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jacaerysgf · 3 months

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hiii, how are you? I saw that your requests were open and I was wondering if you could do Jacaerys Velaryon x reader. Where reader is Alicent’s firstborn daughter, and they were married in hopes to reconcile the family. Could you do newly married headcannons for them, sfw and nsfw. They don’t necessarily show their hate 24/7, they married out of duty, and for their families but they don’t get along or make efforts to get along, if that makes sense. More like a subtle enemies to lovers. If you can do this, it would be great. And I hope you have a wonderful day 😊😊😊

a/n: hiii i am great i hope youve been well. <3 TYSM FOR THE REQUEST !! sorry it took me a couple days to get too !! i went a little overboard sorry i just loved this rq sm !! <3 hope you enjoy !! (this is more of a fic in headcannon format :3)

word count: 2k

warnings: smut, slight enemies to lovers, slight baela/jaacerys romance for the drama, happy ending not bulleted, not proofread, avoided the use of y/n

You didn't hate jacaerys targaryen. No, you never had strong feelings about him. Even in your youth as you grew up you never thought much about him. If anything the most you had ever had is a slight resentment towards him for his treatment of aemond.

Your engagement had come as a surprise. Especially knowing how much your mother didn't care for rhaenyra or her family, especially her sons. But apparently rhaenyra and Alicent had a moment together and the two managed to come to an agreement for the sake of the family.

You couldn't gauge his reaction when he heard the news, he did not seem as shocked as you, leading you to believe he had already been informed. The two of you stared at each other and you could sense his annoyance. You've never had any bad blood so you don't understand what he could be so annoyed about until his eyes stray from you and you turn your head to where he's looking and notice he was looking at baela who also had a saddened look on her face but covered it up well. The two of you barely speak during the wedding prep.

The two of you actually argued quite a bit about the ceremony. You had wanted one more to your faith, the seven, while he was insistent that you had a traditional targaryen ceremony and for it to take place at driftmark.

“Of course you would want it at driftmark.” you scoff His head shoots up and he gives you a glare. “What could that possibility mean?”

“Nothing my dear i just find it funny that you of all people want a ceremony at driftmark. What sort of relation do you have there? Wouldn't a place like harrenhal suit you better”

His hands slam on the table and he stands his eyes never leaving yours as his face turns angry.

You can hear your mother scold you but you just laugh and keep a smile on your face. The meaning of your words are very clear to him but as he opens his mouth to speak his mother interrupts suggesting just to have two ceremonies.

You roll your eyes as he sits back down and agrees. The two of you continue to make sly remarks at one another to many, It would just look like friends poking fun at one another but the two of you knew that you two could barely stand each other. It was easy enough to fool the public into thinking the two of you had been a love match. Especially since they had no clue the two of you did not speak outside of public appearances.

Your wedding was magical, without any of the magic. You would have two ceremonies, one of the more intimate traditional Targaryen ceremony and one longer three day ceremony for the faith. you ended up having the targaryen ceremony first. It was a very small ceremony with only your family there.

Even though you held no feelings towards the velaryon boy there's something so intimate about the tradition ceremony that it had even your heart skipping.

you couldn't tell if he felt the same, he had a clearly fake pleased look but you did notice he did not spare baela one glance but instead had spent that night dancing with you.

you two decided not to consummate the marriage that night much to your relief, and would wait till your other wedding night. The public had no clue the two of you were already married, during your wedding feast many would come up to you and spare their congratulations and provide a gift.

You and jacaerys sat at the head of the table. The night had been going fine until one particular lord came up and started saying some inappropriate comments about you.

You began to shrink in your seat and could not find a voice to say anything yet you did not have to as jacaerys was quick to shut him down, his tone had changed much from his kinder tone earlier while regarding guests.

He had laced his land with yours and quickly shooed him away. He had turned to you and asked you if you were alright and all you could do was nod. jacaerys keeps his hand laced with yours the whole night. Despite the fact the two of you are still at odds you find comfort with his warm hand in yours.

The next day was the tourney. You knew jacaerys was going to be competing. No one dared to ask you for your favor. When jacaerys finally was announced he immediately strolled over to the royal box where you had been sitting, “your favor my love?”

After you had reached out and tied it around his sword he grabbed your hand and pressed a kiss to the back before riding away. When your wedding rolled around it had once again been a pleasant ceremony. A part of you which you didn't want to acknowledge felt as though there was a small smile on Jace's face when the two of you kissed. The celebration afterwards has also been nice but a part of you felt dread as you realized the bedding ceremony had been right around the corner. Jacaerys had noticed at some point during the festivities you had been upset, “are you alright?”

You didn't want to mention it so you just nodded my head and didn't turn to face him. You could feel his stare and when you didnt turn towards him he sighed. “If you hold any worries about the bedding ceremony, put them to rest. I have already insisted it is not necessary.” You whip your head towards him in shock but he had turned away from you and was staring at the crowd drinking from his chalice. “You did?”

“Of course, there is no reason to. Though the maesters were insistent they checked you afterwards. I had attempted to avoid that as well but they were persistent.” “Why?”

His face scrunched as if he had been confused about your question. “You did not want to do it. Did you?” Your head begins to hurt as you think about the fact he had put in all the extra effort to make sure you did not have to do something you did not want to.

The two of you decided to call it a night and you attempted to ignore your brothers yells of encouragement as you quickly exited the room. You had arrived at your chambers first and were quickly stripped out of your extravagant dress by some maids and the pit in your stomach continued to grow.

There was no way jacaerys would be a cruel lover. Sure the two of you did not get along most of the time but you felt he had been kind to you today and the last couple days. Lost in your thoughts you barely noticed as jacaerys walked into the room still in his formal wear and dismissed all the maids. You stood up to face him and suddenly it became alarmingly clear to you that you two were alone in this room while he was fully dressed and you were wearing a plain white nightgown. No words are spoken between the two of you as you stare as he begins to remove his formal wear. “I am sorry.”

His back is turned to you as he removes his coat and you watch as he freezes “what for?” “This whole marriage. You clearly did not want this and I am sorry you are being forced into this. Maybe I do not want it as well but it must feel worse for you.”

Your head had fallen to the floor as you went on. His hand grabbed your chin and he forced you to lock eyes with him. He had a relaxed face as he gave you a concerned look. “It is our duty you must be upset about it as well. Why would it be worse for me?”

“I assumed you had relations with baela..” you trail off and try to look away but his grip immediately pulls you back. “I promise you I shall never be unfaithful if that is your worry. You are my wife. I could not imagine disrespecting you that way.” It is clear to you he does not deny the fact he has feelings for her but you choose to ignore this fact as he leans in and kisses you. It becomes painfully obvious to the two of you that you are both terribly inexperienced He leads you over to the bed as you gasp as you fall back onto the bed

He is a very kind lover though it was very obvious to him he struggled to know what to do His fingers were clumsy as he attempted to prep you (which you did not expect as your mother told you he would just stick it in) But once he got to the rhythm of it he was very good and soon enough you had your first come. “Are you sure you've never done this nephew?” He laughs and shakes his head, “never dear auntie though i did read up on it.”

He kisses down your neck as he slips off your dress Lost in the feeling you barely noticed that he had slipped off his trousers he was still wearing and was fully nude You would say he has a nice dick but you've never seen another one so you have nothing to compare it to You fight the urge to reach out and grab it He clumsily lines himself up and it hurts.

He presses kisses all over your face in an attempt to calm you down and waits for you to give him the okay before he begins to move. Your mother had spent the last week tell you to be prepared to just lay there and take it and you would find no enjoyment at all but in this exact moment you had no clue what she was talking about You had never felt this amazing in your life, he was kissing you as one of his hands was playing with your clit and another one was locked with yours next to your head.

He was slow, not the rough and hard pace you had been expecting. He valued your pleasure just as much if not more than his own. He was also much more vocal that you had expected, your mother told you men do not make much noise but as he laid his head right next to your ear you could hear ever groan and whine leave his lips He encouraged you to come first before he spilled himself inside you. When he got up soon after you felt a chill, your mother did say men did just quickly leave as soon as they were done. To your surprise all he had done was get up to alert the maids to draw a bath for you.

This however alerts the maester and your mother who comes running in, your mother obviously concerned when she sees you but you reassure her you are fine. Jaacerys was nowhere to be seen and did not return til you were already asleep. You had expected the two of you to have a better relationship after the last couple days have been nice but jacaerys has a very sudden shift in attitude and is back to his sly remarks. A part of you feels sick as if the last couple days had just been a ruse to not have to force you to bed him and he was just like all men. Even when he comes back to bed you he is certainly not as nice as the first time.

“Jaacerys must be rather upset these days.” your brother aemond says over tea one morning “However, would you know that?” “Baela has been betrothed to one of arryns.” Now it has made sense to you and you find yourself seething with anger.

When he comes to join the two of you for tea you quickly make some excuse and rush away ignoring jacaerys confused look as he looks after you. The next couple days follow a similar routine. He is up before you and you pretend to oversleep so you miss breakfast with him, you busy yourself with other activities and avoid even being in the same room as him and when he tried to see you before bed you were already pretending to sleep. After the third day of this you hear him sigh as he sees you in bed already.

That next morning you expect things to go a similar way as the last couple had but were shocked to see jacaerys there instead of aemond who you were supposed to have tea with. “Jacaerys.” “Sit” “I'm supposed to be meeting with aemond-” “And you're meeting with me instead. Sit.” You begrudgingly sit and speak no words as he pours you a cup and you wordlessly take a sip. “You have nothing to say?” “Should i?”

He rolls his eyes, “we have not spoken in many a moon.” “I have been busy.” He scoffs, “busy with what?” You grow angry at his tone, “I apologize my prince but just because some of us aren't crowned princes that does not mean the things we spend our days doing are unimportant.” His face immediately drops as he rubs his hands over his face, “I am sorry, my lady, I didn't mean it like that.” You say nothing just look off to the side “I have just missed you.”

You laugh and his face grows angry once more, “what's that?” “Are you sure it's me you miss?” “Whatever does that mean.” You continue to laugh, “surely it must be your dear baela you miss not i. I heard she is to be married off.” His face turns confused, “what does baela have anything to do with this?”

“She is the reason you are upset, no? Why have you been upset?” He sighs and puts his head in his head. “No, I mean yes but no.” “What does that mean?” “I am not upset that she is betrothed.” You keep silent as he continues, “i thought we were meant to be ever since i was a young kid and i do admit that i was more than angry when i had been informed i would be marrying you and even angrier when we continued to argue but after a while i realized that i had enjoyed your company more and more, especially after our wedding.” A light blush dusts his face, “and when i heard the news of baelas betrothal i had expected myself to be filled with rage but i felt nothing. And that terrified me. The only thing I could think about was you.”

“I avoided being short tempered and nasty with you so I apologize but these couple days without speaking to you have been tortuous. I have come to realize I need you.” You are frozen as a warm feeling fills you, you can tell by the look on his face he means every word. “I love you jacaerys.” “And I love you my beloved.”

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ranchiballz · 2 years

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The Window

Pairing: Vance Hopper x GN! Reader

Word count: 1319

Description: Y/N is trying to work on school, but a hot headed blondie has other plans

Warnings: Language, Pushy Parents, School

You had always had a pretty normal life. You had a decent family life, a few friends, good grades. That all changed when you met him. Then liked him. Then dated him. Then he would show up out of the blue and surprise you, take you out, get into a fight, and then you would treat his wounds. But sometimes he really kept you surprised. Showing up at the middle of the night, asking to hangout, making you feel like the only person in the world. Tonight was no exception.

Youve been sitting at this desk for the last 3 hours, working on that damned extra credit assignment for math. Its not what you had planned for a Friday night. Your mother had insisted on you doing it, because apparently a B+ wasn't good enough.If only you had gone to bed that night and gotten enough sleep than maybe you would have aced the test and-

“THUD!” You had been startled by the sound behind you. You turned down your radio, and looked around. Nothing, absolutely nothing. Nothing seemed out of place, nothing was knocked over. ‘That damned movie has got me hearing things now’ you thought to yourself referring to the movie he had taken you too see. The one with the stupid chainsaw and that stupid leather guy who handled it. You turned back to your paper, prepared to read the next equation until…

“THUD!” there it was again. You ignored it this time and tried to focus. “THUD!”... “Oh for fucks sake…” You got up from your chair and looked around the room. It was odd, you couldnt find where the sound was coming from. “Thud”, you heard it again. This one was quieter, but you still heard where it was coming from. The window. Slowly turning your head and foot simultaniously, you walked over to the window cautiously. You couldnt see much because the blinds were closed and covering the window. ‘Its probably just the wind, but it wouldnt hurt checking’. You stopped walking mid thought as you heard the sound of the window opening. Reacting quickly, you grabbed an empty soda bottle from off your bedside table. One step, two, three…

“Hey sweethea-” The voice was cut off as you swung, but the bottle never hit anything. The perpetrator had caught your wrist and slapped his hand over your mouth to stop you from screaming. It took you a second to realize that it was just him. Your moody, curly haired, blondie boy. He fully stepped in the window as he loosened his grip on your wrist.

“What the hell, what was that for? Are you that tired of me already?” He said in a half serious half joking way. He removed his hand off your mouth and wrist. He leaned against the now open window crossing his arms and legs in a laid back manner.

“Vance Hopper! You scared the shit out of me!” you whisper yelled.

“I scared you? You’re the one with the bottle in your hand.” He looked at you with a small smile on his lips, you would have smiled back if you werent still mad at him.

“ You cant just come up to my window and knock on it in the middle of the night, let alone walk right in!” You said as you put the bottle down and sat back down at your desk. He followed right behind you as if he was a dog following its owner.

“What do you mean? I do it all the time. Plus if i tried to call, your dad would probably pick up first and tell me to fuck off.” Vance said as he placed a hand on your chair and another on the table, examining the scrambled papers, magazines, and pens on the table.

“No he wouldnt… Ok maybe he would but still.” You said as you tilted your head up to look at him. His hair, his defined chin, his full lips… You caught his attention. He looked back, Moving his head, and then his eyes. You quickly cut off eye contact and looked back at your paper before he could notice your red face. He did notice, and as he did he felt himself get a little pink as well.

“Math? Didn't you already do this shit?” Vance said almost in an irritated voice.

“ Yes i did, but as you should know i have to do it everyday. But you are correct this is just extra credit. My mom is making me do it because she found the B+. The B+ because someone kept me up the night before the big test.” Y/N said as she looked at Vance with a serious look.

“Hey, you can always do the test again, but you can never have that night back again.” Vance said.

“Yeah, that night was interesting, I loved the part when you beat up the poor kid because he was ‘looking for too long’.” Your comment made him even more irritated. He flopped on the bed and turned to look at. Even though he didnt like being put in his place you were right. He was really upset that night, and he knows what that look was because he gives you that same look all the time. Like when you’re cleaning his knuckles in the bathroom, or when you are telling him about your day. Or when you are showing him something and your walking in front of him. He really tries to keep his eyes on what you are taking him too and be respectful, but every once in awhile he just…

“Ugh, Ok.”

“Huh, what?” He said finally being knocked out of his thoughts.

“ I said ok. We can go but we have to be back before 2.” You finally gave in feeling bad because he was your boyfriend after all. Plus you really did want to hang out with him. You got up from you seat and sat on the edge of the bed leaning over him. He reached up and tucked a stray hair behind your ear.

“I knew you would give in” Vance said with a smirk

“Whatever, I guess I should change then.” You geasured to your night outfit. Tight black shorts and an oversized t-shirt, one of Vances coincidentally.

“Well hurry up sweetheart, i dont got all night.” He said as he sat up. You nodded your head, then rushed to your dresser and pulled out a change of clothes that you could walk around in. You headed to the bathroom and locked the door, making sure to be quiet as to be sure not to wake your sleeping siblings. Heat rushed to your face when you realized you were wearing that infont of him.

“Stupid, stupid ,stupid” You muttered to yourself. You finally got done dressing but didnt leave before putting on some perfume, knowing damn well all you did was sit around all day.

“Ok. Im ready.” you said as you entered the room. He lifted his gaze from the floor to you. Mouth slightly open as he took in what you looked like. It was nothing special, just a pair of jean shorts and a stripped t-shirt. But no matter what you looked like he was still in awe. He still even till this day questions how he landed you. You sometimes wondered the same thing. You both walked over to the window. You grabbed your wallet in one hand and took Vances in another. He always had nice hands, very callused, and large, but perfect just for you. He stepped out first, holding your hand the whole time.

He gave you an encouraging look. He nodded a little. You took a step out the window, as you turned out the light.

—-------------------------------

A/N - So this is my first fan fiction. Like ever, so let me know if you liked it and please leave tips.I tried to make it as gender neutral as possible. I didnt mean to make it this long and will try to shorten them in the future. I will open request for any character really just as long as ive seen the show/ movie. I already have a plan as to what i want to do next, but only if you want to see it ;) - <3 g

#vance hopper x reader #vance hopper #fanfic #the black phone #oneshot #vance hopper x you

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thueenz · 8 months

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Have you "come out" with your identity to your parents/friends? How did you do it? Completely ok if you don't wanna answer or give too many details. Hope ur safe and happy

hi! i don't mind answering at all ! ! im gonna put this under read more for the sake of not throwing a wall of text on peoples dashes

i have come out to my parents, and as for friends, ive only ever had to come out to one because the rest are lgbt in some way LMAO 😭 i dont know anyone close to where i live so thats a bit of a cheatcode. in an evil way because the con is i dont know anyone near me wouldnt recommend to be fair BUT !

it was like, years ago now, so the details are a bit foggy, but i literally just sat them down while shaking in my boots and told them , said i had something i wanted to tell them all and came out, it wasnt too complicated for me since my family is like...well, theyre not hateful, i'm not going to call them allies considering the first thing they told me was that they found my identity too hard to grasp 💀

i eventually confronted them on that and it didnt do much either, they use the proper pronoun more often in front of my friends but never really when im alone and they have a bunch of other issues with that stuff, theyre like, the type that think theyre progressive but arent lol. I.e i used he/him for a friend for months and they did too but they heard the friend is trans and immediately stumbled using she/her constantly and were like oh well im not used to it 🥺🥺 girl wtf youve been using he/him for months!! so stuff like that yk?

as for the One Cishet Friend I Met On A Game, i also just sort of did the same thing? he was a lot more accepting though, very sweet, he was googling what pronoun to use in his native language for me so that was a lot more touching after my last experience 😭

it's a bit annoying but i dont really put much mind to it! i dont really care what my family thinks anymore on that even if its bothersome, ive got a lot bigger fish to fry with my family LMAO and boy are they frying... theyre positively cooking

i hope that answers sorry i don't have many details i have poor memory also it just wasn't very eventful aside from me being very anxious each time

HOWEVER this gives me the chance to share my favourite story to share with people because its so stupid. OK SO! about a year before i came out? idk, my mom literally asked if i was gay 😭😭 and i was closeted so i was like shaking in my boots and i was like no why.. and she said because i never had a crush on a fictional male character, like my sister liked shrek as a kid so she "knew.." she was straight it LINGERS IN MY MIND ITS SO FUNNY LMAO like please diagnosed as gay by your mother because you didnt get a crush on shrek. DIAGNOSED AS STRAIGHT BECAUSE YOU DID GET A CRUSH ON SHREK ?? I literally like men too though so she was right but also not but also what the hell LMAO

i hope youre safe and happy too! ♥️♥️tyvm for being sweet feel free to send any more asks if i didnt cover something! i havent eaten breakfast yet so im a bit scattered im gonna do that 🫡

anyone whos read this far gets a gold star 🌟

#oatmeal timeeeeeeee #hopefully idk ill find something else if that doesnt work out but i want my oat meal </3 #ask #pers

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punkscowardschampions · 11 months

Text

Group chat & Cali & Marly & Barly

Ali: [send them 🎃 pics lol like getting in the spirit here]

Ali: Carving suggestions welcome

Ronan: Eye holes and a mouth so I don’t need no costume ‘cept for that’d be grand

Ali: A bold look, I like it

Bartley: Don’t need no girlfriend neither, sounds like

Ronan: Ah well, you’d be knowing more about keeping yourself single, like

Carly: 💪🥊🤕 talk there

Carly: fake 🩸🩸 only, don’t u know?

