#i mainly play for the story but id still like to understand what im doing | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

klgirlsstuff · 2 months

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When I was 10 years old (this is as far back as I can remember coherently and clearly), I used to live with my Aunty in a house in Farmborough. I lived with my cousins, who were all pretty, and mainly girls. But this story revolves around one who was the youngest, but then older then me. She was 15 at the time. I remember when my mother used to run my bath, it was my favourite time, The smells of bath oils and scents and the toys I used to play with brought me great pleasure. I (funnily) used to wear underwear in the bath as I had grown up doing this since I used to live in central america and we had to bathe in the river.

This was a regular occurence, and I look back at it and still get a raging erection. My younger cousin Anneta used to come in while I was in the bath, and use the toilet. Sometimes she would even get in to have a bath with me. My mother thought nothing of this, as we were too young to really do anything. Or so she thought,she left us completely alone. Whenever she got on the toilet, I used to get excited. Looking at her naked hips as she leaned forward. And listening to her wee trickling down the seat. I always used to say to her, "Why cant you wee standing up?" and she used to laugh and come close to me and say ; "This is why" and push her little split in front of my face. I used to laugh and thought nothing of it. But I know my little penis was always hard.

In the bath there was always a set of bath paints, which I used to use to draw funny faces on myself. But it was my favourite when Anneta came in, as she used to sit with her back to me and let me draw on her back. She had to guess what I was drawing. She never had any knickers on, and I loved to get as close as I could to her, with my knees up against her bum.

This particular time she was in the bath, I had been restless all day. Id had a hard on for 2 hours, and though I didnt know how to masturbate yet, my instinctive urges TOLD me there was something I had to do to feel so good or better. Little did I realise this was the night I would find out. It started out by using the bath paints, but for some reason this time I sat with my legs around Anneta's naked body. And I found my little hard on was getting very big and swollen. I had no hair then and the tip of my penis was wonderfully sensitive and erogenous, and knowing now if I had rubbed it 3 times then I would have come everywhere. I found that it had nestled into the split of her bum, and then she said; "Mm your pretty big for a little boy arent you. You shouldnt be getting excited you know its naughty." I had no idea what she was talking about, but all of a sudden I started rubbing against her bum crack. "Ohh keep doing that" she said with a little moan, it felt so good. I remembered the feeling though not as good, like when I used to be in class and the teacher told us to do some work, and if I didnt understand I used to squeeze my legs together and it made everything feel better.

She then turned round, which was unusual because she had always been very good and never shown me her front body before. She pulled my pants off, and I didnt resist, because she was older and maybe she knew how to make me feel amazing. "Mmm you've got no hair on your fat little cock" she said. Then she lied down so she was on her belly in the bath and her legs were up and I could see her pretty pink soles of her feet. Id always found them attractive, even when I was that age. Just then she suddenly bent down and kissed the top of my dick. "Ooh it tastes salty", then she squeezed it really hard. Im sure I orgasmed there and then but because it was my first time I could have done it so much more. She gasped as some clear fluid came out, which she promptly smeared over her hand, then took it up and licked it off with her young little tongue. I hadnt started developing sperm yet, and it is clear as water.

Then Anetta took my cock in her mouth, the feeling of her warm tongue against the base of my sensitive glans felt

#malaysia vandi #vandi punde #lancap punggung #punggung mantap #bahan lancap #rogol #lucah melayu #pepeksedap #malaygirl #melayunakal

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ticklishfiend · 2 months

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um long irl tickle story because i’m tweaking out rn 😀

so i’ve got this friend who is also not Just A Friend and it’s complicated LMFAO anyways, we’ve done kink play stuff before so we know everything each other is into. obviously this means they know i’m real big into tickling fjskjf (which no, is not purely sexual for me lol. neither of us are very sexual people, kink isn’t always abt sex and i think more people in this community need that to register in their brains LOL)

ANYWAYYS so i dont think they know Just how into it i am, like they dont even know abt this blog but im slowly working up the courage to tell them abt it bc i know they wouldnt be weirded out (im just shy LOL). so bc they dont rlly know how big of a thing this is for me, they’ve never Really tickled me before.

now, i’ve tickled them. plenty actually lol. it’s super fun and i love tickling them sosososo much bc they’re reactions are so cute and they’re really good at holding still lol. but anytime they’ve tickled me, it’s mainly just like a poke here or a squeeze there, nothing for real yknow.

which is like. it’s fine. but every time they do it i get skyrocketed into the biggest lee mood for like days on end and usually i get too embarrassed to tell them dhsjndjsg

but the other day i actually decided to tell them how much it affected me. we had both spent the night at a friends house, and at every sleepover when its time for bed, our other friend goes to her room and then its just the two of us alone in the living room. we were high the other night and cuddling, and they kept teasing me by making claw hands and wiggling their fingers at me (i’ve told them before it flusters me So Bad when they do it and now they’re just relentless with it 😭😭), they poked me a few times like usual but also kept quickly skittering their fingers on my foot which they’ve never done before and dhsjjdjdf i was too high i was losing my mind

so that was it, but the next day when i got home i texted them telling them they were so evil for that bc now im feeling crazy. they found that hilarious and teased me abt it for a minute 😭 so i thought that was the end of it bc they rarely tease me too much (im mainly the dom in our relationship so i can understand why lol)

but then. but then.

my friend group went hiking all day today, so when we got back to my friends house we were pretty beat. me and my friend were cuddling on the couch watching tv, but they just kept. poking. me. i felt crazy LMFAO

so ofc bc im me, i was tickling back! i’m more deliberate with my tickles, so i kept squeezing their side and poking places i know they’re ticklish at. they ofc kept making wiggly hands at me, but atp im like so lee and it’s not enough 😭

so. i called them a coward! (teasingly, ofc). i didn’t get specific cause our other friends were right there and id rather they not know abt it LMAO but this main friend knew what i was talking about. they were playing all offended, trying to defend themselves, but they kept not actually tickling me so ofc i kept calling them a coward hehehe

so later tonight once we were at our own houses, we text each other almost immediately. ofc because i was feeling super lee after all that i told them i was (playfully) mad at them for teasing me earlier

they started defending themself again saying they aren’t a coward, so i texted back with “always threatening but never actually does anything about it 🥱 coward behavior to me”

they texted back with “when i come over tmrrw its over. im gonna get you”

😨 WHAAAATRTSJS

AAAAHHHHHH

i was. freaking out LMFAOOO

they kept teasing me back and forth about it and i am STILL losing my mind and that was hours ago 😭😭

we’re hanging out tmrrw night and yall. yall idk if i can HANDLE ITFNFKD we’re spending the night like we always do so once we’re alone and ALSO HIGH AGAIN………bitch i can’t my stomach just turned a flip thinking about it omfg

anyways yeah sorry i know this was long but this little back and forth on “will they ever actually tickle me” has been going on for almost a YEAR now so im justifiably freaking out abt it LMFAOO

i’m also taking my driving test for my license tmrrw before we hang out so let’s hope i don’t start thinking abt tickles and crash the car 👍

#tickle community #tickling #irl tickles #irl story #personal

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disenchantedif · 1 year

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may i ask for more information about the magical society and human society?? im confused by it, sorry. mainly in how the magical community is so tight-knit and huddles its people into magical spaces (like you said theres only one magical college in this area?). like id like to hear more about that, especially since i assume through chekov's gun that humans/hiding from them is going to be important later? i apologize if i am nearing spoilers. i ask because it's part of why i decided to play a banshee, because they look so human, that i assume having more human-passing characters would be advantagous to the team haha

(i guess i could just be confused in the sense that i am misreading, in which case i apologize. i hope i am not missing the mark totally in what ive processed about this world's lore and relationship with humans)

id also like to hear about why the characters are designed like they are in the sense of "why not more monstrous, why are they so human-looking naturally?" at first I assumed it was because of glamors but then i realized then that Vik would have no horns and Theo no wings and so on with glamors activated. and im asking out of genuine curiosity, not judgement or entitlement; i love character design so im curious why you decided on this relatively high percentage of humanness over a lower (really monster them up basically) or even higher (like Harry Potter and the like where everyone's human, even nonhumans really) percentage. because it seems like theyd still need glamors to interact with humans outside of their secret-society to cover up several traits, but also they wouldn't need much. in most stories i read or urban fantasy, it's either Harry Potter No Glamors Needed We All Pass As Humans™️ or its something where characters have a really monstrous true design that looks very little like their human-glamor-disguise form. what you decided is neither of those things, so im really curious what made you decide that because i dont see it often! (/tone indicactor: i swear to god i dont mean for this to sound critical, im just curious and i think i worded this well enough to convey that im only feeling curiosity but i SUPER apologize if my tone implies judgement)

admittingly, i am more of a monster-fucker than most so i am more used to Katee Robert's The Dragon Bride, if not a full-on dragon love-interest, than i am a dragon like Viktor haha but, again, i do like your designs! im just curious on why that percentage of humanness, basically, in addition to my aforementioned question about this magical society's relationship with humans. your desired percentage reminds me a lot of X-Men's typical idea of mutants (like more Wolverines and Cyclopses over Beasts and Nightcrawlers, if that makes sense) which is oddly nostalgic for me, it makes me miss the X-Men cartoons i used to watch hahaha

So, when it comes to the different supernaturals, you have to understand that there are far more humans in the world. That means a lot of intermixing and typically a lot more human genes as a result.

As I’ve said before, there are totally cambion that are literally half demon (typically they have horns and their eyes are fully black, etc.) and draca with more dragon blood (Vik’s mom is fully human so he and his siblings don’t have wings and the more prominent draca traits aside from horns and slitted pupils).

Sirens are probably the most “supernatural” looking, because of the eyes that glow in the dark, the gills, the claws, the sharp teeth. That’s also because siren pods are more secluded groups that really only interacts with other pods.

As for the magical society’s relationship with humans, the obviously supernatural looking individuals do require glamour as humans at large are not aware of the supernatural.

For example; if an assault or murder were to happen on college grounds, supernatural police officers would be contacted over human police officers due to pre-existing placements on police forces across the world.

The Council, which is the supernatural governing body in each country, has their own officers within the police force that use magic to ensure the continued safety of other supernaturals (though keep in mind the police can still be just as corrupt as the institutions they serve, magical or not).

They use things like mind manipulation and the like to ensure they can detain supernaturals safely to reduce human casualties while maintaining the secrecy of their world.

However, human standards and morals have long since infiltrated the supernatural community. It’s why nephilim are so trusted despite the majority of the old families being corrupt politicians. It’s an interesting relationship to be certain.

#answered asks #lore #species info

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yuuli-xiv · 5 months

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abt roleplay

i have basically not roleplayed at all since i broke away from the cat guy but im still a bit salty about the fact that a thing i only realized now is that every single interaction id had with both him and others at that point was primarily focused on how people acted toward eachother, centering mainly around how they navigated attractions and divorced from most other situations. only the scenes i initiated for my personal lore sharing were about what they actually were and what function they served in the setting.

not only that but he even had a strange away of understanding attractions and interpersonal relationships both in and out of character. his character only started treating the one of mine he was dating with affection after i directly asked him to, which he did relent to but not without telling me "sex acts are a form of affection" or something similar to that. it was a bit unusual for me.

but additionally like being a cat person played absolutely no part in any single interaction, and this extended to different alts of different races. and there were many such cases where the basics were not at all acknowledged. professions? irrelevant. upbringing? irrelevant. personal belief systems? irrelevant. goals and ambitions? irrelevant.

the only relevant information in these roleplays were sexual orientation and whether or not you could get away with treating someone badly or being disingenuous for the comedy value of doing so. that was it. its given me quite the distaste for snarky rogue types.

im at a point where i dont feel anything about the cat guy anymore, could never talk to him again but theres no malice at this point, im just frustrated at the lack of creativity that was being put forth even though i was engaging with these roleplays for several-hour-long sessions. turns out writing about sex is not rewarding for me at all lmao

compared to what im doing with my current partner its a night-and-day difference. i was looking for story. i was looking for stakes. i was looking to build upon and develop my characters. and i have gotten all of that in spades. even when we go long swaths of just not working with these characters at all i still feel satiated, i dont have that gnawing hunger for these things anymore because it doesnt feel so far out of reach now.

when i asked the cat guy about any of those things, i got these stories about how we needed to set aside "planning time" and how he was too exhausted from putting effort into running his dnd campaign to put effort into those things for me, and the "planning time" never came around in the end. our time together was near exclusively erotic roleplay that he "didnt have to think about" and was using to unwind.

i cant really begrudge him that but i wish he had been transparent about it from the beginning so i had never set up these expectations at all, heck i didnt even know what i was consenting to the first time we roleplayed and he kept saying "consent is key" before he started fingering my character lmao. i think that is why it confused me that he felt so heartbroken when it all ended… even if i do feel bad i still dont understand.

is... this an allosexual thing? am i too demisexual to sound normal here? was this something i should have expected all along? i just dont know.

i wouldnt make this post at all ordinarily but i cant let go of it if i dont talk about it somewhere. will probably nuke this when spring rolls around

#🍳

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flecks-of-stardust · 3 years

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I Ramble About My Video Game Experiences. Please Don’t Kill Me

i am starkly aware i am swinging a bat at a hornet’s nest here but i need to get the thoughts out okay

anyway tldr this is me rating the video games that ive played and left a lasting impression on me. the scale is from 0 to 10, with 0 being ‘how did this game even get the funding to be produced’ and 10 being ‘this game is amazing and i cannot critique anything in it.’ so neither of those numbers are going to appear, but youll know what my rating mechanic is lmao. without further ado:

Hollow Knight

starting with the bug game that started this blog. probably a solid 9/10 or 8.5/10. yes im biased, shut up. hollow knight’s a really solid game in a lot of aspects: the lore is really well fleshed out and links up well, the gameplay is a delight, the progression is smooth and pretty friendly to players new to the genre (hi), and i like that you kind of have a parallel of the player choosing their own path in tandem with what the knight is doing. its a lovely experience, and how the lore is structured gives the fans Tons of avenues to explore, which is Great.

however. because i overthink everything, the little inconsistencies in lore do bother me (the light shafts?? in greenpath???? what is up with the dirt carvers and the carver hatchers. why do the devouts have scythes for masks. actually, why do deepnest things have masks. because as far as im aware deepnest isnt actually part of hallownest??), and i do wish we’d gotten a Little more confirmation about some lore, but that’s just me. my biggest issue is how deepnest is depicted; im not too happy about how it’s talked about. which, like. i might just be nitpicking, but im rather wary of anything that depicts an external civilization that is also described as ‘brutal’ or beastlike, and being otherwise uncivilized and/or primitive. there Is nuance here, it’s entirely possible a lot of the structures in deepnest broke down over time and the distant village is all that survived, but im still on guard when it comes to this. its no secret that i resent how hallownest/the mantises evidently treated the citizens of deepnest, so im aware im a little biased here as well. but yeah, thats my main issue here.

