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unknown--author · 1 year

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Random Heartslabyul Headcanons

Cater Diamond

Cater plays little games on his phone like the TWST equivalent of Candy Crush, Eggy Car, or the Dino Game to unwind

Adding a bit onto that, one of his happiest moments was when his family was busy on his birthday and he could eat spicy ramen in peace while playing his silly little games

In his mind, Cater thinks of people as trends; they come and go and won't stay around forever

(TW: Eating Disorder) After his hatred for sweets started developing, Cater started throwing up whenever he had them (Bulimia or some form of it). Had to eat a load of sweets for an Unbirthday party? "Sorry, I have to go to the bathroom. CayCay will be back in a minute!" Sisters stuffing his face with it again? "Mom asked me to tend to her garden. One sec, sis!"

Riddle Rosehearts

(Book 1 spoilers) After his overblot, Riddle uses mantras to calm down, sorta like Pepa from Enchanto. "I have a never ending supply of patience." "This has no effect on my life." "I'm relaxed and at ease."

Riddle also uses music as a way to destress. Singing along to Happy by Pharrell Williams? Nope. He's rocking out to Monster by Skillet.

At least twice a month, he sneaks in to the kitchen and steals a tart. Just sits on the floor and shoves it in his face. Trey doesn't care as long as Riddle brushes his teeth afterward (he doesn't, he forgets)

(TW: More Food Issues) (More book 1 spoilers) Before the trip to the bakery, Riddle had a shit relationship with food. He thought it tasted bland and found it hard to eat. The only reason he would was because of his mother watching over his shoulder. And after the bakery incident, his relationship with it got worse for a while. Though, as he knew that this was unhealthy, he eventually made a promise to himself. That he'd become the mage his mother could be proud of, so she'd allow him to have those breath-taking tarts.

Trey Clover

While baking, he listens to a mix of Nelly Furtado and Eminem. Specifically, Maneater, Promiscuous, Superman, Without Me, and Til' I Collapse.

Trey stuffs recipies in his fedora, like Vivo from... Vivo. At least, he did this when he first came to Night Raven to remember them.

Reminder: he was probably a nervous freshman once. Seeing that would probably be hilarious.

For his fourth year, Trey actually considered interning with Sebek's father.

Ace Trappola

He wet the bed until he was like 8; his brother still makes fun of him for it

His father was extremely close to beating Ace's ass when he found out how Ace treated the Ramshackle Prefect in the beginning. Ace's father is magicless as well and doesn't tolerate any bullshit

A few of his childhood friends go to RSA now, so he doesn't hold as much dislike towards the rival school

His mother is a sensitive topic, he usually doesn't bring her up unless he's making some sort of "motherless" joke. Ace usually only makes motherless jokes if he's made a similar joke about Deuce's dad (and if he's made a joke about an absent parent of Yuu's, if they have one)

Deuce Spade

Coping skills for his anger include: working out, listening to music, and arguing with Ace

He makes playlists not only for his friends, but for certain events in his life. Yes, Deuce did make playlists for the overblots (Riddle's included mostly songs about revolution

There was an inside joke about Deuce not knowing store-bought eggs aren't fertilized in his middle school gang, though he didn't realize it

(TW: Mental health issues) Deuce had little bouts of depression after he overheard his mom's phone call. Doubt would cloud his mind on whether he should stay and if his mother would be better off without him. He'd shake himself out of this thinking process by reminding himself that his mom would be alone if he wasn't there

This was made in the span of two 3am nights. Basically is went through three phases: I'm hungry, I don't like Trey, and I'm listening to Mama by MCR

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paramounticebound · 1 year

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I'm going to be gone for a few days at least. Without divulging too much, I'm not doing great mentally and we've decided it's best for me to be somewhere safer, until I can see my doctor on Tuesday. I just didn't want you guys to wonder where I've been if it's going to be a while.

♥️ you all.

#x: still asleep (ooc.)#tw negativity #tw mental health issues

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world-of-shadows-and-music · 25 days

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So my mother (who spent almost my whole life either so depressed she couldn't bear to look or care for my baby brother and I or she was so hyper vigilant and took it out on us via raging) has finally gone to a therapist.

I've been telling her she needs one for 10 years since I became a legal adult with children and no longer have to live with her or near her. And guess what! The therapist told her to her face that she has mental fucking illness which no shit but my mother never took me or my brother seriously when we told her that she needed help.

