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sixhours · 2 months

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One Day at a Time - Chapter 3 - Embryo

Series Chapter Index | Read on AO3 | Complete

Rating: Explicit, 18+, here be smut Series tags: The Last of Us, The Last of Us (HBO), Joel Miller x f!OFC, Joel & Ellie, mostly follows canon, SMUT, gratuitous smut, dubious consent (drunk sex), unplanned pregnancy, fluff, references to past miscarriages, angst, hurt/comfort, romance, age gap (~21 years), childbirth, fluffy baby stuff, I've probably forgotten some so please let me know <3

~*~

Days become weeks without word from Charlie. Every time he sees her, she gives him a little nod. Nothing overt, just enough to send a message.

We’re still here.

After two weeks, he’d found an old pocket calendar from 2001 and put it by his bed, and he marks off each day that passes with a big X. He’s done the math, and there’s a date in mid-December circled in red pen.

He can’t sleep for shit under the best of circumstances, but lately it’s impossible. He’s given up trying, choosing instead to crash on the couch with a movie playing on a loop in the background until a fitful sleep takes him.

He’s parked like this on the couch one night when the knock surprises him out of a half-doze. He fumbles for the remote and pauses the movie before answering the door.

It’s Charlie.

“I’m bleeding,” she says in lieu of a greeting.

His stomach sinks.

He reaches out without thinking, hands on her shoulders; she’s shivering. He pulls her forward into the warmth of the little house, closing the door behind her.

“Midwife says it could be normal or it could be a miscarriage,” she says flatly. “No way to tell yet.”

He seethes. He remembers Maria and Tommy telling him about the Jackson midwife; she was competent, but her bedside manner was shit.

“Does it…feel like…” He doesn’t know how to finish the sentence.

“I don’t know, I’ve never made it this far. I’m not cramping. It’s not a lot of blood. I just…you wanted me to tell you, so I’m telling you.”

He nods, feeling stupid and helpless and hating it.

“Uh…sit,” he says, gesturing to the couch. “Want tea? It’s herbal. No caffeine.”

She nods warily. “Sure…I guess.”

He sets the water to boil, gets out two mugs, pulls the little canister of tea from the shelf, and fills the infuser with dried peppermint leaves. He can’t stand the stuff, but Ellie won’t drink coffee like a normal person, so they always have some in the house.

He glances at Charlie from over his shoulder as he waits for the water to boil. She’s on the couch, arms wrapped around herself as if she could hold back the thing she fears by force of will.

“You take milk or anythin’?”

“Just sugar, if you have it.”

He does. The kettle whistles and he pours the steaming water over the leaves.

She takes the tea with a small, hollow smile and sips at it. He takes a seat in the armchair next to her.

“Is there anything we can do?”

She shakes her head. “Midwife said to check in tomorrow morning. If it gets worse before then, I’ll go to the clinic.”

“Okay,” he says. “I can…wait with you.”

She nods, takes another sip, and sinks back into the couch. Waiting.

The silence presses in around them. It’s like torture, and Joel wracks his tired brain for something, anything to say. She saves him the trouble, blinking with interest at the television screen.

“Is this Gunz Blazin’ 2 ?”

“Uh…yeah…”

“I haven’t seen it since I was a kid,” she says, smiling a little. “My dad and I used to watch these movies all the time. They’re awful.”

He swallows hard, thinking of Sarah.

She looks at him and picks up the remote. “Mind if I…?”

“Yeah, yeah…sure.”

She hits Play and sits back, curling her legs under her and clutching the tea in her hands.

~*~

The credits roll a couple of hours later. Charlie has nestled into the couch with a blanket over her lap, empty mug resting on the coffee table.

“S’it as bad as you remember?” Joel rasps.

“Yes. Maybe worse. But in a good way,” she smiles a little. “Nostalgic, I guess.”

He nods. “How’re you, uh, feelin’?”

“Fine,” she says automatically, then laughs. “Not fine, actually. I’m exhausted and I’m sick all the time and my boobs are so fucking sore I could—“

She stops. “Shit, I’m sorry. That’s more than you needed to know. My husband used to say I was born without a filter.”

