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#also i passed my semester with such a good gpa

fairydrowning · 4 months

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"Do you understand? When I am done telling you these stories, when you're done listening to these stories, I am no longer I, and you are no longer you. In this afternoon we briefly merged into one. After this, you will always carry a bit of me, and I will always carry a bit of you, even if we both forget this conversation."

– Hao Jingfang, "Invisible Planets," in Invisible Planets: Contemporary Chinese Science Fiction in Translation, tr. & ed. Ken Liu

#do you understand this??#besties I'm back and now I'll make sure to post here regularly hehe #also i passed my semester with such a good gpa #dark academia #light academia #excerpts #fragments #poetry #books & libraries #romanticism #spilled thoughts #words #spilled ink #writing #hao jingfang

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your-god-empress-lavender · 1 month

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Henrow blorbo

first off, ohmyfuckinggodyouaresocoolllllllllllllllll

secondly, what ya workin' on currently? <- is deathly interested, yes please please please info dump if you have the spoons

- Ryan

Bonjour my furry friend. At the moment i'm mostly working on getting a job so that i can afford rent, but when i'm not doing that, i'm working on designing some new N-substituted 5MeO-tryptamines (in order to avoid being banned for breaking tumblr TOS, i can't say exactly what for, but if you look up 5MeO-tryptamines, you should see). So far i've only managed to make things that make me super sleepy (and maybe a tiny bit inebriated), so presumably my body is mainly metabolizing them into melatonin. I also have been working on working through the details of making a rocket engine which relies on both muon catalyzed fusion and z-pinch fusion (mostly because even though i know it's way above what i'm probably capable of, i just love space so much i desperately need to see it for myself and i figure that since rockets are so absurdly expensive, the only way i'll end up in space is if we can get a whole new generation of ultra-efficient rockets (for example, given p-N14 fusion, if we manage to get 1% or more (i don't really expect more than 0.1% max, but still) of the hydrogen fusing with nitrogen, we'd be able to put 150 tons on the moon from earth with only using about enough fuel to fill a small car (instead of needing a skyscraper sized rocket to send maybe 30 tons)). Now, if it were as easy as my calculations show it to be, i can't imagine how there are any rockets flown that aren't fusion, but seeing as i haven't even made a working proof of concept yet, i'm not in a position to criticize the thousands of aerospace engineers who are working on conventional chemical rockets. I love fusion because it's simultaneously so easy (i live pretty close to an old uranium mine where i can actually pan some uranium out of the creek near me, then use that uranium to make a neutron source (B10(α,n)) which is really just fusion between helium and boron, happening at room temperature because of how high energy the α particles released by uranium are) and so absurdly difficult (without catalysts like muons, it requires absurdly high temperatures and pressures that almost always take more energy put in than they can give out). Anyway, i've also been sorta working on studying a material that a while back i got way too excited over and may have called a room temperature superconductor (almost certainly not the case), but in an attempt to make it more pure and study it for real i've been trying to work on the exact calculations of its composition and finding a better way to heat it up to high temperatures (i might just but it in a flat-bottomed flask, especially since it finally warmed up enough for me to go back outside where the fumes released by its production won't make folks mad).

And then there's the biological experiments, currently with electroceutical tissue modifications since most of the other projects i have planned require me to have a gene printer capable of reliably printing genes thousands of base pairs long and i'm not sure when i'll be able to build that. The most recent thing i've been working on is really exciting because if it works it means that i've successfully done something that has never been done before to a human body (and given the long lasting pain in that part of my thigh, it seems very possible it is working), but i'm hesitant about sharing what the project is because i don't really want folks putting gap junction blockers, calcium channel blockers, and sodium channel blockers into open wounds without knowing how to do it safely and correctly to get the desired results and not just a really messed up wound. If/when this experiment turns out well, i might give directions in private, but i'm still somewhat hesitant due to the risks inherent in this (the biggest and most likely is literally giving yourself a form of cancer, something i'm not eager for others to risk). Soon i might try chemical dedifferentiation of skin cells (thinking on my back or upper arms) followed by some mildly dangerous experiments to test how reliably i can make it turn into other cell types. And while i haven't made good work on it in a while, i've also been trying to make something similar to shimmer from arcane (ideally not addictive or harmful to the user, but most importantly the quick energy burst, decreased pain, and increased regenerative abilities (obviously it won't be anywhere near as dramatic as in the show, so calling it shimmer may not really make sense, but it is where i got the inspiration)).

Then i suppose there's the battery project i was talking about in my last post, and i'm also trying to learn how to make alcohol under my desk (i mean, it's super easy, it just doesn't taste great). There might be a few more things i'm working on but rn i'm super eepy and have talked about a lot already. If this seems like i'm doing a lot or impressive, also note that i'm actively failing out of college (for my own pride: the material is super easy and mostly i already know it, i just can't stand wasting so much of my time doing homework that doesn't help anyone or anything) and not yet working a job, so i have a lot of time and so much free brainspace to think about and do all this. I also work very slowly on each thing because i keep bouncing back and forth between all of them and almost always end up adding new projects before i've finished the old ones and so i almost never see a project all the way through to completion (at least some of the bio projects are just sitting in my body and i am just waiting to see how they turn out in the next 2-3 months, so those necessarily will see completion, even if it's failure). I really hope i see the fusion rocket to completion because if i don't think i'll ever be able to see the earth from afar or the moon from up close.

#idk #answer to your ask #i hope this is mostly complete #also wow this is long #that's what she said #i'm kinda surprised how many projects i have #i don't often count them #but yeah here they are #i promise i'm not trying to use this for evil #also college kinda sucks because everyone assumes you know nothing and are incapable of learning #not saying you shouldn't go but just that in my experience it ain't worth it #you can learn so much more from the internet and free courses offered online (oer and mit opencourseware are good starting places)#also now that i've shared these projects i hope that makes me feel more accountable and have more need to actually finish all of them #i have so much schoolwork i gotta do and probably won't #1.37 gpa first semester was impressively bad #legitimately went into college thinking i would be challenged and enjoy it but now it's like #“wow i know all of this and yet i am required to spend 8+ hours on homework each day in order to pass even with perfect test scores”#anyway sorry that probably sounds like i'm being super annoying #these tags are getting super long #byeeeeee

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chailovesu · 7 months

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a list of everything ive manifested and what i want to manifest

having alot of friends + also having at least one best friend (in short never being lonely)

people always approaching me first

not living with desired people

instant appearance changes

instant weather changes

very very pretty almond doe eyes and long eyelashes

a puppy

oddly specific tiktoks to pop on my fyp

being "popular" in school

having big boobs and a big butt naturally

being a semi big submaker

my face shape (younger me listened to round shape face subliminals but i had a thin one before)

alot of mcdonalds

bigger prettier lips

alot of sps coming back because i believed in the saying "they always come back"

revising something completely and there being no evidence of it ever happening

long breaks off of school (i feel like since i was listening to ALOT of "cancel school" subliminals b4 the corona break and i've had so many breaks off of school)

soft pretty 3a/3b hair

alotttt of compliments

being seen as very attractive in my own eyes and other ppls

being alot of ppls comfort person everyone tells me they enjoy my company

being right abt random things

manifested alot of things for my old friend

constantly passing classes knowing damn well i didn't do any work 😭 went from a 34 to a 92 doing absolutely nothing

all my teachers liking me enough to bump my grades to passing even if i did nothing in their classes

strangers always being nice to me all the time

people being obsessed with me (i don't recommend manifesting this 😭)

being lucky in games

immediate weight loss

having 300+ absences when the county's limit was 10 a semester and never getting in trouble for it

moving out of houses

being spoiled by people irl and online simply for being attractive

ppl texting me immediately after i think abt them

being able to manifest fast in general

having a high pitched cute voice

+ other tiny things

what im current manifesting

being extremely rich + living in a mansion

knowing how to speak Spanish, Korean, and French

revising any trauma I've experienced

desired baby pictures and childhood memories

having no anxiety and never overthinking

being everyones type + being like kokomi teruhashi

revising that i have close childhood friends

butt length hair

having no body hair

having a vivid imagination

4.0 gpa + perfect attendance + being naturally smart + being good at math

hazel eyes with mostly green

a cat and a pink bird and a bunny + my current dogs but they're all going to be babies and get along well (also manifesting that ik how to manage all of them)

being shorter

desired parents + only one sibling

a lot of rich love interests

desired body and face

old friends coming back

being a huge submaker like roy

bringing certain family members back to life

im manifesting this by affirming and listening to subliminals because thats what i prefer

#law of assumption #loa #loa blog #loassumption #void state

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shmaptainwrites · 4 months

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𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐄𝐘𝐄𝐒 [𝐉𝐀𝐌𝐄𝐒 𝐖𝐈𝐋𝐒𝐎𝐍]

PAIRINGS — James Wilson x fem!Reader

SUMMARY — James has a huge crush on his labmate, the only question is how long will it take him to ask her out? (Answer: it's longer than you think)

WARNINGS — cancer mentions, patient death from cancer, drugs, alcohol (don't be mistaken this fic is tooth-rotting fluff)

NOTE — Okay this fic has come up from my compulsory need to elaborate on anything Canadian so if you ever wanted to see James at McGill, this fic is most definitely for you! Also I guess it's indirectly mentioned that reader was raised in Quebec, but obviously doesn't have to be "Quebecois" for this to work

Pronounciation — Jian = Chyehn

James chewed on the inside of his cheek as he walked up to the Stewart Biological Sciences Building on McGill campus. For some reason, it was so much more intimidating now that he was actually a student. During the tour he had his mother’s reassuring hand on his back, his father’s words of comfort that he would most definitely be accepted when he applied.

Now that he had made it, he had to prove he belonged, but it could have been worse. His friends at Harvard and the University of Toronto had told him so. He was getting the best of both worlds, a prestigious school and, hopefully, not as much pressure as the rest of them.

Without loitering any longer, he made his way inside and looked around to find the right lecture hall. It couldn’t possibly be that hard, could it?

After his first semester James had realized he’d made a few mistakes. One was living in a French speaking part of town without knowing a lick of the language, but that one was the easiest to deal with. The others were more in the realm of the amount of sleep he was getting and underestimating how much content the professors could shove down their throats in 14 weeks.

He was more than happy to return to New Jersey for the holiday break to rest and recuperate before going back to the winter wonderland hell that was Montreal, but this time he was confident he would be more prepared.

And for the most part, he was. He got enough sleep, partied responsibly (except Fridays, he partied hard then), always submitted his work on time and maintained his good GPA, making up for his poor fall semester. What he didn’t expect, however, was a distraction.

When you walked into the room James watched you curiously, he thought maybe he’d seen you somewhere before, but he couldn’t quite place it. Besides, you were much more interesting than watching his sample boil for another five minutes.

You came and took a seat next to him, taking out your safety goggles and lab notebook from your bag before shoving it under the table.

“You’re sample’s boiling over,” you said, but James didn’t register you were talking to him at first, still looking at you in a slightly dazed manner before you physically pointed to the beaker, making his eyes go wide as he frantically turned down the heat and removed it.

“It’s a wonder you passed the lab safely quiz,” you teased and James blushed.

“Good thing I don’t want to be a chemist.”

“Oh, and what do you want to be then?” you asked, preparing your own sample for boiling.

“A doctor,” he shared with a little more confidence.

“Any specialty in mind or just a doctor,” you said, doing air quotes over the word.

“I’ve been shadowing some of the researchers in the Life Sciences Research Complex and I think oncology might be a good fit for me.”

