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youunravelme · 1 year

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the worst wing-woman

author's note: just like all my other fics, we are existing in an alternate plane where tito was never traded. also i've never worked for the nhl, so i have no idea how accurate being a photographer is but guess what. idgaf. also sorry for the amount of italics in this fic, i have no self control apparently. and shoutout to my new friend @dani746 for helping me with this monstrosity.

summary: you've been in love with mat barzal for as long as you can remember, so what do you do when he asks for your help to win over your friend?

pairing: mat barzal x islanders photographer!reader

warnings: cursing and low self esteem

despite working for the isles for two years now, you still got nervous walking into work.

you weren't a stranger to the team, some of them you knew quite well. anders and marty being two players you were friendly with (mainly due to the fact that you were somewhat friendly with their wives). but there was always one player who eluded you, who you'd only ever had professional interactions with.

mathew barzal.

and it shouldn't be surprising, you were a measly photographer whereas he was the star player of his team, the winner of the calder trophy, an nhl heartthrob. why should he pay attention to you?

media day was one of your favorite days, mainly because it was the closest you ever got to holding full conversations with him. not that the conversations went anything beyond "look right here" or "great job, mat."

you didn't even think he knew your name.

the longest conversation you had with him consisted of him asking to see the photos you took and patting you on your back when he liked what he saw before he went off to talk to tito.

"you having a good day?" you nearly jumped a foot in the air when your staring was cut off by anders walking up to you.

"yeah," you said when your heartbeat returned to normal. "just busy is all." you held your camera up as if that was enough of an explanation.

anders nodded. "any of the boys giving you a hard time?"

you shook your head rapidly. "nope, they've all been on their best behavior."

"even barzy and beauvillier?" at the mention of their names, the duo turned their heads and locked eyes with you and anders.

you wanted to dig a hole and die in it.

"what about us?" mat asked, sauntering over with his best friend right behind him.

"you haven't been giving her a hard time, have you?" anders crossed his arms. and if you weren't panicking at the closing distance between you and mat, you might've noticed the shared smirk between the three hockey players in front of you.

"us?" tito asked. "why would you think that? we've only ever been angels."

before anders could ask you to corroborate tito's story, your name was called. you awkwardly waved to the three men before walking over to another set of props, ready to photograph another hockey player.

"done embarrassing yourself?" your coworker tyler asked.

you lightly shoved his shoulder. "shut up."

"seriously, you're not his type," he added. "he's not gonna go for you."

tyler might as well have stabbed you in the gut with how much his words hurt you, but you put a smile on and nodded. "yeah, i know. i know."

and you did.

you knew.

but you'd be delusional for a little while longer if it meant going to work wouldn't suck every day.

later that night, you found yourself at a bar with a group of your friends. you didn't want to go originally, but when alexa said she needed to go out to get over her ex, you felt like you had no other choice.

which is how you found yourself sipping a soda water in a booth while your friends danced and took body shots.

your gaze wandered around the bar aimlessly before you checked your phone for the time.

you'd only been there for an hour.

it took all self restraint not to bang your head against the table.

"having fun?" your head snapped up at the familiar voice only to see anthony beauvillier standing at the edge of your booth with a self satisfied smirk.

"i--"

"i didn't take you as one to go out drinking on a weeknight," he said.

you slumped into your seat. "i'm not. my friend alexa wanted to go out because her boyfriend just dumped her and she wanted a distraction."

anthony took the seat opposite of you. "and that is...?" he gestured at your drink.

"soda water," you answered. "i'm the DD for tonight."

"oof," he groaned before taking a sip of his beer. "that's rough."

you shrugged. "it's not that bad, i'd rather my friends get home safe than get drunk and show up to work hungover."

anthony nodded in a way that you'd seen other men do, the type of nod that comes right before someone looks around for someone more interesting to talk to.

"but what about you?" you rushed out, nearly tripping over your own words.

tito smiled. "what about me?"

"why're you here?"

he shrugged. "mat wanted to come out and didn't want to go out alone, so here i am."

mat.

you wanted to vomit.

"oh," you mumbled. "mat's here?"

tito nodded and gestured with his bottle to the bar. "he's over there talking to some brunette."

you followed with your eyes and when you finally locked eyes on him, you wished you hadn't.

he was talking to alexa, smiling at her the way you wished he'd smile at you.

maybe you could leave the bar and get hit by a taxi on the way out, that would be less painful than seeing the man you're in love with flirt with your friend.

"you okay?" anthony asked, nudging your leg with his foot.

you turned your gaze back to him and attempted to give him your most convincing smile. "i'm great!" you said before throwing your soda water back and coughing when the carbonation burned.

anthony didn't say a word.

when you looked back at the bar, alexa was nowhere to be found while mat was fiddling with one of his wristbands. you looked around to find alexa, thinking maybe she was in the crowd dancing or perhaps she was in line for the bathroom.

but she popped up at your table, sweaty and smiling.

"you good?" she asked before fixing her eyes on anthony who was sipping on his beer. "who's this?"

"anthony. i know him from work." tito gave her a small wave before taking another sip of his beer.

"alexa," she smiled before her attention focused back on you. "i actually met one of your coworkers, mat right?"

you forced a smile and nodded. "the one and only. what did you think?" though, to be fair, you didn't really want to know her opinion on him. not when you thought the world of him.

alexa shrugged and tossed her perfect hair over her perfect shoulder and gave a perfect smile that was a healthy balance of nonchalant and mildly interested. "he was alright, he knows he's attractive which is rather unattractive if you ask me."

tito choked on his beer while you stared in awe.

of all the words you'd use to describe mat, "alright" was not even close to the top 25.

"something funny?" alexa asked.

"nope," tito supplied, shaking his head. "nothing at all."

alexa looked at him, unconvinced, but didn't let it bother her. "i'm gonna go dance, you coming?" she asked.

you shook your head. "not really my scene."

alexa nodded and pranced off to the dance floor where the rest of your friends were grinding on strangers to the tune of some 2000s pop song.

"she's a delight," tito said.

you sighed. "she's practically miss america." you were too busy staring at her having fun to notice another person walk up to your booth until he was standing right in front of you with a question posed on the tip of his lips.

mat.

your mouth went dry at the sight of him.

"you know her?" he gestured over his shoulder to where alexa was laughing with one of your friends.

you nodded.

"are you two close?"

you shrugged.

mat sighed. "are you capable of speaking?"

tito spoke up. "mat, you just bombarded her without a single hello, chill."

mat pinched the bridge of his nose. "sorry, i just--she rejected me and i don't know why."

"you're too attractive and you know it," you blurted out before you could stop yourself. you quickly slapped a hand over your mouth like that would stop any other bullshit that might come out.

mat tilted his head and leaned in. "huh?"

"her words, not mine," you said like it would absolve you of any guilt.

"what do you mean by being 'too attractive' and 'knowing it'? how does that even make sense?"

you shrugged for what felt like the twelfth time that night. "alexa's not really into guys who are obsessed with their appearances. she just got out of a relationship with a guy like that," you explained.

mat ran a hand down his face before placing both hands on his waist. "so what do you suggest i do?" he groaned.

"i--"

he snapped his fingers and looked at you for what felt like the first time. it sent a chill down your spine that you had a problem suppressing. "can you help me?"

your mouth dropped open. "huh?"

"you're friends, right? can you help me win her over?"

you could list about a thousand other things you'd rather do. you could think of five just off the top of your head.

but he looked so earnest and willing and how could anyone possibly resist him when he looked at you like that--

"of course!" you smiled.

of course?! yes would've sufficed but now you've got him thinking you'd enjoy this. which you most certainly wouldn't.

oh who were you kidding? all attention was good attention when it came to mat barzal and you'd give anything to keep him looking at you.

"thank you!" he smiled before clapping tito on the shoulder. "ready to head out?"

anthony nodded before addressing you. "i had a nice time. see you tomorrow?"

you smiled and nodded, giving them both a small wave as they walked away. the second they were out the door, you thumped your head against the table.

playing wing-woman for mathew barzal.

what the fuck was wrong with you?

how to be a wing-woman: a guide

usually when you went to work, you kept your head down and stayed out of the way. occasionally, you'd run into anders or marty, or maybe even tito, who would say their polite hellos, but for the most part you stayed out of the way during practices.

you were looking at the photos you just took when someone banged on the glass. a quick glance (that turned into a double take) let you figure out it was mat based on the 13 on his jersey and the fact that you could pick him out of a crowd anywhere.

he waved and smiled (and you might've died inside). "can i talk to you after practice?"

you nodded frantically before gaining a semblance of self respect and slowing down.

"great! meet you outside of the locker rooms!" he said before skating away.

"what was that about?" tyler asked. you turned, not even realizing he'd made his way towards you considering you thought he was on the other side of the arena.

"what? can't i talk to the players?"

tyler laughed. actually laughed. "considering barzal has never so much as looked at you, i'd say him approaching you during practice is pretty strange."

your shoulders sunk at the weight of the truth. "if you must know," you started. "he wants to date one of my friends, so i'm helping him out."

tyler laughed again and walked away without saying another word while you scrolled through the photos you took again until practice ended.

you headed towards the locker rooms only when the last player had been off the ice for ten minutes, you didn't want to chance waiting around too long looking like an idiot.

as you waited, you made a mental note of all the editing you'd have to do when you got back to your cubicle. you got a few good shots earlier, but they'd need some tweaking before you sent them to the social media team. in fact--

"hey, what're you doing here?" you glanced up and saw anders, hair wet from whatever brief shower he took.

you shrugged, not sure if it was your place to give away mat's intentions. "just waiting around."

"for?" he pushed.

"barzy needs her to play wing-woman," tito said from over anders' shoulders. "he wants to get with her friend, but her friend isn't interested."

anders threw his head back and laughed. "barzy not getting a girl? that's fucking hilarious."

tito smirked. "tell him what your friend said" he told you.

"she doesn't like that he knows he's attractive," you mumbled.

if it was even possible, anders laughed even louder. "un-fucking-believable."

"what's so funny?" mat walked up, running a hand through his damp hair.

you said "nothing" at the same time anders asked "you got rejected, barzy?"

mat's face dropped before looking at you and tito accusingly. anthony sighed and nudged his best friend. "chill out, barz. she didn't bring it up, i did."

mat's shoulders relaxed before he punched tito in the arm. "dick," he mumbled.

anders looked between the three of you and sighed. "i don't have time for this shit," he said. "i'll see you later." and he was off down the hallway.

"so what's the plan for today?" tito asked.

"you're not included," mat said. his gaze focused on you. "can i have your number?"

you blinked. "what?"

mat laughed a little and you could feel heat and shame running up your spine. he asked you one fucking question and you had to go act like a weirdo. "so i can text you? i think we should sit down and create a strategy."

you nodded and read off your number as he typed it into his phone. "great," he gave you his megawatt smile. "i'll text you."

"okay," you breathed out as he walked away without a thought.

tito kept standing there, smirking to himself. "you're so fucked," he said.

you nodded because there was nothing else to say.

step one: talk him up

you and mat got lunch two days later on a saturday when he didn't have a game. it was rather surreal, sitting across from him in public. the delusional part of you was begging you to imagine this as a date instead of a meeting to set your friend up with mat.

when did your life turn into something so pathetic?

"okay," he started. "tell me about your friend."

you would rather do anything else.

"she just got out of a long term relationship with this guy named jared. he was a bit self absorbed which is probably why she didn't like you knowing how hot you are." you paused as the words left your mouth, ready to set yourself on fire if he reacted. but he didn't, he only leaned in closer to listen. "she uh--she likes daffodils and goes to the farmer's market at union square every saturday."

"but what's she like?" he asked. "what's her personality?"

how would you say she's the trademarked cool girl? the girl every guy wanted, that mat was one man in a long list of men who tried and failed to win her over.

"she's sweet and affectionate," you started. "she pretty girly on the outside but knows her way around a car. she grew up with three older brothers so she knows a fair bit about sports, just not hockey, but if you wanted to talk stats about football or basketball, she's your girl. in college, she held the record for fastest shotgun in her sorority."

you racked your brain for more information about your friend, but it was difficult under pressure to sum up someone you'd known since freshman year of college.

"what else?" mat asked.

"she's a bit of a partier, but knows how to settle down and just chill. she's a really good friend, like last year i dated this guy who was cheating on me the entire duration of our relationship, which i should've known about because he said he had to go on business trips all the time but he worked as a barista, and she held me while i cried for three days straight and even threatened to fuck up his car."

mat stared at you without saying anything in a way that made you want to sink into a hole, never to be seen again. "you dated a barista and thought he needed to go on business trips?"

you blinked. "that's what you got from that? me dating a shitty barista?"

he shrugged. "i heard everything else, but that was definitely the funniest part. how long did you date him?"

"six months," you replied quickly. "but that's not the point! alexa is going to play hard to get because she doesn't want anything too serious right now."

"great! neither do i!"

"but she's not a one night stand kind of girl anymore. so if you want her, you have to prove to her you can be serious enough for a relationship but not serious enough that you get clingy and overbearing and propose within six months."

mat blinked at you. "how the hell does that make sense?"

"believe me, there's a balance."

he sat back in his chair and crossed his arms. "and you would know this how?"

"well i uh--" you sputtered. your nerves were only encouraged by his light chuckling. "all girls know these things! we don't want overly possessive boyfriends but we also want someone to care. it shouldn't be that hard to comprehend."

"it's not," he defended. "just a little...complicated, don't you think?"

"alexa's a complicated girl!"

he sighed and ran a hand down his face. "okay so how do i show her i mean business but that i'm not looking to settle down and get married?"

"i guess i could talk you up to her in passing conversation?"

"what would you tell her? we don't know each other very well."

"i know more than you think!"

"please, share with the class."

shit.

do you confess that in the two years you'd worked for the islanders that you watched him borderline obsessively?

"well, i know you're good with kids, if your interactions with young fans is anything to go by. you don't like dogs, which is a bit of a red flag in my book, but alexa shouldn't mind. you're a fantastic hockey player, and a great teammate."

"is that enough to convince her?"

you grimaced and shook your head. "she's a bit more personable. she one time broke up with a guy because he was rude to waitstaff. she would want to know how you treat non millionaires and authority figures. for instance, how much do you tip a server?"

"25%," he replied. "but why does that matter?"

"alexa used to be a server throughout college and couldn't stand people who she knew had money but would cheap out on the tip because she didn't greet them fast enough."

mat opened his mouth, presumably to ask another question, when his phone started ringing. "shit," he mumbled. "listen, i gotta go. it was nice talking to you, i'll be in touch." he pulled out a few twenty dollar bills and put them on the table before getting up and walking away.

you waited for the server to come back before paying the bill and told them to keep the change before you got up and walked home.

when you got back to your apartment, alexa was already standing at the door, waiting to be let in.

"finally," she said. "i was wondering when you were gonna come home."

"you could've texted me," you said while unlocking the door.

she followed you inside and shut the door behind her. "i could've, but your phone was on do not disturb for some reason, so i doubt my texts would've gone through in time. where were you anyway?"

"getting lunch with a friend from work," you replied.

alexa groaned as she all but collapsed onto your couch. "please tell me it's not tyler. i hate how he treats you."

you dropped your bag by the door and headed back to your room, but not before calling over your shoulder. "he's not that bad, he's like that to everyone!"

"doesn't make it any better!"

you changed into some comfortable clothing before joining alexa on your couch. "did you have fun the other night when we went out to the bar?"

alexa looked at you weirdly.

shit. you must not have been as subtle as you thought.

"i did," she said. "but what makes you ask."

you shrugged. "i know it's been rough with your breakup lately, but i saw you talking to mat and you looked happy."

alexa groaned and sunk into the couch. "i thought we talked about this already. he knows he's attractive, it's such a turn off. you should've seen the way he was talking, it was like he knew that if he gave me a look, i'd be going home with him."

"well he's really nice, i promise! you should see him with kids at the stadium--"

"you mean the kids who idolize him? yeah i bet he's real nice to them."

okay, switch strategies.

"he tips waitstaff really well!"

"with what he makes? he better." alexa sighed. "listen, i'd be more impressed if he could tell me anything about you, but seeing as you've worked there for two years and he couldn't tell me anything other than your name the other night says all i need to know about him. so can we talk about something else?"

you nodded, ignoring the jutting pain in your chest at her words. you knew well enough that mat knew nothing about you, why would he? but to hear it come from the mouth of someone else stung.

getting them together was gonna be harder than you originally thought.

step two: get them interacting

you were dreading the next time you saw mat for the first time in your life. you were in your cubicle editing photos from the game that night to be posted tomorrow to distract yourself from the inevitable conversation you'd have to have with him. tyler, unfortunately got the shot that was posted immediately to the islanders' instagram account to celebrate their win over the rangers and he had no problem letting you know it. and while it was annoying, it served as a great distraction from your other problem.

"maybe you'll get it next time," he sneered as he packed his bag. most days you hated the fact that you were cubicle neighbors, but neither of you were powerful enough to request moving spaces. and even if you could, you knew it would just make you look hard to work with.

"have a good night, tyler," you replied, not even wanting to give him any ammo to use against you.

the door shut behind him with a click, locking you into sweet sweet silence.

until a minute later when your phone went off with a text message.

mat barzal: where ru?

mat barzal: wanna go to a bar with me and tito and you can bring alexa?

you scoffed. "you can bring alexa," you mocked under your breath. "like that's not the sole reason for you asking me to go out tonight." you packed your bag up and shot a quick text to alexa, asking if she wanted to go out. she replied with an immediate yes, asking where to meet you, which prompted you to reach out to mat who sent you an address in response.

which is how you ended up on a sidewalk in front of an incredibly busy bar with alexa next to you.

"i've never been here," she remarked. "how'd you hear about it?"

"oh, a coworker mentioned it," you said in what was hopefully a nonchalant manner.

she looked at you a moment too long before grabbing your hand and pulling you inside. "you find us a place to sit and i'll grab our drinks!" she shouted over the music.

you quickly looked around for mat and tito, the former who'd texted you the second they arrived. you saw a head of dark hair and immediately knew it was mat. you hurried over, panting when you arrived from having to shove your way towards them.

"you made it!" anthony said. you looked at him and mat, eyes bouncing back and forth between them, when you realized your first problem.

they were sitting on opposite sides of the booth.

which meant you would have to sit with one of them, and alexa would have to sit with the other. if mat had it his way, he'd sit next to alexa, but you knew your friend wouldn't have that. she'd feel manipulated and uncomfortable.

"is there a problem?" tito asked.

you gestured to the booth. "alexa will want to sit by me. she's still not convinced about you, mat."

mat, to his credit, didn't look shocked or offended, he just shrugged and moved to tito's side. "this work?" he asked as you sat down.

you nodded.

"so what's the plan? how should i approach this?" he asked.

"keep the conversation on her, when she tries to turn it on you or about your career, focus on other people, applaud your teammates, your coaches, but whatever you do, don't talk about yourself too much. she already thinks you have a big ego."

"to be fair," tito started. "he does."

mat didn't even dignify that with a response. "so keep the conversation on her and others, got it."

alexa found you a moment later and didn't do a great job covering up her disinterest in sitting with mat and beau.

"i couldn't find anywhere to sit," you explained.

alexa didn't buy it if her eyes bouncing around the bar to find empty tables said anything. but she sat next to you anyway, placing your drink in front of you.

"you remember mat and anthony from the other night, right?" you asked.

she just hummed and took a sip of her drink.

"so, alexa," mat started. "what do you do for a living?"

she stared at him and sighed. "i'm a vet tech," she said, but offered no other information.

"she especially loves the cats," you added.

"cats are great!" mat said a little too enthusiastically.

alexa drained the rest of her glass and got up, leaving the three of you behind.

the second she was gone, beau broke into laughter, slapping his own chest. "that was fucking hilarious," he said.

"yeah yeah yeah, laugh it up," mat grumbled, swirling his cup around instead of making eye contact with anyone.

"i'm serious, i don't think i've ever seen you fail so quickly. it's kind of amazing."

mat focused his eyes on you. "what did i do wrong? i tried asking about her life and she seemed wholly uninterested."

you shrugged. "i don't know! maybe she feels cornered?"

tito took a sip of his beer. "i think you need to workshop this. clearly, neither of you thought this through."

you groaned and rested your head on the table.

this was already harder than you anticipated.

step three: reevaluate and regroup

you met mat in a booth of a coffee shop after you got off work. he was staring at his phone when you walked in, completely unaware that you even existed.

which wasn't abnormal considering you didn't even think he knew who you were a few months ago. but the second the barista called your order out, his head whipped up.

you could've sworn time stopped at that moment.

you made your way towards him and plopped down in the booth opposite of him.

"hi," you smiled. "what's up?"

"i don't know what to do, she doesn't seem interested in me." he groaned into his hands before running one of them through his hair.

god he was so attractive.

you snapped out of your reverie. "listen, you've got what it takes, we just need to reevaluate our strategy. i think the bar thing was a bad idea, she felt ambushed and it probably set us back a little, but i have an idea."

he leaned his forearms on the table. "let's hear it."

"practice dates," you said.

mat blinked once. twice. a third time before he spoke. "practice dates?"

"okay hear me out," you said, pulling a notepad out of the bag you brought. "i have a list of things that alexa likes to do and i was thinking, you and i can do them and work on conversations and how to approach her. so when the time comes, you don't feel out of your element."

"who said i feel out of my element?"

you stared at him. "you said last night 'cats are great!' and expected conversation to flow naturally."

"okay so not my best moment."

"not even close." you sighed. "listen, i wanna help you, and i feel like this is your best bet in winning her over."

mat ran a hand down his face. "okay fine. what's the first date?"

practice date one: pumpkin patch

to be quite frank, you were nervous when proposing the idea, scared that he wouldn't be willing to sit in a car with you for three hours just to get to the pumpkin patch. and maybe he would find it childish.

when in fact, he said nothing about the long car ride, he even offered to pick you up from your apartment, and laughed when you offered to pay for gas. when you finally arrived, you jumped out of mat's car like an excited child. mat stepped out like he knew he was the romantic lead in a movie, suave and collected.

you two could not be more opposite of each other.

it took everything in you to focus on the task at hand, and not fall deeper in love with him. but how could you not? when he looked so boyfriend in a coat and flannel and beanie and jeans that hugged his thighs just right--

you were getting ahead of yourself. you were doing this for mat and alexa, not your own selfish ambition.

