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generalized-incompetence · 1 year

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“You were the one who wanted to come to this ball," says Todd, crossing his arms over his ten-year-old, ill-fitting suit, "and you already want to leave? Come on, man."

Down below, couples spin and twirl across the polished floor. Chandeliers throw glittering light on velvet carpets and stately portraits. More to the point, a whole table full of champagne glasses rests against the far wall, next to stacks on stacks of enticing hors d'oeuvres.

Dirk fidgets with his cuffs. "Want," he says, "is rather a strong word."

(Read on AO3 here)

Todd sighs for the eighth time in the past three minutes. "Well, it was your idea," he says. "And I wore this dumb suit and everything, so the least you can do is go stand against a wall and drink champagne for thirty minutes so you can tell the universe you gave it a good try."

He reaches for Dirk's wrist to pull him down the sweeping staircase, and Dirk, unexpectedly, pulls back. Todd frowns at him. Dirk doesn't meet his eyes. Todd wants to sigh again. Dirk hasn't shut up about this stupid ball since they broke into their suspect's office three weeks ago and found the invitation on gilded letterhead. He had a whole suit fitted. He's been blaring waltz music constantly. He went on about forks and place settings for so long that even Farah begged him to stop. He'd been his normal blithe self the whole ride here, waving the carefully forged invite at the doorman with nary a care in the world, but as soon as they'd gotten close enough to see the string quartet, he'd done... this.

"What," says Todd, "is wrong?"

"Nothing," says Dirk, unconvincingly.

Todd leans against the wall in anticipation that they may be here a while. He mentally bids his hors d'oeuvres goodbye. "Is this a universe thing or a Dirk thing?" he says. "Are you… nervous?"

Dirk glowers at him. "Don't be ridiculous," he says.

Todd struggles very hard not to say that he is not the one being ridiculous here. Dirk sticks his hands in his pockets and takes them out again. His suit looks... Well, it looks like it's been tailored specifically for him, because it has. The effort Todd is exerting not to have an opinion on this is definitely not contributing to his current level of annoyance.

"Do you want to stay here and I'll go?" he says.

"No," says Dirk quickly. He glances up at Todd and back down again. "I don't -" he says. "I don't know --"

In a flash of understanding so potent he might as well be holistic, Todd completes the sentence: "You don't know how to dance."

Dirk chews his lip, which is answer enough. Todd takes a slow breath and flexes his hands. Dirk knows so many things: the square root of pi; seventeen species of sharks; how to order spaghetti in five languages. But there's so many things he doesn't know, too, so much Blackwing has taken from him: Saturday morning cartoons. Cereal brands. How to ride a bike.

Dancing.

Todd makes up his mind. He slips his hand down Dirk's wrist, intertwining with Dirk's fingers. "It's easy," he says, pulling Dirk down the stairs. "I'll show you."

Dirk comes with him this time, and before Todd knows it, they're on the dance floor, just at the periphery of the swirling crowds. It smells like flowers and perfume, and the quartet is starting up a new waltz, and Todd has never in his life pictured himself at an actual, honest-to-God ball, but here he is anyway. He tugs Dirk closer to him, placing a hand on Dirk's waist. "Put your hand on my shoulder," he instructs, "and... follow me."

Todd is not the world's greatest dancer, obviously, but he can follow a beat, and waltzing is just three steps. Dirk stumbles over his feet, and then over Todd's, but Todd just keeps leading them around the edges of the floor, and eventually, he feels Dirk relax.

"Not too bad?" Todd says.

"Mm," says Dirk. He's still staring intently at his feet, though he’s got the steps down pat by now. Todd feels an inexpressible surge of fondness, followed by a tempting idea.

“Maybe,” he says, “one day, you’ll be good enough to even look up from the floor.”

Dirk huffs and jerks his head up, and Todd immediately spins Dirk out under his arm and back again, laughing at the shock and surprise on Dirk’s face. “What was that for?” says Dirk indignantly as Todd steadies Dirk back in his arms.

Todd shrugs. “Thought you could handle it,” he says, grinning. “Was I wrong?”

Dirk frowns, his face flushed, and Todd knows he’s caught between telling Todd off and proving him right. “Again,” he demands, and Todd complies.

And…

The instant he lets go of Dirk’s waist, time seems to slow, light flashing off the glass chandeliers brightly enough to make Todd blink. The universe shifts minutely around him, and when he opens his eyes again, there’s something different. On the first spin, Dirk nearly tripped; he bumped into Todd’s arm on the way out and in, and he took several steps to get his footing back after. This time, he doesn’t miss a beat. At the furthest extension, he even reaches out, head tilting like he’s doing ballet, eyes half-lidded and a smile playing around the edges of his lips. Todd’s heart skips, and then Dirk is back, not looking down now, confident and sure.

Dirk’s smile slides into something cocky and self-satisfied. “I suppose you were right,” he says.

“You cheated,” says Todd, when he can say things again.

“Slander!” Dirk gasps. “How does one cheat at dancing?”

“Universe dancing skills don’t count,” says Todd.

“Todd,” says Dirk smugly, “the universe doesn’t work like that, as you well know, and if it did, I doubt dancing skills would be at the top of my wishlist. Firearm skills, perhaps. Hand-eye coordination in general. Though, in all fairness, I have solved several cases by the application of judicious tripping, so perhaps poor coordination is a skill in and of itself. Would that fit on my resume, do you think?”

“Why do you need a resume?” says Todd, and then, “Well, you did something, because - oh, shit, there’s Danvers.”

Dirk gasps as Todd quickly rotates to show him, and the next few minutes are spent in targeted waltzing towards the target. Todd is barely leading, Dirk inventing or remembering new steps on the way, and it’s probably fortunate Todd can pretend to concentrate on the case, because he can’t pretend to be normal right now. Dirk’s hand is burning a hole in his shoulder, and Dirk’s waist feels so right beneath his palm, and Dirk in full form, beneath the crystal lights, is so striking, Todd can barely stand it. He gives up on breathing or thinking and just lets Dirk do what Dirk does best, which is to go where the universe takes him, with Todd awestruck in his wake.

