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rumpunch · 1 year

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HIIII so… i finally got to see hadestown this weekend (the national tour production) w two of my best friends 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹 i knew we were gonna see it for months but i didnt want to post abt it beforehand / acknowledge it in any way after making plans bc i was scared i would jinx it like what happened when i posted / talked abt seeing shows on the west end and then covid hit and sent me home lol. but i can’t believe i finally saw it!! it doesn’t feel real and honestly didn’t until right now as im writing this….. being in the theater was truly an out of body (and mind lol) experience for better or for worse. this was my first time seeing a show since covid and im soooo glad it was this one given how much it’s meant to me for all these years 🥹💗

i have a lot of thoughts on the production and also the plot / story so here they are lol:

production thoughts

for context ive never seen a hadestown 👢 before, i told myself that i wanted my first experience of seeing it to be actually seeing it in person. but ive listened to the obcr 5798673594 times over the last 3 years and the songs have become thoroughly woven into my life... so that made for a really weird experience where i knew every word but was watching it unfold for the first time and yet i knew what was coming for the most part. that also could be chalked up to the fact that ive seen so many gifsets and have read so many posts about other ppl seeing the show so i did know about some visual things.. but yeah it was just weird what i knew / expected and what i didnt lol

my friends and i sat in the back right corner of the mezzanine (like the LITERAL corner. no chairs behind us or next to us and the exit right next to us) and sadly the balcony in the set was cut off for us so we had to keep leaning across each other or scrunching our heads down to see the action up there :~/ but it was ok

i think bc of the above two bullet points + the fact that i really did not let myself believe that i was going to see the show bc i was scared of jinxing it + me having depression / possible derealization issues that i did not have when i first got into this show... i was kinda numb the entire time which sucks a little. i cried a couple times (happy / disbelieving tears in road to hell (persephone's entrance specifically for some reason, idk why it wasnt the "aight"s LOL) and any way the wind blows, sad tears in doubt comes in) but i didnt really... process anything in the moment or really experience the epic highs and lows of it while watching it. i just generally wasnt very moved! and im processing the show right now for the first time. and that kinda sucks and is unlike me and unlike what i thought seeing it was gonna be like. in a similar vein i found myself really focused on whoever was in the spotlight and im kinda mad at myself for that bc this is a show where SO many little details / context clues are communicated when ppl are in the background. but its fine i guess, i may be in a weird place mentally but i got to see it and maybe i'll see it again someday and be more moved

the cast was PHENOMENALLLLLL. j antonio rodriguez was our orpheus and he was the standout for me, his singing and acting as were breathtaking! i was frustrated about hannah whitley (eurydice) though bc like (and i feel bad for saying all of this)... nobody can be eva noblezada but hannah was missing a lot of notes / singing off key and kept like.. idk what the technical term for it is but she was kinda singing on her own beat and adding in a lot of pauses or rushing into things instead of staying on pace with the music and also she kept kinda revving up into the high notes and all of it grated on me. but i grew warmer to her singing in act 2 and i really appreciated her acting throughout! i didnt rly have many thoughts about hades (matthew patrick quinn), persephone (maria christina oliveras), or hermes (nathan lee graham) aside from ADORING all of their performances and what they brought to the roles compared to the obc! and the fates (dominique kempf, belén moyano, courtney lauster) / ensemble (kc dela cruz, colin lemoine, sean watkinson, shavey brown, raquel williams) / musicians were INCREDIBLE and had such amazing chemistry with and between each other :~D

antonio made for a bolder more charming orpheus and hannah made for a darker moodier more tortured eurydice which was interesting. but (and maybe this was just me dealing with the whole numbness / already knowing what to expect thing) i wasnt really convinced about their love story (specifically the early parts of it in act i as they were falling in love) or that orpheus in particular was insecure and vulnerable to the fates. but they did have some good chemistry in act ii especially and i was rooting for them so hard despite knowing wht was to come :~(

i knew that on broadway they have that little elevator in the center of the stage so i was curious about how it would work in the tour and... they had this giant oven box thing with moving doors! i actually really liked that, it made the whole idea of traveling to / from hadestown seem more sinister. that said i was kinda bothered by it during doubt comes in because orpheus and eurydice had to walk around the entire stage to make sure eurydice was positioned in front / inside of the oven and it kinda spoiled the ending in a way (even though we all know how that ends)... im guessing that on broadway its less exaggerated and you dont see it coming bc all eurydice has to do is just move over to the side a little. but idk i'll finally let myself watch a 👢 and see what the difference is

i couldnt take my eyes off of hades and persephone during promises. they started the song with hades kneeling with his head against persephone's stomach and then he stood up and they just hugged.... for a LONG time. like at least 3-5 minutes. and i was like god i wish that were me and i was thinking about what that mustve been like for the actors playing them.. like if thats a moment that they share and look forward to or whatever bc i know i would. it made me think about jenna's dear baby monologue in you matter to me LOLLLL

i saw from another post i read on here (as i was pregaming for the show by scrolling thru my hadestown tag LMAO) that orpheus runs through the audience at one point? and he didnt do that for us that i saw which i was bummed about. maybe thats just a broadway thing

i had no idea the set splits open during wait for me!!! it was so cool

i also didnt know / fully realize that hades produces a flower for persephone during epic iii 😭 the tears in my eyes... also speaking of epic iii hades singing the lalalalalalalaaaa got a LAUGH and i was so MAD!!!!! i get that its kinda funny because it just sounds so weird in his voice and its a startling moment... but that pissed me off bc the moment is supposed to be so tender and heartbreaking and the audience didnt appreciate that.. augh.

since its pride month the set was initially lit up with rainbow lights and in act ii hermes had little rainbow tassles on the ends of his sleeves!! :~D

plot / story thoughts

another context bullet point to kick us off: i discovered hadestown in the spring / summer of 2019 which was an INCREDIBLY formative time for me and so many aspects of the show (creative expression as a tool / forum for bringing about the world as it could be (and illuminating the possibilities in the world as it is), discovering that you have agency, love / loyalty / betrayal / sustenance, finding your purpose, etc.) were profoundly relevant to things that i was awakening to at that exact place and time in my own life. so i went into this experience hoping to have more insights like the kind i had when i first listened to the obcr... and i didnt really. i mean i had some but they didnt feel as profound i guess? and again that may just be me having mental health issues now that i didnt have then.. but that was a thing that i was aware of and kinda sad about. so yeah

that said... the main thing along those lines that i did take away (which really only hit me while watching epic iii / promises) is like... love is agency is love is agency is love.... or something like that. at least that they coexist and happen together. the oppressive conditions in hadestown and the poverty in the overworld strip the gods and humans alike of... their humanity (which is weird to apply to the gods but still)! their sense of self, and their love for each other and the world. the moment that became clear for me was in epic iii when the workers took off their goggles one by one and it was like.. they could See again! they could see themselves and each other, they were holding hands with each other and singing together. and they saw a future that they could create together. and hades was letting persephone dance and she kept spinning away from him with her arms outstretched like a bird but then coming back... idk. im not articulating this well and i need to think about it more and let it simmer for a bit and maybe watch a 👢 to get all the details. but it was like yeah... the opposite of capitalism imperialism etc etc is love and agency and they go together and they are the same thing.

another thing i need to think about more: orpheus went to hadestown all by himself to get eurydice! how come he was so confident then? he was LITERALLY alone. he didnt know where she went or if she would come back with him. and he didnt have the workers following him (though they were there in wait for me swinging the lamps, but i interpreted them as being like... part of the scenery i guess). he was completely alone and operating off of hope AND THE FATES TAUNTED HIM TOO and he was like... fine! so then in doubt comes in.. when he has all these people including eurydice following him... like idk. maybe its just because he'd confronted hades who couldnt fully be trusted and he knew that eurydice had turned her back on him and stuff... like maybe its just because on the journey back he'd experienced things that caused him to doubt / mistrust the people he was journeying with / from and that's what made him vulnerable, not so much the physical loneliness but the emotional loneliness that comes with a betrayal. which is something i just realized typing it out lol. but that kinda agitated me bc its like... he was FINE the way up so why did he crumble on the way back :~(

doubt comes in is such a fucking GUT PUNCH btw. i wanted to cry harder but didnt let myself bc i didnt want to be too loud or soil my mask. but i was so so scared to see it and it devastated me. its just so... SAD. and its so... like i relate to / identify with orpheus SO much yes in part because of the creative expression / seeing the two worlds thing but also because of doubt comes in specifically. its just so so so sad. he had all of these people including the person he loved most cheering him on and echoing to him. and he couldnt hear them. and he couldnt internalize how much they loved and believed and trusted in him. and he turned. that is so wrenchingly real. and it hurt so bad to see it playing out on the stage knowing what was about to happen and then WATCHING it in all the brilliant horror. like thats another insane thing the way the lights get so wildly bright. actually now that i mention that i think the lights are brighter in hadestown when bad things are happening. like hades saying I CONDUCT THE ELECTRIC CITY etc etc. that could be a whole post. someone should make that

im thinking a lot about The Song and whose song it is and actually WHICH song it is. bc if you think about it... so we're introduced to the lalalalalalalaaaa and whatever song that is which builds in the epics. and that song incites a lot of action like orpheus (quite literally!) tuning out eurydice which causes her to choose to go to hadestown, and hades realizing what love is and whatever. but another song that is equally if not more catalytic is.... IF IT'S TRUE!!!! bc thats the song that sparks the revolution among the workers and gives orpheus hope that he almost lost after learning about eurydice's betrayal and inspires eurydice to fight for something instead of succumbing to her fate. and in wait for me reprise when eurydice is singing "echoing OUR song" "the falling of OUR feet" ... like they're not alone as just the two of them, the workers are coming too!! so which song is she referring to! what if it's actually "if it's true" and the hopes that orpheus has stirred up about what the world could be?

btw speaking of orpheus tuning out eurydice... im sure this point has been made 5476463979 times but its rly interesting to think about how love languages (for lack of a better way to put it, ik that can be kinda reductive) work in this show. eurydice and orpheus both attempt to address the storm but the ways they choose to do it are different / dont align: eurydice tries to manage the short term by searching for food and firewood, while orpheus works on the song that will bring spring back and stop this kind of disaster from happening again. but iirc they dont talk about how they're going to take these two different but equally important strategies — eurydice at least interprets the song as being unimportant and orpheus just... straight up seems unaware of the food / firewood thing also being important. so theres a communication failure and eurydice interprets the silence as abandonment (for good reason, also relatable) and turns her back (ha!) on orpheus. and then with hades and persephone... hades does all these big flashy power gestures to show his love for persephone but it's the exact opposite of what she wants and they dont see eye to eye about how to express their love for each other either. yeah

speaking of eurydice making that choice... like yeah. sigh. betrayal is such a huge thing in this show. trust and betrayal. eurydice was (kind of) leading orpheus through the immediate short term danger of the storm and she turned on him. and the fact that she did was part of the reason orpheus turned on her. they made their vows in promises that they would walk side by side but he couldnt get over it (partially bc they literally weren’t allowed to physically walk as they planned but still). and eurydice said "im right behind you and i have been all along" and its like no you havent been thats the entire plot of the show lol (again for understandable reasons but still!)

another thing im sure has been analyzed 456456984 times but its interesting to think about hermes watching everything playing out while knowing how it will end and not choosing to intervene. idk what that means and my laptop is running out of battery so im not going to dig into it but im just thinking on it. BUT ALSO THAT GOES FOR US AS THE AUDIENCE like so many ppl probably know how it ends and maybe some ppl are seeing it multiple times and its like... anyone could intervene and change the story (within reason ofc). also goes for the other ppl on stage too like the musicians etc. its just interesting to think about the implications of that and what would happen if someone tried it both "in character" and "out of character" i guess

its interesting to think about the role walls play in the show too. like the wall hades is making the workers build to keep out the "enemy" and keep them (him) powerful and prosperous in their (his) isolation vs the walls repeating the falling of feet, echoing songs... letting people know theyre not alone. and the fact that that doesnt happen in doubt comes in even though orpheus is being followed by a whole crowd basically. idk. fascinating

ok those are all of my thoughts i think! i also saw some interesting posts / takes that im going to rb again bc theyre on my mind as i interpret the show but i dont want to put them in this post bc theyre not my original thoughts. ty for reading if you did :~D this is a glorious new era in rumpunch nation im so glad and grateful that i can finally say ive seen this beautiful show!

