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ugly-crying-over-bucky-barnes · 3 years

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Roguish Women Part 48

Summary: Kate is an American who fled to Paris to escape her past life. Now she's dancing and playing the part of a courtesan at the Moulin Rouge. There she meets Tommy Shelby who thinks she can be useful in expanding his empire. But has he been blinded?

Part 48: Kate and Tommy’s wedding. During the reception, Alfie asks a serious question.

“Tommy and I are getting married tomorrow. I still can’t believe it. Even saying it out loud is like a surprise.” Kate laughed softly to herself. She was in the stables, taking her time grooming Blue. It was spring and his winter coat was shedding off and Kate wanted to see his black coat gleaming in the warm sun again. She spoke softly with the gelding as she combed his made and brushed his coat.

Although she was happy about finally getting to the altar after such a long time of waiting, nerves were starting to get the better of her. With her past and with Tommy’s, it was hard to tell what the future held. But what Kate wanted was to at least try to guarantee a good life for their children.

Besides, she decided that maybe she was still clinging to the idea that she didn’t deserve love. Something that she knew Tommy struggled with too.

“I’m sure everything will go alright. At least Tommy’s already gone through a wedding before.”

“Oi, heard that.”

Kate poked her head out of the stall and smiled. Her fiancée was walking down the stable aisle. “I’m just stating facts.” She replied with a smug look. "Out of the two of us, you're the one with wedding experience."

Tommy chuckled and pecked her lips. “You might want to duck out while you can, the boys are coming soon.” The day before the wedding, Arthur set up to go hunting in Warwickshire to celebrate with just the lads. “And they’ve already had a go at some champagne.”

“Well, I’ll make myself scarce. I don’t want to ruin the fun.” She teased.

“Oh please, they’d get a kick out of you coming along.” Tommy stroked Blue’s nose as he poked his head out of the stall to greet him. “Want me to take him?”

“What do you think?” Kate cooed to the gelding. “Do you want to go along for the hunt?” She patted his strong neck. “I think he’d have fun. Lord knows I can’t entertain him much.” She rested a hand on her stomach. It was more than obvious that Kate was pregnant. At five months she had gone through a variety of getting dresses rehemmed or buying new clothes all together.

“I’ll take good care of him,” Tommy promised and began to head to the tack room. But his fiancée stopped him.

“Y’know, I was talking to Frances today,” She said. “Um, about the nursery.”

The two had talked plenty about the pregnancy and subsequently the child or children, depending on if Polly was right. They had even discussed names. But the upstairs of Arrow House had become like a minefield.

Grace’s room was locked and only Tommy had the key. The unfinished nursery that adjoined the room was still under debate. Kate felt as if it was her duty to make sure she wasn’t forcing him into anything. The estate had more than enough rooms to accommodate them if he wanted to close off that part of the hallway.

Yet Tommy had pushed his feelings down. Deep down. As if he was trying to force everything to be okay.

“The nursery is half done.” He replied. “All the furniture is new; we’d just need another cot if it’s twins like Pol says.”

“If it’s twins then maybe we should use one of the bigger rooms?” She moved cautiously through the conversation. The last thing she wanted to do was put a damper on his day. But she still thought it was important.

He met her eyes. “Kate, we talked about this.”

“I know I just worry that you’re not addressing how you feel.” She touched his cheek. “The more honest you are with yourself; the easier life is.”

“We have time on another day to discuss it further.” He kissed her cheek. “Go on back to the house and rest. We’ve got a big day tomorrow.”

~~~~~~~~~~

“I think you’re right about twins, Pol,” Ada said.

“When have I been wrong?”

Kate chuckled softly. She turned right and left to look at herself in the mirror. Ada wasn’t joking. She remembered seeing Ada and Esme pregnant and they didn’t show nearly as much as she did. Especially in a wedding dress, it was hard to conceal. Not that she particularly meant to. She didn’t think anyone who was coming to the wedding that day would be openly critical. “Are there twins in your family?” She wondered.

“Maybe a pair on the Strong side,” Polly recalled and walked over to place a dazzling barrette in Kate’s hair to hold back the curls from her face.

“I didn’t know my mother’s side of the family very well,” Kate admitted. “It may be from her family.”

Polly pivoted the conversation. “Are you sure about walking down the aisle alone? Arthur said he would walk with you.”

“Yeah, he talked to me about it yesterday.” Kate mindlessly adjusted her dress in the mirror, smoothing a hand over her baby bump. “I appreciate it, but I’ll be alright.” There was never a point in her life where she pictured anyone giving her away. She never pictured herself walking down the aisle, to begin with. Her father was never fit enough to be that sort of figure in her life before his death. She felt much more comfortable making the short walk by herself. That's how she found her way to Tommy, all on her own.

“Here.” Ada helped Kate step into her heels so she wouldn’t have to bend down.

“Well, if you change your mind, I’m sure Arthur won’t mind the short notice.” Polly smiled and made sure every Kate’s hair was in place.

Ada glanced up as she fixed the straps of Kate’s heels. “Is it true you invited Alfie Solomons?” She wondered.

“I know his popularity in the family is mixed but he’s a good friend.” Kate asserted so there would be no confusion on the matter.

“It’s your day. Whoever you want at your wedding, you can invite.” Polly nodded in agreement. Although in the back of her mind she hoped that Tommy had prepared the others to see Alfie. She didn’t want the wedding erupting in chaos over some old bad blood.

~~~~~~~~~~~

“I’m leaving.”

“Brother, easy.” Tommy grabbed Arthur by the suit sleeve before he could storm across the lawns and out of sight.

The guests were starting to take their seats and it just so happened that Alfie Solomons had a near front-row seat to watch the affair. He had a beautiful woman on his arm, Mabel. She looked less like the painfully shy thing that Kate had met at the boxing match. In fact, she was positively glowing with happiness as she exchanged kisses with her sister and the other ladies of the Forty Elephants.

“You invite him to your fucking wedding? Your home?” Arthur seethed under his breath trying not to cause too much of a scene until he had an explanation.

“Kate invited him,” Tommy replied quietly, not to draw attention to them. “And I won’t have you fighting with him on my fucking wedding day. I’ll keep him away from you if you promise you won’t kick-off. If you upset Kate, you're dead.”

Arthur narrowed his eyes and reached into his coat pocket for his flask. “Could’ve warned me.” He muttered.

“I did tell you. Not my fault you were too high on snow not to remember.” Tommy let go of Arthur’s sleeve, confident that his threat had done the trick. “He’s retired, anyways.”

“Men like that don’t retire.” Arthur tucked his flask away.

"Men like us don't retire." Tommy clarified.

The sun had come out, thankfully, for the wedding. Although Polly wanted the union to be under God’s watchful eye, Tommy and Kate had balked. Kate was unsure if she wanted to step on a nerve and get married in the same church Tommy and Grace did. There was no use in being forced to relive painful memories on what was supposed to be a happy day.

Kate suggested perhaps getting married outside. Arrow House had plenty of room out in the lawns. And it reminded her of John and Esme’s wedding. There was something so romantic to her about the beautiful countryside in the spring.

Tommy agreed and a suitable wedding venue was arranged. They were just fortunate that the weather had held and it hadn’t rained like the week before.

So many times, Tommy had thought he’d lost Kate for good. On his journey to bring her home, he was restless as they crossed the Atlantic.

He hardly slept at all, spending most of his time, smoking on the deck of the ship. In the night, he waited until land came into view. But the inky black expanse of the waters and the night sky gave him nothing.

He tried to think of what to say to her. The last words she spoke to him still cut so deep. He knew they weren’t true. She still loved him. But she was trying to keep him safe, trying to sacrifice herself.

He pictured beating Santo Leoni into a bloody pulp. The sound of the gun as he put a bullet through the man’s head.

Finally, the coast came into view. Exhausted but the drive to bring Kate back to safety kept him awake and alert.

On the phone, Frank told him that Kate was fine and that she had killed Santo herself. Tommy hung up and could barely stand still as he waited. The wait at the port felt longer than the entire trip across the ocean. Every second dragged on until the car pulled up.

Kate threw herself out of the car before it had even stopped. Tommy felt so much relief he could’ve cried. He vowed to himself that he would never let her go from that point on.

“You look like you’ve gone into a dream state,” Kate murmured to him when Tommy took her hand.

“I’m trying to convince myself it isn’t a dream.” He replied with a soft smile.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Oh, they’ve been inseparable since he left for Margate. Lillian said Mabel hasn't come back to Camden since she first visited him. She simply had her stuff sent to her. Been there ever since and has no plans of leaving.” Alice loosely held the champagne flute in her hand. She and Kate were speaking on the edges of the dancefloor. "Of course, everyone's talking about it, but nothing to change. They seem to be in love, far as Lillian says."

Arrow House was abuzz with energy after Tommy and Kate married. The reception was considerably less proper compared to Tommy’s first one with Grace. With no cavalry members in sight, it was a little more relaxed. Not to mention the number of criminal masterminds in attendance. But truthfully, they were the most fun.

Kate looked smug watching Alfie and Mabel talking across the dance floor. “Well, I won’t say I told him so.”

Alice smiled and finished her champagne. “Alfie handed over some paperwork to me this morning.”

“Oh?”

“Wants me to take over the bakery.”

Kate tried to play it cool even though she was excited for her friend and even more excited that Alfie had gone through with what he said. Maybe this was his final act of retirement and his acceptance of his new life with Mabel. “Well, you have the support of the Peaky Blinders.”

“Just can’t wait to see Sabini’s face when he finds out.”

“Ha,” Kate snorted. “I’d like to see that too.”

“Mind if I interrupt?” Tommy stepped into their conversation.

Kate beamed. What had been such a beautiful ceremony was melting into the ideal she never knew she wanted. A life forever by the side of the man she loved.

“Of course.” Alice smiled. “I’m going to go find Lillian and Ruby.”

Tommy took Kate’s hand and led her to the dancefloor. Holding her close, they began to sway together to the soft jazz music.

“You haven’t gone off to meet with some crazy Russian duchess again, have you?” Kate teased.

He chuckled. “For a Shelby wedding, this has been very uneventful.”

“The night is still young.” She murmured in his ear with a smile.

“I like it better this way.” He admitted. “I didn’t want anything to happen, it wouldn’t be fair to you.”

“You’ve always treated me like I’m some sort of royalty.” She lightly ran her fingers up the nape of his neck.

“That’s how you deserve to be treated. Every day I was apart from you, I promised I would make it up to you.”

“Tom, you don’t need to beat yourself up because of the past. I’m here, we’re finally married. We’re going to be parents soon. Everything that happened, happened. And despite all of it, all my paths lead back to you.” She stopped dancing a moment so she could look him in the eyes. “And they always will.”

Tommy saw the world in her eyes. A world very unlike the one he had planned for so many years. In Kate’s eyes, he saw himself walking away from everything. Moving into Arrow House permanently. Raising the children, they would have. Spending his days riding horses, hunting, and being the best father, he could.

Those blue eyes invited him to do all of that and more. But he couldn’t. Not yet.

He gently kissed her, hoping that he could hold steady onto his given path.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Thought I’d find you out here.” Tommy sat down on the front steps next to Alfie. “Mabel was asking around for you. Kate had me come look for you.”

Alfie seemed to snap out of his thoughts. “Oh, congratulations, mate.” He hadn’t really heard what Tommy had said to him. “Kate’s very happy. Y’know, before all this she’d come into me office. I figured it was because she was doing her fucking job but then she’d start lamenting to me about you. Like I were her gossip buddy.” He snorted and shook his head. “She wanted nothing more than to have you but didn’t think she deserved it. Of course, you and I both know it’s the opposite way around, innit?”

Tommy shrugged.

“I don’t deserve Mabel. Not in a million years. Not even if God himself came down and told me we were meant to be.”

“I thought you two were hitting it off. That’s what Kate said.”

“I ain’t never been so happy.”

Tommy raised an eye at him. “Then what’s the problem, Alfie?”

The man beside him took a heavy deep breath. “I’m dying, Tom. I told Kate at the boxing match. I’ve got skin cancer and it’ll kill me in a couple of years if I’m lucky. That’s why I want you to kill me.”

After two blows, Tommy was a bit speechless. Alfie was dying and he wanted him to kill him. In what world were they living? This certainly wasn’t the man who had threatened to shoot Tommy on many occasions.

“I’m not going to kill you, Alfie.”

“Oh, c’mon you know you’ve wanted to fucking put a bullet through me head ever since we met. I ain’t blind. Now I’m giving you the option and you turn it down like a scared little boy?” Alfie wasn’t angry. When he was angry, everyone around him knew. No, this was fear. Fear coming from a man who claimed to be fearless.

“What would that do to Mabel? Aye? And d’you think Kate would ever speak to me if I did?” Tommy questioned harshly. “You’ve got another part of life to appreciate, try not to skip out on it.”

“Yeah, how much you think I’m gonna enjoy that while I’m rotting away?” Alfie demanded. “While Mabel watches?”

Tommy shook his head. The logic wasn’t lost on him. How many nights had he been wide awake wondering how long he had to suffer? How much longer would he tolerate the pain and weight of the world? How many times had someone held a gun to his head? How many times was he completely at peace with the cold metal of a gun pressed against his skin? How many times had he waited patiently for that click and then….nothing.

“I’m not killing you.” He said again. Because if Tommy had given in, he wouldn’t be sitting there. Married and about to be a father. “We’ll get the best doctors in London to help.”

“Oh, right. So now you’re my saving grace?” Alfie rolled his eyes. “Fucking ridiculous. I don’t want some fucking doctor drugging me up. I ain’t gonna roam around life high like you lot.”

“I know you don’t think you deserve Mabel. Maybe you don’t. Maybe I don’t deserve Kate. But look at us, aye? They’re still here with us. You fucking need God to come down and explain that to you?”

Alfie grunted and crossed his arms over his chest. “I knew you’d be no fucking help.”

“Take it up with Kate. See how she reacts and then you’ll realize how much easier I was on you.” Tommy replied and lit up a cigarette. “She’d go ballistic.”

The two men sat out in the breezy spring night. Past the gravel drive was nothing but dark countryside with the sounds of nocturnal life.

“I saw the ring Mabel was wearing.” Even at his own wedding reception, Tommy was perceptive. He could never turn it off even if he wanted.

Alfie merely muttered something incoherent under his breath.

“So, I invite you to my wedding but I’m not given the same courtesy.”

“It were a gift.” He grumbled crankily. "Can't I buy jewelry for her without people getting their knickers in a twist?"

Tommy tapped the ash off his cigarette to the step beside him. “So, no plans then?”

“Her mum threw a fit when she found out. Even in retirement, I’m still the devil of Camden. No one wants their women near me. Her mum hated that we were friends when we were kids. Guess she thought she was in clear, that I wouldn't ever go near Mabel again.” He let out a humorless laugh. "Guess she were wrong and now I'm corrupting her thirty-four-year-old daughter. S'fucking ridiculous."

“Since when have you cared what anyone else thinks?”

“I don't. But Mabel's getting an earful every night. Ain't fair to her." Alfie shrugged. “Just know there won’t be no blessings coming my way, that’s for sure.”

“Except for Kate.”

He laughed. “It’s tough to disappoint her, innit?”

“I think she’d be disappointed if I killed you especially if she found out you asked me to do it.”

“There’s just no pleasing some people.” Alfie shook his head.

“Come on.” Tommy stood up. “Don’t want Kate thinking you’ve skipped off without saying goodbye to her.”

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ugly-crying-over-bucky-barnes · 3 years

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Field of Poppies Part 25

Summary: After being apart for six years, childhood friends Tommy and Amelia reunite under odd circumstances. Tommy is an outspoken young man and Amelia is pregnant and out on the streets. The bond of family can be unbreakable but it is tested often. Especially when Europe descends into war.

Part 25: Some have trouble adapting to home again. Some are gearing up for trouble they’re going to cause.

By August of that year, Barney was locked away in the asylum. It happened so suddenly. Although he certainly hadn’t been himself since his last gunshot wound in the trenches, everyone had hoped that he would reacclimate as time went on. But his behavior only got worse. He was prone to violent outbursts that he didn’t even remember seconds after.

Tommy and the rest of the 179th did their best to try and keep him calm and out of trouble. But there was only so much they could do. A few episodes at the Garrison was one thing. Harry could accept that the man was clearly out of his mind and not doing it on purpose. But the rest of the public world couldn’t understand.

Barney was arrested a few times. But his was committed after he bit a cop and tried to escape jail. He was deemed insane soon after.

Amelia knew Tommy took it very hard. They all did. These men who were parts of their lives were suddenly changed beyond a point of return. And there was nothing they could do about it. They couldn’t visit Barney and they couldn’t get Danny’s fits under control either.

Rosie was at her wit's end and relied heavily on support from Amelia. Consequently, this allowed Tommy to slip back into his habits of working all hours of the day.

Amelia noticed this a few months in, but she wasn’t sure what to say. Before the war, she had no problem laying into him about working himself to death. But after? Well, she didn’t know what to even say. She felt guilty about being strict about anything. In her mind, he had been through enough. Why should she scold him on something that was small compared to the grand scheme of things?

But she wasn’t blind either. Amelia was aware that he never slept more than a few hours at a time. She couldn’t find the warmth in his eyes anymore. He was less outspoken than before and had a habit of sitting in stony silence instead of speaking out. He was energetic with the kids, at least as much as he could be on the amount of sleep he was getting.

Amelia was grateful for that. Although it hurt to know Tommy had changed so much, at least the kids wouldn’t realize.

~~~~~~~~~~

Amelia went into the betting shop one sweltering afternoon to bring Tommy lunch. He hadn’t eaten that morning and had been absent during dinner the night before. But there was no sign of him. She went into Arthur’s office to see where he was.

“He came in early this morning, was here before everyone else.” Her brother-in-law answered. “He left ‘bout an hour ago saying he would be back later.”

“He didn’t say where he would be?” Amelia asked, her concern growing.

Arthur shook his head. “I asked but he never answered.”

She chewed on her lip. “Okay…well.” She considered waiting but figured her nerves would get the better of her. “Here, you can have this.” She gave Arthur the lunch before leaving the shop.

~~~~~~~~~~

Small Heath wasn’t particularly large, but that didn’t mean he was even there. He could’ve gone beyond the neighborhood. She started with Charlie’s Yard. That’s where Annie and Max were for the day. They were cranky inside because of the heat so she sent them to both Charlie for the morning.

“Haven’t seen him,” Charlie said, sitting on a stool in the shade while he watched the kids. Curly was showing them a grasshopper he’d found in one of the horse stalls. The kids were so taken by the discovery that they didn’t even notice their mother arriving.

“Do you know where he might’ve gone?” Amelia asked hopefully.

“Whenever he’d get in a mood, he’d go to the graveyard to visit his mum,” Charlie replied. “I’d look there.”

“Thank you,” Amelia said gratefully, hoping Tommy’s uncle was right.

Across the yard, Annie squealed. The grasshopper had jumped out of Curly’s cupped hand and was on the loose. Max ran to try and catch it again. They were both so caught up in the summer fun, that she wasn’t going to interrupt it with her nerves.

“I’ll be back to take them off your hands,” Amelia promised Charlie.

“S’alright. They’re not hurting anyone.” He nodded before she went off toward the graveyard.

~~~~~~~~~~

Charlie was right. Amelia found Tommy among the overgrown grass and crooked headstones. But he wasn’t standing in front of his mother’s grave. Hers was a few rows down. No, he was standing in the newer section in front of a newer plot.

“Tom.” Amelia hated interrupting him while he was in deep thought, but she was just thankful she’d found him.

He glanced over his shoulder. Without saying anything, he reached for her hand. She took it as she stood beside him. That’s when she noticed they were in front of Greta Jurossi’s grave.

“When I got the letter from you, the one where you said she had died, I didn’t believe it.” He spoke in a quiet voice, just loud enough to hear over the sound of cicadas in the grass. “I dunno, I just thought she was going to be the one to upset the system. One of those historical figures that people talk about.”

Amelia knew that he and Greta shared the same ideologies. Aspirations that she was afraid of but Greta wasn’t. He had respect for her.

“I know.” She said gently. “She would come by sometimes to the shop. She and Polly would always get worked up about the rights of women and the working class.” She smiled weakly.

Tommy nodded, his eyes staring into space. “You were right, though.”

“About what?”

“When you came back, I was telling you about the communist group. You didn’t think it was enough to change the world.” He recalled. “And you were right.”

“Tom…”

“You don’t have to say anything.” He shook his head. “There’s nothing more to say.”

Young Tommy Shelby had so many dreams and a drive to change everything he saw as unjust. But the world had taken him in its fist and squeezed the convictions out of him. It had forced him into the mold of a soldier. Forced him to comply. Killed off Greta, killed her message.

But Tommy wasn’t dead yet. There was a new fire lit inside of him. “Politics, laws, parties. It doesn’t matter. You can’t win if you play by their rules.”

“So, what are you-”

He began to walk back down the path, still holding her hand. “Everything will be alright.” He promised her. “You won’t have to worry about a thing.”

~~~~~~~~~~~

The two went back to the Yard to bring the children home with them. Charlie was still taking refuge in the shade, smoking a pipe and watching Annie running around in the mud.