They confront Danvers, and there’s a dance-off, of sorts, and the hors d'oeuvres table is upturned across the floor. When all is said and done, the jewels recovered from the chandelier, both of their suits are in tatters. The guests have all fled, the quartet abandoned ship, and the rescued champagne long since flat. But when they leave the mansion triumphant, Todd knows the case isn’t what he’ll remember.

“Gosh, my feet ache,” says Dirk, flopping down on the curb. “I knew I didn’t have suitable footwear. Remind me to break in my shoes before our next ball.”

“Next ball?” says Todd.

Dirk looks vaguely surprised. “I assume so,” he says. “I’d no idea you were such an accomplished dancer. You’ve been holding out on me, Todd.”

“Me?” says Todd, pulling exasperation on like a faded sweater. “You’re the one who hid upstairs for an hour and then won the…” He’s not saying dance-off. “Whatever that was.”

“Mm. I learn fast.” Dirk nudges Todd’s shoulder. “But I learned everything from you.”

It is not fair, Todd thinks, that Dirk’s face can do this. It is not fair when Dirk melts into this smile, radiating more emotion than Todd hopes to deserve. It is not fair that, scratched and grimed-up in a suit ripped beyond repair, Dirk still looks better than anyone else at the ball. “Thank you,” says Dirk softly, and Todd has to turn away.

“Yeah, well,” says Todd, his voice thick, “just doing my job.”

“Mm,” says Dirk, and leans his head on Todd’s shoulder, and Todd doesn’t know what this means but he would do anything to make this last. “You’re a good partner, Todd,” says Dirk, and Todd doesn’t even have the heart to make light of the apparent promotion. He just grunts, and shifts to accommodate Dirk’s head, and hopes Dirk knows some of what he feels.

Eventually, Farah comes running back out, in far better shape than either of them. “Alright, we’re square with the police,” she says. “Ready to go?”

Dirk stretches upwards. “I’m starved,” he says. “Dancing really takes it out of you. Anyone up for milkshakes?”

Farah blinks at him. “You dance?” she says.

“Obviously,” says Dirk, heading towards the car. “Don’t you?”

Farah looks at Todd, who just shrugs. “Always full of surprises,” Farah sighs.

“Yeah,” says Todd, following Dirk with a smile. “Yeah, he is.”

(Tagging @glittter-skeleton and @mowi0205 for your lovely and inspiring ballroom art <3)

#dghda #brotzly #my fic #dirk gently's holistic detective agency #idk if this does what i wanted i think it's a little uneven but here is a thing!! <3 #if bart can dance with her best friend then dirk can go to a ball #for Case Reasons obviously

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chillichats · 2 years

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I have a great idea for a botw au. I have many of those, in fact

great ideas. not botw aus. though I have those too

you know how link is just running around aimlessly, solving puzzles and helping people wherever he goes without much idea as to what he’s doing? WELL

let me introduce to you: the Link’s Holistic Detective Agency au

if you know you know, but for those who don't: Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency is a series of novels by Douglas Adams (yes, the same guy who wrote Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy). there have been multiple series’s and spinoffs of those books, but I think it’s underrepresented in the Fandom-space.

Dirk Gently, or Icarus, is an escaped government experiment who is intrinsically tied to the forces of the universe. no matter what he does, it seems to lead to the next step in the puzzle or case that he’s working on. He could be actively trying NOT to get the next clue, and the universe will make him trip over it. He’s not the only person tied to the forces of the universe; the agency that kept him prisoner also had more experiments going on. From a woman who can’t be killed and kills without trying, to a girl who can turn into anything (and I mean anything), to four guys who feed on the energy and pain that they suck out of people, to a kid who’s dreams become reality.

Link is a guy with a destiny, who knows what he needs to do but not exactly how to do it. everywhere he goes there are puzzle pieces to the greater picture that was hyrule 100 years ago, and the hyrule that is now. Everyone seems to recognise intrinsically that he can help solve their problems, and they offer knowledge that he needs without him having to ask. its almost like... the universe is helping him out. no matter which direction he goes, he gets a step closer to saving Zelda, and the world.

what I want to see is: 100 years ago, link was not tied to the forces of the universe. he could only rely on his own knowledge and choices to guide him to where he needed to be. then, he almost died, and left hyrule perilously close to destruction, and the universe decides, enough.

it takes link a while to figure out what’s going on, if he does at all. in fact, I think it would be funnier if an amnesiac link fully doesn't realise that the extent to which he ‘luckily’ finds just the right person or ‘luckily’ happens upon the right place extends far past coincidence and into ‘this is really weird actually, something is pulling strings behind the scenes’. HOWEVER, any companions he travels alongside figure out very quickly that links hunches and random feelings are almost ALWAYS what they need to get to the next part of their journeys.

anyways. there’s my brilliant AU, you may now do what you will with it

#chillichats #botw #dirk gentlys holistic detective agency #fanfic au #crossover #and obviously Sidon is super into this nonverbal ball of lucky chances #meanwhile link keeps miraculously finding things that Sidon would love

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freakspectors · 8 months

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HELUVAKINKTOBER: DAY 4 - PROSTITUTION.

A Dazai Osamu | BSD x Gender-Neutral Smut Fanfic.

warnings ; smut , reader is a prostitute , rough sex, dacryphilia , hair pulling , doggy style , spanking?? maybe?? , begging , etc .

author's note ; don't worry. daddy's home. HIHI EVERYONE!!! im so many days behind but shh we dont talk about that. i got grounded and i have so much going on but remember what i said on the masterlist? fuck it, WE BALL!!!! anyways this seems really mediocre but i need to catch up really fast so... enjoy what you can ^^

heluvakinktober 2023 m.list .

