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#the thing is. she apparently didn't have enough with just doing that. she slowly started to rot my other friends' brains too?
lisxdumbr · 26 days
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The whole "if a person is mad at you it's their responsibility to tell you" thing just made me realize how fucked my situation is. Like just. woah
#who wants to hesr the story of how I lost my irl friends recently (you will I'm spitting everything right now)#anyway so last year one day one of my friends decided to randomly backstab me and she started talking behind my back#and yeah this all made me mad because?? what the fuck#she started talking and revealing stuff that i had confide to her to other people and they slowly started drifting from me#BUt the thing here is that she was manipulating the story. she changed it every time she told stuff to people to make me look bad#i heard one of the things she said about me once and i was like ?? she even make me dislike me in her version which like woa#anyway I didn't understand why she did that because it was ? so random? and then she started ignoring me and has not talked to me ever since#the thing is. she apparently didn't have enough with just doing that. she slowly started to rot my other friends' brains too?#in the sense that. suddenly the rest of my group was ignoring me too. they never said anything to me. or stated that they had a problem#they just ignored me in my face? and yeah that. hurt#recently i found thanks to a third party that one of them decided to stop talking to me because apparently i had hurt her uncountable times#and she was just soo sick and tired of me doing that. which. honestly made me mad because she did not ever express that to me?? so#what was i supposed to do. if she never said anything.#anyway one of my friends confronted her about the treatment they were giving to me. the whole exclusion thing. and her answer was-#”well it's not my fault that she doesn't have more friends and doesn't talk to people”#and i was like. woah. what a poor reply. is that really it.. also apparently they all had agree to stop talking to me as a group-#-and they never informed me so. thank you?#and I'm still here asking what i did to that ex friend of mine. later on i found out she had hooked up with the guy i used to like btw#and she kept it secret. oh and then i started dating my current partner ! person she also felt attracted to. and that's my only explanation.#she started gossiping after what happened with the first guy. so that's really everything that comes to mind as a reason#ANYWAY now that i was at the hospital i didn't receive a single text from any of them. so i guess that was it. people who don't care-#-like that are not friends. those people are not my friends. people who ignore me on purpose and gossip like that are not. my friends#so yeah that's why I've been feeling down lately but ! here I am i ended up ranting so. much#rant#vent#?#woah i actually feel so much better after spitting it all#I'm also following that sour grape advice btw I'm not giving them the privilege of cutting me out. I'M the one who dislikes them now
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httpsghostie · 10 months
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Three's a Crowd
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bro I have no words for what I've just written it's pure filth I can't stop wont stop I need them internally
I'm not sorry for this
Summary: a situationship between your lieutenant and your colonel that leads to obscene measures.
Word Count: 2.5k
Warnings: smut, Simon 'Ghost' Riley x female!reader x König, unprotected piv and dp sex, kinda cuckold (?, light spanking, dacryphilia, praising/humiliating, lots of pet names, breeding kink, choking, no use of y/n
masterlist
NSFW under the cut
You didn't know exactly how, but you ended up in a situationship between the colonel and your lieutenant, none of them knowing about each other.
Ghost was never the jealous type, at least that's what he said. But some things changed when he heard your voice when he was passing in front of König's room.
"Scheiße, baby." He moaned. It wasn't so loud, but since Ghost had keen senses and was practically merging his ear with the door, it was loud enough for him to hear. He was startled, how could you do this?
For a brief moment, he felt insecure. Was he not enough for you? That's why you had to find someone else to give you pleasure? But you've always told him how it was good, how he fucked you just the way you liked it.
Lieutenant 'not the jealous type' Ghost.
Ironical.
But that feeling changed when he was pinning your face to the mattress, ass up, his cock abusing your hole. He held his phone up, filming how your ass jiggled when he thrusted hard inside you. Your arms were tied behind your back with his belt, and he held them before pulling out and jerking himself off, coming on your ass, cum dripping down your big lips.
And, well, that video was 'accidentally' sent to König's e-mail. 
She lets me cum inside.
Ghost could not fucking believe the answer he read on the phone. He expected König to back off, but apparently König had the same expectations.
He couldn't confront you, and the idea of sharing you with his superior was slowly driving him nuts. You noticed he started fucking you rougher, he'd shoot videos of you two having sex saying he needed those to remind him of you. Of course it was weird at first, but you could trust him, or so you thought.
On the other side, König was also a bit different, the man was once calm, always taking his time with you, but he started to enjoy being meaner. He'd either deny or overstimulate you until you cried on his girthy and long dick hitting your cervix. 
One day, while gagging on König's dick, you noticed him eyeing the locked phone on the bed, beside him. Without stopping, you reached for it and opened the camera, placing it on his large palm. He looks down at you, confused, and you give him a cock drunk smile. He didn't want to ask to film you, so this was pretty much convenient for him.
That was the first video he sent to Ghost in response to him fucking you senseless.
He was speechless. His cocky demeanor vanished as he tried to come up with a snarky response. Nothing could've prepared him to see you drooling on another cock. Unintentionally, the sight of you sucking another guy's dick made him hard. He had to excuse himself out of the meeting because he had a boner. It was funny, he felt like a teen.
But you noticed how both of them were different towards you and each other. They weren't used to talking before, and now it seemed like they'd punch each other's faces whenever they met in common rooms. König assigned difficult tasks towards Ghost and the thought of them knowing about your situationship terrified you once it crossed your mind.
You thought about confronting them, explaining the whole situation. They were both excellent in bed and they provided you with different feelings. König was soft and caring and Ghost was… well, Ghost. But you knew you could lose them two, even though you didn't have an established relationship with them.
One day, the task force is all drinking together, playing truth or dare. Gaz is dared to do something obscene, and he playfully moans like a girl.
Aye, sounds like the lad in König's room.
You choke, spitting the whiskey coke out, the soda gets out from your nose and your eyes get teary from the gas. They all get quiet when they look at you and you fake a laugh, of course Soap had to say that. 
They soon forgot about the awkwardness and went back to the game, but Ghost was eyeing you like a prey. You purposefully avoided them since you all joined for the party, and he and König sat on opposite sides from each other. You sat in between Price and Gaz, you all in a weird circle.
Meeting room. Now.
Your phone buzzed as you received a message from your Lieutenant. You read it from the notifications and looked up, but he was already gone in the darkness. You come up with an excuse and get out of the common area.
When you walked in, the phantom was standing right across the table, you could only see a glimpse of his eyes. The lights were off, but the room was lit when he started typing the digits of his phone password. He slowly stands up and walks towards you, your legs already trembling with fear. The phone is left on the table right in front of you, displaying a video of your fucked out face while sucking a dick very different from his.
"Simon, I can expl-" you try to say, but you're cut off as he grabs a fistful of your hair and buries your face on the cold wooden surface of the table.
"Y'know why I brought you here?" He asks, holding your wrists behind your back. "So everyone can see who you belong to." You feel him restraining your hands with one of his hands, and the spare one unfastened his belt and pulled his pants down just enough to expose his already hard dick.
At this moment, you thank yourself for wearing sweatpants, because they were easily pulled down from your body. He lifted his mask and spat on your pussy, then entered you with his full length, not giving you time to get used to his size.
He fucked you desperately, grabbing your hair again, making you look at the looping video on the screen of his phone.
"You're such a fucking little slut." He groaned. "You're so desperate you need two fat cocks?" You felt ashamed, your face burning, not knowing if it was from the whiskey or the embarrassment. The door made a locking sound and you jolted, but Ghost's grip didn't let you give a look. "Like what you see here, Colonel?" He asks in between breaths, you squirm and try to move but he holds you in place. Soon there was a figure across from you, sitting on the empty chair and manspreading.
"If you fucked her good enough she wouldn't come to me." He said in that thick German accent.
"You're really petty for a second option." Ghost holds your throat from behind, choking you and forcing you to look at König. You can see König's dick getting hard, it wasn't easy for him to mask that due to his size. He got up and slowly walked around the table to get to you. 
"How does he feel, schatz?" König grabs you by the chin, blue orbits finding its way into your soul. You couldn't even babble an answer, Ghost was fucking you brainless. Your eyes could only look back to König and your head could only nod. He lifts a bit of his hood and gives you a kiss, his lips containing the warmth you needed to melt.
"Kneel." Ghost demands you as he pulls out. You do as you're told, but in order to comfortably be on your knees, you pull your pants back up. They don't seem to care. König takes his belt off and folds it, running it from your chest to your chin, lifting your head.
"Be a good girl, ya?" He says as he pushes his pants down, his dick bouncing up as he releases from the boxers. Without even noticing, your mouth was already open and your tongue was laying flat. König brushed his pinkish, leaking tip on your lips and tongue, the familiar salty taste of his precum invading your senses. He pushes it in your mouth, fucking it slowly. Your hand travels to Ghost's dick and jerks him off as he watches. "Like what you see, Lieutenant?" König chuckles.
Ghost was going to give him a sarcastic response, but his head fell back when you started to suck him off, your hand now on König. As you expected, Ghost wasn't so gentle, so his hand grabbed your hair and pushed your throat down his length. You soon became a drooling mess, taking turns on each throbbing cock in front of you.
Your jaw became sore, taking just one of them was already hard enough. You felt a pressure against your pussy and looked down, König's boot was grinding against you. You groan, sinking your weight on his foot. The more you gagged around them, the more he'd move.
"Didn't I tell you were just a fucking whore?" Ghost pulled from your mouth and tapped his cock on your tear stained cheeks. "Getting off his foot, huh? So desperate." As if it was possible for you to get any wetter, you felt another wave of arousal moisten your panties.
He got you up and almost dragged you to the sofa in the corner of the room. König followed just behind. Ghost sat down and made you kneel in front of him, and König positioned himself behind you, large palms roaming your small body and gently pulling your pants down again. He aligned his shaft with your soaked pussy and in one long thrust he pushed it deep inside you.
"Just so… fucking tight." You hear him whimper as he bottoms out. Your eyes are locked with the masked man in front of you, that's slowly jerking himself off at the sight of you being filled by someone else. "Gonna have to tear this pretty pussy apart." You clench around him and he starts fucking you. 
Ghost gently pulls your face closer and lifts his mask, planting a sloppy kiss on your lips. You could only moan, in hope no one else could hear it. Your lips were now connected on Ghost's member, eagerly sucking him off. Your moans sent vibrations down his skin and he groaned whenever you gagged.
König's cock was buried deep down your walls, he felt an incessant need to slam his hips into yours and make you a moaning mess, so he held your hips in place as he thrusted hard into you. One of his hands travelled down to your clit and started rubbing circles, easily making you orgasm around him. He felt his climax getting closer, but he didn't want this moment to end just as quick. When his pace became erratic, he pulled out, slapping your ass.
He got up and sat down beside Ghost, who got up and pulled you to his arms, holding you firmly in the air. Your legs were pushed to your chest, the back of your knees held by his veiny forearms. He entered your used hole and started slow, but it didn't last long and he was soon bouncing you up and down his length.
König watched as you took Ghost entirely, thinking about how tight you'd feel with another cock inside you. He gets up and walks behind you, brushing his tip on you.
"Do you think she can handle?" König asks with genuine concern.
"She'll take it and thank you for it, isn't that right, bunny?" Your arms are wrapped around his shoulders, your face buried in his neck. You manage a small nod before feeling another monstrous cock entering your abused hole.
How that fit was a story for another day, but your pussy was happy to be filled by two men. The pain started to go away and you moved a bit to signal them to go. They managed to keep the same pace for a while. König let you lay back on his chest as Ghost held your legs, they pushed deep down into your core.
"Look at you, taking both of us." Ghost mumbles. "Such an obedient little pet." 
"Such a good girl, liebe." König moans in your ear.
They kept fucking you until you felt empty again. Emptier than ever. Your pants were taken away from your body and König pulled you on top of him as he sat down on the couch, already making you sit on his shaft. Ghost came behind you and you felt a humid finger entering your tight little hole. 
"Simon-" you moan.
"Shut up." He puts another finger in.
"Too much."
"You've taken it before and you're gonna take it again like the good slut you are, understood?" You slowed down on König and felt another finger inside of you, stretching your butthole. You couldn't help but whimper at the way he was using you. "Don't stop fucking her." König holds your hips and starts thrusting harder.
Ghost replaced his fingers with his aching dick and you've never felt so good, so filled. He waited a minute before moving, giving you a bit to adjust. But goddamn it you were tight.
As soon as the pain went away, he started to move, gradually going faster. König was a whimpering mess below you, moaning german praises in your ear. In little to no time, you found yourself being railed once again.
"Can't take much more." König whimpered, digging his nails on your hips. Ghost landed a sharp slap to your ass and towered over you to reach for your clit, he stimulated you as he buried his face in the crook of your neck, trying to memorize your scent.
Your legs trembled as you felt your high approaching faster and faster, and you fall on König's chest, trying to muffle your loud moans. 
"That's right, baby, be a good girl and come for us." König holds you close, reaching a new spot. That's what it took for you to squirt all over their dicks. Crying at the non stopping thrusts.
"Always have to leave a mess, huh?" You're still squirming as you hear Ghost say. "Fuck, you're so pretty when you cry."
König also feels his orgasm approaching and with a few more thrusts he can't hold it anymore.
"Gonna fill your cunt with my cum." He moans, holding your chin to look at him. He comes inside of you, but he doesn't seem to be stopping anytime soon. He keeps on slamming his dick inside your cervix and pushing his cum inside you, making the tears fall out of your eyes. He becomes a whimpering mess as he overstimulates his dick in your pussy.
Ghost also can't stop thinking about how good you feel, and how bad he needs to cum inside you. He slips a hand in front of your body and squeezes your breasts. It was enough to electrify his body and sent shivers down his spine. With just a few more erratic thrusts, he spills his seeds in your hole. He pulls out, kissing your back through his mask. König finally pulls out too, his dick red from the overstimulation. You collapse on his chest, losing consciousness.
"Truce?" He asks Ghost, who's getting dressed.
"Truce."
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daenysx · 25 days
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using the safeword with aemond targaryen pls !!!!! 🤍
going back to my aemond era because apparently ewan mitchell will not stop bewitching the fandom! if you have any requests for aemond you can send them my way!! ♡
modern!aemond targaryen x fem!reader, nsfw
aemond presses his hips against yours for countless times. he stays behind you with your knees on bed and one of his hands on your lower back as the other one holds your wrists. he moves again, hits a deeply sweet spot and you make a crying sound.
your face is buried to the pillow with tear stains on your cheeks because everything feels too good. aemond keeps moving, you feel on edge every second like your body is on fire. you are desperate when you push yourself back to him, your legs are close to give up.
"please." you say against the pillow. "aemond, please."
his body is covered with a delicious layer of sweat, his naked torso on display. you can see him if you turn your head enough. he presses on your back as he moves his cock against you, wet noises fill the air. aemond groans, tilts his head back to reveal his pretty neck. if only you could give him a kiss right now. you moan his name again but he doesn't hear.
"so good." he says. "so good, do you hear that?"
the praise sends a warmth to your stomach, your legs are shaking but he keeps you still. you can feel a teardrop falling on the fabric of the pillow. your brain goes numb, there's only him and his sounds, his scent and his praises. "yes- yes, such a good girl. push yourself against me one more time."
you try to do as he says, it doesn't feel like you succeed though. "aemond-"
"one more- give me one more."
"yes, you can." he says, breathless. "my good girl never disappoints me, does she? of course you can."
"i can't." you whine, a sound mixed with moaning.
you feel your breath getting stuck in your throat and suddenly your legs give up. you can sense a liquid dripping down your thighs but it doesn't feel like a relief. the words get caught on your mouth, you panic as you try to hold aemond's hand. "red- red."
everything stops. you don't even realize it's because of the word you say. you can't even look at aemond, a spark of embarrassment flashes on your cheeks, your heartbeat goes insane. he leans in slowly, still deep inside you. he's careful as he fixes your hair on one side to see your face.
"it's okay." he says, gently. "i'm gonna pull out now, okay?"
you manage to give him a nod and a whimper when he pulls himself back. it's the feeling of emptiness you hate the most, he's still hard and he carefully leaves the bed to wear his boxers.
you tear up again, can't help yourself. it's a rush of emotions, you don't know how to deal with them all. you feel desperate, just laying on bed naked and speechless.
aemond comes to your side, sitting on bed. he puts a slow hand on your cheek to dry your tears. he has an understanding look on his face, his hair messed up and skin sweaty from sex. you can see the outline of his cock from the thin fabric, he doesn't wear anything else.
"i'm-" you start, your voice sounds scratchy. "i'm sorry, i just-"
"don't finish that sentence." he says, his thumb rubbing your cheek. "you did the right thing."
you force yourself to turn on bed, facing him properly. you are naked too, and a bit cold but it's okay. "i didn't want to disappoint you." you say with a low voice.
"you could never disappoint me." he says, even softer this time. "i'm so proud of you."
"you are?"
"of course i am, sweetheart." he leans in to kiss your forehead. "you did the right thing. if one of us doesn't feel good there's no point of having sex."
"i was feeling good." you say, holding his hand like an anchor. "it was a bit much and- it didn't feel right."
"it's okay." he says. "it's totally okay."
you try to sit, aemond helps you. he pulls you to his lap to give you the cuddles you want, his long arms holding your body still. you press your nose against his neck, feeling calm as he rubs your back and squeezes your body in his arms. the pressure makes you feel safe, it's not like the one you felt moments ago when he was on top of you. this time you sit on his lap, you have the control. aemond kisses the side of your head, keeps repeating that everything's fine.
"let's clean you up." he says. "i'll fill the tub, is that okay?"
he is panicked too, you realize, afraid he hurt you. he manages to fix the situation for both of you, though, offering any comfort he can provide.
"yes, but-" you say, holding him and keeping him closer than he already is. "you'll get in with me, right?"
he kisses your forehead. "i will."
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ceesimz · 3 months
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Stand By Me
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Two weeks.
That's all it had been since you last saw each other.
Considering it was only the start of the relationship, it felt like a life time. Work had kept the two of you apart; Alexia seemed to have to travel constantly at the moment, and the busyness of your own job had picked up too. Even when you were in the same city as each other, there still wasn't enough time, and it felt like torture knowing you were just miles away from each other.
But that's what made your relationship so sweet. When the pair of you got together, it was like the rest of the world went away. If it was just the two of you, you saw a different side to Alexia and she saw a different side to you. You felt invincible when you were together. You could never take for granted the soft, tender, shy, and tooth-rottingly sweet persona of Alexia Putellas off the pitch, and you thought maybe, just maybe, she felt the same way about you.
Apparently not.
Here you now were, sat alone at the restaurant that you were supposed to be meeting her at, slowly harbouring a glass of wine as you watched the time tick away on the clock opposite you. Despite the chatter, laughter, music, and general background noise of the restaurant, bustling as it was on this Friday evening, you swore you could hear the hands move on the clock.
Tick. Tick. Tick.
Five minutes - fine! Not a problem.
Ten minutes - still alright.
Fifteen minutes - well... a text sent.
Twenty minutes - a bottle of wine ordered.
Thirty minutes? This was unfair. Not even a reply of warning. In fact, you hadn't gotten a single text all day.
Still, the clock, tick, tick, ticking away, mocking, teasing.
Where the hell was she?
"Perdónarme, señorita, if you are not going to order, we have a lot of people waiting for a table."
There we go. The last straw.
At the waiter's words, you stood abruptly from the table, gulped down the rest of your wine, before grabbing your coat and storming out. That was nothing short of utterly humiliating. You were in half a mind to take the bottle of wine with you and drown your sorrows on the walk home, but you'd already had enough embarrassment for one night. Walking out of a restaurant full of lovers on your own with nobody holding your hand, nobody carrying your coat for you, nobody guiding you out to a pre-booked taxi with their hand lingering on your lower back. You had yourself and yourself only, and being seen gaining comfort from a ridiculously expensive bottle of wine was not the impression you were trying to achieve.
Still, that didn't stop you from throwing your heels off in the corridor of your small Barcelona flat and heading straight to the fridge for one of the beers you kept in there. You could only fall asleep later that night after your best friend back in your home town in England called you up and criticised the woman you thought could do no wrong, having you belly laughing until you succumbed to your exhaustion, feeling significantly lighter.
Frustratingly, that was only a temporary thing. The first thing on your mind the following morning, was how badly you missed the feeling of a certain Catalonian's arms being wrapped around you. Again, it was just the start of the relationship (if that was even a thing anymore), so there had only been a few... sleepovers, but that didn't diminish the longing you had.