“Yeah, as long as you don’t have to boil cancer cells you should be fine,” you assured him.

“What about you?” he rolled on the balls of his feet as he continued his experiment. “Or are you all talk?”

“Pfft, you think I’d be here if I was all talk?” you asked. “No, I want to be a medical researcher.”

“Maybe you should do some shadowing in the LSRC then.”

“No thanks, I think I’ll stick to my job there.”

“Your job?” James looked at your wish surprise. “Aren’t you like 18?”

“Almost,” you smiled.

“How did you manage to get a job there? They barely let undergraduates in the labs, let alone be responsible for anything.”

“It’s nothing fancy,” you assured him. “I just do cataloguing for now, but it's a good experience.”

“Still,” he raised his brows, “you must be like a prodigy or something.”

“Again, no,” you shook your head. “Just someone who goes after what she wants.”

There was a comfortable pause where you both took down your distillation set ups and began working on the filtration portion of the experiment.

“So what’s your name, anyways?” you asked, looking over at him. “Hey, look, clamp it this way,” you demonstrated and he followed your lead, seeing how much more stable the glassware was afterwards.

“Thanks,” he smiled. “I’m James.”

You told him your name and continued your work again in silence.

Chemistry labs quickly became the favourite part of James’ week.

Ever since that lab, James began to see you in all his classes. On more than a few occasions, he’d had to steal notes from his friends on account of forgetting to pay attention. It became an easy thing to tease him about, so his friends began calling him heart-eyes, because who was he kidding, he had a crush.

“Get your head out of your ass, heart-eyes, I am not giving you my notes again,” his friend, Carlo, shoved his arm and whispered harshly as he could see him getting distracted.

“Sorry,” James shook his head and began scribbling down what he had missed, his eyes darting back and forth from the board and back to you.

“Why don’t you just ask her out?” Pierre asked him after class. “Don’t you talk all the time in the lab?”

“More like I stare at her and she says stuff to make it not awkward,” he cringed at his own actions. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Every time I’m with her I can’t string together a sentence, and– Jesus Christ you should have seen my face last week! Full on red, like I can’t even be subtle about it!”

“Yikes,” Jian grimaced.

“It’s bad, I know,” James assured.

“And this is why we call you heart-eyes,” Carlo patted James on the back.

“Yeah, say it a little louder, maybe she’ll hear you,” James said sarcastically.

“Who’ll hear you?” the group of boys heard a voice behind them and all their eyes went wide as they spun around and saw you.

“No one!” Jian was quick to answer in the least nonchalant way possible, making the rest of the group, especially James, stare daggers at him.

“It’s not no one,” Carlo attempted to save face. “Just… this girl back in uh New Jersey that James’ got the hots for,” he gained confidence with every word of the sentence before adorning a smug smile on his face and patting James yet again on the back.

“You’re afraid a girl in New Jersey will hear you?” you looked curiously at James but he just stared blankly at you. “So you call him heart-eyes?” you instead turned your attention to his friends and they nodded. “That’s cute, maybe I’ll call you that too.”

“Sure,” was all a red faced James could get out before you excused yourself to head over to work.

Pierre was trying very hard to keep a straight face while you walked away and James slapped both Carlo and Jian upside the head.

“What the hell was that! Could you not have been more obvious, Jian? And Carlo, a girl back in New Jersey? Now she thinks I’m pining for someone else!”

“On the plus side, maybe she’ll think all your blushing around her is a circulation issue,” Pierre shrugged.

“You guys are the worst,” James shook his head and shoved his hands in his pockets, continuing to walk along the path to one of the libraries.

“No, we just saved your ass,” Carlo caught up with him. “However terribly, but if we didn’t say anything you would have stared at her with your mouth open like a trout.”

“Carlo does have a point,” Jian agreed, “At least we bought you a little time to get your act together.”

James sighed, “You guys have too much faith in me.”

“You said that when I started to teach you French and you’ve come a long way with that,” Pierre said.

“Yeah, sure I went from saying nothing to being able to say Je m'appelle James et je ne parle pas français.”

“And what a handy sentence that is when you don’t speak French!” Pierre grinned and James couldn’t help but chuckle and shake his head.

“Okay, I’ll try and get my act together and ask her out…and learn more French.”

“That’s the spirit!” Carlo patted his back. “Now let’s go get a drink and relax.”

“Maybe after we study for our physics midterm?” James nudged his friend and Jian nodded his head in agreement.

“Fine, I guess if we have to,” Carlo sighed.

“Not everyone is naturally good at kinematics, Carlo. Take pity on us mere mortals who have to study,” Pierre responded, eliciting a chuckle from his buddies.

James was quiet as he thought to himself. If he could get a B on this physics test, maybe there was hope for him getting his act together after all.

—

Summer break rolled around faster than James had expected. While Jian went back to Richmond, Pierre over to Quebec City, and Carlo to Chicago, James was left alone in Montreal, working to help pay his tuition for the next year. Being an international student was no joke.

He would have gone back to New Jersey, but the positions he applied to in Montreal paid more so it wasn’t a hard decision to make.

His parents would come visit him for some time in July, but for the most part he was alone.

On late nights, he’d make his way to the McDonald’s in the neighbourhood, not knowing enough French to go anywhere else nearby. At least there, most of them spoke enough English to take his order, and if not it was really easy to point to the menu.

“It’s already done?” he asked.

“Give us some credit, hein. We knew you were coming, we had it ready.”

James chuckled and handed him the money for the order, exchanging it for the bag which he took to a table and sat down.

As he was pulling out his fries from his bag he heard the chime of the door and looked up curiously to see who was coming at this time of night.

He stopped what he was doing when he recognized you, watching as you dug through your purse and spoke to the cashier in French. You both laughed about something James couldn’t quite catch and a little while later, after you had paid they handed you a bag and an ice cream cone when James heard you say something about ‘deux cuillères’ taking the utensils they gave you and turing straight towards James’ table, pulling out the chair across from him and sitting down.

“I thought you lived in New Jersey,” you said.

James was still stunned that you had noticed him and couldn’t find the words to speak.

“Hey, heart-eyes?” you waved your hand in front of his face. “You okay?”

“Y-Yeah,” he nodded, distracting himself by pulling out his burger from his bag.

“So why aren’t you in Jersey?” you asked.

“Work. I got a job here, it paid better.”

“Hmm,” you hummed thoughtfully while eating some of your fries. “And all your friends?”

“Back with their families, unfortunately for me,” he nodded. “W-What about you?”

“Oh, I live here,” you shrugged. “In this neighbourhood actually.”

“You live here?” he asked.

“That’s what I said,” you nodded.

“And so that’s how you know French?”

“Every kid in Quebec learns French, it’s kind of a non-negotiable,” you shared. “I gather that’s why you’re eating here.”

“Yeah, Pierre didn’t manage to teach me enough before he left,” he sighed and started to eat his meal.

“I could teach you if you want. I’m taking a little break this summer so I have some spare time,” you offered.

“Oh, I don’t want to-,”

“James, you’re gonna have a shitty summer if you don’t say yes.”

He couldn’t argue with that, it would be nice to communicate more with the people who lived around him.

“Okay, sure, but I’m warning you, I’m a terrible student.”

“I used to tutor one of my siblings, trust me it can’t be worse than that,” you laughed.

You chatted a little more, finishing your meals but not before you handed James a spoon.

“So this is cuillère then?” he asked. “I-I overheard you talking to Jean.”

“Yeah, your pronunciation isn’t bad either,” you nodded. “Here.”

You pushed the ice cream cone between you and began to eat it with the spoon. James had a bit of a sweet tooth and wouldn’t be one to refuse dessert so he began to share the ice cream cone with you.

“So, are you missing your girl in New Jersey?” you asked and James cursed internally, trying to come up with a lie to tell you.

“Um, no not really,” he shook his head. “I don’t think we would have worked out anyways.”

“Oh, so are your friends still calling you heart-eyes?”

He nodded his head, thinking it was better not to say anything in case he gave himself away.

“It’s good that you recognized you wouldn’t work out before you asked her out,” you said, “Couple guys wanted to go on dates with me this year, but just didn’t seem like the right fit. Plus, I don’t really think I’m looking for anything like that right now.”

James nodded his head again, silently eating the ice cream.

“Ever been in love, James?” you asked.

“That’s a really loaded question to ask someone you cornered in a McDonald’s at 11 P.M.”

You ignored his response and continued,

“I haven’t, it seems like such a big thing, how would you even know if it was love?”

James looked up at the ceiling, silently asking God to not let him say something stupid,

“I think most of the time it comes on gradually, maybe you won’t even know it at first.”

“So you have been in love,” you confirmed and he shrugged his shoulders.

“I…I don’t know. Maybe I have.”

“That’s not a very straightforward answer.”

“Then maybe I haven’t. I feel like if it was love, you’d figure it out, eventually.”

You pursed your lips and nodded your head.

“I hope I get to fall in love,” you smiled softly to yourself. “Seems nice.”

“Yeah,” James agreed. “It does.”

—

A few years later…

“So how did it go?” Jian asked, as they sat around James’ small living room.

“It…could have been better,” James sucked in some air through his teeth, recalling a recent memory from earlier that afternoon.

“What the fuck James! You scared the shit out of me! I could have broken the hemocytometer, do you know how much that shit costs?!”

“Sorry!” James quickly apologized and dropped his books down on the nearest surface to help you clean up, making you look up again at him with disdain.

“In the BSC? Really? Now we have to resterilize and all the specimens I have in there are as good as compromised.”

“Shit,” James muttered under his breath, he was usually so much better in the lab, but the second he was with you he became a bumbling mess. “I-I’ll take care of the BSC, I’m so sorry.”

You sighed and removed your gloves, pinching the bridge of your nose.

“It’s not just boiling water we’re dealing with anymore, James,” you said a little more calmly than before. “You’ve gotta be more careful, okay? I’m not losing my job over this.”

James nodded his head and went to grab the things to sterilize the biological safety cabinet and grab the new specimen from the fridge. So much for trying to get a job at LSRC to impress you.

“I was not built to be a researcher,” James shook his head.

“I mean, it’s not that big of a screw up, you fixed it eventually, didn’t you?” Pierre asked.

“Yeah, but not until after a thorough amount of embarrassment.”

“I thought girls found clumsy guys endearing,” Carlo commented.

“Not when the girl is determined to become the leading medical researcher on the continent,” James sighed. “Maybe taking this job was a bad idea. From what I can see she hasn’t even changed her opinion on dating, she hasn’t been with anyone these past three years.”

“Do you hear that?” Carlo removed his feet from the coffee table and placed them on the ground. “You’ve been in love with her for three years and haven’t done anything about it.”

“Who said I was in love with her? And sure, maybe I haven’t made a move, but I learnt French!” James tried to defend himself, pointing to Pierre.

“That’s not as good of a comeback as you think it is,” Pierre shook his head.

“I know,” James hung his head low and sat on the couch between Pierre and Jian. “We’re gonna graduate in a year and she’s not gonna know I’m in love with her.”

“So you are in love with her?” Jian looked over at his friend sympathetically.

James leaned back and used the heels of his palms to cover his eyes.

“He’s gonna have a meltdown, don’t ask him that,” Pierre shook his head.

“God, I do love her!” he exclaimed like he was just finding it out for the first time himself.

“What did I say,” Pierre sighed.

“Can I make it stop?” James looked over at his friends who all shrugged. “I am so screwed.”

“This time, I think we agree with you,” Carlo took a sip of his drink. “Good luck, man.”

James squeezed his eyes shut, he would definitely need it.