Bartley: Be him who’s primary concern in a costume is covering that ugly mug 🤷‍♂️

Moses: But sure none of yous are going to look as good as me anyway so I wouldn’t fight about it

Ronan: Give over, I don’t know what to go as and it’s the day of is my concern

Carly: i’ll help you ro ro, bring yourself on over for some ❤️🎨✨🧡🧵💚💄🖤

Ali: Why would you leave it so late, boy? Tut tut

Moses: I got mine from that proper place on [some street, giving those pop-up seasonal shops you get because it’s a city so it’s believable energy] girl on the till was very helpful, I’ve invited her along

Ronan: Have I time to go down? Might be taking you up on your offer instead, Carls

Johnny: I can take you if you’re ready to be going now

Bartley: Well I want a proper costume if you’re all having one, fuck’s sake

Johnny: Come on then, I’ve not got all day

Bartley: Tell Ro, carrying on with ❤️🎨✨🧡🧵💚💄🖤

Johnny: I’m telling you both

Ronan: Sorry, sorry!

Moses: Her name was [something it blatantly was not lmao, good guess though] so pick any other nametag, right lads

Carly: her name’s [what it actually is, because believable you’ve also been there and had a look even if you didn’t buy anything lol, and this gal befriends peeps wherever she can, god bless her], lads

Moses: Alright you little stalker, ‘tis the season, I suppose

Ali: Really shouldn’t put the nametag in such a distracting place, like…

Carly: 😅 they should pay the poor girl more

Moses: She would’ve paid me to stay and brighten up the rest of her boring day

Moses: What are you two after wearing then?

Carly: sure im after wearing whatever’ll save her 🌚🌟🌜 now shes not had a v grand day

Moses: Still after being a massive dyke since we stopped hanging out, is it?

Carly: since when are we calling it hanging out, boy?

Moses: Go on, what would you call it, I’m intrigued

Carly: I’d call it fucking as thats what it were & none of us are meant to be 👶 no more but aw thats sweet so it is, you trying to talk nicer for [the costume girl]

Moses: I’ve always talked nice enough for the both of us, make up for that lack of imagination

Carly: k yea you keep on imagining me how u want youve always done that too 💙

Moses: Ah you’re hoping, trouble

Ali: Your dire flirting has killed the convo yet again, Moses but I can’t offer to tell you my costume to revive it, no spoilers

Carly: nor me as you’re being a gobshite as per

Moses: 💔💔

Moses: I’m the only one here whilst they’re playing dress-up

Carly: but not the only option ever 👋💙

Moses: Looking forward to seeing what you’ve come up with this time, Ali

Johnny: Leave her alone, Moses

Moses: Why, I’m paying her a compliment

Johnny: Because you’ve been told before, is why

Moses: Relax, mate, it’s a costume party, she’s good at them, that’s it

Johnny: Don’t mate me and in the next breath push aside what I said as if I’m some eejit, that’s it

Moses: If it worried her, she’d say so

Johnny: Relax yourself or you’ll have your own worries

Moses: Some of us like to be friendly to guests

Moses: Please tell me you haven’t gone in the shop with that face on

Johnny: She’s not your friend, she thinks you’re a cunt

Moses: but it’s a fine line, ain’t it

Moses: What says you, Ali?

Ali: Just leave it out, it’s meant to be a party

Carly: 🖤🧡🎃🖤🧡👻🤍🧄💀🖤🧡🎃🖤🧡

Moses: My thoughts exactly 😈

Carly: [private to Ali]

Carly: wow 😵‍💫☄️

Ali: I didn’t even know he was still in this chat

Carly: I didnt know he had it in him to swear like that 😳🍨

Carly: ive serious never heard it before long as wes all lived here

Ali: He really does not like Moses a fair amount of the time

Carly: baby you've to talk to him about how much he likes you still

Ali: You do remember how that went the last time I attempted anything like that, right?

Carly: yea & I know he for proper hurt you but that was 😍🌹🥰💞🍬🥊🧨💓

Ali: Nah, he’s just intense, it can look like 😍🌹🥰💞🍬🥊🧨💓 but

Carly: k if u say its so, you’ve got more knowing of him than me

Ali: It’s been months, if he was bothered about me and not Mosey then he would have said something before now

Ali: it’s cool, least it did temporarily shut him up, like

Carly: I’d love you if you’d not been round for months

Carly: & if hes intense where r those feelings going? on god? 💔🙏📿⛪️💔 I don’t reckon

Ali: Because you’re an angel

Ali: No doubt he hasn’t lacked company, I assume he’s expressing himself just fine, not that I like to think about that

Carly: nah, you’re an angel & hes a dope boy who dunno what to do w you or himself unless youre lying down

Carly: it don’t mean hes unbothered, hes too bothered for the missing of you & your 🧚✨🌠⚡️🌟👼🎇💛🌞🍯🐝🌻💛 to speak is gonna be nearer

Ali: I feel more like a nun, I don’t think I can keep being this pure and waiting for what?

Carly: only you & he know for what

Carly: if its worth waiting or no

Ali: 😣

Ali: It was

Carly: I’m sorry making u 💭 about him

Ali: You didn’t, he came in out of nowhere and just

Ali: did that

Carly: warned mosey off you & called him a c u n t

Carly: my god, if someone would do that for me 🥺

Ali: I will

Ali: look like I’m copying now but

Carly: well now sure id have to make u less pure & hed be after calling me a dyke again

Ali: 😏 He’s so clueless sometimes

Carly: drews hair isn’t so long, is it? 😅

Ali: No longer than Johnny’s, no

Ali: brushes it more, granted

Carly: I like wild things more 🐅🧡

Ali: I like dirty too

Ali: they’re so clean, somehow

Carly: makes me feel like I have to 🧼✨🧽✨🧴✨ & I dont

Carly: can’t be called no nun nor pure myself

Ali: You’re too in the know for that nonsense

Carly: theres no going back

Ali: How to go forward, that’s the question

Carly: ive said what you’re to do

Ali: that was a telling not a suggestion, was it 😅

Carly: it was, best you heed it or else 🤍🔮👻💜

Ali: I’ll consider myself thoroughly warned

Carly: yea, you’re told, you & moses both when I take that cute girl off him & treat her loads better

Ali: Trying to decide if he’ll be 🥺 or 🥺

Ali: important distinctions, obviously

Carly: either’s grand, they’ve all to get in touch w their feelings like

Ali: 🧚🧚💛

Ali: He reckoned I don’t have a clue about mine

Carly: classic projection move eh?

Carly: he dont have a clue about yours or his own

Ali: We both ended up lying

Carly: [her mum] says you always need to lie

Carly: the truth fucks things

Carly: idk though i was honest w moses & sure enough look what he did but I am w you too & look how you are

Ali: I think you should be able to be but sometimes you can’t

Ali: Maybe, I don’t really know anymore

Carly: there’s loads johno can’t do but whos putting that on him rn but the lad himself? hes not married off yet

Ali: He acted like that’s what I asked him for, like I’m that delusional

Carly: its donkey’s before hes got to get tied down, time for u to get bored & pick me instead 🌈❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🌈

Ali: Always, honey 💞

Carly: if yous are gonna talk I should teach you his lingo, how would he get out of it then?

Ali: 💡💡 I’m ready to learn

Carly: come over when you want your 1st lesson

Ali: Is Ronan still coming for a makeover?

Carly: idk sounds like hes after an off the peg scare, probably no

Ali: Bless him

Ali: I’ll finish up here then come over 🔪🎃

Carly: k ill get myself in the 🚿 so you can play w your 🔪 some more 🩸🩸

Ali: 😱😱😱

Carly: screamings the 1 thing I’m good @

Ali: not having that slander excuse you

Carly: 😶 sorry

Ali: 😁

Carly: 🎃 like

Ali: I’m just preparing my 😁s for being ignored all night

Carly: ah never we’d all of us wife you

Carly: cept maybe moses

Ali: What could be more of a 🔪 to the heart, eh

Carly: but hey hes bigger wounds to 👅 for johno saying that @ the rest to see when theyre dressed up

Ali: definitely not the end of that

Carly: be 1 gas party w their carry on

Ali: I don’t know how they’re expected to ever get on, they’re too different

Ali: it doesn’t work

Carly: least theyve vans of their own, imagine if they were to share together

Ali: I can very easily imagine, it’s too familiar 😬

Carly: sorry I keep talking you into a downer today ☔️🥺😢 swear i dont mean to

Ali: it’s not you it’s my 🧠

Ali: But we’ve got time to bring the party before the party

Carly: I’ll fix it 🍄🍭🍬🌿🌼

Ali: 🌈☀️

Carly: nothing in your 🧠💭 u don’t want there 🌞💛

Ali: sounds too nice for the night 🖤🧡

Carly: treats for you cos ily & tricks for the mean boys

Ali: 😈👿

Ali: least they aren’t all bad

Carly: & none of em are that bad

Ali: Do you forgive Moses?

Carly: idk

Carly: I was warned, he only did what he said hed do, get bored & be done its my fault more than his for it happening soon as

Ali: No it’s not, that’s just an excuse

Ali: he’s back sniffing around again, he just doesn’t like anything permanent for any length of time

Carly: I wasn’t trying to make nothing permanent but he hears what hes after hearing not what I say

Ali: Yeah, it’s his terms or no terms, perhaps he thinks it makes him more exciting, keeps you on your toes

Carly: it does work im here 🩰

Carly: my god whats wrong w me?

Ali: If I knew how to fix that I would tell you

Ali: I hate it

Carly: dont be 😤😠 @ me though

Carly: please you cant

Ali: Never

Ali: just myself and these mean boys

Carly: not at yourself neither cos youre the best thing thats ever ever happened to me

Ali: I’ll cry

Carly: sorry

Carly: but everything were way less grand before you started coming round seeing me & I don't reckon I’ve told you that enough for how true it is & how I seriously didnt know what to do w myself

Ali: I need you too, you make it bearable

Carly: im crying 🥺😢😭

Ali: I’m sorry

Ali: it felt like maybe everything would be wrong forever, but not everything is now

Carly: he cant have you in the dark like that when you’re my 🌞💛

Ali: We can’t blame that one on him, s’okay

Carly: a bit lately but nah I won’t 💪🥊🤕 him yet

Ali: You’re impressed with him right now if anything, remember

Carly: hes never been hot to me before idk where im putting that now if I don’t fight him but k

Ali: oh god 😏

Carly: must remember its john boy & yer man there hates me

Ali: I’d be doing you a disservice if I tried to say nah at this point

Carly: deep breaths and 10 hail marys or whatever, be grand, so 🙏📿🔮🧿

Ali: My father would disown me if I had to start praying

Carly: maybe I’d find mine in ⛪️ would explain where hes been & y ive not seen the fella up til

Ali: [her mum]’s own nun days, like

Carly: that’d be the day 😅 but shes made plenty men feel theyve something to regret to be sure, fair play if theyve decided to find their man jesus about it & have a talk to him

Ali: True love story right there tbh

Carly: its no u & johno but it’s cute still

Ali: 🤪

Ali: Shh you

Carly: 😶💛

Moses: [Private to Carly, during this party, closer to the start of energy]

Moses: Is [this gal, still the wrong name, probably a different one lol] enjoying herself?

Carly: [her actual right name again like ffs]

Carly: idk hopefully 💀🎃😈👻

Moses: 🤣

Moses: She looked better in her work clothes, sadly

Carly: shes a cute 🧟‍♀️💚 don’t be mean

Moses: Well, yous look better

Carly: boy dont start

Carly: tomorrow someone else’ll look better

Moses: Tonights the night, girl, why are you worrying about tomorrow for?

Carly: cos

Moses: ‘Cos you don’t have a good answer to that, means you must be wrong

Carly: maybe theres the answer u always make me feel like it

Moses: Come on, that’s not true

Moses: I made you feel plenty of ways

Carly: yea & then we both made ro feel bad

Moses: He never, Johno caused a scene about it, that’s all

Carly: me & him’ve not been the same since, has he w you?

Moses: ‘Course, we’re brothers

Moses: he’s just embarrassed with you

Carly: im 😳 of myself like

Carly: why did u tell me to?

Moses: Someone has to, I thought you two were friends

Carly: we are

Carly: it shouldve been up to him though

Moses: Everyone needs a nudge

Carly: k well you nudged me out so whats this now?

Moses: Don’t you miss me?

Carly: you invited her, you dont miss me

Moses: Now I do

Carly: dont you want her?

Moses: No

Carly: she’ll be 🥺😢😭

Moses: She’ll be grand, still a party isn’t it

Carly: I just dont see why youre after leaving her out when we dont have to

Moses: ‘Cos I want someone else, so do you

Carly: you want me to bring you a private party

Moses: I want you to bring Ali along

Carly: sorry, johno called it right, she dont want you

Carly: I can’t

Moses: You could, and she could like me if she gives it a chance

Carly: read it as I wont then

Moses: Why not?

Carly: she likes someone else & even if she never youre not deserving of no chance w her

Moses: Poor Carly

Moses: who does she like then?

Carly: 😶💙 sorry

Moses: I’ll find out, and I will make her forget about whoever it is

Moses: I just thought you’d like to be there too

Carly: 🍀🐇🌠 to you, you’ll have need of it

Moses: I’ve got it all in spades, you know that

Carly: I know what youve both got why I said it

Moses: I’ll see you later then, Carls

Moses: got ☠️ shit to do

Carly: we can have another 🧊🍋🥃 party when you find her & she 💪🥊🤕 you, sure

Moses: 😆

Moses: Don’t you reckon I can be nice when I have to?

Carly: I reckon she’ll see through how nice youre being but hey on you go itll be gas for the rest of us watching u try

Moses: You don’t have to be relegated to just watching, what are you afraid of?

Carly: you, but ali’s not

Moses: You’ve no need to be afraid of me, I gave you everything you wanted

Carly: I didnt want it to end like that

Moses: You stopped playing the game properly, if you’d not have been so clingy, things could’ve been different

Moses: no one smacked you over it, that was me

Carly: clingy? you have yourself no knowing of the word mosey

Moses: I don’t blame you, you never can help yourselves

Carly: you said youd look after me

Carly: but instead you left us to what couldve happened if johno had decided to take it out on me too

Moses: I knew he’d never do that, you dope

Carly: he hates me & hes not the only 1

Carly: im not safe here but all youre after bothering yourself w is putting ali in the same danger herself

Carly: I love her I’d never

Moses: Sure, what has ever happened to you or your ma?

Moses: Nothing, that’s what

Carly: no tah to you for my 🍀🐇🌠

Moses: Didn’t I take that beating for you

Carly: yea, give u that

Moses: and the other one for you and Ronan

Carly: just for tonight, is it?

Carly: tomorrow it never happened

Moses: Cold, girl 💔

Carly: you was 1st 🧊🥶🧊

Carly: & when I only ever melted for you 😳🍨

Moses: You let me make it up to you or you don’t

Carly: you’ll not tell the others this time?

Moses: I didn’t last time

Carly: I dont wanna talk about it no more when theres how you’re to make it up me

Moses: Wait and see

Carly: wait where?

Moses: Stay with [this girl, name wrong again but on purpose this time so amusingly so lol]

Moses: I’ll find you

Carly: k 💙

Carly: [Private to Bartley, during this party still when she either sees the kiss itself or Moses’ posts about it, but feel free to leave replying until the next day if you want]

Carly: aw cute 💋💓🥰💘

Carly: whos she? 🤠🤎

Bartley: [replying later but still the night of, just not immediately or soon after]

Bartley: None of your business

Carly: k I’ll talk to her if youre too shy

Bartley: I’m not shy I just don’t love attention the way you do

Carly: the way I do

Carly: why are you needing to go right for slagging me?

Bartley: Oh, I wonder

Bartley: I thought you’d learn to be more careful

Carly: if youve shit to say, out w it, boy

Bartley: He will never care about you and you’re an idiot

Bartley: not even the first idiot he’s tried it on with tonight

Carly: he had making up to do to me & he did like

Bartley: Who was making up to who

Carly: I just said ⬆️

Bartley: Please, he got what he wanted

Carly: me too

Bartley: Ha, you’re disgusting

Carly: cos I let him touch me?

Carly: hope youre talking nicer to that girl now youve got near her whoever she is

Bartley: Because you let him use you, after he’s showed you and everyone what he thinks of you

Carly: you think idk before what yous all thought of me?

Carly: ive always & yous all have made sure its so

Bartley: None of the rest of us have treated you like he has

Carly: none of yous have treated me no better neither

Bartley: You’ve got to be joking

Carly: least he was offering to make me feel better for a bit

Bartley: He was offering for himself

Carly: idc i got something out of it

Bartley: Wow

Carly: why’ve you forever got to have your opinion?

Carly: its a party im only trying to have some fun same as u

Bartley: It’s a party now but when he tells you to fuck off again you’ll be the one losing it

Carly: & its nothing for you to bother yourself with when I do

Bartley: Yeah, right

Bartley: works grand when your mammy doesn’t notice

Carly: sure look go 🍻💜🎵🎶💜🤠 instead of giving it out to me about the mammy ive got

Bartley: You’re a liability to everyone and Moses won’t be the one bothering when you are

Carly: this where you come again w the threats, is it?

Carly: very spooky scary 💀🎃😈👻

Bartley: Sure, it’s funny that I bothered trying to look out for you, hilarious

Carly: since when are we calling it that?

Carly: you’re only after having a go @ me

Bartley: I was warning you but I won’t bother again, use it does

Carly: my god, we used to be friends

Carly: why is this only how we talk

Bartley: Why do you keep letting Moses ride you

Carly: im not asking why you kissed your girl

Carly: it felt good & u wanted to

Carly: why am I to jump through hoops defending myself cos its moses?

Bartley: It isn’t the same thing, you don’t know anything about it

Carly: for you cos youre a boy & Im a girl but its not my culture & still yous all wanna judge me like it is

Bartley: Enough your culture your ma wants to live here

Bartley: and that isn’t what I meant

Carly: ah well you dont mean you love her u met her tonight, no?

Bartley: Why do you keep bringing that up, it’s just a kiss

Bartley: you and Mosey did a whole lot more

Carly: k so its different cos you stopped yourself?

Bartley: It’s different ‘cos it’s a party and she’s just some girl, she doesn’t live here

Carly: yea, ive known yous all donkey’s & you might never see that girl again

Carly: but I’m the whore & youre the big man

Carly: how can you not see its backwards?

