settle for less? will i settle for less?#if i dated men would i have to put up with someone who i argue with and who wont compromise?#why is it worth it? why put up with a guy whos a dumbass?#what is love to a woman that only dates men? how much does she compromise before its clear that her man doesnt know how to love?#why are you doing all the work?#why are you the smart one?#i think even worse than ending up with a dumbass guy i think im afraid that i would be like a dumbass guy#dense and obtuse to my girls feelings and wants and needs#that i wouldnt treat her right#thats why i get so annoyed at men!!!! you could have an amazing thing and you ruin it by being a stubborn shallow idiot#i know its the way theyre raised but come ONNN#ah i could rant forever#im just making myself mad#its so many things i dont get#and i cant ask my sisters or my mom cuz its rude to insult someones partner or past partners sometimes#doctalk#i know! i know! societal issue above my paygrade blah blah blah
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ATINY/MOA/CARATS vs Made in Abyss was the last thing I expected and its hilarious
feel like I need to say something since twitter absolutely loves spreading misinfo and just accusing people of shit, how have you people not LEARNED your lesson yet? Since when is twitter such a trusted source, especially gossip accounts?
And before you braindead stans start calling me a d!ckrider, I promise you I do not care about these men cuz I've got better things to focus on and I'm making this because people are overreacting and it's getting annoying. It's so obvious 90% of you haven't watched the anime (and thats completely fine, I get you) and then ended up listening to someone who made stuff up and overexaggerated. I'm not here to defend the author because I hate him as much as you do and can absolutely recognize the dude is into some weird shit but saying people are ONLY interested in this series because of r@pe and p€dophilia is INSANE. So let me answer some questions as a Made an Abyss reader (not calling myself a fan because you'll catch me DEAD before you see me buying any merch or manga despite my love for the series), kpop fan second.
Does Made In Abyss contain p3d0ph1l1c themes, gore etc.?
There absolutely is because the author is a creep (refering to the nsfw however, most of the times it's very easily skippable. As someone who hates l0l1con cuz it creeps me out, I can tell you that I really didn't have a hard time skipping said scenes even in the manga which is far more explicit than the anime (Prushka asking about Bond's 'stick', Faputa looking into Regs pants, Vueko's weird comments) and sometimes, they're even added as extras (0.5 chapters) which certain sites that contain scans don't even include. I didn't even know about the existence about a few of these chapters BECAUSE they don't include them.
The OVA is a nightmare to watch and was not only unfunny but creepy as fuck especially when they try to boil down such an amazing character like Ozen into 'I like seeing little kids in pain'. Now I have no idea if this was made independently but I don't remember the author making any spin-offs that they could base this on so I can't tell you who wrote it but even then I doubt that the author minded it since the man himself had to include that Faputas behind smells like the 'Sun' so again, not here to defend him cuz he most definitely is a weirdo, no doubt about it.
Is Made in Abyss torture p*rn?
If MiA is torture p*rn then AoT is military propaganda and supports child labor, TPN is also torture p*rn, JJK promotes violence, Berserk excuses r*pe and Evangelion is also p*do bait. See how stupid that sounds? Just because an anime INCLUDES something, does not mean it necessarily supports it. Yes, r*pe is mentioned but it's not even SHOWN, and it's a cruical part of a characters backstory. The torture that happens, happens only once if we exclude Riko's 'experiment' at the very beginning of the manga. And Mitty's transformation can't even be classified as torture cuz it's a.... transformation. Prushka's death is very censored so its not like you can jack off to that anyways. Now the piss thing is something I have noticed but haven't really payed attention it because bffr why the hell would I so idk, maybe the author is trying to tell us something or the guy thinks pee pee poo poo funny🤷♀️.
Is there any plot besides the weird stuff?
See now this is the part that gets me most because the reason why a majority of people nowadays got into MiA in the first place is BECAUSE of the amazing plot. The world building, the mystery, the fight scenes, etc. It's amazingly drawn, nicely paced and unique in its own way. But of course, it's manga&anime and what's anime without fanservice? I already explained that in manga, said scenes can be easily skipped and the anime thankfully doesn't include a lot of these. I do have to admit thag I dropped the manga for now since the chapter where they were in a bath cuz it was another one of those 'here we go again' moments where it made me roll my eyes and just close the tab so I don't really know what's been happening recently and if things go weirder.
I'm also gonna tell you honestly that yes, the fandom is filled with sweaty dudebros itching to see these kids half naked and the author is aware of them and pondering to them because he too is one of them. But a large majority is back from when the anime originally came out and are mostly hiding on twitter so it's easy to avoid them and they've been pretty rare ever since people with actual interest in the series have begun watching it. A reason why back in the day I didn't wanna interact with the fandom at ALL was because the moment I tried to have a normal conversation about the plot and what might actually be going on, I instead get bombarded with "UWAAAA😭😭😭" and 'c*nny' comments. I also cannot defend and don't even plan on defending the fact that Faputa is pretty much naked the entire series. I get that she lives in the literal wilderness, but the very least you could do is put a cloth on her y'know. And mind you, I'm talking about the manga. The anime is a LOT more heavily censored, and from what I heard, even MORE censored in Korea.
To sum it up:
Do I think Mingi/Soobin/Woozi are p*dos cuz they watched the anime? Absolutely the fuck not. Considering Mingi is a big CSM fan, I can see why he watched Made in Abyss because I was in that same pipeline. I think some of you are going way too far with these comments, if you wanna call them weird, creepy, wanna unstan them for reading stuff like this go ahead, not gonna stop because in the end no one can but accusing people of crimes isn't funny and never will be. If they were exposed for watching shit like Kodomo no Jikan then that most definitely IS eyebrow raising. Maybe I'm slightly biased due to me only enjoying MiA for the plot so seeing people say the fans are p3d0s when the first time I watched this was when I was freshly 15.... yeah idk abt that one. Whether they liked the weird and questionable scenes, I have zero idea I'm just here to say that you can enjoy said anime without being a weirdo and you shouldn't begin jumping to conclusions and start calling people straight up criminals. If anyone wants to have a productive conversation and ask questions abt said anime cuz I doubt you're gonna go watch an anime over a Twitter drama, go ahead and ask. If you wanna insult me and call me a d!ckrider then go ahead and do that too, who am I to stop you?
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Imagine Cale falling for someone the opposite of him. They're poor, live alone, and have never told a lie. They have a shack in the woods with a garden and some animals, pretty much self-sustaining and living in peace. But, unlike him, they may look like an average person yet have the strength of ten men. They have a bad reputation, because they kinda fit the whole "evil witch that lives in the woods" vibe. And even though they're honest(blunt), they can't get a long with people. Just imagining their dynamic is hilarious and amazing.
1) i went overboard, 2) cale is ooc in some parts, me thinks, 3) messy asf. im sorry
Cale's thought upon the first meeting is probably "oh wow they have my dream life"
except for the poor part. we all know Cale doesn't speak broke
s/o not being able to lie is good for him. he wont need to play the guessing game all the time unlike with other people
but at the same time he thinks they wont make it far in life with that
but not that it matters much. he has confidence he'll be able to protect them for they are one of his people
speaking of s/o becoming one of his people. i really think that's the only way for Cale to fall in love
the man is closed off so if you aren't in his circle you wont stand a chance
luckily for s/o Cale saw their strength and deemed that it would be beneficial
and the rest after that is history
now them as a couple!
one word: intimidating
they're that power couple everyone admires but are to scared to approach
how can you when you're dealing with a natural intimidating aura and a leader aura fueled by an ancient power purely for domination?
so when they look at each other and then proceed to whisper everyone doesn't know if they find the scene hot or scary
what they don't know is that s/o is actually super anxious
"Cale i think they're looking at me weirdly... I want to go home"
"if i ask one more golden plaque from hyung-nim you can use it to blind them"
"why are you asking for another one? dont you still have 20 more?"
"but thats for shopping with you and the kids"
yes Cale is the type to spoil their s/o openly, i will take this hc with me even after u get buried 6ft underground
as i said cale doesn't speak broke so ofc his s/o have to get the best of the best
meanwhile s/o likes to live a simple life
cue many arguments that occurs everyday while everyone else in the villa watch with popcorn
dont get me wrong, Cale admires their self-sustaining, simple life and he supports it
but he also thinks you can't be wealthy enough yknow
the more riches the better
thats cale's motto
meanwhile s/o is probably
the simpler the better
THE KIDS LOVE THEM SM
ofc we have the fact that if cale loves them then the whole fam will also love them as long as they dont have bad intentions
but the kids love them for
is it because of their natural affinity with animals? are they really just that good with kids? is it both?
Cale honestly doesn't want to think about it
all this man knows is that while they make look ethereal while interacting with kids and animals, it annoys the hell out of him when they go bother him early in the morning
the villa doesn't even have pets
most of the time its just random animals (specially birds) knocking on his bedroom window wanting to see his s/o early in the morning
but grumble as much as he want he wont rlly do about it when they see how happy they are playing with those annoying little things
moments like that makes Cale think how you dont get along with other people outside your circle much
but then again outside Cale's safe clutches is the filthy world of high society
and he knows how they dont like hearing the truth, something s/o always deliver, but instead prefer empty praises
oh well, Cale could care less about those greedy nobles. he also make sure to remind his s/o that they are trash and its not worth it getting along with them
cue more argument about how this is why Cale would probably die friendless
overall its safe to say they are intimidating in public and act like an old married couple in private
they may have different values and morals from Cale but he wouldn't trade them for anything
#le asks#trash of the count's family#lout of the count’s family#tcf#lcf#cale henituse#lotcf#totcf#lotcf x reader#cale x reader#cale henituse x reader
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Dating Ging Freeces
Ging Freecss x fem! reader
Warnings: Swearing, mentions of sex/intimacy but nothing actually happens
A/N: Why do I do this? Because I'm me and I have little dignity left
*slams head against wall repeatedly*
Tiffany you dumb bitch why do you have to develop stupid crushes on toxic men
*rests head on wall, take deep breath*
Ok I'm fine now
Being with Ging is annoying to say the least
Honestly you probably wonder daily why you are still with this man 🤨
But love is a crazy thing YN
In all honestly, Ging is probably more the fwb type
He doesn't like to be tied down
As evident by his lack of parenting to Gon 🙃
Gon you sweet angel you deserve so much better 😫
He'd probably be like "It's ok my dad's an amazing hunter :D"
So if you are looking for a "relationship without labels" Ging's the guy for you
When you first met him, you were turned off by his brass attitude and rude behavior
He's might be shy but he's outspoken on alot of things
If you are a ruins hunter like him, he will test your knowledge, constantly feeling the need to on up you 😒
Yep he's one of THOSE guys
But don't let it bother you YN
Don't play into his games because we all know he's just testing you
When he tries to one up you, just say "oh thats nice"
Ging 👉🏻😐😑
There is no real definite moment in your relationship where you become a couple
Honestly you guys just start hanging out together and that's kind of it
Actually you two probably just sort of form of truce and that's it 🤷♀️
Intimacy doesn't start right away
And like your relationship, it kind of just happens
Like Ging will just walk up to you one day, kiss you passionately and that's all she wrote 😅
Intimacy does happen often when he's with you
I will give him this, I think he's a pretty passionate guy
He's also romantic but not on purpose
Will take you to some of the most gorgeous places on earth without even thinking about it
Mans enjoys the little things life has to offer and wants to experience them with you
While he might be romantic, he will also just up and leave you 🙄
After a night of passion don't be surprised if you wake up in a bed alone
He will leave you a note on the pillow that says something like
"I'm off. I'll reach out soon. Ging"
You will have to be pretty secure to be in a relationship with Ging
Mans will not contact you for weeks or even MONTHS!
