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helianskies · 24 days

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ugly maths.

i hate maths, right. i don't usually like numbers, and if i do like numbers it's gotta be an 8 or a 48 and nothing else.

thing is, i've recently caught myself doing maths again. ugly maths. the kind of maths that, really, i've been trying to avoid as much as possible because, well, it's ugly!

you... wanna see?

okay, fine... but don't say i didn't warn you!

ugly, see? look at all those numbers! not a 48 in sight!

huh? what's that? you don't see what i'm on about? oh... oh! hang on, lemme just—

better? yes? no? no? okay, what if i—

mmh, yes. ugly numbers. see it now? can you see why they're ugly?

here, i can make it worse.

these numbers are ugly. the maths they make me do is ugly.

now i'll level with you: the worst ones by far are the yellow numbers. the maths they make me do it the ugliest.

why ugly?

because it makes me ugly.

those numbers turn me into not only a suddenly number-obsessed fool, but a fool who also cannot understand these numbers and what they mean and why i feel like they reflect on me and my ability.

87, 75.

the thoughts are as follows:

• the orange numbers are big, so why are you being ugly about the yellow ones? you should be happy with what you have. so many nice big numbers! not everyone receives that.

• is it that there are two different audiences for these two different fics? perhaps. they are quite different works, with different appeals, and different themes. maybe you are reading too much into it.

• why are you obsessing over numbers anyway? you don't like maths! you left maths behind when you were 16, put it down!

okay, okay, fine! i'll put the maths down. right here, in fact!:

that 87 was an 83 at the start of the year. the 6161 it is attached to was a 5453.

4, 708.

ugly maths.

the 75 is a nice number. in fact, compared to 87, it is beautiful, radiant, enchanting. at the start of the year, 75 was 48. wow. now that is one sexy number!

27.

mmmm.

6161, 1061.

5100.

87, 75.

12.

mmmm.

you know, my most favourite comment left recently on a fic of mine was 2 characters long: :(

it made me :)

well, actually, it made me >:) because it was left in response, presumably, to one of the key scenes in a new chapter which left the exact impression on someone that i hoped it would.

they must be the only one who reacted like that, though.

have i mentioned that that 87 and 75 include author responses?

i won't try to do more maths, there. it might not end well for me. the maths is making me tired enough as it is, and i have an early start tomorrow.

oh! but, that being said, i have another set of ugly numbers to show you, so keep 87 and 75 in mind.

ready?

838, 245.

(want a hint? the green numbers!)

838, 87. 245, 75.

9.6, 3.3.

ugly maths. it's ugly again, see? i don't like it. i'm seeing numbers within numbers within numbers, and i can't seem to stop!

the numbers make me ask new questions:

• why is it not good enough?

• people seem to engage more with one fic over the other, so shouldn't you prioritise?

• is all this maths this really good for you?

no, it isn't.

i want to avoid ugly maths. ugly maths makes me want to tear my hair out. it makes me want to start from scratch. it makes me want to grab someone and scream. it makes me want to cry and press a button that has tempted me many times before when the numbers become too ugly to bear.

ugly maths turn me into an ugly person.

ugly maths make me obsessive, paranoid, anxious, regretful, vindictive, spiteful, alone.

i hate maths. i hate numbers, just like, it feels, the numbers hate me.

#helia rants #cw vent #i'm okay but i'm not #this has been playing on my mind over the last couple of weeks #it's aimed at the sky rather than anyone here #i know i'm not the best myself as commenting. i justify it to myself by affirming i don't read much. which i don't.#since the start of the year i have tried to comment on everything i have read #bearing in mind i may also dm someone rather than comment because i want to scream and ramble about their fic more personally #that being said. i know i'm not the only one who finds themselves doing ugly maths #and in turn starting to feel uglier too #i don't like looking at the numbers #i was doing well at the start of the year #but as i open my drafts and look to a new chapter and at the notes i wrote #i can't stop myself from opening the fic. from seeing where it's at. from seeing if it's changed. from checking my inbox to see if...#if only...#what it's meant is that i've come to a point where a fic i loved has become exactly that: a fic i loved. past tense #the other fic is still a fic i love. but i know deep down that that is tied to the numbers too #i hate that this is what i've become #because i have tiny fics. fics with 50 hits and maybe 1 comment. and i love them. i still love them #but when it comes to the big ones. the multi-chapters. the hefty fics. after a point all i see are numbers #and those numbers have come to determine both my happiness and fulfilment as a writer #and so i am ugly. i am sad. i am pathetic.#and i don't know how to stop.#helia's stuff #this was meant to save back into my drafts. i was editing tags. tumblr decided it should post. so... so be it.#also this is not an attention thing if anyone dares go 'oh but you're a good writer uwu' i might do something we'll all regret #this is also not a 'ffs comment on my fics will you 😒' hell no #it's just about me. and my issue. and my unhealthy relationship with these fucking numbers.#gotta get this shit out of my head somehow :)

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jengarie · 3 years

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#showyourprocess !

From planning to posting, share your process for making creative content!

To continue supporting content makers, this tag game is meant to show the entire process of making creative content: this can be for any creation.

RULES — When your work is tagged, show the process of its creation from planning to posting, then tag up to 5 people with a specific link to one of their creative works you’d like to see the process of. Use the tag #showyourprocess so we can find yours!

Thank you, @rinielle for tagging me! She chose the piece above (original post), and oh boy this one was a whole ass rollercoaster ride! Unfortunately, I hadn't turned on the timelapse feature for this but I'll try to go through each part of the process as best as I can!

The photos I'm gonna upload are gonna be a mix of screenshots and literal photos of my screen, because I'm taking some of them from my updates to friends, since a lot of the steps got lost in my painting process.

But before that, let me tag some other amazing creators!

@dragonji: this gif art!

@candicewright: this yibo painting!

@wendashanren: this gifset!

@mylastbraincql: this gif!

I haven't been able to keep track of who's been tagged so apologies if you've already done this! Also, no pressure to do it at all if you would rather not! <3

Planning

Sometimes, I get an idea first and find reference photos to go with that idea. But for this one, I sought out a reference photo first, and built an idea on top of it!

After that, I roughly sketch out the base pose. Usually, this looks very messy, but it doesn't really matter as long as I understand which part goes where!

The idea for the background didn't really come until the creation process because I don't think I really planned this to be a full piece.

Creation

Sketching

Honestly, from this point on, it's more of trial and error.

So, I redid the the initial base pose—made it cleaner and a little bit more detailed. See: the added definition in their arm muscles, the rearrangement of Wei Wuxian's legs, and Lan Wangji's hand on Wei Wuxian's back. If you look at the second photo, I also changed the pose a bit midway—I tend to edit as I go sometimes when I change my mind. (For this, I thought, given the Lan arm strength, it would be better to make Lan Wangji look more at ease carrying Wei Wuxian. This gets covered by the robes anyway though, so it didn't matter much in the end.)

I also started adding details to the base! I usually start with the face and then the hair! I usually go for the clothes next, but I dreaded the robes in this piece so I guess that's why I ended up with a basic idea of what I wanted for the background instead LOL I also figured out how I want the final crop to look like, so I blocked out all the other areas with an extra layer!

Okay, onto the part that killed me like ten times: the robes. There are a lot of interactions between their robes here given their pose, and not to mention they also have layers upon layers on each of them! So, to maintain my sanity and to keep track of which part is which, I color coded them into the most colorful sketch I've ever made.

