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livingbythewords · 3 years

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Theo Raeken, Scott McCall and the concept of betrayal in friendship - a Teen Wolf meta

Recently I came upon an interesting and somewhat subversive perspective on two phenomena that have been occupying my mind for a long time – friendship and betrayal. Because these two themes are not only often present in Teen Wolf, but are at the very core of season 5, I had some thoughts on the psychological concepts of friendship and betrayal in relation to the series.

General consensus in our view on both friendship and betrayal suggests that we tend to view friendship as a natural state of things developing through mutual trust and loyalty with love at its core, whereas betrayal is viewed as disruptive event that causes mostly pain, confusion and destruction. The perspective I am talking about considers the possibility that "the roots of both [friendship and betrayal] may draw their energy from the same deep layers of the human psyche" (French, Gosling and Case, 2009) and that betrayal is in fact not something that comes out of nowhere and disrupts friendship, but rather precedes it and constitutes its inherent part. It also introduces a very interesting concept of "virtuous betrayal", which may be regarded as "betrayal in the service of a higher purpose‟ (Krantz, 2006). Both betrayal and friendship are therefore complex phenomena, which according to the authors are interdependent and have deep impact on each other.

I'm going to start from the concept of virtuous betrayal, which to me is interesting and rather uncommon and puts Theo's attempts at dismantling the McCall pack in a new light (at least to me). In Status Asthmaticus (season 5, episode 10) Theo fully reveals the motivation behind his actions:

I never lied about why I came to Beacon Hills. I'm here for a pack. I came for the were-coyote. The one whose first instinct is to kill. I came for the banshee. The girl surrounded by death. The kitsune, the beta with anger issues, I came for Void Stiles. That's the pack I want. Unfortunately, it doesn't include Scott.

What we see here is something which may be regarded as a fundamental difference in Theo and Scott's understanding of what the pack and friendship as the force that binds it means. Scott's understanding of friendship has its roots in the concept that Aristotle called vera amicitia or amicitia perfecta, a 'disinterested friendship', where the well-being of the others is of primary concern, and he is ready to make sacrifices he considers necessary (for example, his willingness to join Deucalion's pack of Alphas, knowing that there might be no way out of it once he agrees). Meanwhile Theo regards the pack mostly in terms of power and safety, where the element of friendship is non-existent. In his speech, he emphasizes only traits which are mostly viewed as negative, which is very revealing when it comes to his understanding of the world and its rules. He genuinely believes that removing Scott from his position as the pack leader is for the greater good; to him, friendship, love and caring that constitute the basis of Scott's pack are all weaknesses. This is the result of his formative years spent under the 'care' of The Dread Doctors and the values instilled in him, which are the exact opposite of what Scott believes in. Theo views the pack and leadership through the lens of utilitarianism, "to the exclusion of the pursuit of virtue and commitment to the good" (French, Gosling and Case, 2009), which is the complete opposite of what Scott believes in. He knows the Doctors' main goal – unleashing of the Beast of Gevaudan – and wants to get out alive; his main goal is survival. It is worth mentioning that he also operates from the point of a deeply rooted inferiority complex ("I'm not even a real werewolf"). Therefore he believes that what guarantees him survival and safety is securing his position as the leader of a pack by fear and control instead of mutual trust and loyalty.

This perspective raises the question of the degree to which he can be held responsible for his actions. I tend to disagree both with the view according to which Theo is considered only a victim, as well as the one which considers him only a "bad guy" without taking into consideration all the mitigating circumstances surrounding the way he was raised. We all act according to the values imprinted in us in early childhood, which shape the lens through which we view the world. Therefore, I deeply disagree with the view that Theo 'deserved' whatever happened to him. Of course, he does have the ability to make choices, and it doesn't excuse the bad ones he made (for example killing Josh and Tracy). However from his perspective, all the choices he made were necessary for both his survival and his attempts to feel whole, to be a real person instead of an artificial construct he perceives himself to be.

How does this relate to theory I mentioned above, which considers betrayal not only a fundamental part of human experience, but an inherent element of friendship, which in fact inevitably precedes it instead of outside force that disrupts it? Well, at this point it became obvious to me that this is exactly how Theo perceives the world. According to James Hillman and his reflections on betrayal as viewed through the myth of the Garden of Eden, betrayal is a natural and necessary stage in the „unfolding‟ of human consciousness (Hillman, 1975, in: French, Gosling and Case, 2009). Through betrayal, our real self is born, as it was depicted in the myth of the fall of Eden, in which the "death" described in Genesis – „of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die‟ (Genesis 2:16) – means the death of illusions that we as human beings like to hide behind, for example perceiving people as either good or bad without understanding that humans are complex beings with different motivations and initial circumstances that formed them. In the case of Theo, he was already put at a deep disadvantage comparing to the rest of the pack members and had no chance to develop positive and healthy values and coping mechanisms that would enable him to earn what he desired instead of taking it by force, which was the only way he knew for his whole life. Again, that doesn't in any way negate traumas and hardships the other members of the pack went through, neither excuses Theo's behavior and the choices he made. I'm simply pointing out the factors that were a huge part of why he did what he did.

Now, let's get back to Scott. It's interesting to me that Scott, despite the fact that this view of the world and the values he believes in are very different than Theo's, seems to understand his motivations, at least to some degree:

Scared people do things you wouldn't believe. (season 6, episode 12)

Life can’t ever be all bad or all good. You know, eventually, things have to come back to the middle. (season 5, episode 1)

Especially the second quote (regression to the mean theory) is interesting, because to some degree it agrees with Hillman's theory about betrayal being the necessary part of evolving human consciousness and the 'death' of illusions that humanity develops to avoid facing uncomfortable truths about themselves (such as Stiles rejecting the 'shadow' part of himself which then manifests as the Nogitsune). Scott's deeply empathetic and caring nature explain his enormous ability to forgive things that most people would consider unforgivable, which is reflected in the scene of his death:

SCOTT: They're not like you. They never will be.

THEO: Because I'm a Chimera? Because I'm not a real werewolf?

SCOTT: Because you're barely even human.

Barely even human. Even in his darkest moment, as he is dying at the hands of his former close friend and now his greatest enemy, Scott refuses to fully dehumanize Theo. He doesn't call him a monster. He doesn't hurl insults towards him. He still considers him a person. In fact, he never in the course of the whole show acts hostile towards Theo or mistreats him, not even once, although he would have plenty of reasons. The main emotion he expresses towards Theo is deep disappointment. He doesn't even express regret in having trusted Theo. He decides to trust him again by sending him with Mason to the tunnels and by asking him to get to the hospital to take care of his friends, which – if this trust was misplaced – could have serious consequences.

Although perspective on betrayal as a fundamental part of human nature inevitably connected to friendship may seem somewhat pessimistic, it may also seem the opposite. "In our heart of hearts, we carry both experiences together: they coexist, so that if one is dominant, the other is always present as a 'shadow' (French, Gosling and Case, 2009)". From that perspective, we can understand the necessity of forgiveness more deeply and be ready to work on and develop our ability to forgive, which can in time become our greatest strength instead of our greatest weakness. Just like in case of Scott McCall, who – by forgiving the unforgivable – made his enemy, the man who betrayed him, turned his friends against him and murdered him, into his trusted ally.

#teen wolf #teen wolf meta #theo raeken #scott mccall #text post #long post #meta #tw meta

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mcmactictac · 3 years

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well. That’s gonna be a challenge to summarize my thoughts on. Very very scared of how people are going to react to Wilbur this stream. I’ve already seen people talking about how he’s acting like pogtopia Wilbur again. Like guys. This is. This is about to be completely Incoherent but stay with me. (Disclaimer this is all roleplay, I’m always talking about the characters, not the cc’s)

Wilbur isn’t mad the way people think he is. Like I already know what people are going to say about the tnt and how the fact that his emotions are harder to read is gonna make it worse. But he’s upset because Tubbo chose Quackity over him. Not in a possessive way! Not in a weird way! But in a “you were my friend, you were my family and now you’ve left me too” ever since he’s come back Wilbur has been struggling to repair the broken relationships he’s had from before. And people (rightfully so) still don’t trust him. But he’s still lost it all. He really only has Ranboo now. Everyone he pushed away in Pogtopia has left him, gone on to something else, moved on from HIM. It’s a personal betrayal because it’s someone you care about so deeply leaving you. And even if he had good reasons, it still hurts. Especially when he’s going to Quackity. I’m not seeing NEARLY enough Quackity villan arc talk. Quackity scares me way more right now than Wilbur. Quackity is acting out of anger, Wilbur REACTS out of defence. He takes that next step when something prompts him too. Quackity wants to cause pain and destruction, he wants to see Wilbur suffer. As much as Wilbur wants to piss of Quackity, I don’t think he wants to hurt him. He left him the diamonds. He just likes that drive, having something to push him forward. And don’t get me started if we’re gonna talk about comparing the two of them. The fish tank with salmon? Him making a comment about the whole family being here? I am Absolutley going to read into this too much because Sally is canon and I’m running with it. He’s literally trapped salmon in a water tank, right where Wilbur exploded something. Water that basically makes tnt useless. And then the fish are trapped in that corner. He controls them, he has power over them. He put a fish tank there for a reason, especially with salmon. Taking something Wilbur has a history of caring about, trapped in a corner with water that destroys the thing he uses to defend himself.

Poor Tubbo man. He’s so happy. He’s genuinely excited about the burger shop and happy to be a part of something. He cares about the burgers, and Quackity just wants destruction. Why are we comparing Ranboo to Tommy in pogtopia when Tubbo and Quackity are RIGHT THERE. Look at Quackity. He’s fighting for power, for control, lashing out in anger to hurt other people. He gets pushed more, it won’t be long until that turns on Tubbo. We can already see it happening at the end of the stream. And Tubbo who is just wanting to make burgers, happy to have a place to feel a part of an accepted again. The same way I see Wilbur antis argue that WIlbur only used L’manberg as a tool for power, and he never actually cared about it? And he’d say of for the good of lmanberg? (Obviously there’s more to unpack with that but we don’t have time for that today). And then tommy is sitting there with his whole heart invested into this country. What do you guys think Quackity is doing right now. This burger shop is all about power, control and dominance over Wilbur. He doesn’t care about it. Only what it can do for him, and how it can hurt Wilbur. But Tubbo? Tubbo has his whole heart invested in making genuinely good burgers. Those are the parallels. No more Tommy and Ranboo parallels. Because that is not the right parallels to be pulling because-

Ranboo and Wilbur parallels. They’re becoming more and more frequent. The way they both try to internalize their feelings? Ranboo and Wilbur literally did the exact same thing today. Lying about their true feelings (to Quackity and to Tubbo) to protect themselves, to not show that vulnerability. They both close off and put walls up. Ranboo is sad, Wilbur is upset. Ranboo on tubbos stream today seemed upset because Tubbo took something they built together, and gave it away to Quackity without a second thought. And Tubbo doesn’t see it the way Ranboo does, because Ranboo sees it as a metaphor, as an extension of themselves and their relationship. That’s a sign of their friendship that Tubbo just signed away to Ranboo’s competition. (I’m not blaming Tubbo, he clearly does not see this the same way Ranboo does) Wilbur does the EXACT same thing. L’manberg was not just a place, it was a people. And it wasn’t about the physical place so much as what it represented, the strength and unity and connection between such a tight group of people. I feel like that’s why Wilbur got so upset and wanted it gone once it started to twist. Schlatt got control and suddenly that wasn’t what L’manberg stood for anymore. Suddenly that bond and those friendships were gone. Wilbur and Ranboo both have very big attachments to places like that, that mean something to them. They’ll never tell anyone, but they do. The difference is Tubbo doesn’t want to hurt Ranboo and Quackity does. Quackity and Wilbur are both incredibly aware of what’s going on. If anything, I think Quackity knows more than Wilbur. He seems to know how to hit harder, more personally than Wilbur does. Wilbur just created general damage, Quackity brought in Tubbo that he KNEW was important to Wilbur and used him to catch Wilbur off guard.

I haven’t critically thought enough about the tnt at the end, I want to go read a couple of posts before I talk about it. I’m honestly not 100% sure the intention. But don’t forget how clear Wilbur prioritized safety. He doesn’t want to hurt anyone innocent. He’s caused enough pain, and he doesn’t want to do that again. This is about Quackity, and he doesn’t want Tubbo caught in the crossfire again. Don’t forget that.

It hurts so bad to see how excited and happy Wilbur was at the beginning of this stream. It seemed like a genuine hey! Look what we’ve done! He was proud. He was happy. But he doesn’t know where to stop. And if Quackity keeps escalating, he will too. No one ever pulls him back, and then he loses control. It turns from something friendly into something else entirely. Wilbur doesn’t know how far is too far until it’s too late. I don’t want to see that happen to him again. He was doing so well at the start of this stream. Happy and excited to have created something, to have made his own thing again? And to have that thing he created, that he put that emotional attachment into copied and redone? To see that Quackity didn’t care? That burger place is symbolic to Wilbur and Quackity knows it. Even if Wilbur didn’t mean it to be. And it’s just one more thing he’s one lost, one more thing he can’t have. I don’t think his possessive tendencies are about control, I think it’s his last way to keep from losing the last things he has. Everyone has left him, and he’s lost most of what he cares about and so he tries to cling to the stuff he has left, of course he gets upset when it leaves again? It’s just wanting someone to STAY for ONCE. And there’s multiple times where he’s thought he’s needed to manipulate, and trick someone into staying with him. He’s not dealing with it in a healthy way, but it’s not an evil “I want control and power” it’s a “please don’t, I can’t have you leave me too” if he pushes them away, it’s one thing. If they leave on their own, it’s another.

Wow this is truly all over the place probably more thoughts later I did not edit this in the slightest so. Enjoy that

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luci-cunt · 3 years

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Hannigram??? Works???

aka: Hannibal and Will’s relationship isn’t healthy but at the end of the series its sort of has the potential to be? Or: a very long and rambly analysis of idiot gay cannibals and the power of equal standing in relationships

(1.5k words because I murder brevity with my teeth)

Trigger/ Spoiler warning for: Hannibal

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Ok I said they have the potential to be healthy and not that they are healthy because--lol, they’re not.

In the first season they’re “friends” but Hannibal’s also gaslighting the hell out of Will/ keeping a life threatening disease diagnosis from him/ framing him for murder/ shoving their daughters ear down his throat.

In the second season they’re almost enemies? but not really? Because Will is just as fucked up as Hannibal is so he doesn’t actually consider Hannibal to be his enemy, he just realizes he has Hannibal twisted around his finger and starts jerking the fucker around and it takes Hannibal all the way up to the finale to realize he’s not the one in control anymore.

In the third season they’re struggling because they don’t know how to be equals, they’re both fucked up and don’t know how to have normal, stable relationships so they’re jsut kind of feeling in the dark, falling back on old habits (eating your problems, murdering your problems, running away from your problems, etc) when things get uncomfortable. It’s--again--not until the season finale that they both realize that’s what they’re BOTH doing and find a comfort in realizing they’re both trying, but not succeeding.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Hannibal finds people interesting he “fosters codependency” so they cannot leave him (Abigail with the Boyle murder cover-up, Bedelia with getting eaten, Will with literally all the first season). Meanwhile Will just doesn’t do close relationships. Alana is the only person he considers to be his friend but she’s constantly fighting to keep that title, same with Beverly actually. Will himself doesn’t put any effort into keeping those friendships, he leaves it entirely up to them.

But Hannibal and Will’s bond forms so easily that it surprises both of them--and then when Hannibal defaults to his need to make Will dependent on him so he can’t leave, Will defaults to his rejection of dependency and points out that’s what Hannibal’s doing but also goes along with it because he finds himself almost wanting to be closer to the man.

This--the fact that Hannibal’s attempt at closeness is recognized and accepted, and that Will is allowing himself to be open with someone--is new to both of them. Equally.

(By the way this is in the form of Abigail, Hannibal fosters codependency by putting the responsibility of Abigail on both his and Will’s shoulders and Will allows this by recognizing it, pointing it out [”You’re fostering codependency doctor.”], and then still allowing it [going along with the Boyle cover up].)

Just--ok think about Dolce. (The ep where they reunite in the third season and Will tries to kill Hannibal only to get shot by Chiyoh and then for Hannibal to decide he’s going to eat Will’s brain before the Italian’s show up and kidnap them both.)

Will finding Hannibal is big for both of them: because it means that Will looked for Hannibal--actively sought him out by reflecting on past conversations they’ve had--and it also means that Hannibal was where Will could find him. It’s a shaky apology on both sides because they aren’t willing to actually apologize for any of their actions but they recognize the pain they’ve caused on another.

However, Will tries to murder Hannibal because he doesn’t know what he’s doing. I mean--he does--what I mean is that this relationship is such unexplored territory for both of them that it’s uncomfortable at first, and Will doesn’t trust Hannibal to be waiting on the other side while he stumbles thru the dark rn, so he falls back on old habits and tries murdering the problem.

Hannibal tries to eat Will’s brain because he’s also falling back on old habits (eating his problems) because he’s also uncomfortable with the new territory. He’s just more open to fumbling, but he’s hypersensitive to rejection (Mizumono, Dolce, getting himself arrested when Will tells him to get gone, that “Was it good to see me Will?” scene, etc.), and he takes Will’s stabbing attempt as rejection. At least until he drags him away and they have their “you forgive like god does Will--would you have made it quick? Or would you have stopped to gloat?” “Does god gloat?” “Often.” Conversation, and he realizes he’s not being rejected BUT he reminded that he’s still terrified OF the rejection so--boop eat the man.

(Oh also Will running away from the problem by letting Hannibal kill him--which, yes, is what was happening. He could have warned Jack that Hannibal was under the table as SOON as Jack came in the door but instead he waits until the last possible second. Also you can’t blame it on the drugs either if he can complain about Hannibal’s soup and keep up with this idiots waxing poetic ramblings he can tell that Jack came in. Also also also: Hannibal told him Jack was coming and also got under the table literally there was no reason for Will to NOT call out to Jack when he came in except that he didn’t want Jack to stop Hannibal.)

I guess what I’m trying to say is that in season one the power balance is in Hannibal’s court--and season two it’s in Will’s--and then in season three it’s wildly rocking back and forth between both of them before someone hits a metaphorical pause button--aka the “this is all I’ve ever wanted for you--for us.” “It’s beautiful.” scene.

Fundamentally I think this show is about Hannibal and Will’s relationship. The cliff scene is as much an ending as it is a beginning. That “it’s beautiful” exchange is both of them realizing they’re EQUALLY having trouble finding footing in their relationship, they’re realizing they’re BOTH uncomfortable to a certain degree with the new territory and that it’s just that for both of them--new territory.

