Hi! Hope you're doing well, I enjoy your account, it's rare to find content like this. Do you have any tips for women in humanities, academia?

Inquisitiveness and curiosity will open more doors for you than anything else.

Don’t be afraid to go against the norm or question the status quo. Just because 10 people in your class perceive a certain issue in a certain light doesn’t mean that you have to

the most well-prepared person will always be the winner. Perhaps not always in the short run but definitely in the long run

get out of your comfort zone every now and then. Go socialise, go for a random dance workshop. Learn to accept that you do not have to be 100% perfect at everything you do. Learn to be a multi faceted person.

Read something that is not school or work related. Do that for the nourishment of your soul.

Going over my old Notes is always such a ball, it really makes me chortle.

I need someone to destroy this folder when I die.

Hi :) Is there a question you've yet to be asked that you would like to answer? A story of something nice that happened, a book recommendation that's not enough for a whole post, a piece if advice no one has asked for yet...?

Have a pleasant day<3

That’s such a thoughtful ask, OP. I appreciate your message.

Normally I do get bombarded with people who need advice and I’m always happy to lend a helping hand if I can. But this ask is quite refreshing and different and I’d love to take a stab at it.

A book recommendation… I’ve been reading lots lately and I began Salman Rushdie’s novel, The Moor’s Last Sigh. It’s an interesting read so far. I love dystopian, magic realism novels and I love reading stuff that makes me wonder what the fuck I just read. I enjoy reading authors who have an odd way of looking at life and the world. It makes me feel so small but in a good way - there is so much out there for me to explore and that perhaps what I’m going through isn’t some rare calamity. In a sense, books like that ground me and bring new perspectives in my life. Murakami’s work is another uncomfortable read I particularly enjoy.

A piece of advice that no one asked for… Not all “high value men” are 100% traditionally masculine. My father always told me I had a strong personality but instead of telling me to be more submissive, he suggested I look at men who are more mild mannered than I am but not to compromise on certain details. Dating someone with a strong personality would only create conflict. Initially I disagreed with him but as I dated more people, I realised he was right. I do want someone who is masculine in some areas and to be provided for if needed but I want to be a decision maker in certain areas that are not traditionally feminine and that’s ok. There’s no cookie cutter to this. As long as you know what you want and what your key needs are, at least you know your starting point.

Something nice that happened… I’ve been taking on a lot of challenges in my work life lately and it’s starting to pay off. I met a friend after 10 years and I felt so nice meeting him again because he was always such a sweet little guy. My friends and I went to a gaming arcade over the weekend and had an absolute blast. I ordered new clothes and workout gear and I’m excited to receive them. I’ve decided to start a flower diary - I want to learn more about plants. I’m going to start with my parents’ garden, I plan to carefully pick and press the flowers in a between the pages of a heavy book and stick it in a beautiful, leather bound scrapbook. I plan to write their names with a fountain pen.

❤️

Hello 🤗 I have a question if you don't mind answering. An anon had asked for your opinion for the consumerism of hypergamy lifestyle and such and you answering saying how it is a family affair rather than personal to actually date wealthy rather than dressing the part. If I was able to achieve the status, money, etc. on my own and is a part of these circles but I don't come from a background of such, how would dating work in that sense? Would it be a personal matter or who the people that I know in these circles act like the matchmaker or would it be something something else? Have you heard of anything like that before? 🤔

What I said is very culture dependent. If you do not come from an Asian, South Asian, Middle Eastern background this will probably not apply to you.

As a woman, your money will have less worth than your background. No man in these circles wants to be provided for by his woman. It will emasculate him and people will 100% talk. Normally, especially in south Asian societies, hypergamy has been practiced for literally centuries where families would try to ensure that the girl is married to someone above her status. So the amount of money in your bank doesn’t matter. What will propel you if you come from very little, is your education status and job position. That will give you relevance.

people in these circles are not going to accept outsiders easily unless you either have money or come from some sort of a prominent lineage of something in the arts. If you’re upper middle class, you might have a shot if you play your cards right.

the most important thing that you have to understand that you will never learn if you don’t experience it, is their mindset. The way they perceive money, relationships, power, status is completely different. It’s not necessarily how they show it in the movies, it’s not necessarily flaunting. But it’s the ability to pick a $5000 bag nonchalantly and buy it on an impulse just because they felt like it. It’s booking first class tickets to some destination and leaving day after. Rarely do you hear someone talk about how expensive something is (business expenses are one thing and can be talked about as expensive but never personal expenses) This sort of level of spending and the mentality of money is completely different. You can only get used to it if you’re surrounded by it.

