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furiousgoldfish · 28 days

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Abusers gaslighting you will most often be about a situation where they did something wrong, cruel, hurtful and abusive, very much intentionally, and then their version of the story switches the blame on you, it depicts you as being the one who is cruel, hurtful and abusive, or alternatively, you're cruel hurtful and abusive for remembering the situation or calling them out for their behaviour, when they claim none of this even happened. If the abusers often gaslight you and try to make you second-guess your own memories and senses, eventually you will struggle with trusting your senses and feel like you can't trust your own memory and have to take on their version. But here's some reasons why gaslighting can be caught onto and confirmed that it doesn't make any logical sense.

If this person/people are claiming that I am the one who is continually hurtful, cruel and abusive, why are they insisting on keeping me in their life? Why do they keep taking measures to make sure I can't get away or am dependant on them, if they truly find me selfish, hurtful, insane, and abusive? Wouldn't they want to make way for me to get away from them, instead of endlessly convincing me that I'm the one who is in the wrong in every single situation?

If I am remembering things wrong, how come it's only the memories where my abuser/s look bad? All memories where they look good are somehow correct, that can't be right? If I remember things wrong, it would be both good and bad, not only situations that make them feel bad about themselves.

If these people seriously believe I'm someone who invents crazy stories of abuse, cruelty and torture, how do they still feel safe interacting with me? Aren't they worried I'll suddenly come up with an imaginary scenario telling everyone they did something horrible to me that they didn't do? Why don't they keep away from me if they truly believe me to be such a freak?

If I am truly someone who is doing awful and abusive things to these people/this person, how come it's never called out until I come out calling them out first? Why is my behaviour only addressed after I speak out first? How come it's never a problem all the other time when I'm not actively trying to figure out what the truth is? How come it's only relevant when they'd like me to shut up and stop asking questions and asking them to acknowledge reality? And then suddenly I am a problem. If I am a problem, I'd be a problem the entire time, not only in specific situations that they want to get out of.

If these people truly believe that I am losing my memories, inventing new memories, can't be counted on to remember the past correctly, or to comprehend and understand what is going on around me, why wouldn't they be concerned about this, and try to get me help? If they truly believe I have memory distortions and reality distortions, wouldn't they want to make sure I'm getting some kind of help, that I'm being supported to get a better grip on reality? How come this is only an issue for them, but no concern for me, other than me being condescendingly told to 'get help' or that I need to be 'institutionalized', in order to scare me, is that how loving people react to their loved one losing grip on reality? People are deadly worried for their loved ones who are losing the sense of reality, this usually happens due to a serious brain disease and people struggling with it can no longer safely take care of themselves; it's a cause for concern and extra care. Yet they show no inclination to want to care or help at all for this perceived 'problem' they claim I'm having, and use it to scare me into believing that this is my own fault. Does It make sense for them to react with such relish and condescension if they believe that this problem is real? Wouldn't they only act like this if they invented this idea in order to hide their abusive behaviour behind the lie that I remember things wrong, and need to shut up about it?

If I remembered things wrong, that would be a discussion, we could sit and talk about how I remembered things and why, instead of my version being shut down and me being told off for even voicing it, that is not a normal reaction. In what situation is a person who 'remembers things wrong' not even allowed to speak their own memories? Why would it be bad that these 'wrongly remembered' events ever come to light? Wouldn't it be interesting to know, if someone remembered something completely wrong, to hear their version? Rather than being dead-set on shutting that down, like those memories are an active threat for their well being.

It doesn't make sense. If abusers truly believe that you're a person disconnected from reality, who is also cruel, selfish, abusive and unreliable in every way, then they would react very differently to you than they do. If they had a truly bad opinion of you, and you were a harmful person to their well being, they would not want to keep you around, they would not dare to take their shit out on you, they would not dare to tell you what to do, how to think, what to believe, they'd be scared. But they're not. They're instead acting like they're right to control your every movement and thought, and right to tell you which of your memories you're allowed to remember and voice.

Their behaviour suggests there's something in your memories they're dead set on suppressing and hiding, even at the cost of your own sanity. That is not a behaviour of loving, concerned, innocent people.

#gaslighting #dismantling abuse #psychological abuse #self doubt #emotional abuse #darvo

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mochinek0 · 6 months

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Daminette December 2023: 7-In a League of their Own (SUB)

Damian sat in his apartment trying to empty his mind. His girlfriend, Marinette Dupain-Cheng, was the most amazing person he ever met. He was still shocked she agreed to date him. Today was one of those days when he thought he was just holding her back from greatness.

'Marinette deserves better than me. She's smart, tactical, and crafty. You would think Mother or Father trained her.'

'Not only is she smart, but she can cook and bake. I'm still learning. I'm sure there's day she wishes she could have a home cooked meal. I can only take her out to resturants or make her breakfast. She makes the most amazing dinners! Everything she makes tastes delicious. Anyone would be lucky to eat her food everyday.'

'She's an amazing business woman. Marinette is practically running her own company and I don't even have full control of Wayne Enterprise! She isn't afraid to tell people off. Mother would have loved her commanding presence. Everyone, including Father, is scared of me.'

'Maybe I should break up with her.'

Damian's thoughts were broken when he doorbell went of continuously.

'Who could that be? Must be Grayson.'

Damian opened the door to see his girlfriend standing there in tears.