Bug Fables

the other bug game! 8/10. lovely story, great gameplay, stunning writing of the characters, very interesting premise. i definitely found the gameplay in bug fables a lot easier to pick up than that of hollow knight, but that’s kind of a given with how the combat is structured in bug fables. there’s a lot of complexity that i was not aware was going to be in a game that looks the way bug fables does, which i adore. i also Really like the meta details scattered throughout the game, but im just a sucker for those asdkfgkjs

i have similar complaints for bug fables as i do for hollow knight, but its even worse in bug fables. i resent the way the devs handled the leafbug tribe, and i do not understand the way the lore about them was set up. there was frankly no reason for them to ambush team maki and team snakemouth when yin was emerging from her pupa, and as a result that mission just leaves a bad taste in my mouth. the whole thing reeks of barely veiled racism and anti-indigenous sentiment. i really wish the devs had taken more of a ‘they dont understand what’s going on, particularly with the language barrier’ route instead of just. ooga booga fight these random bugs that showed up for no reason other than the fact theyre convenient antagonists. :/

the lore of bug fables is also a little... odd. it works out well enough, but when you poke at it a little too much it crumbles a little. mainly the timeline of things seems. off? but, whatever. that’s more nitpick territory. i still love the game (even if i highly distrust the devs)

Ori and the Blind Forest

my first platformer! blind forest holds a very special spot in my heart because of that. id never played anything like this before blind forest, and honestly im very glad this was my first platformer; it probably would have gone Really differently if it had been hollow knight instead lmfao. id pin this as 9/10, for all the lovely things about it: the smooth gameplay, the graphics, the story, and. fuck man. ori’s cute FDKGJSKJ for a game with limited dialogue, the story ties together really well, and the lore doesn’t have many loose ends that i can think of. the concept of the spirit tree is really interesting too.

the major thing id complain about would be the combat, something i think basically everyone has bitched about at this point. you wanna fight something? button mash until your finger falls off. and then sein kinda zaps whatever it is. thats it. you can also attack with stomp and i think charge dash, but you dont get stomp until pretty far in and charge dash is... clunky. dash isnt even a required ability. blind forest does focus heavily on platforming though, so i cant complain too hard. i also have to specially mention sorrow’s pass, because wow i fucking Hated that area! i died so many times!!!!! playing on keyboard in sorrow’s pass Sucks! but the love i have for the ginso tree escape sequence makes up for it sfkjgjks

Ori and the Will of the Wisps

i was reluctant to start will of the wisps after blind forest but holy Fuck am i glad i did. its... i have to say its a better game than blind forest in a lot of ways. moon studios really improved on a Ton of things that blind forest lacked in. id probably pin this as 9/10 as well, but i have to rave about the combat. i mean at least compared to blind forest, the combat is an absolute fucking Delight. slashing with spirit edge really feels like you have a sword, and the heft that spirit smash has when ori swings it is just,,,,,, mwah. so good. and those are just the two weapons im most fond of; the spike, while not the best in terms of energy cost, is really fucking cool as well.

special mention to the various glitches people have discovered for this game >:3 or more like exploits, its not all glitches (though there was a whole thing people dedicated to glitches a while back and it was Amazing. wotw is horribly easy to glitch and its Hilarious), and sentry jump is more of an exploit. like who needs launch when you can sentry jump?? you get more height than launch too in some cases i think, and you can get it Really early on. hell yeah. ori go YEET

its 9/10 because of a few gripes i have with the story. i do wish that shriek had gotten a happier ending; i do understand the message that was woven into the story, but still. baur paints it as like... he almost says its impossible for her to change? which. bleh. that’s not true, and its a little icky with the background i have. id have loved to be able to show shriek the love and care she so clearly craved, even if she outright rejected it. i dont think stopping seir from fucking blasting her into cooked owl counts, really, though i guess that could be argued about.

the other gripe is ku’s wing. i cannot find the words to describe the sheer delight i felt at the clear depiction of ku as disabled. her wing is busted, and she can’t fly. and she wants to, so so desperately, but she can’t. that sort of narrative is,,, disgustingly rare? and i was so excited about it. but then in the end they had ori do a magic tada! wing fixed! on her and :| i just wish it had been something like. ku learning to accept that loss, while also working to find some sort of accommodation that would allow her to fly for short periods. i mean if the feather worked well enough to let them fly to niwen then damn, im sure gumo could figure something out with a leaf or some shit. but no, just. magic away the disability. :/

i still adore the game though. the story that will of the wisps tells is a little cemented in, and the gameplay is pretty linear (though a little less so than that of blind forest). so i guess these two things wouldnt have fit in too well, but idk. i just wish, yknow.

Oriverse (both games as a whole)

not gonna say much here, but i did want to put this in. still 9/10 for the franchise in its entirety. there Is the weird,, protag gets amnesia and loses all their abilities that sequels to games like these have, but eh. its fine. ori just got a concussion /s the story connects pretty well across the two games, even if the worldbuilding is pretty different. the deal with seir is a liiiiiittle odd, but it works well enough. the graphics are just,,,,, holy god will of the wisps is so beautiful. but blind forest isnt far behind!

just. idk. i love this franchise so much. and its my first ever, so im biased. i highly recommend playing them both, but uh. wotw might fry your computer if its not strong enough. the graphics are just that powerful asfkjdgkjkjs

Rain World

this is where im probably gonna have people breathing down my neck but. 7/10. and i have very specific reasons why.

gameplay wise? wonderful! rain world really drives home that feeling of being hunted and being small and weak and defenseless. it advertised that and it fucking delivered it, and its great. theres also a lot of complexity to what you can actually do in the game; turtle toad’s videos have me in constant awe and slight fear. the design for slugcat is pretty unique, and honestly i really love that we’re canonically crawling through pipes. it adds a lot of realism and i guess staying power to the world, which is already fascinating and nicely fleshed out. the combat is very interesting too tbh. lots you can do with just a rock and a spear. its just... it sure is a survival sim. it sure fucking is, and i love it for that

however i have Big issues with the way the difficulties are structured. im not gonna comment on hunter, especially since ive never even finished hunter, but i will complain endlessly about monk. it’s supposed to be the easy mode, and its definitely much more of a breeze than survivor. but i resent that the lore pearls get their data wiped. the canonical explanation for that is that too much time has passed between survivor and monk for the data to remain, but then couldnt the same be said of hunter and survivor? unless those two did their journeys back to back, which i kind of doubt considering how much more aggressive the creatures in hunter are. it just feels like theyre punishing people for playing on easy, and im not a fan of that.

theres a smattering of other things too. the map is. weird. and kind of difficult to use. also i dislike the bare bones of a tutorial the game gives you (seriously, why are you not told how to switch items from hand to hand or how to use the stomach pouch? i dont understand the reasoning for leaving those to be discovered on your own), but i guess you could argue that it adds to the survival simulator experience, idk. my biggest issue would probably be the lore, actually. this is me nitpicking about writing, but the progression of the story confuses me. you’re presented with a world that is not built for you, and youre just surviving the best you can as a little animal. youre told repeatedly, through the gameplay, that you are not the protagonist. you are barely even a speck of dust in their story. you are irrelevant in every way, and yet. you make your way into five pebbles’ chamber, and he tells you in no uncertain terms to do what he cant: find the void sea and leave this world, with its endless cycles of death and rebirth. and its like. im just. im just an animal. why are you angsting at me?? and now the story takes a weird left turn where youre now suddenly relevant, and its your goal now to find the void sea? like what happened to ‘this world is not built for you?’ and idk its just weird to me. it works well enough, its just. five pebbles you are talking to the equivalent of a rat. what the fuck, dude.

i cant rate rain world Too harshly though, even if theres a bunch of things that i hate about it (cough the part of the community that insists that people just need to ~get good~ at the game. disabled people exist, fuck you <3). its still a lovely game and a very unique experience, its just definitely not for everyone. im glad i got to experience it, anyhow. i just have beef with certain things askdjfgkjs

Celeste

this GAME. MAN. this girl is so plural and trans, you have no idea. 9.5/10, i adore it. im sure others have raved about the accessibility of this game already, but i am So so grateful the devs added it, holy shit. this is honestly what i hope all games have? sure, im not playing the game as the devs intended, and they warn us of that on the assist mode screen. i just really like the agency that we as players are given to adjust the gameplay. so what if i slap invincibility mode on and just play it for the story? is that a bad thing? and also i will say that being given the ability to do that makes me Way way more likely to go back and play the game as intended. what’s easy for other people could be what’s difficult for me, and vice versa, and being able to set the difficulty level gives me way more room to practice and get better. hollow knight kind of does it similarly, with how it teaches you the combat, but its more of an indirect ‘pick your own difficulty’ sort of game. celeste is just... its your choice, in its entirety. and it is so liberating.

and then theres the story, which is Amazing. i got the game for the story only, tbh, and i dont regret it. the depiction of madeline’s anxiety is really nice tbh, and it was all handled really well, particularly with the character development of both madeline and badeline (also again: plural!!!!! holy shit!!!!!!!!!!!!) i know this story was written at least partially from personal experience though, i think? which just makes me appreciate it more honestly, and im glad that people are making this sort of media. im driven by very similar things with my own creations, and its nice to see others getting this sort of success with their work.

theres no real gripe i have with the game tbh. just minorly complaining that its really difficult without assist mode, but like. honestly that’s not really a bad thing, i just suck at platforming LMAO. it Has been a while since ive played through the game though, so idk. celeste is just so good

in any case, highly recommend!!! celeste my beloved <3

Oxygen Not Included

and last but not least, oni, the game that ive sold my soul to at this point. oh shit im nearly at 420 hours NICE

but thats 400+ hours ive sunk into this game, and im never getting them back. and im planning to put More in. it scratches so many of the itches i have: its a very science based game, very logic based one, i get to oversee a little colony of fucking idiots that KEEP TRYING TO FENCE THEIR HEADS INTO BLOCKS, but i love them so its. okay. i guess. and i also get to decorate and design and Create. it keeps me on my toes, but its never always in my face, and its like. infinitely replayable? which is So Good. im a sucker for anything cute, but this is cute and sciency and lets me have free reign over what to do. i love it. i love it So Much

theres honestly nothing i can find to critique it on. i havent even found all the lore yet, which is Wild. theres always stuff to do in this game and probably the only complaint id have is my own damn fault anyway? like if i launch the game and start playing im going to be there for at Least three hours. guaranteed. it just sucks me in so hard sfkghjks

i will say that its probably not for everyone? im just a nerd and i love games like oni, but its by no means an easy game. its a really fucking difficult one, actually, and ive had to look up so many tutorials to even get to where i am now with my abilities. the designs people come up with to do all sorts of shit are amazing, and when i finally figure out how to make my own im gonna feel really accomplished :)

10/10. i honestly cant shit talk anything about this game. it has my entire heart, please check it out askdjfgjkjk

tldr ive spent so much time on video games, oh my god. please someone play these as well so i can scream about them with you

#nooooo main tags on this #i do not want the rabid fans finding this #but also hi i have thoughts and recs #i generally recommend everything on this list! for different reasons #viddy gaem Good. so good #i remember being so scared to branch out from oni tbh. getting the oriverse games was a big step for me #im so glad i got them and im so glad i tried the other ones on this list #a lot of my thoughts really just center around two things tbh #1. is it racist?#2. is it accessible?#half the games here cant even touch 1 though safjkdgkjs

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iiasha-archived · 3 years

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genshin anon! yeah the sacrificial one can have the skill useable again after it's used! gosh i pull all the claymores :/ when i was doing some pulls to try to get homa, i got the wolf's gravestone instead AND i finally hit pity on my standard banner (i only use the free pulls on that) and got the freaking skyward claymore from it so.... yay.... guess xinyan can get a new claymore and if i ever pull diluc... ive got his claymore.... lol.

hihihi

(2/5) oo nice! id definitely give bennett a try then. i use him in spiral abyss but my normal healer is diona. but he does really good. yeah i agree ): from what ive heard honkai had the same type of update schedule and it worked for that so.. im sure whenever a new region comes out everyone will come back and it'll bring more people in? but yeah exploring is so much fun and we just have to wait all the time. it would be nice to have a bit more events in between.