Another reason why I filled in each layer of robe with a solid block of color, is so that all the lines underneath gets covered. Without all of the colors, the actual outline actually looks like the one on the right. What a nightmare!

I also ignored the crop again for this part, because it's always better to draw past your borders, in case you decide to rotate or tilt or whatever your piece later on. I didn't do the feet anymore though, because that I was sure wouldn't show in the final piece anymore.

After that, I did the sketch one more time and then started adding the base colors. (I didn't have a screenshot of just the base colors, and the final CSP file is a nightmare so I copy pasted the layers into a new canvas to show you guys :') )

By the way, I drew their robes flowing this way, because I wanted it to frame the lower arch of the moon behind them for the composition. It was a little frustrating that I couldn't get Lan Wangji's robes a little higher because of Wei Wuxian's legs but I later filled in the empty space with his forehead ribbon anyway, so it all worked out in the end!

Painting

Because apparently, I was a masochist back then, I merged the base colors all into one layer and started adding shadows to the robes. (These days, I add shadows first and then, merge. It's much easier this way.)

And then, I started painting! Again, I did the face first and then the hair, before finally the robes. This was my first time painting side profiles and honestly it was quite a pain to figure out LOL but !!! I think I did a good job and I'm proud of how it turned out. I again used reference photos for this one but I can't link any because they were just several random Pinterest photos that I didn't save.

Another thing to note is that I use the mesh transform tool a lot, especially on faces. That's largely why Lan Wangji's face looks so different in the latter two!

And then I went with the robes. Somewhere along the way, I realized I didn't like how I planned to do Lan Wangji's sleeves and the flowy part of Wei Wuxian's robes and I... decided, with much dread, to do them over. So I sketched on top of the painted layers and redid the robes, again.

It was at this point that I decided to take a break from this piece because it was honestly very draining! I think it took about three weeks before I decided to open the file again and continue it.

When I did, I just finished painting the rest of the robes and their hands. The blue details on Lan Wangji's outer robes were painted on a separate layer that I put on Multiply. I probably did more adjustments to the face and hair and stuff, because my painting process is honestly a mess :')

Final Adjustments

I added some correction layers on certain areas to fix some of the colors. See: Lan Wangji's sleeve becoming much brighter and paler; Wei Wuxian's legs having less contrast. And then I merged all of the layers (excluding the background) and added a bit of blur. See: Wei Wuxian's ponytail; the entire lower part; the flowing forehead ribbon. My reasoning for this is so that most of the detail (and therefore the flow of the eye) goes to their faces and expressions!

And then, I put a blue Overlay layer on low opacity to make Wangxian blend better with the background, added a bit of shadow on the inside and the lower sections and added the glowing details for the added flair. I initially wanted sparkles and/or stars but they didn't turn out as well as this did. I also upped the contrast by a little for the entire piece!

Aaaand, that's it! In truth, I did a bit more color adjustments to the whole piece, but I was a dummy who forgot to turn them back on before posting so ... oh well.

Posting

Before posting, I upload it either on my spare private Twitter account or on a drafted Tumblr post so I can check the colors on my phone. This is because the colors on different devices can look very different, and I would at the very least want all my pieces to look nice on both of my devices!

And then, once I deem it satisfactory, I just try to think of a caption and post! Some artists wait for a certain time where most of their followers are active, but I didn't have a lot of MDZS followers at this point so it didn't really matter to me.

It still doesn't really; I haven't actually been able to figure out when my MDZS followers are awake even now.

#showyourprocess #mine #whew this was so long oops #but this piece took like #maybe 1.5 weeks sans the break i had to take #so !!#LOL #tag game

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inevitably-johnlocked · 4 years

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hey steph! how long would you say you spent on sorting out fic recs and tagging them and all that stuff? just curious because i really wanna start a fic rec blog too

Hey Nonny!

UGGGHHHH Tumblr deleted my entire response, so I’m going to just jot out what I remember.

Depending upon how long you’re willing to spend, a LONG time. You guys have NO idea how much work it is, and how much off-tumblr time I spend doing it. When I keep saying “it’s a full time job” it really is. The blogging you guys actually see takes about 2 hours, from filing my blog to answering a few asks here and there, but the rest is ALL filing my fics and creating lists.

Now, mine is “perfected to my liking” after two years of trial and error and headaches, but yeah, if you’re serious about becoming strictly a fic rec blog, prepare to put in a lot of time and effort. BUT to be fair, I’m ridiculous in my sorting and organizing... I have a weird OCD thing where I need stuff sorted in a certain way, and it takes longer than it probably should. But it works for me and it has become very streamlined now that almost all of my Ao3 bookmarks are finally sorted. In the beginning, when I decided I would start reccing fics, it was only meant to be a here and there thing, but then people kept coming to me more and more and that’s when I decided I needed to keep an offline list. So here’s some tips from me to you:

Keep offline lists. Tumblr fucks up enough that you WILL lose interest in redoing a big 50-fic list if tumblr decides that nope, today I don’t feel like posting your file because you didn’t refresh your page BEFORE typing it out.

Going along with the above, keep an offline masterlist of your read-and-tagged fics. All the recs I give you guys? They’re all on one of three list masterlists I have offline: GO Recs, FFNet Recs, and Ao3 Recs. This will be SO much easier for searching for topics when making new lists.

Do the lists WAY ahead of time. This has given me back many-a-Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday nights because I prep my lists ahead of time.

Develop the “public” system of filing for your things, and use that for your Masterlist, so you don’t have to redo it every time (so like don’t have just Ficname by author if that’s not what you want to do for your recs). For example, my system is this, emphasis included: Fic Name by Author (Rating, wordcount, Chapter count || WIP/AU if applicable || PODFIC LINK if applicable || list of personal and/or author tags here, even if they spoil the story; i’ve found some people with triggers appreciate that I tag EVERYTHING I find in the stories) – Author’s description or personal description if there isn’t one. Series link if it’s part of one. This way, all I have to do is copy-paste it into new documents for each list, and then copy-paste the whole list into the Tumblr doc.

Also, re: the above, do the layout in Tumblr if you’re doing a Tumblr rec blog. It keeps the formatting consistent and I don’t have to fix it between Ao3 and FFnet if I just copy-paste everything into a blank Tumblr doc, and then copy paste THAT onto the masterlist. Trust me on this one.

Draft everything. This goes along with all the above. I always “start” a list and put a big header so that I can find it in my drafts (that’s why they have the big bold H1 headers on them) and then hit “draft”. Then keep a list of your drafted fics in your preferred method of organization. I keep everything in Text Edit RTF files. I believe Alexx told me once she did spreadsheets. Either way, develop a system BEFORE jumping into this thing, because you will EASILY get overwhelmed if you aren’t used to high-stress levels.

Tag fics as you read them. Trust me on this one. Because it will save you MONTHS of re-reading every single bookmark so you can properly file fics. I do this on my Notes App with the story title, and then all the tags I know are popular requests or are for lists I know Nonnies have asked for.

Keep CONSISTENT in your tags. Don’t tag one thing O!verse but another Omegaverse. I had to redo a lot of my older tags because CMD+F was pointless on a document I purposely made to streamline the process.

USE Ao3′s TAGGING FEATURE for your bookmarks. Just make sure that if any of your tags are spoilerific, make sure you keep the rec private.

File EVERYTHING as soon as you bookmark it. It will save you a LOT of hours of going through all your recent bookmarks to file them.