And when he does, it's not much
Just a text or two
BUT they are cute 🥺
"*sends picture of gorgeous landscape* I can't wait to bring you here" or "the only thing that could make this place more beautiful is you"
😫😫😫 mans is romantic
He's also possessive and jealous as HELL
Seriously, you two might not have a defined relationship
But Ging will make it VERY well know that you are his and his alone
Even if some guy is merely talking to you, Ging is in the corner, glaring 😑
He's literally a child YN
Gon and Killua are more mature 🙄
You are a social and sweet person
Many hunters think of you as a literal Angel sent from heaven
And they truly have no clue why you are with Ging 😒
Honestly that's the question that surrounds most of the Zodiac meetings
Oh, btw you and Ging serve on the zodiac council together
And while Ging rarely shows up, you often get hounded about you relationship
Totally get thrown under the bus with that one YN
"Alright before we start does anyone have any issues to being up?"- Miss Cheadle asks
"Yeah I have a question, YN when are you going to realize how shitty Ging is and dump his dumbass?"- Kanzai asks
You 👉🏻😐🙄
"Seriously YN you are gorgeous and perfect and Ging, well Ging is Ging!"- Pyon asks
"Everyone please! This isn't a quarrem about YN and Ging's love life"- Cheadle adds
"Thank you"- you
"Even if we are all confused as to why someone like YN would date Ging, we should be respectful"- Cheadle
You 👉🏻😐 thank you
"I mean, the man is a literal child abandoning jerk who rarely shows up to meetings but it's not about that! I'm sure Ging and YN make a great couple"- Cheadle
You 👉🏻😐 yep
"And I'm sure whatever weird connection they have makes them both happy even if Ging tends to ruin everything"- Cheadle
You 👉🏻 ight imma head out ✌🏻
I told you, you gotta be tough to be in a ship with Ging YN
And when Ging does show up to meetings, you can bet there is ONE person who will irritate him to no end
"I'm so sorry to keep everyone waiting, where is Miss YN?"- Pariston says smirking at Ging
Ging will probably growl at the mere mention of your name from Pariston's lips
You come in the conference room and take you seat next to Ging
"I'm sorry, Beans needed my help with something"- you say smiling and sitting down
"Miss YN you are always so kind and giving! I would live to have someone like you working at my agency"- Pariston smirks
Ging will seriously be growling so loud at this point
YN do something 😫
"Pariston, thank you but I'm very happy where I am"- you say calmly
Ging grabs your hand under the table because the feral man needs to chill out
But don't worry, that won't stop Pariston
Oh no no no
Because he's equally as annoying as Ging 🙃
God I'd HATE being a member of the zodiacs with those two on board 🥴
At every turn, Pariston is trying to get under Ging's skin
"Miss YN, can I just say how beautiful you look today?"- rat man
Ging 👉🏻😑😠
You 👉🏻 😐 🙄 thank you Pariston
"Miss YN you should be vice chairman when become chairman. I'd love to work closely with you"- Pariston
"OVER MY DEAD BODY RAT"- Ging yells 🤬
You 👉🏻😐🤦♀️ thanks Pariston but I think I'll pass
But the absolute best thing EVER happened during the question and answer session the zodiacs held for the hunters
You know the one where Leorio punched Ging 🤪
Honestly classic 👌🏻
You sat there while the crowd applauded Leorio for his amazing performance
"I told you to go visit him"- you say as Ging gets up from the floor, rolling your eyes
As you stand up to check on Ging, you cross in front of Pariston
Causing the rat to stick his leg out and "accidently" trip you
As you fall, gracefully 💅🏼
My headcanons and I always wished I was graceful so let me live my dreams ☺️
Pariston stands quickly and catches you mid fall, like in one of those romance books
You stare into his eyes, blushing
"My goodness Miss YN, are you-"
Before he can finish, Ging's fist is connecting with Pariston's face and that's all she wrote
"I said, get the HELL away from my girlfriend you rat"- Ging
You 👉🏻👁👄👁 girlfriend?
The zodiacs 👉🏻😱 he finally admitted it
All the Hunters 👉🏻 standing ovation for Ging punching Pariston 👏🏻
It's like the WWE up in here!
After the meeting, you help patch Ging up
"Girlfriend huh??"- You say trying not the smile
Ging rolls his eyes
"Well it's true isn't it?" He scoffs
"Yeah I guess just never thought I'd see the day"- you shrug
"Well I guess I just need to introduce you to Gon then"- Ging says
"Oh I already met him"- you waving your hand
Ging 👉🏻😃 whet-
"Yeah Kite introduced us. He's a really sweet boy Ging, not sure where he got that from"- you chuckle
"Hey I'm sweet! I defended you against Pariston didn't I?!?"- Ging groans
"Like I couldn't have handled him? How do you think I've managed at meetings when you don't show up?"- You
Ging 👉🏻😑 I'm going to kill that asshole!
You roll your eyes knowing Ging is a true man of his word 🥰
#hunter x hunter headcanons#hunter x hunter fanfic#hunter hunter#hunter x hunter#ging freecss#ging freecss x reader#ging freecss x female reader#hxh x y/n#hxh x you#hxh x reader#hxh x female reader#ging freecss headcanons#ging freecss x yn#ging hxh#hxh headcanons#hxh ging#hxh hcs
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gerodi la forge differently designed
(image desiption
Gerodi la forge without vizor eyes unfocused going in slightly different direction, wearing his yellow uniform standing stoic but proud, the spectrum the vizor lets him see from (or should only read thread as to why I think that) it refracting of his face as the effects surrounded him a lil like he being beamed up to a ship.)
Embrace the spectrum of blind/V.I eyes artists!, embrace the nuance of disabilities people!
Gerodi la forge is a complicated representation for the blind/chronic pain community though probably more positive than most but still falling under the technology ruining the nuance of disability.
So I wanted to draw him and show a more accurate(imo) portrayal of his eyes without the visor to 1 cuz white clear eyes trope annoys me
2 to not want to hide blind person eyes as media often tends to do (minus sunglasses needed for blind actor due to sensitivities)
3 cuz they cause pain and so he should have them off more often.
to note a lot of what im going to say is written way better an documented better by janet jay a lot of my sources are from here amazing piece on gerodi you should read: https://www.janetjay.com/what-star-trek-got-wrong-about-geordis-disabilities/ also if you in blind community are fine with his eyes portrayed as more cataract, that’s valid too.
So gerodi la forge for me as a avid star trek fan was important, hey I can exist if he can he not been erased! Buuuuuuuut,
it did urk me that 1 he was kinda a lil nerdy creep trope that never got a gf which levar burton himself has called out as racism from the shows writers (sources at bottom of thread) id also argue ableism also and many able bodied people treat disabled people as sexless.
but also that he never got to be disabled really, he suffered from chronic pain form the vizor but kept choosing to not take pain pills or treatment, which you know that’s some inner ableism right there I did to myself as a teen, and I kinda think gerodi reinforced it a lil in me,
“look where he is, he deals with the pain he never shows it”
Not a great message really, gerodi never is allowed to show the struggle they choose that the vizor existing was enough, and yes we got that amasing ep where he didn’t want to be fixed, but that would then be countered by never showing the struggle. Women at warp did a great ep where on disability karrisa mehr calling gerodi a disabled version of a “manic pixie dream girl” feels very apt.
Never allowed to complain just be quirky gerodi.
And on to the vizor
The vizor is complicated , it apparently let him see much of the EM spectrum", ranging from simple heat and infrared through radio waves” now I personally am all for mobility aids that have cool attachments but it’s a delicate balance of unique features and fixing and or making them more powerful than able bodied colleague-cuz thats fixing, and I feel gerodi with how show wrote it and portrayed him it was a magic fix more than an aid, why I chose to only show the thermal spectrum in image, instead of how it apparently can see everything more than human eyes can anyway which yeh defeat aid purpose.
image of vizor silver sem ring over eye with gold lines across not fullyblcokign vision 0
and it gave him chronic pain, they choose this as a balancer, okay…but then never portrayed it just did to show how gerodi overcame his disabilities and gets on with it like a good soldier. So yeh im mixed on it. They made great use in ep when it was hacked by cardassians this is the cool thing you can do with mobility aids (unless you just destroy them, fuck you then) and that was interesting for the time, but um then in he insolence of office the ebook gerodi forced to have his vizor REMOVED so he can stay in star fleet as its now a security risk- NOT OKAy you could have just had a redesign or a arc of gerodi having to fight for it if you must but no , brain surgery remove this part of you!!
(gif desicription men seeing tea they drink is funky to show how gross what they did to gerodi waas)
so yeh my ending take is gerodi is complicated overall that’s still a positive over most disabled rep in sci-fi but many mistakes were made and some part of gerodi was harmful and picard sure as hell didn’t address that. They show his eyes now but its still the white cloudy trope and knowing its for awful reasons kidna ruins that. So I hope my art here just shows his potential and blind eyes diversity, but opens up discussions in not fixing and overcoming can be toxic and that
pain is part of a disability its part of the rep and it sucks
this is very important to remember when depicting disability that there’s nuance guys.
