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#this is VERY long
keepingeahalive · 1 year
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Charming Family Headcanons:
(This is important: NOT ALL CHARMING FAMILIES ARE RELATED!! It's like having the last name Smith. It's a common name, and they're all used as stock characters so fairytales can have children and carry on their legacies. So, Apple, Daring, and all the other characters with Prince Charming dads aren't related. Let's put this whole debate to rest, please.)
The Charming Kingdom is more of a federation. There are hundreds of small Charming kingdoms spread out across the Fairytale World. King Charming is the high king.
King Charming was the second son in his family line and thus didn’t know what his destiny was (if he had one at all). When he was destined to carry on the Charming name, he vowed to make them the greatest Charmings ever after.
His father and elder brother inherited the destiny of the legendary hero Siegfried. His relationship with his brother was very similar to Dexter and Daring's relationship.
King Charming’s name is Forthright. His wife’s name is Felicity.
Forthright has five younger siblings: Faithful, Favorite, Fastidious, Fortunate, and Fairest. His older brother is named Sigmund.
Felicity came from a Charming family close to the Sea Kingdom.
Forthright ignores Dexter for a number of reasons. He sees how he was in Dexter and resents him for it. He tries to live through Daring because he has the most potential. When he does pay attention to him, he tries to toughen Dexter up to be better, just like his father had done for him.
Darling takes more after her mother than she realizes. Felicity had once dreamed of becoming a sea captain and had a fascination with Neverland, but she had to "give that up" to follow her destiny.
All three of the Charming siblings have a complicated relationship with their parents, especially after graduation:
Daring had received their praise his whole life. When he found out he wasn’t Apple’s Prince, he was terrified of losing their love because he wasn’t their perfect little prince anymore. When he finally saw his siblings being emotionally beaten down by them, he realized all of their love had been transactional. He tried to make it work with his parents because he loved them and wasn't ready to lose their approval. But even after coming to terms with his destiny as the Beast, his parents (mostly his father) still wouldn't budge. He realizes his parents' obsession with image and status was more important than their own views on destiny.
Dexter received the most blatant abuse. Having been constantly compared to his brother, gaslit into believing he would never be good enough, and nearly embracing that sentiment, he nearly lost all of his confidence. As he started dating Raven, he regained that confidence and started to feel good about himself. When his parents finally found out about their relationship and tried to break them up, Dexter finally snapped and cut all contact with them.
Darling, being the only girl, was scrutinized over her looks and behavior every minute of every day. She got into the most fights with her parents when she was a kid, but she realized she would never change their minds. And being locked in a tower for a good chunk of her childhood didn't help either. She resorted to being sneaky, working out physically and mentally, so she could escape one day.
Forthright’s parents, siblings, and their families all live in Charming Castle with his immediate family. They all silently hate each other.
Both parents want what’s best for their family. But while Forthright seeks to maintain the family image, Felicity is genuinely looking out for her children in a misguided manner.
Forthright and Felicity’s marriage was arranged.
The Charming parents are high-paying donors to Ever After High and are Heads of the Heirs and Teacher Association.
They frequently hold parties to make political alliances. Their children are not excluded from this. Daring was 6 and Dexter and Darling were 5 when they went to their first ball.
Forthright is still secretly in love with Goldilocks.
Forthright "fell out of touch" with Pinocchio. In his younger years, he might have rekindled their friendship. But he sees the Woods too far beneath him now.
Felicity is secretly friends with Maid Marian.
Daring and Dexter became really close with Apple after she started dating Darling. Darling, Raven, and Rosabella also formed a sisterly bond. They call themselves the "Rebel Girlfriends Club."
Felicity tries to be a mediator between her husband and her children, but neither side agrees to compromise.
Lance Charming is Forthright's first cousin.
Forthright has tried to break up his children's relationships a few times. He disapproves of Rosabella because "How dare you turn my perfect son into a Beast!" He disapproves of Raven because she's "evil", and he can't have one of his children dating a villain. He doesn't disapprove of Apple, but he disapproves of her being with his daughter instead of his son.
Felicity keeps Darling on a strict diet. Darling only tasted junk food for the first time when she came to school.
In the future, Felicity would be more likely to patch things up with her children. However, Forthright has made his position clear.
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useyernamesteven · 1 year
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It might just be me, but I kinda like the concept of Enid still having trouble "wolfing out" post s1
Don't get me wrong wolf!roommate antics would be great too, but like imagine:
....
Enid goes home and she's over the freakin MOON cuz she's finally a real werewolf now, just like the rest of her pack! She tells her family and obviously her mom is relieved (and yet still critical of Enids other invisible flaws) and her Dads happy she's happy and her brothers are annoying and for some reason her scars aren't healing as quickly as a werewolf should be able to heal but it doesn't matter cuz at least she finally feels normal (even if there is a small monotoned voice that sounds suspiciously like her fav lil psycho somewhere in the back of her mind telling her she was "normal" just being herself)
Then a month goes by and its the night of the full moon and Enid's with her family and pack in the woods and everyone starts wolfing out around her and Enid's so excited to join in. But ten minutes go by, then 30 and Enid's excitement starts to dwindle. At the hour mark she feels like she's panicking bcuz why hasn't she turned yet?? and the other wolves in the pack are starting to get antsy waiting for the hunt. After another twenty minutes still waiting, the pack take off and Enid's left alone at the campsite, still human.
The next morning the pack come back and Enid comes out of her tent, keeping her head down as feelings of shame and embarrassment color her cheeks. Her Dad pats her shoulder, tells her she'll get the next one, but her mother refuses to acknowledge her until they get home, and even then its only to hand her another round of brochures before Enid heads off to go cry herself to sleep.
Fast-forward and Nevermore opens back up and Enid's scrambling to get out of her house bcuz she can't stand it any longer. At least at school she has friends who don't really care if she can't shift. She even gets a three-second hug out of Wednesday when they reunite!
A week later is the full moon and Enid's trying so hard to not let it get to her but it seems Wednesday can see through all her fake smiles and nonchalance cuz she corners Enid the night before the full moon and asks her to either produce an explanation or suffer Wednesdays interrogation methods. And Enid comes clean in a sloppy sobbing mess of "i thought i was normal now!" and "its not fair".
And she feels bad cuz Wednesday is obviously NOT the person you should be dumping your emotional blights upon, but surprisingly her roommate seems solemn (more so than per usual Addams fashion) and it isnt until Wednesdays gingerly patting her head that Enid realizes she's actually attempting to cheer her up. And Enid bursts out laughing bcuz its very sweet and caring and so unlike her dreary bff that it actually does the trick.
Thing puts on Jennifer's Body which is a little on the nose given what happened last semester but its something they can all enjoy and Enid nearly chokes on a mouthful of popcorn when Wednesday admits she finds Megan Fox attractive but only when she's covered in blood and devouring the foolish men who fell victim to her seductions. Then they put on Legally Blonde and Enid chokes on her popcorn again when Wednesday says she's seen it before, and they spend three hours playing and pausing it to argue and critique the plot points and "its a girlpower movie Willa!" and eventually they fall asleep and Enid forgets why she was even upset to begin with.
Well, until the next day when its the full moon and Enid's a lil disappointed but not terribly so bcuz her wolf friends invite her out to lunch for some food and a howl, Ajax and Yoko have been sending her silly memes all day, and Thing gave her a manicure this afternoon, but the cherry on top is Wednesday promising another movie night and she gave Enid full control over what they watch. By the time the moon starts rising Enid feels like she's on cloud 9...
Which is inevitably when everything goes to shit bcuz the pain kicks in mid-way through "Let it Go" and Enid has enough strength in her to at least push past a notably worried roomie and out onto their balcony before her bones start cracking and holy shit she's wolfing out! But shes freakin out and so disoriented, not used to her new body or the flood to her senses that are suddenly on blast, and shes panicking and panicking until she hears someone calling to her, coaxing her, and a scent she knows all too well. It calms her, centers her, and Enid comes back to her senses a little to see Wednesday out on the balcony with her, hand outstretched but not touching. And Enid gives a few cautious sniffs and whines and its then that Wednesday finally brushes her fingers along her snout, up to her ears, and begins to softly, soothingly pet her and its then that Enid finally feels like herself in that moment.
She wakes up the next morning on the floor of their room with a small mountain of blankets, stuffed animals, and pillows around her, and Wednesday on her bed beside her. There are claw marks along the floor and fur shed all over the place, but nothings broken and she doesn't smell blood (beside the usual aroma a la Addams). How her roomie managed to get a full blown werewolf back into their room is beyond her but Wednesday looks too peaceful curled up on her bright colored sheets to wake her and find out just yet.
...
What I'm saying is that Wednesday is Enid's anchor and she'll only wolf out when she's around.
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Quick rant about ATYD because, the slander just does not make sense to me. It's not a perfect fic and people are allowed to not like it but some of the reasons for people not liking it are just so weird to me. Like- people don't like it because Sirius is sexist.... Sirius is a teenage boy. Do the people that say that hang out with teenage boys IRL? They are sexist and sometimes racists, pieces of shit- especially around their guy friends or girl they think 'are cool with it'. Also, it was the 70's. Like, do people not realize that a white, rich (like fully out of touch with reality, Billionaire with money dating back to the 15th century Rich), SEVERLY TRAUMATIZED cis guy from the 70's would be a piece of shit as a child. Like, as Sirius got older he would grow to regret all the fucked up stuff he said an take the time to actually apologize and stuff but we never saw that because he was 21 when he was imprisoned. He never even left his frat boy era. And then I have seen others be mad because they made Dorcas white. This is a complaint I have only seen from white people and as a Black mauraders fan, it literally does not matter. Like- Dorcas meadows is a character mentioned less than five times in the entire series, with her race being nothing more than a token black person that J.K shoved in The Order to prove it wasn't all white and that the HP world has diversity. Her being made white changes nothing in the plot. People also say that wolfstar is toxic in it, like this isn't a fic about two deeply traumatized boys with no role models or healthy relationships or base their own off of, other than Effie and Fleamont which they don't meet until they are like 13. Like, of course they are going to be toxic and fucked up- their entire lives have been fucked up. The only valid critique I have seen is the fact that the G word is used to describe the wolf packs. Granted, I didn't know that was a slur until 2021 or so, it's still a fucked up term to use. But yeah, I feel like people often say it's a bad work, which is fine if you just don't vibe with it, but the reasoning for not liking it makes me pause a little because 'what?'.
Edit: Forgot to say this but people also hate the characterization of Mary because she is oversexualized, to which I say: so is Sirius. Like, they are both sooooo fucking slutty and sleep around a bunch, the fact that people only talk about Mary in this light can be attributed to one of two things. Either A: grasping at straws, or B: Putting the weight on Remus's narration. Him being inexperienced for alot of his time as hogwarts would allow for any kiss or hookup seem like the end of the world for in his eyes and by reading with the grain I can understand that- but even then don't slut shame the black women and not the Black. "but mary lost her virginity at 14"- people get their sexual urges right as they hit puberty. Teens are horny. In the 7th grade my middleschool took an all day trip that used to be over night until two students got caught fucking in a cabin. 13 year old 7th graders. I am not saying it is right to loose your virginity at such a young age but it isn't unheard of.
Edit 2: Last edit I swear, but I just saw some one's post saying they didn't like how remus having a learning disability was for shits and gigs or that he did drugs and joined a gang. Firstly, remus having a learning disability is a beautiful metaphor for his lycanthropy and class. He is studying along side his friends, completely confused and just playing along to not give anything away. It doubles onto how isolated Remus must have felt and his whole problem with opening up to others. Also, the fact that Remus had to push himself so hard academically just to get the same grades as his rich friends who coast by on their name and the fact that they have been learning latin and french from tutors since they could walk- I mean, it's just chef's kiss. And, do people not realize that people in the real world do drugs? That a lot of people struggle with addiction and are more prone to said struggle when they grow up in a shitty environment with out learning proper ways to cope with the traumatic events? Remus was in a gang because he was surrounded by people who were in a gang- people who understood him more than James or Sirius did.
Like, I know that I can't really say this because I am a legal adult ranting on tumblr, but all of the slander just makes me want to tell people to go outside. Make friends irl- not mutuals. Touch grass, hand out with people you age. Like yes atyd isn't perfect but it was very much accurate to how real people would have been in the 70's and I personally prefer that to the babygirl-ification of every male character in Harry Potter to the points where they are almost caricatures of themselves
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warmblanketwhump · 10 months
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prompt psa!!!!
hello all! I mentioned this in an earlier reply but wanted to dedicate a full post to update about how I’ll be handling prompts moving forward once I open my inbox for prompts again (as of now, it is still closed). starting now, i am going to be more diligent about saying no to two kinds of asks:
Incredibly detailed prompts: while I assume intentions are good when people send extremely detailed requests, I have to be honest - sometimes they make me feel a bit like a vending machine or an AI generator that takes a prompt and spits out a story. I’m always honored when people want me to bring a story to life, but it can be hard to feel excited about creating something when I’m essentially writing your own story that you’ve already designed from start to finish. if you find yourself writing a prompt that’s a bit long, ask yourself if it might be a good story for you to explore writing!
Prompts outside of my area of interest/desire to write: In the past, I’d tried to fill every prompt that came my way, even if it was only a short couple of paragraphs. i hate saying no, and while it’s fun and exciting to receive all the requests, the truth is that some prompts just don’t fit what I enjoy writing about, even if it’s not about something that gives me the ick. don’t feel bad if i say no to a prompt - chances are it’s a very good prompt, I just might not be the right writer to bring it to life!
please know that I’m not upset or mad at anyone—this space is such a fun one and these boundaries are ones I’m setting as a way to keep it fun for me! if you have an idea or a thought that you’re excited about or want to share with me, I’m here for it and want to get excited about it with you. these are just guidelines that I’m adding to provide a bit of clarity for the future when people send in requests. I also found that accepting prompts was taking away from time that I had to pursue my own ideas, and I definitely missed that part of writing here!
it’s been a crazy summer for me, but fall is coming and I’m really hoping that I can get back to writing more this fall. until then, I’ll be here lurking along with the rest of you 😊
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jayktoralldaylong · 2 years
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"Mu Qing was wrong." "Xie Lian was wrong." "Feng Xin was wrong."
They were children.
