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#anyways take it with a grain of salt as usual

neviayue · 7 months

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so, stay alive | By Nevi Ayu E.

다들 그냥 살아. 의미를 붙여가면서, 의미를 찾아가면서, 정신 승리 오지게 하면서. 대단해지려고 너무 용쓸 필요 없어 살아내는 것만으로도 이미 대단한거니까. 근데 혹시 모르잖아, 그리고 궁금 하잖아 아직 긁지 않은 복권 뒤에 어떤 행운이 숨어 이쓸지. 또 어떤 이야기들이 남아 이쓸지.

Dialogue from Korean drama Twinkling Watermelon (2023) episode 10, written by Jin Soowan.

This dialogue aligns with a repeated dialogue I liked in Tomorrow (2022) where they go: There will come a time when you will realise "It was all for today."

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marimeeko · 6 months

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I have a sudden, unsolicited opinion on the moment where Ochako admits that she fell in love with Izuku. Since it has been going around as one of those context-less, surface level articles on Google(I spotted it too)

So it's talking about the moment when Ochako is fighting Toga and she tells her that she fell in love with Izuku.

Does she use the exact wording? Yes.

Does that mean it's an end all declaration? Does it mean she is endgame with Izuku? I do not think so.

I don't think it's the final nail in the coffin to the argument for any other ship involving Izuku or Ochako. Here's why:

The admission is so anticlimactic.

We have known for a while that Ochako has complicated feelings about Izuku. We know that it has been a bit of a crush. And that has led to ANTICIPATION to see what becomes of those feelings.

But along the anticipation, we have also seen her going through some feelings of discomfort about the whole thing...unusual, for a supposed love interest of a Shonen manga!

So the audience has been waiting for a LONG time for something, anything, to happen between Ochako and Izuku that rewards that anticipation and that waffling on Ochakos part.

And for something like a supposed love confession, a line like "I fell in love with Izuku Midoriya", to heppen....

But NOT in a moment between Ochako and Izuku themselves, just also does not reward the anticipation that was built up.

She did not confirm and admit these feelings TO izuku. She admitted them to Himiko.

And that is the first time the audience hears her positively confirm that she had those feelings, blatantly.

But it TAKES AWAY from the actual relationship because Himiko received that confession...not Izuku.

We didn't get a charged confession between Ochako and Izuku. The relationship was STILL not mutually developed. It's still just a quality of Ochako, it says nothing about Izuku. The anticipation of Ochako having a crush, and changing, complicated feelings for Izuku and where that would eventually climax, where it would reach its peak for Ochako and Izuku both, instead is diverted. Kind of literally. Because it didn't happen at either chance they had to talk it out, to confess, she sent Izuku away when Himiko tried to trap him into a love discussion. She didnt bring it up before the war began even though they had such a calm moment to be able to do so. It didn't come out in the logical places. And now in the endgame, they have split up to fight different battles...Ochako has even exhausted everything she has right now to save Himiko and likely is out until we receive the wrap up.

So, the anticipation I mentioned, again, does not have a payout in the form of even a rushed battlefield confession because the two of them are fighting different battles.

Instead the audience is given the confirmation of "I fell in love with him" when he is not even present, when Ochako is not confessing to him or confronting him. It comes out with Toga, when she Is trying to reach out and level with her, it almost could read as a "I had a crush on the same boy" kind of statement. It comes out when saving Himiko is Ochakos main priority.

What I'm saying here is that Ochakos love confession for Izuku, which is usually a big deal in any story, is in the back seat to prioritize each of their other relationships and goals. Which is great that it is not forced upon us when there are bigger things happening, however it just does a disservice to the pairing itself when most of the feelings are expressed onesidedly, and an actual statement of love, if it's not even outdated because of changed feelings, means a lot less when it's not filling the gap between the two people in question. When the confession doesn't reach the other person.

(And I will go ahead and say that is kind of similar to how bkdk is right now as well, bc we have SO MUCH material on Katsukis side, about how he feels and how much he cares about Izuku, but not a lot on what Izuku feels or allows himself to feel about Katsuki. I will call that out as well.)

Like at this point, the best we could hope for, for Ochako and Izuku being a couple, is a very open note about it in the aftermath. Like maybe Ochako asks Izuku if he would like to get crepes with her. That's just enough given context clues to suggest to the audience that yes there are still some feelings there, she heard what he said about crepes and holding hands and took note of it, but also that Izuku himself is willing to explore those feelings as well. It would be Ochako finally choosing her feelings for Izuku, but without it being too sudden for Izuku to accept. This whole time we are not shown Izuku crushing on her at all it would be strange to have him suddenly initiate.

But anything more romantic and profound than that? Any dramatic reveal/confession of feelings, any chance for them to have a moment in the midst of war to have the "i love you" discussion? That has been bypassed time and time again. Horikoshi COULD HAVE WORKED IT IN, IF IT WERE A PRIORITY TO HAVE THEM ENDGAME. While no, romance doesn't have to be a priority in a Shonen, and Ochako has flipped the script on how she handles her feelings as a shonen love interest, Hori has demonstrated that threads and concepts of romance ARE part of his narrative.

And right now? Hot take, but the most romantic thread that Izuku, his main character, finds himself in, is whatever the hell is going on between him and Katsuki Bakugou.

You'd just think if the mc was going to be with a romantic partner, a girl, by the end of the story, something would have happened.

I feel like I'm going in circles past my point, but it boils down to Izuku not having any indication of interest in Ochako besides friendliness....the fact that the audience received confirmation of Ochako loving Izuku from her telling a 3rd party and NOT her subject, and the anticipation of that confession, built up for YEARS of this manga and animes run, of supposed feelings not really being paid off, if the two are meant to be the romantic end game. It also boils down to the fact that the anticipation of the confession had a CHANCE to occur with Izuku, the subject, multiple times. It boils down to again, ochako and Izukus relationship being romantic in anyway being little more than an after thought.

AND! it doesn't even guarantee that her feelings of love for him are still the same! We don't know for sure if she STILL loves Izuku!

So yeah. I hope this made sense, but it sure feels anticlimactic to have a love confession(supposedly) not even occur while the subject is present, where the audience can view it and celebrate that long awaited conclusion.

As always, these articles that pop up on Google leave a lot of context out, and are very face value. They saw Ochako say the L word and called it endgame. There is a reason I don't read them.

#bakudeku #bnha spoilers #bkdk #togachako #thoughts on romance in bnha #take with a grain of salt bc i could of course be wrong #but that is how it reads to me #honestly i would be satisfied with the scenario of ochako asking izuku on a little crepe date at the very end #bc it would still be believable #even if we dont know how izu feels #there is nothing that says he cant aay yes to a small casual date like that at the end pf their war #just dont call it a whirlwind romance cus its not #there also nothing wrong with izuku just not having a dtrong romantic interest in anyone #he has a lot going on it makes sense #just bc shonen USUALLY has this big romantic sideplot doesnt mean hori wont subvert it #he already has honestly #arguably tho he has got more romantic coded drama going on with Katsuki #BUT THATS JUST OPINION FROM A MULTISHIPPER WHO SPECIALIZES IN BKDK #anyway ochako is doing fantastic and i love her very much #ochako uraraka #at the end of the day horikoshis writing is pretty complex #he had already done Ochako a service by subverting the love interest character trope and having her focus on Himiko instead of Izuku

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skrunksthatwunk · 1 year

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i love ichiban so much. like in general but like. he's so neurodivergent. so so much i haven't been able to let go of it since i started playing. he's still filtering everything through dragon quest after 18 fucking years in jail without touching it and his loved ones realize and adapt to this bc they're cool so theyre like,, okay,, lemme put it like this. so you got a debuff from your one night stand. it's gonorrhea. and he's like okay i understand. that blows but im ready to hear my treatment options. and then he'd handle it like a well adjusted adult. he just processes it in a roundabout kinda way. he's just like me fr. and he's fully hallucinating gamer shit in the middle of street fights and his friends (who he met 2 days ago) are like lol ok cool cat that's wild. keep hitting them idc. my stats are going up? that's actually really cool ty for telling me i love you forever. i would die for you. and they're right for it. like they just accept him as-is with little fanfare because that's just ichi. they get on his level conversationally and it's not some awful horrific burden to talk about a thing he likes. and he hallucinates and he's not portrayed as some scary monster or unsettling pitiable thing. he's a cool guy and he's got all these nd traits and i think a lotta ppl probably need to see that. it feels very humanizing to me idk. he's a deeply kind and intelligent and loyal and dependable and wonderful man. one of the game protagonists ever maybe THE game protagonist ever and he's always in fucking situations constantly, as is the case with every rgg protag. anyway i love him. i know a lotta ppl look at him and go oh adhd for sure bc he's bouncy or whatever. and while i question that impulse i see you,, but that is NOT all okay. my man has some comorbidities. he's at a quaint little buffet of the dsm-5. something is UP with him and he's doing marvelously and everybody loves him and I love him too. yeag

#i mean. dq wouldnt help him understand stds more than growing up in a soapland did. regardless #basically i missed a neurodivergent character bracket submission and i was thinkin about him #and like all rgg protags hes just. in situations constantly. hes just plopped into whatever and he excells or fails comedically #rgg #ylad #kasuga ichiban #he's just like me he's got the stinky brain #also the party members who arent in the scene where that '? you guys arent seeing that???' conversation happens like. when do they find out #i hope i worded this right? i think he's interesting rep and there's good things to take from it #like. the hallucinations arent brought up ever again i dont think. theyre like ok ichi but we gotta solve this mystery or whatever #hallucinations/psychosis generally are usually treated as a big dramatic angsty thing #but instead theyre like okay. you wanna go play mario kart?#idk there's something nice to me about it #i imagine it would be kind of a relief to tell someone that and have them just accept it and not tret you any differently for it #but i also dont experience hallucinations/psychosis broadly (probably? tbd) so like. grain of salt on this post. my perspective is limited #anyway i would ask him to help me move. i would trust him to pet sit for me even if hes wacky hijinks prone bc he's a protagonist. etc

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nabataprophet · 7 months

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✧ slipfast: the longing to disappear completely, so you can take in the world without having to take part in it.

obscure sorrows

Every journey must come to an end eventually. A sense of relief washes over the army like gentle summer rain after the final battle. There are no more battles to be fought, so just for the moment, everyone is able to set down their weapons. There is still much to be done, a world to rebuild and reparations to be made, but that can all be done after a brief respite.

The conversation naturally drifts to what everyone intends to do after the war. For many, the decision is obvious. They have families waiting for them back home or other obligations waiting for them. Others express their intentions to continue traveling and seeing what the world has to offer. You sit adjacent to the conversation, never joining in yourself, but still listening in.

If someone were to turn to you and ask for your own plans, you would answer plainly about your intent to return home to Arcadia. If they pressed you on why, you're not sure you could answer. After thinking about it for a bit, you would come to the simple conclusion: because I should. You have no grand delusions of traveling the world to refine your skills. You've been away from home for too long and the villagers are probably anxious.

The world outside is endlessly vast. Too vast for you, maybe.

To have had the chance to experience it yourself was a miracle in of itself. You will think fondly on your memories of this time, but the memories alone are enough. You will go back to how you lived your life before, existing as an outside observer of the world. You can only hope that sometimes Lord Roy will come to visit and tell you about how the world is changing.

Piece by piece, the army will fracture as everyone returns to their respective countries. You, too, will vanish into the sandstorms of Nabata as if you had never existed at all.

Happily ever after.

#📚 drabbles #//haunted they gave sophia the character trait of “excited to see the outside world” and then had her return home to her isolated village #//fe7 adding in the fun surprise as well that she would maybe(?) be poisoned by elibe's air if she didn't go home like um we #//i take that with a grain of salt anyway bc (handwaves) fe6 and fe7 inconsistencies #//i usually put a readmore for drabbles but theres like....no good place to cut this :moyai:

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running-in-the-dark · 1 year

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Sorry stupid question: how do you do the pinning when hemming your own pants? My hands (like most people's) are very far away from my ankles and when I bend over, my pants become a different length than they were before.

oh, I'm definitely no expert at all, but what I usually do is just pin them roughly where I think would be good. then stand up, walk around a little, maybe sit down - just to see how they fit when I'm moving. then I adjust the pins until I think it's good!

