not to beat a dead horse but jesus christ can you just leave people alone in public bathrooms i just want to fucking piss girl i'm so tired of feeling anxious and trying to avoid using public bathrooms because of how fucking weird cis people are about it. i tried to go into the bathroom at work today (i have worked here for years) and this woman who has worked here for two weeks and doesn't know me laughed and tried to like. steer me in the direction of the men's toilet instead and was like "wrong way!" are you fucking kidding me fuck off

Here's a bit more fandom history for everyone.

It's been a long time since I've heard this incident talked about, but I guess turtles are reminiscing a bit about the kind of things GG's fans subject him to, and this has come back up.

Back in 2019 when GG was in Nanjing for The Untamed fan meet, a hotel staff member left this adorable Jianguo pillow with a little note 'from Jianguo' wishing him success with the concert. GG clearly enjoyed it because he posted it on his Oasis.

At first shrimps were enjoying it because they assumed it was a shrimp who'd done it, but when they realized it was a turtle they freaked out and launched a major cyberbullying campaign against the turtle and flooded the hotel with hundreds of phone calls complaining and trying to get her fired. Some of them threatened to keep calling the hotel every day and overwhelm the phone lines until she was fired.

GG had no choice but to delete the photo. He replaced it with a solid black image, and put the line, "post whatever you want" in his profile.

Just imagine how awful he must have felt, that his fans attacked and harassed a sweet fan who'd made him a lovely gift, nearly getting her fired - all from a post he made showing his appreciation for this cute, thoughtful gift.

If you wonder why GG and DD don't acknowledge turtles and why GG hasn't mentioned XFX by name in years, this is a bit of a clue as to why. GG especially has a lot of reason to be wary of being too personal and open with fans (and no doubt 227 didn't help with that at all). GG and DD know that acknowledging turtles will only harm them and lead to more hate and war from solos.

And GG has repeatedly said - including in his statement on the anniversary of 227, which was the first time he made a direct personal statement about it - that he doesn't believe anyone should identify as "I am ___'s fan."

"I want to tell my fans, everyone has the right to like and hate. No matter if you like or hate, it should be respected and allowed in their own spaces. Of course, this right should be based on rationality and not hurting other people, while following accurate values. I hope that my fans can understand that no matter what field or age, your personal likes and actions shouldn't cross the line or go against that field's ethics or morals. No matter if it's on the Internet or in real life, everyone should be responsible for their own actions. Even more, hope that none of us should be represented by the label 'xxx's fan.'"

GG realizes something that XFX can't seem to get through their heads: when you speak of "fans of Xiao Zhan," that is not synonymous with "XFX," no matter how much they would like everyone to believe that they're his only fan group. Actually, turtles are GG's fans also, as are all people who love and support GG, regardless of how they identify themselves and regardless of how deep or casual is their appreciation for him.

So pretty much ever since this era, and especially after 227, you never hear GG refer to his solo fandom by name. And I don't think that's because he has contempt or disregard for them (although I don't doubt he must harbor 'feelings' about everything they've put him through), rather I think it's because he wants to be inclusive toward all of his supporters, and not let it be thought that he doesn't appreciate everyone, regardless of 'affiliation'.

okay, fuck it. let's talk about remorse. more specifically, the lack of it

there was a post going around a while ago that claimed that izaya couldn't possibly have aspd, because he feels remorse, and its simply so subtle that it's hard to pick up on, and he simply hides it to maintain his image. given that this post is a jab at me and my work, i feel no guilt nor will feel remorse over jabbing right back.

(especially since, if you pay attention to the wording of the post and OP themselves, it's clear that they had a... certain other neurodiverse headcanon for izaya, and was for some reason mad at me for having a different one)

(but i digress)

let's talk remorse.

first of all, the "lack of remorse" criterion isn't, as some might be tempted to think, the most important "hallmark" symptom of aspd. let's break down how disorders are diagnosed!

in the DSM, disorder symptoms are classed into criteria. these criteria are sometimes grouped together. here's the criteria list for ASPD in the dsm-5-tr, the most current version;

under group A, we have the standard "this is what the disorder is like, and these are the symptoms of it. you need X amount to have this disorder." the criteria listed in groups B, C, and D are on their own because they are required for diagnosis. if the lack of remorse criterion was truly SO important that it was the hallmark of the disorder, the one symptom that sets it apart from all cluster B disorders, then it would be in its own group like those 3 criterion! but it's not, because while it's the symptom most people associate with aspd, it's not the hallmark of the disorder, nor is it explicitly required for diagnosis.

in fact, the main Thing about aspd is, uh, right there actually- a pervasive pattern of disregard for the rights of others. in layman's terms, aspd is categorized by a consistent behavior pattern of treating other peoples' boundaries, wants, needs, and human rights, as trivial. this overall behavior pattern is then identified by specific actions or feelings the patient has- hence the criteria.

i could end this post here, honestly- who cares if izaya does or doesn't feel remorse? it's not needed for diagnosis, and it's izaya's whole thing to violate the rights of others- he consistently treats people as his playthings, wether or not they want him to (usually not!) he disregards others' feelings (the suicidal girls come to mind wrt this) and is incredibly reckless with both his life and the lives of others. it's kind of a done deal!

but i won't because i have more to say!

so. izaya. remorse. he feels it, but keeps it hidden. he represses it. and honestly, he always has some justification or another for whatevet it is he's doing. his targets had it coming because they're monsters. or stupid and cowardly. or had it coming. or it doesn't matter because he's a god amongst men. BUT- he does feel remorse! ASPD cured!!!!!!!!!!!!

guys i hate to tell you this, but i've felt remorse before. sparingly, but i have. i am a Person With ASPD from Real Life, i've been diagnosed professionally and even had multiple second opinions check and re-check, to the point that it became a running gag. i, without a shadow of a doubt, have antisocial personality disorder. And I Have Felt Remorse.

(my verdict is it sucks and is terrible and i have no idea how you people do it. yall need like, medals or something)

because, as you might have noticed... a lack of feeling remorse isn't actually the only thing listed. now, a lot of websites don't actually list the second half of the criterion, they just say "lack of remorse" with no elaboration. it's hard to find a website with the proper informatiom on it, especially if you haven't read the dsm to see the full criteria list, so you don't know what you're looking for. truly, i don't blame laypeople for not knowing this- it's not easy to find short of going to the source itself

but if you're writing long posts filled with "facts" about a disorder that you do not have, you better make damn sure your facts are right lest you spread misinformation.