I know they were like 22 but I see early twenties as basically children. They haven't lived any significant life that can tell them how harsh the world was going to be at that age. Xie Lian and Feng Xin were definitely unprepared for the world outside the palace walls. Xie Lian was 17 when he ascended which makes the whole situation worse. I've always assumed Feng Xin was the same age and Mu Qing was a year younger. They didn't have time to do any growing up in heaven so by the time they had their homeland and everything they knew and loved wiped away, they had no idea that it would just be the beginning of their tragedy. (This reminds me epically of the Jiang trio and I'm glad that we don't lose anyone in this version).
TALKING A LOT ABOUT TGCF BOOK 4. THIS IS YOUR CUE TO SLIDE AWAY IF YOU HAVEN'T READ IT. SPOILERS.
Who do we start with? Mu Qing? I will admit and agree, Mu Qing was a coward. Of the three he had the highest chance of holding things together. Yes, it's not his job to babysit the fallen prince and I can guess that he assumed staying as an extra mouth to feed would only cripple Xie Lian. I understand his reasoning. If got ascended he could better look after Xie Lian and Feng Xin and help Xie Lian ascend faster (it's just a shame that Mu Qing isn't great at vocalising his amazing ideas). He's always been a coward among royalty but it's not surprising considering they treat him like dirt so of course he was hesitant to defend Xie Lian in front of the other little godlings. Mu Qing knows suffering, Xie Lian was just experiencing it for the first time. Mu Qing was scared of living in suffering again. He'd been running from it since he managed to enter Xie Lian's court. By hook or crook he was determined to provide a better home for his mother, he was going to make good use of the life she'd given him, there was no guarantee he'd get that at Xie Lian's side. Xie Lian was immortal, nothing was gonna happen to him. That promise hadn't been given to Feng Xin and Mu Qing so they were risking their lives just being around him and all his bad luck. So Mu Qing ran. He was ashamed of it, as anyone would be, but it just seemed the right decision. If he could help Xie Lian by prospering then why stay? If he could do so much more, why keep tying himself down with the fallen prince? It was better to go than to stay and end up regretting never leaving. That regret could have turned into hate for Xie Lian.
(Honestly speaking, Mu Qing and Feng Xin would have left one way or another. White No Face wasn't letting Xie Lian have friends or support. He got rid of his friends, his family, even his most devoted worshipper. He would have one way or another driven Feng Xin and Mu Qing to suicide or death. Anything to make Xie Lian break.) Sorry, this is long.
Then we have Feng Xin, who was Ironically doomed to fail the second Mu Qing left. Feng Xin, unlike the other two has no family apart from Xie Lian, so he doesn't feel obligated to leave and take care of any sick parents. He can take care of the Prince's parents. He's lived his whole life doing as he's told, always obeying the royal family, being good for his lord and master, like a patient little puppy. Except it's so much harder outside of the palace. He works tirelessly for money, hoping to put a smile on Xie Lian's face but Xie Lian just gets more desolate by the day. Feng Xin staying is almost as bad as Mu Qing leaving. Now Xie Lian is scared. Scared that Feng Xin will go too. He doesn't deserve the patient man's loyalty. Feng Xin is not the best at emotional intelligence so he doesn't understand why Xie Lian is shutting down, distancing himself, no longer talking to him. Feng Xin finds himself pushed away by everyone he's trying to grow close to and he doesn't get it. It saddens him so much that the only one he can rant to is a lady at a brothel. He doesn't understand what he's doing wrong but he's determined to try his best. His best is not working at all. Xie Lian keeps disappearing and returning worse than before. The King and Queen are panicking. Feng Xin is trying to hold the crumbling pieces of an already fallen world together, and it's not at all what he's cut out for. So when Xie Lian snaps at him, it all just topples over.
Feng Xin has lived his entire life following orders. When Xie Lian vaguely tells him to get out, he figures his presence has not made the prince happier, it seems to drive him further away, agonise him, he's not doing a single thing right and he doesn't understand his master anymore. So what's the point of staying? He leaves because, just like Mu Qing, he feels it's the right thing to do. As soon as he leaves, everything is exposed as the mess it is. Everything falls apart.
Now Xie Lian. There's a surprising amount of people misunderstanding Xie Lian, even the people painting him as an angel at this point of the story. Xie Lian, the crown prince of Xianle, the beloved prince of the heavens, is a spoilt naïve little rich brat. There is said it. At this point of the story, that's all he is. When he comes to realise it, he hates himself for it. That's why he's got so much beef with his father. He sees himself in the fallen King and he loathes it entirely. He loathes that he's not used to being cold, or helpless, or poor, or scared, or confused, or alone, or unsure. He's always been able to fix things, after all he's the perfect one. He's better than his father. How can't he fix something so simple? Why does he feel like a failure now? Why does everyone hate him for trying to help? He's the most confused he's ever been in his life. The perfect little illusion he's been living in all his life is shattered in the ugliest way possible and he's losing everyone he loves. He's desperate to fix it because he's the one everyone looks to for things to be fixed but he's failing and he's scared everyone will realise that and then they'll leave. His attempts to remedy to problem just causes the problem to expand. Xie Lian is really the biggest loser of the whole scenario. I don't understand how anyone can point fingers at him for the shit that happened. He's struggling so much. His friends are struggling too and he hates it. Oooooh. If there's one thing Xie Lian hated more than being poor, it was watching the people around him suffer because of his new status. Which is why he got so much better once he was alone and just adapted to his suffering. Mu Qing left, Feng Xin was working for him with nothing to gain, his parents kept hoping in the future but his Cultivation wasn't working. The little perfectionist was crumbling and to make things worse, a Calamity and decided to make it his divine business to torture him everyday. It is a whole miracle that Xie Lian survived that experience. He's got very strong willpower. I'm pretty sure he was running on pure spite. "You want me to turn evil so bad? I fucking won't you piece of shit! See how you like it!" We've got our own translation for why Xie Lian survived (damn this post is long).
At any rate, the Xianle trio incident is something I cannot brush off as black and white. There was no good or bad, it was three children self destructing so bad and the only one who was surprisingly able to come to terms with what happened was Xie Lian. Then he went back to heaven to heal the others. They had so much baggage to work through. I'm glad that MXTX allowed the healing process to happen and not the thing we got with the Yunmeng bros.
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neglected-oversight · 2 years
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Berdly concept art:
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In the overworld, he’s pretty much the same as Dr!Berdly, except for the fact that he wears fake glasses to make himself look smarter. In the darkworld, due to the enemies being 10x harder, Berdly’s forced (Kris forces him) to join Noelle and Kris on their journey through the cyberworld. Like Noelle, he’s apathetic, distant towards anything and everything, and doesn’t remember anything about his life, having to be reminded of who he is through challenging him at puzzles and his intelligence. His outfit is similar to Kris’s, which is the fact that he can’t take any of it (his armour) off without injuring himself (it’s up to you to interpret what that means).
Neutral route: his arm isn’t broken since he’s never controlled by queen (kind of, during the queen boss battle, she just forcefully brings him to her side), but he does forget some details of his life when he forcefully breaks from the fountain's control, rather than naturally recollecting his memories. In the library, he’ll get up and rub his head, asking why he was in the library, with Noelle having to remind him that he was studying with her.
If Kris took the pacifist route, during his time with Kris, he has to be reminded of who he is through challenging him (ex. Proving him wrong at puzzles, reminding him that he isn’t as strong as he thinks he is during battles; telling him it’s okay to not be smart, etc). He’s defensive of Noelle and (sometimes) Kris, if any of them were/are hurt (mostly Noelle), he gets more aggressive. The scene with Noelle and Susie is mostly the same, with the fact that Berdly never falls in love with Susie; he instead just apologises for how he’s been acting. During the final boss battle, Berdly comes in with assistance from Spamton, forming S.I.G.M.A! (short for Spamton’s inorganic gigas mech apparatus; punctuation included).
snowgrave/weird route: Berdly’s the main reason why snowgrave/the weird route in this au is possible since he gets aggressive whenever Noelle and/or Kris are injured/down. When entering a battle, you/Kris would have to act by either screaming out in terror, or by forcefully pushing Noelle to the ground (which is the more effective solution). By the time the three get to the alleyway, Berdly, in one last attempt to help Noelle, breaks free from the fountain, which still results in him dying and Noelle forcefully breaking free from the fountain due to the trauma.
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hello fellow former mlb victim fan
I’m so curious now on what your thoughts on the show are. Like, just in general and also how the romance was handled. If you wanna share 👀
LISTEN. Way too many things and I will end up making this post too long but... I have some pent up frustration so let's just go by seasons (+ some other stuff) THIS IS VERY LONG SO HAVE A NICE READ
S1 : I think s1 was fine overall, though I was absolutely creeped out by Mari's behavior like ??? She's very likable and honestly I enjoy her character most of the time but it's just. Why would you make this 14 years old obsessive ?? As a middle aged man ?? AS A GAG ???? anyways. I think s1 was the only season where I don't have many things to say because 1) it wasn't that bad 2) i don't remember much
S2 : The beginning of my doom, CN is dumbed down more and more by the writers in favor of LB and this is so weird. Adrien isn't dumb, what he is oblivious and unaware of social norms. He spent his life homeschooled. (ALSO may I ask why is his life presented as going down hill when his mom disappeared when he's always been hidden from the world ?? Why is his mom shown as good when he couldn't even go to school and didn't have any friends except Chloé ??? How is she a good mother ??? How did his father change exactly ?? Did he just become colder or ??)
I think the swap kwami episode was in s2 and this is one of my LEAST favorite episodes ; CN's job is perceived as easy compared to LB but i'm sorry can Mari sacrifice herself so easily without any guarantee to come back ?? The heavy burden of the power of destruction and the knowledge that she could KILL someone doesn't bother her ??? This episode just served the purpose to show how LB is just. Much more important than CN and I am SICK of it.
Also uh can we talk real quick about Master Fu ? Dude thought "training" (that apparently happened off screen which is just bad writing) a CHILD to become the next guardian was a good idea ? Mari is a kid with dreams and passions and chaining her down to this duty is just outright cruel. In later seasons we don't even see her make anything ? She is supposed to want to become a fashion designer and now she's stuck stressing over kwamis and a way too complicated task where if she messes up, the world as they know it ends.
ALSO. Just my opinion but. The guardian shouldn't have been Mari. Or Adrien. It should've been a third party, completely unrelated, so no power imbalance would be created between CN and LB. I'm sorry but this is such a huge thing about the show, that has been hammered into our heads, that "destruction and creation must be balanced" and they do that ?? (plus it led to the season i hate the most, s4) The show had the opportunity to introduce another character, or make use of an already introduced one (i.e Luka) and make them a guardian ! Or something ??
s3 was fine, I liked Chat Blanc for the most part (Mari's tresspassing, her sniffing Adrien's pillow... ugh.) and thought it was very very heartbreaking to see Adrien like that, my poor boy cannot catch a break. Also Chloé redemption !! She deserved it, with her abusive mother and all, too bad they decided to burn everything by making her a caricature of herself and introducing the most bland replacement for her ! (A half sister whose existence made NO SENSE ? I thought Chloé's mom didn't like kids ? Plus why would she bother taking her other kid to Paris, and risking her reputation with cheating rumors ???)
Now... Now let's talk about s4... So much happened in this god forsaken season and i'm so, so, so tired and shed so many tears of RAGE. Chat Noir became a sidekick, plain and simple. Not even "just" a sidekick the protagonist would respect, like Robin, but a simple fill-in, a "partner like any other" as LB so amicably put it in Kuro Neko. I feel like the writers wanted to write conflict and all but... it's so badly written and only served to make people hate CN.
Chat's trust was abused so many times (Ephemeral, when he and LB were supposed to show the other their identity but what he didn't know was that Viperion was to know too, instead of just... explaining the situation ?), he was kept in the dark many, many times, not only by LadyBug, but also by his Father (interesting parallels) and Fu, all which, somehow, have a position of power over him. He felt replaced, which is entirely valid, because as much as he didn't communicate this, he offered LB his help so many times, and tried to open up, and all these have been either ignored or rejected. (now I'll talk about Mari's side after, but just know that i absolutely do not blame her for being stressed ! I am just critizing her actions which hurt her supposed best friend and partner very deeply) Not to mention Scarabella, whom he never knew the existence of, and could've killed. Chat probably doesn't care much that someone knows her identity, but she never told him, or even considered telling him to find someone to tell, too. I'm sorry but LB has been so strict on these rules but now she doesn't follow them, yet expects Chat to. (also, i'm mad they stripped Chloé of her miraculous because apparently "Hawkmoth knows who she is". Well, Hawkmoth knows who Ryuko is too, as well as Rena, or Viperion. Yet they still have theirs ?)
Chat has no support !! no circle to support him whereas Mari has Alya, even the Kwamis, her parents, and her friends ! Adrien's parents are off the list, Nathalie is way too close to his Father, the Gorille isn't much help, and it's not like he's actually close to anyone if not Nino (their only memorable interaction is in Rocketear in s4). Then, he loses his miraculous and is actually blamed for getting hurt by LB's behavior and reacting harshly (he should yes apologize however) LB has provided NO apologies, instead making Chat feel guilty ?? I remember this episode SO well because I was HOPING for a sweet Ladynoir scene, but NOOOOOOOO. Also this showed how shallow Mari's love for Adrien was -- she's basically in love with his mask, not very different from Kagami "Stop acting like a clown" Tsurugi
I think, however, that showing why Adrigami and Lukanette wouldn't work is a great idea ! Was it greatly handled ? Not really, but it could've been great ! I love Kagami and Luka and I wish for them to be in good hands (mine)
One last thing about Chat, then we'll talk about Mari's side ; I HATE HATE HATE how they ignore his struggles or act as if they do not exist. The creator himself calls Adrien "perfect" and act as if Adrien is totally fine, when the situations the boy is in SHOW how distressing his situation is. Adrien is CANONICALLY shown to : accept death and die, more than once, try to cataclysm himself, eat very little, have weak boundaries and doesn't know how to say 'no', isn't really aware of others' boundaries as well, shut down as soon as his father raises his voice, been hit by his Father (both in normal and Hawkmoth form), still hasn't been able to properly grieve his mother. ALL of this, and none of it has been explored, because the focus is not on him if Mari isn't there. The writers HATE abused kids and I'm not afraid to say it, because s5 spoilers showed how they're (Adrien, Chloé and Kagami) treated and considered by the writers.
