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#i hope this was good enough ! [shaking and crying in social anxiety]
lil-vibes · 1 year
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i would die if you wrote anything expanding on that post about chuuya being taken over by baki and just floating all over the place and speaking with an echo until he gets to dazai at the ADA office - that was a great idea, very cool
yooo thanks man !!!
here you go, a little more brainworms regarding that au!
• when Baki wakes up in a back alleyway and tries to stand up they overdo it and snap Chuuya's spine in the process. they try to walk and all of a sudden they are on the ground with mild pains from the vessel' legs. they aren't sure how a human body works, so for now they decide to just float.
• Baki, in my hc, is very curious for just about everything because it's quite rare that they 'view' the world through a humans' eyes
• piggybacking off of that, i think that they'd have trouble expressing their thoughts in the beggining (speaking in short, sometimes conflicting/unfinished sentences) because using human vocal cords without snapping them is difficult and also words have changed since the last time they were actively using them. Ranpo just chucks a dictionary at them and they absolutely ABSORB every word
• i also think that they'd want to sword fight with both Fukuzawa and Golden Demon/ Kouyou for fun
• they can make Dazai float and he just about gives up on life ( something something 'your human existence can not deny mine' yeah me thinks)
• i personally think that theyd be slightly more chill than expected, however when they get upset, or emotions generally run high, the control over the body begings to wobble. some examples of that being:
- the overlapping voices are the most common ones. they are a mass manifested through war and suffering and vengeance, thus Baki has to be extremely careful of how loud they speak because there's a great chance that someone's eardrums will explode.
- corruption markings are a damn near permanent fixture on Chuuya's skin, more so to help remind everyone that this isn't Chuuya in control right now (Dazai is constantly stressed about it, and has to consistently tell himself that it's fine), but they tend to grow and glow and move around like they are alive too, as if also taking offence that Baki is agitated. they also burn if touched directly
- people around an Agitated Baki feel like they are about to poof out of existence simply by being too close. Mori nearly dies once because Baki can see his general soul and is not pleased. it kinda feels like your blood suddenly starts running the other way, or your like heart is beating backwards and double in speed. not fun !
- sometimes birds fly into the windows. maybe the sky tints red, maybe there is ringing in the ears, static in the brain of those around them. maybe looking at Chuuya's form hurts a little, burns a little, blurs around the edges. what were his features again? what color were his eyes? his hair?
• Baki loves Chuuya and learning all about him :] ( "and his name? what is his name? we would love to know who our vessel is."
"it's Chuuya Nakahara.."
the entity thinks, hums for a bit, vibrations making the lights swim around it, then pleased, it smiles "hmm Chuuya... it suits him a lot" )
• disregarding stormbringer for a moment, when asked how exactly one traps a being like it, Baki kindly informs them that there are runes carved into every bone inside Chuuya. yes, they do mean every single one.
• also, and that's a little.... gruesome, but it's a misconception that Baki and Chuuya share only a consciousness. "it's like that most of the time, but right now what you are looking at is ... ah, let's say, our clothes. we are woven in-between his skin and bones and every blood vessel, but also we are separate. it's like a hand pupet? we are under his skin :)"
• Baki absolutely says unhinged things like its normal
• they also find it funny to tease Ranpo because they recognise just how smart of a human he is but also he's just that to them. a human
• i also have this scene when someone complains about the sun or something so Baki just,,, shifts either the Earth or the Sun a bit so that it's not shining directly at the person. everyone FREAKS abt this btw
• Baki also loves the Akutagawas and Kouyou bc Chuuya loves them :]
some skk things bc i love them:
• Baki tells Dazai, hand pressed against his heart, looking him dead in the eyes with that slightly unhinged expression "no wonder you hold onto warm things, for you have been warm once, then never again. no wonder you seek to be warm again" and Dazai just has to go through his day after that
• okay last thing off of the top of my head, but somehow they (the ada) get into the topic of worship and Baki casually drops that yes! they get prayers sometimes but nothing even begins to compare to the feeling of the worship from their most devoted person. naturally everyone wants to know who that is, and Baki tilts their head a little and then points to a Very Confused Dazai (Ranpo and Kunikida are exhanging money in the backround btw).
("but... i don't worship the hat rack?? what?"
"oh, but that can't be" they sway a little from their perch on Dazai's desk, appearing as if deep in thought. after the day, Dazai knows better. "but we can distinctly recal feeling a sort of warmth from you. say, how do you define worship? because it can be food offerings too. or thoughts about us or even just the pure, unrelenting faith that as long as you believe in us, your wish will be made into existence"
Dazai blinks at them, stunned.
"so now, has your answer changed?" )
• LAST one. Ranpo asks them if Dazai has ever nullified corruption with a kiss and Baki is like we think so? but Dazai denies that hard. Baki counters by saying that every place where 'coruption' has been nullified burns to this day. twice on left the wrist, once at the forearm. once at the right hand, once at the cheek, and once ot the lips. Dazai may or may not work harder to resolve the issue after that (he's never gonna beat the gay accusations)
(end of skk things hh)
• when it's time to surrender themselves back to Chuuyas will, Baki tells the ada + the Akutagawas and Kouyou, that when their time finally comes, when Chuuya is either one of them or dust in the wind, they will remember the kindness they have experienced. that they will live forever in the mind of a god
• Chuuya is so, so confused after waking up
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3archangelsaints · 8 days
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you said you were bored so i hope this idea gets rid of that
there are not enough childhood best friend!simon fic’s out there and i’ve been desperate lately. i don’t have much of an idea so write whatever comes to mind if you choose this req.
:)
Childhood bestfriends who met just before you went to secondary school, you went to an all girls school and he went to an all boys and yet you were always together, everyday after school, you'd be out late, avoiding your horrible home lives. He'd stay out late with you, when you'd had an argument that left you shaking and crying from anxiety and adrenaline. You never skipped school, your mum was strict about that and you'd preferred to not cause problems, Simon always said that to you, "Don't cause problems for yourself, yeah?" He holds you to him, kissing your temple. "You too, Si." You hug him, giggling as he lifts you up.
---
"Sit down." He huffs, pulling you onto the grass as the two of you study outside for GSCE mocks. Books and folders sprawled on the grass, and you stand up and start explaining the Weimar government to him for your GSCE history. He listens intently, he took the same GSCE's as you, except art, he wasn't good at that, he told you. He would stay up with you when you'd finish last minute art projects and when it came to portraits, you'd photograph Simon. He only allowed you to do it his eyes, the rest of his face covered by his hand. You loved studying, mainly because you were allowed to visit Simon's house, his dad begrudgingly allowing it. He didn't hit Simon when you were there. Simon didn't care though, his hands were always scabbed with broken skin from fighting with his dad, as he was about the same height as him, despite only being 16. You'd often fall asleep against Simon, his natural musk lulling you to sleep. You waited to open your results together. You ran to him when you saw him, jumping onto him, squealing with joy. He lifted you in air with ease. "Simon!" You squeal again. He puts you down, pressing his lips to your forehead. "Have you opened your results?" You shake your head, he can tell you're nervous, he takes it from you. "May I?" You nod. He opens it. Eyes scanning it. "So?" "So you're fuckin amazing and are so smart." He shows your results. You jump up with glee. He throws you in the air, before pretending to drop you just to hear you scream. "So fuckin' proud of you." "What'd you get?" You take it from him, he passed his core, everything he passed with average grades. Neither here nor there. "What're you gonna do?" "Butcher's apprentice." He says gruffly. You smile, nodding and hugging him. "You mean my butcher's apprentice." You tease. He nods, kissing your temple again. ---
He comes with you to see what 6th form you're going to, he drops you off the first day and does his best to be there for you whenever. He holds your hand and pressing kisses to your face as your freak out, chucking clothes from your wardrobe. "Simon!" You all but cry, trembling. "I don't know what to wear." You huff, he knows how you get social anxiety and he huffs before grabbing a black shirt you stole from him, and a pair of ripped loose jeans. "Here." He hands it to you, he grabs your brush whilst you get changed and brushes your hair gently, expertly starting from the ends. He grabs a scrunchie and ties your hair into a loose bun. ---
When you get your A-level results and find out that you got into your uni, you're ecstatic except you have to move cities and its so far from Simon. He cups your cheek and kisses you, "I'm joining the military." Your heart breaks, you didn't expect him to move with you, but not join the military. "You could die." Your voice trembles. ---
The goodbye is hard, you're babbling and crying as you see him leave for bootcamp, but when he visits you after, clearly bulkier, your heart aches for him. Once again you're in his embrace. His heartbeat against your ear. But just like that, he's gone again. And you move on, focus on yourself, you get your degree, then go for a master's in the states, before returning for your PhD in the UK. When you're leaving after a long day at university, walking to your car, you freak out when you see a bulky massive figure leaning against the hood. He calls out your name, in a deep voice. "Simon?" You ask, dropping to your knees. "I'm here Lovie." You sob. He gingerly picks you up, and just like that your Simon is in your arms again. Breathing. Alive. Living. "Don't leave me again." He nods. Kissing your cheek.
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luimagines · 4 days
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Four Loving Hours
Another comission!
They asked for Four going out with Reader and maybe getting a shy first kiss in. I tried my best to oblige. <3
Masterlist
Content under the cut!
Four took in a deep breath and tried to straighten his hair out once more. He was nervous but excited.
You had finally agreed to spend some time with him. He really wanted it to be a date but he wasn’t about to push his luck when it took him more than the usual amount of courage he could muster just to ask to get you alone.
He also pulled down and straightened his tunic and tried to be as presentable as possible.
He left his house with high hopes and a picnic basket.
Walking through Castle Town only serves to heighten his anxiety. What if he messes up? What if he makes a fool out of himself? What if he ruins any chance he might have had with you? What if he makes himself look like such an idiot that you laugh at him and then the whole town knows just how much of a loser he is?
Four finds himself at your front door.
His thoughts make him think that this is a dumb idea. It halts his hand right as he’s about to knock on the door. He should leave. He should just call it off. He can send a message later saying that he didn’t feel good and if you both can reschedule.
The doors opens
“Oh!” It’s your mother. She smiles brightly before he can say anything, and calls back into the house. “Honey! Link is here!”
“Thanks mom!” You call back from the beyond.
Four gulps quietly and smiles back at your mother, wanting to make a good impression despite the fact his name is a household name at this point. “I hope you don’t mind me stealing her for a little bit. I’ll have her back before sun down.”
Your mother’s smile seems to widen and she steps back. “It might be a while before they come out. Do you want to come inside?”
“No! No! I’m ready, I’m here!” You cry out before he can respond. You kiss your mother on the cheek before ushering her back inside. “We’ll be safe and make good choices and come back before you know it. Ok, goodbye!”
Your mother laughs but closes the door behind her.
Four feels a little dumbfounded. He had prepared to answer her but he wasn’t prepared for the way you sent yourself flying out of the house just to see him. He didn’t think you’d be this excited about a small picnic by the lake.
Unable to process the very abrupt cut to the social interaction he was having, he glances over your apparel while you straighten yourself out as well. You’ve put more conscious effort than usual into your hair, and he doesn’t think he’s seen that shirt before. Is that new?
There’s a slight floral scent in the air now. Did you put on new perfume too?
Four feels himself blush a bit. At least he wasn’t the only one who wanted to look nice for this. “I like this.” He gestures to you. “I could get used to more of this.”
You cough and get a delightful shade of pink dusted over your features. You even bless his ears with a small giggle, albeit a confused one. “You just gestured to all of me.”
“Yes.”
You gulp, brightening into a scarlet red over your features.
Four feels like a total dork as he holds out his free arm. “Ready?”
You bite your lip deliciously and slip your arm in his. “Yes. I’m ready.”
Four grins and begins to lead the way to the lake, ignoring all the stares that come his way. He hopes that you’re not too bothered by it. He didn’t stop to think about the gossip that will no doubt sprout from this.
“I hope you’re hungry.” He says in the lull of silence, wanting to distract from the fact that the people are no doubt watching. Four wiggles the basket in his arm to bring your attention to it. “I think I packed enough food to feed a small army. So feel free to eat as much as you want.”
You snort and shake your head. “You always do this. I promise you, I get fed enough at home as it is.”
Four bites his lip and tilts his head away from you, trying (and failing) to play innocent. “Let me do this. I don’t cook enough as it is.”
“Oh, so I’m your guinea pig?” You tease. He finds it in himself to relax as he answers you. “Of course! Dad won’t let me in the kitchen otherwise. Something about how blacksmiths only work with one type of stove and are a risk to burning down the house.”
You laugh a little more. “I’ve always liked your dad. But isn’t your grandpa a blacksmith as well?”
“Guess who’s not allowed in the kitchen either.”
You laugh louder, more carefree and Four forgets his anxieties just for a little bit. He smiles with you, taking in your radiance and brilliance. Beautiful. You’re beautiful. There’s no other word for it. Four can feel his breath get stuck in his throat, feeling content to simply watch you.
Before he realizes it, you’ve both reached the lake in the nick of time. He’s quick to set up the blanket and  get the food ready while you’re busy admiring the scenery as the light becomes more moody. “I don’t think I’ve ever been here at this time of day. It’s beautiful.”
Four pauses and looks back towards you, no doubt with a love stricken look on his face. “I’ll try to bring you out more often then. The world is beautiful no matter where we find ourselves… We just have to look at it.”
You hum and look back down at him, sitting down without much thought to your movement.
You kiss cheek and he stills.
Four can feel you grow a bit nervous from his reaction, or lack of one if he had to be more honest with himself. His heart begins to shoot in a rapid fire in his chest and he forces himself to look up.
You seem to regret your actions fairly quickly. That just won’t do. “Sorry! That was a little uncalled for, wasn’t it? I didn’t mean- I’m sorry. I should have at least asked.”
“You missed.” Four blurts. 
“What?”
What, indeed! What on earth possessed him to say that?
Four meets your gaze head on, willing the blush off of his face so he can keep it straight. “I said you missed.”
You seem to fluster even more and lean closer, even as you struggle to meet his eyes. “Did I?”
Four leans closer as well, not entirely sure where he plans for this to go. “I’m sure you did.”
You gulp a little, mirroring him subconsciously. “And where was I supposed to kiss you then?”
Four bites his lip once more and he notices that your eyes dart to the small movement. His confidence begins to grow more by the second. “I can show you.”
You lean even more and he can feel the way your nose brushes against his. “Show me?”
“Will you let me?” His voice drops to a whisper.
“Always.”
Four closes the distance. He’s not sure what to do, but he’s quickly aware that you don’t either. He doesn’t try to think much about it and simply lets his emotions and desires guide him, hoping that it’s at least a nice experience for you.
Your lips are soft against his and it makes him smile. A hand comes up to cup your cheek while the other rests at the back of your neck, pulling you deliciously closer.
The food has all been forgotten at this point.
Four can feel your hand come up and snake their way into his hair as well. He can feel the slight tug and follows the direction you give him to deepen the kiss as it is.
He has to pull back a little to take a breath. While he was aware that a kiss could be breathtaking, he didn’t think he would literally forget to breathe during said kiss.
“Link.” You’re just as breathless and Four finds himself tucking away the way your voice sounds for a future experiment. But for now- “Much better.”
He kisses you again because he still can, and pulls back to reach over for some of the food he brought. He refuses for it to go to waste. “Here. Try this. It’s your favorite cake. Or at least an attempt at your favorite cake.”
Your breath catches and he hears your voice squeak, but doesn’t comment on it. “You mAde all of this?!”
“Of course.” Four sends you his most charming smile, handing you the plate of cake anyway. “I gave it my best shot but don’t be afraid to tell me if you hate it.”
“...Link, I don’t think I can eat all of this.”
“Well, we’ll just have to do this again.”
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luveternals · 6 months
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paring: Konig x rebel reader. rating: mature, MDNI cw: dystopia AU, enemies to lovers, angst, (not a story, just a sneak peak of the 1st version, sorry. link to thd completed story!) a/n: I haven't forgotten to post nor did I just decided to drop writing or whatever. This story just turned out to be more complicated than originally planned. Lie, I haven't planned bananas. I literally had no idea what to write until 3h ago and I was already 5h past the time I wanted to post the third story lol hate to do this but I'll have to push it back to my next scheduled day. ~ sneak peek of the 1st version ~ full story in 2 days ~
It’s difficult to stay true when the goal you’re trying to reach is not your own. Well, you do support the idea, somewhat, you wouldn’t be here otherwise. Wouldn't be taking cover behind a broken wall, breath forcefully kept slow and stead, and hoping the shadows would be enough to cover your tracks. Wouldn’t be risking your life for a mission that is destined to fail.
It’s an trap and, somehow, you feel your leaders knew it and still sent you out.
One of your brothers lays dead at your feet, his blood stains your feet and will lead the enemy to you the moment they find the footprints.
