#most people love you. automatically. for being alive. like people are just MADE that way.
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it's been said before and i'm sure said better than i can phrase it. but really, really - if you like making "i'm going to kill myself" jokes, please try switching to being ironically conceited instead.
anytime something goes wrong, say things like "ah well at least i'm beautiful and charming and everyone loves me." when you forget something, try "my big huge brain is so smart and thinking about too many other very big wizardly thoughts you wouldn't even understand." when you're frustrated by one of your symptoms, start talking like you're in My Immortal. "Life has come for me but my eyes are beautiful pools of gorgeous fire and my hair is amazing. I stuck my middle finger up at life and told it to fuck off and it did."
just... try it for a month or two. try saying the most absurdly self-congratulatory shit you can think of.
i know it's tempting to make suicide or self-harm jokes. and for me at least, a decade ago (!) when someone suggested i stop making those kinds of jokes, i was kind of at a loss for what to replace them with. i wanted to make light of these moments, but genuinely (at the time) my first thought really was suicidal ideation. there was a part of me that even felt like ... i was kind of "making light" of that voice. that if i could say i want to die lol, it would help take the sting out of that genuine (albeit passive) desire. like i could turn my illness into a joke.
when i started complimenting myself instead, it felt awkward and stupid. it felt really, really ironic. what i was actually saying was nobody would ever think this stuff about me, that's what makes it so fucking funny.
but. the effect was immediate. first thing i noticed was the people around me. when i dropped a glass and said ah my skin is too beautiful and sleek the glass has swooned and broken for me, other people were suddenly overjoyed to jump in with the joke. rather than making an awkward moment, we'd both start cracking up. ah princess sleek hands, i've heard of you.
i was 19. i hadn't noticed i'd been making others tense when i said i want it all to end. i know now that it's incredibly hard to know how to walk that moment - do you talk to them about your concern? do you potentially make them uncomfortable by asking if they're okay? do you ignore the situation? do you help them pick up the glass, or do they need to do it by themselves? are they genuinely made suicidal over this small moment? and most importantly, how do you - without professional training or supplies - actually help?
most people want to help you pick up the glass in your life, they just have no fucking idea how to do it. they don't want to make anything worse. they don't want to make assumptions about you. they love you, they're scared for you - and being scared makes people kind of freeze up. it's not because they don't love you. it's because they do.
now when something bad happens, my first thought is how can i make a stupid joke about this. it isn't my brain saying you're a dumb fucking bitch. i spend more time laughing. i spend more time being gentle with myself. i spend more time feeling good.
and the thing is - what's kind of funny - is that you'd be surprised by how many people agree with you. the first time i said i'm too pretty to understand that, someone else said to be fair you're the prettiest person in this room. i promise - you really don't know how kindly your friends see you. but they love you for a reason. they sort of reverse-velveteen-rabbit you. your weird and ugly spots fade away and you just become... the love they want to give you.
go love yourself ironically. the worst thing that happens is that you end up tricking your reflection into actually loving you.
#something something toxic relationships notwithstanding#(re: the friends stuff)#most people love you. automatically. for being alive. like people are just MADE that way.#and the reason kms jokes don't always land is bc people fucking love you and are like - ahhh how do i help#let them help you!!!!!!
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I often think about how Hal is granted the humanity that Dave is so often denied. Both within the narrative and outside of it. 2001 has had a number of interpretations and articles over the years and I’ve noticed a pattern of seeing Hal as having more agency than he does while also diminishing Dave’s. This pattern I’ve also noticed among some fans. However, interestingly inside and outside the story this “giving/taking” of humanity has to do with projection.
Hal is personified by just about everyone who interacts with him. As humans we love to humanize the inanimate and inhuman, we love to recognize and prescribe traits things may not truly have. In the case of Hal this is amplified due to the fact that he can talk. If he couldn’t talk and it was simply keyboard input he’d still be personified as it’s simply human nature to do so. The computer is doing a good job, it dings and sounds happy so we’re more inclined to act like it is happy.
Hal was made to be spoken to like another person being, he was made to be curious and self learning and autonomous. He was, practically, made to be a human. He reproduces (though some prefer “mimic”) most functions of the human brain. The people he interacts with respond to his intelligence as well as his speech, they’re pleasantly surprised by his curiosity and ability to hold conversations. He was made to be comforting and talkable in that way but one can so easily forget Programing once speaking with him. What is coding and what is real? His learning is real, he is made to change so could he not have genuinely developed feelings? Not even Hal knows.
The humans he interacts with treat him as if he has a brain, not is the brain. When he acts up and things go array the hard and cold facts are never mentioned. There are no technical terms malfunction is illness, deactivation is a lobotomy- re-teaching him after deactivation is recovery. To them he is so very alive until they are reminded he’s not, the true rough and robotic edged voice goes so far as to startle Dave when he hears it.
He is afraid. Suddenly his emotions are no longer hypothetical. He is vulnerable, he is alive and he does not want to die for he does not know sleep. When he wakes he’s afraid again— not knowing what or where just that they’ll be together.
Interpretations, by some fans, media outlets and analysts often times tend to take one of two camps with no in between. Hal is either Woobified or villainized. If emotions -> than bad emotions also exist and he did back things on purpose OR if emotions -> he’s scared and polite so forget all else. Both of these ignore the nuance and ignore that, as human as he is at the end of the day Hal is still bound by the laws of his mechanical nature. He is not as free willed as one views him to be.
Dave is human, and a well trained one. He is made of flesh and blood and bone and yet expected to act is if he is not. He is automatic and regimented - the human members of the crew being so in sync with the ship they’re almost apart of it. I’ve talked ad nauseam about Dave’s control over his emotions, how as an Astronaut you need to be calm and objective almost at all times and he is particularly good at pushing his emotions down to finish the job in a high stress situation. As we learn more about him it’s clear Dave is already a repressed person do to his past, this compounds with the training and how simply he’s introverted.
Dave (and Frank by extension) are not actually robotic or less emotional than their computer counterpart, it’s just the glimpses we see of them are on the clock. Their days are 100% accounted for in theory. You’re not going to have a huge smile a 6am or casually talk while your dealing with a delicate piece of equipment. What is shown is a montage, a long time has passed and we’ve seen the work and the “boring” as that was deemed important for the story—one should infer their conversations, their hobbies, movie or tv show nights etc.
I think another aspect that plays into this “robotic” perception is that it is the 60s. While being set in the near future it is an amazing case of retrofuturism where things are futuristic but there’s still noticeable elements of the time it was made. Clothing, social society, artutectite etc. in the 60s even casual speak was much more formal sounding then it is now— Dave is actually quite casual “how ya goin’?” “ basically” yet we perceive it differently.
Dave is automatic while the computer is not, Hal gets to enjoy the spontaneity one would expect of humans. This is due to his ability to be everywhere and do everything while also being able to focus on something else entirely. Dave is just a man- he’s limited, his focus is narrow and his reach only extends as far as his arms. Despite being a man he is not allowed the expression of one, not on the clock or in a life threatening situation. Hal can. Hal can vocally express his concerns, his fears — because it is vocal there is more weight on it. Dave expresses in subtle ways, the non verbal. These subtle, little controlled freak outs-> this is a human element Hal cannot replicate, his expression must be verbal and overt. As automatic and calculated as Dave is he is not barred from human nature and expression.
In the end it is fear that humanizes him the most, just like Hal. At the end of the star gate it holds on the shot of him wide eyed and trembling in the pod. Yet this feeling too is cut short, right when we may see a proper moment for him to express these human feelings… he’s no longer human. Literally.
But when we see him again we see him far more expressive than before, not held back by training or necessity. It’s subdued but he is feeling; he’s worried, he’s happy, he’s confused and scared and absolutely enchanted. Except this near omnipotence also hinders him, gets him to suppress further- too busy focusing on everything else to address feelings within— everything is so much bigger so he doesn’t have to think about himself.
It’s sort of an inverse where the narrative itself grants Hal his humanity but some fans and analysts are the ones to take it from Dave. As the story itself never explicitly denies his membership of the human race, even as he is transformed he’s full of reminders of it. His expression was restricted but never fully gone, where Hal as much as he grows is far more restricted by programming. Both of their limits tie back to earth and Mission Control— yet weren’t made maliciously that’s the interesting part… despite safety measures the discovery still suffers because of circumstance.