That said, HAVE A FILING SYSTEM if you’re keeping everything offline. Keep separate documents for each list... Trust me on this. I used to just have one document each for Fluff fics, for example, and put subheaders in them, and it just got messy and annoying as my fic reccing became more common and plentiful. Instead, have a nice list like this, for instance:

The grey dots next to some of them are old filing methods that I need to fix and pull out. Also, as you can see, every time I finish a list, I file it into Posted and start a new list appended with a Pt number. It just keeps the system moving smoothly. I also have a system for the coloured dots; Grey is Old and refile, Orange is drafted on Tumblr, and Orange and Green means it’s drafted and ready-to-post.

I also have an offline “drafted posts document”:

That also has a system as you can see, but it keeps me knowing what I’ve already got drafted on Tumblr if I forget to tag the files with the colour dots.

It looks tedious and complicated, but I promise you, it’s really simple once you’re familiar with my method. Which is why I’m saying, you need to develop this kind of system REALLY early rather than 2 years later like I did. This drafted posts list is only recent as of... February I believe is when I started it.

Hmmm. Ah, yeah, so you can see it’s a lot of work, and this is why I absolutely dislike HateAnons negatively criticizing my lists, because it IS a lot of MY free time, between 8 and 48 hours a week. But if you truly enjoy sorting and organizing like I do, it’s a bit easier to cope with. So, yeah, whenever I tell you guys “I need some time away” this is why, and usually I switch to playing video games or doing art, both of which I miss doing on the weekends. I’m trying to keep the Tumblr stuff to mostly Weeknights these days, so that it’s an extension of my day job. Funny how I have less free time working at home than I did when I wasn’t; because I feel obligated to always be on my computer now, and I hate that. Like right now, I just bought 2 new games to play and I haven’t tried them yet because I’m always working both day-job stuff AND Tumblr stuff on weekends.

So yes, that’s another tip: Don’t let it consume you, and set a schedule. Don’t feel obligated to answer every request. When I am tired and I just genuinely don’t have the energy to dig through 1000+ fics to find 2 or three for an obscure ask, I usually make it an interactive ask – not only does it encourage community involvement and a sense of belonging for everyone, but I also discover new fics to read too! I am IMMENSELY proud and happy that my fic lists have essentially become “fic exchange” grounds. Before it was only on one or two lists, some timid new authors added their fics to my big lists, but now, since people SEE that I add their fics hidden in the notes to the main post, now everyone is happy to share their faves on the main lists AS WELL AS the smaller single asks. I like to think of myself of a “curator of happy things” so that’s what I like to do with these.

That said, you have to also decide if you’re going to be this interactive as well. Because that adds an ADDITIONAL hour or so as you make a separate “MFL” document and file those too. It’s time consuming, but totally worth it because if I’ve read the fic, all I have to do to that post in my MFL list is add my tags and file that block of text :)

I hope I helped you out a bit, Nonny, and I hope you guys enjoyed seeing a bit of my process. If I can get OBS to work on my laptop, maybe I’ll do a short video so you guys can see me doing it live.

Anyway, sorry this got long. :P

#steph replies #johnlock fic recs #about me #my blog #tutorials #my advice

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dvp95 · 5 years

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quiet on widow’s peak (2)

pairing: dan howell/phil lester, pj liguori/sophie newton/chris kendall rating: teen & up tags: paranormal investigator, youtuber phil lester, dan howell is not a youtuber, online friendship, slow burn, strangers to lovers, nonbinary character, trans character, background poly, phil does some buzzfeed unsolved shit and dan is a fan word count: 3.2k (this chapter), 6.4k (total) summary: Phil’s got a list of paranormal experiences a mile long that he likes to share with the world. Abandoned buildings, cemeteries, and ghost stories have always called his name, and a particular fan of his has a really, really good ghost story.

read this chapter on ao3 or here!

"Do you remember the Wilkins place?"

"I'm well, thanks." Martyn's voice is dry, and Phil finds himself grinning at the wall despite himself. "How are you?"

"Good," says Phil. It's mostly true, although he could do without the piles of clothes he's sorting through. He holds his phone between his shoulder and his ear as he picks up a top of Sophie's and starts a whole new pile that he's calling delicates, aka things he's absolutely going to screw up somehow. "People think the Wilkins place is haunted."

There's a beat. Presumably, Phil's brother is trying to fit the name into adolescent memories to see where it slots in. "Oh, that wreck in Rusholme? It hasn't been condemned yet?"

"Apparently it's still a hot spot for binge-drinking teenagers," Phil says.

"Well, sure. But haunted? Really?"

"That's what I said!"

Phil feels a little vindicated by the skepticism in Martyn's voice, to be honest. His friends hadn't taken his weird feeling seriously at all.

"I mean, it's a dump," says Martyn. "More likely to be haunted by a bunch of rats than anything else. Why haven't we heard this before?"

"According to my sources," Phil says, only feeling a bit ridiculous about referring to a bunch of strangers on the internet as 'sources', "the activity only recently started. Which makes me think that someone's lying, or maybe one incident kickstarted everyone else's imaginations?"

"Both could be true. Why don't you ask Ian to go check it out?"

It's not exactly a sore spot, but something inside of Phil still twinges at the question. "He's a little busy, isn't he."

"So am I," Martyn says in that same dry, familiar tone that makes Phil feel as comforted as his mum's fretting or his dad's bad jokes do. "And yet here you are, on my phone."

"You don't have a toddler," Phil points out.

"I don't? Yet here you are..."

Phil snorts a laugh and drops all of the socks he's gathered into an empty basket. It's as good a place to start as any. "Shut up, Mar. I'm at least six."

There are, literally, enough dirty socks and pants between the four of them that Phil has a whole load of just underthings. He spares a moment to be grateful to Sophie for not including her bras, because he'd have no idea where to begin with those. He sighs and picks up the basket, fitting it against his hip with one hand so he can hold his phone with the other.

"Well, I can ask around," says Martyn. "I think my friends might be past the point of sneaking into abandoned houses to party, but maybe they've heard something from their annoying little brothers."

"Ha, ha," Phil says dryly. "Think I should contact some of the people making these claims?"

"Deffo," says Martyn. "If you can record them, it'd be best."

"Yeah, that way I can use them in the video," Phil hums, setting his basket on the washer and opening every cupboard to try to find the detergent. "I mean, if they're okay with that, obviously."

"I actually meant because your bullshit detector is dysfunctional, so me or Peej will have to tell you if someone's lying."

"Wow, rude. Whose fault is that?"

"Yours," Martyn informs him dryly. "Just because I told you Santa would pull you up through the chimney doesn't mean you had to believe me."

Phil rolls his eyes, but he's grinning. Maybe it's just a big brother thing, or maybe it's their personalities, but Martyn isn't wrong - Phil has a hard time telling when someone is lying to him. Martyn was always good at lying with a straight face and seeing right through Phil's outlandish stories.

"I still blame you," says Phil.

"Alright," says Martyn. "When are you coming to visit?"

"Probably not ‘til after this one," Phil says slowly, glancing at the kitten calendar on the fridge. They'd let one of their milder housemates pick this year's after everyone got tired of looking at Chris' previous choice of nude knitted puppets.

"Yeah? You gonna head up north for this one?"

In the very last cupboard he checks, Phil finds the detergent. He wants to be annoyed about it, but the truth is that Holly's habit of switching around the kitchen when she's anxious has saved many a pack of biscuits from expiring behind some flour. Phil has never once been useful to anybody when he's having a meltdown, so.

Phil absentmindedly loads the washer while he considers Martyn's question. Maybe it would be best to check the place out for himself, see if anything's really going on. He likes being on-site best, trusts his own gut more than he trusts strangers' eyes.