(hell, i HAVE the damn thing and i make sure i'm as accurate as possible, because i acknowledge that Having The Disorder isn't a ticket to immidiate expertise. but imo it's especially egrigious when you don't have it)

but, the criterion itself is defined as "being indifferent to or rationalizing" harmful actions. Or Rationalizing. you can feel remorse as much as you want, but if you stomp it down with justifications about how you were right, it still counts!

and finally, the name of the game with diagnosis of any disorder is consistency. if someone can make their abuser cry because of them and feel no remorse, that's not aspd. that's just a special case. if someone can make anybody cry because of them and feel no remorse, that's aspd.

similarly, if someone can make most people cry because of them and feel no remorse, with one- or maybe two- exceptions, that's... still aspd. because the behavior expressed most consistently is a lack of remorse. one or two exceptions to the rule don't suddenly make you not have aspd, especially if you have multiple other symptoms. (in fact, in some aspd circles people do talk about having "exceptions," kind of like the aspd version of a pwBPD's favorite person. pwaspd feeling remorse or otherwise not meeting criteria in incredibly specific circumstances is in fact a documented phenominon. once again, this happened to me and i've been diagnosed multiple times over. were all those doctors wrong, or does aspd just not work like you thought it did?)

izaya consistently represses most of his more vunerable feelings. that's another one of his main things. if remorse is included in this, which it would be given the pattern, then izaya most consistently does not feel (or otherwise accept) remorse. a few slips of the mask here and there, where he can't stomp it down or ignore it, don't change that the most consistent behavior from him is a lack of remorse. in fact, him feeling remorse here and there makes the portrayal of aspd more realistic, imo-

people with aspd are still people at the end of the day, and aspd is just another mental illness. people are varied, mental illnesses present differently in everyone, and people have good days and bad days where symptoms are more or less pronounced. any symptom isn't going to be set in stone in severity or even presence in someone's life- severity of disorder changes with age, someone's circumstances, or even day-to-day, especially with cluster B disorders, where the people who have it are defined as being "dramatic, emotional, or erratic" (pg 735)

things change. people change. mental illness isn't as simple as people think, and aspd isn't as different from other illnesses as you'd think. people with it- including izaya- will have their good days and their bad days and their rare moments where something breaks through the clouds and for one moment, you feel normal, however distressing the feeling may be

that's not proof that the illness was never there. that's just life with it!

I NEEED a part two to that snowball angst

Does Jungkook come back and find her missing?

Do Namjoon and Yoongi come back and find her missing?

Do they go and look for her?

Does she get hurt?

I NEED ANSWERS BONNY!

Something buzzes on your wrist, catching you off guard on the small spot you sit on near the colorfully lightened pond.

[Tag Alert] blinks on the small display of the watch-like hybrid safety device you remember getting when you were given into the care of the company and simultaneously the boys. You know what it means- someone's trying to locate you right now. But who? And why?

Does it matter?

You swing your legs back and forth on the bench, heels hitting the concrete slab beneath every now and then while you drink your sugary sweet drink in your hand. Hoseok would always get that exact one every time he'd go see a doctor for anything needing to be done as a treat of sorts- but you're a big dog now. You can get these all you want now.

You can make up your own treats.

You can hear the soles of someone's shoes scratch over something, before a person drops down the wall behind you, almost slipping a little. "There you are!" Jungkook's familiar voice asks, the only thing apart from his sense that you could identify him by since he's covered by facemask and dark bucket hat. "What're you doing all on your own, hm? Did something happen?" He worries a little, squatting down in front of you with his hands on your knees to look up at your face.

You shake your head. "No." You shrug. "Just wanted to go out. S' all." You say, and he lowers his brows into a frown, visibly not convinced. "How was your date?..was she nice?" You ask, and he seems confused now.

"What date- you mean my physical exam? Same as always, just a bit taller than last year. And yeah, the nurse was nice?" He wonders, until he seems to realize. "Wait- you thought I went on an actual date?" He asks, and you look down into the cup in your hands.

"Doesn't concern me anyway.." you mumble. "You deserve a nice girlfriend and all that." You say, but he shakes his head.

"But I've got you?" He wonders, palms running over your thighs in an attempt to reassure. "I don't need anyone else." The idol tries to clarify.

"I'm on my own." You tell him. "I finished gathering all documents.. n stuff for independent living. I'm pretty sure I'll get it approved." You say, trying to seem excited about it.

"If you.. truly want that, I won't say no. I've got no right to decide that for you." Jungkook offers in a tone that's surprisingly serious. "But don't do it because you think that's needed so we can be happy. I know I'm happiest when you're with me." He explains, and you lower your head.

"I.. you know, maybe, but when you have a girlfriend one day-" you argue, and he chuckles.

"But why a girlfriend?" He wonders.

"Boyfriend, who cares what you wanna go for-" you sigh, and he still smiles with his eyes.

"I wanna go for you." He shrugs softly. "I wanna go out with you. Have you as my girlfriend. I thought I made that pretty obvious?" He smiles, leaning his head to the side.

"I- but I'm a-" you start, though he won't let you finish properly.

"-a very sweet and funny and caring and pretty and lovable little being that I want to have around me all the time." He talks over you. "I don't care about anything but you. Being with you. Just the idea makes me all warm inside." He says. "Do you want that too?" He asks, and you squirm. You do- but at the end you know you can't have what you want. "No, don't think of an answer that'll be what's best for me. I want that answer." He says, poking your heart. "I wanna know what that wants."

"That thing is running on nothing but daydreams and wishful thinking." You sigh. "So that thing is useless."

"Definitely not." He disagrees. "Cause mine beats just as fast as yours does right now. And I think I know why." He cheekily comments.

"Thats all the sugar." You try and avoid it, before he leans closer, pulls down his mask to place a short peck just close to the edge of your lips.

"Hm no, that's not the sugar." He laughs at your scandalized face.

"Jung-" you force yourself to hiss a but quieter. "Jungkook, what if someone sees?!" You worry, and he laughs.

"Then let me take you back home, where you belong." He offers kindly. "Where it's just us, where no one's looking, where you're safe and sound. Please, puppy- don't shut us out like that just because you're scared. Don't shut me out." He says now a bit upset, and you can see the way his eyes shimmer, all round and pleading as they watch you. "I love you."

"I love you too but-" you start, but he instead begins to visibly light up, getting up to grab your hand.

"No buts." He shakes his head, squeezing your hand as he leads you back to his place. "None of that. I love you, you love me too-" he says, swinging your hands a bit,

"-and I won't let anything ruin that for us."

What if Rocket went back in time himself to help the other guardians?

thank you so much for sending this my way, you perfect golden pancake ♡ i've been rolling this around in my head for days now - what a jewel of a thought. there are so many possibilities.

because when all is said and done, i think it's foolish to imagine that rocket didn't figure out how to tame pym particles while he was on terra helping with the snap. by the time the universe was saved and he had his friends back, he'd have figured out where and how to harvest the little subatomic sparks. countless restless nights would have been spent reverse-engineering pymtech.

hell, way back when rocket had first seen the machine tony and bruce had patched together, he'd been intrigued for all of a whole five minutes before identifying at least thirty-six ways he could've improved efficacy. the machine looks all shiny and fancy, but rocket's no stranger to narcissists with big budgets. after all, he knows better than anyone that a rapid-evolution chamber will only make monsters if your glycosylated salts and beta-microseminoproteins ain't right, no matter how many resources you throw at it.

(to be honest, rocket is actually quite annoyed that the avengers - whom he has privately nicknamed the scavengers, after hearing red make a crack about him eating trash - had him and nebs running errands for danvers this whole time. he could've been figuring out better ways to make this whole time-travel situation work, with more precision and less risk of like... running out of pym particles. morons.)

so anyway, point is, once rocket has all most of his friends back (and that's the problem, isn't it), he starts tinkering with pymshit. the guardians eventually settle (more or less) on knowhere and amidst thirty other insomnia-driven projects that include both the bowie and a massive ocular cannon for the skull, rocket's also messing around with pymtech and wakandan nanomachines, and he's marrying them all together in some big, messy, rocket-original creation - complete with duct tape he smuggled off terra.

if anyone had asked - and nobody but nebula does, to be honest - rocket would've told them it was a good thing he'd never had alone-time with doctor strange. he'd heard the stories from pete - about what the time wizard had said. only one possible outcome where we win. well, that's all very well and good for the doctor and his friends. red and stark had chosen to sacrifice themselves.

but what about gamora? she'd never had the frickin' option.