“You found him then.” He commented as Amelia and Tommy came up to him.

“Not a lot of places you can hide in Small Heath,” Tommy replied to his uncle.

“I hope they weren’t a fuss, Charlie.” Amelia ignored her husband’s glib response.

“I’ll tell you what, that boy of yours is just like you, Tom,” Charlie remarked. “Full of energy but once he’s around a horse, he’s quiet as a mouse.”

“I’m sure you taught him well then.”

“I didn’t teach him anything.” He shook his head. “Must be the Traveler blood in him.”

“He doesn’t have Traveler blood, Charlie,” Tommy muttered in reply.

“Well, then it’s fucking intuition, hell if I know.” His uncle rolled his eyes, his pipe still tucked between his lips as he spoke.

“Hell, if you know.” Tommy shook his head. “You better not have been teaching him that kind of fucking language.” He warned before heading toward the horse stalls to find Max.

“That one has Traveler blood in her.” Charlie pointed his pipe toward Annie. The little girl had ruined her skirt by stomping around in the mud by the canal. She had a loose hold on her teddy bear that seemed just as filthy from the morning’s play.

“You think?”

“Reminds me of Pol when she was little. An absolute terror but you’d be happy to see her come around. Max will be a gifted rider, like Tom. But Annie won’t back down from a challenge, no matter how many times she’s bucked off.”

The thought of her precious daughter being bucked off a horse was a nightmare to Amelia. But she knew that there was no forcing Annie into being someone she wasn’t. Amelia knew that all too well. Her family wanted her to be a lady of high society. They wanted her to be proper, educated but not too educated, and a million miles beyond Small Heath. But she was aware that she was a girl of lower class. Her upbringing was nothing compared to the socialites in London. She ran the streets with the Shelbys much to her parents’ discontent. And while she wasn’t as fierce and feisty as Tommy and Arthur, she didn’t mind living in Small Heath. She loved the people there.

The more her parents pushed, the more she rebelled. In London, she felt empty. She had no friends because all the girls her age were boring to her. London felt cold and desolate to her. Sure, the place they lived in was nicer, but it didn’t matter.

So, if Annie wanted to be a wild girl who flocked to dangerous horses, then there really wasn’t a thing Amelia could do about it. Not with Tommy’s blood in her.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Not even half a year since he’s come back and you’re already up the duff, again.”

Martha and Amelia snickered behind their hands. It was true. Martha was pregnant again and Polly was bewildered by the revelation.

“Oh, Pol, it’s okay.” Amelia smiled. "It was bound to happen once John came back."

“You and John are getting your own flat, or I'll get my own. I’ve had more than enough newborns in this house at one time.” Polly replied firmly.

“I suppose that’s only fair.” Martha agreed. Six Watery Lane had become quite the den of rascals. “At least John is home and can help me with the other two."

“And make sure he does. Those three have been working themselves to death.” Polly shook her head in disapproval. “And it’s all Tommy’s doing.” She glanced at Amelia.

“I think they’re just trying to find their place in the world again.” Amelia shrugged. “Remember when they were gone? We had to adapt to the world. Now they do too.”

Polly didn’t look convinced. “When a Shelby man is working like the devil, that means there’s going to be trouble.” She warned.

It did speak to the conversation she and Tommy had earlier in the graveyard. “He did seem to have some plans.” She admitted. “But he didn’t say what.”

Polly continued to smoke by the kitchen table where Amelia and Martha were sitting. “One can only guess what goes on in that head of his.”

Amelia looked down at her lap. As his wife, she thought she would be the one to know. But she felt just as blind as the rest of them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was a rare night, but one that Amelia rejoiced in having. After dinner, she got the kids washed up and put in bed. After Tommy kissed them each goodnight, he returned to the master bedroom and caught Amelia before she even made it to her vanity.

Without a word, he kissed her deeply. He pressed her up against the door as he locked it to avoid any awkward situations if one of the children wandered in unannounced.

It was so easy for Amelia to forget everything when Tommy held her. She could rejoice in the fact that in those brief moments, she was taken care of. There was nothing to interrupt them, nothing to cause them harm, it was just the two of them. They were the moments Amelia yearned for when he was in France. The moments where she could keep him close and cast aside the ugliness of the world.

But the feeling couldn’t last and they were brought back to Earth as the night wore on. Still, they enjoyed each other’s company in the dead hours of the night. Amelia curled up in the crook of his arm, tracing the new scars on his chest that he’d obtained in the trenches. He held her close as he smoked.

Eventually, he broke the silence and uttered a rare confession to her. “I’m going to do bad things, Mel.”

The admission sent a chill up her spine. Yet, it was something she already knew. Something she’d known even in childhood when adults would comment on Tommy’s proclivity for mischief. When they remarked how his father was nothing but a waste of space. When they speculated how Tommy would live up to the Shelby name. A name cursed.

“I know.” She whispered. From then on, she was complicit. Her wish to stay in Small Heath as a child had brought her to that point. Her wishes for Tommy to stay out of danger had fallen upon deaf ears as she should’ve realized. But if she wanted a quiet, polite, bland husband, she would’ve stayed in London to marry one. Instead, she was with someone who was destined to be one of the most dangerous men in Britain.

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ugly-crying-over-bucky-barnes · 3 years

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Field of Poppies Part 23

Part 23: The 179th returns home

//Happy Holidays everyone! Here’s a little gift to everyone who’s always given me so much support in my writing.

Amelia wasn’t sure she was able to feel so many emotions all at once. It was nearly a similar experience to when she first held Max and Annie right after they were born. Every part of her felt like it was pushing against her skin. All the feelings were just ready to burst out of her.

Excitement, impatience, hope, longing, and yet there was a sadness. They would finally be reunited but there would still be those years they lost. They could never get that time back.

Max was bouncing up and down by the door. “C’mon mum!” He yelled.

“I’m coming, I’m coming.” Amelia hurried downstairs with Annie in her arms. “It’s a little early, poppet.”

“I wanna be there though.” The almost eight-year-old protested.

“We’ll get there soon enough, it’s not too far.” Amelia opened the door and let Annie down. “We need to wait here for the rest.”

Max whined. “But what if we miss the train?”

“We won’t, I promise. Daddy will still be there waiting for us.” Amelia couldn’t exactly blame him though. She was praying that the train wasn’t late. She had waited years for this day but now couldn’t even stand to wait another minute. “Look, Max, here they come.”

Polly, Martha, and the children were coming down the street all looking to be in good spirits.

“Race ya to the train station!” Finn yelled to Max and before anyone could stop them, the young boys were sprinting down the lane.

“Max!” Amelia called after him but there was no use.

“They’ll be alright,” Polly assured her.

“He hasn’t been able to stand still all morning.” Amelia laughed softly as they began to walk, Annie holding onto her hand. “I don’t even think he slept a wink.”

“It doesn’t feel real,” Martha said, already clutching her handkerchief close, tears welling up in her eyes. “It feels like a dream.”

~~~~~~~~~

There was a crowd of people swarming the train station to welcome back loved ones. Max and Finn had climbed up on a brick wall to see over everyone.

Amelia came and gently held Max’s ankle just to make sure he didn’t topple over.

The energy in the air was almost electric. People were chattering happily about finally getting to kiss and hug the people they’d missed for so long.

“There’s the train!” Finn called out.

Amelia’s heart was racing as she heard the train whistle sound from a close distance. She picked up Annie who seemed a little nervous about the crowd around her.

“Mum, look!” Max cried as the train slowly pulled into the station. Dozens of uniformed men came spilling out of the train cars, all searching for their family and friends.

People were calling out names and joyfully reuniting.

Finn suddenly whooped with joy. “Arthur!” He jumped from the wall and disappeared into the crowd.

Four years of waiting, and when Amelia heard them nearby, she began to cry.

Tommy found Max first, rushing over to him. Max shouted with delight as he jumped into his father’s arms.

“Daddy!”

“Look at you, aye? Look how much you’ve grown.” The young man was overcome with melancholy.

“Tom,” Amelia called out to him.

His breath caught in his throat when he saw his wife standing nearby with their daughter in her arms. He came over with Max and embraced all three of them as close as he could. “I’m here, s’alright.” He whispered softly when he heard Amelia sobbing against his shoulder. “S’alright.”

When Amelia withdrew, she tried to compose herself. “Annie, daddy’s home. Aren’t you so happy to meet him?”

The little girl looked a bit shy when she saw the man who was in the photographs on their mantle.

“C’mere, will you give dad a cuddle?” Tommy asked hopefully, holding out his free arm.

Annie smiled. She appeared to recognize the voice she’d heard over the phone a month earlier. Amelia gave her to him. The little girl peered at him curiously, almost as if she was trying to see the similarities between the photograph and him standing there in real life. She touched his cheek and giggled softly.

Tommy felt an immense relief, hugging his two children close.

~~~~~~~~~~~

After reuniting with the rest of the Shelbys and the other 179th boys, they all parted ways before the big dinner they were going to have together to celebrate their homecoming.

Tommy carried Annie back home and held Max’s hand. The little boy was chattering on about all the things he could think of that Tommy missed.

Amelia kept glancing over at her husband. It was hard to believe he was really there in the flesh. It wasn’t just another cruel dream she would wake up from. He was there for good.

But every time she looked over at him, she noticed the subtle differences.

He looked older, less boyish than before. Whether it was time’s doing or stress, Amelia wasn’t sure. She had a feeling she looked much older as well.

He looked tired. Not just a lack of sleep but a deep exhaustion that settled deep in the bones. A weariness that sleep couldn’t cure.

He walked differently. Less like a confident young man and more like a soldier.

Maybe it would be temporary changes. Amelia could only hope that once he settled back into life in Birmingham, he’d go back to being the same old Tommy. But it was wishful thinking and even she knew that deep down.

~~~~~~~~~~

When they got into the flat, Tommy set Annie down. She went to retrieve her teddy bear from the kitchen where she’d left it. She held it up to her father to see.

“Look at that, aye?” He picked up the bear.

“Mummy said you sent them to us,” Max said. “For Christmas.”

Tommy met Amelia’s eyes. She smiled slightly although she still looked on the verge of tears. “Yeah, that’s right.” He nodded. “I gave them to Father Christmas so he’d bring them to you.”

“Annie loves her bear, don’t you, poppet?” Amelia said softly. The little girl giggled shyly and went to cling to her mother’s skirt.

“Well, it seems very well-loved.” Tommy knelt down to give the teddy back to her.

Annie took the bear back and yawned. It seemed all the excitement of the day was starting to catch up with her.

“Want to go down for a nap, love?” Amelia wondered, stooping down to pick her daughter up. Annie shrugged and rested her cheek on her mother’s shoulder, her eyelids drooping. “I think some rest will do you some good.” She murmured. “Then when we have dinner with everyone, you won’t be tired.”

“Want me to take her up?” Tommy offered. He didn’t want to sit on the sidelines anymore. Every opportunity he could have to be a father, he would take.

“Sure.” Amelia smiled and handed Annie over to him. “Max, want to help me make some lunch?”

Her son looked hesitant. It appeared he wanted to stay around Tommy even if he was just going upstairs. “Okay.”

“I’ll be right back,” Tommy promised him before heading upstairs with Annie in his arms. He got to the hallway and realized he wasn’t sure where Amelia had put Annie’s nursery.

Max’s room was across from his and Amelia’s. There was only one other bedroom, but maybe Amelia had moved things around. Maybe she kept Max’s room as a nursery and put Annie in there, switching him over to the other room.

Annie yawned and snapped Tommy out of his daze. He felt as if he opened the door to find he was wrong; it would hurt him deeply. Such a simple thing that he didn’t know.

But he wasn’t going to stand there all night with a sleepy toddler in his arms. So he decided to go for the bedroom that had been empty before he left for France.

There, he found what must’ve been his daughter’s room. There was a floral-patterned quilt on the little bed with a pink cloth doll sitting by the pillow.

“Here we are.” Tommy pulled back the covers and set Annie down in the bed. “Got your teddy, all cozy?”

The little girl nodded and began to drift off before her head even hit the pillow.

Her father tucked her in, but couldn’t get himself to leave. Doing his best not to wake her, he sat on the edge of the bed. He had thought about that moment many times. The moment he finally met his daughter for the first time. To finally see the little girl that he watched grow up through sporadic pictures.

It made him sick to his stomach to know how much he missed. He knew how much he was missing when he was in France, but finally be home, it hit him like a brick.

She was in her own bed, not a crib. She was walking around. She was talking in sentences.

When Max was growing up, Tommy couldn’t believe how fast time went by. One second, he was holding a newborn in his arms, the next he was watching him walk and talk. With Annie, he couldn’t even look back to remember a time before that day. Suddenly, he had this three-year-old. It was as if he had been struck with amnesia. There was nothing to remember about her before that day in 1918.

Sure, there were stories and pictures from Amelia, but it wasn’t the same. Tommy felt cheated.

The door to Annie’s room opened and Amelia came in. “Is she asleep?” She whispered.

Tommy nodded.

She noticed the torn look on his face. There was so much she wanted to say, but she wasn’t sure if any of it would be helpful. She didn’t want to talk down on him, didn’t want to act like she could fix him, or knew what he had gone through. They had all struggled, but Annie knew that at the end of the day, she had been with their children the entire time. Tommy had been robbed of all the memories that she had with Max and Annie. Yet, there was nothing Amelia could do to make it up to him.

She knelt down in front of him and took his hands in hers. “We’ll be alright.” She said quietly so she wouldn’t wake Annie.

Tommy didn’t say anything. It was almost as if he was looking right through her.

~~~~~~~~~~

Six Watery Lane hadn’t been so alive in years. Sure, it had been filled with children, but having the Shelby boys back brought back the soul of the flat. Despite all everyone went through, at least things were somewhat back to where they were meant to be.

A big meal was prepared and the whole house was full of chatter and laughter. Everyone felt at ease that they were all back together without any losses to mourn.

However, whether the others noticed or not, Arthur, Tommy, and John appeared to be faking a lot of their uplifted spirits. Sure, they were thrilled to be back home. But they didn’t leave the memories of war behind the second they stepped back onto British soil. No, there would be nothing to erase those memories. Now, the three men could only pretend for the sake of their family that things were okay. Whether they could keep up the façade for much longer was proving to be a challenging question.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After dinner, when the activity began to die down and the children all became cranky from being tired, the family again parted ways. Tommy and Amelia brought Max and Annie home down the street after saying their goodbyes.

Annie was already asleep in Amelia’s arms and Max was just about ready to doze off against Tommy’s shoulder.

The two parents put them both to sleep before retiring to their bedroom.

Before Tommy could even take his coat off, Amelia pulled him into a deep kiss. The whole day she’d been yearning after him but felt it wasn’t appropriate to take him away from the children or his family. So, she was patient and waited until they were alone for the night.

It was a welcome release for Tommy who found it easy to get lost in his wife’s embrace. All day he had been battling himself. He was trying to put the horrors of war out of his mind as best he could. He wanted to put all his focus on his family. He wanted to be happy to see them. But there was that dark feeling he couldn’t shake that things wouldn’t be the same after what he’d seen.

But Amelia gave him the outlet to completely abandon his thoughts. As she undressed him, he could only think about her fingertips brushing against him. He could only focus on the mechanics of taking off her dress. There was no space to think about the sound of shovels.

He could only hear her soft breathing and the sound of her dress falling to the floor.

“I’ve missed you so much.” She whispered against his lips.

The sound of her voice was so calming. It allowed Tommy to breathe evenly as he scooped her up and carried her to the bed.

“I’m here now.” He replied, laying her down gently.

“I’m all yours, Tommy.” She knotted her fingers in his hair as he hovered over her. “I always will be. Just please be all mine.”

“I always have been.” He captured her lips again.

~~~~~~~~~

Around midnight that same night, Tommy got up out of bed. He wasn’t used to having a nice bed and time to sleep. He was so accustomed to sleeping less than a few hours at a time in the damp, cold trenches.

Now, despite having a pillow to rest his head on, he couldn’t sleep very long. His body had been trained to stay up long hours so it probably would take time to adjust.

Amelia was still fast asleep as he slipped out from under the covers. He went to his coat that had been discarded on the floor to find his cigarette tin. Taking one out, he struck up a match to light it and sat down on the foot of the bed.

The quiet of the flat was starting to make his mind numb. The only time things were quiet in the tunnels was when they were trying to avoid detection from the Germans. They moved stealthily along the dark passageways. Other than that, Tommy was used to the constant sound of explosives, gunfire, and men dying around him.

The silence of the flat felt so unnatural that it made his skin crawl. He didn’t want to hear the sounds of war ever again, but at the same time, he felt as if he’d been so conditioned to it that he couldn’t stand the silence. It only allowed for his thoughts to run rampant. To allow for mental images to come up in his brain. Things he wished so desperately that he could erase from his memory.

Then, the more his thoughts raced, the louder the sound of shovels became. The dull thumping sound continued over and over again. Louder and louder until Tommy nearly jumped out of his skin.

They sounded so close. It sounded so real. This all had to be a dream. He wasn’t back in Birmingham with Amelia and the children. No, he was still in the tunnels. The sound of the shovels was real. The bedroom around him was merely a realistic dream.

“Tommy?”

The shovels faded when he heard Amelia call out to him. He was almost afraid to turn around. Maybe he would turn around and realize that it was just a cruel dream. He’d turn around and no one would be there. Then he would wake up back in the trenches.

“Tommy, are you alright?”

There was a rustling of the sheets and he felt a hand on his shoulder. It felt so real. How could it feel so real with the sound of the shovels were so real too?

“Please look at me.” She begged.

Tommy turned and felt relief wash over him when he saw his wife kneeling behind him. She looked terribly concerned. “Sorry.” He muttered. “Just thinking.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” She asked.

He shook his head. “No, you can go back to sleep.”

She didn’t move a muscle. “Tommy, I don’t want you to suffer alone. If there’s something bothering you, please, I want to try to understand. I know that there’s so much you experienced that I’ll never get. But if I can just be someone you can talk to, that would mean so much to me. I want to be there for you. I feel like that’s what a wife is supposed to be.”

“I know.” He put his head in her lap. “I appreciate it, Mel. I just don’t know what else to tell you.”

She gently combed his hair back. It was much longer than he usually kept it. She wondered if he would cut it in the next couple of days. “What can I do to help you?”

“If you want to help me, don’t doubt yourself as my wife.” He closed his eyes and tried to get lost in her soothing touch.

Amelia gently massaged his face, trying to ease the tension in his muscles. “Will you come to church with me tomorrow?”

“I didn’t know you attended church.” He replied. A long time ago he could recall instances when she would go to Sunday service with the Shelby children. Though he couldn’t remember her parents ever being religious.

“I’ve been going with Polly. Talking to Father Carr helped when you were away.” She explained. “Especially when I was pregnant with Annie.”

He opened his eyes to look up at her. “I’ll go with you.”

She smiled. The same smile that Tommy yearned to see again. “Then maybe we can take the kids out to the park or something?”

“Yeah, there’s a lot I’ve missed.”

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Field of Poppies Part 22

Part 22: Another Christmas without Tommy. Yet bright days are just around the corner.

“Did you know Alexander? He used to work down at the butcher’s shop before he was drafted.”

Amelia was in the betting shop working alongside Rosie, Danny Owen’s wife. “I think so. Was he the one married to that Italian girl?”

“Right, she passed some time ago from the flu.” Rosie nodded. “Well, he came back few months ago.” She reported. “They just locked him up in the asylum last week. Martha was telling me.”

“The asylum?” Amelia looked up from her ledger in alarm. “Whatever for?” From the brief time she’d known the young man, he seemed like a decent person without anything seemingly off about him.

“He went off his rocker. Had a gun and was threatening to shoot his own brother.” Rosie looked concerned. “They said he still thought he was in the war. They couldn’t convince him otherwise.”

“Jesus.” Then pen slipped from Amelia’s hand a bit. She couldn’t imagine what sort of horrors could change such a nice man. What could possibly cause someone to lose their mind completely? And would Tommy come back the same?

After almost four years of waiting for him, she couldn’t imagine having to lock him up to protect others and himself. Because Alexander’s case wasn’t some anomaly. There were many stories drifting quietly around Birmingham of the men who came back. Once upstanding figures in the community came home different men. There were two men that Amelia knew had committed suicide. Their families were distraught. They had waited so long for them to return, were so happy they came home alive, and now they had to bury them.

It made Amelia so anxious. Of course, she wanted Tommy home but what could she do if he was nothing like the man that had left her that day at the train station? How could she explain that to her children?

“It’s a shame,” Rosie said quietly. Both the wives were thinking about their husbands. Hoping, that maybe by some sheer luck, their boys would be okay. But it seemed foolish to even hope.

~~~~~~~~~~

It would be another Christmas without Tommy. It never got any easier, although Amelia tried to make do. Annie’s awareness of Tommy’s missing presence was becoming more of an issue. There were only so many times Amelia could explain why he was gone. The almost-four-year-old was unsatisfied with the answers. She didn’t understand war, didn’t understand why her father was gone, and especially struggled with why he couldn’t just come home.

