Aight I feel like I should go ahead and officially say this! I probably won't be drawing much of sun and moon anymore! I'll still reblog art and fics of them but I will no longer be a creator! Just a consumer!

'"There's a lot of keyboard warriors that have such a strong opinion on the roles that I play."

After her breakout role in Heartstopper, Yasmin Finney is back on our screens playing trans character Rose Noble in Doctor Who, as the show celebrates its 60th anniversary.

The 20-year-old trans actress tells BBC Newsbeat being part of the cast has given her "a kooky, amazing family", an experience she feels she missed out on.

Yasmin has spoken before about being close to her mother, but the beliefs of much of her extended family mean she has little contact with them.

"I don't really speak to them as much. I kind of cut them off due to my identity," she says.

Using TikTok, where she has almost two million followers, Yasmin has been open about her experience of being a transgender black woman as well as making it as an actress.

Growing up in the "mud of Manchester", she says school was tough but she was able to relive it in a different way while playing Elle in Heartstopper.

"I didn't go to drama school, I didn't have the privilege to see theatre shows every weekend," she says.

Yasmin says she's "super grateful" that her roles so far have let her experience "a little bit of what I've missed as a person growing up".

Yasmin was born in 2003, two years before her now co-stars David Tennant and Catherine Tate were first cast in Doctor Who.

It was their performances as The Doctor and Donna Noble - Rose's mum - that first introduced Yasmin to the Whoniverse as a child.

"I used to be obsessed with David Tennant and Catherine Tate," she says.

Now they've reprised their roles for the 60th anniversary specials alongside Yasmin, she says "it's a bit weird" to think about her fandom.

"But it's just an honour to be with the greats making something so magical."

Also making up an important part of the cast in those formative years was Billie Piper who played Rose Tyler and it didn't go unnoticed by fans that Yasmin's character is also called Rose.

"Everyone was like oh my God she's taken Billie Piper's role, what about Billie Piper? What's happened? What's happened?

"No, guys, I'm simply just named after Rose."

But that added pressure of being aligned with such a beloved character, as well as her trans identity, meant that for Yasmin there has been a downside to being cast in a dream role: online trolls.

"Any sort of franchise that has been going years and you get a black trans woman playing the role, people are going to have their opinions," she says.

"It's so funny because when I get a hate comment, it'll be: 'Your acting was so bad and I hate trans people'.

"Fair enough you had one opinion, but then when you tie my identity into it, it's just kind of unfair."

She can't control the haters, but she can control her response and so Yasmin says she's just focused on protecting her mental health and acing the role.

"Ultimately, I just want to deliver a good performance," she says.

"I want people to laugh, I want people to smile, I want people to cry. And also I just want to be good representation for people that haven't had it."

The need for representation is an issue that doesn't seem to be going away soon for Yasmin.

Both as Elle and Rose, she is a trans actress playing a trans character.

She hopes to be a role model for people like her growing up trans but at the same time, she hopes she'll be able to play a variety of roles.

Debates around which actors should play which roles should be a thing of the past, she thinks.

Actor Eddie Redmayne previously said playing a transgender character in 2015 film The Danish Girl was "a mistake", after some felt a trans actor should have been cast in the role.

"I think there needs to be such a more open space for any actor," Yasmin says.

"If you're a good actor, you're a good actor. It doesn't matter your identity, your sexuality, if you can sell a story, you can sell a story."'

I had to write my thoughts down and wanted to vent to the void. I wrote this last night after waking up at 3am from a dream that was very much *headfuck* and needed to finally format some of my processing.

I started identifying as being on the Aromantic spectrum last year, and got into a QPR just over a week after discovering what Aromanticism was. (Which in hindsight, I should have stood my ground and waited longer until doing so but nevermind)

Anyway, 2 simultaneous QPR's and a lot of trauma later I've been riding solo for over 4 months now and finally had that sexuality self evaluation that I've been wanting. Only now it's with more experience and awareness/knowledge of the Aromantic spectrum and community.

For the past year I've found comfort in my online Aro communities, specifically being AroAllo. I've found a niche little group of people who I can relate to and make me feel seen.

My evaluation and self reflection regarding my sexuality has made apparent something which hasn't taken me by surprise per say, but has definitely thrown a spanner in the works.

I realised very early on in my learning and journey that Aromantic and Asexual identities have parallel labels,

E.g. Lithromantic, Lithrosexual etc.

As I've been digging deeper into the rabbit hole that is sexuality microlabels, (because the Autism requires labels, irrelevant if I do or don't use them I needs them!) ((I just had gollum's voice in my head as I wrote that 😅)) I've unintentionally been learning a lot of specific asexual identities aswell.

Now, I've always had a complex relationship with my sexual attraction/sexuality surrounding sex, but for a long time just shoved it off as being because of growing up religious, sexual trauma, and just being wired a little bit differently.

The Asexual label never resonated with me because 1) I can experience sexual attraction and enjoy sex, and 2) my feelings on sexual attraction often change and fluctuate.

There had never been an on switch in my brain that went 'It me' and meant I compulsively had to go down a rabbit hole of finding my microlabels.

Until recently, sort of.

After a lot of self reflection I've come to realise I am somewhere on a very niche and obscure part of the Asexual spectrum. I don't know where, or exactly which labels specific to being on the Acespec I feel would fit just yet. This is causing me distress.

On the one hand I feel I will have a lot of mental stability and calm once I find my place, and a better understanding of myself going forward which will help me with, well, a lot.

On the other hand - I've grown attached to my AroAllo label and the community I have found myself in. I don't want to lose that.

Once I find my place and where it is on the Asexual spectrum I lie, I don't want to be giving up any previously established parts of my identity, and instead feel I can only claim AroAce (which I don't feel adequately represents my identity and comfortably fits me ).

My compromise/comfort term I have found regarding both my Aro and Aceness is Arohaze: a label which can be used as a middle ground for AroAllo and AroAce.

I just hope once I've finally figured my sexuality out my brain doesn't start telling me I can't co-exist between the two.

Nostalgia Defense

I was going to wait to write this blog once I fixed my personal website's blog but, I hit a bit of a roadblock in the coding so, hello tumblr. The topic of this blog has been on my mind for ages and I think I just have a good way of expressing it.

The web revival movement brings up a lot of nostalgia, its definitely the driving point for a lot of folk. And it can be painful to some extent- yearning for the early web to come back, even though it cant. The movement brings me a lot of heartache too, but it also pushes me back to everything I wish I could have again.

If you were closeted or had 'over protective' parents that halted you from doing things you wanted to, I think its a relatable feeling. Being an adult now, I look back at my young years and wish I could have done so many things. The early 2000s nostalgia hits especially hard with how its become an "aesthetic" for many younger than I now. They're living the aesthetic they never experienced, and I am seeing the experience I never actually got to have being turned into a dream for teens wishing they had it too- but I never had it either. Not in the way I would have wanted.

I got on the internet, sure. I saw the older web. But what I missed? Its everything else about the public appearance of that era. I never got the cool fashion- I wasn't allowed to be scene or emo as much as I wished. I never got to go to all the concerts for my favorite rock and emo bands. I never had a website of my own. I didn't use old school forums because i was shy and thus had next to no social interactions. i didnt have a means to draw online for years, i dont have any classic early 2000s furry art. etc etc etc. The 'public' side of it, like concerts and clothing hit most though because thats what a lot of kids are distant to and see as some cool past thing they wish they were alive for. When reality is for me (and I am sure many others) I was alive then, and I didn't get to have that experience.

That alongside diving into making my own personal website has been building this feeling... and I have been trying to understand it. Because this kind of nostalgia hurts. It sucks that it hurts- it makes me upset and angry, and I feel like part of me wants to throw a tantrum about it and cry and hurt so loud. It sounds ridiculous but nostalgia has a grip on me, and I think its ever stronger due to the 'loss' of a proper childhood due to traumas/abuse etc.

So what conclusion have I come to? What can I do about this???

Well, I am sitting here now realizing, I can still do all that- or most of it. I am making the website I never got to make. A while back I got to see two of the bands I never got to see as a kid who are still active-- it was the best time I ever had and it hit me so hard to finally hear them live. I am getting the clothes and fashion I was never allowed to own. I think somewhere in my head I was always being dragged down by the past that was long gone, and thats fair- but it isn't really gone if I go and relive it now.

I will always be sad that I didn't have this as a kid, but there is no reason to not do it now. I will go wear the early 2000s clothes I wanted when I was 13. I will go to a Skillet concert or an Evanescence concert. I'll make my personal website to reflect all the ones I saw years ago. I can be nostalgic but I can't let it upset me and dread the present day, because the present day can be whatever I want it to be right now.

