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young-dumb-and-vaccinated · 3 years

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The Cult Girl (Hannibal x Female!Reader) pt. 13

Hello friends we have come to the end of Cult Girl. Thank you all for hyping me up throughout this story and giving me the confidence to actually post my work. Y/n and Hannibal throw a dinner party.

The sunlight streamed in through the window, illuminating the entire kitchen in that homey mid-morning glow. You were enjoying your coffee and scrolling through an article on your phone.

"Senator Hatch reportedly coughed up his late wife's toe on the floor of the precinct." You read out loud. "Huh. Wonder how that could have happened."

You side-eyed Hannibal, who was contentedly sharpening his knives. Placing a rather large meat cleaver to the side, he met your gaze. "I have my ways."

You finished off your coffee and brought the mug to the sink. "There was no way Theresa was going to survive that night, was there?"

"Clever girl." Hannibal praised.

"You were going to kill her if I didn't, were you?" You felt a smile coming on. "Did everything turn out as expected?"

"Darling, this all went much better than I could have ever hoped for." He smirked. "See, I had the whole evening mapped out. I was hoping you'd be the one to deliver justice and kill her, but I had to prepare for the possibility that you wouldn't."

You folded your arms and leaned against the island. "Is that why I was so sick that day?"

You could have sworn you saw some hesitation in Hannibal's face. Maybe even a touch of regret. "Yes. You needed an alibi. It was as easy as removing a single birth control pill from your packet. You'd see it was missing and think you'd already taken your medicine-"

"So I'd neglect to take my focus meds." You cut in. "Yeah, I knew something was off."

"By the end of the day, you'd be experiencing full withdrawal symptoms." Hannibal nodded. "I don't take any pleasure in upsetting the delicate balance of your brain chemistry, and for that I am sorry. I did what I had to."

"Yeah, don't ever do that again." You ordered, no disarming smile in sight. "I need those meds to function."

"I promise you, darling," Hannibal said, sincerely. "I would never keep you from being anything but your very best. I was just looking after you."

"I suppose now that all this is out in the open, you won't need to pull any shit like that again." You muttered. "But I'm still going to keep my pills at my apartment."

"That reminds me." He said. "Would you like to invite your roommates for dinner tonight? I've prepared a wonderful Spanish-inspired menu that's perfect for entertaining."

"I'd love for you to meet my friends, but, they all keep such weird hours I doubt they'll all be free tonight." You shrugged. "I'll give them a call though."

"Wonderful." He smiled. "You make arrangements while I prepare the kitchen."

You stepped into the office and called up Pilar. She answered within the minute.

"[F/N]!" She near shouted. "Holy fuck, how are you doing?"

"I'm actually doing..." you looked back into the kitchen, watching your beloved Hannibal in his element. "Really well."

"I heard about your cousin." Pilar cut in. "One down, two to go."

You snorted. "No fucking shit."

"Sorry, was that okay for me to say?" She apologized. "I know you said Theresa was a bitch, but it's your trauma and I-"

"No, you're fine." You laughed. "She was a bitch. Hey, do you have any plans tonight?"

"Uh, no. I don't think so." She answered. "Why?"

"Hannibal wants to invite you all for dinner tonight." You said with an audible smile. "Y'know, to celebrate the bitch's death."

"Yo! Steph!" Pilar shouted across the room. "Wake Randy up! We're having dinner at [F/N]'s rich boyfriend's house!"

You could make out Stephanie's voice in the background. "It's about damn time. We've been waiting for her to redistribute the wealth."

"She means thank you for the invitation." Pilar corrected.

"It's not like I had to twist his arm or anything. It was his idea." You chuckled. "He loves having guests. And excuses to dress up."

"Oh so we're getting fancy, huh?" Pilar's voice turned up in excitement.

"Hey [F/N]!" Randy snatched the phone from Pilar. "Text me the menu for tonight. My girlfriend'll steal a nice bottle of wine to pair. She's a pro, she works over at Cavatappi's wine and spirits."

"Much obliged, Randy." You said. "I'll see you guys at seven."

You returned to the kitchen with a smile. "They're coming."

"Well, we don’t have a moment to lose, then." Hannibal placed something wrapped in butcher paper on the counter. "Come now. Let me show you how to properly prepare a heart.

You and Hannibal spent the rest of the morning and the whole afternoon preparing a bountiful meal. You reveled in the irony of finally finding a space for Theresa in your life. That space just so happened to be on the stove.

Seven came far too quickly, but your friends were always a welcome sight. You greeted them at the door with hugs, Hannibal watching with stoic adoration.

"Guys, this is Hannibal Lecter, my partner." You introduced. "Hannibal, this is Pilar, Stephanie and Miranda."

"It is a pleasure to meet you, ladies." Hannibal greeted. “Please, make yourselves comfortable.”

"Here you go, Dr. Lecter." Randy handed him a bottle of wine. "Thank you for inviting us."

Hannibal examined the bottle. "Yes, this will pair quite nicely with our meal. Thank you very much. [F/N], could you show our guests to the dining room?"

You nodded and accepted the bottle, given the extra responsibility of pouring. You led your friends to the dining room and wasted no time distributing the alcohol.

"A toast." Stephanie rose her glass. "Too many of history's worst have had the privilege of dying on their own terms. Today, we celebrate the death of one who didn't: Theresa [L/N]."

"She will join her sisters Nancy Reagan and Madame Nhu in hell tonight." You concurred, tapping your glasses together with a series of satisfying clinks.

"Okay, you need to spill." Randy scooted her chair up and leaned towards you. "How the hell did you get away with it?"

"Well, it helped a lot that her husband was already a felon." You teased. "If I didn't kill her, he was going to eventually."

Pilar made a face. "I can't believe it took actual murder to get that latter-day lump thrown in prison."

"Well, the LDS church is a very influential organization with a stronghold on all of Utah." You explained. "There's a long history of legitimizing sex abuse there."

"We know, cult girl." Stephanie laughed. "You remind us every time your pedophile cousin-in-law comes up. Relax and take your victories where you can get them.”

“Ladies,” Hannibal entered. You rushed to his side to help him with the dinner plates. “Have we ever tried organ meat before?”

Everyone’s eyes found Pilar.

“Braised liver is delicious and you guys are just cowards.” Pilar protested. “I will die on this hill.”

Hannibal smiled and presented your friends with their plates. “You are a woman of good tastes, Pilar. Our first course is Riñones al Jerez.”

“Kidneys.” Randy translated. “Who’s kidneys are we eating today, Dr. Lecter?”

He tilted his head. “Theresa’s, of course.”

“I don’t care whose organs you harvested.” Stephanie said, her eyes rolling back into her head. “This is delicious.”

You and Hannibal shared a glance and a smile.

You and your roommates devoured the Riñones al Jerez, then dug into the next serving of heart stewed with chickpeas and olives. You finished off the evening with natillas de leche and a bottle of Sauternes Hannibal just happened to have lying around.

“This is the first time since like, Keith Raniere got sentenced that I’ve seen [F/N] happy-drunk.” Stephanie observed.

“Or even just... happy." Pilar said, looking at Hannibal. "I'll have some of whatever she's having, please."

"My pleasure." Hannibal poured her another glass of wine.

Your phone began to buzz on the table, capturing the attention of your guests. You didn't even need to look at the caller ID to know who it was. Nobody else in the world had such horrid timing.

"Shit, you've got to answer it here!" Stephanie pleaded. "So we can all give her a piece of our mind!"

You looked over to Hannibal, who you knew was just as curious.

You dragged the answer icon across the screen and put it on speaker. You gestured for your friends to be quiet. "Yeah?"

"Well look who finally decided to pick up." Grandma said. "Thank you for gracing me with your attention. I know you have so much going on right now, you're just too busy to pick up the phone and talk to your grieving grandmother."

"For your information..." you stumbled over your words. "I was interrogated by the police yesterday. I think that counts as having something going on."

"Are you drunk?" Her voice was laced with a disproportionate level of disgust.

"I'm grieving too, Beatrice." You counter. "What, suddenly you're the only one who can drink the pain away? That's not very democratic of you."

"In your state, you shouldn't even be thinking of alcohol!" Grandma scolded. "You of all people should know the effects alcohol has on an unborn baby."

You smacked yourself on the head. Of course Theresa would plant a seed to fuck you over one last time. "Did Theresa actually tell you I was pregnant?"

"It was her last message to me, actually. Anyway, you're coming home." Grandma said, without so much as waiting for a response. "I won't have my great grandchild living in that dangerous city that your cousin was killed in."

You exchanged looks with your friends, who were going through the same combination of emotions as you were. Grandma's words just seemed to fade out as you shared an entire nonverbal conversation with the people around you.

"And you're leaving that terrible, terrible man."

Hannibal raised an eyebrow and looked at you, waiting to see how you'd respond. You knew what you had to do. It was finally time. You did something you should have done a long time ago.

"No." You said, your nerves loosened by the wine.

"What?"

"No. And I mean it." A big smile crossed your lips. "Theresa lied to you. I'm not pregnant. And you have to live with the fact that your granddaughter's last words to you were a blatant lie."

Hannibal looked at you with pride and your friends began to silently gas you up with encouraging gestures. "

"...And that you're the only one to blame for her deception." You continued. "You raised her in your own image."

"This is why I refuse to let you raise my great grandchild with that man!" She wailed. "He's twisted your mind against me! He's made you cruel!"

"Hannibal made me see clearly that you made me cruel." You said with absolute certainty. "You'll never see me again."

"Don't be like your mother, [F/N]." Grandma snarled. "Don't cut people out for trying to help."

"You'll never see me again." You repeated and decided to leave it at that. You ended the call and blocked the number, joined by an eruption of excitement from your friends.

It was finally over. Your life could truly begin.

#hannibal nbc #hannibal x reader #hannibal lecter #hannibal x you #cult girl

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aperrywilliams · 4 years

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Something to Say (Spencer Reid)

(Not my gif!)

Masterlist

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Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Main characters: Spencer Reid, Fem!Reader, Diana Reid.

Summary: Spencer and Reader has to deal with bad news and they support each other in the process.

Word Count: 7476.

Warnings: Contains mentions to illnesses, death and grief. Angst the most part, but some of relieve in the end.

A/N: Hello again lovely people. I wanted to write this fic a time ago, wasn't easy, but hope you appreciate it. Again, all the love to my beta @imagining-in-the-margins . Please, impressions, comments and any reaction for this one are welcomed. Thanks for reading. Thanks to @emilouu for suggesting the nickname for Reid’s daughter.

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That Thursday I was finishing my shower when (Y/N) came into the bathroom. The water was running but I could hear when she opened the door and said my name, trying to get my attention. I closed the faucet and peeked out the curtain.

“The Day Care Center called. There are problems with the water supply and they aren’t going to receive children today. We have to decide what we are going to do. We could take her to my parents' house, but it's still early.” (Y/N) told me with concern.

"Oh. This is… unexpected.” I replied, grabbing a towel and coming out of the receptacle to dry myself. "Wait, isn't today the presentation you have with Prentiss about the BAU on the FBI’s Board?"

“Yes, it’s today at 9:00, exactly. But perhaps Prentiss could go with JJ…” said (Y/N) pondering the options.

"No way. You've prepared yourself a whole week for that. Don't worry, I'll stay with Emi. If a case comes up, I don't think it'll be a problem. I can assist from here.”

"Spencer, are you sure? I don’t want…"

"Of course. Don't worry, I'm staying with Emi today. I’ll come up with some activities to keep her busy.” I said with a smile.

"You’re an angel and I love you, you know that, right?"

"Yep. I know. I love you too". (Y/N) came up and gave me a quick kiss on the lips.

"I'm going to make breakfast while you get dressed and I’m going to wake up our Sleeping Beauty."

Our little Emily Diana was already 3 years old. It felt like it was only yesterday when I took her in my arms for the first time. Now she was a smart and... very active little girl. In my opinion, a good combination between (Y/N) and me. And while my staying with her that day was unplanned, in my head I managed to organize a short list of things we could do together.

I dressed her after breakfast and a bath, and later we concentrated on solving some animal puzzles that JJ had given Emi for her birthday. Then we took a coloring book and reviewed some letters and numbers. Of course, my daughter already knew all of them and named them without any problems. We had a mid-morning snack and then played, running around the apartment. It was certainly her favorite activity with me - in addition to the stories I read to her before bed. I'm sure I got ridiculous enough running and running away from a 3- year-old girl, but I didn't care.

The next activity was the 'tickle war'. I was lying on the couch and she was struggling against my tickling attack when my cell phone rang. I looked at the clock on the wall and it was close to 12:30. I was sure that it was (Y/N) to remind me Emi should have lunch at 1:00 p.m, so when I picked up the phone, I didn't even notice the caller ID.

"Reid ..." I replied, laughing even in my role as the 'ticklish monster'.

"Dr. Reid. Good afternoon. Addy Moller speaking." I immediately recognized the voice and the name. She was my mom's caretaker in Brookfield.

"Addy, good afternoon. Tell me how I can help you… did something happen with my mom?” My laugh passed and turned into concern.

"I'm sorry but I must say yes. Diana suffered a physical decompensation earlier today and we transferred her to the hospital. She is being monitored and tested, but at the moment everything is quite uncertain. That's why I’m calling you; I think it would be good if you could come…”. I could hear a certain caution in her voice.

"Which hospital?" I was quick to ask.

It was becoming common that my mom suffered decompensations in her physical health, but this was the first time that led her to the hospital and made them call me with that kind of urgency. I felt something in my stomach made me uncomfortable. I had the phone in my hand and was sitting on the edge of the couch. Emi stood on the sofa and clutched at my neck as if she suspected something was wrong.

"Daddy?" she asked as she tried to climb onto my back.

"I’m sorry pumpkin. Daddy was distracted by the phone. We’ll need to stop playing for now. Daddy will make you lunch while he calls mommy, okay?” She nodded. While I handed her one of his books so she could continue coloring, I dialed (Y/N), who quickly answered.

"Baby, hello! So good you called me. I was just going to call you back to remind you Emi’s lunch…” She stopped talking when she heard a sigh on the other side of the line. "Spencer...? Is something wrong?"

"My mom... is in the hospital. They just called me… and they need me to go there… now.” My voice should hardly have been heard on the other side of the phone.

"Oh, baby. Calm down. I'm coming right now”.

***

After a short brief to the team, I ran out to the parking lot. I got in the car and drove as fast as possible without being reckless. Upon arriving at the apartment, Spencer was finishing feeding Emi. Dropping my purse and jacket to the floor, I immediately went to hug him. I could see his eyes were filled with worry and stress. His body tense and his brain somewhere else. He hugged me back, holding me tight.

"I'm here. Tell me, do you want us to go with you? If you don't want Emi to go, we can leave her with my parents. I called them on the way here and they said she can stay with them.” A stifled sob on my shoulder came first before he could speak again.

"I don’t know..."

I knew that his brain was fighting beyond logic. We finally decided Emily would stay with my parents.

The trip started quietly. I could see Spencer staring out the window, phone in hand, as if he was expecting it to ring at any moment. Occasionally I took his hand, and he squeezed it hard before releasing it. Reid, being cautious as always, didn’t want to distract my driving, but his silence was killing me, knowing his brain was working at 1000%.

"Spencer, talk to me. Tell me what's going on in that head of yours. Please, don't leave me out now.” I felt like he was having a hard time swallowing. After another silent moment, he began to speak.

“It's just I always thought I was ready for this moment. But I realized I’m not”. His voice was still, but I could feel the fear in him.

"Baby, you are anticipating an outcome that we don't know will even happen." I said, trying to get him off the ledge in his head.