(3/5) thanks! :D new update - pulled venti lol. i was guaranteed him since i pulled qiqi last AND i even got him early. and finally got razor too lol. and c2 sucrose. now to save for childe because i want him so bad. also @ your posts from yesterday, i also heard the rumor zhongli is coming back so 👀 need him for my polearm squad lol. how have you been enjoying the windblume festival?? and rip the 2 noelles you pulled :/ thankfully only got razor and sucrose so far... lol

(4/5) probably won't pull anymore to save for childe. since c2 sucrose is good and i have razor now. i enjoyed his playstyle. it definitely took a bit to get used to but i think by the end of his story quest i had it. aww i love bow users! haha. i love using polearms and bows the most. i walk around the world with xiao, hu tao, venti, and diona lol. yeah i can't wait to see that boss then!! more story!!! did you do the hangouts yet? i unlocked barbara and noelle but i haven't done them yet.

(5/5) ill do the hangouts once i get bored or something lol. yeah rosaria... lol. ill still try to get her (mainly since ill be trying to get childe) but.. hopefully we fid out she isn't as rude as she was in albedo's quest lol. she seems fun to play though from what ive seen. and yeah the most things you get are from ascending! but hp and def i think still increase pretty well while leveling up. attack doesnt change a whole lot just from leveling up.

ohhhh okay!! i think i have the bow version on fischl but that was because some guide told me to i didn’t actually understand what it meant jaskdfla omg nice!! the only 5 star weapon i have is the skyward sword who i just put on my most dps sword user at the moment lmao (currently bennet i guess)

and i am starting to get used to him!! actually between him, xingqiu, and chongyun i’m getting elemental reactions for days so it almost makes xiao the pointless member on my team now since he’s a pretty selfish character lmaoo once he gets to friendship level 10 i might swap him out again for a more support character like fischl and make bennet the main dps.

yeah!!! but i get they have to. program all the events ajsdkflaj in all honestly i think the rate they’re doing things is fine, but i do hope i don’t lose interest before another region comes out LMAO

YOU GOT VENTI I’M SO JEALOUS AGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG i don’t have the primogems so i might just stop after these noelle pulls jadsklfjakd or at least stop after getting sucrose who’s higher chance. tbh i don’t think i currently have a real use for venti aside from pairing him with someone like xiao ESPECIALLY if i do manage to get sucrose. i actually have 0 use for zhongli too but i’m in love with him so i’m saving everything i fucking have jakldsfja. i might pull once or twice on childe’s just to try to get rosaria at least, idrc about childe ajskdfladsf

i’m really really liking the windblume festival!!! maybe it’s not as like. pretty as liyue but the events are definitely WAY more fun ones that’s for sure. like even if i don’t get extra rewards some of them are just fun to play which is an indicator of like. a good minigame lmaooo. like the lyre/music one i really really want those perfect scores ajfskdl

i definitely like polearms and claymores the best! and as suggested earlier i walk around with whoever i’m trying to build friendship levels with while still having a balanced team so right now its xiao, bennet, xinqiu, and chongyun!! chongyun there bc the xinqiu/chongyun besties pair >>>>>>>>>>> for elemental reactions AND character stories lmao. i actually played chongyun’s hangout walking around as xinqiu which was funnier when chongyun mentioned xinqiu lmaoo.

i’ve done chongyun’s and barbara’s, i’m probably gonna do bennet’s next!! i like the hangouts, they do get a little tedious with the multiple endings but that’s the nature of these kinds of storyline-based games and i’m at least glad they give you the option to skip to certain parts of the story instead of restarting from the beginning (that would truly suck lmao). and at least you get rewards for each one.

lmaooo yup rosaria we’ll see... since she’s kind of featured i wonder if she’ll show up in the main storyline for the windblume festival like venti. but yeah she looks super fun to play, and since i love polearms + claymores and she’s a polearm user who looks like she fights like a claymore user i’m very 👀👀👀

#asks #genshin anon

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kirishwima · 4 years

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i just finished V's after ending (rip to my saved up hourglasses) and..hmm...hm...i have some Thoughts im gonna rant real quick before i forget bc i have the memory of a goldfish so if u wanna see my mad man's ramblings go ahead i guess, im on mobile so i cant add a read more right now orz

I got the forgive ending and...first up, i don't like the fact that there's a 'forgive' or 'judge' option. It feels so black and white and plays with one thing I hate-the use of mental illness as either an excuse or shield.

Rika is mentally ill. She has done unspeakable actions prompted by the delusions of her mental illness, further triggered by the enviroment she was in and the absoloute lack of help she received (look i love V he's my boo but...no, love cant solve anything. it can help sure but with mental illness especially delusional types like the one Rika suffers from requires pharmacotherapy and combined psychotherapy)

Rika has done bad things and is mentally ill-her mental illness EXPLAINS why she did what she did but does NOT excuse it. I'm fairly certain that if every person suffering from a psychiatric illness started a cult there'd be...well millions of cults. So yes, she can be 'forgiven' since she was likely unware of her actions (im not gonna get into the whole depiction of her mental illness here bc oof but let me just say-with my best guess being she suffers from delusional type of schizophrenia, her leaving and travelling around on her own without any support and suddenly, magically being ok is??!!!! so unrealistic???)

What she needs is help, proper support and YES, she needs to be held accountable for her actions especially once she's stable enough to recognise her wrong doings-which no, one does not just recognise through a magical dream of talking with god-they recognise through sessions of therapy with a trained medical professional to help them through it and with medication that can stabilise the dopamine levels in their brain.

And V travelling around for two years, that's fine and all but...there's some gaps?? like how did he go to Saeran and get him out after people went to mint eye and found out there was an explosion?? like...did no one see the one single still-standing room in the rubble??? im?? and what were they doing for two years??

and again-HERBS CAN'T CURE A DRUG WITHDRAWAL ESPECIALLY NOT WHEN ITS A COCKTAIL OF DRUGS LIKE WHAT SAERAN HAD BEEN TAKING THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS THAT CAN GO WRONG WHATS NEEDED IS PROPER HOSPITALISATION OFTEN WEEKS LONG TO MONITOR FOR SAID SIDE EFFECTS THAT CAN OFTEN BE LETHAL!

medical stuff aside bc i know thats just my own nit-picking: i did love Saeyoung's story although again, there's no explanation of...how Jumin's company survived bc lbr, would Rika's words be deemed more credible than a renounced politicians? With zero proof? And also what the everlasting heck happened to Vanderwood like?? We hear nothing from them after that one scene with Sae is Vanderwood ok??? Cheritz pls tell me our fav maid is safe and sound

also credit where its due-Saeyoung's despair over Saeran h u r t i legit cried, and i cried some more when the two reunited id been waiting for that and it made my heart Big Happy :')

I haven't played the judge ending and i dont think i will until after exams so i dont know if some of my questions are answered there but..jmmm

this last bit is just my own personal thing bc i never really liked the 'and they got married had kids and lived happily ever after' idea lol but this forgive ending felt....kinda bland tbh. I do adore V as a dad he's so cute im 🥺🥺 but i just...expected something different? idk what lol

anyway thats my midnight rambling on mysme for today-and please do let me state that i am in no wat bashing cheritz or the game, i adore mystic messenger and the wonderful characters we've all come to love, these are just my own personal thoughts on this route and are mainly influenced by the fact that im studying psychiatry right now lol. The only thing I do want to state is: for a solid 99% of the time, mental illness does not look like what is depicted through Rika. There's no magic realisation and suddenly everything is fine again. Like any somatic illness it's a struggle and requires treatment and professional help, and while of course recovery is possible, it requires effort and understanding. I'm mainly stating this again because it's completely understandable that some people may not know/think of this-that's why I just want to end with this so anyone playing through the game doesn't take it as fact of what mental illness recovery is like.

Anyway that's all lol ill add a read more once im on the pc if you read this far uhh im sending u an imminent hug also remember to drink water and take ur meds if u take any xoxo

#burrito talks #mysme #idk if i should tag mysme tho tbh lol #these r more like just my ramblings to make sense of tomorrow bc im too tired to be coherent rn

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madokasoratsugu · 5 years

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im new to shokugeki and i dont care about spoilers, why is it bad?

a no joke answer bc u deserve this:

tl;dr Shokugeki sucks because it lost its direction halfway through the story, and when Tsukada (the author) realised that he’d bitten off more than he could chew with such a huge cast of characters.

long answer:

here’s the thing. Shokugeki started out good.

it mostly played off the usual shounen tropes: a challenger would appear, but then they quickly joined the friendship circle, rinse and repeat. but with such a wide cast of characters with differing goals and personalities plus the high stakes of only the top 10% graduating, it made it easy to bank on the character interactions and friendships, which is what the first half of Shokugeki did, heavily so. and it worked !

it was a simple set up (protag aims to beat his dad in a cook off, goes to cooking school, meets friends and foes ! a tournament arc ! fun and shenanigans ! yay!), but Shokugeki did it good. it didn’t subvert any expectations, just did according to what it set out to do. nothing felt exaggerated beyond the typical manga stuff, and everything achieved was earned with hard work. with the occasional fluff and friends thrown in, it became a comfy mix for a good shounen manga.

if anything, id say that half the success came from the character’s relationships themselves - the plot wasn’t anything special, but the genuinity that the characters and their friendships and goals (shared or not) were treated with were wholesome and fun.

which is why it was so fucking jarring when it derailed by throwing aside half of its cast and completely stagnating all character development for the remaining half.

(insert infamous Central Arc expulsion joke here)

if you’ve started/are intending to start, id say its the most obvious after the Moon Banquet Festival Arc/beginning of Central Arc. the writing started getting sloppy, as did the handling of the characters. ive mentioned this before, and ill stress this again: i honestly believe that Central Arc is when Tsukada realised what a big miss steak he did in creating such a huge cast, and in the face of Shokugeki’s then success, made some poor authorial choices to keep the hype going (both plot and character wise).

for characters: half the cast was rid of via expulsion, including very competent chefs (which had no proper in canon explanation on how the fuck that happened) who happened to be fan favourites. i mean, Hayama Akira ? fuck, Nakiri Alice, anyone ? plus any poor remaining characters got shafted in lieu of Souma, hard. this became more prominent as the Arcs slowly go on, the ones of which took the worst brunt of it being Takumi and Megumi.

(what do u think is worse. your fav never getting a cameo or your fav being part of the forefront team but constantly getting fucked over because Souma didn’t get the spotlight of the chapter yet. vote now in the replies.)

for plot: higher and higher stakes were introduced that again, just didn’t make sense !! in Central Arc, Souma was expected to win against Eishi, the best chef in his entire school. when two arcs prior he just lost a cooking contest to two of his peers (placed third), and one arc prior struggled to beat Kuga in ticket sales (even then he didn’t win because his cooking was better, so. wasnt even a win on the cooking front). there was no build up ! NOT EVEN A TRAINING ARC. he just went straight from the bottom rung of the ladder to the fucking ceiling. super different from the first half of the series when everything would be shown in careful detail (best example i can think of off the top of my head being the Shokugeki against Mimasaka in the Autumn Election Arc).

also: in the midst of introducing Erina’s character arc and backstory, Tsukada seemed to completely forget (or maybe just didnt know how to link back?) that he’d already established an overarching plotline: Souma’s quest to best Jouichirou. so when Souma began overthrowing these foes that are his seniors said to be leagues ahead of him, the suspension of disbelief was stretching waaay thin. but hey ! its a shounen manga ! we can forgive this much (sarcasm).

then Tsukada introduces Asahi. mother fucking Asahi. who is basically introduced by beating Jouichirou without breaking a sweat, but oh boy did he break the suspension of disbelief right then and there and completely toss the plot into the fucking fire. because there’s no end goal anymore ! the one thing that our main character has been working so hard for ? non existent. pointless. this no name (at that time) character has done it, pack your bags boys, let’s go home.

(might i note that at this point, Shokugeki was also uuhh nothing like the slice of life comedy it originally was. it became an action-psychological mix that just…doesnt work. and i mean. of course it wouldn’t. there was no foreshadowing, the villians can’t be taken seriously because 1) theyre also teenagers for fuck’s sake 2) Azami’s just a creep, plain and simple. he has no depth. no one cares about an antagonist who’s bad at just being bad.

the themes it began with was completely set aside for really badly written character backstories and angsty edgey bs that i still don’t understand why Tsukada thought would work in retaining hype. especially when considering how pure the premise was.

i honestly also think that its the Blue Arc + Dark Chefs Arc when Tsukada actually realised that his plot had gone haywire, since volume sales were dropping hard and fans clearly hated the direction the series had gone in. but instead of trying to reign it back in, he decided to just let it run buckwild because he just didn’t know how to fix it.)

to rub salt into the wound: so many promised resolutions are shoved into the background, done offscreen, or worse yet, forgotten ! scenes that fans have literally been waiting for. Souma VS Erina Shokugeki. Souma VS Takumi Shokugeki. Nakiri Alice coming back to the series and actually fucking cooking again.

(im sure that there’s more that lead to its downfall but like. shrugs. this is mainly to me why it sucks: it had A Lot going for it (im not ashamed to admit that at one point i actually genuinely believed it could be one of the next Big 3 on Shounen Jump), and it just didnt live up to any of it for no other reason other than Tsukada mixing elements of a story that didn’t work well together, tried to force them to work, and did nothing to fix it when it didn’t.)

so our plot is gone. so are our lovable characters. so is the slice of life comedy that drew most people in in the first place. the potential that it had is now dust. what does Shokugeki have left that makes it unique, that makes people love it ? here’s the answer !

nothing.

that fact kicks you in the teeth every fucking time you remember how good the first half of the series was.

then that fact dropkicks you when you realise that Shokugeki no Soma literally started on a 90degree drop into a dumpster fire when the series was at the apex of its popularity and plot buildup.

that’s why it sucks.