“S’alright,” he murmurs, his face burning. “You’re, uh, married?”

“Was…or what passed for marriage in the QZ, I guess. We were cordyceps orphans…grew up together after the outbreak, protected each other…kept each other out of trouble. We had 17 years together before…before our luck ran out.”

“So he, uh…you and he…wanted kids?”

“Yeah,” she snorts. “Sounds pretty stupid, right? Bringing a baby into a quarantine zone?”

He bites his lip and doesn’t say anything. He knew people still brought children into this broken world, but he’d never considered it. His interest in that life had stopped when Sarah’s heart stopped beating.

“I miscarried three times,” she murmurs. “We might have kept trying if we’d made it to Jackson together…I don’t know.”

“What happened to him?”

She shrugs. “We ran into trouble on the way here. He was bit. I…took care of it. We always said that was the deal, that we wouldn’t let each other turn. He…he didn’t even flinch when I pulled the trigger.”

She’s looking down at her stomach now, tracing her fingers over the ridges in her shirt, lost in thought.

“I wasn’t looking for this any more than you were,” she says softly. “But I want it anyway…I–I can’t help it. Is that foolish?”

Her eyes bore into his then, not sad now, almost…angry. Challenging him to deny her this.

Joel doesn’t know how to answer, but he huffs a soft, “No.”

She rubs her palm slowly across her lower belly. “This is the longest I’ve ever made it. I didn’t have morning sickness or the…other symptoms before, so I thought…maybe…maybe this time…”

“It’s not over ‘til it’s over,” he says softly.

He wants to take her hand. Instead, he gathers their mugs and takes them to the sink.

“Oh…it’s late,” she says faintly. “I should go.”

He frowns. “You shouldn’t be alone. You can stay here tonight.”

“Oh, no—”

He shakes his head, cutting off her protest. “If somethin’ goes wrong or if you get…sick…someone should be with you. I could come to your place if that’s–or call a friend if you don’t want, uh, me–”

“It’s not that, Joel, but I’ve been through this before–”

“By yourself?”

She swallows hard and ducks her head. “No.”

“Then stay,” he says. “Just for the night. I can put you up in–”

He falters, thinking of Ellie’s old room, still decorated in ugly pink stripes. Meant for a teenager but too close to a nursery.

“You can stay in my room,” he says quickly. “I’ll take the couch. Usually end up down here anyway.”

“I couldn’t–”

“It’s fine,” he waves her off. “Can’t sleep for shit no matter where I land. C’mon.”

He makes for the stairs before she can argue, and breathes a sigh of relief when she follows. He pauses outside the door to his bedroom.

“Just, uh…wait here. Gimme a minute.”

He ducks into the room, picking up clothes and tossing them into the hamper. He strips the bed and digs wrinkled but clean sheets out of the linen closet. After a pause, he picks up the calendar and the red pen from the nightstand and stuffs them into his pocket.

“Should be all good. The bathroom’s, uh, right through there,” he gestures. “All yours. There’s, uh, pain medicine if you need it.”

“Thanks…”

“I’ll be downstairs,” he says. “If you need anything, if anything, uh, happens…just come get me. Or yell.”

“Sure.”

“I mean it,” he says.

“I will, Joel,” she murmurs. “Thanks.”

“G’night then.”

He goes back to his usual spot on the couch and lies down, staring at the little cracks in the living room ceiling. He won’t be able to sleep now. He thinks about the raw need in her voice as her fingers traced her stomach, the hitch in her breath, maybe this time …

He throws an arm across his eyes, trying to block out the thoughts. A small, grief-blackened part of him hates that he cares. Before Ellie, he could numb the pain with booze and pills and a lucrative career in smuggling. But he’s not that man anymore. It would be so much easier if he were, if he couldn’t feel the little flicker of hope in his chest.

The calendar and pen dig into his hip, and he pulls them out of his pocket. It’s well after midnight, so without thinking, he uncaps the pen and crosses off another day.

