Every Saturday and Sunday I go to the clinic to do an alcohol test - because being controlled is the only thing that keeps me sober (this plan was my idea, yes, I got praised for this by the staff 🙌🏻). So today when I went there, I asked to have a talk and confessed that I relapsed. I'm proud that I was honest. Even prouder that I stopped the relapse. I didn't continue drinking today - I genuinely didn't want to which is new.

The nurse thanked me for my honesty and offered that next time I can come over before I relapse and stay the night. Not sure if I'll manage to do that but I can try and it's good to have this option.

quick note - this blog is gonna be sparse again for at least this week. trying new medications and tbh initial side effects are not super pleasant + actual effects build up. as a result: currently as if unmedicated for mental health, with anxiety+ side effect, extra fatigue, dizziness, and fatigue. it's uh, sure something.

totally recognize that most of y'all know we're absent at times due to health things, just wanted to give a heads up that this one is at least anticipated.

to the chicken smoothie mod that checked the flight rising link in my signature, read through my flight rising bio, saw the name of this blog typed out in Plain Text (!), went out of their way to manually look up my blog with their own two hands, checked my posts for inappropriate content (swearing and also "other content" which I can only assume means they also decided to check the carrd link I have exclusively on my tumblr and saw that I have a dni), and then gave my account a warning about Linking Inappropriate Content:

you couldn't even fucking follow me after going through all that effort?

replaying dark souls 3 and double-checking the wiki to see if Karla has a questline. Very normal Karla reactions happening in the comment section here.

like you know what... I Get It

i knew that using tumblr on my phone in bed before trying to sleep would make the hamster in my brain run bonkers wild and I DID IT ANYWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! why did i do that

one thing that i decidedly do not dislike abt hey melissa is that paul is a goddamn sweetheart in the first act. man was dead-set on making sure melissa was alright after the confrontation with freddie at ccrp. and yes, that turned out to be super misguided and it didn't work out super well for him in the end, but y'know. it's the thought that counts. we haven't gotten a whole lot of paul "loves his friends" matthews outside of tgwdlm, so if there's one writing decision in hey melissa that i respect, it's that.

Hi. Recently I've been under the weather. Maybe it's the 'terrible flu' that has been going around. I don't know. These past few days has been rough I guess. As usual. That about sums up most of my days.

It has been well over a month since I've posted an introduction to my if and that right there doesn't really sit well with me. I've been hanging onto 1/3 of chapter one because I didn't feel like it had reached the stage of publication. But I don't know. 🙄 I'm honestly stressed. I wanted to write an introduction to the pc mundane life before death, but my stupid self won't allow me to do that much.

I am unsatisfied and satisfied with the beginning of chapter one. A few more choices will be added further on down in the furture when I start adjusting or rewriting the beginning. But I think I am ready. I'll first reread what I've written, to straighten out a few grammar errors. I'll do a test run tomorrow morning. If my lazy ass mind can actually produce a few words I'll see if I can add a few more choices.

For this little chapter update that I have planned. What you can expect is....

PC Death

Get an SOS message from your best friend or not

Get attacked by a monster/ meet a stranger in the dark

Get scheme against by the man you entrusted your druggie mother to.

Customize your characters facial features. (🤭 just the eyes. Just the eyes. You'll be able to do the rest of your characters customization after you've 'transmigrated'.)

For such a short update. I made sure that it has alot of playable options. (Not that much).

Anyways fingers crossed. I hope to be able to go live with this demo tomorrow or Wednesday!

Anyways I hope you all have a wonderful/blessed day.

18, 43, and 78 for the Fanfiction Writer Asks?

Oh my god Jpeg!!! Hi!!!! Thank you for the ask 💖💖💖 Sorry in advance for turning this into an essay but hopefully you enjoy it and thank you!!!!

18 - Do you enjoy research? Which fic of yours required the most research?

Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't, honestly. It tends to feel like homework sometimes, but I'm a huge reader and I love reading comics. It's just hard for me to find time between working full time and the D&D campaign I'm writing/DMing and the academic article I'm writing and being in a relationship and figuring out grad school/future stuff. Basically, I'm a really busy person but I just want to read and write fic all day 😭

As for which required the most research that I've already started posting, I'd have to say Know Yourself. I had to read Battle for the Cowl, and I still have to read Final Crisis (is that a spoiler? 👀). I basically did no research for Rooftops & Bookshops (I feel like it shows) but I did read quite a few summaries.