She was diagnosed with Borderline personality disorder which I FUCKING CALLED IT! I told her she had signs of BPD for years! I feel so vindicated.

#rambles #tw mental health issues

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proudfreakmetarusonniku · 1 year

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Throughout the month of December, I’m going to be making several Exile Arc essays to explore my favourite arc in all of media, ever, and as a celebration of its two year anniversary! This essay is about going into detail about the severe physical and psychological harm Exile caused to Tommy- both the obvious and those a bit more speculative. Obviously, everything here is to do with the RP characters. Discussion of abuse in detail is inevitable, along with suicide, kidnapping, torture, mental health issues, and self harm, so be warned. And without further adieu, onto the essay!

——

If there's one thing that cannot be overstated about Exile, it's how much it utterly broke Tommy. Of course, he's always been traumatised and mentally ill- he's had symptoms of PTSD reaching back to the L'Manberg war, and emotional issues dealing with extremely low self esteem and a desperate need for validation well before that- but the cheerful and innocently chaotic nature he had never was stripped away before then, and it never quite recovered.

There is not a single part of Tommy that hasn’t been impacted by the meticulous damage, both physical and emotional, he went through in Exile, and every time those wounds started to heal they were picked wide open. And that’s just what we see in the explicitly stated text- reading between the lines into the implications, looking at real world psychology and biology, and with a little bit of real world experience into how those traumas manifest, an even bleaker picture is painted.

Yet, oddly enough, even the most obvious parts of Tommy's trauma from Exile often go unremarked upon and unexamined. Part of that is likely due to a lack of knowledge about the psychology of trauma, part of that is people not watching Exile, and unfortunately some of that’s due to the incredibly toxic and cruel nature of this fandom to relentlessly demonise all but one heavily idealised and often infantilised favourite character. So, to ensure everyone knows the absolute baseline going in, I'll provide a 100% factual, no speculation included, detailed recap on how Exile affected Tommy.

Most well known, perhaps, is the suicidal tendencies and self harming habits Tommy picked up. He’d refuse to protect himself or do MLGs, he'd sleepwalk into drowning himself every night, and he considered suicide on a regular basis. He also starved himself, which ties into something else about Exile- Tommy never had enough supplies. He only had the food Dream gifted him, and was rarely running on more than stone or iron tools unless they were gifted by Dream. Of course, he never had any armour or weaponry, leaving him incredibly vulnerable to mobs and forcing him to stick to Dream's side.

This made Tommy reliant on Dream, which twisted into a sick, unhealthy sort of loyalty and “friendship”. He was lead to see a lack of abuse as a reward, and even to see some of the actual abuse as bonding activities. Dream would constantly gaslight Tommy about his own feelings, insisting he was lying if he ever said a negative thought about Dream, and would often talk about how he was the only person who cared, forcing Tommy to rely on him for any sort of emotional bond. This developed a trauma-bond so deep that even months after Exile Tommy still felt conditioned to see Dream as a close friend and genuinely missed Exile on some days.

Tommy was heavily isolated, with few people visiting (and, according to Eret, few people even knowing where Tommy WAS). The few visits he had were often used as a way to hurt Tommy further by Dream- for example, leading Lazar to participate in the abuse (when he didn’t know the full scope of things obviously, he just wanted his armour back and didn’t realise how desperate and beaten down Tommy was), or taking visitors to the Christmas Tree when Tommy wasn’t even allowed to step through the portal.

The whole Beach Party was the absolute cruellest example of Tommy's deliberate isolation. Not only did Dream send Ghostbur somewhere dangerous to him to get him out of the way, he made absolutely sure no one would get invites, yet lied heavily to Tommy about how everyone must have got them and they simply didn’t care. This left Tommy incredibly distrustful of people by instinct, something he was never able to shed fully.

Tommy was HEAVILY physically abused on basically a day to day basis, especially towards the beginning of Exile. Dream would hit Tommy with his tools if he refused to follow orders- something that made Tommy scream in pain more than once and something he feared more than dying. Sometimes, this would leave Tommy very nearly dead, and sometimes Dream would do it simply for being too slow in putting his armour in the hole. Even outside of that, Dream would punch Tommy very frequently, to the point Tommy stopped reacting to it eventually, and would frequently blow up his items while he was in range of the TNT, causing him to get hit by the blast.

