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#a) she acts like she assumes im going to find it all disgusting so i have to reassure her its good and then also
constellunette · 3 months
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my grandma is the type of person where she can't just vibe she Needs to be helpful and prove that she's six steps ahead doint the Right Thing. and it's exhausting!!!!!! I am easy-going on purpose because I like my life being as frictionless as possible. almost nothing in day-to-day life is worth pitching a fit over. so many things are within the boundary of Okay 👍. and it's frustrating to have someone essentially refuse to take you at your word and invent problems for you to have so they can be the one to solve them. I am chill why is the version of me that exists in your head so profoundly unchill!!!!
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awearywritersworld · 6 months
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she mumbled that i was peculiar
sukuna x reader summary: impressively, sukuna is still trying to find ways to deny his feelings for you. nevertheless, he keeps you safe from harm when a late night trip to the store doesn't go as planned. will seeing his violent nature for yourself change the way you feel about him? he seems to think so. w/c: 4.2k (oops) tags/warnings: angst to fluff. attempted kidnapping. canon typical violence. depictions of blood. reader throws up. reader is in shock for a bit. cursing. aged up!yuuji. not canon compliant. fem!reader. no use of y/n. *please mind the warnings for this chapter* a/n: i'm sorry this took so long! im ngl, i struggled quite a bit to write this chapter. i'm still unsure about the pacing, but here it is anyway. thank you for reading and i hope you enjoy! series masterlist // masterlist
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it's not often that you go out for the evening, but tonight is one such occasion. you leave around seven, excited to meet nobara and maki for dinner.
when yuuji falls asleep a few hours later, sukuna doesn't take over right away. he spends a while in his domain, engaging in what some people might call sulking.
before long, however, he begins to feel restless and he tells himself it's because he's grown accustomed to his finite hours of freedom. of course, it has nothing to do with your absence.
so he assumes control of his vessel's body and pulls a short novel from your bookshelf. settling on the couch, his fingertips brush over the cover: the stranger by albert camus
it's the first time he's ever been alone in your apartment, a fact he's well aware of, and his eyes wander to the front door. it'd be all too easy to pull it open, to make his way downstairs and out onto the street.
how long would it last before yuuji regained control? are you nearby? would you get caught up in the havoc he'd doubtlessly wreak?
the thought makes him grimace. returning his focus to the book in his hands, time seems to pass by faster as he makes his way through the pages.
even so, he deems the narrative a bit boring. in his (what's the opposite of humble?) opinion, dead mothers and nagging girlfriends don't make for the most captivating story, so his mind begins to wander once he happens upon the quote:
"so why marry me, then?" she said. i explained to her that it didn't really matter and that if she wanted to, we could get married. besides, she was the one who was doing the asking and all i was saying was yes. then she pointed out that marriage was a serious thing. i said, "no." she stopped talking for a minute and looked at me without saying anything. then she spoke. she just wanted to know if i would have accepted the same proposal from another woman, with whom I was involved in the same way. i said, "sure." then she said she wondered if she loved me, and there was no way i could know about that. after another moment's silence, she mumbled that i was peculiar, that that was probably why she loved me but that one day i might disgust her for the same reason.
sukuna thinks about you— the woman who forced her way into his solitude.
although, what if it hadn't been you? what if the brat had been involved with another woman? would he have eventually taken an interest in her too?
are you really that special, or is he just going crazy inside the cage that is itadori yuuji? the latter is much more likely, right?
he supposes he prefers the idea of madness over... feelings for some human.
all of a sudden, your apartment door seems much more inviting. would it be so bad if he were to step through it? what did he really have to lose?
yeah, that's right. he'll get up any second now and act on every horrible impulse he's been repressing. any second now... any second...
he can't quite figure out why he's unable to bring his limbs to move, weighed down by some force that's beyond him.
it's at that moment the door clicks open and for a split second, he thinks it must be his sign to go, but then you come waltzing in.
"'kuna!" you greet in an excited manner, disrupting the peaceful quiet.
kicking off your shoes haphazardly, you make your way over to him and promptly drop yourself into his lap. it elicits a bout of unwelcome clarity for the king of curses.
no, he wouldn't have taken an interest in just anyone, that much becomes obvious. it wasn't through a medium as flawed as chance that he came to... tolerate you. you're much too annoying for that to be the case.
"hello???" you wave your hand in front of his face. "i'm home."
"i can see that."
"welcome home, darling," you say in a deep voice, a poor imitation of him. "i missed you so much— that's what you're supposed to say."
yeah, definitely too annoying.
"but i didn't miss you." one of his hands comes to rest on your thigh, a betrayal of his preceding assertion.
"you're sitting alone reading—" you pause to inspect the book lying open beside him. "existential fiction about a nihilistic frenchman. of course you missed me."
he changes the topic rather swiftly. "you're drunk."
"i'm tipsy, at best." you roll your eyes. "can't i just be happy to see you?"
"you'd be the first."
"i don't mind making history."
you place a kiss on his lips, casual and affectionate in way that makes sukuna's body stiffen, and stand up.
"i need to get ready for bed, then we're gonna watch tv together because i missed you— gosh, see how easy that was?"
you run off to the bathroom and his body doesn't fully relax until he hears the shower turn on.
the thought of missing someone is a strange notion to him, because it implies eagerness and desire. for as long as he cares to remember, those emotions have been reserved for proclivities much more sinister.
so he hadn't missed you. he just would have preferred it if you stayed home. that's all.
when you return to the living room around fifteen minutes later, you're wearing one of yuuji's shirts, and as far as sukuna can tell, very little otherwise.
making yourself comfortable on the floor between his legs, you pass a hair tie behind you. "can you braid my hair?"
he's watched you get ready for bed enough times that he's fairly certain he can manage it. taking the tie from you, he still asks "why can't you do it?"
"because i'm sleepy," you frown, reaching for the tv remote.
gathering your hair in his hands and carefully dividing it into sections, he sighs. "you require so much looking after."
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"you're not going to die if you can't have cookies tonight." sukuna states dryly, glancing at the clock that reads eleven o'clock.
"please don't trivialize my struggle," you begin, pulling on your jacket. "i want miso butter cookies— my grandma's secret recipe."
most of what you need can be found in the kitchen, but a trip to the store is in order for a few final ingredients.
"my mistake," he huffs, rising to his feet. "how insensitive of me."
"oh, it's alright. just don't let it happen again."
"sure. i'll keep that in mind, princess." sliding the apartment door's chain lock off the track, he does little to hide the vexation in his tone.
just as he reaches for the handle, you stop him and wrap a scarf around his neck, forcing a hoodie into his hands. "put this on. you'll be cold."
he looks at you as if you're crazy. "i don't have to worry about things as insignificant as the weather."
"well, put it on anyway," you insist.
he decides that acquiescing will be easier than arguing for the next five minutes and slips the hoodie over head. when you both step out into the chilly air of night, there are still a decent number of people traveling the streets.
stopping at a crosswalk the next block over, you begin to prattle on about what you need to pick up and the different steps in your recipe. naturally, you completely miss it when the pedestrian sign turns green.
"come on," sukuna commands, his hand wrapping around your wrist and tugging you along with him. "i don't have all night."
you scoff. "to be fair, i didn't say you had to come with me."
"yeah well it's late. you shouldn't be out alone." there's a hint of exasperation in his voice, like he truly had no choice in the matter.
despite that, once you reach the other side of the street, his fingers slide down your palm and thread through yours.
you glance over at him and find he's looking off to the side, so you bite your lip to suppress your pleased smile. is he avoiding your gaze intentionally? you decide that bashfulness suits him better than you would have expected.
offering him a light squeeze of the hand, you hope it conveys your appreciation of his small display of affection.
"so, are you going to help me make the cookies?"
his lips press into a thin line. "as thrilling as that seems, i don't particularly have a penchant for baking."
"you think you'd humor me a little! you know, since i'm your only friend and all."
"if anyone else asked me such a ridiculous question, they wouldn't live to see tomorrow." you ponder whether he's joking and quickly decide that he isn't. "this is me humoring you."
"you're so mean to me."
"hardly."
"fine," you pout. "then you can't have any!"
"now, hold on." the threat does make him hesitate. you've come to learn that if there's one thing he loves as much as reading, it's food. "let's not be hasty."
you're approaching the store, the sliding doors just a few strides away.
"it's only fair! besides, you're not going to die if you can't have cookies," you throw his earlier words in his face.
he exhales deeply. "have i ever told you how irritating you are?"
"woah! now you're definitely not getting any, mister!"
"alright, alright," he groans as you step inside. "i'll help you bake your stupid cookies."
"perfect!" you exclaim as if you knew he'd give in eventually (you did). "then you can start by finding the miso paste while i get everything else!"
you scamper off before he can tell you not to order him around like some common servant. he's never even been grocery shopping, how the hell is he supposed to find anything in here?
wandering the aisles, he stews over how domestic this is. for god's sake— the king of curses, shopping for ingredients and making baked goods. what have you reduced him to?
just as he considers giving up, he spots the item he's looking for and grabs it so aggressively that it knocks a few packets of instant miso soup to the floor. wrinkling his nose in distaste for the entire experience, he sets off looking for you, though his efforts are to no avail.
he wonders where the hell you could have gone off to when a flickering light catches his eye, filling him with a strange sort of unease.
it's emanating from a narrow hallway tucked away in the back corner of the store. at the very edge of the hall, a phone with a familiar case is lying on the floor, the screen shattered.
his blood runs cold, a sensation that is fully unknown to him, and the miso paste slips from his fingers. he appears in the hallway the very next second and the sight that greets him ignites a furious hostility in the center of his being— heavy and consuming.
you're struggling against one man as he drags you out of the backdoor and into an alley. another man is holding the door open, urging his partner to hurry up.
the hand over your mouth keeps you from yelling, but you're unsure you would have been able to make a sound regardless.
one second you're cast into darkness, and the next, the light seems blinding. the flashing is unceasing and it makes your head hurt.
two limbs are wrapped around your torso, keeping you firmly in place, and your arms are trapped at your sides. you might be kicking your legs, but they may just be dragging along too. you really can't be sure.
there's a thrum of a heartbeat at your back. it's pace is unforgiving, the intensity mirroring that of your own. you've a vague concern that your heart may very well beat right out of your chest.
then there's an abrupt shift in the air and a sickening crack echoes through out the night. crumpling onto the concrete, you think it must have started raining before you realize that the droplets on your face are warm.
you wipe at your cheek and your fingers stain crimson, the color matching that of an increasingly large puddle seeping across the pavement beside you.
there's a heap lying a few feet away and you recognize that it's wearing clothes. it's a sight you struggle to make sense of.
needing to focus on something else, your eyes find sukuna and the expression he's wearing is fierce and unreserved. "tell me what you wanted with her."
you've never heard him speak in such a way. his tone is low, his cadence nothing short of threatening.
"s-s'kuna?" your own voice sounds foreign to you and it goes unheard by him.
he has your attacker pressed against the brick wall of the alley, both hands wrapped around his throat. he's too livid to realize the pressure on his windpipe is preventing him from answering.
sukuna throws him to the other side of the alleyway out of frustration, the man rolling onto his back and wheezing to appease his lungs.
"tell me!" sukuna commands again, louder this time. less collected.
the man scrambles away from his looming figure. "th-they sent us, told us they needed her for an important matter."
"who?"
"they'll kill me if i tell you—"
sukuna crouches down, laughing dryly. "and what do you suppose i'm going to do?"
his eyes are almost unrecognizable to you. they're frenzied— a few shades deeper than the scarlet you've grown so fond of.
"you'll k-kill me either way, so at least i'll die with honor—"
"tch. useless." sukuna waves his hand, and you can hardly comprehend what happens right in front of you.
neat red lines appear across the man's body, then it ruptures into nothing at all. the only evidence that he was ever there in the first place is his blood.
the stench of which is perhaps the worst part— intense, coppery, and hot. it makes your eyes water, and before you know it, you're hunched over and emptying the contents of your stomach onto the ground.
sukuna is at your side in an instant, pulling your hair away from your face, but while one of your hands is braced against the concrete, the other endeavors to push him away.
his body doesn't budge at the contact, but he takes a step back anyway in an attempt to respect your wishes.
your mind is a mess filled with racing thoughts— what the fuck? this cannot be happening. what the hell even happened in this first place? that man was there and then he wasn't.
inhaling sharply, you wipe at your mouth and shift to pull your knees to your chest.
"what..." you trail off, surveying the unutterable, incomprehensible scene before you. "what did you do?"
he doesn't respond, though his features noticeably soften. somewhere in the back of your mind, you know very well what he did, but you can't help repeating. "what did you do?"
"we need to leave." it's not that sukuna couldn't handle whoever might show up, but seeing as this is your reaction, he has no desire to. "if you let me touch you, i can take us home."
you take a moment to think about it, then nod wordlessly. as soon as his hand falls on your shoulder, you're met with that same sensation you felt the night gojo teleported you and yuuji home after one too many drinks.
though this time, the sick feeling in your stomach isn't caused by liquor. you don't stand up, you don't so much as move a muscle when you feel the surface beneath you shift from concrete to carpet.
sukuna breathes out your name, his uncertainty evidenced by the way he's shoved his hands into his pockets. meeting his eye, you reiterate the same inquiry once more. "what did you do?"
it's almost as if you want him to tell you that he didn't do anything. that the whole experience was some disturbing nightmare.
"those men would have hurt you."
"that doesn't mean they deserved to die." you choke on the final word.
"yes— it does."
with that, silence hangs in the air like a suffocating miasma.
looking to your hands, you're reminded of the blood you've been spattered with. "i need to wash up."
you still don't move from your spot, too fixated on your flesh and the dreadful hue that it's been painted with. sukuna notices now that you're trembling.
he approaches you hesitantly before extending his hand. "let me help you."
you decline his offer, shying away from him. "i think you've done enough already."
god, the look in your eye is utterly despondent. he struggles to swallow the lump that forms in his throat.
his arm falls limply to his side and he looks across the room, your copy of the stranger earning his attention.
he's overcome with chagrin when he realizes that his concern brought about by camus' quote the other night was wholly misguided. he'd been focused on his own feelings, whether they were genuine or simply wrought by his isolation.
how foolish was he to ever question what you truly mean to him? with the anguish that's settled in his chest at the sight of your current state, the fact he ever doubted it makes him feel like a hopeless idiot.
had he any sense at all, the part that resonated with him would have been—
she mumbled that i was peculiar, that that was probably why she loved me but that one day i might disgust her for the same reason.
disgust. is that what you're feeling now? he's certain it is.
it was just last week that he relayed the story of his past. you're the only person alive to know the truth of how his wickedness came to be, and you met him with unconditional sympathy and understanding.
you pulled him close and embraced him, but now that you've seen him for what he truly is...? you can barely stand to touch him and it's like a knife to his heart.
you're so fucking warm— like the sun against his skin after weeks of endless rain.
and if you're the sun, surely he is the moon— cold and barren on his own, but brilliant when in the presence of your light.
to be without that? to be without you? it's a prospect too terrible for him to bear. it makes his stomach twist miserably.
you're startled (as is he) when his form falls to the floor, his knees meeting the carpet with a dull thud. he calls out your name again, but this time, his voice cracks as he speaks. "please."
he doesn't have a clue what he's even asking for. a chance to explain? forgiveness? a way to turn back time?
you don't say anything, but you do shift your gaze to him. he knows that he needs to fix this, so he wracks his mind for the right words.
"i didn't enjoy killing those men." he's somewhat surprised to find he's telling the truth.
"you didn't?" your voice is so small and timid that he can hardly decipher your words.
"no. my only concern was to keep you safe— to make sure they never put their hands on you ever again. all i felt was rage and... and... guilt. i should have never left you alone and it's my fault—"
"stop," you interrupt him.
there are tears welling in your eyes, making it difficult for sukuna to breathe. he's positive you're going to tell him that his intentions were of little consequence and that you never want to see him ever again.
instead, you push yourself forward and collapse against his body, your own wracked with violent sobs. the reality of the situation is only just now hitting you. it'd been much easier to focus on what sukuna had done, rather than what almost happened to you.
"i was so scared, 'kuna."
and still, despite the way you're clinging to his shirt and burying your face in chest, he's under the impression that it's him you were afraid of.
"i'm sorry," he tells you earnestly. "i never meant to frighten you."
"n-not of you. those men." you're struggling to speak in between desperate gasps. "why did they do that? what did they want with me?"
"i don't know." though, he is going to find out.
sukuna is not a man well versed in comfort, so he's not entirely sure why he begins rocking you back and forth, but he does it anyway.
when you finally start to breathe a little easier, he mumbles into your hair, "come on. let's get you cleaned up."
he doesn't give you a chance to respond before he scoops you up in his arms and carries you to the bathroom. setting you down on the counter gently, he searches the linen closet for a cloth.
it's quiet, save for your intermittent sniffling, as he runs it under warm water and wrings it out. his free hand moves to rest against the side of your neck and he dabs at the blood on your face, rinsing the washcloth every now and then.
he tries his best not to show it, but sukuna is agonizing over what might be going through your mind.
do you still feel safe with him? have your feelings changed? do you still love him, even when you've been so harshly reminded what he's capable of?
when you speak for the first time your words are hoarse, barely above a whisper. "thank you for saving me, sukuna."
he thinks about telling you not to thank him, not when it shouldn't have happened in the first place. he left your side, an error in judgement he'll never forgive himself for.
he considers your mortality— your weakness— in relation to his feelings for you. he's always seen this exceptionally human quality as despicable.
but now? all it does is terrify him.
"in the past, i was only concerned with my own whims and desires." his hand moves to cradle your face, his thumb running over your cheekbone. "though after tonight... you have to know..."
it's clear that he's struggling. his eyebrows draw together and his mouth twitches as he ponders his next words.
"i care about you, angel." his voice is hushed when he adds, "very much."
your eyes widen briefly and you murmur his name, but your mind is still reeling from the events of the past twenty minutes and you can't think of anything more to say. you're emotionally exhausted in a way you would have never thought possible.
it's plain to him too, so he knows his next question is selfish, but he can't go on without knowing. "does what you saw tonight change things between us?"
the silence preceding your answer seems to stretch on forever.
"i thought it would," you confess eventually. it was as if you'd put up a wall in your mind separating sukuna the king of curses from sukuna the man you spend your evenings with.
and it's difficult to reconcile the fact that the hands you saw used to murder two men are the same hands that are caressing your face so delicately.
at some point, however, you realized that the only time you felt fear tonight was when you were without him. his arrival and ensuing actions inspired shock and apprehension, though in some twisted way, you knew it meant you were safe. "but it doesn't."
the next question tumbles from your lips thoughtlessly. "does that make me a bad person?"
he chuckles and some of the tension in the room dissipates. "i think i'm the last one on earth that can pass moral judgement on you."
he tucks your hair behind your ear and scans your face, relief coursing through his body when he sees you smile. in this moment, there isn't anything else in the world he would have asked for.
"i guess you're right."
and now, the hand over your mouth is your own, an attempt to stifle your tired giggles. the light of the bathroom is warm and steady. sukuna's hands rest atop your hips, his touch firm but comforting. while you can't feel your own heartbeat, you're positive it must be beating in time with his.
when you crawl into bed that night sukuna pulls you close, your back pressed to his bare chest. you're thankful for the softness of his demeanor, because you need it tonight more than ever.
he doesn't recede to his domain until yuuji wakes up the following morning. he's determined to keep an eye on you as you sleep, to watch the slow rise and fall of your chest with newfound gratitude.
he knows he needs to speak with the brat about what happened. someone is after you and while he hates to admit it, he knows he can't ensure your safety alone.
and he will keep you safe, no matter the cost.
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missmastectomy · 18 days
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This is a vent post more than anything, but honestly? Despite the lip service I see a lot of gender criticals give to detransitioners, ime the Average Joe is a lot more likely to sympathize with detransitioners and to see us as fully fledged human beings. People who don’t know anything about the trans discourse aren’t ideologically involved and they’re more likely to approach us individuals first.
I’ve noticed a LOT of gender criticals and radfems basically view detrans women as “traitors” and assume the absolute worst about our motivations. I have literally seen radfems say shit like “well, I could never trust a detrans woman because she transitioned because she hates women and secretly wants to dominate me/rape me/enact misogyny on me,” radfems acting like transition ruins a person and that it’s impossible to ever come back from that. As if there aren’t literally women who used to hold all kinds of problematic/misogynistic beliefs who eventually snapped out of it.
For all the talk about how women need only be biologically female to be women, I’m convinced a lot of the most adamant GCs don’t see us as women. They literally just see us as gender freaks. They have this image in their mind of us as this weird in-between female, separate from the real women.
It’s so incredibly insulting. These people have a caricature of detrans women in their head. I highly doubt most have ever even met a detrans woman irl. It’s so stupid because most detrans women are very clearly female after they’ve been off hormones a few years. I’ve literally known women who were on hormones for years and I had no idea because they sound and look typical. Like, when I first detransitioned a lot of people thought I was male, but now I am gendered female and deal with the same shit as any other woman. And no, not every detrans woman will be able or want to assimilate back into her birth sex, but that still doesn’t take away from her status as a woman.
Detransitioners have literally gone through hell. Where the fuck is all this righteous indignation y’all level at these endos prescribing kids HRT, when you actually talk to someone who went through that? Fuck any GC who treats detransitioners like trash because you lack the basic human empathy to understand that what we went through was abuse. Most detransitioners nowadays started transitioning as children. CHILDREN. Kids who were traumatized, who had already been violated or neglected in some way. We were the ones who got swept up in a massive social experiment and we payed the price for it.
Some of y’all are repulsive. We are human beings, not pawns in your culture war. I see the same crap leveled at detransitioned men, too. Not every detransitioned man was an AGP fetishist that abused women ffs. I also know men who were gay or experienced CSA and ended up pushed into transition as kids. The way people talk to detransitioners and our bodies is disgusting. People calling Jazz Jenning’s SRS shit like a “festering, non-functional fuck hole.” What the fuck is wrong you, that was literally a teenager who was groomed into this is as a 6 year old.
At the end of the day detransitioners cannot rely on other groups, only on individual allies and ourselves. I am thankful for the feminists and GCs who sincerely care about we went through and want justice for people harmed by transition. The rest of you can piss off. Go find another toy to chew on.
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menalez · 11 months
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i agree that in the end there's no one we detransitioners hurt more than ourselves. and i too have to admit that it also hurted immensely to watch your favourite media personalities turn to gender shit.
i was gnc even before i realised that im a lesbian. i grew up in eastern europe, and didn't know that real love between women is even possible, that its called being a lesbian. everything around me implied that im bound to marry a man in the end, give birth to children and be a mother. and it was scary. i secretly dreamt of waking up a boy one day because then i would be able to marry a nice girl. when i got my own access to the internet, i was exposed to even more misogyny and it made me spiral even further to the point of dreading growing up, feeling disgusted and trapped in my own body etc. but on the other hand i slowly found about homosexuality and other stuff. and so i discovered other gnc women. famous gnc women. when i was a teen, i think i had a celebrity crush on Rain Dove(i still find her very attractive), and listened to JD Samson and LP. (i sorta built my own teen separatist utopia in my online space, when i only watched and listened to and read what gnc and lesbian women had to offer) it was like a breath of fresh air for me. and then women who were just like me, whom i looked up to one by one started to proclaim themselves non-binary and proceed to promote that rhetoric further. it threw me back so hard i got depressed. i was bullied by my dad for "looking too much like Jolie's tif daughter". it took me long to stabilise myself back. im still dysphoric, some times feel worse than others, but nothing i can't bear really.
now i don't think that those women caused more damage than my misogynistic environment,my school, classmates, dance class, family, social media etc., they just reopened the old wound in an unstable teen. but i can't help feeling wronged by them a little bit. i don't place the whole blame on them, at least not equal to what misogynistic society's done to me first. as well as i don't think that their fault as celebrities is anywhere near to anything that a regular detrans woman may have of feel. but i do think that people like them, who helped to spread those ideologies, even if it came from their own traumas and discomfort caused by misogyny, have to take some responsibility for their actions, once they decide to detrans or desist. at least for leading young, gnc, lesbian, mentally ill or unstable, autistic girl to the gender bs.
(thanks for reading my rumbling. i can also call my feelings very subjective, because i acknowledge that after all this time i still feel angry at the world, and at the environment those women had become a part of, that led a little anxious insecure girl i was to think there was actually something wrong with her. can also be the case. bc page's transition also hit harder than i wanted, even though i already was a radfem)
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btw shiloh jolie (john) is not trans, shes just a gnc girl and i think its awesome that her mom let her explore that stuff and called her john (as shiloh requested) bc its what allowed her to grow up to be gnc unapologetically rather than self-hating.
i get where ur coming from though, i think its a pretty toxic cycle in general, like many gnc women & girls buy into that ideology because of how it targets them & then further promote it which slowly impacts more and more gnc people negatively. i just think that people have a lot of unnecessary hostility and presumptiveness towards detrans people that acts like these detrans people were personally responsible for this cycle existing, as if they also werent harmed by that same rhetoric and aren't actively fighting against it by being vocal against it. that said, of course it's important to go against your past wrongs and to try to right them, my issue is that people assume the worst of detrans people & don't realise that its detrans people fighting against those wrongs the hardest right now, alongside gnc people.
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mytvd · 4 months
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why is caroline's hair and lingerie post-vampire bite her cutest look so far
omfg toe ring closeup
why is vicki so upset at jeremy feeling like she hooked up with him for "the drugs" after she accused his motives. what is her deal. my initial dislike is morphing into a burning need to figure her out
have elena and stefan even been "dating" for 24 hours yet? this bff/bf bonding hang seems so sudden
i like matt's instincts to leave elena alone, wow. so rare!!
why is mr. tanner's class now on the end of ww2??? i need to see the syllabus
he's the football coach too???? D:
if i didn't already know matt lives i would definitely assume he was destined from how decent he's acting to elena and stefan. why is he friends with tyler
i mean i get that in high school friends are often proximity-based but ugh
"stefan and i have watched every single person we've cared about die" lmao what a natural thing to say
is it important for the vampires to stay on the down low or what?? they are not being subtle at all lol.
if damon is supposed to be 25 why tf he is hanging out with these teens like this?? i get it is to mess with stefan but it's creepy. also what would jenna think about this. where is she
damon could be doing literally anything with his immortality and super senses. so far i am buying that stefan is trying to live a "human life" but damon could be sowing true chaos somewhere with a lot more going on than a small town in virginia. and amongst people with more interesting lives than high school students
the crow im speechless
i think i would find stefan much more boring if i had seen this show at an earlier time in life (especially while it was airing) but at this point i'm so beyond fatigued over seeing woman brutalized in the media and real life and the state of the world that seeing this sensitive guy trying to [presumably] genuinely appreciate small human moments and support his girlfriend is nice? and i like how invested he is in bringing damon's humanity to light (although it doesn't seem like he's doing anything to really keep him from killing non-elena citizens). maybe he gets more boring? also watching the way caroline and vicki are being treated by men is disgusting.
"you can have her when i'm done" dear god how does vicki stomach the presence of tyler!!!!
"yes it is, otherwise you wouldn't put an alternate meaning behind everything you say" okay elena!!!
tbh one reason i never watched this show is because i hated mia on degrassi so much that i didn't think i could handle a show where nina dobrev is the protagonist but i like her a lot on this so far! i was wrong
can stefan even pretend to be upset about damon killing mr. tanner
it gets addressed in btvs that the sunnydale cops are aware of the existence of vampires so i am wondering if the mystic falls cops do as well? like how many bodies with identical neck wounds could they bring in without connecting them to each other? also i guess i know sunnydale is a hellmouth full of monsters and idk if there are atp other vampires killing people besides damon.
oops i spoke too soon i guess stefan doesn't believe in damon after all lol
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genshinimpactlife · 1 year
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Finally getting around to resending the Zhongchi ask- I’m so sorry for the wait I’ve been busy trying to ascend my characters. Again, i hope this isn’t breaking any rules, as last I checked it was fine.
So this follows a sort of soulmate au, where they have matching ‘tattoos’ the sort of symbolize the other persons bond and they’re really bright and colorful. Once childe arrives in Liyue, he meets Zhongli and realizes that he this is his soulmate because he got the sort of spark that happens when you meet your person.
Zhongli, doesn’t react and childe thinks that he must not want to get into a relationship without knowing the other and starts hanging out with Zhongli, going on dates and hanging out slowly falling completely in love.
And then the osial occurs, and childe hunts throughout the drowning city of Liyue to find his soulmate, and protect him doing little deeds like dragging little Qiqi out of the way of a wave and getting injured badly, when Qiqi offers to heal him he insists that he has to find his soulmate and runs off.
He arrives at the bank and… Zhongli is there handing his gnosis (AETHER?? Get it? Gnosis? No sis? Yes i have the same sense of humor as cyno) over to Signora and childe goes through the whole dialogue, neither of them paying enough attention ti see his damaged state, and Zhongli just… leaves him there.
Signora does her thing and is a total dick and he eventually annoys her enough she burns him, resulting in his soulmark being scarred over and him being overjoyed at no longer having the claim of being Zhongli’s soulmate on him.
Signora disgusted by his joy insists he stays in Liyue for another week and he can’t exactly argue as she is technically the overseeing the mission.
Meanwhile, Zhongli after leaving has a similar tingling feeling and stares at his mark, and realizes that a soulmark has formed, and is instantly confused onto… well why? He wants to ignore it but catches eye of the leaving ships and realizes… crap. He’s no longer an archon, and is now human, and therefore has a soulmark and realizes that Childe has already left, the one person who was supposedly meant to be his and love him unconditionally left without knowing he reciprocated.
Im so sorry this ask is such a mess I can’t remember what I originally wrote and it’s like… midnight and I just finished packing for a 6 hour drive tomorrow. Thank you for writing for this if you do, and if you don’t that’s okay! It’s just an idea that’s running circles in my head. Add an ending if you want to this wacky prompt because I lowkey gave up, and have a great year! Once again, sorry for the mess this is i just had to share. If you want a more in depth better worded ask, i guess just uH- reply to this one or just mention 👾 anon because that’s what I tend to sign my posts with.
Zhongchi Soulmate AU
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Childe wasn't sure if or when he would ever meet his soulmate. But he hadn't expected it to happen in Liyue.
Childe had a strange-looking soul mark that nobody in Snezhana could identify on the back of his arm.
It wasn't until he saw it in Liyue that he finally knew what it was. It was Cor Lapis, a unique stone in Liyue.
He knew his soulmate had to have been from Liyue, and after a few days in Liyue, he finally found him.
Zhongli
He hadn't seen Zhongli's matching mark, but it didn't matter. Childe knew just from looking at him he must be the one.
Yet, Zhongli never said anything and acted as if Childe was no different than everyone else.
Childe could only assume Zhongli just wanted to get to know him first. So he started hanging around Zhongli, going on dates, and taking the broke old man out for dinners.
Childe was head over heels for Zhongli. He knew without ever having to see the mark that this was the man he was supposed to spend the rest of his life with.
But tragedy struck with Osial, and all of Liyue was trashed.
Childe helped a woman trapped under a large piece of driftwood, ensuring she could get to safety once she was free.
As he was searching for Zhongli, a piece of a building fell right on Childe's head. He could feel the blood running down the back of his head, but he didn't stop looking for Zhongli.
At one point, another wave was looming over the city just as Childe approached a disoriented Qiqi. He swooped her up in his arms and managed to take cover behind a building, keeping her out of the rising water.
Qiqi kept repeating in her monotone voice that Childe was hurt and she would heal him. But Childe didn't let her, just getting her to safety.
With no idea where else to look, Childe ended up back at the bank just as Zhongli was handing over his Gnosis.
The following events broke Childe's heart, as Zhongli didn't even seem to care about him being there. Neither Signora nor Zhongli even noticed how injured Childe was.
Left Behind with Signora Childe was bitter, harping at Signora enough that she ended up burning Childe directly on his forearm.