There’s a soft sniffle and you spin around to slap your hand against one of your sisters’ mouth. She stares at you and you stare back, your hand leaves a red imprint on her face and you see her twitch with the desperate need to wipe it off.
It was a set up. You’re all going to die. But your mission isn’t over yet.
She’s crying.
Go. You tell he with a motion of your free hand. She shakes her head eyes wide with panic, but you're already pushing her back. Go and live.
You don’t check if she does, body turning and slipping around the corner before you could even register any further protests.
The sound of fighting seems to be coming from all directions. Your family is fighting with all it has while you give your last attempt to make this total failure some kind of meaning.
You’re almost at the end of the alley when you stumble to a stop. A man stands there, body covered in gear and rifle steady in his hands as he points it in your direction.
He doesn’t say a thing but doesn’t move either. Don’t move or i’ll shoot, his posture says.
Your own gun is raised, solid and loaded and aimed at his head. “Get out of my way,” you says, throat dry and voice a breathless demand.
But he’s a solid obstacle. One taller than most and built to fight until his heart is forced to stop beating. He simply blinks and your grip tightens around the weapon.
“I will shoot you,” you say, but there is no real threat behind the words.
And he knows.
He lowers his gun at the words and, with movements smooth and so damn steady, pulls his head gear off.
His face is still hidden away whatever cloth he’s using doesn’t give much away about what one would find underneath it.
But the design has come so familiar to you during this fucked up war that your grip falters.
“I’m not letting you do it,” he says, and his voice and accent at the last hit your heart can take.
You arms go slack, and your head drops forward. Rain had started trickling at some point, the grim and filt of your boots and clothes polling at your feet. “Do you know how much i’ve lost for this?”
He doesn’t say anything but the silent words he must be thinking make your fists bench into fists.
“Your killing my brothers!”
“And you're killing mine,” his words take you by surprised, you didn’t expect him to say anything at all. Not about this.
What you did expect was him to hide away behind his social anxiety. Behind the excuse he doesn’t know how to act around others, that he doesn't know how to express his feelings properly.
Instead, he braves on — the only time finally does — and associates to the enemy.
~ ~ ~ a/n: I'm a bit of a perfectionist and this is actually killing me. But it's the middle of the night and I'm kinda sick. Whatever mistake I made is my own and will be gone soon. have a good night. enjoy your day. please forgive the delay ;^; it's only the third day damn
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taekookielove0130 · 1 year
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Slowly, Unintentionally.
Tumblr media
Part 1
Pairing: Idol!Min Yoongi x Nerd!Reader
Summary:
          Y/N and Yoongi are two individuals in completely different worlds who collide due to an arranged marriage. What happens when there’s somebody else living with them too?
________________________________________________________
To anyone who cares,
I've been working on this story for some time. It was intended to be a one-shot but it turned out to be quite long. Somewhere along the way I lost motivation and started thinking this wasn't going to be good. So I posted the first part hoping to find motivation again.
And if you haven't noticed yet, I'm taking requests for any fanfiction {long-length, short-length One-shots, POVs}.
And to all the loyal readers I've got, Thanks a lott for reading. I absolutely love you guys. Could you please tell me what you think about it too?
You can also 'ask me anything" or "submit a post" on my blog! Happy reading!
________________________________________________________
It wasn't a conventional type of marriage that you had. You and Yoongi weren't even supposed to marry. He was a celebrity, an idol. While you were the oblivious nerd at school.
You never cared for the crowd or the music. All you knew was that good knowledge would take you anywhere. You were told from a very young age that education was your only constant in life and that you should work hard.
Work hard, you did. You spent days researching and nights revising. You topped your school and entered a university of your choice. Getting a degree was a piece of cake for you, and you topped your university too. Passing with flying colors, you had no difficulty finding a job.
When all others were out partying, you were busy working for your future. And it wasn't that easy being a nerd either. People teased you all the time. Told you that you weren't enough. Pointed out endless times that you were ugly and that no guy would ever like you.
You had no friends and barely left your house unless you had to go to the library or the nearest convenience store. And every night when you cried yourself to sleep, the only thing that ever brought you comfort was the hope that you will someday find someone who will look at you the way your dad does at your mom. With stars in his eyes and love in his gaze.
Your parents are the loving type. They had a love marriage. Being high-school sweethearts, theirs was a love story you would never tire of hearing. Every time you went to your grandma's, you were always asking her to retell the story.
They not only loved each other but also loved you immensely. Being the only daughter, you were their whole world. But sometimes, you thought it would have been better if you were an orphan. Every time you looked at your parents' faces you thought they deserved a better daughter. Those times, you couldn't keep the tears at bay. You would close yourself up in the restroom and cry your heart out.
Oh, you also had social anxiety. The moment you step out into a public space, your head starts spinning. You feel dizziness as your body starts sweating and your hands start shaking. You feel like everyone's eyes are on you, and the walls are caving in.
So, the day you were told that your marriage was arranged to an idol, you weren't sad. You were devastated. When you asked your dad, he explained to you that Yoongi's uncle was a dear friend of his and that he was worried about his sister's son. He was arranging a quick engagement ceremony this weekend, and the week after that, you were getting married to a man you barely knew.
You ran to your ma and cried your heart out in her lap while she lovingly caressed your face and whispered sweet nothings in your ear until you calmed down.
When you met her eyes, she gave you a gentle smile and said,
"Don't worry too much, Y/N. You don't know much about Yoongi. You might want to get to know him better, and since your marriage is just 2 weeks away, you'll have to do that after the marriage.
I know that this is a lot to take in, but I promise that once you settle in, it's going to be a lot easier. Besides, Yoongi isn't too bad. You can expect love in this marriage, but I must warn you not to raise your expectations too high..."
And so, the only two times you saw your husband before marriage was once when he came to meet your dad and you were going to work. The other time was at your engagement party when you were supposed to stand with him the whole night, and honestly, he treated you well.
He behaved like a gentleman. But what worried you was the lack of conversation between you and your soon-to-be husband. He barely spoke a word to you except for the occasional compulsory questions due to the company you had.
The chemistry between you two was not too difficult to notice. The tension was palpable, and the heat was discernible in his eyes. But you spoke no words.
You got married, and it was like no dream you ever had. It was a private ceremony with just your family and close friends, considering your health issue.
It was comforting when your dad held your hand tight. Before you even knew it, you had reached the end of the aisle where Yoongi stood, facing you. He donned one of the many extravagant black suit he possessed and looked like a model.
Not to get you wrong, you did know he had good looks but man... was he damn hot!
Clearing your mind of the thought, You turned to face your dad as he said,
"Y/N, these 24 years passed in the blink of an eye. It feels like your mother showed me her test  and excitedly gushed about having a baby and today..." he paused, clearing his throat. He then lifted his hand and surprised you by wiping the tears streaming down your face.
Jeez! I didn't even notice I was crying. Thanks dad.
"Today, my baby is getting married. I know I asked too much of you by this marriage, but trust me. You couldn't have found a better match. Just... Have patience and remember, Everything heals with time..." you nodded and he took a deep breath, caressed your head and leaned down to softly peck your forehead. Inhaling softly, you turned to look at your soon-to-be-husband. Your father walked closer to him and said, 
"Take good care of her, my man."
Yoongi muttered a soft "I will."
and bowed his head slightly. Shaking, you placed your hand in his, and he surprised you by holding your hand tight. He turned to face the wedding officiator and you followed him. The officiator was a stout-looking man who wore half-rimmed spectacles and a gentle smile on his face. He eyed the crowed and stated,
"We are gathered today to celebrate the union of Lee Y/N and Min Yoongi. We are all here to support this commitment of love and to share the joy of Y/N and Yoongi as they choose to spend their lives together. On their behalf, I thank you all for your presence here today. Before we start the ceremony, is there any soul present here that objects this union?"
He looked around and after a few seconds, turned to look at you and Yoongi.
 "Do you, Min Yoongi, take Lee Y/N to be your wife? Will you love her, comfort and keep her and, forsaking all others remain true to her as long as you both shall live?"
Yoongi turned slightly and looked at you right in the eyes as he boldly said, "I do." 
"And Do you, Lee Y/N , take Min Yoongi to be your husband? Will you love him, comfort and keep him and, forsaking all others remain true to him as long as you both shall live? "
You felt Yoongi squeeze your hands and you looked up, catching a glimpse of emotion before his dark orbs before he masked it again. You gave him a soft smile and said, 
"I do. "
You exchanged your rings and with both your hands gently clasped by his you both said in harmony, "With this ring, I thee wed, and all my worldly goods I thee endow. In sickness and in health, in poverty or in wealth, till death do us part."
"Then, I now pronounce you man and wife."
It was a wish of yours to have a spring wedding and it did come true that day but little did you know that all your other dreams of a marriage of love were about to be shattered the very night
.________________________
You left the place with your husband, but he excused himself. When you asked him why, he replied with an emotionless expression that you had never seen on his face before that he had an urgent meeting to go to.
Frowning, you tried not to dwell on what could be so important that he had to leave on his wedding night when the driver announced your arrival. Stepping down from the car, you tugged your long dress down and thanked the driver before he took his leave. Your things had already been moved to his apartment, which was now yours.
Traditionally, you were supposed to be carried inside the house in your husband's arms.
Shrugging your shoulders, you told yourself, "Well, this is the reality now. You have to accept it, Y/N."
You entered the house and sighed to yourself, deciding that it was time to change your clothes. A warm shower and a clean, comfy change of clothes later, you decided to sleep for a while. You were awoken by the ringing of the doorbell.
"Coming."
You shouted and ran to the entrance to open the door. You were met with the cold, empty expression on your husband's face, and a strong breeze of air that told you he had been drinking.
"Have you been drinking?" You asked.
Ignoring you, he stepped inside and made his way to your bedroom. Feeling low about the way he was treating you already, you followed him. You saw him tug at his tie before moving to the walk-in closet. 
________________________
Yoongi's POV
I left the ceremony as soon as possible to escape the suffocating feeling the place was giving me. I reached the hotel and went straight to the room that was my company for countless nights by now. Ordering a drink became two and didn't stop until I couldn't feel the pain anymore.
Her absence became a dull void instead of the gaping wound it had been throughout the day. Without conscious thought, I fell asleep, and when I woke up, I was no longer tipsy, and it was midnight. I could think now and I remembered I had a wife waiting for me at our house.
Deciding to go home, I checked out and called my driver. Reaching home, I rang the doorbell twice and was greeted by her in a soft grey hoodie. Y/N's angelic voice reached my ears, and I was once again reminded of her. Doing my best to ignore her, I headed straight to my room and opened the closet to get a fresh change of clothes before heading to the shower.
The sight of her clothes arranged together with mine enraged me. It reopened the wound in my heart, and I could feel the dull ache grow and develop into a pounding pain.
Turning, I located her sitting on our bed and met her hazel-brown eyes. Looking back, I knew that I would regret what I do now but decided to do it anyway.
Collecting her clothes and snatching the hangers from my wardrobe, I walked across the room to place them in her hands and said, "The guest bedroom is across the hallway. You may ask the maid to show you to it. "
I was about to move away when I felt a small fist wrap around mine. Turning back, I saw her standing and looking up. I could see her eyes glossed up as she asked, "Why are you avoiding me? Did I do something wrong?"
Frowning, I stared into her eyes, trying to figure out why she thought so. Unable to understand the emotion in her eyes except for the guilt, I sighed.
"No, you didn't. But I'm not up for conversation right now, so just leave me be, we can talk tomorrow."
I felt her remove her grip, but she softly asked again, "Were you drinking and driving?"
Looking at her soft features highlighted by the moonlight streaming into the room, and seeing her eyes so concerned for me, I could feel the walls I had built around myself all these years start to break down.
"Why do you care so much?" I asked softly, and she simply said, "Because you're my husband now."
Her reply reopened the deep wound as I was once again harshly reminded of the fact that this is Y/N and not Her. I realized nobody would ever care so much about me except when they wanted something in return.
Frustrated, I pulled Y/N in by holding her wrist and caged her in between my arms and the wall. Looking into her eyes, I was met with confusion and slight fear as I told her, "Then don't. Please don't care for me just because you have to..." 
________________________
Y/N's POV:
I am shocked by his answer, and before I can even think to come up with a coherent answer, he leveled his head with mine and said, "You have come into my life now. But that's it."
I am frozen in my spot as I can feel him move his mouth to my ears as he whispered,
"If you can't get into my bed, you sure as hell can never get into my heart."
I stay in place as he pulls away, smirks at me, and then goes into the bathroom. I somehow come out of my shaken state and leave the room with tears streaming down my face. I could feel the maids staring at me, but I couldn't find it in me to care.
To be continued..
.________________
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You are enough.
Request: hey, I was wondering whether you could do something along the lines of mental health? I’ve been struggling recently and your stories brought me out of the darkness in some way or another so if possible? Thank you!
A/N: hey anonymous, thank you so much for the request. I understand how difficult mental health is. I’m so glad my stories have been able to do that. I’m sending you all the love and I hope this is okay. Remember you’re not alone. My DM’s are always open. Much love, Amber x
TRIGGER WARNINGS: mentions of self harm, suicidal thoughts, pretty dark topics, panic attack, self hate, depression&anxiety- please read at your own discretion.
Mental health was a beast no one could tame. Depression, anxiety and so many more… it was almost torturous. As if the demons within your head created a pact together and decided it would be fun to torment you. It was never ending and to be quite frank it was exhausting. You sometimes felt as if no one understood you. It was so tiring. It felt as if the soothing words that were repeated over and over again became less soothing every time. As if the demons within you were becoming more tolerant to the words, to the comfort, as if they were slowly beginning to drown you. Harry, your boyfriend of 3 years even paid for you to get therapy… out of his own love and own money which you felt terrible for but he assured you it was for the best. The therapy was going well for a while but then it started becoming repetitive… you struggled talking and when you couldn’t talk and felt the pain wrap it’s cold loathsome hands around your throat constricting your breathing you simply couldn’t and wouldn’t talk.
That day was going awfully- first you encountered an ex friend whom you were not on good terms with, next you were caught in a flood of rain absolutely drenched and the cherry on the top was the fact when you walked inside your apartment it was empty. Cold. Sad. No one to wrap their arms around you. No Harry. No nobody. Just you and your confused uncontrollable emotions. You felt like such a waste of a human being.. no… you were a waste of a human being. You were meant to go to your weekly therapy session but you were exhausted, harry was out recording songs for his new album and you were just here wasting your life away. It felt as if everyone was accomplishing something… all except you. You dropped your bag onto the floor slowly moving towards your bedroom, the door hitting against the wall as you sniffled. You tried desperately to not cry. To not be weak but you couldn’t control the anger and resentment you felt… and not because of anyone… no… simply because of yourself. You hated yourself and didn’t know how to control the feelings flooding your blood stream. Your body sank into the bed, wet clothes still clinging to your skin as you curled up in a ball closing your eyes tightly as soft sobs began leaving your lips until the crying turned into little whimpers those whimpers turning silent too as you managed to somehow cry yourself to sleep. Everything was going so well… so damn well… and you just had to go ahead and ruin it. Harry would tell you it wasn’t your fault and you were being too harsh on yourself but he wasn’t there to soothe you… you couldn’t bear to even think good things about yourself. You were broken.
Harry had spent most of his day recording, he wanted to release new good songs and he knew the fans craved new songs. The recording went really well everything was coming together and he was quite proud of it however he had a horrible gut feeling that he simply could not shake. He knew what you went through and you were always his top priority no matter what, of course concerts mattered and performing for his fans was also his priority but you would always come first. If you needed him he would be right there to support you. He knew you quite well he knew how the simplicity of a hateful comment on social media could send you spiralling and so that’s why he made sure you got rid of social media, he didn’t want to be possessive or controlling but he didn’t want to see you go through the brainwashing factor of all the hateful comments, the comments that stripped you of your self love… you hated yourself and Harry had to do a whole lot to make you love yourself again and he wasn’t gonna let some child mess up your mental health. Most of the comments came from jealous 11 year olds who had no clue what the hell they were doing, it was harmful. Harry remembered the time when hate comments got the best of him too… but he built a tough skin, a wall around himself that protected him from any hate.. he knew how to cope with it but you… you just needed a tad bit more of TLC and he was more than willing to be that person to remind you that you are enough.