A week before Christmas, the Shelby household was in chaos. A loose thread on Annie’s teddy bear had caught on one of the kitchen cabinet handles. Instead of trying to unravel it from the metal, the young girl pulled and pulled until her darling stuffed animal had a loose arm hanging by a thread.

Annie screamed and cried, inconsolable as she cradled her bear close.

Amelia tried to calm her down, saying it wouldn’t be an issue to stitch the thing up again. But her daughter wasn’t listening. She wouldn’t even let go of the bear so Amelia could fix it.

“Love, please, it’ll be okay!” Amelia begged for her daughter to calm down. “Mummy will fix it and he’ll be as good as new. I promise.”

“But daddy gave him to me!” She sobbed.

“I know, but I can fix him.”

“Daddy’ll know I hurt ‘im!” She wailed and thrashed about on the kitchen floor. “Daddy’ll hate me!”

“Annie Shelby, what on Earth gave you that idea?” Amelia asked.

“’Cause…’cause he will!” She didn’t seem to have any basis for how she felt. “That’s why he won’t come home!”

“Now you listen to me.” Amelia gathered her up into her lap. “Your father loves you very much and if he could come home, he would in a heartbeat.”

Annie began to calm down in her mother’s arms. She hiccuped and wiped her eyes and nose on her sleeve. “Teddy’ll be okay?” She asked.

“Of course, I’ll patch up his arm and he’ll be looking nice for Christmas.” Amelia kissed her cheek. "Now go head upstairs. It's nearly bath time."

~~~~~~~~~~

As they always did, they got through the holidays and made it out alive in the new year. Amelia was struggling to write down the date sometimes.

1918

How could it only be two years away from the new decade? And more importantly, would she be welcoming 1920 still without Tommy. Max would be ten by the end of 1920. By then he would’ve spent more than half his life without his father. It made Amelia sick to her stomach to think about.

She just didn’t realize good news was around the corner.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Annie and Max were running around the parlor while Amelia cleaned up after dinner. The two were sick of being cooped up inside because March had brought on endless rain.

The phone started to ring and Amelia called out from the kitchen. “Quiet down, you two, mum needs to answer the phone!”

It didn’t do much good. The kids were leaping off the sofa and creating a big ruckus.

Still, Amelia picked up the receiver. “Shelby Residence.”

“Mel?”

For a moment, Amelia was convinced she was in a dream. There was no other explanation for why Tommy’s voice would be on the other end of the phone. Her knees went weak and she clutched onto the stair banister nearby. “Tommy?” She gasped. “Is that really you?”

“Yeah, love. It’s me.”

It felt like her heart was in her throat. There was so much she wanted to say to him and yet she couldn’t find the words. “I-I don’t understand.”

“They’re sending us home. All of the 179."

Tears began to stream down Amelia’s cheeks. This was the day she’d been waiting years for. Now that it was time, she couldn’t contain her happiness. “Really? Oh, Tommy…I-I don’t know what to say. I’m over the moon!”

“I know, love. I can’t wait to finally be back home with you. I don’t have much time on the phone, are the kids there?”

“Yes, yes I’ll get them.” Amelia turned from the telephone. “Max, Annie! Guess who’s on the telephone!”

The two rambunctious kids ran into the hallway to see what she was talking about. “Who?”

“It’s daddy.” Amelia knelt down and held the receiver to them.

“Dad?” Max was cautious, unsure if his mother was just pulling his leg or not. Although he figured it would be too cruel of a trick for his mother to play on him.

“Hello, Max. Your sister there too?”

“Daddy?” Annie piped up. She looked thrilled but nervous at the idea of speaking to the man she’d never met.

“I’m coming home soon, you two,” Tommy announced happily. “Are you excited? I’m going to be coming home on the train next month.”

“Really?” Max’s eyes widened in shock. “For good?”

“For good,” Tommy promised. “You’ll be at the train station waiting for me, right?”

“Yeah!” Max couldn’t hold back his grin.

“Alright, well, I’ll be home very soon. I love you all very much.”

“We love you, Tom,” Amelia said tearfully before the line went dead. She hung up the receiver, her hand trembling.

“Aren’t you happy, mummy?” Annie asked.

“Of course.”

“Then why’re you crying?”

“I’m just so happy.” Amelia pulled her children in for a tight squeeze. “He’s finally coming home.”

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Field of Poppies Part 24

Part 24: Tommy and the others try to settle in, but there’s unrest.

Seeing Tommy sitting at the table during breakfast the next morning made Amelia’s heart skip a beat. Especially since he was sitting between Max and Annie. Both were chattering on about things they could do together now that he was home.

“You can come down to see me ride. Uncle Charlie says that I’m as good as a horse rider as you were when you were my age!” Max said proudly.

“That right?” Tommy chuckled.

“Mummy says I’m too little to ride.” Annie pouted.

“Oh, nonsense. No Shelby is too little to ride.” He shook his head.

“I heard that.” Amelia glanced over her shoulder as she finished cleaning up the kitchen after making them breakfast.

The three at the table shared a smile. “Well, we’ll go down to the Yard this weekend,” Tommy promised.

“Okay!” Max looked thrilled.

“But for now, you two are going to go over to see your Auntie Martha and Uncle John after breakfast,” Amelia said. “Daddy and I are going to go to church.”

“Church is boring,” Max mumbled, not about to ask to go with them. But he seemed uneasy to know that Tommy would be away from him even if just down the street.

“Then will daddy come back?” Annie asked.

“Of course,” Tommy answered. “We’re going to come back to make lunch then we’ll go to the park.”

“So, go wash up,” Amelia said once Annie cleared her plate. “Get teddy if you want to bring him to your aunt’s.”

“Okay!” Annie popped up from the table and rushed upstairs. Max picked at the rest of his food.

“What’s wrong, love?” Amelia stroked his hair back.

“Just thinking ‘bout something.”

“What are you thinking about?” Tommy wondered.

“We went to London when you were gone,” Max said. “Annie was little. Really little.”

“Oh yeah? That must’ve been fun. Where did you go?”

“To the park.”

“That’s right.” Amelia nodded. She was surprised that he remembered that day. But she supposed it was a big change from being in Small Heath all the time.

“There was a lady there that mummy was mad at.”

Tommy looked up to his wife who frowned. “Oh…” He figured it was something she didn’t want to talk about in front of their son. “Well, are you done?” He pointed to the plate in front of Max.

“Yeah.” He nodded.

“Okay, go get ready to go over to your aunt’s.” Amelia cleared the table.

After Max was heading upstairs, Tommy glanced over to her at the sink. “What happened?”

“When we went to Hyde Park, we ran into my mother.” She admitted quietly. “It wasn’t pretty.”

After all they’d gone through, Tommy hadn’t given much thought to Amelia’s family or past in London. They had done enough harm to her that he was willing to write them off. He didn’t want them to hurt her anymore and that meant keeping even their names out of their lives.

“Did you talk to her?”

“Of course, I-I didn’t know what else to do.” She sighed. “She tried to claim Annie and Max as her grandchildren and she threatened to tell…” Even after all those years she couldn’t speak his name. The man who had assaulted her. The man her parents chose to believe over her.

Tommy’s eyes froze over. He looked calm on the outside, but Amelia knew him well enough to see a storm was brewing in him. It began to spill over when he finally spoke. “If that man ever comes near Max-”

“I know.” She walked over to him and sat beside him in Max’s empty chair. She gently took his face in her hands, still in disbelief that she could hold him again. “I’m just glad you’re home. I feel much safer.”

“It puts me at ease too.” He agreed, his anger simmering down beneath her touch. “Felt helpless over there knowing something could happen to you and I couldn’t be there to stop it.”

“Let’s just enjoy our time together again.” She suggested gently. They could get hung up on the past years but what mattered was they were back together.

~~~~~~~~~`

After attending church service with Amelia and Polly, Tommy returned to the betting shop. He promised Amelia that he wouldn’t work, he would just step in for a bit while she made lunch. Arthur was already back in one of the offices while John was back at the blackboard jotting down odds. It was almost as if they hadn’t left at all.

“How’d Polly leave it then?” Tommy asked as he stepped into the office.

“How’d you think? She’s smarter than any of us. You can look over the books but don’t think any one of the girls made a mistake. The money kept coming in too, steady income.” Arthur replied.

“I didn’t have any doubts.”

Arthur studied his brother. “So, how are you feeling back home?”

“What else would I be but happy?” Tommy replied without any joy in his voice. “Out of the trenches and back home with me wife and kids.”

“Yeah, but Tom…” Arthur was cut off. Someone came running into the shop, the door slamming into the door on their way in.

Tommy was still very much in soldier mode and went into action, reaching for his gun and running toward the chaos. But all he found in the shop was Rosie Owens. She was sobbing and clutching a shawl around her shoulders.

“Tommy, please, you have to come quick. It’s Danny.”

He frowned. “What’s wrong? What happened?” He walked over to her, releasing his hold on his gun.

“He’s gone mad. He’s wrecked the home, won’t stop shouting.” She hiccupped in between words. “I can’t calm him down, s’like I’m not even there. He just keeps shouting about nonsense.”

“Alright, Arthur and I will take care of it. Stay here, Mel’s in the kitchen with the kids.” Tommy looked back to gesture to his brother to follow him.

~~~~~~~~~

It took a bit to calm Rosie down. The experience with Danny had left her shaken.

“There was nothing in his eyes, Mel. He was a completely different person. That wasn’t the man I fell in love with.” She cried.

“I know.” Amelia held her friend’s hand as they sat at the kitchen table. “It’s the war, it’s not him. It’s not his fault.”

“I was so stupid to think things would be okay once he came back.” She sobbed. “I just don’t know how to help him.”

“We’ll figure it out. Maybe things will settle once everyone’s feeling back at home. They just need to put some distance between them and the war.” Amelia tried to reason even though she felt like she was just making things up as she went. “There’s still news about the war everywhere, I’m sure it’s not easy. People are still talking about it and what not.”

Rosie nodded and wiped her eyes. “Maybe you’re right.”

The door to the flat opened and Tommy came in looking a bit disheveled. Arthur came in behind him, leading Danny into the home.

“Rose…” Danny looked devastated.

“Oh, Danny.” She stood up and didn’t hesitate to embrace him. “I was so worried.”

“I’m sorry, love.” He held her close. “I didn’t know what happened…honest I didn’t mean it. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

Amelia looked to her husband who shared a worried glance her way. They thought they were leaving the war behind when they left France. But it seemed the war wasn’t ready to release its grip on them.

~~~~~~~~~

“Arthur said Polly and the rest of you kept the books perfectly,” Tommy remarked. They were at the park eating a later lunch than they planned. Max and Annie had gobbled down their food quickly so they could run around and play nearby.

“Well, you know Pol. Once she sets her mind to something there’s nothing standing in her way.” Amelia smiled. “So, did you think about how things are going to progress?” She wondered.

He nodded. “We’re going back to the same plan I had before the war. A plan to legitimacy.” He took her hand in his. “But I don’t want you to worry about that stuff anymore.”

She raised an eyebrow at him. “Tom, the shop was my life for a few years. What do you think I’m supposed to do now?”

He shrugged. “You can do whatever you want. Once we get the money coming in, you’ll have anything you want.” There was still that ambition he had all those years ago when they reunited. The drive to have what the wealthy had. The horses, the cars, the property. The stability and safety. The notoriety and perks. Tommy had played the part of a warhorse. A disposable foot soldier. An underground fighter that the brass didn’t care about. He wasn’t going to play that part again. He would be the one giving orders.

Amelia lay back on the blanket, resting her head in Tommy’s lap. “What I want most is for you to be happy and for our family to be safe.”

He didn’t want to admit there were things he could never give her. His wife deserved the world in his opinion, so he would strive to give her everything her heart desired. But there were things that were almost unattainable.

“Tom?” She nudged him out of his thoughts.

“Hm? Yeah, well…anything you want.” He reiterated. “It’s yours.”

~~~~~~~~~

To a Shelby man, there was no greater joy than seeing their children on a horse. Carrying on the tradition of being natural born riders, independent enough to hold the reins, and strong enough to lead their horse with purpose.

Max was thrilled to show Tommy that he could walk and trot on the little pony. It was a tiny thirteen hand thing that Charlie had gotten from one of the Strongs so that Max and the other children could learn to ride.

Amelia wouldn’t quite warm up to the idea of plopping Annie onto a horse even with Tommy leading the pot-bellied pony. So, he tacked up one of the larger horses and let Annie sit in front of him in the saddle. Despite what had happened a few days ago with Danny, Tommy felt at peace. He was finally back on a horse and what was better he could share the love for the animals with his children.

Annie was chuffed that she was sat up on the chestnut mare. She placed her hands over Tommy’s as he held the reins, feeling as if she were really the one running the show.

Amelia watched nervously from the sidelines although she was happy to see her daughter so excited. And it was such a relief that Tommy was there. He wouldn’t miss another milestone. There was no guilt or sadness behind the event. She wasn’t feeling like something was missing. Everything was whole.

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ugly-crying-over-bucky-barnes · 3 years

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The Name Written on My Heart

Sequel to Name on a Coffee Cup requested by Anon. Happy Valentines/Galentines Day my darlings!

Modern!Tommy and Ava continue their relationship outside the cafe.

After his first date with Ava, Tommy felt like his heart was slowly being restarted. After Grace passed, he assumed that the rest of his love would be given to Charlie. But even then, he felt like he was failing.

Oftentimes his son would much rather go spend the day with his aunts or uncles or have playdates with friends. Polly assured him that it was natural for the young boy to want to be independent as he got older. But still, Tommy felt like he was always the second pick for Charlie and he was afraid it was because he just wasn’t enough for the boy.

When Ava began to spend time at Tommy’s flat, Charlie gravitated toward her like a magnet. Not that Tommy could blame him. She was much better at interacting with him. She wasn’t afraid to get down to his level to play and go along with his wild imagination. Still, Tommy was a bit dismayed he wasn’t the kind of father Charlie needed.

Until he subconsciously took cues from Ava to relax a bit. He wasn’t as strict and felt like his relationship with Charlie was getting better and more natural.

~~~~~~~~~~

On the other hand, Tommy was easing back into a serious relationship. There were a few roadblocks along the way. Around Halloween one year, Ava came over to carve pumpkins and bake some sugar cookies in the shape of bats and ghosts. Charlie had a ball and demanded that Monster Mash be played over and over again as he darted around the living room on a sugar high. When he finally crashed, Tommy carried him to bed before helping Ava clean up the mess in the kitchen.

“It’s late.” She noted.

“Yeah, I’ll drive you home. Don’t want you taking the tube this late.”

“Oh.” Ava glanced by the door where she’d left her bag. The bag that she had packed a change of clothes and her toothbrush in. Her face went red as she realized how stupid it was that she thought it would be the first night she might sleepover.

Tommy read her expression and paused. They’d been dating for quite some time. Almost two years at that point. He was even beginning to think that maybe they would spend the rest of their lives together. He could certainly see it happening, even if it was a bit soon to know for sure. And yet, there was always that hesitation that he felt. The protectiveness he had for Charlie. The thought that Tommy didn’t deserve love. The fear that he would lose someone else that he cared so deeply about.

“I understand, it’s alright,” Ava said as if she could read his mind.

Tommy didn’t move for a moment. Half of him wanted her to stay, half of him wanted to just drive her home so he could be by himself. Something he thought he deserved. She was far too kind and forgiving for him. Far too sensible. Far too sweet. Far too understanding.

“Stay.” The word came out before Tommy could realize what he’d said. “I want you to stay. You belong here…you’re perfect with Charlie and you get him better than I do. I know I don’t deserve you but I would do anything to have you here, even if it’s just for a night.”

Ava hugged him close and kissed his cheek. “I think you’re selling yourself too short.” She murmured. “Charlie adores you and so do I.”

Tommy took a deep breath and held her for a moment before she slipped away.

“C’mon, let’s take care of this mess so we can go to bed.” She smiled at him.

~~~~~~~~~~

It was what Tommy loved about her so much. She made having emotions so much easier. There was no big spectacle of it, she never called him out for feeling upset or depressed. She always knew exactly what to say.

The next year, once Ava’s lease was up, she moved into Tommy’s flat. Charlie was overjoyed that he had there every day. And she meshed perfectly with their schedules. On the days that she was opening the café, she woke up early, around the same time Tommy did. They went about their morning routines and welcomed in Charlie’s nanny who would wake up the boy for school. When Ava worked later shifts, she took care of getting Charlie to school on time. It worked exceptionally well.

Almost to a point where Tommy expected things to go wrong. Everything was going too well and he became very suspicious. About a year after Ava moved in, Tommy self-sabotaged.

~~~~~~~~~~~

One night, Ava had gone out with friends from uni that she hadn’t seen in a while. Tommy was up late working at the flat when she came home. Although a little tipsy, she was coherent as she kissed his cheek and wrapped her arms around him from behind.

“I take it you had fun then.” Tommy chuckled.

“It really was. Of course, we didn’t close the pub like we did back in those days. My ex-boyfriend wanted to stay but we were all so tired.” She laughed softly.

It set off a trigger inside Tommy. “Didn’t know your ex would be there.”

“Our whole friend group was. We’ve been planning a little reunion like this for a while.” Ava didn’t immediately pick up on his icy tone.

Tommy set down his pen and leaned back in his desk chair with his arms crossed over his chest. “Just something I thought you’d tell me.”

“I didn’t think it would matter.” She frowned and withdrew her arms. “It doesn’t bother you, does it?”

He didn’t answer, looking ahead at his laptop on a home screen.

“Tommy, honestly.” Ava tried again to make him talk with no avail. “We dated years ago. I’ve been dating you longer than I’ve ever dated anyone else. You really think I’d throw that all away?”

Tommy simply shrugged.

She scoffed at his attempt to be blasé to the issue when she knew he was stewing inside. “You’re impossible.” With a huff, she stormed out of the room and went to the bedroom, locking the door behind her.

~~~~~~~~

The next day was even worse. After spending the night on the couch, Tommy felt like an ass for what he’d done. Although it wasn’t an argument like they’d had before, it still cut deep. He had basically spelled out that he didn’t trust her. It wasn’t entirely true. Tommy trusted Ava because it was unlike her to be unfaithful. But he didn’t trust the world. He’d seen what could happen to good people. In his eyes, Ava had a target on her back because of her tendency to be so warm-hearted and vulnerable.

That morning, Ava had left before Tommy could even get a word of apology in. She didn’t answer his texts throughout the day and it drove him insane. He had to settle for the breakroom coffee because he couldn’t gather up the courage to go down to the café and face Ava.

The rest of the office picked up on the fact that he was in a sour mood. All but Arthur, who walked in whistling to himself.

“So, what’ve you got planned for Valentine’s Day?” The eldest Shelby asked.

Tommy looked up from his paperwork, then to the calendar on his desk. Indeed, Valentine’s Day was that weekend. He’d ordered a custom bracelet for Ava and had it hidden in his desk drawer. But other than that, he’d completely forgotten. “I’m not sure.” He mumbled. “I upset her last night.”

Arthur sighed. “Tom, we’ve talked about this. You don’t think you deserve happiness so you ruin your own life. You can make it up to her. Just put on the ‘ol charm, aye?”

~~~~~~~~~~~`

Ava was giving Tommy the silent treatment for most of the week. He felt it was deserved and just prayed Arthur was right and that he could redeem himself.

Come Sunday, Ava came home from work. She still felt hurt, especially since Tommy appeared to have forgotten it was even Valentine’s Day. But then Charlie rushed to the door.

“Ava, Ava!” He was bouncing up and down. “C’mon!” He grabbed her hand and pulled her into the kitchen.

Tommy was chopping up vegetables. He glanced up and smiled sheepishly.

Ava looked a bit confused. “What’s all this?” There was an array of items all laid out on the counter. Balls of dough were resting on cutting boards next to little bowls of toppings.

“I asked Charlie what we could do special for Valentine’s Day.”

“And I wanted pizza!” The little boy piped up. “Look, he climbed up onto a stool and patted the dough.

A small smile formed on Ava’s face. “Well, that looks fun.” She said and walked over.

“Here, Charlie,” Tommy handed his son the rolling pin. “Try to flatten it, but not too thin.” Then he turned to Ava.

“So, you were scheming today, huh?” She asked.

“Av, I’m sorry.” He took her hands in his. “Whenever I have a good thing, I never think I deserve it. And you’re one of the best things I’ve ever had.”

“I don’t want you pushing me away.” She replied quietly. “If you have an issue, tell me. I’m here to be your confidant.”

Tommy nodded and took a deep breath. He kissed her softly.

“Daddy, s’a square pizza!” Charlie exclaimed.

The two pulled away and chuckled. Indeed, the little boy had rolled the dough out into a square.

“I guess it’ll taste the same.” Ava smiled and went over to help him.

Tommy lingered to the side a bit, watching her with Charlie. The two laughed as they made a mess with the sauce and cheese.

This was a good thing. He would hold onto the good and keep it close to his heart. Everyone deserved love. Tommy was just thankful that he had Ava and Charlie.

“Daddy, look,” Charlie called.

Tommy chuckled when he saw a smiley face made of pepperoni on the pizza. “Why don’t you make it a heart? It’s Valentine’s Day.”

His son made a face. “That’s yucky.”

