#i like this interaction a lot but the fandom makes me feel icky. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mazzystar24 · 13 days

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Asking this under anon bc i don’t wanna get any backlash in my inbox lmao

but to start this off: i love oliver stark, and i am so appreciative of how important he views this storyline and the representation it provides

however

i am going to be very disappointed in him if we get through the next few episodes, and it becomes clear that they aren’t going to further develop buddie anymore. he has always been so careful and cautious when it comes to implying things in interviews/press stuff, but lately with this resurgence in his response to fandom interest with buddie (liking fanart, reposting it, talking openly about buddie in interviews, confirming things like buck thinking eddie was attractive, etc.) if they don’t go that route, it will honestly severely hurt me.

i have very mixed feelings about what is and isn’t “queerbaiting” (most of my friends would say i tend to not believe that it’s a thing, and to an extent i agree) but there are certain situations in which something does blatantly feel like baiting… to me this is one of those situations.

with both lou and edy still being around, as well as ryan’s sudden stint in pr jail, the fandom’s obsession w lou/tommy, and tim minear’s seeming interest in complying with fan-service… it’s hard to remain optimistic that they will actually give us buddie. the past two weeks have given me whiplash as a buddie fan and i am getting tired of the show using our desperation and love for this ship as a marketing tactic when they have no intention of going there (tim minear himself saying things like “i don’t like to plan endgame relationships” or “there are no plans for buddie at the moment”).

that is why the media’s sudden obsession with asking about buddie, as well as oliver’s willingness to interact with buddie content online combined with the constant flow from the set of things not going in the direction of buddie… it feels very intentional to drag us in. and if oliver is participating in that, then i am going to be very disappointed and hurt by that. he used to care so much about not getting our hopes up, but lately it feels like that isn’t the case anymore, and that getting our hopes up is their way if getting us to continue watching the show because they know that people will stop watching after having to watch years of buildup and (at times admittedly) roment subtext between them just for all of that to be completely retconned and them to say “no-homo, bro” in favor of a character/ship that came out of nowhere and has had no development.

obviously, i don’t blame os for the storyline- he’s not a writer, he doesn’t get to dictate what does or doesn’t happen. But he is the one getting all of the media attention, and using that to shine a spotlight on buddie when (if) he knows that buddie isn’t happening? it feels very icky to me and i really don’t want to have a reason to dislike him.

unfortunately it’s seeming more and more like a possibility each day as we get inundated with bts info that doesn’t bode well for us at all.

I’m afraid I’ll have to disagree with you anon sorry😭🫶

If buddie doesn’t go canon/ they don’t show they’re heading in that direction in the next few episodes, I still would not blame Oliver at ALL for his recent more openness about buddie

(Idk how familiar you are with me and if you are you’ll know this but if you’re not lemme clarify I use bulletpoints a lot but not to be curt or rude I just like breaking things into chunks🫡)

1. He has made sure to constantly clarify that he doesn’t know how things are gonna go and he has no control over things- i mean EVERY time he spoke about buddie

2. He’s also a fan of the show guys, yes yes he’s an actor and it has different implications I agree 100% but also if he’s choosing to ship his character or enjoy fan work that’s his prerogative and sure he can lurk privately like he has in the past but also he probably knows that implications aside fans who make that work will be ecstatic to see him actually liking the stuff

3. The man legit said he deleted social media at one point cos he didn’t wanna like or share stuff that’d accidentally give people false hope for buddie or bi Buck but he has silently agreed for years and he hated not being able to confirm bi buck till now

4. He’s been a HUGE advocate for us both on the buddie front and bi buck front and that deserves recognition

5. As you said there is a LOT of bucktommy love rn which is great and all but may draw focus away from buddie, if Oliver is intentionally trying to get buddie fans to keep going it could genuinely just to show that buddie fans are still aiming for buddie endgame and that they still make up a huge portion of the fandom

6. Writing is CONSTANTLY in progress on 911 so again buddie fans being more vocal and abc and writers seeing such positive responses to him so much as interacting with buddie posts or answering buddie questions give them a gauge of audience’s wants (granted Tim has stated it’s not a HUGE factor for him) and also keep in mind s8 is still in the books so even proposals of storylines may be in the talks rn

7. When he talks he is VERY careful about his words and is very well spoken on the topic like yes there have been more stuff we can read into and be optimistic about but you can tell that he in no way is saying specific things to bait people, when talking about existing buddie things he talks about HIS interpretation and uses lots of maybes and might’ve beens and I see how that could be and when he talks about future buddie he talks about being open to it talks about what he’d want from it and he talks about not having control or knowledge of it happening

So yeah he has done/said things that I absolutely think warrant optimism (I made a whole post about it) but if it doesn’t pan out that optimism should a- still be there b- not turn into blame for him

Okay now Oliver aside- the questions being asked about buddie and all the buddie promotions I would be side eyeing the higher ups for if it’s for nothing because yes all the articles and stuff are stuff being pre-approved by abc and the people higher up than cast members or the journalists but I would also keep in mind that s8 is still in the works so hope is not lost even if s7 isn’t what we hoped for because keep in mind we had only 10 eps to work with too

#911 #buddie #evan buckley #thanks anon!#911 abc #eddie diaz #911 fox #evan buck buckley #911onfox #buckley diaz family #asks open #send asks #send me asks #answered asks #asks

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bluedalahorse · 2 months

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Two decisions I really liked about YRS3 (but not the only decisions)

Also posted on my dreamwidth. Left unrebloggable for the sake of setting boundaries. Comments and thoughts welcome though!

Today I want to talk about two decisions made by Lisa and the other Young Royals Season 3 writers that I really liked. This is an analysis post, to some extent. In line with my new priorities, I also want to talk about how these decisions could work on a craft level to fuel my creativity, and—more fannishly—where they might leave me with inspiration in my fanfiction. Because everything from here on out is spoilers, and because it is long, I am going to cut it.

The writing decisions I want to focus on today are a) starting the season with a private settlement to resolve issues around the video/the gun/the drugs, and b) digging deeper into the ambiguity of Erik. As a heads up, both of these decisions felt particularly catered toward my reading of the show and what I wanted from it to begin with. But I figured, why not start with what one loves about a thing? So we will begin there, and perhaps, if I let myself rewatch episodes during the break, we will move on to other things, too.

The private settlement

This was something @heliza24 speculated might happen in the months leading up to season 3’s release. In fandom, there was a lot of discussion around whether the legal system would be able to deliver consequences to August re: the video or not, and whether Wille or Simon could be prosecuted for the field scene and the drugs and such. For me, one of the most informative posts on the matter was sflow-er’s post about how each boys’ actions would be labeled and classified, and what the penalties might be. I don’t know the Swedish legal system too well, so it was quite informative.

In my opinion, kicking off season 3 with the arbitration/settlement outside of court, and refusing to provide catharsis through the legal system itself, was the best decision the writers could have made. I also love that it was all wrapped up in an episode. We know that rich Hillerska families often settle things discreetly behind closed doors, and the legal system tacitly allows this to happen, so this felt in line with the series worldbuilding and the real world interactions it is grounded in. I also feel that Young Royals works best when it’s at least partially anchored in Hillerska, and secondarily anchored in the family interactions characters have at home. So taking things into the courtroom for too long wouldn’t feel quite right, even if season 3 does, to some extent, open up the world more for our characters.

What also struck me was the way the adults behaved in this scene, and how a lot of it felt… not so great? You can tell that the adults all care for their respective boys (however imperfectly they express it before, during, and after the settlement.) But the way they all swoop in and try to flatten the last two seasons of conflict into who owes what to whom is sort of fascinating, and feels parallel to the housemother trying to mediate between Sara and Felice at the end of 2.6. You realize how little they know of the nuances of what happened, and how quick they are to take away the agency of their boys when they think it protects them. I really want to hit this point hard—the boys all have their agency taken away in that moment, and I use the word “boys” deliberately because it is adults who are putting them in that position. You can see some of that persist in the aftermath of the settlement; FFS Linda is making Simon pee into a cup every day.