The problem, of course, is that Phil's childhood home is up for sale, he has no money for a hotel, and Ian's gone and got himself a child. The last thing Phil wants to do is impose or, like, get roped into babysitting. A trip to Manchester might be out of the question for him right now.

"Maybe," Phil says, noncommittal.

Martyn sees through him in an instant, like always. "Want me to ask Mum if they've got any viewings next weekend? I'm sure you know not to trash the place."

"Have I ever once trashed the place? Don't answer that," Phil adds, remembering the shaving cream incident.

A huff comes down the line, and Phil feels the same pride at making his brother laugh as he had when he was seven and making weird noises out the car window. Yeah, he definitely needs to go to London soon, the Isle afterwards - he hasn't seen his family in way too long.

"I'll let you know what's buzzing, if anything," says Martyn. "And I'll call Mum for you and all. I know you get weird about asking them for favours."

"I get weird about asking anyone for favours," Phil says instead of a thank you, because if he gets weird about asking for help, then Martyn gets twice as weird about reacting to gratitude.

"Except me."

Phil smiles, watching the rainbow of socks and pants spin. "Yeah. Except you."

Laundry does end up taking Phil most of the day, but he doesn't mind much. It's the least he can do when Chris always does the first draft edit for him, PJ reminds him to take his EMF meter and his meds when he's packing for an overnight, and Sophie sends him pages upon pages of research while she's at work. He's so fond of these people, and he appreciates all they do for him, but being in debt to them - and not in sole control of his projects - makes Phil feel like he's got ants crawling up his arms.

While he waits out the machine cycles, Phil starts putting feelers out into this story. He checks the sources linked to him again and shoots off a couple of direct messages and emails to see if any of the people posting about the Wilkins place are eager to chat one on one.

He's got his laptop set up at the kitchen table and he's on his third coffee of the day when it occurs to him that he's not out of the woods of owing favours just yet. He clicks back into the Tumblr submission that started this spiral.

He decides that he needs to thank this person, at the very least, and maybe offer to buy them a coffee or something when he's in town. They did so much of Phil's grunt work that it feels weird not to pay them back somehow.

"Well, I can't exactly do your laundry," Phil murmurs to the screen. He hopes none of his other housemates are milling around to hear him.

Another click, and he's on the blog. It's minimalist and monochrome in a way that makes things easy to read, but not very interesting to look at. Phil's eyes start to glaze over as he scrolls through, because it's entertaining enough but - well. It's a typical Tumblr blog. That familiar mixture of memes and rants about social issues and some gifs from shows that Phil doesn't have time to watch. There are a lot of familiar walls of text tagged as personal posts, but Phil still can't parse them without really trying.

They do reblog Phil's video posts, though. That makes him grin.

He scrolls back up to the top of the page to shoot them a message and immediately gets distracted by the bio.

winnie. 21. any pronouns.

For someone who sent Phil a wall of text that could be mistaken for copypasta at first glance, it's surprisingly succinct. Phil takes another swig of his coffee and tries not to get caught up on the last part of it.

Any pronouns? What does that mean, any pronouns? What if Phil uses the wrong ones? He isn't exactly a queer theory student, and as much as he supports everybody under his little rainbow umbrella, he's got to admit that a lot of things still go over his head.

He dithers for so long that his laptop screen goes black, and he makes a face at himself in its reflection. Surely he's overthinking this.

Hi!, Phil types, and then accidentally hits enter. He was just trying not to send the fan a paragraph back, but, fine. Oops. So I'm looking into the things you sent me on the Wilkins place and I'm really impressed by the amount of time you put into this? Like it makes MY job a lot easier haha. Is he a triple-texter? He's a triple-texter. The first one didn't count anyway. So thanks!!!!! I'll def give you credit in the video, but is there anything else I can do to pay you back?

Not literally, he wants to add right after he's sent it. Oh, well. He can't just keep spamming this poor person's chat. He hopes it's obvious that he'd offer monetary compensation if he had it.

Phil leaves the Tumblr tab open and works on editing for a little while. It's almost frustrating how bad this video is, how little effort and energy Phil has started putting into these, and he doesn't know how to fix it short of rethinking his entire career.

He could easily keep churning these out for as long as people watch them, but. He's not having fun anymore.

The Phil on his laptop screen is asking questions, wandering around a cemetery just to see if anything will happen, and Phil can't help comparing it to things he did last year, the year before that, the year before that - it feels like his content is declining as his enthusiasm for the topic does, or maybe vice versa.

Phil zones out for so long that the dryer chime goes off from the hallway, echoing through the old, creaky house. He'd given up on sorting the loads after the fifth shirt that could belong to any of them, so he just takes his own things out and folds his housemates' clothes into one basket.

They can figure it out, he's sure. There's only two bedrooms between the three of them, so there's only two closets, and Phil has gone so long without knowing who's officially sharing that it would be awkward to ask now.

Phil swaps the load over and goes back to his laptop, even though the very last thing he wants to do is continue editing and uploading this mediocre video.

The thing is, Phil doesn't need his content to be perfect. He's happy to post things that just make him laugh or have a nicely spooky vibe or whatever, he doesn't need to solve mysteries every month or two. It's just that. He can hear how little he cares about it, lately. It won't be long before people notice, if they haven't already.

Phil sighs and exits the project. Maybe this video is best left unposted. He's not happy with it at all.

Maybe, if this Wilkins place video doesn't pan out, Phil can start redirecting his energy into a different type of creative output. He's got so many stories bouncing around in his mind, he just needs to figure out how he wants to tell them.

It sounds like his father's voice inside his head, telling him you can't chase ghosts forever. He wishes he still had the gumption to disagree with it.

His laptop makes a little noise, and Phil blinks back to reality. He has to click on a few different tabs to figure out where it came from, but then he realises that he's gotten a response on Tumblr.

Phil smiles despite himself and gets ready for another difficult-to-read message.

Sure enough: UHHHHHH hi hello what the fuck i didnt expect you to say anything this is so weird i am being so weird right now um like no problem? i was procrastinating an essay and this was more fun to research so you dont have to thank me or pay me back whatever that means like i was just fucking around its fine but thank you?????

Phil thinks about the four word Tumblr bio again and snorts. Maybe Winnie wanted to seem as cool and minimalist as their theme itself was.

Procrastination or not, I appreciate it!, Phil replies. Would it be ok if I use you as a reference?

?????????????? i mean yeah but what the fuck, he gets back almost immediately.

It's nice to see you know some punctuation! Sorry if it's weird to reach out like this, I just wanted to like acknowledge the work you put in. I don't have to mention you in the video if you'd prefer!

The sound of the front door creaking open and slamming shut interrupts Phil's nervous typing. He freezes for a moment, fingers still on the keyboard, but then PJ comes in the kitchen with a little salute and several bags of craft supplies, and Phil can breathe again.

It isn't that the other people who live in this house are bad people. Far from it. It's just that, of the people Phil has opted to share this large space with for nearly two years, only three of them have made any kind of effort to understand Phil. The others are nice enough, he supposes, but sometimes they come and go and new people replace them and - Phil isn't exactly good with change, is the thing.

So he relaxes when he can talk to PJ instead of making small talk with someone who thinks he's weird and too messy. "Hey! How's your day?"

"Better than yours," PJ laughs. He drops all the bags on the table and starts puttering around the kitchen. "Hungry?"

"Please. And it wasn't so bad, I got some work done."