“Oh, Charles, you won’t be my Valentine?” Ava pouted.

“No, gross. Girls are gross.”

“Are they, then?” Tommy raised an eyebrow then went to give Ava a big dramatic kiss.

“EW!” Charlie pulled his shirt over his head to hide his face.

They laughed. “Alright, alright. I guess your dad will be my Valentine. And maybe we can add a nose to the smiley face.” Ava put another piece of pepperoni on the pizza. “Go on and add some peppers and onions. I’ve got to get your Valentine gifts.” She washed her hands and went down the hall.

Tommy took the cue and grabbed Ava’s necklace from his briefcase.

Ava returned with two wrapped gifts. “Charlie, love, this is from dad and me.” She gave him a box which he happily tore into to find an art supply kit.

“Wow, cool! Thanks!” He beamed.

Ava and Tommy exchanged gifts as well. He opened his to find a photograph of his newest racehorse with his name, Kingsman, carved into the silver frame.

“To add to your collection.” She smiled knowing that Tommy kept a photo of all of his winning horses in his office.

“I love it.” He remarked at the stunning picture of the pure black stallion.

Ava didn’t answer. She had opened the jewelry box to find the silver necklace with a teardrop diamond pendant. She had never owned anything so beautiful before. “Tom…” Her eyes welled up with tears.

“D’you like it?” He asked hesitantly.

“Of course.” Her voice shook. “It’s gorgeous, thank you.” She touched his cheek and kissed him deeply.

“Daddy, I don’t like mushrooms, I’m not putting mushrooms on the pizza.” Charlie interrupted them.

“Alright, it was worth a shot.” Tommy sighed and went back over to the counter.

“That looks very nice, Charlie.” Ava praised. “Why don’t we let dad put it in the oven and we can check out your new art supplies.”

“Okay!” Charlie hopped down from the stool and carried the box to the kitchen table.

Ava kissed Tommy’s cheek. “Happy Valentine’s Day.” She said softly.

//It felt so funny writing the tube. Like I feel like it’s some sort of slang that Americans think British people use but they don’t? In my city we call the subway the T. That’s also stupid but our subway lines are bastards who don’t deserve full names or loving nicknames. Fuck you T.

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ugly-crying-over-bucky-barnes · 3 years

Text

Field of Poppies Part 26

Part 26: Everything seems to be going in the right direction but looks can be deceiving.

“Morning Mrs. Shelby.”

It had become commonplace in the later months of 1918. When walking down the street, Amelia was greeted and addressed politely. Some people even went out of their way to avoid walking by her. Of course, she was just a young woman, a mother of two. There wasn’t much she could do to harm them. But it was her affiliation that brought her a level of notoriety.

Tommy had taken the income made during the war years and turned it into a budding empire. He’d grown so much power seemingly overnight.

People in every corner of Birmingham whispered about him and his brothers. They were afraid that if they spoke the name Shelby too loudly, they’d be struck down.

“Mummy, who’s that?” Max asked as they were walking from Polly’s flat back to the betting shop. A gentleman had just tipped his hat and greeted Amelia.

“I uh, I think he must work with daddy.” She answered although she wasn’t entirely sure.

“Daddy knows everyone,” Annie said.

Amelia laughed softly. “Well not everyone. But he knows many people. We grew up here with your aunts and uncles.”

“Where?” Max asked curiously.

“That flat down by the lamppost.” She pointed down the road to her childhood home. Over time it had become just part of the landscape for her. But when she moved back to Birmingham, she couldn’t help but feel the tear in her heart when she passed by its black door.

It was where she was born, had her birthdays, spent time with her mother and father, and felt most safe.

The knocker on the door was still the one that had been there when she was growing up. The same one that Tommy used to get her to come out and play. Sometimes Amelia’s mother would close the door on him. So, he’d go around back and throw pebbles at her window instead.

Amelia felt like her life was severed. What she once had and what she now had. She could argue that she was much better off with her children and husband. But there was still that yearning for the family she once had with her parents.

She pulled herself away from the sadness and smiled. “Your father and I would play football on this street with your aunt and uncles.”

“Did daddy love you?” Annie asked.

Amelia smiled and squeezed her hand. “I think so, poppet. I loved him very much. Almost as much as I do now.”

~~~~~~~~~~

Ada was clearly upset about something. When she was angry, she made it a point not to speak to anyone and made sure they knew it.

It became very clear when she arrived home to Six Watery while Martha and Amelia were spending time chatting in the kitchen, waiting for Polly who promised to go shopping with them after she settled some work issues.

Ada came storming into the house, slamming the door behind her. She walked through the kitchen to the betting shop doors.

“Ada?” Amelia frowned when she saw the look of anger on the Shelby girl’s face.

She didn’t answer and marched into the betting shop hell-bent on getting something accomplished.

The other two women shared a glance before Amelia stood up to follow her. She wove between the men at work to follow Ada into Arthur’s office.

There, the two eldest Shelbys were speaking with one another.

“Why are you alienating your friends?” Ada demanded loudly.

“Why are you coming into an office unannounced?” Tommy shot back.

“Are you planning on cutting ties with everyone once they stop doing what you tell them?” His sister didn’t back down.

Arthur stood up from his desk to calm things down. “Alright, alright, what’s the matter then?”

“Freddie told me that he left the business and he said that you cut Danny out as well,” Ada explained her ire.

Amelia, standing in the doorway, paused. This was all news to her.

“That isn’t any of your concern.”

“Oh, so now you’re a big-shot businessman. You don’t care about anyone.” Ada snapped sarcastically.

“Why do you care so much, aye?” Tommy demanded.

There was a hesitation in Ada’s face. As if there was something right on the tip of her tongue but she knew the consequences if she let the words slip. And right then and there it dawned on Amelia what those words were.

“Because they saved your life in France. The least you could do is repay the fucking favor.” Ada spat before leaving the office, bumping into Amelia on her way out.

Tommy and Arthur watched her leave then looked to Amelia.

“Tom?” She asked quietly.

He sighed and ran a hand over his face. “Freddie doesn’t want anything to do with us anymore.” He spoke evenly. “Said the communist party was a better use of his time, a better cause. Doesn’t approve of our methods anymore.”

“What about Danny?”

Arthur sat back down; his eyes downcast with guilt. “The war fucking got ‘im. Ain’t the same Danny he used to be.”

“We’ve done everything we possibly can,” Tommy added.

Amelia got a bad taste in her mouth. “Rosie relies on you to help. She doesn’t know what to do-”

“And I do?” Tommy replied harshly.

She swallowed and shook her head. “I guess not.” She didn’t linger much longer after that, leaving the office before she got hurt any further.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Ada?” Amelia knocked on the bedroom door again. “Ada, it’s just me, please let me in.”

Only silence met her for a few moments. Then, the door opened slowly. The young woman had obviously been crying but was attempting to hide it.

“Oh, love, I’m sorry.”

“You shouldn’t be the one apologizing for him,” Ada muttered before going to go sit on her bed.

Amelia walked into her room and sat beside her. On the bed, there was a heap of letters. Gently, she picked some up and flipped through them. “These are from Freddie?”

Ada nodded. “I love him, Mel.” She admitted hoarsely. “And he loves me. But those bastards downstairs would never approve.”

There was no use in lying to her. Amelia was well aware that any news of Ada and Freddie being together wouldn’t go over well with the rest of the household.

“I just wish we could have what you and Tommy have. Everyone just…they just knew you’d be together. It was just something that was supposed to happen. But they’d never say that about Freddie and me.”

Amelia wrapped an arm around her sister-in-law. “I know you’re discouraged and I understand why. But no matter what they say, I say that if you truly love him, I won’t judge you. It’s about what makes you happiest.”

Ada sniffled and wiped her eyes. “They don’t want me to be happy.”

“Oh, now I don’t think that’s true. They just…” She sighed. “They just think they know what’s best for you. You know they’re very headstrong.”

“I know.”

“And there may be a day when their opinion changes. Right now, the dust just needs to settle. They’re still trying to find their place in the world again. And that may take time.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Amelia began to notice that Tommy’s side of the bed was not being slept in. There were more nights in the week when he was absent than when he slept next to her. Though she was feeling neglected, her instinct was to worry about his health.

Especially with Danny’s increase in outbursts and Rosie’s panic. Amelia was more and more worried that Tommy’s mind was going too.

She decided to stay up, no matter how tired she was. The longer time passed, the more anxious she became.

Until finally, around one in the morning, she heard the door open and shut downstairs. But she never heard Tommy’s footsteps climb the stairs. So, she decided to go down herself.

A lamp in the sitting room was on and there was a scent of something burning. Although it was a strange unfamiliar scent to her.

Amelia cautiously entered the room. “Tom?”

He was sitting on the couch and placing a long pipe on the coffee table in front of him. He looked up to see his wife’s form lit up by the glow of the lamp burning in front of him. “Mel…” He slurred and began to slump down into the sofa cushions.

“Tommy.” She crossed the room quickly to see what was wrong. She knelt by him and took his face in her hands. “What’s the matter? What are you doing?”

“M’alright.” He assured her in a laxed tone. His eyelids were heavy. “It’s just…” He didn’t finish his sentence before he drifted off.

Amelia was completely unsure of what to do. It was obvious that he was breathing, but she wasn’t sure if she should be afraid, he would stop breathing. Trembling slightly, she guided his hand away from the pipe and laced her fingers with his. To calm her nerves, she counted his slow breathing as he slept.

And she sat there counting all night. Until the wee hours of the morning when Tommy began to stir and twitch in his sleep.

Exhausted, Amelia felt his hand tighten around hers. Then suddenly, he jerked awake, sitting up in a panic.

It jolted Amelia out of her tired daze as her hand was ripped out of his by his abrupt movement.

“Tommy, Tom, it’s okay.” She tried to reassure him.

Breathing heavily, he looked around the room trying to gauge where he was and if he was safe. His eyes landed on his wife and his heart rate started to steady. “Mel…” He looked slightly past her and found his pipe and opium still out in the open, making him tense up again.

Amelia wasn’t sure what to say. She wondered all night what she might ask when he awoke, but there were no words. Her chest tightened and everything came out all at once. “I stayed up all night with you.” She gasped out; the words had been stuck in her head for so many hours. “I didn’t know…I don’t understand.”

Tommy shook his head. “I don’t know how to make you understand.”

She tried so desperately to not cry. “Have you not been sleeping?”

He rested his elbows on his knees, leaning forward and letting his head hang. “I have if I…” He sighed. “I haven’t been sleeping upstairs because I don’t want to wake you or the kids.” He explained.

“It’s nightmares then.” She concluded.

Tommy put his face in his hands. “Feels worse.” He muttered into his palms.

Amelia rested a hand on his knee. She looked to the pipe that had gone cold hours ago. The lamp near it had been snuffed out by her hours earlier. How could this be? She was jealous of a drug. Jealous of opium. Jealous that it offered her husband relief while she couldn’t.

He lifted his head when there was a sound of a slowly plodding by the flat. “Max’s birthday is on Friday.”

She nodded. “It is.”

As the sun began to rise, they stayed there for a long while until the children woke. Nothing resolved, Tommy placed the pipe back into hiding and Amelia tried to forget she ever saw him slide the box underneath the sofa.

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ugly-crying-over-bucky-barnes · 4 years

Text

Field of Poppies Part 19

Part 19: The war rages on and Amelia struggles to hold things together as the Shelby boys face the Battle of Somme

Dear Amelia,

I got the photograph of Annie and Max together. I can’t believe how much they’ve both grown. I hope Max is being good to his sister. At least he’s been around John’s kids before.

Have you made any New Years' resolutions? Not that you need to change anything. I’ve always thought you were perfect. Much too good for me and much too good for Small Heath. I promise that once I come home, we’ll get business going and start making real money. Then I’ll buy you that house out in the countryside. Nice big lawn for Max and Annie to play. We’ll have a stable full of horses. I think it’ll be nice. I want to give you what you deserve. I want to make up for lost time.

Tell Max and Annie I love them very much and I hope to be home soon. I’m hoping that at least Annie doesn’t remember me ever being gone. Maybe when I come back, she’ll be young enough that she won’t remember ever being apart from her dad. I’d hope for the same for Max but he’s grown up so much since I’ve left. And what you’ve been saying about him asking after me. I’m afraid he’ll never forget this. I just hope that I can make it up to him when I return. And to you.

I love you very much.

Yours,

Tommy

Since Ada was old enough to look after the kids, Martha and Polly swapped turns staying over at Amelia’s at night. With a young child and a newborn, they figured she needed some extra help. Especially since Amelia seemed to be stuck in deep sadness. It was clear she was doing everything she could to be the best mother possible for her son and daughter. But all of her energy and time went into them and her work in the betting shop. She hardly gave herself another thought, struggling to take care of herself most days. She never slept more than a few hours at a time, even if Polly or Martha was there to stay up with the baby if needed. She was growing thin because she had no interest in eating. Everything about her just seemed to dull. Her hair, her eyes, her skin. She looked lifeless.

What was more, Polly knew she was lying to Tommy. She snooped a bit and read an unfinished letter that Amelia was writing to her husband. It was full of pleasantries and lies about her well being. She wrote about how wonderful the children were and how much they were growing each day. She wrote about the business doing well. Wrote about Ada and Finn. Polly and Martha. Abigail and Wilbur. Then, she wrote one brief sentence about herself.

I’m doing well.

~~~~~~~

Neither Tommy nor Amelia knew that they were both having hauntingly similar dreams in the brief bouts of sleep they got. Each of them had vivid nightmares about losing the other in a haze of darkness. They would scream and yell for each other but there was no answer. They woke up in a sweat, almost in tears. It felt so real. Amelia swore she could smell Tommy’s cigarettes. And he was certain he could smell her perfume.

Neither of them told a soul about the night terrors. They simply went on about their days, hoping that when night came, they wouldn’t have another dream. But it was inevitable.

~~~~~~~~~~~

After a few months of Amelia’s depressive state, Max was starting to act out. It appeared he was picking up on his mother’s sadness and as a young child, it was frightening. He would have outbursts of screaming and tears at a moment’s notice. Any little thing could set him off. He often went off on Finn who had always been like an older brother to him.

One day, things took a turn for the worst. Amelia was in the betting shop with the rest of the girls while Ada watched the children. She began to hear shouting and crying.

“Enough!” Ada snapped from the parlor. “Max, get off!”

Amelia got up to see what was going on. She found the sitting room had been turned into a warzone. Ada was holding back Max who was wailing and writhing in her arms. Finn was standing a few feet away, looking dazed with a bloody lip.

“What’s going on?” She gasped.

“Max hit me!” Finn exclaimed.

Amelia looked aghast. “Maxwell? Did you hit Finn?” She knelt down on the ground in front of him.

Ada let go of him, confident Amelia could handle him. “I don’t even know what set him off.” She sighed in disappointment.

“Max, we do not hit people. That’s very naughty.” She scolded. The young boy’s face was going purple as he cried and tried to push his mother away. “What has gotten into you lately?”

Overwhelmed and exhausted from overexerting himself, Max went limp. Amelia pulled him into her arms, cradling him close like she did when he was just a baby.

“I miss daddy!” He sobbed.

She felt tears well up in her eyes as she held him tightly. “I know, darling. I miss him too.” She tried to hold steady, to show him that she was strong. He needed someone to have strength. But she felt as if she fell short.

“Why can’t he come home? S’not fair!” He wailed. He was getting so worked up he was practically shaking in Amelia’s arms.

“You’re right, it’s not fair.” She rubbed his back. “It’s not fair at all. But it’s something we have to live with. We have to stay strong for daddy. I want him home too, but I know he’s keeping us all safe.” Her words felt so hollow. Amelia had become so jaded with the war. The toll was far greater than anyone expected. Was she just meant to stand around and wait for the news while holding her breath? Was she supposed to hope for the best? Was she supposed to prepare for the worst? What was she supposed to tell her son if Tommy died in France? How could she ever help him understand?

Tears slipped down her cheeks as she rocked back and forth with Max clinging to her. Some days it felt like her children were the only things keeping her tied to the Earth. Otherwise, she was afraid she might just lose her mind completely.

~~~~~~~~~~~

One Sunday afternoon, Ada came over to visit Max and Annie. She spent the day at Amelia’s playing with her nephew and cooing over her niece. When Max and Annie were put down for a nap, Amelia made tea for them both.

“Who are you writing to?” Amelia wondered.

Ada was sat at the kitchen table, adding to an already lengthy letter with a couple of pages. Immediately the young woman looked up, her face turning red. “Erm…well.” She sighed. “Fine, I’ll tell you but you can’t tell anyone. Not even Polly.”

“I’m not a gossip, Ada. You know you can tell me anything.”

“Well…it’s to Freddie.” She finally admitted with a shy look. “John said he doesn’t get many letters because his mother is ill and his father passed away. So, I started to write to him.”

“Oh.” Amelia knew there was something else Ada wasn’t saying. “And you fancy him then?”

“Mel!” She cried.

“I’m just asking! I mean, you’ve known him practically your whole life.” Amelia thought out loud as she poured tea for them both. “Bit older than you.”

Ada rolled her eyes. “Oh my God, he’s only seven years older than me. And I’m an adult so I can make my own decisions.” She replied, lifting her chin.

“Yet, you want to keep it a secret.” Amelia sat down beside her sister-in-law, remarking silently at how much Ada had written.

She huffed. “Because me stupid brothers would never let me see him. They’re too protective.”

“They’re only looking out for your best interest.”

“They’re being nosy.”

“Alright, alright.” Amelia laughed softly. “I’m sure Freddie appreciates your letters.”

“Oh, Mel, he’s so clever.” Ada gushed. It seemed she was glad for someone to confide in about her secret romance. But her face fell. “I just…I hope he comes home. It would be so awful to have this relationship with him and then-” Her voice faltered and her eyes went down to her letter. “I’m so worried about all of them. I don’t know if I could bear losing any of them. I think about it all the time. I’m worried every time Polly gets the mail.”

Amelia knew exactly what she was talking about. She had to steel herself every day while getting the mail. She prayed that she wouldn’t get that damn letter. The one telling her that her husband had been killed. Somedays, she couldn’t even get herself to pick up the little pile of letters by the front door.

“Do you think they’ll come home soon?”

Amelia swallowed and nodded. “I think so. The war can’t go on forever.”

~~~~~~~~~~~

Great British Offensive

Attack On A 20 Mile Front

German Trenches Occupied

In mid-summer, Amelia read the headline. Her eyes scanned for the usual markers that told her whether or not the news could affect Tommy.

Somme.

“Pol, that’s where the boys are.” She pushed the newspaper toward Polly who was sitting at the front table in the betting shop.

She took the paper. “What did I tell you about reading the news? It’ll only make you more stressed.” She chided gently. “There’s no need to get up in arms about news like this. If there is anything to do with them, we’ll get a letter.”

“I feel like I’m going crazy. Tommy won’t tell me anything. It’s as if he’s gone on holiday, just sitting around doing nothing. I know that’s not the case.” She replied.

Polly sighed. “Sit down.”

“Why?”

“Because we’re having a conversation, sit down.”

Amelia listened, but her heart rate was starting to pick up. “Polly, what?”

“I wrote to Tommy months ago, a long time before Annie was born. I told him to be light on the details when he wrote to you.” She confessed.

“Light on the…you mean he doesn’t tell me anything because you went behind my back?” Amelia instantly put up her defenses. It was her only coping mechanism other than shutting the world out.

“I was looking out for your best interest. You couldn’t have stress with the baby and now you…well, I don’t think you could handle such news.” Polly replied frankly.

“You have no right to intrude on my relationship like that!” Amelia snapped. “What I discuss with my husband is my business, no one else’s.”

“I was only trying to help.”

“Well, I’m glad that Tommy will listen to you. And I’m so glad that everyone around me wants to coddle me like I’m so fragile. I’ve survived because I’m resilient, Polly. If I was so fragile, I would’ve broken years ago. But I’m still here! I have two kids and my husband is fighting overseas. I’m still here though and I’m still fighting. So, think about that next time you decide to censor my life.” She stood up quickly and left the shop.

~~~~~~~~~~

The battle raged until November. Tommy kept fighting with the pictures of Amelia, Max, and Annie, in his breast pocket. Even at his darkest moments, when he wanted to give in, he kept at it. Even when his muscles screamed for relief, or when he was fighting through the mud, he continued on.

It was lucky they all made it out alive, even though there were some close calls. John had broken an arm, Arthur was shot in the shoulder, Freddie took a nasty bayonet wound to the stomach, and Jeremiah had been hit with shrapnel. They tried to keep their spirits up, but after the battle, they had all changed so drastically.

One night in the trenches, Arthur and Tommy were chatting quietly. Neither could sleep with the persistent sound of gunfire all around them.

“Don’t even think Mel will recognize me,” Tommy muttered as he cleaned his rifle. “Won’t be the same man returning.”

“Nothing’ll change, Tom.” His brother tried to reassure him. “You’re still Tommy Shelby. That’s not gonna change.”

He shook his head. “Already have changed, brother. We all have. We can’t just leave this behind when we go home? How do you think that’ll work, aye? We just pretend none of this happened?”

Arthur’s brow wrinkled but he couldn’t come up with an argument. He knew Tommy was right.