"so what's the plan?" he asked after locking his car with the key fob.

you shrugged. "what would you do if you were here with alexa?" the words tasted bitter in your mouth. it was such a painful reminder, knowing that this wasn't real and was in service to hook him up with your friend.

mat looked around and shoved his hands in his pockets. "corn maze?" he pointed. you must've made a face because he spoke up again. "what?"

"alexa hates corn mazes."

he paused. "to the pumpkin patch then?" you nodded and followed his lead. "so how did you meet alexa?"

"she was my first roommate in college, we shared the smallest dorm in history."

"that sounds like an exaggeration."

"says the man who never went to college."

he laughed. "i don't need a college education to identify a hyperbole when i hear one."

you gasped and looked at him with wide eyes. "a hyperbole? what a word."

"laugh it up," he said. "but i'm not a complete idiot, you know."

"never said you were. i just haven't heard anyone use hyperbole in a sentence outside of my english lit classes."

"well, you should know i'm full of surprises."

the two of you approached the pumpkin patch and started weaving between families and the occasional rogue toddler. mat had to tug you out of the way a few times when you about stepped on a child because you were gazing at pumpkins.

"if you don't mind me asking," mat started. "why are you helping me? you don't owe me anything. i feel like i'm taking advantage of your kindness."

you shrugged. "you wouldn't be the first one."

"what's that supposed to mean?" you looked up from the pumpkin patch to see mat's brows furrowed together and his mouth twisted in a cute frown.

"well, i mean, i've been told i have a habit of being a doormat at times."

"who said that?" his tone had changed to a softer one.

"huh?" you asked.

"who called you a doormat?"

you shrugged again, that seemed to be your go to move around him. you squatted down to look at a particularly fat pumpkin, inspecting all sides of it before you responded. "i've heard it all my life, some have said it in meaner ways, others have been nicer about it."

"i'm sorry," he said.

you stood to your full height which was still much shorter than mat's. "why? it's not like it's not true."

"what if i helped you?"

it was your turn to frown. "help me? with what? ice skating?"

mat rolled his eyes. "no, with confidence. maybe even get you a date."

you guffawed, mouth opening and closing like a fish. "what?"

mat pulled you out of the way of yet another child and kept his hand on your elbow until you were clear of the pumpkin roots. and if your heart stopped for a few seconds, that was your business, no one else's. "you heard me. you're young, single, and attractive and you spend all your free time at the office or DDing for your friends. we can work on your confidence and get you out there."

"i don't know..." though your mind was still focused on the fact that he'd called you attractive.

"what about that other photographer guy? tony?"

you cackled. straight up burst into laughter. "tyler? that's fucking hilarious mat."

"what?" the two of you continued down the patch, occasionally gazing at the pumpkins, but mostly just talking. "you two are always talking."

talking or being insulted?

you shook your head. "enough about me, we're here for alexa."

mat nudged you with his elbow. "actually we're here for me to win alexa over."

you kicked a small stone with the toe of your shoe and said nothing. the tragedy of your own personal situation wasn't lost on you, neither was the idiocy of your plan. what were you thinking, spending your free time with mat? to win over your friend?

it was textbook self inflicted torture.

"where'd you go?" mat nudged you again. "i lost you there for a second."

you bent down and picked up a smaller pumpkin. "what do you think about this one?"

"it looks fine. you're ignoring my question."

you juggled the pumpkin back and forth in your hands to determine if you liked it or not. "what question?" you looked up just in time to see mat roll his eyes, but he dropped the topic anyway.

the both of you walked over to the stall to pay for the pumpkin. you reached into your tote bag to grab your wallet, but mat was already holding out a five dollar bill to the vendor.

"you didn't have to--"

"do you wanna get some cider?"

you could've started drooling at the idea of drinking cider. "yes!"

mat chuckled and started walking towards the cider stand where a small family waited in front of you. "does alexa like cider?" he asked.

"what a random question."

"well you're not giving me anything to work with!"

you almost groaned. because he was right. you got caught up in the idea of hanging out with mat outside of work that you forgot the real reason both of you were there in the first place.

"she loves cider, especially when it's spiked. she also loves mulled wine." mat scrunched his face up. "not a fan?" you asked.

"warm wine? no thank you."

mat paid for the cider, going as far as having the cash ready before you could even order.

"you really don't have to keep buying things. i can pay!"

"oh this is all a bribe to get you to go through that corn maze with me."

your face dropped. "alexa doesn't like mazes."

"so i won't go with her next time, but you're here now and i wanna go."

you let him drag you along until you were in the thick of the maze. you let him guide the both of you through it like he knew what he was doing even though you were pretty sure you hit every possible dead end in the maze.

two little kids ran past giggling and smiling. "we found the end, mama!"

you almost laughed at the look of irritation on mat's face.

it took an obscene amount of time to get through the maze, and mat was in a much worse mood when it was all over.

needless to say, the ride home was quiet.

practice date 2: dinner at mat's

you weren't quite sure what mat was planning on making for dinner, but you were willing to bet the smell of smoke wasn't a part of the plan.

the scene when you walked into his apartment could only be described as chaotic. the smoke detector was going off and when you walked into the kitchen, mat was going between waving a towel under the detector and opening every window in his kitchen.

"you weren't supposed to be here yet!" he shouted over the noise before darting past you into the living room to open the windows in there.

you dropped your things on the counter and took over waving the towel under the smoke detector.

"what happened?" you asked.

"i suck at cooking!" he came back in the kitchen and took the towel from you. "i'm taller," he said like that was an explanation.

the beeping ceased and left the two of you in a hazy apartment. when you looked around the kitchen, you saw what had to be charred meat and veggies in a skillet.

"okay so when you cook dinner for alexa, don't. just hire a chef."

mat held up his phone. "or order pizza. you in?"

"do i get to financially contribute?"

he gestured to your belongings on the counter, one of which was a bottle of red wine. "you already did."

"you can't keep buying everything," you said. "it's not fair."

"why not? i'm the millionaire here, i'd look like a dick if i made you pay for anything. besides, when i date alexa, it's not like i'm gonna let my girlfriend pay."

girlfriend.

right.

that was the end goal for him.

you kept forgetting.

you cleared your throat and dusted your hands on your pants despite them being clean.

"you can go pick out a movie or something while i order the pizza?" mat suggested.

you had no choice but to nod and wander into his moderately decorated living room. it definitely still looked like a bachelor pad, but if a bachelor had enough money to hire someone to say he needed artwork, decorative pillows, and a couch that wasn't brown.

you were scrolling through netflix when mat came into the living room and plopped on the sectional beside you, shucking his shoes off. why he was wearing shoes in his own apartment was beyond you, but you weren't one to judge.

"you look nice," he commented, as if just noticing you for the first time that night.

you looked down at your own outfit. it was a pair of jeans and a nice blouse. "this?"

"are you wearing something else that i'm not seeing?" he teased.

before you could die of embarrassment, you switched subjects. "what do you want to watch? i haven't made a decision yet." you handed the remote to him, hating being the one to make the decisions.

he shifted on the couch so he was sitting up instead of lounging on the chaise and took the remote. "what's alexa's favorite movie?"

"birdbox."

mat did a double take. "she likes birdbox?"

you shrugged. "she's into suspense."

mat was about to select birdbox until he took one look on your face. you don't know what you looked like but it made him pause. "but are you?"

"why do you care what i like?"

"because you're here, alexa's not. i don't wanna make you watch something you'd hate." mat shifted on the couch. "why don't we work on those dating tips i talked to you about."

"oh i don't think--"

"why not?" he asked. "you're always so jittery whenever we talk about it."

oh.

was he referring to the other day after practice when he saw tyler tormenting you and mat misinterpreted that as flirty banter? mat had come up to you afterwards to give you pointers but you practically ran away.

"it's not that simple, mat."

"i think it is."

you threw your hands up. "well then, by all means you must be right."

"what's with the attitude?" he asked. "did i say something?"

it was a good question. one that shouldn't make you want to cry, but life felt overwhelming in all the worst ways. between tyler harassing you every second of every day and pretending like you weren't in love with mat so you could set him up with your friend, and taking photos for games and practices, you were exhausted.

"i'm not sober enough for this," you said before getting up and popping the cork on the wine bottle and drinking straight from it.

it was another thirty minutes before the pizza arrived and the both of you were well on your way to wine drunk, you more so than mat. who could blame you though? your life was a sad excuse for a single twenty-something and you were tired of thinking about it.

"truth is," mat started with a mouth full of pizza. "you just need to act like you're the best thing that's ever happened to this city. guys love confident women."

"and that's your biggest issue with alexa right now."

"wanna switch personalities?"

you laughed.

"what?" he asked. "what's so funny?"

"i'm trying to picture you without an ego and i don't think it's possible."

mat rolled his eyes but had a smile on his lips anyway. it shouldn't have made your heart pound the way it did, but you were weak for that man, you had been since day one.

so you switched courses.

"okay," you started. "how do i make get a guy to wanna date me?"

mats eyes nearly bugged out of his head. "you're serious?"

you nodded. "as a heart attack."

mat sat up on the couch and faced you. his eyes scanned your face like he was looking for something but couldn't find it. maybe he was looking for a reason to change the subject.

"alright," he said. "you gotta be confident, even if you don't feel like it. most guys don't mind a little insecurity, they find it kinda cute, but a guy who wants an insecure girl is a red flag."

"should i be taking notes or...?" you took a large sip of your wine and smiled when mat rolled his eyes again.

"secondly, you can't be hiding behind your camera all the time."

you guffawed. "i do not hide behind my camera!"

"oh give me a break, you totally do! you walk around like it's a safety blanket or something."

"because it is!"

"exactly my point! thirdly, chivalry isn't dead. if he's not doing basic things like opening doors, walking on the closest side to the street, and he's only talking about himself? run."

"what? he can't be a good person if he doesn't do those things?"

"if he can't do a basic kind gesture, he's not going to do larger ones. sorry. i don't make the rules."

you blinked. "but you kinda are making the rules for me, right now."

"you're such a smart ass, just like tito."

"is that a good or bad thing?"

mat shrugged and took another bite of pizza. "hard to say, i love tito most days."

love.

don't be an idiot and read into things.

"so," mat leaned back into the couch. "i gave you advice, it's my turn. how do i win over alexa?"

you thought back to the conversation you had with her a few weeks ago about mat. and one comment stuck out the most. "i think the biggest sin you committed was not knowing anything about me despite working together for two years," you admitted shyly.

mat's brows furrowed in that cute way they always did. "what do you mean?"

"she said she's not impressed by you being nice to kid fans or tipping waitstaff. she would be impressed if you knew anything about me because i'm not a hockey player."

mat recoiled as if physically struck by your words. "she thinks that low of you?"

"no she didn't mean to say you were--" you paused. "me? you think she has a low opinion of me?"

mat crossed his arms. "she just insinuated that you weren't important enough for me to know."

"no! that's not what she meant! she was saying that you think you're better than me."

"that's not even remotely true." and he said it so confidently, you almost believed him. "it's not, you know that right?"

you hesitated and you might as well have punched him in the gut.

mat said your name so softly like it was precious. like it was something special. "you have to know, i have never, not once, believed you were beneath me."

you gave him a small smile. "you don't need to explain yourself to me, mat."

he reached over and grabbed your hand, tugging on it lightly. "no. i need you to know, you are important to me."

your heart fluttered at his words, or maybe it was the fact that you were holding hands and you could feel the calluses rub against your own palm.

you could've stayed there forever.

"jesus fucking christ, why does it smell like something burned in here?" the front door opened and slammed sending you and mat sprawling apart like you hadn't been locked in a staring contest and holding hands. tito rounded the corner and crossed his arms, a smug expression on his face. "what do we have here?"

"nothing!" you squeaked out. "i was just leaving!"

"no you weren't," mat started, eyes wide with an emotion you couldn't place. "beau was just leaving."

you looked as confused as tito was. "what? no i'm not." you glanced back at mat who could not have looked more annoyed if he tried. "or i can...?"

"no!" you said. "i need to get going anyway. got work tomorrow, long day."

mat stood up when he realized there was no convincing you. "i can walk you out--"

"don't worry about it! i'm a big girl." you were leaving when you heard whisper shouting. you couldn't fully make out what they were saying, but before you shut the front door behind you, you could've sworn you heard them mention "liking her."

you did your best not to let the talking break your heart even more.

practice date 3: ice skating

you made mat pick out the last date but he hadn't told you what it was, just asked for your shoe size.

aside from that?

radio silence.

maybe you should've seen this coming. you'd talked to alexa a few days ago and she'd suggested that maybe you should put yourself out there more, find a date, find a boyfriend, find some happiness.

after practice, you found yourself scrolling through your camera roll in one of the seats in the arena when a pair of skates came into your peripheral. you looked up expecting to see a mop of black hair and hazel eyes.

but it was tito with a sheepish grin on his face.

"hey," he said.

you put your camera down and smiled. it was always good to see tito, with the exception of the other night. "hey, what can i do for you?"

anthony playfully rolled his eyes. "you don't live to serve us," he said. "i don't need anything, just wanted to say hi."

"hi!" you smiled even brighter.

"i was wondering, what're you doing friday night?"

you jaw dropped. and it must've been funny because tito threw his head back and laughed. "what?"

tito smiled at you and gestured towards you. "i was wondering if you'd want to get dinner with me on friday. i don't know what time you get off work, but i was thinking 6:30?"

you blinked. you blinked again. "are you serious?"

"why wouldn't i be? you're attractive, single, and i like your company. i think we'd have a fun time."

"okay," you smiled again. have you ever smiled this much in your life? you were unsure. "okay yeah, friday at 6:30 is perfect."

"great," tito grinned. "can i have your number?" you handed your phone over rather quickly, watching as he typed his number in and texted himself. "i'll see you," he said.

"bye tito!" you waved until he was out of sight. and even then, you continued to stare at the spot he was once occupying.

"what the hell was that about?"

you jumped about a foot in the air when tyler made his comment from over your shoulder. "jesus fucking christ, tyler." you placed a hand over your heart to feel how rapidly it was beating. "are you some sort of lurker?"

"what did beauvillier want with you?" he condescended.

"it's none of your business." you rolled your eyes when your phone buzzed.

mat barzal: come down to the locker room.

"who is that?" he asked, peering over your shoulder, but you stood up and started walking away.

the both of you headed down to the locker rooms, though you weren't really enjoying the company. tyler kept talking about your lackluster photography skills like the both of you didn't have the exact same job title.

you were rounding the corner when you saw mat leaning up against the wall, still in his hockey gear. tyler, being confronted with an audience, immediately departed. if you had to guess, he probably went back to his office to scheme how else to make your life miserable.

"hey," you said as you approached. "what's up?"

mat reached down and tossed a duffle bag at your feet. "open the bag," he directed.

you squatted and opened the zipper to see a pair of ice skates. you looked up at mat who looked pleased with himself. "what're these for?"

"you ever been ice skating?" he asked.

the short answer? no.

the long answer? once in second grade for a field trip.

"kinda?" you said instead.

mat laughed, like an actual laugh. there was a shiver that went down your spine at the very sound of it. "it's a yes or no question."

"i would say yes, but i was like eight."

"yeah, doesn't really count anymore. grab the bag, let's go." he walked off without a second thought, leaving you scrambling with the bag and rushing after him.

"what's the point of this?" you called after him.

"you told me to pick the last date, this is it!"

you stopped walking immediately. "mat, i don't know if this is a good idea..."

as if sensing your hesitation, mat turned around and walked back towards you. he rested his hands on your shoulders and squeezed lightly, ducking his head down towards yours. "i'm not gonna let anything bad happen to you, i promise. you have nothing to be afraid of."

"what if my boss sees? what if lou sees? i'm a lot more replaceable than you are."

mat scoffed. "first of all, you're not replaceable. second of all, it's gonna be fine. i'll take all the heat if we get in trouble, which we won't because it's not a big deal." he reached down and grabbed your hand that wasn't holding the duffle bag. "now c'mon."

he led you out to the bench where you sat down and placed your camera on the bench. "take your shoes off and put these socks on." he tossed a pair of socks at your head that you barely caught in time.

"but i'm already wearing socks," you said.

"these are longer, unless you want the boot to cut into your ankle."

safe to say, you put the socks on.

mat knelt in front of you to help put the skates on, tying them up so they were secure on your feet.

you wanted to swoon at the sight of him before you. thankfully, he stood up and helped you to your feet before you could start imagining anything preposterous.

like him proposing.

you watched as mat slid over the top of the bench railing and onto the ice. he turned around and looked at you expectantly.

"oh hell no," you said. "where's the door, i'll use the door."

he cackled as you walked and opened the door, but skated to you anyway to give you some assistance when stepping onto the ice.

"easy does it," he said, chuckling when your grip was practically crushing his fingers. "you're okay, i'm not gonna let you fall."

"it's not you i don't trust, it's me."

mat kept a grip on your hands and led you out to the center of the ice. on the way to the center, you slipped twice, a squeak leaving your lips. you quickly latched onto mat who only laughed at your death grip on his forearms.

"it's not funny," you whined. "i'm terrified."

"you're right, it's not funny. but it is cute." he removed your hands from his arms and skated away from you. "okay, now come to me."

he was easily twenty feet away.

you glanced down at the ice and then back at mat. you would've sat down if you knew how to without eating it. "mat, i'm telling you right now, that's not gonna happen."

"it's not that hard."

"you've been skating since you were a child. i have not." you attempted to take a step forward, but thought differently of it. "besides, how does this help you with alexa?"

"easy," he said. "if i can teach you to skate, i can teach anyone."

"so your idea of a romantic date is a girl busting her ass over and over for an hour?"

"not quite," he said, skating circles around you.

literally.

"you're being an ass,' you whined. "why did the one practice date you pick out have to do with hockey?"

"because it's what i love. and if a girl can't hang with it, our relationship is doomed to fail."

you rolled your eyes. "that's a bit dramatic. you can appreciate and love hockey without having to ice skate. thousands of fans do it all the time."

"but my girlfriend won't be just a fan, now will she?"

your heart sank at the idea of alexa and mat in a similar situation. alexa actually trying to skate and looking beautiful while doing so. you pictured them laughing as she slipped and mat catching her before she could fall.

"you okay? i lost you again." mat skated right up to you, leaving maybe a foot of space between the two of you.

"yeah," you breathed. "just thinking."

mat smirked and skated backwards. "uh oh. that can't be good. less thinking more skating. would it help if i pushed you?"

"no!" you shrieked. "it definitely wouldn't!"

but it was too late. mat was skating up behind you and placing his hands on your waist. "relax," he murmured. "i'm not gonna push you without a little guidance."

relax?

when his hands were on your waist and he was mumbling in your ear?

how the hell was anyone supposed to live, laugh, love in these conditions?

mat added a little pressure to your back. and suddenly you were moving. "that's it," he praised. "now just move your feet."

it was easier with mat's hands on you, the sensation forcing you to focus on the warmth of his palms than the fact that you were skating on sharp knives.

"see? this isn't so bad, right?"

it wasn't too terribly bad, truth be told it was just like roller skating, just ten times scarier.

"yeah," you said. "not too bad."

"so you're ready to go by yourself?" his hands starting slipping away, leaving a burning sensation in their wake.

"i--"

but he was already skating away. he stopped about twenty feet away and smiled. "skate to me."

"mat--" your voice shook at the idea. skating with him was one thing, skating to him was another.

"hey," he said quietly. "eyes on me, okay? i'm not gonna let you fall, if i think you're gonna fall, i'll catch you. i was the fastest skater in 2020, remember?"

you nodded. "just like roller skating," you mumbled.

"except better," mat added.

you took a deep breath and put one foot in front of the other, slowly but surely gliding towards him. you started picking up pace the closer you got to him.

"mat?"

"you're doing great!" he smiled.

"i don't know how to stop!"

mat laughed even as he caught you. his arms gripped your biceps and his smile was a mile wide. "you okay?" he asked.

you couldn't help but smile. "yeah," you breathed.

there was hardly any room between the two of you. your heart was beating wildly in your chest at the proximity, the rush of skating alone, who knew? you surely didn't.

you looked into his eyes and could've sworn his gaze dropped to your chin, but you were known for your hopeless romantic delusions, so maybe--

"hey!" whatever trance you were in ended when you saw a man in coveralls standing at the end of the rink. "time's up, i gotta clean the ice!"

"sorry!" mat called. "we'll get out of your way!" he gently took your hand in his and skated the both of you back to the benches.

mat helped you take off your skates and walked you back up the tunnel towards the locker rooms. the both of you stopped just outside of them, considering mat still had to shower and go home while you had the rest of the day to do your work.

"this was really fun," you said. "terrifying but fun."

"i'm glad you enjoyed it." his smile just about made you collapse into a puddle.

but you got a grip on reality and nodded. "well, i hope this helps with alexa, i'll try to talk to her in the next day or so, see where her head is."

mat's jaw clenched but he nodded. "i'll be seeing you."

"bye, mat."

you might as well have been on cloud nine by the time you got up to your office. you were in a different zone, focused on the way that mat's hands felt on your body, in your own hand. the feeling of euphoria wouldn't leave your body, you were sure of it. nothing could take that feeling away.

until you got to your desk and saw tyler.

who was sitting on your desk and using a paper clip to get the dirt out from under his nails.

"what were you and barzal doing?" tyler asked, moving off your desk, instead choosing to lean up against the cubicle.

you ignored him.

"i asked you a question," he said.

"i heard you, tyler. but i have work to do." you signed into your computer and plugged your camera in, ready to start uploading and editing photos from practice and the game yesterday.

“do you really think sleeping your way through the roster will help you get your pics chosen for the social media accounts?” he sneered.

you froze, your fingers hovered over the keyboard. "what?"