Bartley: Can’t you see that that’s backwards, you should be like a sister

Bartley: and I don’t think I’m a big man, Moses is the one that posted it, he’s always on the wind-up, as you should know

Carly: when have I ever been treated as 1? & sure how am I to start behaving like yours or his when ive not ever?

Carly: even ro went for it

Bartley: Of course they’re going to, they’ve got no self-control

Carly: you reckon its up to me to have it all & my fault i dont

Bartley: Someone has to, don’t they

Carly: I’m sorry

Bartley: I don’t need you to apologise

Bartley: I just thought you’d wised up about him

Carly: yea, be grand if I had sense

Bartley: You aren’t as stupid as you fake being

Carly: ah hey dont be nice to me bb 😵‍💫

Bartley: I know, the bar is in hell, like

Carly: w you lads

Carly: but I shouldnt have said you was as bad as moses

Carly: its not true, sorry

Bartley: You still like him best so make that make sense

Carly: i’m 😤😠 @ myself not u

Carly: for liking him

Bartley: So you should be

Bartley: he can be a laugh, to us, I don’t know what you’d see in him though

Carly: youre not gonna think hes unreal how i do hes your blood & another lad itd get you disowned x2

Bartley: You can say you think he’s handsome without accusing me of being a queer, thanks very much, I get it 🤢

Carly: id never say nobodys handsome but its proper cute you have done 💚

Bartley: As I’m not a massive gay, I’m not going to say any of the nonsense you might

Carly: idk maybe your girl would like it ive made a friend in the 🧟‍♀️💚 mosey invited 🌈❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🌈

Bartley: She’s not my girl

Carly: dont you like her?

Bartley: Our costumes just matched, Moses brought her over

Carly: if he made u kiss her you can tell me ill 💪🥊🤕

Bartley: No he didn’t make me, I wanted to, sure

Bartley: I’m just saying, idk her

Carly: least youve saved me from having to 💪🥊🤕 idk how thatd go for me like

Bartley: Not well, even if he’s not meant to fight back proper, you’re too scrawny

Carly: sure im 😵‍💫 already only 💭 of it but please no need to have us sounding like a shite 🐓 in the 🍗 way too, is there?

Bartley: You’re gas

Bartley: I’m not paying you no compliments though

Carly: boy, theres 1 itself 😅

Bartley: not about your 🍗🍗

Carly: keep them opinions to yourself tah id cry else

Bartley: Don’t be doing that, there’s nothing wrong with you

Carly: 🥺 what?

Bartley: Ack, don’t take the piss

Carly: its you turning me 🙃 by not being mean no more

Bartley: You go weird when I’m nice, that’s why

Carly: sorry idk what to do w how sweet you can be when you want

Bartley: I’m not sweet, don’t go spreading that around

Carly: 😶💚 but you are 💚👽🌱🦗🍐🍃🍏🍀🧃🥝💚

Bartley: What does all that mean, like?

Carly: what I said, you’re cute & sweet sometimes

Bartley: all the emojis

Carly: what of it youre 💚 ive told you before too

Bartley: Idk anyone else who uses them like you do

Carly: wow theres 2 compliments youve given

Carly: you feeling k or do you need to sit yourself down?

Bartley: No, that weren’t a compliment, big head

Carly: oh but I’m taking it as 1 & how are you to stop me?

Bartley: 💩💩💩💩

Carly: 😅

Bartley: Don’t do it again, yeah

Carly: moses or the taking of compliments w out your permission?

Bartley: You know which

Carly: if you see that girl again

Carly: you should have yourself 1

Bartley: I might

Carly: or another but shes to be at least as cute 🤠🤎 & hopefully sweet herself

Bartley: Or what are you gonna do?

Carly: only way to find out is go against what ive said & youd be a dope to when its for your own good 🥄💚

Bartley: Don’t recall agreeing to let you run my life for me

Carly: you asked for a sister of me

Bartley: I reckon I just said like a

Bartley: as well as should be, not to act exactly like [your oldest sister]

Carly: careful what you wish for bb 🔮💜

Bartley: 🙄 Divvy

Carly: hows you acting up like a little brother when youre meant to be older?

Bartley: You think you’re dead mature now, is it?

Carly: more than u 👶🍼

Bartley: Fuck off, nothing about you is mature, girl

Carly: is 😝

Bartley: You only think that ‘cos Mosey boy is older

Carly: & hes no complaints, my personality aside

Bartley: Not to your face, no

Carly: ive my own not to his face idc

Bartley: Suit yourself then

Carly: come on i can guess what hes told yous about me with no need to ask you to your face

Bartley: He’s not said anything to us, John would shut him up

Bartley: he rates girls though, just how lads are when you’re not around

Carly: go on what am I rated?

Bartley: I’m not saying

Carly: tell me you cant not let me have the knowing when youve said I’ve already got a number

Bartley: Ask him your bloody self, it’s his scale

Bartley: except don’t because you’re not meant to know

Carly: please

Carly: i won’t say I know or you told or nothing

Bartley: [do tell her, however offensive this is]

Bartley: you asked

Carly: oh

Bartley: He’s done it with loads of girls, that’s all

Carly: [don’t reply because you’re genuinely really upset about this and cannot because you have to go and spiral]

Bartley: I’m sorry for telling you, you shouldn’t have pestered us

Carly: I’m sorry I asked

Bartley: You aren’t the worst

Carly: [again don’t reply because that doesn’t make you feel any better and you’ve got getting messy so you don’t cry until later with that as your excuse to do]

1 note · View note

glilboy · 3 years

Text

Ateez reactions to finding you reading smut about them: Hyung line

ive had this idea for awhile and even requested it a few times from other writers but..i felt it was time to write it lol

tws under the cut

warning, this piece of fiction contains mentions of somnophilia, slight dom and sub dynamics, and general explicit topics.

Hongjoong:

You had attempted to stay up waiting for Hongjoong, deciding to reread one of your favorite stories in the mean time. Unfortunately that wasnt enough to keep you awake, you ultimately passing out and your phone tumbling onto the floor.

Hongjoong had a feeling you'd passed out since you didnt message him any "i miss you :(" texts after 11pm so seeing you knocked out on the couch was no surprise. He slowly padded over to you smiling softly, then noticing your phone on the floor and went to pick it up for you. He was never the kind to go through your phone but your smart self had no shut down timer which left the fan fiction on display for him.

He couldnt help but be curious seeing paragraphs of text and decided a little reading would do no harm. As he began to read though he felt his gut sweep, in a good way. He was honestly a little upset until he saw his name but when he read his name it was like all of exhaustion disappeared. Luckily he didn't have work the next day he thought to himself.

Sitting down on the couch with a plan he slowly nudged you awake. "Hi dear," he spoked softly with a smirk.

You rubbed at your bleary eyes and looked up at him, "Oh hi Joongie. Sorry I didn't mean to fall asleep." He smiled even bigger at you.

"Thats fine, it helped me find out something fun," he tucked your hair behind your ear. Still waking up you made a small "huh?" before seeing the phone in his hand.

"Oh..." you mumbled, starting to be awake enough to get it. You finally looked at him straight on and saw his signature devilish grin.

He moved his hand to slowly move up your thigh, giving it a small squeeze which elicted a sigh out of you. "Didn't think you'd read stuff like that Y/N, but I guess you're just full of surprises huh doll," the pet name made you shiver, Hongjoong never having used that one before.

"I'm sorry Joongie," you mumbled into your arm, face now red. His hand moving up to cup your core and grind his hand into it making you whimper softly.

"Oh dont be sorry dolly, just shows me that you really miss me."

Seonghwa:

Saying Seonghwa was caring was an understatement in a way. Despite his busy schedule he made it a point to showed he cared in different ways. One thing he always did was if you left your phone out at all he would put it on the charger for you. Small things!

Today though he had come home earlier than usual while you were taking a quick shower. Seeing your phone on the counter he waltzed over setting his stuff down to throw it on the charger even if it wasn't that low. He noticed you left it on, open to a book he assumed enough.Him being the lovely man he is he wanted to read a bit to see what you liked and possibly buy you a physical copy. Written porn with his name in it though was not what he was expecting.

Seonghwa gulped, setting down your phone with his hands shaking and his face now flushed pink. He took a deep breath and set down his bag, running his fingers through his hair now being surprisingly worked up. A part of him felt embarrassed for being turned on by the writing but at the same time he knew you didn't read it for no reason.

"Hwa! You're home early hello!" You ran up to him giggling, now clean and dressed in some sweats.

"Hey babe, yeah we got let out early cause we learned the new choreography fast enough. They asked us if we wanted to do more vocal practice but none of us did," He laughed, trying to shift his legs to hide his slight erection.

"None of you stay late ever," you giggled sarcastically up at him. "Well, I was gonna take a nap. Do you want to? I'm sure you're tired."

He nodded softly and took your hand walking to your guys bedroom talking about your day. He changed himself into more comfortable clothing then joined you in bed, you curling into him quickly. Once you settled Seonghwa felt he could actually breathe, feeling like a middle schooler just for getting more worked up from having you close. He heard your breath settle which is when he shifted away a bit from you.

"Fuck..." He mumbled, having the space now laying on his back to palm himself over his erection. Looking over at your sleeping face made it worse, the piece you had opened having involved somnophilia. One thing he never had the guts to suggest to you despite having such an open relationship.

He didn't notice your eyes flutter open at the movement. You only just fell asleep so you were in no means in too deep. You decided to play it though, closing your eyes and throwing a leg over his waist as if you were just adjusting in your sleep.

He inhaled a sharp breath and bit his lip now mildly frustrated at the whole situation. Mumbling a fake sleepy "Hwa" you moved to straddle the man hearing a childish sigh escape his lips.

"If you keep moving, I swear to god," He mumbled out loud thinking youre still asleep since you had always been a chaotic sleeper.

"And what will you do about it horny kid," you giggled against his neck. You could feel his body tense.

"Go back to sleep and I'll fuck you like your sick little fantasy, how about that hm?"

yunho:

Rain was beating against the window as you cuddled up on the couch with your phone in hand. Yunho was on the other side of his personal office playing video games. It was a chill day but something in the air was setting you slightly off the edge.

Besides the sweet glances and cheesy smiles thrown at each other, your screen was very much the opposite of innocent pure love. Getting indulged in the story you started to zone in, missing some of his looks making Yunho curious as to what your interest was delved into currently.

"Be right back guys," he said into the mic mischievously. Quickly making his way over he slipped the phone out of your hand, this behavior wouldve typically been fine but because of the contents on your screen you gasped and reached out for your phone. "You doing something naughty or do you just like acting suspicious?" he grinned before looking at your phone.

His face feel reading the paragraph of a particularly nsfw scene. You were now sitting up staring at him wide eyed, "yuyu please oh god its not what you think, i think." Silence filled the room, the only noises being the sound of his running pc and the dull chatter of the other boys.

"Do you read this often?" he said out of hesitation and pure curiosity, almost feeling that he violated your private space. He kind of got the gist of it all right away, thankfully for your sake.

"Not all the time but i mean, you are busy yunho," you tried to softly explain knowing this was odd territory.

"Do you...ever want to try it," he says, getting to the end of the page and looking at you.

"I can't say that..none of them aren't, nice," the air was filled with an awkward energy that could suffocate another person if they came in at such a weird time.

The two of you stood there for a second, until he moved towards you and took your hand. He placed it on his bulge and you sucked a breathe in.

"Take off my pants," he ordered, a strange harsh tone to his voice. For you guys there was never set roles, not any dom or sub dynamic but it wasnt vanilla per say so him speaking like this was new. Besides that, you did as he said and pushed your thumbs under the waistband of his sweats, pulling them down his legs.

Silently he took your hand then sat down on his gaming chair, pulling out his large cock. He slipped on his headphones before looking up at you with a shit eating grin.

"Sit down, i can tell youve been dying too babe."

yeosang:

You were waiting for yeosang to come home after a shorter than usual practice, deciding to pass the time by indulging in your secret world. In the midst of browsing your favorite blogs you didn't hear the door open, this event made you learn not to have headphones in when participating in such activities.

Walking in, Yeosang looked around for you and spotted your figure on the couch. He slowly moved near with a secret motive of scaring you when he glanced at your phone seeing a photo of him paired with a lot of writing. Tilting his head curiously he squinted to read the text, reading along with you until his face flushed.

Sucking in a breath slightly he moved back to the door, playing off him just entering. You noticed his figure walking towards you and sneakily turned off your phone and got up to greet him.

"Hey babe, it's nice to see you in the sunlight," you giggled and wrapped your hands around his waist. You noticed him hesitantly wrapping his arms around you, causing you to pull away.

"Hey, whats up? you seem a bit off?" you pouted and brushed the hair out of his eyes, not catching the little blush.

"Yeah yeah babe, I'm fine. promise," he cleared his throat and pulled away, making your heart sink a bit. He practically completely ignored what you actually said.

"No Yeo, I- did I do something wrong? Or just a long day?" you pried knowing something was up.

Shifting awkwardly on his feet he looked up at you, his hair back in his face. "I um, saw what you were reading."

The color drained from your face, mouth slightly hanging not knowing what to say. You thought he was pissed, was going to leave and break up with you but right when you were about to talk he spoke again.

"C-can we do that?"

A moment of silence passed and you looked up at him, your boyfriend who was typically very soft and gentle in bed. Knowing what you were reading was likely pretty heavy in his book, you became worried. "Yeo, I just read it. It means nothing I don't want to make you uncomforta-"

His lips cut yours off and one hand entangled in your hair, his other guiding you to the wall by your hip. Back flush against the way you pulled away after a moment to see his eyes wide and sweat already beading down his temple.

"I've wanted to do that, just didn't want to scare you dear."

#ateez smut #ateez reactions #ateez scenarios #kim honjoong smut #park seonghwa smut #jeong yunho smut #kang yeosang smut #hongjoong smut #seonghwa smut #yunho smut #yeosang smut #kpop smut

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mmayflowers · 3 years

Text

“All you ever do is hurt me” Eren Yeager x GN Arlert!Reader

Fandom: Attack on Titan

Warnings: Season 1-4 Spoilers (you have been warned), Eren Yeager (he needs his own warning smh)

A/N: Tell me you have brain rot with out telling me you have brain rot 😀✋ This prompt was borrowed from @lotsoffandomimagines prompt list, thx Ace.

*＊✿❀All you ever do, All I’ve ever done.❀✿＊*

You never thought that being outside the walls would be like this. You had daydreamed with your older brother, Armin, about what the world outside the walls was like. Your life now was not what you had dreamed about.

When you were 10, your home fell to the titans and lost everything including your grandfather who you lost later in the year. At 12 you joined the military with your brother and his friends to help the fight against the titans. You had turned to one of your brothers friends in that time, the only one you thought would listen. Eren Yeager. He lost his mom in the fall of Shiganshina and hadn’t been the same since. You and Eren had talked during all of the sleepless nights and the long days. He confirmed you, and you had felt safe. After the Battle for Trost, you had done the same to him. Sitting, talking when he wanted to and listened when he needed you to. However, everything changed when you, along with Eren and your friends were assigned to Levi’s new special squad.

You were constantly put in risky positions, always in danger. All for Eren’s sake. The times you almost lost your life we’re beginning to be countless. Not one remark from Eren, the boy you had grown to love.

At age 15 you found out some of your friends were sent to destroy all you ever knew and almost lost your brother.

Reiner Braun and Bertholt Hoover. The armored titan and the colossal titan. They were the two who cause so much pain and loss and suffering that fateful day, all to get into the walls. They took Eren in hopes of taking him back to their home across the sea as you would later find out. You had found the sea despite all of the pain and more encounters with death. After the Retaking of Shiganshina, the Survey Corps, or what was left, made their way to the sea. However it was evident that your fight wasn’t over yet.

Now here you stood, at age 18. In front if the boy who seemingly caused it all. After the fall of the titan’s reign on Paradis, after your excursion to Marley, and after the death of Sasha Braus. All Eren caused was pain, to everyone, but also to you.

“I didn’t expect you.” His voice was different. It was older, but more tired.

“I didn’t expect this from you.” You said. “It’s been a year Eren.”

“Did Sasha make it?”

“Did she make it?” You laughed, anger was laced into the noise. “She died on spot, she’s gone, she’s dead.”

“And you,” he asked “how are you?”

“Like you care.” You spat. Eren harshly gripped the bars that separated the two of you.

“I HAVE DONE NOTHING BUT TRY TO PROTECT YOU Y/N!”

“NO!” You screamed back “NO ALL YOU EVER DO IS HURT ME! IT’S ALL YOUVE EVER DONE!”

You had never raised your voice. Not at Eren, ever. A tense mood settled over the room, all the titan shifter could do now was listen.

“The Battle for Trost, that day with the female titan, several times during the Shiganshina siege. I almost lost my brother because of you, NOW WITH SASHA, THE MASSACRE AT MARLEY! I almost lost my life… because of you. We’re in the survey corps, and that’s an understandable risk, but not to the degree i’ve experienced. It’s not ok.”

“Y/N-“

“Save it. I don’t want to hear it. Hange wanted to talk to you. I’ll go tell them they can come in now.”

Turning on your heel, you walked down the hallway. You didn’t look back, and you didn’t respond when you heard the boy calling your name. You had been hurt before, but not again.

Not for anyone ever again.

A/N: this is really bad, but it was kinda self indulgent… so Enjoy!

#aot #attack on titan #attack on titan x reader #gender neutral imagine #eren yaegar #eren x y/n #eren jeager x reader #attack on titan angst

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missdrarrydawn · 3 years

Text

------------ Occupy My Heart ------------

Draco Malfoy x fem!Reader

warning: implied smut, brief mentions of drinking

~~~

written for the lovely @leydileyla who offered me this absolute gem of a prompt that I simply couldn't pass up

hope you enjoy hon :DD

~~~

You were really starting to feel the buzz of the Butterbeers a few hours into the Interhouse party that was thrown for all the returning eighth years. You're such a horrible lightweight, Butterbeer is just vaguely alcoholic, if at all. It warmed you up and left a pleasant tingle in its wake. Just enough to let the music and lights around you blur and blend, to ripple against your skin and soothe. The smell of the ale cookies served at various tables scattered around the one conjoined common room for all the Houses now wafted through the thick, cloying air, between meandering bodies of various dancing students, all the scents making your head spin from where you were sitting at the little makeshift bar.

The party's been wilding on way past curfew but no teachers arrived to interrupt you yet so it was fair game. Everything felt so liquid and pleasant, the atmosphere sticking to your slick skin, the warmth and haze prickling at the back of your neck.

Gods you needed a shower. Perhaps you might sneak away to have a quick one? The party showed no signs of slowing down and you were drained.

As you pushed away from the bar, colors still swimming before your eyes from all the sparkle and decorative banners strung up everywhere, you felt a shiver run down your spine.

You felt eyes on you.

Turning about to find the possible culprit, you registered a flash of platinum blonde hair in a darkened corner and the piercing glow of silver eyes lingering on you.

Draco.

A chuckle rumbled from your chest as you allowed yourself a moment to revel in his gaze before melding into the throng of people, sliding between them, trying to remember whether your dorm was the door on the left or the right upstairs. It wouldn't do to barge into someone else's dormroom.