~*~

He must have fallen asleep. When he opens his eyes, the room is lighter, and Charlie is nudging his shoulder.

He’s upright before he’s fully awake. “What is it? Y’okay?”

“I’m fine,” she says quietly. “I’m going to go. The midwife said she’d see me at 7:00. I need to go home and change.”

“Right, okay. Do you, uh…do you want me to come with–”

“No,” she says quickly. “I haven’t told her…or anyone…about you.”

“Right,” he blinks. “Um. Let me know…okay?”

She nods, holding her arms around her middle like she could protect herself from the worst. Without thinking, he reaches out and touches the back of her hand. She doesn’t pull away.

“Sorry,” he mutters, withdrawing. “I…I hope it works out,” he says lamely.

“Do you?” she asks, with an edge of bitterness in her voice. She’s immediately contrite. “I’m sorry. You’ve been kind, and that was…cruel. Missing my filter again.”

“It’s…fine.”

He wants to tell her he does have hope, despite himself, but she’s already out the door.

~*~

Charlie hasn’t been gone for five minutes when there’s a knock.

Shit.

He’s on the schedule for a construction job and he’d promised to meet Tommy early. Now he’s late.

“I’m comin’,” he mutters, wincing at the stiffness in his back. “Hold your goddamned horses.”

“Long night?” Tommy smirks on the other side of the door. “Thought I saw Charlie doin’ the walk of shame–”

“Shut it,” Joel growls, surprising himself at the bite in his voice. “Don’t say another fuckin’ word.”

Tommy’s hands coming up in mock defense. “Whoa, easy. Didn’t know it was like that.”

“It’s not,” Joel snaps.

“Alright,” he says, peering at his older brother curiously. “So…you ready to go?”

“Yeah. Lemme get my stuff.”

He’s distracted all day. The work is simple enough–framing a new barn for the sheep, to replace one that’s been infested by termites beyond repair. It should be easy, but he’s overtired and he can’t seem to make his hands behave. Tommy keeps having to repeat himself, giving Joel curious looks.

“You’re losin’ it, big brother,” he says amiably when Joel brings him a jar of the wrong-size screws for the second time in a row.

It’s mid-afternoon when he brings the hammer down on his middle finger. He watches the whole thing as though in slow motion, knowing exactly what’s going to happen well before he feels the pain, but he’s powerless to stop it.

“Fuuuuuuuck,” he hisses, shaking out his injured hand. Purplish red blood is already blooming under the wide, flat nail. He resists the urge to stick the finger in his mouth to soothe the throbbing ache like a child.

“You break it?” Tommy’s looking over his shoulder.

“No,” he growls. “Just a bruise.”

“Yeah, right. Well, you’re done for today,” Tommy says. “Go home. Made good progress, anyway, we’re almost done.”

Joel shoots him a look, but it doesn’t affect his younger brother in the slightest. It never does. So he relents, packing his tools and trudging away, finger throbbing.

He sees her on the walk home.

Charlie is standing with someone just outside the caf. She looks about as tired as he feels, but then she sees him and brightens, the subtlest glimmer as she catches his eye. The look stops him in mid-stride, frozen in the middle of the street.

She gives him a little nod.

Warmth spreads through his chest, a flood of relief, and that blasted hope again.

We’re still here.

#the last of us #fanfic #fic recs #joel miller #the last of us hbo #babyfic #pregnancy

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artfilmfan · 9 months

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Trouble Every Day (Claire Denis, 2001)

#beatrice dalle #vincent gallo #Tricia Vessey #claire denis #trouble every day #female filmmakers #female directors #female directed films #women in film #female screenwriters #alex descas

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dyouknowwhatimean · 8 months

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most based cannibalism moments in movies, when timothee chalamet starts eating a guy by sucking on his nipples and then biting them off in bones and all 2022 and when vincent gallo starts eating a girl by first eating her out and then starts biting in trouble every day 2001

#i think....#sorry this is such a 2021 post even tho that first movie didnt even exist yet #own post

