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ao731 · 3 years

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Ever since I was little, I’ve had trouble sleeping. At best I get 4 hours of sleep. And when I do get some REM sleep... my dreams are weird. I’m a believer that your dreams can tell you about yourself. But somethings...I think I’d rather not know.

I work in a hospital now. And as you would expect, its been stressful over the past year. Its caused me to have really intense stress dreams. With how absurd everything has been, sometimes when i wake up... i cant unravel what was real... what was a dream. Sometimes, I call out sick. Too disturbed.... just needeing a mental health day. So i figure i'll write it out here. Worst case, I get it off my chest. Best case, maybe someone can tell me what they think.

So last nights dream started in an apartment. Shaped like one i lived in as a kid. But with all the furniture and colors I’d enjoy as an adult. A pretty yellow kitchen table. A multi-colored rug. Big sailors chests and bigger sofa’s and beds. Cozy and lived in and warm. But I could feel it wasn't my apartment.I’d never been there. It felt so inviting and familiar but new and exciting. A place I wanted to be but hadn't had the chance before.

I was invisible... sometimes this happens in my dreams. I'm watching from an audience perspective, but then it will switch to me being one of the "characters" of the dream. If I dont get to far into the dream. If its closer to one of those 4 hours of sleep days, then sometimes I can control it.

So I’m invisible and I’m a man. I'm a bisexual cis-female irl but in my dreams I'm male sometimes. IDK why, I don't really stress my gender identity or sexuality much. Maybe I’m wrong about my labels but its w.e.. I dont try to change those things in my dreams. Sometimes I’m a woman, sometimes a man. Whats important is that usually in my dreams I’m fixing something. My waking life is always fixing something and it bleeds into the dreamscape. I realize that this is so unlike my usual dreams. There is no anxiety. No task. I’m just looking around this nice space and I’m at peace.

So I’m male this time and invisible. And I’m not the only one here. I realize there a man in the kitchen. I know him and I’m so happy to see him. I start watching my "boyfriend." But I don't have a boyfriend IRL. When I wake up later I will realize he looks like Kieran Culkin from Scott Pilgrim. I’ll find it strange bc I’ve never had a crush on him. Barely ever seen him. The last time I saw Scott Pilgrim, I was crashing at my sisters house. Nursing a New Year Hangover. We had drank wine and I hadnt had to fix a thing. Rare peace. When I’m awake I will think maybe that peaceful hungover feeling had something to do with it. That space of clinging onto a night of tingling skin and loose limbs and quietly watching a movie is why I’ve used this man’s face.

So anyway, I’m invisi-stalking my boyfriend. Lets call him Not-Kieran. He's looking hella stressed. He knows I want to come over later to see him. Hes frantically cleaning. But in a way I’m comfortable with bc I come from a "We cant let anybody know we SIT" family yet we NEVER invite ppl over. Anyway, I’m watching him clean and I’m just so happy just looking at him. I’m amused at first that he thinks i deserve all the trouble of cleaning but then i start getting concerned for him.

He's mumbling to himself. Smacking his palms against his head every so often. Apparently his coworkers and family are stressing him. Not-Kieran is not Out to them. This comes as a shock to me. It feels wrong hearing his secrets. But i stay invisible. i don’t choose this. i don’t have control over it. He wants our relationship to be more serious but cant tell anyone about me. he seems so upset and i want to comfort him. i don’t want to be invisible anymore but i cant become a character. Something is stopping me. Something does not want me to interfere. I can feel it in my chest. Something bad is going to happen. i stroke his face and tell him its ok. i love him and i don't need him to change things for me. i don’t want him to feel pressured. i want to tell him, that i just want him to be happy. but I’m nothing but a ghost to him.

Then Not-Kieran starts talking to someone at the door. I cant see them. But I know they are aggressive. I’m nervous and upset as they start to yell at Not-Kieran. From what i can make out they are saying he's becoming agoraphobic. How didn’t I realize this. Everything seems fine when we are together. But I have trouble remembering what together is really like. I just know for some reason this feels wrong. This feels surprising. The Man at the door knows something is wrong with my boyfriend. They know something before I do. How does he know when I dont. They know something is wrong with my boyfriend. But they don’t know what. They are tired of waiting to find out.

