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jaemified · 7 months

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TAKING ME HIGH (ANGEL)

“fuck. you really couldnt wait an hour?”

☆ pairing ; dior employee minghao x flight attendant fem reader

☆ genre ; smut (minors dni!!), porn w plot, est relationship

☆ warnings ; swearing, smoking, oral (m receiving)((giving head under the table)), handjob, haos mean, readers bratty, praise kink if ya squint, degrading, pet names (baby, pretty girl, angel, sweet girl, pretty baby, brat, slut), hair pulling

☆ wordcount ; 2.0k

☆ synopsis ; after being away from your boyfriend for almost a literal week thanks to your job, you want nothing more than him in every possible way. but when he finds himself picking his games over you, you come to a compromise; sneaking under the table while hes distracted.

READ BELOW THE CUT

it wasnt like your boyfriend didnt spoil you.

i mean, you were pretty fucking spoiled considering he was one of diors top employees. he always made sure to bring you home a ‘small’ gift coming out of his bonus after a successful sale at work.

and by small, he means one of the most expensive perfumes or shoes he knows youd love.

of course you were grateful for the gifts and all, it wasnt like it was one sided seeing as you always brought him back some luxury brand when you took part in flights across the world BUT, all you really wanted was his attention.

youre his perfect angel, you both knew that. but no amount of gifts can satisfy how much you craved him and his touch after a long 7 days without him.

finally, you were coming home. not that you were really gone that long. but when you’re a flight attendant for 10 different 12 hour long flights, its without a doubt you’ll be tired beyond belief.

you were so excited to see minghao, wanting nothing more than to cuddle with him in your warm bed.

that was, until you called him at least.

you realized you wanted way more.

you facetimed minghao as you stepped into your taxi on the way to your apartment complex, plugging your earbuds into your phone.

“hi baby. im so excited to see you! im about a half hour away.”

“me too, i bet you did so good at work. i got a surprise waiting for you. where are you? driving?” he mumbled, seeming distracted.

“im in a taxi, ill put it on my card though. what are you up to? you sound distracted. could you turn on your cam for me?”

“huh? oh yeah no problem, sorry. i just- damn it! wonwoo, get mingyu! hes right behind you!” minghao shouted, startling you as his loud voice rang through your ears.

you sighed, of course hes playing games.

“is this better?” he asked with a sweet but slightly confused tone.

there he was, your boyfriend. you couldnt even believe he was yours. he wasnt even doing anything, just sitting there with his phone propped up as he yelled at his computer.

“y/n?”

“huh? oh sorry.. you look..”

“great? i know.” he chuckled.

great was an understatement. hes heavenly. with his black fitted tank top, his sunglasses resting on top of his black cap.

you pressed your thighs together at the way his muscles flexed whenever he gripped his mouse.

minghao glanced over at you, smirking lazily as he lit up a cigarette he pulled from his desk drawer.

“smoking again?”

“coulda smoked with you if you were already here.”

“im not a stoner like you. its occasional.”

“isnt today an occasion?”

“...”

you both kept it short, with you being the one to hang up seeing as you were in semi public and totally not because you were growing more and more horny seeing minghao in that stupid tank top.

you made sure to tip the driver before you had rushed to the entrance of the building, barely able to wait any longer to see minghao (amongst other things).

you opened your door to your shared bedroom, and there he was.

“hey baby, how was work?” he asked half minded as he barely turned to notice you.

“it was so damn tiring. missed you.” you mumbled, walking over to your boyfriend, wrapping your arms around his neck and leaving a peck on his cheek.

“yeah missed you too sweet girl. fuck- chan! oh my god, revive me or i swear i wont buy you food for the rest of the month.”

“i thought itd be us today?” you pouted.

“it is, angel. whatever you want pretty baby. just give me a few minutes yeah?”

and so you waited,

and waited.

and waited some more

it felt like an eternity had passed (it was barely over an hour) yet you were growing needier by the second watching the way his muscles flexed, and the way his voice sounded, or especially the way he’d groan and throw his head back whenever he lost.

‘id kill to see him like that while i was doing something else..’ you mumbled

until,

a lightbulb went off in your head

slowly, you made your way to minghaos desk, pecking his soft lips before crawling under the table to kneel in front of him.

“what are you doing angel?” he asked with a warning tone.

“nothing. dont mind me.” you hummed as you reached out to untie the drawstrings on his sweatpants.

“y/n- god. just keep it down wont you?” he whispered looking down at you, then back at his computer screen as he saw a new game was starting.

you smiled to yourself knowing you were getting what you wanted, for the most part.

you pulled down his sweatpants, pressing a kiss on minghaos inner thigh, mumbling a ‘thank you’ as he lifted up his hips to make it easier for you remove the grey piece of clothing.

you kissed up from his knee, all the way up to his bulge before rubbing your thumb over his clothed tip, where a wet patch began to grow.

minghao brought one hand down to your head, gripping your hair. “stop teasing and just take it out already.” he muttered as he brought your face closer to him.

“i thought it was anything i wanted?” you mocked.

he only rolled his eyes and released his grip on your hair to return back to his keyboard.

you pull down his boxers, sighing in contentment as a drop of precum hits your cheek.

slowly, you wrap your lips around his tip, swirling your tongue around and swallowing what leaked out his slit.

you focused most of your attention on his tip knowing how sensitive he was before going down and taking as much as you could, feeling him deep in your throat.

minghao bit back a choked moan, you were able to feel how his body stiffened up.

“what? yeah im good. i just slammed my hand on my desk.” he brushed it off to his friends.

then, you noticed how hard he was trying to not get caught when you were hardly doing anything. so you wanted to try something — see how far you could go before he snaps.

you bob your head up and down his length, running your hand wherever your mouth couldnt reach.

seeing how he wasnt reacting as much anymore, you slowly pull off his dick. that was, up until you felt your boyfriends tight grip on your hair, moving you the way he wants you.

he held your head still as he fucked up into your mouth, letting out occasional low whimpers.

“hao- seriously, you seem so distracted like we might as well just kick you out the party.” mingyu joked.

“shut up gyu you arent even on our team.”

noticing the conversation between him and his friends, you thought youd stop for a few seconds just to take a breather, before he grips your hair harshly to keep you still, chuckling at how tears formed in the corners of your eyes when he started to thrust his hips up harder against the back of your throat.

“hes kinda right though, you keep dying twice every other round and spend most of your time just standing in the corner.” wonwoo spoke up before everyone else in the team muttered in agreement.

“whatever. im muting, hold on.”

he typed something into his keyboard before removing his headset, and looking down at you.

he stops his movements and releases your hair when you look up at him, his hard dick still resting in your warm mouth.

“what are we gonna do with you, huh sweet angel?”

you whined, rubbing your thighs together before pulling off him and replacing your movements with your hand, stroking him softly, giving him a squeeze.

“god- youre such a fucking brat.” he groaned as you sped up your pace. “fuck- you really couldnt wait an hour?”

“cant. missed you too much. need you so, so badly..” you moaned as you watched the amount of precum leaking from his tip, lowering your head to lick it up.

“yeah? youre an impatient slut huh? couldnt wait for my cock? is that it?” he scoffed.

minghao takes one more puff of the joint he lit earlier before putting it out and throwing away the bud, blowing the smoke up towards the ceiling.

he puts his hand over yours, stopping your wrist before whispering in your ear,

“if you dont make me cum in 5 minutes, youre not cumming at all.”