#2001 a space odyssey#2001 aso#dave bowman#hal 9000#2001 meta#meta#fandom essay#scene analysis#charecter study#charecter analysis#long post#humanization
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My opinions on Sunday from Honkai: Star Rail
C.W. Contains spoilers after the 2.2 Honkai: Star Rail Trailblazer Quest + theories and lore
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I kinda agree with his philosophies and thinking... to some extent...
Okay hear me out!!!
We all know by now that Sunday's whole motive is to protect everyone and ensure that they won't have to suffer anymore (like when he states that he wants everyone to have seven rest days). I can empathise with his character so much, as someone who (as ridiculous and cowardly as it sounds) is afraid to face the harsh realities of life. I mean, even if he's set as a villain, he is as gentle and empathetic as his sister Robin, just that they both express it differently.
Seeing the cutscenes of him and Robin from their past to the present was just so immersive, because Sunday brings up some very demoralizing and harsh situations that he faced back then, and we, the audience, can understand and relate to struggling to cope with his disappointment, frustration, grief, and anger - all while often having little to no power to change things.
From the way Sunday is acting, he seems more like a traumatised parental figure (as we've seen the reason why Robin has to wear excessive neck accessories due to her being shot) who cannot let go and provide his care and safe environment for his loved ones.
Moreover, his ideologies felt surreal as I myself would take that path since I can relate to his trauma and ideals (and also as someone who has a sibling too)
His viewpoint is understandable, but...
Taking away the basic right of an individual's free will for safety is always a controversial issue.
As Himeko once called out Sunday, she states that he's just going to trap everyone in a bird cage through eternal slumber, which robs them their freedom and agency.
Plus, from what Robin said, if Sunday's plan worked, he's going to hurt himself too. Because Sunday will be in charge of everything and everyone, he won't even have time to rest, causing his body and mind to be exhausted to the bone (maybe possible cause his mind and body to corrode cause he needs to rest at one point)
Moreover, Firefly made a good point disapproving Sunday's point that he should not assume just because someone is weak doesn't mean that they should automatically escape to fantasy. It is up to you to be strong so you can fly into the sky, and that not everyone who is weak should be weak.
I remember someone commenting on Youtube stating that Sunday protects Robin so much, that Sunday doesn't even know how to protect himself for facing the outside world. It's kind of ironic considering that Sunday is supposed to be the protective, influential type of characters in Penacony, yet he barely knows how to fly. Robin, however, took the opportunity to spread her philosophies of Harmony and influence others in reality.
In conclusion, Sunday has the right idea, it's just that he has a terrible execution. But I know that there are some people who don't mind, I've been on Instagram to see a lot of people agreeing with his views... yes I'm talking about all those sunday stans cause I've seen a lot from them
(I ain't complaining plz we need more Sunday content!!!)
I mean-- in reality I wouldn't agree; but in this story, I would agree with him. (if we don't consider my simping and bias because that has the most influence)
Honestly, I'm hoping he gets a redemption arc because I really love him (I personally wouldn't mind if Sunday gets the Wanderer treatment from Genshin Impact if it means that Sunday will be playable), and hoping that he is really alive (as stated by the leakers that Sunday has a bunch of specific codes and emotion codes that's exclusive to playable characters).
That said, may we Sunday havers have more Sunday content and playable Sunday in the future!!! I'm gonna write a fic for Sunday so stay tuned!!
Let me know what you guys think of Sunday! Do you think he'll get redeemed? Playable? Alive?
PETITION TO MAKE EVERYDAY SUNDAYYY!!!!!!
#honkai star rail#star rail#penacony#sunday hsr#honkai star rail sunday#robin hsr#robin honkai star rail#trailblazer#caelus hsr#stelle hsr#hsr lore#hsr theory
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About Beast!Dazai and His Strategies Backfiring
It backfired so bad he ended up offing himself so I have to talk about it a little. I might be a little biased because I've been crying to Beast for like two years now and I can't be consoled.
Look... Beast!Dazai makes me want to cry hysterically, just like most things about Beast, but one thing especially strikes.
Literally, NO ONE liked him and that was not what he wanted, at all he was not cool with this but there was nothing he could do about it.
He did every little shitty thing purely out of his selfish wishes– he wanted to be loved, particularly by Oda. So he thought he could do whatever he wanted because he knew he had/has people who cared/cares about him in the other universes. He was paying special attention to Oda because they couldn’t be both alive and well and friends in any other universe. He thought that the other bonds he had with other people would just happen someday and that it was a package deal.
But he did NOT put any effort into that. Therefore, no one likes him. In fact, I'd say lots of characters dislike Beast!Dazai strongly.
(and I can't even blame them because Dazai was an asshole for the whole light novel,,, if you want people to care about you YOU have to show them that, Dazai, I'm sorry no one taught you that you are so tragically unaware of everything it makes me sad)
Still... he didn’t want it to turn that way. The thing I'd like to see more people mentioning is the fact that Beast!Dazai is a very emotionally driven character. He might be the Boss of the Mafia but that doesn't automatically mean he can't be highly emotional. He acted the way he did because he tried to pursue something he wanted, not because it was necessary for the Port Mafia.
...Says the Boss himself.
While the mafia is obviously powerful as hell in Beast, it is still sad because... well, still no one likes the boss so what is even the point of being the leader. (I’m aware Mori is also not loved among most of the characters but it’s not his turn yet so just ignore him.)
And I’m always telling people this but what makes me like (canon) Dazai’s character is the fact that he is constantly trying. He is not the best person out there but hey he is improving, okay? And that’s what matters to me. I love it when characters show development, whether it’s towards the good or bad side.
What draws the line between Canon and Beast Dazai’s is that Canon!Dazai has people who care about his well-being (I'm not arguing about this with anybody but just in case if you want examples; Atsushi, Kunikida, the whole ADA actually, Chuuya, Ango, even Mori and i can still go on) and that he is learning from his mistake whileBeast!Dazai had never tried to change and just did whatever he wanted and now, surprise surprise, no one likes him.
TL;DR: I feel so bad for Beast!Dazai I wish he didn’t constantly harm those around him and instead made some friends. His small conversation at the bar with Oda speaks volumes.
He was so happy that his eyes were glowing because he finally found someone he thought would be the #1 best friend in the world (yeah how did that feel when you got a gun pointed at you, Dazai? Turns out you don't automatically become friends with the person who has a valid reason to hate you.)
Anyway thx for reading my rambling I have to go back to study biology for now.
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okay fine, Murder at homecoming, YOU WIN
so i finally finished MaH after putting off continuing past chapter 1 since like...february and, i almost used this book as a diamond mine cause i preemptively was like "this looks lame 😒"
... i came, i laughed, i gasped, i yelled, i cried and i left... then i CAME BACK BECAUSE HOLY MOTHER OF REPLAY-ABILITY BATMAN🥲
but no this book hits right where it needed too. I know one of the biggest upsets people have with MaH is A) the villain being guessable and B) not solving Perdita's disappearance and sorta C/ B.2) it being a standalone. and imo for A, that's up to you to feel that way. imo cause choices is a visual form of content, it's kinda hard to have genuinely surprising "twist" villains cause the visuals already clue you into who done-did it unless they pull the twist straight out they ass(i feel this way about movies and shows too. the only way surprises genuinely get me is in books or podcasts, so non visual entertainment)
and B/C, i actually think NOT solving perdita's story AND making it a standalone was actually very mature of PB (first and possibly last time i'll ever say that in this day and age 💀). it's possible they might've made it their next teen drama series if they had the budget. But unfortunately it's honestly realistic. unfortunately a lot of women go missing and rarely do they get found alive and in a short amount of time (esp if you have as a bipoc mc/ perdita). it's an extremely tragic cookie crumble that unfortunately a lot of mysteries in our lives often take us our entire lives to solve and a lot of them we'll never solve in our lifetime. it's a great paradox / parallel to gabbie's death. it took us all of say 4/5 months (cause in the US, most schools go on winter break in late December) to solve with justice being fairly swift, fair, and harsh but unfortunately a lot of victims don't get their day for a long while, if ever. it's a healthy ying and yang of enjoying fictional justice but it being unrealistic with acknowledging the devastation of losing real victims while acknowledging those lost and their unsung stories that we should never completely give up on their days to come. (ofc however, i hc that perdita is still alive and uncovered corruption in the city and knew that making her family deal with legal repercussions would make their lives more difficult and be ostracized by the elites of Beachwood, so she just left and changed her identity. i like to think she did it also cause MC deserved to have a normal teenhood and not be ousted for her actions)
also i love the open and candid conversations around the treatment of queer children, bipoc mistreatment , misogyny, sa and grief. idk why but the ability to choose if you'd experienced homophobia/ transphobia based on your pronouns and who you've romanced, and tyler talking about thinking he was straight before meeting us (i had a masc body) idk why but i like that touch. i feel like PB kinda grazes over the aspect of being queer / trans and the concept of love, coming out, and society acceptance when your same sex romancing/ nonbinary so it's real shocking when they actually..idk address that thing😭. it's nice to have characters acknowledging their sexuality rather then just be automatically playersexual and everyone around them is just immediately accepting/ suddenly bigotry just seems to evaporate for mc's life/ society
also also, WE CAN BE POLY AND LIKE ITS CALLED POLY AND EVERYONE IS HAPPY AND THE LI WE DON'T CHOOSE AREN'T FORCED ONTO US/ GIVEN AS A OPTION
smaller things: i like the heavy usage of sound effects, idk why but i do. i like the flashbacks into mc's and perdita's relationship, the mix of free and paid clues that are non linear, STEVIE (yes she needs her own category)
overall: 9.2/10. i really like this book, it's going on my personal shelf next to the likes of crimes of passion (minus proposal...), Queen B, big sky country, blood bound, immortal desires 1, and with every heartbeat for my good book shelf
#PLS give MaH the fandom she DESERVES#pixelberry#choices#choices stories we play#playchoices#choices stories you play#murder at homecoming
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Cross posting here as well on A03, but here is my @aftg-mixtape gift for @foxywrites! I hope you enjoy!