this time-travel project is the first thing rocket's intentionally hidden from nebula in years - other than his origins on halfworld, anyway. but he can't risk her finding out and trying to talk him out of it because she thinks it's unsafe, and he can't risk getting her hopes up if he can't get gams back. plus, she might tell pete, and that would be a whole different nightmare.

so, late one night on only a thimbleful of sleep, he finishes. his plans get interrupted by the mess with the high evolutionary, and then he has to put off using it because he's the frickin' captain or whatever (talk about sleepless nights) and then finally - finally - there's a gap where he thinks he can go. he'll come back, and no-one will even know he was gone. it's a time machine, after all. he climbs in, and he settles against the vinyl seat and takes the controls in his hand.

she handles like a fuckin' dream.

he gives gams the heads-up. strategizes with her. checks back with the future where he lives and learns that at least in this universe, there are now two gamoras: the moral compass currently on terra meeting pete's grandpa, and the snarly time-travelling ravager who rocket has also started to develop a grudging affection toward. pete's happy. nebs is happy. both gamoras are happy. and knowhere starts to feel a little like home.

but sleep still doesn't come. the nightmares are still there. and rocket starts to think maybe he doesn't have to stop with gams. groot might've chosen to sacrifice himself, but rocket figures - maybe he didn't need to. maybe that can change.

but i can imagine how that conversation would go.

you gotta figure something else out, our rocket would tell groot the elder, and groot would say something like, i am groot?

and rocket would say, there's gotta be another option. you gotta live. i want you to meet your kid.

and groot would say, i am groot?

and rocket would say, uh, yeah, you got a kid, and then he'd try to explain, and groot would say, i am groot. i am groot. which basically means, it sounds like you are my child's father, and i won't risk taking that from either of you. this is the light i choose to follow.

i gotta save you, rocket would say, holding the words in his teeth, unable to give them up. i gotta save you, and lylla, and teefs, and floor -

and groot would stop him with a very gentle i am groot, which, to translate, is something like, and how will that change things? will i never find you, little mammal? will you never find our current family? how will they ever meet each other, or escape the kyln, or overcome all the things you tell me they are meant to overcome - without you? where will the galaxy be if the you I know isn't part of it?

i am groot, he adds, which kind of means, you underestimate how very important you are.

and so this new, second trip won't lead to anything tangibly changed in our rocket's universe - not in any way that an outsider would notice, or see. but those moments, to say good-bye, to say i miss you, to say i don't really think you're an idiot and i love you -

they change something inside rocket.

and when he returns to knowhere, he's finally able to sleep.

taglist ♡ @evolvingchaoswitch ♡ @glow-autumz ♡ @wren-phoenix ♡ @suicidalshitstick ♡ @pretty-chips

No fun allowed

Internet drama and controversy can be fun to watch, but I also love silly things, feel good stories, and other harmless fun that gets shared on the internet.

I am, however, exhausted by the ever-increasing number of people who feel compelled to state that something-or-other is "obviously fake" or to otherwise question the validity/intentions of the poster.

Look. Kids. Sometimes, yes, it's important to clarify when something being shared is verifiably false. Especially if what's being shared contains dangerous misinformation that could cause harm to someone else.

Most of the time, though, it doesn't matter. And just because you personally believe something is fake doesn't mean you're right. Stop being an asshole just for the sake of trying to prove how much smarter and better you are than everyone else. Stop trying to discredit strangers on the internet who aren't hurting anyone and are very likely telling the truth. Stop assuming everything is fake. There's a time and a place for those kind of conversations and accusations. Learn how to tell the difference.

The most recent example I've seen is on a video of someone unrolling their knitting project only for it to roll off the end of the bed and startle a cat the maker didn't realize was there. Cute. Funny. No harm done.

Someone in the comments questioned why they were filming if they didn't know the cat was there. Condescending. Accusatory. Rude.

The person was clearly intending to show off all the work they'd accomplished on their knitting project. Very cool and stripey and either a scarf or possibly one side of a to-be-completed blanket. Or a bed for a boa constrictor, who knows? Point is, someone was trying to show off something they were proud of and then got a startled cat as a bonus.

Even if it had been a "set-up" though, so what? Is it hurting anyone? No. Does it change the context of what's seen in the video? No. There's no harm and no foul and no goddamn reason to be a petty suspicious jerk about it.

Another example would be any of Seanan McGuire's Tales of Animal Rehab and Chaos. Some of these do sound bizarre, like the alligator lizard in the leg story, but weird things DO happen (especially around Seanan) and accusing her of making stuff up for attention/clout is fucking rude. Sure, she's a storyteller, but some things she doesn't need to make up. Especially if she isn't getting paid for it. lol

Again, no one gets hurt by stories like that (ignoring the injuries sustained in the story itself) and it's also a good example of what NOT to do if you find an alligator lizard in your tent/sleeping bag. Important safety tip: don't try stabbing something anywhere near your own body.

People can, however, get hurt by constant accusations of lying. Seanan no longer shares those awesome stories because when she did it always resulted in a bunch of armchair fact-checkers calling her a liar and demanding "proof" that any of it happened.

When it comes to stuff like AITA or that Neighborhood thing or whatever, sure, some of those stories are made up. But again, who cares? Do you think you'll get points for calling out an obviously fake story about, I dunno, some dude replacing his gf's perfume for skunk spray because he's convinced she's cheating on him? No. No one cares. Other than maybe reassuring people that so-and-so isn't in any danger, you gain literally nothing by outing it as fake.

Sometimes those things are done for fun. And sometimes they're based on real examples of the kinds of things that have happened. And even when they're fake they can act as cautionary tales to help folks identify potentially dangerous behaviors. Maybe a guy hasn't actually replaced a wife's/girlfriend's perfume with skunk spray, but people of all identities have engaged in paranoid, possessive behavior and if you know what the warning signs look like you can take precautions. Same with tall tales from the workplace. Or involving neighbors. Or whatever. If it isn't hurting anyone and isn't spreading dangerous misinformation, maybe consider leaving it alone.

people think about racism in a... weird way, let me tell you that. it's either you are, or you aren't. that's a problem because of the way systemic and ingrained racism is built in the roots of our society. people have done racist things out of ignorance or any number of factors and people will continue to do so, even people we admire. people fall into pipelines as kids, people commit microaggressions that they genuinely do not understand, people share racist memes because they don't see the dogwhistles/ don't understand the severity and only think of it "as a joke", whatever.

thing is, billy could be completely innocent in his eyes. he could believe that he genuinely hurt lucas to protect max and nothing else. but his actions still contribute to racism. and it's fine to acknowledge that. whether he was raised to have racist biases, doesn't think of himself as racist but still carries these beliefs subconsciously, or he genuinely isn't, it doesn't really matter because his actions were harmful and they hurt lucas. and again, it's okay to acknowledge that.

i wish people wouldn't really swing the pendulum one way or the other, you know? there's a lot of complexity here. people either characterize him as a violent racist who chose to torment lucas incessantly, or an innocent boy who did nothing wrong. fellow people of colour can have their interpretations, but i like it when the complex nuances are actually acknowledged. billy, whatever he was thinking (even if he was justified or innocent in his eyes), still did something racist, and that's still something he can atone for by apologizing and working to amend his errors. it's not okay, but he can change for the better and do good.

i simply think characterizing him as a violent abusive racist is damaging overall. it paints a very specific picture of racism that renders every other form of harmful discrimination obsolete, especially subtler forms. people think racism can only exist in violent people with hate in their heart, and that's simply not true. anyone can say or do racist things. anyone can cause harm and further perpetuate hurt to the people around them. anyone can thus apologize for these things, grow, and change for the better. as people of colour, it shouldn't be our job to rehabilitate or soothe people who did racist things, but growth they choose is a net good. and acknowledging racism as something that exists outside of plain evil bigots works to tackle the very ingrained racism in our world. just think that's important to consider for everyone, and it makes me happier now that i've understood billy like this, because i don't like viewing the world in such a strict, rigid moral way.