Now, onto Mari ! You're heard everything I complained about, now let's hear something else ; I loved seeing her under the pressure and how it affected her, though I find it cruel, it was interesting to see since she learned a lot about herself and other people. Too bad the writers refuse to make characters change, huh. Also, nice that she tries to move on from Adrien ! Still not over the statue thing, but it's refreshing to see her move on, if only for like, three episodes. I wish we could've seen genuinely learn how to treat her partner better, how to not take him for granted. Maybe her resenting Master Fu for putting such a heavy burden on her shoulders ? She's the class president, a full time middle schooler, guardian and super hero, and that's it. She cannot indulge in her hobbies anymore and that sucks, because she deserves to be a kid. The writers obviously want her to be the most important character by pushing every single thing and events on her, even when her presence is not even necessary.
Since Mari is pushed to be the centre of everything, where she shouldn't even be, it means she gets both privilege by the writers, and also pain. It was nice though to have a character I could empathize with and also critisize, though the writers want to make her as lovely as possible.
As for the romance between Mari and Adrien... I stopped wanting them to be together in s4, because truth be told, they're incompatible, and the Universe obviously doesn't like them together either lol. It was so weirdly put in s5, and I stopped watching the show since then, so I don't know much, except for big, big spoilers which make me want to barge in the writers' room and strangle them one by one.
The ship is no longer something I enjoy, for many reasons, and I think they should've ended up with someone else (Adrien realizing he's gay and Marinette kissing Kagami on the lips for example)
Okay and for s5 just know that I hate it.
-> Marinette, of all people, learning who Hawkmoth is and then CHOOSING not to tell Adrien, as well as offering Gabriel to die as a hero, is just horrible. The conscious choice of taking away his agency, ONCE AGAIN, hiding secrets from him, hiding from him the fact that his father, his abuser, is HAWKMOTH is horrible. I wanted the confrontation between him and his father, but NOTHING. Mari got the spotlight and Adrien is nothing more than a bird in a cage I hate the writers.
-> Chloé got disowned by her (incompetent) dad and forced to leave with her Mother. What a way to get rid of the bully ! Giving her to her abusive mother ! Who doesn't know her name, doesn't care about ! As if Chloé didn't cry "why don't you love me, mom ?" ! God.
-> the senti reveal. I hate the senti theory i hate that it's real. They can't fight back, otherwise they can just be erased of existence, and even taking back the amok is useless because what if it breaks ? what if you lost it ? someone steals it ? I hate it so, so, so much, and making abused kids sentihumans is the worst thing ever.
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mellometal · 1 year
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Here we go again...Jesus tap-dancing Christ. This is a lot longer than I wanted it to be.
Hey.  I haven’t been able to make any posts related to Dhar Mann over the past several months.  I needed to make my mental health a priority over a guy whose presence literally makes my blood boil. (Also...side note: I have said this multiple times before, I don’t always want to discuss this individual or anyone associated with him. I don’t want to be restricted to talking about one topic. /notmad)  I’ve also been going through a lot, as a lot of you know.  You’re probably not here for me to tell you about why the posts about this individual and anyone related to him have halted, so I’m gonna cut to the chase.
This is an important topic, as almost every single actor who has worked under Dhar Mann is protesting against him due to him not paying them a liveable wage.  Y’know, despite racking in a shit ton of ad revenue that’s around $25k or something like that.  Hey, aren’t you a multimillionaire?  I know damn well you can afford to pay the actors a liveable wage for their time and ensure they can pay for essentials, like I don’t know, A ROOF OVER THEIR HEADS! I’ll be linking as many videos talking about this subject from some of the actors themselves and through YouTube commentators as Tumblr will let me link. As I’ve mentioned in passing, I haven’t watched any videos Dhar Dhar Binks has made in the past few months because hate watching his videos will only line his pockets and hurt the actors. Especially now.
Dhar Mann has been firing people for speaking negatively about the conditions of the studio and the pay.  This has been through emails (a few people’s emails have been put up on social media, which is super unprofessional and can be dangerous for the people whose emails were posted online).  Instead of taking criticism and actually trying to make things right for the people who have made his channels successful, he doubles down on all the “positive” experiences that some of the actors have had with him.  One of them notably being Katherine Norland, which considering how problematic she is outside of working for Dhar Mann, I’m not at all surprised.  Two birds of the same feather flock together.  She talked about how her experience working with Dhar Mann has been great.  Hey, Katherine, not everyone has the same experience as you.  But I bet you like playing the bigoted Karen roles you get, huh?  Figures.  
Here’s a five minute clip of a FORTY-FIVE MINUTE VIDEO she made. I already have a headache listening to her spew typical Boomer/Boomer 2.0 (A LOT of Gen X...mainly elder Gen X) bullshit.
https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRnqHuvd/
All I gotta say is: Okay, Boomer. Lay off the Kool-aid. (She probably isn’t a Boomer, but she sure talks like one.)
Another actor I’ve seen speaking more on neutral ground, but still defending Dhar Mann low-key is Melvin.  To sum up what Melvin said, he basically said that Dhar Mann’s “a good guy (to him)”, DM “shouldn’t be canceled”, he saw where the actors who were protesting were coming from, and “everything’s gonna get solved”. The clip where he talks about this is below:
https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRnqD1pv/
According to Colin A. Borden, who has worked with Dhar Mann as an actor for the past few years, he stated on his social media platforms that a lot of the actors, himself included (most likely, I’m not sure), can’t even afford rent with how little Dhar Mann pays the actors.  This was when he was talking about why actors are protesting at the moment.  He’s not the only actor I’m going to be naming.  A few other notable actors protesting are Mair Mulroney, Rachel, and a couple others.  I linked a few of their videos below.
https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRnVcm4A/ (Colin's video)
https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRnVvEK5/ (One of Mair's videos)
https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRnVGLaB/ (Nathan's video, where he talks about why the contracts and payments are bad.)
https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRnqNyPd/ (A compilation of actors protesting.) (TW: There are whistles being blown.)
According to other actors who have come forward with their experiences with this individual (Rachel being one of them), they would work twelve to fifteen hour days for the wage of eighteen dollars per hour (for non-speaking roles) or thirty-three to forty-four dollars per hour (for speaking roles).  To my understanding, this was a few times a week.  This kind of schedule is not sustainable.  These actors can’t even afford to pay their rent, like I have mentioned before.  Dhar Mann can lie his ass off about how he pays everyone fairly all he wants, but you know I’m going to believe the actors over him any day.   
Clip from a livestream where Rachel is talking about pay:
https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRnqBSrF/
“Eighteen dollars an hour for a non-speaking role?  Thirty-three to forty-four dollars an hour for a speaking role?  That sounds great!  What’s the problem with that?”
Getting paid eighteen dollars an hour (for non-speaking roles), or getting paid thirty-three dollars to forty-four dollars (for speaking roles) for twelve to fifteen hours a day a few times a week sounds like a lot of money, but that’s further from the truth.  Let me explain. 
If they’re only there for twelve to fifteen hours a few times a week, to paint a better picture, and they’re paid semi-monthly, the people with non-speaking roles would only get around $1,440 every two weeks, and the people with speaking roles would get around $2,640 - $3,520 every two weeks. (NOTE: These are only estimated amounts. I used 80 hours here in total for the two weeks, and used a tax calculator based in California, where they work. This is given that their hours actually equal forty hours per week. The hours are variable, as Nathan has said in his video talking about this subject. The actors could actually be getting paid less than the estimated amounts I put up.)  This is before taxes are taken out, hypothetically, if Dhar Mann or anyone who handles payroll is actually doing their job.  After taxes are taken out, the extras would only be getting $1,132 every two weeks, and actors in speaking roles would be getting $1,923 - $2,456 every two weeks.  He pays everyone out through PayPal…instead of at least giving them a pay card where he can put their paychecks onto or letting them use their banks through direct deposit, or giving them paper checks so they can deposit their earnings into their bank accounts.
The average person’s rent in all of California was around $1,818 back in 2021.  That’s not including utilities, insurance, and other bills.  They’re pretty much scraping by to survive if they’re living on their own.  Those are some “competitive wages”, huh?  Get over yourself, Dhar.  You’re fucking cheap and you can’t manage to pay the people who made your shitty channel huge fairly.  Just admit that.
Another thing that I need to mention is them painting a mural to honor an actor who passed away, then taking it down a few days later. The reason for this wasn’t really made clear. Something about the landlord saying to take it down, or they needed that space for a video. Whatever the reason is, it’s not cool to paint a mural dedicated to an actor that you’re not even gonna keep up. It gives off the impression that you only did it for clout. Just saying.
ETA: This is new information that I found from doing more research. Carl Judie, according to Riki (who was close to him), was actually planning on leaving before his death due to how he was being treated. His loved ones do not want Carl’s face to be anywhere in Dhar Mann’s studios. This is the video where Riki discussed Carl:
Another actor came forward to speak about how Dhar Mann was practicing a scene with her for a TikTok and he was chasing after her with a real knife instead of a prop knife. 
Clip from a livestream:
https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRnqPsCm/
A child actor (Brianni) talked about how she was fired because she has medical issues THAT DHAR MANN WAS WELL AWARE OF. Her video is below:
https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRnqmUTd/
Riki, one of the major actors in his shitty videos refused to do any more videos that have to do with race and she got less work as a result.  A black woman not wanting to do videos about race?  *gasp* How will Dhar Mann ever recover from this? /s Oh, I wonder…I will be linking her video where she explains why she stopped doing any more videos that have to do with race.  She explains it a lot better than I can. Her video is linked below:
https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRnqRnSn/
Actors are generally unionized to prevent this kind of thing from happening (i.e., paying dramatically low wages and an overall unhealthy work environment), but the way Dhar Mann runs shit, it’s not unionized.  Fearing that you will lose your job if you’re critical of the boss in any capacity or you speak out about work conditions is not a healthy work environment.  Nobody should be having to walk on eggshells and be afraid of losing their job if they say anything.  There’s a thing called the whistleblower act, which is there to protect employees from being attacked by their superiors for speaking out about what is wrong with the workplace. Dhar Mann has apparently been threatening actors who have spoken out against him with lawsuits on top of all this. So that’s cool. /s
https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRnVTBkV/ (A video of actors protesting that Mair recorded talking about what/why they're protesting.) (TW: There are whistles being blown.)
https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRnqPWbV/ (Protest video Nick recorded.) (TW: There are whistles being blown.)
I’ve seen people write off Dhar Mann literally breaking labor laws as his actions simply being ‘show business’, as well as invalidate the actors coming forward to talk about their experiences all because they’re independent contractors who Dhar Mann calls every now and then.  “Every now and then”, MORE LIKE EVERY DAY.  You do realize there aren’t just adult actors working in his studios, right?  There are child actors who are working under Dhar Mann too, and they should be getting paid fairly for their work.  Or else Dhar Mann’s gonna get into legal trouble again.  Either with a series of lawsuits involving the actors he fired suing his ass, the IRS coming after him, or he’s gonna serve jail time.  Either way, he’s in deep shit.  The reason why I say he’s breaking labor laws is because he’s (probably) not paying the kids who work for him fairly either. Quite a few of them appear to be elementary school age or middle school age, around maybe eight years old to possibly thirteen or fourteen years old. Maybe he shows the literal children working for him some mercy...because most of the people who watch his videos are children. I don’t know. Apparently they were supposed to stop casting actors who are minors (under eighteen years old), but there are QUITE a few kids working under this cringe ass nae-nae baby. So...that’s pretty fishy.
According to sources from commentators like AugustTheDuck and Jarvis Johnson, none of the actors who have worked under Dhar Mann have ever (allegedly) received a 1099 form for their tax returns from DM. 
Both videos AugustTheDuck made:
First one
youtube
Second one
youtube
The video Jarvis Johnson made:
youtube
A 1099 form, for anyone who has never heard of it before, is a form that independent contractors receive by the end of the year usually.  In this case, DM has (allegedly) not given any of his actors their 1099 forms, and it is mid-February (as I was typing this...it is now the end of February).  With independent contractors, which is what the actors who work under Dhar Mann are classified as, the maximum they can be paid without getting a 1099 form (1099-NEC, formerly known as 1099-MISC, and/or a 1099-K) is about six hundred dollars a year.  This was before the IRS changed the rules about that.  Clearly they are making WELL over $600 a year.  You know what Dhar Mann had to say about that?  PAYPAL should’ve given out 1099 forms to his actors, not HIM.  The payer (Dhar Mann, or anyone who handles payroll) is responsible for sending out 1099-NEC forms to his actors and the IRS.  PayPal is only responsible for sending out 1099-K forms to people using PayPal for business as well as the IRS if you made over $20,000 that year, or you made over 200 transactions.  Dhar Mann has made well over $20,000, and he has made well over 200 transactions. Clearly.  Please correct me if I’m wrong, but shouldn’t the actors be getting both forms? I feel like they should be getting both of those forms.
Every time the actors would band together to try having a meeting with Dhar Mann to discuss their grievances with their work environment as well as their pay, he’s nowhere to be found and he tells them to forward their grievances with HR.  They have sent Dhar Mann letters through hard copies and emails directly to him, which were forwarded over to HR.  HR scheduled a meeting for the actors to discuss their grievances and they wanted Dhar Mann to be present, as he was the person they were having issues with.  The meeting kept being postponed multiple times.  By the time the meeting came, Dhar Mann was nowhere to be seen.  He was obviously not present for the meeting he was supposed to attend.  Why?  HE WAS CONVENIENTLY ON VACATION.  Wooooowwww.  Your company is not big enough to where you can’t realistically be reached.
You think you’re too good to show your face to people who have worked for you for years, listen to their grievances, and try to come up with a solution, don’t you, Dhar?  If you’re such a big, important man, why can’t you be an actual boss and show up to meetings that you’re supposed to attend?  Oh, is it because the vast majority of the actors (former and current) are understandably pissed about how little they’re being paid by you?  Is it because the vast majority of the actors are sick of your shit?  Sounds like you can’t handle any sort of criticism from people who have worked for you for so long.  You know, I had an inkling that this kind of thing was happening behind the scenes before ANY of the actors came forward.  Then to find out that inkling I had was right all along…that’s not a good thing, Dhar Mann!  I thought you learned your lesson from getting in trouble for committing fraud almost ten years ago!  GUESS NOT.  It’s all come full circle.  