I saw Avatar: TWOW this past wednesday, and these are my spoiler-y thoughts.

I went to see the original Avatar twice when it first came. Once in regular theaters, knowing absolutely nothing about it except “blue aliens on a forest planet”. Then the next time on New Year’s Eve, when we drove 100 km to a different city to see it in 3D, and needless to say, I was absolutely floored by the world and its beauty.

I was just starting worldbuilding in late 2009, and Avatar gave me the biggest inspiration kick I’ve ever had, that lasted for many years.

The story and characters were never the greatest however, and couldn’t really be due to the story the film wanted to tell. It’s fine. (I have to say Grace is my favorite female character ever, but that’s not saying a lot because I haven’t seen many interesting female characters. I just love her attitude, her love for Pandoran nature and her character development.)

So, when is the sequel coming? Waiting. And waiting and waiting and waiting. After the third or fourth delay (I don’t even know), I decided to just give it up and “It comes when it comes”. When the final release date was set, I joked online “Avatar 2 is coming in 2022? I’m so happy it’s finally coming in 2023! It will be 15 years since the first one! I can’t wait to see Avatar 2 in 2025!”, making a joke on the constant delays...

While recent big franchise sequels and reboots have been disappointments and I haven’t been to cinemas since 2018, this was the first time since 2015 I felt this excited to see a film. I actually trust Cameron to stay true to his vision and not sell out to make some cheap crap.

I also trust him not to put spoilers in the trailers, so while I’ve watched trailers like holding a piece of hot coal since HTTYD 2 (still pissy about it nine years later), I gladly watched all the Way of Water trailers, but I really tried to avoid seeing revealing information online (like who all the kids are).

All in all: I don’t think it’s as massive an experience as Avatar 1, but there’s a good reason for that.

The reason being, of course, that Avatar in 2009 was a shock to audiences. We weren’t expecting to be immersed in such a beautiful world, like something seen in a dream (and it actually was, by Cameron, many years ago...). Cue “The Avatar Blues”.

This time however, we knew we were supposed to be blown away by a beautiful alien planet, so the shock couldn’t possibly be as great.

I also can’t agree with the cast’s statements that “the stakes are higher”, I actually think the stakes of Hometree going down (and possibly the Tree of Souls) was a higher one than a man-on-man revenge plot and a family being threatened. It’s a different story and premise, so it is what it is.

This film is really all about family, and I loved that because it’s actually really rare in cinema, and something that’s rare in fiction full stop, is families having more than 1 kid, so I really loved seeing a family with four kids here (no, not counting Spider).

One disappointment is the soundtrack. James Horner’s parts from the first movies were not adapted, they were put in completely as is. Akula chasing Lo’ak? Music from Thanator chasing Jake. Kids riding Ilu for the first time? Music from when Jake rode Ikran for the first time. Tulkun killed? Music from Hometree’s destruction. If you’ve seen the first film many times and perhaps taken a liking to listening to the soundtrack, these stand out like a sore thumb.

And the rest, composed by Simon Franglen, just couldn’t hold a candle to James Horner. There were some good bits, and of course Neytiri’s song added some nice atmosphere and worldbuilding, but unfortunately, not a memorable soundtrack.

There were otherwise only two things that stood out to me, that I didn’t like. While the Omatikaya were not overly inspired by Native Americans or any other human culture, the Metkayina were definitely overly inspired by Maori and other Polynesians. The tattoos, even the brief haka display. It was too obvious. It’s as obvious as if Neytiri’s father would have worn a feather hat, as the chief.

The other thing, was the marine biologist explaining the intelligence of the tulkun. This is an alien planet, and I absolutely love the idea of having sapient species that are not humanoid, or building human-like societies. That said, this film, and its predecessor, definitely wants you to think about Earth all the time. What he says about the tulkun is almost word for word from Blackfish, where animal rights activists lie for 90 minutes straight about killer whales.

In Blackfish, they insinuate on no grounds whatsoever, that killer whales are more intelligent and feel more intense emotions than humans, because of a “part of the brain humans don’t have”. Yes, they do have that... it has to do with echolocation, of course we don’t have that. It has nothing to do with emotion or intelligence. They are extremely intelligent and emotional, but there’s absolutely no reason to think they, or any other whales, have more of it than we have. (For the record, killer whales are so compassionate to other creatures that they will kill a baby humpback or grey whale slowly in front of its mother, only to eat its tongue, a delicacy, and leave its trashed corpse to its mother, who is left hanging in shock.)

Since this was included in the film, and it so obviously wants to make us think of Earth whales, I had to roll my eyes and cringe for a bit.

I’ve seen nitpicking about other things, basically because they failed to understand something about the film.

“Why are they speaking English?” (Jake makes it very clear in an early scene that they are speaking Na’vi, it’s just translated to us. No way most audiences would want to sit through a 3 hour film in an alien language, not to mention how difficult it would be on the actors.)

“Neytiri would NEVER want to kill an INNOCENT person, that’s not her!” on her threatening Spider. What? That was perfectly in line with her character, and her best scene in the film. Her son had just been murdered, and the entire rest of her family was at gunpoint. The film made it very clear Neytiri never liked or trusted Spider. If you can’t understand her actions in that scene, I don’t know what to say. And he’s not a child, it’s not like she threatened a toddler, he’s almost a man.

Towards the end of the film, I was wondering why Neteyam didn’t have more of a story. Lo’ak has a lot going on, Kiri is clearly being set up for something huge, Tuk is just a child still... but Neteyam was just there to be a big brother. “Maybe”, I though, “he’ll have more of a story in the next film”. ...aaaand he was dead 15 minutes later. And I understood, that’s what he as a character existed for. Jake’s family couldn’t get out of this story without a loss, for story-telling purposes, I understand that.

But it also meant it was hard to feel something when Neteyam died. It was more being sad for Jake and Neytiri, than sad because he died.

And it was a really beautiful scene towards the end, when Jake and Neytiri joined with the tree to see him again.

All in all, I would give the film a 9-9.5 out of 10. Same as the original Avatar, which may just have a bit of an edge over this one, but they’re both absolutely great.

Debut | Iseol

First chapter to Iseol’s main timeline

Words Count: 3757

Warning: A few curse words

Iseol Masterlist

Early 2015

The time is early 2015 and Mari has been training for approximately six years, changed companies once, she has seen her fair share of people, friends that made it and friends that haven’t. Meeting a lot of trainees and trainers, she had so many monthly evaluations, danced to so many songs, sang so many songs and even was prompted into trying to rap, yeah, it wasn’t her thing. Having a disciplined life like that of a trainee wasn’t something new to her, not to the extent that a trainees is, but her past experience in dance taught her persistence, endurance and the value of practice. Practice makes improvements that’s for sure. However, one thing that she wasn’t ready for, was how disappointed she would be, seeing people in the industry make it while she continues in the practice room is surely discouraging. Her mother had warned her that debuting isn’t a guarantee, how she herself was rejected so many times before she made it as a model.

Seeing RedVelvet debut last year was something that shook Mari, she had trained with some of the members(Irene and Seulgi) while she was under SM and now they made it while she hasn’t. She’s happy for her friends but it’s a bittersweet kid of happiness, the I could’ve been with them is real, it made her think that maybe if she hasn’t left that maybe she’d be the extra member of the group. With all this Mari kept telling herself not to get discouraged, to just keep going. Pledis told her that her debut was near, this year, 2015 will be the year she finally achieves her dream of becoming an idol. She’ll turn 19 at the end of the year, she already finished school and enrolled in online collage, the last two years she’s been focusing on being a trainee, she had once promised herself and her parents that if by 21 she hasn’t debuted that she’ll find another career path.

Pledis has made plans of debuting a coed group. The group had a show going as a way of introducing them to the public before their debut. It’s true that there’s more male trainees in Pledis than there is females, but Mari had made her friendships nonetheless, with both genders. She’s been seen as the link between both the girls and boys, seeing as she had trained the longest among all of the females, and that’s just counting her years in Pledis. As time went on the boys were more than the girls, and it looked like that the group was going to have more males than females, something that didn’t bother Mari one bit, and she made it known to the staff and the managers. Her yearly contract with Pledis was ending soon, and she’s been in talks with the company for renewing it, if and only if she was guaranteed a spot in their next group.

It’s currently February of 2015 it’s, February the 24th to be exact, and Mari’s making her way through the familiar halls of Pledis, she had a meeting and then practice. It’s a big meeting that she thinks the CEO will be sitting in for. The day for her contract to be signed, she had talked to her family’s lawyer earlier that day and was told what to look out for, what to accept what not to, and so on, she felt ready. She bit at her bottom lip as she walked, feeling nervous but giddy if all went well then her dream will start to come true. So the rush she was feeling wasn’t something that scared her, her heart is beating loudly, she almost didn’t hear herself being called.