"Rationally I know there are possibilities. But something beyond the rational tells me exactly what is going to happen, (Y/N), and I'm not ready to let her go.” I could feel how he was trying to hold back the tears.

"I know. But if there is any hope, I think it's only fair that we can hold on to it. Can you do that?”

He nodded and returned his gaze to the window.

***

We got to the hospital and I immediately asked for my mom at the reception desk. I was referred to the 4th floor of Intensive Care, where they told me the treating doctor would explain the details. I took (Y/N)'s hand and went to the elevator. At Intensive Care they told us to wait a few minutes for the doctor to come out to see a patient. There I saw Addy in the waiting room. When she saw me, she came closer.

"Dr. Reid. It’s good you were able to come so fast”. That was her perception. Mine, on the contrary, was that I could never get there fast enough.

"How is she? What are the doctors saying?” I hastened to ask.

"Diana has been dealing with kidney problems for a long time, as you know..." She said trying to contextualize the situation.

"That's correct, I know. That’s the reason we agreed to limit medication last time."

"Indeed. But prolonged exposure throughout her life brings consequences sooner or later. Until now they were manageable, but her body is not working properly anymore. That’s why the doctors want to evaluate possible alternative treatments. But that could also alter her mental state more.”

I was silent. My mother was fighting a battle between her body and her mind now, and nothing I could do or say could help her. "We should wait for the doctor then..." I said, trying to buy time to think and assimilate what I was hearing. Addy nodded. I sat next to (Y/N) to wait. She took my hand, squeezing it every now and then to let me know she was there with me.

My mind took me to the last time that I was in a hospital waiting for news. It was when (Y/N) gave birth to Emily. Although her pregnancy had been relatively uneventful, she had to undergo an emergency c-section. I was nervous, thinking about all the odds associated with the possible outcomes. I thought that my life was about to change dramatically, and I was scared. Although JJ and Prentiss were with me, trying to calm me down, I just couldn't. I remembered my phone ringing at the time. When I saw Addy's name on the identifier, I panicked, thinking something had happened to my mom. Fear that cleared when I heard her voice.

"Mom…?”

"Spencer, honey, I know you're nervous. Your voice gives you away. I also know that my granddaughter is about to be born and you’re surely thinking of all those things that could go wrong. Just stop doing that."

"How do you know (Y/N) is giving birth ...?"

"I just know. I can feel your fear from here... and all the things that are going through your head right now."

"Mom, I don't know how to react. I'm scared, I don't know if I can do it…”

"Honey, I know that. But you need you to focus on the life that is about to see the light. Just let it happen. Don’t overthink it. Feel it and live it.”

"I don't know how to turn off my brain..."

"You can't. But you can make your heart speak louder. Honey, your wife and daughter need you, and you need them. That is all that matters.”

"Dr. Reid?”

A voice saying my name and (Y/N)’s hand squeezing me tight pulled me out of my memory. When I raised my head, I saw the doctor in front of me.

"Doctor... how is my mom?" I asked.

“We have done several tests on Diana and some results are already available. We did a few more tests to be sure. I'm so sorry to have to give you this news Dr. Reid, but Diana is not physically well. She is not reacting to the medication and internal damage will start causing her more problems within the next few hours. We can keep her sedated for as long as necessary, but her condition is unlikely to improve. It is only a matter of hours that her body stops reacting. I'm truly sorry…”

Basically, she was telling me that my mom was dying and I couldn't do anything about it. I felt dizzy. I had a hard time swallowing. I started breathing heavily. I could feel (Y/N) hugging me around my torso and resting her head on my back. It was really happening. Addy, seeing my dismay and my inability to react, began to speak to the doctor.

"Is she conscious? Can we see her?" Addy asked.

“She is sedated for now, but she’ll wake up in a little while. If you want you can be with her in the room.” Replied the doctor.

"Dr. Reid. You should be there…” Addy told me, trying to get me out of my trance.

"Baby. Addy is right. You have to go see her.” Said (Y/N). I couldn't manage to do or say anything; I just nodded, looking for the most coherent words to say.

"Thanks doctor. I'll go. Can I … can I have a moment before?” The doctor and Addy nodded and walked away. I sat on one of the benches with my head buried between my legs and my arms covering my head. (Y/N) hugged me and squeezed tight.

***

It broke my heart to see him shattered like that. I also felt guilty for giving him hope during the trip to the hospital. In 60 minutes everything had turned 180 degrees, and I watched Spencer sink deeper and deeper into anguish and sadness. I would have given anything to not see him like that. I knew there were no words of comfort to ease the powerlessness and pain of that moment, but I needed to let him know that he was not alone; that whatever happened, I was with him, and we could share this burden together.

“Spence. My love, I'm so sorry. I know I have no right to ask you for anything right now, but your mom needs you now. I’ll be with you at all times, for whatever. You know you can count on me…"

"I'm not ready..." He managed to say between sobs.

“Baby, I don’t think we’ll ever be ready for this. But look at me." I tried to pull away the arms that covered his head. "I’m with you. Please, you don't have to carry this alone. Let me be your support, please.” That was how I felt him wrap his arms around my neck and sink his face into my shoulder, crying heartily.

After a few minutes I felt his breathing begin to slowly calm down and the sobs changed to sighs. He raised his head and stared at me with a nod. "Let's go see her". He took my hand and we walked down the hall looking for her room. The reception nurse told us it was 418. We stopped in front of the glass door. From there, Diana could be seen with her eyes closed, connected to machines that monitored her vital signs, as well as her intravenous line in one of her arms.

"Do you want to be alone with her? I can stay here until you tell me." He nodded and kissed me on the forehead, entering the room. I took my phone out of my pocket. Although I still had a lump in my throat, I had to notify the team. They had to know what was going to happen.

***

I approached slowly and saw how her breathing synchronized with the sound of the machines that she was connected to. She was still sedated. I took one of the chairs in the corner of the room and pulled it over to the side of the bed. I sat up and took one of her hands, squeezing it gently. She looked so peaceful. If it weren't for the noise from the machines, I could even imagine that it was a normal day in the sanatorium, and that I was just watching her nap. I didn't know if she could hear me, but I started talking to her, anyway.

"Hi Mom. It's me, Spencer. I came as fast as I could. (Y/N) is here too. She didn't let me drive this far. You know how she is; she worries a lot when she sees me nervous. Yes, I’m nervous. I'm... I'm sad. You know I don't like to see you like this…” Clearly, I received no response. "I’ll be here until you wake up. Don’t worry. Just... rest. We can talk when you wake up... "

A frustrated sigh left my body. Everything seemed so futile to me at the time. Surreal. I looked towards the door and saw (Y/N) on the phone, scratching her forehead and then rubbing her neck. Signs of concern. I couldn't have wished for a better partner in this life; despite all the things we’d faced in our relationship, both before and after we were married, not a day went by that I wasn’t grateful to have her by my side. I remembered when I told my mom. Sure, I had already told her about (Y/N) in my letters, but it wasn't until that moment that I realized what I felt for her was true love.

"You really love her, don’t you? In your letters you always talk about her like a teenager in love.”

"I don’t know. To love I think is... a big thing. But yes, I think so. I love her. It's been like this for a while now…”

"And why didn't you tell her yet?"

"I don’t know. What if she doesn't feel the same way?”

“Honey, of course she won't feel the same. We are talking about another human being. But doesn't mean she can't love you. I think we have talked about this several times. I know you fear rejection and your father is responsible for that. We have not made your life easy, Spencer, but that doesn't mean you should run away from the possibility of being happy.”

"Should I tell her?"

"Certainly, yes. Tell her. Be honest with what you feel and what you want. I’m sure she’ll appreciate it. Honey, life is long and hard. And you deserve to have someone you can share that with. All of it. The good and bad."

It was after that talk that I confessed my love to (Y/N). To my surprise, she laughed, saying that she felt the same way about me for a long time. Thus, we began our relationship. Apparently, I just needed a little "push." The memory made me smile. My mom always had wise words for me. In her way of seeing life, she has helped me build mine; with the good and the bad.

When I got married to (Y/N), we managed to get my mom to be at the ceremony. I couldn't even conceive of the fact she couldn't be there. Although it did mean postponing the date a few times. Logistically it wasn’t a big deal either, we never wanted to have a great ceremony or many guests. Her family and mine, which included my mom and the entire BAU, of course. When the ceremony was over, she approached me to speak to me. Surely my smile and happiness reached to heaven.

“I’m so happy to see you like this. I think it's been years since I've seen you smile like that. Not even when you were little kid. I want you to know that I’m proud of you, of what you have achieved and of the man you have become. Today you have a new mission in your life: to make that woman as happy as she makes you feel now."

"Thanks Mom. Thanks for being with me right now. I really needed you here."

"I know darling. I'm just sorry the fact because of me you had to postpone the date so many times."

"Don´t. Don’t say that. (Y/N) also agreed that and there was no problem with that.”

"Just make her happy, Spencer. Because I already know she makes you happy. Just don't take anything for granted. Build your love day by day. Don't let the routine end up killing the love you feel for each other.”

And of course there was a lot of sense in her words. Four years had passed since our wedding, and it has not been easy. Having a relationship with our jobs was not a piece of cake. Nurturing our relationship was also part of the day to day. We had our ups and downs, but every time some obstacle came between us, I remembered those words and repeated to myself what really matters.

Deep in that memory, I didn't see when (Y/N) entered the room. I only realized her arms go around my neck as she kissed me on the head.

"Do you want me to bring you something? A coffee?" She whispered to me. I shook my head and clung to her arms.

"Stay with me for a moment, please."

She gave me another kiss on the head as a way of agreeing to my request. "Of course, as long as you need to."

We were silent for a while. She knew tears were running down my cheeks, but she didn't want to stop them, so she just hugged me tight. I'm sure tears ran down her cheeks, too. For me, for her, for both of us. We were in this together. I couldn't help but break the silence by verbalizing my thoughts.

"What if she doesn't recognize me? If I don't have the chance to say goodbye to her?" I felt my own voice break.

"Don’t think that. You are her son. Although her mind may not recognize you, surely her heart does. She has told you many times.” Said (Y/N) trying to comfort me.

It was true. On her good days and her bad days, I'd never stopped thinking about it. The last time she was lucid, a few months ago, she repeated it to me again.

"I just want to thank you for being my son. For being with me even if I'm not with you most of the time. Although my mind can't even remember your name or your face, know that in my heart, I’ll always love you as I have never loved anyone else in this world.”

"You don't have to thank me... I'm the one who is grateful to be your son."

“I know. It's just that I wish I could tell her so many things now." Although at that minute, I didn't know exactly what, but I did know that I needed to tell her things.

"Will you be able to do it? Of course you can do it.” replied (Y/N), trying to encourage me as she sat on my lap and stroked my hair, still hugging me.

We were like that for a long time; silent. This time I had neither the strength nor the interest in looking at the clock, but at one point I saw my mom's face contort, a sign the sedation was wearing off.

When I saw her open her eyes, I was afraid. On the one hand, I was relieved to see her awake again, but I was afraid that she wouldn't recognize me, and it would be the same as if she were sleeping... or worse.

"Spencer?" Hearing her voice, even if it was almost in a whisper, was a relief. (Y/N) and I immediately got up from the chair.

"Mom, I'm here." I moved closer so she could have a better view of my face.

"Sweetie. I’m sorry I scared you. I don't know why Addy called you; I feel good now."

Damn it. Hearing that broke my heart. Was she deliberately lying to me? Did she really believe it? How could I tell her something? I looked at (Y/N) with pleading eyes. I didn't know what to say. She just stroked my back as she whispered in my ear.

"Give her time. Just stay with her. I’ll go to inform the doctors she is awake.” She kissed me on the forehead and left the room. I knew it was a moment that I had to have alone with her.

***

I left the room towards the nurse's desk to report that Diana had woken up so they could contact the doctor. I didn't want to go back to the room. I knew I had to give them space and let them be alone. Despite all his fears and apprehensions, I knew Spencer would do and say the right things.

I went to one of the coffee machines and by inertia, I placed a few coins to extract perhaps the worst coffee I’d ever had in my life. But that didn't matter; at least having the feeling of doing something kept my head busy. With the cup of coffee in my hand, I sat for a few minutes on one of the benches in the waiting room.

With my eyes fixed on the dark liquid, I remembered the time I told Spencer I was pregnant. He was ecstatic. We hadn’t been consciously planning to have children, but we certainly both wanted it. The first things he said to me after "I love you" was "no more coffee," followed by "we have to tell my mom."

After our appointment with the doctor and knowing that things were going well with the pregnancy, we went to the sanitarium to see Diana. The first time we were not very lucky. She was on one of her bad days. Thankfully, she was able to recognize Spencer at the end of the visit. He was frustrated and sad, but I told him we had a lot more time to tell her and to that we could try another day. So we did; that second time we had better luck. She was much more lucid than the previous times.

“So it is true that you’ll give me a grandson or granddaughter. You haven't wasted your time…” She said, laughing.

"Mom, please." Spencer was still embarrassed by those kinds of comments.

"Spencer, no 'mom, please.' I just want to tell you both one thing: I know you’ll love that son or daughter with all your heart, but you’ll have to learn so many things! And I don't mean just learning how to change diapers or how to make a bottle – I mean how to live and let live another person who came out of your own womb, who may be the exact reflection of yourself. I think it is one of the most difficult things for a mother or father to experience. I tell you from my own experience…”

Being that Emily was still little, I didn't know if I could understand those words at their best yet, but not a day went by that I didn't remember them. Instinctively, I brought my free hand to my belly. Surely we would not only live this process with Emily. A couple of days ago I found out I was pregnant again, but I hadn't told Spencer yet. It was very recent, and I wanted to go to my first appointment before I told him. Well, there will be time for that later, I thought.

"(Y/N)?" JJ's voice brought me out of my thoughts. When I raised my head, the entire BAU team was in my view. There I realized that I hadn’t even taken a sip of the coffee in my hand, and the smell was starting to bother me.

"Where's Reid?" Prentiss asked.

"He is with his mom now." I said, pointing to the hall where the room was. “She woke up very recently. She was sedated." Everyone gave me an empathetic look. I got up from the bench so that I could talk to them.

"How is Reid?" Rossi asked.

“Shattered. Powerless. Frustrated… I don't know what else could I say…” I shrugged and dumped the coffee in the trash can.

"And you? How are you doing?" Tara asked.

I could only scratch the base of my neck in despair. "I don’t know. I wish I could do much more... but I can only be there for him. There isn't anything else I can do.” I had not wanted to cry openly in all those hours because I was supposed to be my husband's support, but the situation was overwhelming me. In that moment, I released everything. Prentiss hugged me tight to comfort me.

"That is why we are all here, for whatever you need. We will stay here as long as necessary,” said Penelope.

"Thank you, guys. I know Spencer will appreciate it as much as I do," I said between disguised sobs on Emily's shoulder.

***

I took a deep breath and looked at my mom with a warm smile before continuing to speak.

"It’s okay, Mom. I wanted to see you anyway… that's why I'm here.” I tried to say something non-specific while finding out where we were.

"But look at this mess! These machines, these tubes… they should take all of this away from me,” she said in a frustrated tone.

"Mom... they can't. The doctors say they are necessary to monitor how you are doing and give you your medicine.” I tried to reason with her.

"The 'doctors,'" she murmured sarcastically. “Spencer, could it never be on my terms? Not even my own death?” She said, almost in a plea.

There I heard it; the proof that she knew. She was fully aware of what was going on. Would I to lie to her? I couldn't think of anything else to do.

"It’s necessary, so that you can recover."

Yes, I lied, trying to omit what had just come out of her mouth. It seemed the easiest thing to say. She looked at me with those eyes that rebuke you for lying. I felt like a child again.