You paint yourself as a good guy, but you treat the people who have made your sorry excuses for channels huge like shit.  How the fuck do you sleep at night?  How do you think this is okay to do to people?  Do they not deserve to have enough money to be able to live somewhat comfortably with the means to pay for essentials? Hmm…let’s talk more about how you fired one of your actors for having medical issues that you were made aware of.  That’s against the law, under the ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act).  In California, the Fair Employment and Housing Act (FEHA) protects disabled workers.  But you’re all about supporting disabled people! That’s what you preach, right?  You know…until you have to work alongside them or you have to accommodate them in some way. Then disabled people are just a huge inconvenience for you. It’s too much to ask for you to properly accommodate anyone with medical issues, apparently. It’s such a hassle to check on anyone with medical issues that work under you and make sure they’re okay. Gotcha. /s
Summary:
Dhar Mann, multimillionaire, doesn’t pay his employees fairly!
Dhar Mann, Big Boss™️, gets all butthurt because his employees are speaking out against him! He fires everyone who speaks poorly about him and/or about the work environment instead of putting in the effort to come up with solutions! That’s just TOO MUCH to ask out of The Big Boss™️! /s
He will live to regret his decision.
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skloomdumpster · 1 year
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so bored that i'm doing a step by step of my gif-making process. if anyone has gif questions, now would be the best time to send
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buckistheman · 1 year
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@silassstingy
(not sure if you have seen my tags yet, but i am here to give you some infos I got from my hospital stay when I got treated for depression. Maybe something here will help you and your anon. it's ok if it doesn't tho :D )
. if you have meds for feeling like this at home, please take them. I still have phases when I forget to take them and then my brain is like: nah it's useless to take them anyway. But it is not.  . When depressed our brain forgets that activies can be fun because all the brain is aware of is how it drains our energy , or that we don't have money for it or that the thing is too far away or the whole organization of it and the anxiety to leave the house and the fear of rejection or just the thought of seeing other people there is overwhelming or that it is too big of a challenge or that you don't have the confidence/self esteem to do it or that you don't know who to ask for help. BUT activities have a positive side too. (to be honest, I hated this group the most in the hospital bc i could not relate to any of the positives and I still don't but I do have 1 that I am trying to remind myself of every week)
here are some positives of doing activities: being happier, meeting new people, having fun, the time goes by faster, staying physically active, getting new thoughts, getting new ideas for activities, to distract yourself from the negativity in your brain, to have a new experience, to remind yourself that there are people you enjoy spending time with (you just forgot how good it feels. It's ok if you do not believe me right now, i don't always believe myself this either)
there are two types of activities 1) active 2) passive
some active activities are: going on a walk, visiting a cafe, meeting people you know, going to the movies, playing a game, reading the news paper, shopping/grocery shopping, reading a book, talking on the phone, riding the bike (it's ok if you whisper no nope hell no to activities with other people bc same)
some passive activities are: sleeping, listening to music, watching tv, listening to the radio, drinking a coffee, sitting in the sun, taking a bath/foot bath
(the hospital gave me a list with over 200 many different activities, I can forward it to you and your anon if you are interested. :) )  . in my depressive phases, the last thing i want to do, is to be around people, but when I am out of the depressive episode, I have to admit, that it is what helps a lot (at least for me. Trust me I hated that realization bc I was always like, i have to get better first before i can be around people, but this is just your brain lying to you. It's just very easy to forget the good feelings that come when you are around people and a lot of the times I am just too damn exhausted to remember myself that it helps but I also like to pretend I don't know this info bc I just really do not want to be around people in those moments, lol.)  . here is a list of skills that can help with dealing with stress:
high level of stress relieve: -Feeling the stretch of Hair ties around your wrist (i like to snap them to my wrist, too) or use muscle-training-bands to traing your muscles -feel ice-packs on your skin -use the head of different brushes on your skin ( i have like a pan cleaner with like sharp needles, it's a very nice feeling :) ) -listen to loud music -in the shower, switch back and forth between hot and cold water -scream -walk barefoot outside -stand with naked feet in a stream, or try to balance on marbes, or walk on molar (idk i used duckduckgo translator) or walk on clay balls, or walk on cat-litter (i am just writing down what is written on a piece of paper I got in the hospital. But I am curious now to know what it feels like to walk on cat-litter.) -massage, massage devices, -in germany we have a candy that is like, doing a thing in the mouth called "Ahoi Brause" -sour candy -excersise on the wall: back leans against wall, knees are a 90° to the floor and move a tennis ball up and down your back -progressive muscle relaxation -workout -run for 5 minutes as fast as you can -hand trainers for guitar players -(it says Ammonia and Smell Cheese but idk, do at own risk)
eat a hot chili pepper (bc i am white, i am gonna say good luck here) -eat garlic -drink fresh lemmon juice -let someone hold you or hug you tight -hug yourself -go swimming in a cold lake -go into a sauna -put hot/spicey toothpaste into your mouth -melt an icecube underneath your tongue -massage yourself with bathing-massage-gloves -cuddle a hot (or cold) heating -place sandbags or something weighted on your belly -juggle -press down in sentensive spots: space between thumb and pointer finger, something with muscle and the clavicle (translation problem)
for lower stress relieve: -puzzle -computer game -reading -play an instrument -do sports: walking, running, skating, hiking, riding the bike, swimming, dancing, horse riding, volleyball,aerobic, boxing -chores: ironing, cleaning, chop wood, fix something, do laundry, tidy up, cook -do art, be creative, paint, draw, windowcolor, paint on a plant-bowl, paint on a tshirt -sing -memorize something: a poem, words in a different language, a song, phonenumbers, adresses, -put on fave clothes -go out: an amusement park, the movies, the theater -look at something like the washing mashine, wood in a fire, an aquarium, look out of the window or look into the sky -re-decorate: paint walls new, -play with a pet -look and pro-contra list and read it -write something: diary, letter, poem, pro-conrta list, (grocery)shopping list -plan something: an activity, a travel, a special hour just for yourself, a party, a surprise -mark a random route on the city-maps and walk along that route, or ride your bike
be with other people -visit a friend -write a letter -buy, paint or draw someone a gift or flower -help clean the dishes -play board games with a friend -write email or message -talk on the internet with someone -help with homework -help with chores -fix clothing -bake a cake with someone or cook with someone -listen to somebody -encourage somebody
replace feelings with feelings: -watch the kids channel -read a book -let a friend cheer you up with jokes -write something: diary, poem, letter -treat yourself: a hot drink in a cafe or ice cream or a milkshake, buy a new diary, gift yourself a flower, lay down to sleep, -watch soap operas -crumble a piece of paper, rip it into shreds, rip an old bed sheet apart, tie a knot into a towel and hit your bed with it or the arm chair -watch an action movie -write thoughts/feelings down and put it away until your next therapy session or talk with a friend -simple smile -take problems step by step instead of trying to fix it all at once bc it's going to overwhelm you
Thoughts: -count backwards, always take 7 away from your last number (it doesn't say on the paper at what number to start. do 100 or choose a random number?How about the year of your birth, or if you are bored use all 8 numbers. i could never do this in my head, but using a piece of paper is fine too) -play city-country-lake (idk that's what we call it in germany) -sudoku, crossword puzzle etc. -translate text from a different language -do a wristband with knots and open it again -tangle paperclips together and untangle them again -draw random dots on a piece of paper and try to connect them into a figure -create crossword puzzle yourself -build something with lego etc -paint a picture on the computer but hold the mouse upside down -write a text with your 'other' hand
calm yourself down with the 5senses:
seeing: -lavalamps -look at flowers -watch clouds pass by -watch washing machine -shake snow globe -watch into a fire -look at art/museums
hearing: -birds tweeting -music -mediationmusic -live concert -waves -sing -drums -raindrops -hearing-memory
smelling: -fave perfume -what's the smell in the morning? -what's the smell after rain? -flowers -freshly washed bed sheets -candles with scent -the paper mentions cheese again, this is a no judgement place so, smell that cheese if you want to -toilet spray -body creme
tasting: -chocolate, gums, candy, etc. -fresh juice -ice cream -selfmade popcorn -tea (cold, hot, however you like it, maybe you have something in your backyard or close by that you can use)
touch: -dogs, cats, horses, animals, pets -fluffy blankets, -soft or not-soft brushes -walk barefoot -(gentle) knock your fists on your body (this is my fave. i do not do it gentle. it gives me bruises a lot. but it helps me to Fell Myself.) -heating-pad -bath -plushed-animal -weighted-bags -massage-balls -fave pants -feel the bubbles from the soap while cleaning the dishes -try on shoes in stores . one thing that helped me a lot was the docs there looking at parts of my life differently than me. Instead of looking at my relationships and work-life and after-work life as empty, they said, look at it in a way that there is so much potential for you to do stuff.
. maybe you can bring yourself to write good things down that happened that day. for me it was a long time just 'felt the sun on my skin' even if you don't Feel it, thinking about something that could be positive is a step. The simplest things can do a lot over time. And it sucks that depression is one of those fuckers that make you feel like nothing is helping or working. one day I started to pick up trash that i found outside and even if there’s a hill of trash, picking up one thing is a step, too. So i had something to write down, i picked up trash, i took care of the planet, that was something good, even if i didn't feel it at the same.
. take time each day to think about what you can do well. Or maybe you can think of something you used to be good at. Tell your brain to shut the fuck up and drag those memories out. Maybe these questions can help you: What did you do? (example: you know how to built up a desk from ikea) When and where was it? (example: when someone I know moved and I helped them built it) Maybe there was a positive feedback. Imagine this moment again and then write it down.
. this is very long and i am not sure how helpful it is. depression is a piece of shit. and it's ok to ask for help and to take meds. i am on meds and i wish everyone had the same access to it. Because if I weren't on meds, I would still be locked inside my flat.
. Another thing i have been thinking about a lot lately is how depression is taking away your Hope. But us humans, we need Hope to live. We need something to believe in. A lot of people find that Hope or something to believe in in religion and that's ok. Others find it in science or the stars, or a tv show or band or actor or singer or in their kids. I find my Hope in my imagination. I do forget this whenever my depression gets triggered, but spending a lot of time thinking about it and telling myself what my Hope is, it has helped me to cut the depression short sometimes. And that Hope also gives me something to hold on to.
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Y’all I would like you to know that I’m trying my best to get some fics out that are just gonna rot in my drafts one day, but it is quite hard right now because of where I’m at mentally, so it’s hard to feel that motivation. A lot of writing I do is at home, which currently doesn’t feel like a home, but I would like to announce I’ll be publishing a collection of poems hopefully soon! In the meantime I’m also trying to apply for a job to have more work experience and money to leave the current house I’m in. Thank you all for the support you’ve been giving me on my fanfics and some of my poetry. You guys mean a lot to me!
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convexicalcrow · 2 years
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In which I decided to write the ending of this fic until it was done... 4k words later. XD Enjoy. <3
---
False landed on the outskirts of the Ancient Capital. She really didn't want to have to go and confront Pix again, but this wouldn't be over unless she did something about it. She didn't see him anywhere, though he was online somewhere. Maybe down in the catacombs? Maybe.
Maybe she should call for back-up. That might also be a good idea. Perhaps a better idea. But there was really only Impulse, and he was busy working in the nether last time she checked in with him. Scar and Cub were too far away to help right now. Well, she didn't know they were too far away, but she had trusted them to the nether search, and maybe an amnesiac and Scar were perhaps not the best pair to send on that particular expedition. Truth is, though, she wasn't sure she trusted them with this task either. She didn't want to risk either of them being infected again.
She sighed. Seems it was up to her to fix this problem. Pix had warned her to stay away last time, and she was very definitely ignoring that warning. Perhaps that was unwise. Still, no time to back out now, right? The skulk couldn't be allowed to continue infesting him, and if no one else was going to take up the fight, then it was going to have to be her, as usual. Cleaning up everyone else's mess. That seemed about right.
She slowly made her way into the city, trying to think of places where Pix might be, assuming he was here, of course. She didn't know for sure that he was here, but something told her that he was. The place was quiet, apart from the shuffling and kicking and sharp chirps of the dodos. It felt… eerie. Like the air knew something bad was about to go down. False didn't like that feeling either. Perhaps she was unwittingly walking into a trap. If she was, at least she could fight her way out of it. Scar and Cub wouldn't stand a chance.
Well, best start somewhere then. If she was going to get this far in, she might as well do this properly. She flew over to the catacombs and entered, heading down the stairs into their depths. Maybe he wasn't here either, but she had to check, just to be sure.
-
"Hey guys! Just a quick question before I head over, do either of you have any enderpearls?" Impulse said, getting them both in a call.
"I know I don't," Scar said.
"I know Joe donated a whole bunch to your base, Cub, but I don't know if you have any on you," Impulse said.
"Honestly, I haven't really looked through what I've got on me but maybe, maybe. We'll see." Cub got out his enderchest and set it down to look through his items. "Why did he give me all those enderpearls then? I don't remember that happening."
"I believe it was because you and Cleo burnt his totems. So he rerouted the trash to your base and now you have all the enderpearls. So yeah, have fun with that," Impulse said.
"Yeah, that seems fair," Cub said. He'd looked in a few shulkers and had found no pearls. "Not looking promising though. I have some prismarine blocks for some reason though in case you need those."
Impulse laughed. "Nah, I'm good. In that case, I'll bring the bedrock-breaking kit. You'll need to dig up to bedrock so you can help me find the best place to break it, yeah? I'll be maybe ten minutes. Three thousand blocks in the nether is a long way out for sure. How did you even manage that?"
"You know how easy it is to get lost down here! You take one wrong turn in unfamiliar territory and suddenly you're a thousand blocks from where you thought you were and can't remember how to get back!" Scar protested.
"He took me through the wrong portal. He wanted to show me the froglight farm but yeah. Now we're here," Cub said.
"Oh, of course! Anyway, hang tight, I won't be long, alright?" Impulse said.
"We'll dig up and meet you there, alright?" Cub said.
"Carve out a hole when you reach bedrock, there will be explosions!" Impulse said. "Make it Scar-safe, Cub! I don't want either of you losing your stuff this far out."
"On it, Impulse. Thanks again, I'm not sure I'd have been able to get us back. I'm… navigating is difficult at the best of times, let alone off the back of such a large blackout, yeah? So I'm glad you're here because I'm not sure Scar could have rescued us either."
"It's no problem, I was working in the nether anyway. I'll be over in a bit, yeah? Seeya soon," Impulse said and left the call.
