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marauders-venting · 2 years

Text

It’s Not The Same

pairing: wolfstar (remus x sirius)

genre: fluff

warnings: minor (implied) panic attack

words: 4944

a/n: this was a request from someone on Instagram :)

I love you. The three words that Remus hears from Sirius Black almost daily. And every time he does, he bites his lip and swallows his pain. Because that’s exactly what he wants to hear from Sirius but Sirius doesn’t mean it the way Remus wants him to. Sirius says them to all his friends. Which is great. It’s one of the reasons Remus fell in love with Sirius in the first place. He’s got such a good heart. Nonetheless, Remus wishes that when Sirius says those words to him, they could mean something else. Something more. But Sirius will never look at him like that. He will never think of Remus when a love song comes on, never ache to hold Remus’ hand, never imagine the feeling of kissing Remus. He’ll never sit in class, staring at Remus out of the corner of his eye and completely lose himself in a daydream about Remus. Which is exactly what Remus is doing now.

“Mr Lupin!” Slughorn’s voice rings loudly in Remus’ ears. He feels his face grow red from embarrassment as he quickly looks away. “Could you please turn your attention to the front of the class and watch the example of how to correctly brew this potion? Unless Mr Black and Mr Potter are doing something that interests you more?”

“I’d say we’re a great deal more interesting than a dead frog, sir,” Sirius says. Slughorn turns to him.

“Detention, Black,” he says. “Cheek is not tolerated in my class. Would you care to join him, Mr Lupin?”

“No, sir,” Remus says.

“Come on, Moony, don’t abandon me in detention alone,” Sirius whines. Remus grins and suppresses a laugh.

“That’s enough, Mr Black,” Slughorn says. “Now if you will all please focus, I’d like to continue with my lesson.” Slughorn drones on and on, brewing the potion himself and not allowing them to do anything but listen. Eventually, Remus zones out again but this time he makes sure he isn’t staring at Sirius.

“If you’re not going to tell Sirius how you feel, you’re going to have to stop staring at him in class,” Lily murmurs in his ear.

“Thanks for that,” Remus says sarcastically. “It won’t happen again.”

“Why don’t you just talk to him, Rem?” Lily says.

“I can’t.”

“Why not?” she says.

“We’ve been through this, Lils,” Remus says. “He’ll hate me.”

“I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. He won’t hate you.”

“You don’t know that.”

“He loves you,” she says. Remus sighs.

“It’s not the same.”

“Mr Lupin, I gave you a second chance but talking during class is unacceptable,” Slughorn says. “You will join Mr Black in detention.” Lily had been talking as well but nobody bothered to point that out. Slughorn wouldn’t put his favourite student in detention.

“Yes!” Sirius says. He turns around and holds his hand out for Remus to high-five. Remus shakes his head but grins and high-fives Sirius all the same.

As they’re walking out the door at the end of class, Slughorn stops them.

“I will see you both at my office at 10:30 on Saturday morning,” he says.

“Saturday morning?!” Sirius exclaims.

“Yes,” Slughorn says. “If you thought detention is going to be all fun and games, I suggest you think again.”

“Yes, sir,” he says, gloomily.

“Don’t be late,” Slughorn says.

“Yes, sir,” Remus says. “We’re sorry for causing trouble. It won’t happen again.” Slughorn snorts.

“I may believe it of you, Mr Lupin, but Mr Black has a bit of a track record against him,” he says. “All I ask is that you don’t drag Miss Evans into your misbehaviour. She’s a bright girl and a good student. She doesn’t need you two and Potter and Pettigrew getting her in trouble.”

“Oh, don’t you worry, professor, I’m sure she’ll give us a good telling-off when we get back to the common room,” Sirius says, “won’t she, Remus?”

“She probably will.”

“Good,” Slughorn says. “You have potential, both of you. Don’t waste it by landing yourselves in detention.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it, sir,” Sirius says, grinning. “Have a good day.”

“You too, Mr Black,” Slughorn says, looking vaguely amused. “And you, Lupin.”

“Thank you, sir,” Remus says and he follows Sirius out of the classroom.

---------

“I can’t believe we have to get up early on Saturday,” Sirius grumbles, later that day after they’ve long finished their class and are all sitting together in the common room.

“Nobody made you talk back to Slughorn,” Lily shrugs.

“I can’t believe I got detention and you didn’t,” Remus says to her, shaking his head.

“Why are you surprised?” Marlene laughs. “We’ve always known that Lily is Slughorn’s favourite.”

“Yeah but this is blatant favouritism,” Remus says. “Teachers can get fired for that.”

“Oh but the Slug Club is subtle favouritism?” Peter says sarcastically.

“The real question we should all be asking,” James interferes loudly, “is why our two prefects — model students, if you will — committed such a heinous crime by talking in class?” Remus and Lily roll their eyes the same way, the same sarcastic, unimpressed, resting-bitch-face expression as they look at James.

“You two are identical,” Dorcas laughs. Remus and Lily turn to look at each other.

“No, we aren’t,” they say at the same time. They stare at each other wide-eyed and all seven of them burst into laughter.

“Well, that was convincing,” Dorcas says sarcastically.

“Yeah, yeah whatever,” Lily says.

“By the way, have any of you finished the DADA essay for tomorrow?” Dorcas asks.

“Yes,” Lily and Remus say.

“No,” James, Sirius and Marlene say.

“We have an essay due tomorrow?!” Peter exclaims. Dorcas laughs and turns to Marlene.

“You haven’t done it yet?” they ask.

“Nope,” Marlene says. “But it’ll do it with you now.”

“Yeah, we’ll join you too,” James says. Peter nods but Sirius remains impassive. “Right Sirius?”

“Yeah, I suppose.”

“You can’t go landing any more detentions,” Remus says to him, “I’m not wasting any more time with you in there than I have to.”

“Wow, thanks Moony,” Sirius says.

“Did you really expect me to?”

“Nope,” Sirius says. “But that’s okay, I love you anyway.” Remus’ stomach lurches. There it is again. He looks away from Sirius.

“Lils, we should go,” he says. “Prefect rounds and all.”

“Yeah,” she says. “See you guys later.”

“See you!”

“Bye!”

“Have fun.” That makes Remus snort. He exchanges a glance with Lily. Fun was not on the to-do list for today’s prefect tasks.

---------

That Saturday, James was tasked with waking Remus and Sirius up in time for their detention. Remus almost hoped James would sleep in and they’d miss it but of course, that didn’t happen. James never sleeps in.

“Come on, you two,” James says. “Get up. You have to be in detention in an hour.” Remus groans and pulls the covers over his head.

“Moonyyyy,” James says unnecessarily loudly. Then he pulls back Remus’ blanket, exposing Remus to the cold. Remus’ eyes fly open.

“Fuck you, Potter,” he says, reaching to tug his blanket back but James swings it off the bed and drops it on his own.

“Now you have to get up,” James says. “Or go back to sleep blanket-less.” Remus groans again but drags himself out of bed.

“How come you haven’t stolen Sirius’ blanket?” Remus says.

“One step at a time,” James says. “Pads! Wake the fuck up!” Sirius points the middle finger at James and keeps his eyes closed James then does to Sirius exactly what he did to Remus. Sirius sits up and glares at James.

“I will kill you,” he says.

“Run, Moony!” James yells dramatically. “It’s too late for me but you can still save yourself.” Remus laughs despite himself and goes into the bathroom to brush his teeth. Outside, he can hear Peter waking up and telling Sirius that if he had to beat James with pillows he could’ve at least done it quietly.

---------

“Good morning boys,” Slughorn says to Remus and Sirius as they enter his office later that morning. They both nod, unable to return the sentiment. “You’ll be copying these old documents for me today,” Slughorn says. “They’re fraying around the edges but the ink should still be legible enough. Whatever you don’t finish, you can continue after lunch.” Both boys nod and sit down side-by-side, pull out quills, ink and parchment, and start copying the writing on the papers Slughorn gives them.

At first, Slughorn supervises them but he quickly gets bored and turns back to his own work. Soon enough, Remus feels Sirius tap his elbow and sees a piece of parchment sliding across the desk towards him, a note scrawled on it in Sirius’ neat, cursive handwriting.

I swear I’m going to fall asleep on this desk right now. Remus glances at him but Sirius keeps his head down and continues the task at hand. Remus scribbles a note back.

Me too. This is so pointless.

If Minnie knew this is what we were doing during detention she’d flip her shit. Remus stifles a laugh and turns it into a cough when Slughorn looks up.

I don’t think McGonagall ever flips her shit. She’d say it’s unsuitable.

Fair point. She wouldn’t be pleased though.

No, she wouldn’t. But I have to admit that I prefer copying stuff over a “productive detention”.

Yeah, I guess.

The boys continue passing notes back and forth between them throughout the detention, copying document after document for Slughorn in between note-passing. When Slughorn finally releases them for lunch, they go down to the Great Hall.

“I’ll see you boys back here to finish up in an hour,” he says as they walk out the door. Remus can’t suppress an eye roll once out of Slughorn’s sight.

“Merlin, this is stupid,” he says. “We could do this with magic in like 5 minutes.”

“I don’t want to go back there after lunch,” Sirius whines.

“We have to, we’ll just get another detention if we don’t,” Remus says.

“Yeah, I know,” Sirius sighs.

They enter the Great Hall and find their friends already sitting at a table; they sit down beside them.

“Hey,” Peter says. “How was detention?”

“Is,” Remus says, “present tense.” James and Peter look confused.

“It’s not over yet,” Sirius explains.

“What?” James says. “You were there for like three hours.”

“We know,” Remus and Sirius say at the same time.

“What are you doing that takes so long?” James asks.

“Just copying a bunch of old documents,” Sirius grumbles. “It’s the most pointless shit ever.”

“So you have to go back after lunch?” Peter asks.

“Yeah, we have—” Remus glances at his watch, “48 minutes left.”

“That’s so unfair,” Peter says. “How long will you be there?”

“Until we finish, I guess,” Remus says.

“Just ditch,” James says casually.

“If we ditch we’ll just get another detention, genius,” Remus says, rolling his eyes.

“He’ll probably make it longer than this one too,” Sirius says. “But I mean for fuck’s sake. Like we spoke during class, why is he being so dramatic?”

“You’re one to talk,” Remus says.

“I’m not being dramatic!” Sirius says. “This detention is unfair.”

“Oh no, I agree with you there,” Remus says. “But you can’t deny that you’re a drama queen. Possibly the most overdramatic drama queen in this castle.”

“All I’m hearing is that you’re calling me a queen, Moony.” Sirius tosses his hair over his shoulder and flashes Remus a smile.

“That’s not what I—” Remus starts, “oh why do I bother?” But he looks down at his plate to hide his blush and the shy smile he’s trying to fight.

After lunch, they go back to Slughorn’s office and find that he added even more documents for them to copy. They exchange an irritated look but don’t say a word as they sit down and continue copying.

When they finally finish, it’s nearly time for dinner. Remus starts in the direction of the Great Hall but Sirius stops him.

“Wait,” he says. “Do you wanna go somewhere else?”

“Where?” Remus asks suspiciously.

“I don’t know, I don’t want to go to the Great hall,” Sirius says. “What about Hogsmeade?”

“We literally just got out of detention,” Remus says. “Why are you already trying to get us another one?”

“I’m not,” Sirius says. “Look, nobody has to know where we are.”

“People in Hogsmeade will tell the teachers if they see us,” Remus points out.

“Then we’ll change into muggle clothes first, nobody will recognize us,” Sirius says. “Come on, Moony, please. You’ll have a great time, I promise.” Remus still looks hesitant. “I’ll buy you chocolate,” Sirius says. Remus raises his eyebrows at him.

“Are you trying to bribe me?”

“That depends, is it working?” Remus grins and shakes his head.

“Yes,” he sighs. “Alright, let’s go.”

“Yesss,” Sirius says.

They hurry to the common room, change and sneak out of the castle through the tunnel that leads to the Honeydukes cellar while everybody else is at dinner.

“Would you like to cash in your bribe now or later?” Sirius asks when they arrive at the shop.

“Now, I think,” Remus says.

“Take your pick then,” Sirius says, gesturing to the shelves of candy around them.

“I think I’m gonna go for a wand,” Remus says.

“A wand it is,” Sirius says. He buys the chocolate wand and hands it to Remus, who thanks him and starts on the chocolate as they leave the shop.

“So where do you want to go?” Remus asks.

“Well we skipped dinner so do you want to get something to eat?”

“I am eating but sure,” Remus says.

“Chocolate isn’t dinner,” Sirius says. “Let’s go get some substantial food.”

But on their way to the Three Broomsticks, they hear a voice coming from Sirius’ pocket.

“Padfoot!”

“It’s James,” Sirius says. He pulls the mirror he uses to communicate with James out of his pocket. “What’s up, Prongs?”

“Where the hell are you?” he asks. “Is Moony with you?”

“Yes, you nosy person,” Sirius says. “Moony is with me. We’re in Hogsmeade.”

“Why?” Peter asks, appearing in the mirror as well.

“Why not?” Sirius says.

“Is Moony okay?” he asks. “Did you kidnap him?”

“Moony, can you hear me?” James says, over-enunciating each word.

“Yes, I’m fine,” Remus laughs. “I didn’t get kidnapped.”

“Then what the bloody hell are you doing in Hogsmeade?”

“I was bribed with chocolate,” he says, as Sirius points the mirror at him so James and Peter can see Remus eating the chocolate wand.

“I knew you weren’t there of your own free will,” James says. “Oh well. Have fun.”

“Yeah, we won’t wait up,” Peter says. They both laugh and disappear from the mirror. Remus rolls his eyes.

“Should we go back?” he asks.

“Already?” Sirius says. He starts running down the street. Remus laughs and runs after him all the way to the Three Broomsticks.

But when they arrive, it’s crowded and they can’t find a single table. The room is so packed with people that it’s difficult to move through the crowd. Remus feels himself getting shoved back and forth with the crowd, people pushing past him. He starts to get dizzy. He can’t breathe.

“Moony?” Sirius calls over the noise. But Remus can’t say a word. He thinks he’s going to fall over. He feels somebody take his hand and immediately pulls away but it’s only Sirius.

“Come with me,” he says. Remus follows Sirius out of the coffee shop to a nearby bench. “You okay, Rem?” he asks. Remus nods but he still can’t speak.

“You wait here, I’ll get us something to eat, alright?” Remus nods again. Sirius goes back inside and Remus stays on the bench, tucking his knees to his chest and hanging his head. He takes deep breaths and tries to calm down.

Remus doesn’t know how long it takes Sirius to get back but when he does, he’s holding a paper bag, a look of concern on his beautiful face.

“Remus, are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Remus replies quietly.

“Come on, let’s go somewhere with less people,” Sirius says. He offers Remus his hand and Remus takes it. His heart is beating rapidly in his chest but this time it’s not from anxiety. It’s from excitement. Calm the fuck down, he tells himself, this doesn’t mean anything. Friends can hold hands if they want. This changes nothing.

Sirius leads him to a less populated part of the village. The many trees surrounding them and the river snaking past are familiar to Remus from all the times he’d come here with his friends. The area is quiet but for the water flowing in the river; it calms Remus.

“I’m sorry,” he says finally, once he and Sirius are sitting on the grass. “I don’t know what happened.”

“That’s okay, Rem, you have nothing to apologize for,” Sirius says. “How are you feeling?”

“Better,” Remus says.

“Good.” Sirius hugs him. “I love you, Moony. It’ll be okay, yeah?” Remus’ heart clenches and he closes his eyes. There it is again.

“Yeah,” he says. Remus tries to think of something to say — anything — to change the subject but Sirius beats him to it.

“You wanna eat?” he asks.

“Yeah,” Remus says. Sirius tears the paper bag into a large square and puts both of their food on top of it. Remus takes a bite of the sandwich that Sirius put near him. “This is good.”

“I know what you like in your sandwiches, Moony,” Sirius says. “Give me a little credit.” Remus smiles and takes another bite.

They continue talking for a while until the conversation dies out and they eat in silence. Remus doesn’t mind though. He loves spending time with people in silence as long as they don’t feel awkward. There aren’t many people that he can be sure are okay with sitting in silence with him but Sirius is one of them.

They finish their dinner and Remus gets up to throw the wrappers and bags in the trash. When he sits back in the grass, Sirius seems to have thought of something to say.

“That detention was hell.”

“Yeah, it was,” Remus says.

“Did you see that he added more documents after lunch?”

“Yes!” Remus says. “Like where the fuck did he get so many fucking documents?”

“Maybe he wrote some more during lunch,” Sirius jokes. “Just so that we’d have more work.” Remus shakes his head and laughs.

“As if we hadn’t been there long enough,” he says, “I mean, does he really have nothing better to do with his weekend?”

“If that’s true he must have the most boring life,” Sirius says, flopping back on the grass.

“If you get me in trouble in one of his classes again, Sirius, I swear to god.”

“Excuse me!” Sirius says, sitting back up. “I did not get you in trouble, it was your own fault this time.”

“Was it?” Remus says. “It’s been yours so many times I’ve lost track.” Sirius gives an outraged scoff and splashes water at Remus.

“Rude.”

“You mean honest?” Remus says. Sirius laughs and splashes more water on him. “Pads! You’re getting me wet!”

“That was the point, Moons,” Sirius laughs.

“Fine then.” Remus splashes Sirius back and the war breaks out only ending several minutes later when Remus finally pushes Sirius into the river. Sirius climbs out coughing and spluttering.

“What the fuck, Remus?” he says as Remus backs away from the riverbank.

“That’s what happens when you splash me with water.” Sirius shivers.

“Well now I’m cold,” he says.

“Easy fix,” Remus says. He points his wand at Sirius and the water siphons away, leaving Sirius dry again.

“Good, now I get to push you in.” Remus backs away further.

“Ha, yeah right,” he says sarcastically.

“Come on, it’s only fair.”

“Absolutely not.”

“At least sit here with me then,” Sirius says, sitting down on the grass.

“Alright,” Remus says, sitting beside him cautiously. Sirius pulls a fistful of grass out of the floor and throws it at him. Remus grins and brushes the grass off himself. “Are you satisfied with your revenge?”

“Yes.” He lies back down in the grass but quickly sits up. “It’s wet,” he groans. Remus laughs.

“That part is not my fault,” he says but the last word gets cut short by a large yawn.

“Are you tired?”

“A little.” Sirius takes his wrist and looks at his watch. Remus glances at it as well once Sirius releases his hand. It’s nearly midnight.

“Come on,” Sirius says, “let’s get you back to bed.”

They head back through the Honeydukes cellar and arrive at Hogwarts. They sneak back into the castle unnoticed. Remus lets Sirius into the prefect’s bathroom so they can both shower there to avoid waking James and Peter. After showering, they return to the common room, give the password to the Fat Lady and enter the empty room.

“You coming up?” Sirius asks.

“Yeah,” Remus says, “I’m just going to make tea. You can go up though, I’ll be there soon.”

“Okay,” Sirius says.

“Good night, Pads.”

“Good night, Moony. Love you.” Remus blinks and something inside him snaps.

“Sirius, stop saying that,” he says sharply. He doesn’t mean to sound angry at Sirius. He’s not mad. He’s just frustrated with himself and his stupid feelings.

“What? Why?” Sirius asks.

“Because you don’t mean it,” Remus says.

“Of course I mean it,” Sirius says, putting his hand on Remus’ shoulder. His voice is so gentle, so kind that Remus feels a stab of guilt for snapping at him. But guilt can’t subdue the pain. “Moony, you’re my best friend, of course I love you.”

“But not how I love YOU!” Remus yells, jerking Sirius’ hand off. Remus stands for a moment, shaking. Then he realizes what he just said. He doesn’t care. I don’t care, he thinks. I don’t fucking care anymore. But he does. He cares a lot. Because what happens now? What happens when Sirius realizes what Remus means? What happens when Sirius gets uncomfortable and realizes he doesn’t have to stick around for Remus? What happens then? He loves you, says the voice in his head, echoing Lily’s words. He shuts the voice up. It’s done enough damage for tonight.

---------

Saying I love you to his friends hadn’t come naturally for Sirius at first. It wasn’t a phrase that wasn’t heard very often in his household. In fact, he didn’t think anybody had told him that they love him until James had casually said it to him one day. Sirius remembered the first time he’d spent a holiday at the Potter household. The number of times he’d heard the phrase ‘I love you’ being said in those two weeks was more than he’d heard it being said in his entire life and he suddenly understood where James got it from. Slowly, Sirius started picking up the habit. He knew he loved his friends, why shouldn’t they know it too? Sirius wanted to make sure that his friends never felt the way his parents made him feel. So he always told them that he loved them until it became almost a throwaway phrase. It wasn’t that he didn’t mean it; on the contrary, he meant it every single time. He just said it a lot. He said it to James, Remus, Peter, Marlene, Dorcas, Lily, Mary and Alice. All his friends.

But with Remus it was different. With Remus it was never a throwaway phrase. When Sirius tells Remus that he loves him it’s never out of habit; he knows exactly what he’s saying. It’s planned, calculated. With Remus, Sirius had always secretly hoped that maybe, one day, Remus would realize that when Sirius tells him that he loves him, he means it differently than he does with everybody else. But he also dreaded Remus realizing it. What would he do if Remus asked him? He could always brush it off and lie. But a part of him didn’t want to. A part of him — a stupid, naive part of him — held onto the hope that Remus might say it back. One day. Preferably one day soon but you can’t have everything.

All of that was why Sirius couldn’t sort out his emotions that night when Remus finally snapped.

“Good night, Moony. Love you,” Sirius said, his stomach twisting just as it did every time he said it; Remus was the only person left in the room.

“Sirius, stop saying that.” Sirius heard the note of irritation in his voice and it confused him.

“What? Why?” he asked.

“Because you don’t mean it,” Remus said. He sounded angry, frustrated. Sirius knew that Remus had low self-esteem. He knew that Remus struggled to believe that his friends cared for him. That much became clear when Remus was sure that they’d ditch him if they found out about his lycanthropy. And Sirius was determined to show Remus that it wasn’t true.

“Of course I mean it,” Sirius said gently, putting his hand on Remus’ shoulder. “Moony, you’re my best friend, of course I love you.” He swallowed the rest of the sentence. The part of the sentence that explained how much Remus really meant to him.

“But not like I love you!” Remus yelled. Sirius blinked. Remus looked away from him, tears sparking in his eyes.

“W–What?” Sirius said.

“Forget it,” Remus said angrily, turning to go. Sirius caught his hand.

“No,” he said firmly. “No, you can’t just say something like that and then leave. Tell me what you meant.” Remus sighed and looked at Sirius.

“Not like I love you, Sirius,” Remus said. “I know you love me as your best friend. But it’s not the same.” Then Remus looked away again.

“Yes, it is,” Sirius said, his breath catching in his chest as he blurted out the confession he swore he would never tell. “Yes, it is, Remus, it’s exactly the same.” Remus looked up.

“You don’t understand,” Remus said, shaking his head.

“Don’t I?” Sirius said quietly, stepping towards Remus. He took Remus’ face in his hands and brushed Remus’ bottom lip with his thumb. “Can I kiss you?” Remus stared at Sirius, his eyes wide. It took him so long to respond that Sirius was worried he’d blown it, terrified that he’d misunderstood. But then Remus pulled Sirius in, pressing their lips together. Sirius felt Remus’ hands move from his back to his waist, he felt the softness of Remus’ lips on his, the sweet, predictable taste of chocolate and he couldn’t believe it. He couldn’t believe that he was finally kissing Remus. After all those nights that he lay awake imagining what this would be like, he finally gets to experience it in real life. And my god, what an experience. Sirius could’ve stayed there with Remus’ hands in his hair forever and never gotten bored.

When they broke apart after a moment, a minute, an hour, a year, Sirius felt breathless.

“You… this entire time you—” Remus started saying. Apparently, Sirius wasn’t the only one feeling breathless. He nodded.

“You did too.”

“I had no idea,” Remus said.

“Really?” Sirius asked.

“None at all.”

“I always thought I was terrible at hiding it.”

“I thought I was bad at it too.”

“I didn’t know either,” Sirius said, “not until just now.” They stood there staring at each other for a moment. “Can– Can I kiss you again?”

“Yeah,” Remus whispered. Sirius placed his hand gently on Remus’ neck and kissed his lips softly, briefly. He pulled back to look into Remus’ big, round, amber eyes. Remus leaned back in, a noise in his throat like he was aching for more, but before he could press his lips against Sirius’ and lock them together in a kiss, Sirius’ top lip brushed against Remus’ tooth as the former yawned. Remus pulled away.

“Are you tired?” he asked.

“A little,” Sirius said.

“Let’s go upstairs.” Sirius was torn for a moment but he agreed, taking Remus’ hand in his own and threading their fingers together as they walked up the stairs. Remus headed for his bed but Sirius squeezed his hand before he could let go. Remus turned towards him and Sirius gestured to his own bed.

“Join me?” he whispered. “Just for a while?” Remus blushed as he nodded and they both clambered into Sirius’ bed.

“We should probably talk about this, huh?” Remus said.

“Yeah,” Sirius said. “You seem tired though, Moons.”

“A little. You seem tired as well.”

“We’ll talk about it tomorrow, then?”

“Yeah,” Remus said.

They closed their eyes and lay in bed for a while. Sirius was almost asleep when he heard Remus’ sleepy voice from beside him. From the sound of it, Remus was nearly asleep too.

“Sirius?” he said. His eyes remained closed.

“Yeah?”

“Can you promise me something?”

“Of course, love, anything,” Sirius said. He realized the nickname a second too late but all Remus did was smile and press his forehead against Sirius’.

“Promise me this won't disappear when we wake up tomorrow,” Remus said.

“Of course not,” Sirius said. He almost laughed. As if he could walk away from this now. He couldn’t if he tried.

“Promise?” Remus asked.

“I promise.”

“I don’t want it to be a dream,” Remus whispered.

“It’s not,” Sirius whispered back. “It’s real. Tomorrow you’ll see.”

“Okay. Sirius?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too, Moony.”

And Sirius knew, he just knew, that he would never forget tonight. He would never forget this moment.

#Remus Lupin #remus lupin fluff #Sirius Black #sirius black fluff #Moony #Padfoot #wolfstar #WOLFSTAR FLUFF #wolfstar fanfic #Wolfstar fanfiction #wolfstar oneshot #remus x sirius #sirius x remus #Marauders #marauders era #marauders fanfiction #marauders one shot

278 notes · View notes

marauders-venting · 2 years

Note

Hey! I love your work so much! I read your stories on Instagram! Could you please write a fan fic where Sirius proposes to Remus? I would love to read that from you!

xoxo!

hi! thank you so much

thanks for the idea, it gave me an ending for my last post for remus' birthday that i really needed!

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marauders-venting · 2 years

Text

A Starlit Birthday

pairing: wolfstar (remus x sirius)

genre: fluff

warnings: brief mentions of drinking alcohol

words: 3626

a/n: thank you to @danistrawberry-blog for letting me write this fic based on her post!!

i know remus’ birthday was 2 days ago but i had a very busy 2 days and no time to edit so happy belated birthday to moony!!

“Good morning, love,” Sirius said. Remus rolled over in bed and pulled the blanket back over his head. “I know you’re awake, Rem,” Sirius added with a laugh.

“Only in the physical sense,” Remus groaned. “Mentally I’m still asleep.”

“Well, it’s past noon,” Sirius said. Remus didn’t seem to care because he didn’t move a muscle and kept his eyes closed. “Lily’s here to take you to the bookstore.” That got Remus’ attention. He turned back to face Sirius and found that he was not, in fact, still in bed. Sirius was standing at the foot of the bed, fully dressed with a cup of coffee in his hand.

“What are you doing up?” Remus asked, confused.

“Oh y’know,” Sirius said, “planning.” Remus raised an eyebrow at him.

“Planning what exactly?” he asked.

“If I told you, I would lose the element of mystery and surprise,” Sirius said. “So I think I’m gonna keep this one a secret for a little longer.”

“You know that only makes me more curious, right?” Remus said.

“That’s the whole point,” Sirius grinned.

“Evil,” Remus said.

“I made you coffee,” Sirius said, holding out the cup as though it were a peace offering. Remus sat up and took it.

“Thanks.”

“By the way, Moony,” Sirius started, sitting down next to Remus, “happy birthday.” He kissed Remus on the cheek and Remus turned to him, smiling.

“Thanks,” he said, taking Sirius’ hand. “So when do I get to find out what you’re planning?”

“All in good time, darling,” Sirius said, grinning mischievously.

“Nothing insane,” Remus said.

“So we can’t ride into the sunset on the back of a fire breathing dragon?” Sirius said.