"i said--"

"don't repeat it." another voice joined in and when you turned around to see who came in, you were flabbergasted.

mat.

"barzal i--"

"where do you get off talking to her like that? talking to anyone like that?" he stepped into the room, chest puffed out.

in all of your time working for the isles, mat had never been much of a fighter, but he looked ready to pummel tyler if need be.

"mat, it's fine," you mumbled.

"no, it's not. is this how he normally talks to you?"

you said nothing.

that only seemed to make mat angrier. "you need to go to HR about this. this is workplace harassment. now apologize," he directed at tyler.

"for what? speaking the truth? is this how you think you can get ahead in life?" tyler said to you. "first beauvillier now barzal?"

you and mat both froze. in the corner of your eye you could see his jaw clench before he looked at you.

"can you do your work from home?" he asked.

you nodded. "i just have a shit ton of editing but i can do that on my laptop--"

"great. i'll take you home."

"but my boss-"

"if anyone has a problem with it, they can talk to me. let's go." mat was spinning on his heel and walking out of the room as quickly as he came in. you were unplugging your camera and logging off your computer, packing up your things, before sprinting after him.

"mat! mat, wait up!"

he stopped walking and looked at you, an unfamiliar expression in his eyes. "can you wait for me outside the locker room? i still have to shower and change."

you nodded. "why did you come upstairs anyway?"

"to give you the skates." you glanced down at his empty hands. "i forgot the bag, and by that point, i was too lazy to go down and get them without you."

the both of you continued your walk until you got to the locker room.

"i'll be a few minutes and then i'll take you home."

true to his word, mat was only gone for ten minutes before coming out freshly showered and ready to go home. neither of you spoke until he was pulling the car out of the parking garage.

"what did tyler mean when he mentioned tito?" mat asked after moments of silence. his fists were gripping the wheel tightly, though you didn't know why.

"tito asked me to dinner on friday."

mat's fists tightened their grip on the wheel and his jaw clenched so hard, you were afraid he was going to chip some teeth.

"oh." was all he said.

"something wrong? i just figured for once i wouldn't be hiding behind my camera like you said and i thought it would be fun, you know? we get along fine. why? do you think i shouldn't go?"

"no!" mat said quickly. "no, i just, it just caught me by surprise is all. i'm sure you'll have fun."

"and i can give you alexa's number if you want to ask her out! she's coming over tonight so i can talk you up now that i know more about you, make it seem more genuine."

"yeah," he choked out. "yeah, that would be great."

mat pulled up to your apartment a few minutes later and watched as you got out. "i meant what i said in your office," he said. "you need to tell HR about tyler's behavior."

"i will." you probably wouldn't. "thanks, mat."

he nodded as you shut the door and waited for you to go inside before driving off.

you walked up the stairs to your apartment and unlocked the door. as you shut the door behind you, you felt the weight of today bearing down.

tito asking you out.

the moments with mat.

the slut shaming comment from tyler.

when did your life get so dramatic?

step 4: get her to say yes

you had alexa over that night, armed with a million reasons why she should say yes to mat.

and the one reason why she should say no was locked deep in your chest. your happiness and affection for him shouldn't deter her.

besides, you would eventually get over your silly little crush, right?

right?

"so what's new in your world? i feel like you've been so busy lately. it's kind of strange," alexa said before shoveling a forkful of pasta in her mouth. it should've been disgusting, but she made it look graceful.

"oh you know, just working."

"is that why you were in the middle of nowhere a few weeks ago? work?"

"what?"

"i checked your location, you were on a farm. didn't realize the isles was doing photoshoots that far out of the city."

"oh they're not," you explained. "i was with mat, we were just hanging out."

alexa blinked. "since when do you and mat hang out?"

ouch.

but true.

you couldn't come out and say it could you? that the reason the two of you started interacting was because he wanted to date alexa?

no, you couldn't.

so you lied.

"oh, the social media team wanted me to get some information on mat, like a get to know you segment. they wanted something outside of work, so we were just hanging out so i could write this article on him."

a complete lie. you haven't had to write anything on anyone since your college journalism class. but alexa didn't know that. you never told her what you do all day for work. for all she knew, you could be running the tiktok account.

alexa raised an eyebrow. "and how did that go? was he talking about himself the entire time?"

"no!" you said. but then you paused, realizing that getting defensive would just look suspicious. "he told me a lot about how he doesn't like mulled wine and loves corn mazes despite being absolutely shitty at them. he loves his friends and hockey, obviously. he refuses to let anyone pay for anything while you're with him because he has money and likes to treat people. and he sticks up for the people that are important to him. and once you're in with him, you don't have to worry about your place in his life or how important you are because he will keep reminding you."

alexa stared at you. "are you sure you don't want to go out with him?"

you guffawed and hoped that it covered up your embarrassment. "what? no! he's clearly into you, and i think you should go for it."

"give me one good reason why."

"because he's kind, and nothing like your ex. he cares, legitimately cares about people and their lives." you sighed, not sure if you were convincing her. “it’s just one date, lex. if you don’t like him at least you got a free meal.”

alexa chewed her lip, letting you anguish in silence. "fine. you can give him my number and we'll set up a date. i trust you."

"fantastic!" you were already pulling your phone out. "he'll be so excited--"

"only if you can look me in the eye and tell me you don't have feelings for him."

you opened and closed your mouth. "i don't have feelings for him," you said with as much confidence as you could.

"honey..."

"no! i don't! if i had feelings for him, would i be going out to dinner with his best friend on friday?"

alexa didn't look fully convinced, but your date with tito was a welcomed distraction as she started rattling off questions about what you would wear and where he was taking you.

alexa left two hours later, meaning you could go to bed at a reasonable hour. as you laid in bed, you grabbed your phone and opened mat's contact, drafting a text to him.

here's alexa's number. managed to convince her you were worth a shot. xxx-xxx-xxxx.

you locked your phone and put it on do not disturb before you could see his response.

when you woke up the next morning, you saw mat had simply liked the message and left it at that.

by noon, alexa texted you that her date with mat was on saturday.

step 5: let the dates begin

friday came faster than you were anticipating. you kept your distance from mat, unable to look at him without thinking about how he was taking your friend out the very next day and that your interactions from that point on would probably be through alexa.

tyler kept his distance, must've been the threat of going to HR (that you still hadn't gone through with) that had him treating you like a human being with feelings.

as for tito, you probably should've been more excited for your date that night, but all you could focus on was how mat and alexa would fall in love and get married and have beautiful babies and grow old together.

and you would be the sucker who set them up because you could never tell mat no.

a slam against the boards startled you enough to look up from your camera to see tito standing there with a smile on his face.

"you okay?" he asked over the sounds of his teammates on the ice.

you gave him what you hoped was a convincing smile and nodded. but he rolled his eyes.

"we'll talk later," he said before skating away. you smiled and waved at him before you made eye contact with mat who was clenching his jaw. at what? you weren't sure. you even turned around to see if tyler had entered the arena, but you were standing alone.

like you always were.

you were headed back to your desk to do some editing as practice let out, but your name was called before you could get away.

when you looked over your shoulder, you saw tito doing an awkward half jog half walk towards you with a tired grin on his face. "hey," he said. "how do you think practice went?"

you turned to face him fully. "you're asking me? a professional asking some photographer how practice went?"

tito rolled his eyes. "oh c'mon. you've seen our practices, by now you should be able to determine whether or not it was a good one."

"well, no one fought each other, so i guess that's a win."

tito shook his head. "nah, that's when the best practices happen. when everyone's pissed at each other."

you smiled. "shows what i know."

"i think you know more than you think. you've worked here for awhile now."

"i've just gotten better at motion capture photography and following the puck around the ice. doesn't mean i know shit about hockey."

"don't think we don't notice you getting riled up during games when calls are missed."

you tilted your head and furrowed your brows. "we?"

tito shrugged and laughed to himself. "mat usually points it out before i can." you must've made a face because he added more. "it's usually on the bench, he's focused on the game when he's playing."

the both of you turn your heads at the other players walking down the tunnel. when the both of you caught sight of mat, tito smiled.

"will you send me your address? so i can pick you up?"

your attention snapped back to tito. "yeah! of course!"

he nodded and started his walk towards the locker rooms right when mat walked up to you. "what was that about?" he asked.

you shrugged. "just going over details for tonight. he needs my address to pick me up."

mat clenched his jaw again and looked down the tunnel, nodding his head. "that's tonight?"

"yep. at 6:30."

he wouldn't meet your eyes. instead, he looked at your shoes, your camera, the hallway, his teammates, but would never look at your face.

"you and alexa go out tomorrow, right? where are you taking her?"

he ran a hand through his hair and nodded at anders as he passed by. "yeah, we're going out to this sushi place. did you ever talk to HR?"

"well no but--"

"do i need to talk to HR?"

"he really hasn't been that bad lately--"

"because i threatened to tell HR on his ass. he's gonna get comfortable and start insulting you again. it's just a matter of time."

you nodded, feeling a lump in your throat form at the idea of mat scolding you, in front of his teammates no less.

mat sighed and ran a hand through his hair again. "i'm not trying to fuss or tell you what to do, i just don't like seeing you treated like that."

"thanks, mat," you mumbled.

he still wouldn't meet your eyes, instead looking down the hallway to see most of his team in the locker room. "i gotta go, but um, good luck tonight. beau's a good guy."

with that he turned on his skates and walked away.

you felt every bit of pathetic as you watched him go.

that night, you settled on a pretty dress that wasn't too fancy, seeing as the only details tito had given you were that it was nicer than an olive garden but not a michelin star restaurant. you were strapping yourself into your heels when you heard a knock on the door.

your phone said it was only 6:15, but maybe tito was accounting for traffic. he never did specify when the reservation was.

"coming!" you called as you put your last heel on and made your way to the door. "i wasn't expecting you this early, you never told me when the reservation was--" your voice trailed off when you opened the door and saw who was standing on the other side.

mat.

he looked more disheveled than you'd ever seen him. it was clear he'd been running his hands through his hair repeatedly just by the strands sticking out every which way.

he still looked handsome.

"mat, what're you--"

"i think you're beautiful. and smart. and passionate about a lot of things. and i think anyone who tells you otherwise is an idiot, and i'd fight them if you'd let me." your eyes started welling up with tears. "i think you're perfect for me and if you'd let me take you out, i promise i'll spend the rest of my life proving it to you."

you blinked until the tears disappeared by sheer willpower, not willing to cry in front of him. "that's perfect," you said. "say that to lex and she'll be eating out of the palm of your hand."

you turned around to grab your bag and coat before you could see mat's face drop in confusion. by the time you turned back around, anthony was standing next to his best friend.

"you ready?" he asked, only glancing at mat out of the side of his eye.

you nodded and squeezed mat's arm as you passed; you couldn't help yourself. "get home safe, mat."

neither you or tito spoke until you got into his car. "what was that about?" he asked.

you shrugged. still not fully comprehending why mat showed up at your door in the first place. "he was telling me what he was gonna tell lex tomorrow, i think."

"really." he didn't sound convinced.

"why else would he show up?"

tito mumbled. "i can think of a few reasons."

after he parked the car, tito got out and opened the door for you while you were answering texts from alexa. he offered you a hand to get out that you took.

there were no sparks, no electric sensations going up your arm. just physical contact, just the warmth of his palm in yours.

he led you into the restaurant which was moderately fancy, like he said. the two of you were escorted back to a table in the corner, away from windows and therefore away from prying eyes.

like a gentleman, he pulled your chair out and helped you scooch up to the table.

"i can't remember if i told you this, but you look lovely," he said with a smile.

"thanks," you replied. "you look handsome." and you meant it. if you weren't in love with his best friend, in another life, you could see yourself falling for his blue eyes. and maybe you still could. mat was going on a date with your friend tomorrow so it was better that you just get over him already and--

"so how long have you been in love with mat?"

you choked on your own spit, and for a minute, tito looked apologetic. for his timing, you had to guess, not the question itself.

surely you heard him wrong.

"what?" you asked when you finally got your bearings.

"how long have you loved him?"

nope. you heard him correctly.

"i--"

he leaned forward, arms braced on the table. "you don't have to lie to me, i know. i've known for awhile."

"i--"

but the server came up and asked for drink orders. tito ordered a bottle of red for the table after asking for your thoughts.

you were still reeling from his question, safe to say you didn't have any thoughts.

"sorry," tito started. "i didn't mean to make you feel cornered, i just wanted to be honest."

"it doesn't look like you're the only who needs to be honest, it's me." you fiddled with the ends of your dress.

"why'd you do it? why'd you help set mat up with your friend?"

you shrugged. "i just wanted to see him happy. and i wanted alexa to find a good guy, i knew mat was one. they make sense together."

"even if it makes you unhappy."

"even if it makes me unhappy."

tito nodded, and looked at you like he could see something you couldn't. "let's forget about him for now and just enjoy dinner, eh?"

you gave him your best smile and nodded.

the rest of the night flew by. soon enough, tito was walking you up to your apartment and kissing your cheek before he left. you wished you felt butterflies, or something, but there was no special sensation. nothing to make you weak in the knees.

it was like a kiss from an old friend.

your phone buzzed with a text from alexa.

alexa: how'd your date go?

you typed out a quick response.

it was good. just got home.

you locked your phone and placed it on your nightstand before collapsing into bed. but your phone buzzed again. you thought about ignoring it, but if it was alexa, you didn't want her to think you were upset at her.

mat barzal: did you have fun?

you blinked before typing back.

yeah. tito's great.

not a second later, you got another text.

mat barzal: good. have a good night.

you fell back against your pillows and cursed at the ceiling.

step 6: let them fall in love

you woke up the next morning and stayed in bed until your bladder was about to burst. after the date with tito and the reminder that mat was going out with alexa tonight, it was all enough to put you back in bed as soon as you peed.

and you stayed there, flicking through netflix shows and wallowing in self pity. you usually weren't this pathetic, but the idea of alexa and mat getting cozy on their date that night was enough to warrant your sadness.

you'd pull yourself together by monday when you'd have to go back to work and see how happy she made him.

that's what you kept telling yourself, that at the very least, two of your friends would be happy.

by 7pm, you were sitting on the couch, waiting for takeout to arrive.

when a knock on the door signified your food arrived, you got up with your blanket burrito and walked to the door. you didn't even bother checking before yanking the door open and looking down at your doormat.

only to see a pair of shoes.

"what the hell," you mumbled. "i thought i said leave at the door...' your voice trailed off as your eyes lifted to meet a pair of hazel.

mat barzal.

he had your food in one hand while the other was in his pocket.

"mat?" you whispered. suddenly, you were throwing the blankets off your shoulders and behind you into your apartment where they'd be out of sight.

though it was then you realized you were in sweats and you hadn't done anything with your hair all day so you were probably better off with the blanket burrito instead.

"hi," he breathed. "here's your food." he handed it over, nodding when you murmured your thanks, and shoved his other hand through his hair.

you glanced at the time on the clock on your wall to make sure you weren't hallucinating. "why're you here, mat? shouldn't you be with alexa?"

"that's what i wanted to talk to you about, actually."

"oh no," you started panicking, your eyes widened. "did she not show up?" you turned back into your apartment and went to your phone, searching for texts from alexa to explain her absence. "i swear i thought she'd show. she told me she would and she's usually a woman of her word."

you turned around when your front door shut with mat standing in the middle of your living room, looking out of place and right at home somehow.

your phone was vacant of any text messages from alexa.

"no, she showed. i left early."

that caught your attention.

you set your food on the coffee table and turned around to face him.

"why did you leave early? was she rude? are you sick?"

mat shook his head. "no, i'm fine, she was fine. that's not why i'm here. i mean it is but that's--that's--i want, no i need to tell you something."

"tell me what?"

he rolled his eyes. "i'm getting to that." he started pacing your very small living room. you wondered if he knew how much space he took up in your apartment. you wondered if he cared how messy your place was. "i'm just gonna come right out and say it, and don't interrupt me this time." you nodded.

mat ran both hands through his hair for the twentieth time since he showed up. "when i said all those things last night, i wasn't talking about alexa. i was talking about you."

what.

but he continued.

"i'm not gonna pretend i've loved you this whole time, but i fell in love with you along the way. the way you kept analyzing every fucking pumpkin for the perfect one, or how you bring red wine to dinner unprompted because you can't not contribute to something, or the way you trusted me enough to take you on the ice and show you something i love, or how you laugh like no one has ever said something mean to you in your life even when i know that jackass tyler harasses you on the daily. you're kind to literally every person i've ever seen you interact with.

"but i hate the way you shrink yourself like you're afraid to take up space. i hate the way you act like alexa's better than you, like i couldn't fall in love with you when you're literally the most generous, kindest, passionate, and beautiful person i've ever met in my life. because i do love you. every fiber of my being loves you."

you blinked once. twice. and breathed.

"what?" you whispered as tears gathered in the corners of your eyes.

"i know you just went out with tito last night, and if you like him, if you love him, i get it. he's a great guy and you'd be great together. but i'm asking you to give me a chance, give us a chance. i've had fun with you the last few weeks and i cannot bear the thought of not calling you mine any longer." his chest was heaving as the words rushed out of his mouth.

you rounded the coffee table to get to him. as soon as you were in arms' reach, mat was pulling you to him. with your hips pressed together, your lips just a breath away, you spoke softly.

"please tell me this isn't a dream."

a small laugh escaped his lips and echoed over your own. "it's not a dream, baby. this is real. i love you so fucking much."

"i love you too, mat."

any words you had left to say were lost as he brought your mouths together.

you weren't sure how much time had passed before you separated from him with your hands pressed on his chest. mat tried to follow your lips, but you kept a firm hand on his sternum so you could speak.

"what about alexa?"

mat pulled back. "what about her?"

"you were on a date with her and just left her there?"

"i more than covered the tab if that's what you're afraid of--"

"what if she hates me?"

he laughed. like threw his head back and laughed before kissing you again. "baby, we were there for fifteen minutes and all i could talk about was you. she told me to come here and tell you the truth."

you smiled. "thank god for alexa."

"thank god for alexa."

mat led the two of you over to the couch where you immediately curled into him. he kissed the top of your head, seemingly addicted to having his lips on your body at all times. "you're fired, you know."

you would've pulled away had mat's grip allowed it. "what? fired from what?"

"the wing woman business. you're absolutely horrible at it."

"yeah, well i think it worked out pretty well."

he pressed his lips into your hair and mumbled. "yeah, i think so too."

#mat barzal #mat barzal imagine #mat barzal x reader #nhl imagine #nhl imagines #nhl blurb

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cobragardens · 8 months

Text

My Favorite Good Omens Moment:

An Essay on Why It Is Cool and Rad (Part 1)

There's this moment in Good Omens that makes me cackle every time I see it and leaves me full of warmth, so here's an essay on its context and meaning, because explication and analysis are how I show love. I will try to keep my thoughts as tight as possible, but they do have a tendency to spiral outwards, and I am very stoned. Come, sistren, and get nerdy with me.

My favorite moment in the series so far occurs in 1601. To approach it we will first need an assload of context. There's a TL;DR in bold at the end of the Context if you don't fancy reading the whole assload. Key arguments are in italics and bold throughout.

David Tennant gives Crowley a very consistent facial expression every time Aziraphale says something so outlandish Crowley can't quite believe he's hearing it. It's this one:

Chronologically, we see the Eyebrows of Disbelief twice before my fave moment in 1601: once (above left) in that scene on the Garden Wall that familiarizes the audience with Crowley's face before adding the dark glasses, when Aziraphale admits he's given away his sword; once when Aziraphale tells Bildad the Shuhite that he, Aziraphale, has Fallen because he lied to the angels to save Job's children.

The Eyebows of Disbelief always signal surprise and amusement with something Aziraphale has said or done. This amusement is sometimes at Aziraphale's expense and sometimes not.

In the gifs above, Crowley is laughing because what Aziraphale has just admitted to doing is fantastic and unexpected and frankly pretty gd punk rock. He's not laughing at Aziraphale, he's laughing because he is delighted with him. The only record we have thus far of Crowley laughing at Aziraphale is this one:

Crowley laughs when Aziraphale informs him--him, a demon who has personally been through the process of Falling--that Aziraphale is Fallen and must be a demon now. As though of the two of them Aziraphale is the expert on how and under what circumstances this occurs.

And yet when Crowley sees Aziraphale's distress--not his fear of being taken to Hell, but his heartbreak and lostness over the fact that his conscience has diverged from God's stated will--Crowley stops laughing, and instead he acts very kindly towards Aziraphale. He validates the gravity of what Aziraphale has done and assures him he won't turn him in. He sits with him so Aziraphale isn't totally alone (like Crowley probably was) as he goes through the loneliest moments of his existence to that point and picks himself up newly weighted with the secret he must now bear.

And after this scene (in canon as it stands thus far), we don't see Crowley laugh at anything Aziraphale says or does again.

And he really has to work for it sometimes. We talk a lot about the things Michael Sheen is able to convey with his face in Good Omens, and absolutely rightly so; David Tennant earns a chunk of his paycheck in this regard as well. If you haven't given yourself the treat yet, rewatch the scene in Will Goldstone's magic shop in 1941 and focus on Crowley's reactions:

youtube

Tennant takes great care to show, with precision, that Crowley is expending effort not to react to Aziraphale's nervous chaos Muppetry and lack of self-awareness. Crowley is self- and socially and contextually aware enough that he knows (better than Aziraphale, at least, which is not a high bar to clear) what's cringe, what's funny, what's ridiculous, how to behave. But whenever Aziraphale crosses a boundary of normalcy, or even sanity, and there is opportunity to laugh at him, Crowley very carefully doesn't react. He doesn't interrupt him, he doesn't try to correct him, he doesn't make fun of him, he doesn't even smirk; he just watches him, as stone-faced as he can manage, no matter how bizarre Aziraphale becomes.