#tess talks #hadestown

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mllebabushkat · 2 years

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☀️ Warrior Nun S2E8 🌙

FINALE IM NOT READY

oh?? reya hello there

protective!bea is so hot ugh

not at her Instantly going for vincent's throat

EUROTRASH JESUS— michael u legend bahahah

ava rising from her crown!coma in the back like she’s been possessed ahahhahahshs

the softness!! in avatrice's little exchange "are you alright?" "fine"

i have a pit in my stomach did you see/hear ava THIS GIRL has just accepted the inevitability and necessity of her self-sacrifice HASN'T SHE 😡😭

nooooo ava + michael my noble selfless babies :(((

hehe bea and superion ava protection squad <3

awwwweee my feels are soft and easily hurt all those goodbye moments :(((((((((((

AVA WRITING A FAREWELL LETTER TO BEA MY HEART- 😭😭

“sometimes the simple truth of being alive just…moves me” she has grown up So Much i'm so proud oh ava dearest 🥺

and superion :(( she doesn't really know but she Knows and she accepts what must happen much as it tears her apart

grumpy bea hahah i still don’t like that look on her

“you’re still a nun aren’t you? forgiveness is part of your job” -> ava sowing more seeds in bea's crisis of faith :")

michael to jillian: “i’ll see you again” um. ru sure sir

first that talking heads quote (she only learns from cam the best), and now “don’t fuck it up” YES QUEENNNNNNN SUPERION

legit my fave

oh lemme take a moment to say i LOVE the brutalist concrete set design this season !!!!!!! *kisses for the crew again*

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA michael cocking his eyebrow at the fbc guard when vincent calls them adriel's virgins 💀

yasmine <333333

"that is not in any way how that works" lmaoooo

also the LITTLE SMILE on her face as she says it bea is SO. WHIPPED adsghakldfk

they’re so stupiddddddddd ocs girlies why would u have ur reunion in the open whyyyyyyy

"sister warriors don’t run" have i mentioned i love yasmine

YES AVA PHASING PUNCH

“wow she’s incredible” “yes she is” THE SMILE ON HER FACE DID I MENTION BEA'S WHIPPED

YES cam reunited with her crossbow <3

yessss avatrice combo attack fave move!

no i don’t like the distrust between them :(((((((((((

the cross reflecting in avas eyes :((( oh no :(((

wait i can't help but to imagine yasmine might've had that one moment of doubt of what if ava turned on them

OK before we get to

That Scene

let it be known that this was actually such a beautiful moment, like much as the gifsets are gorgeous they do not do the magic of this scene any justice,, my heart is so full l;khsl;js;lhjssfd

alright, ✨AVATRICE✨

"Because things change when you realise not everything's about you" bea's words laid down right back at her feet ow my heart hurts

did my eyes start watering when the music started? obvs.

"They die so everyone else can live"

"I’m doing this so you can live your life. So live it, okay?"

"I won’t. I can’t." (what is my life without you?)

and you can see the infinite fondness in ava's eyes, you can see that she plans to kiss bea already when she steps forward

and she disarms her! (because of course bea had to make a last ditch effort to save ava from herself, and of course ava's grown enough to match her in combat)

and she kisses her !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

❤️

and of course it’s oh so tender

[Hymn for Her] has me in a CHOKEHOLD

the way the camera spins and the chorus swells like a revelation, like they've finally found home in each other 💖

bea's hand reaches out first and of course it's the Patented Avatrice ✨Face Caress✨

THE FOREHEAD KISS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

ava's teary smile, and bea returning it with a hint of a smile and a nod

"IN THE NEXT"

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOJDGDJDKSKAHSH

this music im cryign again 😭😭

we all agree we aren't normal about this scene right?????

bea is shell shocked, and ava’s heartbroken, but they both dutifully carry on in that deathly silence (*kisses for the sound designer*)

“we have no choice.” “we have a million choices…we’re both living on second chances anyway” 😭😭😭😭😭😭

there’s that parallel between ava and michael again (i love the two of them),

and there’s that great inevitable tragedy of all our heroes carrying a sacrifice they don’t deserve to be burdened with

i’m waxing poetic this episode and nobody can stop me

but the plot chugs ever onward so-

“semantics, huh? That’s what we’re betting our lives on?” “we’re betting our lives on faith.” “huh, even worse.” SPITTING FACTS atheist agenda ftw

ADRIEL A-POSING HAHAHA he looks so fucking awkward standing with his legs apart like that ajhahdhdjaha

ooooh an uneven cross window this setpiece is fantastic

NO LILITH

MICHAEL HIS HEART?????????

WHAT THE E FUCK

that’s goddamn brutal

holyyyyyyyy shittttttttttttttttt

THATS IT? HESDEAD? JUST LIKE THAT

??????

grudging respect to the writers for having the balls to put in such a cruel end

i still can’t tear my thoughts away buT

BEA HALLWAY FIGHT MY BELOVED

OH the waver in her voice 🥺 when

“you all stand between me and ava.” NO MORE PRETENCE this is HER girl in DANGER she’s gotta save her !!!!

“stay… and you’ll never walk again.” BRUTAL. LOVING this look on bea

wow wow wow ave maria melting into that 2WEI arrangement is gorgeoussssssssssssssss

that deep resonant bass hits SO good

btw i’m so proud of myself for instantly recognising a signature 2wei song without checking they really are the kings of epic soundtracks

YES BEA KICK ASSSSSSSSS you are a work of ART

a l s o yES YASMINE THE CROSS SHIV

“that’s your femoral artery” i LOve a nerdy badass <33

“oh you uNHoLy biTcH” AHDHFKALHDJDKD LMFAOOO YESSSS

wanna take a moment to acknowledge bea’s compassion when she tells yas keep safe, you’ve done enough.

yasmine my bby going “maybe I’ll just sit here and wait for a while” hahahahA BEST GIRLIE ILY

update up top: camilla my beloved still kicking ass <3

sigh alright back to the slaughter chamber

hmmmmmmmm backstory

what is adriel’s gripe with reya ? is it possible it’s actually valid??? i need to know M O R E

alright adriel’s distracted thx for the mindfuck cam mwah x

OK AVA LESGO

yes stab his little bitch ass,, love that sword toss + phasing move gO STYLE ON HIM

fuck lilith uP

adriel is an airbender ?????

oh but the shot of michael’s lifeless heart :(((( i didn’t need to see him like this again :(( i’m really gonna miss him rest in peace my boy :(((((

BEA-

OH SHIT THE BOMB And the

divinium shrapnel-

“wait just let me rest for a little bit okay” WAIT NO SHE’S DYING

AND ADRIEL LIVES NO NOT THE EVIL LAUGH NOT THE VIOLIN CADENZA—

(side note love the shot of adriel limping then walking as his foot horrifyingly twists back to normal)

“i cannot be killed in this realm” fucking semantics didn’t pull through in the end :(((

bUT CAM WITH THE CLUTCH

OH AND ava’s been fighting without the halo this whole time???? what a BAMF

TARASKSSSSSSSSSSS WOW never did i think they’d save the day no i lie. semantics saved the day

HAHAHAHAHAHAA TEAR THE BITCH APART insert kill bill meme

ok but did they actually kill him this time (if so DING DONG THE WITCH IS DEAD)

reya to the rescue..! that *nod*

ah, birdsong. they’ll be alright up top :)

ALAS

ava’s still dying

and they’re cradling again

and surely these are their final moments together

“Why are you always trying to save me?” (she loves you)

“Let me go”

“Be free” (remember this exchange from last time?)

“I love you” (you knew that)

“I love you” (you didn’t hear)

see you, ava

:”(

lilith, still “i really hope we end up on the same side”, and then she’s gone too

and there’s nothing left except for the music to ramp up, and the arc to power down, and her to sit at its base,

alone

and it finally hits her, she’s lost, it’s over

bea 🥺 darling

:((

…

but post credits????!!!

post-ocs!bea is Yet Another Vibe

ugh when i have the energy i’ll make another rant about the significance of her looks this season

sister dora arms! cute hair~

of course, the montage and the cast sendoffs as bea walks out but she looks happy, free

a final farewell, but only for now <3

and the sword glow????

AND THAT’S IT

extra shoutout to [Always Forever] the lofi credits, istg the ost this season SLAPS

but yeah, holy shit, it really is over. that’s it, that’s all of season 2 huh (i’m hoping so hard for a season 3 and more). damn this was a good ride. so many new memories to treasure. so many more thoughts yet to be articulated. but all that for later,

in the next x

#warrior nun #wn #warrior nun season 2 #avatrice #thanks for coming along <3 #i have nothing but love and respect for this series and its cast and crew and fandom #babushkat rambles #babushkat watches warrior nun

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hoarsedevours · 2 years

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wowwww this shit's insane. i can't believe I have so many emotions for this drama. i want to run and bounce. I want to swim in the sea. I want to do a pirouette. I want to text all my loved ones that i love them. i want to resume journaling. i want to hit all the gongs that exist on planet earth. i want to scream and shout then roll in the fields!!!! aufgshfdhgsf 2521 is a masterpiece!!! mannn....

i know that was going to happen! heedo's mom is very....maybe she doesn't have a backbone....maybe she is very "i am just doing my job"...oh my god the parallelism between heedo and her coach and how ms. shin hurt them in tha name of "journalism"🤡 (missmaam u can just abstain ig like the judges who wouldn't judge if someone they're close to has a case) all i know is that not all mothers should be mothers....

god and the way how people who are not blood-related to heedo are the ones supporting her. her mom doesn't have an excuse, really. when we have a similar reporter yi jin sleeping overnight in a hotel lobby waiting for the referee to pass and when that didn't work out he chased the ref and does an extra shit just to have a statement of clarification.... and then we have random old men cheering her up, saying things that completely resonated with her soul............i know that feeling of being seen by strangers. a sort of catharsis that someone does understand

i love how the writers showed the 2 sides after the competition. because i've always been curious about the losing party. how did they cope? what are their thoughts and feelings. i feel for heedo but at the same, i also feel for yurim? does that make sense? yurim's a very what i like to call a very "asian woman" almost all of the things she does are for her family. family is everything. she's been doing it for as long as she can remember that she now forgot what are the things she does because she herself loves it and what is for her family....they get it (girl probably bcs they're asian as well?) her father comforting her.....oh my god......i haveeee.....

i shed tears again. every damn episode. i swear. first time for a kdrama and i've been watching kdrama for years. like princess hours era long? well if u count meteor garden taiwanese version as kdrama then also that? (lol) or maybe u can also say that i haven't watched as many dramas as i can in those years. but like personally, this drama touches my feels in so many wayssss....ugh

and of course...not to forget the thing that got me giggling is the possibility that yijin is heedo's husband and min chae's father. he was just fucking quarantined that's why ms. shin told heedo that she "saw him last month" and ofc heedo misses her husband. gorl duh. man i love this possible reality. because...i know...i know...first loves not ending up with each other is a normal occurrence (according to my research lol) i've seen it happen in the people i know personally and read and hear in media....but 2521 is a story of hope...u know....among other things...but like hope is the main theme and believing in each other. of hopes and dreams and wishes and believing. like sis please give it to us alreadyyy 😭sis i'm begging u... i didn't watch this drama for angst...i mean shitttt fuck i actually watched this for angst💀 (hello at the gifset that have yijin saying "you have to be in love for a break up to be sad, you idiot" but i have the assumption that it's an "angst with happy ending" goddddd😭😭😭

ok i actually replayed episode 5 an unhealthy amount of times to analyze the interaction between heedo's mom and min chae. and min chae's giving me the vibes of knowing something but refusing to say it for some reason. her expression when she said "tell me about baek yijin" looks like fishing for something that she already knows 👀i meannnn her eyes are avoiding and assessing her grandma's👀 yeas but i am very biased so of course, none of this theory is with valid support

#you would come #what do you think?#spoilers under cut #oh my god i was soooo sleepy while waiting for ep. 7 yet here i am typing on tumblr dot com very much awake like i've just snorted coke #ahhhhhhhhhhahahhahhhhhahhha #anyway not much lesbian interactions in this one maybe next time xD #i drank straight from the bottle when i was in school---yes uncle literally sameeee lolllll #i cried when heedo's demonstrating to yijin how fast she is compared to yurim. idew. maybe the fact that yijin indulged her #the scene in which heedo answered to yijin when he asked THE TRUST AND CONFIDENCE?! LORD PLEASEEEE #remarkable. spectacular. heartwarming. amazing #i also cried when she won and go played fuckkk #when she looked at yijin after she won #when her own mother reported the controversies surrounding her win #when she ran away and ate in a restaurant. was that ramen? girl same. but i usually do it after drinking. clears the head so the pain will #begin again lollll #2521 #twenty five twenty one #kovershares

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canary3d-obsessed · 4 years

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Restless Rewatch: The Untamed Ep 17 part one

(Masterpost of all the rewatches) (Canary’s pinboard of original content)

Warning: Spoilers for All 50 Episodes!