—

The year passed to graduation and James was still sitting on his feelings. It was much too late now to say anything. You’d already been accepted to a graduate program through your work with the LSRC and James had passed his MCAT with flying colours and was on his way to medical school at Columbia.

As much as he didn’t want to admit it, he was going to miss Montreal, the city had grown on him during his time there and a part of him wished he could stay.

His friends were also ready for the next stages in their studies, all going to different places across the continent to get their other degrees, with, of course, the promise to stay in touch.

James didn’t know what the next little bit of his life had in store for him, but he hoped regardless of where he ended up, maybe he’d be able to make up for his missed opportunities.

The years of medical school, once started, passed faster than James expected them to, and by the end of it, much to his own surprise, he’d also gotten married.

You were almost all but forgotten in the back of his mind, but time continued to play its games.

Medical school turned into a specialization in oncology, and a divorce. Then residency and a marriage. Then a second divorce. Then another marriage and more recently a position at a hospital in his hometown, on the board and a well respected oncologist and a few new friends…and a third divorce.

“House, I’m not asking you to let them all sleep in your apartment, it’s just a dinner for one night, we’ll be out and about for the rest of the time that they’re here,” James sighed.

“Can’t you just cancel?” House asked. “Divorce seems like a pretty good reason to get out of a reunion.”

“See, the thing is, I’d rather not be miserable and see my friends instead, and they bought their tickets months ago. Please, House, I’ll do the dishes for a week.”

“A month,” House said.

“Two weeks,” James negotiated and House nodded, so they shook on it.

“Good, now that I’ve done you a favour, you can do me one,” House smiled, but the kind of smile that was conniving, like he had something up his sleeve all along.

“I paid you in chores for my favour, who says I owe you anything?”

“Unless you want me to call your friends and cancel for you, you’ll do it,” House continued to walk the hospital’s hallways hobbling with his cane.

“What is it?” James sighed, catching up with him.

“We have a patient and he doesn’t speak very good English, but he does speak French. You went to McGill didn’t you? Must have picked up some of the love language.”

“Unfortunately for me in this case, I did,” he nodded.

“Perfect, come with me now,” House motioned with his head to the patient’s room and James trailed behind him.

When he entered the room, House motioned for him to begin speaking. James hadn’t spoken a lot of French since his undergrad so he was definitely rusty, but he supposed it was better than nothing and began to explain that he would be helping with the translation.

“Erm, Bonjour, je suis Dr. Wilson, je vais aider Dr. House avec la traduction.”

The man looked at James strangely before saying.

“You’re an anglophone, but you speak French like you’re Quebecois.”

“I um did my undergraduate in Montreal, I learnt how to speak there,” James responded back in French.

“Hmm.”

James could tell this wasn’t going to be fun. Some of the French held quite a bit of hate towards Quebec, who knew why, but his accent definitely wasn’t going to help him in this situation.

House got James to ask some routine medical history questions and a few things about his symptoms all the while James had to filter out all the insults that were coming his way with regards to his “poor use of language” and “unintelligible accent”.

When he could finally leave the room, James let out a string of French curses under his breath, still thinking in the other language.

“House, why can’t you just get a proper translator?” he asked. “I’m terrible at this.”

“Cuddy said something about making a big purchase recently and being currently unable to do so, especially since you put that you speak French in your resume. Bet you’re regretting that one now.”

“Yeah,” James nodded his head. “Big time.”

They began to walk towards the elevator to go to the cafeteria for lunch, when James decided to inquire more about Cuddy’s big purchase.

“Oh, she said something about money this, medical research that,” House shook his head, “You know I stopped listening the second she wouldn’t give me what I wanted.”

“She hired a medical researcher,” James said aloud, chewing on the words, “I wonder who she-,”

His train of thought was cut off when he saw, near the elevator, a face he hadn’t seen since graduation day at McGill.

Quickly, unable to think of anything else to do, he ran into the administrative area and hid crouched down behind a photocopier.

House watched his friend curiously before walking over towards him and leaning against the copier asked him if he’d gone insane.

“No, I just, um, remembered I needed to copy some patient files,” he lied.

“You don’t have any with you,” House said.

“I faxed them from my office,” he lied again.

“I think I need to go get Foreman, clearly you’re having a neurological breakdown,” House said.

“Can you just stop making it obvious I’m here?!” James exclaimed in a whisper.

Unfortunately for him, as you were walking past, his harsh whisper made his location obvious, causing you to look down and see his familiar face.

“Oh my God, heart-eyes, is that you?” you asked with a smile and James pressed his lips in a thin line and nodded. “What are you doing down there?”

James became speechless and suddenly he was an eighteen-year-old back in his chemistry lab.

“He’s checking to see if we need more toner,” House said, lying for his friend, but James knew that was all he would get out of him. “Well, that’s my cue to leave, you guys have fun.”

You reached down and offered James a hand, helping him back into a standing position.

“I haven’t seen you in so long,” you commented. “Like since we were-,”

“22,” James filled in and you nodded.

“Yeah,” you bit your lip before asking him how he had been.

“Oh, you know,” he shrugged his shoulders. “I-I’m assuming you’re the medical researcher Cuddy hired?”

“That would be correct,” you smiled.

“Why did you choose to work here? I thought you were some big hotshot in Canada?”

“I am a big hotshot, which is why I wanted to come to a teaching hospital. I thought maybe it would give more opportunities to teach other people what I know. It’s a win-win. I get to do what I want to and the hospital gets grant money from my research,” you explained. “It looks like you got where you wanted to be too, Mr. Oncologist.”

“Actually it’s Dr. Oncologist,” he joked and you laughed, making his cheeks go red after hearing the sound.

“I missed having you around, James. We should catch up sometime,” you suggested.

“Yeah sure,” he nodded. “I-I’d love that.”

You excused yourself, needing to go introduce yourself to a class of medical students, waving goodbye to James, leaving him stuck in his tracks for a few moments before he could gather his senses again and head downstairs for lunch.

—

“We could have rescheduled if this was too much, man,” Carlo watched James as he brought a large roast to the table for them to eat.

“See? What did I tell you,” House rolled his eyes and James gave him a disapproving stare.

“No, I wanted you guys to come, we’ve been planning this for months. I wasn’t going to let anything get in the way of it,” he assured his friends. “Plus, we know how hard it is to nail down Pierre, I swear you are always travelling. Every time we talk you’re in a different country.”

“That’s the life of a parasitologist,” he shrugged and helped James by beginning to cut the roast.

“And Jian, how’s the wife and kids?”

“They’re good,” Jian smiled. “Mei started first grade in September. Becky and I are both up for promotions at the hospital, so I can’t really complain. Although I think Carlo can.”

“Seriously it’s not that big of a deal,” Carlo groaned, “Sure yeah, pharmaceuticals are more flashy than biophysics, but that doesn’t mean that my research wasn’t better.”

“Well if it was better why did William get the award?” James asked and Carlo just flipped him the bird.

“Didn’t we go to school with him?” Pierre asked.

“We did?” James raised a brow.

“Yeah, for a year, from Toronto, huge stoner. Hated being there and did literally no work, but still managed to get honours,” Jian explained.

“Sounds like my kinda guy,” House commented and James rolled his eyes.

Just as they continued to dish out dinner, House’s pager went off and he sighed, excusing himself from the table while practically threatening James to leave him some food.

When House left, James’ friends saw their opening and began their personal line of questioning.

“Hey, James, are you really okay?” Jian asked.

“Why wouldn’t I be okay?” James asked in return.

“You’re getting a divorce,” Pierre said. “Seems like a pretty good reason to not be okay.”

James shook his head,

“Yeah sure, it’s a shitty situation,” he admitted. “Did I imagine myself at this point in my life with three failed marriages? No, definitely not. Can I do anything to change it? Also no, and right now I really wouldn’t want to change it.”

“Can we ask what happened?” Carlo queried.

“She cheated on me, then left me,” James said simply.

“Forgive me,” Pierre said. “But you seemed a lot more upset when we talked over the phone last week. What changed?”

James looked down at his plate and cut into his roast, thinking about what Pierre had said. It was true, even earlier today he was sulking about, that was until he ran into you.

“I swear,” James started, “if you guys make a big deal about this I will murder you all,” he used his knife to point at all of them and they nodded, swearing their silence. “I’ve got heart-eyes again.”

“You met someone new?” Jian asked and Carlo shook his head.

“No, he re-met someone old. Tell me, did your hospital recently hire a medical researcher?”

James nodded his head and the table was about to erupt into a loud chorus of comments when James gave them a look and they all restrained themselves.

“James, I’m being dead serious when I say this, but you should have married her,” Pierre insisted. “I never saw you look at anyone else the way you looked at her.”

“Probably explains the three divorces then, doesn’t it? I was still in love with her the whole time,” James sighed. “It’s going to come up eventually, seems like a pretty big indicator that I’m not good at relationships.”

“Who knows, maybe she won’t care,” Jian offered.

“What was it like when you saw her again?” Carlo asked, looking for any opportunity to tease his friend.

“How do you think it was? I could barely talk, I was a nervous wreck, and blushing like crazy,” he shook his head at the thought of it. “I could literally feel the blood rushing to my cheeks. I feel like a middle school girl every time I’m near her.”

“Who knows, maybe she still thinks you have circulation issues,” Jian shrugged and the table laughed.

“What I would give to stay here and watch this play out,” Carlo sighed and leaned back in his seat.

“Knowing James, you’d have to be here for ten years before he made a move on her,” Pierre raised a brow and James threw a piece of potato at him.

“If you ever do get the guts to ask her out, call us. We’ve made bets on this,” Carlo added.

“Real comforting, guys,” James ate a bite of the roast. “I thought this was supposed to be my pity party.”

“Not anymore,” Jian shook his head. “You’ve got heart-eyes.”

This time around, James thought maybe he didn’t mind the nickname as much as he used to.

—

“I would think they’d get you your own office at this point,” James commented as he entered his office, seeing you sitting at his desk, eating a pre-packed lunch.

“Beats me,” you shrugged and continued to eat.

“So you’ve decided that invading my office is your next best bet?”

“Oh hush,” you waved him off with your fork.

“Well, excuse me for wanting to come to a safe place after being verbally assaulted by House’s patient,” he sat on the opposite side of the desk and leaned back in the chair.

“Verbally assaulted?” you asked. “By a patient who isn’t even your own?”

“He doesn’t like the way I speak French,” James rolled his eyes. “I’m translating while they’re treating him since the department used all its money hiring you.”

“What can I say, hotshots cost a lot of money.”

“You know, you could do the translation, probably much better than I can,” he noted.

“I could, but you probably need the practice more than I do, chèri,” you scrunched your nose in a cute mocking way and James could feel the blood rushing to his cheeks yet again. “You still keeping up with that posse of yours?” you asked, changing the subject.

“Yeah, they all flew in to visit a few days ago, we’re gonna go out tonight,” he said. “Do you…maybe want to join us?” he suggested.

“I don’t have plans, as long as they’re okay with it I’d love to come,” you smiled.

“Oh trust me, they will definitely be okay with it.”

—

Later that night, James was drinking deeply from his glass while he watched his friends stare blankly ahead at you. If he looked anything like they did all those times his words were caught in his throat, then he hoped to spontaneously combust right then and there.

“Heart-eyes, I thought you said they were okay with me coming?” you leaned over and whispered to him.

James put down his glass and nodded his head.

“They are okay with it, right?”

Snapping out of their daze, the three men nodded their heads and finally began professing assurances that everything was fine.

“It’s just… you said James invited you?” Jian asked with furrowed bows.

