if i think about the hunger games in peeta's perspective i WILL start sobbing

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

something something Paul the son who was supposed to be a daughter, supposed to be the mother of the apotheosis and not the apotheosis himself, a prophecy fulfilled but just slightly to the left

something something Alia the daughter who should have been, except she came out Wrong, her mind playing host to generations of women and also her weird dead grandfather for some reason

something something siblings who get described as two halves of the same person, who could communicate when one of them was still inside the womb, both of them arrived before their time and not what anyone expected

playing around with future donnie’s design and all i can say for sure is this:

1) lose an arm gain three

2) dies

Every letter addressed to Jonah Magnus just sounds like several men of good high standing who he’s tricked into giving him their knowledge money and affections realizing that they’ve fallen for a succubus but they can’t find it in them to hate him too hard- like do you know what I mean??? I know it’s just the old timey way of speaking but every statement just sounds like “please my evil twink, I beseech you!” Like this is why I can only imagine him as like very Dorian Gray-esque in my head. Please someone tell me I’m not crazy for thinking this that’s literally their evil bbg that’s sucked them for all they’re worth and thrown em away

were you his boy? were you his number one boy?

something something nate quietly quitting his high profile job because his line of work (rupert) wanted him to hurt the person he loves (jade) in the episode prior something something trent crimm quietly blowing up his life and getting himself fired from his high profile job because his line of work (journalism) wanted him to hurt the person he loves (ted) in the episode prior

no thoughts just Heiji Hattori (HD)

I don’t want to say this where this comment was added because while it was rb’ed from me, the root post isn’t mine and I don’t want to drag op in a circus tent. Do we really need to put homophobic on the highest shelf up from the tik tok folks?

This is about Kethric and ????? Homophobic coded??? Statistically and logically speaking, there are going to be queer people that you do not get along with and that you don't like in real life. That's just the way people are. And it's not because we're queer, it's because we're human

Kethric doesn’t hate Aylin because she’s a lesbian. He despises her because she is the child of Selûna, because he believes that she corrupted Isobel - not with queer cooties but with the love of a goddess who he felt betrayed him

If Aylin was a man, the hatred would not be diluted at all

I love that doctor who writers have the ability to just create any lore. Anything they can dream up with practically no reprecussions. and they abuse the hell out of it (as they should!!) listening to an audiobook, and i am now having to cope with the fact that Icelandic people are aliens. shit man... sure! Why not?

ted & paul & coffee

the guy who didn't like musicals by matt and nick lang and jeff blim // hey, melissa! by matt and nick lang // in the country of resurrection by ada limón // coffee poem by richard brautigan // still life paintings by rachel petruccillo // tumblr user jacebeleren

OMG Oliver, why did you lie? why did you tell me that your parents were addicts and dealers? that you didn't have siblings? why would you say that your father died? you came to my door crying and telling me a story about how your dad died in an awful way. Why?

Oliver, being completely honest:

who do you think taught him those pick-up lines ?

Vincent gets used to [Halloween Town] in small increments. Here, he blends into the environment so well that residents are surprised to find him a newcomer.

…

He speaks with the Werewolf, avoids the awe-struck vampires and listens to the band in the evening, perching on the light pole to overlook the sprawling township.

-Smoke and Mirrors Keep Us Waitin' On A Miracle by Gothams_Only_Wolf (@bamfcoyotetango ) on Ao3

I’ve been rereading some of my older Ao3 bookmarks and idk what possessed me, but I had to draw something for this one lmaooo

There's a certain brand of online leftist who thinks that being insufferably condescending towards other leftists for not being leftist enough on the internet is the same as praxis

The aroaspec experience of ‘Is this romantic attraction or just platonic. What even is attraction. Where is the line. Help.’ and then proceeding to question societal norms of attraction for a while without coming to any actual conclusion to your question.