“Babe I’m home!” He called his voice echoing off the walls as he quietly shut the front door his ring adorned fingers lightly twisting the lock on the door to make sure they wouldn’t get any visitors. Stalkers most definitely weren’t a shock to Harry. “Baby?” He called once again his concern growing more as he slowly walked into your room his frame pausing as he saw you, your frail body laying weakly on the bed. He let out a soft sigh just glad you were okay before he took slow steps towards where you lay. He slowly sat down beside you on the edge of the bed his hand gently resting upon your shoulder his hand rubbing up and down your back slowly and gently his fingertips slowly drawing patterns “y/n?” He whispered out as he slowly laid down beside you his arm wrapping around your waist as he pulled you close, and once he saw the way your eyelids fluttered every so slightly he let out a sigh as he gently caressed his hand over your face brushing some hair off of your forehead so he could look clearly into your tired puffy eyes, he knew you should be at your therapy session now but he didn’t bring that up… he knew not to. He knew you were having a mental crisis but that was okay. “What happened?” He asked simply and quietly “I-it doesn’t matter…” your voice was tired and weak his expression turning more stern as he gave you a disapproving but soft look “don’t say that. Of course it matters.” He murmured softly his lips gently pressing against your forehead as he pulled you closer to his body. “You matter, y/n… I don’t want you hiding your emotions from me. You matter, so therefore your feelings matter. C’mon. Talk.” He urged gently he knew when you got like this it took a while to coax it out of you but he had become petty expert at understanding you and understanding what helped knock you out of it. “I don’t wanna.” You whispered into his ear and he nodded, his fingertips gently soothing against your skin “okay. We don’t have to. But I’m gonna stay with you until you want to talk alright?” He said and for the first time you nodded slightly proving you wanted that and that you didn’t want to be alone.
His grip on you loosened ever so slightly as he sat up again scooting backwards so he was propped up on a couple of pillows his back resting against the headboard “c’mon sweetheart, cuddle time.” He murmured giving you a small smile his arms opening wide for you a soft little breath leaving your lips as you lugged your tired body up clambering on top of him, legs straddling either side of him before you leaned into his chest, his arms wrapping around your shoulders tightly and securely making sure you felt safe and sound as you practically melted into his embrace, eyes fluttering shut. “Want to watch a movie? Series? Marvel? Harry Potter? Stranger things? Back to the future?” He named all things you had both watched together at some point. You shook your head remaining nonverbal but he didn’t mind, he knew you needed him and he was going to be right there for you. Your head which rested upon his chest listened to the way his heart thumped rhythmically against his chest, so calmly, so warmly…. So peacefully. “Cartoons” the word soon left your lips as he gazed down at you a small smile tugging at his beautiful lips “alright.” He said simply, not judging one bit, cartoons were comforting in some aspects especially when you were going through a tough time. He put on your favourite cartoon before dropping the remote back down next to him his arm wrapping around you once again as he let out a soft sigh “I’ve got you… I’m right here… never leaving you.” He spoke softly as he pressed a little kiss to the top of your head.
The cartoon soon became a slight murmur in the background as tears blurred your vision a little sniffle coming from you “I’m sorry, H” you whispered meekly, he didn’t respond- simply wanting you to get whatever was on your mind out. “I-I…” you swallowed harshly unable to say it worried he’d be embarrassed of you, worried he would be disappointed. He knew the sound of your voice all too well, the way your eyes were full of worry “you hurt yourself didn’t you?” He asked and the tears that cascaded down your cheeks were enough of an answer for him a soft sigh leaving his lips as he held you tighter more protectively “oh darling… it’s okay..” he whispered quietly your breathing becoming heavier your heart racing so much so it was starting to hurt “I-I’m so sorry harry… I don’t know why I did it it was stupid… I- i was clean for so many days and now I go ruin it like a fucking idiot! I’m so stupid!” Your voice raised more with anger “hey hey hey… look at me.” Harry demanded his hand gently caressing against your chin as he made you look at him “don’t. Don’t. You’re not stupid. Everyone has little bumps in the road… you’re allowed to stumble and fall every now and then. We all are. I’m not angry at you. I’m not disappointed. I’m not upset with you. Breathe. In for four… hold for four… out for four.” He soothed slowly and gently your breathing soon calming down again as he looked into your eyes a soft assuring smile resting upon his lips “I’m sorry… so sorry.” You said quietly and he shook his head “you’ve got no reason to be sorry…” he assured gently “but-“ he shook his head silencing you by pressing a kiss to your lips “but nothing y/n.”
His words were assuring but calming as he smiled softly at you, he was sad you had hurt yourself but he wasn’t angry. No. Not in the slightest. “Can you show me?” He asked softly but once you shook your head he knew not to push your boundaries “okay sweetheart… you don’t have to… did you cover them though? Not bleeding anymore?” And as you shook your head he let out a soft sigh “y/n, I know things are hard right now, but I need you to be vocal with me.” He urged gently and as you looked into his eyes you remembered just how much you could trust him. “Didn’t use a knife or razor” you whispered quietly “lighter” you said, a soft sad look forming on his face as he nodded “okay.” He pressed a gentle kiss to your cheek “thank you for telling me… I’m proud of you.” He murmured softly. You leaned back into him your lips resting beside his ear “I don’t know why I did it… I just felt empty… sad… it seemed as if the whole world was against me today… just felt hopeless.” You whispered to him and he listened giving you his undivided attention “that’s valid. You’re allowed to feel like that. Your feelings are valid.” He comforted his hand gently sliding up the back of your T-shirt as he allowed his warm hand to caress against your skin “I love you y/n.” He said softly and gently. “Love you too Harry.” You whispered and a small smile tugged at his lips. You deserved the world and he knew that… one day he hoped he would be able to help you see yourself through his eyes.
“Tell me, would you treat somebody the way you treat yourself?” He soon asked and you looked into his eyes a small frown forming on your face “of course not.” You said and he nodded “then why do you treat yourself the way you wouldn’t treat others? Do you not believe you deserve the same amount of love others deserve because that’s not true… maybe take some of the love you have for me and give it to yourself. You need to start loving yourself… seeing yourself the way I see you.” He murmured stroking his fingertips against your cheek gently. “How do you see me?” You asked and he smiled softly “well I see a beautiful woman who doesn’t see her worth… I see a woman who’s badass but doesn’t let that full badass potential come out to play enough… I also see a scared anxious girl who doesn’t know how to express herself properly… but within that is a beautiful girl who deserves nothing but happiness. You deserve it y/n. You’re worth it y/n. You’re enough, Y/n.” He said softly and the more you gazed into his eyes the more emotional you became “tell me…” he said softly “what?” You asked softly and he smiled reassuringly “tell me. Tell me you’re enough.” He said and you looked into his eyes “I’m enough.” You said softly and he smiled “good job… now a little louder.” You repeated it again… over and over…. Until somehow it was imprinted into your mind and he wouldn’t ever stop reminding you of that small but very big factor….
You’re enough.
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mirandabarma · 13 days
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Panic room.
Just a lil something I thought of after trying a 5 minute meditation....yeah.
Cw: anxiety symptoms, fem!reader, sap
If you had realized the kind of day you were in for, you would never have gotten out of bed.
For one thing, you had woken up with a migraine that pounded when you took a step. You had stayed in your dark room for an hour until you lost hope and went to eat and take medicine. But, of course, your companions at headquarters had chosen today to throw a raucous party for whatever arbitrary reason they came up with this time (Komui was always planning parties). When you were recruited to help set up, you had refuse, only to find Emilia and Miranda pouting at your rejection. You had sighed and allowed yourself to be dragged into the job. Lenalee and Lavi shot you apologetic looks and Allen, who didn't know you well, had merely teased you about how rare it was for you to appear without your friend Kanda. You failed to understand this, gritting your teeth and resisting the urge to clarify Kanda as your friend, and nothing else. Besides, you thought, this would only egg the naysayers on, including Allen, who stepped back as irritation seeped from your very pores. Good, you thought. That'll teach him.
And so, you helped obligingly with decorations, cringing with each and every loud crash and screech and stupid mistake made by your companions. No matter, you thought. You'd slip out when the festivities began.
Your close friends had left you decidedly alone once the party started, sensing your drab mood and opting to let you sneak away. But others such as Gigi and Komui and even Reever, who liked you but, like Allen, didn't know your telltale signs of nervousness and irritability, encouraged you to join the festivities. In fact, Gigi had drunkenly dragged you back into the dining hall as you attempted to leave, claiming in a slurred haze that there weren't enough women at headquarters for any of them to be skipping parties.
Your eyebrow had twitched at that, but you kept quiet, though whether it was out of exhaustion or true compliance you weren't actually sure. A mere hour into the party, though, you found yourself sitting in a corner with a glass of water, watching people mill about as your knee bounced up and down nervously. You'd given up on leaving by then, and thought you'd be content to just sit.
You were not.
Your head ached, your heart did backflips, your stomach churned. The noise and movement that engulfed the room had become too much. You felt like you needed to run, but you were glued to your seat in fear, as if leaving were just as bad an option as staying right where you were.
And now, hours later, you have managed to drink a full glass of water, and sit anxiously for an unknown but far too long amount of time. Too shy to go refill your glass, and too lightheaded to remain in the room, you decide then to take the opportunity to sneak out the large double doors that lead into the overflowing room.
One step out the door, two, then three. By the fourth, the fifth, you're jogging. The ninth and tenth steps become more like a run, and by the fifteenth, you are sprinting through the halls of your vast, strange home towards a location unbeknownst to you.
Finally, you reach your mystery destination and slam open the sliding door, panting and startling the room's one occupant. You dont look at him, though--you can't, you're sure you'd cry if you did--as you smack the door shut again and flop onto the mats of the training dojo next to him. You let out a long, shaking huff of air and Kanda stares at you, his sharp eyes watching you intently. His expression holds only the slightest hint of his shock at your dramatic arrival.
"They got you, huh?"
You grumble. Of course he knows exactly what happened! He always manages to escape the torture of social gatherings. You glare up at him upon realizing it.
"You got out of it," you point accusingly, although you're half joking. "How do you always do that?"
"Welcome to the panic room," he mutters. "I just hole up in here and ignore them when they talk to me. But anyway," Kanda narrows his eyes in scrutiny, his gaze scanning your features for signs of distress. "You should meditate. You're obviously tense."
"I'm not tense," you drawl. "I'm pissed."
"Meditation is good for that, too."
And with that, he's back in his cross-legged position, his hands resting on his knees, back straight and eyes closed. You frown. Once he's in that pose, he's going to ignore you; he's proven this many, many times. So instead of poking and prodding at him to elaborate, you simply sigh with a good, intentional amount of drama and settle in next to him, in the same pose.
Truthfully, you've never understood meditation. You try to focus on your breathing, concentrating on deep, full inhales and long exhales. Inhale, exhale.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Inhale....
Exhale.
But your mind wanders several times to several places. How will they manage to clean up after the party? Will you have to help? Hopefully Cross won't be there to cause any trouble for the women. And what about--
"Your breathing is shallow," Kanda whispers so that you can barely hear him, but you swear you feel him scoot closer. "You're distracted. Every time that happens, let it go and focus on your body again."
You scrunch your eyes shut, trying to follow his instructions. For the next few minutes, any time your mind wonders, you inhale deeply again, attempting to center yourself once more.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Inhale.
Exhale.
You open your eyes.
As if sensing something, Kanda peeks at you from one open eye, still in his meditating position. "Better?" He mumbles, and you're sure this time that there's an affectionate undertone in his voice, one you never hear unless he's speaking to you. It makes you feel special somehow.
With a long sigh, you lean your head on his shoulder. "Yeah," you whisper. "Thanks."
Kanda doesn't respond.
You wake up in your bed the next morning, in the same clothes and unsure how you got there. I must have fallen asleep in the training dojo.
(The second you exit your room, you're met with the news that Kanda nearly skewered Lavi the night before, and you realize that only one person could have carried you back to your room--and was obviously caught in the act and thoroughly teased).
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Hate - Trent Alexander-Arnold
Who: Trent Alexander-Arnold Request: hey dunno if this will be helpful or not but you said you was having a mental block for the trent fic but maybe you could just write about the liverpool squad coming to check on him after the match and get mad at him for not telling anyone how he had been feeling because they care about him? agin not sure if this will help but you never know haha! have a good day :) Requested by: anonymous Warnings: mentions of anxiety, mental struggles and receiving (online) hate. A/N: Ah, thank you so much for trying to help me, I really appreciate that! 💖 And of course this imagine came out like water out of a faucet 🤪 I changed it slightly from the request, though. Hope you don't mind.😁
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If Trent could have just walked off the pitch today, even before full-time, he would have done so without hesitation. Lately he was struggling with his form, and literally every aspect of the game felt like mammoth task to him at the moment, with today's match being no exception. Somewhere around the 80th minute came Trent's breaking point. He made an error which directly lead to their opponent scoring, and Trent could feel himself start to become undone. Tears burned behind his eyes and he found it difficult to concentrate anymore, as he silently spun out of mental control. The shrill sound of the final whistle was a cruel form of liberation to Trent, although he knew the real pain was only just starting... All he wanted to do right now was cry and hide from the world. Hide from the comments of sports commentators and people on social media, who would undoubtedly slaughter him once again for his performance tonight. Trent hurried across the pitch to get back inside as fast as he could. He didn't want to look at the crowd, he didn't want to speak to his teammates, and he even avoided Klopp.
Trent reached the relative quiet of the Liverpool dressing room, and was glad to learn he was the first one back there. Suddenly Trent felt unable to do anything anymore. The mere thought of what would be said about him on the internet tonight made him so unbelievably anxious. He sank to the ground, in the middle of the dressing room, burying his face in his hands. Tears spilled into his hands, as it all became too much. "Trentski?" Trent wasn't sure how long he had sat there until Andy found him. The Scot sounded genuinely worried for him. "Are you okay?" Andy sat on his haunches next to Trent, resting a hand on his friend's back. Trent looked up, shaking his head. "I'm worthless." "What are you on about?" Andy frowned. "Is this about all that online hate stuff?" Before Trent could answer, Jordan walked in. One look at his teammates sitting on the floor made him turn around to Virgil, who was behind him, and tell the Dutchman to keep everyone out of the dressing room for a few minutes longer. Jordan quietly closed the door behind him. "This doesn't look good." Andy looked up at his captain, sadly shaking his head. "Trent?" Jordan sat down on the floor on Trent's other side. He didn't need any explanation to know that the problem was with Trent. The young defender sat shivering beside him, looking lost and miserable. "Remember what I told you when you first joined this team?" Jordan sounded comforting and fatherly. "That I could always talk to you about anything," Trent sniffled. "Right," Jordan confirmed, "and I'm sure the same goes for Robbo." "Absolutely," Andy immediately agreed. Jordan allowed a short silence before he spoke again. "Maybe it's time you talked to us, mate." Trent looked from Andy to Jordan, searching to put into words what he felt. "I'm not good enough for this team," Trent finally confessed, hanging his head. "Everyone's saying it. Maybe I should just accept that's how it is." Andy scoffed at the mere idea of this. "I'm sure no on in the team would agree with you on that, laddie." "No." Jordan wrapped his hand around Trent's shoulder. "We believe in you, and I'm sure I'm speaking for the entire team when I'm saying that. I know you might not be having the best period form-wise, but that doesn't immediately make you make you unworthy of this team. Better times will come." Trent sniffled again, wiping his nose on the long sleeves of his undershirt. These words eased his mind somewhat, and he was grateful for Jordan's and Andy's concern for him, but he knew it would still be a long road to actually feeling better. "Maybe, for your well-being, you should stay off social media for a while," Andy suggested, "I don't like you getting so affected by it." Trent nodded. "I will." "And if this ever happens again, you feeling this bad, you talk to us immediately," Jordan urged once more, "please don't wait until you break down like this again. Robbo and I care about you, the whole team cares about you, and we hate to see you so miserable." Andy rose to his feet, and pulled Trent up with him. "Remember that we're always here for you." "You're important to this team," Jordan threw in, "and no amount of hate, online or otherwise, is ever going to change that." Trent smiled briefly. These words, spoken by two of the people he admired most, meant the world to him. "But what if this bothers me every day, though?" Andy clasped Trent's shoulder. "Than we'll talk every day. If that's what you need, than that's what we'll do."
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Tags: @evie-pr, @auawdo, @meteora-fc, @de-geas, @stonesyyyy, @drizzyreese, @hbstre, @liverpoolfanfiction, @sternennebel2001 TAA tags: @footballffbarbiex, @sanchoj7 PL tags: @ella33 LFC tags: @candlelitutopia, @percervall Add me to the tags list, too! For more of my TAA imagines, click hereGeneral masterlist
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diary-of-a-vampire · 4 months
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I'm exhausted. Exhausted of everything lately. Not the exhausted like in high school - the exhausted were I didn't even want to exist anymore. Just the exhausted, that makes me wonder what the point is in everything. The only things I feel like I can, is draw, or write - lately, even that is too much. Hell, I'm even afraid to show my art to other people. Then, what even is my point? I don't even understand why I'm so terribly frightened to show the things I put my heart and soul in. Even if lately sometimes, I feel like my soul is sucked out of my body.
Connections in real life feel meaningless, no matter how friendly. Going to school feels pointless, what am I even doing there, if so much social anxiety, and only quietly sitting there? Sometimes I genuinely laugh about a friend, and then I wonder, why people even like me. Other times I see people laugh, and I wonder what's the point, isn't it a fake laugh like the one I mostly put on my face?