(Not to mention the hint of personal investment each set of parents has in the case. Rickard can’t resist doing lawyerly flexes, and Linda’s constant references to Swedish values show that she’s worried she immigrated in vain. I’m sure there’s a blank we could fill in with Ludwig and Kristina, but I’m operating on memory here and I don’t remember their lines precisely.)

As icky as the settlement scenes feel, and as much tension as they create, they are also necessary for marking the importance of past conflicts while propelling the narrative forward. It does matter that August released the video—it matters enough that he had to sell his estate to compensate Simon, and it’s absolutely appropriate that he should have. And it does matter that Wille waved a gun around and Simon brought drugs to school and sold them.

At the same time, what the show is saying here is, legal consequences and lawyers (especially Rickard) can’t solve all the show’s problems. No amount of money from August is ever going to fix Simon’s mental health by itself. August being locked away forever wouldn’t have magically taken away the fault lines in Wilhelm and Simon’s relationship, which we see over the course of the season have as much to do with Wilhelm’s relationship to the monarchy as everything else. And in some alternate universe where Simon and Wille get in trouble for the drugs and the gun but August faces zero punishments at all, he wouldn’t exactly be magically cured of all his trauma and live a pretty life from then on.

Ultimately season 3 seems to be saying not that the legal system is 100% ineffective, but that it has its limits in how much healing or catharsis it can bring to people. Especially because of the way settlements and trials focus on incidents in isolation, and limit the agency of the people they are supposed to defend. I actually don’t think season 3 is telling us to let go of the legal system entirely. But what it is doing is asking us to understand offenses beyond the strict binaries of crime and punishment, and how they fit into broader contexts of societal prejudice. And finally, it is telling us to look to vulnerable human-to-human connections as another space for healing. Which is where all the juicy, interesting, complicated stuff is. I’m glad that S3 chose to follow those threads instead of just sticking us in a courtroom for five episodes.

A note before I continue: I know I’ve talked to a few friends who were disappointed we didn’t see August sell Årnäs, when we know it’s important to him. I haven’t decided how I feel about that yet. I have decided that this is one of the things I’d love to ask Lisa about in more depth, to see why one of her writing decisions was to leave that out. I suspect August has already started to pull away from Årnäs a bit in season 2 already, given that he’s willing to sell art to buy Rousseau for Sara, but I don’t know if he’s consciously there yet, and I think fans might be looking to see him grapple with that. In retrospect, it also seems like August’s arc over 3 seasons is him trying to figure out who his family is. The material reality of Årnäs and how much he wants to keep it is sort of an externalization of that, but also his way of deflecting from talking seriously about his grief for his father. So, I see why this is a tab left open in people’s brains. Maybe I’ll be able to close it on rewatch. But Simon’s also supposed to be getting that money, and that tab is left open in my brain, too. I hope Lisa reads this and has an answer for me.

Anyway. Onward to those human-to-human connections.

Erik’s ambiguity and his role in the initiations

I never fully trusted Erik. I say this not to “gloat about being right” but mostly to establish what my baseline reading of the character was in season 1. I do think he was very loving of Wilhelm and meant a lot to him, but I didn’t trust him to be a full-on LGBTQIA+ ally, and I didn’t trust him not to have gotten up to abusive fratboy shit in the past. Part of the reason I gravitated toward this reading of the character is that I found it way more interesting than Erik being perfect. In my personal experience, family members are never exactly who you need them to be, and part of the struggle of growing up is knowing when you can lean on someone (or their memory) for support and when you need to protect yourself. Fiction that deals with these themes is endlessly fascinating to me. It’s the kind of fiction I try to write, that I’d want to someday publish. So naturally Ambiguous Erik is my preferred Erik.

As someone who’s always sort of approached Erik’s memory with a less-than-trusting reading of his character, the minute the homophobic initiations came up, I knew that Erik’s role was going to be a key point of revelation. So much of season 3’s momentum was tied up in Wilhelm finding out and processing that, and August being able to put into words how Erik and the other third year boys’ actions traumatized him. The knowledge that August, Nils, and Vincent chose to remove the most homophobic practices when they initiated first years adds a twist of the tragic knife. We have three boys who are trying (however imperfectly) to break the cycle, and yet none of them got the support they needed in processing what happens to them. August even ends up releasing the video and perpetuating the cycle of abuse. But it’s hard not to look at that now and not see an element of untreated trauma driving his actions.

I suspect for some fans of the show, that revelation about August (and Nils, and Vincent) essentially being a sexual assault victim is a pretty uncomfortable one, because it can feel like an excuse for his actions. But I don’t think the show is excusing August’s actions so much as explaining them, and even more importantly, the show instead seems to be focused on just how challenging breaking the cycle can be, and just how much time and effort is required. Moreover, understanding August’s vulnerability is crucial for Wilhelm’s character arc.

In my restorative justice meta a while back, I talked about the dangers of the Hillerska students being able to villainize someone like August, because they could so easily deflect from their own actions by imagining him as an individual monster and ignoring the parts of the system that enabled his worst deeds. When I wrote this, I was primarily thinking of characters like Nils and Vincent. I did not expect it to be Wilhelm buying into the myth of August the Monster while disavowing his own flaws. And yet, in season 3, we could see Wilhelm’s black-and-white villainizing of August as something that got in the way of his empathy and better judgment, primarily toward Simon. Like. Wilhelm is, to put it lightly, a pretty crappy boyfriend to Simon at the beginning of the season! (If this post also included a third thing I loved, it was that a lot of the wilmon boyfriends stuff early on in the season was always just a little too yikes to be fully cute.)

And yes, you can look at the part where Wilhelm’s making Simon delete stuff off social media, and eventually delete all his social media entirely, and talk about how Wille is responding to the pressure of the palace, and his mother’s mental health struggles and so on. But IMO it’s similar to the way August lets himself get caught up in the pressures of his social role at Hillerska to try and escape his grief and trauma. Both boys fear and disgust the ways they’ve been made vulnerable (something they react to when they see their vulnerability reflected in one another) and try to play their social role within the system they are most familiar, to gain back a sense of strength and agency. Ultimately, however, they become the weapons of that system, and hurt those they love and care about. It was pretty smart of the show to recognize that Wilhelm reconciling with August and Simon reconciling with August are actually two different flavors of Thing, and the reason a Wilhelm-August reconciliation is different is because of the amount of social power that they hold in the system.

No character symbolizes the reasons for August and Wilhelm’s struggle with the system more than Erik. This is not to say that Erik Is Evil—he’s not! We also know that August and Wilhelm love him, and that he has helped them and cared for them—merely that he strands for what they’re both grappling with. Both boys have to recognize Erik beyond the idealized version of him in order to heal and move forward and actually break the cycle. And they have to recognize Erik’s place in those cycles too. In the last scene we see of Erik, he’s day drinking, and we know he visited Boris for therapy. Could he have struggled with guilt over what he did in the initiation? It’s possible. In a way, the biggest tragedy of Erik’s death is that he doesn’t get a chance to break the cycles alongside Wilhelm and August. But maybe his soul can rest easier knowing they are a little closer to being brothers than they were before.

Where this leads me as a writer, especially of fanfics

I likely started with these two aspects of season three because they already line up so much with what interests me in storytelling. When I think about the kind of writer I want to be, I want to write the complex entangled family history stuff that’s hard to sort through, and I want to write it well. Young Royals gives me another solid mentor text in that regard, alongside books like Patron Saints of Nothing and A Sitting in St. James.