“Yeah,” you nodded. “He mentioned you guys were in town and getting together tonight and asked me if I wanted to join.”

James bit down on his tongue trying not to say anything, but also gave his friends a look to shut up before they gave anything away. He knew what was running through their minds, they were wondering how the hell he’d gotten the guts to ask you to come, but there was one fundamental difference between tonight and any other time he could have possibly asked you. This wasn’t a date, therefore, there was no pressure.

“Maybe you could tell them what you’ve been up to since they last saw you?” James suggested.

“Oh, um, well, I got my master’s degree and doctorate at McGill, both for research in cancer biology-,”

“Cancer biology?” Pierre interrupted. “I don’t remember you mentioning you were interested in that.”

“I-I wasn’t initially,” you admitted. “Just after spending more time in the LSRC and a few other irrelevant things I decided it was the best fit for me to focus on.”

“You and heart-eyes make a pretty good pair then,” Carlo raised his eyebrows suggestively and took a sip of his drink.

“I guess we do,” you chuckled. “As long as he leaves the research to me. We all know what he’s like in the lab.”

“I resent that,” James protested only before saying, “but I do deserve it.”

“It’s a miracle he hasn’t had a medical malpractice suit,” Pierre added.

You asked the boys about where their various careers had taken them and how they were each doing. The conversation stayed pretty normal until the topic changed to relationships, starting with Jian’s wife and family back in Vancouver and Pierre’s husband who was currently in Australia doing research on some massive insect.

“What about you Carlo?” you asked. “Anyone special in your life?”

“Nah,” he waved his hand.

“What about the mom of the kid who pet sits for you?” Jian asked.

“That kid charges me per animal, per size. If I were to date his mom he’d probably charge me for dating her too, and I don’t think I can afford his price,” he shook his head and the table laughed.

“James, you’ve been quiet,” you said. “Nothing to share?”

James nervously took a sip of his drink and looked over at his friends for help.

“James hasn’t had the best luck in love,” Pierre settled on.

“Oh, haven’t found anybody, that’s not a big deal,” you assured him. “I haven’t either.”

“Well,” Carlo said in a high-pitched voice. “It’s not exactly that he hasn’t found anybody.”

“So there’s someone-?”

“I’m divorced,” James blurted. “Three times. Or soon to be three anyway.”

“Oh,” you paused and tried to think of the right thing to say, but for the moment settled on nothing while Pierre changed the subject.

After the visit was over, James offered to walk you to your car and you accepted. The walk started off in silence, but you decided to break it.

“You know, I hope you find the right person eventually,” you said. “It’s unfortunate things didn’t work out three times.”

“Yeah,” James nodded in agreement. “I-um, do you ever think about that conversation we had, in the McDonald’s by my apartment?”

“Sometimes I do,” you admitted.

“Looking back on that, I wonder if we ever really loved each other. If we did this probably wouldn’t have happened. We would have fixed things, worked on ourselves instead of just…giving up.”

“So I guess you still haven’t fallen in love yet?” you asked, but he stayed silent. “Whoever it is, I’m sure things will find a way to work out for you.”

“The moment may have passed on that,” he said with his hands shoved in his pockets and looking down at the ground.

“You never know, James. Sometimes life has a funny way of surprising you.”

—

James watched as his colleagues and a few of the students from the university left the lecture hall while he continued to sit in his seat, watching you walk up towards him.

“Don’t you have patients or something?” you asked. “You’re at all of my lectures.”

“Doesn’t it seem appropriate for an oncologist to attend a cancer biology lecture?” he asked as you sat down next to him.

“I suppose so,” you sighed. “Doesn’t explain why you weren’t taking notes though.”

James looked down at his empty hands and cursed a little internally.

“It’s okay,” you assured him. “I don’t mind the staring, it reminds me of school.”

“You noticed?” he asked.

“You weren’t very subtle,” you chuckled.

“Yeah, not one of my strong suits,” he blushed, embarrassed.

“Do you wanna go grab lunch before your break is over?” you asked and James nodded, standing up and offering you a hand to get out of your seat.

You went to the cafeteria, running into his friend House who managed to get his food paid for by James, yet again, before leaving to go back up to his office and work on another differential diagnosis with his employees.

“Did all the guys get back home safe after their trip?” you asked, digging into your food.

“Carlo and Jian are back home, Pierre went to go be with Ollie in Australia.”

“It must be hard not living near them.”

James sighed and nodded his head. “It’s a balance. When they’re being annoying, it’s great that they don’t live here and when they’re not, it sucks.”

“Spoken like a true friend,” you chuckled.

“What about you? Do you still keep in touch with people from school? During any of your degrees?”

“Not really,” you shook your head. “After my undergrad I became so laser focused on my school I didn’t pay attention to relationships that much outside of my family. Starting to regret it a bit now.”

“Kind of hard to have a good conversation with cancer cells,” James said sarcastically and you shook your head. “Do you like it in New Jersey so far?”

“Not as much as back home,” you admitted, “but it is nice to have a friend here.”

“Yeah, Jersey is…an acquired taste,” he settled on, making you laugh, but your laughter was cut off by the sound of his pager, and he looked down to see what the message was before quickly standing up. “Sorry, I have to-,”

“Don’t worry,” you assured him. “I’ll pack up your food and bring it to your office.”

“Thanks,” he nodded and you waved goodbye as he ran off out of the cafeteria and to the oncology floor to go help one of his patients.

—

James didn’t find himself walking around the campus often, but when he did it was usually because he had to clear his head. With everything that was going on in his life, in addition to the circumstances of this case, he was taking it harder than normal.

He had left his coat in his office as the hot New Jersey sun was already beating down, his hands shoved in his pockets and his eyes following his feet as he took his steps forward.

He didn’t notice you sitting on a bench as he was passing by. Curious as to his state, you stood up and went to meet up with him.

“Hey James, are you okay?”

Your voice pulled him out of his thoughts almost instantly. He stopped to look up at you, seeing the concern reflecting in your eyes.

He took his hands out of his pockets and motioned for you to walk with him.

“I lost a patient today,” he explained. “He was 11.”

“Oh, James, I’m so sorry,” you said softly.

“In med school you learn pretty quickly if you don’t find a way to deal with what you face every day the result is never good,” he said and you noticed him chewing on the inside of his cheek, “but it was just too sunny outside. How could it be sunny on a day like this?”

You didn’t say anything initially, only intertwining your hand with his and giving it a light squeeze which he returned.

“You know, I think it’s probably okay, every once in a while, to let yourself mourn your patients. Just like everyone else. You have a uniquely difficult job, James, and no one would hold it against you if you need a minute to adjust.”

James stopped walking and you followed his lead, only to have him let go of your hand and pull you into a tight hug. You easily wrapped your arms around his neck while his arms were around your waist.

“You’re a good doctor, James,” you mumbled. “I know, even if you don’t quite believe it right now, you did everything you could to help that young boy and make him more comfortable.”

You could feel him nod his head, clearly not trusting himself to say anything at the moment.

Neither of you wanted to let go, but you knew that you both had work to get back to. James had other patients he was responsible for and you had some work to do in one of the hospital labs.

So silently, hand in hand, you accompanied each other back to the hospital, grateful for each other’s company.

—

“I swear, if I stay there any longer I’m going to go mad,” James whispered to you under his breath as you walked along the halls of the hospital with him to help him run some tests for a few patients.

“What was it this time?” you asked, huddling in closer, waiting for him to spill the beans on why living with his best friend was becoming unbearable.

“He keeps pranking me,” he began to explain and you could see how frustrated he was just by his hand movements. “Last night he thought of the genius idea to put my hand in warm water while I was sleeping and-,” James stopped himself, realizing he’d divulged too much, just as your eyes went wide.

“Oh my God you didn’t wet the bed did you?” you asked in a chuckle and James quickly covered your mouth saying,

“Shh! The whole hospital doesn’t need to hear you!”

You couldn’t hold in your laugh, muffled by James’ hand over your mouth and his cheeks were a bright cherry red.

Eventually you pulled his hand away and said,

“You definitely need to get out of there. That’s criminal.”

“Exactly what I’m saying,” James agreed.

“Hey, why don’t you come over to my place tonight?” you suggested. “We can watch a movie or something together.”

“That sounds like exactly what I need right now,” he nodded his head. “What time?”

“Come over at eight, it’ll give me some time to get snacks and get ready.”

“You’ve got yourself a deal,” he held out his hand and you took it shaking it firmly.

Later that evening while James was getting ready, House watched him curiously.

“I still don’t believe that you blowdry your hair,” he said loudly over the sound of the appliance.

“Believe it or not, I do,” James responded.

“It just seems so pointless, your hair is messy anyways,” he crossed his arms and James gave him a look.

“My hair looks fine, yours on the other hand could use a trim and about a billion other things,” James retorted.

“So, is this a date?” House asked, changing the topic.

“No, it’s not a date,” James shook his head. “It’s an opportunity for me to get away from your insanity.”

“Are you sure it’s not a date?” he asked.

“What makes you think it's a date?” he finally gave in and turned around to face his friend, turning off the blow dryer.

“Well if you asked her if you could come over, probably not a date, but if she offered…” he shrugged his shoulders.

James shook his head, he didn’t want to allow himself to believe it was true, because if it was, he’d probably overthink things and make a fool of himself.

“It’s not a date,” he reiterated and House stopped pressing, seeing as his friend would not be reasoned with.

James finished fixing his hair and grabbed his keys and a coat before stepping out of the door.

It didn’t take him long to drive to your house and when he knocked at the door he heard shuffling inside before the lock clicked and you opened it.

“Hey! You got the dress code memo,” you joked, pointing to his McGill sweater and then back at yours.

“I thought you might like a blast from the past,” he smiled and you invited him inside.

As he entered he noticed the array of pillows on the couch, blankets draped over arm chairs, and books piled on every surface possible. To top it off, the house was currently only lit by lamps allowing a warm orange hue to fall over the space. It made James’ shoulders relax and he could even feel his nervous heart rate slow.

“Do you like it?” you asked. “I am by no means an interior decorator, but I tried to make it feel cozy so it’s nice to come back to after long days at work.”

“I do like it,” James nodded. “A lot. It feels like a home.”

“Perfect, that’s exactly what I was going for,” you smiled. “You’re the first guest I’ve had here, you know?”

“Really? No fancy dinner parties with the hospital board?”

“No, not yet,” you chuckled. “Unfortunately, this guy in the oncology department keeps taking up all my time.”

You grabbed his hand and dragged him over to the couch.

“But don’t worry, I don’t mind.”

After he took off his coat, you both sat down next to each other, James extending his hand along the back of the couch and you naturally sat right up next to him, leaning forward to grab the remote and turn on the movie.

“What did you pick?” James asked.

“Just some random horror movie,” you said. “I heard it’s really cheesy.”

“We’ll see about that,” James raised his brows and grabbed the popcorn from the table, putting it in between you both.

You pressed play once you were both settled and tossed the remote to the side of the couch, curling your legs up and waiting in anticipation for the movie to begin.

It didn’t take long for the horror plot to begin, jumping right into the satanic murders and supernatural deaths. Just as you had predicted, it was cheesy, but that didn’t stop you from being startled whenever something popped up unexpectedly on the screen.

Both of you were lulled into a false sense of security during what seemed like a quiet part of the movie, then, all of a sudden, the killer jumped into the frame with a loud change in the soundtrack, causing you to shriek and move towards James, also feeling him jump slightly from being startled.

You both looked up at each other and laughed at the ridiculousness of your collective fright.