Even kindness was a weapon used against him- Dream would often lovebomb Tommy with meaningless gifts, and would often follow up every time he was especially cruel to Tommy with extra attention and doing whatever Tommy wanted to do. This left Tommy unable to realise how messed up Dream's treatment of him was, and made him rationalise all the times Dream hurt him as not that bad, or his own fault. In fact, it was only the dispelling of the illusion when Dream threatened to leave him alone and only come and watch that caused Tommy to even consider escaping, because up until that point he was conditioned into complete and total trust.

Tommy very quickly stopped sleeping, and fell into such severe hallucinations he couldn’t distinguish what was real and what was in his own head- at one point assuming that the real Tubbo was another hallucination because he’d seen so many. He also noticeably started experiencing delusions- believing he was dying on some occasions, and believing the logs were communicating with him in some way (this is why Logstedshire is built around them!)

After Exile, Tommy frequently has severe panic attacks around anything related to it, from lava and smiley faces to something as innocuous as a plains biome. Physically, he’s mentioned feeling a lot weaker, and he never quite seemed to recover. He also developed chronically shaking hands after Exile, something he frequently notes.

Now all of this on it's own is incredibly disturbing, but that’s just the basics. There are several things implied about Exile and it’s aftermath that we don’t explicitly see, Tommy displays symptoms of multiple mental and physical illness outside of PTSD as a result of Exile, and as a bonus, as someone who experienced something very similar (though much less extreme) I've decided to share exactly how some of this would feel! Don’t worry, there’s no trauma dumping here, just details on stuff like flashbacks.

First, it’s heavily implied Exile lasted longer than we see on camera, anywhere from a few days up to several months. Tommy repeatedly mentions Exile as being much longer than it was in real-time during the events, however, this could be chalked up to him not being able to tell the time due to his isolation and stress. What IS more concrete proof of this, however, is two things- Tommy's skins, and the mention of events that we don’t see.

For Tommy's skins, not only do we see him visibly deteriorate with his clothing turning to rags and his eyes going dull and bagged, we also see something very interesting. If you look very closely at Tommy's fringe, you'll notice his hair has been growing a little. It’s only a few pixels longer, even at the end, but this would indicate Tommy must have been in exile long enough for his hair to grow out to a noticeable degree, and it’s unlikely it would have grown that much in just under two weeks.

The second has to do with something Tommy brings up offhandedly- Dream getting upset at him when he didn’t collect armour and weapons for him to blow up as part of their “bonding ritual”. This isn’t something that happened on camera, and presumably happened on a day we didn’t see, and considering the point Tommy was at (being utterly obedient and devoted, even excited to see Dream) it’s unlikely to be something he'd make up… unless his hallucinations are worse than indicated (since, as far as we know, they’re limited to visual hallucinations, and that’d imply auditory and potentially touch hallucinations), which would be disturbing in its own right.

Another disturbing implication comes from much later in the series, from one of Aimsey's streams. During this, Aimsey met Tommy and gave him some gifts, which he responded to by attacking star and then claiming in the chat he thought star was going to hurt him. At first, this sounds like an excuse, but taken in the context of Tommy frequently being lovebombed after being abused, it makes a whole lot more sense. Tommy had grown to associate being given things with being beaten and hurt.

Finally, in terms of implications, there’s the disturbing parallels between Tommy's behaviour in the finale and his behaviour in Exile. On both occasions, they were extremely emotionally distressed and self hating- Tommy had basically blamed everything wrong with the server on himself the day before, and possibly did so again (it’s not entirely clear what exactly he's apologising for, and considering the prior fact it’s unfortunately possible that it was his own existence and not just accidentally upsetting and hurting people at the start of the server). On both occasions, they spent the whole time working around DREAM'S needs and emotions, ignoring their own.

They gave empathy to a degree that they were neglecting their own feelings, and, incredibly disturbingly considering we KNOW Tommy is conditioned into seeing Dream as a friend, he comes out of Limbo- a place we KNOW is in all occasions traumatic and psychologically torturous- saying that he and Dream could have been friends. The parallels between this, along with Wilbur's suicide, are so absurdly blatant (and deliberately drawn, on several occasions!) that I’m surprised very few people seemed to pick up on it (and a little uncomfortable that a lot of people are treating Tommy's blatant spiral into suicidality and falling back onto his conditioning as either a good thing that’s a sign of healing that all victims should aspire towards, or proof he's evil and cruel and mutually abusive and deserved everything that happened to him, as someone who's gone through those backslides themselves and knows how much they suck, but that’s a topic for another day).