Even with how badly it hurt, he was overjoyed by the fact that the mark was gone, which only irritated Signora more.
Within the next week of losing his Gnosis, Zhongli's own soulmate mark started to take shape now that he was human.
A Cor Lapis on his forearm just as Childe had.
Zhongli had developed feelings for Childe long ago, but he couldn't be with a mortal until he became one himself. So he had built walls up to keep his emotions at bay… and now he drove his soulmate away.
He ran out of his house, heading towards the docks, only to see the Fatui ships already off in the distance.
He let his soulmate leave, and Zhongli wasn't sure he would ever see him again.
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I was a bit confused with a few parts of the description, so I do hope I got everything right 👾! I do hope to hear from you again, I'll add you to my anon list. Enjoy <3
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artsy-robotic-nerd · 2 years
Text
The Great Gatsby Book Thoughts
We all strive to be as ambitious and to dream as big as Gatsby however the book the great gatsby gives a warning on what we dream for and the corruption of money and the American dream.
The Great Gatsby is set in the 1920s right after world war I and before the great depression, and is entirely narrated by a man named Nick Caraway who meets a man named Jay Gatsby in the summer. Gatsby holds amazing parties at his mansion and becomes good friends with Nick who is also Daisy's cousin. Daisy is a woman from Gatsby's past that Gatsby is still so in love with and wishes to win back.
The best way that I can basically explain this book is this... have you ever had such a nostalgic memory from the past? Like a favorite candy you used to eat all the time as a kid and it was just so good and amazing and you worshipped this candy for years. And years have passed since you have had this kind of candy but you still remember it being so good. And then finally you get your hands on it after all these years and your expectation is that it is going to be just like how it was. And you eat it and it tastes like you ate chalk or pieces of gravel. It isn't the same, in fact it is the worst candy you have ever had in your entire life. Why do you remember it being so grand?
At first while reading this book I was expecting some great romance between Gatsby and Daisy, but towards the end you just can't help but not like Daisy because she is entitled and emotionless to others because she grew up in wealth. You notice that others who grew up in wealthy homes in the book act like this as well. The book in many ways symbolizes money as corruption from cheating to how they treat other people. I loved that about this book.
Gatsby and Daisy dated a bit in the past and Gatsby has this great love for Daisy. He puts her up on a pedestal and has this nostalgic like memory of her from 5 years ago... and he wants that back. Exactly what it was. Gatsby is a self made man and didn't have money and I know back in the 20s for a rich girl, I would assume would have to marry a rich man which is what Daisy does but I found it just so perfect for her character. She doesn't care. She is entitled even 5 years ago in Gatsby's memories.
Gatsby sees his past like we see our favorite childhood candy memory and he wishes to make it his reality. The American Dream to have everything. Gatsby doesn't enjoy his mansion, his pool, etc. But being with Daisy will make him complete, it will make him truly happy and he could die a happy man right? The American Dream can be corrupt in itself. We want and want and we get and get and once we have it, we want more or something else. Gatsby has everything now except Daisy. Daisy is the last puzzle piece.
He finally has Daisy and finds that she is uncaring and she is not what he thought. She loves Gatsby but she can't say she never loved Tom and in Gatsby's head its like eating your favorite candy and finding out it was just chalk all along.
In the end, Daisy hits Tom's mistress with Gatsby's car, killing her and still drives away. Daisy allows Gatsby to take the fall for it and just leaves, showing everyone that she doesn't care. I guess be careful who you put on a pedestal, who you worship because the husband of Myrtle (Tom's mistress) comes and shoots Gatsby in his pool at the end, killing him.
All the people born with wealth live on in their corruption always looking for the next big thing.
This book is close to 200 pages so it was a fast read and I just loved this book. It can be a little difficult to understand but somethings just get thrown in your face such as the symbolism for the yellow car. The characters disgusted me and I enjoyed it for that. I know im probably missing some other key points in my book review but while writing this it was a little hard to remember everything lol. I would definitely recommend this book and I would probably read it again for his symbolic moments and just the 1920s atmosphere it made me feel. The people in this story are truly terrible people and that is what makes the story good. I didn't like Daisy, Jordan annoyed me, Tom pissed me off (what a cheater), and I was cool with Nick and Gatsby (even though they have flaws).
"So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past."
And
“They were careless people, Tom and Daisy—they smashed up things and . . . then retreated back into their money . . . and let other people clean up the mess they had made.”
And my favorite quote...
“Gatsby turned out all right at the end; it is what preyed on Gatsby, what foul dust floated in the wake of his dreams that temporarily closed out my interest in the abortive sorrows and short-winded elations of men.”
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iwadori · 3 years
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are you going to do a 'when the haikyuu boys make you insecure' part with Iwaizumi / could I request that?
When they make you insecure part 6 (Iwaizumi,Matsukawa)
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Part 1 Part 2  Part 3  Part 4  Part 5 Part 6
Word Count: 2.8K
Genre: Angst, Fluff
masterlist
AN: Did I embedd myself in this story? Yes, yes i did. :3 (it’s only a small part dw loool)
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Iwaizumi
One day when you were walking to the gym to go see your boyfriend  
You overhear him and the team talking about some instagram girl
“She’s hot” you hear Boktuo yell doing a hoot as he fawns over a picture, with the rest of the guys agreeing.  
“What do you think Iwaizumi?” Hinata ask  
“She’s cute... I guess?” the rest of the guys, grunt in disagreement at Iwa’s lack of drooling over the girl.
“Well I see why you wouldn’t want her Haji-kun,” says Atsumu “you are into the more simple girls bro”
“Simple?” Iwaizumi questions, and the rest of the guys agree
“Yeah simple, you know Y/N... she’s simple” says one of the guys, with the word ‘simple’ rolling off their tounge with a tone of disgust.
“I guess your right guys...” Iwaizumi says “Y/N is pretty basic and simple but-”
You leave the gym before you hear what the rest of them had to say. When you got to your house you bolt straight to the mirror, you look at your outfit and frown. You never thought your style was ‘basic,’ to be fair you wouldn’t describe anybodys style as basic or simple. Of course, you weren’t like those instagram influencers, that wasn’t your thing. But Iwa has known that about you for years... but I guess that’s not what he truly likes.
You go to your closet and take out all the contents, just tossing all your clothes (even some of your favourite items ever) and dashing them in a black trash bag putting them to the side. You were already on a mission to buy a whole new wardrobe, going through all different stores and looking on pinterest for inspo.
You didn’t really talk to Iwa for the rest of the week, since you wanted him to see you in your ‘new form,’ you weren’t being radiosilent but you didn’t initiate any hang outs with him or face time calls (which he did find slightly odd, but didn’t think that much by it.)
Finally, the clothes came and you were kind of shocked at how much you ordered you spent over £200 on clothes from all different places. When you were trying them on, you liked some of them the ones that were kind of similar to your past style but not so ‘simple,’ the others you kind of frowned at since it definitely didn’t feel like ‘you’ at all. ‘This is for Iwa,’ you reminded yourself as your forced a smile on your face analysing yourself in the mirror.
You had everything sorted, your wardrobe was now changed and done the colours and styles you once wore before is now the complete opposite. You invited Iwa over, hesistantly waiting to see how would he react.  
When you hear your door knock, you rush over to open it and model a pose you saw one of those girl do trying to look as natural as possible.
“Hey babe ho-” he says, with his eyes widening seeing your new look “Woah Y/N!”
“Hey Haji..come in!” you exclaim with a beaming smile pulling him inside to the couch. “So, are we going to continue watching the crown, I watched the previous episode and god prince phillip is such a dick.”
You look over your shoulder and see Iwa still standing in your entranceway a bit awkwardly, looking a bit stunned. “Come sit down then, we’ve got an episode to watch.”
“uh oh yeah, sure” he says blinking, following you to the couch.
You got through atleast 4 episodes together, you barely talked as you were really engrossed in the show. Iwa was barely paying attention, he was too busy questioning how you were acting. This definitely wasn’t the girl he knew, even the way you were acting whilst watch the show was odd. The way you’d cutely giggle and ‘sublty’ look over to him whilst laughing at a funny part of the show instead of just doing your usual obnoxious laugh that he loved to hear.
“Oh Y/N, I’m going to go to the bathroom.” he says standing up, you don’t reply you just wave your hand in acknowledgement.
On his way to the bathroom, Iwa nearly trips on a black bag left outside your bedroom door. He opens it, and mildly gasped when he saw all your old stuff jumbled up in there. He picks up the back and goes straight back to the living room and stands in front of you.
“Haji, what are you doing you’re blocking the TV” you complaining trying to see what’s happening behind him.
He drops the black bag infront of you and you internally curse yourself for not moving. You stare at him waiting for him to say something.
“Well whats this then.” he says looking down at you, almost like a disapproving dad.
“Clothes.” you say smartly, knowing what he was asking.
“You know what I meant Y/N, why are all your clothes in a garbage bag.”  
“Because I wanted to put them there,” you wanted to seem as nochalant about it as possible as if putting all your clothes in a garbage bag doesn’t make you feel sad.
“Yeah but why?” he says sitting down next to you.
“Just because I wanted to” you reiterate “what else do you want me to say?”
“Well this isn’t like you, its just a bit random Y/N” he says
“I know this isnt like me you” you spat, standing up “Isn’t this what you wanted anyways.” You head to your bedroom picking up the bag with you, with Iwa hot on your heels.
“What do you mean this is what I wanted?” he says in disbelief “When did I ever say that?”
“It doesn’t matter” you mumble, you start to aggressively take our your old clothes and shove them back into your wardrobe whilst Iwa is just talking. You’re not really listening to him your just putting the clothes back.
“Y/N Stop!” he yells kind of knocking you out of your ‘trance,’ “what is going on with you?” he grabs you hands and pulls them down stopping you from what you were doing and he winced at seeing your tear stricken face.
He gently pulls you into his arms sitting you both on your bed, waiting for you to speak. “I don’t know what you want from me Iwa..” you start your voice slightly breaking “it’s just I did this all for you and you don’t even appreciate it.”
“I don’t know what you mean Y/N?” he says sounding genuinely confused.
“Y/N is simple and basic.” you say repeating words that you heard your boyfriend say about you, you feel him tense as you say it and you slowly get out of his hug.
“Y/N I-”
“That really hurt Hajime, I know now that I'm not your ‘type’ but I-”
“No Y/N, you are my type of course you are!” he says gulping in nervousness “I love you, and your style. I’ve always being enamored by how you dress and present yourself and I don���t know why I even said you’re basic and simple I didn’t mean it that way.”
“Really?” you say sniffling looking down
“Yes really you idiot,” he says lifting your head up “To be fair I don’t care what you wear, since you look great in anthing I just want you to be happy Y/N and especially not dress for anyone including me. Okay?”
“Okay,” you agree slightly nodding your head.
“Good, so can we go and finish the crown and then burn all these clothes?” Iwa jokes as he stands up.
“Burn them!” you exclaim “These cost £200, you muppet.”
“£200! Gosh Y/N, next time you go shopping im definitely coming with you.” he says shaking his head “can’t have you blowing out your bank account for clothes you don’t even like that much.”
You spend the rest of the day finishing of The Crown and you and Iwa eventually both sort out your wardrobe. Your style and aethetic changes a lot more through the times you were together and Iwa was very supportive and helpful of every single change. Especially *insert your favourite dress aesthetic here.*
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Matsukawa
You were walking with your friends; Iwa, Tooru, Maki and your boyfriend Matsun. Walking to school as you did every morning, today the topic of conversation was Tooru’s bad taste in women.
“Gosh yesterday was horrible, she didn’t want to talk to me at all,” he complained “all she wanted to do was to come straight to my place, I didn’t even have the chance to tell her my hair routine.”
“That’s why you don’t find dates off of Tinder shittykawa” grunted Iwaizumi
“Well I know that now!” he exclaimed.
“Y/N,” said Makki grasping your attention “Would you ever use Tinder?”
“Well I-”
“Of course she wouldn’t” your boyfriend interrupted wrapping his arm round your shoulder “she’s got me”
“Yeah, but if you two weren’t together, would you use it.”
“Well may-”  
“Y/N definitely wouldn’t” he said interrupting you AGAIN “she’s way to frigid for that shit”
Frigid? You thought to yourself, ouch. Their was a quick awkward silence and all you could hear was Matsukawa laughing with the others laughing after awkwardly in pursuit. After sensing your uncomfortability (is that a word?) Oikawa decides to change the subject to make things less awkward,
“I need a woman who understands me!” he rants “One that can listen to me and appreciate my awesome hair.”
“Goodluck with that Shittykawa.”  
Oikawa rambles on as you walk to school with the other guys chiming in. You on the other hand, were lost in thought. Your sex life wasn’t something you would want to publicly talk about let alone to you and your boyfriends' male friends. Also, with Matsun describing you as ‘frigid’ struck a nerve. You weren’t frigid, well at least to you, you weren’t.  
When you got to school you immediately rushed straight to your lesson claiming that you teacher really needed to talk to you. Which was odd to Matsukawa as you usually all hung around each other until the bell rang, the other boys gave each other knowing looks all assuming the reasons for your odd behaviour.
At lunch time, you stayed in your class instead of going up to the roof where you and your friends usually end up. In the class room you hear one of the girls in your class, Empress having one of her usual gossip conversations with her group of friends.
“Hajime is so hot!” she said, fanning her face being dramatic  
“Of course he is! You should totally go for him.” her friend said and the rest of the friends agreed.
“What do you think Y/N?” she says to you catching your attention “you’re close friends with him right?”
“Yeah, I am” you say a bit sadly “You should definitely go for him, I think you’d be perfect together.”
“Okay! I think I might later” she says smiling. Her and friends leave, but then Empress returns and walks straight to you.
“Are you alright doll?” she asks softly smiling
“I guess so..” you say hesitantly “It’s just something my boyfriend said to me this morning.”
“Matsun?” she asks and you nod in reply “What did he say?”
After you rehash the situation from this morning Empress scowls in annoyance, “Boys can be such pigs sometimes, such a dick thing to say.”
“I know right!” you respond “Even if I was frigid, which im totally not it’s not even a bad thing nor is it something to reveal to people in public in a ‘jokey’ way.”
“Yeah!” she agrees “I think you should go and give him a piece of your mind.”
“I mean...” your voice falters, when it comes to Matsun you’ve never really given him a ‘piece of your mind,’ even when he makes jokes that you’re not so fond of.
“Come on!” she encourages “I’ll come with you and cheer you on.”
“You just want to come to see Iwa Empress” you say pointedly “But fine let’s go.”
You both power walk to the roof where you see the four seijoh boys sitting down and eating. “Oh hi Y/N/-chan and look Iwa its Emp-chan... isn’t that a surprise!” Iwa blushes and the rest of the guys laugh.
You walk straight up to Matsun and stand right infront of him. “Matsukawa I need to talk to you,” you say folding your arms. “Why whats up babe?” he says, still sitting down with a cheeky grin on his face.
“Alone.” you say turning around walking to a secluded spot. Behind you, you hear Matsun get up and the rest of the boys saying “oooh Matsukawa your in trouble” as they laugh.
“What’s wrong with you today Y/N?” he asks slightly accusatorily.  
“I didn’t appreciate the comment you made today on the way to school,” you say with your arms folded.
“Oh that little comment about you being frigid, come on it was just a joke I wasn’t being serious.” he says lightly laughing but he stops once he sees the glare you give him ”you knew it was a joke right?”
“Matsun, some are your jokes just aren’t funny,” you say “especially when they're about me and our sex life in front of our friends too.”
“Y/N I didn’t mea-”
“You just come off as a huge dick sometimes, and I can’t do this anymore if you keep on making these comments anymore I don’t think I can do this.”
“Woah Y/N, are you threatening to break up with me?” he asks “Over a few little comments?”
“These aren’t a few little comments, sometimes what you say is just unnecessary and rude.”
“Okay well...”
“Well...” you repeat staring at him waiting for to apologise or atleast say something, “fuck you Matsukawa.”
You storm away and walk bout to the group saying “Empress lets go.” She jumps of Iwa’s lap and waves by to them following you back down to the school. You walk into the bathroom and just start to cry, “Y/N whats wrong?” Empress says pulling you into a hug  
“H-He doesn’t care,” you cry “He pretty much excused his stupid comments, passing them off as little ‘jokes,’ that didn’t apparently mean anything.”
“Oh dear,” Empress says consoling you “he’s not worth your time right now.”
“B-but but I love him.” you wail fat tears streaming down your face.
“I know sweetheart, I know,” she says letting go of the hug “so what do you wanna do about him?”
“I don’t know,” you say “I don’t want to break up with him or anything, but is there a point in staying if he’s just going to make these comments again.”
“I don’t know Y/N, but whatever you wanna do I’ll support. Wether it’s keying his car or reading shitty fanfiction and crying.” Empress says making you laugh.
The final bell rings and now it's time to go home, of course you don’t walk with the guys so you just enjoy your own company walking home.
“Y/N! Y/N!” you hear from behind you and of course the only person it can be is Matsukawa.
“What do you want?” you mumbled  
“I..I want too” he says heaving out of breath from the running he had to do “I want to apologise. I need do.”
“Okay...” you respond
“Im sorry, Im so so sorry,” he says “those jokes and comments were stupid and I agree I can be a dick sometimes. Well a lot of the time, but I never wanted to be a dick to you.”
“Well you were.”
“I know I was, and I’m so sorry. There’s no excuse what I said and what I have said before I just hope I can make it up to you.”
“Okay then.”
“So are we not broken up?”
“No we’re not broken up, but it’ll take a lot of making up to do for me to fully forgive you.”
“Great! And I'll spend every day to get you to forgive me.”
Which he did, he spent every day showering you with love and affection. He was way better than he was before, you even went on double dates with Oikawa and his flavour of the week and triple dates with Iwa and his girlfriend. Matsukawa, although he still made jokes, he never targeted them and centered them around you in an insulting way.
AN: I didn’t really like the matsukawa one since i couldn’t really write for him properyl sooo sorry bout that one kids.
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jangofctts · 3 years
Text
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Anything at All (boba fett x fem!reader) (part one) (part two) 
Rated: Explicit 18+
Word Count: 4.7k
Warnings: smut, even mORE thrONE fucking, oral sex (f receiving), boba’s a biter, unprotected sex (dont be silly, wrap thAT wiLLY), vaginal fingering, explicit language, boba is a grouchy dom kwjhgjh       
a/n: anyway I think yall forget im a writer and not just a Certified Clown, but anywAy here we be. HAPPY NEW YEARS ya FILTHY anIMALS im so thankful for all yall and im glad I can provide you with some entertainment kaejhejhr
  You haven’t seen Boba Fett in days. 
Called away on business you’ll never be included in or know the fine details about. It’s not kept away from you because he doesn’t trust you, or thinks you’re a mindless idiot—no—he’d rather keep his princess occupied with prettier things. No need to concern yourself with the the underbelly of what he now rules. 
You’re not upset about it—you’re not really a fan of watching petty squabbles that’ll result in someone’s chest being imploded by a blaster. You’ve seen enough of it in the cantina, and while you were never the one tasked with clearing the bodies out—it was still mildly traumatizing. Eh—no need to dwell. 
You’ve got other shit to do anyway. 
There’s a seemingly endless zigzag of secret hallways and dusty rooms within the palace, teeming with strange knickknacks and ancient artifacts that are more than likely cursed. Definitely haunted—but it doesn’t stop you from exploring or sorting through the useless junk. Besides—Fennec stayed behind, acting as your glorified babysitter for the past few cycles—ensuring your safety from both whoever dared step foot into the palace and the ghosts. What a lovely woman. 
Speaking of which—you hear her sigh and shuffle, shifting her weight onto her other foot as she leans back against a dusty crate. She picks at the dirt beneath her fingernails, lazily glancing up every now and then to check that you haven’t eviscerated yourself on a piece of scrap metal or something. Lucky for her, all you found today was an abandoned crate of old datapacs shoved in the back corner from what you assumed to be some sort of office. Yesterday you found a sword that was promptly confiscated.  
“I’d be careful snooping around in those,” Fennec warns as your fingers find the on switch. “You never know what sorta data the Hutts were keeping here.”
You shrug and wave away her concern, reading over the information that flickers across the screen. “I think I’ll be ok…See?” You pointedly wave the datapac in her direction. “This one is about the finances. Spooky.”    
Fennec rolls her eyes followed by an amused smirk that ghosts over her lips. You toss it aside and root around some more, pulling out another datapac. The blue hologram flickers to life and as you decipher the little lines of text your face falls. Each line is a name, previous and recently bought or traded people that crossed the threshold of the palace. Fennec was right. This isn’t fun anymore.    
“These are…slaves.” Your lips curls in disgust. “How is this still not outlawed? It’s barbaric.”      
“You’re not from Tatooine, are you?” Fennec asks as she meanders over and wrestles the datapac out of your hands. She switches it off and tosses it back into the dusty crate. You huff and cross your arms over your chest.  
“No,” you agree. “Im from Arkanis. But even there we don’t have slaves.” 
Fennec squats beside you, her elbows resting over her bent knees. She playfully taps your shoulder with the back of her hand and quirks a brow. “What’d I tell you—snooping doesn’t do anyone any good.”
You roll your eyes and shrug, a frown still etched on your lips. Fennec sighs, rubs her chin and then reaches out to push a stray hair behind your ear. A flush blooms up your cheeks at the gentle touch. 
“You have a sensitive soul, Kitten,” she chuckles, poking at your cheek that you’re certain she can feel the heat emirate from. “You said you were from Arkanis—tell me about it. Why come to Tatooine?”
Your lips quirk in a tiny smile as you bat away her pointer finger, saving your cheek from another poke. “Hey—not everyone likes rain ok?” You huff. “Besides, Tatooine wasn’t supposed to be permanent.”
She nods. Unsure what exactly to tell her--a silence ensues. It’s not terribly awkward but it’s enough that makes you jumpy and itching to move on from this room now stained with information you weren’t prepared on finding. You stand suddenly, brush yourself off and mutter under your breath about finding something less…heartbreaking. 
Fennec jumps up as well and when you leave the room her hand clamps over your shoulder. She spins you around and levels her gaze onto you. “You’re free to leave whenever you like. You know that right?”
Your brows furrow. “I know—don’t worry, I want to stay.”
Her head bobs with a satisfied nod. “We’d miss you if you left. You’re nice to have around.”
You blush again and mumble out a thank you, shooting off into another unexplored location to escape Fennec’s knowing smirk. Maker—you’re embarrassing.  
                               -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Boba returns later that afternoon—the shadow of his familiar figure stretches around the curved stairway, the purposeful stomps of his boots against the carved steps following with it. Your heart flutters within your chest, like a distressed creature with wings as you jump from your makeshift seat.
You come face to face with Boba. Or, helmet rather—whatever. 
The smell of hot metal and dry air sticks to him as he paces closer, closing the small gap that separates him from you. You’re frozen beneath the heavy weight of his stare behind the void like black of his visor as he plants himself firmly before you, close enough that his cuirass could brush your chest if he puffed out his own chest.   
“Hi…” You smile, a fragile vale of uncertainty blanketing the pair of you—still attempting to feel out his mood, sort through the general gruffness of his personality and gage wether or not you could reach out and touch him. The helmet is a tricky thing to read and his body language gives nothing away. You swallow your nerves take a leaping risk.   
“Let me see your face.” You murmur. You move your hands up to the edges of his helmet at a snail’s pace, giving him ample time to slip through your fingers—wedge a sharp thorn between whatever it is that you’ve built and name it for what it is.
He doesn’t choose that option. 
With a low hum, Boba dips his helmet closer to your outstretched fingertips instead. The metal is cool under your palms as they fold over the sides of the helmet and pull up. The metal whispers against his skin like wind through tall grass as the point of his chin peeks out, followed by his lips, his nose, and finally those golden brown eyes. They glitter with amusement as you release a shaky breath, the helmet the only thing acting as a barrier as you clutch it near your sternum. His mouth quirks when you blush and glance away—focusing on the little silvery nicks the green paint refused to cover. You rub your thumb over the blaster pockmark that dents the metal—you frown. You hope that wasn’t recent. 
Boba gently pries the helmet out of your hands and sets it onto the armrest of his throne. He purrs your name and pinches your chin between his forefinger and thumb, leading your attention back to him. Your eyes flit up his scars—your breath catching in your throat as he smiles.
“Hello, princess,” he says—the grit and timbre of this new nickname jumpstarting your heart to skip and choke on its own tireless beat.
You roll your bottom lip between your teeth and shake your head. “Boba, I’m not—“
He doesn’t let you finish your sentence—
Boba spreads his fingers over your jaw, tilts your head and swoops down to meet your lips in a dizzying kiss. Hard, hungry, victorious, breathless—like he’s spent years fighting and only now takes a moment to slow down—drown in the softness of your lips and skin. His hands claw at your arms, your clothes, your hair—like you’re the spoils of battle and he fears losing you to the shadows of his past and some hidden horror that nips at his heels. He kisses like a man terrified that this will be brief, intangible and something that’ll abandon him.
He trails after your lips when you break away—your lungs heaving for precious air. He doesn’t let you go far, ensuring your positioning by tangling his fist into your hair at the nape of your neck and scraping his lips up your cheek, enticing you into another kiss. You tilt you chin to meet him with equal fervor, whining as his warm tongue curls sweetly into your mouth. His existence fills your veins with liquid silver—evokes the bloom of crackling star fire beneath the cavity of your ribcage. Every thought starts with him and ends with your heart aching to burst into a million tiny shards.   
The next time you part,  Boba is the first one to pull away. He cups your cheeks between his weathered hands and plants a tender kiss just below your hairline. You swear you can feel the skin buzz from the touch—like every atom in your being was solely created for him to command and conquer. You sigh and lean into his palm. 
“I missed you.” You admit with a small smile. 
Boba leans closer and presses another kiss to your forehead. “And I you, little one.”
“I got worried, y’know,” you continue, your fingers tapping a trail up the front of his chest plate. You trace the repainted insignia with your fingernail and flash him a coy smirk. “You never called—thought maybe you found a new pretty thing.”
He grunts, shakes his head and sweeps a rogue strand of hair behind your ear. “Hilarious—my hands are full enough with you hounding me every five minutes.”
You puff out your bottom lip and feign offense, mumbling some lame whine like a petulant brat. Boba snorts and crowds closer. He presses his gloved thumb between your furrowed brows, smoothing out the wrinkles and then cups your cheeks between both palms. You freeze as he carefully knocks the crown of his forehead onto yours—it’s sweet.
An excited smile splits when he moves his head to your right, the syllables of each word rolling off his tongue sweeter than spiced honey. “I’ll make it up to you, pretty thing,” he whispers by your ear, his warm breath disturbing the fine hairs there. “How does that sound, hm?”
That’s not even a question you would ever dream of denying—you quickly nod. “I’d like that.” 
Boba drops his hands from your face and peels himself away. His eyes trickle down your figure—calculative and analytic—planning out each move to pick apart the entirety of your being. “Take everything off.”
You comply without a second thought—slipping free from the breezy cotton and scratchy poncho you stole from a storage room. The fabric pools at your feet in an unceremonious pile—leaving you bare for him. Despite the sickening dry heat that pollutes the air and causes beads of sweat to gather at your hairline—goosebumps rush up your arms under Boba’s piercing stare. 
Boba’s eyes flicker to the throne. A feral grin tugs at his lips. “Sit.”
This time you hesitate. Did he…? No—you must’ve heard wrong— 
He quirks a brow and gestures to the throne. “Well? Are you going to listen?”
Your tongue slides over your chapped lips. “O-ok..I just—never mind…”
Scrounging up some courage, you gingerly seat yourself onto Boba Fett’s throne. Chills race along the entirety of your body as the freezing metal seeps into your warm flesh. You squirm and beat away the urge to wrap your arms around yourself—he wouldn’t like that—probably would take it as some sort of insult anyway—
All your current discomforts melt away in a fraction of a breath as Boba Fett lowers himself to one knee, and then the other. A king kneeling before his very own throne for someone like you. Someone who’ll be lost to the pages of history and the endless swirl of galaxies and supernovas—you’re nobody to the world, but to him you’re everything. You inhale a shaky breath as a strange stroke of pride alights through your body as he peels off his gloves and maneuvers himself flush against the edge of the throne and between your thighs.    
Boba bows forward and slips his calloused hands around your ribcage to tug you closer. His lips land over your collar bone, slides his tongue over the protrusion then sinks his teeth into you there. You gasp as he slides lower, leading a trail of bruises and teeth marks in his wake. Boba moves his palms, up and in to grab at your breasts, the flats of his fingertips rolling over your nipples. A whimper escapes past your lips as he catches the pebbled bud between his lips, the hard enamel of his teeth scraping over it—meant to tease. Your nails dig into the fabric bunched around his neck as he moves on to suck your other nipple, the cooling saliva sending a chill down your spine as it dries.
You squirm, unable close your legs or to relieve some of that burning tension collecting in your core. You’re already wet—worked up and impatient. You roll your head back onto your shoulders and bite your lip. If you complain and tell him to hurry up you’re scared he’ll leave you like this—deny you that pleasure you’ve been craving for days.  
It feels like ages before he moves on from your breasts, now smattered with bruises and his saliva, and carves out a blinding path down your sternum, your belly, then your navel with his tongue. Boba circles your bellybutton—you force down the ticklish nerves and stay still for him. 
You don't mean to jump as his rough hands drop over your knees. You barely get out the first syllable of an apology when his hands slip up your bare thighs, curl around the swell of your ass and yank. You squeak as the edge of the throne bites into your tailbone, the majority of your lower half forced to lean on Boba’s shoulders and his greedy hands. He kisses the inside of your knee—you jolt with an airy gasp. 
Boba picks up his head and smirks. “Look at me when I taste you, little one.”
Mouth suddenly drier than dust, you nod dumbly. 
He hums, satisfied with your weak response and continues on.  
Boba’s bare fingers trace minuscule patterns into the sensitive skin of your inner thighs, coaxing out a shiver. They sweep up towards the apex of your thighs, settling close enough to reach your aching center. You know he’s there—it’s impossible to ignore him—but you curse anyway when you feel his thumbs softly part the lips of your soaking cunt. They steadily work up and down, smearing your wetness around but never enough to give you any friction. You bite back a groan as your hips unconsciously twitch. 
“Patience, princess,” he rumbles, shifting his weight to better reach your cunt. “Maker—you’re dripping already.”   
There's a moment just before Boba commits, his face hovering close enough that you can feel his sticky, hot breath, anticipation gripping your chest. And then he licks a broad stripe from the base of your pussy all the way up to your swollen clit. 
His mouth Is searing, his tongue like liquid velvet as you shudder and grab at his head. He grunts against you as you drag him closer—greedy for everything he deems you worthy of. Boba’s mouth pinpoints around your clit, sucking and tracing circles over the bundle of nerves with the tip of his tongue. Your eyes flutter—it’s a struggle not to shut them completely. He asked you to watch after all… 
He then trails lower, sucks on your labia, and makes his way down to your entrance. The wet heat of his tongue circles your entrance, skips over it completely to lick at the wetness dripping lower that threatens to pool onto the throne or the floor. He opens his mouth wide and hums in appreciation, devouring your pussy like he’s been denied this his entire life. 
“Fuck—Boba,” you cry, canting your hips into his mouth. 
It's perfect. So fucking good. 
The tips of his thick fingers, two of them, press at your entrance, teasing the fluttering ring of soft muscle before sinking in. The two digits slip in with ease—all the way up to the second knuckle and when he draws them back, they're slick with your wetness, glinting in the low light. With a smirk, Boba thrusts them back in, then out—setting a steady pace that he refuses to stray from. It leaves you just hovering along the sharp edge of oblivion, the catch of his knuckles and calloused skin along your walls pure torture. Stars—he’s going to be the death of you—
Your hips arch into him, trying to urge him to go faster. Instead, he slowly retracts his fingers and removes his mouth. You gasp in frustration as your cunt clenches around thin air. It almost hurts. 