I agree. There is a lot of nuance to the conversation that gets ignored one way or another. It’s easier for people to identify overt racism that manifests in physical violence, but not so much racism that manifests in institutional violence. While I am white and I don’t think it’s my place to tell fans of color how they should feel about Billy, I think a lot of white fans are unwilling to confront the ways in which they are racist and/or contribute to institutional racism. They think that as long as they like the right characters and perform allyship then they can absolve themselves of their own bigotry. Regardless of race, I think fans need to also confront how their own traumas impact their world view because a lot of people use trauma as an excuse to perpetuate institutional harm.

What Billy says and does can be triggering to people for different reasons, and I don’t fault people for that. However, we can’t just use our own traumas to ignore his or ignore the context of his words and actions. If you don’t take the time to contextualize his behavior then you will never understand how to address it. Yet, there are so many people who don’t want to contextualize his behavior because that would require uncovering really uncomfortable truths about society… and themselves. I think a lot of hateful reactions to Billy stem from people’s own guilt and shame and in performing such hate for this fictional person, they are “checking” themselves. Making themselves feel good. It’s much much harder to think, hey, I might have been a bigoted person in my youth and it takes hard work to unlearn it.

That’s why people are comfortable taking a pro-punishment, pro-carceral stance when it comes to “dealing with” Billy’s racism even when that very mindset stems from institutional racism. It doesn’t emphasize growth and change, which are entirely possible with a teenage boy who was surviving abuse at the time they said and did those hurtful things. It emphasizes violence as a solution, which is how institutions already respond to marginalized people who are perceived to have done something wrong - with violence. This isn’t to say people can’t or shouldn’t defend themselves from racists or racism. It’s specifically this idea that Billy needs to be eternally punished for his actions even when he hasn’t shown himself to be a bigot that doesn’t resolve racism but rather feeds into it.

These people don’t want to admit that they’re doing harm or perpetuating cycles of violence themselves, so they need to be right. They need to feel good about hating him, and they need to perpetuate this false idea that people are static individuals who cannot change. You either are a bigot or you’re not to them, and I think feeling the need to defend their investment in such a character many people who like him feel the need to call Billy’s actions something other than racism. It’s still racism. You can be racist without being a card carrying member of the KKK or a neo-nazi. It’s important to acknowledge that, but it also is important to acknowledge that you can learn from that and grow and change as a person. That is what ends the “cycle.” Not more institutional violence.

Ok a question: is the bad grade because you're missing so many assignments that the 0s are stacking up, or is it because of a series of poor grades?

Because for the first one, ask for an incomplete and give them a TIMELINE on which you will complete the work over eg summer (like 1 assignment a week or sth, nothing super intense just to prove that you're actually going to do it) and maybe also offer to meet with them regularly/send them email updates regularly while you're working on their work (again to prove you won't ghost them and will actually finish the class).

The second one, you could try to ask them to bend the syllabus for you. Definitely tell them how much they mean to you as a prof and how much you like their class, but also just express the difficulty you've been having honestly (tbh just like the first two lines in quotes in your post) and maybe see if they will let you maybe do something to your grade advantage, like take a final essay grade or final exam grade in place of your average if it's higher.

I don't know what your relationship with them is or your other needs, but you could also ask to retake the class with lower demand (like attending lectures you feel you need to and not the ones you don't need over again) or ask for maybe an independent study class to help with their research or something to help raise your overall GPA if the course grade doesn't matter as much in the grand scheme.

Sorry for the rambling in your inbox 😅 I live surrounded by academics so it's kind of the stuff I hear about all the time and this seemed less wierd then DMing idk? Uh I hope this helps and isn't like intensely overstepping 😅

All good and I genuinely appreciate your imput <3 Inbox or DM work equally as well for me :)

I've handed everything in on time but have a series of 50's and below :( , and I don't really have a relationship with him beyond discussion my academic accommodations. I'm aiming for pharmacy school, but at that becomes less of a reality every single day (or at least what it feels like). I have other options that I'd be happy with, but as of right now, pharmacy school is a big goal of mine.

I ended up sending him an email, that he'll likely see Monday morning, my email (w/o identifying features) is below the cut:

I have enjoyed your class thoroughly and have learnt a lot. Despite what it looks like on paper, I am trying my best and working hard to succeed in this course. 

This term has been incredibly difficult for me as I have been balancing two jobs,  handful of extracurriculars, as well as dealing with an out of province parent who is becoming increasingly disabled as time progresses and doing extensive research regarding their condition. It is hard to ignore that there is a lot going on in my life and I am trying to keep a lot of different areas of my life in control, even if those matters are completely beyond my control. 

As a result, this has taken a major toll on my mental health. What I was once able to successfully manage has now become near debilitating. I have used some of the on-campus resources, and they have made a noticeable difference. One of my lab instructors has already expressed concern regarding my mental health and have taken some small actions to help me.

I’ve been able to go to all your classes; however, I have found it hard to focus and retain information, even if I am taking notes and engaging in classroom discussion. 

I know that it is very late in the term, and there is very little that can be done while still maintaining fairness to all students. If there is anything that can be done, please let me know at your earliest convenience. Unfortunately, I will not be able to attend your office hours this upcoming Monday,  I am aiming to be there around 9:30 on Wednesday. If these times do not work for you, please let me know and we can discuss a time that works best for both of us.

Hi sweety! I've just read this https://www.tumblr.com/itgomyway/730190673012260864/i-saw-your-response-to-that-one-anon-asking-about?source=share, and I'm still lost cause actually what the anon here referes to is exactly what I was pondering... Ok, deal, we get thay a fly in imagination is equal to a fly in so called 'reality' but I think that this anon refers exactly the same as I : since both are real, how you bring something from the subjective consciousness to the objective consciousness so the 'ego' can actually perceive it phisically? I KNOW it sounds very loa, but is kind of confusing...

Look the other day, we run out of watter in house 'cause the provider cut it for a while, it happends often, mostly when it happends is normal to stay 6 to 7 hours until the change of turn where the next group of workers remembers to give us watter again, so I thought then 'I don't wanna wait 'till 1pm to be able to go to the bathroom or make use of water, so i sat in my living and imagined the sound of the watter runing again in the kitchen, I did it for about 15 minutes. Nothing happened. Then I went to the bathroom, did my things, and still no watter so I figured out some water from somewhere else to wash my hands and bla bla bla... but thought again, WE have to do our things, We NEED water to cook and finish the day as it should, we need it, not just us but our neighbourgs too, so I stayed there, closed my eyes and imagined again the watter running this time in the bathroom, I've probably done this about 3', as at the same time was thinking 'this isn't working, if this time also doesn't work I better leave it. Probably I'm crazy' BUT guess what? The minute I thought it the watter started to flow again... Is like counsciousness has a good sence of humor, like black humor or 'it' decides when things will manifest as one wants...

For example right now I NEED to get out the place I'm currently living, move away with my pets, and I do the same process but nothing happends! Things get worse here and I'm tired. It's been a while that I'm on it so It should work aswell here too. But nothing happends...