Thank you
Levar burton on gerodi: https://boundingintocomics.com/2021/12/15/star-trek-the-next-generation-star-levar-burton-says-geordi-laforge-never-finding-love-was-racist-those-white-men-who-wrote-the-show-had-an-unconscious-bias-that-was-on-display-to-me-and-to/
#digital art#artists on tumblr#disabled representation#disability inclusion#disability aids#disabled#star trek#star trek fanart#star trek fandom#geordi la forge#gerodi vizor#star trek picard#star trek next gen#star trek tng#image description in piece
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it's 5am and im up for no reason time for everyones favorite segment: ryan's bad opinion corner
todays episode: stranger things fandom and ficdom pet peeves and things i find silly
disclaimer: it's 5am i'm grumpy and none of these things are worth getting angry about. i don't actually get mad at people who do this stuff or write these things. in fact i love torturing myself but more than that i like to read and sometimes people take these things and make it fun or dramatic and i love drama. most of these are just silly little things. we all have them snd i know for a fact that some people's pet peeve is just like. everything ive ever written
people who can't talk about mike wheeler without making it obvious how much they hate him irrationally. especially in fic. why are you making him so antagonistic towards everyone he is so desperate to be liked. have u seen that kid. have u watched the last four seasons of stranger things
people who can't be normal about billy. real bad opinion corner type shit but like. i wish people could write or talk about him without either excusing how shitty he is OR absolving him of all that. if you make him a cartoon villain you're kind of diminishing how fucked up and racist he was in canon, like that isn't enough to make him a shitty guy and an antagonist on his own. let people explore his character without forcing them to pick between "needs to be tortured to death for his crimes on screen Or Else you're a billy apologist" and "needs to be forgiven by everyone and kiss steve at the end"
not a pet peeve just kind of a thing that makes me tilt my head a bit bc i think it's kind of silly. future fics where dustin and suzie get married... like they met before high school i love suzie so bad but like what is the chance that every single one of the kids in the show is going to be with their middle school sweetheart their entire lives. this opinion does not extend to lucas and max i hope they get married.
when people imply that eddie or robin are biphobic. biphobia exists and is complicated and can be explored in fic or whatever but when i see gay characters who are massively biphobic and only the gay characters who are massively biphobic it sure rubs me the wrong way. gay people are not biphobic by default. ESPECIALLY IF ITS LIKE
fic where steve is literally fucking eddie and eddie's like "man i cant believe hes fucking me and he's straight and doesn't like men at all" like thats not even biphobic at that point like eddie you need to be punched in the head with a blunt object you are just stupid and not in a cute way. i can't read several thousand words of that. no one would act like that even if they were biphobic
when nancy isn't annoying. make her annoying. make her abrasive and judgmental and kind of mean. but also like. don't forget that she's like very smart and helpful and caring and full of guilt and love. you think she can't be good and amazing and also a bitch? god forbid women do anything.
******* just in general but i don't want to be crucified ive already made two deeply inflammatory statements
when people don't love lucas enough. love him more. you are silly.
when you're mad about popular fanon and write an angry fic basically using the characters to make your point for you. and i totally get it. if u hate that trope u can also say hit da bricks. but i can tell how pissed off u were about this while writing and it does not make me agree with u more. in fact it's an interesting enough thought experiment that it can stand on its own and having the argument in the fic where you're basically mad at the fandom makes me less inclined to agree with you or want to keep reading. this is mainly because fic is something that is enjoyable to me when it's written out of love for an idea rather than frustration. you can always tell when the writer is annoyed and it makes it wayyy less enjoyable to read
i feel like that last one was kinda mean (or it was before i took out the particular context bc even though it's unlikely anyone will read this i dont want the person who wrote the thing im talking about to catch wind of it) so im going back to sleep i love you
last one
people who go out of their way to tell an author that their headcanon is unrealistic or their writing pisses them off or they didn't like how something played out or how someone was characterized. get over it please if you didn't like it, it wasn't for you. complain to your friends if you must, not the artist. don't make people feel like shit i'll cut off the roof of your house like wile e coyote and i AM serious about this one
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Stop watching so much porn bro and go get a life
This. Is. Hilarious. Cause you're all "you're only trans because you fetishize women". That's what you're saying; that porn made me trans. But the irony is I stopped consuming pornography which is what lead me to figuring out I was transgender.
See, I was trying to be a better man. Which lead me to honestly listen to women who commonly mentioned that most men admit they get ideas as teens from male fantasy pornography. That they as women have to constantly work to break these perceptions of fetishization in order to be treated as equals in a relationship and it's exhausting. So I was like: "well damn, lets stop consuming that kind of pornography" and I got curious if like all porn was detrimental. And it turns out they had a list of good, women respecting romance novels often written by women FOR women, that they considered pornographic light or not even pornographic at all. I decided to literally skip the sex parts because I decided all porn is bad (it's not, but a lot of it is trash, and this was a later discovery).
And that was how I began to understand the importance of passive romance and how not everything I do should be about satisfying my sex drive. That love and sex are different concepts and love can lead to sex but shouldn't have to. I thought: "if I can't control my urges, my desires, then I'm no better than these bad men who exploit women" and "if I try to change now, my current fiance will have less to work on with me" because I was sure I'd fuck up SOMETHING (and I did and learned for the better).
As I went along listening to women more, my co-workers, friends, and my AFAB spouse, I began to kind of ... click more with women than I ever had with men. I became the "guy who gets it" and was told more than once that I had the "vibes of [their] gay friends but was oddly straight" and that they envied my spouse because "guys like [me] aren't common". I learned that my sex-drive didn't need to be the reason I was hanging around women, that being a friend was reward enough and sex was only ever secondary to the feelings of others. Now you might be all "it's easier for you to say that", but for context, I was an absolute nymphomaniac. My drive was strong enough to return full force in an hour and I was operating at a constant peak. You could not make me "more aroused", I was always there. It was always annoying. But being the guy others could feel safe around, even when drunk, was something I prided myself on. I loved the talks, the bitching, the complaining, the fun stories, the emotional connection with my friend group of women.
Queue a SINGLE OneTopic video and I got curious about transgender people. I'd never really given anything queer much thought but hey, lesbians are women too with their own unique issues with womanhood and I gave their forums and resources a look, and this group of people seemed to have some of the same struggles as I do on their path to becoming women so maybe I can learn something in these communities to be an even better man.(Major closeted moment, I didn't know the amazing world I was about to walk into).
This ... was where my revelation hit. I didn't identify with some of the issues. I identified with ALL of them. Granted, the dysphoria didn't factor in the same because I was just passively miserable. I recognize now, and only recently, that my dysphoria didn't rise and fall like most, it was just always there and thats what made euphoria so potent. Things didn't make me dysphoric, I was just ALWAYS dysphoric. Full blast. And that was my normal. It took a single two button meme for my realization to shatter my world. It asked a simple question of two buttons:
Wait until the next life to be a woman
"Why wait?"
I always wanted to know what it was like to be a girl. I'd played women in MMORPG's just to get in with the womens only groups so I could just hang out and talk. Not to get things, or catfish, just to ... be included when questing, farming, doing dungeons. It was less stressful. Less competitive. Less ... like even if there was no competition someone was always trying to prove they were that much better. It was more helping, and advice, and ... friendly. I wanted that more.
And so I asked myself: "with all the problems women face, that I know of, all the trials and problems, including the hatred and danger of being trans, would I trade everything I have as a man? Would I trade the higher pay, the immediate attention over women, the privileges of being a man, for fighting to be equal my entire life, for being treated second class and worth less than dirt by others?"
Why wait?
So no, I don't fetishize women. I'm not trans because I think women are hot and this gives me a "better chance". I'm trans because I've always been transgender. I always fit in better with women. Even my guy friends knew before I did. They knew since highschool. They just waited for me to say it.
So I have a life. It's built on 26 years of slow discovery. Filled with accepting friends. Filled with successes. And I'm about to achieve so much more.
That make you angry? I don't care. I responded to this to give a message:
Being transgender isn't sexual, and isn't about fetishization. It's about self expression.
So thank you for letting me express myself. Next time, ask a question.
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Malcolm and Marie live blog
I don't usually do liveblogs for movies but yea.
Spoilers ahead!!
I love that its modern timed but very 70s stylized.
A tune indeed.
When you are high and drunk on success and
How the white critic reacts is why I feel like gatekeeping my scripts. At the same time some things I do make are about race or involve.
Marie sitting on the patio smoking is a mood whenever men are talking.
So he's pretentious and unaware.
Whoever chose the music for this, I feel like we would be Spotify mutuals.
Can this nigga stop pacing.
Also can he stop talking;
Marie is so tired and unimpressed.
Also little booties matter and are to be bitten.
Oooo the tension and the jazz.
Title Card over mac and cheese.
Shitty boxes mac and cheese but still mac and cheese.
Tbh i always wonder if spouses/significant others get upset when their spouses don't acknowledge them during speeches.
John sounds so much like his dad but I really hope his acting style differs from his dad a lot.
Guilty confession?
He did not profit off of his partners backstory and then not even acknowledge her.....I.....
If that ever happened to me catch me cussing my partner out during the beginning credits, the end credits, in the car, and at home.
GASLIGHTER!
The way I'm excited for Zendaya to give me some, oooo can she work with Regina King. Please on my knees I pray.
Um no that's not your job to coddle your lead.
He's a dick and the type of dick who makes himself look like a good person around other people.
If Sam Levinson is trying to make his viewers more of misandrist, it's working.
I feel like Marie has her flaws probably a lot of them and we will surely see as this continues, but Malcolm needs to learn how to apologize sincerely.
70s vibes! 70s vibes!
Them kissing and talking about criticism and dreams makes me miss a partner. A partner that I've had and haven't had.
Women really are behind every great man.
Yea sir you fucked a happy moment.
Oh visual allegories for looking in from the outside and cat and mouse chasing and looking from the outside in.
She's saying she doesn't feel noticed by you.
Gas lighter :0 he called her an emotional support dog, bruh.
I would LOVE to co-write or take a writing class held by Sam Levinson. The fights i write are very much in this same realm of reflection and anger and monologue.
Sam.....sam.....are all the sides inside of you doing okay sir?
The ugly side of dating and being in a relationship with someone who struggles with their own demons.
Honestly I could close my eyes and listen to this script being read without seeing these characters visually. Just close my eyes and get a sense of these characters like it was a radio story.
Oh. Oh this is a new wheelhouse of Zendaya acting; a different voice is like breaking through here and her expressions aren't the same we are used to. You can literally hear another character in there....hmm.
Mans is outside really fighting with his invisible demons lmfao.
Selfish ass, how after everything she said you came out of it thinking about your own craft and self instead of how you hurt her.
So she's conditional.
Me: did sam (a white man) say nigga this many times in his script or are the actors adding their own inflections. Not just the lingo used but the topic of race and directing etc. being written by a white writer about black characters is always gonna be a critique when you're writer is a white person.
