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#You had a banana right there..

askawishfulboy · 26 days

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Thanks for the paint, I thought I'd never eat.

@askbananapie

@legendpony

#You had a banana right there..#wishfulthinking(oc)#digital art #original character #void #ask me anything #askblog #ask blog #bug oc #ask response #blender 3d

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jtl-fics · 1 year

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Fluent Freshman - Part 18

Weirdly enough the only thing that FF can think of as they head down the stairs is the first Saw movie.

That one happened IN a bathroom right? He kind of watched all of them in a row to prepare himself for whatever Andrew might decide to do to him. But he’s near positive that one happened in a bathroom. It was derelict and he didn’t think it really had running water (or did it? Didn’t the guy wake up in a half-full tub? His memory is hazy in his bathroom related desperation and may be trying to protect him from thinking about water).

All leading to the main thought going through his head as he slowly headed down the narrow stairway to his death.

Would Andrew let him use the facilities before he’s handcuffed to a pipe?

The worst part about all of this is that he is not sure if he needs to take a dump or if he just needs to fart, he knows he has to take a piss. He’s read that when you die your body will relax and it’ll all just flow out of you and Nicky gave him these pants so he feels bad but he also does not want to face his death without pants. If he needs to take a shit then they’re definitely going to be absolutely ruined, if it’s a fart well…Andrew can’t kill him any further? He can mutilate his corpse a little but FF won’t be around to experience it.

No matter what he’s definitely going to piss himself. He had way too much water at Sweeties trying to consume the spicy ice cream.

You may be wondering why FF has not run away from his predicament and is walking down these steps without protest or comment or plea for his life.

First of all he is pretty sure that if he makes any sudden movements he will ruin these pants that Nicky bought for him. Second of all Andrew had already told him once that he wouldn’t accept any pleading for mercy he still remembers how he asked Andrew, “Please give me back my pen?” and Andrew had shot him a look that had his stomach cramp and his fingers itch for the bottle sweet pink relief in his backpack.

“I don’t like that word, don’t use it around me.” He said.

FF ever the pragmatic sort, “Which one?” He had asked because he had said a few, “I don’t want there to be a misunderstanding.” He followed up with when Andrew glowered at him only for the glare’s intensity to increase 10 fold.

“Don’t use the first word of your first statement or the last word of your second.” Andrew grit out and got up to leave without a word.

Message received loud and clear Andrew did NOT like words ‘Please’ or ‘Misunderstanding’.

So FF knows that any pleading for mercy would ABSOLUTELY result in Andrew not letting him take a bathroom break before him and Captain Neil make destroying him into a couple activity. The fact that Captain Neil is here is a bit of a shock but maybe Captain Neil has finally gotten the other Freshman Dealer up to snuff.

Maybe Kevin really did want to dissect him to figure out how Strikers keep passing straight to him?

They reach the door at the bottom of the stairs.

Ah, time to face the music.

At least he’d texted Gran that he was going to die when they had gotten into the club and the bathroom had not made itself readily apparent. Sure it was about his current ‘gotta piss / gotta shit’ situation but he’d been wise to keep his cause of death vague in that text.

The door opens and…

This is the NICEST torture chamber FF has EVER seen. (And after his desperation watch of all the Saw movies he has seen quite a FEW)

“Minyard, Josten, and Guest. Table 6 is yours.” A voice comes from the side and when he looks over there’s a man in quite a nice uniform standing behind a soft-lit bar polishing a glass looking every bit like a bar tender at those high-end places you see in movies. He looks around a bit more and there are some other people down here. It’s not quiet per se but it is a comfortable level of noise in comparison to the IQ dropping noise upstairs.

“C’mon Smith.” Andrew juts his chin towards a table in the back.

FF follows but continues to try and fit this nice little room into his world view.

Do these people watch other people get tortured to death for fun on a Friday night? Unlikely considering the upholstery on the booths and chairs looked like it’d stain if blood got on it. Was this perhaps a trafficking location where Andrew would sell off his organs to the highest bidder? He looked at the other patrons who seemed a bit higher class than the general club scene upstairs but not like they had the money to buy one of his kidneys. Maybe-

“Do not tell Nicky about this place, ever.” Andrew says as they slide into the booth. FF nods but can’t help but tilt his head slightly in an unspoken question, “He would absolutely tell any and everyone about it. Eden’s wants to keep this place a secret from the general public.” Andrew explains.