“I honestly can’t tell if that was sarcastic or not,” Remus said.

“You’ll see, Moony,” Sirius said, grinning.

“Sirius!” Remus said.

“Okay, I won’t make you ride a living dragon,” he said. “Now go to the bookstore! Lily’s waiting for you.”

“Alright, alright,” Remus said. “I never thought you’d have to tell me twice to go to a bookstore.” Sirius laughed.

Remus changed, took his half-full cup of coffee and went into the living room where Lily and James were seated on the couch.

“‘Morning,” he said.

“Hardly,” Lily replied. “It’s past noon, Rem.”

“Are you surprised by this?” he asked.

“I’m not,” James said. “I lived with you for seven years, I know your sleeping schedule is fucked beyond repair.”

“Thank you, James, you’re so nice,” Remus said.

“You’re very welcome, Moony,” James said. “Also, happy birthday!”

“Thanks,” Remus said. “I was told I’m being taken to the bookstore?”

“Indeed, you are,” Lily said. “So finish your coffee and let’s go. We’ve got bookshelves to empty.”

“James, are you coming with us?” Remus asked.

“Nope,” James said. “I’m staying here to help Sirius.”

“I get the feeling this isn’t going good places,” Remus said.

“Come on, Moony, don’t you trust us?” Sirius said, entering the room.

“No,” Remus snorted. “Absolutely not.”

“Don’t worry, I set ground rules,” Lily said. “They know exactly how far they are allowed to take this. Don’t you, James?”

“Yeah, yeah,” James said. “We’ll follow all the rules and we won’t do anything stupid. Now go have fun.”

“Okay,” Remus said. “See you later. And don’t go crazy.”

“Relax, Moony, everything will be fine,” Sirius said, kissing him on the cheek. “Bye.”

“Bye.”

As soon as they walked into the bookstore, Lily grabbed Remus’ arm.

“Oh my god, the smell of books,” she whispered excitedly. Remus grinned.

“I know,” Remus said. “It’s the best smell in the world.”

“This and Sirius’ shampoo,” Lily said. Remus raised his eyebrows at her. “Oh come on, you know you love it.”

“How do you even know what it smells like?”

“I borrowed it once,” she explained, but this only made Remus more skeptical. “Oh alright, I stole it when he wasn’t looking.”

“There we go,” Remus laughed. They started looking at the books around them, brushing their fingers against the spines of the pretty ones simply because they couldn’t resist. “You’re right though, it smells amazing. Maybe because he spends a fortune on it. I’m pretty sure if our house was on fire and Sirius could only save one thing it would be that shampoo.”

“It’s Sirius and haircare,” Lily said. “What do you expect?” Remus laughed.

“The best part is that if he was here right now, he’d agree with us,” Remus said. “He’s fully aware of his hair obsession and he thinks it’s justified.”

“Buy him a haircare book,” Lily suggested.

“You’re joking right?” Remus said.

“I mean a little,” Lily said, “but like why not?”

“Lils, I’m still not entirely sure Sirius knows how to read,” Remus joked. Lily hit him in the arm.

“You’re so mean,” she said.

“Tell me I’m wrong then,” Remus said.

“You’re not though,” she laughed. “Still mean.”

“Wait, what about James’ shampoo?” Remus asked.

“What about it?”

“Sirius’ smells better?”

“Why are you saying that like it’s a question when you know it’s a fact?”

“James and Sirius are equally obsessed with their hair though.”

“True,” Lily said. “But there’s a difference. Sirius’ obsession with his hair leads to fabulous hair. James’ obsession with his hair leads to nothing. His hair is always a mess and he thinks it looks good.”

“Have you said this to him?” Remus said, laughing.

“Multiple times,” Lily said. “Not that Sirius’ hair looks better, I don’t want to start a war but I have said that his hair looks like a mop.” Remus laughed.

“And I’m the mean one,” he said, rolling his eyes. “Bit harsh don’t you think?”

“I tell the truth like it is,” she shrugged.

“Oh come on, James’ hair isn’t that bad,” Remus said. Lily thought about it for a moment.

“No, no it’s definitely bad,” she said. “But in an adorable sort of way, y’know?”

“Okay, that was all you, I never said adorable,” Remus said. “Oh wow, look at this.” He pulled one of the books off the shelf and ran his finger across the spine. It was a cloth-covered, hardcover book with beautiful, intricate, textured details.

“That’s absolutely gorgeous,” Lily said as Remus handed her the book. “Do you want it?”

“Yes,” Remus said without hesitation. “I haven’t even looked at the title but yes. It’s too pretty to not buy.” Lily laughed.

“True,” she sighed. “But maybe read the blurb anyway.”

Once they finished looking through the beautiful collection of hardcover books that turned out to be old classics (most of which they already owned), Remus and Lily started looking for other books they’d heard of and had been wanting to read.

They spent almost three hours in the bookstore, looking for new books, talking about old books and recommending books to each other. They only consented to make a final decision and leave the store when James and Sirius arrived to force them. Lily paid for both of their books and they let James and Sirius drag them out of the bookstore.

“Best present ever,” Remus said, looking at his new book haul and grinning.

“Should it concern me that you’ve already decided that?” Sirius said, putting an arm around Remus’ waist. Remus smiled and was about to reply when he stopped dead.

“What is Elvendork doing here?” he asked, gesturing to Sirius’ motorcycle that was standing in a parking spot near the sidewalk. “And why did you paint them to look like a dragon?”

“I’m taking you somewhere,” Sirius said. “And I promised you we wouldn’t ride a living dragon.”

“Okay,” Remus said. “So let’s Apparate.”

“No, no we have to ride Elvendork,” Sirius said.

“No way.”

“Moony,” Sirius said. “Come on, it wasn’t on the list.”

“You’re telling me that riding a fucking motorbike wasn’t on the list of things you shouldn’t plan for today?” Remus said.

“Yep,” Sirius said. Remus looked at Lily for confirmation.

“What?” Lily said. “It’ll be cool.”

“You ride it then,” Remus said.

“Oh, hell no,” Lily said.

“Well, I have a bag full of books,” Remus said. “We can’t take that on the motorcycle.”

“We’ll drop it off at your apartment for you,” Lily said.

“Goddamn it, Lily, my only excuse,” Remus said.

“Come on, Moony, it’ll be fun,” Sirius said. “You know I wouldn’t suggest it if it wasn’t safe.” Remus considered that for a moment. “Pretty please,” Sirius pouted.

“Oh alright,” Remus conceded. “Just this once.”

“Come on then,” Sirius said. Lily took the books from Remus with a promise that they’d drop them off at their apartment before going home.

“Have fun,” she said.

“Yeah, have fun guys,” James said. Sirius helped Remus onto the bike and gave him a helmet that had a party hat painted on it that said ‘birthday boy’.

“Was the party hat necessary?” Remus asked, putting it on, but he was grinning.

“Absolutely,” Sirius said, starting the engine. Remus wrapped his arms around Sirius’ waist and held on tight.

“Oh James, by the way,” Remus said before Sirius started driving, “Lily thinks Sirius’ hair looks better than yours.”

“Hey!” James said, indignant.

“Remus Lupin, I swear to god I’m going to murder you!”

“Drive, drive, drive!” Remus yelled to Sirius as Lily approached them. The engine roared as Sirius sped away and Remus laughed and yelled back at them, “karma’s a bitch.”

The wind whipped in his ear but Remus could still hear Sirius laughing over the noisy street. Remus was laughing as well until he realized he was on a moving motorcycle. He tried very hard not to scream. He tightened his grip around Sirius’ waist and buried his face in Sirius’ shoulder. The smell of Sirius (and his shampoo) and the feel of his steady pulse calmed Remus down a little. Somehow, Sirius’ presence managed to make Remus feel safe even when he was on a 200-kilo death trap going at 100 kilometers an hour.

Remus felt the road beneath them get bumpier and he opened his eyes to see where they were. They’d strayed from the street and now seemed to be going uphill on an unpaved road. Remus wanted to ask where they were going but he doubted that Sirius would hear him over the sound of the engine.

Sirius kept driving until the ground levelled out and became flat again. Suddenly, without warning, Sirius picked up the speed and turned so sharply that the whole bike tilted on its side. Remus shrieked incoherent profanities until Sirius slowed the bike to a stop. He offered Remus a hand but Remus slid off without taking it, shaking his head and pulling off his helmet.

“Follow me,” Sirius said, cheerfully as though he hadn’t just done a crazy motorcycle trick and given Remus a heart attack.

“I’m gonna fucking kill you,” Remus said.

“Not if Lily kills you first,” Sirius said.

“I’m never getting on that thing again.”

“I guess you’ll just have to walk home then,” Sirius shrugged.

“I’d rather walk home than risk my fucking life again,” Remus said.

“Oh Moony, always such a drama queen,” Sirius said.

“I am not being—” Remus stopped dead. On the floor in front of him was a picnic blanket, a big basket on top and a candlestick with a flickering flame, a glass cylinder protecting it from the chilly winds. The picnic was on a cliffside overlooking a beach. Remus looked over the fenced edge at the icy blue sea, waves crashing on the sandy white beach. He turned back to Sirius.

“Pads, what is this?” he asked. Sirius slid his arms around his boyfriend’s waist.

“Happy birthday, Remus,” he said quietly.

“This is—” Remus looked back at the beautiful view and the surprise Sirius prepared, “this is amazing, Sirius.”

“Nah, it was nothing,” Sirius said but Remus shook his head.

“It’s definitely not nothing,” he said. “I love it. Thank you.” Sirius grinned and pressed a light kiss to his lips. He took Remus by the hands and pulled him towards the picnic blanket.

“Come eat,” he said. They sat down on the floor, knees overlapping, and Sirius opened the basket and started pulling things out.

“Spaghetti?” Remus said, eyeing the box.

“Yep,” Sirius said. Remus raised his eyebrows at Sirius. “Why? What’s wrong with spaghetti?”

“Nothing, spaghetti is great,” Remus said. “But I’m assuming you didn’t make it yourself.”

“You assumed wrong, Moony,” Sirius said.

“You made food?” Remus said. “Did you burn down our kitchen?”

“Such a pessimist,” Sirius said. “Is it impossible that I made food and nothing bad happened?”

“Yes,” Remus said. “Absolutely.”

“Excuse you,” Sirius said. “I can cook.”

“Need I remind you of the scrambled eggs incident?”

“That was like a million years ago!” Sirius protested.

“It was less than two months ago,” Remus laughed. “So do we still have a kitchen or not?” He bumped his nose against Sirius’ forehead and Sirius smiled and let out a little laugh.

“Yes, we still have a kitchen,” Sirius said. “I even made sauces and stuff. Now taste the food and tell me what you think.” He handed Remus a plate with spaghetti and creamy pesto sauce that he heated with his wand.

“Oh my god,” Remus said, taking a bite. “Padfoot, since when can you cook?”

“You like it?” Sirius said.

“Yeah, it’s really good,” Remus said. “You made this sauce?”

“Yep,” Sirius said proudly.

“Well then I’m sorry I underestimated your cooking skills,” Remus said.

“Nah it’s alright,” Sirius said. “To be fair, I practiced this a lot. Lily and James’ kitchen suffered the consequences.” Remus laughed. “I’m really glad you like it though.”

“Try some too,” Remus said. Sirius piled some spaghetti onto his plate but instead of eating it with a fork, he took a single string of pasta, tied a knot in it and ate it.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Remus asked, laughing.

“It tastes better like this,” Sirius said, shrugging.

“How exactly?” Remus said.

“It just does,” Sirius said, taking another string of spaghetti and attempting to tie a third knot in it but breaking it instead.

“You can’t try the sauce when you’re eating it like this,” Remus asked. Sirius considered this.

“Good point,” he said. He poured the sauce on his pasta and pulled out a fork.

“See now you have to eat like a normal human being,” Remus said. But then Sirius slurped up the spaghetti, spraying the pesto sauce in every direction. Mostly on his face. Remus sighed, wiping a fleck of sauce off his arm. “I spoke too soon.”

“Face it, Moony,” Sirius said. “Spaghetti is not the kind of food you’re meant to eat ‘normally’. You’re supposed to eat it like you’re six years old and you want to piss your parents off by not having any table manners during dinner.” Remus laughed.

“Whatever you say, Pads,” he said.

When they’d finished eating, Sirius cleaned the dishes with his wand and put everything back into the basket.

“Come here,” he said, tugging Remus’ arm towards him and gesturing for Remus to lie down. Remus complied, laying on Sirius’ lap and looking up at the vast sky above him. The sun had begun to set, painting the sky a brilliant orange. Remus watched as the colours changed above his head, thinking up beautiful prose about it in his head that he’d forget by the time he found some paper to write them down. Sirius was running his fingers through Remus’ curls, silently staring at his boyfriend, whose eyes were glittering in the sun’s weak rays, the freckles scattered across the bridge of his nose all the more noticeable.

“I love you, y’know,” Sirius said, out-of-the-blue. Remus turned his head towards Sirius and smiled, his cheeks warming.

“I love you too,” he said. “Thank you for this. All of this. It’s amazing.”

“I still have one more surprise for you,” Sirius said. “But only if… only if you want it.” Remus sat up.

“Pads, this is already perfect,” Remus said, sitting up.

“How could it be perfect without chocolate cake?” Sirius said. He pulled out his wand and the cake started hovering out of the basket and towards them, candles in the shape of letters spelling out ‘happy birthday’ flickering on top. Sirius started singing and when he finished, cut two slices of cake and poured them each a glass of champagne.

“You were right,” Remus said, biting into the cake, “this makes it more perfect.”

“I knew it,” Sirius said. “That wasn’t the surprise though.” Remus cocked his head at Sirius questioningly.

“What is it then?” he asked curiously.

“Come with me and you’ll see,” Sirius said, standing up and holding out a hand to Remus. Remus finished his last bite of cake and let Sirius help him up.

Sirius leads him to the edge of the cliff and leans against the fence.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” he says. “The sky at night.”

“Yeah, it is,” Remus says.

“The stars, the moon,” Sirius continues. “All of it.” Remus hesitates before replying and looks over at Sirius.

“I feel like you’re leading somewhere with this,” he says. Sirius turns to face him.

“Well, I am,” he says. “I was going to say it’s beautiful. Like us.” Remus lets out a little laugh. “I meant…” Sirius continued, biting his lip, “like what we have. Our relationship. It’s beautiful.” Remus’ smile softened. “And… and… God, I’m terrible at this, aren’t I?” He lets out a nervous laugh and Remus waits, taking Sirius’ hand and squeezing it gently. “Remus, I… I want it to be like this all the time. This, you and me. I want us to be together for… well, forever. And I know I’m not that good with words. I don’t write pretty little poems in my head—” Remus blushes, “and I’m not the best at saying what I feel. But I’ve never loved anybody as much as I love you. And when I’m with you I feel like… like I’m the happiest I could ever be. So…” Sirius squeezes Remus’ hand before letting go and reaching into his pocket. He gets down on one knee and Remus claps his hands to his mouth.

“Oh my god,” Remus says quietly.

“Remus Lupin,” he says, “will you marry me and make me the gayest man alive?”

“Oh my god, Sirius.” Remus falls to his knees, tears in his eyes and hugs Sirius tightly. Because for the first time in his life, Remus has no words. He’s forgotten how to speak, how to verbally communicate thoughts and feelings. So instead, he pulls back and looks deep into Sirius’ eyes, caressing his cheek with his thumb before kissing him, slowly first but then Sirius wraps his hands around Remus’ neck, kissing him back, kissing him deeply. Remus scoots closer to Sirius, sliding his hands into Sirius’ hair and kissing Sirius like his life depends on it.

When they break apart, Remus rests his forehead against Sirius’ and lets out a soft laugh.

“I can’t believe you just proposed to me with a fucking pun,” he says, his eyes still closed.

“I can’t believe you still haven’t answered my question,” Sirius says, briefly pressing his lips to Remus’. Remus opens his eyes and locks them on Sirius, who’s staring right back.

“Of course, I’ll marry you,” he says breathlessly. “Was there ever a question?”

“Well I had to ask, didn’t it?” Sirius says, grinning broadly, tears of ecstasy pricking his eyes. He pulls the ring out of its box. On the outside, it’s a regular silver wedding band but Remus catches a glimpse of something on the inside. He looks closer and sees that the inside of the ring is engraved. ☾ to my ★. Sirius places the ring on Remus’ finger before wiping away the tears rolling down Remus’ cheeks, kissing his nose and pulling him into a hug.

“I love you, Sirius,” Remus whispers in his ear. “I love you so, so much.”

“I love you more.”

“Not possible,” Remus says. Sirius starts to reply but Remus shuts him up with another kiss.

The rest of the night was spent kissing and talking and kissing and eating chocolate cake and kissing and laying under the sparkling night sky and kissing some more. When Remus finally admitted he was getting tired, the sun had long gone down.

“Yeah, I suppose we should head back,” Sirius said, packing up their things with a wave of his wand and Vanishing it. “I don’t want to be tired while riding Elvendork.”

“Didn’t you drink?” Remus said as Sirius buckled his helmet and climbed on the motorcycle. “Maybe we shouldn’t ride home.”

“I only had half a glass of champagne and that was nearly two hours ago,” Sirius said. “I’m completely sober, don’t worry.”

“I’m worrying anyway,” Remus said.

“Don’t you trust your fiance, Moony?” Sirius said. Remus sighed and climbed onto the motorcycle, taking the hand Sirius was offering him. He put on his helmet and wrapped his arms around Sirius’ waist.

“I like how that sounds,” he said in Sirius’ ear.

“So do I,” Sirius said, turning to flash Remus a smile.

“No tricks this time,” Remus said.

“I make no promises,” Sirius said, starting the engine. “But I won’t do any more drifts.”

“Sirius,” Remus said, trying to sound firm. Sirius started driving down the street. The sound of the engine ripped through the calm, late-night silence but it was nothing to Remus’ screech of terror and excitement as Sirius reared the motorcycle on its back wheel.

“HOLY FUCKING SHIT SIRIUS BLACK!” Sirius returned the bike to both wheels and slowed to a stop at a red light.

“It’ll be Sirius Lupin now,” he said. “If you agree.” Remus could do nothing but smile widely and kiss Sirius’ neck.

“Of course,” he said, “Sirius Lupin.”

a/n: also wanted to give credit to @mysticgiverdelusion who requested that i write sirius proposing to remus and gave me an ending for this fic!

Currently thinking abt Siruis convincing Remus to go on a motorcycle ride with him.

At first Moony would be like no absolutely not, but we all know he can't deny Sirius anything (and it doesn't hurt that he woukd have to hold on to Sirius from behind ;) ). Then they end up going on a super fun ride and despite Remus screaming his head off when Sirius does some weird trick, he's having the time of his life. Then Sirius lands at a cliff overlooking the beach, where there's a lovely candelight picnic waiting for them. Remus is absolutely blown away and blushing like crazy and after he regains the ability to form sentences they end up having a super romantic dinner.

I'm not a writer so this is more of a trope than an actual storyline, but if someone could make this into an actual story I would love that! <33

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marauders-venting · 2 years

Note

I don’t know if you’ve written this already, but I think Lily telling James and co that she’s pregnant and then the gender reveal etc. would be great. :)

hi :) sorry this took me so long to reply to, I forgot my inbox exists 🥲

I have a similar fic that I wrote for Lily’s birthday called ‘the happiest of birthdays’ :) she only tells James and there’s no gender reveal but I think that’s as close as I’m going to get for the time being, sorry :/

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marauders-venting · 2 years

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flashback to my first tumblr post exactly a year ago!!! I can’t believe it’s been a year already,,, I was so nervous when I posted it ahaha. thank you so much to all of you who stuck around for a year and all of you who’ve joined along the way. all the notes and the follows mean so much to me, it’s still absurd to me that people actually read what I write. love y’all, thank you 💜💜

anywayyy happy birthday to remyyy <33 everything in this post is still 100% true and I will also post something tomorrow for Remus’ birthday (or later today I suppose,,,,, after I sleep basically)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO REMUS MY FAVORITE CHARACTER OF ALL TIME!!!!! 🎈🎁🎂🎉🎊 Remus is my ultimate comfort character and i love him so much and in honor of his birthday I would just like to say that he is still totally alive along with all of his friends and he is totally married to sirius and everybody is happy (voldemort who?) and anyone who says otherwise can say so tomorrow when I’m ready to be sad about the marauders again

I also wanna say that in honor of Remus’ birthday I wrote a little wolfstar oneshot that I might post if I can work up the courage to do it

(wow my first tumblr post. it’s very fitting that my first tumblr post is about Remus. I’m so excited. and also nervous. probably more nervous than I should be seeing as I have zero followers but. oh well. also just to be clear I am new to tumblr and have absolutely no clue if I’m doing this right so please feel free to correct me if you see this post)

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marauders-venting · 2 years

Text

Prongslet & His Family

pairing: wolfstar (remus x sirius)

genre: fluff

warnings: brief mentions of death and grief

words: 4707

a/n: this was a request from @ barsha3447 on instagram and @moonyandandy on tumblr!!

Sirius was crossing the parking lot to Harry’s kindergarten. He could feel the eyes of some of the parents staring at him, judging him, but that just made him smirk and hold his head higher. He leaned against the wall and checked his watch. Harry should be out any minute now.

As soon as the door to the classroom opened, the kids came spilling out. Harry ran at Sirius and jumped into his arms. Sirius picked him up and kissed the top of his head.

“Uncle Padfoot!” Harry said. “Look what I drew.” He held out a piece of paper far too close to Sirius’ face. Sirius leaned his head back a little and looked at the drawing. It was a stick figure holding a proportionally over-large chocolate bar. And next to the stick figure was something that Sirius assumed was supposed to be him in his animagus form. In between the two was another stick figure, a much smaller one, with a lightning bolt scar on his forehead.

“Miss Amy told us to draw our family,” Harry said. Sirius felt his heart twinge. On one hand, it made him so happy that Harry had drawn them as a family. But on the other, Sirius couldn’t help but feel that it should be Lily and James in that drawing.

“It’s really good,” Sirius told him. “You’re a great artist, Prongslet.” Sirius had only gone back to using the nickname recently. The reminder had been too heavy for the first few years after Lily and James’ death. But now Harry was almost 6 years old and Sirius wanted him to remember his parents. He wanted Harry to know how similar he is to James. And Sirius thought James would appreciate it. He owed James that, at least. “Come on, Harry, let’s go to the car.”

“Bye-bye, Neville,” Harry said, waving to Neville who was standing beside his grandmother showing her his own drawing. Remus and Sirius had, after much persuasion, convinced Augusta to send Neville to the same kindergarten as Harry. That way they’d both have a familiar face with them at their new school. Now Neville and Harry had playdates almost every day.

“Bye-bye, Harry,” Neville said, smiling and waving back.

Sirius took Harry back to the car and strapped him into the booster seat in the back.

“We have to go to the supermarket, Harry,” Sirius said, “because Uncle Moony said we should go yesterday and we didn’t. But I’ll let you pick out something yummy if you behave the whole time, okay?”

“Okay,” Harry said excitedly.

When they got to the supermarket, Sirius loaded a cart with everything they needed and then waited with surprising patience as Harry debated whether he wanted gummy worms or Smarties.

“Uncle Padfoot,” Harry said, turning away from the candy and looking up at his godfather, “can we visit Uncle Moony’s work today?”

“Uncle Moony has a lot to do today, Harry,” Sirius said. Remus had told him that morning that he’d be home late; he had loads of essays to mark before his students had to sit their exams. Sirius didn’t want to disturb him if he was under pressure.

“We can bring him something yummy to cheer him up!” Harry said, holding up a large bar of chocolate. Sirius smiled at him.

“Okay, we’ll surprise him then,” Sirius said. Remus’ last class of the day ended soon anyway; Sirius had memorized his schedule by now. “But we can’t stay there too long, Harry. Hey, if we’re going into Hogsmeade, why don’t we buy candy at Honeydukes instead? Remember the store with the chocolate frogs?”

“Yeah, I want the froggies!” Harry said.

Once they’d paid for their groceries and arrived at home, Sirius put everything away and held Harry’s hand.

“Do you remember how we did this last time?” Sirius asked him.

“Yes,” Harry said. “I need to hold Uncle Padfoot’s hand very, very tight and close my eyes so I don’t get dizzy.”

“Right,” Sirius said. “Are you ready?”

“Yeah,” Harry said. He squeezed Sirius’ hands as tightly as he could and Sirius Disapparated.

Sirius breathed a sigh of relief when he saw Harry standing in one piece. Apparating with Harry always made him nervous, despite being assured that it was safe many times, and he tried to avoid it as much as possible.

“Are you okay, Harry?” Sirius asked.

“Yup!” Harry said. He looked around excitedly, staring in wonder at the enormous castle looming in the distance. Then he turned back to Sirius. “Candy shop!” Then he ran off in the direction of Honeydukes. Sirius laughed and hurried after him. He followed Harry into the shop where the little boy was staring at the candy on the walls.

“You want a chocolate frog?” Sirius asked.

“Can I have a wand?” Harry asked.

“Of course,” Sirius said. “Chocolate or liquorice?”

“Chocolate!” Harry said.

“You take after Moony,” Sirius grinned. He bought one wand for Harry, one for Remus and a packet of Acid Pops. If they were already here he might as well.

“Ready to see Uncle Moony?” Sirius asked once everything was paid for.

“Yeah!” Harry said. Sirius put a finger on his lips indicating that Harry should be quiet and led him to the back of the store, unnoticed by the cashier who had turned to help another customer. Sirius opened the cellar that led to the tunnel connecting Hogsmeade and Hogwarts. He dropped inside and carried Harry into the tunnel as well.

“Uncle Pads, where are we going?” Harry whispered as Sirius sealed it once more.

“To see Uncle Moony,” Sirius said, a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. “Too bad we don’t have the map anymore. Oh well, it’s no big deal. Come on, Harry.”

“This isn’t the way to Uncle Moony’s work,” Harry said.

“This, Harry, is a secret path to Hogwarts,” Sirius said.

“Really?” Harry said, his eyes wide.

“Yep.”

“If it’s a secret, how do you know it?” Harry asked.

“You’re old enough now to hear the story, I think,” Sirius said. Harry immediately stood up straighter to make himself look taller and older. “When I was at school, me, your dad and your Uncle Moony used to wander around the castle and we discovered this secret tunnel and lots of other secret tunnels.”

“You did?” Harry asked.

“Yeah,” Sirius said.

“Even my dad?”

“Yeah, even your dad,” Sirius said. “It was your dad’s idea to make a map.”

“It was?”

“Uncle Moony helped him with the magic because he’s very smart but your dad and me were the ones who found most of the places together.”

“That’s so cool!” Harry said. “Uncle Pads, was my dad cool?” Sirius almost laughed. James was one of the biggest dorks he’d ever known. But maybe Harry didn’t need to know that quite yet.

“He sure thought he was,” Sirius said. He thought Harry might ask what that meant but he seemed satisfied.

“Were you and my dad best friends?” Harry asked. Sirius felt a lump in his throat. It had been nearly six years since Lily and James had died but this still happened sometimes. Normally, Sirius could talk about them. It wasn’t as bad as it was in the beginning. But sometimes, Sirius still felt like he did then. Helpless without his best friends. Unable to accept that he would never see them again. That Harry would never see them. Sometimes Sirius felt like he would break down at any mention of them. But he couldn’t do that here. So he cleared his throat and answered Harry’s question.

“Yeah,” Sirius said. “He was my best friend. He was like my brother, your dad.” Sirius didn’t think he could keep talking about James but Harry just smiled and started running down the tunnel. Sirius took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment. It’s okay. It’s okay. Remus’ soothing voice echoed through his head. Sirius opened his eyes and looked at the tunnel walls around him. He chose, instead, to remember all of the happy times he’d had in here. With James, with Lily, with Remus. Sirius kept walking down the tunnel; Harry would be waiting for him. He ran his fingers across the wall as he walked until he found what he was looking for: the letter ‘M’ clumsily carved into the stone wall. Sirius traced the letter with his thumb. The Marauders. He smiled. It’ll be okay.

When Harry and Sirius reached the end of the tunnel and emerged from the hump of the one-eyed witch statue, they headed straight for the staff room. However, on their way there, they were stopped by a familiar voice.

“Mr Black,” said Professor McGonagall from behind him.

“Professor!” Sirius said, turning around with a grin on his face.

“I’m not your teacher anymore, Sirius,” she said.

“Old habit,” Sirius shrugged.

“As I seem to recall,” she started, “during your time here as a student you hardly ever referred to me as your professor, rather you favoured certain nicknames.”

