If you have Spotify reblog this and tag what your number one song on your “on repeat” playlist is.
43K notes
·
View notes
★ ┊ blade, alcohol, pills // nicole ( class of 09 ) stimboard with soap cutting, pills, french fires and emo belts for 💗🎤 anon!
1 , 2 , 3 ┊ 4 , 5 , 6 ┊ 7 , 8 , 9
9 notes
·
View notes
I have realized, fundamentally, that I am a worthless being.
0 notes
Wanna pop some pills at 3pm
0 notes
To my future employer, tribute to my digital footprint.
74K notes
·
View notes
The Day I Took Three Benadryls on Safety Watch
Just like my angsty stories, I talk about death in my real life a lot. Especially suicide, I've kind of stopped doing that now, but it got me into real trouble.
My feelings haven't always been so up and down and fleeting. The mood swings mostly started around covid, when my mom would come back from work, and take her stress out on me. I know she loves me. I know she cares. After we moved to a new house in, a new state for the fifth time, I got into my old school.
I was mostly stable, until I started at a new preparatory school. I was in ninth grade when I became a boarding student. I pissed off my roommate and she told everyone, like the whole (mostly) dorm. It got so bad that I didn't want to be near them. I felt like every person who spoke Chinese hated me, like they were trying to ruin my life.
Then I reunited online with an old friend I hadn't seen in years. It was so fast, within a week she called me while I was in class. I called her back. And she screamed.
"This is how you make me feel! *scream*"
We kept sending each other photos, and she added me to a group chat. With her ex. Who was flirting with me. She told me to tell her ex to stop abusing her. I did. Her ex told her to kill herself. She tried. When I called the helpline, she blocked me for an entire month and was pissed.
That was it. Nobody liked me. I messed everything up.
Running away or escaping was my only thought. Leaving the universe became such a normal thought that I got mad when people were concerned. I didn't want to exist anymore. I wanted to be invisible. I wanted to hide because no one cared. Nobody would notice if I was gone.
It got to a point where I started expressing it aloud. Too much. So one of my friends told her parents, who told the school counselor. Who sent me home. My mom was stressed. She told me to stop being manipulative and get my act together. (She didn't know about the roommate issue.) My dad picked me up from her house and took me home. The next day, I had a counselor meeting.
I didn't want to be stressed and say things I didn't mean. Because I meant it when I said I wanted to disappear. But I told everyone I was just saying it to emphasize. Meanwhile, when I felt those thoughts, they were genuine, but just passing. I would go into that state for an hour or two and then come back feeling nothing.
So I took three Benadryls before we got in the car. It helped me calm down, after all, I didn't want to go to a psych ward. But it only hit while in the car, colors were floating, my heart was racing, I was zoning out, closing my eyes every few minutes, in another plane. The high slowed down after four hours. My thoughts were fleeting, with what to say. I stuck to my story. It was just for emphasis. I felt ignored. And I got to go to Taco Bell out of it.
It wasn't worth it, though. Now I just have my mood swings to explain.
0 notes
Ugh if only drugs weren't addictive
0 notes
I'm lowkey so bored. Why did Omegle have to shut down before I could even explore it...
3 notes
·
View notes