“Nicky currently thinks that there’s a straight swingers club down here.” Captain Neil says with a huff of laughter.

“Eden’s is cool, even though there’s some sick shit in the basement.” Floats through his head again.

What the fuck was a swinger?

His fingers itch for his phone but he’s currently talking with Andrew and Captain Neil so that’d be rude but they’re talking to him like he absolutely knows what a swinger is and he DOES NOT.

“It’s quieter down here. Figured you’d prefer it.” Andrew says as he gets up and heads towards the bar down here where the bartender was aggressively cutting ice chunks.

He and Captain Neil sit in silence for a few seconds before Captain Neil offers him a slight smile, “I know you’d rather be with your grandma and you and Andrew prefer not to say things out loud but we’ve really liked hanging out with you.” Captain Neil says.

????????????????????????????????????????????????

That’s such a nice thing to say to someone.

Especially someone like FF.

Especially especially when they’re planning on killing him?

He hopes his confusion stays off his face as he nods once. “It’s been fun.” It’s not even really a lie. Thanksgiving yesterday had been nice and loud and FF had missed the chaos of a Family Dinner more than he had ever realized. The car ride had been…a time but once he’d asked Andrew to either keep his eyes on the road or let him out Andrew’s hands had stayed at 10 and 2 and the ride had been smooth. Aaron and Nicky’s weight against him had been nice too, a warm memory before he developed a possible life long aversion to whipped cream. He’d gotten to go Black Friday shopping and Captain Neil even helped carry it home for him. Baking bad been nice even if the stress of doing it with his life on the line was less so. The subsequent nap and day spent doing normal college guy things had been…it’d all been nice.

It’s starting to feel like….

“Drink this.” Andrew puts a drink down in front of him.

No Andrew definitely wants his bladder to burst.

“What is it?” He asks instead looking at the creamy looking drink with suspicion.

Andrew rolls his eyes as he hands Neil a fruity looking drink as he sits with what is a few fingers of scotch. “It’s virgin.” Andrew says not answering the question at all and must pick up that FF won’t be drinking it until he gets the full answer because he continues after a moment, “It’s like a Pina Colada but with bananas instead.” Andrew answers.

It’s not that FF hates banana but why in the world would Andrew grab him this? Was it just one of the few virgins options on this place’s fancy menu or-

“Bananas will help get your stomach acid back down.” Andrew says, “Since you’re an idiot and ate that mango ice cream just because you wanted to impress that girl.” He rolls his eyes.

“Impress that girl?” There weren’t any girls at the table and how in the world would him eating that god-forsaken spicy ice cream impress anyone other than Betsy. Even Betsy would only be impressed by the depths he was willing to reach just to avoid what he perceives as an awkward social situation.

“The waitress.” Neil reminds him as if that cleared anything up.

“Yeah,” he says as if he has understood the conversation but he has not. “It was spicy mango.” He says because maybe if he keeps the conversation going he’ll get enough context clues to understand what might be his last conversation.

Andrew let out a huff of laughter and pushed FF’s drink closer to him, “Drink your fancy Banana smoothie Casanova.” He says.

No closer to understanding the conversation he accepts that it might be something that only becomes clear after he sheds his mortal coil and is no longer given a -10 INT debuff by his full bladder and revolting stomach.

He takes a sip.

Oh that’s actually pretty good.

It feels like he can feel it sizzling in his stomach and soothing the discomfort there. Maybe he should look into Banana smoothies as a replacement for what Abby has called a ‘concerning co-dependence’ in regards to Pepto Bismol. No one can put him on a medical watch if it’s just banana smoothies he’s chugging down like they’re going out of style.

“Thanks,” he says, “that was good.” He admits before reaching into his jacket and moving past the Megamind toy and grabbing his wallet. “What do I owe you for that?” He asks.

“We’re even.” Andrew waves away the money.