Nights get desolate when the Ex-Mafia member isn’t attempting suicide. Tonight, Dazai seemed to be particularly lonely — he was yearning for another. No, not for a double suicide — get the idea of suicide out of your head, goddamn it. What the detective needed was someone to fornicate with, naturally. But a trail of broken hearts follows his path in life; all of said hearts being his own.. But hearts nonetheless.

His hands just wouldn’t do it for him this time around. No matter how fast he stroked, what he fantasized about, anything at all — he couldn’t get himself off. So, what was this renowned agent of the Armed Detective Agency doing in solution to his predicament?

He hired a prostitute.

He hired you.

Dazai’s cock drilled into your cum-stuffed hole, his shaft sliding in and out with ease. Moist sounds of skin against skin fill the room each time he bottoms out. The hefty headboard slams against the wall, its sound resembling objects falling during an earthquake. You bury your head into his pillow, moans unmuffling after each harsh thrust.

You’ve serviced many needy men throughout your career, yes, but there’s something.. different about Dazai. Perhaps it was his odd sense of charm? His concerning amount of bandages? Perhaps even the fact he’s fucking you like it’s the baby boom all over again. You couldn’t even fathom how good he felt inside of you, much unlike your older clients.

A smack on your ass brings you out of your daze. You wince at the sting, looking back at the brunette pistoning himself inside you with a broad smile on his face. His other hand rests on your hair, gripping onto you as he rails you into oblivion.

“What is it, bella? Did I hurt you too much?” Dazai pouts, gently caressing the red mark. You bob your head, eyes glossy as the young man laughs in your face. “Awe, poor baby. Do you want me to slow down?”

Before you could even muster up an answer, Dazai slowed his hips until he eventually came to a stop. You never thought you’d see yourself begging for any of your clients, but tonight seemed to be a night where everything went off course.

Fat tear droplets ran down your cheeks as loud pleas left your throat, your voice becoming hoarse. The detective rolled his eyes, a spiel of boredom in his voice when he spoke. “Oh, come on. Do you really feel that good? For all I know, you may be trying to get more money from me like the whore you are.”

You feverishly shake your head no. He wasn’t exactly wrong — nor right, actually. You’ve pretended to cum more times than you can even count; but he was the first customer you have ever been this needy for.

“P-Please, keep going, I’ll even make this session free — I just need to.. Please, Dazai,” you cry, the lump in your throat feeling worse the more you hic and sob. Dazai stares at you, speechless with a shit-eating grin. After a moment of silence, Dazai bursts out laughing at you. Feeling humiliated, you sighed and silently cried into the pillow once more. It wasn’t long before a hard thrust went into you, ripping a moan from your throat.

“Suck it up, won’t you? I never said I was stopping for good.”

@ HELUVAKU 2023 . do not share or repost .

#⁺˚⋆✩₊ heluvaku works .#⛧ heluvakinktober .#kinktober #kinktober 2023 #bsd #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #bungou sd #bungou stray dogs smut #bungou stray dogs x reader #bsd smut #bsd dazai #bsd x reader #bungo sd #bungo stray dogs x reader #bungo stray dogs smut #bungo stray dogs x reader smut #bsd x reader smut

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iovetecchou · 7 months

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That Funny Feeling ⧸ Dazai Osamu

༞ Contains...! !TW! this fic contains heavy topics such as: suicide, depression, anxiety, and self-deprecating thoughts. hurt/comfort type beat, hugging, gentle touches, hand holding, swearing, suggestive implications but NOTHING actually happened! kunikida is just silly, dazai really is a sweetheart in this ):

༞ GN Reader.

༞ 2,494 words.

a/n: if you have struggled with your own mental health past or present, just know that you are not alone. i love you and am so proud of you for still being here and pushing through each day, no matter how difficult that can be. never be afraid to rely on someone close to you when things become too much to bear, you are worthy of living and deserve to be loved.

Some people just aren't cut out for life. We are all dealt a hand, some cards interchangeable. But for the most part, they mold us; and make us who we are. They map out the rest of our lives. So what are you supposed to do when all the cards you've been handed don't play in your favor?

Even the interchangeable cards; you discard them only to pick up more rotten ones. Your judgment is poor, and your decision-making only gets you stuck between a rock and a hard place.

You envy the people who were gifted better cards. People who were not condemned from the start. Those are the people who make something out of their lives, the ones who are deserving of taking up space.

You know this sounds self-deprecating, and yeah, it is. But to you, it's also logic. You think that's why you dislike Dazai Osamu.

When he talks so freely about death, his desire for a perfect suicide. It makes your stomach turn, not for obvious reasons, but for selfish ones. He plays off his pain as a joke so no one thinks twice about it when he asks a pretty stranger to "commit a double suicide" with him.

You try so hard to conceal your suicidal thoughts, hiding your depression behind a pretty mask. Showing up to work each day with a smile on your face and a "can do!" attitude.

You and Dazai really are the same in that aspect, masking your pain so it's less noticeable to others around you.

Your abdomen twists into knots when he talks so freely about suicide because it causes your mind to wander and your mask to slip. Dazai always seems to pick up on that slight change in you when it happens, too. His chestnut eyes bore holes into your profile from where he sits beside you. You can feel his eyes on you as you try to smile brighter, putting on a chipper face as Kenji updates you on how the cows on his farm are doing.

You hate it. It feels like he's reading your mind; retaining all your deepest darkest secrets. Does your face really give you away so easily? No... It can't be that. You've been working at the Detective Agency for a long while now, and since then, no one else has ever assumed something was wrong with you.

If they only knew how pitiful your life really was. As much as you love all your colleagues at the Agency, you hate working. Waking up is exhausting, and you dread the repetitive daily routines you're forced to accomplish. On your off days, you sit at home alone- by choice. Interacting with others is draining, and when you're urged to participate in social activities, the anticipation and anxiety eat away at you until the day finally comes.