Alexa play Broken Girls by Saba
He is so hurtful.
A clown nigga a clown look in the fucking mirror you bozo head ass looking like you need some Mehron clown white and a size 16 in clown shoes.
John is doing a really swell performance and reading of these lines.
He is reading her for her insecurities by bringing up his experiences with other women and that.....is yikes.
Arguments can get messy like this in real life but it takes a lot of maturity and control to either not let it get to this point or have a healthy conversation afterwards.
This film is really shot on some very crisp lenses.
They sitting there like 🚬🧍♀️🧍♂️.
Leftover Mac and Cheese and unfinished cigarettes.
The nyt etc. pay walls are so annoying, but there is a work around look at the articles on incognito or add a period at the end of the url.
He sounds like his daddy so much here, weird, this is the only part I'm eh on the dialogue it feels real but a bit out of pace in how they are bouncing off one another.
Nail scissors? So the end is not the only part he based off of Marie. 🙄
ITS A GOOD REVIEW YOU DINGUS but also its a full review they are going to critique things. She isn't wrong though he did profit off of a woman's story that was not his own to profit from.
Yes Malcolm because unfortunately all marginalized people look through a lens of life that is inherently political because of the world they live in.
He is so mad and upset and had a lot on his chest. But I think he Malcolm and Sam are talking about something thats an issue and a non issue. Being critiqued for you art is hard but also Malcolm is not super self aware. He's like a stand in figure of for example rich depop sellers who wanna be oppressed so badly they yell at others instead of examining their own personal behaviors and ethics.
Oh Marie, when you know the spark is gone and you pick fights because.
He ain't even ask her to read?
One critic I have for most of hollywood actors is they learn their cry and that is it. A change from this is Margot Robbie, I adore her fluctuations of crying being similar but the crying is carried differently for each character. If I had to say any actor that does a cry scene amazing its this woman right here (Amy Adams)
You stole her story from her and gave it away, she has a right to be upset and angry and a rubber band ball of emotions.
Citizen Kane, not the cinematography, but the story is it even that good? (Unpopular opinion but meh, maybe in my rewatch it will be better.)
But that is what people want authenticity and whatever authenticity means to them. What is real for one is false for another.
To be honest look at the criticism of Euphoria, well earned, but a lot of people were like this isn't real even though he literally wrote about his own life. People said it was inauthentic like....wtf.
Ahh the smoking is just a habit, he quit and she didn't.
CAST ZENDAYA IN A HORROR MOVIE PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING. Get Lupita and Zendaya and some more black actors preferably less known ones in a horror movie. One with a interesting script and story, directed by Regina King. Please and thankyou.
I love Marie yep that was amazing.
Behind every great man is a greater woman, one that deserves her credit for how she has stood behind. I wonder the stories of those women, what they have sacrificed or not sacrificed. Their thoughts and feelings when the world is surrounding their partner and views them as a plus one. (I'd write a short script about this but I think do I have the time, can I, or am I equipped ?)
He is a shitty person for bringing up his exes, like she even said I don't wanna know any of that.
Imagine being on anti depressents and rarely having a sex drive and then when you do your partner starts talking about their exes and tearing you apart for all your faults.
I love when you see peaks of Zendaya's cadence in roles.
Tension, what if's and he didn't even bring her up in his speech.
Marie to herself and the audience:
He is not afraid that he will loose her but as my character says in my unreleased story, "i can't wait til you give me a fucking reason to leave your ass." Malcolm expects everything in order for not even doing the bare minimum and she is only asking him for something as simple as consideration. She just wants him to be considerate. He wants to get married and considers their relationship like rolling down a hill at full speed and he cannot apologize, he cannot be considerate, and he cannot admit his wrongs. He can only offer her I love yous that he probably does mean but he does not back up outside of what he's done for her in the past. The past which was more of her experience than his and he sees his part in it as a burden. He doesn't use his own vantage point of the past to further his career he uses her. He does all of these things without a real apology or thankyou because he is not afraid to loose her.
The restrictions of quarantine and the panorama have made Sam's writing very no frills. I wonder how other films from other directors and writers that are filmed in small contained crews like this will be structured. But this was a very good movie gonna add to my letter box 3.3-3.5
Oh shit this is my song,
Ratings/overall thoughts:
Script is like a C+, B- : I could go into my heavier big brain thoughts on the script but I don't feel like it. You catch hints of it above it centers conversation on race and privilege, mainly the writers and questions i have that won't be answered but Sam did make me grow disdain for Malcolm over a short time. Which is sometimes hard to do because im one sympathetic person but the sympathy i have for Malcolm is at 0. Maybe a 2 at some scenes but then it quickly goes back to 0. Some parts of the dialogue miss the mark or hit the are off balanced. While some of it like Malcolm's bathroom speech albeit mean is really strong or their conversation when he comes back from peeing really shines for me.
Performances: B+ to A- because they carried the script further than it could of gone with less talented actors. The monologues do well to showcase their current skill levels which are already high af and leave room for anticipation in where these actors go next.
Zendaya holding a knife: A+ with a gold star. That switch on and off and on is delectable.
John being a shitty boyfriend but following Marie like a lost puppy: B+ with a good job written at the bottom of the paper, Malcolm being nervous a frantic dialed up with more realistic nervousness would have sold me completely on Malcolm's anxious waiting.
Cinematography: A and a participation award.
The mac and cheese: A+ for the easy mac. Wish it was like Annie's or Velveeta.
Cigarettes: Participation award and their picture hung up for student of the month. Why the grill lighter? Everytime Malcolm opened up his mouth Marie was like sparks fly.
The music: A++ with a prize. Whoever picked the music probably makes good Spotify playlists.
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Enola Holmes
I’m going to begin this by saying that this is only my opinion: I am not trying to hate on anyone and if you disagree with me, that’s fine, I don’t want to cause any controversy or argument. This is in no way intended to offend anyone, I just want to express my thoughts, and yes, I realise that this kind of makes me sound like those old men who watch movies and go bUt ThAtS nOt CoMiC aCcUrAte and then make fun of people who weren’t ‘there from the start’. Anyway, back to the point:
Enola Holmes, in my opinion, was not a good movie.
It’s fine if you like it, and I’m not saying that the actors in it are bad at their jobs, but I found it very disappointing (by the way, I do realise it was released a while ago and this is a very late review). I’ve got to be honest, I wasn’t actually expecting that much from it. I don’t really like the trope where they take a famous, fictional, male icon and give him a younger, rebellious, female sibling who is trying to ‘be’ him, then they label it as ‘girl power’. I guess in some ways it could work, but sometimes, it’s just boring.
The plot line wasn’t the most exciting thing, but that’s not the main reason why I disliked the movie. It was how they represented Arthur Conan Doyle’s characters. I get that adaptations of books are not always exact, but Enola Holmes missed out really important features of the characters.
Henry Cavill (an amazing actor, don’t get me wrong) is not at all suited for Sherlock Holmes. When I first heard he was going to play him, I was very confused. Henry Cavill tends to play quite serious, stern roles (he is, after all, Superman), not strange, dramatic detectives with drug-addictions. When I see Henry Cavill, all I can think of is Superman. That’s not his fault, obviously, but the way he played Sherlock was a bit.... I hate to say this.... boring. Also, he wasn’t very smart, which is a very important part of Sherlock’s personality. In the books, John Watson literally describes Sherlock to ‘run around like a dog who is picking up on a scent’ (The Boscombe Valley Mystery) and he literally walks across a rooftop (barefoot) in The Sign of the Four. Sherlock is strange. He has to be unusual, different, ‘quirky’. Serious, at times, yes, but ordinary, no.
Mentioning John Watson, I have to ask, where was he? I don’t know if his absence was explained, but I don’t remember him being in it, at all? Sherlock Holmes and John Watson come together, you don’t get one or the other. Watson is an essential part to Sherlock’s story, you can’t leave him out of any adaptation, otherwise you can’t call it a Sherlock Holmes adaptation. Apparently there is a reference of some kind to him, but it’s very discreet and hardly noticeable.
The next character that disappointed me was Mycroft. Before I say this, I am not trying to bodyshame in any way. But, Mycroft is supposed to be overweight. As in, it’s important for him to be overweight because he is supposed to look different to Sherlock, which Watson notices when they first meet. Mycroft is just as smart as his brother, but he doesn’t like to ‘do the legwork’ on his cases, which is why he’s overweight (I understand that this doesn’t exactly make sense). This obviously isn’t that terrible, but the fact that Mycroft was mainly used as Enola’s annoyed carer who yelled at her and treated her badly was. He was not smart in it, he was just mean. (For reference, Mycroft Holmes is first introduced in The Greek Interpreter.)
Eudoria Holmes was the mother in the movie. In the ACD canon, Sherlock’s mother is never mentioned, so there isn’t really anything to base her character off. However, personally I would expect her to be a somewhat serious woman, since both of her children are so intelligent and one is very high up in the British Government, not at all like the one in Enola Holmes. Eudoria Holmes was closer to what Sherlock should have been. If the movie Sherlock and Mycroft were raised by her, I’d suppose they’d have been very different. I do love Helena Bonham Carter, but I wouldn’t image her as Sherlock’s mother.
I’m not going to say anything else, since there are other things that I didn’t like about the movie, but I think they’re more based on my preference of movies. Again, if you liked the movie, that’s fine, we all have different tastes, I’m not trying to convince you to hate it. I think the costumes were pretty good in it, I wouldn’t watch it again though.