I'm at that point where I don't even want someone to share my feelings with. They're way too big anyways, and it's meaningless - all connections lately feel so surface levelled, pointless - even if I'm grateful.
Best friend that abandoned me for someone else, other old friend I cut contact with because I felt suffocated - I miss you and yet I don't. Reaching out to me would even feel like too much. Everything is too much.
Too many sounds make me go exhausted, life feels unreal, more often I look at my hands again and wonder if I even exist. More mental breakdowns and the confidence I once had, completely shattered. The reflection of my bus mirror shows a worn out face, dark circles and cheekbones that stick out too much. I don't even know who I am again lately, not even who I want to be.
I'm stuck, and my pills don't work well enough if you ask me. They keep away my anxiety sometimes, and they calm me down when I'm too much. But whenever I feel sad or depressed, it just doesn't stop the hole in my chest from sinking deeper - and the ocean behind my eyes from swallowing me at that moment.
People try to be friendly and tell me 'at least you tried,' or 'at least you showed up.' they mean well when I'm too afraid to do something or get anxious. But I've had these moment ever since I can remember in my life; wanting to do things so badly and when low, getting stopped by my mental health. I tried everything over the past years whenever I was low and anxious - but people don't understand it makes me even more frustrated. Because, after all these years, at some point, trying or being present doesn't bring you further to your dreams and I don't like it - even if I know they mean well.
I really just needed someone to sit with me, and let me cry, and ask me how I am. How I really am.
But you know, Charlie always goes on, even after crying puts a big smile on their face, and barely complains - so I guess people think I'm stronger than I actually am...
I want to be seen and heard, but I also don't. I'm tired trying for so long to live like a person without mental illness, no matter what I do. And no matter how well I feel again everytime, and how much hope I gather - I always end up here again. I hate it so much.
I wish I could show my art and become the artist I wish to be, but I'm too scared. And even if I want to when I'm low, my mental illness always tries to push me down.
Numerous times I've heard people tell me 'But don't say you can't! You can do anything if you want to!' I've heard it too many times, and it makes me sick.
My brain makes it impossible to live my life sometimes. Even physically, I get unwell, and I tremble and shake and just barely function at that moment. And I wish people would understand. Because I'm not just a little anxious; I get sickly frightened, I get outrageous when I'm angry, my body physically hurts whenever I am sad, when I'm too happy, I get annoying and have so much energy up until it doesn't feel good anymore.
I only express it when I'm home alone, or only sometimes at home.
However, when I'm fine, I can go weeks or months being grateful, good, content, confident and feeling good. Without these swings or lonely feelings.
I wish I was feeling good again like last year around this time. Where I was convinced I would find a girlfriend - because now I feel like love doesn't even exist, and I wouldn't even want it. Where I felt good-looking and wasn't so tired and had so much inspiration - in contrast to now, where I don't even know what to think of my body, and feel dissapointed in my face and myself and everyone else a lot of the time. Last year, where I used to be so happy, and made friends and could relax - in contrast to now, where my mood keeps swinging and I have irrational fears and an imagination too big. Now, where I even see black spots in the sky when I'm stressed and move so slow in nervous breakdowns. Back then, when I woke up in winter - and it felt like summer. In contrast to this summer, where I woke up, and I felt like winter and felt like I was slowly going insane.
I keep telling myself I'm not depressed, and when I'm well, I'm doing fine - but maybe I am depressed again lately at moments. Because today, I don't feel like anything - not even the things that used to make me excited.
I know, my good feeling will come back though, until I overwork myself to the point of going obsessed and deeply irritable - only to feel insecure and tired and have a nervous breakdown and get sad again eventually. It's like a loop. And I just want to feel so confident again like then...
Perhaps I'm just lonely, and should do something about it. But I don't feel like trying, I don't feel like doing anything - I don't even know why I should.
Perhaps I isolate myself too much, or am just doing it all for attention - but honestly, I wouldn't even wish this upon an enemy if I had one. Perhaps I isolate myself, but it's so fun to always know no one reaches out, even when you always make sure to try so anyone doesn't feel like this when you're around.
Perhaps, I can't be myself. I feel worthless lately and underserving of even the smallest friendly gestures and it's like my whole personality just fades in front of me when I'm around other people. I'm someone else when I'm alone or at home - and then I change into this bleak person again when other people are around. I'm someone else, but I feel like people would reject me somehow, I just can't be who I am supposed to be when insecure - except when I feel confident and it all doesn't affect me.
Perhaps, I can only give, and not receive. Perhaps, I'm just not destined to always be happy - and to go in waves, otherwise, my art wouldn't really have any inspiration, I guess...
I don't know. I'm just tired, and I don't feel like trying. And even if I don't have the right to, I just feel let down.
And you know what's even more hilarious? Perhaps I'll wake up again tomorrow, like nothing's wrong - all back to normal until it goes like this again. Who knows, I'll feel better again tomorrow, and this all feels made up. (I hope so)
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timeoverload · 7 months
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I haven't felt this frustrated in a while. I'm mostly frustrated with myself though. Tonight didn't go the way I hoped it would. I think maybe I should just stop getting my hopes up and everyone else's because I do it every damn time. I'm sorry.
I spent the whole day feeling so anxious that I thought I was going to get sick and that always happens. I don't want to feel like that because I can't function in that state. I spent so much time trying to calm myself down earlier. I wish I could relax. I always go in there shaking like a leaf and I can't control it. It's embarrassing and I hate it so much. I feel like my social anxiety is getting worse instead of better even though I do try to put myself out there.
I feel like I never know the right things to say in the moment and then later on I think of a better response but it's always too late. I was hoping you were going to go outside for a cigarette so I could try to talk to you about stuff again. I guess I didn't ask either so that's my fault. I think next time I will just ask you for a cigarette even though I haven't had one in a long time. I know things have to work out eventually because it feels like it's meant to be and I have faith in that.
I'm sad but I'm not going to let myself cry this time. I'm not going to sit here and complain about it anymore. I really do complain too much and I realize that. I should stop doing that so much on here. I'm feeling like I need to retreat back into my shell. I need to stop oversharing. Sometimes I think I should just get a journal because it would probably be good for me. I'm really not trying to be a drag because I know I can be sometimes. I don't want to bother anyone with my problems.
I'm also realizing how dull I am. I know I need to find hobbies. I wish I could get excited about doing something new. I can't get excited about anything but it's probably just because I'm depressed. I don't think being neurodivergent helps. I'm so tired of doing the same stuff all the time. I think I need to decrease the amount of time I spend on the internet so I probably won't be on here as often. I need a little bit of a break I think.
I really don't want to call in tomorrow because I will probably spend the day feeling guilty. I wish I didn't feel bad about wanting to take care of myself. I don't think I will be in a good place mentally or physically so it would probably be best for me to stay home anyway. I don't think I ate enough today either because it's impossible when I'm nervous. I'm having a beer right now but I'm not going to have any more. I don't even feel like finishing the one I have. I'm going to have to wake up around 3:45 and I don't want to oversleep. If I do stay home tomorrow, I'm going to try to find some books to read or something. I'm planning on working Thursday for sure because I don't have any PTO left.
I guess I'm going to try to decompress the rest of the night. I don't want to get upset. I'm not sure what else to say right now. I don't think I will be awake much longer because I got up at 6:30 and I'm tired. I hope that tomorrow is a better day for everyone.
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mythoughtsandstuff45 · 11 months
Text
It's been awhile.
I haven't touched this blog in what? Two years? Maybe three. I'm nineteen now, almost twenty. Turns out I don't suffer from cyclothymia, but anxiety yes. Although I could've told anybody that. I changed docs, who still isn't sure what kind, exactly, of anxiety I have. I isolated myself completly in my home, left my job and didn't return to school. At a certain point, my home became my prison. I went through an eight-week therapy program recently to get out of that, I got a social worker before that, then couldn't get another appointment afterwards. So, yay! I hope the sarcastic tone is heard in your heads, whoever is reading this, if anybody.
I... don't know what i'm doing. Honestly. I read through my past posts and, I gotta say, some days are exactly the same. Rage, sadness, fear, fatigue, numbness, symptoms i'm all too familiar with, unfortunately. But this time, they seem less random, often with reason, sometimes hard to admit. Still, I go through some days like a robot programmed to act without actually feeling, or needing to.
Tw beneath cut... mentions of suicide. Intrusive thoughts.
I've asked myself if anything's, if I'm, worth anything. Ended up in the hospital for it. Well, that's not the only reason why... also wanted to take a buncha pills and end it all there and then. Temporarily. That's not a solution, as i was already aware. In my eyes, that's the coward's way out. Made my mother cry to hear that her baby wanted to die in her sleep. But, as she cried, i was so numb, so, so done with everything. Silent tears rolled down my face just to think of how done i was with everything.
Still feel like giving up everytime i go through a hard few days. Still feel done when nothing seems to go my way or when the suffering doesn't seem to have an end in sight. I take medication, i practise my breathing techniques, i anchor myself in the present with my senses. Sometimes, that's not enough.
I panic, i cry, i scream, i shake.
Then, I have the good days. One morning, I wake up and nothing weighs me down. I'm rational, I think normally, I stand up straight and think "Wow, I'm pretty today!". I don't force myself to wear my makeup, i wear it just for fun. I smile, I laugh, I joke around, I-I- I feel just a bit normal.
But all it takes to bring it all down like a crumbling tower is one, single, intrusive, thought. "You're fat. Nobody'll ever love you. Lose weight. You're a screw-up. Lazy. Ugly. You should've never have been born. Coward. Dunce." I could go on. I'll be in a conversation and one of those'll slip out as a joke. Then the spark in my eyes dulls and my smile flickers for a second. The mood's changed, the ambiance is ruined. I don't do it voluntarily. I really don't. The thoughts i want to keep in my head wrangle the words on my toungue and distort my discord.
I don't know what I'm doing.
~goat
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naturesapphic · 2 years
Note
Maybe like older!nat trying to make reader more comfortable in a social event like a party or smth cuz reader has social anxiety and started crying…
Btw i luvvv ur fics 💕💕 have a good dayyy
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No parties
Older!nat x fem!reader
Warning: social anxiety, gross drunk man, cussing, soft nat
You were sitting near the back of the room sipping on a glass of water. You didn’t really like alcohol considering your last traumatic events, you try to stay far away from it. You were watching people mingle and dance around the room in the compound. It was one of Tony’s monthly parties, no he never really has a real reason for throwing them unless it’s someone’s birthday or a big accomplishment has happened, other than that he just throws them whenever.
Tonight was Tony’s best friend rhodey’s birthday so of course, tony threw him a massive party to celebrate. You wanted to go out and socialize with everyone but you just don’t like parties. They are big, loud, crowded, and you barley knew anyone besides your girlfriend plus the avengers.
Natasha saw you sitting alone on one of the couches in the back of the room far away from everyone. She frowned looking at her baby, nat could tell that you were getting anxious with more people coming to Tony’s party and some of them weren’t even invited!
Nat decided to keep an eye on you as she mingled with everyone until a man approached you. You looked so uncomfortable and Natasha wasn’t having any of it. No one messes with her girl.
“Come on precious, let’s get out of here and we can go back to my place.” The drunken man said as put his big hands all over you. You shook your head no and tried to pry his hands off of you but he was much stronger that you but definitely not strong enough to your girlfriend. “Hey! Get your hands off my girl you pig!”. Natasha gave him the deadliest death glare you could give someone, usually it would send people running for the hills but this guy was too wasted to even comprehend.
“Or what….” The man sneared at her as he towered over your girlfriend, which she wasn’t much taller than him so it shouldn’t be a problem taking him down. Natasha cracked her knuckles and kicked him in the groin. Then she grabbed his head as she collided it with her knee. He groaned loudly and went on the floor in pain as he curled up into a ball. “Mess with her again and you won’t be able to walk for months.” She growled at him as she went over to you and her heart broke as she saw you shaking. You were having a panic attack and nat had to act fast so you won’t pass out.
Nat quickly got to you and pulled you into her lap as you started sobbing. “Shhh shhh printcessa…I’m here baby I’m here…” she rubs your back and rocks you back and forth. You bury your face in nats shoulder as she picks you up in her arms. She tells Clint and tony what had happened and that she’s gonna leave the party early to take care of you. They nodded their heads in understanding and hoped that you were okay.
Nat carried you up all the way to y’all’s shared room as she sat down on the bed with you still on her lap. You had stopped sobbing and now you were just sniffling a little here and there. Nat slowly placed kisses on the top of your head and forehead. “Are you okay babygirl?” You nodded your head against her neck and yawned. Nat giggled and kissed the side of your head. “Is my little angel sleepy?” You blushed and a small smile appeared on your face as you mumbled out a “yes”.
Nat smiled as she changed you and her into matching pj sets that she got for y’all last year. You snuggled into Natashas side as you started falling asleep. Nat looked down as she admired you. She couldn’t believe how lucky she got. She has the most perfect girl in the world and she’s so thankful for you.
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pascalpanic · 3 years
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Lovely Josie! Can I request a Frankie piece? Where reader is part of the friend group and really into Frankie. She knows he's also into her but just typical insecure Frankie. So she flirts with him and tries to seduce him every chance she gets until one day she's had enough and really goes for it. And if course Frankie likes it 😇 Merci!
Spicy-Sweet (Frankie Catfish Morales x f!Reader)
summary: ^^
W/C: 4.3K
Warnings: lots of talk of alcohol, food, god Frankie’s an idiot but a cute one, so much pining and flirting, implied age gap and Frankie’s insecure over it, Frankie has a brief and mild anxiety attack but is comforted
A/N: this is one of my favorite things I’ve ever written, I really hope you guys enjoy it!
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Bucky- that was what the men called you. When you’d first joined the group of men, it’d been as Pope’s friend, a shock to all of them; you weren’t sleeping together, weren’t sneaking around. Just friends. That threw them for a loop. You were always at his side, his right-hand wing-woman. Frankie had been a little put off at first that he’d been replaced, but he grew to like you just as much as the other men. That’s how you’d earned Bucky: Cap’s sidekick, Pope’s sidekick.
When you finally bonded with the rest of them, became friends with them, you were less Pope’s sidekick and more yourself. You grew to love the men for different things. Benny was always there to cheer you up, full of bad jokes and energy. He’d take you out when a date stood you up, buy you a beer on your shittiest days. Will Miller was a shoulder to cry on. He was smart, strong, emotionally intelligent. Wise beyond his years, Ironhead always had the best advice for you. Pope was the partier, and was the one who got things done. Organizing plans was his forte. He loved getting the group together to hang out, and was the only one who could rally the group.
Frankie was all of that and more. Everything. Frankie had caught your eye the moment Pope introduced you to the men. Frankie was the quietest, even quieter than Will. He never enjoyed the spotlight, especially when you were new, but he loved making his friends laugh. He was comforting and helpful, lending you a jacket or helping you with a manual labor task you couldn’t quite get.
Frankie is the one you have a crush on. All of the men have their attributes, and you have to admit that any of them would make a good boyfriend and surely a good lover, but they are and always have been brotherly first. Frankie was something different. You wanted to stay in his arms forever, wanted to kiss the bald patch on his jaw and steal his Hawaiian shirts. You tease him endlessly to hide your feelings, though never in a mean way at all. Always soft and joking, always reciprocated by the teddy bear of a man.
You were the same to him; the first time he saw you, he thought he wanted to marry you someday. He loves your laugh and your humor, loves the way you nudge his side and even though it’s a little painful, wants you to do it again just so he can feel your body touching his. He loves how you can hold court over the men with your stories, can get them to agree on the most divisive of issues. He’d even proposed once that you become Cap, not Bucky. You were clearly a leader. But Santiago brushed it off by saying that Bucky was getting his own show now, so he’s just fine, and besides pendejo, you can’t change a nickname once it's been given.
Emotionally constipated Frankie is just fine to sit to the sidelines. If he has one principle with love and friends, it’s that he’d rather have you as a friend than not have you at all. That’s why he doesn’t necessarily openly flirt with you, why he suppresses his feelings until it’s late at night and he’s alone and can daydream about your pretty face and tight jeans and the crinkle of your nose when you smile.
You’re different. You wear that green shirt you know Frankie always ogles you in when it’s a night out. You buy him a drink or two. You insist he dance with you, take him on errands with you on a Saturday morning. You can read the man; you’re pretty damn sure he likes you too, but you don’t want to ruin it. Rushing him is the last thing on your mind.
-
As you wander through the farmer’s market on a spring Sunday morning, you shiver as the breeze rushes past your bare arms. Frankie doesn’t notice; he’s too busy admiring a booth selling hot honey. You can’t help but laugh as he delightedly samples a spoon of the syrupy-sweet-spicy product, and turns to you with wide eyes. “Bucky, you gotta try this,” he insists, handing you a sample spoon.