'What the fuck?'

Marinette lunged into his arms.

"Who-" he began to demand.

"It's been a really bad day." Marinette cried into his arms, "Can I just stay with you? I always feel better when I'm with you."

Damian took a deep breath and pushed his anger down, for another time.

"Of course." he spoke.

Damian picked her up and set her down on the couch. As she wiped her tears away, he began to take off her shoes and her coat. He went into the kitchen and grabbed her a glass of water to rehydrate and ordered some of her favorite take out, along with her favorite ice cream.

"So, what happened?" he questioned, handing her the water.

Marinette had went on to explain how there had been mix up with a few orders. A person she had fired had put in the orders and when they hadn't come in on time, she called the company only to find out that person had cancelled the orders. Once she told them that person had been fired months ago, they quickly put in motion to send the fabric and other items needed. Unfortunately for her, one of the clients pulled out of her services because of that claiming she was incompetent at her job. That had only been the morning. She had worked through her lunch to tackle anything her ex-employee had touched and caleld companies to ensure that the previous person didn't dictate her orders and informed them of any changes or wrong-doings the person had done. After that, she had to get her lawyers involved as the person was order fabrics under her name and Marinette had never received them. With all the invoices from the companies, her lawyer was sure it would be a clean sweep.

A knock at the door drew their attention away from each other.

"I'll get it." Damian offered.

When he checked the peep hole, he saw the delivery driver holding up the bag of food. He unlocked the door and took the bag. When he turned around, he could see she was surprised to see him holding up food. Marinette just looked at him with tears in her eyes and smiled. Damian quickly set the food down and rushed to her side.

"Is everything okay?" he asked.

Marinette kissed him, leaving him stunned.

"You are the most amazing boyfriend ever." Mari declared, "I'm sure anyone else would be jealous to know my boyfriend is in a league all of his own."

Damian kissed her back, "You may think so, but you Angel are in a league above me."

Marinette cuddled into his arms.

'We can eat the food he got in a few moments.'

TAGLIST: @maribat-calendar-events@animeweebgirl@a-star-with-a-human-name@meme991001@vixen-uchiha@abrx2002@alysrose-starchild@fandom-trapped-03@dood-space@moonlightstar64@saltymiraculer@marveldcedits20@09shell-sea09@icerosecrystal@animegirlweeb@insane-fangirl-of-everything@blueblossombliss@nickristus-dreamer@megawhitleycalderonpaganus@missmadwoman@meira-3919@princessdaisysolosyourfaves@blep-23@fangirlingfanatic@darkhinauniverse@ravenr22@im-a-satanic-ritual@ravennm84@bianca-hooks123@a-slytherinish-gryffindor@starling218

#daminette december 2023 #daminette #damian wayne #marinette dupain cheng #damian x marinette #marinette x damian #self doubt #insecurity #overthinking #safe space #in a league of their own #mlb x dc #mochinek0

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artist-ellen · 2 months

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Two Historical Fashions Coloring books!

They are available now on Amazon (kdp makes self-publishing really attainable for a small creator like me), but if you have an idea for a better way let me know!

I'm always looking for feedback and ways to improve the things I can offer. Even though I know it's a little silly since I draw everything myself I don't want to be some sort of grifter who asks you guys for money for low effort stuff. I know I put a lot of time and energy in to my work, there's just no way for me to print and ship anything myself. I've heard good things about Printify, Printful and things but I wanna know what you guys want. I respect your opinions and want to make things you want.

Is this a problem I made in my own head? Maybe. But my indecisiveness is often my downfall. I think for the next coloring book I'll make one of fictional fashions. Maybe some knights and ladies? What do you think about that?

#coloring books #self doubt #please help #i wanna be good to you #okay that made me laugh #ellenart #ellen artistic #adult coloring book #business advice #please

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dk-thrive · 7 months

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I'm worried about art, what it's for, whether what I do is any use to anyone, whether I've been kidding myself all these years that I'm any good at it, that I've got anything at all to offer the human race, whether I should just chuck it in and look for a job.

— Helen Garner, One Day I'll Remember This: Diaries 1987–1995 (Text Publishing Company, October 12, 2021)

#Helen Garner #write #writer #writing #art #doubt #confidence #self doubt

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marypaol · 2 months

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So Close Yet So Far Away

Draco Malfoy x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Panic attacks, anxiety, self doubt, relationship doubt, negative thoughts, angst :(

Summary: Reader has a panic attack and Draco helps her.

Note: I’m so sorry I haven’t posted a story in a while, it was for some reason taking me forever to finish it even though I had it all planned out. Thanks for the patience. :) And no mention of Y/N if that’s okay! Have a wonderful day and enjoy! 😉

-Also I had to put this gif, he looks so sad! :(

___

She thought they were good. She thought he was good. She thought she was good…Wasn’t she?

That was the same set of questions or thoughts that ran through her mind each morning when his fingers no longer brushed her waist and at night when his cold back faced her.

Was it something she was doing? Something she said and it happened to give him the feeling of unsatisfactory?

She wished she could flick her wand and all could be fixed, but even magic like that couldn’t fix her mental problems. Some things couldn’t be fixed with magic, they had to be fixed with communication and understandings, heart to heart as they discussed their issues, hoping that later on they could at least hold onto their love for a little longer before it was gone.