"Yeah? Any new info on the new haunt?"

It's incredible how genuinely interested PJ always is in Phil's work. Phil grins down at his keyboard and shrugs a bit. "Some. Mostly just poking around right now, though. Mar's asking his friends too. Oh, and I thanked the person who sent it in."

"That's good," PJ says. He's putting the kettle on, because that's what PJ does when he comes home. "How'd they react?"

"Mostly confusion," Phil laughs. He glances at his screen to see if Winnie has responded - they haven't - and chews on his lip a little bit. "Hey, Peej? If someone says any pronouns are fine, what does that mean?"

"Generally," PJ hums, "it seems like it would mean any pronouns are fine."

"Oh, shut up." Phil runs a hand through his hair, always anxious about getting stuff like this wrong.

"I'm not joking," PJ says, although his tone is still light.

"Oh. So it just... doesn't matter?"

"Not to some people, I guess." PJ leans against the counter as he waits for the water to boil. At least he's smiling, although Phil can't help but notice that it's a little patronizing. "You do know that I'm not a gender guru, right? I'm barely a gender novice. I failed gender out the gate, buddy."

Phil knows his cheeks are pinking up a bit, but he rolls his eyes. "Shut up," he repeats. "You still know way more than me."

The shrug he gets in response makes Phil huff a laugh. This isn't something they talk about, but Phil has been present for enough of Chris and PJ's conversations that he'd gotten the idea.

He wonders if PJ cares that he's bringing it up. Is he making PJ uncomfortable? They don't talk about this.

"Stop spiralling," PJ says easily. His smile is warmer, now. "I don't hate you, nobody hates you, and the fan who doesn't care about pronouns certainly doesn't hate you. If you're that worried about upsetting them, though, you can always ask."

Maybe he's known PJ too long. He's grateful for it, still, so relieved that he doesn't have to voice the swirling anxiety of doing something wrong when he only has the best intentions.

"I guess I could do that," Phil mutters, embarrassed by how easily he's been read.

Winnie's responded by the time Phil looks back at the chat window, a lmao yeah ofc thats fine i just cant believe you want to, im not trying to b weird ive just been a fan for a really long time?? (used a comma for you too) (and brackets) (youre welcome) that makes Phil smile.

Awesome! And are the name Winnie & they/them pronouns fine to talk about you with, or do you prefer something else for this?

no yeah thats good idc how you refer to me, is Winnie's immediate response. It's stupid how much of a load feels like it's been lifted off of Phil's shoulders at that easy reassurance.

"You were right," Phil informs PJ.

PJ nods, solemn, as he stirs his noodles. "I often am."

"You're annoying, also," says Phil. "Hey. D'you wanna come up north with me?"

"Phil," says PJ dramatically, holding the wooden spoon up to his heart. "Are you asking me to run away with you?"

"No, absolutely not, stop making that joke." There's no way in hell Phil is going to keep putting up with this from both of them, and PJ is more likely to listen to him than Chris is.

PJ laughs. "Yeah, yeah. You going to see the haunt?"

"If my parents are okay with us hanging out for the weekend, yeah."

"Oh, okay," says PJ. "We're just waiting on confirmation that Kath and Nigel want to spend time with you? Might as well pack now."

"Your stuff's folded," Phil says helpfully. PJ throws a noodle in his general direction. It flops onto the floor between them, a sad, wet spiral of a thing, and Phil touches his nose at the same time PJ does.

"Well, one of us has to pick it up," PJ says in his Reasonable Adult voice, as if he hadn't thrown it in the first place.

Phil looks at his laptop, valiantly pretending not to see the floor noodle, and blinks.

and i mean i havent seen any of this shit firsthand but if you need to ask me anything about the stuff thats gone down im always free. like literally always.

#phanfic #phanfiction #dnp fic #phan #words words words #quiet on widow's peak

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eldritchsurveys · 4 years

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914.

1) What are some positive things, realizations or habits that came out of quarantine for you? >> I think I’m going to have to actually follow at least one survey taker because I’m tired of having to go to their actual blog every time I want to find surveys (Lane stopped appearing in the #survey tag for me around the time that tumblr updated the dash, for some reason, and he’s probably not the only one but I haven’t figured out who else got axed yet). So if you get a follow from aynrandslashfiction, it’s just me. EDIT: Realised I didn’t answer the question, pfffft. The best thing that has come out of pandemic for me is physical distancing, tbh. I mean, I’d prefer to not have the pandemic, of course. I’ve been dealing with people’s inability to maintain personal space for years and I would continue if I had to, but, you know.

2) How do you feel about people who are “workaholics”? Would you consider yourself one? How do you personally maintain a work-life balance? If you aren’t working, what personal activity or task takes up most of your time? >> I feel the same way about workaholics that I do about any other kind of -holic -- they’re probably escaping something in their life/past that they find intolerable, and I also feel like I would not want to get emotionally involved with them.

3) How financially responsible would you say you are? What could you spend less money on? >> As financially responsible as I can be on an income that is not meant to be liveable. It’s not like I can be terribly irresponsible, because I just don’t have enough money to blow in the first place.

4) How would you describe yourself as a friend? What value would you say you bring to your friends? >> I don’t know how to describe myself as a friend. I don’t know what makes me valuable in a human interaction at all. This is the kind of understanding that is helped by testimonials from other people, and I don’t have enough data.

5) In psychology they say that our romantic relationships are an extension of our relationships with our parents, and that we tend to choose our partners based on whatever was lacking in our childhood, or that we are attracted to traumas and sufferings that are familiar to us rather than the unknown. Can you relate to this? >> Of course I can relate to that.

6) Is there a specific type of survey you miss taking? How or where do you find new surveys to take these days? >> I mean, I don’t know. I don’t find new surveys very easily these days because there’s just not a lot of new ones being made, not like back in the day. That’s partially why I decided to follow along with the 5k Survey -- at least I know I don’t have to worry about finding new surveys for a while (and I can save-to-draft the good surveys I do run into, so I have a nice little pile of ones to take in between 5k entries, or in the future).

7) Do you still care about tags on surveys? When you see surveys that you know don’t credit the maker nowadays, how do you feel? >> I don’t care about it because it just doesn’t seem like much of a priority. If there’s already a tag on it, I usually just leave it there.

8) Is there anyone in your life who knows about your survey-taking habits? How would / do you explain the concept of our community to someone, if you ever have to? >> I’m relatively sure Sparrow knows about it, since I’ve been taking them for years, and I also occasionally mention them in conversations. It’s pretty easy to explain, I think, although my explanation varies depending on the person’s familiarity with the internet. Sometimes I reference MySpace bulletins or Quizilla, sometimes I describe them as open-ended essay questions taken for fun and introspection, etc.

9) What happened the last time you had a disagreement or falling out with a friend? Or the last time you had to apologize to someone? >> I don’t remember. It probably just went badly.

10) Can you tell when you are not well-liked? What do you do when you feel someone is not particularly fond of you? Can you remember the last time you were in that situation? >> I don’t know if I can tell or not. I guess it depends on the person and their level of aggressiveness -- some people are more obvious about their dislike for other people than others are. And as far as what I do, it depends on who the person is and what kind of mental health day I’m having. Sometimes I don’t care, but other times my brain gets stuck on a loop trying to figure out what I did wrong. Either way, even if my brain is on negativity-loop central, I still don’t try to convince them to like me or anything. I know better than that (and most of the time I don’t actually want them to change their mind, it’s not about that -- it’s just the shame spiral).