“Well you can’t deny that ‘Minnie’ suits you,” Sirius said. She gave an exasperated sigh but Sirius saw her smile behind the strict lines of her face. “Besides,” he added, “I’m not Mr Black anymore, either.” He flashed his wedding ring in her direction.

“Quite right,” she said, with a small smile. “What are you doing here, Sirius?”

“Aren’t you glad to see me, Minnie?” Sirius grinned but she held the stern gaze. “You’re going to give me detention, aren’t you?”

“As much as I would like to, I’m afraid that’s not within my power anymore,” McGonagall said.

“Such a shame,” Sirius said. “Harry wanted to see his Uncle Remus, didn’t you, Harry?” Sirius added, answering her question at last.

“Well hello there, Harry,” she said. Everything about McGonagall — from her expression to her stance to her voice — softened as she addressed the small boy who was holding his godfather’s hand and hiding shyly behind his leg. “You’ve gotten so big since the last time I saw you. Did you come to see your Uncle Remus?”

“We brought him some chocolate,” Harry said, coming out from behind Sirius and showing her the chocolate wand.

“You did? How thoughtful of you,” she said. “He should be in the staff room by now; he’s finished all his classes, I think. Come with me.” Sirius and Harry followed McGonagall to the staff room. Remus wasn’t there but, much to Sirius’ dismay, Severus Snape was. Sirius resolved to ignore him but the way he was glaring at Harry was infuriating. What could a five-year-old he had never met have possibly done to him?

“Remus must still be in his classroom,” McGonagall said. “I assume you know where it is?”

“Yeah,” Sirius said.

“Would you like a biscuit, Harry?” she said.

“Yes please,” Harry said politely. McGonagall waved her wand and a jar of cookies appeared in her hand. It was the one she normally kept in her office. She handed a biscuit to Harry who took it in both his hands and took a bite.

“Thank you,” he said.

“Come on, Harry,” Sirius said. “Let’s go find Uncle Moony.”

“Yay!” Harry said, taking Sirius’ hand and following him out of the room but not before Sirius could throw a death glare at Snape the Insufferable.

When Sirius knocked on the door of Remus’ classroom and heard his husband’s voice say ‘come in’, he did not expect to walk into a classroom full of students. The surprised look on Remus’ face said that he had not expected his guests either. Harry, however, was unbothered by the students and ran to the front of the room to Remus yelling, “Uncle Moony!”

He jumped into Remus’ arms, who caught him, lifted him and kissed his head, the expression of surprise turning into a smile.

“Hi, Harry,” Remus said. “What are you doing here?”

“We came to say hello and also to bring you chocolate but not to stay for long because Uncle Pads said you’re very busy today.”

“Thank you, Harry, that’s very sweet of you,” Remus said, taking the chocolate wand. With Harry in his arms, he walked over to the doorway where Sirius stood.

“This is a pleasant surprise,” he said in a quiet voice.

“It was all Harry’s idea,” Sirius said. “But I thought your classes were over for today, I’m sorry.”

“No, no it’s alright,” Remus said. “Technically my classes for the day are over. This is an optional study session for my seventh-years because they have their NEWTs soon.”

“Oh,” Sirius said. “So I memorized your schedule right?”

“Yes you did,” Remus laughed.

“Well, we’ll leave you to it now,” Sirius said. But before he left, Sirius pressed a kiss to Remus’ lips that lasted quite a bit longer than Remus would’ve liked his students to see. It was only when Harry, who had put both of his little hands over his eyes, loudly said, “Ewwww!” that they finally broke apart. There was a ripple of laughter from the class in between the whispers.

“Well that was professional,” Remus whispered, sarcastically to Sirius.

“I’m just making sure everybody knows you have the hottest husband in the world,” Sirius whispered back.

“I think you got the message across pretty well,” Remus said with a small grin.

“Come one, Harry,” Sirius said, no longer bothering to whisper.

“Bye, Uncle Moony,” Harry said.

“Bye, Harry. See you at home, Pads.”

“See ya, Rem. Good luck with your NEWTs, kids. Try not to fail. But if you do, just do what I did.”

“Which is?” called one girl.

“Marry the smartest person in the year,” Sirius said, winking at Remus.

---------

As soon as Sirius left the room, chatter broke out.

“Professor, who was that?”

“His husband, idiot.”

“I didn’t know you were married, sir.”

“Was the little boy your son?”

“Didn’t you hear him say ‘Uncle’?”

“Alright, alright,” Remus called loudly. “Let’s get back to studying.”

---------

“Harry, it’s bedtime,” Sirius called from the kitchen.

“Five more minutes?” Harry asked, hovering a little above the floor on his broomstick.

“You said that five minutes ago,” Sirius said. “Time’s up now.”

“But I want to wait for Uncle Moony,” Harry said.

“Uncle Moony is going to be home very late tonight, Harry, he has lots of work to do,” Sirius said.

“But how will he say good night?”

“He’ll say good night after you’re already asleep,” Sirius said.

“Promise you’ll tell him?”

“I promise.”

“You smomemly swear?” Harry asked. Sirius laughed.

“I solemnly swear,” Sirius said. “Where did you learn that word?”

“You and Uncle Moony say it all the time.”

“Do we?” Sirius laughed. “ Come on, Harry, it’s time for bed.”

“Okayyyy,” Harry said, hopping off the broom and putting it away.

“You can fly more tomorrow,” Sirius said, ruffling his hair. “Are your teeth brushed?”

“Yup,” Harry said. “You know Neville lost a tooth today?”

“Did he?” Sirius said. “That’s exciting.”

“Yeah!” Harry said. “Do you think I’ll lose my teeth soon, Uncle Pads?”

“It’s only a matter of time, Prongslet,” Sirius said, tucking him in.

“And then the tooth fairy will come!” Harry said happily.

“The– The what?” Sirius asked.

“The tooth fairy,” Harry said. “That’s whatever everybody in my class said.” So it’s a muggle thing, Sirius thought. He made a mental note to ask Remus what the fuck a tooth fairy is.

“Good night, Prongslet,” Sirius said, kissing Harry’s forehead. Harry hugged him in return.

“Good night, Uncle Padfoot.”

---------

When Remus finally finished marking the essays, he packed up his things and left his classroom. He can’t explain why he was so determined to get it done tonight but he was. He knew it would mean coming home late; he felt bad about it but Sirius had assured him that it was alright.

Remus left the castle and went out to the grounds when he heard the voices of a group of students near the outskirts of the forest. When they saw him walking towards them, they fell silent and exchanged nervous looks.

“Good evening,” Remus said to the third-years.

“Good evening, professor,” mumbled one of the boys whom Remus recognized to be Charlie Weasley.

“What are you doing out this late?” Remus asked them. A girl, Amelia Johnson, muttered a reply that Remus was sure he wouldn’t have been able to hear if it were for his heightened sense of hearing around the full moon.

“Looking for animals?” Remus said in surprise.

“Yeah,” Charlie said.

“You come here for Care of Magical Creatures, don’t you?” Remus asked.

“We wanted to see more,” said the third boy, Jack Brown. Remus looked at them for a moment and considered his options.

“Alright, look. I’m very tired and I have people waiting for me at home. I won’t deduct points from your houses but Professor McGonagall is on patrol tonight and I guarantee that she won’t be nearly as forgiving so I suggest that you all go back to your common rooms. As for these animals that you’re fascinated with, why don’t you three come to my classroom on Monday and we’ll see what we can do about getting you three into a higher-level class to satisfy your curiosity?”

“We already asked Professor Kettleburn,” Charlie said disappointedly.

“Well if you want to go into the forest and do some research yourself, I could take you,” Remus said.

“You know about magical creatures?” said Jack, looking up at him. Remus smiled.

“I know a thing or two,” he said. “And I’d say that I have good enough knowledge of the forest to help you navigate your way through it safely.”

“Okay,” Amelia said, excitedly.

“I do have a condition,” Remus said. “No more night-time excursions.”

“Alright,” Charlie said.

“I mean it,” Remus said. “Don’t expect me to let this slide again if I catch you a second time.”

“Of course, sir,” Jack said.

“So I’ll see you three on Monday?” Remus said.

“Yeah,” Charlie said, grinning widely. “Thanks, professor.”

“You’re welcome,” Remus said, smiling warmly at them. “Now back to your common rooms and no detours.” They hurried off in the direction of the castle and Remus, shaking his head and smiling, turned back to the castle’s exit.

Remus Apparated outside their doorstep so that the noise didn’t wake Harry and when he opened the door, he was even more glad that he did because Harry wasn’t the only one sleeping. Sirius had fallen asleep on the kitchen counter, his head on his arms, a half-empty glass of wine just out of reach of his right hand, music playing softly from the CD player. Remus waved his wand at it and it fell silent.

“Sirius,” he said gently, stroking his husband’s hair. Sirius opened his eyes slowly and lifted his head off of his hands.

“Hey Moony,” he said in a sleepy voice.

“Hi Pads,” Remus said. “Come to bed.”

“I still have to shower,” Sirius groaned. “Oh and Harry wanted you to give him a kiss goodnight. He made me ‘smomemly swear’.” Remus laughed

“Did he really say that?”

“Yep,” Sirius said. “He was asking for you all day.”

“Alright, I’ll go,” Remus said, turning to go to Harry’s room as Sirius stood up. “You should go shower though.” Sirius caught his hand before he could leave.

“Join me later?” he asked. Remus raised his eyebrows at him.

“Gladly, if you’re not too tired.”

“Too tired for you? Never,” Sirius smirked. Remus rolled his eyes and smiled.

“Go on then,” he said. “I’ll be there soon.”

---------

Sirius turned off the lights in the bedroom as Remus turned on the small lamp on his bedside table.

“So how was your day?” he asked, crawling under the covers.

“It was good,” Sirius said, joining him and pressing a kiss to his lips. “I slept till noon, picked Harry up— did you see that I went shopping for food and not clothes this time?”

“Oh bravo,” Remus said sarcastically, “should I give you a gold star?”

“Silly Moony,” Sirius said, “I am a star.” Remus shook his head and laughed.

“I should’ve seen that one coming,” he said.

“Yeah, you walked right into it,” Sirius grinned. “How was your day?”

“Oh you know,” Remus said, “marking essays, teaching students. My hot husband showed up and now the whole school is gossiping.”

“That was okay, right?” Sirius asked. “It’s not going to cause problems?”

“Nah, I doubt it,” Remus said. “People just think you’re very pretty and want to know what the hell you’re doing with me.”

“Does that make me a trophy wife?” Sirius joked. “‘Cause I’d make a good trophy wife.” Remus laughed.

“So did you give any detentions today?” Sirius teased.

“I did actually catch some third-years out of bed just before I got here,” Remus said.

“I hope you reported them, professor,” Sirius said, smirking.

“Nope,” Remus said. “I actually let it slide.”

“Remus!” Sirius said in mock surprise and disapproval. “You didn’t put these good-for–nothing rule-breakers in their place? I am shocked.”

“How could I report them? We used to do that all the time!” Remus said. “I never reported you, even when I was a prefect.”

“Yeah, but being a prefect and breaking rules is like if you were on the enemy side but the other side trusted you because they thought it was a good idea even though you’re still clearly on the enemy side. That’s the stupidity of the opposite side. But being a professor and breaking rules is like being a proper spy. You’re conspiring against your fellow professors by not reporting this, Rem. It’s espionage.”

“You are so full of bullshit, did you know that?”

“That’s why you love me,” Sirius grinned.

“No, no,” Remus said. “I love you in spite of that.” Sirius laughed. “And besides, those kids didn’t want to do anything bad. They’re just curious about the magical creatures in the forest.”

“That’s what they told you,” Sirius said.

“I believe them,” Remus said. Sirius raised his eyebrows skeptically. “If you met Charlie Weasley, you would too.”

“They sound like nerds,” Sirius said.

“Hey,” Remus said. “They’re kids, you can’t insult them.”

“I can’t believe you think that after hanging around with you for 15 years, dating you for 10 and being married to you for 6 I would use ‘nerd’ as an insult,” Sirius said. Remus laughed.

“Are you trying to tell me I’m a nerd?”

“Moony, you’re a teacher.” Remus laughed.

“Fair point.”

“What did you tell the kids though?” Sirius asked.

“I told them to go back to their common rooms and that I’d take them into the forest myself if they’re interested.”

“I bet they loved that,” Sirius said with a smile.

“You should’ve seen them,” Remus said. “They were ecstatic.”

“I knew you’d be a great teacher,” Sirius said. “I told you so.”

“You already said ‘I told you so’ when I got the job,” Remus said, “and after my first class. And many more times after that.”

“Yep,” Sirius said, “and don’t expect me to stop anytime soon.”

“Maybe you should come back to Hogwarts,” Remus said.

“What and teach? I don’t think so,” Sirius snorted.

“No, not as a teacher,” Remus said, “as a student. I have first-years who are more mature than you are.” Sirius laughed and pulled his husband in towards him. Remus winced and Sirius immediately backed away.

“I’m sorry, did I hurt you?” he asked, a look of avid concern in his eyes.

“No, it’s not your fault,” Remus said, closing his eyes. “Full moon’s on Friday.” Sirius nodded.

“Yeah, I know,” he said.

“Right,” Remus said, smiling at him. “You and your tattoo.” Sirius pulled up his shirt to reveal the moon-shaped tattoo on the left side of his ribs. It was a magical tattoo that changed to show the phases of the moon and right now it was nearly full. When he’d shown it to Remus for the first time in their 6th year, Remus had melted.

“You alright, love?” Sirius asked.

“I’m just sore, that’s all.”

“Moony, why don’t we give that potion a try?” Sirius said. Remus sighed.

“I really don’t think that’s a good idea, Pads,” Remus said. A few weeks ago, there had been an article in the Daily Prophet about the Wolfsbane Potion. It was the new invention of a potioneer that allowed a werewolf to keep their mind when they transform. The potion wouldn’t cure lycanthropy — Remus would still transform into a wolf every full moon — but it could certainly make things easier.

“Why not?” Sirius asked gently. “It’ll help you, won’t it? What could be bad about that?”

“What if it doesn’t work?” Remus asked nervously.

“If it doesn’t work, then we’ll get through the full moon like we do every time. I’ll be in my animagus form, Remus, nothing bad will happen. And we know that the potion is safe to drink because the health department in the Ministry of Magic approved it; they couldn’t have done that without making sure it’s safe. Worst case scenario it does nothing and things will continue as normal.”

“Pads,” Remus started slowly, “it’s really expensive.” Sirius hesitated for a moment.

“We could draw some of the money that my uncle left me,” he said.

“No, I won’t have you wasting your money on me like that,” Remus said, shaking his head.

“Rem, it’s not wasting, this—” Sirius sighed. “Look, why don’t we give it a try? Just once. And if it isn’t that great and you still feel like it’s a waste of money then we don’t have to do it again but there’s no harm in trying.” Remus still looked hesitant. “It’s not even my money, really,” Sirius added.

“Your uncle left it to you,” Remus said. “Of course, it’s yours.”

“I wouldn’t have spent it,” Sirius said. “I don’t want any money from anybody in that family. But nothing would piss them off more than me using Black family money to buy the Wolfsbane Potion for my half-blood, werewolf husband.” Sirius grinned and Remus shook his head and smiled at him.

“Oh alright,” Remus said. “But we’re only trying. And you have to be in your animagus form the entire time.” Sirius nodded.

“Yeah, of course,” he said, squeezing Remus’ hand and smiling. Remus smiled back before his mouth opened in a yawn. “Go to sleep, love, you’re exhausted.” Remus nodded, not bothering to open his eyes.

“Okay,” he said. “Good night, Padfoot.”

“‘Night, Moony,” Sirius said, turning out the bedside lamp before pressing his lips to Remus’ forehead. “Sweet dreams.”

Sirius closed his eyes as well, drifting off to the sound of Remus; breaths evening out as he sank deeper into sleep. And as he thought over the remains of that day, Sirius found himself feeling happy.

He missed Lily and James, it was true; he didn’t think he would ever stop missing them. But that didn’t have to mean that he couldn’t be happy. Here, today, with Remus and Harry, Sirius would let himself be happy. And he hoped that from somewhere, Lily and James could see them. He hoped they were happy too.

492 notes · View notes

marauders-venting · 2 years

Text

The Happiest of Birthdays

pairing: jily (james x lily)

genre: fluff

warnings: mentions of alcohol and getting drunk

words: 3978

a/n: au where nobody dies, nobody betrays anybody and voldemort doesn’t exist (or he was defeated years ago, i dont mind). basically pure fluff

happy birthday lily!!!

January 30th, 00:00, 1980

The phone rang just like Lily knew it would. She sighed but smiled as she picked it up.

“Happy birthday!” yelled the voice of Dorcas and Marlene.

“Jesus,” Lily said, holding the phone at arm’s length from her ear. “Did you have to scream?”

“Of course we did,” Dorcas said. “You’re 20 now, you have to learn to deal with screaming.”

“How does it feel to be old?” Marlene said.

“My back is bending with age,” Lily said, rolling her eyes.

“I heard that,” Marlene said.

“Heard what?”

“You, rolling your eyes.” Lily laughed.

“Hold on, I’m getting another call,” Lily said.

“Okay, well, we’ll see you tomorrow, Lils,” Dorcas said.

“See you guys.”

“Bye. Happy birthday.”

“Thanks,” Lily said. “Bye.” She switched to the other line.

“Happy birthday!” Remus and Sirius yelled.

“Again with the screaming,” Lily said. “You’ll burst my eardrums if this keeps going.”

“Sorry we’re a minute late,” Sirius said. “We figured Marlene and Dorcas would call you so we gave them a minute.”

“That’s alright,” she said, laughing.

“You want to go to sleep now, don’t you?” Remus said.

“I do,” Lily said. “And so should you.”

“Lils, we all know that’s not going to happen.”

“Fine, fine, stay up till four,” Lily said. “I’m not going to stop you.”

“I might,” Sirius said. Just then an owl flew through the window, dropped a letter on the couch and flew back out. Lily picked up the bright red envelope and raised her eyebrows.

“Did you guys send me a Howler?” Lily asked.

“No,” Sirius said, confused. “Why?”

“I got one,” Lily said. “Hold on.” Her curiosity for the better of her and she opened it.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY BESTIE I FUCKING LOVE YOU!”

“Was that Mary?” Remus asked through laughter.

“It was a Howler from Mary, yes,” Lily said, laughing as well.

“Okay, well, we’ll let you sleep now if you want,” Sirius said.

“Thanks,” Lily said. “See you tomorrow.”

“See you, Lils,” Remus said. “Good night.”

“Good night.” Lily hung up the phone and went up the stairs to her and James’ bedroom.

“Am I allowed to say happy birthday now?” James said when she came into bed. “Or do I have to wait my turn? Or send you a Howler maybe?” Lily laughed.

“You heard the Howler from Mary?”

“I did,” James said. “It was… interesting.”

“Yeah, she’s great,” Lily said smiling.

“Happy birthday, love,” James said, kissing her.

“Thank you, James,” Lily said, yawning. She curled up against him and closed her eyes. “I’m tired,” she whispered.

“Go to sleep, Lils,” James whispered, wrapping his arms around her and kissing her in between the eyebrows.

“Good night,” she whispered sleepily.

“Good night.”

The following morning, Lily and James went down to the kitchen where James made breakfast for both of them and they spent what was left of the morning and early afternoon together before Sirus, Remus and Peter arrived and, after wishing Lily a happy birthday, shooed her out of the house so they could set up the party.

“I can’t believe you’re kicking me out of my own house,” Lily said.

“Why does this surprise you, it’s a weekly occurrence,” Sirius said.

“The girls and Dorcas are taking you out somewhere,” Remus said.

“Don’t ask where, we don’t know,” Peter added as Lily opened her mouth. “They have something planned, just go to Marlene and Dorcas’.”

“Oh alright,” Lily said. She kissed James on the lips, lingering only for a moment.

“Must you always blind us with heterosexual displays of love?” Sirius asked. Remus snorted and James punched him in the arm. Lily rolled her eyes.

“I’ll see you later,” she said.

“Bye, Lils,” James said.

“Have a good time,” Remus said just as Lily Disapparated.

---------

“Hey, Lily,” Dorcas said. They were sitting next to Mary on the staircase outside her and Marlene’s apartment.

“Hey, Cas,” Lily said. “Uh, why are you two sitting here?”

“We’re waiting for Marlene,” Mary said. “She’s taking forever.”

“Well, in the meantime you can tell me where we’re going,” Lily said, sitting down on the stair beneath them. Mary smiled.

“We’re taking you shopping!” she said.

“So I heard,” Lily said, excitedly. “Where are we going?”

“Anywhere you like,” Dorcas said. “You can buy whatever you like and it’s all on us. It’s our present for you.”

“Wait really?” Lily said.

“Yep,” Mary said. “If Marlene would just hurry the fuck up already!” She yelled the last part loud enough for Marlene to hear but there was no response. Mary sighed.

“Dorcas, will you please go tell your girlfriend to get her arse out here?” Dorcas groaned and their knees clicked when they stood. She opened the door and called out to Marlene who showed up a minute later pulling on a leather jacket.

“Oh Lily, you’re here,” she said. Lily laughed.

“Yes, we’re all waiting for you,” she said.

“Fashionably late, as always,” Mary said.

“At least I’m fashionable,” Marlene said. “Well either way I’m here now so we can go.” Dorcas rolled their eyes but took Marlene’s hand as the four of them left the building.

---------

True to their word, Marlene, Dorcas and Mary took Lily to the mall and she spent hours trying on clothes, most of which she knew she would never buy. At her insistence, her friends tried on clothes with her and they laughed at ridiculous dresses and encouraged each other to buy the things they liked.

When the evening rolled around, they bought food and found a comfortable place outside to sit down and eat, surrounded by their shopping bags.

“Do they boys know we’re eating out?” Lily asked.

“Yep,” Marlene said.

“Even James?” Lily said skeptically.

“We told him that he got you last year and now it’s our turn,” Mary said. Lily laughed.

“Fair enough,” she said.

“He didn’t think so,” Dorcas said. “We convinced him though.”

“Are we going back after this?” Lily asked. “For the party?”

“Yeah,” Mary said.

“We wouldn’t want you to miss your own party, now would we?” Marlene said.

Once they’d finished eating, They Apparated back to Godric’s Hollow and Marlene knocked on the door to Lily and James’ house.

“It’s us,” she yelled. “Can we come in?”

“Yeah, yeah, come inside,” James called back.

“After you, birthday girl,” Marlene said, standing back from the door. Lily eyed her suspiciously but opened the door.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” James, Sirius, Remus and Peter were standing behind the door and no sooner had Lily entered had they released confetti poppers and covered her in glitter and confetti. Lily laughed and shook her hand as she came inside and hugged all four of them.

“I have to admit,” she said, looking around the house at their decorations and then back at them, “I’m impressed.” There was a large banner hanging over the kitchen table with the words ‘Happy Birthday’, colourful streamers and a big balloon with her name on it, not to mention the smaller balloons that covered the floor.

“Well then I’d consider this mission a success,” Sirius said.

“Don’t you think you went a little overboard with the glitter though?” she said, trying to shake it out of her hair. “It’ll take weeks to get this out.”

“I told you she’d say that,” Remus said.

“So you’ll be a little more sparkly, what’s wrong with that?” Sirius said.

“How was shopping?” Peter asked as Marlene, Dorcas and Mary came in and they went to sit on the couch.

“So much fun,” Lily said, kicking off her shoes.

“Whatcha buy?” Sirius asked. “Do we get a fashion show?”

“Not unless you want to see James’ eyes popping out of his head,” Marlene said with a smirk.

“Well now I’m curious,” James said. “What did you buy?”

“It’s nothing,” Lily said, “Marlene’s exaggerating. Just a pair of boots, jeans and a dress.”

“Yes but the dress,” Marlene pressed.

“It’s just a dress!” Lily insisted.

“Lils, you slay in the dress,” Mary said.

“She’s right, you look incredible,” Dorcas said.

“Oh shut up,” Lily muttered, turning red.

“Do we get to see the dress or not?” James asked.

“Maybe later,” Lily said. “I’m not bothered to change now.”

“Let’s play a game,” Peter suggested.

“Okay, what game?” Lily said.

“How about Monopoly?” Remus suggested.

“No!” James and Sirius said at the same time.

“Oh right, I forgot you don’t like losing,” Remus teased. “Bummer.”

“Shut up, Moony,” James muttered. “What about Uno?”

“Absolutely not,” Marlene said.

“Still not over the incident then?” Sirius said.

“You all ganged up on me, it wasn’t fair!”

“We could… you know,” Mary said, “do a puzzle or something.”

“But there are no winners in puzzles,” Lily said.

“That’s the point,” Dorcas said.

“But where’s the fun in that?” Lily said.

“Well, it’s better than having a table flipped on you,” Peter said, giving Remus a look.

“I didn’t flip the table!” he exclaimed.

“Oh so it just got up and jumped on its back then, did it?” James said.

“It was an accident!” Remus insisted.

“It definitely was not,” Lily said.

“You have no right to talk, Lily, you’re just as competitive as Remus is,” Marlene said.

“Ha!” Remus said.

“Doesn’t change the fact that you definitely flipped a table, Rem,” Marlene said.

“I did not— Pads, back me up here!” Remus said.

“I would…” Sirius started slowly, “if it weren’t for the fact that you flipped a table.”

“I DIDN’T—” Remus started.

“Woah, okay, Moony, relax,” Sirius said, putting a hand on his knee.

“I didn’t flip a table!” Remus whisper-yelled.

“Okay, Remus, you didn’t flip a table,” Peter said. “I’m still not playing Monopoly with you though.”

“How about we open a bottle of champagne then?” James suggested. Everybody nodded in agreement and James charmed the bottle to fill eight glasses. They all toasted to Lily and wished her a happy birthday for the thirty thousandth time.

“Oh that reminds me,” Lily said. “I got you Howler last night, Mary.”

“Did you like it?” she asked eagerly.

“Yes, I did,” Lily laughed. “I fucking love you too.”

“You sent a Howler?” Marlene asked.

“Yeah, I knew you would call,” Mary said. “And I figured you three—” she gestured to Remus, Sirius and Peter, “would probably call as well and I didn’t want to wait so I figured a letter would be easier.”

“I didn’t call, actually,” Peter said.

“What did you do then?” Sirius asked.

“I let the poor woman sleep,” Peter said, rolling his eyes.

“Boring,” Marlene said.

“Oh don’t listen to them, Pete,” Lily said. “Thank you for being the only sane person in this room with a normal sleeping schedule.”

“You’re very welcome,” Peter laughed, hugging her. “Happy birthday, Lils.”

“Thanks.” Lily lifted the champagne glass to her lips when Marlene swats her hand.

“What are you doing?” she asked. Shit. Lily had nearly forgotten she wasn’t supposed to be drinking. But she and Marlene had drawn attention to themselves. Lily couldn’t see any way to get out of this situation that wouldn’t raise unwanted questions. “You… You owe me your drink, remember? You lost the bet.”

“Damn, that’s right,” Lily says, playing along.

“Marlene, let the poor girl drink,” Sirius said. “It’s her birthday.”

“Can’t do that, doggie boy,” she said. “She lost the bet. Now every drink Lily wants to have, I get to have instead.”

“What did you even bet on?” Remus asked.

“Quidditch game,” Marlene said.

“You made a bet on a Quidditch game with Lily?” Dorcas said. “I’m pretty sure that’s taking advantage, babe.”

“You bet on a Quidditch game?” James said, raising his eyebrows at Lily. “Why would you do that? You don’t know shit about Quidditch.”

“Well now you know why I didn’t bet money,” Lily said, shrugging. “It’s fine I don’t mind not drinking. It’ll save me tomorrow’s headache.”

“And I will enjoy getting completely wasted,” Marlene says, taking the drink from Lily’s hand and draining it. “Tomorrow’s headache is future Marlene’s problem.”

“And future Dorcas’ problem too,” Dorcas muttered under their breath.

In the end, they couldn’t agree on a game and decided to play music to which Sirius insisted they dance. He charmed the lights so they changed colours and blasted the music at full volume. They all stood up, reluctantly at first, but it didn’t take long before they were all enjoying themselves. Until suddenly all the lights went out. Light coming from the kitchen caught Lily’s eye and she whipped around. It was James, carrying a birthday cake lit by the fire from the candles.

“Happy birthday to you,” they all started to sing. Lily smiled as Remus put his arm around her and Mary squeezed her hand. When they finished singing and James had put the cake on the dining table and turned on the lights, Lily went to hug him.

“Thank you,” she whispered. James hugged her back tightly before their friends called them to cut the cake. Lily started cutting the cake and putting the slices on plates that her friends took one by one. When she had cut more than enough for everybody, she felt somebody hug her from behind.