As you made your way along you still felt pins and needles in your back, as if someone was keeping pace with you. Goodness, that was incredibly paranoid, wasn't it? You vowed to yourself to never drink Butterbeer again. Even slightly tipsy you were a disaster.

Finally you got through everyone and into the quieter part of the room, where all the dorms were. There were only a few people milling about there, stumbling off to their rooms with whoever they pulled or to retch or simply pass out.

The beat of the music was muffled here, no longer a steady, beating ebb flowing through your skull, now more resembling a foggy memory. It was easier to think, to breathe. You've never been much of a party animal, but this one was important. It celebrated unity and the war being over, it celebrated those who lived and fought. It mattered to attend. After Hogwarts rebuilt and reopened, the first thing that changed was the system of the four houses, headmistress McGonagall had dismantled it entirely after witnessing how horrific segregation could be.

Everyone was thrown in one mixing pot, which had been strange at first, but throwing a party like this really helped scrub out the imaginary lines in the sand everyone had drawn between themselves.

Speaking of scrubbing, you finally arrived to your dorm and basically collapsed through the door in your quest for a shower. Where was the bathroom door again? Ah right, over there, of course.

You slipped through, the bright Lumos having you squint for a second while your eyes adjusted from the dim haze of downstairs to the sparkling clean of tile.

Right. You closed the door behind you and began to undress, your clothes peeling away from the sweat plastered all over you from all the vigorous dancing you'd done.

As you kicked off your shoes and set your bare feet on the cold floor, a distinct icy chill ran up your legs and through the rest of you, shivering away the brittle buzz you'd worked up, cooling you down.

Once your clothes were a discarded pile on the floor, you stepped into the shower and pulled the fogged glass door shut, fiddling with the taps before a spray of warm water finally hit your face and shoulders.

What a relief.

You began to scrub and lather yourself up, cleaning off the night with the water sluicing down your skin, your mind starting to wander as you relaxed into the moment more. Warm showers were a treasure.

Draco was staring at you back there. For a brief second you made eye contact before you left. Did that mean something? You felt silly for wanting to know but that boy has occupied the vacant spaces of your heart for far too long now, and you couldn't help but hope that his intense, focused gaze meant something more.

As you began washing your hair, a knock on the door startled you out of your skin. You almost poured shampoo into your eyes for heaven's sake!

"Um—occupied?" you yelled out, hoping to be heard over the gush of water. If someone needed the bathroom urgently then they could come in to use it, it's not as if anyone would see you in your birthday suit, but if it wasn't urgent then they could find another one.

"Ahh, Y/N, it's—uh, it's me! I was just wondering if you were okay?" a familiar voice from the other side of the door spoke up.

You knew that voice. It was so familiar. Who—

You felt every bit of you freeze as your brain spat out the answer for you.

Draco. It was Draco.

Checking up on you.

What should you do now? Your heart began hammering away quicker, this was hardly the time or place to flirt or attempt seduction and—

Well. As you considered the statement that just flittered through your mind you found it not entirely true.

You were naked after all, naked and wet. What more perfect scenario for seduction did there exist?

"I'm okay Draco, um—you can come in?" you yelled back, lips stretching into a smile. Technically he shouldn't be here at all, seeing as these were girls quarters and all, but if he's been invited it shouldn't be too much of an issue. If he accepted, that was.

There was silence for a few beats, the moment dragging on, you almost thought you'd scared him off, but then—

The soft, distinct click of the door being opened and shut.

Bingo.

Now, how exactly would you do this? You supposed you could ask him to get you a towel when you were done, and let him have a glimpse.

Merlin it sounded corny as all fuck, but you were prepared to do what it takes.

Until then though, you supposed you should talk about anything, keep the atmosphere up.

You could just barely make out his tall, foggy outline through the sliding glass of the shower, and you watched him move to sit down on the toilet seat.

Wait a second—if you could partly see him, did that mean he could partly see you too?

That was even more perfect.

"Hi Draco, you like the party?" you threw out the question casually, hoping to lessen the strangeness of the situation. You and him were friends, well, acquaintances more so, so it's not as if you've never spoken berore, but still. This was way different from any interaction youve had prior. "Thank you for checking up on me."

"Ahh ahem—no problem Y/N, you seemed a little tipsy back there so I uh—I thought you might—Well yea." he stumbled through his words, hardly even finishing the sentence properly.

That was—quite uncharacteristic of Draco Malfoy. He was always the one with the silver tongue, the sharp remark, had a comment to spare for anything, and to hear him stutter and hiccup his way through speaking as if he were a nervous school girl talking to her crush was very new and strange.

You'd be lying if you said it wasn't endearing as all hell though.

You could have a lot of fun with this.

"I see I see. I did build a bit of a buzz but nowhere near as bad as some of the other characters around this place. I mean, did you see Zabini strip his shirt off and then dance on the tables? Goodness." you simply continued along, as if this were a casual conversation and you weren't naked and washing out your hair.

"Haha, yeah, yes, Blaise will have one hell of a hangover tomorrow." Draco chuckled, though it sounded breathy and rough, somehow.

You were almost done now.

"Parvati will too, say, could you brew a vial of that potion of yours, for hangovers, for her? She's my roommate and I loathe to hear her whining tomorrow. You're the best at it, after all." You let your voice linger above the spray.

This time, Draco audibly spluttered and you saw a flurry of blurred movement, which eased a laugh past your lips.

"Um—yea, of—of course. I can do that. Um, Y/N isn't this—I don't know, a little strange?"

He sounded so thoroughly flustered, which really got you hoping. The stares, checking up on you, doing you favors, getting flustered by the situation, hm.

Hm.

It was worth a shot anyhow, right?

Time for a new plan.

Another chuckle rattled through your ribs. This was insane.

You grabbed the handle of the door and slid it open just enough to lean your head through. You could finally get a good look at him. He was sitting on the toilet seet, his entire face splotched and flushed all down his neck, wringing his hands and bouncing his leg.

When he heard you slide the door open he turned his head abruptly and you heard his breath hitch as he got a look at your face and shoulder sticking out, his eyes sliding from your eyes to your lips, lower still, to your neck and collarbones and—then he remembered himself and turned away abruptly.

"I'm sorry! Oh Merlin, are you—are you done? Do you uh—need a towel or—?" He began to ramble all in one breath and you just continued smiling fondly at his turned back.

"Oh Draco, won't you come in here with me already?"

You held out your hand and patiently waited. You could imagine this would be quite a fallout.

Draco stood completely still when the words left your mouth. One minute, two minutes, three—

The water drying on your skin while more sprayed down had gooseflesh rising all over you. Still, you waited.

"Um—what?" Draco whimpered eventually, voice giving out on him at the end there.

"You heard me." you assurred him.

The hum of running water was the only sound bouncing off the walls again, the very faintest echo of music from downstairs lilting through the closed door.

Draco turned to face you again, he looked wrecked. Eyes wide and dark, his pupils basically swallowing the silver irises, hair disheveled, breath coming in gentle pants.

"You want—?" he mumbled, his voice betraying his own hope and eagerness.

"Yes. For a while." your own smile widened, and for a second a pang of anxiety struck you as you realized he was about to see you naked, but it all dissipated into pooling heat and want as you watched him slowly reach for the first button of his mint green button up shirt and slide it loose. His wide eyes never left yours and you watched the slight tremor in his fingertips as he freed every button, one by one, until his shirt opened and slid off his shoulders, fluttering to the floor.

God he's delicious. All lean, well defined Seeker's physique, the pale marble of his skin an endless expanse. You let your eyes wander, drink in the sight, slide across his chest and lower, over his taut abdomen, hanging up on the waistband of his pants. An outline pushed against the seams there, your mouth watering at the visible bulge.

"Me too." he mumbled, as if you needed any more proof or reassurance of his desire, his hand slowly reaching for his zipper now.