11) How would you say your preference in movies or TV shows changed from when you were a teenager vs. now? >> I think I still like the same stuff, I’ve just added even more stuff that I like now.

12) Apart from price and location, what are some deciding factors when choosing a house for you? What is something you love the most in your current home, and what would you change if you could? >> For me, my needs revolve around having my own bedroom, having a decent-sized bathroom and kitchen, and having enough windows. There are other things that I might like too, like hardwood floors, that are just hard to get along with all the other stuff (idk what everyone’s obsession with carpet is, but god, is it hard to find non-carpeted apartments that are within budget and have the other most important boxes checked). What I like most about this apartment is that I have my own room, tbh. Otherwise it’s pretty unremarkable.

13) Do you know any “influencers” in real life? How much are you actually likely to follow an influencer’s advice or recommendations? >> I don’t. I have sub-zero interest in influencers and I think the concept is rather socially and personally damaging.

14) What emotion is the hardest for you to express? Can you think of a time when you felt force or successfully expressed this emotion? >> All emotions are impossibly hard for me to express unless I’m alone (and even then, if the shame spiral starts, you can best believe I’ll even deny my emotions to my own fucking self). I’ve been trying to work on it -- not expressing emotions around others, that’s going to take a while, just... expressing them to myself -- and let me tell you, it’s a lot of work. What’s it like to have parents that did not completely retard your emotional and social development, setting you up for a string of human relationships that also further reinforce the idea that your emotions are huge disgusting ugly things that should be ignored at best and punished at worst?

15) How do you feel about job interviews? Are you good at negotiation? Was there a time when you felt you didn’t do so well during the interview, but still got the job? >> I have never been on a proper job interview, and I’m pretty sure I would bomb it just by being... you know. Not neurotypical. (I could fake it for an interview, sure, but here’s the problem with that: if it works, and I get hired, then they’ll expect me to behave like that. Which I do not, normally. And the only thing worse than not getting hired in the first place is having a horrible time on the job, failing miserably at things, pissing everyone off, and eventually getting fired.)

#surveys #survey #random survey #oof. just remembered that i /used/ to follow lane and then hallie manipulated me into unfollowing him #god. what a fucking mess. what a fucking. mess

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accio-spaceman · 4 years

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A Tag Meme Thing

I was tagged by @basmathgirl – thank you, this was really interesting!

Author Name: Accio-Spaceman on Tumblr, and Accio_Spaceman on AO3 and Instagram.

Fandom You Write For: Doctor Who (mainly Ten/Donna), Much Ado About Nothing (Beatrice/Benedick), and Tatennant Crossovers. A couple of my WIPs expand into other fandoms too, but they’re mostly crossovers with (at least) one of those three.

Most Popular One-Shot: On AO3, it’s “Stupid Hero Complex” (Beatrice/Benedick), and on Tumblr it’s “At An Aquarium” (Peter/Nellie). I was kind of expecting it to be a Ten/Donna one, but it’s interesting to see such a difference between what’s most popular on the different sites.

Most Popular Multi-Chapter Story: My “Onwards” (Ten/Donna) series. It feels weird to call it a series when it’s only 1258 words, but I posted it as two separate fics so that’s what AO3 has deemed it. Weirdly this one was much more consistent with Tumblr that the one-shots were.

Favourite Story You Wrote: Hmm… I quite like “There Was A Star Danced” (Theresa/Roderick), partly because I just love the imagery of a costume ball, but also because it was probably one of the easiest to write in terms of the words just flowing without much effort. I also really enjoyed writing “Heroes And Villains” (Nellie/Peter) with @imnotacommittee.

Story You Were Nervous To Post: I get nervous pretty much every time I post anything, but “Broadschool Learning Revolution” (Tatennant Hogwarts AU) was my first multi-chapter fic, and the first time I’d attempted to juggle so many characters, plus it was the first thing I’d really done which had much plot to it rather than just fluff. Unfortunately I probably spent too long planning it, because by the time I actually came to write it I ran out of steam about 4 chapters into what was meant to be an epic series of multiple “books”… Who knows though, I might come back to it some day!

How Do You Choose Your Titles: To be honest it varies quite a lot. Sometimes I have a title before I even start writing the fic, and use it more like a prompt. (Although sometimes when using this method I do change the title afterwards to better fit what I’ve written.) For a couple I just opt for “what-it-says-on-the-tin”, like with “At An Aquarium”, or pick a significant line of dialogue, but generally I like to but a bit more effort in to come up with something clever; a play on words or something with a double meaning. Often they tend to come quite easily, but sometimes I’ll spend time googling phrases or pop culture references that might be relevant. I think “After The Masquerade” might be my favourite title so far.

How Many Of Your Stories Are:

…Complete: 33 out of 36. Since my Hogwarts AU I decided not to post anything until it was complete, but I still have a couple hanging over that I haven’t got back to yet… (“Broadschool Learning Revolution”, “Much Ado About Loves’ Labours Lost” and an old “Cinderella AU”.)

…In Progress: Other than the three above, I currently have 156 WIPs and ideas saved on my laptop, of which I’m actively working on maybe 20? (I feel a lot better about having so many after reading the @basmathgirl has a similar number!)

…Coming Soon: I’ve got about 5 one-shots that are nearly ready to go, 3 multi-chapter works that need a bit more time, and maybe 2 series feel like they’ve been in the works forEVER.

Do You Accept Prompts? Yes! I’m always open to suggestions, but I will warn you that sometimes they sit in my drafts for quite a while before they get posted if I’m struggling with inspiration, but I always try to do something with them, even if it ends up being a photo edit or aesthetic/collage instead of a fic.

I tag: @imnotacommittee, @thenoblelark, and @fangjy.

#tag meme #becca does a meme #becca speaks #becca writes #basmathgirl #amy #georgie #mickey #stupid hero complex #at an aquarium #onwards #there was a star danced #heroes and villains #after the masquerade #broadschool learning revolution #becca goes to hogwarts #much ado about loves labours lost #cinderella au #wips

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siarven · 7 years

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Tagging Game :D

Thank you so much @jfictitional for tagging me – and I know that it took me incredibly long but I finally found some time and so here are the answers :D

Rules: Answer the ten questions given and write ten new ones for ten other people.

1) What do you consider your most consistent or fruitful source of inspiration?

I’ve got a folder called “Reference and Inspiration” on my laptop and inside are lots of folders with digital and traditional art, writing prompts, short stories and films, photography… on lots of different topics. Some of these are meant as a reference (especially my collection of anatomy references, or stock images or things like that) but most are just things I find inspiring and beautiful. Whenever I want to create something but have no idea what exactly I want to make I look inside that folder and just browse through it, and by now it’s about 38GB big :D

2) Have you ever been surprised by the direction a work in progress took?

YES. All the time, and it doesn’t even matter if it’s writing or painting or sculpting. In my current writing project there was this one scene that was just supposed to be a sort of “transitional” scene of max. 500 words? Only, suddenly it was 11K long and opened a lot of new avenues XD I ended up cutting that scene but took the idea and put it somewhere else where it would create a bit more conflict :) Also I wanted to sculpt a reptile-like creature but now it’s got fur because scales just didn’t seem to work out all that well. Hm. Sometimes WIPs just actually want to become something else xD

3) What is your oldest story idea you have yet to act upon?