Well, my ask was how we bring things to objective consciousness?? if u can enlight me with this I would thankyou for ever! Thankyou beforehand🙏🏻💖 your posts are awesome

BTW Sorry for my english, is not my mother tonge but I'm working on strenghten it😌

your english is fine and thank you for your words :)

there is no subjective to objective you are still seeing a separation. you just replaced “physical reality” and “imaginary” with “subjective” and “objective”. neither of these things exist nor do they matter. as consciousness you are everything and you dont have to do anything. if youre currently very attached to identifying as the ego then its no doubt its hard for you to grasp. and that’s okay. personally i don’t see a problem with you attempting to use loa to manifest your problems away, i do it whenever my ego wont stop bothering me but ill never look to non dualism for a solution as the ego because it doesn’t understand its not real in the first place. you were doing a technique to turn your water on, aka manifesting. you deemed it as a process and the moment YOU were aware of the actual water turning on, not the method making the water turn on, it turned on. even though you consciously used loa, it is still non dualism because thé instant you were aware was the instant it existed. hope this makes sense! good luck on your journey :)

Can I hear more about your OC's? Doesn't matter who, it can be any

YES YES YOU CAN I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

okokokokok so this is going to be SO disorginized but i'm gonna talk about my hre oc bc the only canon character i truly hate is hre i want to punt the child

her human name is Adelheid Dietrich but she regularly just goes by Heidi. Her first name means Nobility, and her last name means Ruler of the people; very fitting name for how much power she held in Europe for so long.

Her parents are Gaul and Germania, she very notably was never very close with her mother, and very close with her father until the the last few years of his life. (The Saxon wars, and Heimeric's own refusal to convert contributed to the deterioration in their relationship but that deserves it's own post) I don't have her exact year of birth pinned down yet, but sibling wise she is between Austria and Switzerland. Roderich being a few years older, and Aldrich being a few years younger. Heidi is only 1 of 2 girls in the family and was fiercely protective of Belgium, even as adults, if anything happened to Bel she would regularly blame herself for 'letting' it happen. She had decently rocky relationships with most of her siblings, but would get in screaming matches with Denmark over the most insignificant things. Reasonably bitter because she did end up substitute mom for about half her younger siblings, specifically Netherlands, Belgium & England. And she should not have had to do that. Eldest Daughter Syndrome(TM) personified. Would get into an argument with Dan, Nor, and Swe not long after their father died that would consist of "Everything i've done to keep our family together and this is how you thank me? 'No'? Just because you don't want to? Do you know all i've given up? I didn't get a childhood. But it's fine. Do what you want." v much a The things she said weren't right, but the emotions she was having were definitely there.

She was terrified of death. Just from the moment she gained consciousness she couldn't think of anything worse then running out of time. And tbh that's probably what drew her to Christianity, and kept her there, the idea that death wouldn't be the end, and it would be a happy after. John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that He gave His only son, so that everyone who believes in him might not perish but have eternal life" She's sold before the missionary can say anything else. That didn't stop her from being independent to a fault, which is where Lutheranism came into play; she was tired of being under Vatican's thumb (for lack of better term) so the moment the Reformation came around she was on board with that too. But all of that isn't to say she didn't have a complicated relationship with religion especially after a relationship--that i'll get to in a minute--constantly held it over her head as the whole reasoning for why she shouldn't do certain things; and it always worked because nothing scared her more than the idea that doing something would send her to Hell.

Anyway on romantic relationships; she was super queer. Would probably identify as bisexual in the year of our Lord 2023. She only ever had 2 notably relationships with other personifications; the first was with Czechia. It was very secretive, they were young, and dumb, and swore they would love no one but each other. (I actually wrote a little thing about them here). It somewhat obviously did not work out, because Heidi was scared of someone finding out about them, and after almost a century of being together she thought someone was getting to close to figuring it out; Adéla tried to insist it would be fine. Heidi panicked came up with a plan, and got Adéla to agree to it without telling her what it was. Within a couple months not a single person thought Adéla and Heidi were together... no they were too busy talking about how Clemens (Vatican) had supposedly broken his chastity vow and 'you'll never believe who for.' That was the end of her relationship with Czechia; it wasn't supposed to be. But it was.

Her second one was also a 'secret' but everyone knew about it. (so side note on my Vatican oc; remember he was born to represent West Rome and his land claim diminished as his children came along. Until eventually he picked up the title of the papal states then Vatican/Holy See). They met long before their 'romantic' relationship started, when Germania brought his at the time only daughter along to Rome and Vatican decided he just had to have her, and the sons of Rome usually get what they want. When they were very young they had a psuedo-relationship that really just happened because it was the first time they thought someone was cute and the other person thought the same. When she slept with him to cover her and Adéla's tracks, it was calculated. She had to have proof, and she had to have one or two people who she knew would talk have an inkling that it happened so rumors would start. What she didn't count on was him still having some of those feelings from hundreds of years earlier, she assumed he'd moved on completely. His children had to have come from somewhere. But now that Czechia didn't want anything to do with her she thought 'fuck it' and went along with a relationship that she didn't really want, but by now wasn't going to refuse either. And they would just stay that way, off and on, usually just sleeping with each other not much actual substance, but not so little that either would leave. They were just Stuck.

Jumping forward a bit to her death, she and Germany had a little less than a month overlap. He was born July 12th, 1806; and she died August 6th, 1806. She was already very sick when he was born, but asked to see him every day without fail. Austria told her eventually that he was sending Germany to live with Prussia, deemed he would be safer anywhere but Vienna. She argued with him over that, for a long time; insisted she wouldn't trust Brandenburg or Prussia to rear a child if they were some of the last people on earth. Austria got fed up, told her Germany was his son and he would do whatever he wanted with him. She argued back Germany was her heir, and she believed her heir should be raised in Vienna, not Königsburg, not Berlin, not Potsdam, Vienna. The argument stood until her death two weeks later, Austria to this day wishes he hadn't told her.

Everyone in the house knew about Heidi's fear, there wasn't a single person in Europe that didn't know about it. They all waited for something to register, for it to kick in that she more than likely wouldn't be making it another month, much less another year. But it never did, August 1st she got better, and for a solid two days she was even out of bed; it was during this Austria and Prussia caught her giving Germany a little speech.

"Now, you'll be taking over my job. I'm not promising it's an easy one because it isn't. The ones under you are insane, every last one, constantly fighting and they're changing all the time; every time you turn around someone new will have shown up, or someone else will have disappeared. I hope not too many disappear on you, but eventually you get used to it, and not in a sad way, in a "maybe they're off living their own life without the responsibility of thousands of peoples lives now". Unfortunately the annoying ones stick around the longest, your father is one, your uncle Gilbert is another. Saxony, Bavaria, Hesse, Brandenburg etc.. you'll have to get used to them, I don't think they're going anywhere. I know your parents are worried for you right now, but I'm sure it's completely unfounded and they're just dramatic. You'll be just fine... I wish I could stay to watch you grow up, i'm sure you'll be in charge of this whole continent eventually. You have to promise you'll make your family talk about me, don't let them be too sad about it, I want to be known as the interesting aunt not the one who died when you were a baby. Can you promise me that Ludwig?"

after those two days she got bad again though, worse than she was initially, and three days later she passed away. The moment they were waiting for never came, she didn't seem scared about the end; she put in her will someone has to make sure whoever killed her knew that she wasn't scared.