We should be reading this lack of reaction to Aziraphale's social and rational transgressions as powerful positive action. Go watch the Doctor Who episode "Human Nature," or literally any episode of The Inbetweeners, or read or watch Regeneration, and reflect on what it shows you about English masculinity; then consider again the depth of significance in how English- and male-coded character Crowley treats English- and male-coded character Aziraphale in an England created by an English and male-codedpresenting author based off a book written by himself and another male-presenting author. Within its context of English masculinity, Crowley's lack of reaction is not a neutral stance; it is a very fucking loud show of support.

This is not even an inference; it's stated outright in the show. Crowley himself puts it into words 422 years after my favorite moment:

You know how Crowley calls Aziraphale "angel" because the factuality of the descriptor offers him plausible deniability to any Heavenly or Infernal agents who might be listening? Remember how Crowley is a great equivocator? Crowley is equivocating here, too: he's using the cover of what Maggie and Nina will take as a disparaging joke at Aziraphale's expense in order to make a perfectly sincere statement. This is his genuine perception of one of the relationship dynamics he has with Aziraphale and how he feels about that dynamic. Crowley thinks he himself is quite witty (an accurate assessment), Crowley thinks Aziraphale isn't sufficiently self- or contextually aware to hide how strange he is and therefore frequently says and does mad things (also an accurate assessment), and Crowley is Into. That. Shit.

Okay. Now let's look at 1601.

Chronologically it's been almost 1,000 years since we last saw Aziraphale and Crowley. In 537, Aziraphale isn't willing even to consider a labor-saving working arrangement with Crowley of fucking off home out of the damp of Arthurian Wessex; but by 1601, he's worked (and met, and Arranged) with Crowley "dozens of times now," Crowley says, and Azirapahle does not correct him.

In that millienium, Aziraphale has grown to care deeply about Crowley:

In fact he may be somewhat smitten with him:

Seriously, go back and watch Aziraphale here as Crowley approaches and starts speaking to him: he doesn't start smiling until he recognizes that the person speaking to him is Crowley (but he only smiles at Crowley while Crowley's not looking at him).

And Crowley is definitely become smitten with Aziraphale:

Our man(-shaped entity) is so allergic to work he sets up a meeting to weasel, cajole, or (as it happens) cheat a coin toss to get Aziraphale to do an easy temptation for him in Edinburgh, and then in the same conversation agrees to miracle a play into success because Aziraphale gives him a single hopeful look. Crowley's got it bad.

TL;DR: The Eyebrows of Disbelief happen when Crowley is surprised and amused by something Aziraphale has said or done. Sometimes that amusement is delight with Aziraphale; sometimes it is at Aziraphale's expense. Crowley is aware of this distinction, and when his amusement is at Aziraphale's expense, he suppresses it, even when it takes some effort on his own part, and remains stocially composed. This is equivocation on his part: to Celestial/Infernal operatives lacking knowledge of the intricacies of human behavior, this non-reaction would seem like neutrality; to Aziraphale, who shares with Crowley and the audience the contextual knowledge of English masculinity's utter viciousness, this non-reaction is a profound show of support; and in the safety of support from Crowley, Aziraphale lets his weirdness blossom.

As another meta points out [link if I find it again], we also see in Aziraphale's wordless request about Hamlet and Crowley's immediate understanding of it that by 1601 Aziraphale and Crowley have developed an unspoken, coded method of communication with each other.

Now that we have all of that in mind, here's my favorite moment in Good Omens:

Ixi of Fuck Yeah Good Omens has even kindly archived a closeup of the aftermath, for Crowley, of "Buck up!" In gif 4, above, you can see that the tiny smile is an involuntary reaction that happens as Crowley's eyes widen: for a fraction of a second, he's caught off-guard. In the closeup it's easier to see that he suppresses the smile and gives a tiny shake of his head, Eyebrows of Disbelief heading for his hairline.

There are a number of things Crowley's reaction could mean and what messages it could communicate (we'll get to that in a sec), but regardless, his reaction is, unquestionably, one of surprise and suppressed amusement. This is an aspect of Crowley and Aziraphale's relationship and characters that I like very much, viz., that one of the reasons Crowley likes Aziraphale (though Aziraphale is judgy and occasionally, unintentionally, horrifyingly cruel) is that in addition to being one of the kindest and most courageous beings in existence, Aziraphale is mad as a bag of frogs. Crowley does not know what is going to come out of Aziraphale's lovely mouth next, but Crowley does know there's a good chance he will struggle to believe he's hearing it, and Crowley likes that.

That's what makes this my favorite moment. What makes this moment so cool and rad, though, is its ineffability. We know from the Eyebrows of Disbelief that Crowley is surprised and amused, but any of several things could be read in that almost imperceptible headshake. Like:

What are you doing? or

Why are you like this? or

How can you be aware that you say these things out loud and yet still say them out loud? or

How has my existence come to this? this moment of listening to such insanity?

each of which is a fair and just feeling to have/message to communicate to a man(-shaped entity) who is yelling "Buck up!" at Hamlet.

But that's only if we read Crowley's amusement as being at Aziraphale's expense. And I don't think we should. Because watch Aziraphale here:

He's doing it on purpose. He is shouting a hilariously inappropriate, 100% authentic Aziraphale-brand thing over arguably the gloomiest passage of Shakespeare's famously gloomy play--right after Crowley complains about its gloominess--and he is watching Crowley as he does it. Look at his smile! He knows he's being Deeply Uncool, and he is doing it literally right into Crowley's face.

Remember that we just talked about how by this point in the chronology Crowley and Aziraphale have learned to communicate with each other nonverbally through facial expression? So what does it mean when Aziraphale responds to Crowley's grumbling about Hamlet's gloominess by smiling his minxious Mona Lisa Aziraphale smile, looking right into Crowley's face, and yelling at Hamlet to buck up? Aziraphale, in a carefully coded, carefully Aziraphale way, is joking with Crowley. His silliness in this moment is for Crowley.

So with aaaaaaallllll of this essay in mind, what does it mean that Crowley's reaction to "Come on, Hamlet! Buck up!" is widening eyes, an involuntary twitch of his mouth toward a smile, and then, his eyebrows still showing surprise and amusement, a tiny shake of his head?

Once more, with inferences:

I do propose, y'all, on the basis of this web of evidence I submit for consideration, that what we are seeing here in my favorite moment of Good Omens is the ineffable equivalent of Aziraphale and Crowley sharing a laugh.

Crowley's amusement here isn't at Aziraphale, because Aziraphale is eliciting that amusement consciously and deliberately. Aziraphale, in good spirits and happy to see Crowley, uses his Aziraphaleness to offers Crowley not only an opportunity for amusement, but the opportunity to be in agreement with him about what in this situation is funny. They're on the same side of this joke.

And his humor lands just as he wants it to: Crowley, just for a moment, is caught off-guard, and tickled--

But remember, Crowley is worried in this scene about being surveilled ("I thought you said we'd be inconspicuous here"), and he worries about audio surveillance a lot ("Walls have ears"; "Don't say that. If my lot hear [etc.]," etc.), so he's very limited in what reactions he can show or voice. Aziraphale knows Crowley must be perceived by anyone watching or listening to disapprove of his, Aziraphale's, behavior (just as he must be perceived to disapprove vociferously of Crowley's). Both of them know this.

--so Crowley suppresses the smile almost successfully, and shakes his head at Aziraphale, minutely, to say Stop. What you're doing is working, you're close to making me laugh, and if I show how much you have just delighted me, it will blow our cover of "just an Arrangement."

I offer three final data points in advancing my argument that what we see in my favorite Good Omens moment is Aziraphale successfully attempting to joke with Crowley and Crowley recognizing that overture from Aziraphale and being momentarily surprised into a reaction of genuine delight before pulling his face back under control and indicating to Aziraphale that he must stop:

Datum 1. Nothing going on with Crowley's face in this moment is accidental. We know for sure we're not seeing David Tennant react to Michael Sheen here not only because of literally every other point of Tennant's and Sheen's performances in the show, but because Tennant is wearing opaque contacts and sunglasses under film lighting and therefore cannot be reacting to anything more compelling than a level-10-lift blur because Tennant cannot see shit. Crowley's reaction is a deliberate and careful performance choice on Tennant's part, and it's underscored by director Douglas Mackinnon's choice to film Tennant in 1/2 profile to keep Crowley's eyes visible and face readable to the audience. This reaction is supposed to be there and supposed to be meaningful.

Datum 2. The husbands in 1601 is not the only moment in Good Omens when we may be seeing an angel and a demon communicate the message Stop doing that, it makes us look too familiar between themselves with a little headshake:

Datum 3: There is another moment in Good Omens when Aziraphale offers Crowley the opportunity to enjoy a joke with him. There, too, his humor lands just as he intends, so we can use this other moment as a comparison to our 1601 moment. I don't have gifs for it, but go back and watch it, S1E6 49:27-42. Snips below.

Aziraphale says something that surprises and amuses Crowley (he asked Hell for a rubber duck while he was sloshing around in the holy water)--

--but what Aziraphale says makes Crowley smile long before it makes him laugh.

In fact, his laugh, though a genuine cackle, is quite delayed, and he laughs only after Aziraphale starts laughing too.

In other words, Crowley's reaction to Aziraphale offering him amusement they're both on the same side of is exactly the same as his reaction to "Come on, Hamlet! Buck up!" right up until he laughs instead of shaking his head. Here, after Armageddidn't, Crowley doesn't have to suppress his reaction, so he can let the smile bloom; he doesn't have to control his response, so, although it takes him a few extra seconds, he lets the smile turn into a laugh.

But in 1601, it's not safe to laugh at Aziraphale's humor. It's not safe even to smile at him. A single piece of evidence or eye/earwitness testimony that he and Crowley have anything more friendly than the most passing and acrimonious of professional relationships could mean death to either or both of them, and depending on what Falling is like, maybe something worse than death for Aziraphale.

But Aziraphale is so funny, so effervescent for Crowley, at Crowley, that it catches Crowley just for a moment. Crowley's eyes widen and the corner of his mouth twitches toward a smile.

And that's dangerous. If Aziraphale keeps acting so charmingly mad, Crowley is going to laugh, and they can't afford that risk, so he shakes his head at Aziraphale. Stop, or I won't be able to keep a straight face around you.

And Aziraphale apparently receives that message, because he immediately eases off. Less than 60 seconds later we learn that he's deeply concerned for Crowley's safety--and that it's not so much that Aziraphale has Crowley wrapped around his little finger as it is that Crowley has wrapped himself around Aziraphale's little finger like a snake arranging itself on the tree branch it calls home.

UPDATE 14/10/23: HOLY SHIT Y'ALL IT GETS EVEN BETTER! THERE IS A SEQUEL!

#good omens #good omens meta #good omens 1601 #good omens microexpressions #good omens headshake #angelfish #aziracrow #ineffable husbands #good omens fanalysis

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whateverloomis · 18 days

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hihi! could I request poly!ghostface with an idol reader? afab but any/no pronouns works

The reader just enrolled in the school recently, both to be closer to LA and try and keep the public away. Reader isn't world famous or anything, but has a recognizable name. Maybe has been on a talent show and radio station a few times.

Hi! Thank you for your request anon 💖 This was a very interesting one to work with. I did a lil twist with the LA detail. I don't know if you wanted some saucy smut in here so I kept it on the teasy side, (I love this gif set 😭🙈.)

Warnings: Teasing, inappropriate touching, manipulation, alcohol consumption, getting tipsy, cliffhanger (I think?), unedited

Reader: They/Them pronouns in italics. Reader is AFAB fem presenting.

"An independent journalist?" Sidney asked, intrigued and confused all at once.

"Yeah, like. Y'know, the people who go around asking questions about crime cases and other crazy news." Tatum answered, filling the group in with the latest gossip.

"Yeah, I got interviewed yesterday, but apparently it's like a low-key thing. Some kind of personal project that might not go public." Randy added and Sidney nodded, processing all the information.

The press being all over town was bad enough, and now some secret journalist or something? She definitely wanted to avoid anymore questions, so she took note in order to avoid anyone that might've seemed, strange? She didn't really know how to handle the situation.

"Hey, how come I haven't gotten a cool secret interview?" Stu asked, pouting like a little kid.

"I don't think someone low-key like that wants to interview your loud ass." Billy replied and Stu faked being hurt. The rest of the group laughed at the boys usual grumpy commentary.

"Look, that's the journalist." Randy whispered and stared in a -not so subtle- way. Everyone else gave their visual attention to the person and Billy raised an eyebrow in amusement. Then he looked at Stu, who also seemed a bit more interested than usual.

They didn't know what to expect from the title "journalist" when it came to appearance but it definitely wasn't this. They had a short black dress on with a cream colored cardigan sweater. Black combat boots and white knee high leg warmers that completed the casual outfit and gave it a touch of cuteness compared to the little dress that hung dangerously close to their ass, threatening to rise up at any moment.

"Well damn." Stu said in a flirty and amused tone. Tatum glared at him and then the group continued their usual chaotic conversations and speculations about the ghost face murder case.

•

Inside the campus, a memorial for Casey Becker and Steve Orth was placed at the end of the main hallway. YN was looking at every detail and every note the students left close to the couples pictures and took notes in their leather journal. It seemed like a casual thing but Billy and Stu knew what was up.

"You think they might have a lead?" Stu questioned as he and Billy walked along the hallway casually, trying to seem like they were doing anything else other than approaching the journalist.

"I don't know... But we better make sure they don't find any." Billy answered and Stu widened this eyes, excitement radiating off him.

"Hooh, what are you suggesting man? We kill them?" Stu whisper-screamed and Billy hit his friends arm. "Would you shut up? That's not what I'm saying... Maybe, a distraction of some sort... A mislead." Billy answered and Stu got even more excited. It was like a game to them, one they knew how to manipulate however they wanted to.

•

After the last class of the day, YN was ready to go to their small apartment and put the pieces together with the info they gathered about the ghost face case.

As they were putting their books and other things into their shoulder bag, Billy approached them. He seemed mysterious to YN and they instantly grew curious. Maybe he knew something about the case?

"YN, right?" He said, his tone slightly flirty.

"Yes, and you are?" YN asked, mimicking his tone and smiling up at him innocently.

Billy let out a breathy laugh, smirking. "Billy. Billy Loomis. I uh, heard you were investigating the ghost face case or something of that sort?" He said, taking a step forward and placing his hand on YNs desk.

"Words getting around huh? Yes. I'm keeping it low-key though. Not everyone peeks my interest with this." They replied and Billy raised an eyebrow.

"No? Do I seem interesting enough?" He asked, smirking down at YN as they chuckled at his flirting and interest.

"Can't deny that you do, Loomis. We can talk. My place at 7? I'd rather be somewhere comfortable." They said and grabbed Billy's hand softly, writing their phone number and address on the palm of his hand with a marker.

Billy looked at it for a second and smiled at YN, nodding and leaning on the desk. "I have a friend too, he has some pretty interesting info as well. I could bring him over, if you'd like." He added and YN thought about it for a second. Other than receiving what seemed like good insight, if his friend was just as attractive as him, they wouldn't mind that one bit.

"Sure, that's fine with me. See you at 7?" YN checked one last time. "We'll be there." Billy replied and watched as they walked past him towards the exit door of the classroom and the boy couldn't help but scan their gorgeous body from head to toe.

•

"Wine?" YN asked the boys and Billy declined. Stu was about to say yes but Billy kicked him under the table.

"Dude, f- Uh, no I'm good. Thanks-" Stu stumbled on his words and YN giggled, pouring themselves a glass. It was perfect, if YN was tipsy enough the boys would be able to twist and turn their words in order to steer YN into the wrong direction with the case. They could also get information out of them and mess around with it too. Perfect plan.

All three of them conversed easily and it got better once YN started to get affected by the alcohol. They told Billy and Stu about how they lived in LA and how it was too overwhelming to live in. After they heard about the small town of Woodsboro and ghost face it didn't only peak their interest, but it was a perfect excuse for them to move out of LA and transfer into a new college. Have a real change in their lifestyle and pursue their journalism dream.

As the conversation went on YN got more intrigued by the boys and what they were saying.

"The thing is that Sidney's dad is missing. And it happened exactly when the murders took place so, it makes total sense that he'd be the prime suspect." Stu commented and YN wrote every single thing down.

Billy was standing close to YN, leaning against the kitchen counter trying to peak at their notes, but he could barely read anything.

"So what else do you have in there?" Billy asked, not caring about keeping his intentions low-key. He moved towards YN who was sitting on a stool, using the counter as a table.

"Nothing you should be concerned about, Loomis." YN answered and took another sip of their second glass of wine that night.

Stu chuckled and placed his hand on top of YNs. "C'mon, you can tell us, we can provide a lot of info."

"Yeah, we have a friend who's a cop too, so we have good insight." Billy continued and kept walking towards YN, sliding his hand against the counter top.

YN giggled at their attempts to get an insight scoop of what they've collected so far, but maybe the boys were right. I mean, they did have a cop as a friend, so that was definitely a good source.

Billy was a few inches away from YN, leaning against the counter top. "C'mon baby, you can tell us. We can keep a secret or two." He said and placed his hand on YNs left thigh.

They were almost drunk at that point and didn't care what they did or said. They were soaked between their legs because of the alcohol effects, plus Billy and Stu being so flirty and straight forward wasn't helping with their needyness.

Stu walked over to YN and stood right behind them. He placed his hands on their arms and soothed them. "We'll even introduce you to our cop friend, it'll be a perfect link for you." He whispered in their ear and they shivered at the sound of his soft voice.

"Mm... That does sound good... but I have a feeling there's a catch." YN said. Even in their tipsy state, they could reason and detect the boys wanted something in return.

"Now we're talking." Billy said and smirked, running his hand up and down YNs thigh. "We don't want much just..." He paused and stepped between YNs legs, running both his hands up their thighs and lifting their dress up the tiniest bit. "Wanna have a little fun with you, that's all..."

"It'll be good for you babe, you'll get exactly what you want, hm?" Stu said softly and placed his large hands on their waist.

YN was nearly melting at their soft touches and in their lack of sobriety Billy and Stu's offer sounded more than satisfying.

"Mm, you have a deal then." They replied and ran their left hand up Billy's chest.

"That's what I like to hear."

#billy loomis smut #billy loomis x you #scream (1996)#billy loomis x reader #ghostface smut #ghostface x reader #ghostfacesmut #stu macher smut #stu macher x billy loomis #stu matcher x reader

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wlwprker · 6 days

Text

coming out- s.r. x gn!reader

a/n: this is my first time writing for gn! reader so i apologize if it's not great! In honor of pride month coming up, I wanted to write a little blurb of reader coming out as bi to spencer, ik some people don't have the best experiences w/ coming out so i hope this provides you with comfort! I want every single one of you reading this to know that no matter how you identify, you are VALID and loved :) bi!reid is real to me !!

warnings: insecurities, self-doubt, i didn't proofread too much sorry for grammar or spelling mistakes!! bold and italics! lowercase intended

wc: 913

you always knew you were different than most people your age in almost every single way. you didn't like parties, you found peace within the pages of a book rather than at a bass boosting party with alcohol and strangers compacted into one area. you liked the rain especially the petrichor that the rain provided, it was peaceful.

however, you could get lost in your own head just thinking about anything and everything. today's topic that was plaguing your mind was your sexuality, a very touchy subject. you knew so many people who knew who they were at the start but that was just not you, you found people attractive which is normal, but it wasn't until high school that something had changed, and you weren't prepared for it, so you pushed it down so far that you thought it wasn't real.

it was very real. you thought the way you felt for your friend was a platonic feeling but it wasn't. you daydreamed about them, being with them, wanting to cross the line of friendship. you yearned for them and every single conversation, meaningless touch, every look...it drove you crazy.

so now all that repressing has come back to the surface all these years later and you're forced to address these feelings, emotions and thoughts all at once. what scared you more than anything was having to come out, that was something that you never have had to do before.

naturally, your mind shifted to spencer. you haven't been together long, but you hoped he wouldn't look at you differently or treat you differently, it terrified you. it was way too early in the morning for this, you had to get ready for work, spencer always was up earlier than you, so he wasn't home. you sighed and shook off your thoughts as you got ready and grabbed breakfast and coffee and headed to work.

you both worked at the BAU, and you both knew it was risky to be together because of what the job entailed but spencer and you wanted to take that risk. work was a good distraction from being stuck inside your head, you could use something to push those thoughts far away.

however, spencer knew you like the back of his hand, he knew something was wrong, but you had to be in the briefing room for a case, he would find time to talk to you. the case was a rough one to put it lightly, everyone felt drained mentally and emotionally which just added more thoughts to your head.

"you're not sleeping?", spencer said quietly so he wouldn't startle you. you shrugged and avoided his eyes because you knew if you looked in his eyes, his eyes would be asking you to talk to him, you can't, not yet.

spencer noticed the way you didn't look at him and his eyebrows furrowed in worry, he knew you didn't want to talk but there was clearly something circling in your mind.

the jet ride back to the office was quiet, very quiet. as soon as the jet landed, you grabbed your stuff and waited for spencer. spencer packed his stuff and put an arm around your waist, and you started to walk towards the parking lot, but spencer softly guided you to the empty briefing room.

"spencer, what are we doing in here?", you asked curiously. he didn't answer he just looked at you, waiting for you to meet his eyes.

"what is running through that mind of yours?"

you didn't answer and spencer lifted your chin up with his finger, so you were now looking at him. "there's that pretty face!"

you couldn't fight the smile that appeared on your face. spencer always knew how to lift your spirits no matter what. it was one of the endless reasons why you adore him so much, you are so grateful to have someone who cares for you as much as he does.

"it's nothing, it's stupid"

"if it's bothering you, it's not stupid", spencer whispered, and you knew that you couldn't keep it in anymore, it was spencer, he has never judged you.

"i just don't want you to think about me differently"

spencer's heart twisted in pain at the mere thought that you were worried he would think of you in a different way. "sweetheart, there is nothing that you could do or say that will change the way i feel about you"

you took a deep breath and played with your necklace as you worked up the courage to finally speak. "i'm bisexual and i've been driving myself absolutely crazy because I didn't want you to like think of me or treat me differently. not that you would but i get so lost in my own head and i was just so scared that i-" spencer cut off your rambling by grabbing your face in his hands and kissed you with so much adoration, you felt dizzy.