Inaccessible

Wei Wuxian hides in a boat among the lotuses next to a pier in Lotus Pier, the second-most-literally-named home in the show, after The Burial Mounds. This pier has a railing that goes all the way around it, without any ladders or anything. Not to be ADA on main but this means if you can't Jedi jump, you're fucked.

Hefeng Liquor

While Wei Wuxian waits and tries, not very successfully, to keep his shit together, he hears the guards talking about the local booze that they're going to drink at their murder victory party. We learn, in a desaturated flashback (that OP has done her best to resaturate), that this is lotus-infused wine invented by Wei Wuxian during happier days.

He kicks the flashback off with his favorite activity, Unnecessarily Erotic Beverage Drinking. (gifset) I’ve slowed this gif down so we can all appreciate the unnecessariness. The way his hand caresses that leaf OMG

Hopefully he is not drinking lake water out of that leaf. Side note: How is it possible that Xiao Zhan doesn't have a drinking water endorsement deal? I had to resort to Zhu Yilong's brand of water for this gag. I figure if it's good enough to pour directly onto a lightning burn like they do in The Lost Tomb Reboot, it's good enough for a leaf hummer chastely drinking out of a leaf

(more behind the cut!)

In his memory, Jiang Cheng tells him to stop fucking around and come help with the basket of lotus pods. Wei Wuxian responds by grabbing one for himself and then sitting his ass down and not helping. Cause he’s a motherfucking P.I.M.P.

Emotional Rescue

Wen Ning arrives on the pier with Jiang Chang, to Wei Wuxian's extreme relief. Look how much emotion Xiao Zhan is able to convey even with half of his face hidden, my lord.

Wen Ning carries Jiang Cheng on his back, in an echo of other significant piggyback rides in Wei Wuxian's life.

Wei Wuxian's relief is at war with his fear, seeing his brother in such bad shape. Remember, these are cultivators, who heal quickly and mostly don't get their asses beat this hard. The only time Wei Wuxian has been comatose was after the Xuanwu cave, and that was probably because of his prolonged contact with resentful energy/Yin iron.

Hibernating Zidian

Wen Ning gets ready for his first, but not his last, boat ride with an unconscious Yunmeng brother in it. He tells Wei Wuxian that Jiang Cheng is pretty fucked up but isn't dead.

Then he gives Zidian to him. Before we talk about Zidian, let's talk about BAMF Wen Ning. Wen Ning is an awkward goofball. He’s also insanely competent at just about everything--wine-drugging, dude-smuggling, corpse retrieval, dog acupuncture, drug pushing. As well as shooting rocks out of the air and, later, beating zombie ass, and resisting mind control. .

This is the foundation of their friendship; it’s not actually about Wei Wuxian being nice to the weird kid. He initially sought Wen Ning out for the same reason he sought out weird kid Lan Wangji--his martial skill. He accepts his weirdness and is protective of him because of his missing-spirit problem, but he did not befriend him out of altruism.

Wei Wuxian is so forgiving that he can smile fondly when looking at the weapon that whipped the shit out of him a couple of days ago.

Wei Wuxian puts Zidian down right next to Jiang Cheng's hand and...nothing happens. It doesn't recognize him or spark to life. This didn't seem meaningful when I watched it the first time, but rewatching...yikes. It KNOWS.

Wei Wuxian admits, with tears in his eyes, that there is nowhere safe for him to go with Jiang Cheng, and Wen Ning immediately offers care and shelter. Even though that is putting his own life at serious risk.

Life obligation is a common theme in CDramas. It’s often something a person chooses as a way of showing love. Guardian builds an eternal romance out of two people saving each other’s lives over and over. But accepting the obligation is a choice (in fantasy dramas, if not in real life). Love and Redemption has a gloriously harsh sequence where a life is saved, and the save-ee cooly rejects the saver.

Every time Wen Ning saves Wei Wuxian, he cites that one time that Wei Wuxian saved him from the water demon. And Wei Wuxian cites this rescue right here when he throws everything away to save Wen Ning. Meanwhile, Jiang Cheng doesn't acknowledge any debt to Wen Ning at all, only--grudgingly--to Wen Qing. And people are ok with that.

Basically all this is to say that I think Wen Ning leans into this life debt because he loves Wei Wuxian, and Wei Wuxian leans into it because he loves him back. Non-romantically, I think...at least on Wei Wuxian’s part. YMMV.

They go to pick up Yanli from their Granny, telling her to go into hiding. She starts to cry, not knowing how she'll manage on her own. Wei Wuxian tells her that they will come back, as Wen Ning looks super unsure about that.

Of course Wei Wuxian can't know, at this point, whether they will come back. Wei Wuxian always wants to make everybody feel better, and sometimes you really can't make someone feel better except by lying. He compulsively says shit that he thinks people want to hear, almost as if he was beaten frequently and arbitrarily as a child.

Wen Ning is doing his best for the recreational boat ride industry, as he rows the Yunmeng trio through some amazingly beautiful scenery.

Core Melting Time

Meanwhile, back at Lotus Pier The Yunmeng Supervisory Office, Wen Chao is hung over, Wen Chao is angry, Yawn

For some reason, Wang Lingjiao has suddenly decided to talk to Wen Chao in the most cloying and annoying way possible.

Also, the fact that she still addresses him as Gongzi when she is totally fucking him is kind of great. This is like those fics where Elizabeth Bennet calls Mr. Darcy "Mr. Darcy" even when they're married and hitting it.

Wen Zhuliu demonstrates why he's called Core-Melting Hand, by punishing the wine guard. He's able to melt a guy's core by grabbing him by the throat, and also picks him up, Darth Vader style, for extra meltyness.

All that stuff I said last time about Wen Zhuliu feeling ambivalent about being a villian...yeah, he seems to have gotten that right out of his system.

Chilling in Yiling

Wen Ning is doing his best for the recreational carriage ride industry. Wei Wuxian, after presumably several hours in the cart, decides that now is a good time to get curious about where they are going.

Here we start to see a new side of Wei Wuxian. Before this he was carefree, other than specific worries about his friends. He confronted danger with lightness and humor, or with temporary fear, that he let go of once the danger passed. Now, after all the deaths and seeing Jiang Cheng so injured, he's twitchy, anxious, and angry.

Very, very angry.

When he realizes that Wen Ning has brought them to the Yiling supervisory office, he goes off, demanding to know whose home this was before the Wens took it and grabbing Wen Ning and shoving him into a decorative...decoration. He thinks Wen Ning brought them here to harm them.

I wouldn't have thought such a pretty dude could be so menacing, but holy crap.

The way he's confronting Wen Ning here is not his normal style. He's not trying to provoke a bigger fight like he usually does; he's not trying to create distance, the way Jiang Cheng does. He's very intimate, getting right in his face and maintaining eye contact. He trusted Wen Ning and feels personally betrayed.

Shy little Wen Ning is remarkably calm when confronted like this. Wen Ning really isn’t afraid of anything, despite his general air of nervousness. (Full gifset of Angry WWX over here.)

He calmly and kindly explains the situation. He doesn't appeal to Wei Wuxian's trust, saying "oh I would never;" he appeals to his logic, which gets through to him.

Wen Qing comes out and the guards start banging on the door and Wei Wuxian flips out again, grabbing a sword and pointing it at Wen Qing as she decides what to do. Wen Qing seems unruffled by Wei Wuxian's sword pointing, and we see her weighing up the situation.

She makes her decision, sending the guards away and deciding to help the fugitives, officially joining the Clear Conscience Club. She could probably get Wen Ning out of trouble by turning them in, but she opts to put personal loyalty and her belief in her own ideals ahead of her family's safety.

Wei Wuxian is not ok. He’s just not ok. He tries to act like it after they get settled in with Wen Qing, but he's not, and I think that plays into his next several choices.

Next comes a whole sequence of Jiang Cheng being unconscious with pins in his head--ow--while Wei Wuxian twitchily tends to him.

This sequence is kind of unfair to Jiang Yanli. What matters to the story here is Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian's relationship, so that’s the focus of these scenes. But really, there is no way Jiang Yanli would not be at Jiang Cheng's side unless she was literally unconscious herself. Let's assume Wen Qing stuck a needle in her to make her rest while she has a fever. Shippers should also feel free to assume that Wen Qing spent hours at her bedside, tenderly wiping her forehead and holding her hand as she recovered. In his sleep, while Wei Wuxian sits by his side, Jiang Cheng calls for his sister, mother, and father, but not for his brother. Ouch.

Let's pause to appreciate Wei Wuxian's new outfit, which is the sort of getup most people in this society probably imagine Yiling Laozu wearing, rather than the low-key homespun stuff he actually spends his Yiling year in. This robe has fancy shoulders, shiny material, touches of Jiang purple, strange red hoody strings, and a fuckin' CAPE. He didn't bring any luggage with him from Lotus Pier, although he's still got his Yin Turtle Sword hidden in a bag of holding. So the most likely explanation is that Wen Ning hooked him up with this lewk. "Wei Wuxian is a nice person. He should have a magnificent cape."

Wen Wing and Wei Wuxian take a breather to stand on the porch and work out what their status is with each other, like a couple of fucking adults, which is amazing. Basically Wei Wuxian is ready to forget earlier Wen shenanigans, but is going to avenge Lotus Pier.

Wen Qing isn't enthusiastic about that but doesn't argue, just asking, mostly rhetorically, if he plans to kill her too. He's uncomfortable considering that; the role of avenger isn't one that's comfortable for him, although he turns out to be extremely good at it. He does not, of course, plan to kill her too. In a few months, imprisoned in a Wen dungeon, she will be the only Wen left alive after Wei Wuxian 1.5(No-Gold Edition) and Chenqing come to visit.

Jiang Cheng finally wakes up, and the first thing he does is to test out his spiritual power by hitting Wei Wuxian as hard as he can.

DUDE.

Look at Wei Wuxian's face, as he goes from happy, to shocked and hurt, to laughing it off. It's exactly like when Jiang Cheng shoved him in the Rock Lady temple. Has Wei Wuxian spent all of his years with Jiang Cheng going from affection, to hurt feelings, to pretending it's fine? God, I think he probably has.

This episode raises a question that will come up again later, but never be answered. That question is, what the fuck are these weird footies and why the fuck does Jiang Cheng wear them to bed?

Jiang Cheng reveals that his golden core is gone, that he can't cultivate any more, which means he can't avenge his parents or achieve any ambitions in life. Nobody has apparently given any thought to why Wen Zhuliu is called "Core-Melting Hand" before this, which is hilarious, frankly. If I fought with a guy called, for example, Brain-Eating Mouth, I think I would make certain assumptions about him and what he planned to do with my brain.

Something interesting is happening in this moment, because as he comes fully back to consciousness, Jiang Cheng pours out all of his trauma and horror to his brother, telling him about the core melting and practically wailing about his feelings over it all. And his brother understands, and ultimately finds a way to help him. What does Wei Wuxian do after his own trauma? Keeps it secret, so nobody finds a way to help him, although many people try to. So Jiang Cheng is, in this way at least...emotionally healthier than Wei Wuxian? That's unexpected.