“Honey… don't do that. We both know I’m not leaving here unless I’m in a coffin.”

Why did she have to be so rude while saying it? She said it as if it were the most natural and obvious outcome. Didn't she know it hurt me? Didn't it hurt her to say it?

"Mom, please... don't say that." I replied in protest.

"Do you want me to lie to you? I never liked lying to you, Spencer. You know that." Although her voice was soft, given her state and the narcotics traveling through her body, she denoted the same determination of her habitual character.

And yes; Diana Reid had never lied to me in her life, and she wasn’t going to start on her deathbed. Her ‘deathbed’. The thought of it made me finally collapse in front of her. I could see tears in her eyes too.

"Honey, look at me. I know this is difficult. Not that I have experienced it before, but we both knew this moment would come.”. I took her hand and squeezed it hard so that she knew I was listening, but I didn't want to open my eyes.

"It’s… just ... I'm not ready." My words were barely more than whispers.

"Me neither... but here we are." She squeezed my hand, and I finally opened my eyes. She had a wistful smile drawn on her face. “Sometimes we just have to let things happen. And don't think I 'm despising my life. Especially my life after having you. I have always told you that… that you are the best thing that could have happened to me in life. It would never be otherwise."

At that moment, the doctor in charge entered with some nurses. They checked the machines and brought a folder with papers that I assumed were my mom's medical records.

"Diana, how do you feel?" Asked the doctor.

"I've been better. Although at least I can recognize my son; I guess that puts me on one of my good days.” The sarcasm – my favorite inheritance. The doctor looked at me as if wanting to move away from her to talk to me.

"Mom, I'll be back in a minute, okay?"

"No. Whatever you have to discuss, do it here, in front of me. I don't want anything hidden from me. And if possible, I wish I could make decisions for myself too. After all, it is me who is dying.” Her tone was serious, but her voice trembled. A deep sigh ripped from my body. Yes, I owed her. It had to be on her terms. I looked at the doctor and nodded. She understood and began to speak.

"Well. Dr. Reid, Diana. Final examinations confirm the diagnosis of failure we had detected earlier. In the last hours we have tried 3 different routes of treatment to see if we can control the damage, but… none have worked. Sedation has helped with the pain, but it’ll start to get more intense in the next few hours. We have two options. We can maintain high levels of narcotics that will lessen the pain but keep you sedated, or we can work at lower levels, but that will bring more discomfort... but you will be conscious."

Before I could say anything, my mom stepped in. "How many hours?" Asked my mom looking at the ceiling.

"It is difficult to know exactly, but our estimate is between 4 and 6 hours." The doctor tried to explain.

"I want the second option," my mom said without even grimacing. I looked at her immediately.

"But mom, that means you will feel pain and be uncomfortable..."

She cut me off immediately. "Spencer, please, I'd rather take advantage of every hour I have left with you than be some kind of Sleeping Beauty."

"Do you agree, Dr. Reid?" The doctor asked me. I couldn’t disagree; she wanted it. I nodded.

“Well, we’ll prepare everything for dosing and monitoring of your condition. Any changes you experience and needs that appears along the way; we can make adjustments for."

"Thank you." My mom and I said at the same time. The doctor nodded empathetically and left the room.

"Spencer, I know what you are thinking now, but I thank you for letting me make this decision.”

"I know, mom. I know." I leaned down and kissed her on the forehead.

"Well. I want to know. How is my granddaughter? How are things going with (Y/N)? Is she here? Tell me as if you were writing one of your letters. I love your letters, you know that".

I sat in the chair next to her and, without releasing her hand, I began to summarize the past few weeks just as if I were writing her a letter, with all the details I knew she wanted to know.

***

The waiting room was silent. With what little I had eaten, I began to feel sick. I had to go to the bathroom. The morning sickness had started, and in addition to the stress, it seemed to get worse. My cell phone vibrated. It was a message from Spencer: He wanted me to come to the room. I got out of the bathroom and informed the guys I had to go back. They nodded and said they would stay there and wait for news.

When I stepped inside, I saw Diana awake and with a smile on her face. Spencer saw me and got up from his chair.

"Mom, I told you that (Y/N) was here." He took me by the waist to bring me closer to where she was.

"Hello my dear. I'm sorry you have to see me this way. I hope you don't mind,” said Diana, as if it were a very normal day.

“Diana, there is nothing to apologize for. How are you feeling?”

"I think so far they have been quite balanced with the doses." She said, pointing to her intravenous line. I gave her an empathetic smile. She stared at me like she was analyzing me. That was not unusual for her, but given the circumstances I didn't think she would do it.

"How are you? How have you been feeling lately?" She asked me. I looked at Spencer, confused. I thought maybe he had said something to her about being stressed from work or my isolated headaches. He looked back at me just as confused.

"Fine. Well, there is plenty of work at BAU. And Emily is also quite amount of work.” I said, laughing. She gently nodded.

"And you’ll have more work with the new one." She said nonchalantly upon seeing my belly. I froze, immediately feeling Spencer's eyes on me. I don't know what Diana saw, but she knew immediately.

"Are you…?" Spencer asked to me.

"Honey, it's obvious. Apparently you are not paying too much attention.” Diana said. I just nodded before she looked at me again, “Darling, I'm sorry I ruined the surprise, but I'm glad to know that your family is going to grow, even though I won't be there to see it.” She spoke with a sigh.

At that time the nurses came back in to check on Diana's condition. They asked us to leave the room for a moment. In the hallway, Spencer looked at me with puzzled eyes.

"Baby, I didn't want to tell you because it's so recent. I only took the tests a few days ago. I have an appointment with the doctor next week. I’m sorry.” I tried to apologize.

"It's okay. I’m not reproaching you for anything. Come here." He pulled me with one of his hands and hugged me tight. "Sorry that I can't be more animated, but it really seems like fantastic news to me."

"You don’t have to apologize. It's not the right time now either, I know.”

"As you can see, my mom always has other plans." He said muffling his voice in my hair.

"How she is doing?" I took advantage of asking to him. He related what was coming. He looked much calmer than at the beginning of the day. Resigned? Perhaps.

Although the passing of the hours meant a painful countdown, Spencer managed to share with Diana the most intimate of her mother-son relationship. I must say I always admired the way they cared about each other. Spencer trying to be the protective son while Diana, in her role as mother, always looked to teach him new things; advise him, support him, even if they didn’t see each other on a daily basis. The kind of bond that many families, no matter how much time they spend together, never achieve.

The last medical check-up showed Diana was declining, and that pain was not so subtle without the medication. The doctor again offered the option of sedation, which Diana refused.

***

I could see her face more uncomfortable than in the prior hours. You could tell she was breathing harder and her eyes were heavier. She insisted on being conscious as far as her body would allow. I never abandoned her side. Neither of us could speak. She didn’t because it was more physically difficult; I didn’t because I felt a lump in my throat from the powerlessness of seeing her in pain. We were silent. It was early morning, but the first ray of daylight hadn’t yet appeared. She opened her eyes and looked at me.

"Honey, what are you thinking...?” She asked softly.

"That I don’t like to see you in pain..."

She could barely smile. "I don't care about pain. I’m happy that you are with me. That is enough for me.” She said, closing her eyes and giving a deep sigh. You could tell it was more effort than she was willing to admit.

"Mom... I..." I wanted to be honest with her, but it was hard for me to get out of my 'I'm fine' role.

"Just say it, Spencer. Don't keep it. Especially not now…” She said in an almost inaudible voice.

"Mom, I'm scared. I’m afraid to let you go, and it's not just because I love you, it's because I don't know who I am in this world if I'm not your son. If I'm not here to protect you." I started crying again.

"Spencer... that's a role you've had for a long time." She told me in a whisper.

"It’s what I am..."

"No. You, my dear son, you are more than that. What we are in the world... can change. It's part of life. You have to move forward. You have to keep going. Do it for me, for you, for your family… Please.”

"How do I do that...?" I asked almost rhetorically.

"Just do it. You've been a wonder boy for many years. You are an adult now. A loving husband, an exceptional father… Just keep going.”

"I promise I’ll try. I swear, I’ll try… ” I said, squeezing her hand.

"I know. And I know you’ll succeed. Because you are my son, and I know you and I love you.”

Those were her last words.

The next few minutes were silent. All I could do was take her hand to try and comfort her through the pain. When the grip of her hand became languid, I realized she had passed away. The constant, deafening sound of the machines was only a confirmation of what I already knew.

A sob tore from my throat. Within a second the room filled with doctors and nurses. I couldn't let go of her hand. I didn’t dare; I couldn’t. (Y/N) took my arm, helping me to release my mom's hand. Helping me let her go.

“Spencer. We have to get out of the room. Come on love, let's go.” Nodding, I followed her into the hall. (Y/N) started talking to me to get me out of my shock. "It's okay. Everything will be fine. She is fine now. She is no longer suffering. You could be with her to the end. You let her go on her terms. I’m proud of what you did, Spencer, and I'm sure that she is even more proud.” I managed to hug her and sank my head into her shoulder.

***

"I'm going to miss her so much..." He told me as I gently stroked his head, trying to calm him down.

"I know, baby. I know. But you’re not alone; we’re not alone. We are together in this. We’ll get through it, I promise."

Those were the only words that came out of my mouth. I knew the pain was not going to go away quickly. I knew this would be slow, but I was willing to do whatever it took to help him. I sincerely hoped that he knew that.

We held each other for a while. Then it was him who broke the embrace, looking me in the eyes and resting his hands on my shoulders to make sure I was paying attention to him.

“I couldn't be luckier to have you by my side. And if I have to repeat it every day of my life, I’ll do it, because I don't want to take anything for granted between us. Thank you for being with me. I love you, (Y/N)”. His words were accompanied by a warm little smile; a promise that things would be okay, eventually.

"Always. Never doubt that I love you, Spencer Reid. And I’ll be forever grateful to Diana for raising such a unique and wonderful person like you."

Before walking to the waiting room, I told him that the entire team was there. I didn't want to disturb him with a surprise at a time of such vulnerability. He nodded, taking my hand, and we continued toward the waiting room. Seeing them, he couldn't let the tears run down his cheeks. I released his hand so that he could receive everyone's affection. Another way to show him that he was not alone in this; that there were people who would always be there for him.

***

I never expected to see so many people on the day of her funeral. In addition to my current BAU team, Derek, Aaron, Alex, and Kate were there, along with some of my mom's ex-students, part of the Brookfield workers, and others I didn’t recognize. I received many hugs and words of reassurance.

It was time for my speech. I looked at (Y/N) and our little Emily, who could hardly understand what was happening. I cleared my throat and started to speak.

Of course, Diana Reid would not have liked it all to be sadness, so when I saw the audience laugh at some of the anecdotes I told, I felt that she was smiling at me from where she was now. It was my time for the last words.

“… she always had something to say… something to say to me. In her own way, she taught me to be the man I am now. I’ll forever be grateful for that. And if there is something I aspire to in my life, it is to be able to teach my daughter and my next child so many things, as my mother taught me. And I know that she is proud of me; she told me that many times. But I want to continue to honor that pride for the rest of my life. I want to continue being the worthy son that she deserves, even though her body is no longer here. Now I only have one more thing to say... something to tell you, mom. Thank you for letting me be your son. I love you."

——————–

#spencer reid #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x fem!reader #diana reid #spencer reid angst #criminal minds #dr. spencer reid

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clawsandblood · 3 years

Text

4 - “Do you trust me?”

link to ao3

first part on tumblr previous part on tumblr

Once both men were awake enough, Borna told Steven of his strange encounter last night. Steven’s face grew more and more alarmed as the story progressed.

“You won’t believe this,” he slowly said, “but I also had a weird encounter last night and-” He stopped. “There was this woman, looking kinda how you said yours was looking, and in the end she gave me a huge tip, saying that both me and my friend could use some money.”

“How huge?” Borna asked, brows furrowing.

Steven stood up, walked over to his jacket and dug out his wallet. “This big,” he said, showing Borna the hundred dollar bill.

“Fuck,” Borna swore under his breath. He took his phone, frantically going through his browsing history until he found a picture of Madam Reid. “Is that her?” he asked Steven, showing him the screen.

“Yeah,” he said hoarsely.

They exchanged looks. “How the fuck did she know we know each other?” Borna asked.

“Oh, shit.” Steven was staring at Borna. “You’ve already got a job interview with her company, right?”

Borna nodded. “Tomorrow. They were in an awful hurry.”

Steven collapsed on the couch. “What if they’re some sort of human trafficking ring?” he asked. “What if they’re with the mafia?”

“I think they won’t do anything after one interview,” Borna said. “Or I could just cancel.”

Steven nodded. “That would probably be the safest, yeah.”

Borna opened his phone, thumb hovering over the number that called him earlier in the morning. He sighed, putting the phone down. “But I’m curious,” he said. “Maybe one interview won’t be that bad.”

“Borna,” Steven pleaded.

“I can just decline afterwards.”

Their eyes were locked in a staring contest.

“If your kidney gets sold on the black market next week I won’t help you, I’ll just say that I told you so.”

Borna’s lips twitched into a smile. “Note taken.”

---

It took some digging through their shared wardrobes to find a presentable pair of trousers and a shirt for Borna to wear to the interview. Steven did have some semi-formal clothes, but Borna somehow felt like most of Steven’s patterned shirts were a touch too vulgar for the occasion.

“How do I look?” he asked, giving a little twirl.

Steven chewed on his lip. “Presentable,” he finally said.

Borna nodded. “I feel like a tuna fish in a can.”

“Meaning?”

“Stuffed, uncomfortable, about to be half-eaten, half-thrown away.”

“Having last minute jitters?” Steven smiled at Borna and clapped him on the back. “You’re gonna go there, snoop a bit during the interview, go home and tell them you’re actually going to Russia.”

Borna snorted. “Sounds good.”

They went to the building where the interview was going to take place together. It was a modern office building, fairly boring and unremarkable. The entrance had plaques of several different companies on the wall, Northwest Holistic Natural Remedies being among them.

“Well,” Steven said. “This is kinda anticlimactic.”

“What did you expect?” Borna asked him.

Steven shrugged. “Something more glamorous. Or completely rundown. I don’t know how human organ traffickers work.”

Borna elbowed him. “They’re not gonna sell my organs,” he grumbled.

“Yeah, yeah,” Steven mumbled. He gave Borna one last look-over, fixing his hair a bit. “You’ve got this,” he said and patted his shoulder. “Good luck.”

“Thanks.” Borna walked in, going to the reception desk.

Steven stood for a few moments, looking after his friend, and left. There was no need for him to keep loitering and there were groceries to be bought.

---

Borna found the office that the receptionist directed him to. The doors were slightly open and the plaque on them said “Northwest Holistic Natural Remedies - Madam Reid.” He tentatively knocked.

“Come in,” said a voice.

He entered, closing the doors behind himself. A different lady was sitting behind the desk, looking at him expectantly. There was a sign on her desk that read “Natalie Adams, secretary.” The walls were decorated with various pictures of nature, keeping a cohesive theme. It was terribly bland, yet tasteful.

“Madam is already waiting for you,” she said, gesturing to the doors to the side.

“Thank you,” he said and walked in.

Now that office was a lot different. The furniture was darker, sturdier. Decor was still revolving around nature, but this was darker, feeling more like antiques rather than mass-produced photos printed on canvases. Behind the desk sat Madam Reid, as sharp and poised as the night he met her.

“Hello, Borna,” she said. “Please sit down.”

Borna obeyed, drawing the heavy leather-padded chair. “Good morning,” he said.