I know a billionaire who married his middle class wife but they were college sweethearts, she was gorgeous and fun, he was mad about her and wanted to give her the world. Today they’re on the brink of divorce. But yeah, there are certain cases where a middle class girl has entered the circles - but her ability to blend in seamlessly has to be perfect.

Update : Hyperlinks Issue

a lot of you have complained about my links not working. I tried to figure the issue out, but to no avail. I’m going to have to make the master list again. There seems to be no other solution - I’ll have to go through all my posts and start the work of hyperlinking everything.

it’s going to be quite a lot of work, and it’ll take a lot of time from my end. I’ll try to wrap it up as quickly as possible.

till then be patient folks! 😘

none of the links in your pinned post are working :(

I know!! This is so weird. I’ve been trying to figure this out for days. I’ve spent so much time working on the master list, it’s absolutely aggravating to see that things aren’t working.

If someone knows why this could be the case - help ya girl out :)

Hey I can't seem to access your some of the contents on Yyr list when I click it?

Which ones? They seem to work fine for me

go follow my side blog @kibblesforyourbrain to read, watch or listen to interesting content that I consume on a daily basis.

Do You know any lesbian hypergamy blogs?

no

Are there any short hairstyles you would recommend? ^^ I'm visiting a hairdresser soon, but have no idea for a haircut

I refuse to cut my hair short after the one time I did so when I was 18 and looked like Dora on drugs and I’ve kept my hair waist length ever since. The only advice I can give you is that be mindful of the hair texture you have. If you have frizzy hair and you want to cut it into a bob, you’re going to have to style it every time you leave the house which increases your maintenance (this was the mistake I made - I thought I was going to look like this one influencer but I ended up looking like Fiona). Take into account the shape of your face too, it plays a huge role in how your hair will frame your face. I’d recommend that you go to a really nice hairdresser even if it costs more because they’ll guide you better. If you like the chop, you can maintain it at a more affordable salon.

Could you elaborate on “bringing value to the table” to help break into these higher class circles, any resources you would recommend?

normally there’s 4 types of people I see and what they bring- the value of being smart or talented in something (long term value- people want to pick at your brain or use your network), the value of being beautiful (short term value and you have to be very careful of the backlash you will 100% get from other women and the objectification from men), the value of being rich (medium term value but works only as long as you have money and are liquid enough to fund other people’s projects) and sometimes - ya this actually works lol - the value of being funny (the value of being the “fun friend” at a party or event: short term if you don’t know how to form deep relationships).

All depends on you and what you are naturally good at.

What you have to understand is that having any one or two of these values will get you a temporary entry into the circle. Once you’re in, it doesn’t mean you’re fully in. Sustaining in that circle is another game.

Based on your recent post about how “looking the part won’t really help you fit in high net worth spaces”

Can you give some advice on what can help break into those spaces, as I don’t have a degree but I do have a decent job in finance and currently working my way up the career ladder.

It’s not going to be easy. No one is going to look your way if you don’t bring some value to the table. This depends on culture, but the easiest way to get into these spaces is either:

Befriending people like them somehow somewhere

Being at the top of a good organisation/ starting something of your own or something - basically meet the requirements to join YPO or EO. I know the CEO of a famous luxury brand and they literally started their journey from a small village. They have access to the top 10% of the world today because they climbed the ladder all the way to the top.

manage to date and marry someone who belongs in the circle

I can’t give you a formula because things vary culturally. I would say that it’s easier to get into the western high society than eastern ones.

Advice for obtaining an American Express platinum card?

I really don’t know, I have the black one because of my family

What do you think about consumerism in relation to the "hypergamous" lifestyle?

Great question. I'm going to be honest with you. There’s no point in sharing my opinion, I’d rather share my observation.

there is this perception that you have to spend crazy $$, wear designer, go on expensive holidays, be a part of exclusive member-only clubs in order to bag a wealthy guy. The thinking is, “if I look the part, I will fit right in.”

let me break it to you. If you’re Asian, Middle Eastern - you come from a culture that basically defines marriage as something between two families and not individuals - you could live the above lifestyle, live way beyond your means but your chances of bagging a wealthy guy are low. If you do not have the family background or education level to support your lifestyle to be with a rich guy, it’s going to be very difficult, not impossible. You could bag someone who is upper middle class, but definitely not the 0.01%.