I'm sure there's really informative videos on how to do it properly on YouTube if you wanna hear how people who actually know stuff do it :')

#that's not a stupid question at all!#but again take this with a grain of salt because I have no idea what I'm doing :')#if you're not sure I think leaving it slightly longer is probably best since then you could shorten them a little more in the future!#I have never been taught anything about sewing at all so I basically just do what feels right usually 😬 probably not the best way to #learn but it works okay for really simple things #I did follow a youtube tutorial on how to keep the original hem on jeans once #that was super helpful but that was the time my sewing machine kept giving up so I didn't get to finish it lol #anyway that's enough rambling about stuff I know nothing about! I hope this was at least a little helpful though #asks #anon

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catboyhdb · 1 year

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hey that discord post is likely at least a little fearmongering, as iffy as it is I do not think it is so simple as that

oh I see what you mean, I only shared it due to it only being a possibility and not certain but it seems like discord has had data privacy issues prior to this anyway

here's just some more people discussing it on reddit and I'll remove that rb

#but yeah the change is vague anyway but i think potentially collecting other personal/sensitive info is. dodgy but im also not surprised #and some people say its moreso on sonys part with ps5 support so thats why the terms changed because sony collects certain data #asks #ANYWAY. i dont want to cause any fear or spread misinfo so my bad usually i take this stuff with a grain of salt

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ryin-silverfish · 1 month

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One nerd's musing about Chinese religion and "respect"

-I try to stay away from fandom discourse, but, much like how you can smell the stench from a dumpster fire without walking into said dumpster fire, I've noticed something that seemed to come up a lot in western JTTW + adjacent fandoms: "respect Chinese religion".

-Usually as a reason for why you shouldn't ship a character, because of fucking course it's shipping discourse too.

-And my first reaction is "Man, you are taking Chinese religion too darn seriously, more than people who are born and raised in China."

-My second reaction is "I mean, most of us are atheist/agnostic by default anyways, with a good number of what I'd call 'atheist/agnostics with superstitions': people who said they were not religious, yet believed in Fengshui or divinations and burnt incense at temples for good luck."

-My third reaction: "But why do I get the feeling that when you mention 'Respect', you are thinking about something completely different?"

-Then I reread an essay from Anthony C. Yu, "Religion and Literature in China: The "Obscure Way" of Journey to the West", and the metaphorical lightbulb just lit up over my head.

(Everything below applies more to Daoism + associated folk religions, but by the time most classic Chinese vernacular novels were written, the blending of the three religions had become well and truly mainstream.)

(The conception of gods differs from dynasty to dynasty. What I'm describing here is mostly based on Ming and Qing ones; if you went back to Han or pre-Qin times, most of these would not apply.)

(I am one of the "atheist/agnostic by default" people. I just have an interest in this kind of stuff. I am also just one Chinese person, and an actual Daoist/Buddhist/Religion Studies researcher would probably have a lot more valuable information and perspective to offer when it comes to contemporary practices and worship. Like any people on the internet: take my words with a grain of salt.)

-Even in the past, when society was far less secularized, Chinese gods are not omniscient, perfect beings whose worship is a solemn, humorless affair. Some's worship are Serious Business, but that has more to do with the sort of gods they are and the patronage they enjoy, not godhood in and of itself.

-And even the ones that you are supposed to "treat seriously" are still very human. To use an analogy I've used plenty of times before: you respect and fear them in the same way you'd respect and fear an emperor's official, or the emperor himself, because if you don't, you are not gonna like the consequences.

-However, unlike Jesus, the emperor & his officials were capable of being temperamental, flawed, or an outright asshole, divine or not. Ideally, they wouldn't be, and if you were one of the "serious" believers——people who actually got an official permit, became ordained clergy, and went to live in a temple, you were unlikely to think of your gods in that manner.

-But it wasn't a complete, utter impossibility. The lower you go in the pantheon, the closer you get to popular religion, the less "serious" the gods and their worship become. By that, I mean general attitude, not sincerity of faith. You still shouldn't be rude to them, but, well, they are more likely to take a joke in stride, or participate in the "vulgar" pleasures of commoners because they weren't as bound to Confucian moral standards or religious disciplines.

-To stretch the same analogy further: you should still respect your village head, they could still give your ass a good spanking for being a disrespectful brat, but you were not obligated to get on your knees and kowtow to them like you would do in front of a provincial magistrate, the emperor's minister, or the emperor himself, nor did they have the power to chop your head off just because you were rude.

-On the other hand, the emperor would never visit a random peasant just to help them fix their broken plow or treat them to a nice meal, but your village head could, and your relationship would probably be warmer and a lot more personal as a result.

-Your respect for them was more likely to stem from the things they actually did for you and the village as a whole, instead of something owed to this distant, powerful authority you might never get to see in your lifetime, but could change its course with a single stroke of a brush.

-Now exchange "village head" for your run-of-the-mill Tudis and Chenghuangs and friendly neighborhood spirits (because yes, people worshipped yaoguais for the exact same reasons), emperor + his officials for the Celestial Bureaucracy, and you'd have a basic idea of how Chinese religions worked on the ground level.

-This is far from absolute: maybe your village head was a spiteful old bastard who loved bullying his juniors, maybe your regional magistrate was an honest, upright man who could enjoy a good drink and a good laugh, maybe the emperor was a lenient one and wouldn't chop your head off for petty offenses. But their general degree of power over you and the closeness of your relationships still apply.

-Complicating the matter further, some folk gods (like Wutong) were worshipped not because they brought blessings, but because they were the divine equivalent of gangsters running a protection racket: you basically bribed them with offerings so they'd leave you alone and not wreck your shit. Famous people who died violently and were posthumously deified often fell into this category——shockingly enough, Guan Yu used to be one such god!

-Yeah, kinda like how your average guy could become an official through the imperial examinations, so could humans become gods through posthumous worship, or cultivate themselves into immortals and Enlightened beings.

-Some immortals aren't qualified for, or interested in a position in the Celestial Bureaucracy——they are the equivalent of your hermits, your cloistered Daoist priests, your common literati who kept trying and failing the exams. But some do get a job offer and gladly take it.

-Anyways, back to my original point: that's why it's so absurd when people pull the "Respect Chinese Religion1!!1!" card and immediately follow up with "Would you do X to Jesus?"

-Um, there are a lot of things you can do with Chinese gods that I'm pretty sure you can't do with Jesus. Like worshipping him side by side with Buddha and Confucius (Lao Tzu). Or inviting him to possess you and drink copious amount of alcohol (Tang-ki mediums in SEA). Or genderbend him into a woman over the course of several centuries because folks just like that version of Jesus better (Guan Yin/Avalokitesvara).

-But most importantly, Chinese religions are kinda a "free market" where you could pick and choose between gods, based on their vicinity to you and how efficient they were at answering prayers. You respect them because they'll help you out, you aren't an asshole and know your manners, and pissing them off is a bad idea in general, not because they are some omnipotent, perfect beings who demand exclusive and total reverence.

-A lot of the worship was also, well, very "practical" and almost transactional in nature: leave offerings to Great Immortal Hu, and he doesn't steal your imperial seal while you aren't looking. Perform the rites right and meditate on a Thunder General's visage, and you can temporarily channel said deity's power. Get this talisman for your kids at Bixia Yuanjun's temple, and they'll be protected from smallpox.

-"Faith alone" or "Scripture alone" is seldom the reason people worship popular deities. Even the obsession with afterlife wasn't about the eternal destination of your soul, and more about reducing the potential duration of the prison sentence for you and your loved ones so you can move on faster and reincarnate into a better life.

-Also, there isn't a single "canon" of scriptures. Many popular gods don't show up in Daoist literature until much later. Daoist scriptures often came up with their own gigantic pantheons, full of gods no one had heard of prior to said book, or enjoyed no worship in temples whatsoever.

-In the same way famous dead people could become gods via worship, famous fictional characters could, too, become gods of folk religion——FSYY's pantheon was very influential on popular worship, but that doesn't mean you should take the novels as actual scriptures.

-Like, God-Demon novels are to orthodox Daoism/Buddhism what the Divine Comedy is to medieval Christian doctrines, except no priests had actually built a Church of Saint Beatrice, while Daoists did put FSYY characters into their temples. By their very nature, the worship that stemmed from these books is not on the same level of "seriousness" as, say, the Tiantai school of Buddhism and their veneration of the Lotus Sutra.

-At the risk of being guilty of the same insertion of Abrahamic religion where it doesn't belong: You don't cite Dante's Inferno in a theological debate, nor would any self-respecting pastor preach it to churchgoers on a Sunday.

-Similarly, you don't use JTTW or FSYY as your sole evidence for why something is "disrespectful to Chinese religion/tradition" when many practitioners of said religions won't treat them as anything more than fantasy novels.

-In fact, let's use Tripitaka as an example. The historical Xuanzang was an extraordinarily talented, faithful, and determined monk. In JTTW, he was a caricature of a Confucian scholar in a Buddhist kasaya and served the same narrative function as Princess Peach in a Mario game.

-Does the presence of satire alone make JTTW anti-Buddhist, or its religious allegories less poignant? I'd say no. Should you take it as seriously as actual Buddhist sutras, when the book didn't even take itself 100% seriously? Also no.

-To expand further on the idea of "seriousness": even outside of vernacular novels, practitioners are not beholden to a universal set of strict religious laws and taboos.

-Both Daoism and Buddhism had what we called "cloistered" and "non-cloistered" adherents; only the former needed to follow their religious laws and (usually) took a vow of celibacy.

-Certain paths of Daoist cultivation allow for alcohol and sexual activities (thanks @ruibaozha for the info), and some immortals, like Lv Dongbin, had a well-established "playboy" reputation in folklore.

-Though it was rarer for Buddhism and very misunderstood, esoteric variants of it did utilize sexual imageries and sex. And, again, most of the above would not apply if you weren't among the cloistered and ordained clergy.

-Furthermore, not even the worship of gods is mandatory! You could just be a Daoist who was really into internal alchemy, cultivating your body and mind in order to prolong your lifespan and, ideally, attain immortality.

-This idea of "respect" as…for a lack of better words, No Fun & R18 Stuff Allowed, you must treat all divinity with fearful reverence and put yourself completely at their mercy, is NOT the norm in Chinese religious traditions.

-There are different degrees and types of respect, and not every god is supposed to be treated like the Supreme Heavenly Emperor himself during an imperial ceremony; the gods are capable of cracking a joke, and so are we!

TL;DR: Religions are complicated, and you aren't respecting Chinese religions by acting like a stereotypical Puritan over popular Chinese deities and their fictional portrayals.

#chinese religion #chinese mythology #chinese folklore #fandom discourse #journey to the west #xiyouji #investiture of the gods #fengshen yanyi

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punksocks · 11 months

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Astrology observations No.15

*just my opinions, take them with a grain of salt

-Neptune hard aspects to Mercury/ Neptune in 3rd/Pisces Mercury- people may constantly underestimate your intelligence and they’re genuinely surprised if you’re observant/smart

-The only Virgo risings I’ve known that are not skinny/petite have mars conjunct asc (even then they had a period of time when they were really skinny and either got out of that on purpose or on accident)

-Did you notice that a lot of Cancer Asc men get cast as like “traditional” manly men. I saw Ben Affleck was a Cancer Asc and Kurt Russel! They’re both known for their action movies (I like Kurt Russel more lol) and I was looking at Jon Hamm’s birth chart and he’s a cancer Asc too. He prefers to be a comedy guy, but looks like he walked out of the 50s so he had his breakthrough in mad men. (There’s also a lot going on there with that whole hazing scandal that I note everytime I see him so that’s a lot)

-Libra mars Asc try not to get frustrated but often their mars energy leaks out in other ways and they end up expressing their anger somehow despite the passive aggressive placement for a mars sign

-Fire Mercuries (especially Leo and Sagittarius) copy speech patterns/catch phrases a lot imo, almost as much as water Mercuries but less exact mimicry. Earth Mercuries tend to have very specific speech patterns that don’t change too much throughout their life, they can be very direct and to the point but will have a great deal of detail to share depending on the subject. Air Mercuries tend to have very distinct speech patterns and usually are the most likely to talk and write in their own sort of prose, I’ve known a few (specifically Gemini Mercuries) that have overcome speech impediments and become great, captivating speakers.

