Queer Theory Song Analysis: 'Should've Said No' by Taylor Swift
Have we talked Queer Longing? Taylor’s music embodies Queer Longing. Looking from afar, seeing everything, hoping for nothing, and memorizing every detail because you know that this is the closest you will ever get to touching.
On the surface, this song can read as your typical country song: guy succumbs to his weak nature and does a good woman wrong.
But notice that Taylor never actively genders the character she is in dialogue with as ‘male’; we as the audience, who are socialized into a heteronormative perspective, will do this for her — because we learn to link active traits, such as pursuit of sexual desires, with maleness.
But the conversation that Taylor is textually engaged with in this song is really one of activeness vs passivity, where the passive position is given the moral weight.
Now the same socialization that teaches us that agency is the right and, quite frankly, the responsibility of ‘maleness’ also teaches us that passivity is the moral essence of ‘femaleness’. Women are damsels in distress who must wait for Prince Charming, who, in turn, may only settle down once he has thoroughly exhausted himself sowing his wild oats (though of course not with the chaste object of his castrated desire).
And while taking on the mantle of female passivity can be too much for any one person to bear, this weight can be particularly crippling for queer women, whose socialization may make them feel simultaneously alienated from and by their own sexual desires. Because when women are only taught how to be desired (and have to learn on the fly how to shield themselves from the often unwanted and sometimes downright dangerous gaze of men), it can feel incredibly disconcerting and even monstrous to discover oneself in the position of desirer, particularly if the object of this desire is another woman.
While the hetero read of this song is perfectly valid, I find that Taylor’s music always gains an additional degree of complexity when examined through a queer lens.
And this song is no different. What on the surface can read as the righteous anger of a woman betrayed by a man with a wandering eye and an open fly suddenly vaults to a higher gear when viewed as a woman mocked and taunted by her own unexpressed desires, which I think can be distilled down to two narratives.
On one hand, we can see Taylor railing against the ease with which a man can casually pursue the women he desires without consequence, while she holds herself back from doing the same, due to societal and familial expectations, professional ambitions and internalized homophobia.
On the other hand, we can see a Taylor who has bifurcated herself for the same of survival, into the passive angel who yearns but never acts, and the devil who lives for the hope of it all and occasionally slips out, only to be chastised and shamed into repent by the part of herself that retains the moral high ground.
It is this latter point of view I find to be the most compelling framework from which to examine this song.
We begin with the ‘socialized' version of Taylor shaming herself for her newly discovered desire of what she considers to be base and impure impulses. Against a backdrop of immense promise, this precocious golden child can’t help but feel like she has become something grotesque.
[Verse 1]
It's strange to think the songs we used to sing
The smiles, the flowers, everything is gone
Yesterday, I found out about you
Even now, just lookin' at you feels wrong
Taylor finger wags, she shames, she extracts a concession from herself. It was a one-time impulse, a singular loss of judgment, a moment of weakness that she vows never again to let herself repeat.
[Pre-Chorus]
You say that you'd take it all back
Given one chance
It was a moment of weakness
And you said yes
Taylor creates a mantra (turn if off, like a light switch, and if you can’t, well then REPRESS, BY GOD, REPRESS!), strengthens her resolve, and she reminds herself of why she has to keep herself in check. She has a reputation to manage. She shouldn’t even have to have this conversation with herself. Her eye should be on the prize of fame and success at all times. And if this rogue part of herself would be so kind as to just shut up and disappear, she wouldn’t have to beat herself up so.
[Chorus]
You should've said no, you should've gone home
You should've thought twice 'fore you let it all go
You should've known that word
'Bout what you did with her'd get back to me (Get back to me)
And I should've been there in the back of your mind
I shouldn't be asking myself why
You shouldn't be begging for forgiveness at my feet
You should've said no
Baby, and you might still have me
Unfortunately, she can’t put this genie back in the bottle. She can’t trust herself to stick to the script and behave, now that she’s seen what lies beneath.
[Verse 2]
You can see that I've been cryin'
And baby, you know all the right things to say
But do you honestly expect me to believe
We could ever be the same?
[Pre-Chorus]
You say that the past is the past
You need one chance
It was a moment of weakness
And you said yes
But at least she can handcuff the desirous self to her disciplined self, and blindfold her, and maybe tie her ankles for good measure.
[Chorus]
You should've said no, you should've gone home
You should've thought twice 'fore you let it all go
You should've known that word
'Bout what you did with her’d get back to me (Get back to me)
And I should've been there in the back of your mind
I shouldn't be asking myself why
You shouldn't be begging for forgiveness at my feet
You should've said no
Baby, and you might still have me
Oh, oh
The great escape! The prison break! The light of freedom on her face! The desirous self is not going quietly. And for a second, Taylor loses her resolve. She longs to feel and taste and touch and know! She begs the desirous self to dish! Will she just live vicariously? Or will she throw it all away?
[Bridge]
I can't resist
Before you go, tell me this
Was it worth it?
Was she worth this?
No, no
No, no, no, no
No! (You knew this was coming). The gag goes on. The desirous self gets lowered into the trunk. This is Taylor’s version. She is calculated. She is a business, man. And she won’t let herself get in her own way. She can do it with a broken heart.
[Chorus]
You should've said no, you should've gone home
You should've thought twice 'fore you let it all go
You should've known that word
'Bout what you did with her’d get back to me (Get back to me)
And I should've been there, in the back of your mind
I shouldn't be asking myself why
You shouldn't be begging for forgiveness at my feet
You should've said no
Baby, and you might still have me
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