Jiang Cheng is super upset and is mad at eternal scapegoat Wei Wuxian for saving him. Jiang Cheng would rather be dead than be a regular person. Whereas Wei Wuxian, faced with the same problem, is like, *shrug* I’ll adapt. These are both valid emotional responses to suddenly becoming disabled. Losing a golden core is definitely a disability, in this environment; it's not just about magic sword fights. Jiang Cheng's home is designed for people who can fly; Lan Wangji's home is designed for people who don't feel cold, and Wen Central is made of actual lava, for example.

Jiang Cheng is already struggling with a lot of difficulties. He was raised by shitty parents, he's got anger management issues, he has a crushing weight of responsibility. And now he's also lived through the deaths of most of the people who matter to him. If sword cultivation is the one thing that gives him joy in life (ok one of two things, obviously fashion also gives him joy because he WORKS it), he can't reasonably be expected to rally when it's taken away.

Oh, honey. Oh, baby boy.

Wen Qing picks the worst moment to come in and tries to tend to Jiang Cheng, who starts off being devastated that the girl he likes is seeing the wreck he's become, and then moves along to helpless rage when he remembers that she's a Wen, and he screams at her to get out.

Jiang Cheng is not able to put personal loyalty ahead of clan loyalty like Wei Wuxian is. Partly this is his nature, and partly it's his role as the lineal descendant of the clan leader. As a firstborn son of a gentry family, his destiny as clan leader is in his blood, and so is his responsibility to the clan. When Wei Wuxian praises Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen for caring less about bloodlines than about shared ambition, he is speaking from the position of someone who's bloodline ain't shit. Jiang Cheng will never be able to share that perspective.

Next: More of this excruciating episode!

Writing prompt: The Day I Discovered I Could Melt Your Fucking Core, by Wen Zhuliu Drabble prompt: Why I Wear Socks to Bed, by Jiang Cheng

#fytheuntamed #the untamed #the untamed gifs #wei wuxian #jiang cheng #wen qing #wen ning #restless rewatch the untamed #canary3d-original #my gifs #the untamed spoilers

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noahreids · 3 years

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lana I recently rewatched the last season of schitt's creek and it hit me all over again AND you just posted a ted/alexis gifset that made me wanna sob into my hands because I love them. so! what are you alexis headcanons post-finale?

Amy!! <333 I am so sorry this took me so long to reply, though at least it should give you some comfort to know I haven’t changed one bit. Ha. It makes me so happy to hear you’ve rewatched season 6... it plays on a permanent loop in my heart. (Tho I’m sorry for the Ted/Alexis tears!) I’ve read some truly wonderful Ted/Alexis post-finale fics that do way better justice than me but... Mmm...

- I think it takes some time.

- I think Alexis goes off to New York, and just shines brighter than ever before. She’s confident, and grows her business and does not look back.

- Ok, so maybe she still follows Ted on instagram and sometimes her fingers itch to send a message but instead she drops a like and tosses her phone off to the side of a deep breath. But, he really did look happy with that turtle on the beach and so— she’s happy.

- I think she dates, and she has fun, and she’s happy. She helps with Moira’s Emmy campaign, and when the Apothecary expands, she helps with the social media blitz and grand opening. She comes back to Schitt’s Creek often, where she can take a deep breath and relax. She loves staying at David and Patrick’s cottage. While she’s there, sometimes she stays home and works out of Patrick’s office, or on their back patio. Sometimes she hangs out a Rose Apothecary, just to drive David crazy and smile across the store at Patrick.

- She often walks by Ted’s old vet clinic. Sometimes alone, sometimes with David, usually her heart beats a little faster and she lets David give her shoulders a little squeeze.

- But I also think, a few years after their goodbyes, when Alexis is in town for the holidays, and her and David are making their way over to the cafe. There’s a fresh snowfall and she’s taunting David with a snowball and he is demanding that she immediately drop it, but where is the fun in that? She lets the ball fly, and David in a surprisingly agile move, ducks— the snowball hits someone coming out of the cafe square in the chest.

- “SNOW-way! Alexis?!”

- And her heart? It’s beating really fast. She would know that voice and those puns, and god, that smile anywhere.

- Ted is home for the holidays, home from his study abroad, home to figure out what the hell he’s going to do next.

- And maybe Alexis has been looking for a small change too, maybe now that she’s established she has more freedom where she can work, and more time to figure it out.

- And maybe David’s disappeared and Ted and Alexis go on a long walk, and catch up and make plans for tomorrow, and the day after that, and the one after that. Maybe?

- And her heart? It never stops racing.

#AMY I MISS YOU ALWAYS #DO YOU HAVE ANY POST-FINALE HEAD CANONS?#IDEK what i'm doing #hope this helped the tears tho???#ted x alexis #schitt's creek #<3333 #piratesails

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teamsarawatshusband · 3 years

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Word Of Honor - 1st watch insta thoughts - Episode 1

K, before I get started, here's what I know about "Word of Honor" prior to watching it, based on random unexplained gifsets on my dash: Not much tbh. I know there's this one guy that is a bit more tanned and has a beard. And there's some smirky guy. No idea what else he does, but he seems important. There's also swords cutting fabric, i'm thinking sleeves, because cut-sleeve? Way to be subtle. Oh, and there's two girl assassins. I have no idea who they kill or what their motives are. But they look fierce. That's literally all. Oh, and it's on my dash so much that I just HAVE TO assume it's BL. Because... my dash has tendencies.

Okay, here we go.

Episode 1

I'm skipping the intro, because I don't wanna be spoilered.

Oh, somebody explains the background story. That's nice. I have no idea, because the subtitles are going by so fast, but something about 5 lakes and an armory which is like a treasure. K, Glazed armor is important for... whatever reason.

Wow, they have nice trees.

Ninja people on roofs. Magic lanterns. Oh no, they broke the paper windows :( Lots of fighting. Why on earth are they going back and forth between fast movements and slow-mo? That looks so weird. Ah, yes, fighting on rooftops. I've seen better. Just saying. Probably gonna make so many enemies saying that. Oh, already the first fabric cutting. Was it a sleeve?

K, so the one guy is the leader of the window of heaven, whatever that is. And people are shocked to see him. Is he a good guy or a bad guy?

He looks sad. Does he even wanna be there? Oh, he's helping the bad guys? Is he our tragic hero? Now I didn't catch his name.

Oh, girl, there is no way you sat down alone in that room and your robe fell all pretty around you like that.

She brought back somebody's body to tragic hero roof guy. And now he wants her to kill herself. This makes no sense, wth. And she actually goes and drinks the poison. Hm, and now they're talking about the dead guy, so he must have been important too. He's burried at the Four Seasons.... Hotel? Probably not hotel, I didn't catch that right, I guess.

She has some wooded thing in her hand.

Oh, flashback to a pretty guy carving it. Is he the dead guy?

And the other guy in the flashback is tragic hero guy, just younger. Are they the lovers??? :O Wait, was the dead guy in love with poison girl?

Tragic hero guy is visiting some older guy at some place. Ah it's four seasons MANOR. Ok. And tragic hero guy is some sort of lord. WTH is this window of heaven thing? Is it like a magical place? Is tragic hero lord poisoned or something? Oh, and the old guy is kinda pissed at him for some reason, they don't say why. He wants his nails done or something. That's... probably not right.

Eww, no, he wants nails stuck into him. And they’re not nails, they’re actually screws, but okay. Anyway, weird. I really don't get it. Were they friends before? But then why does the old guy not wanna serve tragic hero lord guy anymore? And why is tragic hero lord guy going around dooming everybody to die?

K, so the nails make you lose your senses and mind and then kill you after 3 years. Got it. I like how they give little explanations in between the story.

Everybody's dead except for tragic hero lord guy. Is he staying alive to suffer on purpose or something?

Some palace, looks a bit like Koi Tower to me. Some guys talking about somebody spitting blood. Tragic hero lord guy maybe? (who else is left alive anyway?)

:O He's got the nails himself? WHY??? Ok, he's definitely a masochist. Who on earth puts nails in sloooooowly in order to not lose all their senses at once?!

Wait who's the mirror guy? Was that pretty flashback guy? Seems like it. (Sorry, I'm faceblind - not even joking, I really am and utterly bad at recognizing people) Oh no, and now tragic hero lord guy is crying. We're only in episode 1... why are there tears already?

And why are they all talking about 7 nails, and he only has 6 nails showing. Where on earth did he put the 7th nail? Do I even wanna know?

It's constantly snowing in the outdoor scenes, that must have been annoying. At least all the extras get to wear hats or helmets.

Okay, tragic hero guy goes to the palace. Talks to the... guy there. Whoever he is. Ooh. Tragic hero lord guy is getting naked. In front of... ah just to show off the nails. And palace guy is shocked. Oh, tragic hero lord guy gave himself ONLY SIX nails. K, no search party needed, whew. And now palace guy is super pissed. Because he... doesn't want him to die? So... he threatens to kill him? What?

Does tragic hero lord guy want to be killed right away or want to be given that 7th nail? I don't understand. Also, side note, what's up with those other scars that he has?

Now that other random side guy gets promoted and gets to take tragic hero lord guy's job. Did tragic hero lord guy get the 7th nail or not? What? None of this makes any sense.

Oh, it stopped snowing.

And he went... somewhere.

And is doing arts and crafts.

Oh, he's putting on a mask. Wait, is he the tanned beard guy? :O Oh. But why? He’s going into hiding?

Whoa, those statue mountains look AWESOME. 10/10 for scenery!

Wait, who are all those people fighting now? Some red guys with masks. And they're falling off the edge like lemmings. And some giggly guy on wires.

He's a ghost? What? And he stole something.

If he's a ghost, why is he bleeding?

WHOAH, what a cool film set with the stone statues holding up the stone ceiling. Is this a cave? or just a valley? Is this some magical place? Anyway 10/10 again!

Some guy playing with nuts. Hehe.

And lots of people with lots of make-up. Ah, more ghosts, okay. Why is nut guy in red not showing his face to the camera?

Oh, they're talking about glazed armor again. Like in the intro story. Did they steal it? Who are the ten devils? Are they all ghosts? I'm so confused.

Okay, new location.

Wait, did they film this at The Untamed's Caiyi Town? :o Sure looks just like it.

(not my gif, I googled and found this on @elvencantation’s tumblr.)

Ok, tanned tragic hero lord guy is an alcoholic. Seems faintly familiar.

Oh, and there's smirky guy that I know from the gifs on my dash. With a very prejudiced and talkative purple girl.

Everybody who's wearing white also carries a fan. Both smirky guy and the kid that just walked in. Who is he?

Ooooh, purple girl can fly jump. Is she a cultivator? ARE there cultivators in this series? So far, nobody has flown on any swords.

And how did smirky fan guy know that tanned tragic hero lord guy is not a beggar? Does he know him? Does he recognize him? I bet he gets a kick out of being so mysterious.

Oh no, purple girl broke the rice sack. What a waste. :( And now she kicked tanned tragic hero lord guy right into the salad bar.

At least the kid is trying to stop her. Yeah, somebody has to. Ooooh, she's got a whip. Niiiiiiice! But now she BROKE the salad bar, that is just WRONG!

Ok, so... if alcoholic tanned tragic hero lord guy made that mask in order to go into hiding, he maaaaybe shouldn't be fighting so well in front of EVERYBODY to see. Just saying. :O Somebody stopped the whip before it hit alcoholic tanned tragic hero lord guy.

Oh, end of episode. Ok. So what have I learned? I still don't know who is who. Or why they do the things they do. I don't know how they're connected either. Hmm. But I wanna know who stopped the whip. Probably smirky guy, I guess. But, in any case, the last shot makes me wanna continue watching. Cheap trick, but it works. Yes, definitely gonna keep watching!

#word of honor #1st watch insta thoughts #word of honor ep 01

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raisinghellonstarbug · 3 years

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Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 8 (ish) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome work!

Ok so I have a backlog of tag games lol that I need to complete omg so my apologies if I trash your timelines with these haha it’ll be a few more after this one! Also thank you to @spneveryseason for tagging me in this <33 It’s fun to do these when I remember to do them!