Her pronunciation of his name was miles better than what he was used to, though her decision to use his first name rattled him. Maybe she just didn’t want to deal with pronouncing my surname, he thought, suppressing an amused huff.

“It’s two in the afternoon,” she pointed out.

He chuckled awkwardly. “Had another night shift,” he explained. “Those tend to mess with perception of time.”

She nodded. “Understandable.”

“I brought my resume with me in case-” he started, but got silenced by a hand gesture.

“I think both of us know that that’s not why you’re here now,” she said, fixing him with her stare.

“Then what is it?” he asked. He grew hotter in his shirt and dress pants.

She took his hand, unbuttoning the cuff and rolled up the sleeve until the bite mark was fully exposed. “When was it?” she asked, examining the scar. “Three days ago? Four?”

“Four,” he answered. “Are you also a…” He trailed off.

“A lycanthrope, yes.”

“Okay,” he said, still staring at where she was holding his arm.

She rolled the sleeve back up, buttoning it. “We need to keep together,” she said. “Lone wolves don’t survive for too long.”

“Meaning?”

“There’s an organisation that I’m a part of,” she explained. “It connects people like us all over the continent. We could help you out with things.”

His brows furrowed. “What things?”

Madam Reid gave him a look that he’d describe as sarcastic if she was literally anyone else. “Money.”

“I can get by,” he protested. “I’ve got a job, I can pay rent-”

“You work the graveyard shift at the carwash and have to live with a roommate,” Madam interrupted.

Borna swallowed. “How do you know about my roommate?” he asked quietly.

“I met him the same night as you.” She smiled, but it just looked like a beast baring its teeth. “He is a very friendly man. You two spend too much time together, you smell like each other.”

“We smell-?”

She nodded. “It should come to you soon,” she said soothingly. “You’ll get used to it.”

Borna nodded, staring at his own hands, trying to process all the given information.

“Borna?”

He looked up.

Madam Reid was looking at him, features soft and relaxed. For the first time she didn’t look like she was about to swallow him whole, though her eyes stayed the same. “Do you trust me?” she asked gently.

“I don’t know,” he replied softly. “I think you’ve been truthful, but I don’t think I should trust you just yet.”

She leaned back in her chair. “Smart,” she commented. “Not the smartest, but admirable approach.” She drummed her fingers on the table. “I’ve got a proposition,” she said, leaning forward again. “On Friday we’ve got a meeting. I’ll have Natalie email you details and you can come see how things work for yourself. How does that sound?”

He took a moment to consider her offer. “Okay,” he conceded. “Maybe I’ll come.”

“That’s all I ask for.”

He slowly started getting up.

“And Borna?”

He looked at her.

“I don’t think I need to tell you to come by yourself, right?”

He shook his head. “You don’t.”

“Good.” She also got up, offering him a hand. “Hopefully we’ll see each other soon,” she said.

He just nodded wordlessly.

“Goodbye,” she said and then he was already through the door. The secretary gave him a friendly smile and a goodbye of her own as he exited the office.

---

“How was it?” Steven asked him when he got outside.

Borna took a deep breath. “She’s also, uh-” he gestured at the bite mark on his arm. “She offered help. She knew we live together because we smell like each other.”

“Wait, what?” Steven was staring at him, nose wrinkled, and mouth falling open. “We smell like each other?”

“Yeah, I know.” Borna sighed. “She said I should be able to… detect these things soon too.”

“Ew.”

“Yeah.”

They stood in contemplative silence for a few moments.

“We should go home,” Borna said and Steven nodded. He had his arms occupied with bags from the grocery store and he handed over one to Borna, who automatically took it.

---

He was working the night shift again. Again, he couldn’t understand why would a carwash service need to be open at such unholy hours. Again, he was reminded that the wealthy, the weird and the criminals were also paying customers.

So far he had to deal with only a few people that seemed a bit too inebriated to be anywhere near car keys. He did have to watch himself physically way more than usual, but the drunk were usually quite generous tippers and that night didn’t prove any different.

He had a long period of nothing, where he almost nodded off several, but the noise from the neighbouring gas station managed to keep him up. Then, just a one hour before the end, a car drove in.

---

Dorian’s phone rang. He groaned, looking at the caller’s ID. Three poop emojis were displayed on the screen. He groaned again, louder, then finally accepted the call.

“Hi, Gary,” he said. For a few moments he was quiet, listening intently. “Fuck,” he finally said. “A feral one?”

He got up from the couch and turned off the TV, which was showing some shitty horror flick. He sandwiched the phone between his ear and his shoulder as he started pulling on his pants.

“Yeah, give me ten min, I’ll be there. Bye.”

He disconnected the call, putting the phone down. He dressed up, sturdy, warm, practical clothes, and left the flat, remembering at the last moment to take his phone and wallet.

He rushed downstairs and walked briskly to the main street. A car was already waiting for him.

“Move it,” Gary said, poking his head through the window.

“Yeah, yeah,” Dorian grumbled breathlessly. He sat down on the passenger’s side, fastening the seatbelt. The moment he was done the car peeled off the curb, making Dorian swear quietly, which in turn made Gary cackle.

The car sped through the streets, out of town to the forest road.

“Do you know where it’s supposed to be?” Dorian asked.

“Somewhere in the west,” Gary answered. “Near one farm, the owners complained about the cattle being killed.”

“Not regular wolves?”

Gary shook his head. “The tracks didn’t fit, plus there’s been rumors of Bigfoot in the woods.”

Dorian snorted. “Of course that’s what they say.”

Gary shrugged. “Not that far fetched in comparison to the truth,” he said.

Dorian sighed. “Fair point.” He started rifling through his pockets for the cigarettes. “Sometimes I still can’t believe this is my life.”

“Yeah,” Gary said absent-mindedly. Then he noticed the cigarette pack in Dorian’s hand. “Hey, fuck off with that,” he grumbled. “No smoking in my car.”

Dorian rolled his eyes. “So sensitive.”

Gary glanced at him with a poisonous look. “Don’t you dare,” he growled.

“I can open the window.”

Gary puffed out an angry breath. “You won’t you-” He pawed at Dorian, trying to take away his cigarettes, when something collided with the car loudly, making Gary swerve and brake.

“Fuck!”

They stopped abruptly and jumped out of the car. There was a dark figure lying on the side of the road, whining loudly.

Gary glared at Dorian, who awkwardly stuffed his hands into his pockets. They tentatively approached the lump. Coming closer, it was visible that it was a sort of a wolf, only larger and as much as the moonlight permitted to see, with a different coat colouring.

It started snarling as they approached.

“I think we found our feral wolf,” Dorian said quietly and squatted down, facing the creature. Gary stayed a bit behind him, standing.

“We got you pretty hard, didn’t we?” Dorian asked quietly.

The wolf growled in response.

“I know, I know,” Dorian said soothingly. He got up and started taking off his jacket.

Gary groaned. “I’ll get the stuff from the car,” he said and left.

Once Dorian stripped off all his clothes he squatted down, tilting his face towards moonlight and began to change. His body grew, transforming into a lupine form, growing thick fur all over.

He slowly walked over to the hurt wolf, sniffing softly. The wolf whiled quietly, but let him close. Dorian carefully nuzzled the other one and gave the bloodied fur a few careful licks. Finally, he settled, laying down next to the hurt wolf.

Gary sighed. He had thick gloves on and a gun in his hands. “Dorian,” he said disapprovingly.

Dorian looked at him and just gave the wolf another gentle lick.

Cocking the gun, Gary took aim and fired.

With one last whine, the wounded wolf died.

Dorian slowly got up, nudging the wolf with his head, giving it a few small, affectionate licks, before leaving it, walking over to Gary.

“You know I don’t like shooting when you’re right there,” Gary said.

Dorian in between transformed back to human, panting slightly from the effort.

“He was so scared,” Dorian said. “And hurting.”

“We did hit him with a car,” Gary pointed out.

Dorian shook his head. “It was something from before,” he said. “We should take a look at the body before we get rid of it.”

“I’m not hauling a huge wolf back to the city for you to play a doctor,” Gary said. He went back to the car, putting the gun away. “Come help me get the covering, I don’t want blood all over my car.”

Dorian sighed and finished dressing up. Gary had a waterproof tarp in his trunk and they used it to protect the interior of the car before they dragged the cadaver into it. They had to put it on the backseats, the trunk of the car being too small to fit a grown werewolf.

After some more driving they found a muddy road through the forest. Gary parked in the undergrowth and they spent the better part of the night digging a large and deep enough hole.

Dorian wiped sweat off his forehead. “We deserve a bonus for all this,” he groaned.

Gary glared at him. “Like you’re doing that much,” he grumbled.

They were hauling the body out of the car now, Dorian desperately trying to carry an equal share, but he was mostly getting covered in blood seeping from the plastic while Gary was supporting most of its weight.

“Not all of us spend all the time in the gym,” Dorian bit back.

They finally hauled it to the grave and rolled out of the tarp, pushing it in.

“You put the tarp in, I’ll take care of this,” Gary said and started pushing the dirt onto the dead werewolf. Dorian nodded and started folding the plastic, trying not to get blood everywhere.

They were finished soon, getting back in the car. Dorian had the bloody tarp resting in his lap, clothes almost equally as dirty.

“You look like you showered in blood,” Gary said after a while. They were still driving through the forest.

“I kinda did,” Dorian replied.

“My car must look like shit.”

Dorian shrugged. “It’s just some mud.”

Gary huffed. “And blood too.”

“It’s just some bloody mud.”

---

The car was covered in more or less fresh mud, with a bump in the front that looked suspiciously bloody. Borna approached the driver’s window, squinting at the bright headlights.

“Good evening,” he said automatically.

“Do you guys have anything extra for mud?” the driver said.

Borna barely heard him, because in the passenger’s seat was an unmistakable figure.

Fucking hell, why Dorian covered in blood?!

Alarm must had been written on his face, because the driver laughed awkwardly. “We hit a wolf,” he explained. “Hauling one of those beasts off the road is a nasty business.”

Dorian met Borna’s eyes and quickly looked away.

“I see,” Borna said. “I could clean the dirt manually but it would take longer and cost more.” He tried not to stare at Dorian, who was very stubbornly pretending not to see him.

“Eh, I’ll just take the basic automated wash,” the driver said.

Borna nodded. “Okay.” He directed the car where to go, turning on the wash cycle. The overwhelming smell of the detergent finally overlaid the stench of blood, but Dorian’s blood-soaked image still danced in front of his eyes. Once the car was clean the driver paid, leaving a small tip and left. The entire time Dorian pointedly avoided Borna’s eyes.

Once they were gone from the station, Borna took his phone out, opening the text messages.

“what the fuck was all that??” he typed out, sending the message to Dorian. He leaned back on the wall, waiting for the response and staring at the clock.

#whumptober2021 #no.4 #do you trust me?#OC #fic #animal death #blood #steven #borna #dorian #madam reid #writing

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lucisfavoritedemon · 3 years

Text

Almost There

Pairing: Tony Stark x C.I.A platonic!reader (Gender neutral)

Request: The reader is a real life federal agent, and is task to go into the mcu to bring tech out. The reader is given a teleporter, fake ID, money, and a pistol. The plan is to steal a truck full of Stark tech and be transported back. When the reader enters the MCU they wake up in an abandoned warehouse. They spent several months gathering information, practicing and discovering what'sx different inside the MCU. One day they put the plan into action everything goes to plan until the transporter is broken at the rendezvous point. (From the real world point) The reader is then captured by stark and interrogated about them not existing. The reader in the end stays quiet but before they're arrested the battle of N.Y happens and they escape wondering what to do.

Warnings: some cursing, cocky reader, being rude to Tony Stark (sorry to Tony lovers)

Word Count: 1663

A/N: This was requested by @iawaythrown. Thank you so much for the request. I hope you like it. I also tried to keep this as gender neutral as possible. I’m sorry if I did not. This is not Beta read, so all mistakes are mine.

Enjoy!

I had a mission. It was all planned out, all I had to do was follow instructions. Of course things here never seem to pan out the way you want, and of course I was seemingly suspicious. No wonder he caught me. No wonder I’m now trapped here.

Okay, I’m getting way ahead of myself. I’m not from this universe, reality, or whatever you want to call it. I’m from a world where this character was just that, a character! Now I’m here with no plan, no mission, no escape, and no Stark Tech.

Yes, you heard me right, I was after some Stark Tech, but here I am being interrogated by Tony Stark himself. Now, for how I got to this point, that’s easy. I’m a CIA Agent, and given the almost impossible task of gathering as much Stark Tech as I possibly could in a truck, and bringing it back to my world. Most likely to be used, or improved, to be given to the people in my time. You know, to speed up the process of technological advancement.

I never asked questions though, that wasn’t my place. All I know is that I had to come here with the transporter, gather as much Stark Tech, as discreetly as possible, and meet at the rendezvous point before anyone found out what I was doing.

Alright, enough of me summarizing what happened, and didn’t happen. Allow me to enlighten you a bit. I’ll spare you the details of the full mission brief, not very brief if you ask me, and get down to my adventures here in the MCU.

“You ready for this?” One of my coworkers asked, helping me prepare for my journey.

“I’m so excited. I have studied every single person I will be getting to know in this world. I spent hundreds of dollars, and did lots of bargaining to get every last copy of the comics for the 6 members of the Avengers. As well as all the Avengers comics.”

“You’ve worked hard for this mission. You seem more dedicated than usual.” They spoke, handing me my bag and wallet with fake ID and money.

We walked over to the transporter where everyone else was waiting. I was given one last bit of information on how to get out before I was told where to stand.

“Just a warning, you may feel a bit nauseous, or you might pass out on entry. Just find Stark and the others as soon as you can. We cannot waste any time.”

“Yes sir.” My commanding officer then starts up the transporter, and I’m sent away in a flash of white light.

When I awoke I was in a warehouse. I got up quickly, and walked outside. I had studied every map of New York City I could find. I knew how to get to Stark Tower from every possible place I could land. I started to make my way to the tower.

My disguise was his new secretary, and I honestly thought that was a genius idea. When I got to Stark Tower, I was greeted by the doorman asking me for my identification. I gladly obliged and he allowed me inside, showing me to Tony Stark’s office.

“You are my new secretary?” He asked, laying eyes on me. He didn’t seem too impressed with me, but that didn’t matter.

“I am. If you have a problem with that, then I will see myself out. Just so you know though, you won’t find anyone better than me.”

“I see your people skills are lacking, but your persuasiveness is impressive.” He smirked, and showed me around.

I was in! This was my chance to get as close to him as possible without him realising why I was actually there. Tony started with his part of the tower. He said that it would be mostly off limits unless I truly needed him.

The next part was my favorite. He was showing me where he came up with all his inventions, and that’s where I made my first grab. Of course he had to be something small that he would barely notice was gone, and a discarded prototype, which he showed me plenty.

This went on for about a month. I would always end up finding him in the lab, purposely of course. As he would leave, I would sneak a piece of tech. As time went on I gathered bigger and better tech and loaded them into a U-Haul truck that I rented to take back to my world.

I only hoped that no one had caught on to what I was doing, but I didn’t think so. The day finally came, and I had to tell Tony I had to part ways with him. He seemed to really enjoy the work I was doing for him, but I guess I would just have to live with that I guess.

“Hey there is my favorite secretary.” He grinned, chuckling some

“I’m currently your only secretary.” I said, not very amused.

His grin faded, and he cleared his throat, “anyway, I want to show you something. My latest invention.”

My curiosity peaked, and I had almost forgotten what I came down to the lab for, “latest invention?”

“Yep, granted the project had been set back. For some reason I kept misplacing some of the tech needed to complete it.”