-Pluto touching Saturn can amplify its lessons and effects to a higher degree. (Trine, Sextile) will make the experiences more intense but conjunction, opposition, and square could make these effects explosive and intense. With both positive and negative aspects the native will be forced to transform and change their ways- with the negative aspects (conjunct, opposition, square) the native will feel the trials they go through in these transformations

-12th house placements can give you psychic dreams, I’ve also frequently dreamed being people other than myself. Mars will have action oriented dreams. Sun may have more dreams about experiences they’ve had echoing in their dreams. Moon will have deep emotional experiences. Venus may dream about love and friendships.

-Moon opposition sun synastry can create a lot of tension in a romantic relationship. There seems to be some underlying competitiveness going on. Especially if the moon and the sun are Cardinal signs.

-Moon conjunct Sun synastry can be intense. I think it shows how conjunct can be a negative aspect. The energies can understand each other sure, but they can also become an echo chamber of feeding into each other’s egos. I feel similarly about Sun conjunct Asc synastry. (My parents had this and oof, if that relationship isn’t karmic anyway it’s even more so now..)

-The only conjunct synastry I think I had intensely play out was Scorpio moon conjunct my Asc (I didn’t even realize it at the time) it was a lot! Fun and passionate but also he would get so overwhelmed he would be just shaking in normal conversation. Felt like with that and the 8th house synastry and my venus conjunct his pluto there was no was to turn the heat down and be normal with each other. Like we knew it would be short term but he was like talking about the future then I was overthinking the future and then it was over and idk that’s too much imo lol, lil dramatic just to be over in a snap. (Local Capricorn moon doesn’t get what all the fuss is about lol)

-Plus you can have all the positive synastry in the world, it really depends on timing and effort and individual choices and joint communication to work on your relationship, it’s an effort game

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alargehunkofdebris · 10 months

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the necessary anguish of the Good Omens 2 finale

Ah ok. So after 4 years of waiting post Season One and ten cumulative years of bookish fannery, I watched bonified New Content of Good Omens. And when those credits rolled, I sat there, not in my expected state of pleasant satisfaction, but in a state of abject shock.

I actually don’t know if I’ve ever had such a reaction to a show before. Or, rather, that I could still have such a reaction. I’m thirty, for goodness sakes – I was planning on being thrilled and charmed and entertained, not having my hands shake so much that it was hard to type a text. I wasn’t planning on losing an entire night of sleep because my heart wouldn’t stop pounding really hard, Neil. This was not expected. I had an estate sale to run the next day – by God, I needed that sleep.

Anyway. These are my thoughts on the season, and on this upswell of mourning/unhappiness at such a gut-wrenching ending. As always, this are my dumb opinions and nothing more; take with a grain of salt, etc.

I have seen a lot of suffering on Tumblr today. Everyone is in pain, and it makes sense. I, too, am in pain. But I might be in the minority, because I thanked God/Mr. Gaiman when things turned to pure pain in the end. Because narratively, despite the anguish we all feel, this is how it needs to be. And I was getting real worried there for a second.

When we have a mini-series (ie, a show with a set number of seasons) it can’t act the same as a series without a set end. We’ve got three potential seasons; therefore, they logically should behave like a three-act play, or the three acts in the standard Western movie/book plot. This middle season is the middle act, the second act. While it definitely doesn’t work exactly the same way, and needs its own story arc to work as a season, it is still functionally the middle part of one overarching plot.

And what usually happens near the end of the second act? All Is Lost, and the Dark Night of the Soul.

We NEED this to happen. This is what makes a plot delicious. If we’d had this perfect, lovely, romantic season where the stakes aren’t raised one bit and everything is fixed at the end, we would want for nothing and the gorgeous tension that keeps us waiting and watching would be lost. We wouldn’t feel that drive to create fanfics and fanart, we wouldn’t have the need to speculate or dream, because most of the tension was eased, and you just can’t have that if you want a highly anticipated third season. We’d have nothing huge and concrete to look forward to.

In fact, I was getting really worried once the Ineffable Bureaucracy started happening on screen, because I could see (I thought) past that bend in the road toward the end. I could see how this season might conclude, with big happy confessions of love and hugs and handholding (that’s all I expected, because I only expected the same chaste level of affection with both angelic/demonic couples) and then…then it’d all be over. What more could there be? I mean, there certainly could be more, but THIS is the main thing people waited for. The Happy Confession. The hug. The handholding. Whatever we got. And in my mind, having it now, at the end of season two, just wasn’t adding up – it did not fit. It couldn’t. No, we can’t have this now. It doesn’t work.

I get this peculiar thing that happens when things start getting too “everything is great!” in a story. I get the “someone needs to die” instinct. Instead of pure happiness that things are going great, there’s this feeling of intense discomfort, because I feel the weight of the shoe that’s failing to drop. I need it to drop, or else it throws off my entire standard-Western-narrative-trained brain’s balance. In the build up to The Scene, when things seem to be going swimmingly and heading directly towards the happiest and syrupiest of endings, I had to pause and pace my living room and roll around on the floor to alleviate the sheer build up of stress. Things can’t go this well. They can’t. There hasn’t been enough bad things, this is too sweet, too much. Can’t handle it. This can’t just be pure wish-fulfillment at this point; Good Omens shouldn’t work that way, it never has. We’d be happy in the moment, but then it’ll ultimately be a let down. No more danger. Nothing keeping them apart. No more tension, no more story. It was all too easy.

And then, finally, that shoe dropped. After a season of mainly getting along and being just thrilled with each other, they began to really argue. Things got horrific and serious, and I literally let out a breath of relief. I was able to watch without pausing every two minutes for a breather. Ok. Things weren’t over. This wasn’t the end. We had more to wait for.

And then it went on. The confession started, but in that gorgeously wrong way. And for the first time that season, I was actually feeling the stress of the story. Yes, there was danger throughout this season, but it was always layered with humour and wit. You didn’t get a demon scene without them doing something hilariously stupid. You didn’t get an angel scene without them being delightfully out-of-touch. The stakes were high, but they weren’t allowed to get EXTREMELY high. We never thought there was any question of them getting out of scrapes unscathed, because it was never all serious.

Never…until now. There was zero humour at this point. After 6 episodes of being pleasantly delighted, I was feeling the dread. However, I still thought I knew where it was going.

See, I thought I had it figured out. If I had any extra money, I would have bet some of it. I knew that, whilst they’d likely have some kind of subtle confession of love and caring, and perhaps a touch – a hug, or a hand-hold (like Gabe and Beez) – I knew we couldn’t expect a kiss. This is a story thirty-three years in the making, and it’s always been in that grey area. They weren’t humans; they didn’t necessarily show affection that way. Besides that, we’ve had so many TV shows that get close, but rarely ones that go all the way to smoochville. OFMD was one of the very first, but it was new. It wasn’t an old, established story from the 90s like this is. It didn’t have decades-old fans waiting with bated breath for canon content. For Good Omens, we heard it time and time again in interviews; it’s a kind of love story. They had this kind of marriage. They cared for each other. They had a bromance. It’s close, but never quite there. So I thought I knew exactly how this would go, and would be thrilled with what we got.

And then it absolutely didn’t go that way. It went exactly as far as so many hoped. And it went there like a knife to the gut.

And it was perfect.

Goddamn, what a season ending. Despite my lack of appetite and failure to sleep, I could not be happier with what Mr. Gaiman did. I am screaming crying throwing up and I’m thrilled about it.

The middle of a story is typically what drags; it never holds the highest stakes. Lord knows what we’re going to get in season three (knocking on wood), but I can only expect it to get bigger and heavier. And by God and/or Satan, am I prepared, in this deliciously painful purgatory, to wait and see.

#good omens #good omens 2 spoilers #go2 spoilers #good omens season 2 #good omens season 2 spoilers #good omens 2 #go2 #gos2 spoilers #gos2 #neil gaiman

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cloveroctobers · 4 months

Text

FEBRUARY FLUFF — CARMY BERZATTO.

A/N: so carmy won this time around!!! Thanks to all those that voted and ultimately made this decision for me lol. Hope you guys enjoy this and have a safe, healthy, and happy love season 🩷 + yes this is a mixture of fluff and angst...i mean come on! I wouldn't be me if i didn't include that in here somewhere!

PROMPTS ARE FROM HERE + HERE & I’m using: 1. “…Okay, so the only way for us to enjoy that huge discount is to act like we’re dating.” “What, so you’d fake date me for discounted food but you wouldn’t real date me even though I could take you out to the best restaurants out there in town every fucking night if you wanted me to?” + always giving the other the first bite of their food < or the last.

WARNINGS/SN: I wrote with a black or brown reader in mind although reader isn't physically described + they’re given a name only when mentioned, language is a thing here duh!, this is LENGTHY, lots of timelines: reader + nat became friendly before season 1 during the summer prior to 7 fishes which is estimated to be five years before season 2, reader knows of carmy due to past work, I feel like she can be just a few year(s) older than carmy but younger than nat—there’s a age gap for the Berzatto’s anyways, sexual relations are mentioned, this piece takes place months after the grand opening, & finally there’s a possible chance for a poly relationship or maybe just multiple crushes going on? Take that how you will.

𓍯𓂃𓏧♡ 𓍯𓂃𓏧♡ 𓍯𓂃𓏧♡ 𓍯𓂃𓏧♡ 𓍯𓂃𓏧♡

it was a Sunday.

The kind of Sunday you woke up embarrassed about but knew you had to swallow your pride and just send out that text. You knew you wouldn’t be judged regardless reaching out to Fak because he’s built to deal with things like this and never made you feel like shit about anything.

You usually had to squeeze it out of him to get him to lay out any cons about a situation but appreciated most times when he didn’t. Your minds been going haywire with a recent assignment as a food journalist and it really slipped your mind, although you were usually a quick thinker, you’ve been stressed over this recent restaurant. Thankfully it clicked for you after throwing a tantrum to simply reach out to Fak to come help you out.

The stupid lever in your bathroom decided to stop flushing on you and of course you panicked. Who wouldn’t panic in a situation like that? You no longer had a roommate and strongly debated if you even wanted to search for another; after the shady actions of the previous one, so you really didn’t have to worry about them giving you shit either. (Let’s see if your rent feels the same next month!)

It was just you in the end and perhaps you were learning to be okay with that.

Yet that didn’t stop you from FaceTiming Sydney about it. “Hey Siddy, how’s your day going?”

“Pretty good, yours?” She politely asked as she moved down the hallway of her shared apartment to prop her phone on the pedestal sink, moving around her functioning bathroom to grab some oil to grease her scalp.

Smacking your lips you glare, “it fucking sucks.”

“Oh?” Sydney questioned, appearing back in frame, “what happened? Did someone egg and scratch up your car again after a review you gave them? Noo wait, don’t tell me there’s a bullet hole?!”

That was light work compared to New York (it really wasn’t a competition of which state had its worst moments but your home state left you kinda triggered, not gonna lie!) where you were just starting off and those that were in tune with the culinary world didn’t take your words with a grain of salt. Most nights you still woke up gasping for air, reaching for your throat due to some trauma of a break in from a well-known nepo-baby chef. Don’t get that twisted, your mom didn’t raise no punk but that didn’t mean those events didn’t mess with your mental and you acknowledged that every time you had a nightmare. They only served three years and five months compared to the original five year sentence.

Ah the system…got to love how that works out for the privileged!

You shrugged, “no…the threats have been pretty tame lately so I can give myself a pat on the back for that. However! I still am in a crisis.”

Sydney begins to move her braids around to expose her scalp, “Elaborate for me.”

“My toilet won’t flush!” You whine, laying flat on your messy bed. You tended to not make your bed on Saturdays and didn’t get around to making it today—although it was after 3pm.

Sydney asks, “Like the waste won’t go down…?”

“Exactly!” You confirm throwing your arm over your eyes dramatically, “The lever thing is moving like my old dislocated shoulder.”

Sydney gags, “don’t fucking remind me of that day. That was spooky to witness but I am glad you healed from that.”

“Thanks girl, means a lot, truly.”

Sydney gives a small smile, “don’t mention it…have you considered YouTubing it? That’s what I do when I don’t want to ask anyone for help and figure it out by myself.”

You hummed knowing this was true. In a sense you could be like that too, especially when it came to the working field, since writers can tend to be some nasty bitches and always in rivalry with each other. You made a name for yourself in Chicago as well, coming from New York where you worked just as hard-maybe even harder than the rest to mean and write exactly how you felt about cuisine, regardless if anyone agreed or not. It wasn’t about if people liked you, the relationship with food would always be more significant and hold value in your life, just like the rest of these chef’s you encountered and you got that, people were allowed to be sensitive about their work. You’ve come toe to toe with many chef’s around the world who didn’t like your take on their craft but that didn’t mean you didn’t understand them. They hardly took the time to really dive into your ratings and automatically took it as you shit talking or not having any idea what you were saying since you “weren’t really a chef,” but you knew your worth most days.