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st4rshang0ut · 6 months

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Genshin Sagau brainrot pt2

Pt1

Sagau au, right? The characters all love you, they grovel at your feet. You want something? You'll get multiple of them at the foot of your bed. You like some kind of food? Those good in cooking will make them for you as long as you like!

But this doesn't come without its downsides. You have at least close to around 80 loyal acolytes, how are you supposed to divide your attention equally so brawls dont break out?

Simple.

Ocs!

Now, I’m sure we've all heard of the sagau universe's Traveler, whether its Lumine or Aether, the npcs and playable characters only act so accomodating and sweet to the Traveler and Paimon is due to the fact that they know their divine creator is looking upon them with their heavenly gaze by controlling the Traveler's body.

Likewise, when you log off, your characters will come to life in place of the Traveler or your party members you control! Wriothesley has a character thats his assistant? The Administrator of the Fortress of Meropide is quick to snatch them away for himself, and shower and praise them with love. Furina earns a personal attendant thats there to be the relief to Furina's loud and dramatic personality? She'll make sure to always include that attendant during her tea time and give her those limited cake slices! They know that its not the divine creator they are caring and giving their love to, but they love them as well! Perhaps even more so, considering that this particular character is always with your devoted followers even when your online...

They are eternally all grateful of these precious, living, breathing blessings that you provide. they are gifts from you, for each of them. Klee, Diona and the kids all get their own best friend or older sibling, the Archons get their mortal/immortal friends, the vision holders all get their own loverfriends and family to hold and stay dear to. Heck, you like an npc so much you give them an character? Those npcs will cherish them with all their life.

You may not be able to enter their world and be with them, the characters and personas you send their way to keep them company in your offline or online absence, they'll cherish them till the very end.

Who knows... they may even love their new companions so much that they wont even try to find a way to bring you into their world...

But they’ll always love you! Just- maybe not as much as the beloved characters you have made and blessed upon them..~

(Author's note) you know, i might expand on this idea. give me a character to write a oc for based on this!

(Second author’s note) I’m doing it, here the list to all the characters hehe

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parad-ice-lostandfound · 1 year

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Prompt: Because I'm tired and want someone to cuddle me <3

Pairing: OM!Boys and GN!Reader

Genre: Fluff, comfort

TW: NA

AN: Because I feel drained. You know that bone-deep tiredness that's there for no apparent reason? Yeah, that's what I've been feeling for the past 4 days. Add horrible, horrible summer heat with it and you have one very tired, sticky and frustrated Icey.

This is very self-indulgent btw. Not really happy with the ending, but oh well, this has spent too long in my drafts, so enjoy~

The first sign that something was not right with you was when you woke up.

Your skin was clammy, the t-shirt you had slipped into the previous night sticking to your body despite it being a fairly cold night. An odd sense of exhaustion hung over as you sat up in bed, drowsily willing your limbs to move.

You jolted slightly at a sudden pounding at your door, groaning as you heard Mammon's voice telling you that you were late. Letting out a tired sigh, you swung your legs to get out of bed.

You went through your morning routine (that Asmo had all but wrestled you into following), trying to fight the alluring call of your still unmade bed. Normally you would make your bed as soon as you woke up, but considering the time constraints imposed upon you, you decided not to today. Besides, if you were to keep feeling this way the entire day, you would collapse into bed the moment you came home.

Mind made, you slung your bag (that you had the foresight to pack the day before, thank Diavolo-) over your shoulder. Time for another day of learning at RAD.

What could possibly go wrong?

You had been feeling queasy the entire day, and that only heightened when it was time for lunch.

Solomon eyed you as you kept playing with the food on your plate. A glance at Simeon revealed that he too had noticed your off behavior. The brothers were all a bit pre-occupied with some student council related work, which was why you were currently sitting with the Purgatory Hall members; but that couldn't be the reason for the way you barely made a dent in the food provided by the cafeteria. And it was one of your favorites as well.

"MC?" he called out to you gently.

You hummed in response. "Yes Sol?"

"Is the food not to your liking?" Simeon asked, his careful question bringing Luke's attention to your mostly untouched food. The younger angel began fretting and worrying over you instantaneously.

Luke's actions brought out the very first smile from you all day. "I'm fine Luke, just a bit tired," you responded to his heart-warming actions, lightly ruffling his hair. Luke huffed, but still hovered close to you with a concerned expression on his face. Simeon took one of your hands in his, checking your well-being using his angelic powers. Nothing seemed too out of the ordinary, and he told you as much.

"But still, you shouldn't overexert yourself MC," Simeon added after some thought. Just as you were going to reply, a familiar voice cut in.

"Indeed MC. There is no need to force yourself to attend RAD if you're not feeling well," Diavolo gave you a smile as he took a seat next to Simeon. Barbatos stood at his side, a fond smile on his lips as well.

"You should take the day off. Lucifer won't mind, I'm sure."

"I-"

Solomon lightly elbowed you, mischief in his eyes as he whispered, "Take the day off. You look dead on your feet, and I would prefer it if my little apprentice is in prime condition for all our experiments~"

You huffed in amusement. For all his cockiness, you could hear the concern in his words. "Fine," you conceded, missing the way everyone seemed relieved, "I'll go home, but only because I feel like trash. And i probably wont be able to concentrate in class." You stood to throw your uneaten lunch in the trash, coming back to your friends to get your bag. "Guess I'll get going now."

"Do you need someone to escort you MC?" Barbatos asked, his hand coming up to brush a few strands of your hair behind your ear. An innocent gesture that had your heart speeding up momentarily, and a red tint spreading all over your face. Barbatos chuckled at your flustered state as you squeaked out, "Nope! I'll be fine!"

"Rest well."

As soon as you reached the House of Lamentation, it was like a switch had been flipped. The exhaustion you had been fighting to keep back hit you with all the force of a rampaging beast. You barely made it to the bathroom, stripping off your clothes and getting into the bathtub.

You lost track of time as you soaked in the warm water, the bath salts Asmo had gotten for you relaxing you and taking some of the tiredness away. Once the water lost its warmth and your fingers became all wrinkled, you decided to get out. You nearly slipped when you placed one foot on the bathroom floor, hand shooting out to hold onto the side of the bathtub. A breathless laugh tumbled out of your lips, your heart hammering away in your rib cage from the close call. Carefully this time, your extracted yourself and quickly changed into clean and comfortable clothes after drying yourself.

Now that you felt less like a grimy gremlin, you decided to take a nap. Unfortunately, your bed did not feel as comfortable as it looked anymore. You tossed and turned for a few minutes, huffing in frustration before finally sitting up and glaring at the offending piece of furniture.

You needed to sleep. You wanted to sleep. But you were not comfortable enough to and it was driving you mad. Grumbling, you got off your bed, shooting it another nasty glare, picked up your favorite fluffy blanket and left the room.

One long and arduous journey up a flight of stairs led you to the perfect place for taking naps; the attic. You sighed in bliss as you sank into the bed, fluffy blanket on top of you soft and comforting on your skin. Things couldn't be any better.

You slipped into dreamland soon after, not realizing that you had forgotten your DDD in your room.

Lucifer frowned, looking at his chat with you.