#shokugeki no soma #shokugeki no souma #shokugeki still sucks. change my mind.#shady business #long post

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bi-dazai · 5 years

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2000 words on soukoku romance-coding in episode 26

i’ve talked a lot on here about how there’s a lot of romance-coding in the canon content featuring dazai and chuuya. here’s a rundown of my base theories here

i didnt add this in my original above post, but ill say now that diegetically chuuya and dazai are usually quite levelheaded and manipulative - both are the two youngest port mafia executives in history. even when dazai is annoyed with other characters (such as kunikida or atsushi) it is clear that he is play-acting. chuuya, meanwhile, is extremely level-headed and doesnt get upset at all - even when yosano and kenji appeared heavily armed. dazai is only slightly upset by shibusawa and dostoyevsky. the only person to genuinely get a rise out of both chuuya and dazai are each other. even so, their arguing has, from the beginning, been petty on the surface, yet upon reading into dialogue and animated/written/illustrated facial expressions show deep hurt at each others actions, particularly on their 4 year separation and dazai covering up his loyalty to chuuya by betraying his trust in episode 21.

i have two more points to add on concerning their non-diegetic relationship. firstly, that official merchandise and posters almost always depict chuuya and dazai either ogling each other (theres a trend of dazai ogling chuuya’s ass in particular) or doing something romantic together (for example there’s a poster where they are depicted hanging around together with no other characters near a christmas tree - christmas is considered a romantic holiday in japan. the same coding is given to many canon fictional couples in japan, and to another studio bones production pairing in bnha kiribaku, which has a similar level of gaycoding).

the second non-diegetic point you should understand about soukoku: it’s one of the most popular ships in japan, and japan’s anime industry tends to be a lot more open about showing same-sex relationships/gay-coding than the west is.

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and for a note on my authorship - i admit that i do ship soukoku, and that this gives me a bias. i am also bisexual and am much more sensitive to noticing homoeroticism than many straight audiences. however, to counter this point id like to clarify that it takes a lot to make me believe a same-sex ship has even the slightest chance of being canon. also, id like to say that i am an author in my second year of a creative writing degree and my first year of a film studies minor. these degrees both involve analysing text within production and authorial context (a lot...). in my free time i read a lot of papers and articles on the production context and general views of lgbt representation in different countries’ media, in particular the usa, australia, and japan. i consume every piece of media i view with an intensely critical eye and i specialise in connected diegetic elements with non-diegetic elements in terms of production, authorial, and social context

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*NOTE* im going to be doing things out of order here for no other reason than that i realised them in that order as i thought about the episode analytically

today i want to talk about something extremely specific that came up in episode 26, and it has to do with the use of symbolism and shot composition. it’s just a short, short sequence but to me it speaks volumes, both for their canon relationship and their coded romantic relationship.

specifically this sequence. this is just one shot and to me it portrays soukoku’s dynamic as explicitly romantic in a mise-en-scene sense.

before we like to go in, id like to clarify that the dialogue doesnt matter - it’s mainly expository stuff.

the first sc is the first shot we see of dazai and chuuya ‘alone’ in this scene. it’s unclear where mori is exactly. even though mori is clearly orchestrating the two of them and this entire scene’s dialogue, he isn’t in this shot until the very end. this defines the soukoku relationship, as well as their first meeting being entirely incidental, as being something that was supposedly orchestrated by mori but on a deeper level something they created and grow themselves. it is their relationship from the beginning, not mori’s. even though we know that mori is orchestrating this, we are told that this story will be about chuuya and dazai, not mori’s plans. along with that, it’s also the first shot of open sky we get in this scene, and it’s with just chuuya and dazai looking at each other, silent. it’s open and refreshing and new, but there’s something there already - which i will discuss now.

so. let’s talk about the vapour trail. the vapour trail has no real relationship to the scene or story at all. it would be perfectly logical to just place clouds here, or even place the vapour trail somewhere else. but this vapour trail is very specifically placed to form an arrow to comes from dazai’s heart and reaches towards chuuya, passing over mori’s head narrowly. mori watches the trail, dazai and chuuya watch each other. mori knows the middle part - that they will be tied together to be a device of violence of his own making. but at the other ends dazai and chuuya are tied together in a way that goes above and below mori’s knowledge. this symbolises their future together, and indicates a subtextual level to their dynamic.

the choice i want to focus on here, however, is the choice to have this arrow reach from dazai’s heart. as a writer, if i was trying to symbolise the general strategic soukoku dynamic i would have this arrow go from dazai’s head (the brains) to chuuya (the recipient and conductor of dazai’s plans). in fact, i have a dynamic im writing right now that is similar to this, in which one is defense and one is agility. however, these two also end up in a same-sex romantic relationship together later on. in order to code and foreshadow this, as well as add romantic subtext, often when using symbology i adjust my symbols to fit a romantic context subtly. as an author myself, this shot is a clear hint of adjusted symbolism in order to code dazai’s feelings for chuuya.

and if i’m to read further, i would even say that the fact that the arrow flies over chuuya’s head suggests that dazai currently has romantic feelings for chuuya that chuuya does not yet return (but comes to, something that i have discussed in my linked post above).

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secondly, tumblr user @cream-and-punishment made a fun joke post about dazai and chuuya “exchanging wedding vows” at their first meeting. firstly, it’s funny as fuck and when i first saw the post my reaction was just “haha it does sound like that!”. however, i keep looking at that post, keep returning to the script and that scene, and my reaction is now “wow. it does sound like that. like. exactly what soukoku wedding vows sound like. huh.”

for the lazy here’s the script (translated by the funimation subtitle team):

Dazai: You’re a cocky, overconfident child. You’re the kind of person I hate the most.

Chuuya: And I hate condescending pricks like you more than anything in this world.

and because im thorough, i ignored my english subs and listened the original japanese script as well (with my limited japanese to basically check for anything that could be translated differently or means something in japanese that is culturally untranslatable). what i found was that the english subs are right, and capture the original lines quite well.

dialogue can function as a tool for multiple results. in this two-line exchange, neither of the lines are meant as views into the character’s true interiors. instead, the purpose of this interchange is meant to be foreshadowing, specifically into the fact that this is how chuuya and dazai spend the rest of their relationship (up until the current point in the canon manga plot) expressing their opinion towards each other. it mirrors the kind of dialogue we see in episode 10 in which dazai and chuuya’s dialogue works as exposition for their past and their base dynamic, and here it is used to foreshadow what is considered backstory in the main plot (if that makes any sense?).

however, chuuya’s response to dazai is where im interested. im gonna pull my writer’s card here and say that if i was, again, just foreshadowing hatred and frustration as well as cooperation, i would cut chuuya’s line to something like this:

Chuuya: And I hate condescending pricks like you the most/just as much/etc.

“more than anything in this world”, of course, could just be incidental. but considering how a lot of soukoku’s dialogue is clearly double-entendre (read my original post linked above), it makes me consider a second option: that we are already putting that romantic double-entendre into their dynamic. if we refer to the future soukoku dynamic, in particular in episode 21, we are shown multiple times that chuuya genuinely cares for dazai’s well-being (secondary to rimbaud’s hat of course hahaha). chuuya would be genuinely upset if dazai died, and its implied (though still up to interpretation as opposed to the explicitness of chuuya’s shown feelings, however i would argue that dead apple is fairly explicit in dazai’s trust and feelings) the vice versa is also true.

going off that, often how both of them express concern for each other is by making ‘hateful’ comments towards each other. in episode 9, it’s clear there is uncomfortable tension in the room. there is 4 years of unspoken confusion lingering and chuuya is clearly, clearly upset. so dazai, in referencing an unchanging nature of what makes them them, calls back to one of his first mocking entries - how short chuuya is. it’s funny and it’s mocking, but the blows they trade are familiar and even when theyre brawling, despite being on opposite sides they take genuine pleasure in each others company. considering both of their personalities and histories as well as their trauma, both of them tend to struggle with interpersonal relationships and opening up. but chuuya and dazai canonically feel comfortable with each other, and know how to read each other well enough to both bounce off each other while also understanding what lies beneath.

so when chuuya says something like “i hate you more than anything in this world” we are pulled back to the present (in the plot), where chuuya says these things but moments later is concerned or worried for dazai’s wellbeing. chuuya in this line prioritises dazai as the foremost person in his life within minutes of meeting each other. diegetically (to the characters) we know this is them exchanging tense negotiation. non-diegetically (to what we know of the script and their future, as well as this entire exchange being mostly foreshadowing), we are clearly meant to interpret this to mean that chuuya will, eventually, hold dazai to be incredibly important to him, and vice versa.

of course, we also have the fact that the phrase “more than anything in this world” is yet another soukoku romantic double-entendre. as i mentioned with things such as “the silent treatment” and mentioning drinking heavily when someone abruptly leaves you, it’s clear that these are used almost entirely as romantic tropes. i’ve discussed this before so i wont get too much into it, but just say that this scene adds yet another line to that long list of soukoku double-entendres.

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considering at least the first 3 episodes will be related to exploring the soukoku backstory, ill be trying to post an analytic of soukoku for each episode of the 15 adaptation. furthermore, these posts won’t be explicitly about the potential of canon romantic chuuya/dazai, but will analyse soukoku scenes in a focus that i see fit for each episode. whether this is examining it like this post again, or examining it for foreshadowing or cinematographic details etc, will be decided once i watch each episode.

anyway lol! yet another rambling analytical of something nobody cares about haha

#long post #skk #soukoku #double black #bsd #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #damn i feel like a hack fraud tagging for attention but i wrote all this out so

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0tivez · 2 years

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Hello hello! :D

I promise you did not make me feel like a poser! Its a me thing that I have to work in bc I get insecure very easily, so don't worry :D You don't have to apologise for hyper fixating, I do that as well lmfao and your opinions are awesome! I love spoiling myself stuff bc im not patient enough :p ig I did get a bit intimidated?? I think its the first convo in which I've talked about jjk more in depth (like character writing and plot lines, etc) compared to "haha Gojo is hot" WHICH IS FINE bc I do find him attractive and I'm not trying to shame anyone who only talks about JJK bc the characters are attractive that bc I do it too, way too often, to be fair 😅

I feel like im being insanely oblivious right now, but leave aot of what controversial classification?? did you mean the Yaoi ship exploitation or...? TT

DEBATING THROUGH DISCORD IS SO SCARY, TEACH ME YOUR SECRETS LMFAO

Yaoi cafes- I- I totally agree w/ what you're saying. I think there's a lot of fetishisation and tokenization (I hope this is an appropiate term) of mlm relationships.

"haikyuu is very much shipped cause the male friendships in there are so strong and healthy" I absolutely agree with this point. I think that's the part that bothered me the most when discussing shipping ig?? I've seen a lot of arguments to defend/explain people's ships and they kinda never made sense to me bc I saw a clear double standard between the friendship perceived between men and women. Like saying people like each other bc they "trust" each other and are honest with each other about their feelings its kinda absurd imo. I do understand that most shippers are pretty chill and most of the time their ships don't hurt anybody!

No, bc now that you mention tuskkishima/yamaguchi pairing I can actually kinda it. Mainly from Yamaguchi's perspective tho, tho I've only watched 7 eps of the first season and im sorry for saying this but I ABSOLUTELY DESPISE HIM IM SO SORRY I CANT- I find him to be annoying and just there during the first part of S1

Its probably bc he reminds me of myself growing up/right now :,) does that imply that I don't like myself?? Maybe! But that's not the point :D The way Yamaguchi was with Tsukki was kinda the same way I acted around my best friend back then and it was,, messy to say the least LMFAO. I have bnha tag blocked on Tumblr TT but I can see where you're coming from, I've heard a bit about the fandom but not much. I hate the way teenage girls are demonised for liking anything lol. It made me weary of the people around me.

I haven't watched YoI, are we even surprised TT, but I did watch clips of the skating routines when I was a bit more into ice skating! I really enjoyed them; I have the song of Yuri's routine saved on Spotify lol. I never thought of the concept of something not being openly canon but still canon?? I like the way you said it! but I understand why it is frustrating, specially when you know the people who write/direct/create the story are trying to appeal/please to another demographic so their work is more accepted.

Opening twitter is so dangerous no matter where you are.

One time I remember my phone automatically connected to the bluetooth in my dad's car while I was watching stuff. The sound of the video went off for like 5 seconds until I realised that it automatically connected and freaked out. I was also playing with the volume levels bc why did the video shut up???? I was so stupid TT luckily my dad didn't question me lol

I WANNA WATCH THE MOVIE SO BADLY FUCK. I think the first anime movie release we got was Koe no Katachi/a silent voice a while ago but only one theatre was playing it. It was very far from my house and in a dangerous area so my dad wouldn't have let me go TT I know watching the movie is gonna hurt like a bitch but im so prepared for crying my eyes out. Tho knowing im impatient as shit id probably watch the shaky-camera-poor-quality-cinema recording-thats-filmed-at-a-weird-angle-with-the-audience's-heads-in-frame version. I did that with Spiderman no way home bc I couldn't find tickets FOR WEEKS

Why does Gojo smelling like nothing not surprise me at all?? I imagine it being in the same way cats smell like nothing. Sandalwood and incense <3 watch me spritz that fragrance on all my clothes now. I am, in fact, a delulu fan :)

Junji Ito is gonna be the death of me. There's a book store close to me that sells a huge Junji Ito book and I want it so badly bc I wanna read his stuff but its so expensive TT He's drawings are terrifyingly amazing tho, do you have any recs??