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twisted-w0rds · 7 months

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Trouble Every Day, 2001

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silantryoo · 7 months

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EUPHORIA — nekkoya

AHN YUJIN (jinyuandfriends, ilovegirls11), 2003, izone's other baby, goes to eunbi for advice at every inconvenience, gives chaewon the worst advice, likes to make fun of wonyoung in the gc because no one can stop her here

JANG WONYOUNG (iwonyoung), 2004, literally a big baby, matured but to what degree, asks her unnies for help about everything, knows her maknae privileges and it gets her anything she wants

CHOI YENA (mynameisyena), 1999, dumbass without a single thought in her brain, teases yujin but she's no better, says she can climb trees but she can't, tells yujin to do the dumbest stuff AND SHE LISTENS???

LEE CHAEYEON (i.chaechae), 2000, laughs at anything and at anyone, super sweet and understanding, always giving advice out, probably the most well-slept out of all of them

JO YURI (youryuri), 2001, supportive only when she's happy, kinda a ticking time bomb, is a big fan of l/n y/n, loves to watch the others suffer except her maknaes

HONDA HITOMI (imthealpha), 2001, small but terrifying, once threatened to choke yena with a sock for stealing her food, never gets involved with anything even if they're her problems

YABUKI NAKO (nakonakonii), 2001, shortest mf in the world and yujin consistently makes sure she knows that, secretly wishing for yujin to magically shrink one day, lowkey judges everything and everyone

KANG HAEWON (kwangbae), 1999, she doesn't really exist, only shows up when she gets to insult someone or if yuri is in trouble, kinda texts like an ai most times, she has a pet alien(?)

KIM MINJU (loveminju), 2001, the biggest hater in iz*one lowkey, lost half of the time, reads books upside down, she somehow has a great memory, yujin's go-to person when she needs to vent

MIYAWAKI SAKURA (justkkuraisfine), 1998, has to deal basically the same group twice each day, defends wonyoung and yujin with every muscle she's got, loves all her members even if they piss her off

KIM CHAEWON (zuhasrealgf), 2000, hater until the end of time, doesn't care about problems except her own, annoys eunbi and yena about everything, surprisingly good at giving advice

KWON EUNBI (helpmepls1), 1996, can't escape no matter how hard she tries, her phone is always buzzing and her fridge is always empty because of the others, needs a 2 week, fully paid vacation to hawaii

masterlist

taglist (CLOSED)!

@rosiehrs @perfectsunlight @sserabey @wallfl9wer @uzumakioden @cwpiqwon @zhivaxo @blue4hour @jisooftme @alexxis10 @everydayiloveyves @haerinkisser @winieter @feisrants @haerinsloverr @skisk1 @huhyunjinwifey

#ahn yujin x reader #an yujin x reader #ive x reader #izone x reader #iz*one x reader #kpop x reader #idol x reader #silantryo

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oldguardleatherdog · 9 months

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I am a survivor of the terror attacks on the World Trade Center in Lower Manhattan on September 11, 2001. I lived four blocks due east of the Towers.

I lost my home that day, was homeless and destitute for years, and in 2018, after extensive vetting by the CDC, NIH, and NIOSH, was given a Zadroga Act diagnosis of 9/11-connected PTSD as a result of my experience and exposure to the aftermath in the World Trade Center Disaster Area from 9/11/01-1/20/02.

Monday will be the 22nd anniversary. As always, I will mark the day with my family and loved ones, and I may or may not be online that day and evening... every year is different.

I no longer dread it, and neither should you. Speaking as the only person most of you will ever likely know who was directly affected, literally a card-carrying Certified Survivor of 9/11, I hereby grant you freedom from all anxiety, guilt, despair, anger, resentment, discomfort, and anything and everything else that remains in your spirit and mind and heart that troubles you about that day, that has never quite resolved, that prevents you from sharing the joy in my own heart at having survived, at being alive.

If you must be angry, be angry at the way we were used in the years that followed, but do not aim that anger at us any longer. We who were injured in the attacks that day are not the ones to blame, nor did we have any say in or influence over anything that flowed from them. We who survived are not to blame for the bigotry you suffered or the wars that followed or the scorn of your view of this country and its leaders. We did not slaughter untold millions of innocents in faraway lands.