“M’fraid I’ll go back and she’ll realize that I’m not the same person. That she won’t like the person that I am. Maybe she’ll leave, take the kids with her.” He mumbled.

“Enough of that. You’re only thinking of ways to punish yourself when you ain’t done nothing wrong. Put that shit outta your head, okay? Mel will always love you, you know that.”

Tommy stared at his rifle, all sorts of thoughts were running through his head. “And what if I don’t go home at all? What if I don’t make it out of here?”

Arthur was obviously concerned with his brother’s thoughts but he couldn’t blame him either. The battle had taken a lot out of them. All of them saw the potential of death. There was no fooling themselves. Anyone of them had a good chance of never making it out of those tunnels. “You just keep your head up, aye? We’ve made it this far, we’ll keep going.” He said gently. “Just got to keep your hopes high.”

Tommy heard him but wasn’t sure he believed.

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ugly-crying-over-bucky-barnes · 4 years

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Promises Not Kept Epilogue

Summary: Tommy Shelby made a promise to Jonah Ward while in the war. A promise he didn't keep. But it comes to haunt him when he tries to drown out his sorrows with a young woman.

Epilogue: Tommy just wants to go home.

It was three in the morning when Tommy woke his wife up. “I want to go home.” He decided once Leah had sat up and opened her eyes.

“Huh?” She rubbed her eyes with a yawn. “Home, like Birmingham?”

“No, Arrow House.”

“Alright.” She nodded. After all, she assumed they would have to go home sooner or later. They couldn’t just move in with Alfie for the rest of their lives, even if the children would’ve preferred it.

“No, Lee, I want to go home. Really just go home.”

Perhaps it was the early hour, but Leah didn’t understand. “I don’t get what you mean.”

“I just want to go home. I can turn over the business to someone else in the family. Michael has a plan for running a more legitimate operation. I can give him the reins. As for Parliament, I can run out my time and not run for re-election.”

She looked at him in disbelief. It was the words she wanted to hear him say for years, but never assumed he would ever say them. “Why-what changed your mind?” She wondered, hoping the question wouldn’t put him off from the idea.

“I can’t fucking take it anymore.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I won’t last much longer if I continue. And I can’t leave you or the kids not this soon.”

Although she wanted to jump at the chance to get him to retire, she was hesitant for various reasons. “Last time you tried to relax…” She reminded him.

“I know,” Tommy remembered the haze of anguish as his wife cleaned up the wound on his hand and had to help him up off the floor of his study. “I’m not saying it will be easy. But it’s something.”

Leah bit her lip and reached over to touch his cheek. “I just want you to be happy, Tom.”

He rested a hand over hers. “You and the children make me happy. I just-I just need to leave all the other shit behind.”

She began to cry, tears of joy, but tears all the same. “Oh, Tom.” She gasped in relief and sank into his arms.

He held her close, rubbing her back comfortingly. “Sh, sh, s’alright. It’s going to be alright.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You know when I got out of the hospital after you shot me in the fucking face. Remember, that right?”

“Yes, Alfie, I remember.”

“Well after I returned here, I sat down in me armchair and wondered what the hell I were going to do the rest of me fucking life.”

The two men were sitting outside in the chairs out on the lawn. There, the children were playing together, savoring their last day in Margate before going back to Warwickshire. Leah was inside making sure that everything was packed and they’d left the rooms in a clean state. She hoped they would be welcomed back in the future, perhaps to go on holiday or just to visit. The beachfront property, and Alfie, had really grown on her.

“’Course I don’t know how many years I’ve got left, right, but it’s still something to think ‘bout innit? Nothing to work on, nothing to keep me occupied. Seemed like a fucking nightmare. But there’s something to be said about retiring. Comforting, right, ‘cause you ain’t got nothing relying on you.” Alfie paused to take a drag from his pipe. “I’m sure that would drive you absolutely bat shit crazy, wouldn’t it?”

Tommy nodded slightly. “I suppose it would. I’ve been moving forward all me life.”

“You’re still moving forward, mate. We all are. Just ‘cause you ain’t out doing anything, making deals ‘n shit. Got to find the happy medium, right. Halfway ‘tween overworking and being dead in the grave.” Alfie pointed at Tommy. “But, I tell you this. You’ve got the advantage, haven’t you? Three young kids and a wife? Mate, if they don’t keep you busy than I don’t know what the fuck will.”

The Brummie nodded slowly, watching his children running about still playing the fantasy game of pirates.

“And by the time they’re older, you’ll’ve gotten used to being idle.”

It was a promising notion. If Tommy could throw himself into his children’s lives, would that be enough to keep the shovels away? He didn’t know until he tried. And he needed to try for their sake and Leah’s sake. “So that’s why you like having them around, aye? You’re lonely?”

Alfie rolled his eyes. “It were a favor to you. No, not even you. Favor to your wife. She’s a fucking saint for putting up with you all these years.”

“That she is.” Tommy couldn’t argue with that.

“Kids, right, they’re messy, loud, whiney, needy, you’ve gotta do everything for them.” He snorted and shook his head. “I’ll stick to raising dogs.” Then he paused. “But sure, they fill the space, don’t they?”

“So, you mind us coming back then.” Tommy surmised, stubbing out his cigarette.

“S’long as you give me a few weeks’ notice, I s’pose that’ll be alright.”

“Of course.”

~~~~~~~~~

“Bye, Uncle Alfie.”

“Hey, now, why the gloomy face, aye?” Alfie knelt down to come eye to eye with Johanna. The Shelbys were all packed up and ready to head back to Warwickshire. But the children were a bit glum.

“I don’t wanna go home.” The little girl pouted and clutched her stuffed rabbit close to her chest.

“Why’s that? S’been a while since you’ve been home. You get to see all the horses again, right?”

Johanna nodded but still stuck out her lower lip.

“Get to go back to school in September too, yeah? You’ll meet new friends and have a grand ol’ time, won’t you?” Alfie tried to get her to lighten up a little.

She just shrugged. “I guess.”

“Buck up, kiddo. You ‘n your family can come back here to visit whenever. Won’t be long ‘till you’re back here on holiday.” He stood and scooped her up so he could help her into the car. Charlie and Cyril were already wedged in the backseat. “Cap’n Charlie.” Alfie tipped his cap. “You look after your crew, aye?”

“Aye-aye!” Charlie beamed proudly.

Leah came out holding Molly. Tommy was following with the last of their things. “Alfie, I don’t know how we can thank you for everything.” She said gently.

“Oh, nonsense.” Alfie shrugged off her concern. “The only thing you two need to do is take care of each other. Tommy and I, right, had a pretty shit upbringing. Perhaps it’s God’s plan that we stop the cycle from repeating, yeah?”

Leah smiled and touched Tommy’s shoulder. “I think we’ll do okay at that.”

Although Tommy was worried about the changes they were entering, he smiled too. “Thank you, Alfie.” He shook the man’s hand. For once it was a handshake purely out of good brotherhood. Not a deal in progress. Just a gesture of thanks.

“Right, set a course for Warwickshire, Miss Joey you keep a close watch on the sails,” Alfie instructed.

Johanna and Charlie laughed out the open window of the car. “Bye, Uncle Alfie!” They chirped happily.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tommy knew that when Arrow House was empty, it felt like a shell of a house. Just bare-bones, chilly and barren. When the children filled the space, it suddenly came alive. Noise was a constant from wake-up time to bedtime. There was a warmth to it that kept even the largest rooms toasty and it wasn’t because it was the beginning of summer.

Photographs filled the space and it was very difficult to walk through the house without stepping or tripping on a toy. Tommy had a particularly nasty tumble when he tripped over a rocking horse in the middle of the night.

But the house was finally becoming something it had never been before even at their best moments. It was a family home. Where everyone felt like they belonged there and there was no doubt of that.

Yet despite the atmosphere changing and the routine settling into stone, things were not all perfect. It was one thing trying to turn over the business to the rest of his family. The process was long and taxing and took a lot of Tommy’s attention. So much so that when it was over, he wasn’t sure what else he could do.

Of course, he still held his seat in Parliament. But he removed himself from the party with Mosley and for the most part kept his head down. He didn’t listen to the rumors or scathing remarks from others. Powerful, up and coming Tommy Shelby was stepping away from it all. He wasn’t the man he used to be.

Tommy knew Mosley had retribution coming for him. It was only a matter of time. Instead, he focused on what he initially set out to do before he was drafted into the war. He wanted to help those shunned by the elite of society.

With Leah’s help, they looked into opening more homes for children under Grace’s foundation. Slowly but surely, he felt himself returning to the man he once was. A romantic who smiled more and wanted justice for those who couldn’t get it themselves.

Tommy knew that keeping himself busy with things he believed in and his family, he could keep the shovels away. But he wasn’t totally in the clear.

~~~~~~~~

It came via a phone call from Michael. There was trouble with Italians on the racetrack. Arthur was meant to be handling it but Michael was worried about the repercussions to their funds. They were still relying heavily on cash to get through the financial depression. And the tracks had made them a good sum of money to keep the rest of the business afloat. Now, Sabini’s men were making a try for their pitches.

It was almost instinct, Tommy wanted to instruct his cousin on what to do. He’d drive over, gun in hand and start dealing out threats to anyone who was challenging his business.

Then Leah passed by the open door of his study. She was carrying Molly upstairs, the little girl fast asleep in her arms. His wife glanced over and met his eyes. She smiled.

It felt like every nerve in Tommy’s body was fighting itself. His heart was pounding in his chest as he clutched the phone.

“Tom? Tommy? Are you still there?”

Forcefully, he hung up the phone and put his head in his arms. He needed to take care of his children. What if he went out to challenge Sabini and he was shot? What if that was his final action? Leah would be devastated that he hadn’t stayed honest, his children would be heartbroken. Molly wouldn’t even have a memory of him. Just like Charlie didn’t have a memory of Grace.

He felt it coming. As if he were standing on a train track and he could feel the vibrations of the incoming train. He could hear the loud whistle in the air. Could see the smoke curling over the horizon. But he couldn’t move an inch off the tracks. He just had to wait for it to hit him.

Fingers curling into his hair, his chest seized as he tried to take a few deep breaths. But it was futile. The panicked feeling was already upon him. The thing that was too powerful to fight. An old enemy.

Leah came back downstairs after putting the children to bed. She checked in on Tommy and found him slumped over his desk, hyperventilating. By that point, she recognized the signs that he wasn’t in medical danger, he was suffering from something completely in his mind.

“Tom…Tommy,” She hurried over to his desk. “It’s okay, I’m here.”

He didn’t answer, he hardly even moved aside from his panicked breathing.

Leah knelt down by his desk chair and put a hand on his shoulder. “I’m here. I’m here, Tom.” She whispered softly. “You’ll be okay, you’ll get through this, I promise. I promise. I promise you will.”

It took about two hours until Tommy was worn out. Wordlessly, he reached out to his wife. She helped him upstairs and into bed where he fell asleep rather quickly. Leaving her to watch over him with a worried look. She thought she would be enough.

~~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning, Tommy woke up very early. Leah was still fast asleep as he got dressed in an old button-down shirt, trousers, and bracers. He grabbed his flat cap and carefully shut the door behind him so he didn’t wake her.

The maids were preparing breakfast for the children so it would be ready for them when they woke for school.

“Francis, I’m going on a ride. Will you tell Leah when she wakes up?” Tommy grabbed his riding boots and coat.

“Of course, Mr. Shelby.”

He was about to leave out the door when he heard quiet footsteps behind him. Tommy turned and saw Charlie halfway down the stairs. He was dressed for school, carrying his uniform jacket and cap over his arm.

“Where are you going?” He asked.

“Why are you up?” Tommy skirted the question.

Charlie shrugged. “I heard you get up and I thought it was time for school.” He explained.

“It’s still too early, you can go back upstairs.”

But Charlie lingered on the steps. “Are you going away, dad?” He asked in a small voice.

Tommy’s brow furrowed. “Away? What do you mean?”

“Like…when you’ve left before.”

Father and son stared at each other in the foyer, neither exactly sure how to tell the other one how they truly felt. But their emotions had been simmering in their stomachs for so long, they were bound to come out eventually.

“Go and get your riding boots,” Tommy instructed, instead of really answering his son.

Charlie immediately perked up at the prospect of going riding. “Really?”

“Quickly.” Tommy nodded.

The boy dropped his jacket and cap to rush and get his boots.

“Francis, tell Leah that Charlie will be coming with me as well. He’ll be taking the day off from school as well.”

“Yes. Mr. Shelby.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Zeus and Pippin were quite the opposites as far as horses went. Tommy’s large black gelding was steady but powerful. A thoroughbred-draft cross, he was built like a tank and carried himself as such. Pippin was Charlie’s little Haflinger pony. With his long, blond mane and round belly, he looked a bit dopey next to Zeus. Despite his short stature, he was still headstrong and could give Charlie a hard time. However, he never intentionally tried to harm the boy.

That’s why Tommy felt comfortable heading out on the trails with Charlie off the lunge line. Even if Pippin were to spook, his short legs wouldn’t carry him very far and he would most likely give up before he even tried running off. The only Charlie had to worry about was Pippin eating the entire trip along the trail. Bending his neck down to graze at the long grass or grabbing a bite from one of the bushes along the way. Charlie had to constantly pull him away from anything that looked edible.

The first leg of the journey, Tommy and Charlie was quiet. They listened to the forest creatures start to stir with the rising sun. Birds chirped good mornings to one another as they flitted from branch to branch. The brush stirred with movements of rabbits or squirrels or even the occasional fox. As the sun climbed higher off the horizon, the rays began to filter through the summer leaves. Dappled sunshine highlighting the shiny buckles and stirrups on the horses’ tack.

Tommy shed off his jacket as the air became warmer and started to buzz with the sound of insects. “Let’s stop up ahead.”

They came out of the forest onto a large hill. From the top of the hill, they could see a wide view of the British countryside. Fields and fences rolling over hills and dips in the land. There was a herd of cows a couple of miles away, slowly moving across a pasture.

Tommy dismounted and helped Charlie down as well. He offered his son water and a snack that he had packed before leaving. He felt that he would be out for a while, he needed some open air and space.

The two settled onto the grass, Tommy’s legs sprawled out as he propped himself up with his elbows to watch the sun continue to rise in the sky. “I remember taking you out in the vardo after Grace passed away.” He began to tell his son without prompting.

“I don’t remember that.” Charlie frowned as he opened the package of biscuits.

“No, you were very little. About Molly’s age. Could hardly talk. But you said Mumma.” Tommy kept his eyes out on the horizon, nodding absent-mindedly. “I told you that I was no good.” He recalled.

“Why?”

Tommy sighed and looked over at his son. Sometimes, when he woke up in the morning, he still expected Charlie to come toddling in. Still just an infant, hardly able to say much. When he came downstairs, sometimes it put Tommy in a shock. He’d gotten so big in seemingly such a short amount of time. As had Johanna. As had Molly. They all grew unbelievably quickly and Tommy was almost desperate to put a halt to time. Because what happened when they became teenagers or young adults? When they could truly see the kind of man he was? Or maybe they would hear stories about what he’d done in the past. What if they never wanted to speak with him again? What if they wrote him out of their lives?

When they were at the ages they were, Tommy could do no wrong. He was a saint because they didn’t know any better. Now he was just afraid of what would happen when they did know better.

“Because I thought I couldn’t take care of you properly.” Tommy picked a pine needle out of Charlie’s blonde hair. “Not without Grace, at least. I was very fortunate your mum came into me life. But I still worry that I’m not enough for you or your sisters.” He admitted, even if he wasn’t sure that Charlie would understand. It felt good to try and own up to his fears out loud.

“I was really sad when we were in America and you weren’t with us,” Charlie told him. “Because I thought that you didn’t care about me or Jo. But I think you care ‘bout us now.” Charlie said with a shy shrug. “’Cause you’re home more and you smile more. And you play with us and tell us stories. I like that.”

Tommy swallowed. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. I think it’s nice. Because I like when you’re here. And if you weren’t here I think Jo and mum and Molly would be sad. I would be sad too.”

“I like being here for you all too.” Tommy nodded and took a deep breath. That’s all he could do. Be there for them. Even if he thought he was a shit father, at least he wasn’t away. He was there and they would have memories of him. Memories of the promises he made to them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Shelby, Mr. Charles, Miss Johanna, and Miss Molly.

If you’re reading this, then I’ve died. I’ve asked this to be mailed to you when I do die so that’ll be the only reason, you’re reading it. After the skin cancer returned, I decided to get my affairs in order just in case. Yesterday, the doctor said the cancer had spread to my organs. He used a big word but I’m not going to try and spell it out. You’ll most likely be notified of my funeral, just know it’ll be in Jewish customs. So, dress in something you don’t mind tearing. Ollie will explain everything to you when you arrive at Margate. Speaking of Margate, since I have no children to pass it on to, I decided to put my house in the Shelby name once I pass. I decided this a long time ago, but seeing the children enjoy the house for so many years, I figured it was only right. My lawyer will have everything in place, so no need to worry about that.

In the event that you’ll visit my grave in the future, I’ll ask this of you. Jews don’t really use flowers to give their condolences. Don’t want a bunch of dead flowers crowding my gravestone. Instead, it is custom to place a small rock on the gravesite. I’ll ask this of you.

Tommy, after a tumultuous length of time as business partners, I am happy to part as friends. I appreciate you allowing your family to bring me some joy in my years of retirement. Know that I went peacefully and I am now with God.

Regards,

Alfred Solomons

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Molly, Molly, careful!” Leah called out. “Oh, Tommy please go help her.”

Spring was budding in Margate as the Shelby family took the path to a familiar location. Nine-year-old Molly was being half-dragged there by their enormous bullmastiff who was only six months old but almost the size of what Cyril was fully grown.

Tommy trotted a few steps to grab the leash and rein in the excited pup. “Heel, Leo, heel!”

“I’ve got him, dad!” Molly complained even though her arm was getting tired from the puppy yanking on the lead.

“I know, I’m just trying to help.” Tommy got Leo back in place beside Molly.

“I’ve got a stone,” Johanna said, turning the smooth rock over in her hand. “I found it on the beach this morning.”

Molly gasped in a panic. “I forgot my stone!” She exclaimed.

“It’s okay, poppet,” Leah assured her. “We’ll find one on the way.”

“But it won’t be a pretty stone from the beach like Joey’s!” She protested.

“That’s alright.” Tommy placed a hand on his daughter’s shoulder. “Alfie would just appreciate the gesture.”

Finally, they arrived at Alfie’s grave. Already piled with rocks as they often visited and left their stones to commemorate him as he requested. Beside his grave lay Cyril who passed a couple of months after Alfie did. Almost in a fitting way of respect.

Charlie, who was seventeen, set his stone down first. He carefully dusted off the top of the headstone. They all had taken the loss in different ways. But all of them missed the larger-than-life man.

“Remember the time when we found a crab in a tidepool and it pinched Alfie’s thumb?” Johanna asked as she placed her stone atop the others.

Charlie chuckled. “That’s when Molly learned her first swear.”

Tommy couldn’t help but smile. He remembered Alfie swearing up a storm, trying to shake the critter off his hand. Leah was horrified when Molly started spouting off ‘fuck’ too thinking it was a funny word.

“Remember the time Cyril got sprayed by a skunk and rolled all over the carpet in the parlor?” Molly recalled.

Leah sighed. “The whole house stunk for weeks.” She leaned into Tommy’s side.

He wrapped an arm around her waist and kissed her temple.

“I liked playing pirates,” Johanna said. “That was the most fun.”

Charlie smiled. “Yeah then he made you captain and we ran aground.”

“Only because you weren’t looking!” His sister stuck her tongue out at him.

“I don’t remember it that way.” The teenager looked amused at the childhood memory.

“Alright, alright. Why don’t we leave Alfie to rest peacefully, and not listen to your bickering.” Tommy said and shooed them off. “Auntie Ada will be here soon with Pol and your cousins.” They were visiting so they could all say goodbye to Karl who had enlisted in the military and was now on his way out to fight in the war that had been looming on the horizon for years.

The three ran ahead with Leo, the puppy yipping at them.

Leah took Tommy’s hand in hers as they walked down the hill at a more leisurely pace. “He would be so proud of you, Tom.” She murmured softly.

Sometimes, Tommy couldn’t believe the time that had passed. His son was growing up to be a man. His daughters were growing up to be intelligent young ladies. They were educated and certainly more refined than he had ever been. But the most important part was they never had to see any of the atrocities he had. They grew into a comfortable life, only having to worry about their studies and friends. They rode horses and played the violin or piano. They smiled and laughed nearly every single day. And after every day, Tommy was there to wish them a good night. To tell him how much he loved them. And how proud he was of them.

And although he still struggled with his mind, Tommy knew that he was learning to accept things as they were. To cope, he looked at what he had been blessed with. Three lovely children and a beautiful wife.

Sometimes, Tommy still couldn’t believe that Leah was his. He assumed that she would’ve been gone years ago because of his behavior. But she stuck with him through thick and thin. Saw him at his lowest and helped him out of it. They knew everything about each other and it was so comforting to have someone there for him every night as he fell asleep. She kept the shovels away.