Idk, you know when you’re taking a test and you have no idea what the answer to some question is so you’re slyly trying to look around to figure out if you’re the only one being stupid or if it’s just a hard test? And you don’t see anyone else looking around so you just miserably try your best but it’s not your best becasue you’re already in the mindset that you’re an idiot? And it’s not until after the test at lunch when you hear everyone else talking about how difficult it was that you realize you weren’t the only one struggling?

THATS this.

Hannibal and Will are both extremely lonely people becasue they’re fucked up. No one can know Hannibal entirely because he’s a serial cannibal, and no one can know Will entirely because his boredom with other peoples mortality scares them. Neither of them have been seen entirely until the other came into their lives, but they’re not used to being seen so it’s scary.

Both of them react to one another hostilely first--Will blatantly being an asshole at the prospect of Hannibal psychoanalyzing him and then Hannibal putting on this guise of “I’m completely removed from the situation and just curious to wind this man up and watch him go” but he’s not removed.

Honestly to me it feels like it was originally Hannibal’s plan to just leave Will in jail taking the blame for his murders, but actually misses Will, because being seen was scary but the other option is so lonely.

Will’s going through something similar, but he’s less inflammatory. Hannibal is all action, present--Will is getting too close? Get rid of him. He starts missing Will? Get him back. He has a problem and he acts on it immediately.

Will is patient and willing to wait and watch--Hannibal frames him for murder? Set up an elaborate series of events that will end in Hannibal losing something he holds more dear than his own life--his freedom. Mason kills his unborn child? Convince Mason to kill Hannibal so that Hannibal will torture Mason for Will.

Hannibal is dramatic and Will is apathetic, they’re both danger but different brands.

If the first two seasons are them trading power, then the third is them wildly grabbing for it despite the fact that they don’t want power over one another, and that final episode--that final scene--is them realizing this.

I said it was a beginning as much as an ending because it’s now that their relationship can finally actually advance, but it’s also the conclusion of them working separately, and instead embracing the idea of fumbling together.

I honestly don’t know where people get the idea that the show is about Hannibal “corrupting” Will. If that’s the case then this final episode makes this show a tragedy. Good succumbing to evil.

But--motherfuckers its not!!!

Will isn’t good, he tells us from the first episode he enjoyed killing Hobbes, that the reason he stopped being a cop was because he knew once he started killing he wouldn’t be able to stop. He manipulates people constantly, he got Abel killed, tried to get Chilton murdered, and then a season later he gets Chilton burned alive. He’s not good, he’s fucked up!!!

This show isn’t about corruption--it’s about realization!!!

Idk I love them, I hate them, and I love them.

#hannibal #nbc hannibal #will graham #hannigram #luci doesn't shut up #akjs;dlfjasdklfj #lol when am I going to stop talking about hannibal?#never #akjsd;f;lajksdf;lkja #they're just--FUCKKKKK so interestiiiinnnggg #ok sue me

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lady-griffin · 4 years

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DC’s Hex Girls, aka Klarion’s Devils - The Demon

Raven

Name: Rachel Roth Age: 18 Country of Origin: Germany Species: Half human, Half Demon

Height: 5′3 Skin: Very Pale Hair: Black/Dark Blue Eyes: Red

Raven is a young woman who has a strong desire to belong, but has come to the conclusion that she never will. Ever since she was young, people have always said - “there’s something wrong with her.” This stems from her perceived lack of emotions and her being a demon hybrid. People are instinctually afraid of Raven, even without her using her powers, something within them (animal instinct or whatever) knows she’s a danger to them. As an empath, Raven is well aware of how people actually feel about her.

When she was young, her mother died in a car accident and she went into the foster care system, where she was moved around frequently. None of her guardians could “handle” her. They would insist she was possessed, due to - furniture moving around, horrific nightmares, increase in anxiety/depression, shadows swallowing them whole, and so on.

Raven eventually ran away, deciding that people were better off without her. She did end up joining the Hex Girls, though, in the hopes that maybe she’ll belong. However, she was once more disappointed to find out that she doesn’t belong with them either. Nonetheless she stays as they’re the only ones who aren’t afraid of her (to an extent) and Raven doesn’t know what else to do.

Despite her caustic tongue and willingness to manipulate others, Raven has shown to be a compassionate and empathetic individual. It is debatable whether her lack of willingness to fight the heroes is due to her overall apathetic nature or an actual conflict of conscience. Of course, one should never take her reluctance to fight as a lack of power. Raven is extremely dangerous and there is a reason why so many are terrified of her (including the Light).

Raven tends to be the one with the most common sense and she often acts as the voice of reason within the group, bringing the others back on track in their missions. If one pays close attention, they might notice that she subtly prevents and manipulates Klarion and the others from not going too far with their acts of cruelty and violence. Eventually, Raven will have to make a choice in regards to her life and who she actually wants to be.

Powers/Abilities

Empath – Raven feels and knows the emotions of others and she can manipulate/influence said emotions. Thus, she is able to ‘persuade’ people into doing certain things for her - usually small actions or something that the person likely does within their day to day life.

Raven is very good at digging into people’s emotional wounds, she seems to know exactly what to say in order to cause the most damage.

Soul Magic – Raven can physically manifest her soul outside of her body in both tangible and intangible forms. This is the basis for the majority of her powers, including, but not limited to -

Astral Projection (Barriers, a Raven, Claws), Darkness Manipulation, Healing, Teleportation/Portal Creation, Telekinesis and so on.

Raven’s soul is essentially the embodiment of darkness itself.

Defense – Raven is very good at defending herself and her allies and she is quite adept at avoiding most physical attacks.

Intelligent – Raven has shown herself to be quite intelligent and she has an extensive knowledge on the occult and psychology.

Multilingualism – German, French, English, and Tongues (language of demons)

Control – Raven is not someone who is easily affected by others or her surroundings. Due to the nature of her powers, Raven had learned to be in control in all matters of her life.

Demon – As a half-demon, dark magic has little to no effect on Raven and she is extremely resistant to both heat and fire. In her true demon form, Raven is almost impossible to defeat.

Weaknesses

Demon – As a half-demon, Raven is quite susceptible to the cold and is extremely vulnerable to holy magic.

Control – Raven needs to be in constant control of herself and her emotions. When she becomes overwhelmed, she begins to lose control, causing her powers to ‘leak out.’ When her anger takes over, Raven turns into her true demon form; she has little control over herself as she’s blinded by her anger and desire for blood.

Empath Limitations – Raven is not a telepath, but she can read souls - which is less accurate and not very useful for battles. Raven can’t really control people - as there’s a limit to how much she can persuade someone into doing something that goes against their true nature.

Those who are not easily swayed by their emotions are much harder for her to influence.

Combat/Physical Attacks – Raven is not a fighter when it comes to actual combat. If one is able to get close enough to her, she’ll likely be down for the count with a solid hit. In addition, when her soul is separated from her body, she is quite vulnerable to physical attacks.

Time Limit – Raven’s soul can only stay truly separated from her body for a limited time. If her soul is unable to return to her body in time, she will die.

Soultaker – While other things (energy, magic, physical forces) can ‘destroy’ Raven’s astral projections, they don’t hurt Raven herself. However, Katana’s sword Soultaker is unique, due to its ability to take a soul. When Soultaker slices through Raven’s astral projections it causes Raven immense pain.

Apathetic Nature – Unlike Jinx and especially unlike Angel, Raven kind of just lets life happen to her. She doesn’t really fight for what she wants and she doesn’t seem to care for herself at all.

Relationships

Raven has a distant relationship with the others, but she does get along with Jinx, Angel, and Klarion much better than she does with other people. Overall, she has a very good relationship with both Jinx and Angel, but with Klarion it’s a bit more complicated.

Raven has a very antagonistic relationship with other bad guys, and people in general. She for the most part doesn’t interact with the Light in any real way, as she largely just interacts with Klarion and the Hex Girls. People tend to have a healthy dosage of fear when comes to Raven, which she encourages at this point in her life. Raven both wants people to be afraid of her, but also hates that everyone is scared of her. Raven doesn’t have the same anger towards the world that Jinx and Angel have, and is well aware that she’s in the wrong.

Jinx – Jinx is probably the only real friend Raven has ever had. She is one of the few people who is able to verbally spar with Raven and while the two tend to be rather mean to each other, this is just how they communicate and get along. Neither takes it personal. Overall, Raven is more likely to engage and respond to Jinx than anyone else.

Klarion – Raven and Klarion have a strained friendship. While they have bonded over their shared interests; Klarion is essentially evil and Raven is struggling with her own morals. When Klarion acts less as a friend and more as Lord of Chaos who bosses Raven around, she is quick to turn on him. Klarion is also somewhat fearful of Raven, as he recognizes that she is one of the few individuals who could seriously harm him or worse contain him.

Angel – Raven likes Angel better than most people, which is not saying much. But, while she can easily get annoyed with Angel, she does consider them to be friends. Raven will always come in to pull Angel away from a fight that she cannot win, no matter how much Angel protests.

Beast Boy and Nightwing - Raven is developing a complicated relationship with Beast Boy and Nightwing, as the two have been more than willing to reach out to Raven. In addition, Beast Boy and Nightwing aren’t really afraid of her, not like how others are.

Doll Divine’s X-Girl Scene Maker

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mrs-nate-humphrey · 3 years

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I’ve never personally been a fan of Derena after s1, but reading your posts made me sympathize a bit. I totally agree that them just being friends would be so nice. I hated the whole Serena pining after Dan in s5, it honestly felt like she only wanted him cause he didn’t want her. What do you make of Serena during the dair arc?

hi!! finally i have been re-united with my laptop and i can get to this ask! ngl, i was so excited to see it in my inbox, because i have a Lot of Thoughts about serena during the dair arc (some of which people have said before me, as some old LJ comments can probably testify, haha.)

this got very long and very serena centric *raises a mug of tea* cheers!

serena pining after dan and chasing after him like that was... i hated it too, and it made me.. uncomfortable is the best word i have for it, but also really deeply sad? i joke about serena’s ‘evil arc’ but as someone who genuinely loves her character and wanted good things for her, it was so painful to see her hurting so much and, instead of coping with that hurt in a mature way, causing harm to the people around her (two of whom she canonically loved very much; two of her favourite people in the world.)

the way i felt about serena during the dair arc was very much like... her reacting badly and not being sympathetic actually did make sense. i wasn’t a fan of how the show handled it and portrayed it, but given everything that happened with her in s3 and s4, i do think some kind of fallout was warranted and expected. everything that happened with lily, william and the fake cancer plotline was really messed up, and serena had spent majority of her life waiting for her dad to come back, and - i think we can blame lily for not being a particularly good (or present) parent, but i think serena had this very strong feeling that her dad coming back would somehow fix their family, or something like that. instead, his coming back caused a very new level of van der woodsen fuckery, and i think that would’ve been extremely traumatic for serena.

it’s also worth noticing that she doesn’t spend time after breaking up with nate in s3 to work on herself. she recognises that she needs to, recognises that she needs some time to recover and really find herself again. but s4 rolls around and she’s still feeling lost. going to paris with blair is fun for serena, but it’s also an escape - she’s actively not dealing with the stuff that’s happened, which i think is part of why her behaviour in early s4 is so chaotic and messy - leaving dan & nate hanging like that is.... mean. she should’ve been honest with them, she should’ve made a choice, even if that choice was ‘neither of you, i need more time, sorry’ or ‘hey, i’m not really sure yet, you shouldn’t have to wait for me to choose’.

i’ve said stuff very vaguely, mostly in tags, about serena & dan being very emotionally unintelligent, and i think this is serena’s emotional unintelligence - she wants things to be okay and alright again, but she doesn’t want to face her trauma and her insecurities to get through it (which... trauma is fucked up so i do understand that.) i think that’s what makes her such a sympathetic character to me. like, serena, you can run away from everything, but you can’t run away from yourself + your issues. you have to face them!! but she doesn’t really know how. nobody’s taught her this.

we’ve already gone into serena’s abandonment issues quite a bit, but i think serena during the dair arc was mostly those issues flaring up + the build-up of a lot of trauma re: the thing with her dad (that she was pretending not to see), serena feeling abandoned & lost because the only two people who she’s really ever thought of as ‘hers’, blair and dan, suddenly care about each other in a way that excludes her. we talk about the “dan and i have a real connection” thing in a dair way all the time, but the first time i saw that i was like “HELL YES” for dan and blair but like “ohhhhh noooo” for serena because the whole ‘we do things together that we could never do with you’ - which, i don’t think blair even meant in a hurtful way, but was probably the worst thing blair could’ve said to serena at the time??

it’s also worth noting that serena and dan keep going to each other when they’re at their lowest. serena reaches out to dan over the william thing, even though william majorly fucked over rufus, even though serena was dating nate at the time, it was dan she turned to then. when georgina takes milo away, dan immediately goes to serena, and she’s like, how are you, and he denies feeling bad about it, and serena (who probably knows dan well enough to know that it’s bullshit) humours him and goes “okay, let’s not talk about it” which nobody else was really doing at the time, which is why he went to serena. serena and dan’s high school relationship was very sweet and uncomplicated and i find it interesting (& a little sad, tbh) that when things go bad in either of their lives, both of them sort of immediately reach out for the other, almost like they’re trying to recreate the way their relationship was at the very beginning. gossipgirls has some great meta on this.

there’s probably also some jealousy over like.. dan and blair having found some stability and happiness with each other (without her! she’s no longer the person dan or blair loves the most and that hurts!) - and that they’ve found this stability while she still feels so lost and she’s drifting so much. serena’s gradual evolution into someone who really cared about being a socialite (??) and her reputation (to the extent that she was screwing lola over for her own benefit) felt very... drowning man clutching at straws-ish. like she’s lost everything else, might as well hold on to the one thing that she has.

this made me sad because i feel like... she still had dan. he didn’t want to be her boyfriend, he didn’t have romantic feelings for her, and he didn’t want to have sex with her. but he was still very much her friend. he confided in her!! he spoke to her about blair more openly than he did with anyone else (nate was right there, it’s not like the only person dan had in his corner was serena - serena was just the easiest person for him to talk to) and i really, really feel like if serena had just been like “dan, i want to be happy for you but i feel so lost, i feel like you and blair don’t need me anymore and i feel so lonely” or whatever... he would’ve understood!! he would’ve helped her through it! you know that bit with blair and serena in the elevator in 3x09? i can’t find the gifs right now Unfortunately but you know the scene im talking about - they both open up and talk and serena is finally honest with blair? i wish she’d gotten something like that with dan in s5 because like... this theme of dan trusting her with his heart (in a platonic way, but STILL, he was being soo honest and vulnerable and open with her) and her just being all supportive on the outside and sabotagey on the inside... like.. i didn’t like that for her, and i honestly think the level of evil they dialed it up to was cartoon villainny and very ooc for serena.

i DO see her having resistance and insecurity to the dair arc, but the sort of dishonesty and antics she was pulling felt so wrong and so un-serena, even in the light of all the trauma and the context to her acting out. the shephard divorce thing especially... serena spends so much of the earlier seasons feeling guilty and hating herself over the shephard wedding and the thing with nate. i don’t think she would do that again in any capacity - forgetting blair for a moment, i don’t think she would do that to herself. she hated the person she’d become back then & i do think serena is more strong-willed than most of us give her credit for (filming dan without his consent like that is a georgina move, it’s not a serena move.)

as for leaking blair’s diary... i feel like serena and blair have such a complicated and not always healthy friendship (that bit in s2 i think it is where serena says something about ‘im sick of always holding myself back so i don’t outshine you’ and blair is like ‘hey wtf??’ hits very hard because it’s so... understandable from BOTH of their perspectives, like i feel like i can understand how serena’s just been quietly holding onto all this resentment until she can’t be quiet about it anymore and it explodes, and blair’s insecurities make this moment one of her worst fears being actualised. but it’s an impactful moment because it touches upon the complexity of blairena.) serena leaking blair’s diary makes sense - i hate it, but i don’t think it was that ooc, and if that had been her only act of betrayal that would’ve felt a lot more realistic to me, tbh, given the way blair & serena’s relationship is and how often they hurt each other (sometimes even deliberately!!) like i would’ve just been like ‘serena! no!!’ as opposed to ‘that’s not my serena; what is this arc!!!” which is what s5 always makes me feel.

#meta #serena #this got VERY long!!#i hope it was worth the wait!!#anon #i got SO into writing this lmaooo i just love svdw very much #long post

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bellablue42 · 3 years

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Myself as a writer and Death of the Author

I’m trying to write a novel, and it’s really hard. I feel like I’m not getting anywhere, I’m on my fifth draft and trying to create a lengthy enough narrative that doesn’t feel like filler. It is difficult, to say the least, and I really admire people with the ability to write quickly and well.

But there’s a lot about She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named going around again, and it made me think. We all know that she’s not the best person, but she is a writer, and she is a creator, and her works are widespread. And that... causes problems.

Is it ok to consume her work? How much do her opinions reflect in her work, and can we spot it? I have no idea, but here’s my best shot, as an aspiring writer and a high-school literature student.

Please be warned I have no experience, and I’m kind of making this up as I go along, but here we go.

Last year, at the start of the school year, in Literature, my class watched Midnight in Paris. The movie was written and directed by Woody Allen, who is... well-known for all the wrong reasons, namely allegedly assulting seven-year-old Dylan Farrow. One of the girls in my class pointed out this fact, and my teacher nodded and said that we were discussing Death of the Author.

Death of the Author is an interesting topic. It holds that an author’s intentions and background should have no impact on interpreting a text. It is interesting, and it is really bloody hard to do.

Keep in mind that if you pick up a book by a relatively famous author, you will know something about them. If you take Mrs Dalloway, for example, if you’ve ever heard of Virginia Woolf, you will doubtless know that she was a writer and that she committed suicide, even if you know nothing else. The fact that she did commit suicide will influence the way you read Mrs Dalloway.

If you read Lady Lazarus by Sylvia Plath, for example, you will probably know that Plath was not mentally healthy and committed suicide by sticking her head in an oven. And that will influence the way you read Lady Lazarus. If you read any of Lovecraft’s work, you will come to the conclusion that he is a racist. It’s not hard to figure out.

Death of the Author means separating these facts from the way you interpret a work. It is really hard, trust me.