On the fanfic side of things… well. I’m glad the legal stuff is taken care of already! I honestly didn’t want to have to be dealing with the courtroom all that much in my fanfics. Maybe someone else will want that, and I think the option is still there. Someone could do some really cool fics with a character choosing to study law in the future, or similar. But I’m glad to have that off my plate for the time being.

As for what these parts of the season have made me more interested in than before, I’m really captivated by the idea of Wilhelm and August becoming brothers to one another, even if—especially if—it’s a fun multi-year slowburn with lots of heart-wrenching emotions. What would their relationship look like? How would they navigate around Wilhelm’s break with his mother and August’s newly forged relationship to one another? What kind of time would August and Wilhelm choose to spend with one another to work on their relationship, and what do the boundaries look like? Could August one day leave the monarchy too, and would Wilhelm support him in that? (I hope so.) For some fans, I think they’re just content to leave Wilhelm and August’s reconciliation as that conversation at the party, and I think that’s valid. But I do know that in whatever I write going forward, I’m interested in seeing how their relationship can develop and change over time. And that feels hopeful in a way I like.

So maybe… just maybe… some of the things I’m going to write will involve Wille and August developing a better relationship. And I think I’m ok with that.

#yr s3 spoilers #yr spoilers #yr season 3

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kels-orange-joe · 4 months

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introduction ^_^ (regularly updates)

haii my name is stitch (not my real name obviously)

and yes as in the chaotic blue creature from lilo & stitch but that’s besides the point

this is my side blog!! an omori (mainly kel) themed one at that. my main blog is @stitchthelilo, and this is specifically for stimboards/sensory boards (well some other stuff too but that’s like the main thing) whatever you wanna call em, it’s also a kel fanblog cuz he is THE BEST OMORI CHARACTER!!! I WILL STAND BY THAT TIL THE DAY I DIE BECAUSE ITS TRUE

nonetheless.. i do take requests! and my status will update when they are open and stuff like that idk

i tend to use emoticons a lot and i’m a lil bit cringe so just a warning

my first time doing this so criticism is accepted with wide arms :)

the stuff you can request is what i have put in the tags section :3 (will further elaborate in rules/boundaries section)

ohh and even if you wanna request something really specific (like combining #sunny’s sketchbook and #character portraits for example) you can still request it as long as it’s something that is a combination of tags that i put

also if you want to request a prompt pls specify if you want it to be dialogue or scenarios

TAGS

#waves of orange joe = stimboards/sensory boards

#sunny’s sketchbook = art

#character portraits = pfps

#mari’s picnic blanket = flags

#headspace shenanigans = fanfics

#basils’s photo album = headcanons

#white space vibes = mood boards

#space boyfriend’s tape = playlists

#sunny’s inner mind = prompts

#the headspace alter egos = names/pronouns

RULES/BOUNDARIES

sfw interactions only!

any fandoms are accepted! some i just know more about better than others which i will get into in a bit, so please do understand.. as that is why the accuracy for some stimboards is off

i have the right to deny your request, ESPECIALLY if it’s something very icky

proshippers/comshippers, dubcon/noncon, nsfw blogs, ddlg blogs, anti-lgbtqia+, anti-religion (muslimphobic, islamophobic, etc. etc), anti-xenogender/neopronouns, anti-otherkin/therian/whateva idrk, racist, zionists, and just anyone who supports anything gross GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM THIS BLOG DNI

please do understand i have a life and you will have to be patient, your requests will be done eventually just wait

just have common sense, if you KNOW something is bad but are still here then go away oml

feel free to just talk to me in the asks! anon or not, i’m willing to just talk, as it isn’t just for requests. you can vent or rant there too if you want, i’ll listen! you are loved remember that <3

any ships are fine as long as they aren’t illegal or anything, a personal favourite of mine is suntan :3

you may request: fluff, angst, hurt/comfort, whump, slow burn, nsfw (just not smut, i’d rather not do that on a blog like this.. implied smut is ok though! and gore and heavy topics are fine too), panic attacks, all types of horror, comedy, drama, pining, mutual pining, all kinds of relationships (as long as the toxic ones are not romanticised), and basically just anything that isn’t in the you may not request part

you may not request: smut, proship/comship, dubcon/noncon, romanticisation of gross things (but if it isn’t meant to be romanticised then you can request), just anything gross really

THINGS I WILL MAKE

ocs as long as you provide pics and/or info, info is optional though ofc! but if you don’t provide it i am just gonna go off of aesthetic

total drama

danganronpa

omori

undertale/deltarune but moreso undertale

pokemon

sonic

mario

cookie run

the amazing digital circus

murder drones

smg4

bfdi/bfb/tpot

hfjone

any object show really lmao

mlp

adventure time. however……. i may not be that accurate when it comes to later seasons or fionna and cake, cuz i never actually finished it or watched the spin-off, lmao sorry

gravity falls! same as adventure time though, haven’t yet finished it (but ik bill cipher and allat)

vocaloid

warriors/warrior cats (i haven’t read the books though, might not be accurate sorry)

scp foundation

bbc ghosts

she-ra: and the princesses of power

memes

garfield

the sims

among us (as cringe as that may sound, it’s a good game)

my singing monsters

the battle cats

dnd

agere/petre/agedre/petdre

otherkin/therian

furry

starters movieunleashers

hazbin hotel/helluva boss (i do NOT support vivziepop or her team, i separate content from creator because the episodes can really be good, even if they miss most of the time.. and i love the concept of both shows. I PIRATE IT Y’ALL DW I AM NOT GIVING PRIME VIDEO NOR VIVZIEPOP MY MONEY 😭)

doctor who

good omens

and much more! but i can’t be bothered adding them.. if any more of my interests are in an ask i’ll just tell y’all and edit this

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euphoricfilter · 10 months

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i’m literally so happy/proud/turned on??!,!,

even though i’ve never read them and never will; yandere jungkook fanfic writers won and musta seen the future cause that mv had me feeling feelings ok !!! the fact that the whole “fun sexy summer” song was so dark? and obsessive and lovesick? him following homegirl all around town like a lovesick puppy who just wanted to show her love ??? pls jungkook. that was perfection. sexy. hot. fun. subversive. just so jungkook ugh. seeing him all grown up and debuting and having a female lead in his mv and serenading about love in his sexy goth emo main pop boy way is just.. his duality is insane and let me be like those delusional y/n fans right quick jshdjdh but the way he treats army. the knuckle tattoos, the “i need y’all to sleep”, the constant domestic live, the constant adoration and affection; you know any girl that gets him. is getting 100x that attention and adoration which just made the song feel so much more intimate and hot. because that lil starr eyed puppy really is that sickeningly sweet 🥹 ahhh i just loved everything about it. the promo, the mv, and everything to come

🍬

my yandere jungkook fics got their seal of approval today 🫡

i see what you mean LMAO him reviving himself because she was at the funeral had me giggling like damn he really took “even death can’t do us part” way too seriously

the music video felt very much like jungkook, from outfits to story telling, the mingled comedic aspect and starry eyes. it was all so well produced, showcased both his vocal skills and taking him back to heir debut days when he’d rap too, it was so fun

i’m so glad that bts are more open about working with female artists/actors because like years ago they wouldn’t even mention if they did, so i’m glad that they’re comfortable enough to do that even though i’m sure the icky part of the fandom (probably a lot of solos) are gonna be gross about it. which like goes back into assuming sexuality and just making normal human interaction weird when it doesn’t need to be, but that’s a whole other thing

sexy emo goth boyfriend jungkook trying to serenade someone 🙏

not just any girl, whoever gets to date him 🚶‍♀️i know he’d be very attentive and just such a cutie. gonna have to live every day knowing it won’t be me 🙏

#ask #🍬

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dappersautismcreature · 1 month

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so how's the fanfic rewrite going?

no rush! just wondering

so, anon,

when shit first happened i was Convinced that i could just rewrite solitary snow quickly and be done with it but after the first chapter i finally realized how much work id actually have to put in, and how much it would affect me mentally,, because writing it affected me mentally. then, tbh, i kinda gave up, because suddenly it was February(depression month).