#please dont hate me#sherlock#bbcsherlock#sherlockholmes#arthurconandoyle#enola holmes#mycroft holmes
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boyfriend jumin headcanons
theres no way hes been in a relationship before, never even kissed someone before. you best believe hes going to go all in hes so starved for love
he needs to hear every single thing about your life, even the littlest things. he will remember it all, and asks so many questions too. could listen to you talk for hours and never get bored. your life is so different from his, he finds it fascinating. always wants to know more.
at the beginning of the relationship he has an extremely hard time controlling himself and finding whats right and wrong in a romantic relationship. you have to be very open with your boundaries or he’ll treat you like a doll, he cant help himself hes just so enamored.
does SO much research on relationships, he doesnt like the advice he finds but hes looking in all the wrong places. seven gives him links for real advice from real people reddit instead of mens magazines because those all suck. jumin starts to ask him for help whenever hes curious about something and seven will find a link for him to read. it helps bridge their relationship a bit more. seven is one of those friends thats amazing at relationship advice but for some reason desperately single.
even though he’s new to relationships and still trying to figure it out, that does not mean hes bad at it. no sir. this man was raised on romantic novels and cheesy soap operas. he knows his way into your heart easy peasy
the most beautiful arrangements of flowers delivered to your doorstep, your favorite foods from the most gourmet restaurants in seoul sent right to your work, hand written love letters sealed in wax sent to you while he’s away on business. declares his undying love for you over the phone almost daily.
hes never been around women much before, rikas the exception but he wasnt around around her like you would be with a lover. so hes interested finding out about your habits, routines, likes. the way you cook breakfast in the morning, the way you do your bedtime routine, your afterwork routine. always finding something new to love about you every new day.
he really adores anything and everything you think is a flaw. he prefers you with your quirks rather than aiming for perfection. theres nothing wrong with being “plastic” but the majority of those types of women he’s been around are the rich snobby type more than every day women. he prefers you. again hes never been close to many women so its kind of amazing but sad the things you can find to think harshly about. things he absolutely would never imagine someone being insecure about in the first place. he loves this body, it makes him upset when youre so critical to it.
he’ll explain to you what goes on behind the scenes of corporations and how exactly they make you insecure about those odd little things just to profit off of it, theres nothing wrong with you to begin with but if you believed that then they would be out of business, you see. knowing that aspect of things is why hes understanding but still saddened by your insecurities.
hes a very possessive man and is unashamed about it. hes never had anything as important as you to protect before so he doesnt care how ridiculous he may be sometimes, as long as youre safe. body guards, frequent calls, locations on, always wanting to be with you if he can. if that all bothers you i feel like that would be a bit of a disagreement area. his personality is naturally possessive and he does it out of love so bear with him please. he would definitely tone down as time progressed but for now he doesn’t want to let you out of his sight. trusts you, not other people.
he likes to observe you a lot, your day to day. it’s interesting to him even though it can be a little annoying to you sometimes. asks questions constantly. hes so curious. jumin let me go to the bathroom in peace hes literally a child
it makes him so happy when you laugh at his jokes. everyone else thinks they’re not funny but he doesnt care, as long as you laugh hes happy.
if you wear make-up it’s literally amazing for him to watch. he’ll stand in the bathroom and just observe. you can GLUE eyelashes to your FACE?! and its common?! this is so shocking to him. he had no clue. its kind of embarrassing for you but hes just so interested. never watched someone put on makeup before. the process is so intricate and careful, hes so fascinated by this strange magic. youre so smart too, he doesnt know any of the names of the things you use but always asks so he can remember for gift giving purposes. shades you like, shades you dont like, companies you dont buy from, your favorite brands. somehow has a giant mental notepad and writes all this down for safe keeping
speaking of smart he thinks you are the smartest person on the face of this earth. hes so confused at certain aspects of life and you help him get it. why do people eat fried chicken when its not nutritionally dense or even healthy to consume? it doesn’t make sense. because its yummy, jumin. wow, youre so right...
always texts you little reminders throughout the day to show his love. dont forget to eat breakfast dear. dont forget to wear sunscreen before you go out love, its hot today. dont forget that i love you so much my darling ♥︎ SO CUTE hes so caring
this man is so so touch starved, he always wants to hold you or touch you in someway. if he could bring you everywhere with him he would. he starts to get anxious if he goes too long without your comfort, truly doesn’t know how he made it for so long without it
not the biggest fan of pda but it depends on the situation. he likes making others jealous but he doesn’t want anyone else to see the way you look after he kisses you in that one special way that only he can. thats for his eyes only
loves showering you in anything you desire. you are spoiled. he’d buy you a whole ass island if you wanted one. he never understood how his father could just give away so much to a woman but now he cannot say a THING. he’d go completely broke as long as it made you happy
if you dont like tons of store bought gifts he’ll spend more time on meaningful ones. picking you flowers from the rooftop garden and arranging them himself, he embroiders as a pastime so he’ll make you cute little cat decals and stuff like that
he likes to do things for you like paint your nails, wash your hair, put lotion on you after a bath etc. loves it so much, if youre not comfortable with him babying you its totally fine but if you are he’ll do it whenever you let him
he has very cold hands. never really thought about them until he met you, really hopes you dont mind. tries to warm his hands up where he can before he touches you, but secretly loves when he runs his cold fingertips down your skin and you get gooseflesh all over. thinks its cute.
gets insecure sometimes. not really about his looks, but his personality. luciel is funny, zen is handsome and suave. yoosung is sweet and open with his emotions. he wonders frequently why you chose him out of anyone else.
all in all jumin is someone you need to get used to being in a relationship with, hes not the average joe and has a lot going on with himself that he needs to work through. but if you help him, love him for him, he’ll be the sweetest lover you could ever ask for.
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A Sebaciel Fan fic I wrote in 2017
Now, i never truly thought love was real nor have I ever thought I of all people would fall in love. The world is crazy that way, and let me say this. Love absolutely Sucks. I fell in love with Ciel Phantomhive all the way in 1895, 122 years ago And 119 years ago he was viciously ripped away from me. A sickness that took his lungs then took him. Now yes he knew I was a demon and yes we knew What we were, two men having a relationship in 1895. It was simply unheard of. But my baby didn't care. He would show me affection any time he could. That was the ciel I would always remember, the Ciel no one but me got to see. He was truly something else. Now you see even in his last moments he showed he loved me. And love hurts. I held him as he died, as he took a painful gasp of air and then become relaxed. And that was the last of him.
Now here we are year 2017, an odd time. I lived a normal life. As normal as you would get being a demon, going to Work and that fun stuff normal people did. But it got me out. It gave me more time to look for my beloved Mate.
I walked down my hallway with papers in my hand going over the words, not reading but skiming. Endless words of things I could care less about. I sighed and tossed the papers onto the Coffee table that sat in the middle of the sitting room. I walked to the window, it was a cold autumn day. Demons didn't need to eat or drink but I wanted something warm and sweet. I let out a sigh, coffee thats what i want, coffee. I grabbed my coat and keys walking out the front door letting it click behind me before locking the door. I came to like these cars. The year the first ford came out I thought ciel would have love this. He could drive and he would love it.
I got into my car and drove to a small coffee shop I knew. Mostly full of collage students or completely empty, today it wasn't too full but had a few collage students. Most cracked out on coffee and studying, I never knew why they went to collage just to go. It didn't do much for them. I waved to one of the Batista's I knew, or well talked to anytime I came in, she was in the middle of making a coffee so she said something to the other Barista's probably something along the lines of 'Get your ass back to work'. I smiled slightly and walked to the counter
"Good evening. I'll just have a Hot Carmel Cielo.." I smiled at the younger probably new Batista. He put it in and with a friendly voice gave me my price. After swiping my card I moved over to the side letting others order their coffee. My maroon eyes went down to my phone, I've honestly become a bit obsessed with these apps. Facebook, Instagram, I remembered when phones were just big bricks. But I'm sure any middle aged man would, so I guess that doesn't make me special.
While browsing All through I hear a soft voice asking for one of the most sweetiest coffees you could possibly get at coffee shop. I looked up to see who Would order it, maybe a younger teen. That's when I felt the air from my lungs get swept out of them. Standing only inches away from me was him. Ciel. He looked exactly the same, Dismiss the clothes of course. His hair the same length, the dark gray ashy color, small locks curling around his perfectly round face. His eyes still that beautiful blue. Like an ocean before the storm, dark blue but still so bright in a way. His height was the same. He had to have been twenty or nineteen, I was frozen the world stopped turning. My baby was there. It was him I could feel it, that same feisty soul buzzing in his chest. only did I snap out of it when the annoyed teen poked me to hand me my coffee.
"A-ah. Yes forgive me. Thank you" I took it and quickly looked back the boy. it has come to my attention I have not thought on what I'd do if this day ever came. I cannot simply go up to him and say something about his past life. He'd think I was truly off my handle, but like hell id let him get away from me. I was a flirt but when it came to ciel I was a school boy talking to his crush. Stumbling over my words and just being a complete mess.
I sat in a chair and waited for him to get his drink to my luck he sat down in a booth putting his laptop onto the Table and plugging it into a wall. I am honestly not surprised one bit ciel was your typical Coffee boy. Sitting in a small shop with his computer, his computer that had many stickers on the back. That was my baby over there. I worked up the courage and walked over, I felt sick. So very sick and I haven't felt like this in years. Ciel's eyes looked up at Me, I nearly tripped. Words, what are words?
"forgive me for bothering you this evening." I started. "but you have caught my eye and I had to get your name"
that sounded very stupid and I can admit that to myself. But I was jumbled. Ciels lips tugged into a smile, a shy little smile. He laughed lightly and closed his laptop "Ciel.. and you are?" Hearing his voice again made me weak but I stayed strong and smiled. Im surprised his name was carried into this life. But it made me very happy it did. My Little heaven.
"I'm Sebastian, its a pleasure to meet you" I hummed.
"Sebastian huh? Hello Sebastian.. Want to take a seat?" he asked pushing the Laptop to the side. Hearing my name roll out of the perfect little smile. My old heart beat so fast. "id be much obliged.." I smiled and sat acrossed from ciel. now being closer I took a better look at ciels face, he was such a pale Boy. Plump lips big eyes. my boy.
"So.." he started I could tell her was a bit uncomfortable not knowing how to start a conversation with a stranger. So I started
"Are you going to collage around here?"
Ciel nodded taking a quick sip of his coffee.
"I am.. not for anything thing amazing but just to go."
"That's very interesting.. Im sure you'll find something you want to do. I graduated a few years ago"
I was already starting off with a lie. How amazing. But it gained a smile from ciel.
"Really? Amazing.."
"I guess so, so ciel. Are you from around here?" just talking to him made me feel so much better.
"kinda? I live about an hour away" he said. "its a drive but I don't mind it." He said with a hum.
I smiled "Well ciel. If it is okay with you.. I would to take you on a proper date and get to know you more.." I cannot force love so if rejected me now, oh. I don't have a plan B.
"really? Okay, you seem like a nice guy." He said in a sly voice. I smiled shocked he actually said yes hopefully giving me the benefit of the doubt. I watched as he pulled out some paper ripping it and putting his number down on it writing his full name down. To my surprise it didn't change. Still Ciel Phantomhive. "Here" he chimmed, I took the paper from his hand "Thank you." I smiled. We said our fair wells and I went home. Once I closed the door I collapsed back into it holding the small paper tight in my hand. It was him it was really him. my Little Heaven. My baby. I took a shaky breath running my fingers through my hair closing my eyes for a moment once I gathered my thoughts I looked up at the small black tabby cat that sat on the back of the chair giving me a more than a annoyed look.