Yes you could be straight forward but that didn’t mean you lacked compassion like some chef’s liked to think according to your reviews. You often wrote in a way that was puzzling to some, almost philosophical or riddle like with your own twist. Some just didn’t get it and that was okay but you wouldn’t back down from any confrontation. The second they didn’t want to really listen, that’s when you removed yourself from the escalating problem. It didn’t have to get violent like some wanted to inflict.

“Why didn’t I think of that?!” You exasperated, slapping the palm of your hand to your forehead.

Sydney snorted, “maybe because you’re under a lot of pressure lately and the most simplest of things don’t come as easily as they should.”

“You would think I have high blood pressure with the way these past two weeks have been.”

Sydney says, “give it time.”

“Gee, thanks! That’s exactly the kind of shit I want to hear from you.” You roll your eyes at the blurt of words that commonly escaped the braided girl’s mouth.

Sydney breathes out a laugh, “I’m just joking!”

“Yeah, yeah! Maybe I should text fak back and tell him not to come by!”

“You asked fak instead of the apartment manager?” Sydney is in amazement.

“Fuck that noise, he’s so full of shit that he should see a doctor about it. He’ll show up to analyze the problem, then acts like he’s going to fit you into the schedule and then when you catch him in the lobby he pretends that he has amnesia.” You commented with a scowl.

You get ready to minimize the call to text fak but some obnoxious knocks at the door made you pop up from your bed. “That was fast!”

Hopping up from the bed and padding out of the last bedroom in the apartment, you made the journey through the foyer to the awaiting black front door. Peeking through the peephole you spot Fak grinning widely up into it, almost making you jump back.

“He’s made it Siddy! I’ll call you back!”

“K. Good luck!” Sydney calls out before you end the call to pull the door wide open.

“Neil!” You scream, quickly latching onto his tatted wrist ready to yank him in until you notice someone else is with him, “…why is he here?” You point.

Fak quickly glances over at a brimmed Carmy who raised a brow at him in a silent told you so manner, “I mean we were having a boy’s day when you called and I didn’t want my buddy to be left out. Plus, it’s always great to have some assistance.”

“…i find it hard to believe that Carmen wants to fix my toilet.” You cross your arms, poking out your hip as you stare at him.

Carmen shrugs his shoulders, “I wanted to wait in the car if it makes you feel any better.”

“Hmm…it doesn’t.”

Carmy rolls his eyes, pinching at the bridge of his nose briefly in agitation, “you know what, fak you’ve got this right? I know you do so—

“Nope!” Fak quickly interrupts, “this maybe a two person job so aspie if you just let us do what we came to do—

Shooting an arm out to block the doorway you peer into Fak’s dark teal eyes to show you mean business, “didn’t I say I dislike that nickname, Neil?”

He nods.

“Also i find it offensive that you brought an uninvited guest to my place.”

“Just be glad it wasn’t Richie because that was also a possibility before he ran off to pick up the kid.” Carmy snaps making you roll your eyes.

If Richie was here you been would have slammed the door in both Fak and his face. Sure you had some sort of tension with Carmy and beef with .......his cousin but at least Carmy only gave it back to you when he had the energy to—meaning if he was already on one. The issue was simple, you wrote a not so nice review once before when the eldest berzatto, Michael was alive and running the joint. Richie couldn’t forget that and actually kept the clipping, yes the clipping of the review way back when. He had the receipts to show Carmy and Carmy actually brushed it off then, not seeming to really care or doubt some of the words that were said.

He came to revamp the place because Mikey left it for him, to fix the mess his big brother left behind, to create what they’ve always dreamed of. Sure he got shit for it in the beginning and part of him felt like maybe that was your case too? He could relate to you on that, yet the weight was slightly different on his part and he even spoke with you not long after he found those tomato cans.

That gave him a certain push he couldn’t really explain. He may have done a brief dive on you, wondering why you felt acquainted to him—completely forgetting about seeing you once around Noma—choosing to start with reading previous reviews by you on other restaurants here in Chicago and a few interviews you’ve done over the world. You weren’t just some nobody, you held your titles well and it reflected in your work.

You weren’t clueless.

He just didn’t really know what he was dealing with until a short time ago.

What he didn’t expect was for you to show up again on opening night with a certain head chef, also from New York. That made carmy more anxious than anything, seeing you sitting beside that four eyed fuck ready to set off a tornado in the heart of the bear. Was that your motive all along? With carmy attempting to build a bridge, not for you to kiss his ass with praise but there was a odd need to have a simple conversation with you. It was weird but it seemed like Sydney, Fak, and Nat liked you?

The jury was still out with the rest—except Richie but you were a mystery to Carmy. However carmy wasn’t the best at putting a read on people or their emotions in the first place, he was good at fucking that up unless you’re screaming it into his face. That’s just how he operated.

“You two can come in—only because I don’t have the patience with the manager here and Neil’s the best I’m gonna get.” You state while fak slaps a hand on his chest.

“That was really sweet, Aspen.” Fak cooed ready to pull you into a bone crushing hug but you hold up a finger.

“Save the hugs until after you fix my problem.”

“You got it boss,” Fak salutes before diving under your arm to travel through your apartment, ooo-ing and ah-ing before finding the bathroom around the corner from the living room.

Sighing you drop your arm and wave carmy through, who keeps his view straight while traveling through the hallway. You call out to him, “you can have a seat on the couch.”

“What? Did you drop a load or something and is that the real reason why you don’t want me to help Fak?” Carmy comes right out with it, nose twitching in amusement after whipping around to face you in the center of the living room.

See…only when he’s frustrated or overly focused will he just let it out. Some may look at this as Carmy attempting to make a joke but you took that somewhat personally. The only thing you were thinking after he said this was: What an ego on this one huh?

You stop on your heels and tilt your head to the side, “are you telling me that you think women or fem pronoun users don’t take shits? Do you know what it feels like to have period shits?”

Carmy blinks at you and shouts with his hands out, “I...don't even know what the fuck you're getting at? I wasn't even trying to be sexist to you just then! I asked you a honest question—

“About you being in my business,” you pointed out, “contrary to your beliefs I have a heart and decided to be nice to you and let you stay in my place to keep warm. You’re welcome!”

“Oh bullshit, don’t act like you’re doin’ me any favors.” Carmy scowls, “you don’t even want me here.”

You shrug, “yet you’re here in my apartment, yelling.”

Carmy exhaled while you smirked at him sweetly before turning to lean against the wall that leads to the bathroom.

“Everything okay in there, Neil?”

“Oh yeah!” He says, “I think I figured out the problem. Easy peasy!”

“Great!” You exclaim, pulling your phone out from your sweats to read a very important email.

The weight of stress seemed to lift a good chunk as you quickly responded to a email that you’ve been waiting for. You’ve been invited out (squeezed in) to a taste test at this restaurant for this evening that you’ve been trying to get into for a month before you brought it up to your employer. The deadline was approaching for the end of this week to have a review ready and they just responded to you five days before that deadline! Reading over it twice, the squeal in you slipped through your smile until you read the exceptions.

If you were to go over the amount of food purchased, which you would put on the company card anyways, you can get a discount if you brought a plus one and some reimbursement if the review was satisfactory to the owners—which the last part wasn’t unfamiliar to you.

You usually didn’t bring a plus one to any of the places you did reviews for, you got comfortable doing outings all on your own but this was different. Sure you were somewhat known in the culinary world but that didn’t mean you were a millionaire and this restaurant was apparently upscale. There was a waiting list regardless of your status—even for the celebrities that went there so this was a big deal and they gave you a short notice. Usually Sundays were known for a reset for the week but what better way to start it?

You don’t go forward with reaching out to anybody else that you work with. This was your battle and you were aware that two of your other co-workers also reached out to this restaurant. You just hoped you were the only one they picked and wouldn’t miss out on the great opportunity just because you weren’t sure about your guest.

A few hours before show time and you had to find somebody to attend with you. Your best friend was away in Cabo for a honeymoon, the other (who recently planned on moving to ATL) was dealing with the flu and had their no good ex boyfriend taking care of them, Sydney was suddenly MIA, and you even considered inviting Natalie Berzatto to piss carmy off just a bit.

“Hey, Nat!” You greet into the phone as you walk into the kitchen, witnessing Carmy perk up from the couch.

It’s small talk at first: you asking about how her day is going as a mom to be, if she’s going to be at the bear tomorrow, did she watch the Emmy’s the other night, tell her husband you said hello, and then finally if she had plans for tonight.

“…are you asking me to hang out?”

“We had fun at that club way back when no?”

“Yeah! But that was how long ago?”

You knew it’s been awhile. You were always friendly with Natalie, meeting her first—well second out of the siblings down at the small mart one summer you helped out at that your great-uncle owned. She was huffing about something her boyfriend at the time, Pete forgot to bring her and some groceries she was picking up for her mom. You were cool enough to become Facebook friends, exchange numbers, go out for coffee and go to the club together. This wasn’t unusual to call each other randomly but you knew she commonly got shit from Michael and Richard about her talking and hanging out with you.

The thing about Natalie Berzatto is that she always tried to give people the benefit of the doubt. Yes she saw your review yet she kinda laughed about it initially but it was all fuck you’s from the other two loud mouth’s. Of course she was going to listen to her brother but she still had a mind of her own. she didn’t care to listen to Richie go off but she understood how Michael felt, although she was the only other Berzatto that heard you out.

Except you didn’t owe anybody an explanation even if some felt you were more cutthroat in your younger years.

“...Before you and Pete even thought about marriage?”

You were younger than them but you imagined how it would always work out for Nat and Pete, which included growing old together.

“Wow! Yeah that sounds right.”

“So…?”

“Can’t do it.”

“You didn’t even hear all the details!”

“I know, I know and it sounds like it’ll be a real fucking blast but if this kid wasn’t sitting on my sciatic nerve constantly and if my feet weren’t the size of two honeydews…I totally would! But I’ll have to decline this time around—so please don’t hate me!”

“I could never!”

“You know you could always ask carmy-

“Why on earth would I do that?” Your reply was instant.

Natalie sighed over the phone, “aspen…the potential of friendship and love is a beautiful thing.”

You scrunched up your face at the phone before placing it back to your ear.

“Do you want me to hang up on you?”

“I’d call you a rude bitch if you did but then get over it.”

“I can live with that because I know it’s real love between you and I.”

“…whatever that means.”

“Right.”

You both laugh, knowing just how weird the subject of love can be. Although you didn’t talk all the time it was always okay for one of the other to drop a venting text or call each other’s way and know the other would get around to responding. The both of you may not be the best of friends but you did consider each other friends regardless. There were conversations between the both of you that no one knew about and would be a constant reminder of what kind of friends the both of you would remain.

Natalie wished things could have been resolved between you and Michael but she reassured that the dislike wasn’t as deep as it seemed. There was no secret that you felt awful about how his life ended and being there for nat during that time also meant a lot. She told you that one of the last conversations she had with Michael was about you and it felt as if he was learning to let go of your review, slowly taking in Nat’s words of you not having a cruel bone in your body especially with all that you’ve done for her.

Anybody that showed his sister true friendship couldn’t be complete garbage. As much as he tolerated Pete, Michael was always aware that he was good enough for his sister. They were all cut from different cloths and the Berzatto’s were just from the same but opposite corner’s.

Natalie telling you this was not to erase any worries you had since that is always brought to the surface when someone you’ve been face to face with before decides to end it all. It was to show you that nobody ever truly knows what anyone is thinking whether there is love there or not.

You can feel Natalie smiling through the phone, “Think about it…all that tension could be smoothed out if you extend the olive branch…now it’s your turn.”

“It’s not my fault he switched up on me after your opening night.” You didn’t lower your voice or make it louder but you were definitely staring at carmy now who was side eyeing you, looking like phineas from phineas and ferb.

“That’s something you need to talk to him about, don’t you think?” Her tone was always so gentle that it made you sick sometimes because she could be right.

“I’m not here to do think pieces.”

“…aren’t you a writer?”

“Have a good night, nat.”