soon enough ill feel better to return to it.

i feel like the fandom really quickly just moved on from the situation, and i know, other stuff started coming out, and it was really icky and people wanted to just move past it immediately. but f really affected things, his character was a big part of the story, and bad's story.

its not that i want to keep in the story, or reference him ever again, its just awkward. i have this weird thing about trying to never see or hear someone ever again when i learn they have done some awful shit, but he's there, he's there in my own story i wrote and in my clips collection and my screenshots and my favorite vods. makes me sick.

sorry for rambling anon its just frustrated? me for a while that f isnt discussed much anymore. ik wilbur is more recent and popular in the english fandom but i feel like most people moved on quickly. at my most bitchy id say its because a large part of the fandom never interacted much with f and bad's storyline, that a lot of people were more invested in other ships.

but solitary snow was mine, it was my first fic that ever got attention, that ever got talked about in fandom spaces. yeah maybe its a silly whump fic with a lot of self indulgence, but i was proud of it.

again, sorry for the ramble, using this ask as a way to talk abt this. <3 thank you for asking, ill try to rewrite it more soon.

#forever situation #qsmp #asks #solitary snow

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basilhopewhumps · 10 months

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hi i exist and have just made this lovely whump blog!!!!

what's up friends???? i have just decided to make a whump blog because i have been so into whump in the past few years while i've been on tumblr on another account and today i decided, fuck it, i wanna be part of the whump community on tumblr! it looks lovely! so here i thought i'd make an intro/master post with everything y'all need to know about me so i can find some friends!!! and i will add to this as needed so yall have information about me that is real and true lol

and i'm new here so please if you're an established member of the whump community and could point me to blogs you like to follow, thatd be swell!

basics:

my name is Basil! it is not my real name lol!

I use he/they pronouns though sometimes i think xe/xem/xyr would be cool so i wouldnt mind that either :]

i'm 18 years old!

i have a main blog so i'm familiar with tumblr but i'm not going to share that because i don't want this to have anything to do with that life! i will say though that i write fanfiction for a small fandom and that's how i got into whump because i write a lot of hurt/comfort :D know that the characters from that fandom are always a little bit in my head when i'm reading or writing whump <3333

whump likes/dislikes:

i like:

soft caretaking! soft! caretaking! so many like, hardcore whump things are fun for me as long as there's soft caretaking at the end. that's my endgame really. it's all about that hurt/comfort!! woo!!!!!!

sickfic!

touch starved whumpees. i live and die for that shit

panic attacks/anxiety attacks/general anxiety! as someone who suffers from anxiety myself i really enjoy reading about characters having anxiety and getting taken care of and soothed

sleep deprivation/insomnia/sleepy whumpees getting taken care of. i am known in my fandom life for writing sleepy fics all the time haha

nightmares

crying at all, really. i just. i like it when characters cry man

did i mention soft caretakers? thats important

i tend to pretty much write whumpee x caretaker romantically (in my fandom hurt/comfort fics it is usually one character in a ship hurt and the other comforting them) but i am also cool with platonic whumpee + caretaker relationships!

i could have a good time with pet whump i think???? i just, again, i want them to escape at the end and be taken care of by a caretaker who helps them ease into being their own person again

i don't like:

whump with no comfort/no caretaker/no happy ending/etc. all respect to it but it just makes me feel bad so- yeah i prob won't interact much with blogs who only post stuff like that!

any kinky whump. it just makes me feel super icky, please dont send me anything related to that. i don't mean i won't read/write/talk about anything nsfw in whump- i think the general rule is if whump is supposed to turn you, the reader, on then please count me out!! this is generally a sfw blog!

marvel whump or superheroes in general or hero/villain. anything of that sort

what i'm gonna do here:

if people send me requests for prompts/scenarios that i like i will happily oblige them!!!!!

may also just generally write some whumpy things

and mostly just reblogging whump posts that i like and seeing what's going on in this community! it's gonna be great guys i'm excited to be here :D

please send me any asks about anything at all times, or message me, whatever, always down to chat and befriend people <3333

#whump #whump writing #soft whump #whump community

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apologies-from-jerome-valeska · 8 months

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((An OOC Message From the Owner of this Blog)):

Heyyy… so, this is Angel, the owner of this side blog and the “voice” behind Jerome.

…I think there’s been a bit of a misunderstanding lately about what this blog is?

I’m not a fictive. I’m not a kinnie. I’m not a reality shifter. I’m just… a person who made a sideblog two years ago to make a lot of shitposts. And it makes me kind of uncomfortable when people tag my posts as “reality shifting”, or ship themselves with this blog specifically.

I was fine with it for a while, but lately, I’ve just been getting kind of an icky feeling. There are minors who interact with this blog, and I’ve been getting a lot of… uh… strange asks, or being tagged in some… kinda f*cked-up stuff, that I don’t want to post for the sake of my own comfort.

What I’m trying to say is… I get it. Jerome Valeska is really hot.

But please don’t tag me in your “Jerome thirst posts” anymore, or in your reality-shifting posts anymore. I’m getting really uncomfortable with it, because I never wanted to give the impression that my blog is real. (The initial point of this blog was me making fun of Logan Paul’s terrible YouTube apology video.)

I’m just a roleplayer having fun with some online friends. I don’t act like Jerome IRL, which I didn’t think would be so bad… except for the fact that I’ve had people express disappointment when I don’t actually act or talk like Jerome, or when I introduce myself as “Angel” (which isn’t even my real name to begin with).

(I had one person ask to roleplay, we started talking, and then they immediately launched into an entire love confession to Jerome that took up the entire screen, and I had… frankly no idea how to reply to it, in-character or ooc… It was even worse considering I had an IRL boyfriend at the time, and such an intimate, intense, romantic roleplay concept felt way too sincere to my anxious brain.)

I’m. not. Jerome. I’m just a college student who started a Logan Paul-parody blog that ended up spiraling way too out of control, accidentally gained an impression for being annoying as hell, and attracted a large audience I was NOT ready to handle.

So… yeah. By all means, continue to send asks and tag me in posts! I love that! Don’t feel discouraged sending things like that!

But next time… please keep it PG-13 when you tag me in stuff, or send me asks. The majority of people in this roleplay fandom… are teenagers. I’m not, but most of the other Gotham roleplay mutuals I’ve made are, and I don’t feel comfortable posting or reblogging thirst asks where they can see it.

Please remember: I’m not your boyfriend, I’m not a character AI, I’m not a virtual dating sim. I have a life beyond this blog, and I don’t want people to think of it any other way than me trying to have a fun time.

I’m just… Angel. Please don’t get disappointed when I need to break character for my own sake, or don’t get too deep into a scenario. I’m not trying to be anything more than someone having fun.

Okay, so… uh… I’m glad I wrote that all out. I love interacting with you all, but please respect my boundaries from here on out, please don’t mistake me for actually being Jerome, and please… forgive my terrible puns. (Because I have at least dozens of them.)

Sincerely,

–Angel

#ooc #out of character #angel speaks #never used that tag on this blog before #don’t reblog this #message from the owner

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rexxdjarin · 3 months

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For your fandom interacction thoughts lol

Sometimes communication is a lot easier on Discord than Tumblr, but sometimes it's easier to find people on the latter. It's a mixed bag of bull.

It varies by hooman

It’s some combination of both for sure. I’m not trying to make discord like an enemy or something. But I think the tendency of people only choosing to talk in their discord servers once they have them makes it so that they either don’t interact with the general fandom as a whole anymore on tumblr OR they only interact with the same people on tumblr that they would in discord.

I just feel really bad about the idea of alienating other people in the fandom because they’re not in a certain server or something. I want everyone to feel like they can talk to each other and support each other equally. Creating a sort of fandom hierarchy makes me feel icky.