Neither of them was numb anymore. Not in the way they had been when they met. In fact, they were so full of life and love for their family and each other. Despite what was coming in Europe, they would always have each other and that meant something. It meant that Tommy had kept his promise to her.

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ugly-crying-over-bucky-barnes · 4 years

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Field of Poppies Part 17

Part 17: Amelia turns to faith for help, Danny Owens gets his nickname in the trenches

Max found Polly in the betting shop one morning. “Auntie Pol, mummy’s gotten sick again.”

“It’s okay, love. It’s natural.” Polly assured the little boy. “Come sit with me, I’m sure she’ll be down in a moment.”

“’Cause of the baby?” He asked, climbing up onto Polly’s lap as she worked in her office.

“Yes, darling. But she’ll be alright.”

They had told Max about the baby a little while after they got Tommy’s letter back. Though it was bittersweet, Tommy remarked that he was happy and hoped that he would be home soon. Though he didn’t give false hope about being there in time for the birth. At that point in Amelia’s pregnancy, everyone had given up hope on that happening. Especially as more news about the war hit the homefront. And more men were starting to come back.

It was horrifying. Men burned, deformed, missing limbs. Their stories started to circulate around Birmingham, the things they’d seen. The things they’d done, what others had done. The horrors they’d witnessed. Knowing the Shelby boys were in the middle of all of that, made Amelia sick to her stomach. She began to go to church with Polly every week. But it never seemed to be enough, so she started to go multiple times a week, sometimes every morning. Even when there was no service, she would go and sit in the empty church and pray.

She was never particularly religious. Her parents seemed indifferent to the church, as they were more focused on succeeding in life. They never saw prayer or submission to God as a way to move up in the world.

Amelia felt almost guilty that she was trying to use religion. Trying to comfort herself with prayers to a God she never really believed in. But at that point, she felt so helpless that she needed to do something.

The priest of the church began to recognize her as she went to church more often. He offered to sit with her for company.

At first, Amelia just agreed to let him sit with her. Then, she began to tell him about her fears and her doubts.

Telling a man of the cloth about her lack of faith was a bit funny to her. But Father Carr didn’t seem to mind.

“Sometimes I think that it’s all just a cruel joke,” Amelia admitted one day. Max was with Martha and the betting shop was quiet, so she took the free time to visit the church. “To take Tommy away from me while I’m pregnant.”

“Some things are hard to explain. We ask why God would allow for war to happen. We ask why he allows hardship in our lives. It is beyond our knowledge. Sometimes, religion doesn’t have all the answers like some people think.”

Amelia looked up at the stained-glass windows that allowed some of the dim light to come in. The particles of light mixed with the hazy smoke from the candles lit at the altar. “I just want him to come home to me.”

~~~~~~~~~~

Danny Owens was the first in the Small Heath group to get seriously injured. While out of the tunnels, in one of the trenches, he was hit by a piece of an artillery shell.

“For fuck’s sake, if you’re gonna get injured, don’t get hit in the neck,” Arthur said as he held a shirt to Danny’s wound right at the base of his neck.

“It just grazed me,” Danny replied, trying his best to stay calm and breathe.

“It’ll be okay.” John kept him propped up so he wouldn’t bleed to death.

They all learned early on that no one liked tunnelers. They were seen as a danger if they were nearby. So, no one liked to see them in the trenches. That meant they had to take care of themselves and each other.

“Hold ‘im still,” Jeremiah commanded as he examined the wound, dowsing it in alcohol.

Danny let out a scream through his gritted teeth as he fought John and Arthur’s hold.

“No more getting hit with whizz-bangs, Danny,” Tommy commanded, holding Danny’s feet down so he didn’t kick anyone.

“Yeah, or else we’ll start calling ya that.” John grinned.

The men chuckled, even getting a bit of a smile from Danny. “Alright.”

~~~~~~~~~~

It became clear after the first trimester, that this pregnancy would not be as easy as Max’s had been. Amelia began to have spells of dizziness and nausea that could last for days. Polly said it was because of stress, so she tried her best to keep the woman calm and at ease. But there was nothing she could do about the boys still being over in France.

Everyone was frightened, even Amelia although she wouldn’t admit it. She felt afraid that she was failing her second child before they were even born.

Max was starting to pick up on the anxiety around his mother and became very clingy to her. He would wail and cry if she was even in the next room. She couldn’t leave him for more than half an hour before he would panic. He began to sleep in her bed, terrified she would disappear in the middle of the night.

“He doesn’t want you to go anywhere.” Polly surmised one afternoon when Amelia could finally get the young boy to go down for a nap. “He remembers Tommy leaving so he doesn’t want you to leave either.”

Amelia felt so helpless. She couldn’t even comfort her own child because the world was in such chaos.

Polly had to stop her from reading the news or listening to the radio. She wrote to Tommy telling him to keep his letters to his wife light. She said Amelia couldn’t handle any bad news.

~~~~~~~~~~~

On Max’s sixth birthday, Amelia tried her best to keep everything together. She threw together a party. Polly closed the shop for the day and all their friends and family gathered. Well, the friends and family that were still there and not serving overseas.

Amelia bought toys for Max, some she signed ‘daddy’, just so her son felt like Tommy was near. He had already sent a letter wishing his son a happy birthday and wishing he could be there to celebrate. Max seemed sad his father couldn’t come to attend the party, but it wasn’t any different to any ordinary day. It had been over a year since the Shelby boys had left. Next March would mark two years.

On the morning of the party, Amelia found Max looking at a picture of Tommy in his uniform.

“You alright, love?” She asked softly. “Are you excited for your birthday?”

“Yeah.” He replied quietly, his mind off wandering.

“What are you doing with daddy’s picture?” She wondered.

“Dunno. Just looking.” He shrugged, not looking away. “Don’t wanna forget what he looks like.”

Amelia couldn’t shake that feeling of heartache the rest of the day. Even during the festivities and among familiar faces. She felt utterly alone.

After Max had opened all his gifts, everyone was sitting in the parlor enjoying each other’s company. Amelia felt distant, standing near the couch, half-listening to the conversations around her.

Then, she picked up on a conversation Charlie was having with one of the Strong men who had come to celebrate with them.

“Yeah, right on Farringdon. Those fuckers.” Charlie muttered. “Twenty-two people dead. Only a matter of time they set their sights on Birmingham.”

“For fuck’s sake.” The other man shook his head. “Thought this was a war among countries, not a war on the innocents. They wanna bomb each other, go ahead, but they can’t be fucking bombing regular people like us.”

Without having much access to the news under Polly’s advice, Amelia hadn’t heard of the bombings or attempted bombings on British soil. Suddenly, shock and panic overtook her entire body. It felt like her heart stopped completely and her vision went black.

Luckily, Charlie was able to catch the pregnant woman before she hit her head on the coffee table. The party ceased the fun and immediately rushed to Amelia’s aid. Polly shoved to the front and checked on her.

“Call a doctor!” She shouted when she saw Amelia’s pale face.

Max began to cry for his mum as Ada comforted her nephew best she could.

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ugly-crying-over-bucky-barnes · 3 years

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Roguish Women Part 46

Part 46: Right before the storm, there’s a calm.

“Easy…easy.” Tommy enveloped Kate into his arms. The second he had told her what happened, she had gone into a panic. “It’s going to be alright.”

Her knees buckled as she cried into his shoulder. “I told you! All that time ago, I told you! If John had just apologized. If you had made peace with the Changrettas none of this would’ve happened. I told you, Tommy, I told you.”

“What’s done is done.” He pulled up a chair for her in the kitchen and eased her into it. “But you can’t have a fit.”

Kate wiped her eyes on her sleeve and looked at him. She hiccuped as she studied his expression. “You’re lying to me about something.”

His brow creased slightly, an obvious tell that she was right. Maybe he had been hoping that the news would be so upsetting to her that she wouldn’t notice anything amiss.

“I don’t believe that anything could’ve happened. You had the entire place on lockdown, you were in on it with Alfie. You…” It dawned on her. “You knew they were going to come and kill him. You let them kill your own brother?” She shouted.

“No!” He grabbed her wrists before she could start getting some hits in. “No, he-” Tommy huffed. Leave it to his fiancée to unravel his plan in mere seconds. “He’s not dead.”

There was fire in Kate’s eyes. The second his grip loosened on her, she whacked him in the shoulder so hard he actually flinched. “So, you wanted everyone to mourn another one of your brothers?” She snapped. “You just love to toy with everyone’s emotions, don’t you, Thomas?”

“If you’d let me explain…”

“Y’know what I did tonight? I murdered Mickey. You’re down one less Italian thanks to me. But you’re behind the scenes playing everyone like fucking puppets while everyone else does your fucking dirty work!” She continued to rant.

“Oi!” He yelled over her. “If you’d let me fucking explain.”

Kate was fuming but didn’t say another word, allowing him to continue.

“We needed Luca to think Arthur was dead. You know the rules of a vendetta.”

“There are no fucking rules. You think Luca’s going to suddenly go back to New York because he thinks he killed John and Arthur? Tommy, he wants your empire, and the only way he’s going to get that if we’re all dead.” Kate reminded him sternly. “He doesn’t respect some rule of getting even.”

“He doesn’t. But his mother does.”

~~~~~~~~~~

“Shelby residence.”

“You really answer the phone that way, huh? Far as I’m concerned you ain’t a Shelby yet, love.”

Kate smiled when she heard Alfie’s voice on the other end of the line. The day had been a mess of emotions as they faked Arthur’s funeral and met with Audrey Changretta. The more time passed, the more anxious Kate became. The end was coming very quickly and she couldn’t predict how things were going to play out. “Did you arrive safely at Margate?” She asked.

“Yeah, well wouldn’t be calling you, now would I?”

She laughed softly. “I was just being polite.”

“Should be asking if all of you got out safely.”

“I assume you already know.”

“Yeah, right, well I do pride myself in having eyes and ears all ‘round the country. It’s a nice thing to have. Keeps me well informed in matters even if they ain’t none of my business.”

“And what have your ears been hearing?” She asked.

“The rest of Changretta’s men, including the man himself, stormed me bakery today. M’sure they were intending to take it as their own. Had a feeling they would.” Alfie replied.

“And?”

“Well, unfortunately, your fiancée’s trick of hiding grenades didn’t work out this time.”

Kate rolled her eyes. “Jesus, Alfie, you were willing to blow up that whole building out of spite?”

“If I can’t have it, no one can.” He retorted almost like a child. “Not that they would’ve done business well there anyway.” He mumbled to himself.

“Well, if they’re there, Alfie, then I’m guessing they took over the building whether you like it or not.”

“Right, but how long could they have control over it, aye? Just until ‘ol blue eyes comes in to end them all?”

A sly smile crossed Kate’s lips. “Alfie Solomons, is that faith in Tommy Shelby I hear?”

“Now hang on. This phone call weren’t meant to sing praise. Just stating some facts. ‘Sides, if it were me in his shoes those bastards would’ve been dead weeks ago.” He asserted.

“So, you were just calling to tell me about the bakery?”

“Partly. Also, when you run those rats out of the country, I would ask you to extend the bakery to Alice Diamond.”

Kate looked a little shocked. “Alice? I’m not sure I understand.”

“Y’know they’ve had hands in Camden Town for years without me permission. But I turned a blind eye because I am a very forgiving man and frankly, I would go to great lengths to avoid a meeting with that woman. If she wants to try her hand at baking, under your guidance, I think it might make a good fit. I’d rather have people I know take it over than some American fucks, you excluded.”

Kate smiled. “You’re being awfully generous for one day. Is there any other reason?”

Alfie cleared his throat. “I perhaps have to thank you and one of Alice’s she-devils for my current situation. Lillian, to be specific.”

“Oh…I see. You took my advice then.”

He took a deep breath as if it pained him to admit she was right. “I extended an invitation to Mabel to come visit me in Margate.”

“And she said yes, of course.”

“If ya wanted to talk to yourself, I might as well not have called, smug girl.” He retorted. “Don’t need you finishing me sentences like a fucking parrot.”

Kate stifled a giggle. “Well, I’m very happy for you. Truly, Alfie, I am.”

“Right…” He didn’t seem to know how to respond.

“And maybe one day soon I’ll come visit you and Mabel.”

“She’s just visiting don’t get…” He groaned knowing he wasn’t going to win. “I suppose that’ll be alright. Although I’m not quite open to the idea of Tommy coming too. Lethe, right, it’s a very peaceful place and he’d just fuck that up, wouldn’t he?”

“Lethe, am I supposed to know what that is?” She asked.

“It’s what I’ve called the home I’ve bought. I’m not about to explain the intricate workings of Greek mythology to you.”

“I see.” Kate turned when she heard the door open and Tommy came in. “Well, suppose we bring along the children, would that negate Tommy’s presence?”

Her fiancée rolled his eyes knowing exactly who was on the other end of the line.

“I’d consider it,” Alfie replied.

“Glad to hear it. But I’ll have to go now, Alfie, it was nice talking to you and say hello to Mabel for me when she arrives.” The two friends exchanged goodbyes before Kate hung up the phone.

“So now you and Alfie gossip over the phone?” Tommy asked, taking off his cap and coat.

“Well, he called to tell me Luca and his men took over the bakery. At least for the time being.” She reported. “And also, that I was right.”

“Yeah? Right about what?” The news about the bakery didn’t particularly bother him. Who cares if Luca had a warehouse full of rum? His days were numbered anyway.

Kate followed him into the parlor. “Right about the fact that I could find someone for him. I did.”

Tommy raised an eyebrow in surprise. “Then I’m glad I didn’t let you bet anything on it.” He sat down and patted his thigh.

She smiled and eagerly curled up on his lap. “You still would get me something for being right.” She murmured and kissed down his jaw.

“What do you want, then?”

“Hm…” She thought to herself for a bit. “How about a nice wedding to the man I love?”

Tommy chuckled. “You’re already getting that.” He reminded her. “Just have to be patient.

“Then that’s all I want.” She rested her cheek on his shoulder.

“Was worried you were going to ask for a summer home in Margate so you and Alfie could be neighbors and torment me.”

She laughed softly. “I’m not that cruel.” With a heavy sigh, she returned to the real problem at hand. “Who were you going to the office to call?” She asked.

Tommy was quiet for a moment. “I don’t think you’ll like the answer.” He admitted.

Kate lifted her head to look at him. “Tom…who was it?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was a long argument while Polly and Tommy were gathering paperwork. Tommy was ready to ship Kate out to Margate to be as far away from the action as possible. He was confident enough in the plan, but if there was even a slim chance of Kate getting hurt, he wasn’t going to risk it.

But she wasn’t having it. “So, I’m supposed to sit by the phone to wait and hear if he’s killed you or not?” Kate snapped.

It was an already tense enough scene organizing the papers for the company. Polly was there as a fly on the wall for most of it, silently signing papers and glancing back and forth between the two arguing.

“What choice do I have, aye?” Tommy, who was under a considerable amount of stress, was not about to lose this battle. “You’re the perfect target for him, Kate. I told you time and time again that I won’t have you dealing with any of this because you’re pregnant. Yet time and time again, you’ve stuck yourself in. This is the final stand and I won’t have you there. You aren’t changing my mind.”

“You’re not the one who decides where I go, Thomas.”

“Why do you feel the need to put yourself in unnecessary danger?” He asked exasperated that she was still pushing the matter.

“Because I’m a part of this family and I will stand with this family.” She crossed her arms over her chest.

“You’d be willing to put the lives of our children at risk because you want to prove some fucking point?” He demanded.

Kate’s resolve faltered. Her stomach was in knots, it had been for days. “Tom, if something happens to you and I’m not there…” Her voice trembled.

Polly finally had to step in. She touched Kate’s arm gently. “Darling, nothing is going to happen. We’ll be alright.”

“Then there’s no reason for me not to be there.” She asserted.

Tommy exhaled sharply and forcefully stubbed his cigarette into the ashtray mixed within the sea of paperwork on his desk. “What would I do, aye, if something happened to you? I’ve risked enough.”

“But if it’s just Luca against all of us then how could you think that anything could go wrong?”

“Because I’m not letting that chance happen. Now go home, I’m done fighting about this with you. The answer is no.” He spoke firmly, pointing to the door.

Kate’s jaw tightened but she decided to turn on her heel and storm out instead of arguing further.

When the office doors slammed shut, Polly looked up to her nephew. “She’s worried about you, that’s all.”

“She should be worried about being pregnant.” He grumbled.

“It will go as planned. And if it doesn’t, then who is Luca going to aim for first?” Polly reasoned with him.

Tommy sighed and rested his hands on his desk. “I can’t fucking believe you’re siding with her.”

“I’m not. I just know she’s going to show up there no matter what you say. So, you might as well put her into the plan or you’ll be caught off guard tomorrow.”

Tommy looked angry that she was right. He couldn’t physically drag Kate into a car and send her off to Alfie’s beach house. “For fuck’s sake.” He muttered.

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ugly-crying-over-bucky-barnes · 4 years

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Roguish Women Part 42

Part 42: Tommy needs Kate’s assistance to find out where Alfie stands during the vendetta

“Kate.” A few days later, Tommy tried to wake up his fiancée.

“Mm, what?” She groaned, still half asleep.

“Time to get up.” He went back to getting dressed.

Kate rolled over in the small bed and grabbed his watch off the night table. She scoffed at the time. “Might be time for you to get up, Thomas, but you’ll never find me awake at this godforsaken hour.” She replied, hellbent on staying in bed. “Polly says I need rest.”

“I need your help with something,” Tommy answered and walked back over to the bed after he finished buttoning his shirt.

“Help with what?” She yawned, pulling the quilt back over herself.

“I’ll tell you when you get up.”

“Ha, think I’d fall for that trick.” She reached up to grab his shirt collar and pulled him towards her.

Tommy wasn’t exactly weak, but when it came to Kate showing him affection, he could cave in pretty easily. Maybe it was because they had gone years knowing each other, but never being able to show their genuine feelings. Now, no matter how long they’d been together, every touch felt like a gift. He knew what it was like to be without her, and that was basically hell for him. So, to have her in his arms, showering him with affection? Well, there weren’t many things that could pull him away.

Kate successfully got him back into bed, which may or may not have been her intention all along. She straddled his waist and kissed his neck, reveling in the small noises he made for her and the way his fingers dug into her hips.

“I bet you wish you could do this every morning. Start your day off with a good fuck.” She murmured against his collarbone. “Shame you wake up so early. If you slept in a little, maybe we could make this more of a regular thing.” Her hands traveled down to his trousers.

He chuckled deeply and kissed her. No one else had such an intoxicating presence. Within moments he completely forgot why they were even having the conversation, to begin with.

Then, a loud car horn from outside interrupted their little early morning fun. And everything came back to Tommy.

“Fuck.” He sighed. “That’ll be Alfie, then.”

Kate looked disappointed but relented. Alfie was the last person to wait patiently for anything. “Alright, give me a minute to be dressed, I’ll be out in a moment.” She rolled off Tommy and stood up to go to the dresser.

Tommy righted himself, making sure he didn’t appear disheveled, and grabbed his coat off the chair. As he left, he paused, getting a good look of Kate as she slipped off her nightgown.

Another horn from outside, a bit longer this time, traveled in through the window. “For fuck’s sake.” He muttered Why couldn’t he have told Alfie to come later?

Kate felt his eyes on her. “He’ll only keep going, you better get down there.” She replied.

Tommy grumbled a few expletives before shutting the bedroom door. When he hit the stairs, the car horn sounded again, but it seemed unending. He trotted down the stairs and went out the front door.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Outside, he found Alfie pressing the horn relentlessly, with his pocket watch out. He didn’t give up until Tommy was across the street and right in front of him.

“Morning, Alfie.”

“You know, Tommy mate, if you need an extra hour to get dressed up to look like a prick, then you ought to schedule that in. Bit rude to be late, innit?” Alfie glanced over Tommy’s shoulder. “Where’s your other half then, aye? Said she’d be here. Since you lot have imprisoned yourselves, I’ve had to handle all of her responsibilities with shipments.”

“She’ll be down in a moment. I’m sure she wishes she could go back to London.” He replied as diplomatically as he could. That’s when he noticed the large young man standing a few feet behind Alfie. “This must be Goliath.”

“Yeah, mate. So, have we got a match set up, or what? Y’know coming all the way out here because of a possibility really ain’t something I usually do. S’a gesture of friendship, innit?” Alfie placed a hand over his chest. “That I’d be willing to come to fucking Small Heath, which apparently is hell on Earth if I’ve ever seen it, risk being shot by fucking Italians, all to be nice.”

Tommy was about to make a glib comment but was interrupted by Kate coming outside. “Was that you making all that noise, Alfie?” She smiled.

“Your fiancée, right, can’t keep his appointments well, love. It’s all about being punctual.” Alfie replied though he seemed to be happy to see her.

“It was my fault, I kept him.”