“Hey, Lils,” said Marlene. “Can I talk to you?”

“Sure.” Lily led Marlene to the kitchen and turned to face her, leaning against the counter. “What’s up?”

“You know what I’m going to ask,” Marlene said quietly. Lily sighed, nervously tracing circles with her finger on the smooth countertop.

“Yeah,” she said, looking down.

“You haven’t told him?” Marlene said gently. Lily shook her head. “Lils, you’re going to have to tell him soon. He’s going to notice that you’re—” Marlene dropped her voice even lower, “pregnant.”

“I know, I know, I just…” Lily trailed off, unable to find a reason for hiding this from James.

“Do you want me to be there?” Marlene asked. “Would that help?”

“No,” Lily said. “No, I think it should just be me and him.”

“Okay,” Marlene said. “Do you want… I mean, is there a reason that you don’t want to tell him?”

“I—” Lily sighed. “I’m scared he’s gonna… I don’t want… I mean, I’ve decided to keep the baby already and I don’t think anyone can change my mind but… what if he doesn’t want the baby?”

“Oh, Lils,” Marlene said, hugging her. “I can’t guarantee that he’ll want the baby. But James loves you. He’s crazy about you, remember? He’s not going to leave you to do this on your own. And you know what, even if the impossible happens and he does, then you’ve always got me. Me and Dorcas and Mary and Remus and Sirius and Peter. We all love you. And you’ll have James too. But no matter what happens you won’t be alone in this, I promise you.”

“Thank you, Marls,” she said. “I will tell him. I’ll tell him soon.” Marlene smiled at her and opened her mouth to respond when suddenly, the kitchen door opened with a bang, making Lily jump.

“What are you girls doing here?” Sirius asked.

“Having a conversation,” Marlene said. “Don’t be so nosy.”

“Don’t hog the birthday girl then,” Sirius said.

“I will hog Lily as much as I like,” Marlene said. “She’s my best friend.”

“Excuse me,” Remus called from the living room, “she’s my best friend.”

“Sorry, Rem,” Marlene said, “she likes me better. Don’t you, Lils?”

“My best friend,” Lily said in a teasingly slow voice as she picked up a plate with a slice of cake and took a bite, “is this cake, oh my god. Where did you buy this?”

“I made it,” James said, grinning widely.

“Really?” she said.

“Yep,” James said proudly.

“It’s amazing, Jamie,” she said, slipping her arm around her husband’s waist and kissing him on the cheek.

The rest of the party was spent eating cake, opening presents, drinking, dancing and collapsing on the couch when they got tired.

“I think I’m gonna head home,” Mary said, glancing at her watch. “I have to go to work tomorrow.”

“Ugh,” Remus groaned. “Mondays.”

“I second that,” Marlene said.

“I think we all do,” Peter said.

“What are you complaining about?” Sirius said to Remus. He was taking up half a couch, lying with his legs on Remus’ lap. “Your first class is with first-years and it’s only at eleven.”

“I can’t believe you remembered my schedule,” Remus said, shaking his head.

“What’s so hard to believe?” Sirius said.

“I’m a substitute teacher,” Remus said. “The schedule changes every week!”

“Well I have to get up at six to be at St Mungo’s on time,” Dorcas said, “which means that I’ll get about four and a half hours of sleep if we leave right now.”

“Cas, why didn’t you say anything?” Lily said. “You could’ve gone earlier, we wouldn’t have minded.”

“Oh don’t worry about it,” they said, “I would’ve stayed anyway.”

“Come on, I’m taking you home,” Marlene said. “You need proper sleep.”

“I think we should go as well,” Sirius said, swinging his legs off of Remus’ lap and standing up. There were more murmurs of agreement and soon Lily and James were saying goodbye to their friends at the door. Everybody wished Lily a happy birthday once more before Disapparating.

“Don’t forget, we’re going to the bookstore this week,” Remus said, hugging Lily before leaving.

“Wait, wait, who’s going with them to supervise?” Sirius said.

“Please, Sirius, I’m 20, I don’t need supervision,” Lily said.

“I’m 20,” Sirius said, “would you say the same thing about me?”

“Absolutely not,” she said.

“Then there you go,” Sirius said. “Bye.”

“Bye guys.” They Disapparated like the rest and James closed the door, wrapping his arm around Lily’s waist.

“What do you say we clean up tomorrow?” he said, looking around at the mess in their house. Lily nodded and rested her head against him as they walked up the stairs to their room.

---------

“James?” Lily said, coming out of the bathroom after having showered.

“Yeah?”

“How drunk are you?” she asked nervously.

“I’m mostly sober actually,” he said, “surprising as it may be.”

“Okay,” Lily nodded. “In that case, I need to tell you something.”

“Okay,” James said, smiling happily at her. “What is it?”

“Maybe you should sit down,” she said. She’s cracking the knuckles in her fingers one by one. It’s an old habit and it’s worse when she’s nervous. Like now.

“Is everything okay?” James asked. He was looking at her with his big, hazel eyes, a touch of concern in his expression and Lily couldn’t help but see his resemblance to the deer that he transforms into. She nodded but took his hand and led him to their bed. Lily stayed standing but she gestured for him to sit. He did but the concern in his eyes was growing.

Lily couldn’t bear the thought of losing him. But she knew that this was not what James had signed up for when he married her. He didn’t want for them to be pregnant at 20 years old, Lily was sure of that. The only question was to what degree would he hate it.

“I need to tell you…” she started. Lily took a deep breath and forced herself to look right back into James’ hazel eyes. “I’m pregnant.” James’ eyes grew slowly wider as he processed her words and his jaw dropped.

“Are you serious?” he asked. Lily knew it wasn’t the time but she couldn’t not take this opportunity.

“I’m not Sirius, I’m Lily,” she said. “Sirius is your other wife.” James grinned at her and shook his head.

“No, I mean, come on, is this for real?” James asked. Lily bit her lip and nodded.

“Yeah,” she said. James covered his mouth in shock. “I’m really pregnant.” Lily thought she might be seconds away from crying when James jumped up and grabbed her hands.

“Oh my god,” he said. “Oh my god, we’re having a baby! Holy shit, we’re gonna be parents. I’m gonna be a dad!” Lily stared at him, wonder-struck. She had imagined James’ reaction to this countless times but she’d never imagined this.

“You’re really happy about this?” she said, with tears in her eyes. “You’re not just pretending?”

“Why would I pretend?” James asked. He genuinely looked ecstatic and Lily felt her heart glow. “Lily, this is… I mean, I’m surprised. But surprised in a good way. I have to tell Sirius.” Lily shook her head and laughed with relief.

“Why doesn’t it surprise me that that was your first thought?”

“Wait, this is assuming that you want to keep the baby?” James added.

“As long as you do,” she said.

“I think you’ve seen my general stance on the situation,” James grinned. “But it’s your choice, Lils. I mean, at the end of the day you’re the one who has to carry the baby and give birth.”

“I’m sure,” Lily said. “I’ve thought about it already. I’m just… I’m just really glad you’re not disappointed.”

“How could I be disappointed?” James said. “I’m going to be a dad.”

“I’m going to be a mum,” Lily said. Tears rolled down her cheeks and she gave James a watery smile.

“Are you okay?” he asked, taking her by the hands and sitting her down on their bed. He sat beside her and wiped away her tears. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” she said. “Nothing, it’s probably just hormones. And I’m relieved that this went well.”

“How long have you known?” James asked. “Like, how long have you been waiting to do this?”

“I—” Lily hesitated. “I’ve known since November,” she said quietly. James raised his eyebrows.

“November? Why, um—” he cleared his throat, “why didn’t you tell me?”

“I… I was scared,” she admitted. She was cracking her knuckles again but no sound was coming out. She was just fiddling with her fingers.

“You were scared of me?” James asked, the sadness and hurt in his voice echoing through Lily’s head.

“Not of you,” Lily said. “Of your reaction. I didn’t… I thought you wouldn’t want this. I thought…”

“You were scared I would leave?” James concluded. Lily nodded.

“I’m sorry, Jamie,” she said, looking down, the tears dripping into her lap.

“Hey,” James said, tilting her chin up with his hand so she was looking at him. “You have nothing to apologize for. I’m sorry if I ever made you think that I’d leave if you got pregnant but I want you to know that I won’t. I’m never going to leave you. You’re stuck with me. Till death parts us, remember?” Lily let out a small laugh.

“Yeah,” she said with a smile. “I do.”

“I can’t believe we’re having a baby,” he said.

“Me neither,” Lily said.

“I’m happy though,” he said. “Really.”

“I know,” she said, squeezing his hand. “So am I.” James gave her one of his shit-eating grins as he leaned closer and lightly brushed his lips against her forehead.

“Can I kiss you?” he asked. He was so close she could feel his breath on her skin.

“Yeah,” she said. “Yeah, of course you can.” James lined their lips up before slowly closing the gap between them and kissing Lily. She reached her arms up and wrapped them around James’ neck, kissing him back. “I love you, you know,” she whispered into his mouth.

“I love you too,” he said.

---------

That night as Lily lies in bed she feels the relief of a weight being lifted off her chest. They’re going to have a baby. She and James. And as scary as that seems, Lily feels calm. She feels calm because now she knows that James is with her. He always was and he always will be. And that was the greatest birthday gift Lily could’ve asked for.

82 notes · View notes

marauders-venting · 2 years

Text

A Doorstep of Affection

pairing: wolfstar (remus x sirius)

genre: fluff

warnings: none

words: 2815

a/n: this is set after the second wizarding war, both sirius and remus survived, remus never married tonks and harry is living with sirius. so yeah, fluff all around :D

i sort of see this as an epilogue for my last post but it doesn’t necessarily have to be, i suppose.

“And checkmate,” Ron said, knocking Harry’s king off the board. Harry buried his face in his hands.

“With a pawn,” he groaned. “That’s just humiliating.”

“Right because the last five losses were far more dignified,” Ginny said.

“No, no, he’s right, it’s worse with a pawn,” Neville said. “I mean, of all the players to defeat your king it has to be the tiniest one. It’s an extra slap in the face.”

“I think that’s a lot like life,” Luna said. “I mean, the tiniest people or the tiniest creatures are always the ones we underestimate but they have a way of proving themselves in the end. Just look at all the damage Wrackspurts can cause humans if they want to. And they’re small enough to fit in our ears.”

“Yes, well at any rate,” Hermione said, “well done, Ron.” She kissed his cheek and Ron’s ears went red.

“You guys are cute,” Harry said. “Disgustingly cute.”

“Oh shut up, Harry,” Hermione said. Sirius let out a laugh as he walked into the living room with a cup of coffee.

“What’s so funny?” Harry asked.

“Oh it’s nothing,” Sirius said. “It’s just your dad used to say the same thing to me and Remus when we were at school.”

“You and Professor Lupin used to date?” Hermione asked.

“Yeah, when we were in our fifth year at Hogwarts,” Sirius said. “And call him Remus.”

“Wait you’re gay?” Harry asked in surprise.

“Yeah.”

“You didn’t know?” Ginny said to Harry, raising her eyebrows.

“You did?!”

“I guessed it,” she said.

“Did you know?” Harry asked Ron

“I mean I sort of suspected,” Ron shrugged.

“Does that mean Lup— does that mean Remus is gay too?” Harry asked.

“Did you honestly not know that?” Hermione asked.

“How did you know?!”

“He taught us for a year, Harry!” Hermione said, laughing.

“So?”

“He had a Pride flag in his office,” Neville said quietly, giving Harry a small exasperated smile.

“He did?” Harry said, turning to Hermione. She pinched the bridge of her nose.

“You may be the Chosen One, Harry, but you’re dumb as shit,” she sighed but grinned at her idiotic best friend.

“Remus had a Pride flag in his office?” Sirius said.

“Yeah,” Ron said. “A small one on a stick.”

“Did he keep it in a coffee mug with his pens?” Sirius asked. Harry thought he sounded excited.

“Yeah,” Hermione said. “How did you know?”

“We used to keep that flag in our apartment,” he said. “In the coffee mug and everything.”

“You lived together?” Harry asked.

“Yeah,” Sirius said. “For like 3 years after Hogwarts.”

“But you’re not together anymore?” Hermione asked. “Wait. I’m sorry, I don’t mean to pry. You don’t have to answer that.”

“That’s alright,” Sirius said. “No, we’re not together anymore. We haven’t been since…” He trailed off but they knew what he meant.

“But you want to be,” said Luna who had been rather quiet until now. “Don’t you?”

“I—” Sirius turned to look at her in surprise, “it’s more complicated than that.” Luna shrugged.

“Not necessarily,” she said. “Have you told him?”

“Well, no,” Sirius said. “But… you wouldn’t understand. It’s been too long, too much has happened. I–It doesn’t make sense anymore.”

“Why not?” Neville asked. “You want it, don’t you? It makes sense to you. Who’s to say that Remus isn’t thinking the same thing?”

“He isn’t,” Sirius said.

“You don’t know that,” Ginny said.

“Well, you don’t know that he is,” Sirius said.

“And you won’t know if you don’t ask,” Ron said, shrugging.

“There’s no harm in asking,” Hermione said. Sirius looked around at all of them before sighing, standing up and turning away.

“Merlin, you know you’re lonely when you talk to 17-year-olds about your problems,” Sirius muttered.

“We are right though,” Ginny called after Sirius as he disappeared into the kitchen. Sirius was saved from having to answer when Neville stood up.

“Sorry guys, I have to go,” he said. “Gran wanted me home ten minutes ago.”

“I should go too,” Luna said. “I told Daddy that I’d fish for Freshwater Plimpies so we can make soup tonight.” They said their goodbyes and Apparated straight out of the apartment.

“I should go check on my parents,” Hermione said, checking her watch. Harry and Ron had accompanied Hermione to Australia and managed to track down her parents. They managed to undo the Memory Charm with the help of several healers from St Mungo’s but both Mr and Mrs Granger were still quite disoriented and the healers decided to keep them at the hospital for a few days to ensure that they did not do any damage to themselves. Hermione had gone to the hospital to see them several times in the past few days. Harry had gone with her a few times and her parents did seem to be improving significantly.

“I’ll come with you,” Ron said, immediately. Hermione smiled.

“I’ll see you guys later then?” Harry said.

“I mean, if you want to come—” Hermione started.

“We really don’t mind, mate,” Ron said.

“Nah, you two go ahead,” Harry said.

“Okay,” Hermione said.

“But you’re coming to dinner at my place tonight,” Ron said. “Right?”

“Yeah,” Harry said with a smile. “Yeah, thanks.” Ron gave him a thumbs up.

“Ginny, tell mum I’ll help with dinner later, okay?” he said.

“Yeah okay,” she said. “I need to go home now anyway.”

“Bye guys,” Harry said.

“Bye, Harry,” they said. “And thanks for having us over, Sirius.”

“You’re welcome here any time,” Sirius said. “Hermione, say hi to your parents for us.”

“We will,” Hermione said. She took Ron’s hand and Disapparated. Ginny turned to Harry.

“I have to help my mum with something right now but Fred and George are coming over before dinner. If you come early too we can play Quidditch.”

“Yeah, that sounds good,” Harry said.

“So I’ll see you later?” she said.

“Yeah,” he said. “Bye, Ginny.”

“Bye,” she said. And she too Disapparated.

“You want some coffee?” Sirius called from the kitchen.

“Uh sure,” Harry said. He entered the kitchen and Sirius handed him a cup of iced coffee.

“Sirius, can I ask you something?”

“Yeah, of course,” Sirius said. “What’s up?”

“What Luna said earlier… is it true?” Harry asked. “Do you still like Remus?” Sirius sighed.

“Yeah,” he said finally. “Yeah, it’s true.”

“Why don’t you tell him?” Harry said. Sirius hesitated before answering.

“Because if he doesn’t feel the same way, it’ll be awkward,” Sirius said, deciding to be honest with Harry. “And he’s still my friend. I don’t want to lose him.”

“Sirius, do you really think that after everything you and Remus have been through, that’s what would make things awkward?” Harry asked. Sirius was silent. Harry was making a valid point. Both he and Remus had been through hell and back. And Remus hadn’t hated him the last time Sirius had asked him out, back in their fifth year. Look even if Remus doesn’t like you back, James had said to him back then, you won’t lose him. He loves you too much to let that happen even if it’s not in the way you want it to be. Suddenly Sirius forgot every reason he had for keeping his feelings hidden from Remus.

“You’re… not wrong,” Sirius said slowly.

“Does that mean you’ll tell him?” Harry asked.

“I—” Sirius hesitated. “I’ll think about it.”

“That’s great,” Harry said with a grin. “And… it’ll be okay,” he added, “no matter what happens.” Sirius smiled.

“Thanks, Harry. How did you get so wise?” he said jokingly, messing up his godson’s hair.

“Hermione is rubbing off on me,” Harry said. Sirius laughed.

“I should go,” Harry said, checking his watch. “I’m going to play Quidditch with the Weasley’s.”

“Have fun,” Sirius said.

“You’ll come to dinner, won’t you?” Harry asked.

“Yeah, if you want me there,” Sirius said.

“Thanks, Sirius,” Harry said. He hesitated for a moment, seeming unsure of himself before hugging Sirius. Sirius was taken by surprise but hugged him back.

“Is everything okay, Harry?” Sirius asked.

“Yeah,” Harry said with a grin. “Everything is fine.”

“You know you can talk to me if you want,” Sirius said. Harry nodded.

“I know.”

“Then go crush those gingers at Quidditch,” Sirius said. Harry laughed.

“We’ll see,” he said, grabbing his wand off the kitchen counter so he could Apparate. “And Sirius?”

“Yeah?”

“Go get him,” Harry said and Sirius could almost hear it.

“You know, Harry,” Sirius said, “that’s exactly what your dad said to me the first time I decided to ask Remus out.” A grin spread wide across Harry’s face at the comparison between him and his dad.

“Really?” he asked.

“Word for word,” Sirius laughed. “You’re more like him than you know. Prongslet.” Harry smiled.

“Bye… Uncle Pads.” Harry Disapparated and Sirius was left standing in the kitchen with a coffee cup, stunned.

---------

Sirius was standing on the doorstep of his and Remus’ old flat. Although he supposed it could hardly be referred to as his anymore. Sirius had spent more time in Azkaban than he had in this apartment with Remus. Remus had lived here alone for 17 years. No, it was not his flat anymore. But he still remembered when it was. He remembered it as clearly as if it had happened yesterday. The day he and Remus stood on this very doorstep, key in hand. The days when they had been young and carefree and so very in love. Sirius remembered the way they had kissed on the doorstep. He remembered the way he’d whispered in Remus’ ear. I love you. He remembered the way Remus had squeezed his hands, amber eyes glowing, kissed him again and said, “I love you too, Sirius.” He remembered the gentle way Remus had said his name. And all on this very doorstep.

Sirius stood here years later, having survived the First Wizarding War, twelve years in Azkaban and now the Second War. Both of these he survived but just barely. And now he was back. Standing here on Remus’ doorstep hoping Remus might agree for it to be their doorstep again. So Sirius took a breath and knocked on the door. And when Remus opened it, a smile flickering across his features when he saw who it was, Sirius forgot how to breathe.

“Hey, Sirius,” he said. “Is, uh, is everything okay?”

“What? Oh yeah. Yeah, everything is fine,” Sirius said. “I came, um. I just came to… to ask you something. If that’s okay.”

“Sure,” Remus said. “Do you wanna come in?”

“No, that’s alright,” Sirius said. “I won’t… I don’t want to intrude, I just wanted to ask… uh—” Sirius couldn’t find the words. He felt 15 all over again. Come to think of it, the first time he’d asked Remus out had been on a doorstep as well. Remus had been standing inside their dorm at Hogwarts, leaning on the door frame and Sirius standing just outside on the doorstep, nervous as he decided to confess his feelings to Remus after hiding them for over a year. And now he was back in the same place, in another time. And apparently, Remus was thinking the same thing.

“Well, I’m getting deja vu,” he said with a quick smile.

“Yeah,” Sirius said, letting out a nervous laugh.

“Fifth year,” Remus said. “The day you, um… the day you asked me out.” Sirius nodded. “Before everything…”

“Got so fucked up,” Sirius finished.

“Yeah,” Remus said, looking down.

“Look, I–I know a lot has changed since then,” Sirius started, “but… but not everything has to.” Remus looked back up at him.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean…” Sirius took a deep breath, “I mean that I’m here for the same reason that I came to you that night in fifth year. I… I’m still in love with you, Remus. And I want to be with you. And I understand completely if that’s not something you want anymore. Really, I do. No hard feelings. I just… I figured you deserve to know.” Remus stared blankly at him.

“You… you’re still in love with me?” he said quietly.

“Yeah,” Sirius said. “I’m sorry, Remus, I shouldn’t have—”

“Oh thank god,” Remus said. He threw his arms around Sirius and pulled him into a hug. “Thank fucking Merlin.” Sirius was taken aback but he wrapped his arms around Remus and hugged him back. They stood on that doorstep, their doorstep, the doorstep of affection, and hugged for longer than they had in years. Sirius and Remus had both been alone for so long, both trapped in solitude with nothing but their worst memories. And now that they had one another again, now that they were safe with their arms around each other, Sirius felt like nothing could hurt him anymore. He’d lived through the worst of it. Now it was just him and Remus. Together.

“I missed you so much,” Sirius whispered in his ear. “I’ve missed you so fucking much.”

“I missed you too,” Remus whispered back. Sirius pulled away from the hug and looked right into Remus’ beautiful, golden eyes.

“Can I kiss you?” he asked.

“Yeah,” Remus breathlessly. “Yeah of course you can.” Sirius felt the butterflies in his stomach; he really did feel 15 again. Sirius leaned in and ghosted his lips across Remus’, gentle and unsure.

“Sirius?” Remus whispered, their mouths so close that Remus’ lip caught on Sirius’ tooth. Sirius swallowed hard.

“Yeah?”

“I love you too.” Sirius wrapped his hands around Remus’ neck and pulled him in, kissing him firmly. Remus’ arms snaked around Sirius’ waist and Sirius sighed as he felt the familiar pressure of Remus’ hands pressing into the small of his back. He felt Remus’ lips part and slid his tongue into Remus’ mouth, kissing him harder, more deeply, longing for what he’d been denied for over a decade. Remus tugged Sirius into the apartment, closing the door behind him, his lips still on Sirius’. He threads his fingers through Sirius’ hair and sighed into his mouth.

They break apart, both breathing heavily and holding each other close. Remus closes his eyes, resting his forehead against Sirius’, his hand wrapped around Sirius’ neck. Sirius put his finger through one of Remus’ soft, springy curls and Remus laughed. Sirius pulled back and opened his eyes to see Remus’ smile.

“You’re beautiful,” he said to Remus quietly. Remus looked away and blushed, a shy smile playing on his lips. Suddenly, the clock on the wall caught Sirius’ eye.

“Shit,” he said. “I have to go soon.” Remus’ smile faded slightly.

“Where to?” he asked, wrapping his arms possessively around Sirius’ waist.

“I promised Harry that I’d go to dinner with him at the Weasleys,” Sirius said.

“Oh.”

“Hey,” Sirius said, looking up, “why don’t you come?”

“What?”

“Why don’t you come?”

“You can’t just invite me to somebody else’s house,” Remus said with a laugh.

“Oh come on, Molly and Arthur won’t mind,” Sirius said. “You know them, the more the merrier.”

“I don’t know, Sirius,” Remus said, uncertainly. “They didn’t invite me; I don’t want to intrude.”

“Please come,” Sirius said. “For me?” He pouted and Remus rolled his eyes. “Really, Rem, please come,” Sirius added, looking hopefully into Remus’ golden honey eyes.

“Oh alright,” Remus said with a smile. “I’m asking Molly first though.”

“Okay,” Sirius said brightly.

“You don’t think Harry will mind?” Remus asked.

“No, why would he?” Sirius asked but Remus merely shrugged. “Harry convinced me to do this, y’know,” Sirius added.

“He did?”

“Yeah,” Sirius said. “He basically told me exactly what James told me when we were at Hogwarts the first time I… you know. What would we do without the Potters, right?” Remus grinned.

“What indeed,” he said. “They’re frighteningly similar aren’t they? James and Harry?”

“Yeah,” Sirius said. “He’s like Lily as well.”

“Yeah,” Remus said. “A lot like her. They’d be so proud of him.”

“You should tell him that,” Sirius said. “I think he’d like to hear it.” Remus nodded.

“Yeah, he would.” Remus glanced at the clock. “How long do we have before we have to go?” he asked.

“Five minutes,” Sirius said.

“Five minutes?” Remus said. “I can work with that.” He smirked and leaned towards Sirius pressing their lips together. And as he does, Remus found himself feeling lucky. Here he was, alive at the end of both Wizarding Wars, holding the love of his life in his arms. He’s not young anymore, not carefree but he’s still very much in love. And Sirius loves him back. Sirius had come to tell him that he still loves Remus despite everything. And that was more than Remus had ever dared to hope for. And just for a second, he let himself consider that maybe, just maybe, he could be happy again.

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marauders-venting · 2 years

Text

The Untimely Return

pairing: wolfstar (kind of)

genre: angsty drabble

warnings: slight mentions of de@th, general sadness and grief

words: 603

a/n: i’m not entirely sure what this is tbh but uhh i’m posting it anyway i suppose

Remus was searching through the boxes in the storage unit of the building. He didn’t have many things down there but he thought he may have shoved some of his old drawings down here, along with some of his notes for school. He had been hired for the Defence Against the Dark Arts post at Hogwarts last night and it had only just occurred to him that he needed to prepare actual classes. He thought that looking through his old school notes might be a good start. He hadn’t kept most of his old school notebook but there were a few that had drawings of his in the back that he quite liked; he remembered putting them in a box when he had first moved in with Sirius.

He found a thick stack of notebooks and pulled it out. Most of them did have drawings on the back and the notes from his classes were still there. However, they all seemed to be from Divination, where he had been bored enough to draw and not from DADA, which was what he needed now. He flipped through all of the notebooks — partly looking for a scrap of notes that may have been from DADA and partly criticising his fourteen-year-old self’s drawing — when one of them caught his eye. It didn’t have any drawings on it but at the bottom of the parchment in big, loopy cursive that was definitely not his own were two words.

Sirius Lupin

Remus slammed the notebook shut so quickly a puff of dust came out. He shoved all of the notebooks back into the box, put the box back in its place and hurried upstairs to his tiny apartment, his breaths quick and shallow. Remus couldn’t deal with this right now. He didn’t have the time or the energy. He slowed his walk up the stairs, taking deep breaths and trying to push every thought of him out of his mind. When Remus gets to his apartment, he sees that a rolled-up newspaper has been left on the doorstep. He picks it up and steps inside, removing the piece of string keeping it rolled up and opening it. He stops dead. There, staring up at him from the front page is his face. Sirius’ face.

Sirius Black - The First-Ever Break Out From Azkaban

Sirius Black, possibly the most infamous prisoner ever to be held in Azkaban fortress, escaped from his prison cell last night, the Ministry of Magic confirmed today.

Fuck. Remus threw the paper across the room but it hit the wall and fell to the floor, Sirius still looking at him cover still facing up. But Sirius looked different. His face was waxy, his eyes were sunken, his hair matted and messy. But his eyes had a spark in them; they looked alive. He only barely resembled the gorgeous boy that Remus had fallen in love with. That spark in his eyes, a spark of passion too similar to the one Sirius’ eyes had twinkled with every time he kissed Remus. It was all far too familiar. Remus could scream. Remus could cry.

A word from the article floated back into his mind. “... escaped from his prison cell last night…” Last night. The same night Dumbledore had offered Remus the DADA job. And now Remus was left to wonder if Sirius would look for him if Sirius would try to find him now that he’d escaped if Sirius would kill him like he had every one of their friends if Sirius had ever really loved him the real reason he’d been offered this teaching post.

#Remus Lupin #remus lupin angst #professor lupin #Sirius Black #sirius black angst #moony #padfoot #wolfstar #wolfstar angst #wolfstar drabble #remus x sirius #sirius x remus #Marauders #marauders era #marauders drabble

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marauders-venting · 2 years

Text

The Day After

pairing: wolfstar (kind of)

genre: angst. very painful angst

warnings: lots of character de@th, murder, grief, hints at su*cidal thoughts (very vague and only in the last few lines)

words: 4899

note: this is basically a part 2 for ‘Halloween, 1981′ but i like this title better sooooo

a/n: holy shit this is so fucking sad. CHECK THE WARNINGS, THEY’RE VERY IMPORTANT!! and, just a word of advice, don’t read this in public. cause I cried while writing this. a lot. I went through an entire box of tissues for writing and editing.

this was a request from @/blanca_silvae on instagram :)

Sirius had slammed the door behind him, tears sparking his eyes. Some small part in the back of his mind felt guilty for losing his temper at Remus when all Remus had tried to do was talk to him. But he knew that he shouldn’t. He shouldn’t feel guilty for yelling at Voldemort’s spy. He shouldn’t be in love with Voldemort’s spy either. But he still was. He couldn’t help it.