(Incidentally pretty much all the things apart from one I created in 2020 are of Sastiel lol)

1. Electric Indigo - Sastiel AU fanfic set in modern day New York and nightclubs where Castiel is a writer and he and Sam fall in love at first sight.

2. Stanford (You Touch my Inner Smile) - a Sastiel one word prompt fic that stems from my fanfic novella The Wilhelm Scream that’s current in the works

3. Reunion Comfort - another prompt fic imagining my own version where Sam and Cas got to actually express more than they did how they missed one another in episode 15.07 (Last Call)

4. Sam edit for my upcoming Sastiel au fanfic novella, Straight Back Down to Earth - coincided with lyrics from Tears For Fears’ song Everybody Wants to Rule the World

5. Electric Indigo posters - movie style kind of posters made to promote the fanfic

6. My first official Sastiel gifset - a gifset of their various hugs and touches which I absolutely adored making

7. Sastiel fanvid - a video edit of Sam and Castiel alongside John Mayer’s song Heartbreak Warfare (took me weeks to make it but also am really proud of it!)

8. Original photography set - I don’t know if this counts but I guess it’s a form of art. These are nature photos I took back in August with my Canon DSLR.

#sastiel #sastiel edits #sastiel fanfiction #everything sastiel #samcas #sam x castiel #oops i guess they're my otp lol #tag game #personal post #my works #photography #raisinghellonstarbug

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klausbens · 4 years

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thoughts of mine self on episode 2x02 of tua you know the drill

as soon as i saw aj i remembered how that fish ends up in the comics and i cackled i just want him to have the same end but i doubt he will and it makes me sad

see it’s these scenes i don’t get, the ones were lila and diego are so close they’re almost kissing and diego literally leans in to kiss her and i’m like? what was the need you were doing something please focus p le a s the undone fly one was funny but like the one in the first episode... i have no clue

i have to think the bit where lila breaks the car window and diego tells her uh you knew the other was down right is a parallel to when diego literally shattered a door that was already open and it cracks me up at least they’re the same brand of lunatic

“who’s diego?” “imagine batman. then aim lower” WHY IS FIVE THE FUNNIEST BITCH ALVIENGERKJGEJKSRG

i was goin through the ep to make this post and it was the scene where five convinces diego to go with him but he said “i’m not going anywhere with you” and then i skipped some parts and the next phrase i heard was “fine. i’ll go with you” and i don’t know why but i am in tears

i’d already heard about klaus using song lyrics as sermons to his followers but when he actually went don’t go chasing waterfalls i lost it

“ARE YOU OR ARE YOU NOT AN ENEMY OF THE PEOPLE” “well that’s such an open-ended question” “it really depends on the people”

i already made a gifset of it and i think it’s still my favourite scene of the season so far but i really really loved to bits luther and vanya’s scene. i’m so glad luther got the chance to say sorry and to really show how much he regrets the things he did, and to explain that he thought what was doing was the best thing he could do but knows now it was probably the worst and i ): i really hope people stop blindly hating on him i love him so much and vanya you tiny baby i will cherish you till my dying breath

THE SWEDES ARE SO FUNNYGRHTGR god i don’t know what it is about them but they’re just so absurd even more so than hazel and chacha there’s something so funny about them just. killing that lady but sparing the cats and one of them just cooking in his underwears with a little apron on while the others play at? stabbing each other? i’m

did i ever mention how much i love the way five says diego it’s just. the way he puts special emphasis on the first two letters is so endearing to me

the scene between diego and lila in the closet was so soft and cute and lila saying “like yogurt. how did it know how to stop being milk?” is perhaps the most adorable sentence i’ve ever heard. i still don’t trust her for a second but she’s a good character

vanya and sissy’s scene with the hands was sweet it’s not like their scenes aren’t it’s just i can’t ever seem to fully get invested in relationships in these series so like. cute but not life-changing (to me)

ok so this is probably on scriptwriting but there’s a scene earlier on where five tells diego “i was alone for 45 years” and then when they go to d.s. umbrella diego tells him how long it’s been since he last saw reginald and of course the answer is 45 years but like. were you ever listening at all. NGJERNGJKSERGKE i know you have a smole brain and none of you ever listens but please Try

i love how five was like (: let’s let him try his best ! and when diego didn’t succeed in lockpicking the door ONLY THEN did he open it himselfgngrjtnksg

the scene with five and pogo was another one of my absolute favourites so far because it’s so rare that we get to see five smiling in a genuine way and he was so. happy to see pogo and the way he would’ve pet him if pogo had let him makes me want to cry for real

#tua #the umbrella academy #tua2 spoilers #tua spoilers

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bucksbisexual · 4 years

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so....... i watched ep6 since apparently i like pain now and oh my fucking GOD

first of all, INKORN!!!!! FINALLY!!!!!!!

but also, INKORN TTTTTTT_TTTTTTT

TEARS PEOPLE. T EA R S

okay let me start from the beginning because what an episode yall

so . we start with a flashback and it was cute ! if only the last one was too HAHAHAHAHimcrying

team being like “hm...... manaow and del are really close lately......... Are They........” after i literally said it out loud was the biggest shared braincell moment i’ve ever had in my life and mind u i have a big sister who i’m very close with lmaO

(also, women are gay too pharm smh)

win being a little bitch with his I’m An Adult Bitch You Can’t Tell Me Shit to team god i love him sjfhksjf

DEAN HOLDING PHARM’S HAND AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

pharm just going into cardiac arrest after dean interlocks their fingers is the biggest mood ever

also manaow baby that’s- that’s not how you check if someone is sick JKSHFSJHS

“don’t forget to eat your lunch” “don’t forget to swallow it too” “beware of choking” THEY REALLY- FHSKGFSLJJFKS

yes i went back to the episode to write that i have no memory whatsoever

i was so scared when dean had his flashback while driving like i was praying to every god in existence for him to not crash,,,, the flashback was cute though

that tear though........ that shit Hurt

but korn saying “like” !!!!!!! half of my brain was like “HE!!!!! LIKES!!!!!! HIM!!!!!!!!” and the other half was just “omg like ram” lmao

pharm calling manaow beautiful ;; yes she is she’s the most beautiful girl ever i love her with my whole heart

that mf guy who doesn’t know the meaning of no can CHOKE (also i heard the actor’s problematic or sumn???? so fuck him too bYe)

thankfully pharm is That bitch and shut him up not once not twice but a shit ton of times in like,,,, less 2 minutes

that’s my mans man hell yeah

apparently everyone in dean’s faculty knows pharm?????? lmaoooooo but when those 2 (and later 3) tried to flirt with him i was like???????? get tf out?????????? out here abusing of pharm’s niceness smh

thankfully dean came to the rescue jsfhsk

bro when pharm picked a thread and it led to dean i was like....... oh my God they actually did that

the FORESHADOWING bro

also that kiss scene......................... perfect i loved it even though i hate their outfits so much but i can get over it if it gives us this amazing scene

dean just ;; being patient with pharm and asking if he’s okay and just asking him until he gives oral (is it vocal? girl idk) answers to the questions he makes just to be sure ;;

god why can’t men be like dean why do u have to be Assholes smh

AND THE RED THREAD!!!!! BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!

dean making pharm wear his jacket sjfhksj u couldn’t be more territorial bro literally (and apparently) everyone knows you’re into each other theres truly no need jfshkf

“if it doesn’t invade our privacy too much, i think it’s okay. also, i think it’s a good way to let that person know that he shouldn’t mess with someone who isn’t single”

first of all, DEAN U ABSOLUTE SWEETHEART

second of all, the shadeeeeeeeeee lmao yes bitch drag his ass

and last, SKJLFHGLJKHSLKHKSJG

thank u for listening to my tedtalk

i will repeat myself, why can’t all men be like dean

also, a bonus: i of course went to the episode to get the dialogue and i saw the name lemon lemon and i was like “wait..... is that manaow???” so i google translated her name and it does mean lemon omg thats SO cute i love her even more rn

okay i don’t know if it’s only me but the girls from the cooking club? the best girls ever me thinks

okay we’re approaching the last part of the episode yall i felt so many emotions in like 13 minutes

we start with the worst, a Flashback.

i literally saw the outfit and started crying. like. no joke.

the mother??? sister?????? aunt?????? being hella worried and in being like “it’s okay i’ll be back in like . 2 seconds”

THIS BTICH NEVER CAME BACK

the little girl please i’m legit going to cry again thinking about her and imagining her waiting for in to come back home and just.... not really understanding whats happening when her mother (im guessing here) starts sobbing when she picks up the phone

OH MY GODDDDDDDD

also according to like,,, timeline and shit inkorn were from the 60s or 80s right???? which means she’s still alive if nothing has happened to her..................

HAHA so much fun in this blog! just joy laughter and happiness!

also it was in’s birthday.............. oh my goodness

okay moving on to something that hurts less! team being the dunk boy on the booth omg win this is not how u flirt

also i realised that the open house thing happens like... mid first semester so it hasn’t been that long since deanpharm know of each other/have been talking damn bro

win teasing pharm is like,, one of my favourite things lmao i might do a gifset of these moments when i finish the drama if i’m not too lazy

deanpharm holding hands in public tho ;;;;;;; ok bitch call me single and ugly a little less louder

win though SJFKHS *looks at team’s hand* team: no. go away

oh god oh god oh godddddddd here comes the thread talk

the moment team said suicide i stopped the episode because i thought Something would happen to pharm but oh GOD I WAS NOT EXPECTING WHAT HAPPENED

THE STARES!!!!!!!! THE REALISATION!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE “PROMISE” AT THE SAME TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHUT THE FUCKUGISFUIKGJHSLGWJ

i will literally never recover

also i paused that scene so much just to scream into my comfort stuffed toy and i’m so sorry for her

i also couldn’t help but think of how the others at the table were like because if that was me idk what i’d do

i might cry or be like “wow u guys are such great actors” but inside my head because i’m an introvert

but god that was,,,,,,, yeah

and when they of course showed The flashback scene and i saw in’s outfit i cried because he truly never went back home

okay i think that’s it i literally took almost an hour to write this because i tried following the episode while having a thousand thoughts in my head + make lots of typos lmao

i hope these aren’t too bothersome to u guys ;; i post these because i need to share my thoughts somewhere but if someone doesn’t want to see them u can mute the tags i use in these posts or something hhhhh

i might use an specific one for these tho because if i gotta make 17 of these at least let’s make them be organised some way,,,,,

alrighty that’s all byebyeeeee

#until we meet again #uwma #uwma ep6 #tw suicide #i mention it and it's only once but better be safe than sorry!!!

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kdramaxoxo · 5 years

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Are there any romance kdramas that are kind of dark or deep? Ive had enough fluff. I want to cry. Sometimes you just want to watch something that’s gonna make you cry. ;_;

I wanna cry too!

[Updated] K-Dramas That’ll Make You Cry:

Angel’s Last Mission: Love: We have a perfect and sweet literal angel who falls in love with a blind and betrayed ballerina. It’s got really cute moments but on the whole is very angsty and everyone is really really upset. Plus there’s the whole “they can’t be together because of god” stuff that adds that extra dagger of sadness.

The Smile Has Left Your Eyes: It’s a big investment to get to the tears but you will definitely get there. Your heart will hurt for basically everyone - plus this is one of my favorite k-dramas!

Come and Hug Me: I think this show broke a crying record for me. Every time the leads would look at each other? *SOB* I loved this thriller with a super soft romantic backstory.

Be Melodramatic: While a lot of this show is not sad, the plot line and loss of Lee Eun Jung is heartbreaking. I think I actually cried during the first episode? True it’s not 100% heartbreak but it’ll make you FEEL things.

Moon Lovers: Scarlet Heart Ryeo: “Historical” K-drama with a ton of angst and heartbreak. Everyone who has seen this show knows exactly why I’m listing it first. I mean, if you want to cry your heart out and wail in despair episode after episode, this show is for you! But if you choose to watch it, I also want to apologize for ripping your heart out of your chest.

Goblin: While this fantasy show does have lighter moments, the overall story ramps up for a LOT of sad. I cried super duper hard the first time I watched (and who am I kidding? I also cried the second time ;-)

It’s Okay That’s Love: One of my favorite dramas, the main topic is mental illness and for once, the K-drama writers did it justice! With trauma and mental illness comes sadness, but there’s a great mix of light-heartedness that makes this heartwarming story pretty amazing.