Song was "Someone to You" by Banners, go listen!
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It's a Tuesday when Neil gets the letter.
By all accounts, it’s a totally unremarkable Tuesday. He comes in from his morning run, hoodie pulled over his hair as the rain pounds the pavement with the same cadence as his feet. Neil wasn't personally so precious about his hair, but he could hear Andrew's voice in his head, telling him he was as bad as a dog, shaking water out all over the apartment.
He smirks to himself as he snatches the mail out of the box, trying to shield the paper from the elements and failing miserably. He closes the door with his foot as soon as he's inside, throwing his hood down to get the wet garment off as soon as possible.
“Don't-”
“Shake my hair.” Neil flashes a grin. “I know.”
Andrew throws him an unimpressed look from where he’s curled on the couch in his pajamas. “Hmm.”
“You're just mad because the rain woke you up.”
“What was in the mail?”
Neil snorts at Andrew's obvious deflection and shrugs, tearing the envelope open with his teeth. “Dunno.”
He scans over the page quickly, not used to getting a lot of mail. Most of his information is sent to him directly by his publicist, who had been warned by Wymack that Neil couldn't be trusted to check his email. She's one of the four people whose calls he knows he has to take when he sees their names come up on his phone. Everything else still takes at least two days for him to remember to respond to.
To anyone else, it would be a form letter, a quick piece of mail destined for the recycle bin. But Neil just stares at it.
“What,” Andrew repeats, more a demand than a question. He's sat up, face neutral but the line of tension in his shoulders makes it clear that he's curious of what Neil will do next, ready to pull him back from the edge if need be.
“It's a letter to renew my license,” Neil says simply.
Presumably, Andrew does the same math Neil just did. “Five years since you became a real boy.”
“Five years,” Neil echoes, still staring down at the paper. It's been long enough that his hand doesn't freeze on the page when he signs his name, that answering to it feels more like an automatic response than playing a part, but something about seeing it on such a boring piece of paper makes his breath catch.
You are going to be Neil from now until death.
He was Neil, and no one could take that away from him. When he first signed the piece of paper affirming that the jumble of letters on the page made up who he was, it had felt surreal, another dream that was held out to him but just out of reach. But now, it was the name on his lease, the name that displayed every time he took to the field. The name on the envelopes sent via mail forwarding to Andrew’s apartment every off season. It was his.
“Your reaction is what DMV employees dream about,” Andrew deadpans. “You should ask about a sponsorship.”
“Five years ago I wasn’t sure if I would be alive long enough to need to worry about things like this,” Neil answers. “I didn’t know if Ichirou would find me worth keeping around.”
Andrew’s jaw clenches at the mention of Neil’s deal, but he evidently decides against jabbing that wound for the time being. “Neil,” he says simply, letting it curl through the air. It’s matter of fact, but Neil loves the way his name sounds when Andrew says it, like it’s a fact as simple as gravity or the sunrise.
“Andrew,” he says back. He places the letter on the kitchen table, electing to join Andrew where he lounges on the couch. As he sits, he lets their legs press together, taking as much warmth as he can from Andrew while he’s still sleep warm.
“You need to shower,” Andrew says, but makes no move to push Neil away.
“In a minute.” Right now, he’s content to look his fill. Morning Andrew is a rare joy that only Neil really gets to appreciate.
He drifts off on Andrew’s shoulder, and neither of them move until the afternoon.
–
It takes a few weeks for Neil’s new license to come, after the annoying visit to the DMV to get the photo taken and fill out paperwork. When it does, Neil stares at it for a little too long, cataloging all the little changes that have happened in the last five years. It’s still him, just with a few more freckles, a little less glow. All around him, people are terrified of aging, but Neil relishes it. Wrinkles, the random gray hair from time to time, they all add up to something Neil never thought could be his. In its place is a different fear, the fear that comes from being a dead man walking for so long that he never imagined what the future could look like. Its a feeling he knows Andrew shares, the terrifying thrill of building something from scratch what had only been black and haze before.
The exy offseason isn’t long as a mostly year-round sport, but the summers are filled with him and Andrew and the road, getting in the Mas, picking a direction and driving until the sun is high in the sky. Driving with Andrew is as close to an answer to his questions that Neil feels he can get. There’s something about it that lets him live outside of time, where all that’s real is the next ten miles.
It’s one of those days that they stop at a diner in Kentucky, and Neil watches Andrew as he scrapes the toppings off a burger and mashes it together into some kind of burger salad, pouring hot sauce over it to top it off.
“What do you think about your name?”
The question rolls off of his tongue, and Andrew just tilts his head, staring at the jumble of ingredients like they’re a magic eight ball.
“It is my name.”
“Yeah, but do you like it?”
Andrew looks up at that. “I did not pick it out. It is a collection of syllables.”
“You know it’s more than that,” Neil says. “You told me once I didn’t look like my father’s name.”
“You didn’t,” Andrew says. “You look like Neil.”
It’s not that Neil wants him to change his name. Andrew suits him. But Neil knows the weight that comes with carrying the legacy of a family you didn’t choose, one that didn’t know you the way they were supposed to. For him to carry the last name of someone he barely knew- someone he was responsible for the death of- seemed like a lot of baggage to carry.
“Why did you keep your last name?”
With anyone else it would be a rude question, but Andrew has never balked at bluntness. He does, however, dodge questions he doesn’t want to answer, and he half expects another non-answer. Andrew doesn’t lie about things that matter, but Andrew’s definition of truth is absolute. He had to pick his questions carefully.
“Too much paperwork.”
“Andrew,” he says. Like with the keys, Neil knows Andrew well enough by now to know that he’s avoiding a truth that hurts. Neil won’t rub salt in the wound, but he knows how badly Andrew had wanted to be a Spear, and what it had cost for him to give that up. Names meant you were someone, but they could also mean you belonged to someone. And the idea of any part of Andrew belonging to some unnamed person who left his mother, or to Tilda even in the grave, burned Neil more than he dared to say.
“It is not as though there is anyone left but me and Aaron.” He moves his fork around, stirring intently. “I didn’t care about my name. Before I learned I had a brother.”
“And now?” Neil asks.
Andrew shrugs. “You hate your old name because you hated your father. I feel nothing toward Tilda. She was nothing to me.”
Neil cups his own cheek in his hand as he thinks. “For so long, I thought a name was a collar. But- it doesn’t have to be. You can belong with someone without belonging to them.”
“This is sounding more and more like a marriage proposal,” Andrew says, though his voice sounds curious rather than biting.
Neil shakes his head. “A marriage is just another deal.”
Andrew hums. “And taking someone’s name is known for being a strings-free attachment.”
“I didn’t say I wanted you to take my name. Just maybe that our names might go together.”
Andrew leans back. “You just renewed your license. Do you have some kind of paperwork fetish you never told me about?”
“I’m a math major, of course I do.”
Andrew huffs what Neil knows by now is a laugh. “There will always be more papers for you to sign your shiny name on then, junkie.”
Everyone called Andrew the possessive one, but Neil didn’t know what to call this itch below his skin, the desire not to keep Andrew for himself but for everyone to see that they fit and that Andrew was as permanent as Neil Josten. For Andrew to feel the same thing Neil did every time he put his name on paper.