"Well, looks like I have a date"
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Well just finished Walker and I have to say I really enjoyed it.
The case of the week was OK but of course that wasn't supposed to be the focus.
The bad guy being called Cheryl made me laugh. It's a sign I tell you!!!! XD
Anyway the real focus was meeting all the characters and seeing them with Walker and his relationships with them.
What we saw of the new characters I liked. I was actual surprised with how much the daughter didn't annoy me. Guess it helps when the girl can act and you understand why she is acting how she is.
The scenes with his brother where good. Like the mum actress and I loved the dad actor on SPN. So glad to see him and Jared working together again.
I'm looking forward to seeing more of them and how they interact with Cordell.
The opening scene was so adorable and I get why people aren't happy with Gen playing the wife but I loved their scene together.
Then of course we knew she was going to die but was not expecting to actual see her get killed.
They way the scene was shot and Cordell trying to call her. Didn't think they would show her dying like that. Just thought we would hear the shots and thats was it.
I did actual kinda have it in my head they would do a twist where she wasn't actual dead but nope not the case. Which I think I like better cause that has been done enough.
Jared's chemistry with his new co stars was fantastic but he even made dickhead characters on Spn watchable. So expected nothing less from him.
Only bad thing I will say. While I like his partner (everyone on the cast is so good looking.) And the actress. Some of her lines made me remember this is a CW show and it has a female show runner. -____-
She wasn't full on SJW man hater but still I hope they tone down that crap because I did enjoy their scenes together.
Also like her boyfriend. Again so many good looking actors here!!!
All the praise Emily got for being Superwoman was abit much too. Yes I get it when people die everyone is going on about how amazing they are.
But it kinda comes across has women can do it men can't.
And again when you have to put men down to big up the women characters. Then you are a bad writer.
So thats the only issue but I knew there was going to be some of that. But hope thats all there is.
Now for the main part of this.
Jared.
Wow he did an amazing job here.
Me and @missjackil where talking about Walker early and she mentioned how she could see abit of Sam in Jared's acting.
And honestly I didn't see that. Even when looking at gift sets of Walker I could see this wasn't Sam and was a different character.
Which I was surprised because been watching spn for 15 years and thought it would take me awhile to see him as anyone other then Sam. But nope Jared blew ot out of the park.
And Sammy will always be my baby.
But I have to say I love Cordell!! He is such a smart ass, take no crap kinda guy. And you can see he loves his family but losing his wife in such a way is making it hard for him to not focus on the work.
Anyway really enjoyed it so far, I hope the few issues I have found with the show fade out.
Definitely wanna see more and will be watching next week.
So proud of Jared!!!!
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My New Boss Part 7
Author note: So, first of all, I wanted to say I'm doing this because I want to learn my spelling, because English is not my mother language and because I enjoy it. If you find any spelling mistakes and grammatical errors. Please kindly inform me about them, I would be happy. Thank you and now have fun reading! :)
Inspired by: the series: what's wrong with secretary Kim (I haven't taken over everything, just a little. The rest consists of my ideas.)
GIF: My own
Who is the real bad guy?
He looks at Alex and grabs his throat.
"Touch her again and I'll break yer fuckin fingers"
He squeezes his throat and Alex immediately raises his hands
"Boss! boss! stop! I did not do anything! When you were Holding her, her top slipped so I wanted to close her jacket, Ethan let go of Alex's throat and says
"Sairy. I got it wrong."
Alex walks past him and slams his shoulder against Ethan's shoulder
"You are crazy"
He says when he goes out.
It can't be that I misunderstood that. I could swear I saw him pull her top down. But maybe it's also because I'm drunk too. I went to her and closed her jacket without looking at her chest. I closed a button and went to her feet, which I freed from her shoes. I took the blanket and put it on her. I took the pillow and slowly lifted her head. I touch her forehead to make sure that she is fine then I check the pulse on her neck and my eyes wandered to her lips. I looked at her lips and her face until I heard the sound of my heartbeat in my ears. I looked away and held my chest. I wondered why I was getting so warm so I took off my suit jacket and my shoes. I opened a few buttons from my shirt and then lay down on the couch. With the thought of what an exhausting evening it was, I fell asleep soundly.
Kim's POV:
I got up and wondered where I am when I suddenly saw Ethan putting a tray of food on the table for me. "Boss? What are you doing here?"
I say asleep. He kneels and looked so handsome. His hair was still wet and he was wearing a black shirt that was tight around his arms with gray sweatpants.
He puts a hand on my knee and says smiling at me
“Ya got drunk yesterday, Mrs. Legacy. I wanted to drive ya home but ya fell asleep in tha middle of tha drive and since I dinnae know how ya will be tha next day I let ya sleep on tha couch in ma office. I dinnae want to go to sleep with tha thought tha yer might feel bad or what might happen to ya on tha way home"
I rub my eyes and say
"Thank you, I think that's cute of you."
Suddenly my head hurts and I moan in pain.
“Eat and drink something. If tha pain doesn't go away, I'll give ya some pain killers"
Why is he like that to me? I can remember exactly what I said to him that evening. He watches what he says to me, how he treats me. He cares about me and thinks about me. Why can't he just tell me that he loves me? Or does he not. Because in the evening it didn't look like he had any feelings for me.
He was standing in front of me and I blushed when I looked at his gray sweatpants. He knows exactly that women get weak. And he knows exactly that it is early in the morning and that his friend is awake down there.
He took the plate and cup and put them away. I got up and first straighten my top which had slipped under.
In the middle of work, Alex comes towards me.
"Hey, Kim! Great evening yesterday. I don't want to get too close to you, but are you and Ethan together? ”My eyes went wide and I immediately yelled back
"WHAT! No!? How do you come up with something like that now!!!"
He looks at me in amazement and scratches the back of his head.
"Oh well. Ethan grabbed my throat tight yesterday and strangled me because he thought when I wanted to cover you up that I pulled your top-down for you. "
My hands lost touch and my pen fell on the table
"Strangled? The boss strangled you? "
I say back in astonishment.
"Yes. Groundless"
I thought I was dreaming
“No, we are not together. I don't even know how you come up with it. It's unbelievable ”I say and Alex walked then away when he noticed how amazed I was.
"Is that how you treat your employees ?!"
I scream in the room.
Ethan looks up at me from his desk and says
"Pardon?"
I walk closer to his desk and slap my hand hard on it.
"I asked is that how you treat your employees like that? Just to strangle her for no reason"
He looks over at me and slowly squeezes his fist
"I dinnae strangle him for no reason and that's between me and Alex. Tha is none of ya business"
When I heard the sound of his voice, I got angry and turned around.
Immediately a hand grabs my arm and turns me around
"Mrs. Legacy. I'm sorry!. I didn't mean to answer so disrespectfully. Somethin happened between me and Alex and I can't tell ya. I hope ya understand"
I go up to him and slap him in the face
"What? That you pulled my top down to do things to me that I shouldn't know about it."
He looks at me immediately and takes a step closer
"Excuse me? Is that what he told ya. Tha... I.."
I look at him and say
"I don't even want to know what you wanted to do to me. Fortunately, Alex came in otherwise something would have happened."
He takes a step back and says
"I could never do that to ya. Why do ya say such a bad thing? Have I ever bothered ya or harassed ya? Why do ya say something such hurtful"
I saw from his body language that he really wouldn't do anything to me. The two of us were alone so often he could have done something to me. But he didn't. That's why I noticed that it hurt him and he was telling the truth but I still wanted to continue with it.
I reply
"and why not? Yesterday in the toilet I saw how much you like me"
He looks up at me and says
“Ya dinnae understand. I was drunk and so were ya"
I laugh and say
"Yes, it was clear. You blame it on alcohol"
I walked out and just thought to myself
"Typical men"
I don't know why I was blind. My head was pissed off but my heart was pure. My feelings got stronger and stronger the more I was next to him.
I liked that he didn't kiss me because I was drunk. That showed what his real face was. But something in me wanted to annoy him more so that he would finally show me what he feels for me because I'm head to toe in love with my own boss.
Ethan POV:
I went to Alex and closed the door
"We both know what ya did yesterday. what a fucking greasy scumbag animal are ya that ya go to Kim and ya say tha I pulled her top down."
I grabbed his collar and say
"This is ma very last warning. Ya are only here because ya work. I would have thrown ya out long ago. Touch her again or stay closer to her and I swear to god tha I will tear ya to fucking pieces and leave ya bleeding on tha fucking floor. If ya go to her after this conversation ya. Ya can assure yourself that I will fucking visit ya today. I'm tha boss here. Ya is tha last person anyone would believe and dinnae forget. We have cameras here. I have proof. "
I let go of him and he says
"Understood. I need my job. I have to feed my family. You need me. Please"
I close the button on my suit jacket and say
"Then don't screw up yer future and come to yourself. Or I have to destroy yer life. Don't makes me do it. Cause I don't fucking play."
I slowly leave the room and kept my pissed look in his eyes. I think I scared him enough. I came out and smiled at myself.
When I was in my office I got an email that made me smile even more
Kims POV:
When I walked back to his office because he called me he said
"I have stressful news"
I say
"Oh god. What is it?"
He comes closer and says
"We have to fill out and sign papers continuously for 3 days."
I take a deep breath and he says
"Thats why. That's why ye have to spend tha next 3 days with me"
I held my breath
"WHAT!? No. No thanks. You are not serious, are you? "
He looks at me seriously and says
“Do I look like I'm fucking joking? Ye dinnae damn sleep next to me! Ya sleep in tha gesture room, which is far from mine. "
I cross my arms and say
"How many girls were there already"
He coughs and says
"Excuse me!? Did ya just say that I take women home with me?This is the first time and definitely the last time that I will let my secretary sleep with me."
"You don't look like you aren't taking a woman with you."
I say and look up at him from below which made him nervous.
He pulled on his tie and loosened it.
"I'm not going to talk to ya about ma private life. Not about who I take with me and why"
I go closer to him and stand right in front of his face
"Why not? Did you suggest it would take me away from you?"
He destroys his tie again and takes his cell phone. He shows me the email and I take it and read it over.
"There. ya have yer confirmation tha ya will be tha first. And besides, I don't know wha ya think we're going to do besides work"
I put his cell phone on his desk and grab his tie to straighten it.
He takes a step back and I take a step closer. Then I push him to the window and he looks at me
"Mr. Jackson. I also talk about work"
I say and adjust his jacket.
He smiles at me and let his dimples peek out.
"Don't start something tha ya can't finish Mrs. Legacy"
he says, putting his hands in his pocket while he's still leaning on the glass.