Sirius pulled up the hood of his jacket and walked on but his mind kept wandering back to the conversation with Remus. He thought about how gently Remus had said his name. He thought of the way Remus had brushed his hand under the sheets. Something felt wrong. This isn’t right, Sirius thought. He searched for a dark, isolated ally and Apparated to Peter’s hideout. He hurried up the stairs to Peter’s flat and knocked on the door. There was no response.

“Peter?” Sirius called. Still no response. “Peter, it’s Sirius.” Still nothing. “Peter, open the door or I’ll knock it down!” Sirius tried the door handle and was surprised to find it unlocked. He looked around. Peter’s hiding place was empty. But what was even stranger is that there’s no sign of a struggle. Peter wasn’t attacked. He… left. Sirius’ anxiety began to grow. What the fuck is going on? James. He had to check on Lily, James and Harry. He left the flat and Disapparated to Godric’s Hollow. He ran as fast as his legs would let him, so fast he was seconds away from tripping. But then he stopped dead in front of Lily and James’ house. It looked the same. The same as it always had. But something was wrong. Sirius could feel it. Sirius’ heart is pounding in his chest; he’s never been so afraid in his entire life. He pushes open the gate with shaking hands and steps over the threshold. He slowly opened the front door steps inside. Sirius freezes.

“No.” The word was barely a whisper. No. Sirius chokes on the tears he’s holding back. This can’t be real. His heart stops beating, he can’t breathe, the world must have ended. Because James Potter can’t possibly be dead. Sirius falls to his knees.

“James,” he croaks out. “Prongs, wake up. Please, James, please wake up. You’re not… you’re not… wake up, James. You have to be okay, you… I promised… I promised…” I promised I’d take care of you. But James doesn’t wake up. And Sirius can’t hold the tears back anymore. Because there was James, lying on the floor, stone-cold, his glasses askew. Dead. James is dead. Sirius lets out a strangled scream. This isn’t real! screams a voice in his head. It’s not real. Except it is. Because if it wasn’t, James would be awake by now. He’d be sitting up and talking to Sirius and laughing with him as he should be. But he’s not. Because he’s dead. The words echo through Sirius’ mind and he can’t stop it.

Sirius turns his head; he can’t bear to look at James a moment longer. He notices a piece of paper on the floor and picks it up. It’s a photo of them. Lily, James and Harry. James in a leather jacket, Lily wearing an angel’s halo and Harry in an adorable pumpkin costume. Sirius doesn’t bother to try to stem the flow of tears but he doesn’t let it wet the picture. He turns it over and sees James’ messy handwriting on the back.

Dear Moony & Padfoot,

Happy Halloween! We’re so sorry you couldn’t be here to celebrate with us. We miss you terribly. Harry keeps asking for the both of you, he misses his uncles too. Sirius, yes I did dress up as you again. Don’t let it get to your head though, you egotistical bastard :)

All our love,

James, Lily & Harry.

Sirius can’t do anything but cry. James dressed up as him. James dressed up as him. James had trusted him. And Sirius had let him down.

Suddenly, Sirius’ hands stop shaking and a feeling of dread washes over him. Lily and Harry. If James is… Maybe they got away, Sirius thinks. Maybe they’re okay, maybe they’re not…

Sirius slips it into his pocket and stands up. He starts walking away from James even though every fiber in his body screams at him not to leave James alone. He clenches his fists and doesn’t look back. He can’t help James. But maybe he can help Lily and Harry. Maybe he can still keep part of his promise. A part of him doesn’t want to see, doesn’t want to know for certain. But he has to. So he walks up the stairs. Sirius feels like he might collapse with every step he forces himself to take. And when Sirius sees Lily, her flaming red hair tossed out in a fan on the floor, her expression blank, her unmoving body, he thinks he might be sick. Sirius screams and buries his face. But then, with a jolt, Sirius hears a cry coming from somewhere nearby. His neck snaps up and he turns around. It was Harry. Harry is sitting in the crib, crying. Harry is alive. He’s alive. But beside Harry’s crib on the floor is a horror that Sirius had never imagined that he would live to see. Voldemort. But not just Voldemort. Voldemort’s dead body. Holy shit, Sirius thinks. Voldemort is dead. Voldemort is dead and Harry is alive. But how could Sirius be sure that he was really dead? If he wasn’t dead, you would be, says a voice in his head.

“Pa’foot!” Harry calls. The shock had stemmed Sirius’ flow of tears but his eyes were glistening again.

“Hey Harry,” he says, picking Harry up from his crib. “Hey. You’re okay. You’re okay, Prongslet.” Sirius chokes on the nickname. Prongslet. Prongs’ kid. Prongs is dead. Harry’s dad is dead. James is… dead. But Harry’s alive. And Voldemort is dead. Voldemort is dead. Sirius turns back to make sure he hadn’t imagined it. But it was still there. Voldemort’s body is on the floor, unmoving. Far too close to Lily’s for Sirius’ liking. How? How was this even possible? How was any of this possible? They’d been so careful, taken so many precautions. It had to mean that… Peter had betrayed Lily and James? No, it can’t be. The boy they’d grown up with, one of their best friends in the world, a man they’d trusted. Someone Sirius had trusted. Peter couldn’t have done this. But how else could Voldemort have found Lily and James? He couldn’t have. It’s impossible. And then Sirius remembers Peter’s empty apartment. The feeling that something was wrong. He thinks of how quick he’d been to suspect Remus. But only after… only after Peter had suggested it. The thought makes Sirius’ head hurt; he’s so fucking confused.

“Sirius?” says a voice from behind him.

“Hagrid?” Sirius says, turning around. “What are you doing here?”

“Dumbledore sent me,” Hagrid says, “to pick Harry up and bring him to his aunt and uncle’s house.”

“His aunt and—? You mean the Dursleys?” Sirius says. “You can’t send him there. Let me take him, Hagrid, I’m his godfather. I’m his uncle, too.”

“I’m sorry, Sirius, my orders from Dumbledore were clear,” Hagrid says sadly.

“But Lily and James—” Sirius chokes again. He can’t even say their names.

“Pa’foot?” Harry says. But Sirius is crying so hard he can’t even respond. He just holds Harry close, protecting him from a threat that’s no longer there. Too little, way too fucking late.

“Sirius, it’ll be okay,” Hagrid says, gently but he’s sniffing as well. “They… they’re in a better place now.” But Sirius doesn’t care. He wants Lily and James here. With him. But they aren’t. They’re gone. And it’s Sirius’ fault. He was the one who had fucked up, he was the one Lily and James had trusted to keep them safe. And he had failed. All this is his fault. I killed them, Sirius thinks, it was me. At that moment, Sirius makes a decision. He knows what lies in store for him. He will face the consequences of his actions. But first, he has to do what little he can.

“Hagrid, can you help me move L–Lily?” Sirius asked. “I–I think she’d want to be next to James and not that.” He gestured at Voldemort with his foot.

“Of course,” Hagrid said. He picked Lily up gently and carried her downstairs. Sirius carries Harry downstairs but not before covering Harry’s eyes and kicking Voldemort as hard as he can. Sirius gently wraps Harry in a blanket and kisses his forehead, still crying.

“Goodbye, Prongslet,” he says, “I’m gonna miss you so much. But you’re gonna be okay. I love you so, so much. Bye-bye, Harry.” He hands Harry to Hagrid.

“Pa’foot?” Harry says again. He starts crying and reaches for Sirius who’s trying not to cry harder.

“Try rocking him,” Sirius says. Hagrid looks alarmed but carefully does as Sirius said.

“It’s okay, Harry,” Sirius says, letting Harry’s hand latch onto his finger. “This is Hagrid, remember him? He played with you once.” Harry looks up at Hagrid and moves his hand from Sirius’ finger to Hagrid’s beard.

“Go now, while he’s still calm,” Sirius says. “You can take my bike, I won’t need it anymore.” Sirius knows what fate had in store for him. And what’s more than that he knows he deserves it.

“Thanks, Sirius,” Hagrid says. “And it’s going to be okay. I know it’s sad but these things pass.” He gives Sirius a gruffy, one-armed hug.

“Thanks,” Sirius says but he can’t even force a smile. “Just be careful with Harry. Oh and could you give this to Remus?”

“Why don’t you give it to him yourself?” Hagrid asks, confused.

“Please,” Sirius says.

“Alright,” Hagrid says. “And don’t worry, I’ll be careful.” He held Harry surprisingly gently considering his strength, cradling him in the bundle of blankets that Sirius had wrapped him in.

“Bye, Hagrid,” Sirius says.

“Bye, Sirius.” Hagrid turns to leave and Sirius takes one last look at Harry. His godson.

“Bye, Harry.” He barely whispers it. Sirius knows that nobody heard him but he needed to say it anyway. He hears Hagrid start Elvendork and when the sound fades away, Sirius is left in silence. But it’s a different kind of silence. A kind he’s heard before too many times. The silence of the dead. It’s the loudest silence Sirius has ever heard and yet the quietest too. But he breaks it when he collapses in sobs on the floor. He doesn’t know how long he stays on the floor, crying himself dry but suddenly he stops abruptly. The reality of what Peter did seemed to hit him like a train. The pieces fall into place and suddenly Sirius can see it. He can see it but he doesn’t want to believe it. He needs proof, confirmation, something. And Sirius is going to have to find it himself.

Sirius takes one last look at Lily and James, at his best friends, at his family before leaving. He Apparates back to Peter’s flat. Sirius turns the place upside down and inside out but he can’t find a thing. The only thing that seemed to be out of place was a stack of blank pieces of parchment on the small kitchen table. Sirius picks up one of the pieces and turns it over. He knows that the Death Eaters invented a spell to conceal their writing. Was it possible that Peter had not only betrayed Lily and James but that he’d actually been a Death Eater? That he had been Voldemort’s spy all along? The one the Order had been chasing after for so long? There’s only one way to find out. Thankfully, the Order had long since discovered how to decipher the hidden writing. Sirius casts the spell and holds his breath. His heart sinks and tears prick his eyes. Writing appears on the paper.

Wormtail -

I got the last McKinnon boy, trailing the girl now. Marla or Marlene or something, right? Need information on her magical power level. She’s not a mudblood so I’m guessing she can handle a wand. Tell me everything you know.

Travers.

Sirius claps a hand to his mouth. Marlene had been killed nearly a year ago. Peter had been involved in that? How long had he been passing information to the Death Eaters? And the note… the note was addressed to Wormtail. The nickname Sirius had thought of. The nickname he had come up with for one of his best friends, a boy he loved and cared about. Sirius feels the betrayal like an axe in his back. He casts the spell on another piece of parchment, his hands shaking with fear of what else he might discover about his former friend. And then he finds what he’s been looking for.

Corner of Copperfield Lane after the cover is blown.

- Wormtail

Peter’s handwriting. Peter wrote this letter. This is where Sirius will find him. After the cover is blown. Peter knows that what he did won’t remain a secret. He knows that he won’t be a spy much longer so he’s meeting up with his fucking Death Eater buddies to protect him. He’s openly going over to Voldemort’s side.

All Sirius feels is rage. Blind, uncontrollable rage. His tears of grief mix with hot burning tears of fury. He won’t let Peter get away with this. Peter doesn’t know that Sirius is onto him. Sirius crumples the letters and throws them angrily onto the floor. He grips his wand tightly and Apparates. He’ll catch Peter. Then he’ll kill Peter. Sirius is going to kill Peter for what he’s done.

---------

“Peter!” Sirius yells. He has Peter cornered now, against the wall, his wand pointed right at him.

“Lily and James, Sirius, how could you?” Peter yells.

“How dare—” Sirius growls.

“You killed them, Sirius, it was all you.”

“You son of a bitch!” Sirius screams. Then suddenly there’s a sound from behind him. Sirius spins around and his jaw drops. Half of the people in the street had fallen to the floor. Dead. Sirius turns back to Peter and notices what he hadn’t seen before: Peter is holding his wand behind his back.

“What have you done?” Sirius says quietly, his wand still pointed at Peter. “Stupef—” But before Sirius could even say the incantation, Peter was gone. Replaced by a rat scurrying into the gutter and leaving behind a single bloody finger. That scheming, traitorous rat. Sirius would have screamed it. But he’s paralyzed.

This had been a trap from the start. Sirius could see that now. He had thought he had outsmarted Peter, that he had tracked him down and he would get revenge. But now he was realizing that it was entirely the other way around. The letter in Peter’s writing had never been sent nor was it addressed to anybody. It wasn’t meant to be sent. It was meant for Sirius. It was meant as a trick. They hadn’t told anybody that they changed the Secret Keeper. Not Dumbledore, not McGonagall, not anybody from the Order. Not even Remus. They all think the Secret Keeper was Sirius. And Sirius has no proof that suggests otherwise. Peter had outsmarted him for the second time tonight. He had planned this. And Sirius could do nothing.

Aurors showed up within minutes and arrested Sirius. They told him that he would be sentenced to life in Azkaban and that, by the order of Bartemius Crouch, Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, he would go without a trial. Sirius wanted to cry. He wanted to scream. But he didn’t do any of those things. Instead, he laughed. He must seem mad to the Aurors arresting him. Maybe he’s going mad. Mad from grief, from pain. He laughs at himself. At how blind he was to not see that it was Peter all along. Peter, not Remus. How could he have suspected Remus, his Moony? And now Lily and James had suffered the consequences. And Harry… Harry is an orphan because of him. He laughed at his own foolishness. His fucking stupidity ruined everything.

Sirius doesn’t fight the Aurors. He goes willingly to Azkaban. He won’t try to reach out to Remus or Harry. They’ll be better off without him. He’ll spend the rest of his days rotting here. Just like he deserves.

---------

When Remus woke up the day after Sirius stormed out, he didn’t notice anything wrong. Until he changed and went into the living room and found that Sirius wasn’t home yet. He started to worry now. Yes, he and Sirius had fought but that didn’t mean he wanted Sirius hurt. And Sirius had been out all night. While they’re in the middle of a war. Relax, he told himself, he’s probably just at Lily and James’. Or Peter’s. Remus took a deep breath and clenched his fists. He’s okay.

Remus picked up the phone and dialled Lily and James’ number. It went straight to voicemail. He tried Peter’s but the same thing happened. Remus’ worry increased. What if—? No, he told himself, no, everything is fine. Just go over. Go to Godric’s Hollow and talk to them. Remus changed faster than he had in his life and Disapparated. He walked down the street but stopped at the sight in front of Lily and James’ house. People were walking around it. Remus spotted Mad-eye Moody and approached him.

“Mad-eye? What the hell happened here? What’s going on? Where…. Where is everybody? Where are Lily and James and Harry? Where’s Sirius? Wha– what the fuck is going on?”

Moody gave him a strange and unreadable look. Well, no. It wasn’t unreadable but it looked to Remus like sadness and Remus wasn’t sure that Moody was capable of that emotion.

“Nobody’s told you?” he said.

“Told me what?” Remus said, frustrated. “Just… what’s going on? What, have they switched locations or something?” Even as Remus said it he knew it wasn’t true.

“Look, kid, there’s no easy way to say this,” Moody said. “Last night, Voldemort came here. He killed Lily and James.”

“That’s impossible,” Remus said without hesitation. He was shaking his head at the floor. “No, that’s impossible. They were using the Fidelius Charm. Sirius was their Secret Keeper, it’s— you’re not really telling me that your theory is that Sirius… Sirius…” Remus looked up at Moody.

“It’s true,” he said. “Black betrayed your friends. He sold them out to Voldemort.”

“H–He didn’t,” Remus said. “He wouldn’t. Where is he? I need to talk to him.”

“He was arrested last night and sentenced to life in Azkaban.”

“Sentenced? Without a trial?” Remus said, his voice hollow and empty.

“I’m afraid so,” Moody said. “I’m sorry, kid.”

“But this isn’t— they’re not dead,” Remus insisted. “They’re not dead, Lily and James aren’t… and Harry’s just a baby, he’s not dead.”

“No, he isn’t,” Moody said. “Harry survived. We’re not quite sure how yet but he’s alive. Your friends weren’t so lucky.” This is ridiculous, Remus wanted to say. This doesn’t make sense. It’s a lie. But then somebody opened the door to the Potter’s household and before it swung shut again, Remus caught a glimpse of a person lying on the floor. A flaming red hair spread out on the ground.

“Lily,” he whispered. And next to her, a dark-haired man with round glasses. Dead. Remus can’t say a word. He’s frozen. Paralyzed. The tears prick his eyes and flow down his cheeks. They’re dead. Really dead. Moody wasn’t lying. And Sirius killed them? No. That part had to be a lie.

Remus hadn’t noticed how loud he was sobbing. All of the Aurors and healers around them had begun to stare but Remus had never cared about anything less.

“Remus, there’s something else you should know,” Moody said quietly. “That Pettigrew boy, you were friends with him too, weren’t you?”

“Peter,” Remus said. He had to find Peter. Maybe Peter would know what to do. Maybe Peter could explain why none of this was real. “Where is he? I should talk to him.”

“You can’t,” Moody said.

“What?” Remus asked. “Why not?”

“Last night, Peter went for Black, to try and stop him. Black killed him too. Blew him into pieces—”

“Stop!” Remus said. “It wasn’t Sirius.”

“You have to face the facts, kid,” Moody said grimly.

“I have to go,” Remus said. He couldn’t keep standing much longer anyway. He couldn’t unsee the image of Lily and James’ lifeless bodies on the ice-cold floor. He couldn’t stop hearing the words ringing in his head: He killed Lily and James, Black betrayed your friends, Black killed him too, blew him into pieces. Remus Apparated back to his and Sirius’ apartment and fell to his knees, collapsing in heavy sobs. Lily and James are dead. He couldn’t deny it. He’d seen them with his own eyes. Never again would he hear the sarcasm dripping from Lily’s voice or see her soft, comforting smile. He would never hear James laugh again, never see him grin like the loveable idiot he is. Was. How quickly it had ended, how quickly they had gone from being living breathing people to being a mere memory in Remus’ mind. How quickly it had happened to them all. First Mary, then Marlene and Dorcas, and now Lily and James. And Peter… Peter was dead too? How could this be? How could Remus lose everyone he’d ever loved? How had he lost all his best friends in a single night? Not everybody. Sirius. Remus still had Sirius. He refused to believe what Moody had said. Sirius had not killed their friends. Sirius, his boyfriend, the love of his life. That boy wouldn’t hurt a fly.

He sold them out to Voldemort. Moody’s words. Yes, Sirius had been the Secret Keeper. But there had to be some kind of explanation. There were plenty of ways to force someone to reveal a secret. Veritaserum, for one. And now Sirius was suffering in Azkaban for nothing.

---------

At least Remus knew where Sirius was. Where, he was left to wonder, is Harry? Remus wished he had asked Moody more questions. Remus was missing so many details about what had happened. He had to know. He needs to know exactly what happened. He needs a way to prove Sirius’ innocence. He needs to think of something, anything, other than… Lily’s pale, motionless hands, James’ cold, lifeless expression; Remus couldn’t get rid of them, he couldn’t erase the image… Remus gripped the chair he’s sitting on so tightly his knuckles turn white. Stop, he told himself. He tried to turn his thoughts back to something else.

He had opened the Daily Prophet earlier, mostly to distract himself (they’re dead; they’re all gone) but the newspaper had only confused him more. Moody said that Harry survived… the Prophet said that not only had he survived, but he survived despite being hit by a Killing Curse. And Voldemort was dead. That had been confirmed by the Prophet too. How, Remus did not know, but he chose to believe it. The Prophet also reported that people were celebrating. Celebrating as though two people hadn’t been killed, as though a baby hadn’t been orphaned, as though Remus hadn’t lost everybody he loved in one night.

Remus didn’t have answers but he knew who would. And Remus could not sit and do nothing. He had to act. So he Apparated just outside the skirts of Hogwarts and walked inside. He hurried through the school, up the stairs to Dumbledore’s office and knocked on the door.

“Come in,” said Dumbledore’s voice. “Ah, Mr Lupin. Do sit down. Let me begin by saying that I am terribly sorry for your loss.” Remus nodded.

“Thank you, professor,” he said.

“I know why you are here,” Dumbledore said quietly. “But I’m afraid I cannot help you. I’m sorry.”

“It wasn’t Sirius,” Remus blurted out. “It wasn’t him.”

“Mr Lupin, I understand how difficult this must be for you,” Dumbledore said. “But there is nothing I can do.”

“But you’re on the Wizengamot!” Remus exclaimed. “You can get him a trial. Just a trial, that’s all. Please.”

“Sirius was the Potter’s Secret Keeper. He was the only one who could’ve revealed the location.”

“I know,” Remus said, “I know but maybe… there has to be some other explanation. He wouldn’t… he didn’t murder Peter. And Sirius would never sell Lily and James to Voldemort, I know he wouldn’t. And Harry… he loved Harry like a son. He wouldn’t do this.”

“Sometimes the people we love do things we never imagined they would,” Dumbledore said gravely.

“HE DIDN’T FUCKING DO IT!” Remus roared. He was crying, the tears he’d been suppressing for hours pouring down his cheeks. “Please, professor, please just get him a trial. That’s all I’m asking. Just give him a chance to explain. All my friends are d-dead. He’s the only one left. And he’s not a killer. I know he isn’t. Please. Please.”

“I’m sorry, Remus,” Dumbledore said. His eyes looked sad but his voice sounded the same. Insufferably calm. “I cannot help you. But I shall give you a piece of advice: denial does not help the pain.”

“What about Harry then?” Remus said. “If you can’t help me, help Harry. Sirius is Harry’s godfather. Harry has no parents and no godfather unless you do something about it.”

“I have already made accommodations for Harry to live with his aunt and uncle.” Remus had to think for a moment.

“You mean the Dursleys?” Remus said. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

“I most certainly am not,” Dumbledore said.

“The Dursleys hate magic and everything to do with it,” Remus said. “Give him to me then, I’ll take care of him.”

“Remus, do you honestly believe that is a wise decision?” Dumbledore asked.

“Better than leaving him with the fucking Dursleys,” Remus said.

“Is it really?” Dumbledore asked. Remus was about to respond that of course it is but he hesitated. What was worse, sending Harry to live with Lily’s relatives that had a bit of a grudge against her or sending Harry to live with someone who might tear him to shreds once a month? The Dursleys may hate magic but surely, once they hear the situation they’ll get over themselves. They are all adults after all. They would grow up once they learnt of the tragedy that had occurred. Harry would be better off there. Far better off than with a broken werewolf or a murderous godfather. Was Sirius really murderous? Remus struggled to admit it but he must be. Otherwise, Dumbledore wouldn’t push so hard against him. Otherwise, he would’ve gotten a trial by explaining himself to the authorities who arrested him. Otherwise, Lily, James and Peter would not be dead. A wave of hurt and anger and crushing grief overcame Remus.

“I’m going to leave now,” Remus said. Dumbledore was saying words to him but Remus wasn’t listening. He turned around and left the office, walking out onto the school grounds.

He had loved Sirius. Sirius had been everything to him. He still is. Voldemort’s spy. He thought Sirius had loved him too. But he couldn’t have. If Sirius had ever loved him, truly loved him, he wouldn’t have done this.

“Remus?” said a voice. “Remus!” Remus turned. Hagrid was coming towards him. “Where are you headed?”

“Home,” Remus said. He didn’t recognize the sound of his own voice. “I’m sorry, Hagrid, I really have to go.”

“Alright,” Hagrid said. “But before you do, I have to give you something. I wasn’t sure whether I should give it to you or not but I think it’s only right that you have it. It’s not really up to me.” He handed Remus a piece of paper. A photo. Lily, James and Harry in their Halloween costumes. There’s a note on the back, written in James’ chaotic handwriting. Tears filled Remus’ eyes as he read it. Harry had asked for him? A wave of guilt washed over Remus but a voice in his head reminded him that it’s for the best. Harry will be safer without him. The next part made Remus’ heart clench. He couldn’t breathe.

“Thanks, Hagrid,” Remus choked out. “But I really do have to go.”

“That’s alright,” Hagrid said. “It’ll get better, Remus. Just give it time.” Remus nodded but he didn’t believe it. He just walked the short distance out of the grounds and Apparated home where, for what felt like the millionth time today, he was reduced to a puddle of tears and strangled cries. James had dressed up as Sirius for Halloween. Because he loved Sirius. Because he saw a brother in Sirius. And Sirius had… Sirius had killed all of Remus’ friends, every last one. He killed the idea that Remus had had of who his boyfriend was. He killed the idea of us, Remus thought. And yet he had left Remus alive. He had left Remus alone. Remus found himself wishing Sirius had finished the job. If he was going to bring an end to Remus’ entire world, if he was going to kill the marauders, he should’ve killed them all. It would’ve been less painful for Remus if he had.

24 notes · View notes

marauders-venting · 2 years

Text

Flowers & First Dates

pairing: wolfstar (remus x sirius)

genre: fluff & a little angst (but mostly fluff)

warnings: nightmares, minor panic attack, mentions of (verbal) child abuse/neglect

words: 4690

a/n: hellooooo i’m back :) sorry for the gap, school has been very stressful but my exams for this term are over so hopefully i’ll have more time to write

this was a request from someone on Instagram :D

Sirius watched the fire consume the hideous words in the letter his mother had sent him. It was far past midnight but he was sitting on the common room couch, his legs tucked against his chest, arms folded over his knees, chin resting on his arms, staring into the fireplace watching as the corner of the paper caught flames and burned to ash. The tears in his eyes blurred his vision but the bright fiery orange of the flame was clear enough.

“Sirius?” Sirius’ head turned quickly in the direction of the voice. Remus was standing at the entrance to the staircase of the boy’s dormitories.

“Remus? What are you doing up?”

“I could ask you the same,” Remus said.

“Can’t sleep,” Sirius said simply.

“Is everything okay?” Remus asked, sitting down beside him.

“Yeah, everything’s fine,” Sirius lied. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, just thirsty,” Remus smiled. He followed Sirius’ gaze to the fireplace and the burning paper caught his eye. His smile faded. “What’s in the fire?”

“It’s… nothing.”

“Sirius,” Remus said, “we don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. But just remember that I’m here for you, okay? And James and Peter are too. We love you.” Sirius snuggled closer.

“Thank you,” he said quietly.

“Anytime, love,” Remus said. “Are you cold?”

“A little.”

“Here, take my sweater.” Remus pulled the sweater over his head, his shirt riding up, and Sirius caught himself staring at the strip of exposed skin in Remus’ midsection.

“See something you like?” Remus said, smirking as he handed Sirius his sweater and pulled his shirt back down.

“Shut up,” Sirius said, pulling the sweater over his head (which conveniently hid the blush on his cheeks). Remus tried to stifle a yawn but Sirius noticed. “Go back to bed, Moons.”

“No, I’d rather stay here with you,” Remus said.

“You’re tired,” Sirius said gently.

“I don’t care.”

“Well, I do.”

“Will you come to sleep as well?” Remus asked but Sirius hesitated to reply.

“Yeah, I suppose I should,” he said eventually.

“Then let’s go,” Remus said. He stood up and held out his hand to Sirius. Sirius took it and they walked up the stairs to their dorm together.

“Good night,” Remus whispered once they were in the room.

“Good night, Moony.” Remus bit his lip and hesitated for a moment before kissing Sirius lightly on the lips. Sirius smiled at him and squeezed his hand before crawling into bed.

Remus had made Sirius feel much better but it still took him hours to fall asleep. Thoughts of his family kept intruding on his mind and pushing sleep away. Sirius kept repeating Remus’ words to him in his mind. We love you. He thought of Remus’ lips on his. In the end, Sirius fell asleep imagining what tomorrow would be like when he and Remus went on their first proper date.

Remus and Sirius had been going out for a week now. Sirius had unintentionally revealed to Remus that he had feelings for him, feelings that people who are just friends shouldn’t have for each other. At first, he was mortified with himself, sure that Remus would say that he could never like Sirius in that way and hate him for ruining their friendship. But Remus had shut him up with a kiss. Sirius discovered, to his great surprise, that they had both liked each other for almost a year and had simply been good at hiding it (“you were terrible at hiding it!” James had said, overhearing their conversation and deciding it was his business for some reason. “You two are just equally oblivious.” “Shut up, Prongs!” “Fuck off, James!”)

