#its exhausting. and whats more frustating is idk how i can even study or do anything anymore and im tired of making things work
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#diary#personal#...i got myself worked up on accident. so idk if ill be able to sleep anytime soon.#im just so tired of all the effort im putting in all the time. im just really tired and frustrated#i feel like im doing this all to myself but also not. like this feels like its all in my head and well i mean im not wrong but not right.#its just. why am i so fucking tired. why cant i do anything. and just. ive tried to do everything i can and in the end im so so tired.#and idk. i guess thats sorta why i gave up? like. im tired of figuring stuff out on my own. and everything upsets me.#haaah. i wonder what i can really do. it feels like nothing. im just really frustrated#like. its too tiring to try anymore. so ive just sorta given up on everything in a way?#idk its not good to do but. i cant keep going on like how i have.#ill make a routine. ill stick to it. and then ill burn out or get depressed or something! and then i cant anymore!!!#and just. nothing feels like its working. and no! i cannot do that thing that i should be able to!#and no!!! i cannot explain why i hate your idea so much!!!!#and people!!!! im so fucking tired of people!!!! i can handle limited interaction but this is too much...#like! i hate i have memories of the last few days or weeks! i hate this all bobing around in my head!!!#i like it better when i never leave my house!!!! i dont wanna leave my house.#like. a few people are okay. very few. the people i know and am comfortable with are fine. but i hate everyone else.#you all make me so tired and feel so judged and stressed all the fucking time!!!! im so tired of it!!!!!#its exhausting. and whats more frustating is idk how i can even study or do anything anymore and im tired of making things work#it isnt working!!!! none of this is!!!!!! and i dont know what to do! and i dont have any solution!#im so so so tired. of this all. god i wish i could lay in bed forever. im so sick of all of this. i dont wanna no more.#...i really hate myself sometimes. its hard not to. with the way i act. with how i behave. my literal inability to do FUCKING ANYTHING#drugs tw#im so tired. thats why ive been high all the time lately. it just makes things slow. it makes it tollerable to exist.#really. ive just let everything get sorta out of hand. and now im too tired to do with these thoughts and emotions#im exhausted. and im not quite sure what to do about it. like if i could get someone to help me figure out what to do id be okay.#but thats sorta hard to find. and im headstrong.... haaah. i dont even wanna talk about shit bc how do i fucking explain this.#LIKE HOW DO I EXPLAIN THAT NO I WONT EAT BC THERES TOO MANY OPTIONS AND I WANT THEM ALL BUT CANT HAVE THEM ALL SO I GAVE UP.#BUT NOW THATS DISTRESSING ME BC WHAT IF I STOP EATING AGAIN. so instead i basically just. break inside and it hurts just a bit more.#idk man. im so sick of this shit. i have so many things i wanna do n stuff but i cant see it happening bc im always falling apart.
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