Uh… I acted on most of my story ideas, most of the early ones were just really horrible and didn’t get to be longer than a few chapters xD I still have about 4 or 5 first drafts of things that never got even close to finishing (most of them started during NaNoWriMos) and the oldest one of that has at least 300K words invested in it already. As in, I started writing it during NaNo and continued on with that for some time, then I invested some time in the worldbuilding and especially the magic system, then I re-wrote it, and then I put it to rest for some time with the decision to come back to it when I’m better at writing – it’s a very complex story with 12 POV characters that had already developed into a trilogy because it kept getting more and more detailed. It’s kind of difficult to explain but even after four years I still really want to get back to it because it was the first actually kind of “good” idea I had that wasn’t half a knock-off of the latest great book I’d read (which often happened to me when I was younger^^). If I do return to it, I’ll change a lot of the plot. I still love the worldbuilding and magic system though :)

4) Do you try to hold yourself to a particular goal when writing (such as x number of words per day, or hitting a particular plot point before stopping)?

I try to write at least an hour every day which sometimes works nicely… and sometimes not that well. So it’s more of a commitment goal rather than a plot or word goal. I’ve participated in NaNoWriMo and Camp NaNo since four years without skipping even once, and I never wrote less than 50K -- so I know that I can write a lot in a month. Quantity isn’t really my problem, quality is. It usually ends up being rather unsatisfying because I get frustrated with where the plot is going, or with the pacing. So even if I do write 100K or 150K I usually throw that away afterwards and start again, taking only the idea or the characterizations of the characters that I’ve worked out during those drafts. And that is a bit frustrating :P So I’ve stopped caring about word goals, more or less, and now it’s more plot point goals, or finishing chapter X or scene Y before stopping :> At least writing an hour a day if I can manage =)

5) How do you read? (For example, I read the words aloud in my head, and give each character a voice, and cast all the parts, and-)

Hm, I never thought about that! I think I read the words aloud in my head, too, imagining the landscape and the places, how it would feel to be there. I’m a very empathetic reader so I often have to put a book away during a scene that’s too embarrassing or has too much conflict between characters I care about. I have a lot of secondhand embarrassment and usually have to stop reading when something like that happens, or when I can see where a plot goes and really don’t want that to happen. Also, I really don’t like characters that are just black or white cut-outs, good or evil, with no grey morality. And I kind of lost the question here xD

6) If you were to collaborate with someone on a project, who would your first choice be?

I’m actually not sure about that because I’ve got a lot of amazing friends, some of whom aren’t on tumblr in the first place. Probably @romenna because we came up with a horribly amazing dystopian novel parody idea about one year ago … which we still need to write one day XD I’ve never collaborated with someone on a writing project before, though.

7) What is your process for coming up with character names?

In many cases the name is one of the first things I have when I create a character, funnily enough. Or I just go to one of the many name collection lists I’ve saved on my hard-drive. Or I visit one of the many character name generators. Usually I end up slightly changing a generated or found name so I like the sound better, or it fits better into the story that I’m writing. There’s also the name generator on scrivener where you can search for a specific meaning which has been extremely helpful on many occasions :)

8) When your writing is frustrating you, what do you do to blow off steam?

Paint, watch Brooklyn Nine Nine, sing... ignore it for a few days until I can’t any longer :P

9) With so many other things to do in life, why write?

I don’t even know. I can’t remember a time when I didn’t invent stories, it’s been something I do since what feels like forever. Back when I was still really small I sometimes made up bedtime stories for my little brother during summer vacation (when we didn’t sleep in different rooms, on “special” occasions). I also used to tell them out loud to myself, never knowing where they would go but just wanting to find out, when I couldn’t sleep. I still do that when I can’t sleep, but by now I don’t have to talk out loud anymore :P It’s a bit like drawing/painting, I’ve done both of those things for as long as I can remember and I wouldn’t be myself without them. Part of the reason why I study film (as in 3D Animation and VFX) is because you tell stories using images. Even if I’ve now decided to somehow become a creature concept artist one day (no matter how long that takes or how hard it is… I’ll find a way :D) I’ll never give up writing because of that, and I’ll also never stop working on my stories. It’s always been incredibly difficult for me to decide which one is more important and I still don’t really know the answer so I’ll just do both and find out where that leads me 😊

10) When you finish a story, who is the first person you’d want to show it to?

Especially with the story I’m writing right now that’s @yoojas3d :D She’s incredibly supportive and I’m really happy to be her friend :D Also she read the first draft which is entirely horrible in addition to being the first story I ever finished and a NaNoWriMo non-edited first draft, and she was still supportive of it, even after finishing. She also helped me immensely with her feedback :)

Soooo… Now that I’ve finally managed to answer these questions I need to come up with some new ones for:

@madmooninc, @romenna, @ink--and--paper, @ephirae, @merigreenleaf, @mythopoet-hime, @brynwrites, @goodbibarbarella, @afragilestrongsoul, @yoojas3d

1. What’s the last book that you read/are reading, and do you like it or not? Would you recommend it to other people?

2. Favourite book/ book series and why?

3. Name a character that you love to hate.

4. If you could switch places with one character, who would it be?

5. Do you prefer to write by hand or computer?

6. What’s the first story you ever wrote?

7. Do you listen to music when writing or not? If yes, instrumental or with lyrics?

8. What’s your favourite writing spot?

9. When do you prefer to write? In the morning, during the day, on commute or during breaks, in the evening or night?

10. What drew you to writing, and what’s keeping you here?

#tagging game #I love tagging games :D #thank you so much for tagging me #writeblr tagging game #not art #writing related

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imaginesofeverykind · 7 years

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Tag, Your It || Sam Drake x Reader ||

Characters: Sam Drake x Fem!Reader

Fandom: Uncharted.

Requested: Yes! My first one!! [A request for Sam where you two are good friends, but both have feelings for each other. You're always flirting and stuff but no one has made a move yet. One day you're playing lasergun with Nate, elena and Sam, girls against boys. Sam finds you and sneaks up to you from behind, putting his gun to your head and holding you against his chest. But instead of shooting it ends up in a hot make out session. Later interrupted by Nate and elena who are wondering where you are :) xx love your writing!]

Prompt: Taking a break from the treasure hunting business, you, Sam, Nate and Elena all decided to unleash your inner children in a free for all game of Lazer Tag. Given the dark environment years of built up sexual tension between you and Sam finally crumbles down on the both of you.

Tags: @rafeadderall @missdictatorme @dragonjedihobbit (Message me if you want to be tagged to get notifications of posts!)

Word Count: 1,798

A/N: Lmaooo so I wrote half of this and saved it as a draft but good old tumblr didn’t save it so heck. Y u gotta do me like that tumblr? SEND THROUGH REQUESTS TOO LOVELIESS <3 its also 2 am so i tried to edit it as best as I could but lmao heck/

Cursing under her breath, Y/N had made a break for the barrier, her heart pounding in her chest. It was dark, hard to hear but she knew they weren’t too far behind her. She leant up against the barrier, panting to gradually gather her breath back before jumping back into the action.

Despite the fact that Y/N was in the centre of a large foam arena and the gun she had in her hand was actual a lazer gun, it was almost as if she was back in Madagascar trying to fend off shoreline mercenary’s or as if she was back in the ruins of Avalon the legendary Island of King Arthur.

The fact was that Y/N, a grown woman and three of her other supposedly more ‘mature’ friends, decided that they’d spend their well deserved break from treasure hunting in an adults arcade filled with games like Lazer tag to fuel their childish needs.

Once Y/N caught her breath she bounded up and over the barrier just in time to see a silhouetted figure dart around a corner. She smirked and chased down the figure, not holding back the trigger when she rounded the corner herself. The lazer shot beamed from the barrel of the gun and hit directly at the chest plate which lit up and triggered the lights to flick on.