Because we look for links, everywhere we look for these links. We know that Sylvia Plath committed suicide, so when you read Lady Lazarus, you make connections. Go read Lady Lazarus now, go read it knowing that Plath committed suicide, and keep that fact in mind. Here’s the link: https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/49000/lady-lazarus

Now read it again, and try to forget it, all the connections you made knowing that Plath stuck her head in an oven. It is really hard to do, because you know, and you remember. Death of the Author is forgetting the context of the author, forgetting their impact on the text.

Here’s a thing, I write a lot. Like, a lot. Not published, obviously, but I write about as much as I read, and that is a lot. And I believe, that when you write, you put a bit of yourself into it. It doesn’t have to be obvious, maybe just the way you connect to a character, or your views on a topic. I can’t say I don’t do this - my main character is an asexual lesbian who panics a lot and loves her girlfriend. Her competence doesn’t come from me, but the gender, the sexuality, the panic? All of that is inspired by, you know, me. My experiences, my opinions. I am conscious in my word choices, I’m trying not to use gendered language for the soldiers, because they are men, women, non-binary, genderfluid and others, all together, so my main character can’t call them her men, they are her soldiers. It’s hard. I’m aware that I have biases, and my reading experiences are usually texts that ... do not do this.

Sorry, I’m rambling, and no-one wants to know.

But I as a writer, put a bit of myself in my work. And I think that’s what makes Death of the Author so hard to do, so hard to remember.

And now onto HER. I can’t remember what brought my attention to her in the first place, maybe a post about a Harry Potter tv show?

The problem about JK Rowling is that she wrote Harry Potter. And Harry Potter is... huge. The problem is that we grew up on Harry Potter.

Looking back, there are big problems with the series; plot holes bigger than my fist, a lack of original plot lines, and little creativity. Harry Potter is a mishmash of already well-established genres and archetypes, and it... doesn’t fit together particularly well.

(Take Dumbledore, at once the mentor archetype from the fantasy genre and the authority figure in the boarding school genre. The problem is that being both causes a bit of dissonance. He mimics the typical ‘wise old mentor wizard’ from fantasy, like Gandalf, but he is also a school headmaster. He is a grandfatherly teacher who takes an interest in the son of two of his past students, nothing particularly new, but at the same time, he’s a figure out of legend, an incredibly powerful man, both magically and politically. It is hard for my brain to fit them together well because they are two different archetypes and they don’t mesh. They belong in different genres, because the way he is written can’t seem to decide which one he is. I might write more on this later if anyone’s interested)

But Rowling’s a TERF. And she’s been on Twitter and said all sorts of bizarre things about the odd mish-mash of genres she’s created. I’m not really a fan of Harry Potter anymore, I grew up with it. I have seven books in a shoebox under my bed. I have read far better books, I have read many, many books with more interesting stories, better internal consistency and characters with actual depth, who don’t need fandom to be interesting.

And yet I still have all seven books in a shoebox under my bed. It’s hard. I genuinely liked the books - when I was twelve. I’d sooner recommend the Discworld books by the late great Sir Terry Pratchett than Harry Potter, and not just because of HER. They’re better books. Harry Potter is average.

But we loved them.

And Rowling’s a TERF. Her views on trans people are... not okay, by any measure. I don’t have words for ... how great the cognitive dissonance is. She wrote a series, a seven-book, eight-movie series, about the power of unconditional love. Over a million words, just under 20 hours about acceptance and tolerance. And yet she doesn’t believe that trans women are women.

The problem is that it is hard to apply Death of the Author. Once you know that JK discriminates against transgender people, it is hard to read Harry Potter without remembering that.

Then you get into other issues about how all of the endgame couples are straight. And Dumbledore’s only gay when the series is ended. And there’s a lack of diversity in the books and the movies. And once you start reading into it, it gets ... iffy. Because it’s not meant to be read into, not meant to be analysed. It’s a children’s series. But it’s problematic, not for the things it says, but fo the things it doesn’t say.

The thing is that SHE is impressive. As a writer, at least, not as a person. Because it is hard to write, and she managed an extensive, relatively-coherent storyline across seven books, released over ten years. But her first book got rejected, again and again.

Her net worth is somewhere between 650 million and 1.2 billion. And she earns all that money off a book series whose main themes are friendship and love. And she’s a TERF.

I can’t say I hate her - I don’t know her. She might be a genuinely nice person, but she’s a TERF. She doesn’t believe that trans people are the gender that they say they are. I cannot understand how you can believe that, but. She does, apparently. She wrote so much about love conquering all evil, and friendship saving the day, but she doesn’t think that trans women should be allowed into female bathrooms.

I hate her ideology.

Go read Discworld instead. Think about Death of the Author, then read Night Watch. It’s a great book. Or go read Good Omens, because Pratchett co-wrote that.

The thing about Discworld is that you can tell what Pratchett thinks is worth paying attention to. Small Gods is primarily about religion, about belief, and about people. The last one is the most important, because Pratchett believed that the greatest thing you can be is human and kind, and he’s right. The witches on the Discworld are... perhaps not nice, but they are decent, and they are fundamentally people. They are human, and they are kind, and that is what makes them good people.

The thing about Harry Potter is that “Muggle” sounds like a slur. There’s all this attention paid to the whole “mudblood” thing that people forget that behind all the blood purity nonsense - which sounds a lot like eugenics - the purebloods, the rich entitled kids, believe that non-magical people are less than animals. The Wizarding world is stuck in the Middle Ages, not even the bloody Renaissance. Human history has passed them by. It is so hard now to read Harry Potter without finding problems, like how all the magicals are fundamentally stupid, how a literal one-year-old is praised for supposedly killing an extremely powerful mass-murdering psycopath. A one-year-old. The Wizarding World is not a functional society, and it’s not meant to be. It’s not meant to hold up to scrutiny.

Look, Harry Potter is average, at best. Ask me for good kids books and I will point you in a dozen different directions, and I will point you in a dozen different directions - but not there.

Because Death of the Author is hard. Not taking the creator’s intentions and background into account when interpreting a work is hard. You can know that an author is queer, or a person of colour, or of a certain religion, but once you know it, it is hard to not see it.

You see, all the main characters in Harry Potter are white. They’re also all straight. Everyone not Harry Potter is flat. There is very little depth to anyone in those books, because they don’t matter. Hermione is defined by her relationship with Ron because her relationship is the most debated part of her character. Ron - in the movies at least - is seen as stupid because he is written stupid, he is written as comic relief. Book-verse Ron is a strategist, but that’s only really shown in the first two books. They’re not written with depth, they don’t need it. Harry’s the protagonist, Hermione’s the smart one, Ron’s the dumb-but-loyal comic-relief best friend. Ginny is the love interest, Luna’s the crazy one, the twins are comic-relief pranksters. Draco is the racist antagonist, Voldemort is a more extreme mass-murdering version. There are exactly zero trust-worth adults in a whole seven-book series, there are three? characters with depth in the whole series, everyone else is defined by a role and a single characteristic.

It is so hard to look critically at Harry Potter and not see everything that relates to Rowling. It is problematic as a series, and problematic as content created by a TERF. It is problematic as literature in the first place. It’s written as a kids book, but for all its ‘adult’ themes, it can’t stand up to scrutiny.

This got long - I got a bit carried away. Sorry.

Tell me what you think, tell me your opinion. I’d love to discuss this with you because it so hard to write about. Argue with me, tell me I’m wrong. Tell me I’m right if you think I am. Have I said anything problematic? Please lets start talking about this because it’s interesting and a difficult topic, and I think we need to start looking closer at authors and content creators.

#i didn't wake up today to write a long meta post #but i did anyway #long post #meta #Harry Potter #Death of the Author #please debate more with me #harry potter is problematic and here's why #this has no cohesion to it #please give me feedback #i apologise for shitty writing #this had no plan #sorry

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sarcastic-pasta-games · 4 years

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Hey everyone! Dev Katie here. The November 28th release date is still looking good and very doable, so no worries. I just feel like, since there’s been no fan art or anything we can share without spoiling the game, there’s not much to say. If you’d like to change that, by all means change it! We’re kind of quiet here and I’d like to be more engaging.

However, I wanted to say something else because we’re getting into a time that has historically been tumultuous and I’m hoping that, since we have a lot of followers, we’ll be able to reach a lot of people and hopefully get them thinking about this.

More under the cut because this is long but I think it’s important, since the next few months will probably be pretty turbulent for a lot of people.

I understand that emotions run high around this time and that everyone has beliefs and opinions that may run counter to what others believe. I understand that you might not understand why someone does not agree with you on something you feel to be important. That’s the nature of any election or situation anywhere. People disagree.

I also understand that we should stand against all forms of prejudice no matter where we find it. Race is not the only way we divide ourselves. We should never tolerate racism, sexism, homophobia, religious persecution, ableism, or anything else that directly harms people in a tangible way. This includes any speech that incites violence (i.e. tells people to harm others or induces panic for no reason).

I’m a firm believer in freedom of speech because it is a double edged sword; we have to allow people with evil ideas to speak so that we can speak out without fear of being imprisoned. That doesn’t mean we can’t condemn messages we find wrong or stop people from actively inciting violence, but it does mean we have to allow people to speak freely so that we can speak freely to refute ideas we think are wrong.

This freedom means that we’re going to hear opinions we dislike or find offensive. But as someone who is neither liberal nor conservative, I have observed both sides being cruel and even prejudiced against voices they dislike. I’ve seen both sides saying things like “if you vote for this candidate, don’t even talk to me.”

The world is so divided on everything right now, not just America. I want to say, as emphatically as I can, that I find all forms of cruelty against a person with different beliefs wrong. I know some people may not fully understand what they are voting for, but I’ve honestly seen that on both sides of the political spectrum, which is why I refuse to associate with either one.

Dev Sushi and I discussed at length how to write the real life friendship between Jenny and Cliff (which is explored more in later chapters) and we decided intentionally to give them very different backgrounds and even different beliefs on some issues. Nothing especially controversial will come up in the game, but we are hoping to display healthy tolerance for issues about which they disagree because their friendship means more to them than what policies they support or what religions they believe in. Both of them also have different privileges they have to face in order to understand each other.

I’m not telling you to vote third party or to renounce your beliefs, but I want to at least tell you this: listen. You probably have family members who have different beliefs. You may have friends with different beliefs. Heck, I disagree strongly with some members of SPG myself when it comes to some issues. But I do make an effort to listen to people, because listening to people is important. I believe that liberals, conservatives, libertarians, moderates, etc. all have the same goal: to improve life for everyone. I’ve even amended some of my beliefs this year in the wake of some of the issues simply because I received new information I hadn’t considered, as have many others.

I have a lot of respect for people who can understand other points of view, even if they disagree. With all of the propaganda on both sides you’ll probably see thrown at you, please remember that the millions of people who vote against your candidate of choice are human beings who deserve your respect, even if they don’t deserve your affection. I want to ask you to please stop hating people based on who they vote for or policies they support. Of course, if they support policies that directly cause harm to certain people because those policies harm others, that’s different, but many people believe that their vote is for a candidate who will improve life for everyone. There will be crazies out there, I’ve seen them, but for the most part, labeling everyone on either side as a racist or a snowflake does more harm than good.

With everything going down in these next few months, I want to keep SPG out of anything political. I’m not working on a sermon or a speech or an ad for a candidate, I’m working on a game. If nothing else, you can depend on SPG to deliver an awesome chapter full of what you’ve come to expect and no agenda other than a message at the end I know everyone can agree with.

I guess the only other thing I’d like to ask is for you all not to say somewhere that any of our characters (Mack, our version of Billy, Jenny, Cliff, etc) supports or denounces anything specific on either side. It’s fine if they’re against prejudice, but I didn’t write them with the intention of making them political symbols. There’s a time and place to put that aside and come together to enjoy a game. I want to create something to talk about if you’re sick of everything going on.

I’m not calling anyone out and I appreciate that many other fan games have taken this same apolitical stance. Our job is to unify people, not divide them. To educate, not to condemn.

So everyone out there, be you on the right, left, or somewhere in between, I want you to know that you are valuable and that you have something to contribute. Your voice matters, and don’t let anyone mistreat you because of what you believe. But also, listen to others. You might learn something. And you might be the reason someone learns to respect your position.

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libraribear · 3 years

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2020 in Review

2020 is in the books. What a year. It seems a given that through life, some years will be good and some years will be bad, and for many 2020 was one of the bad ones. Globally, it feels like it was the worst year ever. Personally, I can’t go that far. So many people have it worse than I do, and I’m leery of writing this post because I don’t want to sound unsympathetic as I count my blessings (before going into the undeniably shitty, but FAR LESS shitty things than what some other people are going through).

Nonetheless, as part of a New Year’s Resolution to create more, I figured I’d polish up this blog and write more, so here’s my 2020: Good, Bad, and Ugly. This is a heckin’ long post so only read on... if you dare.

The Good

I never lost my job.

A lot of my academic colleagues did - basically everyone who had “temporary” or “adjunct” in their title was axed. By virtue of being temporary year-to-year faculty for five years, I was promoted to the tenure-track in 2019. I feel very badly for my colleagues, all who lost their job to circumstance, not merit. Six years ago I took a chance leaving a steady job with a newborn to pursue my goal of being an Academic Librarian. The job was a one-year temporary position with no guarantee of continued employment, and I worked hard, interviewed for my job twice in five years, and managed to hang on. It’s crushing to imagine what it would have been like to survive all that and get axed because of a pandemic, and I feel very badly for my colleagues who suffered that fate.

I got to spend most of the year working from home with my kids.

Before I get into “The Bad”, namely that keeping a five and six year old on task while working a full-time job is incredibly stressful, the good was that I got to watch one-year-old girl grow and grow and grow every day whereas my two boys were in daycare at that age. I got to spend a ton more time with the boys and my wife too.

My kids live in a school district with resources.

We’ve made a lot of strides in Distance Education, but it still isn’t ideal. I feel like my kids’ school district is doing the best they can to make it work. I feel extremely fortunate to live in a district where that was an option from the start, with full distance, hybrid, and in-person options. Not wanting to expose my kids or their teachers to any risk, we’ve gone full distance the whole time. we chose this to keep our kids as safe as possible, so I hope you’ll forgive me when I go into detail under The Bad as why it sucks for everyone involved. ;)

Ms. Bear and I started Doctoral Programs

File this one under “things I’d have never done if I knew the pandemic was going to be this much of a problem in Fall”, but it’s still a good thing - and definitely not the kind of thing I would do if it wasn’t free through my university. With Ms. Bear it’s more of a life-fulfillment thing and I’m happy that I can help her realize her dream.

The Bad

Distance Education Requires Training - Students Are Struggling

My college freshmen struggled to adapt to their first year seminar class and I attempted to make it as easy as possible for them to follow along, engage online, have second and third chances to turn in assignments... it didn’t matter. Elementary school students have it worse - my kids struggle to stay on task, and me and Ms. Bear do our best to keep them on task. I feel really bad for those kids whose parents can’t work from home or are too busy to stay on them and help them with distance education. I’m not anti-distance education by any stretch, but the pandemic forced a lot of people to switch to it relatively quickly and since distance education is by its nature very self-directed even with a good teacher/instructor, some people unused to this method really struggle.

I should note that none of this is meant as a criticism of the decision to go for distance education. Health is most important, period, and those politicians that are like “But think of the children, send them to school” - well, hold them back a year if it’s that bad. I repeated the first grade. It’s better than dying. I worry less about the kids’ educational attainment and more for those kids from bad homes where school is a safe haven/source of food. If you’re that worried about it pass some laws to help.

The Roof, The Roof, The Roof is leaking water

When you find a tiny leak in your roof, if you can afford it, pay the money and fix it. Don’t wait “because it’s a pandemic and we may need that money”. The money sat in my bank account until the the bedroom ceiling started to drop a few months later. Definitely the decision of 2020 I’d most like back.

2020 Was Not The Year to Reduce Stress.

I think everyone is running on fumes by the time they got to the end of this year. For my wife and I as young parents (can’t help that), full-time workers (gotta eat to live), and grad students (like I said above, if I had a do-over I’d DEFINITELY have waited until 2021, the pandemic represented the steady erosion of all the gains I made the past year. Anxiety? Back up. Overall level of physical fitness and nutrition? I was exercising and eating and feeling really healthy in March, but I eat (and feel) like crap now.

The Ugly

Misinformation, Misinformation Everywhere... and Politics

Misinformation is nothing new for a US Presidential Election year. But as a librarian whose job it is to promote information literacy, understanding which sources are indeed trustworthy and which are not, this election year was frankly, terrifying for me. I mean, if you know a source is trustworthy because of the standards and norms that are used to govern it, but people simply roll to disbelief it’s trustworthiness... I’m not sure how in the hell you get through to them. Lest this be construed as too political a post (I did get a little political above, hee), I’m going to stress that these information discernment skills that seem to be lacking are skills people on both Team Blue Donkey and Team Red Elephant lack. Add to that the psuedoscience, lack of fact-checking, and the whole “If it doesn’t agree with my worldview, I refuse to believe it” attitude illuminated by the pandemic and I’m not going to lie, this shit is terrifying to me. I’m hoping it’s just a phase we’re going through in America, but geez. I’m not a doom and gloomer, but this year was TOUGH in the whole “Faith in humanity’s ability to reason” department. I’ll listen to anyone’s political opinion if they back it up with well-researched sources and facts, but rather than driving closer to this goal, we’re heading in the wrong direction.

I should note that to me, it’s not just Team Red Elephant that has trouble discerning information, or is duplicitous. I need to make that clear. I definitely lean left and it’s not hard to see why - I mean, I’m a heckin’ librarian for crying out loud. But lying and misinformation or misconstruing facts? Some politicians may be more egregious offenders, but most politicians do that regardless of stripe. I feel politics are more like a teeter totter constantly switching up and down. We do ourselves a disservice when we believe everyone on our team is rational and level-headed and everyone on the other team is evil, stupid, irrational. There was a time when we could have discourse, and through disagreements we could at least learn from one another. I intensely understand the desire to make and justify political beliefs, but they’re not how we progress in a country that’s run the way the US is. Maybe it’s always been this way, but as I’ve aged I notice we have a lot more tendency to anoint a politician of our political stripe as a savior. Whatever happened to the old worldview that all politicians were lying dirtbags and though you might side with them, you could never fully trust them? It seems to have been turned on its head, I’m not sure how, to “Trust my side implicitly, DO NOT TRUST THE OTHER SIDE AT ALL.” That one side could be a bastion of truth and virtue and the other a bastion of evil and ugliness is, I’m not gonna lie, extremely unlikely.