NOT CUM LMFAO I got so excited explaining the meaning of csm ngl

My feed has also been flooded (in a positive way) with Yuzuru again, I missed him :,) I will personally sue the hole on the ice, idc what anyone says. At least his 4 axel got approved by the judges! I think he is the first male skater with a certified 4 axel now :D I WATCHED THAT VIDEO AS WELL!!!! It was very interesting and fairly easy to understand if you don't know a lot of ice skating terminology! (like me :p). I didn't know Yuzuru went to college until I watched that video as well, I don't know why I didn't see that coming. Anyway, he's such a sweetheart </3 I will not leave this earth without watching him live at least once. I refuse TT he skates without so much elegance and passion and his "stage" presence (is it still called stage presence in this case??) is amazing, one of a kind, incomparable, unique, stunning, breath-taking-

Everyone hates mappa <3 Just today I was thinking how Tokyo Revengers would've been better (in general) if it was animated by mappa...even though I've only watched clips and the op ;p I do wanna read the manga at some point, I just have to organise myself :,)

YES!!! You won't regret catching up I swear, its so good so far and the cinematography is beautiful!

BARKING AT THE GETO TIKTOK YOU SENT AAAAA WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO MANIFEST IRL HIM TT and no pls bc I fall for Toji thirst traps all the time, and its specifically toji thirsttraps no less LOL I saw one of a girl cosplaying him and Jesus Christ- ✋ I can try to find it but it was a bit a god :,)

Thank you so much, you're gonna make me blush TT I hope you take care of yourself as well!!

Have a good night/day :D

haha yeah i get that too! i used to get that feeling a lot in middle school cause it was popular to call everyone a poser lol glad i got to overcome that. i'm still connected to toxic fandoms and shit but just don't care lmaoo i'm glad i am my own cringe, mainstream self <3

aah you'll love r/jujutsushi then! it's a pretty supporting subreddit where people discuss the manga in depth, it's so fun to read! the haha gojo sexy discussions are fun, i hate how toxic people on tw and shit call those people "cringe" or "posers that read it only to simp" those two can corelate??? thats a whole another vent conversation

aah no i knew i couldn't explain it lol i think i meant it as in your opinions aren't barely there it's just that i support the controversial opinions so mine are just too out there??? i think???

omg let me tell you about this one time, like the day after ch139, a couple people and i tried to explain this dude how eren is finally free and he just... didn't understand it. at all. there we were, 3 people telling the same stuff over and over again, explaining it to him like he was 5, and him being like "okay but why" needless to say, i left the server

i mean i haven't watched much of season 2 yet and i can tell you yamaguchi is still just there lol at least he's cute and he tries <3 man i keep forgetting these are real children lamoo well i mean i kinda relate to tsukki so that means we can be best friends too <3

aah it's so dramatic but so fun kdscflawkvm i don't really like herohei but the bnha videos make me chuckle a lil bit. unsupervised internet at best

yoi is so fun! it's like eating cotton candy. it's pretty short too, 3 episodes are up on youtube! it's so lighthearted. they are VERY canon btw, i would tell you why but it would be a spoiler sooo you should really watch it 👀 but also victor is extremely sexy

bestie..... what were you watching...........

i will absolutely watch the shaky version or maybe even the crunchyroll version if it gets released online before it does here. i want to watch in cinemas too, the action scenes seem incredible

aah it's been such a long time since i got to read manga tbh. i saw uzumaki 3 in a second hand bookstore in my hometown for cheap and got so excited, i couldnt buy it since they didnt have 1 and 2 :(

i taught csm to my spanish speaking friend and she said she had never heard of it before lol so two birds with one stone

yuzuru truly is an artist. wait i found another tiktokwlsaemflswkdmfclsmfr gurl same

i would DIE if mappa reanimates tokyo ghoul like the fans are asking them to, tho i want them to BREATHE for a bit. i enjoy the fast content but cmon man let the animators rest </3

nah cause i don't even feel bad for eating those thirst traps. you should see my fyp. im not even embarrassed anymore. i don't really like cosplays unless hakken does them but man you can't go wrong with toji cosplays (you can but yknow)

have a good one babe, talk to you later <3

#🥳-anon

0 notes

thegurlbehindthesmile · 3 years

Text

Head Storm.

If i don't take minute to write these things down they just weigh so heavy. where do i begin.

i'm frustrated.

sometimes its like a repeating nightmare. Its me and brian and we are on a 13 hour flight to Germany. this double decker plane is huge and filled with strangers and i cant see their faces. i know our destination is a long way away. im tired. and there we are in the middle row. u next to me and me on the isle. We're sharing your blue ipod with music i never really listen to and this is the moment im stuck in.

for a minute my body goes into drive. at first you think the dream would play out as i remember, but this isnt a memory its a dream and now that im more aware- more awake within the dream; im always asking myself.

why am i here? wheres juan? wheres julian? (thats right this is a dream/ im sleeping)

and i realize im meant to doo something. and i go and look at brian and its not the same. i can barely see his face and i no longer remeber the sound of his voice. its as if im stuck in my seat.

the dream is almost paused- as i struggle to put these pieces of the real memory back together. its like im waiting. im waiting for brian to speak first. im just sitting here. on this plane.

i went to russia in 2005. the trip was from philly airport to germany than germany to russia.

it was for a youth peace team mission. we met up with kids our age over there and talked about religion and life. it wasnt just us two- we had a team of our friends and it was amazing.

It was the first time i had left the country- it was the first time i had flown without my mom. first time i felt homesick. the first time i saw how big the world really is. how there is so much to see and so much going on. it was an experience.

i never knew Demisexual was a thing. (The term 'demisexual' comes from the concept being described as being "halfway between" sexual and asexual. ... The gray-A spectrum usually includes individuals who very rarely experience sexual attraction; they experience it only under specific circumstances.)

i didnt even know what sexual was- i was young naive and anything i did know about sex and beauty most likely came from the wrong place. i managed to get all the way to freshman year of highschool without really relationships that included sexual and non sexual.

freshman year was horrible. i was the new girl becuase i didnt attend the same middle school as the other kids and my prior school was MUCH smaller than the highschool i went to. but i was excited for the change. i asked for the change.

its easy to say "well idk?" when u have lack of experience. Idk why i was single so long. idk why i never wanted a bf. idk why i have never kissed anyone idk? idk? idk? (...now i know) my first thoughts were always like omg maybe noone wanted to kiss me? maybe im the weird one. less desired. not wanted. i was the problem. i imagined my body was less than perfect and i guess my attitude and demenor wasnt the dating type (lies) i just felt weird and alone.

sometimes people cant make a sexual connection unless they have an emotional connection with someone as well. it isnt prude it isnt wierd its just how it works (literally) the better and more i get to know you i can finally start feeling any real connection at all especially sexually.

this new demisexual wasnt even a thing until i was half way through my twenties...THAT and pansexual (not limited in sexual choice with regard to biological sex, gender, or gender identity.) people would ask "well whats ur type?!" idk id say?? i didnt even realize internally i found both sexs appealing. not even just sexs just ANYone. hearts not parts we say now.

i was basiclly lost ,frustrated and didnt understand a damn thing about myself.

brian and i were friends. we went to the same church- we lived in the same town. our families knew each other. it was a very safe space for me. i didnt think brian liked me. ( i didnt think ANYONE liked me; that way anyway) i had guy friends i had girl friends i just felt like we were all at the same level. most my girl friends had kissed people, most had bfs; same with the guys. i just didnt... it wasnt that i didnt like brian- i just had no idea what any of this stuff was. how to even begin "liking someone" i wasnt stupid - i was scared? i felt scared. worried that becase i hadnt had the experiences - that i wasnt good at ANY of it. i got to know brian because he was around. youth group trips and church events ; school- we were always hanging around each other.

i was never a physical person. honestly self pleasure was the only pleasure i knew and i thought id be going to hell for masturbating so theres that complex. a secret i held tight forever.

i didnt know the more i talked and was around brian i would fall inlove with him. people SAYYY that- but in my world it was a must. it was inevitable. as long as he was open with me and vulnerable- i began to want him.

he was my first kiss. and he let me kiss him. it might of seemed innocent ( i mean it was really) but it was big for me. the only person in the world i had let in. and he was ready to reak havoc on my new world. kisses lead to make outs- making out lead to sex- and that was that. id say i was his or he was mine but i guess we were each others. i wasnt ready to do this with anyone else. i didnt think i even could. it took so long for brian to become this person for me. i was..postive; id make this love last a life time. but that wasnt the case it was a rocky 3 years but at the end of it i personally learned alot.

i still didnt know all that i said above. on my rocky one relationship road... i was frustrated. i didnt know these things existed and while life seemed easy for brian- it was not for me. i struggled and argued with myself resulting in very poor communication with brian leading to only end in sight. if i wasnt making an emotional connection with my person then it had to be the opposite; i wasnt interested at all. almost the opposite- i felt nothing.

i let the hurt find its way in- i let it block any form of fix. the emotions were turned off. and the result was sexless.

i went on a rampage and found a random lover. Peter was ..peter. i didnt know him prior to meeting him- i barely knew much about him at all. all i knew was i was numb and needed to feel again. ( now if only i had known who i was i would of tried to build and talk through these emotions, break some walls down. reopen the lines. reconnect and succeed. but i didnt know that. all i knew was i was hurting and i nolonger had my person- i wanted to feel again.) i wouldnt even say i was attracted to peter. i really wasnt "looking" at all. i wasnt looking with my eyes or my heart.

i was already pretty good at hurting myself just plain jane. but this was a whole different world. what if i could just have sex and not care. just do it and live. just feel something. and i did it. i found peter and yeah we had sex. i was postive i didnt want a relationship ( i was heading down the wrong road in the wrong direction WITH no directions) it was a mess. a mess that didnt last long (thankfully)

i look back at it now and would like to have lunch with peter. although im sure im a spek of nothing in his life stream; he was a pretty big rock in mine. mainly to say sorry. sorry for using him. more sorry that i had no intentions at all. i was a shell of person and im sorry he never got the chance to meet the true me. cuz im not that person at all. and i think he was geniune and we could of learned alot from each other.

i am 30 years old now and still to this day brian and peter are the only people ive slept with except my current husband.

ive trusted 2 (brian and juan) of those souls with my heart. my whole heart. ive been with them to the extent i lost myself. my body has craved them and known them. and they will forever have a piece of me. they took with them what insecurities i had and threw them out the window. i was engulfed and loved and it didnt stop. i had alot of sex with brian as i currently have alot of sex with juan (my husband)

if i had known who i was then i would of talked to more people. resulting in more meaningful connections. resulting in more stories and experiences to tell about. girls guys gays all different kinds of souls i would of touched and danced with. but i didnt know what i know now.

time has given me the learning ive neeeded and now i know alot.

as my nightmare continues its me and brian sitting on a 13 hour plane. i want to ask him how he is, and what hes doing. what other souls hes experienced and what life is like for him now. we would laugh and joke and unerstand that life goes on and although we are not lovers any longer we wouldnt be who we are without having known each other. on this plane its noone but us. reality doesnt hit because its just a distraction and we just want to catch up.

its like a clock is ticking and were anxious. as if he too knows this is a dream, a mear astroprojection into a memory. and noone talks. we both stay silent. its almost like i cant breathe.. its almost like im drowning.

i havent spoken to brian in atleast 10 years possibly. not a single word. across the universe is a soul i once loved wholefully and now were strangers. i think a piece of me hurts still today. like a lost limb. how can i go through life and succeed at only making connections that count when my first connection is fried and dead.

how do i begin to process the things i now understand when one small piece of me is gravitating through space.

i was told not to long ago that you are infact alive. simply living- trying to stay to urself.

as this new person i am. as i am learning and growing. you were a big part of who i was- i wish u could see who ive become. my soul acknowledges your absence and i am aware of it.

i hope love and light find you on ur dark days. and that you follow that light to become whoever you are meant to be.

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woodsens · 4 years

Text

best portable keyboard

Correction Appended

On an album of bittersweet childrens tunes that she wrote greater than a decade back, the girl who came to get recognized only since the piano teacher offered what, in hindsight, seems like an eerie glimpse of her possess long term.

Im relocating away today to an area so far away, wherever no one is familiar with my title, she wrote inside the lyrics of a track referred to as Transferring.

When she wrote that music, she was youthful and vivacious, a piano Trainer and freelance music writer who cherished Beethoven and jazz, sunsets and river Appears, extended walks and every thing about Big apple.

On a type of beloved walks, as a result of Central Park in the bright sun of a June working day in 1996, a homeless drifter beat her and made an effort to rape her, leaving her clinging to daily life. Following the assault, the words and phrases to her track came true. She moved absent, from Ny city, outside of her aged lifetime, and all but her closest buddies did not know her identify. To the remainder of the earth, she was — such as the extra well known jogger attacked in Central Park seven several years earlier — an nameless symbol of an urban nightmare. She was the piano Trainer.

Now, about the tenth anniversary with the attack, she is celebrating what seems to be her comprehensive recovery from brain trauma. She is 42, married, with a small little one. She is Kyle Kevorkian McCann, the piano Trainer, and he or she wishes to tell her story, her way.

Her health practitioner informed her it might just take 10 years to recover, and Sunday was that talismanic anniversary. I really feel my existence has long been redefined by Central Park, she explained various days ago, her voice smooth and hopeful. Prior to park; immediately after park. Will there ever be a time Once i dont Consider, Oh, this is the 10th anniversary, the eleventh anniversary?