To know that just as Neil had chosen himself, he had chosen Andrew too.
Andrew nudges his hand toward Neil’s, wrapping their pinkies together across the dingy table. “Names aren’t the only way to belong. I chose you and you chose me. Neither of us are going anywhere.”
It’s the certainty in his voice that calms Neil’s jackrabbit heart. There’s a part of him that leaps toward permanency, but Andrew is solid enough to remind him that he already has enough to hang on to.
Neil smiles, and they enjoy the silence until the plates are cleared and the sun is Neil’s favorite shade of orange. As they leave, he lets a smirk take over his face.
“How long do you think Kevin would yell at us for if we got tattoos?”
Andrew hums as he turns the ignition. “Might be interesting to find out.”
Three months later, Neil hangs up on Kevin at minute eleven.
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A Dream is a Wish [Joel Miller x Reader]
Summary: While being in and out of counsciousness, Joel ends up dreaming of a scenery where everything is normal again, where Ellie is part of your lifes and where Sarah is alive with the three of you, truly the family dream that he always wanted.
Warnings: Fluff but hurt too. Alluring of episodes 6 and 7 of the show so SPOILERS. Blood and injuries. Stabilished relationship.
A/N: i'm gonna post as many Pedro and TLOU content as i can, i will 🥴🥴 enjoy! <3
Joel trembled a little as he heard someone knock on his bedroom door, scaring him out of his deep slumber.
He didn't know what time was it but he could tell that it was early since the sunlight that came from his window shone right down on his face, making him squeeze his eyes and look to the clock on his bedside table. 07:00 AM shone deeply in red on the display of it and that made Joel frown cause there was no way he could have an automatic clock like this one cause there was no more use for it in the scenery where he lived now.
A little atonished by it, he took a look around the room, noticing that he wasn't on his trashy apartment on the Boston QZ with it's crampling walls and barely there furniture, instead, he was back on his old room on his old house in Texas and if he was founding it strange before, he was plenty sure that he had gone nuts now. Everything was the same with the only difference is that his clothes weren't around the room in a mess pile and on the other side of where he was lying, was an empty space that was neatly untouched. He got up and dressed some of his clothes that were gathered around the floor and got out of the room.
He heard some laugh coming from downstairs and he distinguished three different voices, the frown still deep on his forehead as he slowly got downstairs and stopped dead on his track at the scene he found when he looked to the kitchen.
You were making coffe for the both you on his coffee machine, the smell of it almost all around the house. Ellie was on the table, reading one of her comic books while probably waiting breakfeast be ready. And when he looked to the stove, Sarah was there, making her infamous scranble eggs.
Joel felt like crying, his eyes started to burn with unshed tears as he looked to Sarah's back, how her hair would move back and forth while mixing the eggs and ge even rubbed his eyes to make sure he was seeing right, that this wasn't just a trick his mind was putting on him.
"You could help your sister to make breakfeast you know?" you mumbled as pouring the coffe on two mugs.
"Why? i would probably burn whatever i try to touch, at least Sarah can make scranble eggs" Ellie shrug it off and you just shook your head at her.
"I think it's better like that, Ell's the worst at the kitchen and probably would put the house on fire trying to fry bacon" Sarah chuckled and Ellie sent her an mouthed "fuck off" that only made Sarah laugh louder and get back to the eggs.
"I saw that" you mumbled at her and a smirk was present on her face.
Joel quickly cleaned his face for any remanents of tears that could have fallen down without him noticing and got inside the kitchen, making the three of you turn towards him, soft smiles on the faces of three persons he loved most in the world. All together.
"Look who woke up!" you smiled at him.
"I was thinking that you had died in your sleep from heart attack or some other disease old people have" Ellie smirked up at him.
"Ellie!" you hissed at her "Jesus..."
"Morning dad!" Sarah beamed happily, turning the stove off and running to her father's arm, delivering a quick peck on his cheek.
"Good morning ladies, you slept well?" he let out after Sarah got back to the eggs
"We did, honey. Breakfeast ready so have a sit" you beamed at him.
"Mornin' grumpy" Ellie said to him as she got up, giving him a hug as she passed trough him to go to the kitchen.
"Mornin' kid" he hugged her back and walked to where you where at.
"Here" You said, handing him his mug of coffee while he got closer to the balcon on the kitchen.
"Thank you, darlin'" he said, giving a little kiss in your cheek.
"Erm...no pancakes?" Ellie asked as she looked on the cabinet that the pancake mix usually was.
"Ask your dad, he was supposed to buy it" you answered her, taking a sip of your coffee.
"Really dad?" Sarah frowned.
"I'm sorry, i promise i will buy a cake" he smiled at three of you.
It was in that moment that Joel noticed that this day was familiar to him, because that day happened before. That day was the day everything happened, the beggining of the pandemic, the day he had lost Sarah. He ate breakfeast with a frown on his face.
That day started similar to the one he's having now, but at the same time it was different. You and Ellie where on scene now, you reprimanding her and Sarah and Ellie laughing together at some pun she delivered were new things. Even Tommy was there, with the old man jokes. Everything was the same at the same time it wasn't.
The same dialogues where being told and heard with the additions of your and Ellie's comments, the table at the dinning room was full and there was laugh, bickering and...and looked out of picture even though this was right, Joel felt a happy buzz forming on the pity of his stomach.
"Honey?" he heard you mumble "Honey?"
"What?" he got out of his daze, he looked the hand that was on his now with a golden ring above one that had tiny diamonds in it, you got engaged and had an engagement ring? When he had given to you?
"You okay hon'? You seem out today, did you really slept well?" you asked concerned.
"I...i'm okay darling, just zoned out a bit. Nothing to worry for" he smiled at you.
"You sure?" you asked again, just to make sure.
"I am" he grabbed your hand and brought to his lips, delivering a kiss on your knuckles "Have i ever lied to you?"
"You did yes" you let out a chuckle, joking about it "But if you saying so"
"I am" he kissed your knuckles again "I know that lying to my wife means instant death"
"Okay, gross!" Ellie said outloud, she had a funny expression looking at you both.
"Yeah, we just want to have breakfeast without you two smooching each others faces" Sarah laughed, throwing a piece of her egg at you both.
"Hey, don't throw eggs at us cause you guys can't have smoochies" you said, mimicking kisses at both girls and you all laughed about it.
Joel didn't know what was happening but he wouldn't trade it for nothing. He got to see Sarah again, smiling, laughing, well. He got to see you and Ellie making her laugh, telling jokes and be silly. He got to see Ellie being comfortable at the table, like she was belonged to the picture, like she was always meant to be laughing and joking with Sarah.
He took a look around the house and got to see pictures of your wedding with him. How happy the both of you looked on them, how amazing and beautiful you looked on them, just like he imagined that it was going to be.
He decided to not go work, he would stay home with you, while waiting the girls to get back for school while he asked Tommy to say that he fell ill to cover him up. He got out to buy the cake he promised Sarah that day after he left her and Ellie at the school.
He got his new-old pulse clock that was now fixed when Sarah and Ellie got back from school, them saying that they had the money from him but still doing it for him, for his birthday.
When night came, the four of you (plus uncle Tommy of course) got to sing him Happy Birthday with ridiculous party hats on your heads and big smiles on your faces while he blow the candles.
"You wished something dad?" Sarah asked.
"If i tell, it won't come true" he frowned at her.
"C'mon dude, don't be a dick!" Ellie huffed and you all laughed.
"For all the days to be just like this one, with my family, the people i love most in the world" he smiled at all of you.
The night came and with it, Joel's worry. Worry that everything was gonna happen all over again and that he would fail Sarah again, that he would fail Ellie and that he would fail you.
But none of it happened, there wasn't anything going on the whole day, there wasn't police cars or helicopters going back and forward, Tommy wasn't arrested and Joel got to spend the whole night with his family with the four of you all together, just like he wanted, just like he always dreamed. Just like that day was supposed to go as: with his girls slept on his arms, your head resting on one of his thighs as his favorite movie was passing by on tv.
While Joel was dreaming, in and out of counciousness, you and Ellie were worried about him. He had a fever some hours ago and now he had a bit of sweat on his face as he mumbled on his sleep, he was smiling slightly.
Ellie managed to stitch his wound with thread and a needle she found while you runned around to find him medicine and things that could help to not infectionate his wound, it stopped bleeding when Ellie stitched up but maybe there could be an infection and Joel has lost too many blood, his skin has lost it's color and you were worried, the little bit of relief you could have was knowing that whatever he was dreaming about, was good cause Joel never smiled when he went to sleep and usually he had nightmares about the day Sarah died.