“You’re supposed to be the calm one,” you elbowed him.

“I know it just-Jesus!” James found himself inadvertently closing his eyes and wrapping his arm around you as if it would give him some protection from what was on the screen.

You laughed again and leaned closer into his side, patting his leg to assure him it was safe to open his eyes again.

“You must enjoy torturing me, that’s the only explanation for this,” James looked over at you and you shook your head.

“Come on, heart-eyes, you think that lowly of me?”

James couldn’t stop the smile that creeped past his lips, “No, of course not.”

“Good, that means I still have the upper hand,” you moved your head to look back at the TV, but not before James tickled you in retaliation for your words.

It took a moment, but you eventually surrendered and moved your focus back to the movie, still feeling a little warm from your laughter.

You grabbed some of the other candies and snacks from the table, holding a gummy bear up for James to try and he did without so much as a second thought.

“Still have a sweet tooth I see,” you offered him a different candy which he ate again and nodded.

“You don’t want to know how many cavities I’ve had.”

“Here,” you handed him a wrapped treat. “This one’s special from home.”

“Maple candies,” he smiled. “They don’t make ‘em like they do in Montreal.”

“They were your favourite, right?” you asked.

James looked over at you again curiously, “You remembered that?”

“Of course I did,” you shrugged. “Oh wait, look,” you pointed to the TV before grimacing and covering your eyes, but still peeking through your fingers. “Ew!”

James just smiled at you, finding it harder and harder to resist the urge to kiss you, the thought bringing a warm sensation to his stomach.

He settled instead on doing what he’d been doing forever: staring at you with heart-eyes.

—

James tried to fight a yawn as he grabbed one of the many books on the shelves in his office, taking it to his couch and sitting down next to you.

“You don’t have to do this, James,” you told him. “You probably have to be back tomorrow morning, you should go home and rest.”

“No, no, it’s fine,” he insisted. “You look in here for that article I was telling you about and I’ll start proofreading.”

There were many papers and files strewn around the couch, you couldn’t remember when you first came in, but James never seemed to mind when you worked in his office instead of your own.

“Are you sure?” you asked. “I feel like I brought a tornado in here.”

James looked up from your paper and nodded his head.

“Now hush and let me read.”

“Sorry, sorry,” you chuckled, opening the medical journal he had handed you, flipping through the contents until you found the article title he had mentioned.

James had a pen in his hand, scribbling down annotations on the side, correcting a few typos and grammatical errors.

For the most part, he was able to follow along, but at one point, the words became so incoherent he tapped you to make sure his eyes weren’t playing tricks on him.

“What does this say here?” he asked. “I-I don’t know if my eyes just stopped working, but what does stirring in sugar and eggs have to do with this trial treatment?”

“Oh my God,” you grabbed the paper and looked at it closer. “I must have accidentally copied some of my mom’s cookie recipe on here before changing documents. What in the world is going on with me?”

Maybe it was the exhaustion settling in or some other things James couldn’t quite pinpoint, but he felt himself letting out a chuckle that grew a little longer, and longer until it was a full blown laugh.

It was an honest mistake, and arguably not that funny, but you’d be hard pressed to convince him of that in that moment, and instead, seeing the silliness of the situation, you joined in.

Eventually, when the laughter died down, you and James both leaning far back against the couch, he turned to you and apologized.

“I’m sorry, I should probably read this when I have a bit more sanity.”

“Don’t be,” you patted his leg. “I can always use a good laugh.”

With your heads still turned to face each other, you suggested to pause the work and resume it another time, to which James agreed.

You both continued to sit there in silence, looking over at each other and James caught a glimmer of something in your eyes and had to blink a few times to make sure it was still there. It was a soft look, a little dazed, like you were happily daydreaming about something far off. It took him a moment to realize it, since he had been the one giving that look, he’d never really had a chance to see it for himself.

You had heart-eyes.

And more importantly, you had them while you were looking at James.

With a sudden boost of courage, fuelled by lowered inhibitions, he started by asking,

“Have I ever told you why my friends call me heart-eyes?”

You tilted your head a little, following his lead and sitting up straight.

“Wasn’t it because of that girl you had a crush on that was from here?”

James opened his mouth and then shut it, shaking his head.

“There was never a girl from Jersey,” he admitted.

“Why would they say it was a girl from Jersey if there was…” as you said the sentence you slowed down, the realization dawning on you.

“All the staring makes a bit more sense now?” he asked.

You blinked a few times, “I just thought you were really awkward,” you said.

“I was, but if the staring didn’t give it away the blushing really should have done it,” he chuckled.

“I thought you had a circulation issue!” you exclaimed and James burst out laughing, of course you did. “God, James, why didn’t you say anything?”

James shook his head, “I could barely string out a coherent sentence when I was around you. Makes it a little hard to say anything.”

“Makes me wish I had said something,” you said, feeling your own cheeks heat up at the admission.

“Y-You would’ve said something?”

Now it was James’ turn to be surprised.

“I think most of the time it comes on gradually, maybe you won’t even know it at first. That’s what you said to me, but that eventually, if it was love, I’d know it.”

You reached out and held James’ hands in your own.

“I should have said something. I could have said something. We could have had so much more-,”

“James,” you whispered, interrupting him and he stopped. “Shut up and kiss me.”

James wasn’t going to waste another second, removing his hands from your to instead gently hold your face, bringing you closer to him so he could finally do what he had been dreaming about since he was 18 years old.

The dim light of his desk lamp, the papers crumpled beneath and around you, the way you moved closer and slid into his lap, his hands now on your hips and your fingers snaking through his hair, it all melted into one and if you let yourselves imagine, just a bit, the lamp became a light in the library; the papers became unfinished homework assignments and lab write-ups, and you hadn’t missed a second of the time you could have spent together.

Your kisses soon turned slow and repetitive and neither of you wanted to pull away, living in the moment like it was your last.

“When…did you realize…you loved me?” you asked between kisses, moving away from his mouth, instead letting your lips find their way across his jaw and up to his temple.

“Our last year of school,” he paused your kisses so he could kiss you properly again. “Carlo said something and-,” he shook his head and sighed. “I realized I was going to leave without you ever knowing how I felt and even though eventually I thought maybe I’d stopped loving you and started to love other people…I just kept trying to fill that space that only you fit in.”

“First year of my master’s for me,” you rested your forehead against his. “Suddenly you weren’t there anymore and I really wished that wasn’t the case.”

He tilted his head up to meet you in another kiss that was far too easy to melt into. Neither of you had any complaints and you knew you’d never get tired looking into his heart-eyes.

@cuntyvicodin

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ros3ybabe · 9 months

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August 15th, 2023 🎀

My university resumes classes tomorrow! I am so excited to really begin and solidify my morning routine and get back into the school mindset and grind. I'm really planning on being successful this semester.

With the new semester starting, I figure it's time to set out some new goals and things I want to accomplish this semester.

Fall Semester Goals 🌸

🩷 Academic Goals -

Pass every class with an A, no exceptions. I took on an easy class load for a reason.

Join 1 or 2 clubs. There's a club related to my major that I'm looking into, as well as a kpop club and a Japanese club that I'm looking into joining if I have the ability to.

Put effort into my classes. Don't miss class without a solid, valid excuse. Actually study and review class material outside of lectures. Ask questions in class and don't be afraid to go to office hours or tutoring.

🩷 Personal Goals

Stick to a consistent morning routine! Workout, journal, read, make my bed, skincare, etc. Consistency builds confidence.

Pamper myself regularly. For me, this means the occasional retail therapy moment and getting my nails done every 4 to 6 weeks. I don't normally get my nails due to the nature of my job, but if I keep my nails short and not too flashy, it'll be great! My first appointment is at the end of this week, and I'm excited! The picture of nails I included is actually how I'm getting mine done!!

Routinely attend appointments. That includes lab work, therapy, psych, dental, and general physician appointments. My health is a priority, and I want to make sure I stay on top of it this semester.

🩷 Social Goals

Attend study group sessions when applicable

Again, join a club or two. It's the best way to make friends with similar interests.

Attend social networking events on my campus. They have career fairs and professional fairs all the time. As a junior in university, I think it's time I start building some connections for future internship and career opportunities.

I also have some physical goals, but I will not be including those here as to not accidentally trigger anyone. I don't have particular deadlines for any of the goals I mentioned, but I feel like it's important to have these goals so I know the direction I want my semester to go in.

I'm really excited for this semester. It's time I put my best foot forward and succeed. I know I can do this. My GPA will increase, I will recieve more scholarships, and I will pass everything with high marks. I believe in myself.

To everyone also beginning their semesters, good luck!! I wish you all the best success in every way and that you all thoroughly enjoy everything these next few months bring!

Til next time, lovelies !! 🩷

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nanthegirl · 2 months

Text

⭐︎Hi Hello⭐︎

I love reading everyone’s intro posts because they’re so cute and I’m nosy. So here’s mine🧍🏾‍♀️. Although I’m a bit concerned about redundancy because of my bio, but whatever.

• Nanu

• Medical Technology Student

• Germany

• Languages- English, mother tongue and German, B2 C1, who knows?

• Interests & Hobbies- Beginner violinist, trying to get into art, The Sims, crochet, reading, writing only for my Sims though and Disco Elysium.

I was so stressed about writing one of these and it ended up being very anticlimactic. Which is good.

More Semester specific info under the cut🧍🏾‍♀️. (03/04/2024)

I’m in my 6th Semester which, all things being equal, should’ve been my last. But I haven’t particularly been the best student due to a…. bunch of stuff. So I may end up taking an extra semester or two. I’m done most of my classes though so I just have exams to write. A lot. Im also doing the Lab for Physics 2 now cause I wasn’t able to do it in my 2nd Semester because my apartment didn’t have electricity or WiFi lmao.

Main Goals for The Semester

Get 1’s on every exam. Ridiculously ambitious considering the highest grade I’ve ever gotten is a 1,3 and that was just once but if I don’t see the point in not aiming for a perfect grade. Like, I might as well.

Up my gpa as much as I can, hence the 1’s. I want to make sure I get into a good masters program and I’m sort of glad I delayed a bunch of my exams cause I would’ve probably gotten shit grades if I wrote them then so. Silver lining.

Study consistently and try to be more interested in the material. I always feel like a fraud when I pass any exam cause I feel like I didn’t really learn anything and I won’t be able to get a job. My degree has some interesting parts and I want to learn to enjoy the entirety of it. Basically up my curiosity for knowledge.

Work on my German. I’ve not set down a solid plan for this yet but I definitely need improvement. I avoided all the electives that required presentations last semester and I heavily regret it now. The only way to dissolve the anxiety over speaking German is to give myself nothing to worry about in the first place. I’m also looking forward to being more comfortable with it so I can focus on learning my native language and many others.

Practice the violin consistently. I’m super shy about practicing in my apartment cause I assume everybody thinks it sounds terrible and it’s too loud but my goal is overcome that fear and make significant progress.

Practice drawing consistently. I really do want to improve my art and I’m like a beginner beginner beginner. It can feel super discouraging sometimes but also fun and I really hope I can stick with it.

Clean my room every Saturday.

I pqlanned to write a whole lot more here but I’m not in the mood anymore so the whole cut thing feels like a waste. But it’s been done. So. Thank you for bothering to read this and I hope you get to achieve all your goals🤍.

#I love studyblrs so much #I also love when people get detailed about what they’re studying #I want to knowwwww #studyblr introduction #studyblr #studyblr intro post #study motivation #university #studyinspo #study #studyspo

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lilislegacy · 2 months

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(This gets a little rant-y sorry!)