She spoke in her modest ranch residence within a wooded subdivision inside of a Big apple suburb. She sat inside a eating area strewn with toys, surrounded by images of her cherubic, darkish-haired 2-calendar year-previous daughter. A Steinway grand stuffed half the home, and at a single stage she sat down and performed. Her actively playing was forceful, but she appeared ashamed to Engage in various bars, and shrugged, instead of answering, when asked the title on the piece. She questioned that her daughter and her town not be named.

She phone calls that working day, June 4, 1996, the working day Once i was hurt.

Hers was the first within a string of attacks by a similar gentleman on four Gals more than eight days. The last sufferer, Evelyn Alvarez, sixty five, was beaten to Demise as she opened her Park Avenue dry-cleaning store, and eventually, the assailant, John J. Royster, was convicted of murder and sentenced to lifestyle in prison.

Nonetheless the assault to the piano Trainer is definitely the a single persons appear to keep in mind one of the most. Component of the fascination has got to do with echoes of the 1989 attack over the Central Park jogger. But it also frightened people in a method the attack about the jogger didn't simply because its instances ended up so mundane.

It didn't happen inside of a distant Element of the park late in the evening, but near a well-liked playground at 3 in the afternoon. It could have took place to any individual. The stress was heightened by the mystery on the piano instructors id.

For three times, as law enforcement and Health professionals experimented with to discover who she was, she lay in the coma in her hospital mattress, anonymous. Her dad and mom ended up on getaway and her boyfriend, also a musician, was in Europe, on tour. Last but not least, amongst her students acknowledged a police sketch and was in a position to recognize her from the medical center by her fingers, for the reason that her experience was swollen further than recognition. The law enforcement did not release her identify.

The very last thing she remembers about June 4, 1996, is giving a lesson in her studio apartment on West 57th Road, then Placing her long hair inside a ponytail and likely out for any walk. She doesn't bear in mind the attack, Though she has read the accounts in the law enforcement and prosecutors.

To me its similar to a actuality I realized and memorized, she reported. Like I had been a pupil at school researching heritage.

She does not contemplate The person who did it. I might need been angry for the minute, but not for much longer than that, she explained. How could I be angry at John Royster? He was declared not insane, but I assume by our criteria he was.

Dr. Jamshid Ghajar, her medical doctor at Big apple Healthcare facility-Cornell Medical Middle, as it was acknowledged in 1996, instructed reporters that she experienced a 10 % potential for survival. Physicians had to get rid of her forehead bone, which was afterwards changed, for making place for her swelling brain. When her mother made a general public appeal to pray for my daughter, hundreds did.

Just after 8 days, she came outside of a coma, very first inside of a vegetative point out, then in the childlike condition. As she recovered, she slept minor and talked continuously, sometimes in gibberish. I used to be finding mad at people once they didnt respond to these phrases, she mentioned.

Like an Alzheimers individual, she had very little shorter-expression memory and would forget about site visitors the moment they still left the place.

More than a number of months, she needed to relearn how to stroll, gown, read through and publish. Her boyfriend, Tony Scherr, frequented everyday to Engage in guitar for her. He inspired her to Enjoy the piano, in opposition to the recommendation of her Bodily therapists, who considered she could be frustrated by her inability to Participate in just how she after experienced. Mr. Scherr played Beatles duets together with her, participating in the left-hand aspect while she played the best.

That was my most effective therapy, she stated.

In August, she moved back again household to New Jersey, along with her father, an engineer, and mom, a schoolteacher. She visited outdated haunts and identified as pals, making an attempt to revive her shattered memory. I used to be really obsessed with remembering, she said. Any memory decline was to me a sign of abnormality or deficit.

Her therapists thought her progress was fantastic, but her two sisters protested that she wasn't the deep thinker she had been.

What bothered her most was that she experienced dropped the opportunity to cry, just as if a faucet within her brain were turned off. Just one night time, 9 months soon after she was damage, she stayed up late to look at the John Grisham movie A The perfect time to Eliminate. Just following her father experienced absent to bed, she viewed a courtroom scene of Samuel Jacksons character on trial for killing two men who experienced raped his young daughter.

The faucet opened, plus the tears trickled down her cheeks. I thought of my moms and dads, my father, and whatever they went through, she mentioned. Minimal by little, my emotion returned, my depth of intellect returned.

youtube

Urged by her sisters, she went back to school and got a masters diploma in music instruction.

Not anything went very well. She and Mr. Scherr split up five years following the assault, while they remain buddies. She dated other Adult males, but she often explained to them in regards to the assault instantly — she couldn't assistance it, she claimed — plus they in no way called for your 2nd date.

We now have to search out you a person, her Good friend David Phelps, a guitar participant, mentioned four decades in the past, prior to introducing her to Liam McCann, a pc technician and novice drummer. For at the time, she didn't say everything with regard to the attack right up until she obtained to understand Mr. McCann, after which you can when she did, he admired her strength.

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Mayor Rudolph W. Giuliani, who had frequently visited her at her bedside when she was inside the clinic, married them in his Occasions Sq. Office environment. She wore a blue dress and pearls. While she was Expecting, within a burst of creative imagination, she and her pals recorded Whilst Have been Youthful, an album of childrens tracks that she had composed prior to the assault, including the track Moving. Her ex-boyfriend, Mr. Scherr, produced the CD. On it, her spouse plays drums and he or she plays electrical piano.

youtube

Is her existence as it had been? Not precisely, although she is unwilling to attribute the differences to her accidents. Her very last two piano pupils still left her, devoid of calling to explain why, she stated. She has resumed participating in classical tunes, but uncomplicated pieces, mainly because her daughter isn't going to give her time and energy to exercise. As for jazz, I dont even try, she stated.

She would want to drive much more, sensation stranded while in the suburbs, but she is definitely rattled. She tries to be content with keeping house and caring for her daughter.

Dr. Ghajar, a scientific professor of neurological surgical treatment at what's now termed Ny-Presbyterian Healthcare facility/Weill Cornell Professional medical Heart, who operated on Ms. Kevorkian McCann once the attack, said last week that her volume of recovery was rare. Shes fundamentally regular, he stated.

Other industry experts, who will be not Individually acquainted with Ms. Kevorkian McCanns circumstance, are more careful.

Regaining a chance to Engage in the piano might include an almost mechanical course of action, a semiautomatic remember of just what the fingers must do, mentioned Dr. Yehuda Ben-Yishay, a professor of medical rehabilitation drugs at Big apple College University of Drugs. At the time Mind-injured, you will be generally brain-injured, For the remainder of your daily life, Dr. Ben-Yishay stated. There isn't a get rid of, There's only intensive compensation.

The more telling Section of a Restoration, in his perspective, is psychological, and on that score he counts Ms. Kevorkian McCanns marriage and youngster as a significant victory.

For her element, the piano Instructor is aware she has modified, but she has designed her peace with it. I used to be type of a hyper —— I dont know if I used to be a Type A, but I was ambitious, she suggests. Why was I so ambitious? I had been a piano Trainer. I dont understand what the ambition was about. I actually did come back to the individual Im purported to be.

0 notes

emilyl-b · 4 years

Text

12 Reasons You Shouldn't Invest in best keyboard for beginners

Correction Appended

On an album of bittersweet childrens music that she wrote greater than ten years in the past, the lady who arrived to become known only because the piano Instructor provided what, in hindsight, looks like an eerie glimpse of her very own upcoming.

Im moving away these days to a place so far-off, the place no person understands my title, she wrote while in the lyrics of the music named Shifting.

When she wrote that music, she was young and vivacious, a piano teacher and freelance audio writer who beloved Beethoven and jazz, sunsets and river Seems, lengthy walks and every thing about New York.

On a kind of beloved walks, by Central Park in the bright Sunlight of the June day in 1996, a homeless drifter beat her and attempted to rape her, leaving her clinging to daily life. Following the assault, the terms to her tune came real. She moved away, out of Ny city, outside of her old lifetime, and all but her closest close friends did not know her identify. To the rest of the environment, she was — just like the additional renowned jogger attacked in Central Park 7 several years before — an anonymous image of an urban nightmare. She was the piano Instructor.

Now, about the tenth anniversary of your attack, she is celebrating what seems to be her complete recovery from brain trauma. She's forty two, married, with a little boy or girl. She is Kyle Kevorkian McCann, the piano Trainer, and she wants to explain to her story, her way.

Her medical professional informed her it would acquire 10 years to Recuperate, and Sunday was that talismanic anniversary. I really feel my lifetime has actually been redefined by Central Park, she said numerous days back, her voice comfortable and hopeful. Before park; right after park. Will there at any time be a time After i dont Assume, Oh, This is actually the tenth anniversary, the 11th anniversary?

She spoke in her modest ranch household in a wooded subdivision within a Big apple suburb. She sat within a dining place strewn with toys, surrounded by images of her cherubic, dim-haired 2-yr-previous daughter. A Steinway grand loaded fifty percent the home, and at just one point she sat down and performed. Her taking part in was forceful, but she seemed embarrassed to play quite a lot of bars, and shrugged, instead of answering, when requested the identify of your piece. She questioned that her daughter and her town not be named.

She calls that working day, June four, 1996, the working day After i was harm.

Hers was the 1st in a very string of assaults by a similar guy on four Girls above 8 days. The last victim, Evelyn Alvarez, 65, was overwhelmed to Loss of life as she opened her Park Avenue dry-cleansing store, and ultimately, the assailant, John J. Royster, was convicted of murder and sentenced to existence in prison.

Still the attack around the piano Instructor could be the one particular people today look to keep in mind by far the most. Section of the fascination should do with echoes of the 1989 attack around the Central Park jogger. But In addition it frightened folks in a method the attack within the jogger didn't mainly because its situation ended up so mundane.

It did not happen inside of a distant Component of the park late in the evening, but in close proximity to a well-liked playground at 3 while in the afternoon. It might have occurred to any individual. The tension was heightened by the secret of the piano teachers id.

For three times, as police and doctors tried using to see who she was, she lay within a coma in her hospital bed, anonymous. Her parents have been on holiday vacation and her boyfriend, also a musician, was in Europe, on tour. Eventually, among her students recognized a law enforcement sketch and was ready to discover her from the healthcare facility by her fingers, for the reason that her confront was swollen over and above recognition. The police didn't release her name.

The very last thing she remembers about June 4, 1996, is providing a lesson in her studio condominium on West 57th Avenue, then putting her extensive hair inside of a ponytail and heading out for just a walk. She will not don't forget the assault, Despite the fact that she has heard the accounts of the law enforcement and prosecutors.

To me its just like a fact I learned and memorized, she said. As if I were a scholar in school studying record.

She would not think of The person who did it. I might need been angry for a second, although not a lot longer than that, she said. How could I be angry at John Royster? He was declared not insane, but I suppose by our standards he was.

Dr. Jamshid Ghajar, her medical doctor at The big apple Healthcare facility-Cornell Healthcare Center, as it was recognized in 1996, told reporters that she had a ten per cent chance of survival. Doctors experienced to remove her forehead bone, which was later changed, for making space for her swelling Mind. When her mom built a community appeal to pray for my daughter, thousands did.

Soon after eight times, she arrived out of a coma, 1st in a vegetative condition, then in a childlike condition. As she recovered, she slept tiny and talked continually, at times in gibberish. I had been having mad at persons if they didnt respond to these text, she stated.

youtube

Like an Alzheimers affected individual, she had minor limited-expression memory and would neglect site visitors as soon as they remaining the room.

Above a number of months, she had to relearn ways to stroll, costume, read through and publish. Her boyfriend, Tony Scherr, visited every day to Engage in guitar for her. He inspired her to play the piano, towards the recommendation of her Actual physical therapists, who believed she might be annoyed by her inability to Perform how she after had. Mr. Scherr played Beatles duets together with her, actively playing the left-hand section when she played the ideal.

Which was my most effective therapy, she said.

In August, she moved back dwelling to New Jersey, together with her father, an engineer, and mother, a schoolteacher. She frequented old haunts and known as mates, hoping to revive her shattered memory. I was very obsessed with remembering, she claimed. Any memory decline was to me an indication of abnormality or deficit.

Her therapists imagined her development was wonderful, but her two sisters protested that she wasn't the deep thinker she were.

What bothered her most was that she experienced misplaced the opportunity to cry, as if a faucet inside her brain were turned off. One particular night time, nine months just after she was hurt, she stayed up late to watch the John Grisham Motion picture A The perfect time to Get rid of. Just soon after her father had long gone to bed, she viewed a courtroom scene of Samuel Jacksons character on demo for killing two Males who experienced raped his younger daughter.

The faucet opened, as well as the tears trickled down her cheeks. I considered my mothers and fathers, my father, and what they went by, she said. Little by minimal, my sensation returned, my depth of brain returned.

Urged by her sisters, she went again to highschool and received a masters diploma in new music schooling.

Not every little thing went well. She and Mr. Scherr split up five years once the attack, though they continue to be mates. She dated other men, but she constantly instructed them with regard to the assault without delay — she couldn't enable it, she explained — they usually hardly ever referred to as for any second date.

We have now to locate you anyone, her Buddy David Phelps, a guitar player, said four a long time ago, just before introducing her to Liam McCann, a computer technician and newbie drummer. For at the time, she didn't say nearly anything concerning the attack till she got to be aware of Mr. McCann, then when she did, he admired her energy.

Mayor Rudolph W. Giuliani, who had frequently frequented her at her bedside though she was in the medical center, married them in his Times Square Workplace. She wore a blue costume and pearls. Though she was pregnant, in a very burst of creativeness, she and her buddies recorded Though Were being Youthful, an album of childrens tracks that she had prepared prior to the assault, such as the music Shifting. Her ex-boyfriend, Mr. Scherr, manufactured the CD. On it, her spouse plays drums and she plays electrical piano.