"thank you for trusting me with this, angel but i love you, you know that right? it doesn't matter to me who you love because you're still all i want every day of my life"

spencer reid will be the death of you.

"i love you too, spence", you said as he feigned a sigh of relief, and you rolled your eyes playfully at his antics.

"at least we have another thing in common"

you raised your eyebrows at him, and he smiled brightly back at you.

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fluff #wlwprker🥀💌#criminal minds #spencer reid x gn reader

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madlori · 5 months

Text

National Parks progress

I haven't posted about this in awhile. I'm going to pass the halfway mark in May (they keep making it harder, though, four new National Parks have been added since I started this ten years ago).

Here's where I've been. I have a trip planned for May, those are in italics.

Cuyahoga Valley

Great Smoky Mountains

Mammoth Cave

Congaree

Grand Canyon

Petrified Forest

Big Bend

Guadalupe Mountains

Carlsbad Caverns

White Sands

Saguaro

Shenandoah

Acadia

Joshua Tree

Badlands

Wind Cave

Theodore Roosevelt

Hot Springs

Channel Islands

Biscayne

Everglades

Dry Tortugas

Glacier Bay

Wrangell St-Elias

Kenai Fjords

Denali

New River Gorge

Indiana Dunes

Voyageurs

Arches (May 2024)

Canyonlands (May 2024)

Capitol Reef (May 2024)

Mesa Verde (May 2024)

Black Canyon of the Gunnison (May 2024)

#national parks #bucket list

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kisses-galore · 10 months

Text

Conffessions - Lottie Matthews

( not proofread )

( no crash )

(from my wp)

warning(s): making out, I think some cussing and more but I'm not sure

bold italics = flashback

lottie matthews x fem!reader

plot: Lottie and Y/N have had something going on for a while. They've snuck off to the restroom during parties. They've never spoke on it after it happened. One day Lottie tries to confess her love to Y/N and Y/N brushes her off and ignores her. One day Lottie is talking to Nat and Tai and they encourage her to go talk to Y/N.(someone please smack some sense into y/n)

mood/genre: idk.... 🥳

Lotties P.O.V

I straddled Y/N while we were kissing on my bed. She put her hands on my waist while I had my arms wrapped around her neck. We've done this multiple times. Although we never talked about it after. I'm going to try to talks to her about it tomorrow. Her kisses went down to my neck as she started sucking on it.

"Hey remember no hickeys." I said reminding her. "Where people can see." She said and flipped us do I was now on the bed. She put me in my back. Y/N took off my shirt with ease. She went kissed me on my lips, then went down to my neck, then kissed me in between my breasts. That's where she liked giving me hickeys. Everytime.

Your P.O.V

I was at my locker when Lottie came up to me. "Can I talk to you?" She asked. "Uh I gotta go to class." I said. "Class starts in twenty minutes?" She said. "Fine." I said. "Where do you want to talk?" I asked. "Right here." She said. I just nodded.

"Y/N look... I know we said no strings attached but-" Fuck.

"I gotta go to class." I said and walked off quickly. Shit. Is she trying to confess her feelings or something?-

Lotties P.O.V

"And then she said she had to go to class?" Tai asked. "Yes." I answered.

"That's fucked up." She replied. "Exactly!" I said hitting the lunch table slightly. "Try confronting her again." Tai said.

"I've tried. Multiple times. She keeps brushing me off. And it's starting to get annoying." I said. "Well that sucks." Tai said eating a fry off of my tray. "Where is Y/N matter of fact." Nat asked.

"She isn't at school again." I said and they both looked at me with a questioning look. "What I've got classes with her." I said defensively. "Yeah lunch." Tai said.

"Wait do you like know her schedule?" Nat asked.

Me and Y/N's schedule got thrown on the floor a while ago. I'm once again straddling her this time were in her room. Her hands are on my waist while mine are on her face. She kissed my neck and sucked on my sweet spot. I moaned quietly.

"Rules Y/N." I said. "Oh come on it'll be gone by the time we go to school." She said. She's probably right. She then went back to her work on my neck. "It does suck that we don't haven't any classes together." I said and she nodded.

"No." I said quickly. Maybe a little too quickly because they started laughing. "It's literally not funny me and her showed each other our schedules when we got them." I said avoiding eye contact."It kind of is." Tai said. "She most definitely likes you back." Nat said after. "Probably not." I said messing with my food.

"She literally knows everything about you. And honestly she literally confessed to me one time." Tai said. "Wait really?" I asked a little to happily. "Well not really but she's always so happy when you get mentioned, she can literally go on for hours about you. Which you can also do." Tai said.

"Well that's not really confirming anything?" I said questioning this logic. "Come on just believe her." Nat said looking at me.

"We're tired of you guys fighting, it's really bringing down our moods." Nat added jokingly. "Fine. I gotta go. Cover for me." I said. They both nodded and I ran off.

Your P.O.V

I heard a knock at my door and I knew it wasn't my mom or dad because they both have work. They don't get off till later. So I walked to the door and looked out of the window by it. It was Lottie so I opened it. "Hey can I come it?" She asked."Sure." I replied, she looked nervous and scared so i was a bit worried.

"Wanna go to my room?" I asked looking at her. She nodded and we went upstairs to my room. I opened the door for her and she walked in. Once I sat on my bed I patted the spot next to me."What's wrong Lotts?" I asked.

"Look. I need to tell you something. And you can't run away again." She said. I nodded. "I won't." I told her. "You know how when we first started doing whatever it is were doing?" She asked. I nodded. "And how we said no strings attached?" I nodded once again because I wasn't going to interrupt her.

"Well... I can't do that anymore. Y/N I really like you. Like like like you. And I really want to be together. I wanna go in dates with you." She said.I smiled and then laughed. "Why are you laughing?" She said.

"Charlotte Matthews. I like like you too." I said. She smiled. "Can I kiss you?" She asked leaning in but stopping half way.

"Yes." I said filling the gap.

#yellowjackets #yellowjackets x reader #yellowjackets showtime #lottie matthews #lottie matthews x reader #fem reader #gxg #🌹 kai writes

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miniimapp · 1 month

Text

Aaron Z - Actually, Cassidy, I Am Busy

Gen ;; Fluff - Headcanons

Warnings ;; Noooo ??

Proofread + Edited ;; only when adding the seasoning (bold,, italics,, purple,, etc.)

Auth. Note ;; I love highschool!Aaron Z too much,, he's so precious TT^TT

This turned out much longer than anticipated (💀), so I do hope you enjoy !!

✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈«

Ah,, the school production

How you've missed the last minute rehearsals, the after show parties, mouthing conversations across the stage and that one girl who got the lead and won't shut the hell up about it

What's not to love ??

Okay,, maybe you're being unnecessarily pessimistic

Because you'll still come back

Every

Single

Time

Honestly,, it's a problem at this point

Like masochism but without the physical pain

Though it is sometimes physical

Like,,

Whoever the fuck is responsible for some of these dance moves needs to chopped into little pieces and fed to some hungry piranhas

You've rolled your ankle and nearly shattered it into smithereens about a hundred times

Rehearsals have just started and you're on your first fucking dance number

Clumsy is looking like a bit of an understatement at this point

You're not normally like this, you swear !!

You're just not much of a dancer

At least not these dance moves anyway

Who decided a high kick followed by step-turn followed by another high kick and then a roll and then a fucking leap into yet another bloody high kick was a good and necessary part of the routine

You'd do just fine with a few arm waves.. maybe a YMCA if we're feeling particularly adventurous

You have a few choice words for them

Or maybe a whole ass speech

We'll see how articulate you are when you find them

As you huff and puff through your anger you don't notice the sound of footsteps behind you

"What are you doing?"

An ungodly shriek flies from your lips as you jump nearly three fucking feet in the air

You curl into a nearby wall, grasping at your chest as if that would slow your racing heart

"What the hell, man?"

You groan at the cackling boy behind you

Aaron Z

Fucking prick

Since being forced together as what essentially boiled down to patient and nurse,, the two of you had grown close

Bit hard not to when you can't catch a single break from one another

"Couldn't resist, sorry."

You held up your fist, shaking it mockingly

"One of these days I'll get a bell on you and then we'll see what's funnier."

"I could be wearing a foghorn that goes off whenever I come within 6 feet of you and you still wouldn't notice. You'd be too stuck inside that head of yours."

You roll your eyes but concede with a smile

"Whatever, man."

"Anyway, wanna let me in on what has you so.. "

"Excited? Thrilled? Jumping for joy? Sure thing, Z, let me fill you in on what I so dearly love about these shows!"

Z furrows his brow and looks almost.. scared ??

Dramatic fucker

"I've truly missed practically breaking my ankle every other second oh so much, haven't you?"

"..I just got off crutches.."

...

Fuck

"Right, that was ill-timed, huh.. but you get my point!"

Z kinda just stares at your blankly as you fight the urge to sigh

"..Okay, so maybe you don't get my point.."

"You know, I don't know if I even know my point.. oh well, just know that my feet hurt and I'm ready to throw hands!"

Z blinked at you slowly before nodding

"Sure, you do that.."

You,, lost in your righteous fury,, don't register the sarcasm and nod firmly

"I absolutely will do that, just you watch me. I swear, when I get my hands on that-"

"Z! We need some help with the choreo over here, could you spare us a second?"

Your eyes narrow at the interruption before widening in slow realisation

"Be right over!" Z yells back before turning to you. "See ya."

You glare at his shrinking figure..

So he's the bitch that's decided to cast ruin upon your ankles..

Very well,, two can play that game !!

You'll give him just as good as you get

Over the following weeks you pulled some..uh,, harmless (??) pranks on Z

All necessary reparations for the damages to your body,, mind and soul,, of course !!

Really,, you didn't ever do anything bad to him.. just caused some mild inconvenience

Like,, when he changed shoes for dancing you'd spray the insides of his trainers with water

Or putting his playlist on shuffle when he's across the room

Or "accidentally" breaking his bluetooth connection by turning off his speaker and then turning it back on again.. multiple times throughout rehearsals

You would never do anything actually harmful !!

All tricks are mildly inconvenient and annoying at worst and funny at best !!

You swear !!

Please no arrest..

A month or so before the show you notice Z getting actually frustrated at one of your little.. pranks

So you decide to quit them,, they were pretty petty after all

Unfortunately,, in the process of putting a stop to your trickster ways Z notices you in your trickster ways

Needless to say,, he's not all that.. impressed

(It's not your fault the guy's been attempting to break your bones every rehearsal,, whether intentionally or not..)

So an apology it is..

SIKE

As if !!

Just because he's perpetually in crutches doesn't mean you want be

Haha loser..

...

Okay,, okay

So maybe you do apologise after all

That last thought made you feel kinda bad.. it's not Z's fault his limbs are too long and don't listen to him

(It's prolly because they're so far away from his brain..)

Although,, and you hate to admit it,, he somehow overcomes the limits of his lankiness and becomes quite.. graceful when he dances

It's pretty cool to watch..

He looks very at home,, not just in the space but also in his body

It's enchanting to watch

(IN A COMPLETELY PLATONIC WAY AHAHAHAHA)

Haha..

.. anyway

Z, to your surprise, takes the situation really well

Like,, bursts out laughing kinda well

Which, let's be clear, you were so relieved by, you'd been expecting him to be pretty upset about it

But no,, Z's spent enough time around his friends and their pranks to be able to find the humour in your "revenge"

If anything you accidentally incite a prank wars type situation

Which really solidifies your crush ahem,, sorry friendship

You know what they say,, friends that prank together stay together

(Though I guess it's less pranking together and more each other.. oh well)

The war spans the rest of the rehearsal period,, each one a (probably sloppy) attempt to one-up the last

It's fun

And better yet it's mostly harmless

Mostly...

There was that one time a bucket barely missed your head when Z was attempting to douse you in glitter

At least you would've had a concussion in style ??

Anyway,, the prank war was pretty much harmless

No fatal wounds were received which has to count as a win,, right ??

You both made it to opening night unharmed !!

And someone seemed to pick up on your disgruntled attitude during dance rehearsals because suddenly there were a lot more breaks and in depth dance breakdowns

And wouldn't you know it,, the ensemble began picking everything up 12x faster

A greater miracle you've never seen

And if by opening night the prank wars are somehow still going..

Well,, the glint in Z's eyes whenever they catch yours tells you more than enough

You're in for a treat

#how do these always get so long..#oh well #more for you guys ig #4town #4town headcanons #4town aaron z #4town aaron z x reader #turning red #4*town #aaron z #4town x reader

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starlightvld · 2 months

Text

20 Qᴜᴇꜱᴛɪᴏɴꜱ ꜰᴏʀ ꜰɪᴄ ᴡʀɪᴛᴇʀꜱ

Tagged by the lovely @snarky-magpie - thank you!!

1. How many works do you have on A03? 13 (for now...☺️)

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count? 429,228

3. What fandoms do you write for? Voltron: Legendary Defender and Call of Duty: MW Reboot

4. What are your top five fics by kudos? - Couch Surfing (COD, soapghost) - Broken Bones & Shattered Hearts (COD, soapghost) - Up in Smoke (COD, soapghost) - Formalities (Voltron, sheith) - Research and Development (Voltron, sheith)

5. Do you respond to comments? YES. I love talking to people in the comments. 😍

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Probably Couch Surfing because it's an "in progress" ending. But it's still mostly happy because I can't really write anything else. LOL

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Probably Formalities? But all of them are pretty tooth-rotting...

8. Do you get hate on fics? No

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Yes, but it's always slow burn smut with feelings (hi, I'm ace).

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? I love thinking about crossovers, but I haven't written any yet (unless you count the AU from question 13, I guess).

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I know of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Not that I know of.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? The soapghost Punisher AU I'm working on with @kibagib - You're my mask, you're my cover, my shelter - is basically co-written. Kiba gives me the outline for what they want to happen in the scene, and I write it out, adding my own flare here and there. It's been so much fun to work together to bring Kiba's visions to life!

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? As much as I love soapghost, I think sheith will always have my heart.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? So far, I've finished or am actively working on all my WIPs... 😯 I do have an idea for a soapghost inter-dimensional-travel, angst-with-a-bittersweet ending fic, but that one hasn't gotten past outline phase. That's the closest I have to a fic I might never finish. (This fic would also win "angstiest ending," btw.)

16. What are your writing strengths? I think I write dialogue and emotions/introspection pretty well.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? I struggle with descriptions - they are often what I "add in" during the editing phases. I'm also a VERY SLOW writer, which is why it takes so long to update sometimes.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? I don't do it unless I have a native speaker willing to help me with the translation. Otherwise, it's just English but in italics. LOL

19. First fandom you wrote for? Dragon Age (long ago with a different user name)

20. Favourite fic you’ve written? I love them all, but my first sheith fic - In Sunshine and in Shadow - will always be special to me because it helped me process that atrocious VLD ending.

Tagging... errmmmm... @oodelally9 @kayluvlygrey @hawkeykirsah @ticktockclockwork @ursae-minoris-world @insomnikat-mused @chalkofthevalley

No pressure! Ignore or play as you like!

#sheith #shiro x keith #soapghost #ghostsoap #ghoap #COD #vld #Call of Duty #COD MW reboot #writing #my writing #OG Starlight

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thecrenellations · 10 months

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"How many souls on this earth call you Francis?"

In 60 years of the Lymond Chronicles, I'd bet that many others have compiled this exact thing, but here is a list of who calls Lymond by his first name! Marthe draws our attention to the question near the end of Pawn in Frankincense, but it's clear throughout the series how deliberately Dunnett chooses what to call the characters in narration and dialogue - the choice can reflect who Francis Crawford (for example) is to others as well as to himself, at any moment. I love it, and Meaningful Naming is a feature of most of my favorite stories.

Characters are listed with the book in which they first call him Francis in dialogue. Italics indicate they call him that when he isn't present. If they directly Francis him later, they’ve been added to the list for that book, too.

I've also noted to whom he's just Francis in the narration - it's always someone who thinks of him like that, and it always makes me feel a lot.

If you notice something I left out, or if you know where to find similar analysis, let me know! Let us all be scholars of Francis.

Lists below! Plus some thoughts and quantitative stuff. (many, many spoilers)

The Game of Kings

Sybilla Semple (see, I have to decide what to call all of these characters, too!)

Margaret Lennox

Christian Stewart (to Sybilla, and I'm sure she called him Francis in their childhood)

Richard Crawford

Francis in narration from the POV of: Richard

Queens’ Play

Tom Erskine

Jenny Fleming

Margaret Erskine

Martine

Oonagh O’Dwyer

Phelim O’LiamRoe

Francis in narration from the POV of: Richard

The Disorderly Knights

Will Scott

Kate Somerville

Graham Reid Malett

Adam Blacklock

Janet Beaton

Jerott Blyth (I'm also sure Jerott called him Francis in the old days, but he doesn't return to it until the scene with Evangelista Donati at Midculter)

Francis in narration from the POV of: Richard, Tom, Kate, Sybilla

Pawn in Frankincense

Jerott Blyth

Dame de Doubtance

Marthe

Francis in narration from the POV of: Jerott

The Ringed Castle

Alec Guthrie

the Abbess/Sybilla's sister

Francis in narration from the POV of: Richard

Checkmate

Philippa Somerville

Marguerite de St. Andre

Catherine d’Albon (to Philippa)

Nicholas Applegarth (also to Philippa)

Adam Blacklock

Danny Hislop

Francis in narration from the POV of: Jerott, Philippa, Richard, Sybilla, Adam

Observations

Aaaaah!

Richard's monopoly on the narration Francises in the first two books kills me, I love it. The first, of course, is "God, Francis had screamed."

As a reader, I started calling him Francis, sometimes, somewhere in the middle of Queen's Play and stopped overthinking it by the beginning of the next book.

I didn't count, but I'd bet that Jerott says and thinks it the most. He's there more than probable runners-up Gabriel (shut up, Gabriel) and Richard (ily Richard) are, and Philippa goes on her own ... journey before thinking of him that way and allowing herself to think of him that way.

Adam is unique for making the list in his first book, specifically not calling Lymond Francis in The Ringed Castle, and then putting himself back on the list through address and narration in Checkmate. But that's The Ringed Castle for you 😬. And their entire relationship - there's a chapter or so in which Adam's narration calls him de Sevigny.

Who even calls him Francis in RC? Just Alec, Richard, and Margaret, I think. ("Do you call her Slata or Baba?" Thank you, Philippa.)

I would teach myself tarocco and play for at least a few hours to learn when Will started calling him Francis. Also the Erskines! They're all so genuinely close in the years after Game of Kings.

Notable Absences

Güzel - well, that feels meaningful. They were together for years. If she did, we didn't see, and I would also believe that she didn't.

Archie - will he ever? Who can say. Either way, he's the best. Also, see here.

Mariotta - I bet she does, after the first book, we just haven't been there.

Fergie, probably?

Piero Strozzi - Francesco? My petit François? I don't remember any Francises, though!

Ivan (and others?) - I'm not counting Frangike, either

Robin Stewart - I mean, I'm sure he would have if he'd known his boyfriend's real name before ... all of that went down.

Diccon Chancellor - probably not? I'd also put this down to the Ringed Castle state of mind. As meaningful as their friendship was, it makes sense for the book to continue to distance the reader, at the very least, in that way.

Does Francis call himself Francis?

No.

He doesn't, really! He's never that from his own point of view, but we do see him sign a few letters with his first name. These are to:

Kate (Pawn in Frankincense)

Catherine d'Albon (Checkmate)

Philippa (Checkmate)

All of this is not to say that “Francis” represents who he truly is; it certainly shows intimacy and usually vulnerability, but I feel that Lymond and Francis Crawford can be just as definitive when deployed, and that Lymond has a certain neutrality. There's also something really interesting that happens when the characters are stripped of names and become just "he" or "she," from their own perspective or others.

And then we get things like "Mistress Philippa's decorative husband," which really deserve their own list.

"How many souls on this earth call you Francis? Three? Or perhaps four?"

18 of the 25 Francis-ers on my list are living at the end of the series, and when Marthe, who is not one of them, asks that question at the end of PiF, it's 12 (out of 18 total).

18 out of 25 is a 72% survival rate! Great!

2 of the 18 are pretty awful (Margaret Lennox and the Abbess)

4 of the 18 live in France, which he's currently exiled from

1 of the 18 lives in Ireland, but I think they should still hang out!

2 of the 18 may be departing for Malta, apparently

7 of the 18 are people he probably sees or keeps in touch with regularly, 9 if I count Janet Beaton and Margaret Erskine, because I like them and they're not very far away.

As much as I wish that many of the others hadn't died, I think he's doing pretty well.

#FRANCIS CRAWFORD #lymond #lymond chronicles #checkmate #dorothy dunnett #dear lord this got long #but i had fun #and it's mostly just lists #thank you marthe for that quote #something i

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yelenasdiary · 1 year

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The Third Widow || Natasha Romanoff

Pairing: Wanda Maximoff X Fem! Belova! Reader.

Summary: Y/n Belova is the younger biological sister of Yelena Belova and the adoptive sister of Natasha Romanoff. Saved from Red Room by Melina & Alexei she now must adjust to a new normal. Going to school, recovering, and finding love in the eyes of another troubled teen, Wanda Maximoff. All while General Dreykov has his eyes set on claiming back what he calls his most powerful ‘widow’.

Angst | Comfort | No Warnings | 2.1K |

Notes: Flashbacks are bold, italic and start with ‘~’ | Written in second person. |

AC: Ignore the text not the gif lmao.

The Third Widow Masterlist

"Nat, there's somebody here to see you" Steve popped his head into the redhead's room, breaking her train of thought, "I'll be down in a moment" she replied as she finished filling out one of the many mission report forms. "It's Y/n" Steve adds, Natasha turned to face him, "send her in and please don't let anybody else up"

"Of course," he smiles softly before closing the door. Natasha cleaned up her desk a little and checked her mini fridge for a selection of drinks to offer just before she heard your light knock on her door. "Come in" Natasha said with a welcoming smile as you opened the door, "I'm sorry to come unannounced, I was wondering if I could talk to you?" You looked at the older woman with tired eyes.