Reunited Worlds: This show has magical elements and it’s a noona romance so I loved it. Not a super popular show, but it was just the right tone for me. Yeo Jin Goo is a star in this and you will definitely cry multiple times as well as smile super wide!

Thirty But Seventeen: Precious puppies with past trauma! Don’t be turned off by the shows description as it turned out to be one of the best surprises of the year for me. The leads are lovely, all of the characters are soft and there’s a lot of emotion.

Just Between Lovers: So much pain, so much melo, so much tearing up. You’ll feel this one but also you’ll fall in love with the OTP! (plus my bias wrecker is in it so…)

Go Back Couple: I did not cry watching this drama but I’m not sentimental when it comes to family and children. If you are, you’ll 100% cry.

I Am Not A Robot/ Are You Human Too?: Both flawed dramas (though popular - I had some issues with the sexism in the first one) featuring perfect android boyfriends/girlfriends. But, even though they had some rough patches the couples were brilliant and their differences forced them to both make really tough decisions that broke my heart. When I see the gif sets from those moments, my heart hurts.

My Country: Ok, so I did not watch this because I knew it would be totally devastating and I needed to do self care. Someone else will have to confirm this but I can tell by the gifsets that there is sadness and devastation, kinda like Scarlet Heart.

#kdrama #kdrama recommendations #just between lovers #come and hug me #scarlet heart ryeo #nothing makes me happier than knowing im the designated list maker cause i love it #what does that say about me #ill bet extraordinary you is gonna have tears

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anderffels · 4 years

Text

my thoughts about tlou2 under a read more bc they are mostly negative lol

ok i really need to vent somewhere and here is the place lmao

ironicaly, i’m going to start with abby bc i think it is, somehow, the easiest part to talk about. i’m going to keep this story and narrative-wise but i have to say that playing as her became fun. the way she contrasts with ellie’s gameplay is awesome and kudos to the character designers bc she is damn intimidating in a way female antagonists NEVER get to be. now, to the narrative. i actually grew to like her story bc, surprise, hers is the only narrative in the damn game that gets to have character development. she is the only one ‘seeking the light’. i felt kind of bad that i liked her parts more than ellie’s until i realized this, because how can i not latch onto the only bit of hope this game has to offer? abby and lev’s rship is that. (though i do think it is a bit of a mess how they could not be sure who they were trying to paralel abby off of? like we get it she is like joel bc hate and disillusionment consumed her until she found small child to take care of but wait she is also like ellie bc she has two close friends one of whom she loves who are having a child!! oops!!! pregnant ladies squared!!! also i only get pedantic about medical stuff if i’m really bitter but hey, i am so, wtf was up with dina’s pregnancy lmao that is not how pregnancy works ANYWAY)

meanwhile, ellie’s arc is absolutely bleak. every moment of happiness and warmth we get from the flashbacks is tainted with the cruelty we know is coming. i have been thinking that my problems with the game were bc i loved joel and couldn’t really get over his death but i love ellie too. even if i cared nothing for joel, ellie gets no real development? she is traumatized in a brutal way and there is no... real closure there? if i’m being benevolent i would say the most she gets is finally accepting what joel did for her, and learning to embrace the life he has given her but SHE WAS ALREADY PREPARED TO TAKE THAT ROAD. which is why that last scene with joel is awful, and not only in an utterly heartbreaking way, but in how meaningless everything that happened was.

like how is this the best way to tell this story!! unles ofc all we want is character death as shock value and another trite story about the circle of violence bc we clearly need another videogame to tell us that instead of a follow up to the story that told us that “you keep finding reasons to survive” and “all we’ve been through, it can’t be for nothing”. why would you take that story from the first game and warp it into this??? it could have been so much more. why did we need so much misery to tell us what we knew all along? that ellie has a gentle heart and the violence of this world they live in will do its best to break her but she won’t? (this is something that rlly bothers me a lot bc i saw someone say that tlou1 had no real message about violence and ??? what was that scene with david lmao. but sure. sure.)

but no. joel was butchered and the only reason was that the writers couldn’t find an interesting way to keep the story going and as much as they keep saying “the story was about ellie all along” they mistreated her so badly and caused her to suffer for this new narrative of hopelessness and loss that she ALREADY KNEW. she already suffered a lot of losses in her life. all those gifsets with joel’s quote from the first game about how she did not know what loss was, like she only knows now???!!! she already knew what loss was. she had overcome it. she was in the process of overcoming survivor’s guilt and the game took all the progress she had made, not only during tlou but during the years between games, and put it back to square one and completely ignored the doubts that plagued here now about what joel had done, how her life should have mattered. i’ve read some people say that a lot of criticism of this game is bc we just wanted a repeat of the first one but at least what i wanted was the events of the ending of the game to MATTER. to REFLECT on ellie’s character in a way that she could grow from.

(and don’t get me started on tommy OH MY GOD. he was all for returning to jackson and then you’re telling me he would change his mind so radically as to pressure ellie into RISKING HER LIFE, letting revenge consume him to the point where he breaks it off with maria???? TOMMY. TOMMY WHO NEVER EVEN WANTED REVENGE FOR JOEL IN THE FIRST PLACE BC IT WOULD RISK TOO MUCH, WHO NEVER THOUGHT VIOLENCE WAS THE ANSWER OH MY GOD

i was ready for this game to make me cry, to touch something deep within that the first one had. i got that feeling during the prologue where joel sings the song and plays the guitar. the rest were only the tears lol. i expect it will win a lot of awards but this is not good storytelling. making a climax that will stay with the players is NOT hard if all you do is pile tragedy upon tragedy and pain upon pain, and that is all that that final confrontation is, with abby’s story akwardly placed in the middle like hey! are we ready for some conflicting point of views?!! you’d better!!!. but there’s no resolution. no closure. ellie gets to keep the ptsd and the nightmares and whatever but ofc that’s not something that we want to dwell on right.

#tlou

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hermannsthumb · 5 years

Note

Prompt:an nsfw version of a desperate hermann using that Strength to pull newts body halfway into that room in pac rim 2

ok i can’t find this gifset in my posts for the life of me but hopefully everyone knows the scene. did you send me this ask well over 11 months ago? yes. am i only just now getting to it? technically i wrote a paragraph 11 months ago for it and then forgot so. better late than never?

enjoy: my attempt at precursor newt stream of consciousness style pov, a little bit of emotional sex, and another of the VERY few uprising (semi-)compliant fics i ever care to write lmao. 18+ content below cut

------------------------

They’ve got a plan, you see, reopen the Breach, end the world, Anteverse reign supreme, see you all on the other side, and that plan requires one Newton Geiszler be kept away from prying eyes and prying hands in the meanwhile before they’re nice and set. The prying eyes and hands of one man in particular: Dr. Hermann Gottlieb. Enemy number one. Avoid at all costs. (“Newt!” he says, smiling like Newt hasn’t seen in ten years, has he ever called him Newt before?) They invite Dr. Hermann Gottlieb for dinner, or maybe it’s Newton Geiszler who invites him, maybe it can aid the plan, one less problem to worry about, get the complete set—Newton would stop complaining, maybe, stop shrieking if he had his little friend—maybe Hermann can see. Can help him. He doesn’t. They force Newton to drift with them again afterwards. Remind him who’s in charge.

They set off more drones. Newton Geiszler is sent to find out what happened, but Dr. Hermann Gottlieb goes to find out too.

He grabs Newton by the shoulder and slams him against a wall, and presses his face close, and Newton—Newt is suddenly struck by how strong Hermann is. Was he always that strong? (How is Hermann here?) “Hermann?” Newt says, blinking, confused, “What are you doing? How did you—?”

Hermann holds up a badge, says something about clearance, but he’s still pinning Newt’s wrist to the wall. (Stop, stop, something in the back of Newt’s brain wails, but he can’t for the life of him figure out why. Why has he stayed away from Hermann for so long? Why would he ever want to be apart from Hermann?) Newt stares at Hermann’s fingers—long, elegant, lovely, wrapped around Newt—then his face. “Hermann,” he repeats. He brings his free hand up, just barely brushing one of Hermann’s cheeks.

“Hell,” Hermann says, then “oh, Newton,” and he leans in to the touch and his voice is soft, so soft, but his grip is tight. They don’t have time, do they, Hermann said drones, they have to take care of drones, or something, and he thinks Newt knows how. Does Newt know how? He missed Hermann so much.

“I missed you,” Newt blurts out, and Hermann lets out a hiss of breath, looks around—their little alcove is deserted, nicely off to the side, plenty of privacy—and kisses him. It’s unexpected, unprecedented, Hermann’s the one who said they had to take care of this thing in the first place, but Newt’s not adverse to it. He parts his lips eagerly when Hermann’s pushes forward with his tongue; he fists the back of Hermann’s heavy black labcoat when Hermann presses their bodies together; he allows himself the smallest ghost of a moan when Hermann shoves his blazer (expensive; fine, silky fabric; the price of about three of those whiskey bottles Newton Geiszler can put away in a single night) to the ground. Hermann’s cane clatters after it.

“Newton,” Hermann says into his mouth, his teeth grazing Newt’s bottom lip, light at first, then biting down hard. Did they ever do this before? Newt thinks he’d remember it, and maybe he does (stolen glances over a yellow line, the green, green glow of a specimen tank that Hermann holds him against, wandering hands in the dark of a bunk) but then again, Newt can’t even really remember yesterday. He knows he loves Hermann; he knows he’s always loved Hermann; he knows he likes how Hermann’s hot mouth moves to his neck, how Hermann’s trembling hands move lower, lower, how his fingers clench the silky fabric of Newt’s vest like he wants to—

“Tear it off,” Newt gasps. His hand is trembling, too, as he covers Hermann’s with it, curls their fingers together, gives a feeble tug. It’s crucial, for some reason, that Hermann does. (Newton Geiszler needs to be kept away from prying eyes, prying hands, Hermann Gottlieb’s prying hands, hands that grip Their vest shakily and pull.)

Buttons ping: one hits the toe of Newt’s polished Oxford, one bounces off Hermann’s chest, the other lands out of sight. Newt’s well-pressed shirt follows. Hermann’s pupils are dark and dangerous, and it makes something recoil deep within Newt at the same time he surges forward and steals another biting kiss. “Touch me,” he begs, shoving at Hermann’s labcoat, “Hermann, please—”

For a moment, a single, breath-catching moment, the pads of Hermann’s elegant fingers graze Newt’s chest (lean, toned; nothing like the Newton Geiszler’s of the past) and alight just below the chill-hardened peaks of his nipples; then, as if shocked, spring back. They clench around Newt’s open collar instead. “Ten years,” Hermann hisses, fury clouding his features in lieu of lust. “Ten damned years, Newton, and you waltz back in as if—”

“I know,” Newt chokes out, and he wants to say a million things, to apologize, to explain he didn’t want to, that the only thing from the last ten years that’s not a confusing muddled blur is just how badly he’s ached for Hermann, but it’s as if something is pinching the end of his tongue. Reeling him back by the neck. (Newton Geiszler is not in charge; Newton Geiszler needs to be reminded of who is.) All Newt can do is stammer, uselessly, “I’m—I don’t know why I—”

Hermann hoists him up by his lapels, enough that Newt’s heels hang an inch from the ground and the back of his head clunks, hard, against the metal wall. Newt’s voice trails off into a little squeak. The thing within Newt shrinks back further. “Did you think of me even once?” Hermann spits, an inch from his face. “Did you even—!”

His lower lip wobbles. His legs wobble, too. Suddenly looking very tired, and very sad, he drops Newt and sags against him.

Newt’s eyes are wet. “I’m sorry,” he says, “I—” He swallows. They have drones to take care of, but Hermann’s lips are at his neck, his throat, the curve of his jawline, and tiny, dry sobs wrack his body. Newt doesn’t like seeing Hermann cry—he never did. “Hermann,” he says. Hermann’s lips go to the corner of his mouth. He’s murmuring Newt’s name.