“Ta-Ta!” Natalie sing-songs, “be sure to send me the deets later because carmy never tells me anything! Bye! Chat later!”

Hanging up the phone, you slide it onto the counter and tap your nails against the island. To the right of you, you pick up on some clinking in the bathroom—which sounds somewhat normal and zone in on carmy who’s also holding onto his phone but staring at the blank tv in thought.

“Hey, Carmen.” You call his name.

His bright blues turn to you as if he hasn’t been eavesdropping on your conversation here and there between his texts with Marcus.

“You. Me. The Saffron Simmer. 7pm.”

The air is frigid as the both of you hunch your shoulders shoving through Chicago’s winter. Shockingly the streets are filled with cars tonight so you had to park on the next street over before walking up and around to The Saffron Simmer. Carmy offered to drive, which was a debate—no shock there—since there was no way he was leaving the bear stock van behind for no license having fak to play around in.

Fak definitely found that offensive and said he didn’t mind hanging out at your place, being done with your toilet but with the look you sent him he said he’s find an Uber or fak2 can pick him up. It’s not like you didn’t trust fak in your place…it’s just that the possibilities of what he can get into are endless.

You also didn’t want to ride in the bear’s van not because of shallow reasons, you just wanted to annoy carmy just a bit more for fun. Walking mostly everywhere was the way to go growing up in New York and Carmy working there so doing so here in Chicago wasnt foreign either. However with the type of cold here in this city is enough to give the bravest of hearts hypothermia. So obviously driving was the best option, it’s just the petty back and forth between you two of who will drive had to be spewed.

Eventually you gave in and sat in the passenger side of the van, being on DJ duty for the twenty-five minute drive—something carmy didn’t care to argue over. The both of you made it on time, throwing the door back for carmy to catch then bouncing on your toes while he blew into his gloveless hands waiting on the greeter to find your reservation.

The pictures didn’t do The saffron simmer any justice. There was so much to look at with its modernized speakeasy décor and the high ceilings did a superb job of making the both of you feel small in the spacious space. Thankfully the dress code was business casual so you didn’t have to go all out but you still put in the effort of looking your best in simple attire. You’re shrugging out of your scarf, earmuffs, and puffer coat while Carmy is already seated; with only the removal of his cap across from you in a chair.

He’s watching you as you place everything neatly to the right of you before you're taking a seat in the leather oversized chair, then digging through your tote to pull out your notepad, Sony camera, phone, and bolt pen. You quickly scribble something on the first line and circle it before dropping your pen.

Rolling the sleeves of your long sleeves back underneath your blazer, you roll your shoulders with a close of your eyes before opening them with a look of determination.

“Wow, that was something.” Carmy tells you, making you set your eyes back on him, forgetting just that quick that he was your plus one.

Clasping your hands together you quirk up a brow, “What?”

“Watching you prep.”

You dip your head, “should have seen me before I got dressed…much worse.”

A smirk appears on the corner of Carmy’s lips, “oh yeah?”

“Well yes, I can contain myself in public, Carmen. Your home is supposed to be your safe space so that’s the best place to go a little crazy sometimes.” You inform, yet still not giving too much away.

“Why are you in your head about this place anyway?” Carmy peers around the slightly filled dining area before meeting your eyes once more.

You lift your shoulders, “have you seen the way they market this place? Giving not too much away although it’s top ten restaurants here and I can either contribute to its success or its downfall. They picked me for a reason so my review matters at the end of this year.”

“But you uh-get a thrill out of this shit don’t you? It’s what you signed up for, right?” Carmy is actually relaxed against the chair across from you.

Which is a sight to see.

You state, “it’s part of the job, if that’s what you mean.”

Carmy blinks and seems to get it, “and so you stay.”

“So I stay.” You echo while holding his stare, which is broken by a piece of the stone table lifting and showcasing the menu illuminated by sepia lighting in the dark of the restaurant.

Carmy’s bright eyes are wide as he stares at the menu that appears right in front of your faces. There’s a grin on your face as you rest your fingertips around its rough edges, almost as if you were expecting this while carmy blows out a breath.

“The hell is this place?”

You peek over at him, “some next level shit, berzatto.”

“Yeah…I think I’m starting to catch on.”

You turn your attention back to the menu, swiping your fingertips along the touch screen although you’ve heard things about the menu, which they kept offline since apparently it renews monthly.

“What looks good?”

“Uh…these pages aren’t even labeled." Carmy exhales through his nose, eyes searching all over the tablet, "I have no clue. You?”

The words come at ease for you, "One of almost everything maybe?”

“Sounds good...I guess?”

“On me by the way,” you state with a wink as you flash your company card.

“I’ll get the tip then.” Carmy pats his jeans, the left containing his carton of cigarettes, the right holding his keys, lifting his hips he checks for his wallet although he’s been sitting on his behind for about ten minutes now.

You don’t argue with that, eyes in awe at the selection of items as you start ordering, “don’t forget to order your drink.”

“Water should be fine,” Carmy mutters to himself, eyes scanning over the first strange title of water that is described as flower and ginger infused purified water and decides to go with that.

You finally express after rapidly letting your fingers go over the screen and taking a picture with your phone, “…Okay, so the only way for us to enjoy that huge discount is to act like we’re dating.”

It sounded so easy to you as you quickly shifted to pick up your pen and start writing notes.

“What was that?” Carmy pressed his elbows into the edge of the table, making sure he heard you right since he’s not even sure if he can trust his inner thoughts lately.

You’re still scribbling but also turning your face towards the messy haired chef, “you heard me. We have to act like we’re in a relationship because I’ve definitely went over the budget on the card.”

“That’s not really my problem?”

“Yes it is,” you demand, “you agreed to be my plus one so that’s that. Plus this menu further confirmed my suspicions from the email.”

Carmy scratches at his brow confused, “what are you talking about, aspen?”

“Here,” you swipe across your screen towards Carmy’s device, which brings up another screen instantly to carmy who’s in awe but scans over the details.

You didn’t share the email with him but he’s heard about how high tech this restaurant is but didn’t have the time to do his own research.

*Significant others in attendance are subject to applicable discounts.*

Carmy feels his stomach cramp at the fine print and it so small that he was sure anyone could have missed that.

Not you.

“…how exactly are we supposed to prove that, hm?” He's gripping at his greasy hair now, feeling himself getting a bit worked up about this.

You fanned your hand along, “just do what couples do and follow my lead...Depending on our witnesses,” you whisper as you look around, “they could always assume that’s what we are anyways.”

Part of carmy didn’t like how that came off.

“What, so you’d fake date me for discounted food but you wouldn’t real date me even though I could take you out to the best restaurants out there in town every fucking night if you wanted me to?” Flies out of Carmy’s mouth before he can even process what he’s saying.

That stoops you too, making you press your back against the chair in thought. That wouldn’t be going down in the notes, as you stare at the pen in between your fingers for a moment. Which brings you back to Carmy’s tatted fingers first that touched you in ways that romance novelist craved to write about.

So you may have left that out, how a shared conversation about the “heartless” review of then Chicagoland turned the bear melted into hot and heavy actions in the front seat of your Mazda. It hits you in those same flashes you take of dishes: the unsure sloppy kisses, you taking the lead to get Carmy to just touch you, shaky hands that trace the tattoo from your rib cage down to your hip before soon holding steady and angled just right beneath your red tapered trousers.

“Where did that come from?” You question just as a server greets you, delivering drinks and announcing the small plates should be out in the next five minutes with a timer appearing on both of the stone tablets.

Carmy says, “you—you didn’t just think I forget right?”

“Well I was hoping.” You were honest, “neither of us are ready for relationships—especially hearing about you and Claire.”

Carmy felt his eye twitch, “and how do you know about that?”

Sydney.

You wouldn’t throw her under the bus like that although you could tell carmy already knew.

“I have my resources but don’t think I’ve been asking around about you or anything like that.” You sipped at the raspberry mint cocktail, it could be stronger.

His thumbs are shaking first on the table top but his icy stare made your chest pulsate in a way you didn't particularly like, “…would that be so bad?”

You and carmy didn’t exactly know each other well enough besides a conversation once had and with his hand down your pants! and you trying to get him to crash, clothes still on right in the center of his lap—It was a spur of the moment hookup and you could tell it was not something that happened often for carmy. He never had time for it or bothered to get attached but there was something about you that had him thinking otherwise. What was supposed to be a one time thing that you swept to the back of your mind was being brought up again.

The annoyance overtook what that feeling brought in the front seat of your ride. You weren’t ignoring carmy after that but the both of you had a lot on your plate with him renovating a restaurant and you diving back into your own work. Both fields of work seemed to matter more and not once did you think he ever thought about you in that way.

Communication was important people!

And here you thought he wanted nothing to do with you, especially with you showing up to the grand opening of The Bear. Now here you were months later, basically at your benefit, face to face hearing only pieces of what Carmen Berzatto was thinking.

“Hey, guys!” A familiar voice gathers your attention and you both turn to see Sydney smiling at you two.

Carmy widens his eyes, “Syd, what’re you doing here?”

Sydney snorted, “doing the same thing you’re doing? Having dinner.”

“Right.” He lightly shakes his head.

“Oh my god…am I interrupting this um? Date?” Sydney quickly connected the dots eyeing the both of you back and forth while you’re choking on your drink, “you okay?”

She pats your back for you while you gasp and Carmy slides over his water your way although you have your own glass near by. Gaining some air, you swallow some water and breathe through your nose. Normally you would have a response for Sydney’s joke but given what carmy just said to you had your mind running along with some burning tears you wiped away.

“So this is where you’ve been instead of answering me back?” You decide to switch the subject-you were great at that-wheezing a bit while Carmy scoffs and looks away.

Sydney frowns, “huh? When did you call me besides the FaceTime call…” she starts and pulls out her phone, “oh shit sorry. I placed it on do not disturb like thirty minutes after you didn’t call me back. I got wrapped into some entail about the menu from one of the chef’s that works here and is also a friend.”

Carmy speaks, “Didn’t know you had a connect with anybody here, Syd.”

“Can’t reveal all my moves, Carm.” She winks and lightly elbows him while Carmy sends her a small smile and a shake of his head.

Carmy asks, “scooping out our competition?”

“Only a little," She pinches her fingers before continuing, "and my dad thought it would be a place I wanted to try.” Sydney admits, “and if you two weren’t on a date I’d say let’s make this a group thing! so I’ll be going! I see my dad coming back from the bathroom…he’s got like a bladder problem and I don’t know why I’m sharing that with you two. But bye! Enjoy and just know I’ll be keeping my eye on you two.”

“Fuck,” carmy exhaled feeling his nerves rising, “don’t do that.”

Sydney chuckles to herself and sends a wave to you two before walking back to her table by the window.

“Siddy kicked me to the curb for her dad,” you sigh resting your cheek into your knuckles for a moment, “can’t be mad at that.”

“But you can be mad at me for what exactly?”

“You wanna do this with me right now?”

“Yeah, I think I do.”

“I thought we could move past what happened—

“You can say it you know? Me with my fingers inside—

“Excuse me!” You hiss, “I don’t need you to repeat action by action thank you. I was there too. We both know what happened, we’d agreed we can coexist around this big ass city. I show up to support—

“Did you though?” Carmy pressed, “support me? Or am I waiting for something else to be thrown at me with your upcoming review?”

“What?!” You bite, “is that what your stank ass attitude is about?”

Carmy tightened his jaw just as the first serving was handed over. You let him sulk in that for some time as you study the plating of the four appetizers, making note of each before taking more pictures with your sony.

“I wasn’t there to write a review.” You reply.

“I saw you—

“Let me finish. I understand pressure so I get it but you have to learn to channel your anger and this grief, elsewhere and deal with it better without projecting it onto any and everybody. I’ll tell you that right now that won’t get you anywhere and especially with me, Carmen.” You affirm.

You’ve been in Carmy’s position before so you can speak with experience. He seemed to always be waiting for the worse to continue filling up his plate but it takes time to accept the good in life. He was giving you something but you weren’t sure it was the best option for the both of you and you weren’t afraid to say that.

“Alright…I didn’t come here to talk about feelings either you know? That’s what those meetings are for.” Carmy spills just a tad.

You stare at the vibrant but delicate plating but his tone and the soft upbeat tempo above your heads don’t go unnoticed. “What did you come here for then?”