"Sure, do you want to talk here, or we can take a walk?"

"Uhm, here, please"

"Of course, take a seat anywhere" Nat smiled softly once more, "what's going on?" she asked once you were sat comfortable on the end of her bed. Your eyes looked up at her, "I can't sleep" your eyes dropped to your hands in your lap, "I can't stop thinking about all the things I've done, I mean, made to do" you added, "I don't want to worry the others"

"You're struggling to adjust?" Natasha asked as she sat beside you, "yeah" you sighed. "It's not easy, I'm not going to sugar coat it for you, but I found that talking about it actually helped. It took me a long time to trust anybody enough to share the things I'd done"

"Did you have nightmares? Did you still hear his voice ringing in your ears?" you looked up at her hoping she understood and to your relief she nodded, "I did and that's one of the reasons I became an Avenger, to make up for the things I did, to try and clear the bad from my name as much as I can before its my time. I know something that might help if you're interested"

"What is it?" you asked.

"This is something I haven't told anybody, but I help out at the girl's orphanage not far from here. I teach them self-defence and I take them out for the day when I had time off. It might not seem like much but seeing them smile makes it worth it. There's just like how you and I were, how you and Yelena were, girls that just want a chance to do simple things like go to school, get a job, girls that Dreykov would've easily taken if he had a chance" Natasha turned slightly to face you face-to-face. "They would love to meet you and maybe they might be able to help give you some hope that things will be okay, maybe not overnight but over time, things will be okay" she added.

"I'd like that" you smiled softly at the idea, "C-can I stay here for a few days? I find that Melina's house is a little much for me right now" you asked, Natasha smiled back, "there's always a room here, you can stay here as long as you need. Does Melina know you're here?"

You nodded, "I'll call her to tell her I'll be here for a few days"

"I'll do it" Natasha gently rubbed your back, "So, I hear Wanda made a visit last week" She raised a brow, changing the topic just to see you get giddy. "Y-yeah, she jus-just wanted to catch up" you stuttered as you felt the butterflies flutter in your stomach, Nat chuckled at the redness in your cheeks, "come on, I'll show you the spare room"

----

Natasha could hear the discomfort you were in, with your room next to hers it was hard for her not to hear the groans and sleep talking from your nightmare. She hated to invade your privacy, but she remembered when she used to have nightmares just like yours and how she always longed to feel safe again. She made her way quietly into your room, she could see the droplets of sweat pooling from your forehead, the way you kept tossing and turning reminded her of how dark her nightmares were.

She placed a glass of water on the bedside table and kneeled beside you, "Y/n" she whispered causing you to groan and toss once more, "Y/n, it's just a dream" she added but still, you didn't wake. "I won't do it!" you shouted in your sleep when you felt Natasha pull you close to her, your eyes fluttered open tears instantly falling from them. "It's okay" Natasha rubbed your back while keeping you wrapped her in arms, "it's just a dream"

"I just want them to stop" you cried, clinging onto your older sister as if this was the last time, you'd ever get to hug her and feel the comfort she was able to bring. "I know and they will, I'm going to help you, I promise" Natasha assured you as she continued to rub your back while you cried yourself back to sleep. Gently she shifted you and laid your head on the pillow while she quickly went back to her room to grab the mission reports she hadn't finished.

While you slept, Natasha stayed up filling out reports and being there for you with assuring words and comfort for when you woke up again. She didn't mind doing this, she'd had plenty of nights where she didn't sleep, sometimes for nights on end during missions. Natasha kept a count of how many times you woke up during the night, totaling 6 times while she was there. When morning came, she quietly let herself out and allowed you the sleep in you needed.

"You're up" she smiled as you entered the kitchen, "coffee?" she asked.

"Please" you nodded, your eyes wanting nothing more than to be sleeping again. Natasha handed you a mug of fresh warm coffee, "thank you for last night" you looked at her before taking the coffee from her hands. "Don't mention it" Natasha smiled, "I thought today we could go down to the orphanage, if you're up for it" she added. "Yeah, sounds good. I just need a shower and this coffee" you replied before taking your first sip, "take your time, I'll just need to hand that pile of paperwork into Tony"

The warm coffee was just what your body was craving to help keep you awake or maybe the help of seeing Wanda was more than enough to keep your eyes from closing. "Natasha said you were here" her voice made you blush just like you did when you were younger, "yeah, I thought I'd come see what Nat's all about" you joked not wanting to tell her why you sought Natasha's help.

"How long are you staying?"

"Only a few days"

"Do you think you'd have time for a sleep over?" she smiled softly. "A sleep over?" you frowned causing Wanda to chuckle, "you've never had one before, it'll be fun, I promise" she replied.

"What exactly do you do at a sleepover besides sleep?"

"Eat a bunch of crappy food, watch trashy movies, gossip, do a bunch of girly crap" she explained with a convincing smile. "You'll love it, what do you say?"

"I fear I don't have a choice" you smiled, "how about my last night here?"

"Sounds perfect! I can't wait" she playfully winked before helping herself to the fruit bowl, "what's your plans today?" she asked.

"Uhm, Natasha and I are doing something, she wouldn't tell me about it though" you lied.

"Well, I'm making dinner for everybody tonight, will you and Natasha be joining us?"

"I'm pretty sure, yeah!" you smiled, "I should hit the shower, I told Nat I wouldn't be long. I'll see you tonight" you added before giving her one last soft smile.

----

"Nat!!" a young girl with blonde hair came running into Natasha's arms, "Hey there!" your older sister smiled as she hugged the young girl, "we have missed you! Are you taking us out today?" she asked with a wide smile.

"Not today honey, but I have somebody I want you all to meet. This is Y/n, she's my younger sister"

"Hi" you smiled at the little girl that somehow within such a short few minutes made your heart feel full. "Hi! I'm Taylor" she smiled with a wave, "Come on, let's go meet everybody else" Natasha took Taylor's hand as you followed closely behind.

The room was almost like a classroom, there were roughly 10 young girls playing board games or drawing. "The older girls are in glass; these little angels are all between 7 and 10 years old" Natasha explained as more girls greeted Natasha with wide smiles and big hugs. "Girls, I want you to meet somebody special, this is Y/n" Natasha introduces you before the room is filled with greetings to you, "Can you girls keep her company for a moment?" she asked, not a single no was said. "I'll be back, I just need to go chat to somebody, you'll be okay" she turns to you with a smile before she's out the door. One of the girls tugs your hand and asks you to play monopoly with them or maybe it was just code so everybody would ask you questions about yourself.

They asked many questions like what your favorite color was, which was your favorite movie, your least favorite food, what do you like more, dogs or cats? Anything the young girls would think of to build their own profile on you. Although you didn't mind it at all, you answered all their questions, even if you had to make up an answer.

"Are you going to come back every week like Nat does?" Brianna asked with wide eyes and rosie cheeks. "Would you guys like that?" you asked, "yes!! You could come with us to the places Nat takes us! She's so fun, she lets us eat ice cream before lunch!" one of the girls pitched in, exposing their little secret with Nat. "Yeah!! Nat is taking us to the carnival on the weekend, will you come?" Taylor said.

"Pleaseeee!!" the girls begged in sync, "well I don't see why I can't" you smiled softly earning a bundle of 'yes' from the girls then at last, you all played a game of monopoly.

----

The drive back to the compound was mostly silent as you got lost in your thoughts, "I can hear your thoughts from here, come on, what's up?" Natasha glanced over to you before putting her attention back on the road. "Those girls, they have barely anything and yet they seem so full of life, and nothing seems to worry them" you looked over at Natasha, "they were happy to see you and to even get to know me" you added.

"You know, they do worry" Natasha replied, "they worry every single time a couple walk through those front doors to take one of them home, they worry who it's going to be. Will it be them or somebody else and when it's not them, their hearts are broken. They worry why they weren't picked; all they want is a family" she explains taking another look at you for a second. "You saw how excited they were when they met you, how they wanted to know everything about you and for those few hours we were there, they weren't thinking about whose next or why they weren't picked, all they cared about was making a new friend" she adds.

A soft smile tugged at your lips, "and I guess for those moments I didn't feel like I was born into a world to be used as a weapon" you spoke softly.

"You weren't born for that, we were just dealt with crappy cards and now we just have to find things that make us as happy as those girls, even when we know things are perfect we can still find joy in little things"

"I see what you did, very smart" you chuckled, "seeing those girls, I needed that, thank you" you added.

"What are sisters for?" Natasha smiled softly, "do you think I could join you in helping them? I mean, I'd really like too" you asked. "Of course, we'll talk more about it tomorrow, I hear Wanda is cooking dinner for us all tonight" she nudged you lightly. "If I tell you about Wanda, will you stop dropping the hints that you know? Yelena told me everybody knew" you raised a brow.

"Well, is there anything to tell?"

"Maybe" you blushed unable to hide it.

"Its your business so I won't poke around anymore but, you are my sister and if Wanda steps out of line I wi-"

"What is with you and Yelena?! God!" You groaned as your cheeks got more warm, "We care about you, that's all and look, it's nothing against Wanda, I know her well" Natasha smirks, "I just wanted to see you squirm" she admits. "You're an ass!" you chuckled.

#natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff x reader #black widow #fanfiction #marvel #wanda maximoff #yelena belova

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mikeysbabygirl · 2 years

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𝘿𝙀𝘼𝘿 𝙂𝙄𝙍𝙇𝙎 𝙏𝙀𝙇𝙇 𝙉𝙊 𝙏𝘼𝙇𝙀𝙎

MASTERLIST-

PREVIOUS CHAPTER-

NEXT CHAPTER

PAIRINGS: Bonten!Rindou Haitani x Fem!Reader/ Bonten! Ran Haitani x Fem! Reader.

SYNOPSIS : 'Cause two can keep a secret if one of them is dead.

Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, nor hell a fury like a woman scorned.

What if their first love came back ? What if everything they thought had happened that night was a lie ?

WARNING : 18+ , MINORS DNI. Mention of guns, murders, poison, sex trafficking, sex work, toxic relationship, threats, blood, possessive Ran and Rindou.

Please let me know if you want to be added on my tag-list!

Network : @tokyo-ballroom @downtown-roponggi

Tag-list: @rans-baby @trashmemebitch @inuiskitten @bontensbabygirl @mydream-synopsis @youdidntseemehere21 @qualitygiantshoepsychic @xcrown5 @owensuitcase @redhood278

CHAPTER : 03

( What is written in bold and italics are flashbacks)

- " So you're telling me, the hunter was here?" Ran leaned on the table with his elbows, staring into Koko's eyes right in front of him.

-" Yes ! And she was a fucking menace !" The latter exclaimed from where he was sitting, on Mikey's left whilst the Haitani's were sitting at his right.

The other executives shared a conniving gaze, Sanzu was the first one to burst out laughing, quickly followed by both Rindou and Ran. Kokonoi's eyes widened from wrath, he searched for Takeomi's support but that one was clearly trying his best to hold a mocking smile, smoking next to the window.

-" She ? You're scared of a bitch Koko ?" Sanzu jested through two uncontrolled laughters.

-" Fuck" Kokonoi rolled his eyes because the trio in front of him won't stop laughing. " She's not just a bitch, she's the vigilante. She uses chemical weapons and is even an archer "

-" did Cupid finally found you then ?" Rindou added in a scoff which almost everyone there laughed at except for Mikey, sitting at the end of the table, Kakucho, sitting at the other end right in front of him, and Kokonoi who gave him the finger.

He was expecting them to at least take him seriously when he told them about what had happened to him a night ago, their reaction only increased his frustration. Along with screwing his window and his chandelier, the vigilante triggered his pride. Out of all people, she had to come to him, he knew he wasn't the best at fighting among them, but he wasn't the weak link either, it embarrassed him to be the one who was put in such a situation and had to deal with his co-worker's teasings.

-" Aha-aha, super duper funny, Haitani. Didn't knew Jellyfishes could tell jokes ".

-" what did she look like anyway ?" Takeomi started, throwing his cigarette out of the window and making some steps toward the table where he sat next to Kakucho. " How can we know she's not lying ?"

A frustrated tsk left Kokonoi's mouth, his eyes drifted toward the window before answering.

-" Didn't got to see her" he mumbled under his breath, hoping they wouldn't insist but obviously, they would. Takeomi frowned yet his brother was faster to answer, leaning a little more over the table to gain Koko's attention.

-" you still haven't been to the eye doctor ?"

- " Goddamn-"

-" she held me in thrall, Okay ?" He exploded, finally facing their curious eyes. " Aimed at my window and my back was to her, excuse me I wasn't ready to die "

-" I guess we can say she took you from behind " Everyone laughed again at Rindou's joke, except the three previous wet blankets, namely Manjiro and Kakucho working on their laptops and Kokonoi throwing death glares at nearly everyone there.

-" she's bluffing" Ran resumed after his laughter subsided. " No way she would've killed five well trained men on her own ".

Two of them, namely Kokonoi and Sanzu were about to start arguing but everyone's eyes drifted toward their boss when he uttered his first words, the silence fell on the room.

-" she knew we were following the vigilante's track " his tone was dry, left no room for arguing while his eyes didn't left his laptop. " The information never left this room. Unless it left one of your mouths".

All the executives looked at each other, some even discreetly gulping down. Mikey quickly set an eerie mood with a single implied sentence, his dark eyes sliding over each of them at an overwhelming slowness.

-" She, um" Kokonoi cleared his throat, searching for what he was about to say before his boss' eyes fell on him. " She spotted Sanzu when he was investigating in her crime scenes".

-" Damn" Rindou scoffed, rubbing his temples. " When I told you the killer was a genius ".

-" and soon dead, isn't it boss ?" Sanzu asked his boss, that one tilted his head to the side questioningly. " She penetrated our compound, threatened one of us and went as far as giving you orders, are we gonna take this disrespect?"

No one said a word, waiting for Mikey's, but it was obvious that they all agreed with Sanzu. That was clearly a first time, no one has ever been this far with Bonten, their reputation was scary enough to avoid such situations.

The boss stayed silent for what seemed like endless minutes, eyes lost, proceeding everything that happened.

-" Sanzu. "

Hearing his name falling from his boss' mouth, Haruchiyo stood up, ready for whatever order he would give him to find the woman. His mouth whatever, fall agape and his eyes widened when that one spoke again.

-" Stop the investigations."

As if electrified, all the members froze, their eyes full of shock and looked at each other quickly before returning their attention to their leader.

-" Excuse me what ?"

-" Ya serious Mikey ?"

They froze again, but that time because he threw a deathful glare that shut them all up. They were still shocked, however. Despite their wise choice to keep quiet, they still couldn't believe they heard his command well.

-" questioning my orders maybe ?"

The temperature dropped several degrees, an oppressive aura belonging to none other than Sano Manjiro imposed its authority throughout the entire room.

- " Not to be mistaken for what it's not " Ran started holding Mikey's gaze. " We're just curious at why you're doing that".

-" She stated she had no intention on lashing out at Bonten".

-" And do we trust her ?" Inquired the elder Akashi who was astounded.

He was not the only one to be, it was really eerie coming from Sano Manjiro to trust someone, or to even be merciful. Why would he ? He was as strong as to destroy the whole country if he wanted to, including that " hunter", who broke inside his hideouts, threatened one of his subordinates and dared to boss him around, usually, the person would already be six feet under.

An impassive Mikey landed his weary eyes on everyone of his executives.

-" She would've took the risk to come and get herself killed, then just left without doing anything ? " He gestured toward Kokonoi. " Not even killing him ? Robbing him ?".

Silence fell once again on the room, they had to admit that sometimes they didn't thought it through enough, what he was saying actually made sense now. Killing Bonten's wallet would have been a good way to get to them, the vigilante even could have done more, being inside the building and having several knowledge about chemical weapons, it could have been way worse than just a broken window and a crashed chandelier.

-" it remains to be seen why she was so insistent that we stop looking for her " Kakucho declared with a look toward his boss, that one nodded faintly, thinking about an answer.

-" It wasn't fear, I can tell" Kokonoi acknowledged. " I don't know what her true motives were, but I know for sure she wasn't afraid to be caught up ".

-" Why not? " Ran requested, leaning against his chair and crossing his legs. " If she really wasn't afraid, she would've shown up at me, or Rin', or Mikey, or-"

-" Glad to see I'm taken seriously " Hajime scoffed with a raised eyebrow, the elder Haitani smirked at him.

-" What I meant was, why you ? Out of everyone".

-" She could never have gotten to Mikey without getting through me since I was guarding his house that night " Sanzu explained.

-" Takeomi and I were out on a mission " Kakucho added before the latter nodded.

Rindou who has been somehow silent leaned over the table with a hand rubbing his jaw.

-" Why not us, then ?"

The question remained without an answer, floating in the air around them. They weren't together that night, the vigilante could have attacked anyone of them, why did she chose Kokonoi out of all people ? It looked like something was truly hidden behind it.

-" There's something" Kokonoi added, hands flat on the table. " I don't know if it's relevant actually".

-" just say it ".

His eyes wandered around the room, he recalled the events of the previous night then planted his eyes in those of his boss.

-" When I said boss' gonna kill her, she said something about... Already being dead " he had a confused expression on his face, just as nearly everyone in the room.

They seemed to think it through a little bit, before Rindou sighed.

-" Isn't it supposed to be a metaphor? Like dead from inside or something like that ?"

-" I don't know " the silver haired man ran a hand through his hair. " It's just a detail I guess I-"

-" every little thing matters, you did well, Koko " Mikey praised, the latter suppressed a smirk and bowed slightly, largely surprised by his compliment. " It could eventually mean she was one of La Compagnie's victims who came back for revenge "

-" We never heard about someone getting away from there " remarked the elder Akashi.

-" But it would make sense. I mean, we still don't know why she's doing all of this".

-" That could be a lead."

-" That could mean Koko's afraid of a call-girl" Sanzu's joke lightened the atmosphere a little bit, even the concerned one rolled his eyes but had a small smirk on his lips.

-" it could eventually explain why she seemed to be all about La Compagnie and no other gang or criminal around Tokyo " Kakucho declared thoughtfully, almost everyone nodded at that.

It made more sense now, who else than a scorned woman would take La Compagnie on a hunt ? What stronger motive could push someone to act as recklessly as she was doing ? She might have been one of the girls they kidnapped and forced into sex work, who escaped and decided to take her revenge. At least, that was what everyone of them was thinking.

-" So we're looking for a probably young woman, former prostitute, gone missing since a couple of years, maybe a chemistry major ?" Rindou summarized with slight gestures with his hands, earning a glare from his boss which surprised him.

-" I said we're not looking for her. Not yet. Not until she finishes La Compagnie for us at least ".

They all agreed to what their boss said, though Rindou's profile seemed to be pristine. Kakucho inquired next.

-" Would we get rid of her ? I mean, after she's done doing the dirty job for us ".

Once again, Bonten could have handled all of this by its strength. No one doubted they would have ruined La Compagnie and Hiroto Mori if they wanted to, still the problem was the bigger names involved in it. A minister, a police chief, many politicians, it would have been an issue to deal with all of this added to their daily business. Therefore, it was a bliss that someone took care of it instead of them, it avoided many unnecessary burdens actually.

-" Eventually... " Mikey grumbled, then his attention went to the smirks on many of his executive's faces, conniving looks, he rolled his eyes.

-" Very likely" he rephrased, earning a small laughter from Ran.

-" Very surely" he whispered to his brother who shook his head and smiled.

-" Talking 'bout Hiroto Mori" Rindou started, getting all the eyes on him. " Are we going tomorrow?"

Mikey looked at Kokonoi before nodding, nothing but a simple silent answer. The youngest Haitani sucked his upper lip before trying again.

-" And do you think she is coming ?"

All eyes were on Mikey. He huffed, leaning back in his seat. He couldn't say for sure, but it was safe to assume that the vigilante would not fail to attend the event organized the next day by Hiroto Mori.

On the other hand, the logic would want the politician to be on his guard since the many losses that his camp has recorded for a few days, he was not sure that it was a good idea for "the hunter" to show up there.

-" If she does, the night's probably not ending well " he shrugged, his executives agreed silently.

Which means they had to be careful, the Hunter could be anyone, could be anywhere, and could do anything. The hunter might even sit at their table, share their dinner, be their partner for a waltz, and they had no way to know that.

•••

-" Shit, I hate this day" you cursed rather loudly while fixing your lipstick on the mirror. Conor who was standing next to your bedroom door, wearing his dress' suit smiled playfully.

-" Is it because it's your dad's birthday?"

You threw a death glare at him through the mirror.

-" No, it's because it's St.Patrick's day and I hate the color green " you rolled your eyes and Conor laughed slightly. " Seriously, that bastard doesn't deserve a birthday. I hope he'll get assaulted by a horde of bees. Mutant bees"

-" Okay, right, let's breathe " the older man made few steps inside the room, you put back the lipstick on the vanity before grabbing your gown's skirt and turning around to completely face him.

He was handsome, no denial, you never saw him looking so good. The dark color of his suit was a delight with his deep blonde locks, and behind his silver mask, his green eyes shone magnificently.

-" Everything's gonna be alright, 'Kay ? The plan will work-"

-" We'll be walking on thin ice tonight and you know it " you argued. The plan was complicated, you were understaffed and the hotel will probably be highly guarded, it was quite dangerous yet you knew you would never dream of a better chance to get to the dreamhouse. And everytime you thought about it, your hands would start unconsciously shaking, cold droplets of sweat would start gathering on your back because that's where it all began, the downfall. Still you had no right to pay attention to your fear, it wasn't about you anymore, it was about hundred other girls who are facing way worse than what you did, there were no room left for your worries.

-" It's gonna work" he reassured. " And a horde of mutant bees would be the least of your father's worries ".

Through your stressed state, he managed to get a smile out of you. God, you loved him, he really has been what kept you grounded through all these years far from everything you had ever known, without him you probably would have ended everything.