“I told you to be patient,” Boba chuckles, massaging a warm palm along the outside of your thigh. “You’re behaving like a brat.” 
“I’m—I—I’m sorry—“ You wheeze, trying to rope in some self control that fled a long time ago. Your wits are scrapped thin as you throw your hand against the back of the throne. You don’t care that he’s rendered you to a begging mess, your words slurred and hardly understandable. You're so close to diving off the edge—so near to those plush lips and weathered hands that’ll surely become your salvation. "Please! P-please—I need..." 
You're babbling as he drags his fingertips over your thigh, skims over your cunt, and traces a pattern into your opposite thigh. "Boba. Fuck. I pro-promise to be better—I can do it. Please—“
He complies.
Two fingers are thrust up into your dripping cunt, curving so deliciously into something that feels like unrefined plasma bolts. His mouth dips down and sucks on your clit and with a few more curls and thrusts of his fingers inside of your clenching walls, your body seizes up tight. 
You're flying off you’re high, faster than a fucking speeder with tampered gears. You cum onto his tongue with a strangled cry of his name, sparks of blurry white lining the edges of your vision as your back arches. Boba keeps licking you through your orgasm, even as you buck and squirm in his iron hold. Stars implode behind your eyelids as heat, hotter than wildfire and jetfuel spreads from your center all the way up your stomach and down to your toes. You're shaking, lucid enough to hear Boba, and feel the vibration of his groan, as he licks up the flood of your wetness over his tongue. 
Your brain swims in hazy bliss and fuzzy pleasure as you float back to reality. He's still curling his fingers into your pussy and it hurts. You're too sensitive. Your nerves are rubbed raw and you're still throbbing—but you're too fucked out and still riding the waves of your orgasm to push him away. He takes this opportunity to tilt his fingers into your cunt faster, suckle and lave his tongue over your clit that burns from overstimulation—somehow you're back at the very edge again.
It's sharper than a blade against flesh. Your thighs quiver around him as he twists his fingers inside you and bumps agains that tiny, little patch of nerves that wrenches a cry from you. Your orgasm floods through you veins, bursting and rupturing every cell in your being. This one is blistering—charrs all the way to the fucking bone. Your core pulses around Boba’s fingers, fucking you through it until those burning waves of release eventually cease into a dull throb. You whimper and push at his forehead because he's still licking at your cunt. You panic a bit—fucking hell, he’s gonna make you cry—but he pulls away, his mouth and chin wet with your slick. 
Boba leaves absolutely no time to completely float down from your high—you squeak as his hands shoot up to grab at your hips, wrenching you off the throne and all but throwing you onto the same floor he kneels on. You flash him a dopey grin, letting your legs fall open for his enjoyment—
“Such a filthy princess,” he chuckles, extending a hand to cover your knee, bending it further out to expose more of your flushed cunt. “You taste sweeter than star cherries.”
You preen at his compliment. “You’re not so bad yourself.”
It earns you an amused huff. Boba scrapes the hand resting on your knee to the apex of your legs, thumb and forefinger gently parting your delicate, slick folds. You bite back a keening whine, utterly exposed to him as he slips the hood back from the throbbing knot of nerves at the top of your slit. Too raw. Your pussy clenches involuntarily, causing everything from your toes to your hips stiffen. Boba hums in delight at his handiwork. 
“Stars, Boba—please…” You beg, voice breathy and soft like whips of spider silk. Boba makes a sound that oozes with smug pleasure, teasing your sore clit with unadulterated glee. “Please,” you hear yourself whimper over your pounding pulse, shifting in his grasp and praying he’ll put an end to this sickly sweet torture.
“Pretty little thing, begging for my cock…” He rasps, darkly threaded sin and the husky scrape of the gray sea licking up jagged, black rock. You’re certain he could talk you into unraveling at the seams, untouched and putty in his hands for him to mold and shape. Boba’s other hand sweeps up your sternum, his fingertips dancing along the mythosaur pendant coiled around your neck. He then curls his thick fingers around the base of your throat and ever so lightly squeezes. “Poor baby—all worked up after a few days…I’ll fix that for you.” 
Before you can fully process, he grabs the swell of your hip and flips you onto your belly. The air from your lungs is knocked out of your chest, the abrasive sandstone bitting into the points of your elbows and patches of your skin and no doubt leaving behind irritated scrapes. You hear the shuffle of fabric and then Boba suddenly seizes your hips and arches them into his crotch, grinding the deliciously hard length of his cock through your wet folds. Throbbing and just as desperate as you are, Boba refrains from flinging you into another bout of teasing. He slicks himself up with your arousal and drags the tip of himself to your clenching center and sinks that first, glorious inch inside of you. 
With a low groan, Boba pushes in deeper, watching your tight hold flutter and accommodate his thick length. It’s the same as before during that night in the cantina—dreadfully full and all but bursting at the seems. The gentle rocks of his hips and gravelly praise eventually allow him to finally bottom out, his sharp hipbones resting against the swell of your ass as you shudder and groan. Fuck—
You can feel him in your fucking guts. 
Boba grants you a brief moment to settle and then—it’s catastrophic. 
Your jaw drops in a silent scream when he pulls back, all the way to the tip and slams back into your tight heat. Boba’s hand tangles into your hair at the nape of your neck and and pulls, forcing your back into a sharp arch. The action leaves more of you open, somehow pressing in even further. He hits so deeply within you—stars it feels like he’s splitting you open and laying you bare. 
His dark chuckle resonates above you—a bit breathy as he tames his own frazzled nerves. “Shit—that feels good. Doesn’t it, princess?”
Your incoherent babble makes him laugh as he gives your hair a playful tug, all the while he never stops thrusting in and out of you. You wiggle your hips, the slight shift makes it ache, and the sharp downward thrusts put delirious pressure on that patch of nerves that renders you dizzy. Every muscle in your body feels like it’s a tightly spooled cable, fraying and an inch away from snapping. Your gasping breaths pitch into airy squeaks as the fist twisted in your hair tightens, tugging your head back just a bit more.
Boba lurches foreword, the nip of beskar a frigid shock to the bare skin of your back when he lays over you, his elbows caging you in close. His head drops onto your shoulder blade, pressing sloppy kisses over the arch of your throat and slope of your shoulder—without warning he sinks his teeth into the juncture of your neck. Maker save you—
The feral drag of Boba’s teeth digging into your sensitive flesh skin makes you squeeze around his cock—Boba answers with a soft growl that vibrates against the skin of your shoulder. Somehow he fucks into you harder, his pace becoming brutal. Your nails scrabble against the floor, searching for some sort of anchor as you wail under him.
It’s too much—fuck, you’re gonna implode. Pinned between the rough sandstone and the hand in in your hair, mixed with the sharp pain of his teeth marring your skin—you loose it. Sensing your peaking orgasm, Boba’s fingers wedge between your legs to toy with your clit. He rubs quick circles with two fingers as he purrs words of filth into your ear—how good his pretty thing is for him, how well you came for him, how tight you are. 
“There you go, little one,” Boba says, his words like a tendril of dark smoke. “Cum for your king.”   
His efforts are quickly rewarded as you shudder and lock up harder than durasteel beneath him. A blinding surge of vicious heat, knocks you clean off your feet and steals away all the air left in your lungs as your nails dig into the sandstone—trembling and grappling blindly for a foothold in your own head. The cold chest plate is a much needed anchor for the overwhelming intensity that threatens to drown you and bury you six fix under.   
He bites down again when he cums, his hips digging into you with short, rough jabs. “Fuck—you take me so well.” You squirm, feeling his cock throb and spill into you, making the mess between your legs smear over your thighs. His thrusts stutter to a stop as he sighs deeply and pulls out, a mixture of his cum and your arousal spilling onto the floor. Boba huffs above you, drags a finger through your swollen folds and pushes it back inside of you. “Good girl.”
You shiver—reduced to a useless puddle with no intent from moving off the floor as Boba’s weight moves away. You could sleep here—that’s something completely plausible you think. Nice, warm dirt—
Boba purrs your name—the sound piquing your interest enough that you overcome the heaviness that’s settled in your body and move your head. He’s returned to his throne, cheeks a bit flushed and his chest rising and falling to recover precious air. You watch as Boba peels off his cuirass with practiced ease, and lays it with care onto the floor. He murmurs your name a second time and pats his lap, coaxing you off the floor. 
You happily slither onto his thighs, exhausted and all too eager to be swept up into the warmth of his arms. He grunts as you tuck your head under his chin and cuddle into his chest, relishing the rough scrape of his palms folding over your shoulder and the outside of your thigh. His soft breaths tickle the top of your head paired with the quiet, but steady rhythm of his heart beating beneath your fingertips and ear pressed onto his sternum. Your eyes flutter shut and though a hushed silence falls over the room, there’s nothing to be said. 
Boba tucks his nose into your hair and you smile, the slow speak of your heart unraveling into a lush garden of something new and brittle—like flakes of frost in the early morning sun. He’s more bruise than bleed nowadays—a wound closed then reopened and he promises nothing of a future beyond what you have in these moments. And yet—
You wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. 
taglist: @goldafterglow @djxrxn @velvetmel0n @steeeeeeeviebb      @stargazingcarol @ohiobluetip @anxiety-riddled-mando @absurdthirst @thesoftdumbass @huliabitch @max--phillips @silverfish-kingdom @krissology @teaofpeach @pettyprocrastination @nelba​ @beskars​ @jango-fettish​ @corrupt-fvcker​ @cobbvader​ @maybege​ @clonewarslover55​ @auty-ren​ @legally-a-bastard​ @bigdickdindjarin​ @thesparkleslugs​ @cryptid-candy​ @mandowhorian​ @pascaliprincess​ @mitchi-c​
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biletdoux · 3 years
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stages of love | j.jh
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Pairing | jung jaehyun (nct) + female!reader Rating | M Genre + Tropes | college!au, romance (angst, fluff, smut) Warnings | explicit language, alcohol consumption, instant love?, sexual content (drunk sex, receiving and giving oral, penetration, cow girl position, nipple play), greyzone fidelity Length | 15k+
Summary | A playlist for the trials and tribulations of a beating heart
(Or; your relationship with Jung Jaehyun in ten songs.)
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Note: ahhhhhhh!!!! we finally did it boisssss. this fic has been a long time coming and honestly im sick and tired of jaehyun. i’ve spent too long thinking about him for this fic smh. this is also my first time writing smut so we’ll see how that goes lmao. anyway this was a long labor of love so please let me know what you thought of it !!! <333
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1. Peach by IU
smitten at first sight.
“How can I explain this feeling?”
“Alright, I think that sums up about everything we need to cover for today’s lecture. Remember, most of this will be on your final exam. Any questions before you’re all dismissed?” 
Your professor looks up from the board, scans the room and all he sees are most of the students waiting with bated breath, itching to leave the class, and half of those students having already packed their belongings in anticipation. He held them back an extra twenty five minutes today, which is notably longer than previous lectures in which he delayed dismissal.
“Okay, you’re free to go. Chapters nineteen and twenty are due the next time we meet.”
You breathe out a sigh of relief, ready to head out with the rest of the class. You like Professor Jang and find that he makes history somewhat digestible, but he has a tendency to lose track of time, which is inconvenient, but more so today since you have agreed to meet up with Yeri. You glance at your phone to see text notifications and curse to yourself. You’re already ten minutes late and Yeri is many things and impatient is one of them. 
You’re one of the first out of the small lecture hall and you shoot her a quick reply before making your way to the oncampus cafe. Through quickened strides and shortcuts engrained from cross-campus treks from class to class, you arrive in record time. You’re slightly out of breath and impressed by your speed, but you stop, frozen in your tracks when you see Yeri’s displeased face. You find her situated in a small, but cozy corner next to the windows, already unpacked with notebooks and papers strewn on the desk ready to review for exams. It's one of the best study spots in the cafe and you immediately know your best friend had to come extra early to nab such a sought after table. 
“About time,” she scowls, “what took you so long?��
You shoot her an apologetic look, “aww, Yeri,” you pout your lips a little too dramatically, “I’m sorry. I just came from history and you know how Professor Jang is.” 
Yeri looks at your jutted lips in disgust, but then her face softens in consideration. “Hm, I do know Jang.” She scrunches up her nose remembering her time in his class last semester. “That old man can talk for days on end and he never lets anyone leave class early. I guess I’ll let you go this time.” 
You beam at her knowing she’s no longer angry for your tardiness. “Great, drinks are on me today. It’s the least I can do for being late.” Yeri forgives as easily and as quickly as she loses her temper. You learned this after a few weeks of being her roommate. 
Yeri says nothing in silent agreement and you place your stuff down across the table next to the chair she reserves for you. You pull out your wallet and weave through the packed cafe to head to the order counter. The line is long and you patiently review the menu. Your roommate has consistent tastes and always orders a vanilla frappuccino regardless of which cafe she goes to, but you base your decision on your mood. You mull over your choices and by the time you reach the barista taking your order, you decide you’re in an ‘iced Americano’ kind of mood today. You have exams on top of exams you need to review for and a stronger caffeine kick is much needed.
After paying, you head back to the table with two drinks in tow. Yeri takes her drink and after you both take a few sips and catch up for the day, you dive straight to work. The two of you decide to review for statistics. 
Between re-summarizing chapters and answering review questions, you muse to yourself about how your college experience thus far hasn't been that much different from your high school life. You didn’t necessarily hate high school, per say, but it was safe to say you didn’t enjoy it. Your heart was in the arts, specifically music, and you had found studying the core subjects to be boring and tedious. You remember being ecstatic to have been accepted and enrolled in a performing arts college, foolishly thinking your days of solving differential equations and memorizing chemical formulas were over. You specifically remember daydreaming of your hours being filled with keyboard practice and composition notes and only such things. Somehow the reality of mandatory general education courses slipped your mind when you constructed such fantasies.
Despite frivolous and preconceived notions of college, you have already survived a semester and you are nearly through your second. 
“Hey, do you remember when this stats assignment is due?” Yeri’s inquiring voice snaps you out of your brief reverie and you search your cluttered brain for a date.
“Uh, I think it’s due, like, a few days before the final, but I’d have to double check.” 
Yeri nods. “Alright, well let’s take a small break. We have some time till then, we don’t have to finish all of it today.” 
You happily agree and set down your pen. Yeri takes a sip of her frappuccino and you lean over the table to get closer to her. “Anyway, did you hear about what happened with Jiwon and Youngjae from the entertainment management department?”
Her eyes glisten with wicked interest. “No. Do tell.”
Break time is always synonymous with gossip hour between you and Yeri. 
You spend the next fifteen minutes dishing what you know and Yeri offers her own input whenever she feels fit. 
“And they think they’re being discreet, but the whole dorm knows they’ve been sneaking around, but guess wha─” Before you can finish your sentence, you are cut off by a loud and energetic voice calling out Yeri’s name.
The two of you look up to see a slim and boyish brunet waving to Yeri and excitedly making his way to your table. He looks vaguely familiar, but you can’t quite place your finger on it, so you let it go.
He smiles happily at Yeri and greets her. “Hey Yeri, how’s it going?” He notices you there and gives you a polite wave, which you return in the same manner.
Yeri replies back breezily, but with her full attention. “Good. Did you need anything, Mark?” 
He flushes just the slightest bit, but it doesn’t escape your eyes. “Erm, nothing I just wanted to remind you that we’re meeting for the music theory project tomorrow at four. I would’ve texted, but I forgot to get your number in class, and I saw you here and thought it was a good opportunity to tell you.” 
Yeri’s eyes widen, “ah right! I completely forgot about it. It’s a good thing you found me here today, huh? Here, I’ll give you my number.”
She reaches her hand out her hand expectantly, and Mark is confused before scrambling to pull out his phone. You can tell Mark looks flustered while Yeri is calmly putting in her contact information. After finishing, she hands his phone back, “okay, all set. Just shoot me a text so I have your number as well. Thanks for reminding me today or I probably would’ve forgotten and not have shown up or something.” 
Mark smiles again, this time a little more sure than before. “All good. I’ll see you tomorrow, Yeri.” 
They wave goodbye and you watch Mark scamper from the cafe. Your eyes follow him, but Yeri is already focused on you again, paying Mark’s retreating form no mind. 
“So…” you start.
“So?” She returns.
“He’s cute.”
“Yeah, maybe,” she shrugged. “I barely know him though. We have music theory together, but this is the first time we’ve talked all semester and we’re only talking because we got paired up for a project.”
Yeri seems apathetic and you study her closely. You notice she’s acting a little too stiffly carefree to be truly indifferent to the situation. You can’t help, but to tease her a bit. “Well, make the most out of this project then.”
Yeri gives you a hard look and you decide to let it go despite finding your best friend’s situation to be amusing. 
“Anyway, keep telling me about Jiwon and Youngjae. You never finished.” Yeri changes the topic, knowing that you might decide to pester her again if she doesn’t.
“As I was saying,” you started up again. A figure outside catches your attention and you peer outside through the window past Yeri’s shoulders. You realize it’s Mark and you watch with interest as he gestures excitedly, pointing to something in his hand, you assume his phone, to some of his friends. From there your eyes wander absentmindedly from one person to the next, and it’s when you see him. 
The reaction is almost instantaneous. 
“Like you were saying?” Yeri urges, but her words fall on deaf ears, for all your attention is captured by the boy next to Mark with heart-shaped lips.
When you see said boy laugh, you notice he has moon for eyes and you unconsciously suck in a sharp breath. You must have been staring too intently without noticing because he turns his head in your direction and you two hold direct eye contact. Like a deer caught in headlights, you freeze and lose all rational thought. Your head is completely blank. You have never seen someone so beautiful and your mind does not know how to process any sensory information at the moment.
Someone calls the boy away and the entire group of friends leave. It’s only then do you find yourself releasing a breath you didn’t know you had been holding onto so tightly. Your heart is pounding and you feel as though blood is rushing through your ears. 
“Hello?” Yeri sounds annoyed, but you struggle to find the words to answer her. 
You feel a sudden heat rush to color your cheeks a vibrant red and a feeling surges through you that leaves you out of breath and weak at the knees. A steady warmth washes over you quietly and you feel it deep within yourself and you can’t help but let out a small laugh.
How silly, you muse. Not to be dramatic, but you think you’re in love.
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2. Shadow by f(x)
adoration from afar. 
“I’m really really into you.”
The next few weeks are packed to the brim with assignments and papers, but despite this, you still find time for your personal research into the boy who was with Mark that day. 
Being the obvious first and easiest option, you beg Yeri to ask Mark directly about his friend, but she immediately shoots you down. 
“No. Absolutely not. At least not anytime soon anyway,” she huffs. “I’ve barely held two full conversations with him, like hell the next is gonna be about his friend just cause my best friend started thirsting over him after one glance. I mean come on, girl.” She shakes her head at you. 
Yeri’s right and you apologize to her for being thoughtless of her situation. She doesn’t say it, but she seems really hopeful about the music theory project and what might bloom from it. You would not want to impede on such possibilities of happiness for your friend, so you let that option go, but Yeri promises to help in other ways and she does. 
Somehow between caffeine fueled cram sessions and sleep deprivation, you, with Yeri’s help manage to find out more about the boy. You casually ask around in your contemporary writing and production department and she offers help by searching her vocal performance department. 
You find out his name is Jung Jaehyun and he’s a third year in the musical theatre department and that he’s a member of the local chapter of the performing arts fraternity on campus. You also discover his Instagram handle and you find yourself skimming through his page throughout the day more often  than you’re willing to admit to any living soul. 
You occasionally see him around campus since you first saw him at the cafe and each time, you can feel your heart hammer in your chest and you become so flustered to the point of your sympathetic nervous system activating. Unfortunately for you, your body unconsciously chooses flight each and every time at the sight of Jaehyun because you can always feel your knees go weak and your body lurch away to escape in any direction that isn’t Jaehyun’s. You kind of hate yourself each time you do, but you can’t help it. He’s just so pretty that it’s intimidating!
You try to think positive after the bouts of shame you experience after each escapade. 
Well there’s no way to embarrass yourself in front of him if you run away before having the chance to, right?
Even thinking about it now in the comfort of your bed, you can’t shake your self-consciousness and bury your face in a large pillow resting on your knees. Your cheeks are burning and you don’t know what to do. 
“Hey, why don’t you just talk to him, instead of moping all day and stalking his profile like a creep.” Yeri’s crisp words cut through your musings and you glance up to see her entering your shared room in the dorms.
“Shut up. It’s not like I have a benevolent match-making professor who happens to pair me up with my crush for an end-of-semester project.” You retort back before sighing dramatically, “I literally have no excuse to talk to him. We’re not in the same year or major. We don’t even have mutual friends. Unless, y’know, you and Mark hit it off, who knows.” 
Yeri sits down next to you on your small twin bed, resting her head on your shoulder while letting out an equally dramatic sigh, “yeah, well, Mark’s so dense, all the divine intervention in the world isn’t going to help me.” 
You let out snort, “what’s up with you two anyway?”
“Y’know, I could’ve sworn he was into me and I had a chance with him, but every time we meet up we literally only work on the project and nothing else. Every time I sort of tried to do something I get shot down. Like I told him I was kind of chilly today in the library, and he looks all thoughtful for a moment but all he ends up saying is ‘yeah, all the buildings on campus are always cold, huh? Good thing I always bring a jacket with me. You should bring one too next time, I don’t want you getting cold.’ And then he just turns back to the project like nothing. Can you believe him?” Yeri complains and you swear her annoyance is palpable. “And every time I text him to hangout, he thinks it’s to work on the project. I honestly can’t tell if he’s really that stupid or if he’s just not into me.” 
You laugh at her unfortunate, but undeniable state of love affairs. 
“Really? That bad? I remember him being all blushy when he asked for your number,” you recall. “And you should’ve seen how he looked when he showed off he got your number. Well that’s what it looked like anyway, I could be wrong.”
“Well, at least I’ll get a good grade though. Mark is nothing if not diligent and hard-working, with him being a double major and all.” Yeri sounds resigned however, she sighs again, this time more frustrated and you hear the determination in her voice. “Alright, after finals, for sure we’re gonna hit the clubs. We need to let loose, have some fun.”
You agree with her to appease her short temper, but deep down you feel disappointed. You feel sorry for your friend, having genuinely wanted Mark and her to work out, but a small and selfish part of you felt sorry for having no bridge to Jaehyun at all if it didn’t work out between Yeri and Mark. Looks like you were stranded now and you’d have to find a way to Jaehyun one way or another, but your line of help ends here.
Shaking away such negative thoughts, you think to yourself how soju bombs and dance floors don’t so bad after such an intense exam period after all. It will definitely take your mind off of things for sure.
And even though you say this to yourself, you know your mind will still be plagued with Jung Jaehyun no matter how much you try.
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3. What Is Love by EXO-K
careful contemplation. 
“I can’t explain what I feel.”
“Mark, tell me you did not.” The disbelief in Johnny’s voice made the situation all the more hilarious and even Jaehyun, who’s the calmer of the two, couldn’t suppress the guffaw from escaping his lips. 
The tips of Mark’s ears flush a light pink and he tries to deliver a convincing argument, but all that comes out is a meek stammer, further driving Johnny up the wall.
When Mark came up to his and Johnny’s room asking for advice, Jaehyun had an idea of where it was going to lead, considering Mark’s clueless disposition and inexperienced track record, but Jaehyun had no idea it was going to be this bad. 
Mark, having developed a crush on a fellow vocal performance major in his music theory class, came to Johnny, his frat big, to spill his guts and ask for advice constantly. Being Johnny’s roommate, meant Jaehyun was also privy to all the details of Mark’s love life and he had no problem giving advice to the amusing first year student, which Mark appreciated because going to Johnny meant a clowning session before he could get any useful nuggets of information. 
When Mark’s music theory professor randomly assigned the two for the end of semester project, Mark was one part excited and two parts nervous, resulting in a frazzled mess. He has been going up to the second room on the right of the second floor of the frat house almost every other day to ask for advice since then. 
Johnny was thrilled when he initially heard of the project, already envisioning his little’s love prospects, stating something along the lines of “my little’s gonna get laid!” 
However, now looking at Johnny rubbing his temples in exasperation, Jaehyun can tell that his roommate’s initial enthusiasm has dissipated. 
Mark’s daily roadblock today consisted of his crush giving him the cold shoulder and being much more snappy than before in the project meet up earlier. Mark recalls Yeri’s anger toward him and racks his brain for an answer. Even Johnny and Jaehyun are stumped at the sudden behavior, assuming that things were going smoothly from Mark’s previous reports filled with clumsy, but endearing and ultimately positive signs. It’s only when Mark offhandedly mentions her so-called ‘strange’ comment about the temperature, does it become clear why Yeri’s attitude suddenly shifted so drastically.
“I mean, I don’t know what I did wrong.” Mark’s second attempt to defend himself has Johnny flaring his nostrils in indignation and Jaehyun has to turn away in an attempt to stifle his laughter.
“Dude, she’s so into you. Or, at least she was, I don’t know about it anymore.” Johnny starts after calming down. “She left herself wide open for you to take a clear shot and you effectively said to her face, ‘thanks but no thanks’ and then walked away. No wonder she’s pissed, I’d be pissed too.” 
“Well, what was I supposed to do then?” Mark counters. 
“Mark,” Johnny begins, his tone dry and coarse, “you’re killing me.”
Jaehyun deems this the perfect time to step in, the laughter about done coursing through his system at this point. He clears his throat before offering his input, “It’s not too, too bad. Johnny’s just being dramatic. If she likes you enough, she’ll probably forgive you if you play your cards right from here on out.” 
Mark perks up, his attention solely on Jaehyun. 
Jaehyun hums absentmindedly to himself, gathering and organizing his thoughts to properly explain exactly where and how Mark went wrong and what to do moving forward. When Jaehyun opens his mouth to speak, Mark is glued on to every word and Jaehyun can see the gears in his brain whirring at high speeds. 
By the time Jaehyun is done, Johnny has calmed down and Mark nods his head fervently in understanding. 
“Ah, that makes so much sense now! I got it now.” 
Despite his assurances, both Johnny and Jaehyun know Mark will be back soon. 
“Alright little, listen up,” Johnny starts. “Here’s the game plan from here on out.” 
Johnny goes off on a sermon, determined to help his little ‘get some’ as Johnny so delicately puts it. Jaehyun can see it’s not the most tasteful of word choice for Mark to hear, but the youngest says nothing. 
Lounging lazily in the bean bag on his side of the room, Jaehyun knocks his head back and thinks of a few weeks back when he accompanied Mark and some other frat members to the rec center for some basketball. Jaehyun remembers Mark was bemoaning the fact he forgot to ask for some girl’s number and it was as if a higher entity heard the boy’s laments and felt especially gracious, because right as they were passing the cafe, Mark stopped in his tracks and suddenly ran off into the busy building. 
The group of frat boys watched him excitedly weave his way through the crowd of bodies and occupied tables to reach a table with two girls. When they saw the girl putting her number into Mark’s phone, Johnny elbowed Jaehyun, and like a proud parent Johnny exaggeratedly acknowledged his little. “They grow up so fast, don’t they, Jaehyun.” Johnny even wiped an imaginary tear from his eye to really send the message home.
It was only a few moments later and Mark came bounding out of the cafe, eager to show everyone how lucky it was that he happened to see her. “I mean what are the odds, right?” the said boy exclaimed so happily, his cheer so infectious, Jaehyun couldn’t help himself from letting out a laugh of his own. 
Jaehyun turned to give Mark an encouraging pat on the back and it’s when he notices a pair of eyes on him. He turns fully to come in the direct line of sight of a girl whose eyes, Jaehyun imagined to have been very warm, had they not been burning holes into him. Her intense gaze slightly unnerved him, but not to the point of pulling away. He found himself entranced and the only thing that broke the quick spell was Johnny’s voice, calling him to move it along. 
Jaehyun recalls easily breaking eye contact and giving little thought to the strange girl with fire for eyes, but as the days passed, Jaehyun couldn’t shake the thought of her from his mind. 
Even now in the comfort of his room and with Johnny and Mark not even a foot away, carefully planning Mark’s love endeavors, all Jaehyun’s mind can really focus on is the thought of you. 
Jaehyun is sure he’s only looked at you for less than a minute, but somehow he’s able to clearly trace out the image of you that day, like a perfect snapshot. 
“Yo Jaehyun,” Johnny calls. “You good? You’ve been spacing out, bro.”
“Yeah, I’m good.” Jaehyun answers offhandedly, before contemplating to himself. Was he good? Jaehyun wouldn’t necessarily say he’s bad in any way, but it isn’t normal for him to have the thought of a girl remain so clearly engraved in his mind for so long, and even less common for it to actually be a girl he doesn’t even know nonetheless. It’s not a pressing issue, but it does bother him. He weighs over the next steps in his mind. 
“Alright, just making sure.”
With one last thought, Jaehyun concludes to himself that it’s time to tackle his concern at hand head-on. 
“Actually,” he starts, “Mark, do you remember the girl next to Yeri the day you asked for her number?” 
Mark quirks his head in thought and Jaehyun can see Johnny raise his eyebrows in sudden interest. 
“Uh kinda,” Mark answers. “I think she’s a CWP major. I’m pretty sure we shared an arranging class last semester, but like, I don’t know her personally or anything; it was a large lecture. To be honest, I don’t even think she recognized me at all, judging from her reaction that day. Why, what’s up?”
Jaehyun nods, absorbing the information, giving Johnny ample time to fire away. 
“Yeah Jaehyun,” Jaehyun can visualize the glint in Johnny’s eyes just from hearing his mischievous tone. “What is up? I haven’t seen you ask about a girl in a hot minute. Thought you suddenly went abstinent without telling me or something.”
Jaehyun isn’t quite sure how to reply. Without a doubt you were cute to Jaehyun and he wouldn’t be opposed for things to happen between the two of you, but he doesn’t even know you! Well, not that it’s been a problem for Jaehyun in the past, but your lingering presence bothers him in ways he cannot communicate. Why is that the thought of you won’t leave him and why does it bother him so much?
Jaehyun decides to be straightforward, as straightforward as his muddled brain allows him to be. “She’s cute. I wanna get to know her.” 
“Okay, Jaehyun.” Johnny whoops obnoxiously. “I see you.” 
Mark is surprised and suddenly Johnny is all fired up again. Abruptly, Johnny shoots up and the determination that burns in his eyes is admirable. 
“I’ve got it!” He declares proudly. 
Jaehyun and Mark are quiet, waiting patiently for him to continue. They say nothing, knowing there is not a thing that can reach him when Johnny gets like this. 
“We’re throwing a party and you bet your ass your two girls are gonna be there.”
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4. Heaven by Ailee
walking on Cloud 9. 
“When I hear your voice, it feels like I’m dreaming.”
You look up at the two-story house before you and wonder how you got here. Actually, you don’t wonder at all because you know exactly how you ended up at the steps of the local performing arts fraternity at your college, but you sigh regardless, as if someone had weaseled you into being here. Your nerves gnaw at you and you feel your stomach doing all types of aerobic tricks, the feeling reminiscent of the sensation before the roller coaster drops. 
Yeri grabs your hand and pulls you excitedly to the front door. You can feel the thrum of music emanating from the building.  
You recall how Yeri almost jumped you to tell the good news. 
Finals flew by without any major hitches, ignoring sleepless nights and caffeine crashes. You don’t know how you’ll do, but you’re satisfied with your exam performances. You were in the clear and were just waiting for Yeri to present her joint music theory project before the both of you could finally let loose as a celebration to end the school year. 
You waited for her outside of the classroom building as promised, playing with your phone to past time until you were suddenly engulfed by a delighted pair of arms. Yeri hugged you tight; she was in high spirits, seemingly from acing her presentation and you hugged her back in congratulations. She pulled at you closer and whispered in your ears, “just say yes.” 
You were confused, but looked up to see Mark headed toward the two you. Yeri released you, leaving one arm still slung casually over your shoulder.