Carmy blinks and snatches up a spoon, almost weighing it in his hands before he dives the utensil into the dish. He stares as the stretch of cheese, twisting the spoon to break it apart before holding the Macaroni and Brie with Crab out for you to take the first bite.

He doesn’t answer for awhile and so you do the honors of taking a bite and savoring it's texture and taste.

“…that’s not my favorite.” You announce and notice that Carmy waited for your view.

He raises his brows, “tell me about it?”

“They need different plating.” You deeply sigh, “I know that type of plating works best for a dessert and that’s not it. There’s more breadcrumbs than meat, which seems to not be fully removed from its shell so be careful with that. It’s also lacking flavor even with the brie, which is my least favorite kind of cheese in Mac, although many swear by it.”

Carmy flicks his attention to your disappointment to you scribbling into your notepad with a shake of your head. If he was making you a dish, he’d try his hardest to make sure it was everything you ever wanted.

He quickly has his share and thinks to himself.

Carmy can agree, this was lacking flavor and the breadcrumbs didn’t even have a crunch to them. You can’t just depend on the cheese to give you flavor in Mac and cheese.

“What’s your favorite dish? I—I don’t think I ever asked you that. We just went straight into talking about the beef.”

And doing dirty things in the front seat but who needs to relive that?!

You look up from your notes and lift your chin, “you’re looking at it. It’s childish I know...but that’s exactly what it reminds me of: my childhood. Mac and cheese! then as I got into my adulthood…crab kinda took over. Which is funny because I hated on it for so long growing up. My papa—my grandad, he helped my mom raise me, he's from Ocean City so you can only imagine the amount of seafood on our table.”

You’re smiling to yourself and Carmy can’t help but to feel his small laughter lines appear by his lips as you’re locked into some memory only you can remember vividly. This was the most Carmy was learning about you, sure it may not look like much but he didn’t feel the need to dissociate even if at times he really couldn’t help it.

You were the question mark that he wanted to figure out and get all the answers to. Maybe it was his gut and he shouldn’t have blabbed to sugar about you because now Carmy was thinking this was Michael’s doing.

If you believe in that shit.

So the both of you take your time trying the small dishes before getting the main courses. It seems the longer you sit across from each other—the tension was definitely still there especially with Sydney’s eyes burning into the two of you across the room and attempting to not get caught—although she had once or twice but gradually it lifted as you and carmy shared this time together.

He watched you work while you asked for his input before you told your own. He also provided a few things he would do to tweak it if he agreed with what you didn’t enjoy. Which was eye-opening for you, yes you went to school for journalism and sat in on some cooking classes once that also tied into your passion for learning. After completing your first degree you decided culinary may take you to different heights and enrolled into culinary school. You didn’t find the need to continue going through with being a chef after Copenhagen, finding writing to be your stronger suit but you still understood food and the relationship with it when it came to chef’s.

So you took carmy’s input into consideration.

With the last serving being a Asian dessert called, “Jjan Hae,” which consisted of: coconut rice pudding served with fresh citrus (orange, grapefruit, kumquat) and coffee ice cream, topped with crispy pop rice & a shot of Korean rice wine, it was a strange concept but the both of you came to terms with the dessert working well.

Carmy even took a video to show Marcus tomorrow at the bear and sent a photo to an old colleague, Luca, that you were also familiar with considering Noma was a thing that you didn’t bother speaking much on…but it was your turn to give carmy the last serving.

He hesitated since he had his own bowl, which he finished way before you did but it was clear you wanted him to have the last bite so he also took it while saying something with his eyes.

Breaking the stare, the both of you felt your phone buzz with a text. Carmy didn’t jump to answer it right away…he was the worst texter according to Nat and Sydney but you can answer for the both of you as it was a group text from Sydney who was long gone with her dad.

Siddy + (773) XXX-XXXX: Carmy, invite aspen to breakfast in the morning?? See you guys then! 👍🏾😉

“You guys do breakfast at the bear now?” You say lifting your eyes from your screen.

You heard Sydney made a mean omelette but you haven’t been back since earlier this year and you weren’t in the mood for that that night.

Carmy frowns and closes his eyes with a shake of his head, “uh yeah it’s a new thing that Syd came up with but we agreed to do that with everyone once a month…later this month. Why?”

“She wants me to have breakfast with you guys…knowing I’m not a morning person.”

“It’s not happening tomorrow anyway, so what is she talking about?” Carmy digs into his jacket, where he carelessly shoved his phone into after sending the photo off to Luca.

Another text rings out: at carmy’s place. just us three???

Not Sydney making plans and then placing it all at Carmy’s apartment.

He’s taking a breath, almost as a silent reminder for him to do so before his thumbs move over his screen: i don’t even eat breakfast, Syd.

Syd: well youre gonna.

~ Syd has notifications silenced 🌙 ~

“Well, looks like your work wife told your ass.” You laugh, which you translated into her message but didn’t comment further than that.

Carmy harshly exhales through his nostrils in disbelief, “my work wife huh?”

He didn’t hate how that sounded but he also never thought about marriage or relationships in awhile.

“Yeah…the proof is in the pudding, no matter what anyone says.”

Carmy pinched at his bottom lip as he attempts to dryly joke, “I thought it was rice? and what about outside work…”

“That’s something you have to figure out yourself.” You shrug, getting ready to pack up your notes and cameras.

You turn your attention to the table, which knows just when to lift as you tap on the screen to signal that you’re ready to pay while holding out your company card, “are you paying cash for the tip or card?”

“Uh, cash.” Carmy answers, “…what if I’m starting to think about what come’s next?”

“With Syd?” You question, your now sage and mint scented hands flying over the screen as you select the correct paying method before tapping your company card against the screen.

Carmy starts bouncing his leg underneath the table, “with everything.”

“Well…when you’re ready you’ll make moves to make it happen won’t you?”

Carmy dips his head, “you bet.”

And here comes the intense eye contact that you can’t help but to huff out some laughter.

“What’s funny?”

“It’s just people with light eyes always do this thing where they’re just staring into your soul you know? Like damn, relax!”

Carmy’s confused as he holds his wallet open, “uh sorry for having eyes?”

“Shut up, glacier eyes.” You tell while Carmy just snorts at you.

The both of you don’t waste any time rushing back to his car as the clock is approaching 10pm. The wind’s definitely picked up and the temperature dropped, making it easier not to get caught up in the night time city lights which you often liked to do. Back in the van, carmy doesn’t wait to crank up the heat and you don’t bother to mess with the radio this time.

“So?” Carmy asks as he waits for the car to warm up some.

You keep your attention outside the window shield, “yes?”

“What’s the rating?”

“What makes you think I’m going to tell you that, Carmen?” You continue holding yourself.

He sniffs, “I mean—I was sitting across from you the entire night while you told me some of your thoughts.”

“So you thought you should also get the final score? I don’t even know what I’m going to say yet.”

“Ah, I think you’ve got some idea.” Carmy lolls his head over to peek at you.

Laughter bubbles past your lips, “I do. I’ve absolutely had better because—what the fuck was that?”

Carmen feels a crooked smirk appear on his own face, “I don’t want to completely bash other chef’s work but fuck, I thought it was just me? You said it got a 4.3 out of 5? The ambience and service was spot on but…the flavor for most of the dishes?”

“I knew you knew something about seasoning,” you continued laughing while carmy rolled his eyes, “should spend less on the tech and interior and more on some fresh herbs.”

“Isn’t it called simmer saffron?”

That made you laugh even harder as you gripped your stomach, “You’ve got that so backwards!”

And carmy couldn’t help but to scan your features as you laughed and he felt his chest getting somewhat lighter? Just listening to the sound of you and being beside you. What kind of feeling was this? He’s felt it before looking at someone else but that feeling was more of a tug with that light while this one slowly poured in from the black.

“Don’t be too hard on ‘em though? There’s always room for improvement.”

“Sure, but we both know the bear is better and you guys don’t have a waist list months in advance.”

“We also don’t have any celebrities showing up either.”

“Yet.”

Carmy taps his fingers against the steering wheel, appreciating that, “right, yet…I’m sorry about March. I was too in my head about so much shit and you’re right, I took it out on everyone and I’m still trying to make up for it.”

“Effort doesn’t ever go unnoticed if people look and feel it hard enough.”

Carmy chews on his lips at that, “if you believe that…then why do you feel what I said about dating—uh us—about us dating is out of the blue?”

“I said that?”

“Your eyes did. It’s the most expressive thing about you which is funny to me when you talk so much shit about mine when you hide the rest of it away on your face. It’s fucking confusing but I think I gathered that from our dinner tonight.”

Carmy was just as detail oriented as you. It was in his language with food and maybe even in his tattoos that you tried to understand starting with his fingers first. The way he spoke about what he would do with the dishes that were lackluster, except for the dessert—that was pretty good. Carmy wasn’t much of a talker because he wasn’t sure how to express himself, always been that way since you knew of him at Noma…but he told just enough in his dishes and you told just enough between the lines you wrote.

Someone just had to look hard enough.

“…I ever tell you I was engaged? Of course I didn’t, we’re still…I don’t know what the hell we’re doing here Carmen but I’m starting to sense that we could be special if we both want this badly.”

“What do you want?”

“Does anyone ever really know?” You laughed, “ I guess someone to look past the circumstanial and I had that once but then he died. So that was the end of that.”

“You swore off love.”

“Love is many things but maybe I closed off the long lasting part.”

Carmy could relate to that as least with family. He never had much interest in romance even growing up because he lacked that confidence in anything being permanent besides the chaos he’s used to, then he found some of it once he proved what he fucking set out to do yet cooking was all Carmen really opened himself up to. While Luca and others encouraged him to have a night out in the town, he always left early or if there was one person that caught his interest, they get to talking and both get bored of each other since Carmy hardly made the move to take them back to his. Before Noma?

Maybe.

Back in Paris there was one that could have been permanent but Carmy had to break her heart since Noma was calling. Culinary was his true love and he honestly couldn’t tell you what she even looked like now if you asked him. Things that should have mattered tended to get buried in the blue of his mind unfortunately.

He didn’t have the time to be attached and you didn’t want to have your heart ripped out again.

“How’d—

“He was a firefighter.” Was all you said and just those words alone told carmy it was anything but peaceful.

It took a lot for carmy to scream at himself how Michael went out and he imagined it might have been the same for you. So he wouldn’t dare ask for further morbid details because what did that help?

So maybe you weren’t wrong about the both of you not being ready to take that step on going on dates but change was everlasting.

“Uh—what about breakfast then after that not so great meal?” Carmy asks as he pulls off from the curb now.

You think about it. Really think about it that carmy starts to assume you may have dozed off.

“Depends on the time honestly? And who am I to turn down a free meal?” You beamed at Carmy who lifts his shoulders with a chuckle.

Carmy explains, “Syd and I usually start our days early, sometimes even earlier for me if I don’t get enough hours in. but thanks to the reno those on the early shift can get prep ready and I heard…you’re not a morning person?”

You’re just as sarcastic but there’s no lies, “I don’t even know my name or birthdate when I first wake up…what do you think?”

Carmy snickered at that, “okay? So how does 10am sound?”

“That’s pushing it but…I think I can be there so that’ll give me the rest of the day to work from home.”

Carmy nods, “can’t wait to read it. Shake on it?”

“On what? My review or showing up?”

“Both.”

“I’m not sending you a sneak peek, maybe syd or even nat but not you.”

“Ouch.” Carmy mocks, still waiting for your hand to touch his.

And when you do there’s a spark, that makes you yank your hand back and you feel like you’re in one of those cheesy teen movies.

You’re aware carmy’s felt that too but he just clears his throat and placed his hand back on the steering wheel. Leaving you to lightly massage the palm of your hand, now glancing at the profile of carmy’s face.

Life takes time to live but once you start to just let it be, the green starts to stand out more and can be equally as joyous…once you get through the rain and mud that is.

And once the ice blue sets back on you, the both of you can’t exactly see the future but there’s always warmth waiting for the cold to give them a try.

𓍯𓂃𓏧♡ 𓍯𓂃𓏧♡ 𓍯𓂃𓏧♡ 𓍯𓂃𓏧♡ 𓍯𓂃𓏧♡

February fluff anthology series continues here.

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dduane · 2 months

Note

I just saw from your comment on the shrinkflation post that you’re also lactose intolerant with IBS. So listen. This weekend I made Nutella-stuffed chocolate chip cookies, and in doing so realised Nutella is a HUGE trigger for me. It’s been years since I ate it so it came as a total surprise. And the cookies were Amazing, so this is just crushing.