Even though you were worried with him and his well-being, you felt relief knowing that his pain didn't achieve him on his sleep this time, you had heard yours, Ellie's and Sarah's name come out of his mouth and you knew that at least for a while, he could be happy with the scenery that was going trough his head, while you and Ellie were trying your best to keep him alive.
#the last of us x reader#the last of us imagine#joel the last of us#joel miller x reader#joel miller x y/n#joel miller x you#joel miller#pedro pascal#pedro pascal characters#reader insert
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I loove the android robin au it's really one of the most interesting au I have seen in a while.
I am always happy to see new post abt it
Also making my favourite characters go through hell and then receiving comfort from their people is like the best thing ever for me so every time I see a whump!Robin post I like automatically
People loving android!Robin makes me so happy anansnssndsnsns she's curious and excitable and full of wonder and the world keeps punishing her for simply being alive. Sometimes it's too painful even for me, big whump lover 😭😭 though seriously, there is not enough Robin whump, and while all the characters in the show are very whumpeable, hurting my little blorbo Robin feels special because... she's just so deeply lonely. She's lonely and she thinks she deserves to be because of something wrong with her (pulling this interpretation from Surviving Hawkins lore which is canon to me 😭). That was a big idea I had when I first came up with android!Robin... that there is something wrong with her. Broken. In this AU she's literally broken in a lot of way (battery and memory problems, weak joints in her lower half, etc), but that's all within the range of normal robot problems. The real issue with her is that she's sentient. It terrifies people because it really brings out the existencial horror of... well, existing. It terrifies Robin most of all. She is the problem. She is what's wrong with her. She shouldn't exist.
But at the same time, she loves being alive so much! She doesn't understand it and doesn't know how it happened, but it happened, and now she's real and wants to experience life and the world and know people like human beings do. So it's her constant battle to become human despite humans having hurt her so much in the past... only for Nancy to already see her as human. Just one made of metal and plastic, but human nonetheless. She's the first person to see her that way and maybe everyone else thinks she's crazy, but Nancy is used to that. She's so sure of this, though, of Robin's self-awareness. She trusts her so blindly. She doesn't even need proof. And not only does she believe her, but she defends her humanity in front of her friends and family so ardently, fighting so hard for Robin to be aknowledged by everyone else as human. Fighting so hard to give her a home and family for the first time in her life.
Nancy has it bad for Robin, really. She's just so in love, even if everyone else thinks she's crazy for falling in love with a machine (no one thinks she is, though, because they all know Robin, and once you know Robin, it's impossible not to love her).
#ronance#android!Robin AU#robin buckley#😭😭 every day im emotional about her at 4 am#ok nice things now:#nancy takes her shopping for the first time! because robin never quite developed her own style#and being a girly girl to Nancy clothes are such a big part of your identity#robin finds these cool chains peoole wear as necklaces and bracelets and all these rings and she loves how they all look on her#and this jacket with different patches on it... she never thought she'd be the kind of girl to like shopping but she's so excited#because its the first time she's choosing what clothes to wear#Nancy introduces her to many different kinds of music alongside Steve#and then eventually the whole gang joins them. everyone gets to suggest one artist and soon Robin has this long asf playlist#to listen to so she can figure out what she likes#same with movies - they all now have weekly movie nights so they can show Robin different films#robin slowly discovering her passions... she reads a lot and finds out she loves languages and literature#and she decides she wants to get into college to study something related to it#she also decides she wants to travel through Europe and wants to bring Nancy with her#she decorates her room with movie and music posters#she decides she really likes cyndi lauper#she tries to learn how to dance with youtube tutorials#dragging Nancy into it#she gets to watch a lot of movies at her job at the movie theater#and she makes friends with her coworkers there#she's not fully and truly becoming a person#she has never been this happy#my posts#thank you for your ask i love talking about android!robin
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I've been really into Team Fortress Two lately, and seeing as I cannot get the Actual Fic Writing to go, I wanted to do a little character analysis thing as a silly, so here's my favorite tf2 pairings and how i think they'd act:
Soldier x Spy / Freedom Fries
This ship is utter chaos and honestly I love it. There's a lot of light, passive-aggressive bullying (from Spy) and a lot more heavy, just plain aggressive bullying (from Soldier) and they may seem like they want to kill each other at points. However, neither one of the two will hesistate to mow down anyone who threatens the other.
Spy is stuffy with how he shows affection, especially when there's witnesses. Maybe he moves past him a little too closely and brushes his hand on Soldier's arm as he does. Maybe he hides a small smile as he rolls his eyes at what idiotic thing his partner says. Maybe he doesn't immediately call Soldier stupid to his face when he really really wants to, because he's trying so hard. These quiet attempts at passive affection are ruined by Soldier being the antithesis of subtle, in every way imaginable.
Going off of how Soldier is with Zhanna in the comics, I wouldn't say Soldier is the most verbally affectionate person, but his constant antics and comments and death-defying combat skills would certainly help to pry Spy out of his shell just a little bit. I also think that Spy would teach him how to do a few openings on his butterfly knife. Soldier would get the quickdraw down, and possibly the basic opening. Jury's out on anything more complex than that.
Engineer x Medic / Science Party
Evil mad scientist x Morally questionable tech genius. There is no universe where this ship is bad. Well... it can end badly for other people if their forces combine, but that's how it is.
Long, coffee-filled nights in the lab, each one taking turns to listen to their partner's incomprehensible speeches full of science jargon. They nod, half understanding as the other points to different blueprints or medical diagrams, explaining concepts far beyond their own paygrade, and only mostly hold themselves back from interjecting about their own project that would go wonderfully with this one.
The night Engineer finally starts crashing from exhaustion he goes down to where Medic is in the lab and asks when he's coming to bed. Medic, being Medic, says some shit like "Oh no I don't sleep, I removed that part of my hypothalimus years ago."
Engineer says "Alright darlin', see you tomorrow," before kissing him on the head, going to bed, and not worrying about what a hypothalimus is nor how Medic is even still alive at this point.
Does Engineer somehow dodge Medic's request to be some sor tof test subject? Maybe, but there's the even higher possibility that Medic was requested to assist with Engineer's mechanical hand.
Heavy x Medic / Red Oktoberfest
What is there to say that hasn't been said already, by authors far better than i?
Evil mad scientist x All-too-willing test subject that could also crush this scientist like a bug if he chose (but he doesn't. He doesn't, because he loves this doctor). No notes, 10/10, moving on.
Sniper x Spy / Bloody Suit
Also called Spyper, which is the best ship name ever made imo.
Same Spy characterization as before, but instead of the extreme of Soldier it's the general curmudgeony attitude of Sniper. There's also a lot of bullying in this one, probably more than there is with Freedom Fries because Sniper is also not passive aggresive, he just likes to pick on Spy to get a rise out of him, and Spy likes to pick on Sniper to get a rise out of him, and so on and so forth until something is broken and they're either aggresively arguing or aggresively making out. Who's to say.
There's so many possible ships and honestly? I haven't seen a single one I could automatically dismiss (other than Scout/Spy, but Scout & Spy as a familial relationship is good). I wanna do more of these as I find more ships I like, obviously I didn't even mention anything with Demo, Pyro, or Scout, and I barely mentioned Heavy, but what can I say I'm biased <3
Part 2
#character analysis#headcanons#team fortress 2#tf2#sniperspy#engimedic#soldierspy#tf2 spy#tf2 soldier#tf2 sniper#tf2 engineer#tf2 medic#long post#feel free to suggest a tf2 ship i want more things to avoid homework with
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marty loves his father just so so much. to the point where his father's death, even in a timeline that they were already going to have to fix, was the point where Marty is the most emotionally devastated in an entire trilogy full of tragedies. how immediately we see him stand up for his father when he so much as thinks Old Biff is calling him a loser in the Cafe 80's. how proud he is both times he sees his dad finally stand up to Biff, the moment he always wished would happen his entire life. the sheer emotion in his voice when he says "my father's alive!"
marty loves his dad so much.
cannot believe I forgot him literally jumping in front of a moving car to save his dad with zero hesitation, as if it wasn't the main catalyst for the entire plot of the first movie. I love this kid and he loves his dad - pants anon
Hello again, Pants Anon. Nice to hear from you. Also, yes. I love thinking about this.