“Unnie!” Mari wasn’t the oldest female trainee but she knew the voice well enough to know she’s the one being called, turning around Mari saw Gaeun one of the female trainees and the one she considered closest to her. Gaeun is a year younger than Mari and so Mari looked out for the younger since she joined the company, Mari always had that motherly sense to her and liked to take people under her wing.

“Gaeun-ah, hi!” Mari smiled brightly hiding her nerves well, Gaeun jogged to stand in front of Mari, Mari being on the short side(thanks to her dad) had to look slightly up to look Gaeun in the eye.

“Do you have a meeting, now?” Gaeun asked, she looked so innocent in Mari’s eyes, she was scared that when they debut she’ll be taken advantage of her one way or another, but having the comfort of them being together calmed her a little, knowing that she’ll be there to look out for her.

“Yeah, I’m singing my contract, when’s your meeting? Dami Unnie said it was today?” Mari asked, remembering that this week a lot of contracts will be signed, Dami another female trainee heard the managers talking about it and told the girls.

“Yes, I think after yours.” Gaeun replied and looked from down the hall to Mari. “You’re signing right? You haven’t changed your mind.”

“Don’t be silly, of course I am.” Mari giggled, she talked about this since the meeting was set nine days ago. “I won’t leave you to debut on your own, don’t worry I have your back.”

“That’s a relief, I just wanted to make sure.” With that Gaeun pulled Mari in for a hug, Mari was startled at first but returned the hug, moving them from side to side.

“Mari-sii!” One of the managers called for Mari, he was standing by the meeting room door. “We’re ready for you.”

“I have to go, I’ll see you after.”

“Okay, bye Unnie, and good luck.”

Mari released the girl and made her way to the meeting room, her nerves came rushing back and she felt adrenaline pumping through her body, her heart was beating so fast it felt as if she had a bird flapping it’s wings inside of her. She had to get a hold of herself as her insides were churning.

This is it, she told herself, what I’ve been working for, what I’ve been slaving towards, what I left home for.

Walking inside the meeting room, the girl bowed to everyone present, her CEO, couple of managers and an HR personal. Taking her place at the table, Mari’s mouth went dry, her lips were already red from her constant biting at them a habit she wanted to stop, but that wasn’t her focus right now, at this moment the CEO was smiling at her and that comforted her a little, she had always been a model trainee, she has never been in trouble and always got top marks on her monthly evaluations. The CEO saw so much potential in her, for various reasons, there’s so many plans sat for her, but it was all in due time.

“Mari-ah, how are you today?” He asked her with a neutral tone.

“I’m alright, thank you for asking.” Ever the polite girl, Mari answered, surprised how she could keep her calm and collected not once had she wavered, that made her happy; none could hear her hammering heart then. “How are you, sir?”

“I’m good, before we start, I wanted to tell you that if you do sign the contract you’ll be the first female to sign, however some of the guys already signed.” The CEO told her and Mari had to bite on her lips, and this time it wasn’t because she’s nervous, it’s to keep her from smiling. Her dream is becoming a reality. “I wanted to sign you first, and thank you for all the hard work you’ve done.”

“Thank you, I’m happy to have been chosen.” Mari replied, the optimum idol in her is making an appearance, everyone had no doubt that she’s nervous, who wouldn’t? But they could see nothing, she acted as if she’s doing her everyday activity. With a nod from the CEO the HR personal gave Mari a few papers, her contract.

“As requested, we’ve sent it to your family’s lawyer.” Mari nods at the words by the HR, Mari hates relying on her family when it came to her work but in a case like this, with a seven year contract on the line, it’s a different case. Not everyone at the company knows who her family is and she likes it like that but the CEO does know, and he had agreed to the her request of getting her contract reviewed by the lawyer as a favor for the family. “But feel free to look over it and once you’re ready, we’ll begin signing.

Mari looked over everything just like she was told to do, and told her future members to do. Once she was sure everything was in order she began the signing process, a few papers were signed and everything was cleared and the HR pointed out what he needed to do before everything was said and done, and Mari had finally signed her debut contract. This year she’ll join her debuted friends and be an idol. The smile on Mari’s face wasn’t going away and she didn’t want it to go away.

Sharing a few pleasent words with everyone in the room promising to work hard and do her best for the company and the group. Once out of the room and the door closed behind her, she fist pumped the air feeling happy, the grin on her face permanent. And it didn’t take long after that Mari was on her way, taking the elevator to the training floor and to the room she was assigned to go to for training that day.

Walking inside the practice room, Mari saw that only the boys were present, not thinking too much about it as she was called by so many voices. They all were asking the same thing, and Mari knew they were dying to know.

“Okay, okay, everyone calm down!” She laughed and they all shut up to hear what she had to say. “I signed.”

Cheers were heard around the room as Chan jumped around making Mari jump with him, she’s giddy, happy and over the moon, it felt like she can do anything at the moment. “Another one, made it.”

Seungcheol said placing an arm around Mari, he and Jihoon already signed their contracts and Joshua, Mingyu and Wonwoo were set to sign today as well, the rest of the boys and girls were set to sign through out the week.

Speaking of the girls, they all came in but before anyone could say anything their dance instructor came in after them and everyone was in training mood. Just because they were being signed didn’t mean they’ll slack off.

Three days later Mari was still on the high of finally debuting, having talked to her family for hours the day she signed. Having her family in Seoul meant that she can go and visit them as much as she wanted, so she’s been sleeping there the last couple of days, and going to the company from her family house. Her older brothers were both studying abroad and so that made her parents excited to have Mari back at home even if it was only to spend the nights with them.

•───────•°•❀•°•───────•

Mari, Soonyoung, Jihoon and Minghao were all stretching out to dance in the studio for practice, laughing about one thing or the other when they were startled by a staff member that rushed into the room. She looked flustered and about to pass out, her eyes looking all over the faces in the room before they settled on Mari. The girl slowly stood up scared from the look she was getting, looking at her friends for any sign that they know what this is about, but they also knew nothing.

“What is Unnie?” Mari asked getting closer to the staff.

“I need you all to come with me.” The staff said urgently, it sounded like an emergency.

“Mari, or all of us?” Soonyoung asked, coming up behind Mari as well, everyone can tell that whatever’s going on is something not good and from how she was looking at Mari it scared them.

“All of you.”

���Why? What happened?” Jihoon asked but they all got up from their places anyway.

“Just come with me.” Turning and leaving the room, they all rushed to follow the staff, Mari’s palms were sweaty, she wasn’t looking forward to this at all. They were making their way to the the meeting rooms, on the administration floor, this is something important. Getting into the big conference room, the rest of the males in their group were present already, everyone looked confused. Seeing that they weren’t the only ones summoned made it easier for Mari, at least they aren’t the only ones there, but having the absence of the other girls still made it clear that something isn’t right, maybe they’re calling them.

“Is everything alright?” Mari asked before the staff could leave, she gave Mari a sad smile and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder, making the younger female dread this even more.

“I’m sorry Mari.” The female staff whispered and left the room.

“Wait! Why? What’s going on?” Mari called but received no answer, walking inside the room, Mari took one of the empty seats between Jeonghan and Vernon. “I’m getting scared.”

“Have you guys been told anything?” Minghao asked the rest of the guys, but no one had an answer, making small talk and speculating on what the emergency meeting was about, didn’t help or last long, before an array of different people, important people in the company came in, a few lawyers were present as well. The CEO was the last one to make it inside.

“Everyone here?” The CEO asked and once receiving confirmation from the staff sighed and stood behind his chair, his hands on the back of it, everyone looked stressed and on their last nerve, taking a deep breath before looking at all the young faces, he had personally picked for the group looking back at him with wide eyes, his eyes stayed on Mari for a little more than the rest, making the girl swallow the lump that formed in her throat. “Okay, there’s no easy way to say this, but there has been a change of plans regarding Seventeen.” Everyone held their breath, hearts dropped, eyes went wide and mouths went dry, sharing scared looks. “It seems like some people changed their minds and will not sign their contracts meaning they won’t debut.” Things started making sense to Joshua, Soonyoung, Jeonghan, Jihoon, Seungcheol and Seokmin. “Everyone here signed their contracts and that why you’re here.” Jeonghan took Mari’s hand in his, this is going to be hard for all of them but it’ll be harder for Mari, the only female present.

“W-What?” Mari breathed, her voice was quite only those closest to her are the ones that heard, her heart skipped a beat, fighting her rising panic she tried to take deep breaths, but even those were shaky.