"Fuck sake." You grumbled, swinging your body to sit on the edge of the bed as you sighed heavily, head dropping back and eyes closing.
Waking up sad and alone in a foreign country, no matter how long you had lived there, never got any easier - especially when you had been so cruelly ghosted the previous night. The embarrassment lingered heavily in your chest, and you wanted to do nothing all day but sulk in your flat, then get drunk in one of Barcelona's many night clubs. Previously, you had rejected your friends' plans for tonight in the hopes of spending time with Alexia, but that had obviously flown out of the window after last night's events, or rather the lack of events.
So, you sent a text to the group chat containing your favourite friends you'd met so far in this beautiful city, informing them of your new decision, smiling when you instantly received an influx of messages conveying their joy. However, to your own annoyance, you found yourself pressing on Alexia's chat to see that she had left you on read.
Un-fucking-believable.
That night, you made sure to put on the little black dress you'd been keeping at the back of your wardrobe, hoping to one day wear it when you were going out with Alexia. But boy had she ruined that chance now.
When you got drunk whilst carrying a variety of angry emotions (especially when it came to relationships), you knew you had a habit of acting a little... petty, to say the least. That habit came in full force at 2am, when you decided to post a picture of yourself in your outfit, a smug and knowing grin on your face, hoping for Alexia to see it on your Instagram story.
Still drunk and awake at 6am, however now thankfully in the comfort of your own bed, you checked your Instagram story views, and there it was. Alexia had seen it. And... liked it? Was she serious right now? With a frustrated huff, you threw your phone down on the bed beside you and tossed onto your side angrily, refusing to let this get to you. Admittedly, that was a little hard to do in your drunk and emotional state.
You weren't entirely surprised to find your pillow coated with the after effects of tear-streaked mascara the next morning, but you were more worried about the pounding on your front door that caused your head to throb. Not quite jumping out of bed, it was more of a stumble really, you threw on your dressing gown and very quickly washed your face as to not scare off whoever was meer minutes away from bashing your door down.
"Fucking hell, it's early, who are-" You cut yourself off when you swung the door open, only to be met with the one person you were not expecting. "No."
Spiteful laughter bubbled out of you before you could control your reactions, and you slammed the door shut in her face.
...okay, maybe that was a little harsh, but in your hungover state, you didn't really have the sympathetic capacity to feel sorry about it.
"Please. I need to talk." Alexia pleads, a tired frown on her face as she held onto a bouquet of flowers.
"Why?" You leaned back against the door, bending over a little to rub stressfully at your face.
"I messed up, I know it. Please. I want to, to explain myself."
You would be lying if you said her English accent, sounding much sadder than you'd heard it before, didn't pull at your heart.
"I'm not in the mood right now, Alexia. It's early."
"It's two o'clock." Comes Alexia's confused voice.
Your eyes went wide as you looked at the digital clock on your coffee table, seeing it was indeed 2pm.
"Well... just not now, Ale!" You groan, rubbing your temple.
"Vale, vale." You just about hear her sigh exasperatedly on the other side of the door. "Soon, por favor. Tengo algo qué admitir." (I have something to admit.)
"What, that you're an arsehole?" You snort, before grimacing at yourself. "Sorry! Sorry, I'm sorry."
"No, it is okay." Alexia sounds a little humoured rather than offended. "I did not mean to... not show up to our date. There was a confusion with my schedule, and I did not mean to hurt you, guapa. I would really like to explain it. Please let me have a chance."
It falls silent between you both for a second as you consider your options. Your head was pounding, you were in a horrendous state appearance wise, and judging by your peculiar actions within the past few moments, you're pretty sure you're still a little drunk.
"How about we meet for coffee in an hour?" You suggest, because you really needed a shower and perhaps 1 or 2 or 10 glasses of water.
Sure, she'd already seen you in your current state, but you were not about to have an adult conversation with panda eyes and awful morning breath.
"Sí, I would like that." Alexia lets out a breath of relief. "At our bakery?"
You smile sadly at that - there was a bakery down the road from your apartment, a tiny but heavenly place with the best coffee and pastries that you had immediately claimed as your favourite breakfast spot within days of moving to Barcelona. When you introduced Alexia to it after your first night together, she had grown to love it just like you. From then on, most times you were together, you would go there.
"Yes, at our bakery." You confirm, closing your eyes as you picture her solemn face behind the door.
"Okay, I will be there. I... your flowers?" Alexia says, again with a hopeful lilt to to her voice.
You pause, before turning to open the door ever so slightly, half your face showing in the gap. This gave you the chance to take in Alexia's appearance, and it caused your defiance towards her to crack a bit. Her eyes were quite red, there seemed to be a frown permanently etched onto her face, and a pair of dull bags under her eyes seemed to drag her skin down. It was quite heartbreaking, to say the least. You're brave enough to think even you looked better than her right now in your current state of appearance.
"Gracias, Ale. Qué son hermosas." You take the bouquet from her, looking down at the abundance of stunningly colourful flowers organised perfectly.
"Tus favoritos." Alexia offers a semi-genuine smile as you meet eye to eye. You return the smile, seeing hers grow at the sight. "I swear I am so sorry for my actions, guapa."
"It was really humiliating on Friday, Ale." You admit. Alexia pinches the bridge of her nose as her frown somehow intensifies.
"Lo siento mucho, de verdad." Alexia mumbles, looking at the floor as she's too ashamed to look you in the eye. "It was not my, my... intentions?" She looks up at you briefly as you nod to confirm she's said the right word. "Sí, it was not my intentions to have you feel like that. I need to explain, please."
Alexia Putellas was not one to beg, you knew that.
"You can, later." You tell her. She nods and brushes her hair back with her hand.
"Gracias. Really, thank you."
"I'll see you soon."
"Vale. I will show up this time." She jokes light-heartedly, making you let out a huff of laughter and shake your head.
"If you don't, I'm never talking to you again." Her eyes widen at that and she nods nervously as you hold back a laugh.
"I will be there." She states firmly.
"Good." You offer a small smile. "Bye, Ale."
She nods once more and takes a few steps backwards, just gazing at you.
"Bye, amor." She murmurs, before turning around and walking away.
To your relief, Alexia stuck true to her word. An hour later, you saw her sat at one of the outdoor tables of the bakery, a hat and a hood allowing her to stay mostly incognito. But you knew her all too well and instantly recognise her despite her shoddy disguise. Her posture was slumped slightly, another sign that maybe mentally she wasn't doing that great.
"Hola." You greet her, making her raise her head immediately and look at you with a face of relief.
"You are here." She states simply, almost in disbelief.
"I could say the same about you." You hit back, wincing as the words leave your mouth.
"Mm." Alexia grimaces, trailing her eyes back down to where her hands rested on the table.
You take a seat across from her, noticing she'd already ordered your favourite pastry and hot drink for you.
"Thanks for these." You smile up at her.
"You want me to... get straight into it?" The English phrase sounds funny coming from her, it sitting unfamiliarly on her tongue.
"Please."
You watch as she shifts uncomfortably in her chair and sighs, folding her arms on the table and keeping her eyes cast down.
"Friday, I was with my family. Friday was... ten years of my Papí's death."
Well, shit.
"Oh my god." You freeze, eyes wide as you stare at her. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry, I-"
"You didn't know, amor, it is not your issue." Alexia reasurres you. You put your head in your hands and groan quietly.
"I could have been less petty and immature about it though. Fuck, I am so sorry, Alexia. I had no idea." You ramble, mentally kicking yourself and looking at her through your fingers. She responds silently with a soft smile as she gently pulls your hands from your face.
"No, I am sorry, guapa. I didn't talk to you, I left you... in the dark. Or, alone at a restaurant." She jokes, and you let out a breath of relief.
"A text would have been nice." You mumble after a few moments, eyes focused on your connected hands as Alexia brushes her thumbs over your knuckles.
"I know. That is another reason why I feel bad. I left you, and I didn't send you a text to tell you. Really, I am so sorry. It was just... a hard day." It's said in a quiet tone that's laced with emotion, and that paired with her appearance, you knew instantly she was telling you the absolute truth.
"I bet it was." You smile sadly at her.
"I know I should have been... should have told you the truth. But I am now. I did not mean to hurt you, no way. My head was... full. It did not stop running and running. I didn't look at my phone on Friday at all, I just noticed yesterday what I had done. When I knew, I was so angry with myself." Alexia explains. "Alba shouted at me too."
You giggle at that, and she chuckles along with you.
"I believe you. I'm not mad." You admit.
Alexia drops her head so that her chin is to her chest, her anxiety now almost entirely eased thanks to your understanding.
"Dios mío, muchas gracias. Lo aprecio más de lo qué crees, amor." She mumbles, shaking her head before looking back up at you with tears in her eyes. (I appreciate it more than you know.)
"Just please don't do it again. Let me in next time. If we want to have a relationship, we need to communicate better, we need to be clear and honest, okay?" You tell her.
"Sí, I know. I know. I will try." Alexia says affirmatively. "I am not perfect. But I will try. I want this, I do."
You stand up from your chair, and at first Alexia panics internally, but when you offer your arms out for a hug, she leaps up and embraces you tightly.
"Neither of us are perfect, pero tengo muchas ganas de qué funcione también." You whisper in her ear, rubbing your hands up and down her back. (But I want it to work too, so much.)
"Yo también, cariño." Alexia places a handful of light, apologetic kisses on your neck.
"I'm sorry for being rude and petty earlier. I think I was still drunk." You admit sheepishly, Alexia laughing into your skin.
"I think you were. That was not like you." You grimace and nod in agreement. She pulls her head away and clutches at the back of your neck, her eyes searching yours. "We are okay?"
"Sí, amor. Más qué bien." (More than okay.)
When your lips finally connect, all is forgiven.
It's three weeks before the next incident.
In that time, Alexia had done a lot of grovelling. You had reasurred her many times that, as long as it was a one off occasion and due to the event she had missed your date for, you weren't angry. Not only had she surprised you with weekly flowers, date nights, and a night away together, she'd also asked you to be her girlfriend. It was a no-brainer, of course you said yes. Both of you had never been happier.
However, as you lay on the sofa of your apartment, sick supplies and tissues surrounding you and a blanket borderline suffocating you despite your temperature, you could only focus on the pain you felt for your girlfriend as the whistle blew for the Champions League Final.
Barcelona 1 - 3 Lyon.
You felt tears brewing uncomfortably at the sight of the white-kitted team celebrating, but that was nothing compared to the sight of your girlfriend lay on the field, sobbing her heart out.
If you were heartbroken, you can't even begin to imagine her pain. This was her dream, every footballer's dream, and it had been brutally pulled away from her and her team at the very last stage. And it all felt worse because you couldn't be there for her. Instead, you were stuck on your sofa, your whole body hurting and your chest rattling with every breath, completely ruined by a nasty chest infection.
It wasn't meant to end like this for the Barça Femení team. You knew it.
But Alexia... she couldn't even begin to fathom what had occured.
The moment the whistle blew, she went into shock. When she awoke the next morning, she couldn't remember much. The whole evening was a blur. She vaguely remembers the utter disgust she felt when a silver medal was placed around her neck, the anger she felt giving the Lyon team a guard of honour, and the stab in the heart when golden confetti landed on her.
She remembers feeling her mother's arms wrapped around her along with the reasurring whispers of her sister, but she had no idea what was actually said. She doesn't remember picking up her phone once at all that evening. She doesn't remember the silent coach journey back to the hotel. She doesn't remember getting into bed, and she has no idea how she fell asleep. Most importantly, she doesn't remember just how ill her girlfriend was.
Fuck.
Her girlfriend, her sick girlfriend who was devastated to not be able to fly to Turin with Alexia and her family. Her sick girlfriend who was all alone back in Barcelona, feeling worse than she ever had in her life.
Alone.
Alexia was completely unaware of the fact that you had managed to get ahold of Alba to try and find out how your girlfriend was. And when Alba had cared for you more in the space of a twenty minute phone call than Alexia had in the past 24 hours, you knew just what kind of situation you were in now. Despite the pain your girlfriend was feeling, you were nothing short of furious. Not that you could do much about it though, considering everytime you moved, you would cough so hard your vision went fuzzy. But your closest friend, who had dropped whatever she was doing to come to your flat and stay with you, at the request (demand) of Alba, she took all of that fury on for you and held onto it until you could handle it.
Even still, Alexia went down to breakfast shortly after waking up like she hadn't just ignored your messages that she briefly glanced at, along with the flurry of other messages from family and friends. She ate on her own in silence, airpods in with nothing playing in hopes of some peace. That wasn't achieved though, it was a futile and pathetic attempt. Her mind wouldn't stop.
For the whole of yesterday evening and this morning, the defeat ate at Alexia more than any other mistake she'd made. But as she sat there, alone, staring at her empty plate, she knew she had royally fucked up again with you, and this realisation took over every other mistake she'd made. Not only that, but she had also left her phone in her hotel room, and right now that felt like adding fuel to the fire.
Her chair scraped against the floor as she pushed it back quickly, darting off to the elevator and spamming the button for it to pick her up. When it arrives, she almost runs straight into some other hotel guests, but she doesn't apologise. She steps to the side and waits for them to get out, before pressing the button for her floor and willing the doors to close before anyone else could get on. They did, thankfully, and she urged the lift to move quicker, watching the floors increase until finally she got to the right one. As she ran to her room, going past a few of her teammates who simply just stared at her, she stopped outside the door and checked her pockets for her keycard.
She'd left it in the room.
"¡Joder, no!" She shouts, banging her palms against her own door angrily. Her chest heaved as she rested her forehead against the door, finally feeling the tears she had resisted.
"Ale? ¿Qué paso?" Mapi approaches her cautiously, Ingrid standing back and watching on with concern.
"Dame tu teléfono." Alexia demands, holding her hand out. (Give me your phone.)
"Ale-"
"¡Dame tu teléfono ahora!" She shouts, Mapi glancing back worryingly at Ingrid before handing her phone over immediately. As quick as she could, Mapi unlocks the phone for her and Alexia types in your phone number.
"¿Hola?" It's not your voice.
"Where is she?" Alexia questions, hastily wiping away the tears dripping down her face.
"No, Alexia. Too late." Your friend replies angrily.
"Let me talk to her, ahora." Alexia requests weakly, her cold, strong demeanor cracking by the second.
"She is asleep. She cried herself to exhaustion after staying up all night worrying for you. No way am I letting her talk to you." Your friend spat out brutally, before hanging up.
Alexia drops the phone and slumps back against the wall, sliding down against it until she's on the floor.
"Who did you call?" Mapi asks softly, sitting beside her friend.
"Mi novia." Alexia sighs, resting her elbows on her knees and covering her face.
"You have a girlfriend?" Mapi couldn't stop the surprised answer from bursting out of her, and in turn she received a kick in the shin from Ingrid.
"Do you need a new key?" Ingrid questions. When Alexia nods behind her hands, Ingrid looks expectantly at Mapi.
"Why me?" Mapi responds but she gets up immediately when her girlfriend glares at her. She walks away with her hands in the air, going back to the elevator. Ingrid sits in her place.
"¿Qué paso?" Ingrid wonders softly, wrapping an arm around Alexia's shoulders.
"She is really sick. And I have pushed her away, again." Alexia reveals, grabbing her shirt by the collar and pulling it up to cover her face.
"Again?" Ingrid pushes gently.
"Sí, again. I am an idiot. I keep doing it and I do not know why." Alexia groans, angry at nobody but herself.
The two women talk for a while, Ingrid managing to help Alexia work through some of her emotions before Mapi comes back with a new keycard.
"Gracias, mis amigas." Alexia mumbles, being pulled into a hug by Ingrid, quickly joined by Mapi.
"Let us meet her." Ingrid requests with a smile, Mapi nodding in agreement with a grin.
"Who has tamed Alexia?" Mapi teases, earning a smack on the head by her girlfriend. "Ay, lo siento."
Alexia shakes her head at the pair of them, a tiny slither of a smile on her face as she turns to open her door. The couple walk away with a wave, before Alexia closes the door behind her and rushes over to her phone.
The influx of messages from you break her heart. You sent your last text at 04:17AM, and even though Alexia sensed you were angry at her, it was still filled with love and care.
Yes, she'd hugely messed up.
She was sat on the end of the bed, head in her hands, when her phone rang. Her heart hoped it was you, but her brain knew it wasn't. Instead, it was her sister, and she knew she was about to be in for a lecture and a half.
As expected, she answered and was immediately met with an overload of Spanish being bellowed at her down the line. There was no way she could get a word in as Alba went on and on, and with every word that came out of her sister's mouth, the guilt she felt increased tenfold.
How had she done it again?
"Sí, lo sé, Alba. Lo sé." Alexia mumbles when Alba finally pauses. (Yes, I know, Alba. I know.)
The younger woman goes to speak again, but she's interrupted by broken sobs that wreck through Alexia's body. That's when Alba realises her sister didn't need a lecture now, she had realised her mistake, and what she needed was advice. So, for an hour, that's what she gave. Until the cries of her older sister finally subsided, and there were only background sniffles to her solutions.
After they hung up on each other, Alexia went onto your contact and took her time typing out a message to you. She knew the likelihood of receiving a reply was very low, but it was the first step in making up for her idiocy.
Alexia: Amor, I have no words, no excuses for my actions. I have messed up and broken your trust again. I should not have let the defeat get to me as much as it did, and because of it, I neglected you. It is unforgivable but I know I really messed up and I will really try hard to win you back. I'm coming back to Barcelona tonight, I want to see you so bad but if you don't want me I understand. I hope you're feeling better, I'm so sorry I have been so selfish and I wish I was there to look after you. I hope to see you soon, amor. Feel better soon ❤️
Turning her phone off, she drops it beside her and lays back on the bed. Her forearms cover her eyes as she takes a few deep breaths, overwhelmed by everything that had happened.
"Venga, Ale, tenemos nuestra reunión de equipo ahora." Mapi knocks on her door and shouts through. (Come on, Ale, we have our team meeting now.)
With a heavy sigh, Alexia once again wipes her face on the inside of her t-shirt before getting up - taking her phone with her this time - and leaving her room, accompanied by her good friend.
Meanwhile, back at your flat, you had woken up to the sounds of clattering from your kitchen as your friend made you some grilled cheese toasties and tomato soup. You notice your phone wasn't anywhere around you, so you clamber out of bed, not without a cough, and head towards the kitchen.
"Bon día!" Your Catalonian friend smiles brightly at you from her place in front of the stove.
"Have you got my phone?" You croak out, rubbing your eyes tiredly.
"Sí. I'm not sure you want it." Your friend sighs angrily as she turns back to the food.
"Why?" You ask with a frown. "Has Alexia replied?"
"Yes."
"Well, let me see then." You reply flatly, walking over to take your phone from where you spotted it in her jacket pocket. She steps out of your reach and shakes her head.
"I'm so angry with her, chica, I'm not letting you just walk back into her arms." Your friend warns you.
"I'm not just gonna walk back into her arms, I'm not stupid." You argue, and your friend sighs again.
"I never said that. I didn't mean that. Sorry. I just mean... she always throws you to the side when she's going through a hard time. You are the most caring person I have met, I don't see why she acts like the way she does when she's upset. It makes no sense, chica, and you don't deserve that. Especially when you are so ill like you are." Your friend tells you softly, dishing up your food.
"I know and I am fucking angry about it." You mumble, moving to sit at the tiny dining table in your kitchen.
"Good. You better know your worth, because that woman doesn't." She mumbles, bringing your food over and placing it in front of you. "Te amo, amiga."
You smile as she sweetly kisses your forehead before going off and cleaning her mess. The two of you make small talk as you eat, until she sits down in front of you with a pointed look.
"Hm?" You hum, waiting for her to get out whatever she was about to say.
"I will give you your phone. I'm going to do a grocery shop for you, so I'll give you your phone, but please do not sit on it and just make yourself more upset. I will be quick as I can, sí?" You nod and smile at her as she slides her phone over to you. "Call if you need. See you soon."
She grabs her coat and walks out the door. When she's gone, you immediately go on your phone and look for Alexia's message. You read it, your heart being pulled in about a million different directions emotion-wise, and... as much as you hate to admit it, you believe her. Ultimately though, you choose not to reply to it. She doesn't deserve that yet.
Instead, you move over to the sofa and collapse onto it, a devastated frown on your face as your bottom lip quivers. Tears sneak their way out, soaking the pillow you rest your head on, tired of being ill and tired of being cast aside by your girlfriend.