“Hey guys. My frat’s throwing a party tonight to celebrate finishing exams. I was wondering if, uh, you guys wanted to come? I mean you don’t have to, it’s totally optional.” 
You didn’t say anything at first and Yeri interjected, “Of course!” She smiled at you innocently despite harshly pinching you to respond, her action hidden from Mark’s sight. “We’d love to, right?”
“Uh,” you answered distractedly. “Y-yeah, sure.” 
“Great.” Mark beamed. “Party starts at eight. I gotta go help set up, so I’ll see ya there!” 
And with that, he left as soon as he arrived and you looked at Yeri questioningly for answers. “I thought we were hitting downtown tonight. What happened to club hopping?” 
Yeri smiled devilishly, “change of plans. I’ll tell you more about it later. The most important thing is finding the perfect outfit for you tonight, cause Jaehyun’s gonna be there.” 
And so, here you find yourself dressed in high-waisted shorts and a cute top that took an embarrassingly long time to decide on. You are greeted by the fraternity president at the door of the house, Taeyong you think his name is, and he gives you two a quick verbal tour of the place, really emphasizing where to get drinks. Yeri thanks him for the both of you and you enter the crowded house. You think at least half of the performing art majors must’ve been here judging by the sheer volume of packed bodies. 
You remember Yeri explaining how she and Mark may have been making a breakthrough and this party was imperative for its success. You were completely okay attending for that reason alone, because after all, what kind of person sends her best friend to a frat party alone? However, your resolve to go was set in stone after she explained that the frat that was throwing the party just happened to be the same frat Jaehyun was a member of. 
“And y’know, seeing as how you’ve been obsessing over him the past few weeks, it’s the perfect opportunity.” 
You frown remembering her words and make your way to the kitchen with Yeri in tow. Various beverages, alcoholic and non-alcoholic, crowd the table and you recognize the guy standing nearby idly chatting with others. It’s Jaemin, an acting major in your history lecture with whom you frequently exchange notes with when either one of you decides to flake for the day. You vaguely recall him mentioning his fraternity association, but didn’t realize it happened to be this one. He sees the two of you approaching the drink table and he smiles widely.
“Oh hey, what’s up?” Jaemin greets casually. “Didn’t expect to see you here. How’d you think you did in the history final?” 
You groan. “I don’t even want to talk about it. What’s important is that we’re finished and I won’t ever have to think about the WWII timeline for, hopefully, forever.”
“Amen,” Jaemin laughs. “I’ll drink to that.” He raises up his red solo cup to cheers, before realizing both you and Yeri had nothing to drink. 
“Oh shit, I’m a pretty bad host, huh? First thing I should've done was get you two something to drink.” He chides himself, but his tone is playful. “What can I get for you, ladies?”
Before you can think about what you want, Yeri cuts you off, her tone matching Jaemin’s. “How about some shots to start off and we’ll forgive the lack of hospitality.”
Jaemin laughs again. “Alright, I like it.” His hands are adept at weaving around the table and finding the paper shot cups and the vodka. “Svedka’s okay, right?” 
“We’re not picky.” You and Yeri agree. You take the shot in one gulp and the unpleasant burning in your throat makes you wince. 
“Can I get you two anything else?” 
“Yeah,” you say. “I think another shot and then a mixed drink. Anything’s fine, but preferably on the stronger side.” You look over at Yeri and she nods in agreement.
“Coming right up.” Jaemin agrees easily. 
He pours the two of you another shot and you think he must be a generous guy because the shot is overflowing. You and Yeri cheer once more while Jaemin gets to work mixing a cherry bourbon with some Coke. He tops off the drinks with some ice before handing it over to the both of you. “Here they are. Enjoy, ladies.”
You thank him and take a sip before excusing yourself to make your way around the party. The drink is sweet and the smoky aftertaste of the bourbon gives it a pleasant edge. You and Yeri are attached to the hip as you drift from one part to another around the party, making easy going small talk along the way. You are sufficiently buzzed by this point and feel much lighter as though the party was somehow two degrees removed from your senses. You look over to check on Yeri and she’s noticeably drunker than you are, giggling about the simplest of things and slurring her words just the slightest bit. You make a mental note to ease the drinking, wanting to be sober enough to look after her in case anything were to arise. 
The two of you are at the base of the stairs when you hear Mark’s voice calling Yeri’s name. You turn your attention upward to see him ambling down the stairs with excited fervor. His cheeks are flushed, more so than usual around Yeri, and you can tell it’s due to alcohol because Mark is holding her hands and you know he can never be so bold without the help of liquid courage. 
“Yo Mark, slow down there.” A voice calls out and you look up again and you feel your breath caught in your throat. 
There in front of your eyes is Jung Jaehyun in the flesh. He looks heavenly dressed in simple jeans and a white tee. You unconsciously swallow the lump in your throat and your heart beat gallops a mile a minute in your chest. Your mouth goes dry and you mindlessly gulp down swigs of your drink. You know Yeri would’ve sniggered at your current state had she not been so tipsy and completely preoccupied with Mark. 
Jaehyun catches up to Mark and when he reaches the base of the stairs, he notices the two of you.
“Oh Jaehyun, lemme introduce you guys.” 
As promised, Mark introduces everyone quickly and Jaehyun shoots a smile that seems to be aimed at you. “Nice to meet everyone.” 
“Cool, now that everyone knows each other,” Mark starts. “Yeri, can I show you something?” 
“Uh, y-yeah.” 
You give Yeri a hard look and she takes your hand to squeeze it in reassurance. She looks at you pleadingly and there’s a confidence in her eyes that you can’t argue with. You relent and let her go. 
Mark takes her by the hand and leads her up the stairs while you watch, slightly worried. 
Jaehyun seems to have sensed your apprehension because the words that leave his mouth snaps you out of your perturbed state. “Don’t worry. Mark’s a good kid, you have nothing to worry about. You have my word on it.” 
And suddenly the situation dawns on you. The boy of your recent all-consuming infatuation stands here before you, and it’s just the two of you alone. Any social skills you have, leave you and you’re unsure of what to do. 
Jaehyun notices the awkward tension in the air and works quickly to dispel it. “Your drink’s looking low. Can I get you something else?” 
You look down to your drink to see that he was right. Only a few sips remain. You didn’t realize you had drank so much at the sight of Jaehyun. 
“Um, some water would be good. I don’t want to be too hungover tomorrow.” You answer shyly. You also need to be sober enough to look after Yeri, but you decide to leave that out.
Jaehyun chuckles, “sure thing. Here, come with me. I’ll get you some water.”
Jaehyun leads you to the kitchen with ease, seamlessly weaving through the crowds of people. Every group of people he passes greets him loudly to be heard of the pounding bass of the music. You are not surprised to see how popular he is. 
Once in the kitchen, he grabs you a bottle of water and a beer for himself from the fridge and you thank him. The cold water is refreshing, but it does little to cool your nerves. The awkward tension is high and still ever present. You feel as though you’re drowning in it and you also feel like running away from here despite this being what you’ve wanted for more than anything for weeks on end. 
“So,” Jaehyun starts, clearing his throat. “Mark told me you’re a CWP major?” 
“Uh, y-yeah, actually.” You hate how you’re so flustered around him. “How’d he know? Did Yeri tell him or something?” 
“He said you guys shared an arranging class last semester.” Jaehyun recalls.
“Wait, really? I had no idea.” You start going off on how you could’ve missed such a thing and Jaehyun smiles. You’re much more comfortable when a rhythm has been established and the words flow out of you easily. You’re not as relaxed as where Jaehyun wants you to be, but he thinks it’s a good start. 
You continue with small talk from there, much less uptight than before and you feel glad. Jaehyun is as radiant in person as he is in your imagination. You find him to be very kind and your heart flutters even more. Jaehyun mentions he’s a musical theatre major and you do your best to act surprised despite it being one of the only things you know about him prior to this moment.
Before he gets a chance to tell you more about himself, a tall boy with long limbs calls out to Jaehyun that it’s his turn to join the next game of beer pong. Jaehyun looks reluctant to leave and you don’t want him to leave either, but you’d hate to hold him back from prior engagements. 
“Would you,” Jaehyun licks his lips in consideration, “like to play with me? I don’t have a partner.” 
You nod your head and readily agree, eager to spend more time with him.
You’ve only played beer pong a handful of times and being around Jaehyun makes you nervous, so you miss the first few shots. You feel embarrassed, but Jaehyun is patient and assures you that it’s no problem at all. His little words of encouragement mixed with the beer you drink helps melt your tension, and halfway through the game, you’re whooping and hollering with everyone watching the game. 
You high-five Jaehyun without a second thought after nailing a perfect shot and Jaehyun smiles even wider. The two of you are leading when Taeyong comes in to kick everyone out. 
“Sorry guys, party’s over.” 
Groans of complaints could be heard throughout the crowd, but Taeyong’s words are firm and he ushers everyone to leave. He has a few other frat members behind him helping out. He reaches the beer pong table and pulls Jaehyun aside. After a few exchanged words, Jaehyun nods in agreement and ends the game completely, apologizing to his opponents. 
You’re confused, so you carefully ask Jaehyun what’s going on. He sees you and his gaze softens, he quietly explains, “apparently, the campus police have received multiple noise complaints and since the fraternity already has a strike, Taeyong doesn’t really want to risk another. “
“Ah, I see.” You nod. You’re saddened by the turn of events, having finally eased into a relative comfort around Jaehyun and you yearn for more. “Well, I better go look for Yeri then.” 
This is a goodbye and you’re unsure of what else to say to him, your disappointment mixes with alcohol making you feel even more miserable. You want to ask for more, but can’t find the words to reach him. Luckily, Jaehyun does it for you. 
“Are you free sometime this week?” He asks. “I feel like we didn’t get a chance to really talk and I’d like to.” 
Your heart hammers and the blood rushes in your ears, but you still find yourself uttering a mousy agreement.
“Great,” his smile is dazzling and you feel dizzy. “It’s a date then.”
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5. 24 Hours by Sunmi
rushed minutes. 
“Time goes by so quickly.”
“Hey,” a distant voice calls out and Jaehyun looks up from his phone to see your approaching figure. Your cheeks are rosy from the summer sun and stray pieces of your hair escape from your loosely styled updo. Jaehyun takes all of you in with careful appreciation.
“Hey yourself.” Jaehyun chuckles, slipping his phone casually in his pocket and standing up straighter to greet you properly.
Jaehyun sees the red of your face flush brighter, the soft color bleeding across your cheeks and onto your nose. Cute, he thinks. He watches as you tighten your grip on your clutch, knuckles white with nervous tension, in an attempt to gather your composure and calm your nerves. You clear your throat, “I didn’t know you’d be here so soon. You should’ve texted me.” 
“It’s all good, I finished early.” Jaehyun notices you no longer stutter around him like the first night you two met. He’s glad the days and nights of sober texting after exchanging numbers at the party did wonders to make you feel comfortable around him. He’s not too worried about your current ‘first-date’ anxiety, knowing it’ll be dispelled soon enough. “Shall we?” He moves to open the door and the cool rush of air from the cafe greets the two of you. 
The cafe is quaint and cozy, tucked away in a small corner of intersecting back streets and crowded buildings. Jaehyun discovered the little spot not too long ago and something, Jaehyun assumes his instincts, compelled him to take you to it for the first official date. It just felt right.
The two of you walk to the order counter and you take it all in. You can hear the quiet chatter of the cafe occupants mixed with the rattle of espresso machines being put to work. Your eyes scan over the decorations and several potted succulents hanging from the ceiling. It’s incredibly homey and you feel at ease. 
“Hiya, I can help the two of you whenever you guys are ready.” The barista is cheerful to a fault and Jaehyun watches you shoot her a grateful smile before your eyes move to the menu to decide on what to get. 
Jaehyun knows what he wants, so he waits patiently for you to decide, but seeing your eyebrows scrunch together in indecision, Jaehyun chuckles to himself. “I hear the iced lattes here are really good, particularly the caramel latte,” he offers. 
You perk up in surprise, but you recover quickly, “okay, that sounds good then. I was between that and the iced cocoa.”
“No problem, I’ll order then. Today’s on me.” Jaehyun says. 
Jaehyun walks up to the barista and quickly places the order. He reaches for his wallet after the barista recites the order, but he falters slightly when he sees your gaze glued to the cake display, particularly the crepe cake. 
“Can I get a slice of the chocolate crepe cake over there too?” 
“Of course! Here’s your new total,” she turns the touch screen display over to Jaehyun and he readily inserts his card to pay. When finished, Jaehyun turns back the screen and after a few taps from the barista, a receipt is printed and she hands him a buzzer. 
“Your order will be out shortly.” She informs him.
Jaehyun smiles and says a small ‘thank you’ in return before turning his attention to you. You look up to meet his eyes and you smile, “can we sit over there by the window?” 
You head to the little corner table first with Jaehyun steadily in tow. You sit at the chair that leaves your back to the window and Jaehyun is mesmerized by how the afternoon sunlight refracts through your silhouette. You’re glowing and Jaehyun swallows thickly. 
“So,” he starts. “What have you been up to?”
“Celebrating finishing my first year of college in one piece.” You laugh lightly. “I got by with passable grades, but other than that Yeri and I just finished moving into our new dorms. We’re no longer freshmen, so first year dorms are off limits. I’m gonna miss the convenient location.” You jokingly mope. 
Jaehyun laughs easily with you and before he gets a chance to reply, the buzzer goes off so he excuses himself to go pick up the order. 
A different barista places down a tray with your two drinks and a small slice of cheesecake with two dessert forks resting on some napkins. “Enjoy your order!” 
Jaehyun smiles in thanks and picks up the tray to bring it back to the table. He can’t wait to see the look on your face when you see the mille crepe cake and true to his expectations, your eyes light up at the sight of dessert. 
“Surprise.” He says. “I saw you looking at it earlier.” 
Jaehyun watches as you immediately grab a small fork and try a piece of the cake with unrestricted child-like excitement. Your eyes light up at the taste of the delicate layers of fresh whipped cream and thin crepes and the smile you shoot in his direction has Jaehyun’s heart beating a little faster than he’s willing to admit. 
“Thank you!” You look up at him. “It’s so good, you should definitely try a bite too.” 
“Yeah? I’ll try some then.” Jaehyun sits down and leans even closer to you over the table, his mouth open and expectant and his eyes staring straight into yours. 
You try your best to bite back the scarlet fighting to stain your cheeks as you cinch off a small section of the cake with your fork. Your hand falters just the slightest bit when delivering the small confection to his awaiting mouth, but you push through and feed him despite the embarrassment you feel. 
Jaehyun chews slowly and deliberately, taking his time to lick the stray whipped cream from the corner of his mouth. You lose the game of chicken, breaking eye contact first. 
“Yeah,” he agrees. “It’s good. We should definitely come back.” 
You let out a little awkward cough, desperate to ward off your cloud of emotions. “Uhm, yeah sure.”
Jaehyun has always thought you were cute, but he thinks you’re especially cute today. 
“Anyway,” you start. You want to change the topic because you don’t think you can survive this tension without your brain frying. “I feel like I’ve just seen you around recently. I should’ve run into you a long time ago since the performing arts college is so small.” 
“Oh,” Jaehyun is a little taken aback. “I used to be over at the East Campus. I was a business and administration major for two years before I switched over to musical theatre.”
“Wait really?” Your surprise erases any tension you felt earlier. “I had no idea.”
“Yeah,” he laughs. “It doesn’t really come up in conversation.” 
“Why’d you switch over? If you don’t mind me asking.” 
Jaehyun contemplates his reply for a second as takes a sip of his coffee. “Well, when I entered college, I didn’t really know what I wanted, so I just followed whatever my parents wanted me to do. I actually knew I liked musical theatre for the longest time, but it took time for me to build up the courage to switch. My parents weren’t happy with it at first and we fought for the longest time, but I think they’ve warmed up to it enough by now. I’ve never really talked about this though, I just tell people I transferred from a different college and the conversation just ends there I guess, but it’s really no big deal.”
“Thank you for telling me this, Jaehyun.” Your voice is sincere and Jaehyun believes you.
“What about you, hm?” Jaehyun returns. “Why CWP?” 
“I don’t really have one point that changed my life and helped me find my calling or whatever,” you ponder with a tilt of the head and the taste of cream dissolving in your mouth. “But ever since I was little, I always knew I was gonna end up doing something in music. I was never good at singing though, so vocal performance was out the door and I wasn’t that interested in classical instruments either, so that helped me narrow stuff down. Actually, what really helped me decide was during orientation, my group leader was a contemporary writing and production major and she told me all about it and I’ve been sold ever since. I really like it though, and have no intention of switching.”
“That’s good. Sometimes I wish I switched earlier.” Jaehyun muses. “I feel so behind sometimes. Most people in my class have already been in at least one musical and an internship, except for me. I think about it a lot, but I try not to let it get me so down.” 
“You shouldn’t feel that way!” You try your best to cheer him up, and Jaehyun appreciates it a lot more than he thought he would. “Everyone has their own pace, that’s what college is all about! Nothing is ever wasted time. You can think of your time as a business admin major as a way to help you make up your mind on your true passion. You told me you’ve always liked musical theatre, but I’ve bet without the time in business, you would’ve never known you liked it enough to pursue a career out of it.”
Jaehyun laughs at your earnesty. He thinks you’re a touch naive, but your words make him feel light. “You’re right. I can say for sure I wasn’t happy as a business major.”
“See? Nothing is ever wasted time if you can discover your true happiness out of it.” 
The two of you exchange easy chatter after that and between small bites of cake and sips of coffee, Jaehyun thinks you’ve become prettier and prettier.
“What was it like?” You ask absentmindedly.
“Hm? What was ‘what’ like?”
“Being a business and administration major.”
Jaehyun has to think about it. He recalls constantly dressing up for group presentations and boring lectures, but his mind wanders to his activities outside the classroom. He remembers the constant partying and the blur of faces that helped him keep his bed warm. He remembers brief flings and relationships cut short. He doesn’t want to think about those things when he’s next to you. “Uhm. It was okay, nothing special, but that reminds me–”
“Yeah?”
“Are you free next weekend?”
“I should be. Why, what’s up?”
“Great,” Jaehyun smiles while taking the last sip of his coffee. “I’m having a housewarming party at my new apartment. You should definitely be there.” 
--
The day of the long awaited housewarming party rolls up sooner than expected between settling into your new dorm with Yeri and the occasional small ‘get-togethers’ with Jaehyun. They’re actually dates if you're being honest, but you don’t want to put a title on anything in case he wasn’t on the same page as you. Being with Jaehyun made you giddy in more ways than one, but that means the anxiety that pools at the base of your stomach grows larger each day when the relationship between the two of you goes unnamed. You feel greedy when you desperately grasp at the shred of time you share with him, always unwillingly to let go.
“Are you ready?” Yeri’s voice breaks you out of your small reverie. Her hand is poised, ready to knock on the black door of Jaehyun’s apartment, waiting for you to gather your composure. Yeri is dressed to the nines in a cute skirt with a top to match. She wants to look good for her new boyfriend and you teased her endlessly for it when the two of you were getting ready.
“Mark’s one lucky guy.”
“Shut up. Worry about yourself.”
“All I do is love you, yet you’re so mean to me.”
Regardless of her harsh words toward you, she helped you toss your closet inside and out for the perfect outfit to woo Jaehyun, even if it meant showing up late to the party. 
The two of you leave your dorm twenty minutes later than you intended and it also didn’t help that Jaehyun’s apartment was difficult to find, tucked away in a small building between towering skyscrapers, but now is finally the moment of truth. 
“Yeah, I’m ready as I’ll ever be,” you mutter as you watch Yeri knock on the door. 
It takes a minute before the door creaks open and Jaehyun’s head pops out. His smile is radiant and you’re absolutely ensnared by the way his fringe falls over his forehead. 
“Hey, glad you two could make it.” Jaehyun opens the door wider to allow you and Yeri to enter. He greets Yeri with polite warmth while he wraps an arm over your shoulders. When Yeri heads in the apartment first with her back against the two of you, Jaehyun steals a quick peck to your temple and whispers, “you look pretty tonight.”
His touch is fleeting and he pulls back quickly, as if you imagined the whole thing, but his cheeky smile tells you that it really did happen. Your heart hammers and you force yourself to focus on the steady thrum of mellow R&B that reverberates throughout his apartment to calm yourself. You take his apartment in steady strides with your full attention. It’s sleek and modern with a few pops of his personality here and there in the form of trinkets decoration choices. 
“Hey!” Johnny calls over from the couch. He has a beer in hand, but he’s far from tipsy. Flanked on one side is Doyoung with another beer to match and on the other is Sicheng. Seulgi, the girl, who you assume is Sicheng’s significant other, by the way his arm is casually wrapped around her waist, is also there and she nods at you in greeting. You've come to know about all of them after hanging out with Jaehyun so much. “Did you guys get lost or something?” 
“Yeah,” Yeri replies as she moves to sit next to Mark who’s on the adjacent loveseat and resting a drink on the coffee table.  “Something like that.”  
She places a sweet kiss to the corner of Mark’s mouth in greeting and you swear you can hear him crooning at the attention. 
“Doesn’t matter, Johnny. The important thing is that they’re here now.” Jaehyun interjects. “Do you guys want anything to drink?”
“That’d be nice.” You hum.
Yeri laughs in agreement, “yeah, the two of us could never say no to a drink.”
“Alright, I’m on it.” Jaehyun calls while moving to the kitchen. “Any preferences?”
“No,” you say. “Surprise us.”
Jaehyun works to mix drinks and you take a seat on the floor next to the coffee table to observe the party. Perched on the shelf of a slender bookcase in the corner of his living room is a bluetooth speaker playing music, the rhythm quiet and bass steady as everyone chatters away once introductions are made on the sofas. You remember him offhandedly mentioning that he doesn’t want any noise complaints on his first week in the new place and it makes sense. Jaehyun’s housewarming party is a quiet affair that is far different from the wild party at the frat house in which you met him, but you think this vibe fits Jaehyun more.
Jaehyun returns shortly with two drinks in tow for you and Yeri and sits himself snugly next to you on the floor. He picks his idle beer from the coffee table and once Johnny realizes that everyone in the proximity has a drink in hand, he raises his voice and beer in a toast. “It sucks that Taeyong couldn’t make it tonight, but here’s to having fun without him. We’re gonna get twice as fucked up to make up for his absence, cheers!”
Everyone lets out a chuckle, but obliges to humor him anyway and joins to connect their drink to his in cheers. 
You pull your cup back and take a big gulp of the drink. It’s sweet and carbonated, but the sting of alcohol at your throat leaves you wincing just the slightest bit.
A few pleasantries are exchanged here and there, but it’s only then does Doyoung pull out a deck of cards with a devilish glint in his eyes that deceive his looks. 
“Ring of fire, anyone?”
--
After who knows how many rounds of ring of fire (and maybe a few other drinking games here and there) with too many drink refills for you to remember, you somehow find yourself splayed on the couch and leaning over Yeri’s shoulder in support. Seulgi is on the other side of you leaning on you for support, the same way you’re doing to Yeri, but you don’t mind it one bit. The three of you have grown surprisingly close with one another throughout the night.
Your mind is lucid enough to still be conscious and completely aware of where you are and what you’re doing, but the alcohol in your system eats away at the details in your memory. 
You vaguely recall ridiculous punishments that involved Johnny twerking on the dining room table and Mark taking a shot of Jack Daniels mixed with ketchup, and you can’t help but snicker to yourself. 
“I think we should get going now.” Sicheng is the first to speak as he moves to help Seulgi up. “It’s getting late.”
Doyoung looks a little groggy, but when he checks the time, he perks up immediately, “oh shit, you’re right. I need to get going too, I’ve got something in the morning.”
With that everyone shuffles to clean the remnants of the party with as much grace as they can muster while intoxicated, which wasn’t much, but in twenty minutes, Jaehyun is already walking half the party to the door in goodbye. Only you, Mark, and Yeri are left. 
“Hey Yeri,” Mark calls softly to Yeri as he brushes a strand of hair from her face. “Are you ready to go too?”
Yeri is still sprawled on the couch with you, but mumbles a small response. “Yeah, I should be. Give me a second.”
She turns over to you and nudges you just the slightest bit. “I’m gonna go back to Mark’s tonight, are you gonna be okay?”
“Yeah,” you assure her. “I’ll be fine, just go have fun.”
“She’s free to rest here until she’s ready to leave, don’t worry. I’ll call a cab for her when the time comes.” Jaehyun pipes up. 
Yeri gives you a look, but you squeeze her hand one last time to give her some peace of mind. “I’m a big girl, Yeri. I’ll be okay, promise. I’ll walk you to the door, Mark’s waiting.”
You give Yeri a tight hug in goodbye and you find your way back to the couch. The fact that you’re all alone in Jaehyun’s apartment doesn’t hit because of the remnants of alcohol in your system melts away your nerves. 
You’re pleasantly buzzed, lost in your own thoughts when Jaehyun comes up to you with a glass of water in hand. “Here, so you don’t feel as bad tomorrow morning.”
You accept it gratefully and take in big gulps, the water refreshing, but your skin feels hot. 
Jaehyun takes a seat next to you and the proximity makes your head spin. You turn to look at him, and he flashes you a smile.
“Have I told you how beautiful you look tonight?”
“You might’ve mentioned something.” You tease. “But I don’t mind hearing it again.”
“Well,” he hums. You’re not sure, but you think the distance between the two of you is decreasing. “You really do look stunning tonight.”
You flush at his words, but you look straight into his eyes. “You don’t look too bad yourself.”
“Yeah? I try to impress.” Jaehyun’s eyes are hooded and your throat goes dry. “Can I kiss you?”
You say nothing at first, his words not registering into your muddled brain, but when you feel his breath ghost over your lips, you don’t hesitate to close the gap between you. 
His lips are slightly chapped and you can taste the vodka on his breath, but to you it’s perfect. Jaehyun’s perfect.
Jaehyun kisses you with reserved passion and practiced expertise. His tongue sets the rhythm against yours and his roaming hands have you feeling as if you’ve been set ablaze. He pulls back just the tiniest bit and the intense longing for his touch that hits you is indescribable. 
You pull him back in your arms and your lips reconnect in a desperate fervor. Jaehyun adjusts his arms around you and the next you know, you’re in his embrace and he’s carrying you to his bedroom. He places you down gently, his bed is plush and comforter soft. 
Jaehyun’s touch is gentle as he gathers your face in his hands. He kisses you again and you wrap your arm around his neck to pull him closer. He pulls back and looks at you earnestly. “I don’t want to do anything you’re not comfortable with. We don’t have to do anything tonight.”
Everything’s moving so fast and you’re dizzy, but you don’t want whatever this is to stop. You want to be as close to Jaehyun as possible.
“No,” your voice is hoarse. “Don’t stop. I want you, Jaehyun.”
He kisses you again, this time unrestrained. His tongue is hot, but you can only savor it for a minute before he starts trailing kisses down your neck and tugging at your shirt. You let out a breathy moan in response to how his touches make you feel. 
Jaehyun reaches at your shorts and makes quick work at unbuttoning them. You help him remove the article of clothing and his slender fingers dart inside your panties. You’re slick to the touch and Jaehyun must be made of magic because you think you’re seeing stars. You unravel before him embarrassingly quick, but he kisses you at the base of your clavicle in sweet reassurance. 
Your chest is heaving, but you want more. You grab at Jaehyun’s shirt, urging him to take it off. The expanse of his abdomen is a sight to behold, but Jaehyun is cruel and doesn’t give you the time to take it in. He’s on top of you again, lips crashing onto yours once more. He reaches behind you to unclasp your bra and while he’s pre-occupied, you unbuckle his belt and steal a moment in his boxers. He feels thick and hot in your hands as you run your finger over the tip to feel a drop of pre-cum. He buckles just the slightest bit and it emboldens you. 
Jaehyun helps himself out of his jeans and you push him onto the bed wanting to be on top this time. He’s straining against his boxers and you want to help relieve the tension. When you pull off his boxers you can feel his inaudible groan. You stroke his length gingerly and look up to see him with hooded eyes look right back at you. 
This excites you so you take him in your mouth in a moment of unfiltered courage. Your tongue starts at the base before tracing your way up to his sensitive head. You tease him accordingly to his quiet grunts and groans and when you feel like he’s had enough, you take all of him in until his tip is hitting the back of your throat. You gag a bit, but push through.
“Fuck,” Jaehyun stutters out between stacatoed breaths. “Babe, you’re so good.”
You hum in pleasure at his praise and he grabs your hair. This goes on for a few more minutes before he reaches down to stop you. “Not that I don’t love this,” the look in your eyes nearly has him faltering his words, “but I don’t want to cum just yet.”
You relent with a slick pop and Jaehyun shifts over to rummage for a condom in his nightstand. You settle back down in his pillows. Jaehyun gives you a soft kiss on the lips before he enters you. 
“Tell me when it’s okay to move,” he whispers and you place a small kiss at the base of his neck. 
He starts off slow to let you acclimate to his size, but neither of you are very patient, so he ends up pounding into you a lot sooner than he anticipated and you find yourself getting caught up in the pleasure.
It feels like you’re dreaming, but if this was a dream, you never want to wake up.
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6. Hush by Miss A
shh, no talking, just us.
“I can’t think straight.”
You and Jaehyun don’t become official until a few weeks later. 
He asks you one day when you’re naked and out of breath. You’ve gone one too many rounds with him and a thin layer of sweat coats your body as you lay on his heaving chest. You absentmindedly draw shapes on his skin and he gives you a chaste kiss to your temple.
“We should date.” He hums. “I think I’d make a good boyfriend.”
“Yeah?” You raise your eyebrow in teasing.
“Yeah,” he ascertains. “Give me a chance and I’ll show you.”  
“Hmm,” you pretend to think it over as if this wasn’t you’ve been hoping for since the first moment you laid eyes on him. “Okay. Let’s give it a try, boyfriend.”
Jaehyun laughs and you feel the world fall into its right place. “Alright, girlfriend.”
And the rest is history as they say. 
Jaehyun isn’t your first, but you experience many firsts with him. You’re not exactly inexperienced, but he really opens your eyes.
“Fuck,” he groans into your neck. His hands grip at your hips to help guide you along, but you’re fully in charge. “You’re doing so good, babe. Just like that.” 
You didn’t see yourself as someone who liked to take charge during sex, but after that one time Jaehyun asked you to top, you’ve never looked back since. 
You roll hips into him and at a pace you know drives Jaehyun wild and you pull him into a sloppy kiss. It’s all tongue and no grace, but you love it the same regardless. You capture his bottom lips between your teeth playfully before pushing him flat on his back until he’s firm against his plush mattress. You place a hand on his chest and the other on his thigh to balance yourself and Jaehyun immediately knows you’re close. 
A hand rests on your hip to steady you while the other snakes over to play with your clit to further stimulate you toward your climax. Jaehyun knows what you like and his timing is impeccable, so before you know it, both of you are reaching your highs together. You collapse on his chest and you allow yourself to stay in his warmth long enough to have your breaths synchronize before you extricate yourself from him to head to his bathroom. 
When you come back out, he’s disposed of the used condom and opens your arm wide for a hug, which you gladly indulge in.
Time stops when you’re in his arms.
--
On the surface, it looks like Jaehyun likes to mix it up. He seems like  an elusive guy with varied tastes, but the more time you spend with him, you realize he likes the control of seeing you unravel before him.
He likes the intimacy of missionary. 
The close proximity to your body has him looking into your eyes and leaving you feeling the most vulnerable of ways. He has full access to your neck, which he lovingly claims as his own and you chide him the next day when you see scattered purple blooms. Jaehyun changes his pace on a whim and you fall to his mercy. When he takes you fast and hard, you see stars, but when thrusts in you with languid leisure, he has you begging for more. 
He likes the intensity of taking from behind. 
When you’re on your knees with your ass in the air, he takes it as a guarantee to fuck you senseless. Your muffled moans makes his dick twitch and you swear you can feel him fuck into you even faster. Jaehyun always makes sure to wrap his arms around you to finger your clit until you go into sensory overload and he doesn’t stop pounding into you until there are tears in your eyes. He kisses each one away before taking your lips in his and you can taste the salt water on his tongue.