“Seventeen was supposed to be a co-ed group but as of right now, Mari is the only female.” The CEO continues, Mari didn’t hear what else was being said, as she tried to understand and come to senses about what that meant. What’s being said can’t be true, it can’t. How can this be? She talked to all of them yesterday. All eyes fell onto the female, Mari opened and closed her mouth a couple of times before she looked to her side at Jeonghan who squeezed her hand. “I know it’s shocking, and this changes a lot of things, but the debut date has already been set so that won’t change, the line up is changing.”

“You’re kicking out Mari as well?” Jun asked, he doesn’t want to debut without his best friend. The CEO and the lawyers shared a look but didn’t say anything.

“I-I signed the contract.” Mari said and looked desperately at the staff and CEO, her mind running a thousand mile and hour. “It’s for seven years, I can’t wait for another group, Seventeen is my last hope to debut.”

“I know, I’m sorry this happened Mari.” The CEO said and sat down in his chair, he felt bad for the girl, however as of now there’s no definite answer as to what they’ll do with her yet. “I wanted you to debut, you’re one of our best trainees.” Tears gathered in Mari’s eyes, she knew where this was going. “We need a few days before anything is confirmed, but as of right now, there’s no other female trainees in the company that’s ready to debut, the girls that were supposed to debut all didn’t sign their contract and refused to continue as trainees, the possibility of debuting someone else in the near future is slim, so we’re trying to find a solution.”

“Since you signed the contract, we’ll look at all possible ways to make this work.” The lawyer said, he had a frown on his face as did a lot of people in the room. “The company’s legal and strategy’s are looking into everything as we speak.”

“In the mean time Mari, we want you to continue training with the boys, until we find a solution.” The CEO said and Mari only nodded, not caring to listen to anything afterwards, all she focused on is not crying. Soon enough only the fourteen of them were left in the room, Jeonghan turned Mari’s chair around and pulled the girl in for a hug. Mair clutched his shirt as she hid her face away from view and just let her tears out, her body’s shaking with sobs.

She was so happy a today and now it felt like everything went crashing down, her world turned upside down and there’s nothing she could do, feeling betrayed and stabbed in the back hurt. Why hasn’t the girls told her? They agreed to do this for sure, there’s no way all of them agreed to this, and Gaeun, how can she wish Mari luck only to leave her like this, possibly ruining all of Mari’s chances of debut. They should her out, left her to rot, they know well enough how the industry is like.

“Has any of the girls said anything to any of you?” Mingyu asked his members, his eyes not wanting to fall onto the crying girl.

“No, nothing.” Seungkwan said and moved closer to Mari, placing a hand on her back for comfort. They knew they’re set to debut but Mari’s future is now unknown.

“How can they do this?” Wonwoo wondered not expecting an answer, this is bewildering. Left them speechless and wonder their knowledge of the people they called friends.

“Mari-ah, don’t worry, I’m sure that they’ll find a solution.” Joshua said softly to the still crying girl, his heart broke for her, to be so close and get everything taken away from you, the girls left her high and dry, they didn’t even tell her before she signed. Assholes the lot of them. He thought they were all friends, that they’ll all debut together, they’ve been training for long together, they all have gotten close, or so he thought.

“Noona, we all love you and want you to debut with us.” Chan couldn’t help but say, he’s one of the closest people to Mari and is quite clingy when it comes to her. Mari being the motherly person she is had taken him and everyone young under her wing always making sure he’s okay, well rested and helped him in any school relates issues or homework. He was one of the most excited to debut with her, so hearing his voice waver wasn’t a surprise.

“Channie is right, we all want you to debut with us.” Vernon said and a corse of agreements soon followed, Jeonghan ran his hands up and down Mari’s back as she calmed down a little, pulling back and looking up at Jeonghan with still trembling lips made him pout and wipe her tears away with his thumps.

“Come on don’t cry.” Jeonghan told her tenderly. “You’ve got us and you already signed the contract so we’ll make sure you can’t get rid of us that easily.”

“Oppa.” Was all Mari managed to say before she started crying again, Jeonghan pulled in again for a hug.

Seungcheol hated this so much, he was angry more than anything, he hoped not to see any of the girls soon. Huffing he gets up and leaves the room, Jihoon seeing the state he’s in leaves after him, with Soonyoung following after.

“Hyung, where are you going?” Jihoon asked coming up behind the oldest member.

“I’m going to talk to manager-nim, there must be something we can do.” Seungcheol answered with determination, Mari had to debut with them, this is her last chance, there is no way her family would let her continue training and debut after this, if not with them then there’s no way for her to debut this is her last chance. Literally her last chance.

“We’re coming with you.” Soonyoung said, they shared a lot knowing what they had to do. And so the three future leaders all went on the hunt for their manager to try and talk them into letting Mari debut with them.

After Mari had calmed down, she was out of energy, there was little chance she’d be able to train. But she didn’t want to go home, so she sat on the floor of the training room while some of the boys half-assed their way into following the steps to the song that was playing, Seokmin and Jun sat on either side of Mari. They all felt like they shouldn’t leave her alone for a moment, she needed all the support right now. Jeonghan and Joshua along with Wonwoo were talking by the door in hushed voices, about Mari going back to the dorm she shared with the girls, they didn’t thinks he should go alone. Wonwoo doubted that the girls would still be there, Joshua stated that even if they weren’t, being there alone would leave Mari a mess and for now the girl made it known that she wouldn’t tell her family. If they find out they’ll make her terminate her contract and just pay the penalty. They had the money for that, they’ll do what any sane and capable family would do, even if Mari herself doesn’t want to.

What a mess.

2020 Oct 10 -Lucid Dream: The Last Push to Make Sindria's Prophet

*It's my birthday, so I'm adding another chapter to the Adventures of Simpbad :D

*I have been lucid dreaming since around the age of 6. I keep a dream diary and draw parts. Sometimes I like what happens in my dreams so much that I use it in my stories; that's why I go by "Mori's Lucid Stories" for my original work.

*I have had several dreams involving Magi so I've decided to add them to the Adventures of Simpbad Collection :3 The art will mainly be edited photos of what I put in my dream diary. I will draw things digitally if I didn't end up drawing anything traditionally.

*This dream happened when I hit the first road block in writing Sindria's Prophet and was the push I needed to fix it and what lead me to choose to post Sindria's Prophet online :3 Also, I didn't think I would be posting this dream when I started drawing it, so the first half isn't as well drawn as the last few pages.

*The original versions of this are still up on Tumblr, Instagram, and Twitter. This version has a novel version of the dream added, and cleaned up art of the original photos of the pages.

*I did rewrite a bit of the text in the images, but please let me know if there's any part that still isn't legible. Also so everyone knows, all of the purple and pink was done with colored ink traditionally, so I tried to keep that feel with the edits.

~POV Mori~ I was having an anime convention dream. I get those fairly often since cons are some of the most liberating experiences I've had. I had finally accepted that I had been hyper fixating on Sinbad for the past 5 years. I had tried my hand at writing fics but most stayed as concepts and drafts. I decided to try writing my first self insert Isekai, and had hit a road block. Thinking so much about an anime/manga was probably why I was having an anime convention dream.

I passed by a manga seller and decide to take a look. The only official English translation of The Adventures of Sinbad was a short run the first few volumes in Singapore. But here in this dream someone was selling official English versions of every volume. It didn't matter if this was a dream, I was going to buy them!

Having successfully made my dream purchase, I wanted to go somewhere I could sit down and read them. As I was about to leave, a familiar color palette appeared in my peripheral vision. King Sinbad was standing by the same bookshelf I was just at!

I knew he was tall, but it's different seeing him in person. Even with all of my fixating on him, Sinbad had yet to appear in my dreams. He was right there though! 100000% That was Sinbad! But this was a convention dream. He could be a cosplayer and not the real deal. The line often gets blurred in my dreams so did it even matter?

Two gold eyes turned towards me and I ran for the cover of another bookshelf. He was gorgeous in person and my heart could not handle it! Who knows what would have happened if I actually talked to him?!

'But this is my dream!! There's no reason for me to run away.' This dream has no signs of becoming a nightmare, so I could still change or remove anything I didn't like. Sinbad would never be able to hurt me in a dream unless I let him. 'I have been under a lot of stress recently though...'

It was worth some risk, but not a big risk. I took out my phone and used the zoom function of the camera to get a closer look at him without having to get close enough to risk him talking to me. That was something I didn't think I could handle yet. I also didn't know how long I could handle being around him so I sneakily made my way to the exit like I originally planned. As I got close, the gold eye in my phone screen made contact with me, and Sinbad smirked. 'ABORT!' I ran the rest of the way out.