I just saw the post that somebody said about Annabeth and Percy dropping out of college and I totally see that.

Something that I see a lot, especially in fanfiction, is people forgetting that these 2 are neurodivergent and severely traumatized.

College is really hard. In general, for a neurotypical person, it would be difficult.

I'm writing this from an autistic, dyslexic, adhd, ptsd point of view. College is really fucking hard.

I've seen fics where people will talk about how they'll be taking 4-5 classes per semester. That's not really possible for them.

I have been taking one class a semester, and it is excruciating.

Granted, I do not go to New rome University, which is mainly demigods. So it might be tailored differently to how most demigods learn, but still, college is really difficult.

I could definitely see them trying college but taking it at a substantially lower pace than normal.

Like the original ask said, they might just drop out because it would be too much of a mental load.

Especially because of how soon the turnaround is from their severe trauma (tartarus) and them going to college. Even if they tried their best, they wouldn't do well. (This is also me speaking from experience. When I was going through stuff in high school, it made my gpa drop like a brick.)

I'm just tired of people acting like the only symptoms of their trauma is bad dreams and that their only symptoms of their adhd and dyslexia are "oh squirrel!" And not being able to read.

(Sorry for ranting. This is just kind of a sore subject for me. Especially recently, I have had to deal with some ableism from my professor, and I'm looking into transferring to a different college because of it)

thanks for the ask @invadericee!

i totally see where you’re coming from. college is really really hard on its own. being dyslexic, adhd, and traumatized does not help.

however, i really do not believe that they would drop out. the biggest reason being they are both so determined to get though it. and when those two are determined, nothing is stopping them.

you also have to remember that new rome university doesn’t just accommodate for kids like them. the university is made specially for people like them. most everyone there has adhd. most everyone there has dyslexia. and many of them have ptsd. and likely, the teachers and staff are demigods. so they are the same way, and therefore know how to teach in a way that actually works for them. also, new rome university is a very very small college, so the students would get a lot of one-on-one time with professors and counselors, etc. so i don’t believe their learning disabilities will hurt them very much there, because the entire system is built around them having those learning disabilties. you know?

but i completely agree with you that i don’t like how people downplay their trauma a lot. and rick riordan himself is the biggest suspect of this. in chalice of the gods, percy and annabeth are mainly just happy to be alive and having a good time, and percy only makes one passing remark about his mental state not being great. and i get why rick didn’t dive into it - he wanted the book to just be happy and silly and enjoyable. but still, i wish he would show how they’re coping a little bit more. in the bits i’ve seen of TSATS, sally mentions how percy and annabeth have horrible nightmares, which probably means percy wakes up screaming in the middle of the night. but like you said, ptsd isnt just nightmares. and adhd and dyslexia aren’t just cute little issues either. now, i will say, i don’t think their adhd is the same kind you and i have. theirs is more hyperactivity than anything. and while most people with adhd struggle with not being able to focus on one thing, i think with them it’s more that they are constantly focused on a million things (becasue that keeps them alive.) i don’t know why it matters, but i just felt like giving my thoughts on that lol.

i don’t even know what my point is anymore. basically i don’t think college will be as hard for them as you think, but i agree with you on everything else 😂

#good lord my brain just threw up #excuse me #answered ask #pjo #percabeth

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chaotic-archaeologist · 5 months

Note

My boyfriend is a jewish trans archeology student trying to get back into school after having to drop out during covid, do you have any words of advice or encouragement?

Wow, this feels a lot like being asked to give advice to my past self... if I could go back in time and say something to 2018 Reid (who was going back to school under similar circumstances, although my break from school was not pandemic induced), it would be something like this:

Ultimately, this is an exercise in trusting yourself. Initially, this may be hard to do, and that's understandable—your world has been turned upside down and school did not go how you expected it to. Forgive yourself for this. But with every class you attend, every paper you write, and every test you study for, keep in mind that you are building trust in yourself that you can do this.

Notice that I didn't tie any of those activities (going to class, writing, studying) to the grades you may be given. Yes, you need good grades to pass, but they're also not the best or only metric of your success. You may have hard months or semesters where your grades take a dip, and that's fine. What matters most is how you recover from these moments. Nobody is going to care about your GPA when you get into the real world, and grad schools care more about how you do overall than whether you managed to get a 4.0 every semester.

You're also a different person this time around. You know yourself better. You are more mature. You have survived hard things. Use that to your advantage! Nobody whose opinion is worth a damn is going to think less of you for coming back to take a second crack at this.

Take some deep breathes. Make yourself a plan. Use all of the resources at your disposal to help you succeed. Our society has instilled in us a belief that college is supposed to take four years, and that's just not true. It takes as long as it takes. Make the best out of this experience now that you're here.

-Reid

#he speaks #academic advice #life advice #internet brother #in 2018 I had no high school diploma and no college degree.#I went back to school taking a class at a time and built myself back up from there #and by god it was excruciating sometimes #but it *is* possible #and you can do it too

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roller6262 · 9 months

Text

Harvey Joins the Sikh Student Coalition

Reposting a story I wrote on cyoc.net here in multiple parts. I’ll credit other authors who contributed as their segments appear. Also, my asks are open if you want to see more changes to Harvey, or you want to transform yourself.

Next Part >

Professor Martinez strut into his classroom on the first day of the new semester, greeted by the disinterested faces of his new students. He taught the university's intro to cultural studies course, known around campus as an easy A. He was well aware that for the past few years student chose his class not because they wanted to learn, but because they wanted to boost their GPA without trying. This year, Dr. Martinez was determined to change that.

"Good morning, everyone" Dr. Martinez addressed. "I am Dr. Martinez, and welcome to Intro to Cultural Studies" he gave a satisfactory nod once a few student left the room, realizing they where in the wrong class. "Now I know a few of you have heard that this class is an easy A, but you will all be pleased to hear that is not the case" a handful of students chuckled with him while others grimaced "In this class you will learn how culture influences an individual's experiences and everyday life. However, before you learn about a culture that is not your own, you should experience it for yourself first hand". Dr. Martinez marched up and down the aisles of desks passing out papers to each student, "You are all receiving your syllabus and first project of the semester. Each of you have been assigned to a cultural organization whose culture is not your own. To complete this project, you must join the organization and complete all of the tasks I have listed on your project form. This will include attending their meetings and participating in their events. I hope you will find this project transformative, and open your mind to accept the rest of the semester's material. You may even make friends and want to become a permanent member. However, I should warn you that this project is worth a large portion of your final grade, so do take it seriously". Dr. Martinez beamed at the betrayed faces of his student who now knew they actually had to earn their grade this semester.

"You may now look at your project form to see what cultural organization you will be joining and the full list of tasks you must complete".

Harvey took a look at his project form. He was assigned to become a member of the university's Sikh Student Coalition. Harvey didn't really know what a Sikh was, a quick search on his phone showed a bunch of Indian guys in turbans. He figured he had no choice but to learn more about them. The organization's meeting was that same day and Harvey headed to the meeting once was class was finished.

Harvey considered himself a typical white young man. He had an average build, clean shaven face, fair skin and sandy blonde hair that he styled into a tall pompadour.

The Sikh Student Coalition's meeting was one of the few times he felt like the odd one in the crowd. The room was full of young Punjabi adults. All of the men, and some but not all of the women, were wearing turbans in various fashions and various vibrant colors. Though else than that they wore typical western clothing. One Sikh came to greet Harvey at the door. He was a large bear of a man who nearly towered over everyone in the room. An orange domalla style turban framed his round face. His kind smile was hidden beneath a twirled up mustache and a curly beard that sprawled down to his chest. He wore flannel, jeans, and boots.

"Hello, I'm Gurpreet Singh. Could you please sign in?" Gurpreet handed Harvey a clipboard with a sign in sheet. "I'm the new student coordinator, my job is to make all of our new members feel welcome. So if you need anything, please ask".

"Yeah, maybe you can help me" Harvey handed back the sign in sheet with his information "I'm here because of my cultural studies project. Someone's suppose to take my attendance or something".

Gurpreet called out to the crowd, " Hey, Mandeep, can you come here for a second?"

A man in a blue suite walked up to them. It looked like it was tailored to fit his slim build. His beard was rather short and had a natural point to it which accented his sharp facial features. He wore aviators and a black tie which matched his black keski style turban. "What's up Man, I'm Mandeep Singh. I'm the president of the organization, it's a pleasure to meet you" Mandeep reached his hand out for a handshake which Harvey accepted. "Say, don't I know you from somewhere?"

Harvey raised a questioning eyebrow before returning a knowing smile, "yeah, weren't we in the same marketing class?" Usually Harvey wouldn't remember anyone from his classes, but it would be hard to forget the only one wearing a turban, especially when he had such great style.

Gurpreet beamed, "This is great Harvey, you already have a friend here!" He turned to Mandeep, "Harvey is here from Dr. Martinez's class".

"Makes sense" Mandeep chuckled. The fact that Harvey was the only white guy in the room was not lost on him, "As president, Dr. Martinez has trusted me to verify that you complete all of the tasks in your project. As long as you follow my instruction I'll make sure you pass. I've got you marked down for attendance, Gurpreet do you have the patka?" Gurpreet pulled out a black cloth.

"Patka?" Harvey asked, "What's that for?"

"Didn't you read the project form? You're required to wear clothing that represents our culture when you're at our meetings. I asked Dr. Martinez if you could just wear one of our club shirts, but he insisted you wear a turban"

"Can't you just say I wore it?" Harvey looked at Mandeep pleadingly, who returned a sympathetic expression.

"I wish I could, but if I'm caught lying to faculty, our organization could get in trouble. I won't force you to wear it, but I don't think you'll pass if you don't".

"Fine" Harvey Sighed, "I'll wear it" Gurpreet Helped Harvey tie his hair into a bun at the top of his head and then tied the cloth around it into a patka.

A group of girls in the room giggled to themselves when they saw Harvey. He felt humiliated! When the meeting started Gurpreet sat next to Harvey, and Mandeep stood at the front of the room to facilitate the meeting. Gurpreet would occasionally clarify words and phrases for Harvey that non-sikhs typically wouldn't know, though Harvey was only half paying attention. Once Mandeep declared that the Meeting was over, Harvey left and bolted to his dorm. He couldn't wait to escape that embarrassment.

That night when Harvey went to the bathroom to brush his teeth, he saw he was still wearing the turban in the mirror. "Oh god" he mumbled to himself. He forgot to take it off when he left the club meeting. So many people must have seen him wearing it when he was running back to his dorm! His face flushed red and he hoped that no one recognized him. Harvey quickly untied the cloth and his hair, but in the mirror he also saw a shadow of facial hair. Strange as he thought he had shaved just that morning. He shrugged and decided he'd just have to shave again tomorrow morning. Tired, he stored the patka in his wardrobe for next week's meeting and went to sleep.

#Harvey to Harpinder #male transformation #race change #male tf #reality change #mental change #sikh tf

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theroyalthrones · 3 months

Text

Behind the Scenes | Various Locations | Rosiers, Toulon, Orillia

beginning | previous | next

script below↓↓

The leaves are falling as Francesca walks. The air is crisp in a way that Francesca had never been used to. Having grown up in the more so humid and warm weather of Castellon. Her little sister is chirping at her on the phone. She will miss these times, Just as she misses the times before the present.

Leandra] Yeah, and my friend’s having a birthday party this weekend. I wanted to go but I don’t no if Papa will let me.

F] chuckles Don’t worry Lea, I’lll convince him.

L] I don’t think you can, he’s already asleep. He’s been sleepy a lot!