But the fic with the most research I will have to do is definitely the fic I'm going to talk about in the next question, for which I'll have to read Red Robin, Under the Red Hood and some of Tim's Robin run. Probably more, but it'll be worth it.

43 - Is there a trope or idea that you'd really like to write but haven't yet?

YES. So many. I want to write one bed and also time travel and also identity reveal (thank you jaytimweek for forcing me to do it providing me with the opportunity). I actually have two ideas for identity reveal, one of which will hopefully be up for jaytimweek. The other identity reveal is definitely going to be my next long fic. I already know it'll be near 100k words and I PROMISED myself I wouldn't start working on it until Know Yourself is fully posted except for the epilogue (so a few months 😭). The identity reveal longfic is also going to be a soulmates fic 😈 and I think it might technically not be a love square but also it sort of will be? OKAY IF I SAY ANYTHING ELSE ABOUT IT IM GONNA SPOIL SOMETHING NEXT QUESTION

78 - What motivates you during the writing process?

Honestly, I feel sort of shitty being like "people's reactions," because I shouldn't base my worth as a writer on how many kudos/comments I get, etc., etc., and no one reading this should feel any pressure to comment if they don't want to, but when I get to see how someone reacted to my work??? OH that's the stuff.

I tend to be my own worst critic with everything, but especially my own writing, so every time I see a new comment, I have the urge to run to my computer and write. I basically get high off comments, especially when it's from authors I love to read!!! (@ you jpeg. Detective Timothy Drake and the Mysterious Case of the Unclaimed Dildo lives in my head rent free. That fic is a masterpiece.) There's just something about knowing that a writer I love enjoys my work. It really makes me feel confident in my writing, which makes me want to write more.

Also serial commenters!! I'm looking forward to what you think of every new chapter. Also people who just comment ahsjslakhdslkab or second kudos or a heart emoji. And people who post those really long comments theorizing or asking questions or copy/pasting quotes with their reactions??? My favorite. Satisfies the desire I have to watch everyone read my work so I can see them react to it.

Basically, knowing that people are enjoying what I write and want to read more is honestly the biggest motivator for me, which is why I tend to post chaptered stuff. I need the push to keep going, or else my piece would rot in my drafts (like some of my unposted works that I'll resuscitate one day)

Also if anyone reading this has ever commented on one of my fics, just know I think we're besties now. Come say hi. Even if you haven't commented and just want to motivate me to write more! Come say hi!

OOC UPDATES

I updated my rules page again, but in case you don’t feel like actually re-reading them because they are four pages long, here are the changes I made:

Under ‘Reasons I May Unfollow / Block: ‘If I notice you interact with two people I’m personally uncomfortable with, I may potentially unfollow or softblock as my reaction to seeing them on my dash is really that bad, but I won’t be mentioning who they are and what they have done unless you privately message me about it, because I don’t want to draw negative attention towards them.’

Added an amendment to the rule of pre-established interactions, where if the first meeting scenario has an interesting enough premise, I might make an exception when it comes to my rule on non pre-estabished interactions, but due to me preferring continuity, relationships wise, I may later drop the first meeting thread and start another thread with you that would take place after the events of the first meeting thread, if only because I don’t want to continue being stuck in the ‘two strangers who just met for the first time’ phase. Seriously, it’s just not my favourite thing to write!

Reworded a paragraph to now say: ‘Please keep in mind that Gin, Kobato, Sasara, Ryuto, and Akira are Japanese characters in a Japanese setting, which means I will be writing them as such; therefore, they will address other muses using honorifics (or by last name in Akira’s case) and will not be able to converse in English, aside from maybe Ryuto. Due to this being the case, I will naturally default any interactions with Akira to occur in Japan and default any interactions with my Caligula muses to occur either in Redo or modern day Japan unless I’m writing Ryuto.