They come inside and I still cant see their face. No. They dont have a face. Just a space where a face should be. A place I instinctively know I should not look at. They come inside and they are still yelling. Still aggressing by boyfriend. He’s accusing him of being sick. Or is my Boyfriend admitting he’s sick. I cant make sense of the argument. I get the impression that something is changing about Not-Kieran. He’s not physically different just something is dark in his eyes. Something is tilted in the way he holds himself. Something is sharp in the way he gestures with his hands. He’s not the gentle often worried person I know him to be.

Then shit gets real.

Not-Kieran picks up a knife and stabs the Man Without a Face. He keeps going. There is blood everywhere. But there was blood there before. Why didnt I notice there was blood everywhere before. He wont stop stabbing him...then he stops using the knife....He starts using his hands....his teeth. There’s blood everywhere. My boyfriend is covered in this man’s blood and organs. He’s ripping into this man who knew something was wrong before I did. Then he stops. He stops and says “Oh not again”

He pulls up the sunny yellow kitchen table cloth and theirs a body underneath. Warm. No. Not a body...body parts. He removes the cushions on the sofa and reveals more body parts. He doesnt open the chests. The freezer against the far wall. I know. I know whats in them.

What happened to my boyfriend. I’m not repulsed by him. I’m not disgusted. There is blood everywhere but I keep trying to look in his eyes as he flutters around the room. Hands smack against the sides of his head. “Oh, not again...oh not again.” such a soft sweet voice. And why does it still feel like something bad is going to happen. That feeling in my chest. It wont go away. How could anything be worse then this? My boyfriend is a murderer. No, no. Something is wrong with him. Something changed him. I dont want to believe he could do this but his hands are covered in blood. I cant rub away the splatter across his cheek. The darkness has left his eyes but I know it could return.

How can this be a surprise when somehow I know these old bones. Like flashes. Little movie clips, Sepia toned reels of eat part in the pile. Each person they once were. I know what he’s done. Know he’s been doing this for a long time. Somehow I know he eats them. Days after the kill, like a feral animal in the woods finding a carcass. Know the things he denies. He likes holding a piece thats cold against his tongue. He likes putting the pieces, the parts that used to be a person, into neat little piles and licking at warm blood.

Until he remembers he’s a man. Until he remembers that something has happened to him. That he is diseased and he cant go out. Can’t go out and shouldnt invite anyone in. Ever. Until he remembers and he cries. The kind of cries that wrack his body. He pulls at his hair. Smears more blood across his cheek and he cries. Cries like a child. Wet and weak. Like his body is hollow and he cant stop. He cant stop crying he cant stop smearing blood. The blood is everywhere and it always has been.

His hair has grown out. It’s suddenly days later. I’ve never been invisible this long. Never been a ghost this long. Never had to witness someone else’s sins this long. Never been powerless to stop his hand from shaking. He’s sitting in a pile of body parts. Trembling, he chews on them. And lays them out into piles. Then changes the order of the pile again and again. Chewing, arranging, crying. I still want to tell him...It’s ok, I just want you to be happy. Maybe my body feels the horror, feels repulsed by him. Maybe my body is sick but I’m a ghost and I still love him.

He beings to speak again. Just the same small and sweet tone he uses with me. But he cant see me. Can’t feel me touch his face. He’s talking to someone else here. I turn and sitting on a chair is a corpse. Its dry and burnt black. Skin like a dehydrated mushroom. Yet wet in places like something pulled from a swamp. It’s hair is twisted and matted hanging limply around a shriveled face. Nude and yet it’s body is so barely recognizable. Was it a woman. A man. Maybe I’m not supposed to know. It has no hands or feet. Just gestures with its stumps as it answers him. It speaks to him so lovingly. I know this man...this creature...though I’ve never seen them before. They werent in the perverse reel of carnage and cannibalism. I know him anyway and I know they love him. Do they love him just as much as I do?