You quickly turned around, headed to the vanity and grabbed your mask, an impressive Favaloro lux black one. Staring at your face in the mirror, you smiled to yourself, satisfied with your look before putting that latter, making sure it covered more than half of your face therefore you would remain unknown to men who knew you since forever.

Peevish or not, getting all dolled up always had a hand on improving your mood a little bit. It has been ages since you didn't felt so pretty, gorgeous, even. Your ball gown was stunning, an A-line shape, with a sweep/brush train hanging behind you with every step faking a princess look. Its color was a deep swallowing black, sleeveless, spaghetti straps with a V-neck extending until almost your belly button, no bra was needed since it was an open back dress, but the most beautiful detail about it was the embellishment.

Black applique adorned the straps, the neckline, and the waist in a form of black rose petals, giving the outfit a dramatic extravagant air. About your hair, you picked up a plain half up half down hairstyle, with curled hair strands adorning the look, all added to a crimson lipstick and some mascara. This would surely not be the most enticing look of the night, yet it stayed enough to not draw anyone's attention to you.

After you were done with fixing your mask, you turned to face Conor again and that one extended an arm toward you, smiling mischievously as you let out a little huffed laugh.

-" You look beautiful tonight" he praised, eyes on yours, you gave him a grateful smile, started walking out of the room with him and expressed a nostalgic sigh.

- " Oh the last time I heard something like this..."

Back to your childhood room where things were still what they looked like, your favorite color painting the four walls around you, posters of your former favorite rockstar and some models you envied, low music playing in the background while you were half sat on your bed, phone in your hands.

You sighed loudly, the woman peering at you from head to toe with a look you knew was full of judgment, a cigarette stuck between her lips.

-" you really 'bout to stay here, mourning all night?"

Your eyes drifted toward the brown haired woman in her maid's uniform, standing next to your bed and leaning against the wall. Esmeralda has been the maid even before your birth, so much that she became your mother's best friend. After that one's loss, she took care of you like her own daughter, well, like the daughter she never wanted to have.

She was perfect, really. Absolutely what people would never expect when you talk about a housekeeper for a rich politician, at the age of seventeen, you used to think she was one of the coolest women you're ever known. Always hidden in a corner, smoking some weed, sometimes even making out with one of the rich friends of your dad. The household was the least of her worries, yet she never let you down, you knew she loved you from the bottom of her heart, always there to give you advices. Maybe not the best advices, yet she did her best.

-" what am I supposed to do ? " You inquired frustratedly, putting your phone next to you on the bed. " It's obvious they don't want me there".

-" And do they own the house ?" She sarcastically replied, you frowned.

-" Uh... Yes ?"

Esmeralda rolled her eyes, taking a drag of her cigarette.

-" Yes, but do they own you ?"

You gave her an exhausted stare, you had no energy to argue at all, especially with Esmeralda. All you wanted to do that night was to lie in bed, mourn and binge watch your favorite TV show for the umpteenth time.

Usually, your nights were way busier. Yet lately, you have seen yourself turning into a rather lonely person, for the two people you used to hang out with the most since your childhood started to walk away from you.

You met Ran and Rindou Haitani at the elementary school. Two or three months acting like cat and mouse turned you into best friends, and since then, they never left you. You had other friends, indeed, but you didn't saw them often since most of your time you spent it with the brothers. Well, used to spend it, since they have been acting distant with you a couple of months ago now. Everything started because of that white haired Filipino, god, you hated him so much. Ever since your best friends started hanging out with him, they never wanted you around anymore. It hurt you, you really wouldn't stop thinking about it, sometime even shedding a tear or two at night because of it. Ran and Rindou used to want you everywhere around them, at school, then after school, at their house, outside, even at the parties they threw.

Tonight was different though, you learned from some highschool friends that they were throwing a party, and both of them hid it from you and never cared to invite you. You were mad, but above all disappointed, it was the first time you tasted the bitterness of betrayal, no matter how much you opened your heart to Esmeralda about how hurt you were, your heart still squeezed painfully in your chest everytime you thought about it.

Why would they think about replacing you ? You didn't changed, you still were the same girl they had as a best friend. But then, you gulped down as tears started to form in your eyes, you still were the same girl... And they grew up, they have been to Juvie, they had new friends, new girl friends, maybe you just weren't what they needed anymore...

-" I just wanna sleep, Esme " you crossed your arms, the maid rolled her eyes and took her cigarette between her two fingers, straightened and put it out on your nightstand, earning a glare from you.

-" Listen, pussycat" you winced at the nickname while she sat next to you on your bed, throwing one arm around your shoulder. " Do they own you ?"

-" Absolutely not. " You denied. There was a time where they used to say you were theirs, that no one could befriend you, but it was long gone now, sadly.

-" That's it ! I raised you as a strong independent woman. What does a strong bitch do when a man tells her not to go somewhere?"

You turned your head towards her, planting your eyes in hers azure blue, biting into your lower lip, you answered.

-" She does go ?" Your maid nodded with a smirk on her face, something you knew was definitely bad news.

-" she does go. And she puts on a slutty outfit to piss him off even more "

-" Uh, I'm not sure abou-"

-" shh, I know better. " She claimed.

And the next second she was dragging you by the hand toward your dresser, completely unaware of your protests.

She eventually ended up dressing you as her personal doll, ignoring your grumbling. Trying on one outfit after the other until she found what she assumed was " the perfect arsenal".

It was over the top. If you were in a cliché telenovela, Esmeralda would have been that one best friend dragging the nerd main character out of her comfort zone.

And you were not uptight, far from it. You were cool and confident by nature, still this was pretty much exaggerated. Everything felt wrong, your breasts were showing up more than necessary, the top was ridiculously short and you were sure the most decent thing about that outfit was the jean she made you wear because there was no way you would go at the Haitani's party-which you were not even invited- wearing a short tight dress.

-" Oh my gosh, our daughter looks so beautiful" standing just behind you while you faced the mirror, she exclaimed, untying your hair.

You shyly smiled, eyeing the outfit anxiously. She and your mother had that way of calling your " their daughter", you remembered it used to get you confused as you were young.

-" Isn't it like too much ?" You asked even though you knew what her answer would be.

-" oh please, your mom and I used to wear half of this " she rolled her eyes again whilst you laughed. " Dumb and dumber will see red, all them boners gon' be about you tonight ".

-" Esme please !" You whined, a disgusted expression on your face, Esmeralda raised an eyebrow.

-" What ?" She scoffed. " Were you thinking it was their phone, poking hardly from their pants when you sit on their laps ?"

You swore it has been so long since you didn't felt your cheeks growing that red, thinking about the brothers in such a way was just so wrong, you grew up together, shared everything from your food to your beds sometimes. Still you felt embarrassed, because things started to change, they grew up now, they attracted girls attention, took more care of themselves and you couldn't help but notice it.

" Could we just stop talking about cocks ? Plus, we're just best friends ".

-" Yeah yeah " she passed her fingers between your hair waves once again before grabbing the perfume from the nightstand to spray your neck. " That's what I used to say about my second husband".

-" the British one ?" You tilted your head questioningly, her eyes wandered toward the ceiling, making you laugh incredulously that she seemed to have forgotten.

-" actually that was the third one" she remarked, putting the perfume back. " But never mind, it's time to go. Oh and for Beyonce's sake, be a bitch tonight ".

You couldn't help but smile at the memory, eyes lost on the landscape passing by at high speed through the car's window. Your hands on your lap were sweaty, you could feel the knife strapped to your thigh under your dress, tonight, everything had to be perfect. Your mask had to never leave your face, many persons there could recognize you, you were supposed to be dead and dead girls simply don't attend ballrooms wearing a black dress. You knew about everyone that would be there that night, your father, his guests, his allies, and them. They would be there, he invited all the influential men and women Tokyo had ever known, and you were not sure but you felt like Sano Manjiro would take it as a chance to have a word with Hiroto Mori about how they started invading their own territory. A war against the political system was surely not the best for Bonten now, still the well-known Mikey would not let such a disrespect slip away, obviously.

Everything was foreign, you left the country for so long that you couldn't even tell you belonged there anymore. Did your body belonged to the monster you became anymore ? Or was it that of the dead girl they killed long ago ? Even the invitation cards in your and Conor's hand sitting next to you on the Limo weren't yours. Mr. And Mrs. Satō agreed so gently - or not- to lend you their names and cards for a night, after a charming conversation over a cup of tea- and your so friendly Glock 19 - , what a kind gesture has it been from them.

So you were miss Satō for tonight, and through your husband's and yours Limousine, you were getting closer and closer to the masquerade ball taking place at Ms. Hiroto Mori's hotel, celebrating his birthday with his few influential friends.

From a distance, the hotel was like a dying sun sinking under the horizon and inside that sun, those who ruled waltzed.

The hotel was as gigantic as you remembered, a skyscraper illuminating the now dark night with its thousand and one lights. The limousine stopped right in front of it, a valet quickly came to open your door, bowing gently as your supposed husband walked around the car to get closer to you and extend his arm for you to take.

Both of you walked through the small garden, where some lovers found privacy that their mask only could not give. The bittersweet music of the orchestra traveled as far as deep within the garden, and as soon as you both stepped inside the large main room, you winced discreetly at how loud the music was.

Against the haunting darkness of the night, the ballroom glowed incandescent with the light of a hundred crystal chandeliers. You looked up, at the vaulted ceilings, high walls with crown moldings, glossy hardwood under your feet at every step you made inside. Thick velvet drapes covered large french windows which displayed Tokyo's outside night, and at every corner of the room, there were spiral staircase to the second level.

The second level being mainly occupied by the orchestra in the middle, but at the four corners of the room, there were curved observation balconies, giving a full sight of the room.

-" Wow" Conor uttered, stopping in the middle of the crowded ballroom with his arm curled around yours. " This is-"

-" Ugly. " You gritted your teeth, he just smiled once again. " Everything is ugly, everyone is ugly. Except us ".

He knew you were just bitching to cover-up your anxiety of being inside this horrible place one again, he could see the spark in your eyes as you peered at the women with updos and expensive jewelry, their silk skirts drawing graceful sweeps across the marble floors, men in handsome suits, spinning and twirling with their various partners under the soft light of the tiered crystal chandelier.

The ballroom was enchanting, you had to admit it. But, the array of the richly coloured ball gowns and suits paired with intricately detailed masks, however would always fail to make you forget what was happening at a certain secret floor in that so well decorated facade of hell.

There were few pillars under the inside balconies some rich men and women were peering at the dancers from, you hurried to grab your heavy skirt and made your way toward one of them, sighing finally when you felt the cold marble against your bare back, under the laughter of Conor who came to face you.

-" If I succeed into fighting with this weighting -a-ton dress and high heels, I don't want anyone calling me anything short of queen ".

-" you've gone through worse " he simply declared, you agreed with a wince while his eyes traveled around the room.

Conor watched as the dancers spun and spun, everywhere intrigue and laughter erupted like champagne bubbles. The orchestra were focusing on each note they were playing from the main balcony at the center hovering over the room, he stared at those empty faces, laughing, dancing or simply talking business, then his eyes widened slightly when he caught a familiar face, once that seemed to be looking toward where you two were standing.

His eyes immediately drifted toward you, whose glances were following the dancers, felt Conor's on you and threw a questioning look at him, the expression on his face made you immediately straighten up, ready to hear the news.

-" Do not look up. Rindou Haitani is looking at us ".

Your heart first skipped a beat, you went completely still and it was a torture to not turn your head and search for him. You were completely fine before Conor told you, but he said his name, you started feeling strange chills on your back, as if you were imagining his stare on you.

You blinked quickly and looked at Conor, who gave you a conniving glance and closed your fists around your Tull skirt, drying the sweat gathered in your palms as your heart beat loudly in your chest.

-" Is he still looking at us ? " You anxiously inquired, your partner glanced toward one of the observation balconies, where he saw the Haitani the first time and noticed that one's stare was still fixed on you.

-" Yeah... D'you think he recognized you ?"

You exhaled your stress and shrugged, staring distractedly at the dancers.

-" I mean I'm wearing a mask, but it's Rin', we've known each other since forever and- shit am I acting natural ?"

- " Okay, calm down " Conor reached for your hands and stopped you from doing big gestures around yourself, avoiding you to draw other's attention toward you.

-" I'm sorry" you sighed once he grabbed your hands. " It's just too soon-"

-" I know" he silenced you, a hand around your waist to pull you in a hug whilst his chin rested on your head, his strong arms around you managed to calm your erratic heart beats, making you relax a little more against him.

It was nothing like that moment where your best friend tells you to not look behind you, because a crush or someone else is looking at you. Knowing that Rindou's eyes were on you got you frozen inside, every breath was hard to catch while anxiety ate the best of you, what if ? What if he recognized you ? What if he started suspecting something ? Biting on your lower lip, you separated from Conor and straightened your skirt as a way to cope with your trembling hands.

It was not like you hadn't saw him in years, you did actually kept an eye on him- not out of stalker tendencies- you just wanted to make sure him and Ran were okay. Yet it was different when you knew he could see you too, when you knew a mask wouldn't stop Ran and Rindou Haitani from recognizing you, not you.

Sensing your distress, the blond quickly glanced toward the middle of the room then stretched a hand toward you.

-" shall we dance ?" You peered up at him, confusion clouding your mind. " Will take your mind off it, you needa stay focused tonight, brat ".

You knew he was right, the mission was far too important to be ruined because of your personal feelings and life, you had to get yourself back together even if it was hard, it wasn't like you were not expecting to see them tonight anyway, you just got stressed out when you heard he has been staring at you. Reluctantly, you offered your hand to Conor who took it, leading you toward the middle of the waltzers.

From the balcony, Rindou licked his lips absently watching the various dancers waltzing around. His facial muscles went slack, something was wrong and he just couldn't put a finger on it.

He was doing perfectly fine, staring absently at the crowd while Kokonoi was next to him, chatting with some business man there. Yet everything seemed to stop when his gaze fell on the newcomers, precisely on the woman in a black gown.

She didn't attracted his eyes because of her beauty, well, she actually looked good, like really good , but all of them ladies were looking good that night, he just felt his guts stirring when his eyes stopped on her, for an unknown reason.

There was ... That familiar feeling, like when you have a word on the tip of your tongue still you can't find it, or precisely when a face seems familiar yet you can't put a name on it. And he tried to remember, he watched the woman though more than half of her face was covered, he watched her husband too, and nothing seemed to tell he already met them.

Maybe was it just a déjà-vu ? He stopped himself on his track, déjà vu of what, again ? His amethyst eyes unfocused and drifted toward old pictures, faces, situations, and there was no picture coming to his mind but there was the quick frenetic rhythm his heart just took, how his thoughts seemed to be amplified and the uncomfortable heat choking him suddenly.

He had to calm down, why in hell was he even stressed ? Yes it was stress, anxiety even , maybe. Was that woman a potential enemy? A threat ? Was it the reason why he felt so uncomfortable while watching her ?

His eyes widened slightly, could it be... Could this woman be the vigilante?

It made absolutely no sense, Rindou cursed himself mentally. How in hell would he recognize her when no one knew her face, what she looked like or even her age ? He was delirious, and his fidgety hands weren't helping at all.

He glanced at the couple who were waltzing again, searching for a possible reason that could make him so familiar to that woman. A tattoo? She had none, or seemed at least. Her outfit maybe ? In fact, she was probably the only woman in there wearing a black gown. The man she was dancing with ? He wasn't even a Japanese, he couldn't know him.

Yet, Rindou's hands clenched around the railing when he caught a sight of the blond's arm around her waist, his chest grew tighter and tighter, when was the last time he had felt such a cringe?

The strobe lights were pulsing from inside the room, the music coming from the black speakers was reaching the garden, the young people seemed to really appreciate his mixes, their living room was crowded with heated bodies moving to the rhythm.

That was why he loved being a Dj, he felt like he had power on those people, whatever playlist he would play, their bodies would follow, along with the cheers coming from everywhere in honor of the Dj.

It was more than just catchy music, he was absorbed by it, to the point of completely diving into the atmosphere. Rindou's body stiffened and his heart skipped a beat when a hand brought him out of his euphoric state, he turned wearily to the face daring to disturb him, thinking it was another drunk girl but his gaze fell on that of his brother who got closer to him on the Dj table without being noticed by him.

-" Wassup dude ?" He asked, but when he stared at Ran a little more, he could easily tell that one was mad, for he knew his brother like the back of his hand and nothing was as scary back then as a mad Ran Haitani.

- " You drunk or somethin' ?" He inquired again, Ran didn't answered, he exhaled his frustration out and his tight grip around Rindou's shoulder directed his gaze toward the front door, where a girl and a boy were leaving the party.

So that was it, Rindou frowned. It was the same feeling, the envy, the jealousy squeezing his chest. His grip tightened around the railing, what was it with that girl that reminded him of... you ?

Teenage Rindou put his headphones immediately on the Dj table, adjusting his hair while throwing a conniving glance at his brother.

- " Someone's trying to take her from us " the latter declared, letting go of his brother's shoulder and staring at where your body was standing just before you went outside with that boy.

No more words were needed, Rindou started heading toward the stairs as soon as Ran finished and the elder followed him closely through the crowd, making their way out.

The chill night's wind did nothing for their growing anger, their bulging veins or their ruined up mood. Their eyes analyzed every corner of their garden, of the street even, but there was no one, not even a car that just was started, no matter if they were outside, it was too hot for Rindou, he knew if he didn't found you, he would be suffocating by then.

-" We lost her, hm ?" He started, kicking angrily at one empty bottle of beer left on the grass. " Lost the best fuckin' thing down there f'us ? "

-" They couldn't get really far " Ran didn't gave him a single glance, if Rindou was losing it, someone had to keep calm to spot you before you ever left with that guy.

Shit, Ran cursed mentally. What has gotten into you ? Why were you here when they didn't even invited you because of the dangerous people who would be there that night ? Their world wasn't for you, not anymore, not when the whole Tenjiku and other guys just as insane would be in the same house. And what in hell were you wearing ? His fists clenched so strongly that his nails were scratching his palms, he had to find you, and fuck some sense into you.

-" Let's check the backyard" he offered, or more precisely commanded toward Rindou, that one who started calling your number nodded, and they made their way through the backyard.

Yes, that was the same feeling, he recalled now. When they got to the backyard and saw you with that one guy they knew from juvie, as he was about to handle you his lit up joint, nothing in the world could have made him forgot his anger of that day.

-" Inside. Now. " Rindou's voice commanded, while standing in front of you and your new friend of the night. You two were sitting on the staircase that led to the backyard, you frowned, looking curiously at the brother's stern expressions.

-" Wait, shit " a laughter escaped Chin's mouth, as he took his joint back. " Are these your brothers ?"

Rindou cringed, Ran was seeing red, why weren't you moving ? They were mad, you could tell. Were they like this because you came without an invitation? Or because you were about to try your first drugs ?

No matter what was the reason, they had no right to be, not after they have been ignoring you for weeks now, you crossed your arms.

-" Who you think you are exactly?"

Ran's eye twitched, Rindou let out a frustrated laughter while looking away, and you started getting scared. That was when you should be frightened, when Ran wasn't smiling anymore, and when Rindou did.

Their gaze left yours, they were now fully staring at the guy who put back what was in his hands and made a sorry smile toward them.

-" Look guys, I didn't knew-"

-" I said, my bedroom, now. " Ran was the one to speak this time, and even though he didn't looked at you, you knew it was directed toward you.

You knew damn too well what was about to happen, for you saw them in that state before, that guy wasn't gonna make it intact to his house, for sure. Chills ran down your spine and your throat felt dry, looking at their impassive faces, reluctantly, you got up and started walking back toward the front door, Rindou felt your eyes on them once more before you got inside, but they were too far gone to even notice you at that moment.

After all, you would get some too, later.

His thoughts were racing faster now, he couldn't get his eyes off of that blond's hand around your waist, and he couldn't get those old pictures out of his head either. What was that déjà-vu about ? Why out of all people would that girl remind him of you ?

She had the same hair color, he noticed, and approximately the same height, but half her face was covered, yet he couldn't deny it, with a tight throat , she did looked like you.

Was he hallucinating? Was it one of those tricks where he would see you everywhere? He had one of those hallucinations once when he had been high, he recalled. But it was years ago, just after you died, and he wasn't in his usual state.

He lost his ability to see more than one or more two steps ahead, fearing that he would miss something but didn't even knew what, he acted impulsively and walked quickly past Kokonoi, reached for the stairs and walked them down. Rapidly looking around, he spotted a lady standing on her own there and walked toward her, she turned her head toward him and smiled softly when he came closer.

-" Wanna dance?" He asked, eyes going between her and that woman in the black dress, waltzing with her partner. The lady's eyes widened and stared surprisedly at Rindou's shape, her mouth formed a perfect O before she nodded frenetically.

-" Um, yes. Yes, sure!"

He didn't bother to add anything, just took her hand and guided her to the center of the dance floor, where you and Conor were waltzing along with many other couples.

Conor winced as he spotted the Haitani putting his hands clumsily around the girl's waist and starting to dance, still his eyes drifting toward you every now and then.

-" lover boy number two is coming faster than a truck " he declared, you stiffened. Exhaling loudly, you peered slightly over your shoulder,your heart racing faster when you spotted Rindou waltzing closer and closer toward where you two were, you winced.

-" Does he think he's being discreet ?" Conor laughed.

-" I think he couldn't care the least about being spotted " you agreed with a nod, tightening your grip around Conor's shoulder as you felt your stress increasing. " Do you think he recognized you ? "

You shrugged, thinking about his question.

-" Rindou acts impulsively" you explained while Conor made you twirl. " He might have felt something odd, I guess ".

He nodded, eyeing the orchestra above. While he was proceeding who knows what, your mind raced with various hypothesis. Could he really have recognized you ? It wouldn't be so surprising, no one knew every detail of you as they did, and what was he intending to do exactly? Why was he getting closer to you two ?

You could still feel every move of yours being watched, you knew he had his eyes on your back, maybe was he trying to get a better view of your face ?