Do as I say, not as I do. I got swept up in the political fervor myself with my D&D Friends - for a time we had a “Just Politics” channel to talk politics. That was a big mistake. Though no friendships were ended, that channel alone intensified my anxiety tenfold (MY FRIEND IS WRONG ON THE INTERNET! I HAVE TO SHOW THEM THE ERROR OF THEIR WAYS!) and... yeah. The BEST decision I made in 2020 was folding and walking away from the political discussion table - but it took me a few months of arguing and stressing to get there. I’ve reverted back to trying to do good for all people in my little corner of the world and the web by treating everyone respectfully and rationally unless they give me reason to do otherwise, at which point I’m far more likely to ignore you than engage with you. I hate that I have to do that, but it is what it is. If I talk politics, it’s privately with someone I know that is sane enough to safely distance from the chaos, or someone I trust implicitly. I won’t deny that it’s a very fascinating subject to me since politics is so ingrained into human nature, but good lord, what a minefield.

UGLY Bonus Edit (I always think of the coolest things to say right after I hit post, after all)

A last thought - whenever we’re confronted with a worldview we disagree with, whatever happened to asking the person why they feel that way or what they meant before immediately labeling them scum on Earth? We don’t even bother to fact check the people we loathe when honestly at worst you’re just confirming suspicions, at best you may even cause them to question why they believe what they believe? I can’t remember the last political or heated conversation I’ve seen where that happened. When I was fighting with my friends on “Just Politics” I don’t think I bothered to ask that often enough myself.

Anyway, I’m looking forward to making 2021 a better year than 2020. Happy New Year, everyone. Love and hope to you all.

#libraribear life #Happy New Year

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raeynbowboi · 5 years

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Hufflepuff Archetypes

As much fun as it can be to sort ourselves into Hogwarts Houses, not everyone fits to their house traits the same way. Not all Gryffindors are reckless, not all Hufflepuffs are hard-working, not all Ravenclaws are oddballs, and not all Slytherins are cunning. So, I’m here to go through the different archetypes of people and characters who fit into Hogwarts Houses in different ways. Third up is Hufflepuff because I won’t do them dirty by making them be last. Gryffindor can just wait their turn. If you want to know what kind of nerd you are, you can check out my post about Ravenclaw Archetypes [here], and if you’re a delinquent, but you’re not sure what kind, I’ve got a list of Slytherin Archetypes for you [here].

The Sidekick:

Much as it stings, this House is a mass production house for sidekicks and comic relief characters to balance with the typically Gryffindor protagonist. Hufflepuff’s values of loyalty, friendship, and integrity make for very good friend characters. Hufflepuffs as the main character are pretty uncommon, mostly popping up as the support of the team. The healer, the defender, the plucky bard with an inspirational speech. But that loyalty and integrity is truly commendable, as they are some of the most dependable and trustworthy figures.

The Paragon:

When “Too Good for This Sinful World” is taken literally, these characters have moral fibers so squeaky clean that they legally cannot say “fuck”. This archetype is the living embodiment of Lawful Good. These are the characters who play by the rules always. Who decry any action that means taking the low road. The Paragon comes in two different flavors depending on the tone. They’re either the one good person who win because they played fair and who people should strive to be like, or they’re the noble idiot walking right into a trap because they’re too naive to realize that they’re the only person playing by the rules.

The Heart:

Some people can lie, cheat, and steal. Some are good at pretending they’re a different sort of person. But, not this Hufflepuff Archetype. They feel too often, too strongly, and too genuinely to pull off hiding how they feel. This archetype is a bit of an open book. What you see is what you get. That’s not to say that they never tell a lie, but they’re also more likely to come clean about it sooner or later just to get it off their chest.

The Hero:

Although Hufflepuff is mostly a support house, occasionally, they get to play the lead. Most common in Shonen Anime, this Gryffindor/Hufflepuff hybrid archetype fights for what’s right because it’s the right thing to do. Think of this archetype as the White Knight. A crusader against injustice who fights with integrity and does so for the good of the people. They fight because somebody has to. Because they don’t want people to be afraid, alone, or injured. They strive to be a beacon that lights the way in dark times, and gives people something to hope for.

The Councilor:

The Ravenclaw hybrid of Hufflepuff house, the Councilor is someone who helps others by listening to their problems and offering advice, guidance, or support in whatever capacity they can. They care about the well-being of others and offer themselves as a trusting confidante. They are gentle and reassuring, having the patience and open-mindededness to help others deal with their issues in a positive and healthy way.

The Entrepreneur:

The Slytherin among Hufflepuffs, the Entrepreneur is someone who combines the hard-working work ethic of Hufflepuff with the ambition of Slytherin to be humble business owners. Their distinction from the Slytherin Workaholic is that Slytherins work to climb the corporate ladder. Hufflepuffs work because they love what they do and enjoy doing it.

The Knight:

The Knight is someone who is devoutly loyal to a cause or person. Their word is binding, and if they say they’re with you, they are with you, for better or worse. This archetype could also be called the soldier, as they are loyal almost to a fault to whatever they have sworn themselves to. This also makes the Knight very easy to turn to the side of evil, as all it takes is swearing their loyalty to an evil person or cause for them to become a crusader for injustice and cruelty.

The Self-Righteous:

Another Hufflepuff that can stray into villainy, a Hufflepuff can be a total villain if they mask their villainy behind a facade of being morally virtous. The Self-Righteous is the embodiment of the religious extremist. Those who commit atrocities in the name of God, King, and Country, even if their God, King, or Country distinctly condemns such behavior. However, because they assume they are fulfilling the desires of something which is intrinsically righteous, that must make them automatically righteous as well.

The Puppy:

The cinnamon roll. Sunshine personified. The Puppy is an upbeat optimist that generally sees the good in others. Like a newborn puppy they are excitable, friendly, eager to please, loyal, sweet, and happy. Some might say that they’re too optimistic, crossing the line into naive, gullible, or foolish. But the puppy’s optimism is often backed by a strong conviction and a desire to help that makes them much more resilient and strong-willed than people might assume. They make great friends as they’re always eager to help others in any way that they can, and even when upset with a person will usually look for a nicer way of airing their grievances with people.

The Peacekeeper:

The Peacekeeper is someone who strives to help others live harmoniously. They break up fights, help peole settle their arguments, and only fights to maintain peace. They are sensitive souls that can’t stand fighting, hostility, or bullying. They just want people to get along, and they’re willing to do what they can to make that happen.

The Caretaker:

Hufflepuffs are very aware of other people. They’re the most socially intelligent house. This archetype is composed of those who take care of those around them. They’re the friends who remind others to take their medication, to ask them if they remembered to do their homework, or to make sure they’ve had something to eat. They care about the well-being of others, and will gently nurse, encourage, and support the people that matter to them. However, this archetype can also go so far that it needs itself, putting so much of their attention and time on taking care of others that they need someone to remind them that self-care is also important.

The Mundane:

So many people focus on the fact that Hufflepuff is the house of modesty and loyalty that they tend to overlook that the house is also the catch-all house of students who don’t fit into the other three houses. So, this Archetype is for people who aren’t really exceptional in anything. They aren’t brave like Gryffindor, Wise like Ravenclaw, or Cunning like Slytherin. They’re the “normal” or “average” person. Someone who doesn’t come across as being important or impressive. But Helga Hufflepuff saw the value in accepting anyone as long as she had room at her table.

I hope I was able to shed some light on this underestimated house and show that there’s more to hufflepuff than being sidekicks and comic relief. And if you’re a Hufflepuff and I didn’t list a trait that you consider solid Hufflepuff, let me know so I can keep this list updated.

#hufflepuff #hufflepuff house #hufflepuff pride #hogwarts #harry potter #hogwarts houses #types of hufflepuffs #hufflepuff types #archetypes #hufflepuff archetypes #types

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ganymedesclock · 5 years

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So it’s been a while since I’ve really posted about some goshdang rocks on this blog but I have been staying posted with Steven Universe and it’s really starting to bother me how often I’ve seen people in the fandom insinuating Change Your Mind, or the show at large, is naively idealistic in the way that it handles talking to dangerous people.

Here’s the thing: I don’t think there’s anything naive or idealistic about SU as a show and how it depicts talking to people.

First and foremost, Steven does not ever successfully talk to people in a situation where he hasn’t protected himself. When he does, it’s a bad thing. Steven doesn’t get the upper hand on White because he makes bambi eyes at her and sniffles a little and goes “oh granny won’t you be nice to me” and she immediately falls over herself to go “oh my goodness you beautiful baby child how could I ever have thought to wrong you.”

White endangers Steven. And at that point, Steven makes considerable emphasis to protect himself and his friends. Neither half of split Steven waste much time looking at White or acknowledging her. Their focus is on each other. Steven takes care of himself first. He makes sure he’s safe and healthy.

Thing is? Pink split Steven makes it clear that White can’t hurt him. She literally tries. She gets steamrolled. She’s lying unconscious on the floor at the point that Steven’s halves reconcile.

Steven at no point neglects protecting himself to negotiate with people. Even as early as Monster Buddy half of his argument at protecting Nephrite is the awareness that she’s obviously not trying to hurt him and becomes dangerous when she’s triggered by the senior CGs’ overbearing interventions. Steven not attacking Nephrite is literally the sensible thing here and the Crystal Gems are wrong because they assume that being violent will fix everything in absence of factual evidence. Steven is in no danger. The reason things go to hell at the climax of Monster Buddy is because Garnet’s earlier violent behavior meant that the sight of her summoning her weapons was a trigger for Nephrite- and, even then, she still protects Steven, the person who was consistently nice to her.

This is not a whimsical fantasy scenario. If you use brute force to push people around, they will remember, and will either resent you or panic when it seems like you’re about to hurt them again. If you’re up against someone who is motivated primarily by fear, don’t scare them.

“Violence isn’t the solution here” in this case is not an arbitrary nicey-pants talking point where “oh but see if you just sing songs and hold people’s hands they will all universally like you!” it’s talking about the fact that you need to actually meaningfully develop your response to situations based on information. Nephrite is a traumatized soldier suffering from an affliction that makes her easily startled. When she’s able to maintain a clear head, Steven is readily able to observe that she is friendly and willing to work with him. Steven not being violent to Nephrite is based in the fact that she is not a threat, and the Gems are failing to reevaluate because they’re just assuming she’s a threat based on prior behavior (and likely some bias- both out of the assumption that corruption can’t be cured and out of knowing Nephrite is a Homeworld soldier) and they’ve stopped observing what she’s actually doing.

The show doesn’t even exaggerate how much or how well talking to people works. We see people rebuff Steven (e.g. Jasper in Earthlings). We see people indifferently stonewall his overtures of friendship (Peridot in Marble Madness). We see people who take fondly to him because he’s nice to them but frankly trust him as far as they could throw him and don’t feel that bad selling out his friends (Lapis in The Return).

We see people give him a blank look of “are you actually kidding me” when he tries to talk to them (Aquamarine in Stuck Together)

Heck- the entire thesis of Beach City Drift is that Stevonnie needs to reevaluate the way they’re responding to Kevin because he’s engaging with them in bad faith and using it as an opportunity to mess with them.

The idea that this is unrealistic because, we guess Stevonnie doesn’t decide that Kevin messing with them means they need to take him out back and extrajudicially execute him on the spot just tells us something: Our culture has been spoonfed the idea, over and over and over again and mostly through popular cartoons, that violence is the default solution for problems.

This is an idea that SU is deliberately deconstructing like in Monster Buddy. Because- why are Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl just assuming Nephrite can’t be trusted? In-universe, they have their reasons, but those reasons are also wrong.

However, we have to consider that Steven was clearly operating on the assumption all the monsters are bad even though he was able to observe that some of the monsters were only dangerous by accident (the worm from Bubble Buddies).

He assumed the monsters were dangerous even though time and time again, they largely only targeted the Crystal Gems, and most of them were in remote environments hiding, and only are drawn out of hiding because the Crystal Gems deliberately hunt them down.

And this is an assumption so pervasive that when given starkly contradictory evidence in Monster Buddies, his initial reflex is to defend this viewpoint- saying Nephrite “isn’t like the other monsters” and then trying to tell her “you’re not a monster any more!” when she never was in the first place. She only seemed “like a monster” because Steven was fed a specific narrative from people who were in some ways ignorant to the reality of Nephrite’s situation, and in others withholding information. And Steven is not a gullible, unobservant, or callous person.

Here’s the thing: before we as an audience are told anything about the Gem monsters, we accept that. We take it as a given the Red Eye is going to crash into Beach City just because it’s bad. We assume the “Centipeetles” are hostile even though Nephrite’s drones are frankly no more aggressive than you’d expect a stray cat loose in your house to be, and Pearl is the one calmly standing there snapping one’s neck.

Personally, I grew up with the high fantasy genre. Heavy door-stopper books with dragons on the cover, and games like Final Fantasy. This is a genre that most popular codifying installments of give you broad, sweeping pastoral environments chock full of monsters that live exclusively to fight and kill you, and you need to kill them first. Anything that you shouldn’t kill on sight is going to immediately broadly flag you down so that you know not to murder this one. And killing monsters is never wrong. The ones that you aren’t supposed to kill, the narrative will coddle you so that you could never even think they might be just like the intrusive offal.

Sometimes you’re explained these monsters, they’re especially bad, because they did this bad thing or caused that bad thing to happen. Often you don’t actually witness it. Sometimes there’s simply no explanation given at all, but they are called “goblins” and they look strange and pointy and dangerous compared to the pretty likable-looking Heroes, and that’s supposed to be all the evidence you need to never worry if your heroes run them through.

We don’t worry, even if these monsters are actually people. We don’t worry even if they will directly talk to you and make it clear they believe they’re doing the right thing. After all, they have an entry in the in-game bestiary, and if they were really good, the game wouldn’t have given us the option to kill them, right?

When I hear people talk about “villains” and which villains are entitled to “redemption arcs”, what I hear overwhelmingly is thinking that sprouted from that genre, those games and those books. I hear, basically, the indoctrination that we just accept that worlds just have a bunch of Evil Things and the way to solve Evil is to kill it, and that the world will gently guide our hand so if it’s not actually Evil, then it will throw up its hands and drop to the floor and the battle music will stop and all of our combat commands will lock up.

We accept that Nephrite is evil, going in. Even though, actually watching that first episode, she’s standing on the outside of the Gem Temple, and doesn’t attack until the Crystal Gems barge out to threaten her. Nephrite is written from the very beginning of the show as an expression of its thesis statement.

Nephrite does not fling herself to the ground and whimper for mercy and try to stagger back to her proper Gem form as soon as she’s encountered. Nephrite is written, deliberately, as a monster. We accept that she’s here to be a threat for Steven to beat to prove himself. We accept that her pain doesn’t matter because she’s a monster.

We accept, in effect, that she is not a character with a life or a story. We accept that she is merely an empty receptacle for Steven’s fighting capabilities and inventiveness.

That’s preposterous. That’s ridiculous. If you suggest someone disagreeing with you is actually just an empty caricature of a person here to galvanize your growth as a person, or just show off what you’ve learned or accomplished since your past, people would look at you like you’d grown another head and rightfully so. There’s nothing “realistic” about that.

But it’s pervasive. It’s everywhere. And when patterns are repeated endlessly and repeatedly and constantly we get used to them.

It’s why Steven Universe, why Undertale, why even Off are treated as subversive narratives, even though they’re actually more realistic.

“But Clockie,” you say, “the Diamonds were so willing to talk and listen to Steven! That’s preposterous!”

“They sure weren’t in The Trial, or most of Reunited,” I say. “In fact the only reason they’re shown to have changed their mind so quickly is because Steven had a direct personal connection to them, and is that really so unlikely- that these people who have been alive for thousands of years and live at the heart of a densely populated empire would actually have connections with other people, who would not all homogeneously believe the same thing? That they could meet and interact with others who might change their opinions even slightly?”

And even then both Blue and Yellow try to talk Steven out of actually trying to say anything to White. And Steven literally points out why he’s doing this: because they tried fighting White, they tried fleeing White, and none of that worked. It failed to meaningfully change anything. And forcing change through by murdering White and standing on her corpse would just repeat the doomed rebellion because the staged murder of Pink Diamond just entrenched more people against the Crystal Gems.

Steven literally criticizes the refusal to attempt any form of negotiation as impractical. Because it is. The only reason people genuinely think violence as a narrative cure-all works is because we are basically raised in narratives- even narratives that are otherwise optimistic, friendly, and colorful- where the only solution is murder.

#Steven Universe #writing ruminations #readmore

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twoidiotwriters1 · 4 years

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Starcrossed Losers XIII (Josh Wheeler xReader)

A/N: I really like making song-fics, so I absolutely loved this. I think this might be sort of a thing that could stay? Feel free to tell me if you like it or not :)

Words: 6,521

Warnings: Cursing and a hint of abusive behavior cause Maya is evil.

Previous chapter // Next chapter

Wesley managed to thrill everyone with the dance and now they’re all helping with the decoration and the stage, which means the pharmacy is all alone cause the kids are too busy to try stupid dares that will harm them and that’s great for me, it means I finally have precious, beautiful free time to rest my wrist properly.

I’m sitting on the garden chair next to Wesley and Josh, above the beds where we usually sleep. Wesley has a tablet on his hands and is selecting songs for the playlist.

Josh and I are chatting about nothing and everything, it’s been two days since we had time to talk and... actually, I think we’ve only had time to talk like one or two times before everything exploded in our faces. Which is not a lot, but it’s enough to make us feel comfortable around each other.

More than comfortable in my case.

“You have any plans for the dance?”

“Like what?”

“Like wearing crazy outfits for the occasion,” Josh insinuates with a little smirk.

“The correct term is cool, not crazy,” I stick out my tongue, “no, I don’t have anything in mind. Why, you got some ideas?”

“I’m not really good with clothes,” He squints, “but I’m sure that whatever you choose to wear will look nice, everything looks nice on you”

“Okay...” I’m unsure of how to reply without crossing a line, I suck at it, so I just end with: “Thanks”

“I-I mean...” Josh suddenly changes his demeanor, like he didn’t mean to say what he’d said, “Not that I’m being weird, it’s just true. You look good, you’re... nice?”

I frown, understanding zero shit of what he was trying to say. I laugh it off and start to play with the bandages on my own hand, messing them up. Josh chuckles lightly and reaches for the loose part of the bandage, fixing it for me.

“So...” Josh speaks up tilting his face a little to the right, now talking to Wesley, “Which are you gonna choose?”

I lean my head so I can see Wes over Josh’s shoulder. He takes longer than expected, raising his head with a funny expression on his face.

“Choose?”

Josh chuckles and finishes up, gently letting go of my wrist he turns around to see our friend.