It seemed these days she was the only one that held that hope, that on her part she was the one who wanted to discuss, not him. The real question was why and when. She just didn’t have the courage to bring it up, afraid to see the penitential snarl on his face or the disappointment towards her to rise in his chest.

She didn’t want that. She was sure no one wanted that. Heck, she bets he didn’t want that but it was something he couldn’t control. Something he had no other choice but to show.

Well, back to the present tense, she is back to the what seemed the cold sheets of lost hope and previous love and her eyes set on the ceiling; not planning on leaving the tiles any time soon.

She heard him breathing softly beside her, and when she was brave enough to glance she saw the slow rise of his shoulders as he slept; his back was still to her. She didn’t know if when she fell asleep somehow he knew and he secretly rolled over and embraced her, or he stayed in the same position the whole night, his body somehow afraid of grazing her skin in any way during his slumber.

It was most likely the second option, for she was sure that she would wake up from something so special beholding her (that something special being him.)

Simply his body facing her would wake her up. His touch upon her skin, for it always made her shiver in the best way. But of course she was imagining all that while she lay in bed with him next to her but far away, almost like he wanted nothing to do with her.

She couldn’t help it. The tears that arose in her eyes were against her will, but she knew the cause was her hurting heart inside her chest, beating the best it could through the pain. She couldn’t be more grateful for it, supplying blood for her body all whilst it stung with great pain.

Soon the tears that were just settled in her eyes were now taking home on her cheeks, flowing like mini rivers and her face was the deep green hills, the water swaying to and fro as the winds picked up.

Her brain started winding, sending thoughts that were so darkened and negative she could no longer breathe properly. Would he leave her? Sure the girl wasn’t as pretty as some other girls within the Magic world, specifically Hogwarts at the moment, but she was average; wasn’t that what she’s always been? Average?

Average isn’t good enough. Not for him. He deserved endless happiness compared to what he’s been through.

Was what she was giving him already, which was happiness and love, not enough for him? She thought so, but based on his current actions of ignoring her and acting like he’s reluctant to sleep beside her, was her displays of affection not satisfactory?

Were they satisfactory, yet not enough to fulfill his expectations?

Her brain was going so fast that it was then this she realized her heart was pounding, so much so the heard it in her ears.

She grew worried, since she wasn’t running or anything, for there was no reason her heart could be beating so quickly. Her lips parted, lungs suddenly starting to run out of air. Her breathing quickened, panicking even more when her heart didn’t stop and the ability to breathe was getting harder.

A wave of hot sweat ran over her like a chill, her legs breaking from the covers abruptly, chest clenching.

Her wobbly legs took her to the bathroom, hands almost slamming the door and fiddling with the lock until it clicked, hands still pressing pressure on it even though the knob already turned.

Her body ran out of strength and she let go quickly, leaning on the sink as she bent her head, squeezing her eyes shut so tightly she saw colors within her eyelids.

Her heavy breathing slowly changed to wheezing and tears, hiccups hurting her chest as her body fought for air for an unknown reason.

Her body flinched hardly when there was rough knocking on the door, the person wanting to come in.

“Loves, you okay?”

The voice. His voice.

It rumbled through the door, not just because he was in fact talking through a door, but also for the reason of his sleepy voice, still tired from his previous slumber.

She was silent besides her heavy breathing still being audible, but even that she was trying to keep quiet.

But of course she couldn’t do so, and since he got quiet as a response he knocked again and twisted the handle gently.

He knocked once again when he found out it was locked. “Loves, open.”

He said it so gently and soft, voice full of concern and love for her. She felt belonged, right then, felt loved and cared for. She walked over to the door hesitantly, hand reaching out and while doing so she saw it was shaking.

She fiddled with the handle with fear rising in her chest in anticipation.

Was he gonna leave her?

The door opened, messy blonde locks coming into view. Despite the softness of his voice earlier, her panic inside her chest caused her to doubt how he would react. She expected his eyes to be hard and full of irritation for I interrupting his sleep, but they were full of concern and worry within the orbs, silver surrounding her vision instead of tears.

He didn’t wait to have a staring contest with her before he closed the door, walking towards her and wrapping his splendor arms around her, stroking the ends of her hair and encouraging to to breath slower.

“I-I can’t.” She said. She spoke through breath after breath, no space between them.

She felt his head nod against her neck. “You can, loves.”

Tears kept streaming. Breathes kept coming out short. Hands kept stroking her cheeks to get rid of the coming tears once he lifted his head up from her neck area.

He sucked in a breath at seeing her in pain, fingers going to her hair and moving it away from her sweaty face.

He cupped her face in his hands, cradling it like the most delicate flower to ever exist. Because to him she was. And it was his job to water her and provide her light.

“Honey, just breathe! I’m here, aren’t I?”

She nodded in his hands, showing him how strong she was. And she’s been told she was by him; he tries to tell her every day.

He suddenly started breathing loud but steady, waving his hand gently to show her to copy him.

She did just that, and all doubts floated away, every questioning thought about their future fading away, replaced with nothing but sincere and genuine love.

Here then she embraced him once more, desperate to feel his warmth. Nose buried in his clothed chest, she mumbled, “Don’t ever leave me, please.”

He scoffed against her. “Leave you? Darling, my heart would rather die a thousand different ways than to leave you.”