“You bought the stuff for breakfast, those brownies, and the pie tomorrow.” Neil says and FF blinks surprised to hear that they were talking about the pie he didn’t think he was going to get the chance to make.

“You don’t need to buy a spot with us.” Andrew says and FF leans back slightly at the intensity on Andrew’s face as he says it. “I invited you here because I wanted to. The brownies were good but if you don’t feel like making the pie tomorrow? It’s not like I’m going to drive you back to Palmetto and leave you on Abby’s doorstep.” He says.

FF feels gears start to turn in his head.

“It’s good pie.” He hears himself say.

“I didn’t even know about the pie when I invited you.” Andrew says and…

Andrew and FF sit in silence but honestly it’s not like Andrew’s sharpening his knives. The two of them mostly just do their own work or read. FF has been getting his German literacy up to snuff so that he can read the language when he goes there to visit Nicky’s fiance next year. He likes how serious Andrew is about learning it so that he doesn’t have to ask Captain Neil a thousand questions and it’d be nice if Andrew wasn’t obviously planning on murdering him.

Andrew brings dried apples and sends Captain Neil along with probiotic yogurts to their meetings. Both of those things tend to soothe his stomach and the yogurt that had been unflavored before was now vanilla which he liked a fair bit. It would have been a really nice gesture if it wasn’t for the fact that Andrew was making fun of his tummy troubles.

Andrew will put his foot down in practice sometimes when Kevin is getting too demanding wanting to know exactly how FF intercepted his passes to Neil. Kevin always backs off and Andrew will do the same when Jack starts to get a little too personal in his attacks at FF or when Sheena decides she’s going to be a bitch. It’d be nice if it wasn’t Andrew staking his claim that he was the one who was going to make FF’s life miserable.

Andrew drove FF around for an hour after Greg had shown up. He found out later from one of his friends that Andrew had threatened Greg after he had power walked away into the building. Andrew had driven him around and had only started heading towards the tower when FF had relaxed. It would have been nice if Andrew wasn’t trying to lure him into a false sense of security.

Andrew had invited him to his Family’s house over Thanksgiving when the bad storm had ruined his Thanksgiving plans. Andrew had threatened Jack to stop him from eating his Grandma’s pie and complaining about it. Andrew had stopped messing around with Captain Neil when FF had made it clear he was uncomfortable being in a car where the driver wasn’t paying attention to the road. Andrew had twice made him go to bed in the last couple hours.

It’d be nice if…

“We’ve really liked hanging out with you” Captain Neil had said.

Andrew was just trying to be nice.

Embarrassment rolls over him like a wave but FF has many years of pretending like he’s not going to die from embarrassment, “Thanks for inviting me. I’ll still probably make the pie tomorrow.” He offers.

Andrew’s eyes change slightly and FF is under the impression that he’s happy to hear that.

“Just enjoy your drink Smith.” Andrew says.

FF does go back to sipping his drink and letting more and more memories of things Andrew had done come to him and lets his embarrassment grow.

He finishes his drink and only then realizes that he is a code red in terms of bladder capacity. The new knowledge that this is not a torture chamber but in fact yet another overture of friendship from Andrew paired with his desperation finally loosens the question from his mouth, “Where’s the bathroom here?” He asks.

“There isn’t one downstairs but just head up stairs and hug the wall to the left.” Captain Neil answers.

“Bring your phone. If Frank doesn’t recognize you to let you back in.” Andrew reminds him.

FF nods and heads out of the club and up the stairs.

He might be doing a bit of a potty dance so he forces himself to become unnoticeable because he does not need cool people at a cool club to see him about to piss himself. Once he enters into a stealth mode that the United States Military would like to talk to him about he hugs the wall and nearly cries tears of relief when he sees a door labelled MEN.

He doesn’t think about the possibility of letting up on stealth mode because he is sure that he is about to make a face that he does NOT want any human being to see when he unzips his pants and starts to take the world’s most life-affirming piss on the planet.

As his bladder empties his brain is able to process the understanding that he had come to down in the basement he had thought would be his final resting place.

Andrew has been trying to be nice (and succeeding it was all so nice! He feels like an asshole! He is an asshole! Gran always told him that assuming makes an Ass out of U and Me. He had just thought it was funny grandma humor not valuable life advice!)