Oh what a lovely party it's been indeed and it was about to get so much better.

~~~

Fin.

#x reader fic #hp fanfic #draco malfoy x fem!reader #party #getting tipsy #showers #implied smut #brief mentions of drinking #tipsy!reader #protective!draco #humour #seduction #getting together #long post

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staycult · 4 years

Text

highschool!minho as your boyfriend

pairing — fem!reader x minho

genre — fluffish angst-ish ? bullet scenario but mostly not, enemies to lovers

word count — 2k

happy birthday to our precious cat boy! 🐈

happy birthday lino!

you’re one of the best dancers in your school

competitions arent complete without you

i guess the popularity with dancing got over your head a little bit

to you, you were just proud

but others took it the wrong way, as per usual

“alright we’re going to have a new member in our crew, please give him a warm welcome!” your dance instructor clapped

you wiped off your sweat and sat down on the floor to listen further

“come in, lino!” she urged

the young man came in wearing gray sweats and a plain black shirt with a poker face on

you didnt really care nor felt a bond forming between you two

“hi, lee minho, nice to meet you” he smiled half heartedly

you heard the other girls in the room swoon at the sight of him

you were about to nudge your friend who was obviously squealing when the instructor interrupted

“[y/n]! stand over here, please” she pointed beside minho

so you complied

his scent was manly with a hint of softness

he was taller than you and had a lean body structure

your instructor was eyeing the both of you from head to toe and proceeded to call over another instructor

“see, they would be perfect for it!” she whisper shouted at her fellow instructor, still eyeing the both of us

“i do agree with you but dont you think minho is still new? he just came in” the other replied

“minho if you don’t mind? can i show him your audition video?” she asked

minho gave her a nod while he looked around the place with his arms crossed, while you looked like an idiot just standing there like 🧍🏻‍♀️

“wow! his body is flexible, you made the right choice with these two" the male instructor commended

“right?"

"alright, you two would be assigned to create a new choreography for the up coming dance competition. it should be hip hop styled, music of choice is yours." she instructed

your fellow dancers already went home since it was getting late, so you did too after the discussion

you didnt really talk to minho

you felt like you didnt need to, yet

unless it was about the dance

practices were always held after classes. you and the crew decided to brainstorm possible songs that you guys could dance to. all of the songs they were suggesting was boring and at this point you were frustrated and threw a fit. "god, think!" you sighed at your fellow dancers as you ruffled your hair in anger. "do you have any better ideas?" minho asked, nonchalant. "i evaluate whether or not the songs can be used. do you have any ideas?" you rolled your eyes, copying his tone.

he shook head and let out a light smirk, a rather amused one. he suggested songs and remixes that were actually good, but you can never say that. for the first time, someone actually had the courage to speak back to you during your angry state. it did hurt your ego a bit.

"no, i dont want that, it's ear-bleeding" you lied, just for the sake of your reputation in front of your fellow members. "im not asking for your permission, im showing this to noona," he said getting up from the floor with the computer and walked out to find our older instructor.

whispers and held back laughter was heard in the room while their eyes are focused to either you, or minho's back who just disappeared

being a little brat, you stomped over to minho ( who you found in the hallway, just outside your instructor's office ) "you!" you stormed over until youre close enough. without looking, he let out a sigh, "what?"

"what the hell was that about!" you half-shouted, eyebrows furrowed. "what? did i hurt your ego?" he raised an eyebrow, giving you a smirk. you were taken aback by his choice of words. no body has ever came this close to you. all he did was say the truth, because he really did hurt your ego. you hate being told what to do and you hate getting embarrassed in front of people.

your face turned red, "you know what? fuck you" you turned around and left. leaving him with this annoying smug look on his pretty face.

it became a routine

to argue with him during practice

you guys were partners in the said dance

being close with his body gives you the chance to take revenge

by making yourself heavy every time he has to carry you

but you learned that he's not the one to hold back

by letting go of you, causing you to fall off ass first

after a month straight of practice, it went like that

safe to say you hated each other's guts

he hated your bratty and egotistic attitude, and you hated him for pointing it out in front of every one

there's 3 more days until the performance

and somehow, nervousness was getting ahead of you.

"one last practice for today! let me see what you guys got." your instructor said as you guys were positioning yourselves in place. during the dance, you knew you made so many mistakes but you were still hoping it would go unnoticed. making the ending pose, every one clapped as well as the instructor.

"over all, it's a winning dance for me!" every one cheered for the mentor's compliment while you were feeling unsteady. "[y/n], work on the dance a little more okay? you seem a bit on edge" she gave you a small smile. embarrassment was written all over your face. improve? me? christ! it's much worse when minho, who is right beside you, heard that.

the instructor left and every one proceeded to pack their things. as you were about to close yours, "work on the dance a little more okay?" little shit minho repeated your instructors words, with a smug look on his face that you badly want to wipe off with a punch

"okay" you replied dryly, not wanting to engage with crap because of your rising nervousness. "looks like im about to take your place, brat" he added. you knew he was just messing around since both of you had been fighting like this almost every day. you gave him a nod because you just wanted to escape at this point. you placed your bag over your shoulder and opened the door, "don't you think maybe it's because you're not that good-"

"can we not do this right now? alright? i get it. if you really are so fucking great, congrats! now leave me alone." you spat, walking past him and left the studio. the sun was setting when you got out and it was a rather chill weather. it was fine, we're in the middle of october any way.

you sighed as you hugged yourself for comfort due to the strong wind. walking home, you decided to stop by a vending machine.

great! your money just had to be stuck in the vent. just when you thought your day could get worse, this happens. you placed your head on the glass of the machine in front of you while mindlessly playing with the buttons.

you regret losing your cool in front of minho like that, because you know he was just messing around. at some point during practice, you were slowly learning that being a brat is horrible and not everything will go my way.

you noticed that you were starting to change too.

you let out another sigh and kicked a foreign rock to express your frustration. you eyes went back to the stuck money and tried to get it out again. a random finger from behind pressed a red button on top of the machine, which immediately retrieved your money.

you turned back around to thank the person, "thank you-" your smile faded when you realized who it was. he had a small cat eye smile on, "hi" he said in a low tone, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

"hi" you said rather awkwardly. "what drink do you want?" he said as he brought out his wallet, positioning himself in front of the machine. "no you don't have to" you protested. "please, let me do this, it's the least i can do for pissing you off"

"banana milk, and im sorry too" you replied, playing with your fingers. he gave you this 'why are you saying sorry' look. "im sorry for all the mean stuff i said back there, i dont know what has gotten into me, im just so nervous about the performance"

he nodded, implying that he's listening while typing and inserting the money on the machine. "im just sorry for being a brat in general," you smiled apologetically as you accepted the banana milk from him. both of you sat down beside the vending machine.

"you dont have to apologize you know? im the one who took it too far" he said, guilt plastered all over his face. "it's fine, i deserve it. besides if it wasnt for you, i wouldnt have notice how much of a bitch i am." you admitted with a light chuckle.

"i didnt mean what i said earlier by the way," he spoke, finishing up his own banana milk. "which one?" you asked. "when i said you were not that good, i didnt mean it. in fact, youre one of the best." he admitted, placing his empty banana milk beside him.

"you think so?" you asked with a smile. "i know so" he smiled back, removing his hairband and placing it back again. "maybe that's why im falling for you." he mumbled.

competition day came

you were feeling energetic today

bratiness level lowered down by 70%

the performance went really great

every one at your school was rooting for your team

which made you even more giddy

"and the grand champion for this year is..."

you heard your school's name and immediately hugged minho unintentionally out of joy

your legs were wrapped up in his waist and he was swinging you around, happy to win as well.

he let go of you gently, trying not to make things awkward

youve already touched his body due to the dance steps but it felt awkward after he confessed

after the celebration, your crew was in the back stage, preparing for the surprise

today is october 25, meaning it's his special day

you got out the cake you personally baked for him and motioned everyone to gather around before minho comes in

"surprise!" every one cheered and threw random pieces of paper towards him when he came in the back stage

"happy birthday to you! happy birthday to you! happy birthday dear minho, happy birthday to you" you sang along with the crew and faced him his cake

"make a wish, lino" you said as you waited for him to blow.

"i wish to be with you" he said out loud, not even minding the people around us and blew the candle out. a lot of ooos and cheers were heard, making you blush. you gathered frosting all over your finger and proceeded to wipe it on his face

he let out a fake shocked face as he did the same to you. by now, every one around you has frosting in your faces. musting up all the courage left in you. you made your way to minho once more and placed a frosting on his lips. he smirked at your sudden action as he lifted you up.

you pressed your lips against his, licking the frosting clean off of him. he gladly accepted the kiss, ignoring everyone around the both of you. pulling away, "maybe i am falling for you too, lino" you confessed. making him kiss you once more.

bf minho is very tsundere

as usual, dance practices together

vending machine dates after practice

lots and lots of i love yous while dancing

SLOW DANCING IN YOUR ROOM!!!!!!

would let you meet his cats bcs "you are now worthy"

helping each other out with missed assignments

your best friend

kisses are wild but soft

dance covers together

will literally break the vending machine to give you your banana milk

would buy you breakfast

holds your hand during break

cuddling with his cats!!!!!!

forehead kisses with reassurance

people dont get your inside jokes

a tease !!!!!

"baby, there is no one else like you"

author's note —

i tried to make this gender neutral but i dont know much about mxm dancing together! sorry about that, i tried to lessen the female details though.

im open for constructive criticism! i made this a birthday special for our lee know <3

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lununnunna · 4 years

Text

Waterworks || Dabi x Reader

angst in which you dont realize dabi physically cannot cry bc his mf tearducts out here like *burnt*

(again idk how 2 shorten my posts :( so apologies in advance) ((also couldnt stop thinking abt how dabi fr out here like ugly crying wo the tears i had an itch to write the angst))

part two

most times it made you lovingly roll your eyes. other times it made you laugh. but lately, dabis nonchalant and rather apathetic demeanor was weighing on you.

youve yet to see him cry, even when you two have your arguments and little bicker-fests, as any normal couple has. hes never cried, only yelled, or flashed bitter smiles and dark laughs. it unsettled you. hes never once shed a single tear, not even for your sake.

you began to question if he really loved you as much as you did, him.

surely if he loved you, he would cry in relief for your safety, or in sympathy for something that upset you, right?

you ultimately supposed he wouldnt really be one to cry to begin with, but what of that time you were followed home and nearly kidnapped? assaulted? he had merely burned them to ash for you, and carried you inside as you sobbed into his shoulder. he hadnt even done so much as comment; no whispers of relief, no ‘i love you’s, nothing to show you he was glad you were okay save for the kisses to your head and rubs on your back until you fell asleep. at the time, you felt he was focused on consoling you, and assumed he just didnt want you to know he was worried.

but now, you wondered if he even really cared.

a part of you told you you were being ridiculous, that he had to care if he was still with you, to bother saving you to begin with— but the hurt in your heart and concern in your head spoke louder, and drowned out any reason.

and so, here you found yourself, anxiety bubbling in the pit of your stomach and rising like bile into your throat. you had confronted him on the matter, only to be brushed off, irritating you until it had led to another petty argument.

you swallowed.

you wanted the truth, and you wanted it bad. you desperately needed to know what you truly meant to him. surely, if he cared, this would stir him, right? this would have to invoke some sort of feeling in him, right?

tears stinging your eyes, throat tightening and suddenly feeling dryer than the sahara desert, you spoke, voice trembling.

“i.. im leaving.”

he fixed you with his sharp, icy gaze.

“what?” he gritted out through clenched teeth.

“i said im leaving. we’re— we’re over. we should break up.”

you watched his reaction carefully, watching the way the muscles in his jaw flexed and tightened, before relaxing and a low chuckle escaped from the back of his throat. he ran a hand through his hair, scoffing.

he glanced over to you once more.

“you dont mean that, doll. look, lets just put this behind us. you know i love you, so give it a rest, yeah? lets just watch a movie.”

you could hear the irritation threatening to leak into his voice. your brows furrowed into a frown.

“do i? do i know you love me? because from where im standing, im not feeling it. i meant what i said. i think itd be for the best if we at least took a break.”

he was silent after that. you could see the anger brewing behind those oceanic eyes you fell in love with, staring at you, trying to read you, as if he thought if he stared long enough, hed be able to see and understand what you were thinking; feeling, and why.

you trembled. you wouldnt be able to hold back the tears much longer.

you took a deep, shaky breath.

“goodbye, dabi.”

he didnt say anything. he didnt say anything as you walked away, slipping on your shoes at the door. he only watched, frozen in place, mind racing with a million thoughts at once. dont forget your coat, he wanted to say. its cold out. its dark. stay safe, baby. call me the moment you feel scared or threatened.

but his body wouldnt respond. he felt numb, watching your retreating figure slip behind the door, the soft click of the doorknob suddenly sounding so much louder in his head.

he was trembling violently, anger and despair crashing over him in suffocating waves.

everything felt so fucking surreal. he felt like it was a dream, it wasnt real, you were only kidding, you were only testing him, you didnt mean it, youd be back tomorrow, kissing him and hugging him and gracing him with your sweet voice talking about anything and everything and nothing in particular.

but he knew.

he knew it wasnt a joke. it was real. you were gone, and he didnt stop you.

and that pissed him off to all fucking hell.

he snapped, letting out a scream of rage, bellowing into the empty apartment, knees buckling under the weight of his broken heart. fists and fire met anything he could come into contact to, wrecking the living room as his screams and shouts tore through his throat, desperate to be heard.

he wanted to cry. he wanted to cry, to chase after you, to wrap you in his arms and kiss you like there would be no tomorrow. he hated himself.

he fucking hated himself.

he wanted to burn the entire building down in his rage and sorrow, to burn the entire world so youd have no choice but to run to him. but he knew that was wrong. he couldnt control you— if you didnt want to be with him anymore, who was he to stop you? he doesnt want to be with him either.

yet here he is, all alone, caving, curling into himself as he dropped to the ground, the apartment thoroughly wrecked. stuck with nobody but himself and his overwhelming devastation. his face twisted in what could only be described as pain, scrunching and folding in on itself. he was bleeding. he must have popped a staple when he was screaming, but he didnt care, not even as they pulled and tugged ever so painfully as he choked on another shout of anguish.

there he sat, a pathetic being in the middle of the life he made for himself.

there he sat, sobbing tearlessly as the boy who couldnt cry.

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theholyyuunoaduck · 4 years

Text

Reasons why i hate mikaela hyakuya

@gurensangel @chaoticgaymess sorry i know you wanted me to repost your post but its easier just starting my own and making my own hashtag so incase anyone else asks me about this i can just look for the hashtag and send them this

Mikaela is honestly one of those characters i desperately and i mean desperatly tried to love i mean his kid self was so so easy to love and want to protect and hell i cried a shit ton for him and his past his problems everything but the reality is mikaela is a toxic person and here im going to be explaining everything as clearly as i can though im sure that everyone has heard most of these arguments i also have some most people wouldnt even consider

Why is mikaela toxic? Well simply said when you have one person and only one then its obviously going to be an underlying mental health issue now you could say other characters are similar to mikaela within that regard like every other vampire but heres the thing we dont get to see much of the other vampires so im more or less apathetic to those vampires and their actions however in accordance to mikaela we have watched his actions since day one and his chemistry with the rest of the cast of owari no seraph what grinds my gears isnt the fact that mikaela acts with violence and distrust towards everyone but the actions that the rest of the cast have taken towards mikaela and his inability to react differently towards those same exact characters aka shinoa squad

Shinoa squad has never once treated mikaela with prejiduce with agendas or anything of ill will since day one the fact that shinoa basically is the cause of death of many of her comrads during the nagoya arc where mikaela attacks the jida troop (and yes it is a troop considering that after reading pannel after pannel theres upwards to 20 soldiers who the majority of which are equiped with standard blades unlike the protagonists you know basically cannon fodder) but my problem is the fact that in that chapter shinoa instigated their betrayal to save mikaela from the rest of the troops shinoa's life was threatned straight after acknowledging that this could be the last she ever layed eyes on yuichiro by letting mikaela escape with him first threatened by a random soldier and then right after rika inoue and by her superior narumi makoto and shinoa the fucking chad she is just took all the punishment because she knows damn well that it is her fault her comrads died because of her distraction to allow mikaela to escape eating away the precious time guren baught his soldiers to run away and escape and how does mikaela respond? He tells yuu to abandon them it doesnt take a genius to say that betrayal especially to the hiragi family is met with death even if mikaela doesnt understand the rules and regulations of human law i doubt vampire law is much different meaning he knows damn well shinoa could lose her life for betraying the army for his sake and not just shinoa but her entire squad

I already know what youll say "but but mikas a vampire he has no emotions" bullshit absolute pure fucking bullshit of an argument considering the fact yoichis mention of the word family/freinds was cause for pause for mikaela and not just mikaela look at ferid look at crowley theyre all so vibrant and brimming with personality and emotion and i am damn well sure no one disagrees this could just be kagami's writing and forgetting about this plotpoint

The fact that despite this mikaela is a manipulative fucker we all know yuu is a dumbass no one can deny this the fact that mikaela is willing to point his sword towards yuichiro and threaten him his so called beloved speaks volumes about mikaelas ego his straight up ego thinking that he's the only one that could be right after all mikaelas the wisest of the bunch right i mean after all everyone of his other decisions was followed through with outstanding results anyone? Anyone? Thats right not once has the squad or especially yuichiro listend to mikaela and do to that fact everyone is alive and kicking examples? (This is also an example of manipulative mika) Mika: Yuu abandon shinoa because if she's as great as you say us sticking around will only cause her trouble you cannot tell me that isnt mikaela trying to twist yuu's feelings for his family to abandon them because had they listened to mikaela shinoa would have been impaled by the chains kureto produced to awaken the seraph of the end

And almost right after that same situation upon mahiru injuring yuu awakening abadon mikaela high tails and runs away carrying yuu and we actually see a pannel of shinoa squad scrambling for saftey straight up abandoning them again and going so far as to yell that he is yuu's only family despite all the other shit

Alright so lets play into the whole mika doesnt have feelings dont you think that having no feelings would make your sense of judgement all the better? And if so with all the evidence and actions of shinoa squad why in Gods blue earth would he basically act like an actual dick towards shinoa who saved his life risked her life for him as if shinoa is the sole reason yuu is in the prediciment of being possessed by yuu?? Isnt that the least bit infuriating??

On next of we shouldnt listen to mikaela in the same arc again mikaela suggests lets leave shinoa squad to face off against crowley AND FERID with this bullshit of "theyre after us theyll just ignore them" i mean are you kidding me? Ferid the man youve been with for 5 years is going to not have the time of his life killing a bunch of teenagers for the simple fact that if yuu is running away and leaving them.they must not be important to him therefore easy pickings for him

Lets not trust guren after all he's just using you he doesnt care the man loves that boy like as if he was his son and you can argue against me with this some time later but alright lets give mika the benifit of the doubt so obviously in mikas infinit wisdom his set course of action is killing him infront of yuichiro??? Really??? In front of him?? Killing his father infront of yuu man that just speaks volumes about how mikaeala only cares about the feeling he gets with yuu rather than carring about yuu as a person

Imo mika cares about how yuu makes him feel rather than who yuichiro is what do i mean by this? Its simple mika doesnt give a damn what makes yuu happy hell mika would cage yuu up if it ment keeping him safe and alive but is that really living? Its cruelty if i adopt a dog feed it and give it water but never play with it and isolate it thats basically animal cruelty

Anyway back to mika trying to kill guren just right there yuu begs mika to stop and grabs his arm pulling him back and what does mika do? What does he do? He lops off yuu's arm the one that was holding mikaela back from attacking what makes this scene even worse is i had so much hope for mikaeala because the last battle they won mikaela said the thoight of losing his.comrads made him dizzy what happened to him not having feelings? I lived loved loved that statement i imagined uncle mika to yuus kids being the best man to yuus wedding begging to be the one to make the wedding cake so so so so so many au's based off those little words and right after removing yuu's limb from him kimizuki and yoichi step up for guren weapons drawn and mikaela threatens them?!?!?! I mean honestly how fucking hypocritical can you be how big is his fucking ego???

Ill end it with this point because i have work in the morning i Still have another 20 bullet points i want to add but im starting to think i have artheritistis in my hand because my fingers hurt so much but anyway my point being mikaelas character contradicts yui's in an unhealthy way while yuu's character trait is to run towards danger to be a hero mikas is to run from danger its basically a tug of war and the thing is the story so far has actually turned out well for the cast running into danger for yuu made the 6th angels trumpet to grow silent destroying all of the four horsemen monsters and letting humanity take a huge step towards rebuilding but had it been mika's way theyd have run right out of that building never to see it again my point is if someone pulls and runs towards something and another character ties a rope to them and runs the other direction that tension will cause nothing but problems instead of running forward with the protagonist in order to keep them safe and actually contribute into the success of the mission

Also like the hashtags say this is only part 1 because as i said i have to sleep and my hand is killing me i should have done this earlier when i had more energy in order to bring along all the sources like the chapter and page where you can find these exact moments along with photos of said arguments/bullet points