For a look into biology/psychology, during Exile Tommy's hallucinations and delusions might be a simple response to stress and sleep deprivation… but there’s another, even more tragic possibility. Psychosis can be triggered by stressful situations, and not only are delusions and hallucinations a symptom of psychosis, but so is agitation, difficulty concentrating, difficulties in controlling impulses, paranoia, and muddled and disordered thoughts. All of these are things that Tommy struggles with, and considering he started experiencing delusions again in the Finale- much like Wilbur- the fact these symptoms aren’t a one time response to extreme trauma but appear to have been a constant struggle in Tommy's life makes it entirely possible.

Tommy's reluctance to eat during Exile, even when he’s starving, has a tragic resemblance to the beginnings of an eating disorder. It’s unfortunately common for young people in traumatic situations to develop these, as food intake can often be the only thing they can control. Tommy didn’t have a lot of food to begin with, but he still often refused to eat what he had available, and I do think it’s entirely possible it could have easily gotten a lot worse. Tommy's always struggled with disordered eating- he started binge eating golden apples immediately after this, for instance, and he stopped eating again after Dream escaped the prison- and this all seems to come back to Exile. While Tommy might not have body image issues, he’s definitely got an extremely concerning relationship with food, one that’s common among young people who are victims of abuse.

And for something physical- Tommy's shaking hands and weakness are possibly a result of the physical damage done to him by Dream. Specifically, it matches up to nerve damage- which can be caused by physical trauma to the nerves, which I imagine being hit by an axe could absolutely cause. Both weakness and uncontrollable spasms are common symptoms of damage to the nerves, especially in extremities like the hands and feet.

Finally, and to round this out I'd just like to share a bit on how exactly it feels to be in Tommy's shoes, because I think understanding that makes him much more understandable as a character! For one- you really do feel like you’re dying. It physically hurts to be under so much stress, and you feel incredibly sick, sicker than you’ve ever felt.

You also really do blame yourself. For young people in that situation, you have an instinctive trust on what authority figures say, even if you hate them. You really start internalising what they say, and it sticks with you forever, really. You always assume you’re in the wrong, you always apologise, you get that sick-feeling like you’re dying again the second you think you’ve upset someone. It’s hard to notice- I didn’t until I watched Exile, myself!- but it makes every day extremely stressful.

And flashbacks are as messed up as they sound. You actually do see and hear things from the past a little, but in my experience it's more like you can feel all the emotions and you go back to the thought processes of the time. It’s like you’re right there in your brain, like you got sent back in time to experience all the horrible stuff again, and it’s something that sticks for hours and makes it hard to do anything. It also makes it extremely hard to make perfect decisions- something I think people need to take in mind more talking about Tommy!

Anyway, what are your thoughts? Feel free to share- I love talking about Exile in any context and I’d love to hear other peoples opinions! I hope you enjoyed me talking about my special interest haha.

#dream smp #dsmp analysis #c!tommy #exile arc #primeboys (derogatory)#tw abuse #tw mental health issues #tw Ed mention #tw suicide #tw lovebombing #tw hallucinations #tw isolation

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lucasgregorowicz · 8 months

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And I relapsed

#i hate this brain fr and I am ashamed of myself #saturn stuff #tw relaspe #tw mental health issues #tw self destructive behavior #tw self harm #tw cutting #tw depression #my mind wouldnt shut up otherwise #this is honestly fucked up hate it

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taintedcigs · 1 year

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me having the worst day of my life knowing when i go home i can finally be myself and have a mental breakdown bc nobody knows how bad it is getting for me🤞🏻

#em talks #FR!!!!#RANT!!!!#just spent the whole day smilimg laughing #and when i got home all i did was stare at the wall for an hour #i can finally be myself 🤞🏻#id blame anyone for not knowing i mask myself pretty easilu #tw mental health issues #idk how to tag it

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prolifeprowoman · 2 years

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Anyway if the right to bodily autonomy truly overruled the right to life, my best friend never would have been admitted to a mental hospital after her suicide attempt because "it's her body she can do whatever she wants with it"