There is a part of Newt that is screaming be cruel; be cold; shove him away, far away; we’re better than him; he’ll ruin it for us. So loud it’s almost deafening. Hermann Gottlieb is an obstacle. Hermann Gottlieb is a distraction. (Newt pets Hermann’s hair soothingly.) Hermann Gottlieb is a nuisance. “Hermann,” Newt says again, and Hermann (breath hot at Newt’s cheek, tears clinging to his long lashes) says “Newt.” Hermann Gottlieb needs to be eliminated.

Newt’s fingers tighten in the short strands of Hermann’s hair, grown-out from its DIY undercut. (Pull, the part of Newt screams, bare his throat, crush the life out of it.)

Index and thumb circle Hermann’s throat, still calloused from years of playing guitar. Newt might’ve played it for Hermann, once, might’ve even tried to teach Hermann to play it himself. Newt wants to squeeze. Newt doesn’t want to squeeze. There’s a tear on Hermann’s cheek.

Calloused thumb at Hermann’s jaw instead; Newt’s head throbs, like something’s pounding furiously at the inside of it. Smacking a sledgehammer against it. Hermann catches Newt’s fingers and pulls them to his lips. He kisses the tips gently, one by one. His eyes are wide, and wet, and brown. Newt could crush the life out of him.

“Kiss me,” he says instead, and presses the palm of his other hand to the front of Hermann’s slacks.

Mouth dropping open, Hermann does. He works their lips together and touches Newt, toying with Newt’s nipple, caressing Newt’s abdomen, hips jostling forward insistently until Newt’s hand is sandwiched between them. Hermann is hard. Newt is hard, too. Newt doesn’t know when he had sex last. “Drones,” Newt says, blinking hazily. He has to do something with drones—set them off, maybe. Stop them. Did Newt already set them off?

“I don’t care,” Hermann groans low in his ear. “Someone else—someone else has just got to do it themselves.” He rubs against Newt’s hand, and Newt wants to squeeze at him through the thick wool fabric—to make Hermann feel good. He does. “Ah—Newton—yes—!”

An explosion outside. It’s as if the building rocks with it. Newt slips in surprise, and Hermann hoists him back up with a single hand at his lapel.

He remembers how easily Hermann hauled him over here in the first place—how he’d torn Newt’s shirt open with ease, lifted him up by his collar. Newt feels a strange, desperate laugh bubbling in the back of his throat. “When’d you get so strong?” he says.

“What?” Hermann pants.

One hand still working at him through his slacks, Newt heaves another laugh and gropes at his bicep. “Big guy,” he says, though Hermann’s not noticeably more toned than a decade prior. “I’ve, uh, been missing out.”

Hermann’s eyebrows jump in surprise; he smiles, but it’s sad. “You have,” he says. “You’ve missed out on quite a lot, Newton.”

There are wrinkles, tiny wrinkles, at the corners of Hermann’s eyes. A few streaks of grey at his temples. I should’ve been there for those, Newt thinks. He works Hermann faster. “We’re going to save the world,” he says, even though it doesn’t quite seem right, “together. Like last time. And then—then we can—”

“Yes,” Hermann agrees in a moan, though Newt doesn’t finish the sentence. He’s breathing harshly. “Yes, yes.”

He slips his own hand down Newt’s expensive slacks, his expensive underwear, and grips at him clumsily. Newt whimpers and knocks his forehead against Hermann’s. “‘S good,” he slurs. When this is over, he decides, he’s going to take Hermann for a drink. Dinner. Catch up. Beg Hermann to take him back. They can do this properly, on a bed. “We can do it together,” Newt says.

“You and I,” Hermann says.

Drink. Dinner. Catch up. Newt hasn’t been himself recently, is all. He’s sure Hermann will understand if he explains. He just needs to explain. Newton Geiszler doesn’t drink himself into a stupor each night. Newton Geiszler doesn’t know how to code jaegers. Newton Geiszler doesn’t wear fancy clothing or call himself doctor or spend ten years purposefully avoiding his best friend. That’s not Newt. Hermann will understand if Newt explains. “You and me,” Newt says, desperately, but he’s not sure to whom.

Hermann is kissing him in a hallway of Shao Industries with alarm bells and explosions overhead, and Hermann is kissing him in green glow of a specimen tank, and Hermann is kissing him in a darkened bunk, and Newt’s head is throbbing, Newt is reaching for Hermann’s throat. (Squeeze. He’s going to ruin it all.) “Newton,” Hermann gasps, shaking and shutting his eyes as he comes apart in Newt’s arms, and Newt could kill him now, if he wanted, squeeze his windpipe, crush his throat, wring the last bit of air from his lungs and leave him in a pathetic heap on the ground. He’s ruined it all. Newt could kill him. Newt should kill him. “Come on,” Hermann says, stoking the fire in the pit of Newt’s stomach with furious tugs, his chest heaving, his brown eyes wild and beautiful, “come on, darling, for me—”

Newt hasn’t been himself lately. Hermann’s cheeks are wet. He calls out Hermann’s name as he comes, and Hermann bites at his mouth, sucks on his tongue, strokes his cheeks and hair. He wants to tell Hermann he’s sorry; he wants to tell Hermann he loves him. There’s something pinching Newt’s tongue and reeling him back by his neck. “My vest is ruined,” he wheezes out. He doesn’t care. It’s ugly--nothing that Newton Geiszler would wear.

Hermann kisses his neck. “Good,” he mumbles. “It was hideous.”

Newt swallows hard. His head feels like it’s going to split in two. “I love you,” he says, and, swaying on his feet, voice cracking, “Hermann. My head—”

“I’ve got you,” Hermann says, gently, and they sink down the wall together.

#newmann #maria's fanfiction tag #not sfw ////////////////////////#Anonymous

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lessereviltm-a-blog · 5 years

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if this post appears on the blog instead of the usual photo/gifsets then i guess i should explain my hiatus

ever since the day i posted up my hiatus notice, i haven’t been ok. it was a usual day. same routine. yada yada. i went into work, bubbly as i usually am. people at work would tell you that i smile 95% of the time and every time i open my mouth, i’d laugh. that was me. it wasn’t the me that i thought was the real me. i came into realisation that i am mentally and emotionally unstable. i am also broken. nobody can help me. i don’t even know where to begin to help me. i put up this pretence, that i am happy, i am fine. so i smile, i laugh, i make jokes. it hit me so suddenly that it’s all fake. that i’ve been faking everything because i don’t want to face the fact that i am not ok. i tell myself that i need to be strong because i can’t afford to be weak. also because i’m a mom. i can’t afford to just let it all out.

that’s what i need to do. let it all out. break down and cry. i can’t and i won’t! and that’s my problem right there. i also don’t think i deserve anybody. with the state that i’m in. i’m in no position to want to be in somebody’s life when i think i’m toxic. i mean ....i’ve built myself up every time someone pushed me down. it’s getting old. i’m tired. i’m exhausted. then i see my past relationships, both platonic and romance, and i’m just ----i either walked or they made me walk or they walked. it doesn’t last. the people i let into my own little bubble didn’t last. and this is the part where i should have released all my negative emotions and start anew. i didn’t. i bottled it up. suppressed them. tossed them aside and hope to god they won’t bother me. then they bothered me. they burst through. they resurfaced. it was around maybe 1:30pm and i was sitting at work when it hit me so hard and i was fighting back tears.

i don’t think i’m worth it. that i’m worth anybody’s time. i’m not worth being in anybody’s life. if i was, i wouldn’t, didn’t have to walk out on so many people. or being treated like garbage. or thinking that because i’m not worth it i’m being treated the way i deserved. and it broke me because i don’t know how to fix myself. how to bring myself up from that. i’m not a good friend because i don’t have anything to give. i’m a giver. i’m not a taker. and i think i’ve given everything to those that hurt me and left. i’m not a good girlfriend, a partner, whatever you call it. all the love and affection i’ve given to everyone in the past, gone. i’m completely drained. there’s nothing for me to give. at all. so, in saying all of this, i don’t deserve to be in anybody’s life. maybe i’ll just go back to just functioning. see if it’ll replenish me somehow. but right now, i’m just no good. i’ll never be good enough. i’ve never been good enough, for anybody, not even myself apparently. if i was good enough for myself then i wouldn’t be making this post.

i’m sorry. i’m sorry for wasting all of your time. i’m sorry if i even worry you. i don’t deserve your worries. you don’t need to wish if you were here so i could just let it all go on your shoulders. i don’t deserve that. this problem. this is my own. this is my battle. and so far i’m just losing. i hate it. but what else can i do but fight back the one thing that needs to be done? because i’m a coward. crying is a weakness and it will always be a weakness in my eyes. i cannot see it as a strength. i refuse to have a weakness so i fight back the tears. but i guarantee you that the moment someone gives me a hug, while i’m in this state, i will break down. my coworker offered after i told him what been going on in my mind. he even tried to divert me from it. he’s a good friend. i led him on and i shouldn’t but he really is a good friend. he should have walked away from me. but... every time something happened between us, he stayed. like... he shouldn’t have stayed. i’m fucked. i’m a mess. he can’t fix me. or even bandage me. i don’t even deserve his friendship. i may be easy to talk to but still... i don’t.

i wish i could hide from people too. over here. but i can’t. i see them almost every day. forcing a smile...it’s easy but also draining now that i come to accept that i am not ok. as per this post, i have 12 unread messages on discord. i’m afraid to open them. if i open them, i will talk, i will lay everything that i’ve said in this post on the person that messaged asking if i am ok. and you don’t deserve that. you don’t deserve to have to read about my problems and wishing you could do something to help, but you can’t, so you feel bad. you do not deserve that. i don’t deserve your kindness. i don’t deserve your anything, to be fair. so i don’t know how long this hiatus going to be. i’m not asking you to wait for me either. i’m just letting you know what’s happening. so you go ahead and have fun. don’t worry about me. one way or another, i’ll be ok. time might not be what i need but it’s all i’m getting.

#🍾 ;; ooc post of a rambling ham #queued.#triggery content #im not gonna bother with tw tags because... triggery content is enough isn't it?#i just.. thinking. i dont want to

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a-good-finder · 6 years

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the malec playlist ♥

Ok, so. Hi!

I’m not very big on fandom things, so bear with me. Months ago, I created this playlist on Spotify with songs that touch my Malec-strings. I’m here to share it with you lot, in hopes you all can cry at them with me or even point out other songs which you consider Malec-y.

This is it: the malec playlist :)

Below, you have a list of all the songs, some with excerpts cos I’m a bitch for lyrics that remind me of my favorite couple. It’s a very eclectic playlist, you see.

[Btw, some things might be off or wrong cos not only is English not my first language I’m feeling too lazy to search for spelling and etc, sorry >D]

So, we’ve got...

- All of Me, John Legend

- Little Do You Know, Alex & Sierra (due to this amazing fanvid)

- Grow Old with Me, Tom Odell (cRY)

- “Read All About It, Pt. III”, Emeli Sandé :’)

- Nobody Wants to be Lonely, Rick Martin & Christina Aguilera [sERIOUSLY, look: your heart is cold and lost the will to love, like a broken arrow (...) time is precious and it's slipping away, and I've been waiting for you all of my life (...) can you hear my voice, do you hear my song, it's a seranade, so your heart can find me, ohh. and suddenly you're flying down the stairs into my arms, baby, ohh (me singing and crying this sHIT IS GOOD)]

- Shape of My Heart, Backstreet Boys

- OBVIOUSLY War of Hearts, Ruelle (um hino desses)

- True Colors, Cyndi Lauper :’’’’’’)

- Wide Eyed, Billy Lockett (3uheuwhuhuehuehuehruheu3heu)

- Two Men in Love, The Irrepressibles (so so so so bEAUTIFUL)

- And Then You, Greg Laswell (seeeeeee: and how my dreams they spin me 'round, and how my dreams they let me down, and how my thoughts they spin me 'round, and how my thoughts they let me down... then there's you, then there's you, then there's you, then there's you...)

