25 September 2023
Another day of learning, another day of adventures!
I started teaching religious education yesterday: At least, I would have, if any of my kids had shown up to class! I have to send an email out to the parents introducing myself. As of right now, there are only three kids in my class.
I need to prepare today for two job interviews that I have tomorrow. Both are with eating disorder treatment places near my house. I doubt I'll get a job offer due to how recently I've been in treatment, but I'm feeling a really strong pull to continue exploring a career in mental health treatment.
To-Do
Finish book two of De Doctrina Christiana
Read Apologetics and Catholic Doctrine, chapter 10
Read Apologetics and Catholic Doctrine, chapter 11
Watch Fundamental Theology lecture 6.1
Watch Fundamental Theology lecture 6.2
Review Resume
Practice interview questions
15-Day Language Challenge
Day 4: The most challenging thing about your target language
Each language has a language-specific challenge (something I find hard specific to the language) and a personal challenge (something I find hard about the language due to my learning disability).
I find Spanish a relative easy language to study. Because I've heard it my entire life, a lot of the properties come intuitively. As I advance in my studies, I notice that I have trouble with the more complicated verb tenses, as well as the conjugation of haber. Those are the language-specific challenges. My personal challenge is that I have aphasia (an inability to recall words), which hinders my ability to name objects in my original and target languages. When I can't put words to the images in my mind in Spanish or English, it presents some obvious difficulties, which are more pronounced when I speak Spanish.
My main language-specific challenge with Hebrew is the lack of Greek or Latin cognates. When I can use cognates, it makes learning vocabulary a bit quicker because I can draw comparisons more easily between languages. Without them, I'm learning entirely new terminology for languages.
~ Esther
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[27.07.22]
Third day of my old greek lecture
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30/09/2022
At the least, I have my books
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Every day I wake up angry that I have to talk about the holy trinity again. not that i don't like to talk about the holy trinity. but why is all of the theology I'm taught so profoundly Christian? how can you, as an institution, claim religious diversity within your faculty when the said diversity only comes in the form of 'supersessionism bad respect Jew'. give me Joy Ladin. give me Géza Vermes. even Paul the Apostle will do. i am so tired of hearing about Anselm of Canterbury and Gregory of Nyssa for the 30th time in a row. I am so tired of going through the same exact lecture plan for the 12th week. why am I only learning about the Christian imagination of angels in teaspoons. ffs.
you told me the Shema Yisrael has some profound Christian ecclesiastic significance and didn't even explain its original purpose. how can i take you seriously?
why is your course named 'introducing theology' as if it comprehends all theology? why not call it 'introducing CHRISTIAN theology'. sometimes being misleading can do harm. particularly when half of your talking points, are, in fact, not even Christian.
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KARKAT: BUT CAN A CIS GUY DO THIS? [DROPS PANTS. MY DICK JUST FUCKING FLOPS ONTO THE FLOOR AND BOUNCES AWAY]
ERIDAN: once in school i wwas wwalkin dowwn the hall at a brisk pace wwearin dress pants n boxers and my (HOMEMADE wwith nylon stockings + condoms + gak) packer just fell out a my leg n rolled dowwn the hall a little wways
ERIDAN: thankfully the only other person in that hall at that time wwas gamzee makara the wweird stoner theology / philosophy student wwho rode his bike around the halls sometimes and he literally just looked at me and said "Aw BrOtHeR. i HaTe WhEn It DoEs ThAt" and wwalked awway
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Still proofreading…
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The biblical need for a Good Omens season 2 musical is real, palpable, burning, and giving the final circle of hell.
Listen, maybe I've been watching too much Hazbin Hotel, and so the notion of Heaven/Hell musicals is stuck in my head- but HEAR ME OUT:
We're on one of the last songs on the soundtrack. Aziraphale is fluttering around the bookshop because he's about to confess his feelings for Crowley. He's singing his little heart out about how, after all this fear and self-loathing, he is finally ready to step out and go after what HE wants, not what Heaven wants. He's prepared, he's in love, and he's done with heavens bullshit. We get to the final chorus, and BOOM. Metatron walks in, cutting Aziraphale off, and asks to speak with him, and Aziraphale agrees.
The next song is instrumental because we, like in the show, have no real idea what was discussed in that meeting. It starts off cheery, maybe a little tense, before it gets somber.