-Sorry for any errors, I didn’t look it over! Thanks for reading and make sure to check out other stories:

👇

Masterlist

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whumpster-dumpster · 5 months

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Parental Caretaker's confidence being shaken by other important people in the whumpee's life who think they're not cut out to be a familial figure

#whump #whump prompt #writing prompt #familial whump #found family #judgment #self doubt

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aro-culture-is · 5 months

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aroace culture is doubting your aro identity bc these feelings you have for your zucchini could be what asexuals experience as romantic and you will never know for sure if you’re actually aro.

(meanwhile, scared that if these feelings are romantic, my aro zucchini might be able to tell and not want to be with me anymore)

#Anonymous #aro culture is #aro #aromantic #actually aro #actually aromantic #ask #aroace culture #self doubt #internalized arophobia #imho: aspec people specifically tend to be way more chill about 'idk what these feelings are'#ESPECIALLY when there's a 'i'm scared you'll be upset with me for those feelings' component

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reyla-the-black-wolf · 17 days

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My heart speaks for you (Part 4)

✴︎✦・✴︎✦・✴︎✦・✴︎✦・✴︎✦・✴︎✦・✴︎✦・✴︎✦

Pairing: Eris x f!reader

Word Count: 3.6k

Warnings: angst; panic attack; ⚠️ slight description of self harm; anxiety; self-doubt; a bit of fluff

Summary: Y/n is the youngest child of the High Lord of the Night Court and lives a slightly different life than the rest of her family. But what happens, when an unexpected visitor enters the stage and decides to completely change her life?

Music:

Way down we go - Kaleo

Broken - Isak Danielson

Don´t blame me - Taylor Swift

Eden für Dich - Andreas Bourani

Part 1 ⎮Part 2⎮Part 3⎮Part 4⎮

✴︎✦・✴︎✦・✴︎✦・✴︎✦・✴︎✦・✴︎✦・✴︎✦・✴︎✦

The opposite of good is good intentions.

I had once read this in a book of mine and it has stuck with me ever since. Because it´s true, at least most of the time. People do heroic and brave things. Tragic and beautiful things. But most of the time, in my experience, they do incredibly stupid things, even if they mean no harm. And in my life, that quote is more apt than ever.

✴︎✦・✴︎✦・✴︎✦・✴︎✦・✴︎✦・✴︎✦・✴︎✦・✴︎✦

I couldn´t describe my bliss as I lay in the soft grass of the clearing, the birds happily chirping and the sun beating down on me. My skin prickled at the pleasant temperature and a contented smile played across my face. I turned my head to see Eris beside me, his eyes closed and his breathing steady. His hair was spread around his features like a halo of flames and his fingers were wrapped around mine, gently stroking his thumb over the back of my hand.

One month had passed since we met on the border of Autumn. We had seen each other several times since then and had decided it was too risky to meet in Velaris because of my parents. So every time I met him here, he had shown me something new. Either a new part of this magnificent forest, a glistening lake of crystalline water or a small cottage hidden deep in the autumnal woods. Once we even encountered a family of badgers playing with their young.

And with each visit, I felt myself falling more for Eris. With every smile he gave me and every `conversation´ we held. With every look into his honey-kissed eyes and every featherlight touch we shared. I´d never felt so connected to anyone before, whether it was the bond or not didn´t matter. He felt like home. Like reading by the fireside. Like him wrapping his arms around me from behind. It felt like burning whiskey every time we stared at each other and like silken sheets beneath me as his hands explored my body.

He always made sure his brothers, or gods forbid his father, didn´t find out about our little affairs. And every time we said goodbye, he gifted me with something new. A pair of emerald earrings, or a leather-bound notebook with ornate letters engraved. No matter what he chose, he never failed to surprise me.

On the other hand, I made sure that my family didn´t find out that I had broken our agreement, a second time. Which in turn resulted in me covering up my scent when I came home from a visit, or sneaking around the River House. And so far, no one has found out or suspected anything yet. My life couldn´t be any better these days. I´ve got the freedom I wanted and I´m sharing it with someone I can be myself with.

But as the saying goes - pride goes before the fall. So as I lay here, relishing this delightful moment, my fingers wrapped in Eris´, I had no idea what was happening back in Velaris.

✴︎✦・✴︎✦・✴︎✦・✴︎✦・✴︎✦・✴︎✦・✴︎✦・✴︎✦

Rhysand´s Pov

Cauldron, this child! Where is she?

Five minutes ago I was sitting in my office, signing some papers, mostly administrative matters for the maintenance of older buildings in Velaris, and now I´m winnowing through my house in search of my wife and daughter.

Feyre had told me through the bond that y/n was nowhere to be found, and Nyx hadn´t seen her either. Even her friends denied seeing her in the last few hours, and neither was she in her room. Panic rose in me with every passing minute and my blood was boiling. I nearly broke down the door to my daughters room when I arrived, only to find Feyre standing in the middle of it, completely lost. „She´s not responding to me. Her mind is shut off, Rhys. I-I can´t reach her…“ „Ssh.. I know, I tried too.“ I instinctively pulled her into my arms and tried to comfort her, drawing soothing circles over her hips. „We will find y/n and make sure she´s all right.“ A long kiss and I felt Feyre relax a little in my embrace. „I´ve sent Cassian and Az to look for her, okay? We will find her, please do not worry too much my love.“ I reassured her, kissing the top of her head. After a moment of silence, my mate sighed. „Do you think…?“ She hesitated, so I put as much love into my tone as I could. „What, Feyre darling? Speak to me.“ „Do you think she went to see Eris?“ A sharp breath pierced my lungs at that question, cutting them open from the inside. That explained why my wife was asking so carefully.