The night wasn’t going to end with Andrew’s knife in his stomach, it was probably just going to end with Nicky puking on his shoes (which is fine because these are the shoes Nicky was letting him borrow for the club anyways, they’re his shoes to puke onto.)

A secondary relief fills his system. His stomach, soothed by the Banana smoothie and now this, feels like it might actually let him live through the night.

While FF was distracted with a piss that would have made any number of cult leaders jealous with the number of divine revelations he was experiencing he failed to notice a second man enter the bathroom.

There was a reason that FF always ALWAYS became noticeable when he was at a urinal and the man who came to the urinal right next to him was showcasing that VERY reason.

He was trapped here for at least ten more seconds and he could hear the man grumbling distractedly but didn’t really pay it too much attention until…

“Fucking Wesninski Brat.” He grumbled under his breath.

Oh god dammit.

MASTERPOST FOR ALL PARTS OF FLUENT FRESHMAN AU

Per your requests:

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#Fluent Freshman AU #FINALLY CAN PUT DOWN MY TAGS #You have no idea the number of times that I had to sing hollaback girl to myself during this #It was B-A-N-A-N-A-S #We have now closed the 'Andrew is going to crazy murder me' emotional arc #The 'Oh god if Andrew or Neil find out that I know Russian they're going to stop being my friends and hate me' arc begins #He's gotten a confirmed 3 friends today #And he got to go to the bathroom #He's riding a high #Not only is it 3 friends it is 3 friends who like him enough to invite him to spend the holiday break together #That's so nice #Andrew is so nice #FF cannot BELIEVE he thought Andrew 'eat these dried apples' Minyard was going to stab him #Captain Neil is lucky to have him #Also Andrew is lucky to have Captain Neil #Neil and Andrew are definitely down in the Speakeasy right now enjoying FF's bathroom break #Andrew's ordered FF another round of Banana daiquiri #Andrew: I can't believe he ate that ice cream. His stomach must have been killing him.#Neil: Yeah he was really pale and sweaty until he started drinking that banana drink #Neil: I'm a little worried about Smith finding the bathroom. Maybe I should go up?#Andrew hand on Neil's thigh: he'll be fine. We can go look if he's not back in 10.#AFTG AU #AFTG OC #AFTG #AFTG Shitpost #AFTG Fic #My Fic #Andreil #FF - Pt.18

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brother-emperors · 10 months

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THE BROTHERS SFORZA

augh. there sure is a lot going on between them. tfw you know your older brother is wary of you so you have to navigate that fine line of proving you're useful, but not dangerously so. tfw your younger brother has the potential to be a knife in your back, but he's your brother. don't think too hard about what happened with the galeazzo. unfortunately, you're both visconti as well as sforza, and the visconti were prone to conspiracy. fucking RIP.

this definitely won't be upsetting years down the line when ascanio is near death and ludovico will be desperate to figure out how to bring his brother's body back to milan so ascanio can be interred in the same place as ludovico's recently deceased wife, beatrice d'este, and where ludovico himself has been haunting in a perpetual state of grief.

& the background of the first panel are public domain scans of two cards out of the visconti-sforza tarot deck.

Ascanio Maria Sforza: la parabola politica di un cardinale-principe del Rinascimento, Marco Pellegrini

#ABSOLUTELY BANANAS PHRASING abt one of these paragraphs btw #'metafora della sottomissione del figlio al padre' okay!! like going into that dynamic with your older brother is so. sooooooooooooo #like it makes sense. this is a dynast family. the father is dead. the eldest son was assassinated.#so now your older brother who was not the eldest brother WOULD assume the father-head of household role #and in the case of an emergency. you would fall into place as his right hand #which was. which was formerly occupied by your mother. and your older sister to the assassinated brother. so. WELL #that IS how you would prove you were useful to the state-household. it's just that.#NOBILITY IS SO FUCKING INSULAR ALL THE TIME. christ #the claustrophobia of being suspicious of your brother but having to rely on him #better to follow the plan your parents and eldest brother had in mind and marry him off to the church #italian renaissance tag #ascanio sforza #ludovico sforza #komiks tag #drawing tag #anyway eventually i'll figure out an art style i like for the renaissance cast. i think im getting close #but AUGH im still missing that feeling of 'yes. good.' im leaning towards the dead lineweight tho. that feels Right.

