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#tw sui implied
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PLEASE SHARE + REBLOG
(TW: Suicide)
I didn’t want to make this post, but my situation been getting worse.
If you follow me or interact with my forced masculinization posts, you are probably some sort of transmasculine or transgender.
I am transmasc myself and have recently been dealing with my abusive parents after returning home from university.
They don’t know I am transgender, and they never will.
My sibling and I want to get out. We are finding it harder to live with them, and want to life independently. We know that if we come out we will be kicked out, as they have threatened it before.
It is very possible that after university, I may be homeless. It’s hard for me to find a job as an autistic man. Even as a black trans man who doesn’t exactly pass. These things may seem trivial to some of you, but you’ll never know how hard my identity makes it for me to just survive.
I’ve considered (and attempted) suicide. I’ve considered running away. I’m scared, and my support system is currently nowhere near me because of my parents pressuring me to stay at their house.
I want to be able to pay for top surgery, get out of this house, and start looking for ways to get testosterone.
Even £1 is fine. £5, I’d be grateful for. Anything helps.
I don’t even think this will spread as far as my other posts did, but if you see this, please just like or reblog.
And please don’t give unless you really have the money to spare. I feel bad enough that I’m asking, but again, anything helps.
PayPal: @lathanml
Thank you for reading this far.
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ima-end-itt · 2 days
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"no don't worry you're never annoying me, so what's bothering you?"
I text as there's blood flowing down my arms
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dreamadventures-37 · 2 days
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isat month day 5: ghost
warning: blood, implied suicide
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you had a good rest
this fucking drawing kicked my ass for so many days. i redrew it at every stage over and over again and im still not satisfied! but alas time has run out. perhaps ill redraw it some other day when i have time.
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doctorsiren · 1 day
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keiji mogami
(w/o effects + sketch under the cut)
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Note
CW suicide ASPD + BPD culture is attempting suicide and then moments later not feeling a single thing about it.
ASPD + BPD culture is
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1nf4tu4ted · 2 days
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yeah… i get it ! i didn’t think i was your type anyway… (is contemplating killing myself over it)
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i-give-u--stuff · 6 hours
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REMEMBER THAT I LOVE YOU!!!!! /p
Tags: @pansexualcake9 @sotogalmo @bi-pan-whiteout @spideyladman @spydrrr @i-like-cats-and-stars36 @anonymouscringe @sk3llyr4yr4t @i-ate-your-children @glorpisdumb @glitch-1983 @seagull-michael @mintyflavoredtea @connectionterminated13 @ranboothesillyartist @raccoon-in-a-dumpster @doggyfood @clownpalette @amechaan @floating-above-sea-level @bloodmoonlunar @kaycode1999 @deadpuppetboi @ascendeddd @astertheabbs @icepunchdusknoir @deliriousdingo @clock-onyx @fyrefrostanimus @gem-andromeda @utterlybrainwrecked @bpdmorga @gaymastelaire @chadchadsonthesnail @maecraft
TW: mentioned sh + suicide
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My second attempt.
(...this isn't a story, or a poem or made up. This actually... is real. TW for suicide attempt, depression, use of overdosing as a metaphor, and... yeah, I'm sorry.)
This happened on June 3rd, 2024.
Monday, June 3rd, 2024, sometime around 5 pm.
Was when I attempted to take my life for the second time.
I've been feeling so... uneasy, the past few days. I thought, "It must be one of my moots!" So to every moot in my list, I checked on them. I'm glad I did, I got good and bad news from each one, I got to hear different stories, I got to offer my comfort and congratulations.
...but the feeling was still there.
So I kept asking, my moots, friends, people I've never talked to too much—How are you?
It was still there, eating me from the inside out
...And, on June 3rd... something clicked.
I was kinda thinking of it for the past couple days, of doing this. I think my posts, my demeanour reflected it even before i knew.
I was talking to someone on discord. They might've thought it was a nice conversation... I was planning on taking my life while we joked around.
I think that feeling, might've been me. Might've been my gut saying "Hey, don't do this!" Might've been myself reminding me of a promise I made to my twin. My sister, my best friends, my platonic spouse, my mum, the people I care about. The family I've made here.