Clarified that while I myself will exclusively ship with one canon character at a time to make myself feel more comfortable, you aren’t obligated to exclusively ship with my interpretation of a muse as well. I also mentioned the only Sonia Nevermind I will exclusively ship my Akira with is @more-than-a-princess and the only Yuzuriha Kotoko I will exclusively ship my Kobato with is @agnina​.

HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT I HAVE DRAMAAAAAAAA

So, you know how I JUST FUCKING BARELY signed a lease at a new apartment? Today I walked into the kitchen to (nicely) ask my landlord to get her shit out of the washer so I could do laundry (her sheets have been in there for 3 days), and I saw THIS SHIT on the counter

The note reads:

Everyone -- IMPORTANT

I have severe damage in roof. May be needing to have house temp severely lowered this winter. Don't know if could be mold.

Contractors are months (year) out although am working with a no-longer-contractor and have talked to one of the best known roofing contractors in [town].

[Below paragraph is underlined]

I am closing the house down and will be sending lease termination notices. Obviously you could leave earlier.

Dec. 20 will be last day.

[Scribbled out] Ridge vent has been leaking maybe since installed 10+ years ago.

HOLY SHIT. I GOT OUT JUST IN TIME.

Idk if y'all remember the fucking FIGHTING about fixing the leaking roof with my last landlord, but this time the leak is so bad we're all getting kicked out altogether.

I am SO FUCKING GLAD I already found a place. Fucking hell.

Back to that English commas thing, I read I can be sure to use commas wherever possible in order to prevent confusion and misreading and it made me laugh because it reminded me of one dialogue between one of my classmates and my Russian language teacher.

"Mrs. Teacher, why do we add comma here? It doesn't work according to the rule."

"Oh, I was wondering, too, and asked the person who makes the exam tests. She said that the sentence structure itself implies that there's supposed to be a comma."

We all blink like idiots.

"Yeah, that was my reaction, too."

okay so I'm pretty sure at this point the people responsible for the manipulation are the blue people, and they have some kind of connection with the guy who looks like Sissel, who I have Some Suspicions about

Some Superior Jun Looks for his Birthday 🥺

Meh.

personal vent in the tags

HELL BENT — RYOMEN SUKUNA

✧･ﾟ The Incubus King finally claims his intended.  

( TW ) f!reader, incubus king!Sukuna, major size difference (Sukuna’s 8ft tall!), harem, group sex, fingering, cunnilingus, biting, rough sex, bleeding, forked tongues, cervix fucking, mating bonds, reader goes in some type of ‘heat’, explicit content. 

word count - > 1.5k

author's note: PLS don’t take this seriously Idek what this is!! unedited + I'm trying a new writing style

Can’t stop thinking about Incubus king!Sukuna who finally finds his intended after centuries of looking. Who finds her in a place he never thought to check, the human realm. Who he kidnaps and brings down to his realm, telling you how you are to be his queen and rule his subjects alongside him. You have a mental breakdown your first week. The change of scenery, coming to terms that this is real, the differences between you and Sukuna’s species he calls Incubus. You’ve heard of them before, but you didn't think they were real—who did? They’re eight feet tall, winged creatures who liked to fuck 24/7. Half of them roam around naked and you can’t turn a hallway without catching two or more in sexual activities. So, hearing that you're some type of ‘mate’ to the king of the creatures? You think you’re dreaming. Sukuna brings you food every day and talks about how the mating bond has been activated now. How the several next week's you’re going to be restless until he ruts and claims you. 

You scream and cry how this is his fault. He leans over the buffet of food and smacks your thigh with a grumble. You refuse to speak to him for the rest of the night even when he undresses and washes you. Making crude comments like how he can’t wait to breed your human body full of his offsprings. Sukana who doesn’t have the time for your refusal to talk to him for he has a kingdom to run, so he drops you off to a group of naked, pierced women who he calls his harem. He gently pushes you into one of the tall women before telling her to take care of you or else.  

You can’t find it in your to be jealous of the women for being his ‘harem.’ You don’t even like Sukuna right now and the women, they’re so kind and mature that you would much rather spend your days lazing around with them than sitting on Sukuna’s lap while he laughs at his people who come to him with misfortunes.  His harem teaches you all about their lands, how sex isn’t taboo instead something they need just like oxygen is to humans. How when they fuck, they release some type of energy that’s built up in their body that causes their kind to go insane and terrorize the human realm.  