"Well, Scar, I guess we're digging up," Cub said as he picked up his enderchest.
"I guess we are! Thank the Vex for Impulse!" Scar said as he started digging upwards.
-
False found no one in the catacombs. What she did find, however, was a very nondescript hole in the ground leading to a staircase that she almost didn't see because it was so covered with skulk that the stone beneath wasn't easily visible. Maybe- maybe she should go down there. That seemed like a better lead. She got out her communicator.
scar, cub, maybe get to pix's base as soon as you can? not sure if this will be dangerous, not sure he's even here, but you know, just in case?, False sent to Scar and Cub. If she was going to go down and confront him, she wanted them to be not far behind her, ready to unleash the hoards of Vex should she be infested or otherwise incapacitated.
She took a moment to steady her breath and drew her sword. "Alright, here goes nothing."
-
She headed down the staircase, carved out of the rock. The smell of skulk slowly got stronger, though whether this was a sign of his presence or not, she didn't know. But there was definitely skulk down there at any rate.
The staircase stopped, opening out into a large cave. In front of her was a great skulk covered … thing? There was a spawner there, she could see that now. Maybe this was for making skulk? Maybe. She dared get a little closer to the edge and looked down to see … wait, was that Pix sitting in the middle of all that skulk? It was hard to tell, there was simply skulk everywhere.
Dare she go down? That seemed… unwise. But then two blue-green bright eyes stared straight into her from down below, and she froze. Pix was definitely here, and he knew she was here too. And then the figure vanished, and before False could run, Pix had appeared through the skulk on the wall close by, veins shooting out to wrap around her.
"I thought I told you to stay away, vex," Pix hissed as he pulled her close.
"Er, yes, yes you did, you definitely said that," False said, trying not to show her fear.
"And yet, you ignored my warnings. Well, then. I can't be held responsible for what happens to you now. You should've stayed away. But perhaps that guilty conscience got the better of you. After all, why exactly are there two of you? Do you happen to know? Not everyone knows, but I know. I've seen into your mind. I've seen the secrets you're keeping from the other one, and from your friends. You wouldn't want me to tell, would you?" Pix said.
False froze. He couldn't possibly know. Could he? "I-I don't know what you're talking about."
"It's just you in different outfits, is that it? Like Gem and her LARPing? Yeah, that's definitely just it. Only there aren't two Gems here, are there? But there are two Falses. So, tell me, which one's the real one? You? Or the one who's memories you wiped and want to keep as far away from the Hermits as possible?" Pix said.
The veins squeezed tighter around False, and her sword dropped to the ground, the muscles in her hand cramping in such a way that she let go without warning. How did he even know all of this? There's no way he could know all of this. Right?
"There's only one False, I swear. I-It might just be someone who looks like me, right? That has to be it. A cosplayer, maybe. Maybe that's it," False said, struggling to find a more convincing argument without giving away how correct he was.
Pix laughed. A vein moved up her face and False could feel it trying to get inside her brain. "Now, I wonder what would happen if spilled all your dirty little secrets, hmm? I wonder if your friends would still be your friends if they knew what you'd done. Because that's the thing about skulk. It gets inside your brain. And the Vex don't care about you nearly as much as they care about those other two. Who'd miss you if the skulk claimed you as well? No one. Your dark heart is just what the skulk like best. It's rotten already."
Every word he spoke simply evoked more terror into False until she couldn't move, couldn't speak, could only stare into Pix's horrid glowing eyes as veins spread out through her hair, sinking painlessly into her brain. Pix's eyes were the last thing she remembered.
-
It hadn't taken that long to dig up to bedrock and clear a space. They'd had a lucky run and had managed to find only one spot of lava to get around, and now they had a nice little cavern carved out. Cub had already identified a couple of potential blocks Impulse could use. He hadn't forgotten everything, to be fair.
"Hey, hey! How are my lost little lambs?" Impulse said as he called them again. "I'm about a thousand blocks away. Are you up by the roof yet?"
"Yeah, we're ready. Got a couple of spots you can use. Want me to send the coords?" Cub said.
"Yeah, please do. It'll make the set-up faster if we don't have to do that once I arrive," Impulse said.
"Yeah, False has asked us to meet her somewhere as soon as we can, so anything that speeds up the process, you know?" Cub said. He got his communicator out and sent Impulse the coordinates he'd found. "Check your messages. I've sent the coords over."
"Thanks, man. I'll call again when I'm over there," Impulse said and left the call.
"We're pretending we don't know what False wants us for, right? If he asks?" Scar said.
"Yeah, of course. I got a feeling she's in big trouble though. The Vex are screaming again. We might need to deal with this on our own," Cub said.
"Oh, no, surely Impulse would help if we asked!" Scar said.
"Too difficult. Let's just keep it simple. The fewer involved, the better," Cub said. "We don't know for sure that she's been taken, but we need to prepare for that."
"Right, of course. We're going to need to be in Vex forms, aren't we?" Scar said.
"I think so, yeah. We may need to taunt them to bring them out, then attack. Focus on curing, not killing. Killing doesn't work, it just spreads the skulk. So we want to avoid that," Cub said.
"Right, right, of course. I didn't think of that. But the potions will be enough, right?" Scar said. "On the swords?"
"Should be, yeah. Of course, we don't know if there will be any other effects on a non-Vex like Pix, but we should be able to get rid of the skulk. False should be fine, though. But yeah, we should hurry over there as soon as we're out," Cub said.
-
Impulse was with them soon after, and before long, Scar and Cub were climbing up onto the roof as Impulse packed away his redstone.
"So where's the way back?" Cub said, looking around.
"Oh, I'll take you, don't worry. You kinda ended up pretty much east in a straight line, weirdly enough! So it won't take us long to get back," Impulse said.
"Oh, of course. That'd be right. Thanks again, Impulse. I don't know what we'd have done if you hadn't been around," Scar said.
"Oh, you could have just flown back towards zero-zero, but I get it, especially if False is asking for you. Come on, this way," Impulse said.
-
Cub and Scar took their Vex forms once they hit the overworld and had said goodbye to Impulse. Travel would be significantly faster, and they could collect the Vex who had been preparing to fight off the skulk. Vexspace was chaotic again, though. It seemed False had been ripped away from Vexspace and they'd lost contact with her. Definitely not a worry.
They went to Pix's base, where the skulk had spread so much that Pix's builds were almost buried under it. At least it was concentrated around the catacombs and the statue, but it still looked very ugly.
"I think this has gotten worse, far worse. More than we can handle," Cub said.
"Maybe, maybe. But we can't just run away. We're the ones who can actually fix this. We can't let the skulk keep possessing our friends like this. It was hard enough with you, I don't want this to happen to anyone else, alright? We go in. We fix this," Scar said. "I promised I would burn all the skulk in this land for what they did to you, and I meant that. This ends today. We take them all down."
"Then I guess we'd better go find them then, hadn't we?" Cub said.
-
The Vex flew, phasing through the land as they sought out Pix and False. They quickly found them underground by the skulk machine. Cub held them back. He didn't want to risk Vex lives if he didn't have to. But it did confirm that False had also been corrupted. They sat down in the skulk, watching the spiders from the spawner above them fall and die, spreading skulk all over the stone below them.
"They can travel through the skulk. Their bodies may be difficult to hit. But I don't know if seeding the skulk with the potions would also work," Scar said. "I know they can do that, because I saw you do it, Cub, before you were cured. Their bodies are like the Vex, impermanent faces of the skulk itself. How do you fight something like that?"
"Hmm. Tricky. Maybe we try both? Some distract Pix and False and get them stabbed, while others seed the skulk itself? Do you want to lead the charge, Scar? Hotguy those pesky skulk into oblivion? I can watch from here and see if the potions work on the skulk down here. Maybe it will if there are bodies attached," Cub said. "And if it doesn't, we'll be backup."
"Sounds good to me. Alright, half the Vex, come with me! We're moving in!" Scar said.
Cub watched them peel away, hoping they would be successful. Two would be far more difficult to deal with than one, but maybe they could succeed if they attacked from both sides, through their bodies, and through the skulk. They could move faster than the skulk could, able to teleport instantaneously elsewhere in the world. Dropping their nametags would transport them back to Vexspace. That was the plan to save as many Vex as possible.
Cub looked down, distracted by shouting. Pix and False were definitely distracted, though it was hard to see what was going on. The impressions Cub was getting from the other Vex were veins being used as lassoos, or as whips, attempting to grab the Vex out of the air and kill them, but the Vex were tricky, and had no physical body, so the veins just didn't work at all.
Cub got his potions out, and uncorked a couple of bottles. "Now, maybe we'll all want to stab the skulk with our swords too, but I'm going to pour it on. If anyone wants to take another couple of bottles and get closer to the skulk down there, that may work too. Splash them onto the skulk, that should work. I hope."
A few Vex came forward and took some bottles, emboldened by their fellow Vex being untouchable. Cub gave out as many as he had, and then started pouring the potion onto the skulk, hoping it might make it retreat, or die, or, well. Something.
-
Scar swooped down to slice at False, managing to hit her arm this time. She cried out and tried to hit him back, but he was too fast. They were slowing down as the potions kicked in. That much seemed clear.
"Got you, Falsie! The skulk won't take you this time!" Scar cried as he flew around and went in for another attack.
"You couldn't kill me last time, what makes you think you will now?" False spat, eyes angry as she shifted around him.
"Oh, I've brought all my friends with me this time. You'll have to try harder than that," Scar said, dodging another attack as False's sword barely missed his ribcage.
A flurry of Vex collided into her, and she cried out, clearly in pain. "No! What have you done to me? Stop the burning!"
"The skulk must die, False. All of it must die," Scar said.
Scar wheeled around and went after Pix, catching him off-guard as he sunk his blade into his shoulder. Pix nearly got him as he turned and swiped at him instinctively, but Scar was out of the way before Pix could react.
"The skulk will die! All skulk will die!" Scar cried as he flew up to the spawner and broke it, denying the skulk below any further fuel.
-
The skulk hadn't really retreated much from the potions thrown onto it, which Cub wasn't surprised about. Instead, he got out his hoe, the one thing he knew would work to clear up the skulk, and got to work, sending the rest of the Vex to go help Scar.
If the skulk wanted to spread so badly, clearly the antidote was to remove it and stop it spreading. He'd seen Scar remove the spawner, and he clearly wanted to destroy whatever contraption this was. Cub was fine with that. He worked fast, pushing the skulk ever lower, ever smaller, as he shrunk the space the skulk took up.
Scar seemed to be holding his own, too, though there had been some struggle at first to figure out how to fight them when they kept disappearing into the skulk. Apparently annoying them into a fight was the solution to that particular problem, and then it became easy. Well, easier. They would still need to watch them, and keep throwing potions at them until the skulk was clear. Getting them away from here would also be a benefit. They didn't want to risk the skulk spreading to them again.
-
"Oh! Remove the skulk! Good idea, Cubby!" Scar said as he checked in with him. Pix and False were still struggling, but the skulk seemed to be weakening. He grabbed his hoe out and started clearing the area, tasking the Vex with keeping the potions up until it seemed safe.
"If you think the skulk will forgive this, you are wrong. We have been here from the very beginning, and we will be here at the very end of time. Our memories are long. The Vex will pay for this!" Pix said as he lunged at Scar.
"Oh, oh no! Not this time!" Scar said as he flew out of the way. "The skulk will not live! Give me our friends back!"
Pix seemed to stiffen, his body stilling, as the skulk seemed to retreat. "Enjoy what's left, then, pathetic little vex."
Pix collapsed then, and Scar was at his side, catching him before he hit the ground. He picked him up in his arms and got him as far from the skulk as possible. "Cub! Help!"
Cub was by his side immediately and took Pix in his arms as Scar handed him over.
"Take him somewhere with no skulk. I'll go get False," Scar said.
"On it. We'll head back to the mansion, quarantine them there," Cub said.
Cub flew off, and Scar went back to see False staggering towards him, arms outstretched, reaching for him.
"Oh, False! You looking for me? Try catch the HoTGuY now!" Scar said as he loosed a few more potion-tipped arrows into her.
"You'll pay for this, Scar! I'll have your head as a trophy for this insult!" False said as she tried to grab him.
Scar circled around, taking a moment to remove some more skulk, before he turned to find her on her hands and knees, eyes looking big and afraid and finally free from skulk.
"False? You okay?" Scar said, keeping another arrow locked on her just in case.
"S-Scar? I-I don't-" Her voice was cut off, and skulk veins seemed to come after her, grasping her ankle. She looked behind her, trying to pull away. "Oh, god, what's going on? Scar? What's this?"
Scar flew down and cut the veins loose. "Get back! She's ours! Try it again and I'll burn this whole place to the ground!"
He pulled False into his arms and flew away from the skulk. "It's okay, False, I've got you. You're safe with the Vex now."
"Vex? Am I a Vex?" False said, exhaustion filling her voice.
Scar didn't cry, not yet anyway. "You're the best Vex I've ever known, False, I promise. Now, let's get you out of here."
-
Pix and False had been placed in the same room Cub had recovered in once they got back to the mansion. The priests were tending to them to ensure the skulk had completely left them. Scar and Cub were at least together now, pacing near the room, anxiously waiting to hear how they were.
"I hope they haven't forgotten as much as you have, Cub. I'm not sure I'd forgive myself if that happened," Scar said.
"It's not your fault. None of this is your fault. You didn't erase my memories, the skulk did," Cub said.
"But-but I should have noticed! I should have been with you! Not messing about in Trouble Town! As soon as I felt you leave Vexspace, I should have been with you," Scar said.
"Honestly, Scar, please, stop blaming yourself. It's not going to solve anything, alright? Just be glad we stopped the skulk. And you destroyed that machine, right? So hopefully there's no more skulk spreading anywhere," Cub said.
"Oh, I destroyed it alright. I burnt all the skulk from Pix's empire and restored it with Joe as best I could. That machine is dead. Gone. Buried. We tore it all apart, and burnt everything. Hopefully that's all we need to do," Scar said.
"Yeah, here's hoping the fog doesn't try it again, too. That's where I got corrupted, apparently," Cub said.
"Well, you can't destroy fog! But you can stay away from it. So hopefully this will teach everyone to stay far away from that fog," Scar said.
"I hope so. I don't want anyone else going through this. Come on, I'm starving. Let's go eat. You can tell me more about the things I've missed. Maybe it'll jog my memory after all," Cub said.