He likes the dominance from eating you out.
He laps at your core like a starved man and makes good use of his adept fingers until your head is spinning. Jaehyun makes it a habit to eat you out until you’re satisfied before he gets his turn. When your thighs are on either side of his head and your hands tangled in his hair, he swears he can stay there forever.
Above all, Jaehyun just likes you. He likes being with you and he definitely likes fucking you and you wouldn’t have it any other way.
--
“Mmmh,” you breathe out.
Your back is flush against Jaehyun’s back as you rock your hips back and forth on his dick. You grind your ass back even harder when he pinches your nipple between his fingers. 
He kisses your shoulder blade from behind and bucks his hip upward to meet you in the middle. 
The afternoon sunlight is streaming in from the gaps of his blinds and you want to take it nice and slow today. The television in front of you is playing a movie, but you’re too enraptured by the feeling of him filling you to the brim to pay it any mind. 
“I love it when you’re on top, babe.” he hums as he plays with your clit. 
You let out another breathy groan before you can find the composure to bite back at him. “What happened to no sex today, hmm? I thought we were just going to have innocent quality time together and watch a movie.”
Jaehyun must’ve not liked your sass, so he bucks up harder. He’s telling you to pick up the pace and you oblige. Before you know, you’re practically bouncing on his dick and you can feel your impending high about to crash down on you. He can sense it too and maintains his tempo. When you cum, Jaehyun rides on the tail of your climax in pursuit of his own. He cums shortly after with stuttering hips and a bite on your shoulder. He gathers you in his arms and runs his tongue soothingly over where he bit you and the various love bites that he’s littered on the expanse of your skin. 
“Just being with you is quality time in itself.” He says. “Besides, class is starting soon, so I won’t get to see you as much.”
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7. Disturbance by BoA
a ripple on the surface.
“I didn’t know at first.”
“So I do have a roommate after all,” Yeri’s voice calls out and you turn over to see her standing by the doorway. You roll your eyes at her, but quickly turn back to gather your things. 
She lets out a chuckle, but you don’t miss the sour edge to her tone. “I thought I got a single dorm since it’s so empty all the time.”
“You say that, Yeri,” you retort. “But I know you’re over at Mark’s constantly so I don’t wanna hear it from you.”
“Yeah, but I make time to come back here and I always let you know when I’m going out. I feel like I’ve only seen you maybe once or twice the past few months. I feel like the only reason I see you these days is ‘cause of classes.”
“You’re just exaggerating, don’t be so dramatic. Come on, let’s go. I don’t want to be late.”
She looks displeased, but nothing leaves her lips as the two of you head out for the day.
--
It’s late. 
When night falls, shadows come out to play and your college campus is riddled with them. The school auditorium is situated in the far corner of the campus and the lamp lights of the main walkways do little, but you pay it little mind. Jaehyun should be getting out soon.
It takes another ten minutes to see him emerge from the double doors and you perk up immediately at the sight of him. He looks a little shocked to see you, but greets you with a warm hug and small peck regardless. 
“Hey,” his voice is small, almost reserved. “What are you doing here? I thought I told you I was finishing late tonight.”
“Oh, you did, but I still wanted to see you.” You explain, eyes bright and tone undeterred.
“Not that I don’t appreciate it,” he licks his lip. “But it’s really late and I still have more stuff I need to work on. I’ll see you some other time, okay?”
“Oh, okay.”
“Yeah, I’m sorry, babe. Next time.”
--
“Oh hey,” you smile, but Yeri’s fury is palpable and cuts through you.
“Don’t ‘oh hey’ me.” She spits out. “Where have you been? Why didn’t you answer your phone?”
Sheepish, you reply, “oh sorry. I forgot to fully charge it before leaving and Jaehyun and I have different phones, so I couldn’t charge it at his place.”
“You were at Jaehyun’s?” Yeri is glaring at you at this point and you feel a bit peeved. 
“Yeah. What of it?” 
Yeri’s been getting angry at you recently, losing her temper at the drop of a hat, and you can’t seem to pinpoint why. You’re getting tired of being her punching bag. 
“We made plans to go shop for Seulgi’s gift today. You promised you’d be there, don’t you remember?”
“Oh shit.” It completely slips from your mind and you open your mouth to apologize, but Yeri cuts you off before you get the chance.
“Forget it. I don’t want to hear it. It doesn’t matter anymore.”
Yeri turns to leave before you can say anything back.
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8. Symptoms by SHINee
something’s wrong.
“The worse it gets, the more exhausted I get.”
Jaehyun feels off.
He can’t pinpoint exactly what he is that he’s feeling, but he thinks it’s reminiscent of his world being tilted by six degrees. It’s not immediately jarring and takes little time for his eyes to register, but he’ll occasionally bump his toe, signalling that this isn’t right. Things aren’t where they’re supposed to be. His head spins just the slightest bit and he feels woozy, but he doesn’t know why.
Jaehyun just feels off.
--
Jaehyun checks the bulletin board of his school auditorium almost religiously. 
Each time before and after class, he’ll swing by and peruse the flyers that hang from haphazardly stuck on pins. He ignores the tutoring offers and the part time jobs scams, his main focus is almost always on the center of the board where they post the upcoming musical theatre production and eventually, the cast list. 
This semester, the chosen production is La La Land and Jaehyun has been dead set on landing the role of Sebastian Wilder. He stays back extra late each day to practice the script and to work on his singing and annunciation. 
On the day of the audition, he’s sure he’s nailed it and thinks to himself the world must be ending if he weren’t to get the leading role. 
When he leaves the auditorium in a rush, excitement flows through his veins and he drinks in the night air as a toast of victory. He’s tipsy on his excitement and wants to laugh out loud, but in the corner of his vision, he sees you. Your eyes light up the sight up, outshining the moon and the stars, but your visage does not elicit the reaction he thinks it should. He expects his heart to swell and burst, but somehow he feels heavy. 
He pulls you in for a hug and a quick kiss to quell his weighted heart, but he thinks he’s starting to sink so he calls you off for the night. He’ll see you next time. 
Yeah, next time will be better.
--
You’re snuggled up close and personal on Jaehyun’s chest. Jaehyun notices you fill every nook and cranny of his being perfectly to a tee, and yet that feeling. It’s there again. 
Jaehyun feels off. 
You laugh at something one of the characters say and you cuddle harder into him. He feels heavy again and it makes his throat itch, so he swoops down and captures your lips.
It’s hard and fast to scrub away at his uneasiness and before he knows it, his clothes are missing, but so are yours. The foreplay is brief and almost impersonal, but he doesn’t care. He just needs to be inside you. 
When Jaehyun has you begging and writhing, he feels like the world is where it should be. No longer is he living at a slight angle when he’s buried to the hilt inside your warmth, so when he sees you, he does what he can to get you out of your pants. 
Today is no different from any other. 
After a satisfying session you roll on his chest. Your kiss is soft and sweet despite the sweat that covers both of your bodies. He hums quietly as he taps melodies on along your exposed spine.
“Jaehyun?”
“Yeah?”
“I think I love you.”
Ah. Jaehyun thinks he’s getting it now, why he’s feeling off.
Jaehyun thinks he’s being suffocated.
--
To the surprise of no one, and especially not to him, Jaehyun gets the leading role of Sebastian Wilder in La La Land. He was a shoe-in for it anyway and he made sure to put in the work to get it. 
His leading lady is someone by the name of Park Sooyoung, but at the first rehearsal she introduces herself as Joy.
“It’s nice to meet you.” She offers her hand out in a friendly greeting. “Here’s to a successful show together, Jaehyun.”
Her smile is blinding and he thinks Joy is a fitting name. He grasps her outstretched hand, grip firm and sure. 
“Yeah,” he smiles back. “Here’s to a good show together.”
--
Rehearsals span over blurred minutes and long hours. 
Jaehyun sees less and less of you and spends more and more time with her. 
During a quick water break, he scans his phone briefly to see a text notification from you. He takes another swig of water and returns to the rehearsal.
It’s okay, he can always text you back later.
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9. Before U Go - TVXQ!
letting go.
“I will leave now.”
“Come on!” You tug both Mark and Yeri along excitedly. “I want to get good seats.”
Yeri rolls her eyes, but obliges anyway, pulling Mark along. It’s opening night for Jaehyun’s big musical and you wanted to be there no matter what to support him. Johnny, Doyoung, Taeyong, Sicheng, and Seulgi are already inside waiting and you’re not sure if they were able to save the three of you a spot. 
After a long chat with Yeri, you apologized profusely to her. You did get blinded by your relationship with him and prioritized him over everything, forgetting your friends and other responsibilities in the process. Yeri forgave you easily and helped keep you in line when you went to head over heels for Jaehyun. 
However, after patching things up with Yeri, you begin to notice a shift in your relationship with Jaehyun’s. You’re not quite sure how to describe it, but it almost feels like a distance almost. 
You chalk it up to his busy rehearsal schedule and choose not to dwell on the topic, in fears of your wandering imagination. It should be fine. After his musical is over, he’ll be less busy and things will fall back into place. 
Right?
“Over here!” Seulgi waves over excitedly. 
The auditorium is starting to fill up and you want to get comfortable before the show starts. 
Everyone greets each other in hushed tones and soon enough, the show starts. 
Right. Everything will be fine.
--
Jaehyun does amazing. 
Your eyes are trained on him the whole time and his singing has goosebumps pricking your skin. You can see the passion pour through him every time he’s on stage and you couldn’t be more proud. 
A nagging feeling at the pit of your stomach points out the undeniable chemistry between him and his co-star, but you push it deep down and suppress it. 
They’re actors, and they’re good at what they do. 
Yeah. They’re just acting. Yeah. Acting.
--
When the curtains close, you’re the first to shoot out of your seat, eager to meet him backstage. You weave through the endless crowd of people, murmuring your ‘sorry’s’ and ‘excuse me’s’ as you pass by. You reach the base of the backstage and shoot a message to let him know you’re waiting. You hum to yourself when you happen to overhear a conversation playing out. 
“You did so good, Jae.” 
“No, you definitely carried the show.” 
You turn up and you see them. Her eyes are almost soft and loving as she pulls your boyfriend in for a hug. They linger in the embrace longer than necessary and you clear your throat to catch his attention. 
He jolts just the slightest bit when he sees you and immediately lets her go. 
“Everyone’s waiting,” you say quietly. 
“Okay,” he nods. “Let me go get my stuff in the back.”
Jaehyun leaves the two of you alone and you wait for him to get back. 
When you leave, he waves goodbye to her and she smiles back.
--
Jaehyun’s celebration party is rowdy, but it’s to be expected when Johnny is the one hosting. 
He books a table at the local club and even orders bottle service. The eight of you work your way through two whole bottles of tequila and are already on your third. Jaehyun is downing the shots at a quicker pace than usual and you’re a bit concerned, but you’re unable to say anything because when you try, he whisks himself away to the dance floor and strikes up a conversation with someone else. 
You’re perturbed, but you say nothing. This is his celebration night and he can choose to enjoy it how he wishes. 
By the end of the night, Jaehyun is noticeably drunk and you haul him outside to get a breath of fresh air in hopes of sobering up. He’s heavy, but you make it out the side door. You prop him up on your side as you lean on the grimy brick walls. 
Months have passed and the weather is chilly. 
Jaehyun’s body sways and he murmurs something in your ear. You don’t catch it the first time, the overwhelming smell of tequila overtaking your senses. 
“What was that?”
He grumbles beneath his breath, steps staggering once more. He tries again, this time his words are crisp and clear and they cut into you in more ways than one. 
“I think we should end it.”
For someone so drunk, he sounds so sober.
You’re at a loss for words. A part of you knew this was coming from his lack of enthusiasm around you and his decreased texts. Even the cold night air couldn’t keep your heartbreak at bay. You say nothing, but you understand the both of you knew it was a silent agreement.
You breathe out wisps of chilled air as Jaehyun’s inebriated body stays slumped over on your side. 
--
You volunteer to take Jaehyun home.
You tuck him gently in bed making sure to prop him on his side in case he vomits during the night. You pour a glass of water and place an ibuprofen on his nightstand drawer for him in the morning. 
You kiss him on the forehead one last time. You hope it conveys all of the things brewing in your heart at the moment, but you know it doesn’t. 
Later, you leave his apartment with all of your belongings that you ever left there with the stars as your witness. 
You never return to his place again.
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10. Coffee Shop by B.A.P
what could’ve been.
“So without knowing, like a habit, I came here.”
Jaehyun wakes up to an empty bed.
Morning sunlight streams through his blinds and burns at his skin as a sign to get ready for the day. He blinks the drowsiness from his system and stretches his weary joints before heading to the bathroom to get ready for the day. 
On his rare day offs, he allows his body to go on auto-pilot. He completely shuts his brain off and allows it to do whatever it chooses.
Today, it takes him back to the cafe. 
His body knows where it’s going before it registers in his mind. 
The barista manning the order counter is different, but the decorations are the same, still the same succulents hanging from the ceilings. He mulls over the menu and goes up to order.
“Can I get an iced caramel latte?” Jaehyun doesn’t have much of a sweet tooth, but he’s feeling nostalgic today. 
“Of course! Here’s your total.” 
He pays with a swipe of his card and the barista goes to work making his drink. He waits around by the counter and soon enough, his drink is ready. That particular table is empty, so he grabs a chair to sit. His first sip is overly saccharine, but he appreciates how the flavor mellows out by the end of it. 
It’s been nearly a year since that night. 
Jaehyun remembers waking up to a splitting headache and a dry mouth. He thought nothing of the prepared setup as he gulps the ibuprofen and the glass of water in one go. Nothing seemed amiss really until a few days later. 
No one mentioned your name around him and he caught Seulgi giving him a look every now and then. Mark didn’t say much either, but Jaehyun felt him drifting away.
He thought he’d feel a lot more, but he didn’t. One day you were a part of his life and then the next day you weren’t. It really was that simple.
He kept in contact with Joy even after La La Land was over and maybe they were something more, but it didn’t last longer than a few weeks. 
It didn’t feel right when he was with her. Again, something felt off, but a different kind of off.
Joy was the one to end things with him, but he didn’t mind too much. 
He filled his days with study and practice and it wasn’t until he landed a job at his local theatre company that he realized.
It was you. It was always you and perhaps it still is you. 
Maybe you were different. Maybe you were the one, but Jaehyun didn’t try.
He recalls feeling smothered. You were always there at the beginning, but he took that for granted. 
There are a lot of things he regrets, but above all, he regrets not talking with you. He regrets not trying to work on it. He regrets being a coward and running away at the first signs of true emotions. 
You weren’t perfect, but neither was he, but he should’ve stayed so the both of you could work it out together. Jaehyun always did take too long to find the courage to pursue what he wanted.
With a final sip, he finishes the drink and moves to throw it away. Then, he sees you. Here, in the flesh, in almost a year. 
Your hair is longer, but your cheeks are still as rosy as ever. You walk up to order and Jaehyun thinks it’s a sign. He moves to greet you, but the doors open again and in walk Yeri and Seulgi. He watches you greet them warmly with wide open arms. 
You always did give the best hugs.
Jaehyun watches the three of you chatter away and he feels acutely out of place in the little cafe. You look happy and he should move on. 
He throws his finished cup in the trash can and moves to exit through the side door, but he moves too slowly.
“Jaehyun, is that you?” You call out. He looks into your steady gaze and almost feels shy. 
“Yeah,” he’s quiet. “It’s been awhile.”
“It has,” you agree. “You look well.”
The smile you give him has him believing in second chances and maybe he’ll get it right this time.
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Note: i am so sorry that the second part is a hot mess express smh… there were a lot of things i planned and intended that didn’t happen, but i’ll just take this as a learning experience and write and better story next time. thanks for taking the time to read this !! <3
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masterlist.
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Note
hiii!!! can i request a hange x reader fic where they are having a being intimate or having a moment and Levi walks in. and is like wtf. but praises hange on their choice of women? ( could you use a mix of they and she for hange please!)
Absolutely!
I just know Levi would be the type to act disgusted, but internally he's actually really happy for Hange that they finally found somebody :')
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Quickly
(Zoe Hange x Reader)
AU: Canon
Warnings: None
Category: Fluff, a little smut but they get caught lmao
Summary: Hange is busy doing work when their S/O comes to visit them, so they let them stay for a bit. But, as soon as they get to fooling around, Hange realizes they forgot to lock the door.
Words: 1.9K
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"Knock knock."
You push the door to Hange's office open casually, not even waiting for any sort of confirmation from them that you were allowed in—after all, Hange never said 'no' to any of your visits. It was essentially your office too now, since she had given you a spare key to "come over whenever you'd like and for whatever reason you'd like". You understood the implications of what she was saying, but pushed the thought to the back of your mind, accepting the key graciously.
"Ah, hello Y/n." Their voice echoed through the room, their back turned as she fiddled with some equipment and papers on her desk, working vigorously as usual. You shut the door behind you, stretching your arms above your head as you strolled over to your lover.
Your arms wrapped around her waist from behind the second you got close enough, burying your head in their neck—a cheeky way of getting their attention that never once failed.
"Baby, I'm working." She chuckled in mock protest, but based off of how quickly they dropped their tools and looked up from their papers, you doubted she was planning on stopping you.
"I know," You breathe against her neck, slowly and meticulously luring them further and further from her work. "But I missed you~."
"What do you want?" Hange suddenly asked. It wasn't in annoyance, but a genuine question. "Do you want something in particular?"
You sat there silently against her shoulder for a moment, pondering. What did you come here for? Mostly, you were just bored and lonely—stable duty wasn't the most appealing job—but you didn't have anything planned when you came over.
"I dunno..." You mumble. "Just wanted to see you..."
Hange chuckled, freeing herself from your grasp and turning to face you. "That's fine." They say, hooking their arms around your lower back to pull you up, and you wrap your legs around her waist as she starts walking.
After a few seconds, she'd sat down, and you heard the distinct scratching of the chair against the floor as she scooted forward. You were in their lap now, body pressed up against hers so closely that you could feel the rise and fall of their chest with each steady breath. They'd already scooted the chair up as close to their work desk as they could, and even your lower back was pressed semi-uncomfortably against her wooden desk, you didn't mind at all. Your legs were to either side of her, and you faced the back wall blankly.
"We can stay like this for a while." She muttered, her left hand slowly rubbing up and down your back while her right picked up the pen and started to fill out the stack of paperwork on her desk. You chuckled—Hange's inability to pry themselves from their work was evident as always.
You settled down, your breaths leveling to slow, easy pace as you buried your head in the crook of her neck, finding deep solace and tranquility in her embrace. Your eyes shut against her, and you slowly breathed in their scent. It was very distinct—somewhat musky, yet also smelling of ink and fresh paper. The tension evaporated from your muscles as you sunk further into them, the warmth of their body and the gentle rhythm of their heartbeat lulling you to sleep in her arms.
After a certain amount of time—you weren't quite sure how long—something stirred you awake, and a groan involuntarily left your lips as your eyes peeled open.
You were still in the chair, and in Hange's embrace, but the sound of pen on paper had ceased, and you could only assume that they had finished their a while back.
Her face was now pressed into your shoulder, and both of her hands had snaked under your shirt and onto the bare skin of your back. If you didn't know better, you'd assume she was asleep, but you heard a soft chuckle pass your lover's lips, the exhalation brushing warm air against the nape of your neck.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you. Are my hands too cold?" She spoke gently and quietly, a stark contrast to her usually loud tone. She didn't want to bother you with her usual loudness immediately after you had woken up.
"Now that you mention it, a little." You mumble, closing your eyes in a vain attempt at getting more rest.
"Sorry. Here, I'll move them." They make good on their words, removing their hands from yours and moving them up to your head, pulling it up from her shoulder. She cups your face in her hands, one side in each palm, and pulls you towards her face for a chaste kiss on the lips.
Finally starting to wake up, you move your lips back to hers after a moments hesitation. They return the kiss eagerly, hands moving to your shoulders, squeezing them lightly. Their lips are warm and soft against yours. Perhaps a little chapped, but you had long gotten used to the feeling.
Teasingly, Hange moves her hands down, letting them slink to your waist, purposefully dragging of the sides of your breasts on the way down. Their tongue left their mouth, dragging up your bottom lip teasingly.
You pull away in shock, wiping the small trail of saliva connecting the two. "H-Hange—!"
They lean their head back, letting out a hearty laugh. "Sorry, I just wanted to see what you would do!"
Despite playing it off as a joke, her hands never left your hips. In fact, their grip only tightened.
"Unless..." She teased, hands slowly riding up, causing your shirt to rise and expose your stomach. "You want to keep going?"
A pink tint rises to your cheeks as your shirt continued to rise up your stomach, Hange's eyes shamelessly staring down at your exposed skin, thoroughly enjoying the view.
"Hange~," You whined, squirming under their grasp and trying in vain to fight off the tingle in the pit of your stomach. "We're on duty, stop being horny!" You laughed, causing Hange to giggle as well.
"What's the harm in it? I've down my work, and so have you... You locked the door on the way in, you nobody'll catch us anyway. I'll be quick about it~..."
You sighed, debating on whether it's really worth it. After all, captain Levi would surely chew you out for it if he caught you and Hange getting frisky. But the door was locked, so you decided it would be alright. Just this once.
"Fine..." You sigh, "Just be quick about it."
Hange's eyes lit up with excitement at your permission, immediately pulling your shirt up, not taking it off completely, but pulling it up enough to expose your breasts, still hidden by your bra.
Hange's lips went to your chest almost instantly, peppering the area with brief kisses. Her hand slunk lower, cupping your crotch in her hand, causing you to hiss in a breath of air.
Her lips detach from your chest with a pop, smirking at you before moving up to gaze at your face—flushed and slight sweating from arousal.
She swooped in to kiss you, lips connecting with yours and moving against each other passionately. Slowly, but deliberately, her hand moved up and down, grinding against your clit through your clothing, making you squirm with impatience.
You whimpered quietly, the sound being muffled by Hange's mouth against yours. The two of you separated for a very brief moment, breathing heavily as saliva connected your lips, before you dove right back in, kissing more fervently than before.
Finally, you two pulled away, catching your breaths amongst the grips of passion. Panting, you put your forehead to theirs, smiling against her.
"I love you Hange." You exhaled, your warm breath teasing Hange's wet and parted lips.
"I love you too." She panted, emphasizing her point by grinding her hand against you a bit more forcefully this time, the pleasure causing you to moan quietly, spurring Hange on. "So hurry up and take your pants off."
You obey immediately, almost as if your body was moving on its own, unzipping your pants, preparing to slide out of them until a subtle noise behind you caught your attention. You turned your head in confusion, and your eyes widened at the sight of captain Levi, clearly unamused, in the doorway.
"L-Levi... Hi!" You sputter, fumbling desperately with the zipper of your pants in a desperate attempt to play off the situation. But it was too late, the damage had already been done.
Levi stared for a moment, his usual dead, unamused face ever so prominent. Finally, after a silence that felt like eternity, he sighed, stepping towards the desk.
He plopped down a stack on papers on Hange's desk, causing a few loose papers to blow from her desktop and onto the floor.
"You're on duty, Hange. You too, Y/n." He deadpans. "Now is not the time nor the place to be doing... this."
You look to the side out of embarrassment, pulling your shirt back down as you refused to meet his eye.
"Hange, Erwin needs these filled out by next week. Stop fooling around with Y/n and get it done."
"I-I apologize Levi, I'll get it done as soon as possible." Hange cleared her throat, trying her best not to sound affected, but her wavering voice betrayed her, clearly slightly embarrassed.
He scoffed as he turned his back, walking out as if this were a normal occurrence. "Yeah, yeah. I don't really care anyway, just make sure this gets done. And don't make a mess, either." He says, eyeing the clear disarray of the room.
He turns to leave, but stops in the frame of the door, turning to give Hange a side-eyed glance. "But, you know, for everyone in the Survey Corps, you chose a pretty good woman." He states, shutting the door immediately after his statement, preferring not to witness the calamity.
Hange breaks out into a fit of giggles while your entire face heats up into a red blush of embarrassment.
"Of all that," Hange sputters in between giggles. "Of all that, he chooses to focus on 'my choice of women'?!"
Meanwhile, you bury your face in your hands, wishing you could just sink into the floor and never be seen again. "I thought I locked the door..."
"I guess not, darling." They tease, planting a purposefully short kiss to the edge of your jawline. This time, you're more firm in your stance, taking a hand and putting it on her forehead, gently pushing them away from your neck.
"Nuh-uh! Not this time, Levi said you have work to do." You manage to regain your confidence enough to push Hange away.
"Ughhhh, fine." They groan dramatically, gently pushing you off their lap as they scoot their chair to their desk.
"You act as if it's your life support. You can go an hour without sex, Hange."
"Impossible." Hange retorts back immediately, a joking tone to her voice.
"Right," You sigh, stretching your arms above your head, "Anyway, I'm gonna take a nap on the couch." You plop down on the cushiony fabric, making yourself comfortable before pulling a blanket up to your shoulders.
"Okay," Hange's voice echoes from across the room. "Just don't be upset if I wake you up later."
You scoff quietly at the remark, rolling onto your side and closing your tired eyes. "You dork. I'm going to sleep. Love you."
"Love you, too." They reply immediately, ignoring the papers on her desk, staring at you instead.
You'd already fallen asleep—your exhaustion from the day catching up to you—and Hange took the moment to admire your beauty as you slept peacefully.
"I'll be waiting right here when you wake up, okay?"
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This also isn't proofread, I have an appointment early tomorrow morning and I don't wanna fall asleep halfway through :'D
Hope you enjoyed anyway!
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bokutoslittlebird · 3 years
Text
His Turn
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Atsumu x reader x Bokuto
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Author’s Note : smutty little drabble. Mostly Bokuto fucking the reader while Atsumu enjoys the show ; IM SORRY IM VV BIASED ; “Surprise shawty!” is what inspired this. You’ll understand.
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Warnings: threesome, communication is not established beforehand, dash of dubcon (maybe? I don’t know), high school sweethearts Atsumu and reader-chan, size kink, dirty talk, spitroasting, face fucking, blowjob, praise [from Bokuto], degradation [from Atsumu], use of “bunny”, creampie, no condoms sorry, Bokuto licks you one (1) time
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Sounds of sneakers squeaking on the gym floor is the first thing that welcomes you upon entering through the metal doors. The packaged lunch in your hand has Atsumu’s name on it, the poor guy forgetting it in his rush. The MSBY Black Jackals had a team meeting early that morning, only to then go into a practice match between them and the Schweiden Adlers. The ball slamming against the floor broke you from the awe upon entering, eyes focusing on the man who was currently cheering. If memory serves right, that would be Bokuto Kōtarō. A clap on the back from Atsumu and the affectionate name of ‘Bokkun’ tells you you’re correct. Finding them all busy, you go over to the coach and explain what you’re doing there.
Once approved to stay until lunch break, you seat yourself next to Atsumu’s and Bokuto’s towels and bottles, watching the match. You knew your boyfriend was an excellent setter, as well as a server, but watching him in action was new to you. Yet, you found your eyes constantly drawn to the boisterous boy on the court who seemingly infected everyone around him with energy. Watching him be excited made you excited, the obvious lingering gaze on him instead of Atsumu. Even so, the boys didn’t notice you. Too focused on the game, they are honed into the ball and where it’s going.
The whistle blowing has your own thoughts stopping, looking at the referee who tells them it’s time for a break. Everyone seems to relax more at that, moving towards the benches for their lunches and water. Atsumu finally notices you, a pep in his step as he bounces over. “Ya made it!”
“You act like you didn’t have faith in me. It’s just a small delivery,” you smile, holding out the bag of lunch. Atsumu thanks you, sitting on the floor between your legs. “I can get up, you know,”
“Nah, I’m fine down here. I like the view,” he winks, your foot nudging his thigh. Rolling your eyes, you turn to the rest of his team, confusion etched across their faces as they stare.
“‘Tsumu, I think your team doesn’t know who I am,”
“Oh, shit, of course,” his jumbled mess of words come out around a mouth full of his sandwich. After swallowing, he turns to his teammates and smiles, chest puffed proudly. “This is my wonderful, adorable, and lovely girlfriend, [Y/N],”
“You have a girlfriend?” Sakusa asks, disgust on his face. You giggle at that while Atsumu pouts.
“Wow, you’re really pretty!” Hinata’s compliment has your face heating up, waving your hand in front of your face as you turn to see Bokuto staring at you.
“You really are,” he agrees with Hinata, a bright smile blooming across his face. The genuine smile has your face on fire, not so used to so much attention. Atsumu seems to focus his attention on you, raising an eyebrow.
“I’ve never been the center of attention before,” your murmur is low, but Atsumu hears it over the conversation of everyone else. Bokuto seats himself next to you, your reaction is immediately to straighten your back and look at your hands. Every now and then, your eyes glance up to Atsumu and over to Bokuto before they go back down. It doesn’t take long for Atsumu to understand why you keep looking at Bokuto, a grin stretching across his face that he hides by taking a sip of water.
When the coach calls for practice to start back up, you take it upon yourself to leave. You don’t want to interfere with their playing and you find yourself liking the energetic player with the number 12 a little bit more than you want to. Atsumu gives you a peck on the cheek goodbye, telling you he’ll be home for dinner before jogging back to his position on the court. You wave goodbye to everyone, getting an energetic wave from Bokuto that has your chest fluttering.
You just hope Atsumu didn’t notice.
You love Atsumu, you really do. He’s your high school sweetheart and you’ve been through thick and thin together. Bokuto is very attractive, you can admit that to yourself, but he’s not Atsumu. You don’t actually know him like you know Atsumu and he doesn’t actually know you. Still, his genuine smile and that simple sentence— your chest warms at the memory.
That evening goes as every evening does. Before dinner finishes up, Atsumu comes through the door and gives you a nice, big, sweaty hug. It’s kind of gross, but you still love him anyways. You tell at him to wash up and by the time he’s finished, dinner is ready to serve and plated. After dinner, you both watch some TV. By the time the clock is striking 9:00 pm, you’re tired and so Atsumu, but he seems excited.
That’s new.
It isn’t until you get into the bedroom do you understand why he’s excited. He tells you to strip down to your underwear and then leaves. The creaking of the door opening confuses you, but then Atsumu is back.. with Bokuto. The man who seemed to work his way into your heart with a smile and a sentence is suddenly in your bedroom doorframe.
“Uh, ‘Tsumu? What’s— what’s going on?” you chuckle, eyes flitting from your boyfriend and Bokuto, who seems excited at the sight. You have a feeling he’d have jumped you if Atsumu wasn’t in front of him.
“It was a surprise. You seem to like him after meeting him,” he continues before you can stop him, “so, here he is! He’s full of energy, plus I’ve always wondered what it looked like to see you get fucked looked like,”
“Atsumu! That’s crude!” But you’re smiling. Atsumu then gestures from Bokuto to you.
“Please, enjoy your stay,” he grins. Bokuto nods, moving into the room. His joggers don’t hide the erection beneath them, the mere size of it has you clenching around nothing. A smirk paints across your lips as you look to Atsumu, who’s settling himself against the closed door.
“Shall I assume I’m in the classic position?”
“Please,” he smirks back, watching as you move from your sitting position to have your hands and knees on the bed. The shuffling of clothing behind you suddenly stops, so you turn your head and wiggle your butt to entice Bokuto.
“C’mon, big boy. Show me what you got,” you grin, watching his face bloom a sweet shade of pink as he gets on the bed. But he doesn’t touch you quite yet.
“Are you sure I’m allowed?”
“I could show you, if you prefer it that way,” Atsumu’s offer is almost immediately declined. Bokuto’s rapid shake of the head has Atsumu relaxing against the wall, an evident erection in his pants. “Then go on. Show me how well you can fuck my girlfriend, Bokkun,”
It’s the last thing Bokuto needs.