#owari no seraph #seraph of the end #yuichiro hyakuya #shinoa hiiragi #mikaela shindo #mikaela hyakuya #reasons i hate mikaeal hyakuya part 1

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lordseochangbin · 4 years

Text

sunshine- han jisung

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

even in a noisy city, do whatever you want, sit in the sunshine and close your eyes, look at me for a second

a/n: hi guys!! this is fluff <33 levanter came out :O what’s your fav song on the album? mine is sunshine hehe but they’re all bops !!

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

ever since their concert had ended, jisung along chan and changbin have been working inside of the la studio. it was their second day and they realized their hotel room was a waste considering the three of them were practically living in the small space.

“come on jisung, changbin! lets just go to the room we can’t stay here the whole week” Chan suggested, nudging jisungs shoulder

changbin got up, his expression exhausted and his eye bags dropping low. “yeah i think it’s time we get a little rest, the couch isn’t that comfortable”

“ok we’re both going, how about you jisung?” the hyung asked his younger.

jisung looked up from his little notebook filled with scribbles and words for future songs. “nahh ima finish this one song, a little worried about how the music will play out” jisung replied, rubbing his sleepy eyes. after a little protesting, chan allowed jisung to stay the night alone- only under a cared for supervision however.

there you were, walking down the lobby with three folders and an empty stomach. you weren’t able to leave because of the crowd outside and it was tiring trying to push them out of the way to get inside your own workplace.

you knew there were these boys from some kpop band recording, but you didn’t realize how good looking they were until you saw two of them walking towards you, their eyes glowing as they saw your name tag.

“hey..” the blonde boy said, “y/n? one of my mates upstairs, his names jisung, he’s gonna pull an all nighter here again. do you think someone can stay with him?”

your eyes furrowed in confusion, what kind of guy would stay up to work on songs? none of the company’s original artists have done this before.

“hmm, no one usually stays this late” you watched as the elder looked at the other boy with jet black hair, both of them looking exhausted from the rough nights.

“is it okay if i stay?” you offered, a smile forming on both the boys faces as they nodded in agreement. “that would be awesome!! by the way, im chan and this is changbin. the boy upstairs is jisung” the boy introduced.

a few seconds passed before chan could eagerly take out his wallet and hand a hundred dollar bill.

“here, take this in case he gets hungry!! it’s for you two” the boy smiled before leaving you in awe at who could be waiting upstairs.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

you remained downstairs until the last person left, noticing that the elevators never budged and there was no sign of anyone in the building. it was only after awhile that you realized jisung was still here. curious of what kind of guy he would he’d be to work so late, you made your way to the elevator and minutes later at the front of their studio door.

*knock knock* “anyone in there?”

you heard the immediate bass of music stop inside the room before the door knob could click open. the boy took his swivel chair and returned back to his place in front of the mixing table. “you’re jisung right? your friends-”

“my friends asked you to watch me huh?” he turned his chair to face you, “no need, I am perfectly fine, y/n” he winked before you could hear a small grumble from what seemed to be jisung.

his face was priceless, his cheeks turning pink as he covered his jummy (j+tummy) with his hands in embarrassment.

“are you sure about that?” you said, a laugh quickly escaping your lips.

“okay, okay. in my defense i haven’t eaten anything since yesterday night”

“yesterday night? are you crazy? let’s order something to eat”

jisung turned his chair back to his laptop, “no worries y/n, I’ve got this”

you walked up to jisung, nudging his shoulder. “please” you pouted with a baby-like tone. “i’m really hungry, like im starving.”

after a few trials of begging, jisung finally complied making you two argue over a restaurant.

“come on! chinese or japanese jisung make up your mind!”

“but both of these looks so good” he was staring into the picture reviews of each restaurant with squirrel-like eyes in amazement.

“i swear to god…”

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

you went downstairs to grab the food, stuffing the noodles into your face in seconds. both you and jisung were starving and you couldn’t help but notice the way he stuffed his food in his cheeks. it was adorable, almost as if you could hear *nom nom* coming from his mouth in a pretty baby voice. it made your blood rush to your cheeks now painted rose red from all the blushing.

jisung quickly finished his dinner, turning back to the laptop as he brushed his hair through his fingers. “ok back to work!” he exclaimed.

“are you kidding me?” you said, now standing in between him and his desk. “youve been working for three days, can’t you just rest?” you protested

“y/n...” he whispered, taking your hand in his in a sarcastic matter. you weren’t caring for jisung, if anyone was in this situation you tell them they’re crazy. sleeping is much needed in your opinion. “im actually fine. chan hyung can do it, i can to”

“that’s great!” you exclaimed sarcastically, “but you’re in Los Angeles, LA for pete’s sake! isnt there anything you wanna do here?! youve been in this room since you finished your concert or whatever you’re here for” jisung looked at you with a sense of gratefulness in his eyes.

it was as if he’d never met someone so caring, someone that could read his inner thoughts. it was 5am, way past bed time and you had stayed here for him. eating dinner as late as you possibly could and napping on the uncomfortable couch with blankets that you brought with you.

“im sorry y/n” he shook his head in disappointment, “we just need one more song for our upcoming album and there’s so much going on in my head that i can’t even process it”

“maybe you just need a break.” you suggested, “you’re seriously suffering from tmt (too many thoughts aka an skz song for those who don’t know lmfao)”

“tnt?” he replied back as if he misheard, “yeah i must be seriously mindblown” jisung leaning back against his chair to hold himself back from laughing so hard

“are you serious? that was funny to you?” you replied, chuckling on your own as the boy failed to stop his laughter.

“im sorry im sorry i couldn’t help it. and to answer yes, theyre are some things i want to do in la”

you felt a sudden cling to heart. even knowing jisung for a few hours he already seemed to mean something to you and you’d do anything he asked.

“like...” you eyebrows rose in curiousity

“the sunrise. i really wanna see the sunrise”

“really?!” you jumped in excitement, running over to grab your blankets. “it’s 6:15 let’s go!! it’s close to time”

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

when jisung remained in his seat you grabbed his hand, dragging him to the company buildings rooftop. his hand still in yours, you laid out the blankets on the floor as he sat down next to you. “sorry, i only have one” you apologized as jisung shivered from the cold. you sat closer to him, wrapping the blanket around you two as you slowly put his hoodie on.

your heart beat ran as fast as a rocket, speeding as jisung rested his head on his shoulder. for the remaining minutes before the sun rose the two of you settled on some random discussion about music, realizing you two had the same taste.

“look, the suns rising” you whispered into jisungs ear.

jisung’s eyes could only glow in amazement. the sunrise was beautiful, just like the girl next to him he thought.

and the unfamiliar place jisung felt he didn’t belong in started to feel like home. even at night when all you could hear was the la traffic, all you could see was the hollywood sign, and all you could feel was the chilled wind- he found a home in you. his thoughts flew out the window like a paper airplane, in exchange they let in the bright warmth feeling of love in itself. when it was dark out, you were here for jisung, staring right into his eyes as he cleared his mind. you were the reason why his pupils didn’t dilate in the dark, the reason why he stayed warm in the cold, the reason why he grew during all the seasons— you were, his sunshine.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

bitches be writing soft imagines for jisung before finals week. that’s me. im bitches. i really am growing a soft spot for jisung. ty for writing a song i could relate to so much.

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gluupor · 5 years

Note

Hi! I absolutely love your writing

Andrew can smell him coming before he can hear him. His sense of smell is excellent—which he regrets greatly since both Neil and Kevin are on the footie team meaning their dorm reeks of sweaty boy—but even so there’s something distinctive about Neil’s scent. It’s not even his blood that Andrew can smell (and despite the fact that he needs to consume it to live, blood doesn’t even smell that good to him—like raw meat and pennies) just him. Neil smells alive in a way that most people don’t; alive and desperate to stay that way, despite (or maybe because of) the fact that he doesn’t think he’ll survive the year.

It’s not long before he can hear Neil, too. He’s shuffling his feet and clearing his throat, as if he’s trying not to startle Andrew into falling off the Ramparts. Andrew wants to scoff. As if Neil could sneak up on him. As if Andrew isn’t absurdly aware of his whereabouts at all times.

Neil comes to a stop several steps behind him; he’s close enough now that Andrew can hear the rush of blood through his veins, can practically feel his heartbeat. It’s both comforting and enticing, and Andrew wants, he wants—

Nothing. He wants nothing. He can have nothing. He’s known that for his entire life; he learned that lesson long before Drake decided he wanted to make his latest plaything into an undead monster like him.

Neil shifts from foot to foot, indecisive. Andrew half-turns toward him, planning to tell him to spit out whatever it is he wants to say. It’s probably another accusation of some kind. He’s convinced that Andrew wants to kill him for some reason. Possibly because Andrew has made one or two attempts to do so.

(Not serious attempts. He mostly just tried to scare him into telling the truth. The Roommates’ Anathema prevents Andrew from actually hurting Neil—much to his past annoyance. He couldn’t believe his bad luck when the Crucible placed the mysterious newcomer into his and Kevin’s room.)

“Andrew—” says Neil, before cutting himself off. His expression shifts from incredulous to irritated. “Are you smoking? For God’s sake, you’re flammable!”

“Everyone’s flammable,” mutters Andrew rebelliously, although he knows very well that vampires are more flammable than most. When Drake bit him it unlocked his magical powers for the first time. He pushed Drake off of him, and wordlessly cast a Tyger, tyger, burning bright (not that he’d known that’s what he was doing at the time). It had been like dry kindling going up in flames.

“Jesus Christ,” complains Neil, as he grasps the key that always hangs from his belt. It’s large and old and bronze, and it’s the only magical instrument that has ever worked in Neil’s hands.

Andrew gave it to him; it’s an old Hemmick family heirloom that Andrew had used until he’d found a magical silver knife in the catacombs when searching for rats to drain of blood. The key had never felt right in his own hands; his knife felt like it belonged there. When Neil had shown up at Watford without a family or a magical instrument of his own, there had been a long search where students offered him instruments they weren’t using, until he’d settled on Andrew’s key.

“Make a wish!” casts Neil, instantly extinguishing the cigarette, and filling the air with the scent of his magic—wintergreen and ozone.

Andrew turns away from him and flicks the now-soggy cigarette over the Ramparts. “You swear like a Normal.”

Neil appears at his side and leans against the stonework. “I am a Normal.”

“Sure you are,” replies Andrew, raising an eyebrow. Because so many Normals can control magic.

Neil made a big splash in the World of Mages when he was found living in the Normal world, with no known Magical family. Almost as big as Andrew did, although it was quickly discovered that Andrew actually belonged to the Hemmick family (one of the oldest and most powerful Magical families) but that his mother, the family fuck up, had given him up for adoption in the Normal world. Andrew was incensed—or he would have been, if he hadn’t learned to control his emotions by then—when he learned about how protective the World of Mages was over magical children. If only his mother had told her brother she was pregnant instead of hiding out in the Normal world, he and his twin Aaron would have been given magical homes.

Of course, they probably would have lived with their Uncle Luther, which, given his cousin Nicky’s stories, would have sucked. But it still would have been better than Normal foster care.

“Neil Josten is a Normal,” corrects Neil, giving Andrew a side eyed look.

“And before you were Neil Josten?” asks Andrew. He usually skirts the topic, pretending that he has no idea that Neil is lying about his identity as long as Neil continues to pretend he has no idea that Andrew is a vampire.

Neil smiles at him and doesn’t answer. Andrew’s chest throbs. He wants to kiss Neil, which isn’t surprising or new. He spends most of his time wanting to kiss Neil, wanting to bury his face against his neck to feel his pulse and his warmth and the rush of his blood, wanting to prove to himself that Neil is still alive.

He also wants to push Neil off the Ramparts for making him feel these things.

“Too bad you weren’t ten minutes earlier,” he says instead. “There was a confused ghost trying for a visiting.” The Veil is thin and these visitings have been going on for weeks. Andrew isn’t expecting anything—he has no family he cares about and he doubts that his ancestors would pick him to speak to in any case.

“Oh?” asks Neil lightly.

“A woman, looking for her son. Abram.”

Neil is practiced at lying so he controls his reaction tolerably well; Andrew doesn’t think that anyone who hadn’t spent as long as he has observing Neil would even notice the way he tenses.

“It’s an unusual name,” continues Andrew, feeling like he’s pressing on a bruise. “I don’t think there’s anyone at Watford with it.”

“Not that I’ve heard,” replies Neil, his voice almost natural. “What… what did the ghost say?”

“Mostly she just moaned for her son and told me to stay away from him—I have no idea who she thought I was.”

“Uh huh.”

“And then she said that danger approaches and Abram must leave Watford.” Andrew watches as his words fall like a blow, confirming his suspicions.

He gives in to his desires and reaches out to touch Neil, gripping him by the back of his neck. “Good thing your name is Neil,” he says roughly. “You’re not going anywhere.”

#aftg #tfc #andreil #andrew minyard #neil josten #my fic #bits #asks #anon

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fluffyblue-multifandommess · 4 years

Text

incoming mega rant about a psychiatrist

i hate her she was so invalidating when i said im not interestedin having a boyfriend she said i was in denial i hate her she said social phobia isnt a pathology in and of itself what does that even mean what the fuck i hate her and she kept coming back to the boyfriend thing like she couldnt comprehend that a 20-something year old with SOCIAL FUCKING PHOBIA could have never dated anyone like bitch what the fuck??? and what "denial" BITCH i told her "there are people who are aromantic and ppl who are asexual" and that she should get herseld informed about those and she said something dismissevely like she knows about that and she's testing my frustration??? wtf?? and she's one of those "you could solve a lot of your problems by disconnecting from your computer" people who i hate because BITCH I HAVE SOCIAL ANXIETY REMEMBER AND ALSO I SPECIFICALLY TOLD YOU THAT THE INTERNET HAS SOCIAL RULES THAT I UNDERSTAND AS OPPOSED TO INTERACTING WITH PEOPLE OFFLINE but nah computer addiction is my real problem and i dont live in reality FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. i didnt go into how much emotional support and queer validation i get from online because i just didnt think i would get anything good out of it like she would just say some more invalidating and aphobic bullshit and possibly some biphobic bullshit too and i wasnt gonna give her that chance fuck her i hate her and i hate that she's the one who's gonna be making recommendations to the disability support org about what to do with me i hate her

AND ALSO she asked what i talked about w/ my friends and i said various things and AGAIN she came back to the boys thing all "what about boy talk" and i was like "nah what for" and she seemed almost like shocked like she couldn't fathom that girls might have more interesting things to talk about than freaking boys like jesus fucking christ lady it's 2020 get with the fucking times

ALSO ALSO she kept saying it's surprising that i have self confidence issues when im so intelligent like first of all i only had tvat IQ test like 7 months ago like a bitch is gonna need more time than that to stop doubting her intelligence BUT ALSO bitch??? i have just toldyou about many failures ive experienced and youre all "hm yea its so surprising how you could doubt yourself so much whem youre so intelligent" LIKE THERE IS MORE TO A PERSONS SENSE OF WORTH THAN THEIR FUCKING INTELLIGENCE AND ALSO IMPOSTER SYNDROME IS A THING YOUVE CLEARLY NEVER HEARD OF DESPITE SUPPOSEDLY BEING A PSYCHIATRIST AND ALSO EVERY "this is my experience as a gifted kid who's now an adult" TYPE POST IVE READ, THE OP TALKED ABOUT OR MENTIONED OR ALLUDED TO HAVING LOTS OF SELF DOUBT SO PRESUMABLY IT'S A COMMON SYMPTOM AND YOU A PSYCHIATRIST DONT SEEM TO KNOW ABOUT IT WHATS WRONG WITH YOU HAVE YOU READ A SINGLE PSYCH JOURNAL OR STUDY SINCE YOU GRADUATED 200 YEARS AGO

ALSO at some point when we were on the subject of how i feel like i failure because i didnt make it to university despite all my intelligence, she was talking about how there’s plenty of things i could do with my life and the FIRST example she mentioned is, she said “you could get married and have kids” LIKE BITCH WHAT?? FUCKING WHAT??? like sure if some women want to make that their life goal good for them what the fuck ever but reaLLY?? that’s the FIRST thing you mention??? would you have said that to a man??? somehow i highly fucking doubt it like for fuck’s sake please stop projecting all your internalised misogyny and gender roles bullshit onto me FOR FUCK’S SAKE YOU’RE A FUCKING PSYCHIATRIST

#aphobia #rant post #vent post #blue personal ramblings #heteronormativity #long post #i hope the readmore works lol #blue's Horrible Shrink Experience

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parkersvibes · 5 years

Text

finding out peter is spiderman

read part one here

a/n: omg guys. i got so much feedback from you all on part one so i decided to make a part 2. and yeahh i really hope you guys enjoy. if you do lmk and i’ll do a part 3 (:

(i also apologize if the read more doesnt work )))): )

warnings: fluff, a smidge on angst

pt 2. peter parker x stark!reader

• figuring out he was spiderman

• alright you’re a stark

• but no one knows that

• but you’re really intuitive

• so there were little things you started to notice

• after uncle ben died there was some weird shit (if you want a part ab comforting peter ab uncle ben lemme know. he deserves his own part)

• like how he stopped wearing his adorable glasses

•and i guess started almost bulking up????

• he got WAY taller

• and usually you’re used to seeing him shirtless but this one time you walked in on him

• holy mother of god

• IT WAS LIKE HE GREW ABS OVER NIGHT

• BECAUSE FRESHMAN PETE DID NOT HAVE A 6 PACK

• freshman peter also got winded walking up the stairs

• AND NOW HE’S RUNNING LAPS IN GYM LIKE ITS NOTHING ??

• must be nice

• but then things got more sus

• all of a sudden he was skipping class more

• leaving early

• cancelling study sessions and skipping movie nights with ned

• and you and ned were clueless

• you and ned started hanging out more

• MR. LEEDS IS HILARIOUS LEMME TELL YOU

• he was like this little ball of happiness

• you found out his real name is Edward

• HOW CUTE

• and WOW HIS MOM BEING FILIPINA MEANT THAT YOU WERE BEING FED ALL THE TIME OH MY GOD

• ngl pete got a bit jealous

• one night,,, when pete cancelled YET AGAIN

• ned asked you, “hey y/n?”

• “hm”

• “why don’t we ever hang out at your place”

• “i told you ned, my family is just a lot yanno. plus your family and may are really cool”

• “okay but how come you don’t have any social media under your name?”

• “wdym?”

• “like you go by ‘y/n Smith’ but everything that pops up on the internet isn’t YOU”

• “pfff i told you,,, i dont believe in that stuff”

• “y/n, you know you can tell me anything”

• you wanted to be honest. this was one of your best friends. and you’ve been lying to them about your family for over a year now

• “ned i just. it’s complicated”

• “like peter’s family?”

• “nonono, i’m lucky to have both of my parents- well i have a step mom. my real mom wanted nothing to do with me. so she left me on the steps of my dads house. never came back”

• “oh shit bro, i’m sorry”

• “nah don’t worry. my dad is really cool and my step mom... she’s awesome.”

• “what’re their names”

• NATASHA WAS GONNA KILL YOU IF SHE COULD SEE HOW BAD YOU WERE STRUGGLING

• “well- uh- my step moms name is,,, um. well her real name is Virginia”

• THE WORLD KNEW PEPPER AS PEPPER NOT VIRGINIA

• “and my- my dads name is ehm... st, steve???”

• natasha was gonna have your ass

• “y/n,,,”

• “yeah”

• “you’re a horrible liar”

• “PFFF WHAAAT? NO IDEA WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT”

• “dude you left your spiderman fan tumblr open on my laptop that one night,,, and i MAY have done some snooping”

• okay you mightve had a slight obsession with the webslinger. HE WAS COOL. and what better way to keep track of him without alerting your family,,, good ol tumblr

• oh god ned, HOW MUCH SNOOPING”

• “enough to know that you have a weird obsession with that spider guy and that your last name isnt smith”

• so you told him the truth. you were a stark

• and well,,, he reacted with

• “okay cmon,,, don’t lie”

• so you showed him your late night dance parties with Nat when she was feeling goofy

• and your random snaps of steve when he was trying to figure out how to work technology

• videos of you reacting to vines with bucky

(if yall wanna see domestic life with the avengers just lmk)

• which usually results with THE WINTER SOLDIER ALMOST PEEING HIS PANTS. and trying to reenact it with sam or the other avengers

• “heyheyehy y/n guess what?”

• “what bucky?” *is in the middle of doing hw*

• “FRESHOVACADO” *bolts out of the room before you throw something at him*

• only the two of you getting vine and meme references

• (meaning getting in trouble during meetings bc you’ll make eye contact and start laughing)

• OH HIS FAVORITE IS THE “country boiiii, i love you,,, 😛”

• anywaayyy

• ned was SHOOK

• “nowayohmygodyoureanavenger”

• “no ned,,, only when they need me to be”

• *led to him asking 100000 questions*

• “does Mr. America smell like old man”

• “what language does Ms. Widow think in”

• “how many shirts does Mr. Hulk own”

• “so do they wear normal clothes or are they always PREPARED”

• “does your dad have to walk a weird way when hes in his suit”

• “do they ever chafe in their suits”

• “yes ned. we’re stocked up on baby powder”

• which you didnt mind bc it felt nice telling the truth

• ned WANTED TO TELL PETER SO BAD

• “ned no, i don’t want him to think of me differently”

• he understood. but still defended peter and said that hed still treat you the same

• anyway,,, peter started showing up with bruises and stuff which had you v concerned

• “pete what’s up? you’ve been avoiding ned and i and you have skipped out on every movie night since sophomore year started”

• “t’s nothing. dont worry ab it”

• “peter cmon, it’s just me”

• you figured maybe it had to do with ben??? but you gave him his space. you just wanted to be there for him yanno. you didnt want him to shut you out

• “Y/N I SAID ITS NOTHING. FOR FUCKS SAKE CAN YOU LEAVE ME ALONE???” he snapped (and not in the good way)

• and this was on your way to class so the whole hallway heard

• ouch

• so you left him alone. probably more than he meant. but it hurt

• i mean he was your first friend here, and now he yelled at you to leave you alone

• ned felt awful at first. trying to comfort you and tell you it wasnt your fault

• but then he started acting weird. whenever you brought up peter hed be super antsy about it

• you- “i think he got into another fight or something”

• ned- “pFFT PETER? FIGHTING? no way,,, i got-i gotta go”

• so you figured that whatever peter was hiding, ned knew about,, which also hurt your feelings

• so you closed off

• and wow could the super family tell something was wrong

• wanda- “little stark, i can feel your sadness all the way to my room”

• sam/bucky/rhodes- “okay what’s the deal, we’ve played 5 rounds of fortnite and you havent once rage quit even though you’re doing terrible”

• tony- “kid, what’s wrong? everyone here can tell you’re not feeling great”

• nat- “cmon. ive given you 3 opportunities to kick my ass and you havent once complained about me going easy?”

• thor- “lady y/n what is causing you distress? not once have you smiled, i even wore my hair in pigtails,,, and that seems to always do the trick”

• and you gave the same response every time “‘m just tired” “lots of homework”

• they noticed you werent going out on weekends anymore

• so tony figured that your friend group and you were having some Stuff

• pep gave him an idea of meeting his new prodigy

• now tony knew it’d be kinda sus because peter went to midtown but he figured that if the kid kept his mask on it’d be fine

• “dad i don’t wanna see another one of your weird maid robots”

• “wha- no i want you to meet someone”

• “dad college isn’t for another 2 years. if it’s your friend from MIT-“

• then right before your eyes was the insect boy that youve been admiring through the internet