Nodding, you give in and taste it. The flavor on your tongue reminds you of Frankie if he were a flavor: a little spicy, but more of a warm feeling. Infinitely sticky-sweet, floral and tasting of sunshine. There’s heat, just a little, enough to awaken your tastebuds and mingle with the honey perfectly. “That’s good shit. How much is it?” You ask the vendor.
A few minutes later, you walk away with two bottles. You hand one to Frankie. “Here. This is for you,” you tell him with an earnest smile.
Frankie’s brows slide together beneath the brim of his favorite ball cap. “You didn’t have to do that.”
“I wanted to,” you shrug and pat his cheek, your path curving to the right as you approach a bakery stall.
The morning is sunny and just slightly cold, making you shiver every so often. Sweet Frankie walks dutifully at your side like the dogs and their owners similarly strolling the tent-lined sidewalk. His eyes light up as he sees breads and flowers, homemade jerky and beautiful jewelry. The variety is exciting, and you often hear Frankie shouting for you from a new booth.
While you admire the jewelry made of local stones, something warm and soft covers your shoulders. You look down to find that it’s Frankie’s suede brown jacket. “You looked cold,” he tells you and turns a little pink before patting your shoulder and wandering off.
At the end of the day, you have a full reusable bag, brimming with goodies: a small bright bouquet, two loaves of bread, cookies, fresh berries, and a bottle of hot honey. Frankie’s is similarly stuffed, though it’s with much more unhealthy choices. The two of you sit on a grassy hill, munching on a pack of thumbprint cookies Frankie purchased.
The morning sun is just starting to warm up, but the jacket you’re now wearing is cozy. You lean your head on Frankie’s shoulder as the two of you rest there without words, lost in your own thoughts.
God, he’s so cute. So sweet. A little stupid. Just how I like them. Is my flirting not obvious enough to him? You wonder internally.
Frankie’s thoughts are similar but different. She’s so sweet. She’s so nice to me. I wonder if she’d ever like me like that.
-
Partying is Pope’s favorite pastime. The man enjoys getting shitfaced and taking a similarly drunk date home. Lord knows what they do; you’re glad you don’t. That leaves you and the Millers and Frankie. You and Benny dance and sing karaoke, twirling and shouting the lyrics to the song blasting in the bar. Frankie and Will sit on the sidelines.
That’s exactly where tonight has found you. A surprisingly sober Pope has gone home with a pretty girl he flirted with briefly before she tugged him by the jacket sleeve. He shot a look of excitement at the four of you before leaving.
Now, Benny requested his favorite song through the pay-per-tune machine in the corner. You’d squealed and dragged him out, dancing with him on the wooden floor the bar provides. Frankie can’t help but think the two of you would make a good couple. The two of you are full of sarcasm and energy at most times, around the same age. Frankie’s a bit older, and he can’t help but think that it would be weird for you, that it would prevent him from liking you. If only he knew.
Benny does, actually. He’s annoyed that your group doesn’t give him enough credit for his smarts. He might be mostly muscle, but he’s packing brains too. He’s great at observing social interactions, and he can especially tell that there’s something between the two of you. He’s learned his best friend like he knows how to drive or what his own phone number is. Benny knows Frankie, and he knows he won’t make the first move for fear of upsetting you. That’s why he’s taken it upon himself to be your blonde, blue eyed Cupid and queued up Frankie’s favorite song next.
You know it’s his favorite song. Of course you do. When it comes on, you turn to the bar with wide eyes and wave to catch Frankie’s attention, then wave him over. Benny says something or another and wanders off. It takes some nonverbal persuading, some pleading eyes and pouting to the man, but Frankie eventually adjusts his jeans and gets up, leaving that suede jacket behind on his barstool.
“It’s your song!” you exclaim as you throw your arms around him, starting to dance along with him. He moves back with you, though nowhere near as fluid or free.
He shakes his head but smiles, and you flick the brim of his cap. “Oh come on, you love this song. Don’t be such a dope,” you tease and grab his hips, forcing him to move them a little more than the stiff motions he’s making.
“I am a dope,” he mumbles and you roll your eyes, moving in a way that invites Frankie to move back against it. It’s a two-person dance, and you’re starting to get him moving.
Chuckling, you look up at him. “You ever seen Footloose?” you ask him.
He blows a raspberry into the air, laughing. “Of course I have. It’s my favorite movie.”
“Then how come you can’t dance?” You tease.
Frankie makes a noise of mock-injury, clutching his chest. “Damn, Bucky. Right in the heart.”
You giggle and rest your head on his shoulder. “I was going to say that you remind me of Willard. I guess that’s fitting though. You can’t dance.”
His scent is the only thing you can think about, the way his cologne is spicy and sweet on his flushed skin, warm from having you in such close proximity. “Does that make Pope Ren?”
“And it makes me whatever the girl who dates Willard is named,” you shamelessly flirt, swaying him to the side as the song changes in keys.
If there was anything in Frankie’s mouth right now, he’d be choking. Maybe it’s just because you’re dancing together, he rationalizes. Maybe it’s just because you wouldn’t want to date Pope. It can’t be because you like him. That’s not even a thought that crosses his mind. “Ha. Sure,” he shakes his head, taking off his cap and teasingly placing it backwards on your head.
It’s loose on your head, and you laugh as you look up at him. Frankie has that feeling again in his gut: he’s going to marry you someday. It can’t be the alcohol, not in either of you. You’ve both only had a drink each. No, in this moment he realizes the depth of how bad he wants you, but he cannot comprehend that you want him too. There’s no way you could ever love a man like Francisco Morales, he tells himself. But he wants you to. He aches for you to.
The song ends and the ache only grows. Frankie is not a dancer. This is his time to retire to the barstool. “Well, thank you for holding my hat,” he teases you and steals it back, putting it on himself and patting your side before wandering back to his spot next to Will.
You frown, but then Benny finds you again and the energy returns somewhat. You long to feel Frankie’s arms around you again, to dance with him and whisper jokes next to his ear so that you can feel the way his laugh buzzes in his chest. You consider buying another play of Frankie’s song later, but that would be suspicious. You’ll have to find another way, but you have to do it soon; you’re not sure how much longer you can last before you combust from not getting to kiss his soft lips, to feel his scruff beneath your fingertips as you cup his face and finally close the gap between the two of you.
-
Frankie is much too old for parties. He’d decided that even a few years ago now, that that sort of thing was best left to the young bucks who could drink endlessly and awaken with only a mild headache. How the hell Benny had talked him into attending this party, he wasn’t sure, but he knew that you’d be there and that was enough for him.
You’re not a big partier either; you can get wild, but only around your friends, usually only with Benny there to egg you on and hand you shot after shot. You don’t particularly like getting drunk, just enough alcohol to make things a bit lighter. Benny and Santiago were the ones who’d insisted you and Frankie come along to this party a mutual friend of theirs is hosting.
Of course, the boys wanted you two there but had failed to mention they were each bringing dates. When you wandered in with Benny and a girl flung herself onto him, peppering his blonde stubble with kisses, you’d quickly learned that you weren’t going to get a good night with your favorite guys. Santiago was similarly taken, a girl draped across his lap in a busy living room, each of them holding a drink. He’d given you a two-finger salute as you wandered to the kitchen, kind of annoyed.
You’d dressed a little nicer, though nothing too special, and you immediately hoped at least Frankie and Will would be around tonight to hang out with. Will’s not a big partier, though he’s a little more social than you and Frankie. Your phone buzzes in your back pocket and your face falls as you read the text.
Ironhead: sorry guys. Not gonna make it out tonight.
He provides no explanation why; Will never does. You know better than to question it. Your only hope now is that Frankie doesn’t blow you off.
Frankie could never. The promise of you being at the party was enough for him to meticulously shave and spray that cologne he knows you love on his flannel, which you’ll surely ask for because you’re always cold. He’s not here yet, so you lean against the kitchen counter and crack open a hard seltzer as you look around. Bringing your drink with you, you hit the bathroom and when you return, there’s a familiar ball cap poking above the crowd, labeled with Standard Heating & Oil. Frankie.
Sneaking up behind him, you snatch the cap from his head and put it on yourself. “Hey, pilot,” you sing as he turns and his face lights up to see you. His hair is still slightly damp from the shower, leaving an indent in those curls from where the cap was.
“Goddamnit, Buck,” he laughs and tries to steal it back, but you dodge out of the way.
“Looks like it’s just us tonight, flyboy,” you sigh as you prop an elbow on his shoulder and look around, finding Benny and his girl making out on the dance floor and Santiago playing with a woman’s hair on the couch.
Frankie has to admit he’s okay with that. “They didn’t tell me they’d be bringing dates,” you grumble. Frankie holds back a chuckle. This was most definitely planned, Wingman Benny embracing his role in forcing the two of you together. Frankie couldn’t say he was too upset about it, in all honesty. “Come on, let’s get you a drink,” you shake your head and grab Frankie by the bicep, trying not to shiver at how muscular his arms are.
In the kitchen, you toy with the hem of his shirt as he mixes himself an old fashioned from the vast cocktail bar. “I love this one,” you murmur absentmindedly, admiring the worn fabric and the ripping seams at the hem. It’s so perfectly Frankie: an old black Fleetwood Mac shirt, nearly falling apart. There are holes in the hems and under the left armpit but it always smells sweet and spicy, just like him, and feels like a security blanket. “Looks good on you.”
“Looks like a piece of shit. I need to just throw it out, but I can’t bring myself to,” he chuckles as he finally takes a sip of his drink. He knows the reason he can’t: you love it too much.
“Good,” you nod and set down your hard seltzer, making yourself a drink.
“What you got there?” he asks as he watches you stir up a concoction.
“Essentially the same as you. Old fashioned but with Fireball instead of regular whiskey.”
“You seem to like the spicy-sweet thing, don’t you?” he teases.
God, if only he knew. “Spicy-sweet, just like someone else I know,” you tease him and nudge your shoulder with his. “Maybe that’s why I like you so much.”
Frankie’s heart does several backflips in a row, complete with a roundoff and a cartwheel. He’d earn the gold in the Olympics, the way his heart tumbles and turns in his chest. “Ha,” he laughs dryly, looking down at his own drink, swishing it and watching the ultra-sweet cherry spin through the dark liquid.
The music gets louder from the other room as you and Frankie drink in silence, both of you leaning against the kitchen counter as the amount of alcohol per cup steadily decreases. “I’m gonna go see if I can find Pope,” Frankie finally speaks over the loudening noise, nodding to the living room where everyone is clustered.
“Sure,” you call back, even though he’s just a few feet from you.
It’s practically a maze, trying to find his way through the people. They’re all moving and bouncing, the sound overwhelming him. It’s like a goddamn mosh pit, he thinks, or how it must feel to be buried inside one. How did this party become something like this, and why the hell is he here? Frankie wanders through, getting turned around as the group moves and sways.
His breathing gets heavier, and suddenly Frankie feels suffocated. His primary objective no longer is finding Pope, it’s getting the fuck out of here before this herd stampedes him to death. He feels pathetic and small, like a single fish in a giant school wandering through an abysmally deep sea.
When the tide loosens its hold, when Frankie sees a path, he takes it out. He’s not sure how long he was trapped in there- 20 seconds, a minute, five minutes, but he’s overwhelmed and his head is spinning, his drink somehow gone and lost in the shuffle.
You see him stumble out, looking terrified, and rush over. “Hey, hey, Frankie,” you murmur as you grab his forearms. “Are you okay? Did you find Pope?” You ask, your thumbs tracing over his pulsing veins.
He shakes his head, and you take it as a no for both. “Okay, come on, did you drive here? Is your truck out there?”
He nods and grabs his keys, putting them in your hand. “Alright, pilot, come on. Let’s get you out of here.” You stick the hat back on his head and hope it could maybe bring a sense of normalcy back to him.
Frankie’s head feels like radio static as you bring him to the truck, unlocking it and sliding in first across the bench seat. He follows in after you and closes the door, and he turns the air conditioning on full-blast, feeling desperately hot.
“Hey, hey. Talk to me,” you beg of him, cupping the side of his face with one hand. You shiver under the quick breeze of the vents, the cold air immediately filling the cab of his truck. “What happened?” You ask, just above a whisper, fingers tracing the stubble of his jaw.
His eyes are getting more normal, less panicked and more sane. He must’ve had some kind of anxiety or PTSD moment in the crowd. “Just… thought I was gonna get crushed,” he murmurs, not looking at you.
“Frankie. Let’s breathe together, okay? Look at me.” His eyes find yours and you smile. “Good. Follow me.”
You ground him nearly instantly, your chilled skin under his hands as he grips your upper arms, your soft lips parting to breathe in and out. The flutter of your eyelashes when you close those beautiful eyes, the one that have such a distinct unique color. He would kiss you right now if he had the courage.
He breathes along with you and is calm enough by the second breath to think rationally again. The wave has passed, leaving his body feeling tired and limp. “I-I’m good,” he assures you, tracing his fingers across your skin. “Bucky, you’re freezing.”
“Frankie,” you give a sad chuckle. “I’m supposed to be calming you, and-“
“I’m super hot, please, take this,” he says as he shucks his flannel and hands it to you. “It would help me,” he says simply, enjoying the way the air conditioning more directly contacts his skin without it on.
“Well, okay,” you laugh and slip it on, breathing in the warm scent that is Frankie and sighing contentedly. “See? I love the sweet and spicy thing, like your cologne.”
He shakes his head and looks away. “Oh, stop. You don’t mean that.”
You frown at him. “Frankie. You’re thinking straight again, right?”
He nods.
“Then how aren’t you processing how in love with you I am?” You ask with a soft laugh, resting your head against his shoulder. “I flirt with you endlessly, and it feels like you never pick up on it. So now I’m just going to say it: I like you, Frankie.”
Biting his lip, Frankie looks down at you with slight confusion. “Really?”
You laugh incredulously, burying your face in his neck. “Yes, Frankie, really. I like you a lot. I have since the moment I met you. And I’d like to think you like me too.”
There’s a beat of silence and he nods, taking one of your hands in his and lacing the fingers together. “I really like you too. I’ve been in love with you since the moment we met, Buck,” he admits, wide brown eyes looking down at you with all of the love in his massive heart. “I just… didn’t want to assume anything. You’re so good to me, but you’re so good to the other guys too.”
“Do I buy the other men bottles of hot honey? Have I ever brought a date around like the other guys do?” You ask, lovingly and hoping he sees your point. “I’ve been pining for you for so long, Morales. I just want you to get it through your thick skull that I care for you and I’ve been in love with you for quite a while.”
“I feel stupid,” he mumbles, ears turning pink at the tips. “It was pretty obvious. You’re right.”
“Hey, you’re not stupid,” you assure him and squeeze his fingers. “I personally think it’s fucking adorable that you didn’t want to assume that. I like that, that you didn’t want to do anything first without knowing the same about you. I like all of you, Frankie, from that scruffy beard to these cozy flannels you always let me borrow.”
His heart melts in his chest, reducing him to a puddle. “Then I guess I should ask if you’d be my girl.”
His girl? If you thought he couldn’t get any cuter, you were wrong. You can’t hold back any longer and you swing your leg across his lap, straddling him in the bench seat of his truck. “Can I kiss you, Frankie?” You ask, gently removing his cap and setting it aside.
“God, yes please,” he practically whines as he cups your face in both of his big hands, kissing you deeply and breathing out heavily through his nose.
It’s the best thing you’ve ever felt, Frankie’s body pressed to yours as your lips meet. You both taste that perfect spicy-sweet flavor, the way that’s so Frankie in your head. This might be the sweetest and softest man alive, you think to yourself, and goddamn, you’re lucky, Bucky.
His body radiates the heat of his love and stress and everything, completely melting into yours. You’re never going to stop doing this now that you’ve started. You’re never going a day without holding Frankie like this.
Your legs are firmly planted on either side of him, and Frankie moves his hands to grip your waist and pull you in closer. Shivering at the way he practically manhandles you, you moan into his lips, murmuring his name breathlessly. It’s like the most perfect melody, the way you say it. He mumbles your name back, your real name. Not Bucky.
Your arms wrap around his neck and you press yourself tight against him, running one hand through the soft curls at the nape of his neck. He tastes like heaven, just as perfect as you’ve dreamed about for as long as you’ve known him. When you break away, you smile softly, admiring the way he’s panting beneath you. His head is tilted back to look at you on top of him, his eyes glazed over and cheeks warmed with pounding blood. You gulp and trace the side of his face with feather-light fingertips, admiring his beauty. “God, Francisco,” you murmur. “Why didn’t I do this sooner?”