I run my hand through my hair and say
"Oh believe me. I'm finishing what I'm starting. I don't know if you will do the same."
I swing my hips as I walked to the door
"I always finish when I start somethin. See ya later. Ms. Legacy"
he says to me and winks at the end.
I closed the door and my heart held a rock concert again. It never got used to the hot, sexy, attractive man in this dangerous office.
I was proud of myself that I took a step to show him that I want him and it looks like he wants me too.
#tommy flanagan#oneshot#fanfiction#writing#fanfic#first story#smut#fluff#love story#boss#wu assasin#westworld#westworld hbo
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my thoughts on every black mirror episode*
*these are just the things i wrote down after watching each episode so i'm sorry if they're a little harsh oops :) feel free to discuss!
the national anthem - so fucking weird, honestly the worst choice they could have made for a pilot episode lmao. i'm just glad i kept watching because they got so much better than this ew
fifteen million merits - this one wasn’t good either. i hated the entire concept of it, one of my least favorites
the entire history of you - hot damn this season was horrible. i'm literally so surprised that i kept watching because it was horrible. plus i hadn’t been desensitized to tv violence yet so the whole razor thing bothered me a lot, and i hated the main dude
be right back - this one was fucking devastating oh my fucking god. yeah this one was horrible (i don’t mean in quality) but it was fascinating to watch; just slightly disturbing.
white bear - biiiiitch oh my fucking god this one is a goddamn cinematic masterpiece. my friend telling me about this episode is what made me start watching the show to begin with. this is literally amazing and the plot twist holy fucking shit i'll never get over it jesus fucking christ
the waldo moment - oh this one was just fucking awful. awful plot, horribly boring, and the waldo puppet thing was so fucking annoying, my least favorite
white christmas - this one was fantastic. it was literally the most horrifying thing ever, and the artificial conscience thing fucked me up. the amount of different technological plot elements that combined in this was insane, and it was so fucking cool. one of the most disturbing ones i've watched, but one of my favorites
nosedive - this one was weird and kinda sad. the wedding scene was physically painful for me and i honestly just really didn’t like this one
playtest - oh my god this one was so fucking messed up on literally so many different levels. the ending thing where it was like fifteen different things happening inside his head was crazy, and it fucked me up
shut up and dance - holy fuck the most disturbing one i've seen yet by far this one fucked me up so bad and the worst part was it wasn’t even faintly unrealistic. like it literally could happen. i hated this one but it was pretty damn good, it just scared me so bad
san junipero - this one was fucking beautiful and there was absolutely nothing wrong with it i loved it so much. it was constantly so aesthetically pleasing and gorgeous and it was so happy and beautiful. it took me a little while to figure out what was going on, as with most of them, but once i got it it was fantastic. plus the girls were amazing. i literally have nothing bad to say about this it was beautiful. it's my absolute favorite and i've watched it multiple times now
men against fire - this one was weird. i didn’t like it that much, but it was okay, i guess. the whole MASS thing was weird, and i didn’t understand the concept of the roaches or why they were so bad, because they weren’t actually mutated or anything, it was just the MASS. yeah just weird
hated in the nation - oh my god this one was amazing. honestly literally just 10/10 no comments. the crucial aspect of the bees i didn’t realize was crucial, i thought it was just worldbuilding, and then they came in and it was amazing. compelling plot, fascinating storyline, lovely characters, i loved it. i can't rewatch most of them but this one was just as good the second time around
uss callister - god that one was so fucking scary. not because of the plot or anything, just that dick daly who was introduced as the protagonist and then revealed to be a massive fucking creepy ass psychopath. took me a hot minute to understand what was going on as usual, but once i got it, i was very invested in that weird ass plot. even better the second time
arkangel - that was very good but the feeling it gave me was awful. i felt so bad for the girl sara and i hated the creepy mom. i had no clue how it’d turn out and it was very sad.
crocodile - motherFUCKER i did NOT like that. that poor baby he was so cute. the uh, homicide count in that one was a little higher than usual, but thank god for that cute lil guinea pig, i knew he was gonna be important. motherFUCKer.
hang the dj - that was the most heterosexual goddamn bullshit i have ever seen, and the one (1) girl (i think) that they stuck in there for amy just made it more heterosexual oh my fucking god. the twist ending was super cool tho, and i liked the whole 998/1000 thing
metalhead - what the hell was that? no explanation, no backstory, and they died for a box of fucking teddy bears. that was the most hopeless thing i have ever seen oh my fuck. honestly not bad though.
black museum - now that was very interesting. i love letitia wright she's so good. tbh i don’t know what i was expecting the black museum to be but that was not it. that was very interesting indeed.
striking vipers - that was GAY. took me a second to understand the ending but i actually like the way it turned out. very interesting
smithereens - that was very good and i fucking LOVE andrew scott. yeah that was really good i genuinely had no idea where that was going
rachel, jack and ashley too - that was fucking fantastic. if jack got down on her knees and proposed to me i would say absofuckinglutely im gay for her goddamn. also the end with ashley fuckn o in the club with jack that was amazing. one of my favorites for sure. im glad they chose that for possibly the last black mirror episode jesus. also miley cyrus is an icon and it was just as good rewatching it thats all
#black mirror#long post#the national anthem#fifteen million merits#the entire history of you#be right back#white bear#the waldo moment#nosedive#white christmas#playtest#shut up and dance#san junipero#men against fire#hated in the nation#uss callister#arkangel#crocodile#hang the dj#metalhead#black museum#smithereens#striking vipers#rachel jack and ashley too#syd.txt
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An old thing 4
First
Continued from here
Possibly the angstiest part of this. Not much whump really.
I´m gonna go ahead and tag @the-host-and-colton for this one. It´s not the BBU but I suppose the Boxies with babies dynamic is there. “Baby doesn´t understand the situation but the parents do” kinda thing. Excuse the ping!
CW// Dehumanization, slavery, human trafficking, forced breeding, mentions of past dub con and non con, blood, implied and mention of past whump of minors, hazing, noncon child separation, creepy and explosive whumpers, physical and emotional abuse.
Everything will be tagged and if there´s tags to be added, tell me please.
After five years, Kit was a rowdy little boy. Running around with a smile on his face at all times. You wouldn’t think he was a slave if it wasnt for the thin black collar on his neck.
In how obedient he turned with his masters. Even though he didn’t understand the concept yet.
“Master? Why are Roahn and Shy here?” Kit asked Danae once. Layo and Danae weren’t mom and dad. They were master. But for his little mind it was just the same thing.
“To serve you and us, Kit. You will understand it better when you grow up”
“Alright” Kit said watching Roahn taking care of the garden with her big bump “Master? Will I be able to play with Roahn’s baby?” Kit asked again.
“No more questions Kit” She said annoyed. The kid was quiet but he still looked at Roahn with curiosity.
-
“Roahn?” Kit asked the woman being hugged by Dimitri in their floor mat. She woke up as it was the middle of the night, and when she saw him, he shook Dimitri awake. They sat in the other side of the cell.
“Hey there Kit” Dimitri smiled at the toddler.
“Hi Shy” Kit said.
“What is it Kit? Are you hurt?” Roahn said stretching her arm for the kid to hold her hand through the bars. The kid took it.
“I am cold upstairs. So I thought you were very cold here too. Its always chilly down here” the kid grabbed the blanket he had carried all the way down and gave it to Dimitri. “I dont want the baby to be cold”.
They looked at each other with a pained and proud expression.
“Do you…wanna see how she moves?” Roahn asked the toddler who instantly put a smile on his face.
Roahn went close to the cell and told the kid to get closer. Kit did. She grabbed his tiny hand and put it on her abdomen. Curiously she moved. As if the little one inside her knew.
“She’s rowdy!” Kit said. The word coming from how Layo would call him sometimes. Kit was an smart boy.
“Yes she is!” Roahn laughed along.
“I cant wait to play with her!” Dimitri and Roahn went stiff “I mean, if I can…” Kit cleared up sensing their discomfort.
Roahn took his hand into hers and gave it a little kiss.
“Of course you can” she said looking at her son in the same hazel eyes she had. His worries escaped his face to be turned into smiling.
“What would you call her, Kit?” Dimitri asked him.
Kit reflexed for a bit, looking at the ceiling.
“Bunnie!” He said “oh! Or Sara! Or Emi!”
“Where did you take those names from?” Dimitri giggled. They were good names.
“Master is writing a new book. I am a character there too!” He said proudly.
“Oh? You are?” Dimitri said, resting his chin in one hand. Roahn thought it had been a long time since she saw him smile like that. Not since Olivia.
“Yes! I am a dog!” Dimitri stopped right there with a shocked face. He cracked a humorless laugh. He really hated Layo for doing that sick joke.
“Do you like dogs Kit?” He asked anyways.
“Yes!! Sadly master doesn’t like them…” Kit pouted.
“Hey Kit, what if I told you there’s a place where you could have a lot of dogs?” Dimitri asked him Roahn looking at him.
“Eh?! Really? Where’s that?” Kit asked getting closer.
“I can take us there but I need you to tell me something. I only will ask you to see one thing everyday ok?” He said getting closer to him. The camera and the microphone were not a problem. They had been tricked for years.
“Everyday?”
“Yes”
“What?”
“If you ever see big men with black suits tell me what day they come in alright? Or if master says something about an auction tell me. And then we will go to that place, Alright?” Dimitri said. Roahn wasn’t sure if the kid had gotten all, but Kit was smarter than they could see.
He already knew how to read.
“An auction? Like last time?”
Dimitri couldn’t help himself from looking down for a bit.
“Yes, Kit. Like last time. Would you do that for us?” She asked him calmly.
“Ok. I will tell you” Kit said. “Im going to sleep. Goodnight” Kit said going away.
“Wait!” Dimitri yelled, the kid turned back.
“Thanks for the blanket” Roahn said covering her and Shy.
“We love you Kit” Dimitri said. The kid didnt know how to take that and just blushed before running off.
Dimitri and her laid down again. After a moment, the woman’s arms squeezed him lightly.
“Are you sure?” Roahn asked him.
“We cant let this slip off again, Roahn” he said.
“You have changed” she told her “I remember you telling me you didnt have bad thoughts about your owners”
Dimitri embraced her stronger dipping his face into her neck.
“Ivan was all I had. And he was taken from me. He was killed by a bunch of brainless fuckers. I told myself I wouldn’t fixate on his dead. And tried to forget. But when that happened…” Roahn reached for his hand and squeezed “I knew I couldn’t ignore it anymore. I cant let this freaks fuck with us anymore. We have to go before the auction. Much more longer before that”
“Three months” Roahn said “after she’s born, three months and we will go”
“In that time I’ll have it all ready” Dimitri kissed her shoulder “I wont fail this time” he said as she smiled.