Large hands practically shred your panties, ripping them down to your knees that are firmly planted against the bed. A murmur of “sweet pussy,” comes from behind you, followed by Bokuto’s tongue flicking against your folds. Even his tongue is thick and wide, delving between the skin and swiping at the bit of juices leaking from your cunt. The obscene sounds of slurping comes from behind you, hands grasping at the sheets as your eyes roll. The feeling is more intense than when Atsumu does it, the ministrations having a bit of hurried fervor to them, licking and slurping as if it’s his last meal on earth. Moans spill from your lips, mouth continuously open as they do.
The common feeling of an orgasm rises in your gut, the knot twisting as your toes curl. Light headedness follows, a strained mewl as your body twitches coming soon after and Bokuto groans, the vibrations causing more slick to slip out. When he removes his face from between your legs, you can barely lift your head up. “How does she taste?”
“Absolutely delicious. As sweet as I thought she would,” Bokuto coos, pressing kisses against your skin, trailing them up your back until his lips run against your throat, stopping at your cheek. His tongue flicks out against the sweaty skin, leaving a sticky trail of his saliva. “You’re just so beautiful,”
With his head next to yours, his arms caging you in, it suddenly hits hot big he is compared to you. The simple act of him over you making you feel so small that has you practically creaming. Bokuto’s cock brushes against your folds, the tip rubbing in the slick as coating it. “She’s a beautiful slut, aren’t you?” Atsumu says, voice low and tinged with lust. Instead of a proper response, you whine at the feeling of Bokuto rubbing his cock past your folds, teasing the entrance. Feeling his cock just brushing against you, your folds parting to encompass him has you whining at the anticipation. You know he’s bigger than Atsumu, thicker at least.
You’re right.
The scream that comes from your throat once Bokuto plunges into your tiny cunt has his groaning, eyes rolling as he’s only 1/3 of the way in you. Squeezing him so tightly, you’re practically gushing around his girth. But Bokuto doesn’t move, gentle shushes as he runs his large hand up and down your sides, occasionally dipping over your ass and down your thighs.
“It’s okay, pretty girl. I got you, I got you,” he coos, lips brushing against your spine as you grit your teeth and attempt to move back. Large hands grip your sides, growling. “Don’t hurt yourself,”
“More! I wan’ more, Bokkun,” your whines have him pushing in, listening to your request. No more screams, but you do happen to mewl, mixed with whimpers as he continues to split you open farther than Atsumu ever has. It’s a horrible thing, wishing Bokuto could fuck you everyday with the way he stretches you out. He’s so big, body completely encompassing yours as his weight keeps you pinned down with your ass in the air.
“God, you’re so beautiful. Can’t believe I get to wreck this pussy, all while your boyfriend watches from the sidelines,” Bokuto grunts, hips slapping against your ass as he starts a rhythm. Eyes rolling once more, you moan as you grin, lost in pleasure. The feeling is just so good, your walls fluttering around him as drool drips from your lips, muffled mewl that goes into the sheets as a second orgasm comes on, the feeling of bliss and euphoria filling your body as the liquid drips down Bokuto’s cock. Curling and sticking to his hair, it has strands of the slick connecting his hips to your ass as he fails into you.
So lost in the pleasure of Bokuto’s cock in you, you don’t even notice Atsumu has moved from his original position against the door. Suddenly, his hard cock is thrusted in front of your face as he pulls on your hair, dark eyes lidded as they look down at you. “You’re having too much fun, slut. Now open your fucking mouth,”
“Don’t be so mean, Tsum-Tsum. A cute little bunny like her needs praise, don’t you, pretty girl?” When Bokuto calls you ‘bunny’ and ‘pretty girl’, you find yourself clenching around him, moaning in agreement. “She likes that,”
“Slutty little bunnies just like being fucked, that’s all she is,” Atsumu grunts, hand tugging on your hair to keep your mouth on his cock. “Fuck, both your holes are good,” his moans come out more as you focus on utilizing your tongue, pressing it against the underside and flicking it against the slit. He keeps his hand in your hair, but he doesn’t tug hard as Bokuto’s pace picks up, your body bouncing with each thrust.
“Fuck, you’re so good. So fucking good,” Bokuto’s voice gets higher with each smack of his hips against you. His heavy balls are dripping with your cum, slick and smacking against your clit as the burning sensation of overstimulation set in. Your walls burn, the stretch becoming uncomfortable as Bokuto’s cock rubs against them. Atsumu’s cock goes farther in your mouth each time Bokuto thrusts up into you, cock bumping against the roof of your mouth. It isn’t until Bokuto lets out a whine of his own, burying himself to the hilt as his strong arms press you close to him. Atsumu pulls you all the way down on his cock, head thrown back as he groans, his hot load shooting down your throat. The feeling of Bokuto’s cum filling you up has your eyes widening, but you suck him dry. Feeling his cock rub against your walls and his balls tending against your clit as he finishes has your walls squeezing him tightly, like a vice.
Eventually, both of them finish shooting their loads into your holes. Bokuto’s arms release you as Atsumu’s hand lets your hair go. Your body falls against the bed, laying on your side as your legs spread. Bokuto’s cum spurts out of your cunt, oozing down your thigh and over your ass. In the afterglow of everything, the only sound filling the room now is heavy breathing.
Bokuto breaks the silence first, his cock still hard and covered in cum. “Can I go again?” He whines. You smile at him before looking to Atsumu, who runs a hand through his hair.
“Have at it, big boy. It’s your turn, after all,”
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levis-pink-tea · 3 years
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Traitor
chapter two
summery: it has been a little over 5 years since you left Marley and since wall maria fell. now as your friends fight for their lifes in Trost your doing all you can to get back and help save them. 
It's been two years since your friends started as cadets. Today was supposed to be an amazing day for them. The 104th cadets had just graduated. You were able to watch all of them come so far since they began training.  Each One of them was strong and had the ability to be in any regiment. You were surprised when most of them had told you they wanted to join the Military police. You knew even if Eren was the top of his class he'd join you. He had a goal and he needed to be a scout to succeed. When you had overheard that Annie wanted to join the MP you feared for your new found home. The armor and colossal may be strong but the female titan is equally as strong especially when it comes to speed. You could remember the training back in Marley and how Annie could always outrun you so you trained and trained to get faster until one day you finally did pass her.
 Yet in her eyes you never stopped running. You kept going all the way to the enemy. The truth was when it came to you Annie she wasn't cold or distant. She was kinder to you and more open. You were like her sister. She didn't get why you left her there or why you just kept running from her.
It had been so long since you thought about that training so why were you thinking of it now of all times? You were putting your saddle on your horse so you could leave on a reconnaissance mission. “Y/n are you okay your crying?” Petra said as she walked over to you to hand your reins. You didn't know when you started crying or why. You dried your tears and took the reins from Petra ``yeah i’m okay I just thought of a friend who I haven't talked to for a while” you said sipping the leather on to your horse. She rubbed your back a little and asked if you wanted to talk about it “im okay Petra don't worry. I just think my friend is pretty mad at me.”  you walked alongside her leading your horses out of the stables and to the captain and the commander. As Erwin gave you all your orders you couldn't help but wonder if Annie really did hate you for leaving. Deep down you hoped she didn't or that at least one day she'd understand why you left.
As the scouts rode down to the gates you were riding between Hange and Levi. Scanning the crowds of people you searched for your friends and smiled when your eyes were met with Armin’s blue ones. You waved to them and promised to yourself that when you got home you'd congratulate all of them for graduating last night.
Levi had grumbled something about what someone from the crowd said. You didn't pay any mind to the dark haired man's grumbling until Hange told Levi to lighten up. “Oh Hange, leave the captain be you know no matter what his fans love that scary scowl he's too pretty to be scary to them” you said with a giggle. You weren't wrong anytime you were with Levi and someone said something about him; it always seemed to be comments about how strong he is or how handsome he is.  
Levi glared at you for your comment “can you two not act like the same person we only need one abnormal not two Y/n” he said as he turned away from you two.
 “Did he just call you a abnormal?” you asked Hange
 “yes yes he did”
“Rude”
Your mission wasn't going perfect or anything but it wasn't going horrible either. As expected many soldiers fell. You were in Hange’s section, always there to assist her or any comrades. You could fly around like Levi and take titans down like him too. Hange always thought you were like Levi in many ways not just because of your strength but because you felt strongly about all the  fallen soldiers you knew much like her did. But you were quick witted and smark like Erwin and in many ways you were like her as well. As you flew around a corner taking down a titan you told the two soldiers behind you to take down the ones behind the one you were going for. It was at times like this that Hange saw all of them in you and how they helped shape you into who you are. You were truly strong and one day she could see you being a commander like Erwin.
You thought you'd be out on this mission much longer but Erwin rode up to where you were and said you were pulling out and going back to the walls. “Titans are attacking the wall just like they did five years ago” Erwin said as you got on to your horse and went to Levi to get him and his squad as well.
As you rode back to the wall you began to feel sick. You were worried for your friends and god were you mad at the ones you used to call friends. You didn't understand how they could do this. They made friends here and made friends with the other scouts who they now were killing. You knew that this had to be their doing there was no other way trost could fall.
“y/n '' Erwin said as he let his horse slow down slightly to ride next to you. “Everything will be alright.” you didn't think you could see the panic on your face but then again Erwin knew you best. Maybe he just knew you were thinking about your friends. 
“I'm just concerned Commander,” you said, looking ahead of you. Trost was still quite far away. “I know  they're strong but I cherish them.” ''You're scared. You're acting just like you did during your first mission, ``Erwin said looking ahead of him. He started to remember that first mission. You were scared as could be and on the way back you rode on the back of Erwins horse. You could remember crying and hiding your face in his back so none of the others could hear your sobbing. Only you knew why you were truly crying. Your home did this to all those people. All those titans you had watched eat people and kill those soldiers were people once too. 
That night you spent in Hange’s room as she tried to help calm you. You cried to her about how you wished you could have saved them. Your comrades and anyone that have died because of the titans. 
 “Do I look that sacred?” you asked. The commander nodded as you took a deep breath. ‘They'll be alright’ you thought to yourself and loosened your grip on your reins not realizing how tight you were holding them until then. 
“Your friends are strong. I'm sure they'll be okay. I hear a few of them want to join us” Erwin’s horse began to pick up pace and so did yours. You could almost always be found riding back by Erwin or Petra. Petra had become like your sister and you held her dearly so riding back with her was comforting. It was the same when it came to Erwin as well. He was like a father to you.   You nodded and told him about how it's always been Eren’s goal to be a scout, how Mikasa was fast and strong like Levi and how Armin is a lot like him.  The two of you spoke in a hush tone for most of the ride back.
As you all approached the walls you did all you could to calm yourself. The hole that you saw was definitely done by the colossal you didn't understand Bertholdt but right now understanding him was your last priority. Right now all that mattered was saving the people. You'd have to try and understand them later. 
“Prepare yourself soldiers!” Erwin shouted. You heard Levi approach you. “Y/n follow me” he said, shooting himself over the wall. You followed right after standing on the back of your horse and shooting yourself over while the others went to another entrance to Wall Rose in order to join the rest of the garison and help save everyone. 
When you came over the wall out of the corner of your eye you saw the three you grew up with ripping something off of someone you had assumed that maybe their gear was damaged and they were taking a lost comrades to help them survive. That when you heard it. You heard yelling and watched as the three of them ran away from a now defenseless person. You debated going to the person but saw a titan coming near. You knew you couldn't save them no matter how badly you wanted to.
You landed on top of the boulder that was now placed in the wall to close the large hole. Levi took down two titans as you noticed your friends. sliding down the boulder yelling for them “Mikasa! Armin!” landing safely on your feet you ran to them“where's Eren?”  Armin lifted the boy a little to show you they had him. your eyes widened as you looked behind you then back at Armins arms. ‘You’ve got to be fucking kidding’ you thought. Grisha was a disgusting man. He did this to his son and you were just now realizing it. The mission that the three Marleyan’s were sent on was a mission to get Eren. “fuck” you mumbled quietly as Levi landed on top of a dead titan and told them to explain what hes looking at. 
 This couldn't be happening. Eren, one of your best friends, had been forced to be a titan shifter by his dad. What kind of man would do that to his son? When Eren was taken somewhere by the military police you decided to look for your other friends. When you found them all you were relieved that they were okay. You thought all of them were at least. You scanned the group again realizing someone was missing. You found all of them except Marco. Your heart sank. Maybe he was just injured or not nearby. You hoped and prayed the soldier you didn't go to try and save wasn't Marco. Yet after all the remaining titans in Trost were killed your heart broke as you found out it was Marco that they killed.
You didn't want to be the ones to find Marcos' body. But here you were standing next to Jean as he began to shake. You could barely understand jeans mumbling. “Jean, breathe please” you said, feeling a tear slip down your cheek. You looked over to the lady who was now asking for his name. Once Jean had told her and she walked away you wrapped your arms around Jean hugging him tightly. He didn't say anything and neither did you. He  wrapped his arms around your waist hugging you tightly. Marco was one of his best friends and he is gone now.
You decided to leave Jean with Connie and went looking for the three people you used to be so close with. You saw Annie staring at the ground and you tighten your hand into a fist and approached her as Reiner and Bertholdt walked over to her not knowing you were right there. “Leonhart!!” you shouted approaching the blonde. When her eyes met yours she was met with a look that was filled with anger. “You fucking bitch!” you shouted as you took a swing at her.
The hit never landed as Reiner caught your fist before you could hit Annie. “All three of you are horrible fucking people!” you shouted as you pulled your fist away from Reiner. “Y/n what are you talking about?” he asked as trying to approach you but you wouldn't let him get too close. You pulled away when he reached for you.
“How dare you! You killed Marco and god knows how many soldiers! You have no right to stand there and wear those jackets! Do you know how many people's blood is on all three of your hands? To many to fucking count!” luckily for them no one was around to hear your shouting. Reiner reached for you again trying to get you to stop yelling. You slapped his hand away “dont fucking touch me Reiner none of you fucking touch me” you looked over to Behrtolt “ and you how dare you break those walls! What the hell is wrong with you!!”
You of all people knew this was part of their mission. You should have been in Annie's shoes originally. You were supposed to be the female titan who was trying to go after Eren. Not her. Annie knew you knew she just didn't get why you were so upset. “Will you stop yelling y/n '' she said walking towards you.
You took a step back “I said dont touch me Annie.” you spat at her. Reiner grabbed one of your small hands with his  large one. “You know this is part of our mission Y/n'' Reiner knew he'd never be seen the same way by you now.  He was just trying to grab you to hug you. They killed Marco and it hurt him. He was friends with Marco and he helped kill him. It hurt. You could tell he regretted it but didn't care. 
“Don't you dare say my name you traitor” you said before looking at the other two marleyans “you are all murderers. I hope you know you killed an innocent boy and ruined the lives of hundreds of families even if you did take down any titans you're still murders” you said as you walked away in tears. You heard Reiner screaming your name and trying to follow you “stop following me Reiner or so help me god”
He grabbed your arm to stop you from walking away “no you disappeared for 2 years and those are the first words you say to all of us? It's been 5 damn years. Your marleyan to you know we had to. You killed titans y/n doesn't that make you just as bad as us?” 
“I may be marelyan but I'm nothing like you. You're the one who wouldn't go with me, you're the one who broke wall rose and my heart. You and those other two are the reason most of what they know as humanity is dead. You're the reason my friend is dead right now. I don't want to talk to you ever again. Leave me alone Reiner” you tried to yank your arm away but his grip was too strong.  “No i won't just leave you alone dammit come back home with us” you tried again to pull away from him “i'm never going back” you said as you slapped him. The red hand print forming on Reiner's face started to sting.
“Let her go Reiner , she doesn't want to talk to you so get your hands off her” Jean said as he and Connie began to walk over to you four. You hoped they hadn't heard too much of what you said. You may hate those three but  you feared Jean would hate you too if he knew. He smirked under the bandana wrapped around his face as he noticed the red hand print on reiners face.
Connie chuckled a little “damn she must have hit you hard” he said removing one of his long gloves and drying off your cheeks. You started crying again at some point. “Come on jean lets go” he said as he started to walk away with you. Jean shot Reiner a death stare for a moment before following after you two. 
“You okay y/n?” Jean asked as he wrapped an arm around you.  You nodded softly as the three of you walked somewhere you could sit and drink water. While the three of you sat you rested your head on Connie's shoulder as he ran his hand through your hair. It made you smile that those two were so kind to you and that they would do whatever they could to comfort you. 
That night you ate dinner with the now graduated cadets. You made sure to congratulate all of them. You gave Armin a little longer of a hug then everyone else. He was still so shaken up and he was worried about Eren. He had been taken into custody almost immediately.  Mikasa was shaken up but not like Armin was. When you congratulated Jean and Connie you gave them both a little kiss on the cheek as a thank you. You didn't notice the light blush on their cheeks. 
The following day the commander knocked on your door wanting to speak with you. When you heard the knock and opened the door you were a little concerned to why Erwin was there and so was levi. “Hi Erwin hi Levi” you said, setting down the book you were reading and letting them in.
They both sat at a little table in your room while you sat on your bed. “y/n we need to ask you some questions about doctor Yeager '' Erwin said  looking at you he seemed more serious than any other time the two of you talked. They spent quite a while speaking to you about Grisha and what you knew about the family. You didn't know much about him or what he did but you knew he had secrets and that not even Eren knew those secrets no one did other than Grisha. 
It was a few days later when you saw Erwin and Levi again they were walking past your room. You followed after them “Commander Erwin can I go with you and captain Levi to speak with Eren today” you asked approaching the two men.
The commander looked at you. When your eyes meet his blue ones you are met with a look that asks you for forgiveness. “I’m sorry y/n but I can’t allow that. Only Captain Levi and I can go'' you frowned softly as he spoke. You just want to ensure he was okay but you understood that because of what happened you can’t accompany them. 
“Is it alright if I go check on my other friends then?” You looked the shorter of the two and smiled softly as he nodded a quick yes. “Thanks guys let me know if erens okay please?”  Erwin smiled softly at you and nodded. He had seen you go through quite a bit so seeing you smile always made him feel a little happier. You had grown so much since they had saved you. All of them notice your growth. 
You couldn't find Hange that day either so you decided to spend the day with your friends from the 104th. Well at least the ones you could find Armin and Mikasa were nowhere to be found either.
You found the group after about 20 minutes of search and walked over to them “hey guys” you said sitting next to Sasha. “I brought a snack to share but don't tell captain Levi '' you took the treat out of your pocket and split it between you,Sasha, Jean, Connie, Christa and Ymir.
The group of cadets kept you distracted for most the day at least until you found out Eren's trial was today. That's why the commander wouldn't let you go see him. Even if he could let you, he was in the hands of the military police, not the scouts. You were glad to hear that Eren got placed in the custody of the scouts. Petra was the one who told you Eren got placed in their custody.
You spent days thinking about the memory you had about Annie. You had finally remembered why you started to cry that day. The day you finally started to beat Annie when you were training as kids was the day you two started to lose your connection. You kept beating her and the more you did the bigger the wall between the two of you got. 
“Annie come on race me please” you begged the blonde as you tried to get her to run with you instead of training with Bertholdt. “Fine but if i beat you i get the treat your mom packed you” she said. The two of you took off after that and before Bertholdt knew it you made it back before Annie.
That was so long ago now you were 10 when that happened and never thought it would have ruined your friendship. While you loved your friendship with her you were okay with it being gone now. Now you had Christa and Sasha to be your new friends so maybe things aren't all that bad.
It wasn long after that when you were able to see Eren again. Eren and Hange got to where the two titans known as Sawney and Bean where spouse to be being held but once they arrived both titans had been killed. You saw Eren with his hood up and waved to him a little. He didn't seem to be mad or anything, just confused. You were just glad to see he was safe.
You waited for your friends while they got their ODM gear checked to see who killed Sawney and Bean. so much was happening for them today. Not only did their ODM gear have to be checked today and they had to choose a regiment. Once all their gear was checked you walked with them to their headquarters and said goodbye for the day. You'd see them that night. They all seemed so distant and hurt but you knew these past few days were so hard. 
That night as Erwin stepped on to the stage to speak to the cadets you stood right beside him. Erwin was always so good with speeches and you knew even this speech despite what had happened a week ago he'd be able to pull some people to join the scouts. You just didn't expect him to bring up going on a mission to Eren's childhood home. You held up a map as Erwin spoke about one of your next missions. 
When Erwin said that anyone who wished to join other regiments may leave, you were surprised to see all of your friends standing in front of all of you. Jean didn't tell you he was going to join the scouts no one did. You knew Connie was going to. You were the first person he told before you went on your mission. Everyone who was in the top had wanted to join the MP that's what they told you yet here they were. “Well commander these numbers are much better than we thought aren't they?” you said before saluting with him. “Yes, these are much better numbers than expected.”
You weren't happy they all joined you knew what being a scout meant. Anytime you left the walls there was no promise you'd come back alive. You knew though that they'd do everything in their power to come back alive and so would you.  A few days later as you  watched your friends put on the scout uniforms brought you many feelings, dread, hope, fear, comfort and hope. You knew that they could save humanity and change the world. 
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Wilfords Demands: Separated
Summary- 5.6k Curtis x You. Curtis lost the tournament and has been cast back to his original home, the tail end. You are now contained in Wilfords precious engine to see the crazy ramblings of Snowpiercers Leader. You also must find out Curtis’s fate and you believe you can find him, if you can just get beyond that door Wilford likes to disappear into. Dividers made by @firefly-graphics​
Warnings- Stressful situations, spitting, hitting, demeaning talk, threats, language. You also find out what happened with Curtis’s other children, its dark and upsetting. Proceed reading with caution. Thats as descriptive as Im going to get in that warning. 
Chapter 6 / Wilfords Demands Masterlist 
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As you were dragged away, you could hear the cheers echoing off the steel walls. You could feel the overwhelming sensation of panic settling in your chest. It was all consuming as you started struggling against the man dragging you behind Claude, trying to pummel your fists against his padded chest and scratch at him. 
“Let me go! CURTIS!” you screamed, resorting to trying to bite at his hand wrapped around your upper arm. Claude scoffed seeing you give the guard a hard time and snapped over quickly, open palmed, she slapped your face to stun you. 
You panic turned to white hot rage at the woman, turning on her but the man tightened his grip, stopping all your movements. 
“For once in your miserable fucking life, will you stop it?! Jesus Christ you are not worth the effort Wilford puts in you. You don't even make a good whore.” She spit in your face before turning back to open the door to Wilford’s chambers once more, jerking her head to direct the guard to bring you in. “He will be back soon, make sure she doesn’t do something stupid can you? Just don't hurt her, Wilford will have both our heads if anything happens to the precious prize.” 
She sneered out the last words at you, You spat at her with a smug smile when it landed on her face. She screamed in disgust and wiped at her face with her sleeve. “Tail Ender Pig, you are all so disgusting.” continuing to mutter as she left the room, the guard released you, standing at the door and his eyes followed you as you were sure to put distance between the two of you. 
Wilford’s area was the same as before. More luxurious than the others, you went towards the engine, the furthest you could get from the guard when he barked out. “That's far enough.” 
Flipping him the bird, you moved to sit in a nearby chair, rubbing at your belly protectively. 
Right now the anger was the only thing controlling your fear. You had no idea what was going to happen to Jace, was Curtis even still alive. You couldn’t think like that, because you would lose it if Curtis was dead. 
He promised you that he would find a way, swore to you. 
But promises made were not always kept. You swiped at your face furiously to hide the tears, thinking about Curtis would have to come later, when it actually could sink in. For now Curtis was still alive, he would come for Jace, that was all that mattered. 
Time seemed to stretch, tension building when you heard the door shift open. The guard stepped aside and Wilford walked in, followed by Grey who was bloody, limping and spotting several cuts and bruises. 
I hope you feel every single one Curtis gave you, you hissed in your mind looking at him before turning away. 
“Well look at you sweetheart, told you we would be getting to know each other better.” His hand came to stroke your cheek and you jerked away, making him laugh. “Soon enough you will learn not to pull away.” Grey said while Wilford handed him some towels to clean himself up. 
“As promised, she is your prize. You just have to wait till after the birth.” 
You shifted in your seat, your hand still protective over your stomach to face Wilford, ignoring Grey for now. “Where is Curtis?” 
“Well she isn't going to be much longer till she spits out that spawn for you. I don't mind waiting.” Grey spoke over you, ignoring your question. 
“Weeks Grey, not long at all.” Wilford flipped to a calendar, and to your disgust you saw where he had appointments set up with the doctor. Your name, some others, you shuddered at it. 
“Is Curtis still alive?” You started again, but both men ignored you once again when you finally gave a scream, willing them to at least acknowledge you. 
Wilford blinked at you calmly while Grey scowled at you. “Curtis really didn't teach you any manners did he? Know what we are doing first.” 
You hitched your chin, refusing to back away from him in fear. 
“Curtis is no longer your concern Y/N.” Wilford started. “You won't be seeing him again.” 
Your eyes welled up at these words and your face pinched trying to process these. You can't break down right now. Jace needs you to keep it together. 
“Fine, but this child is my concern. I need to know what his future is going to be.” 
Wilford broke in a grin at this one, rubbing his hands together. “Of course, you spent all this effort supplying me with Curtis’s child. I have high hopes for this one.” 
Fuck you were going to be sick, listening to him. “I want to raise him, he is mine as you said.” 
Grey cocked a brow, his arms folding over his chest with a laugh, Wilford joining him. “Ah- no. This child is mine. I already have a name. Trust me, that whole Jace Tyler was cute and all, I heard all about why you wanted that name but no. Joseph Wilford the second will become my successor. Hopefully. Curtis was always my favorite.” 
You spared a look at Grey who’s features clouded slightly but then went back to victorious. “Well Curtis is washed out, past his prime now.” He pointed out and Wilford shrugged a bit. 
“Happens to all of us. Why I needed Y/N to get pregnant rather quickly, before the tournament. I'm still taking a risk, but such a pretty thing who's a survivor from the tail end. I like Joseph’s chances. So for now Dear, your stuff is being removed from Curtis’s quarters, being moved into Grey’s. For now though you will be staying with me. Grey, how about you go get cleaned up, celebrate your victory.” 
Grey gave one final swipe of his towel, smirking. “I think I will just do that.” Cold eyes swept over you, possessive now. “I will see you real soon.” Sure to run his fingers over you again and grasp your chin tightly when you tried to pull away, his touch hurt, bit into you as he dug fingernails into your skin to mark you. “Keep up that act, I like breaking women in.” 
Letting you go with a cruel laugh, he left the engine. Wilford seemed oblivious to your distress. “Come Dear, let me show you your cot. You need to rest. Most certainly, can't have you stressing the baby.” He tugged you to a stand, leading you to a corner near the engine humming and pushed you to sit. “See this is pretty good.” 
You couldn't help it anymore, everything you had hoped for had shattered in moments. You curled as much as you could away from Wilford rubbing your back and sobbed into your arm, mourning Jace’s father. 
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Curtis first noticed the pain. It riddled him hotly with every sway of the train's movements. His fingers curled against rough fabric underneath him. When he tried to move pain seared through him everywhere making him grit his teeth and sink back into the hardness beneath him. “Don’t try to move mister, Mama said you needed to stay still.” came a young boy's voice near his ear and Curtis strained his neck to look next to him, nothing but shadows and more darkness filling his vision but then movement caught his attention. 
A boy, young by the looks of him but it was hard to tell without proper lighting. Big eyes stared at him though as the boy crawled closer to him. “Where am I kid?” Curtis grunted out as the boy lifted a gelatin block to his mouth and took a bite. 
“This the back of the train Mister.” He shoved the block at Curtis, setting it on his chest. “I will go get my Mama. You can have some if you're hungry.” The boy smiled and crawled away, dropping away from sight and scurrying off. Curtis curiously picked up the block and sniffed at it, wrinkling his nose at the smell and set it off to the side. With a groan he tried to sit up again, but gasped again in pain. “Fuck!” 
“Fuck is right.” A woman came into view, carrying a lantern with her to light up her way and sat at the edge of the bed. The little boy crawled in on the other side and grabbed at the gelatin block to bite into again, squeezing it a bit in his small hands, humming happily at his food. 
“Mama, I thought you said that's a bad word.” 
“It is Timmy, but he's allowed to say it. Go on now, shoo. Let me talk to this man.” she waved her hands at him and yet again the little boy, giggling this time climbed upwards into what looked like more bedding above Curtis. 
She watched him with a soft smile till the boy was gone, then turned her attention back to Curtis. “That's my baby Timmy and my name is Tonya.” 
Curtis frowned a bit at the name, then it clicked. “I remember you…” he grunted and Tonya smiled with a nod. 
“I remember you to, but back then you were still a youngin’. Barely 17, still young and hot headed. If you are back here, I’m assuming you're still hot headed?” Tonya chuckled as Curtis tried once more to sit up, and she pushed against his chest to press him back down. “Whoever did this to you did a number on you. Mostly your ribs and possibly your shoulder. You are gonna have to just stay put for a while.” 
Curtis worked his shoulders and she was correct, the pain in his collarbone and down his back was enough to make him see sparks. “Yup, I have to agree. And not hot headed… There was a tournament and… Fuck.” This time he surged up to a sit with a yell, holding onto steel grating above him, gasping. “I have to get out of here right away. They took her and I promised to keep her safe, keep our son safe.” 
Tonya shook her head confused. “Who? What are you talking about? You should lay back down.” 
Curtis stubbornly swung his feet over the edge of the bunk and moved to sit on the edge, looking around. More and more of it was familiar. In the years he had been up front, none of it had changed. Except there was less crowding then before. 
“Y/N, she's up at the front and in serious trouble. Fuck.” He swore again and pushed to a stand, bracing his hand against the framework and tried to make sense of where the door was. Tonya was right next to him, following along. 
“Wait, Y/N? She's up there still alive?” 
“Yes.” Curtis weaved among other people and Tonya tried making him stop. “She was in my care, Wilford… “ He came to a stop at a steel door, looking it over to see any way to open it. “Wanted her to get pregnant with my child. Once he has what he wants, he is just gonna throw her to monsters.” he hissed while pressing his hands against the door. 
“You are not getting that door open Curtis.” Tonya wedged her way next to him and made him turn around, being as week as he was at the moment. “You are telling me shes pregnant? Our Y/N is pregnant?” Her eyes glowered at him and he squared his shoulders slightly. 
“Yes, due anytime now. I told you, she was brought to me for a reason. It wasnt what either of us wanted but…” He turned back to the door and up towards the ceiling, looking for cameras or anything to get someone's attention. “... It turned into something more. And I need to get to her now.” His gaze turned intense looking at Tonya. Her hands were at her hips accusing but then her gaze softened a bit and she sighed. 
“There is no way out Curtis, don't you think we have tried? Its a box, a prison. This is hell on earth and you are now stuck in it with us.” 
Curtis could feel his breath quickening and his heart racing. 
He had to get out of here, he had to get to you. 
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Time seemed to turn meaningless while you stayed with Wilford. He had the doctor monitor you daily, check constantly for the moments you went into labor. But you shut down, not talking or acknowledging the others around you unless you were forced into it. Wilford though didn't seem to notice. He talked all the time. Rambled joyfully about everything to do with the engine. Tinkering away at little things in it, tightening screws and bolts. Running inspections. “Dear this whole train keeps us alive. And it needs so much care and love.” He would sing softly as his hands stroked along the metal wall. “Just a gentle touch for our sweetheart here.” 
You would curl up your legs onto your cot, or try to, it was hard with your belly. He was fucking crazy the way he spoke to the engine. The constant hum of the engine and the spinning didn't help either, it made your head pound till you felt like you were also going to go a bit mad in the room with him. 
The nights though were the worst. The engine would seem louder without Wilford’s constant chatter. You would stretch on your cot across the room from Wilford, who slept in a large plush bed. It was hard, almost impossible to get comfortable and relax. It wasn't because the cot actually bothered you, you spent years either in a hard bunk or leaning against a wall in the tail end. 