Is her lifetime as it was? Not precisely, however she is reluctant to attribute the dissimilarities to her accidents. Her final two piano students left her, without having contacting to elucidate why, she claimed. She has resumed playing classical new music, but straightforward pieces, because her daughter would not give her time for you to practice. As for jazz, I dont even consider, she explained.

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She would want to travel extra, experience stranded while in the suburbs, but she is definitely rattled. She tries to be articles with keeping residence and caring for her daughter.

Dr. Ghajar, a medical professor of neurological surgical procedure at what on earth is now referred to as Big apple-Presbyterian Hospital/Weill Cornell Medical Heart, who operated on Ms. Kevorkian McCann following the attack, stated last week that her amount of Restoration was exceptional. Shes mainly ordinary, he stated.

Other professionals, who are not personally aware of Ms. Kevorkian McCanns circumstance, tend to be more cautious.

Regaining the ability to Participate in the piano may perhaps entail an Nearly mechanical system, a semiautomatic recall of exactly what the fingers must do, claimed Dr. Yehuda Ben-Yishay, a professor of clinical rehabilitation medicine at Ny University Faculty of Drugs. After brain-injured, you happen to be generally brain-wounded, For the remainder of your lifetime, Dr. Ben-Yishay said. There isn't any remedy, there is only intensive payment.

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The greater telling Component of a Restoration, in his perspective, is psychological, and on that score he counts Ms. Kevorkian McCanns relationship and boy or girl as a significant victory.

For her element, the piano Trainer is familiar with she has changed, but she has made her peace with it. I used to be form of a hyper —— I dont know if I used to be a Type A, but I used to be formidable, she claims. Why was I so formidable? I used to be a piano teacher. I dont really know what the ambition was about. I actually did come back to the individual Im speculated to be.

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room3voluntary · 7 years

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In meds we trust

I was in the toilet when I heard a polite knock at my door. 'Are you in Maddie? A man’s voice floated through the door. I was only in there looking at my face. Well, the chemical caused acne breakout that used to be my face. Urgh. I opened the door. 'I just have some paperwork to fill in if that's ok?' I realised he might be a junior doctor and he was as polite and his knock. I grabbed them from his hand and it was the usual. 2 pieces of paper, each with situation statements which I had to confirm with a circle. Never, rarely, some days, several days, always. Question 3 really got me. 'Do you talk to yourself while you're alone? What type of question is that ?'I asked aloud. He asked why and I said how do you know. 'How do you know if you talk to yourself while you're alone? That's like asking if a tree falls in the wood when no one is around does anyone hear?' He started laughing. 'I see your point' he said 'I know that I talk to myself' me too. I circled 'several days'. I think everyone does. He thanked me and collected the papers. He informed me I have formulation meeting tomorrow. A formulation meeting is where everyone gets together and discusses what to do with you. It sounds so clinical. How do you solve a problem like Maddie? I've been a puzzle quite a few times.

I was sat at my desk when a seriously lady walked in, carrying a briefcase and a warm smile she perched on the end of my bed. 'My name is Dr Khatri'.

First things first we discussed the events which led me here but after a while she clocked my note pad. She asked me what I was writing so I explained. It was partly this, partly my book and partly serious subjects. 'I wish I was as creative as you' she said. We then continued trawling through my history and uttered the words I knew were coming but still filled me with dread. 'I think you will benefit from an antipsychotic'

In 2008, after the first serious admission i had, I left hospital at went back to college. I had my second psychotic breakdown 6 months into my first year at art college. It was now September and my first day back. i was so nervous but everyone was so nice, within a few hours i got my confidence back, i was ready to begin. I stared at the canvas in front of me and nothing happened. Creativity used to flow out of my hands. My mother was told I was gifted. I never saw a blank canvas I saw one hundred visual stories to be told. I picked up the charcoal to trigger some sort of idea but nothing happened. Then it hit me, I was normal. I was functioning but i'd sacrificed my creativity for it. Id sacrificed part of myself.

When you're young you're told to believe in you're dreams. You can achieve anything you want but as you get older you realise this isn't true and it takes hard work and sacrifices. My goal was to be normal and for that i realised I'd sacrificed part of my soul. Through the following year, I noticed not only had I sacrificed my soul, also my identity and it was down to a little blue pill called aripiprazole. aripiprazole was an antipsychotic and two years later when I had a trial coming off it, I came back. My soul re-entered my body, whatever what repressing me left and I got my sparkle again. I didn't want to be locked away again.

'It's an antipsychotic called olanzapine' she said covering an awkward silence in which I realised I hadn't replied. 'I understand you have tried aripiprazole and quetiapine in the past yes?' I had but they were both the same, they stole who I was but quetiapine had made me physically ill as well. bad allergic reaction.

'What are the side effects?' I asked when I finally got out of my thoughts. 'There can be weight gain as a side effect' i knew this. Not only that I knew olanzapine was the worst one for it. I felt sick. I am Maddie and I am skinny. That's part of me. Throughout my life I've had patches where I've been a bit funny about my weight and for this reason I felt like I'd been given a death sentence. Logic once more dictates that this was ridiculous, but me and logic aren't always friends. I'm crazy and ill but at least I'm skinny and exciting. I'm not pretty enough to be fat. Medication weight is entirely different to normal weight. It's all on the stomach. You see it, a big round pouch. It's all on the stomach and flat in the eyes. I got one before, not big but it was there. People can be beautiful at any weight, size and shape but it made me so worried. My choice was be mad or be unhappy with how I look. I don't know what's worse. I know I was being dramatic, I know I was being shallow and vain but maybe It's what I deserved. 'Okay' I said. I wasn't really thinking. I'd already conceded to defeat to continue to participate in the decision. She asked if I had any more questions and smiled as she left. I smiled too.

I am not anti-medication. I am pro-medication. I'm already on some. There are so many people, mainly who suffer with depression I've found, who point blank refuse any meds. I understand, they worry for the same reason as me but no matter how good your diet is, no matter how many miles your run, sometimes you're serotonin will not play the game. There is no denying these factors help but sometimes you need a crutch, a little helping hand to get you through the day but prejudice and fear seem stronger than logic. 'You don't need pills, why would you want to put all those chemicals in your body?' Preaches the person who nearly blacks out on tequila every weekend before inhaling a gram of cocaine through to Sunday morning. 'You just need a distraction' says the person who’s never even had a cold in their life, never mind any other health problems.

It's a chemical imbalance: would you tell someone with diabetes it's a state of mind? And the same as diabetes, yes a diet can help, but you're not going to stop that imbalance by stopping their insulin. Ignorance causes suffering.

The reason for my reservations was my complicated past with this type of drug. After a short time of contemplating in silence I started to cry. I felt heartbroken. Everything I had tried, the struggle and determination I had fought to stay off them, I was back to where I was a few years ago. I had failed. My heart sank into my chest not only through disappointment but the knowledge she was probably right. I was being selfish too, my behaviour was also effecting the people around me, i had to be fixed. It was the most logical answer. I also knew that medication effects individuals in different ways but even that didn't help me. What could I do? I needed to formulate a plan of my own. Ferociously scribbled into my notebook cause and effect, feelings and frenzied suggestions but i knew deep down i was wrong.

I went to find a nurse. I wasn't good at this whole 'talking to someone' business, I can do it in my own, but I needed to say my thoughts out loud.

The ward has been busy. It was living up to a stereotype I tried to ignore. Sharon, the walker, was no longer wandering the hallways but yelping incoherently to herself in her room. Earlier a new girl was brought in by a flock of people who promptly tried to escape and hit her dad. I watched as she screamed and wet her self. I watched her violently thrashing as she was rugby tackled like a SWAT team by the staff and sedated. As we all shuffled off to our rooms as instructed by staff, I saw her legs were all bruised and bleeding. I saw her eyes too, she wasn't there.

I finally found a nurse to speak to. No, talk at. Through mascara stained rambling I explained. She said nothing. Finally she said 'don't worry about the weight gain, it doesn't happen to everyone'. What a pile of shit. Yes it does, it's the one that does it that most, im not an idiot. 'Tea is ready if you want some?' She said changing the subject and leaving. I didn't want some. I wasn't hungry. Probably because I knew soon that's all i'd be. Hungry and lost.

As the evening drifted on, it nearly time. I made my way to the treatment room like a prisoner on the way to the executioners block. I had to get rid of this negativity. i had to try. I slouched on the chair outside the treatment room, waiting for my name to be shouted. A few of the older and worse patients were watching TV. I looked at their facing staring blankly at the set. How do they do it? All of them are on antipsychotics and they just get on with it. That's all some of them do though, just stare at the TV in their pyjamas. I can't work out if they know what's going on or braver than me, stronger than me? Probably both, more so the latter.

I heard my name and got my meds. I saw a new little pink one, poking out of the crowd of pills in the paper cup. 'This is a new one for me. I'm excited for the sleep but not the weight gain!' I joked. She just smiled and shrugged her shoulders. I took a deep breath and knock it back. Then nothing. I don't know what I expected. The whole world to change? To die? Everything was exactly the same. An hour passed and still nothing happened. I was just sat watching TV and very much still myself.

I got up to go to the kitchen and that's when I noticed the change. Fuzzy. Everything was fuzzy. From the floor tiles to door frames everything was like a slow slide show, doubled and swayed. I felt like static, my brain full of white noise. I stumbled into the kitchen but it was too bright so I abandoned my cup and made my way to my room. I felt as though i was walking through water. A 5 second journey turned into a 5 mile march of white corridor. I have spent more time in a drug fuelled trip wandering round hospital corridors than I have house parties this year.

I finally made it into bed and turned out the lights. Everything was better now. The white noise was quieter. Calm. The world has righted itself. The last thing I remember before falling asleep was my legs feeling hot against the bed sheet.

*****

I've just woke up. I can't get up

It was two hours later and I was still struggling to move. Every twitch of my leg and flex of my arm made me feel sick. I needed the toilet, I had to move. My mouth was sandpaper dry, I needed some water, I had to move. I eventually pulled myself up and felt better I thought- until I stood up. It felt like my heart was going to explode through my chest. All my extremities tingled. I edged my way to the toilet using the wall as a frame and finally reached the bowl. That was the best piss I ever had. I looked over the mirror. I looked awful. Every time I closed my eyes I could see the veins pulsing across my eyelids and in my reflection that is what I saw. Blood shot eyes, the negative of what I saw in the blink, like a fingerprint. I got up and shuffled to the door.

The hallway was white. Too white. My heart felt like it was beating into my legs, each step a slow and heavy thump. The pressure in my chest was radiating down from my head which was locked in an invisible vice. The heaviness of my head led the way as I went to find help. 'I don't feel very well' I said when I finally reached the dining room hatch. One of the nurses took my arm 'oh dear' she said 'Coincidence has it, a doctor is here, I'll get him to take a look at you, don't worry'. I lent in her shoulder and she grabbed me gently by the arm and steadily walked me to the treatment room.

wilted on the bed, I blinked and there stood a figure leaning over me, face shrouded by the strip light behind, turning his features into a silhouette which was crowned by a halo. My eyes adjusted to the lights and distortion melted away. The silhouette was now replaced with a dark haired doctor. He looked early 30s. Quite cute actually. First attractive person I'd seen in ages and i was in this state. The nurse from before leaned over and pulled my top up. I then also realised I had my tits out. Great. Faces of Meth, faces of Maddie, there was very little distinction. 'Hold up your arms, put then together onto your chest and lift them up like chicken wings' he said. What. He must have seen my expression of disbelief and confusion as he showed me how. 'I'm not going to press on your elbows and you have to try and keep them up, okay?' He was very authoritative yet polite. I liked it. From there proceeded a number of resistance tests, pulling and pressing on various limbs. After a while he pulled out his stethoscope and listened to my chest before checking my blood pressure. Everything was a little bit high. 'You are experiencing some very strong side effects but you are okay but we'll mention this to the consultant. Try and get some rest' Rest. That is all anyway says but it doesn't seem to be working. The nurse helped me back up and I hauled myself back to bed.

'Maddie can i come in?' The staff nurse shouted the door. 'You have your formulation meeting at 1 o'clock is that okay?' It was 12:30. Oh god, I had so much to say, so much to explain, so much persuading to do and I couldn't in this state. I was struggling slur through a sentence. mind fuzzy. I started to panic, the kick of adrenaline woke me up and I pulled on some clothes and lumbered to meeting room. It was time to formulate my formulation, see where my path was headed next, and I was not prepared.

When I walked in I was greeted by four ladies all sat in perfect symmetry, two on each side. There was my mum, a staff nurse, the psychiatrist and a lady I didn't know. I looked at my mother who couldn't hide her concern at the state I'd walked in. 'I don't want to take olanzapine again, please don't make me' I pleaded before anyone could even begin. 'It is your body and I can see you are not well' I looked at Dr Khatri 'They have had an unusually adverse effect on you. In the pasts you have tried aripriprazole and quetiapine and there were not successful either. I don't think this medication is for you. I see no benefit to continuing' she smiled at me. 'Thank you' I replied. Thank you didn't even cut it, thank you for the bottom of my heart. A wave of relief washed over me. I said previously they are not good for me but no one had really listened. I have the symptoms, they fix the symptoms but they don't suit me. Antipsychotics are anti-Maddie. 'We have decided to the observe and see how you go' she continued 'we will wait for the increase in lamotrogine to take effect and if you manage to have two nights full rest, you can go on weekend leave and if that is successful we can discuss discharge' even better! This was the plan. This is want I wanted. I struggled to hold back tears as I thanked her. The lady was finally introduced to me. She was my work liaison officer. The thing is, and the thing you may not believe is, I am full time employed. Up until a while ago I was just like you. A Starbucks drinking, Tesco raiding, selfie taking, endless consumer. I was the one who accidentally walked into you in a heaving pool of people in primark. I am the person who sat opposite you on the train. A 'mutual friend', a 'someone you might know'.