That was more than enough Sinbad for me, thanx. I was no longer used to experiencing any form of attraction, and it had become a bit of a trigger honestly. Liking someone could always be used against me. My ex fiance made sure I'd learn that lesson....

This was a good dream so far, so I would not dwell on such things!!! There was a whole rest of a dream con to explore. I could go to more venders for impossible finds, or a panel, or watch cosplayers or stalk Sinbad Watching cosplayers, it is!

--- I find that the dealers room is one of the best places for spotting cosplayers, so guess where I went back to?

Cosplay is always really cool regardless of skill level or accuracy. It shows passion and love for a story. And some can be very creative in taking characters into different styles. In this dream there was a crossover cosplay of someone dressed as Inuyasha, but done in the style of Hollow!Ichigo from bleach. They even had on white body paint, and contacts that made their corneas black. Given how full demon mode Inuyasha was, the idea of a hollow version was scary, and rad as hell. His claw attack would be devastating- And he was destroying the venders with the exact attack I was just thinking about! The cosplayer was no longer a cosplayer! This is the part of lucid dreaming that isn't always the greatest. I thought too hard about something and it became a real problem.

I yelled at my mistake, "Stop that right now!!"

To which the once cosplayer yelled back, "This is a dream! I do what I want!" And what he wanted was murder.

The audacity! "This is my dream! Step off!"

He attacked me! "You can't tell me what to do!"

I dodged it, and I was done playing. "Yeah, no." If diplomacy wasn't going to work then there was no reason to keep him in my dream. "If you're going to be violent, you can go. This whole part of the con can go." Sometimes it's easier to get rid of the whole area than just one person since the area can hold onto the emotions and make the same type of thing keep happening. If I don't nip it in the bud it could become a nightmare or night terror, and God knows I've had more than my fair share of those.

The entire room got cleared into a white void. There was a floor and walls where doors into the room were, but everything else was gone. My emotions returned to normal too. This empty room was still attached to the rest of the dream world, so convention goers started walking in and getting confused about the missing dealers' room. Creating a new place for venders would only risk things going violent again. I made comfy chairs and cushions for people to rest on while I figured out what to do with the cleared space.

--- My safest bet was to change the genre so I could have a different type of environment. It had been a while since I had a fun adventure dream. To keep it from going potentially violent again I made it like a play ground or obstacle course instead of an actual place with real danger. I grew up during the PS2 era of games so beaches and platforming like in Kingdom Hearts, Jak&Daxter, and Ratchet and Clank are hugely nostalgic, and have become symbols of safety and fun for me. And so I made a beach with an obstacle course, platforming, and a fake broken ship. And of course, with a change of scenery comes a costume change. I went for something that was a mix of dance clothes and reenactment clothes from when I was in a reenactment pirate band -there was fake broken pirate ship here after all. (I decided it was a pirate ship because that seemed more fun.)

There was a cuddle puddle of three people in one of the chairs I made. I left the manga I bought with them, telling them, "Guard this manga with your life!" before heading out to the obstacle course I had made.

As I gave them a two fingered salute, I noticed that a familiar purple haired King was standing behind them. Everything inside me knew it was the same Sinbad from earlier and, that like the Inuyasha cosplayer becoming real, this Sinbad was real. Those metal vessels weren't only for show. What's more was I was not emotionally ready for coping with feeling attraction and fear at the same time again.

So I jumped down onto the sandy platforms below.

I made dream versions of my some of my friends appear. Hopefully, they would be enough of a distraction to make the Sinbad vanish. I ended up summoning art friends from highschool and college though, so they refused to explore with me. Instead, they actively reminded me who had shown up. "If you don't get running, he's gonna catch up."

Sinbad jumped down onto the starting platform and I bolted down the obstacle course. It was clear that my subconscious wanted me to face this; even if I changed the dream Sinbad would appear again. I had two options: face Sinbad and my fear of my own feelings of attraction, or turn the dream off into nothingness. Ahead of me, the platforms were leading to the ruined pirate ship; the next part would be inside it. And like a video game, the water around us meant death.

Sinbad calling behind me, gave me my answer. I jumped into the water.

--- The dream above the surface couldn't reach me here. It was quiet and calm. I could drift there forever if I wanted to -or at least until I woke up. As the feeling of safety washed over me, I started feeling bored. I had made a whole puzzle plaformer and I didn't even get to go through it! I had been in the nothing for a while; maybe Sinbad was gone.

There was no way I'd be that lucky. If nothing else, I could come up far enough away to have a chance to brace myself before he reaches me. I swam to the edge of an area further down the course. When I breached the surface of the water, I tried to will myself out faster than I could climb up. Two hands reached down to help pull me onto land. 'Who was I trying to fool...?' Of course, Sinbad would appear as soon as I returned.

He smiled down at me as I was finally standing on land again. "There you go."

"I could have gotten out on my own." Gosh, even to my own ears I sounded like a tsundere. This was the best I could do with my trust issues, huh? Dreams make emotional regulation harder too.

Sinbad's smile didn't waver. "Of course." In fact, he looked amused.

I grumbled, accepted my fate and sat down with my legs hanging over the edge. Looking at the water from here, it was obvious that I wouldn't have been able to reach high enough to pull myself out of the water on my own. If my subconscious was this determined to make this interaction happen then it was something I really needed to work through.

Sinbad walked over to where I sat down. "You're done running away?"

"I guess."

He sat down next to me, and crossed his legs and his arms. "So why were you avoiding me all this time?" He didn't look at me directly, and kept his smile.

I watched the water in front of us. "I'm scared of the things I like hurting me because I like them."

"Are you scared of me sitting here?"

"I'm not running right now, am I?" I wasn't scared of Sinbad. He was non-violent unless there were no other options, so he'd never have a reason to hurt me.

The King's voice was boisterous, "That's great news!"

I smiled at myself. "I guess I am doing a bit better." That gave me back some confidence. My smile broadened, and I made of show of shrugging as I continued, "I do still have plenty of reasons to be scared that you're close. You're also a greedy, egotistical, over powered asshole who has killed a lot of people -not to mention manga spoilers." The man was a walking death machine when he wanted to be, especially towards the ends of both mangas in the series.

"-Ah," was all he said in response. Sinbad was always the type to refrain from commenting when he couldn't deny the truth.

Now that I was thinking about the situation instead of panicking I was realizing some things. "I'm pretty curious on why you're talking to me." Flirting with con goers would probably be more in character.

He finally looked at me. "Why don't you tell me since you know me so well?" His eyes sparkled with interest and curiosity.

'Smarmy piece of- how dare he be this pretty! Fine!' My thoughts got stuck on his face for a moment since I was finally looking at him too. I thought about his question. Sinbad was power hungry by the time he became a king. And he had a growing god complex. And he actively sought out the strongest people in the world like the Aladdin, David, and Arba.

'Oh...' I had basically just erased and remade part of the world in front of him. That was why he hadn't followed after me when I first saw him; I wasn't anything special yet. 'My subconscious couldn't make him want to talk to me for nice reasons?'

I sighed. "I might like you but," that was obvious and I wouldn't deny it, "I'm not going to help you do whatever you want. I just didn't want violence in this dream." Now that I knew what was going on, I needed to set my boundaries.

Sinbad hummed, and looked out at the water. "I understand." After a moment he added, "We both prefer peace. It's a start."

That made me laugh. "You really don't quit, do you?"

Sinbad continued the good mood with flirting. "I got to make a pretty girl laugh so it's been a good day."

I gifted him another chuckle for the sentiment behind his words. I'm gender fluid, so not always a girl/woman, but I didn't think he'd understand that even if I explained. This wasn't the time to be pedantic. I was more interested in enjoying the improved mood.

We continued to talk in that light hearted manor about a handful of things. It was a bit of necessary self reflection involving my fears. It was okay for me to feel attraction, even if I wasn't ready for any of the steps that come afterwards. Maybe Sinbad was perfect for me in that way. In the whole series he never falls in love or gets married, and in that moment what I needed to feel safe was knowing that flirting was all it would ever be. I could enjoy feelings of attraction without the fear of being betrayed later because Sinbad would never promise himself to anyone.

Alright, I'm a few semesters away from earning my BS. I started this journey at the age of 19, fresh out of high school. It's been a fucking mess. Dropping out my very first semester because campus life was hard on me and I had no fucking idea what I was doing, taking a medical leave during said semester because of mental health, working my first retail job (and first job ever) soon after, watching a pandemic start and quitting my job soon after to go back to school while still living at home (mandatory online cause of pandemic), went back to campus during a pandemic where there were lots of restrictions, while still living at home (understandable, but why not continue online?), switching my major a few times, picking up my second job ever (retail again) while going to school and deciding to go back to online learning because life happened (so switching to a school with that option), switching my major a few times before finally settling on mathematics (yes, I've actually stuck with it for a while now), and taking a year break from school before just now coming back to it. And at this point, just wanting to power through the rest of my degree so I can FINALLY have it (it's been four years now).