“Songs!” He points towards the tablet, “For the homecoming dance playlist?”

“This is no mere playlist,” He replies, finally going back to his normal self, “this is no mere homecoming dance do-over.”

He jumps off the platform with Josh going next and landing on the bed. I stand up from the garden chair as well and I stop for a second, stabilizing my body so I can sit on the edge and then jump with the impulse my healthy hand can give me.

I see Josh, waiting in case I need help. I think that’s sweet, but luckily I’m able to do it on my own and he looks really satisfied when I rush over to where they are.

“We rescued these kids from Baron Triumph,” Wesley continues, “this is a Saturnalia to the wonder of life, drinking from the water fountain of youth...”

I laugh under my breath and Josh discretely nudges my arm so I cut it out.

“Tonight, we stare the Grim Reaper in the face and we say,” he raises his left hand as he speaks, “if you like it then you should’ve put a ring on it”

I laugh again, this time Josh and Wes do it too.

“This is the soundtrack of our lives!” Wesley exclaims, taking a drag of his cigarette.

“That sounds like a lot of pressure,” I tell him.

“I can handle a little pressure,” He winks, “if you wanna help, I’ll give you two some privileges since you’re also saviors of these kids. You get to pick one song for the playlist.”

“One song? How generous of you,” I joke.

“Hey that’s more than any of them is getting,” He points at me, “so pick wisely”

“You heard him,” Josh raises a brow, “better get to work”

“Sure thing, boss,” I turn on my heel, moving towards the pharmacy.

I see Eli talking to KJ and I get to hear a bit of the conversation.

“Someone’s gotta make sure you ‘fugees are copacetic. You remember ICE?” He gives KJ his board and opens his hoddie to reveal the print it has, “Well, I’m the new ICE.”

He’s gonna get his ass kicked soon, and at this point, I can’t wait to see it.

“Okay, I need you to sign this oath of allegiance. Basically, you gotta do what I say at all times and you can’t make fun of me behind my back like Dana Rappaport did when I sharted in the third grade... Oh! And also it automatically casts a vote for me as Gender-Neutral Homecoming Royalty.”

KJ gives him the board back with a dick drawn on it and turns around, done with the conversation.

“This counts as a vote!” He exclaims as she walks away.

“Okay but what about making fun of you on your face?” I speak up, smirking, “Cause I have lots to say about your excessive use of bad T-shirts...”

“Hey, my T-shirts are the shit!” Eli replies.

“Sure...” I get to where he is and take the board from his hands, reading the papers, “You know, if you really want to win you have to find a different way to do it cause intimidation won’t work on them. It won’t work for you at all considering how tiny you are.”

“Fuck off, Y/N,” He frowns, “if you’re not gonna vote for me, then step out of the way”

“Who said I wasn’t going to?” I smile.

He stops and turns so fast for a second I think he might have hurt his neck.

“What?”

“Yeah, I think you deserve a victory after all the ass-kicking that we’ve put you through”

“You’re fucking with me”

“This is my way of making peace with you, I don’t wanna fight,” I raise my hands, “if you don’t trust me or don’t want my help, I get it...”

“No!” He looks over his shoulder to where Josh and Wesley are, preparing some stuff on the stage, “Talk now, knock-off Doc.”

“Bet that one gave you lots of satisfaction,” I chuckle, “Whatever... What you should be doing is give the people what they want from a leader: Order, equality, promises. Tell them that if they vote for you they’ll get their own comfy bed and bags of twinkies with chips, we’ll make schedules so they don’t have to worry about looking for stuff on their own once we run out of food...”

“That sounds like a total nerd-campaign”

“It’s a good campaign! Wesley, Josh and I brought them here. Now what? We’re not doing anything for their comfort, that merciful human could be you. You were the one who controlled the mall in the first place, convince them that you still have that power and they’ll vote for you”

“But I don’t have that power anymore, do I?” He asks bitterly, “Not after you assholes took everything from me”

“Maybe. You forget something important: As much as I find you annoying, I’m still the only one that trusts you a little bit, I can talk on your behalf, you can be sure they’ll listen”

Eli seems to think about it, then gives me a curious look.

“Why do you wanna help me?”

“I already told you,” I roll my eyes, “we’re gonna live under the same roof, I want things to be friendly between us. I don’t want any beef with anyone right now...”

As I say it, I catch a glimpse of Maya on the other side of the hall, helping some kids to carry a few sets of tables.

“Fair,” He nods, eyeing me carefully, “but if it doesn’t work-”

“It will,” I finish, patting his shoulder harshly, “get back out there and win tons of fans!”

I continue my way towards the pharmacy and find Alex there. It’s still completely empty except for us. He’s too focused on the book he’s reading to notice me.

“Boo!” I slam my hands against the table and Alex jumps, scared shitless. I let out a loud laugh and step back so he can’t hit me with the book.

“Asshole,” He leaves the book facedown on the counter, “Where were you?”

“With Josh and Wesley, talking about the dance,” I raise a brow, “why aren’t you helping with the decoration?”

“I don’t know, I’m not into it,” he shrugs, “it won’t be the same, you know that right?”

“Of course I do, Mr. Sunshine,” I scoff, “I was against the dance too at first, now... I guess everyone could use a break. We’ve been through a lot these months”

“You’re right about that,” He sighs, “Josh’ still bummed out about Sam?”

I told Alex the whole story, obviously. How Josh and I met, how everything went downhill after that and why I decided to stay. (I let out a tiny detail of the story, which is my stupid crush. He doesn’t need to know about that.) Now he fully understands why I can’t leave. Better yet, he also wants to stay and be part of our little... whatever we are, I still can’t find a proper name for us.

“He tries hard to hide it, but three days aren’t enough to get over someone’s death... If you ask me, I think this dance is kind of therapeutic for him”

“Maybe,” He tells me to move away and when I do he jumps over the counter to my side, grabbing the book and walking with me towards the exit, “You're helping with the planification?”

“I’m more like a back-up,” I smile, “whenever they can’t figure something out they ask me, apparently my creativity is somehow precious around here”

“It always was”

“Aww, that’s cute,” I nudge his arm.

Alex laughs and puts his arm around my shoulders, pulling me closer and ruffling my hair. Around us there’s a lot of movement coming from all sides, so no one really pays attention.

“Stop!” I grin, pushing him away, “I take it back, you’re an absolute heathen”

“Wow, careful there, you might hurt my feelings,” Then he asks me “What are your plans for the dance, then?”

“Have fun, try to keep my wrist away from any harm and dance a lot, I guess.”

“You going with any of your new friends?” I’m relieved to hear how friendly the question sounds, yet another confirmation of how things are back at the usual routine between us.

“Well, I didn’t ask...” I frown slightly, “like you said, it’s not like the real homecoming so I was going to assist on my own”

“We should go together!” He offers excitedly, “a way to affirm that our friendship is stronger than ever. What do you say? Should we go to the do-over dance as a platonic couple like the good old days? We could even get matching outfits!”

“Oh, those good old days,” I shake my head, smiling, “sure, why not?”

“Cool!” Alex raises his hand and we high five.

The music blasts on the speaker closest to us and raises its volume quickly, gaining our attention. So do the screams coming from one of the stores at our left. Crumble is there covering her ears and closing her eyes tightly, she seems to be suffering.

“Hang on,” I tell Alex and I walk over to the stage at the same time Angelica rushes out of the store.

“Turn it down! Turn the music down!” She urges them, climbing up the bench.

“Guys!” I scream, “Stop the music!”

I climb beside her and disconnect the speakers.

“Hey!” Josh pouts.

“The ghoulie part of the witch is super sensitive to loud noise,” Explains Angelica in slight exasperation.

“Shit! I was only playing this on chill,” Wesley complains, “I barely got to thumping, What happens when I get to cranking?”

“If you pump up the volume tonight, we’ll be doing the electric slide with a horde of ghoulies,” She says, then jumps down from the bench and goes back to the store.

I do the opposite and finish climbing until I reach the stage.

“Don’t take it personal, you know how important Crumble is to her investigation...”

Wesley gives me a side-eyed look.

“Hard to make the soundtrack of our lives with no soundtrack.”

“Maybe this is a bad idea,” Josh offers, it’s the first time since he found out about the dance that he doesn’t sound optimistic, “recreating what we will never have again...”

I look over at Alex, he reached over to the bench already and is listening. I know he’s thinking how he just said the same thing, but now that he heard it from Josh, it seems like he feels bad about it.

“You’re missing Sam pretty hard...” Mumbles Wesley.

Josh scoffs.

“We were gonna go to the dance together... She was gonna be Homecoming Queen”

I know I shouldn’t let his words get to me, that’s just another reminder of how my feelings are completely onesided, that I’ll be better if I keep my distance with Josh. Safer.

I walk away from their conversation and start to tie the net with balloons that Wesley wants to put above his DJ table, Alex appears again in front of me and hops up to the stage, crouching beside me and helping me.

“You’re okay?” He asks under his breath.

“I’m fine, I don’t know why hearing him talking about Sam gets me down... Maybe he makes me think about Katie too,” I lie, What else can I do?

“How are you dealing with that?” Alex puts his hand on my shoulder as a way of comfort, “Have you talked about it with someone?”

“Yeah,” A bitter smile appears on my face, “with Josh”

“Josh,” He chuckles, “sounds like you got to know each other quite well during these days, even if it was on such short notice”

“I guess we both have things in common”

“Like what?”

“We can’t keep our mouth shut,” I smirk.

Alex laughs and his hand falls from my shoulder, he shakes his head.

“I really missed our talks.”

“I missed them too,” I push him lightly, “don’t get sappy, though. We have a dance coming our way and I need you ready to impress.”

“Enough with the sappy then,” He stands up, finishing the net.

“You can pull it up now!” I speak up to the guy next to the column, he obeys almost instantly, pulling the net above our heads.

“Look at that,” Alex raises a brow, “someone’s learning how to be a leader.”

“Shut up, I’m no leader,” I roll my eyes.

Which reminds me, I still don’t know what’s the answer to that question. Who am I?

Strangely enough, that same question brings out the answer to another thing, and it’s about what Wesley said a few minutes ago:

The soundtrack to our lives.

I love music. I think Wesley is right, music has its own way to tell stories, it helps you get in the moment, attach ideas, make a memory special. That’s how I decide that from now on I’ll attach a song to this... whatever it is that I’m doing. Maybe it won’t be helpful at all but it explains a bit better how I feel during these times.

It is extra? Very. I’m doing it anyway. You better wait for those songs, buddy. Maybe that will also help me pick one for the dance.

When I'm getting off the stage with Alex we run (again) into Wesley and Josh. They were doing their own thing around the platform, but apparently, Wes is leaving.

“...I’m heading out, gotta feed Triumph and Turbo”

“I’ll go with you,” Josh replies.

“I got it,” Wes shrugs, “you use your survival skills to solve this noise issue.”

“I can help you with that,” I say, gaining their attention.

Wesley turns around and smiles.

“I knew I could count on you, Y/N,” He winks before heading out.

Josh looks at me with a small smile, then before Wesley leaves, his eyes widened slightly, something just came up to him.

“Hey, uh...” He turns back to Wesley, “What about Mastermind by Delton 3030 for the soundtrack?”

Wes nods, a knowing smile on his face.

“Right? Yeah?” Josh turns around, quite pleased with himself.

“Is that the song you’re gonna go with?” I smirk.

“Well, it was either that or... uh, one that’s a bit too much for the occasion, I think”

“Really?” I raise my eyebrows, “Which one?”

“No,” He blushes, “don’t push”

“You guys are making the playlist?” Alex asks.

“Wesley let us pick one song for the playlist. Only us,” I shrug, “because we saved your asses”

“Josh was the savior, you were only around.”

“She helped,” Josh replies, standing next to me and putting an arm around my shoulders, “she gave me a motivational speech before the fight, so... uh, yeah.”

“What a great comeback,” I tease him, “I still get to pick a song and you don’t so I’m winning.”

“Rude,” Alex huffs, “anyway if you guys need help let me know, I’ll be around”

“Sure,” I nod.

“See ya,” Josh waves, then he looks down at me, “don’t pick a song yet?”

“It’s been like thirty minutes since he told us, I need more time”

“I already chose”

“Tell me what was your second option, c’mon” I try to tickle him but he moves away.

“No!” He laughs, “It’s a dumb song”

“No song is dumb. Unless is like, a sexual song. The misogynistic type of song you know? Or a kids’ song, the ones that only have like one line that repeats itself over and over for two minutes-”

“Okay!” Josh interrupts me, “If you find a way to fix the noise problem I’ll tell you”

“I’m in,” I nod, shaking his hand in an overdramatic way that makes him laugh, “I’m so gonna win”

“Is not a competition,” He clarifies.

“It is now,” I wink at him, starting to walk away.

“Why do you have to be so annoying about stuff like this?” He pouts, “Y/N, where are you going?”

“I’m gonna fix the noise problem!” I speak up, already turning my back to him.

I decide to go with the genius of our little group.

“Not a clue, ask someone else,” Angelica tells me as soon as I ask her.

“Come on!” I scowl, “You could help! You just don’t wanna do it cause it’s not fun”

“Exactly.”

I hear a skateboard passing by and thinking it’s Josh, I turn around to tell him to convince Angelica. Only that is not Josh, it’s KJ. She’s using Josh’s skate though.

“Where did she get that?” I ask, turning back to Angelica.

“I gave it to her,” She shrugs.

“You gave-? Josh is going to kill you if he finds out”

“He’ll find out, that’s the point,” She rolls her eyes, “I want to set KJ and Josh together”

“You what?” I ask, accidentally kicking the table.

“So he forgets about Sam and stays with us,” Angelica replies matter-of-factly.

“He’s already with us,” I say, “Why would you do something like that? You can’t force him into another relationship!”

“Why do you care so much? It’s not like you care?” Although she’s got her back facing me, I know she’s smiling.

“Oh,” I whisper, stepping closer to her, “I know what you’re doing, you little creep”

“Do you?”

“You’re not trying to set them up, you’re trying to see if I get jealous!” I whisper-yell, “You think you’ll manage to get something out of this?”

“I will,” She turns around, satisfaction all over her face, “I just have to see the ridiculous doe-eyes you make whenever Josh does as little as brushing his fingers with yours to know you wanna get in his pants. Which means you’re staying as long as he stays. Which means I was right and you can die mad about it.”

“You’re not,” I hiss, “I don’t want to get in his pants and I can leave anytime. I chose to stay cause-”

“You like him. Don’t even try to convince me otherwise, I remember how you used to act around him the first day and I see how you act now, is not hard to see. I won’t tell him... but-”

“No but,” I cut her out, “I won’t play your games.”

“You guys look cute together! You’re equally dumb and cheesy!”

“See that’s rude,” I frown, “So what if we have things in common? He’s hurting, if I date him now I’m just the rebound, I’m not desperate enough to agree to that”

“What if he likes you back? What if he wants to be with you right now? The only thing stopping him it’s that he thinks you’re with that guy you hang out with, or that he thinks you’ll say he’s an asshole for not waiting longer to end his mourning?”

“Does he?” I cross my arms.

“I don’t know,” Angelica replies carelessly, “I could find out if you want.”

“This is stupid,” I shake my head, “let it go, okay An? We’re here and I promise we won’t go, at least for a while. You can live with that, right?”

“I can’t. I need results, not sappy promises,” She says dryly, “and KJ and Josh are the fastest way to get them if you’re so reluctant to give it a try cause you’re a coward. Step aside and let me take care of this.”

“You know what?” I reply harshly, “Do whatever you want, the only thing you’ll do is push Josh and me even further away from you”

I hold my anger as best as I can. I remind myself that Angelica’s a scared kid, she needs to feel safe. I understand why my tendency to be impulsive annoys her. Maybe she feels like she can’t count on me. That kinda hurts, if I’m honest.

It’s not really her fault, one day soon she’ll see she doesn’t need to play with our minds for us to stay with her and she’ll stop.

I’m officially upset though, so I go to the second floor to get my skates and have a little fun around the mall.

I make sure no one sees me. Technically, I’m not allowed to skate because I could worsen my wrist, but I think I’ll be fine. It’s a mall, nothing dangerous.

While I’m putting them on, back on the first floor, Maya walks up to me and throws a piece of paper.

“What’s this crap?”

“Glendale. I was looking at the map and I realized there’s this small corner at the limits of the city where no one goes cause it used to be the place where gangs lived but now is empty. There’s a mansion-”

“The mansion’s fucked. Josh used to live there, the giant pug ruined it”

“Of fucking course,” She rolls her eyes, “are you sure he’s telling the truth?”

“Why wouldn’t he?” I look up at her.

“Maybe he said that so you wouldn’t go there to steal his resources”

“Why would I even think of stealing his stuff? I have my own,” I reply, completely disinterested, “Listen just stop, okay? I’m not going.”

“You’re wasting your time here,” She kneels in front of me so she’s at my eye level, “so is Alex. When they get tired of you, they’ll kick you out with a dumb excuse and... and then you’ll be sorry you didn’t take my offer.”

I’m about to reply when I see a hint of fright in her eyes. Along with something I hadn’t seen before: desperation.

“It’s you who is sorry,” I finally understand why is she so obsessed with getting us back, “you didn’t leave the tribe to look for adventure, they kicked you out didn’t they?”

She stammers, stepping back from where I’m sitting.

“N-No! I got bored of their rules! That’s it!”

“You never learned to play by the rules, that’s true,” I half-smile, “but that’s what it’s like to be part of a tribe, Maya. You have to follow the rules and be a good team player”

“They never appreciated my skills!” She replies bitterly, “they threw me with the rest instead of having me in their front lines!”

“That’s because you are like the rest! Like me and Alex! The only ability you have is the ability to keep relationships for your convenience...”

“I don’t have anything to prove to you,” She snarls, “the main loser of our former group. Ha! Like you could do anything to get to me.”

“Very welI then, better keep my mouth shut,” I stand up with my skates tightly laced on my feet, “if you excuse me...”

I leave the store, I turn right on the hall and I see KJ on the other side, she’s using a different skateboard so I assume she already ran into Josh.

That’s not what gets my attention, what makes me stop is the set of headphones she’s using: No cords. I make my way towards her and touch her shoulder, signaling her to take off the headphones.

“Sorry, it’s just that I noticed your headphones and I wanted to ask you something...”

She replies in Chinese and I interrupt her.

“KJ, I know you can speak English I heard you talking with Burr on your first day of school”

She gives me a stern look and shakes her head. After I insist, she sighs heavily.

“What do you want, Y/N?”