-
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446 notes · View notes
asmo-ds · 3 years
Note
hi can u do a headcanon of the brothers with a mc scared to go to school because they are suffering from bullying? if its not much to ask <33
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W/ MC who is afraid of school bullies
a/n: I don’t know if I say this often enough but if anybody at all is being bullied or just needs to talk about their life in general my dms are open and I will gladly listen to you. I also didn’t proofread this to make sure these make sense so pls don’t hate me I’m just tired
Warnings!!: Bullying, anxiety, depression, weight shaming, violence 
Summary: MC suddenly starts to avoid going to their classes at RAD which leads to the brother in question having to do a mini-investigation and comfort MC after the heartbreaking truth he discovers
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- One morning he went to wake up MC for school and suddenly they claimed they were sick despite not showing any symptoms
- He assumed they were being lazy and scolded them and forced them to get up, but just before they reached the campus they fell to their knees and started crying.
- He immediately escorted them to the student council room and sat them down. After some questioning he gets a basic idea of what’s been happening.
- He feels guilty for not noticing sooner, but he pushes aside his shame to comfort MC in that moment
- He will tell MC he’s proud of them for staying strong for this long but that he’s concerned why they wouldn’t tell him
- He lets MC go home early before he heads back to R.A.D. 
- The bullies seem to have suddenly gone missing the next day
- ((((They’re in Lucifer’s torture chamber learning what is means to mess with HIS human)))
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- Mammon is sitting in a class across the school from MC when he suddenly gets a text from one of the succubi in MC’s class asking where the human was
- He was confused because he had walked them to class
- He excuses himself and wanders the corridor where MC was meant to be.
- He hears a faint sniffle and realizes it’s coming from the ladies restroom.
- After alerting anybody else who might be in there, he goes in with his eyes closed and locks the door behind him.
- He finds MC in a stall, curled up on the ground sniffling and shoulders shaking from the small sobs.
- He decides the public bathroom floor isn’t the best place to be sitting so he picks them up and heads back to the dorms as quick as his wings can bring him
- Will cuddle with MC and listen to them until they eventually end up crying themselves to sleep
- Mammon decides to go pay a visit to the bullies and lets his demon form take over for once and he ends up knocking them out (before pickpocketing them just for fun)
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- Levi hears MC knock something over in their room while he’s in the middle of an online class, so he hangs up on the class and heads over to their room.
- “Hey normie, why are you home?!” 
- He is shocked to see them crying on the floor next to a broken pot
- They mumble to themselves and all he can make out is something about the bullies being right about them destroying everything they touch
- Levi can only stand there in shock for a moment, but then he realizes he needs to act, so he instinctively wraps his arms around them and shush them, rocking their shaking body back and forth gently
- Though he is flustered and freaking out about having MC in his arms, he knows they are hurting and he needs to push himself through that nervousness
- He will bring them to his room so they can distract themselves by watching the fish in his aquarium to calm the nerves
- When he finds out who the normies that hurt HIS normie are he gives names to Lucifer and asks him to do something about those students or let MC do homeschool like himself
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- He knew MC had seemed shaky and as if something was bothering them at breakfast
- But he wasn’t expecting to walk in on them being beat to a bloody pulp and taunted by a group of lesser demons.
- He loses his cool in less than a second, going feral and attacking all the demons surrounding the now unconscious human
- He picks MC up and sprints away as fast as his full demon form will allow him to back to the House of Lamentation
- He washes and covers MC’s wounds, watching over them while their body rests
- When they wake up he demands an explanation and to know why they didn’t ask for help from him or his brothers
- The more MC tells him about what they’d been doing to the poor human the more he wished he’d tortured the demons before slaughtering them on the spot
- He reads to them and holds them most of the night, not daring to let go of them as though they’d get hurt again without him keeping a vice grip
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- Asmodeus had been a bit confused when MC stopped hanging around him at school
- He was also really sad and thought they hated him, so he decided to ask them about it
- He goes to their room and opens the door without knocking  only to be met with their red puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks
- He sees them fling their phone across the room as if they didn’t want him to see it, so he decides to pick it up despite MC’s protests
- There he sees texts flooding in from his friend group who usually hung around him during school
- At first he thinks they may be bonding but then he uses his brain and stops functioning as he sees the threats and insults being hurled at MC for no reason at all
- He shuts MC’s phone off and feels relieved that they don’t hate him, but rather his friends, who deserved to be hated.
- But he also feels guilty because the texts seemed to be the friends threatening MC for “stealing” Asmo away from them 
- He pampers them all night and does a spa sleepover with MC in his room.
- After they go to bed he asks Levi for some help with hacking into the D.D.Ds of his friends so that he can spread their embarrassing secrets and absolutely demolish their social life
- Anytime he sees them in the hallways of RAD, he pulls MC closer to his side and whispers into their ear, making fun of his former friends
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- Beelzebub notices MC eating less and less, growing pale and more tired than usual
- He tries to subtly make them feel better by trying to share his snacks and taking them on adventures but nothing seems to work
- Eventually when they stop coming to school Lucifer asks Beel so figure out what is going on since MC trusts him the most
- He hangs out with MC all day, snuggling and snacking while watching movies
- Eventually he has to ask the questions so he asks when they seem to be in a good mood
- He watches their mood immediately darken and tears start to form in their eyes
- They look down and mutter out a small response, “Beelzebub. Do you think I’m fat?”
- He couldn’t believe the words he was hearing and he immediately wraps his strong arms around the frail human as they cried.
- “No I don’y. you’re perfect in every single way, MC. Even if you were I’d still love you because you are you... Can you tell me who has been planting these ideas in your head?”
- After getting names he tells them they won’t have to worry about the bullies anymore and they can come to school again because he’d protect them
- Tells Lucifer the names so he can get the demons all into a secure place where Beelzebub can make a nice meal out of them when MC falls asleep later
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- When MC starts to hide in their room more and more, even avoiding school, he thinks that they may have finally realized just how bad everything he did was and were trying to avoid him
- He sleeps more in hopes they’d feel comfortable coming out more if he was unconscious
- After a few days he hears from Beel that MC still hasn’t been leaving the room, and the twins grow more worried than the already were
- Lucifer eventually forced MC to go back to classes after about a week of staying holed up in their room
- Belphie stayed home that day, having overslept once again
- He was woken up by a trembling and sniveling figure crawling its way between his arms to nuzzle his chest
- He immediately wakes up and asks MC if they’re hurt and examines them to make sure they are at least physically okay
- When MC explains that they had been staying home to avoid the bullies and when they came back the bullies were worse than usual, he can’t help the fact his demon form takes over
- He texts Beel all the info he can get out of MC, knowing his brother would handle the situation better than he ever could
- He holds MC all night, occasionally letting out soft praises about how much he loves them and how perfect and kind they are to everyone around them
1K notes · View notes
streetlight11 · 3 years
Text
Neighbour's Fate
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Summary: He was your neighbour growing up but he has always been distant. You didn't know for what reasons he chose not to mingle with you or your younger brother. It's been 6 years since you saw him. One day, you best friend asks for a favour from you that would eventually lead you to meeting his close friends. Who would've thought your old neighbour was now one of your best friend's close friends.
Theme: university au, old neighbours to lovers
Genre: fluff, a tad bit of jealousy, a little suggestive
Warning: mentions of anxiety, one or two curse words, very mild harassment (grabbing of wrist, that's all)
WC: 6.5k
Pairing: Seo Changbin x Fem!Reader
a/n: This was just a spur of the moment kind of idea I had the other day, and so this was the work I created... Hope you guys like it :)
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Growing up, you lived beside the Seo family. They were a family of four and so were you. Their oldest child was a girl and her name was Seo Jiwoo. Their youngest child was a boy and his name was Seo Changbin. You were pretty close to the girl, to the point where you would always go to school together but the boy had always avoided you for unknown reasons.
He wouldn’t even play with your younger brother. It used to upset you but as you grew up, you realized that you can never force anyone to like someone or do something they didn’t want to do. And for that reason, you ended up letting him be.
However, despite not talking to you as much as his sister did, he was very attentive on small little things and he noticed that you tend to get anxiety attacks whenever you are in front of a huge crowd or the centre of attraction. And he knows this.
You had just entered senior year when you heard news from your parents that the Seo family were moving.
You were sad considering you’re already so close to Jiwoo. But you couldn’t force them to stay there anyways. You accepted the fact that you probably wouldn’t see them anytime soon, maybe not ever. You bid them goodbye, not forgetting to glance at Changbin one last time before they drove off with their boxes loaded into a van.
Two years passed since they moved and you were finally going to college.
You decided to move to Seoul alone and your parents allowed it. Your heart was heavy to leave them behind but they understood that you were doing it because you wanted to further your studies. For that, they willingly let you go.
After graduation, you enrolled yourself into a college with your favourite course, not forgetting to find an affordable apartment for yourself. And that was the start to a new chapter in your life.
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4 years passed by in a flash and you had managed to further your studies by going to university. You were currently a Computer Science major in Hankuk University, together with your best friend whom you met in college and have been friends ever since. He was two years younger than you but he was pretty mature for his age, and his name is Hwang Hyunjin.
It was a bright Thursday morning and you were just strolling to your lecture class when someone swung their arm over your shoulder. Right when you were about to curse, the familiar voice warned you.
“Relax, stop being too defensive will you?”
You clicked your tongue at him, seeing him shake his head a little to get his long beautiful blonde bangs away from his eyes.
“Then announce who you are first before putting your arm around me next time, will you?” You scoffed, earning a roll of his eyes. “You’re unbelievable sometimes, you know that?” Hyunjin sighed.
“I appreciate that compliment.”
“Whatever…” Hyunjin could only laugh as the two of you continued to walk to class.
Hours went by, it was currently lunch hour. You made it to the cafeteria in time when there still weren’t many students yet. Hyunjin was walking beside you, telling you stories about his ex-girlfriend whom he caught cheating on him last month when you spotted an empty table a few rows down from you.
With that, you grabbed his shirt and began to drag him to the table before anyone else occupies it. A few minutes later, you were just munching on your smoked squid when someone came to give Hyunjin a handshake.
You looked up to see two guys whom you knew to be in Hyunjin’s dance crew team that represented the campus.
One of them had pretty freckles all over his face while the other one had a cute gummy smile with doe round eyes. They simply acknowledged you with a friendly smile and a nod before walking away.
You’ve never really met Hyunjin’s friends before properly because you were shy.
Even with those two guys, you knew they were part of Hyunjin’s close circle of friends that had other guys from other campuses but you’ve never met them before. You weren’t sure if you even wanted to, if they’re all just going to be as equally good looking as the two dancers from your campus.
A few days later, you were lounging in your living room on a Friday night watching your favourite TV show on Netflix. You were in nothing but panties and a big hoodie that you remembered to be Hyunjin’s but you stole it one night when you slept over at his place after he broke things off with his ex-girlfriend when he found her cheating on him with a friend of his but not from his circle.
You were just seated on your couch with a chocolate almond drink in your hand when you got a text from Hyunjin.
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With that, he told you to pick him up at his apartment so that you could go meet his friends at the mall and discuss his plan. It sounds ridiculously dramatic to you but then again, it’s Hyunjin. Nothing’s ever not ridiculously dramatic when it comes to him.
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You texted him you’ll pick him up at around 2, in which he said okay. You were scheming through your closet to see what you could wear. You didn’t want his friends to have a bad first impression on you so you opted to wear a little feminine. After rummaging your closet for a good few minutes, you ended up pulling out a baby blue off shoulder, floral print dress.
You’ve worn this out with Hyunjin before once but mostly with your girl friends. You kept your hair simple with a messy low bun, leaving your fringe to frame your face as it parts nicely in the centre.
Once it was time to pick him up, you left your apartment. Not forgetting to bring your purse along to keep your important belongings.
You wore your favourite white Nike air force 1s to pair it with your outfit.
After you’ve managed to pick him up from his apartment, he tells you which mall they promised to meet. The drive there was filled with him complaining to you saying his ex kept bothering him on kakao talk and also social media.
He said he’s had enough so he wants to get back at her to show her that he’s moved on. He told you that she invited him and his friends to her birthday party at her house next weekend.
So he wants to use this chance for his payback.
You simply listened to his plan as you focused on the road ahead of you. Once you’ve found yourself a parking space, you park your vehicle and leave.
He walked with you to the restaurant, all the while talking to you about your dreadful assignment. You arrived at the restaurant, only for a waiter to approach you two.
“Uhh, hi. My friends are here actually. Table reserved under Chan I think?” Hyunjin said as the waiter went ahead and checked the booking list, only for him to nod when his eyes met the name that was mentioned.
“Ah, yes. Right this way.” He led you deeper into the restaurant as you followed behind Hyunjin.
You were too busy focusing on the crying child across the room, not realizing you were already at the table until Hyunjin’s arms wrapped around your waist to stop you from walking. You whipped your head around to lock eyes with him as he chuckled at you for being clumsy.
Just then, you turned towards the table and you saw a whole table filled with really handsome guys. You also noticed that the two dancers from campus whom you recognized pretty well by now.
“Oh, hey!” The one with freckles said as he waved to you and so did the other one. You smiled shyly to them as you rested your right hand on your left elbow.
You schemed through the different pairs of eyes, smiling to them as a way of saying hello.
Just when you thought you were done, you didn’t notice the one who got blocked by Hyunjin’s tall and lean body. It wasn’t until Hyunjin turned around to call for the waiter, that you finally locked eyes with the individual seated at the edge of the bench.
He was absolutely breath-taking.
He was wearing a grey shirt that hugged his upper body a little too perfectly.
His muscles were in full view. His broad chest puffing out against the soft material of his shirt. The sleeves of his shirt doing the bare minimum in giving his muscular arms air to breath. His shirt tucked into his black cargo pants that had a chain attached to the belt hooks.
He wore a silver chain necklace as his accessory and a few chain bracelets as well. His hair was styled to show his forehead despite it not being slick back. However, his eyes were cold at first but the minute he looked at you, you could’ve sworn his eyes went wide for a split second before it softened.
Your smile slowly disappeared as Hyunjin spoke up to get your attention, “Noona? You okay? You look like you just saw a ghost.”
With that, he chuckled as he turned to his friends and continued talking, “Friends, this is my best friend since college, Y/N. Noona, these are my friends, Felix, Minho hyung, Seungmin, Jeongin, Jisung, Chan hyung and Changbin hyung.”
At the mention of that last name, a sudden rush of adrenaline flowed through your veins as you turned to look at the said individual. Letting his name roll off your tongue.
“Chang… bin?”
The table fell quiet as your eyes diverted from his to the plate in front of him. The boys didn’t miss the frown that soon appeared on your face.
“Do you know him?” Hyunjin asked, genuinely intrigued by your reaction.
Why is the name making your heart flutter?
Just then, you looked back into Changbin’s soft eyes only to ask, “Seo… Changbin?” You heard a few light gasps from the guys but they weren’t your main focus right now.
You watched as Changbin shifted in his seat, making him ask, “How did you know my name?”
His question made you confused.
Was he not your neighbour? Was he not the same Seo Changbin you used to grow up next to? Was he a different Seo Changbin?
This made you feel slightly embarrassed thinking you mistook him for someone else. So you apologized, “I… sorry, maybe I mistook you for someone else.” With that being said, he didn’t say anything else as Hyunjin brought you to the empty space beside Jisung and Seungmin. During lunch, Hyunjin explains what his plan was to everyone.
You listened to him as well, occasionally giving him scoffs or a click of your tongue if you felt that he might be a bit too sassy about the things he wanted to do.
After lunch was over, they wanted to walk around the mall for a bit so you followed.
You had all just entered the lift to go down to level 1 from level 6. There were a few strangers who came in as well. You were the last to enter after the boys while the other shoppers came rushing in behind you.
You had just turned around when a rowdy bunch of people pushed you in further. You were about to lose balance when you felt a firm hold on your waist. What you also felt was your upper back accidentally crashing into a firm chest. You were secretly hoping your guess was wrong but it wasn’t.
“It’s okay. I got you.” His raspy voice said quietly in your ear over the noisy lift, making you turn your head slightly.
That was your first mistake.
The minute you turned, his lips accidentally brushed against your cheek as it was now inches away from your own lips. You were caught off guard by the close proximity so you softly gasped and were going to pull away from him when you accidentally bumped into the person in front of you.
That was your second mistake.
Because the minute you slightly bumped into them, the person turned around to give you a disapproving look, making you apologize quietly as you felt the hands on your waist wrap itself around you and tugged you against him as a way to comfort you.
Changbin simply hid his smile against your hair on his left where his face was between your head and the lift walls so none of his friends saw this.
Your heart was pounding against your chest as you unconsciously rested your hands on top of his forearms. After the crowd left the lift at level 3, you could finally breathe as Changbin let go of you before his friends saw him hold you.
You went home that day feeling lost and confused.
Does that mean he knows you, that he was simply acting as if he doesn’t remember you? Why else would he act that way, unless he’s that type of guy who knows his way around girls?