Anyway I see your post and I think, you’ve probably been doing this a while, I’ve seen on other posts that you like chocolate, perhaps you have also encountered this issue and have found a Nutella replacement that’s actually good?

Help me Obi Wan.

I wish I could be sure to be of some genuine help here, as IBS seems to be one of those Every Person Their Own Test Tube things. I may get good mileage out of a strategy, but yours may seriously vary.

Re: chocolate: I don't seem to be bothered by it as such. It's the associated milk content that seems to cause me the most problems, so I watch the package labeling closely for that—and fortunately EU package labeling as regards allergens and triggers is, by and large, very good.

I've been using the Monash University FODMAP method of helping to control IBS, but am surprised to find that its associated app doesn't seem to say anything about Nutella. (Which strikes me as a bit weird, but I may be searching incorrectly.) ...Casa de Sante (which is a third-party site that sells "gut supplements") suggests that Nutella is low-FODMAP due to containing fairly low amounts of known triggers. So, all right, that's nice.... but I'll still take that assessment with a grain of salt, as these are people who want to sell you IBS-adjacent supplements.

Here's where things get complicated, though. I do occasionally have a little Nutella (or the non-branded version of it that we get from our local supplier of baking goods, Kells Wholemeal.) And because I carefully restrain myself, I haven't as yet had any problems, because I always take a lactase supplement—a.k.a. Lactaid or similar—along with them. Because lactase is (relatively) cheap, and spending two or three days swollen up and in pain from having gotten careless with myself is not.

As regards the branded stuff, though, there's a problem. European Nutella and US Nutella are not the same animal... and the US version of Nutella is apparently disquietingly cagey about its labeling. It's apparently difficult to tell whether the portion size of the Nutella you're ingesting has enough skimmed milk powder and/or whey in it to set your lactose intolerance off.

My advice to you would be this (and as usual, you know what advice that costs you nothing tends to be worth... But anyway): don't eat Nutella without taking a Lactaid or similar first. Two reasons: (a) To cover your butt. (b) To help act in establishing a basis for any further diagnostics you need to do. If you have some Nutella after having taken lactase, and still have internal trouble afterwards, then it's a fair bet something else in the stuff is triggering the IBS side rather than the lactose-intolerance side of the equation. That soy-based lecithin, for example. I'd be a bit suspicious about that. (Soy, unfortunately, is one of my own triggers. I can still have tofu, but only so, so carefully.)

...And then, after that, act accordingly to what you've discovered. One thing about my intolerance that I do know: it's come and gone without warning* over many years—sometimes receding into the background completely, suddenly getting much worse without apparent rhyme or reason. So an amount of lactose that once wouldn't have troubled you very much might now be one that you have to watch out for. Or else you simply exceeded what is now a wise portion-control amount for you when you got into those cookies.

(sigh) It's the imponderables associated with handling this problem from day to day that are the most annoying aspect of it. I'm not wild about the wariness with which I have to approach a lot of foods these days—not least because this is Ireland, and in this historically heavily-dairy-based culture, food processors will sneak milk into any damn thing without warning. :) But you do what you've gotta do to get by... which means that, outside of the house, I don't put anything in my mouth without having the lactase pills nearby.

Anyway: hope this helps!

*It also doesn't help that my earliest attacks happened before lactose intolerance was widely recognized as being a problem for a significant portion of the planet's population.

#lactose intolerance #management strategies #Nutella

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gravedigginbbydoll · 8 months

Text

The Wolves of Hawkins Wood

werewolf! Eddie x F! Reader

AN: BuT ArEn'T YoU on A BrEaK? mind ur business okay, stfu. jk jk I love y'all. I'm currently just taking a break from Hawkins University AU, but recently got an itch to write this. This'll be a super short little series probably and may contain smut but will mainly be fluff and angst! It will not be updated regularly, but it's just a side project for funsies. Also I will make a masterlist for it later, i swear! It's based off of The Wolves of Mercy Falls (one of my favorite favorite series), and meant to just be kinda cozy but spooky themed bc werewolves? Anyways, I hope you enjoy!

Warnings: MDNI! possibly mature themes and smut in the future. Werewolves, injury, scars, animalistic violence, depression, identity struggles, near death experiences, trauma, love/ drawn to at first sight. MC is kinda a wolf girl? (i'm channeling and healing my childhood self, okay?)

Chapter One: Valruv

You had moved to Hawkins one winter, the bitter cold and snow new to you. The days consisted of you exploring the wilderness, the trees and snow all new to you. You took plenty of photographs, hoping your camera would capture the rawness of it all. You had wandered a bit too far one day, your foot slipping as you fell off a small ledge, spraining your ankle and breaking your arm. You shouted and groaned in pain, laying in the snow, skin going numb. You must’ve hit your head, the way your vision was going in and out. You felt your vision go black and your mind race. The next thing you knew, you woke up to yourself being dragged by the hood of your coat to the edge of your backyard and the forest. You panicked, trying to sit up slightly, feeling pain shoot up your arm. You winced, trying to turn your head instead. A large wolf with an almost light chocolate brown coat and warm brown eyes holding the hood of your jacket between gentle teeth, dragging you to the edge of the clearing. You felt your heart race but a sort of calmness washed over you. How did this wild creature know where you lived? The wolf soon bounded off, but not before staring at you with intelligent almost human eyes.

You had received help after that, calling an ambulance with your good arm and letting your thoughts take over. You were helped and warned against being outside near the woods alone when the weather and conditions were not kind. You took the advice with a grain of salt, your mind still on those intelligent eyes.

After that, you began to sit out on your deck every evening, watching for the wolf. You still couldn’t understand how it saved you or why. You would see the wolf and occasionally it’s pack every so often, a chill running down your spine and your heart picking up. Their howls pulled at your heart, the sound melodic and mournful. You felt drawn to them. You needed to know why.

Which led to you frequenting the bookstore, skimming shelves of nonfiction on wolves. You had so many questions. Why did the wolves here seemingly disappear in the spring and summer according to townsfolk? Why did that one save you? None of the books answered the questions. Not a single one. The weather was getting warmer and you still hadn’t found answers.

You stood in the bookstore at the section you were at constantly, eyes skimming to try and find something new. You had no answers and just more questions. Hawkins itself was an odd town, what with the small population and ever present gossip, a persistent trend of individuals winding up missing. You found a slightly newer book, one with frayed backing and yellowed pages. You smiled at it, clearly happy you found something in the monotony of the usual visit. You walked up to the counter, rummaging through your bag and not looking up, placing the book on the counter.

“Just this?”

The low and unfamiliar timbre of the voice caused you to look up, your breath catching in your throat. A tall man with unruly brown curls stood before you, his eyes a warm brown. It seemed he was littered in tattoos and silver jewelry. He wore a worn out Megadeth shirt, the black faded to an almost gray. You looked up into his eyes, feeling your face heat up. His eyes…reminded you of the wolf. You also didn’t recognize the man, which was saying a lot as Hawkins was a small town. You nodded at the stranger, pulling out a twenty to pay him. You felt your mouth moving and heard the words come out before you could stop yourself.

“Are you new here?”

He rang you up and took the bill, blinking a bit in surprise at your question but then smiling a crooked grin, dimples appearing.

“No, I just visit when the weather gets warm. My Uncle Wayne lives in town.”

You nod, grabbing your book and heading off. Your mind still swimming with questions…but now a small piece was also consumed by the stranger.

The next time you ran into the stranger, you were talking a walk along the edge of the wood, lost in thought. You were staring up at the trees, oblivious to your surroundings. You felt a shoulder bump yours and you flinched, turning to apologize.

You saw his eyes first, the warm brown tone still causing the hairs on the back of your neck to stick up. You looked up at him in apology, voice soft.

“Sorry, I was looking at the trees.”

He chuckled, shaking his head. His unruly brown curls were now in a messy bun, making his eyes more visible. You smelled wood on him…bark, dirt, crisp air, sweet and almost over ripened fruit. Along with something musky and almost…animal-like. You wanted to inhale the scent.

“It’s alright. They’re beautiful.”

He stared unabashedly at you while saying it. You felt your stomach twist in nervousness and your heart leap as your face heated up slowly. You grinned and gave a pathetic excuse for needing to go, dashing off in the other direction to stamp down the feelings.

The next time you saw the stranger was unexpected.

You were headed to the local bar in town, clearly tired from a long day at your 9 to 5, wishing you didn’t have to pay bills on top of your Photography gig. You opted to meet a cute coworker here, swayed by his charming smile. But truthfully, all you could do is worry about where the wolves had gone. Where your wolf had gone. You ordered an easy drink, something like a Rum and Coke, and sat at the bar in thought. You were pulled out of your daze when the stranger came out onto the bar's very pathetic excuse for a stage, a red electric guitar slung across his back. You watched as he and group of guys began setting up their instruments.

You studied him openly, thankful that his back was facing you for the most part. His hair was up again in that messy tuft of curls. He wore a band t-shirt that had the sleeves cut off, his arms on full display. You could see now in the stage light the pretty ink decorating his skin and the chunks and patches of silvery pink flesh that were scars. He had a few on his arms and one on his shoulder. You couldn’t help but wonder what it was from, as they didn’t look like an average scar from a cut or falling off a bike. They also seemed like…chunks of flesh bitten out and scarred over.

You quickly turned to face your drink when he turned around, feeling embarrassed for your silly obsession. Just…something about him was so…intriguing.

The stranger seemed to walk up to the mic, tapping his finger on it before his cheerful and energetic voice came through the speakers. You kept yourself from turning around.

“Heyo, Hawkins! I’m Eddie, this is Gareth, Jeff, and Rich! We’re Corroded Coffin and-”

Your eavesdropping (could you call it that if he was announcing his presence to the bar?) was cut short when your coworker, Tommy, showed up. He scrunched his nose in the direction of the stage before smiling down at you.

“Lemme pay for your drink and we can head somewhere…quieter.”

You nodded, Eddie and his band in the background, but you could clearly hear his melodic singing voice and his impressive guitar skills. You tried to ignore it.

Tommy paid for your drink, grabbing your hand and helping you off the chair, guiding you by the arm towards the door. You could somehow still feel those powerful brown eyes on you.

Winter was creeping in, winds crisp and the scent of fall fading. You mourned the loss of fall. The sidewalks no longer filled with the familiar crackle of fallen leaves, the scent of apples and fresh rain now replaced by icy sleet and the smell of smoky firewood. But at least it meant you could be provided some comfort by the wolves.

You had recently started feeding them, leaving out little pieces of meat at the edge of the clearing, watching through the window as they would grab it and run off. You even got to feed your wolf, smiling as it ate the meat gently from your hand and you gently pet its scruff, the smell of the wild woods still in its fur. It was an intelligent animal, and you wanted a way to express your gratitude for the creature saving you.

However, it seemed your efforts led to more damage than good.

The wolves seemed to be closer to town, and after the disappearance of Chrissy Cunningham and her fiance Jason Carver claiming she was dragged away and mauled by wolves, the town was issuing a hunt on the local pack. The mayor was clearly pressured by the townsfolk to carry it out. The mayor urged people to stay inside as they attempted to drive out the wolves. You felt your heart squeeze at the idea, seized by fear at the thought of never seeing your wolf again.

You stood on the edge of the clearing, hoping and praying maybe the mayor would give up. Maybe the young Chrissy had run away, disillusioned by her seemingly perfect life. In the midst of this tumbling string of thoughts, you spotted a familiar outline in the trees of a wolf, clearly unstable and stumbling. You walked over cautiously, seeing your wolf stumble out into the clearing near your house, the poor creature’s fur caked in blood. You saw the wolf stumble and you felt your heart seize. How could you help it? What would-

And then you saw the wolf lay and curl up, seeming to shake and whine as a muzzle shortened and fur peeled back, limbs lengthening. You stood there, heart pounding as you stared down at the creature- no, the human.

There on the ground lay a naked and shivering Eddie, curls free and matted with blood, a pale hand pressed against his neck as his eyes rolled back and fluttered weakly.

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yermes · 7 months

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PAC: 🦢

How do you speak to the divinity within you?