I smile, happy of how I always noticed this kind of silly stuff back in school.

“Your headphones,” I say, “we have a problem with the music. Crumble can’t stand loud noises and neither can’t the Ghoulies outside the mall, so they’ll try to murder us if we blast the speakers. You know if there’s a way to connect a bunch of headphones to a single dispositive?”

“Maybe,” She tilts her head, deep in thought, “I can try to figure it out, later though, right now I’m skating”

“That’s okay,” I point to my skates, “cool if I join you?”

“Sure,” She looks at my wrist, “but no talking. I don’t want the guys blaming me in case you get hurt”

“I’m fine,” I roll my eyes, “let’s go”

I’m happy to see my skills are intact, I turn and jump without falling (my knee is much better now, thank you very much) I skate backwards and I don’t crash against anything. KJ is amused and is looking at me with a tiny smirk while she keeps on skating without showing off. Am I showing off? Yeah, a little. I really missed my skates and I’m proud of all the things I learned on my own.

After a while, I hear another set of wheels and when I look over to my right I see Josh. He tries to look upset because he caught me skating, but a smile makes its way out. He shakes his head and speaks up.

“Having fun?”

“I had missed this,” I nod, “it’s a crime to have these beauties collecting dust”

“It will also be a shame if you hurt yourself more and can’t go to the dance” He adds in what it tries to be an innocent tone.

“You say that like you’re not as dumb,” I reply, “between you and me, who has the most injuries inflicted by their own hand?”

“I... think that’s me,” He scoffs, “fine, I’ll leave you alone.”

I look at KJ and she’s trying to hide a smile, I wink in complicity and keep skating in silence.

Something funny happens, I start humming this really corny song I was obsessed with a few years ago. I have no idea why it comes back to me right at this moment, I assume it’s cause I used to hear it a lot whenever Alex took me on one of his skate rides.

It’s a good song and it’s a nice moment to introduce you to the soundtrack of my life. There you go.

Y/N from a year ago always thought that I would sing this to Alex on one of our dates, which is kind of ironic cause the song it’s pretty much about this dude in denial about loving someone who he knows is not the one but he’s so desperate to have, that ignores it all just to have her.

Music is funny like that. I never stopped liking this song, even after I realized what the lyrics said. Now I’m here, my mind is already giving the lyrics a new meaning. One that takes me to Josh.

So when I discretely move over to Josh’s side, I stretch my hand out to him with a teasing smile. I expect him to roll his eyes and push my hand away, instead, he holds it. It’s like someone turned up the sound inside my brain.

“Put your hand in mine You know that I want to be with you all the time You know that I won't stop until I make you mine You know that I won't stop until I make you mine Until I make you mine...”

I know, I know. This is so ridiculous that there’s no way it’s actually happening. Well, the part about the song isn’t. The music is not really playing, I added the song in my head. I hum without saying anything to Josh, I hold his hand and both of us have this dopey smile cause we know we look silly and someone could easily tease us if they see us holding hands and skating together. We do it anyway.

I don’t know why he does it but I do it because it’s stupid and cute and it makes me giggle like an idiot. It’s been a while since I felt this, so I decide to give in for a brief moment, I don’t have to look badass or cool all the time anyway.

‘What about Sam?’ You ask with tons of worry. Don’t get all stressed, I’m just fooling around, this doesn’t mean I’m making a move. I’m just enjoying our time together. Besides, Josh seems happy, if he were acting uncomfortable I would immediately retreat my hand and apologize.

I respect his decision and that means I only do the things he lets me do. You know, consent and stuff. If he needs more time to recover I’m willing to wait... Not that I’m waiting to make a move. Of course, I’m just saying that- I mean, if there’s ever a slight chance, I wouldn’t refuse- ugh, nevermind.

“...You need to know We'll take it slow I miss you so We'll take it slow...”

“Hey,” His grip on my hand tightens for a moment to get my attention, “what were you doing with KJ?”

“Oh,” I smile, remembering I have news for him, “fun story... I saw her when I was getting ready to skate and I noticed she had her headphones on...”

Josh looks over to her for a few seconds and jerks up, turning back at me with an excited smile.

“I thought of something”

“What?”

“Hold on,” He releases my hand and moves over to KJ’s side.

As soon as he’s over there, KJ moves slightly to the right and I look forward, noticing the janitor’s cart in the middle of the way.

“Shit,” I whisper, now also moving to KJ’s side to try to prevent the accident.

I’m too late. Josh is way ahead of me and he stops in the last second, crashing and falling.

“Josh!” I stop a few feet away, waiting for his reaction, “Dude, are you okay?”

“Ugh, yeah I’m fine,” He grunts.

“I’m dying to point out how you said I was going to be the one injuring herself when you just broke your own record of self-inflicted wounds but I’m truly worried about your state so I won’t say anything”

“Thank you for not mentioning that,” He pushes himself up and looks around, “fuck, that thing came out of nowhere”

“No, I’m pretty sure it was there before,” I offer a hand, he takes it with a grumpy expression, “cheer up! You were telling me about how you just realized something when I was telling you about KJ”

“What? Oh! Right,” Josh smirks, then he grabs his skateboard and adds, “you’ll find out soon enough”

“Oh darlin', darlin', baby, you're so very fine You know that I won't stop until I make you mine Until I make you...”

With that, he skates away and I decide to catch up with KJ. When I reach her I poke her arm and she takes off her headphones.

“Yes?”

“Can we start with the headphones now?”

She looks over to the watch on her wrist and nods.

“Let me change first, I’ll see you in the main hall.”

“See you,” I turn over to go back to the pharmacy.

I find a whole scene when I get there: Maya is going from one side to the other, fucking up all the work Alex and I made during the whole week. She’s pushing boxes and bottles, searching frantically for something.

“What the fuck are you doing?” I ask loudly.

“She’s looking for a knife,” Alex says, he’s at the counter with his arms crossed and looking like he’s dying to kick her face, “she thinks you took it”

“She was the last person I talked to, of course she has it,” She points to me, “Where is it?”

“I don’t have your knife,” I reply calmly, “I have my own weapon”

“A fucking hammer,” She states, “obviously is not as good”

“Fuck off,” I scoff.

“You fuck off,” She walks up to me, “first you tell me you don’t want to come, then you steal my stuff?”

“How are you so sure it was me? There’s like forty people in here”

I see Angelica curiously peeking through the entrance, I remember how she threatened to do something if Maya ever tried to fight me, so I try to finish the conversation before Angelica gets involved.

“You know what, I don’t have to prove anything to you,” I repeat her words, “I don’t have your knife. Period. Now-”

“Is this your knife?” I hear Angelica behind me.

I turn around to see her holding a purple pocket knife.

“How did you..?”

“You little rat!” Maya walks over to her and starts to pour her anger and frustration onto Angelica, “didn’t your parents teach you to ask before taking things from others?”

“Calm down,” Angelica frowns, “you sound like a fifty year-old virgin”

“Give it back!” Maya snatches the pocket knife from Angelica’s hand.

My friend hisses and I see her hug her hand tightly against her chest. It’s the first time I see that look, she’s scared.

I’ve had enough.

“Get out,” I say coldly.

“What?” Maya turns around, frowning.

“Get out of our mall.”

“You can’t-”

“You have no self-control and you use any excuse to insult people. You can scream at me as much as you want, but I won’t allow you to scream or touch Angelica like that ever again.”

I grab the backpack that I’m sure it’s hers and I extend it to her, waiting.

“Who the fuck do you think you are to just kick people out of the mall like it belongs to you?” She asks, refusing to take the backpack.

She’s being so loud that a few kids are staring now.

It comes to me as I stand there, in the middle of the pharmacy with two people that I care about deeply. To be honest, I feel a bit dumb about not realizing sooner.

“I’m the healer,” I reply, “you injured An’s hand. My duty is to make sure she won’t get hurt again so I make sure by kicking you out. How’s that for a contribution, huh?”

“That’s not what I’d meant...” She mumbles.

“Doesn’t matter,” I throw the backpack to her feet, “you have twenty minutes, take enough stuff so you can make it on your own for a while and go”

“You’re gonna let her do this?” She asks, this time looking over at Alex.

“You heard the boss,” Alex replies, indifferent, “good luck out there”

Maya gives me one last glare before turning on her heels and walking away in indignation. I let out a heavy sigh, I suspect that during that whole exchange I wasn’t breathing.

Angelica gets closer to me and I look down at her hand.

“Let’s fix that,” I point to her hand.

“That was really badass,” She replies, “I’m sorry I called you a coward, I hope you’re not angry about it”

“I’m not, you were sort of right about it. I am a coward when it comes to... you know, admitting my feelings”

I see how her eyes light up at my statement as we walk over to the counter.

“I’m right? You like-”

“Shhh!” I search for Alex and I find him leaning over some boxes, he’s not paying attention to our talk, “Yes, you are. Promise me you won’t say anything, not even to Wesley!”

“Why not?”

“If something happens I want it to be because he wants it, not because you two forced him into dating me, that’d be embarrassing for both of us, understand?”

“Fine,” She picks a box of bandaids and hands it to me, “but you should definitely go with him to the dance, I bet you’d have fun.”

“I can’t,” Before she starts to complain about how I don’t have the guts, I add: “I already told Alex I’d go with him.”

“What?” She frowns, “You said you didn’t like him!”

“I don’t! This was our way to say ‘hey, everything’s okay between us now, we’re friends again”

“When you fix things with a friend you give them something, like a gift,” She complains, “you don't cock-block them!”

“He’s doesn’t know!” I grumble, “Don’t worry, I don’t have to try anything right now, remember how he’s still sad about Sam?”

“About that... after you left he came to the store and I asked him stuff”

“About what?”

“Sam, KJ (and yes, he’s not into it, shut up) and... about you”

I try to keep my hands as steady as possible while I put the bandaid.

“And?”

“Since you’re so scandalized about making a move before a proper period of mourning, I’ll keep it to myself,” She smirks.

“Traitor,” I mumble, finishing my work and standing up, “get out of my pharmacy before I kick you out as well”

“As you wish, all-mighty Healer,” She teases, bowing before me.

I like how it sounds. Not the ‘all-mighty’ thing, but the last part.

Y/N L/N: The Healer.

Taglist.

@letsbloodmagic @slythermyg

#twoidiots writing #daybreak fanfic #eli cardashyan #daybreak #josh wheeler #josh wheeler xreader #angelica green #ms crumble #wesley fists #netflix

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ice-cream-nekogirl · 4 years

Photo

Sayori is the fusion between Fumikage Tokoyami and Ashlen Kyanse

As Amy goes a bit fusion-happy with her new spell, she proposes to Ashlen to try it out with another person she has a fairly decent relationship with, and recruits Tokoyami to see if he could fuse with Ashlen. Naturally, the two of them are uncertain since the spell worked twice, but that doesn’t mean it will work all the time. And then Shinsou was hesitant for Ashlen to fuse with someone else other than him, or at least, another GUY that isn’t him, but Amy and Ashlen reassure him that it’s fine.

Madison gave him false hope and claimed that it ‘might not work’ since Ashlen and Tokoyami are fairly awkward, especially around each other. However, she was well aware that they had capability to fuse as Ashlen and Tokoyami’s dance starts off slow but steady and sweet and the two of them go for a twirl that instantly allows their bodies and powers to blend into a fusion.

When the fusion is born, she is confused, startled even as she contemplates her new existence while Amy, Shinsou and Madison are stunned, and Amy has to tell the two of them that they successfully fused. The fusion becomes a bit excited although Shinsou and Amy can’t tell, and Shinsou was too busy being mildly horrified to see Ashlen fused with Tokoyami rather than him. As Tokoyami and Ashlen contemplate their fusion, they both decide to name their fusion ‘Sayori’ as the fusion gives a smile that Shinsou can tell is Ashlen’s but can’t feel any kind of tenderness since he sees Tokoyami in the fusion.

Sayori goes by ‘she/her’ pronouns as Tokoyami had no issue taking on a more feminine approach if it made Ashlen comfortable. She has very long, straight hair that’s partially also feathers from Tokoyami, and while she styles it up spiky, the ties the rest of it in a long, thin ponytail akin to Ashlen’s own ponytail. She’s also quite lithe and slender from Ashlen’s physique but has feminine curves as well while retaining some muscle from Tokoyami’s physique, and has central heterochromia as her eyes have both a mix of Ashlen’s brown eyes and Tokoyami’s red eyes. Sayori is one of the shorter fusions, standing only at 5’7 while the other fusions were at least 5’10 or even 6 feet, which may stem from both Ashlen and Tokoyami’s shorter than average heights for a girl and boy respectively. She has a somewhat androgynous appearance, but Amy and the rest of 2-A remark that this makes her very visually appealing and attractive to both genders.

Because Ashlen and Tokoyami are both calm, collected introverts, Sayori is a stoic, poised and even elegant individual who is also an introvert as she has shown to be somewhat shy and reserved but is still nonetheless a very docile mix of Ashlen’s affable nature and Tokoyami’s dark, brooding one. She’s got a very level head and generally is above petty matters and the immaturity of Ashlen and Tokoyami’s classmates and has no issue telling them that they’re acting like children. This shows that she isn’t nearly as tolerant of crude jokes as either of her components, as she doesn’t even give Amy or Kaminari a smirk when they act childish, which may stem from Tokoyami’s dry sense of humor outweighing Ashlen’s. That doesn’t mean Sayori doesn’t have a sense of humor though, as she burst into laughter when Amy reminded her of how Shinsou imitated Brendon Urie’s rump shaking gif much to the latter’s annoyance and embarrassment.

She has a strong sense of justice and is extremely honorable to the point of living by a moral code that she absolutely refuses to break and is devoted to fulfilling her responsibilities as a hero in training. Showing that Sayori is a right-minded and chaste hero with the goal of keeping peace and staving away the real evils of the world, but she doesn’t have a problem delivering ‘divine justice’ by making a corrupt individual pay a price should they commit an ugly sin.

Sayori isn’t all serious however, as she was heard muttering Tokoyami’s catchphrase ‘revelry in the dark’ as she stared at the sun setting and expressed both delight and a melodramatic soliloquy about how much she enjoys the beauty of night which shows that she’s capable of being theatrical like Tokoyami and cracking an amusing statement like Ashlen. She’s not above some pranks though, as she was heard giggling when she used her quirks to scare both Kaminari and Ashido. Sayori is also capable of being snarky as she cracked a sarcastic remark towards Shinsou, and also threw some shade at both Bakugo and Madison when the three of them made fun of her which may come from Tokoyami and Ashlen both being able to defend themselves through wit alone. Also, Sayori can humor people, as she was able to sing a little song for Amy because of Ashlen’s friendship with her and Tokoyami’s neutral but friendly terms with her.

While she’s shown to be unflappable, Sayori can be easily flustered and somewhat sensitive to certain remarks (especially from friends) as she gets embarrassed when someone says something vulgar, especially when Kaminari asked them how does their body work. And her feelings are also somewhat easily hurt when Shinsou gets annoyed and calls them ‘the goody goody fusion’ and she calls him a jerk in return, much to the latter’s dismay. Sayori cares about what people think of her despite her somewhat aloof and dark demeanor, as she tries to assert that she can have fun and be funny too, something that comes from both Ashlen and Tokoyami’s insecurities. However, Sayori gets embarrassed when asked to make a spectacle of herself as when Amy asked them to ‘make a funny face’, all Sayori could do was stick her tongue out and immediately got embarrassed afterwards. But Sayori still has pride as she tells Amy not to pity her when she tells them ‘A for Effort’.

Also, much like her two components, Sayori is a very kind-hearted and noble person, as she does whatever she can to help her friends out, and is generally pleasant and polite to nearly everyone (except for Bakugo and Madison). While not outwardly affectionate or very outgiong, Sayori is still a very nice girl and has no meanness or sin in her heart and still can express her care by giving her loved ones soft smiles and pats on the head. Sayori is also something of a bully hunter however, as she stops both Amy and Shinsou from being mean to Ojiro and Uraraka, and scolds them for being jerks, which is partially why Shinsou called her a ‘goody goody’ fusion.

She’s also very sympathetic and retains some of Ashlen’s emotional nature as Sayori can shed tears when overwhelmed or if she feels bad for someone. Sayori can hold back her feelings because of Tokoyami’s tendency to keep his emotions in check, but Ashlen’s emotional side can encourage Sayori to express more feelings. That being said, Sayori is a very tender person who just wants everyone to be safe, happy and healthy, albeit at the cost of herself since both Ashlen and Tokoyami are self-sacrficing, as a result Sayori is also selfless to a fault to the point of neglecting herself.

But despite being so kind-hearted and moral, Sayori is the last person anyone should anger as when she loses her temper she is much more intimidating and can get somewhat violent due to Ashlen and Tokoyami’s limited control over Dark Manifest and Dark Shadow respectively. Sayori becomes colder and much more menacing when angered and shows almost no mercy to her opponents when in this state. However, because Tokoyami has Ashlen to also keep him in check, Dark Shadow can freely go berserk without causing too much collateral damage to others, but it becomes an issue if Ashlen loses control over Dark Manifest as Tokoyami has to keep her in check when her control begins to slip.

What keeps Sayori together though is Ashlen and Tokoyami’s close friendship as the two of them can comfort and reassure each other because the two of them are devoted to making sure the other feels secure and happy. As a result, Sayori is one of the more stable fusions as neither of her components have any lingering bitterness and full trust in one another, without their insecurities to hold each other back and most likely due to the deep understanding of each other. Something that makes Shinsou even more jealous as Amy laughs at him. Sayori is so stable that she can unfuse willingly without anything stopping her from doing so as Ashlen and Tokoyami can come to a mutual agreement and give each other enough space without being dependent on one another.

When it came to ability, Sayori was a very powerful individual and a hard opponent, while not as dangerous as Adrianna, was still not one to be taken lightly at all due to having both Ashlen’s Cancel and Dark Manifest quirk along with Tokoyami’s Dark Shadow. Because Ashlen and Tokoyami both have a darkness related quirk, Sayori has full control of darkness and is a master at Umbrakinesis, which allows her to control, manipulate, construct and even conjure up all darkness as Sayori can power up her sword and conjure up 10 other swords all made of darkness in a move she calls ‘Dance of Darkness’. Dark Shadow, who can communicate with both Ashlen and Tokoyami, also has a much wider range and can even separate from Sayori freely for about 10 minutes until he’s forced back into her. However, this makes Sayori extremely versatile and powerful as Dark Shadow acts as a battle partner with less to hold him back as everything Dark Shadow sees and senses, Sayori can also see and sense. and because of Ashlen’s quirk, Dark Shadow can also cancel out opponents’ quirks. Sayori also has an ability she calls ‘Dark Paradise’ in which she can enable Dark Shadow to grow large and drag her opponents into a dimension of dark energy to either horrify them, trap them, cancel out their powers or beat them while they are trapped. Every time the opponents are freed however, they emerge from the darkness frozen with both fear and Ashlen’s ability to paralyze her enemies. A master of the darkness, Sayori is a serious threat in battle and hard to beat because she has the power of swords and darkness at her side, and the ability to literally make her opponents freeze in fear. Amy and Shinsou, two strong students on their own, had a hard time battling her as did Bakugo and Kaminari, students who had the quirk advantage still lost to her.