- Duet (feat. Stephanie Briggs), Penny and Sparrow (ok I’m sorry but tHIS ONE IS GOLD: because I’ve seen you, and I know you, and I’m not going anywhere)

- Strong, One Direction

- What Makes You Beautiful, One Direction (heuhuehuhe)

- You & I, One Direction

- Can’t Help Falling in Love, Elvis Presley (wISE MEN SAY ONLY FOOLS RUSH IN aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah)

- Better Love, Hozier

- Can You Hold Me, NF & Britt Nicole (this one has become such a favorite, seriously, listen to it)

- Old Skin, Ólafur Arnalds (I’ve heard this song first in an Evak fanvid, but if fits bOTH so well...)

- I Choose You, Sara Bareilles (#ImmortalHusbands)

- I’m Yours, Alessia Cara (BUT HEAR ME OUT!!! She says: cause I’ve had my heart broken before, and I promised I would never let me hurt anymore. but I tore down my walls, and opened my doors, and made room for one. so baby I’m yours, and honestly the whole song is so dhjfhjfbjhbfj I cry a little)

- Do I Wanna Know?, Arctic Monkeys (I’ve taken this one from another Malec playlist on spotify, Take You As You Are, it fits pretty well lol)

- Certain Things, James Arthur (this is such a fanvid song lol)

- Love You Any Less, Rag’n’Bone Man (mAN, another one from Take You As You Are, and it’s so so so so touching, seriously; listen to it while you watch the 2x15 scene ;D)

- Underneath, Adam Lambert

- OBVI: The Other Side, Ruelle (2x18 break-up vibes)

- Brave, Riley Pearce (yes, the one from their last 2x18 scene, but just listen to it)

- Vulnerable, The Saturdays (same vein as “I’m Yours”, very Magnus-y)

- Surrender, Natalie Taylor (since we’re talking about Malec-break up, look at this fanvid)

- Beautiful Mess, Kristian Kostov (another amazing fanvid :D)

- Run Away With Me, Carly Rae Jepsen (such a fun song)

- Nobody ‘Til You, Lindsay Lohan (I mean: 'til you I was nothing but lonely nights, there was nothing but sad goodbyes for me to fall through. come true, my dreams are awakening, somebody is making me the only one in the room. what nobody could do, nobody 'til you)

- Hurry Up!, Superfruit (I’ve seen this one in a very cute gifset, but for the life of me can’t I find it D:, but the bit was this one: hey baby, I've never been in love, but I wanna be, I wanna be, so hurry up)

- Never Gonna Change, Broods (I’ve always loved this song, and it made me really happy to be able to add it to this list)

- Wildfire, SYML (HONESTLY SERIOUSLY FULL-HEARTLY nothing is as beautiful as the love in this song. Someone on tumblr once pointed out how Malec-y it is, and just- listen to its softeness)

- Turning Page, Sleeping At Last (#weddingfeels, also: nothing makes me stronger than your fragile heart?????? I mean, shit!)

- In the Name of Love, Martin Garrix (heart emojis)

- Venus, Sleeping At Last (after a while, I thought I’d never find you. I convinced myself that I would never find you. when suddenly I saw you. at first I thought you were a constellation. I made a map of your stars, then I had a revelation. you’re as beautiful as endless, you’re the universe I’m helpless in)

- Only You, Cheat Codes & Little Mix (dUDE)

- Atlas: Two, Sleeping at Last (first time I heard this song I couldn’t stop thinking of Malec and /sigh/, help: I know exactly how the rule goes, put my mask on first. no, I don’t want to talk about myself- tell me where it hurts. I just want to build you up, build you up til you’re good as new. and maybe one day I will get around to fixing myself too ring any bells?)

- Bloom, Troye Sivan (hueheuheuheueh)

- I Found, Amber Run

- Saturn, Sleeping At Last (crying forever)

- Stronger, Proper Gentleman & Mr. Gabriel (mAN, woMAN: I am not here to stay, I am not far away, and I can be with you if you need me. I wish that I could say I feel your pain, lost in your shame, and the hardest part is believing... you are stronger than you look in the picture. you are brave, even as you are falling apart)

- Don’t Forget About Me, CLOVES (played during 2x5, Jocelyn’s funeral)

- Show Me What I’m Looking For, Carolina Liar

- When You Look Me In The Eyes (I can’t access the Jonas Brothers’ version, maybe it’s cos my spotify is Brazilian or something, so this is a cover, but dANG this song)

- Fear of the Water, SYML (ok, listen!!! so much sense!!! and also watch this beautiful incredible fanvid)

- Take Care, Florence + the Machine (Drake’s is also so touching and soft and beautiful, yes, but I kinda like the violins in this one lol)

- Dressed In Black, Sia (added yesterday, but everyweek it seems I find another song for this playlist-- if you’ve never heard it, take a look at this chorus: you found me dressed in black, hiding way up at the back. life had broken my heart into pieces. you took my hand in yours, you started breaking down my walls, and you covered my heart in kisses. I thought life passed me by, missed my tears, ignored my cries. life had broken my heart, my spirit. and then you crossed my path, you quelled my fears, you made me laugh. then you covered my heart in kisses)

That’s it, so far. I hope listening to it is an eye-opening experience as it always is for me, and we can talk about it all in caps? That’d be nice.

Also, #SaveShadowhunters :D

EDITED, October 13th.

- Telepathy, Christina Aguilera, from the Get Down, which should also have been saved (yes, it’s a Thizzee song, but dAMN)

- Never Enough, Loren Allred, from the Greatest Show Man (another musical, and also another dAMN, just listen to it)

- Come What May, from yet aNOTHER musical and also from Glee (yes, both versions) cos both are amazing and deserve to be listened to always.

#malec #magnus bane #alec lightwood #shadowhunters #saveshadowhunters #sh #savesh #♥#tracklist

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dimples-of-discontent · 6 years

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JIB recording policy: my thoughts and feels

So this feels like a really awful moment to be an SPN fan. I’m crushed that “Wayward” didn’t get picked up and honestly that deserves its own post and other eloquent folks on here will no doubt be chiming in soon. Before that, though, I was already alternating between seething and feeling on the verge of tears about the “no recordings” policy for JIB. Because, honestly, I was relying on it as a hugely positive experience to lift me out of the daily struggle I’m in right now. Where the show can and will hurt me all the time (hopefully with a narrative purpose!) as I expect it to in the finale, Jibcon never does anything except make me laugh and smile (and post too many gifs). And without the prospect of seeing the panels, especially Misha and Jensen’s, I genuinely feel...bereft. It’s not that I feel like I lost what I was entitled to, but that I’ve been deprived of something positive and beautiful for no good reason.

If you think that’s silly or that I should get over it or whatever please do me a favor and stop reading. These are my personal thoughts and feelings about something personal to me and you don’t have to agree. But since I think many of you do I’m going to write about it. I’m also going to reflect on the positive impact that sharing panel videos has on the fandom and what we lose without them. (And I recognize that this policy has existed before and that we have gotten around it and that we do not yet know how strictly it will be enforced. But I have these feelings anyway so I wrote about them.)

ETA: I hear from some folks there that you can record but not livestream, like usual. I’m going to go ahead and leave this up though, whatever the outcome, because it makes other points that are prompted by the policy but not strictly about it.

In a previous post I used the phrase “hostile to the fandom” to describe the policy and I stand by that. If it were merely about money or legality why would they not do something like sell tickets to a livestream and/or digital downloads or recordings? (If you are in the industry and have insider information on this I’d be super interested in your perspective and happy to post it with or without attribution.) I know that they may not have the infrastructure to accomplish this. It takes a lot of servers to livestream to that many people. It takes a certain standard of recording equipment to make something professional. But this is the 9th year running. They know there is enough interest to justify sinking some capital into that infrastructure and I’m surprised they haven’t.

I am absolutely willing to pay for content. Paleyfest panels are livestreamed and available to buy afterwards (months after, but that’s ok). I have bought a copy of all the Paleyfest panels from my favorite shows. I am not objecting to paying for content at all. Give J2M a cut! Give the JIB staff a cut! Shut up and take my money! There needs to be a price point between “flying to Europe and paying hundreds or thousands of dollars” and “peering at illegal phone video on YouTube.” Legal recordings that generate profit seem like a great option.

You know who they would be good for in the fandom? Everyone.

People without the money to travel and attend cons.

People who might have the money but who have difficulty traveling or being in a group of people because of physical disabilities, social anxiety, mental health issues, illness, etc.

People who are caregivers and cannot easily find someone to take their duties or who cannot be away at all.

People who work multiple jobs with inflexible schedules.

I could go on at greater length but I think you all get the point. We talk about the SPN Family and have our fandom-driven efforts to better the lives of people involved and show them that “you are not alone” and “family don’t end in blood” and “always keep fighting.” And that is AWESOME. It’s special. It’s so unlike other fandoms I have been in. But the thing that keeps a lot of people going is seeing videos from cons and feeling like a part of that community by sharing those experiences. For some people, maybe just the show is enough. But there’s a substantial population that relies on the social aspect of fandom and on the (perceived) closeness or accessibility of its figureheads, J2M.

Taking away the means to do that and acting as though we have done something wrong in asking for it, in wanting it, seems antithetical to the community-building we rely on. (I could do another post about campaign fatigue, which hit me pretty badly back in the fall, but right now it’s not on my mind.) Why not record it and either monetize it or even (radical idea!) don’t and just release it? Forbidding recording and distributing panels creates elitism and alienates many of the people who rely most on that sense of connection.

This is where I get to the point about hostility. Because I can’t see this new policy (or new decision to strictly enforce the policy) as unconnected to Daniela’s Facebook rant. I can’t. I wrote about it at the time and agreed with other folks who said that, though offensively expressed, it was fundamentally anti-antis and anti-entitlement rather than anti- any particular ship. I wanted to give the benefit of the doubt and allow her to just be a frustrated human being who had a bad time at work and complained. But now I feel like it was a message about how we need to back off of Jibcon because we in some way don’t deserve it.

And, perhaps wrongly since no pairing was singled out in the Facebook post, I feel like it’s about Jensen and Misha. Because by raw YouTube views alone those are the panels people want to watch recordings of. They are chaotic and hilarious and sweet and a just A Hot Mess, so it makes sense that we want to see them together and beam at our computer screens. There’s a reason it’s always the closing panel, that it’s so expensive, that it sells out so quickly. And just like with Creation’s weird refusal to offer that as an option (except at Honcon) it seems like banning recordings has to do with some unarticulated prohibition on how fans view those two specifically. Like it’s untoward.

But...if that’s the case, if Jensen and Misha are so bothered by it, why haven’t they done something like sue for libel or send out cease and desist letters to the Cockles blogs? They...don’t care. They actively know what we think about them (they’re grossly in love! they’re secretly a couple!) and they play with it in their stage personae and, I assume, just gloss over it in their everyday lives because they’ve developed a strong and healthy sense of “who the fuck cares?”. I guess it could be something their publicists are clamping down on, being like NO MORE HELLA GAY GIFSETS AND KEEP YOUR DAMN CLOTHES ON, or whatever, but my impression is that the policy is coming from JIB staff.

There is no need to generate more antagonism anywhere in this fandom. There is too much of it already. Alienating the fans who aren’t able to attend JIB from the JIB organizers seems pointless. If it’s an attempt somehow to shut down the shipping wars, well, that’s ass backwards since I’m just waiting for someone to yell about how the whole policy is because of Destiel/Cockles people and their inappropriate questions and theories or whatever because obviously we are the reason Jensen flashed his underwear onstage last year. It’s going to alienate us from each other too, as I already now feel way more envious of people who will get the privileged experience of seeing the panels.

It seems like such a harmless thing, to let people post videos of panels they can’t see but desperately want to. Like it’s basically just a force for good in the fandom. I suspect that people will find a way to record and share anyway, as we have before in face of the same policy. But, because of where I am personally and how much I have been looking forward to JIB, I have been thinking about the difference it (and other cons but especially this one) make in people’s lives I wanted to say something. Perhaps I’m wrong about the motivations--I admit to making all kinds of assumptions--but I don’t think I’m wrong about what it indicates about how the staff are viewing the fans. And that hurts. Because it’s not about objectification and shipping at all for most of us, even if it’s fun to talk about. Many of us just want a delightful thing in an otherwise painful time.

#sads #fandom life #personal #jibcon 2018 #wank adjacent #spn family #can't we all just get along?#negativity for ts #j2m #cockles #mental health #depression #anxiety #my thoughts

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