...but
I tried... anyways.
Because I just couldn't see any further thsn right now, the heaviness that pushed my body down, the bad thoughts I overdosed on.
And... I didn't tell anyone. That would've been my biggest regret, because I love them all so, so fucking much. They are my family.
And my other friends, moots... I would've missed immensely too.
So... I'm sorry. I'm sorry for trying something so.... stupid. I'm sorry I didn't talk to anyone, I'm sorry I've been distancing myself, I'm sorry if I worried anyone, I'm sorry.
...But the one thing, the one thing I'm not sorry about...
I'm not sorry it didn't work.
I'm glad it didn't. I'm glad I got to tell my family on here, that I love them. That they're a family to me.
I'm glad I got to tell them good morning. I'm glad I told them. I'm glad... I'm here, I think, yeah. I'm glad, grateful for the people I have in my life. Thank you.
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mrs-snape5984 · 3 days
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“How can I take the pain away? How can I save a fallen angel, in the dark?”
“Fallen angel, just let go. You don't have to be alone. Fallen angel, close your eyes. I won't let you fall tonight.” (“Fallen Angel” by Three Days Grace)
I guess, I have to put another trigger warning on the next three paragraphs of this post. I never mention it explicitly, but my words might imply my suicidal ideation. If you might get triggered by this topic, please feel free to skip the aforementioned parts of my text.
As I already explained in my last few posts, I’ve commissioned some of my beloved artists of Snapedom for a special project of mine. I’ve asked them to draw different stages of my afterlife journey for me. In my imagination, I will finally be able to go home with Severus, when I shuffle off this mortal coil (oh, how very Shakespearean of me 🙄) and leave my unbearable torments and pain behind.
The varying phases of my everlasting life will be shown in multiple artworks of Severus and my undeniably self-inserted OC Jules. I’m clinging to Severus as my comfort character for more than 21 years already. He’s been there for me whenever the burdens of my existence became too overpowering for me. For this reason, it seems only natural to me to expect him waiting for me…and we will finally be allowed to live the life, we deserved to have.
Since I’ve already spoken to both of my closest friends about my wishes for the time after my demise - for which I’m still feeling immensely guilty and remorseful about - I just started to put my requests into writing in an official statement by formulating my “living will” and my “last will”, which I’ve also informed my mother about. And damn, I know, that I have to apologise to my friends for all those dark jokes, which I’m making about this topic (yes, I’m very aware of the fact, that there won’t be a coffin, which could be big enough to bury me with all the items and framed artworks of my personal Snape-Museum 😅), but I need to cope with my sorrows by the usage of my dry wit.
For this component of my personal project, I’ve commissioned my precious friend @opalchalice again. Her mesmerising piece of art shows Jules as a fallen angel in distress, desperately searching for guidance out of her misery. Severus is already awaiting her with open arms, ready to guide her into the pure bliss of her afterlife. This might sound strangely pathetic to some people, but nothing else can soothe my troubled heart as much as these daydreams.
Lia, I know, that you’re very proud of this beautiful drawing and believe me, I’ve never seen anything better from you, yet. I’m immensely impressed by your talent and dedication to the improvement of your skills. It’s always fascinating to me, to go through your former illustrations, recognising the progress, you’re making with every new artwork. Your creativity and your kindness are the reason, why I’ll support you as long as I’ll be capable of going online. Thank you for everything, my lovely friend!
🖤Severus & Julia🖤
🖤Sevy & Jules🖤
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i-am-confused-always · 6 months
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what I say: “it is what it is”
what I mean: “I have cried about this for hours and have probably self harmed and contemplated suicide over this.
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to0needy · 6 months
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not being able to kill myself is the worst feeling
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tearsfallout · 1 month
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sorry for the inactivity again
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vixensofdeath · 7 months
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I really need a fucking break, or a gun
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foxlungz · 2 months
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Forced to live. Born to kill myself.
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forbidden-sunlight · 2 months
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yandere!ceo with villainess!reader scenario [part one]
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warnings: suicide attempt/implication, implication of obsessive thoughts or love, workplace toxicity.