F] I’ve got my ways…

As she walks, she can feel people staring at her. They are afar, but they are whispering. As she walks up toward the steps of the building, someone bumps into her. Her things clatter to the ground, but the assailant does not help her pick things up.

Person] watch were you’re going, you gold digging leech.

She feels her cheeks burning, but does nothing instead of walking forward toward her counselors office.

C] Ms. Ortega, there really isn’t anything to complain about. You are on track with a high gpa, and a possibility of early graduation if you keep up the good work.

F]Thank you mr.-

C] but your grades currently… I notice a slip since the semester began.

C] Whoever you might be associating yourself with, might not be in your best interests academically. People like you need to work harder. If things keep going in this direction, Post Graduate options might dwindle.

F] Y-Yes I understand.

C] I hope you do.

The sky is dark, it’s been raining all evening. Lucian and Francesca have been sitting in the library, studying for exams. it’s Finals week, of their sophomore year in school. They’re sectioned off a corner of the busy library. They’ve been there since the morning, and the cluttered desk makes that evident.

Francesca phone rings, it echos in the quiet space. She picks it up and whispers.

F] Lea, I can’t-

L] crying Cesca, it’s dad.

She barely registers the words, she’s up before she can even think. Lucian looks up at her puzzled. She’s hyperventilating, she’s crying.

L] Francesca, what?-

F] My dad- cries harder I-

L] Can you walk?

He carts her over to the door.

L] you need to be there.

F] mmhmm she barely makes out

he cups her face in his hand. he forces her to look at him, to focus on what he’s going to say.

L] Listen, Everything’s going to be ok- you’ll be ok. I’m going to make sure of that, ok Francesca?

F]cries harder

They are now at the airport. They rush in to the check-in area. Things are chaotic in the airport like they always are. Lucian pulls her hand, and spins her around to face him.

14-16

L] Are you sure I can’t come?

F] Yes, Stay. It’s finals, you must take them.

L] But yours-

F] I’ll figure it out, Luc.

L]… I love you, Cesca.

They kiss, and he watches her go. It’s 2093, and little does he know that this will be the last time he sees her in person since that fateful day in the news room, 6 years from then (2099).

Weeks pass as she is in Castellon.

She waits for hours in hospitals that feel like asylums. She is anxious always, she feels the clock ticking. This is a waiting game, her father, in a condition neither thought would be possible.

She is with her sister at times too. Eating dinners in hospital cafeterias after picking her up from school. This is just as hard for Leandra as it is for Cesca. Leandra being the one to find him collapsed.

She has also been feeling increasing sick. She looks and feels terrible in fact. She is fighting symptoms of pregnancy, but of course she does not know that yet. She is also throwing up, and showing signs of pregnancy(and in the details of the post. Show bottles of medicines and stiff)

The doctors come in to announce what had already been in the back of her mind for days now.

D] It’s lung Cancer.

F] shocked gasp C-Cancer?

D] He’s in the fourth stage, Ms. Ortega. It’d be best to get his affairs in order, as he might…

The sentence blurrs out because, No, she isn’t listening. An overwhelming piercing sound overwhelms her. She is in shock, the last parent she has in the world is dying. And it’s too late to save him. In the room full of doctors, Francesca Ortega Collapses.

She wakes up, she herself is in a hospital bed of her own. A nurse who happens to be in the room, rushes to her side. She tries to speak.

F]Wh- What am I?

N] There’s no need to worry. You collapsed due to dehydration and fatigue. Ms. Ortega, were you aware of the pregnancy?

F] Pregn-?

N] Pregnancy—Yes, you are going to have a child, Ms. Ortega.

This shocks Francesca of course, on top of everything, she is also pregnant. Of course things start clicking into place.

“I’m pregnant” she thinks.

Of course, she has been feeling nasceous, sick, fatigued,etc. all of the normal ailments that something like this could cause. She thought it was because of the stress of her father. Of course she understands now, And this understand makes her panic. How is her life going to be even more fucked up than it already has become? How will she go to graduate school with a mortage to pay for? How will she become what she wants with two children to raise(her little sister)? Her life is forever messed up, and how could she wreck his?

She decides she wont, she won’t say a thing. A few months later she begins to show, she’s on the phone with Lucian, who is none the wiser. (in the shot, show her with a close up on the phone, and then a wide show with her huge belly)

L] Nick is on my ass about trying out for the team next year. I don’t think I will.

F]…

L] My parents are forcing me to figure out my degree. It’s not like I haven’t thought about it, It’s just that…

(fade off, next slide is the next part)

F] Are you excited for the semester?

L] I can’t be, not if you’re not there.

F] she laughs I can’t promise you that.

L] Are you alright, Cesca?

F] couldn’t be better. fake gleefulness

Standing in the hall of the hospital (another day). A Leandra rushed up to her, saying her father is awake.

She runs to his room, Leandra snuggles up to him. he’s laying in the bed, he’s laying with his eyes open, but he can’t speak. He doesn’t move as she gets close to him, and Cesca knows. She walks up to the bed, and lays her head on his chest. She cries.

F] crying Papa

P] Oh, La luz de mis ojos [The light of my eyes]

F] crying somore

P] I’m sorry for all the trouble i’ve caused, You’ll see. This will be behind all of us.

The scene changes, it’s nighttime. Leandra is sleeping in the bed with her father still. Francesca is sitting in a chair close to the bed. She is also dozing but is quickly awaken by the sound of a loud, singular screech. It’s the heart monitor, he’s dying.

beepppppp

F]waking up Papa?

Nurses rush into the room, it’s chaos after that. Cesca scoops her sister into her arms, as the nurses rush around (***use the motion filter on ps). ****The girls stand apart from the chaos. Francesca is shaking, she is scared. Her world has forever changed.

Fully pregnant now, in her second trimester, the girls are in a small church, they are alone in the pews. The only sign of a funeral is the large wreaths and image of their father smiling happily. And the Casket at the front. She is staring blankly, nothing is quite feeling. She feels a buzzing in her bag, it’s a call from Lucian. She see’s this as she stares at her phone.

She goes outside of the place, she stands alone outside in a dark atmosphere of rain and cloudiness.

L] Francesca! You haven’t answered any of my calls!

F] I’m sorry… things have been busy.

L] You’re voice sounds rough… Is everything ok, Cesca?

F] hoarse laugh I love you, Lucian. You know I do?

L] chuckling Why does it sound like you’re saying goodbye?

F] I am.

L] laughing now Sure, I love you too.

She stands in the hallway, the atmosphere darker than ever. She knows that’s the last time they will speak.

Time goes on like it always does. We see shots of her kissing her sister on their way to school. She runs off excitedly.

We see Cesca working at multiple jobs, A barista, a cashier.

We see them surviving, we see them laughing. We see her even more pregnant than the last time. (*maybe in a shot with her being in her third trimester with that skin detail. And in a crop top)

In one of the last scenes, she is at work. Fully pregnant and doing her job. She hunches over in pain, clutching her stomach. Possibly show a bit of blood trickling down her legs. Francesca yells in pain.

She is rushed in an ambulance, the lights are flashing. At the hospital nurses are rushing in and out. All she can do is cry, all she can do is scream.

F] NO! No-nooo

The screams fade to black, They are now back in the present. This clip will be brief. They are now in Francesca’s apartment. sitting on the floor or something. They are both crying, Francesca and Lucian.

F] through the tears Are you happy now? 6 whole years later.

L]also crying…

F] I’ve tried, Luc. To protect— I- there is no amount of words to describe this pain… I feel. How did you not notice, Luc?

L] I didn’t—…I-

F] He is- Was yours, Lucian.

L] crying intensified Mine? My?… (clearly in shock)

L] sobbing…

F] leave. GET OUT LUCIAN, LEAVE! Please. crying

he gets up, and leaves. this is it, they’re done.

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clearlydiamondz · 2 years

Text

The Game

Erik!Stevens x Black!Reader

Part One

- - - - - - - - - -

Erik being the most popular person at Texas Southern University, he has his heart set on a particular girl.

- - - - - - - - - -

(Y/N thrived to be the best student she could possibly be. Straight A’s with a 4.4 GPA. She sacrificed everything for her to have straight A’s. Sleepless nights, early mornings, majorette practice classes and everything else. Sometimes she just wanted to experience the full college experience. This semester she was determined to not only keep a good student record, but to make last year of college the most memorable.

“Girl, you have no idea how happy. I am to be out of those damn dorms.” her bestfriend/ roommate Omariana exclaimed, helping her put the groceries in the refrigerator. She was mostly excited about the fact that she can have more privacy. It was like she was claustrophobic them damn dorm rooms.

“I’m telling you, shit was so tight inn there you could barely move.” she chuckled before Omariana smirked at her.

“So you remember when we were talking last week and you told me that you wanted to do more this year?” she said leaning on the counter, (Y/N) looked up at her and nodded. “KJ is throwing a small kick back. We are going.” (Y/N) nearly had a heart attack. She said that but she ain’t know the goal was starting this early.

“Tonight? You know I have to go on campus and-” (Y/N) was cut off short by Omariana placing her finger over her lips making a shh noise.

“This will probably by the only time you are really free, and not just giving yourself random shit to do. We are going and we are going to look. Especially you Ms.Thing. Done got a lil thick on me.” she said smacking her butt.

Over the summer, (Y/N) really got into more shape. Being a dancer, she was naturally it but now she had a lot more figure and a lot more ass.

It caught some off guard, she was a little more put together and she was living for it. “Girl stop before you make me act up.” (Y/N) jokingly said.

“Mhm, well ion know about you but I need to get an outfit tonight. You coming with?” Omariana asked as she nodded.

- - - - - - - - - -

Erik sat in his bestfriends, Jakeen, living room smoking one of the blunt that he brought with him. With all the moving, traveling back and forth between Oakland and Houston, he was happy to finally be at a holt.

“Damn, are you passing or what?” Erik shot a glare at the nigga that ‘if you don’t leave me the fuck alone’ look.

“Ion share my shit. Ion even know you like that.” Jakeen’s friend from one of his program engineering course was over visiting.

“Can y’all not do this right now, damn.” Jakeen said. “Monte you ain’t bring your own?” he said. Monte smacked his lips. “I should have a dime and a blunt on my dresser..” Jakeen said sitting across from Erik.

“Are you going to KJ’s tonight?” Jakeen asked Erik, while scrolling through Instagram.

“Hell yeah, it’s been a minute since we’ve chilled and smoke with each other.” Erik said, taking the extra ash of the blunt.

“Damn, have you seen Omariana ole friend?” he asked her. Erik looked up at him.

“Uh, (Y/N) right? What about her?” Jakeen handed his phone to Erik, Erik took it.

“Damn...” he whispered to himself. It was Omariana’s page. It was a picture of the both of them in their new apartment holding keys. Omariana sat on the counter laughing as (Y/N) had her back facing the camera but her head was turned to the side, so he saw her side profile, she was also laughing. It looked as if the picture was taken off guard.

He didn’t really know much about her, he knew that she was on the majorette team, she made deans list every single time and she was on the debate team. She was definitely a scholar, but she always wore baggy clothes, stood to herself, not really going to parties and what not. The only reason she was really known was because she was on the dance and debate team. And she was one of the good looking girls on campus.

He also knew her because she was once close friends to a old friend of his.

“She got hella thick.” he said handing the phone back.

“I might have to hit up Omariana. It’s been a minute since we linked.” Jakeen said, smirking to himself. Jakeen and Omariana were the true definition of a toxic pair. They were on and off, arguing, having sex, would argue some more, than act like none of that shit happened or they were so in love with each other.