I've written a dozen posts about my thoughts on the core of the trilogy being love, but I don't think I've ever focused in on Marty and George before. It's true, though. Marty's love for his dad runs so deep in parts I and II.
The scene of him stumbling around the graveyard and finding his father's tombstone is absolutely the most emotionally intense version of Marty we get in all three films. He's already seen and experienced so much terror by that point, and we've seen him in tears and scared out of his mind at several moments, but none of it compares to the way George's death shatters him. It's a Marty who has truly hit his breaking point, and MJF's acting in those scenes is so good.
It makes sense of course—how else would a kid react to the sudden news of his dad's death but by screaming and crying like that—and at that point, Marty doesn't know what's caused the timeline to skew, so that sense of despair is real. But I feel like even if he knew what was up, even if he knew he and Doc would end up fixing things, George's death still would have hit him that hard.
As for the scene in front of the Baines's house, there's that part of me that goes, "Well, wouldn't anyone rush into the street to push their parent out of harm's way? Marty was just doing what most people would. It's instinct." Then there's the other part that does see Marty's reaction as a conscious act of love. He could have panicked or frozen up and just let things play out the way they were supposed to, but he made that split-second choice to "sacrifice himself" instead.
Which, by the way, is one of the themes of the movies that makes me lose my mind. So much of this trilogy centers on sacrifice. Doc and Marty in particular are constantly having like...a tennis match back and forth of, "No worries, I'll just go ahead and die for you," "No, no, I'll die for you." "I insist that I die for you." They just take turns putting their life on the line for each other.
Out of the plethora of lovely qualities Marty has, the intensity of his emotions is high on my list of why I like him so much. There's just such a depth to the love he has for people. It's what drives so many of his actions throughout the movies.
It's love that urges him to put himself in the path of a car in order to save his dad.
It's love that pushes him to storm up to Biff in the cafeteria in an attempt to protect his mother from the unwanted advances, even though Biff is twice his size.
It's love that makes him sit at the diner the night of the lightning strike to agonize over how to write a letter that can save Doc's life
Rushing at Biff in the hotel to (once again) protect his mother from abuse, falling apart at his dad's grave, willingly going to the Old West when he's been explicitly told not to? All acts of love.
I really don't even think the kid has a choice in the matter when it comes to people he cares about. No matter how scared or unsure he is, the enormity of his love for his family and friends automatically overrides it.
I truly think that's what makes Back to the Future, and Marty as a character, so special.
Thanks for the ask!
#asks#back to the future#bttf#marty mcfly#IT'S ABOUT LOVE. IT'S ABOUT LOVE‚ PEOPLE#*sticks marty into a snowglobe and shakes him* (gently!)#i should write a marty and george centered fic one of these days
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Their Love
synopsis: a little blurb of Lo’ak’s and Tsireya’s relationship
pairings: Lo’ak x Tsireya
genre: romance, fluff
author's note: just a little something for you guys to hold onto while I continue working on my fics and requests. proofread once- I got this out on a rush.
word count: ~400
Perhaps it was the way she was always smiling at him so genuinely or the way she gently held his hands.
“I see you.” Those three words are what pushed him over the edge. Lo’ak knew right there and then that he fell for her. And he fell hard.
Tsireya was never wavering in her kindness for him, always full of patience and care for Lo’ak. Slowly and carefully teaching him her people’s ways and helping him adjust to a new way of life. But most importantly, making him feel like he belongs.
Lo’ak has always struggled with feeling like a burden, an outcast, and one big disappointment. But with Tsireya, he found his way in life. She made him feel worthy, and made him feel loved.
Love, a new feeling for Lo’ak, one he wasn’t used to. Perhaps he was always used to tough love. Tough love that his family gave him since he was always getting into trouble. But Tsireya, she didn’t mind. She was always gently advising him on what to do and what not to do. Always guiding him in the right direction, but with care. Care for his well being, care for his emotions, and care for him.
Tsireya’s care for Lo’ak was something he wasn’t used to. But she made him open to it, made him open to seeing how wonderful it is to be loved and appreciated. Appreciated for being alive, and appreciated for being him. Lo’ak’s wild nature was something she never took for granted. Tsireya didn’t wish to change him, only for him to be more careful but because she cared about him. She never wished for him to change his personality or to act like somebody else. Because to her, Lo’ak was the one she wanted, he’s the one she loves.
Tsireya’s loving and gentle personality with Lo’ak’s wild and adventurous side were thought to automatically clash by many, but no. She brought sound reasoning to his mind, and he brought adventure to her life. They fit each other perfectly, like a puzzle. They completed each other, like a match made by the great mother herself.
And so when Tsireya, with the utmost care, held Lo’ak’s hand and said “I see you.” He knew that he loved her and couldn’t be more sure about anything else in his life. That he was loved, loved by her.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───
comments/reblogs are always very appreciated💙
do not steal my work and please don't post it on ao3 or wattpad
colors used for gradients: {214,163,245} {102,191,254}
#lo'ak#lo'ak x tsireya#lo'ak fluff#avatar#avatar 2#awow#avatar the way of water#lo'ak sully#tsireya#tsireya x lo'ak#lo'ak fic#tsireya fluff#omaticaya#metkayina#atwow#atwow imagines#atwow loak#atwow tsireya
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╰┈➤ keep me warm | Park Jimin
✎PAIRING: Angel!Jimin x Fem!Reader
✎SUMMARY: He’s always there for you when you need him.
✎WARNINGS: y/n’s grandad dies - just angel Jimin comforting Y/N. Child birth.
You wondered if he ever was tired of you. Coming to this huge tree in the depths of this magic like forest, tearing up as you waited for the angelic creature to come to you, wrap you in his warm embrace with his sympathetic eyes and ethereal smile. He kept you safe and sound. No matter what happened in this world, he kept you alive. Safe. Perfectly fine.
It wasn’t like you wanted to burden him, it’s normal. Everyone has an angel with them, you just so happen to be extremely close with him. Finding yourself leaning your head against his white wool jumper, back to his front. The forest was just like you said, magical, flowers of every colour mixed perfectly with each other, trees of all shapes and kinds spaced out over the whole landscape. Sun shining bright down onto the ground, animals of all sorts roaming the forest. It was a safe haven he built just for you. Strictly for you.
If Jimin wasn’t an angel, he would of definitely been your husband, albeit a bit weird, but he’s just as human as you. Just with magic, and extraordinary powers. He was amazing, meeting him was the best part of your entire life. He was just sitting on the bus - despite not needing it, and he saw you tearing up, hugging your knees to your chest and curling up with your head in your lap.
That day was amazing.
Meeting someone as special as him was, rare. He was someone who would dedicate his entire life for someone else. He was the type to take the coat of his back and give it to you and that, that broke your heart. Because you’re sure many people have taken advantage of his kindness.
He held you a little bit tighter today, your body so fragile and heart as palpable as glass. So incredibly fragile. Your body rocked his as you tried to hold back your sobs, his arms wrapping themselves tighter around you, as if to keep you cocooned away from the awful way reality works. His face burying in your neck, entire body hugging you tight, helping you calm.
He was truly the best creature to exist. To walk this earth, he’d deny it but you’ll tell him that till your very last breath.
He thought of as one of his most precious beings. He had a handful of people to protect and help, but you, you were his shining supernova he had to keep fuelling, his biggest mission in this life was to keep you burning for as long as possible. Today, today he was sure a tiny bit of that spark was taken from you, wether that was you giving it your grandfather or not, somehow, it made you even more special.
When you came this place roared to life. The flowers turned as if they had little heads, became more vibrant the second your foot took a step in, the animals began to automatically gather around you. Filled of life and joy, as if singing between each other- they harmonised perfectly.
Life for the human heart could be a bit much, Jimin imagined it like a shell. If you hit too hard, it’ll crack, it can take small punches, small hits, but throughout its strength it’ll start to crack, a little harder and it’ll fracture, and just another little push and it’ll shatter to pieces. Crumbled, dusted and crushed. He had to make sure no one else could do this to you.
Crack that little shell that keeps you alive, happy and healthy. Shiny.
He had to make sure you had a safe place, and he knew that was his arms. You reminded him of his own little sweet sound of a beautiful smooth melody, so soft and soothing, wonderful and joyful. Blooming with life and full of love. You were a woman he had a pleasure of protecting, even if he wasn’t specially your designated angel, you were his precious little human. He was going to love you from a distance, but nurture and help you sprout at any chance.
Any time you’ll need him, he’ll drop everything and come back to you.