There might be potential triggers in this piece. If you do not feel comfortable with reading it, please hit the 'back' button on your phone or laptop and find something much more pleasant to read than a potential series of unfortunate events.
You are responsible for your Internet consumption.
Reblog to support content creators! ❤️
Hey guys, and welcome to another original yandere oc x series, featuring the good-looking prick and CEO of his family's conglomerate, Yeo Jung-Hwa. This is a collaboration between me and the incredibly talented @deathmetalunicorn1. Special thanks to @pinkgoldweebgirl and @witch-of-the-writing-desk for their honest feedback on the earlier drafts of this project.
Part Two
Part Three
Everyone has heard or watched the famous daily drama, Love and Fortune. Boasting over 124 episodes, it chronicles the romance between a cold-hearted CEO named Yeo Jung-Hwa and a hardworking, kind-hearted employee at his family’s conglomerate named Hyeong Mun-Hee. Of course, no drama is without conflict because that would be a very boring story to broadcast to the world.
 Including the male lead’s family opposing the idea that would marry someone beneath his social status, the villainous Park Seo-yun refuses to break off her engagement to him even when her feelings are completely one-sided. In retrospect, Park Seo-yun had been written as a vicious and incredibly stupid antagonist so that Heyong Mun-Hee’s perseverance through such bullying and her devotion towards Yeo Jung-Hwa were highlighted and touched the viewers with her kind heart. At least that is what you believe after being trapped in the world of this drama for…how long has it been? A year? Three years?
 It was hard to keep track of time when Being X -  that’s the name you gave to whatever is controlling this world like a goddamned puppeteer - would reset everything if you tried to act out of character such as amiably breaking up with male lead so he could be with Hyeong Mun-Hee or trying to overdose on sleeping meds in a desperate attempt to escape. Presently this was your fourth loop, and you were not going to let everything, the hard work you’ve put in, to be all for nothing.
You were going to move forward.
You were going to survive. 
You were going to have a peaceful life once this drama is over. 
Just say your lines and be ready for the next scene. Right?
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According to the drama’s script, the reason that Park Seo-yun worked for the Yeo family’s conglomerate is because everyone thought it would be a brilliant idea for her to see how the business of her future in-laws operated and be prepared to step in if Yeo Jung-Hwa was incapacitated for any reason. In your humble opinion, it is honestly a bad idea for two reasons. One, it isn’t wise to mix business with a marriage, let alone an engagement that is written to be destroyed upon the arrival of the female lead. Two, it just doesn't make sense. Prosperous businesses are supposed to have a qualified Chief Operating Officer, otherwise known as a COO, to implement plans and the direction that the CEO wishes to follow as well as coordinating with other team managers. 
But this is common sense from the real world. You are stuck in a drama and currently the team manager of the conglomerate’s financial department. You might have a nice office in the back where you can see everything, but it barely alleviated your annoyance with Hyung Mun-Hee as she hunched over her desk, texting on her personal phone instead of correcting the mistakes she made on the documents you were supposed to hand out to everyone at today’s meeting; budget allocations, projected growths and downturns, including whether Team Leader Kim Dokja will be able to hire a few more employees that he really needs to help with the IT department’s neverending workflow. 
You know that this is a pivotal scene in both Heyong Mun-Hee’s character development and the beginning of your downfall. You know that after accusing the female lead of slacking off, forcing her to kneel and apologize for paralyzing your department because everyone worked overtime to cover her unexcused absences, this is when the male lead steps in and protects his darling from being bullied further.
To the writers of Love and Fortune: this example of lazy creativity is why your successful series eventually received backlash and everyone demanded a revamped version. In layman’s terms, fuck you assholes for making your job as the villainess a lot more difficult than it should be. 
You already made her kneel and all that jazz in the last two loops and it didn’t do shit. Not this time. You were going to go for a more subtle, professional approach. As long as it seems like you were antagonizing Hyung Mun-Hee because Love and Fortune is written from her point of view, you should be fine. Hopefully. God, you hoped so. 