„I know she promised us not to meet him, but he´s still her mate, at least in some way.“ She studied me like a hawk, waiting for my reaction. The thought that my daughter might have met this cruel Fae sent shivers down my spine and darkness rushed through my veins, ready to strike at any moment. „I certainly hope not. Despite the fact that he´s her mate.“ Deep breath. In and out. „But perhaps I have an idea how to find out where she is.“ Feyre raised an eyebrow in question and I explained.

Two minutes later, my wife shot me another one of her „you´re-out-of-your-mind“ looks.

„Rhys, I don´t think we should do this.“ „Darling, we can´t find our daughter. Maybe we can find some clues, about what is going on, in her room.“ „I understand what you mean, but if we go through her stuff, it could have some harsh consequences for us.“ She gave me an uncertain look. „Y/n won´t be too happy about us snooping through her personal things.“ „I´m not afraid of what follows our actions as long as Y/n is safe.“ Feyre still wasn´t particularly fond of my idea, but it didn´t take her long to join me and help me search through our daughters room.

I started at my daughter´s desk, opening drawers, unfolding letters and endless papers. A golden quill rolled from the hardwood table to the floor, making a knocking sound. At that exact second, a known feeling crept into my chest, making my heart feel to heavy. Guilt. I knew what I was doing wasn´t fair or right, but if the safety of my children was at stake, I would kill for them.

Shoving that feeling away, I continued to look around her nightstand and bed. Have you found anything suspicious? No, not yet, Feyre replied through our mating bond. Frustration began to set in and sinister little tendrils began to linger in the corners of the room.

Even after 20 minutes we hadn´t found anything. Not a single hint. „Rhys.“ I turned my head to look into my wife´s beautiful eyes. „Feyre.“ I sighed. „We should stop.“ She cupped my cheek and I leaned into her touch. „I mean, look around. We turned the entire room upside down. The desk, the wardrobe, even her bathroom.“ „I just want to know that y/n is doing well.“ I sighed deeply again and closed my eyes. „I know you love her, but she´s not your little princess anymore. You can´t control her life forever.“ Instinctively, a low growl escaped my throat and Feyre just gave me a sad smile.

„Anything from Cassian or Azriel maybe?“ I only shook my head no. „Then all we can do is wait for her to return from wherever she is.“ Tears lingered at the edges of her sky-blue eyes as I watched her. „Maybe you´re..." Something caught my eye.

A night-blue trunk lay under the bed, slightly hidden by the covers hanging from the bed frame. My dark tendrils pulled it out, pushing it towards us and I opened it.

I had really hoped that y/n would keep her promise this time. That she would listen to us, her parents, and not meet this man, but apparently she didn´t.

Jewellery, letters, quills and books lay now scattered on her desk as Feyre and I just stood there, staring at the things in front of us. Everything smelled of him, causing me to crinkle my nose in disgust. My fury mixed with the fear and anger of my mate as a wave of darkness shook the room. It broke free and tore the letters and books apart. It yanked open the windows and tugged the curtains against their anchors in the wall. Even the sun suddenly seemed to hide behind grey clouds, casting an ominous light on the room. „Rhys. Please look at me.“ Soft, gentle fingers turned me towards my mate. Rage seethed inside me like a volcano, but only then did I notice my darkness settling on the floor as a silhouette stepped through it.

✴︎✦・✴︎✦・✴︎✦・✴︎✦・✴︎✦・✴︎✦・✴︎✦・✴︎✦

Y/N´s Pov

As wonderful as the date with Eris had been, I couldn´t have imagined what awaited me at home. Dark, slender tendrils swirled around my body as I winnowed into my room, causing goosebumps to form on my skin. Suddenly I almost fell as I took a step forward. Cauldron, what had happened here? Books, clothes, pillows and other things lay strewn and destroyed on my bedroom floor, making it look like some kind of battlefield. I knew it was my father´s power, but what had caused him to cast his darkness upon my belongings? Eventually it faded into the corners of my room and when I turned around, two figures stood in front of me. Shit.

My father´s fierce gaze burned into my skin, probably leaving scars as well. I swallowed hard. What could have made him so furious? Had he...? Had he found out? Hopefully not. „At moments like this, I wish you could talk.“ An invisible blade pierced my heart at his words.

His voice seethed with rage and disappointment, his violet eyes cold and hard as stone when I dared to look at them. „You were with him!“ A bolt of lightning shot through me as he said it, filling my eyes with tears. Only then did I recognise the torn letters, books and jewellery on my desk. He knows. He knows, little bird. What are you going to do now? My inner critic and dark thoughts immediately flooded my mind. Shaking, I opened my mouth as if to speak and explain myself, but I couldn´t. Even if I did, I wouldn´t have the chance.