Your hands were shaking, stomach squeezing painfully, how were you supposed to hide it ? How would he react if he learned it ? If he saw you ? What would he think ? Of you ? Of Conor ?

The music down there didn't helped to calm your breathing, your hands on your lap were shaking, even the fancy mattress wasn't as comfortable as it always has been. It has been more than ten minutes that they asked- ordered you to go upstairs, in Ran's room, you waited and waited, anxiously trying to see anything through the window but Ran's room didn't give a full view of the backyard.

So you sat there, panicking, thinking about that guy's fate and yours as well. You chewed the inside of your cheeks, stood up, made some steps through the room, sat back, biting your lips and fidgeting on the bed, they were taking way too long.

It was obvious they were doing this in purpose only to exacerbate your stress and apprehension, you knew how much sadistic they could act and that exactly what was scaring you.

You had your eyes on the clock, still biting your lips when the door opened, you lifted your head and put your hands on each side of the mattress quickly when they entered the room, looking at both of them.

Bile rose to your mouth, even in the dark, you spotted the blood on Rindou's knuckles and on Ran's baton, your hands fisted the sheets to hide how they were shaking. Rindou closed the room behind him, Ran stayed up in the middle, facing you who were sitting on the bed anxious eyeing the brothers.

-" Been looking f'ya everywhere".

It was Rindou who started, back still facing you while he had his hand on the doorknob. His tone was cold, you have never heard him addressing you in such an unfriendly way, you gulped down.

-" Got afraid something happened to ya ". It was Ran's turn to speak, that one was twirling his baton around one of his braids, head tilted toward the window where he was staring at the yard.

-" And you " a sarcastic, bloodcurdling laughter escaped the youngest's mouth, you pressed your thighs together. " You, were smoking with some fucker like a whore ?"

Along with the fear, your eyes widened in outrage. They have never insulted you, their vocabulary has always been somehow dirty, yet they never been as far as to offend you. You tightened your grip around the sheets.

-" You do it all the time, should I call you manwhores ? "

Oh you should never have, Ran's lips pressed together, he turned his head toward you and it felt like you just received a cold shower when his gaze fell on you, meanwhile Rindou turned around and started walking toward the bed. You fidgeted when he sat just next to you, but your heart literally stopped beating when his hands wrapped around your waist to pull you in his lap, you struggled, tried to push him away, but he was stronger.

-" Rin, fucking let go. " You ordered, nails digging in his hand's skin.

-" You're testing our limits " he warned, hand gripping your chin to make you look up at him, you gritted your teeth, they always have been the strongest, whenever you fought when you were younger, whenever you bickered, they always ended up winning.

-" you're fucking kidding me ?" .

-" And we don't like acting as the " Roppongi Haitani's " with ya " Ran interrupted you, squatting in front of you and Rindou. " But you give no choice".

You could feel the sweat rolling down your back, you stopped every movement and pressed your back against Rindou's chest, nuzzling unconsciously in his arms to avoid Ran's fierce gaze, his lips curled in a soft- too soft- smile.

-" Aww Rin', think we scared our pretty princess " he mocked you throwing a glance at his brother over your shoulder, that one's lips pressed against your cheek, you could feel the smile on them though and closed your eyes slightly, ignoring the heat that you knew wasn't fear.

-" Shh, love. We'd just kill f'ya " he whispered against your cheek, you opened your eyes again when a cold material touches your chin, Ran has just lifted your head up with his baton, lazy smile directed toward you.

-" I'll do it, angel. If i need to carve our name on your back so you understand you're our's, I'll do it."

What in hell was even happening inside your body ? Why weren't you just afraid of them ? Why did it had to be so complicated? So intoxicating? Suffocating, even. They were unhealthy, you knew they weren't the cleanest guys out there, far from it, they were too twisted for that. Still you were there, you didn't moved an inche, taking their threats because you knew, you knew damn too well they would never actually hurt you. In fact, you knew they were the hurt ones, though they would never admit it.

Ran pressed his baton harder against your cheek now.

-" Now be a good girl f'daddy, smile f'me ".

You didn't behave, just raised an eyebrow at him, he sighed.

-" Never leave our sight again, yeah ?"

- " This just doesn't make sense, you were pushing me aw-"

-" Please. " He begged, however with a stern face now, his words asked, yet his voice ordered, you knew you better not extend the argument. " We'll turn crazy ".

-" You jus' don't understand, you're our fuckin' sanity " Rindou stated, chin resting now on your shoulder, his hands were playing with the straps of your top and you shivered, he smirked discreetly at your body's reactions.

-" we're jealous, so horribly jealous ".

-" and we had you first ".

-" Rin I'm not a toy-"

" It's okay, I know she can be a good girl for us. Yeah ? " Ran lifted your head with his baton again to make you look in his eyes, you rolled yours sarcastically but nodded, against all odds.

-" it was unwise, I admit " you found a way to apologize without uttering a " sorry ", and they seemed to be satisfied with it, judging by Ran's smile and Rindou hands wrapping around your waist.

-" Got ourselves the prettiest babe down there, Ran " he stated toward his brother, his lips brushed against your ear then. " You know we'd never freaking dream of hurtin' ya, yeah ?"

They would not, never. They never did, they just... Had their way of acting, of being, a way that would seem unhealthy, something you would've ran away from if you didn't loved them so much.

-" Hey, I'm talkin' to you " Conor snapped you out of your thoughts, you breathed heavily, as if you were engulfed in the depths of your memories and shifted your gaze from the void to look at him.

-" Sorry, what were you saying ?" You apologized, looking over your shoulder and freezing even more when you saw Rin' and his partner were only inches away from you, discussing who knows what.

-" I said, the symphony's reaching the highest notes " he shot you a heavy glance, you frowned, then rolled your eyes exasperated.

-" What a fucking genius bastard " you exclaimed, as the music was getting higher, your heart raced in apprehension.

-" What Am I supposed to do ?"

You inhaled deeply, then exhaled, the night was just starting and you both had a lot of things to deal with, a suspicious Rindou Haitani was far from being the worst.

-" just let him in " you surrendered. " He's suspicious, if we run away, he'll be convinced".

Conor agreed silently to what you said, though reluctantly, apprehending the moment when the orchestra would play the climax of their symphony.

And they finally did.

Alerted by the music, your partner twirled you, Rindou did the same for the girl he was waltzing with, and gracefully, you exchanged partners, what he has been aiming for since he got closer to you two, he had it.

He thought that sensation would disappear when he'll get closer to the woman, how wrong was he. The minute his eyes met her masked face and his fingers rested on her waist, his body froze.

Unable to blink, he watches as she looked anywhere but in his eyes, her hand rested on his shoulder, while the other squeezed his biceps slightly. She avoided his gaze, the crease between his eyebrows was deep and evident, the same familiar feeling was still there, even though he knew it shouldn't be this strong with an unknown woman, hell, why did she looked like you that much ? Now he knew, she reminded him of you, her gestures, her features or at least what he could see of them, if only she let him meet her eyes, or hear her voice, he couldn't explain why, he simply needed it.

-" Do I... Do I know you ?"

God, his voice changed, but at the same time, it sounded the same. Your chest tightened, you could feel yourself growing emotional and you shouldn't, you shall stay focused for tonight, you were letting them have the best of you while you had to remain professional.

Breathe in, breathe out, you would get to see them later, hopefully.

You didn't lifted your gaze to meet his when you answered by a mere silent no, shaking your head. Rindou hands on your waist stiffened, he twirled you and watched while your hair flew around you ever so gracefully, then asked again, when he held your body back.

- " I feel like, I've already seen you somewhere"

He waited for an answer,only to hear your voice, god he needed it. And you didn't gave it to him, what was a plain intuition turned into a paranoid thought. No, he couldn't be imagining, and he couldn't let himself think about what was playing through his head anymore, it hurt way too much. He denied, you must have a different voice, a different eye color, you had to face him, to talk.

-" Isn't your gown way too dark for the dress code ?" He couldn't in fact care less about the dress code, yet every other woman around was wearing light colors, you were practically the only one there wearing black and he just wanted, needed to hear your voice.

No, that wasn't a dream. No, that wasn't his heart beating so loudly, hands shaking around you. No, this wasn't you.

-" Hey " he snapped back, voice growing stronger, you bit your lip. " Eyes o'mme when I talk to ya ".

He requested, and you eyed the orchestra above once again, mentally calculating the time they would take to come to the end, switching the partners again, then, he just had to wreck you.

-" Shit... Pretty please, lemme see ya "

He had to beg, with his so low voice he knew you would give up, back then. Your throat tightened as if an invisible hand was strangling you, your eyes watered, could he take it ? Could you take it ?

Your hand on his shoulder went up to his neck, fingers slipping between his amethyst hair locks, and finally, Rindou's heart fell to his feet, he stopped breathing, couldn't hear the music anymore.

Your eyes drifted toward him, it was a lose-lose situation, he was already long gone, and your voice was the end of him.

-" I'm dressed to kill."

Shock. Denial. Realization. Numbness.

His brain stumbled on too many thoughts, couldn't tell if he should start by your face, your voice, or your words.

Your eyes, your face, you, and the hunter.

Paralyzed, numb to everything, he didn't react as fastly as he hoped when the men switched their partners again, and his hand closed around nothing, too late to catch you when you twirled back to your partner, you slipped between his fingers.

Once again.

#bonten rindou #haitani rindou #mikey tokyo revengers #polyamory #ran haitani #ran haitani smut #ran haitani x reader #ran smut #rindou angst #rindou haitani x reader

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rose-arwen-padme · 9 months

Text

Suppression: Sneak Peek at the next chapter

Hello there! I haven't been nearly as active on tumblr as I've wanted to be lately, but I thought I might make up for that with a sneak peek at one of the final chapters of the fic. This a flashback, and experienced readers know the text of flashbacks appear in the story in italics. Because the segment is on its own here, however, I'm changing it to regular font for the purpose of this post.

For those unfamiliar with my fanfiction story, Suppression, it follows the canon/legends AOTC story of Anakin and Padmé's courtship-- with a lot of extra scenes added in. Here are some links if you'd like to check it out!

AO3 Link and Fanfiction.Net Link

A galaxy's worth of gratitude to those who have found/followed me on tumblr. This sneak peek is meant as my sincere thanks to you all.

Hope you enjoy!

IX. NABOO

Chapter 57. The Holy Man Returns

O love, O fire! once he drew With one long kiss my whole soul through My lips, as sunlight drinketh dew. ― Alfred Lord Tennyson

“Don’t hold back,” I stated firmly. “I want them to be able to see it from the other side of the chamber.”

Rabé silently followed my instructions, drawing the makeup brush in the red pigment before reapplying it to my top lip. She was careful to mind the established lines so the effect did not bleed— ironic, as the color of the cosmetic was meant to symbolize spilled blood. The Scar of Remembrance deepened under her expert hand. The ceremonial markings represented the suffering my people endured before the Great Time of Peace. Since the day my term began, I’d donned the lipstick, face coat, and twin dots to solemnly remember an ancient history I had no personal recollection of. Today, it was my war paint. History took second-standing to contemporary threats. My pacifist home had an enemy… and we were losing.

I squinted at the blinding light coming through the window’s horizontal shades, but I didn’t move. Rabé had asked me to stand in the bright path of Coruscant’s sun so that she may better retouch my makeup. I obeyed the rules of my handler as devoutly as she obeyed the decrees of her Queen.

The tip of my tongue and the juices in my mouth captured the flavors. The red pigment tasted like almonds, as it always did; the white like sour candy. At least, to me. Sabé often insisted the white tasted how her aunt’s “nasty perfume” smelled. After a minute more of ministrations, Rabé retrieved a mirror the size of a datapad for a final check. She held it up from a meter away, and a ghostly white face interrupted by dark hues stared back at me. There was the red, of course, but she’d also filled in the brown of my eyebrows well— not that I used them much to convey expression when I adopted the Amidala persona.

Today had to be a careful exception. An exception to the usual brand of stoicism because I was here to plead a case, and I would seek to touch the emotions of those listening. Careful, because the Senator for the Trade Federation would be there too. For the sake of my home world, I could not afford to look unbalanced in front of him.

“Does it please you?” Rabé’s accent enveloped her question in its lovely way.

Weary of the weight of the horned headpiece, I only slightly dipped my chin in approval.

It was an ingenious trick— Eirtaé’s suggestion— to wear the ornate horns for the all-important event, as it added a significant amount of height and authority to my petite frame. The red and gold layers of my wide dress helped greatly as well. But although the adornments of arched hair and many tassels were counterbalanced by the full train of sectioned hair going down my back, I was still getting reacquainted with having such a massive embellishment on my head. Just three days on Tatooine allowed me to fall back into the comfort of being a regular girl again, with a regular girl’s braids. If I hadn’t worn the medium-sized, fanned headpiece during my strategy meeting with Senator Palpatine— easing me back into the physicality of Queen— the transition from simple handmaiden garb to this might have given me whiplash.

With my styling complete, Rabé stashed the mirror and went to help the others. Sabé and Eirtaé were storing the rejected wardrobe options back into my upright trunks.

The silence as they worked was deafening.

It was unnerving for all of us— to be a group of four, instead of our usual six. The compensating rhythm was awkward and… sad. There was too much space in the opulent room. Too much empty air. Fear for Saché and Yané fueled my growing impatience. It had been gracious of Palpatine to offer rooms to his Queen in his own apartment, but I was restless to trade these red walls and black statues for the audience I’d traveled here for— the audience I’d abandoned my people and run a blockade to be seen by.

{Our only hope is for the Senate to side with us.}

“How much longer must we wait?”

“Senator Palpatine promised he will be here to escort you before the special session begins.” If Sabé’s voice had an accent, it was one of lingering regal authority. Similar to me, albeit in the opposite direction, my decoy was still adjusting into her alternative-self. Her vocal cords were finding their way back to her natural tone after using the Queen’s voice, in which she’d been meticulously confined ever since we’d switched roles in the palace. It had been, by far, the longest she’d ever had to use it.

Rabé’s voice rang with concern. “Do you think it is as he said? The Supreme Chancellor does not have the power to help us?”

“Chancellor Valorum called for this special session so that I may address the Senate. I cannot believe they will allow the injustice to continue once they’ve learned of it.” Surely, the state of the government couldn’t be as bleak as Palpatine claimed. His idea of calling for a vote of no confidence had to remain a last resort. Even if Valorum was ineffectual, it was far better for Naboo to have an ally in a weakened Chancellor than for me to make an enemy of one. I fought back a nervous fear flooding through my chest. This would be the most important speech, not just of my political career, but of my life. “I have one chance to get this right.”

“The truth is on our side,” Sabé affirmed. “All you need to do is tell the truth.”

I dipped my chin in agreement, though I knew the theatrics of politics made it more complicated than that. My eyes dropped to the floor. After a moment, I closed my lids completely in order to concentrate. I hadn’t been in the Senate Rotunda since my time as an Apprentice Legislator. I pictured the unparalleled magnitude of the chamber. Its thousands of identical hoverpods. I would need to convince as many of their occupants as I could. “Esteemed representatives…” I lowered my voice into the Queen’s register. “Esteemed representatives of the Republic.”

I was fortunate the tone we’d chosen to hide our voices behind was pitched so low. It wasn’t unusual to the Naboo to elect fourteen-year-olds into sovereignty, but I was aware that many other planets— even with cultures populated by humans— did not share such a respect for their younger generations. Wardrobe, word-choice, timbre, posture, expression— I needed to broadcast the maturity of someone twice my age.

Wardrobe was complete, posture and expression were second-nature, and I was already successful at tapping back into the trademark voice. That just left the speech.

Back and forth, I paced across the blush-red carpet in my slowed, weighted walk. Three pairs of piercing eyes watched me work through the very best selections of Basic. I did not feel the gaze of doting handmaidens, but of frightened daughters. Sisters. Nieces. Each of them, just like me, had families and friends left to unknown fates. Each of them was as invested as me in the outcome of this nightmare— but their loved ones’ lives were solely in my hands, not in theirs.

The weight of monarchy had never felt so heavy on my adolescent shoulders.

I bit down on my lip without thinking and tasted the white pigment. Doing so made me realize how much Sabé must’ve thought about her aunt these past days.

{The Senate is full of greedy, squabbling delegates.}

“Esteemed repre… Honorable representatives of the Republic. Distinguished delegates.”

{There is no interest in the common good.}

Every sentence would be an opportunity for a catastrophic stumble.

“Chancellor Valorum— Your Honor, Supreme Chancellor Valorum. I have come to… I come to you in a time of great peril for my people.”

{The Chancellor has little real power. He is mired by baseless accusations of corruption.}

“I come to you under the most perilous of circumstances.” I shook my head. “That’s not it.” My stomach twisted in the hand of anxiety’s grip.

Sabé’s voice came from somewhere behind me. “What about, ‘under the gravest of circumstances?’”

But my attention had been caught by Rabé. She was speaking into a comm. “Let him in.”

As she left our room and moved towards the circular atrium, I felt a rush of irritation. There wouldn’t be a need for a security-comm check if Senator Palpatine had arrived. Until I felt comfortable with my heartfelt-but-not-hysterical, emphatic-but-not-weak plea, I didn’t want any visitors. I made eye contact with the others. “If it isn’t Captain Panaka, an escort arriving to take me to the Senate, or the Viceroy himself coming to announce his retreat, I do not wish to be disturbed.”

Eirtaé suddenly looked hopeful. “What if it is Chancellor Valorum?”

I appreciated her optimism but knew the odds of it being right were slim to none. I heard the entry door close. Soon after, I was sure I heard my name— my real name, the name my parents gave me— spoken. I made my voice loud. “Who is it?” My feet carried me the steps it took to pass the wall barrier and see the visitor for myself.

Rabé announced the answer just as a scrawny arm and a matted head of blond hair came into view. “Anakin Skywalker to see Padmé, Your Highness.”

Our eyes connected. I waited a half-second— just a half-second— to see. It was strange, that though the success of the decoy switch was a life-or-death matter, I wanted Ani to see through it. But the funny little boy who knew so much— who gave me his bed while he slept next to it on the sandy floor; who blushed when I embraced him after he victoriously risked his life to help us— regarded me without any sign of recognition at all.

Good, I reminded myself, papering over the unexpected disappointment. That’s a good thing.

He bowed like any nine-year-old without practice at it would. Ani wasn’t going to be a critical news-bearer or an escort. I wasn’t as annoyed to see him as I might’ve been by another interrupter, but I didn’t have time for this. My voice was curt. “I’ve sent Padmé on an errand.”

I inwardly— never outwardly— flinched at my blunder. Eirtaé and Sabé were behind me. Rabé stood next to Ani. Three handmaidens had come to the capital with the Queen of Naboo. Three handmaidens and a Queen stood within his sight. Luckily, Ani didn’t seem to count or care. It only mattered to him that the angel he sought wasn’t here.

There was something about the way he nervously twitched his hands that pulled at my heart. This child had snuggled into my arms in the ship’s booth just hours ago, looking up at me with trust while he cried for his mother. I’d sung him lullabies until he’d fallen asleep. Now, he was clearly intimidated by the imposing figure— the stranger— before him. “I’m on my way to the Jedi Temple to start my training, I hope.” He became crest-fallen. “I may never see her again, so I came to say goodbye.”

Never see each other again?

No, no, not now. Not like this.

He’d burst into my life so recently, and at such a desperate hour, but the concept of a final goodbye between us was surprising in its discomfort. And yet… was it? Anakin Skywalker had been the only person or reason why I’d smiled— even laughed— since the moment Federation starships arrived in Naboo’s orbit. He’d been my eye of calm in the center of an overwhelming storm. He’d become my friend. Now, I was supposed to look at him as if I barely knew him— as if this was the first conversation we’d ever had.

I’d never wanted to wretch away the Amidala mask so badly before.

See me, Ani. Give me a sign that you see who I am, or even that you suspect these words are coming from me.

“We will tell her for you. We are sure her heart goes with you.”

It was as much emotion as I dared to infuse in my voice.

He bowed respectfully. Again, there was no indication Ani wondered if he was talking to the person he’d claimed just days ago he was going to marry. If anything, I detected an emerging smirk at my headpiece, like he found it a tad much. Padmé would have agreed with him. “Thank you, Your Highness.”

I turned away, fearful that my mask would not hold much longer. Fearful he would finally recognize me, which I knew couldn’t be allowed. I kept my eyes on him until the last possible moment, dreading and hoping for the flash of awareness that never came.

And then he was gone.

After I heard the exterior doors slide shut, I stared down at the floor, as immobile as Palpatine’s polished statues. When I eventually looked up at the two handmaidens studying me, I saw surprise in their expressions. It didn’t matter. My eyes were already scanning the room for something precious.

“There was a gray, drawstring pouch. I put an amulet in it. Is it here, or was it left on my ship?”

Rabé walked back into the room and looked between the three of us. She’d heard my question, but she, too, shrugged along with the others. “I am not sure.”

“There are designs carved into it. It’s strung on a thick, brown cord.”

Eirtaé apologetically offered, “I didn’t see a gray pouch anywhere.”

I told him I didn’t need the Japor snippet to remember him by, but I couldn’t have lost it so quickly!

“It’s of great importance to me.”

Rabé looked perplexed. “Do you require it for your speech?”

The speech.

The hooded trio were scrutinizing me, clearly confused. They didn’t know if this amulet was a lucky token of some kind I wanted for a superstitious cause, or perhaps a literal bargaining chip important to a secret strategy known only to their Queen.

I opened my white and red mouth to explain, but no words came out, except, “No… I don’t need it for the Senate.”

Sabé accepted the situation for whatever it was. She nodded and declared, “We will find it after.”

Once again, I heard the endowed authority that was supposed to be in my voice instead present in hers. I clung to it. On a rational plane, I knew the level of wrongness I felt under my skin was absurd.

But somewhere very deep within— some ancient part of my young soul that spoke a language I was years away from understanding— grappled with the poisonous idea that I’d never see Anakin Skywalker again.

“Yes. Make sure it is not lost.”

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