Scar brightened. "Yeah! Joe said he was making some kind of rabbit stew too, like a really, really good one! And he made cookies for dessert!"
"Well, I can't say no to that," Cub said.
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raposarealm · 2 years
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Just saw the character questions you reblogged! I don't know who you've answered about in the past, but how about either Geo Stelar/Subaru Hoshikawa and/or Sonia Strumm/Misora Hibki? I'm almost positive you've probably answered about them already, but they're my favorite characters in Mega Man Star Force (Alongside Luna). Thank you for reading this, even if you don't respond!
YES ABSOLUTELY I WILL ANSWER
Also surprisingly nobody's sent in Subaru or Misora (or any Starforce characters, actually) yet.
Ok I'll do this in two, but first: Subaru because I will always, always be ecstatic to gush over him because he's my favourite. Also, this got super long so read more to save people’s dashes:
Why I like them
Oh god where to start. Literally me. he's literally me when I was a critically depressed hikkikomori kiddo floating in-between grades in high school. Right down to the space nerdiness. But, I digress.
First off, I don't see too many well-written representations of depression and trauma (or PTSD in this case, arguably,) in the media I consume or in general really, but the few that I do see tend to be the kinda 'Izusu Ren' archetype: gloomy, melancholic, tearful, and often self-harming or even suicidal (especially in Ren's case particularly.) This is accurate to some folks, yes! But, not so much to my experience with the illness. I'm not suicidal, I'm not self-harming, I'm not tearful and sad and mopey. And, neither is Subaru! He's not sad, he's angry, frustrated at the world in general and at himself specifically. He's self-deprecating, but also cynical and paranoid to the point of delusion. He's actively forcing himself to stay this way at the beginning of the first game (I'll ignore the anime for now,) because he's so terrified -- phobic, even -- of being abandoned or betrayed again, and it's just... easier to keep everyone away if you convince yourself that everyone's out to get you, or angry at you, or if you just see people as caricatures instead of, well, people. And that's so dead on the mark of how I act, it's almost creepy.
Subaru has no energy, no motivation, and that's what depression does to you, the 'depression' is the depresses energy, 'cause your brain's not producing enough serotonin, enough dopamine, and your nervous system isn't working right. But, all that paranoia and delusion ends up giving Subaru some pretty severe anxiety issues as well, which isn't really surprising given how often those two disorders overlap. He's not a classic textbook-example of depression, he's an amalgam of different disorders, all compounded by occurring in his early formative years! It's not really known if he had friends before Luna gang and Misora, but there's a good chance he didn't have any close ones -- which might have been why he was so close to Daigo, and why he couldn't physically move on from his death/disappearance for three whole years, until Warrock shows up and very literally drags him back into the world.
But Capcom didn't go full edge here, not at all, because once he's given a reason to keep moving, even one he might not have wanted at first, Subaru can't keep up the cynical façade anymore, he can't keep convincing himself he doesn't care about people, because he does, more than anything. I feel, Subaru kinda embodies the whole 'with great power comes great responsibility' line, y'know the one. He didn't choose to fight, he was forced to by the imminent crisis in the moment (either the out-of-control train in the game, or the derailed monorail car in the anime.) He didn't want to fight, he was scared, he straight up has a panic attack in the anime even; but, even if he didn't care particularly about the rest of the town, even if the classmates now dangling precariously over a hundred-plus-foot drop had previously left a bad taste in his mouth, these were still people, and therefore, he couldn't think of them as objects. There's a line he quotes in game 1 during the denpa-human attack that I've already made a whole post on, but I'll repeat it here again since it really sums up Subaru's true view on things: "Even if there was a sliver of a chance, it's better to do something." I compared it to a line said by Shinobu Akira in her story in Magia Record, "Inaction is Cowardice," and I feel that both lines also resemble a principle I strongly try to live by: Noblesse Oblige, or "Nobility Obliges," the ideal that people in power should help those who don't have it. (Or, as defined by the OED, "privilege entails responsibility.") Even if Subaru didn’t care particularly about anybody in danger, or otherwise, once he fully realized that, as Ryuusei, he now had the power to fight and protect others, he had a duty to do so. This was especially expanded upon in game 2, which, yes, joke all you want about the story, but I still feel that at least this part of the plot was handled really well. 
Having Subaru break away from the ‘gung-ho warrior of justice’ archetype we tend to see in both shounen and magical girl genre series (fight me), or maybe even just from his predecessor Netto’s pure nosiness and naïve curiosity, let Subaru have a character arc that mirrored the arcs of the characters he fought, and eventually saved. He’s having to overcome his past, the way Misora and Luna were. He was having to overcome the cynicism that had come to be his shield, the same way Gonta was using his image as a cruel ‘tough-guy’  to hide his insecurity. He had to learn to place his trust his new-found friend(s), the same that Utagai had to learn that not everyone was out to get him (and frankly, both had to learn to trust Amachi specifically, ehe.) He had to learn to persevere through the right path, even when facing insurmountable odds, the way Ikuta had to learn to fight for what was truly important to him, consequences be damned. And don’t even get me started on Tsukasa and Hikaru. Hell, Subaru even had to re-learn to see people as individuals, and to place hope in them, the way Warrock had to do when encountering Daigo, and again through Subaru himself. Actually honestly the dynamic of those two is just, fantastic thank you. It kept his character from feeling stagnant, since he didn’t start at a good place, he had room to grow and improve -- but also room to dip back down again, to have impactful ‘darkest hours’, and just moments of true, well, mental illness. 
And since the plot of the series is so heavily character-driven, Subaru ends up getting to the point where he chooses to keep going, to keep fighting and protecting others. He chooses to keep his own development going, into a true ‘shining star’ of hope for others. (Ok look I was trying to make a pun here, laugh, dammit.) And the hope others place in him ends up powering him in both a metaphorical sense, and in the very literal sense of the Brotherband. He’s only able to activate the Star Force when he vows to protect Luna no matter the cost. He’s only able to break free from the control of the OOPArt[s] through the force of his will to prevent harm from befalling those dear to him (once again Luna, I know.) And look I’m sure game 3 has an equivalent with whatever’s going on with the Noise Changes but I still haven’t finished it because D-pads are my enemy. He’s only able to be guided back home in the game 1 ending by the collective bond, the Brotherband, between him and his friends, even the ones who hadn’t formed a formal connection were still so dear to him that the connection became a literal path. ...Have I made it clear how much I love the Power of Friendship trope, because it’s literally The Best. 
And maybe that’s the core of it all, Subaru as a character, and through that Ryuusei as both an alias and extension of the two characters that form it, embodies the power of friendship, of bonds, of hope so integrally, yet he’s not the annoyingly bubbly, over-optimistic protagonist that usually gets that type of theming -- he’s believable because he falters. He never gives up hope or faith, but he comes dangerously close, and he’s still prone to a whole load of self-doubt and deprecation that comes with being the one shouldering it all. Also, how did this end up turning into a Madoka theme analysis? Whoops. Basically, I like Subaru’s character theming in the same way I like Madoka’s character -- a realistic, but not dark or edgy, response to their situations, and a inseverable, if not unwavering, hope.
Why I don’t
Ok, usually I have an answer here, but... Nope. Subaru is literally my favorite okay, I don’t dislike really anything about him.
I will note that, for the anime’s writing of him in particular, some of the impact of his arc is lost by speeding up his ‘recovery’ from his depressed state. Actually, my problem there might be that the anime kind of implies that Subaru ends up defeating his mental issues permanently, with the only relapse shown in the middle of the season much more to do with active trauma (and some goading from Cygnus) than with anything more deep-seated. Here’s the thing: depression, anxiety, trauma (and resulting PTSD), any other illnesses/disorders you could argue Subaru to have... they’re treatable, they’re combatable... but they’re not curable. They don’t magically go away, they don’t even go away with all the work in the world. Mental disorders are the result of a physical deficiency and/or deformity in the mind, whether neurologically or chemically. And the source of that issue can’t be cured, because it’s a fundamental part of how your brain works. It’s like saying that an autistic person can’t be ‘cured’ of autism -- because it’s a fundamental issue with how our brains are wired to work. 
The game doesn’t do this, fortunately, and instead does the opposite: it goes almost out of it’s way to show us how these illnesses and issues are still there, they’re still affecting Subaru and every way he functions. He’s never going to be ‘cured’ of his depression, trauma, anxiety, etc., but he still overcomes them the best he can -- and when he can’t, he’s got friends to pull him out of whatever funk’s got him this time. The anime kind of nerfs Luna gang into secondary characters a lot of the time (though arguably set up to be main during the short-lived and much better Tribes,) and while Misora is sort of set up to take their place, they take too long to fully let her and Subaru be actual friends instead of just teammates. Amachi and Utagai kind of fill in a little, but their adult status kinda makes them feel more like mentors and teammates more than proper friends. (Anime-ver. Amachi definitely feels like an older brother-esque figure to Subaru, at least. Utagai, well... he’s Utagai.) However, I wonder how much of this had to do with the show possibly just not having enough time to build things out at the pace they were moving.
Favorite episode (scene if movie)
Since I’ve mentioned both game and anime versions here, I’ll give one for both!
For the game, definitely the scene mentioned above from game 1, during the denpa-human attack on Kodamasho. This part of the game takes place directly after the culmination of the Libra arc, which ended in the school play, where Luna mistakes Subaru in a poorly-made costume for the actual Ryuusei (until Kizamaro fumbles his queue and blacks out the spotlight, which, having now worked with a manual spotlight, that’s not hard to do, give the kid a break he’s short.) Luna’s already starting to act on edge around Subaru at this point, since A) she’s not sure who she saw in that moment, but she can’t shake the suspicion that Subaru and Ryuusei are connected somehow, and B) her puppy crush on Ryuusei has started to evolve into a much more tangible crush, but on Subaru instead, so she’s frazzled and it doesn’t take much for her to start going off the deep end panicking when she, well, witnesses her two closest friends turn into some sort of pink floating monstrosity right in front of her. Her clinging on to Subaru instinctively helps cement Subaru into the rare leader role, and we get to see him act under pressure, in civilian form, with a panicked friend in tow. The line mentioned above is given in this part, where after tactically traversing the school grounds for an exit, Subaru realizes he’s definitely gonna have to fight his way out of this one, and accepts this all on his own, no prodding from Warrock, no complaining or cowering, he immediately moves to thinking of how to protect Luna who’s still clinging to him like a lost puppy. So, rare Cool Subaru, a not-so-rare flustered and panicked Luna (which helped to transition into her arc in the next part,) solid character growth on both parties, and my favorite line of all time.
As for the anime, I’d say I’m split between three. The first scene being Subaru and Warrock’s first meeting. It’s so drastically different from the game’s version, but I sort of liked having them get a chance to properly meet before chaos ensued. It’s rather comical, so it sets up the ensuing gravity of the fight to come in the next episode. 
The second scene, the Ryuusei vs. Harp Note fight. Note (ehe) that in the anime, Misora was unconscious during this fight, and her arousal signaled the end of the skirmish. As a result, Harp was in complete control of Misora’s body, and that led to a much more dangerous opponent than what Harp Note would be later on with Misora conscious. This fight had a surprisingly little amount of dialogue, given what’s normal for the rest of the series, and animation-wise, you could tell that lead storyboarder Shingo Adachi had his hand in this one, it’s one of the best in the season. Subaru demonstrates real efficiency and skill with the battle card system, as well as the high agility and speed he becomes known for throughout the series. The best part, though, being one of Harp’s lines before the fight -- in response to her rhetorically questioning whether her adversary was Warrock in henkan, he effectively tells her to shush and go back home... and then Subaru responds separately as Ryuusei, with much more dignified dialogue of course. Harp responds bewilderedly asking if Warrock’s host was actually conscious, cementing how rare a team such as the two of them working together was. It’s an early indication of both Warrock’s unique nature among the denpa, as well as showing how in-sync (or maybe in-synchro, this is the same studio after all,) the two are. 
The third scene, Subaru returning after the encounter with the Satella Admins to rescue Warrock. Given everything that had happened between the two at this point, Subaru’s decision to throw his wariness and anger of Warrock out the window to save and reunite with him, first, is obviously a really good Power of Friendship scene, which is just the best. But, secondly, it shows more character growth on Subaru, and a lot of it all at once. Warning for spoilers, but Warrock had been accused of being Daigo’s murderer, but in the end, Subaru decided that there wasn’t any way that could be true, that this person that he’d come to know so well just wasn’t betraying him. Finally embracing gut instinct and a blind faith in a friend sets Subaru on the upswing of his arc in this season, and helps to bolster Warrock’s character as well. (The premiere usage of the Star Break coming in the scene after this makes it even better.)
Favorite season/movie
For games, game 1 is my favourite game of all-time now. Like, it’s displaced Drawn to Life, the namesake for this blog even. For the anime, Tribes was better than season 1, ridiculous Gainax ending aside. I just know that if they’d had more time/episodes, it would’ve far eclipsed the source material of game 2.
Favorite line
Already answered above: “Even if it was a sliver of a chance, it’s better to do something.” (I know Daigo said it first but shush)
Favorite outfit
I mean, he wears the same thing pretty much all the time? But, I do like his normal civilan wear, and good ol’ Ryuusei also looks real neat. (Also the concept art outfit from the cancelled game 4 is actually awesome and also the only good thing we got out of that.)
OTP
Look, honestly, Subaru’s kind of shippable with any of the main adolescent cast, but also, I don’t strongly ship him with anybody really. But I guess if I had to pick a pair, Subaru/Tsukasa. Also, Subaru/Kizamaro of all things works... better than it should.
Brotp
Subaru/Gonta and Subaru/Misora! (Or better yet, all three of them as the game 3′s terrific trio!)
Head Canon
He learns to knit because Akane suggested it a bunch of times (she’s canonically said to knit in game 2,) and even though Kodama’s too warm for winter wear, any time he ends up somewhere actually cold, he has a scarf that Akane knitted for him earlier on.
Also, for a decidedly less cute one: since in-game, Subaru would die if Ryuusei did, I assume damage taken in henkan carries over to his civilian form. Thus, I imagine after months of fighting, he’s developed some fairly impressive scars, mostly on the limbs and back from near-misses and being surprise attacked. He usually wears long clothing as shown in canon, so they’re not visible normally, but during Phys Ed and other points where he would have more skin showing, he covers the scarring with a makeup concealer (probably found at like, the local drug store or something.) This would apply to Misora, too.