„I don´t want to know. I don´t want to hear any more promises or excuses from you, daughter!“ My father spat out the last word as if he didn´t have a daughter. „Rhys.“ My mother tried to interrupt, but... „No! I´ve had enough of her behaviour!“ The tension nearly suffocated me and a wince escaped my lips as white pain shot through my whole being. Heavy footsteps stomped towards me, causing the floorboards to creak, but I didn´t hear them. Everything felt too suffocating. Waves were trying to pull me under. Stop... please... The wind picked up and the first raindrops hit the ground. Curtains and windows rattled against the oncoming storm, a perfectly malicious portrayal of my father´s ire. I shivered and wrapped my arms around myself. „Fine, if you don´t care to protect yourself from this man, so be it. But don´t expect me to do the same.“ I don´t need your protection! It all felt so terribly wrong.

„No more meetings with the Autumn Heir. No more writing letters, hiding things, or any other communication with him, do you hear me?!“ He said, standing directly in front of me, his breath hovering over my cheeks as burning tears began to stream down my face, obscuring my vision. „You will not leave this room until I say so, is that clear?!“ His voice rang in my ears. „Rhys, stop!“ „And don´t even try to sneak out. I have put up wards around your room. This time I will find you, young lady!“ He snapped, simply shutting down my mother´s attempt to intervene. My heart shattered into a million pieces and I couldn´t hold back any longer. My tears flowed like a steady river over my features and I opened my mouth again, but nothing came out. He is my mate! You can´t keep me locked up like a prisoner! I´m your daughter! Please! I wanted to shout at him. I wanted to beg him to overthink this. „Don´t even try to speak, dear. We both know you can´t.“ Another slash of his blade. He turned his back on me as he grabbed my mother´s forearm and pulled her towards the door. „Rhysand! You can´t lock her up! She´s your grown daughter!“ My mother pleaded as she was dragged forward. „I won´t if she starts acting like my grown daughter.“ His tone was cold and his decision final. My chest tightened dangerously and I could no longer stifle my sobs. Just before he closed the door, my mother already in the hallway, he stopped and looked at me. „I thought I could trust you.“ He shook his head and closed the door, taking his darkness with him.

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・✧✵✧・✧✵✧・

Caution! ⚠️ The next part describes a panic attack and mentions of self harm as well as self-doubt, dark thoughts, etc. This can be a sensitive topic and trigger for some people, so please don´t read on from here, if you don´t like to. Take care of yourself! 🤍

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✴��✦・✴︎✦・✴︎✦・✴︎✦・✴︎✦・✴︎✦・✴︎✦・✴︎✦

My feet were cold as I slammed my fists against the door for I don´t know how long. Let me out! Let me out! My vision was blurred and I sank to the floor with bruised knuckles. The all- consuming emptiness was back. The beast without a name. But like so many times before in my sleep, this time it was real. Everything that had happened was real, even if my brain didn´t want to believe it. The walls drew closer, caged me in, made me feel small and yet everything inside me rebelled.

And everything was gone. All the letters and books. All his scent. My father destroyed them. Only the scant remains of them lay discarded on the floor, and seeing them made me feel even more lost and alone. You´re all alone, little bird. You´re weak, little bird. You deserve it, little bird. My demons ate me alive. Piece by piece. Thought by thought. Stop, I begged them. Shut it! But they wouldn´t listen. I had to shut them out of my mind. It was to dark and I couldn´t see. My mouth felt horribly dry and my clothes too rough on my skin.

I have to get to him! I need him! Eris!

My bones were aching and my eyes were swollen red as I braced myself on shaky arms. My hands began to rip at my hair and my nails began to scratch across my skin, leaving red marks.

Eris! Eris!

I lost control of myself as I tried to silence my thoughts and couldn´t stop. Couldn´t control my despair as whimpers and cries escaped my lips. A lump formed in the back of my throat as I clenched a fist and slammed it against the wall.

One. Two. Three.

Three times I struck the stone wall. The sound of it echoing through the air.

Again. And again.

With every punch, my wrath grew. With each strike, I felt my magic pounding in my veins. It´s too much! My thoughts were an all-devouring storm of shadows and my ears were ringing.

You messed up! It´s your fault! Always the good little princess, aren´t you?! What will Eris think?! You´re a terrible daughter! Don´t lock me up! Break the wards! Let it all out! Do it!

And with that, the lump in the back of my throat finally loosened. My entire body began to shake as a gut-wrenching scream left my soul, brutally ripping it in half. A wave of pressure rolled through the room and the rumble of thunder echoed outside, while the rain began pouring into my room. Quills rolled off my desk and loose parchment flew around as a roaring wind burst through the room, causing my tangled hair to flutter around my face. Time seemed to stand still for a moment as the storm outside roared alongside me. And then it was over.

Hot tears were still streaming down my cheeks and my throat was sore as exhaustion took over my body and I closed my eyes for a moment, barely holding myself up. Was this possible? Had I just...? The wards were entirely gone. I really had broken my father´s wards with the magic I had inherited from him. How ironic.

When I opened my eyes again, the demons in my head were gone, because all I could think about now was him. Eris.

I didn´t care if it made my parents even angrier with me, but I wasn´t staying here any longer. I had to get out of here. And I knew where to go.

My father might have destroyed Eris´s letters, jewellery and books, but he had forgotten two things. The amulet Eris had gifted me after my first visit to his court, and my notebook, filled with notes and our `conversations´. My fingers trembled as I pulled the amulet from under my white linen shirt. Carefully, I brushed my thumb across the gemstone in the centre and a single tear fell. Please work... please.