Sukuna’s harem who are utterly obsessed with how small you are compared to them. They used to spend their days lying around on rich cushions and blankets waiting for Sukuna but even they got bored of him—if it were up to them, they’d lock him in their room and never let him out. His harem who was supposed to be teaching you more about their king but instead chose to spend their days lazily eating you out with their long-forked tongues and fucking you dumb with their big fingers. They make you suckle their breasts and grind on their faces. They’re so gentle after, hissing at each other when one speaks too loudly after you had fallen asleep, washing your body clean, wrapping you in the softest blankets to carry you back over to your room with Sukuna. Some days they happen to catch Sukuna in his room, and they smirk and giggle when they see his jealous face. They take it as the highest compliment their queen has decided to lie with them before the king.  

Incubus king!Sukuna who feels the mating bond grow stronger with every second you're in his castle. He feels himself shifting. He unable to stay away for long periods of time. He forces you to bathe with him before making you sit on his throne with him while he talks to irrelevant people, his hard cock jumping every time you move. You want to get away, moaning and grumbling how his you want to go play with his harem, it’s uncomfortable sitting on muscular thighs for hours while listening to him talk in several languages you don’t understand to people you don’t know. Sukuna who hisses and grumbles at you before going back to his subjects who kneel at the bottom of his obsidian throne.  

 Throughout the week you can’t help but get hornier and hornier until your unable to walk without liquids dripping down your thighs and wetting your skirts. Despite Sukuna's harem playing with you can’t help but plead and cry for him. You barely know the man but your body aches for him, for his cock, his bond. Sukuna who finally comes to see you one day. Who picks you up to set you up top of the cushions so you can watch him fuck his harem. He does everything he could think to the women, he wants to see what makes you twitch and ache and cry. By the time he’s done—hours later—you’re in a puddle of slick panting and crying how you want him. He doesn’t take you though, he can smell that you aren’t ready for him just yet, and he can’t risk injuring his mate who he’s searched for centuries. He won’t allow himself to bring you any harm, so he just holds you in his lap and makes his harem play with you until you pass out. 

Sukuna whose balls deep in one of his women when he sniffs that air and smells the scent change in you. The women he’s fucking laughs when he yanks himself out of her and goes to you. He picks you up from the drenched cushion you're sitting on. You wrap your arms around his neck and sob and the feeling of his body. You try to wrap your legs around his huge frame but you’re too tired, so they just hang as he walks you back to your room, your thighs rubbing against his cock. Sukuna lays you down on the huge bed before ripping your silky dress and ding his head in between your legs. He brings you to several orgasm, but his mouth and forked tongue isn't what you want. You want his cock. You want him to fuck you pregnant while he bites you and claims you as his. You scream and kick and pull and at the pair of horns on top his head, but he just shushes you before going back to eating you out.  

Sukuna finally deems you ready to take his cock but before he kisses and drags his teeth all over your body. He suckles at your breast, commenting on how you’ll be feeding him with said breasts soon. You cry out when he finally turns you ass up. You don’t even think about how much bigger he is than you, how his cock might not fit inside. Sukuna pushes your head into the blankets, grabbing the base of his cock and rubbing it over your pussy. You scream at him, but he ignores you enjoying the sight of your pussy against his too big cock. When he finally pushes into you scream into the pillow. You scream for more, for him to slow down, for him to breed you, for him to fuck you harder, for him to stop and let you catch a break. He’s too out of it to listen. He never knew what it would feel like to claim a mate but this? If he had any doubt the little human underneath his wasn’t his, he didn’t now. He finally felt whole. He felt your essence flowing into him, making him stronger, more aware, if he concentrated hard enough, he could feel your emotions and hear your thoughts. He fucked your impossibly harder. 

Sukuna leans down and whispers for you to open, and let him in. You don’t understand what he's talking about until his cock shoots some warm liquids and you feel your cervix open. It hurts so good when he pushes deeper into you. You orgasm again before he releases his seed into you. The tension leaves your body at the feeling of his seed rushing to your womb. You’re about to succumb to the sleepiness before Sukuna jolts you awake saying this is just the beginning.