“You misplace things? That’s shocking to me.”

“I don’t usually, but for some reason more recently my mind has been clouded.”

“I wonder why?” I asked, being genuine. I may be stealing him, and making him think he’s losing it, but I’m not heartless.

Tony just chuckles, and brushes off the question. He always liked to share as long as there was a little pity to him, then he would move on. It annoyed me a little, but at the same time, I was used to it.

Tony led me to where his new invention was. He did warn it may not intrigue me, for it was more of an upgrade for his Iron Man suit. When he showed me, I was absolutely amazed. There would be no way that I could sneak this new piece of tech, but you bet I was going to try.

“Tony, I have something I have to tell you, and you probably won’t like it.”

“I knew it! All of my tech started disappearing after you showed up!” He jumped to conclusions.

“Uh, I was going to say I have to leave. My mother has fallen ill, and I am the last close family member to care for her. So, today will be my last day.” I spoke, looking confused at his accusation.

“Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. What is she sick with, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“She is in severe kidney and liver failure due to her heavy alcoholism after my father left her.” I said too casually, but he did not question me.

“So, where ya headed?”

“Maine. Specifically Augusta, Maine.”

“I see. It will be hard to see you go, but I understand how important family is. Before you go, come up to the penthouse, so I can give you a proper goodbye.” With that, Tony walked upstairs leaving me alone.

I knew him leaving me in the lab alone was a test. He was obviously on to me, and as much as I wanted to steal that new piece of tech, I had to leave it be, but I now had a lot of the tech to recreate it myself.

I of course did not want to say goodbye to Tony properly. He was just a pawn in a bigger game. I knew that I wasn’t playing a better, or bigger role, but more important than him. I made my way outside, and back to the abandoned warehouse where I kept the U-Haul truck.

I climbed in and headed to the rendezvous point. I was of course nervous about everything going wrong now that I was so close to getting back home. I made it to my point, and it was almost time to head back. Though, when it was time to head back, something went wrong. I couldn’t get the transporter to work.

That’s when I heard a car heading my way. I couldn’t help but begin to panic, and I kept hitting the transporter button. That’s when I heard the car stop a few feet behind me. The car door opened then closed, but I dare not turn around.

“This is the opposite direction of Maine, sweetheart.” Of course, this was just my luck.

“Yeah. I realise that.” I was extremely frustrated at this point.

“Open the truck.”

“Absolutely not! You do not have the authority to search my things.”

“I could get the proper authorities involved.”

I glare at him. I was not going to be threatened like this, but I could not use my authority here in this world. I technically didn’t exist. Not to mention I would blow my entire cover and mission.

“Or you could come with me, and explain what you’re doing with a truckload of my tech.”

I had no choice but to follow him. I had to remain as innocent as I could until he had enough evidence to prove I’m not.

Now you are all caught up to now. Nothing else has happened since then. Tony has since left me alone, and hasn’t returned. I think I hear something happening outside. This may be the only chance I would have to run. You bet I will be making a break for it. If I no longer update on my story, assume I made it back home, or I haven’t been captured by Stark and his posse of weirdos.

That’s it for now. Thanks for listening to my weird story. Just make sure to burn this once you have finished. Unless you’re Tony Stark, then you can suck it. Y/n out.

#tony stark #tony x platonic!reader #gender neutral reader #cia agent

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wordsafterhours · 4 years

Text

Ticket to L.A. (3)

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3

A warm, tingling sensation spread throughout Rowan as the girl, who had captured his attention so completely, rested her head against him. It was late, she was probably tired, as it was inching further into the wee early morning hours. They’d had a few drinks, talked and laughed, leaving her no time to get any of her work done. He wanted to feel bad for distracting her, but he couldn’t muster up an ounce of regret no matter how hard he tried.

Deciding to live in the moment, Rowan leaned his head against hers, reveling in the companionable silence that had settled around them. He needed time to process this entire situation anyhow. He’d never flown by the seat of his pants a day in his life, but reason had evaporated the moment he’d heard her laugh. It was almost as though he was coming home for the first time in his life.

Jesus man, you sound like a damn romance novel, Rowan internally chastised himself. Fate. Serendipity. Whatever this was with her, right now. . . these things didn’t actually happen in real life. This was just two strangers sharing a moment because they had nothing else to do, right?

“Ro?” she said quietly, almost so that he missed it amongst the raging thoughts in his head.

“Yes?” he asked in the same hushed tone.

“What’s your favorite animal?”

He tried to stifle a laugh but was unsuccessful, causing the woman to lift her blonde head from his shoulder—he promptly felt the loss of contact so acutely it was almost painful. With a shake of his head, he cleared his throat and proceeded to answer her rather random question. “A hawk.”

She smiled, quite wickedly, and a rather mischievous glint filled her bright blue eyes. “Oh, like those birds that eat dead animals off the side of the interstate?”

“No! Those are buzzards. Hawks are majestic and powerful. Buzzards are straggly, ugly even,” indignation punctuating his words.

“Goodness, you sounded wounded, Buzzard. I was only kidding!”

“Buzzard?” She couldn’t be serious, likening him to a bird who ate dead things for a living. Disgusting.

“Yeah, that’s your nickname now, Buzzard.” She informed him, her smile growing larger by the second.

“That’s it, I’ve found your only flaw. You’re a terrible nicknamer. If I’m a bird, I’m a hawk. I mean have you seen me? Tall, muscled, green eyes most women would kill for? Look like I could grace the cover of a men’s fashion magazine?” he rapidly fired while motioning up and down along his body.

“I don’t see it,” the stranger deadpanned with a facial expression to match.

Rowan craned his head back, trying to decipher if she was serious. Several tense seconds passed amongst them before she cracked up, nudging their shoulders together.

“I’m only kidding. You should have seen your face! Gods, you’re like the hottest guy I’ve ever seen, and my best friend is a male model, so I would know.” He watched suddenly as her face grew beet red for the first time all night at the realization of what she’d allowed to cross her lips.

“Oh, so the hottest guy you’ve ever seen, huh?” he mused and waggled his silver brows.

“I think I’ll just melt into the floor now,” she muttered, sliding down in her chair, a beautiful pout taking residence upon her face. The maneuver caused her white t-shirt to ride up, revealing a small silver of tanned skin. His throat grew instantly dry and subconsciously he reached out, tracing the bare skin with a calloused fingertip.

Her soft hand brushed against his, starling him. Like a child getting caught with their hand in the cookie jar, he tried to yank his hand back, all too aware of the multiple boundaries he’d carelessly violated. However, she latched her hand onto his, preventing him from severing their contact.

Pine green met turquoise and the air grew thick with unspoken feelings. Both continued to stare, bodies moving closer until lips were barely a hair’s breadth away. It would take nothing to feel her velvet, pink lips against his and Rowan wasn’t going to waste the moment. Her eyes fluttered shut, a clear invitation to kiss her, but he never got the chance as a loud voice rang out over head. Surprised by the unwelcome intrusion, they fell apart, moment ruined.

“Flights are now starting do board. The storm has moved out of the airport’s vicinity and it is safe to resume flights. Please check the information boards to see updated flight schedules regarding arrivals and departures. Again, we apologize for the delays, thank you for your patience.”

I can’t believe I almost kissed him. I don’t even know him. Damn PA system. Aelin internally cursed while avoiding Rowan’s heated gaze. “Uh, I guess we should check out those updates,” she said lamely, gesturing towards the cluster of monitors with her thumb.

“Oh, I guess you’re right.”

He stood, offering his arm to her. She looped hers through his and both awkwardly wandered towards the screens. She eyed the small text up and down, finally noting when the flight to L.A. was boarding out of gate 22. A small glance to her right revealed a brooding Rowan.

“So, when does your flight leave?”

“Looks like I still have a while,” he replied quickly, schooling his features to replace his frown with an impartial look instead.

Aelin turned from the board and started to walk back to their seats, tossing over her shoulder, “My flight appears to be boarding next. Well, if that shit is to be believed.” Rowan’s steps faltered for just a moment, like he needed a pause to digest what she had said, before he resumed following her. Perhaps he didn’t want this night to end either but then again, she could be projecting her own feelings onto him. There was a strong chance the sentiment was not mutual. That possibility caused her heart to painfully stutter and she rubbed her chest, trying to quell the ache that was taking root.

The duo plopped into their chairs, both electing to stay silent. Finally, it was Rowan who breached the chasm that had developed, “I guess you’ll have to answer your emails and write your blog post on the plane ride. I’m afraid I’ve occupied all your free time.”

“Looks that way,” she muttered, picking up her discarded laptop from the floor and shutting it down prior to slipping into her bag. Aelin wasn’t why, but his remark had further soured her mood. She would do anything to spend another few hours with him. Sell a kidney. Send a nude photo to Arobynn Hamel, the creepy lawyer that worked for uncle. That man was always hitting on her, but she’d never felt like this before and desperation was setting in by the minute.

The part of her that was used to be disappointed and incessantly let down was reminding her of all the reasons this couldn’t or wouldn’t last. Quite honestly, she was sure the bubble the two had forged couldn’t last past tonight. She’d get on that plane and Rowan would end up being just another person, floating out of her life as quickly as he’d entered it. Things didn’t work out for her, ever. Her parents, Chaol, Sam… all of them finite examples of how life shit on her when she least expected it.

Too wrapped up in feeling sorry for herself, Aelin hadn’t noticed Rowan move closer to her, until she felt the same calloused fingertip that had branded her skin earlier, apply gentle pressure beneath her chin. Willing herself not to cry in front of a stranger, she glanced up through her lashes. He looked concerned, the tip of a question on his tongue.

He kept his finger perched beneath her chin and leaned his forehead against hers. “You never told me your name.”

She snickered. If he had been trying to distract her from herself, he’d certainly succeeded. He was right, she hadn’t told him her name for a good reason, and she wasn’t sure she’d tell him; a little mystery could be a good thing. “I know, it was intentional. You could be a serial killer after all. You are good looking, give off a mysterious air, sought out a girl sitting alone in an airport. All these things just scream serial killer, ya know. I binge watch murder shows like the rest of the country.”

“First, you liken me to a buzzard and now I’m a serial killer? No wonder you’re single, you can’t give a compliment or flirt to save your life,” he jested, not moving at all while he did so.

Aelin pulled back and scoffed, “I’ll have you know, I’m an excellent flirt. Shame on you for suggesting otherwise.” She paused, tucking a piece of hair that had fallen loose behind her ear. “Besides, you don’t know I’m single! Buzzard!”

“Well, I hope you are,” he confessed, staring intensely at her.

“I’ll get back to you. I’m pretty sure there’s this very attractive man just waiting to take me out. I mean, I am a solid 10 and swim 5 times a week. You should see me in my bikini. It’s gold—” She would have continued torturing him, but Rowan sounded like he might cough up a lung. Being the merciful woman she was, Aelin leaned over and patted his back, trying to hide a shit eating grin the entire time.

“I’m good, I’m good,” he stated, waving her off. Mmm, I bet you are.

Before the two could continue, the same monotonous voice from earlier sounded overhead yet again, “Now boarding flight 547 JFK to LAX. Please make your way to the proper gate with your tickets and ID ready. Again, flight 547 JFK to LAX now boarding.”

Aelin’s stomach dropped at the stark reminder that their time was indeed ending. Rowan’s face crumpled as he came to the same realization.

“That’s me,” she mumbled, sadly. Rowan, being a gentleman, stood and bent down to pick up Aelin’s bag from the floor. He tenderly slipped the bag onto her shoulder, making sure it was in a comfortable position. Both stared, unwilling to utter goodbye. It was in that stubborn and stifling silence that Aelin decided she would divulge her name but not in the way he probably expected.

She rifled through her bag, finding a Sharpie. “Give me your hand and close your eyes.”

Rowan did as she demanded and extended his large hand towards her expectedly for the second time tonight. She scribbled her name and number on his open palm and then pressed his fingers around it, sealing it with a featherlight kiss. “Please don’t look at it until I board the plane.”

Rowan cocked his head, finding her request peculiar, but decided to acquiesce, giving a slight nod. Aelin smiled faintly whilst placing a hand on his shoulder, rising to her tip toes, and brushing a soft kiss against his stubbled cheek. Her lips lingered for a few more seconds than necessary and before she could stop herself, she hastily turned and disappeared through gate. 22.

Rowan watched the beautiful golden blonde woman until she disappeared from his view. He then gave himself another ten seconds before he opened his hand, revealing what she had written.

Aelin. 423-555-9048. His face split in two. Despite no longer being in front of him, this woman was still making an impression. A beautiful name for a beautiful girl. He slunk back down into the uncomfortable plastic chair that he’d occupied for the previous 8 hours and continued to stare at his hand. Time seemed to stop as he sat there, analyzing his feelings and the situation that was quite literally, at hand. With renewed purpose, he sat up straighter and pulled out his phone, googling the distance between Seattle and L.A.

One state—Oregon. 1,135 miles. 18 hours in a car. A stuffy plane ride. This was just a short list of what separated them. This woman—Aelin—could in fact be the love of his life and here he was wasting time compiling stupid lists. He should be calling her. Gods, he should have chased after her. But he’d already acted out of character when he rashly scoured the airport for the owner of such magical laughter.

Could I really do it? Could I chase after someone I’ve only known for 8 hours? He repeated this over and over to himself until he could no longer counter himself.

Having spent so long talking to Aelin and then spending more time agonizing over what he should do, Rowan had missed his flight to Seattle by a couple of hours. But he wasn’t sorry. This day had started out in such a shit way and by the time he had gotten to the airport, Rowan was ready to curse Hellas and label it the second worst day of his life.

If you asked him now though, he’d tell you it was the day that changed his life.

Was it cosmic forces? Fate? Luck? He didn’t know but he wasn’t going to question it any further. He picked up his carry on and slung it over his back as he approached the ticket counter.

“Ah yes, I need a ticket for the next available flight to LAX.”

#aelin x rowan #rowan whitethorn #rowan #aelin ashryver #rowaelin #rowaelin prompt #rowaelin fanfic #rowaelin au #aelin galathynius #ticket to L.A.#throne of glass

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astrochiron · 5 years

Text

the signs :: my dear melancholy, // the weeknd

Aries & Libra- Hurt You

“And now I know relationships [are my] my enemy, so stay away from me; i’m warning you”

The opening lines of the song sets us up with Abel claiming that he’s over relationships; they hate him, he hates them, and he’s warning this girl of such before everyone gets hurt. His antagonization of the relationship and his aggressive tone exudes Arian energy. It also speaks from a place of independence and rejection of the “other”.

“When you're with him, you close your eyes and think of me

Just call me up again

I'll make you weak”

Abel goes on to talk about how the two of them share a special connection and even if she’s with someone else, he’ll always be on her mind. I’ve personally heard a Libra or two express this sentiment to someone. Libras are often amazing partners and great, attentive lovers, so his claim isn’t likely unfounded.

Overall

“Hurt You” takes on the perspective of both the woman (probably Bella Hadid) and Abel (The Weeknd), allowing for equal representation that expresses Libran fairness. He’s looking at how he doesn’t want to get involved with her again because he knows that he’ll just hurt her again. Plus, its focus on the relationship itself associates with Libra’s position as the sign of romantic connections. I think Arians are very honest with themselves and, at the end of the day, would rather do bad on their own then bring another in on their problems. This also pushes people away, leaving Aries to fix everything on their own. Plus he brags on his sex fame a bit, which is common from both of these signs.