Much like today, the day you've been letting eat away at you since the mention of a work party was brought to your attention. You practiced different smiles and laughs in the mirror, shaking your head and trying again when your "act" seemed too unnatural. You probably changed your outfit ten times before ultimately deciding on the same old thing you usually wore.

Your hands were coated in perspiration as you balled your fingers, making a fist. You took in a shaky breath as you brought yourself to finally knock on Chief Fukuzawa's door. He welcomed you with a tight-lipped smile and a nod of his head, stepping aside to let you through. Immediately, you felt his eyes on you. Dazai watched your little performance as you greeted everyone, and when it was finally his turn to watch your act up close and personal- you froze.

His eyes were too intimidating. You felt exposed in front of him. It irked you that he had such an effect on you. Why was it so easy to pretend with everyone else but him?

"Aww, where's my greeting?" Dazai smirked devilishly at you, raising his eyebrows slightly as he leaned in close. All-encompassing, invading your personal space.

You remained quiet. You were on the outside looking in, screaming to yourself to say something- anything. Your gaze shifted to the floor as your hands came up to bunch up the hem of your shirt, rolling it between your fingers; an attempt to self-soothe.

"I..."

"Oi! Stop teasing them, Dazai," Yosano shouted from the kitchen, plum-colored eyes still fixated on the fizzy concoction she began making for herself.

The sound of Yosano's strong voice ripped you from your stupor. Your head shot up, only to notice Dazai was still gazing at you- studying you.

"I would do no such thing! I'm hurt that you think so low of me, Yosano!" Dazai's intense gaze finally eased up on you as he whipped his head around to face Yosano. The tall brunette man clutched a hand over his heart in feigned affliction.

You took that as your opening to slip away, excusing yourself to the restroom. You hardly noticed the way Dazai's attention was drawn back to you at the sound of your hurried footsteps. "Hey- wait up!"

You quickly pulled the bathroom door shut behind you. You could hardly look at yourself in the mirror, too ashamed of yourself for freezing up back there. The cool tile floor welcomed you as you sunk, curling into yourself. You hugged your knees as they drew closely into your chest. You could feel your rapid heartbeat in your throat, anxiety rising by the second.

"You know, I wouldn't be sitting on the floor if I were you. Let's get you up." Nothing registered until you felt firm hands grasp your biceps. A strong force drawing you up to rely upon your shaky legs.

"Why- what are you..?" Your sentence fell off. You weren't entirely sure what you were trying to ask. Your mind was too convoluted with disappointment; shame for yourself.

"The door was unlocked so I figured I'd let myself in! You weren't looking too hot out there, and I wanted to check up on you." Dazai's warm hands still cradled your biceps, untrusting the support your trembling legs half-heartedly gave you in your current state.

"I'm fine," You chuckled out of nervousness before continuing, "I'll be out in a minute, so you can just go." You could tell by how Dazai looked at you that he didn't buy your lie, not even for a second.

He let out a deep sigh, large palms moving up to your shoulders before he blurted out, "Stop, just- just stop. You're not fooling me, so quit it with the peachy-keen act. Why do you insist on hiding behind a facade?"

"Why do you?!" You shouted back. You brought your hands up to swat his hands off your shoulders. The shift between distress and rage made your legs feel more grounded.

Dazai gaped at you for a moment. He genuinely looked taken aback before his face shifted into a tepid expression. He let his arms settle against his sides, his demeanor appearing more taut than usual.

"This isn't about me. Stop deflecting." His voice was eerily calm, making you feel unsettled. Seeing a more serious side to Dazai was far and few between for you.

"But it is! I hate you... I hate you so much. You- you..." Your vision began to blur as tears spilled past your lashline and down your sullen cheeks. How embarrassing, you thought. Crying in front of the man that made your stomach turn.

Dazai brought his hand up to your cheek, brushing away the onslaught of tears with the pad of his thumb. "I believe that hatred is displaced. You just don't want to acknowledge that."

Your eyebrows scrunched up in confusion as you drew your hand to grasp his wrist. You tugged with all your might to pull him from your cheek, but no give. Dazai stubbornly kept his large palm on your face. The warmth from his hand seared your skin. It was neither comforting nor unpleasant. Just... unfamiliar.

"You're wrong, I hate you-"

"No, you hate that you see yourself in me."

Your hand fell from his wrist. He was right, and deep down, you knew that. But you refused to admit it. It was shameful. You liked to hate Dazai because it took attention away from the real problem at hand, yourself.

Dazai let out a sigh as he continued to wipe away your tears. "Tell me to stop if you hate it, but I'm going to hug you now." Before you could process, Dazai embraced you. His hand that was caressing your face only moments ago now cradled your neck. His other arm wrapped around your frame, enveloping you.

"I understand your pain well... I can see myself in you too. But I don't despise you, you know. I actually... worry for you. You try so hard to pretend that everything is fine. It must be exhausting."

It felt like your heart was being squeezed, as if your ribcage was collapsing in on itself. His words shot right through you, as did the guilt. You had been so unfair toward Dazai up until now. Using your displaced disdain for him as a distraction because you were too much of a coward to hold yourself accountable.

It ached so much to come to terms with. Your arms felt heavy as you pulled them up to wrap around Dazai's lanky frame. You quietly sobbed into his chest, grasping your hands into the back of his shirt desperately; as a small child would cling to their mother.

Dazai hummed softly into your hair, welcoming the silence with open arms; as he did you. You were sure all your colleagues were wondering why Dazai and yourself had been in the restroom for so long, but you hardly cared at this very moment.

For the first time, in a long time, you felt seen. Like you didn't need to hide when Dazai was in your presence... because even if you did- he would know. Being vulnerable felt similar to what you imagined walking a tightrope hung across two tall skyscrapers entailed. So, to say you were apprehensive about this was an understatement.

However, in the same breath, it felt freeing. It took a little bit of weight off your shoulders to share your burdens with another person. But never in a million years did you think the person who brought you solace would end up being Dazai Osamu.