“Shall we then?” Tommy stepped in before Alfie could make a brash comment about what Kate was doing to hold him up.

~~~~~~~~~~

Kate hadn’t yet seen the gin being distilled in the basement of one of the properties Tommy owned on Watery Lane. She had meant to after he told her why he was asking Alfie over telegram about the liquor. Like everything Tommy did, it was no small operation.

While he and Alfie talked, Kate made herself at home taking a seat at the table toward the back of the basement. She uncorked one of the bottles to smell it.

“Now we ain’t here to talk ‘bout sides or any of that nonsense.” Alfie made his way over to the table alongside Tommy. “What good will that do, aye? I’m on me own side, right? I don’t fuck about with all this labeling and such.”

“You know he needs to know that you won’t betray us, Alfie,” Kate spoke up. “You know how vendettas work. It’s never just about two sides.”

“Well, that’s the question, ain’t it? But what kind of world is it to raise your children when your own mate can ask that sort of question. Hm?” Alfie tutted.

“I think we’ll do alright.”

Tommy cleared his throat. There was no need for speculating over Kate’s pregnancy. Alfie was perceptive enough to pick up on subtle hints. “You’re not allied with the Italians.”

“Fuck no.”

“You have ties to the Forty Elephants who are very close to us as well. I would say that lumps you in with our side, Alfie.”

“Well, that is just a foolish thing to assume.” Alfie took a bottle of gin off the table. He inspected the label as he spoke. “I know who I should or shouldn’t bother with. The Forty Elephants, they’re-well fuck you know them well enough-but they’re like fucking demons they are. Cut a man’s balls off just for looking at them. Would I rather be on their good side? ‘Course, makes me life a lot fucking easier. But I ain’t looking out for their best interest if it conflicts with my best interest.”

“Oh, come on, you’re not that cold.” Kate protested. She was wondering if the vendetta had pushed the Camden Town man back a bit. Of course, he always looked out to preserve himself. That hadn’t changed. But Kate knew that he could be fond of people and wanted to help them from time to time. Maybe he was worried that during a vendetta, being kind could be misconstrued as weakness.

“We’re all selfish creatures, sweetheart. It’s just a matter of survival in this day and age.” He glanced around the room. “Besides, I don’t see the Forty Elephants here. So, what kind of allies are they really?”

“They’re carrying out business for us in London,” Kate replied, instantly coming to the defense of the women she considered good friends.

“And we have a kestrel,” Tommy added.

“Yeah? What’d you reckon, Kate?” Alfie turned back to her. “You’ve known him longer than I have. What made him change?”

“Change?” She frowned. “What do you mean?”

“When I first heard about Tommy Shelby, right, big bad man who killed Billy Kimber, I assumed he was the kind of man who did his own dirty work.” A coy smile played on Alfie’s lips. There was nothing he loved more than to make fun of Tommy. He didn’t get to do it enough those days. “Now he’s sending out contract killings like some sort of aristocrat. Can’t be arsed to get his hands bloody.”

“I don’t think aristocrats hire contract killers, Alfie.” Kate wasn’t really planning on indulging him by teasing Tommy.

“Don’t be naïve, love.”

“Time’s are tough.” Tommy shrugged. “I have a family to protect and I can’t protect them if I’m dead.”

“Well, I suppose that’s the difference between bachelors and the betrothed, innit?” Alfie lightened up a little, apparently satisfied that he’d poked enough fun. “When is the wedding then, aye?”

“Sometime when we’re not being hunted like sport, Alfie,” Kate replied.

“Well, I better be invited. Figure I earned that invitation a long time ago.” Alfie muttered and set the gin down.

Tommy and Kate shared a small smile. She leaned back in the rickety chair and gave her friend a playful smile. “I’ll give you a plus one to the wedding if you want to bring someone along.”

Alfie’s brow furrowed heavily over his blue eyes. “Who the hell would I bring, Ollie? You could try but I don’t think his wife would take too kindly to the idea. If that boy ever has a day off, she insists he spends it at home taking care of their heap of kids. Which, ain’t a day off in me opinion. I swear that lad has a new kid every time I turn ‘round. Can’t fucking keep track of them. I go over for Sabbath and I’m tackled by like thirty kids. Don’t know where the hell they come from.”

Kate stifled a laugh. “Alfie, I’m talking about a date! A nice woman, not your poor assistant.”

Alfie paused, apparently the idea had never crossed his mind. “Oh, dear, I don’t think you could find a good Jewish woman who would ever want to put up with me.” He replied.

“Don’t challenge her,” Tommy warned. “If you tell her she can’t do something, she’s going to go out and do it.”

“Tell ya what then. If all you Shelbys make it out of this alive, I’ll let Kate do whatever she pleases.”

Kate looked very pleased with herself as she stood up. “Then I have my work cut out for me.”

“You certainly do,” Tommy mumbled under his breath.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Tommy and Kate settled in for another night spent in Tommy’s old bedroom. There weren’t many remnants of his days as a teenager. A dirt poor, hand-me-down-wearing, rebellious young man who loved horses more than anything and had bright dreams. There were a few nicks in the wall or cracks in the ceiling that had been there as long as he could remember. There was a cross on the wall. Tommy couldn’t remember who put it there. Most likely it was Polly, but it might have even been his mother.

Tommy didn’t have the heart to remove it, even if he was doubtful of God’s existence.

In his desk, he had a few old letters, mostly from Greta Jurossi or cousins who were on the road. Mixed among the letters were some of Arthur’s old sketches of horses they once had. When he flipped through them, Tommy could name the horse his brother had drawn. The details were so precise.

“What was that about, aye?” Tommy wondered as Kate began to undress to take a bath. The water was already steaming in the old bathtub.

“What was what about?” She asked, pulling her hair up in a top bun.

“With Alfie. You really think that man could ever have a normal relationship?” Tommy sat down at the desk, pulling his bracers off his shoulders to let them hang loosely by his hips.

“Plenty of people would say the same thing about you.” She replied, stepping into the bath. “And yet here I am.”

Tommy chuckled. Seeing her concerned about something as superfluous as Alfie’s love life. He lit up a cigarette and shook his head.

“You don’t think there’s someone out there for him? There’s someone out there for everyone.” She argued, sinking into the warm water.

“Hm.” He didn’t agree but he didn’t disagree either. He stood up and pulled up his chair to the edge of the tub.

“You don’t believe me.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“Thomas Shelby, I can read you better than anyone. You don’t need to say anything to me, I already know what you’re thinking.” She replied confidently. “And you cannot argue that.”

He smiled. Only she could lure his mind away from the worrying thoughts of threats to his family. Only she could convince him that everything could be alright even just for one night. Only she could quiet his mind so well. “What am I thinking now, then?” He asked coyly.

“How you wish I would get out of this tub and into your bed.” She replied. “So that you can finish what I started this morning.”

“Aye? Making me late this morning, that’s what you did.”

She giggled and grabbed his shirt to pull him closer. Water bled into the starchy fabric of his shirt cuff. Tommy felt like he was melting as he kissed her. The steamy warmth from the bath radiated from her skin. It felt like she was cleansing his entire being.

“But I’m going to take my time in here.” She murmured against his lips. “So, you could wait, or just get in with me.”

It was a game and Tommy knew that. Kate was banking on his tendency to be impatient when it came to her. He had wasted so much time without her. So, he groaned as if he was inconvenienced and stood up to start stripping off his clothing.

Kate leaned forward so he could sink into the bath behind her. When she leaned back against his chest, she sighed. “That’s more like it.”

He chuckled. “Always gets what she wants, aye?” He wrapped his arms around her waist.

She only hummed in agreement, letting her eyes slip close. Her fingers entwined with his and she rested his palm flat against her stomach. “Think there’s a difference? I haven’t been able to tell.”

Tommy knew Kate’s body better than anyone, maybe even herself. Perhaps he was just imagining things, but he swore he could feel a slight swell of her abdomen. “Yeah, I’ve noticed.”

“You think?” She beamed. He looked at her with such fondness in his eyes that her cheeks flushed. “They’re lucky to have you as their dad.”

Tommy paused for a long while, dissecting what she was telling him in a cryptic fashion. “They?”

Kate watched his expression change from confusion, to realization, to shock. She giggled softly. “Polly said it’ll be twins.”

For a moment, he just stared at her. He wasn’t sure there had ever been an instance of twins in his family, at least not in a few generations. One baby was one thing, but two? He let out a nervous laugh. “Fuck, well you’ve never done anything half-way have you? ‘Course the first time you get pregnant it’s twins.” He teased. “Surprised it’s not triplets.”

She grinned. “Well, I wasn’t planning on having more than one at once, you know. Remember I passed out when Ada was giving birth? Now I’ve got to do it myself and I have to do it twice over.”

Tommy couldn’t stop smiling. Twins were no easy task, he could imagine. But there was nothing else he could be but happy

“You’ll be alright.” He promised. “You’re the strongest person I’ve ever met.”

She kissed him softly. “You’re sweet.”

“Did Pol say what the genders were?”

“Two boys.”

Tommy closed his eyes and let out a little laugh. “Christ. Two more Shelby boys. I’m surprised Polly didn’t up and leave when she told you. She barely survived us growing up.”

“She was very happy,” Kate informed him. “Besides, they’ll be my sons too. At least half the time they’ll be well behaved.”

“Love, you’ve never been well behaved a day in your life.”

There was no arguing that. “They may be terrors but they’ll be lovely. They’ll be beautiful, I know they will. With your blue eyes and maybe your hair.”

“What if they’re identical?” Tommy circled his thumb around her hip bone as the water began to become cooler. “Won’t be able to tell ‘em apart.”

“I’m sure we will. At least I will. Mother’s intuition, right?”

He laughed and stood up to grab Kate’s towel. He offered her a hand to help her up and into the warm embrace of a towel that had been heating up by the fire. “I guess we can only hope so.” It was nice to share such a moment with her. Especially since the next day, he was planning to go to war.

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ugly-crying-over-bucky-barnes · 3 years

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Roguish Women Part 45

Part 45: The night of the boxing match, everything is not what it seems.

Alfie was sitting on one of the benches in the back of the venue. He was wearing a wide-brimmed hat and had both hands resting atop his cane. He didn’t appear to acknowledge Kate when she walked in, but then he addressed Tommy behind her.

“Tommy, mate, you mind if I talk to her alone?” He requested.

Kate wasn’t sure she’d ever heard Alfie be so polite toward Tommy without at least adding in a smart comment or simpering look. It gave the atmosphere a strange feeling.

Tommy hesitated but she gave him a reassuring look. He nodded and left them. Kate went to sit across from Alfie. “Something’s different with you.” She remarked right away.

Alfie lifted his head to look at her. There certainly was something off with his demeanor. He seemed less intimidating, yet he wasn’t relaxed. Perhaps he was lost in thought. “Everything’s upside down, innit?”

“Tell me about it.” She sighed.

“I weren’t going to tell Tommy yet, but I think I can trust you. We’ve got a mutual trust, yeah?”

“Of course.”

Alfie nodded, clearly thinking to himself. For the first time in Kate’s experience, he appeared tired. The man has always seemed full of life, not matter what mood he was in. “Been to the doctor. Said I’ve got skin cancer. Must’ve picked it up from the war, the gases and such.”

“Oh.” Kate’s heart fell. “Alfie, I’m sorry-”

“No need for sympathy.” He waved her off. “Just wanted you to know why I’m retiring.”

“Retiring.” She looked surprised and could hardly wrap her mind around the word. Like most of the world, she assumed that nothing could unseat Alfie from his pedestal in life. He would be the last one standing.

Yet, the world really was upside down.

“What are you going to do?” Kate asked.

“Margate, have you ever been?” He wondered.

She shook her head. “No. But you’ll go live out there on your own?” Her brow wrinkled in worry. After spending a lot of time with Alfie, she knew that his mind could be a powerful weapon. She just didn’t know what would happen when he would let himself go out to pasture.

He chuckled. “Love, I’ve been on me own for a very long time.”

“I was too.” She reminded him. “I was on my own for most of my life. And was I hesitant when I found Tommy? Of course, I assumed that love was just not in the cards for me. That this was just some punishment that I would only have feelings for him from afar.”

“Hm.” He grunted, clearly listening but not too convinced.

“I was out talking to Alice and some of her women. I met Lillian’s sister, Mabel.”

The name instantly caused a reaction in Alfie. His blue eyes looked up at her to see if she was sincere. His eyebrows lifted in surprise. He straightened up a little. Clearly, this woman had made an impact on him at least once or twice.

“You know who I’m talking about, right?” Kate asked, feigning innocence. As if she hadn’t picked up on his body language.

“Erm, yeah.” He admitted. “We grew up together. There were times when I thought…”

“That maybe things could work between you two?” There was no need to tease him or throw in his face that she had been right. After all, he had listened to her all that time ago when she lamented about her feelings for Tommy. He was frank with her and didn’t poke fun at her expense.

He sighed and ran a hand over his beard. “I don’t matter anymore.” He said curtly. “I don’t even know how long I’ll fucking last at this point. It would be cruel to string her along only to end up six feet under. Then she’s gotta pick up the pieces. Ain’t that heartless.” He mumbled.

Kate crossed her arms over her chest. “So, you’re just going to go to Margate, sit around, and wait to die?”

His eyes left her face. “Don’t know what to tell ya.”

“Just spend time with her.” Kate urged. “There’s no expectations. But companionship eases pain. I consider you to be a good friend, Alfie. And I would never forgive myself if you died alone and miserable.”

He smiled humorlessly. “Don’t think that’s a fitting punishment for me?”

“No.”

He chuckled. “That’s why I’ve always liked you. See the world differently, always have.”

“So, you’ll listen to me, then?

“Perhaps.” He grunted as he stood. “But not now. I’m gonna make myself scarce. This place, right, is about to get very messy and I don’t want any part of it.”

Her smile faded. “What do you-”

Tommy stepped into the room. “Kate, ready?”

“Okay, let me just…” But Alfie was already on his way out.

“C’mon.” Tommy ushered her out of the room as well. “Time to get going.”

“Yeah, I’ll find my way back to the seats.”

“No, there’s a car waiting out back. It’ll take you home.” He clarified with a hardened look on his face.

“Home? The fight’s barely even started.” She protested. “I was planning on having a nice time with the girls tonight whether you were going to conduct business or not.”

“The plan was to have you seen going into the fight.” He replied, leading her further back into the venue, away from the cheering crowds. “But I don’t want you anywhere near this place.”

“Tom, you know something’s going to happen, don’t you?”

“I’m not sure.” He mumbled. “I just want you to be safe if something does.”

The two stopped by a back door. “If something’s going to happen then…”

“My priority is keeping you safe.” He touched her cheek and kissed her forehead. “Keeping our children safe. So please don’t fight me. Once this is all over, you and the ladies can have a night out together. Something better than a fight like this.”

Kate sighed softly and nodded. “Alright, but only because you said please.” She kissed his cheek and let him lead her outside.

There was a car waiting with two of the Peaky boys. The driver stepped out to open the door for Kate. “Mr. Shelby, Miss Lynch.” He greeted politely.

“Take her straight home, make sure she’s inside before you leave,” Tommy ordered, helping Kate into the car.

“Yes, sir.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It wasn’t a long drive back to Watery Lane. Kate was a bit lost in her thoughts. On the surface, she was upset she wouldn’t get to watch the fight with Alice and the others. Deeper down she was worried about Alfie and his cancer. She was so caught up in her thoughts that she didn’t notice when the driver pulled up to the flat. One of the boys had gotten out to open her door. “Thank-” Kate’s sentence was cut short by two gunshots. The young man’s hand dropped and he fell backward to the pavement. The driver got out of the car to return fire but was quickly gunned down.

Kate panicked and reached for the pistol strapped to her thigh. Ducking down, she tried to figure out where the gunfire had come from. The door was only feet away, if only she could run and unlock it within seconds. Then maybe she’d be safe. But that was too risky.

The street went quiet again and all Kate could hear was her heart pounding in her chest. In the distance, a couple of people yelled out to one another. She prayed it was some of Tommy’s men, coming quickly to her aid. But she also knew that a lot of his forces were watching the boxing match.

“Katie.” A voice called out from a little way down the street.

Her eyes screwed shut. She should’ve fought harder to stay at the match. Or at least she should’ve had a few other men come with her for protection. Maybe even Tommy or Alfie.

But now she was huddled down in the car, waiting for the Mickey to get there.

“Come out of the car and face me. You were so tough before, weren’t ya?” There was a pause then, Mickey shot the mirror off the side of the car.

Kate was shaking but she knew she was a sitting duck either way. So, she cautiously stepped out of the car, her hand wrapped around her pistol.

Mickey laughed. “You’re going to shoot me then?” He asked. “When you don’t even know how many men I have with me? When you don’t know what I have to offer you?”

She let her finger rest on the trigger. “I think you’re alone. Luca has men at the match. His numbers are already low. Why would he waste any more manpower on me?”

“Because he knows I’m not here for the Shelbys. Sure, they’re better dead to me.” He shrugged and tucked his pistol back into his holster. “But you, I’ve got a score to settle with you.” His eyes darkened.

“I know why you’re here.” She shook her head, not letting her gun move an inch from his face. “You’re trying to get me to turn on Tommy.”

“You had so much more in Boston. You had a whole empire at your disposal. Anything you wanted; Santo would’ve given you. But you just couldn’t accept a good thing, could you?” Mickey began to circle around her. But Kate wouldn’t let him in her blind spot. “Now look where that gypsy has gotten you now? This shithole? I guess it’s fitting. You belong in a place like this. I just thought you always wanted something more. Wasn’t that why you went after Chicago? Tried to get their market? And who put them in line for you? Who evened the score when you weren’t even planning on repaying him?”

Kate didn’t answer.

“You could never be grateful. I told that to Luca but he didn’t seem to care. Still wanted me to extend a kind hand to you.” Mickey clicked his tongue in disapproval. “So, this is your last lifeline. This is why you aren’t going to shoot me. Because you know I have a good deal for you. And you know that I know you’ve been waiting for this. Because you’re damn good at double-crossing people. So, it’s about time you’ve betrayed them.” He stopped moving and stood right in front of her. “The Shelbys are already dead in the water after tonight. Either we hunt you down with them, or we give you a way out.”

Kate pulled the trigger, sending a bullet right between his eyes. As Mickey fell, she stood over him. “There’s your way out.” She spat.

“Drop the weapons! You’re surrounded!” Someone called from further down the street.

Kate recognized the voice from one of the boys who worked at the betting shop. “It’s alright, it’s Kate.” She yelled back.

“Oh, Miss Lynch.” He came jogging up to her with three more men at his flank. “We heard gunshots, is everything alright? Are you hurt?”

“It was one of the Italians.” She pointed her gun at Mickey on the ground. “He ambushed us but I got him. There are two others dead.”

“There could be others nearby.” One of the others piped up.

“Right, Miss Lynch, you should get inside just to be safe. We’ll take care of it.”

Kate felt oddly at ease. Maybe because she knew Mickey had been after her ever since they figured out, she had killed Santo. Now, that part of her life was put behind her. If the North End Italians knew what was best for them, they’d leave her alone. After all, she had killed both of their leaders in a matter of a couple of years.

Returning her pistol to her holster, she entered the flat and locked the door behind her. She decided it was useless to try and get a hold of Tommy. There was far too much going on there, a lot of it, Kate didn’t even know. Mickey seemed to think Luca would get the upper hand. But they didn’t know that Alfie was on their side.

So she put on the kettle and hoped everyone would make it home okay.

She was too nervous to fall asleep even though the night wore on without any word from Tommy or anyone else for that matter. She sat up in the parlor, waiting for headlights to pass by the window, alerting her that Tommy was home.

She could explain that she had gotten rid of another Italian, knocking Luca’s list down another man. She got a hopeful feeling that maybe after the boxing match, they would have the upper hand. It could only be a matter of days before they were all free again.

But when the headlights stopped in front of the home, there was only bad news coming through the door.

“Arthur’s dead.”

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ugly-crying-over-bucky-barnes · 3 years

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Roguish Women Part 47

Part 47: The final bullet in the vendetta.

Kate woke up to find the bed empty beside her. It was early, she’d been anxious to be on time. She knew Tommy wouldn’t wake her up in hopes that she would sleep through the planned event.

But she was up and dressed before she usually was. The flat was just as empty as the bed. Kate slipped on her coat and went down the street to the distillery. Several of the men on watch tipped their cap her way.

Finn was waiting for her at the top of the stairs. He looked conflicted when she approached. “Tommy said not to let you come.” He stood between her and the stairs.

Kate narrowed her eyes at him. “Well, that’s not his choice to make, now, is it?”

“The youngest Shelby didn’t look like he wanted to get caught up in the argument, but also didn’t want to catch flak from his brother. “It’d just be easier…”

“We’re not living in easy times.” She interrupted. “I’ve heard Tommy’s side and I’ve made up my mind.” She concluded before pushing past Finn and making her way downstairs.

Only Tommy was there, standing near a table with two chairs. He held a bottle of gin in his hand.

“You never explained the label to me,” Kate spoke up to alert him of her presence.

He turned although he didn’t seem too surprised that she had shown up. “What needs explaining?”

She walked up to him and took the bottle from his hand. “Distilled for the eradication of seemingly incurable sadness.” She read off, having noticed it earlier when they were talking to Alfie.

“Polly said that when you were in America, I nearly drank meself to death.” He answered calmly. “That and with the morphine, it was the only way I could tolerate being without you. I could sleep, I could ease myself of the guilt, and I could forget. But I’d much rather have you here.” He cradled her cheek in his hand. “So, go back home and wait for me.”

“I’ll be right here. For the rest of your life, I’ll be here.” She kissed him softly, refusing to go anywhere.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kate hadn’t seen Luca Changretta in years. His name had been haunting her for so long that she nearly forgot how long it’d been since they’d been face to face. He’d grown into a menacing figure, something she always knew he would be. The kind of fierce stature he was destined to become under the guidance of some of the most ruthless dons America had ever seen.

Luca’s eyes landed on her as he stopped in front of her, Polly, Tommy, and Finn. But he didn’t speak to her. Instead, he beckoned one of his men to bring over a handful of documents, spread across the table.

“I’ve had my lawyers draw up these. Documents for everything you own. And you’re gonna sign them all over to my family. Or you’re gonna die.” Standing in front of Tommy, Luca looked back to Kate. “I would’ve buried your whole family. Y’know, my mother knows you.” Luca said steadily. “She told me how to hurt you. How to really make you suffer. ‘Take everything from him, then make him watch Kathleen Lynch die.”

Tommy didn’t flinch. He simply maintained eye contact with the man. Kate didn’t budge either.

“Because she’s worse than you are, in some ways.” Luca continued. “She murdered two people who were loyal to me and my family. Killed them in cold blood for no reason. You and I, we kill to gain something, don’t we? But her? She just doesn’t care, does she? I’ve got the Leoni family asking me to right her wrongs. Take care of her so she doesn’t do any more harm. So, I will. And you’ll watch and live with the knowledge that you were her downfall.”

Polly shifted a bit so she was standing more in front of Kate. But neither of them said a word in response.

“Search them,” Luca commanded after finding a gun in Tommy’s coat. “The dead girl walking has a gun on her thigh.” He added, sending a glare towards Kate.

None of them said anything as they were patted down. Kate reached down and pulled the gun from her holster on her thigh, handing it over.

Luca began pushing each document onto the floor. “So, get down on your knees and sign those papers. I’ll even let you say goodbye to her if you’re quick about it.” He gestured for one of his men with a heavy-looking gun over. The executioner in place, as it were.

Tommy’s eyes flicked to Polly then Kate before he sank to the floor. “A friend once told me that big fucks small. So, I had to find someone bigger than you.”

“You’re too trusting to leave your empire behind to boys, Luca,” Kate spoke up on cue. “Who’s making sure the Spinetta’s don’t decide to take what’s yours? You may work for them but they have no loyalty to you. Your family is all but wiped out. Your allies in Boston are dead because of me. I’ve gotten word from Frank Wallace that the Gustin Gang has already seized half of the territory Santo Leoni used to own. They’re loyal to us and they could very well take all of it within the next year. And you know how much Frank just loves to hate you. You’ll never make a profit in that city again. After that you’ll lose New York too.”

“And there’s a man in Chicago who’s willing to take over your business in New York as well,” Polly added.

Kate couldn’t help the small smirk on her face. Vengeance really was sweet. “Now who do we know in Chicago that’s bigger than you’ll ever be?”

Luca seemed like he was starting to grasp the ploy that had been made in front of him. The smugness was starting to fade from his eyes.

“Alphonse Capone.” Tommy finished for her.

“You’re talking to that fat fuck?” He hissed and looked to Kate. “That man killed your fucking mother and you’re working with him?”

“The fact that you know that proves to me you were the one who told the Outfit where my mother lived. You were the final nail in her coffin.” She wasn’t as good at containing her anger like Tommy and Polly. “You used him to kill my mother and to get me out of your hair. Now I’m going to use him to kill you.”

“All your blood relatives you brought here are dead. The only ones left are the ones who will take the highest bid.” Tommy concluded

Luca turned to his men. The shock slowing down his movements.

“Loyalty is so fickle, isn’t it?” Kate said with venom in her voice.

Luca turned back to Tommy and reached for his coat.

“Tommy!” Kate shrieked.

He reacted fast, knocking the pistol out of Luca’s hand. Polly had to pull Kate away from the men brawling. She felt helpless, watching Tommy finally get the upper hand and slam Luca’s face into the gin bottles on the table.

She was so caught in the action that she didn’t see the door open until Arthur was well in her line of vision, holding up a gun.

The bullet went through Luca’s head and into the vat behind him. The final crescendo.