As far as you remember, Hyunjin has never mentioned being friends with fuckboys and that he says that his friends were all very sweet and humble guys.
Either way, you decided not to think much of Changbin and just carry out Hyunjin’s favour and you’d call it done with being around his friends. But of course luck wasn’t on your side and that it always has it’s way of turning things around in your life. This time, it was with Hyunjin’s friends.
More specifically, Changbin.
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The day finally came, you were going to be Hyunjin’s fake girlfriend for the night. You weren’t really nervous considering you don’t have any special feelings for him. You were more anxious that you will be seeing his friends tonight. And that means you’ll be seeing Changbin too.
Hyunjin came to pick you up this time, coming earlier to pick out the perfect outfit for you to wear so that his ex would feel jealous when he sees you with him.
Hyunjin ended up choosing a pink satin dress with quite a deep neckline that essentially shows your cleavage. You were against wearing it at first but Hyunjin insists on you wearing it.
“Dude, you do realise I might get guys staring at me the whole night if I wore this right?” You asked, your tone was serious as he knows how you feel about being a centre of attraction. It gives you major anxiety. With that being said, Hyunjin gave in and chose a different dress that was also satin but with a decent neck line and a thin strap to rest on your shoulders.
It hugs your figure perfectly, with the hem stopping right on your mid thighs.
Hyunjin gave you the privacy to change as he waited for you in your living room. After you were done, you came back out with your purse and heels from your shoe closet.
Hyunjin almost choked on his own spit as he scanned you from head to toe.
“Woah! You are looking hot as hell!” He praised you, earning a roll of your eyes. You slapped his chest with your purse, telling him to get up so you can both leave.
The drive to his ex’s house took about 40 minutes, filling the drive with singing your favourite songs with Hyunjin and just laughing about random things. His friends were going to meet you two there, hence the reason why you were now leaning against Hyunjin’s car door with him towering over you.
He trapped you by resting both hands on top of his car roof on either side of your body.
“So, let me make myself clear. You can hold my hand, hold my waist, kiss my cheek, wherever you want up here…” You said as you pointed from your shoulder to your face before continuing your speech, “But, not my lips.”
Hyunjin pouted as he got a gentle slap from you to his chest, making him chuckle.
“Okay, but what if she wants proof of us dating and she asks us to kiss?” He asked, making you think through your potential actions.
“Fine, only if she asks. If not, don’t even think about tricking me into kissing you.” You warned as he scoffed, telling you that you were ‘no fun’. You rolled your eyes at him but the smile on your lips betrayed you.
Right when you wanted to look away from him, instead you saw a group of guys walking up to you and Hyunjin. Only to realize it was his friends.
Your eyes just naturally travelled over to the one walking near the curb.
Changbin wore a black skinny cargo pants, a black button down formal shirt tucked in, leaving the first few buttons undone. It definitely was low enough to expose a slight amount of his chest. He accessorized with his favourite silver necklace and a chain bracelet with a watch. He had a pair of black combat boots on to go with his outfit.
His hair was styled nicely to partially show his forehead and his undercut. You would be lying if you said he didn’t look good. But you decided to keep the comment to yourself as Chan smirked at you and Hyunjin.
“Damn, you’re not even inside and you guys already started the act?” Hyunjin wriggled his eyebrows as he pushed himself off his car only to snake one arm around your waist and pulled you against his side gently.
“By the way, you look really pretty Y/N.” Chan smiled at you genuinely, making you feel shy. But nonetheless thanked him for his compliment.
The rest of them agreed to their friend’s comment as well, saying that you look good with this dress.
The 9 of you soon walked to the house as Hyunjin slid his hands into yours swiftly when you were reaching the door. However, Changbin couldn’t help but feel jealous when he saw this. Yes he knows it was all an act. Yes he knows that it was only for a day. But why did he wish that was him instead of Hyunjin?
You arrived at the house, only for Hyunjin’s ex to open the door. Her smile immediately dropped when she looked down at your locked fingers with Hyunjin.
“Hey, you guys made it… And, with a friend…” She said through her clenched teeth.
“Oh my goodness, where’s my manners? This is Y/N, my girlfriend. Baby, this is my... friend, Yuna.” Hyunjin said as he slid his arm around your waist, making you smile at the girl and proceeded to shake her hand.
She was clearly uncomfortable but she just pressed on a smile as she welcomed the 9 of you in.
The birthday party was definitely leaning more towards a party which includes alcohol and random hooking ups with strangers. But since some of them drove, they made sure not to drink, including yourself because you don’t drink alcohol.
It has been almost an hour since you reached here and there were already a whole bunch of drunk university students everywhere in this house.
You were just seated on the couch next to Hyunjin and Minho with some of the guys. The only ones who were tipsy amongst the 9 of you were Jisung, Jeongin, Felix and Seungmin. You were just leaning your head against Hyunjin’s shoulder, feeling tired from having been surrounded by drunk students when you felt the need to get a refill of your non alcoholic drink.
You rested your hand on Hyunjin’s lap to gain his attention, who was busy talking to the other four guys, as all four pairs of eyes soon turned to you. “I’m gonna get a refill. I’ll be back.” You said as you got up after receiving a nod from him.
A few minutes later, you were just walking back to where the guys were sitting when a warm hand on your waist made you jump.
You turned around to see a guy whom you didn’t recognize, smiling down at you drunkenly.
“Wanna dance, baby girl?” He slurred over his words, making you excuse yourself. But when you turned to walk, he gripped your wrist so tightly that it made you drop your cup to the floor. You winced as he began tugging you towards the stairs.
But then a firm grip around your waist made you stop walking as someone ripped his hand away from yours only to throw a solid punch to his jaw.
“Fucking touch her again and I’ll break your nose.” Hyunjin growled as the guy began to stumble away. This has caught the eyes of those around you, making your anxiety grow. You didn’t realize this but you began to shake, something you always did when your anxiety was kicking in.
You were about to panic when the soft voice behind you managed to calm you down.
“Hey? Hey, calm down. Breathe. It’s okay.” Changbin whispered in your ear. It confused you on how he seemed to know that this was due to your anxiety but your mind couldn’t properly function right now.
So when Changbin called Hyunjin and told him you were shaking, the minute he passed you over to Hyunjin who immediately hugged you, that’s when it hit you.
This Changbin knows about your anxiety.
You allowed yourself to calm down in Hyunjin’s arms as he caressed your back soothingly and it worked.
A few minutes later, you finally stopped shaking as he pulled away from you only to cup your face gently. “Are you okay?” He asked, genuinely concerned for you. All you could do was smile at him and thank him, in which he told you it was fine and that he should’ve been more alert when leaving you alone in this kind of atmosphere.
You were just walking back to where his three friends were sitting, when a familiar voice called Hyunjin’s name behind you. The pair turned around as Yuna came to a stop behind Hyunjin.
She awkwardly glanced at you before focusing back at him.
“Hey, I need to talk to you… in private?” Yuna said.
“Why? We can just speak here.” Hyunjin said.
“I want to talk about something important… it’s about… us.” She paused. Hyunjin sighed as he stared at her with nothing but lingering pain in his eyes.
“There’s nothing else to talk about Yuna. You cheated on me when I told you I loved you. Was I not enough for you?”
“I’m sorry Hyunjin… I… I wasn’t thinking. Please… can we talk in private?” She said desperately, making you glance up to him who had an obvious frown on his face. You knew he wanted to talk to her to clear things between them. But you could also see that he was already tired of her bullshit and that he wanted nothing but to move on from her.
So you opted to give them space by holding his forearm gently and told him, “I think there’s some things you guys need to settle. Go. I’ll wait with the guys.”
You flashed him and Yuna a smile as you let go of his hand, turning around to walk towards where Minho, Changbin and Chan were sitting. The three of them were already looking at your direction, seeing the situation unravel in front of their eyes.
Hyunjin was at a cross road as he wasn’t sure if he should follow his heart or mind.
After what felt like forever, he decided to follow his heart and that was to completely end ties with Yuna. With that being said, he turned back to her only to speak up.
“I’m sorry Yuna. But all of that was in the past. I’ve already moved on and you should too.” Hyunjin said as he then turned on his heels and left.
He re-joined you and the guys, where you were sitting on the arm rest beside Minho since the other end of the couch was already occupied by drunk couples. Hyunjin was just standing beside you when Yuna placed her hand on his shoulder and roughly turned him around.
“That’s it? It was just that one time. You can’t tell me you’ve moved on that fast.” She scoffed as he raised his eyebrows at her in disbelief.
“With what you did to me, it only makes sense for me to move on this fast. Besides, I’m already dating someone now. You’re too late.” Hyunjin taunts but it seems like Yuna had a different plan as she scoffed at you.
“As if. I’ve noticed you two acting quite distant when I’m not near you. Just tell me you guys are friends and leave. I don’t need fakers at my party.” Yuna said, her tone visibly angered.
Hyunjin smirks, knowing that she was just trying to bite his tail.
“What do I need to do then to prove to you that I’ve really moved on from you?”
“Kiss her. If you’re really dating her and you guys aren’t just friends, then kiss her.”
There it is.
That was probably the last thing you’d wanna hear tonight. Especially not in front of Changbin. With that being said, Hyunjin smirks as he accepted the challenge easily. Since you both agreed on this before you entered the house just now, you knew you couldn’t really say no to it.
“Oh, sure thing sweetheart.” Hyunjin said as he turned to you and immediately leaned down to kiss you on the lips, hands reaching up to cup your face.
You swiftly moved your lips against his to make it seem legit. You could feel Hyunjin’s lips curving into a smile against your lips as you heard Yuna scoff and soon stormed off. Hyunjin pulled back the minute she left, only to apologize to you.
“I’m really sorry noona…”
“It’s okay.” You smiled as Minho and Chan began to tease you two for executing the perfect kiss, saying that it looks too legit. They even mentioned saying you two looked like a nice couple.
In which you responded with a fake gag, earning a soft punch to your arm by Hyunjin himself. You giggled but you completely missed the way Changbin’s eyes were burning with jealousy from seeing you kiss Hyunjin.
He knows this was just an act but why was he so pressed by the simple kiss?
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A few days later, you were in class when Hyunjin told you he was meeting his friends this weekend and asked if you wanted to join them. You weren’t sure if you wanted to but you decided to go along with it. He said they planned to watch a movie and maybe go to the pier. You nodded, agreeing to tag along since he offered you to come.
Weekend finally came and you had just left your apartment. You wore your denim skinny ripped jeans, a white cropped fitted tank top and a black oversized jacket.
Hyunjin told you he was going to pick you up so you met him at the roadside in front of your apartment building.
You both made it to the mall to queue for the movie tickets. Chan was queueing with Hyunjin so you were left with the others. You were just scrolling through your Instagram when someone fed you popcorn. You looked up to see Changbin holding two popped kernels in front of your lips. You unconsciously blushed as you opened your mouth to let him feed you.
Changbin chuckled after feeding you, only to pop some in his own mouth. You stood in between Changbin and Jeongin against the wall while Seungmin, Jisung, Felix and Minho were standing in front of you three.
They were just talking amongst themselves when you glanced over to the full bucket filled with caramel popcorn that Changbin was hugging.
He saw you looking so he took some out and held it up to your mouth.
“Ahh, it’s okay, I can take myself.” You said softly, gently pushing his hand away but instead, he said something that made your stomach churn in a good way.
“Don’t worry, I like feeding people.”
You stared at him for a second as he teasingly tapped the popcorns on your lips, making you giggle. Changbin fed you a few times, even after you’ve entered the cinema theatre. After the movie ended, all of you made your way to the pier.
Once there, you were walking past the game booths which had some very cute prizes. Just then, your eyes caught a glimpse of your favourite cartoon character as a prize for one of the booths.
It was Stitch.
You gasped as you eagerly reached out for whoever’s arm that was nearest to you, only to grab both Changbin’s and Seungmin’s forearms on either side of you before pointing to the booth with the Stitch soft toy.
“Guys look! It’s stitch! It’s so cute! Omg!” You giggled, hearing both of them chuckle as you jogged over to the booth. It was a game of shooting which you clearly weren’t good at. Just as you were pondering over the game, a familiar voice spoke up from behind you causing you to turn.
“One round please.” Changbin said as he handed the man his bill before the man gave him a loaded nerf gun.
“What are you doing?” You asked as Changbin simply smiled at you.
“Playing the game?”
“Of course I know that… but why?”
“For fun…” He smiled as he began to aim for the targets. He was getting the shots perfect so far. Barely missing any target. After a stressful close round, you watched as he won a prize. You didn’t know why but you thought he was going to choose something that was for himself.
But instead, the next thing you see was the man reaching up to grab the exact one that you’ve been eyeing all these while.
Changbin smiled as he thanked the man for the prize. But when he turned away from the man, you expected him to walk back to his friends. You didn’t expect him to give you the Stitch soft toy and then proceed to say innocently, “Take it.”
You raised your eyebrows at him softly, clearly taken aback by his offer.
“W-What?”
“It’s for you… You looked like you wanted it so bad.” Changbin chuckled as he gently took your hands and wrapped it around the toy to make you hug it.
“Changbin… thank you…” You whispered as he could only smile, guiding you back to where the guys were. The minute you came back to where some of them were, you excitedly showed off your prize.
“Jin ah! Look!” You exclaimed as Hyunjin gasped at the size of the soft toy.
“Woah! Where did you get this?”
“From that shooting booth! Isn’t he cute!”
“You won the shooting game?!” Hyunjin asked in shock, making you blush as you turned to Changbin. He had a soft smile on his face before he spoke up for you.
“I did. So I gave the prize to her.”
The guys began to tease as Changbin rolled his eyes thickly at them.
“Oh? Was that a gift to her?” Minho smirked.
“Never thought I’d see the day Seo Changbin goes out of his way to win a prize for a girl…” Jisung teased. Changbin simply brushed all their comments off as you all continued walking. You have been hugging the soft toy for the past hour wherever you went, earning soft laughs from the guys. Just then, Hyunjin wanted to take pictures at the pier.
Felix was helping to take Hyunjin’s pictures while Chan was helping to take Minho, Jisung, Seungmin and Jeongin’s picture.
You were just burying your face in the soft toy when Changbin’s voice softly spoke up from beside you, “Do you like it that much?” With that, you turned to him and a bright smile decorated your face, warming his heart even more.
“I’ve loved it since I was young! He’s so cute! Don’t you remember? I used to bring my small stuffed-” You were rambling excited until you stopped yourself when you realized what you were doing. “Oh! Sorry! Sorry… I got a little carried away there…” You apologized as you avoided his gaze but you missed the little smile growing on his face.
But what he said next made your heart stop for a split second, almost not believing your ears.
“I remember…” He whispered so softly, you could’ve missed it if you weren’t properly listening. You whipped your head around as you stared at him in shock.
“You… do?” Your voice was quiet as his eyes held the galaxy.
But your little moment gets cut when Felix calls you over to take a picture with Hyunjin who deliberately drags you away from Changbin. He could only smile as he nods at Hyunjin’s figure behind you, signalling you to just go follow him.
You frowned as you stood beside Hyunjin and proceeded to take a few memorable pictures with him. After everyone was almost done taking pictures, you didn’t want the memory to go to waste so you turned to Hyunjin and quietly asked when the rest of the guys were already walking away.
“Jinie, can you take one picture of me with Changbin?”
“Why?”
“Just for memories…” You smiled and you definitely saw the confused look on his face but nonetheless, he smiled and called the boy over. When Changbin was standing in front of you, Hyunjin told him what you wanted. Changbin looks at you and a smile creeps onto his face before he agrees to it.
You soon reached down to slide your hand in his and brought him to the edge of the pier. You stood beside him with the huge soft toy in your arms. Right when Hyunjin was just trying to find the right angle, you felt Changbin snake his arm around your waist and pulled you closer into his side.
Your heart was palpitating against your chest as he turned to you and whispered softly in your ear, “I’m sorry for being distant back then. I hope you can forgive me and we can start fresh? Properly this time?”
You turned to him, only to find his face just inches away from you. At this moment, neither of you dared to move an inch.
Just then, you heard Hyunjin’s voice counting down from 3.
You turned to Hyunjin and back to Changbin, wanting to ask what pose you two should do. But the moment you turned to Changbin, he gave you no warning whatsoever as he simply pressed his lips against yours sweetly. You closed your eyes in bliss, enjoying the feeling when you heard the click of the camera followed by Hyunjin screaming excitedly.
Changbin was the one to pull away as his lips lingered over your for a second. You struggled to look at him, feeling your cheeks burn from embarrassment. “Was that okay?” He whispered, making you nod.
“Hey! Since when are you two a thing?! And secretly behind my back too?! Pfft…” Hyunjin scoffed but his cheeky smirk didn’t go unnoticed.