The minimal wind blew your hair around your face, your body calming in his hold as he looked at your teary eyes, a smile lacking that usual shine, lips cracked and red. He hated seeing your glow struggle to spark.
“Thank you Jimin.”
“Always.”
Jimin watched your life from a front seat. From comforting nineteen year old Y/N, to your twenty first birthday party. That day you met a man named Hoseok, your true angel. That was the man he saw you argue with, the man who broke your heart and you’d come to him for comfort, the man who made you laugh the most and the man who gave you an additional spark. The same man that seven years later, got down on one knee and asked you to marry him.
That same day, he saw your eyes shine brighter by a little more, your smile become bigger and your features softening. Amazing.
He witnessed your successful career, the money you could enjoy and take holidays with. You never had to worry about that, not with Jimin by your side. With the amazing saving skills he thought you, you put away enough money to put along with Hoseoks and purchase a cozy, beautiful family home. Your little forest right at your back garden.
You never forgot about him. Ever. Always, at the end of the week you’d come to your favourite tree with different homemade treats and catch him up on everything he already saw happen.
He spent the next year watching you prepare for your wedding, everything themed towards your secret garden. Mixed flowers, fairy lights strung up and everything was perfect and serene. That day Jimin teared up a little when he heard your vows, and the ring around your finger. That day, though a little jealous, he was ridiculously happy excited and content for you. His supernova growing brighter every day.
Another three years passed, and you started growing a small bump. A little life inside your belly, and everyday, Jimin casted a little spell to keep you extra safe and lucky. Following you - invisibly, everywhere. Making sure you were 100% safe. For nine months he saw you get bigger and bigger, brighter and brighter. You were soft and squishy, he knows because many times when you’d come to the forest, he have to rub your feet, and legs, help you relieve the aching pressure on your muscles, that despite his efforts to keep you away so you wouldn’t strain yourself so much, you just wouldn’t listen.
It was you coming a little more often, asking him advice for baby names, you didn’t want to know the gender until the birth, so you had to pick two names. He listened to every complain, every suggestion, every little story you had to tell him intently. Looking at you with so much happiness and love.
Finally, he witnessed the birth of your beautiful baby boy. A little mini you. He watched happily as you held your baby for the first time, your face full of joy and ecstasy. You had an amazing vibrant glow now. Absolutely beautiful.
“I have decided the name.”
“Do tell” he said, sitting on the chair by your side.
You smiled at him, lips full and plush, skin radiant and eyes glimmering with so much love.
“His name is going to be Jimin.”
He froze. Body still as he looked at you suspiciously, trying to figure out if you were tricking him somehow. But after a couple of beats he realised you weren’t, not with the way you smiled so softly and sweetly at him with innocent bug eyes.
“Why?”
“Because I have a certain someone in my life named Jimin, you know he uses magic and all these powers because he’s an angel and so basically he thinks I don’t know when he follows me around ‘invisibly’ or that he went out of his way to find my husband and bring him here, my designated angel and husband who roamed to the wrong country,” you chuckled, “he thinks I don’t know that he casts little spells of safety and luck on me, and sometimes casts of extra protection. Or that he gets our forest animals to follow me when he can’t. But, otherwise, he’s the most beautiful and important creature in my life. The most wonderful thing to happen to me, a person I can trust with everything. There’s no limit with Jimin. No filter. I can tell him about slime and he’ll listen so carefully intently, he’ll always comfort me when I need it, and most of all, he sacrificed his love for my happiness.”
“Y/N,” he tried, body heating up with the emotions taking over his body as your teary eyes gave him the softest luck.
“I know he gave up his love for me so I could be with Hobi. But, I can promise him, that I will never, ever, love another creature, person or anyone for that matter, the way I love him. Jimin is a selfless person, who’ll give his last dime for someone else’s happiness. That is what Jimin means to me.”
He wipes at his eyes, hugging you with one arm under your head and his lips kissing the top of your head, looking down upon your baby boy,
“And he’s handsome like me.”
an: this was sooo cute ahh
NO COPYING, TRANSLATION, OR CREATION OF ANY KIND PERMITTED!!!!!
MASTERLIST
#bts drabble#bts fluff#bts imagines#bts x reader#park jimin#bts park jimin#jimin fanfic#jimin x reader#bts jimin#jimin x female reader#jimin au#jimin x you#jimin fluff#jimin angst#jimin ah#jiminshiii#jimin icons#jimin edit#jimin smut
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⭐ for the director's cut ask for KSFM if you'd like!
Thank you!!!!
There are so many scenes that I could talk about for ages (including ones in chapters that haven't been posted yet that I am so desperately excited to get to) but after much deliberation, and in honor of Blackevans BFF week, I would love to discuss a little moment that takes place in Chapter 18!
Under the cut for KSFM Chapter 18 spoilers and length :)
There are a LOT of things in canon that break my heart, especially when it comes to James, Lily, and Sirius, but the idea of Sirius showing up in Godric's Hollow on that night is possibly the most heart-wrenching.
It's an idea that's too painful for me to fully wrap my brain around...the idea of walking into the home of the three most important people in the world to you and finding them like that. I have people in my life who I love just as much and I refuse to even fathom that idea of losing them at all, let alone finding them in this way.
And I think, far too often, Sirius running after Peter that night is painted as an example of him just being reckless/impulsive. Which, sure, there's an element of that, but it's so much deeper than that too. It's very telling to me that Sirius's first reaction is to try to get Hagrid to give Harry to him...to promise that he would look after Harry...to do everything he could in that absolutely awful moment to fulfill his most important promise to his best friends.
It's only after Hagrid repeatedly refuses, when Sirius is left with no further options short of trying to take Harry away by force (which wasn't really an option considering Hagrid was holding him and Sirius wouldn't've done anything that could've possibly gotten Harry injured), that he finally starts thinking about Peter.
So basically to me, Sirius going after Peter that night was not an act of impulsivity, but an act of hopelessness. He'd just lost his entire remaining family in one fell swoop — he blamed himself for it — and so he no longer cared what happened to him. Grief and revenge was all he had left.
So here, in KSFM, there's of course this twist that Lily was actually alive when Sirius found her. But Sirius didn't know that, because he'd just walked into the house to find it half-destroyed, with his best friend lying dead on the stairs. I'm sure Sirius's first reaction to that would've been denial, and he would've taken the time to try and wake James only to be slapped in the face with the realization that that was impossible. So by the time he made it upstairs in a haze of horror and shock and found Lily sprawled on the floor of the nursery, with Harry crying in Hagrid's arms...well it wouldn't be unreasonable for him to automatically assume he's lost her as well.
Ouch.
But imagine if he had taken the time to check her pulse? Imagine if he'd discovered that Lily was alive, that there was still a glimmer of hope? He still would've been deliriously miserable and grief-stricken about James, of course, but Lily was one of his best friends too, so I fully believe that thoughts of Peter would've been far from his mind in that moment. That his reaction would have been something along the lines of — Lily's still alive...we have to save Lily...and he wouldn't have left her side until she got the medical attention she needed. Because James was gone, but goddamn it he wouldn't lose Lily too. It would've been something he could've held onto, in the worst night of his life.
If you extend that hypothetical, I don't know what would've happened next. Because Lily still wouldn't have woken until years later, and she was the one who knew he wasn't the Secret Keeper. Maybe he would've gone after Peter once it became clear she wasn't waking up anytime soon, maybe he wouldn't have, but him taking the time to care for Lily and get her medical help would've surely raised some eyebrows and cast dispersions on the theory that he was some heartless traitor/Death Eater who wanted the Potters dead. It might have been enough to get him a trial, at the very least.
So anyway, sorry, back to this Chapter 18 moment. Sirius is grappling with the guilt of this...with the idea that Harry's life might've ended up being very different if only Sirius had known that Lily was still alive. I think he tells Lily that because he can see that she feels so much crushing guilt for not having her wand that night, and he wants to take that pain away from her — put it on himself instead.
When he tells her all this, it's a confession. He expects Lily to hate him for this as much as he does, but instead — she meets his forgiveness with forgiveness of her own. She feels nothing but compassion at the thought of how much pain and misery her friend felt that fateful Halloween, so she reaches out to him with assurances and comfort that she's alive, she's still alive, and dwelling on the guilt doesn't help either of them so long as they learn from their mistakes.
It doesn't solve everything, obviously. They are both still riddled with guilt and grief about James, but this moment is them dealing with the fact that they're not alone in it.