And listen, all I need is a song where Crowley has just watched Aziraphale get into that elevator without looking back, and his heart breaks. I need him, specifically David Tennant, to sing about how Crowley will probably never get over Aziraphale and how, despite constantly waiting for him, it is killing him; it is a death he will gladly accept. I need a song where his rage melts into sadness, and we get a laid-back Crowley just asking if Aziraphale or God can hear him, asking why.
The last thing we hear is that the Bentley is starting up and driving down a busy street in Soho- but if you listen carefully, you can hear a nightingale singing in the background because the story isn't over.
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Good Omens academic au
Crowley as the eccentric astronomy/physics professor at a university.
Aziraphale as either librarian or theology professor at the same university.
They meet and argue over the ineffableness of the universe. Crowley and Aziraphale have the same conversation about Earth that they do at the beginning of s2 ep1. They fall in love through arguments and academic debates adoring the other's intelligence. Everyone else around them [mostly students] is placing bets on whether or not they are together. Some say they're married others say they despise each other but ultimately they never find out that the professors are actually too emotionally inept dorks who love each other but think the other person doesn't care but they will take any contact they can get so they argue and debate about the same topics.
Maggie is the music student to whom Aziraphale is renting an apartment and Nina is the grumpy campus coffee shop owner.
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Epistemology be like:
You know everything.
You know nothing.
You do not know enough.
You want to know all that there is to know.
You are content with what you know.
You know things now that you were never meant to know.
You know too much.
You refuse to admit that you still know so little.
You know less than you did before.
…
Knowledge is laughing at you from the sidelines, a bowl of popcorn in hand. Wisdom is nowhere to be found. God is currently doing paperwork.
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someone cold emailed me to ask if i was going to a writer's conference in los angeles and was putting together a panel or caucus for queer poets or if i knew anyone who was...buddy you are severely overestimating how much i network with other poets (i don't) and how often i attend writer's conferences (never) 😭
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📠
one thing i like about the new job is that public service really drives home how diverse and interesting any random sample of people actually is. you kind of can't keep thinking that there's one single way in which ordinary life typically goes when you're dropped into the middle of other people's lives on a daily basis. like within two weeks at a public service job in the most boring town imaginable someone will come in and be like hi i'm blind, can i have some adjustments for my advanced degree. hi my grandmother died, can i have an extension. hi i moved here from taiwan literally two months ago and misunderstood some instructions, can i repeat this process. hi i'm competing at the olympics, can i put my studies on hold.
there's just this certain kind of rhetoric that wants to make you belive that A Normal Person is this or that and their life goes this or that way, when really there's no limit to the chaos of human experience or to the endlessly new-shuffled variations of Circumstances and i'd defy anyone who believes otherwise to keep believing it after one day in public service
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28 August 2023
15-Day Language Challenge
(Corrections welcome)
Day 2: Your Handwriting
Here's a sample of my handwriting with both of my hands. One of the effects of my injury was that I became ambidextrous, whereas I was previously left-handed.
I start my fall classes today! This semester, I'm taking Old Testament Studies and Fundamental Theology. I look forward to everything I'm going to learn this year. Hopefully I won't end up in the hospital again; trying to balance saving my life and schoolwork was really stressful. This morning, I made a point of eating something so I could focus as well as possible today.
To-Do
Make a to-do list
PT exercises
Duolingo: Spanish review
Old Testament introduction post
Fundamental Theology introduction post
OT: Genesis 1-22 reading/notes
FT: Old Catholic Encyclopedia reading/notes
FT: Read Apologetics and Catholic Doctrine, pp. 17-23
Duolingo: Hebrew -> Unit 7 -> Describe locations
~ Esther
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[02.07.22]
Old greek grammar
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I think it's a basic human right to be able to write the most disgustingly obvious spiritual allegory. Like, rub alllll that symbolism and passion for your faith in people's faces. Subtlety? No. Let them drown in how religious the story is. Just rewrite a Bible story with different names. Make the Jesus figure a lion who dies. Just rearrange the letters of the word "escapism" to make a questionable allegorical tale on its dangers. In this essay -
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I really, really resent it when people don't fucking cite their sources when handing down an edict and attributing it to "the law."
I resent it even more when I can't find the law in question. And when what I do find contradicts what I'm being told.
So, um, citation, or I'm not doing it.
What are they going to do? Fire me?
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