• needless to say

• your jaw dripped

• “y/n meet spiderling, spiderling meet my daughter y/n stark”

• *seconds pass*

• “i uh- oH- um- sp-spidERman, h-hi. biG fan of you- your work”

• *silence*

• you- “oH dad diD you hear th-that? moM is calling mE”

• tony- “what?? pep wouldve called on the interco-“

• spiderman- “y/n”

• you- SHOOK TO THE CORE BECAUSE YOU KNEW THAT VOICE. THAT WAS THE VOICE THAT SOUNDED LIKE HONEY BUT COULD CUT YOU DEEPER THAN ANY WEAPON IN YOUR HOUSE

• you- “p-peter???”

• tony- *shocked pikachu face* “you know each other???”

• you- “so-something like that yeah”

• peter takes off his mask

• “ohmygodpeterisspiderman”

• “ohmygodyourlastnameisntsmith”

• tony- “im gonna let you guys figure this out” *walks backward slowly*

*insert silence*

• you- “so this is what you were hiding, huh?” with a cold tone

• “IM HIDING? YOU LIED ABOUT YOUR WHOLE HOME LIFE TO NED AND I”

• *yelling at each other for another minute. even though you couldnt hear what the other is saying*

• you- *yelling loudest “I DIDNT WANT YOU TO SEE ME DIFFERENTLY OKAY”

• peter- “you really thought id do that?” (heartbreaking voice)

• you- “i- once i got to know you, i knew you wouldnt but i was scared. i didn’t know how to tell you. for once in my life i had found someone my age who liked ME for ME. not for my name or money or my dad. and i didn’t want to change that. i’m sorry i didn’t tell you sooner”

• peter- “... i get what you mean. after ben died everyone gave me that look. except you and ned.”

• you- “why didn’t you tell me”

• peter- “everyone i love or ever cared about dies. my parents and then my uncle ben. so once i got my abilities i knew that the risk was even higher and i didn’t want to put you in that position. i wanted to keep you safe. but it seems like you know how to handle yourself” (referring to the fact that you grew up with THE EARTHS MIGHTIEST HEROS)

• y/n- “so how come ned found out?”

• peter *scratches back of neck* “well- he- i- May let him in my room and i happen to be crawling on the ceiling in my suit and he dropped the death star” *head hangs in shame*

• you had to giggle at that i mean CMON

• you stepped closer to him

• “pete you’re my best friend. you can tell me anything okay?”

• “no more secrets?”

• “no more secrets”

• and you both pinky promise and your thumbs “kiss” bc IF THEY ITS THE ULTIMATE UNBREAKABLE VOW DONT @ ME

• peter parker gives you the biggest hug that maKES YOUR HEART JUMP BC PHYSICAL CONTACT WITH A PERSON AS PRETTY AS HIM MAKES YOUR HEART FEEL A CERTAIN WAY

• but you wrapped your arms around his neck and enjoyed the moment

• wow he is really cozy

• * the avengers are watching from the cameras in awe*

• led to MANY questions at dinner

• and so everything went back to “normal”

• it wasn’t until you went to bed that night that you realized peter said the L word

• WHAT

• so much for no secrets

taglist: @silver-winter-wolf @emmmmszy @everythingaboutnothingsstuff @rexorangecouny @wishiwasanavenger @marjoherbo @nologinisoksothatsit @mindset-jupiter @hpnjrph @soup238

some favs/mutrals: @h-osterfield @starksparker @stuckonspidey @sunshinehollandd @keepingupwiththeparkers @hey-marlie @spyder-bites

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nobody-knose--archive · 4 years

Text

hmm i think i will watch the dinosaurchestra commentary today. contrary to my damn skippy commentary liveblog this one will be all in one post for the sake of my followers. i also probably wont listen to/watch the whole thing tonight cause it’s getting late and i have things to do tomorrow & tonight. anyways:

-by god i wish this was another audio commentary. even having it be split audio would be preferable to this, who wants to have to sit and watch the video of an entire album’s worth of songs. sure some commentary is better than nothing but this is partially why i never got through watching this all the way the first time.

-who are these other people to have invented the word dinosaurchestra? presumably neil learned this when making it the title of his album but when will i learn it? now? now.

-alright so it’s a new orleans traditional jazz band, with the a capitalized for some reason. cool.

-neil you say this is your first cannibalism reference but i cannot for the life of me think of another. this came out before vm, iabc, nt, and sp and i don’t know of a single instannce of child cannibalism in any of those albums. there’s other cannibalism but not child cannibalism. guess we know what type of music we have to look forward to from lemon demon

-damn ive never noticed the backwards loop was part of a later track. is it fine? this hyper world? deep in the ocean? the too much song? eyewishes? your imaginary friend? i have no idea at this point im just listing all the songs from this album i know off the top of my head.

-ah yeah this junk drawer comment is like the only thing i remember from my first look at the commentary. the video i’m watching this on or maybe the commentary itself messes up a bit and plays the “shave and a haircut” line too early, before it plays in the song itself.

-god the game Bad Dudes. a game he hasnt even played. i’m just going to take this as a sign i’m going to get a fujckton more ridiculous references in this commentary track again. it was hard enough in audio form but at least this time i’ll be able to know exactly what neil is referring to each time.

-the year was 2006, and the concept of “micheal bay puts a lot of explosions in his movies” was a lot more novel and relevant and funny than it is today. i still remember that meme but honestly i wouldnt be surprised if some of the ld fans today dont know anything notable about that guy.

-on god what is a tofu maraca neil you terrible enigmatic wonderful bastard.

-youve really never used the word spiffy before? i could swear ive heard it used in another ld song but maybe it came out later.

-so neil’s using the synth for this piano bit? i thought he had an actual out of tune piano, the one he used in word disassociation. i think this because i heard it played briefly on the audio damn skippy commentary track. what happened

-oh shit ive never noticed the sizzling wick before. how many times will i notice something for the first time in this i wonder.

-neil’s mentioned using this stitching technique for solos multiple times, and i remember it specifically because along with the guitar solo here and one or two in damn skippy (boy how many times will i reference it and it’s commentary track in this) it was used for the recorder solo in i earn my life, with neil saying something funny and anecdotal that i dont fully remember right now. he said he’d record like two notes and then stop and record some more which made for an interesting visual, i think.

-i recognize the name van halen but not the other guy. add it to the ever-growing list of terrible references neil makes in his commentary tracks.

-that’s kinda morbid neil. i knew you were fucikd up but not like this neil. not like this.

-fine and this hyper world are the atomic copper claw and ive got some falling to do of dinosaurchestra, respectively. this is because i’m always surprised by how early fine comes in and how late this hyper world comes in, to the point that ive forgotten that it’s there by being suitably unfocused on the order of songs by then.

-”half cheery optimism, half ironic denial” actually it’s about if nagito komaeda and makoto naegi combined to make one massive lucky disaster of a human being

-i’m not going to tag those two but if you know who they are you know what i’m talking about. just think about it.

-what is one quarter gonzo supposed to mean. isnt that a gotdam muppet. neil please neil please neil please neil please

-listen neil i dont know what most of those categories mean together but individually this song does not feel hip, surfy, or new wave and i’m especially qualified to talk about that last one because my parents play that music all the time and i know what it sounds like. the accordion is a big part of it that’s true.

-hm yeah those hi-hats are really the only percussion in this song arent they

-subliminal solar eclipse imagery? i mean i just saw it as two opposing forces/sides coming together in harmony but yeah that sounds cool too. maybe it can be both.

-well you havent ruined the mystique of anything yet neil. ive heard some stories about the anti-symbolic meaning of your later songs so let me just say, youre on thin ice buddy.

-neil uses the phrase “hifalutin’ hi-hat hijinks” and my soul ascends to purgatory where it will plot for the rest of its life how to join him in heaven above. maybe some crayons will help.

-oh hey big shoutout to Rotten Legacy in the comments for transcribing everything. that’s just fantastic for those who don’t want to spend an entire hour trying to go through this.

-you sound like quite the clown talking about this part- oh my god neil im so sorry i didnt mean it its okay it’ll be f- oh god no i didnt mean it please

-it’s not really full circle when those two parts occur at different parts of the song but ok neil

-”i think it ends pretty soon” man neil you still dont know your own songs huh. i’d say some things never change but it’s been like a year since ds so that doesnt really mean much here.

-ah yes lawnmower aka the song where neil’s brain stops working and he goes a lil insane

-just a bit. i mean this anecdote, did it really happen? how would we know

-the requirement for when neil goes insane is that you must reciprocate in kind. thankfully i’m in a near enough state of mind as is. i mowed the lawn today, but not the today that this is probably being posted as. hyakugojyuuichi sunday, amirite? not now, but now, given the nature of time as an infinite past present and future. why can’t future start with at p too? it’d make it a lot more cool and poetic. what a shame. puture.

-why would you think lawnmowers are cool? like they do what theyre meant to do. what their name says they do. how is that “cool”. there are many words you could use to describe it but not that one.

-which president? like i’m not such a neil fan as to know his lineage so which president would be in office when his great-great-grandfather couldve plotted to assassinate him with a “lawnmower” is unknown to me. i mean he couldve just murdered the president instead, probably much easier than assassination. easier to type too my hands are not doin well tonight. ive forgotten everything ive learned over the past ~5 months of dvorak practice.

-yeah ive never mentioned i use a dvorak keyboard did i. i’m more comfortable with it than qwerty now, but i could switch at any time because it’s a digital thing with my laptop and not an actual physical keyboard. thatd be expensive. anyway neil’s grandfather just did identity theft, rad

-makes sense that a solution for such a sweet purpose such as that would need a sweet ingredient. i think i’ll sign off for the night real soon. it’s more than obvious enough now that i’m out of my head as i type all this.

-is canada where french toast comes from? there are a lot of french people there. i’d never asked.

-neil im pretty sure if you try to tickle a lawnmower’s tummy you will be the one going to sleep as their tummies are comprised of blades. like even tickling a still blade wont have you in a very good state now will it.

-and with that bonus fact we reach the last fact of the song. that was like, 5 separate facts? wow that must be a new record for highest number of neil cicierega facts in one song. congratulations. of course i have yet to listen to the spirit phone commentary (yall can look forward to that someday) so perhaps that record can one day be surpassed. also i just checked and i cant believe i guess the correct amount of facts on the first try. loolin’s luck strikes again.

-officially signing off now. coincidentally, possibly, with the end of lawnmower. good night good day good evening good life good death good fuck.

-alright im back approximately 14 hours later. time for stuck which is a song ive recently made an oc for but havent put in the masterpost. maybe ill talk about them rn

-fucking fantastic commentary there neil never couldve figured any of this out for myself. thank you so much i do in fact see what you are talking about

-that’s whistling? i just thought it was some evil and messed up recorder or something.

-is this like, the only alum with mentions of neil’s name? oh wait he’s answering that question for me hold on. yeah this is the only album in which neil himself is referred to by name by himself

-god i didnt know neil was dedicated enough to his work to record this early in the morning like that. sounds horrible. i just thought he made his voice sound like that on purpose. i wouldnt know personally what a stoner so i just assumed he was trying to sound depressed, as the lyrics would imply.

-how is a melody supposed to fake one out anyways? anyways about that oc i mentioned. as neil says theyre named Carlos Betty w/ no last name. their whole deal in the world of my ocs is that theyre painfully and depressingly aware of their existence as a character from a song that i fleshed out somewhat. he breaks the 4th wall and looks out beyond the horrors it contained and just dies inside. he’d prefer he didnt exist and that i didnt keep writing his character, giving him backstory and interactions with the others and whatnot. it’s all rather depressing.

-and no, too bad for him, i dont ever skip this track. it sounds nice enough for me to listen to it and i like the experience of going through the whole album with no stops, deviations, or interruptions.

-he’s like 5′7 with long wavy brown/auburn hair (maybe dyed) and likes wearing sundresses and gardening. that’s just backstory anyways, it’s not like he’s ever seen doing it outside of cameos in the background of a scene. the same can be said of their wife and kids. that’s just how it be.

-i like the subte organ in the back here. can hardly tell what stops it uses because it’s just a midi, so probably just some crescendo pedal type thing.

-oh no. neil’s saying oh no again. he fucked up big time.

-how many times are we going to hear from neil’s junk drawer? i’m pretty sure it precedes this hyper world as well. and what’s in it anyways, like what do you need to make those sorts of rather uncommon metal clinking sounds.

-”‘hit’ song” singular neil? dont pretend you havent released popular bop after popular bop. just look at all the animations youve got on albinoblacksheep. did you know Fiberglass Monkey of all songs has a flash animated music video? yeah neither did i until i lil while ago.

-oh yeah it’s the same guy who did the Ebaum’s World Dot Com video and i think one or two other ld videos. what a coincidence that i spoke about that song so recently and now here it is.

-right i’m not just going to repeat all the trivia neil says verbatim, if you want that you can watch the commentary easily enough yourself, though on youtube, like me, and not on whatever outdated app i believe it’s meant to run on.

-only 6 million views? i’m pretty sure it’s in the tens of millions now, on youtube at least. it’s probably accumulated more on newgrounds too but i wouldnt know. never went on that website, and i’m pretty sure the animation is about as old as i am.

-why is neil apologizing for using ^_^? it’s a good emoticon. was that cringe back then or something? since when has neil cared about that sort of thing? i guess life was just different back in 2006.

-god i’d really like to see this reanimated someday. a reanimated collab for the ultimate showdown of ultimate destiny sounds awesome, even if some of the scenes would be hard to coordinate. it’d still lend itself to a lot of creativity, doing things differently or similarly to the original animation, putting whatever characters you like for the chorus, and of course updating it to the pop culture climate of 2020. if anyone knows how to host one of those things they should get on it im surprised noone’s thought of this before.

-here’s something else to add to the list of neil’s supernatural powers.

-is neil saying chuck norris jokes fell out of style by 2006? seriously? i was seeing them unironically all the time on i can haz cheezburger in like, 2012. but maybe i can haz cheezburger was just out of touch (shame this aint being done on a thursday) seeing as i dont remember it ever changing the types of memes it produced well into like 2015. yes i browsed it as a wee child i couldnt very well go looking through forums on my own when my family had 1 computer between the whole of us and there was no privacy in using it whatsoever.

-actually maybe this song single-handedly revived chuck norris jokes as an art form. he’s probably powerful enough to do it.

-the blue meanie from yellow submarine and not the wrestler. im pretty sure even if the animation didnt have the right one i would still know which one youre talking about because ive never heard of that wrestler in my life. add it to the incomprehensible neil reference pile

-yeah i think Lo Pan was the one and only guy i didnt recognize in that whole arsenal so i actually appreciate the clarification here. still adding it to the inrp along with the majority of the commentary for this song

-foreign people wont know who mr. rogers is? i think theyre a whole lot more likely to not know who literally anyone else is than mr. rogers. i mean i think he’s gained some popularity post-mortem but he’s really well known in my opinion.

-so neil’s not going to confirm the canonicity of mr. rogers’ death, like a coward.

-honestly i never payed enough attention to notice but yeah you do kinda talk throughout this entire song dontcha neil.

-the violin is supposed to be a form of communication? the best form of nonverbal communication? and not like interpretive dance or calligraphy or fucking sign language? oh god neil youre just. not incomprehensible sometimes just a little confusing.

-ok granted ive never read the lyrics to this song but he really says mentalese? i thought he was just saying mentally in a weird way. god how can you just make that a lyric in a song when i would have no gotdamn clue what that is without reading this. once again not quite incomprehensible but confusing.

-same neil. ive tried being completely and utterly silent, taking as close to a literal vow of silence as possible, and all it resulted in was a lack of friends and benig stuck inside my own head all the time. developed a bad ego too. wouldnt reccomend.

-who’s edgar bergen? add it to the inrp

-goddam it neil this is what you get for making 20 billion bonus tracks onto what’s already your longest album. not even spirit phone is as loud as this, or hip to the javabean with it’s 9+ minute ending song. audio commentary would it make it so much easier to make this liveblog because i wouldnt have to cut back to the video every 5 seconds and make a 4 minute song take 10, 15 minutes to get through. this is why it’ll take like 2 hours to get through the rest of this.

-i thought you said you werent good at whistling? you sound pretty good here ngl. like it’s not easy to whistle well, especially well enough for an actual song

-teller and silent bob are going on the inrp. ive never heard of either of those guys or their shows, and while i have heard of harpo marx i still havent seen anything of him or knew he didnt speak so he’s going in the pile too. AND WHO IN GODS NAME IS CHICO AND WHY DO THEY NOT HAVE KNEES. THATS THE NAME OF ONE OF MY OCS GODDAM IT.

-sorry about that sometimes im instilled with a righteous fury at the sheer quantity of incomprehensible neil references found within these commentarys. like i love them but by god i am just a little bit scared of whatever the spirit phone one will hold. at least view monster’s is/wouldve been alright.

-like genuinely? you dont remember the creation of neverending hum? ok. also ive heard from most people with tinnitus that its more of a neverending ringing than a hum. also yes, the slight low-pitched hum that can be heard “now” is edited in. ive said this before somewhere and i’ll say it again. youre not going crazy.

-m. monkey screams? honestly at this point i cant be bothered to say anything more that’s just neil in action. fucks sake.

-the beauty of pointlessness

-ive heard of devo from jjba and that one mashup neil made but not polysics, so it gets to go in the inrp.

-damn shoutout to neil jerma and all those other lads that hail from the self-aware chowder state. unrelated note my wrists are starting to hurt from how i rest them on my laptop when i type. might take a brief break. not from typing from the video altogether i’m incapable of holding in my thoughts on something when i’m in the mood for it.

-my critter is named diamond and it’s a bone china toad that gazes imperiously and occasionally looks like a candy salesperson.

-yknow id make a point about how often neil makes up completely fake shit in these commentaries but then i remembered he does that all the time on like all 3 of his blogs. did you know he ran windows95tips?

-yeah while i adore the lyrics of this segment it also serves as a very good reminder of the presence of drums here. theyve got a weird bitcrushed sound to them that works pretty well with the song and i’dve loved to see it in a deporitaz song. oh well.

-i imagine neil just did a quick hum and while he was humming he spontaneously remembered his guitar and just immediately strapped it on and started jamming. fun. then he scatted some more

-yeah i find myself in situations where i can only attribute my success to the workings of my subconscious so i relate to not wanting to know exactly how it works because i think if i ever figure out what goes on inside my head ill never be able to live a happy life. cant think of any specific examples of this type of thing but it just happens like more than once a day on average.

-just got back from a quick snack break, had some dump cake my brother(s) made yesterday. honestly a really good and easy treat, very rich which is what you expect from literally concentrated chocolate cake, even though i’m not the biggest fan of the maraschino cherries and pineapple. if you want go ahead and ask me for the recipe and i’ll see if i can get it to you, it’s honestly very simple.

-tick-tock, heart-beat, di-no-saur-che-stra. it’s really easy to forget how short this one is, the first part was a moderate length and the first song of the album, and the final part is really long.

-that weird piano-sounding thin in the background is a harpsichord? doesnt sound like any harpsichord ive ever heard before. you do you neil.

-alright, Stephin Merritt is going in the inrp too. join the party

-simply fantastic commentary- and we’re back in the junk drawer for what, the 3rd time now? i want to keep track.

-...i think i remember that transition into your imaginary friend sounding different in the track itself. the wooden sticks definitely were off here. wonder what’s up with that.

-ayy! Alora cameo! sick. and neil plays the bass himself.

-and oh boy here’s one of those lines about a lack of symbolism that i’m sure upset many people when hearing it for the first time. i cant deny i think there’s some meaning to this song, ive got a brain-amv with a plot and everything. then again, to say that the words just “complement the mood” when the mood is clearly that of a sort of childhood nostalgia deal means there’s bound to be consistency in the meaning of the words. don’t know about it being a love song though. that just sounds wrong.

-the fucking what from the movie what. god this is why i’m jokingly infuriated by these references, they smack a completely foreign meaning onto a song i otherwise thought i could understand. i guess the immortal old people from the movie being john malkovich are going in the inrp now.

-well i guess some things will forever remain a mystery about this song which isnt a problem when i never thought they were mysterious in the first place, neil

-the thing about imaginary friends is that i never got the concept of them when i was younger. in the media all the parents thought their kids had them when the kids were really going on fantastical adventures so if i, young and autistic, imagined myself and like my friends or dogs going on epic adventures too, did that mean i had imaginary friends or was just imagining things in general. i knew nobody who had an imaginary friend, or at the very least they never spoke about it, and i just generally devoted very little of my time to the idea when i could be pretending my dogs were superheroes or something.

-god who does neil think he is, calvin from calvin and hobbes? oh wait he’s saying he actually did all the stuff mentioned in dinosaurchestra, the songs and album. cool cool

-this isnt the first time youve mentioned how you keep lil bits and pieces of songs in your head for a long time before using them in actual songs. although it might actually be the first time because i could just be thinking of you speaking about this on your blog.

-trust me with how frequently you use accordion nobody really misses it. little bits and pieces of Cap’n Crunch scattered throughout the album is plenty im sure.

-i really love this vocal break right here. shame it’s so short.

-did he ever reaplly the backwards guitar thing somewhere else? because i could swear ive heard it in another song before. seems like something he’d do. i mean he’s yet to do a bagpipe solo so who knows (nobody knows)

-If You Give A Scotsman Acid

-neil dropping some hot takes on satan and wishing techniques over here. you sound awfully defensive about the satan thing actually is there a story there. oh nevermind ive never heard of Yani point canceled, you’re going in the inrp.

-and here comes archaeopteryx and the midway point of the album. i believe him about the bird segue but it also makes a great thematic segue because both songs are rather nonsensical but in different ways. i’ll elaborate in a dinosaurchestra theme post if i ever make one, this one is long enough already

-i thought it was a bit weird how you had both dinosaurchestra and archaeopteryx as songs about going back in time to deal with dinosaurs (or dinosaur-adjacents), but they could be thematic parallels or something. like he said, this one’s about jealousy and murder vs playing in a fun band and then dying (aka growing up ik i said id save the themes for later i just had to say this)

-yeah that is a bit of a doorbell melody aint it. id never think of describing it that way but it’s really accurate honestly. nice

-oh boy is the rhyming of fossils and apostles an amazing move. this whole song has some really nice writing in individual pieces even if the whole thing means barely anything at all.