In other words, I became the exact type of college student I swore I'd never be when I was in middle school/high school.

And you know what? I really wish someone would have seen how grossly unprepared I was in high school and intervened. Told me, in a kind way, to hold off and get some life experience before making such a commitment. Those scholarships and financial aid could have waited. I think I would have greatly benefited from taking a year or two off from school and working a shitty retail job fresh out of high school. I needed to shadow some college classes and do so much more college prep. Look at what these majors actually entail. Learn what it's like to have some financial responsibilities (nothing extreme like moving out into an apartment, but rather paying a small amount of rent every month, buying my own groceries, getting a credit card and learning about credit, etc.) You know, actually be taught some adult things instead of just being expected to learn them on my own? Well, some parents actually are on their kids about these things. Mine weren't/aren't. And it's tough learning it all on your own, so be grateful for your annoying ass parents getting on you about this shit all the time.

And yeah, I bet your ass the retail job on its own would have been good motivation for me to tough it out at that school I dropped out of in my first semester. In hindsight, being a freshman at that school, living on campus, seems like such a pampered life compared to two years in retail. And more fulfilling! Needless to say, I would be delighted to go back for grad school and I can't imagine taking it for granted! As much as I hate retail, and the past four years of my life, my social skills have improved so much and I have a much better idea of what I'm doing. A second shot at my dream school is now something I realize isn't something I can just waltz right into, and quite frankly, it just sounds like it will be a lot more fun in my mid-20's than it was as a teen.

Focus on two lifestyle counselling agencies

Whether true midlife crisis or simple want to change career paths, lifestyle changes have been more and more popular in the past years, attracting sims from all walks of life. From getting into a new hobby to turning over their life completely, more and more sims are looking to give more meaning to their lives and find their true calling. Agencies centering on these lifestyles changes have flourished over the years, gaining more and more popularity and reaching sims all across the nation.

Focus on two of these agencies, Postcard Legacy Enterprise and Dun&Don Corp.

Postcard Legacy Enterprise was founded just over a year ago but has become extremely popular thanks to the wide variety of services they offer. They specialise in complete lifestyle changes, helping sims turning their life around and finding the career and life they truly want to live through in-depth counselling and step-by-step teachings tailored to each individual. They are also partnered up with various companies to facilitate job inclusion as well as help with creating new companies and growing a significant clientele to build a lasting business.

Their approach centers on setting clear life goals their clients want to achieve, then giving them the means to accomplish them. Sims can sign up to classes or simply ask to meet with some of the agency's coaches, each specialised in different topics to provide the best advice for each situation. They also offer access to judicial and financial counselling to assist with administrative issues.  

This extremely personalised guidance is what seduced all lot of sims already and explains the rapid growth of the Postcard Legacy Enterprise, as exemplified by Mariah, their most recent customer, who accepted to give us a small testimonial of her experience with the company:

 "Thanks to Postcard Legacy Enterprise, I moved out to the island of my dreams and found the life I'd always yearn for. I even found the love of my life and we had a kid together! All of this wouldn't have been possible without their coaching, I'm eternally grateful for what they helped me accomplish!"

Up and coming new agency Dun&Don Corp. specialises in fantasy themes to give their clients' life a whimsical spin. They offer a lot of different classes to perfect a various range of crafts, from gardening and cooking to more specialised ones like space engineering. Their team of counsellors are trained to assist everyone no matter their difficulties, some of them even specialised in psychology to better understand sims who come to them and find the best answers to their problems. They are aiming to be accessible to anyone who needs them, accommodating sims from all backgrounds and abilities, no matter their social status or financial situation.

The agency is slowly gaining fame, and hopes to convince more sims to add a little magic to their lives through their personalised services. Attests to this the testimony of Dr. Tatiana Bjergsen-Blue:

"Dun&Don Corp. has helped me find a way to deal with the stress induced by working in the medical field and taking care of a large family. Their coach found the right hobby for me to focus on to recenter myself and reach inner peace! Now balancing a challenging work life and a home of five children isn't as taxing as it used to be."

More information on what these two agencies offer are available online on their websites, and their customer services are available everyday of the week for a better follow-up and an improved experience.

These two agencies are just a small sample of what can be found out there, and new lifestyle companies are created on the daily, making it easy for anyone to find the one they feel more in line with. Other examples of well known agencies include NotSoBerry Ltd. or the Decades Legacy Office, two of the most famous and praised ones you could find. With all these choices available, no doubt that you will find the one for you if you ever need it!

Mariah, Lorenzo & Darien by @wrixie | Picture by @wrixie

Tatiana Bjergesen-Blue by @auroragoth | Picture by @auroragoth

Postcard Legacy Challenge by @sojuteatime​

Dungeons & Dragons Legacy Challenge by @demonicrosebushsims​

Text by @auroragoth​ | Mariah’s testimonial by @wrixie​

Thank you Wrixie, Dette, Andrea and Jalf for your participation 💚

April Harlequin Special Edition Must-Read

Am I in my Harlequin Special Edition reading-Era right now? I just might be and I have no qualms about it. My current read is a Special Edition and over the past few days I've read three others (a post to come on those soon!). Her Man of Honor is an April release (Thank you to the author for sending me a copy) and is book one in Teri Wilson's upcoming Love, Unveiled series. Teri quickly became a go-to author for me; I've really enjoyed the Harlequin's I've read by her as well as her single titles she's published with Hallmark Publishing and Sourcebooks. If you're into royal romances, her Once Upon a Royal Summer with Hallmark Publishing is one of my all time favorite romances and I'm not the biggest royalty romance fan-but I loved it.

Her Man of Honor has best friends to lovers

a jilted bride

a Sex and the City tight-knit girl gang

dognapping

Audrey Hepburn classic movie vibes

surprise pregnancy

all glittered with believable conflict yet woven together in a sparkly way that only Teri Wilson can do.

"I'm supposed to be the love and relationships expert, and I just got left at the altar. You have to admit it's not a good look for the magazine."

The thing about Category Romance is that there is no time for fluff and honestly, that's the thing I love about it. Right from jump we meet Everly mere moments on her wedding day where she has been left at the altar. When Everly is facing a serious life storm she can be found hiding out in the bathroom and in this moment she is accompanied by Ritz crackers and a can of cheese (I've totally been there, but I usually have a glass of Stella Rosa for company!). Her bff and Man of Honor for the wedding, Henry, knows he'll find her there so he goes to be there for her. This very bff moment is really the catalyst for the rest of the plot, it's what gets things moving. This moment leads to a night of passion that changes everything for these two.

Everly is the expert love advice columnist for a wedding online magazine called Veil which as a result of being left at the altar throws her off her game and causes her to start dishing out terrible advice that soon-to-be brides don't need to hear! So she's snatched from her current position and demoted to writing about dog weddings and other random ideas the boss may have...until she can show that she's alright. Jilted at the altar, slept with my best friend...oh yeah, she also finds out she's pregnant and she knows it's Henry's because she and her fiancé hadn't been sleeping together. Henry considers London home though and works for an online travel magazine called Wanderlust. He's a Jetsetter, always on the go...so when Everly finds out she's pregnant and begins evaluating how to tell Henry and how to make co-parenting work, she has a lot to consider.

I shared in my Instagram stories that this book felt like I'd read the book of Teri Wilson's dreams. This book was unputdownable and I haven't stopped thinking about it since I finished it. Fated Mates recently did a podcast episode on books they wish they could read again for the first time and I immediately became overwhelmed with the feels of, "I wish I could experience the first time reading this," again. While it absolutely delivered on emotional wounds and conflict, it had such a fun tone to it. I feel like Teri Wilson has been plotting away or dreaming about writing this book for years and finally had a moment to. I for one am sure glad she did.