A few hours later, as you sleep with your head on your friend's lap, there is a knock at your door. You don't hear it of course as you got some more much needed rest, so your friend gently slides out from underneath you and answers it.
"Are you fucking serious?" She growls when she opens the door to see Alexia on the other side. "Are you really here right now?"
"I know you have looked after her when I've been gone, but I am here now, and I need to see her, please. I am so sorry." Alexia pleads, her infamous frown seemingly etched permanently on her face nowadays.
"She is asleep, so I'm going to lower my voice but don't forget how angry I am with you." Your friend takes a deep breath, trying to remain calm. "She has been desperate to speak to you. She didn't stop crying for you and your loss all evening yesterday, and then all night too when she realised you had begun to ignore her again. Imagine how she feels, knowing you are in pain, but being shoved out? And then double her feelings, because she knows that you know she is so sick right now, yet you still choose to act how you have. Her head is all over the place: one part of her is so unbelievably angry at you, another part of her just wants you to hold her until she is better, her mental state seems to just take constant hits because of you. So no, while I am here, you will not see her. I'm taking care of her, giving her my love, doing chores for her since she can hardly breathe, all the things you as a girlfriend should be doing. You are childish and selfish and so fucking egotistical if you think you can march in here and say 'ooh, lo siento bebíta' and expect her to fall back into your arms. You do not deserve her, so go away."
Despite the supposedly calm voice your friend speaks with (it was not calm, it was brutal, spitting, and patronising, with each word hitting Alexia like a bullet), you were woken up by the commotion just a few metres away from you. Neither of the two at your door could see your face where you were on the couch, so you laid still and listened to them.
"I know I have done wrong. I'm a shit girlfriend, I fucking know it. But I still care for her, more than anything in my life. I forgot that for a few hours and I regret it more than anything in my life because I... I love her."
Your eyes widen at that - you and Alexia hadn't admitted that to each other yet. Was she saying it now just to get to you, or did she actually mean it?
"You better mean that, if you are saying that just for the sake of an argument, just to try to win her back, I swear... I can't even think about that. Are you being serious?"
"Sí, absolutely serious. I love her. So much." Alexia's voice cracks from emotion, and you lift your head up a little to see her wipe away a tear. "I can't even explain how much I love her. She... she is the best thing in my life, and I don't know why I keep messing it up but I hate it as much as you do. I cannot even stand myself."
She talks about herself with so much disgust in her voice, it's unsettling to hear.
"You..." Your friend sighs and shakes her head. "Why, Alexia? Why do you do it?"
"I don't know. My, my head gets so... so dark and... clouded. I don't even remember what happened after the game. Uh... mi hermana says I went into shock. I think that's true because I remember nothing. I didn't drink, I had no alcohol. But I don't recall anything. There are... hours that are empty for me. All night. Until I woke up this morning and it's like my life outside of football slowly came back to me and I felt terrible. It's never my intention to neglect her, never. I'm ashamed when it happens because I know she is perfect for me and doesn't deserve me when I am being selfish and stuck in my head. But I love her, I have loved her for a while and I'm sad and fucking disappointed of myself that she doesn't know that." Alexia explains, her hands constantly swiping at her face, determined to not let her tears fall.
"I do know that, Ale." You say quietly, coming to stand beside your friend at the door.
The woman next to you has to suppress an eye roll, but she'd be lying if she said her anger towards Alexia hadn't diminished a little at her seemingly honest words.
"Amor..." Alexia breathes out at the sight of you.
"You can go back to rest, I have this." Your friend reasurres you softly, but you shake your head.
"I want to talk to her." You say, not taking your eyes away from your glum looking girlfriend who gazes at you wordlessly.
"You are sure?" You nod, and your friend walks away to give you both some space.
Alexia watches you, unsure if she should be the first to say anything. But before she can ponder that any longer, you wrap your arms around her tightly. You hide your face in her chest, knowing your friend is watching from the sofa absolutely seething at the image in front of her, but right now you needed this. And judging by Alexia's reaction of crying quietly into your neck, she needed it too.
"I... I am so, so sorry." Alexia says shakily, pulling back and tenderly cupping your face. "How do you feel?"
"Like shit." You mumble, not meeting her eyes. "Do you mean everything you just said?"
"All of it, every word." She answers, and for now, that's all you need.
"We will talk another time because I'm so angry at you, Ale, but right now I think we need each other more than anything." You state in an exasperated voice. Alexia doesn't think she's ever heard a more relieving sentence.
"Sí, sí, amor. I understand you are angry, I really do. Anything you want." Alexia rambles, softly stroking over the skin of your cheekbones.
"Give me a second. Wait here." You tell her. She nods vigorously and doesn't move a muscle when you're away from her.
"Amiga, are you sure this is what you want? I will beat her puta ass right now." Your friend offers, standing up from the couch and placing her hands on your shoulders.
"You don't need to do that. Not right now, anyway." You reply, chuckling at the suggestion and the subsequent image in your head.
"Vale. You call if you need me, I will be here in seconds, you know it. Let me know how it goes. Eres como una hermana para mí, te amo mucho." (You are like a sister to me, I love you so much.)
You smile up at her and gladly accept the hug she offers.
"I love you too, chica. Thank you for everything you've done. I'll speak to you soon." You tell her, squeezing her arm before she walks away.
Silently, you laugh as she glares at Alexia and bumps into her shoulder on her way out of the door. That girl.
"May I come in?" Alexia questions in a shy voice. You nod, and she quietly closes the door behind her. "Is there anything you would like me to do? Anything you need?"
Now that you were alone with her, you were torn. Your brain told you that you should be cautious, that you shouldn't trust her, but your heart wanted you to dive right into her arms and never leave again.
"I, um... I think I need to take my tablets now. The doctors gave me some antibiotics." You answer, your cheeks flushed red as you spoke sheepishly.
"Get yourself comfy on the couch. I will get them for you, and anything else you need or want." Alexia takes a few steps closer until there was less than a metre between you both. "Tell me. It's my job to look after you."
You bit back a nasty response to that, it wasn't the right time. If you wanted to keep the atmosphere as civil and comfortable as possible, now was definitely not the right time to spill every insult and emotion pent up inside you.
"I... I just want my girlfriend, Ale." You admit tearfully.
Alexia didn't think it was possible for such a short sentence to completely crush her heart.
"I am here. Here now." Alexia tells you, pulling you tight against her as yet more tears fall. "I will never forgive myself, amor."
"Please, just..." You sigh frustratedly, moving back from her arms. "Don't talk. I need you, not your words."
Alexia nods affirmatively, and from then on, the evening was spent with no more than a handful of words shared between you both. She helped you take your tablets, held you tightly on the sofa as a movie played on the TV, rubbed your back comfortingly whenever you coughed, cleaned your apartment quickly when you went off to get ready for bed, and whispered the sweetest words imaginable in your ear until you drifted off to sleep.
She didn't sleep at all that night, instead simply just cradled you in a position to ensure your chest wouldn't bother you. It wasn't exactly comfortable for her, but she'd go through anything to you make you feel better. As it often did, her mind spiralled uncontrollably as she sat in silence, the only sounds being your wheezing breaths, and she couldn't stop the stupid tears that leaked from her eyes.
Alexia despised crying. That was only something she had discovered later in her adult life, but she loathed it more than anything. It wasn't something relieving for her, she didn't 'feel better' after it like everyone always says, if anything she felt worse. Frustrated, pathetic, weak, and fucking tired.
But what did she hate more than crying?
Crying because of her disgraceful actions. Crying because you were crying as a result of her.
Whatever it was that was so fucked up wrong with her, she had to deal with it because she couldn't live like this anymore, you couldn't live with her like this anymore. She knew if she got this time right and you forgave her, she had no more chances. One more time of acting like this, you were gone. You didn't even have to say it for her to know it.
Life had no guarantees, she knew her future wasn't going to be perfect and there will be occasions that will have her hating the world, so she must sort through her mind to figure out why she reacted this way and how to fix it, how to react better.
Barcelona had a team of trusted psychologists and psychiatrists, so after her next training session, she would pay them a visit and ask for help.
"What's on your mind, Ale?" You croak out, feeling her tense body underneath you and knowing she was awake. The sunlight was shining through the curtains of your room, signifying it was now the next morning.
"Nada, amor. Vuelve a dormir." She shushes you, lightly trailing her fingers up and down your back. (Nothing, love. Go back to sleep.)
"No." You reply, shifting off of her to sit up against the headboard beside her, mirroring the position she'd been in all night. "Talk to me."
"It's early, we don't have to right now." She brushes you off and feels the temperature of your forehead with the back of her hand. "How do you feel?"
"Better."
It was a lie, you still felt like crap, but you just wanted to talk. Alexia was probably right though, first thing in the morning wasn't likely the best time to talk, but you wanted it over and done with.
"Are you sure?" Alexia checks with a shaky sigh.
"I want to talk. I want you to talk." You demand gently, Alexia nodding. "Be honest with me, Ale. Really fucking honest."
"Sí, I will." Alexia tells you. "Where do you want me to start?" You just stare at her wordlessly. "Okay. Okay."
She clears her throat nervously before she begins.
"Everything I said to your amiga yesterday was absolutely the truth. I swear it. I really don't remember much from after the match, but that's never really happened to me before. It's... a bit scary."
She pauses, fiddling with the drawstrings of her shorts.
"I didn't want it to happen. And I already know I need to speak to somebody about it because it was so scary when I realised what happened, and I never want it to do it again. I was just so set on us winning, getting revenge, defending our trophy, I guess I... didn't even consider us losing. It wasn't an option. But then we did lose and I was..."
She shrugs her shoulders, her eyes glazed over and unfocused as she absentmindedly stared off into your room.
"I was hurt. I gave it my all and it wasn't good enough. I felt like I had no more to give. I must have been really tired, I think I was for a long time, because when I got to my hotel room I think I went straight to sleep. Which again, never happens. I can't really sleep after a game, so for that to happen was really unusual. But I know this isn't what you wanted to hear or expected to hear, you want to hear me talk about how I felt about you. About the situation I put you in again."
She takes a deep breath and turns to look at you.
"I told you all that because I want you to know it wasn't a... a con- conscious?" You nod. "It wasn't a conscious decision or a purpose to act like that. I wasn't even in my head to make my own decisions. But I'm not going to blame my actions on that, I still blame myself for it. I need to make sure that won't happen again, it's only my responsibility, nobody else. It's not fair for me to react that way and for it to affect the people around me. I promise I am going to talk to a mental health helper about it."
Your lips turn up into a tiny smile at her skewed English translation of a therapist.
"But sometimes, when bad things happen, my head gets so negative and it's not a nice place to be. It's dark, and I don't... I don't want you to see that, amor. Because I get really negative. Mamí told me I apparently said I don't even want to play football again after the loss yesterday. That's how bad my mindset was."
The look on Alexia's face is one of pain as she speaks, and you're quite shocked to hear what she's saying right now - you can't remember a time she's ever let you in to her headspace like this. So openly and honestly, telling you her most intense and personal thoughts.
"I think I automatically push people I love away from me when I'm like that because I really, really don't want to hurt anyone. I am going to talk to the mental health team at Barca and set up some sessions with them because I am so serious about you, amor. I want to have this relationship, I want it more than anything. And I would choose to quit football than choose to upset you on purpose. I should have checked on you, cared for you, and let you in. But I was in my own head too much and acted like a selfish... selfish brat."
You huff a breath of laughter at the description choice of herself, something that sparks a bit of hope in her chest.
"If you choose to forgive me, I'll never let you forget how grateful I am. If you want to take it slow, I will take it slow. If... you want me to leave, I will leave. The ball is in your box."
"The ball is in your court." You correct her humourously. She blushes and shakes her head.
"The ball is in your court." She repeats, looking at you with such sincerity and tenderness that it takes away your breath away slightly.
"I'm going to be honest now, okay?" Alexia nods, ready for whatever you're about to say. "I was so upset when I realised you had started to ignore me again. All I ever want to do is care for you, Ale, and when you need it most you push me away. It hurts, it makes me insecure, it makes me feel like I'm not good enough or I'm doing something wrong or-"
"No, no, no, you don't, you never have." She wants to carry on, but you stare at her, unimpressed, and that's enough to stop her in her tracks.
"I know it might be hard for you to open up, but when it comes to hard times like this, the relationship feels quite one-sided. I'm not doing that, Ale. Plain and simple. That's not how a relationship works, you have to let me in. You have to let me be there for you. No protecting your reputation, no shutting off, none of that. You let me do my job as your girlfriend because I care for you. You can rely on me, you're allowed to lay off some of your emotions onto me because that's the only way to survive healthily; accepting help from others when you need it. You can only survive on your own for so long, and this relationship can only survive for so long if you continue like this."
You warn her sternly, looking at her with a firm glare that strikes fear in Alexia.
"If anything like this happens again, Alexia, I'm out. I'm not doing it."
There you go, your last line delivered to perfectly finish off your explanation. To be honest, at such a time in the morning and when you're ill, you can't really believe how well-put together your argument is.
"I hear everything you say, amor. I hear it and I'm going to do better. You are an incredible person. You deserve better than I have given and I swear to you I'm going to be better from now on. I recognise my stupid mistakes and I know how I'm going to start fixing them. I cannot promise I will be perfect, but I do promise that I'm going to work on my flaws and be the best version of myself for you. All this, because I love you."
Is it a bit soon to forgive her? You hope not, because right now you don't think you've ever felt more admiration for someone. She's done everything you've asked for and more in terms of being honest and opening it. Perhaps it almost came too late for other people's standards, but you can't just forget the person she is when she's not being a stubborn mess. You just have to trust her now; trust that she's going to stick to her word, trust that she's going to be better for you. And if she doesn't, well... you'll be ruined.
"Am I... do you forgive me?" Comes Alexia's insecure, tired voice.
"Almost. You just need to stick to your word, please, Alexia." You sigh, returning back to your previous position on her chest. She freezes for a moment, before delicately wrapping her arms back around you and pressing a firm kiss to your warm forehead.
"I will. I promise. I promise." She rests her head atop yours, closing her exhausted eyes.
The room falls silent as you take in the feeling of each other, both relishing in it more comfortably than last night now that everything is mostly just water under the bridge.
"Ale?" You say, lifting your head up to look at her. She hums, smiling slightly deliriously down at you, completely sleep deprived. "I'm so sorry about your game. I know how much it meant to you."
She smiles sadly this time, shrugging her shoulders a little.
"Thank you. Let's not think about that now though, amor. I will be okay with it soon." She responds, leaning her head back against the headboard and closing her eyes.
"Ale?" You say again.
"Mhm?"
"I love you too."
Her eyes shoot open and her head jerks forward at that.
"¿Hablas en serio?" She asks immediately, moving a hand to rest on your cheek. (Are you serious?)
"Sí, absolutamente en serio." You tell her in a quiet giggle. "Te amo, Ale." (Yes, absolutely serious. I love you.)
Alexia gazes down at you, this time not loathing the tears in her eyes, before hugging you tighter than she ever has. It's a moment you'll both cherish forever - the absolute whirlwind of the past 24 hours were an important turning point in your relationship, for the better.
And when it gets to July, that turns out to be more true than you could have ever guessed. Your relationship was thriving, you didn't think it was possible to stay in the 'honeymoon phase' for so long and so intensely, but you were. Every moment possible was spent together, you introduced each other to your individual friends, and even went on holiday together to spend some important time together pre-tournament. That holiday was the best time of your life, being there with Alexia's family and closest friends outside of football, it was a special time that bonded you closer to each other and you'll never forget it.
Now though, you were back to being hundreds of miles apart. Alexia was in training camp in England for the Euros, whilst you were still in Barcelona for unmissable work events before you were due to fly out the night before Spain's first game.
However, you were in a terribly familiar predicament. It had been a few hours since Alexia had finished training that day, it being a morning session, but you hadn't heard a thing from her. That might not seem like something to worry about for others, but nowadays when you two were apart, you were both teased by your respective friends for constantly being on your phones texting each other. So now, you were beginning to worry.
Surely not.
Surely, it cannot be happening again. You had given her a clear warning last time, if she was to do it again then you were gone. Three strikes, and she was out.
But it was indeed radio silence from her for the past few hours. It was nearing 4pm now, signalling the end of your work day, and you had a bad feeling.
No, not anger, it was worry.
And as you reached the door of your apartment a short while later, your worries were confirmed.
Alexia: Hi guapa, sorry for not replying. I got injured in training and they sent me to hospital. Nothing serious but I had scans and they said I have broke my ACL. Not great but I'm okay🫶🏼
"Ale! ¿Eres estúpido?" Mapi scolds her friend after peeking at her phone to see the message she had pressured her to send for the past hour. (Are you stupid?)
"No quiero qué ella se preocupe." Alexia mumbles, sliding her phone back in her pocket and looking out the window of the van. (I don't want her to worry.)
"Ay ay ay." Mapi sighs. She knows what she has to do. "Mujer tonta." (Silly woman.)
Mapi: Chica do not listen to your girlfriend. She is stupid, she is not okay. She needs you, please ring her!!
You read the text from Mapi as soon as you get it. Quickly, you barge through your door and set your bag down before going to your room, flopping down on your bed, and ringing your girlfriend.
"Ni se te occura ignorarlo. Contestarlo." Mapi demands when your call comes through, slapping Alexia's shoulder lightly from her seat in the row behind. (Don't even think about ignoring it. Answer it.)
"Hola." Alexia answers your call quietly.
"Ale. How are you?" You ask in a concerned sigh.
"Um." Her eyes shift around uncomfortably at the question, struggling to answer. "I don't know."
"I'm so sorry, sweetheart. So sorry." You close your eyes and will the tears to leave; now was not the time.
"There is nothing to do now." Alexia states harshly, not really directed at you but just at the world in general.
"I know." You frown. "So many people are there to support you though, my love. So many people. Including me. I'll be with you every step of the way, okay?"
"There isn't anything you can do. I don't need you to do anything, this is obviously something I have to do on my own. I don't need you."
Alexia's response feels like a stab in your heart. You know in her current circumstance, with it being so fresh still, you shouldn't take it personally. But after everything you've been through together, everything she's put you through, it slips through the cracks of your insecurities. The only comfort you get is the background noise of Mapi swearing and shouting at Alexia in thick and fast Spanish.
"Don't be like that, Ale. I want to support you, do you not remember everything we've been through?" You hit back instantly.
Alexia feels a lump forming in her throat as she recognises herself slipping back into that mindset she had tried so hard to destroy. She hadn't planned for this to happen though. As naïve as it might be, she didn't think this would ever happen to her. But, it has. Now not only does she have to accept that, she has to accept that she has people around her to make the journey easier. And that starts with you.
"Sorry, amor. I didn't mean that. I need you. More than anyone, I am so sorry for saying that. I really, so wish you were here." Alexia admits brokenly, covering her eyes and clutching at the phone almost desperately.
"I wish I was there too." You whisper back, placing a hand over your heart. "Let me in, please."
"I will, I do need you. I just... never thought this could happen." Alexia cries silently as she hides her face in her jumper. "I don't know what to do."
"What you are going to do is take the necessary steps to ensure your health, Ale. It's going to be as much a mental journey as it will a physical one, so you need to take time to come to terms with this, however long that takes, before doing anything else. But we've got you. We're going to take care of you, and you will get through this."
"I don't know, amor. I... it's too soon to know." Alexia admits as much as it pains her. There's too many thoughts in her head, too many possible outcomes, setbacks, and challenges she could face along this long road before she even considers the end result.
"Okay, I understand." You get up from your bed and dart back to the main room to get your diary from your work bag. Checking it quickly, you make a key decision. "How about I pack my bags and get on a flight to you tonight?"
Immediately, Alexia's first instinct is to tell you no, tell you she doesn't need that, that you don't need to worry, it's not necessary. But that's muscle memory, not her true feelings.
"You would really do that?" Alexia mumbles hopefully.
"I absolutely would. I want to be with you, and you need me." You tell her truthfully.
"What about work?" Alexia wonders, looking down at her swollen knee that really hardly even hurt anymore.
"Forget work, amor. You are more important." You answer definitively.
"I would feel so much better if you were here."
That's all it took. By midnight, you were 36,000 feet in the air, on your way to your girlfriend.
When you arrived at the hotel in the early hours of the morning, she was awake and waiting for you in her room. You hug her immediately, and Alexia can't recall a time she had desperately needed to feel the warm embrace of another person outside of her family. It was tender, sensitive, and healing in its own way despite everything that was down the road.