Sirius had asked Remus to go out with him on the next Hogsmeade weekend, which just so happened to be tomorrow. Sirius had planned out the date down to the last detail in his mind. He’d been wanting to take Remus out all year and he was determined to have the perfect date. And it was the thought of Remus’ smile that finally got Sirius to sleep.

The following morning, Sirius, Remus and Peter were rudely awoken by James fucking Potter being a clumsy son of a bitch and somehow managing to break the pole holding up the shower curtain and making a loud noise.

“Honestly, James how do you fucking manage?” Remus sighed, getting out of bed.

“Well, look at the bright side,” James said. “Now you get to spend more time in Hogsmeade because you won’t be sleeping for half the day.”

“For your information,” Sirius said from his bed. “Some of us like sleeping for half the day. And no, I will not forgive you for waking me at an ungodly hour in the morning.”

“Whatever,” James said, rolling his eyes. “I’m going to breakfast. Anyone coming?”

“I suppose I will,” Peter said, “since I’m already awake.” Once they left, Remus sat down at the foot of Sirius’ bed and trailed his finger down Sirius’ arms.

“I hate James,” Sirius said, checking his watch. “It’s too early to think.”

“Agreed,” Remus yawned. “You should go back to sleep, Pads.”

“Nah, I’d rather be with you,” Sirius said, sitting up.

“Are you sure you’re up for today?” Remus asked. “We can stay in, I don’t mind.”

“Of course, I’m up for it, Moony,” Sirius said. “You’re not getting out of our date that easily.”

“I don’t want to get out of—”

“I know, I know, I’m just teasing,” Sirius said. “Come on, let’s go.”

By the time they got to breakfast, James and Peter had left for Hogsmeade. It was only quarter to ten. They ate little, not having much of an appetite that early in the morning and left for Hogsmeade.

---------

“Butterbeer or iced coffee?” Remus asked once they arrived in the Three Broomsticks.

“What kind of a question is that?” Sirius snorted.

“Iced coffee it is,” Remus grinned. They paid for their drinks and left the Three Broomsticks.

“Where do you want to go?” Remus asked.

“Well, I’d say Honeydukes but it’ll be full of Hogwarts students now so we should probably wait until later,” Sirius said. “So I don’t mind.” Remus had never seen the shy smile that spread across Sirius’ face and it was making his heart beat faster. He suddenly became very aware of the proximity between the two of them.

Remus sipped his coffee but almost choked on it when his hand brushed Sirius’. He looked down at the floor to hide the blush blooming on his cheeks. Sirius linked his pinkie with Remus’ and Remus couldn’t help taking a peek at Sirius out of the corner of his eye and only to find Sirius smirking at him. He internally cursed himself for being so bloody obvious.

“Can I, um… is it okay if I hold your hand?” Sirius asked quietly. Not fucking helping, Remus thought as he felt his face grow warmer still.

“I— yeah, of course,” Remus said. “Why wouldn’t it be?”

“I wasn’t sure if you wanted people to know about this,” Sirius said, lacing his fingers with Remus’ properly this time. “About… us. I mean, you’re not fully out, right?” Remus thought about it for a moment. Sirius was technically right. He was not out to a lot of people. But then he shook his head.

“I’m out to the people who matter,” he said. “I don’t care if or how other people find out.” Sirius nodded. “What about you though? Your family…”

“They can’t do anything worse than they’ve already done,” Sirius said. “I already ran away and that letter last night was just them writing to tell me that I’ve been officially disowned and burned off the tapestry.”

“Oh,” Remus said. “Sirius, don’t you want to—”

“Not today, Moony,” Sirius cut in. “I’m not letting them ruin today.”

“Okay,” Remus nodded. “Then I guess we could just wander for a while. Unless you have someplace specific in mind?”

“I know you want to go to the bookstore, Moons,” Sirius said. “Come on, I’m taking you.” Remus grinned.

“Well, if you insist,” he joked. Sirius laughed and allowed Remus to drag him to the bookstore where he watched Remus browse for nearly an hour and a half. Occasionally Remus would spot a book that he’d read and point it out to Sirius who would ask about it and listen fondly as Remus would excitedly tell him about his favourite characters or rant about everything wrong with the book.

“Honestly, I just bought this one because I thought the cover was pretty but it ended up being pretty good and… and I just realised I’ve been talking this entire time. I’m so sorry, I’ll be shutting up now.” Remus looked down at the ground, twisting his fingers together.

“You have nothing to apologise for,” Sirius said, taking Remus’ hand to calm the nervous habits. “I love listening to you talk.”

“Really?” Remus said skeptically.

“Yeah,” Sirius said.

“Even about books?”

“Especially about books.”

“Why? You don’t even like books.”

“But you do,” Sirius said. “And you get so excited when you talk about them. It’s adorable.”

“Shut up, I’m not adorable,” Remus muttered, shoving Sirius away playfully so that he wouldn’t notice him blushing for the millionth time today.

“Yes, you are,” Sirius insisted. “Are you hungry? We could go get lunch.”

“Yeah, I am hungry actually,” Remus said. “Just give me a second, I want to buy one of these.”

“Just one?” Sirius teased.

“Well no, I want to buy the entire store,” Remus said. “But I only have enough money and space for one. The only trouble is choosing which one I want.”

“I like this one,” Sirius said, pointing to one of the books. “It’s pretty.”

“Ever heard the phrase ‘don’t judge a book by its cover?” Remus asked.

“Yeah.”

“Well, we don’t listen to that,” Remus said. “The pretty one it is.” Sirius grinned. Remus paid for the book but he still looked reluctant to leave the store. He looked at the books around him and stroked the spine of the nearest one. Sirius sighed.

“Remus, come on, you have to eat. I will drag you out of here.”

“You might just have to,” Remus said, apologetically.

“Come,” Sirius said, taking his hand and pulling him out of the store. “You can keep talking about the books if you want.”

“Nah, that’ll just make me want to go back,” Remus said. “Now you have to talk.”

“About what?” Sirius asked.

“Anything,” Remus said. “Anything that you like.” Sirius couldn’t stay on one topic for more than two minutes but Remus loved it. He talked about everything from music to his hair to his clothes to their friends. They went back to the Three Broomsticks for lunch and had an entire conversation about food while they waited for their lunch to arrive which made them realise how hungry they were.

---------

“So what now?” Sirius asked once they’d finished eating. “We can go back to the bookstore if you want.”

“Nah, I won’t do that to you,” Remus said, laughing. “I, um, I actually know another place where, um… where we could go.”

“Lead the way,” Sirius said, happily. Remus led the way through the village, not letting go of Sirius’ hand. They passed the Hog’s Head and continued to the field up the hill. Sirius flopped down in the grass.

“Come sit,” Sirius said. Remus sat down on the grass beside Sirius and Sirius rested his head on Remus’ shoulder. The butterflies in Remus’ stomach were dancing around in complete chaos.

“I’m s-s-so tired,” Sirius yawned, stumbling across the words. His eyes closed slowly before his head snapped back up.

“Sorry,” Sirius said, his cheeks flushed. Remus was glad he wasn’t the only one blushing on this date.

“You have nothing to apologise for,” Remus said with a smile. “You can lie down if you want.” Remus pulled off his sweater and arranged it as a pillow for Sirius on his lap.

“Won’t you be cold?” Sirius asked.

“Nah, it’s not that cold anyway.”

“Okay, but I’m not sleeping,” Sirius said pointedly.

“Whatever you want,” Remus said, shrugging. Sirius lay down on Remus’ lap.

“Did you look for shapes in the clouds when you were a kid?” Sirius asked.

“Yeah,” Remus said. “Did you?”

“If you could see the clouds through my bedroom window,” Sirius said. “I didn’t spend much time in parks. So what do you see in the clouds now?” Remus looked up at the sky and thought about it for a while.

“Well, that one sort of looks like a hat,” he said. “With a… flower on top? I don’t know. That one just looks like a little kid tried to draw a person and it went badly. What do you—” Remus looked back at Sirius but he had already fallen asleep. He smiled fondly and pulled out his new pretty book.

Remus spent the next half an hour or so trying not to move; he didn’t want to wake Sirius. Mostly because he knew that Sirius needed sleep but he would be lying if he said that he wasn’t enjoying the time he could spend staring at Sirius’ beautiful face without getting caught. Of course, it didn’t really matter if he got caught anymore but it was still embarrassing how red his cheeks turned.

Remus could never help becoming enraptured by Sirius. He couldn’t keep from losing himself in Sirius’ sparkling grey eyes. He couldn’t help noticing the curve of Sirius’ lips when he smirked without feeling the ghost of Sirius’ kiss. He couldn’t see Sirius’ hair without imagining the last time he had run his fingers through it.

Sirius turned around so he was lying on his side with his face away from Remus and Remus realised he didn’t have to imagine running his fingers through Sirius’ hair. He stroked Sirius’ hair, gently twisting it around his fingers. A breeze blew over them, making Remus shiver a little and bringing a wave of fallen leaves and flowers. A yellow flower blew into Sirius’ hair and got stuck. Remus pulled it out and twirled it between his fingers. Suddenly, he had an idea. Remus picked all of the brightly coloured flowers he could find off the floor and put them safely beside him so they wouldn’t fly away. Then he parted Sirius’ hair into three and started to braid it, tucking the pieces behind each other.

He took a hair tie off his wrist (that he wore because Sirius could never remember to bring his own) and tied the ends of the braid together. Then he took the flowers he found and slotted them in between each knot of the braid. Remus tucked loose strands into the braid and lightly brushed his lips against Sirius’ temple.

Suddenly, Sirius’ hands clenched into fists and Remus could feel his body shaking.

“Sirius,” he said softly, gently placing a hand on his shoulder. “Sirius, wake up.”

---------

Sirius gasped and opened his eyes, turning sharply onto his back so he was looking right up at Remus. He slowly closed his eyes again as hot tears sting his eyes and roll down his cheeks. He sat up hurriedly. Sirius can’t breathe. He tries to suck air into his lungs but his breaths are shallow and he feels like he’s choking.

“Sirius, breathe,” Remus said. Sirius tried but the breath got caught in his throat. He shook his head. His hands don’t stop trembling and he can feel his heart beating so fast it feels like his heart is trembling too, vibrating in his chest. Remus’ whispers sound muffled but he can hear him telling him to breathe (he can’t, he can’t breathe, he’s going to choke), that everything is going to be okay (nothing is okay, everything is wrong).

“Can I touch you?” Remus asked. Sirius couldn’t say a word but he nodded.

“Sirius, listen to me,” Remus said gently, taking his hand. “Just breathe.”

“I–I can’t,” Sirius says and he can’t stop shaking, he can’t stop crying, “I can’t breathe, I can’t.”

“Yes, you can,” Remus says softly. “Sirius, look at me. Hey, look at me.” He puts a hand on Sirius’ knee. Sirius looks up.

“You can breathe,” Remus says and he sounds so certain Sirius almost believes him. “Here. Put your hand on my chest, here, okay?” Remus took Sirius’ hand and placed it on the left side of his chest, over his heart. Sirius inhaled sharply, that has nothing to do with the meltdown he’s having. He feels Remus’ heartbeat beneath his fingers. It’s fast. “Now breathe when I breathe okay?” Remus took a deep breath and so did Sirius, their chests rising and falling together.

“Now close your eyes,” Remus whispered, “close your eyes.” Sirius did. “Now keep breathing with me, okay?” They sat there like this, both of them breathing deeply, Sirius’ hand still on Remus’ chest; Remus’ hand lay on top of Sirius’ keeping it in place and keeping it from trembling.

When Sirius’ breaths had evened out, Remus removed his hand from Sirius’ and Sirius pulled his hand away from Remus’ chest. He opened his eyes.

“Thank you,” Sirius said to Remus. His eyes were still wet. So were his cheeks. He felt them heat from embarrassment.

“Sirius, love, please talk to me,” Remus said softly, tracing small circles on Sirius’ shoulder. “Please let me help you.” Sirius was silent for a minute. He wanted to tell Remus, he trusted Remus, especially after everything Remus had just done for him.

“They don’t want me to be their son,” he blurted out. He sat up and wiped his eyes but the tears kept coming. “God, this is so fucking stupid. I don’t even know why I’m crying about this, I know they don’t want me. I’ve known it for like five years. And I don’t fucking want them to be my parents either. I hate that whole twisted family. I left them, for fuck’s sake. And I’ve been trying to get burned off that stupid tapestry for years. What the fuck is wrong with me? And now I’ve ruined our first date. I’ve been waiting for this for more than a year and now I’ve gone and fucked it up.” Sirius buried his face in his hands. “What the fuck is wrong with me?”

“Nothing,” Remus said, putting his arm around Sirius and pulling him closer. “Nothing is wrong with you, Sirius. You are an incredible person and you deserve so much. You deserve so much love, Pads. And they might not want you but that is their own fucking loss. You don’t need them, Sirius, there are plenty of people who want you.”

“Yeah?” Sirius sniffed.

“Yeah,” Remus said. “I do. I want you. I want to be with you. And James wants you to be his brother. And Mr and Mrs Potter want you. And Peter and Lily and Marlene and Dorcas and Mary and Alice all want you too. We chose you, Sirius. All of us chose you. I chose you. And I’ll keep choosing you over and over again. Sirius, you are so wanted and you are so, so loved. Please don’t believe their lies. You are worth so much more than they will ever be.”

“Thank you, Remus,” Sirius said. “Really, thank you. And I’m sorry I ruined our first date.”

“You didn’t ruin anything,” Remus said, taking his hand.

“I fell asleep and then woke up and had a breakdown.”

“The falling asleep bit was cute,” Remus said. “Look what I managed to do in your hair.” Sirius reached a hand back and touched his hair.

“What?” he asked. “What is this?” He pulled out the two-way mirror he and James used to communicate during detention but as James wasn’t using it at the moment, it simply acted like a regular mirror.

“You… you braided my hair?” Sirius asked, looking up at Remus.

“Well, yeah,” Remus said shyly. “You’re not mad are you?”

“Mad? It’s gorgeous, Remus,” Sirius said. “Where did you learn to braid?”

“Lily taught me,” Remus said.

“Are these real flowers?” Sirius asked, looking at the different flowers in his hair.

“Uh, yes,” Remus said. “I just found them laying here around the floor so I added them to the braid. I, uh, I thought it looked nice.”

“It does,” Sirius said, turning his head in the mirror to see himself from all angles. “It’s beautiful.”

“You’re beautiful,” Remus said.

“Well obviously,” Sirius said, putting the mirror back in his pocket. “But, um… thank you.” Remus thought he noticed a faint blush bloom on Sirius’ face. He put a hand on Sirius’ neck, brushing his thumb against Sirius’ cheek

“I love you, you know,” he said. Sirius was taken aback, his heart skipping a few beats and his cheeks glowing.

“I–I love you too,” Sirius said.

“Are you gonna be okay?” Remus asked.

“Yeah,” Sirius said with a small smile. “As long as you’re here.”

“Oh darling, I’m not going anywhere,” Remus grinned.

“Darling? That’s new,” Sirius said. Remus blushed but before he could stutter out an apology, Sirius said, “I like it.”

“You do?”

“Yeah.”

“Alright then, darling,” Remus said. He leaned in towards Sirius and brushed his lips against Sirius’. He hovered above Sirius’ mouth for a moment, hesitant.

“I want you,” he murmured against Sirius’ mouth.

“You can have me,” Sirius murmured back. “You have me already.” He presses his lips against Remus’, kissing him firmly.

---------

“It’s getting late,” Remus said standing up. “We should probably head back.”

“Yeah, I suppose,” Sirius said. He stood up as well and took Remus’ hand. “Yeah?” he asked, lightly squeezing Remus’ hand.

“Yeah,” Remus smiled. They walked back into the more populated area of the village.

“Wanna stop at Honeydukes?” Sirius asked. “I’ll buy you chocolate.”

“You don’t have to—” Remus started.

“I know,” Sirius said. “But I want to. Consider it an apology for falling asleep on our date.” Remus hesitated.

“You’re going to do this no matter what I say, aren’t you?”

“Yep,” Sirius said cheerfully.

“Oh alright,” Remus sighed but he smiled, so the two entered the candy shop.

“Moony, look, dark chocolate frogs,” Sirius said. “I’m getting you some of these.”

“One is fine, Sirius,” Remus said.

“Then I’m also getting you a chocolate cauldron,” Sirius said.

“Or just the regular chocolate bars,” Remus said, “they’re cheaper.”

“Whatever you want, Moony,” Sirius said with a smile.

---------

They left Honeydukes with two Chocolate Frog, a classic Honeydukes Chocolate Bar, two Chocolate Wands, two Liquorice Wands, a Sugar Quill and some Acid Pops and continued in the direction of the castle.

“Boo!” Sirius whipped around and there was Marlene, standing behind him grinning broadly. “Where were you today? I’ve been wanting to irritate you all day and I couldn’t even find you.”

“All day?” Sirius looked at Dorcas. “Cas, it sounds like you have to step up your dating game if your girlfriend would rather irritate me all day.” Dorcas rolled their eyes and pointed a certain finger in Sirius’ direction.

“Oh shut up and stop twisting my words,” Marlene said, putting an arm around Dorcas. “Ignore him, I had a lovely time,” she added to Dorcas, kissing her.

“Me too,” Dorcas said, smiling.

“So where were you?” Marlene asked.

“I was, uh,” Sirius hesitated, locking eyes with Remus. Remus gave him a small nod. “I had a date.”

“A date? With who—” Marlene glanced between Sirius and Remus. “You two are dating?!”

“Yeah,” they said at the same time, smiling at each other.

“AND YOU DIDN’T TELL ME?!” Marlene yelled, punching Sirius in the arm. “You little bitch!”

“That’s great, you guys,” Dorcas said.

“Yeah, it is, I just can’t believe you didn’t tell me,” Marlene said, crossing her arms.

“You know, Marls, this may surprise you but the entire world doesn’t revolve around you,” Sirius said.

“What are you talking about, of course the world revolves around me,” Marlene said, tossing her hair away from her face. “I’m fabulous.”

“Don’t I know it,” Dorcas muttered under her breath. “So is this your first date?”

“Yeah,” Remus nodded.

“What did you guys do?” Marlene asked.

“We went to that hill past the end of the street and somebody fell asleep on my lap,” Remus said, smirking at Sirius.

“Oh my god, you didn’t,” Marlene said, laughing.

“Moony!” Sirius pouted.

“What?” Remus asked innocently.

“Ha!” Dorcas said. “You’ve got some nerve telling me to up my dating game when you literally fell asleep on your first date. I mean, damn, Sirius, that takes talent.”

“Did you braid his hair then?” Marlene asked.

“Yeah,” Remus said.

“It’s beautiful,” Marlene said, reaching out to touch the braid.

“No touching my hair,” Sirius said, “it’s too sacred.”

“You let Remus touch it,” Marlene said, crossing her arms.

“Yeah well, I let Remus touch a lot of things I don’t let you touch,” Sirius smirked, winking at Remus who turned red and elbowed him in the ribs.

“Oh god, please spare me the details,” Marlene said, wrinkling her nose while Dorcas made gagging noises. They entered the castle and started towards the common room when Lily caught up to them.

“Hey,” she said. “So how was your first date?”

“You knew?!” Marlene said. She whipped around to Sirius. “You told Lily and not me?”

“In my defence, Moony was the one who told Lily,” Sirius said.

“Who else knows?” Marlene asked.

“Just James,” Remus said. “Peter probably knows too but we haven’t said anything.”

“You told James and not Peter?” Dorcas asked.

“James walked in on us making out, what were we supposed to do?” Sirius said.

“And Lily?” Marlene asked.

“She guessed it,” Remus shrugged. “I wasn’t going to lie.”

“How did you know?” Dorcas asked Lily. She shrugged.

“I don’t know, they were being so obvious about it,” she said.

“Well, obviously we knew they liked each other,” Marlene said. “We just didn’t know that they knew it.”

“Wha— you knew?!” Sirius said.

“Please, you were terrible at hiding it,” Dorcas said. “Everybody knew.”

“Wait until I tell James you fell asleep on your first date with Remus,” Marlene teased.

“You wouldn’t,” Sirius said.

“Oh really?” Marlene said. She started running backwards down the hall in the direction of the common room. “Try and stop me!” she called.

“McKinnon if you tell him, I swear to god—” Sirius started running after her; Marlene turned around and picked up the pace.

---------

As Sirius and Marlene near the common room and spot James just outside the portrait hole, as Marlene yells to James the embarrassing events that transpired that day before he could go inside, as they both burst out laughing and Sirius pretends to be offended by it, it occurs to Sirius how lucky he is.

All three of them collapse onto the floor in a pile of giggles. They look back down the hall and see Remus, Dorcas and Lily coming towards them, Lily walking in the middle with her arms around the taller two before she gives up and lets her hands fall and they laugh.

“We are so fucking whipped,” Marlene says, looking between the two boys and their friends and partners across the hall, walking towards them.

“Yep,” James says.

“Absolutely,” Sirius says.

“Sirius, you dropped a flower,” James said, handing it to him.

“Thanks,” Sirius said. He pulled out his wand and cast a preservation spell on it. Then he put it back in his hair, this time tucked behind his ear. His eyes meet Remus’ across the hall and they share a smile. I’m so fucking lucky, he thinks. He’s dating the boy of his dreams, the boy he loves more than anything else in this world. He has friends who tease him and laugh at him and laugh with him. He has friends who love him and they never forget to remind him just how much. Sirius has never felt so loved, so appreciated, so at home. He’s never felt as safe as he does with these people. They won’t leave him. And he’s never going to leave them.

213 notes · View notes

marauders-venting · 3 years

Text

Happy Hanukkah

pairing: none (non-romantic fic but there are mentions of wolfstar, jily and dorlene)

genre: fluff

warnings: none

words: 3414

a/n: for all my jewish followers who read fics about christmas every year and want to see one about hanukkah. Have a great hanukkah and eat delicious deep-fried food. eat sufganiyot with chocolate cause they are superior. you know remus agrees with me. חג שמח!

Lily’s favourite holiday had always been Hanukkah, even as a kid. Petunia always disagreed and argued that Purim was far better because you got to dress up and the baskets full of treats were a fun bonus. But Lily’s mind could not be changed. Lighting the candles with her family, singing songs, playing the dreidel game, eating fried food. The fucking fried food. Lily would kill for her grandmother's latkes; she only ever made them during Hanukkah. Purim could never measure up in Lily’s mind. This was why Lily was so disappointed when she found out that this year, Hanukkah would end before Christmas break started at Hogwarts. Lily was used to missing the first few days of the celebrations because the 25th of Kislev fell on a different date on the Gregorian calendar each year. But Lily had always been able to light the candles with her family for at least one night. Not this year, though.

“Remus,” she said one day when they were studying. “You know we’re missing all of Hanukkah, right?”

“What?” Remus said. “How?”

“The 25th of Kislev is on the 30th of November this year,” Lily said. “Hanukkah will be over before we get home.”

“That sucks,” Remus said.

“Yeah, I know.”

---------

Lily had first found out that Remus was Jewish after winter break in their first year. Lily’s parents had decided to have her Bat Mitzvah party a little bit before she turned twelve rather than wait for her to come home for Spring break in April as it would be inconvenient to have her Bat Mitzvah during Passover. Lily’s grandmother had given her her gift early as well: an old family heirloom, the only one they had. A gold necklace with a star-of-David pendant. Lily loved the necklace. She had no clue why her grandmother had decided to give the necklace to her and not Petunia but Lily decided early on that it was probably better not to tell Petunia about it. But once she was back at Hogwarts, she wore the necklace every day, never taking it off, not even when she slept.

“That’s a really pretty necklace,” Remus had told her when he’d seen it. “I didn’t know you were Jewish.”

“Yeah, I am,” Lily said.

“I am too,” Remus said, smiling.

“Really?” Lily said, surprised. “But I’ve seen you eat meat and dairy together.”

“I don’t really keep Kosher,” Remus said. “I mean, I don’t eat pork and shrimp and things like that but my family doesn’t separate meat and dairy. Do you keep Kosher?”

“Yeah,” Lily said. “Well, kind of. At home, we only have Kosher meat but when we eat out my parents don’t mind if we have unKosher meat as long as we don’t mix meat and dairy.”

“So eating at Hogwarts is like eating out?” Remus asked.

“Yeah, I guess,” Lily said and Remus nodded.

---------

And so it happened that Lily and Remus were sitting in the common room with their friends on the 25th of Kislev without a single candle in sight. Remus was opening a letter that the family owl had brought for him through the common room window and Lily couldn’t help but notice that her family hadn’t sent her anything.

“Ha, my parents lit my hanukkiah,” Remus said, sitting back down beside Sirius on the couch. He showed Lily the photo. It was a muggle photo of Remus’ mum standing next to two hanukkiot, one of which was a beautiful, large, silver hanukkiah and the other was small and seemed to be made of clay. On the table next to the hanukkiot was a plate with sufganiyot on it.

“Did you make that hanukkiah?” she asked.

“Yeah, when I was little,” Remus said.

“It’s… nice,” she said.

“No, it’s not, it’s hideous,” Remus laughed. Lily grinned and nodded.

“It’s hideous,” she said. “It’s cool that you made it though.”

“It’s a Kosher hanukkiah too, so I use it every year,” Remus said.

“Can I see?” Sirius asked. Lily handed him the photo and he looked at it and frowned. “Your camera’s broken. The photo won’t move.”

“That’s because it’s a muggle camera dumbass,” Marlene said. “Merlin, Sirius, even I knew that.”

“Shove off, McKinnon,” Sirius said, looking back at the photo. “That’s the one you made?” he added to Remus.

“Yeah,” Remus said.

“The other one is beautiful,” James said, looking over Sirius’ shoulder.

“It’s my mum’s,” Remus said. “It was her grandpa’s and he gave it to her, I’m pretty sure.” By this point, Peter, Marlene, Dorcas and Mary had crowded around to see the photo as well.

“I can practically smell the sufganiyot in the photo,” Lily said as everybody sat back down.

“Yeah,” Remus smiled. “It just sucks that I can’t be there.” Sirius pulled Remus towards him and started stroking Remus’ shoulder soothingly with his thumb.

“What would you be doing if you were at home right now?” Sirius asked.

“Lighting the candles,” Remus said, “singing Hanukkah songs, eating fried food.”

“What about you, Lils?” Dorcas asked. “How would you be celebrating?”

“Probably lighting the candles too,” Lily said. She could picture her family gathered around the brightly lit candles, her parents telling her to be careful with her hair around the fire. “And then Petunia and I would play the dreidel game with chocolate coins.” Not that she’d want to play with me now even if we were both home, said a voice in Lily’s head.

“I played with my parents when I was little too,” Remus said. “But they always gave me all their chocolate at the end.”

“Ha, I wish Petunia had done that,” Lily said. “She liked playing by the rules.”

“Where’s the fun in that?” Remus joked. Then he glanced at his watch. “Shit, Lily we have to go. Prefect rounds.”

“Right. See you later,” she said to the rest of their friends.

“Bye.”

---------

The following night was a full moon; Lily did the prefect rounds alone for the next two nights, visiting Remus in the hospital wing on the day after his transformation. The rounds were boring without Remus but she never told him that; she wasn’t going to make Remus feel more guilty than he already did. The night he rejoined her for the rounds he always apologized profusely and Lily assured him every time that it was alright. Even once he had recovered from the moon, Remus tired quickly.

“Ugh, I’m exhausted,” Remus yawned, as they reached the portrait of the Fat Lady. “I’m so ready to go to sleep.”

“Yeah, me too,” Lily said. She gave the Fat Lady the password and they climbed into the portrait hole.

“Surprise!”

“What the—” It took Lily a moment of staring around at her friends to understand what she was seeing. Marlene, Dorcas, Mary, Sirius, James and Peter were standing around the table on which they had placed a hanukkiah with four candles and an extra candle for a Shamash in Dorcas’ hand. They had also somehow managed to arrange two trays, one with latkes and one with sufganiyot, a bag of chocolate coins and a pile of plastic dreidels.

“You guys,” Remus said as they both approached the table. “What is this?”

“This is your Hanukkah celebration!” Mary said.

“We know you’d both rather be with your families but since that’s not possible, we figured this is better than nothing,” Peter said. “Right?”

“Yeah,” Lily said. “Yes. Wow, you guys. This is amazing. Thank you.”

“Of course,” Marlene said, putting an arm around her. “You deserve to celebrate your holidays as much as everybody else.” Soon everybody had gathered together in one big group hug that was only broken up when Sirius spoke.