Fantastic read. Five glorious Goodreads stars. Keep it on your radar-you'll thank me later.

xx, Bree

Pierre Gasly to join Alpine in 2023 while Nyck de Vries earns his first seat in F1 at AlphaTauri

Pierre Gasly to form all-French line-up with Esteban Ocon at Alpine in 2023, while Nyck de Vries earns his first seat in F1 at AlphaTauri in the latest grid shake-up... with just two spots left to be confirmed ahead of next season Pierre Gasly will leave AlphaTauri to join Alpine for the 2023 season He will now be part of an all-French line-up alongside Esteban Ocon at Alpine Meanwhile, Nyck de Vries has been handed his first F1 seat at AlphaTauri  There are now just two spots left on the grid to be filled ahead of next season  By Nathan Salt For Mailonline Published: 01:29 EDT, 8 October 2022 | Updated: 01:29 EDT, 8 October 2022 Pierre Gasly has swapped AlphaTauri for Alpine to form an all-French line-up in the latest shake-up of Formula One’s grid for 2023. Gasly, 26, has filled the seat of Fernando Alonso, who leaves for Aston Martin in the summer, on a multi-year deal, paving the way for Nyck de Vries to claim his first seat in F1 at AlphaTauri. It leaves just two spots - Williams and Haas - unconfirmed for 2023, with both Mick Schumacher, current incumbent at Haas, and axed McLaren star Daniel Ricciardo sweating on their futures on the grid. Pierre Gasly will leave AlphaTauri and join up with Alpine for the 2023 Formula One season Gasly will form an all-French Line-up with Esteban Ocon (pictured above) at Alpine  CONFIRMED DRIVER LINE-UP FOR 2023 SO FAR ALFA ROMEO: Zhou Guanyu, Valtteri Bottas ALPHATAURI: Yuki Tsunoda, Nyck de Vries ALPINE: Pierre Gasly, Esteban Ocon ASTON MARTIN: Fernando Alonso, Lance Stroll FERRARI: Charles Leclerc, Carlos Sainz HAAS: Kevin Magnussen, Available MCLAREN: Lando Norris, Oscar Piastri MERCEDES: Lewis Hamilton, George Russell RED BULL: Max Verstappen, Sergio Perez WILLIAMS: Alex Albon, Available Advertisement ‘Driving for a team that has French roots is something very special,’ Gasly said. ‘I know the strengths of Alpine having raced against them over the past couple of years and, clearly, their progress and ambition is very impressive. ‘I want to give the maximum and utilise all my experience to fight for podiums and ultimately contribute to Alpine’s fight for championships in the future.’ Gasly, a one-time running mate of Max Verstappen at Red Bull, is helping to deliver the first all-French line-up in F1 since 1995 when Eric Bernard and Christophe Bouchut raced for Larrousse. ‘We were just two little kids from Normandy with an impossible dream,’ Ocon tweeted following the news. ‘Welcome to the Alpine family Pierrot, let’s make our team and our country proud.’   De Vries, who had been serving as a reserve driver, elevated his stock immeasurably as a late replacement for Alex Albon at Williams, claiming ninth place in his maiden F1 appearance. The Dutchman, 27, has taken an unorthodox route to F1 but has bided his time and now has his chance as he will team up with Yuki Tsunoda for 2023. ‘After Formula 2, I took a slightly different path with motorsport, but F1 has always been my dream and I’m grateful to be able to fulfil it.   Nyck de Vries has claimed his first F1 seat and will drive for AlphaTauri next season ‘I’ve had a lot of chances to experience the 2022 car this year and I think that has put me in a great position for the upcoming season, I hope this has helped to prepare me for what is to come.’ The fall-out of these two driver moves means both Schumacher and Ricciardo are scrambling to secure the remaining two spots on the 2023 grid. Haas are believed to be targeting former Renault driver Nico Hulkenberg and after Schumacher crashed out in first practice on Friday, further question marks surround his chances of snagging the seat at Williams. Daniel Ricciardo's future remains uncertain as he prepares to bid farewell to McLaren Advertisement Share or comment on this article: Pierre Gasly to join Alpine in 2023, while Nyck de Vries earns his first seat in F1 at AlphaTauri via Formula One | Mail Online https://www.dailymail.co.uk?ns_mchannel=rss&ns_campaign=1490&ito=1490

I'm the nonnie who asked all the BL questions what to watch where back at the end of Dec and the nonnie that said you're the best and ran away to watch more. And the gift nonnie too. 💜 My way of saying thank you for the answers and your kindness. And because I LOVE secret gifting :)

I got really lucky and turns out one of my exes who I am good friends with had a few streaming services already so I use those and Youtube, which means I don't really need to get another service but I did get gaga because they didn't have that one, and so we share that one in trade.

You mentioned looking over my shoulder to see what I was watching. So I will give you a list of all the ones I have seen so far.

The Sign (two episodes behind)

Pit Babe (3 episodes behind)

Love is in the Air (I just have to say...wowzers...a lot in this, like a lot a lot. Took me a bit to be okay with certain things but I did like it a lot, and wowzers again LOL I have watched it through twice)

Wedding Plan

Between Us (MY ABSOLUTE FAV AND I LOVE IT SO MUCH I HAVE WATCHED IT 10 TIMES THROUGH ALREADY)

Until We Meet Again

Even Sun

Bad Buddy (Thoroughly enjoyed this!)

KinnPorche

The Middleman's Love

Bed Friends

Naughty Babe

Kiseki to Me

Last Twilight

Blueming

Cutie Pie (and the second too) (Screamed when Boun and Prem showed up in episode 7 AND holy can that man (it should be obvious who) KISS *insert blushy face*

My Dear Gangster Oppa

Ai Long Nhai

Lovely Writer (two episodes to finish)

Why R U? (Finished the thai version and just started on the korean version because why not?)

(I didn't share all my thoughts on them just a few but I did enjoy all of them, even if there were parts that I didn't enjoy as much...)

So I have a full time job and have been devouring these when I am not working. And I know I still have lots more to watch from your list, and I'm excited watch them all. I have just been checking out stuff on MDL and getting distracted and pulled to ones you haven't mentioned as well. But I will finish all the ones you mentioned in your post, all the ones I have watched that you've suggested have been wonderful.

I'm most excited to finish The Sign, there's just something magical about that show. I don't know if I told you but you had reblogged a gifset of that series with an underwater dragon looking thing maybe it was a naga but it looked like a dragon and I am kind of obsessed with dragons so that is what started me looking for it and I love it, it's so well done.

Anyways, thank you. From the bottom of my heart. 💜

Sorry for the late reply, nonnie. I haven't been online in the past few weeks so I didn't see your ask until now orz

It looks like you've been quite busy since the first time we spoke 🤯 Reminds me of when I joined the fandom lol I'm glad things worked out with regards to the subscription services and that you're enjoying your binge-watching experience.

Having The Sign (and Pit Babe) on the roster was one helluva way to ring in the new year and I'm happy that you were able to watch it a bit while it was still airing. I long for more overtly queer, fantasy/supernatural media *deep sigh* but I will say that the covert/censored queer, fantasy media we DO have (The Untamed, Word Honor, Guardian, and The Yin-Yang Master: Dream of Eternity) are top tier. Fingers crossed that we get more shows like The Sign in the future. By the way, the dragon thing was a naga which I'm sure you've figured out by now lol

Re: Love in the Air — "wowzers" is an understatement 😂 I don't know what it is, but the rewatch value on this series is SO high. I wouldn't be surprised if you end up watching it a third time lol

What did you think of Even Sun and Last Twilight? I dropped Even Sun after the first ep, but I always wanted to give it another chance because of Boun and Prem. And Last Twilight is on my list, but I've put off watching it because of the quite a few people were disappointed with the way things went towards the end.

Re: Zee's devouring kissing scenes in Cutie Pie — I agree 1000%; he is truly in a league of his own.

Again, I'm happy that you're enjoying the shows I recommended and more importantly, finding ones you like on your own 😊

As always, feel free to stop by anytime for a chat and thank you again for the gift; I really appreciate it 💜

Critique of a manga I'm reading under the cut. I hope this doesn't turn up in the tag because I had to mention the title... I like it overall, I just need to vent about one aspect of it.

I've started volume two of That Blue Sky Feeling. I like it so far but it's really bothering me that the secondary main character has a 26-year-old ex. Maybe the characters are older than the cutesy style makes them look? I thought they were 14 or 15 but idk...

The adult is kind and gives the MC advice about sexualities but it would be so much better if he had just been the target of an unrequited crush who refused to date a teen! That would've achieved the same goal of hinting that the MC will be his friend's type one day.

There's a huge difference between 'older friend of the main characters who lets them hang out at his place, sets boundaries and only gives advice about romance and sex when asked' and 'adult ex of a kid who invites the MC out for a meal but instead leads him to his home and cooks for him because he thinks the MC would prefer to talk somewhere private then tries to nudge the MC and his ex into a romance'

If I've remembering well, I enjoyed some of the author's other work and I think he's nailed some common queer life experiences in his other projects but I feel like he probably has a lot of young fans that might need an afterword that says something like 'I accidentally gave this character a lot of red flags; if an adult who has dated kids in the past tricks you into going into their home alone, you probably shouldn't trust them.'