“This rounds winner, Y/N.” the autoplay system announced, she grinned proudly and bit back a laugh after discovering her victim was Nate. “What can I say, you gotta be sneakier.” She shoved his shoulder and stepped back awaiting for the next rounds instructions.

Sam and Elena emerged at different sides congratulating Y/N on her victory for that round, she bowed cockily, “it’s all in the strategy.” Sam stood beside her and peered down at her, “oh please, teach us.” A slight smirk pulled on his lips earning a shove in response. “Talent isn’t something you learn Sammy, you just gotta be born with it.”

“Oh why excuse me princess, I am a man of many talents.” Sam retorted, his smirk more evident as he looked down at her. Nate rolled his eyes, “all right you two, I don’t think we need a demonstration.” Of course, Nate’s unnecessary added comment was only to stir the pot between Sam and Y/N. Having been friends for quite some time, it was only natural that the two would end up developing feelings for each other at one point or another. Naturally, that’s exactly what had happened.

For months now, quips weren’t just witty one-liners or typical banter, they were now mistaken quite often as flirting. Nate over the course of the past months had to put up with his brothers not-so-inconspicuous-but-very-conspicious complaining and whining over Y/N. It was obvious that the two were attracted to each other in more ways than one, hell, even Sully picked up on it.

“The next round is, team death match, two teams face off. The team with most amount of hits in fifteen minutes wins. You have thirty seconds to pick your team and sync it to the system.” The automated voice sounded over the arena. Nate was quick to pick, ruffling Y/N’s hair as he made his choice, leaving Sam and Elena unimpressed.

“What? She won the last round!” Nate put his hands up in defence, Y/N however shook her head and walked over to Elena, “we’ll settle this dispute once and for all, who’s better, us girls or you boys. But we all know who’s going to win right?” Y/N raised her eyebrow cheekily, a smirk pulling on her lips.

Elena was far more on board with that Idea knowing that trying to verse a team of Nate and Y/N, they wouldn’t stand a chance. The two girls synced up their colours, it was blue versus red now. “I gotta admit, Y/N... i’m a little hurt you didn’t even think to pick me.” Sam frowned jokingly of course.

The countdown started to flash at ten seconds, as she shrugged and winked at him, “c’mon Sam, you and I both know we’d take down these two in seconds. We gotta give em a chance to win.” She saluted him before the two girls both started to jog the opposite direction of Nate and Sam as the timer continued to beep before lights out.

They had just made it to cover as the lights flicked off suddenly, leaving them in the dark environment only lit up poorly by few LED lights. “I’m thinking you take the west side of the arena and I’ll take the east side.” Y/N whispered, but before Elena could get up and leave she grabbed onto her wrist, “stay behind cover, if it’s quiet enough you’ll be able to hear them walking.”

Both girls has parted ways and followed suit with the plan. Y/N was on the east side of the building, hidden behind a pillar, she stuck her head out to see any movement and immediately ducked back behind the pillar upon seeing a silhouette that was indeed not at all Elena. Her side pressed up against the foam pillar, she kept the lazer gun close to her and sucked in a large breath.

She stuck her head out once more but gasped when someone had pointed their gun to her head and snaked their arm around her waist. She knew that someone was Sam, just by his distinguishable smell and strong embrace. “Bet you regret not picking me for a partner now.” His voice was low and silent, he pressed her up against his chest, proud of his little victory.

A blush crept up her cheeks, she was thankful it was incredibly dark so she could blush shamelessly. A silent laugh passed through her lips as had to comment on how dramatic he was being, “you do realise that shooting me in the head with a lazer does nothing.” she referred to the gear she had set up that registered the lazer beams as hits.

“Sure it does-.” he spun her around, his free arm still gripping her waist. He could only just the outline of her face, “-It thickens the plot.” Joking around like he usually did, would result in witty remark after witty remark laced with flirtatious connotations. However this time, it was different.

For months now tension built up between the two of them, every time they’d make an accidental sexual pun or joke it was almost always followed by suggestive eyes, or every time they would touch accidentally they would linger longer than they should, or hold a gaze longer than necessary.

“thickens the plot?” She repeated, snorting out a soft laugh making him roll his eyes, “I couldn’t think of anything witty to say.” Sam admitted shrugging in defence, he thought it sounded cool but it sounded a lot better in his head than it did coming out of his mouth.

She laughed lightly, “Oh I know, that wasn’t one of your best... but besides the point are you going to shoot me or not?” She may have sound composed and put together but on the inside her heart was racing being pressed up so closely to Sam’s chest she was going into sensory overload. “I haven’t made up my mind yet.” His voice softened, while he could barely see her he knew where she was, and his face hovered closer to hers.

“What’s that supposed to-.” He cut her off by closing the gap between their faces, pressing his lips onto hers carelessly dropping the gun on the floor to and caressing her face gently. He caught her immensely off guard but the sensation was nauseating, the good kind of nausea, the kind that made her chest ache and stomach tingle.

He broke away from her but didn’t go too far, the short few second kiss leaving him clammy and sweaty already as well as Y/N. She looked up at him, only just seeing his features before on instinct she brought her hands up to the back of his head and through his hair. Time started to slow momentarily as they stood in silence, nothing but their soft breath was heard before an instant of animalistic hunger struck the both of them.

The months building up to this moment for them was astonishing, their lips sloppily moved in sync, which contrasted the first kiss incredibly. Y/N ran her fingers through Sam’s hair while his own hands were preoccupied running up and down her sides.

He bit down on her lower lip causing a hum of pleasure to pass her lips before pressing her up against the foam pillar. The two could barely keep their hands of each other, that was due to the fact that they were reluctant to let go after so many months of intense sexual tension.

They had to keep reminding them where they were and that as heated as things were going they were most definitely not going to do anything in a foam arena. Of course that meant they were going to have a wild night when they got home. Getting herself lost in the kiss Y/N tugged the ends of Sam’s hair a little too tightly, not that the groan from his mouth was one connected to pain but pleasure.

“Oh please don’t do that.” He murmured against her lips, squeezing her hips slightly. “Sorry.” She mumbled in response, her voice muffled by his lips, “oh no, don’t be sorry, the more you do that the less i’ll be able to hold back from just taking you right here right now.” He admitted, his hands now trailing up to her hair, his calloused thumbs caressing her cheeks softly.

“I don’t have a problem with that.” She mumbled, her hands still in his hair. “You don’t, but we do...” Nate’s voice greeted them, making the two jump apart. They hadn’t noticed the lights had switched back on and Elena and Nate stood not to far with smirks on their faces. “Jesus, Nathan. How long have you been standing there?”

“Oh trust us, we just got here. We wondered where you’d both run off too... oh and by the way I won.” Elena grinned, Nate’s arm around her proudly. “This is a little embarrassing...” Y/N admitted, scratching the back of her neck nervously, her lips swollen, much like Sam’s were as well. “Hardly, but you two lovebirds run along now and you-.” Nate turned to his wife, “owe me fifty bucks.”

“Seriously? You guys bet on us, how original...” Sam groaned, rolling his eyes at his younger brother. At least Sam could very comfortably wrap his arms around Y/N and it not be strange anymore.

#uncharted 4 #sam drake #U4 #request #imagines #one shots #fluff #idek if my writing can be remotely sexy im v sorry #troy baker #Honestly this is turning out to be a Sam Drake blog lmaoooo #idgaf anymore

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