Taurus & Scorpio- Privilege

“And I don't wanna hear that you are suffering

You are suffering no more

'Cause I held you down when you were suffering”

This line is super Taurean to me. Taurus is the sign of stability, support and comfort and Abel was saying he was all three for this person at one point. If anyone cares, this is specifically talking about how Selena Gomez was physically suffering and how he was a support system for her, even allegedly offering to donate a kidney for her when her own failed. This also connects with a Taurean’s tendency to take a lot of shit until they reach their breaking point, from which there is no return.

“And I'ma fuck the pain away, and I know I'll be okay […]

But I'ma drink the pain away, I'll be back to my old ways”

I’m not one to reduce Scorpio solely to sex but it is a large part of both it and Taurus’s main tropes. Scorpio seeks a deep connection and Taurus is centered around sensual pleasure. Abel seems to be using sex and alcohol as more of an escape, leading toward more Scorpio-like (and even Piscean) tendencies. It’s doubtful that these sensual pleasures and attempts at intimate connection will actually help, but he’s down to try.

Overall

“Privilege” is basically about facing the reality and aftermath of a break up. Scorpio is associated with death, including the death of a relationship and the aftermath afterward. Taurus focuses on living in reality with its Earth association. It’s all about the here and now, being stable and physically present which is shown with the physical ways Abel tries to patch himself up after his heartbreak. Scorpio, not he other hand, focuses on evolution and growth especially after a major upset like a break up.

Gemini & Sagittarius- Try Me

“Once you put your pride aside

You can notify me (-fy me), -fy me (-fy me)”

This reminds me of Gemini. They’re not too prideful when it comes to things they want. Gemini is often compared to school-aged ids and that’s very true when it comes to their motivations; no pretense or deep thought when its something they simply want. I can totally see them persuading a partner to be less pretentious; “C’mon, don’t over think this one. When you stop being so honorable, let me know.”

“Havin' thoughts you never had, yeah”

This line reminded me of Sagittarius’s ability to make things more logical or philosophical, seemingly the opposite of Gemini’s simplcity. They’re good at pushing their ideas for their own benefit, making the woman have thoughts she never had in the first place.. “I mean it’s not really cheating if you and I don’t kiss; no emotions involved. Besides, you’re not married so you’re technically single,” or “I mean what’s the actual definition of cheating?”

Overall

So “Try Me” is basically Abel telling this girl to leave the guy she’s with now and try him out again. I’m so sorry if this offends y’all (I’m not sorry, really), but it instantly reminded me of both Sag and Gemini. I’m a Sag moon and I know how… calculated we can be with these matters. Gemini represents all things familiar and things you’re pretty well-versed in due to repetition and what screams that more than having sex with an old fling?

Cancer & Capricorn- Wasted Times

“And what they got that I ain’t got? Cause I got a lot”

This is a line that someone who likes to provide for others would say. Both signs are concerned with protection and providing, Cancer wanted to nurture and provide emotionally while Capricorn shields and provides physically. It screams, “I took care of you and I gave you all i had; what can he give you?”. This also speaks to the Capricornian tendency to compare status.

“I ain’t got no business catching feelings”

Cancers are super stubborn when it comes to trusting and letting others in, especially romantically. It’s all to do with that crab shell that protects them from harm. They have no time to catch feelings cause when they do, it’s insanely deep. This is the same for Capricorn, really, as they (GASP) change their future plans for those they love and hate fucking with their vision for those who aren’t serious.

Overall

“Wasted Times” is about Abel being a highly publicized relationship with Selena Gomez, the operative Capricornian word being “publicized”. Abel hates to think he publicly linked his name with someone that he considers as wasted time. Both Cancer and Capricorn is all about time too; Cancer will lament on time wasted, saddened by past mistakes and Capricorn won’t even let you waste their time, focusing on the future.

Leo & Aquarius- Call Out My Name

“You’re on top, I put you on top I claimed you so proud and openly, babe”

Aquarians are almost as secretive as Scorpios especially when it comes to associating themselves with people. Aquarius re-prioritized and even claimed her publicly, both being a big deal. Putting the one you love on top is also such a Leo trope, too; love before all, even self.

“Why can’t you wait ’til I fall out of love?”

This line is pretty self centered which tend to associate with (all fixed signs but especially) Leo and no, that’s not always a bad thing. Leos and Aquarians both don’t like when people don’t react the way they planned or in the way that’s most beneficial toward them. He simply wanted her to wait to move on until he was ready to move on himself, now is that too much to ask? To a normal person, hell yes.

Overall

“Call Out My Name” starts the album expressing how Abel is putting way more into the relationship than the other party. Every single person with heavy Leo placements that I’ve known have hearts bigger than Volkswagen Beetles, so they tend to give their relationship 250% even if the other person is only capable of 19%. This also gives a brief look into the often irrational and deep feelings that Aquarians claim they don’t have.

Virgo & Pisces- I Was Never There

“Now I know what love is and I know it ain’t you for sure

You’d rather [have] something toxic, so I poison myself again, again”

This is the line that secured this song as Virgo for me. Abel aways equates women or the pursuit of them to drugs and the fact that he knows how unhealthy the relationship is shows a Virgoan awareness as well a Piscean tendency to ignore such awareness. He’s resorting back to what he knows, the tried true method of coping, so he can feel better.

“I'm on the edge of something breaking

I feel my mind is slowly fadin'

If I keep going, I won’t make it”

These lines at the end of the song, again, point toward the Virgo-Pisces axis. Virgos are hardworking to a fault. They, like Abel, do what they can until they’re completely spent. Pisces will put forward energy they don’t even have to help boost those around them. Both of these methods are unhealthy and ultimately self-destructive. If he keeps putting all his energy into this thing and she keeps sucking it up without reciprocity, he simply won’t make it, or at least they won’t.

Overall

Well I immediately pegged “I Was Never There” as Pisces and since there were only six songs, Pisces’ sister had to come along too. It does fit though! Virgo and Pisces both are mutable signs and this song is specifically discussing the end of a relationship. Mutable signs bring on the ends of their respective seasons are associated with destruction, critique and moving on. He turns to drugs and other unhealthy escapist shit to get over the relationship which, stereotypically enough, is associated with Pisces.

check your moon sign (for the song that makes you comfortable and puts you in your emotions), sun sign (the song that makes you happy and the one you ride around to) and venus sign (the one that speaks to your inner artist). the whole album is a no-skip™ for me. treat yo self.

#no-skips #music #astrology #my dear melancholy #the weeknd #aries #taurus #gemini #cancer #leo #virgo #libra #scorpio #sagittarius #capricorn #aquarius #pisces #mine

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larougie · 4 years

Text

caffeine stains and library books

genre: college/coffee shop au

pairing(s): bang chan

word count: 3.2k

description: With college kicking your ass, what exactly are you meant to do, when you spill that fifth cup of coffee over that very. Very. Expensive textbook. Apparently he didn’t have any good ideas either.

Finals were going to be the death of you.

You were seriously considering the option of dropping out and just working in a supermarket for the rest of your life, and it had gotten to the point where breaking into the office for the test answers wasn't seeming like such a bad idea. You'd been renting a tiny studio apartment for the last two years, but the limited floor space was currently overtaken by piles and piles of notebooks and loose sheets of paper with rushed notes scribbled over them. Your old textbooks with folder corners and bashed ends were all stacked against the wall in a corner beside your bed, and you only took one out from the pile at a time. Those books were worth more than your life at this point, and you swore to yourself that you’d never lose them. But currently, the one book you were poring over wasn’t even yours.

Eventually, you knew that the rent payments and college fees would catch up with you - especially considering your current lack of employment - but you had hoped that your bank account would hold out until after the final exams and until you could go job hunting in the summer break. As fate would have it, it was a little bitch, and you had no such luck. You had a few options before you had to start selling kidneys, but none of them seemed appealing and you simply just did not possess enough hours in the day. Of course, there was always one major expense on your debit card every month, but you weren't sure if you were ready to give that one up.

Turns out, you were perfectly content to use textbooks borrowed from the library and return them after the exams, as long as it meant that you didn’t have to stop going to the little cute coffee shop a few minutes off campus. You spent most days frequenting that cafe, sitting in the corner with your old laptop and the borrowed books, sipping on a coffee way too hot for your taste buds. Now, when you had called your best friend, asking for advice on what to do because you were about to lose your apartment, he had, of course offered the logical solution of - Stop spending so much money on coffee.

But you had a dilemma.

See, you told Minho that you studied in the corner of the cafe because the atmosphere was calm, it helped you focus, and to not buy a coffee would be incredibly rude, but he knows you very well. Too well, actually, it's quite terrifying sometimes. You definitely weren't going to the coffee shop to stare at the cute barista who had been working there for the past few months, that was definitely not why you were spending extra, unnecessary money on coffee. Or, that's what you tried to convince Minho of at least.

It wasn't a one sided infatuation though, and that was your saving grace in this situation. You'd been dropping into this specific cafe for about a year now, after trying all around the campus to find a decent cup of coffee that wasn't overloaded with sugar. Even before the barista boy had added himself into the mix, you knew that this was going to become a regular addiction, and his addition to the staff only cemented that fact. You really wish you had the guts to ask his name, because he already knows yours. However the universe worked, he always seemed to be working when you came in at random hours of the day, and he always seemed happy to take your order at the register. Give it a few weeks, and as soon as you entered the cafe through the small door, he was ringing up your coffee on the machines behind him. You were his “regular”, as the other staff members liked to tease him.

Sometimes, when the cafe quiets down in the later hours of the evening, he’ll still be working and you’ll still be typing up that essay that was due in a few hours. He’ll put on some music from his phone, and put it into a small glass to amplify the sound so you could hear it. The first time he’d done it, he’d been constantly checking back at you to see if the volume was annoying you or if you were looking at him. To be honest, at first the music did distract you a little bit, but you were too enamoured with the way the boy danced quietly to the music as he cleaned down the tables to ask him to turn it off.

Soon enough, most of the songs he played you had made their way onto your study playlist. You put your earbuds in and listened to the music as you studied in the cafe, and when the barista turned on his own playlist - only then would you remove them. He’d always catch you staring at him as the cafe began to empty, the unspoken question of “are you going to put your music on soon?”

You’d always turn bright red when he caught you staring, and look away so fast it should have given you whiplash. You figured that he never approached you about it because it was too awkward of a topic and you had made him feel too uncomfortable. The truth was, he did want to talk to you, but he had neither a reason nor the confidence to stroll up and strike a conversation. He had noticed that one of the textbooks you often dragged with you to the corner looked oddly familiar, but he guessed it was because he had taken that class as a junior last year, and shoved the thought to the back of his mind.

You were five or six cups of pure caffeine into the study session, and before you looked up you already could tell it was getting too dark for three pm. As you lifted your eyes from the screen in front of you for the first time in a while, and rolled your head back onto your shoulders, your wandering eyes caught sight of the time displayed on your laptop. Oh. Oh. The cafe is closed now. Had been for about twenty minutes. You turned your head quickly around the shop, looking for people and found no one. You wondered why no member of staff had come up to you yet asking you to kindly leave the building, but they all seemed to be preoccupied behind the kitchen doors. Seeing an ideal time for an unnoticed escape, you packed up all your things in record time, shoving them haphazardly into your bag and bolted out that door. The chime might have alerted the staff to someone leaving, but by the time anyone had made it to the front counter to see the door - you were long gone.

Pulling an all nighter was never a fun proposition, but you undertook the task more often than you’d like to admit. See, your reasoning behind that was Procrastination was key to a passing grade, and, yes, so far that certain theory hasn't failed you, but it was definitely taking a toll on your mental health. But, you dug your own grave, time to lie in it.

You take it back, you hate this. It's four am. What's the treble clef. Tchaikovsky is that you. All the notes are one big long line. Minho send assistance.

Its official, university is going to kill you and tonight is the night you finally keel over. Rubbing your eyes you roll back the chair you've been curled up in and lift your arms to stretch over your head-

Your hand hit something. Probably a pencil. Or that water bottle. You lifted one eyelid slowly, peering at the offending object. Oh the coffee mug, yeah that makes sense you don't drink water. The coffee mug that was now slowly pouring the cold brown liquid over the textbook that was open at the top of your desk. The textbook that you couldn’t afford to buy yourself because you were a broke college student and rent and living expenses took priority.

It took a moment to register.

Oh no. oh christ, you had to return this back to the library in a few days - you couldn’t pay another late fee! The lady at the library desk really didn't like you, and always seemed to go out of her way to make you pay the full fee, despite you showing her your student ID multiple times. It was probably because you never returned books on time, but that was beside the point, isn't she meant to be understanding? You were a uni student for crying out loud, the stress.

The point was, you had now completely destroyed a very, very expensive textbook that you didn’t have the money to replace - the words were bleeding into each other and slowly becoming illegible right before your eyes. The librarian was going to hang your head from the archway. You re-iterate, college was going to kill you. Just maybe, not in the way you expected.

Picking up the phone, you frantically press on the first contact you see.

“Minho?”

“Sup dumbass.”

“I’d bitch at you, but it's fitting for the situation, help me. Please.”

“... Who’s dead.”

“NO ONE’S DEAD I JUST- murdered a very expensive textbook that I don’t have the money to replace, and the librarian is signing my death warrant.”

Minho sucked in a breath from the other end of the phone. “Eesh y/n, you sure it wasn’t one of those loan-on-loan books from the last shelf?”

You press the phone between your shoulder and your ear, snagging the paper between your fingers and pulling the hard-bound book towards yourself. You pushed the pens and pencils out of your way and sent them scattering onto the floor in your haste, and flipped to the back of the cover to see the words On Student Loan.

“About that,” you mumbled, crumpling your head into your hands as the phone clattered to the desk beside you. You could hear Minho laughing on the other end, and you huffed to yourself. “I called you to give me advice, you horrible person, not to lauGH at my misery.”

“Okay okay I,” Minho tried to catch his breath, coughing slightly, “It's not the end of the world, is it? It's a Library book. Explain it to the lady at the desk, I’m sure she’ll understand.”

“Sure, Min. Thanks.”

“No problem, babes.”

“Ew no.”

“Whatever babes.”

You hung up the phone with a sigh, and let your head hit the desk again, before yelping as the wood left a red mark on your skin. It couldn’t have been just a normal library book? The universe has to hate you right now? No, instead it had to be one of those stupid textbooks that seniors lent to the library from past courses for the younger years to borrow. It was someone else’s book. That they had bought and studied from, and were expecting to get back from the library once the year was over. In the top corner of the stamp, the senior’s name who gave it to the library was printed - Bang Chan.

That was familiar, wasn’t it? You had heard that name being called out around somewhere, by a group of boys. You rattled your brain around, trying to think where you had heard that name before - you knew it sounded like you’d heard it before. In your lectures, on the roll? No, he was a senior and he wouldn’t be in any of your classes. Around on campus wouldn’t make any sense, you walked around with music on all the time, you couldn’t hear when people called your own name out, let alone anyone else’s.

In the? Cafe? Possible. Very possible. Well, it's worth a shot, he could be a friend of someone who works there.

What you planned to do once you had found this Bang Chan is beyond you, but you had a general idea of apologizing profusely, attempting to stutter out an explanation between that and tossing in a promise to repay him for destroying it but just not right then because you didn’t have money, hence why you can’t just buy your own textbook and not borrow ones from the library. Hopefully, he’d be a nice enough guy and won’t take your destruction of his music book to heart. Hopefully.

So, come the next morning, you took one last long look at the destroyed pile of papers held together on your table - still waiting to wake up from this nightmare - and left your apartment with your bag swung over your shoulder. You locked the door behind you, and began the short walk into your first hour of lectures.

You knew you couldn’t get to the cafe before two pm, but that didn’t stop you from checking the clock every few minutes to see if there was a chance you could dag out of the hall. Five past one turned into ten past two, and by the time your lecturer was finishing up her last slide you were already turning off your laptop and putting it away into your bag.