The first and probably the most important challenge came a week later, back in Barcelona. You were sat in the pre-surgery waiting room with Alexia who had been prepped for her reconstruction surgery, gripping one of her large hands with both of yours as she lay, wracked with nerves.
Questions, worries, and insecurities bounced around her mind so intensely, she could hardly even land on a single thought. It was severely overwhelming, which she knew was not needed right now before such a crucial moment. Yet, she couldn't stop the barrage of questions that began to spill out of her.
"What if I never recover?" Alexia murmurs, an arm behind her head as she stared up at the ceiling. You frowned and squeezed her hand - this wasn't the first time you'd heard this question.
"We can't know that yet, Ale. Qué será, será." You remind her. (Whatever will be, will be.)
"Fútbol es mi vida." She states ever so quietly, it was hard to catch but of course you did.
"I know. I have no doubt you'll be back playing football, Alexia. But if for some reason you don't, there are so many options. You can do anything you put your mind to."
"What if... I am not Alexia again? On the pitch?"
You sigh and stand up to move towards the top of the bed where her head lay.
"Mírame." You request in a soft voice. She turns to look at you with glossy eyes and a quivering lower lip. "We have to get through this surgery first, vale? I hear all of your concerns, amor, they are normal and I understand each and every one. But the most important thing right now is ensuring you are in the right head space going into this operation. So, we're going to take some deep breaths together, wipe those irritating tears-"
She chuckles and at that and rubs her eyes; one time, she had voiced her distaste about crying to you. You found it so endearing that she felt that way, much to her annoyance, and spent the last couple months convincing her it was okay to cry. To your face, she still hated it. Behind your back? She loved that she now had a person to go to when she felt the inevitable tears coming. But of course she still despised doing it, it was just slightly more bearable around you.
"And we're going to replace this knotted, messy string of anxious thoughts with our favourite memories. Breathe with me now, sí?"
She nods and you breathe in sync together for a few minutes until Alexia's mind is back present in the room, in the current situation, and not stuck in a nasty cloud of anxiety.
"So, memory one: our holiday this Summer. It was the best holiday I have ever been on. Not because of the location, although it was beautiful, but because of the people I was with. I saw a new side of you, amor, you were so relaxed and it was so fun being with your family and friends. I can't wait for next time."
You're both wearing matching smiles as you reminisce the best few weeks you'd had in a while.
"It was amazing having you with us, guapa. The best guest."
"Gracias, bebé." You place a quick kiss on her cheek, followed by her lips. "Memory two: the first time I met Mapi and Ingrid on that double date at our favourite restaurant."
Alexia laughs before you've even finished telling the memory.
"When she put her wine all over herself and the waiter?" You nod and laugh with her, beyond relieved to see her with a genuine smile on her face. You hadn't seen too many of them recently.
"Yeah, when she spilt her wine. And then tried to blame it on the waiter- he looked so young! He's probably never had a drop of alcohol in his life!"
The two of you laugh and share memories for a little while longer, until the time arrives for Alexia to be taken into her surgery. You whisper a seemingly endless amount of reassuring words in her ear, before she's wheeled away out of your sight. For just under three hours, you sit nervously in the family waiting room, praying for probably the first time in your life, wishing that the operation went well.
Honestly, you could have been sick with relief when the surgeon came out and gave you every detail possible about it, ultimately saying it went off without a hitch. Then, you were being led to Alexia's room where she would stay for the night, excited to see your groggy but possibly loopy girlfriend.
"Hi Ale." You greet quietly, walking in.
"Hm, hola amor." Alexia rasps out, giving you an awkward wave that makes you giggle.
"How do you feel?" You take a seat in the chair next to her, placing a comforting hand on her forearm.
"As long as I still have two knees, bien." She gives you a dopey grin, one you don't think you've ever seen before, and you wish you could get your phone out to photograph it.
"The doctors tell me you do indeed have two knees, so I don't think you need to worry about that." You smile at her, seeing her nod and rest her head back.
"¿Estás bien?" She wonders with a light hum, shakily taking your hand and covering it with both of hers.
"Yes, I'm okay, don't worry about me though." You answer humourously.
"Sabes, te amo muchísimo." Alexia states, and from the sounds of it, it sounds like she's about to make some kind of speech. "I did some thinking waiting for you to come here. I just love you. You are perfect para mí. I did two bad things to you, but here you sit with me. Perfecta. Niña mía. I almost did another bad thing, when my knee broke for no reason, but Mapi stopped me and then you saved me. What's that song you like?"
The random question seems disjointed and out of place in the things she was saying - which had you completely melting - but regardless you answer.
"I like many songs, Ale, you'll have to be more specific."
"No. You know which one." You squint at her confusedly, causing her to give a dramatic sigh. "Ay. The old one. That you did not stop playing on holiday, from that night on the beach."
"Stand by me?" You ask in a laugh.
"Sí, that one. I never tell you, but I love it too." She smiles bashfully, then suddenly frowns. "Sing it, please. I can remember the words but not the song."
"There's no way I'm singing right now." You laugh at her, only resulting in her frown growing. So much so, she looks like an angry toddler.
"Por favor, guapa. That is how I feel about you, that song. 'I won't be afraid if you stand by me'. This stupid ACL can go fuck itself because I have you."
You've never heard her say that phrase in her life, but right now you couldn't even laugh. Your heart warmed at her words, completely falling in love with her all over again.
"You really want me to sing it right this second? In the middle of a hospital?" You respond, because at this moment in time there's not a thing you'd say no to, not when she was being so adorable and honest, even if it was partially due to her pain meds and the anesthetic.
"Sí. Come lay with me, here." She shuffles to one side of the bed, scaring you since she was a little shaky and not very coherent, but she managed to do it.
"I'm not sure I'm allowed." You say, unsure.
"I'm sick, my rules." She shrugs.
"You're not sick." You laugh, but nevertheless, you stand from your chair, slip your shoes off, and slot onto the bed beside her.
"Venga, canta." She orders sweetly as she looks up at you from her position slightly lower down on the bed with her beautiful, irresistible face. With a sigh, you clear your throat gently and do as she says.
"When the night has come." Your voice is soft and quiet, but it's enough for Alexia, who gazes up at you with more adoration than you thought ever to be possible. "And the land is dark. And the moon is the only light we'll see."
"Ay, I remember now." She says quietly as not to disturb you.
"No I won't be afraid. Oh, I won't be afraid. Just as long as you stand, stand by me."
Alexia simply smiles contently and rests her head on your shoulder, wrapping a hand around your upper arm and humming along with you.
"So darlin', darlin', stand by me. Oh, stand by me. Oh stand... stand by me, stand by me."
Her body grows heavier beside you and her breathing slows down, so you stop singing, thinking she was asleep. But...
"If you stand by me, I can do anything. Mi mundo no es nada sin ti, pero me siento invencible cuando estoy contigo." (My world is nothing without you, but I feel invincible when I'm with you.)
She mumbles her statement quietly, before she drifts off into a peaceful rest. Your eyes are burning with tears at her words - just two simple sentences, whispered quietly on the brink of sleep - but they have an impact larger than either of you could ever recognise.
And when she returns to the pitch ten months later, that song being the anthem of her recovery (only to yours and hers knowledge), three words are chanted in her head. Not 'I love you' - instead, the three words of a song which became your own love language for the rest of your relationship.
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fallingdownhell · 4 months
Note
Could I request angst/comfort with Diluc, Ayato, Al-Haitham and Kaveh's s/o who is afraid of loud arguments, due to hearing her dad argue with her mom a lot (over dumb stuff that he gets mad about), hearing the boys angry at or arguing with someone and running to hide? And when the boys find her, she's shaking like a leaf and in tears even when they comfort her.
I really like scenarios like this. Hope I did this justice! Characters Included: Diluc; Kaveh; Ayato Content: gender neutral reader; established relationship; hurt/comfort; mentions of past trauma/abuse (not from the boys); mentions of shouting/arguing; the boys are apologizing to you Word count: 2,3k words Enjoy<3
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Diluc
It's quite often that he's having arguments with Kaeya. Well, not so much arguments, but rather pesky little fights and petty quarrels. You, and everyone else, were used to it at this point. That's just how it was between those two now. Doesn't mean that you like it, but there's just not really much you can do about it, either.
However, this time, it was different.
Usually, when Kaeya and Diluc fight, it's snarky remarks and sarcastic comments thrown at each others heads. It never included any shouting, loud arguing or even physical altercations.
But apparently, there really is a first for everything.
Kaeya came by at the Winery today, which in itself isn't a problem, he does that from time to time, because even if he doesn't say it out loud, you know that he probably just misses his home.
When Diluc came back later that evening as well, they started to throw comments at each other again. You had no idea, how or why it escalated to this point, but somewhere along the way, they each began raising their voices at each other and for the past few minutes, they had been standing in the middle of the foyer, shouting at each other at the top of their lungs.
When it started getting louder, you were already trying to make yourself as small as possible on your spot on the couch, being reminded of your youth, when similar things regularly happened in your childhood home.
You were coiling yourself in, hands pressed to your ears in an effort to drown out the voices, but it just didn't work. Although you couldn't hear what they were arguing talking about, it didn't help to reduce the volume of their voices at all.
And then suddenly, your eyes snapped open in shock as you heard something break, shatter, on the ground. Suddenly, memories and flashbacks came crashing back to you, and your instincts took over.
You needed to hide. Now!
With newfound fervor, you got up and ran upstairs, dashing into the bedroom you shared with Diluc. You didn't even stop to consider your options, you just rounded the bed and sat down on the floor next to it, hoping that it would sufice in keeping you hidden from prying eyes..
You had no idea how long you were sitting there on the ground, legs pressed against your chest, your hands again pressing against your ears. Your whole body was shaking like a leaf in a storm, tears were running down your face, but you just couldn't bring yourself to care about that right now.
You were sure that you were in the middle of a panic attack right now, breathing becoming more and more difficult. It felt like you just couldn't get enough air into your lungs anymore, no matter how much you tried. The memories were just too much to handle.
The sheer panic, that he would come into your room any second now, hurting you again..
Then suddenly, you feel a gentle touch at your shoulder. Your eyes snap open and you look up to see Diluc, sitting in front of you, a worried and apologetic expression on his face. He quickly retracts his hand again, not wanting to make you uncomfortable in case you didn't want to be touched right now.
He begins talking to you, calm and collected, his voice slowly breaking through the fog that has clouded your mind. The more he talked, the more you seemed to come back into reality, out of the memories of much darker times you have been trapped in.
Diluc talks calmly to you, apologizing for his behaviour, even though he knew that right now wasn't the best time to do so, but he wanted to say it anyways. He would apologize properly again, later.
Right now, he needed to calm you down again. He waited and sat with you, until you calmed down enough to the point were you allowed him to touch you again. Immediately, he pulled you into his arms, holding you against his chest.
He continues to speak calming affirmations to you, gently brushing through your hair while you rest your head against his chest, listening to the sound of his beating heart.
"I'm sorry, (Name). I'm so sorry. I have no idea why I let things get this out of hand. I should have known better. I promise, I won't ever let this happen again. You're safe here, you're safe with me. Nothings going to happen to you. Not anymore. I won't allow anything or anyone to harm you again. I will always protect you."
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Kaveh
Kaveh was well aware of the things you and your mother had to go through in your childhood. Living with an abusive father and husband can do things to someone, and he always tries his best to be understanding and supportive of you.
When you first told him about the things you went through and what you struggle with now, as a result of that, he vowed to you, and himself, to never put you in any type of situation where you could feel unsafe around him.
He wanted to be a safe space for you. Where you didn't have to fear anything bad coming your way, especially from him.
And for the most part, things were going fine. Kaveh helped you overcome a lot of things, and even when still struggling with some, he's always right by your side, never pushing you into anything, always the ever supporting boyfriend.
However, mistakes still tend to happen.
One such mistake on his part, was taking a client of his back to the house with him, to talk over some points of a new project. Kaveh had thought nothing of it, having done that a few times already.
You were home as well, offering to brew some tea for the two men so that they could discuss their work over something to drink. They agreed and while you disappeared into the kitchen, they began talking about the project.
However, talking soon turned into annoyed comments, which in turn became an argument over different view points. None of the men realised how loud they had raised their voices until they suddenly hear the sound of glass shattering on the ground, followed by a door being slammed shut soon after.
Kaveh instantly realised what had happened, knowing that he fucked up big time.
Without further explanation, he told the client to get out of the house, not paying any further attention to him. His only focus now was to find you and comfort you.
Kaveh went into the bedroom first, hoping to find you in there, curled up in the bed or something. When you were not to be found in there at all, he began to feel uneasy. He didn't want you to be alone right now. He needed to be there for you.
Frantically, he searched the entire house, until he found you in the bathroom, sitting in the corner, eyes blown wide with fear and shaking like you were standing barefoot in the middle of a snowstorm.
Quickly, he rushed to get you a blanket, knowing that you don't want to be touched directly, yet he didn't want to just leave you like this. He returned and gently tucked the blanket around your shoulders and on top of your head, creating some sort of shield from the outside world. He kept his arm around your shoulders, putting only very light pressure in it.
When that didn't seem to help, he began talking to you. He knew that telling you things to do wouldn't help you right now, so instead, he began to ramble. Telling you things about his day, what he had seen and done today, making sure that his voice was soft and calm, while he spoke in a slow manner, trying to convey to you that everything was okay, no danger anywhere near.
After a few minutes, it seemed to help, you began to calm down a bit. When he had the impression that you could properly hear him again, he nudged you to do some slow breathing excercises with him.
Slowly, you followed his lead, breathing in through your nose, and out through the mouth. He asked you to focus on certain things and slowly but surely, the panic began to subside and you could think clearly again.
When you turned and saw Kaveh sitting there in front of you, a relieved smile on his lips, you fell right into his arms, holding onto him like he was your lifeline and you couldn't afford to ever let go of him.
He returned the embrace, holding you in his arms, but making sure that his hold wasn't too tight.
Whatever it is you need of him right now, he's willing to do it. Anything, if it only makes you feel better again. He can't live with the thought that it was his fault this happened to you in the first place.
"(Name)... I'm so sorry. I have no idea what happened back there, I wasn't really thinking about it. I know that's no apology for anything, but I want you to know that this was not my intention. I promised to never make you feel uneasy with me, and yet, I broke that promise like the idiot I am. I will do anything to make it up to you again, I promise. I love you so much."
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Ayato
When you had first told him about the events that happened in your childhood, Ayato was appalled by the actions of your "father". He may not know everything there is to know, but what you had told him was enough.
Enough for him to understand, why you had issues with certain things and may not be able to easily handle certain situations like others would. He didn't mind that at all. It's one of the ways that made you special. Not in a bad way, of course.
He always offered you his support, wether you want to work on your "issues" or not. He would support your decision, since it's not his place to judge or interviene. So long as you are happy with the way life goes for you, he can't complain about it, either.
However, due to this, he does tend to keep you out of matters with his work, especially when it involves meetings with people. He knows first hand that some of them can get a bit out of hand and he'd never willingly put you through that if he has anything to say about it. Which he does, luckily.
However, this time, you had told him that you wanted to be present at the next meeting he had. It was about an upcoming festival, and the organizer has asked to meet the both of you, regarding finances and other regulations.
Ayato, having worked with the man before, knew that he tended to have a short temper. So, he asked you if you were really sure about this, telling you what might come your way if you decide to participate.
You insisted, telling him that you wanted to work on yourself, not wanting to hide away from confrontations forever. Reluctantly, he agreed.
And so the next day, you were sitting next to Ayato, the organizer of the event in front of you. In the middle sat a small table with feshly brewed tea provided by Thoma. You had beed taking sip after sip while Ayato and the man discussed the finances of the project at hand.
Everything seemed to be going just fine, until it wasn't. The man disagreed with the budget provided to him, demanding more funds from the Yashiro commission.
While Ayato remained calm and collected, his usual smile on his face, the man grew more and more agitated. He began raising his voice and with every passing second, Ayato could feel you growing more uncomfortable next to him.
He tried to deescalate the situation, continuing to talk calmly to the man. However, his efforts proved to be in vain and when the man then slammed his hand on the table, that was when things got to much for you.
You flinched at the sudden banging sound, hiding your body behind Ayato in fear of this man in front of you. He reminded you so much of your father right now... He had done so terrible things to you, for much less..
Immediately as this happens, Ayato calls for his guards standing outside the room, ordering them to escort the man off the estate. He was quickly taken away and removed, leaving the two of you alone in the room.
Quickly, Ayato turned around to you, pulling you into a soft embrace, wrapping his arms around your head and letting your head rest against his chest.
He ignored the shaking of your body, ignored the tears that were staining his clothes and just focused on calming you down again. He spoke softly to you, his voice nothing more than a soothing whisper in one of your ears, while the other listened to his slow, calming heartbeat.
Taking a deep breath and closing your eyes, you try to focus on the present.
You kept telling yourself that you were safe, you're with Ayato now, not back then with your father...
Hearing Ayato talking to you through everything helped a lot, too. It grounded you and soon enough, the shaking and the tears stopped again
"Shh, it's alright, (Name). Everything's okay. You're safe here. He's gone. He's not gonna hurt you. I won't allow it. Here, take a deep breath with me, listen to my voice. It's okay. Nothing is going to happen to you, I promise."
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puripurin · 4 months
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— Recently, well, with in the past 10 years, the government has been trying to integrate humanoid monsters into society. This was because many of these monsters had unique traits that ended up being very beneficial to many people in power, and by integrating them into society, more of these specimens would appear and join government jobs.
So they tried pushing out incentives to integrate into society, such as paying people to live in an apartment building with them. That's where you come in. You have a stable job, but guess who was a pain in your ass?
Your crazy and unprofessional landlord.
She had tried all sorts of stunts to you and the other tenants. On several occasions, she would lock all the tenants out of the building. If any of the bins were overflowing or litter was on the ground, she would raise the bills by random amounts every two weeks, then get mad if you were to call out her bullshit. Nobody wanted to say anything because the last tenants were slapped with an NDA and got threatened by here with a chainsaw.
You couldn't even leave before due to how ridiculously expensive she made it if you were to break the leasing contract. So you had to save up for the past 2 years. Sometimes, you felt like a cartoon character living there with the amount of antics that happened there.
So that's why you immediately took the offer to live with monsters in the building. Plus, it was a really good deal because there were several accommodations and incentives to live there, so you broke off your lease and paid the stupid fees. So finally, you could leave that insane woman's place.
Now you live in Terico Hights, a stress and mad woman free apartment where you live with monstrous neighbors who are literally more humane than your ex-landlord.
And now that you've been here for a couple of months now, you can officially say, you think that your harpy neighbor likes you.
He was one of the original monsters who was assigned to live here and has been living here ever since. His name was Nirico, and his 4 year old disabled daughter, Nira, lives with him. The reason why the mother isn't in the picture is because she literally nearly mauled the poor girl because, apparently, the mother thought that by having a female child, Nirico wouldn't love her anymore and took drastic measures.
You were well acquainted with his child after you were the only one the building who could take care of his child when he was going to get inspected. At first, both him and his daughter were weary of you, but his daughter quickly warmed up once you gave her some mixed nuts.
Nira was absolutely cute, and her scars just made her unique. Over time, you were able to give her kisses on her forehead and brush her hair, which slowly turned into feathers, just like most harpy species, and gently brushing her wing feathers with a toothbrush. Nira absolutely loved doing these things with you and constantly asked her father to join in because it felt really nice.
Nirico was extremely distrustful at first, and when you were alone, threatened you. So you didn't get on the right foot, to say the least. You and him would constantly argue with each other when Nira was around, and the tension between you two was enormous.
That was until one day when you came out of Nira's room after she fell asleep and saw Nirico drinking so much. He was heavily intoxicated and was babbling to you before it once again spiraled into an argument that turned into a heated make-out session, which turned into you both going into his room and fucking like animals.
This turned a switch on in him and started being near your side constantly. It was so obvious that his daughter and neighbors called him out on it, but he didn't care. And he, just like his daughter, wanted to brush your hair and brush his hair and feathers.
When you mention it to your neighbors, they only look at each other with a knowing look before saying congratulations, which left you confused.
Soon enough, those days when Nira wasn't there turned into the times when you'd both go at it like rabbits. After those sessions, he'd give you kisses, clean you up, and brush your hair.