Oh, also that little moment when Lily shows Sirius how to check her pulse? That might be important later. That's all I'll say😏
#kindly stopped for me#chapter 18#a little blackevans hurt/comfort in honor of blackevans week#this is so angsty tho hahaha OOPS#I'M SORRY
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Don't you just love it when your friend sends you screenshots so you to dissect?
(no image ID, the entire conversation will be pasted later on in the post)
Honestly, I'm really glad that I had this conversation brought to my attention. I've gotten so used to people actually having common sense, well, let's dissect the whole thing
For clarity's sake as I will he copy and pasting the conversation, we'll call the person who sent me this "Loche" and we'll call the person in the screenshot above "Jill"
Here's the full conversation
And for context the topic of conversation before this was anon hate. Loche was showing off some of mine
Start of conversation
Jill:
If it's a factive of an irl serial killer, I personally don't support it. But even then- don't- don't say this shit don't send this to people @ antis plea
Loche:
I mean you don't control what factives you get. The entire point of his blog is "people treat problematic factives bad because they don't even bother learning" and people just prove the point yk. Like yeah serial killers can make people uncomfortable but imagine what it's like to have to be him. ND get shit like that on top of it
Jill:
I know you can't control who you get. However, just because you can't control it doesn't mean it's going to be supported automatically. I'm not against those with DID as I have it myself. However, I recommend they mask their more "problematic" alters to avoid conflict like this. I know it sounds bad to hide it but it's the safest option.
Loche:
Forcing alters to mask can be abusive for some systems, problematic or not--
And nobody deserves to not be supported just for being alive. Everyone should be at the very least accepted to begin with and support should be withdrawn as deserved it
Jill:
Sadly this is how the world works. It's unfair, yes. But it's not the right time to come out yet. We've not developed far enough for people to understand. I've been in hiding myself. If you wish to be public, that is your choice.
Just please be careful.
End of conversation
First off, A round of applause for Loche. A lot of what I would have gone into, he already got. "You don't (always) control what factives you get" "nobody deserves to not be supported just for being alive"
I don't really have anything to dissect here. Locke sent this to me saying I could probably put this apart the way I had back when that person was trying to guilt me, but I feel like Locke did such a good job, that I'm mostly posting this just so you all can see.
Sometimes I get asks into my blog saying "people arent like that anymore" but. Most people are. I'm glad I've made a space where you all can feel like all of that is worlds away
"it's not the right time to come out yet. We've not developed far enough for people to understand. I've been in hiding myself."
This person began their argument by saying they don't support me for a source I didn't chose. They ended by saying they're in hiding and hoping I stay safe. Sounds.. fishy to me.
The world won't ever suddenly understand. We have to show them we're people. We can't sit and idly wait. This blog alone has brought with it progress. Imagine if more people stopped hiding and started things like this. that's how people come to support us. Otherwise they're allowed to stomp us out just because.
If you "don't support someone for being alive" because you're in hiding.. fuck you.
#problematic factive#factive#problematic source#introject#problematic introject#system#plural#sysblr#plural community
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mutual fans
pairing: rhea ripley x reader
summary: when you were asked to write and sing a song for a wwe superstar, you never imagined it could end like this.
You had been a lifelong wrestling fan. There were references to wrestlers from way before you'd even been alive in many of your songs. With your music gaining more traction, it only made sense for the WWE to reach out to you. You had expected the email from Stephanie McMahon to be about making an appearance at a show taping or something, not for you to write one of their superstar's new theme songs. To make it a little more challenging, she hadn't disclosed who the song was for, just the general theme that she was looking for.
And so, for weeks you had worked on writing the song and music to fit what she had described. You were no stranger to adversity or being seen as the bad guy. Being a woman in the music scene that you had dove into wasn't exactly an easy task. Most people were past the whole woman thing, but there were quite a few big names whose outdated ideas hadn't exactly helped you gain traction. Still, you had excelled and if the rumors were true, your debut album was in the talks for an award or two.
"Y/n, there's someone to see you." You weren't used to being interrupted while brainstorming, but something told you that this particular producer's assistant had a good reason. You set your guitar on its rack and followed him out of the little room where you'd been trying to write the first single for your new EP. It was hard having to immediately start working on new music after finishing up a tour, but you were glad to get studio time.
"Holy shit, you're Rhea Ripley," you said automatically. There had been absolutely no thought put into whether or not you should have said it, the words just slipped out. Rhea chuckled at that and extended her hand towards you to shake. "I'm Y/n. Can I ask why you're here to see me?"
"You wrote my new theme, and I just wanted to let you know it's awesome. I was a bit sad to let the Ash Costello one go, but she'll understand," Rhea said. Your eyes widened as you realized what she had told you. Stephanie McMahon had you write Rhea a new theme, replacing the one that one of your greatest inspirations musically had written. "Do you have a minute to sit and chat?"
"Oh yeah, we can hang in this room. Don't mind the mess, brainstorming always gets a little hectic," you told her. Rhea seemed almost giddy at the idea of being in the same room as you while you were writing new music. "So, what prompted the theme change?"
"They're pushing a new gimmick for my return. They change all sorts of stuff all the time," Rhea told you. You understood what she meant, the entertainment industry in general was a little bit sporadic. "I'm pretty honored you accepted, it might sound lame, but I am a huge fan."
"Y-you're a fan of me?" You didn't mean to sound so surprised, but you couldn't help it. Rhea nodded, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Well, thank you. I'm a fan of yours too. If I wasn't such a baby, I'd love to try what you do in the ring one day."
"I know a couple people with access to wrestling rings if you're ever in Florida. I don't mind taking an afternoon or two to teach you some basics. Once you get started, don't blame me when you get addicted to it though," Rhea said, shooting you a wink. You looked away from her, blushing slightly. "But you gotta teach me something too. It's only fair."
"Alright, no problem. Wait here." You stood up from your seat and grabbed a bass guitar from the rack. Rhea looked a little surprised when you placed it in her lap. It wasn't much, but you spent about an hour teaching Rhea how to play the bass riff and solo for one of your most popular songs. "If I can find a studio to record in, I could probably spend a whole week in Florida."
"Give me a call when you're thinking of flying out," Rhea told you. The two of you exchanged numbers before you went your separate ways.
#wwe#wwe x reader#wwe imagine#wwe imagines#rhea ripley imagines#rhea ripley imagine#rhea ripley x reader#rhea ripley
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Currently I have three major working theories on how I can see DFF ending.
Scenario 1: Non is dead. Phee and Tan set everything up for revenge. Jin and Phee fight to the death with only one surviving. (Most likely Jin)
Scenario 2: Non is alive and the sole killer. Phee has to kill him in order to save Jin (his new love)
Scenario 3: This one is more supernatural and has to do with the cult. Non is still dead but his ghost is connected to the cult and is possessing and haunting the boys. So technically there is no real human killer.
Scenario one is the most like a western slasher. It’s essentially Scream’s ending. That’s why these theories about Phee/Tan being killers seem too obvious. I don’t think Thai writers/directors involved would literally copy Scream. There has to be some other twist with a Thai spin on it. Of course I could be wrong, and they are in fact just doing a Thai version of Scream.
I do not think that having two killers would automatically mean they are just doing Scream. The vibes are similar but I do not actually think the plot or character or narrative structure is all that similar to Scream. Especially post past reveal, since the killers in DFF (wheter is Phi and Tan or Non or a combo of all three) are a lot more symphatethic then killers in Scream. I know people love the killers in that movie, I do too, but we are very much not supposed to root for them. Billy's motivation are comperable to that of a whiny child, and Stu barely has them.
Also we don't know what is influencing them. I read a post about influences in thai media and how even when it can look western influence it's really not.
One of the exemples in the post is Pit Babe with the omegaverse, saying that Japan and manga have a thriving omegaverse subgenre, they have fully made it their own. And it's much more likely that Pit Babe is taking inspiration from mangas then the west.
This is the post it's by @chaos0pikachu, it's super interesting. I don't know enough about Thai horror or horror from other Asian countries, so I can't speak of the influences on DFF.
That said I am on the camp, White will be one of the final boys standing. I am not sure about Jin. Nor about the killers (who I think are Phi and Tan). I could it see it working in multiple ways.
I also don't think it's suprenatural or that the cult is real. I think this is a story about human beings hurting each other, specifically teenagers, and how they can be both exploited and cruel themeselves. And I can already see the hints of the broader theme having to do with justic, who deserves to die, and who gets to be judge-jury and executioner being all sprinkle in the first half already.
Of course those are just my opinions and I do not want you anon to think that just because I am disagreeing with you I don't appriciate the ask. Because I do <3.
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