My great uncle never would have gotten help for his alcohol addiction because "it's his body he can do whatever he wants with it"

My cousin never would have been sent to the emergency room after he overdosed because "it's his body he can do whatever he wants with it"

I never would have been admitted to the eating disorder treatment facility that saved my life because "it's my body I can do whatever I want with it"

^ None of us wanted help at the point people intervened. I literally thought that exact same way when I was first admitted. I thought it was so unfair that they could tell me what I could and couldn't do with my body, because it's my body. But I came to realize as I recovered that the right to bodily autonomy has never, ever been more important than the right to live, and that's something I am very grateful for, for my sake and for my friend and family members.

If your right to bodily autonomy can't even infringe upon your own right to live, what on Earth makes you think it can infringe upon someone else's?

#pro life #anti abortion #roe v wade #abortion #i am the pro life generation #bodily autonomy #pro abort hypocrisy #tw mental health issues

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babbittybabbittart · 2 years

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Piece that I thought up in early May and only started yesterday lmao. I can't remember exactly what I was thinking then, but something like there's a unique pain that links people all across the world together, and that felt kinda special.

TW/CW: Self harm, suicide, mental health issues

#art #artist #copic #copicdrawing #tw suicide #tw self harm #tw mental health issues #tw mental health #globe #global

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theficblog · 2 years

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baeby sis, do you have a feeling(s) that you hate the most? mine is being wronged, maybe bc of an episode where i was backstabbed and felt so hopeless bc no one else attempted to learn the truth with me. maybe things like this geared me towards being an introvert. like if i don't know that many people, they won't have a chance to harm me. i used to be very outgoing as a kid but when i reached middle school i just realised that it was so tiring to deal with so many people so i was like: new place, new me, i just lay low all the time and it continue be like that until now 😅😆 sometimes it makes me think that we are introverts not bc we were born like that, it's bc we chose to be introverts by choice 🛀

WHO WAS THAT PERSON AND HOW DARE THEY??

awww noooo big sis, that is understandable, i know how horrible that must have felt. no matter what each side should have a chance of explaining themselves but ig sadly that’s not how the society works, people always have a pre judgement ready. and that is how your brain got affected by it and stuck with introversion, although i don’t have a lot of psychological knowledge.

but what you are saying makes so much sense “no one is born introvert” it makes me sad to think about that one kid who was considered “not cool” and so nobody played with them, and then they grew up to be lonely. the environment does effect the people a lot, children are like wet clay and then they can shaped in any desired way.

maybe it’s sometimes about finding the right people, like you start growing an invisible shield and only those who are allowed to enter it can be trusted, there is a scare in opening up to people too, i can relate because that is exactly how was in middle school too (maybe this could be one of the reasons we relate so much?)

but we’re cool nonetheless, introverts are cool, and i have observed most of us are very wise and creative and analytical as compared.

yeah i hate being in that spot too, being wronged. i also hate the feeling when the people whom you expect to be by your side don’t take it, like my people are my people and though they are less, they are mine and i always want them.

sis ily ❤️

#my big sis #tw mental health issues

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pinesheep-png · 3 months

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Does anyone have any tips on how to tackle down always thinking I'm not good or strong enough without like talking to a therapist? I do have one, but only see her twice a month and I can't talk about my problems with anyone else.

I tried writing, it's good for getting it out of your head but nothing more tbh.

#tw mental illness #tw mental health issues #tw negativ self talk

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taylorvaughnsaidso · 7 months

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*Conspiracy warning* - Justin Timberlake has an alleged 21 year old daughter, Iris. (So alleging this is the real reason he and Britney broke up in 2002)

there's a couple more tik toks but honestly it's alllll so mumble jumbled I have no clue what to make of it all. Her instagram is... a lot

she does seem to have some snapchats with Justin and of his recording studio?

#justin timberlake #conspiracy #gossip #celebrity gossip #britney spears #pop culture #tw mental health issues

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shutterlens · 7 months

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[cw/tw: vent, cursing, mental health issues, discussion of reblog baiting and share-baiting, mild Christianity-related religious trauma, mental hospital potentially distressing content]

Internet chain letters are coming back with a vengeance and that scares the living shit out of me.