Your heart was in your mouth as you walked slowly up to the cafe. You didn’t even know why you were so nervous, but you guessed it was just because of a guilty conscience. Pushing open the door slowly, you looked up from your shoes and instantly made eye contact with the one, the only. Barista boy.

Great, this is going to be embarrassing.

Swallowing your pride, and your slight disappointment that your first real conversation with the guy is going to be about looking to find another boy, you began to move up towards the counter where he was standing.

“Your usual?” He asked, with a small smile.

“I, uh. No actually, I was wondering. Do you know if - of, sorry, of. Do you know of a Bang Chan, by any chance? I think he studies music in my university.” Your hands were fumbling with each other in front of your hoodie.

The boy in front of you furrowed his brow slightly and tilted his head, stating “Present?”

Oh cool, you destroyed a cute barista boy’s textbook who is actually Chan, the guy you’ve been looking for is the guy you’ve been thirsting over. Great stuff. That's the end of you. Rip in pieces.

After that, you started blabbering out everything. Word vomit, and no stomach medication was stopping this.

“Christ okay, this is gonna sound absolutely horrible, but did you lend one of your music theory textbooks to the library by any chance? Well, heh, of course you did, I have it and I was using it for a while - like for study not for anything else that would be weird - I’m a music major you see, and I - the textbooks are really expensive this year? And I just couldn't afford them with my rent as well but you obviously don’t care about that bit-”

He put up a hand to stop you, and you took a deep breath. Softly, he said, “Yeah, I remember I left some of my older textbooks in the library because I didn’t need them for notes anymore. Is there a problem with one of them?”

You stop.

“Well, yes? Technically? But it's totally my fault - you see, a few night ago i kinda, totally on accident destroyed the book when I spilt coffee over it, and I’m so sorry, i really am and I promise I’ll find the money to repay you for the book, I just don’t have that kind of cash on me right now, I’m so sorry.”

Chan pursed his lips, looking at you with his head lifted up slightly. He chuckled softly. Oh boy he’s so mad, there went your chance at dating the cute barista boy, because newsflash he’s going to hate you for the rest of your life and, you looked again at his face. He was smiling now. The small lips had broken into a beaming smile that spread across his face like sunshine on a stupidly adorable field of flowers.

“You know i've been waiting for a reason to talk to you for the last few weeks.”

His voice broke the rushing of your thoughts around your head, and you flipped your eyes up to meet his in shock.

“So now it kinda seems like you owe me a favour right?”

Words. Come on words.

“Uh, yeah i guess? I'll have the money for you as soon as possible. I promise I'm so sorry-” you stammered out, clearly confused by the situation but still extremely grateful that he was taking the news of his mutilated music book so well.

“It's okay! Seriously, I never used that thing anyway. But instead of paying me back for the book, how about we say you just - owe me a favour?”

Your bank account screamed at you to say yes, so you did.

“Uh, sure?”

When you said you'd owe him a favor, this isn’t what you had meant.

“CHAN I'M GOING TO KILL YOU.”

He only laughs at your threats, running around the back of the sofa and tossing a pillow at your face to block your view. You bat it away in frustration, rejoining the chase, and your socks skid on the wooden flooring as you slide around the furniture in pursuit of your assailant. Chan runs into the bedroom and closes the door, you hot on his heels and you reach the door seconds after it clicks shut. As you slam open the door, and skid into the room, you stop in your tracks. You survey your surroundings, looking for any indication of where the menace could be hiding. The curtains twitch from the wind coming through the open window, and you shift your stance to face the billowing fabric. When your guard is down, he takes his chance.

With a strangled battle cry, Chan leaps out from behind the door and tackles you down in one swift movement. You fall with an ungraceful yelp onto your bedsheets, banging your knee on the foot of the bed as you tumble into a heap. You land on your back, the breath knocked out of you as Chan sits triumphantly atop your legs, pinning them down. He smiles down at you like the angel that he is.

Staring amusedly back up at him, you jerk your uninjured knee, flipping the two of you over so you were on top and he was staring up at you. You tilt your head, and smile at him like he had smiled at you, and the two of you break out into laughter.

“You made me hurt my knee.”

“I didn't make you do anything.”

“Wow, such care. Such emotion. Much love. Not even an offer to kiss it better.”

“I think i have a better idea.”

Yeah, maybe this wasn't exactly what you had in mind, but by god, was it a million times better.

You still had that library book by the way. It was sitting underneath your desk, caffeine stains and all.

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fuck-customers · 5 years

Text

This needs some quick backstory before I reach my point. Earlier this month (June) I moved across the country. I didnt have a lot of belongings, and just decided it would be easier to save up and rebuy my nonessentials after the move instead of stressing over shipping.

There are a lot of reasons why I moved, one of the biggest factors is because my new location can give me twice as many hours, and so I'm finally financially stable for the first time in well over a year.

I gave my dad my old laptop, and decided to look at electronics today to see how much I should set to the side on my next paycheck so i can save up for one. Well the website I was on was a bit dumb on showing relevant searches, and pulled up a bunch of tablets instead of computers/laptops. Unfortunantly for me, some of those results were [REDACTED] tablets.

And I say unfortunately, because that instantly caused my head to start echoing a customer who blew up on me months ago over the fact that I couldnt help her with her broken tablet. She didnt buy a store warranty, it was outside the receipt warranty by 7 months, and so I explained that she would have to contact [REDACTED] because I honestly had no other options (we arent a tech store, we just have an electronics section, we were at Guest Services, and nobody in store had any history with fixing electronics). She was an elderly woman, blowing up on me about how she cant afford to spend 50 dollars on a new one. And I felt terrible, I knew what it was like to struggle because my family had some rough spots while I was growing up. I gave her all the information I could, and wished her to have a great day.

and she blew up on me, about "YOU try to have a good day when you cant afford a new tablet!" and kept screaming at me. I knew she was upset over her electronic, and i felt bad that we couldn't help her. But I literally had no way of helping her in that situation.

And it hurt hearing her say that to me, because at the time my $8 shoes were filled with holes because I couldnt afford to spend $2 a day on bus fare so I had to walk everyday. My food budget was a max of $3 a day, and I felt buyers remorse everytime i bought a piece of food that was over 70 cents. My left kidney was frequently swollen because the only thing id eat 98% of the time was an instant ramen bowl we sold, because that's all i could afford.

And obviously she didnt know that, barely any of my coworkers knew what was happening at that point in my life. But it took everything i had to stop myself from telling her that. Instead I had to stand there and endure all of the yelling she had targeted at me. She left the store yelling about howd shed never shop at our store again because obviously we didnt care about our customers.

She came back an hour later, apologizing to me saying that she's a good christain woman. Seeing her nearly caused me to start shaking because as her way of apologizing, she was in my personal space (she took my hand to hold it while she said everything). I was uncomfortable having her near me, I could have cared less if she changed her mind and came back. But to have her so close to me was triggering my freeze response (can't walk away, cant talk, etc.).

This happened months ago, and I havent had to see this woman sense. She is on the other side of the country, and i now live in a city that is 44× the size of my hometown. I will never see this woman again, yet my brain is now unable to associate [REDACTED] tablets with anything else besides that experience.

So TL:DR, FUCK customers and the way they treat employees.

#submissions #fuck customers #cashier problems #fuck co-workers #fuck retail #submission

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warmau · 6 years

Text

{Special} College!AU Sungjin

sungjin already graduated college, he did his degree in biology and is now in his third year of medical school

his speciality is surgery

so most of his time is dedicated to his clerkship within one of the city’s hospitals

he’s on rotations, so he really never knows what his schedule is but he knows one thing - he has ZERO free time

the million times jae tried to invite him out for dinner with the guys sungjin was like ‘i havent slept in three days. im living off cold coffee. if i eat a full meal it might just kill me’

jae was like,,,,,suit yourself we’re getting curry

sungjin, in tears: have fun,,,,,,,

when he does get ,,, like time off which is rare - very, very rare

he tries to keep up with his musical hobbies, keep up with his guitar and his singing but it’s really just for his fellow friends who all like music too

when he was in college with them he was part of night6, but when he started med school it was like

THAT dream is over,,,,,,,rip

but he still loves music - he’s like the only student in his year who needs to listen to music when studying otherwise he can’t do it

people are like “how do you concentrate with the lyrics?”

and sungjin just kind of vaguely shrugs and he’s like “i don’t hear them - i listen to the melody.”

“so like instrumentals?”

sungjin, eyes wide: “no. i just FEEL the melody”

he shares an apartment with a close friend of his, jaebum who isn’t in med school but is doing his masters in ancient history

the two of them are worlds apart in terms of their careers, but jaebum comes in handy because he understands latin and a lot of sungjin’s textbook use latin prefixes in medical terminology

so sungjin is just like “how do you say this?” and jaebum pronounces it perfectly and sungjin is just like,,,,,,,,,,,,yeah definitely gonna butcher that one

he likes to keep his space clean - and his room is virtually empty because he has no money or time to decorate it

(although, when he graduated all of night6 pitched in together to get him this really cool guitar stand and set of pics so he has those displays - even if dowoon was like ‘that’s corny’)

weird fact though: he’s very good at building ikea furniture. he’s so good with his hands people are like “OH surgery - no wonder! it fits you so well!”

sungjin always tries to make corny dad jokes about why he’s in surgery but they’re never funny jskhgfds

looks super cute wearing the doctor’s mask, his pristine white lab coat, and carrying around his clipboard

all the scrub nurses think he’s just precious,,,,,,,

he’s really popular with moms LOL (and patients in general)

out of all the people in his rotations, he takes getting scolded and snapped at the best

which is interesting because you look at him and think: big softie, which he is

but he’s also a natural born leader - who keeps it together just so other fellow med students dont get discouraged

(still internally screams during evaluations week though)

you actually meet sungijn at the hospital where he’s doing his clerkship

you’re currently part of the hospital's senior citizen program, where you volunteer to help out those who might have trouble getting around and making sure they get to their apointments

so when the grandmother you’re taking care of needs to see the surgeon - you’re there with her

it’s a minimally invasive surgery, for her kidney stones and the student on the job is none other than sungjin

when he calls you two from the waiting room, you first notice the absolutely genuine concern in his eyes

he’s not like other med students,,,,,who are cold and almost fatigued or overly bright and peppy

he’s very much like an actual doctor - you’d been fooled if you hadn’t been to other appointments before

(and plus,,,,,,, he’s wearing his uni’s ID badge)

he goes through the usual pre-surgery questions, you have to help her answer some because she forgets and each time you do

sungjin smiles, thanking you

it’s weird - but there’s this warmth to him, you immediately feel that there’s something about this guy

something that makes you happy he’s going to be a surgeon one day

a nurse comes in to help him prep for the surgery, and you see how careful and methodical his hands are

and when he’s done he gives you and the grandmother one last tiny bow and tells you the nurse will come back to start the anesthesia with the doctor

when it starts, you leave the surgery room to wait for the grandmother in the hall

it won’t take long, so you settle down with a book you’d brought along when you glance up to see sungjin

“park! do you know where the gloves are - we ran out in this room!” someone calls out and sungjin points down the hall “closet, we just restocked.”

a moment later there’s two other students running up to him, barraging him with questions

sungjin answers them, calm and collected

this goes on for a good fifteen minutes - sungjin doesn’t have anytime to himself to finish his notes or start his next intake

he must be really reliable

you observe, but then stifle a giggle when you see him trip over the side of the receptionists desk

sungjin must have heard you because he looks your way, a little red in his cheeks and you shyly have to drop your gaze back to your book

more times pass and then a nurse tells you you can come in, the surgery went well and you’ll be able to take the grandmother home

you thank her - the surgeon, who leaves the room with a nod your way and then you catch sungjin’s eye again

“everything alright?”

you nod and he smiles in return, “im happy to hear it.”

after that,,,you don’t really visit the surgery ward much

but for some reason sungjin stays on your mind

so when a fellow person in your program asks if you can cover and taken one of their seniors to their surgery appointment - you jump at the opportunity

sungjin is a little shocked, but happy to see you again

“i assume you’re in the seniors program here, that or you love taking old people to the doctor?”

you laugh a little “im a volunteer there, and while it’s not fun taking them to the doctor - it feels like im doing something good.”

sungjin seems to dwell on that for a moment, “it is something good. you’re a good person.”

you stare at him, softening a little “you are too.”

to anyone else it would have just been small talk, you and sungjin are strangers - but you think in that moment something,,,,something sparks

neither you or sungjin have really heard words like that before,,,,,,

sure you were told “oh! volunteering is so good for a resume!” and sungjin had heard “surgeon? how much money will that rack in?!”

but,,,,just a simple “you’re doing this because you’re a good person” can just mean,,,a lot

and although the first time you visit the surgery ward, right after your volunteering shift ends, the nurses look between you and sungjin

and he’s again a bit shocked

it’s not like,,,weird,,,,,,it’s almost as if this could become a regular thing

you only get to talk for maybe five minutes, till sungjin is pulled back into his work

but ,,,, those five minutes are worth it

and every now and then you leave some snacks with one of the nurses to give to sungjin

and they wink up at you and you’re like no,,, i just,,, i want to make sure he eats he’s my friend

and they’re like “mhmm,,,friend”

sungjin brings it up like “the nurses think we’re having some hospital love affair, like in the dramas”

and you laugh it off that time - even though something stirs in your heart just,,,, just a little

a couple of months pass - summer is coming up which means sungjin’s rotations will come to an end for this semester

you’re a little sad, but your visits with him have been getting more comfortable

and even though sungjin’s sense of humor is a little dated - you enjoy talking with him

so when you reach the surgery floor, greeting the receptionist as she already knows you by name

your summertime smile drops when you hear the yell

“sungjin, are you joking me? are you some deadbeat first year? you making a mistake like this is beyond my comprehension - you’ve been here long enough for me to know you’re not an idiot. but this makes you look like an idiot!”

the last word makes you cringe, are - are doctors allowed to talk like that to students?

but no one even bats an eye, the students just look away and some people look a bit uncomfortable

but that’s it

sungjin is left standing there when the doctor throws the papers back into his hands and storms off, the others following behind him

you watch his large shoulders tense - jerk a bit as he turns and then disappears down the corner

“he might be going to the storage closet, third door down that hall.”

the receptionist whispers and you look at her as she tilts her head

“go cheer up your boyfriend.”

you don’t even correct her, your worry for sungjin overrides it as you take her advice

when you open the door, the small room is dark and you don’t hear any sounds - but you see the outline of sungjin

he’s just standing beside one of the shelves, quiet and defeated

“sungjin?”

he turns around at the sound of your voice, his shoulders don’t relax but he’s not crying or anything

but then, as your eyes adjust a bit - you see the dark bags under his eyes

his hair is a bit of a mess, not combed and clean like usual

you might be exaggerating, but he looks ,,, he looks really bad today

“what’s going on?”

he puts on his ‘it’s all ok, don’t worry about me’ voice and goes “nothing, i just needed a moment.”

you stare at him, almost thorugh him

“no, something is wrong.”

