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#-recommend“ instead of just going ”okay were gonna do this. im gonna explain the prep to you a mile a minute and if you have any follow up-
ink-asunder · 8 months
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Having demand avoidance in a medical setting is literally hell. Like, patient autonomy is already absolute ass. It's only made worse when doctors CONSISTENTLY tell you what to do and act like you HAVE to do it instead of consulting with you first like normal fucking people.
#also “”“”medical necessity“”“” is NOT an excuse here.#ive been to plenty of doctors that thoroughly discuss a range/timeline of treatment and explain it IN DETAIL before saying “thats what i-#-recommend“ instead of just going ”okay were gonna do this. im gonna explain the prep to you a mile a minute and if you have any follow up-#-questions im just gonna repeat part of my spiel with no clarification. and if i cant answer your questions too bad :)“#not to mention how many doctors just force you to do things that WILL NEVER WORK#like one therapist tried forcing me to do emdr when i was only IN HER TOWN for the summer and i had no internet access when i was at college#im pretty sure emdr takes several weeks to work and i did not have that kind of time available to me. i couldnt just drop out bc of ptsd.#also the number of times ive had to decline an ESI is stupid. I've already had 2! they didn't work! i had a bad reaction to the meds!#why am i being forced to do it again?#also back surgery. i cant do that because i am a white trash rural kid and our home (which we built ourselves) CANNOT be accessible enough#for spinal surgery recovery. but i went to the surgeon and he was like “thats valid! and also surgery literally wouldnt help you so idk why-#-they sent you here.“ : l It's cool to be right all the time lol#its like. no wonder i developed medical demand avoidance after so much traumatizing and malpracticy bullshit in my life#demand avoidance#medical demand avoidance#chronic illness burnout#chronic illness#chronic pain#medical tw#ptsd#disability#medical neglect#medical trauma#vent#this might be too personal. if i do delete it ill have it rb'd on my boar-deer-whitetrashbutterfly blog first#idk i just havent really been able to find anyone else talking about this specific effect of being chronically ill/disabled.
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littlespoonevan · 3 years
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Hi Ciara!! Im new to the fandom and was wondering if you had any fics to recommend? Like what are your top ride-or-dies that are quintessential buddie reads
Hey, my love! Welcome to the fandom!! I can definitely recommend you some fics :D this is a fic rec i made a while back which includes some of my all time favourite fics so i'm gonna add some newer fics here that have weaved their way into my heart :’) you can also find my buddie ao3 bookmarks here 
This is the place we were made by justhockey
Buck learned far too young that you should never make homes out of people.
When you have as much baggage as he does - boxes upon boxes of carefully wrapped trauma with fragile stickers taped to the sides - no one ever wants to help you unpack.
standing on the brink of emptiness by woodchoc_magnum
In which Eddie is struggling in the aftermath of being shot, learning how to take care of himself and realising he's in love with Buck; and Buck is dating Taylor, taking care of Eddie and Christopher and trying to figure out why he's so goddamn confused about everything.
Half Awake in Our Fake Empire by HMSLusitania
In which the past catches up in unexpected ways, the universe finds a new voice to scream with, and an LA rain storm changes everything.
OR
Buck 1.0 fathered a child and Buck 4.0 comes into custody.
To Build a Home We Deconstruct Our Rituals by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels
After the shooting, Eddie realizes he needs to put some things in place. Like who will get his assets if he dies. Who will speak for him if he ends up in a coma. What might happen if his family contests Buck's guardianship. Luckily, he's got a simple easy-peasy solution that won't result in insanity, catastrophe, or heartbreak:
Marry Buck.
First Best by hopeintheashes
"How come you're never around anymore?" Chris asks, in the moment he's least prepared.
"What do you want?" Taylor asks, tangled up on the couch together, wine in hand.
What he wants— who he wants— feels impossibly far away.
. . .
Buck and Taylor as friends with benefits, where the benefits are platonic cuddling and a little bit of tough love.
Buck and Eddie, figuring out that they don't have to live without each other, or by anyone else's rules.
In which everyone finally learns to ask for what they need.
but I called from the dark and you picked up the phone by allisonRW96
"Last time it was a thing that happened to him. Bad. Ugly. But past-tense. He forced down the memories to focus on more important things. This time, it’s like it never stopped happening. Like the bullet never exited his body and instead it’s still ricocheting around in there. Like it won’t stop until it tears up every part of him. "
Eddie has a bad night. Buck's there for him.
Before the Night Fades by MilenaDaniels
“I have a bottle of champagne, four champagne flutes, one engagement ring to go into one of those champagne flutes, and a note to deliver it all to table 34 with dessert,” Tomas explains, wide-eyed, throwing his hand back to the prep station where said champagne is waiting on ice next to four flutes and a small ring box.
“Okay?”
“Okay so there’s two men and two women and I have no idea who’s getting proposed to. I’m not even 100% on who came with who."