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nateriverswife · 3 months

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Anon from a while ago (again)!! (to make it clearer I'm the one who filtered the lawlight meronia and mellodramattic tags)

About lawzawa, I'm actually a big fan of it and lawzawa is how I found your blog.

While I was reading Death Note, I was giggling at every L and Aizawa interaction (especially the "I like people like you" and "I hate it when you say corny things like that"). I was very surprised at the lack of lawzawa shippers when I entered the fandom.

Aizawa is one of my favorite characters, and I think he's one of the better written characters in the Death Note cast. I wish he had more fans!!

I guess he's not popular because he's not a conventionally attractive twink? I still find him pretty though, I like his nose + lips.

I'd like to include another confession, but I can't think of anything to confess. Hmm, I dislike the way the fandom treats Misa

I see a lot of people saying "Misa is an angel she did nothing wrong!!" and "Light is WRONG/GAY for rejecting A GODDESS LIKE MISA!!"

Like yeah, she's pretty, but saying Light is gay/wrong for not liking her is just.. Weird. While his treatment of Misa was wrong, his dislike is valid because Misa is literally a stalker who is putting his life in danger. Sometimes the way the fandom treats Light feels like victim blaming which feels very icky to me.

I think changing Misa into a sweet pretty angel destroys everything I like about her. Like, why do people want her to be bland?? She's flawed and disfunctional and that's why I love Misa.

You know, I'm a little bit offended by the little faith you have in my memory (/hj). I do tell people irl that my memory is shit so they wouldn't pester me with questions regarding things we studied in some lectures, but tbh, I can recall all interactions I had with people pretty well, and you are the only one I've suggested Lawzawa to recently lol (and I should do a better job at advocating for it).

I actually find Aizawa very attractive, before and after the time skip (I don't know if this comes a shocker or not lmao), and yes, I too think he's one of the better written characters and I'm so glad Ohba decided to keep him in, even though he planned to kill him or something (firmly believe that unconsciously he knew their dynamic was perfect).

And yes! I have a issue about that too. I'm not the biggest Misa fan, but I find annoying how most people boil her down to those things - being hot and a girl boss that can do no wrong. That's what happens to all female death note characters, and while I understand people use it to uplift them or something like that, it stopped having that effect long ago and now it just feels infantilizing and they are making them one-dimensional, denying them of all their actual traits.

I don't want to sound as an hypocrite, so I'll say that I did write that Ohba's characterization of her was one dimensional to begin with - he just wanted a fashionable childish girl that was obsessed with Kira, since a solely male cast was boring (his words not mine). I still agree with this, but in that post I continued by saying that that's all what transpired, but I have to disagree with my past self. That was Ohba's intention, but what it was shown to us was quite different. I am still working on trying not to read some parts of the story based only on authorial intent, but also what he unintentionally created, so I guess this, combined with the fandom treatment, made me find her character hollow and I still don't have a full interpretation of her character right now, since it's hard for me to get interested in her after all these years.

Not a lot to say about Misa's relation with Light, because I agree. I also find weird that people have to state that Light is gay and that's why it's wrong for Misa to force him in a (het) relationship, like no, it's just wrong even without that.

#dn.inbox

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olderthannetfic · 2 years

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Do you/your readers have any thoughts on Hetalia or the fandom? I was a HUGE fan back in middle school, and lately I’ve just been trying to contextualize it in the broader… everything. My mind keeps going in circles about it, it’s super frustrating.

I don’t feel guilt or anything about liking the series (beyond guilty pleasure because GOD was it bad. Don’t get me wrong sometimes I still cry thinking about it but it was very rarely good), I’m just not sure how to interact with it, or communicate with those who weren’t in the zeitgeist about it.

Like, yeah, I know that you live in an area that was under nazi occupation, but he’s only in the nazi uniform like, a third of the time! And he’s silly Nazi Germany, but most of the time he’s just silly regular Germany! Like… How many people were potentially hurt by seeing that celebrated, stamped on notebooks and tshirts? I have a tshirt with the axis powers in their uniforms, I wore that outside, did I hurt anyone by doing that? By the same token, there were a lot of people in the fandom that made their own nations with no small amount of pride. Like, quite a few indigenous people made their tribes and exposed people to their culture in a relevant way. If we don’t talk about it, are we doing a disservice to them by dismissing the thing they loved enough and were inspired enough by to attach their own marginalized identity to it? I don’t know of a single incident of the right trying to recruit based on it— It was gay and icky, plus the alt right wasn’t nearly as sophisticated in their recruitment methods.

I don’t know, there’s just so much around it and I’m so close my brain is having a hard time putting it altogether.

I was way too old when it came out and pretty much missed that fandom.

The fans who wore Nazi uniforms and did the salute should have known better. I remember hearing about that bullshit at the time. Most of the rest of the problematic shit from this fandom I can't find it in me to get worked up about.

The fan-created country characters are neat. Generally, I think Hetalia sparked a lot of creativity and a lot of interest from people across a broad range of countries, and that makes it different from something that's all Americans being insensitive about European history or all covert Nazis or something.

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64thyume · 11 months

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Ok Skip Beat! Fandom, idk if you’re out there, but I would love to have some thoughts on this article and the more problematic elements of the manga!

I’ve really been enjoying the series and I’ve almost caught up, but in the process of doing some fanart and looking for refs (I couldn’t resist the challenge of trying to make the men’s faces in this series make literally any sense in any other style), I came upon this article. It got me thinking… I originally got into Skip Beat about 10-15 years ago because of the anime, but I think maybe I caught up to the limit of what’d been published and got distracted. I forgot about it for the last decade, but in rereading it I did remember that some of the interactions between Ren and Kyoto made me uncomfortable. And on rereading, some of those elements still do.

I bring up Ren as the main concern because Sho and Reino aren’t good guys. They’re never truly portrayed as good guys. Sho gets some moments where he seems to be reminded that Kyoko is human, a hurting one and he’s seen so much of her hurt up close and personal that even his self-centered person can’t ignore it (setting aside of course what he did to her because that’s not only a blind spot but he’d have to admit he did wrong to her in the first place). He’s only focused on her because she’s become interesting and challenges him in a unique way (since she’s known him long enough to push all his buttons) & it’s only because she is a better person than him that she’s able to criticize/critique him in a way that actually helps him move past some of his problems. But in the end he’s still selfish: he wants to dominate her mind, very much like Reino does (maybe just less creepily???).

Ren however is supposed to be the good guy in the story. Of course, he’s got his mysterious troubled past. He’s still learning to accept the interest and affections of others on any level beyond the surface. I suppose it makes sense that he doesn’t handle things well sometimes. But Sho forces a kiss on Kyoko and while at fist Ren seems to be trying to help her reframe the situation so it’s less traumatizing, suddenly he’s threatening loss of his goodwill if she even lets Sho kiss her again, as if it’s her fault he did it in the first place. I think maybe it’s supposed to read more like (1) she needs to be less naive (which she does) so here’s an ultimatum to push her that direction & (2) a little funny because it’s unexpected with the way the conversation was going. But it still feels a little icky to me. It’s mainly his moments of possessiveness like this that bother me and while he seems to sometimes regret it or apologize, he never seems to learn a better way. He just has to “keep it in check” until Kyoko hopefully reciprocates his feelings and then of course it’ll be fine (which, yes, there are hurdles to that even because they both want to become stars and don’t want a relationship to destroy their chances, but all it does is extend that possessiveness issue to yet a further future date). Idk, it’s tricky…

The other side of what’s problematic is the way she deals with (or is encouraged how to deal with) her traumas. I think the articles talks a lot more about this issue and I find it… maybe overkill? Though definitely not completely without merit.