His face had a big scar that went all the way from his cheekbone to his neck.
Layo had tried to cut his carotid when they tried to escape the first time. And he almost succeeded.
-
The baby was born a week later. Kit was amazed by the baby’s arrival. Apparently her name was Jen. Although Kit thought how Bunnie would have had suit her better he went on. For him Dimitri was the only way of knowing how she was doing. Kit was a curious child so he would ask him lots of questions. Dimitri had received some education but many of his questions beat him. At those times he would pat him and tell him the library had a book about that day’s question they could read together.
Sometimes, when they knew there was no one in the house but them, he let Kit sit on his leg.
By now Dimitri and Roahn had to wear clothes at all times except when their genitals were required. They weren’t that used to be so covered but definitely it was warmer. And less humiliating. But the mounting…those were nights were those rules didn’t matter.
“How is Jen and Roahn?” Kit asked him.
“They’re ok. Jen is a very healthy baby. You would love her” Dimitri said.
“I would have loved if she was named Bunnie though…” the kid pouted. Dimitri laughed.
“You know my name isn’t Shy?” He said the kid opening his eyes amused.
“Then what’s your name?”
“Dimitri” He said with a bitter sweet smile. It was the name his brother had gave him. He wanted to tell him to call him dad, but right now that was too risky.
“What a pretty name! Why are you called Shy by Master then?” Kit asked. Dimitri pursed his lips together and touched his scar.
“Its a nickname”
“Nick…?”
“A name only good friends call each other”
“But you don’t like Master at all…”
“Well, some nicknames are for people you don’t like” he giggled wryly.
“Hey, Sh—Dimitri, what does “slave” mean?” The kid asked him, getting his full attention.
“Master called me that the other day when I dropped a bit of juice. I dont know if its a good nickname…” Dimitri held him strong.
“You dont need to know that Kit” he said to him “You’re a good boy ok?”
Kit thought about the many times he had been called bad things and found comforting he said that. So he hugged back.
They stayed there like that for a while.
—
At night, report.
“They havent mentioned it yet then Kit?” Dimitri asked him from the other side of the cell. Kit shook his head, his curly black hair flopping.
“Thats perfect. And what is master doing on thursday?”
“They have their cocktail party and go early” kit said. Dimitri was making mental notes.
“When do they go on their trip?” Dimitri asked him looking up.
“On sunday”
Dimitri has made his plan. Five days were a bit short but the three months had passed and he had it all ready. The few money he could slip from change. A few clothes. Tools. Food. They were ready to go.
“Kit, in Sunday I need you to do something fun. Would you grab your binoculars and tell me when they go and bring me the keys in Master’s office?”
Kit physically did a step back.
“What is it?”
“Im…not allowed there…I cant…”
“It’s ok Kit. Dont worry. Can you play explorer and tell me when they go then?” The kid shook his head vigorously. “You’re such a good kid, Kit” he revolved his hair. And gave him a candy hidden in the downside of the mat.
“Ah! Thank you Dimitri! I love you!” Kit said while hugging him through the bars. Dimitri had to be really strong to hold the tears in.
“I love you too Kit” he said watching him go off.
He stared at the ceiling unable to sleep.
How much he wished Cal and Olivia were there too. But the pain of losing them wouldn’t happen ever again.
Even if he died at it. They would go and get freedom.
#an old thing#whump#writing#tw slavery#tw swearing#tw dehumanization#tw forced breeding#tw forced pregnancy#tw past dubcon#tw blood#whumping of a minor#hazing#noncon child separation tw#creepy whumper#physical abuse tw#emotional abuse tw#hurt comfort#angst#roahn#demetri#this is the fluffiest yet tho#collars#escape attempt
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Queer Mental Health: A June Discussion
It is Day 2 of PRIDE month. Major corporations have already changed their logos to the rainbow flag, the circuit gays are out on the beaches in their speedos, posting thirst traps on Instagram, the Ru Girls are teasing their wigs and stoning their body suits for the plethora of gigs they have coming up, PRIDE celebration planning is underway if the event has not already happened. It is the gayest time of the year.
I feel that, while we are drinking our vodka sprites with a splash of cran (and PBR ((yes, I am a gay who drinks cheap beer. Who gonna check me boo?))), we need to talk about queer mental health.
I feel that this is a topic we shyly talk about. After years of being viewed as outcasts and weirdos, I feel that we sometimes get scared to talk about the thoughts in our head. We’ve been told being ourselves was such a problem that the stigmatism behind mental health bogs us down. We don’t really talk about going to see therapists, or crying for reasons we don’t understand, or the on-going battle of what our bodies look like.
Every morning I wake up at 2am to go to work. I work until 12:30 p.m. Then, I come home and sit on my couch and just aimlessly watch Netflix until I have to repeat the process. I do that Friday-Tuesday. On Wednesdays and Thursdays, I just sit around my house and watch more tv.
I love my job. I’ve had amazing opportunities in my career and I’m thankful for the great people I’ve met, who’ve helped me. I’ve truly grown from those experiences.
I hate leaving work. It’s the most socialization that I get outside of my house. I sit and battle my anxiety and depression at home by myself. Because of my weird schedule, I don’t get to see people much. My friends try to come out but they work normal hours so they can’t really do anything on my days off. On Wednesdays, I go to the local gay bar and play bingo by myself. It’s quite sad but I made friends with the bartender, who has had to save me from a couple rough days.
---- PRO TIP: Never have your bartender drive you home. You then will live with a bunch of regret of making a pseudo-stranger see you in your worst----
Everyday, I wake up before dawn and get in the shower. My first thought when I wake up is “what will I fuck up today?” Then, I think about what I have to do for the day. Through that, I debate going to the gym after work and I usually let my inner saboteur win the argument. I always convince myself: what is the point? I never have the motivation to stick with it. It would just be a waste of time and all I want to do is lay on the couch.
At some point in the day, my anxiety kicks in. It is usually around the time I check my bank account. This is where my anxiety convinces me that I am a fuck up.
Then, I look up the number to my therapist because I feel like that might help. Well, my anxiety, who I’ve named Chad, tells me that it won’t help because it never does. I just feel like I want to escape my anxiety and that it will go away. Unfortunately, it never does. You can’t escape your brain and your feelings.
Then, I realize I’m spiraling. I think about texting my friends about my issues but I haven’t known them that long since I’ve known them for under a year. I can’t really talk to them about my issues because it’s also robbing them of their time. It’s not fair to constantly seek help when you are probably just dealing with the same repetitive shit. I get afraid that I’ll just scare them away because of the issues I’ve dealt with since I was 16. My anxiety drives me to feel like I’m just a thorn in everyone’s side. It’s bad to the point that I repetitively apologize to everyone for basically existing.
There are days where I just lay in bed and scroll through social media, wishing I was someone else because I let myself believe I can’t change to be the person I want to be. I look in the mirror and really hate the social decisions I’ve been making in the last year. I’ve been getting super anxious about the things I’ve said to people when I’m drunk. I get anxious about DMing people I’ve met because I think they’ll think I have feelings for them when in reality I just want to be sociable.
My depression comes in waves on top of this. I constantly think about how I’ve made awful financial decisions in my early 20s and now I’m paying for it in my late 20s. I’m living with family at the age of 27 and I didn’t plan on that for myself.
I see what people are doing on social media. I know people never post their worst but it makes me feel like I’m doing my absolute worst. It’s not fair of me to do that to myself but also I’d like to formally introduce everyone to Chad, my anxiety and Darryl, my depression.
I then think that my friends, the very few I have in Florida, think that I’m just too much and only deal with me because we end up in the same social situations. Want to know why? Because I’m everything that would annoy me as a person. I wish I wasn’t but I am. I know it is that whole conversation of working on yourself but this is happening to me right now. Not the end goal of working on yourself. Stop fucking telling people they need to work on themselves. Someone going through something probably knows that but this is happening in the now. Dismissing their shit and saying it’ll be better down the road is the fucking worst thing ever.
Then, I’m gay on top of all of this.
Being gay is great but unconventionally hard. People want to tokenize you. They want to put you in a box and say you should be this and not that. I have gotten, specifically from my fraternity brothers in college, “you are cool but just like tone it down dude.” The first time I heard that was in reference to me posting a picture kissing a boy’s cheek on Instagram. Some of my fraternity brothers didn’t think it would look good for the chapter’s image. But, they publicly cheat on their girlfriends and do whatever they want.
Oh, lets talk about how they’d ask me to wing man them with my girlfriends so they could get laid.
Or, my favorite, is when women say I should act a certain way. My close girlfriends are not like this. One of them says “yes queen” but that’s about it. She has never tokenized me and she’s let me be whatever version of myself I am that day.
But straight women love to say we should love shopping. If we’re femme presenting or there is an ounce of feminity in our presence, then we get asked if we like mani-pedis or assume we have style. Not all of us do. I don’t even identify with a feminine or masculine identity. I didn’t know I needed a label to be myself.
Then there are the boxes gay guys put other gays in.
First thing is first, if you are slightly overweight, not fit and not stylish... You can go fuck yourself.
Gay dating is like having a Ruth Chris budget but you can only afford the McDonald’s $3 McDouble Meal. Every gay man, thanks to porn and the American media’s take on what gay men look like, thinks they need to date the hottest guy in the room. The minute that they realize that guy will never go for them, well that is cataclysmic. You may call that once in a blue moon but I call that a Saturday night at a gay bar.
Then, there is the judgment in how you dress, who you hang out with, what you do and what you drink (I am the only person at my local gay bar that drinks PBR and the amount of comments about calories and bloating I’ve received is way too much).
It’s rough.
I know this was a long journey and most of you probably didn’t read all of this but I wrote this to get things off my mind. This is what I deal with every day of the year. I never know what my mood of the day will be when I wake up. Will I win my battle against my anxiety and depression or will I lose it and let it run everything? I feel no matter what we look like, what do we do or who we hang out with, this is something every queer person deals with. I think we need to have more of an open conversation about it amongst ourselves. I think there is some comfort there. We all present and hold face in different ways. If you ever saw me in person, you could tell how I am doing by how I present myself. I never really hide anything. It’s dumb. Just be yourself.
I know I wrote this for me but I hope it starts a conversation amongst the queer community. I hope it helps someone reach out to seek help or I hope you just related.
Anyways, thats it.
#pride#pride flag#mental breakdown#mental health#gay#queer#lgbtqia#queer mental health#please discuss#pride month#stonewall
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