~~~~~~~~~~

Kate was almost bouncing out of her skin to get out of Birmingham. She was all smiles as they arrived at Arrow House. The large manor was such a sight to behold even at dusk when they pulled up the gravel drive.

“Some fresh air, aye?” Tommy smiled as he helped Kate out of the car.

“I can’t wait to see Blue tomorrow. I hope he hasn’t forgotten me.”

“Horses have very good memories.” He assured her, linking arms with her as they walked back into the home they’d missed. “I’m sure he’ll be just as glad to see you.”

“I’m going to get ready; they’ll be here soon.” On top of being back in Warwickshire and spending a nice evening with friends and family, they were finally able to tell everyone the news of Kate’s pregnancy. With the vendetta behind them, it seemed there was nothing but the open sky ahead of them. Even if it was naïve to think it would be smooth sailing from then on, Kate still wanted to believe that it would.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tommy called for everyone’s attention as they drank and laughed in the parlor later on that night. He stood with Kate sitting nearby.

“Listen up, before we go and eat, I’d like to say a few words. Last time we were all here, it ended badly. But now we’re in a happier place, something I think we all deserve. Last time, Kate wasn’t with us. But she’s here now and that’s something I’m very grateful for.”

“I think that’s something we’re all grateful for.” Arthur chimed in loudly. “Keeps you in line.”

Kate laughed. “I try my best.”

“That she does.” Tommy looked fondly at her. “Other happy news, we’ll be having a wedding as soon as we can plan it. And we’ll be expecting a new arrival, maybe two if Pol’s right. Which, we all know she is when it comes to these things. In other words, Kate is expecting twins.”

There was a murmur of surprise but Ada looked thrilled as she crossed the room to hug her. “I should’ve known. How couldn’t I have known?”

“Twins, aye?” Arthur shook his head with a grin. “And what’ll they be, Polly? Boys or girls or both?”

“Two boys,” Polly reported. “God bless us all.”

Kate smiled and stood up to kiss Tommy’s cheek. What a happy occasion.

“Then, that gives me even more of an argument for what m’about to say.” Arthur stood up with his whiskey glass in hand. “Our enemies are gone. And for the first time since we enlisted in the yeomanry. The Shelby boys, me, Tommy, and John.” He paused briefly, sadness in his eyes for their fallen brother. “For the first time, there’s peace. Since you’ve got little ones on the way, you need some free time. So, I propose, from everyone in the company, that Tommy should take a holiday. War’s over. It’s time you’ve rested.”

Kate nodded and squeezed Tommy’s hand.

“To peace.” Arthur finished his toast, giving his brother an earnest look. But Tommy’s eyes were distant. There was something that wasn’t done with.

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ugly-crying-over-bucky-barnes · 3 years

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Roguish Women Part 44

Part 44: Kate feels uneasy about the match but Tommy does his best to put her worries to rest. Even though it’s valid worries.

“Well, you can put your trust into Alfie,” Kate said as she stepped off the boat.

Tommy took her hand to help her down. “I think you put too much trust into him. But I’m glad you think he’ll see us through this.”

“When Luca showed up, he hid me.”

Tommy’s face changed noticeably. He thought for certain that he had timed everything correctly. That his aunt had nothing to worry about because Kate would come back completely unharmed and not even close to where Luca was. Well, she looked unharmed but it drove a knife into Tommy’s stomach knowing she was that close to their enemy.

Kate noticed his look. “It’s okay.” She said gently. “I know you didn’t plan this and we should just be grateful that nothing happened. Alfie stepped up and made sure I was safe. That’s why I’m saying you can trust him.” She touched his cheek and gave him a small smile. “It was scary but all in all I think it was worth it.”

He let out a deep sigh. “You’re strangely calm about this.” He replied with a grimace.

“Because you and Michael both had run-ins with Luca. I wasn’t even in the same room as him. So, I think in the grand scheme of things, I was safer.” She took his hand. “Now, c’mon, I’m hungry.”

~~~~~~~~~

Tommy brought her home and sat down at the table while she had free rein of the kitchen. He pulled out a cigarette to light. “Why don’t you have one of the girls come in and make you something?” He offered.

“I’ve been in a boat for days; I’d rather be on my feet.” She replied, scouring the pantry. “I’m not giant yet, although Alfie seemed to be able to tell I was pregnant even if I’m not showing.”

It was as if she had come back to tell him everything he didn’t want to hear. “For fuck’s sake. How did he know?”

“Relax. I told you, we can trust him.”

He just shook his head and took a few drags from his cigarette to calm his nerves. His eyes were staring at the wall, slipping off into a daze as he was lost in his own thoughts.

Kate came over and set down her lunch, interrupting him. “I was thinking about the things we could do once this is all over. I think it would be a good idea for you to take a little break.”

“I’ll take a break when the twins arrive.” He reminded her. “I have plans to get in the works.”

She looked disgruntled. “Tom, can we agree that these long-winded plans get you into tricky situations like the one we’re in now?”

He nodded absent-mindedly. Of course, how could he deny that? But what else could he do? “Things will get better.”

It sounded like something he had told her before. Maybe after Black Star Day or after the Derby. She wanted to trust him, wanted to trust his judgment, but she had a hard time trusting the rest of the world. It was common knowledge that her fiancée thought that the world would bend to his will if he was smart enough and had a good enough strategy. Yet no matter how many times Kate reminded him, he seemed to forget the world was untamable. He was aware it was unforgiving, but he’d survived death so many times. Maybe he thought death wouldn’t come to him unless he accepted it.

“What are you planning?” She asked cautiously.

“There are parliament elections…”

“Wait, wait, wait.” She stopped him before he could go on. “Tommy, be reasonable.”

“I am.” He tapped some ash off his cigarette.

Kate was suddenly not very hungry. She took a deep breath. “I recognize that you are smart enough and capable to hold a government position. Please understand that I don’t doubt you.”

He took her hand and looked into her eyes to let her know he was listening.

She felt a bit more comforted as she moved closer to him. There was never a time in their relationship that she felt unable to voice her opinions. Even in the beginning when he wasn’t keen on listening to her, she made sure he still heard her.

“I’m worried that you might be taking on too much. I’m worried you think you need to hold the world on your shoulders when you don’t. I know you want to bring change; you want to make the world a better place for people because you don’t want them to go through what you have.”

He lowered his eyes a bit. It was never easy when she dug right into the center of who he was. No one could quite drill past his armor like she could. Talking to her was like looking into a mirror and seeing the man he wished he was. The young bright-eyed boy who hoped for so much more.

“But you deserve peace and happiness, Thomas Shelby. You can’t sacrifice every part of you.” She pressed her lips to his knuckles.

“What do you suggest I do?” He asked quietly.

“Give yourself some time. We’ll be waiting for the twins to arrive anyway; I don’t think there’s much to do. Won’t be much I’ll be able to do.” She smiled slightly. “Allow Polly and Michael and the rest to run operations. You don’t have to give up any control but just trust that they know what’s right and what you need them to do.”

�� He sighed. It was difficult to even imagine giving up so much control. But if he had his eyes set on Parliament, he wouldn’t have the time to run everything. Realistically he would have to relinquish some control.

Kate saw the doubt in his face. “If you won’t do it for yourself, do it for me. Do it for the babies.” She urged softly. “Allow me to make up for the time I’ve lost with you.”

Tommy nodded. “Okay.” He agreed. “Okay.”

~~~~~~~~~~~

“What’s the long face for?” Polly asked.

Kate shrugged. “I’m not upset, just thinking.” They were sitting in the tailor’s shop the day before the big boxing match. She found that the dress she had planned to wear wasn’t going to fit. Even though it was slight, her baby bump was starting to show and starting to make certain dresses difficult to wear. So, Polly brought her to get the dress taken out a bit instead of having to find another one to wear.

“About what?” Polly wondered.

“I just don’t feel right about the match.” She admitted. “Something’s just…it just feels off.”

“Everything feels that way these days.” Tommy’s aunt sighed. “I suppose it’s the atmosphere of Small Heath. I almost forgot it.”

“Yeah.” Kate nodded. “I suppose you’re right. We were used to it once upon a time. But now that we’ve tasted life outside of it, it’s hard to be stuck in again.”

“It’ll all be over soon,” Polly assured her. “Just be patient. Think about the good times to come.”

The seamstress, Sophia, came out with the dress. “Here you are, that should do it. Do you want to try it on, Miss Lynch?”

Polly stood up from the sofa in the front of the store. “We’re in a bit of a hurry so she’ll have to try it on at home. I’m sure it fits perfectly now. Such a shame the woman who made it in London took the wrong measurements.”

Kate glanced at both women before coming to her senses. No doubt Polly had been enlisted by Tommy to make sure no one else caught onto the pregnancy. It was frustrating enough that he had accidentally told Michael and Alfie just took a wild guess. But Tommy was capping the list off at five. No one else would know.

“Oh, yes.” Kate stood as Sophia began to wrap up the dress to put in a bag. “I’m sure it’s all set. Thank you so much.”

The seamstress didn’t appear to be used to people just walking out without making sure it fit. “Oh, not a problem. I hope you all have fun at the boxing match. My husband’s going.” She smiled idly as she wrote up the receipt. “I told him to not bet too much money but I think he thinks he’s going to make a fortune off of Alfie Solomon’s boy.” She laughed softly.

Kate stood near the door. She wondered how nice it must be to be so oblivious to everything. To think the match was nothing more than just some good sport. Kate didn’t have the luxury to be that naïve.

~~~~~~~~~

The night of the match, Tommy came into the bedroom where Kate was getting dressed. He smiled when he saw her sitting on the bed pulling up her stockings. “I wasn’t sure where you ladies got the idea that this was something you all needed to dress up for.” He teased. Hopefully, a little lighthearted banter would put her at ease. Tommy only wished he could calm himself down.

Kate glanced up at him and stuck her tongue out. “We’ve all been stuck in Small Heath for weeks. None of us have had a chance to dress up. I think you should’ve expected us to take the first opportunity we have.” She finished with her stockings and stood up. “Now can you fasten the last few buttons?”

Tommy came up behind her and brushed her blonde curls away from her neck. “I’ve always loved red on you.” He said gently.

“I wore red to the derby.”

He frowned. “No, you didn’t. You wore black to Epsom.”

“Not Epsom.” She shook her head. “I meant when I met Kimber.”

Another one of Tommy’s ghosts, long-buried, long dead. He sighed. “Yeah, that’s right.”

“You remember what I wore to Epsom?” She went to turn around but Tommy stopped her. He hadn’t even started on the first button of her dress.

“Could probably remember a lot of things you’ve worn.” He admitted and slowly did up the buttons of her dress. “You wore purple when you first said you loved me. You wore blue when you showed up at John’s wedding. You wore blue to my wedding too. You wore green the last time I saw you before you left for Boston. And you were wearing red when I came to get you. You wore purple when I proposed in Scarborough.”

Kate felt tears welling up in her eyes. She had never known he paid so much attention to her at such an early stage of their relationship. “What about at the Moulin Rouge?” She asked, her voice shaking with emotion. “What was I wearing when we first met?” Not even she could really remember. She recalled Tommy looking very well dressed but couldn’t quite recall what she had on.

“Black but then you changed into a green dress. Then you wore purple the next day.”

She turned around. “I can’t believe you remember all of that.” She said touching his cheek.

His thumb came to swipe away the tear that slipped down her cheek. “When you were gone and I was in hospital, my worst fear was never seeing you again. My memory was already fucked after the surgery. So, I put all my effort into trying to hold onto the memories I had of you. It didn’t matter if I forgot everything else. As long as I remembered how you looked and the way I felt around you, then I’d be okay.”

Kate smiled through her tears. “Tom…”

“You don’t have to cry, love.” He hushed softly and kissed the corner of her lips.

Her laugh was interrupted by a hiccup. “I know. It’s probably the pregnancy. Ada said I would get weepy for no reason sometimes. It doesn’t help that you’re being this way.”

He smiled and wrapped his arms around her waist. “Can’t help it.”

“So, I can guess that because you’re in a good mood, tonight is going to go well?” She asked hopefully.

He nodded. “It will, you’ll be perfectly safe.” He sealed the promise with a deep kiss, pressing his hand into the small of her back.

There was a knock downstairs and Arthur called out to his brother. “C’mon, Tom!”

Kate reluctantly pulled away. “I’ll see you later?”

“Pol, Lizzie, and Ada will come to pick you up. You’ll all be escorted there, so there’s no need to worry about anything.” He said softly.

“Okay.” She felt a little more relieved and less anxious about the event as he kissed her lips a couple more times before he unraveled himself from her.

“And tell the girls to watch how much they drink.” He warned before leaving the bedroom.

Kate smiled. “No promises.” Perhaps this would finally just be a night they could all enjoy themselves. But she was forgetting the first rule she had always followed in life. Trust your instinct.

~~~~~~~~

There wasn’t much Kate could do about Ada bringing along a giant bottle of gin. Besides, she wasn’t going to stop her future sister-in-law from having any fun. That would just be unfair.

“I’m glad the dress worked out.” Polly smiled as Kate got into the car with them. “Did Tommy get to see it beforehand or did he go early?”

“He saw it.” Kate smiled. She wanted to tell them all about what he said but decided to keep it to herself. She wanted it to be a special moment kept between the two of them.

“Guess who I heard showed up,” Ada said. “A few women from the Forty Elephants.”

“Really?” Kate lit up. What was once a night she had been dreading was starting to become more like a party. She had a sneaking suspicion that Tommy was in on it too. Maybe he was hoping to give her a nice fun evening. Or maybe, he was trying to distract her. “Oh, I can’t wait for you to meet them. They’re a treat.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Alice Diamond apparently got the news that all the women were dressing up for the affair. Or there just wasn’t a time or a place where she wasn’t dressed up. She and Maggie Hill turned heads as they entered the venue. The mysterious women were quite a sight to be seen in Small Heath. And they were joined by Ruby and Lillian who walked arm in arm, daring anyone to make a comment about how close they were. There was another woman along with them that Kate didn’t recognize when they approached the Peaky ladies.

“Oh, Kate.” Alice embraced her and kissed her cheeks. “We heard all the awful news. That bastard-”

“It’s okay,” Kate assured her gently. “I just hope Sabini hasn’t been giving you girls any trouble. I told Alfie to keep an extra eye out for us.”

The glamorous woman rolled her eyes. “That moron doesn’t know when to quit. Once those Americans are gone, he’s going to have a big problem on his hands. But enough work talk. I want to see how Birmingham puts on a show.”

Kate laughed. “Let me introduce you. This is Polly, Tommy’s aunt. Lizzie Stark, his assistant, and Ada Thorne, his sister.”

“Alice Diamond.” She greeted them. “My associates, Maggie and Ruby. And this is Lillian and her sister Mabel. Kate, I don’t think you’ve met her.”

“No, I haven’t.” The woman looked to be older than Lillian by a couple of years. She had a similar soft charm to her just like her sister. But she appeared more timid than any of the Forty Elephants leading Kate to believe that she may not be involved with the organization.

She wore a more modest dress than the others, and her hair wasn’t bobbed like theirs were either. That’s when Kate noticed a simple gold necklace resting on her collarbone, the charm was a Star of David.

Kate could remember Lillian mentioning how her family was fairly conservative and approved of neither her lifestyle nor her relationship with Ruby. She wondered if maybe they were a part of the Orthodox community in Camden Town.

“Mabel, this is Kate Lynch. She’s the one Alfie always talks about, she’s engaged to Tommy Shelby.” Alice explained.

“Oh, of course.” Mabel nodded. “It’s nice to meet you, I’ve heard so much about you.”

“She was jealous until she knew you were engaged. Alfie always raved about you and Mabel fancies him.” Lillian smirked.

“No, I don’t!” The woman’s face went completely red.

It was like a lightbulb went off in Kate’s head. Oh, she’d prove Tommy wrong alright. She was already scheming a plan to make sure Mabel would by Alfie’s plus one to their wedding.

She smiled at her and touched her shoulder. “Come and sit with me so we can get to know each other.” Kate encouraged as they all began to walk to the front row of seats by the boxing ring. “You know I think Alfie might be here tonight.” She hinted just to gauge Mabel’s reaction.

It was clear as day as the pretty woman perked up and looked a little nervous. “Really? I mean…I know Goliath is fighting but I didn’t know-”

“Kate?” There was a soft hand on her shoulder.

She turned to smile at Tommy who was waiting for her. “Hi.”

“Ladies, you all look very nice. I’m glad you could make it.” Tommy nodded to Alice.

“Of course, Mr. Shelby. Wouldn’t miss it for the world. It’s always fun to watch Goliath beat someone to the brink of death. I hope your boy made a will.” Alice teased with a cocky grin.

“Looks can be deceiving, Miss Diamond,” Tommy replied then bent down to whisper in Kate’s ear. “Alfie wants to talk to you.”

“Oh, okay.” Kate stood up to follow him to the back area of the venue. The further away she got from the excited buzz of the crowd, the more dread sank into her stomach. Instinct was not something to be ignored. And there were alarm bells ringing in her ears.

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