"I'm sorry, Dazai- I'm so fucking sorry. I-"

"It's okay. Believe me, I treated people a lot worse than this from my own displaced hatred," Dazai interrupted. Caressing your hair softly, hyperaware of the wet feeling seeping through his shirt and smearing over his skin from your tears before he continued,

"Just... just promise me you'll talk to me if it ever becomes too unbearable to handle on your own. I know how it sounds coming from me, I'm a hypocrite- huh? But trust me when I tell you… you are deserving of this thing we call living. Even if you can't see it yourself, I can... and I will remind you of that fact until I'm blue in the face if I have to."

You pulled back from Dazai's chest as you sniffled, eyes scanning his stoic face. He smiled at you softly, rubbing up and down the sides of your arms in a comforting way. "There you are. I was beginning to think you cried your face off!" You chuckled at his dumb quip, letting your fingers untangle from the cloth adorning Dazai's back.

"Well, this is embarrassing... and I'm sure at this point all the others think were up to no good in here." It was Dazai's turn to laugh as his hands drifted lower, grasping yours softly. Your fingers intertwined as a lopsided grin painted your face.

"So let 'em! Who cares? The only thing that matters is that your heart is beating and you're here. Still standing in front of me." Your smile dropped slightly, the urge to cry bubbling back up, making your throat tighten.

"Dazai," You tightly squeezed his hands within your grasp. Scared that if you loosened your grip for even a second, this moment would be gone before you could say everything you needed to. "I'm really glad you're still here, too."

Dazai closed his eyes for a moment, his smile wavering. "There's so much pain in the world... sometimes it's hard not to notice it. I couldn't shut it out every time I felt your distress. That's why I kept a close eye on you all this time. I'm not just some creep with a staring problem,"

You both laughed at that sentiment before he continued, "I know with each day those painful thoughts are waiting for you. But it's not only that, there's also possibilities. Possibilities you can only discover as long as you're alive."

Your hands still clutched his with great force. His words caused you to cry once more as Dazai's eyes softened. He quietly cooed at you, whispering "don't cry," so gently, it was almost inaudible.

"Dazai... I hope you know the same can be said for you, and your life," You paused, trying to swallow that lump in your throat before you continued. "I... want to help you- help you live. I know it doesn't mean much coming from me, but as long as you're still here I will do whatever I can to help you. I swear it."

Your tear-filled eyes bored into his chestnut ones. Desperately hoping your words got through to him. Dazai inhaled a shaky breath, eyebrows raising slightly. His lips curved into a tight-lipped smile before he let out a small chuckle. "You're really something else, you know that? Not even ten minutes ago you were shouting about how much you hate me. Now we're best buds... how cute!"

You knew he was deflecting, you guessed being vulnerable was just as daunting to him as it was for you. Before you could say anything more, the door flung open. Both Dazai and yourself whipped your heads in the direction of Kunikida shouting.

"Dazai! Just what do you think you're doing- wait a damn minute! What did you do to Y/N to make them cry?! Get away from them this instant you damn pervert!"

Kunikida gripped Dazai by the collar, dragging him out of the restroom. When your hands untangled from his, you felt uneasy. There was so much more you wanted to say, but it would just have to wait... for now.

You couldn't help but chuckle to yourself at the sound of Dazai shouting for you to help prove his innocence from presumably the living room. For the first time since you stepped into the bathroom, you looked at yourself. Taking in your disheveled state.

Ah, there it is again. That funny feeling.

don't accuse me of making this a self-insert, i will cry!

#dazai osamu x reader #dazai osamu x you #dazai x reader #dazai x you #osamu dazai x reader #osamu dazai x you #dazai angst #dazai osamu angst #dazai osamu bsd #bsd dazai #bsd dazai osamu #bsd x reader #bsd x you #bungou stray dogs #bungou stray dogs x reader #bungou stray dogs x you

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iridescentdove · 10 months

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What about a Platonic! BSD x Child! Reader is very smart, like almost Ranpo-level smart, but they don’t use their smarts and intellect for anything at all except for online video games, board games, etc., and they’re lazy and don’t go outside at all. Plus, the first time Reader and Dazai had a game of chess, Dazai literally lost two moves in, and Dazai was rethinking his entire life choices in that moment because how the fu-

(How Dazai and Reader’s game of chess went *REAL* link)

WHY DO I HEAR BOSS MUSIC?

platonic!bsd x child!smart!reader

A/N: I for an odd reason, love it when characters are humbled and seen inferior 😭 I love this request too! Here it is~

Everyone loves you.

I'm so jealous rn /j

Well as a kid it would be expected to be like that! Although, it was a little different as you were ... considered unique to other children around you. How so?

ULTRA DEDUCTION BABY.

No but for real. FUKUZAWA merely took you into the agency since you seemed to have had no parents by your side to take care of you. As such, he took on the responsibility himself. The agency takes care of you now! <3

Anyways, let's say you were basically rivalling RANPO in terms of deduction and overall smartness capabilities, as he now thinks you are a worthy opponent.

But even he himself lost to someone like DAZAI.

Yes. Of course it was true, the suicidal detective just seemed to be way too good. The so-called 'world's best detective' had lost to a man, in which who, flirts with women 24/7 and asks for double suicide everywhere he went.

But to say the day came when brunette's demise lurked around the corner ... because of a chess game.

The agency had nothing important going on in particular as the peace of Yokohama was maintained in the meantime. Simply put, you guys were on vacation. So what else to do other than some old family bonding?

There were lots of activities planned that day, and everyone had enjoyed it to the fullest. You did also find it fun, but ... of course, for someone your age – you were mature as fuck.

And so, you did what everyone wouldn't have the balls to do.

Challenge DAZAI OSAMU himself to a chess match.

So obviously, everyone got a bit nervous. Pretty sure you had no idea how smart the suicidal maniac was, nor did they ever believe you would last a good 'ol round even once. By some experience of a certain detective – there is absolutely no one better than DAZAI himself.