When you try to bring a male co-worker, he'd get aggressive, and you'd have to apologize to him for Nirico's behavior when he eventually leaves. Every time he does this, you'd try to scold him, but he'd always corner you with his arms saying,
"Well, who are you to scold me when you brought a man in my territory. I should be the one scolding and punishing you, my dove."
You really want to know how to get out of this situation, but too bad he'd already marked you as his mate and made your apartment his territory.
And they didn't say that humans and monsters having relationships are illegal, so there should be no fuss, dove.
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Idk what to say. 213 followers. I am flabbergasted. I don't know what to say. Oh mah gawd. I have no idea what to do for a special, so give a reccs and i have so much stuff i need to write. I am so grateful that yall enjoy my shit. Thank you! (Ps, nit proofread, also i js wanted a dilf harpy, sorry if the beginning doesn't make any sense mb)
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⋆ ˚。⋆౨ৎ˚ Pretty Girls Covered In Grease Do Crazy Things To Me
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content: leo valdez x reader fic warning: NSFW, complete smut under the cut, OBVIOUSLY AGED UP LATE LATE 20'S YALL, author's note: i have no excuse....i would like to formally apologize for this made me a monster fr...not proofread in the slightest and literally just written
it started out with an innocent offer. how the hell it ended up like this, leo had no clue.
that's a lie, he knew exactly how. having y/n around makes him radioactive with less than wholesome thoughts on daily basis, now cover her in grease and get her working up a sweat and he was a goner. worse than a goner...he was a horndog.
it was a simply offer of help and a simple acceptance of the aforementioned help. and yet, here leo was, doing even less work and drooling over his girlfriend. who, apparently, was completely oblivious to what she was doing to him. she apparently didn't know that rubbing grease over her - his - white tank top, right where her tits were, was extremely sensual. she apparently didn't realize that every time she leaned into the hood of the car, her pants would slide down and give leo just a tease of her red lace thong. apparently, she had no fucking clue, based on the innocent and sweet smiles she'd shoot over her shoulder at leo.
she was going to ruin him, surely. completely and utterly ruin him. or, at least, his pants
"leo, could you hand me that wrench?"
he heard your voice, he swears. he even grabbed the damn wrench, but the moment he spun around and saw you on your tippy toes, leaning into the car with one hand held out to him and your whole thong basically on display for him, he lost all train of thought and action. he froze, like an idiot, basically foaming at the mouth with the wrench steadily slipping out of his hand.
"leo?" you prompted, a little louder and something like a whine in your voice. leo lost it, a little groan leaving his lips and the wrench clattering against the ground. you pulled yourself from the engine, spinning around and looking at leo with worry, tilting your head and your lips pouting out.
"are you okay, leo-"
"keep saying my name," leo managed to grasp out, taking large strides towards you before smashing his lips against yours. a muffled moan left your lips at the sudden impact but you recovered quickly, your hands roaming over his shoulders and chest. leo reached down and squeezed your ass before giving a gentle pat, a signal you knew. without much separation of your lips, you hopped up and leo easily caught your thighs and pulled your hips to meet his. another muffled moan left your lips as you could feel how hard he was through his jeans.
leo carried you over to his workbench, only breaking away from you long enough to shove meaningless projects straight to the ground. he sat you on top of the desk, his lips finding home against yours for a few more minutes before he pulled away and all but ripped your shirt off.
"leo!" you squealed, laughing as he flung it away to gods know where, a smirk on his face as he took in the red lace bra. he hooked his finger on one of the straps, steadily tugging it down your arm
"wear this for me, baby?"
"always, valdez."
"that's what i like to hear," he taunted before abandoning your bra and slowly going down to your jeans, his fingers expertly undoing the button of your jeans and tugging the zipper down, revealing the matching panties that had been teasing at him allllllll afternoon.
"you like?" you question with heaving breaths.
"no," leo started, looking up at you through his lashes with a smirk, "i love."
"well, i think you'd love them more if they were off me," you offer, shooting forwards and pressing a kiss to the corner of his lips
"You know me so well, princesa," he mused, which then led to a flurry of clothes flying off and landing in places that were gonna piss them off later but leo couldn't fidn it in him to care as he met your lips again, his fingers brushing over your breasts.
"i love to be in between your thighs doing my thing, baby, but i can't- i can't go another moment without being inside of you," leo all but whimpered against your lips. he was desperate, you always left him so whiney and so clingy.
"you're always so good to me, leo, let me take care of you," you whisper against his lips before shoving against his shoulder, pushing until he was sitting against the workbench. he looked up at you, eyes glassy with want and his hands quickly finding your waist as you climbed into his lap.
"f-fuck, baby," leo moaned as you sunk down, your head resting against his shoulder as you heaved in breathes. leo pushed his head agaisnt yours, whispering words of encouragements and praise into your ear, pressing kisses and sucking hickeys into any skin he could reach. he could feel your nails dragging and cutting across his back, leaving the poor guy reeling.
"gods, i- i don't think i can move," you mutter against leo's shoulder, following up with a few kisses and leo laughs lightly.
"my sensitive girl," he states and he could feel the reaction you had to his words, squeezing him tighter even though he didn't think you would even be able to do that, " if you keep squeezing me like that, we're gonna have problems."
"you know you can't say shit like that to me, asshole," you groan against his shoulder, solidifying your words with a circle of your hips against his, both of you moaning out at the movement. leo tightened his grip on your hips, both forcing you to move and wanting you to stop, but surely leaving you with bruises in the shape of his fingers.
"oh, so now i'm the tease? i don't think so," leo huffed, snapping his hips into yours and enjoying the way your head instantly fell back and your eyes squeezed shut.
"i- i- i don't know what you're talking about," you managed to gasp out between his thrusts and leo would have believe you, if it wasn't for the wide smirk that stretched across your lips.
"don't lie to me."
"okay- okay, i...gods- i planned it all! wore- fuck, leo, slo-slow down- i wore your fucking shirt and baggy jeans to- gods, shit- to turn you on!" you fight through your sentence, getting interrupted by your own pleasure. seeing you get off was steadily getting leo off, the boy beginning to huff under you as he steadily slammed up into you.
"fuck, you want me that bad?" taunted leo, though his voice shook on that statement.
"a- always," you moan, your whole body basically shaking, "leo-"
"i- i know. i got you, baby, i got you," leo muttered agasint your neck. you didn't need much more, instantly combusting from all the build up and nearly falling limp against leo's chest. you pushed leo over the edge, a few more thrusts before he was pulling out and finishing against his stomach with a groan. as hot as you were, you and leo did not need kids yet. you stayed nuzzled against leo's chest, both of you just trying to recover your breath.
"did you really plan it all?" leo whispered and you hummed in response, pressing a kiss to the apex of his shoulder. leo felt himself twitch at the thought, nearly growing hard at the thought of you purposefully wearing that matching red set to get his attention.
i guess that offer wasn't as innocent as he first thought.
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melodic-haze · 2 months
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☆ — DEMO TRACK: bottom!Robin (HSR) x top!Reader
☆ — GENRE: NSFW
☆ — CONTENT WARNINGS: Semi-public sex (it's in a venue green room), reader has a cock/strap
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Can't believe that my first post is Robin thirst (I say that when my acc theme is literally her 💀) but I REALLY can't stop thinking about fucking her in her private dressing room LOL
Like imagine she calls you in or smth as a form of "distraction" from "pre-performance jitters" with both of you knowing FULL WELL that she isn't nervous in the least. She's even acting the part: her eyebrows furrowed, a hand lightly tugging on the fabric of your clothes as she's asking you to stay with her
"I don't think I'd be able to get out there and sing without your help." Her eyes look at you as if she were pleading, though you've spent enough time with the singer that you easily spot the tiniest glimmer in that alluring sea of green, "Won't you care to stay a little while longer..?"
Doesn't really take long for it to go from simply talking and hanging out to bending her over on the table. All it took was a squeeze here, a graze there, and suddenly neither of you can keep your hands off each other
Could be that she's laying down on her back, legs spread and on your shoulders as you move your fingers in her to find that sweet spot that has her singing your favourite song made just for you on the fly. Could be that she's facing down as you use her wings as handlebars to keep her upright and she can see herself and her perfect image get absolutely RUINED and railed by none other than you on the mirror and her insides just clench at the sight
Her appearance is absolutely MESSED THE FUCK UP right now (the hair and makeup people are Stressing) but Robin really can't bring herself to care. Not when her brain's gone to who knows where. All that's important right now is chasing that high until she--
You hear a somewhat urgent knock on the door, your efforts stuttering at your moment's intrusion, "Miss Robin? We need to set you up in five."
You don't see or hear your pretty little angel respond, though judging by the dazed-out look on her face it's clear that.. well, it's not as if she's so dazed out that she can't begin to process the current events—it's more like she doesn't want to process it.
Apparently whoever it was didn't take the hint because the staff's voice rang past the door once again, "Miss Robin? Are you there?"
You eventually see her sigh resignedly, her eyebrows furrowed genuinely this time as she cleared her throat and answered awkwardly, putting all her strength into making sure she doesn't sound like some fucked-out mess.
"Yes, I'm fine! I'll be there on time," she let out a seemingly good-natured laugh to sell the charade, though the corners of her mouth twitched the slightest bit.. before she bit her lip as she slowly grinded herself on you. "Though careful there—worry like that and-- mm.. I might think you like me."
You hear the staff member stutter past the door before footsteps begin to scurry away. With the way your lover was just moving, you'd have thought that she wanted to continue.. but she pushes herself off of you and pulls up her panties with a small apologetic smile.
She tells you that as much as she really wanted to continue, she shouldn't. She has a job to do, and being late or skipping on a show just wouldn't do! She promises to finish things with you when she's done, and that promise comes in the form of cleaning her slick off of you and leaving a lingering kiss.. before asking you to help her with getting her appearance back to looking AT LEAST presentable LMAOOOO
It takes you both more than five minutes and the staff are baffled but it's not like you can explain it 😭😭 so have fun with the scrutinising stares 🫶
Robin's got better self-control than me I would've died if I had to perform while bricked the fuck up LOL. But trust me when I say that it's worth it when she gets off the stage and she pounces at you and begs you to finish what you started bc she deserves it as a reward after a hard day of work, right?
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entitled-fangirl · 3 months
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Two idiots in love. (P10)
Joel Miller x anemic!reader
Summary: the reader gets taken by David. And Joel will do anything to get her back.
Warnings: bruises, creepy comments, kidnapping, manipulation, name-calling, cursing
Author's note: I think 3 updates in one day is enough lmao
Masterlist
Part 1 and 11
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Y/N woke up with a labored breath.
In fact, all of her breaths were harsh and painful.
And now that she had truly came to her senses, she couldn't remember taking her medication since Jackson.
She left her medication in Jackson.
"I started worrying you wouldn't wake up."
She sat up slowly, now realizing she was laying on cold tile in a fenced in area of the room.
And she knew that voice.
David.
She hummed, trying to collect her thoughts. 
Her shivering frame no longer had her winter coat.
Her torso was just left in a tank top and Joel's flannel.
She finally managed to look up at David.
He smiled, "Tess… is it?"
Her eyebrows furrowed. "…Tess?"
He shook his head, "Apparently not." He held up the piece of paper again, "…Y/N?"
She couldn't stop the small instinctual light up of her eyes.
He smiled again, "There she is… pretty Y/N."
In David's hands was Bill's note to Joel. She remembers Joel keeping the paper, and it must have ended up in her backpack. 
"So, is Tess the girl?"
"Stop saying that fucking name."
His eyebrows rose, "Alright. Touchy subject." He set the paper down, "I just want to get to know you. Understand you? Is that alright?"
"L…Let me out."
"Well, that's certainly the goal." She saw him grimace, "Sorry for that bruising. Can't imagine it feels nice. I talked to James about it, and I truly apologize on his behalf."
The struggle to breathe.
It was the bruising on her neck from her attempted escape.
"Are you hungry?"
"Wh…why am I in a cage?"
David shrugged, "Have you ever had a pet bird, Y/N? You have to make sure it'll stay before you let it out. Otherwise, it may fly away-"
"-Fuck you."
"Or," he continued more harshly, "More realistically, a dog. You're wild. But don't worry. We'll domesticate you. Make you obedient and respectful. Let you eat the scraps off of the table. The others want to kill you. But I saved you. I can help you. Let me protect you."
She shook her head, "We both know I'm not really on my own."
"Right," he nodded, "your family. Your husband, how is he?"
"He's not my fucking husband."
"Well, I can see how much you care about him, so I know it hurts. But that part of your life, it's ending. And what I'm offering you is a beginning. But if you can't find a way to trust me, then yes. You are alone."
Y/N let out a breath, pushing herself against the wall.
"Can I ask about that?" David asked.
"About what?" She replied coldly.
"That bruise on your arm. Is that… from him?"
A bruise in the shape of Joel's fingers laid around her wrist in a deep purple. It was from cleaning his wound only yesterday, and at the time, she didn't think anything of it.
She looked up at him.
"I see." He said, "You know, people that love you- truly love you- they don't hurt you."
"How the fuck would you know about love?"
"Well, I wouldn't hurt you, Y/N."
"The same bruises are on my neck."
"Those are from James. Not me. I would never hurt you. I think you're beautiful. And beauty is meant to be treasured."
"Joel wouldn't hurt me. He's not like that."
David scoffed, "Did you see what he did to Alec at the university? Snapped his neck. You think he wouldn't do that to you?"
"No. He wouldn't." She reasoned. 
"Be serious with yourself, Y/N. That man is dangerous and cruel. You deserve someone kind and protective."
"And you think that person is you?" She scoffed.
He let out a laugh, "Of course, I wish the pretty girl likes me. Who wouldn't? But, I think that's up to you to decide."
And he left her alone with her thoughts. 
Joel was livid.
He could barely see through the red that clouded his vision.
In the scheme of things, they had somehow taken Ellie, too. 
And Joel didn't like it when people touched his things.
He continued to punch the man taped to the chair.
"Please," the man pleased, "I don't know any woman."
Joel stabbed a blade through the man's knee.
"Marco-"
"No, no, no, no" Joel said softly, "He can't help you. You focus right here. Or I'll pop your fuckin' kneecap off."
The man took a deep breath, "She's alive."
Joel nodded, "Where?"
When the man wouldn't answer, Joel twisted the man's kneecap with his bare hands.
"Fuck, fuck! The town!"
"WHAT TOWN?!" Joel yelled.
"..S…Silver Lake."
Joel pulled out a map, setting it on the man's lap.
The same map Y/N had used in Bill's truck.
"It's not a real town name," the man said out of breath, "It's a resort."
"A resort?"
Joel sighed and pulled the blade from the man's knee, shoving the handle of it in the man's mouth harshly.
"You're gonna point to where we are, and where your "resort" is. And it better be the exact same spot you buddy over there points to."
The man did as Joel commanded, then he spit the blade out, "Go ask him. He'll tell you. I'm not lying."
Joel nodded, then shoved the knife into the man's stomach with no mercy.
The other man held hostage yelled out at the violent act. "Why did you do that? He told you what you wanted! I won't tell you SHIT!"
"That's okay," Joel said calmly as he walked to him and grabbed a bat, "I believe him."
Joel swung the bat with no remorse.
Y/N was sat on the floor in a panic.
A human fucking ear laid on the ground not too far from her cage.
They were cannibals.
David came in with a plate, setting it on the ground and sliding it to the hungry woman.
But the last thing she could do was eat after seeing what laid on the ground.
He noticed her gaze and followed it, then looked back with a clenched jaw, "For what it's worth, this is just deer meat. I swear."
She let out a small cry, "Are you gonna fucking eat me?"
"I'd rather not."
"How… how could you do this?"
"There are only a few of us that know." David said, "but, I would've told you. Sooner or later."
She let out another small cry.
"It was a last resort. You think this doesn't shame me?"
She sniffled lightly and looked up at him.
David grinned slightly at the eye contact, "Your friend is no different. Didn't he take another man's life to save yours?"
"He…he was defending himself."
"No, he was defending you."
Her eyes left his as she took in his words.
"Can I tell you something? Be honest with you, Y/N? I'm just a shepherd tending to my sheep. And all I want… is someone to share it with. A friend."
"What about my friend?"
He nodded, "I can tell the others to stop looking for him. They'll spare him."
"W…what?"
"If he leaves us in peace, they will just let him go. They do what I tell them to do."
"What about my daughter?"
He smiled, "About that…"
Her heart dropped, "Where is my girl, you sick fuck?"
"JAMES!"
James walked in with Ellie in tow. Her hands were tied behind her back and she fought against the man's movements until she saw Y/N.
David smiled, "A happy reunion, indeed."
Y/N stood and approached the bars as close as she could to Ellie. "Ellie! Are… Jesus, are you alright?"
Ellie nodded.
"Let her go, David. She didn't do anything. I'm the adult here. Blame me. Just… let her go, please. Don't touch her."
The preacher sighed, "Well, I really want to, sweetheart. But… I have to domesticate the dog, remember? So, I take something that the dog loves, like…. Ellie, you said?… and I dangle her in front of the dog's nose. The dog will now do anything I say to ensure it gets what it wants."
"I'm not a dog, David."
He smiles, "No…?"
James pulls on Ellie's hair, making her cry out.
"STOP IT!" Y/N yells, "STOP! Fine! I'll do anything. Anything, please. Don't touch her!"
"C'mere then."
She approached where David stood on the other side of the bars.
His hand wandered to her cheek.
It made her remember Joel's touch.
But they were nothing alike.
David smiled, letting his voice drop to in intimate volume due to the proximity, "And now, the pretty bitch bows to her master."
He turns around, "Put the girl in there."
When Ellie is thrown into the cage, Y/N immediately takes her in her arms.
They watch the men leave the room.
"Where are you hurt?!" Y/N asked frantically.
Ellie shakes her head, "I'm fine. Just… scared."
"And Joel?"
Ellie shrugs, "I heard voices, so I did what I could to lead them from the house. Got the horse shot. I'm sorry."
She shakes her head, "I don't give a shit about the horse. You're okay, and that's all the matters."
A few hours later, the two found themselves a little more relaxed.
David had left them alone for the last 4 hours.
"Y/N?" Ellie asked. "I have something to confess…"
The woman nods, "Okay."
"It's really bad…."
"Bad as in… you killed someone? That's not exactly considered bad anymore."
"No…I… I read the note."
Y/N froze. "What note?"
"The one Joel left for you in Jackson."
Y/N didn't know what to say, "How… when did you… Ellie…?"
"I saw it when I went to the bathroom before we left. I just… I don't know. Part of me hoped that Joel had left it for me. I understand why he left one for you, but…. I couldn't help myself. And I'm sorry for reading it."
"It's fine, Ellie. Really."
Silence.
"Did you want to know what it said?"
"Well," Y/N shrugged, "that depends. Is it something I have to know?"
Ellie considered the question, then shook her head. 
"Okay then. Is it something I'd want to know?"
Ellie immediately nodded.
"Hmm. Would this information change what I have with Joel? And with you?"
Ellie frowned in thought, then nodded, "Yeah. Big time."
Y/N sighed, "Well, I don't care then. I like what I have with you and Joel. I don't want to change it. I'd rather live life not knowing anything and having you two, then to know everything in the world and live without Joel and my daughter."
Ellie let out a shuddered breath at her response.
"Joel also said he loves you."
Y/N's head shoots up, "…what?"
"I won't get into details but… it was all mushy about how much he loves you and how you ground him… all the shit he'll never say out loud."
Y/N nodded. "I see. I hope Joel is out there looking for us then."
"Me, too."
If only they knew.
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Tags: @lover-of-books-and-tea, @pedropascalfan221, @lottieellz101, @bambisweethearts, @hiroikegawa, @elliaze, @littleshadow17, @n7cje
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redflagshipwriter · 2 months
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Hot Ghouls in your area 7
masterpost
Chapter 7 
…Jason slowly put down the book and turned it cover up, shell-shocked from that interaction. He lifted his phone and took a photo. He sent it to Roy. 
“What do you see?” He typed. Jason bit his lower lip and tried not to scowl while he waited for a response. 
It wasn’t that Jason was unused to conflict. Jason was great at conflict. He won every conflict! (Almost.) But what the hell had this shit been? Why had that guy been so pissy about the book? What the hell was wrong with the book that Jason didn’t see?
“Gibberish?” Roy texted back a few minutes later. “It gives the impression of wonky Cyrillic to me. But it's got a terrible energy to it. The hell is that?”
Jason looked at the cover. To his eyes, there was a serif font declaring it Sense and Sensibility Universe D version 5. 