When Diavolo first told him that you had gone home because you hadn't been feeling well, he wondered whether it was just an excuse. While he hadn't paid you much attention that morning, you seemed perfectly fine. When Simeon told him about your off behavior throughout the day, he got concerned enough to send you messages asking if you had reached the House of Lamentation safely and if you needed anything.

Messages that had gone unread and unanswered, even as it was nearing the end of the school day.

Lucifer wondered momentarily if he was the only one who went ignored, a belief shattered when he heard the loud voices of Asmo and Mammon complaining that you had ignored their messages and calls. Levi nervously asked, "D-do you think they're hurt or something? They don't usually ignore our messages..."

A ripple of panic passed through the brothers, but before anyone could act on that panic, Satan spoke up. "If something was wrong with them, we would have felt it through our pacts. Calm down."

"Satan's right. They must be resting right now," Lucifer hummed, hand resting on his hip as he looked at his brothers. "So you should all refrain from bombarding them with texts and calls. There are only two lectures remaining for the day to end; we can check up on them once we're home."

Garnet eyes watched as his brothers left the student council room one by one, before taking another look at his DDD.

Still unread...

"MC? We're home darling!"

"Shut up Asmo, they're sleeping right now. I can feel it," Belphie grumbled, the soothing hum of the pact mark against his skin lulling him to sleep. It was a calm that washed over him when you were taking part in his sin, and with the intensity of it, he could tell you were in the house.

That was good. The House of Lamentation was safe, more or less.

He watched as Mammon bee-lined straight to your room. Then, in true Mammon fashion, he threw open the door, only to freeze instantaneously.

"Oi, MC?" he called out as he stepped inside the room, eyes finding it empty. "Hey human, where are you?"

"They're not in their room?" Satan asked as he peeked inside said room, frowning as though it could tell him where you went. "Their bag and DDD is still here," he observed.

"Maybe they've gone to one of our rooms? Oh, I do hope it's mine~" Asmo giggled before skipping away. Belphie watched all of his brothers try to get to their own rooms, including Lucifer, in hope they'd find you resting there. Idiots, the bunch of them.

"...Where do you think they are Belphie?"

"The attic, Beel."

"Okay."

Levi made his way to the common room after having checked if you were in his room. It's not like he seriously thought you would be there. He sleeps in a bathtub, and that isn't the most relaxing place to sleep, he knows this. But he was surprised to see almost all of his brothers there as well.

Asmo pouted, leaning against Satan on the sofa. Lucifer sat on the armchair, watching as Mammon paced left and right.

"What's going on?"

"Oh, Levi! MC's not in any of our rooms, and I'm guessing they aren't in yours either?" Asmo hummed as Levi nodded.

"Did you check the twin's room?"

"I did, it was empty as well," Satan answered.

A beat of silence before... "Did anyone check the attic?"

The five brothers looked at each other, realization setting in as 4 of them scrambled to get to their resting human.

Lucifer sighed, before following his brothers up the stairs to the attic. Once he reached the top, he could see Asmo taking photos and cooing at the scene in front of them all.

You were cocooned in a fluffy blanket, your hair the only part of you visible. Beel slept comfortably on his side, his back facing the door to the attic, one arm over your swaddled figure securely. Belphie was on the other side, not asleep for once as he gave his older brothers a lazy smirk. "Took you guys long enough," he chuckled.

"Oi, you brat- mmph!"

"Shut up, they're sleeping," Belphie hissed, the arm used to throw a pillow at Mammon's face lowering and maneuvering the blanket around you so your face was now somewhat visible. "If you promise to be quiet, you can join us," he hummed, before closing his eyes and drifting off to dreamland.

Lucifer gave an exasperated smile as the rest of his brothers joined the cuddle pile, opting to pull a chair beside the bed for himself, content with watching over his family as they rested.

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kyriat-stories · 25 days

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- I'm not sure if I can help Noor, but I will try. Of course Kyrios Sahphiris is retired now, but we can ask.

- So you think he might consider it, even if there was this "thing" with his daughter and my Teo?

- He is a very honorable person, and his daughter is now engaged elsewhere, so hopefully that wont influence him. I feel for young Lykrevia too, she hasn't had an easy life, so I will do my best to convince him.

- Thank you so much Figaleía. But now to some happier news. It's Areth. She has a good eye to the boy next door, and I was hoping you could help us with the formalities?

- That is good news indeed! Of course I will! Small private wedding? Or something more public?

- You will have to talk with the groom's parents as well of course, but if it is up to me: A big happy wedding party!

- Oh how exciting!

The preparations for the hearing dragged out. The king wanted to attend all the interviews with the council members himself, and not just anyone was selected. Only candidates who had both wealth and knowledge, and who had unassailable morals, were selected.

In the mean while Kyrios Sahphiris had accepted the assignment to represent Lykrevia. Already he had made sure that the conditions were more acceptable, and that Lykrevia, who was still breastfeeding, were able to keep her daughter with her.

One evening Amunet was passing by and she was not happy.

- Noor! You back-stabbing snake! What are you trying to do to me! Destroy my life?!

- Amunet, I'm not doing anything against you...

- But you are! You are helping Aranare's killer! I never believed this about you! How could you!

- Amunet calm down!

- Don't tell me to calm down! You are destroying my family! I can loose everything! Is it that h*re you took in that has poisoned your soul?

- Is it me you are referring to? Mpatíni shouted from the background. How dare you!

- Don't talk about my daughter-in-law like that!

- So you are on her side now are you! Her brother destroyed our family and now she will drag you down to the underground, mind my words!

- I think you should have a good look at your own behavior before you start pointing fingers.

- How could you betray me like this, Noor? I thought you were my friend!

- I am your friend, but I also have to do what I think is fair and just.

- I will never forgive you. NEVER! Πόρν��!

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alexin-wonderlust · 2 months

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Day 2 - Japan Blog - 8 February 2024

Disneyland

I promise this blog wont be as lengthy but I really wanted to share my tips about hot to get in to Japan; today we are off to Disneyland. Let's get it off the bat, first thing, straight to the good stuff. Starting the day with a Squeeze Squeeze (my favourite Orange Juice, it is the most pulpiest juice ever, it's like biting into an orange) we started the commute to Disneyland.

Now; I wanted to get there early -- I didnt think ropedrop was necessary but apparently it was. I missed out on the Space Mountain priority pass AND the Enchanted Tales with Belle priority pass (the one you have to pay for...) I was actually blown away. The amount of planning I did; and that still wasnt enough to anticipate the crowd that was the day we attended. I managed to sweet talk one of the lovely Cast Members at Space Mountain and she gave me a Switch Rider Pass, arigato -- so I could come back and use that at a later time (just like a fast pass). Ben didnt want one because he isnt a "ride guy". Fair enough, but SPACE MOUNTAIN IS AMAZING -- if you are a ride guy and want to try something awesome, please give it a go. You wont regret.

After being sad and chucking a tantrum about not being able to go on the ONE RIDE I SO BADLY WANTED TO RIDE... I was satiated with a cute pink Mickey beanie and Ben got the matching glasses (because Valentines Day is next week!!) and then we went on to Toontown to see the bits of the park we missed last time.