The chess game went on. You looked so cute and innocent! Maybe he should go easy on you?? After all, you're just a kid.

And yet ... he was downright horrified.

In a matter of four turns in, the death-craving young man was absolutely OBLITERATED by you. Upon the match ending, a pin drop silence was heard. Eyes widened in shock, whom even RANPO himself never imagined such. Everyone never spoke, not even coughed for a solid 5 minutes.

But it was true. You DID defeat him. FUKUZAWA had the face of a very proud parent – he really didn't think you'd emerge victory in this small innocent match.

The president promised to treat you out next time a successful mission was in tow. Of course, DAZAI couldn't believe he had lost to you! A little child!

It would definitely take a lot of time for him to wrap his head around that – but once he does, oh boy.

I think you a little crazy there uncle ahaha

He almost literally brags about your existence everyday to anyone. You can't tell me he hasn't literally shoved in and mocked in front of people's faces with that shit eating grin of his oh my fucking God 😭

Then again, no one is safe. An even better gifted than the two greatest treasures of the Armed Detective Agency.

FYODOR better be shaking in his fugly ass boots.

You're coming for him alright. (and so am I)

Honestly, the ADA cannot be anymore proud to have an ally like you by their side. Missions and war would cease to exist from how well you managed to help them. And even moreso, combined with RANPO himself.

World destruction who?? I only know (Y/N) (L/N) 😍

Your existence is known, everyone knows about what you've done and how respected you are despite your young age.

Who tf let the Port Mafia fuck ya'll up?? Oh nevermind they were destroyed because of ur amazing little ass. The Hunting Dogs tryna tear apart the ADA which was mistaken as terrorists? Umh chill anyways so you already had a plan– RANPO doesn't know what to do for once? You're already there to help. Decay of the Angels? Lives up to their name, they're decaying under your superior brain and intellect.

You're just found to be the lifeline of the agency. In return, everyone treats you very well (spoils you even), making sure you lived your days as a child to the best extreme possible.

And to be frank – no one dare underestimate you anymore.

#bsd x reader #bungou stray dogs #platonic bsd #armed detective agency #ada x reader #bsd #decay of angels #port mafia #ranpo edogawa #dazai osamu

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embracing-the-ineffable · 10 months

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Hunting for Clues-with-a-capital-C, a meta of Good Omens metas, and GO fun!

*I'm adding to this list as I find new and interesting Clues and theories!

*This post version is dated 21 Apr 2024; the current version is pinned to my profile.

* I maxed out Tumblr's link limit! Here's the Google doc (which is due to be updated SOON with lots of posts I've reshared in the last few months...) with all the Clues, links, and metas I've collected from all over the fandom.

Below, you'll find a list of my original posts, most of which are filled with fact-finding, Clue-hunting screenshots that will probably leave you with more questions than answers! Several of these posts are also presented in partnership with the Ineffable Detective Agency:

Fanfiction:

From the GOMM holiday exchange: Cocoa and Fairy Lights, How to Fight Your Chemistry and Lose

GOMM 2024: Orbiting a Memory featuring a gorgeous illustration by @altonthebard

Fan Fiction Friday: The Universe Might Answer: Broken Moonlight

From the GO Song & Poetry Exchange: The Ineffable Dance

Good Omens Day of ✨Dance✨:

Learn all about my GO "Day of Dance" and get a link to all the fandom art I shared, here!

Time:

Gabriel's Memory Returns:

Plus, hidden audio in the memory tunnels?

The Appearing Sign:

Edinburgh and the Briefcase, presented by the Ineffable Detective Agency

The Bentley:

Crowley, Aziraphale, and the Statue:

Crowley's sideburns:

Crowley's sideburns aren't even consistent in the promo photos.

Extras Behaving Strangely:

Hawaiian Shirt/Pub Table Guy

Marking the Columns

The Demon in an Orange Hoodie

More Assorted Discontinuities:

When does Mr Arnold's shop arrive? After season 1, except Neil says it was in the 1970s

The disappearing textiles storefront

Season 1: First Wombat in Space (also, Bentley bullet hole decals)

The Clock and Other Furnishings:

The circular bookshop rug CHANGES?!

The Good Omens bookshop furniture changes between s1 and s2 (but NOT after Adam reboots reality!)

The Bookshop/Hospital Sink

The Opening Title Sequence:

The S2 Opening Title Sequence: analysis

Other Speculation and Questions:

On Neil's Tumblr asks, Staying Skeptical, and Gravity Falls

Finding hope for s3 and perspective for s2 in Neil's s1 podcast with David Tennant

The BTS parking ticket translation

Parallels with Nightmare in Silver (Doctor Who written by Neil) - multiple Crowleys?

Has Aziraphale been meeting with Floating Head Metatron throughout s2?

Would even vulnerable, heartbroken Crowley try to protect Aziraphale at all costs? A possible hidden transfer in the kiss.

I have questions about Nina and ESPECIALLY about Maggie...

Don't pay the guy with the blue glasses, he doesn't work here!

If you enjoyed my research, stay tuned for future posts, and take a look at my Google doc for even more Clues and metas from all over the fandom!

Some closing bits of encouragement:

A: "You just said it was the only way to prevent something terrible happening!" G: "Really? What?!" A: "I don't know!" G: "Well then, I expect it will be fine. Most things are fine in the end."

Neil: "Tell him that it will all be all right in the end, and that we are not yet at the end."

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selfaware-bungou-stray-dogs · 24 days

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The Purple Sign. Part X

Self-Aware! Ranpo Edogawa x GN! Reader

Description: There is a Purple Sign on your door. Part X

Fluff. Ranpo pampering

Warning: OOC. English is my second language.

Incoming Messages from Yukichi

"Code Purple. Bring as much as you can. Fidgets"

___________

For a person, who don't know the context, this message may seem strange. But, you knew exactly what Fukuzawa means.

You are supposed to go to the library and return home. But now, you will make the little detour.

You closed the message app and opened maps app, searching for the nearest candy store.