They say that the manga says there is no true hurt, only acting fodder, but I guess I find it more that acting is used a means for her to experience and examine her emotions in a context that feels safe for her. The scene in which she admits her feelings about Ren to the President actually felt very beautiful to me because she is encouraged (using the excuse of becoming a better actress) to see herself as she is in this moment, to consider it rather than run from it, to pause the emotional ride for a second and see herself (& thus acknowledge the depth of her feelings). But she (& even Ren) is encouraged pretty often to recontextualize painful things to such a degree that it feels a little less like learning to understand the other party’s perspective and that they’re human too (& thus have their own hurts), and a little more like “Realizing there were good intentions erases the impact of the bad things they’ve done.” This only sometimes feels like the case for me though. The article references the arc with Kyoto’s mother as an example, but it doesn’t feel that extreme to me. It feels more like being an adult and realizing that your parents are human too. It doesn’t mean that what her mother did was ok, but that Kyoko understands the why of it and that humanizes her mother to her. She expresses this understanding not just by saying that she’s been through something similar, but that she understands her mother’s feelings of shame have been projected onto her being, so she will become more than her mother ever imagined someone produced from a (perceived) shameful beginning could be. Yeah, some of their interaction is problematic and does feel too much like that good-intentions-erase-bad-actions thing (Kyoko later makes comments about a role being something her mother wouldn’t be happy with, as if she ought to be considering that when her mother hasn’t proved at all that her opinions on Kyoto’s life have anything to do with having Kyoko’s best interests at heart… besides maybe encouraging someone else to raise her?).

The article also talks about her putting everyone else first and being encouraged to do so over and over again to a degree that’s not love but rather self-harm. I think this has some truth to it. Again, it’s more of the same vein as the good-intentions-erase-bad-actions thing. But I do wonder if some of those examples the articles gives of this aren’t meant to be read so much as putting others first as it is that’s Kyoko is learning to be professional (you can stand up for yourself, and Kyoko does fail to do this sometimes when she really ought to, but putting curses on people won’t help you learn to interact with people you don’t like which is part of being a professional in any field), to experience varying levels of “love” from simple understanding and acceptance of the brokenness of people to true deep affection, and to experience many emotions and regulate them around others - all with varying levels of success. I think a person with such trauma in the real world learns to love others typically by being given a safe place to be real and be loved first, then they learn to understand and forgive and love others, so Kyoko’s story isn’t quite realistic that way. But over time, she finds some of that in Ren (in spite of his own issues), Kanae, the couple she lives with, and others.

Unfortunately, in my eagerness to catch up with Skip Beat I read through it SO quickly that these thoughts are more impressions than an actual analysis. I don’t own any of it, so I’d have to get it all from the library again to do a deeper assessment. That’s where you Skip Beat fans who are better versed in the series come in! I’d love to her more perspectives, especially ones willing to admit the flaws of the series but also celebrate its strengths - because it definitely has them! Kyoko could view other women as competition considering all her bad experiences, yet she doesn’t. Even with that though, she’s not perfect - which is great! She’s allowed to be so romantically minded and naive that it’s a flaw. She’s allowed to be angry and for good reason! She grows in her ability to forgive and thus frees herself from negative emotions she’d otherwise cling to (but mostly manages to not let that forgiveness turn into allowing people to walk all over her again, an important distinction).

“It’s all fodder for acting” might be true to some degree, but I think it’s more true that, for Kyoko, acting is a framework for self understanding and acceptance, even if that journey is deeply flawed. Maybe that just makes it more real to the flawed human experience.

We’ll have to see if the mangaka will refine and more strongly define those lines between love and possessiveness, between forgiving and accepting bad behavior. I really hope she does!

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everlastiingiimmortals · 7 months

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1. how do you feel about reblog karma?(WHAT IS REBLOG KARMA ANYWAY I'VE SEEN IT AROUND)

12. what roleplay trends do you remember from the year you started tumblr rp? how did you feel about those trends?

QUESTIONS FOR MUNS. Accepting!

1. how do you feel about reblog karma?

Reblog karma is the term used for ask meme reciprocation! For example, if I reblog an ask meme from you, I'm typically expected to reciprocate by sending you an ask from that meme.

Now, on that note, I don't practice reblog karma. It's a mentality that started because people were being used as ask meme resources when they were not and were not receiving any asks for these memes, so I do understand where it comes from, but I personally find it a little unreasonable. Not everyone has the inspiration or energy to send in a meme. It's a mentality that I've seen snowball into some pretty toxic and self destructive accusations.

On the flipside, I get the annoyance of expecting an ask and seeing a reblog notification instead. If someone reblogs a meme you like, just be courteous and reblog the meme from the source, it's as simple as that.

Personally, if I see someone reblog an ask meme that I like, I try to be considerate and send them a meme before reblogging it from the source, but I really don't care if it's reciprocated. If someone wants to send in an ask, they will, if they don't, they won't, and that's the end of it. That's fine. I'm not gonna make or expect anyone to do anything. (I also don't particularly care if someone reblogs an ask meme from me, but it's more polite to reblog from the source -- most people request that you do that to not clog their notes, so it's better to make it a habit anyway.)

12. what roleplay trends do you remember from the year you started tumblr rp? how did you feel about those trends?

I almost forgot to answer this! One thing I saw a lot of when I first started out (2016) was Magic Anons. You hardly see them nowadays -- in fact, across both of my fandoms I haven't seen them at all, and honestly?

Good fucking riddance.

I haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate Magic Anons with a passion, and I'm glad they're gone. They are nothing short of invasive, in my eyes, and while some of them could be fun (typically only happened if they were from partners who knew you well), most of them were uncomfortable. I've seen a lot of MAs that would force someone's muse to act OOC just to achieve a scenario they wanted to read, and I've seen many that pretty much stripped autonomy from the mun behind the scenes. These would be things like shapeshifting, forcing romantic interactions, forcing amnesia, some more... unpleasant things. Genderswap MAs were a thing I saw a handful of times and just, no. No. For me personally, I've received a few that tried to force my muse to fall in love with another, or tried to make my antisocial villain friendly for a soft interaction. You can imagine why that's icky!

Again, the scenarios that popped up could be fun and interesting, but I just. Found the unsavory and uncomfortable ones too much to bear just to get a chance at one nice one.

@shining-gem34

#//an answer sought; (ASK)#shining-gem34 #//immortal; (OOC)#((ty!!!))#((fuck magic anons all my homies hate magic anons))

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nny11writes · 8 months

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Long rambly thing that spilled out on accident today. It's about self worth, and personal image, and writer's block, and probably a lot of other things too.

I'm definitely not in a great place today, but I promise I'm alright.

Sometimes I don't know what to write. It's hard to know if I'm making the right choice. People don't seem to like it. The things I love the most. Or if they do it feels fleeting and uncaring in a way. I wish that I could care less about it the way I used to. I miss the days when I would read every username on my kudo emails. I miss when I cared less about the optics of my stories doing well. I miss caring less about the dumb things. Because I've only come to care more and more about my writing and th eworlds I'm building. It's the shame and sham of becoming a better writer. Eventually you aren't writing just for you, you are genuinely writing for others and trying to gauge if what you wrote is enjoyable for most people. I like to spread joy and enjoyment and the lightness that comes with heavyness passing. I like to see the a-ha moments that people have when I write about something more obscure. I like that I've actively helped many people with my writing. I like that people have discovered they are ace or trans or nuerodivergent thanks to what I've written.

It's not a thankless job.

But sometimes I'm ungrateful all the same.

And doesn't that feel bad? To have a gift and a skill, something I had some natural talent for that I've honed over twenty years of writing into something much more engaging and impressive and enjoyable. Many people hate their writing, and I am grateful to not be one of them. I think I write well. I am just sometimes ungrateful for the love I've been shown and I think that's okay. It feels shitty. But I think it's okay.