They’ve been here the whole time. Saw him with the Man With No Face. Saw him with countless others. He’s been here the whole time. But I didnt see him. I didnt see the blood. I didnt see this man that loves my lover. But I get the impression that he’s seen me. That he sees me still. His eyes have no pupil no color. Just a midnight dark orb in a shrunken skull. But those eyes turn in my direction as he speaks to Not-Kieran. Speaks in a soft lovely voice. Soothes him til he stops crying and beings to clean up the piles that were ppl. Speaks calmly and warm as my boyfriend rubs blood off his cheek.

The Shriveled man in the chair knows I still love him. He knows I know his secrets now. Knows I will be by this afternoon just for the chance to touch his face.

#dreams #nightmare #horror #stories #original work #based on a dream i had #turned into something else #feel free to leave criticism #feel free to ask questions about the original dream #fiction #cannibalism #blood #kieran culkin #gender identity #gothic romance #stress dreams #potentially triggering #trigger warning #gore

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wrciteoff · 3 years

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⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Split them however you want among all our characters interacting. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐

For each “⭐️” I get, I’ll write a headcanon about our muses. // @xviperinae

Oh boy. Buckle in hens, we’re in for a long ride. if you thought i wasn’t going to go all out you were strongly misled. under a read more bc..... there is a lot.

Jacks & Viper

⭐️ There is VERY little that Jacks wouldn’t do for Viper. It’s been so long since he’s felt any form of connection from another person that Jacks probably clings a little too tightly to that.

⭐️ Whiskey has taken on a secret meaning between them for ‘i’m sorry’. After a fight or if the other is reopening an old wound in themselves a bottle of whiskey is soon bought to the scene. It’s not that they can’t verbalise those two words to each other but they’re both stubborn and sometimes ‘i’m sorry’ is easier to hear when it’s not said out loud.

⭐️ Jacks WOULD hide a body/cover up a crime scene for Viper. But he would also probably vomit...a lot. And pass out. And honestly at some point you’ve just got to admit that whilst the THOUGHT is there practically speaking he would just be a god damn liability.

⭐️ Because of the scarring(or rather the implications of the scars) Jacks doesn’t like holding hands. That being said Viper is the one person he will reach across and give her hand a gentle squeeze sometimes. It’s never a long touch and only on the rare occasions he feels its needed but it IS there. She’s also the one person he wouldn’t flinch his own hand away from if she reached for his.

⭐️ Jacks doesn’t realise Viper’s crush on him but if he did oh hens my heart is weak because he would be so SOFT and capable of more gentleness than he knows. it would mean so much to Jacks to let Viper know that even though he can’t return her affections in that particular way he LOVES her, completely and unconditionally. man, i get real emotional over this every time we talk about it but jUST. he loves her so much ok so v much and like a lil gentle hand squeeze when he realises and a ‘i get it. it’s gonna be tough to find someone prettier than me’ but also a ‘but god, look at you, you’re beautiful and you’re gonna find someone so much better’

Estela & Viper

⭐️ Every year for Christmas Estela goes ENTIRELY over board on decorations. Everything has to match a particular colour theme and each ornament has to reflect the light in a CERTAIN way. It is a complete ordeal that extends throughout the December months. Despite this Viper is allowed ONE decoration on the holy shrine for a tree and undoubtedly it’s like a miniature Tennessee whiskey bottle or something that she just knows Estela is going to hate. And Estela just accepts it. Because. GOD. If this isn’t the woman she loves.

⭐️ One year Viper bought Alejandro a Christmas jumper. but like, a real weird knitted turtle neck type deal with snowmen and robins on it and Estela found it the most hilarious thing she’d seen all year and every year on Christmas eve they put it this solemn 100 pound Doberman.

⭐️ Following from that with other doggy head canons, Viper is the only person Alejandro relaxes around beyond Estela. It took a fair amount of time before the guard dog realised Viper was the OPPOSITE of a threat. But now on quiet evenings he’ll even rest his giant head on her lap.