Ranpo was in a need of pampering, sweets, praise, and hugs.

It was a good thing, that you have your backpack with you.

_____________

You returned home, your backpack was full of sweets and snacks. Without paying attention to others, you walked into your room.

The Purple Sign was on your bedroom door.

You walked into the room, closing the door behind you.

The warm lights were on. They weren't suitable for reading, but, they were perfect for creating safe, cozy environment.

They would work better, if the curtains were also closed.

Ranpo was laying on your bed. He put himself in a blanket burrito. His eyes were open, he was looking somewhere in the distance. He looked tired.

You walked to your bed, opened your backpack and start putting sweets, snacks and soda cans on your bed, right before Ranpo.

He blinked, focusing his gaze on the sweets.

You didn't say anything to Ranpo, choosing to go to the window instead. You closed the curtains.

Now the room was bathing in comforting warm lights.

You still were silent. You got to your special shelf, opening the drawer with Ranpo's name on it.

You took a gaming console and a basket with fidget toys.

You put both items before Ranpo.

Finally, you took your beanbag from the corner of the room and put it before your bed. You sat down in it, waiting for Ranpo to do something.

Ranpo slowly sat up on the bed. He grabbed a bag of chips and opened it. In one hand, he took a stress ball from the basket. He started squeezing it. With the second hand, he took a chip.

For a few minutes he was enjoying his snacks, playing with various fidget toys.

From time to time, you were observing Ranpo with a corner of an eye, making sure not to stare, making Ranpo uncomfortable, and giving him space.

You heard, how Ranpo stand up from your bed. A bunch of unopened snacks and gaming console were put on the floor near your beanbag. Then Ranpo sat on your lap, holding into you, like a koala.

Despite not having many muscles, Ranpo can give a bear hugs, if he wants to.

You hugged him in return, putting one hand between his shoulder blades and put the second one on the top of his head.

You two were still silent. A few more minutes passed. Ranpo lose his grip on you and took a bag of candy from the floor. He put the bag between you two.

"Have them with me..." his voice was firm, but quiet. You nodded, taking a candy from the bag.

A bag of candy, few snacks and a soda later, Ranpo spoke again.

"The work was hard today. They again didn't like, that I was right. They were rude. On my way home, I broke the snake toy you gave me..."

Fidget snake was one of the many fidget toys you get for Ranpo. It has a segmented body and segment jiggle quietly, each time the snake was moved.

Ranpo, as everyone from BSD Cast, had some difficulties with getting used to the real world. So, you get Ranpo fidgets, to help him, if he got overwhelmed.

Lively Real World was too much of a contrast, in comparison to Almost Empty BSD Yokohama.

As for work...

"Private Investigation Bureau" (a.k.a. Armed Detective Agency, but without copyright infringement) quickly gained popularity in this town, including among the police.

And, of course, Ranpo was the most popular detective.

And, unfortunately, one of the most despised by the officers.

For police, Ranpo can be described by two titles: "Great Detective" and "Up tied Bastard".

Ranpo was admired by his logic, smarts and skills. But, he was also "despised" for his attitude. Ranpo was snarky, has sharp tongue and huge ego.

Of course, Ranpo was more than a detective manchild. Ranpo was a good, loyal friend. He has a golden heart underneath the layer of "he is a jerk".

To be fair, Ranpo wasn't rude, he simply ignored other officers and didn't call them "idiots". But, he likes to boast about his skills (and he had said skills).

Everyone, who try to learn Ranpo a little more, soon will learn, of how good of a person he was. Unfortunately, his new "colleagues" didn't want to know "Mr. Know-it-All" better. They made their mind and didn't want to change it. Even their thanks for Ranpo's job was fake and delivered through clenched teeth.

Ranpo didn't show it. But he was hurt by whispers behind his back.

He didn't care about their opinion. But Ranpo wanted to be part of the Real World.

You put a hand on Ranpo's cheek, making him look at you.

"Mother of lost child you have fond, almost choked you in her embrace. She was more than grateful for your work. She was grateful to you."

Ranpo remains silent.

"She wasn't the only one. Elderly couple, whose money were stolen, man, whose innocence you proved, teacher, whose car was hijacked, and much more people... You saved them, helped them. If it wasn't for your skills, they will either have to wait, before culprits were found, or won't receive any justice."

A small smile appeared on Ranpo's face.

"As for officers... They are jealous idiots, don't pay attention to them. Don't sweat over people, who won't appreciate your skills... And don't worry about the snake, you can take another fidget you want. Or I can buy you a new one."

Ranpo's smile turned into a grin.

"Right! They are little idiots, who needs The Greatest Detective in the World to do their job faster!"

Ranpo crashed you in another bear hug.

"And The Greatest Assistant of The Greatest Detective in the World are leagues above their assistants!" proclaimed detective.

You can't help, but smile. Ranpo was back to his normal self. Meanwhile, he hopped from your lap, grabbed the gaming console from the floor, kissed your cheek and pointed at your bed with his chin.

"Come on, Sweet Assistant, let's play some games, eat snacks and cuddle. We deserve it! Me for being great, you for being you."

You stand up.

"Of course, Master Detective, your plans are great as always."

_________

Ranpo fall asleep e the middle of the game, with his head on your chest. You cleaned your bed from empty bags as much as you can, without waking Ranpo. You managed to put blanket around you two.

You fall asleep, petting Ranpo's hair.

#self-awarebsd #self-awareau #bungou stray dogs au #bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd anime #bsd x gender neutral reader #gender neutral reader #Self-Aware Ranpo Edogawa #ranpo x you #ranpo edogawa x reader #edogawa ranpo x reader #ranpo x reader #bungou stray dogs ranpo #bsd ranpo #bsd edogawa rampo

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strawberrystepmom · 3 months

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fukuzawa x f!reader. cw alcohol is mentioned, age gap insinuated. i'm back with another weird will they or won't they situationship, everyone. wc 1.3k | divider by cafekitsune like usualllll

“Hello?”