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coolnonsenseworld · 1 year

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I wanted to say that outside of semantics and divisions - I am simply happy to find communities that welcome with kindness - that welcome you by a good heart and not the ability to conform. I am happy for the opportunity to be surrounded by people who care. It's a funny world we live in - making the same mistakes over and over, multiplying the same suffering by billions. I don't think I hope for an utopia anymore, I don't think such a thing exists - but you can't call me hopeless either. And that's what matters.

As a side note - this piece is set in DanceAU, which might be better known to Patrons so far, but still it was the best and most fitting option for this occasion..... also there are 12 DanceAU pieces incoming, because I might be making another calendar so. get familiar with these mutts

#klance #voltron legendary defender #klance fanart #priDEMONth #you know there is always so much happening idk what to add in the tags #i made banana bread yesterday and almost burned the kitchen (right after i asked myself how bad can it be?) i am not kidding #and then burned my arm twice trying to avoid a burn which is top ten ways to get them #its okay tho it doesnt hurt anymore #there was also my nameday which I forgot about and had a headache thorough #also when i was drawing i was considering that lance is maybe a bit too tall on this piece #he IS taller but bending like that with keith standing straight?#i mean gay?#idk about that #but i decided not to worry danceau always has heels for that #i also have been so deep in wirting hex if you dont know whats hex dw you shouldnt #but i have this love hate relationship with it everyone knows it its a sinusoid #im on my happy phase with it lately #no one jinx it it better last #all i wanted was bamf rescues and cliche tropes and now im trying to do them justice in 200 thousand words or less idk why #they could have been just fighting demons and cuddling #either way happy pride once again!!

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thyandrawrites · 7 months

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Trying to take good pictures of my kuroken amigurumi and having to concede halfway through that Kuroo just isn't as photogenic as Kenma dhhdjdj His emo bangs stubbornly want to cast a shadow on his face. Seems fitting 😂

Anyway, this Kenma is probably my favourite from my mini sitting chibis series. And Kuroo came out a bit derpy but, given his hairstyle, it could've been a lot worse I guess :') What do you all think?

Friendly reminder that if you like what I do and wish to support me in my yarn buying and pattern making, you can buy me a coffee here!

#Kuroken #Kozume kenma #Kuroo tetsurou #Haikyuu #Kenma kozume #Tetsuro kuroo #Crochet #Crochetblr #Would you believe it if I said kenma's hair was harder than kuroo's?#The hardest thing for kuroo was figuring out the placement of his crest #But kenma... Gosh I had to redo his hair twice and then the banana peels didn't want to line up #It seems like a straightforward hairdo right? AND YET

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aquanutart · 10 months

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After saving the land before them Zelda and link were tied and they need to sleep. So they went on there Horse to the Village to Link’s house. As Zelda was so happy she was also glad to know that all that had happened was all in the past.

Zelda was so happy to not be in the Castle trying to stay awake. Everything was fine now she was with Link. When they got about 4 hours away Zelda saw that there were some people out in the distance. She had not seen people in forever she said to link to set up camp for the night and she would go talk to the people and she would come back with some food so they could cook.

Link looked at the people in concern I will be fine just go set up camp he nodded his head. Zelda loved to see the blue sky and the birds and the sway of the grass she never wanted to it to end. When she started talking to the people they were a little of but she just thought that they were excited to see her they just offered bananas to her. All at once she remembered that Link told her about a Yiga clans they would look like a normal person but they were not.

she screamed “Link” he came running at full speed and right on time the Yiga clan members were not the week kind but the much harder to kill ones. One did have a bow though Link killed the one with a sword first but the one with a bow was so fast Link told Zelda to run back to camp she didn’t want to leave him alone but she went behind a big rocks and hid.