So with that, Sayori is a lovely and stable fusion, but hella powerful and the last person you’d want to fight in battle because she’s the queen of darkness but also a true knight with a sense of honor.

She has the voice of Amy Lee~.

Ashlen is my girl @ashleigh-luvs-14cats‘s OC~!!! :D :3

#bnha #mha #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #tokoyami fumikage #tokoyami x oc #fusion #steven universe #bnha tokoyami #mha tokoyami #ashlen kyanse #fumikage tokoyami

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bazz-b · 4 years

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THE MEGA RP PLOTTING SHEET / MEME.

First and foremost, recall that no one is perfect, we all had witnessed some plotting once which did not went too well, be it because of us or our partner. So here have this, which may help for future plotting. It’s a lot! Yes, but perhaps give your partners some insight? Anyway BOLD what fully applies, italicize if only somewhat.

MUN NAME: Thomas/Tom AGE: +25 CONTACT: IM, Ask, Discord

CHARACTER(S): Bazz-B, King Baraggan Louisenbairn, Kurosaki Ichigo, Ichibei Hyosube

CURRENT FANDOM(S): Bleach

BLEACH FANDOM(S) YOU HAVE AN AU FOR: I have an ATLA and LOK AU for Bazz-B, but no Bleach AUs for external muses

MY LANGUAGE(S): Passable Japanese, Survivable Italian, Fluent English

THEMES I’M INTERESTED IN FOR RP: FANTASY / Science fiction / Horror / WESTERN / ROMANCE / Thriller / MYSTERY / DYSTOPIA / ADVENTURE / MODERN / Erotic / Crime / MYTHOLOGY / Classic / HISTORY / RENAISSANCE / MEDIEVAL / Ancient / WAR / FAMILY / POLITICS / RELIGION / SCHOOL / ADULTHOOD / CHILDHOOD / APOCALYPTIC / GODS / Sport / MUSIC / Science / FIGHTS / ANGST / Smut / DRAMA / etc. (what Bazz-B wants is reflected in italics)

PREFERRED THREAD LENGTH: one-liner / 1 para / 2 PARA / 3+ / NOVELLA.

ASKS CAN BE SEND BY: MUTUALS / NON-MUTUALS / PERSONALS / ANONS.

CAN ASKS BE CONTINUED?: YES / NO only by Mutuals?: YES / NO.

PREFERRED THREAD TYPE: CRACK / casual nothing too deep / SERIOUS / DEEP AS HECK.

IS REALISM / RESEARCH IMPORTANT FOR YOU IN CERTAIN THEMES?: YES / NO.

ARE YOU ATM OPEN FOR NEW PLOTS?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.

DO YOU HANDLE YOUR DRAFT / ASK - COUNT WELL?: YES / NO / SOMEWHAT. (usually but I need to catch up at the moment)

HOW LONG DO YOU USUALLY TAKE TO REPLY?: 24H / 1 WEEK / 2 WEEKS / 3+ / months / years. /DEPENDS ON MOOD AND INSPIRATION, AND IF I’M BUSY I

I’M OKAY WITH INTERACTING: ORIGINAL CHARACTERS / a relative of my character (an oc) / duplicates / MY FANDOM / CROSSOVERS / MULTI-MUSES / self-inserts / people with no AU verse for my fandom / CANON-DIVERGENT PORTRAYALS / AU-VERSIONS.

DO YOU POST MORE IC OR OOC?: IC / OOC.

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WITH FOLLOWING OTHERS?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.

BEST WAYS TO APPROACH YOU FOR RP/PLOTTING: You can IM me or send an ask, but the tumblr messaging systems SUCK so I encourage y’all to add me on discord and then just go ham. I’ll only turn down a plot if it’s OOC for Bazz-B, but otherwise I’ll usually try anything. If it’s not working out I’ll typically let you know, but I’m game for most things.

WHAT EXPECTATIONS DO YOU HOLD TOWARDS YOUR PLOTTING PARTNER: Honestly, not a lot. You can be as invested or as chaotic as works for you. You get the urge to suddenly write a specific theme? Hit me with it. The urge goes and you lose interest, that’s fine. Four weeks later and the muse hits you again LETS DO THIS.

WHEN YOU NOTICE THE PLOTTING IS RATHER ONE-SIDED, WHAT DO YOU DO?: I don’t typically struggle with this issue. If anything, I’m the lackluster end of the plotting side. I typically run things through Bazz-B as their happening, rarely looking forward. Unless there’s an overarching story we’re specifically working towards I’m pretty weak sauce. Sorry people!

HOW DO YOU USUALLY PLOT WITH OTHERS, DO YOU GIVE INPUT OR LEAVE MOST WORK TOWARDS YOUR PARTNER?: I’ll typically propose an idea and then see where our muses take us. If my partner needs a rough road map, I’m happy to negotiate what we’d each like to see happen. Generally speaking I let Bazz-B take the wheel.

WHEN A PARTNER DROPS THE THREAD, DO YOU WISH TO KNOW?: YES / NO / DEPENDS. - And why?: If you want to drop a thread, I’m completely fine with it. The only reason I’d want to know is so I don’t start panicking and think that I forgot to reply you your latest response to it.

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY LEAD YOU TO DROP A THREAD?: If I lose the thread, or if I think it’s reach a natural conclusion. I don’t typically abandon one in the middle on purpose.

- WILL YOU TELL YOUR PARTNER?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.

IS COMMUNICATION IN THE RPC IMPORTANT TO YOU? YES / NO.

- AND WHY?: I don’t require a constant, nor deep level of communication, but it’s important to voice concerns. People tend to internalize problems until they become these big ordeals. A friendly message every now and again can save everyone a lot of drama later.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH ABSOLUTE HONESTY, EVEN IF IT MAY MEANS HEARING SOMETHING NEGATIVE ABOUT YOU AND/OR PORTRAYAL?: I BEG for negative feedback. Even if you feel like your nitpicking, it’s the number one thing I crave from writing partners. Tell me what you dislike and I can work on it.

DO YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE SUCH SITUATION IN A MATURE WAY? YES / NO.

WHY DO YOU RP AGAIN, IS THERE A GOAL?: To tell a story. Bazz-B is my primary muse, and his entire tale is so interesting to me. The foundations of his identity are flawed and I want to explore that as much a I can, throw him into as many situations as possible and watch him evolve.

WISHLIST, BE IT PLOTS OR SCENARIOS: My left arm for an entire roster of Sternritter, of course. Bazz-B and Liltotto surviving after the war. A reality where Bazz-B finds happiness and acceptance in himself. A healthy bond with a Shinigami.

THEMES I WON’T EVER RP / EXPLORE: I’ll not write rape, it’s understandably triggering for a lot of people and writing it glorifies it, I think. Also racism in a real world setting? I’ve come to terms with it in regards to Shinigami and Arrancar, but they’re fictional groups. I wont engage with it outside of that. Finally, trans-phobia. If a guy like Bazz-B doesn’t engage with that sort of vile nonsense, none of you should either.

WHAT TYPE OF STARTERS DO YOU PREFER / DISLIKE, CAN’T WORK WITH?: Starters that provide a setting and a purpose are great. The sort of starter that turns it back at the recipient with something akin to “Why are you here” are confining. Also, if in the starter your muse is already pushing away mine.. Bazz-B might just nope outta there.

WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE MOST?: Despite my main muse being Bazz-B (or perhaps in favour of it) I typically write as old men cemented deeply in their ways. Yamamoto Genryuusai Shigekuni, King Baraggan Louisenbairn and Ichibei Hyosube are just some examples. Bazz-B kinda fits the bill too.. I GUESS.

WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE LEAST?: Cold, distant, dispassionate sorts. I could never write as the likes of Ishida, Ulquiorra, Haschwalth, etc. They’re all very nuanced characters, they just don’t mesh well with me.

WHAT ARE YOUR STRONG ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: I typically respond lightning fast, my last two weeks or so a poor example of that. I’m passionate, you’ll not find another person so desperately in love with Bazz-B as this fool. I’m easy-going, you can take as long as you want and I’ll still be ready to rumble.

WHAT ARE YOUR WEAK ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: Tumblr confuses the hell out of me, I don’t understand a lot of lingo and the big CARDINAL LAWS of writing. I struggle with scene transitioning and limb placement, and my tags are a mess.

DO YOU RP SMUT?: YES / NO/ DEPENDS.

DO YOU PREFER TO GO INTO DETAIL?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH BLACK CURTAIN?: YES / NO.

- WHEN DO YOU RP SMUT? MORE OUT OF FUN OR CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT?: What I want and what Bazz-B want are wildly different things. This man is planting a flag in the middle of bonezone whether I agree or not. I commonly write smut because it’s what Bazz-B wants, but I prefer to do it for development.

- ANYTHING YOU WOULD NOT WANT TO RP THERE?: I am personally the most vanilla dude you’ll meet. I can google things but it might not translate very well.

ARE SHIPS IMPORTANT TO YOU?: YES / NO A characters growth should never be locked to a specific person, but exploring a character in isolation can only get you so far. As people, we grow from one another. Romance is a key factor in formulating a person’s ideals, but that’s no the only form of ship. The eventual friendship between Bazz-B and Liltotto and Giselle is one of the most interesting things to me. A romance surviving Silbern is incredibly powerful in my opinion. The bond of a teacher and a student. There are so many situations that force a character to change how they would typically react.

WOULD YOU SAY YOUR BLOG IS SHIP-FOCUSED?: YES / NO. More and more I’ve been thinking that I’ve been writing Bazz-B in more ships, but that is not the blog’s focus. Ultimately I’m exploring the character of Bazz-B, and that just happens to be inclusive of ships. Some of my most active writing partners also happen to be muses that Bazz-B has excitedly/begrudgingly/unexpectedly fallen for.

DO YOU USE READ MORE?: YES / NO / SOMETIMES WHEN I WRITE LONG STUFF.

ARE YOU: MULTI-SHIP / Single-Ship / Dual-Ship — MULTIVERSE / Singleverse.

- WHAT DO YOU LOVE TO EXPLORE THE MOST IN YOUR SHIPS?: Individuals who challenge Bazz-B, who force him to rise above what he is, what he thinks he should be. Who tear down complacency and demand better of him in all ways. Whether overtly, intentionally, whatever!

ARE YOU OKAY WITH PRE-ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIPS?: YES / NO. - If you come to me and sell me a story, I’m in. I’m easily swayed by visual art, written lyrics (my ears don’t work so good with music for some reason) and themes.

► SECTION ABOUT YOUR MUSE.

- WHAT COULD POSSIBLY MAKE YOUR MUSE INTERESTING TOWARDS OTHERS, WHY SHOULD THEY RP WITH THIS PARTICULAR CHARACTER OF YOURS NOW, WHAT POSSIBLE PLOTS DO THEY OFFER?: Bazz-B is a fun guy to taunt, and to cause havoc with. But he’s more than just a hothead, you can read any one of my many rants if you wanna find out about that. With a plot to kill God spanning 1000 years, a burning fury and misguided ideals dragged through the mud of “the lesser of two evils”, he’s a real party trick.

- WITH WHAT TYPE OF MUSES DO YOU USUALLY STRUGGLE TO RP WITH?: Muses who, from the start, wish to disengage with Bazz-B. I understand it might be in character, but both Bazz-B and I are gonna struggle to engage if there’s not some allowances made.

- WHAT DO THEY DESIRE, IS THEIR GOAL?: His ultimate goal is the death of Yhwach. In a perfect world that would coexist with a Quincy victory over the Shinigami, vengeance for genocide. But he’ll take the former over the latter.

- WHAT CATCHES THEIR INTEREST FIRST WHEN MEETING SOMEONE NEW?: Style, first and foremost. If a Quincy had modified their Wandenreich uniform he’s gonna take notice and make some judgement calls. The rest comes after.

- WHAT DO THEY VALUE IN A PERSON?: Honesty to themselves, and a drive to survive. Not to be buried by what’s expected of them, or what they should do. Free will is one of the fundamental truths of the world.

- WHAT THEMES DO THEY LIKE TALKING ABOUT?: Motorbikes, Pop-culture, Fashion, Movies, Himself.

- WHICH THEMES BORE THEM?: History, loyalty beyond all else, the importance of leadership and hierarchy, lectures of all kinds.

- DID THEY EVER WENT THROUGH SOMETHING TRAUMATIC?: His family was burned alive by the man who claimed to be their God. Entering a war on the losing side, his kind facing extinction. Hiding in the shadows, surrounded by a extremist military cult.

- WHAT COULD LEAD TO AN INSTANT KILL?: After a certain point in his life, it’s really only Hollows that should fear indiscriminate murder. Unless you threaten his fragile peace, or claim Yhwach was just.

- IS THERE SOMEONE /-THING THEY HATE?: Bazz-B hates Hollows, and any Quincy loyalists that stand by Yhwach post-Aushwalen. Anyone who saw the true colors of their progenitor and still deluded themselves into thinking him right.. it’s disgusting.

IS YOUR MUSE EASY TO APPROACH?: YES / NO. - Best ways to approach them?: Stoke his ego and you’re usually set for a good few hours.

SOMETHING YOU MAY STILL WANT TO POINT OUT ABOUT YOUR MUSE?: Nothing you cant already find on one of my many ramblings about that greatest Quincy that every lived, Bazzard ‘Bazz-B’ Black!

CONGRATS!!! You managed it, now tag your mutuals! ♥

Tagged by: @equipollency (I got a phantom notification so I rolled with it)

Tagging: @diepower + @zombiequincy + @verzinken + @cheonsaaui + @bleachsthetic + @senboago + any other quincy reading this

#meme: answered #I dunno who has done this so take a mass quincy tag

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ruoyeming · 4 years

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My Top Ten Anime, a chaotic list

This was so hecking difficult, I’m gonna have to do some ‘honourable mentions’ for ones I can’t bring myself to leave out. This list is based entirely on my personal feelings, not an objective assessment of what are logically the best anime. There also may be mild spoilers at points because I can’t control myself. Doing this in quarantine cause I looove ranting about things I like.

10) Attack On Titan

This was the first anime I ever watched, and it blew my mind a bit tbh. The music is iconic, and the animation is great as well. It might have been a bit harrowing for my first experience with anime, but I absolutely loved the story. It’s set in a world where titans (man eating giants) have driven the dregs of humanity to live within giant stone walls. There’s a group of humans trying to research titans, kill them, and protect humanity, and the main character decides to join them after a titan breaks through one of the walls and his mother is eaten. It’s one of those where you think you know everything and suddenly the world gets turned upside down by a new discovery. All the puzzle pieces start fitting together the longer you watch, and you find out that everything going on is much bigger than what it originally seemed (government conspiracy time lads). The plot twists are unpredictable (for me at least) and devastating, and the emotion this series evokes is awesome - you can FEEL the sheer desperation of the characters, their rage and despair as they fight again and again against a seemingly unending enemy. Despite almost every battle being a suicide mission and despite too many losses, the characters keep going out of the human need to survive and protect.

10/10 for brutality and gore, but also theme of hope.

9) Naruto

A founding father of anime. Surprisingly not one of the first I watched, in fact it took me a few years to start. It’s set in a feudal Japan where ninjas are the defenders and servers of the people, and different villages have different ninja styles. Naruto is a young boy with a dangerous spirit sealed inside him which has caused him to be shunned by society (even though it’s not his fault??), and he wants to become a ninja. First off I’m a sucker for the Naruto archetype: dumbass, cocky, obnoxious, but kind and loyal too. Years of solitude and ostracisation as a child mean that Naruto desperately wants people to acknowledge him, and he intends to become the Hokage to prove himself. There’s a huge range of characters and villains, all with cool ninjutsus and different philosophies. Friendship, power, and determination are some of the main themes and it makes me so proud to see my son *COUGH* Naruto progressing and learning from his mistakes. It IS a long boi though and I haven’t even finished Shippuden yet, but I think Naruto captures the essence of shounen anime and is a great underdog story. Manga is lit too.

10/10 for cool battles and great characters.

8) Psycho Pass

One of the earlier anime I watched, and it became an instant favourite for the way it makes you question morality. It’s set in a kinda dystopian future Japan, where a technology called the Sibyl System checks people’s mental state and determines their ‘crime coefficient’ - how likely they are to commit a crime. The main character is a young woman who joins the police and begins to realise that blindly following this system is perhaps not the best way to go about things. For example, they have special guns that automatically kill people whose crime coefficients are over a certain level, but she soon proves that you can easily lower someone’s coefficient by talking them down and negotiating instead of killing them off immediately. It’s got great drama, great government conspiracy, compelling villains, and some really badass characters. It pushes the question of what is right or wrong, and how far technology should go when it comes to justice.

10/10 for sociological debate and horror elements.

7) One Punch Man

OPM is an anime that stands out for me, partially for mocking the tropes of battle anime, and partially for the uniqueness of the main character’s predicament. It’s set in Japan where heroes and villains exist, and the protagonist is a man called Saitama who gained superstrength after doing 100 push-ups, 100 sit-ups, 100 squats, and a 10K run every day. However he’s become so strong that he can defeat every enemy with a single punch. Nothing is a challenge for him anymore so he becomes depressed and unfulfilled; he’s still a good man who helps people, but he feels he’s missing something from his life. A cyborg called Genos makes Saitama his master, determined to learn his ways and they become friends. It’s one of the first anime that made me laugh out loud; it’s funny and entertaining, but also shows us that power is not equal to happiness.

10/10 for moral lessons and good jokes.