Instead you were used to sleeping with Curtis. His body would be pressed in against yours, his arm wrapped around you to hold you close and your head would be cushioned on his chest or shoulder, or a hand draped over his stomach. He was warm and safe. That is what you missed. Your hands would rub your belly, sniffling to yourself. You refused to let yourself cry in front of Wilford. But in the night when your only company was the hum of the engine, you let yourself talk to Jace about Curtis. 
How much you missed his father, letting yourself mourn for him because it was the times you thought maybe he actually didn't make it. Those thoughts you cursed yourself, because he couldn’t be gone. He hadn't even gotten to meet his son. The nights were the hardest, the only time you didn't have to pretend to not exist and it would become overwhelming. When it became too much you would sing softly to your belly. 
Don't take my sunshine away. 
The only thing unusual about the engine was the door. Just a door near the spinning blue lights that made the engine come to life that you studied. It was better than going into a trance watching the blue orbs circle slowly. Wilford would once in a while disappear into the room and wouldn't come back out. Just a few times you leaned just right in your cot when he disappeared into the room, catching sight of computer monitors. That had to be how Wilford was watching all of you. 
That made you shiver, the idea Wilford watched you and Curtis doing everyday things. You didn't even want to think of what else he spied on. But more importantly if you could get in there, maybe you could find Curtis. Or see if he was still alive. 
One morning Wilford was cooking what you guessed was supposed to be breakfast. The smell of onions, potatoes and eggs was making your stomach roll viciously. Curtis had always made sure no eggs made it into the room. Wilford wasn't quite as considerate. You were just coming out of the bathroom, having rinsed your mouth out when the smell hit you all over again. Luckily nothing was left to come up. 
“Sweetheart, just think when I have Jr, I will have him ready to take over the engine.” Wilford said cheerfully, sliding eggs onto a plate with a sickening splatter. Your stomach did another roll, and you did your best not to gag. It didn't click with his Jr. spiel, since you never thought of your son as anything other than Jace Tyler. Wilford slid a plate on a small table near your cot for you. “Go ahead eat, I want Jr big and strong like his sire. Make his Poppa proud.” He turned away and you ignored the eggs, recalling his earlier statement. 
“Take over the engine?” 
Wilford made a show of cracking another egg into a bowl, holding up the shell. “Did you know these would be extinct if it wasn't for me? Something so simple… “ He studied it before tossing it into a nearby garbage bucket. “No more chickens. Or oranges like you have in that glass next to you. Fresh squeezed by the way. No more bread.” He picked up two slices of thick sliced bread. “Nor butter, because cows would be extinct.” He dropped them into a pan to crisp and sizzle. “Everything Y/N would be extinct, if it wasn't for our Snowpiercer.” he flipped his eggs and slid them onto his plate. 
You remained quiet, refusing the eggs, the toast and the juice he had set on the table, watching him. 
“But I won't last forever. I can fix this train, but there is no way to replace my body parts. So next best thing. Make the perfect replacement.” He went to his table and sat down. “Why I searched you out for Curtis. Women in the front, been ruined in less then twenty years we have been on this train.” He said disgusted as he started to eat, shoveling a forkful of eggs into his mouth and chewing. The yellow burst of yolk on his lip certainly made you gag this time, covering your mouth while trying to turn away. 
“No, I needed someone smart enough to survive but also untouched.” His grin turned cool as his eyes raked over you. “You survived the tail end, were strong enough to survive the lockbox as well as stunning, how you came out of there a virgin I don't know. But it worked out for me. Perfect for Curtis. All his other children before, just weren't perfect enough.” Another forkful of runny eggs and toast. You were struggling trying to wrap your mind around what Wilford was saying. 
“W-what happened to the others?” You asked shakily, scared of the answer. 
“Ahh, they didn't work out. We tried, sometimes the babies wouldn't shut up, other times they got to a certain age and would struggle with the motor skills. There were a few who got sickly.” Wilford shrugged as he sopped at his plate with his bread and popped that into his mouth. You though, your arms circled around yourself protectively as the horror of what he was saying made your heart race. 
“You just- got rid of them?” 
“Of course, I can't keep them if they can’t be useful. That's when it clicked. Curtis, he was fine. He's everything I wanted, big, strong, smart. Until you came along, he thought logically. It's a flaw, his falling for you, made him weak. But nothing I can't overlook I suppose. So many other perfect qualities in a leader. It was the woman.” He carried his plate to the sink and approached you. You shrunk back on your cot and he cupped your face in delicate warm hands, hands that never did hard work. “I needed a strong woman to match. All the front end bitches I paired with him threw off weaklings. You Sweetheart are going to give me the perfect prodigy. I considered switching Curtis for Grey for a while, but ahh he is too volatile to throw me a good son. No, it had to be Curtis and You.” He brushed your cheek gently and then grasped your hair to yank you forward towards the plate of food. “Now eat this gift I give you, because I need that baby to come out healthy.” 
Claude entered the room, clipboard in hand with a smile. “Sir if you're all set, we are ready for the inspection in the greenhouse.” 
“Oh yes Claude, be right there.” He beamed as he pointed at your tray of food with a snap of his fingers. “I want this gone.” Turning he made his way to Claude, the two of them chatting as they left the room, leaving you all alone. 
Your heart raced and breathing came out in a rush. With a swipe of your hand, you pushed the plate and glass off the table to shatter against the floor in a mess, screaming in a shrill burst. Overwhelmed with what he informed you, you couldn't hold it all back anymore, your scream just got shriller and tense to bounce all around you from the steel walls. Your voice ended up giving out with a croak and you dropped your heads into your hands sobbing at the fate of your son. 
You can't let this happen, just can't. This isn't what you or Curtis wanted for Jace. Your head lifted and eyes were wildly looking around the room, trying to figure something out. Attacking Wilford would do nothing. You could possibly hold him at knife point, but it would only be a matter of time before you were captured again, and it would just be worse for you and Jace if you had managed to kill Wilford. No, it needed to be more permanent. Something that would overthrow the whole train. 
Your eyes fell to the door, the door with all the monitors and control panels. You needed to be in that room and that's when a plan started to form. 
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Although Curtis couldn’t find a way out of the tail end didn’t mean he wasn’t busy. Curtis started to get to know more about the tailenders, those who were ready to fight for there freedom, those with special skills that could be used in a revolt, listen to the stories of the horrors they have had to do to survive. It became more then simply getting back to you, now it was about getting these people out of here as well. 
Curtis started timing the guards coming through, trying to figure out how to work the inspections and feeding times to his advantage. After all this time, they should be fairly slack, rituals loose purpose after a while. 
But he didnt see his opening. No matter how many times he timed the lengths the doors were open, how long they stayed, how hard the cart full of the blocks were to manuever. It was all so precise, the same everytime and there eyes were watchful, always willing to bash a tailender should they step out of line. 
There was just four counts when all the doors were open and Curtis could see down the length of the train. It just wasnt enough time to get through several train cars. Tonya was perched next to him, listening to him count under his breath. 
“Curtis, don’t. We’ve tried that. It just ends with them culling us.” She hurriedly whispered back to him. Once they left he turned to her. 
“Then what Tonya? Y/N might have had Jace and tossed to Grey. Who even knows what will happen to my son.” Some frustrated tears caught in his lashes and some managed to escape, making a track down his now sooty dirty face. He dropped his head into his hands and Tonya rubbed at his back, trying to be supportive even though she delivered the harsh reality. 
“I know Curtis…I’m sorry, I just don’t want you going on a suicide mission. Y/N needs you, so does that little boy you got coming.” 
Curtis took a ragged sigh and stared back up at the camera beeping above the door, flipping it off before pushing to a stand and disappearing out of sight to continue trying to figure out a way to get back to you. 
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You waited, you could be patient. You learned a while ago when you first joined Curtis to watch, it was also the harsh lesson he taught you in the beginning. It was how you got to know him as the man you cared for today. You were quick to learn that Wilford wasn't predictable. He would go into the room at random times. Sometimes for hours, sometimes for a few minutes. 
No matter how much you looked around the engine from your perch on your cot, you couldn't see where there were any cameras in the engine room. But you were still wary. Thinking maybe he was trying to catch you doing something, spring out of that room with a gotcha. 
But you were smarter. No, you were patient. Storing it all away. 
The worst was when Grey would come around. He seemed to turn into Wilford’s pet, always coming in to chat with him or ask favors. Oftentimes he would sit across the table, staring intently at you with a sneer. His eyes roaming you up and down like he had a right to take you whenever. These times you would hitch your chin up and stare back at him. Refusing to give him the satisfaction that he won. 
Maybe he did win your body. But you refused outright to give him any satisfaction in that. It didn't matter though, for Grey you were just a prize. You didn't matter to him except what you could give him. 
“She must be due soon, right?” Grey drawled out, moving to a stand and approaching you. In your bid to defy him, you didn't move an inch to draw away from him. His hand fisted in your hair, twisting viciously to have you look up at him. “Excited right? I'm sure it gets a bit boring just sitting here on your cot, waiting for time to pass with that little bastard inside of you.” 
You work your mouth to draw out some spit, hocking it at him as best you can at the unnatural angle. It earned you a loud smack, whipping your head to the side. Not a word dropped from you in pain as you glared up at him. Grey leaned in closer, his hand wiping at his face and wiping his hand clean in your hair he still had fisted in his other hand. 
“Nasty little thing arn’t you? Treat Curtis like this? Or did you just drool all over his cock every chance you get?” His fingers bit into your cheeks as he pressed harshly against the hinge of your jaw, wrenching your mouth open. “Don't worry, soon this will be all you know.” He spat in your open mouth, making you heave and try to pull away from him as he lewdly groped his crotch, laughing at your distress. 
“Grey, leave her alone… you will have her soon enough.” Wilford finally interjected, beckoning Grey forward towards the room. “I got something to show you anyways, step in here.” 
Grey snickered at you before sauntering over, passing through the door and Wilford followed him in, closing themselves in. You grabbed at some of the bedding, bringing a corner of a blanket to your mouth to try to tear at the fabric. You just needed a little bit. 
Your teeth ripped into the cloth and stitches, wrenching at the fabric till you could feel it weakening. 
Another pull, another twist and you could feel the fabric starting to give. Your eyes darted back to the door. “Come on…” You whined out and then there was a distinctive rrrriiippp… 
Balling the small bit of fabric in your fist, you got up to approach the door. Careful you pressed your ear to it, trying to listen over the engines humming, but it was pointless. The whoosh whoosh whoosh of the spinning mechanisms made you sigh in exasperation. You didn't want to ruin your chance by not being prepared.
Pressing against the wall, you tried to think about what you knew. The door was pressured close to guarantee a seal. Your eyes roving up to the mechanism that worked the door. It also made it close slow. You could wait a good five seconds after they left the room to do what you wanted. You could pretend you were passing by to go to the bathroom, seeing the door was just beyond your main target. Stepping back a few steps, you paused. Eyes on the handle, waiting for them to walk back out, swing the door wide open. 
It felt like hours till the handle jiggled and sure enough it swung wide open with both men leaving, laughing about some shared joke between one another. You started counting just like the way your Grandpa showed you when you were a kid playing hide and seek in the apple orchard.
One Mississippi
 You stepped forward as if you had been striding from your cot, which neither of you bothered to give a glance. The door clicked into reverse. 
Two Mississippi
Your chest clenched seeing the door start to close, the two men were a step away from you now where you could pass between them and the door. 
Three Mississippi
In passing, you rolled the ball of fabric in your palm, your hand brushing against the inside of the door jam and nimbly shoved the ball into the hole that would seal the door shut. Continuing on past. 
Four Mississippi
You paused at the bathroom door, your hand giving a shiver of anxiety while listening before opening the bathroom door. Please don't latch, please don't latch…. 
Five Mississippi
The door shut, but there was no distinctive click the door handle locked. You glanced over your shoulder to see it looked sealed. You yanked on the bathroom handle and escaped into the bathroom, covering your mouth as a gasp of relief escaped you, tears brimming your eyes at knowing it worked. Now it was just hoping Wilford left before he found out what you had done. Sinking to the floor, you took several breaths to try to calm your racing heart. Tilting your head back and closing your eyes, your hands pressed against your belly, whispering. “Jace, we are gonna find your daddy and figure it out from there. Right kiddo… we got this. We are going to be okay.” 
After giving yourself your pep talk and you weren't feeling like Wilford was going to figure it out and bust through that door, you made your way back out to see Claude had joined Wilford and Grey. 
“Well I need to go do my inspections.” Wilford motioned towards to exit, Grey took a glance at you shuffling back to your cot. Coldly he looked you up and down, obviously checking you out. 
“Will be seeing you soon Y/N.” You didn't respond, looking away as you lowered down onto your cot. He left and Wilford reached out for a clipboard Claude was holding, scanning over several papers. “What's the numbers on the tailenders?” 
“High hundreds. We took a count this morning. Its getting overcrowded once again.” 
“Ahh, I know it was getting bad once more. Gonna have to do something about that.” Wilford sighed. “Just need to get creative about it.” You did your best to keep from retaliating. “And how's our special guest there?” 
This made you perk, curious as to who he would be talking about. “Oh settling in nicely, like he never left.” Claude retorted as the door opened, and you couldn't stop the flutter of hope. Maybe it was Curtis.. Could be Curtis they were talking about. The door slammed shut and you started to count. 
Wilford could stay away anywhere from ten minutes to an hour. As anxiously as you wanted to run to the door and go in the room of cameras, you couldn't do it too soon. Wilford would just rush back in and stop you. All this effort, lost. 
So you waited. Counting like before till you were sure it had been a good ten minutes. Easing off the cot, you approached the door and rested your hand to the door handle. 
God let this work. You screwed your eyes shut and started to ease back, the door moving just as easily as if it was properly unlocked. Not even a turn of the handle. Slipping inside and pulling out the fabric from the hollow spot in the door, you let it shut you in. 
Camera, so many grainy moving pictures, it made your head thump with the intake of information. You started moving from screen to screen, searching faces to try to find Curtis. No matter how many you looked through, searching the garden cars, over to the kitchen crew, entertainment cars full of kronole high individuals, none of them had Curtis. You made your way down the line, cars with animals, people making equipment, prison cars. Still no Curtis. You bit at your lip, your fingertips pressing against screens, like you were crossing off people. 
“Come on Curtis, I need you to show yourself.” You passed to the last row, people all from the tail end. You leaned in close, mentally crossing off sections till you stopped at the door. It was a flash of familiarity that brought you back to that screen. 
“Jace… I found your daddy.” Your voice broke in relief, seeing him studying the door and camera, scowling up at it. You remember that look, the one that he was frustrated with his situation. You had never been so relieved to see him looking pissed off. “Thank fucking god you are still alive Curtis.” You fell back to sink in an office chair. “Now how do I get you out?” 
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kimnjss · 4 years
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slumber party | pjm
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⤑  series: less of you
⤑ pairing: fratboy!jimin x dancer!reader
⤑ genre: angst !! a lil bit of smut.
⤑ rating: explicit
⤑ word count: 10.1K // unedited bc im tired . 
⤑ warnings: cursing, dirty talk, slight dry humping, making out at a party, slight exhibitionism kink if you squint, jimin like bites her once i think, handjob, spit, cum licking, jimin sleeps with his hand in her pants to keep warm.
⤑ chapter song: dark side of the moon // lil wayne ft. nicki minaj 
⤑ A/N: idk what it is, but i can’t shut up when it comes to loy!jimin // also very important to note that jimin did not invite miju to the slumber party in hopes she’d bring yn ., it was yoongi who asked jimin if he would invite miju . okay!! without any more chit chat e n j o y !! and let me know what you think x 
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Taehyung is the one to answer the front door moments after Miju excitedly rocked her knuckles against the wood. A furry pooch clutched to his side, decked out in an authentic-looking Hugh Hefner robe complete with the black slippers. Seoyeon is right behind him, slender arms wrapped around his torso as she pouts for his attention.
He pays her no mind, pushing a boxy grin onto his face as he stares between you and your best friend. “Miju! You look great,” She does, so you understand the blatant why he checks her out as the two of you move to enter the house.
Of course, Miju wanted to go all out for tonight. Totally convinced that this night would change everything for her and Jimin. That there was no way he wouldn't fall for her with her after the night of warm closeness and scary movies. No doubt, he'd be inviting her to spend the night in his room... some signature thing that always seemed to happen at these lingerie parties.
You had decided to call it what it was. Branded as a huge slumber party, where everyone could sit around and watch movies, eat snacks, and relax – but you weren't an idiot. Nobody was going to pay attention to the flicks on the screen and there was no way anyone would relax. Not with dozens upon dozens of college girls prancing around in their nighties.
It took all of your efforts... and energy, to convince Miju that buying an all lace negligee was definitely not the way to approach this situation. Words slightly fueled by the bit of fear that Jimin might actually like the way she looked in the thin fabric, instantly pushing the thought to the back of your mind. It was for her own good, not jealousy that you were steering her away from the lingerie aisle.
After quite a bit of debate (multiple interruptions of random messages lighting up your phone from Jimin), she was deciding on a set the both of you could agree on. Excitement clouding her features as she held up the matching pair, insisting that you bought it so you could be twins. You were agreeing, no hesitation needed. Not even bothering to actually look at the thing, just ready to make her as happy as possible. That was the guilt gnawing at your chest.
Which was exactly why you were back in this sleazy living room, freezing your ass off (literally) once again. Despite the set being made completely of velvet, the shorts were so incredibly short that you wondered if maybe you had picked up the wrong size – cropped tank allowing a chill on your midriff.
You could already feel the stares from the guys sprawled around the room, granted to both you and your best friend. Miju, though, acted as if she didn't notice... reaching back to find your hand – she's gently tugging you forward.
“Jimin said to meet him in the den,” Ignoring the way your heart drops at the mention of his name, you just nod. Following behind her, all while reminding yourself that seeing him wasn't going to change anything. That you could easily stick to your guns, no matter how many times he flashed that pretty crooked smile.
The fact that he and his little friends felt the need to seclude themselves... when the party they were hosting wasn't even all that big, had you rolling your eyes. Just from a quick glance, there were no more than ten people in their living room – half of which you were sure lived there, or spent so much time around that they knew where everything was.
Despite it not being real crowded... or loud out in the living room, Taehyung was the only one sat mingling with the group of guests. And you had a feeling that it had a lot to do with the fact Seoyeon didn't want to ditch her friends to sneak into his room just yet.
Just like Miju had said, Jimin was in the den along with Yoongi and Joon. A pretty girl with long dyed red hair sat upon Joon's lap, fingers raking through his hair. She had definitely gotten the lingerie memo, see-through lace covering her 'valued' bits, a lace robe draped over her shoulders.
Yoongi laid sideways on the armchair, scrolling through his phone with a bag of chips on his stomach. You watch the crumbs tumble from the bag and onto the floor as he lifts his body to a seated position, smiling eyes meeting Miju. “You made it,” Jimin's eyes shift behind him, nosily peaking to see who Yoongi was speaking with.
The grin that takes over his features has liquid fire instantly cruising through your veins, cheeks darkening as you easily place the look he's pining you with as the same look he gave you with his head between your legs. Jimin's standing, pushing a hand through his dark locks despite them already being swept back.
He looks good, annoyingly so. Hair carefully styled to reveal his dark eyebrows and oddly attractive forehead. A pair of wide-rimmed circular glasses perched at the tip of his nose. You can't help but notice how perfectly the black and white pinstripe robe outlines his lean body, it's left open to reveal the white t-shirt he wears underneath, the black sweats hanging off his hips.
Those hips... you remember how they felt pressed against yours. Legs wrapped around his waist, holding him tight against you. He had been so hard against your pussy, could feel every ridge and curve of his length. A shame that you didn't get to feel him stretch you out, cum around his thick cock. Yet, you don't think you'd trade the feeling of those fingers for anything. He definitely knew what he was doing in that department.
It takes a moment for you to realize that you're staring and Jimin is glancing at you, curiosity riddling his features. Had he just said something? Were you really that zoned out that you didn't hear him talking directly to you... standing right in your face? Was this what you've really become? How disgusting.
“What?”
A smirk plays on his lips, ignoring the obvious attitude on your tongue. Jimin's eyebrow arches, eyes slowly trailing over the curves of your body, the image of what you looked like underneath him, screaming his name... is instantly clouding his thoughts. “I didn't say a thing,” He speaks slowly, eyes taking their time to find your face again.
“Quit staring at me,” You mumble as you move to pass him, following the path Miju had but instead of taking the seat on the too small seat beside Yoongi, you're plopping down beside Joon and his girl for the evening.
Instantly, she's pulling her face from the crook of his neck. Lipstick smeared as she shoots you a squinted eyed glare. Warning in her eyes, feeling as if you had gotten too close to what she had claimed as hers. You're lifting your hands in mock defense, “Not interested,” She rolls her heavily shadowed eyes, before burying her face again.
Joon is turning to look at you the best he can with his human-sized leech, arm extended offering of a knuckle tap. You knock your fingers against his slightly, “Didn't think I'd ever see you again, what's up?”
Simply shrugging your shoulders, you decide that's response enough. Convinced that Jimin had informed his entire friend circle of what took place in his bedroom. Although, he didn't seem like the type... at least, not with you. But a guy was a guy, no matter how you sliced it.
“You want to choose the movie, Miju?” Jimin's offering up just as Taehyung comes tumbling into the room. Seoyeon two steps behind him, arms linked with two girls that you could only assume were apart of her 'clique'. Hoonie is behind them, fingers toying with the ends of one of the girl's ponytail.
Miju nods at Jimin's words, hopping up instantly to follow him to the array of movies that he had assorted on a bookshelf. It's hard not to stare as the two of them talk quietly in front of the shelf, searching through the names and laughing while they quote bits from movies they've both seen.
Not even standing there for more than seven minutes... you definitely did not count, but you see it all. Can't take your eyes off of them as she laughs at whatever funny thing he's saying, leaning into him as she speaks – batting her eyelashes up at him. He's smiling so brightly down at her, genuine. And you feel sick to the stomach, hate the feeling as soon as you recognize it. But you can't get yourself to look away, even though you feel Taehyung watching you watching them from the spot he chose on the floor, you can't get yourself to look away.
They're coming back with the movie picked hanging from the tips of Miju's manicured fingers. She's moving to pop it into the DVD player as Jimin goes to turn off the lights. It's Zombieland, a movie that you know for a fact Miju hated the first time you saw it together. She's still all smiley as she takes her place beside Yoongi on the couch.
You're so focused on them and the way he seems to curl inside of himself with her so close, yet, at the same time attempt to move closer to her without it being obvious. So focused that you don't notice Taehyung lifting from the floor and taking Jimin's original spot, Seoyeon in his lap. 
Don't notice Jimin make a beeline to the vacant spot beside you on the couch, not until there's warmth against your thigh and you're being engulfed with the strong scent of cinnamon.
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It's not until halfway through the movie do you notice the shift... in everyone that's littered around the too small den. Hoonie's got his hand around the ponytail girl's shoulders, tips of his fingers tracing the lace at the top of her bra while the other girl tries to scoot closer, feigning for attention.
Seoyeon's head tilted back, eyes squeezed shut as Tae draws intricate patterns on the warm skin of her neck with his tongue. A large hand gripped on her bottom, holding her still on his lap – which is absolutely useless because the girl is squirming.
Joon and that girl have been on the verge of fucking since before you even entered the room, so it's no wonder that she has her hand down the front of his pants. She's trying to be discreet, but he doesn't hide the groans that fall from his lips. If you didn't know any better, you'd say he was practicing for a porno with how loud he was being.
There's a nervous tap of Yoongi's foot, his fingers twitching at his sides as he tries his hardest to keep his focus on the movie. Only half listening to the commentary coming from Miju beside him, who seems oblivious to the beginning stages of a parted orgy happening all around her.
It's Jimin who strikes your interest the most... yes for obvious reasons, but also for how quiet he has been since he sat next to you. Long legs crossed under his butt, eyes trained on the giant TV upfront, not a single glance sent in your direction. Not once. Not even a little sneaky one paired with that annoying smirk.
You can't help but wonder... wish that you could peak into his mind. A quick glance at his thoughts... were you in them?
All of a sudden he's standing, adjusting the robe on his body. He's making his way to the door without a word. Miju's eyes flicker to the movement, watching him walk out and you can't help the silent prayer that she doesn't follow after him. She doesn't, just brings her stare back to the screen.
You give it a good five minutes before you're standing from your spot, convincing yourself you're only leaving in search of something to drink. It's exactly what you mumble to Joon (who couldn't care less, to be completely honest) as you move to exit the room. The kitchen is just across from the den and that's exactly where you're heading... to get some water... but then you're eyes are catching the movement to your right.
Of course, it's Jimin. He's exiting the bathroom, drying the palms of his hands on his dark bottoms. Pining you with a wide-eyed expression that's slowly morphing into a smirk and waking up your heart. With a drag of his tongue on his plump lower lip, he's shifting his weight onto one foot. “You followed me?” He's assuming, ever so cocky and annoying.
Instantly, you're rolling your eyes, scoffing at his words before moving to walk ahead of him. “I just came to get a drink.” He's hot on your tail, so close that you can feel the warmth of his body against your chilled skin.
“There's drinks in there. Snacks too.” He's pointing out with a grin, which you ignore completely; entering the rest of the way into the kitchen. The party has picked up since you first arrived, very different from what was going on in the quiet lust ridden den. There's music playing out here, people drinking, laughing loudly amongst each other. All in pajamas.
Now you're understanding their desire to seclude themselves from the rest of the party. Obviously, it was just a thing that they did. Branded as a fun time where you could party in your pajamas, but the inner circle? The people inside of that den right now about to give a new meaning to pillow fight, yeah – that's what this party was really for.
Is that why he had invited Miju? Wanted to have her a part of his little inner circle? But you had come along and ruined his plans. Was that why he wasn't talking to you before in there? Pissed off that you showed up?
“I didn't get a chance to tell you how pretty you look in your pajamas,” His voice is soft even though he's standing right behind you. Eyes scanning over the various drinks that are displayed on the table, looking for something... anything nonalcoholic. Just barely registering his words, you nod your head. “They're the same as Miju's.” You point out, smiling triumphantly to yourself when you locate a water bottle hidden in the far back.
“I noticed. The two of you are really best friends, huh?” He's closer than you think when you turn around. Body instantly caged between his and the counter. Time seems to freeze as your eyes catch his wide ones, water bottle clutched in your palms as you stare at him. Butterflies waking up in your stomach as he stares right back, dark eyes searching your features.
You're forcing yourself to shake it off, straightening your back and clearing your throat. That just there? That was nothing. Not a moment. Not a discovery. Nothing. Feigning nonchalance, you're answering his question. 
“Yeah, since we were six. Which is why-” Ready to reject him again. Knowing all too well what that look in his eye meant. Too familiar with the heat pooling between your legs, just from being this close to him; just from him looking at you like he was literally holding back from devouring you right here against the counter.
He's interrupting you before you can finish your sentence, though. “I know,” Rolling those pretty eyes of his and you don't miss the annoyance in his tone. “...we can't, but I want to.” A slight whine mixed in his tone, his head lowering slightly while his body moves closer against yours.
He hasn't touched you yet, despite how much you want him to. Just entered your space until he was clouding your senses. Knew exactly what he was doing, because you couldn't think when he was this close, teeth worrying his plump lower lip and you want nothing more to replace them with your own.
“Push me away,” Jimin's whispering now, faces mere inches apart that there's no reason for him to speak any louder. It's a gruff tone that has your pussy clenching around absolutely nothing. He waits, giving you a moment to think it over – figure out your next move. But you don't move, you stare at him – waiting for him, challenging him.
A smirk spreads across his lips, caught only for a minute before he's closing the rest of the space between you, molding his lips onto yours. The desperate groan that falls from his mouth is urging you on, hand wet with condensation, you're lifting it to place at the back of his neck – pulling him closer to you.
Faintly, you remember his words from the other night. How he let slip that he could kiss you all night. Right now, at this moment, you found yourself agreeing with him. Not seeing yourself getting enough of the feeling that enveloped your body just from having his lips on yours. 
His thick tongue is pushing its way past your lips, fingers gripped against the counter while he moves his body toward you. Even through the layers, your body is still reacting to having his chest pressed against yours. Nipples pebbling underneath the velvety fabric. And all you can think is you want more. Every last thought falling from your head as you drop the bottle onto the floor, fingers curling into the waistband of his sweats to pull his hips against yours.
“Mmh, you eager baby?” The words are mumbled against your lips, a giggle leaving your lips with a nod of your head. Hand on his neck pulling him closer, you kiss him again rougher this time. Needier. Jimin is thrusting his hips forward and you feel his half hard cock press against your thigh. 
“What do you want?” His hands are dropping to your hips, easily lifting your body onto the counter. Bottles and cups clatter onto their sides, but he pays them no mind; simply moving to stand between your legs.
It's mindless, the way your legs wrap around his hips so you're able to pull him close. Fingers knitted in his hair and head drawn back to give his plump lips as much room as they need to roam your heated skin. “You want me to fuck you? Right here on the counter where anyone can walk in?” He's biting into your skin, pulling a breathy gasp from your lips. His words are getting to you, your imagination running wild with the picture he paints.
Hips rolling up into yours, you're not hesitating with meeting his thrust. It feels so good that you don't bother to mask your moans either, instead allow your hips to take on a mind of their own. Thighs tightening around his hips in an attempt to feel more of him.
“You want me to? You're so fucking dirty...” He's panting, trying to keep it together – but it's hard with the way you look right now. Uninhibited, needy just for him. Nipples creating peaks against the soft fabric, it takes all his willpower not to lean down and wrap his lips around them. He's just about to let go and do it when he's catching the crack of the door behind you.
Jimin's quick with the way he slides your body from the counter, gently pushing you toward the fridge as he busies himself with picking up the bottles you had knocked over. A 'what the fuck' is on the tip of your tongue, but you're words are being cut by the sound of the voice.
“Minmin? Are you not watching the movie anymore?” It's Miju, naturally pouty lips directed at Jimin. Your eyes are wide, discreetly trying to adjust your shorts that seemed to have ridden up. Heart beating a mile a minute and cheeks flushed, you're glad she's all the way on the other side of the room. And paying like zero attention to you.
Jimin's head bobs at her words, reaching for a farther bottle that was moments from rolling off the table and shattering. “Yeah. I just went to the bathroom and wanted to clean up a bit.” She's nodding her head, tilting to the side and finally noticing you. Her brows furrow slightly. “You left too?”
Back straightening, you're clearing your throat. An arm wrapping around your chest to cover your pert nipples as you push a loose strand of hair behind your ear. “Yeah, I... uh, I came out for some water.”
“Oh! There's drinks in there, you know? Minmin set them all up,” She's looking up at him with glowing eyes, and he smiles at her compliment. “Not cold ones,” He's pointing out and you're nodding, in agreement.
“Yeah... I wanted cold water,”
Miju is nodding, no longer interested in the topic. “Okay. Well, hurry! It's almost finished,” Your nod matches Jimin's and she's smiling wide before turning and heading back into the room, pulling the door closed behind her.
Jimin is turning to you the moment she's out of earshot, apologetic eyes searching the stoic features of your face. “I'm so sorry, Yn. I shouldn't have-,” You're stopping him with a shake of your head, lips tucked into your mouth. Leaning down, you pick out the dropped bottle, not sparing him a glance as you pass him to join the loud party.
Should've done this in the first place, you needed to keep your distance. It was too hard to control yourself around him and you were only making things worse thinking that you could. It'd be easy, just stay away... erase all thoughts of him. Keep yourself from replaying the way he kissed you, touched you, talked to you. How he seemed to know exactly what you liked.
Forget how your stupid heart never seemed to shut up when he was close, those simpleminded butterflies flapping their stupid wings every time he smiled at you. You could just shake all of that off.
It would be easy.