While it’s true that the rich do spend like crazy - you have to understand that (especially in Asians) the level of spending is completely different. They can book a first class emirates flight without caring about rates, they have access to concierge services, the circles are small but tight. It is extremely difficult to break into these if you don’t have the money or are extremely good friends with someone who is in this circle. To keep up with this circle is another financial headache.

The consumerism is crazy, it is high yes, but often it’s for things you might not expect. “Silent luxury”, investing in jewellery, properties, experiences, hobbies, drivers, PAs, 24/7 staff to take care of your home, having personal managers at the banks that have your accounts, seeing the top CEOs, politicians, actors etc as regular people - keeping up is not easy. Even if we look at normal stuff, like shopping for clothes - they’re able to blow this thousands of $ on a simple Hermes tea cup set, break it, and buy another one very nonchalantly. Not to mention the constant social gatherings, the clothes (god forbid you repeat), your life’s experiences etc etc. Women here don’t work to maintain their lifestyle, they work to enjoy what they are doing. Even if they stop working tomorrow, they will be financially taken care of by their families or husbands.

hypergamy here is completely different and obstructed. Let’s take my own example. I date boys that my family picks out for me - boys whose families own massive conglomerates, who are cultured and sophisticated, etc etc. I ended things with my last boyfriend because of multiple things, but what mattered most was that my father felt that he wouldn’t be able to provide for me the way I was used to all my life. (Even tho my ex came from a wealthy background too). At every social gathering that my parents organise or take me to, I’ve got my parents friends asking my parents if I’m single, if I’m interested in meetings their sons, etc etc. Dating and marrying hypergamously in Asian and Middle Eastern cultures is very much a family affair. There is a lot of talk that happens in these circles - who married who, whose kids are dating who, did you hear that A’s son fell in love with some middle class girl he met in college - not to your face, but behind your back.

What I’m trying to say is - you could look the part but still not bag the guy. You could dress nice, you could wear expensive perfume and make up but in the end, backgrounds are vetted extremely carefully. Especially in today’s day and age where looking the part has become easier than ever. So now when you tie this to consumerism, you can see why it can be difficult to keep up with this level of consumerism and spending. And even if you can - that may not guarantee anything. Unfortunately life isn’t like kdramas and some rich guy isn’t going to take pity on you and transform your life when he could just be with someone who has a similar upbringing which is more comfortable.

I’m not sure if I answered your question correctly, but I assumed that you were basically asking me if looking the part can get you any points in the hypergamy scene.

Hello! I love you blog and read every advice you give. I have a question, I just got a second earlobe piercing after thinking about it for a long time, I did it yesterday and was very happy to finally have done it. When I showed it to my aunt, she told me that it was not elegant and women look better with only one earlobe piercing. I am currently doubting my decision, I chose this piercing because I saw some cute combinations with dainty earrings and diamonds, but now I'm not so sure if it was a good thing to do in the end. What do you think about double pierced earlobes? Can they llok elegant or not?

I have 3 piercings in one ear, 2 in the other, I used to have a nose piercing. As long as you’re happy with your decision that’s all that matters. A double piercing is nothing. I’m friends with billionaire and millionaire daughters who have visible tattoos, even more piercings than I do. You’re good.

To the jewelry anon if you don’t like yellow gold, get white gold it’s the same value as regular gold. And get high karat gold like 18k. Never buy 10k gold it’s only 41% pure gold. 14k is mid range & the average on the US market at 50% pure gold. Also don’t buy into the belief that 18k gold is “too soft.” Yes, gold can be “soft” but it’s soft for a metal, it won’t crumple is your hands, you don’t have to worry about most gold pieces bending until you get to 21k of 22k gold.

It also seems like you need to do some research & learn more about jewelry if you thought because you didn’t like gold & silver wasn’t valuable you were out of options. And most valuable most valuable jewelry is made out of silver any it’s white gold that your seeing. All those “silver” engagement rings you see on your timeline are white gold.

@ anon

To the Jewellery anon:

Jewellery made from Platinum are also a good choice, as it is durable and platinum is overall a good investment.

^