This is my sixth visit to Tokyo Disneyland and while there have been some changes -- It's so nice to see it back to "normal" since COVID. When we visited in November 22, there was so much magic missing and there still is; ahem -- single riders line, paper maps... just to name a few. But there are also some good changes and the merch is back to being fun and cute. I really enjoyed shopping at Disneyland a lot more this time than I did in 2022.

(Bring back single riders lines and paper maps because I need it!)

Ben got to go on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride which I have been raving about for years (it was closed for refurb last time) and we even got to have a beer before hand -- Since when can you drink beer in Disneyland!? This is new and I like it! Also, seeing snow (albeit dirty piles, I dont care!!) in the park is SO GOOD -- I had fun doing a squish!

For dinner, we settled on the Queen of Hearts Banquet which -- of course, was mediocre at best. But, I mean. Its a counter meal, it is easy, fun and the theming is cute. Although my phone battery was starting to deplete and the charge bank I brought with me turned out to be a pile of trash.

Here's a TIP! If you are going to be spending the day out and about -- PLEASE CONSIDER BRINGING A FULLY CHARGED BATTERY BANK.

If you cant, there are some options; but Disneyland struggled to meet our needs and here's why.

-The charge spots are in Japanese. No issue, except I need my phone to translate and that drains battery.

-You need an APP to hire a battery bank. This is also in japanese and you cant translate it.

-You have to scan the QR code 3 or 4 times which means people are hanging around in the area, which is ANNOYING because therye in the way and you're stressing out because of the next point...

-It doesnt accept any other payment method except CREDIT CARD. Not debit card, not paypal linked to a credit card, not apple pay. It has to be "enter your CREDIT card details" to make a payment.

This was very frustrating because by the time I had located the charge spot; tried about 3 times; downloaded the app, created an account, tried to link my debit card, paypal, etc... my battery is now on 2%. EEP!

HOW TO FIX; I went to the HOME STORE next to the American Waffle Co near the Main Street and they sell battery packs for approximately 2900YEN. Which was about $30AUD. This thing was amazing. It had enough charge to fill both ben and my phone to at least 60% and get us through until back to the hotel. Thank you Disney! :)

I wanted to keep this short so I will just say the next things in dot point form:

-Minnies Funderland promo is super cute but the girls hogged the picture spots and there were massive line ups for the special foods all day.

-Got some super cute pictures at Golden Hour at the castle.

-Ben got his sherrif pin for winning the Shooting Gallery and getting 10 shots in a row!

-Rides we went on were Space Mountain, Star Tours, Pirates of the Caribbean

-The electrical parade is amazing but its TOO COLD -- the fireworks were bloody pitiful. Sorry, but they suck.

Then we start the long trek through the crowd back to the hotel (this is why I prefer to stay onsite when I go to Disneyland... its just easier for a hotel thats not much more expensive...!)

On the way back we found a supermarket and I stocked up on some "healthier" options; like a banana and I organised myself a bath and a face mask for my first relaxation, pamper session. One of my favourite things to do in Japan. While I was in the bath; Ben went to the 7/11 and they had an onigiri which has now plagued my brain -- pork and wasabi. I need more and I need them all.

#japan #japan travel #alexinwonderlust #travel #travel blog #bennyandthelex #disneyland #tokyo disneyland #japan february 2024

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sequesteredschizo · 27 days

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cw // suicidal ideation & self harm

thought too much about where I should post these words @ and where to do it if I did

Decided on here, both to challenge myself to be honest about how I'm doing and as a small private testament to myself, esp considering I can't guarantee I'll remember any of this later if I don't

A few months ago I decided I was supposed to kill myself on April 26th 2024. I think something about doing that nullified certain anxieties of mine at times, for better and for worse. I thought the worst thing I could do that would ruin everyone I cared about was already going to happen, so I was able to loosen my grip somewhat on the people-pleasing and the social anxiety and the agoraphobia- maybe a sort of subconscious 'if something doesn't change, i will be dying. So I might as well try while I'm still around.' I've been callous and I've been unstable, but I also took risks (or, actions I that felt like risks to me) that landed me with more life-affirming results than I could have ever anticipated.

I sent texts I thought were annoying and stupid to people I wished I talked to more, I tried to eat like a well-adjusted adult person, I was honest with my dad about how hellish my disability was making my life for the first time. Etc etc. Anything to connect, anything to survive. I didn't care anymore. it felt like the end of the world. To everyone else it probably seemed like I was finally re-entering society, if anyone thought much of it at all (unlikely, imo.) At one point, I hurt myself worse than I ever had before, and without really meaning to, haven't done it since. It feels now like a microcosm of the bigger picture, just by coincidence. Doing better wasn't necessarily my intention, but it was a consequence of thinking I was fucking it all up one last time. Might as well throw all the chips in.

Last weekend I attended a wedding out-of-state for a relative I hadn't seen in years knowing id meet countless new faces and I didn't even freak out. And I was terrified, and I didn't want to go there and I didn't want to stay here but I did it anyways. Turns out I don't think I've ever felt so loved and welcomed and appreciated in my life. The people I reached out to on a whim, because what was the worst that could happen? Some of them actually respond back, fucking shocker. My dad is trying to stop pretending I don't exist. I'm a little less malnourished. So those are all good developments.

I feel like I reached up into an empty sky with the very last dregs of energy I had and by some miracle, just enough of the universe reached back. I don't and didnt want to scar and endanger my struggling loved ones because I couldn't be strong enough to deal with myself. It had to be my last option, after truly trying everything I could. I didn't even do much, and I didn't expect it to work. I didn't expect my favorite band to be dropping new shit on my due date. I didn't know that I would really honestly from the bottom of my heart not want to leave this fucked up horrible beautiful tragic world behind.

I know there's always going to be a part of me that expects me to commit. it's always been easier for me to hurt myself than help myself. I've written a lot of suicide notes throughout my life. This is the first time I've ever done the opposite, I guess? This is supposed to be my promise to me that I want to live. I need to. Its really hard to admit that to myself. I'm pretty sure I can do it tho.

I think (and almost hope) that the handful of you who follow this stupid little blog wont read this, but I posted it here because theres too many people everywhere else. It's directed at myself anyway.

a distant yell into a cacophonous void, in hopes that typing it will act as a metaphysical vehicle for manifesting it in the collective subconscious:

TRANS PEOPLE DONT KILL YOURSELF!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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kjack89 · 2 years

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Coup de Foudre

For @themiserablesmonth Day 25: First Glance.

Canon era, developing E/R.

Read on AO3.

Enjolras’s tone was unusually sour as he led Courfeyrac into the backroom of the Musain. “All that I am saying,” he said loudly, in a tone that indicated he wished this particular argument to be over, “is that there is no such thing as love at first glance.”

Courfeyrac rolled his eyes in return. “And all that I am saying is that you are being quite boring about this,” he said, sounding particularly put out.

Enjolras looked as though he was barely managing to stop himself from also rolling his eyes in response, brightening when he saw Combeferre seated at the table, reading through the draft of a pamphlet. “Ah, Combeferre, talk some sense into Courfeyrac, would you?”

Combeferre glanced up at them, brow lifted in what might have been amusement. “I have yet to be able to thus far,” he said evenly. “But on which topic would you have me try?”

Courfeyrac huffed a sigh at being suddenly outnumbered as Enjolras said, “You do recall Courfeyrac’s idiot roommate?”

Combeferre blinked. “Marius?”