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The rest of the night is spent like that. Careful to keep your distance, instead halfheartedly mingling with the crowd of party-goers. Mainly sticking to the familiar faces from around campus, who grin with an offer alcoholic beverages and a step closer to wiping your mind of all things Jimin.
It's not long before you start to feel good, the sway in your steps becoming natural as the people around you become funnier. More interesting. Entertaining. Conversation coming easily as you delve deeper into the lives of your nameless classmates. Convinced you could keep up with this until you were feeling tired enough to crash. Before you knew it, it would be the next morning and you could pack it up and go home scratch free.
That was what you thought. What you hoped. Didn't take into account that the crowd would dwindle down as the night went on. And you definitely didn't expect the 'inner circle' to emerge from the den at all until morning. But as the living room started to slowly clear out, they began to appear one by one.
Hoonie is first, the girl that had been trying to get his attention tucked underneath his arm as he leads her upstairs. The shorts he wears sag low and you wonder if that was something that happened during the movie. A large hand placed on her bare ass used as an excuse to guide her into his room.
You sit on the couch, nursing your third fill of spike pink lemonade staring at the door. Silently hoping that Jimin doesn't come out, that he's fallen asleep sometime in the two and a half hours that you were out of there. Or if he does come out, he's coming out with Miju on his arm – ready to spend the night with her and you'd have no choice but to deal with it.
Yoongi is leaving the room twenty minutes after Hoonie wearing his signature annoyed expression. Hands shoved deep into the pockets of his sweatpants, he doesn't spare you a glance (you're not even sure he knows you're sitting right there) as he makes his way up the steps and into his room, pushing the door closed.
Then it's Taehyung ten minutes after that. Seoyeon wrapped around him like a koala, head buried in his neck. He doesn't head to his room as you expect, instead, he's making a beeline to the kitchen, setting her down on the counter. The same counter Jimin had you on, ready to 'fuck you where anyone can walk in'. They giggled amongst each other, sharing quiet words as he fixes drinks for both of them. Drinks you're sure they don't need what with the drunk in love expression written all over that girl's face.
Miju is exiting with the Ponytail Girl, her eyes finding you instantly. She smiles big, lifting both of her hands to wave as they make their way over. “This was where you were? How come you didn't come back in?” She's plopping beside you on the couch, tugging her new friend to sit down beside her.
“I saw some friends from class, figured I'd chat for a bit,” You lie. Miju is laughing at your words, head tilting to the side slightly. “You hate chatting. And as far as I know, everyone in your classes,” She eyes you suspiciously, big eyes searching your features for any sign of abnormality. You keep your expression stoic, silent prayers sent that she doesn't pick up on your inner turmoil.
But then, she gives up. Deciding it's easier to just ask rather than try to read you herself. “You're not mad, right? That I dragged you along tonight.” With a shake of your head, you're pushing a bright smile onto your face.
“No, not at all. I had a good time,” She smiles wide at your words, hopping up from the couch and pulling Ponytail up. “This is Yuri, by the way. They're setting up tents outside and she invited me to share, you want to come?” Huh, so that's where everyone was heading.
You couldn't help but admire how well these boys seemed to pay attention to detail. To host a giant slumber party and not want dozens of drunk half adults sprawled around your house, simply have tents ready to be set up so they can all crash there. If Miju was heading out to the tents, though... did that mean nothing happened with Jimin?
“I'll catch up. Gonna finish my drink and enjoy the music.” Miju nods happily, linking arms with Yuri before the both of them are basically skipping out back. You want to wonder about Jimin, ready to try and figure out why nothing happened between him Miju but your thoughts are quickly interrupted by a deep voice.
“You're not coming in?” It's Taehyung. Holding two cups in his hand, eyes following Seoyeon as she makes her way back into the den. Brow furrowing and head tilting to the side, you're sure you look like the epitome of confusion. He's rolling his dark eyes at you, blowing out a thick huff of air. “Joon's girl passed out. So it's just me, him, Min and Yeonie. You're just gonna sit there all night?”
He waits a good two seconds before his patience is snapping, shifting the cups so he's holding them by the top between the long fingers of his right hand. Taehyung reaches for your wrist in his now free hand, lifting you from the couch and pulling you toward the den. “You're one of the cool kids now, act like it.” He's quoting a song... or a movie, you can't quite place it but you're sure you've heard those words before.
Jimin is scowling at his phone when you enter, thumb tapping rhythmically against the screen. He's sat cross legged on the couch beside the passed out redhead, Joonie on the other side of her annoyance creasing his brow. Taehyung is dropping your hand to slip into the vacant space beside Seoyeon, lifting her onto his lap after handing her the drink.
There's a twitch in Jimin's brow, it's subtle but you see it. His eyes lifting from the screen to find you. Those plump lips of his spreading into a soft smile at the sight of you. The scowl disappearing from his features and you can't help but wonder if he had missed you in the few hours that you were away.
But, you're instantly pushing the thought from your head – complete with an actual shake of the head. Can't think like that, not when Miju was so hopeful when it came to him. Not interested in being a shitty friend and the more time you spent around him, the shitter he got. So despite, being pulled in the room and the heart pattering feeling you got from the way he looked at you, you're passing him. Walking all the way to the sliding doors that lead to the balcony, prepared to just spend time out here until you were tired enough to go find Miju.
It's colder than you expect, your bare arms and legs taking a big hit. But it's bearable. You can see the moon perfectly from where you stand, full and bright. Illuminating the figures of the people just below with their tents. You can faintly hear their laughter, conversations mixed it sounds like constant chatter.
How fun it would be to share a tent with Miju without this guilt gnawing in your chest. No doubt, she'd make a fuss about having to sleep on the grass – completely disregarding the sleeping bag as a suitable barrier. Freak out about the loud noises that she would be so certain was a bear. She was always funny like that, prepared for impending doom but unequipped to do anything about it.
It would've been fun.
No matter how hard you tried, it was hard to act normal around her since that night. As if you knew you had wronged her and felt you didn't deserve to be in on her friendship after that betrayal. She acted the same around you, though, hardly noticing your shift... you weren't sure if that made things better or worse.
You're not sure how much time passes with you just standing out there, sipping your drink. Ignoring the chill that runs down your spine with every gust of wind. Concentration on the shining moon above as you let your mind wander. Not fighting it when you begin to wonder what it would be like if you had met Jimin first. You'll just blame it on the alcohol muddling your thoughts later.
Suddenly, your senses are being clouded with silky warm cinnamon. There's a bump against your shoulder, “Namjoon won't shut up about how tight your ass looks in those shorts,” Jimin grumbles. He had taken his robe off to drape over your shoulders. He doesn't even look real in the light of the moon, as if you had conjured him with your thoughts.
Skin glowing, despite how annoyed he looked. Lips looking as soft and plush as ever, even if he insisted on keeping them pursed in his angry little pout. His eyes sparkled a hint of fire mixed in his stare. Overwhelmed with the need to tease him, a smirk is playing on your lips.
“Oh yeah? Why don't you tell him to come do something about it, then.” Hands tugging the robe tighter around your body, you watch as his scowl deepens. “Don't upset me,” He grumbles, all but growling and you don't even bother to stop the laugh that falls from your lips.
Jimin looks away at you, squinted eyes glaring at the moon above. He's leaning against the railing close enough that you're shoulders touch, but he pays you no mind. “I'm not interested in Namjoon,” You speak, even though it's none of his business. Unsure why you share that piece of information considering you owed him zero explanation.
His gaze slowly shifts to you but you don't look at him, convinced that you don't care how he reacts to your words. Instead, you continue to watch the moon. The two of you stand there or a while, shoulder to shoulder, both staring but for different reasons... with different feelings.
His robe is warm around you, a welcome feeling because you were sure your thighs were about to turn blue from the cold. It smells like him too, cinnamon. It takes all of your willpower not to lean down and inhale the damn thing. God, you really needed to get a grip when it came to this guy.
“You like it?” His words catch you off guard, wide eyes finding him. Had he heard you? Well, of course not you weren't speaking out loud... right? Could he read your mind? Did he know that you were creepily trying to figure out ways to sneak sniffs of his robe without him realizing?
“Like what?” You ask carefully. His lips lift into a full teeth grin, his gaze shifting from you to the sky. “The moon.” Jimin leans into you as he points and you know he does it as an excuse to touch you. You don't mind it. “You've been staring at it for a while...”
Relaxing, you nod your head. A small smile spreading across your lips, head lifting to admire the shine. “I like to look at it sometimes, send my wishes up there and hopefully they'll come true,”
“What do you wish for?” He's asking as soon as you're finished your sentence, looking genuinely interested.
You shrug, teeth worrying your lower lip as he looks at you. Waiting. Interested. “I wish for everything... health, contentment... to not fail,” Cheeks darkening slightly at your words, you act like it doesn't affect you. Never told anyone that you sent hopeful wishes up to the night sky and counted on them. Words just seemed to flow so easily when you were with Jimin, though.
It's the way he looks at you. How he always looks at you as if he just discovered his very own moon. Prepared to jump through hoops, endure your constant rejection if it meant he'd soon enough be able to break through. Be granted a few moments of your pretty smile, hear that laugh... and maybe, have you look at him the same way. Not willing to share you with anyone else, had half the mind to whisk you away so he could keep you.
Not like you'd complain, belonging to Jimin and only him. Certain that there wasn't a single person that made you feel the way that he did. He must have the on switch to your heart, it only seemed to malfunction when he was around. When he smiled. Kissed you. Coated with sexual tension, you were sure your feelings were more than just that. They were real. He felt real.
“I know what I'd wish for,” Eyes dropping from the sky down to you. A bit closer now, but not crossing the line. Just doing enough that left you no choice but to make the next move, leaving the final decision up to you like he always did.
“What's that?” Prolonging the conversation and staying still. Forcing your urges to stay at bay, keeping your arms wrapped around your chest. If not, you know they'd be finding the warmth of his neck to pull him into you. To feel those lips you couldn't get enough of again, and again, and again.
The grin that spreads across his lips stills your pounding heart. Dimple poking out in its usual spot, corners of his eyes lifting just slightly. “I won't tell you,” His smile widens at the end of his words and you feel your lips curling up too. “If I did, then it wouldn't come true... I really want it to come true,”
Eyes rolling, you're taking two big steps away from him. “I told you my wishes,” You mumble. Jimin laughs, arm reaching out to tug on the fabric of his robe, pulling your body against his again. His arm wraps around your waist to hold you in place, the tips of his fingers gently brushing against your exposed belly.
“Relax. I'll tell you when it comes true,”
There must be some magnetic pull because your head is finding his shoulder easily. Finding comfort in having him so close. You feel his stare but refuse to return it. Just allow him to watch you watch the moon. Enjoying the comfortable silence that falls upon you two, the warmth that spreads throughout your body from the stroke of his fingers.
“You're not cold? You don't want to go in?” Jimin's asking as moments pass. You're shaking your head, despite the shiver that shakes your body seemingly on command. He laughs softly, easily pulling your body to stand in front of him. Arms secured around your waist in a back hug, aim to share some of his warmth with you.
You're leaning back into him, hands dropping down to hold onto his wrists. His chin rests on the top of your head, gaze following yours. “You really liked it that much?”
“I could stare at it all night,” You're admitting. His hands are moving underneath your grasp, just enough so he's able to take hold of your hand, lacing your fingers with his. “I'd give it to you, so you could.” That. That has your heart doing cartwheels behind your rib cage. Butterflies flapping so hard that you're afraid they might burst out to kiss him.
Laughing it off, you urge yourself to relax. Burying the icky lovey dove-y feeling he seemed to carry around with him. “What you gonna do? Toss a rope up there and yank it down?” Tone teasing, in hopes, to shift the overly romantic moment in a different direction.
He doesn't take the hint, ignoring it completely. Pulling your body tighter against his, you can hear the smile in his voice. “If you asked me to, I'd try.”
This has you pulling away from him completely, overwhelmed with the need to be close to him – which results in you not wanting to be close at all. “Stop saying corny things to me,” You whine. That smile of his spreading as he reaches down for your hips, pulling your body toward him again. “Why?”
“You know why.” You can't believe you're actually pouting. Like a complete lower lip poked out, arms crossed pout. It feels so uncharacteristic, but natural at the same time. Jimin's eyes are rolling this time, hands pulling your chest against his before his arms are leaving your hips to wrap around your back.
“You don't have to fight it, you can just be when you're with me.” There's promise in his matter-of-fact tone and he's looking at you with those eyes again. And you believe him, oddly. Feel secure in his words, in his arms. Gaze flickering from your eyes to your lips then back up again. “Would you be upset if I kissed you?” His voice is hushed as if he was determined to keep this moment between just you two.
Soft lips press against yours the moment you're shaking your head. His signature groan falling from his lips as his hand reaches up to tangle in your hair. Different from the other times he's kissed you, this is much slower. Calculated in the way his tongue maps out the inside of your mouth as if he wants to savor the moment.
You kiss him back the same, palm of your hand easily finding the back of his neck to hold him still. Becoming completely uninterested in anything that wasn't his hands. His lips. Him. Jimin. All too soon, he's pulling back, leaving two quick pecks on your lips that has a giggle leaving your lips.
He takes a moment to admire it. Admire you. Wondering how he managed to get so lucky... and unlucky at the same time. “Come sleep in my room tonight.” You could guess how many girls had come here hoping to hear those exact words from his mouth. Knew one of them personally. And that has you pulling back, regret instantly crowding your heart.
“Are you stupid? We can't do that.” No matter how much you want to. The feeling of falling asleep in his arms, spending the night wrapped in his warmth, was quickly slipping from your memory.
“We can.” He's assuring you with a nod of his head. “I'll lock the door and it'll be just you and me. Then you can just leave before anyone wakes up.” Fingers reach out for yours, he's lifting your knuckles to his lips to press soft kisses against your knuckles. Softening you. “Who knows, maybe I'll make you squirt again.” Tantalizing teeth nibble gently at your digit. 
You're pulling your fingers back just in time to catch his smirk. With your dark cheeks, you can't deny that you weren't completely against the idea of repeating the night before. “You're thinking too hard about it.” He whines. “I just want to have you in my arms. Nothing else, honest.” He's reaching for your hand again, lacing your fingers slightly.
“Why do you want that?” Can't help the question from tumbling past your lips, no matter how his words managed to make you feel. Because at the end of the day Jimin was still just a guy... and even if he brought a thousand hammers, you still had walls.
There's a furrow in his brow, head tilting to the side as he looks down at you. The pad of his thumb smoothing over the back of your hand, as his smirk turns teasing. “You don't want it?”
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Jimin's room is just how you remember it. Charmingly messy, which most people would just refer to as disorganized. Not enough time is granted to peak around your surroundings, take in the trail of discarded gym clothes that lead to the en-suite bathroom. The clutter of books carelessly left in the corner of the room. The impressive collection of shoes lined up in the corner, the only thing that seemed to have a proper place.
All of that is missed because the second Jimin is shutting the door, his body is against yours forcing backward steps until your back is flat against his sheets. Sheets that he had changed since the last time for... obvious reasons. Plush lips trail a line from your chin to the meeting of your jaw and neck, pulling soft moans from your lips.
Both of his hands are sliding underneath the fabric of your tank top, stopping at your rib cage. Jimin's lips feel so good against your skin, natural as if that's where they belonged. The thump in your chest doesn't stop, in fact, it speeds the longer you lay underneath him. 
Slowly, he's lifting his face from your neck so he's able to look down at you. Huffing out a chuckle, he's leaning down to press his lips to yours gently... pulling away before it can get too heated. “You look so dazed. Do you like me that much?” He's joking, can hear it in his voice... but you're not a big fan of the weight his words hold.
With a dramatic roll of your eyes, you're wiggling out of his grasp. He watches as you tug his robe from your shoulders before crawling your way to the head of the bed. Making yourself at home in his king size. Tucked in his fluffy blankets and Jimin is not fair behind you. Kneeling to remove his shirt before he's sinking underneath the comforter, arms mindlessly finding your waist.
Back pressed against his chest, he takes a moment to breathe you in. Loving that despite you having removed his robe, you still smelt like him. Mixed with your usual honey aroma, he can't help but nuzzle his face in the crook of your neck.
“I like you that much,” He's confessing into the darkness of the room, lips pressed against the skin of your neck. “Maybe, more.” It's the sincerity in his tone, every ounce of teasing completely absent. He means what he says and doesn't expect you to say anything back. Just wanted to tell you so that you knew.
And because of that, you feel your body warm. The swell in your chest growing, cheeks darkening. How did you manage to get so lucky... and unlucky at the same time. Refusing to think about the downside, wanting so badly to just enjoy this moment with him, you're pushing all the negative thoughts to the back of your mind.
Instead, you're turning in his arms. Fingers knitting through the hair at the nape of his neck, you pull him down toward you, lips finding his. He's kissing you back immediately, pouring all his passion, want, need into the movement of his lips. Pushing your tongue past his lips, head tilting for a better angle – fingers secured on the waistband of his bottoms as you hold him to you.
The groans that he emits from the feeling of your teeth nibbling on his lower lip has a gush of arousal heating up your core. His warm hand finds your wrist below the sheets, gently guiding it until your palm is pressed against the stiff hump in his pants. Fingers flex around it, forcing his hips to jerk forward.
You grin, pulling back from his lips to trail a line of wet kisses down the side of his neck toward his collarbones. Jimin has hands on your ass, kneading and molding the flesh with his chin rested on your shoulder so he can watch his hands. You didn't fail to notice the way he had hiked up your shorts to reveal more of your cheeks to his greedy eyes. 
“You're so hard. What have you been thinking about, baby?” You recycle his words from the other night and from the chuckle that falls from his lips, he's noticed. “Wanna taste you...” He's admitting, his own words making his cock jump underneath your palm. 
Hand slipping underneath the waistband of his pants... his boxers, easily you wrap your hand around his thick length. He curses out loud, teeth cutting into his lip to further silence himself. “You were so good to me last time... don't you think it's your turn?” Slowly, you drag your hand down to his base.
Jimin's nodding his head quickly at your words, “Yes, fuck.” He's basically throbbing in your grasp and you wonder when was the last time he has gotten off. Allowing yourself a moment to play with the thought of it possibly being before that night with you.
You whimper as his cock jumps underneath your light touch. It's as if he's getting harder as the anticipation grows and you can't deny the way that turns you on. His breaths leave Jimin's mouth when your hand is sliding up toward the head, “Holy fucking shit,” He gasps, just as you're dipping your head down a glob of spit rolling off your tongue and landing directly on top.
The slide of your hand is much easier now with the added lubricant. Jimin's hips rocking along with the movement of your hand. His moans interrupting the suction of his lips on your neck. Warm breath panted against your skin while you speed up the strokes of your hand, adding a twist in your wrist to add to his pleasure.
“That feels so good, Yn.” A dribble of precum slides down the side of his shaft following his whiny voice. You're wet just from the sound of his voice, the weight in your palm. How he's desperately rocking into you as if he's actually buried inside of you. It takes everything in him not to flip you over and do just that. Fuck you like he's been imagining since he first met you.
But he holds back because you had been hesitant before. Didn't want to push you too much, happy to take what he could. Leaving hickeys on your skin, your hands on him, your pretty moans that mixed with his hand filled the room. Yeah, that would be enough for now.
Palm closing a bit around him, mimicking the tightness he wants. “Y-you're gonna make me cum...” A stutter in the movements of his hips matches his strained stuttered words. You want him to fall apart, reach the level of euphoria he had brought you to. Strokes speeding up, thumb teasing his tip whenever you can reach it.
His breath is picking up, a string of curses leaving his lips as his thighs tense up. Arms tight around your waist, holding your close as his teeth scrape against the skin of your neck. Thighs rubbing against each other to create some friction of your own, you keep going. Not pulling back until he's groaning out your name, spilling his seed into the palm of your hand.
Jimin is lifting his head from the crook of your neck just in time to see you bring your palm to your mouth, licking his thick cum from your fingers. Eyes hooded but he doesn't dare to take his eyes off of you, the sight alone enough to have him wanting to go again. Wiping damp hand on his sheets, your eyes find his again and Jimin swears he was just shot in the heart. Breath knocked out of him just from the way you're looking at him.
“You're so perfect,” He's mumbling, because that's honestly the only word he can think of when it comes to you. A soft smile spreads across his face, hand reaching for his shoulder to gently push him onto his back. He lets you move him, getting yourself comfortable with your leg hooked around his waist. 
His hand finds your ass, easily slipping underneath the fabric of your shorts. Holding him close to you, head on his chest you ignore the guilt eating away at your heart. Trying hard to focus on the good parts about being with him... which was everything. If only the circumstances were different.
 Imagining what it would be like if things were like this. If you had only met him first, you could like him freely without feeling yourself shrink each time you were reminded of the sad fact. Jimin feels your mood shift but doesn't say anything. Continues to hold you close, his hand gently trying to soothe you. And with the gentle way he's rubbing your bottom, and the warmth of him underneath you – you're drifting to sleep.
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At some point through the night, your position changed. Jimin's bare chest pressed against your back, hand between your thighs to find warmth. Legs entwined to ensure neither of you runs away. He's awake before you, plump lips landing soft kisses against your shoulder.
“Gotta wake up, baby.” Voice harsh from sleep, hushed as if he didn't actually want to wake you. “Wake up, I started the coffee maker and made pancakes,” He tries again, teeth nibbling at your skin and you're stirring.
Head shifting to look back at him, confusion written on your face not sure if you heard him correctly. “You made pancakes?” You question in your sleepy morning voice. Jimin grins, shaking his head before leaning down to press a soft kiss to your lips.
“I'm practicing for our domestic life,” Laughing with a roll of your eyes, you reach down to pull his hand from inside your shorts. You sit up to pull the blanket off of your body, rubbing the sleep from your eyes as you stand. The sleeping guests downstairs suddenly become apparent to you, with the chatter coming from downstairs.
They were awake already? What time was it? Was Miju down there too? Rushing to stand in front of the mirror, you wipe and tug at yourself trying to get rid of any evidence of what happened here last night. Jimin had gotten up too, pulling his shirt and robe back onto his body. His hands dropping onto your hips.
“Thanks for last night,” He whispers, calming your frantic movements with his soft tone and the kiss he presses to the side of your face. “I'm sorry it makes you feel so shitty... you enjoy yourself, though, right? In the moment?” You don't remember the last time you were thanked for spending the night with someone, your presence treated as valuable. And you're sure you were never asked if you had enjoyed yourself.
“I did, yeah.” He smiles at your words, taking a backward step, allowing you to move from the mirror to find your shoes. “Me too,” He agrees with a smile and you notice the tint in his cheeks... the way he's no doubt replaying the moment in his mind.
You're giggling, as you stand with your shoes fastened. “Yeah, we know you enjoyed yourself.” He moves to close the space between you, lips finding your lips. “I need to go,” You're stopping him before he can slip any tongue, knowing all too well where he was heading with the way his fingers stroked the hem of your shorts.
“One more,” He holds his finger up between the toy of you, puppy dog pouting right in your face and it's so cute that you can't help but grant him one more kiss. One more turns into three which quickly turns into five and before you know it he's pulling you onto his lap as he lowers himself onto his bed.
Fingers buried in his hair, you use your grip to pull his head back – freeing your lips. You laugh at the way he chases your lips, “One more.” He mumbles and you're shaking your head, leaving a chaste kiss to his lips before you're standing from his lap.
“That was the last one,” You're back in the mirror, fixing appearance. So drunk on him that it slips your mind that you're supposed to be sneaking out of his room. He's a few steps behind you when you pull the door open, wide eyes finding Miju at the bottom of the stairs.
Her back is to you, deep in conversation with Joonie and Taehyung. They're making her laugh, body bowed furrow as her back shakes. They look so proud of themselves, little did they know she laughs like that all the time.
You're frozen in place, stuck. Lost on how you were going to get downstairs without her seeing you, she was right there! No doubt she'd ask why you were coming from upstairs when you should have met her at the tents last night.
Jimin is reaching for your wrist, ready to pull you back into the room when Miju is turning around. She sees you, confusion flashing over her features but she still smiles, saying something to the boys before she's turning to make her way up the stairs. Jimin is kind enough to put some distance between the two of you, hands shoved into the pocket of his sweats.
“Yn? How come you're in Minmin's room?” She doesn't look angry, just confused. Doesn't expect the worse of you, because you're her best friend and no way would you spend the night with her crush and try to sneak out the next morning undetected.
“Oh. I had to use the bathroom,” The lie rolls off of your tongue coated with a nervous laugh. “Have the cleanest one in the house,” Jimin is helping with a smile that has Miju's face morphing, a smile to match his lighting up her features.
“I'll use it next time, the one down there is so sticky,” She scrunches her nose up at the thought and he's laughing. Like actually laughing and you can't help but notice how easy this is for him. You feel like you're about to crack and he's all smiles and laughter.
You're moving from Jimin's side to stand beside Miju, reaching for her hand – you give it a slight tug. “Are you ready to go? I think I'm all social-ed out.” She pulls her gaze from Jimin to laugh at your words, nodding her head.
“Yeah, sure. See you later, Minmin!” She's waving at Jimin who nods his goodbye and you're pulling her along with you down the stairs and all the way out of the house. She calls quick goodbyes to Joonie and Taehyung as you pass them. Then falls into silence the entire walk to her house.
The silence is uncomfortable for you. Wishing that you could know what she was thinking. Wondering if she bought that half ass-ed lie back there or if she was waiting for the right moment to call you out for it. She didn't seem pissed, her usually smiling self as she admired the nature around her.
Maybe she didn't pick up on the swollen lips and fucked out eyes. Maybe it wasn't as obvious as you had convinced yourself it was. It wasn't like the two of you came out groping each other, plus you've used his bathroom before... so it made sense for you to go in his room and use it again, right?
Miju doesn't say anything until you're stopping in front of her door, ready to wave goodbye when she's stopping you. “I was wondering, where did you sleep last night?” She asks casually, keys dangling from the tips of her manicured fingers.
“Oh, yeah. On the couch. I ended up crashing,” You try to be as cool as Jimin with your lies, brushing off the question with a laugh. She's nodding her head, focus dropping to the keys in her hand. “That's weird, though, because I went to look for you... and the couch was empty.”
Heart sinking, urging yourself to control your facial expressions, not wanting to give anything away. Not ready to talk to her about this yet. Not even sure if this thing with Jimin was actually a thing. “The couch in the den. Did you check there?”
“Hm, I didn't.” Something flashes in her eyes, but it's so quick you can't really place it. “Did you see the girl Jimin was with then?” Miju is not looking at you anymore, putting all her focus on trying to pick out the right key to open the door. “He was with a girl?” You play dumb because that's exactly how you feel at the moment.
She's nodding, a heavy sigh leaving her lips. “Yeah. On the balcony of the den. I thought it was you because of the jammies, but then he came and they started...” Miju shakes her head, stopping her words. “I guess you didn't see them, then?”
“I didn't,” You can feel the cracks in your heart, but can't keep the lies from falling from your lips. Knowing how hurt she'd be if she was to realize that it was actually you that she saw with Jimin. A huff of breath leaves her lips, eyes blinking as she lifts her head to look back at you. She looks the same way she does when she's about to cry and you want to reach out to console her, but you can't get yourself to move.
Miju doesn't let the tears slip, head shaking as she pushes a laugh through her lips. “He's a guy, right? No big deal. We're not even together. I just need to be bolder,” Her words oddly sound like you and you find yourself agreeing, nodding your head.
“Yeah. It'll be alright,” This time you're reaching for her, hand landing on your shoulder. She's shrugging you off, plastering a smile onto her face. “I'm gonna go in. I'll call you later.” She turns, easily finding the proper key to unlock the door.
You nod despite her having slipped past without sparing you another glance. With a heavy heart, you're leaving her porch. Guilt eating away at you with each step you took. And although it should be easy, you can't seem to land on the right thing to do. 
Know that your first instinct should be to stop, to cut all times with Jimin so you can properly call yourself a friend to Miju again... but the thought of never talking to Jimin again, never get to feel his lips, be wrapped up in his arms... makes you sick to your stomach.
There was no way you could have both, though. You needed to make a choice.
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– girl code rule #1: never, ever, under any circumstances fall for your best friend’s crush. but what happens when your best friend’s crush checks all the boxes of your ideal guy… and to make matters worse… he’s crazy about you too.
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A/N: timestamps make sense throughout the fic. to be added to the taglist, send me an ask !! feedback is highly !! appreciated, it’s the motivation i need to keep the fic going nd fun for you guys!!<33
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sk-lumen · 2 years
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hey! my names j! and i need some advice on friendship.
I have a best friend, A, and we have been good friends for about 5 years and have aknowlegded each other as best friends. But she doesnt act like it a lot. She loves me i dont doubt this but i wonder if she loves me as much as I love her.
She jokes a lot. Saying things like oh suck it up, and sarcastic responses when I ask for her advice or opinion or help. She doesnt talk to me about personal things or life events and I didnt either but Im starting too, and she seems unbothered.
She is very affectionate with her partner, family and other good frieds, She acts disgusted when I hug her, I think its a joke, but shakes me off whenever I try to touch her.
Its to the point where I cant tell if shes joking or not. Ive also had to come out to her a few times repeatedly about my prefered name and pronouns and she straight up forgets by the next week yet learned the preferd names and things of newer people who shes only known for a few months. I dont know what to do.
Hi J,
From everything you’ve said, I say this with all the kindness but that doesn’t sound like the actions of a friend. It’s important to note that it’s not the words that matter (her saying that you’re her best friend), but actions. That’s how someone shows how important you are to them.
The truth is, people will show their truest self, including their most authentic feelings towards you, through actions, small gestures, unconscious habits. Let me put this into perspective.
From what you’ve mentioned, this friend…
teases you (even though you may have visibly or verbally made it clear it makes you uncomfortable, I’m assuming)
invalidates your feelings (“suck it up”, sarcasm)
doesn’t confide/trust in you with her personal life
is affectionate with all those dear to her (which should include you), but not you, to the point of showing to be repulsed
completely ignores your preferred name and pronouns - to be frank, I don’t think this is accidental. No friend would forget about something so important and personal as this. Mess up the details or forget the first time(s)? Sure, we’re only human. But if it’s on multiple occasions and you’ve expressed your discomfort on the matter and nothing has changed, it’s all the answer you need. It doesn’t sound like this friend truly prioritizes you.
Here's what should happen:
A true friend validates your feelings, makes you feel heard and supported. A friend is affectionate (unless they have any general issues with physical contact etc, which doesn’t seem the case here) because it is yet another way of showing they care about you. A friend will trust you with the narrative of their personal lives and feel glad to offer a shoulder to lean on in exchange as well. They value your advice and are happy to offer it, too. A friend stops any words, actions or gestures that you point out as being hurtful to your feelings; furthermore they will actively remedy the situation, because that’s how you sustain a relationship: choosing to make it work, day by day. Last but not least, a friend will be very mindful and considerate about things like preferred name or pronouns, simply because it’s important to you. It’s not a trivial detail.
And that’s what a friend would do. What about a best friend? Multiply that twice, five times, ten times. That’s what best friend means.
I hope this gives you clarity darling, because you deserve more than this. Perhaps it’s time to have a heart-to-heart conversation with her and see what’s actually going on. Maybe she’s uncomfortable with something and doesn't know how to bring it up, maybe she just doesn’t care as much, or maybe she’s keeping a distance because of something from the past… who knows? Ask and find out. Communicate. And if the situation doesn’t change… don’t be afraid to cut your losses. It is by letting go of the old, that you can let in the new, and surround yourself with the kind of people that truly resonate with you and make you feel loved and supported.
Honestly, that is one of the best advices I would give anyone in their 20s, even 30s. It's okay to make mistakes by tolerating less than you deserve, but once you realize it, don't wait forever to do better! That's a lot of years wasted by settling for unhappy situations, unhappy relationships. Clear the space, admit you deserve more, then allow the universe to bring it into your life.
I wish you the best, and hope you find the kindness and supportive connection you deserve. 💞✨
-Lumen
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