Unpopular opinion
Y’know, I don’t think I have one of these this time.
A wish
Let him continue to stay with the friends he’s grown so close to.
An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen
Capcom, don’t you dare pull out that cancelled game 4 ‘edge rebellious teenage phase’ Subaru y’all implied. I. Will. Fight. You.
5 words to best describe them
Stubborn, Resilient, DEPRESSED, Anxious, Determined.
My nickname for them
I affectionately call him ‘my boy’ because he’s my favourite and therefore my boy; I also call him ‘Mohawk’ (though I also call Kill La Kill’s Kinagase the same thing and that made for a confusing summer 2017) and also ‘Cockatiel’ because everyone else like to joke about that.
WOW THIS GOT LONG it also took me like three hours so sorry Crystal
Gonna get to Misora next, because I can’t not gush over her too
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slusheeduck · 2 years
Text
Count Only The Happy Hours
[I] [II] [III][IV] [V]
VI.
It was odd, being on the cusp of something so great and terrible and still having to deal with the banalities of life. Vivec was already prone to musing over the divine and mundane and how very, very close they were in the calmest of times, so cutting his hair felt particularly sublime in the wake of the war they were about to wage. Like he was making room for the fire that’d soon erupt through Resdayn as they drove out the Nords.
Well, that, and he wasn’t sure when he’d next have access to a nice mirror and sharp razor. 
He was careful and methodical as he drew the blade over his head, hand steady as a skiff through silt. So engrossed was he that he just about sliced his head open as a broad hand rested on his shoulder.
Nerevar gave a wry smile, then sighed as he crossed his arms. He was quiet for a very long moment, and Vivec did nothing to interrupt. He was very rarely disappointed in what Neht had to say after a long silence.
“Sorry, sorry,” Nerevar apologized once Vehk drew the razor away, unscathed, luckily, and trying very hard not to look startled. “I just…thought we could speak for a moment, before we went out.”
“Of course, Neht.” Blade set aside, Vivec perched on the edge of the washroom’s very fine tub. “I’m always happy to speak. Too happy, if you ask anyone else in our party.”
“I’m afraid,” he finally said, voice soft in confession, “that I’m becoming slipshod in my thinking.”
Vivec blinked. “Then why come to me?”
“Because I trust you, Vivec,” he answered, as if it were the most obvious thing in Nirn. “You’re…a little over-romantic, I’ll admit, but your heart is good, and you let it guide you. That’s valuable, especially in our situation.” He was quiet again, then glanced up. “It may be that we have to do some very terrible things, if we want to free Resdayn. And at the start, it was a…a necessary evil. But now…” He sighed, running his hand through his fair hair. “I’m less certain.”
“Reach heaven by violence, then,” Vivec murmured; he wasn’t aware he’d said it aloud until he caught the look Nerevar was sending him. He froze a moment, afraid of being caught in his eavesdropping, and quickly added, “Or…don’t.”
Nerevar shook off his surprise–as Vehk noted to himself to be more careful in adopting poetic turns of phrase–and furrowed his brow as he looked off at nothing in particular. “What do you mean by that?”
Vivec drummed his fingers on the stone of the tub. “I mean that the choice is yours. I can’t tell you what to do–even if I were in the leagues of Sul or Voryn–but…but I think, if we help more people than we harm, it’s better that we shoulder whatever sins we must so others can live better than we have.” He looked up at Nerevar, face serious. “I’d give up whatever virtue I have to free Resdayn, to keep the Chimer out of slums and…and to keep what happened to Sil and I from ever happening again to other young mer. We are the heirs of Veloth, and we know better than to believe that our exodus was sterile and bloodless.” He stopped as his voice grew louder, the familiar stirrings of a righteous speech thrumming in him. He stayed quiet, for just a moment, then continued, voice soft and serious, “But either choice you make will be an act that carves a path for us. So you can sin or you can not. But…even St. Veloth, with all his followers, it would have meant nothing if he didn’t act at all.”
Nerevar was quiet again, eyes fixed on one particular spot in the wall. Vivec stayed put, fingers clenching and unclenching as he waited for some sort of response. Praise, dismissal, anything.
Finally, he pulled his gaze back to the present, settling on Vivec. His mouth twitched, and it took a moment before he finally asked, “Where’s Sil?”
“In the library, I imagine. He spent all night working on that spider of his, still as anything.”
Neht nodded slowly, gaze distant. “Go get him. We’re going to be leaving shortly.”
“You think he’s still there?”
“I’d be much more surprised if he isn’t.”
Vivec looked over him curiously, about to ask if they were changing the plan. Instead, he simply nodded. “Of course, Nerevar.”
~
There wasn’t very much distance between the washroom and the library, so not terribly much time to muse over what the future might hold. But that didn’t stop Vivec from starting to think on it. What sort of terrible things? They’d killed before, quite often. Blood on their hands wasn’t unusual. Perhaps they’d start conscripting people; but then, how many Chimer would actually be opposed if it meant they’d be free? He supposed–
His thoughts were interrupted as he opened the door, replaced with a stream of curses that escaped his mouth as something cold and hard jumped straight at his face.
He automatically swung at it, but it was already skittering away. As Vivec reined in his surprise, he looked up to see the thing going straight to Sil. He started to lunge for it, but stopped as he saw the wide grin splitting Sil’s thin, serious face.
“I said I could make it better, and I was right,” he said, looking over the rebuilt spider as it twitched in his hand. “And it has less materials than the original design–I could probably make a whole new spider with how much was left over. Its core needs fixing, but I think, if I could find a soul gem, it could power it for so much longer than the current model does.” He looked up to Vivec, pale eyes bright. “We can use these, Vehk. They’ll be quick a-and less dangerous–for us, anyway–and…” He paused. “Do you think Nerevar will like it?”
This, possibly, was the most Sil had ever spoken all at once, and it took a moment for Vivec to catch up from the shock of it. Finally, he nodded, returning the smile. “Yes, I…I think he’ll be very, very impressed.” 
That seemed to please the boy very much, and a smile–though smaller than the one Vehk had been greeted with–stayed put on Seht’s face as he set the spider back onto the desk. “Of course, this is a prototype, just like how it was for the centurion spiders. But when we go back to the Dwemer, perhaps we can get more materials.”
“Well, that may be happening sooner rather than later.” Vivec started to gather his things. “There’s been a change of plans, and we’re heading back out soon. Probably this evening at the latest.”
Sil’s excitement dimmed. “Because of us?”
“No, no. Just…a new plan. I don’t know the specifics, but things are probably going to be taking a very different route than the one we’ve been following.” Vivec pauses. “It’s a little exciting, actually. I love a good twist in the plot.” Ah, no, remember: more warrior, less poet. At least for now.
He could still take notes, though. For later, once they’d reached heaven–violently or otherwise.
~
They left the city the same way they’d entered, staggered in groups. First Sul, to set up the camp; then Vivec and Sil, in the midst of the bustling midday to stay unseen, and by evening, Voryn and Nerevar joined them. They’d had enough time to send word to those who had gathered in town to join their cause of where to go, warning them to come over the next several nights under the cover of darkness. Nerevar, by virtue of his devotion to Azura, had a natural distrust of Nocturnal, but Vivec swore he heard a whispered plea for her darkness to cover their allies in the coming days.
Correspondence went out to Dumac and his own forces; it was too soon in the alliance talks for them to offer any more than mercenaries in terms of soldiers, but–bolstered by Sil’s demonstration of his modified spider–Nerevar gladly welcomed any mechanical things they could spare. There was an air of unease of letting a boy manage something so alien in such a delicate situation. But Sil didn’t have the same vocal need to prove himself that Vivec had–still had, admittedly, even after his years of service. He simply worked, his previous focus of his studies now turned to the spiders and spheres delivered from underground, with the hesitant aid of a few mercenaries’ basic knowledge. Vehk kept an eye on him when he had the chance, looking for any signs of Seht being overwhelmed; if he was, he hid it well beneath bright eyes and mechanical chatter that no one but a Dwemer could make heads or tails of.
As for Vivec, he’d taken Sul’s rebuke to heart, he really had. He listened in their strategy meetings–which were maddeningly uninformative as to what Neht’s new plan was, considering half of them seemed to take place when he wasn’t around–and kept his words focused on the task at hand, not the account for the future. It wasn’t fun, not even slightly, but then, war wasn’t supposed to be. When he wasn’t listening, he was back to scouting; Nerevar was preoccupied with the defense around Hofstaag, wanting to know entrances and exits of the city. His reports were crisp and concise, with only pertinent information.
By the Three, was it boring to live this way. He supposed this explained why Sul and Voryn were…like that.
But ultimately, Vivec had done what he had been told to and been an exemplary soldier. So, with some validation bolstering him, he went to the fire that night with quill and parchment in hand. He wasn’t sure where to start up again, but he knew once he started he likely wouldn’t be able to stop.
He’d just sharpened his quill when a glint of metal caught his eye, and he smiled as Sil settled next to him, fair brows furrowed as he worked at what looked like the body of one of his jumping spiders. Vehk rested his elbow on his knee, chin plunked in his palm as he watched the boy work for a moment. 
“You really are taking to these clockwork beasties like a netch to the air,” he said. “Have you secretly been a Dwemer this whole time, Seht?”
“No,” Sil said plainly. He paused, seeming to realize that it was a joke once Vivec laughed, and looked up from his work. “It’s very straight-forward. Put the right pieces together, and they do what you want. Not that different from magic–easier, actually; magic you sometimes have to account for emotions.”
“And was that ever a problem for you?” Vivec asked. “Having to deal with the emotions part?”
Sil shook his head. “Nall did,” he said quietly, going back to his work. “But she’d never really liked magic all that much anyway. She’d just started…” He trailed off, throat flexing as he swallowed. Vivec didn’t dare say a word; some days, he knew, were harder. He didn’t so much as blink as Seht dropped that train of thought. “I was always good at separating the two.” His brow furrowed again, and he added, very softly, “I wanted to be a Psijic.”
“A Psijic?” Vivec repeated, equally quiet. “The ones over in Summerset?”
Sil nodded. “I’ve heard they take people from other races, besides Altmer, if you’re good enough.”
“Then why are you talking about it like a childhood fancy?” Vivec asked, then gestured to the half-spider. “Find me an Altmer forty times your age who can make sense of that. I guarantee you won’t.” He grinned as his chin returned to his palm. “I’ll come with you, with all your accomplishments written out. Sotha Sil: mage, inventor, liberator of Resdayn–you know, I’ll even do it in verse.”
“Do not, Vivec, please.” The words were muttered with all the exasperation expected of a young mer, but there was no hiding the hope, however fragile it was, that danced over Sil’s face as he fiddled with the gears inside the spider’s chassis. 
“I’ll have one ready, in case you change your mind. It’s inevitable that you will, you know,” Vehk quipped back, still smiling, before he settled back to start at his own work. But before he could so much as tap his pen, more movement caught his eye. He smiled up at Nerevar as he sat across from them, then put on a pleading face.
“Please don’t tell Alandro I’m writing,” he whispered, just loud enough over the crackling of the fire. “I won’t be able to stand the look he’ll give me. It’s like having the sky be disappointed in you.” He sat up properly at the weak, tired smile Neht gave him, returning it with a frown. “Something’s wrong.”
“Nothing’s wrong,” Nerevar quickly assured. “In fact, everything’s going very well. It’s just…very hard.” He rubbed his face with a long sigh, then stayed very silent and still. After a few moments, even Sil looked up from his work, a small frown of his own mirroring Vivec’s. But they both stayed quiet, waiting for Nerevar to take the lead on whatever soon-to-be-had conversation was hanging darkly over the three of them.
Finally, Neht drew his head up, taking a breath as he looked over the two of them. “In three days,” he said slowly, eyes reflecting the fire as he met each of the younger mer’s gaze, “we’re going to do something incredibly dangerous. And I need you both to do exactly as you’re ordered. This time, it is a matter of life and death.”
Despite the seriousness of what Nerevar was saying, Vivec couldn’t help but feel a flare of petulance in his chest. So it hadn’t been bad luck keeping him from the majority of the strategizing; he’d been excluded, no doubt dismissed as a troublesome youth even with all his work. But, righteous though he was sure his anger was, now wasn’t the time. So he merely nodded, and Sil did the same. 
Another pause, this time with Nerevar shutting his eyes. When he opened them, the hesitance melted from his face, replaced with a look of steely determination. 
“We’re declaring war on the Nords,” he said, “by burning Hofstaag to the ground.”
Silence followed, only broken by the now-foreboding crackling of the flames between them. The air was terribly still, and Vivec, for once, was left without any idea of what to say. On one hand, it was drastic and so very, very risky. On the other…action was the only language the Nords seemed to speak, and a small part of him roared in anticipation of sending such a damning message.
“What about the mer?”
Both Nerevar and Vivec were started by Sil’s question. His thin jaw was set firmly, expression sharpened even further by the flames throwing his face into harsh relief. Nerevar was the first to shake himself out of his reverie.
“I…don’t know what you mean, Seht,” he said. “But our for–”
“Not them. The mer in Hofstaag, the ones in the slums.” Sil’s voice was clear above the flames, and his eyes bore into Nerevar with challenge. “If we burn down Hofstaag, they’re in danger, too.”
Vivec had traveled with Nerevar for quite some time now. Sil probably wouldn’t notice, but there was the slightest twitch in Neht’s mouth; he’d thought of this as well. The question of sin suddenly made much more sense. There was clear deliberation in his face before he finally looked away.
“Azura will protect them,” he said, voice firm and confident. Vivec almost believed him, but he knew the words for what they really were: a prayer, not an assurance.
“But they’ll have no idea,” Sil shot back. “We have to get in before, warn them of what will happen.”
“There isn’t time,” Nerevar said, voice tightening as his frown deepened. “We’ll risk showing our hand. This has to be a surprise, and done with no warning.”
“But Chimer will die!”
“And many, many more will die if we’re caught,” Nerevar snapped, voice low. “In war, Sil, you have to think about the greater good. Even if it means doing terrible things to bring that greater good around.”
Vivec expected Sil to be cowed by Nerevar’s chiding, but he saw another argument about to bubble out of the boy’s mouth. Quickly, he rested his hand on Sil’s shoulder, squeezing it in a silent Shut up as he looked to Nerevar. “We,” he said, punctuating the word with a hard look at Sil, “understand, Neht. We’ll be waiting for instruction, and we’ll follow them to the word.”