“The very one,” Enjolras said, his tone disapproving, as if the very concept of Courfeyrac’s roommate was something to be derided. “The twit has decided that he is in love.”

“Ah.”

Combeferre uttered but the single syllable, which was perhaps for the best, as Enjolras did not seem to notice that he had spoken at all. “With a woman to whom he has never spoken, and whom he has seen, charitably, a handful of times. Am I correct?”

He directed this final question at Courfeyrac, who rolled his eyes a second time as he slumped into the chair next to Combeferre. “Certainly, when you say it like that and strip it of all romance,” he said, matching Enjolras’s sour tone, but when he turned to speak to Combeferre, his tone turned almost wistful. “It was the coup de foudre, Combeferre. I witnessed it with my own eyes.”

“And as I have long maintained, such a thing is but fantasy,” Enjolras interrupted loudly. He gestured to Combeferre. “So I leave it to you to attempt some semblance of reason, lest I despair that all logic is lost forever.”

Combeferre set his pen down, taking a moment to gather his thoughts before carefully pronouncing, “Physiologically speaking, Enjolras may very well be correct.” Courfeyrac made a disparaging noise, but Combeferre continued doggedly, “One day we may be able to parse the brain’s chemistry and demonstrate that the chemicals of infatuation are markedly different from the sustained bond of love and attachment.”

“Spoil sport,” Courfeyrac muttered, as Enjolras gave him a triumphant smile.

Combeferre cleared his throat. “And yet—”

Enjolras groaned, sitting on Courfeyrac’s other side.. “Could you not leave well enough alone?”

“Despite your insistence that you remain above such things,” Combeferre told him, “I prefer to think of the human experience as more than just a sum of chemical reactions.”

Enjolras scowled. “Meaning what, precisely?”

“Meaning that I do not believe the answer to your question is as simple as you think.” Now Combeferre sounded eager, as he was wont to when confronted with a philosophical question, even one not directly posed by either man in attendance. “And that it has a great deal to do with what one considers to be love.”

“Other than idiocy?” Enjolras muttered.

Courfeyrac smirked as he interjected, saccharine sweet, “If it is idiocy, then my roommate very well may have experienced it, by your own admission.”

Enjolras’s scowl deepened. “That is not what I meant, and you know it.”

Combeferre again cleared his throat. “The fact of the matter is, there are many kinds of love beyond simply infatuation or romantic love,” he said reasonably. “Think, after all, of how many words the Greeks used to describe love, from philautia to agape. So too it stands to reason that while you and I might consider pragma to be inconceivable at first glance, eros or even philia might be possible. And are not all of them types of love?”

Both Courfeyrac and Enjolras considered it for a moment, before Enjolras sighed and shook his head. “Far be it for me to argue with the Greeks about anything,” he said, in a tone that indicated he had and would continue to argue with the long dead Greeks about a great many things, “but I believe that to be a separate question of whether Marius Pontmercy has indeed fallen into the commonly understood notion of love at but a single glance.”

“And I believe all three of you are missing the point entirely,” a fourth voice stated, and all three turned as one to stare at Grantaire, slumped in the corner, wine bottle in front of him. “At first glance, at hundredth, at thousandth, even. It is all the same.”

Combeferre’s eyes narrowed. “Speak plainly, Wine Cask, if you are to speak at all.”

The corners of Grantaire’s lips twitched toward what may have been a smile �� or a smirk. “Forgive me for daring to speak in the company of such esteemed wisdom,” he said, lifting his bottle in a mocking toast.

“Careful, Capital R—” Courfeyrac started warningly, but Enjolras laid a hand on his arm.

“No, I wish to hear what he has to say.” He fixed his eyes on Grantaire. “Say what you will, Grantaire,” he said. “I would hear your insight into this of all matters.”

Though his words were magnanimous, his tone indicated that he did not believe Grantaire capable of such insight. Perhaps it was for this reason that Grantaire flushed slightly, though when he spoke again, his voice was determined, and his eyes were locked unwaveringly on Enjolras’s. “You speak as though there are only two options. As if love at first glance can happen only the very first time two pairs of eyes meet across a crowded room.”

Combeferre frowned. “Is that not the definition of love at first sight?”

“No.”

“No?” Courfeyrac repeated, almost amused.

Grantaire lifted his chin, just slightly, his eyes still on Enjolras. “No. In love, all is made new again, which is why it matters not if it is the first time eyes meet, or the hundredth.”

“Or the thousandth,” Enjolras finished, something strange in his tone.

Grantaire nodded. “Indeed. For when eyes meet in love, when one or both understands and realizes that who they are seeing is not merely a friend, an acquaintance, even a stranger, but someone who will irrevocably alter the course of their life, any glance made before that matters not at all.” He shrugged, something softening in his expression. “All love happens at a first glance, the first glance that starts something entirely new, the first glance that makes a heart call out in longing.”

Combeferre glanced sideways at Courfeyrac. “I will admit, I expected drunken rambling, not poetry,” he said in an undertone.

Courfeyrac just shook his head slowly. “Can there not be poetry even in drunken rambling?” he asked, equally quiet.

“And so too may man hope that one day, their beloved might look upon them with eyes finally clear, and know, just as they do, in a first glance of their own,” Grantaire said softly, something almost sad, or at the very least longing, underpinning his words. Then, as if realizing he had said more than he intended, his flush deepened, a mottled red. “That is…that is what I think,” he finished weakly, tearing his eyes away from Enjolras to find his bottle.

Combeferre cleared his throat. “Well, that is certainly an interesting counterpoint to our discussion, do you not think, Enjolras?” Enjolras said nothing, and Combeferre leaned forward to frown at him. “Enjolras?”

But Enjolras was still staring at Grantaire, a peculiar expression on his face. “I—” he started, before trying again. “That is to say, I, uh…”

He trailed off and Grantaire stood, taking his wine bottle with him. “Now that my piece has been said, I find myself in need of more libation,” he said, toasting them again, though somewhat less mockingly this time. “Gentlemen.”

As Grantaire strode to the door, Courfeyrac shook his head. “Well, now that we’ve seemingly settled the matter, let us turn to other things.”

But Combeferre stopped him. “Courfeyrac,” he said quietly.

“What?”

Combeferre nodded toward Enjolras, who was still staring at the seat that Grantaire had vacated. “I think it best we give Enjolras a moment.”

Courfeyrac’s brow furrowed. “Why? What ails him?”

“Nothing,” Combeferre said, shaking his head. “Just—”

Realization struck Courfeyrac. “Surely you don’t think—” He broke off, unable to stop the small, delighted smile that stretched across his face. “A first glance.”

Combeferre shrugged, a little helplessly. “After the thousandth.”

Courfeyrac shook his head in wonder. “The coup de foudre.”

“Such as it were.”

Enjolras suddenly shook his head as if to clear it, blinking rapidly as he returned to himself. “My apologies,” he said. “What were we discussing?”

Combeferre and Courfeyrac exchanged knowing glances. “Love at first glance,” Courfeyrac said, still smiling. “And just when, exactly, that first glance may occur.”

#exr #enjolras x grantaire #enjoltaire #enjolras #grantaire #combeferre #courfeyrac #with mentions of the boobie himself Marius #fanfiction #les miserables #canon era #developing relationship #so to speak #the miserables month 2022

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catsconflictscopicsandchamomile · 5 months

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gods sometimes I hate that I can't think about Palestine, about everything going on in the world, 24/7.