“We brought these as well,” he said, holding up a bag that Lily didn’t recognize. “I’ve seen you wear them before but I didn’t know if it’s for today or not.” Lily looked over at Remus who was smiling fondly at his boyfriend.

“Those are Tefillin,” he said and Lily let out a small “oh”. “You don’t wear them on Hanukkah but I should have some kippahs in there as well, which you can wear on Hanukkah.” He took the bag from Sirius and pulled out several kippahs.

“Why do you have so many?” Lily asked, laughing.

“These are way too easy to lose, okay, it’s not my fault,” Remus said.

“Are we meant to wear them as well?” James asked.

“You don’t have to, but you can,” Remus said, holding out spare kippahs to Sirius, James and Peter. They took them and clipped the kippahs to their heads. “Dorcas, you want one?”

“Can I?” they asked.

“Yeah, of course,” Remus said, handing them a kippah.

“Okay so tell us what we do now,” Dorcas said, once the kippah was secured to their head.

“You wanna do candles first or food first?” Remus asked Lily.

“Candles?” she said. He nodded. “I’ll do the first two and you’ll do the second two?”

“Sure,” he said. Remus picked up the candle that had been set aside for the Shamash and lit it with his wand.

“Be careful with the fire,” James said, “you could burn yourself.”

“My dad said that to me and Petunia once and then he ended up burning a hole in the tablecloth himself,” Lily said. “We remind him of it every year.”

“Well, I can’t guarantee that I won’t burn the entire common room down myself,” James said, “but that’s why you two have to be careful with the fire so that I don’t have to be.” Everybody laughed.

“You say the first blessing,” Remus told Lily, handing her the candle, “I’ll do the ‘amen’ part.” She nodded

“Baruch atah Adonai,” Lily started in a soft singing voice as she lighted the first candle, saying the blessings to the tune she’d been taught since she was a little girl, “Eloheinu Melech ha-olam, asher kid’shanu b-mitzvotav, v-tzivanu l'hadlik ner shel Hanukkah.”

“Amen,” Remus said, carrying her tune.

“Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha-olam, she-asah nisim la-avoteinu v-imoteinu ba- yamim ha-heim ba-z’man ha-zeh.”

“Amen.” This time, Marlene, Dorcas, Mary, Sirius, James and Peter joined in the ‘amen’ as well, picking up the tune from Remus. Lily gave Remus the candle.

“Baruch atah Adonai,” Lily and Remus sang together, “Eloheinu Melech ha-olam, shehecheyanu v-ki’y’manu v-higianu la-z’man ha-zeh.”

“Amen.” Remus put the Shamash in its place in the raised branch. Then Lily and Remus started singing ‘Ha-nerot Hallallu’, a Hanukkah song in Hebrew.

“That was awesome,” Mary said, once they finished.

“Are there any Hanukkah songs in English?” James asked.

“There’s ‘oh Hanukkah, oh Hanukkah’,” Remus said. “Technically, there’s a Hebrew version as well but I can’t remember it.”

“How does it go?” Sirius asked. Remus looked at Lily.

“You have to sing with me, I’m not singing alone,” he said.

“Oh alright,” Lily said. “You sing lovely though, Rem.”

“Just shut up and sing with me.”

“Oh Hanukkah, oh Hanukkah come light the Menorah, let’s have a party we’ll all dance the horah, gather round the table we’ll give you a treat: dreidels to play with and latkes to each and while we are playing, the candles are burning oh, one for each night they shed us with light to remind us of days long ago, one for each night they shed us with light to remind us of days long ago.” Their friends clapped; Lily took a bow and everybody laughed.

“There’s a Yiddish version too,” she said. “My grandma taught me.”

“You have to sing for us in Yiddish now,” Marlene said.

“Nah, I hardly remember it,” Lily said. “I’ve only ever sung it once.”

“Try then,” Dorcas insisted. Lily sighed.

“Chanukah, Oy Chanukah yontif a sheiner, a lustiger, a freilicher… something something something… Alle nacht in dreidlech, Shpiln mir, zudig heise latkes, es un a shir… something, something… di Chanukah lichtelech on, lumir alle zingen, lumir alle shpringen, lumir alle tantzn in khur, lumir alle zingen, lumir alle shpringen, lumir alle tantzn in khur.” Everybody applauded and Lily laughed.

“That was awful, what are you clapping for?” she said. “Is it time for food?”

“Yeah, sure,” Remus said, taking a latke. “This is so good, where the fuck did you guys get this?” Lily picked one up and took a bite. Remus was right, they were delicious. Not quite as good as her grandmother’s but it was hard to go wrong with fried food.

“I wrote to your mum and asked for the recipe,” Sirius said. “And James and Dorcas made them.”

“You made these?” Remus exclaimed. “Wow.”

“Really, you like them?” Dorcas said.

“Yeah, they’re really good.”

“Lily?” James said. “Thoughts?”

“You’re amazing chefs,” she said, smiling. James picked a little latke and popped the whole thing in his mouth.

“Mhm, we are good,” he said with his mouth full and he and Dorcas high-fived. Soon everybody was eating the latkes and complimenting James and Dorcas on their success.

“Did you make the sufganiyot too?” Remus asked.

“Nah, Marlene and I found them in Hogsmeade,” Peter said.

“I looked for chocolate coins in Honeydukes too but they didn’t have them,” Mary said. “Which I thought was stupid. But anyway I took a bus to a muggle village near here and bought the coins and dreidels.”

“Hey, I came too,” Sirius said.

“Yeah but you’re useless with all things muggle so you don’t get credit,” Mary said.

“That is so unfair— mhm!” Remus had grabbed Sirius hand and spun Sirius to face him, shutting him up with a kiss. Lily assumed he’d been waiting to do that since they had entered the common room and had run out of patience.

“I’ll give you credit,” Remus said quietly when they broke apart, keeping an arm wrapped around Sirius’ waist. Sirius leaned in to kiss him again, apparently forgetting that they were surrounded by people. Marlene smirked and shook her head, Peter rolled his eyes and James said loudly, “get a fucking room.”

“Sorry,” Remus said breathlessly as he pulled away.

“I’m not,” Sirius said, grinning.

“So how long have you guys been planning this?” Lily asked to change the subject.

“It was James’ idea,” Marlene said.

“Hey!” Sirius said indignantly. “It was also my—” But Marlene jabbed him in the ribs and jerked her head in Lily’s direction. Sirius fell silent.

“Was it really?” Lily asked James.

“Well, yeah,” James said. “It was kind of Sirius’ idea too though.”

“Thank you, Potter,” she said. “This is a really sweet idea.”

“I–It is?”

“Yeah,” Lily said and smiled at him. For several moments, nobody said a word and Lily found herself staring at James for a little too long before she realized what she was doing. She felt her cheeks heat and looked away. “Peter, can you pass me a sufganiyah please?”

“Sure,” Peter said. “Jam or chocolate?”

“Jam,” she said.

“What? Why?” Remus said. “The chocolate ones are so much better.”

“No, they’re not,” Lily said. “Jam sufganiyot are superior and nobody can change my mind.” Remus shook his head.

“Chocolate is superior to everything and anything, Lily,” Remus said. “You can keep saying that jam is better but you’ll just be wrong.”

“Chocolate in a sufganiyah is weird,” Lily said. “They don’t go together.”

“Lils, do you have a death wish or something?” Sirius said. “Did you just insult chocolate right to Remus’ face? Not a smart move.”

“Nah, I don’t care,” Remus said, surprising everybody in the room. “More chocolate for me.” Soon enough, the platter that held the sufganiyot was empty and Mary bought out the dreidels and chocolate coins that she and Sirius had bought.

“I can’t believe you guys never played the dreidel game,” Lily said, shaking her head. “This was like my whole childhood.”

“Yeah, me too,” Remus said. “I would wait all year to play this game.”

“Teach us how to play now then,” Mary said. They sat down in a circle on the floor and she handed a dreidel to each person.

“Okay first, we have to divide the chocolate coins equally between everybody and everybody puts one coin in the middle,” Lily said.

“Okay, what now?” James asked once they’d done what she said.

“See how each side of the dreidel has a Hebrew letter? You spin the dreidel and it lands on a letter and depending on the letter you either win or lose chocolate,” Remus explained. “And after every spin, you have to put one coin in the middle regardless of the letter. I’ve forgotten what each letter means though, so Lily will have to explain that bit.”

“Okay so ‘nun’ — that’s this letter — means you do nothing. The letter on the left is ‘gimel’ — the other left, Sirius — which means that you take all of the chocolate coins in the center. The next letter to the left is ‘hey’ which means you take half of the coins in the middle. If it’s an odd number you round up. And the last letter is ‘shin’ which means you have to put a coin in the middle in addition to the one you have to put at the end of each turn. Got it?”

“How does the game end?” Mary asked.

“Technically, it’s when one person runs out of coins to put in the middle but usually people tire out before that,” Lily said. But the game ended much faster than expected. Peter kept landing on shin and nun and he quickly ran out of coins.

“That’s not fair,” Peter said. “My dreidel hates me, it sabotaged my attempts. I think everybody should donate one coin to me.”

“Here, Wormy,” James said, giving him a coin.

“You can have one of mine too,” Lily said. Everybody gave Peter a single coin. Even Remus, albeit reluctantly, donated a chocolate coin.

“Chocolate from Moony?” Peter said. “What did I do to deserve such a sacred gift?”

“You bought chocolate sufganiyot,” Remus said. “That’s your payment.”

“I will take it,” Peter said. “So who won?” They counted their coins and found that Sirius had won, beating Dorcas by exactly two coins.

“Here you go,” Sirius said, sliding half of his coins into Remus’ pile. “Happy Hanukkah, love.”

“Oh my god, I love you,” Remus said, kissing him. Sirius laughed.

“I love you too, Moony.”

---------

The eight of them moved to the couch and Marlene suggested they play some music.

“What should I play?” Mary asked, pulling out her wand.

“Anything,” James said.

“Something quiet,” Remus said, pulling a book out of nowhere. Mary tapped the record player that sat in the corner of the common room and a piece of classical music started playing.

“Really? Classical music?” Sirius said.

“What? Remus said something quiet,” Mary said defensively.

“Okay,” Sirius shrugged, snuggling against his boyfriend’s shoulder.

“I still can’t believe you guys did this,” Lily said, as Mary sat back down on the couch.

“Of course, we did,” Dorcas said.

“We love you, Lils,” Marlene said. “You too, Rem.”

“Yeah,” James said with a small smile. “We love you.” Maybe she was imagining it but Lily could’ve sworn his eyes lingered on hers when he said it.

---------

Lily looked around at her friends, sitting on the common room couch in silence, listening to the soft music play. Marlene and Dorcas cuddled together on the couch, occasionally sharing little, soft kisses, Mary and Peter playing a silent game of muggle chess, Peter drumming his fingers on the table to the beat of the music. She looked at James, half-asleep and leaning against Sirius, who was leaning on Remus who was reading a book and allowed herself to admit, only to herself, that she might have a teeny tiny crush on that boy, that messy-haired, arrogant toerag.

She looked at the hanukiah on the table between them. She watched the bright orange flames slowly dying out, watched the wax dripped onto the aluminium foil under the hanukkiah, protecting the table. She thought of what her friends had done for her and Remus today. And Lily knows that this Hanukkah was just as special to her as every Hanukkah she’s celebrated with her family. Maybe being here this year was better than being home. Petunia can say Lily’s a freak all she wants, Snape can think she’s inferior and call her mudblood, but they can’t hurt Lily anymore. Their words don’t touch her. She has friends here. She’s found a family here. Lily has better words. We love you, Lils. We love you.

33 notes · View notes

marauders-venting · 3 years

Text

Halloween, 1981

pairing: jily (james x lily)

genre: angst & a little fluff

warnings: death

words: 3619

a/n: happy jily death day!!

James was bouncing Harry gently in his arms, trying to get his crying son to fall asleep again.

“Shhh,” he said soothingly, “don’t cry, buddy. Everything is okay. Shhh.” James turned off the lights in Harry’s room and continued rocking him, waiting for him to fall asleep again. Lily came into the room quietly and smiled at the sight of her boys, sliding an arm around James’ waist. When Harry fell asleep again, James and Lily both kissed his head, put him back in his crib and left the room hand in hand.

“I’m going to make some tea,” Lily said, “do you want some?” James hesitated but Lily merely grinned. “Hot chocolate it is,” she said, rising on her toes and kissing James’ lips lightly. James grinned.

“You know me so well.”

“James,” Lily said as she came back into the room with two mugs to find James sitting on the windowsill staring out of the window. “What’s wrong?”

“What?” James said, turning to face her. “Oh, nothing. Everything’s fine.”

“Jamie,” she said, “come on, darling, talk to me.”

“Really, Lils, it’s nothing,” James said. “Well, nothing new.” Lily sighed, putting the mugs down on her bedside table and wrapping her arms around James’ chest.

“I know this is awful,” she said. “I hate it too. But it’s Halloween tomorrow. That’s one good thing, right?”

“I suppose,” James said. “I just want the lads to come.” Lily was silent for a moment. “I know they can’t,” James added hurriedly. “I just wish they could.”

“Yeah, me too,” Lily said.

“I mean, Peter was here two days ago but I haven’t seen Remus and Sirius in weeks. And Marls and Cas…” Lily squeezed James tighter, tears pricking her eyes. “I miss them.”

“God, I know,” Lily said, shakily. “I miss them too.”

“This whole thing, it just… it fucking sucks.” They had talked about this before. Cried and talked and cried some more. But the deaths of your closest friends seem to haunt you for longer than you could have imagined. Lily and James were learning that the hard way.

“Understatement of the century,” Lily said, with a dry laugh. Or maybe it was a sob.

“You can blame that on my limited vocabulary,” James joked, trying to lighten the situation.

“Oh, I know what’ll cheer you up,” Lily said, her face brightening a bit. She wiped her tears and crossed the room.

“If you thought leaving would cheer me up you were sorely mistaken,” James pouted.

“Oh relax Potter, I’ll be back in a moment,” she said, rummaging around their closet. “Here, I found it,” she added, pulling something out of the closet. “Harry’s pumpkin costume!” James smiled

“Aww he’s going to look so cute,” James said. “Do you have a costume?”

“I have an angel halo headband,” she said. “Is that good enough for you, O Wise Costume Master?”

“Yes, my darling angel, it’s perfect,” James said. “I’m calling you ‘angel’ from now on.” Lily rolled her eyes but James could see a faint blush on her cheeks.

“Alright Potter,” she said. “What are you dressing up as?” James hesitated.

“Don’t laugh,” he said, “but I… I thought of dressing up as Sirius.”

“That’s adorable,” Lily said, smiling as she came back to James’ side, sitting across from him and taking his hand. “Didn’t you dress up as Sirius in fifth year?”

“It was fourth year, but yes.”

“What happened to your ‘never the same costume twice’ rule?”

“Don’t tell him I said this but Sirius deserves to have someone dress up as him more than once.”

“You really miss him, huh?”

“Yeah,” James sighed, “I mean, he’s my brother, I’m not… I’m not used to being away from him for so long.”

“I know,” Lily said. “Hey, what if I dress up as Remus? Then it’s like a couples costume.” James chuckled.

“You’re dressing up as an angel, right? Then you’re already dressing up as Moony.”

“How are you so cute?” Lily said, kissing him. “Come on, James, it’s late. Let’s go to sleep.” James smiled.

“Okay.” They got into bed, cuddling close to each other. James thought about his friends. He missed them so much but at least he’s got Lily and Harry. The three of them have each other. And the situation they’re in now is incredibly stressful but Lily is here for him, just like he’s here for her. And James is prepared to do anything to protect her and Harry.

---------

The following morning, Harry’s cries wake Lily and James up at what Lily considered an ungodly hour.

“I’ll go,” James said. “You stay in bed.”

“Thanks, Potter,” Lily murmured, sleepily.

“Hi, Harry,” James said, coming into the room. Harry was standing in his crib holding the bars with his tiny baby hands. “Good morning, baby Prongsie. Are you ready for Halloween? You’re going to be such a cute little pumpkin. I think your deer costume last year was the best, though.” James picked Harry up, checking the clock on the wall. It’s seven-thirty. “You slept in late, buddy. Okay, come on. We’re going to make a special Halloween breakfast for Mummy.” Harry hugged James and made what James liked to call “happy baby noises” because there was simply no other way to describe the sound.

James took Harry to the kitchen, put him down in his high chair and started taking out the ingredients for pancakes. He measured out the flour and poured it into a large mixing bowl. Then he measured out the sugar. James liked baking with Harry the muggle way like Lily had shown him. It meant that he could let Harry help him instead of simply waving his wand while Harry sat.

“You wanna pour the sugar into the bowl, Harry?” he asked. Harry reached out his hand for the measuring cup full of sugar… and stuck his full baby fist inside it.

“Oh no you don’t,” James said, catching Harry’s arm before he put his sugar-coated fingers in his mouth. He grabbed a wipe from the counter, struggling a bit to take it out of the packet with only one hand, and cleaned Harry’s hand. “You’re quite the trouble-maker, aren’t you? A little baby marauder. You know, your Uncle Padfoot did the same thing the first time he made a cake.”

“Pa’foot!” Harry said excitedly, recognizing Sirius’ nickname.

“Yep, him,” James said. “Except he was 16. Not one like you. Okay, let’s add the sugar together.”

Once they finished with the batter, James turned on the stove, greased the pan and charmed the ladle to ladle the batter into the pan and the spatula to flip them and put them on the plate.

“Come on, Harry,” James said, lifting him out of his chair, “let’s add some chocolate chips.” James poured some chips into his hand and held them out to Harry, who took as many chips as his little hand could hold and threw them at the pan.

“Merlin, Harry!” James said, laughing as the chocolate chips flew everywhere. “Gently. Look, like this.” James sprinkled a generous amount of chocolate chips onto a pancake. “Here, try it like that.” Harry took a single chip and gently placed it in the center of a pancake. James laughed again. “Your Uncle Moony would frown upon that, Harry. He needs his chocolate.”

“Moo’ee!” Harry said.

“That’s right, Uncle Moony,” James said.

“Moo’ee come?” Harry asked.

“No, Harry Uncle Moony’s not coming today,” James said, feeling his gut twist as he said it. He wished Remus was coming today. And Sirius and Peter. He wished things could be different. “He’ll visit soon, don’t worry.” But James didn’t believe the words coming out of his mouth.

They tried a few more times and Harry got the hang of it, James occasionally feeding him a couple of chocolate chips. When all of the batter had become pancakes, James took out their Halloween-themed cookie cutters. He cut a pumpkin-shaped pancake.

“You want some pancake excess, Harry?” James asked, holding it out to him. Harry clapped his hands, taking the small piece of pancake and putting it in his mouth.

“Dada,” Harry said, reaching out towards James, indicating that he wants more.

“Here you go, Prongslet,” James said, handing him another piece of pancake and tasting some himself. “Mmmm, we’re pretty good at this, aren’t we Harry? Come on, let’s bring Mummy some breakfast.” He picked Harry up and levitated the tray upstairs, quietly opening the door to the bedroom.

“Mama!” Harry said loudly. Lily groaned, shoving her face in her pillow.

“Morning, love,” James said, gently trailing his finger down Lily’s arm. “We made you pancakes.” Lily turned over, opening her eyes.

“Aww thank you,” she said, sitting up and taking one of the smaller, bite-sized pancakes and tasting it.

“Are they good?” James asked.

“Why don’t you try one and find out?” James lowers the tray onto the bed.

“Mama,” Harry said again, leaning towards her.

“Come here, Harry,” Lily said, taking him from James’ arms and sitting him down on her lap. “Did you make these pancakes? They’re very yummy, Harry, you did a good job. You’re quite the little chef, aren’t you?” She tickled him and he giggled.

“What about me?” James asked, pouting.

“You are an attention-seeking prick, Potter,” Lily said, grinning. “But you’re a good chef too.”

“You know you love me,” James said, smirking at her.

“Yes, I do.” She kisses him before carefully pouring maple syrup onto a bat-shaped pancake and taking a bite.

“Here, Harry, you want some pancakes?” James said, cutting up the pancake on his plate.

“Don’t give him any with syrup though,” Lily said. “He’ll get it everywhere.” James nodded and put the pieces of pancake on a plastic plate which he handed to Harry. Then he took the maple syrup and poured half the bottle onto his plate. And unsurprisingly spilling some on the bed. Lily laughed.

“Of course,” she said, “I should’ve said no syrup for you either.”

“Oh relax, I’ll clean it,” James said. He waved his wand and the stick liquid disappeared.

“Why are you trying to drown your pancakes in maple syrup anyway?”

“The real question, Lily, is why aren’t you trying to drown your pancakes in maple syrup?”

“Because it’s too sweet,” Lily said, wrinkling her nose.

“No such thing,” James replied, dunking his pancake inside the syrup puddle on his plate.

When they finished, James sent the dishes to the kitchen with a flick of his wand and they started putting on their costumes.

“You are such a cute little pumpkin,” James said to Harry as Lily put the little hat on Harry’s head.

“You’re a cute Sirius,” Lily said, slipping her arm around James’ waist. James grinned.

“Will you help me with the eyeliner?” James asked.

“Sure,” Lily said. James sat down on the bed, Harry on his lap and Lily brought her eyeliner pen, uncapped it and started to apply it to James’ eyelids. He squirmed.

“You’re going to have to sit still if you want it to be straight,” Lily said.

“But it feels weird,” James said. “And besides, it doesn’t have to be straight. Sirius isn’t.” Lily sighed.

“I walked right into that one, didn’t I?”

“Yeah.”

“Where did you get the leather jacket by the way?”

“Sirius left it here ages ago,” James said. “For emergencies.”

“Emergencies that require a leather jacket?”

“I’m just telling you what he said,” James shrugged.

“Okay, open your eyes,” Lily said.

“How do I look?” James said, standing.

“You look—” Lily started but her voice faded and she simply stared at James for several moments. Suddenly, she looked away blushing, and cleared her throat. “You look good, Potter.” James’ smirked, pulling her in by the waist and kissing her.

“So do you,” he said, “Potter.”

“Come on,” Lily said, pulling him out of the room by the hand. “Let’s take a photo.” They went into the living room and Lily charmed her camera to take several photos of all three of them in their costumes.

---------

The family spent the rest of the day together. Halloween had always been James’ favourite holiday and he had projected his love for it onto all his friends. They may not be able to celebrate with their whole family but they made the most of their intimate Halloween party. They even took Harry trick-or-treating inside the house.

“Can you say trick-or-treat, Harry?” Lily heard James ask from the other side of the door.

“Tweat!” Harry said loudly, hitting the door. Lily opened the door to Harry’s bedroom where she had been waiting with a bowl of candy.

“You’re very direct, aren’t you?” she said to Harry, laughing as she put a few pieces of candy in the pumpkin-shaped basket he was carrying. “Okay, now you go to our room and I’ll bring him,” she added to James. James grinned and went into their room, closing the door.

“Come on, Harry,” Lily said, holding his hand and helping him walk the short distance between the doors. “Knock and say, trick-or-treat.”

“Twick-ah-tweat!” James opened the door, a huge, contagious smile on his face as he handed Harry candy.

“Here you go, little pumpkin.”

The rest of the day was spent eating candy, reminiscing on previous Halloweens and chasing Harry around on his broomstick.

That night after dinner, Lily and James bathed Harry and put him to sleep, James singing a terribly off-key lullaby and Lily reading him a bedtime story. The only trouble with the story was that it nearly put James to sleep too.

“Jamie,” Lily whispered, brushing her lips against his temple as he sat next to her with his head on her shoulder despite being much too tall to be able to do that comfortably. “Let’s go downstairs.”

“Okay,” James whispered back. He let Lily take him by the hand and lead him out of the room. They sat down on the couch and cuddled close to James’ draping her legs across his.

“Today was fun,” she said. “I mean, obviously I would’ve preferred to be with everybody but I had a good time.”

“Yeah, me too,” James smiled. “I wish we could’ve taken Harry trick-or-treating though. I think he would’ve liked it.”

“Yeah, me too,” Lily said. “Maybe next year.”

“Yeah,” James said. “Hey, can I see those photos of us that you took this morning?”

“Sure.” Lily handed him the photos that she had left on the coffee table.

“Can we send one of these to Remus and Sirius? And one to Peter?” James asked.

“Yeah,” Lily said. “Yeah, that’s a great idea. Of course we can.”

“Let’s write something on the back,” James said. “Do you have a quill?”

“No, but I have a pen,” Lily said, clicking it open and handing it to him.

“Thanks,” James said, starting to scribble down a message to his best friends in a messy scrawl.

“Okay, well I’m going to make some tea and then we can send the photos,” Lily said.

“Alright,” James said, grinning. He finished Sirius and Remus’ card and was about to start Peter’s when something outside the window caught his eye. Someone was walking, gliding down the street in a black cloak. They stopped out front, looking directly at their house. And then they were coming towards it. Whoever they are, they shouldn’t be able to see the house. The fact that they can must mean that… Peter betrayed them? No, James thought, that’s impossible. There had to be some other explanation for this. But James didn’t have time to think of it because the person coming towards their house is no trick-or-treater. James’ heart leapt into his throat and he suddenly felt far more alert.

“Lily,” he shouted. “Lily, take Harry and run! It’s him!” Lily came running back into the living room. Her brilliant green eyes met his. Everything felt so urgent, so sudden. The impact of his own words had only just hit him because he didn’t remember making a conscious decision to die. But he knew that’s what would happen.

“James,” she said quietly. He could see there was more she wanted to say but couldn’t. But she didn’t need to. James knew what she wanted to say. He nodded at her, both of their eyes brimmed with tears, saying their silent goodbyes.

James had decided long ago that if it came down to it he would die for his family. He didn’t regret his decision, he stood by it. But he didn’t want to go. He didn’t want to die. Every fiber of his body shouted at him not to leave Harry and Lily. Every corner of his mind screamed that it wasn’t fair, that he wanted more time. More time with Harry, his son who was only a year old, only a baby. If he survived, he would forget his father. More time with Lily, whom he’d loved for so long but could have loved forever. More time with Sirius and Remus, his best friends in the world who had been with him through everything. He wanted more time with Peter so he could kick the shit out of him. James would’ve given his life to protect Peter. But Peter had sold James and his family to Voldemort and that knowledge cut James far more deeply than the knowledge that he was about to die.

But James didn’t have time for anger or sadness or love or pain or any emotion at all because they were running out of time. Voldemort is coming. His eyes locked on Lily’s one last time, trying to put everything into the last look before he turned away from her.

The front door burst open and it occurred to James that he didn’t even have his wand on him. Naive, he thought, stupid. But it was too late now. Now James was staring down Voldemort, the man who had murdered so many of his friends. Show your ugly face you coward, James wanted to say. But he didn’t have time. Voldemort had already raised his wand.

“Avada Kedavra!” A flash of green light. James’ last thought was of Harry and Lily. His son and his wife. He thought of their identical eyes. Of all the incredible times they’d had in the short year that they had together. He loved them. None of this was fair but James could say nothing as he fell to the floor, the flash of green light still burned into his eyes. It might have been the green of their eyes. Harry and Lily.

---------

“Lily!” James called. She could hear the panic in his voice; it was contagious. “It’s him. Take Harry and go!” Him. Lily knew who that was. Voldemort. But how had he found them? They had taken so many drastic measures, been so careful, even used the Fidelius Charm. It was impossible to find them unless… Peter had betrayed them? Lily felt winded. She couldn’t breathe. But she didn’t have time to breathe or to try and digest everything that was happening. She had to protect Harry. But she couldn’t leave James. She looked at him and their eyes met.

“James,” she said, her voice barely a whisper. I love you. But there wasn’t enough air in her lungs to allow her to say the words. But when James nodded at her, she knew that she didn’t need to say anything more. James knew. And in his eyes, she saw the same words she was trying to push out of her throat. I love you, too. But there was something else there too, a look Lily had hoped she would never see in James’ eyes. The look of resignation. The look of defeat. James knew where he was going. He knew what was going to happen. But he was going anyway. Lily wanted to stop him. She wanted to go instead of him. But there was no time to argue. She had to run. For Harry.

James turned away first, running towards the door to try and fend Voldemort off. There was no chance for him. Lily knew it but she tried not to think about it as she ran up the stairs to Harry’s room. But then she heard a thud from downstairs. The thud of a body hitting the floor. It was over. Even if, by some miracle, she and Harry survived, James was dead. He was gone.

But she didn’t have time to think about it, she didn’t have a second to digest what had happened, because at that moment the hooded figure of Lord Voldemort burst into the room. Lily felt a wave of fear. She threw herself in front of Harry’s crib.