I brushed my fingers over the cool stone, brought it to my lips and kissed it as more tears rolled down. And suddenly the crystal began to glow a deep orange, like a burning ember. I stared at it with wide eyes, knowing Eris had listened to my pleas.

Without thinking, I stood up on wobbly legs and tucked the necklace back under my shirt. One last look around my chaotic bedroom and in the next second I winnowed to the Autumn Court.

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It was raining heavily and the wind was blowing through the treetops, playing with the autumn leaves as I arrived under the birch tree. Our meeting point. The forest ground was muddy and my hair was soaked with rain. Everything in me screamed for him as I paced, waiting for Eris to appear between the trees. And just as I was thinking about him, a rustle in the bushes made me turn around to see a tall figure standing a few yards away from me. His usually fiery hair was as wet as mine, and his fine clothes were completely soaked. I felt his gaze on me, my bruised hands and my thin clothes from earlier.

But what was going to happen next was something I hadn´t been prepared for in my entire life.

As soon as I looked into his warm amber eyes, a thousand suns exploded around us. A golden thread spread in my chest, warming my soul and tickling my skin. It shone and sparkled as brightly as possible. I could almost see it woven between him and I. My breath caught and my eyes widened, tearing even more.

It had snapped. The mating bond had finally snapped for me.

And it felt like absolute heaven. I felt... I could feel him. In my soul. In my body. In my bones. And it felt like home. And I knew that he felt it too.

He was about to take a step forward, but I was faster. My feet moved on their own as I ran towards him, practically leaping into his strong arms so that he held me tightly against his chest. Never wanting me to leave his side ever again.

There we stood. In the middle of the autumn forest, showered with the tears of the gods. The wind roared around us, tossing leaves that seemed to dance in celebration to the rhythm of the storm. It must have looked quite magical.

I tilted my head to look up at Eris and met his gaze. His eyes shone as bright as the mating bond. Glowing like a thousand fires on a stormy night. He looked from my eyes to my lips and back again. My cheeks heated, despite the rain pouring down on us, and I noticed the raw desire in his gaze, which only fuelled the fire in my own.

So he closed the gap between us. His lips met mine with such force that I placed my hands around his neck and ran my fingers through his wet hair. The stars and the sun collided and a shudder ran through our bodies. This kiss was anything but tender. It was passionate and rough. Sensual and devouring as we couldn´t get enough of each other. His tongue darted out to slide into my mouth and his taste... Gods, his taste was liquid gold on my tongue as his hands ran up and down my back. I couldn´t help but groan as he pulled me impossibly closer by my waist.

But after a while my lungs were screaming for air so I pulled away from the heated kiss, completely flushed and with swollen lips. Both of us were breathing heavily as we locked eyes. „I can lose everything, but not you... Oh gods, not you.“ He confessed with a trembling in his voice as his hands moved to my neck to hold me gently and tears welled up in his eyes. Sensing his distress through the bond, I gently wiped the raindrops from his cheeks with my thumbs and gave him a the most loving smile. And then I did something I thought I would never do.

„You will never lose me, Eris.“ I said and kissed him again.

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A/N: No offence to Rhysand, but someone had to be the bad guy, I'm (not) sorry 🙃 Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! And I´m planning about two or three more, so stay tuned! Bye 😙

Taglist:

@tele86 @circe143 @impossibelle @st4r-girl-official @cherry-cin @lilah-asteria @babypeapoddd @kdawgiedawg

#acotar #acotar fanfiction #acotar fandom #eris vanserra #eris x reader #angst #self h@rm #self doubt #chapter 4

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ashfault · 2 months

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Pinterest is overfeeding me with outfits I would love to see on Ballister and poses that would be pretty great for GoldenHeart, my thought process though?

Myself :Gee.. It would be pretty nice to see some artist draw him in this outfit, probs Sefarlen or even Axumii.

My Inner self: Dude.. You are an artist 💀 You can draw it.

Myself :One thing you're right, another thing is I fucking suck at it 💀

#artist #artist problems #self criticism #self doubt #ballister boldheart #nimona ballister

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deebrisbyfish · 6 months

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Imposter syndrome is something that REALLY kicks my ass on the regular. My sense of failure rears its head all the time, and I try to keep it to myself for the reasons Dandy illuminates here. I was wallowing the day I wrote this, and was avoiding talking to anyone. When I realized WHY I was avoiding it, this strip idea came to me. That said, long-time fans of Dandy & Company will recognize the log as the most common stock background from that strip. I had to REALLY cheat to get my enormous, 6'2" self in this shot. If I were to stand up here, I would be WILDLY out of proportion from the normal way I draw myself. lol

#imposter syndrome #imposter #failure #fail #consultation #therapy #therapy dog #national cartoonists society #ncs #comic strip #success #self doubt

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yeehawpim · 9 months

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after the match and your coach runs off

#dimension 20 #mentopolis #d20 fanart #dominick nuntz #self doubt #my art #these two were cute in the new ep <3

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furiousgoldfish · 11 months

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me after my parents haven't done anything abusive or violent in a bit: Welp. Can't claim that I'm being abused anymore. No proof that any past abuse exists. I'll never be able to prove to anyone that any of it was real. Maybe I made it up or was just being dramatic. The thought of it being erased and non provable crushes me to the ground. I'm helpless to do anything about it.