I ask myself "well why not? why not just think about that stuff and school and chores? why does fUCKING FANDOM and special interests eat your life and personality like this? don't you have any empathy?"

and I know the answer. I know its because there have been MANY times in my life where I've taken my own advice and tried to think about "the issues" 24/7. I became a total asshole. angry, stupid, often self-destructive. I didn't make any change or contribution besides starting fights with strangers online, and any effort I DID make to contribute irl just led to so many messes that the people who were actually helping then had to step aside and clean up.

the times I'm most capable of help are when I'm able to keep a balance between awareness of the problems in the world, with other stuff (both fandom and just like... homework n shit). it feels SO wrong and SO un-natural to actively prioritize fandom, but I've tried the "right" way so much and been such a dick and done a good bit of harm.

and I've tried the "wrong" way this past year and done more good/participated more than ever.

results speak for themselves.

and ik everyone does activism differently.

I'm obviously not gonna break any boycotts, holy shit no. I'm still attending protests and making posters/art for local activist movements and doing what I can when I can.

its just so tempting to put 99.99999% of myself into REALLY feeling that grief and rage and helplessness... but again. I know, yknow?

I know how that ends. I may feel righteous and empathetic and, honestly, Cool(tm), but I'm not doing shit for anyone

if mainlining destiel into my brainstem lets me show up for protests and make art and do all of that while NOT being a total bag of dicks...

ugh. it just feels fucking weird

(& yes, I did try the "really feel it, no self-anesthetizing with fandom and no distancing myself from it on purpose" approach as recently as this fall. after physically forcing myself to not send threats to kill strangers' pets, exposing my unmasked face to cameras while chalking a govt building, being kinda socially inappropriate and considering vandalism, i realized that it does in fact still make me an asshole.)

like I feel guilty about purposefully distancing myself for these issues, but also simultaneously understand from past experience that this is the best way for me to make actual, meaningful contributions. its weird.

if i go full-in on Understanding(tm) it, I FEEL morally/spiritually superior, and sure, it MIGHT make me a better activist, but years of experience tell me that, despite how I'm perceiving myself in that moment, it wont.

if I keep distancing myself, ie LITERALLY PURPOSEFULLY seeking out fandom/yt brainrot/Shiny Happy Things to AVOID thinking about it, I do more. I'm involved more, go to more protests, meetings, talk to friends about it.

...that is the reverse of how those things should work.

I think this may be the same kind of reason I don't do existentialism or organized religion. there are some things, really deep or emotional things, that if I think abt them too hard I get stuck EXTREMELY far up my own ass in how I can "only" think of these things or else I'm "awful"

but that's it. its all just thinking. and feeling. and not acting.

...I guess I'll go back to obsessing over my little shows and ships, making actual contributions to anti-genocide, anti-colonialism, pro-palestine efforts

and wondering why the FUCK I'm like this.

...also ok tbh my desire for some kind of moral or spiritual depth/fulfillment/righteousness/forgiveness???? via immersing myself in the experience of VICTIMS OF ONGOING GENOCIDE to try to understand their experience is uhhh

creepy.

especially given that its at the direct detriment of my actual activism and to the emotional harm of peers and fellow activists.

yeah hm actually that is just kind of creepy. and not helpful.

#tw personal #personal #tw vent #vent #rant #tw rant #palestine #activism #internal struggles #i keep thinking im lying to myself just to have an excuse to not care #but looking at my activism when i engage “fully” vs when i dont #the difference is STAGGERING. “not engaging fully” seems to lead to much fuller engagement and idfk WHY #i think theres a part of me that sees stuff happening and ppl suffering and goes “I HAVE TO FIX THAT. I. ME.”#“if i cant fix that now. i can actually. it hurts too much”#and that part of me is rly self-destructive and not a team player #that part of me can stay in fandom. so the more grounded and collaborative part of me can do activism.#i am NOT. a GOOD PERSON. to LEAD THINGS #but IF i engage with these issues fully. I WILL TRY. and it will go POORLY.#Get My Head Out Of My Ass hours

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coolcattime · 2 years

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Heyo its me the usual anon here with a mianite au

Mianite noir. S1 tucker is a PI a bit rough and a complete downer who has a bitter view of the world but more often than not takes on difficult or dangerous cases that the mostly corrupt police force wont. He's often wears a symbol of mianite on his neck under his shirt so that it's pressed against his chest. His weapon of choice is a white and blue revolver that never seems to tun out of amno, and he often spends his sober days in the local mianite church praying some long forgotten sins away.

Sonja is a cop, a fresh recruit bright eyed and hoping to help people she is quickly finding out about the rot and corruption deeply embedded in the force. She often works with tucker in solving cases using insider knowledge only the police force is privvy to. The longer she works in the force the more her positivity and hope is sapped away and she often times finds herself considering taking bribes under the table or ignoring the many injustices infront of her. She used to attend service at the mianite temple often but now rarely goes instead confiding in a friend of hers. She has a white and blue pistol for a weapon but if you pay close attention when she shoots the gun the smoke lingers for a moment wrapping around the barrel and almost reaches her hand but always fades away before making it that far.

Tom, is a mafia boss, he runs the underworld and encourages the rampant crime in the city buying off the police and visciously attacking rival gangs. He's considered a mysterious figure in the underworld with roomers being He's an invincible monster with people pumping hundreds of rounds of ammo into his chest and him walking it off and killing them. Mostly everyone fears him. He has a tattoo of the mark of dianite on his chest, he has an all black tommy gun that shoots flaming bullets but, his true weapon is a bowie knife that has a crimson red hilt a serrated edge and a arcane looking markings on it. Very few have managed to survive against him when he weilds it. His base is an abandoned church in the center of the industrial district of the city

Jordan is a bartender. Well he owns the bar and works the counter. His place is a no fighting zone so most people no matter what side they're on drink here cops, mobsters, petty criminals, and pi's because of his bartending he is always pretty up to date on roomers or the situation of the city which can be a tempting prospect. There are many roomers surrounding him, that every mob boss in the city fears him, that the police would rather not look into the shady aspects of his business model. He takes one day a week off where he heads into the woods some claim that they see foxes coming out of the forest to greet him and lead him further into it some who said they followed him deep into the woods say that he worships a mostly forgotten goddess. His weapon of choice is a riffle that he keeps under his bar, the metal is a dull shade of purple. He is also quite proficient with his hands wearing a set of amethyst and emerald rings on his hands that make his hits devastating.

Okay, I love all of this. Like I love this so so much. I love the idea of a noir but also magical world, I think the concepts combine really well as magic but in a very gritty messed up world is always interesting. In order to keep my brain straight, this is gonna go: discussing characters you've presented, adding a few more, and then a little plot.

Tucker as the cynical PI is such a good take. A kind of light in the darkness of a corrupt system, but he definitely doesn't see himself that way. I love the idea of his revolver, guns that don't seem to run out of ammo are always very fun to me especially revolvers since you should be able to clearly see the amount of ammo they have.

Sonja as the slowly fading optimist is so good. Her being a cop attempting to avoid corruption is really fun, especially as I imagine it adds some conflict to her interactions with Tucker. I also really like the way her canon turning to the shadows is here both with her slowly losing her faith in Mianite and smoke from her gun literally trying to reach out to her.