Zelda Hurd nothing but a sweet sound of a little bird chirping in the distance. Then she heard a scream it sounded like a link she ran all the way to him the Yiga was not dead but it retreated because it has fulfill its duties. It had shot Link right in the chest with his bow 4 times he was wheezing and gasping for air. Link grabbed two of the arrows and pulled them out. Zelda squinted with fear she knew that it needed to be tended to right away. But all she had was bananas and a small cloth she was watching him grab the other two arrows and he was pulling them out. He Was in a great amount of pain. She tried to talk to him for the very first time she said “ we need to get you to a stable first but we then will rush to Hatnao village”. Link tried to speak but the pain took over.

“shh you need to save your strength right now” Zelda said. She could tell that he Was in A lot of pain. Blood started to turn his clothes red and Zelda new that she will need to hurry or he wouldn’t make it! she said to him can you get on the horse he said. I-can try-to get on…. She was getting so worried that he wouldn’t be able to make it. She helped him get on the horse and they started to ride.

after about an hour or so it started to get worse they were about 20 minutes away from the staple. And he fell off his horse Zelda jumped off and rushed to the side. He was Groaning with pain as much more blood came out. At this time he was as white as the cloud He was barely breathing and struggling when he was. They finally got to a stable she found some cloth and wiped off the wound with some water. He was wincing with pain she didn’t want it to be painful but she wanted to be clean.

she turned one of the horses in so they could ride together in and he can rest. Zelda did not notice how much blood he had Lost buddy was struggling because of the blood loss they were almost to the village about only 30 minutes away when it started to get worse blood was rushing out now and Zelda was worried. The time before his eyes were open but his eyes started the clothes slowly.

Zelda knew it had to be because of blood loss or was that the reason she turned around and stop the horse she put her hand to Link’s for head he had a very high fever. She knew that the fever was going to cause some pain and some discomfort but she knew she had to get to the village that was all of her concern. when she made it to the village people came running out of their houses link was not awake anymore so They took him to his house and laid him down on the bed. Zelda fell asleep on the bedside Well they tend to his wounds.

She was still very worried for him but than her friend pura came in she said check it her normal thing she looked at link and said what happened Zelda explain to the story as pura made some food on the stove for when he woke up and fore them of course. They talked for hours then Link woke up wai-r am I… don’t worry you’re in your house he fell back asleep after about 20 minutes he was obviously exhausted from blood loss and a fever. After he was all better and able to walk again I Zelda and him continue their adventures as one! The end. Thank you so much for your kindness and your help for your love and kindness always gives me energy.❤️❤️❤️ I just want to ask if you can draw like a little seen out of this you are such an inspiration to me 😊

Hello! Thank you for all your kind words!! I'm really happy if I can give you energy; thank you for all your kindness and positivity as well! I always see you tagging people just to say nice things to them; it's really sweet and always makes me smile! 😊😊💖

Thank you so much for sharing your story! I really enjoyed reading it!! I don't take requests, but I did imagine this based on your story! (I'm sorry if it's not exactly what you had in mind!)

#legend of zelda #botw #zelink #zelda #link #aquanutart #replies #long post #blood #I hope there's always someone looking after you as well as zelda is taking care of link! 💖#I read your recent post and I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through 😭#I'm wishing for you to be well and that you keep doing everything you love! you deserve to always have people who care by your side!#I feel so glad that Zelda doesn't have to worry now that she's with Link and they can share the house in Hateno Village!#At least it seemed so peaceful but then--?!! It's sweet that Link tells her to get to safety while he rushes to protect them both! 😭#I was really worried about Link when the Yiga shot him so many times!!!#and Zelda only had bananas and a small cloth! That's not enough to treat such severe wounds oh no!!!#he pulled all those arrows out himself?!!! no wonder he was in such a great amount of pain! OUCH that sounds horrible!!! 😭😭😭#treating a wound hurts but Zelda's right it's more important for it to be clean!#the wound sounds so painful I'm so worried about him.. poor zelda wondering if he's going to make it! 😭#and now he has a fever too oh no?!! I can feel what a rush theyre in when they arrive at the village; Zelda thinking only of getting there!#HE'S OKAY!!! I'm so relieved he was able to recover from that incredible amount of blood loss!! 😭😭😭#I hope Zelda will stay by his side and hold his hand while he recovers! I love that they continue their adventures together!!#I'm so glad there was a happy ending! Thank you for sharing your story! I've never gotten an ask like this before!