⭐️ Estela feels TREMENDOUS guilt over her feelings for Viper. Knowing that her selfishness is putting Viper’s life and health in jeopardy leaves a permanently bitter taste in her mouth.

( perhaps that’s why it’s so unfair that Vipers kisses taste so sweet. )

⭐️ Estela’s love for Viper is subtle but also entirely obvious if you know where to look. It’s in the slight shifts of movements that follow Viper’s, aware of the others motions without having to look. Or the way her gaze lingers a little too long, always captivated, hooked on whatever Viper is doing.

⭐️ cliché but Estela steals Vipers clothes...... a lot.

⭐️ Viper is the only person who can make Estela blush. And this was going to be a stand alone point because let’s face it, we love to see it. But also Viper is the only person who can make Estela snort with laughter or cry in an argument or leave her jaw aching from smiling. Viper is the only person who makes Estela act human.

Mila & Viper

⭐️ Mila finds herself drawn towards Viper’s aura whilst also being disconcerted by it. She finds it entirely difficult to get an accurate read on just who Viper is from energy alone. At some point I feel as though Mila would abandon her ‘sight’ and trust Viper for how she presents herself. Although the collateral fall out from that if Mila ever did discover Viper’s occupation would be... uh oh.

⭐️ Still kind of relating onto that point !! (my bad. it’s just a v interesting dynamic ok !!) Mila is very black and white on morality. She would/will/does trust Viper implicitly and entirely naively as an older sister figure in her life and someone she could admire and depend upon. And that black and white stance would be entirely challenged and crumbled upon realising that whilst she is safe with Viper that doesn’t mean everyone else is safe around Viper either.

⭐️ I like to think that maybe Mila’s seen little flashes of Viper in the corner of some of her visions. A strand of hair or a familiar gait. Little flickers that wouldn’t quite add up unless she knew that Viper had been at the heart of some of those deaths.

⭐️ Softer head canon to end on but Mila defo still has that umbrella. It’s one of her favourites now. Nobody tell her where Viper got it from, I mean it - NO one.

Lex & Martin

⭐️ Yeets these two in here because i am weak. but martin got to meet lex in such a rarely vulnerable state that already there is a very fragile flammable bridge of trust between them. Martin got to see lex as an actual KID. A scared little boy that wanted his mum or his dad or anyone at all. and don’t get me wrong, a huge amount of trust comes from the fact that Martin is (beautiful n lovely n too pure) gentle and just happens to be there at the right time but ALSO he sounds like the kid’s home and he sounds like safety n im gonna cry now ty

⭐️ Lex lashes out A LOT at martin before he really gets to know him. his dad always taught him that doctors were bad news and he feels exposed that the first time they met he was so vulnerable. but martin just?? responds with honesty and gentleness always and lex ??? needs that. and in a matter of months the kid looks up to him and wants to be more like him.

⭐️ lex absolutely wouldn't know how to express love especially when it borders on parental so he just leaves the weirdest gifts for martin. the WEIRDEST. a tube of fruit pastels. a dying house plant. a funky looking bone that he found the other day. the gifts make little to no sense but the fundamental binding feature is that NONE are stolen. he saves up scraps and pennies to make martin proud rather than steal something on the side.

⭐️ i know we talked about this over discord but my fave unofficial headcanon is that if/when lex ever finds out that Martin isn’t technically Scottish his brain would just ??? implode. the singular brain cell would just ... frazzle. would pretend to understand but the inside of his brain would just be ( X )

#;;xviperinae #praying that this readmore works bc i will weep if it hasnt #ok but it is shocking and tragic bc i couldve kept going. c'mon jamie u gotta find your chill here #(Jacks&Viper;; Im fine being a person because I got to meet you.)#(Estela&Viper;; So tell me why my Gods look like you.)#;;lex;headcanons #;;mila;headcanons #;;estela;headcanons #;;jacks;headcanons

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