A character I mentioned getting screwed over by Fate due to wafiu-ism is Medb, but another that got completely screwed over is Penthesilea, and unlike Medb, I can't really identify why. She got given a bad deal in being introduced in Agatha but she is probably one of the easiest characters to drag out that dumpster fire, there is so many ways to take her character and so many relationships she has to other characters. She and Asclepius shared a writer, he must have seen that it was Penthesilea nephew, Hippolytus, that was raised from the dead, why doesn't she comment on that? In most versions of the story it is the Amazons, lead most likely by her, that accidently kill Hippolytus's mother, in this case most likely Antiope, shouldn't that be addressed? She must feel a lot of guilt over that. She is Romulus's half sister but they don't have voice lines for each other. Penthesilea is a character that had and still has a lot of ways to be explored, but they keep on focusing on this hatred of Achilles for what was a comment that doesn't really matter and it just annoys me, and TM can still do it, they can still expand on her character but it seems like they don't want to. I just wish more people would be able to appreciate who Penthesilea is as a character, the amazoness event was a good start, showing her leadership skills and also it was funny, but I just wish their was more. Also she doesn't have her iconic leopard skin cape, which is lame, give her the damn cape, it might be petty, but it shows how good of a fighter she is!

Sorry this took a while to get back to but I had to look into Penth's myths more. I knew a lot less about the Amazonians than I thought, like the fact they get their name from the belief they would cut off a breast so they could better use a longbow. Holy shit that is metal.

I feel like Penth is a character torn between Nasu's obvious adoration of greek mythology and FGO's priority of making sure there's not such thing as a strong independent female character who doesn't have some sort of caveat that makes it so they wont "Scare off" the (believed) target whale audience of insecure men. The end result is a character with a lot of qualifiers and self contradictions that are best resolved by sweeping her under the rug entirely.

I'm not against the idea of her being obsessively angry with Achilles; there's a ton of potential in that and if done right it wouldn't just boil down to "Oh this character is a badass bc we want to make sure you know this other character is an even better SUPER MEGA badass" unlike......actually I was gonna give a snarky "cough X cough" example but there's too many to pick from. Regardless, this post does a great job outlining what i mean and goes a step beyond by framing it in fate specific lore.

But they obviously didn't do that in the game. She never even had enough substance to commit to that level of deeper meaning (though the stuff that post talks about is very much hinted at in her dialogue) and that's because of the aforementioned "just pretend it doesn't exist" approach to an amazonian queen and how it's at odds with the gacha status quo. Not a real status quo, mind you, I think I speak for all of good taste when I say if Penth was a take no shit unflappable badass commander I would love her more for it not less. I'm talking about this ASSUMED belief on the part of those wringing money out of things that the only market is straight insecure men who want someone to be dependent on them. I'm sure you already know this and that it's exactly what you meant by "screwed over by waifuism" but I want to outline it because it makes clear just how at odds a character like Penth is. Her design, her mannerisms, her story relevance or rather lackthereof, all of it is them trying their damndest to skirt around the obvious. To restate what i've said time and again, these things aren't always inherently issues, but things that would normally be innocuous become problematic when you know there is a specific malicious intent.

In fact that's exactly why even though as I said her hatred for Achilles could be an incredible point of depth, it still ends up being on the list of problematic things with her.

Penth is obsessed with a man, and she specifically hates him, and even though she's clearly shown to not hate all men, her character is hyperfocused on that hatred of Achilles in order to make it "special" that she doesn't hate you (with the game as per usual being written with a clear assumption that the player is male); her 4th ascencion and bond 5 lines post name reveal are EXTREMELY on the nose about this, basically labeling you "the exception" to her not wanting to be seen as a women first and foremost, and portraying her desire for otherwise to be childish and naive.

Which brings me to the part that killed my interest in her as a character. She's retroactively de-aged which, on top of just being fucked up and so very very problematic for completely standalone reasons, means they can have their cake and eat it regarding her design. She's fixated on the events that happened at the end of her life how they define who she is, yet they don't have to actually portray her as that person. Supposedly she pulled a liz because she doesn't want to be seen as the same beautiful person Achilles fell in love with. She wants to be seen as a warrior first and foremost. Ok, if she's obsessed with being seen as a warrior then why doesnt she wear any armor? Why doesn't she have her golden belt, or her famous leopard pelt, or her crescent shield, or her helm? I'm fine with her not wielding a bow or lance, in fact IMO her (afaik completely original) ball and chain wielding along with the claws is easily her best aspect in terms of character design. But not even a mention of archery, the thing from which the amazons got their name? I'm not asking to show a mutilated chest or something, if she's younger and doesn't yet have to worry about that sort of thing that's a chance to have your cake and eat in a GOOD way! (and obviously ILR breasts are not going to be an issue with archery but baseless myths like that have affected character design before so...) But again, they don't do any of that. She's barely got anything on and nothing indicative of warrior status aside from the weapons themselves, which is such a blatant contradiction of their own in-universe reason for her appearance. If she's so obsessed with looking like a warrior, why is she wearing almost nothing and her FA is a stereotypical "undressing by waterside" portrait? Actually I know why, it's in addition to stupid eye candy garbage to the convey that this is an act, that she's obsessed with being this perfect warrior but at the end of the day under that nonexistent armor is a human being like anyone else. The mask has to come off eventually...

...even though what she aspires to doesn't have to be inherently wrong or something to live in denial of. Which brings me to the last, and arguably even more damning aspect. She's portrayed as childishly wrong. They emphasize her anger as something along the lines of denying reality and "going through a phase" even if they state otherwise. They try and dress it up with materials and such but there's a very clear tone of bullheaded recklessness she's written with, like someone who won't admit they're wrong and instead pushes back violently against being challenged. She's portrayed as arrogant, not proud. She's portrayed as brash, not determined. She's portrayed as in denial, rather than rightfully frustrated. She's portrayed as if she's a stubborn child who is in the wrong, and her one true story role having her be...THAT in agartha really makes that even more overt.

Penth COULD be an amazing character as you and that post point out. She COULD be an absolute badass with her own identity and expand on her in a dozen different ways without losing anything. But they won't, because that's not their intention. They don't WANT to write her as the best character she could be because that would go against the perceived market they're trying to cater. They would never admit it, but she's written condescendingly. Because in the context of a waifu obsessed gacha, she is patronized simply by existing.

last of us 1x07 left behind

left behind is like. my fave dlc ever so i was anxious for this one

I anticipated from the start this episode would be unpopular with both the action-oriented crowd (who I... have to assume aren't really enjoying this show at all at this point? lol) and homophobes, so I'm unsurprised to see it ranking lower with people and getting reviewbombed by losers

but TOO BAD it's an episode for ME

I've been liking Bella Ramsey more and more as the series goes on but this episode really clinched it for me I think, I felt she gave a great performance and all those longing looks and mixed emotions around Riley all ep were super well done. I'm sure some people were still shocked Pikachu by the kiss bc that's how dense the audience is sometimes but Ramsey was really giving it their all. Adjusting her hair in front of the window fjlghlksg... The awkward ping-ponging between trying to seem cool and unaffected, trying to impress Riley in both more adult ways (like fixing her hair, drinking the booze) and such kiddie ways (showing off on the escalator)... very good

Storm Reid's Riley was very good as well. I thought the tension between the two of them -- not just the romantic tension but like, both trying to have fun while ignoring the elephant in the room, etc, was well played.

They got a bit luckier in some places here than in the DLC (Riley got to ride the carousel too; the photobooth actually printed, albeit a washed out shitty copy; the arcade WORKED) which felt like kind of nice compensation and a nice way to adapt it to a passive medium lol.