Yukichi’s greeting nearly catches in his throat during the scramble to press his phone against his ear, cold tips of his fingers touching the heat of his earlobe. The warmth only began after he recognized your name on the device’s screen

“I’m surprised you picked up,” you tease from the other end of the phone. Stepping into your apartment, you bend your calf and lean downward to unbuckle the tiny strap of your heeled shoe while leaning against the wall. Sighing, you let the balls and arches of your feet touch the ground and your next words come out in a tipsy flutter, something you simply cannot help. “What are you doing?”

He can almost smell the subtle and clean apple and lemon notes of your favorite wine if he closes his eyes and tries hard enough. The pair of you have shared a bottle on more than one occasion and he only stopped accepting your invitation to drink when he realized he struggled to control himself with each sip and minute passed staring at the fullness of your lips. You made him vulnerable in a way he will never be able to afford being. There is no reason he should’ve answered your call but here he is, eyes glancing downward while he considers what to say next.

“Working, as always.”

You giggle at his answer and he can tell you are probably at least four glasses of wine deep solely based on the pitch of your laughter. The sound of the gradual removal of all of your clothing is audible through the speaker of his phone and he sighs, reaching up to pinch the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. Fukuzawa has been around the block long enough to be familiar with what the rustle of clothing, the lowering of zippers, and the swish of bare thighs rubbing against one another sounds like.

“And here I was hoping you were having a little fun tonight,” you tease while plopping down on your sofa in nothing but your panties. Not that he knows that (and not that you’ll tell him) but it only further increases the hazy glow of your good mood and you kick your legs behind you while resting on your stomach. “What are you working on, Fukuzawa-san?”

Letting go of the bridge of his nose and dropping his hand back down to rest atop his desk, he debates simply hanging up and ending your game before it can truly begin. The man is well aware of what you are attempting to do with this call and as much as he is a man, he is a professional first. He does not want to get drunk with you, he doesn’t want to spend time outside of professional settings with you, yet…

“You know I cannot give you that information.”

A defeated groan from you makes the man chuckle and he shakes his head. This call needs to end if not now then in the next thirty seconds and his foot taps impatiently while he tries to come up with an excuse. You are too forthcoming, although you make a paltry attempt to seem respectable when you aren’t wine soaked and clearly eager to talk to him. It makes it hard to tell you no because you will simply pout then further disarm him with another borderline intrusive question he isn’t sure he wants to answer. You are an itch he wants to scratch but it would be an indulgence to do so, for better or worse.

“Awww, come on. I worked at the agency too.” Shaking his head again, he eyes the paperwork in front of him. Your time at the agency was both a spring breeze and a period of great stress for its President. “You were a temporary secretary who has never had a right to know privileged information.”

The staffing agency you worked for requested your return for another assignment and you parted from the Armed Detective Agency with bouquets of flowers and requests for future meetings or dinners with everyone working there nearly a year ago. You also slipped a thank you note containing glowing words for Fukuzawa and his staff with your phone number written at the bottom for good measure, in case the glimmer of interest you caught was just that. Now here you both are, interchangeably wondering what the other thinks while keeping all the unsaid to yourselves.

Yukichi changes the subject rather than bothering to linger in the gray area of the unspoken.

“What are you up to? That seems like the more fascinating question to ask.”

Sighing, you shift and he hears it. He has never been to your apartment but given how relaxed he has seen you become at his home, he imagines you’re sprawled out somewhere or curled up in a pile of blankets, like a spoiled house cat which you tipsily admitted you felt you were more fit to be than a grown woman during your last catch up many months ago.

You’ve shared many, many things with him during tipsy evenings - your dreams of someday doing something meaningful with your life than fill-in secretary work, the past you’ve left behind, and your undeniable attraction to him being what encouraged you to poorly attempt to court him in the first place. All the reasons he decided to leave you be all those months ago.

“Oh, hmm…I had a few glasses of wine with a friend and on the way home, decided I wanted to catch up with you.”

A little piece of him wants to ask you to elaborate on the friend part although he isn’t entitled to such information. He reminds himself that he’s the one who decided to create distance between the two of you. This simple fact alone means he has no right to presume or ask or wonder.

“Lucky me,” he mutters sarcastically and you laugh raucously. He can picture the crinkle in your nose and your big smile all too easily and once more, he needs a reason to end this call. Can he pretend there is interference? Does that still work?

“I won’t keep you if you’re busy, I just missed the sound of your voice.” Another one of those terribly honest tipsy confessions and his grip tightens around his phone. Damn that loose tongue of yours. “I know we haven’t seen each other in a bit but I would love to catch up if you ever have the time.”

He hums and you know you are asking for more than he will give you, as usual. He took his space and you should have respected it despite the many occasions where your thumb lingered over his name. The temptation to call him and talk to someone who makes you feel understood has been almost too strong to overcome on several occasions, you've still managed to overcome. A lapse in judgment is all tonight was and his silence speaks volumes.

“I’m sorry for bothering you, I hope you have a good night and take care of yourself.”

Your voice grows distant while you yank the phone from your ear but noise from the other end makes you pause, raising a brow.

“Wait a minute.” You hear Fukuzawa’s request clear as day and stop from hanging up, gingerly pressing the phone back against your ear. “You don’t have to go but I would rather hear about you than talk about me.”

His mind is already filling in the blanks of your pout, remembering that you dislike being told no although it’s mostly for show.

“If you insist, Fukuzawa-san.”

Sighing, he wishes you’d stop using the formality. He wishes you’d stop calling, giggling, tempting yet he leans back in his chair with his eyes closed, mind greeting him with the vision of you.

A temptation he can’t afford yet is reluctant to deny himself.

#fukuzawa yukichi x reader #fukuzawa x reader #bsd x reader #kendall writes #cw alcohol #cw age gap #a reader in MY fics?? wine drunk and in her feelings??? it's more likely than you'd think.

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