Well y’all just to be clear I did curse someone recently so you guys are getting more wholesome readings so that when I die the good lord doesn’t send me too deep into hell. Anyways im on a trip rn and I am struggling. But one thing that helps when i am struggling I feel as though I am so open for grief to hit me on any bright a sunny spot. I posted on my private insta story and someone said they missed me and hoped I was okay which was honestly the nicest thing I heard about myself all week.

Disclaimer: please take what I say with a grain of salt and not as the gospel. I just want to share some ideas of practicing and giving advice using the medium as often as I can with school, work, and my own personal studies and practice. But I am working on sharing my notes soon so that will be exciting!

Socials: TipJar | Gram

Pick a meme

The cards

Pile 1

Man + Garden 🪴

I think your divinity with in gives you signs and connects you with people. I am not sure how because I believe that usually people keep that inner world protected. I think the people you surround yourself with you would like to think that you all help lift each other up in a human ladder towards god possibly to escape any mental shit within you but you forget the connection you feel for each other and the magic you do that IS the divine.

Pile 2

Dog + Bear 🐻 🐕

The divine within you manifest in your joy and will. You yourself have the ability to brave each day and sprinkle a little light into other peoples lives. That gift is not to be counted out. Anyone who can act as a conduit to reflect the light within everyone is a gift. You show this through a strong and kind nature.

Pile 3

Ring + Coffin ⚰️ 💍

With in the small deaths in everyday life the divine presents itself to you. Life and death, a marriage or funeral it is always present. And with the divine persistence through the changes in your life you can feel that you will be okay. Even if you are not okay ATM the changes in which you encounter only build the relationship between you and the divine.

Extras:

Story/vent:

Go off and prosper my children

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shepherds-of-haven · 1 month

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hi!! So. i like writing for Trouble and my MC but i spend so much time clowning on him and making up silly scenarios that now i have no idea how to write him actually catching on to one of the moves she makes and what kinds of moves he cant explain away. Please do you have any tips or crumbs to throw my way to help? I need to write him making out sloppy style w my girl PLEASE!!

Anyway I really love shoh and I think about Trouble and my MC almost every day so tysm for the lovely gift of him <3 i also wrote this ask intending to be silly but if it sounds demanding or rude i am SO sorry I would never demand anything of u and will love anything you may kr may not respond with whether that be in 17 minutes or 17 years 🩵

Aw, thank you so much for this sweet message, it made me so happy to receive! 💖 Please don't worry about sounding rude at all, your words were so kind and made me grin ear-to-ear, so thank you!

To answer your question, I like this excerpt from the old novels to explain how I think Trouble can be in a romance: I usually envision him being casual or friendly and light-hearted, and then catching onto something--some shift in the mood or a lingering glance--and then kind of abruptly shifting into a more intense version of himself. It's not a side of himself he shows very often--we're mostly exposed to the goofy, jocular Trouble, but that 'intense' dominant Trouble is there, lurking underneath it all, and that's kind of the part that he struggles with because it's also tied up in his ferocious past and his temper. It's the same Trouble who can go from smiling and laughing with his friends in a bar to completely unsmiling and intimidating when he overhears some guy being a dickhead to a server nearby, except obviously in these scenarios it's sexual/romantic tension he's responding to (even if he doesn't fully know it's that) rather than regular like situational tension. I don't know if you have access to the alpha build, but the scene in the cave in Chapter 7 when he's warming up MC's hands or the abrupt change from "yay we're having fun" to "something just happened" in his latest day off (when Cordy flirts with you) are good examples of this, too! This sort of stilted "everything is great 95% of the time and then 5% of the time something happens and he can't control it" that's impeding him and MC's easy friendship is what's really throwing Trouble for a loop; he starts to feel guilty and confused and tormented about it because he thinks he's the only one feeling these things and getting in the way of what should be a smooth companionship, so he's just... feeling a lot of things and not knowing what to do with them, lol.

So I imagine 'heated makeout' tends to happen during one of these sudden changes to 'intense Trouble,' when he catches on to something he can't ignore--but I generally don't think it happens because of an outright flirtation or hint of MC's, because he can usually just laugh those off as them just joking around, so he doesn't really respond to those like one might expect? He's dazzlingly good at not catching on to things like that (short of an outright serious confession), so maybe that's why you're having trouble imagining it! I tend to imagine it happening entirely randomly, during some moment of unthinking intimacy, like in the cave in Chapter 7 or during a mission when emotions are high or something like that. Here's another example of what I'm thinking of!

...Or something like that, idk lol! Obviously take all of this with a huge grain of salt and don't let me influence you; however you write Trouble and MC's romance is fantastic! Hopefully some of these tips help you in some way!

#Shepherds of Haven #Trouble #Trouble Alder #fluff #novels #original novels #novel #original novel #writing

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sp1nxx · 8 months

Text

𝐅𝐮𝐝𝐠𝐲 𝐨𝐫 𝐜𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐲?

Prompt- Todoroki can’t sleep so he decided to head down to the dorms kitchen, only to discover you making brownies!!

A/N- This is purely self indulgent and a fluff one shot of Todoroki being absolutely whipped for you since Todoroki is probably one of my biggest comfort characters at the moment so don’t mind this little blurb. Also look at how cute ‘Roki is in the picture!!

Cw!!

Brief mentions of anxiety and home sickness

Brief mentions burns (reader burns themself on a hot oven)

Reader is characterized as being short and being “pudgy”

All of these warnings are to be taken with a grain of salt since they don’t get mentioned super duper often but I just felt I should add those just in case!! If anyone has any gender specific or body type specific requests for a one shot or hc’s feel free to request!!

Reblogging encouraged!!

It was late

Far to late for anyone to be awake and Shoto knew it, yet he was awake anyway. He was tossing and turning which was uncharacteristic of him since he was usually a sound sleeper. His thoughts were swimming around in his head and they were to much for him to be able to go to sleep. The thing is though, he wouldn’t be able to say what he was really thinking about. His thoughts were just a blur to him at the moment.

He sighed and stood up. A drink of water would probably help him sleep. He was thirsty anyway so even if it didn’t help him sleep he would still get something out of the trip.

He got out of bed, the cold temperature not bothering him and he left his dorm room. He walked quietly so he wouldn’t disturb anyone and took the elevator down to the first floor.

When he left the elevator though, he didn’t expect to see a light already on in the kitchen.

“Strange..” Shoto thought to himself as he walked into the kitchen, peeking around the corner to see who was also awake at the time.

It was you.

He watched you pull flour, sugar, and other various ingredients out from cabinets that would be used to make a sweet treat and he smiled softly. You looked so peaceful and were doing everything a bit slow as to not make as much noise or wake anyone.

Then he had to stifle soft laughter when you tried to get some cocoa powder from a higher shelf in a cabinet that you couldn’t reach. He contemplated watching you struggle for a bit but in the end he walked up behind you and grabbed the cocoa powder for you.

“Here.” He said kindly with a small smile.

Admittedly, he felt kinda bad when he saw you jump when he came up behind you and spoke to you. He must’ve startled you.

“S-Sorry!” He stammered in a soft whisper and held the cocoa powder out to you.

“It’s fine,” You sighed a bit when you saw it was just Shoto and took a deep breath to calm your nerves. You smiled while taking the cocoa powder he was offering you. “Thanks..”

“No problem, can I ask what you’re doing?” Shoto tilted his head curiously.

“I’m baking..brownies.” You mumbled, a bit embarrassed by being caught and you put the cocoa powder on the counter.

“I didn’t know you could bake.”

“Eh..I don’t do it often, I mean it’s not like I could use the extra sugar right?” You said that as a joke, because you were a bit chubby. Mainly your thighs were bigger then what was seen as “normal” and you had a bit of a belly.

Shoto frowned, what had you meant by that? Not like you could use the extra sugar? Were you making a comment on your weight? You weren’t heavy by far, just had a bit of extra chub which he found cute. He was so used to seeing girls look like actual twigs that he found it refreshing to see unique body types.

“I think you look fine, healthy even. Why do you mention it?” Shoto thought was probably worrying over nothing and he new it. But he didn’t want you to think badly of yourself.

“Oh..!” An awkward expression came to your face when you saw the genuine worry in his eyes. You had meant it as a haha funny moment, but he took it seriously. “I was just making a joke. If I really didn’t think I should have sugar I wouldn’t be making brownies.”

Shoto relaxed and nodded. He was right, he’d worried over nothing. And your logic made sense to him. “Why are you making brownies anyway? It’s almost 26:30” (2:30 am for my fellow Americans)

You chuckled nervously and rubbed the back of your head with a shrug. “It’s just something I do when I’m anxious.”

“You’re anxious?” Shoto was on full alert now. Why were you feeling anxious? Was it because of something someone said to you or did to you? If it was then he’d deal with it. Is that why you made that joke about your weight? Did you need someone to help you with some breathing exercises to calm down? Anything you needed of him he’d do. “Why?”

“Uhm!” You regretted saying that and you looked around and fiddled the the hem of the shirt you were wearing nervously. “I’m just..kinda homesick, Y’know? Moving into the dorms has kinda put me on edge.”

Your answer calmed him down a bit and he took a deep breath before exhaling “Oh, I suppose that makes sense. Moving into a new place can be nerve wracking can’t it?”

You nodded in agreement and then went to the counter to start measuring ingredients with Shoto standing behind you and watching with a fond look.

“Hey,” He suddenly blurted and glanced around before speaking again “Do you mind if I have a brownie or two when they’re done baking?”

“Yeah sure!” You turned to him and nodded with a smile as you finished measuring out the dry ingredients then you got a second bowl “Oh! Before I forget, do you want cakey or fudgy brownies?”

“Fudgy is fine.” He shrugged and he watched you nod and begin cracking eggs, then pour in the wet ingredients with the dry.

“So..” Shoto wanted to strike conversation, but neither of you were really good at small talk. He wished he was better and speaking like Kaminari was. It’d make things easier. “You said you’re homesick, right?” He eventually found a topic, he just hoped it wasn’t to personal. “Do you miss your family?”

You had been in the process of mixing the ingredients together when he asked that and you stopped to think about his question for a moment. “I guess so, they’re my family after all.” You eventually said and went back to mixing.

Shoto noticed your hesitation but didn’t comment on it and instead just stood behind you and watched you mix the brownie batter. He saw the soft expression of concentration and smiled, somehow everything you did made his heart beat just a bit faster.

He took a step back when you poured the batter into a pan and and knelt to put it in the oven while mumbling softly to yourself.

“Here we g-Ow!” You hissed in pain quietly before quickly putting the pan down in the oven and pulling your arm back. You had burned yourself on one of the oven’s shelves. It wasn’t a particularly bad burn and it wouldn’t be all that noticeable if you weren’t looking for it, but Shoto’s heart dropped when he saw you get hurt.

“Here, let me see.” He quickly took your arm, and while he was acting calm on the outside on the inside he was cursing at himself. Why hadn’t he offered to to put the pan in the oven?! He can better withstand harsh temperatures and if he got burned it wouldn’t have hurt him as much. He didn’t dwell on that though and instead cooled down his right hand and rubbed his thumb over the burn mark to make it feel better.

“Are you alright?” He asked, the worry he felt bled into his voice and he had a soft look in his eyes.

You nodded and smiled at him “I’m fine, Todoroki. It’s just a small burn. I can’t count how many times I’ve done that to myself before.” You said with a soft laugh.

He sighed in relief and smiled a bit wider at your laughter. He loved your laugh, it was a rare treat to hear and it was special to him.

“That’s good, it doesn’t look too bad anyway.” Shoto stood up from the kneeling position he took when he knelt down to grab your arm and closed the oven door. He allowed you to put a timer on the oven so the brownies could bake for the correct time.

“Yeah, it kinda hurts but it’ll go away by tomorrow probably” You reassured him that you were fine and that reassurance made him feel more at ease, but he frowned at the thought of you being in pain.

Shoto finally remembered why he went down to the kitchen in the first place and went into one of the pantries to get a bottle of water and making it cold with his ice.

“I’m going to head back upstairs. Can you please save me a brownie?” He asked while tilting his head and drinking his water.

“Sure thing. I’ll keep it in my room and give it to you tomorrow so no one ends up eating it.” You chuckled a bit at my little jab at the others. If they find something that isn’t labeled like a million times it’ll probably get eaten by someone.

“Thanks.” Shoto went to leave and looked back at you with another soft smile “Good night”

“Goodnight Todoroki.”

#shoto todoroki x reader #shoto x reader #mha x reader #todoroki shoto x reader #todoroki x reader

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