This was quite a faithful adaptation despite changing some of the core conflict between Riley and Ellie. I don't mind the changes... I really loved the "you mattered to me first" exchange, you can really feel all of Ellie's Issues, poor kid. I also felt Riley's impending sewer assignment vs Ellie on the officer fast track was an interesting contrast.

I realize the Firefly pendants are an in-game collectible, so putting them on screen doesn't really make sense (and if you think about it, having a token on you that instantly identifies you as a rebel to FEDRA is simply just Not a good strategy LOL) ... but I did miss it in this ep because Riley ripping the Firefly pendant off her neck when Ellie asks her to stay is imo more powerful than Riley just going "okay". I mean I know Riley meant that "okay" geuinely, but lol, doesn't hit the same.

My biggest reservation this episode was probably that I'm still not really ...sure about/comfortable with the Both Sides-ing of FEDRA and the Fireflies. (I know some fans will scream up and down about how the Fireflies were always some evil sinister shadow org or whatever but 🙄 lmfao) The Ellie-Riley-Marlene relationship being changed I'm on the fence about until we see the rest of Marlene's backstory... I feel like it could go either way depending what they do. I suppose the Fireflies were always a bit morally gray....

But the softening of FEDRA is very questionable to me lol -- Riley's clearly right that Ellie is parroting propaganda, but I think we're also meant to agree with Ellie that Riley doesn't know what the Fireflies are really doing, and that Riley is parroting THEIR propaganda, and I just... like... I dunno man. FEDRA is pretty awful. FEDRA rounded up citizens and then shot them all and left the bodies in a ditch. FEDRA uses the death penalty for minor infractions. They overthrew the government in a military coup. Dwight Schrute voice FEDRA are the bad guys Jim.

Other notes:

-loved the water gun reference, hehe

-I was so happy for them getting to play the actual arcade games mlao

-OMG the masks are like pixel perfect to the game...

-miss u skeleseer ... you live in my heart

-it felt like a stretch to me that Spirit Halloween would be Ellie's fave (hence saved for last) after the other things were SO cool lol

-I get why people missed current-day Ellie scavenging in the mall but I think it would've been mostly meaningless on the show, and having her tear the house apart to find some needle and thread worked the same really

I feel like sometimes I could be kidding myself when I call myself an ENFP. Like I’ll think I don’t have Ne because I enjoyed like being “in the moment” exercising today or some other ridiculous excuse. Like I can have the tendency to doubt my type and think of myself as a barrage of other types, but then you ask me to explain in detail and I’m like “umm…” like right now I’m Over thinking “why don’t I have Ne? [...] My question is what should I do about this doubt? Ik ur an ENFP 6w7, so can you help me out please? Distract myself with finding other Ne doms? Actually get my work done which probably won’t happen? Wallow into self doubt? Like I know there are things I could be doing, but my mind reverts back to MBTI and other things

Well, there's two things you will need to do, and neither one of them are easy, but the second one is harder so we'll start with the first. The first one is to recognize that all this re-envisioning yourself as other types and exploring it mentally is actually Ne doing its thing RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU, so you can tangibly go "lol, hey Ne, buddy! I see you're buzzing around the MBTI flower today! And if I were any other type, I wouldn't be doing this incessantly!" AKA, notice that your brain is doing this and correctly identify it as... ENP behaviors.

The second one is... study everything you can find about 6. And I mean go at it. I've probably read every Enneagram book, article, listened to most of the podcasts, etc., online that exist about my type in order to gather information about what my problem areas are, and now I am working steadily each day at dismantling them. The most blisteringly eye-opening discovery for me was Suzanne Stabile remarking on how those in the dependency stance (1, 2, 6) engage in chronic over-thinking, but how NONE OF IT IS PRODUCTIVE.

Let that sink in for a moment.

What happens when you spend 9 hours a day revisiting your type, reconsidering it, reexamining it?

Nothing. That's the point.

That thinking is not productive. It's not contributing anything to your life. It's not accomplishing anything. It's not solving problems for you. It's wallowing in the mire of "this actually doesn't even matter." You can choose to go down that slide into that slush pool and founder around (wasting all your mental time and energy in second-guessing, doubting your own conclusions, and seeking alternatives) ... or you can start rolling your eyes at your 6-ness and go "not today, Satan."

Why is this so hard? Because trying to stop an ENP 6w7's brain from going full speed is like throwing yourself in front of a hurricane and yelling stop. But... you can learn to dial back the obsessive over-thinking habits by, every time you start thinking about this, stopping and asking yourself, "What is this accomplishing for me? How is it benefiting me?" Because... it isn't. "What is mine to think about and do?" Other things. What would you RATHER be thinking about?

Deep down, fear is running this train, but even that fear is irrational. What if I get it wrong? What if I am wrong about myself? What if I misrepresent myself?

If so... nothing changes. You being an ENFP or not is nice to know, since you can use those strengths and work on your weaknesses, but no one outside of the MBTI community cares what you are (just how you interact with them) and it won't change anything about your life.

Turn that 6 brain around and instead of second-guessing being an ENFP, have it start noticing and thinking about how you are "doing" 6-ness with every reaction, every thought, every decision. Use it to self-observe and analyze and... to be honest, the transformation is pretty incredible. I won't lie to you and say that I never doubt my type or rethink it, because those old neural pathways I've burned deep into my mind (kind of like how your brain always travels the same trail of thought) are hard to resist, but I have grown SO MUCH as a 6 in the last five years since delving deep into self-awareness that I am far healthier (and much less annoying to those around me) now.

Okay. So... I'm explaining this for my own peace of mind, not anyone else's. My opinions are mine, and I do not represent anyone else but me. It's about the terms queer, femboy, and how sometimes slurs can turn into identifiers. This is from a transmasc perspective, though I have done my research.

Please do not read if you have anything rude to say. We all have different opinions.

I have done... a lot of research today. A lot of research on terms into the transmasculine and feminine presentations, and into slurs themselves.

And it seems that, with the term 'femboy', it is a VERY similar argument to the word 'queer.'

Queer, in general, is a debated term on the internet because of its past history as a slur. Slurs, as of recently, have started to be reclaimed in multiple areas of the community. Queer is one of them, and what we used to call the f-slur, faggot, is quickly coming behind it.

Reclamation itself is a very muddy sort of water. For some people it works, for others it doesn't. The thing about the word queer, is that some people hate the term and have a bad history with it. Others, like myself, find it as a reclaimed identity.

The term 'femboy' seems to have come around with this kind of treatment as well.

Both queer and femboy have both been used as terrible slurs against different parts of our community. But recently, we have seen a resurgence of these terms as an identity, taken literally and away from their harmful contexts. Queer has ceased being an insult in some parts of the community because some of us have changed its power, switched it to work for us.

The term femboy seems to be making the same shifts.

Where it was once used as a purely transmisogynist, pornographic term, it seems to have taken on a new life in communities of masc aligned people who... are feminine. The term itself is a shortening of "feminine boy". Some transfems like the term, some hate it. Some transmascs like the term, some hate it.

The point stands that this term seems to be taking up the stance that queer is. It's graduated from something that is purely a slur, to something that is now an identity for some and an insult for others. Some transfems do not want it used for them, or dislike the term altogether, and others seem upset that people are trying to sidestep the actual term by making new ones.

Either way, it's just as muddy a case as queer. And I use queer, understanding that I can call myself that, but not others if thye hate it.

I think, in that case, I'm just... gonna take the term femboy and use it the same way.

I won't call any transfems that unless they enjoy the term, or transmascs for that matter.

But I myself identify as one.