Ever since I saw the first form that I saw it take in 2015 when I was 12 years old at latest (maybe a year or two earlier but I don't remember the specifics) as those messages in the comments of those old Flash game web sites warning of some dire curse had the reader not shared it in a specific way, the debilitating fear that it struck in me with its near-guarantee of a threat of a horrible life still haunted me even to this day no matter how hard I tried to fight it and regardless of the fact that I avoided reposting those chain letters every time I saw them.

The first time I saw the comeback of chain letter content on the Internet was on add-yours Instagram stories, more particularly those with captions such as "add yours or bad [month]", occassionally requiring a more specific kind of photo to avoid such horrible luck and also occasionally specifying what said bad luck would be, e.g.- bad grades for "skipping" the add-yours story.

Every time I saw one of those, that old instinct that I got when I was a kid came back, that old instinct of fearing for my future, fearing for how my life would turn out, that old familiar feeling that something horrible would happen to me had I not shared that post around, it all came back. The way I always coped with that feeling worked until my recent institutionalization (also, no, I will not be using "softer", more invalidating terminology as I refuse to trivialize this traumatic experience that I have gone through) on October 4 this year (albeit an unusually lucky experience considering my circumstances).

A few days ago, about October 1 if I remember correctly, I saw one of those "add your or bad [month]" type posts from the Instagram account of someone I met at my local LGBTQ club at my college. After my experience with being forced into the Psychiatric section of that horrible hospital I was basically imprisoned in for more than a quarter of a day (seven entire hours), I started to feel like it was my fault that this happened (and not just from all the victim-blaming that I got both throughout and after the trauma. I talked more about it in a previous vent that I marked as "mature"), that it was my fault that God punished me with this inevitable event because I decided not to share that Instagram story.

The caption, that damn caption, it still haunts me to this day.

"pic or bad October".

It still echoes in my head, taunting me even to this day. Even when I knew that not adding to that was doing a favor for both myself and those who are distressed by share-baiting, the Web 2.0 equivalent of internet chain letters, it still feels like all the bad things in my life that I've gone through so far were my fault, all because I didn't add my photo in that add-yours story.

I logically know that this is irrational, that I shouldn't be experiencing this punishingly debilitating anxiety over something that should seem immensely trivial to me, but I just can't stop feeling this sense of guilt and shame for not sharing these Web 2.0 chain letters.

The only time I've succumbed to this debilitating anxiety was here on my Tumblr account, with my first experience encountering reblog bait.

The first time I saw these posts from the people I was following, things like "moral obligation to reblog this", "reblog if your blog is aspec-friendly", "reblog if you're not a bigot", "reblog if you even remotely give half a shit about the people you've managed to befriend on this God-forsaken website and won't just abandon them in two seconds", "reblog if you're not a horrible person who deserves to burn in a periwinkle incandescent lake of sulfur flames forever",

I just caved.

I caved into that instinct and shared those kinds of posts so I wouldn't be a horrible person, so I can prove myself to be even remotely decent, even though I may see now in retrospect how I've done horrible, permanent damage to the mental health of those who are most deeply affected by this type of content, the people with OCD, people who experience psychosis in some way (I've only had experience with the latter (I do not have OCD myself) as my high school has labelled my overgrown inner critic who is technically not a separate person or entity from me in any way as I completely own my mind and body and Inner Voice is just a parasite that's way too big, but can use the motor and vocal parts of my brain to abuse me through my own body and voice as had been done before since early High School when Inner Voice first started existing, which a Social Worker from my high school diagnosed as such, as "Generalized Psychosis"), and certainly far more of the most vulnerable and disenfranchised in this world.

To the people that I have hurt, I am truly and undeniably sorry. I am fully aware that the actions that I have done to hurt you by reblogging this type of content has immensely and irreversably hurt your mental wellbeing in an undescribably painful way, and I promise to do whatever I can to learn from my mistakes and do better in the future.

To the people (yes, even my mutuals) who share reblog bait on their blogs: I will not be reblogging these reblog bait posts that you have shared for the mental well-being of both myself and others, even if I may immensely value you as a friend, even if we are mutuals. I refuse to feed into my fear once again by sharing those types of posts.

#8bityinyang vent #tw christianity #tw mental health issues #tw discussion of reblog baiting #tw mental hospital #tw cursing #tw potentially distressing content #tw vent #vent

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