“Thanks,” he sent, ignoring the question and then the barrage of heart emojis. Shit, okay. 
That answered one question. But it didn't answer enough. What the fuck had that college kid been seeing that was so offensive? 
‘And why'd he think we would meet again?’ 
Jason pushed deep, deep down any awareness that he hoped it was true. That had been weird enough that it would bother him forever if he didn’t get answers.
He sort of hated the idea of getting his nosy family involved, but they would ask different and in some ways, less annoying questions than other groups he could poll. They'd know not to lie to him, at least. So he sent the picture on to the family group chat with the same question and grimly finished his tea. 
The elderly proprietor came out then and noticed that her other customer was gone. She looked confused for a moment, scanning the seat to see if his book bag was still there. She picked up the cash he'd left on the table and then started stacking dishes.
‘He’s a regular,’ Jason guessed, honing in on the opportunity to learn more. He flipped the book open but held the apparently offensive cover down towards the table, out of her line of sight. He needed to know what had gone so wrong. Jason wasn’t normally the kind of person that cute college kids had beef with.
He'd never been in this café before, his intuition had just told him to duck inside.
“I think he forgot something,” Jason offered casually, pretending to just look up from his book. “Ran out real quick in a panic.” 
The lady let out a soft “Ahhh,” of comprehension. “Something for his afternoon class, perhaps,” she agreed, looking a little happier. 
“Yeah, it looked like he was getting ready to settle in for a long study session and then he bolted,” Jason lied, watching her underneath his lashes. He had been paying a little more attention than he ought to when the guy came in. He was Jason’s type, aside from the thing where he’d hated Jason’s face for no apparent reason-
‘No, actually, everyone I’ve ever been into hated me on sight.’
Ouch. As Jason digested that embarrassing truth, the owner continued talking.
“He does that,” she agreed, apparently not thinking it was odd at all for them to talk about the habits of another customer. “Tuesdays and Thursdays. He's a sharp cookie, did you know that?” She continued, and oh, she had halfway adopted this college kid, huh? There was warmth and a hint of pride in her tone.
Jason valiantly swallowed the snort. “He looks familiar, but I don't think we have classes together,” he fished. 
“Mm, he's doing some kind of math and engineering,” the lady helpfully supplied. She gave Jason her full attention as she stood up from the table. “And you?”
“Modern language and literature,” Jason said, and sort of wished it was true. He didn't really have the time. Did he? Spoiler was a full-time student, wasn't she? …Huh.
While he chewed that over, the lady had drifted a couple steps closer.
“...Those are two meaningfully different courses?” 
“Modern language is learning additional languages, I'm doing Russian and Greek right now,” Jason lied easily. He was fluent in both already. “Literature is mostly classics, for my purposes. I'm focusing on Regency Lit.” 
She looked very interested, but she detoured away to deposit the dirty dishes behind the counter. They kept up a light conversation about books as she wiped off the table and reset for the next customer. 
When she left, he finally had the chance to check his messages. There was a full-on fight in the group chat. The last message was from Stephanie. She had tagged him and asked, “Is this an optical illusion??? Like that dress?”
Ah, fuck. Jason felt a rock settle in his stomach at the confirmation that something hinky was going on.
‘I can’t read this in public if it’s saying something I can’t control or even know.’
Fucking hell. Jason scrolled back up and checked. Damian listed the correct title. Dick saw what, ‘I thought was Greek at first.’ Stephanie might have been joking but she argued vigorously that it was pictographs that started with a bird. Drake had sent “You rediscovered Minoan Linear A? Cool.” and then not participated in any follow-up discussions. Duke had sent only a stream of confused and tearful emojis.
Cass had marked it read.
“Fair enough, I guess,” Jason muttered to himself. Resentfully he put the book back in his bag. 
What had that guy seen? If he’d just seen something foreign but illegible he wouldn’t have gotten so pissy about it. And who the hell had he been, anyway? Why was he so special?
Well. That was something to do with his afternoon. Jason paid up his bill and gave Phyllis his well-wishes for her doctor’s appointment tomorrow on the way out. Phyllis was a good contact, he would definitely come back for more of her jasmine tea no matter how mad that guy got at him.
…Jason really needed a name.
And found…
He headed to Gotham University and used the student computers to look up departments and then hack into the registrar. Jason flipped through photos until he found his guy: Danny Fenton, 19, sophomore double-major in the Engineering department. Good grades, no notes on his account about academic dishonesty or conflict.
'Little weird to meet two Dannys in a 24 hour period.'
Jason searched the guy online and found…
He let his mouth drop open in disbelief at the batshit insane website design he had stumbled into. The Fenton family had a website, apparently, and they had maybe let a 7 year old design it in 2008. The colors… The lack of centering… The.. the neon choices.
His eyes watered. It took a while to fight down his aesthetic grief and actually start comprehending the text.
He had expected this to be like, an online family newsletter. And it was! The link he had followed detailed “Danno going to college in the big city!!!” The boy himself looked extremely resigned in the attached photo. Seriously, Jason had seen much less mortified mugshots. The thing was, that on the same page, alongside posts about other kids going college (Jazzypants!) and someone called Alicia recovering from “supergout!” with "her eight favorite toes remaining!!!", there was also a lot of mention of ghosts.
Like, a lot.
Jason scrolled in pained disbelief. There were photos that showed extremely weird and dismayed green people obviously flinching away from a camera. A beautiful green woman with her hair halfway over her face snarled through a flood of smoke under the title “Wishywish Ghostie Interviewed: Learn what drives her generous heart!” and an ugly robot motherfucker was seen fleeing under the caption, “Skalker indicates that spook is a GHOST SLUR!”
….Was it a shit post? Just one long shitpost? It had to be a joke site.
Well. No. Jason buried his face in his hands and came to terms with the horrible fact that not only were ghosts real, he was accidentally married to one and this bombastic midwestern family already knew about it. This was his best lead for getting that 'beyond death do you part' separation.
They had been blasting the existence of ghosts for all the world to read, and it hadn’t been news. The Justice League didn’t know about this whole society. The journalism done by– Jason lifted his head to check– Jack Fenton interviewing clearly very unwilling ghosts was the only primary source that he knew of. 
He took a few deep breaths. He came to terms with grief. He decided to block his family from any further involvement in this shitshow, for what remained of his dignity. And he grimly noted down Jack Fenton’s email.
Jason cleared this history and closed down his tabs, feeling a decade older than he had when he had entered the library. He ignored the sultry ‘come talk to me’ eye contact that the student worker was shooting him from behind the counter as he slouched out. 
He stopped for a moment on top of the stairs to watch campus move. He saw the theatre building and the modern language headquarters from his vantage point, along with about half of the student center. There was just a trickle of foot traffic between buildings along paved paths. A few people were hanging out on blankets in the grass. An old man in a suit was taking a phone call next to a crawling rose garden. 
‘Maybe I should go to school.’
Well. After this shit was sorted out. Obviously he could not go to school before he got divorced. It would be torturous to hang out with cute boys his age and be committed to some hot dead mermaid who didn’t even wanna make out with him sloppy. Loser shit on absolutely every level, goddamn.
Jason shoved his hands in his pockets and jogged down the stairs. He kept an eye out for Danny, but had no luck.  
Not that he cared. It was interesting that he had a lead: Danny clearly had some connection to ghosts, and he had been able to read… 
‘Maybe he realized it was a ghost’s property and he thought I stole it?’ Jason realized in a stroke of inspiration. That made more sense. If he knew enough to recognize it as ghost language or whatever, then he might have felt affronted about Jason having it.
He went through his mental checklist to pick out what he did and didn’t know. Once he felt he had a hang on his priorities, he beelined to his own laptop in his favorite safehouse and started looking into the Fentons in more depth.
It was a great lead. It was suspiciously good, in fact, he thought as he found Jack Fenton’s online family newsletter again. What were the odds that he would run into Danny Fenton in a cafe that Jason had never even been in before? It had been a total fluke that he’d entered. He’d been walking past to a favorite place and then just had the urge to try the dark little family cafe.
‘…Ah, fuck’, Jason sighed. More ghost shit. It had to be. Something about Danny Fenton’s ghost shit had registered to him now that he’d been exposed to ghost central.
321 notes · View notes
ghost-proofbaby · 10 months
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DO YOU WANNA BE FRIENDS? (a barista!eddie x barista!reader au)
summary: eddie really hates being on bar. Especially during morning rush. When you not only notice his impending breakdown, but do something about it, he realizes that the two of you might be capable of being more than just coworkers.
warnings: ONE use of "y/n", fem!reader (use of she/her pronouns), description of being overstimulated/extremely anxious
wc: 4.5k
a/n: shoutout to all the friends that let me make them fellow victims of the siren <3 also thank you to everyone who showed love the first one shot! i didn't expect that at all so it means the world. hopefully with this part, it makes more sense what i meant by little slices of life! the masterlist will always have the individual one shots listed chronologically.
the full menu
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Bar was Eddie’s own personal Hell when he first started. It was chaotic, it was fast paced, and it was simply too much to deal with first thing in the morning (especially on the sparse few hours of sleep he functioned off of). 
He was much better put to use on DTO. Taking orders, stalling perfectly so that whoever was on food could get a jump start, cracking plenty of jokes all while still always perfectly reciting back the customer’s drinks. He thrived on DTO. Even when he would be assigned to “one-manning” drive, which simply meant he handled both taking orders and handing them out the window, he was clearly one of the best.
Nicole knew this. Meg knew this. All the shifts knew this — except the newest shift, Gale, apparently.
Because this morning, a major fuck up had occurred. 
Gale was going over his floor plan for the peak rush, explaining who would be in which position, and Eddie knew something was up the moment you shot him a concerned look from across the room. Initially, it was actually funny, the way your eyes so quickly found his and your nose scrunched microscopically. But by the time Gale had made his rounds to Eddie, he understood that the reaction you’d given him the privilege to witness had not been just something cute – it had been a siren going off from across the store, your attempt to forewarn him of the impending chaos and doom. 
Since that first opening, Eddie has been lucky. Just as he had hoped for, that morning wasn’t the last time he saw you. In fact, he sees so much of you on a weekly basis, he’s sure the Universe is playing a sick joke. It was bound to happen; there’s only so many people who are willingly to be openers (for obvious reasons), and you were one of those brave soldiers. He took Nicole’s advice to heart, he decided to let you slip into pace beside him on the front lines, and he’d been reaping the benefits. 
You’re kind, you’re funny, you make the time pass. You make Eddie feel like the two of you might be friends, or at least could be. And it wasn’t the fake kind of niceties that some of the other baristas would extend only from the moment they clocked in to the moment they clocked out. Your sweetness towards him lasted long past being on the clock. In the parking lot in the early mornings, in the lobby after your shift as the two of you solicited just to get a few more jokes in with Nicole. You’d wait for him and walk out to his car with him. You learned how he likes his coffee, and sometimes made him his preferred drink amidst your opening tasks, only handing it over with a smile and charming, “Drink up, Munson. You’re gonna need it to keep up with me today.” 
God, he fucking liked you. 
A month of openings all tallied up to this moment now, in which you’d just opened him up to the possibility of private, silent conversations in a crowded room. He’d never been on the receiving end of that before. Usually, he was the outsider as glances in a secret language were exchanged. 
Not anymore. Not now that you had your sights set on him. 
“Hey, Eddie,” Gale approaches him slowly, a friendly enough smile on his face. He’d transferred here from another store a few weeks ago, “So, game plan for today’s peak.”
The words lay it on me are on the tip of Eddie’s tongue, but they stick to the roof of his mouth instead. He wasn’t that quick on his toes with most people at work. Half the time, he’s lucky he’s managed any banter with you. 
Blandly, Gale explains how Marissa will be on cafe bar. “And then, I’m going to put myself over on front and warming, try to keep myself flexible for you guys. I’ll have you, Y/N, and Ash run drive today.” 
Eddie pales a little, and just as your eyes had immediately sought out his, he’s looking right over Gale’s shoulder to find you peeking out from around the corner, already in position. “Yeah?” 
“Yeah!” Gale is oblivious to Eddie’s nerves, “I’ll have you bar, she’ll be your DTO. It’ll be great, you guys are going to kill it.” 
The only thing dying will be our drive times. 
Gale leaves with a quick, encouraging smack to Eddie’s shoulder, telling him to go ahead and head over to the small nook that’s designated for the drive thru as he ‘splits the bars’ – changing the system so that tickets for cafe and mobile orders will expel out from the printer that sits atop the bar facing the front of the store, while any drive thru orders print on the bar hidden there. 
Eddie is in his own personal Hell. Actually, he’s in his own worst conundrum. 
On one hand, he’s thrilled to be able to spend the day in this corner with you. Plenty of times, Nicole will assign you to bar and Eddie to take orders or greet customers on the window, and it’s wonderful. Forced proximity due to the set up of the store, easy conversation during lulls, and abundance of inside jokes shouted between customers. He loves it. But he only loves it because he’s not the one busting out those drinks, already starting on the next iced caramel macchiato as the customer at the speaker box has hardly finished announcing it as their drink of choice. He loves seeing you in your element; you’re quick, fast and always on your own rhythm that keeps those damn drive times that corporate care about so much under a minute. Eddie could never do that – he could never average thirty second wait times, especially when so many customers order so many drinks. 
Today is not his ideal situation. He will be the one trying to juggle all those drinks, trying to find a pace that works for both him and the customers and fucking corporate. 
“You good?” you whisper the moment he steps up around the corner and up to the bar, turning and facing you. Your mirror images of one another – both of you have your lower backs pressed to sticky counters, leaning with arms crossed and already looking defeated before the rush has even begun. 
“I’m gonna fuck it all up,” he blurts out quietly, the girl who will be on window - Ashleigh, Ash for short – not quite joining you two in the corner yet. “Our times are going to suck so badly.” 
If it were anyone else, he would have just shrugged the question off. He would have smiled politely. But it’s you, still bleeding sunshine even after being back from vacation for a full month, and still offering him a reassuring smile even as his pessimism hangs around the space like a dark cloud. 
“Fuck the times,” you immediately say, and he laughs a little, eyes widening in shock at how serious you look right now, “You know what? I think our store has been doing a little too good. I’ve always wanted to see if we could get it up to a five minute window time. Are you down to test my theory today?” 
He can’t help but fully throw his head back at that, smile wide, no laughter audibly escaping him but he can feel it fizzing in his chest. He used to hate that, especially during his first shift with you – the way you could seemingly make him feel so much better about this entire situation. Now he’s just grateful. If he has to stand on the deck of a sinking ship on this terrible Tuesday morning, he’s so glad he’s going down with you. 
It’s the worst moment for Ash to appear between the two of you, looking wildly confused as she asks, “Did you just say five minute window times?” 
You throw your head back, and the laugh that leaves you is the prettiest sound Eddie has ever heard. The fizzling chuckles in his chest burst, and Ash only looks at the two of you as if you were certifiably insane. 
Oh, yeah. He’s very glad that this is the ship he will go down in. 
Famous last words. Not even an hour into peak, Eddie is biting down on every positive thought you had fooled him into entertaining. His jaw aches with both stress and regret as his knuckles sting from burning himself again with the steam wand. Honestly, he thinks he burnt himself less his first time on warming, and he still has a scar on his pinky from those damned ovens. 
“We’re just waiting on a-” Ash starts to say to him when she turns and lets the window close, effectively sealing them off from the customer. 
“A grande hot americano, I know,” Eddie cuts her off. He didn’t mean to snap, but his irritation is getting the better of him. An impending meltdown is already crawling beneath his skin due to overstimulation and stress. 
Yeah, he really hates bar. 
When the newest green bean meekly adds on, “With cream and two sugar,” Eddie prepares himself to scream into oblivion. 
Until you interfere. 
He’s just taken his first breath, shallow and vapid as he glares at Ash, when one of your hands comes down on his shoulder, the other carefully slipping the cup that only needs to have hot water added to it from  his grasp and into yours. 
“I can finish this off for you,” you sweetly insist, leaning forward so that your face fills the minimal space between him and Ash, “That okay?”
Something flashes in your eyes. It isn’t the same look any of your other coworkers send him when he’s falling behind, when he feels like he’s drowning in this position. It doesn’t feel as though you’re insisting on finishing the drink out of impatience, a desperate last call to speed Eddie along like some sort of machine, but instead as though you’re genuinely trying to help him. 
And your hand. It’s still on his shoulder, curling carefully as he finally can feel the way your thumb is sweeping back and forth over his shoulder blade. Such a soothing motion, it nearly makes him cry. Between your thumb and hand, your gentle eyes, your sweet perfume that cuts through the nauseating smell of coffee – all of it makes him just want to throw in the towel, step off the bar, and let you hug him while he’s a giant crybaby. He knows you’re the only one here who wouldn’t judge him. He’s witnessed first hand several other coworkers do almost exactly that, as a matter of fact. 
He was still secretly jealous of your coworker Sam and the day that she’d been on the verge of her own breakdown, still had the image of the way you’d softened when you caught sight of her genuine tears and just pulled her into your arms. 
He swears he isn’t down bad as some of the kids would call it. He wasn’t special – everyone wanted hugs from you. 
“That’s fine,” he answers after far too many precious seconds have slipped away between you two, the customer at the window momentarily forgotten. His voice is thick with emotion and he has to blink several times just to eat away at that impending breakdown once more. 
Just make it another few hours. Another few hours, and you can scream and cry all you want in the van. You can lose your damn mind if you so please, if you make it another few hours.
He has to remind himself of this over and over as he lets you finish off that fucking americano, and he takes a few consecutive stickers of nothing but frappucinos. He doesn’t even know the time, but it might be better that way. 
He doesn’t even realize the way you’re still watching him so carefully, and so full of concern. 
Suddenly, though, your voice sounds over the headsets — this time, without a car at the speaker box. You’ve clicked for the private channel, meant just for communication between any of the baristas wearing a headset.
“Hey, Gale?” you sweetly say. 
Eddie finishes the drink he’s working on with shaking hands.
Gale takes several seconds until he finally answers you from where he is in the back, “What’s up?”
“Can we switch up the floor a little bit?” Eddie’s stomach twists immediately, the burn of betrayal causing his shoulders to tense without facing you. Cool. Great. She noticed. She’s doing something about it. She’s about to throw me under the bus. Whatever. “I’m getting tired of DTO, starting to kind of stutter and I can’t hear the customers clearly anymore because my brain is melted.” 
That he didn’t expect. It’s subtle, and a little white lie. You hadn’t been stuttering. Any mishearings were laughed off easily. You were constantly buying Eddie more time to get a head start on the drinks.
You weren’t requesting a switch for your sake.
Gale sighs over the channel, mumbling your name before saying, “It’s the middle of peak, we can’t-“
“What if me and Eddie just switch?” he finally turns to face you at your suggestion. You’re not quite looking at him with pity, but understanding. You’d been there before — overwhelmed and panicked on bar, left out to sea without anyone to throw you an anchor. And you could recognize an anxiety attack from a mile away. “The customers always like him better anyways. And he has better suggestions for drinks-“ 
You’re blatantly lying. You knew Eddie was more comfortable on DTO. You knew he could handle that, even on his bad days. He almost gives in to his urge to hug you out of sheer relief.
“I- Fine. Yeah, that’s fine.” 
Once Gale agrees, you’re instantly logging out of your partner number and sweeping your arm out dramatically for Eddie to take your place at the order screen with a small smile. He moves forward slowly, finally feeling like he can breathe as you walk up to the bar. 
You didn’t need a break from DTO. You’d thrown yourself under the bus to offer him some relief. 
Wordlessly, the two of you transition into your new positions, and it immediately becomes obvious that it was more ideal. You barrel through drinks all while wearing a smile, and although Eddie stays a bit reserved in his interactions with customers as his anxiety settles, he still shows off all his strong suits. Stalling customers with idle chat, lying about checking to see if something was in stock so you could pull extra shots, repeating back drinks multiple times to make sure you heard it correctly. 
It’s seamless. The times that corporate cares about dwindle down to better match the day’s goal, and Eddie’s chest finally loosens. 
You didn’t have to do that. Anyone else wouldn’t have done that.
When the rush has finally passed, both you and Eddie finally in the final stretch of an hour until your shifts end, he finds the nerve to bring it up.
You’re wiping down counters, humming under your breath, when he clears his throat awkwardly, “Uh, thank you. For earlier.” 