-are you kidding me? “i can’t get no aviation” is a classic rock reference? i deserve a hug for all im being put through with this, another one for the inrp. a shame, devastation and aviation are another great rhyme.

-the interesting thing about this song meaning is that everything but the chorus supports it. what on earth is a “featherhead metropolis”, and why the “liar liar wings on fire” anyways. also yeah the archaeopteryx may have been the most well known ancient “bird” then but imagine that guy going back in time to see that like most velociraptor-type dinosaurs have feathers. would that be fkct up or what.

-i wikipeia too much when i write period neil, you aint special. particularly my lemon demon ocs. wow

-we have no idea what the dinosaurs sound like, a meow is perfectly appropriate. exactly

-god neil’s singing seriously improved with time. listen to when he died or reaganomics or really cool wig or everybody loves raymond or even christmas will be soon and it’s obvious how much better his voice has become (if by voice i mean. ass)

-same neil. just look at all this shit ive written. most of the time i dont even know what im going to say before my fingers hit the keys and all this just comes right out. i dont filter a single gotdam thing. and it’s great. i hope

-my wrists are genuinely starting to hurt so uuuuh. poetry

-i’m back! i appreciate this lil line-by-line explanation of these lyrics when they honestly make very little sense on their own. like yeah i can get this guy hates the archaeopteryx and birds and wants to make sure they never evolve but what on earth are bird tricks.

-i like the mellow outro to this song. nice lil bit of humming. shame i cant do that irl or my brother will come into my room and kill me but oh well. hang on

-hey neil your joke is bad and you should feel bad. anyways

-yeah the melodies in this song are so pleasant, give off a lovely vibe, like youre calm but also wishing to do harm against someone some day. dinosaurchestra isnt my favorite album but i sure cant say this song is bad at all. very nearly a highlight of the album but unfortunately the next 2 songs greatly overshadow it.

-your commentary is getting bad for the same reason mine will get bad near the end of this. ending thoughts are always the hardest to get across because there arent any left. youve said all you need to say why must something more be said to provide closure. just for this i wont do any sort of ending line to this post.

-oh nice ive wondered how that sound was made for a while. it’s really pretty honestly i love hearing it every time and this song in general kicks ass.

-5/4 time! hell yeah, what’s a lemon demon album without an unusual time signature. i think the answer is spirit phone/view-monster, but that’s not too important (and if we’re counting bonus tracks isnt true, creepy is an enigma)

-wait this song features- hang on i need to look some stuff up. yeah that’s accurate. this is disco rock? cool didnt ever think of that before but i guess now i know what disco sounds like.

-you’re required to catch the eyelash as it falls to make a wish. i dont make the rules.

-imagine being so starved for wishes you cant just like give some money to a hobo on the street (this is a “the magic of generosity” reference in case it wasnt clear)

-this still sounds nothing like any harpsichord ive ever heard but maybe ive just been listening to harpsichordio too much. it’s a good track if a little short and if you havent heard it go listen to it right now. im actually not sure if it can be found on yt but try the ld wiki and it should be there

-this isnt unique to this song and ive said it before but i love how clearly neil sings his songs (unfortunately this doesnt apply to some of cc and lfthcs because of the weird voice filter teen neil used so much), i can easily catch all the lyrics to a song and memorize them. here watch

-im without a soulmate i noticed so are you what’s with that anyway copycat i hate you mirror mirror on the emotional wall im dancing like a fool but noone seems to care at all

-i swear i wasnt listening to the music as i typed that. oh and just because i recognize this beetles reference doesnt mean it’s exempt from the inrp.

-well, the guitar “chorus” is in 4/4 which is easy enough to dance to and i’m sure if you tried you could dance (like an idiot perhaps) to a 5/4 rhythm. it’s easier than 7/4 that’s for sure.

-more humming that i wish i could partake in but cant for fear of my life. i dont blame my brother for finding it a negative stim i just wish it didnt have to be my positive stim that does it to him. this humming is about as good as mine so you better not insult yourself like that neil. and i’m pretty bad at whistling purely due to lack of practice so maybe i should stop the comparisons here

good-bye

-if bystand were a word would the past tense be bystanded or bystood. i had a relatively intense arguement with my brothers about this a couple months ago (might have been last year even, this one’s been hard to keep track of) and in the end all the elder had to say was that it’s supposed to be stood by. which isnt what i was asking but i dont blame him for being annoyed at that point.

-oh that line about cycling by is in reference to bycicles, just like how every line is based on a certain numerical prefix. just caught that

-it’s pretty obvious this is a slowed down version of the eyewishes bassline but it’s cool nonetheless.

-that one extra beat right before the quin- verse always manages to catch me off guard. considering this song is in 5/4 again, that makes this specific measure in 6/4, though it feels more disconcerting than a measure of that length would otherwise do.

-Ripley? mr. believe-it-or-not? or some other guy? whatever, it’s going in the inrp

-shame we cant tell it’s the smoothest song transition because this upload (or maybe the commentary app in general) puts a lil stutter pause inbetween each track, which is especially annoying in the eyewishes-bystanding-indie cindy trifecta of smooth af transitions. they’re slick and we cant even hear it.

-oh it’s officially a one-girl band? i was considering doing that for my universe and now ive honestly forgotten whether i did that or let Amane also be part of it. doesnt matter honestly.

-”moe is we” is unironically a cool name for an lp. who wouldnt buy that, especially from none other than acrobat unstable records.

-a self-made musician with inconsisntent confidence, yep that’s them. making Cindy an oc was easy just because of how much characterization this song provides, especially when i listened to being a rockstar a few dozen times, thought of making an oc of it, and realized that indie cindy would make the perfect character.

-right sure, maybe only she listens to them at first, but i’m going to say they show it to their friends eventually because that’s more fun. Amane and Nakia listen to it and go hey, these sure are some lo-fi hip hop beats to relax and study to and Cindy briefly considers death. Nakia confirms it’s nothing like rock and so they live to see another day and then all is well in the world.

-i dont have a broken synth but i do have an absolutely terrible electric home organ. each keyboard is like 2 octaves smaller than it should be and some of the stops sound wrong at certain pitches at other stops arent volume balanced and others (there’s some overlap between all of these) have ineffective secondary tones that are quiet but only appear on certain notes so it sounds terrible when going up a scale. the pedals are unreasonably quiet most of the time and the two keyboards arent balanced correctly and most of the tremulants are bad and each stop sounds nothing like an actual organ and more like a bad synth. it’s literally impossible to use the solo/great keyboard for anything but the trebel clef because it lacks anything past an f3. there are exactly 2 4′ stops per keyboard and 1 of each of them is terrible and there isnt a single II or IV stop. it’s awful and it’s all ive got at home so it’s what i use to practice and i wouldnt dream of complaining out loud. the chime function is also literally dischordant.

-yo hold on neil would know a lot about the struggles of being a solo artist who does unconventional music because he is one. how has it taken me this long to realize this. gotdam am i thick. artistic differences? solo project breaks up? torn down studio? oh neil oh neil oh neil

-i should use the words cyclonic and displacement in my writing thank you for these good good words

-neil “basement dweller” cicierega

-i should take that back he’s married and has a child now

-harmonica? seriously? i could swear that’s a melodica. so long as you dont tell me the melodica in a mask of my own face isnt a harmonica too. it’s much harder to picture a person wearing a mask playing a harmonica than a melodica. yes i’m talking about my oc again. ive got the oc masterpost tagget with “masterpost hell yeah” if you need it. it’s not very good and there are a load of things i should redo and add to and clarify but it’s what ive got.

-gotdam he plays synth and guitar and keytar and bass once and now harmonica and a load of other things i cant remember? neil you musical genius why cant you pass on your skill to the rest of us huh. hogging all the talent. i love you

-back at it again with the real bass. is it Alora’s again?

-an rgb person, a living computer presence. yes this first verse is a tad enigmatic but i cant believe, once again, i missed the connection between rgb elecronic capabilities and “a living computer glitch”.

-neil only understanding what he wrote after the fact is a writing mood and a half. i only realize when ive done symbolism when im waist deep in it.

-im sorry since when have wizard of oz references been hard for you. youve not only starred in a decently well-known production based on the film but you wrote a whole-ass song about it too. both specifically about the scarecrow. what’s up with that

-even if it isnt a word used very often the rhyming of methinks with sphynx is one of the best things neil’s ever done and is the only reason this song pops into my head with the frequency it does

-i’m sure i could slow down footage of someone blinking but as im sure itd be something of a horrific experience i’m afraid i’ll have to pass. taking your word for it is easier than you think

-ah yes stereo panning, that’s the term. he uses it again in being a rockstar specifically for the word heroin and i think that might be why i adore that song so incredibly much. i dont have to say more because i already went ham over that song during my view-monster psuedo-liveblog from a few weeks ago. you’re welcome.

-is neil a gotdamn beetles fan? oh yeah these lyrics are honestly incredible but i wouldnt say it’s the best on the cd. especially since that includes the bonus tracks (everyday french, anyone?) but most certainly not the most violent, did you forget about ultimate showdown already?

-thank you for pointing out your own play on words. hey listen to that it’s the return of that voice modifier neil was in love with in his first 2 albums. never expected to hear a return of that.

-i get neither how self abyss is a pun on self abuse nor the nietzsche allusion. does this mean it goes twice into the inrp? eh why not.

-yknow by the time youve completely gouged out both your eyes i dont think filling them up with mercury will make that much of a difference in terms of pain. it will poison you so i guess that’s a boost in the long run.

-since when has neil had a “signature modulating square wave sound”. i dont know what that is and cant point out a single other song it appears in because of that.

-oh this last bit is an actual beetles reference, which officially makes neil a fan sorry i dont make the rules. get his ass and his monkeys into the inrp.

-the onion was a thing all the way back in 2006? somehow i’m not surprised. i am surprised that neil somehow doesnt own a suitcase. does he never travel? i know he’s hosted a lemonic demonade at some point by now, and he mustve gotten one in time for youmacon and the like later on.

-that’s a piano? i seriously thought it was a guitar. god like 1/3 of all my liveblogs are just me being surprised by stuff neil points out about the songs themselves and not anything else. wonderful content right here

-I am lopsided! And so are you! Nothing worth loving isnt askew!

-in which neil confesses his hatred of modern architecture/modern art in general (probably shouldve said this earlier)

-is this the 4th and final return to the junk drawer? well if all weve got is a synth it must be, surely there’s nothing more of use in there. i anticipate being proven wrong.

-neil you can pretend this is about being silly and having fun all you like we all know it’s about adhd/autism and the like. the same about geeks in love and gay people, although that’s more of a modern development, considering the concept of geekery was a lot more niche and shunned back in 2005 than it is today. the same can also be said about gay people just less so.

-it’s being sung towards me neil. thank you for taking note of my birth earlir and writing a song about it. it cant be about you when it’s about me and also youre the one singing it towards someone.

-considering how much shit youve done over the years i doubt that’s true

-if it’s that hard then how come i’m so good at writing commentary about both your commentary and the songs themselves huh? man if neil ever returns to tmburl and sees all the things i say about him he’ll probably assume i hate him or something. nah it’s just easy to say things somewhat passive aggressively towards a distant reciprocant and i think compliments all the time so they arent as noteworthy.

-172 bpm. that is fast. has he ever been faster? see this is the problem neil when your commentary is lackluster i run out of things to talk about.

-i like the call-and-response like structure to the verses. reminiscient of how one’s brain can hop back and forth from subject to subject super quickly, to the point where it can be hard to follow when youre not nd.

-just got back from some faspa. i started this last night i think around 8 and today 1:30 and now it’s been another 6 hours. i mean ive been taking breaks and stuff but by god. it really takes time to listen to and read something while giving your thoughts on it all. especially when you arent the best typist in the world.

-a rooftop marathon sounds like the most fun way i could spend a carefree morning ever.

-c a# and g? that’s interesting, in a good way, because c is 2 steps around the circle of fifths to the a#, a relatively small journey, while g has it as it’s minor counterpart, and g is one step forward along the circle from c. really creative.

-understandable neil only using solo falsetto in this one song. makes it all the more apparent how much he’s improved in spirit phone, just. listen to when he died. literally who thinks neil is female here. noone. although having alora or emmy would be a cool move. do a collab neil. that’s how you should ressurect lemon demon, by collaborating with your own sister.

-what can ya do about it? in my case, it is the fact that ive written so much and omitted apostrophes on so many words that my words are no longer being spellchecked-im no longer given the lil zigzag when words are misspelled- so if there are more misspellings and typos than usual from here on out that’s my excuse

-please never use the word neatoriffic. that’d be neaterrific anyways cant even use a decent word. for goodness’ sake neil be professional

-haha i was wondering when you might make an “i dont know” joke neil! youve done it! good thing ive yet to see a use for it in my liveblogging so far

-there he goes again. see ya space cowboy

-only the most professional of water sfx techniques used here at MC NC studios

-i hate to say it but deep in the ocean is like my second or first least favorite track on this album (not counting bonus tracks). it’s not bad at all! just doesnt do quite enough to make it better than any of the other songs.

-god of course not even neil knows what this one’s about. ive never payed close enough attention to the lyrics to say for sure myself. i just figured it was about what went down in the depths of the sea where naught but the hardiest inhuman souls can see what goes on, aka Sultana, my mermaid oc from The Ocean.

-hey actually now that i think about it i can make some uuuh lore out of this. it’s their love that keep the wristwatch going, and they found it one day shortly before meeting Manamea because it was dropped from the boat she was on. maybe there’s some uuuh dark stuff that goes down because this man was so drunk and she’s a lesbian and whatnot idk. and then they meet when Sultana’s trying to return the wristwatch to it’s owner and meets her and they fall in love and stuff the end. listen to the song and think of my oc’s and pretend to be me and you’ll understand what im saying hopefully

-this line about people becoming fish ppl again always caugh my attention where nothing else would. like is this what the narrator wants? is this what they believe to be inevitable? is it something they just figure could happen? are they specifically talking about mermaids in the context of my universe that i made? who knows (nobody knows) (this is the second time ive made this joke today)

-as if there’d ever be capitalism in the ocean. what kind of underwater life would ever have the buying and selling of private property. or colonization the fuck is going on here. armed revolution thats what. god what a dramatic turn of events.

-so human life is fated to exchange roles with that of the fish if we ever decide to impose conquest and capitalism upon the seas. i suppose this is meant to be a cautionary tale, then. thank you for this, neil, you dastardly prophet you. also SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL LIBRARY but not not because boy are books hard to disinfect

-man first neil’s accordion has a name and now his harmonica. does his keytar have one too? i could swear it does but that’d be after this album anyways. ah hang on nevermind that was a joke. thanks neil. love your recorder and lips

-bubble time bay be. im goin a lil mad again if you couldnt tell. i think neil is too.

-oh the sound of a fist smashing a piano in reverse sounds sick. just the idea of that being a way of making a sound. for a song. musically. is really cool. who are you neil and how do you come up with these things

-yeah this part is decently loud, especially compared to earlier, but my headphones are already about as quiet as they get. they’re just obscenely loud, i have to keep my computer at like >10 volume at all time and i still get occasionally attacked by like a deporitaz song from the directory.

-another 120 bpm song, making it a good match for dinosaurchestra- and hey that’s where the backwards part came from! nice, im going to think of that every time i listen to this album from now on. and now the resolution of the underwater storyline, in which people have to adapt or die and because mermaids are like already a thing, they’re all going to die. another dinosaurchestra parallel. hooray

-that is so ominous the fuck does that mean Neil

-ok. tick-tock, vocoder dinosaurchestra time. sounds pretty good. i’m almost always going to think of kobalt rad’s amv for this song when i listen to it just because it’s really good. tells the song’s story nicely, which is all i ask for in a song’s amv.

-right time to admit something. i dont know what a concept album is. what does neil mean by this. oh he’s saying this whole album is based on the time-travelling adventures of neil cicerega, the new animated series coming to pbs this fall. ok ok cool. just don’t tell bill watterson- hey that’s why it’s a bonus track here! because of the story of the album! or something! nice

-anyways the general consensus is that this album is themed around childhood and nostalgia, which i generally agree with in various forms. like most ld albums, the theme shifts over the course of the album, with the second half being clearly different from the first. like i said earlier (i think) if i talk about dinosaurchestra’s themes it’ll be in another post, so i’ll just leave what ive said so far as it is.

-wow neil the master storyteller here giving us a riveting tale of near-death experiences at a young age. im on the edge of my seat except not because my desk is so small i can fit neither my chair nor my legs and body underneath it.

-i’m not saying much rn because neil’s just telling the story of part 3 from a closer perspective. there’s not much to say and i’m having too good of a time with this to bother. just wait a little longer until the too much song for more commentary.

-actually while this is going on i have reached the end of my birthday jar of pimento stuffed manzanilla olives and will now consume the last one in memoriam of neil’s dearly departed dinosaur friends.

-hooray, theyve made it back safe. i honestly didnt expect neil to be as good at storytelling as he is but this is a genuinely nice, light, child’s story. fits the themes of the album to a t. ive got a real-ass smile on my face.

-hang on i know it came out earlier but are these time-traveling exploits the basis for Behold The Future!? it talks about someone with associates, so that could be the dinosaurs, and it goes from i think 2004 to 2013. that’s a distinct possibility.

-so the dinosaurs are due to appear in a few days? id say i’m looking forward to it if i didnt know that tomorrow never comes. a few days away will always be a few days away, because every day is today and yesterday already happened. such a shame- if only we had a time machine, and could make it all the way until a few days from now, to see 6 year old neil rock out with the dinosaurchestra.

-tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock WAKE UP IT WAS ALL A DREAM (yes i counted all 37 tick-tocks. there’d be 38 if the alarm didnt go off, but thanks to that last one now there is.)

-the too much song can genuinely take you by surprise the first time listening through it. i know it did for me.

-simple, repetitive, dreamy. you took the words right outta my mouth. this is the most explicit love song of this album, and by explicit i mean this is overtly about love and not asymmetry or imaginary friends or something like that.

-ive got a brain pv for this song about a pairing from doctor who. given what ive said and posted about that show so far you have until the end of this liveblog to guess what pairing im thinking of.

-oh that’s a cool thing about this song that i never noticed. it’s constantly adding onto itself, with each verse. that could be symbolic for something if i tried hard enough. nice

-cliche? not terribly. even if the lyrics were somewhat so the music itself and structure of the lyrics make it more than distinct enough. there’s a true lemony demony flavor to this that means i, an aspecromantic, can really enjoy this blatant love song.

-i wonder what it says about neil, at least in 2006 (idk if he was with ming by then) that he’s less creative with the love songs than the nonsense.

-that bit about songs begging to be written apllies to pretty much all writing. i’d know.

-this song is one of the ones that always puts me in a Mood. the exchanges of lyrics, repetition, and vibe of the instruments just gets me. a bit more contemplative than i usually am.

-man most ld albums end with a song that is decidedly more melancholy or subdued than the song immediately preceding it, especially when the preceding song was hype as shit. sick puppy, spiral of ants, eventuality, something glowing, elsewhere, movie night. basically the eps are the only exception and that’s because theyre too short to allow for a big enough emotional journey.

-what im sayin is you dont need to apologize neil. this is great, one of my favorites from the whole album honestly. which is saying a lot considering how much id normally be disinterested in a song like this.

-after the asmr of view-monster, the video game ive already forgotten the name of from damn skippy, the weird movie quote of clown circus, and the surprise content of hip to the javabean, you cant blame me from thinking there’s something at the end.

-oh no wait he’s talking about something real. yeah i dont have the cd but uuh that song and it’s accompanying flash animation can be found on youtube if you want even though it sucks like a deporitaz tune with guest vocals.

-damn neil out here with the reverse reverse reverse psychology. go white boy go

-im losing my mind a bit

-hey you know, i think ill borrow that mentality for my writing. i can write eighteen chapters of stuff i know other people will like and ill do one or more that i know other people will like and it doesnt matter if they dont like that ive put it out as well because theyve got all of that to keep them happy. theyve no room to complain, let me have this one

-happy and sorta sad, like this emoticon (:) whic only counts as an emoticon if you really make it

-i’ll admit, with this album it’s a bit easier for me to get sick of the music than usual. and the individual songs dont appear in my reccomended as easily as i might like so i generally dont hear it very often, and try to save full album listen-throughs to special occasions. and considering how much i like that song i guess it is a little bittersweet how infrequently i listen to it, given it’s tucked all the way at the end of this album.

-putting a year’s work into it means people have been waiting patiently. i dont want to say anything about that given the current state of ld today to not sound rude. leave those thoughts to yourself and i’ll do the same.

-for sitting through my laziness, i’d like to thank everybody. youve also made it all the way through this disaster of a post, and i really truly appreciate it. i put my thoughts out into the world to be seen and it means the world to me when people see them. thank you. And Especially You.

#i'm sorry this is so incomprehensible at times this was partially written late at night and im nd #i'm aware this comes off as a lot easier to understand if you're reading the commentary and listening along while you read this #it's unintentional mostly #i just talk about what i like and you can read/listen along if you want it'll just take a whole hour #tis i #dinosaurchestra #neil cicierega #lemon demon #this and my damn skippy commentary liveblog are about the best look you can get into my psyche on this whole website #anyways the doctor who pairing was ten/rose #it's been nearly 24 hours since i last stopped working on this completely and this time it's for good #i of course didnt expect it to take this long but im glad i did it and happy with how it came out. so it'd mean the world to me if you read #loolin liveblogs #to the world and back again

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