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macroglossus · 6 months

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in retrospect it’s kind of funny how ed treatment centers are like “we will teach you how to have a normal relationship with food ❤️ we will begin by classifying anything anyone has ever done in regards to consuming food as an ed behavior. you can’t mix food on your plate or we will take it away and force you to drink the most nauseating meal replacement shake in the world that tastes like if cardboard hated you! oops looks like you have some salad dressing left in the portion cup….. drink it! yeah, the straight up dressing! this is a normal thing that normal people do when they didn’t pour half a cup of dressing on a salad the size of their palm :) if you don’t drink an entire mouthful of straight salad dressing, uh oh! the meal replacement shake from hell! the water is consistently tepid because they never refrigerate it but you’re not allowed more than two ice cubs :( hey for breakfast we have you marked down for two frozen waffles with five tablespoons of nut butter each! once again, this is how regular people interact with food ❤️”

#like. girl. putting peanut butter on a banana is not a BEHAVIOR do you want me to spoon em up separately?????#and my place was notoriously lenient!!!!!! insane!!!#emetophobia tw for tag ahead btw #i never drank the ensure bc someone kept drinking it too fast on purpose so they’d get sick. always right in front of me. yayy #which was extremely awful!! but that meant that i always just had to sit in complete silence for five minutes at the table with the #attending just. looking at me. no convo allowed which is HELL

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jlf23tumble · 11 months

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I think the fact they have this obscene amount of money allows me to believe they're still together. In spite of their crazy schedules that keep them continents apart, this does not mean they don't see eachother all the time. Traveling for them is not like us poor people. They don't have to arrive at the airport 3 hours before flight with layovers in random cities. They can get chauffeured direct to a private jet that in hours flys them to wherever the other one is.

About them not being photographed together, well we don't get pictures of what could be their actual relationships either. Unless you think Brad and Harry are a thing?

This is just BEGGING for a toilet shot, but I'm gonna let it slide for a quick sec because this is what I mean, this is where it all starts tilting into ao3 land, only from 10 years ago. For sure, they have a shit ton of money, they could fly anywhere, but is that what's really happening? Like, if you had to weigh the options of what's going on when you see one in one city, the other in another one, there's a five-hour-plus time difference or whatever, they're spotted with multiple people in whatever place they're meant to be in, but you're still clinging to the idea that private jets are whisking them into a city, 100000% unspotted/unnoticed, then back again xx hours later?? Like, constantly and consistently? Reminds me of the old days (well, I guess the current days for some) and the lack of object permanence, ooh, we haven't seen Harry in 24 hours, he's OBVIOUSLY in [insert name of city where Louis's on tour], waiting in a hotel room. Uh oh, turns out he was working on some other project we didn't know about because we aren't on his team or sharing his google calendar? Doesn't matter, he wasn't unspotted on main for an hour, ipso facto, he was with Louis!

Look, if everything else was lining up, all the other points that are spelling out in this precise moment that this isn't rock-solid #husbands, #theyneverbrokeup, maybe I could buy it, but it isn't! And since you asked, I think Brad's actually a symbol of something much, much sadder (at least in the story in my own mind), but rather than getting up in google's ass to track flights to prove that Harry's somehow magically teleporting into Boston or wherever, yeah, I sure would rather read someone's riDICKulous bradrry proof post, it beats the new spin on the ole airport trickeroo of yore

#i feel confident that it's pretty coucou bananas ESPECIALLY when you're talking long-haul international flights #but go on and write that story!#there's literally nothing wrong with a messy story of on again/off again #it could go on again someday!#faith in the future innit #but it's also okay to just admit that it isn't 2014 anymore #that you have no fucking clue #that you never did--you just thought so because you had 24/7 access for about 5 years #and you don't anymore!#people grow and change and shit happens #this isn't YOUR romance #it's okay to sit back and let it play out rather than just fantasize about the carbon damage these 2 MIGHT be doing to live a fic #makes me think of that whole doja cat brew ha ha happening right now

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