“Yeah… about that, we still have a lot to clear between us…” Changbin said as he rubbed the back of his neck nervously but you helped him clear the air before Hyunjin got more confused with the situation.
“Let’s just say we have an unfinished history between us and we’re going to settle it once and for all, okay?” With that, Hyunjin nods as he wished you and Changbin good luck. The 3 of you rejoined the group, only for them to ask where you three were. Hyunjin simply said taking pictures, completely hiding the fact that he just witnessed his best friend kiss his close friend.
On the way to all your vehicles, Hyunjin asks if you wanted to ride home with Changbin instead and that he could send Jisung home. You turned to Changbin who overheard your conversation with Hyunjin.
You saw him smile as he shrugged his shoulders, so you turned to Hyunjin and felt your lips curving upwards into a soft expression, “I’d love that.”
With that, Changbin told Jisung the plan and the younger could only nod happily despite not knowing the true intentions of the car swap. After all of you had said your goodbyes, you followed Changbin to his car and he soon drove off after you told him your address.
The car ride was filled with jokes and laughter, purposely avoiding the main talks first until you got to your apartment.
You let him in, telling him to take a seat while you went to make him a drink. After you came back with his iced chocolate, you sat down with him on the couch. He took a few sips of it before he finally spoke up.
“Is it okay if we start over? I know I wasn’t the warmest when I was young… I barely socialize with you and your brother… I guess I was just too shy and a little antisocial back then.”
You smiled as you reached up to cup his face gently in your hand. “It’s okay Binie. I didn’t understand why back then but now I know.” You whispered, feeling him lean into your touch.
You didn’t know who leaned in first but the next thing you knew, you were kissing him.
On the lips.
Changbin wraps his arms around your waist as he pulls you onto his lap. Your heart was racing rapidly in your chest. He kisses you passionately, rubbing soft circles into your skin. Just then, your breath hitched in your throat when his lips left yours only to make his way down your neck.
“Changbin…” You whispered breathily, making him smirk against your skin.
You swiftly took off his shirt, pulling it over his head before doing the same for you. Changbin took a second to admire your body, seeing this much skin on you for the first time.
“Wow…” His voice soft, feeling yourself get shy all of a sudden. He chuckled as he kissed your lips to distract you.
He took his time with you, making sure he wasn’t hurting you in any way. He brought you to your room after a good amount of time on the couch. He had been so respectful of you that he would always ask for your permission to touch you anywhere. He left you wanting more.
He made sure to clean you after spending your time together before pulling you against him to cuddle. You couldn’t help but prop yourself on your elbow as you rested one hand on his bare chest, softly caressing it before sliding your hand up to cup his face.
“I’m so happy I found you again.” You whispered as he giggled. His eyes crinkled into two crescent moons that disappeared as soon as he smiled.
“I could say the same for you too.” Changbin said as he kissed you sweetly. Both of you fell into a deep slumber a few minutes later, waking up the next day feeling so warm and full in your hearts. You were happy that you met him again after all these years. Who knew you would end up with the boy whom you used to live next door to.
~~~
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Note
hii, i love your writing so much and the black!reader content u provide us cause god knows we need more of them.
i wanted ro ask u if u could do a story where chris meets the reader at some celebrity party and they become really close and they start to fall for eachother. Chris asks her to be his gf but then she becomes distant and they end up getting in an argument and she reveals that she cant date him because shes a stripper and people will probably talk shit about her work being with a celebrity as known as him.
thank u in advanced i love your stories💕
Honey
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Summary: After telling Chris the truth, he wants to make things right.
Parings: Chris Evans x black!reader
Warnings: smut, strip club, lap dance, pole dancing, girl on top, fingering, swearing, daddy kink
(A/N: this has taken me for fucking ever and I have no clue why. I struggled, but it’s finally done. I’m so sorry Anon for how long it took. I also couldn’t settle on one single song because you all suggested such good ones so I left it ambiguous.)
Tagging: @titty-teetee @blackmissfrizzle @olyvoyl @liquorlaughslove @harrysthiccthighss @mariahthelioness29 @whiskey-cokenfanfic @olyvoyl @hqneyyincc @queenoftheworldisdead @iam-laiya @donutloverxo @slytherinandoutasgard @zaddychris @brattycherubwrites @love-more122 @ljstraightnochaser (wouldn’t let me tag you)
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Chris still couldn’t believe that you’d think he’d care. As if whatever anyone had to say about you would make him want to be with you any less. He doesn’t even know why he let you walk away that night. Or why he let you cry as you finally told him.
Since then he’d been going over everything that happened in his head. The way your eyes welled up as you finally told him the truth. The shock that ran through him because even though he knew how nasty you could be, you still kept up the facade of a sweet innocent girl so well. Which is what drove him crazy about you in the first place.
Except you’d taken that as rejection and he was too late to convince you otherwise. It didn’t stop him from constantly thinking that there was more that he could have done. Hopefully he wasn’t too late.
When you met at that party he was enchanted by you. By your voice. The way you wore your hair. Your beautiful smile. Like he’d met an angel in the flesh. He took you home that night where he couldn’t even wait until he was inside to fuck you, instead bending you over the hood of his car so he could give it to you right then and there.
Between all the fucking and pillow talk, he’d fallen for you. Somehow you’d become his first thought when he woke up and the last one before he fell asleep. He’d fallen for you quick and fast and was tired of the two of you just being fuck buddies. He’d thought you’d felt the same.
It didn’t matter because the truth had come out and you hadn’t talked to him since. He’d thought about texting you, but as corny as it was he needed to do something bigger. So that’s why he was in the audience watching you work that pole. As much as he hated that other men got to ogle you he was more focused on how beautiful you looked up there.
He chuckled because you would choose such a glittery outfit to do this in. Your makeup was all done up all bright and flashy in a way you didn’t usually care for. Your wig was this pastel pink. He was trying to ignore his anxiety telling him that everything could go wrong. Maybe it would, but he at least wanted to try.
“Is it possible to get a private dance from her?” He’d asked one of the bouncers, trying to use his Boston accent so it might not be as noticeable who he was.
“Who?” He asked making this face. “Honey? She doesn’t do lap dances. Something about a boyfriend.”
His heart sunk a little, but he had to do this. “What about for a little extra.” He flashed the money he had in his pocket.
He thought for a minute, before shrugging. “Go wait in room four.”
It took about ten minutes for you to walk in with a silk robe on. Still wearing that wig. He knew that look on your face. The one when you had an attitude. Suddenly he was thinking about that night you got a little snippy with him. He fucked it out of you by pinning you down and showing you who owned that pussy.
Fuck he needed you back.
“Look, I do-“ you stopped when you saw it was him. “Chris, what’re you- what’re you doing here?” You stuttered, your eyes widening.
He took a breath, shrugging his shoulders. “I wanted to talk.”
“You could have just called me,” you said.
“Yeah but I wanted to see you. I’ve missed you, Y/N,” he said.
You crossed your arms and looked down at your feet. Trying to stop yourself from smiling. You hated how he turned you into a pile of goo. Especially when he was trying to be mad at you. “How’d you find me?”
“I have my ways,” he replied, standing up. He pulled you into his arms hugging you tightly because he didn’t care if you had an attitude.
As much as you hated to, you pulled away from him. It didn’t matter that you wanted to melt into his arm. “You can’t just come to my job, Chris.”
He sighed because although he was expecting that reaction, he was hoping it wouldn’t happen. His heart felt like it was going to burst out of his chest. “I know. I just... if I had called would you have answered?” He asked. “Because I’ve been trying to call you. Fuck, what do you want me to do, Y/N.”
You shrugged. “I don’t know! I just... look I’m scared, okay. Scared of what people might say if they see us together.”
“I don’t care what people have to say.”
“Because you won’t be the one dealing with it!” You suddenly started to feel all teary eyed. You bit your lip as they started to come down your face. “I’m going to be the one getting comments all over social media about what a slut I am. Or about what an awful person I am. Or how I don’t deserve you because you’re fucking perfect.”
He sighed. “And I’ll be there to support you through all of it. Baby, I would never let anyone hurt you. Or disrespect you.”
“It doesn’t matter. They still will.”
“Hey,” he said, hugging you again not caring as you tried to push him away. Instead this time he held you cradling you in his arms because if you were crying he was going to hold you. “Tell me you don’t want to be with me.”
“It’s not that, Chris, I’m just scared.” You finally gave in. Clinging to him. What was the point of fighting when you just wanted him more than anything anyway.
“Hey, Buddy,” the club owners voice broke through your moment, making you feel like you were going to jump out of your skin, “no touching the dancers.”
Chris retracted his arms. “Sorry. I slipped and he caught me,” you lied. “He was just making sure I was okay.”
Of course he didn’t believe that. Looking at you through narrowed eyes. “Someone heard yelling in the next room. Sounded like someone was upset.”
“No I’m fine. We were just talking,” you said hoping that it didn’t show that you’d been crying. “I promise.”
“Fine, but keep your hands to yourself in my club, Pal.”
As soon as he left Chris sat down, pulling you into his lap. “So what do we do. Ball is in your court,” he said.
“I wanna be with you. I’m just... scared.”
He sighed. “Okay, well we don’t have to tell anyone right away. I just know that I’m crazy for you, Y/N.”
You smiled. “Really?”
“Mhm.” He kissed the side of your head. “Totally and completely crazy.”
You put your head on his shoulder. “I missed you, too,” you confessed.
“Yeah? What about this boyfriend I heard about?”
You tilted your head. “Boyfriend?”
“Yeah. The bouncer said you had a boyfriend so you didn’t give lapdances.”
You chuckled, shaking your head. “That’s just what we tell them when we’re not in the mood.” He laughed kissing your forehead. “Or maybe I do have a boyfriend?”
“You want me to be your boyfriend?” He bit his lip. His heart was racing fast then.
“Maybe.” You smiled trying to play it off all I’m
“Maybe, but... I’m...” you pulled away from him only to cross your arms all self consciously again.
“Talk to me, Honey.”
You rolled your eyes. “You think you’re so funny.”
He chuckled. “I like it.” He grabbed your hand so you could sit with him. Making you perch on his lap. “Talk to me.” He pushed a piece of the pink wig out of your face.
“I’m still scared.”
“And, I’ll be there to beat up anyone who wants to talk shit.” Chris held you as close as he could needing to feel you against him. “So, do you like stripping?”
You shrugged. “It’s fun and it pays the bills.”
“Do you want to keep doing it?” He asked.
“I mean... maybe,” you replied. Sort of afraid to say the wrong thing. It’s not that you think Chris wasn’t pro sex work, but that didn’t mean he had to be okay with his girlfriend doing it.
“Baby, if you’re worried about money, I don’t mind helping out.”
“I know,” you said.
“And if this is something you want to do, I’m okay with that, too. I don’t care what anyone says.”
You smiled before kissing him. That had been all you needed to hear from him. Not that it would fix everything, but right now it was enough.
“Promise?”
“I swear on Dodger. So you know that means it’s pretty serious,” he replied. You chuckled and he kissed your lips this time. Craving you after spending way to long not being able to touch you. You were still tearing up. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” you sniffled forcing a smile on your face. “So, I never gave you that lap dance.”
He chuckled. “Oh yeah. Baby, you don’t-“
You cut him off, putting your hand against his mouth. “I know I said I don’t give them, but I’ll make an exception for you.” You licked your lips, giving him this look that he’d recognized when you were trying to take his dick.
He glanced at the door first making sure no one could see them. Yeah it was just a lap dance, but he couldn’t promise that he would keep his hands to himself. You got up before leaning down to peck his lips.
“You can touch me however you want.” You started undoing your robe showing off the little costume you were wearing underneath.
“Fuck,” he breathed as he looked you up and down. As you removed the fabric that was keeping him from being able to see your full body. You turned around slowly giving him an eyeful of all that ass. He reached out to touch it.
“You like?” You asked all breathily, sitting back down on his lap with your back pressed towards his chest. You gyrated your hips feeling him get hard under you. His bulge pressing into your barely covered center.
He groaned into your ear. “Oh, I fucking love it.” He wrapped his arms around your his so tight. Helping you move. Making you mold into him a little deeper.
You bent your arm back so it was resting on the back of his head. He grabbed at your tits kissing your neck. As he pinched your nipple you let out a moan you didn’t hold in quick enough.
You put your hands on his thighs so you could brace yourself. Moving your hips in a circle so you were right on his dick. “Holy fuck,” he panted. You were driving him so crazy. He had to touch you. Had to feel how wet you were just for him.
He dipped his fingers into your panties. You were so wet he knew you were probably making a mess on his jeans. He didn’t give a fuck. All he wanted was to make you cum. He missed you to much to care if your pussy made a mess on him.
You had to cover your mouth this time because he’d started rubbing your clit. All soppy and wet. Your hips faltered especially as he lifted up your leg so his other hand could finger your pussy.
“Oh, my god.” You cried into your hands before falling back against him again. You uncovered yourself so you could kiss him instead. Pressing a hungry kiss to his mouth.
It was too much. Him doing both at the same time. You were trying to hold your moans in, but it was hard which is why his kiss just got deeper. Your cunt felt like it was weeping from what he was doing to you. It was way too much.
You were so damn tight. Like he’d dipped his fingers in velvet. While he rubbed your clit. You couldn’t hold your noises in, making you pull him away from him. He stared at you with a smile on his face because you looked so pretty all desperate. “You wanna cum for me?” He asked into your ear. “Wanna cum for Daddy?”
You whimpered, but still nodded because he was right you were so damn close. Hips still angled so you could feel his bulge underneath you. You needed it inside of you so bad.
You grabbed at his cock through his jeans. Needing to feel it in your hands. “You want this, huh. I could take you home and fuck you like a proper girl, but you want me to dick you down at work like a slut,” he said whispered in your ear, taking the hand that was rubbing your clit away so he could stuff his fingers in your mouth.
You moaned around them. Tasting yourself. Moaning as he found your g-spot while he still fingered you. You cried out as he made you cum all over his hand. Eyes rolling to the back of his head.
“That’s it, Baby. Make a mess for me. I want everyone to know when I leave who makes you cum.” He moved to your clit now rubbing it just the way you liked it was driving you crazy.
When your orgasm finally subsided, you got up so you could turn around in his lap. Now that you were facing him he kissed you hard. Grabbing at your ass.
You moved your hips. Looking down at the wet spot you’d left on jeans. “Oh, Daddy,” you whimpered. “You feel so good.”
“That’s it, Honey.”
You chuckled. “You think you’re so fucking funny.”
He laughed reaching between you so he could finally start to undo his pants. “What it’s cute.”
When you finally got to sink down on his dick, you cried out. You felt so full. Like he’d filled you to the brim.
You tossed your head back with your eyes screwed shut as he lifted you up and down his dick. It felt so damn good. You needed it so badly. Needed him to fill you up with his cum.
“You look at me when I fuck you,” he demanded. Grabbing a fistful of pink hair so you were forced to look at him. You opened your eyes so they could meet his. Biting your lip to keep for being too loud again. “This is my pussy don’t you ever forget it.”
“Yes, Daddy. It’s yours,” you breathed trying to not be too loud. “I don’t let anyone else touch me like you do.”
“Yeah?” He asked. “That’s my good fucking girl.” He groaned.
“You’re gonna make me cum again,” you cried because he was so damn thick.
“Cum for me,” he said into your ear making you tingle.
You buried your head into his shoulder as you did. With your pussy walls gripping him like that you couldn’t stop yourself as you started to milk him. Triggering his own orgasm as he captured your lips in another kiss.
“You two, out!” Your bosses voices almost made you jump out of your skin.
“No I’m okay!” You said. “He, um...” you tried to think of a lie. “Because he paid so much I...”
“I’m not running a brothel here.” He glared at you. “You get your shit and get out of my club. Honey, you’re fired.”
He was waited for you outside. Leaning against his Camero. You’d changed back into your sweats. He smiled seeing your normal hair. That bright makeup wiped off. Sad because he was actually really enjoying see you all overly sexed up. “Guess you don’t have to worry about dating a stripper anymore.”
He sighed. “I’m sorry,” he said before kissing you.
“It’s okay,” you replied with a shrug.
“Why don’t you come live with me? You won’t have to worry about rent. Or anything.” He chuckled.
“You wanna be my sugar daddy?” You laughed.
“No. I mean sure, but I wanna be your boyfriend. Do things like protect you and take care of you. Is that okay?”
You looked up at him through your eyelashes. “You have to promise me something first,” you said.
“Anything,” he said, grabbing your hands so he could pull you to him.
“Just when the news hits over us, you’ll fight for me. Won’t let your crazy fans treat me to badly.”
He chuckled. “I will personally tell off every single one of them.” He wrapped his arms around you, kissing the top of your head. “Want me to take you home?”
“Yeah I got picked up by one of the girls,” you said. “My place or yours?”
He chuckled. “Ours.” He smiled before kissing you softly.
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