“Not Harry.” Lily tried to sound firm, commanding but she sounded like she was begging. She was desperate to save Harry and this was her last option. She had no wand. And she would do anything to protect her son. “Not Harry, please, take me instead. Kill me instead.” She knew it was futile — Voldemort had only come here for Harry — but giving in was not an option.

“Stand aside, you silly girl,” Voldemort said.

“Not Harry, please not Harry,” Lily felt tears coming but she didn’t let them flow. Voldemort had had enough. He raised his wand and Lily knew she had failed. Failed to protect her son, failed to protect her husband. It was over.

“Avada Kedavra!”

Lily screamed. Her last thought was of James. It was his name that she screamed when Voldemort’s curse hit her. At least she wouldn’t have to live without him. At least she could be with him now. In sickness and in health. In life and in death.

45 notes · View notes

marauders-venting · 3 years

Text

Monopoly and Child’s Play

pairing: wolfstar (remus x sirius)

genre: fluff

warnings: none

words: 5084

a/n: this was a request from someone on Instagram and i loved it :D

“Sirius, hurry up and get out of the fucking shower, we’re going to be late,” Remus called, from the living room. Remus was sure that Sirius had heard him and yet, it still took another fifteen minutes before Sirius finally came into the living room.

“What took you so long?” Remus asked.

“Well maybe if you’d joined me I would’ve been quicker,” Sirius said.

“Why do I doubt that?” Remus said, taking his hand. “Come on, it’s late, they’ll be waiting for us.”

They grasped hands and Apparated into Godric’s Hollow. Remus pushed open the gate leading into Lily and James’ garden and knocked on the door.

“Why are you knocking?” Sirius asked. “Just go inside, it’s not locked.”

“You are aware that this is not our house, right?” Remus said.

“Oh, come on, Lily and James don’t care,” Sirius said. “I do it all the time.” Remus rolled his eyes just as James opened the door.

“Well, hello to you too,” James said. “I don’t think you’ve greeted me with an eye roll since 4th or 5th year.” Remus opened his mouth to apologise. “Relax, I’m just kidding. Come inside.” He stood back from the doorway and Remus and Sirius complied.

“Hey, Peter,” Remus said, seeing Peter sitting on the couch in the living room.

“Hey, guys.”

“So what did Sirius do this time?” James asked. Remus and Peter laughed and Sirius crossed his arms.

“I only told him that he didn’t have to knock,” Sirius said. “It’s not like I ever knock, I just walk in.”

“You know, Rem, he’s actually got a point there,” James said.

“Yeah, I don’t knock either,” Peter said.

“Fine, then I won’t knock, I guess,” Remus said. “Sorry we’re so late by the way. Somebody took forever and a day to wash his hair.” Remus shot a glance at Sirius.

“What are you talking about, you’re not late,” James said.

“Ah but they think they are,” Lily said, walking into the room with Harry.

“Uncle Padfoot! Uncle Moony!” Harry yelled excitedly, running up to them and hugging them.

“Hi, Prongslet,” Sirius said, crouching down and lifting Harry. “Wow, you’ve grown so much!” Harry giggled.

“You saw me yesterday,” he said.

“I know, and you’re already so much taller,” Sirius said, putting him down.

“Maybe you’re just shrinking, love,” Remus said, earning him a poke in the side. “Hey, Harry,” he added, ruffling Harry’s hair and hugging him.

“What, I don’t get a hug?” Peter said, standing up from the couch. Harry ran over to Peter and hugged him.

“Hi, Uncle Peter!” Harry said. Peter crouched down and gave him a high-five as Remus turned to Lily.

“Wait, what did you mean before?” he asked. “About us thinking that we’re late.”

“Well, since last time you two were so late we missed our reservation, I told you that our reservation is at 7 and that you should be here at 6:30. But our reservation is actually at 7:30 and since it’s 6:53 now, we’re going to leave exactly on time.” Sirius gasped dramatically.

“Evil genius,” he said.

“Well, normally yes,” Lily said, “but this wasn’t evil or genius, Sirius, I just know you too well.”

“Did you lie to Peter about the times as well?” Sirius asked.

“No,” she said.

“Rude.”

“Yeah but Pads, unlike you I was actually on time,” Peter said. “I got here before you and you thought you were meant to be here half an hour ago.”

“That’s entirely missing the point,” Sirius said.

“What’s the point then?” Remus asked.

“That Lily has no faith in us!” Sirius said.

“That��s not true,” Lily countered. “I have faith in Remus. Just not you.”

“Moony,” Sirius pouted, “your friend is bullying me.”

“Daddy, I’m hungry,” Harry said, running up to James and tugging his hand.

“Alright, buddy, you’re having dinner soon with your uncles but Mummy and I are going out,” James said.

“So you won’t tuck me in?” Harry asked. James looked so upset about the sadness in Harry’s voice that Sirius thought he was a second away from cancelling their dinner plans.

“Don’t worry, Prongslet,” he said, swooping in and crouching beside Harry, “me and Uncle Moony and Uncle Peter are here to tuck you in. And Mummy and Daddy will say good night after you’ve already gone to sleep.”

“Promise?” Harry asked, turning to Lily and James.

“We promise, sweetie,” Lily said. “Why don’t you go pick out a game from your room for you to play with your uncles after dinner?”

“Okay,” Harry said, excitedly, running up the stairs to his room.

“Don’t take it to heart, James,” Remus said. “He’ll forget he was even upset about it in a minute.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” James sighed.

“What time do you guys think you’ll be back?” Peter asked.

“Probably around nine-thirty,” Lily said.

“Okay,” Peter nodded, “I told you I can’t stay past eight right?” Lily and James nodded but Sirius spoke before either of them managed to say anything.

“You’re ditching us?” he said, gasping dramatically. “Wormtail, I don’t think I can ever forgive you.”

“Why do you have to go, Pete?” Remus asked.

“I’m having dinner with Amelia and her boyfriend,” Peter said.

“Oooo big step for him,” James said. “Meeting the girlfriend’s brother. Be nice to him, Wormy, he’s probably nervous.”

“Right because I was planning on being horrible,” Peter said, rolling his eyes. “Of course I’ll be nice. Unless he’s a dick. Then I’ll match his energy.”

“Seems reasonable,” Lily said. Then she checked her watch. “We should get going, Jamie,” she added as Harry came back down the stairs, a box in his hands.

“Okay well, Harry’s had a bath already,” James said. “Haven’t you, Harry?”

“Uncle Pads, look!” Harry said. “I’m wearing your pyjamas!” Sirius smiled. Last year, Sirius had bought Harry quidditch pyjamas (which were quite similar to the ones that James had bought for Harry when he was born) and they had come to be known as “Sirius’ pyjamas” in the Potter household.

“Yeah, they look great,” Sirius said, smiling at Harry. “I have excellent taste. Harry, if you ever need fashion advice come to me. Aunt Marlene can help as well. But not Uncle Moony. Remember that.”

“I find it ironic that you’re throwing shade at my fashion sense while you’re wearing my clothes,” Remus said. Sirius was, in fact, wearing one of Remus’ sweaters.

“Okay, as interesting as this conversation is,” Lily said sarcastically as Sirius opened his mouth to respond, “we really need to get going.”

“Yeah,” James said. “We’ve ordered pizzas — they’re on the kitchen counter — but you can make anything you like. Bed time’s at eight. Call if you need anything and—”

“Merlin, Prongs, we’ve been doing this at least once a week since Harry was born,” Sirius said. “You don’t have to go over it every single time.”

“Yeah, we know what to do,” Peter said. “Just go. We’ve got this.”

“Okay, okay,” James said. “Excuse me for being concerned for the safety of my child.”

“What do you have to be concerned about?” Sirius said. “He’s with us.”

“That is exactly what I’m concerned about,” James muttered. He crouched down to Harry’s height. “Bye, Prongs Jr,” he said as he hugged Harry. “Be good.”

“I’m always good, Daddy,” Harry said.

“I know,” James said, kissing his head. “Bye-bye.”

“Bye, Harry,” Lily said, kissing his head as well. “We love you.”

“Bye Mummy, bye Daddy!” Harry waved at them as they walked out the door and then hurried to the window to watch them Disapparate like he did every time. As soon as they were gone, Harry turned back to his uncles.

“I’m hungry.”

“Okay, then,” Sirius says. “Let’s go get pizza.”

“Yay, pizza!” Harry says, running into the kitchen. Remus, Sirius and Peter follow him and find two pizza boxes stacked on top of each other on the kitchen counter.

“Damn, Prongs didn’t get one with pineapple on it,” Peter says, checking the boxes.

“That’s because he’s not Satan,” Remus says.

“Uncle Moony, what’s a satan?” Harry asks, sitting down at the kitchen table.

“That, Harry, is a story for another time,” Remus says. “Which pizza do you want, plain or olives?”

“Olives,” Harry says.

“What’s the magic word?” Remus asks. Sirius raises an eyebrow at him.

“Please,” Harry says and Remus puts the plate with a slice of pizza in front of him. “Thank you.”

“What?” Sirius says. “That’s not a magic word.”

“Sirius, we’ve explained this to you a million times,” Peter says. “It’s a muggle expression. People use it to teach kids manners.”

“But why would you call it a magic word when it isn’t one?” Sirius asks.

“‘Please’ is a magic word,” Harry says. “That’s what Mummy said.”

“And she’s right,” Remus says. “Jesus, Sirius, stop trying to undo the kid’s education.”

“Okay, okay, I’m shutting up,” Sirius says, taking a bite of pizza.

---------

“Alright Harry, what do you want to do?” Sirius asked once they’d finished eating.

“Play monopoly!” Harry said.

“Play… what?” Sirius asked. Remus smiled.

“Monopoly,” he said. “It’s a muggle board game. Harry, do you know how to play?”

“Yeah, Mummy taught me yesterday,” Harry said.

“Yeah, your mum and I used to play all the time at Hogwarts,” Remus said.

“Excuse me,” Sirius said. “You played without me?”

“We invited you!” Remus exclaimed. “You watched us play once, remember?”

“Oh, it’s that game with the colourful money?”

“Yeah. Come on, it’s fun. Harry and I will teach you, won’t we, Harry?”

“Yeah, come on Uncle Pads,” Harry said.

“Pete, come, we’re playing monopoly,” Remus called to Peter who had gone to throw the empty pizza boxes in the large bin outside.

“Coming,” Peter called back, closing the door behind him.

“I played today with Mummy and Daddy,” Harry said, sitting cross-legged next to the board as Remus started setting up the games and handing out money.

“Who won?”

“Mummy,” Harry said. “Daddy’s really bad at it but Mummy is the best.”

“Prongs is bad at this, is he,” Sirius says smirking. “I’ll be sure to remember that. I thought you said there’s colourful money,” Sirius added to Remus.

“There usually is,” Remus said. Peter looked at the box.

“This is the junior version,” he said. “So each bill is worth one pound… or galleon to you, I suppose. Basically, it means less math. Which is good for you.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m dumb, we know,” Sirius said. “So how do you play?”

“Basically you’re trying to buy as many properties as possible but not go bankrupt,” Remus explains, “and the person with the most money at the end wins.”

---------

Thirty minutes and many fake purchases later, Sirius went bankrupt and Harry beat Remus by five galleons and Peter by seventeen galleons (as they had referred to the currency for Sirius’ convenience).

“I won,” Harry said excitedly. “I beat all of you.”

“Yeah, well done, Harry,” Sirius said.

“You’re really good at this game,” Remus said.

“Yeah, you managed to beat Uncle Moony,” Peter said. “You’ve achieved the impossible.” Remus rolled his eyes and then he checked his watch.

“Okay, Harry, it’s bedtime now,” he said.

“But I’m not tired,” Harry said, jumping to his feet. “I want to ride my broom.”

“You can ride your broom tomorrow, Harry,” Sirius said. “It’s time to go to sleep.”

“I don’t want to sleep,” Harry whined.

“If you go to bed now, Uncle Moony will read you a bedtime story,” Sirius said.

“He will?” Remus said, eyebrows raised.

“Yeah,” Sirius said. “Right?”

“Yeah, sure,” Remus shrugged.

“Okay,” Harry said.

“Good,” Sirius said, kissing the top of his head. “Now go brush your teeth first, okay?”

“Okay, Uncle Pads,” Harry said, running up the stairs.

“I can’t believe you lost,” Sirius said, slipping his arm around Remus’ waist.

“Yeah, Remus, you damaged your whole reputation just now,” Peter said.

“And he was like… normal about it,” Sirius added.

“That’s because I let him win,” Remus said, “too bad you can’t say the same.”

“How would you know? Maybe I did let him win,” Sirius said, as they stood up and walked towards the staircase, arms still around each other.

“Well, did you?”

“I could have.”

“Okay, babe, whatever you say,” Remus said.

“Okay, I have to go bully my sister’s boyfriend now,” Peter sighed.

“Are you gonna come say goodnight to Harry before you leave?” Remus asked.

“Yeah,” Peter said. He grabbed his jacket from the couch and they went into Harry’s room and waited for a minute for Harry to finish brushing his teeth.

“Did you brush properly?” Remus asked.

“Yeah, I brushed all of my teeth, even the wiggly tooth,” Harry said.

“Good,” Sirius said. “Now get into bed and Uncle Peter will tuck you in before he has to go.” Harry crawled into his bed and Peter kissed his forehead.

“Bye-bye, Uncle Peter,” Harry said, hugging him.

“Good night, Harry,” Peter said. “Sleep tight, don’t let the bed bugs bite.” Harry giggled.

“Bye, guys,” Peter said.

“Bye, Pete.”

“See you, Wormy.”

“Story time!” Harry said once Peter had closed the door.

“Which story do you want?” Remus asked. Sirius lay down next to Harry in the bed.

“Babbitty Rabbitty!” Harry said. Remus found The Tales of Beedle the Bard on the shelf and lay down on Harry’s other side.

“Babbitty Rabbitty and Her Cackling Stump,” Remus read. “A long time ago, in a far-off land, there lived a foolish king who decided that he alone should have the power of magic…” Remus kept reading the book, slowing down every time Harry and Sirius said that he was reading too fast for them to understand a word. Harry was lying against Remus and made him stop every time there was a photo on the page; Remus would give Harry the book and Harry would examine every photo closely, just as he did with every story that anyone had ever read him.

“Look, you can see her tiny little eyes inside the tree stump,” he said. “Because she’s hiding.” And Sirius and Remus, despite having heard this at least thirty times before, pretended to be enthusiastic about this finding. Then Harry would give the book back to Remus and ask him to keep reading.

“Babbitty hopped out of the grounds and far away, and ever after a gold statue of the washerwoman stood upon the tree stump, and no witch or wizard was ever persecuted again.” Remus finished and closed the book. He looked over at Sirius and Harry; they both had their eyes closed, on the brink of falling asleep if they hadn’t already. Remus quietly left the room, got Lily’s camera from her and James’ room and took a photo of them together. Godfather and godson.

“Good night, Harry,” he whispered, kissing his forehead. He leaned over and lightly kissed Sirius’ lips. “Are you awake, love?”

“Yeah,” Sirius whispered, nodding. He rubbed his eyes. “I’m coming.” He kissed the top of Harry’s head and carefully climbed out of the bed.

They quietly left the room, closed the door behind them and went downstairs. Sirius lay down on Remus’ lap, pressing his face into Remus’ abdomen.

“Tired?” Remus asked, running his fingers through his husband’s hair.

“Yeah,” Sirius said, looking up at him.

“It’s not even eight-thirty yet.”

“Yeah, I know but I’m still tired,” Sirius said. “Read me something? Please?”

“What, Babbitty Rabbitty?” Remus teased. “Or maybe you’d prefer The Wizard and the Hopping Pot.”

“I don’t mind,” Sirius shrugged. “Whatever you want.”

“Well, I know Lily’s been rereading the Sherlock Holmes books again, so she probably has them somewhere around here,” Remus scanned the living room and spotted the book on the coffee table. Sirius reached out to get it, nearly falling off the couch as he did so. “Any story in particular that you want?”

“Whichever one is your favourite.”

“I’m kind of tempted to pick The Final Problem,” Remus said. “But I won’t do that to you. Okay, I’m giving you three options to choose from: The Adventure of Charles Augustus Milverton, The Adventure of the Dying Detective or The Adventure of the Devil’s Foot.”

“Moony, why do you like it when characters die?” Sirius asked, making Remus laugh. “I don’t care, just not the dying detective one.”

“He doesn’t actually— you know what, fine then. Charles Augustus Milverton it is,” Remus said. He opened the book carefully so that Lily’s bookmark wouldn’t fall out, flipped to the right page and began to read. “It is years since the incident of which I speak took place, and yet it is with diffidence that I allude to them…” As Remus read, he ran his fingers through Sirius’ hair, playing with it, curling it around his finger. Sirius traced circles on Remus’ thigh, sometimes closing his eyes. Once, he pulled up the hem of Remus’ shirt slightly and pressed his lips to the bare skin above the waistband of Remus’ jeans, at which point Remus inhaled sharply and stumbled over the words he was reading and Sirius smirked.

“My eyes met those of Holmes, and he put his finger to his lips as we turned away from the window.” Remus looked down at Sirius when he finished. “Well?” he asked.

“Well, what?”

“Well, what do you think?”

“I think it’s really fucking gay.”

“Surprise, surprise,” Remus said, laughing. “But yeah no, it’s definitely gay. If you think that’s gay, you should read the Devil’s Foot, that was a really good one.”

“Then let’s read that one.”

“Maybe later,” Remus said. “My throat is kind of sore from all the reading. I’m going to make tea, d’you want some?”

“Yeah, I’ll come with you,” Sirius said. They made the tea, boiled the water with magic and returned to the living room.

Sirius stretched his legs out over Remus’ lap and dropped his head on Remus’ shoulder. They sit quietly for a few moments, sipping tea.

“Look at this,” Remus said, putting his empty mug down on the coffee table and picking up Lily’s camera that he had left there. He turned it on and showed Sirius the photo of him and Harry. Sirius smiled.

“You’re really good with him, y’know,” Sirius said, glancing upstairs towards where Harry was sleeping.

“So are you,” Remus said, smiling at him. Sirius fiddled with his rings like he’s nervous. He looked like he was on the verge of saying something but wasn’t sure if he wanted to say it.

“What is it?” Remus asked. He lifted Sirius’ chin and kissed his forehead. “What are you thinking about?”

“Nah it’s nothing,” Sirius said, looking down. He was twisting his wedding band around.

“Pads,” Remus said. “What’s up?”

“Okay but you can’t freak out,” Sirius said. “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. This is just a thought.”

“Okay?” Remus said, confused. “Sirius, what is it?” Sirius sat up, tucking his legs underneath him and looking at Remus.

“Lately,” he started slowly. “I’ve been thinking about… maybe… if you and I could… have our own baby.” Remus was silent for a moment, processing the words and their meaning. “We don’t have to,” Sirius added hurriedly. “I just thought… I mean I love taking care of Harry and spending time with him and I–I think you do too, so it made me think about it. But we don’t have to.”

“Sirius, I—” Remus started, “I’m sorry I just can’t see how this would work.”

“What do you mean?” Sirius asked.

“I mean…” Remus hesitated, “How am I supposed to take care of a baby? I can’t even take care of myself.”

“What are you talking about? You’re one of the most self-sufficient people I know, Rem,” Sirius said.

“Pads, I’m a werewolf,” Remus said. “If it weren’t for you, James and Peter, I probably would’ve been dead a long time ago.” Sirius shook his head.

“Don’t say that, Remus,” he said. “Don’t say that because it’s not true. You went through full moons by yourself for years before you met us.”

“But what would we do with a baby on full moons?” Remus said. “I’d be putting it at risk every month. What if something happens? And am I just supposed to leave you with the baby once a month?”

“Remus, first of all, even if you did have to leave me alone with the baby every full moon, so what?” Sirius said. “It’s not that different from me babysitting Harry alone. But that’s not going to happen anyway because I’m going to be with you for every full moon for the rest of your life, Rem. I’m not leaving you to transform alone.”

“What would do with the baby then?”

“I’m sure Lily and James wouldn’t mind watching the baby for one night a month. Or Peter or Marlene and Dorcas or any of our friends.”

“I— yeah I suppose that’s true,” Remus said considering it.

“Look, Rem, the only question here is whether you want to do this or not?” Sirius said. “Do you want to have a baby?”

“I want to but—”

“Then there is no ‘but’ Remus,” Sirius said. “If you want to have a baby then the rest will work itself out.”

“I want to,” Remus said. Everything that could go wrong flashed through his head: full moons and child care and parenting and he’ll probably be a terrible father and the financial aspect, not to mention the technical question of how they would even do it. But despite all this Remus found himself wanting this. He wants to have a baby. And Sirius is right; they’ll figure it out. Together. “I want to have a baby with you, Sirius.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes,” Remus said. “Yes, I am.”

“So we’re gonna do it?” Sirius asked. “We’re having a baby?”

“We’re having a baby,” Remus nodded.

“Oh my god,” Sirius said, hugging Remus. “Oh my god, I love you.” Sirius’ arms remain wrapped around Remus’ neck as he kisses him. “I love you so much,” Sirius said before leaning in to kiss Remus again.

“I love you too,” Remus said into Sirius’ mouth. Sirius’ legs slid out from underneath him and he wrapped them around Remus’ waist. He’s practically sitting in Remus’ lap now, hands cupping Remus’ face as he slides his tongue into Remus’ open mouth.

Just then, the door opened and James and Lily came in.

“Oh Merlin, did we have to ask Peter to stay to supervise you two as well?” James said at the same time that Lily pinched the bridge of her nose and said, “Every fucking time.”

Remus and Sirius broke apart but Remus couldn’t keep the smile off his face, even as Sirius slid off his lap. Sirius’ eyes were teary and he wiped them.

“You’re crying?” James asked. “What happened?”

“Should I tell them?” Remus asked, turning to Sirius.

“Tell us what?” Lily asked hurriedly.

“I wanted to tell them,” Sirius said, pouting.

“Tell us what?!” James said.

“Quiet, Prongs, your child is sleeping,” Sirius said.

“Then fucking tell us already!” James said. Remus and Sirius exchanged a glance.

“We’re going to have a baby,” they said at the same time. James’ eyes widened and Lily clapped her hands to her mouth.

“Oh my god, you guys that’s amazing,” Lily said, running over and hugging them both. “When did you decide this?”

“Like two minutes ago,” Remus laughed.

“This is huge!” James said, hugging them too. “You guys are gonna be parents. Oh, oh, I call godfather!”

“You can’t call godfather,” Sirius said. “What about Peter?”

“You called godfather when we told you Lily was pregnant with Harry,” James pointed out. “Wait, does Peter know?”

“No, he left at eight,” Sirius said. “We were literally just talking about it when you walked in.”

“Really? Because I didn’t see much talking going on,” James said. “I mean, I know you want to have a baby but you know that’s not how it works for you guys.”

“Oh fuck you,” Sirius said as Remus rolled his eyes and Lily laughed.

“Do you know how you’re going to do it?” Lily asked.

“I–I haven’t really thought about it,” Remus said.

“I have,” Sirius said. Remus gave him a look. “What? I think about stuff.”

“You do?” Lily asked. “Are you sure about that?”

“I know, I was surprised too,” Remus said. “Okay, okay, so what were you thinking?” Remus asked as they sat down on the couch.

“Well our options are adoption and surrogacy,” Sirius said. “But each of those has a bunch of sub-categories for us to choose from as well. Like public, private or international adoption and different ways for the surrogate to get pregnant. It’s… a lot. And it’s a long process.”

“But it’ll be worth it,” Remus said, taking his hand.

“Yeah,” Sirius said, smiling. “We have a lot to think about though.”

“That’s okay,” Remus said. “We’ll do some research; we’ll figure it out. Just like you said.”

“Let us know if there’s anything we can do to help,” Lily said.

“Thanks,” Sirius said, giving her a one-armed hug.

“How was Harry, by the way?” she asked.

“He was fine,” Remus said. “He didn’t want to go to bed but then Sirius volunteered me to read a bedtime story so he agreed.”

“And he ate dinner and brushed his teeth and everything?” James asked.

“Of course, Prongs, what do you take us for?” Sirius said. “Have we ever not given Harry food in all of the years that we’ve been babysitting him?”

“So nice of you to have faith in us,” Remus added.

“I do have faith in you, I just—”

“Relax, James, it’s fine,” Sirius said. “We know.” James nodded and there was silence for a moment.

“You know, I learnt something today,” Remus said.

“What’s that?” Lily asked.

“Both James and Sirius are really bad at monopoly,” he said, smirking.

“I’m not bad at monopoly!” James said.

“Potter, you lost to Harry,” Lily said. “A five-year-old.”

“I let him win,” James insisted. “You know, like a good parent.” Lily shrugged, unmoved.

“The sooner he learns that losing is part of life, the better,” she said. “Otherwise, he might end up like his dad who refuses to admit that he lost a game of monopoly.”

“Cause you’re just so great at admitting you lost,” he said sarcastically.

“You don’t need to know how to lose if you never lose,” she said. James looks like he wants to reply but Remus gets there first.

“Okay, okay I have an idea,” he said. “If you say that you lost because you were going easy on Harry then let’s play one round now, just the four of us. Then you don’t have to go easy on anyone and me and Lily can prove that we’re right.”

“You’re on,” Sirius said. “Two teams, me and James against you two.”

“You’re practically begging to lose,” Lily laughed. “Deal. Let’s play.”

So they picked their players and began the game. And, to nobody’s great surprise, Lily and Remus won by a landslide.

“What excuses are you gonna give now?” Lily teased.

“Oh I have one,” Sirius said. “It’s not our fault that we were challenged to a game of monopoly by two mental geniuses.”

“You’re the one who challenged us,” Remus said. “But I will accept that excuse seeing as it’s 100% right.”

Sirius dropped his head on James’ shoulder and closed his eyes.

“I’m tired,” he whined.

“You guys wanna crash on the couch?” James asked.

“Nah, we’ll go home,” Remus said.

“Yeah,” Sirius nodded, forcing his eyes open and standing up. “But we’ll be back tomorrow morning.”

“Sirius, you won’t be awake tomorrow morning,” Lily said. “We’ll see you around lunch.”

“You really do know us too well,” Remus said, standing up as well. “See you tomorrow,” he added, kissing Lily’s cheek.

“Yep,” James said, kissing the top of Sirius’ head because Sirius was short enough that everybody could do that.

“Not on my fucking hair, James!” Sirius said for the twenty-millionth time.

“I do it just for that reaction,” James said, laughing. Sirius pointed the middle finger at James.

“Bye,” he said. He took Remus’ hand and grasped it tightly.

“Bye,” they heard Lily and James say a moment before they apparated back to their living room.

“I’m going to bed,” Sirius said. “You coming?”

“I have to shower first,” Remus said. “But I’ll be quick.” True to his word, Remus was in bed with Sirius less than ten minutes later.

“See, that is a quick shower,” Remus said.

“Well, I like long showers okay,” Sirius said.

“Why aren’t you asleep yet?” Remus asked. “I thought you said you were tired.”

“I am,” Sirius said, snuggling up against him, “but I was waiting for you.”

“Well, I’m here now,” Remus said, brushing his lips against Sirius’ temple.

“Remus?”

“Yeah?”

“Did you mean what you said before?”

“What did I say before?”

“About having a baby.”

“Oh,” Remus said. “Yes. Yeah, of course I did.”

“You’re not…” Sirius hesitated, biting his lip, ��you’re not just doing it because I asked? I don’t want to force you—”

“You’re not,” Remus said hurriedly. “I swear, Sirius, you’re not. I really do want this. I was just…”

“I know,” Sirius said, finding Remus’ hand under the blanket and squeezing it. Remus nodded.

“But I think you’re right,” he said.

“Well, that’s a first,” Sirius said. Remus laughed.

“Come on, I’m being—” Remus caught himself a moment before he said ‘serious’. “I’m being… genuine?”

“You could’ve just let me make the pun y’know,” Sirius said.

“Never,” Remus said. “Never again.” He waited for a moment. “Really, though. I think you’re right. As long as we both want this, we can make it work. And I do want to have a baby with you. So I think… I believe you. I think this will work.”

“Have a told you I love you?” Sirius said, kissing him.

“Too many times,” Remus laughed.

“Impossible,” Sirius said, pulling Remus towards him and pressing their lips together.

Remus meant every word he said to Sirius. He wanted to have a baby and he really believed that they could do it. That they could raise a kid. If James and Lily could do it how hard could it be? And the knowledge that they were going to do this, that he was going to start something new albeit slightly terrifying with Sirius, made that kiss all the more exciting.

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