“Why are you thanking me?” you ask nonchalantly, shrugging as you stop pretending to be busy, “I really was tired of DTO-“ 
“No, you weren’t,” he stops you from defending your lie, “You… you’re amazing at DTO. Better than me by a landslide.” 
Your entire expression softens from that constant joy and constant reassurance. But the glow of your kindness doesn’t erase with the relaxing of your cheeks. If anything, it simmers and only reaches Eddie even more potently.
You relay your next words with careful consideration, “I’m really not, Eddie. It’s not a competition. I.. do enjoy DTO, but you were stressed. And Gale wasn’t about to change his floor without someone saying something.” 
“If it had been anyone else, they would have told me to suck it up,” he points out.
“But it wasn’t anyone else. It was me, and I don’t think any of us should have to spend our shifts suffering.” 
You leave off a very important detail that you aren’t quite ready for Eddie to be privy to yet — if it had been anyone else, you wouldn’t have caved so quickly. You actually probably also would have told anyone else to suck it up, albeit still in a light-hearted and encouraging tone. You would have offered extra help, you would have tried to make jokes to ease the anxiety, but you wouldn’t have just thrown yourself under the bus. 
And yet, when it comes to him, you find yourself going soft. Any affirmativeness that you use during your training, that you usually persist with having with new hires, has melted. 
You hated seeing him so stressed. 
“You know,” Eddie’s nervous to say his next words, but they’re true, “You’re probably my favorite coworker.” 
Your smile is back, radiant and comforting. Eddie’s pride swells that it was his hand that ignited that bit of flame back into you. 
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.” 
You’re like a child, looking down bashfully and fiddling with the edges of your apron. He’s sure that any second now, you might start swaying side to side, that your pupils might form into absolute hearts. You visualize exactly how it feels every time he sees that yellow Jeep parked in the lot. 
You bite your lip to break from your shy spell, leaning towards him with a summer glint to your eyes, “Don’t tell anyone, but I’m starting to think you’re my favorite too, Munson.” 
A conglomeration of the past month – it feels as though it all comes to a rise in this moment, hitting an unimaginable peak, and he isn’t scared of a sudden drop. There will be no veering or falling down from these heights, no sudden lack of friendliness. He knows it surely the longer he stares into your eyes. If anything, maybe this is actually just a beginning. 
“Yeah, sure,” he snorts, unable to contain himself, “I doubt that, Sunshine.” 
The nickname slips out without much thought, but he doesn’t even have time to panic – your grin is painfully wide as you lift a brow. “Wanna bet?”
“Never took you as a gambler.”
“John rubbed off on me.” 
He twists his face, holding back any sexual innuendos, and that’s when it happens. Your mouth falls open, realizing the dirty joke he’s biting down on, and you gasp dramatically. Your hand flies out without second thought, smacking him on his shoulder. 
A smack. That’s what breaks the seal between the two of you. A joking smack on the shoulder at a crude innuendo, and suddenly the unspoken and terribly awkward boundary that should always exist between coworkers is shattered. 
“I lied,” you try to deadpan, but you can’t stop smiling at Eddie’s withheld laughter, “Oh my God, fuck you. That’s gross! You’re officially my least favorite coworker.”
“Yeah, but I bet John’s your favorite customer, right?” 
He’s able to block your second attempt at a slap this time, now close enough that he smells your perfume and sweet shampoo. Smells whatever lotion you use, that lingering and stubborn fragrant chai syrup that’s dried on your arms. You’re giggling shamelessly as you wrestle your wrist out of his grip. He swears, if you’d let him, his fingertips would stay pressed there on your pulse until the two of you conjoined in some twisted way. Like overgrown roots taking back control of abandoned buildings, you’d wrap around him and his ridiculous insinuations. He’d die a happy man. He’s already about to die a happy man as he feels your heart racing, and he almost convinces himself that you feel it too. 
God, Eddie really liked you. He doesn’t care anymore, he’s willing to admit it to himself at the very least. He fucking likes you. He’d be a fool not to. 
His fingers are still wrapped around soft skin when suddenly, Gale rounds the corner, and clears his throat. 
“I, um-” his eyes zero in on the space left behind as Eddie drops your wrist, and you’re quick to tuck it behind your back. It’s as if the two of you are children who have been caught doing something you shouldn’t have been. Eddie shoves his own burning fingertips into the pocket of his apron, “I just wanted to say you guys did good today. It’s- uh, you’re both off. So… yeah. Um, good job today.” 
Eddie gets second hand embarrassment from Gale’s stuttering, but you look like you might burst into laughter at any moment. Not teasing chuckles or cruel mockery, but the kind of laughter that occurs when two friends are in trouble, and they avoid each other’s gazes during their scolding in the fear of laughing at an inopportune moment. 
You won’t look his way. It’s exactly that. 
“Thanks,” Eddie forces out, seemingly satisfying Gale as he just nods and scurries off. 
Once you two are left alone in the corner again, you finally look at him and burst into that building laughter. 
Sunshine is fitting for you, he decides, as your laughter fills his lungs with the sun and more. 
“So, you don’t live near the store?” you ask, scrunching up your nose cutely as you walk side by side with Eddie across the parking lot towards your cars. Both of you had been eager to get out of the store after Gale’s fiddly dismissal. 
Eddie shakes his head, pulling the straw of his free drink from his mouth, “Nah, twenty minutes out.” 
He’d gotten a caramel frappuccino, emphasis on a blasphemous amount of drizzle, and Ash had nearly castrated him with a glare as she had bustled away on bar. You’d only snorted under your breath and asked for a water. 
“Really?” you stop dead in your tracks, in the center of the parking lot. Eddie can’t lie – it makes him nervous. If any of the usual asshole drivers that usually speed through here decided to arrive, they’d hit you. He has half the mind to reach out and grab your hand, to tug you over to the safe space between the two of your cars, “No way – I live twenty minutes away.” 
He swears his stomach falls to the pavement below, “You live in Hawkins?” 
No. It can’t be possible. He refuses to believe that you could live so close, that you would have been residing so near him this entire time and it took a miserable opening job at some out-of-the-way coffeeshop for him to meet you. You cannot be in Hawkins. Not fucking possible.
“Oh, no,” you shake your head, finally walking over to that space Eddie had deemed safe. The shade from your Jeep stretches only about half way to his van as the sun gets closer to settling into the center of the sky, “Opposite direction.”
“Damn.” 
He can’t help the disappointment; yes, his stomach had dropped at the prospect of having spent years already circling around meeting you, but it’s his heart that sinks as you reveal the actual distance between the two of you. 
At least this means you don’t know anything about his reputation in his hometown. 
“That would’ve been cool, though, right?” you stop and turn to him, kicking as a few of the pebbles on the ground, “If I just so happened to live, like, next door to you or something.”
It would have been Eddie’s innocent crush’s dream come true. To find out his sunny coworker was also his goddamn neighbor.
“Yeah,” he tries to hide his disappointment, continuing on with a shrug, “But if we’re gonna be neighbors, it’s probably better that I live next door to you.” 
You look up at him questioning, “Can I… ask why?” 
“I live in a trailer park.” 
He shouldn’t be handing this information over so easily. He’s one step away from dumping all his childhood traumas onto you. 
And he knows that the others joke that it’s normal, and that there've been many heartfelt conversations on the floor between rushes. But something about this feels more personal – it doesn’t feel like two coworkers just comparing old wounds or exchanging living situations. It feels like two friends just getting to know each other. 
He never would have admitted that to anyone else that works with the two of you. 
You don’t even react, just shrugging as he had to brush off his disappointment. There’s no pity, no disgust. No judgment. It’s just a new piece of the puzzle that is Eddie. 
“Fair enough,” you settle on replying before it looks as if you’ve had a sudden revelation. Eddie swears he sees the lightbulb go off over your head, “You know, no one else knows where I live.”
He finds that hard to believe. They all adore you too much, surely your coworkers would be fumbling over themselves to find out as much about you as they can.
“Really?”
“Really. No one’s ever asked me. And it’s… never really come up.” 
Something about holding this rare piece of information about you makes Eddie want to jump for joy. He wants to hold it close to his chest, tuck it away for safe keepings. He doesn’t really know why. 
But he’s on his way to figuring it out as he says, “I guess it’s not something coworkers really talk about, huh? Probably more friends territory.” 
A slight fib, because plenty of the other baristas have overshared that type of information. The ones that talk too much, that never seem to take a breath or leave a space for people like yourself or Eddie to really insert yourselves into the conversations.
He’d noticed that. You talk quite a bit too, but never about yourself. Always encouraging information out of other people, remembering the little details they share, but it’s never an even exchange. He used to think it was a choice you made, but he’s suddenly wondering if it’s because no one ever cared to listen. 
“I guess so,” you hum. You two should part ways. You climb into your Jeep, Eddie hop into his van. And maybe you’d sit in your respective idle vehicles for a second, even look at each other through tinted windows and make silly faces. But this should be the beginning of the end of your day together. Someone has to leave; one of you should leave. Instead, you just tilt your head curiously at Eddie, and he knows why now he wants to hold you so near and dear and safely as you ask him, “Well, in that case, do you wanna be friends?” 
And – yeah. Eddie does want to be friends. As a matter of fact, he might want to even be more than friends eventually. But for now, this offering is enough. 
He thinks you’ve rubbed off a little on him, because he must be bleeding a little bit of sunshine as he says, “Absolutely.”
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sethsclearwater · 9 months
Note
Hi, could you please write a poly embry x paul x reader imagine where reader is getting dp’ed and they both end up knotting her, they’re concerned but she’s absolutely loving it.
"fuck i'm gonna-" embry groaned, unable to finish his sentence as he snapped his hips up into yours as he came and paul apparently had the same problem because he made the same decision as embry, both of them unintentionally shoving their knots inside of your incredibly overstimulated pussy.
you let out a loud whine as you were pulled out of your own high at the sudden stretching sensation, "embry-" you whimpered loudly, pressing your hands down on his chest as you moved to sit up, eliciting loud groans from both boys.
"fuck, fuck-" paul started, both him and embry suddenly getting pulled down from their own highs as well as they realized what they'd done, "princess lay down on embry," paul ordered, pressing his hand between your shoulder blades so he could push you down onto your other imprinter who was quick to wrap his arms around you and hold you in place.
"hey pretty thing," embry murmured, clearly doing his best to not freak you out despite the concerned look he had all over his features, "sit still for a minute for us, yea?" he asked softly, both boys clearly convinced they'd accidentally hurt you with their knots.
both boys had knotted you on separate occasions, generally saving it for your more intense or particularly passionate sessions, but today they seemed to lose enough control that they both managed to knot you at the same time.
despite the initial stretch and discomfort you felt, it was quick to feel good and even a bit soothing as you felt their warm releases coating your stretched walls, "'m okay," you murmured, peeking up at embry as you let out a soft giggle, slowly getting over your initial shock of the whole thing, "promise," you added after a moment, offering embry a small smile that he hesitantly returned.
"it doesn't hurt?" embry asked softly, sliding his hands up and down your sides as both boys waited for you to respond to them.
you shook your head, "only did for a minute," you explained, "feels kinda nice," you added with a giggle, letting out a happy sigh as both boys noticeably relaxed.
"okay," embry murmured, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead, "well let's all lay down for a bit then, yea? we're probably gonna be like this for a while and i don't want you getting uncomfy," he explained, looking over your shoulder at your other imprinter who nodded, seeming to agree with embry's decision.
paul slid his hands down to your hips as both boys slowly shifted so they were laying down on either side of you, making sure not to move their hips too much for fear of hurting you. once they got situated and were sure you were comfortable, they seemed to relax a bit more, "i'm sorry we did that," embry murmured after a moment, seeming genuinely apologetic as paul offered your hip a squeeze, silently letting you know that he seconded embry's comment, "we should've given you more of a heads-up," he added with a soft sigh, gently running his fingers up your side to thread into your hair.
you shook your head, letting out a quiet giggle, "promise i don't mind it," you reassured, leaning forward to press a gentle kiss to his lips before peeking over your shoulder and giving paul a kiss as well, "it feels nice, like having you two so close," you added with another giggle, both boys letting out breathy laughs at your comment.
"whatever you say princess," paul mused, a teasing tone to his voice that had you and embry letting out soft laughs, "do you wanna put something on while we wait? or do you just wanna cuddle?" he asked after a moment, rubbing slow circles against your hip as he waited for your response.
you thought about it for a moment, peeking up at embry to see if he had any thoughts which, by the look on his face, he didn't have any so you decided to go with what you wanted, "can we put on that movie you were talking about the other day? wanted to watch that tonight anyways," you asked softly as you turned to look over your shoulder at paul who nodded, pressing a quick kiss to your lips before he was reaching for the remote to get the movie on while the three of you waited for their knots to go down.
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mostlymarvelgirl · 11 months
Text
Imagine If Magneto's *Private Moment* With You Was Released Into The Internet (Fem! Reader)
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WARNING: MATURE CONTENT IG?
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Erik sighed. This wasn't supposed to happen at all. On one hand, he really didn't mind, knowing that at some point, this would happen due to his fame in mutant politics, but on the other hand he didn't want you to be shown to the entire world like this in a private scenario.
The things you would have to face in public, what you would have to go through. While being deep in thought about how to deal with the scenario, a door with you running inside crying angrily. The door was slammed closed.
"Did you know? Did you know that someone motherfucking asshole recorded us having sex and released it? It's apparently the hottest sextape released in the century.', you screamed at him as if you were accusing him.
He felt guilty. Of course, he would never show that, but he ended up with a comment catastrophic enough to ruin the rest of his personal life. Not that he meant what he said, but clearly not thinking through.
"Well, I warned you not to try anything new and kinky. You should've listened.", Erik said immediately, regretting what came out of his mouth.
"What?", your voice became small, not being able to believe what he said.
Before he could apologize and explain, and your anger clouded mind lost patience, the ring from your was thrown into the sink, and you turned your heels walked out the door.
****3 Months Later****
"As we recall the recent steamiest s*xtape of magneto and his wife released into internet which gained over 3.8 billion views has been deleted by the cyber crime from all platforms. The culprits had been caught but died in an accident. Was it planned by Magneto? Or was it just an accident? I'm Sarah Moon reporting in six o clock evening news and I'll see you tomorrow."
The TV was switched off.
Y/N sighed. She knew who killed them and knew Erik wouldn't be arrested. She should've known that Erik was not good expressing and should've seen the expression. She regretted throwing the ring he made for her. She regretted what she had done.
"Regretting some past actions, I suppose?", the sarcastic voice spoke up.
Of course, it would Charles Xavier showing up behind her. That annoying British accent.
"For the record, my accent once wooed your husband to my bedroom, so I would take it as a jealousy or compliment coming from you.", Charles replied while sticking his hair back.
"What do you want?", you ask him with annoyance. You didn't want to aggravate your guilt more than it already was.
Charles smiled. That bitch. You knew, well, everyone knew, if they were in trouble and needed to solve the problem quickly, Charles would do the *smile*, and it'll be like it never happened.
"You're not wiping the entire world's memory about this, that's damn near impossible and dangerous.", you replied to his reaction.
"Well, it is for the better. Think about it. Or well, I should say actually, discuss about it.", Charles wheeled back slowly and opened the door.
"What are you-", you were cut off with Erik standing outside the door soaking wet with...............blood.
Silence.
There was no sound. All, the both of you wanted to do was to reach to one another and cry, Apologize, and comfort, but, the ego and guilt in both of you prevented all the bottled emotions and feelings of 3 months.
"Well, I will be leaving and give the both of you sone privacy. I'll be waiting right outside. Let me know when you've decided.", Charles said while wheeling out and closed the door.
"Hi."
That was it to pull the trigger inside you.
"WHAT THE FUCK YOU MEAN BY SAYING HI???!!! YOU COCK-SUCKING, TWAT-WAFFLED SON OF A MOTHERFUCKING BITCH-ASS- HATTED CUNT! YOU'RE FUCKING KILLING AGAIN???!!! HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED CLEAN THIS MESS UP?!!!", you blasted at him.
"Listen i-", Erik was cut off.
"NO. YOU LISTEN, YOU LITTLE DICK! I DON'T FUCKING CARE ABOUT THE TAPE. OKAY?!", you stated before he could ask.
You started to tear up and your voice broke and became small and vulnerable.
"I don't want you to kill around people. We could've done this together. I don't care what other say about me. Please j-just stop.", you started to cry.
Erik walked near you and hugged you tightly as you hugged him back.
He apologized to you and held you. You felt a something slip in your ring finger. You smiled and cried more realizing how horrible you must have looked.
"Y'know, you smell really bad like some old metal furniture. You need to get showered.", you pushed him away for fun.
"We could shower toge-", Erik got cut off.
"NO. Absolutely not.", you stated while laughing.
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jazzyblusnowflake · 3 months
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I saw your post about your Nuzi headcanons and I have to say THEY ARE ADORABLE!
But it got me thinking, do you have any Vuzi headcanons?
I don't why but I've become obsessed with them in the past while and I wanted to know if you had any ideas for them since you made that incredible Vuzi comic a while back.
oh jeesums, i didn't really expect people to like my HCs enough for it to get over a hundred likes 😭😭😭💕
but yesss id love to take a swing at writing down my subconsciously decided vuzi headcanons too XD so lessee-
Some Vuzi Headcanons i got òvó:
[once again only the drone version ones and as sfw as i can manage lmao sorry asddjfkdfl-]
This version being for AFTER everything is over with and V is ALIVE //or I'm going for Liam's neck personally//- but whether she's with N too or not is for your own interpretation, cuz for ME personally she gets with Uzi AFTER N and Uzi were already a thing together-
Starting a bit similar to the previous HCs, unlike with N, Uzi and V looooooooooooove calling eachother names- ranging from pet names to petty insults, they very hardly call each other their actual names lmao; and Uzi is probably the ONLY person that could get to call V pet names or flirt with her and get away unscathed- V has very little tolerance for anyone else. when actually trying to be intimate or flirty- Uzi loves calling V "Kitty" [cliche i know] and its one of the more acceptable pet names that V allows, but sometimes Uzi goes for pet names to actually make V blush and feel flustered, and those are usually from Uzis more compassionate side since V is allergic to romance apparently 🙄. calling V things like "my pretty", "gorgeous", "you wild thing"- drives V up the wall and she's stuck between wanting to bite Uzi's face off or rip her own off- and likewise when V wants to fluster Uzi she has her own range of heat fueled pet names like "baby bat/batsy", "cutie", "my little snacc"- and overall their job is to try and drive eachother insane lmao. less romantic names on both their sides would be=> [Uzi]: fatty, insufferable nutcase, dumb boob// [V]: shorty, edgy toaster, lil freakshow- and etc etc. TLDR: names.... they call eachother alot of names. that's it lmao.
They have a more avoidant relationship, where N and Uzi would seek comfort in one another, Uzi and V realize when the other isn't feeling well they need space to let off steam and trust one another enough that the other will come to them when they are ready. this isn't the most perfect way to deal with things given they are usually on a time crunch and need to get over their traumas quickly, but in the end they both know they are there for eachother when it matters the most.
teasing.... they do alot of that- although one would argue that V is the only one winning here 😭. V would not let the subject of Uzi being short go- if there's any moment that she could make the joke, she will not let the opportunity pass- anything relating to flustering or embarrassing Uzi absolutely goes- its not uncommon for N to walk in on the two fighting while V is just laughing and cooing at the other that she's just a cute lil baby while Uzi is trying her best to strangle the other without actually harming her. but then Uzi says that V is just a big dumb boob cuz that's all she could see from her pov and N is desperately trying to keep himself from laughing in the background-
V loves picking up Uzi.... that's it... she would never admit it out loud, but holding Uzi up, whether on her back or holding her from the front and feeling Uzi cling to her for support gives her immense internal joy, even if she doesn't show it in her expression. she often prefers picking Uzi up when they make out and this works in both their favors too cuz Uzi loves being taller lmao.
V wouldn't admit it but she is terrified of Uzi getting angry. like actually, genuinely, furiously LIVID level of angry Uzi is enough to make V curl her tail between her legs and just step away slowly. and Uzi.... when Uzi is mad, she talks sickeningly sweet to V. that's how V knows its time to fucking RUN or PERISH.