Have I invested too much of myself into my writing? Should I stop for a while again? I took a multi year break once, I didn't read or write anything really during it. I had no fandom. Do I need that again? I don't think so, the idea makes me feel sad and icky. Not guilty though, which I think is also important.

Why have I invested so much into others expressing their feelings to me? Why do I now feel like I demand it?

It's easier to write when people interact, absolutely. When people actually respond to each chapter I post with long meandering comments that become threads it's inspiring to write more! Am I demanding response because I'm struggling to write? Or is it the other way around?

I don't know.

Writer's block is stranage that way, and mine has rarely been a block on all writing. So there's also that guilt and frustration that the things I can write don't always seem to be favored by others.

I used to only post stories one at a time, and I always finished them. Now I have so many unfinished stories that haunt me. Is that the problem? The tell tale hearts that beat not under my floorboards but inside my own chest? I'm haunted by myself, everyone is haunted by themselves, but god mine has become a poltergist rattling the chairs. Slamming the keys and jamming the buttons. Finish me, finish me, finish me. I want to. I promise I want to. But when I hold those old works once more in my hands it's like I'm holding a sickly baby. I can't explain why they feel bad, I can't explain why I feel bad. I can only try to rock and rock and rock them to sleep once more because the medicine won't fucking take.

I wish I wasn't this way. But I am. (Isn't that the way this always goes? I wish I wasn't me when my ribs split open and salt water pours out, but I can't stop who I am. Maybe that's why I hang around every loss like a ghost. Cliche as it is now I have to make up for the fact that it's me and I am not very good at doing that)

I miss who I was just six years ago with my writing. Not the level or the style, just the caring about the bullshit being about zero. I've never made it big as a fandom writer and I think it would kill me if I did. I crave the numbers going up, the dopamine hit of besting my own high score. I'm self competitive and I think I just didn't expect writing to become my newest war zone.

I've never been someone to force myself to write something I'm not feeling. But maybe I should. Maybe I need to now. It might be time for me to suck it up buttercup and get it fucking done and dusted. Maybe without the unfinished ones whispering to me at night I can sleep and wake refreshed for once. Maybe without the unfinished ones I would think more fondly of them, instead of cringe when I remember how much or how little there is left to go.

I'm a people pleaser, and it's honestly my worst trait.

I want to write for me again.

I just don't know how when I keep digging up the bodies to hold “one last time”.

Writing is fun. I still enjoy it. I enjoy talking about it when someone is brave enough to do the thing I can't and reaches out. I like bouncing ideas and theories and building new worlds with others. I can't stand the idea of a group where that's the point though. I'm fickle like that. Picky. I don't think it's a bad thing, but I don't know how to move forward alone either. Writing IS still fun, and I desperately enjoy it.

I just wish I enjoyed having posted it too. Not as a quick etherial high but as a slow sleepy morning. I don't know that I know how anymore.

I guess I'm at a platue looking up to the next step, and I just can't seem to find the handholds to haul myself up.

It's weird to say I'm lonely, but I guess I am a little bit. If you squint and tilt your head. And as I write this I think I'm making a connection. There's something with my anxiety and there's something with my depression. There's something with my job and my other hobby which is ballooning in wonderful and terrifying ways. There's a lot going on and I'm just me, and I can't escape being me no matter how much I enjoy the escape.

Fucking writers block. An absolute ass slap.

Should I post this? This long weird meandering thing? I meant to write a fic today, and tried to let my hands do the talking and this spilled out. I feel like a woman fated to die because I caughed delicately into a silken square and a few cherry drops were caught by the camera. This wasn't supposed to go this way. But I wonder if anyone would find it interesting. Or relateable. God I hope no one finds it relatable because this is miserable, but if they do I don't want them to feel lonely and alone.

If I post it I won't look it over. It will be full of all my errors and misspellings and grammar mistakes. I won't re-write it three or four times the way I often do for things that feel important.

That's the thing with me and writing and not posting. I used to do that. I wrote a LOT of fics that have never been posted start to finish just to get them out. I don't want to post them, that wasn't the point of them. It was to lance something. Something undesireable to me and in the way of what I wanted.

Is it enough that I've written the feelings out? Is it ever /enough/ for me anymore?

I don't feel delicate and rubbed raw, but it is vulnerable. I've always been just myself, not a persona online. But this might be a look too much. Like a horror movie where you see the monster too early and the mystery is gone. Takes the bite out, you know? I'm not entierly saying I'm a monster (I am but who isn't? Monsters don't have to be evil or villains, sometimes we just are.) but I hope you understand what I mean.

Sometimes it's just me standing on stage, waiting for the audience to respond only to meet a defining silence. I tap the mic, ”Hello, is this thing on?“ and I squint into the lights tryign to make out if anyone is still in their seats.

And when I'm lucky, someone calls back to me and the dissapointment that what I poured a bit of myself into that didn't land crushes me for a moment.

I'm still learning to pick myself up after that. I'm tired of being resillent, but this is one time and place and thing I want to be more resilient for. To once again hear the call back and instead of feel bad to smile.

Anyhow.

The counter says I'm over 1500 words into my “was supposed to be a fic not me info dumping and waxing semi-poetic about writers block and external validation in fandom” thing.

It's enough for now, I'll spin my wheels otherwise and I do hate doing that.

Ah well.

Back to the cutting room floor and the grave sides and the bedsides and the stories I haven't finished but gave too much of me to bear. But not today. I think this is enough writing for today.

#personal #complaining about writing #maybe a little deeper than that tag implies #idk y'all the vibe is just fucking weird today #everything feel a little unreal and like there's lightning under my skin #so definitely not a good day lol #but also not a bad one just blah and kinda gross #anyhow feel free to skip this post if you want

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another-dra-anew · 1 year

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maybe maki you don't talk about her enough...

i dont!!! so i will answer this because shes neglected. not because im procrastinating. sobs sobs sobs-

cw: icky bad parents/abuse mentioned. but like. that cw is equal in severity/detail as the actual point where its mentioned. no detail/infos on how theyre icky bad, just that theyre icky bad

My identity hc for them

canonically sapphic! i feel like ive spoken before on her identity past that uhhh. i dont know what im on about?

+ trans lass! i think she still overall just has a journey ahead of her when it comes to feeling secure in her identity and etc etc? thats kinda just a general thought. she's got some internalized issues she needs to work through but like. w/o getting into backstory spoilers shes being so brave esp for her age and im so proud of her <33. she's having a vv normal and expected relationship with her identity and im so proud of my girlie. she can work through her internalized stuff now that she has fwends by her side, she's already done so much on her own and im so proud of my girlie

Thoughts on their home life/family

maki comes across veryyy. edgy and like "oh duhhh this character has trauma they're wearing their pain on their sleeve" and so i worry her backstory is too. ouch the edge? but i think like... ultimately her relationship with her parents and her relationship with ryutaro are accurate to like... toxic households/what happens when ur a child abuse victim. even if what exactly Happened there is a bit more nonsensical, the dynamics portrayed are (hopefully) accurate depictions which hold weight because of what they're like, if not how they came to be.

thatsss meta reflection tho lol. for something in-universe... hm. how do i say things without spoiling. i think her being a big sister is very important to her and she wants to be like. part of the club with yamaguchi and hatano and uehara and etc etc. but her relationship with ryutaro is like. Explodes. so while the fact she's a big sibling is something that holds a lot of weight to her shes like. well i cant really call myself a big sibling now can i. hm. (<- dont worry about it its just the horrors ! )

How i feel about their canonical writing/handling

she's... a hard character for me to nail. this is something ive noticed with her and uehara both? its funny i used to feel fine with writing them but now im comfy writing yamaguchi and inori and not these two. ugh. buuuut.. i feel like i just need practice? maybe ill revisit that old maki fic.... i think i just need to spin her a bit in my head, and actually. im confident in her writing but not how i portray it. i need to do more to show that she's very... withdrawn and on the defense 90% of the time.