1000% yes to Mafia boss Tom. I love everything you've written from the general mysteries around him, to his weapons, to his base being in an abandoned church. He's the exact thing that Tucker and Sonja want to take down, but also a very useful ally if he's on your side.

I love the idea of Jordan and his safe haven bar. It works really well for him as being a person who shouldn't be dangerous but really is because of his position which provides him with a lot of information. I also love him closing to bar to go worship Ianite, that's such a good vibe. I also love his weapons, especially as I imagine there's stories of him using them when someone tries to break the no fights in the bar.

For a couple of my own character ideas:

Capsize is basically a black market seller/information broker. Redbeard seems to be her bodyguard, but people who actually know Capsize contest the idea what she would need one. She trades mostly out of a warehouse on the docks, though she'll trade smaller items and information from a backroom of Jordan's bar just for the safety. She has a pretty good relationship with Tom who she'll trade quite a lot with, respects Tucker despite their opposing places in the world, and she'll tolerate Jordan because of the bar, the fact her brother likes him, and the worshipping of the same forgotten goddess. She's very close with Sonja, but hides her job since she doesn't want Sonja to pick between her and her morales. Her weapon is a pistol which feels like it packs more of a punch than it reasonably should. Redbeard has a shotgun which doesn't have much special about it and seems mostly for show.

Furia is a serial killer, looming on the backdrop and creating crime scenes that look like sacrifices to Dianite. He isn't known to the public, most people thinking his crimes are done by Tom. (Look he's more here as a backdrop for my plot idea)

A small idea for a plot:

People are going missing in the city, turning up a couple weeks later killed in murder scenes arranged to look like sacrifices to Dianite. Despite the fear that's spreading, police aren't fully investigating as the believe they're being committed by Tom, an infamous Mafia boss, on his own underlings for betraying him. These murders are being investigated by Tucker aided by Sonja who has been getting him the official reports, however under investigated the cases are.

One evening, about a week after the last murder, they head to Jordan's bar hoping to buy some information. When they get there, Capsize isn't in, though Tom is who quickly goes to annoy them under the freedom of the no fight rule and Jordan carefully watching. This doesn't last very long as Capsize bursts in, jacket ripped and shoulder bleeding, and almost immediately tries to pin Tom against the wall and threaten him. She's dragged to the backroom by Jordan, who's both annoyed and apologetic, but not before she manages to get out that one of 'Tom's Dianite worshipping idiots' jumped her and kidnapped Redbeard. Tom has no idea what she's talking about, but Tucker and Sonja realise the very real possibility that Redbeard has been taken by the serial killer. And five being pulled into a desperate investigation to uncover the serial killer before they claim another victim.

#mianite #anon ask #noir au #tucker iijeriichoii #sonja firefox #tom syndicate #captain capsize #skipper redbeard #guardian furia #long post

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metfell · 1 year

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ok so my input was not asked for but i am jewish and was raised observing and i can't stress enough that the first place you should be looking to reconnect to your heritage is in your local jewish community!!! community is one of if not the most important core value in judaism, and synagogues tend to welcome people like you with VERY open arms, since you are considered just as jewish as anyone else by birth right! see if there are any near you that have open shabbat or holiday services, and try attending one and talking to the rabbi or to other people working there about wanting to learn and connect more. not only is that a much more welcoming and less intimidating place to start than the internet, but they'll also be able to point you towards the best resources to use to learn!!! a lot even offer lessons, depending on how big an organisation they are, and even more have libraries that you can look at! best of luck :D (also i know social anxiety is a big thing so that might sound scary but jewish communities and especially rabbis are generally very friendly, i promise you wont face any judgement or animosity for wanting to learn!)

this is really good advice thank you!! unfortunately im not really in a place right now where im able to go to a synagogue, but hopefully if i can get my drivers license this year ill be able to actually drive to one :D right now though my family is incredibly protective of me and would probably be upset if i did.

but i definitely want to spend this year learning more because ive been dying to for sooooo long

thanks guys for being so helpful i appreciate it a lot <3

#ask #anonymous

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idealspawn · 1 year

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i really wanted to see this one movie that my friend invited me to see but my body dysmorphia fucked everything up again. although im comfortable with her and she literally has been the only friend ive seen for months she also without asking involved one of my other friends into the plan and i found out just now through the other friend although we had the plan that its just the two of us for so long already. its not that i have ANYTHING against that friend, she is one of my closest friends but my body dysmorphia is really triggered around her. this isnt the first time she does this and every single time i just havent showed up when i found out last minute that she added more ppl to our plans that im not comfortable with. i dont blame her because people who dont have body dysmorphia just inherently arent able to understand that it isnt just like a cute little insecurity but i literally have severe anxiety because of it and isolate myself. i just told her that ill dip out and tell my other friend that i forgot to tell im actually busy because i dont want her to think i dont want to hang out w her because the issue isnt her as a person its my fucking body dysmorphia but now im sad because i really really wanted to go see that movie and there wont be any more screenings, its a special film festival. its just sad because she knows i have body dysmorphia and i dont want to see other people but she still fails to think abt it and consider it when we have plans. im sad, i really wanted to see my friend too but i cant go if it isnt just her because im just not comfortable with seeing ppl right now. i barely have even attended any of my lectures just bc i dont want people to see me, like its debilitating. this is the one time i wish i didnt know anyone or have any friends in this city or my class like last year because i just cant deal w the pressure of interacting or going anywhere when i look like this. i told her its ok but its not. im crying and my face and eyes are stinging so bad because of the dryness. her saying i made her feel bad now only guilt tripped me too because i feel like an inconvenience and a burden. i know it sounds small but it isnt because its the only time i wouldve left my house this week so i dont go fully insane. i can only do certain things w certain people and on certain days so that i doesnt trigger my anxiety that much.

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funkymbtifiction · 2 years

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hey again! i saw your ask about so blind and was just wondering a few things:

1. is it sp blind or sp second to feel incompetent when it comes to setting up your life in a way you can really be independent even if you know you should be? let’s say lower level sp things, you’re fine with. keeping the house clean, hygiene, diet and self care you attend to because they’re pleasurable. but when it comes to things like learning skills, finishing a degree, finding a job, budgeting it’s just too hard and you lack the self discipline and either wind up unemployed, broke, lights off, can’t drive, etc OR with your needs covered but totally dependent on someone else to provide that for you? it feels like it could be sp blind because so long as you’re content with the person who’s providing for you, sp doesn’t matter to you. but at the same time the awareness that you should be doing these things so that if your relationship sours you wont be smacked in the face with all of that and suffer feels like sp second - aware of its importance but it’s not a priority right now because you’re happy with your person. is that the difference then? an sp blind would genuinely not know it’s important or care and just figure if the relationship goes bad they’ll find others to help them out? vs sp second knows it’s important but struggles to prioritize and apply themselves?

2. along the same lines, how to tell the second vs the blind instinct in general when 2 instincts both suffer a lot of neglect. like a person who is obsessed with sx to the equal neglect of sp AND so areas of life, or a person who’s obsessed with sp and neglects so AND sx, etc. would the second instinct be similar to the above example where you know you SHOULD do this but lack the discipline to prioritize it over your preferred instinct vs a blind instinct being that you don’t even feel like you need to do it at all and feel you can live without it and rely on the other 2 instincts to get by in life?