---
Or, EddieAna and BuckTaylor double date and it ruins everyone's night.
Close My Eyes and Stumble (Right Into Your Love) by HMSLusitania
Eddie's PTSD is just that little bit worse and when he moves to Los Angeles, instead of joining the LAFD, he joins dispatch.
Which is all good and fine, except for this one firefighter he keeps ending up talking to.
underneath my scars by woodchoc_magnum
Post 5x01 "Panic", in which Eddie struggles with his panic attacks, Buck helps him through it, and they find their way to each other.
i don't swim and you're not in love by hattalove
She turns to Eddie and says something else, but Buck is busy fighting the headrush he gets at the sound of Ana Flores calling Eddie and Christopher 'the boys'. Like they belong to her already.
God, what’s wrong with him? What is this?
or, eddie cooks, chris domesticates a slug, and buck tries to figure out why he hates his best friend's girlfriend. to everyone's immense shock and surprise, it goes badly.
tell the whole wide world and this room by hattalove
"I talk a lot. It’s probably not fun to sit through for something you’ll just instantly forget."
Eddie tilts his head. “Who’s forgetting?”
in which we learn about fermented milk products, discover that dolphins are sex fiends, and realize that sometimes, it really is all about knowing and being known.
with every heartbeat i have left by iriswests
Buck and Eddie were expecting to have a little girl.
When their baby girl is born a baby boy, instead, Buck is suddenly confronted with everything he’s been ignoring since he learned about Daniel every time he looks at his son.
--
or; buck and eddie have a baby boy, and buck spirals a little bit
when i was shipwrecked (i thought of you) by catching_paper_moons
Buck walks toward Jee-Yun’s room, still talking, and Christopher trails after him, asking excited questions in response, and Eddie’s smile grows. He wants this forever. Everything, every part of it; Buck, Christopher, and him—that’s all he needs. And—
Oh. Oh no. He shuts his eyes for a moment, inhaling sharply.
He’s looking at Buck, and feeling something strictly not platonic at all.
or: Eddie needs to learn how to let himself feel, and one step at a time, he learns how to do just that. (And he falls in love with Buck along the way.)
shout if you want my heart by hattalove
“I’m not even in the neighborhood of mad,” he says, instead of vomiting any of the thousand feelings warring inside him. “But Buck. This would’ve—this took you hours.”
“I’m good at multitasking,” Buck says, and Eddie can practically hear him shrugging over the phone. “I did all the cooking after I put Chris to bed, and then I got up a little earlier to get the cleaning and laundry done. It was nothing.”
Eddie’s starting to suspect he’ll have to wait for Buck to come back to make him understand that, actually, it kind of was everything.
or, eddie has a tupperware-induced emotional crisis.
no kingdom to come by waywardrenegades
Family, FaceTime, guilt trips, phone calls, church, heart healthy meals, and learning how to let yourself be happy. Whatever that looks like.
or; when his father experiences a health scare, Eddie flies to El Paso.
Plus or Minus by ElvenSorceress
"Chris said you were crying. You came home, hugged him, and cried more than he’s ever seen.”
Eddie considers for a moment but then shrugs and continues neatly stacking mugs in the cupboard. “It happens. Sometimes. I’ve been told I’m supposed to let it out instead of bottle it up. So. There you go.”
“Why are you cleaning out the kitchen? Why is my stuff in boxes?”
Eddie slows, then stops. “Figured you’d want it back.” It’s quieter. Pained. When he says it.
“I haven’t decided anything. So unless you’re kicking me out—”
“Buck. Come on.” He’s not angry or snapping. It’s still quiet, and somehow that hurts even more. He’s resigned and defeated, and Buck is a scooped out, gutted, hollow shell. “I know how this ends the same way you do. You want to be loved, you want to be married. You’re going to leave. Might as well…” His voice cracks before he can finish and get it under control. “Shouldn’t drag it out.”
~~~
Taylor is offered a job across the country and asks Buck to go with her.
Buck has to figure out if he wants to start over or if he has a reason to stay right where he is.
i did, i did, i do by hattalove
I didn’t know what it meant when you kissed me up against that counter, Buck wants to say. He wants to name every place that’s hurt to see for the past three years. Wants to remind Eddie of the way they used to be in bed together, quiet and all-consuming, the way their hands would curl together on Eddie’s stomach in their sleep. Wants to ask why Ana isn’t there anymore, why Eddie doesn’t tell him to get out when Buck’s spending the seventh consecutive night on his couch.
Buck wants, and wants, and wants.
Isn’t that the story of his life.
or the one in which, a couple of weeks after meeting each other, buck and eddie fell in love, broke up, and then forgot to fall out of it.
your summer sun forever by hattalove
“Crisis averted,” he says, and bites his lip to get the sting in his eyes to go away. He’s still a little rattled about Oklahoma, is all.
They’ll settle into being together. Into being in love.
or, buck learns a thing or two about the difference between a love that is spoken, and a love that is felt.
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