Mental illness believes in equality. It doesn't judge or have prejudice. It will simply strike any of us at any moment. A monster lurking in the dark.

For a while I’d felt like my life had been stagnant and now it was the most static and stagnant it’s ever been. I needed to get out.

For the rest of the meeting I stayed slumped in my chair, the drugs still flowing through my veins. I watched them speak, their mouths moved but blurred sounds came out from far away. Dr Khatri hand grabbed mine and shook it, our faces smiling simultaneously. The plan was complete. The formulation; I just had to sleep. Not that hard right?

*****

I’m trying to sleep but It’s raining. It’s raining so hard. I overheard something about a storm earlier, about the sky turning yellow? I don’t know. It’s not just me that’s gone crazy recently, it’s the whole world. I couldn’t sleep though it like the slow motion crush of a car bonnet crumpling into a wall in a crash test simulation, dummy falling and bending inside.

Suddenly silence. I flipped open the curtain next to me, only blackness peered back in. No rain.

From behind me I heard the pitter patter of quick footsteps down the corridor and quickly flung myself into bed and pretended to be asleep. A few seconds later I heard the shutter fold up, the flash of a light and felt the eyes of a nurse observe me for a moment before moving on. I heard the shutter slap down I rolled over. Try again.

I lay in the darkness, it buzzing around me like bees trying to shut down. Even if I don’t sleep even if they just think I have slept I can leave. I wasn’t going to move but then I heard the tapping. It was coming from outside of my window. Tap, tap, tap. I got up and went to the bathroom and slid under the sink, curling into a ball. Tap, tap, tap. I closed my eyes and breathed.

I wont tell them about this

#olanzapine #mental health #mental illness #bipolor #medication #meds #antipsychotics #psychiatry #psychiatric hospital #psychiatric mental health nursing #mental heath awareness #diary #mania #psychosis

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ashethehedgehog · 7 years

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OKAY U GUYS LMAO TY FOR THE ASKS <33333 I’ll do ygo for all the letters here! It’s long so I’ll put it under a read more! So dive on in for some talk about my writing and puzzleshipping fics! (Also some snippets I posted below so wink wink)

B: Any of your stories inspired by personal experience?

Not like directly, but I definitely put some of my influences into them. Like Yugi wanting to be a knight in The Beast Within was 100% because I used to want to be a knight lmao.

F: Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

Ohhh off the top of my head? Gosh mmmm. Okay so off the top of my head there’s this one scene in an AU I’m probably going to abandon actually, so it’s kinda ehhh to show it now and tease u all like this lmao, but I did really enjoy writing the interactions between Yugi and Atem in them, so I’m going to put one of those for this! I just like the way they butted heads and Atem refused to relent, but then so did Yugi so they just tip toed around each other looking for the weak spot while referring to ‘the pharaoh’ as if it’s someone else and not Atem lmao. For context, it’s from an AU where everyone is an anthro animal, felines are considered the high ranking ones, spotted cats (Yugi’s species) is endangered and highly revered, Atem is a lion.

“You’re under the protection of the pharaoh, and as such are to remain in the palace where said effect can be carried out.” Atem answered as dully as he could manage. It seemed to work, as Yugi’s expression dropped.

“That order can be extended and revoked by the pharaoh himself should he wish. Do you think the pharaoh realises that? I wonder…” Yugi clicked his tongue, a thoughtful hand tapping his chin.

“I believe the pharaoh wishes for the spotted cat to remain within the palace walls, where he would be safest. I wonder if he realises that he could have servants fetch anything he needed from the city.”

“He wants to go look at what the city has to offer. With his own eyes, not those of servants not belonging to him.”

“You have your own staff I have assigned to you.”

“They’re not loyal to me.”

Atem paused, finally giving his full attention to Yugi. So that’s the kind of game Yugi was playing today. It seemed he had slipped up, however, and Atem wasn’t beneath taking advantage of this blunder.

“You question the good intentions of the pharaoh, who has given you his place as residence while asking nothing of you?” Atem tsked, turning back to his scroll, attention slipping from Yugi. He knew that would irritate the little cat, and sure enough, Yugi gave a soft growl in warning.

“I do not question the pharaoh, only wonder if he remembers whether or not he will honour his agreement.”

“What agreement?” Atem rolled his eyes.

Yugi pushed off the desk, slamming a hand down on the table, tail lashing angrily behind him. “You cannot keep me locked up here, pharaoh. Protective rules or not, if I leave, you cannot stop me.”

“No, I can’t,” Atem responded calmly, adjusting the scroll in his paws. “But you lose my protection if you venture into the city. You go alone.”

"I will be going into the city, pharaoh. And you will provide me with the necessary guards."

G: Do you write your story from start to finish, or do you write the scenes out of order?

I tend to write random scenes around as I get inspiration for them, but mostly I write it chapter by chapter to keep it consistent! But if I’m in a slump, I write scenes that I had the motivation to work on, even if it’s for like three chapters ahead. I did this a little with my Big Bang fic because I had a deadline and needed to be working on it lmao. Fun fact tho, The Living Daylights I started off with the opening scene from chapter nine! Yeah nine chapters in right crazy ahaha, but that was what inspired the AU! xD

H: How would you describe your style?

I dunno? Semi-decent descriptions enough to understand locations and a fuckton of travelling montage work and fighting scenes. I couldn’t tell u dude I dunno my own style lmao.

M: Got any premises on the back burner that you’d care to share?

Sure, why not! So my list of fics I’m currently writing are:

Prince and King on AO3

Dragontaur AU/ Opportunities in Unexpected Places on AO3

The Demon Prince Yugi and Knight Atem AU, which will be my next multi chap fic after PaK is done.

A naga!Yugi and vampire!Yugi AU that I’m writing, buuuuut they’re both for my smut blog, where I post them exclusively, and I’m not going to move them to AO3 either soz (anyone is welcome to IM me for the link to the blog, but it’s on private so access is message only lmao).

Magic AU, which u can find some snippets of here! I don’t plan to take this further than a longshot, even with the potential for more there, I just don’t have the time for another fantasy AU world to build rn lmao. But I hope to have something of this to share soon!

Lion Atem, which I gave the snippet of above, where they’re all anthros. I never wrote much for this, and although I liked the concept, I don’t think I’ll work on it anymore. Maybe I’ll post the 6K I wrote just as a ‘read if u want but don’t expect more pls’ kind of thing. But yeah, at this stage this one is p much discontinued because I don’t have the time to work on it.

And that leaves Elf King Yugi, something that has definitely been on the back burner for MONTHS now (ever since Trial and Error, so u do the maths lmao) which I have written a fair amount for, but need to do some serious plot work before I consider doing more. Since there is a chance I’ll continue to work on this one tho, I’ll post a snippet here!

"You know the council isn't going to like this Yugi. You're in for a long and dangerous fight with this one."

"I know Anzu- you don't need to treat me like a kid." Yugi scolded her with a quick frown.

"I'm just warning you. Be prepared to argue into the night."

"I am- believe me." Yugi groaned, a hand rubbing his forehead as if to still a headache.

Yami tittered at the edge of the room near the door, unsure if he should interrupt what looked like a conversation (or argument) between friends.

Luck wasn't (or was) on his side though it seemed, as Yugi took that moment to crane his neck to where Yami was standing, his eyes lighting up. Yami suppressed a groan as he waved him over. Yami stepped lightly, his steps hesitant as he approached the two.

"Oh wow Yugi is this him? Your narcissism is showing with this one." The girl’s eyes gleamed with something predatory, like she was sizing up how long Yami would last in... Something.

"Would you please stop saying 'this one?' It implies I do this frequently- which I don't." Yugi said, shooting Yami an apologetic look. "This is Anzu- she works at the castle here-"

"You forgot to mention I'm your best friend." Anzu said in a sing song voice. Yugi shot her a look this time.

"Yes, and you're my annoying best friend." He turned back to Yami. "She's going to give you your tour, alright?"

Yami nodded. "Where are you going?"

"I have to go to court today. We'll see each other later, my dear Yami." Yugi smiled at him, reaching out to pat his shoulder as he passed him, disappearing out of the room.

Yami turned back around to immediately jump in surprise.

Standing way too close for comfort in front of him was Anzu. She had a wild grin on her face, like she knew a secret Yami didn't.

"Well well Yami. Looks like it’s just the two of us for the rest of the day." She practically purred.

"Uh... Okay... Should I be worried?" Yami frowned, not liking the glint in her eyes. It's like a maze of demons here, Yami observed. You turn away from one only to find another.

"Not at all," Anzu hummed, patting Yami's shoulder. "We're all friends here I assure you. Yugi wants me to take extra good care with you. And I must say- I can see why. You're a keeper."

"A keeper?" Yami's frown deepened, and he suppressed a sigh of exhaustion. Just what have I gotten myself into here? He was beginning to seriously regret his decision to break the elves' border seal now.

"Never mind." Anzu waved him off, trotting over to the door only to swing back around, her hand on the handle. "You coming? Yugi wants you to see the castle."

"Oh, right, of course." Yami muttered, following Anzu as she made her way out into the hallway.

"Alright, first things first- unless Yugi gives you public permission to travel around, don't go anywhere without an escort, okay?"

"Why? I'm not a kid." Yami scoffed.

"Mmm, technically you are to a lot of these folk. Most of the population in the kingdom are elves, and they tend to be a lot older than they appear."

N: Is there a fic you wish someone else would write (or finish) for you?

LMAO YEAH REALLY WISH I DIDN’T HAVE TO WRITE THE REST OF PRINCE AND KING BUT WELP IT’S MY FIC AND I’VE COME THIS FAR SO I GOTTA FINISH IT RIP. I just reaaaaaally crave the day I can slap a COMPLETED on it :’’’’D

O: How do you begin a story–with the plot, or the characters?

The plot! Mainly because fanfic so the chars already exist lmao. I usually start with one thing that catches my interest, and work out from there. Sometimes my AUs start from dreams, like Demon Prince started because I had a dream Yugi was a demon in jail trying to seduce Atem to come work for him so lmao there u go.

P: Are you what George R. R. Martin would call an “architect” or a “gardener”? (How much do you plan in advance, versus letting the story unfold as you go?)

I’m much more of an architect, because without a decent plot written out in front of my, in like a chapter by chapter format, I will easily lose motivation and focus because I won’t have a ‘oh yeah that’s what’s happening next!’ sort of thing. It helps with building up foreshadowing and stuff too for me. The stories I try to ‘gardener’ for I guess are the ones that often don’t see tumblr or AO3 lmao. AKA u will never hear of them because I have a few lmao.

Q: How do you feel about collaborations?

Interesting question! I suppose it depends what kind! I like collaboration ideas, in fact my first multi chapter fic The Living Daylights was a collaboration in ideas between me and my pal Ren! But I still wrote the entire thing lmao. I guess I like to have control over the writing for style consistency, but I think tackling the entire concept with another writer would be fun! I’ve never tried to write something with someone else so I dunno how that would go!

T: Any fandom tropes you can’t stand?

[kinda nsfw] INNOCENT PURE YUGI MUTOU WHO MUST ALWAYS BOTTOM FOR ATEM BECAUSE ATEM IS SEX GOD AND YUGI IS VIRGIN WHO KNOWS NOTHING ABOUT SEX. Listen nothing rustles my JIMMIES more than that that troupe which is EVERYWHERE in puzzleshipping. I don’t understand why it’s so popular??? Like, this isn’t to say Yugi 100% CANNOT bottom because he totes can! But of ALL the puzzleshipping I’ve ever read that involved smut, especially in multi chapter fics, Yugi topped like... once, maybe??? ???? That’s SO MANY fics where Atem almost NEEDED to top. It kind of feels like people were too scared to write it at times? Like some stories I could totally see it either way, but it was ALWAYS with Atem topping, always. I don’t really understand why people are so against Yugi topping in puzzle but auuuugh I just wish there was more of it u know? Like if I want top Atem material shit man I got hundreds of fics for that, but top Yugi? Man, I can list them on my fingers...

Long story short ppl shouldn’t be afraid to let Yugi top pls. I’m not saying he ALWAYS HAS TO TOP, but more of that than Atem always topping would be real nice? A nice mix instead of everything seemingly so bias would be cool? Sometimes I want top!Atem, and sometimes I want top!Yugi, isn’t that the same for everyone lmao. Like they’d totes switch it up all the time so why is there so little for top!Yugi? The mystery of my life lmao. Let Yugi Top 2k17.

X: A character you enjoy making suffer.

Probably Atem, sorry to the kid but he’s the one who ends up suffering the most in my fics opps. I think there’s like ONE fic where Yugi suffers more maybe? The rest is all like nope lmao soz bro but ur the punching bag ahaha.

W: Do you like more general prompts, or more specific ones?

(this is the one I picked myself lmao) I like really specific ones! I like to know exactly what I’m writing, and unless I get a burning idea in my head I’d rather do (not often) I’d prefer prompts that give me more to work with, or at least more detail than like a one line simple prompt lmao.

#ashes ramblings #yugioh #puzzleshipping #i guess since all my fics mentioned r puzzle lmao #also feel free to bug me about the fics mentioned and shit #I may invest more into them if ppl like them #i am still on the border about Lion Atem AU //strokes chin

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