#abusive parents #child abuse #toxic parents #self doubt #fog #being gaslit by changed behaviour #doubting the past #feeling like you can't prove anything #and like all symptoms will forever be your fault

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ask-the-prose · 11 months

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The Self-Doubt Battle

Hi all, this week's guide is about imposter syndrome and self-doubt! This is a pretty personal subject for me because I struggle with this all the time, so I thought I'd write up a little guide for those of you who do too.

What is Imposter Syndrome?

Imposter Syndrome is a pattern of self-doubt that people (especially high achievers) feel. This pattern of self-doubt usually presents as a feeling that one is an imposter or that their achievements are due to falsehoods or faking competency. It is important to understand that Imposter Syndrome is not a clinical term and does not constitute an actual mental health condition. This is a phenomenon that occurs when people doubt themselves so thoroughly that they fear that others will view them as a fraud.

As previously stated, Imposter Syndrome is not a mental health condition that one suffers from, but instead, it is a pattern of thinking that can be overcome. If you find that this feeling is familiar to you, don't lose hope. This is not a permanent feeling, and it is not indicative of any moral or personal failing.

How do I rebuild my confidence?

This portion of the guide may sound familiar! Some of the things that work for burnout will also help rebuild your confidence and battle those persistent feelings of self-doubt. In fact, I find that self-doubt and burnout can very often go hand in hand. If you're feeling like an imposter or that you can't achieve what you want to, look really closely, talk it out with a friend, family member, or therapist, and see if maybe you're feeling burnt out instead. You might find that your self-doubt is actually exhaustion.

Let's start with self-care! It's hard to feel good about yourself when you just plain don't feel good. Self-care can help with that. It's easy to get lost among the scented candles and bubble baths, but self-care is actually much simpler than that. Have you eaten recently and regularly? Are you thirsty? Are you tired and need some sleep? Be sure to take care of your basic needs before making any judgments about yourself and your capabilities. You may find that once you feel physically better, you will feel more equipped to handle external challenges.

Is self-care not working? I consulted a couple of mental health professionals on how to combat feelings of self-doubt and inadequacy. Some of their tips included finding a source of validation or confidence boosting. It may seem like a bad thing, like fishing for compliments, but we, as human beings, crave and need validation from our peers. We're social animals! There is nothing wrong with wanting someone to say "good job" every now and then. A list of things that might help you get those moments of validation:

Is there something you know you're good at? Do a little of that! If that means drawing or dancing or sorting crayons, it doesn't matter as long as you feel good doing it.

Chat with a friend about your feelings, and you might find they feel the same way! If all of us feel that self-doubt, then maybe we're all wrong. We can't all be imposters, so look for that support and take comfort in knowing that you are not the odd one out.

Self-affirmation. This seems silly, and it's a common therapy tool, but it does work. Say to yourself what you want to believe about yourself, and eventually, you will. One self-affirmation that helps me with Imposter Syndrome and self-doubt: my achievements are real achievements. It's important to remind yourself that not only did you achieve something cool but that you did so because you are capable and not because you are fake. I'll let you in on a little secret; you can't fake success.

My final trick that may seem controversial: just ask. Everyone has felt self-doubt at one point or another. Find someone you trust and simply ask for validation. Your request can sound something like this: "I've been feeling down about my own capabilities recently. I trust you and your opinion and I was hoping you could give me some encouragement to keep going." I've found that writeblr is actually a GREAT place to find encouragement.

Rebuilding your confidence is a very personal task, and what works for one person won't always work for the next. For some people, the self-doubt goes away with a little work. For others, self-doubt can be persistent. Persistent, extreme feelings of self-doubt that result in depressive episodes or anxiety attacks may be symptoms of a larger mental health issue, and if these tips and tricks consistently fail, consider reaching out to a professional who can help you with the underlying cause of these negative feelings.

What about "fake it until you make it?"

"Fake it until you make it" is a common phrase used to encourage others with confidence issues, especially those of us who are younger or newer to an industry, craft, or hobby. In my personal experience, the usefulness of this phrase ebbs and flows with my own sense of self and my attitude toward my writing. This phrase can easily become misconstrued when a writer feels self-doubt. The purpose of this phrase is not to say that we are all imposters but that we can project confidence to others that we may not necessarily feel inside. That doesn't make you a phony. It helps you build yourself up.

Sometimes, this phrase is not so helpful. It's important to recognize that what we are faking is confidence, not competence. It is next to impossible to fake your own capabilities, but you can certainly fake a positive attitude. "Faking it" does not refer to faking success. It refers to faking unerring confidence and belief in oneself. "Making it" is about genuinely believing in yourself. You can "make it" to self-assured confidence by "faking" that confidence you want to have. In some ways, it's like a positive self-affirmation.

Conclusion

I'll repeat it here: you cannot fake success. Your achievements are real, your successes are real, and though sometimes it feels like luck, it was your skills that helped you reach your goals. Whether you believe in your skills or not, luck can only get you so far, you got yourself the rest of the way. Take pride in yourself, and remember, this feeling will pass.

– Indy

#writer problems #writing tips #writing advice #writing resources #writing help #writblr #writers of tumblr #writers on tumblr #writing guide #imposter syndrome #self doubt #writing #on writing #amwriting #writeblr

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