“I thought you were done with her.” Erik chuckled.

“Shit, me too. Until I caught wind of her talking to one of her ex’s back home. Now I wanna see what’s up.” he said. Jakeen was a true definition of menace.

- - - - - - - - - -

“Do my make up look okay?” (Y/N) asked, walking into their shared living room. Omariana nodded. “Okay, good. Where everyone at?” she asked going into the kitchen.

“I just let them into the front gate, they wanted to come see the new apartment.”

Their group of friends consisted of Brandy, Travis, Kia and Kobe. Kia and Kobe were fraternal twins. Kia and Brandy are also on the dance team. Kobe is also on the debate. Kobe and Brandy have been in a relationship since freshmen year.

Then there was Travis. Where to begin with him. He was on the football team. He had his fair share of ladies but (Y/N) couldn’t help but have the biggest crush on him for the past three years. Sadly, an old friend told him about it. He reached out to her and told her that he wasn’t interested in her like that due to her not being his type. He told her that being friends was the best thing for the both of them.

Obviously it caught her off guard because she had no intensions on ever telling him about the small crush but she ended up just saying that she understood.

After that encounter, their friendship wasn’t the same. What could she do? Apart of her was nervous, but the other wanted to show him how she was. With this new found confidence, she felt comfortable enough to have a conversation with him.

There was a knock on the door, Omariana stood up and walked over to the door to open it. As soon as she opened the door, noise filled the apartment. “Ohh this is nice!” Kia exclaimed walking into the apartment looking around. The other three piled in. “Oh my God, you look so good!” Kia exclaimed hugging (Y/N).

“Thank you, you do too.” she said to her. After they all said their greetings, except Travis who still yet has to say something to her, Omariana decided to give them a small tour. (Y/N) decided to stay in the kitchen and tidy up. She heard footsteps and saw Travis walking towards the kitchen. She looked up at him and smiled. “What’s up, big head?” he said, walking closer to her.

“What’s up withchu.” she said as he sighed shrugging his shoulders. “You know, working, training, staying on my grind you. You know how it is.”

“How about you? I’ve seen you done changed on me. You ain’t four-eyed no mo.” he said looking her up and down.

It was an understatement to say that he was checking her out. How could he not? Over the summer she did post on her snap. Her occasional selfie. Motivational quotes. But she had stopped posting on her Instagram and Tiktok. She really was on her shit now.

She kissed her teeth. “Boy bye. I still wear my glasses. I just got contacts so where I’m dancing they don’t fall.” she told him as he raised an eyebrow at her.

“Attitude? Yeah you most definitely changed up on me.” he said. He bit his lip before saying, “But you do look good though.” she knew that look. He gave that look to the girls he was trying to get at.

“I know but thank you.” she smiled at him.

The confidence she showed was something that he never saw in her. She really did change, and he was feeling it.

The others came from Omariana’s room. He wanted to talk to her some more but he was interrupted.

“Y’all ready?” she asked stepping from the kitchen and walking passed him He smelled her scent that lingered behind her. If there was one thing that he liked was a girl that smelled good.

“Yeah let’s head out.”

- - - - - - - - - -

Erik gave one look to his outfit to see if he looked good. He wore a pair of black jeans, a yellow Nike hoodie with a pair of yellow, black and white Air Jordans 4 Retros. A gold bottom grill and his stud earrings. He walked up to the house opening the door to see his friend Ty in the kitchen.

“Damn nigga, you late.” Ty said as Erik shrugged.

“I got high and fell asleep.” he looked around to see only a few people in the living room. They were listening to music, drinking and smoking. He recognized a couple of people there, a girl or two had a fling with. A couple of the dudes bought weed from him. He even saw his ex Aliyah with a roll of her eyes.

The front door opened, Jakeen and Monte walked in. They saw the two in the kitchen before they walked into the kitchen. Jakeen dapped KJ up before introducing the two.

“Who else coming?” Erik asked. He was not looking forward to this kick back turning into a party.

“Travis and his people are coming over. That should be it. I tried to keep it low as possible.” he told him. Just the sound o his name made Erik clench his jaw in anger.

“That nigga comin?” Erik asked.

Erik and Travis used to be friends. That was until over the summer Travis got with the ex Aliyah. Travis said it was a mistake and he was drunk. His ex, Aliyah claimed that the both of them were drunk. She was lonely because he was spending most of his time in Oakland over the summer.

He completely lost his shit.

“I thought you weren’t coming, so I invited him. And he’s bringing Omariana Kia and (Y/N).” he said, Erik rolled his eyes. Erik was about to say something but the front door opened. In poured the group but (Y/N). Erik didn’t even want to be in his presence but he wasn’t going to move to make it seem like he was bothered by him. “What’s up?” Brandy set placing the liquor on the counter. “I got drinks!”

“Aye that’s what’s up.” KJ said, opening the bag to see three bottle of Henny and a bottle of patron. “Where is (Y/N)?” KJ asked.

“She’s outside emailing her English teacher.” Travis said. Just the sound of his voice made made him want to throw a punch at his face.

Right on cue, the door opened and in she walked. Erik couldn’t lie, she got his attention. She had on a pair of black ripped shorts, a white tube top that read “Mi amore” in red with a black red and white 90′s styled varsity jacket. She wore and a pair of white black red and white high top Air Jordans with Nike socks. Her braids sat in a high pony tail on the top of her head with her edges freshly done.

“Okay, I know some of y’all don’t know her or haven’t talked to her but this is (Y/N).” Omariana replied as she waved.

“What’s up with you, ma?” Erik said smiling at her. He was expecting her to blush or even giggle but she just smiled at him.

He saw Travis giving him the most dirtiest look ever. That’s when it hit him. That nigga wanted to at her. His while attitude changed when Erik spoke to her. He thought it was hilarious actually. He remembers the day that Travis told him about what he felt about (Y/N) liking him.

“Bro honestly, she ain’t even my type at all. She’s a good friend and all, but I could never fuck with her.”

“Well I don’t know about y’all, but I’m about to go smoke.” Kobe said grabbing Brandy leading her to the back porch.

Everyone was spready through the house leaving Travis, Erik, Jakeen and Omariana and (Y/N) in the kitchen.

“So Travis, you ready for the season.” KJ asked him, sipping out of one of the solo cups. Travis nodded.

“Yeah, finna make this year count. I heard some scouts are going to be at the games more often. I might be getting some contracts.” he said boldly.

“Damn, NFL? That’s what’s up.”

Erik chuckled. Half of the time this nigga was keeping a bench warm but okay.

“Something funny, Erik?” he asked him as Erik looked back at him smirking. “Nah, I’m just thinking of something.”

“How about y’all two?” Jakeen asked the girls changing the subject. Omariana shook her head.

“Competitions are going to have me beat. This break feels like it wasn’t enough.” (Y/N) chuckled hearing that.

“Ion know about her but I am.” (Y/N) said, “I’m just not ready for dancing in this hot ass heat.” she said, a little laughter being hared. Erik noticed she had a little southern accent.

“I like your accent, where you from?” he asked her.

“I’m from Memphis.” she said smiling back at him.

“Hmm, that explains it.” Erik said looking her up and down.

“Aye, (Y/N). Come outside with me real quick.” Travis spoke up. She looked up at him confusingly. Erik smirked to himself. Yeah, he knew he had the nigga shaken.

“Yeah, I’ll be right back,” she said. She followed him outside, Erik waited till they were out the door before looking at Omariana. “Aye, Mari. What’s up with her? She gotta man?” he asked her as she talk to her.

”No but you ain’t finna talk to her. And what did I tell you about calling me that.” she said to him. Erik rolled his eyes.

“Damn I can’t even-”

“You damn right you can’t. You must have forgotten, girl talk on the team. And there has been a lot of drama surrounding you.” she pointed at him as he kissed his teeth.

“Aye, there is something I wanted to show,” he said to her. She glared at Erik one more time before the two of them left. Now it was Ty and him in the kitchen. KJ looked at him before Erik stared back.

“The hell are you looking at?”

“Nigga I know what you’re doing. That’s fucked up,” he said, Erik rolled his eyes.

“No, but what is fucked up is the nigga fucking my girlfriend,” Erik said in a matter of fact tone. “Plus, I actually wanna fuck with her. She’s cute and I know it’s gonna fuck with him.” he said shrugging his shoulders. To him, it was like killing two birds with one stone. He could get back at him and he can shoot his shot with a baddie. Win win.

Meanwhile outside, the two of them walked out to his jeep. “Everything good Travis?” she asked him as he nodded.

“Yeah, I needed some air. It was stuffy.” he answered. She nodded. She was confused though.

“I thought you and Erik were friends. Why y’all ain’t talked?”

He tensed up once he heard that, but slowly calmed down. “We fell out over the summer.” he mumbled looking down at his all white air forces, her tone softened.

“I’m sorry Travis. Is that why you ain’t wanna be in there?” she said as he looked up at the night sky.

“Apart of it.” he said. It looked as he didn’t want to talk about it so she just left it alone. After the two of them was in silence. She leaned up against his jeep with him. “I gotta question?” she looked up at him as he looked down at her.

“Why did you stop talking tome after you found out?” she asked him as he groaned. “I’m serious. I think I deserve an answer.”

“I felt like once you told me that, I couldn’t really look at you the same. It was like, she probably doesn’t wanna talk to me anymore but I just did it first.” he said.

“Ugh, I was so mad. I never intended to tell you. Like I was so mad that Aliyah went out her way just to say something. I hope we can get back from where we started. And I promise my little crush is gone.” she smiled at him. A little part of him was hurt to hear that but he didn’t let that show.

“You sure? Gotta make sure it’s all gone.” he joked, but he was a little serious. He was hoping that there was still a little bit of feelings left for him. Maybe she’d say,

“Well I still have some feelings for you.”

“Positive. I just want my friend back.” Is what she ended up saying. It hurt but maybe he could get her back.

“Bet.” he smiled as she smiled back.

“Travis!” They looked up and saw Aliyah walking over to where they were.

“And that’s my cue to leave.” she stood up right. She didn’t know that they knew each other like that, but assuming how Erik and Aliyah use they date, they could have known each other.

Aliyah walked up and (Y/N) was about to leave but she said,

“Damn no hey. No what’s up?” she asked (YN). (Y/N) looked at her one good time before saying hi and leaving to inside the house. She walked pass the kitchen straight to the backyard. Thankfully there was no one.

She heard the slide door open, turning around and seeing Erik standing there with two cups. He offered her one.

“No thanks, I don’t-” she stopped herself. “Actually, thanks.” she grabbed it out of his grasp. She took a sip of it wincing at burn it caused in her throat.

“I hope this isn’t your first drink.; he said as she nodded.

“It is. I told myself that this year I will learn how to manage my school and my social life.” she told him.

“Ight, I can drink to that.” hey did a cheer and drunk what they had.

“So what’s the deal between you and Travis?” he asked her. She shrugged her shoulders.

“Nothing, why you ask?” she asked him.

“Well you seemed a little close and I thought-”

“No, we are just close friends.” she said, he raised an eyebrow at her.

“So you’re not seeing anyone.” he asked her as she shook her head. “Hmm, lemme get your number.” she chuckled.

“I don’t think so.” she responded. That response caught him off guard. He was not use to girls turning him down.

“I know about you, you have gotten with some of my teammates. And there is a lot of drama surrounding you.” It almost felt like this was deja vu.

“Fair, friends?” he said smiling at her.

“I feel like I’m making friends with the devil.”

- - - - - - - - - -

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