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foldingfittedsheets · 2 days

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For about a year my family lived in Arizona when I was a teen. It was a huge shock for me. The desert was a polar opposite to the moist lush woods I was used to. I acclimated unwillingly. I learned to check boots for scorpions and how to survive the heat.

My dad, whether by carelessness or obliviousness never changed his habits. This caused some problems for him. See, after a year I was so miserable that I jumped ship and moved in with my nana back in my home state. My mother wasn’t ready to lose her last few years with me at home and followed suit a few months later.

My dad soldiered on alone. He’d stay for three weeks in Arizona then come visit us for two weeks. It was rough but we all made it work. However that left my dad a bachelor for long stretches at a time, doing his own cooking and cleaning.

He’s never been much for house work.

Lazy or stupid, I’ll never know, but that man took to eating in bed. If crumbs or food detritus graced his sheets, well, he reasoned, he’d get to it sometime.

My mom or I would have caught his behavior if we’d been there, but we weren’t. See, what we’d learned from our stint in the desert is that times are tough. Animals have to work harder to survive and any low hanging fruit would soon be a target for an opportunist.

That’s how my dad woke up covered in a whole colony of ants who’d moved in overnight to feast on the remains of his lonely meals. The ants were gracious enough to leave the white meat sack alone as they indulged in his leavings.

He told us about his shame on his next visit and we both scolded him soundly. You’d think he’d have learned better what to leave lying around. But I think you know he didn’t.

Over the summer my mom and I joined him there, heading out to a local swimming attraction. It’s called Slide Rock. The river forms a natural waterslide over smooth algae covered rocks and we were all delighted to go for a weekend. On the second day of our visit we arrived at the park and took turns changing into our bathing outfits in the privacy of the van.

My mom and I were preparing to wait for my dad to change when he came bursting out of the van moments after having gone in. Flailing and naked, his dick felt the touch of the sun while I joined his screaming and averted my eyes.

You see, my father had left his damp swim trunks on the floor the night before. A cool moist lump of fabric is like a luxury hotel to desert critters and my idiot dad thought nothing of scooping his trunks right up to wear a second time.

He hadn’t noticed the extra guest. Which is how he’d started to pull on his trunks only to see a scorpion skittering avariciously toward him. Every jagged point of its carapace from pincers to sting was aimed menacingly at the soft flesh of his family jewels. He’d come flying out of the van sending both his trunks and the scorpion flying having finally learned his lesson.

#ramblies #funny #ffs foibles #Arizona #desert #scorpion

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fullcravings · 2 days

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Salted Caramel Dark Chocolate Cookies

#salted #dark chocolate #caramel #cookies #food #gooey #desert #salted caramel #stuffed #chocolate #recipe #sallysbakingaddiction

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nature-hiking · 1 day

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Starting the PCT - Pacific national crest trail, CA, April 2023

photo by: nature-hiking

on the first day of my PCT thru-hike attempt last year everyone quickly realised that the main challenges of the desert; heat and water access, would be greatly mitigated in '23 because of the record snowfall. there would be ample water access throughout the desert, with the longest dry section being a mere 13 miles.

this did of course mean that doing the sierra nevada immediately after the desert would be next to impossible because most resupply stops would still be snowed in.

in the end I would quit the PCT at kennedy meadows because I got the chance to buy a house in my ideal location in amsterdam. while I did try to come back and restart the trail in north california in july, I quickly found out how important the people hiking along with you are when you hit a boring section like the logging forests of northern california.

while i did hike a bit more in Lassen national park (really underrated US park) with someone I met in sacramento, I quit after that to start working on the house instead.