There is a community now surrounding the term of transmasc and masc aligned people who adore the term and use it liberally, to express their femininity without forsaking the base masculinity that comes with it. These people don't routinely call transfems this term at all. I don't do that, either. We just use it to describe the role of being a feminine boy.

And i don't think that's a crime. Some transfems have even asked us to use the term over replacement terms, from my perspective. Other terms seem to come from sites like Tiktok, and frankly,

I don't trust that shithole.

So while I won't be calling anyone else that, because I understand the history and won't use it for others unless I know the other person likes it,

I am a gay, queer, transmasc femboy. That's how I'm choosing to identify, because I've been using the term ever since quelling my decade-long gender questioning journey, and it's one of the most comfortable terms I've ever found. I've found other transmascs like myself through it. And while there is a lot of sexuality in that term, I myself am a very sexual being. And it feels right at home with me.

If anyone takes issue with that, or feels personally offended by my definition for myself,

I will no longer be budging.

I've always thought that Toshio isn't human anymore (I prefer thinking he's now an AI made out of human body rather than sexroid for my convenience) until one of the chapters when Shindou said to his colleague that things have changed now since his emotions are coming back. So is he actually still human inside just with prosthetic body parts? I wanna know what you think as you've read the original version and the original words the author used. Thank you!

Oh, that's not an easy question to answer, anon, haha. Prepare for a long post ahead.

So your question is: Is Toshio still human inside, even with his body modified, and his brain messed with, yes?

First of all, how would you describe a human? Is it having all flesh, mind, and heart, and all the innate characteristics we've identified with, to be intact? How much of a loss or defect of any of these are acceptable before you're not "human" anymore?

In the story, we can see the different characters treat Toshio in their own way, based on their own beliefs on what makes someone 'human'. To the others, they clearly didn't see Toshio as human, and simply treated him as a tool for their own benefit.

Because they tampered with his brain for this purpose, Toshio was even unable to comprehend that he is the one being taken advantage of; to see that he's the victim, and all of these people are using him. He clearly had a lot of work done on him to keep his functions carnal and simple, and we can only imagine he was at the mercies of the people in charge of him before Shindou came in.

Although it was reluctant at first, despite the state Toshio was in, Shindou treated him like human; taught him how to act like human. And thanks to that, Toshio was able to regain and respond with emotion that he probably was unable to display before, because nobody else treated him the same way. ...Or did he really lose the ability to feel these emotions in the first place?

"If you're saying this is human, then it won't be a matter of it having emotions or not anymore."

I think this is the scene anon is referring to (Chapter 7). It clearly shows that in this facility, the people here don't think of Toshio as human. Or perhaps that's what they just say to convince themselves. This particular sentence leads me to believe that they are well aware of what they've done, and because they already know they're in too deep in it, this is the only way they can tell themselves that they're not doing anything wrong. If they call Toshio 'human', that would make them question their moral standing, and a lot more complicated things right? So to keep things easy, they hid behind the excuse of treating Toshio as nothing more than an object.

This treatment may also be out of a sense of guilt, as we can see with Nakamura (the family friend/professional Shindou often talked with). He saw that Shindou was treating Toshio as human, and he believed that if Shindou continued to do so, he would feel responsible for Toshio as well, and then blame himself as Nakamura did. Nakamura said that "It is not human anymore. I made it that way." So he knew all the modifications done to Toshio. He probably saw Toshio as a lost case, and believed that there was nothing Shindou could do for Toshio anymore. But Shindou didn't have any of that, and continued to do everything he could for Toshio.

We don't actually know to what extent Toshio's body has been modified, but regardless of whether you believe Toshio only has an AI in him, having lost the ability to feel emotions due to his mind being artificially modified and was only able to learn them thanks to Shindou - or he actually still has these emotions innately and regained them with Shindou's help - do you choose to believe that the look of happiness he has when he's with Shindou to be real, and that of a human's, or not?

I think this work is certainly one that makes you ask these questions to yourself. The manga doesn't say it outright, so neither will I, but in this story with Shindou's narrative, do you choose to believe in Shindou who thinks of Toshio as human, or not? It's up to you to decide, I think.

I'm sorry for going all philosophical anon, I probably gave you more questions than answers, and for blabbering more than I probably should. Lol. I hope I gave you some insight at least! I'm sure the sequel will give more questions and perhaps some answers??

Everytime the queer community gets a little bit bigger or better, we all make the mistake of labeling others. This puts us back years and on the side of those who dislike us.

Think about it. The trans community, at large, finally getting space to talk about our issues and most of the community understanding the variety of experiences only for us to be hit with people inside and outside of our community labeling us. But you know, at least it's worth progressive labels and these people seem to be excepting /sarcasm.

This has nothing to do with the actual usefulness of these words, but the way they have been ransacked to label others because humans gonna arbitrarily push others into boxes based on their liking and understanding of them, forgoing autonomy and respectfulness -- which I think stems from the feeling of being out of control, but that doesn't justify the behavior. So now we have assholes, using other's AGABs (assigned gender at birth) as a tool of oppression and silence. And this isn't just from conservatives, though their approach seems largely based in poor, delusional, oppressed AFABs (assigned female at birth) and terrible, scary, oppressive AMABs (assigned male at birth). It's used by us to justify who gets a say, a voice, to demean others, and that's not right.

Another bastardized "progressive" term that's used very similarly is TME and TMA (transmisogyny exempt and affected). As far as I have seen (and feel free to correct me with sources), these specific terms have not been used in helpful ways. That's definitely not to say transmisogyny is not helpful in queet theory and to talk about issues. However, the binarism that has come from the terms TME and TMA are less than helpful in my opinion and are often used to mean either someone's perceived AGAB or "me versus them." What I mean by the second us is when someone disagrees with someone (oddly, I've largely seen it used by people who aren't trans or who would be deemed TMEs) then the person who disagrees is TME.

Easier put, Person A writes something that Person B disagrees with (let's say transandrophobia or lesbianism or basically anything). Person B labels Person A as a TME to discredit their argument or statement with no knowledge on whether or not Person A is TME or TMA.

Hell, you can even see this done with identities. I have seen people who are bi or against bi lesbians as well as those who are lesbians or against bi lesbians create a binary of lesbian or nonlesbian (and bi or non-bi even). Not only is that ridiculous because any community should be allowed to talk about other communities and issues within, but also it hurts everyone. It is not helpful to call a bi lesbian or a bi lesbian supporter a nonlesbian, because you do not get to decide who is a lesbian or not -- nor do you get to create a hierarchy out of lesbian. Bi lesbians are a type of lesbian, no matter if you believe people can be one or not, and guess what! there are lesbians who are mono-attracted (not mspec) who support mspec lesbians (including bi lesbians) and there are mspec people who aren't them that support them, too.

The only thing that using this rhetorical tool does is help separate communities. If everyone who disagrees with you is "not a part of your community," then it's pretty easy to say "listen to our/my/their community" or "no person who is a part of this community believes in or thinks or is *that*."

And let's not forget how these binaries harm anyone not a part of them or not easily deconstructed into one or the other labels. That's definitely something that gets touched on a bit, but never really hashed out. What about those who weren't so easily assigned a sex or gender at birth? What about those who are TMA but not the same way *this type of person is*? What about the lesbians who have attraction to more than one gender but don't identify as bi or mspec lesbians?

If you want to feel more in control, talk to your community as a whole, not just the ones you deem worthy, and stop assigning labels to others because you can or think you can. Lest you be the next person assigned a label without any say and with no care if you are said label.

Please, those who are outside of these binaries of terms feel free to add your input. I don't care if you disagree with any sentiments, I just want to hear from you.