The one thing i’d want to make canon about them

hmm- OH. she and tsu would be/should be besties. but like. even in non despair itd take monthsss for them to be in the same social sphere + interacting enough to be besties. and in the kg tsu is busy trying to be bob the builder for everyones mental health ("can we fix it? yes we can!) and maki is Not Well. so. sadly no "pls my kids take care of ur ears look at ur talents oh lordy" besties :(...

My number one favorite ship for them

obligatory makitomo per tomoris ask meme! i think they'd 100% have a mutual crush in non despair, and even in kg there's definitely like.. hints of stuff there, romance just isn't reallyyyyy... what's been on makis mind.

…Now everyone else i ship with them

i think she and kurokawa r cute, and i think her and inori could be fun... maki is funny cuz she's one of the few girls i dont especially ship with hatano or iranami? but yeah! tbf i just think kuronori/makitomo is cute. polycuuuule!

The thing i will NEVER ship

i meaaaan? damn. i really just don't have m/f ships in dra. wow. uhhh anyways. there's nothing im against for her, just stuff im not too interested in of my own volition!

a dynamic/relationship i wish was explored more (in canon, or in fandom)

i miss talking about my edgy trio :( (inori maki uehara)..... uhhhhm.. i dont think there's really anything else? but yk. actually in terms of makis relationships being talked about. do u all ever question whats going on with maki and ryutaro? or makis past in general? ???

thoughts on their design (appearance-wise)

im preeetty happy with her fit, but im thinking about changing her color palette.... i need to upload fit explanations in general? but thats not something im gonna get to for awhile- like.. two weeks after i graduate im going on a out of country trip (its through girl scouts!) and so i wont be on my phone much... so i wanna get to a good place w/beta, and its just... this mess of me trying to organize everything so im in a good place to be offline for a Bit (+unproductive), so we'll see what i get done before then- maybe ill type up fits when im out of country, maybe ill do them before as filler before we advance with the plot! we'll see jesus fuck this was supposed to be about maki

mkay. yeah i like her fit! i like the new one wayyy more than her og fit, but i struggle a bit with her hair/eye color and making it fit with her look... ive lightened her hair so its not quite the neon yellow of canon, but i'm still toying with it! it'd prolly be good for me to be more adventurous with like... i dunno. i tend to use/reference hair and eye colors in character's fits, and i need to be more Okay with not doing that.

A music-related thought- a song that reminds me of them, or what their music taste is, etc

MAKI HAS A PLAYLIST. it hasn't been updated in forever but it exists. i deserve to bleed - sushi soucy. a vv commonly used song/prolly expected but it works very well for her. i feel like there's other songs that are like... on the tip of my tongue for her? but i cant think of any </3. sorry girlie...

#maki kiyoka #ask meme #'yomi this isnt accurate to the order i sent asks in maki shouldnt be first' shhh u dont see anything

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shipping-kitchen · 2 years

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God I’m so close to coming out as proship on my main request blog, it just makes me feel so icky to see antis interacting with me.

Pros of being openly proship:

I won’t feel like I’m lying or manipulating people by hiding it

I won’t have to be scared of it being ‘revealed’ later on

other proshippers in the fandom can feel more supported and seen

I might be able to correct some people on what proship actually means

I can put antis on my DNI and I won’t have to deal with them in my notifications all the time

better chance at having a community that actually suits me, rather than being surrounded by antis

get to vent about it openly when I see stupid anti posts instead of vague blogging about it

Cons of being openly proship:

might get harassed

would probably lose a couple friends

brings discourse to a blog that’s supposed to be a comforting and safe space

my shipping discourse stances don’t relate to my blog’s content so they shouldn’t matter

have to deal with all the dumb bad faith interpretations of what proship means

I will be on people’s DNIs and I won’t be able to interact with them anymore

lose a significant part of my audience, most likely

—

Any suggestions?? I’ve been on the fence about this for a few months and it just… rubs me the wrong way to have so many antis interacting with me

But also I know that a lot of people who identify as antis aren’t the bad kind who support censorship, they’re just traumatized folks who ask proship not to interact because they assume their blogs will have traumatizing dynamics/content that they don’t want to see

So as much as I want to thumb it to the bad antis who are going around like their fictional comfort levels are God’s Divine Law, I don’t want to exclude people who are just uncomfortable with certain content and want to stay in their lane (and are misusing the term ‘anti’)

#proship #Kov says things #pro ship

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doberbutts · 2 years

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woozymitts

The same shit happened in The Witcher fandom, people got sooooo fucking upset when the show came out because "Ew these people are into the SHOW and not the BOOKS/GAMES they're doing Fandom wrong >:(" instead of like. Being happy that people discovered something they like and there's new people to be friends with and talk about TW with.

I missed a lot of that because I am a Games Fan from the time of The First Game and initially tried to engage with the fandom back when Wild Hunt came out because I was so fucking pumped to not only be returning to the Witcher but also because it was such a significant jump in game quality and then. And Then. I realized that the Witcher fandom was filled with a bunch of racist, sexist assholes who were more interested in spitting on any POC or queer person going “hey... um...” as well as any woman who was at least mildly uncomfortable with the implications of some of the romance options throughout the series as well as the gratuitous sexual violence within the universe spoken about so casually.

By the time the series came out, I’d heard a bunch of the same stupid whining “but POC don’t make sense here” “I can’t believe [female character] is a girlboss now” “the costumes” “the dialogue” “the lore changes” “make it fail” and resolved to simply not interact with the fandom outside of reading a few fics of my favs every now and again. I bought the books because the show reminded me that I’d been waiting for them all to be officially translated, and I want absolutely nothing to do with the Witcher fandom because of what I saw, despite having been in it for almost as long as it’s been available to US audiences.

moddeydhoo

There's a lottttt of snobbery in fandom. "Ew, new people! They can't be REAL fans because of several reasons I'll now think up and then use interchangeably! And all older adaptations are better because objective facts and definitely not because of the nostalgia halo effect! (also anyone who got into the fandom earlier than me is a disgusting old who's also doing it wrong, because very valid reasons such as: adults are icky)"

Yes, I saw this when the Hobbit movies came out too, and was fairly frustrated about that (and hilariously, those movies are now being upheld as great when the same complaints were happening regarding them...) and it just really bothers me to see it again and again.

Did I like the Hobbit movies? They were alright for what they were. Not my favorite. Never going to match the feeling I had when I sat down to watch LOTR the first time. Made a lot of annoying changes to the lore. Screwed over their female elf OC’s actor. Good for a rewatch marathon with the OG but outside of specific scenes I don’t really find much interest in it.

Do I like the Hobbit-movies-era subset of the fandom? No, actually, most of the time I avoid anything to do with that because I feel the source of their interest has a much different tone and take than the actual book and surrounding materials. There’s only so many times one can see party-king Thranduil memes before being kind of annoyed that that was the takeaway when you’ve invested as much time as I have in learning this universe. I don’t read any fics written by folks who are going based off that trilogy’s version of events. I’m incredibly choosey with my Tolkien fan-created material and because I’m coming from an era where the OG trilogy movies were somewhat sacrilegious due to their changes, often it’s simply not Tolkien enough for me.

But I don’t go bother those fans about it. Let them have their fun. They’re not hurting anyone? If I want to experience the parts of the franchise I like again, they sit on my bookshelf and I can revisit them whenever I want. What’s the point of being so sanctimonious about whether people are interested in a piece of media because of the right adaption when the truth of the matter is that they’re all adaptions and thus will all be different from the source material as well as each other? I still reblog Hobbit gifsets to my main and I still own those movies. I’m happy just to be back in Middle Earth again when I watch them, even though certain aspects make me twitch.

I just hate to see people being so cruel. We’re all Tolkien fans in the end. If a different adaption really threatens (general) your ability to enjoy (general) your favorite adaption, then what are you actually a fan of?

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