3. on the flip side what to make of someone who feels deeply attached to all 3 instincts and kind of “wants it all” where no area feels negotiable or unimportant? not necessarily meaning they’re GOOD at each one but they see an importance to all of them and STRIVE to master them all?

I would need to know more factors to determine sp or sx-blindness in this situation. I could see an so/sp FP type not being able to learn skills, finish a degree, find a job, or budget, because of their weak Te and generally going wherever their feelings take them (all of that is boring!), but if a J type was having trouble with that, I might consider sp-blind. In general, it sounds like weak sp, so it could be sp-blindness. Sp-blindness, from what I understand, is “Why would anyone care about/focus on that?” So/sx users during the pandemic who lived alone had to “learn” to do sp, but it was weird for them to suddenly have to care about things like not getting sick, limiting human contact, taking care of repairs themselves, etc.

I would say so, yes. You’re aware it NEEDs to be done, you just don’t want to do it.

Deep attachment to all the instincts is usually denial that there’s a blind spot. Wanting it all can relate to an Enneagram core (such as 7) who wants to have their cake and eat it too. Which one are you crap at? Be honest. Is it finding a sexual hook that nobody else has, which can attract AND repulse people? Is it prioritizing self-care? Is it being aware of what is appropriate to the situation and what your role in it is? In which area have you drawn the most criticism from those around you? That can often be enlightening. Sp-blinds – “can’t you be an adult and take care of this?” Sx-blinds – “Why are you trying to make a dead relationship work?” Soc-blinds – “Do you KNOW how embarrassing that was? Why are you always so inappropriate?”

#question #subtypes #enneagram

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travosti · 2 years

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help idk how to add a read more on mobile so skip this if this is too long

beside everything my niece has been more stable. im glad to see her OK. i took her to my partners house for the weekend and i noticed it made a little change in her, yet i know this is just temporary. Her new therapist had just contacted me yesterday and she seems very lovely, considering she attends both my partner and friend which gave me the impression that she really is great which i why i was recommended to her by both of them. it makes me worry a little less she’ll be in good hands and i can keep up with my personal life. shes very tough and very brave, yet i wont keep my eye off her. i just hope that she’ll be stable long enough so i can keep working and be able to pay the stuff we both need. me and my partner will probably live together very soon and we want to take her in, but the problem is my sister probably not letting her. either way im still going to try to insist and work hard for the both of us. heres her and my beautiful partner at the museum the other day. my two loves :^)

happy tuesday everyone

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honey-and-diamonds · 2 years

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kinnporsche princess diaries au

okay but please consider an au where everything up to the finale happened BEFORE PORSCHE like the minor family coup and kinn taking over with korn lurking in the shadows. but the minor family needs a new leader. naturally this position should go to the long lost eldest son of the kittisawads. cue korn wearing his best julie andrews disguise and showing up at porsche and chay’s home.

porsche is still doing the same old same old pre-kinn routine of lore

he meets kinn differently though-- kinn comes into hum bar with time and tay and porsche flirts it up (for tips. not because kinn is hot. because he’s not.) kinn humors him and tips well

one day korn shows up at porsche’s door and says “youre the heir to this mafia family” and porsche says “shut up” in his best anne hathaway voice and tries to kick korn out

korn explains (threatens) porsche that people gunning for the minor family power will be trying to eliminate porsche now that gun is six feet under and vegas is no longer able to take up the position (read: korn wont let him)

porsche does not care

korn brings out the big guns: chay will also be in danger

suddenly porsche’s ears are open

korn says that if porsche accepts his new role then chay will be able to go to the best schools and have every opportunity open to him and he will be safe (he is not manipulative. he swears.)

so porsche reluctantly agrees to try out this whole mafia thing.

korn makes sure chay gets a “””scholarship””” to his dream uni, effectively keeping him out of harms way but also his way

porsche comes to the compound and lo and behold, there is kinn

i personally would like to see porsche stomp on kinn’s foot a la princess diaries 2 bc porsche is embarrassed and thinks that kinn knew about this whole mess when he came to the bar. (kinn did. he wanted to see what street rat his father picked up to take over the minor family. he didn’t expect porsche to be so charming.)

porsche is very bad not good at this mafia thing. he half asses all of his training with chan (who i imagine to be the very reluctant joe equivalent in this universe)

until things go really really badly one day. people die because of porsche’s mistakes, and he’s haunted by it. he wants to be better, because the weight of his responsibilities is finally hitting. he swallows his pride and goes to kinn for help.

kinn basically says there’s no use trying because porsche is just a pawn in korn’s game anyway. porsche is the perfect candidate for the head of the minor family because he has no experience and can be easily influenced. korn couldnt control gun, so he got rid of him. korn thinks porsche will be much easier to mold.

oh this makes porsche BIG MAD

like. REALLY REALLY MAD

you know who overheard that whole thing? tankhun

tankhun, who has been underestimated and undervalued for so long, and is SICK AND TIRED of his father’s games, sees porsche and decides thats his blorbo

cue revenge montage where porsche takes a minor family for dummies crash course taught by arm

porsche is supposed to attend his first major meeting with the heads of all the clans and tankhun decides that this is the time for a paulo-style makeover

”tankhun is exhausted. because he takes this--” points to a picture of porsche mid sneeze, “--and this--” a picture of porsche asleep and drooling, “and give you THIS”

arm and pol, in unison, “a mafia boss”

pete claps from his spot on tankhun’s sofa

anyways porsche shows up to the meeting and it’s tense but he manages to hold his own, much to the chagrin of kinn

but the problems are only beginning!! because there is discontent among the clans that porsche is literally a civilian with 0 experience, and thinks either 1) kinn should just absorb the minor clan’s businesses into one theerapanyakul conglomerate or 2) bring vegas back somehow

tankhun, as always, has a suggestion: porsche needs to make an “”””alliance”””” with another heir to a clan.

cue that scene in princess diaries 2 where theyre going through eligible bachelors except it’s mafia heirs/heiresses that arm put together in a tidy powerpoint and theyre going through it on tankhun’s sofa eating caramel popcorn

porsche goes on a series of dates/meetings/whatever you want to call them, and accidentally ends up charming the pants off of all of them bc lets face it porsche is adorable and sexy all at once and it’s throws everyone for a loop. he ends up with a harem. because he needs that.

kinn_watching_in_jealous_rage_from_a_corridor.gif

MEANWHILE IN CHAY’S WORLD

he is at uni and having the time of his life, ignorant of the fact that it is now paid for by the mafia

he makes friends with macau because thats what should have happened to begin with

cue kim appearing from the shadows to investigate the brother of the guy taking over the minor family. feels sus to him. and FRIENDS WITH MACAU???? mega sus.

except chay is pure sunshine and is so earnest that kim falls headfirst into love send help.

i mean it he’s really in the TRENCHES

anyways thats all i have so far. obviously kinn and porsche kiss kiss fall in love and realize that they are better TOGETHER and also the usurp korn and his schemes with tankhun’s help and they live happily ever after

#this au has been bouncing around in my head for like. months maybe.#i want to write this eventually when life isn't so... [gestures]#kinnporsche #kinnporsche au #nini brainrot #kinnporsche princess diaries au

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