If you actually got through this scene, you were definitely going to reward the team for their hard work with some baked goods for breakfast or a catered lunch. You haven’t used your infamous black credit card since this loop started. Rolling your shoulders back, you inhaled a slow, deep breath before leaning over towards the printer, grabbing the documents that the female lead emailed to you. You pretended to read them over, eyes narrowing and fingers thumbing through all of them until you reached the end. Rising from your seat, you walked out of the office and addressed the staff, calmly. 
“Excuse me everyone, but may I have a moment of your time?” Your slightly agitated voice caused all seven team members to stare at you with faces that ranged from confusion, fear, and curiosity. You respectfully incline your head. “Thank you.” You held up your little prop in the air for all to see. “Whoever emailed me the paperwork I am to present at this afternoon’s meeting, please come to my office. I have some questions about the context.”
An uneasy silence fell upon the office, making your heart stink. Shit. You needed to improvise and fast before Being X noticed. You sighed, pressing two fingers to the side of your temple to make it seem like you were starting to feel a headache coming on, which funnily enough you were. 
 “I’m not going to bite anyone’s head off, I promise. There are just a few things in here that do not make sense and I’d like to understand before I am to present them as the team leader.” Please take the bait, Heyong Mun-Hee. You thought pleadingly with your eyes closed. If you have any self-respect left or at least feel a little sorry for being lazy, stand up and admit your mistake so that your perseverance shines through in this scene. You’ve done it before, you can do it again. 
When you opened your eyes, she was still sitting at her desk with wide eyes and a flushed face, clutching her phone as if it were a lifeline. Your eyebrow twitched. You have got to be kidding me. You thought sourly. This isn’t how a female lead is supposed to act, let alone an actual employee of a multi-million won company.
 Fine. If she wasn’t going to come to you willingly, then you couldn’t play nice. 
You were about to call her out  when she suddenly stood up and made a beeline towards your office, passing by you and taking a seat in your office. Huh? Isn’t this a bit rude? Unfortunately your role isn’t to ponder why certain people like common decency. So you turned around, walking back inside your workspace and closing the door behind you. Once you sat down behind the dark mahogany desk that was at least twice the size of a normal cubicle, you booted up your desktop and logged into the company’s bookkeeping program before swiveling the monitor around so that Hyeung Mun-Hee could see where she made her mistakes.
“Assistant Manager Hyeung Mun-Hee, I noticed that there were some miscalculations here,” You moved your cursor over one column. “And here.” You moved it to the right. “Here as well.” You moved it back to the left, right in the middle. “The formula you imputed for Columns H to J is incorrect. I want you to refer to your department manual and make the necessary corrections before sending it out to the other departments. I trust you can handle this task?” 
She should be able to. After all, the female lead had a buffer for being extremely intelligent and a math whiz in the script. That’s why she was selected to work here instead of Human Resources, where her communication skills were also top notch. Hyeung Mun-Hee quickly nodded, standing up from her seat and almost bolting back to her desk, still holding onto her phone like a security blanket. Which was a little odd. You don’t remember her being so protective of it in the previous loops. 
You reclined back against your chair. Oh well, no matter. Time to see this house of cards come crashing down in five minutes. Too bad it can’t be longer. But the show must go on, right? She  might be scripted to fail, but you gave her a chance to correct her mistakes. So in the end, it was truly and solely all her fault, not yours. 
Sure enough the phones began ringing off of the hook, followed by shouting from a few of the senior employees. You got a frantic phone call  from Research/Development manager Choi Iseul, asking why the promised budget had been cut in half. Closing out the screens on your desktop, you reassured the poor girl that you would look into this matter immediately before hanging up. She really didn’t need the stress right now at four months pregnant. 
You stepped out of the office, demanding what was going on. All eyes turned to the leading lady herself, her head down and face pinkened in embarrassment. You blinked. “Assistant Manager Hyeung Mun-Hee, what happened? You did fix the report as I had asked, right?” You controlled the tone of your voice, careful to not show anger and annoyance, strictly professionalism. You were pretty sure that you didn’t sound like a vindictive bitch either. But somehow she took your question as her cue to shout at you, to stop bullying her before running out towards the elevator. And right into the arms of the male lead. 