Coming of age stories (especially queer ones) need more intergenerational friendships (Our Dreams at Dusk did that well) so I feel like I shouldn't complain but it's really hard to get past. I'm hoping he'll retcon the dating thing and have a reasonable explanation like they chatted online but when they met up the unexpected age gap put them off each other and they just stayed friends.

Be brave and your heart will fix itself. 

Five personal accomplishments that made my heart sing, and 2022 isn't even over yet.

Where do I begin? The year twenty-twenty-two is breathtaking from my view. I have had so many life-changing experiences this past year, but none greater than the fact that I am finding out who I am, and I am finally getting around to doing the things I love. When I turned 60, I decided to quit a dead-end job, and trade it for a life that is all about pursuing dreams. My choice to move to a new city and start college when most people my age are retiring was probably a crazy idea. But I decided that I wanted the whole world or nothing. 

This year feels like what I always dreamed my life should feel like. I came to realize that a small shift in priorities and a lot of bravery will go a long way. I chose small significant goals, one layered on top of another, flowing like a calm river just past a turbulent waterfall. I am on a path that moves to the rhythm of the earth, in perfect harmony with god and nature. I am responsible, my future is in my hands, and I have the power to change. I look forward to each day with a new perspective all because I made the decision to change my destiny. 

1. I joined the student newspaper staff as a videographer.  I wanted to join last year but I was so overwhelmed with everything around me in my new school environment, focusing on my studies, that it was way too much for me. Last year I didn’t know anything about how to make a video on my own, how to operate a camera, or anything about editing, but I was fairly confident that I could tell a story. I had to learn a lot in a short amount of time. In case you didn’t know, the videographer for a student-run newspaper does the following: find the story, write, produce, direct, shoot, edit, mix audio, and narrate. There is no team involved. This year I proudly managed to do it all. 

2. I wrote and directed an award-winning music video.  During the summer of 2021, I decided to do a self-driven music video project to develop my skills further. After finishing my second semester I was pretty beaten down, my confidence was at an all-time low. But I wasn’t going to give up just yet. From the ground up I fueled the entire project, developed my script, and hired a crew to help me execute my project plan. Honestly, I wasn’t sure that I could do it, I was still learning how it all works but I put my heart into it, and I went for it. I had no idea or even dreamed that it would win a national collegiate award. But it did! 

3. I started to make fine art again after a 25-year break.  I wanted this so bad. To make art again. So, I did. I made the decision. That’s what I mean about small actions leading to tangible results. The decision to make art led to the action of making art. Sure It had been a while, most of my success was in my past and at this point, I had doubts I was even an artist. I had been talking about it for years. So finally, I just did it and now I sell my art as quickly as I make it. It’s almost too easy how that worked. 

4. I started my own vintage clothing business to support myself through school. On top of everything else going on in my life, I needed an income. But being in school full-time made it difficult to find a decent part-time job that fit into my schedule, so I started my own business selling vintage clothing online. I love shopping for treasures, and the thrifting in Amarillo is amazing, so one day it clicked that if I found the right platform I could sell my finds for profit. I see it as an extension of my creative side, to be able to cherry-pick the most beautiful dresses and coats and offer them to someone who can truly appreciate their value is a gift, and it keeps me afloat.

5. I adopted a kitten. Talk about my heart singing at the top of its lungs! This kitty is fire. He never stops entertaining and giving me love. He brings me so much joy and happiness. His name is Lou and he's a silly little man in a tuxedo. Heck, I may even love him more than my boyfriend. 

Change isn’t good, it’s great. It’s okay to be afraid, but it's not okay to be boring. 

We are all finding our way through this life. My experiences have been subtle and profound and no different than anyone else's, really, but for the fact that I have unfinished business to attend to. I had to learn how to laugh at my insecurities and not see them as weaknesses. My soul is free, my heart soars madly and I'm feeling good.

Sunshine & Roses (17.09.22)

It’s weird that I’m writing this in the middle of the month, but well, I didn’t write one at the end of August and I figured while I’m still in my fever-high phase, I should document how I feel.

August started out with a promotional single for my official album ahaha. I went to Siem Reap alone. It was a long overdue trip. It wasn’t a success since I barely socialize. I just got to visit a lot of cafes but I didn’t even manage to meet that one online friend. It was a warm-up for my flight to Malaysia in the middle of the month.

One week before I had my first flight in 2.5 years, I began coughing. It was crazy but I couldn’t escape it this time since it was from my parents. The worst case I could ever imagine happened 2 days before the flight. That’s how crazy how life is. I tested positive for COVID-19. It was a crazy period of time. I began taking COVID-19 pills too and tested positive the next day. 

I wasn’t fully recovered but was much better. I thought the workshop would be a normal experience since I have attended JENESYS 2018 before. It surprised me so much in a good way and ended up the highlight of this year. I’d never felt more alive. I’m so grateful for all the people I’ve met and the things I’ve experienced. It’s like I found a piece of myself back that’d been lost in the past 2 years. I stayed for 2 more days after the workshop and got to meet my jiejie Tian. It was awesome just to be abroad traveling again. 

I won’t detail since I’ve written 2 long articles on my blogs already haha. The next week, another crazy thing happened. My final project “The Two Parts of Me” was selected for showcase at Chaktomuk Short Film Festival! I could never dream of this! August was really crazy for real. It was really a winning phase! 

It might be a little thing for others, but it means a lot to me. My number one passion is film. Although I’m not pursuing a film career full-time, it remains an important part of me. My work being acknowledged means so much to me. It’s a small step in the right direction. 

From the end of August until now, I spent time working on 4 deadlines. I’ve worked on revising my docudrama. I feel so much more confident with it now. I also apply for a short film camp with my close friend. It feels amazing to write the script again. It’s just so good to keep the engine running. I’ve applied for 2 post-workshop grants with YSEALI teammates and Cambodian participants. All 4 deadlines were due this week. I don’t know. It was tiring and fulfilling at the same time. 

I don’t know what’s in store for the rest of the year, but I want to remain hopeful for it. I’m also preparing to apply for a Master’s degree too. I think this is the only article this year that I’m this hopeful haha.... I hope I keep this energy for the remaining of this year. 

august 24/2022 7:11pm

i’m currently on day 4 in separation/very low contact w my DM. it’s been 2 days since we last spoke- which was a brief interaction about a collab we’re working on together. this is the first time he initiated it.. after two weeks of finally getting to know eachother properly. it’s so hard sometimes on this path because my experience seems so different from everyone else’s. maybe that’s just my ego talking… but gadamn. not only do we have an age gap.. he’s in a karmic relationship and is closeted… i’m ftm.

before these past two weeks we didn’t interact much but saw eachother about once a month at friend’s parties or DnD since he started hanging out with my friend group again in October. he was my brothers friend from highschool and randomly invited him to his birthday party. I realized in february , after he drove me home after DnD one night- that we were twin flames. i had always felt a strong magnetic pull to him whenever we were around and a very strong sexual energy& i felt like i was becoming myself again the more we interacted. but i thought it was all in my head because he’s very “straight”.. until that night in february and a 25 minute car ride felt like 2 minutes. i told him about my past and i never felt so connected to someone before. i couldn’t explain why i felt so strongly for him- so i started looking online and came across the label twin flames. I had already had a spiritual awakening 6/7 years before but this really ripped my third eye open. I instantly began healing and recovered from a lot of trauma and codependency issues. I started taking care of myself and my space- instead of wasting away in a trash pile. it felt like i was reborn again. unfortunately that didn’t last long because the next time we saw eachother- he triggered me so deeply that I didn’t get over it for the next 2 months. And by barely doing anything, too. it kept happening, and i kept running. we barely talked from march up until august. where i finally opened up a little about how he inspired me, etc and we texted every day after that, until this current separation. i suppose i technically initiated it because i knew damn well he would be triggered by what i had to say but i also didn’t care anymore. i had already opened up so much and him barely at all. i was feeling pushed to take a step back because him wearing a false mask was triggering me. I thought we could just be friends but it was making it very hard for me to trust him fully. So I basically said that. I chased for like .2 seconds (a couple of messages) when his energy shifted and began pulling back- and then realized i had to let him go and do his own thing. ever since my third eye has been going nuts. ive been seeing signs everywhere.. having dreams, downloads… it’s been very intense and every day has been a rollercoaster of emotions. but im staying on my path and focusing on my purpose. healing from the past and making art. even though it fucking sucks- i honestly only really feel super sad when it’s his emotions coming through. he’s dealing with a lot right now, and not just stuff with me. i feel so bad and wish i could help but i know he has things he needs to go within to figure out. today i got a download of the lyrics from iris - goo goo dolls “i don’t want the world to see me, because i don’t think they’d understand, when everything’s made to be broken, i just want you to know who i am”