6) Tanaka-kun is Always Listless

The only slice of life anime on this list and not very well known, however it has a special place in my heart. The main character Tanaka is a boy who dozes off constantly and acts exhausted when awake; he loves expending as little energy as possible. His best friend Ohta looks out for him and essentially makes sure he doesn’t get lost/ be late/die on a daily basis, including carrying him when he just falls asleep sometimes. Although Tanaka seems uncaring, it’s shown that friendship isn’t a bother to him, and he realises that he actually relies on his friends despite saying he likes being left in peace. His friends all have great personalities, my personal faves are a tough gangster girl who’s rude to everyone EXCEPT her adorable loli girlfriend, and a popular girl who’s trying too hard to fit in and starts to become more herself after befriending Tanaka. All the characters share one brain cell, and it’s genuinely a funny anime - I’ve burst out laughing watching it a few times. Also Tanaka and Ohta are extremely shippable if you want to go down that route; it’s said several times in the series that they’re like an old married couple.

10/10 for wholesomeness and comedy.

5) Ouran High School Host Club

Another lighthearted show, probably the anime that’s made me laugh the most out of any. It’s set at an academy for rich-as-heck kids, and there’s a ‘Host Club’ where all the girls go to drink tea with a group of handsome boys. There’s the cunning Kyouka, prankster identical twins Hikaru and Kaoru, stoic Mori, adorable Honey, and princely but obnoxious Tamaki. Haruhi, a working-class scholarship student who is mistaken for a boy, accidentally breaks a precious vase and is forced by the host club to join them to pay off her debt. The group of boys realise fairly quickly that haruhi is a girl, but she becomes a popular host amongst the girls (LOVE the secret lesbian vibes) so they keep up the charade. I think I have a weakness for groups that share one brain cell because aside from Kyouka, they’re all idiots. I also love how flexible the show is with ideas of gender and sexuality despite being a slightly older anime. The daily antics of the host club combined with their personalities is a recipe for comedy, and they’re all lovable in their own ways.

10/10 for characters, drama, and comedy; it’s well-paced too.

4) Bungou Stray Dogs

Set in an alternate modern Japan where some people have secret abilities that can be activated, this anime became an obsession when I first watched it. The cast of characters is amazing and the villains are awesome too. Atsushi is an orphan who discovers he can turn into a powerful tiger, and is hired by the Armed Detective Agency, a small organisation of powerful individuals who fight crime. NEED I SAY ANY MORE?? Many of the main characters share names with famous Japanese authors such as Osamu Dazai and Ryūnosuke Akutagawa which is really cool and something that might add to the story more if I had an understanding of Japanese literature. Anyways the main character Atsushi is kind of a wimp at first (understandably because the world of ability-users is actually terrifying), but he learns to stand up for himself and use his ability to save people. The show’s mixing of dark and comedic tones is perfect to me; one moment a character is off his head on mushrooms and the next Atsushi’s leg is brutally sliced off in a back alley fight (it regenerates later no worries). The plot is really cool and full of intrigue, and eventually you get the whole ‘Usually we’re sworn enemies but we’re forced to become allies in the face of a greater evil’ thing and it’s great! Turns out our main guy and our main bad guy are actually a pretty powerful and efficient team, hoho??

10/10 for supernatural detectives being super cool.

3) Yuri!!! on Ice

Y’all already know what’s going on. Ice skating, emotional breakthroughs, gay shit, HIT ME WITH IT. The story follows Yuri Katsuki, an insecure figure skater trying to regain his confidence, and his self-appointed coach Viktor Nikiforov. Viktor is enthusiastic in helping Yuri train, and Yuri has been a big fan of Viktor since his childhood *throws pillow across the room*. Yuri becomes determined to, quote, “surpass Viktor’s wildest imagination”, and they end up agreeing - through a series of convoluted events - to get married if Yuri wins gold at the olympics (I think it’s the olympics??). Either fuckin way this series has angst, humour, cuteness, and god DAMN did I get invested. When Yuri was doing his free skate my own heart was beating harder than it did when I finished a 10K. Love the vibes and also it’s the closest to full healthy gay representation that I’ve seen in anime for a while. Not much more I can say, but do I really need to say more???

10/10 for GAY and MY HEART

2) Kimetsu No Yaiba (Demon Slayer)

Ok this one’s kind of a cheat cause I’ve read the manga as well which is way ahead of the anime, but FUCC. It takes place in the Taisho Era in Japan (begins 1912), where Demons exist who eat people. Tanjiro Kamado’s family is killed by a demon one night and his sister Nezuko is turned into a demon - but it is soon discovered she’s different to other demons, and can restrain herself. Tanjiro joins the Demon Slayer Corps to try and track down a cure for his sister, while proving that demons are not inherently evil. I LOVE Tanjiro as a main character because he values kindness over everything else, not forgiving demons for their sins but recognising they are tormented creatures, trying to give them peace before they die. All demons were once human - a fact that only Tanjiro seems to remember when fighting them. He’s patient, gentle, and determined - hotheaded and brash sometimes, but he has this vibe that just makes people become his friend/respect him even if they don’t intend to. He befriends two other slayers - Inosuke, an absolutely feral Best Boy who was raised by wild boars, and Zenitsu, a cowardly but ultimately loyal guy. This trio works really well together and Tanjiro is a great protagonist. Don’t even get me STARTED on the music and animation. Impeccable. Kamado Tanjiro No Uta makes me cry every time I hear it, and the water/fire effects used to show the metaphorical way the swords move like the elements takes my breath away.

10/10 for morals, music and animation.

1) Mob Psycho 100

Where the fuck do I start here. This anime is so unique in its style, story, and characters that I think it will always be my favourite. It follows Shigeo Kageyama (nicknamed Mob cause that’s what they call extras and background characters in Japan), a plain boy with incredible psychic powers that explode when his emotions are too high. Over time he’s learned to suppress his emotions, causing him to become socially inept and emotionally withdrawn. His (fake) psychic ‘master’, Reigen, uses him to make money exorcising spirits, making Mob believe that it’s for ‘training’. Mob appears naive at times, but he is so simply kind to people that it makes my heart hurt. Unlike many of the egomaniac psychics that Mob comes across, he recognises that without powers, he is just an ordinary boy. Mob’s greatest power isn’t his OP psychic abilities, but his power to show people they can change, that he can change. He forgives (and eventually befriends) people who have tried to kill him. Redemption and empathy are big themes here and they’re done really well.

The other characters are so well rounded and are also given time to grow, including Reigen - at first he’s a seemingly manipulative sleazebag, but later you see that he is a genuinely good man who has taught Mob many lessons and helped him grow up. This is a core message - Mob’s ability to change is due to support from his friends, not purely his own desire - people need other people!

This is also one of the true rarities in anime where the second season is absolutely just as good (if not better!) than the first one. The music is unique to the show, the ops for both seasons get me litty, the animation is incredible, the jokes are great and although it’s not all about big-ass fights, when we do get a big-ass fight it’s so fucking cool. The fight sequences are beautifully animated and visually stunning. MP100 makes me laugh, cry like an actual baby, and want to become a better person. Idk I could literally write pages on it like the big nerd I am but that’s all I’ll do for now.

10/10 for literally everything.

HONOURABLE MENTIONS

Given : about a boy who joins a band which helps him work through his trauma. Lovely healthy gay representation and themes of healing.

Samurai Champloo : ragtag trio consisting of two samurai - one lowkey feral and does breakdancing, the other lofty and withdrawn - and a bold young girl. Themes of friendship and journeys. I simp for the lofty samurai.

Cowboy Bebop: jazzy music, bounty hunters in space, 90s anime WHAT MORE COULD U WANT. Yet another group of characters that share a single brain cell. Love it.

#anime review #anime recommendation

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jereviendrai · 4 years

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||| ooc; does every character on this blog have bpd symptoms? is this problematic, considering they’re all villains or would-be villains? is there a way to give a villain a mental health disorder without stigmatizing the disorder? well--

OH AND BIG TRIGGER WARNING FOR A WIDE RANGE OF MENTAL HEALTH TOPICS SUCH AS: eating disorders, mental illness, stigmatization of mental illness, self harm, suicidal tendencies, and a fuckload more. I don’t go into detail. There are just mentions. I’m not gonna say a bunch of graphic shit, I promise! If I went into graphic detail, this would turn into a PhD thesis proposal, and that’d be WAY too long to be worth writing. Also I have BPD, but I’m not going to pretend that I’m an expert on the subject. I’m not. My word is not law, but it’d be nice if my word was taken into consideration.

this post got so fucking long and disorganized jesus christ

The answers are: yes, not inherently, and absolutely.

I want to get into the mental health of all three characters in a second, but I think it’s important to talk a little about the other two points first. That said, though -- yes, they’re all borderline. All three of them! And they all experience it differently! I will come back to that. Anyway--

I feel like it’s important to talk about villains, mental illness and stigma. There’s a really common (and insanely lazy) tendency for writers to explain a villain’s villainy by simply saying, “oh, well they’re a psychopath,” or, “they’re just crazy.” This is not only lazy and offensive, but it contributes to an unfair stigma against the mentally ill.

Mental illness might, say, compel someone to steal a chocolate bar or snap at someone out of anger. It might make a person’s emotions volatile. It might make someone unreasonable. They might suffer delusions of abandonment, of some plot against them, of people’s secret intent to humiliate them, etc. They might suffer and handle their suffering poorly. They may cause harm. But that doesn’t make them... evil. It makes them complex. And how they react to and handle their negative actions says more about them than any diagnosis could.

When you have a villain with a mental illness, you need to examine how the illness is hurting them. Write about how it hinders their progress. Write about how isolating it can be for them. Write about the impact and struggle. Not how the illness makes them so evil or so irredeemably awful. The illness should be what humanizes them and helps to make them relatable. No matter how untouchable and powerful your villain is, they have some personal struggle that is independent of their villainy. When done correctly, it can go a long way in fleshing out your villain and adding interesting inner conflict!

I know, I know. You might be asking, “yeah, but don’t people with mental health issues sometimes cause harm directly related to their symptoms?” To which I say: yeah, duh, of course. Just like a depressed person might say something mean when they’re having a bad day. Just like someone with ADHD might make someone feel like they aren’t being listened to. Just like someone who has social anxiety might make a friend feel unloved. Just like mentally healthy people also occasionally cause harm.

I’m not saying mental health issues don’t cause problems and maladaptive behaviors. I’m just saying it doesn’t... make someone inherently bad -- real or fictional. And I need people to internalize that.

ANYWAY ON TO THE CHARACTERS AND THEIR BPD

(i know, you’re probably like, “dude oh my god shut up and get on with it” sakjlfdkjsa)

I’m going to be referring to the four subtypes. I know these are controversial to some people. Some really don’t like these labels, others feel comforted by them, etc. They’re just to make it easier to talk about this whole thing. No one fits neatly into any one subtype! Some people don’t resemble any particular one! Everyone is different! Don’t box people into these subtypes if you haven’t been given consent, thanks!

Mr. A / Clark Donovan Mr. A is a classic example of the Quiet Borderline. Someone with quiet BPD mostly directs their symptoms inward. It’s harder to detect than other types, as the symptoms that are most prevalent are mostly expressed, well, inwardly. Self-esteem issues, self-blame, insecurity, withdrawing emotionally, pretending you’re not angry when you are, self harming tendencies, suicidal thoughts, etc. He’s also kind of clingy. Mr. A is an extremely loyal person to a fault. He is a people pleaser and will go to the ends of the Earth to make his loved ones happy, even if it hurts him. This is of detriment to him, as he often finds himself getting hurt on behalf of people who might not care as much as he does. He’s let a lot of bad people into his life solely because they made him feel loved, wanted and useful. He views everyone he loves through rose-tinted glasses and only takes them off long after he’s been laid to waste by them. He has terrible issues with self-image and has thus developed an eating disorder. He also has severe depersonalization/derealization disorder, which is a result of how his mental health interacts with his reality-warping powers. It creates a lot of anxiety with him, watching himself phase through things and bend the world around him on a whim. His motivations in life are connected to this, but his motivation to do evil things is not. He wants to bring other superpowered people together as a united front against humanity, as he feels that humanity is a threat to their continued existence. This has nothing to do with his mental health issues. The part of it that does tie in is that he’s painfully lonely and has chronic feelings of boredom, so being surrounded with a shit ton of different people mitigates that. It’s a motive for him bringing people closer to him, but it is not a motive for him to launch an attack on all humanity. He’d be really offended if you tried to accuse him of doing this on the basis that he’s just a bit ill. His illness literally just makes him crave contact with other living beings just like him. He sometimes does bad or stupid things because of this, but it literally has nothing to do with his motives as a villain. As an addendum of sorts, Mr. A’s alias and reluctance to use his given name (Clark Donovan) are a result of identity issues he suffers due to his BPD. He finds it hard to maintain a stable sense of identity, so he just... doesn’t.

Ivan Chanteur Ivan closely resembles what we like to call an Impulsive Borderline, comorbid with ADHD. He is an impulsive person, as the name of the subtype suggests. He’s a thrill-seeker who suffers from extreme levels of chronic boredom, which he desperately tries to combat by any means necessary. Staying still and doing repetitive tasks is literal torture for him. If he cannot get up and move and do whatever it takes to keep himself feeling fulfilled and occupied, he is probably going to fucking lose it. When he is actively vocalizing his boredom on a regular basis, this means the chronic feelings of boredom have reached critical mass. It’s not just boredom. It’s anxiety, it’s agitation, it’s existential dread, it’s an inability to focus, it’s pent-up energy that needs to go somewhere and can’t just stay in him anymore. If he can’t get it out in healthy ways, he usually resorts to self-harm or less-than-healthy pursuits. He’s been known to dabble in drugs, self-harm, occasional promiscuity on a bad night. While therapy’s helped him get a handle on it, there’ve been a lot of stressful and traumatic things going on in his life have have made it a lot harder to keep himself in check. Ivan is pretty charismatic, able to cast a wide net and catch all sorts of people in his social web. He has a sort of natural magnetism that, on a superficial level, should make him quite popular. But underneath it all, he has difficulty trusting people long enough to actually let them into his life. He’ll act like an open book, only to slam himself shut and reshelve himself before anyone can get anywhere near the end. He’s easy to befriend, but difficult to get close to. This has caused him to feel lonely and frustrated. He wishes he could easily form deep connections, but it’s hard and it hurts him. In addition to all of this, he engages in a wide variety of attention-seeking and risk-taking behaviors. He often spends time with people who are not good to him, simply for the thrill of it. This has often gotten him hurt, but he finds it hard to cut this habit in spite of everything. This leads to a lot of frustration and self-hatred, as it makes it hard for him to protect himself. Every time someone hurts or betrays him, he beats himself up over it and tells himself he should know better by now. All that said, though, he’s come a long way in therapy. He’s not quite able to keep a handle on all of it all the time, but he’s managed to secure one or two decently stable friendships along the way.

Eve Laurier Eve is particularly difficult to talk about, but I’m going to try my best. Eve is what happens when you make a conscious decision to be bad. He knows beyond a shadow of doubt that what he’s doing is wrong, but he feels so wronged by the world that he just cannot seem to motivate himself to care. This... again... has nothing to do with his BPD. If anything, it’s his struggles with this disorder that keep him at least somewhat... grounded in reality. Eve suffered a personal tragedy -- the loss of his twin sister in a housefire. Though ruled an accident, he cried foul play. Consumed with grief at the loss of the only person he felt could truly understand him, he vowed to find the culprit and make them pay. This set him down a path of vengeance that would make John Wick blush. Eve grew up as the heir to his family’s criminal enterprise. This put him in a position of power the very moment he was born. This also left him exposed to a lot of terrible, violent crimes from a very young age. Because this was normalized by his family, he internalized and compartmentalized any misgivings he had about violence. By the time he was ready for university, he had been thoroughly trained to carry out hitjobs on behalf of the family. He was a weapon from the moment he left the womb. He was groomed to do terrible things, and it’s because of this ongoing and continuous trauma that he developed his particular cocktail of mental health issues. He mostly fits in with the label of Petulant BPD. Repeated and violent trauma did a number on him, leaving him angry and hurt over what his parents let him fall victim to. He also experiences feelings of self-loathing over the part he feels he played in his own trauma, despite the fact that it started in early childhood. He is self-defeating and self-blaming. He has a difficult time expressing his feelings and has angry outbursts fairly regularly, often resulting in self-harm and suicidal ideation. He’s been known to reach for the nearest mind-altering substance just to get out of his head for a bit. His mood swings are intense and leave him feeling fatigued and anxious. He has severe social anxiety that sometimes manifests as cold indifference. He also has issues with control, has paranoid delusions about the people in his life and doesn’t often believe it when people say that they care for him. He will find any and every piece of evidence that points to the contrary, even if he has to make it up himself. This usually ensures that he’ll end up alone again. He doesn’t have very many close relationships, if any at all. His BPD is not the reason he hurts people. Any hurt caused by his BPD is directed at himself, not at others. His BPD is a direct result of what actually has primed him to hurt people. It’s a direct result of trauma. He’s traumatized. And no, trauma is no excuse for what he’s done -- but his BPD didn’t make him kidnap and torture Ivan while he waited for Ivan’s parents to send in the ransom. That was all Eve. That was his conscious decision to make, in spite of everything in his head telling him how awful and wrong he would be to do such a thing. He knew it was wrong and ignored it, as he was under the impression that Ivan’s family had a hand in his sister’s death. If anything, his BPD aggravates his feelings of shame and self-loathing when he does precisely what his parents had been training him to do his whole life.

Anyway-- I hope this was helpful or at least interesting.

The point I’m trying to make here is that mental illness isn’t some kind of ultimate litmus test of good and evil. A disorder doesn’t make you good or bad. It’s just another facet of who you are.

So... to that end... please for the love of fuck stop using personality disorders as the reason for someone’s villainy. Please. I am begging.

I wrote a bunch of BPD villains in various stages of villainhood because I have BPD and this disorder often makes you feel like you’re evil, a monster, etc. Honestly, on good days I feel like an inherently bad person who consciously chooses to do good. That’s very flawed and I know that logically I’m not inherently bad, but that’s kind of what stigma does. It makes you feel like you’re inherently bad. And that feeling influenced how I write all three of these characters.

This is an incoherent mess but today’s the day I find out if I have coronavirus and I’m so fucking stressed out and hopped up on DayQuil. Thanks for reading any of this, I guess?

#||| ooc;#||| canon; ivan chanteur #||| canon; mr. a #||| canon; eve laurier #||| canon;#PLEASE READ THIS I SPENT SO MUCH TIME #I LITERALLY SPENT HOURS ON THIS FOR NO REASON AKLJFJSAJDLKSKJDKSL #i'm listening to 'the spider' by weezer and it's a fucking mood right now #fucking christ ok tumblr lags so goddamn much when i open this in my drafts so i need to post this now #also yeah i guess this is me telling the world i have a personality disorder hi surprise i'm Messy and Traumatized who knew haha

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