You exhaled a deep breath, running a hand through [Hair Color] tresses before you turned your attention back towards the team. “I need to fix this report and send it off to the other departments or else things will get ugly. I know I’m asking a lot right now, but could you screen the incoming calls? If any of them asks, please let them know I am making the necessary corrections and will email it to them promptly. Disregard the one that they’ve received from Assistant Manager Hyeung Mun-Hee.” 
Everyone clamored in agreement before diving back into their work, some already answering the phones and reciting exactly what you asked them to say as you bolted towards your office, slamming the door behind you. Considering that this isn’t your first loop, you had already taken the liberty of creating the correct report this morning before clocking in at the office. The issues were the same, so it took you all but twenty minutes to adjust and send it out to the managers. 
The calamity that struck evaporated in an instant, and the phones had stopped ringing. To you, it only heralded the opening sequence of the next scenario. Looking up from your phone, you saw two people walk out of the elevator. The female lead was dabbing her puffy face with a checkered handkerchief, standing by Yeo Jung Hwa himself as he got off his own personal device, no doubt finishing his talk with the CFO about his darling’s little fuck up. 
Placing your phone face down on the desk, you watched them glide across the room before the CEO reached your office, opening the door with a frown stretched across his face. 
Yeo Jung Hwa. The male lead of Love and Fortune, blessed with good looks, riches, and has been in charge of the conglomerate since he was twenty years old. A classic tyrannical CEO that almost everyone loved to read or watch because they’d see how soft he was around his lover and wanted that same kind of treatment for themselves. You saw him as more of a cunning snake who knew what he wanted and would use any means necessary to get it.
But whatever. Time to get into character. You thought as you stood up, eyeing the male lead apathetically. “Good afternoon, sir. How can I help you?”
“Explain what happened.” He said, amethyst eyes narrowing at you. Yes, he has fucking purple eyes thank you goddamned screenwriters. 
You raised an eyebrow. “Explain what, sir?” You asked. “The incident that has everyone in a panic?” Receiving nothing but silence from him, you continued. “It’s been resolved. I’ve already emailed all of the department heads the correct report to refer to at today’s meeting. I did tell Assistant Manager Hyeung Mun-Hee to fix the mistakes I’ve shown her,” You glanced at your employee before averting your attention back to the prick. “But when I looked at what was sent out, she did make a few adjustments…just that it only made matters worse and could have cost the company a lot of money.” You crossed your arms, leaning back against your desk. “Her performance was unacceptable, and she is my responsibility as her team leader. Which is why I would like to have Assistant Manager Hyeung Mun-Hee participate in this month’s upcoming financial seminars. A little refresher for two weeks, using her vacation days, and pass the tests so that there will not be a repeat of this incident again and jeopardize the conglomerate. Or would you see this as unfair treatment of an employee, CEO Yeo Jung-Hwa?”
You watched as the male lead looked over his shoulder, glaring balefully at his lover before he turned back to face you. “So be it. I want to see the results of her tests once they are completed and the lecturers aren’t under your payroll, Team Leader Park Seo-yun.”
“With all due respect, they are under your payroll, not mine.” You said drolly. “I don’t care how long it will take for her to complete the classes or to do the coursework. I want results, same as you. I do want to keep the completion certificates. If she doesn’t do it or chooses not to for whatever reason beyond a medical emergency, suspension with pay. No ifs, ands, or buts. Are these acceptable terms, sir?”
He didn’t like it, you could tell. Any event that separated from Hyeung Mun-Hee would put him in a sour mood and become more of a grouch. Kind of like a child having his favorite toy being taken away because he did something bad. But in this situation he couldn’t afford to have a temper tantrum  for obvious reason:
1) Displaying an immature attitude in a professional environment will make him less appealing to the viewers.
2) As previously stated, it was the female lead’s fault that this whole mess happened. He saw the evidence of her major fuck up, the CFO saw it, everyone did. Trying to sweep it under the rug would only incite more rumors of nepotism. He has a reputation to maintain. 
