tried to vent in a trans space about how, as a trans man who’s been on T for a long time (over 7 years now), i have noticed that the more i pass as a man, the less welcomed i am in queer spaces unless i go out of my way to feminize myself. and how that sucks! and it’s isolating!!! and it feels horrible to see ppl who used to like you and be close to you drift further and further the more masculine (& therefore more comfortable in urself) u become…

only to get ppl replying to me and saying “well if you dressed more fem then ppl wouldn’t be intimidated by you. you signed up for this”

i’m sorry but i didnt sign up for social isolation when i transitioned, i signed up for gender euphoria and comfort in myself and my life. and i had hoped that the ppl in my life would be able to see how much joy that brings me and continue to love me.

"No one cares if women / transmascs / afab people wear pants and boy clothes!!!"

On my knees begging you to talk to people who grew up in religious fundamentalist communities and high control groups / cults

To any trans man who needs to hear this: When they say they “hate all men” or want to “kill all men,” you don’t have to just accept that. It’s okay to feel hurt, it’s okay to feel unsafe. It’s okay to recognize that they are either othering your manhood or demonizing you for it, and to call them out for it if you’re in a position to. If they have trauma around men, they can work on that in private instead of expressing harmful sentiments around their marginalized male friends. You deserve love and safety. I love you and I hope I can help you feel safe.

the cis maternal urge to treat your trans son’s body like an extension of your own body, and to react to said trans son’s physical transition as if they might as well have just started hacking away at your own body with a rusty axe, really is something else.

my mom hasn’t seen my chest post-op at all because the idea of it is so awful to her that the one time we took my bandages off with her present, she ran across the hotel room to hide from it and started crying to my brother about it (yes, with actual tears). she drove an hour and a half with us at 5:30am to my post-op just to sit in the waiting room because she refused to come in and see me after the surgeon took the bandages off. my dad has been the only one helping me with recovery things like changing bandages and monitoring healing because she still won’t look at my chest.

and she says that’s because she loves me and cares about me. love is when you treat the body your child can finally live in comfortably like it’s your worst nightmare. apparently.

Holy fucking shit queer people really fucking hate masculinity

Like, I know anyone following me has seen me talk about this shit but fuck

This queer movie review podcast is talking about 70s glam rock fashion (a favorite of mine) and the one host says "an effeminate man is his true self, because masculinity is fake, the only way to be real is to be feminine"

Like, what the fuck? First of all, way to discount generations of queer people, and displays of queer masculinity, great job. Second, tell me you've never spoken to a trans man or a butch or literally anyone who's ever been forced into a feminine social role or feminine presentation without telling me.

I hate how pervasive this attitude is. I hate how it makes it uncomfortable, at best, to exist in queer spaces as someone who is not, can not, and does not want to be sufficiently feminine.

On my knees begging pleading for at least some of you all to understand that it's up to a trans man to define his own connection to womanhood or lack thereof and determine for himself whether or not he feels it is appropriate to define himself using traditionally female language and communities and whether or not he feels it's appropriate for him to be in a "woman's space." Some trans men aren't men. Some trans men are women. If you can't respect that, I don't trust you around trans men.

it's crazy to me how people now actually think it's progressive to sexually degrade random men by emasculating them and then further emasculate them if they dare to be uncomfortable with being sexually harrassed

^^^^ never forget that butch history is also transmasculine history & anti-butchness is always anti-transmasculine

Why does anyone ever listen to anything this dipshit says.

Anyways kinda weird that this post’s flying around Twitter at the same time huh?

something i rarely see addressed on here in discussions of transmasculine bathroom issues is the difference between men's and women's rooms, and the way it excludes transmascs with vulvas.

I am a trans man pre-surgery of any kind. ideally i would like meta with UL, but for euphoria reasons primarily- STPs are expensive and a hassle, so i have no issue sitting to pee. i am 11 months on T and do not pass. using the women's room bothers me, but i live in the southern US so it's safer. i have no issue dealing with it to quickly piss and leave. what i do have an issue with, is when someplace claims to be trans inclusive, but in practice, is not.

i had a pretty awful night. my boyfriend and i had been planning to try out a local goth nightclub for weeks, and we finally got the chance to go. when walking in, there was a sign on the door that said "no racism, no homophobia, no transphobia..." etc. i was excited, thinking that i may actually be able to use the men's restroom for once! a few drinks in and the urge hit- i was feeling anxious, so i asked a staff member if it would be safe for me to use the men's room. "yes of course, we are very inclusive, there are plenty of trans people here." in i went and....

5 urinals, and one single stall- which was out of order.

i turned around and used the women's room. i had no choice. of course, there were 6 stalls in there.

this is not the first time i have experienced issues with men's rooms having a single stall- at a gay strip club, i ran into a similar problem, where the single stall in the men's room was not out of order, but instead, had a line of 20+ people. i, and a few other guys, opted to use the women's room instead of waiting (clearly this design flaw hurts cisgender men as well!)

men's rooms being built only with people with penises in mind, and often all but excluding anyone who needs a stall, is an issue that needs to be addressed far more often.

edit: ive seen a few people in the notes adding their own experiences outside of transmasculinity, saying that they don't want to derail- i want to make clear that nobody is derailing. this issue absolutely intersects with transmisogyny, ableism, and general androphobia (which i define as the way patriarchal expectations hurt all men, not any group systemically oppressing men.) keep adding on your own experiences. this issue affects everyone who has ever needed to use the men's bathroom.

Op turned off reblogs but I think everyone should see it

pinnochio! 🫵🤣 you will never be a real boy!

i mean pinnochio did become a real boy. that was a pretty significant part of the story. i understand that you’re just being transphobic but pinnochio did very much become a real boy.

A friend of mine just posted on instagram, "Men who aren't trash don't give a shit when you call men trash"

And I know we've gone over this before but

I've spent 26 years of my life, and counting, fighting to be allowed to exist as a man, for my own rights and autonomy. I have spent 26 years and counting being taught that I'm inferior and unworthy of even the most basic human connection due to my queerness, my transness, my masculinity. And I certainly didn't do it so other queer people can decide that I deserve to be insulted for it, or that not wanting to be insulted for it makes me deserve to be insulted for it even more.

Trans men deserve better than this.

Considering that there’s another post going around that lands on this conclusion, I think it deserves its own succinct post:

When transmascs share instances of positivity to remind each other that the way we are treated isn’t all bad, it’s then used as proof of the whole of transmasc experiences being this way, and that transmascs are not oppressed as a whole.

When transmascs share instances of harm done to transmascs to raise awareness that transmascs are harmed directly within our societies, it’s used as proof that we are taking up too much room in conversations because the harm we face “isn’t bad enough”.

When transmascs share instances of outright murder of members of our community to show that no, transmasc issues are not somehow “lesser” because “we aren’t dying” because we are dying, it’s used as proof that we are trauma dumping and trying to make other people feel sorry for us—look at these AFABs being whiny and hysterical and trying to portray themselves as victims. Or that it isn’t specific enough to us so we should shut up and let other people speak for us.

Transmascs cannot speak about our experiences without being touted as an example of why transmascs as a whole should shut up.

This is erasure.

This Trans Day of Visibility, please remember your hyperinvisible transmasc siblings and recognize that their invisibility is a problem, not a privilege. Everyone deserves to be seen and respected for who they are and to have their voices heard. Uplift those whose identities are chronically erased, including but not limited to the transmasculine community. Spotlight transmascs of color and those with other intersecting marginalized identities. There is so much more transmasc art, history, and media representation than you know about. I hope you can see us and our diverse community through it.