V is a lot more traumatized than N from Cyn's influence. during her comatosed state she can still vividly remember all the things Cyn had done to her in her mindspace, the same way N got to see all of his own mangled bodies in his own headspace, but unlike N she remembered all of it, hence why she turned into a neurological murder bot. So while she is with the others shes often scared opening up emotionally, and to fix this Uzi tries to force her for some cuddle times. don't get me wrong sometimes both N and Uzi have to literally WRESTLE V til she no longer has energy to fight back just to drag her in the cuddle pile. she usually doesn't talk much and even more rarely breaks down into crying but she's secretly grateful of having Uzi to sometimes force her into things she should do more often in order to heal, and one of those is learning to trust again.
V and Uzi have sparring sessions every now and then- tho sometimes V fights dirty- if you catch my drift lmao- and Uzi is weak for that shit, sadly 😔 Uzi finds herself contemplating her life choices when V is constantly giving her new kinks to consider smhhhh. it doesnt help that V doesnt treat Uzi as weak or breakable, she goes all out and Uzi is thankful to her about it. tho N would not touch this particular catfight between two wild ladies with a 100ft pole- [which would probably be the distance he's standing and watching from...just in case...]
funny enough most of their arguments end with makeout sessions. N cant tell if this is their way of flirting from the start or their way of making up after a fight....
V is secretly protective of Uzi, not interfering when Uzi is dealing with someone but standing a few steps behind her, brandishing her claws just in case, to send an obvious message.
V is absolutely rough when trying to be intimate. Uzi needs lots of energy to heal from bite marks but they always make sure the other is comfortable about it. but when Uzi is soft and gentle with her and focuses on being reassuring and loving towards her, V's a flustered incoherent mess-
despite being the more avoidant one, V is usually the one who initiates any intimacy- [mostly because Uzi is too short or busy or embarrassed to do so 🙄] and when she gets needy, Uzi feels internally giddy as though a cat has chosen her or something-
Uzi likes to ask V sometimes of any HAPPY memories she had back at the mansion.
OKAY- damn that was LOOOOOONG- hope these are good enough- i had a lot of fun writing them :D
once again, left out any nsfw hcs 😇 enjoy the dumpster fire lesbiams-
i also tried my best to leave out the N x Uzi x V headcanons so it would seem more specifically for Vuzi :"3
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marvelmymarvel · 1 year
Text
Sleepy Babies
Kakashi Hatake x NarutoMotherFigure!Reader
Synopsis: Ever since Obito died, Kakashi has been staying the night. It was for comfort, but as the years went on it blossomed into something more.
Naruto Masterlist: Here
A/n: this is pure hurt/comfort and NOT smut, especially in the first two parts, as they are children, and it's supposed to be sweet and innocent. Some kissing is mentioned in the parts where they are 18 or older. The timeline of this story starts when they are 11 (when Obito dies). And apparently, that timeline is messy in the Fandom, so I'm just going to act like Kakashi, and the reader is three years younger than Obito.
Ps: This fic ties in with most of my other Kakashi x NarutoMotherFigure fics (minus "Crawling Back to Me").
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- 11 Years Old -
A knock sounded on your window, causing you to jump off your bed in excitement. Running to the window, you smiled brightly at the boy that slowly was becoming your bestest friend in the whole world. He slid up the window and started to step into the room, but you shushed him as he landed a little too hard. "You have to be quiet. I don't want my parents to know I'm sneaking friends in here."
He nodded at that before moving stealthily towards your bed.
You giggled as he sat cross-legged on the mattress, eyes wide as he took in your room. Usually, when he would sneak in, it was way past the time you had to have your lights off, but his thoughts had been growing darker earlier in the night. Therefore his arrival was slowly becoming earlier and earlier. You didn't mind, though.
Unbeknownst to you, your parents, being trained jounin, had already known of his presence and stood outside your room.
"Do you want to play a game?"
Your muffled words came through the door, causing your mother to smile softly. Your father stood along the wall behind her, huffing and puffing at the idea of letting such a thing happen.
"I don't like that she's having a boy staying the night-"
"It's nothing romantic... They both lost their friends, and they need comfort we can't give them," your mother argued back. She wished she could give you this comfort but years of being a Shinobi made her numb to death. Your father grew quiet, finally realizing that he, too, couldn't bring you comfort, couldn't calm your nightmares like a father should.
"Fine... But I still don't like it"
Your mother smiled softly at your father before leaning slightly to get a peek inside the room. You were pulling out a deck of cards, face bright as you started to shuffle them.
"Have you ever played "Go Fish?" Genma taught me how to play a couple of days ago!"
Kakashi shook his head at that. You talked a lot, but he had grown to like that about you. It allowed his brain to shut off. For the voices to stop. All he had to do was focus on you, and he would feel calm. He really enjoyed this time with you.
"Okay so here's how you play!"
Time passed, and your father had gone to bed, but your mother stayed put. After about an hour of playing, you had grown sleepy; it was usually at this time that you both fell asleep. "I'm sleepy, Kashi. Do you want to stay the night again?"
Kakashi nodded at that before standing up so you could make the bed.
You climbed in first, arms stretching over your head as you yawned. He climbed in after you but stayed far enough away so you didn't touch. But you still both lay in a way that had you facing each other. "I hope you have sweet dreams, Kakashi" you whispered as your eyelids began to droop. Kakashi nodded at this before wishing you the same.
Your mother sighed sadly as you two fell asleep. You two should have been having fun in your childhood, not seeking comfort from one another over the death of a comrade... Over a friend. "Are they asleep?"
Your mother nodded sadly at that, tears streaming down her cheeks as she began to regret their decision to put you in the academy so early on. "We shouldn't have done this-" your father's hand touching your mother's shoulder stopped her statement, for they both knew that this was meant to happen.
"If she weren't in the academy, she wouldn't be the rock Kakashi needs... And if he weren't in the academy, he wouldn't be the rock she needs... The world is cruel, and this line of work is cruel... But they have each other."
Your mother nodded at that before standing up from her spot on the ground. She still regretted putting you in the academy so early on.
But she was thankful you had Kakashi.
It continued that way, just the two of you. He'd come over around six, sometimes you'd sneak in some dinner, and by nine you were fast asleep. As the years went on, you grew closer and closer. You felt happy for once, and he felt the same way.
But it didn't last long.
- 14 Years Old -
A cry sounded out into the night, causing you to sigh in exasperation. You were so tired. Mentally, physically, and emotionally. You don't know why you said yes to the third Hokage, but the minute you saw the baby's little face, you knew you couldn't say no.
So now here you were. Depressed and taking care of a newborn all alone.
Well, not all alone.
"I got this one" Kakashi mumbled as he sat up in the bed. You simply nodded at that, not having the energy or will power to answer him. You looked over at the clock and sighed shakily. 1 AM... You laid down at 9 PM and have yet to fall asleep. You felt sick to your stomach, the death of your parents was really doing a number on you.
Your eyes drifted to the wall before you once again zoned out. It felt like ages had passed before Kakashi returned.
He entered the room again before quietly sighing at you curled up on the bed, eyes staring intently at the wall. He understood your pain, probably better than anyone else. You jumped lightly as he dragged his hand through your tangled and ratty hair, "How much sleep did you get?"
It was only then that you realized Naruto was no longer crying. It usually didn't take Kakashi long to soothe him... Looking back at the clock you realized that only a couple of minutes had passed. You didn't get much sleep, the fact that time felt like it was passing so slowly showed that. "I didn't fall asleep" you muttered as you cuddled into the pillow. Kakashi let out another sigh.
You hadn't been eating. Hadn't been sleeping. You rarely took a shower or got dressed for the day. He was worried about you.
He's been through this before, and he almost didn't make it out alive.
Kakashi motioned for you to scoot over and you did so reluctantly. He climbed in and moved closer to you. He lifted his hand but hesitated, if he did this, it could ruin everything. Deciding that your well being was more important than his worries, he wrapped his arm around you before dragging you into his embrace. Your mouth dropped in shock against his neck. For years the two of you had been inching closer and closer, but you didn't expect this to happen.
You weren't complaining though.
A sense of security overtook every one of your senses. All you felt now was love as if it was your mom herself hugging you. Tears fell down your cheeks as you cried into him, you didn't know if they were tears of joy or pain, but they felt good. "I got you. It's okay" Kakashi whispered as he cradled you close to him.
You both didn't know it, but this moment would be the one moment that changed everything.
- 18 Years Old -
The bed shifted, and you sighed as an arm wrapped around you. "One of these days, I'm going to stab you with a kunai accidentally," you grumbled. Kakashi's chuckle was soft, trying not to wake the four-year-old in the room over. You turned in his arms to be face to face with him, delighted to see his entire face. Something few saw. "How was the mission?" you whispered as your fingers played with the collar of his dark shirt. You chanced a glance at the area by the window.
The ANBU gear leaned against the wall, the mask looking back at you almost mockingly. It was rare for him not to stop at his house before coming by; the gear in your room told you a million things. He was tired. He was done.
And another piece of him was ripped away.
"Bad mission?"
He nodded before inching closer to you, encouraging you to hold him. That's all he wanted; he didn't want to discuss it. Didn't want to tell you the number of people that died—the number he killed.
Why did he kill that many anyway?
His chest tightened at the number flashing in his mind - 15. He killed 15 people. He brutally murdered them. Men. Women.
Children.
All in the name of the village. Kakashi felt his stomach churn as he looked away from you; you would think he was a monster. You had a right to believe such things. He was a monster—a cold-blooded monster who hid behind a mask.
"Hey," your soft voice pulled him out from that dark corner of his mind. His eyes flicked back up to your sweet ones. He expected to see disgust written all over your face; he always did.
And you always surprised him. For all you had on your face was pure love. He could kill a million people, and you'd still care for him. You'd still love him.
"It's just a mask. It's not who you are"
He heard you, he did, but he couldn't process the words. He couldn't process the pure love given to him. How could you even love a monster like him?
"Kashi. Come back to me"
Tears flew down his cheeks as he moved into your open arms. He fought back his sobs by snuggling his face into your neck, but you knew better than anyone the pain he was going through. "You're a good person Kakashi. And I will love you no matter what..." he nodded at your words, teeth biting his lip as he continued to push down his emotions. He curled into you and pulled himself deeper into your embrace. All he wanted to do was be held by you. The emotional and mental safety you gave him was something he couldn't live without.
You slowed your breathing, hoping it would encourage him to do the same. Kakashi sighed dreamily as your fingers ran sweetly through his hair, playing with it like you knew he liked it. Your fingers managed to snag pieces that had dried blood. Usually you wouldn't have allowed such a thing and would have made him take a shower first before climbing into bed.
But this was okay, he needed you, and that trumped everything.
His breathing evened out, causing you to sigh in relief as he finally fell asleep into what you hoped was a dreamless state. You turned your gaze once more to the ANBU gear. At first, you loved him being in the ANBU as it made you feel safe.
But not anymore, not at the cost of possibly losing him.
Your grip around him tightened as you started to drift off; he would most likely not be here in the morning when you woke up. Yet you had a sliver of hope that he'd be by your side when your eyes opened.
Or be making breakfast at least.
- 21 Years Old -
You shot up in bed, chest rising and falling quickly as you gasped for air. It felt like someone was choking you and holding you underwater at the same time. "Y/n?" Kakashi mumbled as he started to wake up beside you. Tears were already falling down your cheeks when he was fully awake. He tried to touch you, to bring you back to earth as you fought off the nightmare surrounding you. You were dreaming of the incident again.
Of him dying in your arms.
"Hey, what's going on" Kakashi's whisper only made it harder to breathe, and you once again shook your head and shot up from the bed. You needed air, needed water, needed space. You needed something you just didn't know what. Kakashi was close behind you as you swung your bedroom door open and fled to the front of the apartment. He opened his mouth to ask again what you were dreaming about, but he knew. It was the same one you'd been having for months now. It would start innocently, you and Obito playing and having fun. Then it morphed into something darker. The ending was always the same. Obito always ended up in your arms.
Dying.
But this time, it seemed like the ending was different. You took a sharp inhale as the cold night air shot through you, and finally, finally you began to come out of the haze the dream put you under. Kakashi leaned against the door frame, hesitant to touch you in case it would cause another breakdown. Slowly, you took in your surroundings. Everything was fine. It was indeed all a dream.
A strong arm wrapped around your shivering form. "Why don't we head inside?" Kakashi whispered as his lips pressed sweetly to your bare neck. You nodded at that, realizing it wasn't the village you lost.
It was him.
You turned in his arms. And your e/c eyes darkened as you gripped him tightly, "It was me this time wasn't it?"
You averted your gaze, embarrassed by your reaction to something as silly as a nightmare. He pulled you in closer before pressing a soft kiss to your nose. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm here with you. I will always be here with you" Your lip trembled at his words. Sure, he was no longer in the ANBU, but he was still going on missions. He had to. He was too important to the village.
But damn the village.
"Sometimes I hate this village for using you like a pawn" Your snarl caught him off guard. He looked down at where your fingers roughly pulled at the top of his shirt. Kakashi opened his mouth to interject and to make you take back the words, but you brushed past him before he had the chance.
- 26 Years Old -
As Naruto grew, the less and less you and Kakashi stayed the night together. But the incident with Naruto and Mizuki changed that.
You tossed and turned in your bed, legs moving as if trying to run somewhere. Kakashi brought his hand across the bed to cup your cheek as he scooted in closer to you. "It's okay. I won't let anyone hurt you two" His whisper somehow made it into your dream because you stopped thrashing around. Soft whimpers still fell from your lips before your eyes finally opened. Kakashi's Sharingan shone in the dark room, the redness of it calming every fiber in your being.
"I'm so scared of losing him Kakashi."
He nodded at that. Naruto was a target, they tried their best to keep him a secret, but the news was spreading fast. "No one's going to hurt either of you when I'm around."
You didn't say anything. Didn't need to say anything. He moved closer to press a kiss to your lips. It was sweet and soft, calm and reassuring.
It was everything you loved about him.
You gave him a sad smile as his thumb caressed your cheek lovingly, "I missed this. I missed you being beside me," you whispered. It was dumb to feel embarrassed. You had been doing this since you were 11, but it had grown into something more.
He meant more to you now. In ways, you could have never planned.
When you befriended that 11-year-old boy, you did so because you both shared a tragedy and could rely on one another for comfort. But as time went on, that friendship blossomed. Your eagerness to see him morphed into something akin to love.No no. It was love.
This was love.
"I love you," you breathed out shakily. You've said it a million times before to him, but this was different. This was real. You didn't just love him as a best friend. You loved everything about him. His lips curled up into a knowing smile before he once more pressed his lips against yours. Kakashi moved your body so that he was hovering over you, deepening the kiss that had once started out as sweet.
Both of you fought for dominance as the kiss got heavier. Before finally, he pulled away. Your eyes sparkled in the moonlight, and the way you were looking at him made him feel like the luckiest man in the world. "Guess what?" He started, causing you to lean in more in the hopes he'd say the words you wanted to hear the most.
"I love you more"
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system-of-a-feather · 6 months
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Alternative System Mind Mapping Method for Communication
[DISCLAIMER: This is not a professional or scientifically or anything really backed method, this is something coming solely from peer / personal experience.]
In regards to an anon ask earlier, I was thinking about it and one of the ways we've approached improving communication - particularly internal - in a way that is a lot less prone to flooding or dealing with trauma or anything too overwhelming - is by approaching it following the concept of Memory Webs
I haven't read up on them recently, but "Memory Webs" were a thing that our AP Psychology teacher in highschool made us do because the AP Psych test was term / jargon heavy. Memory in the human brain has been shown to be HEAVILY associative and the ability to remember and connect things tends to rely on following a "web" of connected topics, ideas, concepts etc from one idea to the next.
So in our AP Psych class, she gave us these GIANT books for Vocabulary Webs that we had to slowly work on, each of which required 6 other vocab words / related concepts, a summarized definition, and an image to represent it. By doing this, you added 6 cues to recall the word (increasing the chance you'd remember it), a visual cue, an episodic memory of working on it, and a definition - all in all improving how connected the word is to other concepts in your brain and making it easier to recall it.
I personally like to look at DID and our parts in a similar manner sometimes where the large issue is that a lot of the nodes in the web of associations are either disconnected or connected through a hard-to-find and/or small chain. In that sense, parts struggle to be held together because they are not associated concepts. It's hard to reach other parts because the dissociative walls (which in our unsubstantiated opinion is less a 'wall' and more so a lack of reinforced neural connections, so I would call them dissociative caverns) keep associations from forming
As a result, alternative to more traditional ways of mapping your system and parts, a method I've liked to internally visualize systems and navigating system dynamics is through a memory web manner. (I actually have never done it physically cause the Ray part of my brain - also the most prominent part writing this rn - rarely liked to front if he didn't have to and did a lot of stuff internally)
Here's a bit of a breakdown using six of our parts if any of you want to try it out.
We personally like it because it strips a lot of trauma and stress off of it and makes it a lot more of a positive and present engaging activity. For the purposes of this, I'll be using the free online app of Milanote cause we've used it before for OC associative webs and I think it'll do fine enough. (Honestly it actually might just be a good way to log alter information now that I'm looking at it if you are at a place in recovery where keeping track of that physically helpful)
So we can start by dropping down the parts we want to include in the form of boards
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So from here, we have a bunch of disconnected parts. However, we find that a lot of these parts have things that mean a lot to them, that illicit a strong emotion or reaction from them.
Some parts may lack it more than others (often in our case trauma holders and/or trauma locked parts) and that's okay and to be expected. This is a visualization method and if there isn't much connecting a part that is 100% okay.
For demonstration sake, I will now add bubbles around each part of things that were pretty early apparent that each individual liked.
Also for the purposes of how I know our system works and how I plan to do this, I am actually moving Riku to the center and you will all see why Riku is such an S tier center point with this model
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So you can see some connections forming.
Some key things you can take from this visual that also applied to earlier stags of how we connected
Lucille and Riku are and have always been pretty darn connected, they go back as one of the longest duos and were split almost as a pair to deal with academics
Chunn and Ray have a very shared interest of "I don't want to do anything leave me alone"
XIV literally was just a piece of shit early on and didn't have any immediate HARD connections with anyone largely because he never was interested in actually engaging in things he liked in a positive way as his "favorite emotion" at the time was "being pissed off"
Lin - an originally trauma stuck / loop - is very very poorly associated with anything that isn't overtly trauma related (and that is saying something cause Vocaloid is trauma related) and thus has very few connections to other parts
So looking at this though, there are a few things that have some similarities between parts. What you can do is make plans to try to foster the interests that you do have and try to generalize it a bit more to also encompass what interests other parts have. So lets engage in hobbies a little more - explore a few concepts that mean a lot to parts independently - and find some more generalized version of those hobbies
(forgot to add easy listening to Ray's and "only wearing monochrome*" to XIV's earlier) (*there are a lot of nuances and caveats)
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Damn, look at that. It's messy and ugly to have in a 2D form. I absolutely hate it, this would be so impossible with our whole system. But HEY, it's very connected - and that's the goal.
Compared to the previous one, you can see how easily it can be for one part's interests to start to drift into another. Because they are largely and strongly associated features to each part, they are a lot more accessible when engaging in their shared / associated connections and interests which makes it easier for the them to stay together near the front, stay associated with one another, and work with and communicate with one another.
Of course anyone following this blog goes "Where tf is Birds" and that I left out because it would ruin the point of the web as it actually is one of our traditional "you are around the system a lot? okay pick a bird" which serves to 1) be a fun system culture thing 2) be a means of welcoming a part in and 3) helps establish a foundational connection; we do the same with music but with music its a lot more elaborate and I probably wont explain it for other reasons.
But overtime, by fostering interests that were already present and encouraging parts to broaden and generalize their specific interest a bit, you end up with a lot of overlapping associations that can greatly improve internal communication, co-fronting ability, and just general fluidity and easy of moving around the brain web.
It becomes a good way of trying to figure out what you can do to encourage and help build connections and associations between parts by seeing where things are similar / could have more overlap (combat and martial arts, different types of fashion, different types of music, different appreciation for arts, taking over the world, yada yada yada)
And you wanna know the coolest thing? When you step back from the whole web you can see certain things appear that stand out the most and have some of the most connections.
If you ever intend to go to Final Fusion, those are the things that will likely be the most prominent traits of your whole self
For us? [REDACTED BIRDS for the point of the demonstration], Music, Fashion, Taking over the World, Recovery and Healing, Buddhism, Martial Arts, Arts in general - they're all some of our largest traits that persist in almost all forms as individual parts, partially fused parts, and fully fused parts.
And the BEST part? Doing this didn't require us to touch trauma at all.
Of course in recovery that will come up cause PTSD doesn't ask permission, but its a very low stress way to help improve internal communication and engagement with one another.
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