The random, free-floating anger, the wishes that we too had died in the attacks, the perverse cries to me and others of "you deserved it!", make those who attack us complicit in the attacks of that day - because we were targeted for 22 years in the same way that the terrorists targeted us for slaughter that morning.

The home I knew and the place I loved no longer exists. What's there now belongs to another generation, where new life has grown out of the charnel house of devastation, where memories have been made and children have played and careers have flourished and love has been found and lost and found again, and there is comfort there.

Don't worry about us; we take care of our own. You honor us best by living as we do: fully, freely, always going forward, always in the light.

I will keep you close in the days ahead. You are never far from my heart.

"I AM ALIVE"

Animal J. Smith

#my first selfie #information gladly given #i am alive #animal j. smith #the day between september 10th and september 12th #don't be scared #we are fine #understanding will come in time

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cafedanslanuit · 1 year

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☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ HOW THEY SEE ROMANCE BASED ON THEIR MOON, VENUS & MARS SIGNS

isagi, bachira, kunigami ☼ chigiri, reo, nagi ☼ sae, rin, oliver

why those signs? well, you see, those three are the most relevant in our charts when it comes to romance. our moon sign shows how we deal with emotions, how we express them and our emotional needs. our venus sign tells us how we approach romantic relationships and what brings us pleasure. and lastly, our mars sign reveals our truest desires, our instincts, and sexuality.

tags/warnings: gn reader + no pronouns, pretty sfw, maybe a tad suggestive

note: i based my calculations on the birthdays shown on the egoist bible since they sometimes differ in different websites :) edited!! isagi and kuni's year was 2002, not 2001, so i just fixed their reading c:

masterlist

ISAGI — scorpio moon + aries venus + taurus mars

The type to get fleeting crushes that fill his need for romantic attention and enticement. However, once it becomes routine, it can bore him and he'll move on to the next. His emotions run very intensely, just like in football, and he's always looking for excitement in his romantic life. He can sometimes come on strong if he's especially interested. With a partner that manages to keep his attention, he can become possessive, since it's not every day he finds someone that can meet his energy. He has a need for security, but if someone becomes tiring or repetitive, he won't look back. Regarding sex, he has a strong desire for it and, just like in love, he tends to go a bit overboard in his search for pleasure. And yes, it's definitely a compliment.

BACHIRA — pisces moon + cancer venus + sag mars

Quite the romantic but a bit unrealistic as well. He’s very involved in his relationships and he needs his partner to reassure him about their love, preferably in a physical way. He’s very optimistic about love, which sometimes makes him jump into relationships without considering things. On one hand, he’s attracted to adventure, in both romance and sex, and on the other, he needs emotional closeness and security. And sometimes, sex is a way you can provide him that. However, he might have trouble expressing these needs on his own, so you might have to rely on your own observations. He’s surrounded by an aura of compassion and love and lets his intuition take the lead. Sometimes, this also makes them break others’ boundaries and create uncomfortable situations.

KUNIGAMI — aquarius moon + aries venus + taurus mars

Very similar to Isagi, he can also come on strong if he's truly interested in someone. He also has a need for security that may drive him to committed relationships, if he finds someone that can keep his attention long enough. However, he's also very rational about his thoughts. If anything, he tends to overanalyze them. He thinks of himself as above jealousy and possessiveness and while this may come off as emotional maturity, in reality, Kunigami has some trouble when it comes to being in touch with his feelings. However, the fire inside of him will fight its way to make sure you know how much he truly cares for you, even if he hasn't found the right words yet. In terms of sex, he can be quite traditional yet extremely passionate. He values his independence and, even if he adores you, he also needs some time on his own.

#bluelock #blue lock #blue lock x reader #isagi x reader #bachira x reader #kunigami x reader #isagi yoichi x reader #bachira meguru x reader #kunigami rensuke x reader #isagi fluff #bachira fluff #kunigami fluff #blue lock fluff #bluelock x reader

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