“you have no grounds saying that, you don’t know me that well.”

ouch

that stings and you step back, sungjin seems to have lost that warmth he’s always had

and it’s just in that moment, because sungjin seems to come ot terms with what he’s said and goes to correct himself

but you just nod, “you’re right. i don’t,,,,,,,”

you turn around and sungjin lifts his hand, but it falters as you start walking away

until he’s alone there again

you don’t come back to visit the surgery clinic

you don’t even try to think about it, and when a student gets into the elevator with you - you do your best to hide your face

but the hospital buzzes with some rumor about you and sungjin breaking up

“are you not with your boyfriend,,,that cute surgery student???” someone asks in your program

without much emotion you answer, “he wasn’t my boyfriend, not even my friend really.”

it confuses people - but it dies down fast

you and sungjin,,,,,,,,neither of you steps forward first

and it’s only when you hear that it’s the last week of student rotations for this semester that it really dawns on you

he’s never going to apologize is he?

he’s probably forgotten all about me,,,,,,

but, just as you’re getting ready to leave for the day - saying goodbye to everyone in your program the elevator dings

you turn, to run and catch it when you see who steps out of it

sungjin, awkward and looking around like a lost puppy spots you

in his hand is a boquet of flowers

he walks closer and you kind of just stand there - frozen

“i,,,,,,” he swallows and adjusts his hold on the flowers “i should have done this before, but i ,,,, i just got busy and i -”

“it’s fine. you said what you said and you were right. you didn’t have to go to the gift shop just to get me these.”

sungjin shakes his head, “i got these on my lunch break from an actual florist. i know you said you liked sunflowers so,,,,,,,but also i wasn’t right.”

he looks down, sighing

“i keep a lot of things inside, so when they come out - they come out harsh. you were someone who,,,who made me feel comfortable enough to open up and then i took it out on you when i knew you were there to help. i,,,,i really can be an idiot.”

he laughs sadly and you feel your heart crack a bit

you take the flowers and smell them, looking back up at him

“you’re not an idiot.”

he opens his mouth and you shake your head

“if you were you wouldn’t have made it this far, people wouldn’t relay on you. but you need to remember that sometimes you need to be taken care of to. you need someone to relay on to.”

he falls silent

but in a gentle shy whisper he asks, “is,,,,,would it be ok if i relied on you then?”

you look down into the flowers to hide the smile tugging at your mouth

“of course.”

sungjin’s phone goes off and it’s a text from the students in his clerkship. he has to get going and just as he turns, you pull him back by the sleeve

he’s already put his mask back up, but you pull it down - pressing your lips to his

“when your rotation ends, let’s go on a date - ok?”

sungjin turns every shade of red in the book but he agrees

your first date is a well deserved curry lunch that sungjin has been waiting for for a LONG time

no like seriously, he almost sobs when he gets to eat it and you’re like sungjin,,, and he’s like im sorry ive been living off stale granola bars and packet ramen

you let him have some of your curry,,,,he almost eats half of it LOL

afterwords you’re walking through the park, the warm evening weather makes it easy for you guys to just wander

when you hear one of the street performers playing on their guitar

you stop to listen, when sungjin suddenly pulls from your side

you watch, confused as he whispers something into the performers ear and your eyes go wide when the guy hands sungjin his guitar

with a smile, sungjin starts to play the chords to one of your songs that you’d mentioned

he sings along, eyes locked on yours and you feel your heart melt inside your chest

when he finishes the performer goes “you must be engaged or something, he loves you so much!”

and sungjin is like “actually,,,,,,,,,this is our first date”

unfortunately, dates are scarce with sungjin till his summer break kicks in

but it’s ok, you see him for those five minute chats in the hospital

and one of the nurses goes “i saw those two kissing out in the hospital garden this morning~”

you and sungjin: WHAT

the nurse: I KNOW WHAT YOU DID

the other students are all apparently jealous of your relationship,,,that it’s so lucky you volunteer at the same hospital - that they want love too :(

but you’re like guys,,,,don’t get it wrong sungjin is still in a fully committed relationship with his medical textbooks and clerkship,,,,you’re just a third wheel jokes jokes

but honestly, you don’t even mind it’s cool getting to be like “my boyfriends going to be a surgeon”

also i repeat: he looks freaking CUTE in the lab coat

you put a sticker on his ID card and even though sungjin loves keeping things clean and professional

he keeps it there,,,,because it’s cute - you’re freaking cute

it’s funny though because someone tells you sungjin has a photo of you two in his locker at the hospital and you’re like no way

and when you ask him he just gets red like,,,huh,,,what,,,,,uh,,,,,

you finally get to meet his friends when the summer breaks around and,,,,,god is it funny

jae is just like “bro i thought you were fake ,,,,, i thought for sure sungjin fever dreamed you up or something”

dowoon and youngk just accept you because they trust you love sungjin - even past his dad jokes

and wonpil has a lot of questions. many questions

“does sungjin make you play that board game with him,,,surgery! yeah surgery-”

“why would he do that-” sungjin, putting a hand over your mouth “shhh don’t answer him - if you do,,,,the questions will never stop.”

since he’s not up to his ears in work and school, you also get to experience more of sungjin’s musical ability

which shocks you everytime - like you’re just like you could have been a musician,,,,why choose surgery??

but you don’t ask him though, you respect his decisions

but you do shower him in compliments that makes sungjin all giddy and pink

100% comes over and helps you build furniture if you need him too LOL actually fixed your computer too,,,, he’s like a genius with his hands

(in more ways than one)

im just saying that one night,,,when he’s supposed to be just dropping you off after a date maybe,,,you let him in,,,,you know,,,,and sungjin is so cute he’s really like “what do you wanna watch on netflix?” and you just pull your shirt off and he’s like OH THATS WHY IM HERE

but he’s also like,,,,he’s not a novice - he knows what he’s doing

you check the marks out in the morning and you’re like woah sungjin, you have more energy then expected

sungjin hiding his face in your pillow “im sorry,,,”

teaches you some guitar when you guys have indoor dates, he puts his hands over yours and everything

his bland, clean room starts showing signs of you

like he has a drawer with some of your things - polaroids of you and him hang up on the wall above his desk

and it’s like,,,sungjin is really happy about it

jaebum even notes that he seems to be more comfortable about himself now that he has you

if you guys just have a moment where it’s quiet, you’re laying on his bed and he’s doing something on his laptop at his desk

you’ll look over and just be like “really?” because your cute, nerdy boyfriend is reading wikipedia articles about some weird medical discoveries - even during his break from school

when he goes back, you’re sad about your time together getting cut

but at the same time you have fun making cute flash cards for sungjin’s exams

and just supporting him again with little visits and snacks

and sungjin is honestly lovestruck at this point - it’s so noticeable and it’s like

he never losses it,,,he falls in love with you everyday all over and over agian

like you just smile at him and god his heart burSTS

jae gets your number just to be like: listen, let’s prank sungjin and say i need surgery

you: that’s mean jae

jae: you and him are a good couple, the no-fun couple -___-

sungjin is definitely a kiss on the forehead person, especially when you can’t do a lot of PDA at the hospital

might secretly have asked night6 to play a song he wrote about you for your first anniversery,,,

you cried - he cried,,,,wonpil literally BALLED his eyes out

you and sungjin ended up comforting him

idk,,you guys just are such good people made for each other accept it ok

#day6 scenarios #day6 imagines #day6 au #sungjin scenarios #sungjin imagines #sungjin au #park sungjin #day6 #college!au #park sungjin scenarios #park sungjin imagines #i ............kinda like this one

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rogue-snorunt · 6 years

Text

Why I made a ko-fi

I got an anon who said that if I'm going to ask the public for money, than I need to explain why and it better be good. Which. Subtlety kind of rude but I get it. I'd want to know the story too and while I did give the explanation already in my first post about it, because I broke my own link with my incredible stupidity, I took it down.

reposted the link to my Kofi that hopefully works now but did leave out the explanation because I feel bad involving others in my problems and I don't want people to hear em and feel guilted into anything.

So here it is: the full obnoxiously long saga of the series of unfortunate events that had led me to making the Kofi from start to finish describing my 2017-2018 life presently.

It all started back in January of last year..

The cafe in which I work.. Worked? Work.. closes every January for cleaning for anywhere between 2wks and a month and in the time they encourage us to apply early and collect unemployment. This would be my first and last ever time doing this.

Why close? Mainly because my bakery is an old fashion French bakery where our lawyer city boy rich owner went to France and liked some countrymans brick oven so much he dropped I think it was a million or so to not only buy the oven, but to actually bring said oven to America brick by fucking brick.

And to clean this wood fed oven the size of a living room, you need AT LEAST 2-3 wks to let it cool down enough for some poor scrawny guy to climb in through the tiny wood stuffing hole and excerise all that soot. Plus deep cleaning a detached two story bakery; the kitchen and cafe itself..

Anyway back to the plot:

So on Jan 1st,2017 I applied and by Jan 14th2017, the place temp closed for cleaning.

I had saved 900$ for this because I'd be okay for the month.. $200/month for rent; $50 for phone, $35 for gas, $130 for groceries for me (who has strict diet of lactose and gluten free diet because I WILL die if I eat gluten because my organs swell; attack themselves and try and shut down. Rip™ my diet gets fucking hella expensive. Bread alone is &4-$5 bucks) $300 monthly student loan etc..

Well: not a week in our gas heater said fuck you. So to help repair, there went -$400 bucks. A WEEK IN. Than my grandmas car died, -$250 a week later. Fuck me gently.

Than the fateful blizzard night of Jan 31st 2017 that would be the catalyst of unfortunate bullshit leading today.. at 4:35 on my friend was bringing me home after a fun weekend, as I do not have a car, and he wanted to make sure I got home safe before the super storm hit. The cafe was reopening Feb 10th.

I was later informed that at around 4:56, my friend hit black ice and we °360 hard into a tree. I only remember seeing it about to happen and worrying about my glasses about to break, then nothing. Then looking at my blurry hand and even with my one good but still kind of blind eye, I saw that it was black; blue and I couldn't move it. Then I guess I said "well shit" and went to sleep.

I had broken not only my glasses trying to protect them, the fucking irony.. but my metacarpals; my nose, inhaled the chemical death from the airbag and recieved mild chemic Burns to face and throat. My smol rib cage was punched by the airbag so hard it got bullied out of place and was now compressing my lungs and a severe concussion.

My friend luckily being a 6' ft some man was set far away from air bag and being the impact was more my side, had only bad bruising to the limbs but okay. His truck now an accordion.

The doctor only looked at my hand and ignored my concussion, as I had an in the ambulance and was apparently making stupid nonsense jokes. So they assumed I was fine I guess.

I had to call in to my job and sadly tell them the news I would not be able to work for maybe a few months.

A month later while home and coming down the stairs, I suddenly could not breathe and got light-headed. Not good when you on stairs. I ended up refuckin up my metas and now add broken tail bone to the list.

My return to work just went from hopeful 3-4 months to 6. I was not financially equipped for this

But wait rogue! The unemployment!

Ah yes. The fucking thing that would fuck me harder then the airbag and stairs combined.. You see:

I had asked everyone I knew that had ever collected unemployment before what to do and even the girl who did the disability thing: for I was unable to work; disability would not kick in until at least a month. I got bills men, life don't stop cause bad shit you know?

Everyone told me, collect unemployment until Disability kicked in. Then stop. Okay.. these 6 people would know best right? Dingdong: unfortunate event #3 so far:

By the time disability kicked in I had collected $700 caps. Nice! Right? Well my honest naive ass thought how you cancelled unemployment was to tell em to cease and why. So I did.I explained what happened. This proved to be the biggest mistake of my pathetic life and installed the lesson of "don't be honest with big brother." They said "oh no you got injured? Well guess what fucko. You now have to pay back the $700, or else and guess what, we adding an bonus fuck you of $200 ."

Hahahahahaha-what?

I'm not able to work; disability only gave$100 some and I got friends and family I am in debt to for helping during these shenanigans.

Then unfortunate events #4-#9 took place. my aunt died.

I had to be hospitalized for pancreatitis; kidney stones and infections a few times, sometimes for all em at once.

Then my dog prostate cancer became apparent and despite the medicine and surgery every thing that could hell, he had to leave us for the rainbow bridge.

Than my grandma's car died again.

Then my stepmother died.

Grandma had to get surgery for her knees and began to complain of occasional blindness and migraines.

Went back to work early because you guys do what you gotta do man, only it's 7 months later and in a couple more, the fucking Cafe is going to close again.

By the time it did, I had been using every paycheck to catch up on bills; pay back the my friends and family lent, paying the late bills from my dog and car repairs, back owed payment and feedback to the student loan. and just as I had started seeing the light at the tunnel.. we closed and I wasn't prepared.

Unemployment have nothing but the middle finger.

It'll be fine.. I can handle a month. It'll suck but-

ITS NOW MAY AND THEY AIN'T OPEN.

During the time I was laid off this year I spent my time as follows:

Joined Tumblr and began to meme to counter that bi-polar depression and made some friends, looking at you @m-is-for-mungo 😘💞💞

A man grabbed my hand that didn't heal right and squeezed it so hard he fucked the bone. Had to go back to p.t. Hand once again fucking useless and I had posted about this way back, if you dig in my archive, you'll find the posts.

Applied for a state job at our prison with my friend whose already there, as kitchen worker

Got the surgery that I could no longer put off as it was too fix the anatomical problem contributing factor to my organs rioting like they do, but thankfully since it was considered life threatening, my insurance covered it.

Finally deal with death of my dog; and my family. Then my dad having a stroke and other family stuff.

Got that pesky rogue ribcage displacement taken care of

Fell down the fucking stairs again.

Adopted a special needs cat.

Became once again a financial burden and the moment I could, filled the still laid off time by trying to help my friend at their restaurant as much as possible.

Got the "we want you asap BUT thanks to state Bullshit like budget stuff.. We have to wait for the actual state to say yes" call from the prison call.

My uncle was discovered to cancer but by the time it was found, he had a week left. Then he died.

Got my shit broken by the scorned ex of our roommate

And then got the fucking letter from unemployment mildly threatening me to pay up.

But you said you didn't have a car in January 31st but then you do now??

After the car event, my friend told me to seek comp because I did get fucked up and being a baker who broke their hands, shit ain't good.. I did not want to because it was my friend, it wasn't their fault and if I had had my own car or just during go there in the first place this wouldn't have happened. Reluctantly after much badgering, I did.I did not get anything however until a year and half half later. and yeah, I’ll tell you how much seeing how Im being brutally honest: $10,000.

I immediately bought a $4000 car so I would never again be a burden and every single car I’ve ever owned have been $100+ garbage death traps I got from shady people and for once in my fucking life I wanted a car that wouldnt break down or try to kill me a week later; helped my grandma buy a car that wouldn't fail her, bought her a new fridge because hers died and paid some of her bills she got behind on. My friend had fallen behind on their bills as well and I owe everything I am and still being alive to these people.

You bet my stupid ass, I used almost every dime to help them. And id fucking do it again because: homies help homies.. And when your Nana whose been both mom; dad and nana to you and is the reason you weren't place in foster care needs you.. You fucking help her no matter what.I did have enough to pay the student loan for last month and this month. I got a new track phone because mine broke, bought a pair of shoes because I've only ever had my loafers and the soles fell off finally and I brought groceries. I have enough to pay rent and I am now tapped out.

My only debt is this $900 fuck you from the government and my $15000k student loan.

And now y'all caught up on the fucking disaster that is my life.

I'm sorry for this sobstory of me crying about my problems but i.. I really do not like asking for help.i hate asking for help. I hate that I have to ask for money because I've been in desperate shitty situations my whole damn life and managed to somehow scrape by but for the first time, I'm in a situation that I can't fix alone. And I fucking hate it and that I have to admit it. but I need help .

This is why I made the Kofi

A kofi that is absolutely only for and will only be used, to pay that $900. I promise you that even if I become homeless, I am going to pay that goddamn bill before anything else. Because I helped everyone with their debt and they are all good now, we all squared and now it's my turn to be okay glib-dimit

#ask a rogue a question #explanation #i defeatedly #desperately and guiltedly i need fucking help #kofi roguesnorunt

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