Nerevar let out a long breath, an undeniably grateful look sent Vehk’s way, and he gave a short nod as he got up to his feet. Vivec and Sil stayed silent as he faded into the darkness of their surroundings, no doubt to wrestle with his guilt.
Once he was gone, Sil jerked his shoulder out of Vivec’s hold. “We have to do something,” he said, fire still in his voice. “We have to talk to someone. Voryn o-or Alandro…”
“If Neht’s gotten to this point, then Voryn and Sul agree with him. And they’ll be unshakeable,” Vivec said, running his hand through his hair. “Look, we’ve said time and time again: Azura has blessed our mission. She’ll protect the mer in Hofstaag.”
“Like she protected Ald Sotha?”
Oh.
Vivec looked up at Sil; rage seemed to fill every bit of the boy as he stared at Vivec, making him tremble hard enough to rattle the metal parts in his lap. There was no sign he would lash out, but, if he were just a few years older, he could tell that there would be something very, very dangerous in this silent fury.
“The daedra do nothing, Vivec,” Sil spat out. “They don’t care. If…if none of the others will do anything, then we must.”
“We? You and I?” Sil nodded, and Vivec let out a disbelieving little scoff. “Because going off on our own worked so well before?” 
“We can plan. Come up with…with something. But we must do it quickly.” Sil pulled the chassis from his lap, eyes darting about as he thought. “I…my spiders aren’t ready, but, but I know there’s a way to make them combust. If we can start on the far side of the slums…”
“We’d have to go through the whole city for that,” Vivec said, shaking his head. “I’ve been around the whole perimeter of it.” He set aside his parchment and quill and grabbed the long stick used for tending the fire. In the dirt, he drew a crude imitation of Hofstaag’s walls, with Xs serving as the entrances and exits and a wavy line serving as the slums. “You see? The governor’s mansion is up here, and any way to enter there–especially the hidden ones–are going to be far too secure. We have to go through these areas, and that would be dangerous.” He rubbed his face–a habit picked up from Nerevar, no doubt–then kept his mouth covered as he looked over the map. “If there was a way to get word out…a whisper or a rumor or…”
“Or a notice.” Sil’s eyes had traveled from the map to the parchment, and he looked back to Vivec. “You can write something. In Chimeris, maybe, warning about what’s going to happen.”
“And when someone snitches?” Vivec asked dryly. “Or when the odd Nord who’s picked up enough Chimeris can get an idea of what we’re saying? No, that’s as good as a bounty.” He rolled the stick in his hand; despite his dismissal, words and ideas were already starting to dance in his head. “But…perhaps it’s a notice from the Nords.”
Sil frowned. “There aren’t any Nords on our side.”
“No, but we have someone who can write like one.” Vehk gave Sil a smile as he picked up his parchment and pen again. “Skalds are Nordic poets, and as much as I can’t stand the people, I admire the way their poems are ingrained in their society, and I’ve read quite a bit. Know your enemy and all. So even their official notices have a particular cadence to them.”
“It can’t be a poem, Vehk.”
“Not a poem. An…homage, let’s say, to the stark lyricism of Nordic government issues.” Vivec chewed his lip as he looked over the blank page. “Notice, effective immediately: anyone not descended from the noble sons of Ysgramor…”
“No.”
“You’re right, too much. Notice, from the office of the governor, effective immediately: all knife-ears and animals…Ah, they’d say that, but even Nords show a bit of nuance in paperwork. All mer and beast-folk are required to vacate the city of Hofstaag. Any who don’t comply will be…persecuted? That doesn’t sound right. Penalized, no, severely penalized, there we go.” He looked up to Sil. “Threatening enough without overdoing it, yes?”
Sil sucked in his lips before giving a shrug. “I can’t think of anything better.”
“Then we have our notice.” With a flourish of his pen, Vivec started to write. “Now, we will have to be very, very quick, and very, very good at sneaking.” His eyes flicked up to Sil. “Voryn keeps his cloak in the wagon, in the storage area under the driver’s seat. It’ll be too big for you, but in this case, that might work in our favor. Go get it.”
Sil blinked. “Are we going tonight?”
“If we want to do so without getting caught by our enemies or our allies? Yes, we’re doing this as soon as the ink dries.” Vivec let out a quick little breath, willing his hand to stay steady. “And if Azura won’t help us, then let’s at least pray that Mephala will.”
~
There was a crumbling bit of wall Vivec had found in his last scouting that led straight into the slums, a place favored by thieves and those doing illicit business. By a stroke of luck, it was empty when they arrived despite the late hour, and Vivec ushered Sil through before he followed. He’d considered coming alone, truthfully, but again he recalled how well that went. Besides, the fire was still burning bright and clear in Seht; he’d have followed no matter what to see it through. 
Once they were on the other side of the wall, tucked out of sight behind a ramshackle building, Vehk got their bearings. The danger of this task seemed amplified in the quiet city streets, and every way it could go wrong hung heavily over him. After a moment, he pulled a dagger from his belt. “Take this,” he whispered, meeting Sil’s pale eyes very seriously. “You can’t use your magic, it’ll be too obvious. With this, it’s two motions.” He demonstrated: one sharp pull out of the sheath, and a sharp, sideways push into an imaginary threat’s belly. He sheathed it before holding it out to him. 
Sil looked down at the knife, then back up to Vivec. “Do you think I’ll need it?”
“I pray you don’t. But if you do, do what I said and then run.” 
Sil’s brow furrowed, but he took the knife. “And you? What will you do?”
Vivec swallowed, then set his hands on either side of Sil’s head, face as serious it’d ever been. “I know you don’t trust Azura,” he said, voice a whisper. “But I will keep you safe. No matter what.” A little smile eked its way out of him. “Okay, hla’daesohn?”
Sil’s mouth twitched, but it didn’t come close to a smile. After a moment, he slid the knife onto his own belt and nodded. Vivec let out a long breath, then led the way out. Cloaked as they were, hoods drawn far over their faces, they went unnoticed by the few people out at this hour. Vivec could hear the whispers of clandestine meetings–tones differing as they bounced off the stone walls of the alleyways–punctuated with the odd call offering a night of pleasure for a low price and pleas to be allowed in, they hadn’t had that much skooma. But none were threats, and the one hollow-faced boy who came sidling up just a touch too close to Seht was easily scared away with a sharp look from Vehk. 
“Here,” Vivec whispered as they crossed a wooden wall of a fence. “We’ll put it up here, that ought to be in everyone’s eyeline. Sil, keep watch while I get it up.”
Sil nodded, and he turned to keep an eye on the street, dagger shifting back and forth between his hands. Carefully, Vivec pulled out the parchment. It didn’t look very official, but he couldn’t imagine anyone looking too hard at it. The Nords would be overjoyed, and everyone else would be expecting it. And, realistically, this was the only option they had.
“Guards,” Sil said softly as two voices wafted down the alley. 
“Nearly done.” Vivec pressed the notice to the wall. Now just to secure it with…
“Vivec, hurry,” Sil hissed as the footsteps grew louder, to which he received a “Shit, shit shit shit,” in return. He looked over his shoulder, eyes wide, and Vivec met his gaze with a horrified one.
“I didn’t bring anything to secure it with,” he whispered. His eyes darted to the footsteps that became ever-louder, keeping time with his thudding heart. He’d been thoughtless, and it’d cost them again.
Sil looked to Vivec, then to the alleyway, then to the parchment. His eyes flicked about, thinking very hard. Finally, as the guards let out a laugh that echoed through the alley, he pulled the knife from its sheath and slammed it into the parchment, fixing it to the wall. Vivec allowed himself one breath to be impressed with Seht’s quick thinking, then quickly grabbed Sil and pulled him back into the shadows just as the guards rounded the corner. They paused, and both mer held their breath as one went up to the fake notice. With a wince, Vivec wondered if it perhaps looked too dramatic with the knife.
“Shor’s bones, Eirfa really needs to stop giving Stedvar knives,” the other guard said. “He thinks he looks like a real hard-ass putting up notices like this. Just a waste of a good weapon if you ask me.”
“Huh! Looks like old Vanskyr finally wised up, come look at this.” The first one stood up straight. “About damn time we clear out the knife-ears and animals. Get this place civilized.” (Vivec, it had to be said, was quite proud that he knew the Nord voice so well.)
“Wait, really?” The other joined him before letting out a loud, “HA!”
Vivec let out a long, silent breath. There, the Nords were convinced, and that’s all they needed. He nudged Sil, urging him to move, and they tried to slip away. But the movement gave them away.
“Hey, you! Halt!” the first guard called.
They both froze. Slowly, Vivec turned around, nudging Sil behind him. He stared at the Nord from beneath his hood, ready to draw his blade. Sil knew where they’d come in; he’d push him toward it if things got ugly. The guard crossed his arms, looking unbearably smug.
“What’s got you skulking about at this hour, elf?” he asked.
Vivec swallowed, then put on a demure face. “I-it’s my brother, sera,” he said, averting his eyes. “He has terrible nightmares. We…walking helps, after he’s had one. We were just heading back home.”
“Oh, no you’re not. New decree just came out: all the elves and cats and lizards are out of Hofstaag.” He pointed toward the city gate. “So you’ll be having a nice old walk out of the city.”
It took every bit of Vehk’s acting ability to look panicked. “But…sera, please, let us get back to the house, our mother is…”
“Look at the sign, elf,” the other guard drawled. “It’s effective immediately.”
The first leaned down, flicking at Sil’s hood; he pulled it back down, but luckily, it seemed like the guard was just trying to irritate rather than identify him. “Listen here, little knife-ear. You want to see your big brother here get punished? He’s resisting authority, and that’s a big crime.” Sil shook his head. “There, you already seem smarter than him. Why don’t you try and talk some sense in him? Surely whatever you’ve got at home isn’t as valuable as your brother’s teeth?”
Sil hesitated, then looked up at Vivec. His face was, as always, unreadable; in this case, it worked to their advantage. “Let’s just…go out, V–al’daesohn.”
“That’s right, Valdayson,” the guard mocked, butchering the word thoroughly even without Sil’s slip. “Just go out, and there’ll be no trouble. Your mother will be right behind you, along with the rest of you yellow-skinned devils!”
Vivec slipped his arm over Sil’s shoulders, finally turning away from the Nords and guiding the younger mer out from the city gates. Neither of them breathed until they were through, and Vehk didn’t let go of Sil until they came to a bend in the road. Once they were clear, his arm dropped, and he and Sil looked at each other.
“It…it worked,” Seht said, breaking the silence first. “It worked.”
Vivec let out a disbelieving little laugh. “It did. By Oblivion, it did.” He gripped Sil’s shoulders, giving him a wide smile. “We’ve done the impossible, Seht. We saved people! By the Three, once the others hear…” He trailed off, glancing overhead. On the horizon, the barest sliver of gray lightened the sky; Azura was entering her domain.
“We’ll celebrate later,” he said. “We need to get back to camp before anyone realizes we’re gone.” He picked up his pace, darting off the road for a shortcut back; all the scouting certainly paid off in that respect. Sil followed after, right on his heels. 
For quite some time, they walked in silence, a mutual rush of success keeping their steps light and providing more than enough fodder for a pleasant walk. And, even more surprising than their success, it was Sil that finally broke the silence for once.
"What are you going to do when I'm older?" he asked. "You can't call me your little brother forever."
"I wasn't aware that siblings were age-restricted," Vivec said, voice light. "But then, I was born an only child. Not much room in an egg, you know."
Sil was clearly still in a good mood, because he didn't even roll his eyes. "I mean, it's not, but we're not actually brothers."
"No? You know, Seht, it's funny with stories; if you tell them long enough, they start to become fact. And, well…I've told the story now of you being my brother so many times, I'm starting to think it might be true." He looked over his shoulder with a smile. "But then, you were there each time. So in this case, you can tell me if I'm wrong or not, and I'll amend my story."
Sil blinked a few times, until finally he shook his head with a little smile. "You're ridiculous, Vehk," he said as he walked a bit faster, passing him as they approached the camp.
But, Vivec noticed, Seht didn't correct him.
[VII]
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ryn-holt · 1 year
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Ouroboros MC
@louroth
Name: Cai
Age: Stopped counting after 100
Height 5’ 10”
They/them
Id/Leith Route
Wanted to be a Healer for as long as they could remember so that they could help people
They became a skilled healer who was respected by their patients their blunt and dry personality saw them with a difficulty of making friends with the community they helped to serve
After a bounty gone wrong Leith was found barely in one piece and brought to Cai to save. Cai spent an entire night making healing them
When Leith became conscious saw the disheveled, exhausted Healer and immediately flirted to which Cai responded that they’d not spent the last nine hours busting their ass just so they could flirt
Leith ended up needing to stay for week to heal and be monitored and the entire time Leith and his sunshine self doing his best to befriend a bemused Cai
Leith promised they be back to visit and to Cai’s surprise he did after a few months and Cai finally believed that Leith wanted to be around them despite their sometime abrasive personality
Leith brought out the best in Cai and for the first time the Village saw Cai regularly laugh and joke with someone, giving the town a look past their gruff demeanor 
Leith made regular visits and slowly over a few years they were best friends
Then the River happened
After they became a Druna they felt lost but Leith helped them learned how to use their new body to their advantage and taught them how to fight
This is when Cai realized they were in love with Leith
Became the Team Mom frequently being teased for keeping all sorts of remedies on them at all times, no one can complain or a headache or sore throat without Cai pulling something out of their bag while also scolding them for not taking care of themself
Also is the biggest hypocrite because Leith will have to make them eat and sleep because they will try and power through
After their transformation they find themselves most comfortable when not in the town
Leith and Cai both agreed that Id was hot and wanted to date him
After Ids transformation and death of their team Cai asked to be released from the Hunters
Didn’t really fight back when Id tried to kill them due to guilt for everything
First fifty years were booze and grief and then the time after was a slow crawl of learning how to live again
Absolutely threw the official summons in the fire and had to be dragged back by Id
Mostly because they didn’t want all of the memories coming back
But like Id also represses shit to the Max so it’s going to be fun when Leith comes back into the picture
Currently relationship with Id ‘Fuck you!’ No fuck you!’ While loud pinning is heard in the background
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whiteshipnightjar · 4 months
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Zoozve, my beloved
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