“...Fine.” He spat out. You nodded, seeing him turn on the ball of his foot and stomp out of the room. Nope, he is not happy about this. Neither is the trembling female lead standing in front of you. She really was a pretty woman, with reddish-brown hair falling past her shoulders and hazel eyes glistening with tears. 
“You’re dismissed. I’ll let you know the seminar schedule once I hear back from HR. Please return to work, you still have two hours left on your shift.”  You said, expecting her to go running to the restroom and cry, have a mental dialogue about how things were unfair right now but she will come out on top and preserve as it was written in the script. Except…she didn’t leave right away. She was glaring at you as if you were the most despicable person in the entire world, which you guess holds some truth. 
“You said this is all my fault, but it isn’t because I wasn’t trained properly! Where do you get off, saying such horrible things like this?! Just because you are rich doesn’t mean you have a great personality!”
Your eyes widened in shock. Okay, this scene was definitely not part of the drama in the last three loops. And she’s smart enough to know to not say this, even if the door is closed! 
Let’s be serious. No one should ever talk to a supervisor like this, even if they are an absolute scumbag and you hate their guts. 
“Assistant Manager Hyeung Mun-Hee, you were trained to learn and carry out these tasks during the ninety day trial period after being hired by the conglomerate,” You said as you tried to calm your racing heart. “I showed you the mistakes you made, and it’s clear that you made almost no effort to fix them. If you had, then this incident would not have happened. That is why you are going to sit through those seminars and take notes, or you will be suspended without pay. This is not up for debate. And just because I am rich doesn’t mean you can talk down to people as if you are better than them, myself included. Now leave. And don’t let me hear such vulgar words in here again or I will punish you. Are we clear?” 
“You-“
“Are you going to make me pull up your file and show everyone your certificates of completion from those training programs, the proof that you were trained to do your job and you’ve chosen to let others do your work for you?” You asked. “It’s fine to ask for help from others when needed, but you have to take responsibility for your actions or else you’ll never be able to surpass me.”
You watched Hyeung Mun-Hee’s face turn a darker shade of magenta and the tremors in her petite frame increase greatly before she excused herself. You could see the steam coming out of her ears; whether it was from embarrassment or anger, you weren’t certain. So long as she got your message and you acted your part as the villainess, then that should have met almost all of the requirements needed to move onto the next episode. The remaining factors were  the viewership score and Being X’s approval. 
The viewership score is a daily simple rating system numbered from 1 to 5 golden stars. If the episode reaches 3 and above, you’re clear. If the score is a 2, and Being X did not like your acting or even how everything played out, the loop would start all over again from the first scene. Perhaps instead of puppeteer, it’s more like a perfectionist director whose opinion can also be swayed by the viewership score. If the audience watching this fucked up universe enjoyed what they were watching, they’ll make it known. 
After all, more ratings means more money, even if you’re not getting paid for this.
 The last two loops where this episode happened, you followed the script to the letter without making any improvs. It didn't work out in the end, as you recalled with a frown at the memory. After being forced to kneel on the floor as you had done to her, you watched the lovebirds embrace. Well, at least the male lead was trying to comfort his ‘pure-hearted’ lover when that bitch smiled down at you from over his shoulder. As if she had won the game and you were the loser. Being X didn’t like the viewership scores back then. Now? Well, that’ll depend on whether or not you’ll wake up to the setting of episode 25 tomorrow morning. It’s either that…or finding yourself in the interview room again with Hyeung Mun-Hee during the pilot episode, her job application in your hand. 
Fuck my life. You thought glumly. 
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Congratulations, Congratulations, Congratulations!
Important things must be said three times.
The viewership score on Episode 24 has arrived!
Taglist: @nunezs-stuff @imperfectbloodmoon @yandere-dark-cupid @justcressida @cassanderasblog @faesdreaming @faux-ecrivain @abelheilonwife @tired-of-life-86 @tonightwrites @ixchelhernandez4 @aiimee9 @swallowtail-lotus @diannaflight @sweetbatherodonkey @strangepoppy @mochinon-yah @classicdummy @lanxianschoenheit @aman3kkun @beardedblizzardexpert @reiivven @majestichugs
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chiyeko-kurea · 2 months
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My last breath will be a sigh of relief.
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